#shedding aliens wingman

[madcaphat]

On a ship that hosts a Stabby, the space roomba that is well adored, a new crew member is taken on. This alien sheds like a Christmas tree losing needles on the way out of the house in January. Of course, stabby begins diligently following the mess.

Which leads to a surprisingly warm welcome from the crew who exclaim "well if stabby likes you you must be ok. "

The alien is bamboozled but grateful to be accepted by the crew so quickly.

A few key members of the crew are suddenly very jealous that Stabby has a favorite. The engineers order a few Stablets to follow this alien around and allow stabby to return to its normal course so the rest of the crew stop causing an upheaval of leaving crumbs out to lure Stabby into their department.

[lambourngb]

Day 2: AU get me out of here - places to go when canon is complicated

It’s Day 2 for @roswellnewmexicocreate, time to celebrate those stories that I turn to when I can’t deal with canon, or when I don’t have the emotional energy to untangle all the emotions I have for what’s going on in canon. Alternative universes, the safe harbor for us. Below are a mix of rewrites of canon, remixes of canon, or out right not even set in Roswell- to fill every type distance you want from canon- from near to far.

and the howl of the desert carries me home by @christchex​/ @michaels-blackhat​ (4,334) Alex runs into the desert to escape from his father with his guitar clutched to his chest. He plans to spend one last night playing before his father destroys it. Instead, he meets a cute boy with flowers in his curly hair and a lizard on his shoulder. He exchanges a song for a smile.

why i like it: I love everything about this story. Michael is totally a disney princess, and what a lovely way to save him from foster homes, but have him run away to the desert and use his alien powers to build his own little protective world. Looping in Nora’s plant powers like that, giving Michael a little animal friend, I love it all, but the show stealer is Alex Manes, playing music to coax the mystery boy out. It’s just incredibly soft.

***

Heartbeat series by @adiwriting ​ (133,000 - in progress) During the lost decade, Alex gets Michael pregnant and Michael doesn't see or hear from him again for the next four and a half years. When Alex comes back to town, he discovers he has a daughter with Michael and they all have to figure out how to be a family.

why i like it: it has it all, installments with angst, installments with fluff, I can find whatever mood I am in by just pouring over this incredible series. I really don’t even like mpreg, but in RNM, with aliens it seems a little more probable to me and bless Britt, she goes light on the details but heavy on the kid aspect of it. I absolutely love Alex in this story, he’s richly characterized as a man who is trying hard while wandering unfamiliar territory like aliens, like being a dad, like being Michael’s boyfriend, and he doesn’t always get it right, but he’s loved regardless.

***

tonight we are young @skinsharpenedteeth (8,137) Alex and Michael ditch the Evans' New Years Eve party to find their own fun and Alex gets his New Years kiss...(the underage tag is because they're both 17 in this.)

why i like it: I’m a sucker for teen!Malex, especially stories that take place before the shed. I love this little AU where Alex is thinking about making a move, but hasn’t yet. They are both adorable nervous babies, this feels very much how a softer teen!Malex first time would go. Perfectly characterized here, you can just feel the hopeful vibes they have at 17. I like to believe nothing bad ever happens to them again.

***

you shift on a gear (it’s been a long year) by @backinmybodymp3 (28, 362) “Good morning,” Michael says. “What the hell did you do?” Alex asks, exasperated. (or: There were times, in some of the lower moments of the past however-many-days it’s been, where Michael had thought about what it might’ve been like to share this time loop with someone. He never imagined— well, he never imagined it’d be Alex.)

why i like it: I love time-loop stories! And this is just superb. The friendship dynamics of everyone involved, the Liz/Max wedding, Michael being a good brother, Michael trying so hard to keep this bullshit from dragging Alex in and then Alex being his usual reckless self when it comes to Michael, I absolutely dig this canon-divergent au. you can feel how much the author cares about everyone on the show in this story, and they really nail the Malex dynamic. This story came along just as season 3 did and it’s a true antidote to the malex drought on screen.

***

the library by @arielana (9,657)  Alex had stopped too far away to hear exactly what they were saying, but their voices did carry over to where he was standing. The guy’s drawl had a melody to it that was vaguely familiar, but much deeper than the voice it reminded Alex of. God, that and the hair really brought some memories back.  Just as Alex told himself to stop secretly staring like a creep and walk over there, he turned slightly so that Alex got a glimpse of the side of his face.  Fuck!  Fuck, fuck, fuck! Twelve years ago Alex left Roswell to join the Air Force, nursing a broken heart and promising to never return. When work brings him back to New Mexico he runs into someone he’d been sure he’d never see again.

why i like it: the first kiss in the UFO emporium was groundbreaking, but I have to admit, I love stories that explore the almost-happened, where Malex reconnect as adults without the shadow of Jesse’s attack. I love how sharp Alex is in this story, he has all these walls as an adult built from that first rejection, but then he’s so completely unprepared to reconnect with Michael again. The clownery in this story by both of them is perfect! I also totally love Forrest as a gay best friend for Alex, trying to wingman Alex, that cracked me up.

***

stellar light based life by @jocarthage (30,651) It’s not a memory if it’s something you see every day. It’s a trigger and it’s not one Alex wants to ever let go of.Alex saw Michael disappear into a blinding blue light, soft 17-year-old body pulled back into some kind of impossible vortex -- one hand, outstretched.

why i like it: another submission from 2020 RNM Big Bang, this story just wrecked me. I can’t even really put into words about how it hooked me and basically lives in my head now to the point I often mumble the first line to myself. Anyway, this AU takes a right turn at the shed attack, and goes full force scifi and tragic separation, I love it. In so many ways it reshapes Alex’s life but the core of who he is never changes, there’s so many great science geekery details about Michael’s planet and the astronaut journey that Alex takes, plus SANDERS... anyway, this is a fandom classic for me.

***

Crossed Wires by @beautifulcheat, @ladynox (15,351) Michael's been kicked off more than one Starfleet posting. So when he learned he was reassigned to the USS Roswell, he decided that he would keep his head down and behave. This decision is immediately thwarted when he meets her hot Vulcan captain.This might be the first time Michael got kicked off a posting for flirting with a captain.

why i like it: Star Trek AU? I’m pretty easy. Seeing elements of Kirk and Spock’s tragic backstory blended into genius mechanic Michael Guerin and ice prince Alex Manes was amazing. I love how it’s serving with his family that brings Michael to the Enterprise, his bond with Max and Isobel was chef’s kiss good. The blend of Michael’s powers and Alex’s biology - I loved the balance even if it came with its own misunderstandings, but hey, this time it was cultural! lol

***

I’m still here by @vague-shadows @pippsmcgee  (35,928) Treasure Planet AU in which Michael is the gifted young delinquent who found a treasure map, and Alex is a space pirate pawn in his Father's obsession with riches and legacy.

why i like it: I’ve never seen Treasure Planet, but I didn’t need to thoroughly enjoy this AU. This was the perfect mix of angst and sci-fi adventure, where the authors managed to make the shed even more horrifying. Jesse Manes is the absolute worst in this story, the levels of obsession he goes to find a treasure, and then Michael on his own collision course - the ability to write tense action is a gift, and it’s on display in this story. Cyborg!Alex took up a place in my heart and still lives there, where he only gets the nicest things.

If you like any of these recs, please leave a comment on the story or a kudo- a  ‘this was awesome’ is enough to propel an author into the stratosphere with happiness, so don’t worry about coming up with a unique, never before shared insight- sometimes a keyboard smash and emoji makes all  the difference!

[apexlegendsdeutsch-blog]

Shotgun Games, Gun Games, Shooting Games

Shotgun Games, Gun Games, Shooting Games. A traditional game so common it was ported to the Unity net player. Comes with the .. We preferred this sport so much that we nearly sponsored it. Outpost is an impressive alien shooter with beautiful graphics and a detailed sto.. I am unable to tell if this recreation is old or simply has a unique factor factor vibe. It's again to basics with the latest thirteen days recreation. Point, click, and survive as l.. I've been a long time fan of teh SWAT recreation series, so I'm happy to share this gr.. Stop the stick-swordsmen from attending to your house by constructing towers and upgra.. This pink haired amine girl likes guns and shooter awesomeness. Great defense fashion shooting game with many guns to upgrade. You possibly can principally buy .. Outpost is a formidable alien shooter with gorgeous graphics and an in depth sto.. Build structures while repairing your balloon, capturing monsters, and upgrading .. You’ll spend numerous time digging in menus to handle stock. • How will this free game make money? Screen Rant’s Rob Keyes explains: “The game’s monetization mannequin includes promoting premium currency that can be spent on (very costly) premium character and weapon skins, and the game’s loot boxes (referred to as Apex Packs). The Apex Packs comprise every thing from skins, to emotes, strains of dialogue for characters, and scrap that can be utilized to craft cosmetics not but acquired. “The finest a part of this take on the Overwatch loot formulation is that there aren't any duplicates, and the rarity levels of the whole lot are outlined on the official Apex Legends website,” Keyes wrote. • The sport was a shock arrival, a move Business Insider’s Ben Gilbert stated EA pulled off deftly. “It’s an enormous risk—or at least it appears like an enormous risk—to launch a recreation with no rigorously planned advertising and marketing campaign,” Gilbert wrote. “Instead, EA labored with a big group of influencers who had a chance to play the game one week earlier than launch. • GamesRadar found the sport exceptional for a brand new, free-to-play, amusement. Perhaps most baffling of all is how on earth Apex Legends is a free to play game,” its review read. “With almost two years of improvement time at a AAA studio made up of trade veterans, without even launching in early access, it's a miracle that Apex Legends is free-to-play. Email David Marino-Nachison at david.marino-nachison@barrons.com. Follow him at @marinonachison and follow Barron’s Next at @barronsnext. No new weapons, characters, or other content was revealed in this announcement. However, alongside the patch notes, the studio took the opportunity to share a few of its philosophy around balance, laying the groundwork for what to expect in updates to come. For character steadiness, we have a look at a mix of things: choose fee, win rate, and character v. character matchup win fee. The studio also shared a key detail round the way it thinks about weapon stability. Respawn's purpose is not to make every gun equally viable ("We love y’all’s ‘Bique memes, so we’re hesitant to lose that,") but to intentionally build energy differences between the game's weapons as a way to create significant, fun discrepancies. In apex legends deutsch following Apex's sudden release, hitboxes have been some of the-mentioned issues. On this subject, Respawn clarified its philosophy whereas shedding gentle on the tweaks it plans to make. Respawn says it intends to "reduce" and "optimize" the hitbox dimension of the three largest characters—Pathfinder, Gibraltar, and Caustic—with the Apex Legends Season 1 patch. Finally, Respawn acknowledged the chorus of pleas anticipating Apex Legends Season 1 and its still-unofficial whereabouts. Jay Frechette, Respawn community supervisor. Increased base hip hearth unfold and decreased the rate at which hip hearth unfold decays (shrinks again down). Shotgun Bolt rechamber charge has been reduced for the Peacekeeper only. Wingman and Peacekeeper availability has been lowered in all zone tiers. Increased availability of power weapons & ammo in all zone tiers. Caustic sometimes inflicting disconnects whereas throwing his Ultimate. Pathfinder often causing disconnects when activating a Survey Beacon. Players occasionally causing disconnects when removing an attachment. Gibraltar occasionally inflicting disconnects when pulling up his Gun Shield. Players occasionally inflicting disconnects when entering Spectate Mode. Simply seek for the title, obtain the game and enjoy! But do remember that a superb internet join and subscription to either PS Plus, Xbox Live or Origin Access is required to play. The good news is that Apex Legends may even be coming to cellular. In response to EA's CEO, Andrew Wilson, it could quickly be following within the footsteps of console-turned-cellular hits Fortnite and PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds and coming to each Android and iOS devices in the not-so-distant future. Apex Legends has now officially launched its first season, dubbed Wild Frontier. Together with this speedy new Legend, the Wild Frontier Battle Pass additionally affords the flexibility to earn one hundred new objects, equivalent to Legend Skins, Apex Coins and a new legendary Havoc skin. Players who wish to get a head start can instantly unlock the primary 25 levels (out of 100 out there in Season 1) by buying the Battle Pass Bundle, which costs 2,800 Apex Coins. In line with EA, Apex Legends will comply with a seasonal mannequin with each themed season bringing new content material to the game in the form of latest weapons, new Legends, new skins and extra.

[yesokayiknow]

I would give anything for an episode where all the science nerds of the different superhero teams in the Arrowverse meet up! So much craziness and shenanigans would occur, it would be amazing.

@ arrowverse writers, here’s my pitch fora geek squad episode:

so there’s another big crossover event. somethinghappens that needs everyone on earth-1 (and i’m talking everyone, including alex and winn and james, but not j’onn, becausesure, dimension hopping is fun, but you know what’s also fun? stopping national city from being destroyed by alienswhile supergirl’s on vacation). i’m guessing it happens in central, because starcity’s murder town and nobody wants to take kara there. now this is the cw, soeveryone falls out at least twice because of ~secrets~ and at least five peopletell barry to believe in himself, but eventually they manage to save the day.

so now the fighting’s over, it’s time for…fighting each other, and thesuperheroes and vigilantes all go off to beat up each other up in barry’s airhangar/punching shed, leaving the geek squad behind.

cisco, with his vibe face on: you knowwhat? i think i’ll stay behind. for absolutely no reason at all

now ray was planning to stay anyway,because felicity’s like his soulmateokay, and it’s been years since they’veseen each other.

everyone else: it’s been two months

ray and felicity: years

alex wasplanning to go, but like, as fun as punching random strangers is, she’s on an alternate earth and she so needs tocheck out the science. firestorm were going to go too, but stein wants to catchup with lily, and jax wants to know what it’s like not being the most sensibleone in the room for once (well, the second most sensible one, next to amaya, obviously).

cisco, gently pushing jesse behind him to stop her from leaving: wow what a coincidence all of the scientists just happened tostay behind

so basically: felicity, curtis, cisco,caitlin, jesse, alex, winn, ray, jax, and martin and lily stein all in one room. and the waverider’s parked nearby, so they’ve got gideon too.

and then for about half an hour, everybodyjust chills?

ray and felicity finish each other’ssentences and seem as if they’re related, which freaks everyone else out whenthey find out they dated, winn’s highkey in love with felicity and cisco andlowkey terrified of alex and caitlin, curtis and jesse dismantle one of thet-spheres and spread it out on a table and everyone else keeps wandering overand changing like one thing and then wandering away again, alex and caitlinbond over being the team medic and also the badass slytherin teammate, jax andlily shyly flirt with each other while stein stands next to them and is anawkward wingman for both of them. meanwhile, cisco stands in the corner andtries to look like he isn’t constantly checking his watch.

and then a thing happens.

cisco: oh what an unexpected turn ofevents!

it’s something big and potentially world ending and like yeah, they could go and getthe others (since they’re literally down the road, beating the crap out of eachother), or they could steal the waverider and fixit themselves.

gideon, through ray’scommlink: i’m not saying i’d love to finally have a team that think plansthrough and actually listen to me, but i’m also not not saying that

so they go.

alex ends up asteam leader because she’s literally the only one there who isn’t technicallystill a civilian, and felicity and winn and lily end up on comms and makestupid puns that are so bad they somehow loop back around into being good, and caitlinand ray are the muscle and are honestly the weirdest team-up ever but they makeit work, and jesse and firestorm are the distraction and basically just end upracing each other around the bad guys, and people keep lining up to let cisco throw them through aportal because it’s like the coolest move ever, and winn is maybe now also inlove with gideon, and ray probably loses like an arm or something but gideongrows it back for him, and then jesse and alex and caitlin maybe cry a littleover the technology in the medbay.

all in all: success.

they land back incentral about ten minutes before everyone else gets back from superhero fightclub, which gives them enough time to get their stories straight and wipe soot andblood off their faces

heroes/vigilantes: didyou guys get up to anything fun while we were gone?

geek squad: nopenothing happened we’ve been here the whole time

ray, at the exact sametime: we definitely didn’t steal the waverider and save the world

[book-picks-for-pride]

PRIDE MONTH SUPERHERO PICKS FOR YA

Superior by Jessica Lack

A superhero's intern falls in love with a supervillain's apprentice in this star-crossed LGBT YA story from The Book Smugglers.

Here's the thing about being a superhero intern: there's a lot less crime fighting than you think there will be, what with the whole liability issue and the administrative headache of constantly monitoring the Heroic Help Hotline. The most action that Jamie sees happens when he is kidnapped by the supervillain of the week--and then waits for his boss, Captain Superior, to show up and rescue him. Again.

On his most recent nabbing, Jamie gets to meet Tad, Terrorantula's new villainous apprentice. Even though they are supposed to be on opposite sides (or are they?), sparks fly almost immediately. So, when Tad offers to give Jamie much-needed self-defense classes, how could Jamie pass the opportunity to hang out with the coolest (and hottest) guy he knows?

But Tad has a secret--one that threatens the budding relationship between the two teenage sidekicks, and could destroy Captain Superior forever.

Young Avengers, Volume 1: Sidekicks(Young Avengers #1) by Allan Heinberg (Writer), Jim Cheung

In the wake of Avengers Disassembled, a mysterious new group of teen super heroes appears. But who are they? Where did they come from? And what right do they have to call themselves the Young Avengers?

Hero by Perry Moore

The last thing in the world Thom Creed wants is to add to his father's pain, so he keeps secrets. Like that he has special powers. And that he's been asked to join the League - the very organization of superheroes that spurned his dad. But the most painful secret of all is one Thom can barely face himself: he's gay.

But becoming a member of the League opens up a new world to Thom. There, he connects with a misfit group of aspiring heroes, including Scarlett, who can control fire but not her anger; Typhoid Larry, who can make anyone sick with his touch; and Ruth, a wise old broad who can see the future. Like Thom, these heroes have things to hide; but they will have to learn to trust one another when they uncover a deadly conspiracy within the League.

To survive, Thom will face challenges he never imagined. To find happiness, he'll have to come to terms with his father's past and discover the kind of hero he really wants to be.

Batwoman, Vol. 1: Hydrology (Batwoman #1) by J.H. Williams III (Writer, Illustrator), W. Haden Blackman (Writer), Amy Reeder (Illustrator), Richard Friend (Illustrator), Dave Stewart (Colourist)

A NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

As a part of the acclaimed DC Comics—The New 52 event of September 2011, Batwoman's new series finally begins! The creative team of J.H. Williams III and W. Haden Blackman launch the ongoing Batwoman series, as Batwoman (a.ka. Kate Kane) faces deadly new challenges in her war against Gotham City's underworld–and new trials in her personal life.Who or what is stealing children from the barrio, and for what vile purpose? Will Kate train her cousin, Bette Kane (a.k.a. Flamebird), as her new sidekick? How will she handle unsettling revelations about her father, Colonel Jacob Kane? And why is a certain government agency suddenly taking an interest in her? These are some of the questions that will be answered in this long-awaited series.

Runaways Deluxe, Vol. 1 (Runaways Deluxe #1) by Brian K. Vaughan, Adrian Alphona (Illustrator), Takeshi Miyazawa(Illustrations)

In Pride & Joy, six young friends discover their parents are all secretly super-powered villains Finding strength in one another, the shocked teens run away from home and straight into the adventure of their lives - vowing to turn the tables on their evil legacy. In Teenage Wasteland, the Runaways find a kindred spirit in a daring young stranger and welcome him into their fold. But will this dashing young man help the teenagers defeat their villainous parents... or tear them apart? Plus: who do you send to catch a group of missing, runaway teenage super-heroes? Marvel's original teen runaway crimefighters, Cloak and Dagger, make their first major appearance in years In The Good Die Young, the world as we know it is about to end, and the Runaways are the only hope to prevent it Our fledgling teenage heroes have learned how their parents' criminal organization began, and now they must decide how it should end. As the Runaways' epic battle against their evil parents reaches its shocking conclusion, the team's mole stands revealed, and blood must be shed. Which kids will still be standing when the smoke finally clears? Collects Runaways (Vol.1) #1-18.

Not Your Sidekick (Sidekick Squad #1) by C.B. Lee

Welcome to Andover… where superpowers are common, but internships are complicated. Just ask high school nobody, Jessica Tran. Despite her heroic lineage, Jess is resigned to a life without superpowers and is merely looking to beef-up her college applications when she stumbles upon the perfect (paid!) internship—only it turns out to be for the town’s most heinous supervillain. On the upside, she gets to work with her longtime secret crush, Abby, who Jess thinks may have a secret of her own. Then there’s the budding attraction to her fellow intern, the mysterious “M,” who never seems to be in the same place as Abby. But what starts as a fun way to spite her superhero parents takes a sudden and dangerous turn when she uncovers a plot larger than heroes and villains altogether.

Dreadnought (Nemesis #1) by April Daniels

Danny Tozer has a problem: she just inherited the powers of Dreadnought, the world’s greatest superhero.

Until Dreadnought fell out of the sky and died right in front of her, Danny was trying to keep people from finding out she’s transgender. But before he expired, Dreadnought passed his mantle to her, and those secondhand superpowers transformed Danny’s body into what she’s always thought it should be. Now there’s no hiding that she’s a girl.

It should be the happiest time of her life, but Danny’s first weeks finally living in a body that fits her are more difficult and complicated than she could have imagined. Between her father’s dangerous obsession with “curing” her girlhood, her best friend suddenly acting like he’s entitled to date her, and her fellow superheroes arguing over her place in their ranks, Danny feels like she’s in over her head.

She doesn’t have much time to adjust. Dreadnought’s murderer—a cyborg named Utopia—still haunts the streets of New Port City, threatening destruction. If Danny can’t sort through the confusion of coming out, master her powers, and stop Utopia in time, humanity faces extinction.

Junior Hero Blues by J.K. Pendragon

Last year, Javier Medina was your average socially awkward gay high schooler with a chip on his shoulder. This year, he's . . . well, pretty much the same, but with bonus superpowers, a costume with an ab window to show off his new goods, and a secret identity as the high-flying, wise-cracking superhero Blue Spark.

But being a Junior Hero means that Javier gets all the responsibility and none of the cool gadgets. It's hard enough working for the Legion of Liberty and fighting against the evil Organization, all while trying to keep on top of schoolwork and suspicious parents. Add in a hunky boyfriend who's way out of Javier's league, and an even hunkier villain who keeps appearing every time said boyfriend mysteriously disappears, and Blue Spark is in for one big dollop of teenage angst. All while engaging in some epic superhero action and, oh yeah, an all-out battle to protect Liberty City from the forces of evil.

Welcome to the 100% true and totally unbiased account of life as a teenage superhero.

America, Vol. 1 (America (Single Issues) (2017 - ) #1–6) by Gabby Rivera (Writer), Joe Quinones (Illustrator)

At last! Everyone's favorite no-nonsense powerhouse, America Chavez, gets her own series! Critically acclaimed young-adult novelist Gabby Rivera and all-star artist Joe Quinones unite to shine a solo spotlight on America's high-octane and hard-hitting adventures! She was a Young Avenger. She leads the Ultimates. And now she officially claims her place as the preeminent butt-kicker of the entire Marvel Universe! But what's a super-powered teenager to do when she's looking for a little personal fulfi llment? She goes to college! America just has to stop an interdimensional monster or two first and shut down a pesky alien cult that's begun worshipping her exploits before work can begin. Then she can get on with her first assignment: a field trip to the front lines of World War II - with Captain America as her wingman!

Stranger (The Change #1) by Rachel Manija Brown (Goodreads Author), Sherwood Smith

Many generations ago, a mysterious cataclysm struck the world. Governments collapsed and people scattered, to rebuild where they could. A mutation, "the Change,” arose, granting some people unique powers. Though the area once called Los Angeles retains its cultural diversity, its technological marvels have faded into legend. "Las Anclas" now resembles a Wild West frontier town… where the Sheriff possesses superhuman strength, the doctor can warp time to heal his patients, and the distant ruins of an ancient city bristle with deadly crystalline trees that take their jewel-like colors from the clothes of the people they killed.

Teenage prospector Ross Juarez’s best find ever – an ancient book he doesn’t know how to read – nearly costs him his life when a bounty hunter is set on him to kill him and steal the book. Ross barely makes it to Las Anclas, bringing with him a precious artifact, a power no one has ever had before, and a whole lot of trouble.

[redefinethegrind]

Road Trip to Tennessee 2018

This was my fear and loathing run. I was to take a road trip with the love of my life to visit her family. I had run out of needs and wants. I simply existed and observed after I had dismantled my previous way of living. It was freeing. I was finally able to experience life as it should be and planned to do so on a short excursion. I would be traversing highways and watching the mile markers pass to convince me that I had indeed moved through space. Sometimes I need cues like these to keep my shoes planted in certainty's topsoil.

As we prepared to road trip I had realized that I had become an automaton in clockwork of consumer culture. Americans exchange bits of information via chip card and superstores render goods. I am able to provide ATP to my cells through granola bars and McDonald’s coffee due to an evolutionary shift. As I write, I am at the prime of my existence and though I know it I often forget that as the machine hums around me. I entered my vacation at a point in which I had been terribly distracted from any purpose that I may have had in my life. I hoped to take time away from my usual surroundings to recover that purpose.

Status check: I can feel my ribcage which means I’m not too far down the food rabbit hole. I fit into a size large men’s shirt and sweatpants. In America we are all large. I am assimilating with my fellow beings. In this culture we are all just swallowing what we are force-fed. I am no different despite my feelings of alienation. I know that I’m an XL at heart, but the times have changed to accommodate our ever- growing frames while retaining an unearned shred of dignity. Yes, they swapped my tags for a large. In three years I will wear a medium, but it will have the same measurements. Americans preserve their self-esteem by simply relabeling and rebranding.

We were into the first leg of our journey and I was drifting in and out of daydream. Somehow highway 71 south seemed longer than I previously remembered. I had been bombarded with thoughts of escape from my daily actuality versus longing for my bed. As we moved forth I was uncertain what to take from this trip. I had feelings that my view of life and the extent to which I had been participating was is disappointing those around me, yet I rarely have felt a longing to change. I am ever confused as to what I have done to become this awkward man with so little to offer in times of angst. The difference between me now and me 5 years ago is I used to not notice how little I fit in. Maybe I hid from it.

When I burned my safety net I too let go of any sense of security. I entered this drive with nothing more than uncertainty. There was little of my life that I had control over. I am no longer uncomfortable with this. I am simply an observer. I am here, in this life, to take it all in. I am still processing and trying to make sense of it. There is no better environment to process in than a long care ride.

I am in a relationship in which I am not sure of my role. I am ever dropping the ball, yet I rarely know when it is my play. It is interesting to me. I have been leading this life now for 8 months without any expectations other than what comes to me. I have absolutely no expectations of anyone or anything. I am no longer disappointed nor am I surprised. It has become a life without hills and valleys. My life is as lackluster as Iowa, yet I am not disappointed. See, I expect nothing, and nothing is what I receive in return. Interesting is this predicament to be in: calm breeding calm.

As the trees and bridges steadily passed me in a blur I could truly say I had no idea what I was doing or why I was there. I don’t say that as a smart ass, I simply had no idea where I was going or what I was doing. I had chosen not to look past the end of my nose into the future. I wanted to just experience life as it approached. I wanted to let life have the driver’s seat while I was an unimpressed passenger for a while. I don’t know what that means but it certainly felt comfortable to me at the time.

I knew that soon enough the stress and anxiety would be back. I would be wondering where my money went and why I still didn’t have a decent job. I would still be waiting on the board of nursing to deliberate and render some sort of decision on my future. I would take it as it came. I knew all of this and remained calm and peaceful despite it. I wasn’t sure if I would ever have a position of control over my life again and honestly didn’t know if I even wanted control. It was easier and more comfortable to lay down and nap. I felt as though that was what I was longing for, sleep.

Apparently, I am as good at navigating as I am picking prize winning roses. I turned out to be a terrible wingman on this trip secondary to my overactive imagination and the flight of ideas which persisted despite the cessation of external stimuli. I had consumed sufficient amounts of caffeine to treat for ADHD but continued with a nonstop pattern of thought for the first few hours of our journey. I had also eaten meat twice in two states, though it was too early to give any input as to whether this had affected my cognition or not. I am leaning toward it had not.

I am sincerely just tied to the internal world with but a hint of an anchor to the external, and road tripping didn’t change that. I remained calm and relaxed as we continued forth. Anxiety had not been an issue whatsoever. In fact, the further I grew from my usual stomping grounds the lighter my load felt. I suppose this was just another way to prolong the inevitable, but it felt about right in our first day of travel.

I had my faithful Cyndi at my side. She was doing her best to remain confident and in good spirits. She truly loves me, this I can tell. I fear that I may be a lot more than she expected mentally. I wish it were an act or a choice when dissonance overtakes my consciousness. I wish I could just turn into the perfect partner without any cognitive restructuring or medication… but I am afraid it isn’t that simple. I do know that she understands as she deals with many of the same issues that I do. I don’t pretend, though, that this makes it any easier on her. It simply isn’t fair at times to act the way I do but I can assure you, I am as controlled at this time as I have ever been. That frightens me because I have still been having episodes of missing time, auditory hallucination (funk bass lines that pound into the night, 8-bit music that is sometimes louder than the television, and at times inaudible children’s voices). I don’t know what these symptoms mean. My ears also felt itchy the further south we trekked and were more full than usual. There was occasionally a lump in my throat and I had been producing extra phlegm. This could have been allergies I suppose, but my mental focus had been on my constellation of symptoms as a whole and what they meant.

As night fell the highway became a familiar landscape of white and yellow lines. Blinking lights from fellow traveler’s vehicles darted left and right just out of my periphery. I was blinking periodically to moisten my contact lenses. I’m not sure who these wayward voyagers were or where they were going, but I can assume that they all had a better idea of that than I did. I was hoping that somewhere along this journey I would get some idea of what the hell it was that I was supposed to be doing with my future.

I am terrified of the idea of working a 40 or 50 hour a week job that means nothing to me. I don’t care about money anymore. I have completely detached myself from the monetary system of power exchange. Possessions no longer hold any emotional value to me. Not a single item in the stores we visited enticed me in the slightest. I was only interested in the provisions of travel. My love of belongings all dissolved in mid 2018. What used to give me some sense of brief satisfaction is now just a nameless product that does little to even draw my attention. The external world has become that of gibberish and nonsense.

Save for a few interpersonal relationships I see almost no purpose in even opening my eyes at times. I don’t mean that to sound morose or depressed, it is just a simple fact. Once every piece of matter has lost all meaning to a man he does not wish to possess or even examine these substances anymore. The stuffs of materialism are simply collections of molecules and no longer hold emotional value. The only effects which provide me with emotional stimulation at this time are intangible. Relationships are where I must focus in my future. Candidly, to do that, I do not see why I would need anything other than modest shelter and food.

Conceivably, other than relationships, I am fond of nature and the beauty of natural creation. I still enjoy exploring this world with the eyes of a child and gazing first hand at the remarkable expressions of the golden ratio which nature effortlessly reproduces time and time again. If I could simply have enough means to realize my ambitions of exploration, I see no reason that I would be any less happy than the time when I earned a six-figure salary. This fact makes my goals simple and my life straight forward. God, family, friends, nature: love and cherish all of them. Occam’s razor.

We had made it soundly to our first lengthy stop on this expedition. A 3-star hotel with a pool which we were just minutes too late to enjoy. Then again, there would surely have been other confused humanoids looking awkwardly at one another as if to wonder what sort of soup they are communally fashioning from their shed cells, incalculable quantities of sweat, and the occasional two-day old Band-Aid. There would have been silver haired patriarchs scowling at their grandchildren; salt and peppered vultures looming from the rafters of their once in a lifetime megalomaniacal expressions of illusory freedom. These sorts of creatures pick apart the carcasses of family vacations in search of control. They are the kind of animals that rape the amusement from their loved-ones in the name of making good time. Yes, it was a blessing masquerading as disillusionment when the pool closed an hour before midnight.

Following a beautiful night of staring into Cyndi’s adoring eyes and genuinely appreciating even her most understated embrace, I drifted to sleep without much difficulty. I, of course, had taken my usual regimen of Benadryl to combat my higher than usual intake of caffeine. Before long I awoke well-rested with thoughts of “what in the hell will I do when this trip is over.” I tried to distract myself by entering our well-appointed bathroom which was much cleaner and more modern than what I was used to at home. I was impressed with the texture molded into the commercial grade bar of soap which is designed to keep from slipping off of the lipless ledge on which it rested. Cyndi said it was to massage the skin, but I know the passionless mind of an engineer and this explanation was not practical enough to make any sense to me. The soap ledge was low enough to be a bench but too small to label it as such. I remember being American enough to scoff as I bent at the waist to retrieve my implements of acceptable hygiene. After using my pubic mound as a white trash loofa, I washed away my feelings of angst as the speakers in my mind blared the chorus to November Rain. Within minutes I was ready to explore the extraterritorial fatherland of country music.

As day two of our road trip drew to a midpoint I had begun to feel a bit of angst. My bank account was not as flush as I had imagined it to be mentally, I had spent just a few hundred dollars more than I had intended. This was not a great deal to me, however, I intended to curtail my spending further as my future was at this point still uncertain. My approach and general word choice when presenting my conundrum to Cyndi caused dissention. It was and never has been my intent to be deliberately disrespectful, and it never is, yet I often find myself wading in the murky waters of awkward silence and inflammatory squabble. I am never sure what to make of this, though as I had been generally happy it did not affect my mood as it normally would have on a down day.

It seems that in all of my observations over the years, finances seem to cause the most arguments to otherwise close couples. I have never been preoccupied with money or the material, and as this trip pushed on I found myself even less interested in materialism. That being said, I was genuinely concerned for our future well-being and felt it necessary to at least voice my opinion on the continuation of depleting our ever-dwindling funds. In typical Ernie fashion I mentioned this in a crass and insensitive manner. It wasn’t long before I realized that regardless of my intentions, I am destined to say and do the wrong thing.

It is times of stress like the ones we lived through in 2018 that are truly trying to couples, particularly young ones. I am confident that we will work through even the toughest of times because we are truly in love. I will, no doubt, say some ignorant bullshit and she will, no doubt, have some emotional outbursts; but, we know one another well enough to give and take where necessary. I find that comforting.

At hotel number two we prepared to take Cyndi’s sisters and nephews to the heated indoor pool. Upon inspection just after check-in there were no other patrons enjoying the rectangular collection of chlorinated communal swill and we fully intended to stake our claim to the entire room despite its lack of a hot tub. My feelings of being a disenchanting life partner were again beginning to fade as I approached my evening optimistically and wearing the rose-colored glasses of vacation. Cyndi’s phone continued to tremble and chime throughout our pre-swim rendezvous, the screen ever illuminated with the names of middle-eastern and African men attempting facetime. She had made the mistake of posting a Facebook picture with a pink lollypop and forever lamented her decision as telecommunication grids bogged down from Pakistan to Nigeria.

The temperate climate of October 2018 in Tennessee had proven to be the perfect backdrop for a relaxing vacation. My mind had been browsing the local cuisine. Comfort food had long been my wheelhouse and when traveling the south, I imagined myself restaurant hopping. Pals provided a comforting lunch, and I again ignored my better instincts and consumed more animals.

As evening arrived we had made our way back to the Morristown mall to retrieve a carrot-cake inspired Persian kitten with curious and empathetic eyes. She knows the absurdity of her thumbing a ride back to Ohio with us, it is palpable in her ever-present purring and sniping meows. This is not a trip for reason, logic, paying bills, or rotating tires. This is a whimsical expedition: an escape. We dissolved into the surroundings of a Quality Inn with a faint breeze in our sails and the sunset now an hour behind us. Cable television had become a luxury to me reserved for vacation and I had left it on as mindless background chatter as I got to know my lovers family a little bit at a time.

After some small talk we settled on pizza for dinner and I drove these kind-hearted women to pick it up. We listened to Elton John’s timeless falsetto through the tinny speakers in my leased Honda Civic as I wove through smeared red and yellow lights posing as light traffic. I felt a sense of belonging in a foreign town, and frankly it was not so different from my own hometown. The highlight of my trip was seeing a genuine smile adorn Cyndi’s beautiful face as she interacted with her best friends, her two sisters. Her sincere happiness is what I had dedicated my entire life to and I knew when I saw her eyes light up and her dimples pop that everything I had traded in to be with her was worth it. Our lives culminated together in that moment, and though she didn’t know I noticed, she was truly happy. My actions this year had seemed reckless and were certainly impulsive, but they did lead to a smile on Cyndi’s face. I had achieved my goal.

From that moment on I knew that I wanted to grow deeper in love with that girl. I wanted to know every facet of her. I wanted to have the deepest connection possible between two human beings. My goal had become to share everything with her and to know everything about her. Then began my true life’s goal. I had finally found it. It was to uncover the deepest spiritual connections in this reality with my twin flame. I sought to grow closer to understanding our human experience and to share it with another human being intimately. My life’s work shifted in that moment. I then understood why Cyndi had truly crossed my path. I had touched on this before, but this trip solidified my belief in our purpose.

We woke up too late again on our final day in Tennessee and an Indian woman was pounding on our hotel room door. Cyndi, her sisters, and myself were slowly stirring. I answered the door and requested a few moments to collect our belongings. I was feeling calm and tired all at once. I showered, and we spent a slow morning bonding after negotiating a later checkout time and letting Cyndi’s nephews swim in the hotel pool. The vacation was winding down. We now had a new housemate in Cakeboss the fluffball kitten. We loaded into the Civic and headed North through a dreary and rainy evening.

The drive home proved uneventful. Cyndi and I bonded over podcasts and standup comedy. I held my new four-legged friend as she slept most of the ride in a cottony mound. The Bellville exit was a welcome site as all six of our collective eyes were weary. As I unloaded the trunk I felt a sense of calm wash over me. I quickly entered my familiar home, it was quiet and clean. I let the dogs out to do their business and my first vacation in a long time, albeit a short one, was over. I will carry several of these memories with me as they are life changing.

All in all, I learned more about myself and my relationship on this trip. That is what I wanted more than anything and I accomplished it. As for my future, I did devise a loose plan. I have also solidified new faces into my circle of those I trust which is always comforting to me. I am at a pivotal point in my existence, I can sense that. I feel the tides shifting. I am done living for anything I don’t believe in. No more phoning it in. It is a time of urgency for me. Many of the emotions I am feeling are firsts. I will turn in tonight and attempt to sleep soundly. Tomorrow I begin planning the rest of my life from my hometown.