#shilah: screams

[withbeasts]

6, shilah

basorexia; a kiss during a fight.

it's not hard for him to hear it; the way that her heart beats louder in her chest when they're like this, the hitch of breath when he takes a step closer. ( sometimes, he wonders, if there is a part of her that is scared of him; if that human instinct will always know that there is a distinct difference in what they are, despite appearances, and despite what she said. ) and there were other reasons, too -- a man was a man at the end of the day, and life had taught lessons to the woman before him.

there are moments like these where he has to decide if he wants to push, to keep the fight like this; the thrill of them screaming at one another, of keeping this tension, a sort of vulnerability he opened when they were most honest. here, and the nights when they whispered across pillowcases, just the moon as a light. wasn't it fair of him to feel like this -- that jealousy should burn so bright in his chest that it might just set him on fire?

but he doesn't let it go on. the steps to her are quick; a kiss to her cheek, too close to her lips, and he's telling her that he'll be back when he's had time to calm down. ( to extinguish -- before he managed to set them both ablaze, and ruin everything altogether. )

[withbeastsarc]

TEXTS;  accepting.  @ruinaa​ asked for [  mad  ]  for roman.  

          it takes a lot for him to be angry,  especially with her.  he knows that she would rather they scream and fight it outwardly than sit around in silence,  or have him run from it,  but he leaves and she goes to because she can go to shilah’s for her escape.  when they are upset at one another like this,  there is no one that he can turn to.  

          he sits on the edge of a bar stool and feels himself get more and more upset,  until he had his phone out,  feeling just as out of place in this dive as he did when they first met.  

[  text;  josephine  ]:  i’m really upset.

[dirtypawar-blog]

@xenoevil // sc. 

           “  tell me the truth,  di.  “  he places his hands on her shoulders.  “  i can handle it.  “

[vigilantesyd]

me, talking about a fly: listen i don’t mind that he’s out here living but can he do it away from me????

shilah: ....@ men

[dirtypawarc]

two things that shilah is afraid of: ghosts and cars driving too fast with him in it

[dirtypaw]

@brutlist​ liked x. 

          he does not doubt that heugh is fully aware of what he might be.  the web that the other man dug his hand into,  assumedly,  stretched too far outwards for his identity to be completely secret.  shilah had waited for some kind of question,  a knowing look or glance,  but it had never come.  and so they had cordially treated one another as a friend of a friend,  sharing an occasional glass of wine. 

           but shilah does not hesitate to feel bone crush under his palms for him,  silencing the agonized scream in a quick motion.  he is able to see the other man do much the same,  moving with efficiency.   “  --  so you’re very strong.  “

[wthwolvesar]

“You asleep?” / shilah

SOFT STARTERS. accepting, ( @ruinaa ). 

          they argue  –  it’s a lot,  to be in this house together sometimes,  when all she wants to do is leave.  once a week,  there’s a build up of emotion that ends with them either arguing,  not speaking,  or screaming at each other.  it could be all of the above. 

         this time,  he doesn’t know how it starts.  maybe he makes a comment,  maybe she does,  but whatever the reason their voices are raised and they throw things that they don’t mean.  their tempers both burn hot,  and they can both be cruel where they never want to.  but she turns her back and slams the door to her bedroom on him and he does the same. 

         hours later  –  he hasn’t even bothered to look at the clock  –  he finally calms down from it all.  he thinks about getting up,  going to her room,  like he knew he would do eventually,  but tonight she beats him to it. 

          “  no.  “  he opens the door a crack,  and looks at her through it in the light of the hall.  she looks like she’s been crying.  he sighs,  feeling his heart hurt a little bit.  “  –  come here.  “  

[godivasims]

Forgotten Hollow; 2:46am; three days until Bel’s birthday

Chrys: Where the fuck have you been all night, Shilah? Shilah: What the hell, Chrysanthemum? I’ve been at work! You know that! Chrys: Never in your entire career as an officer have you ever come wandering in at two in the morning!  Shilah: Calm down! Don’t push me, please! I went out with some of the rookies for some drinks! Why are you acting like this?

Things between Chrysanthemum and Shilah had, needless to say, not gotten any better. As Chrysanthemum seemed to get more and more fed up, Shilah continued to work later and later at the station. By the time Shilah made it home in the evenings, the triplets were always in bed. Chrysanthemum spent most of her day wrestling Nona, who constantly screamed for her daddy.

[fiendfyreheart]

@disintegratiive

            after their hall meeting,  he doesn’t see much of her again.  coming in,  sometimes walking past the gym,  that was all.  but when shilah learns that she’s in the same building,  he’s too pleased.  his only comment is a wow,  how coincidental,  and roman knows that the gears in his head are turning.  and when he comes home one night to see a dog happily wagging its tail while none other then josephine pets him,  roman almost screams.  

            “  don’t.  “  he tells josephine,  pushing the dog with his foot.  “  he’s just skulking around.  he doesn’t need the attention.  “ 

[stillkillinmehollis]

4, 8, 31 :) there were prob a couple more numbers but I forgot haha

this question list doesn’t even have a title [x]

4) what are you looking forward to?

i leave to see @obsessedtiffles​ in … 17 days, 16 hours, 17 minutes.I’m also going home at the end of October to see my cousins and we’ll get to continue our tradition of Pure Terror Scream Park. 

8) have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

i’d love to meet the person who has NEVER cried out of annoyance

19) have you ever been to New York?

……………………………….

31) 3 random facts

- I learned from my roommate @melimeli​ -who learned from twitter- that astronauts don’t snore in space [x]- i have two mosquito bites on my knee and i’m SO ITCHY- idk just look at the twitter i linked in the first fact and you’ll see a whole bunch

53) 5 things that make me happy

- Shilah, (my dog) / dogs in general- @obsessedtiffles​- my sister / my friends / my family- Christmas- the Yankees / baseball 

[withbeasts]

it could be the drinks. it could just be the heaviness of it all, pushing him down so far that there was nothing left to pull him back up. he would not drag her and shilah down with him in this as collateral damage -- being a part of their life was already damage enough, because they were standing here now, having this conversation. if not for him, they could have had something happier together, without his life being their impending worry in the background.

" it's been happening. it's happened. " he wants to cry. to scream. to go to her as he always does, but his hands curl into fists, and he takes a deep breath inwards. " they will stop anything from being done. "

he is frustrated, too. of forcing himself to be a person that he no longer wishes to be ( and never really wished to be, if he thought hard enough, if he could go back years ago to remember the way things had been explained to him as a child, how he would be a hero. how he was meant to help, to save. all his skills were meant to eliminate in the name of the greater good. )

" because you're putting a -- a target on your back. " he had already done what he could to elimate josephine and shilah from shield's database. it was the one and only time he had ever used phil in that way. " if -- if it's you -- " he holds a hand to his face again, fingers threading at his hair. " i know better than anyone the things they'll do. "

[withbeastsarc]

TAKE MY HAND;  accepting.  @ruinaa​ sent  [ save ] for shilah. 

          that day,  he had meant what he said.  he was tired of dying.  

          and yet he still fought with the same reckless abandon that he always did;  little care and concern for himself,  throwing his body this way and that,  all brute strength with claw and teeth.  he was fast,  and he was deadly,  even more so shifted.  it did not mean that he was fully invincible.  his blood was still thick and red,  dripping at his side,  his wounds still working to catch up with his chaotic methods.  

          if he let it wash over him like this,  too much sometimes,  caught up in his own anger  --  after all,  he could smell her blood,  hear her voice,  feel the pressure of the air as things took the turn  --  he could forget himself.  it did not matter,  suddenly,  whether or not he lived or he died in this building with these men.  it mattered that he took care of each and every one of them,  that she was left the last one standing,  the one who remained.  

          but he has pushed himself too far.  his body lags;  forced to shift back,  holding the wall,  bare skinned and bloody.  his brief hesitation is enough for a shot to ring out  --  one close to his ear enough to dizzy him,  and then the sudden feeling of being pulled while the wall behind him shatters again.  he can hear her voice,  muffled in his head,  screaming at him.  his body is working overdrive now to make up for everything happening,  caught in the middle of beast and man.  

          she tugs his hand,  harder.  it is the last thing he knows before everything goes black.  

[illwriteatragedyar]

❛ Thanks for finding me. ❜

SHADOW AND BONE. accepting. ( @ruinaa )

          she says it many months later.  almost a year at that point;  and the road,  as long as it had been,  still wasn’t over yet.  there were still times at night where she woke up screaming,  there were more times that her stomach couldn’t handle a lot of food.  but she filled out more,  her scars started to fade,  and the nightmares weren’t as much.  she didn’t jump at the sound of the locks turning on the door,  she didn’t have him check the apartment late at night to make sure everything was secure.  

           shilah still comes over when he’s gone,  but she didn’t hold onto him quite as tight when he left.  her voice didn’t shake so much.  progress was progress,  no matter how small the steps were.  now they were here,  and she could smile without looking over her shoulder like someone was going to take it away.  he was so grateful.  forever grateful that she was home and safe with him. 

          “  --  it wasn’t just me.  “  he says,  pressing his forehead to hers.  “  but i’ll always find you.  even if i need help doing it.  “

[vigilantesyd]

i only told her that taylor was putting her music back on spotify and nothing else she came to this conclusion all on her own without using the internet she truly has spent too much time being my friend

[ruinaa-a-blog]

i don’t give a shit about sleeping.

LEON: THE PROFESSIONAL.

          ( accepting -- mutuals / @dirtypaw )

          arguing isn’t going to get them anywhere. it never has and it never will and while she’s normally so good at keeping her temper reigned in when it comes to shilah, this time, she can’t. maybe it’s her own exhaustion creeping in, maybe it’s the circumstances, maybe it’s the entire mess. she drags a hand through her hair, already wild, and shakes her head. 

          “fine.” sometimes, shilah frustrates her endlessly, makes her want to scream. now is one of those moments and she knows she will regret whatever is building in her chest the moment it slips free, so she grits her teeth, turns away from him. “then that’s –– just –– do whatever you want, then.”

[dirtypawarchive]

jo holding his hand

Hold Shilah’s Hand!

          it’s his idea;  roman gives him a Look that makes him think he should have reconsidered.  but what was the point of their costume if they only went to one party?  they  (  he and josephine  )  had put a lot of work into making everything as movie realistic as possible.  managing her hair into buns was the last thing  (  there were a little bit of hairs sticking out,  but it was the best that could be done.  it wasn’t like he completely matched luke,  either.  )

          they go to a halloween festival on the pier.  to the haunted house,  where he receives said Look.  roman takes a phone call and waves them to go in.  josephine makes no expression until they’re in there;  and then his hand is gripped so tight he feels like all the blood is gone from it.  

          “  --  jo,  “  she screams loud in his ear,  making them ring.  he should have taken that look a little more seriously.