#shin gets a job. at what cost

[hanato-hoshi]

what if instead of the death game they signed the application form for lobotomy corporation

[sugarlywhispers]

b.katsuki x reader (fem)

a.n; i blame this completely over the Olympics, again. sorry, but it has me on chokehold and i'm not resisting against it LOL 😜

Okay, hear me out...

Third date with Bakugou Katsuki.

The first one, of course, was very awkward and tense and sometimes even a bit worrisome. We are talking about dating Bakugou Katsuki, the one aggressive and violent Pro Hero that everybody has a hate-love feeling towards for; because the man looks and acts –and can– step on your head and crush it with malicious intent and yet, he's Nº 2 Pro Hero on the ranks and you just know that if he's around, you are completely safe. But he's big and tough and harsh in his talking and walking –how can anyone look that scary by just walking, you're still wondering, but it's real. He's fucking scary.

The second date was way more relaxed. He cooked for you. In his massive penthouse that probably costs more than your annual salary. Yep, morherfucker is rich rich. And you think he deserves it really. After all the troubles he goes through to keep the whole country safe –and even the world–, he completely deserves it. You just forgot how well he does his job to get to be that rich. You don't care about money though. You're dating him because you saw him helping a granny cross the street and that was the cutest thing you ever saw. So, back to the second date, he cooked for you, and damn... now you can say you'll keep dating him because of his food. Man cooks like the gods, like a fucking professional chef of the most expensive restaurant on earth. And also, you noticed how relaxed and in peace he looked in his own environment and he looked. So. Freaking. Attractive. Hot even. He looked just so... deliciously handsome.

So for the third date, and because he picked the second one, this one was of your choice. You decide to go ice skating. And you did not expect what happened at all. 

One would expect that Pro Hero Dynamight, civilian name Bakugou Katsuki, being who he is, would have exceptional balance and even a hidden talent for this. You’re wrong. Everyone is wrong. The second the blades of his skates touched the Ice Rink, he fell. Your eyes opened wide and you definitely were holding back your laugh as he struggled to get himself up by holding the handrail around the rink.

“Need some help?” You asked, getting close to him with no trouble at all. He looked up at you annoyed, struggling so hard to get up and keep his balance that his cheeks turned pink. How. Freaking. Cute. You’re glad that dating the Pro Hero came with its perks –like closing the whole rink just so only you and him are there, enjoying your date on a late wednesday night.

“Shut up. No, I can do it…” He declared, but another fall on his knees made you giggle while sliding backwards and away from him with ease, hands up in surrender. Katsuki looked at you once his stood for the nth time holding the handrail like dear life with a frown on his face, watching you how easy you made it look, “How the fuck are you doing that?”

You giggled again, amused by all of this situation. Sliding back towards him and extending your hands, you said, “Come one, let me help.”

Katsuki buffed but he placed his hands on yours, whole body trembling, barely holding himself up. The image of him sticking his ass up and body bending forward while his feet barely moved made you laugh out loud and he yelled another “shut up!”.

You changed your grip to his forearms and again slid backwards to make him move forward, his legs still trembling and his eyes never leaving the floor. He looked so cute, it made your heart flutter. The smile never left your face as you spoke again, “I used to skate a lot when I was younger. I even prepared myself to compete, but an injury put me out of the game.” 

He immediately looked back at you at your words, “What happened?” He looked curious, but also worried and kind of sad.

You shrugged, “I landed pretty badly over my right leg after a spinning jump once. After that, the shin splints became unbearable and I couldn't continue…” 

He looked down at your leg, watching you move attentively, “Does it hurt now?”

You shook your head and smiled at him, grateful for his worry, “Naah. It would only hurt badly if I tried to skate the way I used to… Guess I demanded a lot of myself back then.”

Katsuki didn’t comment further on, but he kept his attention on your leg. Didn’t that make him even cuter! 

It took you a while –long while– to finally be able to let go of one of his forearms once he was ready on his balance; his other hand still held yours strongly.

Time went by, both of you laughing and smiling while skating around the rink, hand in hand. You’re so happy that you could stand on the ice again. It brought you so many fond memories of when you were a kid. Skating was the only thing that could easily make you smile just because; the wind in your face made you feel free, content. and Katsuki could clearly see that.

For a moment, he got distracted by how beautiful you looked… and he lost his balance again. This time bringing you down with him. He was fast enough though to catch you and make you land over him. Your amused and loud laugh was contagious, so he couldn’t help but smile. He's having fun –even if he knew his body was going to hurt a bit the next day for how many falls he had.

“You’re so clumsy…” You laughed, joking kindly and funny.

“Oh, yeah? Then why don’t you show me what you can do?” His smirk made you suddenly stop laughing. It’s a clear challenge, yet curiosity shined in his eyes.

“Alright, hero… watch and learn,” you helped him stand up and directed him towards the handrail. 

Once he was away from possible harm, Katsuki watched you skate around the rink as if you were flying, gliding around with so much confidence and ease, as if you were made for it. Your hair floating behind you for how fast you were going, dancing beautifully with the air. He was hypnotized. Completely mesmerized by each little form you decided to enlighten him with. He particularly felt fascinated when you decided to spin fast and so many times he couldn’t count how many, then you stopped like it had been nothing and kept gliding around. 

You looked so nice and professional, Katsuki felt a little pang of pity for the world. It would never be able to share how beautifully perfect you looked at the moment.

A few more glides around, until you stopped in a very experienced way right in front of him, a huge smile on your face and a shine on your eyes that were proof of how immensely excited and happy you felt.

Did katsuki say already how fucking beautiful you were?

Just to prove his point, he instantly grabbed your face and kissed you for the very first time.

And fuck, he planned on keep kissing you as much as you would let him.

He let you go for a moment just to say, “That was beautiful… You’re gorgeous.”

You smiled one more time before sliding your arms around his neck to kiss him again. He moved a bit to surround your waist with his arms…

And that’s when he forgot about the handrail and sent you both again towards the floor.

[katsumiiii]

hobie brown x gn! reader

omg was at work and had a hugeeee hobie moment!!

hobie being a nuisance and popping up at your job. let’s say you work at a local pub right around the corner from his apartment complex, be sure to be on the look out for rabid hobies because he will come and beg for your attention.

he always thinks you look so cute in your uniform, a simple black tee and some tight jeans, you never really see the appeal but his gaze lingers appreciatively at the curve of your ass and the plush of your hips.

your coworkers think it’s so cute whenever he pops in, doing everything in his power to gain your attention for more than 30 seconds at a time, whether that be sending you a coy smirk, or looping his fingers between your belt buckles and pulling you in. his goal is always the same, wanting desperately to see that flustered look on your face, and he will get it, no matter the cost.

today the bar had been particularly empty. only a few customers toggled in and out, and they all had simple requests, a glass of beer and the check. the day went on without a hitch, night soon seeped in and you were starting to close down, checking out the last six individuals which sat at the bar.

“surprised hobie didn’t pop in today.” your coworker teased, brushing the side of your shoulder as you wiped off the countertop below you.

“shhh, don’t say his name, you’ll summon him.” you shuttered playfully, grinning at your quip.

“funny funny, so is he sick or wh—”

“wha’s going awn? who you havin’ a chat about?” speak of the fucking devil. you slowly tilted your head towards the seat in front of you and watch as hobie leans his upper body towards your own, sniffing as he licks his bottom lip, tongue clashing with metal.

“what the fuck?” your coworker cackled, shaking their head in disbelief.

“hobie, what a surprise.” you sighed, rolling your eyes.

“well you don’t sound too chuffed to see me, love.” hobie tapped his fingernails against the freshly wiped counter, his black polish (which you painted) shinning dimly from the lights above.

“well usually you’re here earlier so I didn’t know if you were coming to bother me or not.” you set an arm beneath you and placed your head against your palm.

“bother? didn’t know that’s what it was.” he shrugged his shoulders, inching his head closer to your slouched figure.

“really? then what would you call yourself?”

“your only source of entertainment. ‘m livenin’ up the place, a bit drab in here ain’t it?” hobie turned to observe the area around him, chuckling at the lack of customers.

“well we are supposed to be closed, bee.” you muttered, turning to place your cleaning supplies into an opened cabinet on your left.

“really? wouldn’t ‘ave guessed that.” he sucked his teeth at the sight of you bent over, nodding his head in appreciation. “why don’t you put that down and come gimme a kiss, hm? been waiting on one all night.”

“yeah, you say that every time you come see me.”

“don’t make it less true.”

[yandere-romanticaa]

As a request, may I ask please for a reader running away from the Fatui debt collector and ending up by getting caught by Childe ?

The strong regard in which the Fatui held their contracts in could almost rival the nation of Liyue itself. By signing your name on the paper you signed off your entire life away, perhaps even your very soul if the situation or person called for it. The Fatui were rolling in mora and their Harbingers were some of the richest people to ever grace Teyvat. Their bankers know what they are doing, no penny is ever left unchecked and all of the clients pay what they are owed, no matter the cost.

You were one of those unfortunate clients.

On paper, their professionalism was okay, maybe even great if you're delusional enough. But everything came at a cost and you realized that the Fatui were only ever interested in keeping their side of the contract intact.

After mysteriously being laid off your job and losing every earthly possession you ever owned, you were left with no options other than to turn to the Northernland Bank. Despite its somewhat sketchy reputation there was also a decent amount of individuals who were quite pleased with the banks services, which is exactly why you felt all the more urged to go there. Everything was going smoothly for the first few months. You managed to pay rent and get some other basic necessities in order such as food and clothes but you were still far from the safe zone. You never managed to pay your debts on time which made the clerk at the bank frustrated with you.

"We can be kind to you only for so long." she'd say.

"Don't make the same mistake again."

You promised her that you wouldn't and you intended to keep that promise.

Unfortunately, life almost never plays out the way we want it to.

After weeks of endless job hunts, no one wanted to take you. It made no sense whatsoever! You had no criminal record, were always diligent on your previous job and had no enemies. Whenever you'd have an interview the people behind the counter would always be quick to shush you and tell you that they could not take you in. The last place you applied for, a small flower shop, was so quick to turn you down that it should be considered the world record. The moment you said your name out loud it was as if a switch was pressed and the owner switched gears entirely. Her demeanor went from calm and sweet to anxious and downright terrified as her entire body started shaking. She was beyond forceful as she shoved you out the door and told, no, begged you to not come back, ever.

In those brief moments you shared with the woman she became fear personified. You never understood why but right now that didn't matter.

Not when Fatui agents were pursuing you in the darkness of the night.

They were like the harrowing winter wind, sharp and swift. They barged into your home and demanded you pay what you owed unless you wished for more serious consequences to take place. The hooded agent pressed his large blade against your neck and his fire red eyes tore into you, daring you to make a move.

He was not expecting you to actually do something, let alone kick him in the shin.

A cryo mage and a hydro skirmisher were hot on your tail but you managed to quickly outrun them.

Panting, you hid behind a large pile of wooden crates near the harbor. There was little to no light aside from the stars, providing you ample cover against your assailants. This wasn't unfortunately only an advantage for you alone as they too could make use of this darkness. Not only were you outnumbered but also found to be completely and utterly defenseless. With little to no combat training and no vision to speak of, this endless chase became more and more unbearable. Options were also limited - keep hiding and make a run for it outside of the city but risk getting chased all over the content or come out of hiding and face the music.

Neither option was good. Death was all but guaranteed. The Fatui did not understand the concept of mercy.

That was a sentiment that the 11th Harbinger knew all to well.

He watched you from a window, ocean blue eyes tailing after every single move of yours. His chin rested on his hand while the other toyed with a white glaze lilly that grew close next to him, the soft petals providing him a much needed source of silly entertainment. In his eyes you were this glaze lilly - gentle, beautiful. Easy to break. It took him no effort whatsoever to tear your life to shreds and keep you docile. Tartaglia was a little bitter how you did not remember him back when you were younger, which might be the reason as to why he is being so harsh right now. He always liked to play rough and the sight of you shaking made his blood rush with pure and utter glee. Everything was going according to plan and he could not have been more satisfied. A wicked smirk danced on his lips as he ripped the glaze lilly from the pot, its green stem now firmly in his hands. A wave of determination came over the young man as he let out a quiet laugh to himself.

As fun as this was, he was done. No more games, he was going to have you.

It was time to step into the heart of the action.

Like an acrobat, Childe leaped out of the window and landed gracefully on both his feet, the bow on his back firmly set in place. His fingers twitched in anticipation as he creeped up closer and closer towards you. He was so quiet that not even a mouse could hear him.

It really wasn't your fault for screaming so hard, he thought to himself. Anyone would have gotten scared if someone just came up to them like that. As a matter of fact, he even found it kind of cute!

The shrill screams naturally caught the attention of the people he told to hunt you down and in a flash they stood before the two of you, panting but ready for action. The measley subordinates were, unsurprisingly, startled to see a Harbinger out in the open like this, prompting them to immediately lower their heads and bow deeply.

You were too caught up in your own paranoia to hear Childe mumble a quiet "You are dismissed." command to them. You trembled, fat tears caking your face as the ginger turned to face you, a small smile on his lips. He scared you enough for now, hasn't he? Reaching out towards you he held your quivering body, your face pressed deeply against his chest as you wept loudly. The grey fabric of his clothing soon turned a much darker shade due to the heavy tears but you could not care less.

Tired, you were so tired.

Despite having no clue to the identity of the man who held you so gently, there was absolutely no chance you were letting him go. You made your decision right there and then - snaking your arms around his thin waist you stayed like that as you let out everything out of your system, the pain, the fear and every other dark emotion which clouded your heart, all the while having no clue that your savior was the one who brought out all of this misery to you.

He could be a sadistic bastard, Childe knew this. He went too far in tormenting you and was most surely going to make everything up to you.

Right now though all he could do was sit on the ground and cradle you in his arms as his heart wept alongside yours, but with much different reasons than yours. He was a walking paradox, both the tormentor and the savior. All in due time though, you would grow to love it.

He would make sure of it.

🥀 TAGS: @genshinarchives, @mod-kisa-blog, @juuuuuj101010, @kalopses-sonderes, @b10h4z4rd, @xiaopleasecomehome, @yumekos-gamble, @mayulli, @cc-6789, @saturnalya, @mewmeowmika, @ranposgirlboss

[rvllybllply2014]

Flower shop, coffee shop au this how about a donut shop au? Totally not inspired by my nightmares from working at a donut shop for almost 6 years and through the pandemic. Also the fact that it’s coming up on the ten year anniversary for that shit job.

Tully donuts is the most popular donut shop in the river lands, Oscar Tully works there part time and has to watch Davos and Aeron dance around the fact that they both want to fuck each other. Davos works the production shift, getting up at 3:00 am sucks but it really sucks when he doesn’t get to see Aeron until 6:00, and Davos has to stay through everyone else’s breaks.

Davos always loved the night but after working at the donut shop for years he’s begun to love the mornings, well Aeron is like a ray of sunshine to Davos. Without fail Aeron walks into the shop and it’s like the sunshine is specifically shinning on Aeron and just barely gracing Davos with its warmth. But since Davos is a Blackwood and Aeron is a Bracken he has to keep his feelings hidden. Unfortunately for him Oscar is a pretty observant teen, he sees how Davos insults, or tries to insult Aeron in a flirtatious way.

Oscars had enough of Davos shit attempts at flirting with Aeron, if he hates Aeron so much why does he constantly go back to the break table to talk to him? Anyway there’s an opening in production with a pay raise and Oscar knows that Aeron could use the money, just last week Aeron was complaining about the cost of his textbooks. Oscar asks Aeron if he’d be willing to switch from just the morning shift to production, he will have to wake up 3 hours earlier but it will be a nice pay raise. Aeron agrees automatically, it doesn’t matter that he’ll be working a lot more with Davos. Aeron needs the money and he doesn’t want to have to work a second job.

Davos is the one that has to train Aeron on how to ice the donuts, and decorate them. He starts Aeron out on the easiest thing, the chocolate machine. All Aeron has to do is take the tray filled with donuts put it in the slot that holds the tray, flip the wired part that keeps the donuts from falling in to the chocolate over the tray, and then flip all of that into the chocolate; pull the lever that makes the chocolate rise and then pat the donuts into the chocolate. After those steps Aeron just needs to let the lever go and let the donuts drain upside down for a moment and then flip them all over. Should be easy but this is the first time Davos has been this close to Aeron and his stupidly beautiful eyes and kissable lips and fucks it up royally.

Needless to say the manager for production only allows two trays to be fucked up before he tells Davos to show him how to ice the pink/white/carmel donuts. It’s slightly more complicated, since it’s hand dipped and involves twirling your wrist to get rid of excess icing. It’s going good until Aeron is told to go ahead and try it, Aeron does really well, but all Davos can think about is Aeron using that twirling technique on his dick. After 20 restroom breaks in 20 minutes, Davos kept having to go there to calm his dick down, the manager decides to have Aeron tray up donut holes while Davos finishes icing donuts.

Aeron already knows how to flip the screens holding the donut holes onto the tray so Davos doesn’t need to show Aeron how. But Davos still distracts himself by thinking about what other balls Aeron can handle well. Once that’s finished Aeron is told to fill the bismarks and some long johns. Again Davos is told to keep icing the donuts since Aeron already knows how to fill bismarks and long johns, and once again Davos can’t help but think about how Aeron could fill him up or how he could fill Aeron up.

Davos still insults Aeron, saying that he doesn’t know what he’s doing and he’s terrible at the job. Aeron doesn’t care he knows that he’s good at his job. Anyway Aerons car breaks down before work, so he calls the manager who says they’ll send someone to get him. Oscar had already told the manager to send Davos to pick Aeron up if he’s ever had car trouble. So that’s how Davos spent 15 minutes alone with Aeron in a car, how he also confessed to Aeron that he actually really likes him.

Aeron just laughs and says he knows, Davos maybe shit at flirting because he still flirts like an elementary school kid. Davos was never as subtle as he thought he was. Aeron also says that Davos would never dare to ask him out, but since he’s finally gotten his head out of his ass would he like to go on a date sometime? Davos is so surprised that he almost crashes the car but agrees to a date.

When Oscar comes in later that day Aeron thanks him for putting him on production, and he also says that Oscar lost their bet. Oscar gives Aeron $5 while saying congratulations on asking Davos out, but he really thought Davos would’ve been the one to do the asking. And that’s how Oscar kept the sanity and peace of the donut shop, by forcing Davos to confront the fact that he really was in love with a Bracken. Oscar also gets to tell the story years later at Davos and Aerons wedding.

[icycoldninja]

Can you write the DMC men with a zookeeper reader?

It’s a very tiring and ridiculously demanding job but since she loved the animals so much, she’s willing to sleep at the zoo’s office to watch over them when one of the animals need overnight assistance

She tells her multiple experiences working with different animals and the ones that are (surprisingly) the easiest for her to work with are tigers, jaguars, snow leopards, cougars because even though they are predatory animal, they can be very affectionate and will spend time bonding after lots of attempts from her being respectful towards their boundaries, positive reinforcements ( ex: not biting her broom equals free treats ), no direct eye contact, using a soft tone like how a mother would talk to an infant, etc while not anthropomorphizing the relationship

But the animals that she’s very wary to work with, or if given opportunity, she will avoid working with them at all costs are surprisingly mostly the non-meat eaters like zebras, cassowaries (especially in their breeding season) and her biggest fear, chimpanzees…She told them how the zebra gets most zookeepers to be ended up in the ER because of how unpredictable they are, how a cassowary one time kicked at her shin with their jurassic pedicure resulting in her being off duty for nearly half a year before she can somewhat limp to work again. Finally, she tells them to ask all zookeepers “ what are the list of animals they prefer to not work with ?” If a zookeeper do not have chimps amongst their answers, they’re most likely have not worked with one (fortunately)

She tells them the one time she nearly got her arm ripped off because she carelessly decided to put her arm into their feeding space to retrieve their eating bowl, which unbeknownst to her, a chimp is hiding out of her sight, ready to tear her arm off had she put it in. She was scolded by her manager for that one but she’s glad that some senses had been knocked into her

(This is based off of an actual story btw)

At last, of all the animals, the ones she downright hated working with the most are definitely the hairless apes with nothing but an Iphone and a sense of entitlement. One time, at an old zoo she used to work, a mom tried to put her kid over the railing to get him a better sight of ( out of all the animals ) a Polar bear which resulted in the kid falling into the pool, right around its feeding time. All zoo staffs including her had to euthanize the poor bear to save the kid…Till this day, she still mourns over the bear and the amount of anger would surge through her every time someone mentions that woman and she would silently cuss at her because her negligence could’ve killed her kid and the bear as well

Yes, sure!

Sparda boys + V x Zookeeper!Reader headcannons

¤ Dante ¤

-You are a very caring animal lover and Dante thinks that's adorable.

-Your stories about what you do at the zoo are some of the most entertaining he ever heard, and serve to calm him down after a nightmare or too much alcohol.

-Would actually like to meet these animals that you are so fond of taking care of--given that most are felines and Dante is pretty much a fat lazy cat, they'll get along just fine.

-Wants you to be careful when dealing with those nasty chimps with their damn iphones. Hearing you almost lost your arm to one of them doesn't help matters much.

-Will visit you and drop off supplies for you if you decide to spend the night at the zoo office.

-Understands thar you miss that poor euthanized bear, but doesn't share your sentiments. How can he, anyway? He never knew the thing.

■ Vergil ■

-Vergil is not fond of animals, will tolerate them, but would never have the patience to care for them.

-You have earned his respect for being able to do something he never will.

-Will portal into your office whenever you decide to stay the night with all your overnight essentials packed in a rugsack.

-Enjoys heading your stories. As someone with little to no experience in animal care, he appreciates this knowledge.

-Does not want you to continue dealing with those barbaric chimpanzees for fear of further injury, but if you must, then he has no choice but to allow you to.

-Pats you on the shoulder to calm you down when you get upset over the deceased polar bear. While he will never understand why humans are so bothered by these sorts of things, he will do his best to comfort you.

□ Nero □

-Nero loves to watch you take care of the animals. You're so gentle and loving around them, like they're nothing more than household pets.

-He enjoys listening to you yammer on excitedly about all your experiences at the zoo, filling his ears with random factoids he'll never use.

-Hates that you spend nights at the zoo because come on, that can't be comfortable. Wouldn't you rather be cuddling with him in your nice, warm, fluffy bed?

-Then again, you're such a sweet soul who's kind to everything and everyone--you probably wouldn't even notice the discomfort.

-Understands that you're upset about that poor bear and is a little moved by its story, but just a little.

● V ●

-Being an animal lover himself with several familiars, V understands your commitment to the zoo animals.

-Indeed, they are magnificent creatures. If he wasn't afraid of being ripped to shreds, he would have petted some of them.

-Enjoys watching you work, though he can't stay for long because if he does, Shadow will claw at the enclosure walls, trying to get in to play with the other felines.

-Misses you when you have to stay the night at the zoo, but he knows your animals are important to you, so he says goodnight and greets you with a kiss when you come back in the morning.

-Likes listening to your stories, especially the ones about those mischievous chimps.

-Sympathizes with your feelings regarding that polar bear. Had the mother not been so neglectful, it wouldn't have had to die.

[fy-wonwoo]

240105 shingong (shin pd) instagram update:

Finally today’s the first broadcast

I’m just rambling about a few things

If I feel like kicking myself (from embarrassment) later, I’ll quietly delete.. ㅎㅎ

Of the years I’ve been a PD, this is the program that had the highest production cost ㅎㅎ

We went at peak season so it was hard to even get plane tickets.. and the expenses in Italy were higher than I could’ve ever imagined

And the special tourist spots cost 10million Korean won to get permission for even simple filming ^^;

And (it wasn’t) just the filming but post filming costs (too).

There were additional production costs due to the long length of the program. Music copyrights (especially foreign music ㅜ)

As a result, the production cost came out to 10billion Korean won (around $7.6 million USD), something that I could’ve ever imagined in my life..

You may ask where did you use all that money but the costs.. ㅎㅎ were very high ㅜ very very high ㅜ

Even when we get PPLs, it was only a small portion of the production costs ㅎㅎㅎ

(I heard there’s a lot of programs that cost 10billion korean won, but it’s because it’s my first time using this muchㅜㅎ)

You may see a lot of areas that are lacking but I hope it’s fun. I hope it feels like you’re on a trip together (with seventeen) and I hope seventeen, these good friends/people, feel a little more friendly (to you). I hope that you see and know that they’re so kind and funny. And all the while, they’re amazing idols that are good at their job & I hope people would talk about that.

Instead of 4 letters, I hope they’d just automatically know Scoupsㅎ

I have a lot of hopes

First, this project has to do well so that there can be a next ㅜ

More than the viewer rates, I want to be greedy and hope it’s a hot topic or that it can set records in other meaningful ways.

While preparing, these 13 members…

To whoever watches this programs I would like for you to remember their names one by one

With that desire, we took the idea from music program rehearsals and discussed it with our marketing team to make shirts with their names on it. So that whenever you watch the program, their names would be featured on TV.

So that in the beginning of the program, anyone can easily know. Even if the members call each other by their real name, we put captions based on their stage name.

If there were moments where we had to put ㅇㅇㅇ&ㅁㅁㅁ, instead of the age order we (wrote) ordered it by how they come out on the screen so it could align

We worked really hard so that carats could see a familiar but new side of the members, and for those who are just getting to know seventeen, (I tried) to show a balanced side of these friends so that (they) can get to know them in a kind/friendly manner. I tried but idk if it worked well ㅜㅜ

After the broadcast ends, no matter what ratings the production team gets, I hope that SEVENTEEN’s laughter and sincerity remains

This is all I want to talk about

Tonight, Nana tour begins their trip. The rest of the stories will be told through the program so please watch with warm hearts^^ thank you in advance ♡

trans

[gaoau]

夜が明けるまで踊りな

don't blame it on the rain warnings — none. word count — 2.0k

next.

it certainly is a little disappointing to be missing out on the sports festival. you've been hearing and seeing the excitement from the full-time students on your way to class all week. unfortunately, part-timers like you don't get the privilege to participate—which makes complete sense and you aren't one to complain, but nobody ever said anything about yearning.

you don't really know if this party can make up for the lack of sports festival, but the fact that you're already here doesn't leave you room for second thoughts. although you have plenty of second thoughts. but the fact that it's pouring outside doesn't leave you room to consider booking it home. although you wish you could just book it home.

to your surprise, the bubbliest kid in class—and maybe even the whole school—charmed his way into having the school faculty let him use one of the gyms for a small event to compensate. you decided, at the time, that it wasn't a terrible choice. if it was a crazy idea from the loud, friendly classmate that raises everyone's spirits in the evening, then it couldn't be too bad. and it isn't too bad; board games, physical activities, music, and non-alcoholic beverages. you have nothing to lose.

but you've still lost all five of your friends in the process.

you knew in advance one of them couldn't make it, so you can't sulk over that, but the other four are a different story. one is busy making out with someone, the other is passed out on the stands, the other said, "don't talk to me, i need to get this project done tonight," and your last hope has issues with the rain. so you lean back against the wall, huddled in your own little corner, and switch back and forth between the same three apps to pass the time.

despite being on the other side of the gym and cross-legged on the floor, you have a decently good view of the stage. no wonder everyone is having an absolute blast. the moment that pink bundle of energy grabs a microphone along with his brothers, every person in the room willingly dances along like their lives depend on it.

you wish you could join, but being abandoned and having no one to dance with make it very much not worth the effort. your shoulders sag and a sigh falls from your lips. almost mockingly, the song ends at the same time as your phone warns you you're running low on battery.

there's a silence that floods the gym for a brief moment as they switch from karaoke back to regular music. you lock your phone and curiously look up towards the laptop in charge of musicalizing the night. as if on cue, Maruyama Reo's face brightens up with a beam. you watch him hop down off the stage and break into a sprint towards you.

no, not towards you, surely, you've barely spoken to the guy. the only conversations you've had were about trigonometry and the Meiji era and all academic-related topics (mostly because he's tried to bribe you into doing his homework for him, but free tickets to Club Paradox don't really do it for you). yet here Reo is, swerving past people and almost crashing into you, barely pushing his hands against the wall to keep himself from kicking your shins.

you stare up at him with a raised brow as he hovers above you, grinning down at you and giggling. "hey!" he crouches in front of you, stabilizing himself with his palms on your knees. "[Name]-chan!" he wishes he could keep his excitement in check, but he's been waiting all night and the only thing you've been doing is sit here by yourself.

it's still taking you more than a moment to process what is happening. this is the Maruyama Reo, the sweet, adorable kid that everyone knows and loves—except for those that find him incredibly annoying and avoid him at all costs. sure, you've talked, but you didn't expect to grab his attention tonight.

you smile back anyway, polite and friendly. he is the one who put all of this together after all. "hey, Maruyama, great job with the wh—"

"Reo," he interrupts instantly. you can feel his fingers twitch on your knees.

"sorry?"

"call me Reo."

in all honesty, you weren't expecting that either, but you can't say you're surprised by now. you've noticed he's not one to use his family name; you admit you've wondered why more times than necessary. it makes you chuckle, "okay, then, Reo, great idea putting this whole thing together for us part-timers."

you see the childlike grin on his face morph into a smirk that knows a little too much. he leans closer, eyes narrowing like he can read right through you—and maybe he can. with a finger poking your cheek, he calls you out, "your face says otherwise." his signature giggle swims into your ears, but it holds a bit more mischief in its tune.

"oh," is your only defense, "yeah, sorry, i just…" can't sincerely come up with any excuses. not for someone like Reo. you offer him a sheepish, apologetic smile, "you know, came here with my friends and they dropped like flies." your eyes stray to the stands briefly as you mutter, "some more than others…" it makes you wonder if someone spiked the sodas.

but Reo's laughter has your attention back on him immediately. "so what?"

you don't know when it happened, but he's completely invaded your personal bubble. he's trusting all his body weight on your knees, the coolness of his rings seeping through your clothes, and he smells so dizzyingly unique that you make a mental note to ask for his perfume whenever your breath isn't stuck in your throat. his eyes are almost glowing under the colorful lighting. his hands feel so warm.

"are you just gonna stay here sitting in a corner? why not join the dance floor?" he pushes and prods and prods and pushes. each question he asks has you wondering if you're stupid for making the poor guy come over to force you off your feet. there's still that shit-eating smirk on his face that promises you he's got you all figured out. "i saw someone ask you for a dance, why did you reject 'em?" 

your brows rise in surprise. you blink at him owlishly for a moment. then you mutter, "…not my type."

"am i your type?" Reo considers, briefly, maybe he shouldn't be itching to grab your wrist so much. sure, you seem dreadfully bored here, but if you wanted to do something about it, you already would have. maybe he's only pretending you need him right now.

he sees it in the way your eyes cast down. you don't want to look at him and admit his party was a bad decision on your part. "i meant… the dozens of people on the dance floor. not my type."

but he chooses to ignore the voice in the back of his head. "let's go somewhere else, then." he gives it a second so you can understand what he's saying.

Reo looks at you with a genuine gaze that sparkles so endearingly, and the blunt openness of his intentions disarms you instantly.

before you can react, he's already tugging on your arm and hoisting you to your feet. you follow after him with nothing but unadulterated trust, because no matter where he takes you, you figure it'll be a billion times better than wasting the night away on the gym's floor.

but then he bee-lines for the doors and you seem to come back to your senses. "woah, hold on, it's raining, Reo!" you holler above the music, trying to yank your arm back. the cold autumn air slaps you across the face when he swings the doors open.

"do you care if your clothes get wet?!" he yells back at you, now both hands gripping your wrist so he can pull you outside. you can see his clothes soaking in the rain, freezing water trickling down his arms and onto your skin.

you're not sure if you care about your clothes getting wet or not, but Reo doesn't give you the chance to answer. the rain is already showering down on you as he drags you barefooted to the yard. it's so, so cold, and it's pouring hard. you feel it beating down on you, feet splashing on the puddles hidden on the grass. your clothes are weighing you down, you're getting water in your mouth when you try to speak, and you can barely see Reo's face—not only because it's dark, but because you're struggling to keep your eyes open.

it's almost like he can see the hesitation in your face. "how do you like it out here?!" he tugs on your wrist again, his fingers sliding down to yours. it's an invitation, wordlessly asking you to join him because this is the richest, most meaningful way to live and he wants to share it with you right now.

"what are we doing exactly?"

"getting a better dance floor for you," Reo laughs giddily, and you still can't see very well, but you can make out his bright grin clearly. "come on!"

the music blasting from the gym faintly reaches your ears, sounding muffled. it doesn't deter Reo from pulling you into him to start swinging you around. he holds tightly onto your left hand, dancing to the upbeat song and hoping you'll learn the steps quickly. you don't mind at all and let him be the helping hand to soothe your discomforts. he spins you as best as he can, but you humor him, ducking under his arm and playing along.

it feels like he doesn't want to let go of your hand at all costs—not until he rolls himself into you and wraps himself up in your arm. his cackles ring above the rain pounding in your ears. he cranes his neck back to grin at you, "you're supposed to let go there." it feels like he doesn't want to, but he knows precisely how and when to do so.

you hadn't realized your grip on his fingers was so tight; you hadn't realized you were holding him at all. if you loosen up for a moment, the rain would make him slip away from you. still, you let go as if he'd bitten you, a small "oh!" exclamation tumbling from your tongue.

Reo acts quickly. his hand stays close to yours as he turns, then he snatches it back into his grasp. he keeps dancing with you and your feet have grown so comfortable to his rhythm that the steps come naturally to you by now. you spin, he rolls into you, you let go, and your hands are back together again just as quickly.

"you're getting the hang of it!" he cheers excitedly. if the grin on his face could grow any bigger, you think it would. 

because it's true; you are getting the hang of it and it's so much more fun than you could have imagined. part of you thinks this is stupid, that you're letting Maruyama Reo's sweetness clog up your senses and make you fall for this. when his free hand slides down to your hip, you let him pull you closer without complaints.

Reo makes you dance along with him under the rain until you can't feel your feet. you're more than glad your friends ditched you at this party.

[count-alucard-tepes]

OP Parents being stopped by their smol kid from leaving to work at the door

They cannot leave home without defeating the child in a battle! One last play fight before OP parent goes bye-bye for days, weeks, or even months.

OP parents wins, but at a tragic cost. . . A good kick to the shin cuz kids are rough and play dirty! Honorably or not, when in doubt, the point is to win the battle at all costs! It failed, but its not always the size of the dog XD

Kizaru✨

He wasn’t really the type to play fight with his kid but he wouldn’t want to upset them so he’d pretend that he lost and would dramatically fall to the floor, clutching his heart before pretending to die until his child cuddles up to him and giggles. He’d promise to get home before they fall asleep and giving them some kisses before heading off to work.

Akainu🌋

All this cuteness makes the Fleet Admiral blush and decide to arm wrestle his kid to see who would win. Of course, he would let his kid win and then kisses them goodbye so he could head off to work. He wished he could stay longer but he had an important job to do.

Ryokugyu 🌱

There’s no way in hell Ryokugyu is gonna lose even if he’s the dad and the adult…he’s gonna make sure he always wins…at play fighting…at rock paper scissors…eating contests (he’d break his fast for this). “Haha, bye little loser…I’m going to work”, he’d say before getting kicked in the shin, “you little shithead!?”, he growl before having the kid tied up by a over grown plant and would leave them like that for his S/O to discover.

Fujitora 🐅

He would be amused that his child would propose such a thing but agreed, he of course would let his little one win in a soba eating contest just so that he could head off to work. He knew they were so little to understand his job but he would try to compromise with his child.

Sir Crocodile 🐊

He would be annoyed that his child wants to do this when he has a meeting to attend for a deal at his casino. “Fine, let’s play paper, rock, scissors”, he’d suggest which his child beamed it. “Paper, scissors…hook! I win!”, he’d say using his hook as part of the game before he’d laugh and use his devil fruit powers to move immediately out of the room even if his kid was angry about the whole thing.

Doflamingo Donquixote 🦩

He would smile at his child’s proposal…since when did they become such a smart ass. He’d agree to playful fight with his kid before just deciding he’d take his child with him to the meeting, he knew he’d be there to protect them no matter what and he’d get to spend time with them too.

Benn Beckman 🔫

He sighed softly but nodded, “fine, just one time and I got to head off, sweet one”, he’d say before wrestling with his kid just enough to let them pin him down before he’d dust himself off, “alright, I’ll see in a little bit…be good to your mom”, he’d said before rushing off.

Katakuri Charlotte 🍡

He would smile weakly at his kid, “fine, a donut eating competition then…”, he’d say before bringing in some donuts and milk, they’d be regular donuts since his kid was small. He’d pretend like he couldn’t eat another bite but he just wanted his child to win. Once he announced his defeat, he’d kiss his child goodbye and head off to his mission.

Killer🔪

He would rub the back of his neck as he smiled weakly, “fine, arm wrestling it is and if you win…I’ll bring you something cool”, he said before taking a seat. After a dramatic struggle, he’d lose to his child and promise to bring them a reward from his adventures before heading off.

Kaido🐉

He would laugh at the proposal that his child brought up! The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree after all. He would playfully fight with his child and wrestle them before winning of course…he was not gonna lose to anyone even his little baby. He’d take the angry outbursts from his kid before laughing his way to his next venture.

King👑

He was getting late for a meeting but he wanted to make his little baby happy too. So he decided to have a flying contest, first one to reach the other side of the forest wins. He would hold himself back so he could watch his child fly, he was so proud of his little one. Once he was defeated by his kid, he decided to take them to his meeting as a treat and even let them play with Queen who seemingly was King’s child’s favorite person.

Queen👑

He didn’t care about being late for his mission but he proposed they had a red bean soup eating contest. The problem was…they both loved red bean soup so this could be a true battle worth fighting! Queen would tap out when his ship was about to leave without it but not without having a few laughs with his kid.

Izou🔫🔫

He would nod but decided they could have a more civilized contest like a kanji writing contest, he knew his kid was practicing quite a bit and just used this opportunity to watch his kid do it. He would declare his child the winner and take the painting to Whitebeard to boast about his child being so skillful at such a young age.

Dragon D Monkey🐉🐒

He would be thoroughly amused with his child’s proposal and would go all out to wrestle his child. He tried his best not to win as he wanted his child to be happy before he headed off to a mission. He made them promise to get stronger while he was away and he’d get them something special in return.

[gizkasparadise]

top five second leads?

i do love a good second lead!! going to go with second leads who gave me second lead syndrome the most:

dong mae, mr. sunshine. if he was the male lead, that ship had literally every single one of my dynamics. reminds me a lot of like, if renji and rukia from bleach were imported into a kdrama but renji instead of joining the grim reaper cops instead became yakuza A+++++

xiang liu, lost you forever. he is HORRIBLE husband material, but he's everything in a 90s anime villain romance wattpad, is very gender, and a problematic fave

wang jung, moon lovers: scarlet heart ryeo. he kind of? gets the girl in the end, but gd at what cost???

jiang wu, the legends. see entry #2 -- i apparently have a type when it comes to cdrama

runyu, ashes of love. i dont think he shouldve got the girl because he had a whole laundry list of issues, but LYX brought so much to this role that the character deservedly stole the show

bonus, other SLSers: baek in ho (cheese in the trap), kim shin hyuk (she was pretty), wu bosong (a love so beautiful), probably saya (arthdal chronicles, TBD)

favorite second leads just because they are good characters (non-romantic options or in another ship from the main leads)

yang hye sun, my roommate is a gumiho. she stole the show for me!!!

yoo jin gook, the smile has left your eyes. the only man brave enough to say "get a job! stay away from her!"

he ziqui, go ahead. i loved all of the main trio, but he was definitely my favorite character in go ahead

jisu, jae heon, and eun hyuk, sweet home. great ensemble cast, but these three were my favorites!

princess leyan & hao du, the long ballad. i completely gave up on this drama around ep 12, but i still watched all their scenes. best ship best ship i wish they had their own dramaaaaaaa

[kamenstranger]

Well, this was a big one, wasn’t it? I guess Ultraman was the big one, but getting a Kamen Rider movie released in the US, that was a big shock. Not without some compromises, but even so, it’s surreal to see a Kamen Rider in a theater. It was certainly an experience in itself.

But, I’m dancing around the meat of the subject here; the movie. Cool factor of a Kamen Rider playing in theaters aside, is it good?

The short spoiler free version is yes… but I do have issues.

First, some solid positives. Ruriko is great, a lot of the superfluous aspects of her character were cut down and she plays a much bigger role than either the Manga or original series. She puts up a cold logical exterior that hides her true emotions, but you get the impression there’s a lot more to her than she lets on, and Minami Hamabe does an excellent job showcasing different personas as the characters opens up.

Hongo is great, Sosuke Ikematsu brings a real tragic humanity to the character that perfectly embodies the sadness of being a Kamen Rider.

Likewise, Tasuku Emoto’s Hayato is a sharp contrast to Hongo and one of the best parts of the film, if tragically underutilized.

There are some great action bits, fun callbacks to the original, iconic musical beats. We even have a take on Ishinomori’s interest in Gaia theory being incorporated. Visually the film’s a lot of fun, great over the top set pieces in a way only Anno can deliver- some of the night scenes notwithstanding.

That said, the film is also front loaded pretty badly with a lot of exposition, a couple superfluous Kaijin-nigen or rather “Augs”, a lot of the fights are clunky, and the film often feels more like a series of vignettes strung together, feeling more like several episodes condensed into the time span of a movie rather than something written with the framework in mind. That will probably be the biggest sticking point for a lot of people.

I enjoyed the movie, I saw a lot of good, I saw a lot of blemishes. It’s a mixed bag that has its ups and downs, it's probably not going to be seen as good as Shin Godzilla and Ultraman.

From here on out, I’m getting into spoiler territory.

So let’s discuss the pacing, because more than anything that’s the biggest issue.

The first 45 minutes are the most uneven of the entire movie. The opening sequence is however fantastic, it hits the ground running and sets the tone for the movie perfectly. But once Spider Aug is killed, that’s when things start to become noticeably sloppy. We’re hastily introduced to two Government agents that really don’t have any character to them, they’re just two agents who recruit Ruriko and Hongo to take down Shocker, while also keeping tabs on them and providing some limited support like safe housing. Yes they’re exactly who you think they are.

It’s at this point in my viewing I realized there’s a lot of exposition and set up being jam packed. Even before the two agents show up we have a big info dump in the middle of the Spider Aug section spent explaining what Prana is- which is basically the life force of the universe. A soul, the conscious, etc. It’s what all augmented Cyborgs run on, so get used to hearing it a lot as an explanation for everything. Nano-machines, son.

After Spider is killed and they introduce the agents, we get another exposition heavy scene on how SHOCKER came to be (Which despite the whole parallels with real life cults, never amounts to any sort of major social commentary) It comes off sloppy. They’re trying to cover all the things that are needed to set the foundation, but at the cost of presentation. The opening 20 minutes is basically Action scene> Massive info dump> action scene> massive info dump.

A complaint I’ve seen is Anno's reverence for the original series hampering the movie, that there's perhaps too much fondness or nostalgia- but never explaining exactly what that entails except maybe some of the visuals and the opening basically being the first two episodes of the OG series. Undoubtedly you've seen the locations that appeared in the original '71 series, or the use of snap zooms. That's not really an issue in my book, as it doesn’t seem to simply come from a place of nostalgia, but Anno recognizing that the locations and editing style also invokes a certain tone and visual vibe beyond the simple act of "I recognize that" out of the audience. They ostensibly serve the same purpose they do as originally intended. Sure, nostalgia is inevitable, but it's not the only point. It's also a small part of the movie.

No, where I think the film gets tied up is insisting on having certain monsters for the sake of having them. After that big info dump with the agents and our heroes allying with them, Hongo and Ruriko begin systematically take down SHOCKER’s senior members, the hybrid soldiers (And in one case a group of agents taking down Scorpion) Even though it’s only two monsters, it feels very cobbled together and disjointed with the rest of the film. Bat’s entire segment in particular feels like it’s there because they had to have a Bat Monster after the Spider, and they had some really cool ideas. The concept for a fake out, a kick ass curb stomp, and checking a monster off the list all came first– trying to fill in a story around it and justifying their inclusion came second. Bat easily could’ve been cut entirely and it probably would’ve helped the pacing immensely. Scorpion is there so they can have the Shocker Combatwomen and because her venom is used later by the agents to kill a surrendering Aug, which has some fucked up implications that’re a bit glossed over. A hybrid of Chameleon and Mantis Man; Kamakiri Chameleon, also pops up down the road with almost no set-up beyond revenge for Spider Aug.

Thankfully things mostly get better once we get to Wasp. The story is better paced out, has more coherence, and we have some hints that Ruriko has a history with Wasp as she’s more emotional than previously seen, and Wasp, Hiromi, treats Ruriko like an old friend. Ruriko also has some nice quiet moments with Hongo that adds to the humanity of the two.  In fact, I would go so far as to say the scenes between the two carry the film a great deal, particularly with so much action/exposition in the first act, it’s nice to slow down and focus on two characters and their personalities.

In particular it makes you appreciate just how Ruriko had the best change ups. No nonsense with thinking Hongo killed her father, she was a part of SHOCKER and is augmented, she’s a researcher and computer expert allowing her to upgrade Hongo’s gear. I like this take on the character, it’s different and allows her to be more involved. She has a real chip on her shoulder regarding her father who was always distant, she doesn’t even think much of his death, but by the midway point the facade starts to crack and open up.

After Wasp however, there’s not a whole lot left story wise. It’s mostly about taking down Ruriko’s brother, Ichiro Midorikawa (Mirai Moriyama), the Butterfly Aug, and assumed final Senior member. And man, Anno really wanted to use some other Ishinomori characters thrown into a blender. Ichiro turned on humanity after his mother was killed in a random attack when he was 6, and eventually his entire family is killed off over the movie. So he has a thirst for vengeance and is a blue Butterfly with a double half typhoon… this man is a V3 and Inazuman OC. I’m not even mad, but that’s what he is. (He also goes by Kamen Rider 0, which is a term that goes back to the OG series as a planned failed prototype Rider, and would later be used as a placeholder for New Kamen Rider/Skyrider, Black, and Shin. References!)

Ichiro has a cool calm demeanor, and his power is absorbing the prana of others and placing them in a purgatory-like realm, his goal being to do that to the world so no one else has to die a senseless death like his mother. He’s framed as being ideologically the opposite of Hongo, and there is something there about order and chaos, control and freedom. Sadly, I don’t find him an interesting villain. Moriyama does a great job in the role, but I don’t think he has enough to work with. Ichiro simply isn’t that developed nor does the film utilize the themes surrounding him. He’s someone that would make a great series villain, have flashbacks to his old self, the relationship with Ruriko. Really build him up overtime. But for a film? Not so much. And I shouldn’t have to read a prequel manga to fill in the blanks.

That aside, it’s Ichiro who’s responsible for turning Ichimongi Hayato into 02, and I want to re-emphasize; Hayato is great in this. He’s more upbeat and jokey than Hongo, he contrasts wonderfully, is a lot of fun, and we do not get enough of him in the film. We don’t even have much of him interacting with Hongo. You have the initial fight, a few words after, and then their only other interaction is during the climax.

Thankfully, while the narrative is a bit light after Nigo is introduced, the film wisely maintains character interactions with Ruriko that play a substantial role in providing much needed heart, showing a vulnerable more human side, while Ikematsu once again is bringing his all to showcase Hongo’s sorrow.

I should also mention Hongo’s backstory at this point, and it’s…weird. It comes very late into the movie and primarily is there to contrast with Ichiro.

The short of it is his father was a policeman that refused to use his gun in a hostage situation and it got him killed. Hongo took that kindness and willingness to help others to heart, but unlike his father, he is willing to use that power, the destructive means. And I get the intent there; it’s the same basis as the story Ishinomori told about hitting a bully. You have to use strength sometimes, not because you enjoy it, but because you need to, even if it breaks your heart to do it. There is something still a tad uncomfortable about the whole ordeal about Hongo wishing his dad shot someone, but I also suppose that’s the point. There is another important element to the story, which is that the end of the movie has Hongo giving up his helmet at the cost of his body. He has, in essence, given up the gun like his father. That’s something I would want to analyze on a rewatch. But my initial reaction to the backstory is “This isn’t good or necessary.” I don’t think we need to be given a reason for why Hongo is a kind person willing to use force, that can just be who he is. But Anno can’t help but impose parental complexes on a character.

I suppose the last thing to mention is that, yeah, Hongo “dies” during the final battle, but similar to the manga, his mind lives on. But instead of being a brain in a jar somewhere, his prana inhabits the helmet given to Hayato. It’s a nice twist on the concept.

Also worth mentioning that this is the most open-ended of Anno’s Shin series. Hayato gets a new suit, becomes Kamen Rider 2+1 (love that name) SHOCKER has a new Cobra Aug, and the film ends with Hayato riding off.

Oh, I also didn’t mention K, because he doesn’t appear to do anything important. Emphasis on appear.

So, Shocker was founded by a Japanese billionaire who created an AI system called I, a big machine, and later J (looking a lot like Kikaider) and the third and final before his suicide was K. K is an observer throughout the film, showing sympathy for fallen Augs, but also the heroes, never intervening against them. He just watches in secret, and I’m wondering if a sequel intends to develop a conscience for him and turn him against Shocker. That’s the only reason I can figure he’s here because otherwise it’s a very unnecessary and weird cameo. It feels like the Kyodain siblings appearing as villains in the Fourze movie, it’s just an out of place re-imagining for the sake of a reference.

But that's just one half of Shin Kamen Rider. While the story leaves a bit to be desired to say the least, how to the visuals fair? Well, it's a bit mixed as well.

If I give Anno anything as a filmmaker it’s that he’s typically visually engaging, goes extra hard when needed, but also knows when to dial it back. Even with all the Wikipedia level exposition at the start, the camera’s always moving, always making the frame look interesting, usually providing additional footage as a character explains a backstory. But, when we get to Ruriko and Hongo having a heart to heart, things are more simple, because it’s the characters drawing you in more than anything else.

Of course, where the visual truly lets loose is the special effects. When Anno is on, he is fucking on. The above is the perfect encapsulation of the film at its best going extra on the style, and the best I've ever seen at invoking the speed and power of Ishinomori's Manga panels. Transformations and finishers are unsurprisingly the biggest highlight. The editing and fight sequences are another matter...

We’ve got probably 3-4 different things going on here in terms of styling. There’s snap zooms and smash cuts like the 70s series, which… can look a little archaic, but I kinda like it. There’s a charm and sense of love there.

You’ve got more modern rapid cuts showing the impacts during fights, which never gets tiring. It adds a speed and franticness to the battles while still providing a clear shot of the impact.

It’s also just fun watching SHOCKER combatmen get their heads squished, or blood splatter against a tree like a bucket of paint. Speaking of, the fights are very violent, almost on par with Black Sun’s level of gore. Again, I’m fairly certain some of the monsters were thrown in here simply to have them be turned into a smear under Ichigo’s boot.

The other more predominant style is…not so good. We have quite a lot of fights that use a very shaky cam combined with rapid smash cuts and obnoxious closeups that invokes the absolutely worst in action scenes, devolving into an incoherent mess of blurry visuals that makes a Taken film look refined. You can get away with a little bit if it’s meant to show the chaos of what the opponents are facing, but not an entire sequence. The audience still needs to see what’s happening. The Scorpion Aug in particular has one of the absolute worst. I remember thinking to myself it looks like they shot this on a damn phone… later learning that several scenes were shot on goddamn iPhones.

Another thing I’m not crazy about is the night sequences, or areas that are dark. As much as SKR wants to replicate and build off of the OG’s visuals, these are lit worse than the Showa era stuff. The entire fight with the Shocker Riders in the tunnel system is barely visible, it’s an absolute mess of what could and should’ve been a highlight of the film. Even with the glowing eyes, nothing looks as visceral and raw as when the OG put the heroes in the dark.

However, the fight between Hongo and Hayato is really fun. This is going full Shonen ham with showcasing the Riders running at incredible speeds, jumping high into the air, and flipping great distances. Most of the fight is in CG, which is okay, not great looking, but I’m happy they didn’t do it at night to try and hide it. Although I do wonder why doing wire work and green screen wasn’t used for some sections.

Also, there’s a bit in the fight where Hongo’s leg gets injured. I laughed.

But while I do enjoy this particular battle, this also highlights a limitation of Shin Kamen Rider’s fight scenes, which is that the only really good bits are either quick cuts only showing the impacts, or heavily CG’d. Suit actors having well paced and well shot choreographed fights simply aren't here. And that’s made all the more damning by the currently airing series, Geats, having some of the absolute best choreography in a Toku in years. Hell, the fight between Black Sun and Bilgenia had a more interesting structure. Sure, Ichigo and Nigo having a DBZ fight is fun, having Wasp move at an inhuman pace can only be done in CG. But so many fights devolve into watching a cutscene.

One thing I can give credit towards being consistently amazing is the sound design. Every hit feels destructive, crunchy, squishy, and incredibly satisfying to the ears. The opening battle sets a pretty high standard and it never disappoints. Numerous subtle sounds, too. The film has multiple sequences where we’re keyed in on the sound of leather and zippers. Kinda sounds kinky, doesn’t it? But it is oddly enjoyable. Probably my favorite is Hongo removing his glove, which really doesn’t want to come off, like the armor is a part of him, with a sound befitting that.

We might as well get into some of the miscellaneous general aesthetics and visual choices, because we get a blend of everything here. I don’t want to spend much on the main suit itself beyond just how amazingly simple the design philosophy was. Take the original suit, mix some of the Sakurajima colors in there, add panel lines and some techno stuff. Bam, something modern that stays more true to the original than "The First" did and looking miles better.

What I find more interesting is how the suit is treated as a separate piece, it doesn’t just form, it’s something that has to be put on. Or, as is the case here, almost never taken off. It’s not dissimilar to what was planned for, uh, Shin. Likewise, the helmet is a separate part that has to be put on before transforming, like in the Manga and numerous conceptual ideas for other Riders.

They even go as far as to require Hongo to gather wind to transform, while Hayato can just easily take the wind in at a standstill. And that’s maintained, Hongo never even fans his hands.

The Riders are also monstrous under their armor, though not to the extent of Black or Shin. It’s a very subdued look comparatively, but very unique as well. It’s Showa-esque in a way; red eyes, green skin, and some clawed hands with spines. And I think that’s probably the best way to take later iterations of Rider and retroactively fit them to the 70s Showa inspired aesthetic.

I also like the speenlines on the Shocker masks, kinda reminds me of the Big Machine in the manga.

Ooooh boy, what a ride. We’re kinda at the part I’ve been dreading, and that’s my final thoughts.

So, when I was in the theater, I was struggling to figure out what my thoughts on the film were, and it’s something I’ve mulled over for a couple of days since. I undoubtedly did enjoy my time, but it also felt off, and there were a lot of issues bugging me. That’s a recurring thing with me and Anno’s films. I’m always happy to see the man’s work, he’s unabashed in what he does and I truly respect that. But there’s always some element here and there that irk me, even going back to Shin Godzilla.

I thought they had a great nuanced take criticizing the Government’s response to natural disasters, the overreach of the US’ influence, and a cynical outlook from officials where the biggest concern wasn’t loss of life, but economics. Yet all the same, there's a message of hope that there are those that care and are trying their damnedest. At the same time, the film is nearly undermined by a lack of a much needed human element from those disasters. We see property destruction, but never the people caught up in it. I thought it was toothless in that regard, less so than a film made in the 50s which had the gall to show a mother and her children in a sea of flames. Shin Godzilla has a lot of appealing elements, particularly visually, but I found it flawed.

With Shin Kamen Rider there were certainly more flaws than Anno’s previous outings, but the thing that I came to realize above all else is that it doesn’t feel like Anno wanted to make a movie, he wanted to make a big budget Mini series and crammed it into two hours. The number of ideas in here feels like they could be expanded upon and made into 4-6 roughly 45 minute long episodes for a first season. Spread out the expository dialogue, do more with Bat, Scorpion, and Chameleon/Mantis, build up Hongo and Hayato's relationship so they learn to work together before the finale, and expand on Ichiro. That sounds like a far better medium for the story being told here.

I enjoyed my time with Shin Kamen Rider. I'm glad I saw it. There's a great deal of love, knowledge, and admiration for the series.

But it’s clear that the ideas were too big for a movie, too expensive for a series, and the compromise is noticeable in the final results.

I have to wonder if Anno was drained after the combo of Eva 3.0+1.0 and Shin Ultraman but pushed himself to make this.

Meanwhile, I am once again here, knowing that I enjoyed the watch, but how much I enjoyed it is hard to pin down and I think all I can manage is: good enough. 

Because when I step back and take a look at what SKR does with all its pieces relative to the 121 minute run time, the characters, the setting, themes, the filmography… I think it does less than what Kamen Rider ZO does with its 48 minute runtime. Shin Kamen Rider feels like a production that was poorly planned, exacerbated by the pandemic, with a script that ballooned beyond the means of its intended format.

Even with the things I did enjoy, it feels like every positive comes with an asterisk. The finishers are incredible- the pacing is ruined to incorporate several of them. The speed and power invoked in the transformations are perhaps the absolute best of the franchise- but all the fights are more expensive yet less fluid and visually engaging than a television production. The pace improves midway- that quality is not consistent.

I’m bummed saying this, but it’s just how I feel on the matter. Again, Shin Kamen Rider wasn't a bad time, I wasn’t miserable. Hell, the audience I saw it with was clapping. If you got a ticket for the June 5th showing, I hope you have fun. Seeing a Kamen Rider movie on the big screen isn’t something you get often, ya know? Just don’t expect it to match Godzilla or Ultraman.

As for the possibility of a sequel, well, Anno’s already teased wanting to do Mask World, and I hope Anno gets to make it. Thankfully he’s taking an extended break, something I feel is much needed since, again, I think he was burned out while making Rider.

And I’m getting burned out on this review, so I think I’ll end it there.

As always, thanks for reading. If you like what I do, you can donate a dollar to my Ko-Fi page or simply reblog this post.

[snakeoil2]

“Now, I think that, seeing as you’ve been running about the world, you might be able to talk to Krimmic. Make him understand that running off isn’t all it’s cracked up to be,” Kallum said, turning a focused look onto Yoku. It wasn’t a glare, but it was a loaded expression. Yoku had never been good at reading people.

Eventually the two managed to reach the hall where the trio may have gone down. It was quite easy to follow the path of destruction. They stumbled upon the three harassing the kitchen. 

For a moment, the three were surprised to be chased down by a stranger. They tried to run again, but Yoku nabbed Krimmic before he could join the others. Lifting him up, Yoku studied the young kobold. He looked about five years old. Not yet full grown, he still had another year or so before he could be considered matured. His scales seemed to be a muddy red hue, except for his underbelly, which was a dirty white. Krimmic’s large ears dwarfed his miniscule horns. A thick brown fabric tufted by white fur was draped over his body. 

Two facets stood out to Yoku though. On his back was a long spear, for a kobold. It might have been a little short for most humanoids though. Oddly, a portion of the spear was made out of… bone rather than steel. The Dragon Fang Lance. It was a mark of pride for the tribe, but due to its size and weight, few kobolds ever used it. Other than that was a band wrapped about Krimmic’s wrist. A brass band studded with rubies and sapphires. It marked one as a leader amongst the kobolds. Kallum had himself one such band. But the one on Krimmic was different. It took Yoku a minute to recognize the magic in it. He didn’t have a clue what it did, but it was there.

Krimmic crossed his arms in defiance. He was a big, dangerous warrior of the clan, ferocious and strong. Alas, he stood barely up to Yoku’s shins on his own, so Krimmic’s authority was somewhat undermined.

“You’re Krimmic?” Yoku asked. Sure, the band pretty much confirmed it, but it was good to double check. “Yeah, so what?” Krimmic replied. “I think we need to talk,” Yoku said, easing himself to the floor. Krimmic was still about three feet off the floor, Yoku didn’t trust him not to dash. “So, you’re interested in running off? How come?” Krimmic scoffed. “Shouldn’t you know? You already ran off looking for glory and whatever.”

Oh. “Kallum, can you and the others get out?” “Yoku? What is it?” “I need to talk to Krimmic alone.” “… very well.” Kallum ushered out the kitchen staff. While he could press the issue, he’d had no luck swaying Krimmic. If Yoku had a way to do that, to connect with the lad in a way he couldn’t, it’d be worth it. Krimmic glared up at Yoku. This might be a tough sell.

“So, interested in adventuring?” Yoku said. “What are you after?” Krimmic’s face softened a bit at that. “Well, I want treasure! I want myself a massive hoard!”

“Oddly, adventuring isn’t the best way to get treasure. You think, oh, I can just run wherever I want, plundering who knows what, but then you get told about all the fees various guilds insist upon, and also food, lodging, and all the equipment you need to just get through every place. You need to get really lucky to get a job that pays well enough to cover it’s own cost. That’s assuming it doesn’t kill you outright,” Yoku explained.

Krimmic’s face had long since eclipsed listening and traveled to incomprehension. It was apparent that he had considered the logistics of this about as much as Yoku had.

Not at all. “What do you mean? How do you get jobs?” “You get lucky.” Krimmic was downtrodden upon hearing of the far more realistic life of an adventurer. Yoku didn’t really want to break his dream, even if he had talked to Kallum about getting Krimmic to stay. “Y’know what? Let’s make a deal,” Yoku said. He wasn’t completely sure about this, but he had an idea. “I’m planning on taking over Pakan. When I’ve got a base all set up, I’ll invite you over. You can get some experience for the whole adventure thing. Until then, you gotta stay here. How’s that sound?” Krimmic pondered the offer for a second. It seemed like he would accept, but there was a nagging voice in his head, pushing him to ask a simple question. “Why do you think I should stay?” Yoku heaved out a sigh. He knew someone would ask this question. “When I set out, I wasn’t sure the clan would be safe. I wanted to try and become so ferocious no one would dare threaten you guys. Instead, I abandoned you, right when the Conqueror appeared on our doorstep. I should have been there, instead I left. I don’t want you to go through that too.” “But. But you came back! You saved us!” Krimmic cried. “I still left. I don’t want anyone else to know how it feels to abandon those who depend on you.” Krimmic seemed… surprised?… to hear how Yoku felt. The idea that he’d abandoned the kobolds… Krimmic didn’t think he had. Klyps hadn’t thought so. Keef… Keef hadn’t been a part of the clan when Yoku left two years ago. “Alright,” he heard himself say. Krimmic wrestled with the fear that Yoku had now given him. The fear that without him the clan might be in trouble. “Great!” Yoku smiled again. “Now, do you know any good kobold rangers? I need to track a few people down.” “Well, Klyps is probably the best tracker in the clan,” Krimmic said. “Really? What happened to Krag?” Yoku asked. “Not able to smell a thing since Klyps jammed an onion up his nose.” “Ah.” /\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Krimmic stared out the open window. There was a cart out in the yard, right by the gate. It was loaded high with maps of Pakan and some of Keep Rememberance’s best guesses as to where the tribes may be, some food, and one kobold carrying a sizable crossbow, for her. Her horns were more silvery than Krimmic’s, and her scales more brown than his Otherwise, it was quite difficult to tell them apart. They did have the same mother. Klyps had an anxious expression. She wanted a journey just as much as Krimmic did, but traveling all alone was worrying. Sure Yoku was a great warrior with numerous accomplishments under his belt, but the strength of kobolds was numbers and wits. Just two kobolds were not safe. Krimmic looked to his left as a voice rose. Keef was a new addition to the clan, sneaking his way in while they’d gotten themselves liberated from the Conqueror. His scales were far redder than the rest of the clan, and his underbelly far more yellow. His most distinguishing feature though were the pair of goggles over his eyes, followed closely by his bandolier of vials. Keef thought himself an alchemist, to the dismay of all involved parties. Krimmic enjoyed having him around. His many tricks were very useful… if they didn’t blow up in your face. “We could sneak on there. Yoku doesn’t seem too bright,” Keef suggested. But Krimmic was already shaking his head. “Yoku had me promise I wouldn’t go, he’s… he’s worried about the tribe,” Krimmic protested. “He always is.” Krimmic and Keef jumped as Kallum appeared next to them. For an ancient kobold in a wheelchair, he could be horrifically quiet. Was he invisible? Had he just greased his wheels? How did neither of them notice? Kallum turned a sad gaze out the window. Yoku was trundling back inside, grabbing the last few notes before they all took off. “Yoku ain’t none too bright, not at all. But he cares about us, and wants us safe. Whether that means trying to build us a home away from home, or fighting someone who hurt us. I think that if you went with him you’d be safe.” Krimmic and Keef glanced at each other. This kobold was the one immovable force which had stopped them from roaming free. And now… “Sir, are you saying we can-” “I’m saying that someone lost an important notebook, and Yoku’s spending a fair amount of time looking for it. I doubt he’d notice a pair of stowaways under a dozen blankets,” Kallum clarified. He put his hands to his wheels, and rolled off. Krimmic and Keef shared another glance, and shared a mischievous grin. 
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Yoku never really talked about his ability to see soul’s strings. It’s not that it was some big secret, it just wasn’t terribly important. It was honestly annoying. He’d look around and see dozens of strings springing into the sky. Different strings meant something, but Yoku never bothered to learn the details, passed learning how to turn off the special eyes. But when three soul strings rose from the cart, and only one person was supposed to be there, he knew something was up. Yoku turned to Kallum, a single questioning eyebrow raised. Kallum returned the look with a coy smile. Yoku got in front of the cart. He picked up the handles, and began to walk down the road. Klyps kept trying to make small talk, obviously intending to run interference for the two stowaways. “Alright, you two can come out,” Yoku said once they’d gotten out of range of the Keep. One kobold head popped out, shortly followed by a second. “How’d you-” “Did Kallum tell you to come?” Yoku’s tone brooked no argument. If the answer was no, he very well may have tossed them all back to the Keep. “He-he did. He believed you’d be able to keep us safe,” Krimmic stammered out. Yoku let out a gruff sigh. “Fine, but you two had better have something to contribute.”

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

Sergeant Daniels sat at her desk. She was finishing up her report. Her higher ups had been mentioning having a band of Falkran Mercenaries try and clear out Pakan. If she couldn’t provide tangible proof of progress before then, they might be out of luck. Sure, they all wanted to see an Epanak unburdened by the Conqueror’s presence, but the little progress she had made being wiped away as the success and skill of these mercenaries? Unacceptable. Sergeant Daniels would take this fool, this brute, this villain, Yoku, and forge from him someone who could fend off each and every fragment of the Conqueror’s broken legions. A commotion erupted from the corridors of the barracks. Yoku had returned. Wonderful, maybe they could have a meeting on how they should go about finding the many tribes of… what is that. Daniels watched as a trio of kobolds, not even up to her hips, rocketed past, leaving a trail of robbed soldiers in their wake. Those soldiers, of course, did not stay in their wake for long, lest they be bowled over by a storming Yoku. Daniels had her work cut out for her.

[anakinskywalkerog]

AHSOKA EP. 1 RECAP

hi! so I’ve been like, totally MIA, super busy, avoiding Tumblr at ALL COSTS so I could avoid Ahsoka spoilers until I watched it. and now I am BACK and HERE and I want to share my THOUGHTS so get ready, spoilers for Ahsoka episode 1 under the cut

1. I LOVE SHIN HATI SO MUCH!!!!

you all know I love a darksider and that I also love a HOT darksider and now we have one who is a WOMAN and not a weird alien woman but like an actual badass hot chick who has the dark side EMANATING out of her eyes (I also very much love badass Reva who is hot but not *spoiler* truly a darksider). and Shin Hati is also a PADAWAN and she has a PADAWAN BRAID I’m dying, dark padawan energy? Shin HOTTY am I right (I want to dress as her for Halloween so bad)

2. I’m not sure why they made Sabine into this Padawan character 😂 I’m sorry but it just doesn’t make sense for her to learn the ways of the force!! there are literally lines in rebels about how she doesn’t use/“have” the force.

and like, I understand that there’s a lot of story we missed between her and Ahsoka in terms of what happened after the end of rebels and before now. but it doesn’t make sense for her to learn/want to learn to be a jedi. she’s mandalorian! the scene where she surpasses her mandalorian helmet in favor of her lightsaber? I don’t get it. I absolutely love Natasha Liu’s performance though. she captures Sabine’s essence very well. Maybe I will come around on this whole jedi thing when I watch the next few episodes. I also don’t get why Ahsoka would want to teach her to be a jedi? what happened to “I am no Jedi”??

3. I loved loved LOVED seeing Lothal in live action. So good!! I love how prominent of a storyline Ezra is, from the very beginning. I love that this is a continuation of Ezra’s story. and I LOVE THE LOTH CAT I cried when I saw him (if he got hurt in that battle I will sue)

4. I don’t really understand the aesthetic choices made in the graphic design/the end credits. They’re leaning into this weird ancient/nordic vibe and it makes no sense for Star Wars. I get every show is going to have its own aesthetic but the ancient EUROPEAN?? vibe is literally the antithesis of the original star wars aesthetic and it seems Jon Favreau-y, Marvel-y to me (like it’s okay for them all to share some basic design rules okay?!)

5. on the flip side, I like the soundtrack! it’s definitely different aesthetically but I like how it sort of leans into the epic fantasy vibe. I’m into it.

6. As much as I think Rosario and MEW are doing an excellent job portraying Ahsoka and Hera, I don’t love the costume/character design. the contacts are weird and idk I just feel like it’s such a big budget show and they could have done better!! but I can get over this.

okay those are all of my current and immediate reactions! overall I am very excited and I can’t wait to see where this goes and even when I post things I didn’t love/choices I didn’t understand, I want to make it clear that it is not hate on this show! I am very grateful it exists and excited to see where it takes us. These are just my absolutely unfiltered thoughts. Please comment if you agree/disagree. See you after I watch episode 2!!

[translations-dark-matter]

Living as an extra in an Omegaverse novel

Chapter 1

When it comes to main dishes, there is always a wine that perfectly matches them.

Like the relationship between the two main characters who are destined to fall in love. The main sub and the main gong are the relationship between the main dish and wine.

Since the main dish was followed by the main drink, the sub dish was just an appetizer that would enhance the taste of the main dish. No matter how good the appetizer is, it cannot surpass the main dish. In other words, the sub dish can never occupy the main.

"If I give this to Jin-ha, will he like it?"

The sub dish, who didn't know that, chose a gift to give to the main sub again today.

Se-hyeon looked at Shin Tae-oh, the poor guy.

Shin Tae-oh was the CEO of a construction company and came from a prestigious background, being the fifth-generation heir of a noble house. With a height of 190 centimetres, broad shoulders, a firm chest, and most importantly, a line that runs down to his perfectly sculpted buttocks, he was a man who embodied true artistry. 

He was a man who had a way with words and could lead conversations quite pleasantly. When it needed to be ominous, he was ominous, and when it needed to be cute, he was cute. That man with all those qualities was my boss, Shin Tae-oh.

"He's a guy like that, so he's the sub."

Naturally, someone lacking something becomes the main, and someone who has everything becomes the sub, unable to obtain even one main.

Se-hyeon looked at the gloves that Shin Tae-oh pointed to. They say it's a new product that just came out and it costs 10 million won.

'A million won for a finger?'

Regardless of what thoughts he had in mind, Se-hyeon called an employee without showing any expression.

"Please wrap it up."

The question of whether Jin-ha would like it if he gave it to him.

In other words, that means 'buy it.'

Interpreting the meaning of the words, Se-hyeon conveyed Shin Tae-oh's instructions to the employee. A card that is in my pocket but cannot be swiped.

The employee disappeared with the card and gloves. After a while, I was handed something to pack and put in a small shopping bag, and I stood in front of President Shin Tae-oh.

"I will pass it on to Yoo Jin-ha."

"Okay." Ah, it's obvious that if I just give it, I won't receive it.

Yoo Jin-ha was an office worker at President Shin Tae-oh's company. He is a fairly conscientious employee who works in the design department and even became an assistant manager. So, the current president is currently in an unrequited love with an employee of his company.

"Your hands get cracked because it's cold, they say they give it to you because it's difficult to draw."

Stop making excuses.

Come up with something somewhat plausible. He said he was smart but always made the same excuse.

"Alright."

Although it was already visible what would happen to this armour, Se-hyeon carried out the order without saying a word.

***

Se-hyeon is the secretary. It's been over five years since I was possessed in the novel, and it's been a little less than three years since I became the president's secretary. I can't tell you how surprised I was when I first found out I was in a novel. 

However, he was not the main character, nor was he a villain who would die and disappear. He knew he was just an extra and he relaxed for a while.

"At least you don't die."

My father who earns a living by doing manual labour and my mother who saves money by sewing clothes, despite their hard work, have given me love that I envy no rich man's son for. Thanks to them, it wasn't all bad for Se-hyeon, who lived as an orphan before being adopted. I gained parents and a sense of family.

Living a poor but stable life had the biggest impact on me when I started looking for a job before graduating from college. Is there a way for me to live well while maintaining this family?

The solution came quickly. I planned to use the original work I knew as much as possible.

"First of all, since you know who the villain is, avoid him."

These people are truly people who cannot be rehabilitated, so for no reason, you'd get burned by being around them.

"The main character is so tiring."

It's a shock to be next to two people whose love for each other is firmly established through all kinds of crises.

Se-hyeon, who was worried, found a very suitable partner.

"Shin Tae-oh."

As a sub character figure, there is no major crisis and I have quite a bit of information. I can't say he had a very good personality, but he definitely took care of everyone. So, I thought that if I could stick with it, I could work for a long time. Once we decided on the opponent, it was easy from then on.

After the interview, I entered the frontlines and assisted with different tasks. Thanks to matching Shin Tae-oh's needs well, I even became his personal secretary.

It was easy to accommodate his personality.

Act with discretion and be mindful of your actions.

Shin Tae-oh's public image is flawless anyway. However, if you act out of line in private matters, you will no longer be compatible. As Shin Tae-oh doesn't keep incompatible secretaries around, all I had to do was maintain that.

Perhaps that's why, excluding a few secretaries, I quickly got promoted and secured my position.

In addition to my stable monthly salary, thanks to the occasional bonus from Shin Tae-oh, Se-hyeon's situation noticeably improved. It was enough to handle the responsibilities of my parents' lives, even though it wasn't abundant. Thanks to the reduced burden in their lives, my parents' health also improved.

"Of course, I'm happy too."

The studio he currently lives in alone is clean and worth living in, and Se-hyeon's life isn't bad as he works under a normal boss. On the contrary, it's too good.

Only one thing.

Se-hyeon held up a shopping bag.

'Except for what happens when you can't let go of your lingering affection for the main leads.'

Anyway, the story in the novel is progressing and the subplot is intensifying.

"I came to see Assistant Manager Yoo Jin-ha."

"Wait for me."

Se-hyeon called the main number in a business-like tone and stood on one side of the hallway.

As I was watching them without interfering with the passage of others, Yoo Jin-ha soon came out.

"Hello, Secretary Ahn Se-hyeon."

"Hello, I have something to discuss."

Jin-ha looked around and said that there would be no one in the restroom right now. Se-hyeon nodded and started heading in that direction, feeling the gaze of people.

The CEO's personal secretary meeting an assistant was the object of curiosity. However, Se-hyeon, who had no intention of explaining the situation to them, casually ignored their stares.

As soon as they entered the restroom, Yoo Jin-ha spoke.

"What's the matter?"

"The CEO asked me to deliver this."

"What is this...?"

If I asked them to open it themselves, they would refuse without even looking inside.

"It's gloves."

"I'm sorry, but I can't accept a gift Iike this. It's burdensome and I don't know why I should receive it again."

"He said he's giving it to you because it's cold, your hands get chapped and it's difficult to draw."

Se-hyeon relayed what President Shin Tae-oh said without a single mistake.

"Because it's cold?"

Jin-ha's hair swayed in the warm air coming from the ceiling. It's winter outside but it's warm inside the company. Yoo Jin-ha's forehead seems to be wet. Is it sweat?

"Anyway, he gave it to me for that reason."

The excuses are the boss's responsibility, but the embarrassment is mine.

"I'm sorry. I will decline."

"Understood."

Se-hyeon, who had no intention of forcibly accepting, grabbed the doorknob to leave the restroom without hesitation.

"Secretary Ahn Se-hyeon."

"Why are you asking?"

Did he change his mind midway and want to accept the gloves?

"Do you happen to have a lover?"

Yoo Jin-ha must be developing feelings for the male lead, so why would he ask such a question?

"Ah... Someone else asked me to inquire."

Perhaps Yoo Jin-ha noticed the reason behind my gaze and quickly added a remark. In that case, it's easy to answer.

No, I don't have one. And I have no plans to have one in the future.

"Yes, there is."

Although I happened to read this novel and entered this world, there was one thing I still couldn't get used to. That's a trait. No matter how many times I looked at the trait on my resident registration card, I couldn't get used to it.

Se-hyeon bowed his head in greeting and left.

Se-hyeon went back the way he came, ignoring the glances glancing at his face again. That's okay because I'm a secretary who just needs to satisfy President Shin Tae-oh's mood.

'Relaxing.'

This world.... my life.

Se-hyeon, who came into the body of an extra, was having a miserable work life today.

***

"He refused?"

"Yes."

There was no question as to why he refused. Instead, Shin Tae-oh glared at the shopping bag with dissatisfied eyes.

"Why don't you accept my gift?"

Would you accept it?

"Is the gift any good?"

You probably aren't that good.

"Or on the contrary, do you feel burdened by the gift?"

Huh. No. You are a burden.

I wanted to scold him and tell him not to blame the object, but Se-hyeon just stood there with an expressionless face. Unfortunately, President Shin Tae-oh cannot use the gloves because he bought them. Since his hands were different sizes, there was only one way to handle this.

"Shall I get a refund?"

"It's okay. Secretary Ahn can have it."

"Alright."

President Shin Tae-oh muttered, scolding Yoo Jin-ha, who did not accept his feelings again today, and Se-hyeon looked with loving eyes at the gloves he would wear starting tomorrow.

"However…"

Se-hyeon put his hand holding the shopping bag behind him and raised his eyes with feigned indifference.

"Does Jin-ha like king crab?"

Se-hyeon swallowed his saliva and answered.

"I'll make a reservation."

Next chapter

[curejiraiya]

For fun; heres all the secondhand KOP merch that is decently priced somewhere on the internet, and ships to the US without a proxy, that I am currently considering buying, but something is holding me back. (it's usually money, but for some it's me knowing I would be upset that I didn't have all 3 members of Over the Rainbow)

Here's me ranting about why I haven't bought some of these

I really want the KakeTai doujin lol but $25 is just more than I can budget 😔 I think it's a fair price too I just would be pissed at myself if I spent that on 4 books in a language I do not read.

I also really want the $10 Kouji and Kazuki mochi's but I'm being held back because the Hiro I have will have a different outfit. I wish I could find Kazuki and Kouji in their Athletic Core outfits.

I'm really eyeing the Pride the Hero soundtrack CD too. I probably won't get it because I'd be mad at myself for buying CDs in 2023

Also the ebay listing for those 7 acrylics for $25 is a steal, I just don't really like the cast of characters it's so random. Same with some of the paper stands, if it had like the strong duos or OTR or Shin Louis or something I'd probably buy, but they're just a random assortment.

In the Mercari stuff the $26 listing has a pin I REALLY want, it's the Kouji cafe pin and I have the Hiro one so it'd make a good set, but I don't really want much of anything else there so I can't see myself dropping that much (A few of those listings have additional shipping costs and that's definitely one of them)

Now that you've read to the end (hi) let me explain that I'm disabled and cannot keep a job and therefore have no income, but I got $90 in a settlement and I plan on spending all of it on merch lmao I just need to be picky because once it's gone I'm not getting any more.

Here's a bonus that I did buy today:

This photo sucks but I got the notif that the seller lowered the price on this one to $25 and I could not help myself oops!

I also almost got the diner amo cafe stuff on amiami but I couldn't decide if I wanted everyone or just OTR and I didn't realize preorders were closing soon so I missed them rip. I don't doubt there will be more up there eventually though, they did just announce a new amo cafe line the day after that one closed, but I'm not big on this new one. it's not on amiami yet though

Also no my biggest merch regret is not getting the Rainbow Live 10th anniversary Over the Rainbow acrylics. I love those outfits a lot a lot but I didn't go for them and it's like . not going to be possible now lol.

I also have like $60 left so realistically I could make a big purchase on Buyee from Yahoo auctions and get what I actually want, but god the fucking shipping is just so much it's disappointing.

I wasn't expecting to write a king of prism merch roundup holy shit I'm sorry have a good day 🤭 let me know if people enjoy this post and would want to see something like this again? or if you want a link to any of these specific items so you can poach them from me (if you buy the doujin I'll cry lmao) they all ship to America for like $10 or less. Also if money isn't as big of a problem for you as it is for me just buy from Buyee or ZenMarket please, if you can handle the $40 shipping you can get a ton of stuff at way better prices

[notmuchtoconceal]

It's the Brux Show Now, Bitch! (Starring Brux!) (Authored Solely By Brux And With No Help Save A Living Hand) [excerpt]

--

he was tapping on the mic. the booms of his fingers echoed over the air.

- ouch. that’s deafenin, mate.

INTRODUCING -- CPT. BRUXER HARUSPEX

he had a mastery of certain empathic qualities which made for a judicious herald.

- he's a liar.

he could demonstrate.

- his dick gets hard when he lies.

the gentleman who was lying :-- he was stricken with priapism.

- a terrible burden, the weight of sin.

a terrible burden, the weight on shins.

- my friend here, who i professionally, though not unaffectionately, refer to as the major -- he is wizened in his simplicity. he sees things as they are, and for the at times alarming juxtapositions of his visceral naiveties, he presents frequent and starting insights into the deeper mechanisms of the natural world. he is a semi-retired state executioner, now bound by red tape and burdened by paperwork, chained to a desk far from any field of battle -- though not far from any field of prattle, i'm not sorry to say.

when you took to the field these days -- it tended to be slaughter. 

- you a hunting man, major? got favorite game?

you make all business your pleasure. 

- what is it exactly that you do, sir? in your capacity as -- (we just call him head bitch. not to his face, of course. we're all dad's bitches and he's head bitch. just the way it happens to be sometimes, mates) -- ah yes, as the praetorian prefect. 

you get bitched at by dad a lot. 

- finally. finally, i'm on the air. i'm on the air again. oh my gosh. oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh. oh me. i'm back on the air. listen. i'm looking to revitalize the culinary arts. the things we eat... the things we eat don't need to cost a lotta money. they don't gotta taste that good. usually it's good enough... folks -- it's good enough to just be good enough. you know. you don't need nothin fancy. you don't need nothin you're gonna remember. i don't wanna remember what i ate. just wanna shove it in my face while i detach from my senses and wake up a few hours later, realizin i'm alone. that's how you know you're on the right track... folks, you should black out after you eat. you don't gotta remember what you last ate. all ya gotta know's it provided ya with fuel. fuel to serve…  maybe serve your country. you know -- might be a good idea. you know... go out and serve your country. all the proud people out there serving their countries. some of which -- shocking i know -- aren't even ours. some of you. some of you are big eaters. maybe you ate a bunch -- blacked out, forgot you ate -- hey. just means you get to eat again. probably made a lotta room. you're lucky -- lucky you get to live in a country where you got problems like eatin too much. so much you eat and fall asleep and eat some more. gosh. do you even do anything else all day? it makes me sick. sick like a dog. wet dog. are you somebody's pet? you even know how clean up after yourself, big guy? huh? i strip you outta that commando shit, what're you gonna do, huh? go kneel in the corner and shit? you're an animal. get you one of those lil drip nipples. make ya suckle. like to suckle? maybe not a nip? maybe get one a yer fruitcake brothers down here. make ya eat his cake -- could really go so for some cake right now -- not his. folks, all you need out of a hearty meal is enough to provide for you -- provide ya with fuel. to get the job done. hey. ya gotta love jobs. jobs gotta eat too, kids.

 full-time. no benefits. 

- well, sir. what you know you know well :-- self-respect must be its own reward! 

your unit, of which father had selected from only the finest eagles and jaguars of the corps, |. were to serve as the unconquerable arbiters of his will. in the square, our stations served to herald his convoy-- we who decorated the steps, and watched from behind the columns. we walked with him, and our hearts throbbed with him. his body was our body, as his will was our will. though one man, he cast seven shadows, the tallest of which sheltered him in darkness. 

.| - and also brux!

by day you stood with them – and the forms of the buildings continued upright.

every cubic structure met in corners, and every corner was met by the touch of two walls. these were not false cubits -- nor were there cubits any more perfect than in the waste.

your black leather shone prismatic as tar in the white heat of morning. when you would linger in the hues of morning. from when you awoke in the dark, seeing eyes staring back from the dark -- the remnants of slumber you knew well to be leaden with regret, flayed from awareness by cruel mercies which made bare nerves dance as dandelion seeds in the stagnant dusts of the bronchioles.

( . * * * . )

the sweat clung to you. you could smell only yourself and your uniform -- the smoke clinging to you and your uniform. you took it off only when you slept. only when you went into the dark.

( ' . . . ' )

the light of hazy red neon. mint in the emerald of aquarium glass. the violet bruise of what came before dawn. you could trot along the stones and watch the people. your eyes still heavy – and still alert despite the weight you could never recall and yet never forget.

you saw how they cast their eyes from you -- how they swerved to pass you. how others fell to the stones to implore you tooth in cowl  –

some, you suspected, might even recognize you.

/|==|=|==|\

gold bricks bisected goldenrod grids of the doors  –

streaks of torched bouillon drip onto petrified globes of glistening river rock – scenes of the jester aesop and the archivists grimm – the fox danced with the tortoise as a wolf in opal and jade lifted its veil to kiss a bear before the girl they would devour – the rabbit slumbering. coalescing detritus into a second moon – and the earth below the sun. the serenity of their faces laureled by the branches through which the rays were the crown of every man and every woman – and the halo of every other star who drifted in the vast empty spaces between and be-in and beyond.

he placed a saucer of tea on your desk --  a wedge of lemon on the side.

- cpt. schreibermachen, as we all know well, sir -- is a bold and original thinker. 

a censure of sunlight fell onto his face – from the low angle, his profile had inherent the jutting brutality of a goblin shark :-- the jigsaw of his cleft shifting as he flapped his gums.

- your office is quite spacious, sir! i'm confident we can talk very loudly! 

it was considered the proper thing to use porcelain while upholding your pretense of civility -- and you found some small delight in the resonance of metal through mineral -- the foolish twirl of every stir of your silvery spoon. you grew to love the sense of personal defilement that came with your new expectations of frivolity -- the way the reservoirs ran dry and you grew to stomach the taste of chalk.

- there is a man, mates! -- who can recognize a viable alternative calcium source!

the assemblies you held were intimate and without reproach.

- grilled him like a fine carthiginian babe, sir!

it was no difficulty for you to explain the nature of your work. in pain-staking detail, if necessary. though the words were never intended to reach human ears.

- my lips are zipped!

or human eyes, for that matter.

- there were a couple on the dish, you could imagine!

to alleviate the stresses of work in which you displayed competence far below the expectations of your age and experience, you delegated to him all responsibilities of spoken command. 

- right, mates. so… all of you are right here, standing in my visual field. hello. i see you all. i can see you are having a lovely morning. now, to do roll-call, we'll start with me... and that should only take twenty minutes -- but then afterwards, we'll have to do joey, and that will take… let me see… two hours… so… loikely we won't have the time to get to all of you, but that don't make anyone part of the b-team. nobody go around thinking you're part the b-team!

everyone who isn't you, brux or joey -- you guys are the b-team. 

- don't encourage them, sir. 

as commanding officer, you prided yourself on running a tight ship -- vowing to only spin the wheel of command wildly out of control to test for the larceny of seasickness.

- please don't vomit, mate -- not like it's a centrifuge.

they dared not contradict you with an open display of facial twitching.

- nor is the stair the appropriate place to piss yourselves!

in your heart, you considered yourself a lenient superior -- and your considerations on this matter were more informed than any of the well-reasoned arguments of your detractors. 

- don't worry, mates! we'll have ya made outta sturdier stuff in no time!

down these winding halls, these permanent installations -- the dividers which housed the windows, hand-carved from wood this land no longer knew -- succumbed to the ash deep in their grooves -- the glass pulsed with the writhing cobalt of hemispheral flares silkscreened with light on the backs of the eye. around you hung the smell of labor, and of burning grass. around you hummed the marching boots and pounding keys. 

|: |: |: |  /. /. / .

your operations were impeccable -- barring those times you blinked, and were not all-seeing.

- please, sir -- if you don't observe me, I don't --

(   )

when you and those brothers who were your six closest and most able collaborators still shared an office on the set beyond the west wing, all was a tumult of streams in flux.

-sir, i can explain. i can explain everything -- please give me a moment. the craters in the woodwork, those came from the grenades, which… let's say schreibermachen, psychorragia and drythen ‘dropped’ while performin the routines up on the desks -- the windows likewise, were shattered when they were propelled outward by the force of the blast -- cpt. schreibermachen, you see, endured the heat by throwing up his trench like a cloak, and then… sorta pirouetting into a corkscrew while in the air as the track ramped up, he managed to deploy it like a parachute as the harmonies descended, and well… monkey see, monkey do. this is why we have three craters and three broken windows and two servicemen with possible definite ankle sprains. the choreography -- will of course be excellent. the write-off -- not his responsibility.

... laika's run to fetch a broom, and maybe some splints…

... the calf entrails and the squid heads, and all these silkworms, i uh… i'm not sure what cpt. hlaford was intendin to do with those, but if the room is on fire anyway, my suggestion would be we just grab an incinerator and go to town -- leave no memories behind, maj.

     ...

   ( -- )

     /|\

in your country, all was substance without form, content without substance. governed according to the principles of the pre-scoliotic aphasian cosmologies passed down by the higher tenororphic mysteries throughout the era of the fraternity states -- all things that were, they were together. 

-- :] [: :] [: _._

you could picture your body in motion. you saw yourself -- and your relation to the wall. to behold the wall, one was the wall. one stared at the wall -- and the wall was one and two.

you were composed of your movements. you saw your movements, and if they were strong, you were strong -- if they were clumsy, you were clumsy -- were they tactful, you were tactful.

the clack of an agitated march would ensue an agitated cadence to the carriage of thought -- the rhythm which would ensue a spilling of those chilly elixirs which lie serene upon your oaken shelves -- those which would stain the hand-loomed upholstery of your coach, woven luminous of the light of spring, to stir the call of your passenger. 

   /=|=\

- he's not pickin up, mate. left another message, but sometimes ya get a tone, sometimes ya get a gent, and either way, it don't take much to hear the smirk -- y'know . . .

you kept haruspex on the switchboard when you needed him quiet.

- brux has to operate the heavy machinery to make the telephone rotary calls. people had gotten tired of the spongy buttons and the lever buttons and the big round twirly buttons came back into fashion, because the constant movement of clocks was a classical symbol of efficiency and progress and by the rite of repetition unto inertia overcome, implanted itself in our big ol' hamster wheel brains -- leggo anytime ya want boys! let the momentum carry ya until you're a big ol’ puddle a spooge!

at the console, he alternated left and right :-- up and down among the axes.

- gonna connect this point -- to that point -- in as few movements -- to maximize myself for consumer efficiency -- i do wanna be an efficient consumer! -- or do i wanna be consumed in an efficient manner? -- hmmmm. note to self -- deduce later if consumer or consumable. 

the grid sprawled out before him.

- i am one with the grid.

when that didn't keep him quiet -- you found other things.

- the shape of these gates -- it inspires beauty in me. i too am a utilitarian object which aspires to be beautiful. i am the fire hydrant welt with roses in superfluous flourish. i am tin and gold. i am bronze and aluminum. i am many silvery and hollow alloys -- and i alloy all i alloy -- and allow all i allot ... to cement my daily allotments!

behind the bakelite, he tended to his square.

- in keeping with our midland laurentian ancestry gentlemen, you will be entitled to care for a square of greenery -- the worst of you will grow weeds of grass though the rest of you will find yourselves eyes-alert well-alive in the sprouts you shoot. the best among will of course find ways to grow contraband here beneath lilies of flamboyant decor -- and they will go undetected for years.

`. ( o ) .`

he approached you near the honeycomb of offices -- through the light frosted by panes of shell, his boots tapped without hesitancy to circumvent the staccato of their motion.

- g'day, major. name's haruspex. bruxer haruspex. former captain of the ruelandese national guard. reportin for duty. know we've been acquainted on many occasions, what with our numerous adventures over the years, but -- y'know... sometimes ya just loike to restate the basic premises and assumptions so everyone's on the same page. never know who might be listenin in. some freshfaced new recruit might not know the hierarchy yet. best you just play it loike a radio thing y'know -- restate the basic premises and assumptions succinctly before each altercation, that way anyone can just jump right into the story.

he said funny things like that. he said funny things in that funny voice of his :-- it made your dick hard how funny his voice was.

- so, get this. all the men back in my village in rueland -- they were all tragically (tragically overused, that word tragically) well, they were all tragically murdered in the same three week span while out huntin ostrich -- no, no. ostrich. ostrich plural. back in rueland we couldn't afford all those extra blowy noises. only learned men and old-school ultra-poofs who fancied gettin fisted up to the elbow with crisco for lube could afford all those extra blowy noises -- though the truth was, we was all to stupid to tell the difference, we're bein honest. there was one lad -- a gentleman and a scholar. he weren’t harmin no one, mate. (.) jus tryin to translate can’t into contemporary inglish. never hear that poor fucker so much as wheeze again. … strained the tongue too much, we're bein honest. all those blowy noises. we needed to keep our tongues strong. so many long mornins -- suckin cobra venom true a goat teat ta build up a tolerance lest we venture out in the front yard alone. stared down the black eyes of that devil bird down many a lonely road ... well, get this. i was the only boy in left in my village after that. you know what that means? means i got the attention of all the -- wait for it -- the attention of all the --- all the girls. i was absolutely showered in -- pause for effect -- showered in girls. major ... um. ... major, do you know what i like? major, do you know what i really, really like? major. major -- do i gotta say it? do i really gotta say it out loud? major. major. i like -- i like girls. oh my gosh. i love girls. i love their pillow fluff bodies. i love their silky fragrant locks. i love their big doe eyes -- and i love how my heart flutters into lard ripples of buttercreme when i'm just shaftin em -- poundin on em like a lil yippin puppy. oh i just wanna be pet! -- oh i just wanna be pet! -- um, major. major, i'm not gonna lie ... can i … can i be real with you for a moment? i think i just -- come closer -- i think i just really, really wanna be pet?

[scratch behind the ear]

… major! major, you make so happy major! oh, the girls -- oh major when i lived with all the girls they pampered me like a princling. they slopped my lips in wineys -- they stuffed my cheeks with ciggys -- they bit me venomously down me lowly hangin lips -- haha -- once i got in a scrape with a mongoose. tore that fucker in half. ate its heart out in retribution. still got seven inches. couldn’t even afford lemonade as a chaser ... guess what? now? now i drink for the emperor. i can imbibe elixirs from across the globe and name region of origin by scent alone. i can identify over 808 types of poisons, toxins, corrosives, unguents, tonics, herbal teas, snake oils and supplements down to the individual peptides -- to say nothin of the dungy taste of another man's spit -- 

… ostrich. it was only the one, really. birds are a lot smarter than you wanna give em credit for, well …

 ... bird.

his passion for the fairer sex was, on occasion, a novel diversion -- though often destabilizing to group cohesion.

- goils! goils! goils!

if the outermost extreme of his peripheral vision caught so much as the hemline of a skirt, he would veer out of formation blindly into oncoming traffic.

[schreibermachen–  greets the gun barrel morning with a glint of dawn]

- look over yonder, psychorrhax. toward the gray and blighted horizon -- cpt. haruspex leaps and dances as though attempting favor with the sun, or else dares to implore the bounty of a cargo drop.

[young psychorrhax views – resolute in the most measured scorn]

- perhaps it is code, cpt. schreibermachen.

- astute as always, young psychorrhax. please be so kind as, with your cocksucker’s lips so full-figured and forward, to do our company the favor of rendering unto speech the fiery valor of our fallen comrade. 

[corneal contraction in aerial view]

- 'need no help, friends. learned urban foraging in the ruelandese guard. can survive a whole lunar cycle on this here roundabout.'

… is the woman giving up to him her cherries, cpt. schreibermachen?

- in moments he shall be spitting up the pits!  

if the prospect of rescuing young women were to intercept the docket, his short term memory would obliterate itself and he would seize into a deadlock by the dictates of his mating instincts. 

- that conical fortress up on the top of the hill? estimated material of construction: tetrahedra-sifted jovian swirl concrete. estimated date of construction 370-390 post-imperial trans-fracture. estimated plundering -- well-- hehe. there are girls in there, major. baskets and baskets full of... wait, no. hold on, see. this part – this part is very relevant to my backstory you see because i was very well taken care of, and that's influenced my loike -- sensuous philosophy of life, y'know? first time i saw a battlezone, i saw a guy's head get blown clean off ... well, more like a buddy, really. i can't even remember his face -- yeah. it's hilarious now but at the time i was thinkin 'shit. i'm a lover not a fighter. i'd rather be twirlin a baton than a rifle, but hey. i look good doin either.' -- i dunno. loikely, i wasn't so glib in the moment -- y'know. i was just thinkin of the sorta thing that i'd like to say to a girl once i found one, but i gotta be honest with ya, maj. i don't remember findin any. what i can remember faintly was curlin up into a ball and cryin my eyes out -- just bein so scared and so alone and wantin to die

<<<

>>>

... some memories, mate. some memories are a lot like a boomerang... or maybe a girl -- y’know. ya throw em. ya get distracted. you’re not payin attention -- they’re gonna slap ya right back you're not payin attention. 

cpt. schreibermachen -- that fuck joey -- once hoisted a pair of silk women's undergarments up the flagpole of the display and punishment pavilion – and lace and shimmer billowing, brux was by means of sheer appetite able to scurry thirty feet vertically, where clinging to himself like a scared koala, he lost any sense of spatial or temporal orientation and found himself lacking the grit to leap back down.

[a song of hollow alloy – shrieking on a buckling gourd]

- major. major don't help me. i can do it. i can stay up here. i can stay up here all day -- with the panties. nobody look. i'm gonna sniff em.

you turned away. for the sake of the common decency, you turned away.

[cpt. schreibermachen's hand eclipsed the sun]

- look upon my labors, psychorrhax -- and tremble.

[laika doing jazzhands]

- i’m trembling -- i’m trembling, cpt. schreibermachen, sir! 

- your struggle is not heroic, psychorrhax! you flinch from greatness as a temple priestess from a backhand! your heart is full of falsity, cowardice, and petty vanity. i long to be rid of you as a golden beast would be a brood of ticks.

some moment in the past -- his shoulders shone with blacker luster.

cpt. schreibermachen stares through a porthole. the black room. the black glass. psychorrhax in biohazard gear -- banana beetle yellow -- stares through a porthole of his own. curtains of latex. sheets of latex. the sweat fragrant on his fingers. pooling on the bed. a pool of yellow beetles. he stares up. mirrors on the ceiling. larger than the others.

- been awhile. missed how good you smell.

some nights, he found himself wanting for spectacle and was forced to manufacture dilemmas in which he might showcase his expertise – to be tempted to compete for a treat unrightfully earned.

=-= = =.= = =-=

the starlight of city lights shone into the wide gilt and marble grid of the solarium.

cpt. haruspex ejected his soda stream. 

o))<

- nobody move. joey pissed the punch.

the spittle dripped from laika's face.

- cpt. haruspex, you took but a sip.

[radiant day through the windows

in joey's insertion shot]

- he has you there, haruspex. not even your finely honed culinary prowess could have so quickly and silverly ascertained that it was my broth which pollutes the vino!

[brux requested two white elephants

and a troupe of acrobats for his]

- i could sniff out those fruity notes with both eyes open!

(- and a crab-stalk grafted on his dick, bro.)

- as if you couldn’t. as if anyone couldn’t!

- it’s citrus, haruspex!

- citrus is a fruit, golden boy.

(- you turned it into the world’s worst tinto verano. i’m fuckin thirsty, bro!)

–\\./–

cpt. schreibermachen – that fuck joey – glanced at you through the light.

through currents of the straw to gold of his hair, all motes shone as points on rings of iron cross.

his smile – its manifold condescensions – unmoored his face from the affection it so rightly earned. he seemed only ever – to be half-looking away. you could somehow see – yourself blurry in his periphery. though flesh before you – already you carried the quality of memory.

- not that i ought guarantee myself a good first impression – though i ought expect to still give a second and third.

the full weight of his eyes fell on laika psychorrhax – squire still at heart – and laika smiled with the warmth of a saint or madonna painted powder blue and scale of shellac over the rim of a bow of candleglass.

- as though his neck were that candle and his eyes the flickering flame!

to see the light snuffed out. the wax glide down the slope of your arm. as a shard of the mosaic of her face entered you by slip of palm. 

– glistening gossamer – what milky nebulae fins between my fingers!   

–//o\-- 

in our country, all was a fog of materials kicked up by the wind -- all was endless configurations of smoke and heat, of organic and inorganic – and we were mixing together in a stew of our own pollutants -- none separate, though some superior in substance and others inferior – and all tangled together in a grimy embrace of bodies penned and sculpted which we pledged first to our fathers, and the fathers before our fathers, and then to this land which we claimed by virtue of our boot and by our seed, and to the structures on which we weighed the land and held her like a vise, and to our king -- and to our corps and to the people who by their sloth held their docility aloft under the pretense of care and thanked us for the blood we spilled in their name.

(%)`~`(%);~

cpt. haruspex slapped psychorrhax on the shoulder.

- have a good time, mate. take ya for a pint afterward!

bare marble flesh vivisected the fatty tissues of a breast.

the port of natalia stretched out to preserved greenery across the bay :-- the bay of manufactured hydrogen – bubbling in molecular instability reeking faintly of chloral blooms. 

whenever psychorrhax had to fuck a woman, he held himself tense and focused on the pleasure of absolute obedience to his vow -- and he purified himself of any desire but surrender in service to the father and for him he would now surrender his seed to the procreative act --

to uphold his power and the power of the state through generations -- using her as a vessel of flesh.

(wham - bam)

the shame overtook him -- reaffirming his surrender to the muck from whence he came.

- thank you, ma'm. 

his lip quivered when he smiled. 

- it was a pleasure. 

for men predisposed to such things, men wearied by long careers at war, looking to settle into decay with the holy image of woman, and to find himself in the eyes of the animals he tended, agrarian life on the vast fields of the island would prove a welcome balm. they were thought to be simple men -- driven by instinctual capacities. for a man to choose this life was to forsake his capacity for higher abstraction – and with it all that made him more than animal. a man who chose this life then had accepted he knew only what he had to give -- and could reproduce himself through the systems of the state in only his most immediate and mechanical way -- and for the privilege of this slothful intellect, he was entitled to grow the food we eat, and to take more than he needed, and erect harems for the women he and they knew well to be his.

for what we knew, we knew well -- men were machines, and could be reproduced by machines, though as men could build machines of greater efficacy, we had no reason to manufacture men in the manner of machines, nor machines in the manner of men -- for this distinction, the most superficial, effected us at the level of our very physiology, and needed not be spoken aloud.

to be sent to the island to raise children among the women was then confirmed by sound men of the rank and file to be penance for a low confirmed kill-count. men of medium-range who met their blood debt but could not give in excess were to meet full quota by diluting blood with seed. per each child sired with a woman who walks alone or with women who flock together, a man could expect to receive the equivalent of 19-23 confirmed kills depending on the health, weight, phenotypical make and calculated killer or breeder potential of his son. 

for though we all had mothers, the father of us all was the head of state -- and from his will no good man could deviate, for to subvert our father was to subvert the will of the state.

young psychorrhax, gentle soul that he sometimes was, now sired his seventh son --

-purify me, sir. 

* )( * .^ | ^ ( o ) ^ |  ^. * )( *

...  i am unclean.

the solarium shone luminous through the halo of this hair.

it was typical, for men of our generation, to purify our manhood after contact with the fair flesh.

[cpt. haruspex – vernacular rapier sharp]

- listen, mates. if we’re talkin purity as an emergent consequence of performin the rites, well i’m the most pure of all. i fuck the most girls, i perform the most rites. i don’t even bother to bow and consecrate the major before i drink his piss and resubstantiate my manhood. big guy just pisses in my canteen, i take a swig right after i eat out a girl and give her a kiss on the cheek -- intone a prayer to brodin, it's all good.

... then it’s like she’s gettin her manliness purified too and next time i’m with her, she’ll be clean, then if i keep stayin with her, she’ll keep gettin enough secondhand sunrays to be clean and pure as any man (despite bein nuttin but woman!) then it won’t matter if she’s a woman, cause we’ll both be manly and pure, and as such will attain limitless solar heat in addition to the power of biological reproduction. imagine it, mates. brux and a girl. the ultimate organism! that’s what the love of a good man can do to a good woman, mates! you put the work in, it’s true as any love. don’t need the titillation of filth, 'tis true!

cpt. schreibermachen -- was more unconvinced than usual.

- haruspex, considering the extant biomass of the female, to say nothing of the infinitesimal spattering of viable purification you’d get from such molecular contact, it would take untold generations to purify a woman in such a manner.

[cpt. haruspex – reviving the tooth whitening cult]

- clever man, joey. i gotta do a whole generation’s work in one man’s lifetime.

the door slammed shut in relation to them.

[schreibermachen and psychorrahx –

silhouettes in muted static]

- imagine it, psychorrhax! infinitely dividing bruxes fueled by infinitely renewable energy! how long do you think it would take for these locust eggs of human vanity to expend the last of the earth’s waning greenery?

[psychorrhax –

cheerfully posed beside a frosted hibiscus]

- would they be self-generating, cpt. schreibermachen? perhaps in cpt. haruspex’s fantasy they would have some internal fuel-source?

[schreibermachen –

überschwemmt in Träumen vom Vaterland]

- they would not breathe our air but simply occupy it until – piled high as mountain peaks frost-capped in their couplings – teeth of rime did lovebite the stratosphere!

your eyes would whoosh through white noise.

[haruspex –

basking in the glow of successful infiltration]

- yes, mates. we who have eaten of the trees shall drink too of the sap. we shall create … the fuck pile.

he took out a tube of lipstick -- and he ate it. he spit it up and smeared it around his face. he was tiger-stripped with his own spittle -- some venomous madonna. 

- are you getting this, psychorrhax?

title cards shone behind his eyes. the marquee applauded with delphic seizure. 

- every word, cpt. schreibermachen.

( -- where would i be? without my favorite POVV!)

(o) `&--&` (o)

some nights, fueled by pints of his keg-sized heart, he would venerate his ancestors with lamentations of his lot in life.

- in the old days, before men worked together, men slept together, men danced together every moment of every day -- y'know what they'd do? they'd go home and they'd be with their girl. yes, mates. it was a known common practice. not everyone you see -- not everyone who likes girls is a delicate softboy with damage -- alright? i am, but -- y'know. not everyone is. people used to like hangin out with girls. it wasn't jus a brutal task ya had to enact to carry out your reproductive duty before the state. a wife used to be someone ya loved, ya tickled, ya frisked, ya fucked over the countertop and smooched -- gave her a smack on the rump, let her give ya a smack on the cheek. ya used to be able to chase her into the livin room and jump on her or maybe she'd jump on you and you'd land right in her rack and you'd try to yell out help, help, i'm drownin but once you open yer mouth it's like the nipple rolls in and now you're sucklin her and she's so warm and fertile and bountiful, that of course she starts to leak a little in yer mouth, and then you're lookin up into her eyes and feelin loved clamped onto her big, beautiful milker and it's jus fuck, mates. i could die roight there without a regret in the world. suckin her down. growin strong bones. warm all down my throat and in my guts -- as the good book says -- without milk there'd be no inland empire. then ya know – then my pants are off and i'm shaftin her while i'm sucklin her and i'm just goin fuckin stupid fast like quick little rabbit thrusts and now her head's rollin back and i'm fondin her big beautiful titties while i'm sucklin her -- god i can smell her hair as i can smell her sweetly sweaty breasts and she's startin to glisten and i fuck her and fuck her and fuck her and i fucker and once she's just a pile of big beautiful goo on me washin away the forests of my bush with noah's flood, i gush right up her warm cunt and dribble back on meself like a melltin polar cap and she collapses onto me depleted and satisfied and i fall asleep almost suffocatin in her big beautiful bosoms -- gosh, mates.

(buy your own)

it was not a matter you could overlook lightly.

(by your own sons)

in your way, you were each your father's sons.

[father striding forward – decoration jangling as rings of keys –

his titanic ass pert above his waist-high boots as he –

snapped into place, anchoring your eyes to the horizon]

- big guy. scribbles. rocko. you are my most brutal, my most cunning and my most lascivious men.

... get in the car. we’re goin to a titty bar.

[cpt. schreibermachen rose head from knee – 

to extoll the empty place the sun'd be]

- praise pol solaris, psychorrhax! father has invited us to a den of ill-repute – to meet careerists of some small spectacle!

[snarl of a dog on sugarcane]

- no you leave that one! i don’t like him! he shortbusers like a mango and mangos like a shortbuser, and besides -- he is a clown.

[the ironist spirit of an engineer]

- i would defend your honor against this sleight of pox psychorrhax – though first i would need to deduce its symptomology, to say nothing of its strain.

the bloodlights hit hard -- the weak flesh dilated and contracted. cpt. schreibermachen stares through a porthole. the veiled room. the dirty glass. rosettes of frosting on perfumed flesh -- pulsating globules of red hart. - major! major! it’s a dream! we’re out meetin girls with dad! - that’s it, that’s it. want you good and sealed in that marie antoinette wedding dress. battered. baked. frosted. want you so frosted and chilled -- so sparklin and pristine, i just gotta take one lick. one single solitary lick to ruin you -- then -- then what? you think anyone’s gonna want you after i get a lick? course they will. everyone wants a lick – everyone wants my germs. people’ll pay me to say my disease can cure germs. you’ll gradruple in value. sell you to a collector. art collector. you’ll be art. lady covered in frosting. frosting and germs. here. i’ll cough on ya. khuh-khuh-khuh. add another million to your tag. we got malaria. that's a jungle disease. we ain't got jungles. we can charge em. they'll pay extra. tell em hey. ... we got the fever. jungle fever. it’s ours. - as a man of worldliness, sir, i beg you answer. what is the purpose of a female body void of conversation skills?

>:-/ =/= + u@u + =\= \-:&lt;

you went home some nights. you didn't know where home was. 

you stood in vacant places where there was no city and where the grasses blew in breeze over the fertile soil. you could see the moonbeam beyond the radio waves crystallized into minute fractals -- ebbing away their jagged edges,  those smokescreens which stained the clouds.

for those nights, which were your darkest nights, from them you flecked the embers by which you could not see – and caught the first flame on a wick you had yet to set in wax -- and by that light, you singed your fingers as you passed the flame from wick to wick -- to keep them burning, the wax always spooling – the ebb of stationary currents cresting into a horn up the ascending string, spiraling to the ore of gold.

for from that night, you could see many nights – and if you navigated back into dark corners, or as now, stood alone where the black earth shone, eyeing some alley far across the valley – some narrow splinter into which you could lose yourself -- you could go anywhere and have heat enough to warm your hands and light enough to meet stranger faces. 

for father – who came from the world of light and smoke – did not come with martial values.

nevertheless he remained, in his way, a deeply holy man.

[hound jowled in the sobriety of day]

- hey, hey, big guy. so what if rocko shows up drunk and late -- at noon. noon cause he was out all mornin fuckin girls. the girls i paid for. he likes girls. he's a poonhound. bloodpoon hound. like his old man. you? i dunno. you got no sense a smell. you think you got taste. what is it you think you're tastin, huh? it's not a not a nice juicy puss ... hmmm. what is it? is it a man? you a maneater, big guy? make me sick sometimes. how nasty you can be. gosh. she tastes like catbrains and gunpowder -- gonna fill her up with caviar. make her drink her piss -- champagne piss. funnel the champagne straight into her bladder through some sorta surgical can gas for women of taste -- adventurous taste. let the caviar come flowin -- cloggin up her puss. all the eggs, you know -- overflowin like a toilet. set you straight one a these days, big guy, huh? get your hands on some part of a woman other'n her neck sometime --

( .  ) 

- the woman that father gifted us. mates, she's a treasure! women were put on this earth to make us happy, and we were put on this earth to make women happy! oh, mates, it's true your gallant mottos all! love is found in surrender to service!

his eschatological fixations, despite his evident enthusiasm, never ceased to be bizarre. you knew what you knew well -- to return to the chamber of birth meant suffocation in the comforts of slime and closed-quarters, of which most able servicemen were well above. 

[cpt. schreibermachen – well-accredited in poetic license] 

- allow me to be frank with you, haruspex.

- are you asking permission now?

- it is not that your weak and feeble mind is so easily ensnared by the tawdry pleasures of the fairer sex --

- i love you too, joey.

- but simply the sheer mind-numbing repetition. we can assure you there is not a chance in a thousand years that the people of our nation will ever forget that cpt. bruxer haruspex  (who entered service under her majesty in the san navy of rueland) was so terribly fond of the female of the species that he would not cease to subject his fellow servicemen to spewing torrents of his fetid bacterial effluvia.

[cpt. haruspex – focused only on the points]

- i read the volume of your collected episodicals, joey. you had a character in it i was particularly fond of -- was i reading this right -- “huxer braruspex”?

- why cpt. haruspex, that name sounds nothing at all like yours -- as you can plainly see, the phonemes have been reversed. 

[schreibermachen – nubile blonde barbarian]

- precisely, psychorrhax. perhaps cpt. haruspex longs for a fame to which he feels he is entitled, but has not rightly earned. 

(- bro, i’ve seen better coverage from a shower cling, bro.)

- it’s almost more embarrassing to not be addressed by name, y’know -- in the way that bein seen in your budgies is worse than bein caught hog out -- i mean, at least then you got that primal brain snake and spit response -- you just lunge at em with that thing, but once it’s covered up it’s like… tee-hee. lookit lil brux. lookit his cute lil tush. don’t ya just wanna give him a spank?

[schreibermachen – bored again by the crucifixions]

- he revels in his protestations, psychorrhax -- as though an animal spewing filth into the mud in which it rolls.

- a lion knows well to lounge high upon his rock, cpt. schreibermachen. 

(- damn psychorrhax, whose side you on?) 

- it’s just -- you make me look so stupid, joey. stupid and weird. 

[nevertheless moving to hammer a nail]

- my service as a journalist is to negotiate the offerings i render unto transparency and to virtue, in keeping with the spirit of the health and vivacity of the people and the culture of my country -- but my service as an artist, haruspex, is to both higher and lower truths -- to that which is both cosmic and chromosomal. these truths are sometimes obscure -- dare i say, even oblique or at odds with the demands of quotidian reality – nevertheless, they are our masters -- they are the realms of the submerged which is the torch we bare through the drudgery of the prosaic. you, haruspex, are both a man of blood and heat – as well as an archetypal dramatization of a station recurrent and observable through the collective works of human imagination – we become one another in the enigma of our daily lives. we are more than fellow warriors, more than mere varsity jackets, black and shimmering in a coalmine of gunfire -- we are truly brothers, my sweet and balmy brux. you have let me know you, and nothing i could do could ever repay the gift of your company -- though i hope i could have lent to you, with mine, but a fraction of the treasure that yours has been to me. i have rendered you in your truthfulness, in an act of love, and upheld your privacy in an act of courtesy. that you would think so little of this portrait i have gifted you, the world -- why, it speaks to your own low estimation of yourself, my brother. it doesn’t wound me. by you, i wound only myself. i will stand by you -- no matter how you spurn me, my lord and love, cpt. bruxer haruspex -- for you are a bloom from a rank mire, as though a note of lemongrass through my armpit -- and i hope someday -- someday you’ll find the strength to love me with even a fraction of the strength with which i love you, cpt. bruxer haruspex -- my bog brother.

... gilded peat. cotton wheat.

=( + )=

a light moved between them.

psychorrhax looked to brux. he gouged a fissure in his teeth.

the solarium was only mote and void.

- uh-uh. that’s all a lot of pretty talk, joey -- but i think you’re a douchebag. in the classical meaning of the word.

the early to concurrent-radial-modern meaning of the word douchebag is - and has been for the past three 300^3 years (o/. 3)  - great leader, or "man of valor".

he leaned against your desk -- setting down another tea.

- i think tomorrow morning, major – instead of comin into his office to bother him for an hour -- what i’ll do instead is go into his private quarters and be sad for two or three.

the chamber loomed – for there was no name or wheel. what silence settled here, remained so – for what secrets passed between joey and laika – were for them alone to share.

–\\./–

a crinkle -- across the plume of a violet field!

- he has ruffled our bed linens, psychorrhax!

[eyes half-entrained on the incense]

- the air is befouled with barley and fish.

[schreibermachen sammelt unter seiner Handfläche einen Sturm]

- over them i shall sway my hand, and from them i shall conjure grain and flesh enough to feed the shrubbery of withered legions!

[dilating in receptivity to vision]

- befoul the soil with beer and mercury.

[the squeal of his collar – as joey seized him by his leather]

- into the circle. the boy-matter of your hymen shall be the prima materia -- the ravishing of your spirit the act of first order. 

laika psychorrhax – kept himself prepped for command.

- rip my insides into a wormhole.

88*88

the balls of his fists hammered the chest. gesticulations of plunging knife edges into eager hearts. the muted gong of his flesh rang as psychorrhax pressed himself deeper into the skewer that was his need – the fat constriction of his cockhead parting to the lips of a figure-vise deepening itself down its own throat in profile, engorging in bliss ;-- and schreibermachen's power flooded to his dells, coursing through him in a torrent of linear type daybreaking upon the shore of night.

88=*=88

the demon howled out psychorrhax as he was cunted. his throat was one with his puckering hole, two in one :-- the yowling of his wicked heart.

he reared his head – tasting in the chafe of his larynx the shred of his own iron -- capsizing into force as though some suture would split and he could be free of this baggage of himself -- free of all which was pitiable and yearned to be extinguished, for it knew itself to be chaff and nothing but, only dead things never to be; he saw the stars falling to his brother's teeth and was still again -- all moments now one in this moment with him -- no longer yearning for obliteration but found again in its embrace.

**88=/=88**

fat-headed. moon-faced. there was only joey. his brother, who was the light of the light above entering through him, a sword of light entering into the plinth of his parted brain : -- cleaving him. crushing him. pouring from his wound into the hollow of himself, a juice into a grail, spinning faster, hacking the lobes of his medial layers apart as machetes make jungle paths, he sputters, jock-head, nostril, eyes, and lips -- any orifice open and willing, his every hacking and chocking pore, singing a gargling mass through the deluge of themselves, his face was everywhere at once, the One and Joey, for he was divided and carried by the waters, and all was one, the sky and earth, as all was one, He and You, Together in This Treachery, One and Alone, The Only Thing There is.

( )

cpt. haruspex unlocked the bakelite lattice – to look upon the new wastes.

- my lilies! those bastards. they have stricken them with a fuck-curse!

(-left your stash out, bro brux!

… sorry bout bein a loser and all!)

/|\ XX \|/

laika psychorrhax – let his eyes linger on schreibermachen.

through the light, the pale straw of his hair rested ashen in tower walls – the sadness of his muted complexion. from some angles the panes of his face wrung so hard to the garnished fists of armrests – so much more the strapping buck than the calf he seemed only because the soft of his eyes deceived you so with how they focused the soft of his bones.

trailing him, his followers stocky of shape, hard of will and economic of spirit – lined with caps and jackets of herbivorous mammals preserved in polysaccharide layers in times when the hunt had been a crime of passion – for all violence, it was known, could be induced only by stress, and never once by an unspoken breach in the methodology.

their legs parted wide on their strides – buttocks hard as granite – biceps tubed and pinched as they knelt to their elect – for their collars came down across the ridge of their bones onto rolling hillsides sparse of hearty shrubbery – for though they were veils begging to be parterd, calves beckoning to be cleaved, already the iron had nicked bare the land. 

/. / . / . / . / . /.  |*^ () --|+

//

( * )

joey looked to laika. laika looked to brux.

brux was beheld by them.

by some new conviction, he yearned to be known again.

( o ) * .V. ~ (( 0 ))

. o . U .i. U . o .

the battles they waged in semantics would -- over the course of days -- quagmire into ruts of foul and languid fury.

- what have you to say, psychorrhax, to cpt. haruspex’s sterling defense of that deed which animals do best?

- some men produce culture. some men restock the labor reserve, cpt. schreibermachen.

- laborers are more valuable to the state than culture, joey.

- with more culture, there would be fewer need for laborers.

- that is a catastrophically stupid sentiment, and you could only think it cause your head is so far up your own ass i bet you are right now auto-sodomizing a tear in you own rutted-out colon with the silver spoon tea-twink and tiddly-winkin the uvula uppadown yer stupid blonde throat!

...

?!

...

- your bawdy nonsense is indicative of your innate bardery and as such is by far your most pleasant quality, haruspex.

- thank you, joey. 

… i know the only possible reason you would have said that is because you meant it.

sometimes cpt. schreibermachen would flirt first.

- i'll make a deal with you, haruspex.

- i always do my best to deal with you, joey.

- i've been meaning to seed a plant at the gazette for reasons of intrigues both personal and global -- the sultry redhead you've been glancing over, i happen to know is a subordinate to a pair of shoulder pads with a reputed greater pair of tits well-cupped within their weller-enveloped double-breasts; if only a thorn on a more rugged stem. if you can best this challenge i am about to impart on you, i will lead you in symphonious conquest. you will have her as i have her compatriot, and you will make her squeal as, beside you, i devote with all my heart, to her rosy sister, the tender and attentive brutality for which all women long -- imagine -- eye to eye and inside her! the music with which i shall see she fills the night!

military men, it was understood, were not to be seen outside of functions with women who were not their mothers. this, of course, made military men eminently desirable among women who were not their mothers. 

- a rare treasure, well worth fightin for.

poising himself for the tribulation to come, he gulped two shots between his fingers with a well-rehearsed pose -- succeeding only in spilling half.

- right, mate. slap it down.

cpt. schreibermachen laid his scroll flat across the desk. the hexagonal panes shone gossamer in the ceremonial brass gaslights of the press room. with a tap of his inkstick, he rearranged the molecular structure into a grid and between them blackened the chromatophores. 

he drew a point somewhere where the glare was too bright to see and another where the grid solidified from out of the weight of its shadow.

- connect these coordinates maximally in five strokes.

(- gooner bro!)

cpt. brux made four strokes in alternating horizontal and vertical dashes.

a brief pause. his inkstink rose in retreat to his lips. tapping thrice upon the scroll. his eyes, exhausted by the flurry of rapid movements, lunged forth and dug his instrument into a trawl for dimensions unknown.

- can't be done, mate. most efficient path requires 7 strokes -- 6 if ya know how to cheat. it's a trick question. what's the real challenge?

joey made five slashes through the grid and connected the coordinates. 

he did not this not through five direct points, but through a series of sweeping arcs, quickening rapidly in intensity and focus, connecting many disparate points, but nonetheless only stopping, the pen seeming to grind into the pole and create a spike or point of intention as it marred the surface -- in V ditches -- twisting to more rapidly direct itself across the necksmost rotation back to whatever point was next intended.

brux's eyes rotated.

the flap of his lip spat a coin flat from the hinge of his metal plate. a flurry of dial tones roared through the ear canal spacious behind his eyes.

- joey, no you can't do that. on the switchboard, we can only move along the axes. that is an illegal move. you are a cheater. you are a southpaw switch hitter. for recreation, you perform brain surgery on the homeless in your alley theater. you are a herpe canker on the pretty lip of our otherwise proud nation. i hope you die promptly by fire.

_o/|>

- this isn't the switchboard, haruspex. this was a challenge by your friend and brother, with a plainly stated prize and unplainly stated motive. we ambulatory creatures do not arrive promptly by laying our strokes along neat paths laid out -- we do so by, with our strokes, laying out our own.

joey rearranged the grid into hexagons. the ink of his strokes arranged into a perfect circle, emitting an unbroken line from each cardinal point.

far below ...

/

\

brux's became a misshapen block of a thing in the shape of an L.

|_ o

( - nut me so hard, broey!)

- please excuse me, brother brux. my date at the gazette and i have arranged to go fox hunting this evening.

joey gave him a slap on the back.

left to the whims of a flashing light no one else could see.

- that was well played of him, major. there's no gettin around that

… what joey don't know is that brux's got a few charms of his own.  

[REMEMBER THE BRUX SCENE HERE -- BRUX'S GONNA REMEMBER THE SCENE

OH NO -- OH NO -- BRUX GOT JOEY REAL GOOD IN THIS SCENE

WHY CAN'T BRUX REMEMBER THE SCENE?]

in the projection room, laika opened the ashcan. a jet of butane flowed, and from it came the caustic stench of burning time.

- joey, i bet if we sat down in noble contest to watch a scene of vigorous, wholesome, absolutely luciferian courtly mammalian fuckmaking between a consenting woman and a man who may or may not have an opinion on the matter -- that i can outlast my temptations in the face of the luscious heaving milky breasts bobbing up and down in proud deviance of gravity, beckoning me to stomp and slurp as though lounging dependent by the homey feet of brawny peasant girls at the winery. 

- your script doctor is a plastic surgeon.

they leaned in. the leather of their longue creaked with the leather of their uniforms. perched, their sweat beaded. legs spread, knee bent over knee, calf around calf, where they had been corded by the serpent the stiffness creaked the leather of their breaches as the imprints of two batons rose from the tarry sea of their conjoined lap, growing ever more salty with the brine of what what plunged in the eternally-descending thunderhead.

the screen shone in the solitary viewer. harvestmen took the maids by their breeding hips. they rocked slowly, as wind would before a storm. a brawny beast of a man -- of hearty afro-laurentian stock -- was taking a plantation heart in some old manor spun with webs of spectral cotton -- the spiders heaving in the weight of their masses -- ovulating in their widowed masses -- across the world, their knobby fingers crawled through dross to reclaim their seeds. 

joey watched the beauty. brux watched the bitch.

brux flung his wrist so fast it might snap in half.

joey was a cyclone in his unfaltering stillness.

brux grew glossy beneath the beads that were his waters.

joey shone, and glistened, for his oil was the petrol of the sun.

brux -- reaching the edge from which he could only plummet down -- saw himself flushed, rushing air into his overblown lungs -- arrested his hand across the head of his shaft -- and there tried to contain the fissure.

joey -- his victory assured -- could not help but lean over and, smiling with the warmth and the benevolence of a scholar, somehow all the more sweet for how he was so crude, so vicious for how he was otherwise so placid -- with a flick of his nail, tap brux across a vein.

he had gone so tense -- screaming. throat. glistening rings of flesh. rising waters cloudy with potentials congealed. songs of blood and snow.

\

caskets hovered in the grid of the tiles. he gushed across the floor. heaving a stampede of antelope over cliffsides, yowling as a wild cat. trees sprouted from the formless pools he gushed across the floor.

now, brux -- less in agony, more in furor -- kept to his scream.

- you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you joey gonna nut you bitch you fuckin fuck die in a fire fuckface you fuckin fuck

he attacked joey's knob / pressing to the root with his tongue, he had such haste for lube, and pressing down farther -- again and again -- as he was drenched, his eyes shot up. lingering in joey's eyeline. tears mixed with spittle and nut, his face so flushed, eyes so voidly pleading, stroking him with unquenchable bloodlust. joey leaned back, spread his legs, and let the breadth of himself palm his neck in triumph.

- bring me to a raging broil with your fury, haruspex! what is dense will agitate only with the meter of the epics. the dim flame you light in me would not overtake the rim were you to leave it roaring overnight!

he had visual proof of this indisputable fact.

( )

- ladies and gentlemen of the press -- my most decorated enforcer. scribbles.

[visibly joey]

- yo

- i will now eat. the entire wedding cake woman. live on air.

[blood-curdling shriek of a turkey carver]

- it’s all corn-syrup, mates. fake as hell. 90% of her constitutable body-mass's oatmeal and assorted other bread-fillings shaved off in the process. that’s how they did it back when audiences gave a shit. 

the filth they’ll allow on television these days.

- is this going to make it to air, psychorrhax?

- only during the sol's day service, cpt. schreibermachen.

psychorrhax, in address, channeled the auspices of law and gutter alike.

- the guillotine was clean. effective. humane. above all -- it was stylish. this used to be considered academic consensus. sometimes. you get a generation that knows how to make a statement. sometimes. you get a generation that wants to uproot all which was there before to install creameries of any shape as long as they’re bulbous and monochrome. 

[spatio-temporal auto-gentrification]

- is the letterboxing on right?

- reeks of dairy and shame here, brux. 

- was that wasp nest a malky flesh waxin the glass like a milky denim gypsy spongey with spooge there yesterday, laik?

- grand opening was twenty minutes to midnight, brux. 

- it sickens me with its sterile greases stained deep into the pores of its surfaces. as though its own gloss comes to presuppose its pallor!

- your contempt for the common failings conspires to make better men, cpt. schreibermachen.

- two halves to a share, two bullets to a third.

- to reproduction grunge coast city night we shall go! 

the slides clicked and shot. they did all their number crunching in the east amphitheater beneath the projection room.

- the state snuff film budget could stand to lose a few zeros.

- there are plenty of things we could film that aren’t snuff.

- like pornography! let’s film state pornography!

- the lion and the bear have conspired with the hoppy mammal!

- fruitful shall be our labors.

- and comely shall be our bounties.

they spread him out on the mattress.

- yo broey, so like... what's my motivation here, bro.

(trust embedded in the sand)

- you are a walking dildo, drythen -- you can think only of fucking -- and for that pore on the bottom of you for suction -- for that also being used for fucking. improbably turning you into a full-on dock-in-dock dick sheathe whenever you're in another dude.

- ah, okay -- so play it real naturalistic like? 

(new lands)

- guys, guys i'm real drunk! if i say no at any point -- what i really mean is yes. brux is a slut. brux needs to be pinned to the wall by his budgies and smacked around. brux knows he’s a good lil butt-boy. brux knows he deserves to do as he's told and wear tiny pants. brux knows he dances like a tramp. brux wants his man-cunt ripped in half like a watermelon and flung across the room. brux wants to be flung all over the room right now. fuckin read the room, mates! give brux what he fuckin wants. brux knows what he fuckin wants -- get off yer stupid asses and quit lyin to yerselves! it's fun bein a slut. ya wanna be a slut! ya know ya want the big man to come and take ya -- let him have ya! let him have ya all night if he wants ya -- you're a slut, brux! that's all you'll ever be -- a slut brux!

the best thing about being in the booth with brux -- was hearing how he could modulate his voice well-enough in response to any airing -- and seeing how an equivalent level of control failed utterly to restrain the anguished contortions of his features :-- running through so many probability scenarios so fast, his parting jaws might snap in half.  

- it'll be a beautiful endin, mates. the three of you -- fast friends at last. 

his eyebrows were a pair of goddamn acrobats. eyes and teeth broad enamel, looks like taxidermy. just once -- you wanted to see em touch, like two caterpillars clinging to the same leaf :--< get em to encoil and snap. grind the whole perceptible forest tapestry into a sandtrap.

- well bout time we transitioned into closin remarks, eh mates?

whether it was a night at the cave -- or an address to the new recruits. it came back, always, to the same handful of points. 

- what i'm tryin to say here mates is, if you're gonna take a wife, don't settle for one you can tolerate. when it comes to the institution of marriage, take its flourishing over nine hundred years ago as an example. in the colonial states from which we trace our heritage, in an era of peace and plenty, the institution was revised into its most perfect form as the transcendental union between two individuals. for a brief, beautiful time, the symbolic value of the practice had eclipsed its function as a means to merge wealth and blood. a marriage could be a rebellion -- a statement -- a garish affair to tarnish the name. a marriage ought be fun. a marriage ought be dangerous. it shouldn’t be all joyless couplings in secret enclaves. as it takes a village to raise, it oughta take a village to witness. gentleman, i don’t advocate unregulated fornication with the fairer sex -- i advise it publicly! in the sight of respectable ladies and gentlemen of all chromosomal makes and models available for purchase!

psychorrhax stood forward, though did not give the impression of doing so. a spotlight strode forward in coordination with his stepping out from behind a curtain, though now there was no stage.

- he longs for an era of repression under want for liberation, cpt. schreibermachen. 

- haruspex, the mid-century period which dominates our collective picturesque imaginings of the colonial states was a historic offense to imagination. in the plastic palaces where the cold warriors gridded themselves in commodities, they boiled their brains in radio waves, and turned their bunkers into pressure cookers for hereditary neuroses.

- joey, i have had, on some occasions, cause to peruse your auto-erotographs. you have no right to judge me. there is no rite you’ve left unwronged. you delight in envious spectacle, and are a cretin begotten in filth and for that i salute you, sir. however, you have no right to judge me, for you are ripe, numerous and plentiful in your perversions, and uh… wow, mate. i thought this would be like a killer put-down, but the more i spell it out the more i realize i’m just kind of a dweeb who feels bullied by your ability to speak in a matter which is both beautiful and fearful.

- truthfully, haruspex, you excite too much adoration of an able variant to excite much which is worthy of contempt. 

- do you mean it, joey?

- no, i simply delight in taunting and teasing you, as a mother delights in taunting and teasing at the buttocks of her babe.

- you care about me, joey. you’re my friend.

- you insinuate so sinuously. 

- joey caaares about me.

- you are an upheaval of wormy mounds beneath my skin!

- you wanna give me huggles, joey.

- begone, leech of man -- i am barren as stone!

- you’re so warm, joey. you’re glassy as a gutlamp.

- you wound me, haruspex. i do so much to treat you cordially, yet still you find me so contemptuous.

- shhh. got it to your kidneys, mate. i prod you, you prod me. i’m drunk enough, mate. you can take me on stage.

- fetch the rope, psychorrhax.