#she's not special at all—she just made the choice to give her whole self away in order to save the symbiont

[trillscienceofficer]

I know I'm protective of the existence of both Jadzia and Ezri as they are on the show for entirely personal and ultimately selfish reasons but for the life of me I have yet to find another scifi narrative that captures so well the idea of Terrible Things Happening To You and Making You Different, so much so to be almost unrecognizable to the people around you, even though in a way you are the same. No, Jadzia shouldn't have died. Yet she died anyway, senselessly. Then Ezri took it upon herself to be joined to Dax to allow the symbiont to survive even it hadn't been her plan at all, and got on that space station stumbling and making mistakes left and right and still the people around her tried to make space for her even as they were still grieving Jadzia. That's such a painful but meaningful narrative to me and, idk. I will never see Ezri as a nuisance or a missed opportunity.

[grapejuicestyless]

Letter To An Old Poet

JJ Maybank x fem!reader

Summery: She would have given him the moon, and he only ever realized he wanted it until she couldn’t anymore. Part two to Moon Song

“I think that you’re special.”

He smiled, hands wrapped around the dead lumber he sharpened with his pocket knife, the scraping sound was unavoidably heard swirling around the July fog. The rope creaked each time the wind blew us into a soft sway, and the grass beneath us tickled our bottoms as we hung dangerously close to the soil and it’s roots.

“You think?” He laughed through his teeth, scoffing softly, the breath between his sighs confirming he didn’t really care about my choice of words.

“I know.” I promised him, looking at the way the moon highlighted his waves and the stars casted a glow over his cheeks.

He was focused on his makeshift spear still, carving away like his life depended on it, like it meant something to him.

The rope threatened to snap when I crawled over to him. I didn’t even have the heart to pull his knives and his weapons from his palms, I simply settled between the bends of his arms and laid contently on his chest. I felt the flakes of oak falling on my back, and his arms squeezed me a little tighter as he worked.

“So needy.” He laughed, because he knew it was true. I would lay between him and a flame to feel the comfort of his touch.

I loved him irrevocably, naively, delicately. My whole self was poured into the glass that was him. Yet, he hadn’t been able to fall in love with my overflow. Maybe I didn’t under it yet then, but soon I would.

“I just want you all to myself.” I breathed against his chest, my fingers fiddling with the loose threads on his shirt, one I was already planning on fixing for him. Little acts of service, touch, kindness, and pure love. All languages I spoke only for him.

“You’re so selfish.” He joked.

“Shut up, you dork.” I love you.

“Oh, so now I’m a dork?” I love you.

I nodded my head, smiling and pressing my forearms against his broad chest. I felt his knife settle against the back, closed and not wielding any threats. JJ would never hurt me, not yet, anyway.

I love you.

“Maybe I should just find someone who appreciates me.” He teased. Did he know how hard I loved him?

“Shut up, Maybank!” I laughed into his shoulder. I love you.

“Make me.” He retorted.

So, I shut him up, and I kissed him hard, in the dark, in the hammock.

I love you.

I love you.

I love you.

I loved you.

“How many more times do I have to promise you I don’t want her!” JJ shouted. It seemed like that’s all we ever did anymore. Fought, cried, hugged, and disappeared from each other’s lives.

“You don’t get it.”

“No, I don’t, please, enlighten me, Y/n. Because I’m fucking confused and nobody’s telling me shit!” He pulled at the roots of his hair, dirt kicking up behind him. We walked along a windy road, the one that branched off from the Chateau. I had simply left the last things of his I had left to remind me of what I lost in a box on the porch. But he’s a leech, and he had to have known I would give him back his clothing, because even as selfish as I was with him, it wasn’t mine to keep to myself anymore.

“You think you’re a good person, just because you won’t punch me in the stomach.”

Silence fell over us, my eyes looking up into his, and his mouth hung open like a fish out of water, an idiot trying to make himself sound like a poet. But he never had a way with his words, that was always my dealing of cards.

“And still, I loved you. I don’t know why, I just do.” I spoke softly, sniffling as I used all of my willpower to not cry in front of the man I swore would never see me weak again. Not after he made a fool of me in front of everyone I cared about. The same people I would never get the privilege of meeting again, because our friends were just his at the end of the day.

“Good, then love me. Let yourself love me, because I love you. I love you more than anything else and I can’t…I can’t lose that!” He pleaded, grasping at my limbs like threads that clung to the sleeves of his shirts.

“No, no. JJ, I can’t. You’re not someone who gets to be special in my life anymore. Not then, and not now. Maybe I believed you deserved it then, maybe I believed it when I watched you kissing her, and maybe I believed it when you promised me she meant nothing, but I can’t believe it now.”

“Why not!” He begged for an answer.

“Because you’re not special, you’re evil.” I spoke softly. “You don’t have to hit a girl to hurt her. And you’ve hurt me more than you could ever have known.”

He could have watched me fall down the stairs, and he wouldn’t have shown remorse, so I wasn’t shocked at the stone faced boy that stood in front of me, confused, conflicted, maybe.

“I still think you’re special. No, I know you are.”

I nodded as he spoke. I wasn’t sure what he wanted me to say. The girl he loved would have laid on a wire for him, but the woman I was now would tell him to find another way. She wouldn’t sacrifice herself for a boy who couldn’t love her the way she deserved, and she was coming to terms with understanding that, that was okay. Because the truth was, he had treated me like his equal, and so I became that, but I’m better than him, and he should know that by now.

“You don’t even know me.” I cried, pulling myself together as soon as I broke. I sucked up my tears in a wet mess, my knuckles shaking, dripping with the tears they tried to stop.

“Of course I do, I know you. I love you.”

I shook my head, backing away, even as he followed in my footsteps.

“You hesitated, JJ. You hesitated when I asked if you loved her. When you love someone, you don’t even have to think about saying no to a question like that. If you knew me, if you knew what I would have done for you, for us, you would have known I would have never done that to you.” I spoke bitterly, closing my eyes to stop the tears, I hiccuped between breaths.

“She’s my best friend.” JJ spoke like his reason was obvious.

“And you were mine.”

Silence. Cold, hard, silence. It’s what hits when both people realize they’ve come to a silent ending in their conversation. We didn’t have to keep arguing for us, because there was no more us, and the silence was just the fact of that settling in.

I’m ready to finally walk into a room without looking for JJ. My eyes wander over every corner looking for the boy whose arm I hung off of for so many years. The boy who ripped my youth from me, and the boy I will always be thankful for because now I know that only dogs appreciate the gifts I brought for him.

I want to be happy, with or without him. And soon, I know it will happen for me. I am too good to waste my energy on someone who couldn’t love half as hard as I did.

Maybe he couldn’t have. But maybe he just realized it too late for us.

But I’m ready to love without him, and I’m ready to be happy.

I can’t feel it yet, but I am waiting.

[sweetsugarcakes]

Hi! I liked the last one so much I thought I might just request, like, another one??

An Azula x gn reader again. So, Azula and reader are childhood friends, and reader is the exact opposite of her. They are kind, compassionate and believe in the good of people. And that belief is the only thing that kept reader from deserting Azula even when she turned more cruel over time; they hope that Azula will find her good side some time. Azula is very dependant on reader's friendship as it's one of the only ones she's got, and over time she has developed some more serious feelings, but she doesn't tell reader. However, at one point, probably after a battle, it's enough. Reader can't take Azula's cruelty anymore and, under tears, tell Azula how much they detest her cruelty and want her to change her ways and that they know she has good inside of her, because (drumroll) they have loved her for years but think they will have to leave her once and for all if she can't change. Of course, Azula is devastated. She is happy her feelings are mutual but still, there is drama because of reader's accusations and threat of leaving.

Again, a happy end would be phenomenal.

This is a long ask! I hope you like this one too!

Have a great time :))

hii I’m so glad you enjoyed the other one :)

I love this scenario I’ll totally write it❤️

Azula x gn! reader

How much you saw the good in people, even if they were a bad person. You know there must be a reason why they are the way they are. Ever since you were kids you, Ty lee, Mai Zuko and Azula were all friends. At first you noticed in the small cracks of Azula you saw her a bit mean towards the group. She pushed Ty lee when she did an amazing cartwheel instead of her. She almost set Mai on fire for Zuko to save her. You noticed but brushed them off because she wasn’t so bad. But she’ll get better you hoped.

You also noticed that she never was that mean to you. Sure she’ll give you attitude and make snarky comments at you but you definitely got special treatment among the others. You remember having that conversation with her when you were little.

“[Name], promise you’ll never leave my side? I feel that you’re the only one that understands me.” Azula grinned as she looked at her used to be innocent face.

Your little self smiled widely and nod. “I promise Azula I’ll never leave your side!”

So…you never left her side which meant you saw what she had done. When she tricked her uncle and her brother. Almost burning Ty lee alive and forcing her to join her team. Making Mai abandon her baby brother. Even more things which involved her trying to catch the Avatar. But you stood by it all still thinking “She’s going to be good.”

You even thought that when she burned down innocent peoples villages. You saw how miserable the nations had been because of her doings. Not only the nations but Mai and Ty lee were as well. You can tell by the looks of their eyes, they don’t want to do this. They were so scared to stand up to her. You wanted the Avatar to restore the peace between nations and maybe Azula would be better.

One day, at the boiling rock Mai betrayed Azula by saving Zuko. You watched whole scene unfold with Ty lee. Before the two were about to fight each other, Ty lee chi blocked Azula making her fall. Ty lee looked at you, “Come on [Name].” She stuck her hand out as you hesitated and looked at Azula at the floor . You called the guards over to take both Mai and Ty lee away. The two girl were shocked as you chose Azula over your freedom. You helped up Azula since she was still paralyzed. You looked at as she smiled at you. “I know you’ll pick the right choice” hee eyes were filled with love for you and you had it too. She made the guards take Mai and Ty lee away to be in prison.

You thought about how she was ready to kill Mai and make her two best friends rot in the cell. You and Azula come back from trying to catch Aang as it failed but in the process, Azula had hurt other people, you saw children hurt and crying. You saw their parents crying as well or they were deceased from her ordering the soldiers to get information from them and if they didn’t comply well…

Your head was pounding and your hands were shaking you don’t know what to do. You were holding back from crying. Azula still mad about Mai and Ty lee but having you by her side was everything she needed anyway. You two were back at the palace as you finally spoke up…

“Azula I-i can’t do this…” you muttered out. Azula turned to you.

“What?!” She shouts and confused.

“I can’t do this. I’m can’t be by your side. T-this is too much…” you looked down.

“What are you talking about your staying with me! You promised me you’ll always be by my side [Name]! Why are you doing this?! You’re going to be a traitor just like them huh?” Azula was angry you can tell but then stunned seeing you crying and glaring at her.

“I’m done Azula. I did promise but I saw the good in you. I thought everyday that you’ll change into a good person. But seeing you doing these horrific things… it’s awful but I still stayed because I loved you for years. I-I still love you but I can’t if you’re going to be like this. T-this is just cruel…I’m sorry if you can’t change…I don’t think I wanna be by your side ever again.” You saw her panting hard trying to take all this in. She couldn’t believe you loved her and she never noticed. She gritted her teeth about to attack you but she hesitated. Her love for you was too much to hurt you. She just mumbled “Get out! Get out!” You were stunned as she told you get out. You nod as you left. The woman you loved pushed you away you know she didn’t mean it but you needed to do what you said…you knew it was the right thing to do.

You were nearby where Azula’s coronation was being held you saw how horrible she looked. Her hair cut uneven and her makeup smeared a little. You couldn’t help feel guilty about you making her crazy. You then saw the fight with Zuko and Katara with Azula. You saw Azula getting defeated by Katara as you saw her balling as blue fire came out of her mouth. You couldn’t hold back anymore you ran fast to Azula as Zuko and Katara watched you. You hugged her. “Azula please…” you whispered into her ear as you felt her body all hot as she was surprised you were here.

“[N-name]…Please [Name] don’t leave me! I’ll change! I’ll change for you! I love you too! Please just don’t leave my side! I’m sorry” She said between sobs as she just cried harder and clung on to your clothing tight. She didn’t want you to let go. “I promise Azula I won’t leave you again. I’ll be there to help you.” You whisper as cupped the back of her head to make her let it all out. Azula then spoke into your shoulder. “I’ll be good. I have you. I love you [Name].” She said still sobbing. You pulled away for her a little still close as you cup her cheek. “I knew you would turn to be good. I love you too.”

and they lived happily ever after and Azula got her redemption and didn’t go to an insane asylum bc reader was there for her🤭

I hope you enjoyed this one. sorry making this a bit angsty😭 you also have a great day!! <33

[marypaol]

So Close Yet So Far Away

Draco Malfoy x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Panic attacks, anxiety, self doubt, relationship doubt, negative thoughts, angst :(

Summary: Reader has a panic attack and Draco helps her.

Note: I’m so sorry I haven’t posted a story in a while, it was for some reason taking me forever to finish it even though I had it all planned out. Thanks for the patience. :) And no mention of Y/N if that’s okay! Have a wonderful day and enjoy! 😉

-Also I had to put this gif, he looks so sad! :(

___

She thought they were good. She thought he was good. She thought she was good…Wasn’t she?

That was the same set of questions or thoughts that ran through her mind each morning when his fingers no longer brushed her waist and at night when his cold back faced her.

Was it something she was doing? Something she said and it happened to give him the feeling of unsatisfactory?

She wished she could flick her wand and all could be fixed, but even magic like that couldn’t fix her mental problems. Some things couldn’t be fixed with magic, they had to be fixed with communication and understandings, heart to heart as they discussed their issues, hoping that later on they could at least hold onto their love for a little longer before it was gone.

It seemed these days she was the only one that held that hope, that on her part she was the one who wanted to discuss, not him. The real question was why and when. She just didn’t have the courage to bring it up, afraid to see the penitential snarl on his face or the disappointment towards her to rise in his chest.

She didn’t want that. She was sure no one wanted that. Heck, she bets he didn’t want that but it was something he couldn’t control. Something he had no other choice but to show.

Well, back to the present tense, she is back to the what seemed the cold sheets of lost hope and previous love and her eyes set on the ceiling; not planning on leaving the tiles any time soon.

She heard him breathing softly beside her, and when she was brave enough to glance she saw the slow rise of his shoulders as he slept; his back was still to her. She didn’t know if when she fell asleep somehow he knew and he secretly rolled over and embraced her, or he stayed in the same position the whole night, his body somehow afraid of grazing her skin in any way during his slumber.

It was most likely the second option, for she was sure that she would wake up from something so special beholding her (that something special being him.)

Simply his body facing her would wake her up. His touch upon her skin, for it always made her shiver in the best way. But of course she was imagining all that while she lay in bed with him next to her but far away, almost like he wanted nothing to do with her.

She couldn’t help it. The tears that arose in her eyes were against her will, but she knew the cause was her hurting heart inside her chest, beating the best it could through the pain. She couldn’t be more grateful for it, supplying blood for her body all whilst it stung with great pain.

Soon the tears that were just settled in her eyes were now taking home on her cheeks, flowing like mini rivers and her face was the deep green hills, the water swaying to and fro as the winds picked up.

Her brain started winding, sending thoughts that were so darkened and negative she could no longer breathe properly. Would he leave her? Sure the girl wasn’t as pretty as some other girls within the Magic world, specifically Hogwarts at the moment, but she was average; wasn’t that what she’s always been? Average?

Average isn’t good enough. Not for him. He deserved endless happiness compared to what he’s been through.

Was what she was giving him already, which was happiness and love, not enough for him? She thought so, but based on his current actions of ignoring her and acting like he’s reluctant to sleep beside her, was her displays of affection not satisfactory?

Were they satisfactory, yet not enough to fulfill his expectations?

Her brain was going so fast that it was then this she realized her heart was pounding, so much so the heard it in her ears.

She grew worried, since she wasn’t running or anything, for there was no reason her heart could be beating so quickly. Her lips parted, lungs suddenly starting to run out of air. Her breathing quickened, panicking even more when her heart didn’t stop and the ability to breathe was getting harder.

A wave of hot sweat ran over her like a chill, her legs breaking from the covers abruptly, chest clenching.

Her wobbly legs took her to the bathroom, hands almost slamming the door and fiddling with the lock until it clicked, hands still pressing pressure on it even though the knob already turned.

Her body ran out of strength and she let go quickly, leaning on the sink as she bent her head, squeezing her eyes shut so tightly she saw colors within her eyelids.

Her heavy breathing slowly changed to wheezing and tears, hiccups hurting her chest as her body fought for air for an unknown reason.

Her body flinched hardly when there was rough knocking on the door, the person wanting to come in.

“Loves, you okay?”

The voice. His voice.

It rumbled through the door, not just because he was in fact talking through a door, but also for the reason of his sleepy voice, still tired from his previous slumber.

She was silent besides her heavy breathing still being audible, but even that she was trying to keep quiet.

But of course she couldn’t do so, and since he got quiet as a response he knocked again and twisted the handle gently.

He knocked once again when he found out it was locked. “Loves, open.”

He said it so gently and soft, voice full of concern and love for her. She felt belonged, right then, felt loved and cared for. She walked over to the door hesitantly, hand reaching out and while doing so she saw it was shaking.

She fiddled with the handle with fear rising in her chest in anticipation.

Was he gonna leave her?

The door opened, messy blonde locks coming into view. Despite the softness of his voice earlier, her panic inside her chest caused her to doubt how he would react. She expected his eyes to be hard and full of irritation for I interrupting his sleep, but they were full of concern and worry within the orbs, silver surrounding her vision instead of tears.

He didn’t wait to have a staring contest with her before he closed the door, walking towards her and wrapping his splendor arms around her, stroking the ends of her hair and encouraging to to breath slower.

“I-I can’t.” She said. She spoke through breath after breath, no space between them.

She felt his head nod against her neck. “You can, loves.”

Tears kept streaming. Breathes kept coming out short. Hands kept stroking her cheeks to get rid of the coming tears once he lifted his head up from her neck area.

He sucked in a breath at seeing her in pain, fingers going to her hair and moving it away from her sweaty face.

He cupped her face in his hands, cradling it like the most delicate flower to ever exist. Because to him she was. And it was his job to water her and provide her light.

“Honey, just breathe! I’m here, aren’t I?”

She nodded in his hands, showing him how strong she was. And she’s been told she was by him; he tries to tell her every day.

He suddenly started breathing loud but steady, waving his hand gently to show her to copy him.

She did just that, and all doubts floated away, every questioning thought about their future fading away, replaced with nothing but sincere and genuine love.

Here then she embraced him once more, desperate to feel his warmth. Nose buried in his clothed chest, she mumbled, “Don’t ever leave me, please.”

He scoffed against her. “Leave you? Darling, my heart would rather die a thousand different ways than to leave you.”

-Sorry for any errors, I didn’t look it over! Thanks for reading and make sure to check out other stories:

👇

Masterlist

[the1975attheirverybest]

Love Potion

A/N: day 2 of Valentine’s week prompts. Jo and Matty say I love you.

Warnings: none.

***

“Honey, I’m hoomeeee.” Matty announced, in a sing-song voice, as he walked through the door, nudging the door shut with his bum. He rushed over to the couch where Jo was laid up. Her broken leg in a cast, atop a special cushion that he’d bought for her after calling up every pharmacist in the country to ensure that he’d selected only the very best.

“Hey, Angel” he kissed her softly, as he took his backpack off his shoulder. Her response was cold, withholding, merely tolerating his touch. He wished he were surprised. But she’d been that way all week. He’d been trying to give her space. Trying to understand that she must be in a great deal of pain and frustration. He’d imagined that having her stay with him until she could get the cast off her leg would be a good thing. But perhaps he’d neglected to consider that being stuck alone some place that isn’t her own, sleeping in a bed that isn’t hers every night, having to find rest and calm without her comfort items and away from her stuff in her own home would also be difficult and confusing for her. He didn’t know what else to do and he couldn’t shake the feeling that, in trying to help her, he’d somehow made her feel worse.

“How was your day?” He asked, quietly, sitting by her and wrapping his arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him to kiss the side of her head.

“Like every other day.” She mumbled, sighing.

Matty already knew what the following few moments of conversation would entail but he went through them anyway, asking her what he always asks every night. “You eaten yet?”

“Tsk.” She made a vague noise that his chest absorbed.

“Taken your medicine?”

“Nope.” She stiffened under his touch.

“Oh, Jo. Why not?” He looked down at her with a frown on his face.

Jo felt a mixture of defensiveness and guilt. She hated to see him disappointed in her. And she hated that he’d built all these expectations around her every basic function. She was an adult capable of understanding consequences and making her own choices. She didn’t need him hovering over her, making an event out of her meal time and her medication. All she wanted was for him to get home and be with her. To hold her in his arms as let her listen to his heart beating in his chest, get a whiff of his scent and feel him shed away the excitement’s and stressors of the day, which her leg and his protectiveness had shielded her from for far too long.

She pulled away from his embrace, sitting up and wrapping her arms around herself.

“Just leave me alone.” She whispered, half-hearted, barely audible.

Matty rolled his eyes. “I can’t do that, now, can I ?” He got off the couch, suddenly, heading for the kitchen.

Moments later, he emerged with a plated sandwich, a glass of water, and an assortment of pills.

“Eat. Take your medicine.” He said. “Going upstairs to change out of these clothes. I’ll be back.”

***

When Matty walked back down in a pair of sweats and an old graphic t shirt Jo’s sandwich and cocktail of pills were still untouched. He could’ve easily gone down another line of questioning, hoping that, by the end of it, he would’ve logically proven to her that she should start eating right away, but he bit his tongue, opting instead to let it go.

“Wanna watch anything?” He asked, sifting through the categories on Netflix.

She shrugged, looking away from him.

Another opportunity for a fight. And another inspiring exercise in self-restraint on his part. He let it go.

He ended up settling for a documentary that Jo hadn’t focused on long enough to learn the subject of. She’d spent the whole night glued to her phone, cowering in the corner of the couch as far away from him as possible.

After the documentary came the novel. She stared into the void as he curled up with the book, underneath a blanket, his eyes growing sleepier with every page. Every once in a while, he would look up from his book to check on her, see if it was the right moment to offer to carry her upstairs to bed, but the look of rage in her eyes always advised him to remain silent.

Then came the doomscrolling. Quietly co-existing on opposite ends of the couch, each of them glued to their individual screens, Matty laughing at something every now and then (a meme no doubt) and contemplating leaning over to show her his phone, but ultimately choosing not to.

Despite his best efforts, Matty eventually fell asleep on the couch. He was only out for about an hour or so, and the first thing he did when his eyes opened again was look down at the sandwich plate, finding it still full. He recalled an incident earlier that week, during his first attempt at making her a sandwich. He had no idea the order in which the ingredients went on the sandwich mattered so much to her, and he hadn’t thought to ask beforehand. The result was what she had perceived as an unbearably soggy sandwich. But she didn’t want to hurt his feelings. She didn’t want to appear ungrateful or irrationally picky. He’d gone out of his way to prepare food for her and make sure she was looked after. All after he’d brought her to his place. To take care of her. To be a supportive boyfriend. A soggy sandwich is hardly a crime. But she couldn’t do it. She just couldn’t bring herself to take a bite. So, she’d burst into tears.

Naturally, therefore, when Matty had woken up to find her food untouched, he’d assumed that he’d made some kind of mistake once again. Had he misremembered her instructions? Was he unaware of an allergy or something?

He never even got the chance to ask her, though. all it took was for him to glance from the sandwich to her face for her to begin sobbing.

“Oh, no! Oh fuck! No please don’t cry , Jo!”

Matty rushed over to her side. “I’ll fix it- I’ll fix it. Just tell me what I did wrong this time. I’ll make you another one. Really, it’s fine!!”

She sniffled, wiping at her face with the back of her arm. “N-no. Y-you did nothing wrong. It’s perfect. I’m - just…I’m not hungry.”

Relief washed over Matty’s face. He exhaled. “Oh.” His fingers padded, gently, at the tears streaming down her cheeks. “Hey, it’s alright. Don’t cry, Darling. I’ll just….save it for later, yeah?”

“That- is not why I’m crying.” She giggled in between sobs, both amused and embarrassed.

“It’s not? Then- erm- what’s wrong? Are- you in pain? Is it your leg? Do you need me to-“

“No, no. It’s not my leg, Matty. It’s me!”

“Pardon?”

She felt her cheeks heat up as the guilt and embarrassment began to set in. She looked away, hiding from his eyes. “It’s me. I hate who I’ve become, ever since this whole….thing.” She pointed to her leg. “You- you’ve been so kind to me. You brought me over here to stay with you. You take time off work to keep me company. You- you come home…and I’m sure you’re tired and all that….im so mean to you. Angry all the time. I promise it’s not you, it’s….i don’t even know what it is. It’s like this demon takes over and I just want to scream all the time.”

“Oh my darling…” was all that he could muster, at a loss for words, worried about saying the wrong thing and giving her the impression that he didn’t understand.

“I- I guess I just…I miss work. And being able to move. And going places that aren’t…..here!” She waved her hands in the air. “No offense, Matty. Your home is beautiful. It’s really calming. And- thank you for having me, really. But I just- I don’t know. Everything —every little thing—is getting on my nerves lately. My head feels all foggy all the time from these pain pills. I’m so tired. I hate everything.”

Matty pressed his lips to hers, feeling her tears on his skin. “I’m so sorry, baby.” He whispered. “It’s alright. You’re alright.”

She clung to him, crying into his chest, as he held her and rubbed her back gently, whispering sweetly into her ear.

“I’m sorry darling. I know this all must be overwhelming..” he said once her crying had finally stilled. He kissed her damp cheek, “I really wish I could take that pain away, baby.” He looked into her eyes and she saw the pain in his. It was killing him, watching her cry like this. He was desperate to help. To do something that would make her feel less alone in her pain. But he knew, better than anyone, how isolating pain can be. Knowing that intimately is what bothered him the most. Because he knew that she felt fundamentally separated from him. And there was nothing that he could do about it. Unless….perhaps he could?

“Jo? Here’s an idea.” He pulled away from her to look into her eyes. “Listen….why don’t I- erm….get an overnight bag together and go stay at George’s. You text your friends. Invite them over. You can have a sleepover or something. Maybe watch a film or just do whatever you like. Get dinner. Could help you feel a bit more like yourself? Lighten the mood? You’ve not been anywhere or seen anyone since….”

She looked up at him with big sad and glassy eyes, speechless, looking like she was once again on the verge of tears.

“What? You don’t like the idea? Sorry. I wasn’t trying to abandon you or anything. I just- I guess I thought maybe you’d want a change.”

“You’d really do that ? For me?” Her voice small and distant, a fresh stream of tears rolled down her face.

He giggled. “Yes, Jo. I would. For you.”

“Well- I don’t even know what to say.” She choked back a sob, her hand reaching for his face, she blinked away the tears, exhaling the sadness out of her lungs. “Matty.” She said firmly in a sudden change of demeanor. “I love you.”

Matty’s heart skipped a beat. He felt his face tingle, his smile spreading across his face, so wide, it might as well shatter him. He looked into her eyes and felt time slow down. Breathless, as if on a joy ride. “I love you, too, Jo.”

She jolted in place. “No, no! No pressure! You don’t have to say it back just yet! I just wanted to-“

“I want to say it.” He laughed, placing his hand over her mouth to stop her panicked rambling. “I love you, too, Jo. Really. I do.”

“Really?” Her lips moved against the palm of his hand.

“I’ve wanted to say it for a while now. But I’ve held back cuz- well, it didn’t feel right to do it while you’re in pain, miserable, and on drugs.” He chuckled shyly. “ but perhaps those drugs are on my side.”

She leaned forward reclaiming her rightful place in his arms again. “You love me.” She mused, the smile clear in her voice.

“Mhm. And you love me.”

“I do.”

His response to her declaration of love was perhaps the biggest proof that she was right about him. Right to have fallen for him. She’d fallen in love with him because of the way that he treated her when she was being difficult and needlessly cruel. Taking her pain and frustration out on him. Because of the way that he remained gentle and understanding. Because of the way that she saw her pain reflected in his eyes. He was the kindest, sweetest man she’d ever met.

Matty dipped his head down, kissing her. “Well, then, I’ll try and make myself scarce.” He looked back at the sandwich that had started it all, laughing to himself. “As your lover, I think you should eat this sandwich.”

“Did you just call yourself my ‘lover’?”

Matty grinned “mhm….Take the love drugs. So you’ll still love me when i get back.”

She laughed, reaching for the plate, suddenly feeling an appetite.

“I’ll order some snacks and things? For you and your friends? Before I head out….”

“Sure. Whatever. Just kiss me and tell me you love me again before you go. Okay?”

Matty cocked his head, pretending to mull over the request for a moment. “Hmmm….okay. If you insist. I think we can manage that!”

[emmabirb8]

It is REALLY getting me that Guillermo is actively choosing this.

Because narratively speaking, I get it. I understand why Guillermo feels like he has to "say goodbye" to his mother and essentially leave his old human life behind as he transitions into a vampire. It's symbolic and metaphorical and literal all at once and makes for a very interesting plot point while also giving us a great look into the psyche of his character.

But logically? It doesn't make a whole lot of sense.

Logically, it would be relatively easy for him to figure out a way that works to have the best of both worlds if he wanted. For one thing, there's always hypnosis to fall back on if things really went down the tubes, but besides that, Guillermo is a MASTER MANIPULATOR. We know this. We have seen this. All he would really have to do is choose his actions very carefully and deliberately, and he'd be fine.

He could simply just make sure he visited at night, find clever ways to pretend he eats human food, strategically avoid mirrors, wear special protective layers that would allow him to display a crucifix if he wanted... etc etc.

Or better yet, he could just come clean about being a vampire, at least to his mother! It was clear from Pine Barrens last season that Silvia especially would accept Guillermo no matter what and would (at least eventually) be cool with the idea of vampires existing anyway. She was most definitely the least fazed when he initially revealed the truth to his family before Nadja hypnotized away the vampire-related bits. His Abuelita and extended family members would potentially be another story, but his mamá would handle it well, I think. (And if he was worried about her slipping up at any time, he could hypnotize away the urge and ability to tell anyone else the truth! It'd be that simple!)

But Guillermo is choosing this path.

He is choosing to shed his old life, his human life, because he has decided that no matter how much he loves his human family, his desire to live freely with his found family as his full authentic self with absolutely NO hangups or threads to hold him back (what he believes would hold him back) is more important.

And unfortunately, the process of coming to that final decision has cost him his relationship with his mother, who, I would say, is the most important non supernatural person in his entire life. His selfishness, self-centeredness, and pure unbridled obsession with and devotion to his vampire family and to Nandor in particular has essentially destroyed the ties that he could have kept to Silvia. It may have started as a subconscious thing, but at this point, there's no denying that he has made his choice.

It's an agonizing kind of choice, but he has convinced himself it's what he has to do.

And GOD if that isn't just the most deliciously interesting plunge into Guillermo's thought processes and rationalization the show has ever taken.

[officialfics]

hello!! How about a Pedri fluff blurp?

A/N: here u go 🫶

Warnings: over 1k words, none

•••

“You should give him a chance” your best friend says trying to convince you that maybe giving this guy a chance wasn’t such a bad idea.

“I mean I do want to, but remember last time?” you objected walking to the freezer to get an ice cream bucket since conversations with her lasted for hours.  “Hey, I know you wanna take things slow and all, but Pedri is a good guy. You should come with us today he’s gonna be there” she pleaded with you and you agreed. Not having much planned that day, so you had no other choice, but to get ready and head out. 

You had been sitting like a couch potato for what felt like ages. Your friend on the bother line of the phone was bubbling about your group of friends going out clubbing later that same evening. The clock was ticking in the background hinting that time was passing and you weren’t all in the conversation. The only thing on your mind was him.

You and Pedri had been friends for a short while though, the thought of him in a romantic way had never crossed your mind before. As you had just gotten out of an ugly relationship. Another heart break was the last thing you needed. 

It was only moments later you hung up the phone and had to start getting ready for the night. You decided to go for something comfortable yet risky. Getting ready was comfort for you it made you relax, and you had control over the look you were creating trough makeup and outfits. That would usually be the only thing on your mind, but not today. No, the only thing you could think of was Pedri and his stupid smile. The smile he always gave you when you were rambling away your thoughts to him. He didn't even complain only looking at you in awe while admiring your face and your beautiful eyes of which he loved.

He had told you before that your eyes were special, that they shine like rubies. You couldn't help, but blush that whole evening. He had asked you to hang out and stupid you didn't thing much of it. You thought he viewed you as a friend and just that, nothing more nothing less. That night he said some confusing stuff and you didn't understand it. He makes everything so confusing. Always complementing you and being there for you even though you had only known him for a short time He makes you laugh all the time. 

Always cracking jokes and scanning your face after every word for your reaction. With that stupid smile, oh that stupid smile. The ways his eyes would squint and his teeth would show. The way he would tilt his head back and the way his hands would clap as a little celebration. Why did he have that effect on you, no, how did he have that effect on you.

"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" is what he said that night on the balcony. While all your friends were inside dancing and having fun. You didn't understand him, and it drove you crazy. Did he have to be so complicated.

Your walked into the club, and wanted to head straight for a drink, but you found yourself looking around. Searching for him. Only to be disappointed because he wasn't there. you went to the bar and ordered a drink. You found your self sitting on the bar chair for what seemed like ages. Till one of your friends said they would move the night to an apartment. You placed the money on the counter and took your belongings before heading out and into the car.

"By the way were heading to Pedri's" someone said, and you found yourself thinking of him again.

You could suddenly feel a warmth spreading through your body while staring through the window.

"Guys look, it's a full moon tonight" you heard while walking to the apartment.

"ohhh, how romantic. Who's confessing tonight?" they laughed.

Then suddenly something clicked within you. On the way up the stairs. You had to take a break and sit down. Telling all your friends to go on, since you would follow shortly, but this was too much. He loved you and what now. You had made him wait for ages, being so naive. Did he even still want you. He had dropped so many hints, yet you turned a blind eye.

Making your way up the stairs again, frantic. You walked in and everyone was spread out the layout of his home. You looked around and his eyes met yours. He looked so handsome. He walked out to the balcony, and it was Deja vu for you.

All the encounters came to you at that moment 

He loved her and she didn't notice. All the things he did for her. All the glimpses across the room, friends don't look at friends that way. How could she not notice, this boy was wrapped around her little finger, and she was clueless to it. All the times she was talking, thinking no one was listening. Only to be. met by his gaze. Reassuring her that he was there, he always has been and always will be. 

But what do they say love truly is blind.

You found yourself walking to him like, like magnets always attracting each other. You stepped beside him resting your arms on the railing.

"The moon is beautiful, isn't it?" you uttered like the world had just made sense to you yesterday. Your head facing away from him, yes looking at sky, seeing it come alive.

Pedri had no words. He only stared at you through glimmering eyes. Now his eyes were the ones shining like rubies. He looked at you and his heart was beating so fast, he could hear it. 

Oh. 

Oh. 

And there it was again that stupid smile of his, the smile he had on his face every time your name was brought up. His feverish smile that made your life come together and have a meaning. Him and only him.

You cupped his face with your hands. Bothe of you nervous like two idiots. He stepped closer and placed his arms around your waist. Bringing you closer as if that was possible. Staring into his yes, the moon light illuminating them. They were beautiful, he was beautiful.

Races inches apart, the tension was overwhelming. Both of you walting for the other to break the tension and kiss the other. He could feel your breath fanning onto his face, and he didn't let go.

"We should kiss you know, just to see how it is"

"Yeah?"

“Yeah?” 

His lips were met by yours. They were tender and soft. His lips melted with yours and thunder struck our body form the sensation. The way he caressed your sides, giving you goosebumps. Why was he good. His kiss was heated and Hungary, like he had waited his whole life for this. Yet it was also elicate like you could break. You wrapped your arms around his shoulder and into his hair. He could ie happily right then and there. you pulled back smiling before bringing him in for another peck.

"So that's the kind of friends were going to be?" you said playing with the rings on his fingers while staring up at him, batting your eyelashes.

"Exactly like that" he whispered. Staring at you like an idiot in love. He was smiling again, his eyes crinkled again.

keep the requests coming:)

[ruminate88]

Disconnected and Self Worth😭

06/19/24

The people in my circle keep showing me all this love and are there for me. Doing things for me and expressing their dearest feelings and intentions for me …. However, inside all I feel is “just let me go please” I just wanna fall into an abyss and drown. I HATE this awful feeling. I believe these people care because I don’t have a choice. They’re all I have and yet I get so caught up in the past, ruminating when these men lied to me, decieved me, rejected me and treated me like I’m not worthy to exist. 😓 Not just one of them but 3 of them made me feel like a complete loser. ❤️‍🩹 I know it’s not true!!

Men that I loved. I didn’t want to love the 1st one, Jake. I wasn’t attracted to him at all but some conversations we shared were really good and comforting but all the rest was of him attacking me at every corner. Calling me a racist and a bigot. Treating me like I’m only good enough for sex. Exploiting my nudes on his social media to “get back at me” for not wanting to be his whatever he wanted to be. He made creepy comments to me like, “If I ever got you pregnant, I would marry you…” 🥴🥴 uh… yuck. Never. I would NEVER let you touch me but he was always there in my face for YEARS. I blocked his number more than once but some how I always found myself talking to him again. There was just so much mystery that turned into history.

Then Cody was there when I posted a suicide note and that’s a HUGE DEAL!! He talked me off the ledge, got my trust but then shattered my trust… I knew Jake was creepy but somehow thought Cody was special and not a creep. I believed Cody was just having a hard time and the way he showed up for me originally, I thought Cody had my back… however, there were times in conversation I could sorta sense cody had a little jealousy for me and low-key he was putting me down but it was a grey line. However Cody ghosted me and I lost all heart. I was a dead woman walking for months. I saw no light or hope and some days even questioned if I was breathing.

5/6 months later, I meet Andrew… Andrew appeared so young and innocent. Often treating me like his caretaker. Making me feel constantly needed and wanted. Coming to me with his cries and using me for comfort. He played upon my ability to be nurturing and caring. I became crazy over the idea of me being his source of care and love. I wanted to spoil him and give him all of me. He wasn’t so “innocent” though. He was just sly and cunning with me. Getting me to constantly praise him and be at his beck and call. I believe now he had a hidden agenda the whole time. He was never going to support me or marry me. His whole intentions seemed to be based off of superficial gratification and to tare me down. I had so much to offer and he wanted to take it all and shred it. Maybe I’m wrong but that’s how he made me feel. After we break up, he’s still finding excuses to talk to me and just like Jake, makes me feel like I’m only good for sex but nothing else. Then he wanted to put me away quietly because he had a new girlfriend and I felt he was adding me to his trophy case of “prizes” and acting like, “Oh this is my prize I won and she can sit nicely on my shelf but I’ll only acknowledge her when I feel like it.” Nooooo 😣😭😠 I’m not going to sit on your shelf and wait for you. I broke up with him when I realized probably I was just a fun game for him. 💔💔💔

After these men, I still believe in love. I still got married to someone else and I’ve been forcing and pushing myself to believe in it all and to give it my best shot. Trying to convince myself I can trust people still and that I’m safe. I know I blocked Jake and Andrew’s number and if either of them tried to bother me through another way, my new man would probably threaten them. (He’s threatened Andrew once before) ugh I’m trying so hard to be ok. I’m NOT giving up!!! I’m trying ONE DAY AT A TIME ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[anotherfallenchild]

Good Omens Brainrot has set in so I’m purging some Thoughts™

I think the core of it is Crowley and Aziraphale love each other complexly and uniquely.

For Crowley he would literally put himself physically on the line (and has many times) for Aziraphale, love is to die protecting the one you love. He would sacrifice himself in a heartbeat to keep him safe.

Crowley has come to the realisation that Aziraphale is so very special, there’s no one like him and he’s the only one who sees the questioning in Crowley’s nature and doesn’t immediately dismiss him (or punish him) for it. Crowley wants to be seen and be loved for himself, but he has deep issues with trust, trauma from heaven and the fear he might drive Aziraphale away with how he is not good enough for him (in his mind). Crowley is even scandalised at the thought he would treat Aziraphale as a flippant liaison when Nina mentions it ‘he deserves better than that’ is the thought.

We often see Aziraphale subtly prod Crowley to reveal his true (often good) intentions especially towards humans (he seems big and scary on the outside but deeply cares for humans as much as Aziraphale).

Love for Aziraphale is something that is natural for him and broadly reaching (his love for heaven, his love for humans, his love for god, his love for Crowley) but he struggles with the balance of his love in conflict: how can he love God and heaven but also defy them ? How can he love Crowley but also acknowledge and see him as the demon he is. How can he reconcile the Crowley he knew as an Angel and the punishment he received from his god and heaven that he loves?

So we can see that love for Aziraphale is a struggle - a dichotomy of perception and reality - he loves the perceived reality of heaven and the surrounding angels as agents of god enacting good - but that clashes with the reality of heavens will to create the apocalypse on earth causing great potential pain and suffering to humans that he loves (gods creations that she commanded the angels to love more than her - hence lucifer’s fall).

He KNOWS Crowley is good and kind and capable of love, but he wants justice for him and for the balance to be restored (Crowley gaining back his place in heaven that was unfairly taken). However Crowley perceives this as him being ‘not enough’ as he is, and that for Aziraphale to love him he must change to fit the standards of heaven.

Wrapped up in all this is also the concept of love and shame. Breaking through the propaganda and brainwashing of heaven to see that reality isn’t as binary, isn’t as black and white and that shades of grey can exist and thrive, is incredibly difficult. There’s the shame of sin, of disobedience, of consorting with ‘the enemy’ but deeper down it’s also the fear of what his light/ attention being brought to Crowley will mean for his safety.

It seems Aziraphale is still trying to unlearn fully his idealised conceptions of what heaven can be and what it’s role is, vs Crowley has decided the whole system is fucked and it’s time they made their own morals and choices.

So many of the mini past escapades have this lesson, that while morality may seem easy and just initially to do the ‘right’ thing as it’s perceived by the will and rules of heaven, reality is complex and there’s no way to blanket apply to every situation nor is that just or moral, in fact it often hurts more people in the process.

So we have two idiots both desperately trying to love and save each other, while trying to unlearn eons of conditioning, shame and self loathing (let’s not forget that love of self immolation pervasive in Christian narrative where the ultimate act of love is shown to be dying for others, martyrism is a dangerous precedent )

Crowley goes too fast so he made it to the realisation quicker - he’s always been one to question the party line - that they don’t need ‘sides’ they only need their ‘us’.

Aziraphale wants to give Crowley heaven (he doesn’t want it) but Crowley just wants them to be an ‘us’, being together as they are is already heaven to him.

[star--nymph]

how does eurydice cope with feeling ill? what foods does she eat? does she have a set routine like, how does she get comfortable and feel better?

Ask me a question pwease!

how does eurydice cope with feeling ill?

Eurydice copes with sickness with technical correctness, in that she does what she's supposed to. She makes her medicines, drinks her teas, isolates when she can, studies her symptoms and side effects. Much like with other people though, Eurydice has no concept of bed side care or self care, and tries to power through. If she believes she can walk, then she walks, even if she's drenched in sweat and swaying side by side. It goes hand in hand with the idea that she doesn't trust anyone to take care of her besides maybe three people before the Conclave: her deceased grandmother, her sister Melia, and Keeper Deshanna. Her grandmother was really the only person she ever felt truly cared for and she's been dead since she was about four. Melia and Deshanna tried but you try forcing an elf who has climbed a tree and is clinging to the trunk. Eventually, you give up and wait for her to pass out. (this isn't to say the clan wouldn't have cared for Eurydice if she was sick--the strangest member of the clan or not, she's still apart of the clan and they will have her live) The Inquisition was different for various reasons but most of them was that the Inner Circle did genuinely care about Eury's well being and Eurydice was just not used to that. She bristles against it most of the time like a hart with a wounded knee shoving itself into a small corner to get away from a helping hand. She doesn't take well to fussing or coddling, so I suspect as much as she loves Josephine and Varric, the only people she allows to help her are Vivienne (who just has her lay down in her lounge and has things brought to her) and Cullen who just doesn't take no for an answer. He's lucky she finds his fussing cute because sometimes when he starts acting like she invalid, she wants to claw his face off and using magic to throw him outside.

what foods does she eat?

Eurydice enjoys light foods; fruits, greens, nuts, produces made from halla milk. She's always been a picker eater and I think flavors and textures can overwhelm her. Her favorite foods are, of course, peaches and blackberries--if you give her anything with those things in it, she'll gobble it down. She can eat meats, she really has no dietary problems with it, she just doesn't usually like it much. If you give her a roasted leg of lamb, she'll eat it because it's food but it's not her first choice on her plate. She does also like traditional dalish breads and treats. Clan Lavellan has a special recipe for 'sweet beatles' which is exactly what it does like--beetles that are dipped in honey and brown sugar crystals. It's crunchy and sweet, she used to pop them into her mouth as a kid when she listened to stories told by the Clan's Storyteller.

does she have a set routine like, how does she get comfortable and feel better?

Oh! I have this written down somewhere actually! She has a very detailed one she has for Skyhold specifically and if it's broken, it can ruin her whole day.

Wake up (if she slept at all, anyway) at first morning bell.

Either stays in bed or wanders the room for a while to think about what she needs to do for the day (or talking to Cullen, depending on whether or not she’s with him that morning)

Do paperwork or check her research notes from last night.

Drink something. Stuff a piece of fruit in her mouth.

Get dressed.

Deliver any work, letters, codex, or information to Josephine. Has a cup of tea if Josie requires more time to speak to her.

Visit stables and start early morning grooming/takes her mounts out for a ride.

Daily War Meeting/Missioning Briefing. 

Visits either Vivienne, Dorian, or Solas to discuss spell work or spars with Cassandra (depends on the day)

Visits garden. 

Visits Cullen promptly at Noon and takes their daily walk together (even if the routine is busted, this usually never changes. She made a point to prioritize this every day for both her and Cullen's benefit, mostly because this is also the time where she reminds him to eat).

Enters her workshop so study, experiment, or work on projects.

Has afternoon tea with Vivienne (also a permanent fixture that can not and will not be changed) occasionally joined by Leliana, Dorian, and/or Bull. 

Enters undercroft to either speak to Dagna, Harritt, or work on her own crafting.

Visits stables again for afternoon grooming/feeding.

Has dinner (either with Blackwall at stable, in the tavern with Bull, Sera, Dorian, and Varric, or with Cullen).

Goes to Cullen’s tower.

Nightly walk promptly at 9pm (with or without Cullen) (another permanent routine).

Either returns to Cullen’s tower to spend the night with him or returns to her quarters.

Breaks out her jewelry making supplies and works on her bracelets.

Reads in bed or goes to sleep (depends on whether Cullen’s there or not because, again, has a set time for him to be in bed by, which is no later than 1:00 am).

[gctchell]

Do your muses believe in soulmates?

Oh this is fun.

Niffty: No. She understands the sentimental value of saying such a thing and she gets just how romantic it is, but in her personal philosophy, she doesn't like to credit such a precious thing to the universe when she's the one who created this relationship with this special someone. She isn't giving that power to anyone but her heart's desire and herself. Very self-based creature.

Lilith: Not in the way that you might think. She moreso believes that She and Lucifer forged their souls together against the odds - she was, after all, literally made for another man by the Heads of Creation. Her soul was made to be with another, and that other just did not fit while someone else fit like a glove. She thinks they forged their own version of what a soulmate is with their own hands, and like Niffty, does not credit that to anyone else but themselves. It's a very spiritual connection to her and her own divergent definition that she would use "soulmate" for as a synonym.

Carmilla: What a romantic notion. Before she was pregnant with Odette, she believed it with her whole heart. Romance was such a blissful and blinding experience that she leaned into with her entire chest, and these ideas were not so impossible to believe in when she was wrapped up with the man she had been in love with since childhood. It was a very easy concept to buy into, to believe in and give herself to, until he discovered she was pregnant and vanished ( "He slept a summer by my side, he filled my days with endless wonder - he took my childhood in his stride, but he was gone when autumn came." ). The concept fell apart like claws raking through flesh and tearing her tears from her eyes along with it.

In Hell, however, is where her heart began to heal in the aspect of romance where it had been torn asunder. It's been decades and she has been in love with one person whom she has a damn good idea might love her back in the same regards, and this is a quiet, unofficial courtship that has lasted longer than her first love. Some parts of her are changed, and they are healing differently due to her first love being such a crucial impact on her when this feeling was still so new, but.. the idea of being soulmates with this person is not one she would necessarily shrug away. It would heal an old childhood wound if it were true.

Stella: Yes and no-ish. She's in the same vein of Carmilla in her own flavoring, though it is dependent on universe entirely. When she is wed happily to Stolas, she is in a state that is what she considered to be impossible since she was very young. She is living with a Prince that she loves very dearly and is loved in return. It's love, it's actual love. It's not cold necessity, it's real. The idea of "soulmates" went from being something only fools think of to, oh, suddenly, I am one of those fools, and I am unusually content about it.

In the main timeline where he cheats, the illusion is broken. If soulmates are a thing, and Stolas and she are that, then they are a very broken sort. She may bitterly refer to him as it now and then, and will certainly bring it up in emotional arguments. I thought you were my other half, I believed you were my other half, you are my other half and we're ripped apart because of your choice.. Very messy. Very bitter, very disheartening "I am your soulmate and we are ruined". Even with the divorce, she will always feel she is attached to Stolas in a way that is unable to be severed. He changed her fundamentally and there is no looking over that, no matter what has transpired.

Martha: No, she really doesn't. If such a thing does exist, she doesn't think she has one, she would think she's torn any possibility of that with her escapades and doesn't give two damns about it.

[honeybeewhereartthee]

MY DARLING DOLLS 39

Previous || PT7 CH39 || NEXT

PAST:MC

when you open your eyes you stared at golden one who's very close to yours. Her red hair almost covering all your view.

"..." -you.

"good morning, darling ~" the young lady of the tojou estate called out to you sweetly like you two have some special relationship or some sort. Her cheeks blushing with her orbs that's seems to reflect on you so clearly.

You quickly roll away from her like she's some virus.

"I'm not interested in human beings. Go away." You shoo her and she pout being rejected by you again. But her smile returns as she gaze at you with that lovestruck written in her face.

"Do you know your very much trying to imprisoned me cause of that bad taste of yours..." You cannot help but sigh as you rub the chill you felt from how she look at you.

"It's not my daughter fault your very much have your charisma at the max level." The old tojou who's watching the whole thing from the doorway commented.

"Father can I marry MC when I debut to the society (turn 18)?" The young lady went to ask her father the nth time with tearful gaze.

"IM NOT INTERESTED!!" you quickly denied. You have no interested with a kid you watch grow up since day one! Holy crap you cannot even imagine the twitter cancel nation if they know about this. This is so GOTTDAMN terrifying!

Even through you forget what Twitter mean, you cannot help but shake your head so much as you give a look to the head of the household that taken you in since a long time ago.

[ even in this place you have flings...] You heard a voice in your head spokes. You almost thought you went crazy for a moment.

"WTH." You mumble looking around where that voice come from. But making sure that lady is far away from you.

"are you really interested with that doll obsess maniac who don't even age a day?" You heard your being called names by the old tojou and you can't even disagree with him. His speaking facts.

"Ye! Why are you interested with me huh? Nothing good ever happened if you like me!" Your self negativity is at its finest. The old tojou sigh as he heard your WORDS.

The young lady chuckle at your words, amuse how charming you are at the moment and you give her a 'the heck' look.

"your very interesting. And I like you very much." The young lady says confessing to you once again.

"Sorry not interested." You quickly says which made her giggle even more. "Crazy...." You mumble.

"there's many suitors for you my princess." The old tojou commented. "You should choice another one." He added.

"but father! MC stolen my first kiss--"

[ AHAHAHAHHAHA. LMFAO the drama!] The voice in your head laughs as you dodge the hit that was thrown your way by the old tojou. "What?" -old tojou.

"I DONT KNOW WHAT SHE MEAN! I KISS NO ONE BUT MY FLUFFY CREATURES!" You reasoned out as you run away to another corner, away from that crazy dad.

"you seems to forget that I have saved your life." The young lady smiled so charmingly at you. "I have to give you a CPR to revive you... Don't that mean your life is mine now?" She give you a look that reminds you of a snake. "So marry me, ok? To take responsibility as you stole a kiss from this young lady." She added giggling like a villain.

There's laughter's in your head and you felt like your in a tight spot, the fluff around you isn't even helping.

SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM THIS CRAZY LADY!

...

PRESENT: KANAME

"NO WAY! THERES NO WAY THAT HAPPENED!" Kaname screams as he slam his hand at the table. He want to flip the table and flip his hand to his ancestor. "I HAVE SO MANY RIVALS WHYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!" he cries he cannot believe this!

"what drama." Jun sips his drinks as he reads the dairy entre that they found yesterday. "The charm points of mc is so op! Ii Hiyori!" Hiyori chuckle as he cannot help but interested in the current entre. Kaname hugs his knees as he rock himself back and forth in the table, trying to comfort himself about what he just learn.

He cannot believe even his ancestor likes you! He really need a death note! ( He been watching anime with jun other than reading your journal entre)

[amescastaignede]

CANON POINTS REGARDING AMÉLIE’S PERSONALITY. 

Amélie is twenty six years old and is a virgin. Partially by choice, and the other part is that she’s never felt comfortable enough or close to anyone in order to get that far. There was an ‘almost’ in college which she’d quickly found a reason to leave and never thought about again for the anxiety it brought was scary enough.

She has always been this anxious since she can remember, there was a significant moment that made her this way. She’d always been shy and socially awkward. it’s just who she was. People scare her, their motives and the fact that you can never truly know what someone is thinking or going to do. 

Amélie is the type to see the chairs all over the place in the library and fix the chairs herself like the chair arrangement is disrespectful enough to make her go out of her way.

Amélie would rather read books than converse with people. She finds classics are her favourite, but is partial to a coming of age novel or romance. She lives vicariously through them because she’s aware she struggles to have those moments herself.

Amélie lives in a maisonette apartment in Islington that has a condemned roof, shoving the sash window up in her bedroom, she often puts her records on before climbing up onto the room to watch the sun set and clumsily dances around. It’s her safe space, even though she’s aware that at some point the roof might cave in. Up there are two rusty old camp chairs that she will sometimes drink wine with Maria on and pretend they’re somewhere far away, in an exotic country because they’d can’t afford to actually go.

Amélie’s two most treasured thing in her home are her record player and her plants. She has a whole wall of records that she’s been collecting for years. Her most prized record is The Cure because it has ‘Pictures of You’, one of her most cherished songs. And her plants each have their own induvial names, she often gives them ‘baths’ where she puts a little bit of water in the bottom and leaves them there for a while.

Amélie hates drugs with a passion. She tried weed once in college and decided it wasn’t something she ever wanted to try again. She also drinks but not heavily at all. She doesn’t like the feeling of being drunk, it might be to do with the fact that the first time she got drunk she felt ill for days after and ever since then she sticks to a few glasses of wine. — however, she wouldn’t completely oppose to getting drunk again for something like a special event if she was with the right people.

Amélie is Christian and believes heavily in god. While her family were not people who pushed it upon them, she took it upon her self more so. Often going to church and trying to uphold being a good and loving person. Although she doesn’t believe in all of their values, she attempts to uphold what she can.

She is often laughed at by her friends for her choice of clothing, especially the more ‘girly’ or out going ones. The first time she ever met Alexis was in a toilet in a night club and a comment was made about her wearing her mothers clothes. 

[captainseaweedbrains]

I posted 7,820 times in 2022

That's 2,060 more posts than 2021!

47 posts created (1%)

7,773 posts reblogged (99%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@rosegardeninwinter

@glorianas

@mermaidsirennikita

@endlessnightlock

@lovely-tothe-bone

I tagged 1,981 of my posts in 2022

#period drama - 459 posts

#bridgerton - 252 posts

#otp: survival - 214 posts

#books - 213 posts

#the hunger games - 137 posts

#perfect movie - 137 posts

#the flock - 134 posts

#dead - 125 posts

#otp: hooked - 55 posts

#pride and prejudice - 44 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#give authors a little grace they are doing their bestthe recent antitrust trial should show you publishing doesn't know what the f it's doin

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Fav Peeta moment or quote in each books?

(Please tag other blog who want answer too)

Thank you 😊

@curiouspeetamellark

Oooooh, this is hard because Peeta is my favorite character in the series. Let's see... I'm doing both moment and quote because my favorite moments don't have my favorite quotes.

The Hunger Games:

Moment:The cave scene is the obvious choice, but I absolutely adore when he's teasing her in the river to help ease her stress over his injury. That scene just really highlights his easy-going, self-deprecating humor and I love him for it. Not caring if she and the entire country see him naked? Iconic.

Quote: I stand by this being the most important quote in the series because it shapes Katniss' narrative and how she moves forward in the series. And also because it proves Peeta isn't some weak character.

"I don't want them to change me in there. Turn me into some kind of monster that I'm not...No, when the time comes, I'm sure I'll kill just like everybody else. I can't go down without a fight. Only I keep wishing I could think of a way to--to show the Capitol they don't own me. That I'm more than just a piece in their Games," says Peeta.

Catching Fire:

Moment: Listen, Peeta Mellark shines in this book. Shines like the sparkling pearl that he is. Collins made him shine because she knew what she was going to do to him in Mockingjay and wanted us (and Katniss) to hurt. There are so many moments I could choose.

But my favorite moment probably in the whole series if I'm being honest is when Peeta gets knocked out by the force field and Katniss freaks the eff out, slapping him in the face, flabbergasted when Finnick starts kissing CPR, shoves Finnick out of the way when he comes to, AND THE FIRST THING PEETA SAYS IS "Careful. There's a force field ahead." LIKE. SIR. YOU JUST DIED. YOUR GALLOWS HUMOR IS SHOWING. And then he COMFORTS KATNISS AFTER JUST DYING. A true star. We stan Peeta Mellark in this household.

And then the fact that this moment is Peeta's true death sentence because it's what convinces Snow that Peeta can truly be used against Katniss???? *chef's kiss*

Quote: I am a simple woman and Katniss observing him drawing always gets to me. Look at them, being a normal couple for once, drawing on the couch while her foot heals. Just look at these two idiots.

“I like to watch his hands as he works, making a blank page bloom with strokes of ink, adding touches of color to our previously black and yellowish book. His face takes on a special look when he concentrates. His usual easy expression is replaced by something more intense and removed that suggests an entire world locked away inside him... I don't know quite what to make of it. I also become a little fixated on his eyelashes, which ordinarily you don't notice much because they're so blond. But up close, in the sunlight slanting in from the window, they're a light golden color and so long I don't see how they keep from getting all tangled up when he blinks.”

Mockingjay:

Moment/Quote: I absolutely love when Katniss and Peeta talk for the first time since his hijacking. That scene is incredible and proves Everlark would be incredibly obnoxious in a modern au if/when they ever broke up because that's literally what Mockingjay is with war thrown in. The pain and anger in this scene. Katniss' frustration. Peeta's hard, observant words. I eat this stuff up like it's cake.

"I must have loved you a lot."

"You did." My voice catches and I pretend to cough.

"And did you love me?" he asks.

I keep my eyes on the tiled floor. "Everyone says I did. Everyone says that's why Snow had you tortured. To break me."

"That's not an answer," he tells me.

Thanks for asking, dearie! I think everyone who would do this has already done it, so anyone who wants to talk about Peeta and how awesome he is, I tag you!

21 notes - Posted July 9, 2022

#4

I have a friend who hates Peeta so much, because they only watched the movies. They said that Peeta is a weakling and a stalker etc.

What key point or best qualities of Peeta's I should tell them so they change their mind? Thank you 😊

(Please don't answer with, "they should read the novel, it's so good!", I've tried many times, fail every times 😑) @curiouspeetamellark

Hello! I've seen people answer this, but I finally have the mental ability to get to this. So, let's see!

I think it's important for people to remember the time these movies originally came out in, which was post-Twilight movie era. Everyone and their mother was trying Not to Be Like Twilight. Which is ridiculous and sexist and yeah. Not Great, Bob. But yeah, the movies don't portray Peeta well (especially the first movie) because of this reaction to the Twilight movies. I think it's extremely important to remember that, and looking at interviews with cast for the first movie really drives that home. I wrote my thoughts on how Peeta/Everlark are portrayed in the movies and why it lacked so so much here.

As for qualities: Peeta Mellark is one of the most rebellious character in the series and is crucial to the plot. He doesn't just talk the talk. He walks the walk. Peeta is the one who wants to die as himself and not be a piece in the Capitol's game (which Katniss thinks is DUMB when she first hears it and later understands and embraces, might I add). Peeta is the one questioning why they should stop rebellion (IN SNOW'S MANSION!). Peeta is the one who drops the baby bomb, making those in the Capitol protest sending an expectant mother into the Hunger Games. Peeta is the one who warns District 13 about the attacks, thus saving them and risking more punishment himself. Peeta does a lot in the series that only Katniss gets full credit for, especially in the movies.

But his biggest rebellious trait is his kindness. Everything stems down to that. From risking a beating to save Katniss when they were kids, to purposely aligning himself with the Careers in their first Games to protect her (Which he almost DIES for). And then giving a lifetime worth of money to Rue and Thresh's families because he wanted to and not asking permission. He just does it. Kindness is so so rare in Panem (and our world, honestly). It does not get the respect it deserves, which is why he is often seen as "weak." But being kind to someone, especially when that someone wants you dead for game, is a thousand times harder than being mad and cruel. This is what makes him stand out to Katniss time and time again. And she does not mince words when it comes to her thoughts. She admires him greatly because of his kindness.

Another one of Peeta's strength is how he can work a crowd and that is extremely powerful. Words hold power, especially in a propaganda war like the one in the series. He can weave a narrative like no one's business. This is how he and Katniss win their first Game, ultimately. That star-crossed-lovers move helped them gain sponsors, even though he was merely stating he has a crush on her. And before someone claims that's manipulative, let's just think about how any of his statements harm anyone but himself. They don't. In fact, KATNISS (and Haymitch) is the manipulative one out of the two--for good reason! She was trying to keep them alive, but she played with his feelings no matter the intentions. She also drugged him, which isn't a great look either.

I'm not even touching upon how having a crush on someone is equivalent to stalking. I don't want to be friends with someone who jumps to that conclusion because it's unhealthy to think that. Unless Peeta is peeping in her window at night and following her every move, (which he's NOT. He AVOIDS her before and after the games) it's not stalking. In fact, he leaves the ball in Katniss' court throughout the entire series. She is always the first to initiate contact with him, seeks him out.

TL;DR: Peeta is important to the series. There would literally be no series without him because he's the moral compass to Katniss' story arc, makes her fully understand that the Capitol plays these games and the districts and tributes are just pieces in it. He is smart, kind, and important.

25 notes - Posted June 25, 2022

#3

My dearest friend, shall my eyes feast on the second chapter of the much anticipated story “The Flock” soon?

Very soon! Some time in October.

Here's a little teaser:

“I have decided Katniss will be dressed in blood red,” Marta announced that night in her cool, leveled tone. “It will act as a symbol of rebirth.” 

Cecily frowned. “Red? For a Binding? That seems a bit…unconventional.” 

“Perhaps,” Marta mused, stirring a bit of cream into her tea, “But Bara and I wish for Peeta’s Binding to be seen as a new dusk for our people. Samuel’s demise lies heavy on all our souls,” she said, her words incongruous with her tone, which did not sound remotely upset about the assassination of her husband’s father. “It is best we continue to remind the Flock that our family is about progress, and innovating what does not work.”  

“This is a Binding,” Cecily sniffed. “Not a political statement, Madame.”

“Ah,” Marta smiled, “but every ceremony is a political statement when you share the blood of the Mockingjay, Lady Axson. It is best to remember what family Katniss is joining.” 

How could Katniss forget? She was reminded of it constantly. 

25 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

#2

Flock Part 2 Teaser

I thought I’d give a little teaser to those interested in part 2 of The Flock. Enjoy! @rosegardeninwinter

“My lord!” Katniss exclaimed, holding onto her veil in fear the stupid thing would fly off in their haste. “What is the hurry?” 

Peeta stopped them and let go of her hand, taking a calming breath in. “Apologies, Miss Axson. I just knew my temperament was not ready for your grandmother, and my mother,” he added to lessen the insult. 

A smile played on her lips. “It is alright if you are not fond of my grandmother, Your Grace,” she mused, not expecting such an honest opinion from him. Everything about the Mellarks felt so calculated, especially as the Binding drew near, that it felt nice seeing her intended express his true thoughts to her. Katniss took a step closer to him. “In fact,” she said in a half conspiratorial whisper, “I am not always fond of her either.” 

There was that smile she liked so much. “Miss Axson,” he said, his voice warm in amusement, “I do not believe I’ve ever heard a woman speak so frank about her guardian. Well,” he laughed, “I suppose I’ve heard plenty from my mother, but never from a lady.” 

“Are you insinuating your mother is not a lady, Your Grace?” 

“I insinuate no such thing,” he said. “And let us stop with such titles. Our souls are to be Bound in two short months and you will be my wife. Call me by my baptismal name.”

30 notes - Posted May 9, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Katniss has been Paired beyond her family’s wildest hopes. Her upcoming Binding to the High Priest-Elect is sure to be an event for the tomes of Flock history, particularly if her grandmother has anything to say about it. But the longer the preparations drag on, the more beleaguered the young bride becomes. Peeta Mellark may be handsome and kind, but is that enough to entice her into life as a prudent and pious wife … and with Madame Mellark as her-mother-in-law?

As her impending nuptials loom, Katniss begins to consider her options.

Is she prepared to face their cost?

Religious cult Everlark

Hello all!

Part two is finally here, and only a couple days past the self-imposed deadline! *self-high five*

Wow. So over a year ago, when posting The Flock: The Pairing, I had no idea it would garner the love and support that it has. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and enthusiasm. Part two would not be here without you all.

And a HUGE thank you to the lovely and wonderful @rosegardeninwinter​ Part two truly wouldn't be done without her encouragement and editing and writing talent.

As always, all mistakes are mine.

I hope you enjoy part two and Katniss' journey to matrimony! And if you have not already, I highly encourage you to start with part one.

Read Part Two: The Veil on Ao3 👰🏽🥀💧🍞

78 notes - Posted November 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kendrixtermina]

Now I haven't seen her in those other shows so IDK if she can actuallly act/ do better than this.

But to me personally, Whittaker's character rarely ever felt like "the Doctor" to me.

And no it's not her gender, cause imho Gomez nailed the Master. Also, it wasn't unique to the Doctor cause all of the main characters felt very bland, to the point that one-off characters often had more personality when a good-ish guest writer or talented guest actor showed up.

It was like a superficial pastiche of the character that was missing the all the depht.

Like, ok here are some quirky jokey lines, but often the character seemed like someone who wants to be normal but can't manage it ("am I being weird?") rather than someone who is charismatic, wie & confident, but also a proud eccentric & nonconformist. Someone who has a detached big picture perspective, but still is compassionate, or makes an effort to be if it doesn't come naturally.

Instead there is this very annoying conflation of eccentricity & detached perspective with lack of caring. (The Graham Cancer scene)

As an eccentric nonconformist who doesn't give a fuck about social conventions, it's a bit hard for me not to take this a wee bit personally... Also, it's just the standard stereotypic TV genius, so more generic & boringer than "the Doctor" & for me personally it takes away what I liked about or related to about the character. They made the "I'm weird & proud of it" character ashamed of being weird and also just like ppl's misconceptions of weird ppl as uncaring.

And then of course the backstory retcon also changes her from someone who is special due to being a nonconformist & disagreeing with her civilizations views (but still having a bunch to learn from the ppl outside & not always being free of its hubris) due to someone who is special just because she's a walking plot device from nowhere, & is an unambiguous victim but also secretly superior.

Like past Doctors were tactless abrasive & foot-in-mouth as fuck, but if someone's outwardly expressing worry, there would have been some encouraging, inspiring speech there. 2 talking about his family. 10 saying that a longer life isn't always better or how fragility has inspired humans, 11s speech in the Van Gogh episode. Even 6, probably the most tactless Doctor, managed to confort Peri after the ravalox reveal.

Likewise, 2 and 5 were written or played as a tad more soft & nervous, but they could still do an epic speech or comforting gesture if needed. Also I question the choice of making the first female incarnation unconfident & self-conscious.

They also tried to have the sort of moral dilemmas typical of the sci-fi genre but here too it looks like lifting just the superficials. It lacks dephts, it's not actually consistent. It's just "guns bad" (why? Ryan was shooting at robots there...) but ends with crazy takes like "killing bad but slow suffocaton/eternal imprisonment rules", or having her make a "you can be better than this" speech but she's not really giving the villain a chance but stalling time to blow him up.

This is different from having characters take an edgy/ambiguous action & treating it as-such in-universe complete with repercussions. Rather the narrative treats her like a moral paragon & doesn't seem to realize it's inconsistencies. Wasn't the whole point of gender-flipping her supposed to be to fix the lack of female anti-heroes? I see no anti-hero, or the characters seriously disagreeing in a non-black & white way, even though we have a relatively large cast.

Also, Sci-Fi is a genre that tends to expect a high-bow audience, but the scripts constantly talk down to me. "Did you know that... climate change baaad?" And this show is theoretically aimed at a young audience. As if gen Y weren't all racked with climate anxiety & the ones doing all those protests even in school.

jodie whittaker was not miscast as 'the doctor' but she was severely miscast as wqhat chibnal lwantewd from the thirteenth doctor. like whittaker is rewally weak and tedious to watrch doing Silly Quirky Doctor but unfortunately that's most of what the script gives her to work with. she's not tom baker or matt smith who can imbue even boring scripts or poorly written lines with comedy just from body language and mugging at the camera, she comes across as so bland and such a weak presence. she needed dramatic, angry, spit-flying tears-in-eyes speeches because in the stuff she's g ood in (broadchurch, antigone, etc) that's where she shines, being passionate and bursting with feeling, whether it's sadness or righteous anger. i honestly believe thirteen should have been a broodier darker doctor if chibnall wanted to play to whittaker's strengths as an actress

[toffyrats]

hey guys

have a little thingy i did w my ocs. avery is a wolf and juliette is a bunny for context... it takes place sometime mid 1800s havent decided yet lmao. i am NOT explaiming their whole lore but yeah lets just. go. also predator/prey racism system is like in zootopia but ramped up abit because it's the 1800s cmon. oh yeah also im sosorry for the lack of indents i wrote this on my musty old phone

"so... philadelphia, huh?" avery snorted as he flopped down less than gracefully onto the train bench. "what's so special 'bout it anyway? jus' seems like another stuck-up, pompous city wit' a bunch of stuck-up, pompous animals to go with it. 's like a package deal wit' cities."

avery leaned back sideways on the bench, his head hitting the wall. he stole a quick glance over at juli and shook his head. "no offense." a pause. "actually, no, all offense." he curled up in the corner of the seat, his tail curled almost protectively around himself. he huffed and stared out of the window.

juliette sighed and self-consciously pulled her dress down across her knees. "well, sor-RY. guess you're used to it by now."

"used to what? you forcin' me to go on this stupid train ride and inevi.. in.. hold on." avery stopped for a moment, seemingly thinking, only the tip of his tail moving. "inevita... i-nev-i-ta-ble-y. inevitably talkin' my ear off the whole way?" he finally got out, looking proud of himself for a moment before his usual scowl creased his face. "'cause i ain't."

"no, avery," juli groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. "i mean, used to being pushed around. by our kind." she made a wild gesture with her paw, looking around almost desperately. "you know... rabbits, mice-" she pointed to the train attendant, who had been especially rude to avery while the pair had been boarding the car. "-deer, haha. uh... um-"

"yeah, ya runnin' outta prey to name? i got it, thanks," avery snarled, his lip curling dangerously and his tail lashing, brushing against the leather seat.

"r-right. uh." juli searched for somehow, something to change the subject. giving up, she let out a long and- if she was being honest, purposely exaggerated- sigh, and mirrored avery's sulking against the window.

there was a few beats of tensioned silence, before avery broke it with another snort.

"ha. there ya are, mopin' by the window, waitin' for me to comfort you. it's this thing with girls, i've learned."

juliette indignantly opened her mouth to retort, even though she inwardly knew avery was right.

"aaaand there it is," he drawled with a rude-sounding chuckle. "see, this is why i don't do comfort. whatever needs to be said, it'll be that way eventually. if it never is, it wasn't important enough."

"that's awful!"

"tha's jus' life, darlin'. now go on and tell me, and rest assured, i won't care." avery made a dramatic slicing motion with both his arms and then fell back against the seat, grinning triumphantly. his top canines curled out prominently, and juli just shook her head with a sad sigh.

"the whole reason we're on this train.. my father sent for me."

"woah, the big guy himself, eh? must be quite a day."

juli glared daggers at the wolf- sprawled out disrespectfully on the seat in front of her- before going on. "i don't mean to appear rude, but... you probably don't understand how rich families truly work..." juli waited for a sneer, a laugh, some kind of snide remark from avery- but it never came. good, atleast he might be kind of paying attention.

"the men get the inheritance, the money, the power, the choices. while the women... get the chance to-"

"marry into just another pretentious jackass household?" avery tore his eyes away from the window, and juliette lifted her gaze from her lap.

"yeah..." she breathed. it wasn't anything special, what avery said. but the satisfaction of knowing he was listening at all was enough for juli.

"my father wants to marry me off. for the money, i assume." juli hung her head once again, wringing her paws and her nose twitching nervously in that way all rabbits did. "unfair, methinks, after running away to philadelphia immediately after receiving the dowry and inheritance. i don't want to see him- he ruined my mother's life. and in turn, mine." her paws curled into fists at her sides. "i much less don't want to marry someone like him--"

"then you shouldn't have to." avery's voice was as stubborn and angry-sounding as it always was, but there was a tone of softness in it that juli had never heard him use before. "fuck ya da. fuck the rules. who cares? why'd ya even get on the train in the first place?"

"my mother would be disappointed," juliette whispered, her ear tips stinging slightly from the strong curses flowing from avery's mouth as if they were slaps to the face.

"ya know what, fuck ya ma, too." juli's ears twitched involuntarily and angled away. "i saw that!" avery shouted, earning him a loud hush from the train attendant. he glared at him before leaning closer to juli and dropping his voice volume slightly. "you listen to me, dollface. if ya don't wanna do it, who on god's green earth is gonna make you?? no one, that's who."

"i have to marry into a rich family. i barely get a choice," juli sobbed, wiping her eyes with the back of her paw.

"yeah, well- it ain't right." avery nudged juli's paw away from her face gentler than both of them would have expected him to. "listen, when we get to philadelphia, you'll see. i'm sure ya da ain't all that anyways."

avery swallowed suddenly and returned to his curled-up state in the corner of his seat.

"thank you," juliette breathed out. "for that."

"'t was nothin'," avery mumbled, running his paws across the brush of his tail.

they rode in complete- though comfortable- silence for the rest of the trip.