#shes so fucking funny you all and i cannot stress this enough

[scilessweetheart]

teen wolf characters as my favorite @thesewordsareallihavetogive quotes

stiles stilinski: “lamoo??? am i a french cow?? what the fuck ?”

scott mccall: *holds up a box of dots candy* “here is my lunch.” *drops one* “guess she’s for the streets.”

lydia martin: “it’s actually very cruel that i can’t have a fun little boozy drink. something that’ll tranquilize a horse. something 9000% proof.”

allison argent: “i vin diesel-ed this bitch.”

derek hale: “do i endorse cocaine? no. but the vibes are there !!”

malia tate: “i feel like a human ketchup bottle”

liam dunbar: “it was the turd icing on my shit cake”

hayden romero: "by the grace of god and the ghost of whitney houston..."

isaac lahey: “one of the lessons i’ve learned over the past few years - know your place”

kira yukimura: “wait i have a tumblr post for this”

mama mccall: “limp dick meds??? oh my god viagra is only the tip (hehe) of the ice berg !”

peter hale: “it will—and i cannot emphasize this enough—rip my soul straight out from my asshole”

sheriff stilinski: “that isn’t very mitch mcconnell red state of them”

[txttletale]

roadhogsbigbelly is doubling down. genuinely incredible (yes i am aware how deeply funny it is to start a serious post with that sentence. it is my one allotment of levity)

oh okay you just assumed that "loliporn" was involved and something that i deserved to be associated with defending and accused of making "integral to the queer identity" because of stuff that the OP (who i cannot stress enough i never followed or talked to or knew in any fucking way!) did that got called out months after i made my addition?

the rest of his post is just a very lengthy way of saying "umm if you didn't want to be called a pedophile because you were mean about stardew valley maybe you should be more careful about how you reblog from". yeah buddy im sure you apply that standard to yourself too huh. im sure you pull out your Bad Person detector every time you reblog a fucking post and beam OP with it. you literally screenshot my post about how as a trans women i get this standard uniquely applied to me and went "um its a good standard though. answer for the actions of every fucking person youve ever reblogged a post by".

and all this whole fucking schtick where he's like "ummmm im not calling you a pedophile :) i just assumed you thought 'loliporn was integral to the queer identity' based on source: i made it up and am going out of my way to repeatedly say you're agreeing with pedophiles and not being wary enough about pedophiles and that 99% of people who make the type of post im accusing you of making are pedophiles" is so fucking pathetic and if you fall for it you are a blatant transmisogynist like come the fuck on man.

i am no longer having a nice time on the computer, i am pretty fucking angry. and all this because he "doesnt have much skin in the game" but he doesn't like my stardew valley takes! yeah man real proportionate response.

not to mention the aside he makes to say 'wah wah someone told me to kill myself' amiguito do you have any fucking idea what my inbox has looked like since this entire transmisogynistic harassment campaign began a week ago? i delete those asks because i'm not into flaunting every piece of online abuse i get to make myself look like the victim in computer arguments but it has been constant and graphic! breaking news, women are people too, some of the most cutting-edge research suggests they might even have feelings!

"oh i censored her identity i dont know how she even found it" oh okay so you were anonymously pedojacketing me to your thousands of followers while vaguing about a post i made that had thousands of notes and using the same screenshot that an uncensored version of was passed around with thousands of notes as part of a transmisogynistic harassment campaign last fucking week?

how could anyone possibly have guessed it was me! it's a real mystery man it was basically witness protection. "oh but i didn't know, i didn't know she was trans", maybe he'll also say he didn't know about the harassment campaign, hey fucker, maybe apply some of the constant scrutiny you're reserving for women who are mean about farming game and apply it to yourself and consider looking into these things before baselessly making pedo accusations against someone!

this transmisogynistic crybully shit is absolutely fucking insufferable and i am absolutely sick of it and anyone who buys into it. i'm done assuming good faith or ignorance. i am not going to be a good placid little bullying target and acquiesce to this vile shit. it's truly fucking incredible that a tme guy can be found out as an actual pedophile and guys like mr. belly can immediately jump into action to use this as an opportunity to denounce a trans woman who had one interaction with him ever that consisted of five minutes spent typing an addition to a post and hitting ''reblog''. & if you don't find that sickening then straight up you are not safe for trans women to be around.

[pocket-deer-boy]

i think marcille is so fucking funny. like she's genuinely an incredibly knowledgable mage. she's very dedicated to cleanliness, and keeping her hair long and well-cared for all in the name of being better at magic. she has enough knowledge on magic to dispell a curse even if it's written in a language she doesn't know. but also, without fail, every single time she's confronted with a stressful situation, especially in dealing with monsters, she has a destructive urge that CANNOT be repressed. her first impulse for dealing with any given situation is to blow it the fuck up, or attack it in some way, magic or no magic, she WILL flinch attack you, even if this is the stupidest possible thing to do. She is both so so smart and so so stupid.

[spence-whore]

OMG! imagine a spencer x reader where they are super flirty and the team goes out to the bar and they finally kiss!!!

Late Nights and Long Overdue Conversations

Spencer Agnew x Reader

A/N this is a sort of short one but it’s sweet and simple. i struggle so hard with ranting flirty banter but i also find it so funny because everyone tells me i have a flirty personality. I will be switching back to writing these in the format of using ‘you’ instead of ‘they/them’! I will continue to make these gender fluid friendly for all of my pals though:) also, thank you so much for the support here recently??? I got a notification saying that I reached over 500 likes and that is fucking insane to me. I cannot thank you guys enough for reading these and showing them love<3 i love you guys loads!

Also, remember, I’m ass at editing these. So, overlook the mistakes.

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The week had been beyond stressful for everyone. Everyone was constantly in shoots from 7am-7pm, working nonstop. There were photoshoots going on, video shoots, announcements going up for different kinds of merch, literally everything you could think of. It was finally Friday and a few people from the office decided to go out to this bar, that is near the office. Erin, Chanse, Angela, Courtney, Spencer, Trevor, Arasha, Shayne, and Y/N all stood on a sidewalk, waiting to enter the bar.

“Is she coming or not?” Chanse asked looking around at everyone.

Amanda had agreed to come as well but somehow disappeared before anyone had the chance to talk to her.

“I’m not sure, shoot her a text and ask.” Angela said looking over at Chanse, who stood between Trevor and Shayne.

“Actually, don’t. I just got a text from her.” Courtney said giggling and holding her phone up. “She says, “Have a great night. Sorry for disappearing but I was ready to get home, get my ass in bed in comfortable pjs, drink some wine, and watch this new true crime documentary I found.” She also sent this picture.” Courtney holds up phone up for everyone to see and everyone just laughs and shakes their head at Courtney. It was a photo of Amanda sitting in bed with a huge wine glass, looking like that stereotypical aunt that is the drunk at family get togethers.

“Hey, Y/N. It looks like you don’t have any competition tonight.” Erin mumbled in your direction while elbowing you and wiggling her eyebrows.

“What do you mean?” You ask confused.

Everyone looked in your direction and just chuckled. “Amanda is always going on about how attractive Spencer is. Now, you can take her place for the night and tell him yourself.” Erin said, shrugging her shoulders and stepped into the bar with everyone following.

You just tried to brush her comment off but the end of her sentence really stuck with you. “You can just tell him yourself.” Something about Spencer really is hitting differently tonight. He isn’t wearing a hoodie for once. He was wearing a striped short sleeve with a jean jacket and corduroy pants. He always looks adorable whenever he’s wearing comfortable clothing but he just looks really hot tonight.

Everyone grabbed drinks from the bar then split up. Erin, Chanse, Angela, and Courtney took shots then ran to the dance floor while Shayne, Spencer, Trevor, Arasha, and you grabbed a table over to the side.

“I just realized, I don’t think I have ever seen you drunk before, Y/N.” Arasha said while watching you take a sip of your margarita. “You’re like the shy, reserved type.”

You laughed for a second and shook your head, “That’s a good thing though. I’m a hot mess whenever I’m drunk.”

Spencer immediately jumps into the conversation, “You’re always a hot mess.” He stopped for a minute and just stared at you. “That was supposed to be a compliment or like, you know, calling you hot. I realize though that it comes off as an insult.”

Everyone, including you, lost it over Spencer sticking his foot in his mouth. “I didn’t take it rudely. I guess I know what you mean.” You snorted and took another sip of your margarita. “You’re a hot mess yourself.”

Shayne, Trevor, and Arasha got into their own little conversation, so Spencer turned a little to face you. “I’m shocked you aren’t over there with Erin and Courtney. I’ve noticed in the past you’re always glued to their sides whenever we’ve gone out.”

“As Erin said, I gotta be right here, making sure to constantly just remind you how hot you are.” You said nonchalantly and taking a drink while trying to not smile.

Spencer’s face got red but you didn’t comment on it, you just found it kind of odd. “I mean, I definitely am not complaining if it’s coming from you.”

There was some kind of weird tension in the air between the two of you but you didn’t think twice about it. You were both a little tipsy, so it was probably just the drinks.. right?

You could hear feet come running up beside you and felt hands on your bicep. “Y/N, you have to walk outside with me, Angela, and Erin. We need fresh air but we don’t want to walk outside alooooone.” Courtney whine from beside you.

You just laughed and stood up. “Well, Mr. Agnew, sorry to cut our conversation short but it looks like I have to go for a minute.”

Spencer looks at you dead serious and in the chosen voice says, “I hate to watch you go but love to watch you leave.”

Courtney started giggling like crazy and started pulling you towards to door to walk outside, where Angela and Erin were standing. The four of you walk outside and sit on these two benches that were off to the side of the building.

“So, what was that in there?” Erin asked giving you a suggestive look.

You looked at the group confused. “What was what?”

“Y/N, don’t act dumb dude.” Angela said then chuckled loudly. “You know exactly what she’s talking about.”

“I was just having a conversation with Spencer.” You said looking around and avoiding their looks.

“I was just having a conversation with Spencer.” Courtney said in a mocking tone, “You looked like you were practically drooling over him and he was staring at you hard.”

You sat in silence for a minute debating on to comment on it or not but then decided fuck it, the guys aren’t around. This is your opportunity to just talk about it.

“Okay, I might have some feelings for him.” You mumbled covering your face, “I don’t want to talk about it thought because I know he doesn’t feel the same.” You got up from the bench and started pacing.

“What do you mean he doesn’t feel like the same?” Erin asked and was looking at you as if you had two heads.

You stopped in front of the bench, facing the three in front of you. “He totally doesn’t feel the same. He only sees me as a friend.” You paused for a second again before deciding to just spill it all. “Guys, I have it fucking bad. Anytime I come into work, I’m always so excited to just talk to him. I feel like a little schoolgirl with a crush. I always want to be around him. He makes me feel so safe and never makes me feel stupid whenever I go on my hyper-fixation rambles. He’s just so fucking attractive, it gets under my skin. His stupid curly hair that I just want to run my fingers through. Don’t even get me started on his hugs. Anytime he has given me a hug, I just want to stand there in his arms forever. He always smells so good too. I know there’s a running bit that he smells like death sometimes but he has never smelt bad. Oh my god and don’t even get me started on..” You quit rambling realizing all three of the women in front of you look like they’re about to throw up and that’s whenever you feel like there’s someone standing right behind you.

“He’s right behind me, isn’t he?” You asked, quoting the meme.

“Uh, let’s walk in guys. I’m getting a bit cold.” Erin said standing up alongside Courtney and Angela.

You slowly turned around to face Spencer. “Heeeeey.” You said in defeat and just flopped down on the bench.

“Hey, sorry. If I knew you were confessing your undying love for someone, I would’ve just waited before coming over here.” Spencer said while shrugging his shoulders and sitting down beside you.

“Ha ha, very funny.” You responded glaring at the guy beside you. “You don’t have to act like you don’t know that I was talking about you.”

Spencer looked at you shocked for a minute then just laughed, “Wait, so your whole little confession thing was about me?”

“What all did you hear?” You asked putting your head in your hands.

“I’m not gonna lie, I did figure out it was me whenever you mentioned my ‘curly hair’ and the running bit that Shayne and Amanda joke about on the podcast, about me smelling like death.” He says sinking down a little in his bench.

You turned a little in the bench to face him and just started rambling, “I’m so sorry if it made you uncomfortable. I completely understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore or be around me. Erin just asked me and I just broke and started talking about all of the things-“

Spencer cut you off, “I don’t want to be friends anymore.”

You could feel your heart sinking and you immediately got sick to your stomach till you noticed the smile on his face.

You couldn’t focus on what he was saying because all you could think about is why is he smiling? He hates you now, doesn’t he? He’s never going to trust you again. Your thoughts were cut off by something warm on your face and that’s whenever you snapped out of it. You come to it and realize Spencer has his palms, holding your face.

“You didn’t hear one word I just said, did you?” Spencer asked laughing at you and squishing your face a little in the process.

You shook your head no slowly since his hands were holding your face.

He didn’t say anything. He just leaned forward and pressed his lips on yours. It was like everything froze in that moment.

It took a moment for you to process what had just happened before you leaned forward again and kissed him again quickly.

“Wait, so you do feel the same way?” You asked, staring at Spencer like a child who just found out they were going to Disney World.

“No, I just kiss my friends after they confess their feelings. Of course I do, you dork. We can talk all of this out tomorrow whenever we’re sober alright. Let’s just head back inside and get plastered. Deal?” Spencer said while standing up and offering you his hand.

“Deal, it is quite cold out here.” You responded taking his hand.

He let go of your hand for a moment to take his jean jacket off. He holds his jean jacket out to you and gets this shit eating grin on his face.

“Here, you can wear this. I was getting kind of hot anyways. You can smell it all night since you apparently like to be a little weirdo and smell me.” He says trying to not laugh.

“That’s not what I meant!” You got defensive and tried to explain yourself before you noticed Spencer was silently laughing to himself.

“I was teasing you. Now, let’s head back inside and get bullied by everyone for finally not being wimps and admitting our feelings.”

[annoyinglandmagazine]

So I did Classical Studies in secondary school which was a fairly obscure subject, there were only nine of us in the class and we were all super into it.

Just for context here I’m talking about the class I was in from first to third year, between the ages of 13 and 16 for people with different education systems. We read the Iliad as part of course and it was really dense and when I tell you none of us could hear the word simile today without flashbacks to notating pages after pages of Homer comparing the way people walked to lions……

Anyway, it was a nightmare to read but we loved it.

We came out of those three years having forgotten most of the history of the Roman Empire but we all knew that Paris was a little bitch good for nothing but his looks, Achilles and Patroclus were definitely gay, Achilles was also a little bitch but we love him for it, Hector and Andromache deserved better and, most importantly, Agamemnon was a complete and utter douchebag who deserved everything he got and Clytemnestra was absolutely right to stab him to death in a bathtub, seriously fuck that guy.

We were so invested in this subject that we finished the curriculum early two years in a row and each year our teacher decided that we could put on a play related to the subject to fill out the last two months or so.

Naturally we settled on Troy Story 1 and Troy Story 2 detailing the Birth of Paris through to Achilles returning Hector’s body to Priam in two 40 minute instalments.

Absolutely no one of the forty people who wandered in by accident to witness our work of art understood a single second of what was going on or why we were all restrained laughter at what was basically eighty minutes of obscure classics in jokes. It was glorious. I recently found the script and I wanted to share the chaos.

Highlights included:

Jesse’s Girl playing over Helen and Paris’ introduction while she’s married to Menelaus.

So much unnecessary use of the word bro. Just so much.

Zeus and Hera narrating while passive aggressively bickering for every second of it. The gods constantly saying ‘do you want to get involved in some human drama’ to rope each other in

The extreme dramatic build up to the use of the word dog

Agamemnon speaks like a frat boy the whole time, like the biggest douche ever.

Achilles lifting Hectors body and dragging it around in slo mo while we are the champions plays

Achilles watching the war from his blanket burrito while eating popcorn out of his helmet

The shepherd who found Paris on a mountainside holding him up while the Lion King music played over it

Achilles’ trashy blonde wig. I cannot stress enough how trashy and blonde this wig was. Also Achilles was deliberately cast as the shortest girl in the class (5’ 3).

Odysseus and Diomedes night mission had mission impossible music playing over it as we parkoured across the stage and peaked out behind curtains. They also have dialogue in which they constantly want to stab something

Paris never appears in the sequel but is dissed constantly

We couldn’t do any actual Patrochilles cause Catholic school but we settled for prolonged eye contact to My Heart Will Go On and long pauses after dramatic references to My Closest Companion

Achilles: I need my best bro friend! My life soulmate! My favourite cook!

Achilles in the tent with headphones on listening to All By Myself with mascara streaming down his face after Patroclus died

The facts that Agamemnon killed his daughter and Zeus and Hera are siblings is constantly just kind of dropped in with no context

Everyone’s costumes were mostly just lab coats tied over our shoulders with shared armour from the one girl that apparently had a closet full of Ancient Greek style plastic swords, helmets and breastplates.

We spent an entire class making a giant pink tv frame out of cardboard, paper and way too much sellotape for one joke that wasn’t even that funny. We named it Daniel.

Briseis was an American Girl doll.

The gods yelling at each other to try and pick teams and resulting in a slap fight with an announcement that it lasted 3 hours.

Thetis yelling encouragement from the side lines and calling Achilles her little crib lizard for some reason also she’s reading Song of Achilles in one of her scenes

[kerubimcrepin]

LIVEBLOG: Wakfu Season 4, Episode 13 [PART 1]

I wonder what Joris's opinion on Tristepin abandoning post is. It'e either "thank god I don't have two Iops to wrangle" or "well at least the the one that's less likely to be killed is here" or "FOR FUCK'S SAKE NOT THIS FUCKING GUY"

Stealth mission with an iop by your side sounds like a whole new type of hell on earth.

It's very brief, but at this moment (5:50 in the episode), we can see Joris and Goultard going up the stairs.

The demons in my head are, once again, telling me to keep screenshotting him.

Trying to get her out is a pretty delicate balance, considering his strength. Joris is probably quite aware of the possibility that he might accdentally hurt her.

There's no fucking way Joris doesn't want Goultard to die a gruesome, violent death.

He's imagining Goultard's face instead of the rock... Seething and malding in silence.

GET SCARED.

DIDN'T EVEN HAVE THE TIME TO DODGE. HEHEHEHE

at least he's a good teammate, when he's not calling Joris slurs as a joke.

Not him looking down at them. BITCH WORK!!

Once again, I am compelled to take screenshots. It cannot be helped.

I will be honest, the sudden influx of content where Joris and Goultard are portrayed as friends — like drinking together, or going on missions together — in the fandom has been very weird, because I think what became very clear in this season is that Goultard is an iop who treats people in an iop way (for iops it's just normal to roughouse each other) while Joris is a man who has been infantilized for 600 years, doesn't want to be friends with anyone except people who never question his intelligence (like Yugo and Amaliaa), and wants to kill himself whenever his height is pointed out. and also has 2 drinking buddies already (who shower him in praise at how righteous and heroic and smart he is).

Literally fundamentally incompatible personalities. Joris can barely stand to be here, and the only thing uniting them is "we're immortal and don't want the world to end". If he could, Joris would slip rat poison into whatever Goultard is eating or drinking — because he knows that while it will not kill him, it will make him feel Bad. 😭

Maybe I'm weird, but I don't really like it when characters' discomfort of being treated cruelly is taken as something cute or funny or a Friendship thing...

(Attention: I am not bashing anyone, but expressing my personal opinion)

DFGJSDFKLGHSDKJFGHDSFKJG

you can tell that Joris is not having a good time. he's at his fucking limit. first he let loose with a "if you only knew :) how many people :) have degraded me the same way :) for all my life :)" and now an explicit "SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!"

I really do think he's imagining Goultard's head here.

:)

As someone insane enough to have drawn maaany comparisons between Nora&Efrim and Joris this season, I think he has a soft spot for her by now. She's been through a lot...

And I think Joris understands what it's like, to feel guilty, because of something horrible happening — even if it's not necessarily your fault; besides that, I think they both have very closely matched temperaments — they're both introspective and a bit embittered.

In a kinder universe, Nora and Joris could have been besties. And Nora could have gone to his house for tea. The two of them could probably speak very quietly to one another about some interesting, sad things.

And then Kerubim could have a post-divorce stress disorder-related heart palpitations due to seeing a pink haired woman IRL inside his house unannounced.

Basically, I NEED NORA&JORIS FRIENDSHIP FANART HI?!

Basically: I have crazy levels of brainworms about this (and about Eva trying to sacrifice herself for her family, but there are so many screenshots in this post already...)

Of COURSE he'd stand guard for her.

I'm fucking CRAZY and INSANE.

HIS SMILE HERE!! HE'S SO PROUD OF HER!!! HE BELIEVES IN HER!!!!!!

[terramythos]

Its very funny for me to recall this but I used to be HEAVILY into neopets. back in the day people with really nicely named or painted pets would put them 'up for adoption' and require like, custom web page applications for them. Maybe people still do this, idk, but this was before you could legally 'trade' pets on the site.

I knew this lady who had some really great names (like common real words with fantasy undertones) on her pets and we were both frequent posters on the same off-site neopets forum. She was in her 30s and I was like 14 and we both were aware of this. Anyway she put one pet up for adoption and her requirements were insane, like it required huge writing samples and personal art of the pet and custom CSS coding for the app page and stuff like that to prove they really wanted the pet.

She asked me for feedback and I made an offhand comment that that kind of standard was a little ridiculous for a virtual pet on a kids website. We'd chatted before so I didn't expect a negative reaction, and like she'd asked ME for help so I was honest with her.

Anyway she completely flipped out at me. She started to leave angry or sarcastic comments on any post I made on the off-site forum for the next year or so. If she saw me post on the official Neopets chat boards she'd do the same thing. She led this campaign against me and insulted me to any mutual friends. She was fairly well known on the forum (I was too) so whenever she did special projects or anything she explicitly banned me from participating in any of them.

It was totally insane, she knew I was a young teenager and this was a full ass adult woman twice my age (and I have reason to believe she was truthful about her age-- she made a pretty sophisticated neopets fan site that required some professional understanding). I cannot stress enough this was for a minor negative comment on something that didn't matter on CHILDRENS WEBSITE NEOPETS DOT COM. This had to be mid/late 2000s by my reckoning.

After I'd moved on from the forum a couple years later and played Neopets less frequently she would STILL angrily comment on whatever Neoboard comments she happened to see me make. Like she did this for years. I don't think it was direct stalking because it was fairly random when it happened. I just ignored it.

She never even adopted out the pet, pretty sure what apps she received didn't follow the insane rules EXACTLY so she disqualified all of them

Now that I'm in my 30s I literally cannot imagine being that angry at a teenager. It's extremely funny what a loser she was. Like it was so beyond the pale it sounds like I made it up or am exaggerating. except I remember how upset I was being targeted and bullied by an adult for fucking years. I literally don't give a shit about it now but like I have to wonder how this woman copes with everyday life to have this level of obsessive hate for years over something a teenager said to her. Online. About a virual pet. So fucking bizarre, I have to wonder if she targeted others

[pupyuj]

wait why was the soft yujin ask actually so cute i neeeeeed to hear about soft dom ive always taking care of their gf in bed

this is a bit long cuz i included aftercare along w the sex so 😚😚 i went through several breakdowns writing this i love my girls.. my scrunklies.. my sillies...

gaeul is a service top IDCCCC 😤😩 maybe it's the unnie in her that just makes her want to prioritize your pleasure over her own,, esp if she gets way too busy to be with you :(( going from weeks to sometimes months without her bcs her schedule gets so packed, she feels so guilty about it as if it was her fault 😔 even when you reassure her that neither of you can do anything about it bcs she loves her job and you support her no matter what! and bcs of your never-ending support for her, she repays you by fucking you nice and well,,, she's kissing you everywhere, whispering how much she loves you, hits all of the spots that she knows feel good, and makes you come a lot but not too much so that you're not overstimulated and exhausted 🥺

aftercare consists of romcom movies, lots of forehead kisses, and cuddles! gaeul is small, yes but she insists on being the big spoon cuz it makes her feel like she's keeping you safe n protected, and that's really all she wants! 🥺

yujin knows alllll about love and care ofc! sure, most of the time, she's energetic and literally fucks you like she won't get to do it ever again but other times, she can be super gentle 🥺🥺 the pup showers you with praises while she's fingering you, says things like: "my baby's so pretty" and "doing so well for me, good girl" like she just wants to make you feel appreciated and special 😩 sometimes she fears that you think she's only with you for the sex, bcs the two of you do fuck a lot and it's very intense too but she wants you to know that she's with you bcs she loves you, so yeah she talks a lot during these times 😭 but her voice, her praises, and her kisses keep you from getting lost in pleasure bcs even when she's all soft and sentimental she still fucks you so good like holy shit this girl just knows you so well 🫠🫠

aftercare is yujinnie wrapping all of her limbs around you and keeping you close 😭😭 but ofc she's careful not to like, crush you or suffocate you sjdbfjosf she's threading your hair with her fingers, patting your back softly as a means to lull you to sleep.. she makes jokes too?? 😭 like maybe the two of you have gone silent but not asleep so she'll just say something funny and you'll burst out laughing,,, yujin loves your smile sm, she wants you to be happy foreverrrr 🥲

rei is always soft with you, she's a love maker dammit 😔 takes care of you like you're made of glass but that doesn't mean she's vanilla or anything . she knows how to fuck you, she just doesn't like to overwhelm you with it!! she's always asking if you're doing okay, if anything hurts, if you want her to stop or keep going . and tbh she's giving service top too, she's always aiming to make you feel good cuz ur her baby!! like, she also asks if you want her to go faster if it was what you wanted 🥺 and she warns you if she decides to fuck you harder.. saying it like: "it's going to hurt a little bit, baby... is that okay?" i cannot stress this enough SHE SO FUCKING CARESSS 😭😭😭😭 if you're feeling particularly needy on a certain day, you will literally have to assure rei several times that you won't complain if she just fucks you out of your mind bcs you want it, but she's so afraid of breaking you :((( but when you do give her the go... she can have you seeing the stars 😵‍💫

aftercare is reibear cuddling you from behind while holding hands 🥺 and she kisses your shoulder a lot, as well as the hand that's holding hers ☺️☺️ trust that the aftercare will last until the next morning sjfbfkf like rei's giving you breakfast in bed, combing your messy hair, and offering to help you in the bathroom SHE'S JUST.. SHE'S VERY GIRLFRIEND OKAY 🥹💔

wonyoung is very sub top to me, shes baby 🥺🥺 like she can fuck! she can fuck real good, but she's so in love with you that she just... she folds no matter what 😩 holding both of your hands while she's fucking you with a strap, leaning down and kissing you, and she talks a lot too!! always asking for permission and like, approval ... "does it feel good, unnie?", "am i doing good, unnie?", "are you gonna come yet, unnie? yes?", "can i go faster, please? i want to hear you" omggg kfkjnfdjdsjdfj 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫 baby definitely comes with you because seeing you fall apart and hearing the noises she brought out of you is really enough for her 🫠 but she keeps going . she continues on fucking you bcs she so wants to satisfy you, and in a way, she's satisfying herself too bcs if you're feeling great, she'll feel amazing 😩🫣

aftercare is just,, being held close to wony's heart 🥺 she has you laying on top of her, your head resting on her chest, falling asleep to her heartbeat and the random shapes she traces on your back with her fingers... says 'i love you' even when you're sleeping, kissing the top of your head, and getting lost in her head thinking about how much she really appreciates and loves you like my girl is LOVESICKKKK GET UP!!! 😩

unpopular opinion but liz is just as eager as a certain puppy when fucking you i will not be told otherwise!! she just loves feeling your warm cunt around her fingers and even better on her tongue!!! but lizzy understands that sometimes you get tired and just want to go about things slower... and she gets soooo emotional???? like she's fucking you and suddenly, she has a whole speech about how beautiful you are to her and it's just :((( SHE LOVES YOU OKAY . SHE WANTS YOU TO FEEL PRETTY BCS UR HER PRETTY GIRL!! <///3 liz loves to spoil you with compliments, she really does 😔 she tells you that every single part of you is so ethereal to her :( from your eyes, to your nose, your lips, every little scar, and even the parts of you that you think aren't worth acknowledging or complimenting but they are to liz bcs you're genuinely so perfect in her eyes 🥲🥲💓

aftercare is lizzy humming a lullaby to help you fall asleep 😩😩 she likes staring at you too, but ofc not in a creepy edward cullen way but in an oh-my-god-she's-so-down-bad way she needs help getting up too‼️‼️

[drarrily-we-row-along]

Coffee Date

"Sorry I'm late," Harry said, pressing a presumptuous kiss to Draco's cheek and bringing his chaos, and his busy-ness, and his charm bursting in with him.

"You're two minutes early," Draco replied, tipping up his chin a bit to hide how embarrassed and off-kilter the other man always made him feel.

Harry grinned at him, bright and open, dimples utterly devastating. "But I'm still here at least ten minutes after you, going by the state of your coffee." He reached over and tucked a strand of Draco's hair behind his ear, "Can I get you another while I get mine?" he offered.

"Decaf," Draco said, "please. If you don’t mind.”

“I don’t,” he replied with a wink, boyish and charming, and Draco wasn’t sure how he was meant to control the pitter-pattering of his foolish heart.

He watched as Harry chatted with the barista, making her laugh while she poured Draco’s coffee and made a sugary drink for Harry that hardly deserved the title of coffee. She handed him two chocolate croissants and he thanked her before levitating everything back over.

“Hi,” he said when he sat down and handed Draco his coffee and a croissant. “How are you?”

“I’m well, thank you,” he replied politely. “You?”

He quirked an amused eyebrow at him, “I’d be better if I hadn’t woken up alone in my bed.”

His cheeks heated and he could feel his face and neck staining a horrible , blotchy red from his blush. He tried to hide it by picking up his coffee to take a sip but feared it didn’t really do the job when Harry grinned even more widely at him.

“I’d planned to make you blueberry pancakes,” he added. “And mimosas, if you’d been so inclined.”

“Well, I didn’t want to overstay my welcome,” he said, a little sharper than he’d intended but Harry had always been annoyingly good at getting under Draco’s skin.

The other man set down his drink and reached across the table, covering Draco’s hand with his own. His face turned very serious, green eyes searching Draco’s. “I cannot stress this enough,” he said, “there is no possible way for you to overstay your welcome.”

He huffed and started to roll his eyes but Harry jumped in.

“I’m serious, Draco. I don’t have casual sex,” he said bluntly. “I’m demisexual, so by the time I want to have sex with someone, it’s basically a declaration of love.”

“You love me?” he asked incredulously.

“I literally told you that last night!”

He gaped at Harry, mouth opening and closing uselessly. “But things people say during sex don’t count!” he protested.

“Fine,” Harry huffed. “I’m fucking in love with you and if you don’t want your gasped ‘me too’ to count, that’s fine,” he said. “I can-”

“No!” he said, reaching for Harry’s hand as it retreated across the table. “I meant it,” he said, “Harry, of course I meant it.”

“Then why would you assume I didn’t?”

Shrugging, he looked down at where their hands were joined, “because you’re Harry Potter. You’re amazing, and kind, and funny, and charming, and anyone would fall in love with you. Everyone wants you-”

“I only want you,” he interrupted, brushing his thumb over Draco’s knuckles.

“Oh,” he breathed, searching his face for any trace of deception and finding none.

“Yes, oh,” he laughed softly.

He cleared his throat, “can we try this morning again?”

His smile returned, brighter than the sun, “I thought maybe you’d like to go to a movie with me,” he said. “Then maybe a stroll in the park, an early dinner, and then a night in?” he offered. “Then I’d be happy to try the morning all over again.” He squeezed Draco’s hand.

He smiled back, “that sounds good to me,” he whispered.

Harry brought Draco’s hand to his mouth and kissed his knuckles, “me too.”

—————————

Written for the @hdcandyheartsfest prompt “coffee date”

[mulders-too-large-shirt]

s5 episode 1 thoughts

bouncing. bouncing up and down. off of the walls. this episode was SO good. thank you. everyone say thank you, chris carter. thank you for fainting scully, tomato lover scully, doctor scully, crying mulder, plotting mulder, breaking and entering mulder, and for skinner in general.

but back to who i was before yesterday... allow us to return to past juni.

it’s been 800 years… (and by that i mean a week and 2 days have passed since i last watched an episode)

we left off in a pretty… precarious position. so i’m interested to see where things go from here. and hopefully they will be less stressful.

but i’m so happy to be back! i swear once i finish this show i’ll have to quit my job. there will be nothing to get me through LMAO.

it sounds like mulder is going to do some breaking and entering… again, fork spotted in kitchen

how the HELL did he fake his own death… this is giving sherlock!!

god, hearing her voice trembling again as she talks about identifying his body… i did not need to relive this pain!!

so we go back to him crying and watching alien stuff on his couch the night before her big meeting

“an act of faith began with an ineloquent certainty that my journey promised the chance not just of understanding, but of recovery” <- oh… so he admits to the whole thing being about healing…

and he says that he hoped finding the truth would reunite him with his sister, which i KNOW he was thinking all along, but hearing him SAY IT is still devastating; the way he never actually said it aloud before was very impactful, and so is his decision to break that vow of silence

“a belief which i now know to be false and uninformed in the extreme” <- NOOO please do not give up my king… i do not entirely believe this kritshcgau fool

he’s sobbing. he's so pretty when he sobs even if it is sad.

“my folly revealed by facts which illuminate both my arrogance and self-deception” <- oh no… i wanted him to Realize he was being Like That... but not in this way…

so he picks up the gun, saying it would be easier to end this journey if the pain had just been his own… and oh my god......

but then the phone rings… and it’s kritshcgau? he’s trying to explain that he might have been followed after leaving his apartment, but mulder does not give a FUCK LMAO

he wants to know who this man is and if they really gave scully cancer because of him. understandable.

he’s looking around for bugs in his room as he is warned of what’s going on…. and he finds one on the ceiling!! and not the insect kind, the camera kind!!!

mulder finds someone upstairs watching him on camera and burning stuff, but then this mystery guy picks up his shotgun and shoots mulder??? maybe?? it’s hard to tell??? strategic cutoff??

(i assume it’s shotgun guy from before, but frankly i don’t remember what his face looked like, so. listen! a lot can happen in a week and two days)

ah, it feels so nice to be watching the intro again. nature is healing… and by nature i mean me.

scully gets home at midnight, checking her voicemail… she starts to get undressed for bed

“keep going, FBI woman” <- WHAT THE FUCK. 

IT’S MULDER??? she’s soooo GAGGED LMAOOO THE LOOK ON HER FACE???? i’m howling 

MULDER BABY YOU CANNOT JUST SAY THAT WHEN YOU BREAK INTO SOMEONE'S HOUSE. BAD BOY (sprays with water) (sprays with water) (sprays with-

“mulder? what are you doing? why are you sitting in my bedroom in the dark?” <- a VERY reasonable question!!!!

he says there’s a dead guy in his apartment. she’s had ENOUGH of his shenanigans, and he clarifies that he is NOT joking

he had been under surveillance for at least 2 months!!!!! that is freaky omggg… god only knows what they saw him doing

he says that he can’t talk to anyone at the bureau because this whole hoax leads back to the FBI!!!

HOLD ON PAUSE. WHY THE FUCK DOES SCULLY HAVE A POSTER OF DIFFERENT TOMATOES ON HER APARTMENT WALL. HOLD ON I’M FUCKING CRYING. STOP. THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNY. oh my gooood. 

she saw a poster of tomatoes and said you know what? this would look FANTASTIC in my apartment. 

god, scully, you truly are the best character of all time. i had no idea you felt so strongly about the humble tomato. 

i cannot complain about anything else that happens in this episode, i’m out of breath from laughing. oh my god. this is gonna get me through so much. tomorrow i’m gonna go to work and a customer is gonna yell at me and i’m just gonna smile thinking about scully’s tomato poster.

i don’t even really remember what was happening. 

okay, right, so the guy whose apartment was above mulder’s, he was destroying records of himself calling the FBI. so who in the FBI was he calling?? and must it be the one who is behind all of this??

“i will not allow this treason to prosper- not if they’ve done this to you” he says <- OKAYYYY!!! protective man is in his protective mode 🔥 you truly do LOVE to see it. it’s almost as good as scully in doctor more but let’s be honest, nothing can ever beat that.

ohhh, he says they can lie back to them!!!! sneaky sneaky man... your fox-like nature is showing

so it was HIS IDEA to have her come and make the ID on his "body" even though it was false!!??

so she was ACTING in that meeting??? WAS SCULLY A THEATRE KID?? because she sold that for real!!!!

he’s going on about how he’s asking her to lie so they can find out who this enemy from within is….

scully runs into skinner after identifying the body, who asks if it’s true that mulder is really dead, and she lies, saying yes. he wants to know if she’s okay, and she pulls the “i don’t know what to say” card, which is entirely understandable.

he asks how she made the ID if he died from a shot to the head, so she says she saw him earlier that morning and he was wearing the same clothes. and there’s a look skinner has into the distance as he tries to determine how and why they would have seen each other before 6:30 am. like you could see the gears turning in his head as if he was saying omg, so they WERE together this whole time. it’s comical, in a way. 

which also leads me to wonder, well i’m no expert in these things, but if you know someone long enough, wouldn’t you recognize them even sans face? by body alone? 

he says he’s very sorry. and when she tries to leave he very sternly calls out “agent scully >:| section chief blah blah blah thinks you’re hiding stuff” (paraphrased obviously)

skinner looks SOOO suspicious of whatever she's plotting lmaooo. and he is right to be!

meanwhile, a very alive mulder is going to the department of defense to scout some advanced research using the dead guy’s ID!! ooooo high stakes, high stakes!!!! he's narrating that if they’re busted, they’re done for good!!

now scully is in the office with the section chief. and he’s talking about someone from the DOD giving her classified information. 

they ask her for information and she’s clearly hiding stuff…. but she identifies kritshcgau!!! omg i didn't think she was going to!!

uh oh… kritshcgau sees mulder in the DOD!! “hey! how’d you get in here?” “through the front door” <- lmao he can never be serious!!

kritshcgau tells mulder to come with him… is this a trap??? 

he’s gagged because that card gives mulder LEVEL FOUR CLEARANCE which i take is a BIG DEAL

yes, it is, because it would give him access to EVERYTHING!! even the thing he wants most of all… the cure for scully’s cancer!! you can see the tears forming in his eyes at the thought… oh man. ohhh mulder…

cancer man has burst into mulder’s apartment… now what are you doing here, you freak???

OHHHH he finds a photo of mulder and samantha on his desk when they were kids... ohhhh... my heart 😭😭😭😭😭

(there’s also some art on the wall of mulder's apartment that i can’t make the details out on. one piece seems to be some sort of pastoral scene with a sheep in it? and the other seems to be abstract. does anyone know what they are? i mean, it’s no tomato poster. but still)

CSM is actually crying seeing this photo and the blood he presumes to be mulder's on the carpet, and i don’t know if he feels genuine sadness or is just heartbroken his decades long alien colonization plan has been thwarted. honestly i do think he’s sad about mulder. he seemed to be in love with both mr. and mrs. mulder tbh, and that can do things to a guy. 

he finds the secret ceiling camera...

scully is in mulder’s office now, calling someone. she pulls out the phone number shotgun guy had been calling!! holly answers it and says she is so sorry to hear about what happened to mulder…. but scully has no time to talk about these things

who is this holly? how does she know scully? are they friends? i need the backstory.

scully… you are so beautiful…. holding this paper and calling holly on the phone, telling her when the calls were placed so she can track down who shotgun man called a million times…..

OH GOD!!! IT’S SKINNER’S EXTENSION!!!

scully looks devastated by this… but just as she begins to process it all, the scientist calls her back about the ice!! she has so much on her mind, please do not make her come look at some damn ice 😭

now, i do not believe that skinner is really behind all this. if he is involved at all, it is because he made that deal with CSM to try and save her... and maybe he was tricked, but he did NOT do it willingly!

kritshcgau and mulder are talking about level four, which apparently a place and not just a classification, and is home to medical facilities!! and vast quantities of DNA storage!! from every person who has ever given blood or tissue since ww2!!! 

damn that’s crazy. how tf would you even store all that?? it’s gotta be a warehouse.

he’s saying this is the hoax into which mulder was drawn…. the US fanned the flames of UFO stories to draw attention away from the whole “mutually assured destruction” thing, which, well, not sure how well that worked out 

OPPENHEIMER MENTIONED‼️him and that damn hat…

(actually still haven’t seen that movie btw. sorry i guess. idk. i’m busy)

KHRUSHCHEV APPEARS ‼️i love to see a familiar face from my textbooks in my TV programs. it's like a crossover event.

kritshcgau says the business of america isn’t business at all, it’s war. well yeah. that is true. and the cold war was an excuse to keep spending military money with no war. which i guess that sort of maybe tracks??

writing off korea and vietnam as just countries squaring off “a few times” is kinda crazy, but his point is: no one used the big bomb.

mulder asks what we are all thinking: what does this have to do with UFOs?

well, let kritshcgau tell you, son. after roswell, the more the government denied about UFOs, the more the public believed them, which was great timing for a country developing supersonic flight

oooo, he claims they almost got caught in korea, as they were accused of using germ warfare. but it’s nothing like what they have now, like what was used for the gulf war, developed in this very building! (said with a very dramatic flourish)

this is a lot of world building at a breakneck pace, and i don’t even know if i’m supposed to believe any of it. maybe some secret top percentage of the government thinks this is true, and the tiny syndicate knows it actually isn’t. that’s my best guess.

the abductions actually did happen, he clarifies, but not by aliens. hmm. a top secret project. well without aliens what's the point?

kritshcgau says it’s about DNA control. but for what purpose???

mulder asks, why make a whole fake alien body for all this then? and kritshcgau says because scully wouldn’t have been alive to disprove the alien body if their timing had been correct!!! so he would have believed it, then they could discredit him!

kritshcgau also says his son coming back sick from the gulf war is his retribution for going along with all of this, and he's thinking there’s a cure for him somewhere in there. well i think the whole gulf war disease and advanced cancer are very different. but maybe they both have secret cures?

off mulder goes, into level 4, taking one last look at kritshcgau, who is immediately apprehended by the DOD for questioning!!!! i feel that this will be the last we see of him.

cutscene to someone racing a horse?? is it bestie well groomed man?? and his many horses??

no!! it’s the department chair guy meeting with CSM!!! CSM is pissed that he didn’t know someone was watching mulder, but the chairman denies it.

he is even MORE pissed about being cut out of this project; “i CREATED mulder” <- okay so that is not putting out the “CSM is actually his father” allegations

chair guy says that mulder is dead

OHHH BUT CSM SAYS “i’ve never underestimated mulder. i still don’t” <- DAMN!!! that’s absolutely wild… i guess it’s important to know your opponent, and how willing they would be to fake their death, and if they could pull it off or not

(CSM angrily leaves)

back to scully at the ice core guy’s lab. and again, oh my god, she’s beautiful. no no no i don’t want to hear about fetal bovine serum. what the hell does that even mean. go back to her beautiful face.

he put the junk from the ice core in the serum... the cells were dividing… into somatic development?? the beginning of a life form. she looks shocked by this, but again. idk what that means!

bleugh, the ice core sample creature... it looks ugly…….

mulder’s snooping about the level 4 area, but the DOD people are behind him, and none of the doors have opened!!! he says that if they find the cure, it will mean for sure that he has believed in a lie from the start. well, i don’t think that’s true necessarily. i mean, the abduction thing could be from an alien-government collaboration, or aliens could still be out there, just not involved with this one thing, you know?

he picks a lock (okay!! crazy skyrim reference) and finds himself in a very dark room. and i am attracted to him. don't worry about it. anyway, whatever he sees seems to shock him???

cut to a TON of CGI aliens on cots LMAO WHAT???? just laying out n about 😭 it had to smell so bad in there… i imagine aliens smell very bad

now this alien closest to him has been lovingly crafted with practical effects, which is much better. so we can see his slime. that is not the part that is better, the slime visibility; its just that practical effects look more visually convincing in such a case

scully is narrating that she had no way to reach him and talk about their discovery of an unidentified life form. which is what happens when you fake your death and go in the secret medical facility of doom.

why is he TOUCHING the nasty alien body???? EUGH!!!!!!

scully is pondering if this thing she found in the serum could be the proof of an alien or the proof of a hoax… a lot of big questions for her to handle here 

he sees some flashing lights deep in the secret corridor, and follows it…. a whole lot of strobe light action going on in here. that stuff doesn't even bother me and i was like damn, that was a lot. i imagine it was much worse for the people who already have issues with bright lights.

she says that maybe this thing in the ice core sample is biologically connected to her cancer?? 

how does this connect to all of those half-alien, half-human people they found back in arizona??!!

beautiful man is looking through the window… 

OH MY GOD HE SEES A BUNCH OF WOMEN BEING SCANNED????? WITH BRIGHT FLASHING LIGHTS?? oh man.... WHAT IS GOING ON???? what are they DOING??

what did they call it before?? inducing mega ovulation?? yikes.

BLEUGH. i paused here as scully was getting blood drawn. i am woozy. how do they fake that for filming??

she needs a southern blot, btw. if that means anything to you. to compare that culture to her own DNA.

belaughhh. she needs the match before 7. he says we can’t do that.

“it’s got to happen. everything in my life depends on it” <- YOU TELL HIM!!!

he has no idea wtf that means but is taken aback by her seriousness

NOW WHY IS SKINNER WATCHING THIS????

OHHH SHE GOES OUT AND CONFRONTS HIM!! “is this more dirty work you’re doing for the DOD??” <- OHHHHH she is NOT HOLDING BACK

he says he has the tests from the body they found in mulder’s apartment on his desk; he knows it isn't him!!! and as she compounds the lies, she compounds the consequences!!!!

OHHHHH THAT WHOLE SCENE WAS SOOOOO JUICY I’M GONNA TEAR OUT MY HAAAAAIR

“all lies lead to the truth, isn’t that right?”

“and what about your lie, agent scully? what does it lead to?”

“the truth- about the men behind what happened to me, about my abduction and the tests, about being exposed to something against my will, about being put on a table and having something implanted in me and then having my memory stolen, only to have it returned along with a disease that i was given.” (ohh she was getting more and more furious as she said this and it was SO good)

“is that your justification? if that what you’re going to tell the joint panel tonight?”

“are you afraid of that?” <- OHHH her mocking and accusatory tone… i need it bottled

“well, considering the dead man in mulder’s apartment was murdered in cold blood and you willfully misidentified him, yes, i am afraid. but i’m only afraid for you” (<- and i do believe him, that he is scared to watch her proceed in this way, almost recklessly, even though it's calculated)

“you’re going to use that against me, aren’t you? you’re going to use me as i’ve been used all along- to preserve the lies”

“where is agent mulder?”

(she walks away)

WOOO baby, that scene was ACTING!! the tight closeups on their face was crazy, and it def could have backfired had they not been so freaking talented. every microexpression spoke a thousand words. i feel energized just watching it!!

jumping up and down. jumping up and down. we are sooooo back.

ohhh she goes into the lab herself to do the testing… in her lab coat… and her goggles… spinning the blood around… i’m faint…

meanwhile, mulder's walking through some weird pipes?? 

AUGH, there’s something IN HER BLOOD WATER, and she says it could be a connection between the conspirators and the cancer in her blood…. well to me it looks like a worm

he finds a new secret door and enters with a hand in his pocket, looking around... tension!!!

she’s ready to blow open this whole conspiracy!! ooooo you'd better stand back and watch it happen!

(they’re narrating all of this because this is a tv show and that is how an audiovisual media works, but i find it funny to imagine them speaking into a voice recorder as they describe their highly illegal activities)

he reaches the end of the mystery space and finds a ton of filing cabinets??? so he’s going to the scully file. he finds hers!!! it is a paper with a bunch of letters on it. which clears up nothing

and he pulls one out for kritschgau’s son as well!!! but it looks like his is blank???

someone from the DOD calls CSM to say that “scott” (mulder with the dead guy's ID card) made his way into the pentagon!! so he’s off to go find him. stay away from him, freak...

scully is rolling some sort of paper after soaking the mixture of stuff from her blood. you’re confused, i’m confused, i’m fascinated as to how this was explained for filming purposes, but here we are

“if my work with agent mulder has tested the foundation of my beliefs, science has been and continues to be my guiding light” <3

“now i’m again relying on its familiar and systematic methods to arrive at a truth- a fact that might explain the fate that has befallen me”

i love that she sees science as familiar and systematic; she really seems to be someone that values those aspects of stability, of knowing what can and cannot be true, and as the world grows more and more complex as they unravel the conspiracies, she turns to what she knows she can rely on. it reminds me in a way about how she values the comfort of a home, of the known, of what can be experienced and understood. she seems to thrive on that sort of knowledge, and i relate to it. something steady to keep her afloat, you know? it also speaks to her rigidity in following the rules. there is order and structure that maintains things, and that can be a great comfort, or a terrible hindrance if it is used for evil. but she, deep down, believes that there still is fundamental good. the rules, the science, the facts, the comfort of them all. it’s a terribly scary world; her biggest fear is what others are capable of. of course there is comfort in the known and the material. i like that a lot.

she hopes to match the virus from the mystery organism to the stuff in her cells, which would mean that her cancer has a cause, even if a cure is unknown! and maybe then they could find a cure to the virus thingy...? is this wishful thinking??

“if science serves me to these ends, it is not lost on me that the tool which i’ve come to depend on absolutely cannot save or protect me, but only bring into focus the darkness that lies ahead” <- hey. hey ouch. pain.

i refuse to consider such a possibility. there are too many more seasons ahead.

back to mulder in the labyrinth, looking for stuff that matches the numbers on her card. ough… why does his hair look so good…

anyway, he finds some sort of liquid

OH scully has done it!!! she’s mixed her DNA with the viral DNA from the cell!! oh, the ice core doctor guy is SHOCKED to learn that she has stuff in her that was also in the CANADIAN ALIEN MOUNTAINS!!

she explains that she believes she was exposed to this material that gave her an illness… and when he asks what kind, all she says is that it cannot be cured. damn. that was very dark.

so mulder finds this little vial of stuff with the specific numbers on it?? in a tiny tiny little bottle?

is it shots shots shots shots time??

he’s leaving from the pentagon, and in a voice over monologue, points out that he is as dependent upon her as she is upon him for the cure!!! as now she must convince the committee of her story!!!

she goes into the meeting room, bracing herself…. and she begins where we began in the last episode!!!! and now we know WHY she is reporting on the illegitimacy of his work!! ah, it is sweet relief to know there was no backstabbing between them

mulder is trying to sneak out… but his card swipe isn’t working…. and the military guys enter!!! 

can he play it cool?? can he beat them in a fight??? well, it FINALLY works, and one thing he can do is run!! and he manages to!!!!

GASP! CSM sees mulder leave, and says to let him go!! he seems almost relieved to see mulder alive and with this mystery liquid

and scully’s doing her oscar-winning performance about identifying a body. an absolute serve.

but skinner comes in just as she says this…. 

her eyes are filled with tears as she pulls out the evidence… (which is just two lines on paper, but you KNOW she is going to explain it)

and she notes that the whole thing was “planned and executed by someone in this room”, seeming to blame it all on skinner… oh my god…

OH MY GOD SHE’S STARTING HER PRESENTATION AND HER NOSE STARTS TO BLEED???

SHE FAINTS?????? and SKINNER CATCHES HER????

she looks at him and says “you…..” before passing back out <- WHAT DID SHE WANT TO SAY TO HIM??!??!?!?!?!

mulder is with the lone gunmen analyzing the mystery liquid…. and it’s water??

hold on, i had to rewatch her fainting and skinner catching her… how he starts to hold her face but stops himself… the way she says “you” so quietly… and then she loses consciousness again… oh my god… to be caught by the person she thinks is killing her… 

and skinner… i don’t believe for a minute that he is behind this. how hurt he must be at her accusations, his terror in watching her march ahead recklessly and lie to these people who would kill her in a heartbeat, and actively ARE killing her, and he was the one that made the deal with the devil to try and get this to stop happening, but what if he’s only advanced the work of the devil and got nothing out of it for himself…? and she doesn't even trust him!!!!

i rewatched that scene 4 times. and it was amazing during each of them.

and mulder… with his water… mystery water in vials… what can it do?? is it really just water?? why tf would the government hide vials of water with incredibly specific numbering deep in the pentagon. i don't buy it.

oh man, we are SOOOOOO back!!!!! i am bouncing off the walls. i cannot WAIT to learn what happens next. the angst here was EXQUISITE.

i’m such a sucker for angst involving mulder/scully and skinner. it’s going to get me EVERY time. over and over and over again. it just punches me in the gut. and all the other stuff punches me in the gut too, but this one has a certain je ne sais quoi factor about it; is it the mentor/mentee relationship of it all?? the way they care about each other but don’t know how to express it?? how they go from being willing to die and to kill for each other and then suddenly that trust is entirely removed, back and forth, back and forth? oh, it’s like CATNIP to me.

scully fainting and him catching is already going to be on my list of favorite moments, i know it, i know myself too well.

AUGHHHHHAUAGGHHHHRAUGGHHHHHAUGHHHHHH i LOVE THIS SHOW see it can be SO GOOD WHEN IT WANTS TO BE!!!!!!!!!

the trickery!! the plotting!! the deception!! the mysteries within mysteries!!! i still think the aliens are real though!! what are they doing with those women?? giving then alien DNA so they can steal their eggs to make alien babies?? what is that oil stuff in mulder?? and where does krycek fit into this??? and again, those half alien things in arizona?? don’t tell me!! don’t tell me because i am excited to learn!!!

YEAHHHHH!!!

[icanseethefuture333]

Can I have an post about NCT Mark's reputation in the industry or his ideal type? P.S You're legit look like a 90s superstar💌💖💖 don't be shy and drop your skincare routine please 🙏

WHY ARE NCTZENS BEING SO NICE TO MEEEE, THIS IS LIKE THE 2ND COMPLIMENT I'VE GOTTEN THANK YOUUU 😭💚 Ofc since we did TY Track I don't see why I can't do one for Mark 🦁

Mark from NCT's ideal type:

Qualities

I channeled: "Hmm... What do I like in a partner?" I think Mark hasn't really thought about what important qualities a partner should have and more so has thoughts about appearance or personality.

Mark would be interested in someone similar to him or someone with similar values, habits, or behavior as him, but with a more elevated mindset.

He could want to do date someone who is also a musician or a writer. I feel like Mark is curious about the twin flame dynamic? He could want to feel a connection with someone on a deeper level. Telepathy? Mark is wanting a partner who could read his mind and emotions so that way he doesn't always have to explain himself. Someone who is very aware and observant. A partner that eases his anxiety or relieves him of his everyday stress. He could also like if his partner was more optimistic and looked on the bright side of things because Mark can have a more "realistic" outlook on life.

Personality

I'm ngl... Mark has a toxic taste in partners LMAO 💀 I just feel that he wants someone who keeps him on his toes and he hates predictability. Like if his partner was too "normal" or too "stable", he's gonna hate that, he's gonna feel like he's the partner with the issues, so he wants someone that can be as imperfect as him. "It's more fun that way, no?"

I'm laughing pls 😭- "I'm not saying I want my heart broken, but if she's bad then she can take it [his heart]."

Mark really does not give a fuck 😂 (btw this is the first reading I've done for a celebrity where I cannot stop giggling??? He's so funny). He also wants someone who would like call him out on his bullshit. Mark doesn't want someone who's submissive or a pushover, "😁Feistyyy." It's giving: "I love the kind of woman that will actually just kill me"

Intuitively, I feel like Mark also has a lot of insecurity in his relationships as well. The partners who are healthier for him, he feels like he's not good enough for them, so instead he dates partners who are often unstable. It's okay to date someone who's more outspoken and dominant, but it seems like he's constantly attracted to partners who are too controlling towards him.

Physical traits

"Honestly I have a type. I'm not the tallest so I don't wanna date anyone who's like too tall but I don't mind the height too much. I like hair, the people I've dated their hair is pretty long and if they have short hair, it's gotta be like fluffy (voluminous is the word he was looking for)." Channeled songs: Trap Queen, 679, & Again by Fetty Wap

"I'm like "Hey, what's up? Hello" (Ayy)

Seen yo pretty ass soon as you came in the door

I just wanna chill, got a sack for us to roll

Married to the money, introduced her to my stove

Showed her how to whip it, now she remixin' for low

She my trap queen, let her hit the bando

We be countin' up, watch how far them bands go"

"Baby girl, you're so damn fine, though

I'm tryna know if I could hit it from behind, though

I'm sipping on you like some fine wine, though

And when it's over, I press rewind though, ayy

You talking bands, girl, I got it

Benjamins all in my pocket

I traded in my Trues for some Robins

He playing Batman, Fetty's gon' rob him, ayy

I got a Glock in my 'Rari, ayy

17 shots, no .38"

"I want you to be mine again, baby, ayy

I know my lifestyle is driving you crazy, ayy

But I cannot see myself without you

We call them fans, though, girl, you know how we do

I go out of my way to please you

I go out of the way to see you

I ain't playing no games, I need you"

Oh he's a giverrr 😝. Mark wants for his partner to look good, so he'd go out of his way to pamper them and spoil them. Like "oh baby you want your nails done? I got youuu 😌". He likes to show off his partner. I heard "I want that Beyoncé and Jay Z love." (😭💀 Mark go sit tf down please). I love the energy tho fr.

He's mentioned girls a lot + all 4 cards are women, so he has a obvious preference towards the female gender.

Long hair

Thick, voluminous hair

All hair textures (straight, wavy, curly, etc).

Varies from pale, medium, deep, or brown skin tones.

Girls with a "mean" expression or resting bitch face (🤨😠😒)

Feline beauty

Arched eyebrows

Horizontally wider eyes

Prominent features (big nose and big lips)

Likes lipstick or lip gloss ("Juicy lips")

Someone who plays hard to get (as in a tsundere, basically acts like they don't want him but secretly does)

Shoulders and collarbones

Pretty hands

Nice ass

Likes jewelry? Rings and earrings to be specific.

Something about fabrics is coming up, so Mark could like when women wear flowy dresses or like those sheer beach cover ups.

Instagram baddie style is very apparent here.

Soft glam makeup (U.K? Black London baddie makeup. Latina makeup coming up as well.)

Mixes luxury with casual

Long acrylic nails

High heels

Painted toes

I am being reminded of that song that goes "Ion want no barbie, I want me a bratz doll "

Bratz doll type of beauty

Celebrities/influencers who are similar to his ideal type:

Juliana Nalu, Ashley Nicole King, Kali Uchís, Camo, Jordyn Woods, Yarastargal, Mia Owens, lisajn37, amandaa_solis, Cindy Kimberly, asiaeros, bbv_g6rl, 200120_01, & bybrokelle

[dickpuncherdraws]

okay hello this is kind of a long-winded story but your most recent zukka yuri reminded me of it

so i was in some kind of online lesbian situationship with this girl we'll call R, we tried to meet up irl like three separate times but one or both of us had to cancel each time. ANYWAY, over the summer i was rewatching atla and getting really hyperfixated on it, and i would send R these really rambly voice notes about it and she would respond despite having never seen the show. and like. i started shipping zukka

not really in the zukka fandom anymore (not because i don't like it or anything, just bc i've been swept up by a load of other hyperfixations lmao) but at the time i was a REALLY BIG FAN. like i was planning an entire rewrite of the show where sokka and zuko were girls. like it was severe. then miraculously i found your blog, the holy grail of zukka yuri. i sometimes sent some of your art to R just for fun on like whatsapp and shit. we kind of bonded over it??

then, christ. we had each other's adresses bc we were going to send each other christmas/birthday cards. i cannot stress this enough: CARDS. like i was fully certain on my bday i was getting a lovely CARD from R. so you can imagine my surprise when i got an entire package from another country. and like at first i was really excited bc in what crazy world does the girl you like send you a birthday present from abroad? then i opened it.

sitting on top of 2 novels was a cut out, on shitty A4 printer paper, of butch zuko.

i opened this in front of my MOTHER.

so i metaphorically shat myself, laughed the art off like "haha R must think i really like zuko! aha. ha" and then had to be normal while looking at the 2 entire novels she had sent me along with like a collage of magazine cutout flowers??? which was really beautiful but also a lot???

anyways, we're not really together anymore. the spark kind if just fizzled out.

but i just wanted to say sorry bc R probably didn't pay for a print or anything so chances are you didn't profit from this shenanigan which is a tragedy tbh.

i don't think R will ever see this but if she does... dude that was like the funniest thing to ever happen to me. in hindsight. at the time i had never been so embarrassed in all my life. lots of love? ❤

your art is amazing mr dickpuncher. yuri on.

sincerely,

anon

THIS IS SO FUNNY HELP 😭 the shitty printer paper cutout of butch zuko im fucking dead. bro i could never be mad about that LMFAO if anything i am so honoured that my art is being used to enable lesbian situationships 😌🫶🏽

[bite-the-bloody-hand]

Owlcatober 1 - Teatime [Part 1]

I'm a little stalled but I love where this is going, so have the first half of Teatime, featuring Zell's Terrible, Horrible, No-Good Very Bad Morning. Please forgive the formatting.

Teatime [Part 1]

He should have known this was coming. All the signs had been present, after all, but he’d ignored them. Surely it was just the stress of his new appointment; a few sleepless nights; endless threat of demonic incursion; so on and so forth. Nothing he couldn’t handle.

Yet of the many trials and challenges that had been presented to nascent Knight Commander Zell Hellsing during the first insane few weeks of his new job, there was nothing old or new in the world of Golarion that could compare to his two most ancient and beloved of nemeses: His own Hubris and The Fucking Sun.

Hubris, ever the sly fair weather friend, had convinced him that the cramping muscles, irritation, mania, and general malaise of the last day or so had just been simple exhaustion. They had been out on the road a few days too long, so what? He could muscle through it, no problem. No absurd dreams of being dragged through bloody battlefields, bloody streets, or bloody portals could keep him from his many…. Many many tasks. Hubris had whispered its sweet poison into his ear and he’d gladly tilted his head for a little more. Like a moron.

Then there was The Sun. Beloved giver of life. Beloathed stabber of eyeballs. It was through the small seam at the southeastern facing corner of his tent that the evil little assassin, the wicked beam of light entered. Cruel, wretched light, enemy of his similarly wretched vampire progenitor but most importantly, right now, his enemy because it was really making his head hurt.

Surely it was just the sun and not the everything else. He would kick himself about the hubris later.

There was a rustle, bootfalls that somehow thundered against the sod and straw floor, and the sudden Knowledge that the command tent was now flooded with early morning light. He then heard Anevia’s fist rapped against the partition screen propped next to his bed. He could feel the twin pressures of sunlight and Anevia’s gaze upon him.

“Mornin’ report! And since when are you a past-dawn layabout, not even up and stretchin’ yet?” her voice was so marvelously cheery, and usually so very welcome to help start his day. Zell covered his eyes with his blanket and groaned pitifully.

“Anevia. Death is here.”

“Well shit, boss, that sounds like a big problem for the Crusade.” A light rustle as she dropped a sheaf of papers on his desk. “Not much today really; Wilcer’s got that herd o’ horses you ordered all ready for inspection, and we’re still workin’ on opening up the road between here and Leper’s Smile.”

“I’d love to hear the history on that name sometime,” Zell mumbled. Of course Wilcer would have the horses ready now, when he is least able to appreciate them. Another little trial. “Anyway, wicked sun,” he grasped in the air for the words he wanted, landing eventually on something close enough. “Finally has come claimed me.” Anevia made a sympathetic noise.

“I don’t have a funny comeback for that one that wouldn’t be a little too mean this early in the morning, I think.” Zell heard her move to the tent door, and the leathery sound of the tent flap dropping down into place. The pressure of the light eased. “Bad headache?”

“Kill me.” “Come on, you know I can’t do that. We’d have to do the choppin’ and the burnin’ and bury your parts at crossroads and it would be a whole thing. Nobody’s got the time.” Zell scoffed, immediately regretting it. “I – ugh - can’t believe you, of all people, cannot be writing ‘put poor Commander out of his misery’ to your schedule.” “Believe it or not, Boss, but I’m a busy gal.” “But so much faith I have in you…”

“And speaking of I’ve gotta get scouting, since the only news right now is your horrible impending demise, unless someone can brave the sixty paces to the healer’s tent to get you the good tea.” She paused, and from the soft creak of her boots and rattle of the screen, he could all but see her peeking over the partition at him. Her voice went soft in a way he wasn’t sure he’d heard before. “I’ll see about getting any crazy stuff sent to Beth first, so you can try and rest a little, okay? You’ve been working pretty hard, by Knight-Commander standards.”

“This Crusade is nothing without you, Anevia,” he sighed in gratitude. As long as he could make it to the healer’s tent, he could count on Anevia to keep her word.

“Don’t I know it,” she replied, before taking her leave.

Zell lingered in the dim silence of the command tent a few moments longer, weak to the knowledge that the second he started to stand up, his head and stomach were really going to start with the nonsense. But stand he must, so stand he did. Slowly. With extreme caution, pushing himself up by meager degrees until he was sitting upright. The bright buzzing angry pressure in his head turned into a wave crashing bright spots against the inside of his skull, while his stomach turned elegant flips in accompaniment. If he were in a more poetic mood he could have gone on about the sensations, how uniquely beautiful and awful they were, but in the moment he felt like boiled ass on dirt and couldn’t think of a pretty word to save his life.

So he forced himself to his feet and wrapped his blanket around his head and shoulders as a makeshift shroud. With great effort he pushed himself from the end of his cot to the end of the partition screen, stumbling from it to the corner of his desk. He tripped, cursed, and stumbled forward to the tent flap, grabbing the canvas to keep himself from falling. The whole tent shook violently for a second but stayed intact. Zell cursed again and righted himself, dragging the makeshift hood over his eyes just in time to avoid a sudden slash of bright sunlight across his face.

“Sir?” A voice he recognized punched him in the ear. He stumbled and forced himself not to hiss. It was just one of the lads that always lingered around the entrance of the command tent, no need to lash out. “Can I assist?” “No, no, I have this,” he said, waving the boy off. He could barely think it was so bright, even with the blanket making a deep hood to shield him.“I make for the healing tent. Not an emergency.” “Oh, well, but Sir I-”

Please child by the name of whatever God you hold holy I will bite you if you speak again, Zell’s head throbbed like something disgusting. “Not emergency,” he growled, teeth snapping in irritation. The lad shrunk back, hands up as Zell pushed past him. “I tell you when emergency.” He left the boy behind him, stuttering.

It wasn’t really that long a walk. He’d made the trip both mildly hungover on demon blood and while still aching from a poison he’d accidentally forgotten about. This was doable. Allegedly. In some world, in another world that was not the one which he currently occupied, the task was doable. In those other, beautiful worlds, his head was not already splitting apart from the force of its own willpower. In those worlds, walking past the blacksmith would be such a little, trivial task.

Each ring of the hammer echoed between his ears and tilted the ground beneath him, making his stomach churn. He barely caught himself on a tentpost once he cleared the causeway beyond the Smithy’s tent, shuddering as his knees nearly gave out. He had to be more than halfway there, surely. No other terrible obstacle could keep him now.

“What party did you not invite me to that you are this hung over?” A voice just behind him demanded. He caught a glimpse of a warped golden glow at the edge of his hood and snatched it back down before the reflection of Count Arendae’s halo could blind him.

“Not hungover, just headache. Anyway you’d crash if you weren’t invited, I know this.”

“Hm, true. You sound wretched.” Daeran announced, without a hint of sympathy as he came closer to investigate. “Why ever are you attempting to stumble around on your own?”

“Getting tea. Headache tea from healer’s tent.”

A pause. Then Daeran asked, in a tone that was usually reserved for very small, slow children, “Why didn’t you send a squire to get it for you?” Zell considered the question. Rather he realized that he hadn’t considered that at all. “What… do you mean.” “You know, the lovely young men and women that linger about the front of your tent, waiting to run small errands at your beck and call. One of the magnificent perks of gaining the title of Knight Commander of Mendev’s Crusade.” A terrible silence settled between them.

“That is many words, you have just said to me.” “So you forgot about the squires.” “...Head is stupid right now,” Zell grumbled. Daeran stifled a laugh.

“The tent is to your left,” Daeran supplied.

Zell turned, and felt a light tap on his shoulder.

“Your other left, Commander.”

Zell grunted his thanks and turned in the proper direction. After a moment of stumbling, he caught the red-lined edge of the healer’s tent in his field of view. Finally.

“Anything else I can do to help?” Daeran asked, though the lilt of his voice suggested his help would extend little further than guiding Zell to another, less ‘busy’ healer. But he had followed, which was an interesting detail he would forget to think about for several hours. “Yah , do me an favor and cut my head off,” Zell muttered, fumbling with the door flap to the Healer’s tent. He felt Daeran nearly run into him as they entered the tent together. There was a momentary pause. He thought he heard Daeran clear his throat, but the sound seemed a little off. “We’ll save that for after you’ve won the Crusade and the Capitol decides to convict you of war crimes,” The Count eventually replied, his voice airy. “You’re such a good friend.” Zell pressed at the sides of his head, grasping at the back of his neck. Something popped; a tiny bit of pressure released. Thank goodness it was so much darker in the healer’s tent, it made thinking a little easier.

A sudden jolt of realization hit him. He groaned, pulling his hood over his face and down his chest until he was less a man than a walking stupid blanket.

“For the fucking sake of pity, Daeran, be angry at me. That was the most meanest stupid shit thing I could say just now.” He doubled over in misery as another lance of pain hit its mark.

Daeran responded to his apology with a laugh that came out loud at first but he caught himself, dampening it down to a deeply amused chuckle. “Please, Commander, apologizing after such an excellent barb? I suppose I shall accept, if you would rather your venom be intentional. Cot to your right.”

Zell turned, then felt another light tap on his shoulder.

“Your other right.”

He turned the opposite direction, shuffling slowly until he felt his knees hit the edge of a bed.

“Who is that under – Commander?” He heard Sosiel’s voice nearby and stumbled slightly as he turned to sit. Oh of course it would be him, and not the other one who was always there. Of course.

“Kind healer I beg your indulgence,” Zell croaked, not obviously attempting to look pathetic but doing a great job of it anyway. “I was told you have the good tea for the headaches brought by the sun.”

“Oh, certainly,” Sosiel paused, slight confusion in his voice. He was also probably wondering why Zell hadn’t just sent for a squire, but at least he was too polite to say anything about it. Instead he addressed Daeran. “And you, Count Arendae? I hardly suspect you need my assistance?” “Oh, I’m just here because misery loves company,” Daeran replied. Zell felt his weight settle down next to him on the cot. “And of course performing my duties as field advisor.” “By doing what, pray tell?” Daeran waved his hand in a vague gesture. “I advised Commander Hellsing on the field placement of this very tent, and quite competently I might add.”

“Lost without you,” Zell mumbled truthfully. He debated the merits of pushing Daeran off the cot versus just using him as a convenient pillow, but eventually decided either one would be far too much effort. Instead he hunched into himself, the blanket billowing around him to looks something like a nest. Zell heard the rustle and clatter of herbs being prepared; smelled the sharpness of ginger and the green acerbic bite of willow bark. Then came peppermint and mallow; Sosiel was definitely not skipping out on the good stuff. The scent alone was enough to start settling his stomach.

“Thank you for taking the time, Sosiel,” he murmured, wishing he could at least look the man in the face with his thanks. Though perhaps he hadn’t noticed-

“I was beginning to worry I had made you uncomfortable somehow, and you wouldn’t come to me for help,” Sosiel replied. His voice was kind, but Zell didn’t have to be functioning to sense the hurt in his words. Zell flinched, ashamed.

“You noticed I am er... avoidant,” he admitted. He had tried so hard to be polite, rebuffing Sosiel’s offers for help not out of some misplaced projection but because he “didn’t need it.”

He did not address in the moment why his own thoughts felt the need to emphasize - with deep sarcasm - his insistent lack of need.

“I did, I thought perhaps after the incident at Martyr Zacharius’s Cemetery, that I had done something in particular to put you off…”

Zell felt his heart clench. He had been unkind to Sosiel for no reason. Alas, in a better mindset a more elegant explanation may have come to him. In lieu of that...

"No, it is not your fault. You just...” He grasped for the right combination of words, flailing until he landed on “...remind me of my... ex." The final word ended in a hiss that was part confusion, part embarrassment. Not that it wasn’t the right word, he just didn’t want to have had said it ever.

Daeran snorted inelegantly next to him.

Zell grimaced. No, that was a stupid way to put it, He had to explain it better. "Not really ex, more like. His boss had him string me along because I,” he gestured to himself, again at a loss for words. “Asking questions." Oh yes, that was much better.

He heard the soft clatter of the kettle being rested on its trivet. Sosiel responded, "You're saying I remind you of this person?" Zell could hear the good-natured humor in Sosiel’s reply. At least he didn’t seem to have taken it personally.

"Of his persona! His front. He was very-" he waved a hand, gesturing at where he imagined Sosiel stood. "Like you, but about Sarenrae. Devoted."

"Devout?"

"That's also that one yes. And like you he healed us, and very much was handsome as well. It's the good things I think of, I promise." Zell pressed his fingers to his temples. The pulsing whine in his ears felt almost like laughter. Or maybe that was Daeran. Who could say. "I did not mean to be so clumsy in saying it. My head makes me stupid."

“I see,” Sosiel chuckled. “It is nice to know that I wasn’t being avoided for anything I’d done, though I was a bit curious.”

“I am an ass, unworthy, please forgive me,” Zell apologized through another wave of nausea.

“He’s so precious when he’s contrite,” Daeran quipped. “All patients should be so easy, wouldn’t you say, Brother Sosiel?”

“There is no need to apologize,” Sosiel’s voice was firm, though he was still clearly trying not to laugh. “Besides, what kind of Cleric would I be if I showed any less grace than you to our beleaguered friend, your Lordship? Commander, drink this-”

Zell felt Sosiel’s hand close over the back of his own, steadying it to accept a warm wooden mug. The sharp scents of ginger and peppermint floated up into his hood; he breathed them in with gratitude, grasping the mug with both hands. Whatever sharp reply Daeran gave Sosiel was missed as all of Zell’s attention centered on the warmth and the smell.

[queenbeehistoria]

sweet girl — historia's daughter

notes | i was having brain rot about historia's daughter. she is actually so adorable, and i find it a crime that there is barely anything about her. this is yumihisu centre as well. and to make things for fun, this is set in the 2000s. my girl is an early 2000s baby.

tip: the underline means a link :)

historia named her baby girl after her half-sister, freida.

ymir didn't come around until freida was three. ymir "can't stand kids" but the second freida comes up to her, ymir is so quick to play with her

freida was a barbie girl. she got anything barbie related. ymir tried to get her a bratz doll, but freida kept trying to eat the shoes.

she couldn't get polly pockets either because she tried to eat the clothes on multiple occasions.

one in a million is historia and freida's song. whenever freida's upset, historia just turns that song on & starts singing to her.

my girl is ymir & freida's song.

until the end of time is THEIR SONG. ymir and freida would be dancing to it & then historia comes in to check up on them. ymir just gets all soft and dances with her two favorite girls

ymir dances with her in the living room singing my girl, and the biggest smile comes across freida's face

miss freida was SPOILED.

freida would point at something & ymir would be like "you not getting that." (she is)

historia would just ask freida why she wants it before getting it for her

do NOT separate that girl from her momma

freida will scope the scenery & if she do not see blonde hair & blue eyes, she will start crying

eren, mikasa, and armin babysat freida. this girl do not like eren. eren pick her, she don't even cry. she just gives him this mean ass stank eye. she basically be telling him "put me tf down" in babbles

she's okay with mikasa because they have tea parties & play dolls.

when the eremikamin first babysat freida, she started crying like twenty mins in because she started to realize her mom wasn't there. eren & mika tried to calm her down but nothing was working. freida looked at armin, stopped crying, and just ran to him like "mama!"

the same thing happened when the titan trio watched over her.

berth makes her feel like a giant whenever he puts her on his shoulders. playing wise: she likes bertholdt the most. she always asks for ups when she's with him

THIS GIRL CANNOT STANDDD REINER

freida would be talking in her toddler speech but when reiner even brings his big ass hands near her to pick her up, you'll hear the clearest "NO!"

and when she lets him pick her up, she starts crying immediately and doesn't stop until he puts her down.

eren gets the stank eye, reiner gets the stank face. he can't play with her or nothing. like he would try to play dolls with her and she would snatch them away. she do not like that man 😭

freida starts crying because her mom isn't there. annie comes out of her room & freida sees her. she immediately sprints to annie saying "mommy!"

annie confused as fuck because she is not this girl's mom but she goes along with her.

freida is literally a parrot. people have to watch what they say around her because she WILL repeat it if it sounds like something fun to say. so, historia & ymir try not to curse around her

connie did NOT catch the memo. he was watching freida with sasha & connie. funny enough, she lasts longer & with the trio that doesn't have blonde hair or blue eyes. like they're her favorite.

connie said: "you were an ugly ass baby, but you're adorable now." freida smiled and yelled out "UGLY ASS!" over and over.

when freida learns a new word, she just repeats it over and over. like that word is on loop. so connie had this baby yelling 'ugly ass' on repeat

sasha tried to distract her by asking her to say words like flower, puppy, etc. it lasted for like three seconds before freida started cursing again.

connie accidentally said fuck & shit. freida looked at him before spamming "FUCK SHIT!" jean was stressed out.

they managed to get her to stop the cursing. historia & ymir come home & everything seems fine. historia picks freida up. it's fine until freida looks at historia & goes "mommy, mommy! FUCK SHIT!"

levi, hange, and erwin is freida's least favorite babysitters. hange is fun but she loses freida all the time.

levi & erwin will have her watching crashbox ALL DAY. crashbox is fun but when you watch it all day, every day? and they be having her watch them pbs documentaries too. just education all damn day. like why are you trying to teach toddler multiplication.

babysitting chronicles aside, freida had princess themed bday parties.

like i said, my girl was spoiled so she had them big, poofy dresses with the big ass cake too.

bday parties was the only time freida allowed reiner to come over and be around her. still not allowed to pick her up though.

freida does this thing where if historia & ymir don't like something, SHE doesn't like them either.

the whole reason why freida doesn't like reiner is because ymir doesn't like reiner. and it's the same thing with eren. all ymir said was "i don't like eren that much." freida's mind said fuck eren too.

freida had those big ass barbie dream houses as a kid. she had the trailer too.

freida also had one of those cup things where you could put food in it

ymir tried teaching her spanish. freida only knows a couple words.

freida wanted to be like hitch growing up. miss dreyse was literally the girl with the apple bottom jeans & the boots with the fur. she had that shit ONNNN

when she met hitch for the first time & she wore a pink juicy tracksuit, freida knew who she was at young age

hitch gave freida makeovers all the time

and she brought her toys. them barbies was dressed DOWN.

freida got hella outfits but when ymir dresses her, she got her out here looking like fucking soulja boy.

ymir & historia was freida's first introduction to love. seeing them just be in love was special to freida. she always thought her mom deserved the love she seen in the movies, a fairytale love. freida had never historia more happier than when she's with ymir. that alone made freida believe in true love.

[camels-pen]

completely unrelated thought to literally anything i've been doing today:

canon Sanji getting swapped with a Sanji from a genderswap AU. key point is that everyone's p much the same personality wise

there are crises going on. but mostly for canon Sanji lmao

this includes:

Luffy still likes to walk around w/ an open shirt

Franky also still likes to walk around w/ an open shirt

Usopp, guess what, also likes to walk around w/ an open shirt

granted, Usopp at least wears crop tops sometimes

Brook looks pretty much the same except for speaking mannerisms / voice pitch; startles the hell out of Sanji bc he keeps expecting it to be his Brook until a Skull Joke comes out of those chuckling teeth

The knee jerk reaction to Robin and Nami keeps crossing wires- one moment Sanji will just register a guy in his peripheral but not who he's speaking to and cuss and complain and shit. then the realization will kick in and he'll be caught up trying to apologize, but then wondering if he does need to apologize because uh, Nami and Robin are guys here right?? and they're not his Nami and Robin, but at the same time he can't just be rude to Nami and Robin-

he ends up staring into space for a while thinking in circles about it

Zoro is now of the gender he typically dotes on

"H-Hey, Moss-chan-"

"Don't call me that"

"Right. You want a smoothie?"

"I'm not gonna fuck you."

Usopp is the easiest to dote on, followed by Chopper, Franky, and Luffy. funny thing is, aside from Zoro, none of them have complained about/refused said doting. Sanji is reassuring himself that his list doesn't mean anything. he's not falling for Usopp just because of a pair of tits. that'd be ridiculous. after all his Usopp has got plenty big tits already-

he slams his head into a wall trying to forget that thought

also. he has no outlet for any frustration/anger/overwhelming feelings because he's got his code of chivalry thing. so he can't fight Zoro and he doesn't want to fight Robin or Nami. he starts smoking more to compensate, but then he either runs out or Chopper intervenes and gets him to promise to limit his use

in short. suffering.

This Nami and Robin do notice though & while Nami very much does not want to fight Sanji on account of, yknow, not wanting any broken bones or terrible injuries, Robin on the other hand-

He knew it'd help Sanji and it'd be nice to have a sparring partner to practice the more deadly things he can do on someone who can handle it, so he's kinda like "if it'll help, i don't mind sparring"

Sanji is caught between "oh fuck yes, finally someone to kick" and "I CANT HURT ROBIN-KUN"

the sparring ends up very pathetic on Sanji's side of things- think his fight with Kalifa but without him trying to bluff and looking openly stressed- Usopp listens to Sanji's woes about it later while she tinkers on inventions lmao

Usopp is also oddly clingy with Sanji, more so than his own Usopp. However, Sanji doesn't even bother thinking about it, just happy to soak up all the affection. He always has some sort of crisis thinking about his own Usopp later though.

Zoro, and I cannot stress this enough, is a woman. a buff, sweaty, mossball of a woman.

so yeah, suffering.

fem sanji, on the other hand:

having the time of her life

proud bisexual woman going "dear god, so many hot guys- wait shit, is that mosshead"

starts getting "overly friendly" with Usopp- laying his head in her lap, playing with his hair, carrying him around, calling him pet names, making him special snacks, etc.

everyone else puts it together real quick, except Usopp. who doesn't realize the answer until fem Sanji gives him a goodbye kiss on the cheek before going to prep for dinner

The answer: fem Usopp and fem Sanji are dating

fem Sanji: he's Usopp, therefore he's my partner in this flipped world, therefore I gotta treat him right while his own Sanji isn't here

Usopp wants to tell her the truth. but also. doesn't.

he is a mix of guilt and happiness every time he doesn't speak up and gets some gesture of love from her

in conclusion: one way or another, there is suffering all around <3

[utilitycaster]

Fighter Breakdown Tracker, episode 3x78

Welcome to what was originally an opportunity to talk about the myriad wizards (not Myriad wizards, a separate concept) of Campaign 2 that occasionally gets co-opted into other things when the thought arises. Anyway, obviously the main event was the Barbarian Breakdown and, relatedly, the Party Breakdown, due to their Communication Breakdown, giving Allura Vysoren specifically her 19th Nervous Breakdown, but I've already talked a lot about Ashton. How are the fighters doing?

As a reminder: characters are included on the basis of 1. are they a fighter, 2. are they remotely relevant to this campaign, and 3. do I have something funny to say about them. I cannot stress enough how important item 3 is in the decision process; do not make requests, my muse speaks to me and that is how the characters (and, to be honest, classes) are chosen.

Cassandra de Rolo: Yes! According to the Tal'Dorei Campaign Setting (not reborn) she's multiclassed into fighter! Anyway that plan to go to the ziggurat went well, huh? totally normal and great. I like to think that due to her rogue levels she saw Fearne march down the ziggurat steps and just peaced out and has been chilling in Pike's little cabin ever since. 4/10: normal "is the world ending" concerns but otherwise she's having maybe the best day anyone on the Whitestone War Council can.

Jarett Howarth: he's specifically avoiding Bells Hells because motherfuckers keep teleporting from Marquet and not bringing any fusaka. This, plus normal "putting the Pale Guard on a war footing and also there's a really mad goat lady in the garden" bumps him up to a 6/10.

Orym: my serious thoughts about the space made for Chetney, FCG, and Imogen to step up aside I honestly think the semi-joking narrative of Orym going off in a huff and working out his feelings quite literally via the power of elaborate bodyweight calisthenics of the sort that grant you 20 Dex and 10 Str would be good for him. Allow yourself a little pettiness, Orym; it's good for the soul. 5/10 because I don't fucking know; we'll see next game.

Ariks Eshteross: I hope he's at peace and buried next to his love as requested; I still haven't gotten around to making those cookies actually and frankly I've had much more of an eye on the gunpowder tea shortbread. 0/10; I like to think he has found true rest.

Bertrand Bell: These motherfuckers have not visited the grave of their namesake at ALL. Traipsing around the Raven Queen's temple - literally everyone but Laudna and FCG has wandered over to that corner of the city - and NO ONE has taken a moment to pause and reflect. He died as he lived: everyone kind of setting him aside for more important matters except for followers of the Raven Queen. 8/10 because hopefully he was entertained by the raven show that got put on but also, come on man you couldn't stop by at all?

FRIDA: I have to imagine things in Vasselheim are wild and it's going to be missing FCG hours, but at least they're in great company! 5/10; they're a pretty even-keeled robot all things considered but the situation is pretty tense.

Otohan Thull: My sole regret about how great this episode is and the fact that we're dropping into the Fey Realm for a bit to have some much-needed time to regroup is that we are likely delaying their richly deserved demise. Anyway everyone's beloathed Palpatine knockoff is unfortunately super unflappable; another reason why they are boring as shit and why I very much want Bells Hells to make the bridge a little bit bloodier on the way up. 3/10.

Percival Friedrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III: Here's the thing. All things considered, his personal position is stressful, but not terrible. The ziggurat did not blow up; Gwen appears to either have not told him about her Delilah incident or did so in such a way that he didn't realize what was going on; he doesn't seem to have noticed the break-in into his parents' bedroom yet; Allura was reassuring re: Whitestone likely being safe (although...it's on a ley nexus so watch out!); and he got to deliver the line "ever since I met you, I knew you were destined for stupidity" which is actually how he specifically blows off steam. On the other hand, every single window in the castle has been destroyed, Allura had to leave, and I just checked and confirmed that Pike does not have the mending cantrip. Maybe one of the local clerics does? Maybe one of his kids does? Maybe Vilya or Ebenold does? Maybe Grog's in town and can be convinced that the role of the Grand Poobah etc etc is fixing windows? 6/10.