#she's like hella booked up and her books have been closed for a while so i feel like this flash drop is gonna be competitive??

[kirstielol]

so that tattoo artist that only does insects is dropping a bunch of flash today and opening her books for flash only....... soooooooooo if she uploads something i like i might end up booking tattoo #2 today

[ltleflrt]

Figuring out I'm on the ace spectrum was so difficult because I have always been a horny bitch. I knew what sex was at a fairly young age, because I'd asked my mom and she's one of those good parents who'll answer questions like those, and as I grew older and would ask more complex questions, her answers would evolve along with my curiosity and understanding of the world. And I remember having fantasies as young as 9 or 10 years old, even if they were hella vague and nothing close to what sex actually is lol

So as I became a teenager, and all my friends' focus turned from playing with dolls to flirting with boys, I automatically thought I was attracted to boys. And I paid more attention to Cute Boys than I did to Cute Girls, because girls were just nice to look at while boys were People To Have Crushes On. Because of heteronormativity. Looking back on it now, I know there were girls I liked to stare at just as intently as boys, although less often because I wasn't trying to pay attention. And I certainly didn't fantasize about girls because I started reading romance novels in 5th grade, so I was fantasizing about male romantic partners because that was the fiction I was consuming. I didn't even realize fantasizing about girls was possible until I was 17, and I had a few "am I a lesbian" internal crises for years because of it.

So when I did start having sex, I had A LOT OF IT with SO MANY different guys, and eventually a couple of women once I started accepting that bisexuality was real. But it was never really fulfilling. Not like my fantasies were. Not like my books were. I was slutty because sex was fun, I was horny, there were plenty of options so I kept searching for that satisfaction I was craving.

Getting married was a relief (even though it turns out I'm aro-spec too lol) because I was tired of hunting, and even if sex with my husband was meh, at least I had someone around to scratch that itch if I had it, and he didn't mind if I occasionally took care of things on my own because I'd read an especially hot scene in a romance.

I learned about asexuality in my early 20s, but I brushed it off. Couldn't be me, I'm far too horny for that. But I think that comes from the fact that everything you hear about Aces is attached to sex-repulsion or sex-indifference. I wasn't either of those things. I was horny all the dang time. I was fantasizing about sex all the dang time. I figured actual sex was meh because my imagination was so vivid that real life could never match up. Which could be true to an extent, but I think not as much as popular opinion would have us believe. If fantasy was really that much better for everyone, then I think we'd have less incels and unplanned pregnancies than we do.

In my 30s I finally saw people talking about The Spectrum, and I started examining my past, and I figured out I wasn't really attracted to anyone I had sex with. I do occasionally find someone attractive; there are men and women and enbies who make my skin feel tight and give me a little wave of lightheadedness lol... but it's always always the fantasy that gets me really going. If given the opportunity I wouldn't have sex with any of those people. Thank you, but no thank you, I'd rather just imagine it than physically participate in the act with them.

(Ok I might go down on them, but that's less about wanting sex, and more about being able to add them to my Tally. Hell yeah I want to brag about making *insert hot person* have an orgasm. There's PRIDE in that kind of accomplishment lol)

I have a lot of respect for aces that are not horny. I understand it even if I don't share the sentiment. And I feel like most of them understand me even if they don't share the sentiment. There's a solidarity between us.

Until I go into a fandom tag for a character that the aces have glommed onto because they're canonically ace or headcanoned as ace. Good lord, the non-horny aces can turn into downright vicious bastards if a horny ace sexualizes their blorbo.

This post is for them.

Horny aces exist. Please look up "autochorissexual, lithosexual, and aegosexual."

Refer to those definitions in regards to romantic attraction as well as sexual attraction.

Some aces may not fall into one of those definitions, because asexuality is a spectrum, but they may still be horny.

Horny aces are not disrespecting you by enjoying being horny on main. We promise we'll wash the stickiness off our hands before we hold your hands in queer solidarity.

And most importantly: Your blorbo is fictional and does not need to be defended from icky sexuality. They exist in an infinite multiverse, so your blorbo and my blorbo are not the same, even if they appear to be on the surface.

AND:

This post is also for the people who are confused about themselves because they're horny but don't actually feel attraction. You're not crazy, you're not wishy washy, you're not "waiting for the right person to come along" (unless you are, in which case I hope you find them). You're just a thin strip of color on a massive rainbow that holds more unique shades than anyone can perceive at a glance.

You're valid. You're one of us too.

And don't be mean to the non-horny aces. Tag your smut so they can avoid it. (But actually so I can find it lol)

[pascals-doll]

like a virgin

joel miller x reader

🫧 inspired by madonnas like a virgin MY MADONNA CONCERT IS COMING UP I-

🫧 i always make my writings for joel so long but i love this man smm i could write all day for him it dont even b on purpose 😩

🫧 description: pre-outbreak!joel, babysitter!reader, reader babysits sarah, semi-fluff, DILF JOEL DILFFF, age gap (joel is 36 and reader is early 20s), smut smut, SMUT SMUTTT, dom!joel, softdom!joel(ugh i need so bad),sub!reader, hella praise kink, reader and joel are obessesed w each other tbh, secret crushing, body worship (reader reciving/ slight joel), pussy eating, possessive!joel, unprotected sex, p in v sex, hair pulling (j recieving), tommy is a teasing p.o.s 😭, no use of y/n, use of nicknames (sweetheart, darlin, and sweet girl).

you stepped into the miller’s residence weekly to babysit his daughter Sarah, she was the sweetest teen girl. she reminded you a bit of yourself when you were her age which was probably the cause of the instant connection.

you had been baby-sitting for almost 8 months now, leading to getting closer to Joel; Sarah’s dad.

Joel was more than a hunk of a man, he towered over you even with your heeled mary-janes at times, his broad build engulfing all his clothing making him look like a slutty construction worker with his roughed up baggy-blue jeans thats sinched around his waist perfectly.

you would be lying if you wouldn’t oogle the man while his attention was pulled onto something else. you would watch the way he talked so sweetly to Sarah, yet when it came to a phone call, his neighbor, a stranger or his brother, Tommy that would occasionally stop by.

Joel would have this assertive and unruly tone underneath that thick southern accent. he was a man that paid close attention in his life which is why he has allowed you to take care of his daughter with so much trust.

you would never know it but Joel cherished you and the things you do.

Joel would show it in very discreet ways, today was a prime a example.

“m’havin a famiy cookout later t’night, why don’t you head on home to rest, so you can come back to enjoy with us.” Joel invitied you with ease as you began to grab your belongings from his coat-rack near his front door.

you grabbed your purse, walking towards the sound of his voice which was right around the corner. Joel was standing in his wide living room.

“it would be more than my pleasure. thank you for everything again. im always very appreciative for sarah and you” you thanked him sweetly, eyes meeting his.

he stood next to his large bookcase that had an assortment of different books, personal objects, some cds/dvds, and his vinyls.

joel picked up a vinyl, sliding out of the slot in the shelving of his bookcase, pulling it out of the envelope, and placing it on the record player.

yet another instance, where you accidentally ogle him.

“the real thank you should be t’ya. im adjustin’ to single parentin’ and ya’ been very accommodatin’, thank you.”

your kind demeanor was the sweetner to his coffee.

you were now home, getting dressed to return to the Miller’s residence.

usually when you’re babysitting, you dressed lazily. you would put on a random shirt and jeans or sweats.

you wanted to cleanup a bit more, knowing it wasnt just going to be you and sarah most of the day; Joel would be there.

you threw on this cute blue floral sundress that was mid-length, it stopped right below your cross necklace.

you finished up by pairing it with white frilly socks with mid-heeled black flats.

you didn’t put much makeup on, only putting the basics before doing any last touch-ups and grabbing your black mini-purse.

𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪

once you arrived, opening the gate and greeting a few of the people that were sitting on the porch before entering through the front door.

the sound of chatter got louder as you walked through his home. you turned around to the corner and his living room was empty but his kitchen was cluttered with different food and grill necessities.

you thought to yourself how they must be outside, you began to walk farther into his home till the back where the sliding door to his backyard was.

you began to slide the door open “oh my!! you came!” sarah squealed out of excitement, she came from restroom door next to the side of his sliding door.

you immediately engulfed the excited girl that ran into your arms “i wouldn’t miss it for the world, girl!” you exclaim while smiling.

“c’mon! my dad is outside grilling!” sarah spoke excitedly. she grabbed your hand as you opened the door and walked outside together.

𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪

“d’ya invite that sweet babysitter of yours?” Tommy asks joel while seasoning the steak “i did, i hope she comes-you know, for sarah and all” Joel tries to play off with his words.

“oh my brother fancy’s someone, i see” Tommy chuckles out, putting his beer bottle up in the air slightly.

“i do not fuckin’fancy that young lady. she’s gone above and beyond for my daughter and i just wanted her to feel welcome” Joel explains himself, his tone laced with angry yet getting his explaination a across a bit hastily. Tommy’s eyebrow quirks.

“don’t say nothin’ else” Joel utters out in a stern tone, grabbing his cold corona as Tommy puts his hands up in defence.

Tommy turned his head, not the best decision as it made his amusement grow fonder. he turns back to Joel.

“well, ya’look at that brother” Tommy slys out, throwing a wink at his older brother before making his way back to his wife Maria.

It was you and sarah approaching, Joel actually choked on his sip of beer.

you were beautiful, Joel wasn’t an oblivious man.

Joel, himself even thought it was impressive how easily you cleaned yourself up by just some jeans and sweatshirt; at times just a shirt.

tonight was different, very different.

Joel finally has seen you outside of your different hoodies and pants.

he couldn’t begin to comprehend as you and sarah got closer and closer “Dad! she made it” sarah calls him out in excitement.

you finally approached him next to his griller which caused him to immediately snap out of his gaze.

Joel gave you his hand to shake “thank you so much for having me” you thank him, sweetly accepting as you began to shake pulling you in for a soft side hug.

you were right beside him, feeling the heat of the fire from the grill on both of you.

in Joel’s eyes, up close, your beauty was now beyond otherworldly. your light blue sundress bringing out the color of your eyes, the way your hair fell on your shoulders, and your jewlery sparkiling the tone of your skin.

you looked so elegant, yet you still managed to keep it simple. your winged liner making you look more mature than just the light mascara you would rush onto your lashes before getting out of your car on babysitting days.

Joel couldn’t begin to wrap it around his mind how you could possibly look so pure yet you were a woman. a hard-working one at that.

he knew that. it was something that made him desire you which felt so wrong.

“anytime, ya deserve to be apart of the family-shit! ya’already are” Joel goes off a bit nervously after ogling you. you gave him a soft smile.

“did’ya need help with the grill?” you quickly perk in as the fire began to sizzle a tad bit louder than usual “ah shit!” Joel exclaims, flipping each of the steak.

“careful now, brother! dont burn ‘em!” Tommy calls out, laughing with a devious smirk as he approaches again with cooler in hand.

Joel grumbled something under his under his breath as he focused on the grill.

“nice to meet you, i’ve heard s’much about you! I’m Joel’s brother, Tommy.” the younger brother introduces himself.

you give him your hand to shake “It is nice to meet the uncle tommy” you joke out causing sarah to giggle with you.

Joel couldn’t begin to explain the beauty you carried within you.

he was sure that if a god made you, it was Hestia and Aphrodite.

𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪 𓆩♡𓆪

the evening was pleasantly spent by you getting to meet maria and her pregnant belly, congratulating her.

then once it was time to serve the dinner, you helped Joel and Tommy by moving the grilled food off of the grill.

this consisted of Tommy making jokes that had slight insinuating under-tones that you were too naive to pick up but laugh everytime Joel would punch Tommy’s shoulder roughly, not being playful at all.

you helped bring in the food as sarah set up the dining table. once everything was set up and everyone sat down to eat, Joel’s grilling being beyond splendid.

when dinner was over while everyone cleaned up, you went to use the restroom.

you finished using up the restroom which is how you were now in Joel’s living room.

you began to admire his large bookcase from where he stood earlier to invite you.

you skimmed through, your hands softly going over the objects as you observed his books, framed pictures, his collection of dvds, and then his vinyls.

you had a record player of your own, sometimes sarah would ask you to play bon jovi and tell you where the record was.

Joel had an impressive collection, ranging to every genre of music. he had some legends on vinyls like Bob Marley, Johnny Cash, Lionel Richie, and Madonna.

you immediately picked up the Madonna vinyl, it was her second album ‘Like a Virgin’.

you grew up with your mom adoring Madonna more than anything which explains your adoration for her music.

“I was in highschool when i first heard Madonna” a deep voice spoke through the room, behind you.

you automatically knew it was Joel, turning around still looking at the tracklist on the back of his vinyl “this is my favorite album besides Like a Prayer” you say as you walk up to him, smiling.

“you weren’t even born yet” Joel laughs out causing you to jokingly get offended.

“excuse me, i know my Madonna” you joke back, giving him a playful wink which he just gave you a slight chuckle too.

“she say she know she Madonna, ay?” he gives you a slight smile, opening up his record player before inserting the vinyl.

soon enough the record player began to ring a classic 80s pop beat through the room.

you automatically felt yourself slightly popping your leg with the beat and snapling your fingers slightly.

“go ahead, Mr.80s” you state smiling, inviting him to dance “oh no, i-don’t dance” Joel quirks out awkwardly, now standing nervous.

Joel admired your confidence and comfortabilty in your skin, you were so young and full of life while also being so sophisticated and methodical.

you grab Joels hands and began to playfully sway with him.

Oh, like a virgin

Touched for the very first time

Like a virgin

When your heart beats next to mine

🫧

you sang the melodious lyrics under your breath. you felt your breath hitch as you locked eyes with joel, being in his grasp.

you could feel your body burn up in his strong hold, his heavy hand on the small of your waist.

your breath hitched causing your chest to push up against his chest. this felt so right, the way his hands held your body and each of your curves.

🫧

You're so fine, and you're mine

Make me strong, yeah, you make me bold

Oh, your love thawed out

Yeah, your love thawed out

What was scared and cold

Joel made you feel more than a woman, you were so polish and refined, yet so sophisticated and mature while all-looking ever so young and full of life.

he felt a bit of confidence which made him twirl you around, engulfing you into his embrace again with one arm; your back to his chest now.

you swore the sound of the song was slowly drowning out and now the sexual tension was ringing through the both of you.

you could feel his heartbeat thump against your back as his hands rubbed both sides of your waist to the rythem of your delicate sways.

you leaned your head back against his chest, his scent being the only thing on your mind.

you felt him begin to caress your hair with one hand as it left your waist.

“you’re s’beautiful, hope y’know that” Joel could blame it on his 5 beers but 5 beers wasn’t shit for Joel, he was very conscious of his choices.

the compliment sent shivers down your spine as you swore your knees grew limp momentarily.

you turned around, your thigh now inbetween one of his legs, chests pressed against each other, his hands gripping your hips now, and faces inches away from each other.

your lips were parted, you really were debating on kissing the beautiful hunk of a dad infront of you.

fuck it

just like that, within no time your lips were moving like you both had never kissed anyone before.

the song continuing to play as the both of you makeout in his living room while everyone was outside.

the way his hands ran through all of your body like he had never touched anyone, your lips pulling away to catch your breathe momentarily like you had never been kissed like that before.

Joel completely ravished you.

hell…now that he had you, he wasn’t gonna let go now.

“m’room darlin’” he mutters against your lips, before completely scooping you up bridal style. it caught you slightly off guard, gasping which made Joel smack your ass playfully.

“oh, aren’t you a gentleman?” you joke, your arms were wrapped around his neck.

“oh, don’t’cha worry sweetheart” Joel smirks out as you arrived to his room.

he laid you on his bed, going down with you while on top of you. he began to move his lips from kissing you to your neck, pulling down the small straps that held your dress.

each kiss that Joel placed on your body felt like a burning sensation, making your insides erupt with giddiness.

you felt like this was your first time all over again. your mind was racing, heart was nervous, and body was clamy.

and it was all because of Joel.

you weren’t sexually active at all recently, you were so busy with work, about to graduate with your masters, and even babysitting sarah; spending more time at the Millers than on dates.

you did go out but lord were the guys of this generation a bunch of sluts.

“what’s on your mind? am i doin’ somethin’ wrong?” Joel’s rushes out accidentally, not wanting to sound nervous but he did.

you weren’t only one feeling like a bad teenager doing this for the first time.

Joel smelled your perfume and that was all it took to get his mind racing. he couldn’t begin to fathom how he finally got to have you.

the way his big frame craddled yours sent him into overdrive, his heart going a million miles per minute as he tries to figure out where to even begin.

for you, it might’ve been a year but for him, it was almost like ages with the years he’s gone.

all Joel’s mind could do was think of all the things he could do to you.

“Joel-hmph” you couldnt help but whine out as his hands massaged closer and closer to your arousal.

“there there sweet girl, you ever been with a man?” Joel asks, lifting your dress up, exposing your angelic white panties.

Joel was damned forsure for the filthy thoughts you provoked out of him.

“n-no, i have never—they were idiots.” you felt so small under him, feeling overwhelmed like it was your first time all again.

at this point, you could’ve considered yourself a virgin with how Joel had you and how much of a man he was.

“you ain’t gon’go lookin’ f’someone to take care of that pretty lil’mind, not after im done with’ya.” Joel claims to you.

you believe every single word laced in his southern accent; making your cunt pulsate wantingly.

“is that what you want to do, Joel? take care of me?” you ask him, lifting your leg to spread yourself open more as you wrap it around his lower waist; basically resting on his thick thigh.

the way you looked at him through your lashes, batting them softly. it was a genuine question, laced with purity and hope.

“if you’ll allow me too-” Joel began, pulling down your panties. you expected him to unbuckle his belt next but no; he got on his knees.

your chest weighed up and down heavily, each of his touch making your body hot.

“it’s my only wish for taking care of me and sarah” Joel finishes before hooking both of your legs up onto his shoulders, his tongue wasting no time.

you didn’t even get a chance to respond, a moan erupting out of you being the only thing.

the way he ate your pussy like he didn’t just eat a whole meal downstairs had your back already arching.

Joel’s tongue swiped along all of your cunt, fucking your sweethole “jesus, ya’taste fuckin’ delicious” Joel mumbles against your pussy as his tongue quickens all along your juiced cunt.

“ahmph!” your shriek sounding like music to his ears, if he didnt have his family downstairs, he’d have you screaming.

“quiet fa’me, doll” he says, taking a hand to cover your mouth as before diving back in.

joel’s tongue fucks into your hole this time causing you to let out a muffled moan against his big hand.

the way that man was eating your pussy, tainting your pussy with his spit, marking it all as his drove you insane. there wasnt nothing this man couldn’t do.

“god! j-joel!” you muffle out, your hands go to his roughed up brown hair, pulling on it causing him to groan into your dripping pussy.

you felt yourself getting closer and closer, your pussyhole squeezing around the tip of his tongue.

“this pussy s’perfect- s’all fuckin’ mine.” Joel spits out once he pulled away from your pussy, denying you of your orgasm.

your mouth was agape in pleasure but then quickly falling into a pout “don’t worry darlin’, my baby will cum…on my dick” Joel’s voice is sweet like honey now as he leaned down to connect your lips together.

you taste yourself on his lips, mixture of his spit along his lips causing you to moan at the mix of both of your filth fogging your mind.

the way both of your lips moved in sync perfectly was beyond intoxicating for joel. he swore he could get addicted to just at the look of you but at this point, both of your lips had him drunk.

he had shimmied and kicked off his pants while making-out with you. he was completely taking over you once again, your body turning small under his big one.

“are you ready, sweetheart?” joel asks delicately, pulling away from your lips to look at your eyes.

you told him yes, leaning up to take his shirt off which he happily obliged.

you had only seen his toned arms but it was obvious he had a strong build. he might’ve not had a six-pack but lord were his muscles chiseled like a greek god.

“you gon’ drool over an old man?” joel utters out, his hand going in to caress your hair.

“oh baby, you’re beyond fine wine.” you whisper. your forehead’s connected, lips away from kissing, and looking him deep in his chocolate eyes.

Joel could feel his breath hitch at what you said, you already had him wrapped around your finger as he worshipped you.

Joel thrusted himself into you, he couldn’t even fucking believe how tight you were.

“jesus- god, this pussy s-ah fuck!” joel’s groan was almost animalistic as your mouth fell as if you wanted to scream but nothing came out.

Joel’s cock was a size you’ve never had before, it didnt hurt but oh, did it stretch.

“s’big-oh my!” you moan out loudly, eyes rolling back at the feeling of him delectably stretching your pussy out.

“you got it baby, you got it” he praises you although he was too busy trying not too pass-out because of your cunt.

after a small moment of adjusting for the both of you, he began to thrust into you at a slow pace.

you arch into him as your whimpers and soft moans turn slowly work their way up to louder and heavier moans.

joel worked himself into you, his mind not being able to get enough of all of you. he still had to process that he really had a young beautiful woman with the heart of a home in his bed.

joel completely held your body with one hand, eventually putting a hand over your mouth again once his sweet thrusts turned into pounds.

your body shaking against his with each of his rough and hard thrusts, fucking your name out of your mind and replacing it wirh his.

your muffled little cries of his name “Joel! joel-ah! j-j! j-joel!” sounding like a sweet lullaby to him. he couldn’t help but smirk at your teary eyed-self.

you werent even worried about ruining that pretty liner of yours as he fucked into you.

“shh my baby, you’re taking me so well” joel coos out, caressing you hair before leaning down to plant kisses and suck on your chest.

your hands grip his bed sheets as your body begins to shake in pure sensual bliss that joel brought you, making your mind fog up as the build up of your orgasm is almost virginal.

“ya’look so beautiful like this-” praises left joel’s lips left and right, loving and indulging in every single one of his praises as he fucked you to your orgasm so sickeningly good; leaving the both of you intoxicated.

“you was made fa’me, not no one else.” Joel’s eyes were shut now, completely lost in the pleasure you were giving him.

it was almost like a prayer, a hopeful chant, almost a possessive plead.

joel had wanted you just as much as you wanted him “yes! god yes! m’close! it’s y-yours! all yours!” your pleasure-filled babbles as your mind gets drunk of joels cock and overwhelming orgasm.

“let go, darlin’ ” Joel works you through your orgasm, hips going from pistoling into you to the delicate pace he started off with.

your entire body shook as both of your sweaty hot bodies embraced each other through both of your orgasms.

the room filled with heavy pants and moans as his hand left your mouth and began to massage your hair.

you both held each other, not wanting to let go of each other.

“i understand what madonna meant by ‘like a virgin’ now” you giggle out causing a playfully scoff to come from him.

“alright alright, we need t’get dressed and head back down. would ya’ want to stop by tomorrow after i drop sarah off at school?” joel asks, his chocolate eyes now ridden of lust and replaced with soft hope.

you were about to tell him yes but another voice spoke before you.

“are you fucking done?! fuck! i can’t keep stalling Sarah and Maria!” it was Tommy.

[mypearlsareclutched]

We're Sinking Into The Sand

High By The Beach | Chapter Eleven

Modern!Aegon II x Original Female Character, Modern!Aemond x Original Female Character

After the chaos that was Viserys' funeral, Mila heads back to Old Town to help the Targaryen she loves. But it was Aemond who brought her and Aegon together, will it be him who tears them apart?

BTDubs this was where I was originally planning on ending the series but I had SO MUCH MORE TO SAY about Mila and the Targs and ole Creggie and the homies. So (as you can tell from the masterlist) there are a further six chapter coming after this mwah. Also I updated hella quick, huh? Who's proud of me <3

Song inspiration | High By The Beach, Lana Del Rey

CW//TW: Sexual Content (MDNI, 18+), smut, angst, joking at an inappropriate time Aegon style, Old Town and the beach house, drugs, mentions of addictions, HELLA angst at the end, British lingo, morning sex, passionate missionary yuh, consent is sexy, Aegon is OOC in that respect, enjoy the good vibes while they last because I'm here to hurt your feelings <\3

Word count | 5.2k

previous chapter // next chapter

It took almost a whole day to drive back to Old Town. Which was good time. She drove like a bat out of hell, never stopping. Except for traffic lights, because having the police on her ass was not in the cards. By the time she arrived to her destination, the sun was falling down in the sky once again.

Parking Laena's car in the driveway of the Old Town beach house, Mila breathes out a sigh she didn't realize she had been holding in her lungs since leaving the Targaryen home.

Just the sight of the house relieved tension inside her very bones, the smell of the sea air drifting through the open windows and the sound of seagulls flying high above all made her feel like a weight was lifted off of her shoulders.

Another car was parked beside the house, expensive looking and clearly the car Aegon had stolen from Viserys' garage. Mila walked past it to the house, holding the front door's handle with shaky hands.

The house is unlocked, the keys discarded on the table near the door, next to Aegon's alien sunglasses. He must be here.

"Aegon?" Mila calls out, stepping into the entryway.

The house is silent, save for the ticking of the grandfather clock against the far wall. No lights have been turned on, the room is shadowy and painted with strips of sunlight from the surrounding windows. A small sliver of darkness catches Mila's eye, and she crouches down to pick up a black tie.

A pair of sandy, black dress shoes lie a few feet away, the discarded garments leading a bread crumb trail right to the bedroom. Mila stands, walking to the door in search of the MIA Targaryen. A relieved sigh leaves her when she sees him.

He's lying on the bed, legs splayed out over the edge and eyes closed. His black suit from the funeral is still in tact, save for the tie and his shoes.

"Hey-"

"Seven hells!" Aegon exclaims, sitting up. His wide eyes blink at her, before he exhales out a laugh, "Jesus, Em, you scared the shit out of me."

Mila laughs as she shakes her head, her own spirits lifting as she looks at his smiling face, a much prefered alternative to the grimace he wore during his father's funeral.

"So, you took a page out of my book and fled the Targaryen prison?" He asks, standing up.

"Yeah, and Otto is going to drag you by your short and curlies right back there." Mila shakes her head, smoothing her hands over the crinkled black dress she still wore.

"Let him try." Aegon chuckles, "I can disappear if I want to."

He wraps his arm around her waist, pressing his lips to hers in a passionate yet gentle kiss. Mila sinks into it, letting out a please hum as he licks along her lower lip.

The kiss grows heated, and Aegon's hands are quick to wrap around her and pick her up, spinning her around to deposit her on the bed. Mila's legs open automatically to welcome him in, his weight a comforting presence against her sore body. Soft hands run through her hair, over her thighs. Chapped lips run along her neck.

Aemond's hands... Aemond's mouth...

"Baby, stop." Mila says softly, guilt wracking her body as she pushes him away gently. Aegon's face falls, but not from disappointment. Concern is evident on his cherubic features, his hands leaving her as he sits up and looks at her worriedly.

"What's wrong? We don't have to if you don't want to-"

"I fucked Aemond." Mila bites out, closing her eyes.

Aegon is silent, and her stomach drops. He blinks at her, and she can see his mind processing what she just said.

"Oh." He says, voice soft and robotic.

"Aegon-"

"Okay."

"What?"

"I said okay." He shrugs, lying back down on the bed, "That's fine, it's your body, babe."

"Aeg-"

"I don't want to talk about it." Aegon sighs, one hand coming to cover his eyes, as his other hand takes hers. Mila looks down at their clasped fingers, squeezing his hand.

"I'm so sorry."

"Hey, shh." He sits up, eyes once again soft and face warm again, taking her hands in his, "I'm not mad at you, baby. I would never be. This shit is complicated. I just... don't want to hear the details. It'll make me want to cut open my stomach and pull out all my internal organs.

"I wouldn't tell you." She smiles weakly, reaching a hand up to move a stray strand of his hair out of his eyes, "It meant nothing, really. It was just... a moment of weakness. I got too caught up in who I wanted him to be, instead of who he really is. I want you, for who you really are."

Aegon smiles sadly, "If you saw me for who I really am, you would run for the hills."

"Maybe I'll surprise you."

"All you do is surprise me." Aegon laughs, nosing at her hand as it fiddles with his shoulder-length hair, "Wherever you were yesterday doesn't matter to me. I'm just glad you're here now, with me. I really do love you, Em. So much."

"I love you, too." Mila reaches a hand up and cups his cheek, his face leaning in to hers, "Otto is still going to come for you."

Aegon is silent, his head lifting so he can look over at the ocean through the window panes. The sun has begun to set, casting the bedroom in a hue of blush pink and burnt orange. A far away look forms in Aegon's blue eyes, a small crinkle appearing between his pale brows as he thinks.

"What's going on in that head of yours?" Mila asks, prodding his temple playfully.

Aegon sighs, looking at her, "Suicide pact?"

"Aegon."

"So that's a firm 'no' on the suicide pact?"

"I need you to take this seriously." Mila says, taking his chin in between her thumb and forefinger.

"I am." Aegon says as smiles, taking her hands in his, "I'm taking this seriously."

"This?" Mila laughs, confused.

"This. You and me. This. Us." Aegon smiles, rubbing his thumb over the back of her hand.

"Us?"

"Us."

The next morning, as the sun rose over Old Town, Mila woke up encased in the warm arms of Aegon Targaryen.

She slept like the dead, immediately falling into the land of dreams after Aegon had helped her get out of her dress. He grimaced at it, throwing it in the bin, waving away Mila's complaints.

"You look better in the crappy clothes we got from big Tesco anyway." He grins, tossing her an oversized shirt with the words 'Straight Outta Old Town' written on the back. She rolled her eyes with a smile of her own as she put it on, laughing at Aegon's ogling as he removed his own clothes and threw on some joggers.

The second her head hit the pillow, and Aegon wrapped around her from behind, Mila was out like a light.

When the sun rose, she never wanted to leave this room again.

Aegon murmurs sleepily behind her, offering a quiet 'good morning' when he realises she is awake. Mila hums back, turning around in his arms. He gives her a dopey grin, eyes barely open. She returns his smile, reaching her hand up to trace along his face from his eyebrow, down his nose, and across his jaw. When Mila's fingers dance across the skin of his lips, Aegon purses his lips to kiss her finger tips.

She leans in for a kiss first, and he meets her halfway. Their lips meet in a loving dance, noses brushing and hands grasping onto whatever was in reach.

In an instant, Aegon rolls on top of her, kissing her feverishly as he covers Mila's body with his own. Her thighs open for him to lie in between them, flushes skin pressing against one another.

"Is this okay?" Aegon asks softly, desperate to feel more of her but unwilling to go beyond her boundaries.

"More than okay." Mila affirms, leaning up to kiss him again. He groans against her lips, his hands continuing their exploration as his hips buck against her one.

The hot tip of him presses against her wetness, and they gasp into each other's mouths. Aegon shifts forward, slowly fucking into her as she mewls against him, throwing her head back at his familiar, euphoric size.

"That's it, baby." Aegon murmurs, pressing his face into her neck as he begins thrusting into her sensually, dragging his hips back and forward in slow, loving strokes, "Fuck... feels so good."

"Aegon..." Mila moans out, running her hands over his hair and kissing his temple, "I love you."

"I love you too... so much..." His words trail off as his speed increases, fucking her in earnest. The sound of Mila's breathy whines and Aegon's grunts fill the room, mixed with the sounds of skin meeting skin.

Mila's orgasm creeps up on her, making her body jolt as a loud moan leaves her parted lips. Feeling her tighten around him, Aegon speeds up, breathing out curses and praises.

"You feel so good, baby, fuck!" He grits out around clenched teeth, grabbing the back of her knees to press her thighs to her chest, opening her wider. Mila gasps as he fucks her harder, hips pistoning into her with passion yet great care. Her peak subsides, and her body trembles with overstimulation.

"Aegon, fuck... 's too much..." Her eyes roll back, her hands weakly gripping onto the sheets below her and the pale, soft skin of Aegon's thigh.

"Doing so well for me, doll. Making me feel so fucking good. I can feel you getting tighter, wanna feel you cum again. You can give me another, right baby?"

"M-hm!" Mila bites her lip, words leaving her as Aegon angles his

"Right there? That feel good? Fuck, look at you." He praises, his eyes trained on her writhing body below him, "Come on, baby, need to feel you cum again. Please, baby."

"Aegon, fuck!" Mila shrieks, shaking uncontrollably as her legs tighten, her cunt gushing around him as he pushes her over the edge again.

The feeling sends Aegon over the edge, his pace faltering until he shudders and thrusts into her as far as he can go, painting her walls with his spend. Eyes rolled back, Aegon mumbles praises and promises and recites Mila's name like a prayer as his cock throbs, releasing all he has into her soft heat.

The Stark below him feels boneless and content, her knees still pressed to her chest and her cunt still full of Aegon's softening cock, her walls trying to push him out as she moans softly in overstimulation.

When he finally pulls out, both of their releases leak out of her, making Aegon groan at the sight, "Fucking beautiful."

Mila smiles sleepily, eyes blurry. She winces when she stretches her legs out, her hips and thighs burning.

"I'll be right back, Em." Aegon says softly, kissing her knee before rising off of the bed.

As hus weight disappears, Mila whines as she waves her hand to try to stop him. His tired chuckle makes her heart flutter, and after a minute he returns. A cold rag presses against her inner thighs, cleaning the mess they had made. Aegon's hands are gentle as he soothes her aching muscles, pressing kisses against her flushed skin.

"Sit up, baby." Aegon softly orders, and Mila rises slowly onto her elbows. The cold feeling glass presses against her lips, and she swallows down the offered water.

Satisfied that she's clean and hydrated, Aegon kisses her forehead before getting up again, putting the empty glass and soiled rag in the adjoining bathroom.

"I'm going to have one hell of a time trying to walk later." Mila smiles, dazed. Her eyes follow Aegon as he enters the room again.

"Oh, so you think you're leaving this room?" Aegon asks with a mischievous grin, diving back into the bed atop a laughing Mila.

The next day, Aegon drags her along an unfamiliar street. It's old, all ancient cobblestone walkways and winding alleys covered in ivy.

"Woah, Aeg, chill." Mila finds herself laughing, gripping onto Aegon's hand as he pulls her along like an overexcited puppy.

"Come on, we're almost there!" Aegon says, a beaming smile across his face.

Mila had never been to Honeyholt before. She had woken up this morning to Aegon laying on top of her, his chin against her sternum as he watched her sleep.

"Creep." Mila murmurs, a smile on her lips. Aegon huffs, rolling his eyes with his own cheeky grin as he presses a kiss to her collarbone and stands up.

"Come on, lazy, we've got things to do."

"Lazy? You're the one who twisted me up like a pretzel from dawn to dusk yesterday, no wonder I'm tired." Mila laughs, exasperated as she fluffs up her pillow and gets cozy again, "Also, what things? I don't know if I have the energy to do that last thing we did again."

"As much fun as that was, no. We have more fun things to do." He says as he pulls on his jeans, searching the room for a clean shirt.

"What's more fun than a sixty-nine bridge?"

"If you want the answer to that age old question, you should get your perky ass out of bed." Aegon wiggles his eyebrows as he tosses her a shirt.

Honeyholt was beautiful. Cultural, historic, full of tiny shops and homes. They pass smiling faces around every corner, including a flock of old ladies who chuckle as Aegon drags Mila down the street towards the unknown location.

Out of breath from running and laughing, Mila is grateful for when Aegon halts with an enthusiastic, 'Ah!'

She tosses her windswept curls over her shoulder as she watches Aegon walk into an old shop, dusty and seemingly disused. When he realises she is not following him, he pops his head out the doorway.

"Come on, then!" He calls, beckoning her forwards.

Mila laughs as she follows him in, her jaw dropping when she gets a good look at the place.

It had long been abandoned, cobwebs and dust covering most surfaces and furniture. But underneath the years of misuse, was a work of art. Antique chairs and tables dotted around, dark wooden floors covered in floral rugs. The wallpaper was peeling, and some mould had begun to grow, but the dark coloured spirals of the painted paper remained vivid. Along the back wall were ancient bookcases, and dirty chandeliers were hung from the ceiling.

Aegon bounces around the room, picking up fallen chairs in his wake before he leans against a fireplace across the room, looking at her for her reaction.

"What is this place?" Mila asks in awe, eyes wide with wonder as she walks around the small yet beautiful shop.

"It's just some old litt place. It was like a cafe or something until the lady who runs it, you know, bit the dust."

Mila rolls her eyes at his candidness, running her fingers along the dusty bookshelves that lined the far wall, "It's beautiful here."

"And cheap, too." Aegon comments, walking over to her to wrap his arms around her waist from behind, "The old owners son wants to get rid of it so the price is beyond reasonable."

"You're thinking of running a cafe? Aw, will you wear a frilly little apron while you're at it? You'll look so cute." Mila jokes, turning around in his embrace to kiss along his jaw.

Aegon rolls his eyes, but his smile never falters, "It doesn't have to be a cafe, dumbass. It could be anything we want once we buy it."

Mila stops, looking up at him with wide eyes, "Once we what?"

"Buy it." He says, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "I'm thinking bookshop in the front, tattoo parlour in the back. Our own little haven."

"That's absolutely crazy." Mila laughs, wrapping her arms around his neck, "You're crazy."

"You love it." Aegon smiles as he leans in to kiss her.

"I love you, you crazy Targaryen."

They stayed like that for a while, standing in the cramped and dirtied room of a shop that promised a future for them both.

They had stopped off to get petrol on the way back from Honeyholt, when Aegon's phone began to ring.

Mila was paying inside the station, chatting idly to the woman behind the counter. Leaning against the car, Aegon watches her with a small smile, studying the movement of her lips as she spoke, and they way her eyes lit up when she laughed.

His phone ringing caught him off guard. Looking around, he noticed it lying in the back seat where he had flung it over his shoulder on the way here the night of Viserys' funeral. Helaena had given it back to him, chastising him ever so gently for leaving Weirwood without any of his belongings.

Grabbing it, he looks down at the caller ID, a groan escaping him as he rolls his eyes at the name.

"Piss off." He sighs into the phone.

"Hello to you to." Aemond scoffs, voice already sounding annoyed, "Is she there?"

"Who?"

"Hilarious. My fucking girlfriend."

"Which girlfriend? The hot one, or the dinosaur? Oh, wait, the hot one abandoned you after pity fucking you and came back to me."

"...So she is there."

"...No."

"Aegon." Aemond sighs, his rings knocking together as he seemingly runs a hand over his face, "Stop being childish for five minutes, and listen to me."

The older brother laughs, "Listen to you? What could you possibly say to me right now that won't make me hurl this phone into the sea?"

"What did you buy?"

"Should have bought condoms the way this is going." Aegon chuckles, eyes flicking to Mila once again.

"No, Aegon." Aemond's voice takes a dangerous tone, "What did you buy? On your way back to Old Town."

Aegon's blood runs cold, ice water in his veins. He swallows, turning around, as if looking in Mila's direction suddenly hurt to do, "How the fuck did you know?"

"You forget that I've known you all my life, and how you operate as a scumbag junkie for almost two decades." Aemond laughs cruelly, the sound prickling Aegon's eardrums like needles.

"I haven't done anything." He emphasises, "I wasn't going to-"

"Yes you were. If Mila hadn't turned up when she did you would already be stoned beyond human capabilities, possibly even dead. Now, wouldn't that be a shame."

"What the fuck do you want, Aemond?!"

"For you to end things with her."

"Then you are out of your goddamn mind." Aegon bites, knuckles going white around the phone as he grips onto it, "I won't. You can't make me."

"I'm not going to make you, Aegon." His brother chuckles humorlessly, "You've proved time and time again that you won't listen to a single thing we ask of you, even when we try to help you. But it's not you I want to help, not now."

"What the fuck do you mean by that?"

"I mean, Mila should not be around a bad influence like you, Aegon. She's a recovering addict. She's unstable, and delicate right now. And she's going to relapse if she's around you."

"She won't-"

"But she will. Because you will." Aemond explains, simply as if he were educating a child, "You've been down this road far too many times, brother. You will go back to your vices the second things get too hard. Mila stopped you from getting high this time, but at some point, the thrill of being with her will wear off for you. As it always does."

"She's different."

"Oh they were all different to you!" Yells Aemond, startling Aegon into docile silence, "It's all different until it's mundane. Until you get used to those feelings she inspires within you. Then you'll go back to drinking, or to snorting, or injecting, until it's fucking. It'll be all of those and she won't be able to handle it, Aegon. She will relapse."

Aegon flinches, his hands twitching as he takes a shuddered breath, feeling his heart crack at the thought, "I wouldn't do that to her."

"You wouldn't try to, Aegon." Aemond says, his voice softer now, "But you can't protect her from yourself."

It's silent. Aegon swallows this information like a bitter pill. It leaves an aftertaste like bile in his dry mouth, his heart beating like the hooves of a racehorse and his stomach twisting into knots.

Because he's right, a voice whispers inside his head. You are beyond saving. No matter how many times you try, you always go back to your wicked ways. Can you live with yourself? When you poison her, like a spec of black dye in a basin full of crystal clear water? You will ruin her, because that is what you always do.

It is almost like Aegon can hear Aemond reeling back for the final punch, his brother's voice like a siren's when he states...

"Mila deserves better than you."

A blow to the gut, because it is true. Aegon knew it from the second he met her, from the second he saw her smile and heard her laugh. She was good and she was kind and Aegon will kill her.

"Rot in all of the seven hells, brother." Aegon bites out, ending the call. He takes a shaky breath, blinking away tears he hadn't realised had formed. He throws his phone as far as he can, watching it flicker with light reflected by the sun before it disappears into the long grass.

Turning in place, he watches as Mila waves goodbye to the shop clerk, smiling to herself as she walks out the station and heads his way.

If only he felt the contentment she feels. But all he feels is sick.

Mila knew something was wrong the second they got in the car. Aegon wouldn't respond to anything she said, except a few hums and one-worded answers. His smile had vanished, the light in his eyes dimmed.

It broke her heart, because she had no idea what could have caused it.

When they finally got to the beach house, Aegon disappeared inside, walking on autopilot like a ghost. Mila watched him with wary eyes, biting the skin around her gnarled thumb nail.

Inside, he was nowhere to be seen. The taunting ticking of the grandfather clock was the only noise that greeted her, and she glared at it as she walked past, heading towards the bedroom.

Aegon was standing beside the bed, looking down at the rumpled sheets with a frown.

"Aeg?" Mila says softly, standing in the doorway. The room felt cold, the beginnings of winter making the overall temperature drop, but an icy chill surrounded Aegon.

"You need to go." He says, voice quiet.

Mila freezes, staring at him with furrowed brows, "Huh?"

He sighs, rubbing his hands over his face, groaning against his palms.

"I need you to go. You can't be here anymore." With a shrug, he finally looks at her, face emotionless and eyes stony.

Standing before her, was the Aegon she never met. Something in him had changed, switched gears inside his head. His entire aura became somber, uninspired... broken.

Looking into his dulled eyes, Mila took a step forwards. But he took a step back, working his jaw as he flexed and unflexed his hands beside him.

"Aegon... I don't understand what you're saying." Mila pleads, hoping to the old gods and the new that he's not saying what he .

"We can't be together." He shrugs, "Aemond was right. I'm going to fall back into old patterns, and when that happens, it's going to fuck you up. Worse than Aemond did. I'm not good for you."

"It was Aemond on the phone wasn't it?" Mila chokes on a bitter laugh, looking up to the ceiling as she runs her hands through her hair, "I saw you talking on the phone. Aegon, baby, please, let's just talk this through."

"You're wasted on me." He mutters to himself, "You should get out while you still can, before I make you worse."

"All you've done is make me better, Aeg." Mila insists as she takes another step closer to him.

Hearing her insistence, Aegon stares off into the distance, his face hardening while his eyes remain shining with unshed tears.

"Quick question." Aegon says, his voice turning cruelly playful, "Did Aemond tell you to come here when he was balls deep inside you or was it kind of like a pillow talk conversation afterwards?"

Shocked by his impersonal voice and crude statement, Mila is take aback, a shiver running down her spine, "Aegon-"

"No, no, don't answer that." Aegon waves his hands, "I'm sure it doesn't matter."

"It's different with you. All of it is different. What I have with you is so much realer than what I ever had with him."

Aegon scoffs.

"Aegon, I want this. I want us. We can do this."

"We can't." Aegon chuckles, "Because Aemond was right. At the end of the day, you're going to go back to him and I'm going to go back to all of the other shit."

"No, you're not, Aegon. You're not-"

"Will you stick by me?" Aegon asks, his voice taking a taunting tone, "When I come home drunk or high or smelling like some other pussy would you just sit back and forgive me?"

"You're not going to do that, you're doing so much better, you wouldn't-"

"No? I wouldn't? What's this then?" Aegon stomps over to the bedside table, opening the drawer hard enough to send it clattering to the floor. Various items scatter against the faded carpet, but one item in particular makes Mila's heart stop.

A ziplock bag full of various coloured pills and powder filled baggies, "You didn't...."

"Oh yes I did, baby. Stopped round an old buddies house the night after the funeral. Got all the best flavours here; LSD, ket, some molly too, I know you love that... ooh, and some crystal, didn't even realise that was in there-!"

"Stop it." Mila says, trying to keep her voice level though it shakes.

"Ah, come on, baby. Let's have a little fun, eh?" He taunts, shaking the bag in her face, "We both know I will, so are you just going to sit pretty and watch me?"

"Why are you being like this?" Mila yells, frustration building as she watches the man she's loved turn into the nightmarish, fictitious man Aemond warned her about.

"So boring." Aegon groans dramatically, flinging the bag away across the room, "I'll go back to one of my addictions, doll, so pick one. Maybe you would prefer it if I did what my brother did, hm? What if I found myself my own Alys Rivers? Some hot, older lady that I can stick my dick into every time I get sick of you. Maybe I was too quick to judge my dear brother. If I had you on my ass every second of every day I'm sure I would also be dying for some other cunt-"

Aegon is silenced as his head whips to the side, Mila's palm stings as it lingers in the air.

She slapped him. She can't believe it for a second, too shocked

Mila stumbles back, cradling her hand to her chest as sobs wrack her body.

He watches her, cheek slightly red from where her hand struck him, his eyes glassy with unshed tears.

"You're right, Aegon." Mila sobs, "We can't be together."

Though she fully intended to drive away, Mila sat in Laena's car, suddenly struck with an uncertainty of where she would go.

Her apartment in Kings Landing was stained with memories of Aemond, every item of furniture lines with scars where he once sat, stood, lay. Mila used to think fondly about how his cologne could be smelt in the air, on her blankets and on her couch cushions, but now the thought of smelling his scent turned her stomach.

It no longer felt like the comforting aroma of the man she loved, but the scent of a man who claimed her, used her, broke her.

She could go to Cregan's. Or Baela's, or back to Dragonstone where Rhaenyra would always wait with open arms.

But the beauty of Old Town boiled down to its distance. The distance from King's Landing and all the sordid experiences Mila had there that haunted her past. The parties, the clubs, the bars. The drinks, the drugs, the men, the women, the people whose genders mattered not to her in the moments where their lips touched. All the nights spent drifting from reality with magic in her veins, the mornings crashing back down to the real world in fits of sweating and throwing up the contents of her stomach.

The year where she made new memories no longer wrapped in a drunken haze, were ones she made by Aemond Targaryen's side.

Mila could not go back to King's Landing, because the ghosts will be waiting for her.

But she could go to another haunted place.

Pulling out the pay-as-you-go phone, she dialed Baela's number. The sound of her best friend's soft voice greeting her made her feverish skin cool a bit, "Hi, gorgeous. Are you okay? Mom told me you borrowed her car and left the city."

"Yeah, I needed to get away, needed to talk to Aegon." Mila says, her voice thick with her tears.

She can hear Baela sit up straight in her chair, her voice taking a concerned lilt, "Mila? What's wrong? Talk to me."

"It doesn't matter." Sighs the Stark girl, "I'm going home."

"Okay, babe. Do you want me to set up my sofa so you can sleep on it?"

"No, Bae. I'm going home."

It's silent on the other end for a moment, seagulls caw in the near distance, and another tea tracks a warm trail down Mila's face.

"Holy shit... really?" Baela asks in a soft voice.

"Yeah." Mila sniffs, wiping her nose on her sleeve. The sun looms behind the beach house, casting the patio and driveway in shadows. Within the darkened windows, the shadow of Aegon watches from behind the sheer curtains.

"I'm going back to Winterfell."

AN// nOW LISTEN PUT THE GUN DOWN I CAN EXPLAIN. Don't hurt me for making Emiliaegon fight :( we are all children of divorce. TRUST things will get better. The sadder the angst, the sweeter the subsequent fluff <3

Lula x

[woniefull]

I can’t be your love

you’re in love with jay

but does he feel the same?

you can’t quite figure that out

warnings/heads up: female character, beginning is a bit slow?? little angsty🎀, fluff, minimal curse words, small kisses here and there…I lowkey suck at building up chemistry/romance so please give tips thank you😞😞😞🙏🙏🙏

wc: idek but hella long that’s for sure

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

There he was.

You always lingered in the halls in hopes of getting even just a glimpse of him. His soft dark brown hair. Eyebrows that somehow looked better than yours. His cheesy little smile that seemed to never falter.

Park Jongseong. Or Jay for short. He was a junior, just like you. But he had this level of maturity that many boys around his age couldn’t reach even if they tried.

He was a gentleman. That’s what you liked about him. He was kind to everyone.

No wonder he had so many admirers.

“You’re going to get caught one day you know?”

You quickly turn around and meet the eyes of your best friend, Liz.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

You’re pretty sure your face has turned completely red judging from the way Liz is giggling at you.

“You’re so obvious. I don’t know why you haven’t tried to strike up a conversation with him, you clearly like him.”

Liz has stopped giggling now and peaks behind your shoulder to get a glimpse of your little crush.

“Judging by the way things are looking right now I’d say you need to act fast.”

You quickly turn around to see what she was talking about.

The once lonely Jay now had a girl by his side. They were laughing about something. He was wearing that cheesy smile you loved. There was a burning feeling at the pit of your stomach.

“Oh.”

“Oh? Yeah I think you need a break, let’s go.”

Liz took you by the hand and walked you to your next class.

———————————Time Skip———————————

It was cooking class now. Usually you would be beaming knowing you shared this class with Jay, but the moment you witnessed earlier had given you a twisted feeling.

“Okay class today is the start of a new semester. Which means new cooking partners. I would like you guys to partner up with someone you don’t usually talk to, trust me I know who you guys talk to.”

Maybe I should try to partner up with Jay. It wouldn’t hurt to try right? They might be just friends too, I’m looking much too into it.

You quickly scan the room in hopes of spotting him. You do. But someone had beat you to it. It was that girl again. As you were about to turn and look for another partner the teacher speaks.

“Emma please find another partner. I know the two of you are friends”

The girl, or Emma as you’ve just found out, turns around to face the teacher with a pout.

“But Ms. Smith”

“No buts ma’am”

“Jay tell her something!”

You turn to Jay who now has an…embarrassed expression?

“Emma you’ll be fine. It’s not like the world will end if we’re not partners. We can still talk to each other outside of class.”

Emma huffs and turns to find another partner.

“If you say so. See you after class then.”

You see Jay begin to look around to see if anyone witnessed the humiliating incident. Before you can turn to look away he catches you staring at him.

You immediately turn away and pretend to read the cooking book placed on the table in front of you.

Hopefully he didn’t notice me staring.

You hear footsteps behind you and unconsciously squeeze the book tightly.

“Woah there, are you trying to rip the book into shreds?”

You look up. There he was. You’ve never been this close to him. His eyes are enchanting. You’re speechless.

“Are you okay?”

That snapped you out of your day dream real quick.

“Hi yes sorry.”

He chuckled at you while reaching for the book. Your hands gently brushed his as he took it away from you.

“The names Jay by the way and I’ll be taking this from you now, wouldn’t want you to have to pay anything for damaging school property.”

You laughed awkwardly and turned your entire body to face his.

“So y/n would you like to be partners?”

He knew my name? I don’t recall having any sort of conversation with him ever.

You studied his face a little closer. Were his eyes a little wider now and were his ears a little red? It must be your imagination.

“Oh uh, sure!”

“That’s great. I’ll go get our aprons.”

He walked away to the back of the classroom. You were a nervous wreck to the way the least. You had dreamed of a moment just like this, but you never thought it would happen.

I should take advantage of an opportunity like this.

Jay returned quickly and handed you your apron.

“Do you mind helping me tie it from the back and I’ll help you tie yours?”

Lifting your head up you saw Jay looking at you.

“Yeah, no problem.”

He turned and you caught sight of the freckles along his neck.

Cute.

You finished tying up his apron and turned to face the opposite direction.

“Okay I’m tying it now.”

His hands traced gently along your waist as he reached for both strings. You shivered unwillingly.

“I’m sorry did I do something wrong?”

“No you did nothing wrong it’s just…”

How could you explain to him that everything he did gave you butterflies?

“Never mind you keep on going it’s fine.”

“Okay just please let me know if I’m making you uncomfortable.”

He was such a sweetheart.

Jay quickly finished tying the apron up and you both sat.

“I hope this isn’t too awkward for you.” Jay says while his head rests on his hand that’s propped up against the table.

“Why would it be awkward?”

Your words came out a little harsher than you meant.

“Well I saw that you witnessed that little incident earlier. I don’t want you thinking that you were a second option or anything.”

“But I was, wasn’t I? You only paired up with me because Emma couldn’t.”

“Wow you’re very straightforward aren’t you? And about Emma, she wanted to be partners with me not the other way around.”

Jay has this concerned look on his face. As if he wants you to understand him. To understand what he was saying.

“Well that doesn’t really matter to me so you’re good.”

“Uh that’s great then.”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah…”

You have no idea why you acted the way you did just now but you regretted it. It was easy to tell that Jay was a bit hurt by your words. You were about to say something, but Jay beats you to it.

“Let’s make some apple pie then? The teacher said we could choose whatever pie we wanted to make.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

It was towards the end of class now and there was flour, sugar, apples, and so much more everywhere on the table. Not only the table, but your face too.

Jay and you had gotten past the tension from earlier and were now laughing and playing around.

“Oh you got something right…”

Jay reaches just under your lip and wipes some of the flour off.

“here.”

You blush and start cleaning up your area hoping that he didn’t notice. How was it so easy for him to do something like that?

As you both finished up cleaning the space around you a voice comes up behind you.

“Jay are you ready to go?”

It was Emma. You had to admit she was gorgeous. It was likely her and Jay were together, hopefully not.

“Oh uh…I’ll meet you guys later I need to talk to my cooking partner about something first.”

Emma took a quick glance at you and then back at Jay.

“Yeah sure…see you.”

She walked away and you looked at Jay with a questioning face wondering what he could possibly want to talk about. But first you had to ask the question that was nagging you.

“Girlfriend?”

“What?”

“I mean Emma.”

You internally slapped yourself. It was such a stupid question, of course they were dating.

“Emma? No never! I mean she’s pretty cool and all but we’re just close friends that’s all .”

“But she’s really pretty, you guys suit each other.”

“You’re right she is pretty.”

You should’ve kept your mouth shut.

“But-”

You cut him off before he can continue, not wanting to hear anything more about Emma and what he thinks of her.

“So what is that you wanted to talk about?”

“Oh yeah that. I heard you’re pretty good at English and I could really use your help. I was wondering if you could tutor me?”

So that’s how he knew your name. Was his plan to befriend you so that you wouldn’t say no to tutoring him? You won’t lie it hurt a little bit. But how could you say no to the man you were so hopelessly and devastatingly in love with?

“Um…sure no worries. What time works for you? I’m free every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday after school.”

“You’re an angel sent from heaven thank you so much!”

Your heart just skipped a beat.

“Those times work for me. See you next week then?”

“Yeah see you next week.”

Jay winks at you and walks out.

Oh gosh this was a mistake.

———————————Time Skip———————————

“HELLO? Oh my gosh this is so crazy y/n what!”

Of course you had told Liz everything.

“I know but I’m still super worried Liz.”

Instead of what should have been a smile plastered on your face, was a frown.

“I just can’t help but feel that he wanted to get close to me just so he could easily get me as a tutor. And what’s worse? It worked.”

“Based on what you told me I’m pretty sure he really wants to be friends. You got to watch out for that Emma girl though.”

“I know but I don’t think we would grow into anything beyond that. Plus he said she was pretty.”

“And you’re breathtaking so what does that matter. Impress him! Captivate him. Lock him up if you have to.”

You start laughing at your friend. Liz always knew how to make you feel better.

“We’ll see.”

———���———————Time Skip———————————

Knowing that today was the first day of tutoring with Jay, you decided to dress up nicely. A cute pink bow, jean skirt, and a white cashmere sweater. Simple.

Jay was already sitting in the study room you had reserved when you walked in.

His eyes flickered up and he took your appearance in.

“Never saw you as the type to wear skirts.”

How would he know what I wear? I thought he only knew of me just a couple days ago.

“I never knew you were the type to know what I wear on a daily basis.”

You were joking of course, trying to act casually around Jay in order to get closer to him.

But he seemed flustered.

“Well um…glad you could make it. Thanks again for doing this for me I really appreciate it.”

“Yeah no problem it’s not too much of a hassle for me, this is perfect for my extracurriculars list anyways.”

Jay quickly sits up right.

“Oh yeah I heard you have big plans for college. I’m really smart too you know? It’s just English is my only weakness. And also-”

You laugh at him as he tries to quickly string his words together. You already knew how smart he was, of course you did.

“Jay you don’t need to tell me any of this you know that right? I’m not judging you or anything. Unless you see me as some sort of competition or something?”

Jay smiles.

“No yeah I guess I just had the urge to I don’t know…impress you?”

“Why would you need to impress me?”

“I don’t know.”

You both stare at each other.

“Well you’ve left a pretty good impression on me so far, so don’t worry too much okay?”

Wow you’ve gotten bold out of no where.

He chuckles.

“I’m happy to hear that.”

“Okay then let’s get started.”

You turn to the books you placed on the table and open one up.

“So let’s start with the basics. What have you been struggling on?”

Jay leans his body closer to you making you once again, shiver. His effect on you drove you crazy.

“Sorry am I too close?”

There was no way you’d give him even a hint of your liking towards him.

“No you’re fine. I guess it was a bad day to wear a skirt, it’s a bit chilly in here.”

You tried to laugh the situation off.

“Here take this.”

Your heart skipped a couple beats as he draped his jacket over your legs. You could feel your cheeks flushing red.

“Oh uh thank you!”

“No problem.”

His smile oh lorddddddd.

“Well let’s continue.”

End of tutoring session

“Thanks so much y/n I feel like I’m improving already.”

“Don’t flatter me too much.”

The both of you laugh.

You reach for his jacket but he stops you and instead grabs the jacket to place it over your shoulders.

“You should take it, it’s pretty windy out there and I heard it’s supposed to rain soon.”

This man. He was going to be the death of you.

“But then you won’t have anything to wear! I’ll be fine don’t worry it’s not that far of a walk to the bus stop anyway.”

He starts to collect his things.

“I live nearby so I’ll be okay. But you should hurry to the bus stop before it starts pouring. Wouldn’t want you to get sick.”

He’s so caring it hurts. Was he like this towards others? Other girls? Emma?

“Okay see you tomorrow for cooking class then?”

“See you.”

———————————Time Skip———————————

You walk into school, earlier than usual. In your hand was Jay’s jacket, you were eager to find him and give it to him. Or maybe eager just to talk to him. This new formed friendship was now something you cherished deeply.

As you walked through the hallways and turned on a sharp corner you accidentally bump into someone. Their phone goes flying in the air.

Emma.

Just your luck.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t see you there!”

You’re first to apologize, it was the polite thing to do since it was your fault.

“No worries, I should’ve watched where I was going too but I was busy looking at my phone.”

The phone was still laying on the floor, screen side up, so you reached down for it.

It wasn’t your intention to snoop but the name on the screen caught your attention.

She was texting Jay.

You only got to read the name before quickly handing it back to her.

There was a moment of awkward silence as you both just stood there.

Emma took notice of the jacket you had in your arms.

“Is that Jay’s jacket?”

Trying to maintain eye contact with her, you speak.

“Yeah, he let me borrow it yesterday and I was hoping to return it.”

“How sweet! He’s always lending out his sweaters, it’s a habit of his. Whenever I leave my sweaters at home he always gives his up.”

Oh.

It was pretty stupid to think you were any more special than Emma, he knew her longer and she knew him longer too. They had a stronger bond than the two day old one you both had.

Emma took your silence as a sign to speak again.

“I can give it back to him if you’d like? I have first period with him.”

You look up at her and she has this beautiful smile. She’s similar to Jay in many ways. They’d look lovely together.

“Would you do that for me? Thanks.”

Your voice trembled a bit as you handed the jacket over to her.

Don’t cry. This isn’t something to cry over. You’re not even close with him.

“Well see you around…what was your name?”

“Y/n.”

“My names Emma! See you around y/n!”

At the moment it didn’t irk you that Jay could possibly have feelings for Emma. What irked you is that you couldn’t hate nor dislike her. She was kind and genuine towards you. There were no ill intentions behind her words.

Sighing, you turned around to head towards your locker.

“Good morning darling how was tutoring yesterday?”

At least there was Liz. She was always there for you.

“It was okay.”

“Oh wow. Okay. What’s got you in a twist? I thought you would be bursting with happiness after having some alone time with your crush.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Hmm I know you’re lying but I won’t pry anything out of you now. Tell me when you’re ready.”

“This is why I love you.”

“I know it is. Now come one let’s go, I heard they’re serving waffles in the cafeteria today!”

———————————Time Skip———————————

It was now cooking class. For this first time ever, you were dreading having to face Jay. There was this small ball of anger in you, jealousy. You didn’t know how to handle it.

Maybe I should tell the teacher I don’t feel well.

Before you could act on your thoughts, a familiar voice reaches your ears.

“Hey y/n! How you been?”

Jay starts to settle his things down next to you.

Why is it so difficult to try and have a conversation with him right now?

Probably because you know he just walked in with Emma.

This jealousy thing was really frustrating you.

“We saw each other not even less than 24 hours ago. You’re making it seem like it’s been over a year.”

He shifts his head to look at you.

“Yeah uh just trying to make conversation. You know?”

“Mhm.”

You hoped your attitude didn’t hurt him too much. But you felt hurt too.

“I saw that you gave Emma my jacket.”

“Yeah.”

“Didn’t want to see me huh? Is that why you gave it to her?”

He chuckled. He was joking, but you weren’t in the mood for it.

“No.”

Silence.

“Sorry I’m not feeling well today. I think I might go to the nurses office.”

Before he could get a word out you walk up to the front of the class and explain to the teacher about your “illness”. After being given your teachers approval you make your way to the nurses office.

Mindlessly forgetting your things, just needing an escape.

End of class.

Class is now over and you’re still laying down on one of the beds with the curtains closed.

You slept for the first thirty minutes of your stay but now you can’t stop thinking about Jay.

How there was a hint of sadness in his eyes as you walked away from him. Or was it worry? Hard to tell. You clearly don’t know him at all.

But no matter how hard you tried to stop thinking of him, he always wandered back into your mind.

“Jay…”

A sudden noise erupts from behind the curtains.

“Awe man!”

You stand up quickly.

“Hello?”

You slide the curtain open and to your surprise Jay is on the floor with…strawberry milk?

“Thought I could surprise you but I guess you knew I was here already. How did you know? I thought I was being sneaky…”

That’s good. He doesn’t know you were being a complete lunatic who can’t seem to stop thinking of him.

“Oh trust me, you surprised me alright.”

You can’t help but laugh at the sight in front of you.

Jay looks like an absolute clutz.

“That’s nice.”

You stop laughing and raise an eyebrow.

“What is?”

“Seeing you happy.”

You blush.

“Sorry about earlier. I was being a bitch.”

“No you weren’t. Don’t call yourself that.”

He always knew what words would give you butterflies.

“Well I was being a bit rude.”

Your hand reaches out for his, he takes it.

“We all have our bad days.”

He’s up now. But neither of you let go. You don’t want to let go. Does he? He might think you’re weird if you don’t let go of his hand soon.

Swiftly, you retract your hand from his bringing it to your side.

His face now has a tint of pink realizing what just happened.

“I bought you this.”

He sticks out his hand which has the strawberry milk you saw earlier.

“Thanks I love strawberry milk!”

“Yeah Emma told me all girls love anything strawberry.”

Oh.

You try to conceal the jealousy you had forgotten you felt to begin with.

“Emma’s a genius.”

“She is.”

You look down to open up the milk in order to hide the hurt on your face.

“But you are too.”

Huh?

“Thank you?”

Jay stares at you as you struggle to open the carton of milk. He grabs it from you and continues to open it as he speaks.

“I have something important to tell you and I understand if you get weirded out and don’t want to be friends anymore. But it’s just something I need to get off my chest.”

What could it be?

“Go ahead.”

He takes a deep breath and hands the milk back to you. His hand now starts to scratch the back of his neck.

“So I know we’ve only know each other for a couple days but I was hoping to get to know you better.”

“Know me better?”

Was this a dream?

“Yeah, in a romantic way I guess? I don’t know. I don’t really know how to explain it. But I understand if your answer is no. It’s just that I kind of like you and-”

His words are cut short when you hug him.

“I hope this is okay.”

You say, hoping for some reassurance.

“I’m just so happy right now.”

“This is more than okay. It’s great. It’s amazing.”

Jay’s hugging you back now.

The both of you stay like that for a while. Until the nurse finds the two of you and sends you guys to the principle’s office for skipping class in order to date.

Being sent to the principle’s office should have made you upset. But as you walked side by side with Jay, nothing could make you happier.

4 months later

You guessed it. Jay and you had ended up together. Turns out your suspicions of him and Emma were wrong, and they were really just close friends. Also, let’s just say she seemed to take interest into Liz a lot more than she did Jay.

Throughout your so far two month relationship you discovered two important things.

1. Jay absolutely loved smothering you in kisses and hugging you from behind while slithering his hands across your waist. He loved pinching your stomach and hearing your voice telling him to stop.

2. You were a clingy girlfriend. Not in a bad way. You didn’t have to be with him every minute of the day. But you took advantage of any moment you had with him, immediately hugging him the moment your eyes set on him. Goodbyes were always hard, even if you were seeing him the next morning.

Jay didn’t mind though. This was one of the many things he loved about you.

“Graduation is coming up soon.”

Jay and you are at the park right now eating ice cream. Summer is coming up soon so the weather is starting to warm up.

“I know, time flies.”

You respond to him. Happily licking away at your ice cream and enjoying the view of the pond in front of you as the sun sets.

“I can’t believe we’re going to be seniors soon.”

Jay still can’t grasp the idea of this being his last high school year.

“College is soon.”

“I never did ask what you wanted to do after high school.”

“I never asked you either.”

“So?”

“So?”

“Y/n…”

You laugh at him and reach for his hand.

“I hope to be a doctor.”

“That’s awesome. You can do it.”

“You really think so?”

“I know so.”

He squeezes your hand in order to offer some sort of comfort. It works.

“How about you? What do you want to do Jay?”

“I’m boring and simple. I’d like to be a mechanical engineer just like my dad.”

“You’re anything but boring and simple Jay.”

He smiles and leans in to kiss you.

His lips are soft and gentle. You guys have kissed hundreds of times but he always makes it seem like it’s your first.

As he pulls away he brushes some of your hair away from your face. His next words leave you in absolute shock.

“I think I love you.”

Your eyes are wide and your mouth is left agape.

“No, I know that I love you. I understand if it’s too soon and there is no need to give me a response anywhere near the future, but I thought I should let you know.”

“Why?”

“What?”

“Why do you love me?”

Your questions were cliche. You knew that. But you needed to know why. This all felt so surreal. Too good to be true.

“Because you’re you. Because of the way you laugh at my unfunny jokes no matter what. Because of the way you smile even at the smallest things. Because of the way you don’t let anyone disrespect you no matter what. And most of all, because of the way you’re the only one that can make my heart skip a beat, make my ears red, and give me butterflies. My heart beats for you and only for you.”

Woah.

You never knew someone could ever feel like this towards you. You were absolutely star struck. But you had an answer already. You always had it deep within you.

“I love you too Jay.”

He smiled.

“Thank God. I was hoping you would say that.”

With that, you both shared another kiss. This one was longer, deeper, and more passionate. It was as if time had stopped. As if the world had stopped. It was just the two of you.

You wished this moment would last forever.

———————————Time Skip———————————

It’s the beginning of senior year now. Jay and you had a plan. Apply to the same colleges which had both of your majors. Go to school together. Graduate, get married, all of that. Two dumb love birds hopelessly devoted to each other.

You both had similar grades and qualifications so you weren’t too worried about getting in or not getting into the same colleges.

It didn’t matter to you though, you would follow Jay wherever he went. You would strive in any pre med program anyways. It wasn’t a bother, as long as you were with Jay. The love of your life.

“I can’t believe it’s our senior year Jay! This is so exciting!”

“I know love, but let’s start getting ready for those applications okay? You know how quickly time passes by.”

“Ofcourse I do. Want to come over after school? We can come with ideas together for or piqs.”

“That sounds great. See you after class?”

“See you!”

7 months later

It was now time. Colleges were sending out their letters.

You had to admit. This was nerve wrecking. It would be absolutely devastating if you didn’t get in to any of your dream schools. Of course John Hopkins and Stanford being at the top.

But the fear of not going to school with Jay had also crossed your mind a couple of times. It’s not like you would die if you didn’t go to the same school, but you loved growing as a person with him and watching him grow too.

The both of you received acceptance letters from various schools but all of them weren’t any of you two’s top choices. Jay’s top choices were MIT and Stanford. Stanford seemed to be the target at the moment. You had applied to Amherst too, just in case Jay had to go to MIT instead of Stanford. It wasn’t your top choice but it wasn’t a bad one either. Luckily you had gotten in!

“Y/n sweetie your father says the mail man delivered some letters! It two of them seem to be from Stanford and John Hopkins!”

Your mom yells from downstairs.

This is really happening.

You quickly rush down stairs and see the letters there in the middle of the table.

“Deep breaths sweet girl. Just know we’re here supporting you no matter what those letters say. You’re still an amazing and intelligent lady.”

Your dad says as he rubs your shoulders.

You smile nervously and reach for the John Hopkins letter first.

Waitlisted.

“It’s okay honey, that’s still such a great accomplishment.”

Tears are threatening to spill out of your eyes. But you have to look strong. You still have one more letter to look at. The one that matters most to you right now.

You reach out to open it and once you start to read what’s inside of it you can’t help the tears from coming out.

Congratulations y/n we are happy to admit you to the Class of 2028!

“Mom! Dad! I’m in! I’m actually in!”

Your parents hug you and take you out to eat in order to celebrate.

Hours later.

As you head to your room after dinner you text Jay.

You: Jay can we call really quick?

Jay: Well hello to you too princess.

You: Haha very funny. Now please can we call?

Jay: Anything for my girl😋

“Hello?”

“Hi princess.”

“How much longer until you stop calling me that?”

“Never.”

“Okay whatever.”

“You got in didn’t you?”

“What? How did you know? Did my parents tell you? I wanted to surprise you!”

“I know you too well, that’s how I knew. Congratulations y/n. You have absolutely no idea how incredibly proud of you I am.”

“Thanks Jay! How about you? Did you get your letter yet? You got in didn’t you?”

Jay clears his throat and for a moment you start to get worried.

“Jay…?”

“Of course I got in princess.”

“Oh my gosh this is amazing. I can’t believe I’m going to college with my boyfriend!”

“Okay y/n it’s been a long day so you should probably head to sleep now sleeping beauty.”

“You can be an annoying shithead sometimes you know that right?”

“I’m your annoying shithead.”

You laugh.

“You’re right. Love you lots Jay. Goodnight.”

“Love you more princess. Goodnight.”

———————————Time Skip———————————

“Hi Liz how’s Boston?”

Yup! Liz got into Boston University! It’s towards the end of summer now and she’s meeting some of her dormates before she officially moves in at the start of the semester.

“It’s great over here! I’m living for this weather. I wish you were here with me right now, I need my best friend during times like these.”

“You’ll be fine, you can make friends anywhere you go.”

“But it won’t be the same without you.”

“I could say the same thing.”

“So…how are things with you and Jay?”

“Everything is going great. But I have noticed something different about him.”

“Oh yeah? Like what?”

“Well he’s been acting a lot more clingy lately. Way more than I usually am. And I thought I was supposed to be the clingy girl friend!”

“Hm yeah, I wouldn’t look too much into it he’s probably thinking guys will try to snatch you up in college.”

“Never!”

You both start to laugh and quickly say your goodbyes as Liz had to go out for lunch with her new found friends.

Coincidentally it’s student orientation day for you so you call up Jay.

It rings.

And rings.

And rings.

Strange.

Jay’s house is only a ten minute bus ride so you decide to go check up on him.

You arrive at his house and knock on his door.

His mom steps out. She usually has a gleeful smile just like Jay’s, but this time her smile is no where to be seen.

“Hi ma’am how have you been? Is Jay around? I tried to call him but he wouldn’t answer so I just came to check up on him!”

Mrs. Park stares at you with saddened eyes and then hugs you.

“I’m so sorry my sweet girl. I’m so so sorry. Just know he did it for a reason okay? He did it for your own good.”

You’re shocked by this. What does she mean? For your own good?

“Excuse Mrs. Park but I’m a little confused. What do you mean? Where’s Jay?”

Mrs. Park rushes inside and quickly comes back out. This time with a letter.

“Take this and read it at home okay? It’s best if you do it in your room alone.”

And with that she gives you one last hug before shutting the door.

What.

The.

Fuck.

Was that.

You’re going through so many emotions right now. As you take the bus home you have the letter in one hand and your phone in the other. You continue to attempt to call Jay in order to get some sort of answer from him.

You make it home and enter your room. Sitting down on your bed you wast no time in opening the letter. Your eyes settle on the first line.

Dear y/n,

Hi princess I know you must be worried right now. Just know that I am physically okay. At first, I wanted to do this in person but I just couldn’t find the strength to do it. I know I’m a coward. I know this will hurt you just as much as it hurts me. But I’m doing this for you. Because I love you. In no way am I blaming you for anything. I want apologize for what I’m about to say next.

I won’t be going to college with you. We can’t spend the next four years together. I’m so incredibly proud of all your accomplishments. I know it’s been one of your biggest dreams to attend Stanford. Which is why I couldn’t let you come to Massachusetts with me. I know the plan was to be together, but your dreams should always come before me. I don’t want to stop you from reaching your full potential. Long distance relationships are a thing yes. But I feel that with our relationship we will only hold each other back. We will never want to reach out for more, in fear of leaving the other behind. I hope that one day you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I hope that we can find our way back to each other. I will always love you. Every season with you has been a blessing. For now I’ll pray for you all the time.

For now I can’t be your love.

I love you,

Jay

You start to uncontrollably sob.

“Jay you asshole. How would you know anything about my dreams?”

Your throat was itching.

“You were my dream. My dream was to spend my life with you.”

You cried yourself to sleep that night.

Heartbroken.

•••••••••••••••••••JAY’S POV••••••••••••••••••••

I loved her since the day I saw her at the library.

It was sophomore year.

Finals week.

I was looking for some books to prepare for the English final and there she was.

Studying? No.

She was tutoring someone else.

I was amazed. She had to be the smartest at this school. Finals week and here she was helping someone else out.

She was beautiful too. Her dimples and cheeky smile captured me in an instant.

I made it my mission to look for her every time I was at the library.

Luckily she was always there.

I never got too close. Afraid that I would scare her away.

Emma always said I was paranoid and that I should go for it before someone else did.

I never had the courage to, until my junior year.

She was looking at me. Actually looking at me.

She turned away immediately after I caught her but I knew this was my chance to get to know her.

As I walked up to her desk in cooking class I took notice of her hands clutching onto the book in front of her.

Cute.

From there we got closer.

I could never get tired of her.

My hands always found their way to her waist or her face. I loved caressing her and covering her with kisses. It was just my way of showing my love for her.

I loved this girl.

I loved her so much that I was willing to let her go even if it hurt me so very much.

When I got that rejection letter from Stanford I was heartbroken. Not only because it was my dream school but because it was our dream school.

I knew if I told her that I was rejected she would want to go to Amherst. But I couldn’t let that happen. I couldn’t stop her from chasing the thing she had wanted for so long.

So I wrote her a letter. It was the only way I could clearly express myself.

Even though I made the heartbreaking decision of leaving without saying a proper goodbye I don’t regret it.

I don’t think I could ever leave her if I had to face her one last time.

I thought leaving without a goodbye would be the hardest part but the messages and calls she would leave me for the next few weeks absolutely broke me. I had to fight so hard to not respond.

I’m sorry princess.

I can’t be your love because I’m afraid I’ll ruin your life.

5 years later.

I’m home again. I haven’t told anyone. Not even my parents. I want to take everything in.

Not much has changed. Hasn’t been that long since I left anyways.

But I guess I have.

I’ve grown a bit taller, new hair, and looked a lot cleaner than I did back then.

I walk down the streets of San Francisco and pass by a coffee shop.

It’s a coffee shop she and I regularly had dates at.

I walk in. The bell chimes as it opens up and a couple heads turn to see who the newcomer is, and then they all quickly turn back to what ever they were doing before.

I walk up to the cashier ready to order when I hear a familiar name.

“Order for y/n!”

I turn to the voice.

There she is.

It feels like I’m at the library again.

She’s become even more breathtaking.

Is that even possible?

There’s so much going through my head but it’s as if my legs have a mind of their own because before I know it I’m in front of her.

Admiring her face.

I’m the first to speak.

“Hi.”

Her breath hitches before she starts to talk to me.

“Jay…hi.”

I can’t believe this. I mean, I should’ve expected it. She never did leave the area.

“How have you been, time has-”

Before I can finish a voice calls out to her.

“Y/n there you are!”

A man runs up to her and slides his hand into hers while giving her a soft peck on the forehead.

Oh.

[saintdollyparton]

while i’m happy to be getting a lead wlw character, i’m actually devastated that it’s not eloise. I truly cannot fathom why they’d give that storyline to Francesca when they’ve been clearly setting it up for eloise and benedict since season 1… if we somehow get both eloise and franny as queer, i’ll be ecstatic. but I just can’t see them making 3 of them queer. :( i feel like i’m more disappointed with this than not having any of them be gay because it’s like… ugh we were so close! we could’ve had it all!

I've had all the same feelings as you, but after a week to think about it and read all of the statements from the showrunner/cast, I'm more optimistic than anything.

Shondaland is known for having multiple queer storylines over the course of multiple seasons, which is something Bridgerton is set up to have. They've confirmed that each Bridgerton should get their own season.

Jess Brownell, the showrunner, is a queer woman and is very passionate about representation. She's very aware of the fandom's attachment to queer Eloise, and has said that isn't off the table, but also feels like Eloise isn't in that headspace right now. She wants to see more of the world and try and make a difference. Fingers crossed that Eloise's time spent with Michaela and Francesca will open up her eyes to her options.

Luke Thompson has confirmed that Benedict is pansexual, and we are all assuming that Sophie is still going to be his love interest. (I can't see them changing such a popular pairing.)

I'm unsure if they're going for a bisexual storyline with Frannie, or if she's meant to be a lesbian with comphet. In the books, she very much loved John and they had a happy marriage. She appears to genuinely love him in the show, too, but multiple people have pointed out that her reaction to their wedding kiss was... unenthused. She looked disappointed. So whether she's bi or a lesbian, she's sapphic because she will end up with Michaela.

That leaves Eloise, who, at the end of the day, I do believe actually felt something real for Theo. But I also think she connects with people more on an intellectual/emotional level, then starts to develop romantic and sexual feelings for them. In that way, I'd place money on Eloise being like bi demisexual, with probably a preference for women because men who would live up to her standards are hella rare. (A lot of bisexual women feel this way lol.)

All this to say, I don't think it's unrealistic for all three of them to be canon LGBT. Especially when you spread it out over several seasons and there are FIVE other Bridgertons in straight relationships.

I do agree that Frannie was a bit out of left field, but it was a pleasant surprise, to be sure. Holding out hope for Creloise, though.

[daemour]

Pairing: bae jinyoung x tutor! f! yn

Word Count: 1976

Warnings: cursing, mentions of alcohol consumption and drugs, mentions of sex, kissing

Genre: Angst, fluff, f2l au, college au, m for mature

Summary: You're popular, pretty, top of your class. It's no surprise you've ended up tutoring Bae Jinyoung, your opposite in many ways. But your feelings for him grew out of your control and you try to find him at the biggest end of year party

-

this is for the jackson wang party fic collab finished with @mingsolo (hella good), @flurrys-creativity (Pygalgia, Effervescent, and Abience), and @sanjoongie (trouble) ^^ this was supposed to have smut but i couldn't get it out im sorry :') you can just imagine it in ur head pls

and ignore the difference in wc from this and my san one :') i did not have the energy to write another 10k so this ones short and sweet lol

Also the banner was made like 2 username changes ago lol

You can read the San one here (No Hesitation)

-

It’s late…at least for you. Judging from the people milling about with ease, they’re a lot more accustomed to being awake at unholy hours of the night. A couple of them even cast curious glances at you, unused to seeing you at a party. And you can’t blame them either. You’re the college’s well-known “good girl”, volleyball captain and top of your college batch. You’ve been to exactly one party your entire four years here and it was because your roommate, Yeseul, threw it without telling you.

She’s not at this party, too embarrassed to show her face after being dumped by the school playboy, San. You’d feel bad but she kinda deserved it after bragging to everyone how she bagged him. And if she went with you, she’d make it such a huge deal when you want to lay low. You came to this party for one reason after all…to find Bae Jinyoung.

Once again, something you never thought you’d be doing. Jinyoung is the complete opposite of you in every way. Always partying, and getting high, his list of cons goes on and on. But when you were paired up with him to tutor in a last-ditch effort to not get expelled, you didn’t expect to grow so close to him. And maybe you’ve grown to have a soft spot for him.

He had to retake his final exam due to a stomach bug (he was hungover, but you decided not to let his professor know that fact) and you were told his test results early. He had passed after months of hard work, and you were too excited to keep it from him. 

You called him first, and he picked up, but he was clearly drunk, living it up at what you heard was the last party of the year. And against your better judgement, you decided to go tell him the good news in person, perhaps after getting him a little more sober. And you’re maybe a little stupid, hoping he would come sweep you off your feet and kiss you senseless, but a girl can dream. Maybe when you tell him the good news, he’ll lift you and swing you around just like in all your romance books and fall in love.

You’re once again reminded of just how out of place you are as you weave through the crowd. As you look around, you can’t help but be amused at how you must look so lost. You’re not looking where you’re going properly and you bump into a broad chest.

When you look up, you’re met with the furrowed brows of the other Jinyoung of the college, Park Jinyoung, recognisable from his stone-cold features and his signature turtleneck. The only thing he shares with your Jinyoung is the name. Whereas your Jinyoung was mixed up in all sorts of trouble, ranging from drugs to drinking to sex, Park Jinyoung kept to himself, except for this one girl he seemed to have conflicted feelings for. You’ve seen him look at her like she made the stars, only to push her away when she turns her attention towards him. And case in point, when you mutter out a sorry he barely pays attention to you, muttering her name under his breath. Looks like you’re not the only one looking for someone tonight.

You try and ask around a bit, and while some classmates do their best to narrow down Bae Jinyoung’s location for you despite their inebriated state, most of them are just too shell-shocked to see you here and they can’t mask their confusion.

“YN? I didn’t expect to see you here.” A familiar voice catches your attention and you turn to see Choi San standing before you, his hair ruffled and his signature smile on his face. There’s a hint of sadness in his eyes, but you don’t know him well enough to enquire about it.

“Ah, hello, San. I hope you’re doing well after…all that’s happened.” It’s no secret that San broke up with Yeseul because of his roommate. To your credit, you manage to hold back your curiosity and instead just ask him a question pertaining a bit more to your own dilemma. “Have you seen Jinyoung? Bae, not Park.”

San shrugs. “I’m doing well, yes. I can’t stay long, but I think I saw Jinyoung near the living room. It’s through there, you can’t miss it. Lots of couches…and lots of people kissing.”

You absolutely miss the warning tone in his voice, but your heart is already beating a little too fast for your own good at the idea of seeing Jinyoung again. “All right, thanks San!” You start walking the other way, but something nags at you and you spin around, calling out his name before he steps away. “And San…I want to apologise for Yeseul. You should go for your friend. She looks at you the same way.”

There’s a moment’s pause, then San quirks his lips at you. “Thanks, YN. I think I will. Good luck with Jinyoung.”

You laugh and salute him before turning back to continue on your way. With each step, you can feel excitement rush past your ears. You know it’s a horrible idea, but you’ve grown fond of Jinyoung. Maybe it was how all the rumours surrounding him were less than satisfactory, but he never showed you anything but kindness and quietness when you tutored him. Maybe it was the way he leapt at any chance to talk about football to you, and how his smile would light up any room.

And maybe it was when he finally convinced you to let loose and take a study break with him, you found out he kisses gently, large hands cupping your face as his breath puffs over your lips. His touches are soft, ghosting over your waist as you sit beside him, and you feel special.

“Jinyoung–” you call out, entering the room San had pointed out to you, but you stop dead in your tracks. You’ve found him. Bae Jinyoung, sitting on the couch, a girl in his lap and his tongue deep in her mouth. It’s not nearly as sweetly as he kissed you, and yet your stomach drops. It’s stupid to be hurt, you remind yourself. You stare for a moment longer, eyes glued to how the girl is grinding on him so well and you feel a tightness in your throat you can’t seem to dislodge.

And it’s almost like slow motion when Jinyoung turns his head and makes direct eye contact with you. His mouth drops open, more than it was before and like the coward, you turn tail and run right back out of the room.

You push through the people crowding you and out one of the back doors. In the distance, you can see a figure floundering in the lake, soaking wet, but you can’t be bothered to be curious about the sight. You should’ve known this was going to happen. You catch feelings, and Jinyoung doesn’t, and you make a fool of yourself. How could you be so dumb? It’s clear what happened. You were just another conquest, another prize for him to win.

“YN!” You can hear Jinyoung’s familiar cadence float from the house and you glance back, seeing him try and get to you through the people milling about. “YN wait!”

There’s desperation in his voice, but your brain does not register it and you just turn away, heading towards the line of cars parked far into the grass. You didn’t park there, but it should give you enough cover as you make your way to the next street over where your car actually is.

Your eyes are trained forward, and you refuse to look back even as Jinyoung’s panicked footsteps get closer and closer to you. “YN, please!” You hesitate just for a moment, but it’s long enough for him to catch up to you and grab your arm gently. “Please look at me, YN.”

You turn around, but keep your eyes trained on the ground lest you cry, especially after seeing his face. “What’s up?” It’s almost sick how sweetly your voice sounds as it breaks.

“YN, I’m sorry.” The desperation has not left Jinyoung’s voice, and his hands move to your shoulders, gripping them tightly as if that would convince you he meant no harm. And maybe he didn’t. But it’s not his fault you’ve fallen in love with an unobtainable thought.

“Why are you sorry?” you respond, trying your hardest to keep your voice level, although it tremours just a bit when Jinyoung sucks in a breath. “I can’t stop you from…parties, and kissing. I’m just a nobody.”

Jinyoung shakes his head, his long hair falling in his eyes but he makes no move to brush it away. “You’re anything but a nobody, YN. You’re pretty and perfect, and you have so much going for you. You have a job already lined up, you have plans for your future. I’m the one who’s a nobody.”

You laugh. “We could go around in circles, Jinyoung. You’re not a nobody, not to me. And not to that girl. It’s okay that I’m not who you want me to be. I can only kiss you sweetly, I can’t desire you in the same carnal way she does, no matter how much I want to. And there’s no way you want to waste time teaching me how to not be dumb and innocent.”

Jinyoung frowns, just as pretty as his smile is. “I do, YN. I do, more than you can know. I want to take you on dates and kiss you on the beach. I want to have coffee in the morning with you. I just want to hold you. And I love it when you’re innocent and sweet.”

“But that girl–”

“Screw that girl!” You flinch a little at his volume and Jinyoung pauses, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “We were drunk, and I was just missing you a little too much. It was a mistake. I should’ve have tried to run from my problems. I– when you called me, I should’ve dropped everything and gone to find you, but I didn’t. I didn’t want to let myself want you. But I do.”

You breathe in sharply through your nose. “I don’t want to make you change…” you start to protest carefully, although your resolve is breaking by the second.

Jinyoung shakes his head, leaning in so his face is mere breaths away from yours. “I want to change, YN. So please, let me.”

“I–” Against your better judgement, you look him in the eyes, noticing the shaking wateriness of them. “Okay.”

The tension in Jinyoung’s face pinches before finally dissipating, easing the lines in the skin. “Okay,” he copies you. “Okay. YN, can I kiss you?”

His question comes so suddenly, you swear your heart stopped beating for a moment. You barely get a yes out before Jinyoung’s lips capture yours again. And if you thought your first kiss was sweet, this is a million times sweeter. His hands find their way to the small of your back this time and push you closer to him, your arms naturally finding their way around his lithe shoulders. The movement makes the kiss deepen as his mouth presses eagerly against yours.

“I missed you,” he hums against your lips and you sigh happily.

“Must’ve been hard, benign away from me for a whole five days,” you can’t help but tease and Jinyoung groans good-naturedly.

“Man, you’re so mean to me. What happened to being all nice and innocent?” With a smile, you shove your face into Jinyoung’s neck. Jinyoung bends down to press a kiss to your temple. “Come on, let’s get out of here. I think we’re long overdue a talk.”

You sigh. “We are.”

[navigator-vahnya]

I’ve been listening to the Thrawn 2017 audiobook with my husband on our way to and from work. We just finished the Dromedar incident and got to the part where Captain Rossi gets all pissed off at Thrawn for saving the Dromedar’s crew instead of the Tibana gas. She suspends him, but then Thrawn razzle-dazzles her with some reverse psychology, getting her to kick Eli off the Blood Crow along with him. For those that don’t remember, the convo goes something like this:

Rossi: “One word out of you, Ensign, and your ass is staying behind on Ansion too.”

Eli: *seethes silently*

Thrawn: “i’M sUrE EnSigN VanTo WiLL bE Of gReAt VaLuE tO yOu On tHe ReMAiNDeR oF yOuR PaTroL.”

Rossi: “On SECOND thought, I can hardly deprive my extra special lieutenant of his aide. Congrats on the extended shore leave, Vanto. Peace, bitches.”

Eli: *surprised pikachu face*

At this point, shaking his head in disbelief, Ricky paused the audiobook. This was the conversation that followed:

Me: “What’s wrong?”

Ricky, exasperated: “Why is Thrawn OBSESSED with Eli?”

My brain, who’s an unapologetic Thranto shipper: «Where do I even BEGIN? Let me launch into a detailed monologue on how Thrawn and Eli are actually soulmates, only at this point in the story, Eli doesn’t know it yet.»

But in reality, I don’t want to sway his opinion, and I’m really curious about his unadulterated take on the Thrawn trilogy, so all I said was this:

Me: “Why do you think Thrawn is obsessed with him?”

Ricky: “I dunno, because he keeps manipulating his life? First he asked Palpatine to put Eli with him. Then he pulled that shit to get Eli assigned to the Blood Crow instead of the job he wanted. Now he’s getting Eli kicked off the Blood Crow too. Wherever Thrawn goes, he’s making sure Eli comes with him. Seems pretty obsessive to me.”

Me: “Hmm…”

Ricky, thoughfully: “…Is Thrawn in love with Eli or something?”

My brain: «Yes. Definitely.»

Ricky, not waiting for an answer: “Well, my man Eli better watch his back. Thrawn seems like the kind of dude who’s got people chained up in his basement.”

My brain: «Yep. I’ve definitely read that fic before.»

Me: “Lucky for Eli they don’t have basements in space.”

Ricky: “Are they still roommates? He might not actually need a basement…”

My brain: «And they were ROOMMATES!»

So I really enjoyed my husband’s take for several reasons. Firstly, he picked up right away on the fact that Thrawn’s early relationship with Eli was super manipulative. When I first read the book, I think I was wearing Thranto-colored glasses. I only saw the things I wanted to see. Like how Thrawn saw potential in Eli and wanted to cultivate it. Or maybe it was the bonding experience of Thrawn and Eli both being outcasts together, “the Wild Space yokel and the Unknown Regions alien”; they could succeed when all those core-worlders wanted to see them fail. But in reality, even if he did indeed see potential in Eli, Thrawn screwing around with his whole life and career was hella manipulative. Of course I know now that Thrawn wanted to keep him close because there was concern of Eli being a spy or even a Grysk plant. Even though he did indeed come to appreciate Eli’s unique talents over time, that’s not why he kept him close at first. But I was impressed that Ricky immediately called Thrawn’s behavior out as “obsessive,” because…well, it does come off that way.

Secondly, the Thranto shipper in me found it really interesting that Ricky asked me, “Is Thrawn in love with Eli or something?” Even though the love in question is of the manipulative and obsessive variety, I found it interesting that that word crossed his mind. It goes to show that even people who aren’t looking for it, and who aren’t reading between the lines, can pick up on some sort of Thranto vibe while reading (or in our case, listening to) this book. I really can’t wait to hear what he thinks once Eli’s loyalty to Thrawn begins to grow.

[andmaybegayer]

Look, I'll be honest, I got very little for you here.

Typically around this time of year I'm either still out wandering some wild place in South Africa or I have just got back home from said wandering and either one of those means I've got like, three or four books that I've just finished and a bunch of albums and probably some kind of photographic shenanigans.

These are not happening right now.

I am currently in an apartment in Prague with some visiting family I've been touring around so it is. Different. In light of this fact we're going to do our:

Last First Monday of the Year 2024-01-01

which is going to be a wrap-up of notable entries from 2023. It's true, I got some notes!

Listening (Music):

There is a clear winner for Most Important Album for me this year and that has to be Titus Andronicus putting out The WIll to Live. I picked up Titus Andronicus a few years ago on a rec from a guy on IRC and after putting The Monitor on loop for days I was so down with it. Unfortunately while the rest of their repertoire is honestly really solid punk, The Monitor is truly next level shit. The Will to Live finally closes that gap. It's so good.

There's a lot of good pull songs from this one but I do adore Baby Crazy which is just a breathless rundown of the core philosophy of the album. Part of what links The Monitor and The Will to Live is a very heavy handed metaphorical through line, The Monitor through American Civil War references and The Will to Live through the convoluted nuclear family analogue.

Truly no one is doing it like Titus Andronicus.

Listening (Podcasts):

Noted originator of the new weeklypost tradition @girlfriendsofthegalaxy was always talking about Friends at the Table and so I was like "Hey her taste is pretty good that's probably better than the median TTRPG podcast" and hey. It was. SO much more than I was expecting.

I started with Partizan which was at the time the current season, and hoo boy. F@TT does many things that handily sidestep a lot of my issues with RPG podcasts. By running tight little game systems with strong narrative focus and leaning more into the storytelling side than actual play (while still allowing rolls and player decisions to completely upend the plot) they get into the action quickly, have strong character driven scenes, and manage to hold my attention.

I will be open and say that the politics of Austin Walker's storytelling are very mixed. A lot of people act like these games are incisive political commentary but they only really hit that occasionally, which I think is good. Leaning into the weirdness of these settings is important, and trying to make them cleave too close to modern problems at all times would weaken them, compared to what they actually do well.

What If Han Solo Was Beyoncé. Remember: You Have Beaten Your Worst Days. Destroy Something Instead Of Understanding It.

Within four episodes of the start of Partizan, one half of the game has seen the death of a minor god and started a false flag operation with consequences that would persist to the end of the season. The game systems in play often outright prevent character death in all but the direst situations, but they replace that with dramatic character change. Clem becomes Obsessed, Valence becomes Righteous, Sovereign Immunity becomes Paranoid.

They are definitely playing "for the camera", if you aren't a fan of heavy allusions to other media as part of storytelling you will not like this, but they work it out well. There's a commitment to interesting storytelling that follows well into the next point, which is:

They are very good at getting into characters motivations. Clementine Kesh is despicable, she is terrible, and she's the central focal point of a huge run of Partizan. Hella Varal of the Hieron series is also a spectacularly character-driven entity, frequently a major driving force of the plot, doing things none of the players would really want to have happen. This also applies to Lem King, to an extent.

After catching up with Partizan I went back and I've been running through the backlog. I am almost caught up to Twilight Mirage, I might step out to listen to the current season since it follows directly from Partizan. I'll see.

Reading:

Without a doubt the big one this year was Terra Ignota. Absolutely lodged in my brain forever.

Terra Ignota is like the flipside of the Culture. The Culture assumes that its members are so far gone from their humanity that their utopian issues are almost incomparable to ours. The Hives are instead a utopian society built on a hard break from modernity that has left them very, very vulnerable to our modern problems. The approach Terra Ignota takes to gender, nationality, and family is set up to argue a very interesting case, not that those things cannot be changed, but that you can't just go cold turkey on them.

(The Gender is particularly forceful. Mycroft's haphazard attempts to reverse-engineer gender for his imagined Reader are so good, they perfectly replicate the internal experience of going to a very very queer environment with a brain that was still ultimately wired by the recent past.)

The actual plot of Terra Ignota is kind of secondary to the spectacle of all these Types Of Guys interacting and exposing their internal processes in a way that is so satisfying. The Hives are unusual in part because there's so few that probably appeal to the readers. I don't think pretty much any of Terra Ignota's expected audience have much interest in the Europeans, Masons, or the Mitsubishi, and while some of them might agree with the Brillists they are given so little screen time that it's hard to say. Really it ends up being the Humanist/Utopian debate at its core, with the Cousins there to balance it. As a result it's impressive that by the end I think most people I've talked to are less sure whether they agree more with the Humanists or the Utopians.

Watching:

Arcane, a one that I don't think I talk about too much, in part because it's so tidy. A perfectly wrapped gift of tragedy! Any story where at almost any point a few characters could just talk it out and resolve all their problems but they don't is *chef's kiss* to me. If you like Othello you will love Arcane is what I'm getting at here.

Arcane is such a gorgeous show, dripping with character, every single scene is so carefully considered. There's an extremely long (in time) close shot of Jayce throwing up over a bridge that I think of all the time.

Arcane is so clear and uncompromising in its presentation of its characters. I've said before that there's actually very little character development among any of the main cast, instead the show builds on bringing very strongly defined characters into conflict and exploring what they do next. This works wonderfully.

And the music! I have probably listened to the Arcane soundtrack a little too much. Basically the only time I went on spotify this year was to look at the Radio channels for songs from the soundtrack.

Playing:

Given that I spent so long playing Breath of the WIld this year you'd think it would be that and you'd be dead wrong. Not that great! It's fine! I like an immersive sim open world game but do you know what I actually do when I feel like I want to play a game just for the pure thrill of it. I go open TItanfall 2.

Titanfall 2 is the ideal first person shooter campaign. It is short and sweet and interesting and manages to keep you sufficiently overpowered without making you feel like it's easy. I played the campaign on Hard at the start of the year and it is the shooter I remember shooters I don't actually like as being.

The reason I play first person shooters is for the fast reaction twitch play. I do not care for long kill times, I do not care for gradually plinking enemies down, I do not want to think about a target for more than 5 seconds. Titanfall is absurdly fast if you play it right, you never stop, you optimize for shooting on the run, and you bounce around the field like a pinball. Delightful.

Titan Combat in the campaign is meh, it's so often just a slog against artificially toughened bosses, or figuring out how to deal with those little AI bots. It's fine. I like being a big robot. Titans are probably better in multiplayer. At some point I will install Northstar so I can try multiplayer lobbies.

Tools and Equipment:

The 3D printer! I have been in the orbit of 3D printing types for ages but now that I have one I can see why its an essential tool for so many electronics types. The ability to just Make The Thing You Need is so powerful. Printed items have their limitations but they all pale in relation to "I hit a button and the exact thing I need appears in 2-12 hours".

So many projects stall out because you need a bracket or an adapter or a flange or a box that you know all the specifications for but that will take two weeks to arrive or has to be ordered in batches of 200 or costs 10× as much as you're willing to pay.

My printer is cheap as shit, the Anycubic Neo cuts as many costs as possible without being actively bad, and it's still a great printer. It can do anything I need well enough that I can carry on with the rest of my life. It has the precision to do slip fit parts and even basic materials have the strength for fairly crucial components.

Like, sure, you can make a lot of these things quickly by hand if you have the parts available, but like, even if somehow all your problems can be solved by cutting a PVC pipe to the right size and shape, do you keep all possible dimensions of PVC pipe in a drawer somewhere? No, you run into a problem that needs 60mm pipe and you only have 50mm pipe and now you gotta go to the hardware store and buy 2m of pipe for a project that needs 0.2m of pipe. It is such a problem-solver to be able to fabricate arbitrary complex shapes from plastic stock.

Making:

The big one. The Penrose Quilt.

This took months for me and my mother to put together, and it came out exactly like we hoped. It's so good, it looks incredible, we put it together by hand with needles and thread and time, I sleep under it every night, it is the ideal item. Few things to build your handsewing confidence like backstitching probably over a hundred meters of seams.

This was a really ambitious project and yet we pulled it off. Absolutely ridiculous.

[cephalog0d]

Batfic - "Haunted AF"

HAPPY SPOOKYWEEN here's some silly Batkids! (Shoutout to @dangerousdan-dan for motivating me to finish this even though it's very last minute XD)

Rating: Teen and Up Audiences Category: Gen Characters/Relationships: Cassandra Cain & Dick Grayson & Duke Thomas & Jason Todd & Stephanie Brown & Tim Drake Additional Tags: Humor, Ghosts, Dick Grayson is a Troll, Jason Todd is a Troll, Batkids Being Batsibs

Summary:

“I mean, would you want to spend Halloween in a haunted fucking house?” Jason asked. He received a collection of blank stares and frowns for a second before anyone realized what he meant. “Jason, the Manor is not haunted,” Tim said with a truly impressive eye roll.

“Has Bruce worked out Halloween patrols yet?” Steph asked as she flopped sideways into an arm chair. “I mean I assume there’s going to be some kind of catastrophe to deal with.”

“Last I heard he was still narrowing down leads. I think I’m supposed to review some data scrapes from Babs later,” Tim said, frowning absently into his mug. Either because he was remembering the work he had to do or because he’d just realized his drink was gone, it wasn’t entirely clear.

“Ooh, fun,” Steph said with a smirk.

“Yeah, well. Failure to prepare is preparing to fail and all that.”

“What, did you swallow a motivational calendar?” Jason asked without looking up from his book.

“Too blessed to be stressed,” Tim intoned flatly.

“Hashtag blessed,” Cass corrected him with a grin. Steph made a choking noise and clapped a hand over her mouth to avoid spraying her drink all over herself while Jason shot both of them a look of outright disgust.

“Does the Manor get, like, trick or treaters and stuff?” Duke asked thoughtfully. “I mean it’s way out in the middle of nowhere.”

“I dunno, actually,” Tim said with a frown. “Nobody’s usually home on Halloween anyway, considering…” He gestured vaguely at all of them in a way that was apparently meant to indicate “being a vigilante in Gotham on Halloween”.

“I mean, would you want to spend Halloween in a haunted fucking house?” Jason asked. He received a collection of blank stares and frowns for a second before anyone realized what he meant.

“Jason, the Manor is not haunted,” Tim said with a truly impressive eye roll.

“What, are you kidding me? It’s Gotham. Gotham is hella haunted-”

“Don’t say hella.”

“-just in general and the Manor is definitely included in that. You know how old that place is? How many people used to live there before Bruce turned into the Bat Hermit? How much tragedy those walls have borne witness to?”

“‘Borne witness’?” Cass repeated softly to herself.

“There are no ghosts in Wayne Manor,” Tim said firmly. “I’ve never noticed anything strange. Or, you know, strange compared to our normal level of weird.”

“You barely lived there. I saw all sorts of weird shit when I was a kid. Stuff getting moved around even though no one was home, doors opening and closing on their own, weird shadows that shouldn’t be there moving around. That was the worst. Headed up the stairs in the dark, seeing someone lurking up ahead, assuming it’s Bruce, and then nope, he’s behind you and nobody’s there. Scared the shit out of me when I was little.”

“So a bunch of stuff that’s easily explained as a child’s imagination?” Tim asked, unimpressed.

“There’s also the mirror.”

“The mirror?” Steph repeated in a mockingly serious voice.

“One of the bathroom mirrors back in the back hall would always have handprints up in the top corner no matter how many times we cleaned it. Alfred just thought it was me and Dick messing with him. Eventually he decided it must’ve been stained somehow and just replaced the mirror, but the handprints came back pretty much immediately.”

“You are so full of shit!” Steph laughed loudly. Tim was silent but the hard stare he was directing at Jason was more than eloquent.

“I heard yelling, what’s going on?” Dick said from the hall, poking his head around the doorway.

“Just telling them about the ghosts,” Jason said evenly. Whatever reaction the others expected of Dick (probably either rolling his eyes or sternly telling Jason to knock it off), they didn’t get it. Dick just nodded, entirely unsurprised, as if that was a perfectly reasonable answer, eliciting another round of Looks between the kids as he wandered over to stand by Jason’s chair.

“Oh, yeah,” Dick said matter-of-factly. “The attic one who breaks glass at stupid o’clock in the morning or the one who leaves creepy handprints in the downstairs bathroom mirror?”

“Wait, that’s real?” Tim demanded incredulously.

“Yeah, and that thing in the tiny guest room that blows on your neck if you stay there too long.”

“Ugh, I hate that one,” Dick agreed with a shudder. “So creepy.”

The other four exchanged a complicated series of looks.

“Okay, so you’re both full of shit,” Steph said with less conviction than before.

“Believe what you want,” Jason said levelly. Dick just looked slightly confused at their skepticism.

“I...need to check something,” Tim said as he hurriedly packed up his laptop and phone.

“Oh, yeah, you want some help?” Steph offered.

“Uh, sure, I’m just gonna…” Tim did not actually finish explaining what he was going to do as he left, Steph and Cass trailing along behind him. Duke watched them go, glanced at Dick and Jason, then shrugged and went to follow.

“They’re totally going to spend all night ghost hunting,” Jason said once they were gone.

“Yup,” Dick grinned, holding out a hand in Jason’s direction. Jason rolled his eyes, but fist bumped him anyway.

“Should we make sure they find something?” he suggested with a smirk. Dick blinked at him, looking slightly confused again.

“You don’t think they will?” he asked innocently. Jason narrowed his eyes suspiciously. That was absolutely one of Dick’s “I’m full of shit” voices.

“Of course they won’t, because the Manor’s not haunted,” Jason said slowly. “That was all bullshit.”

“Oh, right! Of course,” Dick agreed with a (fake as hell) easy smile.

“Dick.”

“Do you think Bruce has finished his patrol schedules yet?” Dick asked as he headed out of the room.

“Dick! You said you made it up! Dick!”

[mintytealfox]

//slides in here You want Alicenort headcanons I have come to deliver (fun fact I am the same anon that sent the word vomit of Alicenort stuff and the Golden Canary headcanon so le boo fhdjsk)

Enjoy reading.

A headcanon I hold dear to my heart is the fact Norton kind of follows Alice around a kin to a lost puppy (yes, even his hunter form, yes it has spooked her) sometimes. No one knows why, and when pressed about Norton will just tell people to shove off (lol).

Another headcanon I have is Alice and Norton together. Be like trapped in the manor forever idea or the fun idea they escaped together, Norton helps Alice out. Alice is the one person who Norton doesn't mind helping because she gets him. Sure, Norton will still be an ass about it sometimes, but its more of a playful teasing ass that Alice would and can play along with. Plus the two are a terrifying combo together. Norton is the brawns and cunning street smarts while Alice is the book smarts and detective skills. They get into a lot of mischief together, even with Norton's hunter form throw into the mix. Examples of this are: Norton and Alice going off the beaten map and exploring, maybe him lifting heavy stuff up for Alice to squeeze into to find something or lifting Alice herself up into vents. Or Alice knowing the ins and outs of the manor well, so she knows how to sneak around and teaches Norton all the passages it holds so he can move around quickly.

Adding to this too, while they work well together, they also know when to let the other go and do their own thing since it can and WILL get results. Even if the other has to clean up after them.

Also a bonus headcanon thats not 100% Alicenort related, but kind is near the end headcanon: Norton owns a hunting knife that he has on person 24/7. Has this resulted in him stabbing hunters? Yes. Has this also resulted in him stabbing his fellow survivors? Probably, maybe, okay only when he is very out of it and they spook him (fight of flight response and Norton screams the fight response). Alice knows about this and usually calls out to Norton to makes her presence known when he is like this.

yyyyeeeeeeEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS Welcome BACK 🤣👏👏👏 I am thoroughly enjoying what my eyes are seeing here 👀

The image of massive rock man slowly following Alice around like a giant duckling LOOL The 'not like I care about her or anything' vibes have me laughing lool "Alice fell down" (she didn't) Fool's Gold: "SHE WAHT" -looks at the camera- "told you he cares about her"

GOSH YES! He strikes me as someone who doesn't accept help anymore because he is waiting for the price or strings that follow or just the rejection (he will take free stuff though lol). So to have this reporter lady just helping him cause she wants to is likely so wild at first. Able to spot what he likes or needs and is a step ahead with helping him cause she knows he will wait too long or just never ask lol -out on the field trying do get out the gate- Norton: "Okay I need to get--" Alice -places the exact tool he needs in his hand- Norton: ......💞🤌🤌

Alice could 100% handle him lol Good for her honestly 🤣

Oh my gosh YES! This dude has hella strength. Like, this dude can handle working in the mines with his lungs barely working and still lugging around rubble and whacking through it all with a pickaxe, with very little food fueling him. This dude lives on ambition and spite alone ah Then Alice over here seeing stuff like 'that bird is a particular shade of blue so that means we are near this place where something crazy happened' and running right towards the danger as Norton has to run after her. Her getting them involved with so much garbage loool but they have been through so much in their lives that honestly why not, by this point 🤣 LOL the image of them trying to break into a business, (to get the sussy documents so they could have the proof that the business is corrupt and have them close down), and Norton lifting up Alice so she can slip through the window LOL Alice: "do I weigh anything to you?" Norton: "no, its like holding a couple of grapes"

Gosh yea, them knowing each other's strengths and weaknesses like the backs of their hands. 🤌🤌🤌🤌

He is a fighter FOR SURE 1000000% Feral Norton has my heart feeling the ouchies for him and Alice needing to act accordingly owww oowww

AHH THANK YOU FOR THIS FEAST AAAHHH 👏👏👏👏

[froot-batty]

I'd love to learn more about your Jon! Any fun facts or tidbits about his lore/backstory you're willing to dish out for free?

i sure do! i'll just drop his whole backstory, since i've been meaning to anyway :]

Jonathan Crane was born and raised on a rural farm in the heart of Georgia. Contrary to what most might've guessed, his parents were actually really respected doctors/researchers, who had moved out there after having Jon in an attempt to have a family life. They quickly realized that they'd only had a kid out of a feeling of obligation, and they held no real love for Jon nor a desire to raise him. The pair of them were often out for what could be months at a time on "business trips".

This left Jon often in the care of his extremely religious and abusive grandmother. Jon was homeschooled, so there was no escape from her tyrannical rule over their house except if he stuck his nose in a book or ventured out into the fields.

Jon had always loved the crows out on his family's property. They were the pets that he was never allowed to get, and basically became a family to him. His grandmother was absolutely freaked out by the crows, and Jon eventually noticed. To get back at her, he'd sprinkle seed or other bits of food in places where she would undoubtedly see them and get scared by them. She was always going on and on about demonic forces and ghosts and the like, so eventually Jon took it up a notch and started dressing up as a scarecrow, creeping around the farm in the distance or even standing over her bed at night.

Seeing her turn from an monstrous, terrifying figure to him to the scared, frail old woman she was was quite a power trip for him. He became fascinated by the power of fear and how it revealed a person's true nature. And how it made him feel powerful in return.

The death of his grandmother was a complete accident. The power of being the scarecrow had gotten to his head so much that he confronted her head on, meaning to just wave his scythe around and scare the daylights out of her. But one thing lead to another lead to her gutted on their living room floor.

By now Jon's parents hadn't come back in over two years, so he neatly cleaned up her body, packed a bag, stole some money, and ventured out to Gotham City.

fun facts (and a doodle) under the cut, since this already got HELLA long

-Jon works at Arkham, very closely with it's director: Hugo Strange. Strange is aware of Jon's double life as the Scarecrow and they commit various wildly unethical experiments on the patients within Arkham

-Jon's leg brace comes from one of his first encounters with the Bat. It'd been bad since he had fucked up his knee as a kid, but after accidentally falling off of a roof while fighting Batman it just got absolutely destroyed. It'd have been too suspicious to go to a hospital, so it ended up healing wrong. Lucky for him he's got a high pain tolerance

-He and Ed met during Ed's first stint in Arkham. He thought Ed was fascinating psychologically and thus was his psychiatrist for a little while. Until he broke him out

-Oswald absolutely hates him. Jon doesn't like the little man but he finds the rivalry more funny than anything. The reason for it is that during the mayoral campaign, Oswald came to Jon for help creating something that would indispose his fellow candidate. After Jon refused, Oz got petty and tattled the location of his current hideout to the GCPD. A faceful of fear gas later and Oz's healthy wariness of Jon is restored

this is baby crane's first scarecrow costume <3

[nine-of-words]

Something Borrowed (Part Five)

M Gargoyle x M Reader

PREVIOUS || STORY TAG || NEXT

Wordcount: 5134

Content Warnings: Discussion of a Breakup, Drinking (Reader)

This one being a day late may or may not have to do with the fact I've finally started playing bg3...

Today, so far, has been one of those days that everything just feels wrong.

The midsummer wedding rush is in full swing, you’re baking the batters for a wedding cake off in the morning and finishing a different one for pickup each afternoon. And that’s on top of every birthday and pool party and every other sort of occasion under the sun, all demanding sweet, celebratory confections.

“Ugh, I just don’t get it…” Kirby grumbles and snaps the old tome closed, an uncharacteristically gloomy pout on their face. They lean their head on their hand, their palm squishing their cheek. 

“Something I can help with?” You’ve told them pretty much everything you think may be pertinent, and happily entertained any of the failed spell purging attempts they’ve tried on you so far, but you still want to assist in any way you can.

“Not really- I’ve had no luck with leads at all. And none of the methods in this book that operate without knowing the origin of the curse look very promising. But there’s, like, definitely a curse here! The vibe in the shop and on you- The energy is there, it feels like it’s yours…but it can’t be from you! You’re a numan!”

“Yeah, imagine how frustrating it is on my end.” You chuckle.

“Ohh, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that… No offense!!'

"None taken."

“It’s not your fault at all!” They sigh.  “It just… doesn’t make any sense… y’know? I'm like, really good at breaking curses. Even the sneaky ones. It’s kind of my thing. But this one is like, hella hella HELLA sneaky!!!"

“Well, here, try one of these.” Doing what you know best in terms of soothing frayed nerves, you carefully pick up a cupcake from the case- Kirby’s favorite flavor, you've learned- and set it down in front of them. You hear yourself echoing the words your own mother told you growing up countless times: “It won’t fix the problem… but it might help you feel a little better.”

They let out a small, strangled gasp in glee.

“Oooooooh gosh! You're so good to meeee!” The faun takes the cupcake into their hands immediately, holding it like a small treasure. “I’m really going to need to hit the gym after this case, hahah~”

They devour their little treat and seem a bit less bogged down by the weight of your case afterwards, back to their normal peppy self. Helping to lighten their mood at least makes you feel slightly less guilty that your curse is the reason they’re having a hard time in the first place.

Kirby ends up heading out for the weekend not long after, deciding that fresh air and a change of scenery might help jog their investigative thinking.

You find yourself heaving a sigh as you look at the clock,clock, that closing time is creeping ever closer.

It's been so busy you haven't even been able to bake anything for when you see Carlyle later…

You go about the rest of your tasks, a little nervous about the tasting the closer it looms. Devin is pleasant enough, but working for someone you know socially is always a bit of a roll of the dice, unless you really know them well. You can’t imagine her being a problem client, though…

So, what could go wrong?

Nothing, you decide.

This tasting will go well, and even if it’s painful to be reminded of your past for a little bit, your reward for getting through it is getting to go on a date with a wonderful, kind, handsome man later this evening.

Any anxiety about the tasting seemingly disappears as you go through the motions lost in your smitten daydreaming.

Finally, you tidy up a little bit, taking care of what you can of closing while you wait, the table setting for the tasting already set.

Not too long after, Devin appears, all pastels and sunshine.

“Hi, hello there!” She chirps and all but flutters over. When she gets to the table, she grasps your hands and gives them a gentle squeeze with her small, graceful hands, still clearly brimming with joy. “Thanks so much again for fitting us in!!”

“You’re very welcome. Go ahead and take a seat- Oh, and where’s your partner?”

“Pookie will be here in a minute! He’s on his way.” She daintily takes a seat, tucking her ornamental bag in the sill of the window. “He had to stop by the music store before it closed. Lost all his picks again, hehe.”

“Oh, that’s funny.” You snort, reminiscing a little. "My ex used to lose all his picks all the time too, haha."

"It's the worst! I cleaned out one of my old purses once and found twelve at the bottom! Twelve! Then this one time-"

Devin continues to chatter excitedly about anecdotes involving her partner, most of which you relate to with your own stories. It seems you and her have dated similar types of men, for sure.

The conversation is enjoyable enough, but you can't help the strange sense of foreboding weighing on your chest.

"If he'll be here soon, I'll just go ahead and fill these, if you don't mind." You say, motioning to the flutes and the iced bottle of champagne in the bucket. You just want your hands busy to assuage some of the inexplicable nerves. "He'll miss the lovely pop, though."

"Oh, sure, go ahead! I don’t think he’ll mind." Devin assures you with a nod, so you grab the bottle and a cloth napkin.

After neatly removing the foil and the muselet, you cover the cork with the napkin and twist until it goes.

POP-

Devin laughs happily, clapping. The noise drowns out all the sound of the shop door opening, up until the end of the door bell jingle tapering off. A bit of champagne foam drips down the bottleneck and over your palm, then down onto the table.

You look up just in time to see your other guest- your body freezing in place as soon as your eyes fall on them.

You know this person anywhere, down to the tiniest details. A familiar lanky grey elf man; long brown hair tied back in a lazy half-bun, a worn band t-shirt with a flannel wrapped around his waist, and wrists wrapped in braided cord bracelets that move towards calloused fingers.

He looks the same as ever. He was wearing that t-shirt the day you moved out.

It’s Trevor.

You just look at him, speechless. He looks just as shocked- pale as a ghost, and frozen in place just past the threshold of the shop.

There is a loud maelstrom of emotions churning in your chest; you can hear it as blood rushing in your ears. Part of you is just so happy to see him again- but it’s quickly drowned out by months of suffering and grief and anger-

But before you can get so much as a ‘what the hell are you doing here?’ out, Devin speaks up, confirming the worst possible reason to be true.

“There’s my Pookie!” 

"Hello." You force out. Finally reacting, you clean up the bottle and take the champagne flute from in front of her, turning your focus on filling it, trying to maintain some facade of normalcy as your heart starts racing.

“Oh… Heeey…” Trevor says awkwardly, seeming to find his ability to speak and move his limbs as he creakily approaches the table.

“What are you doing standing around, silly?” She pats the pink cushion on the seat of the metal chair beside her. “Come sit, you can finally meet my sweet friend!” 

He finally takes the seat next to his new fiance, timid and flighty as if you’re going to jump up and sink your teeth into him at any moment. The expression is only made more intense when Devin leans over and gives him a large affectionate peck, the septum ring in her nose smooshing flat against his cheekbone.

“Let me introduce you! So,” She says your name. “This is my fiance, Trevor, and Pookie, this is my friend-”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to…” Trevor cringes slightly at hearing your name. 

“Oh… um, do you two already know each other…?” Devin puts a polished finger to her lips, tilting her head quizzically.

“Yeah, Pookie,” You barely manage to keep from spitting the word out like venom. You pick up the second flute to fill it, your fingers pressed forcefully into the stem. “We do, don’t we?”

“Uh. Yeah, Dev. We know each other.” Trevor rubs the back of his head, that little motion of self-soothing that you’re not sure he picked up from you over the years, or vice versa. “We used to date.”

Used to date? That’s it? That’s how he’s going to describe you devoting almost a decade of your life to him, and him tossing it away when you needed his support the most?

You expected to be sad. To be utterly devastated. And while you are certainly feeling heartbroken… You in no way expected this level of indignant anger bubbling in your gut in addition to that stabbing, crushing sadness in your heart.

“Oh, that’s wonderful! It’s so sweet you two can still get along.” Devin says, and you try not to scoff at her absolute failure at reading the room. “If you’re already friends, that makes introducing you a whole lot easier!”

“Yeah. Sooo, uh… You moved the shop and changed its name, huh?” Trevor asks, daring to address you directly for the first time since he meandered in.

The quiet part: This would’ve never had the chance to happen if I knew it was you.

“Yes. It felt necessary at the time.” You say through your clenched jaw, filling your own flute of champagne.

You can’t even look him in the eye while you speak to him. Looking at the familiar hazel of his eyes- it just hurts too much.

“It… looks nice in here, man. I’m glad you’re doing okay.”

Doing okay?? You're most certainly not- or at least you weren't. 

Either way, what would he know about it?! Like you haven’t been struggling to crawl out of a deep pit of sadness and self-loathing over the last year… Spending so much time blaming yourself for getting cursed. For not being good enough…

But… at the end of the day, you are a professional. You mentally pull yourself together, remembering your customer service voice and mustering all of your strength to get through this tasting on your raw charisma and goodwill towards Devin alone.

“Thanks.” You say, neutralizing the emotion in your voice to a smooth, pleasant tone. “Let’s get those cake samples out for you to try, aye…?”

You mercifully move away from the table, grabbing the plate of small, delicately cut cake samples from the front cooler. Some of these samples are flavors you always include, while others are ones Devin asked for specifically.

You set the plate down on the table- each neat square of cake accentuated with flower petals.

You watch as they try the cake samples, talking amongst themselves. You provide guidance and offer information when prompted, but you mostly just sit and drink your champagne, trying not to scowl or otherwise provide bad service.

…They're not agreeing on any flavors.

You've been in this business enough to know that's a bad sign. Not that they have completely different preferences itself- that can be worked around, and you've made multiple split cakes, or had people opt for different flavored batches of cupcakes in the past. It’s not uncommon, but it’s the way that the couple comes to that agreement that’s important. It's the way that they're addressing, or in this case, failing to address, those differences of preferences that's the bad sign.

"I like the pistachio creme, oh!- and the apricot curd- but the rose filling is nice too… and the marble cake is so good! All of these are so yummy, how are we supposed to ever choose?" Devin sighs happily, holding up the tiny fork as if trying to defend herself from having to make a decision. She has a point- not being able to pick which cake flavor is better is probably one of the best dilemmas you can think of to have. "What do you think, Pookie?"

“Whatever you want is good, babe.” Trevor bobs his leg under the table in rhythm, the way he does when he's bored. If he wasn't acutely aware of how bad it would look, he'd probably already be scrolling.

Awkwardness aside, he could at least try to act involved… Some things never change, you guess.

“Oh… I don’t know. What do you think?” Devin turns to you with a bright smile, practically wriggling in her seat in child-like excitement. “You’re the expert after all, hehe.”

“Well, I could’ve saved us some time if I had known… He won’t like any of these three- definitely not the marble, he hates chocolate cake.” You lean over and say, pointing to a few of the cake samples. “Regular white’s his favorite, but you probably didn’t like it much. It’s the most popular for weddings, but it's a wee bit boring, if I’m being completely honest. And he’d prefer the Elven berry compote filling with it.”

Trevor looks pale, like he’s going to be sick. He doesn’t protest, though- you already know you’re right.

“Oh! Wow, you’re really amazing!” She says, impressed. “How did you know all that?”

“Dev…” Trevor cringes, but doesn’t say anything more.

“Oh you know." You brush it off with a bitter smile. "Years of experience."

"Hmm…"

"Not to overstep too much," You can feel the champagne starting to influence your commentary just a tad. "If his parents are going to contribute financially to the wedding, they'll probably appreciate something classic, like that combination. They're sort of traditional. Might help you get on their good side."

Devin looks at Trevor, who nods weakly.

As you expected, they end up going with what Trevor (and ultimately his parents) would enjoy, over the less common combo Devin preferred. You can't help but feel a little bad, seeing a lot of your past self in Devin while watching that compromise take place.

You take down the details of the order on your datapad, desperately holding onto your sanity because you're trusting relief is coming soon.

"You'll still come to the wedding, won't you?" Devin asks you, puppy dog eyes already engaged. "I've got the save the date right here-"

She retrieves her bag and digs through it for a little box filled with twee, flowery wedding announcements printed on nicely textured card stock. She hands you one.

"Sure. I'll be there." You say, reflexively placating without giving it much thought.

Ugh, why did you agree to that…? Surely you could've thought up some excuse.

Trevor seems to be having much the same thought as you, brows almost imperceptibly twitching through his sheepish expression. 

"Oh, good!" She claps.

A small bit of gleeful small talk and Devin’s profuse gratitude later, they finally leave.

Somehow, you managed to get through the entire tasting without making a scene, no matter how badly you wanted to.

You plop down in the stool behind the counter, not even bothering to lock the front up or turn the sign off.

As soon as you’re sure they’re gone and absolutely won’t be coming back for any reason, you let yourself become undone- bursting into raw, pained sobbing in the silence of the empty shop.

It’s like a knife in your chest, seeing him with something else and doing well, when you’re an absolute wreck, still struggling to pull together the broken pieces of your life.

As much as you’re hurting and never want to see him again, on the other hand, a small, weak, part of yourself still wishes that he would change his mind, come to his senses, show up and ask you to come back. Or that you would wake up one morning and all of this would’ve been a particularly long and excruciating dream…

You know you would take him back in a heartbeat. And it disgusts you.

It’s hopeless. It’s pathetic.

But…

It’s not fair.

That was supposed to be your wedding.

Once you’ve had a good cry and drained most of the remaining bottle of champagne by yourself, you’re staring down at your shop counter, zoning out.

Your eyes drift from the wedding announcement, instead choosing to fall on the vased bouquet of flowers still sitting nearby. They’re doing well still, not wilting yet at all. You've been taking good care of them.

You're hit with the sudden, shattering recall of the fact you have a date in less than half an hour. 

Carlyle!

You jump up from your seat, then are forced to sit back down at once as your world spins nauseatingly. 

… There’s no way you can let him see you like this.

You pull out your device, and desperately hammer out an admittedly sloppy message.

< Canb we rain check? Had a v bad dday today

You decide that will suffice and take another long glug from your champagne flute- the last of the bottle. 

Carlyle, bless him, is punctual as ever, and responds to your message with concern before you’ve even put the glass back down on the counter. You would’ve noticed this if you weren’t completely lost in your own spiraling thoughts.

When you finally wipe your bleary eyes on the inner elbow of your button up to get a more clear picture of your device’s screen, you see a bundle of messages waiting. He must really be worried, because it's not in his nature to send multiple messages without waiting for a response first.

> Already on the train to the restaurant

> Are you okay?

> I'll change lines

> Be there in a few

“Dammit,” You swear, hanging your head in your spread palm, staring down the screen.

Great. Perfect. 

You tried to spare him the sight of you, and managed to summon him here instead.

Not only did you have to see stupid Trevor today and agree to make his stupid wedding cake for his stupid wedding with someone new, but now the amazing man that has somehow managed to show interest in you is going to see what an absolute trainwreck you actually are.

You didn't even bake him anything!

…You really are cursed. 

And maybe you're to blame…

You’re stuck in that same loop of catastrophic thinking until the bell chimes, taunting, above the front door that you couldn’t be bothered to lock earlier.

“Hey.”

It's hard to stay devastated when you see Carlyle walk through the door, wearing a subtle, well-concealed look of concern that you may not even have noticed if you were less familiar with him.

"Sorry." You say in exasperation, voice hoarse, trying not to burst into tears again.  "I'm fuckin' tossed."

He takes that as his cue to approach the counter.

"Hah- It’s fine." He glances around at the half-closed state of the shop with raised eyebrows, then back to you. "Bad day, huh?"

"Awful. Terrible. Dogshite."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No!" You whine, and then immediately launch into talking about it. You explain the awful day you’ve had even before the event, and he listens attentively.

"And it was fuckin' Trevor of all people, because of course it was-" You seethe. "One of my clients is marrying my bloody ex! Of all the people in this city!"

Carlyle nods to confirm he's listening, so you take that as the go ahead to just spill everything.

"You should have seeeeen them- He hasn't changed at all. He still leaves his stupid guitar picks everywhere! And he sucks at guitar. He was always better at drums. And she just coddled him n’ doted on him n’ babied him the whole time. Just like I always did- He didn't deserve it then, he sure doesn't deserve it now!"

"I knew he was going to pick the vanilla sponge and the berry filling. I knew it! He is so predictable. You know she picked the marbled sponge and the pistachio cream? There is no way they're going to work out. I make a lot of wedding cakes, Carlyle! Those flavors don't work together!"

"And she calls him Pookie." You gag.

At some point during your rant, he removed his suit jacket, rolled up his sleeves and sat down on one of the metal stools across the counter from you. A glass of water has appeared within arms reach, and you didn’t even notice him going to find the sink.

"You should drink some of this." He taps a dull, stony claw against the trim of the glass. "You'll feel better."

"Ah, bless." You gratefully sip at the liquid, only now realizing how parched you were.

"Sounds like you've had quite the day indeed. At least it’s over?” Carlyle tries to reason.

“I agreed to make their wedding cake. AND go to the bloody wedding.”

“Spirits.” Carlyle laughs softly, cringing and rubbing his neck with his palm. "You could always say something came up."

"Yeah, but my… Client? Friend? Client-Friend? Devin- she’s lovely. Absolute sweetheart. She was so excited to invite me and… I just don't want to hurt her feelings."

“Oh. That is pretty rough.”

“Right? It’s downright tragic, is what it is!" You find yourself quickly becoming all giggles and giddy bubbles."That's why I'm such a mess- well no, I won’t lie, I'm a mess anyway- but tonight I am a HUGE one. We were supposed to be on a date right now, but instead you're here listening to me blubber and winge on about my ex." 

"Believe it or not, I've actually been enjoying listening to you. Moreseo than I already do." He smiles at you warmly, fingers flexing where they're laced together on the countertop.

"An' why's that?" You ask, putting on your best attempt at a flirty tone, given your state. You’re convinced you’ve nailed it.

"For one, your accent seems to be stronger when you're intoxicated. It may not be the most appropriate time to mention it, maybe… but it's too cute to not point it out."

You laugh giddily, suddenly filled with a surge of confidence.

"Cute, eh?"

"Very." He affirms, obviously genuine through his amusement. 

Your face flushes, and you beam with glee.

"...You wouldn't like me better with a twee septum piercing?"

"That's awfully specific…" Carlyle taps his fingers on the countertop in thought, a soft clicking of stoneskin on marble. "I suppose if you wanted one, it's your choice and I can't really complain… It isn't something I would personally find aesthetically pleasing. …Though I could get used to it…"

You crack into laughter, giggling until you're wheezing and dabbing at the tears in your eyes.

"Oh… that's such good news, hahah…"

"Right. …Maybe it's for the best that we get you upstairs?" Carlyle rises, then comes around to your side of the counter, where he idles beside you.

"Oh? You want to leave so soon?" Your hands find his tie, gently but clumsily fiddling with it between your fingers. "But I'm really enjoying your company."

"You can enjoy my company whenever you like." Carlyle smirks. He does not stop you from playing with his tie. "But for now, you could probably use the rest. Allow me to help you upstairs."

You pout, giving the striped pink fabric a few gentle tugs, but he has a point. You are so exhausted and drained from the day already and now with the intoxication on top of it- you're barely holding yourself upright.

"I don't think I need much h-" Shifting your weight to get down off the stool, you fail to find your balance and stumble. The stool clatters and wobbles behind you, and your hands fly out, grabbing at his shoulders.

But a set of firm hands is there on your sides to keep you from collapsing into a puddle on the floor. 

"Careful."

You laugh breathlessly, and let your full weight rest against his form in relief. You let your hands twine at the base of his neck and sigh, relaxing against him.

"Okay. So. Maybe I do need a tick of help."

"Just a bit. But everybody needs a bit, sometimes."

You scoff appreciatively.

"You are so nice to me and so handsome and you make me smile so much." You start gushing words with your face pressed to his solid stone chest, lacking any filter or shame at this point. You're so happy your heart could burst- in stark contrast to the absolute emotional pit you were just languishing in earlier. "Kirby said that's a low bar, but nobody makes me smile like you do. I like it- it feels good to really smile again."

"Hahah, you're flattering me here. …But I'm pleased you feel that way." Carlyle says, seemingly not in a hurry to escape your hug. You can hear the hollow rumble of his laughter in his chest through the thin cloth of the button-up, with your ear flush against him like this. "I would be remiss to not admit I feel similarly.”

You’re too happy for words. For a brief moment, nothing else matters.

“...You probably don't want to sleep in this."

You feel his hands migrate back around your waist, delicately picking the knot of your apron loose with his claw tips.

Despite your strong desire to cling onto him indefinitely, he eventually helps you put your weight on your own feet again. Then, after you've worked together to remove your soiled apron, you wobble towards the stairs, guardian gargoyle in tow.

"Those stairs are a hazard for someone in your condition. So I'll be right behind you. If that’s okay?"

"Yes." You mutter in agreement.

You feel a heavy, reassuring hand place itself on the center of your back, keeping you steady as you climb the narrow stairs up to your loft.

Somehow, you manage to crest the stairs without incident.

"Nice little place.Very stylish, but not too visually loud." Carlyle says as he looks around the space, hand still lingering on your back as you stumble towards your bedroom. "It suits you."

"Oh, you're just so sweet…"

You cross the threshold into your room, the full weight of the day starting to bear down on you. You plop down on the edge of your bed, completely spent, and kick your shoes off.

"Ugh, I can't sleep in these, they're covered in flour." You gripe and gesture to your work clothes, not wanting to get up as soon as you’ve sat down. "I'll get my bed sheets fully dusted… But I don't think I have it in me to stand."

"Not to be too forward, but I can assist. If you feel comfortable with it."

"You're keen on stripping poor defenseless me down?" You tease.

"I meant I could retrieve some sleepwear for you." His dark eyes clearly fix on where your hands are working off your shirt buttons, obvious to you even when the alcohol has dulled your awareness. "Nothing untoward."

"I would like that." You continue to unbutton, a smirk settling on your face. "Or I could go without completely…"

Carlyle's lip twitches into a wicked smile too, but he quickly turns around and disappears past the hanging pink curtain, into your small walk-in closet.

"So. …In here, then?"

"First drawer on the left." You call.

He returns by the time you've partially removed your shirt. It's proving more difficult than expected, and you've somehow got yourself tangled in the process of pulling it off. Clearly a failing in the design of the shirt, and not a reflection of your ability.

Carlyle sets the folded set of pajamas next to you and stands for a moment, assessing the damage caused by leaving you alone for a moment.

"Hahah, here." He pulls it the rest of the way off. You can't help but appreciate the sight of his exposed forearms flexing to maneuver the twisted fabric free from your body. It makes your heart start to race.

"I thought it might end up like this- I was hoping," You look up at him with slightly glazed eyes and say, with what you are absolutely sure is a very sultry, alluring tone. "Tonight was supposed to be a date, after all."

"Hmm."

Your hands reach out, brushing against the edge of his leather belt.

"Don't you want me?" The words tumble out before you can stop them.

"...I do." Carlyle smiles warmly at you, letting out a breath he was seemingly holding. "But not like this."

"Probably for the best." You laugh in agreement, not even offended- you're far too pleased to have that confirmation to be upset. "Thought it was worth a shot."

Carlyle proceeds to help you change the rest of your clothes, mostly acting as a glorified handrail, as he stands firmly in place with his eyes averted.

Eventually you're fully reclothed, and let yourself fall back against the mattress.

"On your side, please-" Carlyle instructs, holding your bedding up while waiting for you to settle.

"Look at you, in here tuckin' me in and everything. You're such a stand up fella."

Carlyle doesn't say anything, just laughing and shaking his head, slender dreadlocks swaying as he pulls the quilted comforter up over you.

"...You're not mad, are you? I'm sorry, I went and mucked things up tonight."

"No, I'm not. It’s no trouble." He leans over with one knee resting on the mattress, constructing a wall of the available pillows on your bed against your back. "Things are still fully unmuckable. We can always reschedule."

You're so giddy, you can't stop yourself, and your hands reach up to affectionately touch either side of Carlyle's face where he hovers over you.

His cheeks are hard underneath your fingertips, like a marble baking table surface before it’s been dusted with flour. But instead of being cold stone like you expected, they're pleasantly warm and soft to the touch. The porous, sculpted surface of them feels good on your skin.

"You… You marvelous man. You still wanna take me out?" You whisper hoarsely. You'd jolt up and kiss him right here if you had any energy left. "After all this?"

"Yes." He finishes securing the pillows to his satisfaction, patient enough to allow you to continue drunkenly cradling his face.

You chuckle, and manage to raise yourself up, just enough to press your pursed lips square in the middle of his stony forehead in a quick, affectionate peck. Then, you release your hold on him and settle back down, snuggling into the bedding. 

"Goodnight, Carlyle." You say, already starting to fade off to the sound of him quietly humming in amusement and shifting his weight off the bed.

"Goodnight."

>> ✨ MASTERLIST >> ☕ KO-FI

[shoezuki]

It me ya boy alcoholic beverage, back again to scream about dungeon meshi XD

Wtf wtf wtf wtf. So much is happenin right now and I simply should not be stayin up so late (early?) to binge it T-T

Firstly Namari is freaking awesome. Love em. Strong dwarf? who knows her way around ore and love to see that she still loves her old party. Goin to check for Falin jus in case. Also love how she 1000% would kill Senshi for turnin mithril into a blade lmfao

Whatever is goin on with the gnomes and the magician blueprint stuff is sketchy as hell n I kinda trust the elves with that info more than them.

Tho tbh, can Marcille have it instead. If I met a dark magic user that was scared of bugs and genuinely loved her party, I wouldn't think twice about trustin em with my life. You can probably destroy the entire world given enough study time but you kickin it with the lads and tryna make a safe dungeon? Based.

Iconic bath scene. Love the sapphics havin a Moment™️. It's what they deserve. Peace and a heartfelt talk before everything comes crashin down around em.

The magician makes me angry!! I mean, they defo hold true to their name. Fully out of their mind. Would happily clock em for exactly 3 pennies. Tho I am hella interested in how they went from lil jester to obsessed with the prince n knowin all the dark arts. I wonder if they tried to resurrect princey n it all spiraled from there. Can't wait to see all that unfold in later episodes.

Also Chilchuck my beloved. Solidified as my fave. Jus barely tho, Laios was gettin pretty close. He acts aloof and disappointed but dude would be completely besides himself if any of em died. Feel like he'll try n scanper off once on the surface but not be able to bring himself to abandon them.

Marcille n the dark arts was a complete surprise like wtf. That's insane. But also hell yes, let the pretty elf lady go absolutely nutso and summon demons or something. She deserves it.

I know what Falin turns into cuz of That One Gif lmfao hut also hyped to see that all turn out.

Ever so slightly disappointed that Laios didn't lose his leg n have to get a cool magic one or something. N am desperate for him to have the sword looked at. Wonder if there's more to the lil critter or if it can help him further. Someone teach this man speak with animals, he needs to connect with the lil guy.

Senshi!!! Grand lad, not much more to say bout him so far but love that he's connected with everyone. N is intent on bein honest about everything he feels.

Love how the orcs went from standoffish to genuine allies. Love the sister's (dammit, I forget her name) attitude to everything. She read Chil like a book and recognises strength regardless of race. Also her fit is very cool lmfao.

Swordsman. Waitin for him to show up because wtf, he wanted to marry Falin?!

I went into this expecting a funny, chill anime. I blame you entirely smh. You made it seem so cool and lighthearted and now I sit at 6am with tears in my eyes because wtf the look on Laios' face when he agrees to go back to the surface. Not been so invested in an anime for a while!!! I stopped after ep 13 cuz my heart can't take much more.

I may have a brain cell when I awaken and come crawling back to cry more about the show as a whole or jus character things. Maybe screech about creatures tbh. I was genuinely distraught when the dragon ham rolled into the blood. Like wtf, I wanna see more dragon meals. I'm bein robbed of cooking content!!!!

~🥃

fuck sorry this has been in drafts for so long but. fuck yes dude i grin ear to ear readin what ur feelin a dunmeshi vsmsdvsudy. its so so so so good. feel free to ramble to me bout it all u want it makes me giddy

[xaeyrnofnbe]

sandwings or seawings or both :) they are my favorite tribes

awesome, yes! i have multiple guys here

sandwings

unfortunately i only have the one mostly figured out sandwing, but she’s the greatest so it’s fine. her name is Queen Mirage and she wants nothing more than to Take Over The World, and her current plan involves her rogue rainwing gf Hummingbird (who’s whole thing is making Evil Deals and selling poisons + weapons,) manipulating other dragons into murdering all the current queens in order to destabilize things. these evil women are very special to me <3333

seawings

i’ve probably got the most developed story with my three main seawing characters, Urchin, Oyster, and Horizon. (important things to note: all my ocs exist in a hypothetical future about a generation and a half after the last wof book, borders are tense and the seawings have basically hidden in the sea the whole time and don’t leave often) (also Urchin and Oyster are pretty close, Oyster having repeatedly protected Urchin from their mom)

Urchin and Oyster are the two oldest children of Queen Otter, but the biggest issue here is her heir, Urchin, is transgender. and Doesn’t want to be queen. Oyster? is also transgender. she’s also always kept to herself, and has been pretty closeted her whole life. and Urchin only realizes himself when he meets Horizon (they/them,) a mysterious loner who dresses him up and helps him figure out his identity, Urchin regularly sneaking out of the palace to go hang out with his hot boygirlfriend who validates his gender identity.

but uh-oh, Urchin hasn’t seen Horizon in a while, he’s wondering where they are. they don’t have to worry too long, though, as pretty soon he finds them. killing his mom (due to orders from Hummingbird but he doesn’t know that yet.)

and now things are different. Horizon is gone, and the pressure is on Urchin to be the new queen. and like, his mom was hella transphobic and generally just unkind to him and his siblings, but it’s still a bummer, y’know? so he’s not doing great. so basically the day he’s supposed to become queen, he quickly shifts attention to Oyster and declares that she’s the rightful heir to the throne and also implies that he’s making her queen now, much to the confusion of just about everyone, and he just up and leaves. he leaves the palace, he leaves the city, he even leaves the seawing kingdom for the first time, with a couple goals in mind, mostly to find himself for real, but also to track down Horizon so he can yell at them for a while.

and yell at them he eventually does. as well as make some interesting friends along the way.

below the cut is all the art i’ve done for characters mentioned

Queen Mirage and Hummingbird

Urchin and Horizon

[yagirlsanauthor]

Vadic Having Feelings For You Would Include... (Star Trek: Picard)

A/N: OMG!!! I'm obsessed with Amanda Plummer as Vadic from the newest season of Picard. Once again, there is a severe lack of any content for my lovely lady, so I decided to write a little something short for anyone else out there who may fancy her as well. Here it is, I hope you like it!

P.S. I’m sorry if these hc seem hella rushed 😭 since I’ve been having major writers block, I just wanted to at least post something 

Word Count: 900-ish

Pairing: Vadic x GN!Reader

Warnings: Some NSFW below the cut!!! Kissing??? ig. A little steamy but bro...it's Vadic, she's fucking crazy so duh. She's her own warning. Vadic is obviously gonna be a little ooc in this but whatever. !!SPOILERS FOR PICARD SEASON 3!!

~ Lets just get one thing straight, she would most likely NOT be gentle or graceful with her affection, especially not your first kiss. She's sporadic and a bit insane, so it's safe to say her affection would mirror that.

~ When you're both alone, or walk past each other in the halls, she will shove you up against the walls and attack you with kisses any chance she gets. And when I say shove, I don't just mean push, I mean, she would grab you and full force thrust you against the surface of whatever is closest.

~ Very much into forehead kisses tho for some reason?? She doesn't do it often, and certainly not in front of her crew, but let's say, if you're alone, sitting down or having a special moment, she'll always cup your face in her hands and press a surprisingly gentle kiss right on your temple. Though, she never really sticks around for your reaction, always whisking away to attend to some other captain duty.

~ Typically, when around her crew, she would either ask you to stand next to her, to keep you close, or at times, she'll ask you to sit on her lap.

~ She is not very fond of anyone, especially solids, so for you, being a solid, there have been many nights of reassurance and apologizing and fear that she may resent you deep down. And though she doesn't seem like she'd be comfortable talking about her past, with you, she's an open book.

~ She's fucking scary when she needs to be, and is overly protective of you always.

~ There had only been one instance of someone hitting on you, and it was when you first came up to the bridge. You had been on the bridge for a while, listening to her give commands when one of the crew members began to flirt with you. She did not like that. Of course, you had no intentions of returning the flirtation, but even if you had, you wouldn't have been able to get the words out quick enough before she pulled out a phaser and turned the crewman to dust.

~ It wasn't sunshine and daisies when you two had first met. In fact, you had started out as a prisoner of sorts for her. It wasn't until she learned of your severe distaste for Starfleet and its unethical methods that she had given you a bit more grace for being a human.

~ After learning more about each other, and creating a blooming bond between yourselves, she had asked you to join her crew, or at least shadow some of her top officers to learn the ropes.

~ And after that, you two started something special. A relationship of sorts. You began to learn each other, and care for each other in ways you hadn't thought either of you were capable of before.

*NSFW Content Below!! Tread lightly ;)*

~ Vadic is a total dom in bed.

~ She can't handle allowing anyone but herself be in charge in many situations, including the bedroom.

~ There will be times where she'll let you lead and take charge at first, but it always ends with her on top and in charge.

~ Kinks??? All of 'em. She would deffo be into tying you up or at least strapping your hands together. She would also probably be into spanking you a little, especially if she thinks that you have been naughty and need to be reminded where you belong. PRAISE!!! She would not only love when you praise her and affirm her, but I think she would get off on telling you how good you were being for her, or how good you felt?? Hair pulling is a yes, she loves pulling your hair, and you best believe that if you yank on hers, she'll go feral. She'd also most definitely be into choking you and playing with your breathing. Bit sadistic, but sometimes, she likes to choke you just enough to see you almost slip out of consciousness, then release her grip and watch you gasp for air. It just does something to her hehe. Safe to say, she's a kinky mf and is into some sadistic BDSM type stuff.

~ Having said all this, I feel as though I could see her having a soft side in the bedroom?? Maybe if you were having a bad day, or if you needed that extra love and attention, she would bust out her nurturing and caring skills and soft!dom the fuck out of you. Don't get me wrong, it would still be intense, but not in a rough and fast way. More in a passionate and intimate way.

~ Aftercare would be tricky with this one. Before you, she had never known soft, or gentle, or kind. So aftercare, at first, would definitely take some getting used to. After a few times though, I think she would get the hang of it and actually be pretty good. But real talk, I think she'd become a big baby after sex and would ask you to do all the cleaning up and taking care. It's a trade off between the two of you. But she would greatly reward you after with a long and tired cuddle sesh.

~ She doesn't mind being the little spoon, but I think she would much prefer to hold you, maybe have you lay your head on her chest while she wraps her arms around you tight. Similarly, when she is big spoon, she wraps her arms tight around your waist, and will yank you toward her, to the point where you can't escape.

~ And as you two lay there, tired and content, right on the precipice of sleep, you'll always hear a small, raspy, 'I love you' in your ear, right before you fall asleep.