#shes gonna have surgery soon & she says she feels confident about it bc of her doctor but i know shes terrified & its so fucking scary....

[freesomebodybyluna]

...

[epicene-humanoid]

some trans Jeff thoughts:

he realized he was trans in elementary school and just went fuck it I'll just start introducing myself as Jeffery and see if anyone decides to stop me (as we know, jeff winger can get away with almost anything)

he got top surgery the second he could afford it (around the same time he started at his law firm), and probably bribed someone to keep it a secret

"I'm jeff winger and i would rather look at myself naked than the women I sleep with" are the words of a man proud of his transition

he's really insecure about his fashion sense, which is why he mostly dresses like the douchey guys at his firm in the start of the show, he thought you can't go wrong with the sleazy lawyer look

he will never admit it but he feels super good about the dean hitting on him, because the dean is a (cis) guy, acknowledging that Jeff is more manly than him

i think he starts out stealth and comes out to everyone one by one, probably starting with abed because he knows abed won't judge him and will probably just see it as an interesting backstory.

abed just says it's cool and maybe worth a prequel exploring Jeff's transition, and jeff asks him to predict how all of the members of the group will react to him coming out.

abed's predictions:

britta will be over-the-top supportive and do a ton of research about trans history, probably put together a slideshow just to prove how progressive she is, and jeff will be a little bit weirded out, but also touched that she did all that for him, though he would never let her know that

shirley will be confused, because she doesn't know how someone she trusts and knows so well could be part of a group she was raised to hate, but ultimately realizes that there's nothing actually against the lgbtq people in the bible, and, as a cool character development arch, starts to advocate against use of the bible to justify bigotry

troy will just think it over and decide that Jeff's physique and coolness are even awesomer knowing how much work he'd had to put in to be like that, and respects Jeff's manliness even more

annie will give him a hug, say something sweet about how she'll always love him, and worry about his health, because even she read somewhere that taking testosterone makes you more likely to have a heart attack, jeff will explain that the risk is still only as high a cis guy, and she'll be the one to always remind him to take his shots

peirce will say at best say "jeff winger used to be a chick?" and at worst call him a slur, either way there's sure to be a lot of misgendering from him, and pestering to know Jeff's deadname (needless to say, Jeff just doesn't tell peirce)

the whole group goes out of their way to keep their beach trips a secret from pierce (the girls don't want him there anyways, he's too liable to be creepy) even though jeff knows that even if pierce saw his scars, all he would have to do is make up a story about some childhood accident and pierce would never question it

sorry this ended up being super long. can I hear some of your headcanons for him?

YES ALL THIS!!! yes yes i’m fully accepting this as canon oh my god

i’m about to type a whole ass ESSAY at midnight because i have been DYING to talk about this for months ajfdksljk,,, this is going to be obscenely long and i might end up adding even more to it as i continue to rewatch the show because there is truly no shortage of trans jeff content (especially when you’re trans and see transness in every little thing ajdkslfkjs)

spoiler warning for literally everything about this show under the cut <3

i 100% agree, i feel like he realized he was trans super young, especially since in the show we see him as a little kid a couple of times. 

like look at little jeff with the oversized sweatshirt and little ponytail!! that’s childhood trans fashion. not to be dramatic but part of me thinks that jeff’s dad left before he fully came out to his family (which gives him even more angst about it, because until that one Thanksgiving episode, he’s never able to prove to his dad that he’s a better man), but part of me thinks that his dad left after he came out (which adds that spicy i-should-have-stayed-in-the-closet guilt that he has to work through). 

either way, because his dad wasn’t there, he had to base his concept of masculinity on something else, which was becoming a lawyer!! there’s some line that’s like “after the dust and divorce papers were settled the only man i looked up to was [the lawyer guy]”. like, replacing your father figure in your mind with the concept of “a job where you can talk your way in and out of anything and distort other people’s concept of reality”? that’s trans.

 and the fucking THANKSGIVING EPISODE... i struggle to watch it without crying hehe <3 yeowch! the dichotomy of willy jr. being the “wrong” kind of man because he’s “too soft” but jeff also not being enough despite adhering to all the social standards of masculinity... fuck!! this whole scene of him telling his dad “i am Not well adjusted” and talking about how he gave himself an “appendix surgery scar” when he was a kid and he still keeps the get-well-soon letters from his classmates under his bed? oh my god. the implication of people loving him not despite his scars but because of them?? trans. i can’t think about this episode for too long or i’ll start yelling.

OH and this scene? where he talks about how his mom got him a girl costume for halloween?? and everyone said “what a cute little girl” and after a few houses he stopped correcting them?? and “once the shame and the fear wore off, i was just glad they thought i was pretty”?? THAT’S TRANS... the man needs validation oh my god... and then in all the halloween episodes we see he has these ultra-masculine costumes (a cowboy, David Beckham, one of the fast and furious guys even though he never watched the movies, a boxer with his DAD’S boxing gloves... god) costumes are about becoming something else and he always chooses to be hypermasculine and that is trans.

THE PHYSICAL EDUCATION EPISODE!!!!!!! being uncomfortable during P.E. is a queer experience. period. but him being specifically uncomfortable in the clothes someone else is assigning to him? trans. “are we gonna talk about clothes like a girl? or use tapered sticks to hit balls around a cushioned mat like a man?” TRANS. and him eventually stripping in public? celebration of transness. and the fact that he eventually becomes comfortable in both the uniform and his own style!! trans!! god i love this episode. 

AND AND AND!!! the gay dean coming out episode!!! where it’s the three of them discussing the best way for the dean to come out as gay despite not entirely identifying with that label!! so we have both frankie and the dean who are sort of ambiguously queer, and jeff who’s a stealth trans man who’s probably only out to only the study group at this point. this scene where the dean and jeff have this like eyebrow communication while frankie is talking is just so cute. queer-to-queer communication. “I am so curious” “oh?” “intellectually.” “oh...” ajfdksljfk this scene just screams high school GSA to me and i love it so much.

and SPEAKING of the dean!! i totally see you on that. i feel like jeff has some internalized homophobia/biphobia (like he’d throw punches over someone else, but when it comes to himself he has a lot of shame). and also seeing the dean so confident in all his different outfits/costumes has a weird affect on him bc it’s like “okay, the dean, a cis guy, can do that, but i as a trans guy could Not because that’s Breaking the Rules”. which, like, throwback to the halloween thing. of course there’s no right way to be masculine, but mr. winger does not know that.

another thing!! the episode where their emails get leaked? that includes his emails with his therapist. fuck!! he was outed to the whole world in that episode!! no wonder he was so fucking angry!! this whole episode (and really any time he mentions his therapist) is so interesting when you think about them as a person he talks to about his transition. OH which adds to the thing with the dean!! “and you told your therapist you wanted to be alone this weekend” and “not you jeff, i know you’ll be visiting your dad” ”I told you to stop reading my emails”. luckily his study group has his back and just makes fun of him for emailing astronauts lmao

and WHO can forget “they’re giving out an award for most handsome young man!!!!” what else is there to say about this line besides: he’s trans. you know he didn’t get awarded enough for being a handsome young man when he was a kid, and no amount of compliments when he’s fully-grown can really make up for that. some people crash a kid’s bar mitzvah to cope with the fact that they struggled to be seen as themselves when they were a teenager <3

also his weird relationship with pierce? where he kind of hates him (understandably lmao) but at times has this almost-friends-almost-father-son relationship with him? especially in this episode where he’s forced to bond with him and ends up having a good time by accident (at a barber shop no less, the perfect place to Be A Man with your Man Friend). idk what to say about him besides the fact that pierce says his mom wanted a girl when he was born and made him dress like a girl (and his middle name is anastasia!) so if they’re gonna do any bonding over transness it’s gonna be that. 

okay one last thing and then i’ll shut up for the night. this episode kills me (and almost kills jeff hahahahelpi’mcrying). it’s a very Trans thing to not be able to visualize your future self, it just is. growing up trans at the time he did? i don’t know what kind of future he saw for himself, but i’m so happy that he ended up with a group of friends who became his family and love him the way they all do. i’m so emotional over this asshole it’s ridiculous. 

in conclusion:

they’re trans, your honor <3

[utterlyinevitable]

After seeing ur explanation for that anon i really want to see a fic or a hc of ethan as a dad and becca as mom can u please do it??

omg okay ahhh my babys having babies. this is gonna be long and idk if it’ll make sense bc imma jot down everything i know about domestic e&b.  

[just finished and... this is long and broken down into 6 categories........... enjoy!]

Ethan & Becca as Parents

The Pregnancy 

They didn’t plan on having children, it just kind of happened. Becca and Ethan took a day for the news to settle before they jumped into excited, expecting parents mode.

The most exciting part was renovating the condo to make the most perfect nursery and shopping for decorations and mentally planning all the traditions and things they’d love to give to their little family. 

All of the happiness couldn’t mask the struggles of pregnancy. 

Becca hated being pregnant. She was sick and nauseous constantly, and her back and feet always ached. 

Throughout the whole thing Ethan doted on her; holding her hair back and learning how to tie it up in the way she likes, rubbing her back, running out to get whatever she was craving. 

He even made copious amounts of notes about her eating patterns. Enough to keep two of everything in the condo. 

If she was having a restless night, he would too; even if she was restless for non-human-growing reasons. 

They were in this together.

And even when she was huddled over a garbage pail, dribble running down her chin, she never looked more beautiful to him. 

There was just something about all this that made him feel all weird and fuzzy inside. 

When her symptoms barely settled throughout the second trimester she overhauled her entire birthing plan. There was no way she was making it to 42 weeks. She was absolutely miserable. So she made a c-section appointment for 40 weeks. 

She had an entire argument with Ethan one evening (she really was only yelling while he nodded his head). Her main points were:  “It’s my body and the baby will be fine. I was born 6 weeks early and I turned out fantastic!” and  “Once the baby’s out of me I’m still going to have to pee. Omg what if she rips me open!? How am I supposed to use the bathroom without worrying about my stitches?”  

All he kept reiterating was:  “I love you. I trust you and your instincts.” 

Becca felt better as he held her face in his large hands, his calming azure eyes boring into hers and letting her know everything will be alight. 

But deep down she spent the next few weeks since making the appointment wondering if she should have given vaginal birth a try. She didn’t want Ethan to resent her for chickening out of her body’s natural function. 

The Birth 

Becca made it to her c-section appointment. Happily rubbing her large belly and glowing:  “I can’t wait to not be pregnant anymore! Never do this to me again.” 

All Ethan did was chuckle. 

He was happy she was getting color back and that her symptoms finally settled enough for her to spend the last few weeks enjoying their daughters kicks. But oh my god was Ethan Ramsey terrified of being a father. 

He wouldn’t tell Becca though. She was emotional and worried enough as is. Any and all his concerns were saved for the short conversations he had with his father.  “Don’t overthink it, son. The moment you lay eyes on your daughter you’ll know what to do. It’s instinct. Biology. That was your best subject in school, wasn’t it?” Alan would joke.  

The surgery went off without a hitch. 

All of Becca’s hatred for the phenomenon of pregnancy vanished the second the nurse placed their daughter on her chest. 

Rebecca was in awe. She made that! This little person came out of her! This little pink person that looks like a plucked chicken with a tiny tuft of brown hair was here and she was beautiful. The perfect combination of her and Ethan. 

The embodiment of their love.   

Dakota Dolores Ramsey was completely unplanned. Unplanned but not unwanted.  

The first time Ethan Ramsey held his daughter time froze. The universe needed a minute to process the broad grin and full heart thumping rapidly from this stoic and reserved man. 

The earth was about to spin the wrong way but then Dakota opened her eyes.

Everything was the way divinity had planned it.  

At Home

Although Ethan and Becca lived a 10 minutes drive from Edenbrook, nearly a straight run, Becca forced him to drive as slow as possible. 

Dakota was asleep and she needed to keep it that way. 

Due to her stitches, Becca was forced to take things easy. No matter how many times she argued with Ethan that she was capable of menial tasks around the house. 

Ethan would not let her lift a finger. 

If Dakota needed a change he’d happily do it. if Becca was hungry he’d make her favorite. 

“You had her to yourself for nine months. Let me take the next few days.” Becca went to retort, all she wanted was to hold her baby for the rest of eternity. She’d never tire of looking at her scrunched up potato face and watching as her features changed every moment of every day. “I promise to share.” “You better,” she kissed him as he tucked her into bed for a much needed nap.

The only thing he was forced to share with his partner was feeding duty - Becca was adamant on breast feeding. A bottle would not touch their daughters lips for months to come. 

That in itself brought its own challenges. 

Most nights Ethan laid in bed with Becca curled up at his side in one arm and Dakota resting on his bare chest. 

Parenting was weird, but an exhilarating change. 

Ethan couldn’t diagnose what he could have possibly have done right in his life to be this wholly happy. 

The Second

Once Ethan and Becca had one child they were both itching for a second.

“You know what say: ‘if you have one you have to have two’.” “Is that so?”  “You don’t want Dakota to have a sibling?”  “I was an only child and look how I turned out.”  “Emotionally stunted and certified loner?” she teased. 

Truth be told, Ethan wanted another. He’s been thinking of giving his pride and joy a few siblings for weeks now. He just didn’t know how to tell Becca. 

Becca complained frequently about how happy she was to not be pregnant, and often about how her scar healed funnily. 

All of the signs pointed to her not wanting another. And Ethan was okay with that. He never expected to have one child. He’d cherish every moment of what’s been placed right in his fingertips. 

He’ll let his soon-to-be wife choose their path. She’s dictated everything else thus far. Ethan was elated she chose him to be along for the ride. 

After Dakota’s first birthday, when they made the decision to have another, they tried desperately to conceive.

“I really don’t want to have to deal with diapers for five years,” was Becca’s main reason for keeping the kids close in age.  “We can try surrogacy.” Ethan offered, knowing how much she hated pregnancy. He didn’t want to push her into anything.    “No. I have to do it. I’ll do it for our kids. But you owe me big time.”  

And 14 months later Caroline Marie Ramsey made her grand appearance. 

And Becca got her first push present. 

The Last 

It’s fitting that four years later Ethan and Becca were blessed with another surprise. 

Her pregnancy with James Jonah was the smoothest of them all. 

Of course that meant something had to go wrong. 

At 34 weeks Becca went into premature vaginal labor. 

Within six hours their baby boy arrived. 5lbs 2oz and looking like an alien. 

Ethan almost lost them both after the fact. 

Becca lost too much blood with the placenta and JJ was so tiny.  

But the Lao’s were fighters and they pulled through. Ethan cried at her bedside once the harrowing 24 hours were up. 

Becca stayed at the hospital for a week, Ethan and Alan bringing the girls to visit every single day. 

JJ had to stay a few days longer and Becca refused to leave until she could bring her son home. 

She went through her first experience with postpartum depression. Becca didn’t think anything could be worse than the mental toll her abortion had on her years earlier. But she was wrong.

She was so wrong. 

All their friends chipped in to help take care of the kids while Ethan devoted his time to helping his wife. The couple went to therapy, sometimes together, other times Ethan sat in the waiting room as Becca worked through her emotions. 

Months later, the parents were sitting at home. Ethan held their son and their daughters were curled on their laps: He muttered into his wife’s hair, “I’d like to have one more.”  “Not with me you’re not,” she scoffed. “We’re outnumbered as is.” 

JJ began to cry and the girls stirred. Dakota mumbling, “Tell the baby to shut up, I’m sleeping here.” 

They couldn’t help but laugh and pull apart to put their whole world to bed.  

Old and graying and spending more time at home with his kids, Ethan wanted just one more baby. Four was a strong, even number. He could have a whole daycare full of them - each one the best variations of him and Becca. 

Becca had spent a large portion of her 30s childrearing and she’s done. Done with diapers and formula, especially. She loves her children more than anything but they’re exhausting. She can’t wait for them to be in school full time and she can have some more alone time with her husband. It’s been so long since it’s been just them too.  

“Don’t hate me...”  “I could never hate you,” Ethan said as he brushed a few strands of hair from his wife’s face.  She swallowed and confidently said, “I want you to get a vasectomy.” 

He agreed without further consideration. She made a very compelling argument.  

Parenting 

Ethan is the doting helicopter dad and Becca is doctor drill sergeant. The kids get away with nothing under their mother’s watch. 

Ethan is very soft and adores his children. The grumpy attending could have a whole gaggle of them. He spoils his daughters rotten, picking up the newest doll and toy they’re obsessed with, and making them promise not to tell mommy. 

The women in Ethan’s life get away with everything and he wouldn’t have it any other way.

When the girls were born, Ethan stepped back at work letting the better Dr. Ramsey have her career defining moments.

He took half days to pick the girls up from preschool and would bring them to the park or museums. He’d even try to teach them to cook their favorite recipes on cold, rainy days. He’d tire them out so that he and mom could tuck them in after dinner.

Ethan’s afraid of his son. He’s afraid the tot is going to turn out exactly like him - he’s the spitting image, except that his hair curls like his mother’s. 

Instead of putting JJ in fulltime daycare, Ethan chose part time preschool. The girls were in primary school now and he’s taken a bigger step back from the hospital after the baby was born. 

He devotes all his free time to teaching his son about all he knows and learning all he doesn’t.  

Becca complains about the state of her vagina and stomach all the time. Never in front of the children but often enough Ethan knows the look on her face right before she says the same two lines.  

Her favorite activity is building forts and taking the kids to the beach. 

The holidays have never felt more alive with the full house. Ethan even became a Christmas and Valentines Day lover. 

Becca loved watching him change over the years. Every new first they celebrated with each child, every one of their kids passions, Ethan would adopt them all and make it his mission to be a connoisseur of every facet.

Dakota sat her parents down one day with a serious topic of conversation: “Mommy, Daddy. I’m going to be a fashion designer.” “Will you?”  “Yes. And I need to dress myself.” “As long as it’s weather appropriate, consider it done.”  “And we need to get supplies.” 

The conversation went on for 15 minutes with Ethan and Becca asking questions and Dakota making demands. Once they’ve settled on an agreement on how to make their daughter’s dream happen, Ethan retired to his office. He taught himself the basics of sewing.     

Even with all the struggles of raising three children in a suburb of Boston while balancing very demanding medical careers, Ethan and Becca wouldn’t have it any other way. The life they carved out of all their complications was worth it.  

All of this was inevitable. 

And they wouldn’t take a moment for granted.    

________________________________________

Um... this became bigger than intended... If you made it this far, thank you ♥

Masterlist

Perma:

@rookiemarsswiftie @lucy-268 @binny1985 @thegreentwin @queencarb @danijimenezv @starrystarrytrouble e @terrm9 @interobanginyourmom @adrex04 @maurine07 @mercury84choices @schnitzelbutterfingers @theeccentricbibliophile @wingedhairstylemusicweasel @kaavyaethanramsey @mvalentine @rookie-ramsey @drariellevalentine @lifeaskim @otherworldlypresents @therookie @aylaramseycarrera @angela8754 @fireycookie @stateofgracious

Ethan:

@udishaman @honeyandsunfl0wers @hutchereverlark23 @ohchoices @dulceghernandez @blossomanarchy @claredal424 @caseyvalentineramsey @rookieoh @openheartthot @senseofduties @lilyvalentine @tsrookie @kalogh @aworldoffandoms @takemyopenheart t @casey-v @ramseyandrys @peaceinmidstofchaos

[ultimaid]

Hey dude do you think I could have the details of the au please? 👉👈 I don't remember who's who and what's been changed ahsgdbdh

AH yeah for sure !!! gonna put this all under a readmore. cw for tokophobia mentions, abuse by a parent, and dysphoria mentions

boris takes over the role of baby in the dirty dancing au. he’s 18 and he’s not suuuuper out as being trans (the last time he tried to tell his dad he almost got kicked out so really only his brother knows), but he tells kamal and the others once he gets close to them. he’s extremely anxious and can’t stand being made to go to new places, so he strongly dislikes having to go with his shit family on a vacation he would rather not be on. he’ll take any excuse to leave the cabin and wander the property.

his brother is gillis in the au! the sister’s name in the film slips my mind currently but gillis takes over most of her role with some changes. he’s hypermasculine instead of hyperfeminine and has no desire to participate in the talent showcase at the end, he wants to fly under the radar and maybe meet some girls to impress his dad (despite being gay). he resents that boris gets all of his parents’ attention even though it’s almost all negative attention.

kamal takes over the role of johnny, while questionette takes the role of penny. they’re incredibly close friends and have been since they first met in their early teens (theyre 20 and 21 now, respectively). they’ve tried to make a living dancing for ages and they finally have a steady gig at kellerman’s, so they’re desperate to cling to it despite kamal’s irritation at having to work for a boss.

randy is a combination of the neil and billy characters. he carries the watermelons and is very close to kamal and questionette, but he’s also the one who’s assigned to show boris around and be there for him. he’s one of the first to figure out that boris is trans and he confides to boris that he’s gay, which they bond over. he’s the one who introduces boris to kamal and questionette.

questionette is a trans woman in this au and instead of becoming pregnant and needing an abortion, she suffers a great deal of anxiety and trauma due to her dysphoria and it begins to affect her dancing. she’s unable to continue at her same level because of how badly her dysphoria is affecting her and kamal and randy are able to set up an appointment with a doctor who they can’t afford. boris is let in on this after he finds questionette crying in the kitchen, and randy quietly lets questionette know (with boris’s permission) that she and boris are the same. trust is gained between all four of them, even if kamal is prickly towards boris for being from a rich family and not understanding the situation fully.

boris steals the money for questionette’s surgery from his dad and gets gillis not to tell anybody when he discovers it. the stolen money is reluctantly accepted, and boris begins training to dance with kamal so he can do the performance on the night of questionette’s surgery. while kamal is at first annoyed by boris’s lack of coordination, boris is a quick learner and they soon form a mutual respect and admiration for each other. boris develops a crush on kamal and kamal, although he denies it, is starting to feel the same.

they do the performance and it’s amazing, but when they return to kellerman’s questionette is suffering greatly from her botched surgery. i’m not sure what to do about this part bc i do NOT want boris’s dad getting involved here, but somehow they manage to find someone who can fix it and questionette is in recovery for a while. boris and kamal continue to dance together and boris grows closer to questionette as well.

EDIT. max remembered that marv did the successful surgery and fixed the botched one. why he’s here we don’t know but he’s a good grandpa

gillis has been talking to randy this whole time, trying to figure out what his little brother is up to (both gillis and randy are 19 in this au). randy is cagey to protect boris, but he finds he loves spending time with gillis.

the rest of the beats are very similar to the movie (kamal is suspected of stealing on the night that he and boris sleep together, boris gives him an alibi by saying that they slept together, kamal gets fired, boris solves the case but kamal is already gone). the scene in which baby monologues to her dad is still there, but it’s behind closed doors and boris is being pretty heavily beaten the whole time while gillis hears the whole thing. gillis apologizes for being cold to boris and the two become very close as brothers.

kamal leaves with questionette after being fired, but questionette convinces him to go back for boris, which combined with kamal’s guilt over leaving him causes him to go back. he gets in contact with randy and gillis, he and boris do the final dance and kamal manages to leave with boris and questionette while evading boris’s father. boris’s father doesn’t care enough to pursue them.

gillis obtains a job at kellerman’s in order to work with randy and they form a relationship. they stay in contact with kamal, boris, and questionette.

kamal and boris are together and questionette is their best friend who they live and work with. when randy eventually gets old enough to take over management of the resort, he invites them back to work there again.

[insporaelynn]

📲 raelynn && roman

WHEN: january 24-26th 

DESCRIPTION: just best friends talking and being obsessed with each other. rae confides in him about her ex drama.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: drug mention, probably sex mention.

@romanbeckett​

Roman

Hi love of my life. I miss your face. How’s it going??

raelynn

my baby

god, i miss you too. i'm doing okay, how're you tonight?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

it’s been an off day, not even gonna lie lol super sore and tired. I just wanna be back to normal already

raelynn

oh no

how's your scar healing up? the boys are taking care of you right??

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

it’s okay I guess bleh lol and not tonight. I’m all alone

raelynn

Where's Q? Is Aaron working?

Well I guess I should know that since I'm literally at work. Lmao.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Q is working on music. Aaron has des tonight

raelynn

ugh. i wanna lay with you and kiss ur face.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

are you busyyy? I can burn us some cookies

raelynn

i'm working but I'd love to see you after if you're still up.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

of yeah you just said you’re at work lmao fucking weed

yes please come by when you’re done

raelynn

LMAO I KNOW THE FEELING

absolutely, i'm yours.

u know niamh was trying to figure out who rue's date was and she was like "is it you" bc i mentioned that I have a dick appt with him tomorrow night.

and i was like. dude, no, for like, a thousand reasons. like, why would that ever be me???

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚n.

oh god, I’m so out of the loop with gossip lately, it’s sad. I didn’t even know he had a date lol

raelynn

it's apparently some big secret but he's having people help him dress up and asking about flowers and candy and niamh is like "bitch is it you" and i'm like. LMAO.

like is there anything about me that says flowers and candy

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

Hahahahahhahahahahaha HAHAHA

that really made me laugh too hard.

raelynn

like, i'm not the flowers girl, i'm the sneak out in the night girl, the middle of the afternoon girl, all those things, but flowers girl???? sdkfdskksd

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I’m 100p a flowers girl

raelynn

YOU ARE AND YOU'RE WORTH IT MY BABY

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

my parents are coming in to town this week. Gotta tell them I have two boyfriends haaaa. Pray for me

raelynn.

I feel like that should be the least shocking thing about you??? In a good way.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

yeah, I definitely keep them on their toes

raelynn

tell ur boyfriend that if he wants me to continue wearing body glitter he's going to have to pay me extra

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

omg but I love body glitter fyi

raelynn

I did an onlyfans video with Lilah earlier and I'm like 80% sure that I left glitter on her sheets. Like I'm a fucking unicorn.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

that makes me so happy I can’t even lie

I too wanna leave glitter everywhere

man I need to do only fans

raelynn

i would a thousand percent subscribe

both bc i'm a perv and also bc i'm a very supportive best friend.

we could get naked and do a body glitter photoshoot

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

and I love this about you

that sounds like a dream?? Wow

raelynn

would love nothing more than to apply body glitter to ur glorious tiddies.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

my tillies would appreciate it

Hahahaa it hurts to laughhhh

raelynn

SORRY SORRY I'M GOING TO BE VERY SERIOUS NOW

clears throat Um. The National Debt.

it is my understanding that there is. National Debt.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

hahahah I love you

raelynn

Blah blah, topics. Blah blah, smart people jargon, blah blah

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

god it’s so boring isn’t it

would so much rather talk about titties

raelynn

God same.

Like how yours are somehow bigger than mine.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I know, I need some sort of support at this point I think

raelynn

we could get you fitted for bras somewhere maybe that'd be fun

it'd look actually so hot

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

well I already wear lingerie in the bedroom. Might as well.

raelynn

you will be the absolute death of me, you're simply too gorgeous and too sweet to exist.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

stahhpppp you’re making me blushhhh. Right back atcha my babe

raelynn

is there anything you want me to bring you when i'm done here?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

just yourself. I’ve got good ass weed

raelynn

and for the millionth time, i realized, you are my soul mate.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

you’re mine, lovie.

raelynn

i wish i could've had appendix surgery instead of you

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

noooo don’t be silly lol I’m okay darling.

raelynn.

no i hate that you were in pain even for like a second i hate it so much!!

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

stop it, I love you. You cutie. Oh god okay I’m gonna make us cookies.

raelynn

Dont burn the house down my beautiful twin flame

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I always get cookie dough thinking I’ll do better next time. I still have that unearned confidence

raelynn.

Thats bc im always building you up and rightfully so

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

yes you do and I live for it. I also really love fresh cookies right out of the oven, I just want to make that happen

raelynn

I believe in you my little tropical starfish

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

raelynn

literally you

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

hehehehe ⭐️

raelynn

i don't think anybody's ever gonna love me more than you

and i think. i think maybe that's okay?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

that’s not true. You’re gonna find someone who is gonna blow you away

raelynn

yeah but even if i did, would I even be able to love them without being scared of them?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

yeah, I think so. I’ve had to overcome a lot of walls and fears myself that I never thought I could. The right person makes it easier.

raelynn

idk there are a lot of people i could've loved if i hadn't been so....this lmao

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I think it’ll just take some time!

raelynn

you have so much faith in me.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

of course I do. I think you can do anything.

raelynn

i'm not really sure.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

you don’t have to be cause I ammmmm

raelynn

and you're the smartest person in the world

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

in the whole world?? Damn. I’m not near as rich as I should be then.

raelynn

how about I stay over with you tonight and we get some breakfast in the morning? I did really good on tips tonight.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

okay!! I’d love that

raelynn

good 'cause i don't get to spend nearly as much time with you as i wanna

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I knowwww. We haven’t had a sleepover in so long

raelynn

you can cuddle up to me and i'll feed you cookies and kiss your hair

revolutionary. better than therapy.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

Yes!!!!

raelynn

loml

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I finished the cookies baby and I didn’t burn them to a crisp

raelynn

you fucking legend

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I’m pretty damn proud of myself not gonna lieeeee

[...]

raelynn

extremely sad that i couldn't stay at breakfast with you all day

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

same

now I’m bored

raelynn

i swear after i left you my day went down the tubes.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

oh no I’m sorry

who do I need to fight

raelynn

well carson is back.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

oh god, tell me more

raelynn

idk why he's back but wes gave him my number bc i guess when i told him to lose it he took it to heart which like good i wanted him to

but anyway i screamed at him in the chat

everyone called me a hypocrite bc i told ivy to stop being a bitch in the chat awhile back. which tbh i didn't remember even doing, i just be saying shit.

like alex opened his fuckin mouth and i'm like what dog do you have in this fight

oh and DELILAH is moving in with carson bc he's "like her brother!!!" never mind the fact that he cheated on me bc i guess friendship doesn't mean much anymore

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

wow that’s...messy. Wtf lilah though seriously

raelynn.

So then Carson texts me bc wes gave him my number and that felt like being??? Pushed back in time against my will

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

that’s not cool

raelynn

So yeah a lot of crying today

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

*chick with knife emoji*

me rn

raelynn

Cute but lethal

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

*img attachment* 

and not at all high...

raelynn.

you're so hot jesus christ.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you.

raelynn.

love u more than life itself

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

*img attachment of a keychain that says PUSSY WAGON* 

this was recommended to me on Instagram and now I want it.

raelynn

LET'S GET THEM MATCHING.

EVEN THOUGH I DON'T HAVE A CAR

AND THEREFORE NO KEYS FOR SAID CAR

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

it would be perfect for my Volkswagen

raelynn.

omg and with me in it...it really WOULD be a pussy wagon......

big brain

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hahahahah

raelynn

we should road trip soon

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I would love that so much honestly

raelynn

where should we go?

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

Disney world!!

raelynn

will u propose to me there

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

wouldn’t that be romantic as heck

raelynn.

THE most romantic and also we'd maybe get free dessert

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

I never turn down anything free.

raelynn

me neither. not the taylor family way

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hahaha I love you.

raelynn.

we'll start planning a summer trip, just us.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

yay yay yay yay!

raelynn.

i'm gonna wear a tiara the whole time.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.BOT01/25/2021

with Mickey ears?

raelynn.BOT01/25/2021

of course, i'm not a monster.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

hahahaa

[...]

raelynn

I hate dudes.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

they’re a mess aren’t they lol

raelynn

Had a temporary lapse in sanity and agreed to meet Carson for coffee lol and he canceled like 15 mins before we were supposed to meet for a probably fake meeting lmao its so typical but I fell for it

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

babe I’m so sorry

raelynn

Like im just so tired

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧

how can I make it better

raelynn.

I don't know honestly and I wish I did.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

I love you.

raelynn

I love you.

𝐑𝐨𝐦𝐚𝐧.

you’re my baby

raelynn

you're MY baby

[kitreographer]

(TARJEI SANDVIK MOE, CISMALE, HE/HIM) i hear CHRISTOPHER 'KIT' WILLIS has a link to ALL OF THE BANDS. the 22 year old is a CHOREOGRAPHY CONSULTANT, apparently. he’s so PRAGMATIC and GENTLE, but can also be kind of NEUROTIC and CRITICAL. i’m kinda interested in hearing more about them.

it’s carly, back on my bullshit with another oc for y’all. below the cut is gonna be my intro for kit, apologises in advance for how terrible it is.

(tw; homophobia mention, abuse mention, addiction.)

info!!!:

- kit is a southern bby og from oklahoma! he was born there and lived there until he was fifteen. his full name his christopher charles willis jnr whereas his father (of course) is christopher charles willis snr the first.

- his relationship with his dad was never particularly strong. as soon as he started to take an interest in dance? that was it, his dad had had enough. we’re talking bully ellio style parental loathing here but without the redemption arc just yet. it only meant he took it out on kit’s mom and sometimes kit but luckily he got out of there when he was fifteen. things were complicated but things were also better then he wasn’t antagonising the situations.

- so anyway! a lil ballet boy with big dreams, moving out at age fifteen on scholarships to live in ballet academies, eventually ending up in la. what could go wrong? ha. a lot apparently. 

- he had an amazing few years between academies and companies until he was nineteen. nearly twenty. he defied gender stereotypes by consistently performing and teaching pointe. it was one of his biggest goals, to dance en pointe in a romantic role and not the comedic sidekick as a male. he fought for it, he danced at every opportunity, he worked himself to breaking point.

- he was hitting his stride, nineteen, twenty and at pretty much peak age for working his way through companies and building a name and a career. paving his way in the world of dance. that was until a rogue feather from one of the tutus ended up directly underneath the prima’s pointe shoe. light as a feather, stiff as a board, right? at least that’s how it felt as she slipped and took kit down with her. 

- after the accident he ended up having to have surgery on one of his knees and the ankle on the other foot. he was out for months and they told him he would probably never dance in pointe shoes again. it was debatable if he’d even do ballet again

- and here’s where the shame spiral begins

- he spent his twentieth birthday with his phone off, completely out of it on prescription meds and refusing to come out of his apartment. he refused for a while to believe he had an addiction until he realised he could barely string a sentence together some days and still craved more.

- after some meetings and a lot of hard work on his road to recovery, kit is constantly on and off the wagon. however, he has never been as bad as he was. he’s still lowkey (or highkey lmao) in denial and refuses to admit the fact that he was an addict or that he had an issue

- but woah, carly, that’s a lot of angst at once i hear you say. here comes the nicer part of the story so y’all can unbuckle your belts. he’s now settled in la and working as a choreographer consultant! this is where he goes to any and all of the bands to help them with choreography, staging or stage presence. classes on posture or stamina on stage. gym and dance workouts if the person who hires him asks for it. he bartends the rest of the time.

- he teaches some stuff and attends lowkey ballet classes but he just hopes no one recognises him from the accident or the stint in the professional ballet company he was in. he still hasn’t gone back to pointe. he finds contemporary, commercial and hip hop a lot more helpful for his current career.

tldr; actual sunshine human who doesnt swear comes from shitty background, fails as a ballerina and now lives as a recovering addict (which he’d deny) in la. 

connection ideas!!!:

- he’s probably worked with all the bands at some point so maybe a connection based around the work he did with them

- someone who recognises him from the accident report/footage? someone who followed or is aware of his ballet career in the company?

- someone who saw him in the aa meetings or maybe when he was in the hospital/doctor’s office or rehab for his legs

- someone who knew him in oklahoma (childhood friends etc)

- frequenters of the bar! he’s probably served them. so what kind of relationship do they have? do they hate his sunny disposition? do they like him? maybe they’ve confided in him? 

- goes to the same gym/dance classes

- neighbours (someones gonna get sick of his classical music blasting and him knocking stuff over because he’s stretching where he shouldn’t be) 

- roommates

- unrequited feels bc im a sucker for Angst

- his bad influence. someone needs to make this boy colour outside of the lines at some point

[kyunsies]

Hello Mädch ahsdjaksdh <3 !!

how is college going? dw, I hope you are settling in super well and feeling optimistic about school and all the amazing things I know you are going to achieve this year! I am excited that you are starting your rotations now! you are going to do awesome, I know it! I'm sorry that you didn't get that ICU first like you wanted but hopefully it's all part of the plan so that you get it at the right time for you <3 let me know how they go, of course. I hope they go super well.

the week has been a bit weird to be honest, in my team I had a semi argument that was properly tense for the first time with someone and it was just so unpleasant. you know those people where they aren't horrible but you know that you'll never completely see eye to eye with them? i think it's just one of those things, where we'll never just completely read each other or get each other? and it's not, like, a massive issue or anything that we can't deal with, but I feel like usually I get on really well with people or not at all (all or nothing person I guess haha) but with this person I've just got to admit that we're always going to be a bit in the middle? like, we talked it over, and I've still found sometimes we misunderstand one another? so things are still good in work and clients, but with workpeople it has been the more difficult battle? hopefully we should get some more cool media stuff with the K-pop people soon, so that's an up?

OMGsh your coworkers are so much older than you! [lease do post a picture of your room, I am 100% confident that you have made it so dreamy and pretty. Thank you sm for telling me more about these operations though! I feel like everywhere is on red alert at the moment when it comes to health and care and making sure that people look after themselves and not put others at risk, you know? the doctors that to talk to me about my potential surgeries too have said the same but it's nice hearing it from a friend, you know? so thank youuuu <3 <3

I was the same as you, I would get so so so anxious and stressed if I wasn't studying or working or anything like that? but my mum is like your mum and grandma, where she gets up early too! but I feel like I need to do the late night thing instead? but then once I got into this crazy spiral where I would wake up really early and go to bed really late and like nap in between so I ended up like having two hours of sleep either side? that was peak wth at the time haha XD so now I try and let myself wake up a bit later really XD ha ha I'm in barely adulting! like I work so much but I don't earn a lot ha ha – I don't think that's very effective adulting? or like, I don't know I guess for a lot of people my age there's a work hard and hope it pays off thing in certain industries? so you're definitely more effectively adulting than me right now! like, you're going to do stuff that's gonna actively help people and you'll see that right in front of you, you know!!? sometimes my work gets out there but I rarely see directly if it gets to make peoples lives better you know? so the path you're on is so so admirable <3 <3 <3

I get you though, do you find that you thrive under the pressure even though it's sometimes a lot? I find that sometimes it does help me, but sometimes I forget to identify the times when it isn't helping me? or, sometimes I take it too far? so please look out for yourself and take care of yourself <3 and when you're worried if you're on the edge know that it's enough for you to take a rest and not be super perfect. i sometimes tell myself to except that I'm probably gonna make two or three stupid mistakes a day? It sounds kind of silly but it means that it makes it easier for me to accept when I mess up, idk, I think it helps me balance the pressure sometimes? i 100% understand what you're saying - at school do they have people that can directly help? or like peer supporters so it's not as stressful or official feeling as a therapist? if you ever want me to come off anon to help lemme know <3 i'm always here for you <3

oh my gosh your grandparents have been able to live long too! all my grandparents lived close to 100 before passing, and one of my grandmothers had the same as your grandfather. he sounds so sweet and so kind though! i love that he knows how to FaceTime you! Some of my aunts and uncles still don't properly haha. it sounds like he knows that he's super loved though, he's very lucky <3 <3 i've been thinking about all this really lovely stuff and how it grounds you when stuff like careers can stress you out and feel like the most important thing when it shouldn't be? what are the personality differences between the different areas of the US? my East Coast friends seem to straight talk a lot more than my West Coast friends? like they're a lot more realistic as opposed to being, I don't know laid-back or if not laid-back sometimes just more comfortable with superficial stuff? Not like my West Coast friends are superficial people, but I think they accept it as part of the world a bit better? my friends on the east coast will rail against that stuff a lot more, like they buy into the influencer bullshit less? but I guess these are all sweeping generalisations anyway... I might have to travel a bit in europe soon... I got asked to go to otaly for some work today, and to holland next month. Idk if it will end up happening though, things change all the time? I have to keep checking quarantine rules all the time with countries! but YAY and YES Europe tour trip one day :D !!!!!!!

you know what? when I first saw you compare bowling and golf I was like, wait, what? but now I totally get it! i know a golfer and they talk about how physical and strenuous it is on the arms and stuff all the time which I don't think always comes across when you watch it and it makes a lot of sense with how you describe how you trained for bowling! i used to cox in rowing and I always used to find it really funny that I said that was the sport I did because honestly I just sat in the boat all the time and steered XD

obligatory YES WTF ARE COTTON SCENTS! quite a few shops in the city where I live have been closing down because of Covid but our Jo Malone is still going strong! I love that lots of already classic clothing shops have now gone out of business but for some reason the people where I live cannot live without their perfume XD I think I'm gonna go in later this week or next week to take a look! with all this travelling I kind of want to buy something new? also, my hands have been acting up with injury so I have to rest my hands more anyway – so might as well look for perfume right? do you have any recommendations or would the blueberry one you've just gotten be at the top of your list?

the exciting thing is that I'm doing a bit less this week! I need to wait and see if that job wants me to fly out to Italy within the next 48 hours, if not next week, but if not I think I'm gonna figure out how to rehabilitate my joints a bit and get my brain okay? It's been existential Covid crisis week haha - I think a lot of me and my friends have been feeling like we've lost so much of our lives and potential during this time and I've really tried to hold in and ignore it for the past 18 months? i'm not one to ever feel lonely or to really really want to be in a relationship like some of my friends, but I've just been feeling it this week? like, I love my independence, but I wouldn't say no to a boyfriend right now you know? I feel silly saying that sometimes because I'm so against feeling like you have to have someone in your life to be okay, but I guess that's just a result of how the world is has been recently?? but I think all my feelings exploded around this stuff now so, I am trying to get back into a better place? so it's not as exciting as some of the stuff I've told you about before, but it's what's up I guess?

how are your mum and grandmother doing? are they doing good? [lease send all my love to them too. I'm glad these help you reflect on your week! they do with me too and I'm always happy to hear from you, no matter how long you might need <3 <3 hope you manage to reward yourself for working so hard these past days and that you remember you're always doing 110% so you deserve the best!

love you lots and lots - 💥

ANGEL HELLO !!!!!!!!! i told myself i would stay on top of this and swear in a timely manner but ;_____; a full week + 2 clinical rotations later here i am on a sunday, it seems this is always the case :( maybe my get back to you day will only be on sundays LOL i will try my best in the future babe, but ofc thank you so much for being patient with me <3

uni is going fine so far hun !!!! i've started clinical rotations as i've said on thursday and friday, and then my first exam is on tuesday so i read some chapters yesterday so i'm not squished for time lol :) and ,,,, what you said "hope it's all part of the plan" is very much my way of thinking lol wha is your sign? i'm a sagittarius and that's like, a philosophy i go by like everything is how it's supposed to be even if it's not what u want like everything will work itself out :') i'm wondering if we are one in the same !!!!! <3

and omg ;_____; conflict within the workplace is NEVER easy bc all everyone wants is to reach the goal you all are reaching and bc there's some bumps in the road it makes everything that much more stressful :( and i know exactly the type of person you are talking about LOL i've had to work with some of my peers in the hospital who really didn't treat me all that nicely , but i still have to partner up with them anyways bc we had to move a patient lol ; like they never do anything terrible to you but you just cannot come to a proper agreement with them? i know the feeling :( but i can tell you are doing ur absolute best ;_____; it's a tough situation ,,,,,,,,, but may i propose something ??? maybe since things are high stress in the workplace, would u be willing to meet them outside the workplace, like a quick coffee meet up and then discuss those issues? maybe talking about it in the work environment is way too stressful for both of u and it is hard to come to an agreement, but maybe in a calmer, more informal setting do u think maybe the both of u could be like "hey, what u were talking about i'm not really head over heels for but this is what i think and do u think we can do something where both of us will be happy?" im thinking maybe will opening up a means for more civilized discussion?? just a thought LOL :') let me know how it goes :( i hope u are all able to figure everything out !!!!!

about the surgeries !!!!! like i said i know it's super stressful to think about bc this is one of the very few times in life where things are absolutely out of our control and that scares us, and we as medical providers aren't supposed to give u a false sense of security, but i promise u everything will be just fine as long as u correctly follow up with care post-op :) we wouldn't want an infection !!!! >;( i remember last year i had a patient and she was going in for a routine colonoscopy and she was scared shitless ,,,,,,, but i was like "listen ma'am i know it can seem scary but i was just in there with the doctors and everything is super relaxed and they know what they're doing in there, you'll be out in no time and i'll be here waiting !!" and that seemed to help her a lot, after the surgery she was on me like flies on shit LOL she was like "THANK U HONEY" (but i think most of it was bc she was still drugged up hhh)

LOL us with our family members waking up early <3 literally this morning i decided to do my laundry at 8am (its only 10 right right now lol) but idk it just make u feel a little bit better doesn't it? but oh my gosh no i don't see u in this way at all ;_____; babe like you're already THERE in the world working and to me like ,,,,,, being an effective functioning person in society is like all i ever want i just want to be COMPETENT and the fact that u manage ppl ???? it's already a lot of responsibility but you do it everyday like you go to work u make food for yourself u pay bills like yes this all kinda sucks but you're there doing it and idk ,,,,,,,, like u being in this position is like yeah their surviving in the world and doing okay !!!! so that’s how i see u hun ;_____;

and i don’t think i necessarily thrive under pressure but i just kinda ,,,,,,, handle it?? like i think i handle my stress quite well !!! i think the reason why making mistakes scares me so much in my field is bc if i make a mistake i can like, kill someone or seriously harm them if i do something wrong SLKDFJ but i have to remember i’m still just a student and a lot of the things that i’ll learn won’t even be in these last few months of nursing school, but rather during my months of orientation on the floor i’ll be working on when i finally land a job ,,,,,, i know i just have to be patient and kind to myself, but it’s hard not having these high expectations for myself bc everyone else pushes themselves super hard (nurses i mean) so i feel like i should be too , ya know? ;_____; it’s a hard balance that i’ve yet to find but hopefully once i graduate i’ll have just a little bit more confidence in myself :’)

and omg your grandparents lived a long life as well !!!!!!!! a lot of my friends’ grandparents are really young still, so it’s hard for others to relate i think LOL but :(((( i’m really lucky to have them around still and like, i feel like my grandparents are the cornerstone of our whole entire family; once they pass i’m not quite sure what will happen ;_____; so i’m just trying to cherish every moment that i have with them even tho sometimes it’s stressful lol ; also BOUT THE DIFFERENCES FROM EAST TO WEST COAST LOL ; i think u described it really well actually :) like among the friends u have the are from different parts of the states, it’s very accurate in my opinion !! and again after all it is just a very broad assumption, in general east coasters have this “workaholic” attitude, they tend to be very realistic which i actually appreciate a lot lol, i’m hoping to live near the east coast when i move out <3 now where i am from it is considered the midwest even tho it’s more east than west if u look at it on the map LMAO and like, it’s really funny bc if u say to someone you’re from the midwest they’ll tell u our reputation is being “too nice” LSKDLFJSKLD and like that’s our thing, a happy medium between coasts with big cities but small towns too and generally just very chill and nice ,,,,,,,, the south of the US is also known for having that “southern hospitality” overall very cheerful ppl with personality and super kind attitude on life :) now the west of the US i’m not saying there aren’t nice ppl out there bc there are LOL but esp near lost angeles or hollywood ofc you’re going to have ppl very stuck up bc ya know they made it to big bad LA and they want to be trendy with all of the fake health shit (celery juice does NOTHING FOR U sorry lol) generally my view of the west is just very fake and i would never want to have my family grow up there LMAO but that generally like, california and washington but like, utah or wyoming or colorado are just absolutely gorgeous and they have small town ppl there bc there are a lot of ranches there ,,,,,,,, does any of this make sense to u ??? KLASFJ 

i’m going to skip a few paragraphs bc this is so long already LMAO but trust me i’ve read everything so far lol ; it seems like you’re doing a lot of traveling !!!!!! <3 i’m so jealous !!!!!!!! italy sounds so beautiful i would love love to go some day :( ALSO U SMELLED THE BLUEBELL PERFUME RIGHT ???? U LIKED IT ?????? doesn’t it smell absolutely divine??? no matter how many scents i smelled after that i knew it was the right one for me ldkfsdlkfj <3 i’m still so in love with it ;____; also about ur lil rant about feeling lonesome :( bub i can really relate to this and i feel the same way like my mom and the rest of my family never pushed me to meet anyone and i’ve always never had a problem making friends, but like, as i’m older and i realize i’ll be alone a lot more of my time once i graduate like i really do want to share my life with someone :( i have a lot of love and i want to be able to show it to someone i care about a lot but i just never really take the initiative to do that bc quite honestly i’m not confident in myself lMAO so ,,,,,,, i know we never feel like we need to be dependent on someone but sharing experiences with someone who feels very strongly for u seems nice, doesn’t it? i wish this for both of us really soon okay?? <3 i tell my friends i would LOVE to be engaged right now lskdjfslfjs :’)

but anyways !!!!!!!! my mom and the rest of my family is doing well <3 and i’m doing okay too !!!!!! i don’t want to bore u with how clinicals are going but if u want me to tell u just let me know LOL and angel i know i say it all the time but always thank u so much for being patient with me okay? u are the absolute best !!!!!! also as promised, here are a few pics of my dorm room LOL it’s a shoebox but it’s my shoebox :) enjoy !!!!!! 

[keepyourpantsongohan]

Ayesha Liveblogs Naruto Shippuden S19

Lmao @ Shikamaru flirting with Temari before greeting the Kazekage #Priorities 

Why bother giving these kids the data from those chunin exams they were there they ARE the data

“You'd know more about the reason behind the interruption of the final rounds and its chronology” Shizune fucking calling out the Sand omg ‘remember when u tried to murder us? I do’

“She hasn't changed a bit” and u love her for it Shikamaru

Why is Kakashi even here lmao he doesn't have a team of Genin this time around it's just because he's competent and adorable I guess

The Team 7 outro I weep SP is really stabbing me in the heart

Fu is a handful and I love it

“You want to find some way to bond with the rebels?” historically that's actually worked out pretty well it seems

I'M SCREAMING ARE WE GONNA SEE SAKURA'S CHUNIN EXAM

“She just might be tougher than [Shikamaru]” Ino <3 Sakura 5ever

KAKASHI COME INSPIRE YOUR BABY GENIN SHE DESERVES THIS

I feel a little ripped off that Kakashi didn't get to be the Angel of Cheering People Up but I'm proud of Sakura either way and I am i n  l o v e with the idea of watching her Chunin exams

They were so excited to see Naruto it's a shame he's not real

This timeline where everyone takes the Chunin exams a year before Naruto comes back implies that there were at minimum 9 Leaf Chunin made in a single exam

It also puts very little distance between Neji making Chunin and Jonin but I guess to be fair Kakashi was made a jonin at 9

Hjghdskhfhlvhl Team Guy Dynamics:

Tenten: We're being split up?

Lee: We'll be on our own for this?

Neji: [already walking away]

SHIKAMARU INVIGILATES LIKE A SUPER VILLAIN WHAT A DRAMA HOE

“Thanks for having my back” Literally half of Shikamaru's screen time is flirting with Temari I love it

Neji why do you have to be so dramatic do you really need to use jutsu as visual aids in your explanations

THIS BITCH FIGHT BETWEEN NEJI AND THE SAND SHINOBI IS SO GREAT

Sand Siblings @ Gaara probably: Will you stop talking about Naruto for like ten fucking seconds

Neji stepping in to save his girl Tenten my heart

Fu is so cute omg “I want to make a hundred friends”

I'm willing to believe Neji can recognize a jinchuriki's chakra right away bc of his fight with Naruto

“Dwelling on the misfortunes of birth is meaningless” same Shira same

I have a hard time believing Sakura couldn't take down that scorpion without Fu but plot I guess

I CAN'T BELIEVE FU JUST ASKED THE KAZEKAGE TO TAKE A BATH WITH HER

“Gaara!” “Sorry, just thinking” Fuck how often does Temari have to shake Gaara out of thinking about Naruto lmao

Kiba has to spread his legs as widely as possible mid-air his philosophy is truly ‘Dicks out for Shinobi’

Ninja who are about to partake in infiltration, loudly: Scatter!

I also have a hard time believing that a Byakugan user of Neji's skill would be so easily taken in by genjutsu

Honestly Team Guy is prime OT3 material their teamwork is amazing and they lift each other up constantly  

This is the second time in this set of exams that Team Guy has helped not only their competitors but also ninja from a different village the Leaf truly raises their babies right

“I wanna know which one's more valuable to the village... is it the boulder or you?” Still working on the charisma thing huh Gaara

Every mission Team Guy goes on:

Tenten/Neji: Lee how about we think about this before we start-

Lee: JUMPING INTO ACTION

“Please apologize to him!” I adore Lee

I'M SCREAMING NEJI IMPLYING THAT HE IS RIVALS WITH NARUTO INSTEAD OF LEE HE'S TRYING TO BREAK UP THE BAND

‘Hey Shira what's your technique?’ ‘Breathing really hard’

“Two Heaven scrolls. When should I break it to them?” Further proof that Dad!Neji would be ridiculous he has trouble breaking bad news to friends let alone babies

Kiba @ Hinata: Pay! Attention! To! Me!

I fucking love how Kiba has no qualms about anything gross like biting a slimy guy ‘let me at him’, breathing into my dog's nose ‘of course’, running around covered in dog urine ‘just a Tuesday’

These episodes have reawakened the inner Kiba/Hinata shipper in me

“Forget I ever mentioned Naruto okay?” omg I’m not sure I’ve ever seen Kiba blush before but the second he was called out about Naruto there it is

“Their persistence is extraordinary” this is true about the entire village tbh 

It’s not fair of you to compare your shadow clone abilities to a boy with a chakra demon inside of him Kiba 

“I can tell just how hard Naruto trained out here” so what ur saying is that u smell Naruto’s sweat

Kiba’s sure ready to brag for someone whose plan was just playing dead

“It’s the fault of the whole team” I don’t remember this guy’s name but I have a feeling that if Minato were alive he’d love him

“No you’re wrong it was me” Ggfkjghdfkghkd Kiba pls why are you like this

“Be nice and give us your scroll” tru Shinobi of the Leaf 

The Look(TM) Neji gives Lee when he gets Tenten in a bad mood

TENTEN’S HONESTLY WATCHING NEJI FROM THE BUSHES WHILE HE TRAINS LIKE HE DOES NOT HAVE THE BYAKUGAN 

“We’re able to fight so aggressively because we know that you have our backs” Guy is such a supportive sensei 10/10 (no pun intended)

“How did they turn out anyway?” “I have my doubts about them” LEE PLS

Real talk does the Akatsuki not know that the person hosting these exams is a jinchuriki he is the Kazekage

“Hi there, are you guys cliff-climbing too? Hang in there” KAKASHI HATAKE WITH SHITTY TRAINING PUNS COMING 2 SAVE MY LIFE 

Honestly Guy is the only sensei who seems to train his own kunoichi directly because both Ino and Hinata have clan-based jutsu and all of Kakashi’s babies were taken in by the Sanin

“The great nations don’t understand pain” like half the Leaf Village is orphans what more do u want from them Ajisai

“The Hidden Rain will soon be reborn” “Does that mean you’re gonna be more friendly then?” suffice to say the answer was no

Love my Leaf boys who won’t let people from other villages be attacked in an unfair way even by their own fellow villagers

Lee realizing that trash-talking insects doesn’t really work lmao 

Props to Lee for not holding a grudge against Gaara because he was both the reason he was injured before the last invasion and also one of the invaders  

“Sensei, have I gotten stronger since the last Chunin exam?” “Well, you should have” Inspiring self-confidence with Might Guy 

What a gentle and peppy intro it’s a change of pace from the intense bops

Thank you!!!!! I still don’t understand why Sakura couldn’t take out the first insect because she’s like the strongest woman alive

Omg Ino gently taking Sakura’s hand to heal it my bisexual heart <3 

“Where’s Shikamaru?” “He’s seeing off the delegates from the Hidden Sand” HE’S FLIRTING WITH TEMARI MY BOI

I aspire 2 be as committed to avoiding talking about my feelings as Asuma Sarutobi

Tsunade just doesn’t have the energy to entertain student rivalry lol 

“You just broke my concentration since you kept peeking over at me” this entire episode is incredibly gay and I love it 

“Because of you, I’m going to the place where I belong” this is ninja code for gay marriage (see: Tenzo’s infinite Tsukuyomi scene)

I LOVE SAKURA SHE PICKED A FIGHT WITH A SCORPION TO GET DINNER FOR HER FRIENDS MY KIND OF GAL

It actually makes complete sense that Tsunade never intended for Ino to become a medical ninja because it’s not Ino’s strongest technique but it’s useful on multiple levels 

I don’t know what Ino’s future job is supposed to be but I hope it’s Head of the intelligence division bc of Inoichi’s legacy

Honestly Sakura becomes even more impressive when you consider every battle she fought up until the war she was consistently depleting her chakra it’s a disadvantage similar to Kakashi’s sharingan and yet she not only managed to keep from being hospitalized but also was able to fight the Akatsuki and perform surgery

Honestly what on earth is this Sasuke business what a non-sequitor

Take a shot every time Orochimaru kidnaps a child

The fact that Sakura braces for impact bc she won’t even consider dodging at the cost of abandoning Ino’s body nfdgbfdgjdhfb

“I don’t care about the Chunin exams, I want to have my revenge!” okay Anime Bride of Chuckie 

“He’s probably forgotten all about you and has already found a better partner” Kurama truly hitting Naruto where it hurts 

I’m so proud of Sakura she is absolutely fucking adorable 

“Gaara, let’s get dinner” I’ve never heard those words said so intensely

Why is the animation on this sand so much better than the animation on literally anything else 

“Make sure he doesn’t step foot outside” lmao @ Gaara’s siblings trying to babysit him even though he’s the leader of the village

FURTHER LAUGHTER AT GAARA SNEAKING OUT OF HIS ROOM LIKE THE TEENAGER HE IS 

“This will take a lot more than gutsiness to overcome” [Naruto in the distance: How dare u Neji]

TEAM GUY CUDDLING OUT THE SANDSTORM I LOVE THEM!!!!

“I told you I was right,” said Mikoshi, as he began to drown in a pit of sand

Oh my god Fu wants to make a hundred friends to end all wars what a gal

“He sounds exactly like the kind of guy I’d like to meet and become friends with” that’s actually sad both because she dies before she can really know Naruto but he does meet her eventually through the tailed beasts

“Well, see ya!” jbfjhdkfjhgkjh Team Jonin Sensei is truly a beautiful thing 

It takes the Akatsuki like three days to extract a tailed beast and this dude is trying to do it in 30 seconds good luck my dude

Poor Neji he can’t stand to disappoint other people 

“We can’t just ignore someone in distress” Team Guy Saving People During the Chunin Exams Count: 4 <333

Take a shot every time someone on this show fantasizes about Naruto

“Yes, but that’s only because he’s a fool” this might be the closest Gaara has come to insulting Naruto in years

I want so badly for Neji and Gaara to be friends I love lonely ninja boys

"Get ready Fu, you’re next!” “Okay!!” I’ve never seen someone look so excited to get poked in the stomach

“I thank you, Neji. Never thought you’d rescue me” Team Guy Saving People During the Chunin Exams Count: 7

Take a shot every time Gaara tells someone about his crush on Naruto

“I wanted to try to heal the hurt I’d caused everyone” Gaara <3

Why are there so many heaven scrolls that seems to be all that anyone has

Gaara @ all the exam participants: You get to be a Chunin! You get to be a Chunin! Everyone gets to be a Chunin! 

OH MY GOD I JUST REALIZED THAT AJISAI IS ONE OF THE BODIES OF PAIN I DIDN’T REALIZE IT UNTIL THE EXAM WAS OVER BUT THEY’RE ABOUT TO CONFIRM IT

Are we about to watch a montage of all the people who died since the Chunin exams 

Oh my GOD Fu trying to befriend Kakuzu RIP 

Well I guess Neji’s double promotion makes way more sense than him taking a Jonin exam like months after his Chunin exam but still what an arbitrary decision-making process

[hayjeon]

Story Talk: Cardiovascular Palpitations

Hey! So after I finish a fic/series/story with multiple parts, I’ll try upload a story talk, which is basically just a post where I can informally chat about what my goals were for that particular fic and how I feel about it as a writer. (like the name is based off of something like pillow talk where its a very comfortable setting where i can share) Just basically a place where I can communicate with you guys and answer any questions, clear up my thoughts, whatever. 

Sort of like how actors or directors do a voiceover commentary on their movies, that’s sort of what a story talk is! And usually it’ll have a lot more information that I might have left out that helps the storyline become more coherent. Sort of like scenes that were unincluded in a movie. HAHA enjoy! 

ps. i just talk wherever it leads me, but if you have any specific questions you want to ask about the story, pls send me them! i love love love getting questions about my stories because it makes me think more as a writer and challenges me to be more detailed. 

Whew! So that whole story was like 17k words and initially I intended it to be one whole thing but it was becoming way too long for me to handle so I decided to split it into two parts! :) I hope you guys liked it, please let me know what you thought. 

with this story though, i wanted to break away from all the angst on my blog looool i feel like all my stories are sooooo...sad omg, don't you think? haha but its because i think more of my creativity and character portrayal comes out when i write angsty ones. plus I'm just a sucker for angsty fics and angsty smut.

but i adore the friends with benefits au and i also love the whole doctors au as well. i was inspired to write this like halfway through a chapter of sutures and stitches because doctor!jeongguk was killing me. did anyone watch doctor stranger or doctor crush? both dramas were so well written and shot and i just love love love the idea of that au. also imagine jeongguk in scrubs and a long white coat with his curly hair omg

but jeongguk looks really really hot when he's concentrated and i loved imagining him performing surgeries and stuff when i wrote this. i was going to put in a scene where they perform a surgery together, to show how they work as a pair, but i think that dynamic was portrayed well through her explanation of how they ended up being partners. 

with tae, i think he fit the role so well, of being the sweet and perfect potential, but just not being the fitting puzzle piece for y/n. i’m a believer in organic relationships and i would want my husband to be my soulmate, same as how y/n noticed that tae was such a great potential, but just not her soulmate. he would’ve made a great boyfriend too!, with his perfect personality and all but i think y/n and her more pessimistic cynicism and negativity that is basically me and my grumpy self l o l, learns to realize the importance of having someone like jeongguk where she can see his imperfections and love them, where tae’s imperfections are harder to see and his perfectness kind of makes her retreat into this shell of being unable to speak out her thoughts. 

jeongguk mentioned that he likes y/n’s ability to speak her mind and not back down from anything? i think the point where we all realize that it’s more in favor of Jeongguk is when tae orders her a salad and she tamps down her desire for a pizza. since when did she become so meek?! which is why she belongs with jk, who lets her be the confident and strong woman she is without enforcing anything on her that changes her or affects her natural character that he loves

i think thats a great role for a guy to play in a relationship, for him to let the woman be herself, sort of silently supporting her and loving her with all he has. of course in a lot of kdramas, the girl is this poor weakling who relies on the guy, but i like all my main characters to be confident, strong women. not saying that y/n is perfect or has never experienced anything hard in her life, no. but she learns to be herself and to hold her ground wherever she is and thats how she worked her way up the ladder so soon. 

i genuinely love the dynamic that they have together, (and you’ll see more of their relationship in the drabbles i post) where jeongguk is kind of like always beside y/n, never stepping too far out front or behind, always at this equal place. she relies on him, but he relies on her too. idk if that makes sense but i love love that kind of trust and equality in a relationship. and i don't think thats feminist at all; its just a normal dynamic of equality and trust. 

but anyway, they’ll learn to love each other even more throughout their relationship and i’ll be consistently visintg the cardiopalp couple with drabbles and short sequels/prequels to give more information and detail about their past and future. i love this couple to death, and you guys are gonna love what i have planned for them ;) 

i think this fic challenged me as a writer to really try and complete a series of events and changes in a short fic. to be honest, short fics are harder to write than longer ones!!! its bc there are so many emotions and events and characterizations to write, but so little time/words to do it in. sometimes i feel like my writing is at its worst in shorter ones like cardiopalps, bc when i read over my work, it feels a little rushed at times and i sometimes have to delete huge sections and re-write it because its just not flowing like i want it to. and to include smut with all that too is like 4k  more words of stress lol 

but I'm so glad its over and I'm also feeling really good bc i finally have a finished fic on my blog lol there are so many ongoing pics that i feel sort of restless whenever a new idea pops into my head and I'm tempted to start it and post it and I'm like hay, no, you have like 4 other things to finish. 

anyways, thanks for reading, and i hope you enjoyed reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it! it gives me a moment to like informally just talk, and flow instead of having to think about plot lines or whatever. if u have any questions about this or any other ongoing fic, drop in an ask and i’ll make sure to include a blurb about it in my next cardio palp and answer it on my blog as well! 

thank you so much for loving cardiopalps! i really enjoyed writing it and really loves the sweet messages about it! thanks so much ♡ 

until next time, 

hay ♡

[labellerose-acheron]

Name: Queen MK

Characters: Belle Rose Beauton, Onyango Simba Lyons, Copper Thomas Russell, Drizella Catherine Tremaine, Toulouse Henri Bonfamille, Bambino Daryl Basurto, Perdita Mariel Faye, Joshua “Strongbear” Sweet, Maui, Urania of Hesiod, Attina Morgan Triton, Hercules Odysseus Persaud

**i just want to note that i wrote the vast majority of this at the beginning of the month before we got all our lovely new members, so just shout to everyone for being lovely writers and lovely people and making this community special!

Pick a thread from the past six months that you’re proud of and talk about why. Ugh, fuck, okay. I’m gonna try to go character by character bc so many good ones??

Belle: “Letter of Recommendation” - Beautibbs. Man, this thread straight fucked me up. It was supposed to be just something really chill, because Belle was a huge Charms nerd and she totally would’ve been a teacher’s pet to Tibbs. In HP world, I took advantage of the fact that Belle’s father left more recently than in current canon, and wanted to explore that and, surprisingly, Beautibbs was where I got to actually feel it the most. Belle is normally so composed, and the fact that she broke down--well, it was so real. She’d been putting so much pressure on herself and to see her crack was kind of cathartic for me, and for her. The fact that it was totally unexpected was what made it feel even more natural.

Simba: “Stays in Vegas” - Simber. I loved “Stays in Vegas” because the whole marriage thing was something I’d wanted to explore for a while. There are a lot of things about Simba and Ber’s relationship that are not what Simba anticipated in a relationship, and as someone who has spent his whole life thinking about the person he’s going to be with and what that relationship is gonna be like--it’s interesting to break that down. And I like exploring Simba’s insecurities too. Not his whole “I Killed My Dad” thing, but the fact that he is really always afraid of people leaving him in relationships, or that he is “too much” or pushes for things too soon. So, yeah, idk, that was really fun.

Copper: “Pixie’s Stalker” - Coperi. This thread was so good for me, because it had so many layers. It was Copper at his purest. He wanted to help Peri and give her good advice. At the same time, he was trying to think of Tink too, who he has kind of a special bond with. Then, thinking about his own mother, which he never really does, so that was nice too, because he does have some unexplored abandonment issues.

Drizella: “The Perfect Dress” - Double Trouble. What I really love about RPing with Kiara is that she has this natural instinct about the way a thread should go, and it just makes threads with her so pleasant. The chemistry that Zella and Ana have is so good, too. This thread was great because both of them were dealing with things that they weren’t talking about, it was all underground, but they still knew that the other person was dealing with things. It just felt really natural and totally sisterly.

Toulouse: “Miscalculations” - Berlou feat Roscoe. Big shout out to Lauren for this one, because when I first brought her the idea I wanted a duel, I didn’t mention anything about unforgivable curses or anything, but then she brought it up and I was really excited (especially because we didn’t tell Lauryl, sry lauryl.) It was just so great, because I always say Lou would be entirely ruthless if anyone ever hurt his siblings and I mean it. I finally got to show that, and it was so thrilling to write. Getting to write a really dark side of Lou was so great, and the fallout was lovely too.

Bambino: “On the Edge” - Merfawn. FUCK. This thread was so great. Like, I loved it because we didn’t have a plan for it. We just wanted them to RP together and they both run around in the woods, so it would be a good spot for them to meet up. It was Reanna who took it in such a great direction by having Ariel bring up the Prince. It was just such a good instinct and since this was one of my first threads with Reanna, it really impressed me and I just had a lot of fun with it.

Perdita: “Isn’t There Any Hope?” - Fate. How could I not talk about this thread? It started in December, but I can’t help it. The first time Paul and Perdita see each other in 4 months and it was just so full of emotion. I loved that Lauryl and I had discussed kind of the entire timeline of their backstory because it made it really easy to draw from and their chemistry felt really natural. It’s always a worry with relationships that are pre-established, there is going to be no chemistry, but man, do Paul and Perdita have it and you could just feel the love they have (had) for each other and the struggle that they were going through.

Sweet: “A Code in Process” - Sweet Mouse. Ugh, this one was just so good. Mostly because I actually got to perform surgery!! And that was just so fucking fun, and Kiara made it a blast. It really kind of solidified Minnie and Sweet’s relationship during this high stress environment and I just thought that was super rewarding. (Shout out to the Mr. Crowley arc with Nala, Tibbs, and Minnie. It’s been so much fun and I’m excited for the conclusion.)

Maui: “Helping Hand” - Celaui. I think Katie listed this one as well, and well, yeah, totally makes sense because this is the thing that everyone wants out of a starter. The relationship that was built after this initial thread was so beautiful and nuanced and is continuing to grow, and I just love that.

Urania: “Follow Up Interview” - Star Destroyer. Fuck me, I love this thread so much. It was kind of a random idea that just steamrolled into what it is now, and it’s another one of those plots that just feels really natural to me. And I love the dynamic of both Urania and Dornan thinking that the other is below them. They’re totally underestimating each other and I’d love to play with that power dynamic more and dig deeper into it.

Identify a challenge you’ve faced in this rp. Reflect on why this is a challenge for you. Are there any strategies you can develop to overcome this challenge?

Like many people, I struggle with plotting. A lot of times I have an end goal in mind, but I struggle with how to get there. For me, I don’t have a problem approaching people, I love talking and I don’t mind bothering more shy people to talk to me, but I have a problem sharing my ideas, because I worry that people won’t like them.

I’ve just tried becoming more confident with my ideas. I get characters now with secrets, or an end goal that I can kind of use as a jumping off point for plots. It has really helped because I feel like I can almost always find a reason or a thing that my character is grappling with.

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you! ) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

Copper. Copperrrr. My lil honey. So, lots of people know that Copper is my hardest muse. I really don’t know what the problem is, but it’s just always been that way. Recently, though, he’s come so far, and I’ve kind of finally unstuck him from his shitty thought processes. I think that was the problem, now that I’m writing this lol. He was so resistant to change, but I just completely broke him down. Between Tod and Rajah and Shego, I managed to break him and now I’m building him back up, and that’s really satisfying to me.

He feels much more malleable, which is kind of where I wanted him to start with. So, that’s really nice. And making him a dad was really the right move because now he has this thing that reminds him to stay grounded and to be patient and understanding and more open, because his daughter is going to have magic and he loves her so much, so how could it be bad or wrong?

I am curious to see what he’ll be like as a single dad. Should be interesting.

Zella, also, has been so great. I really wanna push her more, but I’ve loved what has happened with her the past few months. She’s made a lot of mistakes and she’s trying to distance herself from them and start being serious about her future and she’s growing so much (even if no one but me can see it lmao) and I’m excited to see what happens.

Pick another character and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them for the rest of the year?

Well, like a good mother, I have plans for all my beebs.

Belle: she is growing so much and getting so strong. I want to continue that thread for her. I want her to go back to school (I’ve started planting the seeds for that already.)

Simba: ugh, my babe. He has some hard times coming up based on a plot that will come to fruition at the end of summer. Through that I really want to explore Simba’s plurality of independence and doing what is expected of him and how that will affect his relationships and, in turn, affect how he views his “duties” to his family name.

Copper: be a dad. That’s p much it. I think Copper has had a really hard life, and he deserves to just enjoy being a father and be as good of one to Isabel as he can be.

Drizella: I want her to have everything stripped from her (in the process of doing so.) I want her to become more of a champion for women and move away from her mother’s toxic thinking. I want her to grow closer to both her sisters and to embrace her own path.

Toulouse: ugh, i just want my baby to be happy. I don’t know what it will be that makes him happy, but I know it won’t involve painting, at least not as a career, and I want him to accept that and realize it doesn’t make him a bad son for wanting something different. Also, I do want him to find love again, because tbh I like him better in a relationship lmao.

Bambi: explore his sexuality more. Embrace himself. And definitely get closer with his dad. That’s super important and I want it really badly, because Prince is really the only one who can help Bambi heal from his mother’s death.

Perdita: Well, she knows about her post-partum now, which yay! So, now I want to work on her relationships. I want her to start mending the town’s image of her, because she’s really not as crazy as everyone thinks she is, lol. Like, she is a normal person, I promise. She won’t be having any more manic episodes or huge explosions. (Unless something goes real wrong, lmao.) I also want her to get a better job, that’s more in line with her long term goals for herself.

Sweet: MORE SURGERY. Also I want to explore his past more. I want him to open up to someone about his magic. I also need him to make friends outside of the hospital, pls and thanx.

Maui: I want him to fall. I want him to totally crash and burn. I want someone to steal his hook and leave him with nothing. (Before that, though, I want him to get risen up, and to help a few people so that when he crashes, they can come to his aid and make him realize that he’s good enough without his hook.)

Urania: She wants to take over the world. I want her to take over the world. Simple.

Attina: As one of my new babes, I have a lot of plans for her. I want to explore her relationship with each of her sisters. I want her to go on lots of dates and to get herself crushed and to have successful dates too. Also, long term, I want her to like re-examine her life and figure out that she really is not happy and wants so much more.

Hercules: UGH my lil babe, I have so many plans. I need him to learn to control his strength, though I want this to be a slow process. And I definitely, definitely want him to figure out where he is from. (I have a whole idea set up, but I just need him to get there. It’ll also be a slow process, probably.)

OPTIONAL (REQUIRED FOR THOSE WHO DIDN’T DO THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE): In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 strengths and talk about why you think it’s one of your strengths.

Setting: I have a very visual memory. Like--I can remember where on a page something was, even if I don’t remember the exact wording, and I almost always remember what people were wearing during important events. So, I know details about where someone are can be really important and I love describing like the things around someone. All my characters’ homes (and their other spaces, like Chapter Three), I have the entire floor plan of.

Action: I was always taught that movement was really important in a story. And my teacher was big about character quirks, so I just naturally incorporated it into my own writing. Body language is super fascinating to me and I love including it into movement for my characters.

Character Detail: I’ve become obsessed with charting out my character’s lives. It might because I’ve gotten older characters recently, but, I find it really important to know like--everywhere my character has lived and their families (including uncles/aunts/cousins). So, I really feel like I know my characters as people. Which makes it easy for me to slip into their skin and know how they’d react to a situation. I know their little ticks and what their motivations are.

OPTIONAL (REQUIRED FOR THOSE WHO DIDN’T DO THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE): In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 areas of improvement.

Rambling: Sometimes I feel like my posts have a point in the beginning and then the middle is a mess and then I’m like oh crap I gotta like do an action/dialogue/have a point to this lol. I think that kind of thing can work when you have a point, go on a tangent and weave the point through the tangent, but I don’t think ahead in my posts, so that always falls flat. It’s always a happy accident if I can find a way to draw it back.

Proofreading: I know it’s RP and we all write a lot so missing a word here or there or something isn’t a big deal. But, I feel like if I read back through my posts sometimes, I could incorporate later ideas in my post. That’s just something I wanna kind of work on, so I can be more thoughtful with my posts.

OPTIONAL (REQUIRED FOR THOSE WHO DIDN’T DO THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE): Reflect on other writers you love– in the rp or out! How have they influenced you? What do you love about their writing that you want to bring to your own?

Man, I love all y’all. Shout out to some of our new babes: Silv does so great with backstory, I’m always so intrigued, and like I said above, I love planning that kind of shit out, so I always get hype when other people do it too. Also Reanna puts so much enthusiasm into everything she does, it makes me excited to RP, and I love that. Bee also cranks out some lines sometimes where I’m like umm?? Wtf?? That was so good?? Chloe too, just, ugh her writing sometimes. It’s so minimal but not in an obnoxious hemingway-way. Her one shots are so succinct. I love reading them.

I can’t wait to get to know our new-new babes tooo!

IF YOU DID THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE: Alright, now pick an item from the Wishlist you completed in January that you’ve started to pursue. How far are you from completing this goal? Talk about the steps you took to make it happen.

I’m getting ready to (and have started to) explore race/sexuality in an off dash kenya thread w simba and kiara and ber and that’ll be interesting bc they all relate to their race/sexuality differently. It’ll be interesting putting them in an entirely different worlds. Of course, Simba and Ber have been lots of places, but mostly pretty liberal. Kenya is a place where sexuality is not really talked about and there is a bit of hostility towards white people. It’s basically the reverse of everything they’ve known.

I think it’s really interesting to explore Simba’s relationship with his race and sexuality through this, since he loves his family so much and he doesn’t like to lie; but he knows a good bit of his family doesn’t approve. And then, with Kiara, who is half-black/half-white and gay herself, and Ber who is white and queer--it’s gonna be really interesting to see them all navigate that space and still try to find a sense of belonging within it.

Oh, as for making it happen, I have mostly Lauryl to thank, though, I mean I orchestrated some of it myself. Simba was cut off from his family (voluntarily). He reconnected with his mother in July but didn’t reconnect with everyone else until around December, when one of his cousins had a baby. Which led to Simba connecting with all of his cousins again. And then, after everything that Kiara has gone through, Simba wanted her to realize that she does have a place that she belongs, and a family who love and support her; hence why they made the trip to Kenya.

IF YOU DID THE LAST QUESTIONNAIRE: Pick another item on your wishlist that hasn’t happened yet. We’re gonna do a MOCK-PLOT!!!

Zella Follows her Dreams:

This might be cheating, since one thread has already started, but we’re gonna use it anyways.

Milla confronts her daughter about not having any plans for after school. Zella confesses she wants to be a stylist. Milla cuts her off financially.

Zella throws a fit about this and disowns herself from the family, bumming around places. (Marie’s, Jenny’s, etc.) They start asking questions Zella doesn’t want to answer sooo

Zella finally shacks up with Ella.

Ella encourages her to #followherdreams and in return Zella tells Ella to get a fucking backbone (but hopefully she’ll be nicer at this point.)

Zella applies to a few internship programs and gets one!! Then she goes to follow her dreams!!

(I would also like to include Ana in this plot but idk how Ana will react so that is something I’ve got to discuss w Kiara.)

Finally: write a NEW wish list for the upcoming half of the year. It’s fine if you use a lot from your previous wish list if you still haven’t completed them and you still want to!

Smut – well, i still haven’t bottomed as a male; but i’ve done some hetero from the female perspective so that’s fun. My new smut goal is: different positions!! Different places!! Missionary is fun and all but;; gets borin and i like body positions so it’d be interesting to try some new stuff (i am talking about this like it is my actual sex life lmao)

Slow Burn – who doesn’t love a slow burn romance? i think it makes a ship feel so much more real when characters are angsting and pining and things keep them apart, whether it be timing, one of them dating someone else, miscommunication, or just general fear of hurt–ugh just give it to me (but not for months). This hasn’t happened yet and that is #rude someone get @ me.

Murder – i want to kill someone. i want someone to kill one of my characters. either one. both. who knows. Okay seriously; Urania needs to kill someone. 

 Kidnapping – someone kidnap one of my characters. ← still relevant

Abortion – i mean, i just think it would be interesting to have a character go through/have to contemplate getting an abortion. from either male or female perspectives. i have several possibilities /eyes zella in particular or tbh lou /eyes lou too ← also still relevant

Surgery/Illness – i love me some good ol’fashion hurt/comfort. also, sweet loves surgery, so if anyone’s characters need surgery, you want them to get hurt or sick, sweet is your guy. but, i mean we all know i love fucking up my characters (gave simba appendicitis, had lou get impaled, copp got shot like forever ago who remembers that eh?) so if you wanna beat up/attack my characters get at me ← always down for this if u wanna injure ur babe

Travel – i’ve had a few characters (lou, zella, simba) take trips to other places; but i would love to get out of swynlake for some threads. why not? ← always down for travel too

Race/Sexuality – i have a couple of characters who i’d love to explore their racial identity in a negative situation. swynlake is pretty free of, like, blatant racists (excluding magick-ists), so i would be curious to see how simba/sweet/etc deals with that. same with sexuality, swynlake is pretty accepting but i’d love for them to confront some homophobia because both that and racism, is, unfortunately realistic and prevalent. ← this is always something interesting

Big Plots – i LOVE big plots and i want to do them with more than just lauryl sorry lauryl i love u. but i want big plotty plots with EVERYONE! stuff that’ll fuck up your characters or my characters or both or they’ll GROW by the end, just stuff that will be an uphill battle. who wants to fight with meee? ← still RELEVANT

In more specific terms:

I want Belle to go back to school.

I want Simba to also go back to school lol

I want Copper to learn how to be a dad, even if that journey eventually takes him out of Swynlake to somewhere he deems “safer.”

I want Zella to go to her internship or w/e and embrace her differences and unlearn the toxic behavior her mother encouraged.

I want Lou to figure out that painting is not what he wants to do w his life. I also want him to date bc I like him better in a relationship lol

I want Bambi to kind of shed his reservations about being who he is and embrace it (both as the Young Prince and his sexuality.)

I want Perdita to continue to recover from her post-partum and mend her relationship with Paul so that they can successfully coparent their kids (and fall in love)

I want Sweet to make friends outside of the hospital. I also want him to mess up and have his hubris catch up to him.

I want Urania to take over the world.

I want Maui to get bolstered up and then I want him to crash and burn and then I want to raise him up again.

I want Attina to find love, but more than that, I want her to accept that she’s not gonna be able to control her sisters and learn to do her own thing.

I want Herc to learn where he’s from, but even more importantly I want him to accept himself for who he is.

[imagine-ikebukuro]

tagged in a few things

more under the cut!

92 truths meme

Tagged by: @glitzcake​ thank u!

LAST…

[1] Drink: orange juice

[2] Phone call: a friend of mine, annika

[3]Text message: my brother

[4] Song you listened to: this remix, i’m obsessed with it lately!

[5] Time you cried: aw shit, a few days ago? last weekend? idk man

HAVE YOU EVER…

[6] Dated someone twice: no

[7] Been cheated on: nope

[8] Kissed someone and regretted it: yup

[9] Lost someone special: kind of? but… more in a sense of drifting apart rather than someone passing away

[10] Been depressed: not diagnosed, but i’m pretty sure my mental health is not at its best at all

[11] Gotten drunk and thrown up: lmao yes and not only once either

LIST THREE FAVOURITE COLORS…

[12] grey!

[13] turquoise!

[14] burgundy!

IN THE LAST YEAR…

[15] IN THE LAST YEAR…

[16] fallen out of love: nah

[17] laughed until you cried: pretty sure

[18] found out someone was talking about you: people be talking shit 24/7 and all i gotta say about it: I DON’T CARE AS LONG AS IT’S ABOUT ME

[19] met someone who changed you: mhhhh, no not really

[20] found out who your true friends are: definitely!

[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: yeeeaaah? could’ve been in 2015, my sense of time is terrible Dx

GENERAL…

[22] how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: 90% of people, 5% others are friends i’ve known for several months or years over the internet and 5% are random people or some “celebrities” i found lmao

[23] do you have any pets: no, sadly not ;;

[24] do you want to change your name: i’m fine with my name, tbh!

[25] what did you do for your last birthday: i went to the museum and ate sushi with my family and a few weeks later had a party with my friends

[26] what time did you wake up: today? 8am

[27] what were you doing at midnight last night: watching youtube videos

[28] name something you cannot wait for: to finally be accepted to college and not being nervous about applying for university and everything, but have it all sorted out

[29] when was the last time you saw your mother: she’s sitting in the same room as me right now

[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: if i could go back in time, i would do anything to have my father and i get along properly today

[31] what are you listening to right now: a zelda remix playlist

[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: actually, yes, i had a huge crush on someone named tom, he was two classes above me during middle school

[33] something that is getting you nervous: the thought of me getting my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow, ugh. also, general organization and planning shit, like applying for college, moving out of my hometown, living on my own very soon, being forced to meet new people, all that jazz.

[34] most visited website: i guess tumblr? even though, lately, it’s probably youtube

[35] elementary: 2004 - 2008

[36] high school: graduated last year

[37] college: i can apply for my first semester next week. if i’m accepted, i’ll start going there in fall this year.

[38] hair color: i’m a ginger, so red-brown

[39] long or short hair: short! i cut it into an undercut like almost 2 years ago

[40] do you have a crush on someone: no, i avoid that shit

[41] what do you like about yourself: my eye color?

[42] piercings: i literally got zero piercings, not even on my ears, but i wish i had an industrial piercing and i used to really want flesh tunnels, maybe i’ll get there eventually

[43] blood type: i actually don’t know :^)

[44] nickname: some people call me lilly, some call me li. the villagers in my animal crossing town call me ukeprince, wot

[45] relationship status: married to the neighbour’s cat which i saw from my window and went out for just to pet it about 500 times by now

[46] zodiac sign: virgo!

[47] pronouns: they/them, she/her, he/him

[48] fav tv show: at the moment i’m watching PLL (but i don’t like it at all so rip) my favorite’s gotta be buffy the vampire slayer!

[49] tattoos: none yet

[50] right or left hand: right handed

FIRST…

[51] surgery: i had surgery in my mouth last year and like mentioned above, i’m getting my wisdom teeth removed tomorrow, if that counts

[52] piercing: none

[53] best friend: she’s not even active on tumblr anymore, rip, her name’s lydia though IF YOU READ THIS, THEN HELLO MY BRO

[54] sport: i’m planning to swim regularly again after recovering and healing up from surgery

[55] vacation: if it counts, my first ever “vacation” was the music festival Rock im Park 2013 with my father and a good friend of mine

[56] pair of trainers: no clue

RIGHT NOW…

[57] eating: nothing

[58] drinking: orange juice

[59] i’m about to: maybe get to playing some loz: botw

[60] listening to: still the loz remix playlist

[61] waiting for: anxious feelings to pass

[62] want: a huge cup of coffee

[63] get married: nopedy nope, i don’t fixate myself on wishing to get married. if it happens, it happens and i’ll be happy about it, but if not, then that’s cool on my terms, too!

[64] career: i’m working on becoming a teacher (i want to teach german, english and ethics in high schools)

WHICH IS BETTER…

[65] hugs or kisses: honestly, it depends, but generally, i’d say hugs

[66] lips or eyes: eyessss

[67] shorter or taller: i don’t care, both is nice

[68] older or younger: as long as it’s pretty close to my age, i don’t mind

[69] romantic or spontaneous: neither LMAO if i had to chose, romantic, bc i’m as spontaneous as a potato, i gotta plan ahead, bruh

[70] nice arms or nice stomach: stomach! and by that i mean any kind of stomach! ripped af or soft, i’m weak.

[71] sensitive or loud: sensitive

[72] hook up or relationship: relationship

[73] troublemaker or hesitant: a nice balance between the two would be cool. let’s be real though, troublemakers always catch my eye, even though i’m quickly annoyed by them just as well wtf is wrong with me

HAVE YOU EVER…

[74] kissed a stranger?: no

[75] drank hard liquor?: yes

[76] lost glasses/contact lenses?: no wtf i’d be walking around half blind

[77] turned someone down: yes

[78] sex on first date?: no

[79] broken someone’s heart?: apparently so

[80] had your own heart broken?: at the time i think i would’ve called it that, but honestly, it wasn’t that horrible, so nah?

[81] been arrested?: no

[82] cried when someone died?: yeah

[83] fallen for a friend?: do lowkey crushes count in which you gush over how amazing someone is? platonic crushes? it’s a thing.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

[84] yourself?: i used not to, but lately i’m more confident i think!

[85] miracles?: not really

[86] love at first sight?: no

[87] Santa Claus?: no

[88] kiss on the first date?: sure

[89] angels?: no

OTHER…

[90] current best friend’s name: Lydia

[91] eye color: greyish-green (if i cry or sometimes late at night they’re really GREEN!)

[92] favorite movie: nightmare before christmas!

10 questions ask game.

tagged by @peacefuldesires​ thx!

What things make you smile and all warm-fuzzy inside? CATS no seriously, i can have the worst day, but when i walk home and get to pet a cat on the way, i instantly better. i remember coming home after my last final exam all upset and a cat meowing at me and purring and wanting to cuddle with me and i couldn’t help but smile!

What things make you feel a bit sad (don’t push yourself to answer this one)? my current family situation, there’s a bit of drama and fights going on.

What things inspire you to grow? anything and everything, to be honest. there’s new things you experience and learn every single day. things you conquer and master just fine and mistakes you make and all of them shape you into knowing what to do next time a bit more.

The last song(s) that you couldn’t stop listening to? i can’t really think of anything right now, uhhhh, i’ve been listening to the trust me durarara!! ending lately again haha

5. Are you an introvert/extrovert/ambivert? What kind (are you a shy extrovert, super confident introvert, or perhaps a really confused ambivert :0)?: i’m an introvert through and through. i wouldn’t say i’m exceptionally shy nor super confident. i’m somewhere in between. it really depends, around my friends i’m outgoing and cheering and with certain strangers, especially if i know i have to talk with them for literally no longer than 3 minutes right now (i.e. a cashier or someone you walk past) then i’m polite and rather talkative. i just feel exhausted even after spending a lot of time with friends, though the time was enjoyable, but i need my alone time for sure.

What calms you down? the triangle breath! it’s my favorite method to use whenever i feel anxious, upset, angry, or just need to stop and pause for a few minutes. you picture a triangle in your mind (you can even trace it with your finger, or if you can draw it on a piece of paper). you take a breath in through your nose, tracing one side of the triangle. then you breathe out through your mouth, tracing the second and third side of it. other than that, listening to music, taking a nap, petting a cat, watching videos of cats or other cute stuff, sometimes playing a video game.

A character that you really relate to (perhaps you have similar personalities, or maybe you came from similar backgrounds)?: this is gonna sound trashy, but saeyoung choi from mystic messenger and there’s a story behind it too. my friends were playing it way before me and told me “there’s this character that looks just like you, you know nerd glasses, messy red hair, always wearing a baggy black hoodie. he even acts like you, making puns and using memes ALL THE TIME!” and it’s true lmao. also, kaneki ken to some extent? like i really resonate with his personality, the choices he makes, his thoughts speak to me, he’s pretty harsh on himself and goes through ways that are self destructive if he can help others with it.

One thing you love learning? language, it’s just fascinating to me.

Angst or fluff? ANGST, I AM THE ANGST QUEEN, COME ON

If you punch yourself, does that mean you’re strong or does that mean you’re weak? neither and a little bit of both at the same time. let’s go deep in on this one and take the “punch” as emotional self loathing. bashing yourself down definitely doesn’t mean you’re strong, it doesn’t make you tough at all, it only means you’re harsh on yourself. it doesn’t make you weak either. you’re making yourself believe you are weak, but the fact that you endure that and still have the power to do so, means you’re tougher than you’re think.

MY QUESTIONS:

Now that spring’s here, what’s your favorite thing about this season and what do you not like about it?

What’s your spirit animal? Literally. Which animal do you think resembles your inner self and why? (maybe your Patronus, if you know it?

What’s your go-to order at a café?

Do you consider yourself to be creative?

If you could go back in time and change something, would you? If so, what? If not, why?

Where do you see yourself in 20 years from now?

Home sweet home, what makes you feel comfortable in your own home? What’s the overall aesthetic of your room, any colors, textures, an atmosphere, do you maybe keep many stuffed animals or posters or plants?

What do you think is most important when it comes to friendship?

What’s something you improved in since last year?

Werewolves or Vampires, which are cooler?

I tag: @imagine-your-party-hosts​ || @obsessivefujoshi​ || @dotaccino​ || @mollyxmousey​ || anyone who wants to do this

[arsenicfrosting]

1-92?!

Alright sorry for taking forever but here ya go:

1. How many bruises on you right now? Not as many as usual. I always seem to have multiple bruises on my legs 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Correct 3. Have you stayed in a hospital? Too many times 4. Is trust a big issue for you? I don’t put much trust in anybody so I guess that means it’s an issue?5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Does my dog count6. What are you excited for? Turning 21 next month7. What happened tonight? I snuggled with my son and didn’t want to put him to bed bc he was being so cute and cracking us both up8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? No?? I’d be the last person to judge ppl for excessive drinking lol9. Is confidence cute? Cute is an odd word for that but sure10. What is the last beverage you had? Water with ACV11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? Nobody lmfao men r trash12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Several but I can’t stand wearing anything other than sweats or leggings13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?Nothing special 14. What are you going to spend money on next? Probably cigarettes 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? “Going out” lol this isn’t 7th grade but no I’m not in like a ~legit~ relationship 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Of course. Probably not for the better tho :)17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Nobody, not even myself!18. The last time you felt broken? Shit when’s the last time I DIDNT feel fucking broken19. Have you had a soft drink today?No20. Are you starting to realize anything?I’m realizing that if shit in my life doesn’t change drastically soon, I’m not gonna make it21. Are you in a good mood? I’m sober so that would be a big NO22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? Fuck yeah hopefully they would eat me as a snack that would be so cute23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes (hazel)24. What do you want right this second? I want to be in the woods with a rack of beer n some deer25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? “Nice how was it”26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? Yes27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? I don’t think I’d be able to date anyone in general28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? My sister told me about a podcast she was listening to about a girl who had period sex and afterwards the sheets were covered in blood so while the dude was in the bathroom she shoved them in her backpack and RAN OUT but then at the subway station some cops were doing bag searches and she ended up going back to the guys house WITH the cops to assure them she didn’t commit murder or something LMAO29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? Not really30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? No31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Nope32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? Idk33. Are you one of those people who never drinks water? YES lmao I only drink hella water the day after getting fucked up34. Listening to? My sister watching Jane the Virgin35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Ew no36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? Yeah37. Do you believe in love at first sight? Well yeah like when my son had just popped out and we immediately looked at each other..that’s the realest love at first sight I know of38. Who did you last call? My sons dad39. Who was the last person you danced with? My kid40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Why not yo41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? A couple weeks ago I made vegan carrot cake cupcakes and they were goooood42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? Noo43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? My existence is embarrassing so I mean probably 44. Do you tan? Not even a little45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Nah46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? No47. Who was the last person to call you? My therapist48. Do you sing in the shower? Yes49. Do you dance in the car? No 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? Yes 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? My senior photos like 3 years ago52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? The cheesiest. I hate them53. Is Christmas stressful? All holidays stress me out 54. Ever eat a pierogi? Yeah55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Apple56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Teacher or veterinarian 57. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Often 59. Take a vitamin daily? Vitamin D 60. Wear slippers? No61. Wear a bath robe? No those are so weird to me62. What do you wear to bed? A T-shirt and sweats63. First concert? Lady Gaga Born This Way Ball64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target WhaT the hEck65. Nike or Adidas? Neither66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Fritos67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Peanuts68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? Who?69. Ever take dance lessons? My mom tried to put me in a hip hop dance class and I panicked the first day because I didn’t want to do it and she was forcing me and she got mad haha so no70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? I will not have a future spouse71. Can you curl your tongue? Yes72. Ever won a spelling bee? No73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes, when I got a Lady Gaga CD for my 14th birthday and when my son was born74. What is your favorite book? “She’s Come Undone” by Wally Lamb75. Do you study better with or without music? Without76. Regularly burn incense? No77. Ever been in love? Yes78. Who would you like to see in concert? Radiohead79. What was the last concert you saw? Kimya Dawson I think80. Hot tea or cold tea? Both81. Tea or coffee? Coffee 82. Favorite type of cookie? Any as long as they’re vegan83. Can you swim well? No84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes85. Are you patient? Depends on what it’s for86. DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ87. Ever won a contest? When I was like 8 I did a fundraiser and won a bike and when I was in treatment 3 years ago I whooped ass in a Rock Paper Scissors contest it was iconic88. Ever have plastic surgery? No89. Which are better black or green olives? The big green ones with garlic stuffed in them oooooo90. Opinions on marriage? Dumb. But it works for some ppl so hey91. Best room for a fireplace? Living room or basement 92. Do you want to get married? Fuck naw

[syakake]

1-92

go fuck yourself seriously 

but i did them all

1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

yeah

2. You talked to an ex today, correct?

no

3. Have you taken someones virginity?

once again no

4. Is trust a big issue for you?

i guess? strategic information sharing is key but i don’t like to talk about a lot of stuff

5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?

i don’t hang out with anyone irl lol

6. What are you excited for?

uhm... iunno.. the next bnha episode... can’t think of anything else i’m trying to answer these fast

7. What happened tonight?

it’s only 7:37pm rn so nothing yet

8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?

my friends used to be annoying about it like... kinda fake just to get into it i guess which made it so i couldn’t enjoy myself if that answers your question

9. Is confidence cute?

idk... if the person i like is confident, it’s cute. if it’s someone i don’t like, it’s not cute

10. What is the last beverage you had?

water

11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?

like 2

12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?

no but i own a lot of black leggings

13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?

probably watch boku no hero and play love live... iunno... go on gaia... try to draw i guess but probably not

14. What are you going to spend money on next?

some dumb shit

15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?

no also i haven’t ever willingly kissed anyone if that’s a question on here

16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?

yeah probably

17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

no one to be honest i kinda get the feeling that people look at me differently 

18. The last time you felt broken?

honestly lol... if i spent my 3 minutes of memory on the 18 years of depression i wouldn’t even remember the english language or at least what i know of it

19. Have you had sex today?

no i’m virgin

20. Are you starting to realize anything?

i’m realizing that i’m dumb as shit

21. Are you in a good mood?

sorta

22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?

no i’m not that dumb as shit

23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?

i think so?

24. What do you want right this second?

too embarrassing to talk about

25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

“sorry... you’ve been chopped” and then i’d go cry myself to sleep

26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?

yeah

27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

yeah but i wouldn’t be happy

28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?

i’m always laughing at dumb shit fuck you if i remember that

it was probably when i changed my boyfriends skype name to “

29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?

not at the moment

30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?

i guess not... sometimes when it gets to my breaking point i’ll get too upset to come to terms or be able to reason at that time (at least lately) so if something kinda bad happened i just can’t be sympathetic anymore

31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?

well obviously not that’s me bf

32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?

i’d hug him really hard n kiss him on the cheeks 

33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?

i drink it rarely cause i crave it sometimes but yeah i barely ever drink it

34. Listening to?

my music stopped a while ago but i was listening to bloody stream

35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?

i don’t ever really have a need to but sometimes when i draw on paper i do

36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?

what did i tell you i haven’t kissed anyone

37. Do you believe in love at first sight?

no cause that’d be a bit shallow... and you usually only see that kinda stuff in movies anyways

38. Who did you last call?

bf

39. Who was the last person you danced with?

my mom’s ex boyfriend at a father daughter dance when i was like 11 or so

40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?

>:(((

41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?

probably at my mimi’s years ago during my baking phase

42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?

no my mom isn’t very affectionate like that unless she’s sad or worried etc

43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

oh honey, all the time that’s just all i do

44. Do you tan in the nude?

i don’t tan

45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?

:/

46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?

yeah

47. Who was the last person to call you?

me bf also wasn’t this question already in here

48. Do you sing in the shower?

yeah sometimes

49. Do you dance in the car?

not really

50. Ever used a bow and arrow?

i always tried to pull my brothers bow but i’m not strong enough to do it

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?

when i was little. i was dressed as a fairy and i was blowing a little kiss and the kiss is a butterfly n i’m laying on a rock it’s framed in my house

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?

nah

53. Is Christmas stressful?

it used to be a little stressful but now it’s very lonely

54. Ever eat a pierogi?

no

55. Favorite type of fruit pie?

i don’t really like fruit pies anymore i’m just sick of pie

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?

i wanted to be a painter like my dad (not the artist kind)

it’s sort of embarrassing bc i can’t even paint a deck anymore

57. Do you believe in ghosts?

not really

58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?

a lot

59. Take a vitamin daily?

uh, yeah 

my doctor was having me take magnesium and b6 to regulate mood swings from a medication i used to be on but i kept taking it for a while. i also take daily womens vitamins

60. Wear slippers?

yeah

61. Wear a bath robe?

no because it just sticks to my body and gets me all fucking sweaty right after i just showered so what’s the fucking point i hate them PLUS IT’S SO FUCKIN SHORT MY ASS STICKS OUT AND I CAN’T GO OUTSIDE IN IT

62. What do you wear to bed?

usually a t-shirt and underwear (underwear is optional)

63. First concert?

eh

64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?

walmart since they’re all over the place and the other two aren’t close at all

65. Nike or Adidas?

don’t care

66. Cheetos Or Fritos?

don’t care

67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?

i don’t really care for both

68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?

if i had to pick one i guess i’d pick that one song that was on the radio recently and the music video has her between someones legs like the spank line in spongebob but i wouldn’t listen to taylor swift unless someone had me strapped to a chair forcing me to

69. Ever take dance lessons?

yeah. a lot. i took a lot of dance lessons i don’t like to da

70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?

“i just can’t be married to a retard”

71. Can you curl your tongue?

yeah

72. Ever won a spelling bee?

never participated

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?

yeah but only recently

74. What is your favorite book?

don’t remember

75. Do you study better with or without music?

without

76. Regularly burn incense?

used to

77. Ever been in love?

hmm i guess so now

78. Who would you like to see in concert?

i don’t know... i’m scared to go to concerts bc of the epilepsy thing so

79. What was the last concert you saw?

alright can we stop it with the concerts

80. Hot tea or cold tea?

hot 

81. Tea or coffee?

both is good

82. Favorite type of cookie?

they’re all pretty good but i’m not crazy about oatmeal raisin

83. Can you swim well?

i mean yeah

the basics

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?

yeah

85. Are you patient?

fairly

86. DJ or band, at a wedding?

idk? i’ve never been to a wedding really so

87. Ever won a contest?

no

88. Ever have plastic surgery?

no

89. Which are better black or green olives?

fuck olives

90. Opinions on sex before marriage?

it’s fine i guess? do what u want or whatever or don’t i don’t care

91. Best room for a fireplace?

put it in the fucking bathroom i don’t care

92. Do you want to get married?

idk maybe but not anytime soon

plus it’s not like i’d be a good wife or mom so why tf would anyone wanna marry me LOL

that concludes this shitshow

[mspa]

man idk what’s wrong with nme but for the past likie 2 or 3 months i have been in such a bad place mentally and nothing is workign out for me and i am trying so hard to make everything feel right but it doesnt work fuck i fucking hate this so much

theres a Boy i am talking to and he just wants seuxal things and it bothers me because i need attention but not that kind quite yet but i still follow through with shit becaus ei tsthe only way i feel confident but it feels so wrong but not wrong i dont know how to expakin it hes so in love with me and i feel terrible i ike him a lil but ... its not rightn i want to be sure

so many peolple are in love with me and it puts so much stres son me theres nothing to like acbout me i hate myself so much holy shit 

my ex started talkign to me two days ago bc i did a thing and th eother Boy added him to a cal and i honsetly felt so happy hearing his voice an d id ont know why likie.................... ive tried to suppress those feleings for so long why are they comign up HAH AH AH A he doesnt want to talk to me though i wish he wanted to talk to me i want to talk to him every day i wnt ato torture myself with remembering what happened and thinknign about what could have been i misstn hat kind of love i miss feeling something for someone i miss feelign like a unit i mis s having someoen to depend on i miss having someone eto talk to lmao but helikies someone else an shes a kpop stan an shit and it makes me feel so badbvecuase i am definitely being replace di remember whne he told me he would nver find somoene like m eweat happened to that what happened to me being wroht something to someoen  he set her selfie as his wallapper he never did tha ttfor me and wedated for 8 moonths i want to fall outn  of moderate feelings or  somethin i wish i could be stabl ei wihs i could feel like someone he ,ade me feel like no one i njust want to talk to him regualkrly but nah im worthlessn to him he probably didnt think aobut me at all he prpobably thinks im disgustng i want him to TALKT O ME HAHAH AHA FHGFDGDFG

also my surugery date is gonna b scehduled soon and idk wat to think of it i dont want surgery i dont wa tn this 

fuck inm like crying really hardan dthis is really bad i dont want to cry im sick and my mnmose is already tstuffed up its 3 am and ihave important shit to do why can tmy life be good

i was gonna say more stuf fn but i got caugt up thinking about my ex haha hhoo

i dont even wannan sleep because i know im gonan dream about hinm and that shappene for the past like 3 dats i want it to stopi wish i never fell in love