Fade Out Again (Thom Yorke X Reader)
For @shehangsbrightly
prompt: honestly i would be allll over the bends era thom, and i think something angsty is what i’m feeling rn. do your magic 😌
Gender Neutral and SFW
CW: angst, burnout, arguments, swearing, guilt, break up, bad mental health.
“I really don’t know what you want from me! I thought you’d be happy to see me after, I don’t know? Nearly a year? But no, I’m the bad guy as always!”
“You think that you’re the only one this tour has taken a toll on? I haven’t been in the comfort of my own home in a year. I haven’t seen my friends or family in a YEAR! You can’t always expect to be my top priority!”
“Obviously. You know, every tour you do the more of a self-centered asshole you become. Just because your band is ‘making it big’ doesn’t mean you have to treat the people in your life like shit, Thom! It isn’t just me. Ed literally has told me numerous stories from when you got too drunk to even perform! You promised.”
“Oh enough of that promise bullshit Y/N! I’m sick of it!”
“Well, that shows how much you fucking cared about it, huh? Shows what a promise means to you? You’re pathetic. The amount of love and support I have poured into you since fucking college and one hit song throws every promise and hope for our future away.”
“Oh fuck off.”
I let out a dry laugh and walked to our bedroom. I grabbed a suitcase and packed as much as I could shove into it.
“What are you doing now?”
“Fucking off. I’m done, Thom. Absolutely done.”
“Yeah sure. You won’t last more than two days Y/N, and you know it. We’ve been through this before.”
I stormed towards him, his back colliding with the wall. I looked into his eyes, trying to look for any sign of remorse in his cold, blue orbs.
“Not this time Thom. I’m tired of crawling back to you with hopes that things will be how they used to again. I am tired of endlessly longing for you to return the love I give to you. You’ve changed and if this is you now? I want no part of it.”
He scoffed and looked away from me.
“Anything to say? Or are you too good for that, Mr. Big Rockstar?”
“Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
I scoffed and grabbed my stuff. I stormed out onto the snowy streets. It was freezing but I didn’t dare look back. It felt like I had been walking for hours before I found a phone booth. I put the change in the slot and dialed the only number I could remember through my rage.
“Hey, Eddie? It’s Y/N..”
“What happened this time?”
“Well, what usually happens when he gets home I suppose. Are you busy?”
“Need somewhere to stay?”
“Ye-ah.” My voice cracked as tears swelled my eyes.
“Where are you, I’ll be there as soon as I can?”
---
It had been nearly two months since we broke up and not a word was spoken between us. Ed had generously let me rent out the spare room in his house until I got my shit together, which did not seem to be happening. All I could seem to do was cry, work, and sleep. Eddie was wonderful and tried to help when he could, but he tended to keep his distance. At some point, I knew Thom would end up stumbling into the house, however, I did not expect to hear his voice breaking downstairs as he talked to Ed.
Thom’s POV
“Ed, it’s driving me mad! Do you know where they are, have you heard from them, anything?”
“If they wanted you to know where they were, they would’ve contacted you. I can’t really help you, man.”
“I just. I can’t do this anymore. I need them, so badly. You don’t fucking understand.” I crumbled to the ground in tears. “It’s my fault. Every time they leave it’s my fault and- and I just expect them to come back. What happened to me, Eddie? What... happened?”
“Thom. You’re the only person who’s gonna be able to fix this and you know it. I’m not helping you anymore. We’ve been through this too many times. I’m not a fucking couples counselor!” He grabbed his hair in frustration.
“You… You too? You’re supposed to be my best friend, and you’re giving up on me too?”
“You know what, Thom? That’s your problem. You can’t take any fucking responsibility for anything, can you? It’s always somebody else’s fault with you!”
I couldn’t even form a response. My thoughts spiraled rapidly as I tried to figure out where everything went to shit.
“I-I’m so-rry. I don’t know what to do, a-and I don’t mean to throw it all on you, Eddie, you… You’re just always so good with this stuff and you know them so well and- and- and..”
“Thom,” He held his head in his hand, “take a breath. There’s no need for all the blubbering.”
“But-”
“Just shut up for a minute okay? I’ll be right back.”
He marched up the stairs and disappeared. A few minutes later he came back down. Followed by Y/N.
Y/N’s POV
His face was tear-stained and puffy. He was in a pile on the floor looking as hopeless as an abandoned puppy.
“Y/N..”
I felt my jaw clench as I looked at him. I wanted to slap him and yell at him for everything he put me through, but my body betrayed me. Instead, I found myself kneeling in front of him, arm reaching out to cup his face in my hand. Tears streamed down his cheeks once again as he rested in my palm. He turned to kiss my fingertips.
“I’m sorry Y/N… I took you for granted. I thought you would always come back, and this time you didn’t, and my ego left with you. I need you, I need you so badly love. I can’t do this without you. Please I will do anything to have you back… Please.” He was barely speaking and as he whispered he looked me in the eyes for the first time in years.
“I... I can’t, Thom.”
His posture snapped to attention and I watched his heart shatter again.
“Why not..?”
“You hurt me.”
Tears of my own now mimicked his.
“Please.”
“Thom, stop.”
“I can’t. I can’t because I love you, and if you ever loved me then you would come back.”
“Don’t you fucking dare with that bullshit Thomas.”
I stood and walked away, but he followed.
“Love doesn’t go away Y/N, you told me that yourself. If you loved me you wouldn’t walk away like this. You’re really willing to throw everything away like that?”
“Stop. Thom, I- I can’t do this, just go.”
“I’m not leaving without you.”
“And I’m not leaving with you.”
He approached me and gently grabbed my hands, giving me the same damn look he did every time he wanted to get his way.
“No, Thom. Stop. Please.”
“One more chance, that’s all I ask. If I fuck it up again I promise you will never hear from me again. I’ll take you on the next tour, I’ll let you get a puppy like you’ve always wanted. Literally, anything you want is yours. You don’t ever have to work again. Just, please?”
“You still don’t get it. I don’t want material things or money. I don’t, well I do want a puppy,” We chuckled, “But that’s not why I left. All I want is your love, some of your time and attention. I want to feel safe with you. I want to feel at home. I don’t feel like that with you anymore. The only feelings that run through me when I look at you are sadness and insecurity. You make me feel like a child being scolded by their mother. I just can’t live like that again.”
“I promise that I will fix what needs to be fixed and will do anything I can to make you feel safe again, just trust me.”
“We both know promises aren’t your thing.”
“I’ll keep this one.”
“I can’t believe that, Thom.”
“I’ll let Ed take over the band if I break this promise and I will never perform with Radiohead again.”
“Oh, shove off you lunatic! I’m not worth that. Your fans would have my head.”
“I’m serious.”
“You make everything so hard on me.”
“Jesus, Y/N would you please just say yes? All you have done the past two months aside from work is cry and sleep. I can barely get you to eat. Just get it over with. If he fucks you over again I will personally skin him alive, just, get it over with you two!”
Thom looked at me hopefully. I sighed.
“Fine.”
“THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!”
He planted kisses all over my face and pulled me into a tight hug.
“Jesus, Thom, you smell! When was your last shower?”
“I... I have no clue,” He scratched his neck and looked at the ground.
“I mean, you are rank! You smell like a secondary boys locker room after P.E.”
“Okay, in my defense, I didn’t think you were going to be here.”
“Yeah, so it’s okay that I suffer in your stench then?”
“Well, we’ve shared a tour bus, I figure that you’re used to it by now.”
“Well, by that logic, if Y/N is coming on tour with us, they better get used to it too, because you’ve smelled worse after a show.”
“Lovely.”
He laughed and engulfed me in a hug again. I gave in and dug my face into his neck, letting him rock us side to side.
“Let’s get you home then, yeah?”
“If anyone needs to get home it’s you so you can shower!”
“We can shower together if you’d like.”
“Okay, yeah, if you could leave the dirty talk for the car ride home it would be appreciated.”
We laughed once again.
“I’ll go pack,” I placed a soft kiss on his cheek before walking up the stairs.
“I love you, Y/N!”
“I love you too Thom.”
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Thank you for tagging me, @shehangsbrightly !
rules: you can usually tell a lot about a person by the type of music they listen to! put your music on shuffle and list the first ten songs, then tag ten people. no skipping!
1. Blurry by Puddle of Mudd
2. Uh-Oh by Puddle of Mudd
3. By The Way by the Red Hot Chili Peppers
4. Swing Swing by the All American Rejects
5. Into The Ocean by Blue October
6. Breakeven by The Script
7. Still Breathing by Green Day
8. Best Of You by the Foo Fighters
9. Every Time I Look For You by Blink-182
10. It Ends Tonight by the All American Rejects
I swear it was on shuffle, lol... apparently I just have too much Puddle of Mudd and the All American Rejects to get a proper shuffle. (Kinda surprised there wasn’t more Blink-182 lol)
I tag...
@disenchanted-mona-lisa @why-do-you-pick-flowers @smarmyanarchist @that-59sound @mac-n-cheese-flavored-arson @vstheworld @geneticallyclosertoamoth @rosenquarts4u @blepharoptosis @youreyesterdaysvomit
Love you guys! Hope you enjoy the game :)
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