#shidding and farding everywhere
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that tywin tyrion & jaime lannister poopoo motif slay
#georges magnum opus#shidding and farding everywhere#the ship groaned and growled beneath him like a constipated fat man straining to shit#shit for honor x20
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I hate stupid hipster socks I’m at the bookstore and they have knee highs that say coffee makes me poop. well great good for you you shid and fard everywhere should we throw a party should we invite grumpy cat
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rorschach’s journal may 11th 2021
shidded. farded. poopied. all over floor.
blasted ass. mess everywhere.
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rules: what does your character keep on their person? bold for always, italic for sometimes. then, tag some mutuals!
tagging: @nerevar-shid-and-fard @orsinium @devilsworddante @ptsilenthill @sheobaby @ anybody else who wants to do this, i’m bad at this lol. [tagged by @akulorkhan. the edit-tag worked buddy!]
Ku-vastei
➳ BAG
backpack | messenger bag | pockets | satchel | wristlet | purse | duffle bag | briefcase | pouch | drawstring bag | fanny pack
➳ WEAPONS
sword | dagger (or shortsword) | axe | mace | warhammer | staff | (conjured) spear | throwing knives | darts | shortbow | longbow | crossbow | arrows | bolts | enchanted weapon | poison
➳ APPAREL
light armor | medium armor | heavy armor | underclothes for armor | enchanted armor | mage’s robes | uniform | casual clothes | formal clothes | cloak | scarf | hat | helmet | gauntlets | bracers | gloves | shoes | boots | hood | mask | belt | coat | jacket | necklace | bracelet | ring | watch | undergarments
➳ HEALTH + MAGIC
health potion | mana potion | stamina potion | attribute potion | alchemy equipment | herbs | chemicals | ingredients | bandages | burn cream | antidote (spell) | moisturizer | medication (sub-potion salves) | scrolls | crystals | enchanting equipment
➳ STEALTH
lockpicks | probes | trap-making tools | trap-disarming tools | disguise kit | forgery equipment
➳ TOOLS
pen | ink | charcoal | parchment | paper | compass | ruler | saw | hammer | nails | shovel | pliers | needle | thread | utility knife | art supplies | fabric scraps | kindling | magnifying glass | fishing rod
➳ PROVISIONS
rations for themselves | rations for others | fork | knife | spoon | serving utensils | pot/pan | water | alcoholic beverage | nonalcoholic beverage | pet food | drug(s) | sweets | coffee | tea
➳ PERSONAL
small amount of money | large amount of money | map | soap | comb | brush | cosmetics | hair ties | hair product | journal | razor | nail clipper | religious paraphernalia | tent | sleeping bag | blanket | pillow | sentimental item | comfort object | musical instrument(s) | toys | eyewear | identification | important document(s) | torch | book(s) | plant
anything bold, (in parantheses), AND italicized is stuff i’ve personally added to this for clarification purposes. feel free to get rid of them if i tag you!
b/c i want to, im going to elaborate on this under the cut:
she has a backpack wrapped in a bandolier of potions, most homemade. the inside of the bag is....kind of a mess. she just throws things in and has to dig around when she needs something. (not fun when she needs the knife or needle. but that’s what restoration magic’s for, right? there’s no tetanus in nirn, right?) she keeps the shovel (more of a trowel really, mostly used for muck-ing about, hehe) fastened to her bag as well. on top she keeps her guar-hide sleeping bag, wrapped in kresh fiber.
on her hip she (currently) has a sparks-enchanted glass dagger she nabbed off the corpse of one of her first morag tong writs. she thinks. she doesn’t exactly remember where she got it, but she probably killed someone for it, and love it very much.
her primary weapon, however, is a conjured daedric spear. it’s very powerful, and she loves it. just a wave of her claws and it’s hers, ready to stab.
she wears minimal medium armor, just enough to conceal under her robes. right now, it’s an orcish cuirass and bonemold pauldrons. she has a scarf now, but only after having to brave the ashen wastes of molag amur for mage’s guild business, and then winding up almsivi-intervention-ing to ald-ruhn, where there was a helpful ash-scarf merchant. she brings it with her everywhere on this stupid island now. she’s got a belt just to secure her robes a bit, and a few magic rings.
one of those is the ring of khajiiti, which she got from doing a quest for mephala that she didn’t know she was doing, who it was for, or why. first guy she talks to in the morag tong base when she finds it says “go poison this guy’s food and don’t ask why.” so she did it without asking why, and when she came back, the morag tong guy said “mephala wants to talk to you now” and then she gave ku a magic ring. really nice magic ring, too.
as i said, her backback’s potion bandolier is chock full of useful little brews. restore health, magicka, fatigue, some cure blight disease, some dispel, levitation, etc. anything she might need that she might not (reliably) be able to cast a spell for. (she knows a levitate spell, but it’s really, really hard. she has one shot for it to work, and if it doesn’t, she’s out of magicka.)
she carries a mortar and pestle for on-the-go alchemy, and a lot of herbs and ingredients. she’s very disorganized, but at least she tries to keep those ingredients separated in pouches so as to avoid accidental reactions. she also keeps some of the marshmerrow + saltrice poultice she learned to make from her naheesh so long ago, for those times she doesn’t want to cast a spell or drink a health potion. if you apply it to a wound and wrap it up, it’ll heal, slowly but reliably.
she wants to get into enchanting, and so carries around a fair amount of petty soul gems, and a few lesser ones, and she knows a basic soul trap spell. but she’s constantly cursing herself because she always forgets to cast it, and ends up just killing the thing. she’s got a loose kwama forager, rat, cliffracer soul here and there, but she decided recently to stop carrying them around, because hist knows when she’ll actually use them for anything. still, she keeps some empty gems on her, just in case.
ku taught herself how to pick locks and disable minor traps long ago, when sneaking around the plantation to get or spread information, or to unlock armories to arm her revolt. now that she’s more magically inclined, she knows an ondusi’s spell, but always tries to pick it first, to try and keep the skill fresh.
she keeps a piece of charcoal to keep up with her journal and update her maps. even in her late 40s, she’s not completely literate, having been first a slave, then a revolutionary, then a prisoner. but she can read well enough to get by, and can even write in cyrodiilic enough to keep as detailed a journal as she can. (unfortunately, despite her ability to read cyrodiilic, it doesn’t do her much good in vvardenfell, since a lot of things seem to be written in daedric.)
she keeps needle and thread to sew up any damage to her robes, and to close particularly egregious wounds to maximize the effectiveness of healing magic done on them. she has a knife for utility purposes, generally gathering/processing ingredients such as plants or hides, as well as anything she doesn’t want to dirty her precious glass dagger for. and she keeps some kindling and corkbulb to start fires to keep her warm during the cold nights.
she always carries food and a slaughterfish-gut water bag whenever she’s on a trip for business. usually she eats salted slaughterfish, mudcrab meat, saltrice porridge, and scuttle. she also never turns down any tasty bugs she comes across. she boils her water (and cooks her porridge) in a small cast iron pot, and has a similarly sized pan for grilling meat. she keeps some sujamma on her, not for recreation, but in case she ever needs a bit of a pick-me-up.
as a child, she spent a lot of time with her khajiit friends, who always seemed to have a way to occasionally get a hold of moon sugar, despite the harsh punishment if a slave was caught with it. as a result, ku developed something of a sweet tooth, and occasionally like to treat herself to some.
she also carries extra food and water, just in case she ever runs into a situation where she needs to escort a slave to safety.
her money never seems to exceed about 3000 drakes, mostly due to having to bribe so many people for information, since she’s not always so good with words. now that she’s got a semi-stable job with the morag tong, though, this might change soon. and if she ever gets around to selling some of the junk she’s got holed away.
she keeps the journal and map she obtained from arille’s tradehouse in seyda neen in a front-pocket of her backpack, and tucks any books she finds interesting in her travels in the bottom of her backpack. currently, she is carrying one regularly: "a pilgrim’s path,” just in case she is close by to one of the shrines, or forgets what offering to leave.
she carries her sadrith mora hospitality papers, as well as her current morag tong writs, in a separate pocket from her journal and map. she’s also been collecting these strange, glowing, singing plants she keeps finding along the water with no discernible alchemical uses. she’s shown them to other alchemists, as well, but none of them knew anything about it. some, however, told her there was an alchemist in caldera who studies these plants. she has yet to visit caldera, though.
around her neck she carries a sentimental comfort item: a fire-proof twig from a hist tree (given to her by her naheesh, it is a small fragment of a branch that fell from a hist tree) bound tightly to a small pearl ku’s mother once found in the soil at the bottom of a marshmerrow paddy. both of these women are now long dead, lost either before or during her revolt. they’re all ku has left of them, and constant reminders of the futility of her actions as a young adult.
#tes#tesblr#teslore#argonian#morrowind#nerevarine#akulorkhan#nerevar-shid-and-fard#orsinium#devilsworddante#ptsilenthill#sheobaby
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My Last Brain Cell Sentence Starters
Yes you can change the pronouns n stuff I'm not stopping you.
[MAINLY NSFW ACCOUNTS DON'T REBLOG UNLESS YOU TAG NSFW]
1. "I'm... pussy?"
2. "Chew water motherfucker."
3. "Why is the sky blue, is it sad?"
4. "Huough my aching bones."
5. "Shut your shit up fucker."
6. "You don'T KNOW ME YOU DON'T KNOW."
7. "I've been listening to the Splatoon soundtrack on loop for the past fucking hour in my head, but ironically enough I've been trying to drown it out with heavy metal and now I'm in pain."
8. "Pussy..."
9. "What if there was a cat named Pussy and we talked about eating pussy in front of it, how fucked up would that be?"
10. "Sleep is for the weak and I'm an uncooked noodle."
11. "What is THAT."
12. "Have you ever had a dream that you do you what you wish you had that you do do that and you do and you wish and you can do anything?"
13. "To make a long story short I put a whole bag of jellybeans up my asshole."
14. "Pigs CAN fly you dingus, you just have to launch them far enough to count."
15. "It's a beautiful day outside."
16. "I'm always ready for a little chaos!"
17. "I'm either a chaotic mess or pure as fuck there's no in between it just doesn't exist."
18. "Mmm... macaroni."
19. "You ABSOLUTE cucko."
20. "It's real valid bitch hours."
21. "If I bit down hard enough do you think I could fracture my own teeth with my own brute strength?"
22. "Cats go honk."
23. "Oogity boogity!"
24. "Hooga chooga."
25. "It is I, the CHEESE STEALER."
26. "I'm crying and farding and shidding."
27. "It smells like garbage, covered in fire."
28. "Hoka choka I'm gonna do the polka."
29. "Did you know that if you put two drops of bromine and one drop of hydrogen chloride in a container and stick caesium in there you can make a gun?"
30. "Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell."
31. "Dude like, did you know that sickle cell carriers are immune to malaria?"
32. "Y'know, sometimes do you ever just dream?"
33. "Every time someone is mean to you just put a penny in a coconut and soon you'll have a weapon to knock the daylights out of them."
34. "You do the hokey pokey and you turn yourself around."
35. "I just lost half of my brain cells."
36. "I'm going to shit myself everywhere."
37. "You know what? Fuck you, I do what I want."
38. "I'd say I love you but that's terrible timing because I stuck a tack in your chair."
39. "I don't wanna die, I want to see the day I get to have a big tiddy girlfriend!"
40. "Shikey shakey it's getting quakey."
41. "hehAH peepee."
42. "That made me nut so hard, as in my peanuts are falling out of my pockets help me please."
43. "I just broke every bone in my body."
44. "Alcoholics are fucking weak, ever gone through caffeine withdrawal you fucking pussy?"
45. "I'm going to eat it and literally no one can stop me."
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Rules-tag ten people you’d like to know better
I was tagged by @sapphicgoddess2728!!
Name - Emily (I HAVE BEEN LYING THIS WHOLE TIME I’M NOT AN ELEANOR)
Gender - female
Height - 5’6”
Nationality - American
Hogwarts house - Gryffindor
Favorite animal - Cats. Sharks. Giraffes? Plants.
Dream job - I’m studying to be a stage actor, and a graphic designer!! So… Yeah, throw me on Broadway, plz. Guthrie is acceptable.
Dream trip- I really want to go on a trip through Western Europe (like Ireland, UK, Germany, Norway, Poland, Denmark, ect)! My family has a lot of different nationalities making it up (eek, can you tell I’m white yet?) so I want to see where my idiot ancestors are from, but I also would love to go to like Easter Island and Italy and Egypt and India (probably somewhere around Dehli) and Brazil and Kenya and… why did you ask me this question? I want to go everywhere!
When did you make this - 4:48 on Nov 6 2018, it is still raining and I still have rehearsal to go to and FUCK I’M NOT MEMORIZED.
10 people:::: @puzzlingsnark, @gonewiththebooty, @insomniarama, @indigorox, @gothzenyatta, @bisexual-brynjolf, @misspoulain, @skyrim-hates-her, @nerevar-shid-and-fard, @ladyofdragonstone
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i was brushing my teeth and i remembered this fucking "i shidded and farded" meme my friend showed me and i started laughing so hard that i drooled toothpaste everywhere so basically what im trying to say is any girl would be lucky to have me
#unsanitary#maybe?? probably#im still fucking laughing and idk why its like the exact humor i dont like but its so fucking funny#birdsong
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Conversation
when on the toilet
me: guess what i'd do
toilet:
me: i shidded and farded and camed everywhere
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