#shes from the side of the family that went to America earlier and her father and mother hate her like full on

[capesandshapes]

Seeing on TikTok that Republicans are trying to get Kamala pulled from the ticket via the Dred Scott case and being like this has to be a lie, there's no fucking way that any Republican on earth is this dumb only to see my insanely stupid second cousin repost a shitty pixelated meme supporting it on Facebook with "damn right, proud that we know and respect our history"

[safely-in-vhagars-belly]

The Heart is an Ocean (Dark!Aemond x reader/oc (titanic au!) PART 2

Darkish aemond x reader/oc (?) (TITANIC THEMED!)

Cool devider credits: its uhm me.

Tags: Au Aemond, criminal Aemond, angst and hurt titanic au aemond x oc aemond x you aemond x

🔷Summary: You attend the ship of dreams, the Balerion in hope of finding your match to enrichen your family. But fate is cruel for those who dream. And the Balerion might not even reach the harbor of Valyria.

🔷Author's note: ''WILL THIS BE THE MOVIE REWRITTEN'' ASHSHSHDH I WISH! NO, its so not the movie. I was planning on naming the ship ''Titanic'' but I could not do that, it felt so icky. Big fan of the movie, big fan of books, the boat in general, and big nerd of it all. I went with a copy of the boat, and named it the Balerion. The route was original from Belfast to America i think but it will be from Crownlands to Valyria.

🔷Wordcount:5000

Warnings can be found under here

🔷Warnings: blood, arranged marriages, smoking, cocaine, illegal drugsdealing, eventually...you know, and murder. (the you know refers to the well-known fate of the boat) Classism, violence (not aimed at OC) and darkish criminal ruthless aemond.

TAGLIST: @namelesslosers

The morning after the ship had set sail, you finally awoke after a terrible night of sleep. The bed had been new, unused before and comfortable but it did not meet your standards, you told yourself so at least. Anything to avoid the truth: You had nightmares that kept you awake. Worries and concerns.

Your father had died this year, and now you had to find a new husband to ensure your family’s fortune. Your mother had no regard or respect for age. It wouldn’t have married if she could marry you to a rich walking skeleton, she would have done it. 

Your maid, Esera arrived earlier that day, her face distraught as she greeted you with a curtsy. You smiled. Yes, the two of you were friends. But it was nice that someone, anyone, at least pretended you still mattered. That you still had some renown and worth. That you weren’t destined to fail, doomed to sink.

You allowed yourself to be bathed, dressed in a fine new silk gown and let her brush your hair. All while she kept looking as if someone had just stepped on her toes. ‘’You look more miserable than I feel,’’ You commented, sharp as a knife with a catish sly grin on your face. ‘’If it’s juicy gossip, you must share it with me.’’ 

Esera finally put down the brush after combing the same locks for ten long wasteful minutes. She nodded. You were never good at remembering and reading faces, but her spoke to you as a book. Whatever had happened, it was serious. You quickly gestured to the side of your bed, that she had made just earlier for you. You did not want her to faint. Thankful, she sat down.

‘’M’lady, it is such awful news.’’ She said, You nodded, already impatient to hear the truth and whatever scandal had unfolded among the passengers. She took a deep breath and when you read her eyes, even you, someone who has such difficulty reading people, could tell she was terrified. ‘’There is someone missing. A servant.’’ She announced. 

You heard the words back in your head. Missing? How could anyone go missing? Well, it was a large boat but still. ‘’I am not sure what you mean.’’ You said, convinced that it was just a lazy servant taking a nap somewhere he was not allowed to be to begin with.

She rattled on. ‘’A steward. They said his name was Erryk. Apparently, he never showed up for the morning shifts. His brother is inconsolable. He has a job below deck, he does something with the coal.’’ He likely made sure that the Balerion kept going steadily, picking up its ridiculous speed as the ship sailed around the seas.

You watched as Esera started pulling her nails, the color drained from her face. ‘’I am just so horrified, m’lady. And I already fear boats.’’ She sniffed. You couldn’t help but look around, unknown of what to do as your servant wept.  You patted her back once, twice, and after that, you gave up. 

Boats didn’t scare you. But the Balerion did. It was so massive, so huge, so endless without end or beginning that your brain didn’t know how to wrap itself around it. The idea that you were one step away from becoming a shark meal didn’t help either.

You removed some tears from your dress with a napkin, and sat back down in front of the vanity. You opened the drawer and fished out your favorite perfume. You applied a heavy amount of it, hoping to haunt whoever would come close to you for the rest of this day. ‘’Well, what can we do about it? The Balerion is a massive boat.’’ You weren’t going to make this a you-problem. You had enough you-problems.

Esera nodded. You had just put your perfume down, as the door of your cabin slammed open and your mother threw herself into the entrance, running at you with an impressive speed that both surprised you and terrified you.  ‘’My dear darling!’’ She giggled with delight. Until she saw your servant, sitting on your bed linen. She only had to click her fingers, and Esera left your room, looking possibly even worse than before. 

You raised a brow at your mother. ‘’Do what do I owe the pleasure?’’ Truth was, she was your mother and Lady Waters still. She paid for your cabin. But you don’t appreciate people entering without knocking. It is what separates the men from the animals, in your honest opinion.

She waved a paper in your face. Quite rude. You snatched it out of her hands, reading the paper with disinterest. It had the colors of the Velyaron line, likely an event organized by the ship itself. It was about a social gathering, a ball, happening a few days later. Your mother was like a pitbull. If she smelled an opportunity for you to get a husband, she bit and wouldn’t let go. ‘’I snatched this from the announcement board. There will be a grant ball. All noble ladies are invited, as are the gentlemen. It is the perfect opportunity for you to find a nice, rich husband.’’ She said, cupping your chin into her hands and looking at you as if you were going to solve all her problems. 

You tilted your head, already dreading this ball. ‘’Momma, I am not sure anyone on this ship is even interested in a marriage. I tried yesterday in the café and-’’ You were hushed as your mother sniffled your neck, oblivious to what you told her. Ignoring the truth, as always.

She looked disgusted, wiping away some perfume you had just applied. ‘’Why do you always apply so much perfume? You are a lady, not a whore. Begone with you. I must try to find a way to get you a gown for the ball.’’ She told you, ushering you out of your own rooms. 

‘’The red one?’’ It was your favorite one with red shiny stones. You looked amazing in it, and it was the gown you last wore when your father was still alive. A true precious gown, as silly as it may be.

Your mother shook her head. ‘’We sold the red one, dear.’’

You turned your head so fast, you were afraid that it would snap and roll off from your neck, to glare at her. You didn’t know that. She likely did it when you were packing for this horrendous journey on the seven hellish seas. ‘’It had to be done, Cristella! You aren’t married yet, which means more and more of our precious heirlooms will end up by some dirty peasant.’’ The local pawn shops, she meant. The idea that some peasant was now walking around in your gorgeous Visenya Dalararis gown, it hurted you. Deeply. 

You huffed, slamming the door behind you as you left your cabin. You could not give a rat’s ass about being a proper lady. At that moment, you didn’t want to care. But you still did. You cared. And you cared too much about that. Finding a husband was not an easy task. Tales of your fall to ruin had spread far and wide and the only men that would be interested in you, were likely living under a rock, or that old that their memory was failing them.

You had not your own life to think about. You had two sisters, and a mother, all depending on you to find a rich husband. You never thought you would be responsible for so many people, and you never knew how crushing the weight of being the carebringe was. It was enough to make you feel like you were sinking, alone at sea in the dark.

Your breath caught in your lungs, as you tried to make sense of a terrible situation. Either you would marry some fossil that was old enough to witness the first men come to Westeros, or you will fail and condemn your family to a life on the streets. You know your family. You would not make for good beggars. You would all starve, freeze, die. 

You would like to cry. You did force yourself, to let the tears come out. But stopped as you realized, no one cared about your tears anymore. Any gentleman knew of the bankruptcy. The only thing you had then, was your beauty. Your grace. And your pride. A single tear rolled down your left cheek, drawing the pattern of a splatter paint drop. They could take your money. And your dresses. But they could never take away your pride.

You gathered the courage, wiped at your cheek the tear with your gloves, and left your cabin to enter the one belonging to your sisters. As usual, Maelys was still in bed at this hour, glaring at you as she was reading a book. ‘’Good morning, sister.’’ She said, and you could hear she was not that pleased to see you. You greeted her with an uninterested wave.

Your other sister, Dysera was already up and dressed, smiling patiently at you, her gloved hands folded neatly in her lap. You weren’t good at reading people, but you knew Dy as your own pocket. Maybe because you two were much alike. And you knew at that moment, she was looking for trouble. Dismissive, you went to grab your coin purse. ‘’Where are you going?’’ She asked, her voice surprisingly light and eager.

You didn’t know where you were going, both in life and on the ship. Her question made you realize that and made you lash out. ‘’to have breakfast.’’ You told her and it was the truth. You were planning on getting a nice warm toasted loaf of bread and a baked egg for you, and you alone. Just eating in silence as the toast melted on your tongue, oh, the delight. No sisters were part of this fantasy and you intended to keep it that way. 

But your sister jumped at the idea of leaving the hellish cabin and you could not blame her for it. Well, maybe a little. ‘’I am coming with you!’ She said, delighted. You frowned. That was not the plan. ‘’Maybe I’ll find a husband there, before you do.’’ She started and laughed, but it hurt you that she dared to even say that. 

‘’Maybe you won’t,’’ you stepped closer and smiled, hiding your anger behind your catty smile and your beautiful eyelids. ‘’I heard men like women who can offer something. If they simply wanted comfort, they’d take a whore or a pet. Now, scurry off.’’ And that hurted her. She would never inherit anything. You would. You watched as her eyes filled with tears. 

You sighed as you walked away, leaving the cabin. You passed the sign. 192B. A insult. The B deck was all they could afford. A shame, truly. in more ways than one. You had enough of the day and it had just started. You needed a smoke, a drink, perhaps both at the same time. You laughed quietly in yourself as you left the deck, entering the main deck, where gentlemen and ladies alike were conversing, strolling and just enjoying the calm weather.

You decided to go to another café than the one your mother had rented for your speeddates. This one was called the Octopus and had a ugly sign outside of it, but you were hungry and too lazy to go look anywhere else. You sat down at a table and ordered your meal, waiting impatiently as the servants rushed around you, serving meals and taking orders from other customers.

You were tested. Some of these ‘’customers’’  didn’t even seem…Well, they sure smelled like they should be eating two decks below. Or not aboard a boat at all, truly. But in the docks. In a dark alley. They didn’t wear fancy gowns, suits with hats befitting the latest fashion, they smelled as if they hadn’t washed in centuries and had the manners of a barn animal. In truth it was all terribly unsetting and upsetting.

The staff did give you a glass of champagne prior, thank the seven gods. You had not much happening as a girl in a dark red coloured dress approached with lace covering her shoulders. Eyes turned as she entered, and you had to admit, that included yourself. She had white, gorgeous classic Valyrian hair, styled in a beautiful knot that clearly was defying gravity on its own. You were impressed.

Until you saw the hatred in her eyes when she finally found you sitting at the table. You ignored her at first, as any sane woman would. Whatever she had going on, it was not going to become your problem.

You waited for your pancakes, becoming more impatient and hungry as every moment passed. ‘’I was hoping I’d see you today.’’ You looked around, to see who had the audacity to attempt to make conversation while you were starving, angry, tired and seasick.

The girl stood in front of you, arms crossed like she had accomplished something. She had in fact, not accomplished anything. You were not impressed. You actually felt sorry for her. Whoever her parents were, they raised a true brat. ‘’And you are?’’ You asked, hiding a laugh.

She laughed as well but hers was fake and insincere.‘’Perhaps you know my sister. Beautiful, gorgeous, rich.’’ It all came back to you. That Baela girl that stole your man and insulted you. Yet you pretended you didn't know, just to get her angry. You pretend to think, sipping your champagne glass.

While you were sipping champagne, you faked a gasp, quickly putting your glass down and looked at the girl. ‘’Does she have an ego the size of Westeros and Essos combined and does she smell of desperation?” You sat down, your face calm and a cold mask as you grinned at the girl’s furious face. ‘’How lovely that your sister felt so scared that she sent you to find me.’’

The girl scoffed, laughing to avoid the fact that you did hurt her feelings. You saw through her as if she was made of glass, however. ‘’I assume you know who I am?’’ That was a bold statement. It took you five years to learn the name of your own handmaid. How in the seven hells were you supposed to know the name of any random passenger on this boat?

And aside that, you also…Well, you didn’t care. ‘’I am sorry, if I knew the name of every second class passenger, my head would explode.’’ You commented, sipping from your champagne when watching her become more and more furious. 

The woman gathered her courage, and her strength. ‘’I am Lady Rhaena Targaryen.’’ Ah. Your thoughts were whisked away to a wicked smile on pink soft lips, lips belonging to a certain smoking gentleman. His smile captivated you as you noticed your lips breaking into a smirk. Mr Targaryen did not seem to even be remotely like her. 

‘’And now the part where I am supposed to care who you are?’’ You rang out, dryly as you downed your entire glass in frustration. A targaryen girl, so stunning, so fierce, that was going to be a problem. She would steal all eligible bachelors from you, bleed them dry and have them ruined. You could not afford that. 

The girl leaned in and when she attempted to whisper something of a threat in your ear. ‘’You think you have won this, little Bastard. But you are not even close to tasting victory. Men want class, riches and fame. Your dowry is good enough to maybe buy cup of coffee.’’ She finished brutally. It got under your skin. It did. Because you knew, she was right. You waited for the waiter to bring you and Rhaena two fresh glasses of champagne, and accidentally emptied yours over her head. Furious and fuming, you left the cafe.

You had to get out of there. Fresh tears threatened to fall. To ruin everything you worked so hard for.

A voice called out to you, surprising you. ‘’Miss Waters!’’

Aemond Targaryen had followed you. He looked as handsome as ever, wearing a a suit unlike most of the gentlemen. He also had a plate of pancakes in his hands, offering it to you with an apologetic gentle smile. ‘’Pardon me, but you had forgotten your order.’’ You were amused, raising your brows at him.

‘’Is this how you hope to earn your money to provide for a wife, Mr Targaryen? 'By playing waiter?’’ It was a coy tease as brief as a wink. He took it well, smiling despite your insult.

‘’Why, I never would. Rest assured, my future wife can buy all the Seven Kingdoms and I still would be rich.’’ He was bragging, trying to impress you. You faked a subtle smile, keeping your eyes on him at all cost as you took a small elegant bite of the pancake he had brought you.

You brought your fingers to your chin, cleaning the corners of your mouth as Aemond watched, breathless. ‘’I believe we discussed what I thought of Cocky men.’’ You reminded him of that for your own sake.

Aemond gestured to the brim of the ship, inviting you over to watch the waves. You followed, but kept appropriate distance. ‘’This boat is ridiculous. Do the Velyarons need to compensate for something?’’ You remarked.

To your surprise, he laughed, briefly smirking too. ‘’I assure you, they do. I heard Lord Daemon and Lady Laena no longer share a room.’’ You loved scandalous gossip. And you loved that this was about the Mother of lady Baela. Seems that her parents aren’t as perfect as she pretends to be either.

You know Daemon is a known rag, often preferring to lay with younger ladies and that his bed has seen more women on it than a whorehouse. ‘’Why, whatever could be the reason?’’ You asked, your voice soft and innocent. Aemond tilted his head, his tongue briefly licking his lips clearly somewhere else.

He shook his head, his silver hair danced. ‘’But it is not appropriate for me, to discuss such vile rumors with a proper lady.’’ He said, reminding himself of his duties. He even stepped back to create more distance. And you found yourself stepping closer to him, almost dreading to be separated, drawn to him by a force beyond your understanding.

You sweetly lowered your eyes, your lips pouting. ‘’You are such a tease, Mr Targaryen.’’ But two could play that game. You would show him. ‘’May I ask you to accompany me to the better decks? I seem to have forgotten where my room is.’’ You replied, hooking your arms into his own. He seemed to smirk as you two strolled over the deck, and Aemond received a lot of angry, jealous glares. 

‘’So, tell me more about the drama.’’ You whispered in his ear as the two of you finally had found some shade under a big parasol. Aemond laughed and it sounded forced for a brief moment. 

You needed the information to make the campaign for Baela, Rhaena and possibly Laena impossible. They could not find a husband. Well, at least, not before you. ‘’Laena kicked Daemon out of their cabin. He was found in bed with another married woman, who was recently widowed.’’ Aemond tells you, his voice a seductive hushed whisper.

You covered your mouth with your free hand, faking disgust as you were possibly overjoyed. ‘’My!” You gasped, but you were delighted. ‘’Such vile things indeed.’’ He nodded.

Aemond nodded, agreeing with you, his disgust clearly readable from his face. He did not like Daemon. You could tell. ‘’I should not have told you. Now I have soiled your ears, dirtied your mind.’’ He was scolding himself.

You huffed, insulted at this. You were not a child. ‘’I assure you, I am quite capable of vile things myself.’’ You said, as you two made your way to the deck. You walked past the cafe, and multiple people including Rhaena took notice of you on the arm of Aemond Targaryen. You waved, smiling sweetly through the window as Rhaena almost choked on her drink, her sister Baela looked just as miserable.

To that, Aemond let out a delighted sigh. ‘’I shall spare no details. Daemon was found with not one, not two, but three whores in his bed.’’ That confused you. One whore had to be enough, surely.

You looked puzzled and Aemond knew, which is why he grinned, smirking brightly. ‘’Why does a man need three whores?’’ You asked, voicing your confusion. That sounded expensive too.

Aemond leaned in a little closer, his breath hot in your neck as he whispered. ‘’Maybe to watch them play with one another?’’ He suggested, and you wondered quietly, briefly, for a mere moment, if Aemond would like the same. If he too, had vile thoughts. You quickly shook off those thoughts, scolding yourself for even having them.

You know Aemond meant the act. Yet you want to tease and know more. ‘’Play, what? Cards?’’ You asked, with an innocent smirk. Aemond opened and closed his mouth, reading you very well.

He grinned. ‘’Who is a tease again? You know much more than you pretend to know, Miss Waters.’’

You shrugged, and when you both were alone in a hallway on the deck, you briefly smiled at him, surprising him. ‘’I never said I didn’t, Mr Targaryen.’’ You waited for Aemond to walk around the corner, before you trapped him against the walls of the ship.

Aemond let out a surprised shriek, eying you with much desire and want as you held him into place. You were relieved there were no witnesses. You caressed his chest, searching for his cigarettes already. He acted fast, grabbing your hand and pinning you against the walls instead, smirking as he leaned in closer.

He cupped your chin with his fingers, grinning as you went speechless. ‘’You still owe me for the first one you stole.’’ He said, a smirk dancing on his lips. This man.

You ignored the butterflies in your stomach, as well as your own arousal. ‘’What will you do about that?’’ You asked, trying to sound careless and fearless.

But he could read you all too well, and smirked, bringing his lips closer to your own. ‘’I don’t know. You must be held accountable.’’ He said, as if he was thinking deeply. ‘’Yes, a nice punishment will do.’’ Punishment? You scoffed.

‘’Will you put me on your knee and spank me?’’ You asked, in anger. 

His answer surprised and shocked you. He simply leaned in closer, brushing with his nose against your own and touched your lips with his fingers. ‘’Maybe one day.’’ He whispered and you felt as if he made you and himself a promise.

You were speechless. ‘’For now, a nice evening out will do. I shall pay for dinner and we can talk about our mutual hate for the Velyaron family. How does that sound?’’ You could not be seen with another man. Not going out with him, at least.

‘’Mr Targaryen-’’ You started but Aemond silenced you by firmly putting you back against the wall, smirking as you briefly whimpered softly.

He whispered softly. ‘’Men want what other men have. Seeing you on my arm, it makes them wild. Just say yes, Love. What else do you have to do anyway?’’ He asked. 

‘’I,’’ You stuttered, shocked at the audacity and the brutality. How dare he? And yet, you liked it.

‘’Excellent.’’ Was all Aemond said, taking distance and folding his hands on his back. He gave a respectful bow but his smirk did not match that all. ‘’I shall pick you up, 8 o’clock sharp. And I will have something sent over to your cabin, you may wear it, if you like it.’’ He smirked, leaving you alone with your thoughts and your heart racing.

—

Aemond sat that afternoon, in his own cabin. He had placed his leather boots on the salontable, smoking a cigarette after escorting the Waters girl home. He pictured her shocked and flustered face when he offered to take her out again. Nothing came close to seeing that uncertainty. The same uncertainty he faced for years. It was justice. She starved him. He would only take revenge. It was fair. Needed, in a way.

Cregan finally entered the cabin, bringing a neat suit for Aemond. Aemond sized it up, inspecting it for any wrongs. ‘’You did well, picking this one. Miss Waters is a very picky bee.’’ He confided in his best friend. ‘’If as much as a single stitch is out of order, I may never hold her hand again.’’ He made his voice a soft dramatic whimper. Cregan laughed, and soon, Aemond joined.

‘’As if she even has a choice, soon.’’ Aemond commented. ‘’Once the Captain’s Ball takes place, I put her in a scandal, and she’ll have no choice but to consent to marry  me.’’ It was the perfect plan. He just had to act kind until the scandal. He wasn’t sure what scandal he would pull just yet. He would not force himself upon her. No, never. So, that meant, another, but maybe just as brutal and heartbreaking way to end her social society status. To take home the Queen and clear out the board, once and for all.

A rough, but eager voice ran out as Criston ran into the cabin, surprising Aemond. ‘’We might have a problem.’’ Criston said, and to Aemond’s displeasure, the man was covered in blood. Aemond raised a brow, removing both his boots from the table and jumped to his feet. What could have happened?

Cole smirked. ‘’You need to tie down that brat of yours soon. A man was dancing with her, moments after you had brought her to the cabin.’’ Aemond’s blood boiled. So, she was very well capable of making her way to the cabin alone. She played him. Again.

‘’What man?’’ Aemond responded, sweetly. ‘’And I assume there’s a marvelous reason why you are covered in blood?’’

—-

Aemond had never enjoyed being a killer. He was good at it, yes. But he never took pride or happiness from kills. Unless they were his enemies. Cole had shown Aemond a spare storage room, where the gentleman that had dared to dance with his Queen, was present. Tied up and gagged. The man in question was old, boring and would never statisfy the Waters girl. He knew it.

Aemond lowered his favorite knife against the throat of the man, forcing the man to gulp as he started to draw a thin line, causing blood to jump out of the wound. ‘’Why did you dance with Miss Waters?’’ He asked, his voice a low growl.

‘’She’s a lovely lass.’’ The man responded, as Cole had removed his gag. Aemond shared a brief glance with Cole. That was the weakest excuse he ever heard. Miss Waters was not a lovely lass, no, she was the Stranger reborn, he was certain of it.

‘’Hm,’’ Aemond said, tilting his head with a smile. ‘’You do understand she is bankrupt, yes? All the money she had, is invested in this trip.’’ He informed the man, hoping it would scare him off as a rat in the harbor.

And it did. He seemed utterly shocked at Aemond's words. Furious, even. ‘’She is? But I assumed…’’ Aemond’s interest finally peaked, and he grabbed the man by his hair, hissing in his face.

‘’What did you assume?’’

The man gulped. ‘’Jacaerys Velyaron was heard bragging about her. How he had her in his pocket. I assumed if Jace is interested….’’ The man fell silent once again. Aemond cursed, closing his eyes. Jace was Interested. ''Never mind, I shall focus on another lady instead.'' He promised Aemond.

Aemond scoffed, grinning madly. ''You already touched what belongs to me. You must pay for that.'' He said. ''You touched my Queen. You will die for that.''

The poor man did not intend to die for that, and tried to plead. ''She's of no use to me! You can have her! I am sure if-'' Aemond had heard enough. He grabbed the man by his throat, drove a knife into his stomach for a slow, painful dead and simply pulled the knife in, and out, watching flesh and blood pour out of the wound which each sweet pull. He imagined the reaction if Miss Waters was here to watch him.  

Soon, she too would be on her knees. As would the entire world. It would all be his for the taking. As it always should have been. Miss Waters was his, the world was his, and nothing would stand in his way. ‘’Make sure this mess gets cleaned up. And we need to think of a possible emergency plan for my new wife.’’ Aemond ordered his men. He had a lot to think about, and so little time. His wife was waiting for him soon, and he needed to charm her.

Cregan began with cutting the corpse loose from the chair. ‘’I mean, you can’t kidnap her, can you?’’ He offered, and it was a solid idea, had this been a novel. It was not a novel. He needed her consent, he needed her on her knees, begging him to marry her. A conquest without war is a boring conquest.

He did consider it, of course. But he does not want to pull that card, not yet. Not when he can make her fall in love with him naturally. ‘’I’ve considered it, but no. She must marry me first.’’ He said, avoiding Cole's judgemental glare. He always said that women were not property.

The Kingmaker began chopping the body into pieces. ‘’So that just means, beating the rich pretty boy and winning her heart first.’’ He summarized, dryly.

Aemond nodded, already feeling that he had failed miserably. ‘’Seems like it. I just don’t understand one thing: What does Jace even want with her?’’ He muttered. ‘’Well, I suppose we need to find out. And quickly. Because I am not letting that bastard get away again.’’

A UPDATE

WOW

eh bye xD

Thank you for reading as always:)

[boricuacherry-blog]

Nica's father was Charles Rothschild. Like his zoologist father, Walter, who turned the grounds of Tring into an extraordinary wildlife park with kangaroos, giant tortoises, emus, rheas and cassowaries, and who drove a carriage pulled by zebras, Charles had a passion for natural history. He was a keen amateur entomologist and named his youngest daughter Pannonica for a species of moth. However, this was not an interest he was free to pursue. Instead, every day, he was required to put on a suit and go to work in the family bank. This did not suit him one bit.

Charles also suffered from a mood disorder that may or may not have been schizophrenia. At times, he would not speak for days. On other occasions, he was manic, unable to sleep or stop talking. As he grew older, the gaps between these episodes grew even shorter. Finally, in 1923, he went into a bathroom, locked the door and slit his throat with a knife. Hannah believes that Charles's suicide lies at the heart of Nica's unlikely bond with Monk, who suffered from a similar illness, with similarly debilitating symptoms.

"Her father's death was incredibly violent, but afterwards it was never mentioned: suicide was still illegal. When she met Thelonious, there must have been huge resonances. He behaved in a very similar way to Charles, and Charles had been made to live a certain kind of life, going to the office every day, when what he wanted to be doing was collecting butterflies. Her passionate attempts to dignify Thelonious's life, to protect him, to say it's alright to spend the day sleeping if that's what you want or need to do...I'm sure this was her way of addressing an earlier injustice. In return, he gave her an incredible sense of purpose and belonging. If you think of her as a woman who'd been evicted from a close family, that's quite a frightening thing. But Thelonious and a whole group of musicians said to her: come and be part of this. We'll hang with you." Monk wasn't the only one who wrote a song for Pannonica. So did Art Blakey, Sonny Clark, Kenny Drew and at least a dozen others.

But life in New York had a dark side, too. In 1955, Nica was evicted from her suite at the Stanhope when Charlie Parker, having turned up at her door one night with nowhere else to go, choked and died there. In 1958, Nica decided to drive the impoverished Monk to a gig in Maryland. In a town called New Castle, Delaware, she stopped the car outside a motel so he could use the bathroom. As she waited, the police approached; in this part of America, the sight of a white woman and black man together was unusual enough to attract attention. There followed an altercation. Monk was beaten up. The police searched the car. When they found marijuana, Nica knew exactly what to do. Monk was too fragile to go to prison. She told them that the dope was hers.

The consequences of this moment of bravery were potentially dire. Nica faced a prison sentence of up to 10 years, followed by immediate deportation. Her life with Monk would be over, but the prospect of a return to England was just as painful. How would her family react? Would her husband ever let her see her children again? "It must have been terrifying," says Hannah. "I finally found out how terrifying in a letter she wrote to her friend Mary Lou Williams the night before her trial in January 1962. She is in Delaware. She writes that she is going to go into a church and light a candle. She writes, 'This is the day upon which my entire future may well depend.' She says she can't talk to Thelonious or Nellie about it because they have their own worries. She was so completely alone. I felt quite distressed on her behalf. Where is everyone? I thought." In the end, though, there came a miracle: the case was dismissed on a technicality, her lawyer arguing that the troopers had searched her car without her permission.

[scullysexual]

A Jewel Beneath The Moonlight [Rewrite]

@today-in-fic | ao3

Summary: For Mulder, a wealthy English-bred socialite who's had everything given to him since birth, the Titanic is shipping him off to a prison, a life he no longer wishes for or wants. For Scully, an Irish stranger from the lower class, it offers a new life, a future she can truly envision in America. What if the universe put them on the same path to achieve those dreams at the cost of life?

Chapter Three.

She extends her hand instead and Mulder gawks at it before his own hand grips hers and they shake. An electric buzz goes through her, a connection forging- one she can’t say she’s ever felt before as she beholds the man in front of her.

She’d seen him earlier near the gate, felt him staring at her and when he wasn’t looking, she’d stared back at him.

She didn’t believe in fate, it was just coincidence that they would meet again, after all they are stuck on a ship- a big ship but a ship all the same, their paths were bound to cross again and probably will once more in the near future. Fate had nothing to do with it.

But that buzz…Dana couldn’t explain it, she didn’t think anyone could.

They break contact, arms falling back to their sides.

“Scully…” Mulder says, testing her name out on his tongue. It sounded weird to be called by her surname; she was Dana to her family and simply Girl for the family she’d worked for briefly in London, but never had never been Scully.

She liked it. And she liked it coming from him.

“I saw you earlier,” she says. “Staring.”

He looks away, embarrassed. “Sorry.”

Scully shrugs, smiling slightly. “It’s fine. You get used to it.”

Mulder looks at her shocked. “I wasn’t staring because you’re…you’re…” He struggles to find the words.

“Poor?” Scully offers, not feeling as offended as maybe she should be.

He shakes his head quickly. “No! Because you’re…”

“Fox!”

Scully turns to find an entourage of people walking towards them. An older Mulder leads the pack as the rest follow.

“I thought you’d gone back to your room?” the older man says.

“I went to get some air, see if that would help,” Mulder explains.

Scully watches the scene unfold in front of her, her eyes flicking back between Mulder and who she can only presume is his father.

“Well, we’re all heading back now, perhaps you would like to come with us.” It wasn’t a question.

Mulder nods and Scully doesn’t miss the way they outwardly ignore that she’s even there. She’s not naïve to what the upper class, English upper class especially, think of her, of her country and her ‘outlandish’ ways so she stands in silence, glad to be invisible for this moment.

“Let’s go then,” the father says, reaching for Mulder’s arm.

Scully watches the way Mulder tenses for a second then relaxes. She wasn’t always the best at reading people but she can see here that there’s no real relationship, no love, and as she watches the two she realises she has no affiliation with this type of dynamic. She may not of always seen eye-to-eye with her parents, her own father especially the older she got, but there was love there, despite everything that was one thing she had a lot of.

She watches Mulder begin to walk off, feeling for him in that moment and maybe he’d felt that sympathy, turning back to look at her, a sad smile across his face.

The next day brings Charlie dragging her down the corridor. He’d made a few friends last night it seems and he seemed anxious for her to meet one of them.

“Charlie, where are we actually going?” she asks, slightly annoyed, she had better things to do than to be dragged down a hallway by her brother.

“Hugo,” Charlie says turning back to her. “He mentioned last night that his daughter had come down with something and he was worried.”

Scully sighs, rolling her eyes. “So you mentioned me?” she huffs.

Charlie shrugs, stopping as they reach Room 52. “I just said I had a sister who was good at medicine and she might be able to help.” He knocks on the door twice then begins to walk away. Scully catches his arm and pulling him back before he could go any further.

“You’re not gonna stay with me?”

“You’ll be fine,” Charlie says, taking his arm from her grasp. “Just do what you do.” He walks off, leaving Scully alone in the long corridor.

The door opens and a large man stands in the doorway, towering over Scully.

“You are Charlie’s sister?” the man, who Scully assumes is the Hugo her brother mentioned, asks.

“Aye. My brother said your daughter was sick?”

Hugo nods, stepping out of the way to allow Scully into the small space.

A girl no older than eight lies in a bed, from where she stands Scully can see the sweat dripping down her face, hear her ragged wee breaths. Dana steps into the room, donning the Doctor Scully persona she’s already made up and walks over to the bed.

She sits in the space near the edge. “Hello. I’m Dana, what’s your name?”

“Agnes,” the little girl splutters. She’s quickly overcome by a coughing spell.

Scully smiles, “That’s a pretty name.” She says once Agnes is done coughing. She touches the girl’s forehead feeling the heat radiating off her. Turning to Hugo, she asks, “How long has she been like this?”

“Three days,” Hugo answers holding up three fingers to indicate. “They said they would not let us on ship but we begged and we told them Agnes would get better but she has not.”

Scully nods, looking back down at the girl.

“Do you know what is wrong with her, Doctor?”

A thrill ripples through Scully to hear herself be referred to as a doctor. She pushes that thrill aside, however, there’s time to bask in that later.

She moves from the bed to the wash basin in the corner. Grabbing a cloth nearby she runs it underneath the cold water before rinsing it and returning back to Agnes, placing the cloth against her forehead.

She thinks back to the journals, to her own gathered knowledge of caring for Charlie when he was sick.

“It’s just a fever,” Scully says. “It’ll break soon and I’m sure Agnes will be back to normal.”

Hugo looks as though he’s about to cry. “Thank you,” he says. “Thank you, thank you.”

Scully smiles, warmth spreading through her. There’s a knock on the door then and Hugo’s sincere expression turns to one of confusion. He turns back to the door, opening it slowly.

On the other side stands Mulder ducking slightly in the short doorway and looking entirely lost.

Scully stands, dumbfounded at his presence.

“Mulder?” she asks.

“You know this man?” Hugo asks.

“He’s a friend,” Scully clarifies. She ignores Mulder’s presence for a moment despite the way her stomach flips that he is here. She regains her focus, though rather hurriedly uttering instructions to Hugo.

“Take Agnes up to the deck as much as you can, the fresh air will do her some good. Hold the cloth to her forehead to cool her down. I’m intending on helping out at the infirmary later this week. If her fever persists bring her there.” Hugo nods and Scully leaves as quickly as she can, her hand grasping Mulder’s as she pulls him away from the door.

“What are you doing down here?” she asks now that her attention isn’t divided.

“I was looking for you,” Mulder says. “Your brother said you were in Room 52 so…”

In his other hand, she notices he carries a black book. Still holding his hand she guides him along the corridor to the exit.

“Come on, you canna be seen down here.”

They pass through the Galley on their way to the deck, many people gawking at Mulder and his fancy clothing on the way out. Scully tries to get him out of there as soon as possible but she doesn’t miss Charlie’s questioning look as she goes.

Once outside, she lets go of his hand.

“You’re a doctor?” Mulder asks, completely surprised.

Scully blushes, trying not to let it show. “Not really,” she admits. “Though I’m trying to be. It’s why we’re here, everywhere else said no so we thought maybe America would be better.”

It still pains her to remember the looks of disbelief she got when she went into the schools and hospitals asking for a place. Some had looked at her like she was seriously ill, others thought she was joking and some even laughed in her face. She was ready to give it all up, to sail back to Ireland and forget about it all, marry some farmer’s son and have some children, all until Charlie won the tickets.

“That’s amazing,” says Mulder. They begin their walk down the deck to the gate that separates third class from second.

Scully smiles, not quite sure she’d heard the words right, and tucks a piece of her behind her ear.

“It’s worth trying, I suppose.” They pass through the gate, ignoring the incredulous looks the second class passengers give them as they witness the rules be broken so poignantly.

“What’s this?” Wanting to steer the conversation away from her, Scully reaches for the black book in his hand. She gasps as her hand touches real leather, feels the material under her fingers tips.

“That’s not…”

She opens the first page and is completely taken away by the image that stares up at her.

A drawing of a girl between seven and nine stares back at her, her hair in pigtails and the biggest smile on her face as she jumps in the waves.

Scully stops frozen, staring at the drawing in complete amazement.

“Mulder…” she says, unbelieving what she sees before her. “Did you…did you draw this?” she asks.

Mulder nods. “I was eleven,” he says, redness forming on his cheeks. “She was the first one I drew.”

“There’s more?” Scully asks, wanting to see more of this beauty. She flips the page- an old man sitting on a bench in the park, flips to another page- a girl playing with a skipping rope, a boy playing football. “Mulder, these are…” She flips more pages, finds more drawings, each one increasing in detail and skill. “These are incredible.”

“Here,” he takes the book from her, sitting down on the bench and Scully follows. “Let me show you my favourite one.” He flips the pages further along, Scully catches glimpses of each piece of art, more and more impressed with his talent. He stops on a page that shows a woman sitting in a restaurant or diner. Mulder hands the book back to Scully and she takes it, staring at the drawing, all its intricacies.

“There was this restaurant in London that we used to go to all the time and every time we would go there, that woman would always be there.” He points to the clothing. “See how her clothes are all moth eaten? I thought, maybe, something had happened to her husband and she went back to the first place they met, or the first place they had dinner together, and she was just waiting for him to come back. Waiting in that same spot, never moving, as the moths eat her clothes…”

Scully gazes at the drawing, lulled by Mulder’s voice and story, completely enraptured by all of it. See could see it. See the restaurant, see the woman as though she was real, see the story being true.

“That’s beautiful, Mulder,” she says, turning her head slightly to look at him, her heart filling up with something unexplainable for a stranger she had only met last night.

“Do you have any more like that?” Before receiving an answer she flicks through more pages. She catches a glimpse of the next set of drawings, and a glimpse is all she needs before Mulder snatches the book away.

“Oh…” Scully says, her a flush spreading over her face.

“Sorry,” Mulder apologises, nervously, closing the book and keeping his hands pressed over it. “You weren’t meant to see them. Nobody’s ever seen them.”

Scully doesn’t care though, she’s interested, having got a small peak at another part of Mulder’s mind, she wants to see it fully.

“Show me,” she says, daring him to.

“Are you sure?” he asks, the book clutched firmly between his fingers.

She nods, willing her flush away. “I want to see them.”

Slowly he hands the book back to her. She reopens the page she was on and is met with a full-bodied drawing of a naked woman.

Scully isn’t jealous, she can’t be, Mulder is just a person she barely knows and he’s entitled to his life, to draw who and what he wants, but while she looks at the drawing, Scully can’t help but wonder who this woman was to Mulder. Was she someone he once cared about? Or was she just something to draw? Scully glances to Mulder, hoping that empathy, that connection the two seem to have with each other, is strong enough to read minds, strong enough for him to answer her silent question.

It isn’t.

And it doesn’t.

Scully moves on, to the next page. This one a series of close-ups consisting of breasts and vaginas. She’s seen diagrams of genitals in her medical journals but where they were meant to inform and educate, Mulder’s versions were made to…excite. But it’s the page next to it that Scully becomes interested in. A series of hands, some the same hand and others different, all from different angles.

“Why the hands?” she asks.

“They tell who a person is,” Mulder says. “Like yours…” He takes her hand off the page, holding it close to his face. “I noticed they’re always clean and maybe that has to do with you wanting to be a doctor.” He thumb runs along her fingers, gliding across her nails and sparks shoot through her, from fingers to toes. “And you cut your nails regularly; you care about your appearance.” He turns her hand over, palm now facing him as his thumb runs along there too. “And your hands are soft. Despite your poverty, you’ve never been forced to do hard labour.”

With his analysing done, Scully takes her hand back and looks at it.

“How wrong was I?” He asks sheepishly.

Scully smiles, moved but slightly scared. “You’re not,” she whispers, finding herself in awe. A smile breaks across his face.

“You have a real skill, Mulder,” Scully says, she looks back down at the drawings, flicking through. “You see people, for who they really are.”

“I try to.”

Scully stares at him, frustrated at how modest he is but also humbled by it. He honestly doesn’t see what a rare gift he has.

“What about you then?” he asks, taking the book back and closing it. “Aside from fixing people, what skills do you have?”

A mischievous smile appears across Scully’s face. Perhaps he’s expecting something along the same lines as his, but there is only one other skill Scully can think to show him.

She stands up. “Follow me and I’ll show you.”

Curiosity now replacing his modest expression, he follows Scully along the deck and through the final gate to first class, once again thrilled by breaking the rules but feeling completely free of the consequences. She finds the most secluded area and looks out towards the sea.

“Now,” she begins capturing Mulder’s full attention. “This is a skill that I’m very proud of.”

“Okay…”

She gives one last mischievous smile, fully planning on shocking Mulder, ready to gauge that reaction.

Just as she was taught, she gathers up as much spit as she can, puffs her lips out, pulls her head back and shoots forward over the railings as a ball of spit flies out into the ocean.

She looks to Mulder when she’s done, finds him completely awe struck.

“Miss Scully,” he admonishes with a smile and light of voice. “And I thought you were above your kind’s crude ways?”

Scully laughs, pleased with herself and pleased he isn’t offended by such a minuscule thing.

“There are some things I have in common with them. You try.”

He looks at her for help. “I don’t…?”

“It’s easy,” she says, shaking her head. She begins the process again. “Get as much spit as you can, gather it together, lips puffy, head back, swing forward and shoot.” Another ball of spit shoots into the air and falls into the ocean again.

Mulder tries, doing as she says, and his attempt is pitiful, most of it falling down his chin. Scully laughs.

“You can do better than that.”

She watches his second attempt, watches him try his hardest to get as far as her spit went.

Not quite there but better than the first time.

Lost in teaching him how to spit, Scully doesn’t hear the group of people approaching, she continues to gather spit, making less than appealing noises to do so, it’s only when she’s sees Mulder has gone rigid beside her that she stops and turns towards the four women who stand there.

“Fox?” The oldest woman says. “What are you doing?”

“I was just, um…”

The woman’s eyes fall to Scully, her gaze unwavering and unforgiving.

“Rules are set to keep order,” the woman begins to explain. Scully thinks she’s saying them to Mulder but her stare doesn’t weaver from Scully. “They keep things as they are supposed to be, nothing out of place, nothing in the wrong place.” Her eyes move to Mulder. “You know that Fox.”

Mulder nods. “I do, Mother. But I thought this could be an exception. See, I invited Miss Scully onto the deck.”

His mother’s lips pursue at the mention of Scully’s last name, a thin line forming.

“Scully.” The woman’s eyes fall back to Dana. “A very old Irish name, isn’t it?”

Scully shifts uncomfortably, wanting nothing more than any of the women to not acknowledge her presence, but she’s on their deck and that is a wish that is soon not to be granted.

“Aye, Ma’am,” says Scully.

Mrs Mulder smiles but it looks painful and forced. She turns back to her son.

“You know the rules, Fox.”

Her eyes meet Mulder’s, an unspoken promise that they will meet again.

“I need to get back to my brother anyway.”

As she goes to leave, she catches Mulder’s eyes once more. He glances down to his hand and her eyes follow. The book.

She leans closer into him, using her arm to conceal the book and takes it, quickly moving it in front of her.

“Miss Scully!” A younger, more clear-cut voice rings through the air and Scully turns, moving the book to behind her back.

“Yes?”

The youngest girl steps forward, standing next to Mulder’s mother.

“How would you like to join us for dinner tonight?”

“Phoebe…” Mulder whispers through gritted teeth, even Mrs Mulder turns to the girl in utter shock. Of the other two women standing with them, it’s the dark haired one who sends Phoebe a glare but it goes unnoticed.

For a second Scully is taken aback by the request, unable to answer. Finally, she stupidly asks. “You want me to join you for dinner? In first class?”

“Yes, no better place, is there?” Phoebe says, a grin itching across her face. “It’s my invitation to you. Since you seem to be a friend of Fox, I think it’s worth getting to know you.”

Scully knows how this works, knows she’s in a catch-22; she can’t deny this request but by agreeing she’s submitting herself to a night of humiliation and cattiness.

Scully supposes she’d just have to be catty back.

“Of course I will, Miss…?”

“Miss Green,” says Phoebe. “Soon to be Mrs Mulder.” Her left hand moves in front of her right, the gigantic engagement ring that could no doubt feed her and Charlie for years if they got their hands on it, shines on her ring finger.

Scully’s face falls. She looks to Mulder who has the presence of mind to avoid her gaze. She had no idea he had a fiancé and the sudden knowledge feels like a betrayal but she tosses that feeling away, forcing it down and smiling.

“Of course, Miss Green. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

Phoebe smiles brightly back. “Wonderful!” she exclaims. She turns towards one of the other women standing with them. “I’m sure Monica has something you can wear?”

Monica turns out to be the dark haired, glaring woman. She smiles at Phoebe, though it seems forced and uncomfortable. “I’m sure I have something for her to wear,” she says.

“Wonderful,” Phoebe says again. “Then I shall see you tonight.”

“Aye…” mutters Scully but it goes unheard.

Phoebe gathers her posse and they continue their walk down the deck.

Alone again, Scully passes the book back to Mulder.

“I don’t know what she’s playing at,” he says, tucking the book into his jacket. “You don’t have to attend if you don’t want to.”

“No, I’m…curious to see how the other half live.” It wasn’t a lie, the curiosity was there but so was apprehension.

Mulder smiles. “Well then, I’ll see you tonight.” He takes her hand, kissing the top of it and butterflies swirl in her stomach.

[femmeanonymelives]

Isn't it lovely? (Santiago Garcia x OC)

Santiago Garcia x Singer/Songwriter!OC

Mentioned platonic Frankie Morales x OC

(Santiago refers to her as the nickname "Songbird," but real name is Valerie) Inspired by the song "Lovely" by Billie Eilish (with Khalid)

Series Masterlist

Ari's note: This is pure angst and fluff. Some adult language, usage of alcohol and some spoilers for Triple Frontier. This song somehow keeps showing up on my Spotify rotation. It is very beautiful and heartbreaking. I wanted to write something that deals with this song and somehow it reminds me of Santi.

The rain putters on the window seal. 

Seattle.

 The warm air fills the room with comfort from the cold, rainy weather outside. Started playing with the keys of the keyboard that someone that I loved bought me for my birthday. Pulls out a small yellow notebook with song lyrics. A familiar tone that I used to play around with when we hang out together.

“Happy Birthday, songbird. You can finally become the real Piano Man,” he joked before taking another gulp of beer as he played with my then-shaggy, long black hair. It was my birthday a few years earlier. A few days before the boys went down to South America and fucked shit up there. Santi hosted the festivities at his house. The boys, their partners, and a few of our mutual friends met up and had dinner. Santi wanted to make his present special. 

“Honestly, Frankie could have made that joke, but you honestly made the joke somehow shittier,” laughs softly as I play my legs in his lap. He gives the classic “you know you love me” smirk as he gives me a soft kiss.

“Frankie would have requested Sweet Caroline, but knowing you,” he holds my chin in his hand as he makes look at him in his sweet brown eyes, “you would be performing in stadiums soon, not in a bar. I will be by your side when you headline your first show.”

I moved to Seattle a few years back after the guy I last loved left me for a trip that, according to him, “broke him from the inside out.” I did music before I met him. Choir and piano lessons since I was six. If you are talking to my mother about my musical talents, she blames my father who was a musician that performed at the family bar. Started writing some wanderlust type songs, but never really got anywhere in Florida.

Frankie was the one who introduced us. I am the girl “who can sing Taylor Swift better than Taylor Swift without making it annoying.” He was the pain in the ass that Frankie would constantly tell him to ask me out. He saw I brought out a softer side to Santi, even though Santi is a horrible singer.

When he broke it off with me, he blamed how the fucked the mission was from the beginning, how Tom fucking died, how he was worried what was going to happen to him and his squad, and he was worried how we was going to explain this to me. He wanted his share of the money to go to me so we could move and start my music career.

“Songbird, I fucking love you but I need you to understand that I am doing this to set you free. You don’t need me anymore. I am sorry.” He kissed me like this was the last kiss that he was going to ever take with me. Four years of passion, long-distance phone calls, and stale beer thrown away like Tom’s body near the Andes.

That was the last time I saw him. 

Three Years Later

I am back in humid Florida, visiting family and Frankie and performing at a local music venue. I step up on stage. Getting a warm welcome from my hometown crowd. Under the bright stage, I see Frankie and the boys… and then I see him.. Drinking a Bud Light in one hand, and wearing an old baseball cap. His hair and stubble is more gray. He looks tired, not wanting to be there. Worried that Frankie brought him to a trap. I move towards the piano and start playing the song that somehow people are recognizing themselves to. My soft, yet powerful alto voice sings the lyrics when I was alone by myself in Seattle.

“Thought I found a way

Thought I found a way out (found)

But you never go away (never go away)

So I guess I gotta stay now

Oh, I hope someday I'll make it out of here

Even if it takes all night or a hundred years

Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near

Wanna feel alive, outside I can't fight my fear

Isn't it lovely? All alone

Heart made of glass, my mind of stone

Tear me to pieces, skin to bone

Hello, welcome home”

As I look up into the crowd, I stare into his eyes like I did years ago. Making me realizing that the song is hurting him the same way he hurt me all of those years prior. I tried to focus on anyone, but him. Tears swell up as I think of us at our happiest as I sing aloud.

“Walking out of time

Looking for a better place 

Something's on my mind

Always in my head space

But I know someday I'll make it out of here

Even if it takes all night or a hundred years

Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near

Wanna feel alive outside I can't fight my fear

Isn't it lovely? All alone

Heart made of glass, my mind of stone

Tear me to pieces, skin to bone

Hello. Welcome home

Whoa, yeah

Yeah, ah

Whoa, whoa

Hello, welcome home”

I hear a mass applause from the crowd as I quickly wipe my tears as I look towards the crowd.

 I see Santi and Frankie gone. I focused on the rest of my set that focused on songs from my album and a few covers of Fleetwood Mac.

After the show, I head backstage towards my dressing room. I see Santi standing there, mad and regretful at what he did to me. His knuckles are bloody, which he fought with Frankie in the parking lot. 

“Songbird, listen to me-”

“Don’t… just don’t call me.. the bullshit you pulled forfeits the right to call me that.”

“Valerie, I am sorry. I fucked up. I should have told you the truth from the beginning.”

“Santi, it is not that… you fucked up this relationship by using Tom’s fucking death for a reason to end it… That is not a good enough excuse for me. Why are you here?”

“When Frankie told me that you were coming into town, I was scared shitless. The money was for you.”

“Santiago Garcia, don’t be fucking with me about this. The one time I see you are telling more bullshit.”

“Val, that money for you and I to spend a life together.” He takes a deep sigh and runs his fingers through his hair. “That money was for you to actually start your career.”

“Bullshit… absolute bullshit! Stop lying to me just to save your own ass.” He grabs my arm and pulls me back in my dressing room. He locked the door.

“That song.. You wrote that about us…”

“I was hurting. Frankie was the only of you assholes to reach out.” Santiago is shocked; he knew Frankie and I were close, but never knew the impact that our relationship had. “Ben couldn’t even look me in the face when I saw him in Seattle.”

“So you wrote a fucking break-up song, Val? I know I was a dick by how I treated you, but I am telling the truth” He sounds more hurt than angry. The song made him seem like the biggest asshole in the world.

“I wrote it because you left me the minute you came back. I was angry. I was in a town by myself, wishing you called and said that you made a fucking mistake, but you didn’t.” Santi grabs me by my now-long dyed red hair and kisses me like he did three years earlier.

“I love you, Val.. and I am sorry for what I did.” 

I walked out of the door; not being able to stay there another second without crying. As I head to my rental car after grabbing my stuff, tears stream down my eyes as I whisper to myself in the car, “I love you too.”

[fizzing-imagines]

Card Game | Househusband! Steve Harrignton x Airforce! Reader

Notes: This is my first Steve fic and idk if I like it yet. I have some more Steve in the works so stay tuned!!

Warnings: Mentions of 9/11, description of sexual harassment

Words: 1.1k

"This is what I mean when I say that she's like you.", you said to your husband Steve while getting dressed into your airforce uniform. "She's not, you're the soldier in this family.", he replied while packing his bag. Your oldest daughter Robin got into a fight at school with a boy. When Steve had her on the phone earlier, she said she did it because said boy kept touching her inappropriately and made unwanted comments. He has been causing her discomfort for weeks, but every time Steve tried to talk to her teachers they dismissed it by saying that he probably just likes her. You were deployed in New York after the tragedies of September 11th hit America to patrol the city from above and only returned last night. While you were updated by Steve over the phone, there was nothing you could physically do. Until now.

"And you should thank me for that, because I'm gonna put an end to this in a matter of two minutes." You finished by putting your cap on your head. "Do you remember the gameplan?" Your husband nodded and repeated what you told him. "I arrive, get into the office and say that you'll be there shortly because you're coming from work. Then you show up a few minutes later." He took the nappy bag he packed for your youngest child, who had to come with, and kissed you on your lips once. "Very good, now go.", you said with a smile, gave him another quick kiss before he went into your sons room to get going with him.

You left five minutes after he did and eventually arrived at Hawkins High, your daughters high school. It seemed like the students were currently on their lunchbreak and some looked after you when you walked into the school and navigated through the halls you last walked along as a student two decades ago. Once you arrived at the principals office, you knocked on the door and went inside once you heard a "Come in.".

Steve was already sitting in front of the principals desk with your son in his lap, the chair next to him was still free. Then there were two other adults, a blonde woman with an annoyed facial expression and a brown-haired, slightly obese man who looked angry. However, once you stepped inside their facial expressions changed to a slightly surprised, maybe even shocked, one. Your daughter sat on the far left next to your husband while the boy, Kevin, sat next to his parents. His right eye was purple and swollen, he has a busted lip and a bruise on his jaw.

"Please excuse my tardiness, I've just gotten off of work." You took off your hat and sat down on the chair next to Steve. "It's not a problem, ma'am.", Principal Coleman said to you. You actually couldn't believe that he was still principal of Hawkins High, even after 20 years. "I see that you've followed your dreams." You smiled at him and nodded. "I did sir, but we can talk about that later. Please, fill me in.". You looked at your daughter Robin who sat there with her armes crossed and a mildly annoyed facial expression.

"Your daughter beat up our son.", the mother said. You could tell she was holding back anger. "He slapped my ass!", Robin snapped at her. You already knew who's side you were on, but had to pretend like you didn't. "Robin, please watch your languages.", Steve said to him. "Mr. Coleman, I've been trying to talk to the staff about this before. Robin told me for weeks that a boy in her grade was harassing her with unwanted comments and inappropriate touching." Kevin's father rolled his eyes at Steve's words. "It's because he likes her, that's how he shows it. Kevin has been talking about her for weeks, it's just a crush. Boys will be boys, and it wasn't your daughters right to beat him up." You calmly listened to the two fathers bickering, with Steve being greatly offended that he tried to blame your daughter. "I think there is an easy way to settle this.", you said. "I teach all of my children, especially my daughters, that it's their god-given right to do whatever is necessary to defend themselves from any right of harassment. If she saw fit to punch him, I don't see the point of being angry at Robin."

"Mrs. Harrington, our policy states that no violence is acceptable in any shape, way or form.", Principle Coleman said to you. "But sexual harassment is?", you replied with a raised eyebrow. "I don't protect this country so my daughter grows up thinking it's okay for her to be harassed." Playing the army card was the best thing in this situation, because that shut everyone up very quickly. "And what was that about boys will be boys?" You turned your head to Kevin's father. "What if I said that after 9/11 and refused to patrol our cities?" He looked ashamed at your words, rightfully so. "If you so desperately want to give Robin a punishment, I suggest a week of suspension because I would've kept her, just like all of my kids, home. As for Kevin" you looked at the boy, who looked greatly intimidated by you. "The minimum should be a months worth of suspension." You looked back at Principal Coleman. "We don't want any more trouble in this school, do we?" There was a two second silence in the room before it was broken by Coleman. "No, ma'am." Kevin did get a months worth of suspension, followed with a month of detention. Robin didn't get any punishment, but you excused her from school for the rest of the week. Afterwards, you picked up all other of your four kids.

"You really nailed that.", Steve said to you while pushing your sons stroller towards your family van. "We make a great team.", you said with a smile, followed by the two of you high-fiving each other. The rest of the day was spend together as a family, all eight of you. You made plans for the week together, while keeping the Saturday free for you and Steve to have some alone time. Dustin volunteered to take the kids for the day.

Once you brought the kids to bed, you and Steve got into bed together. He pulled you close to his chest, wrapped his arms around you and squeezed you tightly to his body. "I missed you so much.", he whispered before giving you a kiss on the forehead. "I missed you too, Steve.", you said back, then leaned into a kiss. "Gonna be home for two weeks, got me all for yourself." He smiled at you while stroking along your cheek with one of his thumbs. "Back on patrol then?", he asked. You made a "Mhm" sound while leaning into his touch. "But only above Indiana. I'm home for now."

"Well, then I'm back home too."

[deputy-morgan-malone]

Other OCs (part 1)

I’ve been wanting to talk about other OCs that may or may not be a part of Morgan’s story - I haven’t decided yet, and there’s always aus - but I felt like I wanted to make at least something for them rather than just ramble, and I could never quite get up the motivation.  But today I have, using this picrew, for a few at least.  So:

Connor Lannon

His hair should really be silver/grey rather than white - as should Morgan’s grandparents in this post - but the picrew only had white (purple and blue, but not grey) and I’d already started making some characters in it and I kind of wanted to have a bit of a ‘uniform’ representation for them, so - I did what I could.

Connor is probably the most fanciful idea I came up with.  Essentially, he is a career criminal, a contract killer/enforcer for the most part - with a lot of Liam Neeson in Taken vibes, but more evil and I only vaguely think of Liam as a faceclaim for him.  About 20 years before the start of the game, he was on a job in Montana.  Things went south, he had to run, and ended up getting hunted down by a rival gang.  His car stalled on a road around Great Falls, and Morgan’s father happened to pass by.  He helped fix the car for free, and when people looking for Connor showed up - he let Connor hide and covered for him, sent them on their way.  Without asking any questions or demanding anything in return, despite a decent implication he might get hurt for it.  Connor got out of the job safe and sound, but he kept thinking back on that incident a lot as the years went by.  20 years later, now in his middle age, he has something of an existential crisis - he decides one thing he really wants to do is find that guy who saved him, thank him, and see if he can pay the debt back in any way.

He tracks down Morgan’s father, but finds out he died years earlier.  He still visits Morgan’s mother, being very vague about his connection to Morgan’s dad, and finds out about Morgan.  Morgan who has just started a career in law enforcement, away from her family.  And he decides to go find her and see if he can ‘repay’ the debt by helping her in some way.  I figure that getting in to Hope County during the Reaping wouldn’t be quite as difficult as getting out - the Cult wants to ‘save every soul they can’ - so whether it’s during the Reaping or in a no-warrant AU, he manages to get to Morgan and - helping her out with the immediate problems in her life in either situation brings him rather sharply into conflict with Eden’s Gate.

He basically just came out of an idea I had for a) Morgan deserves a psychotic badass on her side, and b) how would she deal with a psycho, given her morals, outside of the specific culture of Eden’s Gate and ‘we’re saving people really’.  Connor is a psychopath in my general conception of him - but not a pure one, not incapable of empathy, just having had it crushed out of him by a lifetime of organised crime and trying to survive it.  He has some feeling - hence his getting stuck on Morgan’s dad’s act of selflessness, and wanting to ‘repay’ that in some way.  But he is not a nice man, and he will do horrible things, despite having the ‘honourable’ goal of helping Morgan.  How that will mesh with her morals, and the situation she’s in, will likely be very messy.

Carl

Carl is a member of Eden’s Gate - not a Chosen, but one of those high-level ‘security’ dudes with the cool black coats.  During the Reaping, and maybe in some aus, Joseph specifically wants him to try to talk with Morgan about her situation and why she should join Eden’s Gate, because Carl has a unique insight into her position - he used to be a Deputy at the Sheriff’s Department too.  He joined up, very optimistic and with the best of intentions - but became disillusioned with law enforcement in the County and in America.  Largely related to the treatment of black and POC people, and poor people.  He does do his best to make a connection with Morgan and talk to her - but very often at the end of a shotgun, or after she’s been woken up from being knocked-out, tied up, again.  She is a slippery one.

I don’t have a specific last name for Carl - I was thinking Teller, but I also quite like the headcanon that everyone in the Cult takes on the last name Seed, because they’re all a ‘family’ - except for Feeney, to whom no rules apply.  Teller may be his pre-Cult surname, but I also might change it.  I don’t have a lot of backstory decided for Carl, but I really like the idea of him and Cold Little Heart by Michael Kiwanuka always makes me think of him.

[midnightactual]

Hayden wasn't the first person to think that—not that Yoruichi knew his mind or that of others before him, but she might guess. She didn't though, because she didn't care about how what she had to say was perceived—not immediately, anyway.

His eventual defiance gave her a moment's pause. It was impressive in a way, and equal parts surprising yet not. While present in the moment and listening with utterly stoic impassivity as he approached her and vented, another part of her was also coldly analyzing the situation.

Right now he reminded her of no one so much as Grimmjow, and to some degree even Hōgyoku—there was no 'the' in front of it anymore in her thinking—and Kisuke. As she realized that, she had to mentally stop herself from reflexively giving a sardonic smile—such an expression wouldn't be understood in context by Hayden and would not help the present situation.

Was this perhaps fate? Was this its sense of humor? An endless parade of largely men of iron convictions standing before her, literally or figuratively. Many mortals qualified, but she truly thought of other spirits. Her father. Kaien. Yamamoto. Byakuya. Aizen. Ichigo. Tokinada. Hōgyoku. Grimmjow. Kisuke. Hayden.

To an extent she could respect it when she saw it. It could be attractive or repulsive. It was a part of what attracted her to Kūkaku—having conviction like that being on her side for once.

She had her own too.

At a high level, she knew that she and Hayden weren't really so different. She too was a soldier. She too had a kind of beast inside her. She too could wreak terrible destruction. She too could even like it. She too didn't appreciate orders anymore. She too had fought and killed for many of the same teams, many times over.

The difference was she did not miss it. There were other differences too, which had sometimes put her on opposing teams from him, but that was where they really diverged.

She was like George Washington, like Lucius Quinctius Cincinnatus. She always wanted nothing more than to go back to her proverbial Martha at Mount Vernon, to her figurative farm. She only wanted to go home to Kūkaku, to her wife's comforts. Everything else, no matter how richly dressed up in rhetoric about doing the right thing, was to make that possible, feasible, and sustainable as much as possible, for as long as possible.

This difference was made explicitly clear when he raised his voice at her, though the delivery bothered her not in the least. The words were all that mattered to her.

She knew what he was ultimately trying to say: he was attempting to draw a comparison between them, suggesting that she fought out of obligation to retain all that she had been born into, while he had come from 'nothing' and gained 'what little' he had from fighting.

That was of course complete bullshit, and she could prove that easily. He had been born into a title: citizen. He had been born into a land: America. He had been born into a history: American. He had been born into a family name: Hayden—he went by it for heaven's sake. He had been born into a legacy: American exceptionalism, can-do attitude, rugged individualism, and self-determination. Whatever that nation's foibles and failings—and she knew they were many, as she had lived there, fought for it, paid taxes to it, and considered it a place she belonged as much as Tokyo or Paris—she could say he embodied it, but he hadn't gained any of those things by fighting. They had been given to him first, then he had fought in their names. It was a kind of nonsense typical of his countrymen, inheriting so much yet somehow believing themselves to be self-made. As if his parents hadn't made him, as if the U.S. Army hadn't made him, as if the Gotei 13 hadn't made him...

Her memory itched.

It cast his fear voiced moments earlier in a completely absurdist light. Of course he had existed! She'd literally seen the records! There was a long paper trail in his wake: citations, after-action reports, histories, doctrine. She had no doubt there were plenty of his comrades in arms wandering around with clear memories of him. He could drop dead this very moment before her and there would still be, if only somewhat collated, a thick binder of evidence testifying to his existence. His deeds echoed through history among the living and the dead alike. It was a typical fear, but no less ridiculous for it.

Yet here he was, holding up his hands and all but saying that was all he amounted to: not even a man, merely a wielder of tools in the name of causes he did not even really enjoy himself. Was that not also an absurdist paradox: fearing destruction, yet feeling pointless unless he risked destruction?

For a moment she could again feel their similarities. She too could never stop fighting to secure what she had gained, but she fought to keep having it. Yes, to a great extent she understood him, but their differences once again became a yawning chasm between them: she fought to live, he lived to fight. It was clear as day to her.

Once he'd gone quiet, she stared at him implacably in total silence. Her thoughts returned to that list of men.

When one of them met another, or when she met one of them, in time one would yield somehow. Ichigo had quite the record of operating against the others and changing their trajectories in life, but his too had ultimately been bent. No one was either an irresistible force or an immovable object—not even herself.

This was indeed a battle as much as it was a conversation, but it wasn't about right and wrong. It wasn't even about winning or losing. He had defied her order and in so doing challenged her authority, but she held no formal command over him and cared nothing for a social pecking order. He had not disrespected her any more than she had him. She stood nothing to lose from simply walking away, so why didn't she? The same was true of him if he didn't like what he was hearing, so why didn't he? It wasn't a matter of being heard, or even being understood either. They had communicated and understood one another. She saw him plainly. Their differences were bright and clear. What was left then?

This was about willpower. It was as simple as an elastic collision in physics: who would continue on their course and who would be deflected from it? That sounded really macho, and maybe it was, but maybe their relationship always had been. Who got in the other's head more?

As she'd considered earlier, everyone was originally a product of their circumstances, but adults could choose what they wanted to be, hard as it sometimes was to make that a reality. As she had once told Tokinada: 'Yeah, and I’ll say it as many times as I need to. Regardless of who my ancestors were, I am still me. And you are still you.' And as she'd also said another time: 'Fuck you. I make myself.'

Her mind turned to relatively more recent experiences again: Hōgyoku, Grimmjow, and Kisuke. Words had served her poorly with all of them—with most of the others too, if she was perfectly honest. Had they deflected her more than she had them? Did that grate on her? Was this petty? Was it as simple as being about bringing up her score? Did she even care how Hayden thought or saw the world?

The truth was yes, she did at least kind of care about how Hayden saw the world, and what he'd said was concerning and rather sad. He might acquire greater power and take more risks than her because he seemed to think he had nothing to lose but himself, but as much as she'd derided nakama and the power of friendship earlier, truly fighting for something was always stronger than just fighting alone. One could grow fat and weak in victory, but a need for victory kept one hungry, and winning and victory were leagues apart.

Her memory itched again.

Even more than that though, she cared about how she saw the world herself. She liked where she was at now with things, whereas he was conflicted about where he was. She had the better position. She had a sustainable reason to fight, and as she saw it he did not—any undergrad in psychology could tell you bottling up rage inside was foolish. She had the better fuel. Beyond that, she had more experience and had seen lower lows and higher highs than him. She had the better certainty.

She would not be deflected here.

Now she only needed the better means. She could defeat his perspective in detail and talk him to death if she wanted to, but that wouldn't work. He wasn't that kind of man. None of them had been. Pointing out logical inconsistencies was for debate club, not this kind of battle. The trite remark of 'The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results,' scrolled through her thoughts. By association came a title: 'Mountain and Sea Changing'. Its neighbors came with it: 'Crushing', 'Knocking the Heart Out', and 'Becoming New'.

She would become new, crush him, and knock his heart out with one blow—one relatively brief statement.

The memory which had been tugging at her thoughts made itself fully known to her then. What she had to say would hurt, but she did not say it with malice or spite.

Things had been quiet for four seconds when she spoke up, her voice thoughtful and composed: "The Visual Department has been largely defunct for a while now—in no small part due to uncoordinated actions by myself and Kurotsuchi—but it used to record just about everything. I first broke into it a little while before I had Tokinada killed, but afterward I took advantage of the chaos there to copy the bulk of their records. Those from the latter part of the war with Wandenreich are fragmentary at best, but the earlier part is well documented. I've sat through everything they have from it in the time since."

There was a slightly longer pause between her sentences, an allowance for his state of mind in order to let what she'd just said really start to sink in, before she continued, "I know exactly how the Sōtaichō died back then. It gives me no pleasure to inform you that I've realized different things we've said today remind me of some of Yhwach's final words to him."

She had memorized that scene, pivotal as it was to history, and with only a slightly deeper tone to indicate she was quoting that wretched mockery of a man, she echoed his cadence in saying, "You've gotten weak. Shigekuni Yamamoto. You were different before. The original Gotei 13 that you founded… were defenders in name only. They were a group of cold-hearted killers. But because of that… they were to be greatly feared. And it was you who kept them in line. You were truly a beast with the sword. You used anything and everything to slay an enemy. The lives of your men weighed only as much as ash to you. But that all changed when you killed us Quincy off. Once you people had peace… you had more to protect, more to love. You became a hesitant and gutless bunch over some foolish sense of justice and pride. You died… not realizing this, but I'll tell you now. The Soul Society is about to die… but the Gotei 13… died with us, a thousand years ago.'"

With that she fell silent, only audibly inhaling and then exhaling slowly, as if that man's words had somehow tainted her mouth and throat, and she sought to expel such corruption from herself.

She didn't editorialize aloud any further. Hayden wasn't stupid. He didn't need for her to articulate his own relationship with Yama-jī, or for her to point out what reminded her of what, or for her to belabor that what he had said just now sounded like a rebuke of how his sensei had lived his last millennium and an agreement with that man's killer.

He didn't need to hear it from her that everything had been different when Yama-jī had gotten mad too, and that Yama-jī had not been made for peace either. He didn't need to hear it from her that nonetheless, Yama-jī had waited through comparatively peaceful times like an intercontinental ballistic missile in its silo, patient and poised. He didn't need to hear it from her that Yhwach was wrong in saying having things to protect had made Yama-jī weaker. He didn't need to hear it from her that Yhwach had only won against Yama-jī through trickery, like Aizen before him. He didn't need to hear it from her that Yama-jī had actually grown stronger by being a human than by being a beast or a demon. He didn't need to hear it from her that Yama-jī had made everyone else stronger that way too.

She could recall with perfect clarity the faces of pride she'd seen in the Visual Department's footage, and then the shock and horror that'd followed. She knew Hayden knew all these things because she'd seen them on his face in that footage too.

After long seconds of respectful silence, Yoruichi turned from Hayden and began to walk away. Five steps later, she stopped as if to say something.

A moment passed. She thought better of it and kept walking to get her zanpakutō and leave. If he had something to say, or wanted to find her sometime later, he was fully capable of deciding that by himself.

With every step, her own certainty grew. She had not fully put it together until this very moment in time that the Sōtaichō, Sōshireikan, and Sōsui had all decided to become more human in their own ways, as had many others. For such different people to all come to the same conclusion, the probability that they were all wrong wasn't just infinitesimal, it was zero.

They had all become stronger for it, living or dead. She was not deflected.

She talks a lot.

To some it would prove a daunting thing. Annoying even. To Hayden it was simply another facet of Yoruichi, simply the nature of the beast. You didn't step into the cage with a tiger with the expectation everything would be fine. You knew the dangers and the risks, the reward might not even be worth it. Unless you where one of those masochists or thrill-seekers.

Hayden was arguably both, just not in this context.

He hated being verbose. Speaking too much. His thought process was not as focused as some so he ran the risk of rambling. He preferred to be a silent worker, to do what needed to be done. Take the hits like she said, and strike when the moment was best. And yet, he found himself in opposition to her right now.

Surely, she did not believe him the same man he was ten years ago?

He was a soldier. A man of war. A student of the art, and virtuoso in all manners of killing men. It was a skill set he cultivated and took pride in. But Desmond Hayden was on the cusp of becoming something more. No that wasn't quite right. He was something more.

"Rage itself, does not carry the day." He bites bark, as if planting his flag in the ground.

Come and take it. Yes, it was going to be that type of struggle.

One of his hands lower off his Zanpakutou, his previous posture which was that of a fighter relaxing. His hands go to make the unmistakable motion of sheathing his weapon, a silent indication he was indeed not going to attack her. That time had passed the moment she cast aside her own.

He could not say if this action was lowering himself to her level, or raising himself to her. But whatever the semantics it brought them to even footing. Unarmed, engaged in a different confrontation. The bruises and marks on his body still visible contrasted to her flawless body.

He walks towards her slowly. One foot in front of the other, crushing rocks and dirt beneath his stride as he speaks.

"But you take that rage, you bottle it. You distill it. You get something powerful, something that can turn feeble men into monsters. Topple nations. I think you know this. Bushidou or not, it works. But that ain't what this is about."

By the time he nears the end of the sentence he stands in front of her. His face is tensed, anger is still palpable. What is anger really? What is rage? That simmering feeling that boils beneath one's skin, the destructive feeling that settles in your gut. The need to inflict harm on those around you. It is that influx of strength, of power, to change things violently. Without regard for the wounds left behind.

Even now, he is struggling to bring it down. Yoruichi might have been the catalyst to spark it, but she isn't the fuel. The bottomless pit of energy that sustains his rage, it's deeper than being knocked around in a fight. Double edge blade that it is.

"We're at a strange place right now, Yoruichi. Because I should do what you say. Every sensible part of me, is telling me I should take that knee. Because I am a soldier. And I follow the lawful orders given to me."

He has never concerned himself with the why of what she does. Force of nature that he knows she is. Normally he either agrees with her, or doesn't. They have no need to have debates and arguments, for both of them are two willful to be changed. So he has to wonder why they are now at this point. He thinks he knows, internally. He thinks he knows why he needs to speak today.

"But being a soldier, requires me to be a violent man. And I've been trying to change, you see. I've been trying to not be that man anymore, because he scares me. But I miss him. I miss him so much."

Has she felt these emotions before? Looking at her now, he thinks she has. Nothing to substantiate this. Just a gut feeling.

"Truthfully. I think I'm just tired of taking orders from people. I think if I have to be that violent man, I want to do it on my own accord..."

"BECAUSE I CAN'T BE A PEACEFUL MAN! I AM NOT MADE FOR IT!"

His temper flares, a vein explodes on his neck as he roars at her.

"YOU WANNA KNOW WHY I FIGHT!? BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY GOD DAMNED THING WORTH DOING! BECAUSE IF I DON'T FIGHT, THEN DID I EVEN EXIST!?"

This feels good, cathartic.

"I have no titles, I have no lands, I have no history. I have no family name or pedigree, no legacy. All I have is because I fought, I stood at the front of gunfire! I died for a country not my own! I fight because it makes me feel alive! It gives me purpose!"

All the causes he ever fought for, that he killed for, he did so because he believed them just and righteous. He lifts his hands up, displaying his palms to her.

"Everything IS different once I'm mad. You want the truth, you want all the bullshit stripped away, this is what I am. Discipline isn't merely just regimentation for me."

He struggles with the next words. Because he cannot form them clearly to convey his intent.

If he gave into the rage, he'd be stronger. So much stronger. Feeding that demon, riding that lightning so to speak. But he becomes less him, less Hayden. Less human.

He is a visored. And although he does not speak of his condition, it is because he likes to not think of it. Because his Hollow is not merely something he can tame. The rage comes from somewhere.

[intercoursefluids]

Believe Me Chapter 6

“Where should we put her? We were supposed to fly back today so we didn’t get a room or a bed for her.”

Damian sets his jacket down on the couch, moving to pull the covers of his bed back and gesturing for Jon to set her there.

“She can have my bed, I doubt that I will be using it tonight anyway. I have some work I need to do. Cesaire, if you wish to do the same I have no problem with you sharing my bed with her. I understand that she is your best friend and you likely want to remain to ensure she is safe.”

Alya nods, planting herself right beside Marinette on the bed.

“Glad you said so because I was going to be staying whether you said I could or not.”

Jon spoke up again after he had finished rearranging Marinette on the bed.

“Wait, why don’t I just put her on my bed? She’s my sister after all.”

Damian cracked his neck, stretching out his back as he replied.

“You stress eat, I know for a fact that you were eating in bed and there are probably crumbs everywhere. It's gross.”

Jon grumbles, complaining that it isn’t that bad even as he shakes out his blankets.

The door opens again a few seconds later, Clark rushing through and making a bee line for Marinette as Bruce closed the door behind them.

Clark reaches a hand out, probably to brush a few of the loose strands of hair from her face.

He gets interrupted by a cell phone smacking his hand, looking over to see Alya glaring at him.

“Who the fuck are you?”

“Who are you?”

Clark blushes as she curses at him, Alya leaning over to cover Marinette’s sleeping form with her body.

“Name’s Alya, I’m her best friend and I will not let some random man touch her while she’s sleeping.”

Her glare is on par with one of Damian’s own family members in mask and Damian spots his father nodding approvingly to the side.

Clark reels back, just noticing how it may seem to her and starts trying to apologize, continuously tripping over his words as he does.

“I am so sorry! I am her- well, what I mean to say is I’m her- She’s my-”

Alya’s eyes widened in understanding, rolling over Marinette and onto the floor sticking a hand out for him to shake.

“Nevermind, I can recognize that sputtering anywhere. You must be Mar’s Bio-Dad, as I said earlier, I’m Alya, her best friend, you should probably get used to seeing me around every now and again.”

Clark takes a deep breath, shaking her hand with a tired smile.

“Nice to meet you, is she okay?”

Alya sighs, rolling back over the still unconscious Marinette to get back to her side of the bed.

“Yeah she’ll be okay, probably won’t wake up for a few more hours, she's a really heavy sleeper by the way, you don't have to be quiet. I have a video of what happened if you want to see it?”

She holds up her phone, syncing it to the hotel room Tv with some kind of app.

Clark nods and she hits play, everyone taking a seat to watch the video of Marinette’s akumatization.

________________

(Back in America with Lois, Conner, and the rest of the bat family. Alfred is on a video call on Jason’s phone)

Lois sighed, weighing out two different options for adult bunk beds with Cassandra and Stephanie who both insisted they went with her while all of the boys went to grab groceries that Marinette may like.

Lois had just decided on a queen over queen when she got a call from Conner.

“Hey Mom? Do you know what kind of cream cheese she likes?”

Lois groaned, they had this conversation several times already.

“No Honey, I don’t know what kind of cream cheese your sister will like. I don’t know anything about what she may like, that is why we are getting her a variety of things, remember?”

Lois smiles, hearing Tim and probably Jason quietly laughing at her oldest son from over the speaker.

“Shut up! Not you Mom, sorry. Do you think she will be offended if I grab her a baguette? I know she was raised in France so I’m not sure if it will be comforting or if she will hit me with it.”

“I guess we'll just have to wait and see, now hurry up and finish over there, I picked out a bed and need you boys to help carry it, I also want you all to help me pick out some simple furniture for both Jon and Marinette, you can get new stuff too Kon, you and your brother are both starting to outgrow yours.”

Lois hears shuffling on the other end and the rattling of a shopping cart before Conner seems to remember that she is on the phone.

“Oh, right. Bye Mom, see you soon!”

He hangs up before she even gets to reply.

“So, you excited?”

Lois smirks a Steph beside her, nudging her to get her to stop resting her elbow on her shoulder.

“Yes, I am. Still sorta surprised that Bruce wanted to help pay for the new furniture for the kids. Did Alfred tell him to?”

Cass crosses her arms shaking her head no as Steph takes over explaining.

“Nah, when Clark came running in, practically sobbing, over you guys’ long lost daughter and started freaking out about how you two weren’t prepared for another kid and needed to get stuff for her, B practically threw his credit card at him.”

Cass nods, moving to stand in front of Lois so she can clearly see her while she signed.

“When dad doesn’t know how to help. He remembers that money fixes almost everything.”

Steph snorts, nodding in agreement as Cass falls back into step beside her.

“Exactly, if you hadn’t accepted the help he probably would have begged until you did.”

Lois snorts, spotting the boys running up to them while Conner tries to fix his hair, he probably used his super speed to put everything away at the house already.

“I may have my pride, but I am not arrogant, Bruce is a literal millionaire going on billionaire. Him deciding to pay for the new furniture and the trip to pick Marinette up and bring her back won’t even make a dent in his bank account.”

Conner and the rest of the Wayne boys finally reach them, each boy bending over so Lois can give them kisses on the cheek/foreheads.

“Hey, do you want us to take the bed now or do you want to wait until we have everything else too?”

Lois pats Dick on the back as she passes him by.

“Let's wait until we are done okay? I can send one of you to rent a Uhaul and we can take everything in tha- oh, give me a moment, your father is calling. Hello?”

“Lois? Honey, I have some good news and some bad news. Are the rest of the kids with you? Or at least Conner so I don't have to tell him next?”

Lois takes a seat on one of the sofas they were walking past, preparing herself for whatever was coming, gesturing for the rest to do the same.

“Yes, everyone except Barbra is here, she had lunch with her dad today. DO you want me to put you on speaker?”

Clark confirms and Lois does, shushing the kids as they start to question what was going on.

“Do you want the good news or the bad news first?”

“Good news.”

She wasn’t ready to know if anything bad happened to one of her babies overseas.

“Marinette helped defeat a magical supervillain today and we should be home either tomorrow or the day after.”

Lois took a deep breath, several questions running through her mind but the most prominent was: “I’m fucking sorry? She did what?”

Tag list:

If you request to be added to the tag list please specify if you want to be tagged for this specific fic or just in general

@Toodaloo-kangaroo

@Ev-cupcake

@Vroomtaka

@rosesandsailboats

[crazycookiecrumbles]

Scream For Me (6)

A/N: After Scream For Me (5)

Honestly, not proud of this chapter. I kind of hate it tbh. I think it’s definitely just more of a general filler chapter.

NExt chapter’s probably going to take place after the big fight, most likely. Undecided.

Masterlist

Pairings/ Characters: Shang-Chi x Avenger!Reader (Shaun x Reader, takes place before events of Shang-Chi movie), Katy Chen, Xu Xialing, Wenwu, Ying Nan, Trevor Slattery, our baby Morris

Warnings: swears, dubious drug use?

Summary:  Dinner with your boyfriend’s family takes an interesting turn into what seems like make-believe

WC: 3,941

At dinner, you decided to try a different tactic with Wenwu. Rather than be a complete smart ass with him, you opted to follow Katy’s lead, just to stay quiet. You sat next to Xialing not uttering a single word as you ate. Besides, the pain from your back was setting in and that balm your boyfriend rubbed on your back wasn’t working all too well.  Suffering in silence seemed to be the ideal.

And then he went on to talk about the importance of names and how they connect people, then he went on to talk about The Mandarin and how America was terrified of nothing more than an orange. You zoned out at that point. You’d already made your insult against him earlier. You didn’t feel like repeating this altercation.

But then he started talking about their mother, and how she was the only man to call him Wenwu, and how everything changed because of his love for her. Then, you were in his study where he confessed that he knew where she was trapped behind a gate from her own people to punish her.

From what you knew, it kind of sounded like their mother was super duper dead, so to hear that she was behind a gate and asking to be saved was pretty…interesting, if that’s the word to say here. You could understand the desperation, though. If you truly thought Shangqi was trapped somewhere, you’d stop at nothing to save him.

Which is probably why now you were standing between Xialing and Katy in shock as water floated all around you.

“Am I….high?” You whispered to Xialing who stared at the water in shock and poked it gingerly.

“If you are, then I’m very high,” she whispered back.

You were mesmerized by how the water changed into so many different forms before showing the way to get to Ta Lo. You’d seen a lot of shit. Aliens literally falling from the sky, gods, an end to half of the world, a talking raccoon, sentient tree, and what you thought might have been an alien bug lady?? You’d seen so much shit, but this? Yup. This was definitely new.

What wasn’t new, however, was how quickly Wenwu went from talk about saving his wife, to saying that he’d burn the entire village to the ground if they didn’t obey him. Shocking? No, not really. Understandable? If there was actually a chance she was alive, sure, but based on what Shangqi had told you, there just, simply, was no way she could be alive.

Katy looked at you with her eyes bulging, wondering if this was as weird for you as it was for her. Looking at Katy, you shook your head slowly and spun your index finger near the side of your head to show that he was crazy. You two were so busy silently joking with each other to process this that you were only half paying attention to Shangqi’s shouting at his father’s troops.

Suddenly, Shangqi was on the ground in the middle of them. Xialing had run to protect her brother, and Wenwu flipped her just as quickly. Two guards started to approach you and Katy with their weapons charged and ready. Shoving Katy back and behind you, you took both of them out with relative ease, save for the jab to your back which electrocuted you before fighting through it and taking him down.

Wenwu stared at you exasperated, “You never learn.”

Standing in front of Katy, poised to fight the new guards that were coming towards you, you shrugged your shoulders, “I can do this all day.”

All Wenwu had to do was lift his hand. The second it was up, seven darts went flying from an unknown location and embedded themselves in various places on your body. You looked down at the darts with their red-feathered backs, looked up at Wenwu, and then completely fell over to your side, body slamming hard into the ground, head bouncing on the concrete as Katy was just a tad too slow to grab you. The guards then started to escort Katy and drag you away as Wenwu addressed his children.

~*~

You were out for awhile, thanks to those darts. Perhaps that was the something important that Wenwu had asked for earlier that caused Razor Fist to interrupt your fight. Regardless, you woke up in a car between Xialing and Shangqi and you were certain the car was going very, very fast right now.

“Oh, look, Sleeping Beauty is up,” Xialing teased. “Perfect! You can see us die. I was worried you might miss it.”

You blinked and rubbed your eyes as the car made a sharp right and you slammed into Shangqi before settling back down in the middle, “I’m sorry. what is happening right now?”

“I’m driving through a freaking homicidal forest!” Katy screamed.

“Left!” Another voice said, and the car took a sharp left which made you slam into Xialing next. The man in the front left turned and looked at you over his shoulder, “Oh, hello! Nice to see you awake! Was a big fan of your human rights presentation following the accords!”

You blinked twice, “Is this the fucking Mandarin?”

“Trevor Slattery,” Shangqi and Katy said instantly.

You hummed, “Oh. I’m dead, aren’t I?”

“Right again in three!” Trevor suddenly shouted.

You looked to Shangqi who gave you a nervous smile. You laughed nervously, almost mockingly in his face as you forced yourself to sit back between them and searched for a seatbelt to keep yourself from flying out the windshield.

“Guys?” You spoke up, “Why did no one put a seatbelt on me? More importantly, who doesn’t have a seatbelt for the middle seat?!”

Xialing and Shangqi looked at each other before nodding. Each one of them released a hand from the back of the headrest in front of them and held one of your arms. You shut your eyes and muttered that of all ways to die, you did not see it happening in the backseat of a car that Katy was driving. You raised your legs to brace against the seats in front of you as Katy drove.

“Hey, Katy?” You called out.

“What!?” She shouted.

“If we live through this, I will pay to take you on a Nascar-whatever trip.”

Katy gasped, “No bullshit!?”

“I’ve been earning a salary since I was 11,” you explained. “No bullshit.”

“Wow, I can’t wait to unpack that with you,” Katy mumbled. “I’m holding you to that! By the way? Can’t believe you slept through us shouting.”

“Katy, fucking drive!” Shangqi shouted.

“Don’t yell at me!” Katy yelled.

“We’re not gonna make it,” Xialing said.

“Oh my god,” you muttered. “Those trees are closing. Oh we’re going to be final destination-ed!”

You guys hit a slight jump as you went right for the trees. You quickly started to lurch forward, but Shangqi let go of your arm to place his in front of you and help push you back while Xialing pulled you. The second you landed through the trees and in the water, all of you were silent and simply staring ahead.

“Morris says, ‘Good job, everyone.’” Trevor said after a moment.

Now you finally looked to see that on this man’s lap wasn’t a very strange pillow, but, in fact, a creature. You grabbed Xialing and Shangqi’s arms. “What the fuck is that?”

Shangqi sighed and squeezed your hand before leaning back and letting his head slam against the headrest in relief, “Long story, babe.”

“…How long was I out for?”

“Too long,” Xialing looked at you, “Tired, (Y/N)? Did you enjoy nap time?”

Staring at Xialing, you slowly lifted your hand to give her the middle finger while she smirked at you. You put it down and leaned forward as Katy started driving ahead through a cave.

This was insanity. You went under a waterfall where, again, the water was doing the same insane floating thing it did at the compound before everything around you started to look different, almost if you were speeding through some watery hyperspace before leaving a portal of water and driving through yet another tunnel into a new land.

“Bloody hell,” Trevor said. “I think those birds are on fire.”

You then watched as he spoke to this creature, Morris. “Really? Morris says it’s normal. They’re old mates of his.”

You really were just at a point now where you wondered if you had been concussed and you were actually losing your mind. But then you saw adorable creatures everywhere, more creatures that looked like Morris, and a giant — what did Trevor call it? A weird-looking horse.

It was unreal.

This was far better than any alien invasion you had ever dealt with, that was for sure.

Thankfully, Katy drove slowly and completely calm and not like a maniac at all. You were soon approaching a village which had even more creatures that were huge with you recognized to be a Pixiu. This was unreal.

“Okay,” Shangqi said quietly. “We’re just going to meet these villagers, hope they don’t kill us, and explain the situation,” He said. “(Y/N) stay back. Come on, Ling Ling.”

Xialing and Shangqi left the car. Once they were out and shutting the doors, you scooted forward and tapped Katy on the shoulder, “Katy. Am I concussed, or is this all really happening?”

“You’re definitely, probably, concussed. But ,yes, this is all happening.”

“Thought so.”

“You dealt with aliens, this is weird?”

You pursed your lips, “Yeah I kind of always had an inkling about aliens ,though. This is just wild.” You exhaled as Trevor was mumbling sweet nothings to Morris. “We should get out and join them, huh?”

“Probably,” Katy nodded. “Let’s just stick together in case they do kill us. You can protect me again. I’ll catch you this time.”

“Okay. Sounds fair — wait. You let me fall?!”

Katy said nothing. She just started humming as she got out of the car. Scoffing, you got out of the car as well, shutting your eyes and stifling a groan as you felt a sharp pain in your back. You stood up, forced yourself to crack your back, said nothing through the pain, and joined Katy in accompanying Xialing and Shangqi.

You had no idea what was being said, you just heard your name, and then Katy’s name before Shangqi was being spoken to. When Shangqi responded and moved forward, they were all poised to fight and Shangqi started raising his hands ins surrender. You quickly tucked Katy behind you and were about to step forward to protect Shangqi until a woman came forward. To you, it looked like she was admonishing the man Shangqi had been talking to. But before you knew it, their weapons were lowered. They were at ease, and this woman was talking to Xialing before giving her a hug, which the young woman did not expect.

You looked to Katy who quickly shook her head, “Yeah, no, still don’t know what’s going on.”

“Great. Same,” you muttered back to her “This feels good. I’m glad we’re both lost.”

“Honestly, it’s super comforting,” Katy added. “All I caught was that her name is Ying Nan.”

As if perfectly timed, Ying Nan moved on from Shangqi and locked eyes with you. You quickly straightened up and raised your hand to wave, “Hi. Uh. I’m —“

“I know who you are,” she smiled warmly and pulled you in for a hug,” Your deeds have traveled these realms for quite some time, Siren. A pleasure to meet you. Welcome to Ta Lo.”

Oh. Okay. Well, that was unexpected.

“Thank you,” you mumbled in surprise. You were even more surprised with how gentle she was when hugging you, almost like she knew how much pain your back was in.

“She’s my girlfriend,” Shangqi added after a moment. “Just, you know, yeah. My girlfriend.”

Xialing rolled her eyes at how awkward and horrible her brother was with introductions. At least instead of saying you were a distraction, like his father had, Ying Nan smiled and said that was wonderful and moved on to greet Katy with just as much joy and warmth as she had done with you.

You exhaled slowly and looked up to your boyfriend. He shrugged his shoulders and extended a hand to you. Taking his hand, he pulled you in close to his side and leaned down to kiss your forehead, muttering that he was sorry for getting you mixed up in this.

You shook your head, “Could be worse, right?”

He groaned and mumbled you were a jinx before confessing to Ying Nan that their father was coming. You all followed her to the water. While Shangqi and Xialing explained the situation to her, you stared down at the water and relished how peaceful and bright it was. This was the best thing you had seen since this whole fiasco, and you din’t want to leave it.

However, you did. Ying Nan walked you through the history of their ancestors. She explained the Dark Gate to you, the Great Protector, the Dweller in Darkness, and the magic surrounding them. You then found yourselves in the armory where you learned dragon scale armor was real.

“Oh, my god. I feel like I’m in Dragon Age.” You whispered to yourself as you admired one of their blades. “This is amazing.”

“And she’s gone…” Shangqi smiled as he stared at you admiring their craftsman ship before talking to his aunt. 

Suddenly something fell over and you caught Katy running to help an older woman with her mishap. You snorted as Katy got saddled with carrying all of the arrows. She nodded and looked to you and Shangqi, “Looks like I’m gonna deliver some dragon arrows.”

“Oh, you’re going to deliver some dragon arrows?” He quipped, raising an eyebrow in her direction teasingly as though this was so normal and mundane.

“Yeah, make myself useful,” she replied before bumping into the entryway.

You sighed, “Aw, Katy…”

“Shut up, you shush, missy,” Katy said quickly before righting herself and leaving.

Smiling to yourself, you shook your head and looked over in surprise to Ying Nan standing in front of you.

“You should seek care for your pain,” she told you.

You blinked, “What?”

“Your back. You’re in pain, are you not?”

“How did you —“

She smiled knowingly, “Every step and breath you have been taking has been too much for you. Come, we will see you off, and then we will see your mother,” She looked to Shangqi and Katy with a nod.

You were all walking away from the armory and towards another building. The smell when you were closer to the building reminded you of the balm that Shangqi had put on your back — but it smelled far more potent. It felt like the smell rushed through your nostrils and through the rest of your body with how strong it was.

“They’ll help you here,” Ying Nan said to you after speaking to someone inside. “Relax, and make sure you clear your mind of all things occupying it.”

Shangqi hummed and glanced down at you, “Something on your mind I don’t know about?” He asked, a twinkle in his eye.

You rolled your eyes, “It can wait until we stop your dad.”

“Babe.”

You held your hand up, “It’s not life or death. It’s a personal issue, not a you and I issue or nearly being assassinated by one of your father’s top men, issue.”

Xialing raised an eyebrow, “You didn’t die from that? That never happens.”

You nodded to her, “Right? Go me.”

Shangqi blinked, “Oh, is this an issue that has to do with that not dying issue and how little you know about you issue?”

“Totally that issue.”

“That issue, got it.”

“Stop saying issue, please.” Xialing begged of you both.

You felt a hand tugging on you to drag you into the building. You looked to the three of them and waved goodbye as you were taken into this new place. Incense was burning, candles were lit, it was an incredibly calm environment, which was such a change compared to what you were used to. Especially with healing? You were used to lasers being pointed at you, drugs pumped in, and you were good to go. Now you were laying on your stomach, bare back to the world, anticipating what was to happen next. 

When Shangqi actually saw you, you were out. His eyebrows went up seeing how you were totally, completely, utterly gone laying down perfectly asleep. He chuckled and nodded to the woman who had helped you. She very quickly and bluntly expressed that you should not be in the fight that was approaching. His smile fell before he nodded and thanked her. 

Crouching down next to you, his fingers danced down your arm, prompting you to wake up.

“Hey, sleepyhead,” He smiled softly. “How are you feeling?”

You took a deep breath and shrugged, “One minute her hand went on my back and I think I saw Asgard. The next minute, I see you. How long has it been?”

“Awhile,” he nodded. “Who knew concrete and metal could do so much damage to a back, huh?”

You scoffed and slowly started to sit up on your forearms, “Oh, wow, that feels so much better. I’ll be in fighting shape in no time. Sorry — enough about me. How are you?”

He smiled at you. Ordinarily he’d backtrack and make sure you were truly fine, but if it meant avoiding telling you at this very moment about how you should’t fight, he’d take it.

“I’m okay,” He shrugged a shoulder. “Saw the shrine for my mom. Also, she had them make armor for my sister and I, so, there’s that. Ying Nan, she uh, she welcomed us home.”

You smiled and reached out to grab his hand, “That’s good, honey. You deserve to feel welcome and at home here.”

“Yeah,” He said quietly,” And my dad wants to take it away.”

You snorted, “No one’s going to let anything happen to this place. We’ll stop your dad. We won’t let him take away your family’s history, your life. It’s going to be okay.”

He squeezed your hand, “I love that about you.”

“What?”

“How much you care.”

You scoffed,” What’s important to you? That’s important to me too. Family’s important, Shangqi. They’re your people. We’ll protect your people and that gate.”

He sighed and stood up a little to kiss you. You smiled softly into the keys, grasping his chin gingerly between your fingers as your lips met his. After a moment, he pulled away and stood up to his full height.

“Come on,” he told you, still holding your hand. “Let’s get that shirt back on you. Ying Nan said there was food.”

“Might be the first time you’ve told me to put clothes on,” You joked as you sat up and reached for your shirt.

Shangqi pursed his lips. Holding your shirt out of reach from you, he tilted his head to the side to stare. You swatted at him, laughing brightly as you jumped up to get your shirt. You slipped it on after your bra and pulled on your jacket.

“How does it feel?” He asked you, hand on your back as you stood up and moved a little bit.

“Better, much better.” You nodded. “I can actually move without being in crippling pain.”

“Still in pain?”

“A little,” you admitted as he took your hand in his and you both walked out of there. “But way better than when I first got here.”

“Good! I’m happy to hear that —“

“Yeah. I’ll be kicking ass with you before you know it.”

He cleared his throat,” Yeah. So, about that.”

“What?”

“They don’t think you should fight. Not with that pain.”

You scoffed, “So, what? I sit at the sidelines and watch? I can’t — I can’t just do that! That would be insane.”

“Would it?” He asked. “This whole time that you’ve been with us, you were fighting at the club, you were hit by my dad twice with those rings, you were full of those were darts. You’ve been trying to protect everyone and you’re hurt. Sit this out, please.”

You frowned, “But you guys —“

“We’ll be okay,” He nodded. “You don’t have to protect everyone alone, you know. We’re all doing this together. But right now, I’d like to protect you by having you rest and sit that fight out.”

You sighed and looked up at him with a pout. Shangqi pouted right back at you which made you cringe, “Don’t do that. It makes me want to agree with you.”

“Please,” he begged of you. “Sit out the fight.”

“But, but, but I, I — with the, the Thanos and the —“

He squished your face in his hands. “Listen. No one here doubts that you’re capable, that you’re a bad ass, that you can handle it. But you’re not 100 percent, and that puts you at risks and others around you. I don’t want you to take that unnecessary risk. So, please, for me, stay safe.”

You inhaled and exhaled so forcefully he thought your lungs might leave through your nostrils. Sighing dramatically, you nodded. “Fine. But we don’t tell anyone that I sat out a fight. I don’t need them to think I’ve gotten soft since leaving.”

Shangqi smirked at you, “I make you soft?”

You pouted, “No… always going to karaoke and drinking is definitely making me soft.”

He snickered, “Well, you don’t make soft either.”

“No?”

“No. Actually, you always make me rock —“

“For the love of god,” Katy shrieked, throwing her hands in the air, “Don’t you finish that sentence.  I don’t want to hear it!”

Shangqi jumped. Katy’s sudden presence behind the two of you so she too could go to lunch startled him. You started laughing as Shangqi hid his face in embarrassment and asked how she could even hear him.

“How could I not? I’m right behind you guys! God. Nice to know your relationship is back to what it was. You freaking perverts,” Katy shuddered as she swatted Shangqi on the shoulder. “I can’t believe that’s what you say at a time like this.”

He sputtered, “But I, I was just. I was just saying —“

“Oh I know what you were saying. Gross,” Katy shook her head at him before glancing at you and shooting you a wink. You laughed and linked your arm with hers as the three of you continued your walk. 

“I love you, Katy. You’re the best.”

Katy flipped her hair over her shoulder, “I know.  Let’s um, let’s go eat. I’m starving. Being the hero and saving all of you is exhausting, you know.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Shangqi reached over and flicked the back of her head. “Since you’re so confident, lead the way then, Katy.”

“No, you lead the way. This is your people, ya know. Also I asked and had no idea what they told me, so…” Katy trailed off while he was laughing.

This was nice. You guys were able to finally take a breath since everything that had happened in Macau up until now. You just wanted to absorb these moments in case of anything happening when Wenwu came with his army, especially since Shangqi wanted you to sit this fight out and rest and heal yourself, yet again. you were determined to get better as fast as you could, just in case, and to remember these little moments that were happening between everyone. 

[cherrykindness]

let's make babies |

pairing: Harry Styles x Actress!Reader

summary: you and harry are doing a live on instagram, you've drunk a lot of wine and now the world knows that the future Mrs. Styles is ready to make babies.

warnings: mostly cute, but the title tells you what you need to know 🤪

"What is your favorite song from the Fine Line album?" Y/N read aloud, twirling in her right hand the second glass of wine of the evening, the one already halfway through. "Adore You and Watermelon Sugar, of course."

Harry giggled, rolling his eyes upon hearing his fiancée's statement.

"Y/N will always choose Adore You because it was obviously written for her." He accused. "She wouldn't give that answer under different circumstances."

The comments climbed up the screen continuously, most fans gushing about how cute Harry Styles and YN/LN could be while the other part was concerned with wringing even more information out of the slightly inebriated couple who had decided to do a surprise live one early Sunday morning.

As expected after being away for some time to begin filming Don't Worry, Darling in Southern California, Harry enjoyed a lazy weekend in the house he shared with his fiancée and her pets. The days were filled with late naps and relentless Netflix marathons, sublime and ethereal evenings, marked mostly by unexpected declarations and rounds of sex that used to last until the beams of light were shyly coming through the linen curtains. They were not a monotonous couple, so this order could easily be changed.

"Watermelon Sugar is nothing more than about my love for watermelons, don't get too creative." Harry replied to a fan while sporting a corner smile, the message standing out among the rest for its dozens of emojis and large print, questioning the singer about erotic content behind the lyrics of his latest hit. "I really don't know what you guys are talking about."

Y/N laughed, shaking her head before leaning it against her fiancé's chest, propped up on the soft white pillows that were spread practically all over the bed. The air conditioner was on at a minimal temperature and a light rain whipped on the panes of glass camouflaged by the cream-colored curtain, that being the projection of Y/N's favorite nights.

"You can tell them, I'm not shy." She joked, nudging her fiancé's waist.

"You know what it was written about and who it was written for." Harry replied, raising one of his eyebrows. "That's what matters."

It went without saying that much of Harry's newest album, as well as some of his earlier work, had been done in exclusive dedication to his future wife. Y/N had been the muse for a vast repertoire of romantic songs, and even though the singer preferred to keep the story behind his more explicit compositions a "secret", the relationship the two had shared for more than three years was already solid and known enough for the media and fans to distinguish hidden messages in small details.

"It's a song about what usually comes before the act of making babies." Y/N laughed as he pointed at the display. "Honestly, you guys are impossible."

"No, we make babies every day." Harry joked, making a funny motion with his eyebrows. "I would spend my entire career writing just about that."

"Harry!" The actress exclaimed incredulously, slapping her fiancé weakly on the chest. "Children might be watching this."

"You don't want to have babies with me?" He asked falsely offended, accepting the cup that Y/N offered him. "Because I want some babies with you."

Y/N laughed, rolling her eyes as she watched the internet freak out at the dialogue that had suddenly emerged. Since the beginning of the quarantine, it was kind of inevitable that the couple of artists would not become the darlings of all social media; they were fervently active with photos, videos, and lives that depicted step by step daily life in isolation, gaining more and more followers and making the media more and more fascinated by the relationship they both shared.

The wedding was scheduled for the summer of next year and it was perhaps the most anticipated event in the tabloids. Bets about what the model of Y/N's dress would be and lists presuming who would be selected for the short list of guests stood out among countless news stories about the famous people influencing pop culture today.

The possible arrival of a Styles baby was an inevitable topic in interviews. Harry and Niall were the only members of the ex-boyband that had not become fathers yet, and because they had maintained a solid relationship and were seen as one of the most enviable couples during the last four years, Y/N and Harry had gotten used to all this openly asked questions. They didn't mind, they even had fun with the montages and all the anxiety that dominated the whole internet, often mentioning the fandoms' efforts to represent them as such "cool" parents in perfectly edited pictures.

"No, guys, I'm not pregnant." Y/N amusingly clarified the doubt of dozens of new comments. "Please don't believe so many controversial news stories that appear out there. I was on twitter last week and saw several people theorizing about a possible pregnancy, most of the arguments based on a website that used photos from the set of How to Get Away with Murder in the season where I was actually playing a pregnant woman as Laurel." She laughed. "It's so funny! I know you guys love to guess these things, but we won't hide something so special when it actually happen, I promise."

"Especially because Y/N can hide absolutely nothing from anyone." Harry accused, leaving his drink on the corner table before settling into a comfortable position for the two of them. "Anyone who's a Marvel fan knows that. That's one of her most characteristic quirks."

"They gave me a fake script for the last two movies." Y/N agreed, shaking his head. "For me and Tom."

"We agreed to keep the engagement a secret for a while. The plan was to travel to Holmes Chapel to break the news to my family in person, but guess who got a call at ten o'clock at night from an angry Anne because she learned of her son's engagement from an interview Y/N gave the next day?"

Y/N gave a guilty smile, winking gracefully at the camera. "It was all James' fault! I'm sure he already suspected something, those questions were very suspicious."

"Of course the questions were suspicious, babe. You literally said you had a secret that involved both of us but that you couldn't tell because it was important that our families knew first."

"I thought he would think about a pregnancy or something!" The actress defended herself, feeling very convincing in her intonation bordering on obviousness. "That's a mania I can't get rid of, it's in my genes."

"Did you all hear that? Further proof that you guys don't have to worry about guessing when Y/N's pregnancy will be, I'm sure our baby will make sure to tell you everything while still in the womb, mom's genes will make sure of that."

"You are so funny, Harry Styles." Y/N sarcastically stated, holding back a giggle as countless messages with laughing emojis were frantically up. "Yeah, I know I talk a lot and all, but you have annoying quirks too."

It was obvious that live would be news the next day. Although they were completely open about matters concerning their relationship, nothing seemed better than receiving so much exclusive information from a Harry and S/N drunk on expensive wine.

"You wake up in a bad mood and you're dangerously sexy, that should be illegal."

Harry laughed, holding his fiancée's waist a little tighter as he felt her tumble a little further to the side, getting closer and closer to the edge of the bed. Y/N was dangerously weak for drinks, and the singer knew that the actress' body was already near its limit.

"You're the only sexy person here, love." He declared with a corner smile, evidently finding the whole situation funny. "Do you want to go to sleep now?"

"No." Y/N shook her head. "Can we watch some movie? Can we watch Sweet Home?"

"Of course, love." He murmured, giving the woman a quick kiss on the forehead.

Even though Harry knew that his fiancée was unlikely to make it past the five-minute mark of the episode, he made sure to restart the korean series at exactly the scene where she had stopped, the first chapter still halfway through after Y/N realized that it would be impossible to watch such a macabre work without a drop of alcohol in her blood.

She had been so excited by the taste of Argentinian wine and the idea of updating her fans after a few weeks away, that she had forgotten the main purpose of the live. Harry and Y/N had been apart for a few days due to the new movie the Brit was shooting in North America, all happening in an unrestrictedly careful manner due to the restrictions caused by the pandemic.

He was slowly migrating towards acting and the future Mrs. Styles couldn't be prouder. Y/N had felt on cloud nine when Harry had given her the news of his upcoming job, but her only pronouncement on the subject had been a succinct post on instagram. Just a photo of the couple on a trip to Germany with a simple heart emoji didn't seem enough for the actress' exhibitionist soul, and coming to that conclusion was the main reason she decided to invite him, already relatively changed, for a live appearance. Y/N wanted to go on and on about how much she loved that man and work on that whole honeyed speech that would bring her (once again) the title of "cutest bride of all time," but of course Harry had to come home from his trip with his favorite red wine and poison her with those sweet caresses that took her out of orbit, turning the degree of alcohol content into the least of her problems.

"You're going to kiss Florence." Y/N exclaimed suddenly, as if only now realizing that her fiancé would share the screen with Florence Pugh, one of her closest friends in that industry. "Kiss on the mouth."

The MacBook was still open and hundreds of new comments were going up every second, but Harry didn't bother one bit to warn her about the possibility of her becoming a meme the next day. He was having too much fun with the situation to worry.

"Are you jealous?"

"Yes." She stated with a pout. "I am jealous, I just don't know if I'm more jealous of her or of you."

"But you kiss me every day, babe." Harry laughed. "And you've been kissing other people's men for almost ten years." He joked.

"But I only think about you, I already told you that."

Harry shook his head negatively at the camera, knowing he was sharing with the fans the funniest side of his fiancée.

"I know that, honey." He assured, lightly stroking the actress' back. "I think we'd better turn off the TV and go to sleep now, I'm sure you'll have a terrible headache tomorrow."

The brit planned to bid his audience goodbye and put an end to that recording, but Y/N was drunk and her sense of right and wrong had already gone to space. Harry should have been quicker, however, because his fiancée's speech would be cause for new tags and the only subject for the interviewers for at least the next few months.

"I don't want to sleep, how about we make babies?"

That's what Watermelon Sugar was all about, after all.

[mysticalrambling]

Hi this is mine request, y/n and chris (evans) are married and the have 2 kids, Emma and Jason, and y/n takes Emma to get there nails and hair done they have a girls day , while the boys a a boys day at home, and when y/n and Emma comes home, the boys have cooked dinner for the girls and later that night the have a family movie night, in matching pyjama's

A/N: I loved the plot line and I was happy to write about it. This is what I came up with and I might have added a few more things to the plot line. I love dad Chris Evans and I would love to write more about him. Hope you guys like it and please tell me what you think about it.

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Family Time (C.E)

Chris Evans Fanfiction (Fanfiction Master list)

Warnings: None. Fluff all the way.

Summary: dad! Chris Evans x reader. Chris and the reader spends the whole day with their family. They enjoy the free day with their children and enjoy every moment of it.

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Having two kids was a bittersweet experience for the two of you as they were close in age so they fought a lot. It could be over the simplest of things such as who will eat in which bowl or who will cuddle with daddy at night. Emma and Jason loved each other to death but Jason being the elder was sometimes a little too stubborn. The one thing that always came as a shock to Chris’s family was that your son was a total daddy’s boy and vice versa for your daughter. Your family was always a little different from the others and you loved it.

“Mommy, Jacey pulled on my hair and threw my dollies to the ground.” Fat tears poured down her baby blue eyes as she jumped on your shared bed, effectively waking you both up. Chris just groaned and buried his head in the soft pillows and hands placed on his ears. You didn’t blame him, you both were up pretty late last night because Jason had a severe stomach ache. But he was okay now, considering he was busy annoying his younger sister.

“I will scold him but can you lie down with daddy now so I could freshen up and make you guys breakfast.”

“But I want to stay with you-,” she began to protest and you quickly silenced her by promising a girls only day.

“Besides, you don’t want to cuddle with daddy?” Chris growled playfully and started tickling your three and a half year old daughter. Taking this as your cue to leave, you went to the washroom. Meanwhile, Jason also joined the two of them in bed and lazed around for the whole morning, You prepared pancakes and scrambled eggs that was your family’s favorite breakfast and put out some dog food for Dodger.

“I want dad to feed me today.” Your five year old son declared when Emma sat on Chris’s lap to be pampered by him.

You sensed a fight heading towards the dining room and you quickly tried to diffuse the situation. “You are going to spend the whole day with your father today so let him feed Emma, please.” He huffed out a fine and you cut his pancakes in to little pieces.

“I am thinking of taking James to do some grocery shopping and then spend the whole day at home.” Chris was free today because his shooting does not start until Monday and he wanted to spend as much time possible with his family before he gets busy. He always hated being apart from you guys and would feel bad if he missed out an important step in his children’s life because of his career. You guys were truly blessed to have him in your life.

“Yeah, that’s fine. I will get them both ready for the day and then we can all get on with our day.” Pecking him on the lips, you took the kids to your room and Chris went to clean the dishes.

“Mommy, I don’t want to sit in the booster seat. I want to sit with you.”

“No, baby, it is not safe.” She was hell bent on her request today and you just ran out of patience. Snapping at her, you were instantly filled with guilt because tears pooled in her eyes.

“Darling, I am sorry. Babe, can you drop Emma and I at the parlor before going to the supermarket?”

“Sure. Just let me get my keys.” Sitting in the middle of two booster seats was highly uncomfortable but you would do it for your children. The whole car ride was filled with both the kids babbling about their school and day care respectively. Your husband silently made eye contact with you from the rearview mirror and you knew he was thanking you. “When should I pick you both up?”

“I’ll text you half an hour earlier.” Getting Emma out of her seat, you walked towards your favorite salon. You already knew that Emma wanted a mixture of blue and pink nail polish because colors are gender neutral. Chris always made sure that your kids never follow the obscene rules set by the society.

“We are going to have so much fun, mommy.” The little girl skipped towards the reception and stood on her tip toes to see you make the reservation.

“Baby, do you want to get a haircut as well?”

“Are you getting one?”

“Yes.”

“Then I want one as well.” The receptionist smiled at your daughter’s excitement and complimented her saying that she looked just like Chris. Emma puffed out her cheeks and mumbled, “I look like my mommy.”

“Sorry. You are a carbon copy of your mother. Now, I have you two stationed right next to each other and you have manicure first.”

On the other side, Chris sat his little boy in the trolley and marveled at how big he was slowly getting. He had decided to properly pamper his family today and an Italian dinner was just a start. One of the things that you always craved in both your pregnancies was his pasta pomodoro and he sometimes had to make it at three in the morning to satisfy your cravings.

“Daddy, can I get some cookies?”

“Yes, but only one because we don’t want you to have stomach ache.” Chris quickly finished the grocery shopping and then went in to Cartier. Pampering his girls was his top most priority today so he had already ordered a bracelet for you with all of the family’s birth stones engraved in it, He also ordered the same exact bracelet for his baby girl just in a smaller size. Emma always wanted the same exact things as her mother and Chris always tried to fulfill her wish.

“Can we get them some pretty flowers, as well?” Quickly, he wiped all the cookie crumbles from Jason’s face and agreed with him. They decided on getting them some pink roses because you both loved them.

The moment they arrived at the house, they quickly got to cooking but Chris made sure that he went no way near the stove. He was given the task to open up the spaghetti packet and picking out the red carrots.

Meanwhile, you both got your nails done with you opting for a bright yellow colour. Chris’s favorite colour. You got your hair cut in square layers while Emma just got a nice trim for her dirty blonde hair. Both the kids had inherited Chris’s hair and eyes but the nose and the smile was all you. During the whole time, you and your daughter talked about anything and everything. She talked about the cute boy in her daycare and how she wanted to be his friend but she got a whole circus running around in her tummy.You just chuckled and thought to not tell Chris because he will freak out and bully that poor boy.

After about two hours, Chris and James came to pick you both up and the whole way back, both the kids kept bickering with each other. The moment you opened the front door to your house, your favorite aroma hit you and a blissful sigh escaped your lips. “Have I told you this new look suits you a lot?” Your husband took you in a backside hug while both your munchkins ran towards the dining room.

“Just like a thousand times from the moment you picked us up. Is this dinner a hint?”

“Well, it’s true and maybe it is.” You kissed him slowly on the lips because the prospect of another kid was exciting to say the least.

“Daddy, I want the pasta!” Emma screamed from across the hallway and you both made your way towards them. The dining was all set and the kids were already sitting at their assigned places with their plastic forks in hand. Chris quickly served the food and you all got to eating. Dodger was sitting by your chair and happily munching on his food. Making silent eye contact with your husband, you guys silently agreed on having another kid. You were thrilled.

They all went to their rooms and came out in their matching Captain America pjs that Chris bought from Los Angeles the last time he was there for shooting. He always loved the idea of twinning with his famiily.

“We have a little surprise for you, don’t we, Jason?” The boy ran towards the living room and you all followed suit. Chris gave you a bouquet with a red long box and Jason did the same but with a smaller size to his baby sister.

The moment you saw the content in the jewelry box, tears welled up in your eyes. This was such a thoughtful gift and there was an empty place in the bracelet for a new gemstone. “You thought of everything, didn’t you?”

“I am giving you a lot of hints, here.”

“You don’t have to convince me, baby. I was thinking about this as well.”

“Then, it’s done. Baby number three of our family.”

“Thank you, daddy,” Emma jumped on Chris from the back and he immediately caught her in his arms.

“No problem, baby. Which movie do you guys want to watch?” He asked but he already knew the answer.

“Lion King!” There were a lot of things that your kids didn’t agree with but this was an exception. They were both die hard fans of Lion King.

“Aw, I thought we will watch Captain America today. But that’s okay, I guess.” He pretended to be hurt by their answer but the kids took it seriously.

“No, daddy. We love Captain America and we can watch it today.” Little hands cupped his light stubbled cheeks and Chris just smiled at his two babies. He was so lucky to have them and he could not wait for a third one.

“It’s okay, bubs. I was just kidding, We can watch it tomorrow. Today is Lion King’s day.” They all got together under the blanket and kept all the snacks on their laps. This was what Chris wanted the whole day; his whole family under his arms, happy.

“I love you.” He whispered to you while you cleaned off Emma’s sticky fingers and the drool on Jason’s chin.

“I love you, too.” You spent the whole night on that couch and somewhere in between the movie, Dodger came up and cuddled to your side. Your life was blissful and it was all because of Chris, the love of your life.

Hope you guys liked it!!

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A/N: This is just some family dribble that I wrote related to Chris Evans. I just love the idea of dad Chris. Send me some ideas related to Chris as a family man and I will be happy to write about it. Tell me if you wanted to be in the taglist.

Tag list: @maximeevansblog, @justile 

Like, comment and reblog.

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[theasstour]

𝐁𝐞𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬.

𝐖𝐎𝐑𝐃 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓: 𝟏𝟐.𝟏𝐤 𝐍𝐁: 𝐚𝐥𝐜𝐨𝐡𝐨𝐥, 𝐚𝐧𝐱𝐢𝐞𝐭𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐞𝐫, 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐢𝐜𝐢𝐭 𝐥𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐚𝐠𝐞

A/N: IT’S FINALLY HERE! ARCHITECT!HARRY! 🏛️❣️✨ It’s been ages since I posted writing on here and it feels good to be back! Believe me when I say that though nothing much happens in this chapter, something will go down in absolutely every chapter, so you’ll hopefully be entertained at one point AOIJFOIREJ! I absolutely adore architect!harry (yearly as much as I adore you lot), I hope you lot will too! Now, let’s start this journey, shall we? 🥰🌟

Friday, 15 September 2017

Monday September 8th 2014. Y/N had spent an abnormal amount of time thinking about that day over the last three years. Sometimes, even if she were in the middle of something else or thinking about a topic completely unrelated, it would just come back to her. Like a flash, as if someone turned on the dim light inside a dark room, she would be taken back to a time, a moment, that would be burned into her brain forever. It would paralyse her for a few seconds, making her unable to do or think or be anything besides that memory. It was almost like, at this point, she thought the ghost of her sister would never quite leave her.

The countless times she had recounted this specific memory, Y/N could never remember exactly what it was that had woken her that late Monday night, or morning rather, in September 2014. One second she was asleep, and then the next, she was awake. She remembered herself looking at the blinds of the window, how they weren’t fully closed that night for some reason, so the orange light from the streetlamp outside shone through the small slits, her room completely silent. This must have been what woke her up from her trance. The blinds were always closed, and the window was always open, letting in fresh air and the noises of Nottingham into her room. It was like her conscious had done it for her, alerted her that something was off and she needed to check her surroundings.

Y/N blinked, realising that the only sound in the room was her eyelids meeting and parting, and the rustling of her bedsheets as she made to sit up in bed. That was when she noticed a flicker of movement in the shadow beside her door. Something unexpected, something unlike what normally was.

“Hello?” Y/N asked, voice hoarse as she sat up completely in bed.

The room was quiet save for the sound of a trainer against Y/N’s carpeted floor. It was faint, and had Y/N’s window been open, she probably would not have heard it. She didn’t remember how she felt in that moment, it was like all emotion was stripped from that memory in order for her to objectively pick it apart over and over and over again. She could therefore not remember how she had felt when she recognised her sister, but she knew she must have been shocked.

“Marcela?” Y/N asked when she recognised the short brown hair of her sister in the shadow on the wall.

A small sigh and Y/N’s older sister stepped forward, letting the dim light of the outside streetlamp wash over her. Y/N had always envied her older sister for right about anything. The colour of her brown eyes, the way her hair looked almost bronze-coloured if the sun hit it just right on late summer afternoons, her wide and pretty smile, charming personality, and slim body were some of the many things that Y/N was jealous of. It just seemed like her sister lived a better, more eventful and meaningful life than Y/N ever would.

Even standing there, wearing a white and lilac floral summer dress, dungaree jacket and white Vans, in the middle of the night or early morning, Y/N thought Marcela had everything together. But whatever happened next to Y/N’s sister, Marcela could never have had it fully together, Y/N realised that now. Nothing that gruesome, that unknowable, could happen to someone who had it all figured out.

“Mari, what’re you doing here?” Y/N asked, reaching for her glasses on the nightstand and pushing them onto her face. “Aren’t you supposed to be in Newport?”

“Yeah,” Marcela answered, smiling at Y/N as if her being in her little sister’s room that late at night, when the world was asleep, was completely normal.

“What’re you doing here?” Y/N asked again.

“I forgot some things. Kit and I are on the way back. He’s waiting in the car.”

In that moment, Y/N did not think to ask Marcela of what exactly her sister had forgotten in Y/N’s room, which was again something she had beaten herself up for since.

“Y/N,” Marcela said, cocking her head to the side and smiling ever so slightly. “You should be asleep.”

Y/N forgot how to speak, just looking at her older sister as her still slow and sleepy brain tried to comprehend what was going on.

“It’s late, you’ve got school tomorrow.” Marcela walked backward towards the door, still directing that same reassuring smile at Y/N on the way there. “You know how grumpy you’re gonna be tomorrow morning if you don’t get your eight hours.”

“When will you be back?”

Marcela smiled. “Next weekend. I told you this.”

Y/N nodded again, feeling like this was all some sort of hallucination. Maybe it was just a dream.

Marcela held up her right hand and showed off the tattoo just below her thumb. One letter, for Y/N. Y/N’s hand immediately fell to the M just below her own right thumb. A M for Marcela. They had gotten it four months earlier for Y/N’s 16th. Y/N still remembered how scared she was, she did not want to be in pain. Marcela had informed her that it would hurt, but it would all be worth it in the end. Her sister had gotten a few tattoos, most of them up and down her arms, but Y/N knew she wanted even more of them. Y/N supposed her love for tattoos had started because of her sister. After her sister died, Y/N had just gone on to get more and more tattoos. She supposed it had been a coping mechanism in the beginning, to somehow feel close to Marcela, yet forget about her and everything for a little while as the smell of fresh ink, the sound of the needle, and the feel of a tingling pain took over all she knew.

“I’ll be back next weekend. Promise. Just let me have this week with Kit, yeah?”

Y/N swore she could hear a slight tremor to her sister’s voice. However, Marcela was not shaking as she took a hold of the door handle, and she did not look the slightest bit scared or like she was crying for help. No, she just looked like the Marcela Y/N had always known. And that was the problem. Nothing had been out of the ordinary. Something had to have been out of the ordinary.

“Y/N?”

She blinked, realising that she had been fixated on the M tattoo by her thumb again. She would sometimes drift off like this, thrown back to that moment in time that haunted her still, three years later.

“Amorzinho?”

Y/N looked up at her father who glanced over his shoulder at her, a slight furrow to his brows as if he knew exactly where she had just been. Davi and Y/N had always understood each other like that, especially after everything with Marcela happened three years ago. They would sometimes just find the other one staring out into thin air, or at something significant to Marcela, and the other would know right away where the other one had gone. Y/N did not know what memory her papai went back to, she never asked and, quite frankly, did not want to know. That whole experience was hard enough as it was, she had enough with her own memories and regrets.

“Y/N, you alright?” Davi asked, reaching for his daughter’s knee and squeezing it lightly. His positioning was a bit awkward from where he sat in the passenger seat and she sat right behind him in the car, but she felt reassured by his tender action nevertheless.

“Alright, pai,” Y/N answered, laying her hand on top of his.

Her father had always been the affectionate type. He would always go around touching the people that meant the most to him, whether it was a light caress to their cheek, a squeeze to their shoulder, a long hug, or a kiss to their cheek. Having grown up with a single mother and an older sister, he had learned from the best, and had not changed, even for his wife who had never been huge on showing affection. Y/N guessed that, in the case of her parents, opposites really did attract.

Where her father was loud, welcoming, and vulnerable, her mother was a bit more reserved, quiet, and tough. However, when Lottie had, at the ripe age of 24, travelled around South America with her mates after finishing her business degree, she had met Davi in Santos in Southern Brazil, the state of São Paulo, and they had fallen in love right away. It took a year for Lottie to leave Santos after that, bringing her then fiancé with her home to meet her family in Nottingham. Since then, the two of them had been together, and had brought Marcela and Y/N into this world.

It would be weird to not spend every single day with her parents. Everything was about to change drastically. The last time abrupt and extreme change had happened was that morning when Y/N’s parents realised Marcela hadn’t made it home from their cabin in Newport, Wales in time. It had been the day she disappeared. When they had gotten the news that she was murdered.

Y/N hoped her papai couldn’t tell that she was shaking.

“It’s not far now,” Lottie said from the driver’s seat. “Just a few minutes.”

Y/N nodded, looking out at the busy streets of North London as they drove on.

“You know what?” Davi said.

“What?”

“I think this is gonna be amazing.”

Y/N smiled at that, squeezing her father’s hand. “Yeah… I think it might be, too.”

“You will meet so many new people and learn so much. It will be the best time of your life.”

“I’ve told you, love. University was the absolute best time of my life.”

Davi looked at his wife.

Lottie clicked her tongue. “Oh, you know what I mean!”

“I do not. You say the best thing to ever happen to you is me, and yet-“

“-Darling, uni was the best time of my life, but meeting you was the best thing to happen to me.”

Davi threw his hands up in the air in exaggerated frustration, muttering something in Portuguese that Y/N did not catch. However, she couldn’t help her slight chuckle, and the grin on her face only widened when she saw her mother smiling, and then her father taking her hand, planting a lingering kiss to her skin before putting it back on the steering wheel. It was nice to witness casual affection between them like this. It was normal for Y/N to see it at this point, they had been like this her entire time growing up, but it was nice to be reminded that her parents loved each other.

“We’ll be on Orsman Road in five minutes tops,” Lottie said, looking back at Y/N as she stopped at a red light. “Nathan’s gonna meet you outside with your flat keys and such, yeah?”

“Yeah, he said he’d pick them up for me at the letting firm before I arrived.”

“Good,” Davi said.

“It’s nice that you get to move into an actual flat your first year of uni so that you get to be with someone you already know,” Lottie said. “As long as the uni’s got your address and knows you’ve got someplace to live, not living in uni accommodation is alright, if I understand correctly.”

“That’s what they said, anyway,” Y/N said.

“You just need a home. You’ll be home with Nathan.”

Y/N nodded, looking out at Hackney as they drove on. “Yeah.”

“He’ll take you to campus after, yes? So you can register and everything?”

Though Y/N had gone over this plan with her parents countless of times these last three hours, as well as the days leading up to departure, it seemed that her mum needed to be reminded one too many times. Taking a deep breath, Y/N said, “Yes.”

“Good. It’s important that you make it there by your time slot at 5. Reckon there’s heaps of students that are going to register at Helmond today.”

“Probs.”

“It’s important to be on time.”

“We will be.”

“Yeah, remember-“

“-Charlotte,” Davi said, putting his hand on his wife’s thigh. “Y/N’s got it under control.”

Lottie chanced a look at Davi as she turned off the main road and onto a smaller one. Y/N recognised this street from the FaceTime calls with Nathan where he had shown her around the street and flat. Though Y/N had been looking forward to this day for what felt like centuries, parts of her were still nervous, and Nathan’s video guides around her new flat and new neighbourhood had calmed her nerves considerably. She felt like she had already been here, but she could not wait to explore the areas of Hoxton and Hackney that she had yet to see.

As they drove down Orsman Road, Y/N could make out a figure in the distance that she felt like she had not seen in ages. A grin was instantly planted on her face and she fidgeted in her seat, wanting to jump out of the car and in Nathan’s direction. Her tall, lanky, slim, red-haired best friend stood by the entrance to what Y/N assumed would be 36 Orsman Road, squinting in the direction of Y/N’s car. At the sight of it, he started jumping up and down, waving enthusiastically as if he was stranded on a deserted island and a plane was flying by over him. Davi laughed, recognising his daughter’s best friend from the countless sleepovers, dinner parties, and drives home drunk from house parties on the other side of town.

Nathan banged on the window as Lottie parked the car by the side of the road, walking as the car was reversed into place, grinning at Y/N the entire time.

“Oh, my life,” Nathan said through the window, hands pressed against it. Y/N pressed her own against his. “I swear, you’ve taken ages. Thought you were gonna stand me up there.”

“Mate,” Y/N said, opening the car and throwing herself into Nathan’s arms. “Couldn’t miss going to uni with you, could I?”

Nathan squealed and hugged Y/N back, though he had to bend at an unnatural angle in order to do so.

“Nate, how are you?” Lottie asked as her and Davi started unloading the boot of the car, putting bags and boxes on the pavement to be carried upstairs.

“Can’t complain, Lottie, I really can’t. Just moved into a flat with me mates, we might go out tonight, and I have the pleasure of seeing your beautiful face today.”

Lottie laughed, squeezing Nathan’s arm before putting one of Y/N’s bags on her shoulder.

“Right, it’s the first and second floor,” Nathan explained, and upon seeing Davi’s confused expression, added, “It’s split-level.”

“Ahh!”

“Right.” Nathan bent down, taking one of the cardboard boxes. “I’ll show the way.”

“Stay behind, will you, darling?” Lottie asked Davi. “Just so we don’t leave anything on the pavement for anyone to nick.”

“Yes, you go ahead,” Davi answered, waving them off.

Nathan opened the front door and let Y/N and Lottie enter first. From the video calls, Y/N knew that once she arrived at the first story landing, the door to the left would be her and Nathan’s flat. Her new home. She was unsure if it would really dawn on her that she was going to be living on her own, without her parents, for the next three years, two of which were spent with Nathan in this flat. Living without her parents seemed liberating, but also terrifying. How was she going to survive without her papai’s cooking? Without the sound of her mother’s sewing machine? Without hearing their laughter as they watched something on the telly in the living room right below her room? How would she just go on living normally without them being close, like they had been all her life?

Nathan used his elbow to open the door and walked on in first this time to hold the door open for Y/N and her mum. Now, with her own two eyes, Y/N took in the place she would be living in over the next year, maybe two. The foyer they entered wasn’t long, but it had no particular furniture in it except for a painting on the wall opposite the stairs. Y/N suspected the landlord had printed out the popular painting and put it in a frame.

To her left was a slim white door – which matched the rest of the walls of the flat – that she knew to be the very spacious wardrobe. She would put her cardboard boxes and bags there once she was done unpacking, at least that was what Nathan had told her over FaceTime because he had done just that himself. To the right was another white door, this one with a window over it, and yet again, she knew this was where the kitchen would be. The door was open as she walked by, so she sneaked a look at it. The European Oak parquet stood in nice, warm contrast to the white cupboards and black countertops that went along the right wall and the wall right opposite to the door. Above the counter to the right, along the white tiled wall, was a long and small window. The view was nothing to brag about, just a greyish brick building and the pub on the other side of the road, The Stag’s Head.

Further along, the door into the living room stood open. As Lottie studied the kitchen, Y/N stood in the doorway to the shared space to just take a good look with her own two eyes. This, along with the bedrooms upstairs, was the only place in the flat with carpeted floor. The grey carpeted floor looked worn, as if it had been stepped on and used for countless of years prior, there were stains some places from what Y/N could only assume to be red wine and coffee. The left wall had four sets of windows; two smaller ones on the side and two bigger ones in the middle, where the smaller ones were the only ones it seemed that the tenants could open. The windows overlooked Regent’s Canal and the dark brown brick buildings on the other side. Not the prettiest view, but then, they were students and there weren’t many places in Haggerston, London that offered something pretty to look at.

Right underneath the windows, there was a radiator, and right beside that, positioned with its back against the wall opposite to the door where Y/N stood, was a blue sofa. In front of it, positioned against the wall facing it, was a table where a small telly was propped. A PlayStation was already plugged in and Y/N hoped it would be possible for her to somehow play Mario Kart on it as any other games did not interest her. Beside the sofa and the wooden coffee table in front of it, stood a red Poäng Ikea armchair with a footrest to match. That one also looked as worn as the rest of the living room. Y/N was sure that if she sat down, the chair would simply give out and turn to dust under her.

“Up we go,” Nathan said, walking straight past Y/N and up the stairs that leaned against the wall opposite to the living room and kitchen.

Before following her best friend, Y/N looked out through the windowed door, leading out to a mini terrace. You could barely fit two people out there, but she reckoned it would be a lush way to start her mornings. A fresh cuppa and the dreary sight of Haggerston.

“Y/N, you coming?!” Nathan called, making Y/N jump.

She looked back at her mum who just flashed a tight-lipped smile her way. Taking that as a good enough sign, Y/N followed Nathan upstairs. The hallway she was then presented with looked exactly like the one downstairs. However, right in front of her were two doors; the one to the left leading to the small toilet room, and the one beside it to the sink and shower. There was a door to her right as she came upstairs, two to her left, and another one right above where the terrace would be downstairs. That was the room Nathan was in now, putting down Y/N’s cardboard box.

“I’ll run downstairs and let Davi up so he can have a look,” Nathan smiled, walking past Y/N and Lottie to run down to the ground floor again.

The only things the room had to offer were a queen-sized bed, which at 204cm, took up all the space from wall to wall, but luckily enough, there was a drawer behind the door where Y/N could at least put all her clothes. This was the smallest room she had ever lived in.

“This is… rather spacious,” Lottie said, walking over to the windows above the bed and opening them both to let some fresh air in.

“Can’t really expect much if I’m gonna live in London, though. And I’m a student.”

“Precisely.” Lottie took her hands on her hips, looking out at the view from Y/N’s window. It was the same one as from the terrace just under them. The weather that day had been just as nice as Y/N had suspected of the South; a little-too-hot early autumn afternoon, partly cloudy, with busy pavements and crowded parks. She knew that the weather would soon match what she was used to from the Midlands. Even though she would now live farther south, she knew lousy weather was just as likely in London as it was in Nottingham. Y/N was suddenly very happy her mother had opened the windows to let in some of the canal wind.

A small sniffle sounded, and Y/N immediately looked to Lottie who still had her face turned away from her daughter.

“Mum?”

“Look at that!” Davi exclaimed, entering the room with a massive grin on his face.

The different reactions her parents had to the flat just reminded Y/N of how different they were.

“I know, pai,” Y/N said, looking around her room. “A wee bit small, but I’ve never needed much, have I?”

“With all those clothes you’ve brought?!” Lottie asked, looking down at the bag where Y/N’s clothes were, still not meeting anyone’s gaze. “You have too much clothes for your own good. When do you even use most of it?”

“Well, I don’t usually bring out the crop tops and see-through shirts for family gatherings, mum. Might be it.”

“Thank God.”

Y/N watched her mum for a few seconds, knowing something was wrong the moment she started fussing over the bare bed in front of her.

“You need a nightstand,” Davi pointed out, walking over to stand by the bed, indicating with his hand where the nightstand would go. “And a desk.”

“Nathan and I talked about popping by an Ikea. Nearest one’s in Greenwich, I think. Or Wembley.”

“Good! Nathan hasn’t brought his car down, has he?” Davi asked.

“No, he left it-“

“-Speaking of Nathan, I’ll go downstairs and let him carry the last box upstairs.” Before either Davi or Y/N could say anything else, Lottie was out the door and down the stairs, walking down to the car again.

Y/N looked at her papai, seeing a slight furrow to his brows as he regarded his wife retreating downstairs.

“What’s wrong?” Y/N asked in a low voice, listening to the sound of her mother’s footsteps down the stairs.

Davi met Y/N’s eyes, shrugging one shoulder. “Think she’s a little sad.”

Y/N bit the side of her mouth, sighing slowly.

“It’s a weird day. You’re moving away to University, and last time… last time we drove one of our daughters away like this, she didn’t come home.”

For some reason, Y/N had seen something like this happening. Though her mother had a weird way of showing it, she was constantly terrified after what happened to Marcela, and she was especially protective of Y/N. It had been hard for Lottie to let Y/N have any sort of social life that first year after Marcela. She would want to know everything about where Y/N was heading, who would be there, what they were going to do, and when Lottie could come and pick her up. Though this had been alright in the beginning - Y/N had known even then that it must be her mother’s way of coping with everything – it got a bit much as months, and then years went on. Y/N loved her mother, she really did, but she acted as if Y/N could not protect or take care of herself, something she was more than capable of.

“Pai, I won’t die at uni.”

“I know,” Davi said, wrapping an arm around Y/N’s shoulders. “But your mother still has a hard time taking it all in. You won’t be home, and she won’t have you near anymore. It’ll be a lot.”

Y/N nodded, resting her head back against her papai’s arm.

“Cosy moment,” Nathan smiled as he entered the room with the last box, placing it down on the floor beside the other ones.

“Is mum downstairs?” Y/N asked.

“Yeah, she’s by the car. Think she’s waiting for you two.”

Y/N and Davi nodded, Davi then taking a last look around his daughter’s room, smiling as he already knew she would make the bleak setting one many would envy. Y/N, after all, had always had a sense for these kinds of things.

“I’ll wait in my room, which is the one by the toilet,” Nathan informed, pointing to the open door behind him. “Just come knock when you’re ready to head for the uni, yeah?”

“Yeah, I’ll only be a minute.”

“No worries, babes, take all the time you need.”

Y/N smiled, walking past Nathan while Davi gave him a hug, wishing him good luck to come in the approaching first semester of University. It would be Nathan’s second year, so he knew what he was going into compared to her, but she knew Nathan appreciated Davi’s encouraging words regardless.

Y/N walked down towards the ground floor, her papai right behind her as they exited the flat building. Lottie stood by the car, arms crossed and eyes on something further up the street. It was as if she was looking for something, making sure it was safe for her Y/N to live there without her mother’s supervision.

“Mum,” Y/N said, now recognising the worry on her mother’s face. “Mum, it’ll be alright.”

She walked straight for her mother, wrapping her arms around her in a tight embrace. Though it would normally have been the other way around, the parents reassuring their kid they would be fine on their own, Y/N now patted her mother on the back and felt her bury her face into her daughter’s shoulder. Davi walked over as well, placing a hand on Lottie’s arm, squeezing her lightly. Some time went by without any one of them saying anything, just feeling and processing the words left unsaid.

Soon, Davi let out a small sigh, hugging the back of Y/N’s frame and mumbling her name against the top of his daughter’s head.

“We’re going to miss you,” he said, leaving a kiss against her hair.

Too caught up in her mother’s sadness, Y/N did not realise until just then that this was the moment she had been dreading. This one, where she stood by her parents’ car, saying goodbye to them and watching them start on their drive back home to Nottingham without her.

It was a complex state of being. Going away to University, starting a new life for herself, was something Y/N had dreamed of for as long as she could remember. She wanted to experience new things and to study something she was passionate about. But part of her was still pulling her back towards Nottingham, home. It would feel wrong, maybe even like being abandoned, thrust into adult reality, when she watched her parents drive off.

The thought of her living in the biggest city in the country by herself, did not sit right with her in that second. She was suddenly six again, her papai teaching her how to ride a bike. She was eleven, getting her period for the first time and her mother showing her how to use a pad. She was sixteen, having forgotten she had an important maths exam the next day, resulting in her and Davi sitting up for hours until she knew what she was doing. She lived at home, where her parents could protect her, help her, guide her, and provide for her at any given second. They would always be there whenever she needed them, always close and ready to pour every ounce of love onto her.

But now, even though she knew her parents would still love her the same and always be at her service whenever she needed them, now they would live separate lives. She would still be part of their lives and they would be part of hers, but they would not intermingle, get stuck, and weave themselves together like they had done since Y/N’s day of birth and until now. Y/N had not lived a single day in her life where she had not physically been close to her parents in one form or another. She had known it would be hard to watch them leave, she knew she would hate herself for this once she sat in her room all alone that same night or when researching information for an essay in a month’s time. Even though part of her was looking forward to what was to come, another part did not want to be left. She wanted a new life, but she was terrified of letting the old one, the safe one, go.

“Oh, my baby,” Lottie said as she pulled away, taking Y/N’s face in her hands. “My wee Y/N.”

Y/N went back in for another hug just so her mother wouldn’t see how glassy her eyes were. She felt them stinging and knew she would shed a tear soon.

“You will have no problems at uni,” Davi said, squeezing his daughter.

“How do you know that?” Y/N mumbled into her mother’s shoulder, closing her eyes as to make sure no tears escaped. She felt pathetic, but the overwhelming realisation that her parents would leave her in a few minutes had hit her like a brick.

“Because we know you. We know you’ll make friends; we know you’ll excel.” Davi took a step away, placing both hands on her shoulders. “Deep down, you know that, too.”

“As much as I hate the fact that I won’t get to see you every single day or know what you’re doing, I know you’re going to love being at University and you’re going to love London,” Lottie said, rubbing Y/N’s back.

“I don’t want you to leave.” Y/N sounded like a wee child, refusing to let her parents leave her at kindergarten for seven hours.

Davi squeezed Y/N’s shoulders again. “It’ll be alright, querida.”

“You don’t know that.”

“But I do. You feel like this now because this is a huge change. University is the beginning of adult life, it’s scary, but you’ll love it.”

Y/N chose not to argue with her papai as she knew he was only trying to make her feel better. And also, though she did not want them to leave, she knew that the longer she stayed there with them, the higher the risk was for her to bawl her eyes out into her mum’s shoulders. Slowly, making sure to wipe her eyes discreetly against her mother’s shoulder, Y/N stepped away from her parents, trying to smile at them both. She knew they could tell she was about to cry, but was grateful that neither one of them pointed it out.

“Goodbye, my baby,” Lottie said, stroking Y/N’s cheek. “Please call us tonight or tomorrow, we want to see your room when it’s all finished.”

Y/N nodded. She always kept her mouth shut when she was about to cry, it was as if speaking made all emotion float out of her through her open mouth, and she started crying uncontrollably.

“We’ll see you soon,” Davi smiled. “Remember to have fun, yes? This is going to be so much better than you think.”

She smiled, watching her father sit down in the passenger side and her mother climb into the driver’s side.

“Remember your time slot, Y/N. Remember to get to the uni on time to register-“

“-Lotts,” Davi warned.

“Right, alright,” Lottie sighed, getting the car going. She turned back to Y/N one last time blowing her a kiss. “Love you.”

“Te amo!” Davi shouted, waving and grinning at his daughter.

Y/N was left standing there looking after the car as her parents drove off. She was unable to move for a moment, the only thing she managed to do was stare after the car until it was out of sight. When it was, Y/N felt an instant sort of empty feeling in her stomach. She was on her own. Her parents were on their way back to Nottingham, and she was here. In London. Alone. Momentarily, Y/N’s excitement about uni and everything she would experience these next three years, was all insignificant. The lack of her parents’ presence was like stripping reality of warm colour, replacing them with the dreary and cold.

She felt her eyes begin to sting and let one tear roll down her cheek. Then, wiping the next few off her face, she started making her way up to her new flat. She closed the ground door behind her, and then the front door of the flat when she reached it. Nathan was out on the balcony with a cigarette in one hand and his phone in the other. He did not notice Y/N as she walked up to her room again and she was very happy he did not.

Walking straight for the bathroom, the door right in front of the stairs once you reached the first storey of the split flat, Y/N closed and locked the door afterwards. She turned water on, scooped some coldness into her hands and splashed it over her face. Without hesitating, she did it again, turning the tap off before looking at herself in the mirror above the sink. She wiped the water off her face with the sleeves of her jumper, cursing herself for not having brought a towel in with her.

“You’re a bad bitch,” she hissed at her reflection. “Why’re you crying?”

A small gasp left Y/N’s lips and she turned the tap on again, splashing her face with more cold water. She had no idea if it was helping any, but she had a strange sense that by doing it, she would feel better afterwards. However, looking at herself in the mirror again, she did not feel the least bit better.

“What’s wrong with you?” she asked herself in a whisper. “Can you stop crying? There’s literally no need to cry.”

But there was, her brain retorted, and that alone brought more tears to her eyes. Y/N knew that had she been driven down here by her parents to be on holiday for a week or two, she would not have cried. Maybe she would have cried the day before going home because she would rather be in London than Nottingham because she loved it so much, but she would not have cried when her parents drove off. In fact, she was sure she would have loved to see them go and known she was free to do whatever she wanted, when she wanted.

But this was different. She lived in London now. Her mother couldn’t just come whenever Y/N needed her, and her papai couldn’t stop whatever he was doing to help her with whatever she was struggling with. It was a new life. A new beginning. And she had to do it all alone. She was used to being alone by choice, she didn’t like this feeling of alone.

“Y/N?!” Nathan called as he walked up the stairs. “Y/N, you in your room?!”

Taking a deep breath and wiping a little excess water off her cheek, she unlocked the bathroom door and stepped outside just as Nathan stood in the doorway of her room. Nathan took one look at her and said, in a quiet and low tone, “They left?”

Y/N inhaled slowly. “Yeah.”

Nathan walked over to her, bringing her in for a hug. Y/N hugged him back tightly, appreciating the reassurance. She knew she wasn’t alone, she had Nathan after all, but it was still strange to be here without her parents.

All her time throughout school, Y/N had looked forward to moving away to University. Her and Nathan had planned out their lives once they got to uni, in detail, and could spend hours on end just making plans for Freshers Week and the parties they would attend. Having been friends since year three of school, the two of them had made a lot of plans throughout the years. Most of the plans, they had never gone through with, but it was still fun to imagine. Neither could remember what exactly had gotten them to talk to one another that first time, but they had always suspected it was their mutual friend, Ella, who had gotten them talking. Since then, Nathan and Y/N had been inseparable.

They always did the stupidest things together, annoying all their friends and family. They got their license on the same day, would often sleep out in one of their gardens just because they could, always made the other a Build-a-Bear for their birthday, knew each other’s favourite scents, tastes, turn ons and turn offs, and everything in between. It was a friendship that was seen as maybe a little too close, but once you found your soulmate, there were no boundaries anymore. At least that was how Y/N and Nathan saw it. Besides, there was a sense of bond between them that only people identifying as queer could understand. Though neither of them had known at the age of seven when they met that they would grow up to identify as gay and bisexual, they knew now that their bodies, on some level, had known, and therefore drawn them to one another.

When you’re around other people from the LGBT community, there is not only a sense of understanding between you, but also undeniable, immeasurable comfort and support. No matter what. It’s a home, someplace to be completely you, without feeling like you need to tone it down or be ashamed, something the outer world sometimes could make you think you needed to. Y/N was therefore incredibly happy that her, as a bisexual, had found Nathan, who was himself with his whole heart, and who encouraged her to be the same.

“You ready to go to uni?” Nathan asked.

“Yeah, I’ll just change into a tee shirt.”

Nathan let go of her and followed her into her room.

Having always been plus size, Y/N broke a sweat rather easily. She therefore knew that she might freeze a bit in the beginning, but if her and Nathan were supposed to walk up and down stairs at tube stations and walk indoors at Helmond, she would need to wear a tee shirt to cool herself down some.

She took her jumper off, lobbing it on the still empty bed before she opened her bag filled with tops. She dragged a tee shirt out at random, taking a look at the black tee shirt with a white half moon embroidered onto the chest. Dragging it over her head, she walked to the full-body mirror that her mother had insisted on her bringing. She said there were rarely mirrors in student houses, and she was right. Looking at herself, Y/N ran a hand over her black denim shorts, studying how her faux leather sock boots went with the rest of her outfit. The chunky soles were amazing for walking, and she knew her feet would be aching by the time they got back home.

“Hmm,” Y/N said. “Might change into jeans, actually.”

“Why?” Nathan asked, furrowing his brows. “You look good in that.”

“I know, but the chafing.”

Nathan, who had heard this before, only nodded. With his noodle legs, he had never experienced chafing, and therefore did not say anything. Y/N knew this and appreciated him not trying to relate to her problems as a plus size woman. He could understand many of her problems, but never that.

Bringing her trouser bag forth, she got a pair of black jeans out, putting them on, making sure the sock boots were on the outside of the tight-fitted denim, and then the two of them were on their way. Y/N brought a tote bag, putting her phone, purse, and flat keys in it.

They arrived at Haggerston tube station on Lee Street, and once they were there, Nathan helped Y/N set up her Oyster card. The card would be an easier payment method for public transport around London, and though she could easily just tap her bank card, an Oyster card was, according to Nathan, a better way of doing it.

“You can use it for right about anything,” Nathan explained as they stood by the Overground platform, waiting for the Crystal Palace / New Cross / West Croydon train to arrive. “We’re talking Underground, Overground, Tramlink, all buses, River Services, you name it.”

“You always take the tube to uni.”

“I beg to differ.”

“Nate, you literally send a snapchat every single day before you go to uni of you sitting on the Overground.”

Nathan tutted, shaking his head. “I also walk.”

“When?”

“Blimey, I can walk. I do have legs, have you seen them?”

“Pretty hard to miss when they take up 80% of your body.”

Nathan gasped, nudging Y/N before the two of them laughed. The train arrived, and they got onboard, sitting down on one of them orange seats along the walls. They got off at Whitechapel, weaving past people to get to the Underground this time. They took an escalator down to the District and Hammersmith & City lines, Y/N following Nathan as he made a right turn for the Eastbound route.

“I know that exact walk, from the Overground to the District Line, like the back of my hand,” Nathan said, grinning proudly as they stepped aboard the train, holding onto the pole in between two doors. The doors closed, and Y/N had to hold on tight as not to faceplant onto the tube floor. That would not have been an ideal way of starting her conversion into a proper Londoner.

“Thought you said you walked to uni as well.”

“Well, I still do!”

“Alright.” Y/N nodded. “When’re we getting off?”

“Stepney Green.”

“This is Stepney Green. Change here for Hammersmith & City-“

Y/N raised her eyebrows at Nathan. “Really? Not even one stop?”

“Leave off, you hag.”

“Please, mind the gap between the train and the platform edge.”

The two walked up to the surface again and started on their ten-minute walk to Helmond from there. Y/N thought it would take them longer to get there considering she was a slow walker, something Nathan always had to consider when walking around with her, but it did not. The lack of her parents’ presence still hung in the air around her, it was still thick as fog, and she knew the longing for their closeness would not clear away within the next few days, but the moment she set her eyes on her University, she forgot about everything for just a little bit.

Helmond, University of London rose up before them in beautiful red and white bricks, shining in the late September sun like a lone castle in the middle of a vast and dark forest. It felt like Y/N had been without food and water for days, and the sign of the castle, the sign of life, brought a new sense of meaning to her. The massive University took up an entire 175-acre rectangle in London, enrolling a total of 20 thousand students, and being the second biggest London University for that reason alone, only barely beaten by Battersea, University of London, who hosted 35 thousand. Regardless, Helmond was the oldest uni in London, the first one to be established in the capital in 1817. Y/N felt very small looking at it, even though it wasn’t a particularly tall building, but she knew how big it was from the Open Day she had spent walking around campus grounds with her parents.

Nathan led Y/N over to the stairs and the two walked on in. It was like stepping right into a Renaissance painting. The ceilings were tall and vaulted, grand pillars against the walls up and down the halls. This hall was white, but Y/N knew that in other places in Helmond, the ceilings were painted, making it look like a sort of Versailles rip-off.

Immediately as you walked in, you stepped into the entry hall that was filled with first years trying to find their way around the uni. Right ahead was the reception area and a statue of Victor Helmond, the founder of the school and the first headmaster. To Y/N, he looked right about just like those old statues from the 1800s did, he was no different with his medium height, messy hair, and beard. Through the tall French windows behind the reception and statue, Y/N glimpsed one of the two massive courtyards in the middle of the University. 

The uni was built around two quads, separating them was another quad just behind a red and white brick bridge, making it easier for students to get to lectures on time instead of walking their way through the long hallways, past lecture halls, cafeteria, and shops. Y/N could envision herself walking that bridge quite a few times over the next few years. There was another statue in the middle of the courtyard Y/N could see now, red and white tiled paths leading up to the fountain it stood on from each of the four walls facing it. The other courtyard was a replica of this one, only the statue was different. The one Y/N could see was Victor Helmond’s wife, Maud, and she knew that in the other courtyard, there was a statue of Queen Victoria. She had been told all of this on her Open Day months ago.

People were sitting in the grass of the quads, either with books in their hands or surrounded by friends. No one looked to have a care in the world, not even another oncoming year at uni. Y/N wished she could be as relaxed as them, and told herself that at one point, when she felt more at home here, she would.

“Coming?” Nathan asked after a little while, walking backwards while keeping his eyes on Y/N.

“Yeah.”

She followed him and the two walked further down the hall where there was a queue. Nathan stopped there and smiled at Y/N, nodding in the direction of the open door.

“Won’t be too long, there are tons of student representatives standing there, so it’ll take us ten minutes,” Nathan explained.

And he was right, it did not take them long to get to the front of the queue. They were stood in what Y/N could only assume to be a room specifically used for meetings. The table was fixed to look like a horse shoe, right about ten student representatives standing there, helping to register those that were there to start their first year.

“Next!” a woman called, and with one last look at Nathan, Y/N walked in her direction, giving her, what she hoped to be, a friendly smile as she approached.

“What’s your surname?” the student representative asked.

“Montes.”

She looked behind her, taking some time to find a M. She walked up and down the row of tables behind her, but once she finally came back to Y/N, she placed a manila folder on the table in front of her.

“Y/N Montes, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Studying English Literature?”

“Yup.”

“Brilliant,” the woman said, bending down to retrieve something more Y/N had to bring with her. “Just sign your name, date of birth, and the student halls you’re living in on the paper in front of you, please.”

“I don’t live in halls.”

“Ah, well, then you just write your address down. The uni just wants to know where you live, really. Especially if you’ve moved here to attend uni.”

Y/N nodded, taking the pen laid before her and writing under Jack Williams that had been before her.

“English Lit?”

After only having signed her name, Y/N looked up at the girl to her left who had just talked. She was looking straight at Y/N with a small smile on her face.

“I’m doing English Lit, too,” the girl said, her smile growing.

Y/N smiled back. “Really?”

“Yeah,” she blonde said, grinning now. “I’m Chloe.”

“Y/N.”

Chloe made a small bow. “Pleasure to make your acquaintance.”

“And yours.” Y/N cursed herself for not being funnier. This girl would not want to be her friend if she wasn’t funny.

“Not to be like this,” the bloke helping Chloe out said. “But could you do this outside? We need to register more people.”

“Of course,” Chloe said, sounding a little too charming for her own good. She glanced back at Y/N, hugging her manila folder to her chest. “See you around, Y/N.”

“And you.”

Y/N’s entire chest burst with a sort of contentment only strange encounters could bring forth. It was a sort of reminder that Y/N was appreciated and seen by someone she barely knew; someone she appreciated and saw in return. Knowing that, even though they might not stay friends for their entire time at uni, they would at least lean on each other as lectures began. She could find Chloe and sit down next to her, and it would not be weird.

“Wicked,” Nathan said as Y/N came walking in his direction with the Helmond folder in her hands. “Now, let’s go for dinner. I’m famished.”

And so they did. They stopped by a pub on the way home, staying there for two hours just talking, eating and drinking. It was nice to finally be with Nathan again. He had been in London for well over a month, and as much as Y/N wanted to come down there, she needed all those hours of work to earn money for uni. New Look did not pay well, but at least she had a bit of money to use right off the bat. She’d need a new job, though. And fast.

This time around they walked back to the flat, taking the hour it took to just take in the stroll that Y/N knew she would take more than she would take the tube. There was just a lot to look at, and no hills, meaning that the stroll would not kill her. Another bonus was the time she would get to spend just listening to music, something she adored. Once again, she completely forgot about her parents and them leaving, until they reached the flat an hour later. Remembering brought a white-hot ball of aching to Y/N’s stomach, making it hard for her to swallow properly. She assumed it would be like this for a few days, if not weeks. She’d have to find her place and her people before the feeling of longing for her parents and life back home in Nottingham, would dissipate.

It was very dark in the flat when they finally got home around 8. Nathan stumbled a bit when they walked through the door, making Y/N laugh her ass off. Nathan only flipped her off before urging her to walk on in. She did, taking her shoes off and leaving them by the door. The light in the kitchen was on, and because Y/N assumed they must have left it on before they left, she did not bother to take a proper sweeping look over the room before reaching for the light switch. She stopped.

Nathan was busy closing and locking the front door, humming to that Tinie Tempah song that was always played in any sort of club setting. He must have been clubbing the night before, she reckoned. The rest of the flat was quiet. It was left in darkness. It was therefore weird to Y/N that she saw a hallucination in the middle of the lit-up kitchen. Would it not have been wiser of her brain, a bit scarier also perhaps, to put that hallucination in the corner of her dark room? Why was she seeing it right there, in the kitchen, in vivid detail? She wouldn’t remember ever having hallucinated… him. Her sister sometimes showed up, but Y/N never saw her in detail, only as she remembered her from that last time she saw her. But this… this was different. Y/N fucking hated it.

“Y/N,��� he said, voice darker than she remembered it.

Blinking a few times to get the sight of him out of her head, she turned the lights off and turned to Nathan who struggled taking his shoes off, now humming to another song.

“Nate, literally shut up. Chainsmokers is rank.”

“Oi! Closer is a fucking belter!”

“Y/N, could you turn the lights back on, please?”

There it was again. His voice. She closed her eyes and shook her head forcefully, as she did to get rid of Marcela’s image. With a hand on the strap of her tote bag, Y/N started on her journey towards the stairs.

“Oi, Y/N, why’re you leaving the man in the dark?” Nathan asked, frowning over at Y/N as she stopped moving. What… What did Nathan just say? Had he seen Y/N’s hallucination as well? Were they both hallucinating? What had been in the two pints they’d just had? Nathan wasn’t drunk, was he?

She could tell by the yellow light that flooded into the hallway from the kitchen that Nathan had turned the lights back on. Slowly, she looked over her shoulder at Nathan, meeting his gaze right away. Nathan glanced into the kitchen, giving the hallucination a smile before asking, a little too casually, “You’re home early.”

“Work was slow. Let me off early so I could get a few extra hours sleep in before uni starts.”

Y/N shook her head again, walking over and putting a hand on Nathan’s shoulder to check if he was real and not just another hallucination. Nathan looked to Y/N right away, a deep furrow to his brows as Y/N felt his neck and cheek.

“Have you cracked your skull? What’re you doing?” Nathan asked.

“You can see him?” Y/N blinked at Nathan, nodding in the direction of the kitchen.

“Of course, I can see Harry. I’m not blind and I did develop the ability to sense another human beings’ presence when they’re in the same room as me. He’s standing right there, isn’t he?”

“No, he… he’s not…”

Y/N looked at the hallucination again then. Harry Styles. She had not thought about him in months, had not seen him in years. They had not been in each other’s proximity since he lived in Nottingham with his father three years ago. Had not spoken properly since that day in late August 2014 when they spent the night together. And there he was, standing in the kitchen of her new uni flat. She could not believe it. There were so many questions running through Y/N’s head in that second that she did not know which one to ask Nathan, who, it seemed, had no problem with Harry Styles being in their kitchen.

“Yes, he is,” Harry answered slowly, looking at Y/N with his eyebrows raised. They rose even higher up his forehead once he caught Nathan’s eye. “You didn’t tell her.”

“What?” Y/N looked at Nathan. “Didn’t tell me what?”

Nathan raised his shoulders in a shrug that Y/N knew was only done to buy her best friend some time. He pursed his lips, refusing to meet either of their eyes. “Might’ve slipped my mind.”

Harry cocked his head, putting the glass of milk he was holding back onto the counter. “Slipped… your mind?”

“I forgot.”

“You forgot?!”

“Y/N’s blind, you’re deaf. What’s next?”

“Nate, please, for the love of fuck, tell me you told her.”

“Nate?” That made Y/N retreat, two lines etched between her brows as she looked to Harry again, then back at Nathan. “You only let your mates call you that.”

Harry let out a short, high-pitched laugh. “Brilliant. You didn’t even tell her about me in general. What’s that about? You ashamed of me?”

“Oh, don’t take the piss, you wank-stain.” Nathan rolled his eyes. “I knew it would not go down very well.”

Harry crossed his arms. “And this way it would?”

“I was gonna sit her down and tell her, but I never got around to it. Alcohol called, she wanted us to have two pints at a pub.”

“Don’t blame this on a pint, you could’ve told her ages ago.”

“Can someone please,” Y/N called, making Nathan stop whatever he was about to say. “Tell me what the bloody hell is going on?”

Nathan and Harry looked at one another, exchanging a sort of glance Y/N could almost decipher, but in her confused state was too dizzy to try and comprehend. They stood like that for a few seconds, making grimaces at one another, having a telepathic argument that Y/N wanted in on.

“Hello?!” she called, making both boys jump and look at her again.

“Nathan,” Harry said, picking his glass of milk up again and taking a sip.

“Right,” Nathan sighed, turning his body in Y/N’s direction. “Y/N, Harry’s gonna be living with you for the rest of the year.”

Harry huffed. “Want me to move out next year, do you? Don’t wanna live with me our third year?”

“Oh, you know I do, but one year at a time, yeah? Don’t need to traumatise her more than necessary.”

Y/N did not know what to do. Out of all possible scenarios, out of all horrible happenings at University, she had not seen this one coming. Never in her wildest dreams had she thought this would ever happen. She quite frankly thought she had left Harry Styles behind her in her past, never to be in contact with or meet him again. But he was one of her new flatmates. She would be living with him for at least a year, two if she did not decide to move out. They had been each other’s first time, and then never spoke to each other again, despite everything else. That was three years ago, and now what? Were they supposed to talk it through? Were they supposed to ignore it? Ignore each other?

Y/N’s head was spinning, and it seemed the rest of the flat was spinning with her. Taking one last look at Harry and Nathan, she started walking in the direction of the stairs. Whatever the two were arguing about, they stopped the second they saw her strolling away.

“Oi, what’re you doing?” asked Nathan.

“I’m fucking going to my room to get away from you,” Y/N asked, voice razor sharp. “Unless you forgot to tell me there’s a corpse hidden inside my wardrobe?”

“It’s just 8. The night’s still young.”

“I don’t care.”

“Mate-“

“-Is there a corpse in my room? Or lice in my mattress? Or any other rather big news you’d like to tell me?”

Nathan must have known this would happen, but he still looked nervous as he shook his head, indicating that there was nothing else he was supposed to have told her but hadn’t.

“Good,” Y/N said. “I’ll deal with whatever kind of situation this is, tomorrow.” She paused. “Or maybe the day after that.” Another pause. “Fuck this. Fuck you.” She pointed at Nathan.

“I’m just trying to make us all be friends here,” he said. “Besides, don’t fuck me, I’m gay. And…” Nathan nodded in the direction of the kitchen where Harry stood. “You’ve already fucked him-“

“-I’ll literally murder you, Nathan,” Y/N hissed, and she swore she could hear a grunt of disapproval from Harry’s end as well, not having appreciated Nathan’s comment.

Without another look at them, she walked up the stairs and to her room, locking herself in there. It was then that she realised she hadn’t gotten her bed ready for the night. However, in her infuriated state, Y/N did not care. She got her pillow out from one of her bags along with her duvet, opening the windows to let some fresh air in and pulled the curtains close. She wasn’t really about to go to bed, but she knew that she would cry in not too long because she missed home, and her anger at Nathan and Harry did not help. If she got angry enough, she’d cry. Hard.

She could not believe this. It did not feel real. Ever since that night in August, she had not talked to Harry, and she did not think she ever would again. However, here she was, living in the same flat as him. It wasn’t as if their time together had been more awkward than they had anticipated, but the reason why she could not stand him was because, even though had kept every single other promise he’d ever made, he had not even done as much as look at her after they had sex. He had not called like he promised he would. Had not kept in contact with her after moving away. Had not been what he had promised he would be: different. A mate.

They had promised each other at the time that this would not be awkward, they would just get it over with, be awkward with one another, and then forget it ever happened. They would go back to being mates. But then Harry had shut her out, and they had not talked since. At times, when Y/N thought about this not too long after it had happened, she was scared that the entire reason why Harry had even been friendly in the first place was so they’d fuck and forget about one another. Sometimes it was easier to tell herself that than to remember all the lovely times. Y/N chose to repress those. He was not worth it.

She heard Nathan’s voice and then Harry’s along with footsteps. They were walking up the stairs, talking in hushed voices as if scared to wake anyone up. Y/N supposed it was the last flatmate that she had yet to meet, and considering how Nathan had not told her she would be living with Harry for the next year, she was scared to think who the last flatmate would be.

There was a knock at her door.

Y/N rubbed a hand over her face. “Drink piss.”

“Y/N, I just wanna talk.”

“No, Nathan.”

He jiggled the door handle. “Please.”

“Nathan, I need to be alone or else I’m sure I’m gonna fucking choke you till your eyes pop,” Y/N said. “Harry Styles, Nathan!”

“Yes, Y/N, I know!” Nathan said, sounding genuinely conflicted as well. “I know I should have told you he goes to Helmond! And that we’re mates here! I know!”

“Why didn’t you?”

“’Cause I knew you wouldn’t live with me if I told you,” Nathan admitted. “I had been looking forward to you coming here for so long, and Harry, Mason, and I kind of agreed to move in together. I told Harry, but he never had a problem with it, but I knew you would, because… well… everything that happened in Notts.”

Y/N rolled her eyes.

“But believe me that I didn’t do this as a way for you and Harry to, like, start talking again-“

“-‘Cause if you did-“

“-Oh, I know I would’ve been dead by now if that was the case, I know.” Nathan sighed. “Y/N, he’s not as much of a knob-“

“-He is a knobhead. Now, then, forever. Now, leave me alone.”

Nathan knew there was no way for him to make this any better. Once Y/N had made her mind up, it was hard to change her perspective on things. Getting her used to Harry, to living with him, to accepting this fate of hers, would take a very long fucking time.

Nathan said a small, “Later” from down the hall, and Harry replied with a “Have a good one” that seemed a bit closer somehow. Before she knew it, the door just beside hers opened, a small creak to it as Harry stepped in. It closed just after Nathan’s did, and Y/N heard the sound of footsteps from the room just beside hers. Not only was Harry Styles, the person who took her virginity, and Y/N Montes, the person who took Harry Styles’ virginity, living in the same flat. No, their rooms were also right next to one another. Brilliant. Fucking brilliant. Not only had she cried an abnormal amount today, sprained her ankle some on her walk home, and been uncharacteristically awkward when meeting new people, but she had also moved into the same house as her ex-friend.

Y/N turned her face, burying it into her pillow, and screamed.

Monday, 18 September 2017

There were people everywhere. Y/N was used to there being heaps of people everywhere she looked and did not mind crowds. She liked the company of people around her, the sounds of civilisation. In fact, it relaxed her much more than a calm countryside ever could. When walking through Canada Water, she did not mind people bumping into her or them walking right past her. It just showed signs of people and she loved that. She hated being alone, hated the sound of her own breathing and nothing to accompany her.

That was one of the reasons why she had looked forward to moving to London in the first place. She wanted the comfort of never being alone, of always having someone around, which she knew she would appreciate about London. Of course, she knew there were places in London she could go to be on her own, but she liked the idea of never, truly, being alone. The prospect of being alone, terrified her. She was never lonely, she had a lot of friends, she was close with her parents, but being alone, with no one else around, was something else entirely.

She did not feel lonely, even though she did not know any of the people around her at this precise moment in the tube station, she was surrounded by people and there was a comfort in that. Years & Years blasted from her earbuds and it was hard not to sing along when Desire went as hard as it did. So, instead of singing with her whole chest in the middle of the tube station, Y/N settled for miming the words with her mouth. She loved Years & Years more than she could articulate, so it was hard for her not to go crazy while listening to them. She could not wait for their second album to drop sometime next year.

Y/N walked towards the Eastbound platform as she reached the Jubilee line level. Nathan would be waiting for her at Ikea in Greenwich, as he had gone for a few other errands in the area, which ones Y/N did not know, but she had no problem meeting him there. However, she would have much more preferred it if he could have gone there with her, as she much more preferred to hang out with her friends than getting to places by herself. She just needed to take the Jubilee line to North Greenwich, and then take the 161 bus to Millennium Leisure Park East, and there Nathan would be waiting for her. That was all she had to do on her own, then she would have company.

She had not yet forgiven him for not telling her about Harry, but she didn’t have anyone else to take to Ikea, so she’d just have to ignore it until she had the energy to talk it through. Until then, she’d be passive aggressive and make Nathan feel bad for keeping it from her. Not the best way to go about it, she knew, but it would do for now.

The train arrived and Y/N waited patiently before she boarded it, letting the passengers that were already aboard get off before she started making her way on. Too anxious to sit down, Y/N took to standing by the pole just by the door she just entered, holding onto it with two other business men, neither who paid anyone on that train any attention as all of it were on the phone in front of them. Y/N reached for her phone then, typing out a message to Nathan that she was on her way. Or… at least she hoped she was.

“This is a Jubilee line train to Stratford; the next station is Canary Warf.”

Y/N let out a small sigh of relief, mentally patting herself on the back for managing to make it this far on her journey to Ikea Greenwich without getting completely lost. She felt her phone vibrate in her hand, and she immediately raised it to look at her new notification.

Nathan

Glad you’re finding your way around London, can be quite challenging

Nathan

Especially when you have a pea brain

Nathan

Like you do

Y/N snorted, started typing a text out right away as she held onto the blue pole for dear life.

Y/N

Scientists have been working for years to find a brain inside your gigantic head, seems it’s too small to be found, even under a magnifying glass

Because of poor reception, the text did not send, and the thought of being so low underground that she had trouble reaching her loved ones, suddenly scared her a bit. Y/N closed her phone and looked up at the tube map as the speaker overhead announced their arrival at Canary Wharf, people milling on and off the train.

Y/N saw something just before the door closed. She stopped breathing. It was only for a split-second, but she could swear she had seen something. She recognised the denim jacket, the hair, the smile. No matter the scenario, where she was, what was happening, Y/N would remember and make out her sister. She would recognise her anywhere. This was no different.

However, it had only been for a single second, not even that. The doors had closed before Y/N got to take a proper look. Right away, she closed her eyes tightly, willing her violently beating heart and pulse to slow down. It had just been a hallucination; it had not been real. I had just been a hallucination; it had not been real, and she continued to tell herself that until the train started driving away from the platform. Once she finally opened her eyes and looked out of the train windows, the darkness of the underground tunnels had surrounded them. Marcela was nowhere in sight.

Y/N leaned her forehead against the blue pole, feeling a slight layer of sweat over her cupid’s bow and forehead. The Marcela hallucination had affected her more than she thought it would have. Taking a deep breath, Y/N kept her eyes shut and her mind closed until she reached North Greenwich. Then, forcing the image of her sister away, Y/N walked off the train the second it stopped and almost ran for the exit and fresh air. Marcela was not alive; she had been dead for three years. She had been murdered three years ago. Neither hallucinations nor will would bring her back, it was time Y/N made her brain believe that as well.

NEXT UPDATE: Sunday, 28th February, 9PM GMT!

Huge thanks to my AMAZING beta readers! 🏛️ @aileenacoustic 🏛️ @devil-in-bw-the-sheets 🏛️ @sunflowerstache​ 🏛️ @fromyourstrulyh​ 🏛️

FIC PAGE | COME TALK !!!

[nineteenninety-six]

It’s What We Make It

Just a warning, this is technically based in S2 but at the same time it’s not. It contains scenes from seasons I like but it doesn’t follow the show’s timeline. Also, a lot of time skips because I’m lazy.

This took me two weeks to write and though I wish it could be better, I’m done with it. It was meant to be a request fulfil but it’s so far gone from that lol. Also this better appear in the bloody tags otherwise I’ll fight someone

Word Count: 14,827

The night (Y/N) escaped from her family's home would be a night she would never forget.

She disappeared in the middle of the night and triggered the plan she had spent almost a year planning. Due to what her family did for a living, she worked alone in case she got caught.

Her family had enough money to the point where they wouldn't notice a small amount going missing, which is exactly what she did. She took enough to ensure she left the country quickly and safely. She also stashed a few jewels and other expensive items to sell once she reached her destination.

She planned to go to England. She didn’t know where in England she would go but England was far away enough from her home country that she should be able to live comfortably and without fear.

(Y/N) didn’t know what her family would think about her disappearance, maybe they’d think that a rival gang had kidnapped her, but she knew that they wouldn’t let it simply go and they would send people to look for her. 

.•° ✿ °•.

Once (Y/N) arrived in England, she took a random train to Birmingham and then another to Small Heath. She had no clue where she was going or what these places were like but she did not let that stop her and if it was not the place for her, then she would move on. 

When she arrived it was late in the day but the streets were not quiet and (Y/N) could see a pub at the end of the street that was filled with people to the point that people spilled out onto the street outside and the faint sound of people talking and singing spilled out alongside them. 

(Y/N) gave the pub one last glance before she made her way into the small hotel and paid for a room. She would spend a few days at the hotel and discovering the place before she decided if Small Heath was a place where she was to stay long term.

(Y/N) garnered a few stares of curiosity as she walked around Small Heath which wasn’t surprising since she was clearly an outsider. The town was clearly one that wasn’t used to new people but they seemed merely curious at best. 

She wandered around the main road where all the shops rested, making mental notes of them and she passed by the pub that was alive with people the night before stopped by a small cafe for lunch. The sweet owner easily answered any questions she had, seemingly not having an issue with the fact that she wasn’t from around there and even though she had only been in Small Heath for less than two days, (Y/N) was pretty sure this was the place she wanted to stay. 

She asked the cafe owner about any job openings in town and was informed of the Garrison, the pub she saw earlier, was looking for a barmaid.

(Y/N) had never worked a day in her life but she wouldn’t be able to survive for long on the money she got from selling the stuff she had brought with her. She didn’t have the skills or the experience to become a barmaid or for any job for that matter, as she never had a reason to. Her family had drilled into her at a young age that once she was old enough, she would be married to another gang family. Either as a gift to thank a family that had been long loyal or to a rival to calm rising tensions and to gain allies.

She had been coddled for her entire life. Her parents gave her the best tutors in the country but she had barely left their manor at all through her childhood, which gave no social skills or friends but that was all about to change.

When she entered the pub, there was only one man in there and he was sweeping the floor but he looked up when she walked in.

“I heard that you were looking for a barmaid?” (Y/N) spoke first, when the man did not.

The man looked her up and down with a disbelieving stare, “You? A barmaid? Don’t make me laugh”

“Please,” (Y/N) took a step forward, “I’m desperate”

“Look, the people around here aren’t nice. Especially when they are drunk. You just look a bit too delicate to work here”

“I can hold my own”

She could. It wasn’t uncommon for her father to hold parties or dinners where he and his allies would drink until the sun rose and he’d always make her stay the entire night, most likely to show off how dutiful she was.  After all, the men in that type of business weren’t looking for a headstrong and independent woman, they’re looking for a meek woman that would obey their instructions and carry their children to continue the family name and (Y/N) wasn’t that type of woman. 

The man still didn’t look like he believed her but he must have seen the desperation in her eyes as he let out a resigned sigh, “Trial run tonight. If you do well, you get the job.”

(Y/N) bobs her head with a pleased smile, “Thank you.”

“Harry” The man held out his hand.

(Y/N) shook it, giving him her name.

“Seven pm on the dot tonight.”

“Thank you, Harry, I’ll be there”

.•° ✿ °•.

At seven pm, the pub only had a few customers but she dealt with those easily. Harry had taught her how to pour a pint and create a few other drinks and luckily for her, the people of Small Heath were simple when it came to their drinks.

By nine pm, the Garrison was filled to the brim with people. A portion of the pub was loudly singing along to the song that the woman at the piano was playing and the rest of the patrons were talking with their friends, almost shouting to be heard above the singing.

The atmosphere was unlike anything (Y/N) had ever experienced before but she found herself enjoying it. She didn’t think she stopped moving for a moment as she spun around the bar, fulfilling orders until a small window at the corner of the bar, something she hadn’t noticed until that moment had opened up, causing her to pause in her steps. It was more out of surprise than anything else at first but the man at the other side of the window with his bright blue eyes had also caught her attention.

With Harry busy, (Y/N) made her way to the small window, “...May I help you?”

The man’s eyes flickered up to her and he seemed speechless for a moment before he orders, “Two bottles of dark rum and four glasses”

(Y/N) nods and turns around only to smack straight into Harry’s chest.

“I’ll get that for you, Tommy. (Y/N) there are some people down at the end who want some ale”

(Y/N) looks up at Harry, confused on why he suddenly butt in and took over the order but just as she was going to silently nod and do as she was told but ‘Tommy’, spoke up before she could.

“Let her do it, Harry. She looks perfectly capable” 

Harry looked like he would argue, but he quickly nodded and allowed (Y/N) to get the drinks but he quickly followed behind her. 

“Anything that he or the other members of the Shelby family is free of charge.”

(Y/N) frowned and turned to ask him why but he had already disappeared to fulfil the orders of the other patrons. 

She picked up the two bottles of rum and placed them by the window before she went off to collect the glasses. 

“Harry says everything is on the house,” She says as he places the glasses down next to the bottles of rum, hoping that he could explain why.

“Hmm,” The man simply hummed as he picked up the drinks and placed them on the table in the snug behind him.

He turned around but stopped midway before he turned back to face her, looking at her up and down. “You’re not from around here”

“What gave it away?” (Y/N) responded sarcastically, knowing that her accent stood out.

“What’s your name?” Tommy’s interest had been piqued and he leant forward on the bartop

“What’s yours?” (YN) threw back.

Tommy squinted his eyes and (Y/N) raised an eyebrow. She had been raised amongst egotistical and big-headed men and she knew how to deal with them.

“Tommy Shelby” 

“(Y/N)”

“I’ll see you again, (Y/N)”

“I’ll make sure of it, Mr Shelby”

Tommy gave her one last nod before he disappeared into the snug and closed the window doors behind him.

(Y/N) was swept up with the rest of the customers the rest of the night and only got a break when they had closed up for the night and she was cleaning up. 

“Listen, (Y/N), it’s best if you try to keep away from the Shelby’s.”

“What do you mean?”

“Just promise me that you’ll stay away from them?”

“Only if I have the job”

Harry was silent for a moment before he sighed and nodded “Alright, you have the job. You did good tonight anyway.”

“Thank you, Harry”

(Y/N) had spent the rest of the night looking at places to rent in the newspaper, marking down which one suited her needs, making notes to call the landlords in the morning. With a secure job, she could now start to settle down in Small Heath.

.•° ✿ °•.

(Y/N) found a small flat that was perfect for her, she had paid a deposit and the first month of rent before moving herself and her singular suitcase into her new place. It was the opposite of what she grew up with but she found that it didn’t affect her as much as she thought it would. Her old bedroom was at least four times as big as her dingy little flat but she found the little room appropriate enough and she was determined to perservere and not give up. 

Once she had finished settling in, she took another walk around Small Heath before she had to go in to work that evening.

She had found herself by the cut and she stood right by the edge with the tips of her shoes just over the edge as she thought about her life. She knew it wouldn’t be long before her family somehow narrow where she had run off too, no doubt they had already sent men to America, Australia and England already but she hoped that Small Heath was a small enough place that she’d have at least a few years before she had to move on.

“Hullo”

(Y/N) swung around, not hearing whoever it was come up behind her but her momentum had caused her to trip over her feet and fall backwards, falling into the canal with a loud splash. Her thick coat and her shoes had weighed her down as she struggled to resurface. 

Tommy raced over to the edge and kicked off his shoes and shrugged off his coat and cap before he dived in after her. He swam down until he could see her and reached out and grabbed her arm before he started to swim to the surface, pulling her along.

When they both reached the surface, they gasped for air and (Y/N) coughed and sputtered out the water that she had accidentally swallowed. Tommy swam to edge, still tugging her along before he pulled himself out of the water before helping her out.

(Y/N) coughed a few more times before falling back so that she was flat on her back as she stared up at the sky. 

Tommy walked over to her and looked down at her, “You alright?”

(Y/N) glared at him as she took his offered hand and stood up, “Do you creep up behind every woman you know?”

“Only the ones that fascinate me”

His words caused (Y/N)’s glare to falter, “I suppose I should feel flattered then ?”

Tommy ignored her question as he turned on his heel and began to walk away before he called out to her over his shoulder, “C’mon, follow me”

(Y/N) grimaced as she moved to follow after him, her stocking covered feet squelched in her heels as she walked behind him. The rest of her clothes clung to her uncomfortably and her hair stuck to her face and neck. 

She didn’t know where Tommy was going and she didn’t exactly know why she was following him either but she supposed he fascinated her as she did him.

He took her to Watery Lane and into one of the houses, and she still squeaked uncomfortably behind him as she followed him into the kitchen. 

“Sit”

Tommy pointed to a random seat before he shuffled around the kitchen putting a full kettle on the stovetop and letting it boil while (Y/N) sat down as he instructed. 

(Y/N) looked at the kitchen around her in curiosity. The walls had been knocked down to let it be more open and just to the side of her there was a large green double door which she guessed led to the property next door but she had no clue why. She could hear the faint sounds of people talking through it but it was too muffled to hear anything clearly.

Just as she snapped out of her mind, Tommy had placed a cup down in front of her.

(Y/N) looked down at the cup in curiosity, “What’s this?”

Tommy sat down on the other side of the table, across from her with his own cup.

“Tea. To warm you up”

“What type of ‘tea’?” (Y/N) asked, “Anyway, I think getting out of my wet clothes will help more than a cup of hot..tea”

“Tea, tea. Have you never seen tea before?”

“I have never heard the word tea before. In my native language, we call this something else.” (Y/N) carelessly reveals, “Are you meant to drink it straight”

Tommy files away her first sentence away in his mind, making a mental note to find out where she was from before he leant across the table and pulled the teacup closer to him.

“You can if you want. Most add milk and sugar”

“How much-” (Y/N) asked, “How do you do yours?”

“Splash of milk, two teaspoons of sugar”

(Y/N) nods, “Okay, I’ll try it the way you like.”

Tommy nodded and did the tea for her. Never at all did he think that he would be making a cup of tea for a woman the second time he had ever met her but he supposed he did feel a little guilty for her falling into the cut and almost drowning.

(Y/N) took a sip and let a pleased hum, “This is...nice.”

“You like it?”

“Yes, I enjoy your...tea”

Tommy’s lip quirked at her words but the smile that nearly graces his lips quickly vanishes when Polly walks through the green doors, 

“Thomas, have you-oh” Polly freezes in her steps at the sight of the stranger sitting at the table.

“Polly,” Tommy cleared his throat as he stood up, “This is (Y/N), the new barmaid at the Garrison”

(Y/N) stood up and shook the hand of Polly and tried not the feel exposed as the woman raked her eyes across her.

“Why are the two of you wet?”

“I fell into the cut and Tommy helped me” (Y/N) quickly spoke before Tommy could speak.

Polly looked at Tommy as if she couldn’t believe what (Y/N) was saying was true. (Y/N) finished off her cup of tea before he cleared her throat, catching their attention, “Thank you for the tea, Tommy but it’s probably best I get home. Staying in wet clothes will only make me sick”

Tommy nodded and seemed perfectly fine with just walking her to the door but Polly spoke up for him, “Tommy walk her home”

(Y/N) opened her mouth to argue but the look Tommy sent her told her that it was better to not argue. 

They walked back to her flat in silence and it made (Y/N) realise how weird her day was. In what was meant to be a normal day exploring, ended up with her almost dying and then being treated with a cup of tea by a man whose mere presence prompted question marks. 

 .•° ✿ °•.

That evening (Y/N) was back at the Garrison, pulling pints and serving customers. It was never not busy and (Y/N) wondered how she didn’t end up with a headache every night but she enjoyed the work.  

When the pub quietened suddenly, it caused (Y/N) to look up from her work and she saw Tommy, Polly along with three other men who she had never seen before entering. Polly and the men entered the little snug whilst Tommy made his way up to the bar and with Harry overwhelmed, (Y/N) made her way over to him after she finished with her current customer.

“How may I help you, Mr Shelby?” She asked as she wiped her hands on her apron.

“Bucket of mild and four mugs and one whiskey”

(Y/N) nodded and went to go fulfil his order when Harry called out to her, 

“We’re out of the mild! I’m gonna go get a new barrel.”

(Y/N) turned around and gave Tommy a sorry smile, “I’ll bring it to you when Harry’s done”

Tommy gave her a nod before he disappeared in the snug. (Y/N) watched him for a moment before she turned to the next patron with a kind smile.

.•° ✿ °•.

Tommy joined his family in the snug and sat in his usual seat, paying half attention to the conversation around until it suddenly turned to him.

“Oi, Tom, who’s the new barmaid?” John asked, “And where are our fucking drinks?”

“A new hire by Harry” Tommy said as he lit up a cigarette, “Needed a new barrel, it’ll be here soon.”

Just then (Y/N) walked into the snug, bucket and mugs in hand.

“Sorry for the wait,” She said as she placed them on the table and quickly disappeared back out of the snug.

Once she left, John and Arthur let out low whistles.

“She’s a looker ain’t she” John commented

Polly rolled her eyes at her nephew’s behaviour while Michael noticed something else about the woman.

“Where is she from? Her accent is not from England”

Tommy shrugged, “Haven’t a clue”

Polly raised an eyebrow, “You don’t know? Usually, you’d know everything about her, especially since she works at the pub”

Tommy ignored her for a moment as he began to scoop up a mug of ale, his brothers following suit before he answered her.

“There’s something she’s hiding and I don’t think any call I make will clue me into it”

.•° ✿ °•.

That night as (Y/N) and Harry closed up, (Y/N) finally asked Harry about something that had been itching her about Tommy Shelby.

“Harry, when you warned me about Mr Shelby, what did you mean? What do the Shelby’s do?”

Harry sighed as he dropped his rag down on the bar, “They’re bad men. They’re a gang, they fix races, kill people, blackmail, threaten, you know all of it. If they want it, they get it.”

(Y/N) settled in silence at his words, her mind racing. Did she just escape from the gang at home just to run into a new gang? Was her luck that shitty?

She remained silent for the rest of the night but vowed that she’d try her best to avoid Tommy Shelby.

.•° ✿ °•.

Avoiding Tommy was easier said than done, he was somehow everywhere yet at the same time it was like he was a ghost. Whenever she saw him on the streets of Small Heath, she ducked into the many side streets and alleyways of the town. Whenever he entered the Garrison, she took his order swiftly and avoided eye contact.

Tommy had noticed her behaviour. 

A few weeks later he found her once again by the cut but this time she was sitting on the edge with her feet hanging over the edge. Tommy walked over to her but didn’t sit down next to her.

“You’ve been hiding from me”

(Y/N) didn’t even look up at him when she replied, “Have I? It seems that you’ve found me”

“Why?”

“Why do you care?”

Tommy hummed, “I suppose I don’t. Not really.”

“But you do though, don’t you? You care”

“I do” 

“Why?”

“You fascinate me.”

“...I’ve heard about the things you do Tommy.” (Y/N) decided to tell him why she had been avoiding him. 

“Yeah?” Tommy asked as he took a seat next to her, knowing that this wasn’t going to be a short conversation.

“I do...I do not understand why” 

“Growing up around here you have to know how to fight otherwise you won't survive. You have to adapt and grow. Fixing races or scamming the rich to get some money was the only way that we were able to feed our family at times.” Tommy offered her a cigarette which she accepted. “After the war, whilst we were at war, fighting for our lives and country, the men at the top simply sat at home and continued getting richer.”

(Y/N) had a frown on her face as she took a couple of drags of her cigarette, “But you murder people?”

“I’ve killed a few people”

“And that doesn’t affect you?”

“In the war, I killed about a hundred men who were just following orders like me. I used to beat myself up about taking a life but now, killing the people who profited off the war in some fashion barely gets me to blink”

“...So you only target the rich?”

Tommy nods, “You ask anyone and they’d probably say that we’re a pain in the arse but we’re their pain in the arse. We pump the money back through the town, making sure everyone has jobs and that they can support their families”

(Y/N)’s heart eased at his clarification. 

“My fa-” (Y/N) cut herself off realising that she was about to spill too much information about herself, “Back home, the gangs there targeted everybody. The poorer people suffered the most since they couldn’t pay ransoms or blackmail...every week a body would be discovered. Politicians and the most powerful men in the country were being controlled by these gangs, being played like marionettes. Not to mention the constant wars between rival gangs…”

(Y/N) hadn’t spoken about how life was back home and it felt good to finally speak to someone about it. She knew she had it good considering she rarely left the family manor and had anything and everything she could have asked for and nothing that her family did had negatively affected her in any way.

“Is that why you left your country?”

(Y/N) nodded, “I was scared that I left one gang and fell into the grasp of another”

Tommy took one last drag of his cigarette before he chucked it in the cut and (Y/N) followed suit. 

Tommy took her chin in his hands and pulled her face so that she was facing him, “You won’t be hurt here. You’re safe”

(Y/N)’s placed her hand over his that was still on her face but she didn’t try to remove it, “I’m am not safe, they will find me”

“Who will?”

(Y/N) gave him a soft smile as she finally pulled his hand away, “Never you mind. I’ve already said too much”

(Y/N) stood up and brushed off the dust and dirt from her before she offered him her hand, “Walk me to work?”

Tommy grabbed her hand and pulled himself up, “Of course”

The walk back was silent but (Y/N) felt at ease now that she knew the truth behind Tommy and the gang’s motives.

.•° ✿ °•.

(Y/N) no longer hid whenever she saw Tommy in the streets but instead gave him smiles. He wouldn’t always return them but (Y/N) felt a warmth bloom in her chest whenever he gave her a nod or a tiny smile in answer.

One day, in the early afternoon, Tommy and his brother, Arthur had entered the Garrison, so she went over to take their order.

“What can I get you two?”

“Go get Harry for us” 

(Y/N) got Harry and moved further down the bar but still close enough to listen to their conversation.

“What can I get you, boys?”

“Harry,” Tommy gave him a smile that wasn’t sincere in the slightest, “We want to buy your pub”

(Y/N)’s mouth dropped and so did Harry’s.

“Uhhh, it’s not for sale I’m afraid”

“It wasn’t a request, Harry.”

Harry instantly deflated as he knew he couldn’t exactly say no to the Peaky Blinders unless he wanted his eyes cut.

“Alri-”

“You can’t just do that!” (Y/N) stepped in, throwing Tommy a glare, “Harry said it wasn’t for sale, that’s your answer and you should accept it”

“Harry was just about to agree-”

“Through coercion” Once again, (Y/N) cut in.

Harry’s eyes were wide as he tugged on (Y/N)’s arm, telling her to stop but she didn’t listen.

“I didn’t make any threats. Did you hear me make a threat, Arthur?”

“Nah, I didn’t hear you make any threats brother” Arthur backed his brother up

“The implication was there. ‘Do as I ask or get your eyes cut’.” 

Harry pulled on her arm again but (Y/N) shrugged him off.

Tommy sighed, he patience wearing thin, “Listen, we’re just offering a considerable amount to buy the pub, nothing more”

“Since you have so much money, build a bloody pub yourselves, or better yet shove it up your-”

Harry finally pulled her hard enough that she had to move unless she wanted to fall flat on her face,

“(Y/N) go in the back. I’ll deal with it.” Harry pushed her away, “Go”

(Y/N) threw one last glare over her shoulder before she disappeared in the back. She paced around in Harry’s office waiting for him, she knew that he’d more than likely accept the Shelby’s offer but a part of her hoped that he didn’t.

When he returned there was a roll of money in his hand which caused (Y/N) to release a frustrated sigh. 

“I don’t want to end up in the cut” Harry tried to explain

“I know, I know. I’m not blaming you, I’m just annoyed at those Shelby men.”

“Listen, I know your stubborn but don’t go creating fights with those men”

“I can’t promise you anything” (Y/N) walked towards the exit, “I’ll go back to the bar”

(Y/N) was in such a bad mood for the rest of the day that the patrons simply made an order and then quickly scurry off once they got their drink, not wanting to be on the receiving end of her if they’d pushed her.

She was still in a mood once she had finished for the day and stormed home but once she collapsed on her bed, she felt a bit of tension drain out of her shoulders.

Despite how much she wanted to stay in bed, she knew couldn’t do it with the day's clothing still on her. She kicked her shoes off in the corner of her flat and chucked her coat on the small couch before pouring herself a glass of whiskey. 

She sipped on the whiskey as she wiped down her face with a damp cloth and changed into her nightdress before taking a seat near the window with the rest of her drink, the bottle next to her on the side table. Usually, she read a bit before she slept but it was raining that night and the sound of it hitting the window always calmed her, so she simply looked out of the window, watching the last few stragglers of Small Heath wander through the streets.

She had been at peace before loud knocking disrupted her and she huffed as she made her way over to her door, only opening it enough to fit her head through. 

“What do you want?” Tommy was on the other side.

“I’m here to talk”

“It’s late. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“I want to talk now” Tommy pushed the door open and forced himself into her flat.

“Thomas! You can’t just force yourself into my flat” (Y/N) hissed at him as she closed the door behind him knowing she wouldn’t be able to physically remove him at this point. 

Tommy looked around the flat checking it out as she took off his coat and hat, throwing next to where (Y/N) left hers.

“Nice little place you got here”

“Why are you really here Tommy?”

Tommy turned around and raised an eyebrow when he saw what she was wearing causing (Y/N) to wrap her arms around her chest as she hurried to her dressing gown and putting it on. 

“What do you want?” (Y/N) repeated herself, “If this is about earlier, then I refuse to speak about it”

“It is about today and you will speak about it”

“Well if you truly want to speak then let it be known that, I will not sit around and let you bully people into doing what you want”

“That’s how it works around here”

“That’s how you force it to work around here. People would rather say yes than end up blind or floating in the cut” (Y/N) corrected him.

She took a deep breath before she topped off her drink and offered him one, “Whiskey?”

“Please”

She gave him a glass before shifting the coats that rested on the couch onto the coat rack and then taking a seat on the now free couch and Tommy soon joined her.

“You say you’re not like the people back home but your actions today say different” (Y/N) took a sip of her drink, “You keep going down this lane and you’ll be like my….”

Tommy turned to her, “Like your who?”

“Never mind.” (Y/N) shook her head, “You’ve never been told ‘no’ in your life have you?”

“I have. Polly tells me about five times every day”

“I don’t mean by your family. You’ve never been told by a woman or by anyone in Small Heath like Harry, have you?”

Tommy shrugged his shoulders, “No, I don’t think so”

“Luckily for you, I’m here to humble you”

“Luckily?”

“Luckily.”

Tommy placed his hand on her thigh which caused her to raise an eyebrow at him but she didn’t say nor do anything.

“I know nothing about you,” Tommy told her

“I could say the same thing about you”

“You know things about me. You know my family and my past.”

(Y/N) snorted, “That’s a bit of a stretch. I know that you fought in the war, that’s it”

“That’s more than I know about you.”

“Okay” (Y/N) holds up two fingers, “You get to know one thing about my past and one about my family”

Tommy sipped his drink as he thought about which questions he would ask her.

“How many siblings do you have?”

“Four older brothers”

“You’re alike our Ada”

(Y/N) had never met the Shelby lady but judging by the little bits she heard from the brothers, it seemed like she, other than their aunt, was one of the only people who could tell Tommy to ‘shut up’ or ‘fuck off’ without consequence.

“In more ways than you may realise”

“Where are you from?”

“Ah!” (Y/N) held up her hand, “I won’t answer that”

“Why not?” Tommy fiddled with the edge of her dressing gown, his hand shifting higher up her thigh

“Because I said so, now, new question”

“How was your life back home?”

“Easy. I never had to worry about if there would be food on the table at the end of the day but I was restricted.”

“How?”

“I was not allowed to leave my house nor have friends, my life was lonely.”

“Was you sick as a child?”

“No. I was a vulnerability” (Y/N) downed the rest of her drink before turning to Tommy, “I’ve said too much. That was more than one thing you pulled from me”

“I’ll make it up”

“I hope so” 

(Y/N) bit her lip as she thought something through as the flat dissolved into silence.

“Are you going to sleep with me or are you going to continue to play with my dressing gown?”

“Are you going to say no?”

“I won’t be tonight”

“Good”

With that, Tommy swooped down and pulled her into a kiss, one that she eagerly returned. They kissed until they pulled apart needing air and Tommy pulled her onto his lap, 

“You sure?”

“Yes”

(Y/N) pulled him into another kiss as Tommy lifted her into his arms as he pushed himself onto his feet and made his way over to her bed where he promptly dropped her though he quickly followed suit. 

.•° ✿ °•.

(Y/N) mindlessly trailed her fingers across Tommy’s ribs as they laid together underneath her blanket. Tommy was sat up against the headboard as he smoked a cigarette while (Y/N) was curled into his side. 

“Next week, I’ll take you down to London,” Tommy announced, breaking the silence.

(Y/N) snorted, “Are you asking me out on a date?”

“I don’t do dates.”

“Hmm, I suppose you don’t have to wine and dine them. Somehow your charm does the work”

“‘Somehow’?”

“You’re a miserable bastard Tommy” (Y/N) looked up at him and gave him a smirk

“Next week then?” Tommy ignored her jab

“Yeah, I’ll talk to Harry and get a day off”

“You don’t have to ask Harry. We own the bloody pub, take as many days off you want”

“You may own it but I do not work for you, I work for Harry” (Y/N) looked up and glared at Tommy, before rolling to the other side of the bed and wrapping the blankets around her shoulder, “Anyway, I’m going to sleep now. Stay or leave, I don’t mind.”

Not realising how tired she was, (Y/N) almost immediately fell asleep and Tommy stared at her sleep form. 

He was enamoured with her, her mysterious life aside, he looked forward to every time they would meet and he enjoyed her fiery attitude towards him but he was confused as to what he wanted their relationship to be like. He didn’t date but he wanted something more than a purely sexual dynamic but he didn’t know what she wanted either. He could speak to her but that was outside of his comfort zone.

Tommy did not leave but he did not sleep, he continued to sit and smoke through the rest of his pack as he watched the sky turn light and the sun rose before he finally left. 

.•° ✿ °•.

The next week, Tommy had picked (Y/N) up and together they drove down to London. She had dressed up a bit but nothing in something that would be overdoing it but she had noticed Tommy run his eyes over her appreciatively, something that she enjoyed.

“You know, I’ve never been to London” (Y/N) said as she watched the scenery go.

“Never?”

“No. When I arrived in the country, I came straight to Birmingham on a train and that was that”

“Well, I hope you enjoy it”

(Y/N) smiled at him, “Me too”

(Y/N) filled the rest of the journey with questions, not just about London but about Birmingham and Small Heath as well.

When they arrived in London, (Y/N) got swept up in all of it. She enjoyed the bright lights and people filled the street. It was unlike anything she’s ever experienced and she loved it.

Tommy took her to go see a play, and as she watched the actors perform, (Y/N) thought she should make a list of things that Tommy was introducing her to because she was quickly running out of fingers to count on. 

After dinner, Tommy took her to a bridge that crossed the River Thames and they talked as they looked over the barrier, like they did by the cut in Small Heath. 

“Tonight was great, thank you, Tommy”

Tommy took a step closer to her and took her hand in his, “Look, I don’t know what the future entails or what I exactly want between us but I do want you next to me”

“I’ve never heard of that position before” (Y/N) curled her fingers around his, “I’m not your partner, your fiance, your wife but…”

“You are my person”

“...Your person”

As Tommy leant forward to kiss her, (Y/N) suddenly snapped back, her head swivelling around. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

(Y/N) threw one last look over her shoulder before turning to him with a smile that he was starting to recognise as one she used as a distraction and a cover-up. It worked on him before and he has seen it being used against various members of Small Heath, who, once seeing that smile, had followed her conversation change though (Y/N) also had no problem using her sharp tongue if anyone crossed any lines. 

.•° ✿ °•.

Just as Tommy leant down towards her, (Y/N) heard people speaking the language of her home country causing her to pull away from him. She strained to hear what was being said but the voices were quickly drowned by the chatter of over people on the bridge along with the cars that sped around them.

She looked around trying to see if she recognised anyone but yet again, the bridge was so busy, it was impossible for her. (Y/N) mentally cursed at herself, she was foolish to let her barriers remain down whilst they were in London, as it was more likely her father had men there and if she had been spotted, she wouldn’t know until it was too late. 

When Tommy called for her attention she turned to him with a smile after one last look over her shoulder. While she couldn’t see anyone, she would be on edge for a while.

“So, did you book a hotel room or are we driving back tonight?”

Tommy stood back and offered her his arm, “To the hotel it is”

.•° ✿ °•.

A month after the trip to London, (Y/N) and Tommy were going steady, if that was an appropriate word for their dynamic. They saw each other on a regular business but he hadn’t taken her on a date anywhere as extravagant as the one to London but (Y/N) enjoyed the nights in her flat where they would just drink and talk.

She was less on edge now she was back in Small Heath and nothing had happened to her but she remained vigilant but her new life relatively undisturbed changed that evening.

She had been working at the pub as usual when she felt eyes on her, it was unusual that when a patron got drunk that they would stare at her but they would usually look away once a prostitute or a friend got their attention but this man was different. 

She took quick glances at him as she worked and not once did this man's gaze falter, he had been nursing the same drink he had first ordered and his eyes were clear of any drunkness. (Y/N) knew something was up with him.

Not wanting to be defenceless, (Y/N) went out to the back of the pub and picked up one of the loose bricks that were laying around and put it in her handbag before she returned to the bar, hoping that the man assumed she only took a toilet break. 

Once her shift ended, (Y/N) left Harry to close up and started her way home. The man had left with the other patrons when the pub was closed but (Y/N) knew the man was waiting in the shadows for her.

As she walked back to her flat, she heard his footsteps behind her and her heart raced. If her plan went wrong then she would either be brought back home or dead and out of two, she preferred death.

She sped up and turned into the upcoming alleyway as she took her handbag off of her shoulders and grasped it tightly in her hands and when the man turned into the alleyway, she swung her bag at his head and watched as it successfully connected, causing the man to collapse at her feet. 

She paused waiting to see if he stirred but the man was knocked out. (Y/N) dropped to her knees before she searched the body, looking for a gun or any sort of weapon but when she heard hurried footsteps heading her way she froze before she pulled the brick out of her purse and held it aloft, ready to throw it whoever to turned the corner, fearing that the man had an accomplice that she didn’t see.

.•° ✿ °•.

On his way home from his office, Tommy had spotted (Y/N) on her way home from work but just as he was about to call her name and get her attention, he noticed the man following her. 

He snapped his mouth shut but silently followed after the man but when he and (Y/N) disappeared in an alleyway, he ran after them, pulling his gun out of his holster as he did so. 

He rounded into the alleyway, gun drawn and ready to shoot but froze at the scene he ran into. The man who had been following (Y/N) was unconscious on the floor and (Y/N) was crouched over him, brick in hand ready to throw.

Tommy let his arm drop to his side, “What the fuck is going on?”

(Y/N) who sighed in relief at the sight of him, threw the brick to the side and continued to search through his pockets like she was doing before Tommy interrupted.

 “You have a place where we can drag him, yes?” (Y/N) asked as he pulled out a gun from one of his pockets

“(Y/N)! What the fuck is happening?”

“Yes or no, Thomas!” (Y/N) snapped, “I will tell you but only if you fucking help me”

Tommy tucked his gun back in his holster before he made his way over to the man and hooked his arms underneath his armpits and began dragging him towards one of the many empty buildings in Small Heath.

“Follow me”

(Y/N) quickly snatched up her purse and followed after him but she was constantly checking over her shoulder to see if anyone was following them but once they arrived at the building, most of the tension dropped out of her shoulders.

Once Tommy dropped the man in the middle of the room he turned on his heel and pointed a finger at her, “Right, tell me what the fuck is happening.”

(Y/N) tugged off her scarf and went over to the man and began tying his ankles together,

“You know I haven’t told you anything about my past” (Y/N) grunted as she pulled the knots tight, “Give me your tie”

“You’ve told me a little,” Tommy said as he tugged off his tie before he gave it to her.

As (Y/N) began tying his wrists together, she began to tell Tommy about her life.

“What I told about how gangs run the country wasn’t a lie. Life there is hell for the common people, death is better than living there. But…”

“You left out something…”

(Y/N) sighed as she turned to Tommy, “My family is the biggest criminal organisation in the country. They have politicians and royalty in their pockets. Honestly? It makes your little gang here seem like a joke in comparison”

“...So you ran away from home?”

(Y/N) glared at him, “It was not that simple.”

“Then explain it to me then”

(Y/N) made her way over to him and took a seat on the floor, “I couldn’t get anyone to help me because if we got caught they’d be killed and I couldn’t have that on my conscience. Also, they’re a liability. I had to steal some money and other items from my family so that I could sell them and I had only planned as far as getting out of my country. Everything after that was a spur of the moment decision.”

“Your life was good, why run?”

“It wasn’t ‘good’, it was easy. Besides I was the only daughter and my father would sell me to the highest bidder or to whoever he had been beefing with as a gift”

“Your brothers have no issue with that?”

“They’re men, so they’re more valuable” (Y/N) rolled her eyes and put quotation marks around the word valuable, “They’re all just like my father.”

“Your mother”

“A weak woman. Sold to my dad like how my dad would sell me off. Are you going to ask me about my uncles next?”

This time Tommy rolled his eyes but he took a seat next to her, “So, who is this man?”

“No clue” (Y/N) shrugged, “I’m guessing one of my father’s men or you know, one of the men of my father’s men”

“What do you plan on doing with him?” Tommy asked as he pulled out a couple of cigarettes and lit them, giving on to (Y/N), which she gratefully accepted.

“It depends on what information he knows and what he has shared, but I’ll probably have to kill him”

“Have you ever killed someone before?”

“Nope” (Y/N) sent Tommy a grin, “But you have”

.•° ✿ °•.

The man awoke with a sputtered cough before squirmed on the floor, trying to get up until he realised he had been tied up. He rolled on to his back and craned his head so that he was looking at Tommy and (Y/N)

“Release me!”

(Y/N) stood up and crushed her cigarette underneath her shoe before walking over to the man and stood over him.

“I have questions first”

“Fuck you!” The man cursed the language of (Y/N)’s home country.

“Ah!” (Y/N) grinned, “You speak the language, so I’m guessing my father sent you”

“I’m not the only one he sent” The man spat, “There’s about a hundred in England looking for you. Hundred in America and Australia too. No matter where you go, we’ll find you”

“Of course. I know that but I’m not particularly concerned about that, I’m more curious about you.”

“Me?”

(Y/N) nods, “You.”

Tommy watched the interaction with interest. He had no clue what they were saying but he assumed that (Y/N) was pressing the man for information and truthfully speaking, he found it kind of hot. 

“It was my father who sent you, correct?”

The man nodded, “Whoever finds you and brings you back gets a seat on his council and your hand in marriage”

(Y/N) scoffed and rolled her eyes and then turned to Tommy, “My father is offering a seat on his council and my hand in marriage to whoever finds me and brings me to him. Interested?”

Tommy snorted, “Does the marriage come with a nice house in your country?”

“Hmm, I’d have to ask”

“Does the marriage come with a nice house?”

This time the man actually spat at her causing her to flinch back and wiped her face with her sleeve with a grimace.

“Okay, enough joking around. How did you find me?”

“London! A bunch of us were stationed there but I’m the only one who spotted you” The man had switched to English.

“Did you tell anyone that you were coming here to get me?”

“No. If I did, I would already be dead.” The man shook his head, “You don’t get a joint prize if you join up with someone.”

“So no one knows you’re here?”

“No”

“...Good”

(Y/N) turned away from the man and walked back to Tommy, “I need a favour”

Tommy raised a knowing brow, “What do I get in return?”

“My undying gratitude?”

“Okay,” Tommy nods, “What’s your plan?”

“Luckily, he hasn’t told anyone about Small Heath but if we let him go, he could tell anyone.”

“So we kill him.”

“...We do”

The man started to scream in protest at their words, moving about erratically, trying his hardest to escape from his restraints. 

“Shut up!” (Y/N) shouted at the man

“I’ll get Uncle Charlie to sail down to London and dump his body there, we don't need any unnecessary attention.”

“Your Uncle Charlie would be okay with that?” (Y/N) found that hard to believe.

“No, but he’ll do it anyway.”

“So,” (Y/N) sighed, “How do we get him you wherever your Uncle Charlie is?”

“Knock him out I suppose”

“...I left my brick in the alleyway”

That caused Tommy to snigger. Their current situation wasn’t a laughable one but somehow (Y/N) had managed to make him laugh. He pushed himself up to his feet and pulled his gun out from his holster and made his way over to the frantic man. 

He climbed on to the man, legs on either side of his body and then gripped the gun by its barrel before he raised his hand up and struck down with strength, hitting the man with the butt of his gun and rendering him unconscious.

The man became limp and Tommy climbed off and tucked his gun away, “That should do it”

“Alright”

Tommy hooked his arms underneath the man’s like before and started to drag him out of the building with (Y/N) leading the way to Charlie’s yard. Once they arrived, Tommy dragged the man to the edge of the dock.

“Charlie!” Tommy shouted into the night, “Uncle Charlie!”

Moments later an older man hobbled out into the yard, “Jesus Christ, Tom. The sun hasn’t even fully risen yet”

Realising how much time had passed, (Y/N) looked up at the sky and saw the sun just starting to rise and suddenly, all at once, a wave of tiredness waved over her and she was exhausted.

“I need a favour” 

“What now?” Charlie grumbled

“I need him dumped in London.” Tommy kicked at the man at his feet

Charlie looked down at the body with what could almost be described as negative interest, “He’s dead then is he?”

“Just knocked out.”

“I’m not going to kill him” Charlie protested, “It’ll take four days to get London anyhow and I won’t have a dead rotting body as I go down”

Tommy was silent as he thought about what to do, 

“I’ll go down but I’ll take Curly.”

Charlie nodded, “Alright, I’ll go get him.”

When he left, (Y/N) tugged Tommy to the side and placed her hands on his chest, looking up at him, “You don’t have to do this you know? This is too much for me to ask”

“Hey” Tommy took her chin in his fingers, “Don’t worry, I want to do this.”

“...Thank you” (Y/N) gripped his coat, “Come back to me”

Tommy pressed a soft kiss to her lips, “I will”

.•° ✿ °•.

(Y/N) was on edge for the rest of the week, constantly looking over her shoulder for any suspicious men along with walking around Tommy’s office and Watery Lane for any sight of the man but she didn’t see the man until just over a week since the last time she saw him.

It was late at night when she heard a knock on the door and she scrambled to open it, knowing that it could only possibly be Tommy.

When she opened the door, she threw herself into his arms, arms tight around his neck, “You’re okay”

“Did you think I died?”

“Something like that, now come in”

As Tommy settled himself on her couch, (Y/N) makes them with a drink before she joined him, 

“How did everything go?”

“Quick, easy, no need for concern”

“H-How did you do it?”

“Stuffed him full of alcohol and then pushed him overboard” Tommy filled her in

“Smart, if they find him then they’ll just assume he drunk too much and accidentally fell off a bridge or something”

“...Are you safe now?”

(Y/N) gave him a small smile, “For now. They’ll realise he’s been missing or dead soon enough and there still will be a group of people after me but for now, I am safe.”

Tommy’s hand slipped into hers, “I’ll protect you”

“You don’t need to”

“I want to” 

.•° ✿ °•.

Months passed without any sort of drama from her end though the same could not be said for Tommy. He had been getting involved in all sorts of business and trouble, something that his Aunt Polly deeply disapproved with but Tommy did what Tommy did, which was whatever he wanted.

That morning, Tommy had gone to the funeral of his brother-in-law along with the rest of his family, leaving (Y/N) alone in Small Heath for the day. Tasked with setting up the pub that morning, (Y/N) made her way to the pub but the sight of two women in black pushing baby prams had stopped her in her steps and she watched as they left them by the doors before running away.

Concerned, she made her way towards the prams but before she could get too close, she was thrown back by the blast of the explosion. Her body hit the cobblestone street with a harsh whack, leaving her dazed. 

Once the ringing in her ears had faded and she could open her eyes without immediately wanting to throw up, (Y/N) pushed herself up so that she was sitting up straight and watched as the Garrison burned and tears of heartbreak mixed with her tears of pain.

Soon the streets were filled with policemen and firefighters as they worked together to put out the fire and clear up the area and she watched them as she held a handkerchief that Moss gave her, to the cut on her cheek. Her heart hurt as she looked at what remained of the Garrison, the pub had meant a lot to her and seeing it being reduced to nothing stung, (Y/N) returned back to her flat, unable to take anymore.

Not long after, two cars pulled up the Garrison and the Shelby’s spilt out, Tommy and Polly leading them.

“It happened at, uh, exactly 7 a.m. Only one person saw anything. Our patrols were not in the area.” Moss informed them.

“Who saw it?” Polly asked as she looked at the building.

Moss looked at his notepad, “One of the barmaids, (Y/N). She was also caught up in the blast”

Tommy spun on his heel at the mention of (Y/N)’s name and stalked over to Moss, “What happened to her?”

Moss looked over his shoulder, “She was over there but I guess she must have gone home”

Tommy strode away from the Garrison, ignoring the shouts from Polly as he made his way towards (Y/N)’s flat. He knocked on her door before he walked in, knowing that she rarely locks it during the day.

He found her wrapped in her blankets on her bed, staring mindlessly through her window. Tommy sat on the edge of the bed and placed a hand on her leg,

“You alright?”

(Y/N) let out a wet laugh, “Not really”

“Moss said you got hurt”

“Hmm, the blast flung me back but I’ll be fine. My body will ache and I’ll have a killer headache for a few days but I’ll be fine”

“Look at me”

(Y/N) turned to face him, slightly crawling out of her blanket cocoon and Tommy took her face in his hands, his thumb tracing just underneath her cut.

“What happened?”

“There were two women, in black and they were pushing prams and just left them by the door. I went over but they exploded before I could get too close”

“Did your upbringing not teach you to not go looking at things that are suspicious?” Tommy chided

“I thought there were actual kids in the prams and they had been abandoned”

Tommy didn’t say anything but a look of understanding overcame his face, “I guess that makes sense”

“Not one thing made sense about this place since I arrived. Not one”

“I’ll give you that” Tommy agreed with her

“What’s your plan with the Garrison then?”

“Fix it up.” Tommy sighed as he stood up, knowing that he couldn’t stay with her for any longer “I’ll give you some money until you’re able to get back to work”

(Y/N) smiled at him, “Thank you. You going?”

Tommy nodded at her, “Got business.”

He gave her a kiss on the cheek before he left and it wasn’t until he was halfway to his location, did he realise that he’s never done something like that before.

 .•° ✿ °•.

The reopening night of the Garrison was a big one and when stepped through the doors, she noted the stark differences with a frown tugging at her lips. The walls were gold and the curtains were red, the chandeliers were grand but it wasn’t the Garrison.

She gave pleasant smiles to those she came across as she made her way towards the back of the bar, the place where she felt the most comfortable. Arthur was also there and she could tell he was on something due to his erratic behaviour but she didn’t mention it to him, only giving him a wave as she wrapped the apron around her waist.

She was quickly swept up with taking orders and making drinks that she didn’t realise that Tommy had reached her until he placed his hand on her hip,

“What do you think aye?” He tried to speak over the loud music

(Y/N) stepped to the side to somewhere slightly quieter and pulled Tommy with her, “It’s certainly something”

Tommy frowned at her, “You don’t like it?”

(Y/N) sighed before she dragged Tommy to a room at the back so they could have complete privacy, “I don’t hate it and obviously I’m very happy to be back at work but the Garrison looks like it belongs in London rather than Small Heath”

“We’re moving up”

“You are but not everyone else in Small Heath is. Obviously, it’s too late to do anything about it now but in the future, remember you’re in Small Heath and not in London.”

Tommy moved so that there were only mere centimetres between them, “Sometimes, I forget who’s the one who grew up here and who’s the one who arrived a year ago between us”

(Y/N) grinned at him, “What can I say, the town of Small Heath is special to me”

“Want to get out of here?” Tommy asked with a raised brow

“I’m sure Arthur can handle the bar by himself” (Y/N) said as she reached for his hand, allowing him to pull her out of the pub.

.•° ✿ °•.

 It wasn’t until a month after the reopening of the pub did (Y/N) realise what her fooling around with Tommy had resulted in. After she had connected the dots herself, she had made her way to Watery Lane to find the person who could confirm it for her along with giving her some solid advice. 

She made her way into the house of Watery Lane first rather than entering the betting den, hoping that Polly was there instead of her office. 

Tommy had told her about the betting den and his illegal business not long after the incident with the man who had followed her and she did not judge, as it would be hypocritical if she did but she understood the reasoning behind what he did for a living but she still hadn’t visited the actual den itself.

Luckily for her, Polly was in the kitchen of the house and (Y/N) slipped into the seat opposite her, 

“I need your...expertise” 

Polly put down her cup of tea and looked her up and down before she reached out and placed her hand on (Y/N)’s stomach before moving up to her breast, “You’re pregnant, I’d say two, maybe three months”

(Y/N) sunk back in her chair and released a huff, she didn’t know what to do.

“I’m guessing it’s Tommy's,” Polly said as she made them both a cup of tea.

“Who else's would it be?” (Y/N) scoffed.

“Do you want to keep it?” Polly asks as she sets down the two teacups on the table.

“Hmm, I think I do but I’ll have to talk to Tommy. If he doesn’t want anything to do with it, I’ll guess I’ll have to leave Small Heath,”

“Listen, I don’t know the in’s and out’s of whatever you have going on between you two but I do know my nephew. He cares about you deeply and he’s not the type of man to abandon his child.”

“Do you know where he is?”

“Last I heard, Charlie’s Yard”

(Y/N) stands up with a nod, “Alright, thank you”

As she made her way to Charlie’s Yard, (Y/N) thought of how she could tell Tommy the news. There was no point dragging it out and Tommy was someone who liked to get straight to the information but she was nervous either way. 

She pushed open the gates and made her way to where Charlie and Curly were, “Hello Charlie, Curly.”

Curly stuttered out a greeting and Charlie nodded at her.

“Is Tommy around? I’d heard he was here”

“You just missed him, he went to the Garrison” Charlie informed her.

(Y/N) nodded in thanks and quickly scurried away before she could hear the second sentence.

“But he’s with a woman…” Charlie finished as he watched (Y/N) run away.

(Y/N) hurried to the Garrison, annoyed that she had to run around Small Heath just to find one man and it didn’t help that the news she was carrying was heavy. Finally arriving, she called out his name as she pushed open the door,

“Tommy?! You better be here otherwise-oh” (Y/N) paused at the sight of Tommy with a woman at the bar.

“I thought you weren’t working today?”

“I’m not, I wanted to speak to you and was told I’d find you here but you’re obviously busy, so I’ll leave you alone” 

Tommy nodded in understanding and just as (Y/N) was turning to leave the other woman stood forward and offered her hand, 

“I’m May. May Carleton.”

(Y/N) glanced over to Tommy, taken off guard but he continued drinking his drink so (Y/N) shook May’s hand, “(Y/N). Nice to meet you”

“Just (Y/N)? No last name?”

“I don’t have one.” (Y/N) gave May one last polite smile before she left.

May stared after her for a few more moments before she turned to Tommy, “She’s not serious right? What is her last name?”

Tommy gave may a shrug, “If she has one, she hasn’t told me”

.•° ✿ °•.

“Right, what’s wrong?” Tommy asked as he stepped into her flat later that evening.

“Uhm okay, I’m just going to get it right out”

Tommy watched as she paced in front of him, whatever she had to tell him was clearly weighing heavily on her mind and he didn’t push her over getting it over and done with.

“Tommy,...I’m pregnant”

Tommy stared at her in shock. Out of all the things he guessed she would tell him, that wasn’t one of them.

“I know this isn’t what we planned or anything and I’ll completely understand if you don’t want anything to do with it but I want to keep it” (Y/N) rushed out in one breath.

“(Y/N), I don’t want you to get rid of it and I want to be involved” Tommy pulled (Y/N) into his embrace, “We’ll raise this child together. You and me.”

(Y/N) looked up at him with tears in her eyes, “Really?”

“Really. We’ll do it.”

(Y/N) wrapped her arms around Tommy tighters and cried into his shoulder and he let her, rubbing his hand up and down her back in hopes it comforted her.

“I was so scared”

“I know. It’s okay.”

They were wrapped up in each other’s embrace for a while before Tommy moved them over to the couch,

“Have you been to the doctor?” Tommy asked

“I went to Polly. Practically the same thing”

Tommy agreed, there were moments where he trusted Polly’s opinion and help over a doctors.

“What did she say?”

“Two months, maybe three”

“I know you went to Polly but I want you to go to the doctor, just to make sure”

(Y/N) nods in agreement, “I will.”

.•° ✿ °•.

One day, almost two months after (Y/N) found out she was pregnant, Tommy picked her up from her flat and took her for a drive. He wouldn’t tell her where they were going but he reassured her that she would like it.

Recently, they were at odds with each other with Tommy wanting (Y/N) to stop working entirely and (Y/N) being totally against it, so she assumed that perhaps he was trying to butter her up.

“You’re not trying to do something so that I’ll forgive you?” (Y/N) asked him.

“No, you can still be as mad as you want, I’m not going to stop you.”

“So the surprise had nothing to do with it?”

“Nope,” Tommy said as he pulled a tie out of his pocket and gave it to her, “Wrap it around your eyes”

(Y/N) did so without arguing and a minute later they pulled up to a stop and Tommy went over to the passenger side of the car to help her out. He kept his grip on her arm as he leads her forward before they stopped.

“You ready?”

(Y/N) nodded, “Yes”

“You can take off the tie”

(Y/N) gasped at what she stood in front of. It was a house, though that was being generous, it was massive and as (Y/N) looked around her in shock, she also realised that they were surrounded by copious amounts of land. 

“What’s this?” 

“This” Tommy walked towards her, “Is our house”

“Ours? All of it?”

Tommy grinned at her, “All it and all of this land as well. There’s also a stable round back”

“You had to make it worth your while as well, huh?” (Y/N) teased him

“Want to look inside?”

“Can we?”

Tommy offered his arm and (Y/N) took it and allowed him to lead her inside. 

The interior was just as grand as the exterior and (Y/N) had fallen love with the place, it was perfect for them, yet also brought back some memories. 

“You know, this reminds me of my house back home. It was bigger since it had to satisfy my father’s ego but it never felt like home, not like the way my flat does.”

“This will be different, this will be a home where our child will grow up and they won’t grow up as we did”

(Y/N) nodded reassured.

“I know you want to work for as long as you can and I know I can’t stop you but when you’re ready you can move in here”

(Y/N) was grateful that Tommy gave her space and he understood her because she knew she would go crazy just staying at the house and doing nothing whilst she was still pregnant. When the baby arrived, it would be a different story.

.•° ✿ °•.

When (Y/N) could no longer bend down to collect glasses due to her bump, she knew she had to throw in the towel and stop working. Harry had her working on the books for the most part while she occasionally did bar work but she had reached her limit with her feet swollen and her back constantly aching.

Truthfully the reason why she was having such a difficult time leaving her job was that she did not know when she would be able to return. She enjoyed working at the Garrison and interacting with the locals but once she had the child she would have to put that on pause as she raised her child. She could have a nanny but that was how she was raised and she did not like that. 

She made her into Tommy’s office, pausing by Lizzie’s desk to see if he was free before entering. He didn’t look up from his papers when she entered but he did give her a greeting which she returned as she took a seat.

“I’ve decided to hang up my apron” She announces to him.

This makes Tommy look up, “Yeah?”

“I can’t reach the glasses, my ankles are swollen and I have a constant need to go toilet” (Y/N) complained, “If I knew how terrorising pregnancy would be, I wouldn’t have gotten pregnant”

“Want me to call you a driver?”

“Please, I need a nap” Their bed was calling to (Y/N)

Tommy reached for the phone on his desk and called for a driver for her and as (Y/N) watched him, she realised how domesticated it was. Though in many ways, they were too, they lived together, shared a bed and (Y/N) was pregnant with their child but they weren’t in any sort of official relationship of any kind. She would have thought that Tommy would have suggested that they got married for the sake of the child but he hadn’t even brought it up. 

She had thought about talking to him about it but her fears quickly overtook her whenever she built up the courage and though it frustrated her, she had more important things to worry about.

.•° ✿ °•.

Childbirth was an experience unlike any other and (Y/N) had to wonder how her mother did it five times but at the end when she held her daughter in her arms, she had never felt happier. It was, in fact, the best day of her life.

Tommy was sitting next to her on the bed, a similar smile on his face. He had never thought that he would become a parent but now that he was one, he found that all of his love was directly for one tiny human and their mother and he had something to live for. He wasn’t afraid of death but now he wouldn’t go throwing himself into situations where he could die and leave his family behind. 

“What should we name her?” He asked

“I like the name Isla.”

“Isla Mary Shelby”

(Y/N) looked up at him, “Is Mary your mother’s name?”

Tommy nodded and (Y/N) smiled at him, 

“I like that, it suits her. Isla Mary Shelby”

.•° ✿ °•.

Life with a newborn was hard and even though they had nannies on hand to help out, (Y/N) still had reservations on relying on them but slowly she was working towards something that worked for her. 

The rest of the Shelby family were just as enamoured with Isla as her parents were and so Polly and Ada were regular visitors. (Y/N) in particular was very grateful for Polly’s presence, the woman always had the best advice and the woman would practically be the closest thing to a grandparent Isla would have.

As (Y/N) unlearned the behaviours of her own parents, so did Tommy. They did not want to become their parents and it took a lot of reassurance and from each other to make sure that they were doing the right thing, they weren't perfect but there was no such thing.

One day, when Isla was a few months old, Tommy brought up the elephant in the room; their marriage or much rather, their lack of one. They were outside, enjoying the warm weath of the summer, watching the horses in the field when he spoke up.

“One day, we’ll get married” He spoke out of the blue, linking their fingers together, “I’m not just saying that so that Isla is safe incase anything happens to me but I do love you and I do want to get married to you”

(Y/N) squeezed his hand, “Is this you proposing to me?”

“Yeah, it is”

Tommy pulled a ring box from out of his pocket and opened it and in there rested a gorgeous ring. He plucked the ring out of the box and held it out to her, 

“(Y/N), will you marry me?”

(Y/N)’s lips pulled into a bright smile as she nodded, “Of course, I will.”

Tommy slipped the ring on her finger and pulled her into a kiss. (Y/N) gushed over the ring as she pulled Tommy into hug, 

“I know our relationship is unconventional but I know we’re meant for each other” 

“We’re good to each other,” Tommy agreed. 

“I want to do it when she’s older though, so she can be the flower girl” (Y/N) says as she runs her fingers over Isla’s head, smiling at the little girl’s coos. 

“A year or two then”

(Y/N) nods before she brings him into another kiss.

“What is your last name?” Tommy asks

“Does it matter? I am to be a Shelby” (Y/N) replied as she admired her ring.

“I suppose it doesn’t”

.•° ✿ °•.

Just as promised, two years later, Tommy and (Y/N) were getting married. The wedding ceremony would be taking place in a nearby church whilst the reception would be held at their house. 

(Y/N) slipped her wedding dress on with the help of Polly whilst, Ada touched up her makeup. 

“Nervous?” Polly asked as she did the buttons of the back of her dress

“No” (Y/N) said as she watched her daughter through the mirror, “It’s been a long time coming.”

Polly patted her shoulders, “You’re good to go.”

(Y/N) gave her one last smile before she made her way over to her daughter.

“Hi princess, you ready?” (Y/N) asked

Isla was already dressed as she sat on the floor, playing her dolls, with a cute hair clip that matched her dress.

“We see daddy?”

“Uh-huh” (Y/N) nodded, smiling when Isla jumped up and took her hand. 

As she had no family to walk her down the aisle, John had stepped up and offered his arm, which she gratefully took. Isla toddled down first, throwing handfuls of petals out of her little basket down to the floor before she hurried over to wrap her arms around her father’s legs giving him a quick hug before Polly scooped her up.

Then, (Y/N) and John walked down and (Y/N) could not keep her eyes off of Tommy. He had a straight face but that did not fool her in any way, she knew he wanted the wedding as much as she did.

The ceremony sped by and before she knew it, (Y/N) was walking back down the aisle but this time her arm was in Tommy’s and their friends and family were cheering and throwing petals at them as they left the church. 

They stopped at the steps as they waited for the rest of their family to join them and they took the moment to have half a second of alone time.

“I told you we should have gotten married just by ourselves with an officiant.” Tommy muttered underneath his breath.

“I don’t plan on having another wedding, do you? I want this to be a day I remember for the rest of my life” (Y/N) responded, “Now, please don’t frown, you’re worse than Isla.”

Tommy rolled his eyes at the reminder that his daughter took after him in many ways but relaxed his face as the rest of their family joined them and took their places for the picture. 

.•° ✿ °•.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t know they would do this”

(Y/N) jumped when Tommy suddenly stormed into the room she was in, a newspaper clenched in his hands.

“Huh? What are you on about?”

Tommy gave her the newspaper before he began to angrily pace in front of her. (Y/N) looked down at the newspaper and her stomach dropped at the headline and the picture from their wedding day below it;

‘Thomas Shelby OBE MP marries wife in small wedding in Warwickshire’

“What the fuck…” 

“They must have snuck in with the other photographer” Tommy theorised, “It’s a national paper”

“Oh Tommy,” (Y/N) sighed, “Is this today’s paper?”

Tommy shook his head, “Yesterday’s”

“Then it is too late” (Y/N) whimpered, “They know where I am and they’ll be here to get me”

“It’s been what, three, four years since you ran away, would they still care?”

“It doesn’t matter how long it’s been, they won’t stop until I’m back or dead. I defied them and they’ll never forgive me”

Tommy dropped to his knees in front of her, “They won’t I promise you that.”

“If this is yesterday's paper then they could be here already. It’s too late.”

“I have men here, we can take him”

(Y/N) shook her head in denial, “Not if they get my father or brothers”

“They’ll take a couple of weeks for them to get there, we can plan in that time.”

“No, Tommy” (Y/N) sounded defeated, “No offence, but your Peaky Boys have nothing on my fathers men and we’re isolated out here”

“Have you given up?” Tommy was in disbelief, “Have you given up on living? Given up on your daughter who sleeps upstairs?! That’s not who you are!”

“You don’t know them! They will kill all of us except me if we try to fight back and they will torture me with that fact. If I go to them without a fight, then you can live!”

“No. I refuse.” 

“You refuse?” (Y/N) couldn’t help but laugh

“We go on the run. Escape to America until it’s all blown over”  

“They’ll find us there and it’ll repeat until they get me”

Tommy released a frustrated sigh as he paced to the other side of the room and pour himself a large class of whiskey,

“I refuse to simply allow you to give yourself up to them. Isla needs her mother and I need my wife. You said you didn’t want to be the type of parents yours were but what you have planned, is simply no better.”

“Then what do you suggest?” (Y/N)’s voice was quiet but there was an edge to it.

“We go back to Small Heath, we gather our men and we plan.”

(Y/N) took a deep breath and nodded, “We do not give up”

Tommy pulled her into a hug, “We do not”

.•° ✿ °•.

They had temporarily moved back to Small Heath and Tommy and gathered all of the family but as (Y/N) refused to let anyone get too involved or close, the brunt of the plan laid on her shoulders.

It had almost been a month and nothing had happened which meant that her family was coming or she had managed to get away with it but they were still on edge and weren’t willing to put their guards down. Tommy had Moss keep an eye out along with Alfie Solomons sending information about what was happening in London. According to him, (Y/N)’s father’s men had paid for spies across the city and that they knew they were in Birmingham.

Their intuition was right when one day they had received a call from Moss about two cars heading into Small Heath and (Y/N) knew her family had finally arrived. Not wanting to bring the confrontation to the streets of Small Heath, Tommy and (Y/N) drove to the edge and met them there but they weren’t completely alone, Tommy had gun men placed around the area which gave them a little advantage but there was no knowing what her family had planned. 

If things went south and neither (Y/N) or Tommy survived then Ada was instructed to escape to America with Karl and Isla and (Y/N) could only hope that wouldn’t happen.

They stood in silence as they waited for the family to arrive but when (Y/N) spotted them, she pulled Tommy into a kiss and hug,

“I love you, never forget that.” She whispers to him.

“I won’t”

They pulled apart when the cars pulled to a stop and turned to face the men who stepped out. 

An older man stepped out first, before four younger men climbed out after him. (Y/N) could not help herself as she ran her eyes over her family, looking at what had changed since she last saw them.

“Father. Brothers” She greeted as they stood to a stop opposite her and Tommy.

The youngest brother, the one closest in age to her tipped his head in greeting whilst everyone else glared at her. 

“Daughter. I see you decided to make the correct decision and give yourself up.”

(Y/N) snorted and shook her head, “I have not. I will not”

“Do not be foolish sister,” Her eldest brother takes a step forward, “Don’t you realise how worried we’ve been? We’ve been searching for you for year, only to find out you’ve been here in this...shithole”

Her brother looked around in disgust as he finished his sentence.

“Drop the act. I’m not here to play games.” (Y/N) was tired already, “I’m not leaving with you, so what’s your plan?”

“You don’t have a choice. I set up a marriage between you and my closest man, you know he has spent all these years travelling across the globe looking for you? He deserves a reward”

(Y/N) pulled a face at her fathers words, “First of all, I am not a reward, I am a human being. Second, he must have not been looking very hard considering I ended up being ousted by a newspaper and thirdly, I’m already married and I don’t plan on getting married again”

Her second eldest brother snarled at her, “You’ve grown a backbone sister. We’ll have to beat it out of you”

This caused Tommy to finally step forward and cleared his throat, “I can’t let you to do that”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“I’m her husband” Tommy gestured towards (Y/N) and she could see that he enjoyed it.

“Enough!” (Y/N)’s father stepped forward, “No more arguing, I’ll give you one last chance or we’ll take you by force”

(Y/N)’s shoulders slumped, “Why don’t you leave me alone? Go back and just forget about me”

“No one will take us seriously, if we don’t make an example out of you, then we’ll be seen as a joke.”

“I won't go and you cannot force me to and I’d much rather die than go anywhere with you”

Her father pulled out his gun and her brothers quickly followed which caused Tommy to do the same and the air was thick with tension. 

“No, no, no if she wants to die then I’ll be the one to kill her.” Her father waved at her brothers and they put their guns away.

(Y/N) looked at Tommy and gave him a nod, and Tommy nodded back knowing the meaning behind the look and he put his gun away too. (Y/N) made her way to her father and when she was close enough, he reached out and pulled her towards him and jabbed his gun underneath her jaw.

“This is the end, daughter, you brought this upon yourself” Her father growled

“This is the end, but not for me”

(Y/N) pulled the gun she had been hiding in her waistband of her trousers and pressed it against her father’s chest. She didn’t even give him a moment to realise what was happening before she pulled the trigger, shooting her father in the chest.

He staggered back in shock before (Y/N) pushed him and causing him to fall backwards, landing on the floor with a thump,

“Fuck you!” (Y/N) spat in her native language. 

One of her brothers came running at her and she pointed the gun at him, stopping him in her tracks, “I’ll kill you too, don’t fucking try me”

“Go back to your home and never return.” Tommy stepped forward.

(Y/N)’s brothers looked between each other before (Y/N) spoke again, “Leave. Take his body and go back. Never come back here or try to find me.”

Her eldest brother motioned for the youngest two to take the body of their father while he cursed at her, 

“We’ll never forgive you and you’ll pay for your crimes in the afterworld”

“I’ll meet you there and we can pay for our crimes together”

Her brother growled her one last time before he got into the car and sped off. Once (Y/N) could no longer see them, she turned and collapsed into Tommy’s arms, a massive weight finally lifted off of her.

“You did it!” Tommy pulled away and smiled at her, “You did it, you wonderful woman”

(Y/N) let out a soft, “I did, didn’t I?”

Tommy took her gun and whistled, signalling for the men stationed around they could come down before he began to lead her towards the car, 

“Want a drink?”

“Several but before that I want to see my daughter, go back to Arrow House and take a hot bath”

“Whatever you want”

.•° ✿ °•.

The shouts of children filled the gardens of Arrow House along with the chattering of adults and (Y/N) felt the last of the weight of her shoulders disappear. She had always been worried that her family would find her but now that they were truly gone, she could live without worry.

It was Isla’s third birthday and her and Tommy had decided to throw a party to celebrate it. Her and a group of local children were running around whilst the parents and other adults were sitting around enjoying the warm summer air and cool drinks. 

Tommy crept up behind (Y/N) and wrapped one of his arms around her waist and gave her a kiss on her cheek, “You okay?”

(Y/N) gave him a smile and a nod, “I’m great”

“Mama!” Isla came running up to her, arms raised, “Up pwease!”

(Y/N) did as she was asked and lifted her daughter up, “What’s up princess?”

“Cake?”

“Hmm, I don’t know. What do you think, dad?” (Y/N) turned to Tommy with a smile 

Isla turned to her father and put on her biggest puppy dog eyes, “Pwease dada!”

Tommy put on a show as if he was seriously debating on what to do, “Only if I get a hug from the birthday girl”

(Y/N) almost dropped Isla from how sudden she tried to get out of her arms and into her fathers but she helped her climb over and watched as she gave Tommy a tight hug with an added kiss on the cheek. 

“Cake now?”

“Alright, go get your friends and we’ll go get the cake?” Tommy put her down and watched as she ran off to her friends. 

“She’s growing up too fast” (Y/N) pouted as they walked inside, “In no time she’ll be spending most of her time at school” 

“If she’s anything like her mother, she’ll be fine” Tommy assured her.

(Y/N) sighed, “I know, but I’m still going to be sad. Now let’s get going otherwise our princess will come storming in here demanding to know what’s taking so long”

Tommy pulled (Y/N) to a stop just before they entered the kitchen and cupped her face, “I love you”

(Y/N) smiled at him, “I love you too”

[writingwithacupoftea]

Poison

Summary: When Y/N Shelby arrives back from a meeting with some potential business partners, her brothers, Tommy, notices that something isn’t quite right with her.  Hours later, the family are crowded around her bedside, while she lies on the brink of death.

Word Count: 3350 (ooh, that’s satisfying)

Trigger Warnings: vomiting and just generally being ill

A/N: My stubborn arse finally managed to finish this fic (even though I edited as little as possible so it’s quite long)!! Hope you like it 💜💜

The Shelby and Gray families were not ones for quiet - they brought chaos and noise with them wherever they went. But now, not a single member of the family could bring themselves to speak, the doctor's parting words circling around in their heads:

"It's not looking good, I'm afraid. If she wakes in the morning, then I think we can say that things are looking up. But I can't promise you that she will."

Tommy couldn't decide if the silence was a blessing or curse. He was beyond grateful not to have his younger sister's screams of agony echoing down the halls of Arrow House any more, but it seemed so unnatural: Y/N wasn't the loudest of the Shelby clan, but she was always there with a sarcastic quip, witty comeback, or words of comfort that none of her other siblings could ever quite get right.

Her brothers often said that she was the future of Shelby Company Limited - Y/N had a vision and was determined to see it through with Tommy's help, for even though they disagreed frequently, he couldn't deny that her ideas could be the making of the business in the modern world. Tommy was beyond proud of the woman that he raised after their bastard of a father left them. Yes, Arthur, John and Ada had helped him and Polly with raising their sister – but no one could deny that Tommy loved Y/N in a way that none of the others ever could.

Now, he and his brother were crowded around her bedside, helpless, wondering how they could have let this happen.  

The doctor suspected poison, and although he couldn't be sure which poison it was, Tommy knew exactly who had given it to his sister and let the guilt consume him.

***

Earlier that day...

"Tommy, do I seriously have to meet them by myself?" Y/N asked as she marched into her brother's office (without knocking, of course).

"I've told you, Y/N/N, I've got a meeting of my own to go to and I don't trust Arthur and John not to fuck things up even if you are there."  

She was meant to be having lunch with some potential business partners from America, but despite Tommy's reassurances that this deal would be of benefit for their future plans for the company, Y/N had a feeling that something wasn't right about them. When she'd mentioned her suspicions that the associates may not be as friendly as they appear, Tommy brushed her concerns aside as Polly raged on at him ("Thomas you're a fool if you don't listen to your sister now – it's her gypsy instinct and it's never wrong.")  

But still, Tommy insisted on going through with it. He wasn't backing down now.

~ ~ ~

When Y/N returned later that afternoon, Tommy watched in silence as she slumped down at her desk and put her head in her hands.

"That bad was it, eh?" Tommy questioned, jokingly.

"My head's pounding, Tom, don't fucking wind me up."

Arthur, who had heard the exchange, walked up to her, slamming a pile of work onto her desk. "Is our little Y/N becoming a lightweight?"

"Oh, piss off Arthur," the firmness in her voice surprising him, considering that she didn't lift her head up.

Luckily, Arthur took that as his cue to leave, but not before sending an amused look at Tommy, one that was not reciprocated. Instead, the second eldest brother furrowed his brows, all of his attention focused on his little sister, concern beginning to bubble inside of him. Not wanting to start any arguments, however, he simply settled with saying "We'll leave at about five o'clock if you're still feeling like shit, yeah? I just need to finish this first."

Y/N laughed, humourlessly, and gestured towards her newly acquired work. "I've got plenty to keep me busy, Tommy, don't worry."

"You know if you're really feeling -"

"No, Thomas." His sister cut him off abruptly. "I'm fine to work, it's just a headache. It'll go before I know it."

With that, she began reading the first document that Arthur had given to her, actively avoiding Tommy's eye.

~ ~ ~

A couple of hours later and Tommy, having been so consumed with his work, realised that he hadn't heard a peep from Y/N since she started working.  

Looking up, he immediately became aware that Y/N still wasn't back to her usual self. To anyone else, she simply looked hard at work, furiously making notes as she waded through her paperwork; but Tommy could see her discomfort from a mile off. The hand subconsciously rubbing her stomach, the occasional wince in pain, the fingers on her other hand massaging her temples.

Y/N didn't seem to notice anything as Tommy made his way past her desk to speak to John and Arthur. "Has she said anything to either of you?"

"Nah," Arthur replied, casually. "I didn't think I pissed her off that badly earlier though, so I don't know why. She just keeps ignoring everyone and won't fucking sit still."

This did absolutely nothing to qualm Tommy's worries.

John piped up, tentatively: "You don't think it's...you know?"

"No, I don't, John. So spit it out."

John lowered his voice to a whisper, glancing slightly over his shoulder to make sure that Y/N wasn't listening. "You don't think it's that time of the month, do you? She always get a bit cranky, doesn't she."

Tommy cleared his throat as Arthur looked at the ground awkwardly. "Yeah, he's got a point, Tom. Best not to ask any questions."

"Right." Tommy paused, before making his way back to his office.  

He mulled over his brothers' words. It was a reasonable explanation for her behaviour, but something just didn't sit right with it for Tommy. Y/N had always lived with him and over time he had developed an instinct for when that time of the month was meant to be, and this didn't fit the usual pattern.

Lost in his thoughts as he packed up his things, Tommy was taken by surprise when Y/N appeared in the doorway, a smile plastered on her face. "You ready to go, Tom?"

If Tommy had looked a bit closer, he would've seen that the smile was just a bit too bright to be genuine. He would've seen that it didn't quite reach her eyes, which looked tired and pained in themselves. But, in an unusual move for Thomas Shelby, his shock at seeing such a drastic change in his sister overtook everything else.

As they drove back to Arrow House, the sun beginning to set in the distance, Tommy thought to himself 'Maybe John and Arthur were right, for once. I'm just worrying too much.'

Upon their arrival home, the siblings' usual routine began: Y/N made her way up to her room, whilst Tommy headed straight for his study to carry on working after greeting Grace and Charlie.  

And so, the evening began as a fairly typical one...but Tommy would never forget that night for the rest of his life.

~ ~ ~

At 7 o'clock each night, either Y/N or Grace would barge into Tommy's study to drag him to dinner (otherwise they thought that he'd never eat). In actual fact, Tommy always knew when dinner was going to be, but he enjoyed their visits to come and fetch him – for once, Thomas Shelby enjoyed being looked after.  

Grace had left for the weekend to spend some time with friends, and so when 7 o'clock came and went without Tommy being disturbed by his sister, he began to worry. Remembering her headaches and discomfort in the office, he came to the quick conclusion that she must have fallen asleep and made his way upstairs to go and wake her.

Call it his instinct as her older brother, but Tommy just knew that something was off as he stood outside Y/N's bedroom. Opening the door and peering around it, he froze at the sight before him: his sister, collapsed on her bed, sweating profusely and mumbling incoherently to herself. Tommy rushed over, panic eclipsing him, "Y/N?"

As he brushed the loose strands of hair away from her face, Tommy felt the heat radiating from her. Having nursed his sister through many an illness during her lifetime, and therefore knowing exactly what to do (or so he hoped, for Tommy had never seen her quite this bad before), he jogged down the hallway to fetch a bowl of lukewarm water and a cloth from the bathroom.

But Tommy's plans to nurse his sister through the night himself were put to an abrupt end upon his return. Y/N was curled up in a tight ball, arms wrapped around her stomach as she groaned and grunted in pain, vomiting violently over the side of her bed.

"Mary, call the doctor NOW!" Tommy yelled over his shoulder before dashing to sit next to his sister on the bed, dampening the cloth and dabbing it to her forehead. "Y/N? Y/N, speak to me, love, what's wrong?"

Still he got no response. Y/N didn't even give any indication that she knew that he was there. Her moans of pain simply got louder and more agitated and Tommy couldn't bear it. He had always done everything that he could (and more) to keep any pain far, far away from his sister, and when it couldn't be prevented Tommy would stop at nothing to make things better for her. Even when she was a baby, and their mother was still alive, no one could separate Tommy from Y/N's side when she was sick or injured – he didn't trust that others wouldn't cause her to suffer further, and so Y/N remained under his watchful eye until she was back to full strength (and even then he was wary for a week or so afterwards).

So, for Tommy, seeing his beloved sister writhing in pain, not knowing what was wrong or how he could help, was complete and utter torture for him.

~ ~ ~

When Mary arrived upstairs to inform her employer that the doctor would arrive within ten minutes, she barely recognised him: hair messy, hands shaking and muttering tender words of comfort, the Thomas Shelby in front of her was far from the controlled man that she had become accustomed to dealing with. But the thing that shocked her the most came when the man looked up at her. Whilst the blue of his eyes had become less icy since his marriage and the birth of his son, these eyes were wild, frantic and displayed a boyish vulnerability that Mary had never even imagined. They were glazed with unshed tears, and yet this barrier did nothing to hide the whirlwind of emotions that were communicated through them. The overarching message that they conveyed was as clear as day: Thomas Shelby was frightened.

The man's voice, thick with emotion despite his attempts to compose himself, snapped her away from her thoughts. "Call the rest of the family. Explain what's happening. Tell them that they need get here as quickly as possible. Then see to it that Charlie's looked after for the night. I'll be staying here."

"Yes, Mr Shelby. Shall I send everyone straight up here?"

Tommy simply nodded, his attention already devoted to his sister once more.

~ ~ ~

The minutes that followed this interaction would forever haunt Tommy's memory.

Whilst Y/N appeared to have stopped being sick, her cries of pain continued to escalate, both in frequency and in volume. Each one pierced through Tommy like a dagger straight to his heart. He knew that nothing he was doing was helping her, and that the situation was completely out of his control, and Tommy hated it. His brain became like a cage, trapping him in his tormenting thoughts: 'You should have done something sooner...you've failed her...how can you ever claim to be a good brother again when you can't even ease her pain...this is your punishment...it's your fault...it's all your fault.'

Tommy clutched onto Y/N's hand like a lifeline, mopping her brow as sweat continued to spill from every pore and her groans became screams tearing from her throat.  

Just when he thought that things couldn't get any worse, the convulsions began

Sheer terror consumed Tommy as he watched Y/N's body jerk violently on the bed. Silent tears cascaded down his face as he sat there, completely helpless, trying not to breakdown himself. That was the last thing that Y/N needed. He knew that he should call Mary or one of the maids, but he couldn't bear to leave Y/N's side to do so. He felt almost paralysed with fear, the only movement he made being the kisses that he placed repeatedly to her knuckles in between his pleas of "You're going to be alright, sweetheart...I'm here...I love you..."

The doctor came rushing in just as the convulsions were dying down, and immediately shooed Tommy away. Had the circumstances been any different, Tommy would have questioned the tone that the doctor took with Tommy – no one dismissed Tommy Shelby like that (except for Aunt Polly). But the Shelby man didn't even register it in his desperation for his sister to be looked at, so that he knew what to do to help her. He just needed to do something to make things better for her.

Standing outside Y/N's bedroom door, he heard the low rumble of his family's voices. Going against every one of his instincts to stay in position outside of Y/N's room, he ran down the stairs to see his family.

John, Arthur, Ada, Finn, Michael and Polly, like Mary, were shocked by the version of Tommy that appeared before them. From this alone, they knew that things were bad. Despite Tommy's explanations, the sight of Y/N lying weakly in her bed took them by surprise. Y/N always seemed so strong and full of life, the light of the family, and the realisation struck everyone that they may be plunged into darkness in the next few hours.

***

"It's not looking good, I'm afraid. If she wakes in the morning, then I think we can say that things are looking up. But I can't promise you that she will."

The silence left behind in the room after the doctor's departure was deafening. He had given Y/N some injections of fuck knows what to stop the convulsions and ease her pain, but he didn't know what else to do. He'd never dealt with anything like this before.  

All the family could do was wait.

After some time to process the doctor's warning, each member slowly began to unfreeze, or so it seemed. Polly disappeared to the kitchen to make tea and sort out some food, although no one felt like eating. John called Esme, and afterwards Arthur rang Linda, informing their wives that they wouldn't be back at home until at least tomorrow – they couldn't leave their sister. Michael ventured down the corridor to fetch some more chairs. Ada went to tend to Charlie, and Finn went with her, sent with the task of updating Mary and telling her to go to bed.

That left Tommy. Tommy, who couldn't believe what was happening. Tommy, who knew that, despite his new family with Grace, he couldn't cope without Y/N.  

Tiredly, the second eldest of the Shelby clan moved to reposition himself next to Y/N on her bed, holding her small hand in his and observing the baby hairs which fell delicately in front of her face. She would always be his little girl, no matter how old and grey and feisty she became, and nothing would change that. He refused to let anything take her away from him before they reached that point, not even poison.

As he mulled this all over in his head, remarking to himself how much she'd grown up yet how little she'd changed, Finn came back into the room. Breaking the silence, the youngest brother tentatively asked "Will she be alright?"

When Tommy looked up at his younger brother, he realised that he wasn't the only one who was scared. Truthfully, Tommy hated not being able to give a straight answer, and simply replied "She's a fighter, Finn."

God knows, they all hoped that she wouldn't stop fighting now.

***

Hours dragged on like days. The slow rising of the early morning sun taunted Tommy. The brighter it became in that room, the more the chance of Y/N waking up again slipped through his fingers.

He was the only one who stayed awake for the entire night, despite Ada's pleas for him to rest and Polly's snaps of "You're going to be no use to her if you're dead on your feet." Even the occasional drooping of his eyelids couldn't persuade him to relent. Because he knew that the minute he gave into that temptation, something would happen and Tommy couldn't risk missing anything.  

Part of him had stayed awake in case Y/N needed anything or got worse; part of him stayed awake in case she herself woke up (he didn't want her being alone); and the final part of him, the part of Tommy that was shit scared of what was going to happen, wanted to spend every single moment with his little sister. Because he didn't know if one of them was going to be her last on this Earth.

Arthur and John woke up in the chairs next to Y/N's bed, and gradually the rest of the family came to join them.

Polly was the first to speak. "Has there been any change?"

Tommy didn't trust himself to say the words out loud, so responded by shaking his head and placing a kiss to the back of Y/N's hand, which he hadn't relinquished his hold on.

Whilst her skin was clammy to the touch, she was no longer sweating like before. Her breathing had evened out and the expression of discomfort that had marred her face had melted away: Y/N looked peaceful. To Polly and the rest of the family, this was a good sign, an indication that she was getting better. However, the thought lingered that this would make it easier for her to slip away undetected.

This was the most terrifying idea.

The morning continued to pass by: 9 o'clock, 10 o'clock, 11 o'clock...still nothing.

Everyone was becoming more and more agitated, the ticking of the clock doing nothing to ease the tension. Tommy had finally moved, deciding to pace up and down the limited space left in the room instead. Occasionally, someone would walk over to the window or run downstairs to get a new book. But still they waited, each member of the family united in their hope that Y/N would wake soon.

When the clock struck midday, that hope began to fade, even though no one would say it out loud; it could just be felt in the atmosphere.

However, when no one was looking, Y/N's eyes slowly crept open, squinting as the bright sunlight beamed through the window. Once her eyes had adjusted, she observed her family positioned around her room and noted the peace and quiet, even if Y/N could tell that it was tense. Internally, she sighed to herself 'No fucking fighting, at last.'

Her voice was croaky as she said quietly "How long are you guys gonna hover round my bed like a bunch of creepers, eh?"

The relief was immediate. As Arthur and John roared in excitement, shouting "SHE'S ONLY GONE AND FUCKING DONE IT," Tommy raced over and rested a hand on her cheek tenderly, their tired eyes meeting for the first time in hours. His eyes spoke of admiration and disbelief, whilst hers held only adoration for her big brother. Tommy placed a kiss to her forehead, and let a couple more tears fall.

"I love you, sweetheart."

"Love you, Tom." Y/N smiled softly. "Thank you for staying with me, I knew you were there the entire time."

"As if I could ever leave you, eh."

"Or I you, Tom."

And that was the simple and honest truth.

[nctsjiho]

Lost Boy

warnings: none

era: fall 2018

❀ JiHo and Winwin go on a little mission to find a lost child’s parents

“I don’t know who’s idea it was to leave an 18 year old and an awkward foreigner boy alone in a foreign country, but the idea doesn’t sound the brightest.” JiHo noted while she scanned her surroundings. Winwin took slight offence to the comment and pushed her arm. “Hey! I’m not awkward.” The girl only sent him a smirk before looking around again.

The pair were outside in a less busy area of LA, while their manager went inside a store to grab some essentials. Normally something like that wouldn’t be allowed by the company so the manager had made JiHo and Winwin promise they wouldn’t tell anyone about it. Of course JiHo took advantage of the situation by requesting the manager would buy them some snacks - which also wasn’t allowed during JiHo’s diet, but the manager had to choose between potentially loosing his job, or just getting told of for letting JiHo break her diet. The decision was easily made.

While Winwin and JiHo immersed themselves in a casual conversation, JiHo suddenly felt a tug at her jacket. A little shocked at the unexpected movement, the girl looked down to see a small boy looking up at her. He must have only been around 5 years old, which made JiHo confused about who would let such a young child alone. But by the looks of the boy’s wide and teary eyes, it was definitely a case of a lost child, probably scared out of his mind.

JiHo’s features immediately softened, not wanting her underlying panic and concern for the boy affect the kid. “Hey little guy, what are you doing here alone?” JiHo asked in English and crouched down so she was at eye level with him. The little boy, however, didn’t respond. His lips were slightly trembling and his tears pooled at the corner of his eyes.

Winwin, who felt as shocked to see the lost child, crouched down as well and when the boy faced him he waved. “Hello.” He greeted in Korean, which had JiHo roll her eyes. “You weirdo, he doesn’t understand Korean. We’re in America.” She scolded, hitting her friend’s arm lightly. “You don’t know that.” Winwin retaliated. 

Before JiHo could fire back, the “arguing” friends heard a little giggle from the young boy. They both looked at the boy with smiles growing on their faces. “We sound funny don’t we?” JiHo asked and the young boy nodded, causing JiHo to laugh. She quickly translated to Winwin who found it endearing as well.

“What’s your name?” “Jonas.” The boy started to feel shy and casted his gaze on the floor. “Hi Jonas.” Winwin’s sweet tone completely stole the young boy’s heart as he now confidently smiled at Winwin. “No matter where we are, no matter who it is, everyone always falls in love with you.” JiHo snickered to which the older boy shrugged and then continued to wave at Jonas.

“What happened Jonas? Where are your parents?” The boy looked up at JiHo before explaining that they were with him at the park nearby and then suddenly he couldn’t see them anymore. “Did you cross the street all by yourself?” Jonas nodded as his eyes began to fill with even more tears. “Hey, don’t cry. We’ll go find your parents, but you should never cross the street by yourself okay?” Again the boy nodded and JiHo stood up.

Not really understanding what JiHo had just said, Winwin followed her lead and stood up as well. “What are we doing?” Winwin asked and JiHo’s eyes fell on the store their manager walked into about 5 minutes ago. “We’re going to find Jonas’ parents.” She looked at the small boy who was holding onto her hand and looking around the street, hoping to find his parents.

Winwin felt a bit uneasy, even though he wanted to help the child, their manager had no idea what was happening and had “ordered” them to wait outside and not move until he was back. JiHo noticed her friend’s inner turmoil and groaned. “If I have to I’ll go alone, but I’m not letting a kid go and find his parents alone in the late afternoon.” “But can’t we wait till hyung is back and go together?” Winwin tried to compromise. “We don’t know how long he’s going to be in there, and I don’t know how long his parents have been looking for their son. They must feel devastated.”

JiHo noticed how cold Jonas’ hand was so she took her jacket of and wrapped it around the little boy’s shoulders. “I’ll carry you.” She crouched down and Jonas wrapped his tiny arms around JiHo’s neck as he let her pick him up. “I’m going to look for his parents. You’re free to come or stay here, but I’m going.” JiHo told Winwin and then left in the direction of the park.

Winwin did a double take of the store before running and catching up to JiHo and Jonas. “I’m not letting you go alone.” He mumbled, to which JiHo felt a smile creeping on her lips.

Once they enter the park, JiHo asks Jonas a few questions like, “Where was the last place you saw your parents?” and “Did you see in which direction they left?”. Jonas wasn’t much of a help since he didn’t remember much. Yet JiHo completely understood, the boy lost his parents, he must have been so scared and panicked.

5 minutes went by, but they felt like at least half an hour and still they hadn’t found Jonas’ parents. Noticing how the small boy started to become a bit more restless Winwin came up with an idea. “I’ll carry him and you can run around and ask people if you have seen his parents.” Winwin suggested to which JiHo agreed. She handed over Jonas to Winwin who tried his best to entertain the boy. His English skills were very minimal, but Jonas seemed to prefer him saying things in Korean anyway. Each time he did, it elicited a giggle or a smile.

All Winwin had to do was keep Jonas calm, so JiHo could run around and hopefully find Jonas’ parents as soon as possible. He hated the fact that JiHo was running around alone at 5 pm on a particularly cold day, in nothing but a t-shirt and jeans. Her jacket was still wrapped around Jonas, who seemed to appreciate the warmth it provided.

Winwin’s mind was clouded with so many thoughts, what if they didn’t find Jonas’ parents? What if something happened to JiHo? She was only 18 - technically speaking 17, her birthday was in a few months -  in a foreign country, with no supervision. Speaking of supervision, how was their manger going to react? Had he already left the store? Had he noticed him and JiHo weren’t there yet? How-

“Jonas!” “My baby!” Winwin’s head snapped to the direction of the screams. There he saw JiHo and two adults running towards them. “Mommy! Daddy!” The little boy screamed, happy to see his parents again. Quickly, Jonas was scooped out of Winwin’s grasp by the little boy’s father. “Thank you two so much! Oh my God, I was so scared!” The mother cried and pulled JiHo in a hug.

Once the mother stopped crying and had hugged her child, they turned to the two idols. “Thank you again! Thanks for taking care of my little boy.” The father said, trying to calm down his rapidly beating heart. “No worries, your son is such a nice boy.” JiHo explained while she got her jacket handed back. “How could I ever repay you?” JiHo held up her hands explaining that they were okay and didn’t need anything. “Did they take good care of you?” The father asked Jonas who then excitedly started telling about how nice JiHo was and how funny Winwin and JiHo talked to each other. It melted both their hearts and then they waved the family goodbye after getting a last hug from the boy.

“He was cute.” Winwin smiled to which JiHo agreed. She then poked his shoulder twice. “We should head back, oppa isn’t going to be happy-” “YOU TWO!” As if on cue, their manager appears, sweat was dripping of his temples as he approached them. “I told you to wait in front of the store! I could already see my career- no, my whole life flash in front of my eyes!” JiHo and Winwin look at their manager with a sheepish grin. “Why are you here?” Winwin then explained what happened and their manager’s gaze softened.

“Next time, don’t forget your phones in the hotel okay? I was worried sick, but thank God you’re both fine.” The manager patted both idols’ shoulders. “And you did something amazing. I’m happy you found that little boy’s parents. I think I almost can relate to his parents.” JiHo cooed at their manager and looked up at him with big eyes. “Aw~ You care about us like we’re your own children?” JiHo teased which caused Winwin to laugh. “Never mind. Maybe I shouldn’t have come to find you.” He groaned.

“Me?! Why are you looking at me only? What about Winwin?!” JiHo asked offended. “What do you mean, JiHo? Didn’t you say everyone always falls in love with me?” The boy wiggled his brow as he mocked the girl. She rolled her eyes while looking at the manager. “Yeah, I think I prefer Winwin right now. Here you go buddy.” He hands him the snacks he got for him earlier. “What about mine?” The manager laughed. “I stress binge ate your snack while I was looking for you guys.” JiHo stopped in her tracks, mouth fallen open while the other two continue to walk. “That’s so unfair.” JiHo mumbled but quickly rushed to catch up with the others.

“Be careful what you say oppa. I can tell SM about how you left us alone outside-” “Here!” He shoved a bag of snacks into JiHo’s hands which made her smile sweetly. “Have I ever told you, you are my favourite manager?” JiHo beamed while opening the snack. “Shut up and eat.” He grumbled.

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Side Note: Long overdue Winwin writing, there’s still a few members that I haven’t written for, so I’m slowly getting there. The member’s I haven’t written for, funnily enough, are some of the ones that I want to write for the most, but I’m having a hard time finding the perfect stories for them. Just letting you know, so you know that I love them as much as the other members. I know Haechan and Doyoung appear on this blog the most, (and I might have another Doyoung angst in my drafts) but that isn’t because I like them more, I love all NCT members equally. <3

Also posting 2 days in a row because I felt inspired and I might have given up on an assignment for this