#shewhich stuff

[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

Today’s the day! After about a year of listening in the car for my commutes to the theater, I have made it to MAG 200. Mark me down as excited and scared to finish The Magnus Archives.

I have avoided spoilers for the very end, but it feels like a forgone conclusion ever since the twist with the Web and the Multiverse.

Honestly, I had absorbed enough knowledge about Magnus from memes both on Tumblr and TikTok that I was convinced the series ended with them gouging their eyes out and running away together, on some kind of backpacking retreat. Turns out, that fate is for the cute lesbians. And the running away together happened at the end of season four. So I’ve been very worried for all of season five, if the Internet hadn’t mentioned what happens at the end of Magnus that it was going to be unpleasant and make me cry.

Also, it’s a horror podcast and I know Johnny takes great pleasure in killing off our favorite characters.

So wish me luck,

And so help me god Jonny Sims if Martin ends up having to kill Evil God Jon in some horrible murder suicide I will find a way to send spiders to your home. I know a happy ending is too much to ask, but like, come on.

[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

It’s funny I always just assumed it was for *union reasons* because that’s true for so many people that I know/work with. Hell, that’s why I use my middle name professionally, to the despair of every graphic designer in town (my whole first middle last name together is pretty long, and when I PSM my name gets to be on the coverpage).

But that’s because of SAG or Equity, I have never wondered before now if the DGA or British equivalent… DGGB (?) also has name exclusivity rules. I don’t see why not? If “your name is your brand” is so important for actors, whose faces are fully visible and make it much easier to tell people apart, then why wouldn’t it be important for directors who are behind the screen.

And Equity at least (I can’t speak for SAG) implemented those rules because actors work nationally. You’re unlikely to mix up Alex Newall electrician in Boston MA and Alex Newall electrician in Atlanta GA because they don’t cross paths. No overlap, no confusion. And that works for most industries where you’re at a particular job with a particular company, or working in a particular area in a somewhat stable fashion. But artists are ~special~ and we work wherever people hire us. 

You could be Jonny Sims actor in New York and then actor in Atlanta, and then Boston and Seattle pretty easily within one calendar year. That’s not even considering people who are on a national tour and have worked in 30 to 40 states every year. So it’s much more important to be the only Jonny Sims acting in the country.

Which is also why Equity doesn’t have locals like most unions. Love it or hate it, the assumption is if you are doing this professionally, you are eventually going to end up in and out of New York or LA or Chicago (or Florida, but that’s a different can of worms). SAG has regional markets but thru don’t run the same way as a local.

And the unions take this very seriously. It’s why David Tennant had to make his legal name David Tennant when he started working cross market in the US. He changed it first from his birth name, David MacDonald, when he joined Equity in England because MacDonald was taken. But Tennant was taken here so they were gonna make him change it again. Which is ludicrous considering how famous he already was by this point. But, you can sometimes get an exception, or make an appeal, if it is your full legal name.

Because it’s a whole process, there use to be a fee for Actors’ Equity to change your name. But of course fees like that predominantly affect women who statistically change their name more often than men. And trans people who need to change their name, sometimes more than once. And being trans in the US and doing the and name change saga, is so long and grueling and demoralizing, that the very least we could do as a labor union was not “pay us this money or you keep having to publicly use your dead name” so the very first piece of policy that I proposed (with a couple of friends) as an elected was to abolish the name change fee at Equity.

Anyway. 

If it’s not union reasons, I bet it’s SEO to avoid being confused with American Alex Newell even though they spell their names differently. If you search without the “J” google gives you a “did you mean” pointing to Tony award winner and darling of our hearts Alex Newell. Which I assume would be pretty annoying for Alex Newall, king of podcasts. 

Is the J just there for the ✨️aesthetics✨️

Trust me, if it was for the aesthetics I'd have something cyberpunk in there.

[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

Oh no, I’m back on my Magnus Archives bullshit. So I’m really sorry to whoever follows this blog for the rare meta-drops and writing analysis, because all I’m gonna be reblogging for the next couple weeks is TMA.

But also, the episodes from 2019 talking about the extinction as a new fear trying to be born through a pandemic, and then the end of that season happens and it’s the world ends, and Alex comes on to say “The Magnus Archives season five will return in April 2020” and how did the TMA fandom not genuinely lose their whole minds? How did y’all not scream into the sky? 

The reason I have to come to Tumblr to yell about The Magnus Archives is that currently no one I’m working with has listened to it. For instance:

In the play “Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe” these two prostitutes get into a car with a guy who doesn’t want to have sex with them, but just wants their life stories. He records it, on a tape recorder. And then they monologue very eloquently for like 10 minutes.

So naturally, I was like “you can’t fool me, Jonathan Sims” But no one was around to understand what a good joke that was, my life is so hard. 

[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

A Study in Emerald - Chapter 2

2nd chapter up! A deep look at Martin Blackwood, unsurprisingly his brain is not a great place to be.

AO3 Tags:

Character Study, Canon Compliant, Martin Blackwood Has a Crush on Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Martin Blackwood Needs a Hug, Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist Needs a Hug, Not really a plot here, Internalized Fatphobia, Internalized Acephobia (kinda), Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Worth Issues, Everyone is doing bad

Check it out and maybe give it a kudo or leave a comment, even an emoji would be delightful, I need applause to live.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/61894225/chapters/158428984

Martin Blackwood spent most of his life trying to take up as little space as possible. He felt most comfortable when he was invisible in the corner of the room, which was quite a feat at 6ft 1in with broad shoulders and a round figure. He was the tallest person working in the archives, much to Tim’s 5ft 11 annoyance, and he practically towered over Jon at 5ft 8in. He had been “too big” since he was a teenager, and even though he was deceptively strong, it wasn’t in the useful sporty way. No, Martin was too soft. His large upper arms made button down shirts uncomfortable unless he went up a size, and his trousers often got holes in the thighs from friction. On top of that, his bulk in the crowded and narrow basement meant he was always pressing past a stack of files desperately hoping the sleeve of his jumper or the curve of his ass wouldn’t topple something to the floor. He had seen exasperated looks when that happened, and it happened a lot. He had even heard a whispered invective from the highly critical Head Archivist a couple times. Those cut especially deep since he wanted nothing more than to be good at this job. Or least good enough to not stand out as a disappointment. It wasn’t just his body that was soft, his mother had spent decades telling him he was too emotional, too prone to fits of crying. That liking poetry and small animals and quiet walks were what made him soft and gay and useless. And those words followed him every time he bumped into something, or ate a sweet, or worried that he might break a delicate chair. 

Martin spent a lot of time trying to forget his appearance. The best days were when he was so caught up in a research project that he could forget he had a body at all, and just exist as a floating consciousness in the archives, helpful and unobtrusive. When he was forced to look in the mirror he hated his round boyish face. Popular media insisted that a smattering of freckles over your cheeks and nose were supposed to be cute, but Martin had a hard time distinguishing them from faded teenage acne scars, so all he could see was mess. He’d tried growing a beard to hide his imperfect skin and soft chin, but it came in patchy and uneven and sprawled more down his neck than up his full cheeks where he wanted it. No, he was stuck with the clean-shaven, cherubic, peaches and cream complexion that made him look even younger than his twenty nine years. Thirty-three according to his embellished resume, of course. 

His sandy-colored hair didn’t help him look any older either. When he was a child, his hair had fallen in angelic gold curls that somehow annoyed his mother, since she had him crop it short. Now as an adult, it fell in soft fluffy waves that he kept above his ears, though when it got long the ends still started to curl. The bright gold had also faded to an unremarkable muddy mix between dirty blonde and mousy brown. He had continued to list it as “blonde” on dating apps until he got enough annoyed or disappointed reactions in person. Apparently his blonde wasn’t blonde enough, and his eyes were too grey to be called blue, and of course “You seem heavier than your pictures, no offense”. God, Martin hated the Grindr scene. 

It’s not that he never dated, the relationships just didn’t last long. He had learned through rejections after rejection that he was good for a hookup and not much else. The encounters left him feeling a little used, and often unsatisfied, but just having the touch of another person staved off the dark places his mind brought him. It also gave him a break from fantasizing about his boss and the really terrible crush he’d been nursing for a couple years now. 

He’d always had a thing for the lanky bookish types, the hot professor aesthetic really did it for him. Even better when that professor was strict and withholding. Something about it made Martin want to beg for approval. It was the difference between a dog's affection that’s handed out freely to anyone in the room, and winning over the judgemental cat in the corner. Martin dreamed of being chosen, being examined and found worthy. Or maybe it was just latent daddy issues stemming from his father’s abandonment at age 8. Either way, Jonathan Sims hit every one of those buttons. It had been just an attraction until the worm attacks. When Jon went out of his way to protect Martin, and when they started spending time together late at night when Jon worked late and Martin was sleeping in document storage, that attraction had blossomed into a full blown infatuation. 

Even though Martin’s favorite tea was Yorkshire Gold, Jon drank Hampstead Earl Grey, so switching over gave Martin an excuse to drop a cup on Jon’s desk whenever he refreshed his own. Martin had even spent a fruitless two weeks researching youtube tutorials on making an authentic chai blend, until he convinced himself Jon would find that presumptuous and accuse him of being racist. 

Martin spent a lot of his time divining ways his coworkers could hate him. Years of practice had taught him that the best way to avoid getting yelled at was to anticipate every possible need and either meet them or get out of the way. He learned that lesson young. The marks of a troubled childhood were easy to spot on him. He was quick with stammering apologies, flinched at slammed doors and raised voices, and spent valuable time double and triple checking his work anxiously. He could see those very qualities getting under people’s skin, but seemed to be unable to stop. 

The only place he could relax was his cramped flat in Stockwell. Most of the furniture was thrifted, the gaming console was two generations old at this point, and the landlord hadn’t fixed the leaky sink or cracked floorboard since Martin moved in - but it was his. The paycheck from the Magnus Institute was the best he’d ever had, but it took a lot to keep his mother in her care home in Devon. He had been living with her out of financial necessity after dropping out of school to become her carer, but about a year before he’d been hired at the institute she’d decided to put herself in a home far enough away that Martin couldn’t visit regularly. Now she barely answered his calls, and sometimes pretended to be asleep or sick to avoid seeing him when he did get down to visit. 

His financial struggles were easy to see on him. His slacks and jumpers were often secondhand, and Martin had learned to sew and patch things to get as much use out of them as possible. It also meant his clothes were often ill-fitting since plus size shopping at thrift stores was damn near impossible. He always brought his lunch, and on days when he was too rushed or his bread had gone moldy, he would make up a reason he couldn’t go out with Tim or Basira. The unhelpful voice in his head usually said You can stand to miss a few meals anyway, but he had learned not to say that part out loud. On a few dire occasions, Martin had accepted a Grindr date he knew would end poorly just because the guy would buy him dinner first. 

Sasha had caught him walking with a slight limp one Monday morning after just such an occasion and had cornered him about it. At first she was convinced Martin had a secret boyfriend and wanted details. Then she’d given a mild talking to about being safe when he’d admitted to making poor hookup choices. He couldn’t remember now if that had been Sasha or NotSasha. It was strange to think the monster would have cared if Martin was ok, but maybe it just wanted him to stay in the Archives more. 

And for the most part he did. Especially now that Jon was away more, and Tim was angry and distant, and Basira and Melanie seemed to be trapped here against their will, Martin felt like he was holding down the fort. He just wanted to avoid a fight, but it felt like the entire team was slowly boiling. He just needed to make enough tea and keep things organized and he could prevent someone from taking their anger out on him. 

If he could just be good enough. If he could just be good enough. If he could just be good. Then they could prevent the apocalypse. Then Jon would be safe. Then Tim would be safe. Then Jon would love him back. Then he could be worthy of someone loving him back. He could be worthy.

[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

I accidentally lost my mind in the tags of this post. So I’m breaking Tumblr law by posting a screenshot of my own hashtags. Because now the idea of the Archivist as Hamlet is eating my entire brain.

They both have a mother figure named Gertrude.

They both spend monologue after monologue about the morality of decision-making and action.

“Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune, or to take arms against a sea of troubles, and by opposing end them?”

Hamlet argues with himself about whether action or inaction is better when you can’t possibly know all the variables of the outcome. 

Tell me you don’t hear The Archivist

Is the more noble thing to endure suffering like a martyr or too fight back and end the suffering, perhaps by Ending the suffering. This is literally the argument of MAG 200.

Because to both, death would be preferable than the fight, because it would mean an end to the suffering. But you can’t kill yourself. Hamlet promised God by being a Catholic. Jon just promised Martin. So what both of them do instead is to make shitty decision after stupid, idiotic decision, and get all of their friends and loved ones murdered instead, by accident. Hamlet didn’t mean for Ophelia to kill herself. He didn’t even mean to kill Polonious. And Jon is gutted over the deaths of Tim and Sasha. But they were the direct result of his mistakes. 

Thus conscience does make cowards of us all: The Jonathan Sims story.

God it’s not just that monologue, it’s the whole damn character. 

“And in this harsh world, draw thy breath in pain to tell my story.”

“I don’t wanna be another goddamn mystery”

[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

Ok, my fixation on the Magnus Archives isn’t going away any time soon, and I don’t want to jump into Protocol yet because I’m not ready to say goodbye to Jon and Martin. And I don’t want resent some fabulous new characters just because they’re not my boys.

Instead, I played one of my favorite games. Turn on an album and use my theater brain to figure out how I would stage it. I had a 3 hour drive for an out of town gig, so I listened The Mechanisms all the way there and back.

Each album got 2 listens in a row, one for vibes and appreciation, and one to dissect and take notes.

I think I like The Bifrost Incident the best. The songs are so good. A train set would be totally reasonable to build. Utterly destroying it a little bit harder, but I was thinking of a large scale regional production (something like Papermill, ART, La Jolla) where automation/projection/special effects aren’t an issue - so we could explode a train.

The problem is that it’s a train … In Space!

Outer Space and Theater feels so deeply incompatible. Not that people haven’t tried, I’m just not sure I’ve ever seen someone do it successfully (sorry Jonathan Larson) But that’s fine. This is a reimagining, it doesn’t have to be an outer space train, it can just be a train traveling through the BiFrost.

Ok, then I started thinking of design, maybe more of a steampunk aesthetic to go with the train. But hey, wait a minute, a pantheon of gods, in a tragic story about a doomed train, singing a little jazzy-folky, cabaret tunes.

Oh. Fuck. We’ve just invented Hadestown. 

And every design and staging idea, I’ve been mulling over for the past hour drive vanishes in a puff of smoke. Nah, I can’t do a big intricate metal spiral staircase. That’s too fucking close to Hadestown.

It’s even got the narrator that pretends to be neutral, but is actually deeply emotionally invested in the story. And while I like Jonny’s vocals very very much it’s just mean, - for any performer - to allow the audience to draw a direct comparison to Andre DeShields.

So it’s with a heavy heart I put The Bifrost incident down and try the Snow White/Rose Red album Once Upon a Time (In Space). And unfortunately, I think we’ve hit market saturation of gritty warlike retellings of Grimm’s fairytales. I’m sure this absolutely fucking slapped in 2012, but in 2024 Disney’s Once Upon A Time has ruined the possibility for everyone. I tried so hard to imagine a design, but all I could see was either that or the new generation of Disney live action remix. Or even that one Huntsman movie with Kristen Stewart as Battle!Snow White.

I kind of love, weird, obscure shit, though, I could totally see this, finding a home in fringe circuit. Unfortunately, you need those institutional dollars if you want highly stylized, long wigs and battle armor and spaceships. It’s the intrepid black box theater troupe that gets a show that looks like this:

But with less tailoring.

So with a great sadness, I put Once Upon A Time In Space on the reject pile for my fantasy new musical development workshop.

The next time I have a long drive I’ll try out Ulysses Dies at Dawn but unfortunately, that would be a race against time since there are about four different odyssey themed musicals in development right now. One of which, epic, is getting a lot of traction online. And another will be coming to one of the LORT theaters I mentioned earlier. (Fucking call me back [Redacted] am I working on [redacted] or not UGH)

So, I’m about three years too late to win that game. [inset joke about Gatsby vs Gatbsy here].

All this is just fantasy of course, even if I did strike gold I would still need to convince actual-human Jonathan Sims to engage in a years long, time consuming, deeply frustrating development process, on the wrong continent. So for the absolutely microscopic overlap of my followers, who are both invested in The Magnus Archives/ The Mechanisms and also Musical Theater, I’m sorry to disappoint.

But it is nice to think about New Ideas tm for theater while making my yearly sacrifice to the gods of freelance employment and do another year of The Nutcracker. Oh well at least I’m not Christmas Caroling this year.



[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

Goddamn it I made it 100 episodes into The Magnus Archives before realizing that Michael the Lightning person and Michael the Spiral person are in fact different entities. Shit.

Also, yeah, the Magnus Archives is eating my whole brain currently. I’ve never listened to it before .

Why am I so horny for the Archivist? That Voice just does things to me, especially when he’s being a full-blown cunt.

[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

My current theater is next to a Panera.

And today we found it on the ceiling.

The Bread Valve.

We control the bread now.

[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

I need a new pinned post. Here we go.

Looks like I’m actually using Tumblr regularly again, God what fucking year is it? Now that Twitter has fallen into the ocean, this seems like the best place for yelling about fandom style things.

Currently eating my brain: The Magnus Archives

Always on my mind: OFMD, Doctor Who, Broadway/musical theater, labor unions, Buffy

I’m not gonna list every fandom because that would take 100 years. But a good mix. I actively try not to post about the maw of despair that is American politics/current events. Because that has invaded every other aspect of my life. And I need a break to post about gay pirates or whatever.

I live in fear of the day I end up working with someone that I’ve posted about and need to delete myself from the entire internet.

[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

OFMD and Breathwork Part 2 - The Kiss Scene

Much later than intended but I’m back, as promised, with the part 2 of my breath and voice work thread, this time looking at the kiss scene in Episode 9.

I really thought this was going to be more fun, but turns out it was mostly sad. Oh no. But before we get sad, let's do a part 2 of the basics. If you’re just joining, please read the other thread (https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/not-she-which-burns-in-it/686892030208638976?source=share) for info on where breath comes from in your body (in an acting sense) and how it affects the tension of the scene. This time we’re gonna focus on the pace of the scene, and when in your breathing cycle you begin speaking, and how that reflects the acting choices you make. 

LET’S DIVE IN!

BREATHING 202 - PACE

Ok, we’re working with my crude drawings this time, I’m so sorry. Here is a line of your breath. Line goes up for breathing in, line goes down for breathing out. Pretty self explanatory.

When you’re awake and talking, the breath cycle isn't really gonna look that smooth. The lower line for instance is more like your deep relaxed breath - breathe in deeply, quick at first and then slowing down as your lungs reach a comfortably full level. Then slowly breathing out in a long tail. As soon as you’re done, you breathe back in, no pause. This really makes more sense when you try it. Try breathing in following the lines, we’re all gonna learn today. 

Now here are some simplified spots where you might start speaking in your breath cycle, meaning how much air is in your lungs when you start making words happen. Let’s take a look at them:

So, we put all this together and we get a map of intentions. Especially when we combine this breathwork with the info from part 1, and all the other pieces of acting - micro expressions, body language, non-fluencies (uhms, ahhs, sighs) - we can glean SO MUCH about the acting choices and storytelling. If I ever get around to a Part 3, I’ll do the intro section on Spicy Breath and Vocal Work, I promise. That’s a whole thing. But for now let’s get to the kiss scene. I looked at the whole scene, not just the kiss itself, because the story demanded it.

THE SCENE BEFORE

Ok, in order to talk about this scene we have to go back to where we last saw Stede. Everything starts going wrong right here in this gif. The music that plays at the top of the kiss scene starts 5 minutes earlier in this moment. The second Stede learns that Mary reported him as dead, the smile falls off his face and this delicate piano music comes in (I quit music school to study theater but I can tell you it’s in a minor key). 

That leads us into the bunk bed scene - that music is still playing - where he’s wondering aloud whether Mary really thinks he’s dead or just reported him dead out of spite. He’s flashing back to his family, the worry for his children starts creeping in. Mary is still coded like an antagonist at this point, but the phrasing “do they really think I’m dead”, tells us he’s worried about his children mourning his death while he’s off being happy and falling in love. The music cuts out the second Ed appears. Ed clears away Stede’s troubled thoughts. Awww. But oh no, it’s doesn’t last. This conversation with Ed doesn’t make him feel any better, it makes him feel worse. Look at his face when Ed says “It’s time to accept our fate”

Stede is so upset he literally runs away. He darts out of the dormitory out toward the water leaving Ed sitting on his bed. And Ed is not oblivious to this, he’s worried. His mouth is tight, his brow is furrowed, and his eyes are casting down and around as if looking for an explanation. He’s upset, why?

Now, Ed isn’t stupid, he can think of a bunch of reasons why Stede might be upset, they’ve been captured and are losing their freedom. Of course, Ed has missed the key element here, which is Stede’s bottomless pit of worthless self-image. So what does Ed gather from this - Ed is ok with his adventurous life being over, but Stede is not. This is a good theory from Ed’s perspective, he is ready to stop being Blackbeard but Stede just got started as the Gentleman Pirate, it makes sense for him to be not find joy in moving on from that life. 

SO. The beach. We start with the same melancholy piano music picking back up. More flashbacks to playing with his children. Look at his body language, he’s curled up staring out at the sea. His knees are pulled up like they were when Ed left him for Calico Jack. His hands are on his knees holding himself together, and his thumbs are gently sweeping back and forth across his kneecaps - trying to sooth himself. Honestly he looks like he’s about to cry, his lips press together and he breathes in deep. There’s no one for him to speak to, he’s alone, the breath is to either tamp down the wave of emotion or let it out. But whatever he’s about to do, Ed immediately derails that plan.

And this takes us into the kiss scene. Stede is wallowing in guilt over his family, and guilt over dragging Edward into all this with him. Ed is looking to convince him to look on the bright side. Now you can “look on the bright side” of loss especially if you’re gaining something else. “Hey you can’t be a fancy pirate, but maybe you can have me” Excellent proposition Ed, well done. Tragically, that’s not the problem. You can’t cheer someone up from guilt and feelings of worthlessness, it will in fact make them feel worse. “Hey you feel bad for being happy while your family is in trouble, what if, we had even more happiness together?”

THE SCENE

“There you are” implying he’s been looking all over for him. And look how close he sits. They don’t appear to be touching, but it’s a couple inches at best between them. Now it’s Ed’s turn to let out a breath. He settles himself with it. It’s not clear whether it’s relaxing, now that he knows Stede is ok, or if it’s a determined breath because he has an idea of how to fix Stede’s sadness and he’s come looking for him to do just that.

He starts with a joke, but this isn’t his boisterous joking voice, it’s not even his normal speaking voice, it’s soft, gentle, and from the throat (check part 1 for what that means) it’s very similar to the way Stede speaks to Ed in the moonlight, or in the bathtub scene. It’s soothing and intimate. Given the sudden breath in and out before he starts, I’m guessing the intention was to start with a “tell me what’s wrong” sort of approach and he chickened out and went for a joke. But his voice is still in the soft “tell me what’s wrong” tone and volume. Adorable. But Stede brushes it off, “Oh come on, stupid idea”. It’s even softer in vocal quality than Ed. But somehow it’s not increasing the intimacy, it’s creating distance. How? Because the lack of volume and vocal support isn’t to draw Ed closer, it’s because Stede isn’t really talking to him, he’s talking to himself. As soon as he says it, Ed looks down and stops smiling. It’s hard to catch because he’s blurry in the foreground, but you can see the concern immediately rush back in oh this isn’t something easily fixed. Here’s where I get sad already. Stede looks at Ed to gauge his reaction before doubling down on the negative self-talk. By the time Stede looks at Ed, Ed is no longer smiling gently at Stede. All Stede sees is a concerned frown. He’s concerned for Stede, but Stede’s never gonna see it that way. The “Oh shut up” response is so quick, it’s reflexive. I’d bet anything it’s a #1 (Speaking before you breathe in) but I can’t tell where he is in his natural breath cycle to say for sure. But instead of engaging with his own emotions, Stede pivots to Ed’s emotional state instead. This is a recurrence in their relationship where Ed is emotionally vulnerable and Stede provides comfort and support. Stede is much less willing to share his own feelings - so much for his “talk it through as a crew” motto. Ed unfortunately (fortunately?) takes the bait.

Stede’s at a normal breath placement (either a #2 or #4), but listen to his emphasis “how are you handling this so well” - compared to Stede handling it very poorly. But again, we’re not saying that outloud.

Listen to Edward’s speech here, this is a great example of using breath to pace a speech where your character is discovering each piece of what he’s saying as he’s saying it. He’s taking small breaths in between each new idea. I’ve added tally marks here to visualize it. “I don’t know [///] It’s kinda nice just to take a load off [//] Just to [/] Just to be [/] Edward [//] I don’t know if I wanna go back to the old days [/] just drinking all day and [/] biting the heads off turtles or [/] making some poor bloke eat his own toes as a laugh [//]” 

Notice how the word “Edward” is completely isolated by breath. It’s HUGE for him to acknowledge Edward’s desires are different from Blackbeard’s. It’s something Izzy seems to have been aware of from the beginning, but Edward really only realized once Stede came into his life. Stede, bless his refined little heart. Takes a full breath in to not respond to the “eat his own toes” comment. Because he’s polite, and loves Ed, and doesn’t want to derail the emotional sharing by over-reacting. But you can see it in the immediate and deep furrow of his brow.

When Ed starts speaking again, he’s a little more hurried to get the thought out. The biggest note is the separation of the word “Ed” again, it’s revelatory to not just recognize the parts of him have different desires but that he should prioritize Edward’s desires and needs over Blackbeard’s. And BOY OH BOY does he act on that realization immediately. Because what Ed wants is 1,000% clear to this man. 

BUT STEDE MISSES THIS DISTINCTION. 

Listen to his emphasis. He matches the structure but he puts the emphasis on happy not on Ed. 

“What makes Ed happy” vs “What makes Ed happy?” It’s a subtle difference but extremely important. Because Stede thinks he’s saying 

“Pirating has made me happy until now, but I guess, since there is no escape, no way back to that life, I want to be as happy as I can…” But in reality he’s saying “Pirating made Blackbeard happy, but for the first time, I want to focus on what makes Ed happy, because I enjoy being Edward…” But let’s finish that thought and really cry. More breath tally marks, because they’re important.

“[//] These past [/] few weeks [//] have been [//] the most fun I’ve had in ages [/] years [/] maybe ever. [///] so [//] so uh [/] I reckon [/] what makes Ed happy [//] is [///] you.” Again, we’re getting breath in between each new thought, or each moment where he needs to gather strength to get these words out. This time instead of “Ed” being isolated by breath, the word is “you”. Stab me in the heart. Confessing your love for someone is hard, oh wow it’s scary, and Ed needs all the breath support he can get. He’s also not speaking very loud. They’re so close to each other, these breaths are tiny little snatches of air. That last phrase though. “What makes Ed happy is you” Why does it sound so breathless if he’s taking so much time to breathe? Let’s Map It Out! (THIS IS THE GOOD SHIT)

Ed getting that last word out with the last bit of air in his body is EVERYTHING. It’s desperate. It’s vulnerable. It’s so unsure of what happens next or if he should be saying it at all. It’s taking a huge chance because this is the moment things between them go from subtext to text. This isn’t just saying “Hey, let’s bang” it’s saying “I have soft squishy feelings for you, and maybe that makes me weak but I don’t care because you make me happy”. And Stede is FLOORED. The Gnossienne No 5 comes in, and everything is good. His whole face lifts up like the simple act of making another person happy is the nicest thing anyone’s ever said to him. Especially since he started out this scene dwelling on how much he’d disappointed his family, his parents, how he’d made this difficult for his crew and Ed, and everyone in his life. For Ed - glorious, wonderful, legendary Ed - to say that Stede is what makes him happy. Holy Shit. That’s groundbreaking for Stede. This is the first and only real smile we get from him in the whole scene. You can see the worries lift off him for a second. And before he can say something stupid: the kiss. 

THE KISS

Ed reaches around to anchor Stede’s opposite shoulder as he presses in - both to angle him properly and to stop him from startling away. Not in a forced manner, his touch is gentle, moreso he’s aware that Stede’s not experienced at this and he’s guiding the moment. So thoughtful. Also, so soft, my god.

Stede responds to the kiss immediately, he’s not just passively being kissed. Eyes closed and lips pressed forward, he’s about it. And he moves his lips on Ed’s to find a better position. As Ed shifts forward more and brings his left hand up to Stede’s shoulder he’s turning his whole body into the kiss, gently stroking his right hand down Stede’s back. The rustle sound you hear is Ed pulling his leg up in the sand to get better leverage turning to Stede. Stede meanwhile sweeps his arm forward toward Ed. I can’t see where his hand lands, but it looks like it’s going for Ed’s knee. 

Ed breathes in before he kisses Stede, (part one call back) but it’s hard to catch because he doesn’t do it until he starts moving. I LOVE this because it implies he didn’t decide to kiss Stede until he was already doing it. It’s a small catch breath, not much air, and certainly not enough for a big romantic kiss. So we hear Ed breath in bigger through his nose as they kiss - breathing is not important enough to stop kissing Stede - right before he starts shifting his body. After he shifts you hear him breathe out, again through his nose because he’s not stopping this kiss for any single reason. But it comes out slow like he’s sighing into the kiss. 

They are both pressing forward, despite the shifting bodies and sweeping hands, their lips don’t part. After they reposition their bodies, Ed turns his head to deepen the kiss just a little and we get that tiny tiny whimper noise from Stede and all my braincells explode into gay glitter. 

I’m not sure Stede is breathing at all here. He might breathe in a bit when they shift, but I’m not sure. I think it’s just internet start-up noises in there. Which might add to his dazed expression and whispered response post-kiss. When Stede opens his eyes he’s looking at Ed’s lips, briefly, before his glance goes back to Ed’s eyes. This moment is pure joy. Even if the guilt comes rushing back in, this moment is golden.

POST KISS 

Stede’s line “You make Stede happy” is in the softest whisper. And they stay at this intimate whispered level until Ed’s plan starts to form. We really hear Ed’s voice come back on “There’s always an escape” while Stede responds in a whisper, not yet bought into this plan.

It’s not until “China” that things start to go wrong. As soon as Stede says China, his glance skitters away and down. He hedges, “That’s quite far away.” Ed interprets this as “Can we get that far” when really Stede means “Maybe we shouldn’t go that far.” But alas, Ed doubles down on the thing Stede is most worried about “Our old lives will be gone, never were.”

Stede looks down again, to the same spot, and the cut away tells us he’s thinking of Mary. And the clip is significant here. It’s both a refutation of Ed’s point “We can start a new life” vs “We only have one life.” And the bits about “We never would have chosen each other.” relay strongly to themes of found family. Because Stede wouldn’t just be abandoning his family in Barbados by running away to China, he’d also be abandoning his Found Family on the Revenge. I genuinely wonder if we would have gotten this anxious guilt reaction if Ed had simply proposed going back to The Revenge. It would have felt less like an abandonment to Stede, and “now or never” in getting closure with Mary and the kids. But. We’ll never know. SO. We’d looked at Ed’s breath in his decision moment, now let’s look at Stede’s. Right before this cut away to Mary, Ed asks “What do you say?” Stede breathes deeply in and out. We come back from the cut away to see him finishing that exhale as he looks out to the ocean. He doesn’t breathe in. He presses his lips into a thin line. He doesn’t breathe in. He swallows nervously and looks back at Ed. He STILL doesn’t breathe in. “Yeah.”

https://youtu.be/cQC_7HAMza4

He’s 100% speaking with no air. He desperately needs to breathe in and feel steady, get support for his words, and think clearly, but no. The word just escapes him in this desperate whisper. It sounds like somebody punched it out of him. I think Ed misses it because he assumes Stede is nervous for the dangerous escape, or just flustered from the kiss. But folks, if you’re asking someone something really important and they say Yes in that tone, and then make THIS face.

Stop and clarify that they’re ok, and that they actually want whatever it is. Because wow, this is a cry for help. Also, listen to the music at this exact moment, it does this discordant little minor trip that just SOUNDS uneasy. Brilliant music design here folks. It trills up when Ed realizes Stede is saying yes, and then comes jarring back down when Stede makes this face. OUCH.

I love the mirroring of breath between Ed’s “...you” and Stede’s “...yeah” - one is so full of hope while the other is so full of despair and yet they are physically executed in the same way. Brilliant, so painful, thank you David Jenkins. It’s also further proof that Stede’s breakdown was not just from Chauncy, but a crash and burn that he was headed to from the moment they got to the island. Ed’s phrasing here also mirror’s the bathtub scene “I was suppose to kill…. you” as many people have pointed out. But here’s the thing, that scene brings them closer together because Ed is being vulnerable and Stede is providing support. Stede is comfortable with that role, because he doesn’t have to examine any of his own feelings and desires. This scene is the opposite. Despite Ed making the love confession, this scene is about providing Stede emotional support. Stede is ZERO percent ok with openly acknowledging what he wants or needs, which again leads to this face. 

I don’t think he was planning on ditching Edward the way he did though. Not based on this physicality. This SCREAMS “maybe if I just keep pushing these bad feelings down they’ll go away.” Thank you Mary Bonnet for shaking that out of him with a well-placed skewer to the ear hole. Therapy for everyone in Season 2!

Part 3??

Someday I’ll make a part 3, I’m not making any promises of when this time - I’ve learned! But I really want to look at Ed’s physicality around Calico Jack vs his physicality around Stede because it’s fucking fascinating. As I said at the top the intro lesson will be on intimacy work because SPICY.

Anyway I’ve written like 3,000 words at this point and I have to stop. Likes and comments really make my day - thank you all for the interaction from part one (which is here if you need it:

https://www.tumblr.com/blog/view/not-she-which-burns-in-it/686892030208638976?source=share

)  And come follow me on Twitter @/shewhich that’s where most of my brainrot content lives these days.

[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

Mini OFMD Breathwork Analysis - CoCaptains?

Crossposting this from Twitter because I’m shameless. Someone (FineFabricFancy) posted this clip and said “I will never recover from this” and the WHY would not leave my head. Look at this little 7 second clip. Why does it their love feel like it’s jumping off the screen?

This clip is gold because you can literally hear both of them push all their air out as their chests constrict in affection and joy.  They’re not laughing, not really, it’s more like a sudden surprised exhale. What we’re hearing is that they’re so in love they forgot how to breathe for a second. Try it! Breathe in, smile really big and breathe out quickly through your mouth. When you feel your chest contract, you feel like a teddy bear someone squished and you wanna giggle and kick your feet. It’s the sheer joy pouring out of them. And look at Ed, look at the way he has to immediately look away from Stede because he starts blushing like a slut. The beard is hiding the smile, but you can see it in the apples of his cheeks! His gaze is so soft and loving (remember this is after the Fine Things Well scene, so he knows exactly how he feels at this point).  Meanwhile Stede looks shocked. His eyebrows go up and his mouth drops open. Utterly stunned that someone is on the same page as him for once. Not only is his idea not stupid, Ed had the same idea! There’s no greater proof than tactical genius Blackbeard having the same idea. And then he smiles so hard his whole face scrunches in like a little cat.  When Ed offers his glass for a cheers, Stede pulls himself together, so pleased. It’s this tiny moment of seeing confident, competent Stede - no worry or anxiety, and no false performative bravado. He’s relaxed and secure for a couple seconds knowing that he’s safe and seen with Ed.  And I really think we’re going to see more of that Stede in Season 2. It’s a tiny glimpse of boat-dragging Stede. And they’re just SO IN LOVE.  

[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

Oh whoops I’m not done talking about this.

So I just finished season four. I have not yet listen to season five, I do not know how The Magnus Archives ends. The MAG 160 twist completely caught me fucking fucking offguard. For anyone who’s read my meta-analysis that I write sometimes, you know I’m pretty media savvy. I have an English degree, I work in the theater, I was a professional fiction podcast producer, I do storytelling for a living basically. And I did not fucking see this coming.

The MAG 159 twist was exactly what I thought. The way Martin played out, the way John’s Ark played out, the way daisies are played out, even Melanie. This was super well written, and all of those season four conclusions made perfect sense for what Johnny has built.

And then MAG 160 slapped me across the face so hard I had to pause the episode and yell “WHAT WHAT HOLD ON WHAT? HOLD THE FUCK ON” for a while in the car.

I hadn’t spent a lot of time doing red string theory, but I was halfway convinced that Elias was prepping Jon to be the next vessel. Because Elias being possessed by Jonah Magnus, was something that I guessed early on in the season. I reasoned that Gertrude being incompatible as a vessel was why she was killed, and that with Jon as the new vessel, Elias could ??? I don’t know, I hadn’t quite thought through what Elias’s endgame might be in that scenario.

I had considered the rituals not working, something along the lines of “there’s no way Gertrude could’ve caught them all” and “wait what do you mean? They were just invented by Robert Smirke?” And then of course, it’s hinted at outright just a couple episodes before. I thought maybe the web, or the eye, or the end, was already preventing any other rituals from happening - like maybe the big reveal was that one of the entities had already manifested, and we as a society just didn’t notice because it’s a horrible dystopian hell world already.

I really didn’t see the apocalypse coming.

Oh no, I’m back on my Magnus Archives bullshit. So I’m really sorry to whoever follows this blog for the rare meta-drops and writing analysis, because all I’m gonna be reblogging for the next couple weeks is TMA.

But also, the episodes from 2019 talking about the extinction as a new fear trying to be born through a pandemic, and then the end of that season happens and it’s the world ends, and Alex comes on to say “The Magnus Archives season five will return in April 2020” and how did the TMA fandom not genuinely lose their whole minds? How did y’all not scream into the sky? 

The reason I have to come to Tumblr to yell about The Magnus Archives is that currently no one I’m working with has listened to it. For instance:

In the play “Search for Signs of Intelligent Life in the Universe” these two prostitutes get into a car with a guy who doesn’t want to have sex with them, but just wants their life stories. He records it, on a tape recorder. And then they monologue very eloquently for like 10 minutes.

So naturally, I was like “you can’t fool me, Jonathan Sims” But no one was around to understand what a good joke that was, my life is so hard. 

[not-she-which-burns-in-it]

I can absolutely see a staging of Once Upon A Time (in Space) in like a 150 seat blackbox, ideally with a 3 quarter thrust, stadium seating, on stage band… Like I can see it in my mind.

But once I realized I know how (in the big picture sense) to automate the destruction of a giant train set, I had my heart set on a big LORT theater. Like, dream with me, a 2 story train car set where the top level stays as Odins observatory and maybe 1 additional room. All we see is the outline of it though - the sides, the doors, the windows, all in an intricate wrought iron. So see all the actors clearly, like they’ve been swallowed by the skeleton of a train. You could either track or use an elevator to bring new furniture into the train for different scenes. Track would give the illusion of movement as an entire interior of a room shifted Stage Right or Left as one unit.

Then, when the train is destroyed the top section pulls off on thin aircraft cable lines. If the ends telescoped inside each other they could have foam or rubbered ends that are gnarled and twisted to look the the train has exploded. The bottom half could tilt shift on an elevator drop. Basically like a giant trapdoor hinge that has automated pumps so it “falls” in a controlled move. It would look like the train sinks into the black void of the floor.

Upstage of the train skeleton I’d have an industrial looking light wall - aka exposed piping and fixtures. LED and mapped of course for patterns and colors. So you could create some lighting strike effects or the exploding green light of mental anguish or Loki, or a subtle rainbow effect that flickered from right to left to make the train look like it was moving through the bifrost.

I’m still thinking about costume design because I kept ending up either fully in Hadestown land with beautiful suits for the leaders and work clothes for the servants and prisoners. But if I lean into the industrial feel maybe that can be avoided. Although I run the risk of crashing into the Florence Welch Gatsby aesthetic, less well known but I’ve been fantasizing about this developmental piece for Boston.

Hmmm maybe I’m not over wanting to stage this album. The theater demons are clearly still in my mind.

Ok, my fixation on the Magnus Archives isn’t going away any time soon, and I don’t want to jump into Protocol yet because I’m not ready to say goodbye to Jon and Martin. And I don’t want resent some fabulous new characters just because they’re not my boys.

Instead, I played one of my favorite games. Turn on an album and use my theater brain to figure out how I would stage it. I had a 3 hour drive for an out of town gig, so I listened The Mechanisms all the way there and back.

Each album got 2 listens in a row, one for vibes and appreciation, and one to dissect and take notes.

I think I like The Bifrost Incident the best. The songs are so good. A train set would be totally reasonable to build. Utterly destroying it a little bit harder, but I was thinking of a large scale regional production (something like Papermill, ART, La Jolla) where automation/projection/special effects aren’t an issue - so we could explode a train.

The problem is that it’s a train … In Space!

Outer Space and Theater feels so deeply incompatible. Not that people haven’t tried, I’m just not sure I’ve ever seen someone do it successfully (sorry Jonathan Larson) But that’s fine. This is a reimagining, it doesn’t have to be an outer space train, it can just be a train traveling through the BiFrost.

Ok, then I started thinking of design, maybe more of a steampunk aesthetic to go with the train. But hey, wait a minute, a pantheon of gods, in a tragic story about a doomed train, singing a little jazzy-folky, cabaret tunes.

Oh. Fuck. We’ve just invented Hadestown. 

And every design and staging idea, I’ve been mulling over for the past hour drive vanishes in a puff of smoke. Nah, I can’t do a big intricate metal spiral staircase. That’s too fucking close to Hadestown.

It’s even got the narrator that pretends to be neutral, but is actually deeply emotionally invested in the story. And while I like Jonny’s vocals very very much it’s just mean, - for any performer - to allow the audience to draw a direct comparison to Andre DeShields.

So it’s with a heavy heart I put The Bifrost incident down and try the Snow White/Rose Red album Once Upon a Time (In Space). And unfortunately, I think we’ve hit market saturation of gritty warlike retellings of Grimm’s fairytales. I’m sure this absolutely fucking slapped in 2012, but in 2024 Disney’s Once Upon A Time has ruined the possibility for everyone. I tried so hard to imagine a design, but all I could see was either that or the new generation of Disney live action remix. Or even that one Huntsman movie with Kristen Stewart as Battle!Snow White.

I kind of love, weird, obscure shit, though, I could totally see this, finding a home in fringe circuit. Unfortunately, you need those institutional dollars if you want highly stylized, long wigs and battle armor and spaceships. It’s the intrepid black box theater troupe that gets a show that looks like this:

But with less tailoring.

So with a great sadness, I put Once Upon A Time In Space on the reject pile for my fantasy new musical development workshop.

The next time I have a long drive I’ll try out Ulysses Dies at Dawn but unfortunately, that would be a race against time since there are about four different odyssey themed musicals in development right now. One of which, epic, is getting a lot of traction online. And another will be coming to one of the LORT theaters I mentioned earlier. (Fucking call me back [Redacted] am I working on [redacted] or not UGH)

So, I’m about three years too late to win that game. [inset joke about Gatsby vs Gatbsy here].

All this is just fantasy of course, even if I did strike gold I would still need to convince actual-human Jonathan Sims to engage in a years long, time consuming, deeply frustrating development process, on the wrong continent. So for the absolutely microscopic overlap of my followers, who are both invested in The Magnus Archives/ The Mechanisms and also Musical Theater, I’m sorry to disappoint.

But it is nice to think about New Ideas tm for theater while making my yearly sacrifice to the gods of freelance employment and do another year of The Nutcracker. Oh well at least I’m not Christmas Caroling this year.