#shes always talking about some random unrelated shit and you can tell it’s just bc she likes to hear herself talk

[francisforever2014]

know it all is such an elementary school ass insult but god some of the mfs in my class are such know it alls and it’s sooooo fucking annoying 😭 ur not the only one that can talk about the ‘hegemonic construction of capitalism and american culture’ or whatever in an upper level university class girl ur just the only one who would have the gall to go on about it for 5 minutes when that’s not even what we’re talking about !!

[corvigae]

Heloooooo your Tav is a cutie (mine’s also a wizard, gotta love the Annoying class)! What’s your party? What’s her favourite person? What’s her background and backstory??? tell me everything

YEEAAAHHH WE LOVE THE NERD ASS CLASS!!

Thank you!! Lately my party's been Shadowheart, Astarion, and Karlach. At all times it's always Shadowheart and Astarion and then the third spot is more fluid for whoever provides the most utility/story at any given moment, but the way I have Karlach specced she's a fucking beast of a tank so I'm thinking I'm gonna be keeping her around for a solid while, lol.

Her favorite person is almost definitely Shadowheart, they clicked pretty quickly and somehow despite Lunarae being the most nosy bitch in the world and constantly asking her about herself and her past, Shadowheart didn't get annoyed with her prying and just. started opening up to her instead?? So they're absolute besties, and like I've said before, even thought the game only allows you to romance one origin character at a time, as far a I'm concerned they are also girlfriends, despite the fact that she's also romancing Astarion.

Speaking of which I have so many thoughts on Lunarae and Astarion but they're all kinda just swirling around in my head constantly and hard to exactly pin down. But basically when they first met Astarion thought Lunarae was a ridiculously naive, self-righteous idiot who wanted to be a hero and was going to get herself and everyone around her killed while doing so, and really did not like her much at all. Then as they started travelling together he was like "Okay so I guess she can actually handle herself in a fight alright. She's still self-righteous and naive and annoying as fuck, tho." But then as time goes on he sees a bit more past just the "wanting to help people and do The Right Thing all the time" aspect of her, and sees her be a little shit and tease people sometimes, be really level-headed and able to lie or talk her way out of situations, and her being a little goofy with her looting and hoarding compulsions and how incredibly vindicatedly happy she gets when she finds a good item in some random pot or some shit, and he starts to think of her as a whole person that he actually kind of likes and respects, especially after he finds himself on the receiving end of that unrelenting kindess of hers like when she lets him feed on her or when she gave him the Necromancy of Thay book. Not to mention they're both just unabashedly Down Bad for each other, honestly. He's still frequently frustrated with her unwillingness to indulge in the tadpole's power and her insistence on being the hero, though, and for Lunarae's part even though she really likes him and thinks he's interesting and silly and he makes her happy, his constant thirst for power and frustration with her annoys her in turn, and they're still often butting heads on issues of morality. This kind of plays into another aspect of them that I think is interesting though is how they kind of balance each other out? Because let's be real, at least some of Lunarae's approach to Astarion is "I can fix him," and maybe she can slowly coax him into giving at least a little bit of a shit about other people, but the thing about Lunarae is that she's so constantly giving? She never says no to someone who needs her help, she never stops trying to do her best for others, and she never stops giving, to the point where it can be a real detriment, actually. So she could really benefit from somebody who can teach her to be at least a little bit selfish and care about herself and her own needs sometimes, actually.

This is already a long-ass post so I'm gonna put the rest under a readmore, esp since her backstory isn't all that fully fleshed out, so it may be kind of cingey rip

As for her background she's a Sage bc of course her nerd ass is, and I debated on whether I wanted to actually give her a serious DnD Backstory™️ or if I wanted to just have her be the only normal, well-adjusted person in the party and just play that for laughs, but the more I think abt it the more I think the backstory I thought of for her helps make her determination to Do The Right Thing and constantly help people and also be hyper-aware and vigilant of Wizard Hubris make a lot more narrative sense. So her big backstory is basically that she was raised by a single mother who was a very powerful and respected wizard with a very high up and prestigious position in their city. Her mom was always thrilled to nurture Lunarae's innate curiousity and love of learning, and taught her how to study magic fairly young (She never really taught her spells directly though, she still had to learn them herself). Sometimes she had a tendency to treat her more like her apprentice than her daughter, but Lunarae was always eager to learn and didn't mind all too much. The thing about Lunarae's mom though was that she was an incredibly ambitious wizard, and treated power as a sort of commodity that one can hoard and should constantly be striving to obtain, and eventually she came up with a magic ritual that would significantly increase her pwoer and make her one of the most powerful mages in history. She of course excitedly told Lunarae about this ritual, and about all the good she could do in the world once she had all this power at her disposal, and Lunarae agreed to help her pull it off. She was getting ready to go on a trip to visit a friend at the time, though, and her mom agreed to wait until after she got back to attempt it. What Lunarae found when she returned, however, was just carnage and destrution. Her mom had apparently gotten impatient waiting for her to return and had decided to attempt the ritual herself, and whether she had done something wrong or the ritual itself was just too unstable, it had not only failed, but failed in such a catastrophic way that it had leveled her home and about 10 city blocks, with the only thing remaining just rubble and viscera streaked across the smoldering, broken buildings. In picking up her life after that, Lunarae briefly considered turning away from magic entirely, but she knew she couldn't do that - she loved it too much, and it was the only connection she had left to her mother. So she instead resolved to use her magic to help people as often as possible, to be a force for good in the world, and to also be cognizent of that fact that wanton lust for power, even with good intentions, can be deadly.

[hhawkeye]

me at all points (with disclaimer that I know I talk about Hawkeye too much): can we meta about Margaret? can we? or Hawkeye's mom? or Carlye or Kyung Soon? or Peg even! just a lady for once and not always about the two white dudes!

oh peg the og blurry wife... what i wouldnt give to know Anything about you that isnt coming from bjs frankly unreliable perspective (I KNOW WHY WE DONT!! I KNOW i knooooow i know and appreciate the limited perspective and fact that we dont really properly see anyone from back home etc etc i know this. i enjoy it. but at the same time i can be mad about it!!!!!!!! same re: hawkeyes mom and his uhhhhh. rose tinted glasses outlook on his past and family and crabapple cove when i imagine in reality it probably. was not all that good considering we know hawkeye represses shit and is obviously romanticising due to being away for so long etc etc)

but RIGHT like. augghhhh i do see a lot of discussion on margaret out of any of the characters which like duh. shes a main character! but even then its... hardly anything compared to bj and hawkeye and actually like, even the bj/hawkeye meta is like. specifically beejhawk meta. it’s hardly ever just like “oh unrelated to the beejhawk thing here’s thoughts on their lives etc” yknow? it’s always gotta link back to beejhawk which is FINE i GET IT i understand. if not then why, etc, but come on!!!!!

like margaret is in literally (almost) every episode and she goes through SO MUCH development and change but everyone is like (mouth zipped closed emoji) and i just. ughhhhh. like im not one to talk bc in general i dont really. make big ass posts about ANY characters really or if i do theyre... incoherent rambling posts that nobody wants to read (THIS IS NOT ME BEING SELF DEPRECATING i am genuinely pissed off at myself for being Like That because i do know how to actually do proper character analysis etc i just.......... dont? bc brain broke and yknow. its fucking mash) but anyway its like. please. please i would like to see more margaret content

and christ the carlye stuff is soooo. like so much of it is just oh carlyes a bitch bc she didnt want to like, sit around and never feel fully like... valued? thats not the right word but augh. in her relationship w hawkeye and like. HELLO?

and kyung soon!!!!!!!!!! obv maddie horaetio had some AMAZING takes on that entire episode which <3 <3 <3 Yes. but in general she is so ignored and forgotten about even in the meta about hawkeyes manpain when hes being left behind!! (the classic “carlye left trapper left bj left”.... ok nobodys gonna mention kyung soon leaving? and how he took that personally even though it was like, his countrys fault actually, and he was not the one suffering there, and, and, and) which i know is partly because she is a one episode character who is never(?) mentioned again etc but its like. ok. yall talk about tommy all the time tho soooooooo........... no hate to tommy love his character love that episode but i mean. come the fuck on. youre telling me random white boy of the week is more interesting or has more like... potential? than kyung soon who literally held so many lives together at the cost of her own mental emotional and likely physical health because she HAD to and then she fell in love with someone who is literally! there! making things worse! even from the very start of the episode when he misjudges her and is like oh im sorry :( and its like ok lol you realise you have a LOT more to be sorry for right. but he does not realise this. because he is fucking stupid and barely realises he is part of the us military no matter how much he decries it like! god!

anyway whatever. again, long rambly post that is very disjointed and bad this is why my lecturers hated reading my first drafts of anything BUT YOU GET WHAT I MEAN AND I AGREE VERY MUCH. mx mash fandom unblur those wives

[reversecreek]

struts onto the dash carrying this deliriously wriggling little elf in my arms like a swaddled bebe......... they’re genuinely my oldest muse of all time i think i created them when i was like. 13 possibly. n i haven’t written them in Years but. i’m literally so excited to jst vibrating w muse. smiles at u all demurely..... they have risen. u can find their pinterest here n their playlist here.

* alana champion, nonbinary + they/them | you know nyla palmer, right? they’re twenty-two, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, eight months? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to 6669 (i don’t know if you know) by neon indian like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole a two headed doll of a prairie girl with stitched on rabbit ears and butterfly wings, befriending shadow puppets & finding god with your eyes open underwater in a public pool you broke into thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is march 2nd, so they’re a pisces, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt she/her  )

HISTORY:

was born in georgiaaaa georgiaaaa (phoebe bridgers voice holds my bang...) to a vry honest hard working man named george (omgggg he’s called GEORGE and he’s from GEORGIA? ahaaaaa fuckk ur jestinggg) nd a woman who did her best named pamela..... george worked on a construction site n pamela was a pharmacist..... their house was this small rickety white thing with a wrap around porch n a very rabid overgrown garden tht kind of looked like the earth ws trying to reclaim it bc nobody ever hd the time or motivation to mow the lawn.... there ws literally a piece of fold out furniture just entirely submerged by weeds n foliage

nyla ws always closest w their dad george..... he hd this way of looking at the world tht was seeing the best in all of it.... he took them on long walks where he talked abt how u have to respect the trees bc they’re breathing fr us n we’re breathing fr them..... he hd a strange whimsical sense of humour n a gnome alter ego called grundlebolt who always tickled them..... in a way this closeness created a distance between nyla n their mother but not so much that it ws rly a problem. just enough tht nyla sometimes waited until their mother ws out of eye n ear shot to tell their dad they loved him bc they didn’t wna make her sad >_>

(mental health, death & grief tw) pamela always struggled w her mental health but george ws great n understanding n knew how to help her thru this... nyla didn’t get it too greatly at a very young age bt they knew their mum got “the sads” sometimes (how their dad wld explain tht she needed to lay down in the quiet for a while or why she’d stood at the stove n let the dinner burn until the smoke detector went off without doing anything abt it). when nyla was 14 they got home one day to a police car in the driveway n came prancing in exuberantly as they always did. immediately hugged the legs of an officer bc this is hw they wld greet everyone they ever met. they only realised something was wrong when they let go n saw their mum sat at the table crying. essentially there ws an accident at the construction site george worked at n :/ yeah. 

(jst mental health & grief tw now) this rly had an intense ripple effect on everyone tbh. pamela’s mental health deteriorated quite a lot without george there as her rock n nyla sort of had to step in as best they cld but it was....... hard. some days she ws better bt some days nyla had to sit her in the bath n stroke a wet sponge over her back bc they didn’t know how else to calm her down. nyla always had a very overactive imagination which george encouraged bt it ws like. losing him rly opened a window in nyla’s head n all rationality went floating out of it. their dreams seemed more real than being awake. fantasy wasn’t jst the way they coped bt it was the way they thought n the way they saw. everything on earth was alive. the trees n the clouds n the wall with a brick missing at the bottom of her road n especially their dad. their dad was alive in everything in nyla’s head. the sun shining extra bright in the morning was george. ponds were a veil they could dunk her head under and find george waiting on the other side. reality rly just pulled the plug n said bye tbh n they were ok w that <3

(abuse implied tw) their mum remarried too fast to a man named stephen n it was jst not a good arrangement. he was Not a nice man. i won’t go into this but home wasn’t a nice place for nyla any more n after a couple of yrs stephen wound up asking them to leave n their mum said nothing to contradict tht. there’s more to this bt long story short nyla left <3

(drugs tw) they couch surfed fr a while before settling living w their best friend. they got up to like... all sorts of trouble n grew up far too fast. nyla’s lack of sense n realism hd a habit of getting them into some sticky situations n these few yrs were a rollercoaster where they got by on the skin of their teeth. when they think of high skl they think of gravel and skinned knees and sucking sherbet dunkers to ignore the taste of pennies in ur mouth and getting lost in the woods a lot bc they’d take FAR too many drugs n be lead astray having conversations with kind trees whose branches held their hands

(drug mention) got by on odd jobs like making candles n selling them at market stalls. leaf blowing at cemeteries. face painting fr children’s parties (where they were blatantly high). random stuff. all over the place. in this time them n their best friend also hd a sugar daddy named tony who always wore very impressive colour block suits n mink stoles n jewelled fedoras n hd a swanky apartment w marble floors. rly just. surreal. lots of strange stories frm this time.

things kind of blew up in their friendship group n they fell out w their best friend raya bc she slept w this guy aj who nyla hd been madly in love w for yrs.... he was a Stinker n honestly so ws their best friend so good riddance i say bt obviously it felt like having their entire world flipped upside dwn fr nyla.... they split after this came out bc they just did Not want to b around these ppl any more n they decided to leave w this guy frm a band they barely knew tht much save fr a one night stand to tour w them..... this ws another whirlwind. jst chock full of them. it ws similar to being on a teacup ride at a carnival n spinning round n round n only knowing u were surrounded by lots of lights. tht’s how they’d best describe their time on tour.

SO in terms of them coming to irving 8 months ago they came w the band.... they honestly did pretty well on tour n wound up renting a big beach house on dorado as a kind of “retreat” sort of place fr them to shack up in while they worked on writing and recording their first big studio album (they gt signed w a label so it’s all vry exciting stuff). nyla among like 3 others were allowed to stay w them too bc they hd a lot of fun on tour. literally jst. taken on as professional groupies essentially. nyla loved it bc they’d never seen the ocean n when they first got there they jst threw off all their clothes n ran straight into the water. it was 3pm on a tuesday afternoon. they got arrested fr public indecency n didn’t get why bc they were like but i just wanted to hug the ocean u silly little oinker? i picture the beach house as like. the loudest one on dorado.... comes alive like a jungle at night..... they r probably bad neighbours. anyway. onto personality puts hand on hip.

PERSONALITY:

sets out patio furniture on someone else’s lawn n jst takes a seat n leans back like ahhhhh vat a nice day to be alive ya! (swedish accent suddenly bc they think it’s fun). they come out n start yelling n they’re jst so confused they’re like hey wat’s the big idea hey wat’s go on here why u angies why this happen?

likes drawing imaginary veins over their arms in all different colour blue pens in a sudden fit of hyperfixation n then forgets all abt it n goes out like tht n scares several townsfolk bt they’re oblivious they’re jst in her own world loving life already onto the next fixation. has many many different fads like this. one day will jst start snipping up a bunch of magazines bc they’re like EYES ARE COOL N THEY SEE EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :P n they’ll stick a bunch of them over their wall n then forget they was doing that n leap onto the next. quite a pattern. bt they love the vein thing a lot it makes them feel like a walking planetarium like they have their own constellations

sometimes jst doesn’t make sense. they’re honestly kind of strange. pops up in places like they suddenly materialised there n it’s like how did u get there where have u been when were u last seen are u ok. has the energy of an ancient deity frm deep in a mountain cave n an ambiguous forest sprite all at once..... talks shit honestly. abt anything n everything. sometimes outrageous. sometimes plain incoherent. like what are u talking about? i dnt kno. even i dnt kno sometimes.

luvs stick n pokes will let anyone tattoo whatever they want on them for the price of a gummy bear kindly placed onto their tongue n swallowed whole

has this obsession w being underwater w their eyes open luvs it. calls it their tadpole time. runs baths just to lie there blinking looking around n drifting her arms. best friends w the bottom of any local swimming pool n hs probably given it a quick kiss so it knows they’re bff’s n then got sick bc there’s sm germs in a public pool. says the kgb probably poisoned their oatmeal n r finally here to deliver on their promise n THAT’S why they got sick unrelated to the pool incident. what promise? noone knows.

unclear if they believe what they say or if they jst has a very expanded sense of humour where they nvr let on if they’re joking.... lines r blurred a lot..... 

loves excitedly shouting things. sometimes just screams at the sky bc they say it’s good to let the creatures in ur belly fly out every once in a while otherwise their wings get sore.

(drugs tw) still does an excessive amt of hallucinogens n it kind of shows. very bad fr their brain bt we’re going to ignore it.

dresses fun n strange n eccentric n careless. loves to experiment. does nt care abt what’s considered to be societally appropriate. living in their own world.

sleeps around a lot... jst doesn’t rly see sex as a big deal.... very free w themselves in that way..... sometimes greets their friends w a kiss on the lips they’re like awww :) kisses <3 when they run into them in the middle of the cereal aisle n then pulls away n suddenly breaks into a box tht has a free toy in it bc it’s a banana with googly eyes n that’s the best thing they’ve ever heard in their LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! n isn’t he so HANDSOME????? enchante indeed my good sir ;)... gives the toy a kiss too.

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

other groupies of the band: self explanatory a little.... i dnt have a name for the band yet bt all can b worked out..... i picture them as kind of. not that nice but like. there for a good time........ rock genre.... bit chaotic...... to say the least........ they dnt have to have come there w the band like nyla n the others they cld have been adopted in their time there.... whoever wld b wild n down fr a good time <3

chaotic trash goblin friends: idk what this title rly means it just came to me in a vision....... jst ppl tht r rly kind of off the rails n don’t care abt anything...... they r who nyla tends to mesh very well w......... they rly r living in their own world n by their own rules n they like ppl who do this too <3 inevitably they get up to no good n party far too much...... cld be angst to this if they enable each other’s bad habits...... world’s our oyster. opens my office door. let’s talk abt it.

nyla set up camp on their front lawn: maybe jst w a fold out chair. maybe w a literal pop up tent w someone else too. genuinely so bizarre of them bt that’s what we’re dealing with. they poke their head into the tent n nyla’s lying down crunching on a cracker crumbs over their tits n they just hold it out to them nt even fully consumed n are like hey polly want a cracker? :)

they responded to her craigslist ad: they posted one saying they cld cleanse their house of demonic energy bc they’re an all seeing eye in touch w the spirits. this is a lie. they came n waved sage around n did a little dance as they did it w bird sounds playing on a special cd they brought fr the occasion (had weird indistinct doodles over the case it ws brought in) n then ws like OOH! scary.... n jumped at something in the hall. they go in thinking maybe they’ve seen a ghost bt they just were startled by their own reflection in a mirror n is like. scary mirror placement...... might wna reconsider that........ they charge them merely 10 dollars fr their time n is like this was so fun we shd do it again some time :) also i think u have mould on ur bathroom tile! vanishes. they dnt recall them ever going to the bathroom.

came knocking asking for items for a garage sale: yes. u heard that right. they’re asking for ur muses things to set up their own garage sale. selling items that do not belong to them. they think this is a genius business strategy n don’t understand why ppl think this is so strange or why they cant just ask ppl to donate them things to sell bc hey they’re an entrepreneur? they even had a pencil behind their ear when they knocked on the door so why aren’t ppl taking their business seriously? probably got distracted several times trying to explain their pitch n chattered abt random other things instead.

honestly anything... fwbs... flings... good influence... someone who cnt stand the fact they’re barely coherent.... someone they stopped on the street one day n asked for their opinion on water beds.... we cn do literally anything. fling ur chara my way n we can talk.

[kuiinncedes]

guess who keeps writing random quinntina drabbles in completely unrelated aus and refusing to expand on any of them :D so yeah i wrote a shadowhunters!quinn and tina thing (that i actually might expand on bc i was working on a klaine shadowhunter thing and it’s not super different or anything ANYWAY) idk if i need to explain shit to make it easier to understand or anything but here’s some explanations :P

shadowhunters = demon killers born with angel blood, they draw runes on themselves to do things like heal or give extra agility, strength, etc. also shadowhunters usually have compound last names it’s a whole thing but i kept their last names anyway it doesn’t matter lmao

iratze = healing rune, when a shadowhunter uses one it heals them :P

parabatai = platonically bonded shadowhunters basically, and runes given to someone by their parabatai are sometimes more powerful

Behemoth demons = gross slimy demons with like a giant mouth or something and they’re really hard to kill bc they reform and stuff lol

witchlight = a stone that shadowhunters can use that lights up when they hold it

and i think that’s it, if anyone reads this lol and is confused about any of the shadowhunter aspects feel free to ask me about it :P

also kinda took some things from this prompt list that came across my dash - “you’re bleeding” and “There’s people chasing us and I pulled you into the alley with me and wow your close.” idk it doesn’t really stick to that tho

oh but yeah that means there’s description of blood and stuff not a lot at all and it’s not graphic or anything but yeah just fyi :3 

ANYWAY YEAH I KINDA REALLY LIKE THIS LDFJSLFJ maybe one day i’ll stop adding this random stuff at the beginning of the ficlets i post lol

---

“You’re bleeding.”

“News flash, Fabray, we’re Shadowhunters. It happens.” Tina rolls her eyes, then returns to scanning the surroundings for the Croucher demons that just disappeared. “I can’t believe I got stuck on a patrol with you,” she grumbles.

Quinn scoffs. “I’m not too happy about it either, hon.” She rubs her forearm, bare to the chill of the night air, and examines the wound on Tina’s leg, as best as she can given the distance between them. The blood has already soaked through her gear, the material itself slashed viciously halfway up her thigh. “Let me give you an iratze, at least. It looks bad,” she says, trying to keep the biting in her tone to a minimum. It’s hard, though, around Tina. She thinks she at least succeeds at not sounding like she’s actually going to kill Tina if she gets close.

Tina looks at her with an indecipherable expression, somehow different than the contempt and anger that she usually directs at Quinn. “It’s fine, we don’t have time for that. Mercedes can do it when we get back.” Tina seems to swallow, then looks away. “You know, being my parabatai, it’ll be a lot better than anything you could do.” The insult doesn’t carry half the heat of anything Tina usually says to her, which confuses Quinn. But she doesn’t have time to think on it when Tina’s eyes widen at some point behind her and Quinn whirls around with her seraph blade to meet the dark face of a demon, Tina coming up beside her, stabbing one demon and effectively causing another to vanish with a perfectly-thrown dagger.

Try as she might, Quinn can’t ignore just how insanely good of a Shadowhunter Tina Cohen-Chang is. And it annoys the fuck out of her.

Together they easily kill the demons in the group -- Croucher demons are not the brightest by far -- and Tina is retrieving a dagger from the ground when Quinn sees them. 

Three Behemoth demons, moving sluggishly, and not towards them, but they are going to have to take care of them. 

“What the fuck are Behemoth demons doing in a group…?” Quinn mumbles. They need help for this; no matter how exceptional of a Shadowhunter Tina is, and although Quinn is far from bad herself, two Shadowhunters can’t take on three Behemoth demons. 

“Fuck,” Tina whispers, coming up beside Quinn again. She can’t help but notice how Tina’s dark hair has fallen out of her bun a little, messy strands surrounding her face but of course she still looks so good --

“How do you feel about Behemoths, Fabray?” Tina says quietly, her tone challenging. They’re still just watching the demons, who haven’t done anything yet and have given no indication that they’ve noticed the two Shadowhunters.

Quinn scowls, “Hate them.” Which is an understatement. She and Kurt had a terrible experience with one a few years ago and she prefers not to think about it.

Tina nods. “Same.”

Of course, one of the demons finally turns their way and spots them. “Fuck, we gotta run,” Quinn hisses. She can already see that the demons are dispersing their slimy, disgusting bodies -- she really doesn’t like Behemoths -- to reform somewhere else, no doubt somewhere significantly closer to where they’re standing --

Or behind them. Quinn is yanked sideways by Tina and they sprint down a small road, dark but for the dim street lights reflecting off the wet asphalt.

It doesn’t take long for Quinn to notice something is wrong. She hasn’t patrolled with Tina before, but she’s trained with her, she knows Tina is somewhat faster than her. So why isn’t Tina way ahead of her right now… 

Quinn spares a glance over and right, her leg. Before Quinn can think about it, she’s pulling Tina into a small alley off the side of the road. 

“Shit,” Tina breathes, clenching her jaw and leaning against the wall in this really very narrow alley, they barely have enough space for the two of them, each against one of the walls -- 

Quinn looks at the wound on Tina’s thigh and hisses, “You idiot. You should’ve let me put a damn iratze on you, or you should’ve done it yourself, Angel’s sake -- ”

A Behemoth slides past, dispersing and quickly reforming further up the alley. The other two follow close behind. Quinn presses herself into the shadows of the alley, lessens her breath and tries to force her heart to stop pounding so loudly. She doesn’t think Behemoths have a sense of smell, she’s never learned that, but if they do, she and Tina are screwed and she will need to have a little chat with her demons instructor Will Schuester because this would not be a good time to find that out.

The demons pass. Quinn lets out a slow breath. 

“Lost my stele.” Tina’s breath is coming in shallow gasps; Quinn can tell she’s trying to minimize the sound. The gash on her thigh is way deeper and longer than Quinn realized. It’s hard to see anything with the lack of light in the alley and lack of contrast between Tina’s blood on her skin and the black gear she’s wearing.

“Fuck, do you have a witchlight?” Quinn asks. 

“No.” Tina’s muscles are tight and her body is wound. “It doesn’t matter right now. Call the Institute, we need someone to get rid of those Behemoths.”

Quinn wants to argue, wants to ask Tina if she’s seen her leg, but Tina’s right, infuriatingly. She quickly presses the number for her parabatai on her phone while Tina closes her eyes, resting her head against the brick wall, seemingly trying to calm her breathing.

“Quinn!” Kurt exclaims when he picks up. “What happened? Mercedes said she felt something happen to Tina and you guys have been out longer than you’re supposed to -- ”

“We’re fine,” Quinn interrupts. “Tina’s mostly fine, just a nice cut from a Croucher. We ran into some Behemoths though, need someone to take care of them.”

Kurt groans. “Of course you guys ran into Behemoths.” There’s some faint talking in the background -- Quinn can make out Mercedes demanding to know where her parabatai is, some other voices chime in that she can’t recognize. “Okay, luckily Mike’s here and he can go try to magic them away or whatever he does. Beiste is going with him. Mercedes and I will meet up with you and Tina. Send me your guys’ patrol location.”

“Don’t you know it?”

“Yes, but send it to me anyway,” Kurt says, exasperated, but Quinn can tell he doesn’t really mean it. “Okay? Be careful.”

“Always am.” She ends the call and shoves her phone back into her pocket. Then she remembers Tina, who’s sitting against the wall, legs stretched out in front of her and looking exhausted. 

“Here,” she says, finding her stele and holding it out to her. Tina gives her a half-smile and accepts it. She rolls up her jacket sleeve to draw the rune on her forearm, flowing black lines of the iratze stark against her skin in the dim light. 

“Kurt and Mercedes are coming,” Quinn says. “And Mike and Beiste for the demons.”

“Good, saves me from more time with you,” Tina mumbles halfheartedly.

Quinn rolls her eyes. “Let me help,” she says, kneeling down and reaching for her stele. “It will work better closer to the heart -- ”

“I’m fine,” Tina says hurriedly, leaning away from Quinn slightly. Quinn ignores the slight disappointment she feels at that and exclaims, “Are you serious? Your leg is still pouring blood, you can see that, right?”

Tina swallows. “I don’t want you that close to me.” Her voice is resigned, quiet and Quinn can barely hear her.

“Again, are you serious? What the fuck did I ever do to you?” Quinn knows she shouldn’t be getting angry, especially when they don’t know how far the demons are and they could hear her raised voice -- can Behemoth demons hear? Mr. Schue really didn’t do a great job in their demon education -- and come back to finish them off.

“Quinn, just… just don’t.” Tina rolls her stele back towards her. “Thanks for the stele.”

“No, I want to know! I want to know what the fuck I did to make you treat me like this, because I sure didn’t ask for it.” Quinn is seething now, unable to stop even if she tried. “When we were kids you were okay, but ever since the Shadowhunter Academy you’ve been such an asshole to me, and now you can’t even let me near you to help you, to put a fucking iratze on you -- ”

“I have feelings for you!” Tina yells, effectively shutting Quinn up. Quinn looks down at her in surprise. 

“What -- ?”

Tina puts her head in her hands, running them through her hair and pulling out her bun, her shining black hair spilling across her shoulders. “I… can’t let you near me because… I’m scared,” she says softly to her boots. “I’m scared of what my feelings mean when you get close to me and I want to kiss you so fucking badly... I want to be with you. I -- I realized that at the Shadowhunter Academy when I saw other girls kiss each other and I just,” she shakes her head. “I realized I want to do that with you. And I know there’s no chance for that, I get it. But that’s why I’ve been... mean.”

Quinn stares at Tina, jaw dropped open. Tina meets her gaze for a moment, then averts her eyes and smirks slightly, sadly. “It’s fine, Fabray. I’ll stop being an asshole and you don’t have to talk to me again. Except, you know, when Kurt and Mercedes want us all to hang out, but I’ll stay away.”

Quinn wants to say something -- wants to say no, I don’t want that, when the alley floods with light and she turns to see Kurt and Mercedes, the light coming from a witchlight stone in Kurt’s hand. 

“You know,” he says, smiling, “you could’ve come out after the demons left, would’ve made it easier for us to find you.”

-

Quinn makes her way through the unfamiliar halls of the Columbus Institute. She has a vague sense of where she’s going but she doesn’t live at the Institute so she’s still a little disoriented. But she mostly tries to follow the sound of voices and sure enough, it leads her to the library, where Mercedes and Tina are huddled together over a book, talking and laughing with each other. She watches them, quietly, awkwardly, for a second, then Tina turns and spots her, smile faltering a little.

“Hey, Quinn,” she says softly. Mercedes turns too and waves at her.

“Hey, guys,” Quinn says. She swallows. “Um, could I talk to Tina for a second?” Mercedes shoots Tina a look. She nods back and Mercedes pats her hand and leaves the library, and now Quinn and Tina are alone.

“How’s your leg?” Quinn asks, deciding to stall.

Tina smiles a little, walks up to her. Her hair is in braids today. “Good as new. Tends to be the case after a few iratzes.”

Quinn nods. “Good.”

A moment passes, then Tina exhales and says, “Look, Quinn… I’m really sorry about what I said in the alley. I… can’t say I didn’t mean it, but I promise I won’t act like anything’s different, okay? We don’t even have to talk about it -- ”

“I want to talk about it.”

Tina stops. “You do?”

Quinn runs a hand through her hair. “You meant what you said?”

A slow nod from Tina, and a deep breath from Quinn.

“I’ve been thinking about it,” Quinn says, gaze fixed on the floor between their feet. “I think I feel the same.”

“… what?” 

“I want to kiss you. If you’ll let me.”

At some point, they’ve gotten closer, and now Quinn stands right in front of Tina, their faces almost touching. She barely has to move to press her lips to Tina’s. Tina inhales sharply, but then relaxes and her hands flutter up to lightly cup Quinn’s face as Quinn pulls her closer.

They pull away and Tina laughs slightly, breathlessly.

“Does this mean you still hate me?” Tina asks, her dark eyes sparkling, pupils dilated. Their breaths mingle in the lack of space between them.

“Of course,” Quinn murmurs. “Do you?”

“Why would I like you?” Tina tries to say, grinning, but she’s cut off by Quinn’s next kiss. 

And another, and another.

[razanartuk]

about me tag game thing

i was tagged by the wonderful @nothingunrealistic! thank you very much ily <3

under read more bc i was not capable of keeping my answers brief this time around

why did you choose your url?

this...was supposed to be a short explanation but it turned into quite a tale so strap in i guess because we are going on a ride. back in 2017 i was just getting into musical theatre rp and i was still feeling too shy to really talk to anyone ooc so i would just wait for people i wanted to interact with to post starter calls so i could just do things in character with them the easy way. So i did this with my friend cam, who posted a starter for me using a lyric from If I Could Tell Her. she linked the song so i could listen to it, so i did and i went ‘wait a minute, is that Ben Platt from Pitch Perfect?? (and other things too, but i only recognized his voice at the time bc of the acappella girl movies)’ and yes it certainly was.

i had zero idea what the plot of Dear Evan Hansen was about at that point, and for some reason based off Just That One Song and the poster art of who i assumed was Some Guy in a Polo Shirt i started to think it was about some jock guy who broke his arm and had an emo/goth friend who had either died or gone missing under mysterious circumstances. also i intuited that Evan had a crush on his friend’s sister but he couldn’t tell her that directly or his emo friend would kick his ass. so i was like mostly wrong, but a little bit right.

oh and i knew jared and alana were characters from the show bc cam said that they were i think?? but i had no idea what their role was. so after listening to if i could tell her, i listened to good for you and all i really got out of that was that evan the apparently not-jock guy had done...something... that really hurt jared and alana. and at that point i finally decided to go look up a plot synopsis and i found out i was waaay off base. but honestly this is why cast recordings should include scene dialogue in the songs bc otherwise you just get soundtracks like dear evan hansen where the songs have like. zero context. we really just go from waving through a window to for forever to sincerely me without like. any reason as to what is happening huh. It’s honestly not a surprise anymore that all those people on twitter had no idea the plot isn’t about gay teenagers.

anyways. cam was writing jared and she made a post at one point about wishing somebody would write alana and i was like ‘oh i could do that!’ (after i had actually Seen a bootleg and finally knew what the whole story was, of course) so i made a multimuse rp blog featuring alana beck, nabulungi hatimbi, chloe valentine and some other characters, and cam started sharing her headcanons with me that alana is trans, jared and alana were close friends when they were little kids but they sort of drifted apart as they got older and their priorities in life changed, jared was the first person alana came out to when she realized she’s trans, etc.

one night i started talking about wanting to pick a more theatre-relevant url for my blog and trans-[character name] urls were getting pretty popular, and at least 3 of the friends i made through rp had changed theirs to coordinating trans-[character name] and i think it was cam suggested i should make mine be trans-alana so i did. eventually i realized the unhyphenated version was available so i changed it to transalana with no hyphen and i have lived here ever since. sometimes i think about changing it but i feel like transalana has become a part of My Brand and i am not so great with coming up with cool names for things.

any side blogs? if you have them, name them and why you have them

in theory, i have sideblogs... i don’t really use them, but of the ones i do have, there is:

emsbookblog - this was supposed to be where i would post excerpts of the book that i’m working on, but i think i did that maybe one time roughly 2 years ago and then promptly forgot about it/got nervous about my writing and was scared to share anything else. the rest of the stuff that is there is assorted writing tips. i don’t really know what to do with it now. i probably should post all my little thoughts about em and anita and caleb there instead of infodumping on my main from time to time, but if i do that then i have to promo a sideblog and direct people over to it which is always annoying to me when i could just do it on this blog which is much easier

dearnovelhansen - this is basically no longer used, but was a sideblog i made specifically to talk/complain about the novel adaptation of Dear Evan Hansen which was about 3 years ago?? maybe? i can’t be trusted to understand the passage of time. but to summarize: i thought it was an honor just to have the story be made more accessible since many of us couldn’t see the stage performance, but i hated a lot of the creative liberties that were taken. my main grumbles are that everyone who isn’t evan or connor is done so dirty in the novel. connor’s still kind of done dirty in the book, but not as much as like. heidi, alana, jared, and zoe are.

horseisle3 - this one was meant to be a place where i could just enthusiastically post screenshots from hi3, but instead it turned into a blog where i occasionally reblog other players’ hi3 content and bitch about how bad the game admins are bc hi3 is the tumblr famous (infamous?) homophobic horse game. the game where it was once okay to call your club store the gulag bc according to their head of hr, ‘it’s just a russian word for prison’ but you can’t say ‘im gay’ without somebody accusing you of corrupting young children who play the game. unfortunately there aren’t very many good interactive horse games out there, so this one is still about as good as it gets. it’s either that or star stable and i don’t care about star stable.

mlaenie - i’ve had this url saved for i don’t even know how long. way way way back in the day when i wanted to escape from the clutches of the onceler fandom i abandoned my first blog where i basically had an alter ego i guess?? and i decided to just be myself on the new blog. i don’t fully remember who came up with it, but one of my sister’s mutuals suggested that if you scrambled the letters in your name you could come up with aesthetic-looking urls. so lauren’s url became lrauen, and to match with her mine became mlaenie, which i abandoned on tumblr after about a year or so? but have continued to use as my main username on twitter, reddit, youtube, xbox, steam, and discord. i barely ever use any of these accounts aside from twitter, steam, and xbox, but yeah. so i’ve decided to try and turn this empty sideblog into a place for video game thoughts maybe. we’ll see how long it lasts this time around.

how long have you been on tumblr?

i made my first tumblr account in december of 2010, but i didn’t understand how to use it at all or how to customize my theme to look cool and unique so i quickly abandoned it. i made a new account in september of 2011 after some kids at school and my sister told me i should and i have been trapped here with varying degrees of activity/inactivity ever since. i have witnessed the rise and fall of the lorax/onceler fandom, hyperfocused on lord of the rings, star wars and back to the future all at the same time, and for the past 4 years i’ve mostly been a musical theatre blog with assorted other fandom stuff mixed in. i feel i have seen everything and nothing, but mostly i’m just tired and bored.

do you have a queue tag?

no bc i don’t use a queue. i’ve tried using it in the past but i irrationally feel pressured to sustain a coherent theme to queued posts and my brain simply does not vibe with that so i just don’t use it at all anymore. Instead i instantly reblog or post several unrelated thoughts in succession and then don’t post again at all for 3 days. the way god intended

why did you start your blog in the first place?

my very first blog was intended to be a place for me to post all of my petz 5 animals’ profile info, but i didn’t have any understanding of how coding worked at all and i don’t think i really wanted to learn, either. so it just sat there, unused. my second attempt at blogging was as a classic rock fandom person, so as you can probably imagine i was pretty pretentious about ‘modern pop’ vs the beatles, the rolling stones, the who, the monkees, and so on. and then i slowly devolved into a lorax fandom blog and everything went to shit so i made a new blog for lord of the rings/the hobbit which later evolved to include star wars and back to the future blogging. and then for the past 4 years i’ve been mainly a musical theatre blog with other random stuff i like thrown haphazardly into the pot. wonderful.

why did you choose your icon/pfp?

because my url is transalana and two of my most prominent lgbt headcanons are that alana beck is trans and a lesbian. i gotta be shouting out @kinqmike though bc she’s the one i adopted the trans alana beck headcanon from in the first place!

why did you choose your header?

in 2017 i was hyperfixating on Dear Evan Hansen (and Be More Chill, but there weren’t many gif-able videos then considering it ran for a month in New Jersey in 2015 and there was only one yet-to-resurface 35 minute bootleg) so i just grabbed a random gif off of google. i really should get to replacing it with a new header of my own though. i just don’t know what i should do for it.

what’s your post with the most notes?

i have lost track of how many notes it has (i think it’s somewhere around 200 now?) but when Will Roland and George Salazar performed Two Player Game on Good Morning America, i posted a screencap of their Jeremy and Michael along with that one quiz answer meme that says stuff like ‘i want to see it grow up healthy’. i didn’t tag it with any ship names or anything because i was anxious about having it show up in the tags, but somebody who reblogged it from me did tag it as boyf riends and i firmly believe it took off because of that. i don’t think i make posts that are relevant enough to amass thousands of notes, even by accident. which is probably a good thing bc if i did i would have to block so many of them.

how many followers do you have?

on this blog? 175 according to the counter. how many of those are still real people and how many are bots and abandoned accounts? i have no idea.

how many people do you follow?

i try to keep it somewhere around 200. i think i’m sitting at 180 right now but i kind of need to go through and clear out the really inactive blogs.

have you made a shitpost?

let’s think about this for a second. i’ve been on tumblr for nearly 10 years. you might even be able to say i’ve made more than one. they’re just not what you would call...popular shitposts.

how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ post?

that stuff makes me so incredibly anxious that i have to fight the urge to want to yeet my laptop or mobile device through the closest window whenever i read it, so i try very hard to avoid any sort of ‘if you don’t reblog this, i’m judging you’ posts. i find them very manipulative and not particularly helpful

do you like tag games?

yeah babey!! i just frequently forget to do them, but please know that if you have ever tagged me in a tag game i felt incredibly touched by the gesture and the @mention even if i completely forgot to do the thing afterward

do you like ask games?

i do! but also rip to literally anyone who has ever sent me an ask meme bc it takes me so long to answer them. i’m still working on a micro fic prompt from a few weeks ago. also, horrified to realized that it has in fact been a few weeks and not 3 days anymore.

which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i don’t know that any are tumblr famous as a whole. but probably @neverheardnothing

do you have a crush on a mutual?

in any sort of romantic connotation? no. not that i’m aware of. there are mutuals that i have friend crushes on where i want to be friends with them but i get so anxious when it comes to meeting new people that usually nothing ever comes of it. i’m really not good at small talk or other casual conversation either which, as you may or may not be able to imagine, sucks. i just wanna skip over all of the awkward introductions and ‘hey how are you, how is life, what are you doing with yourself?’ stuff. not because i don’t care about it. i do, but i think most of my friends/the people i want to be my friends are also depressed and anxious so asking these basic questions about life tends to uh. make us all nervous. and i don’t do much with my life so i always have the most boring answers anyways.

i’m not tagging anyone officially bc the @ thing has just completely given up on me at this point, but if you want to do it, go for it. and then say i tagged you so i can read it c:

[abla-soso]

I don't think it's cancel culture in regards to what happened to Lindsey Ellis. She still has her audience and is still able to have a platform. She can make a comeback at any time. She just made some really insensitive tweets towards Asians in a time when Asian hate is really prominent in the West. Lots of people are kind of touchy about anti-Asian racism/hate atm and took her statements harder than they were meant to. If you want to see a real example of cancel culture, look no further than the Dixie Chicks or Colin Kaepernick.

As to why she was attacked by the "progressive" left, she really wasn't. You won't find many progressive left on Twitter. It's mostly the radical/woke left (there's a difference). There's also a big subsection of Twitter that just likes to start drama for the sake of drama. They aren't aligned to anything politically. They'll just attack anyone.

In regards to "cancel culture", it's mainly just people voting with their wallets. They're just telling people that they won't support things like racism. They aren't taking away the person's platform or anything. They just don't want to support them. Which is well within their rights.

Sometimes cancel culture can be good. Look at Onision or Shane Dawson. They were content creators who used their platform to groom and do inappropriate things with children/animals. Their type of behavior deserves to be called out and taking away their platform/"cancelling" them is the best way to protect their future victims and make sure that they don't profit from what was racist and pedophilic.

As a Muslim POC living in the west, I won't support a racist nor will I go out of my way and emotionally labor myself to explain why racism is bad. I have had principals tell my parents that they won't do anything to make sure I stay alive when I was 6 years old bc "my ppl shouldn't come here if they can't handle the weather." At this point, I hold no sympathy for racists and they can reap what they sow. If they get fired, I'm all for it bc then they won't be in the position to harm or even kill POC children. My parents shouldn't have to justify or explain to my teachers why their 6 year old child deserves to stay alive in school. If you aren't a POC living in the west, this kind of behavior ("cancel culture") might be hard to understand but I find that it's mostly holding ppl accountable. If they are sincere, they are welcomed back (look at Jenna Marbles). If they aren't and they are harming ppl, they should be put away so that they can't hurt others.

I don't think it's cancel culture in regards to what happened to Lindsey Ellis.

Cancel culture is not limited to trying to take away people’s jobs. You can bully, witch hunt, and viciously harass someone over and over and over again to the point of mental breakdown or mental anguish without ever getting them fired. Cancel culture is a hate mob on steroids, plain and simple. It’s kinda disturbing to me how you’re trying to minimize it. 

She just made some really insensitive tweets towards Asians

Where??? How is simply comparing a movie to a similar tv show is a sign of racism??? How was that enough to instigate this ridiclous hate mob against her???

Lots of people are kind of touchy about anti-Asian racism/hate atm and took her statements harder than they were meant to.

Again, plz stop minimizing or excusing the absolutely unhinged and terrible hateful harassment she received. It’s disturbing. 

As to why she was attacked by the "progressive" left, she really wasn't. You won't find many progressive left on Twitter. It's mostly the radical/woke left (there's a difference).

Lol, is there? I don’t see much difference.

There's also a big subsection of Twitter that just likes to start drama for the sake of drama. They aren't aligned to anything politically. They'll just attack anyone.

Are you for real??? She wasn’t mainly viciously attacked by random Twitter trolls. She was viciously attacked by her “own people”. That’s why she was so upset this time. She literally talked about how she was used to being attacked by the random Twitter trolls and how she always laughed them off. But she couldn’t this time because it was different. Those people aren’t trolls, they’re social justice warriors who truly believe they’re doing something moral and good. 

In regards to "cancel culture", it's mainly just people voting with their wallets. They're just telling people that they won't support things like racism. They aren't taking away the person's platform or anything. They just don't want to support them. Which is well within their rights.

You know damn well that NOT what people mean when they talk about cancel culture. Plz don’t be disingenuous.

Sometimes cancel culture can be good. Look at Onision or Shane Dawson.

Again; that’s NOT what cancel culture means! Holding abusers accountable and simply stop supporting them (so they won’t literally abuse anyone else) has nothing to do with toxic cancel culture. I’ll be honest, it’s kinda gross how you’re trying to defend the toxicity of cancel culture by mentioning unrelated examples.

At this point, I hold no sympathy for racists and they can reap what they sow. If they get fired, I'm all for it 

And you think I do??? I’m all for punishing racists appropriately, but I’m against this sadist, sociopathic need to immediately assume the worst about people and accuse them of vile shit without solid evidence just to justify treating them like they’re less than human.

bc then they won't be in the position to harm or even kill POC children.

Is Lindsey Ellis harming or killing POC children? No, she just made one thoughtless comment that meant no harm, and if people simply corrected her in a respectful manner then I have no doubt she’ll rethink her words and apologize. She’s done it before. So why are you justifying treating her as if she’s part of the freaking KKK? 

If you aren't a POC living in the west, this kind of behavior ("cancel culture") might be hard to understand but I find that it's mostly holding ppl accountable.

I’ve read and watched enough about it to know for damn sure that it’s NOT simply about holding ppl accountable. No one is against holding wrongdoers accountable. We’re against rabid hate mobs. 

If they are sincere, they are welcomed back (look at Jenna Marbles). 

None of the people who canceled her welcomed her back, lol. It was only her massive and dedicated fanbase. What planet are you living in where the hate mob happily forgive and welcome back people after they express remorse???

If they aren't and they are harming ppl, they should be put away so that they can't hurt others.

Since you’re a Muslim, plz read more about how Islam deals with wrongdoers and how it's against hate mobs, and how it encourages giving people the benefit of the doubt and giving gentle, respectful advice to them if it was proven they did or said terrible things. Muslims don’t shun people unless they were active, remorseless abusers who have no intention of reform. 

Your views about justice and mercy are deeply unIslamic.

[blookmallow]

I MADE SOME NEW FRIENDS LOOK

I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I L

ok backing up a bit rieklings are these lil goblin things that have been attacking me all across solstheim for a while, but THEN i found THIS 

SINCE WHEN DO YOU KNOW HOW TO TALK!! WHAT!!!!! OF COURSE I FOLLOW YOU also your foot is. uh. disappearing into the snow there bud

they took me to meet their chief 

it is an honor, sir 

i also just noticed he’s sitting like a jarl fjdsgj

[nods thoughtfully] muwafathoo

they needed help getting their warthog thing back and collecting scathcraw which i was absolutely down for, but then, uh

they wanted me to help raid the nearby nord village :’)

the Bad Nords who keep attacking them, they said, but this. is definitely a nord mead hall that they clearly took over :’ ) 

but i mean, its theirs Now, i guess,

i felt bad but i really didn’t wanna betray my lil goblin buddies and i didn’t really even know the nord people anyway, and I’m already a dark brotherhood assassin, so, like, technically this kinda shit is my job already, 

so we killed the nords lmao it was far enough away from the guards that i didnt get a bounty for it but

so then the riekling chief thought i was trying to assert dominance over him as the Strongest and he challenged me but i REALLY DIDN’T WANNA FIGHT HIM :’) SIR YOU ARE SO SMALL. I’M SORRY. YOU ARE A TINY THING 

i forgot i was wearing the ebony mail, which poisons anything around you that registers as an enemy, so he literally just died from poison exposure and i did not do Anything 

so as far as these guys know im a fucking god who can strike things down without moving a muscle 

they didn’t seem too upset about their chief though and just declared me the new chief so i guess this is just how they roll :’) 

SO ANYWAY NOW I HAVE ALL THESE FRIENDS. THEY CAN ACT AS FOLLOWERS I CAN BRING LIL GOBLINS ON ADVENTURES WITH ME AND I’M DYING 

look at him...........my littel man............

if you dismiss them you get this though 

he’s not a PET he’s my FRIEND

but apparently bc they’re “pets” you can have one of them and a regular follower at the same time even though they can like. carry stuff and follow commands (not all commands but most things) 

they are SURPRISINGLY VERY WELL BEHAVED LIL GREMLINS i was afraid they might act aggressively if i brought them into town or something but no they only attack if you tell them to or if there’s an active threat. im not sure how they understand me bc the chief was the only one who could really communicate, i haven’t heard any recognizable words since “you. fo. llow. me” 

they do tend to say the same phrases a lot though so I’m pretty sure they have language! the only thing I can tell for sure is I think “fa ra walla” means “goodbye” since they always say that when you dismiss them 

the game mechanics aren’t there to actually do it but i like to think medea is something of an anthropologist and is trying to study them, teaching them her language and trying to learn theirs 

i brought him to meet my cow i think he likes her 

doesn’t like chairs, though. i offered him a chair and he just kept saying JOOOO FAH so i guess that means no 

anyway ive decided everyone gets presents and everyone’s getting names im gonna give them all enchanted daggers so i can tell which one’s which since several of them have the same model and I can’t tell them apart 

this guy’s grendel

they don’t seem to use weapons you give them but they will carry it

im not 100% sure but from what i can tell so far it does seem to be the same group of 9 rieklings (i counted them and made note of how many there were of each type, gave a few of them specific items to hold, dismissed them, traveled around for a bit, came back and could still count the same numbers and could still find the ones with the items I gave them) so this SHOULD work to keep track of them unless they do eventually just reset or get randomized again

it would make sense for them to all be the same every time you visit though considering the possibility for them to be carrying something for you that you might need back 

this one’s caliban i took him to meet cicero i think they’re friends 

also i gave him a necklace and it does register as being equipped even though you can’t actually See it so im choosing to believe he liked it and put it on 

anyway here’s Most Of the squad, a few of them were inside 

im still collecting daggers for them all and deciding who gets which names but ive decided they’re grendel, caliban, fidget, gollum, orlok, crabbe, goyle, fester, and igor and i love every single one of them with my entire heart 

also my bard was standing on a chair the entire time grendel was in the house which was probably an unrelated glitch but was VERY funny

most of the time no one seems to notice my weird little goblin friend but i did have one guy in solstheim briefly panic and call for help for no apparent reason and then get over it so he might have gotten freaked out before he realized i had the situation handled :’)

lucia’s kinda scared of them too :’( he’s nice,

BOY SAVED ME FROM A DRAUGR I DIDN’T EVEN SEE NICE WORK BUDDY!!! 

look at this sickass skull we found and also my baby boy’s precious darling little face 

also the rest of the rieklings on the island still act aggressively toward me even if i have one of them with me, and my dude has no hesitation in attacking them so i guess there’s warring tribes going on or something :’) it is very stressful bc i do NOT want to end up hitting one of my boys on accident though 

found this in one of the enemy riekling caves, WHERE did u get this 

i dont think dark elves even worship dibella 

also, sidenote, why is dibella the only one who gets a statue she’s like my least favorite and she’s the only one i can have statues of

i mean i have some shrines in my falkreath basement now but why can’t i have like, a cool arkay statue or something

An Entire Fucking Pile Of Lusty Argonian Maid, which raises SO many more questions

can.... can rieklings read??? 

there was also one single telekinesis tome buried under all these. why 

[whyshanti]

twenty nineteen. periodt.

i genuinely felt the need to write this because i was bored i have not written anything in a really long time. but mostly because there’s only a few who might read this and not care afterwards. it sucks to not be able to do something that i used to enjoy for quite a while. but here i am!

a lot of thoughts to unburden and a lot of unspoken feelings to unpack. let’s get to it, bih.

1. this year felt like it was dragging on. i wanted it to end asap.

so this year, i actually had A LOT of time. where did it go? 

to: movies, series, anime, music, watching youtube videos, breakdowns, feeling stuck & paralyzed,  academics, reading articles about pop culture & mainstream shit, going out with friends, chatting random ppl at night bc i thought i could trust them (and some of them, i can), and etc.

but on a more serious note, i really was more into the world of media, of both mainstream and indie worlds. i still can’t believe i got through this semester when i have been doing these things unrelated to uni. some ppl are also baffled by this activity log that i have. 

point is: i felt like a walking zombie. probably looked like one as well. there is this routine that i have to do and i got really sick of myself. i didn’t have the motivation to strive more. i was always either sleeping (at least for the first half of the year) or watching. it all feels lifeless. the latter part of the year, my body clock was wrecked. i did not like the weather during daytime. at all. i slept during the day when i did not have classes then i was awake at night. but i try to get as much sleep as i can because my health is declining. i think.

also this year felt like it had 3 sequels. unnecessary, boring, full-of-jump-scares type of sequels. fuck.

2. feeling anxious and chill at the same time.

the only thing that made me feel chill at the latter part of the year is the fact that this shit... like all these shitty things we’ve been doing... will pass anyway. 

i don’t know if it’s because of the new system that was implemented but it definitely feels like the stress levels were high only during exam weeks. for real. i am grateful to have THAT kind of “stress privilege (??)” but i also wish i was stressing over something that gives me LIFE. i know i’m studying for something that will actually help me provide something for myself and for my family but my soul (oh crap here’s where things get cheesy) screams i should do something else. 

my friend always tells me to chill but i couldn’t because there’s always that nagging thought that i have to do something productive everyday. i think it stems from past disappointments, failed expectations from ppl close to me, and just basically feeling like a failure. i’m a frantic mess who somehow has the time to do unnecessary things. wish the energy was put into finishing acads on time or earlier, but here we are. think they meant that i should be chill with mysef. to be kind to myself. to not panic and breathe.

another thing is that there’s a load of information shoved in my head that really paralyzes me to act on something.

3. leaving behind the things i’ve outgrown.

it’s so funny how i’ve met few new people this year who i already treasure only to have quite a number of people to walk out of my life.

it’s not really surprising to me. i think we all wanted it to happen anyway. i’m just happy that things kind of subtly fell apart for things to make more sense. the feeling is kind of like how a misplaced puzzle piece is put into its rightful place. finally, i don’t have to force myself and i think the feelings are mutual. anyway, this year was a revelation in itself despite how dragging the pacing felt. love how the gunk went out and i see now what i’ve been blind to. chuck the deuce! definitely a thank u, next moment.

4. meeting new people, unexpected unions.

i definitely did not expect to form connections and be reunited with some of my old friends this year. also witnessed deepened friendships. 

there’s always this thing where i put my energy on a high level when i’m meeting new people just to seem decent and happy then slowly revealing how tired, sad, and boring i can be. then there’s that fear of losing people’s interest in me or people not becoming excited to talk to me about... anything really. never thought i’d have this fear of losing certain people in my life. i want to detach myself from that and from people themselves too (in a healthy way ofc). 

i’ve never ever felt like i could lose people in an instant. there’s that thing where i worry if i’m too much or i’m lacking for people. so i appreciate people who let me know if i’m crossing the line or if i’m doing something that completely annoys them because i really want to be part of people’s lives, meaningfully and genuinely. a good one. i don’t want to half-ass my relationships with other people and i seek loving relationships that thrive and inspire where it doesn’t only get good at the start but is continually progressing even when we don’t see each other often. it’s fascinating how as we get older, we see how relationships are not as simple as we think they are but really are simple at the same time. we have different goals, we are at different stages in our lives, we are facing shit that nobody else seems to understand and things that don’t seem to end, and we can only hope that our mere presence and emotionally available hearts will listen to whatever the other person has to unburden. 

to somehow let them know that they don’t need permission to rest and to do things that they are afraid of pursuing. 

4a. discovering new artists.

AURORA: the most underrated artist for sure. watched every interview/video/set because she is that bitch. her SONGS, man. i swear. she is that ethereal fairy from the forest. her fucking voice just draws me in. she deserved a better role in frozen 2 tho. she needs to be a lead in a musical animated movie. idc idc i said what i said.

beabadoobee: fucking rockstar, reviving the 90s grunge music and looks.

Billie Eilish: a badass. hate how she still stans bieber tho. 

5. daydreaming of a new life.

you don’t know how many times i’ve been dreaming to have a big house. 

it’s time. we really need a new house. i’m not, as what the kids say, vibing with this old house anymore. this is what i wish to leave behind as soon as possible. how do i even get the MONEY to afford it? i’m just hoping for a miracle to happen, you know. i really wish my family gets to be in a better home soon.

i think if u know me, u might have caught me spacing out a few times. 

idk why this always happens. it’s so rude to the person speaking to me but my mind literally drifts off to another planet. it’s not that they’re boring. i just can’t help it. i feel like shit thinking about how many times it has happened to me. 

sometimes, i dream of being this whole new different person. 

someone who is better than who i am. someone who is good at something and is passionate about the things she does. there are a lot of things i am interested in doing but i don’t have the courage to actually do it. idk why i always turn into a statue when i think of things that i wanna do.

6. God.

it’s been a long time. i have lost contact with You but You are always there to patch things up for me. every effin’ time. i cry everytime.

it must be because i was raised in a christian setting. that’s why i always think it’s You who’s working behind the scenes. but still i am grateful.

saved me from certain people.

saved me this semester.

saved me from pulling worthless all-nighters.

provided me financially esp when i thought i had nothing.

prevented a severe acid reflux situation.

gave me new friends.

did literally so many things that saved me from bad situations and people in general like WHO DOES THAT??

7. a life without a plan.

this is literally what i wanted to happen. not carelessly but like where i don’t have to worry about what to do next. just let things be and go with the flow. the first half of this year, i really did not think things through as i normally would and i let plans fall just to enjoy what was in front of me. be at ease and be present during that time. and i did. it was a peaceful, cheery time tbh.

8. every day i wanted to start over just to get over a lot of things.

9. i missed a lot of ppl.

10. i wanted to be held. not by a certain someone. not romantically. but by anyone close to me. *plays i’m with you by avril lavigne*

sometimes we all just need a long hug. that’s all. and it’d be nice to hear more stories from people. :)

11. not everybody will reciprocate the same energy that i send out to them and it’s okay.

this bummed me out. felt like an effin’ loser but i’ve learned that people have businesses to do. life doesn’t always happen the way we want it to.

12. this the final year of college. just finish it already, dumbass. 

13. why can’t i just be kathryn bernardo or AURORA for like a month or a year? i promise i will not ruin their careers lmao.

14. i want to make major changes in my stupid life but money is an issue.

15. the stars are below the sky now.

the state of the environment is the same as of our minds. polluted and overloaded with gibberish to the point that we get scared of doing one thing at a time and where we also don’t throw away the unnecessary baggage/s. 

we’re so intent on doing things all at the same time. finishing everything in one sitting. being productive became an addiction and it scared me how i was becoming affected by this. there’s this constant thought that we collectively share which is to do something by every day and it only adds up to people’s anxiety and depression. social media definitely made us aware of mental illnesses/disorders but then it became a trend. people self-diagnose themselves and end up with the wrong treatment. some people use it as a tool to get followers and... ugh it’s all a mess. i hope people get the right treatment/s AND/or professional help because if they don’t, they’ll lose themselves. i mean... just look at the sky. there’s literally no sign of a star now if u live in the city. we’ve lost sight of what should guide us. we are unconsciously following a false light thru our devices. 

i’m not good at analogies or at explaining things as u can tell. but moving on...

this hyper self-awareness that i have gained from social media has its advantages but is also distracting me from living my best life. i didn’t realize that i was making my own christmas lights inside my seemingly dark mind when really... it’s just clouded by all this information that’s coming in fast and has affected who i am and certain areas of my life. i’ve almost forgotten this and i’ve come to believe again that there’s always an ever-present light and it will take time to get used to its brightness once my mind gets clearer by the day. hopefully, it will.

anyway, CLIMATE CHANGE IS REAL AND WE NEED TO SAVE EARTH. 

16. men are trash. 

17. the people who i should avoid always looks odd or unpleasant and has bad energy. i know shit when i sense one. 

18. i’m not happy with my life and with who i am but i’ll work with what i’ve got.

life gives u a mirror and shits on your face. sheesh.

for some reason, i can’t forget what my adviser told me during my 4th year of high school. she told me “it seems like you’re a person full of regrets” and every time i have a cryfest, i think of that. idk why. (never underestimate the power of a few words, folks). you know how like in flow charts, u encounter decision points? the diamond shapes? i think i always decide no and end up with the worst consequence and then there’s no more starting over. 

i don’t think i understand flow charts well. ugh. 

i can’t come up with a cool transition to me having insecurities so let’s say i did!

some people’s beauty, inspiring. but others just make you feel like shit.

i really want to explore my feminine side more because i was more masculine when i was younger. i’m not gentle, i’m a bit aggressive. and it just doesn’t fit with who i want to be. idk why. and also, it’s fun (!!!). you get a taste of what it’s like and it’s so EMPOWERING at least for the short experience that i had. but can make me feel very conscious of my entire being and i just end up wearing cartoony disguises. ironic but BABY STEPS. when i think about it, there’s really no black or white answer whether this or that is feminine or masculine.  

self-love is not a 5-step process. 

it is continuous improvement of oneself to the point where you don’t give a fuck about what they say. i really envy the ones who are comfortable in their own skin, who are totally embracing their flaws. they just bloom. some people just look like them. like it’s SO THEM. unmistakably them. and i think if everyone had that, we would not have standards anymore.

oh, to live in a time where individuality is encouraged but is also discouraged when not lived up to its standards. hurray.

19. this year was the year of mindless decisions. periodt.

20. hoping that the new year, 2020, will be the year of CLARITY where i know who i really am, embracing it, and where i will not be taking anymore of anyone’s bullshit. where i know where i stand in my relationships with other people and vice versa. there will be intentional but meaningful endings that will pave the way for blossoming beginnings. 

let’s hope it unfolds the way it should be. for the better.

bonus: nobody knows what the fuck they’re doing. everyone’s just going with the flow. be yourself.

note: this is a compilation of thoughts, informally. thank u.

[champagnemiracles]

”oh, you have such strange ideas about love.” “maybe we should just do what you do. you meet, you have lunch, and you get married.” “oh, you forgot about happily ever after.“ “forget about happily ever after, it doesn't exist.” edit// this is taken!!!

FORGIVE ME FOR THIS GARBAGE/RANDOM/LUCID REQUEST bc my ac is broken and i’m slowly spiraling into sweat insanity, but i got this convoluted idea from the movie ‘enchanted’ and i wanted to make something out of it. WHO DOESN’T LOVE DISNEY PRINCESSES I MEAN??? so if you love disney and utter cuteness and playing romance crazy characters, then this sucker is MADE FOR YOU. all i ask is that you don’t mind mature themes (my boy is a sad) can do both comm and regular threads and most importantly, have the time to dedicate to this little story. personally i won’t be on every day so i don’t expect ‘round the clock stuff but if you know you’re going on a long trip, have exams or will be gone for weeks at a time, i don’t suggest taking this. BUT IF YOU’RE COOL WITH ALL THAT THEN PLS CONTINUE READING THIS MUMBO JUMBO!!!

i haven’t written out a 100% solid backstory for my guy max atwood (matthew daddario) but what i have in my head is that max was the youngest of two boys, and was extremely close to his older brother even though they were polar opposites. his brother was highly emotional, very artistic and very connected to the earth in an almost hippie fashion, whereas max is vastly more pessimistic, detached, and only passionate about few things (his brother was a sculptor, max is grounded in music due to his mother and became a club dj on the rise) despite their differences deep down max always looked up to his brother, admired that he could achieve an ‘american’ dream while max was moreso dredged in reality, working his ass off and keeping relationships at arms length. in short max’s brother moved from boston and went and made a life for himself elsewhere (they kept in close contact) and in that time became a father of his singular daughter gwendolyn. though max is super anti-kid the few times he saw his niece he still softened to her and respected that his brother was taking fatherhood in stride. now i’m not sure about the mother side of things yet, but as a soured result of his relationship with gwen’s mother, max’s brother recently committed suicide and left max ABSOLUTELY devastated and furious. ‘why didn’t he reach out,’ ‘why did he leave me behind’ kind of furious. they were supposed to be brothers after all.

amidst his grief, shock and unrelenting frustration max tried to carry on with potentially signing on to a tour in his dj career, but social services swerved into his lane with shocking news. due to the absence of the mother (be it death or the fact that she’s unfit) and his parents being too unwell to raise a child, max’s brother stipulated in both his goodbye letter and will that max gain custody of gwendolyn. max, being a typically single cynic with no idea how to tend to a child, was terrified at the idea of essentially becoming a ‘dad.’ but in thinking of his brother and his innocent niece in the hands of somebody other than him, he couldn’t withstand anybody else taking guardianship of her. he went through all the necessary paperwork, court legalities and what not, and halted his career to raise gwen in boston. it’s been a year since he’s gained custody, gwen is at the chatterbox age of six and she’s literally the only being to garner any kind of emotion/tenderness from max. he’d rather hang himself then admit he loves playing princess and dragon with her, has soaked his pink nail polished fingers in acetone for days at a time and sometimes tears up when gwen claims she’s glad her uncle could now be her daddy. he likes to think he’s getting the hang of this parenting thing (lbr his braiding techniques suck, he overfills her lunch box as if she’s eating for five and threatens any kids that tease her with shit like ‘i’m going to come out your fucking closet and eat your oreos, kid’) but it’s come at the cost of zero progression within his career, and having to remain grounded when before he was content with drinking, fooling about and letting the laundry pile up.

not to mention his love life is on empty and gwen doesn’t let him forget it (’she’s pretty huuuuuuuuuh??’ ‘yeah, but sunsets are pretty too and we don’t fling ourselves into the sun gwen.’) between dj-ing at night, rushing gwen to school in the morning and basically not trusting anyone near his daughter niece, max just hasn’t bothered. THIS IS WHERE THE GAL I’M REQUESTING COMES IN. it’s the eve of gwen’s 7th birthday and he wants to do this one right (the last one he doesn’t even like to acknowledge, the donkey at the petting zoo bit her okay) so he puts together this park bash and hires a disney princess to entertain the kids (see this link if you don’t know what a princess party is!!!) in comes girl, which in my head i saw her playing as ariel but pending the face claim we can change the princess!! outside of her character persona this girl is a true romantic, having only had two relationships and deeply believing in soulmates, marriage ect. disgustingly bubbly, extraordinarily good with kids, it’s as if she’s literally a human disney character (like giselle in enchanted “it's like you escaped from a hallmark card or something”) needless to say when max first meets her he’s like “.................-snorts-” but when he sees how gwen responds to her....oh boy it’s over. she makes the party a hit and gwen will NOT shut up about how perfect she is. that night max literally bangs his head on the wall because this is STUPID why is he thinking about a chick that acts like a three year old for a living and talks about true love and UGH DUMB HER EYES WERE SO NICE THOUGH.

it seems as though girl was thinking of him too. because she sends a text (initially the messaging was used to set up the party) talking about how much she adored gwen and thought he was a very attentive father. much against his better judgement they have a day out (for ice cream because she’s so pure she doesn’t bask in the bar scene) and it’s like the grim reaper and cupid are waltzing down the street, she’s so full of energy and warmth over all things bad and max is just like.....how do you fucking exist THERE IS NO HAPPY ENDING FOR ANY OF US WE ALL DIE AND THAT’S IT. he’s so down and jaded over his brother and won’t outright tell her, so instead he jabs fingers and yells and tries to get her to understand that life isn’t a god damn fairytale. but much atone to his brother, her affirmation that there /is/ something good waiting for him gives him hope. he hates that shit, why does she DO that. it’s what makes him keep coming around, very very slowly altering his perceptions in the way that she dances on street corners without music, dishes out twenties to the homeless and leaves breakfast bagels on his doorstep (annoyingly THE KIND HE LIKES TOO) to the point where they having an outing with both them and gwen and....it’s so perfect. so god damn perfect, as if they’ve been a family unit all along. to want somebody in his life, one that grossly objects to everything he’s believed in...it’s paralyzing. to be happy for once, he can’t exactly cope with it.

naturally he’ll fuck it all up at some point, probably upsetting both her and gwen, and i’ve yet to decide if gwen’s mother will be alive and come into the picture, idk yet!!! but it’ll be adorable and then it’ll BURN BECAUSE I’M AWFUL. but oh god it’s all so sugary and lame i LOVE IT PLEASE TAKE HER. in my mind i had holland roden or lily collins to coincide with her playing red haired ariel but if you already have a face and want to take this we can work something out!!! she’d be around 25-26, probably a boston native, working for a princess party company and like a living fairytale in her ideals (but probably so far gone that she doesn’t know how to cope with bad shit or rejection, is probably naive, just to name a few negative traits!!!) the rest is up to you! drop a reply or send me an ask for her and i’ll respond asap <3