#she's derpy in this game than she is in the show but I still love her

[runfast-runfar]

Life Lately

1/29/2023

✨ life has been very up and down lately. Long story short, my current therapist who I love so much, said her supervisor will only allow her to continue working with me if I get higher care help with food stuff. So I did and have a dietician and an Ed therapist which I’ve been doing for a month now, but I literally can not afford it. I’m spending almost $600 a week (and making $800 a week) and so I can’t save any money, can’t pay off my credit card, can’t buy groceries consistently… it’s just added more stress not really resolved anything. Plus the two new therapist I am seeing I don’t really like very much, they’re not telling me ANYTHING I don’t already know… it’s that I’m not ready to fully recover. And I hate that if I’m not, the way the system is set up is to have the therapists you do have have to stop working with you to encourage “higher care” but if I can’t afford basic specialized care… how tf is higher care an option??! Ugh. It’s a mess.

I have my therapy with my long term therapist I love on Tuesday, and I’m going to talk to her about it all. I’m really REALLY hoping we can find a way for me to do my best alone and then still work together (she’s not licensed yet, she’s an associate hence having to follow her supervisors authority to a T). But I will be crushed if I can’t see her, but I genuinely can’t afford more than 1 therapist a week and i don’t want to see either other therapist over her.

✨ anyway, that’s the shitty stuff. But other things in life are pretty positive atm! Work is going well, and I am liking it as much as one can like a level entry, out of college in a field they don’t particularly want to be in, as much as could be expected lmao

But I did speak to my manager and put in some boundaries with my available work hours (I was pulling 10-12 hour days bc of my commute) and so I now leave the office at 4 instead of 5:30 three days a week cutting almost 3 hours off my work day on M, W, and F’s which has been SO needed!! Proud of myself for asserting those boundaries tbh!

✨ I went running last weekend for the first time in almost 3 months, and it actually went great! Definitely slower and that is hard to come to terms with, but I went out again this morning for another 30 minute run and I am trying to just remain grateful running is back in my life!! And I am going to try running 3 days a week for 30 minute sessions for a few weeks to see how it goes, then increase it slowly if it goes smooth!! 🤞🤞

✨ some yummy foods lately I’m obsessed with; it looks gross but is SO tasty… mashed banana with maple syrup, pb, and cinnamon on top of freshly made bread!! And then I had steel cut oats for the first time yesterday and omg game changer!!!

✨ thea is her usual, perfect, adorable, derpy self (ignore my mass pile of stuffed animals)

✨ my brother is hopefully getting a job he’s been interviewing for for a month in the next week or so, and if he does we will be looking to move out in the next month or so!! (Hence needing to be able save money/have an income…) bc I need to not live at home anymore.

✨ speaking of saving though… I did have the plan to buy myself a ps5 when I officially landed my first big girl post college job, and they just got restocked so I bought one!!! So now I reallyyyy can’t afford therapy lmao 😅 I mean I can for $110 a week with my one therapist, not $600 a week for three lol

So that comes on Wednesday so next weekend I know what I’ll be doing all day Saturday and Sunday lmao

I bought the new ratchet and clank game and then also the last of us part 1 (the show is SO good!!) and I’m so excited!!

✨ I went to the humane society last weekend and then again this weekend and it feels SO good to be going back! I hadn’t gone since September of last year due to the new job and just the anxiety and sadness around some of the animals there for so long. But I loved getting to be back! I walked this 4 month old husky named Zeus, and then Oso I TLC’d and did some mental stimulation games and he’s such a sweetie pie ugh I love them all!!!

✨ today has been a nice, somewhat lazy day! Slept in until 8am and then went on a 30 minute run, then stopped at the farmers market for a few things, came home and did a 30 minute intervals and arms peloton class with Robin Arzon :) Then I watched M3gan (lol wild!), and now I’m watching Get Out while drawing in bed with a few candles lit!

✨ not thrilled about the work week ahead, I appreciate having a job a lot but I am definitely only planning on staying at this place for a year or 2 max and then I want to segue back to social sciences bc tech is not for me long term!

✨ I want to watch one more “scary” movie (or like thriller type movie like M3gan or Get Out) tonight so any suggestions I would love! :)

✨ well, I hope you’re all doing well, and have a lovely Sunday to finish up your weekend!!

[chameshida]

Look at my baby!! look at her!!

[shirtlesssammy]

9x21: King of the Damned

Then:

Things are going really well for the angels. 

Now:

1723

Abaddon arrives at an inn in Leith, Scotland and introduces herself to a confused young man as a “friend of the family”. She notes that he’s traveling in the morning to the colonies. The innkeeper interrupts their little conversation, and Abaddon makes quick use of the coathanger on the wall when she slams the dude into it, killing him. She then starts chanting her spell. The sigil on the door she painted lights the room yellow. 

At a bar, angels are drinking and chilling. Nerd angel decides to interrupt a group by telling them about how cool he is for getting picked by “Met Man” to head back to Heaven. He’s overheard by a couple at the bar. 

As he’s leaving later, they kidnap him and chain him up.They’re on the other side of the angel war and want to know more about his allegiance to Metratron. There are footsteps growing louder from the hallway, the music grows tense, and the derpy angel nervously asks, “Is that him?” It is. 

It is ...Cas. 

Meanwhile, the brothers arrive to see “the commander”.

They’re brought into the main operation room. It’s buzzing with angels all looking for Metatron. Cas greets them both with a hug when they enter his office. The brothers are skeptical of Cas’s new leadership role, but Cas believes someone has to stop Metatron. Cas needs the brothers to interrogate the kidnapped angel. MOC!Dean is game.

Crowley, meanwhile, is meeting with his team of trusted demons. 

He’s making it clear that the king is back, and Abaddon must be stopped. He asks for their “Yo” of allegiance, but gets only silence in response. Until Abaddon blurts it out from the door. She reviews the fact that Crowley helped the Winchesters get ahold of the First Blade and Dean’s wearing the Mark of Cain. She points out that once she’s gone, Crowley’s next on their list. She wants to team up but Crowley declines. She has no hold over him. 

Enter Gavin Macleod: the Scot from the opening --and Crowley’s son. Crowley swears he doesn’t care about the boy. Abaddon is willing to bet that his little foray into humanness left him with more compassion than he thinks. She starts to torture the poor dude. 

Crowley holds out for a couple seconds but way too quickly demands that Abaddon stop.

Sam and Dean are busy playing Good Cop/Bad Cop with the rogue angel. Dean wants to stab the dude, but Sam catches on REAL quick that the angel likes to boast, so he goes for a little reverse psychology. 

They both egg the guy on enough to have him reveal that there’s a private portal to Heaven now. 

Gavin, now recovered from the torture, adamantly denies that Crowley is his father. His father was Fergus Macleod, a simple tailor. Abaddon and Crowley reveal to poor Gavin that he’s in the future. He mistakes them for angels. 

Sam and Dean continue their schtick. And they get a lot of intel from the guy. They learn that the portal moves around and there’s an elite, secret Heaven squad (that this guy ultimately wasn’t chosen for). Sam and Dean leave the room convinced they didn’t learn a thing. 

Gavin learns that his dad sold his soul for “an extra three inches of willy?!” He does not like this turn of events. Crowley assures him that his dear old dad is the King of Hell so everything is good! 

Another angel opens the interrogation room to find the nerd angel stabbed through the heart, dead. Sam and Dean have to explain themselves to the Commander. 

Dean wonders if Cas’s operation has been compromised. Cas had real faith in the angels under his charge (and there goes Cas again with his faith in others…). Dean heads out to find out who killed the angel. Cas holds Sam back to ask about Gadreel. “It's not really something I like to…” Sam starts, before Cas cuts him off. (Sam, you never want to talk about your trauma, bby) Sam then tells him that it was like they were sharing housing, but he never felt threatened. He was misunderstood, but not a danger (well, except for Kevin.) 

Crowley and Gavin confront their past, each blaming their respective parents for their terrible lives. Gavin can’t even read! Crowley shoves an impatient hand against Gavin’s forehead and hands him a newspaper. Tada! He can read now! (This remains one of the funniest and weirdest canon demonic powers. Can you imagine some demon elementary school teacher just trying to live a neutral life and impatiently zapping all their students with reading power?) Gavin immediately warms up to Crowley, and further cheers to learn that he can now adopt the title “Prince.” Gavin would like to be sent back through time and continue nipping off to the new world, though. GAVIN you fool you’re already THERE and you can have hot showers here. HOT SHOWERS.

Gadreel arrives at a clandestine meeting with Cas. Gadreel reveals that he’s still sour about what happened in the Garden. “You feel misunderstood,” Cas notes. He thinks that Gadreel wants to redeem himself and that’s why he’s helping Metatron. Yep, Cas isn’t speaking about himself AT ALL here. Cas tells Gadreel that Metatron can’t be trusted. Just then, angels race in to attack their meeting. RUDE. Gadreel and Cas dispatch them handily. 

Dean has First Blade flashbacks while he researches, zoning out so much that he can’t even hear his own phone ringing next to him. Sam snaps him back to Earth. The phone call is from Crowley and he’s plotting to kill Abaddon with their assistance. When they hang up, Crowley looks up to a smiling Abaddon. It’s a trap!

Dean and Sam unbury a corpse to unearth the First Blade that’s hidden inside of it (yeah that was a lot already) when they’re confronted by a hellhound.

Cornered by the hound, Dean calls Crowley, then puts him on speaker. Crowley tells “Juliet” the hellhound to stand down. At least there are SOME loyal subjects left in Hell! The Winchesters chop the blade out of the body and head out.  

Gavin throws a temper tantrum about wanting to travel back in time and slams the door to his room in their suite. Crowley gets a call from Dean and tells him where to meet him to get the drop on Abaddon. 

Crowley drops the code word he learned earlier in the season: “Poughkeepsie.” He warns them that it’s a long drive from Poughkeepsie. Dean hangs up and looks troubled, but doesn’t bother to share his concerns with Sam. 

Abaddon smirks at Crowley as her plans settle into place. She’s about to be overrun with the Winchesters and Crowley - and she doesn’t trust a single one of them. She shoots Crowley in the shoulder with a devil’s trap bullet to nullify his AMAZING READING POWERS. 

Gadreel begs Cas to trust him. He didn’t send the angel assassins! Cas tries to use the attack to bolster his argument that Metatron can’t be trusted.

For Concerned Blue Eyes Science:

Cas asks for intel - not action. If Gadreel will turn spy for Castiel, then Cas has an advantage for his own battles. Gadreel can try to keep his hands clean. 

Dean and Sam arrive at the hotel. Dean spins a quick lie about how Crowley spotted demons in the basement. While Sam goes to check that out, Dean heads up to Crowley. “Love the crazy bloodlust in your eyes,” Crowley croons in greeting. 

Demons attack Dean immediately and Abaddon power-pushes him against a large painting and pins him like a bow-legged bug. 

Sam finds absolutely nothing in the basement while Dean confronts literal and probably also metaphorical demons upstairs. Dean draws from the power of the blade, the Mark glowing through his jacket, and pulls away from the wall under his own magical steam. He psychically snaps the blade to himself and strides across the room to skewer a disbelieving Abaddon. I ALWAYS forget that Abaddon dies in this episode. It’s just like…Crowley family drama, Winchester family drama, Angel drama, lol she’s DEAD.

After she dies, he continues to hack away at her body. Sam tells him, breathlessly, that he can stop now. Dean’s doing GREAT, guys! 

Afterward, Crowley reveals that he warned Dean about the trap and Sam shoots a surprised look at his brother. Err…awkward. The Winchesters tell Crowley that the laws of time travel require Gavin to go back to his own time, even if he dies. Honestly, sometimes I just sit back and think about how much I love this sprawling show that’s like...ghosts? Yes. Angels and demons? Okay. Time travel? Why the fuck not?

Sam plans to bring Gavin back to the bunker and magic him home. Crowley heads in to say goodbye to his son, but zaps away with him instead. In a park green, Crowley tells Gavin about the fate of his ship to America, and that he should go live his life in the current century.

Gavin bids Crowley a fond farewell. Crowley, for his part, struggles against his FEELINGS and zaps out. 

In the car, Dean tells Sam why he directed him to the basement. Dean knew the blade would help him take down Abaddon and anyone else who got in his way. He wanted Sam out of the way for that. Sam speculates that the Blade is changing Dean. He begs Dean to lock the Blade away until they need it. “No,” Dean says quietly, and we cut to black.

I Had a HellQuote Named Juliet:

No, we get it. You're a rock star

Holy mother of God! We're amongst the stars! Are we in heaven, then? You must be angels!

No one bends the rules like you two bend the rules

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive! 

[siodium]

REVIEW: BURIED STARS ☆

came across this korean mystery vn and i knew i had to get it bc someone commented that it had a similar feel to danganronpa/zero escape O: seems like i have a type

i usually don’t prefer to get digital copies of games but there was really no choice... i heard the physical copy is sold out in korea and resales are going for 200 USD ain’t nobody got money for that

i don’t think anyone i know is gonna purchase this game and play for themselves and i can’t share the game either bc it’s a digital copy sooo i’m gonna write a review~ please enjoy!!

basically the plot goes as such: the survival reality tv show Buried Stars was about to commence the finals of its current season with the remaining five contestants when the building suddenly collapses. most of the audience and staff members were safely evacuated except for seven ppl (the five contestants and two staff members) who are trapped in the wreckage with just their smartwatches that connects them to the outside world via calls (problematic bc they can only call a restricted number of ppl and the signal inside is shit) and phater (bootleg twitter). after trying to make some calls, everyone was then told that the rescue team would take around six hours to break into the collapsed building to get them out.

ok so they just have to wait it out... in an unstable building that can come down at any moment. cool.

then!!! they find the producer’s dead body, seemingly a victim to the falling debris!! they’re down to six survivors now.

despite the circumstances, voting is still ongoing and some rando on phater claims that the contestant in the last place will die as if the atmosphere wasn’t bad enough.

this is your smartwatch interface!! most of the functions are pretty useless with regards to the actual gameplay but it’s just fun to play around with them i guess

for e.g. you can change the background and ringtone but they don’t affect anything

there’s this feature that keeps track of changes that occur when you pick certain conversation topics during communication rounds and it’s really useful for replays!! too bad it doesn’t keep track of sanity changes in mc

this is the mc!! even though he looks like he would be a tsundere punk he’s actually very soft?? kinda like saihara but with a bit more spine

AND THIS IS MY BEST BOI GYU-HYUK

i lowkey ship them bc of their interactions alsjdkasjs jUST LOOK AT THIS

i was expecting there to be a lot of mysteries but given the circumstances i guess it makes sense to not have that many... there’s no murder mystery if it happened in an accident site and looked like an accident you see

a lot of conversation topics focus on the character’s backstory and stuff so you get to learn more about the characters while waiting for rescue (one of the goals of this game is actually to collect characters’ profiles!)

bonding through a shared traumatic experience sounds reasonable

did i mention that the cutscenes are fully voiced (either in korean or japanese depending on your preference)?? i played it in korean for my first gameplay for ~Optimal Experience~ but i switched to japanese in subsequent plays bc i wanted to be able to understand what the characters were saying without reading the text

the only thing that throws me off is that characters are given japanese names in the japanese dub but the in-game text still uses their korean names??? why

my boi gyu-hyuk is voiced by takuya eguchi and hyesung is voiced by shimono hiro (i actually doubted my ears at first bc hyesung sounds angry 24/7 and i only know shimono’s derpy zenitsu and troll ouma voices sweats;;) wOW 👍👍👍

the first ending is the same for everyone even if you picked the best options

they call it a “normal end” but tbh it’s a bad end bc everyone dies and nothing is resolved

after you clear the game for the first time you will get to replay from the start but your options will change so you can proceed towards other routes!! yay

oh yeah in case anyone is wondering this game is rated T and bodies are shown in the form of a silhouette with non-explicit close-ups during investigation so if you can’t handle graphic stuff it’s not too bad

warning: from here on there will be spoilers for the true ending and other endings!! stop scrolling if you have even the slightest intention to play the game

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collected all the endings after 30ish hours of gameplay!! i wanted to strive for 100% completion in achievements but i’m not sure how to get some stuff... might go back and try other options in the future

in the true route you receive help from this random phater user plughole aND I JUST LOVE THE INTERACTIONS BETWEEN HIM AND DO-YOON LMAO

idk if anyone tried to guess who the real culprit is but it turned out to be

my boi gyu-hyuk......

he had his reasons (not trying to say he did no wrong) and it’s just unfortunate that things turned out this way

while playing, i thought to myself... if there was one person i would glue do-yoon to throughout the entire game it would be gyu-hyuk... bc i was certain he wouldn’t hurt do-yoon

i was right tho... even in some routes where do-yoon catches him in the act, gyu-hyuk didn’t try to silence him

CRYING

i don’t know much about korean law but he has THREE murder charges on him whicH SOUNDS LIKE DEATH SENTENCE

i’m sad bc there’s no way to save my boi even in his best ending

plughole visits you in the hospital in the true ending!! he is also a troll irl it seems

he was kinda sus in the beginning but i really hoped that he was a Good Guy to keep do-yoon sane in the wreckage

and i’m glad he was

do-yoon looks super baby in his hospital clothes

he was not kidding when he said that his actions were bc of his sister (who is a hardcore fan of do-yoon) lmao

aaa the girls are doing great after their treatment!! they visit do-yoon too!!

yeah i also want to know why do-yoon is the only one still hospitalised with all those bandages when everyone else is fine but i guess maybe he got injured when he protected gyu-hyuk from falling debris at the start of the game

...

if you don’t find out the true culprit of the murders gyu-hyuk goes free and he visits you every day in the hospital aND SAYS STUFF LIKE THIS

ugh it hurts me

...

there’s also a joke ending (when you pick the “i’m the attacker” option lmao) which i appreciate a lot!! something to lighten the tense mood is what i crave for in games like this

somehow i feel like it’s even scarier than the usual atmosphere bc of how ooc everyone acts

BUT YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S REALLY SCARY?

there’s a horror route that you can enter by using the “laboratory” conversation topic on everyone and expressing how much it creeps you out

and the entire game shifts in genre to actual horror (like with paranormal activities)

IT WAS REALLY SCARY AND THERE WERE HANDS EVERYWHERE AND EVERYONE WAS ACTING WEIRD ASLJELKASJ i had my eyes closed half the time and i regret playing on my monitor

i didn’t take many screenshots bc as i mentioned my eyes were not looking at the screen for most part but i hope that you can kinda understand where i’m coming from with these two screenshots

...

the game is actually split into two major routes (A and B) which differ in who gets saved and who dies

you can only start on the B route after you get the true ending which is in the A route

unfortunately there is no route where everyone (even if you exclude the producer bc she dies before do-yoon regains consciousness at the start of the game) survives TT

if hyesung and seil survive then gyu-hyuk kills himself and leaves a note but do-yoon tears it up so we don’t know what he wrote

overall a solid mystery vn with beautiful graphics and enough routes to keep you occupied for many hours!! i highly recommend following a walkthrough bc it’s not an easy game if you want to collect all the possible endings and achievements

cuz there are minor changes to the epilogue depending on how close you are with the characters

i actually don’t play a lot of VNs but i feel like all VNs need the route map thingy in AI: the somnium files

my only gripe about this game is prob the derpy translations which usually isn’t a big issue (imo at least) but for a game priced this high?? i expected better

anyway that’s all from me!! thanks for reading til the end hahah i wanted to write a srs review but i just ended up simping for gyu-hyuk

[chaoartwork]

Multivoid: Chapter 1

A fanfiction revolving around 2K, Palindrome and the alternate Zims in the aftermath of the Battlevoid arc.

Based on Invader Zim comic issues 46-49.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hey. Um. Brother?”

“Sure! What is it, brother?”

“Uh...do you...um. Do you ever worry?”

“Worry about what?”

“Well heheh! Ofcourse it’s a dumb question. But um. Do you ever worry that maybe this won’t last forever?”

“Whaaat?! Come on! Ofcourse it will last forever! We can make it last as long as you want it to!”

“But wouldn’t you want to too?”

“....Hm. You know, that’s a good question. I always pondered about that. Im guessing you might wonder about that too.”

“Wonder about what?”

“Wonder which one you really are. Which one is the real you....Hey! I got a question for you brother! Let’s say we use to be someone. But an event occurred that made you become someone else. Someone grants you the second chance to be that person again. Will you take it?”

“Hmmmm. Not entirely sure. It really depends if my original self was better than what I am now:”

“Better in what way?”

“I don’t know. Superior? More flawless? I think.”

“You seem unsure, brother.”

“Eh I don’t know. Who knows? Maybe that original me was worse than what I am now?”

“In what way?”

“Mmm not sure. Maybe evil? Careless? Dumb? Pitiful?”

“Do you really think that’s what you were?”

“I guess so. You?”

“Mm. I’m not sure either.”

“I see....”

“....I know! Let’s play! Just like old times!”

“Like old times?”

“Yeah! Like hide-and seek! I hide and you have to look for me!”

“You expect me to look for you in an area this big?”

“Uh-Huh! But it will be different! You need to find someone to convince them to come find me!”

“I don’t think that’s how the game works. Shouldn’t I be the only one to find you.”

“Yeah but it’ll get boring. Besides! It’s nice to get to know someone! Even if there’s a chance they can be sketchy!”

“Brother, I’m not sure if that’s a safe idea.”

“Aw come on, trust me! I know you can do it!”

“Hm. Fine. How do I start?”

“Well...first, you have to wake up!”

———————————————————-

Palindrome gasped a breath of water, his body violently shuddering for a few seconds as if it was springing back to life. Within a second after it happened, the heavy sensation rushed across his body. It felt as though he was about to dissipate again, but felt like his body was holding back from coming apart again. He felt his weak arms wrap around 2K as much as he could to which he timed on when he was going to catch him, making sure never to let him go.

He did not know how long he kept his eyes closed for or whether or not he really did knocked out, but few flashes of traumatic images from the battle swept through his mind for a split seconds, despite it feeling like forever and wanting to cry out on making it stop. He suddenly felt a soft nudge soon after. It felt warm and soft, interrupting the pain enough to relieve himself. Even if it was just a moment. The one who was nudging him felt small and round, having a bit of puffiness to them. He gulped down, hoping to have the strength to speak with his heart fluttering in hope on who it might be. He weakly flicked open his eyes again.

“T....2K....?”

 The blurry vision showed him what seemed like a pale blue figure instead of a light green as he had hoped. The vision slightly cleared up until he realized that the small being was softly hovering above him. The fish looking being had derpy eyes and squared buck tooth. What was that thing? Minimoose? No. That’s not his name. Why did he think that was his name? His name....is....

His breath stiffened from finally recognizing him.

“Mini....Miniwhale...? Is it really...?” He shakily reaches out, “Miniwhale...?”

“Nya,” the figure squeaked in a concerned tone and moved close in order to let him be able to rest his creator’s palm on the side of his body. Palindrome processed to make sure he really wasn’t hallucinating. No, he couldn’t be here. He just can’t. How could he have entered the Zimvoid? There’s just no absolute-

“”Nya?”

The fish Irken blinked.

“Wh...what are you...? What do you mean ‘where have I gone’? Why are you h-?”

He grunt from the unfeeling sensation rushing through his body returning, causing him to squeeze eyes shut and hug himself again.

“Nya?”

He found it impossible to respond to his subject this time, focusing more on fighting it back.

It took several seconds for it to ebb away, letting his body fully relax in exhaustion and breathe heavily.

“Nya!”

Yes I’m fully aware my bowl is very dirty thanks for reminding me at this time.

But he did not say that and instead respond weakly,

“Miniwhale. If it’s really you...please,” his eyes opened and trace back to him, “...help me.”

“Nya?”

He couldn’t tell him exactly what he needs help with. His body felt so useless that even speaking would easily tire him out. He can’t even look around the area because of how blurry his sight really was. There was really no telling when the horrible feelings were going to end. He felt like he could throw up at any moment.

“Nya...”

His heart melted by what the robot responded. He soon after started feeling him float down and nestle against his body. It made the unfeeling sensation grow numb again. He took a moment to process and choked up a bit, realizing how long it has been since he has encountered anyone close to him from his timeline. He gave out the strength to move his arm so he can rest it around him.

“Y-yeah....I missed you too.”

Miniwhale responded by nestling against his body more until he felt cozy against his creator. Palindrome wondered if he was doing this because he was trying to comfort him during the ill feeling or if it’s because he was embracing him after not seeing him for all those few months. It could maybe be both. Nonetheless, he felt his body start to shut down on him again. He wanted to beg his body so much on moving again. There was so much that he needed to know. What happened to the other Zims? What happened to the Elder? The Meat? Where’s that Zib? Where’s that alternate Dib?

2K....2K, are you still here? Did you come back too just like me? Why didn’t Miniwhale mention you or the others? Am I the only one who came back from....?

His eyes grew heavy until they closed shut to give into the unconsciousness.

...Where are you?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Zim can be seen laying face plant on a messy table sleeping, his drools having covered half of it. He can be heard softly snoring.

“Sir. Sir.”

There was a moment of no response.

“Hellooooo. Sirrrrr.”

“Huh! Wah!” Zim  jumps awake with pieces of styrofoams stuck on his face and quickly glanced around his lab in wonder.

“Sir. School will be starting soon.”

“Wait.” Zim processed and looked up at the ceiling, “you mean now?”

“Yyyyup.”

“WHAT?!” He exclaimed, “why didn’t you wake me up earlier?!”

The computer sighed,

“Sir, I tried to wake you up for two hours-”

“Urgh! Forget about it,” he rubbed the pieces of styrofoams off his face, “I’ll do this later. Just don’t touch any of them!”

“I am aware of that, sir. You tell me this everyday.”

“Well it’s always good to be reminded,” he hopped off his seat. “Computer! Initiate my brilliant disguise!”

The tube shot down to cover Zim’s body. It then pulled back up to show him in his human disguise. He then walks over to the elevator and goes up to the living room, to which he can see Gir watching his TV as usual.

“Your in charge of the house, Gir. Make sure Minimoose doesn’t eat them again.”

“Okie dokie!” Gir said without even looking at him and changed the channel.

There was a likely chance he didn’t even listen, but not like Zim couldn’t do anything about it. He just continued on and left his home base, walking out to the usual casual days. Basically how it was everything day. Somewhat cloudy skies, some bird flying by with some of them often time hitting a house and getting knocked unconscious. The neighbor next door always screaming in order for their husband to clearly hear them. Boy does he love this planet. But it won’t be any better until he conquers it.

 He walked passed the neighborhood and through the streets until it took him maybe half an hour to get to school, many kids having already gone inside. He walked inside the school, went passed the halls, ignoring some weird kid who was in the locker calling out nonchalantly to let him out, and was able to go inside the classroom just as soon as the school bell rang. Dib can be seen apparently not glaring at him as usual, instead scribbling on a journal.

Zim squinted, wondering what he was up to this time.

“Zim.”

The Irken flinched and turned to see Ms.Bitters behind him.

“Take your seat. Class is about to start.”

“Uh, right! Yes, Ms. Bitters!”

He went and did as she told him. Again, the school seat feeling uncomfortable as always.

“Alright, class. Today, we’re going to-“

She turned to notice Dib scribbling.

“Dib. I really do hope your not trying to write out your plans on how to get to Zim’s ‘secret alien lair’.”

The class giggles by her comment.

“Uh, no Ms. Bitter. It’s actually something different.”

“Oh? Then you might as well either stop scribbling whatever creative fantasy you always have in that big head of yours or would you like to spend more of these dragging moments of class time telling us what it is your scribbling about.”

“It’s just...have anyone noticed the stars looked off today?”

“Stars?” One kid asked in confusion.

“Yeah! For example, last night I was checking my telescope to see if Zim’s kind arrived as usual and the stars looked very different. Like...very different. There seems to be a lot more in the sky and not to mention that most of them look to be bigger than the others. Has anyone noticed that?”

“Dib, none of us aren’t into those stargazing gizmos like you do.”

“Ofcourse there is, ask Zim! He always checks to see what his kinds are up to.”

 “Hey now,” Zim narrowed, “don’t get me into this conversation!”

“Maybe there might be meteor showers tonight?” One kid suddenly guessed.

“Oh I hope so!” One girl said, “I wish for a talking pony!”

“I wish for a kitten!” Another kid said.

“I wish to be singer!”

“I wish for a world’s finest pizza!”

“I wish to be a rock-“

“Well apparently wishing on a star is part of something out of a fairy tale,” the teacher interrupted. “In life, you won’t get anything unless you decide to work hard in getting it. Now that we’re back to reality, can I now continue this section?”

The class stayed quiet.

“Good. Now then, today we’ll be talking about the Schrodinger’s Cat theory. Can anyone guess as to what it is?”

—————————————————

The school bell rings. Kids screams in happiness as they run out of school and jump out of windows as usual. Zim walks out of the door mumbling.

“What kind of dumb question is that? Of course the cat is dead! Or alive. How can a cat be both dead and alive? that’s the stupidest thing I ever heard. Dumb humans with their dumb logical sense-“

“You have something to do with it, don’t you?”

“Huh?” He turned behind him and saw Dib come out of the entrance and walk down the stair to approach him with a look of suspicions. Oh here it goes again.

“You’re plotting something, do you? Why are the night skies different tonight? Is it part of your next scheme?”

“Gee I don’t know Dib human,” Zim in annoyance, “why don’t you next time use that weak telescope of yours to see what these new stars actually are?”

“Because dad called me to go to bed before I could analyze it more. So tell me, Zim! What are they?”

“Ok first off, if they were really part of my next glorious plan, I would not tell you what they are. Second, I have not analyzed the galaxies in a while.”

“Don’t you check the galaxy every night? Like, to check what the invaders are up to and all of that?”

“WHAT?!” He exclaimed, “HOW DO YOU KNOW?!”

 “You one time complained about them doing something that was bugging you.”

“LIES! ZIM WOULD NEVER TALK ABOUT OTHER LESS SKILLED INVADERS!”

“Whatever, man. I guess I tend to forget that you’re not too active with your ambitions as usual.”

“That is also lies! Zim has become more ambitious with his great conquest to conquer your planet more than ever!”

“You mean by studying those things.”

“What things?”

“The packing pea-“

“I knew what you were talking about.”

Dib sighed and facepalmed.

“You spent the whole night studying them again?”

“They’re very important! I must know what their purpose really is!”

“Zim, you told me this for like what? The thirtieth time? And besides, what makes them so important? They’re just packing peanuts.”

YOU ARE WRONG STINK BOY! Those packing peanuts had much more potential than you should EVER know! Especially that one time!”

“One time?” Dib’s eyebrow raised.

“Yeah!” Zim smiled, “that one time when I-“

There were few seconds  of silence. Zim stopped smiling and processed.

“Ok, maybe they haven’t done anything yet, but I’m SURE they have a purpose. I just need to remember what it was!”

 “And how long exactly will that take?” Dib crosses his arms in annoyance, “you’ve been going on about it for a year now. Mostly because of that little ‘incident’. And it’s because of that incident that not only do you focus on them, you have been obsessed about them more and more.”

“And THATS because I am getting closer and closer to uncovering it’s purpose. Watch me, stink human...watch me! When I uncover the power of those styrofoams, you can no longer stop me! I will be able to conquer my planets with my BARE hands! Or feet, any of those can work.”

  Zim lets out a laughter before running off to the street. Midway, his maniacal laughter turns to a yelp of shock as a car can be heard honking in the distance and then crashing sounds are heard, with one woman screaming,

“Hey watch where you’re going, stupid kid!”

Dib stares off at the scene and sigh in annoyance.

“Of all supernatural I could be chasing, why does my main focus have to be him?”

[disregardcanon]

i just watched jenny nicholson’s the last bronycon: a fandom autopsy today (or listened to it as a podcast as i packed boxes). 

1. i would totally suggest this video to fandom youngsters! again, i’m someone who loves knowledge of How People Do the Do, sociology and history of fandom, so i think that it’s important for us to learn about how people did fandom before we were around. this is a good rendition of the parts that i knew about and i learned a lot about the parts that i wasn’t already familiar with 

2. i’m gonna reminiscence on my own time with the brony fandom, because it made me nostalgic 

3. i came to internet fandom in the spring of my freshman year of high school, which was either when mlp season 2 was airing or had just finished up.

around that same time, our other best friend who spent all her time on reddit introduced me to my little pony: friendship is magic and the brony fandom because she was really big on it with her gaming buddies. i watched the first season really quickly on sketchy sites, and i absolutely loved it. i listened to fan music, read fic on ffn, and.. ya know, saw the sex stuff. the works. i learned some of the fan memes, enjoyed content, etc etc. i never wrote fic, but i spent a LOT of time there. i was a fourteen year old girl who was finally getting to experience the fun cutesy stuff accompanied by grimdark nonsense, and it was. kind of heaven? for fourteen year old me, pinkie pie killing people was like. the peak of fandom because it combined the conflict between my teenage desire not to grow up vs the desire to just go feral. 

i never wrote fic, and my fan interest dimmed down by the end of the summer when i got my tumblr and got involved more in pjo and atla communities than mlp ones, but i still have quite a bit of old mlp stuff on this blog, and i kept up with a lot of the music scene, both in the show and in the fandom since mlp has some of the best music, tbh. if you’ve never listened to discord or rainbow factory you are missing out. 

i think that what scared me off of ever getting more involved in things was just that lots of bronies were assholes (whenever i tried to talk to actual human boys at the high school about their tshirts they’d be like??? GIRL!??! and i’m like uh yeah that’s a picture of derpy the pony and they’re like GIRL!>!>!>!> and i gave up) but even though it probably wasn’t one of my biggest influences as a fan, i still feel like it’s had an influence on me. my VERY first tumblr follower had a fluttershy icon and we talked about her a lot. i even still have a fluttershy tshirt that just has her picture and says “yay!” underneath it from my very first trip to hot topic

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

HGPC 17 - 21 | Koi to Producer 2 - 6 | Appare 5 - 8 | Fugou Keiji 4 - 6

...only just realised I was missing some tags. They should be there now or soon.

HGPC 17

Why do I get the feeling the Sawaizumi family will be held hostage one day…? (Maybe I’m just being negative?)

The episode title mentions Chiyu by name, so I wonder why the translation didn’t…

Customer service! You can’t get away from it, even in COVID times…! (Impressive!)

Hmm…you can actually read part of the booking for the Smiths in the book if you know the kanji.

I thought the Smiths would speak in English, but they actually speak in fluent Japanese if the word “susume” was any indication.

Ah, Sukoyaka sweet buns! (from the other episode about the festival)

HGPC 18

Don’t burn down your house with scented candles, kids!

Also remember to use your knees when lifting heavy boxes! (<- says a charity store volunteer, who does this stuff on the regular)

These days the mascots usually have a human form. I wonder if this is implying that particular direction…? (I woke up today and was craving a certain oneshot I’d read during my scanlation days…if it is, it would fill that niche nicely.)

I wonder if the kids will recognise this Ashita no Joe parody…?

HGPC 19

“…since you were young?”

Oh! Element of Wind again!

Koi to Producer 2

This almost feels like Victor is assigning a school project to Protag-chan…it’s a bit sad, really.

It’s nice they let Protag-chan have a personality.

It’s fine if you can’t read the katakana, but Gavin’s name is Haku in Japanese, so it throws out the immersion somewhat…also, I know I shouldn’t be complaining – I’m the target audience here – but do these guys look kinda similar or what…? (partially kidding)

High school sweethearts, huh? “Childhood friends” is my favourite angle of a romantic relationship, but it gets so overused by harems it comes around to being boring…!

I-Is this Stand My Heroes…?! (LOL…?)

Can we not with 1st person cam…?

As cute and dorky as this stuff gets…how does Gavin never get found?! Does nobody ever look up in this city?!? (I thought Evolvers were meant to be a secret…?)

GPS tracker? That’s no better than large corporations using your location data…Isn’t that creepy…?

Hold on, when did she get his phone number? You would assume it was before this entire chase after the boy happened, but still…?

LOL, the English on the board.

This anime is gonna cause me some frustration, but it gives the good stuff in roughly equal measure. It seems to omit the fact you interact via phone with your bois for intimacy (in the game).

Koi to Producer 3

LOL, that’s so clearly Gavin…

By googling, you find out Uptown and Queens are in New York.

Ohmygosh! Did the creators know I love the trope where only people with superpowers can move in certain circumstances?!

Uh…his name is Kira in Japanese? Did someone read the katakana wrong?

Pictured: Depressed bishonen eating bad pudding. (…That joke sounds better in my head. I forgot what meme I was meant to be parodying there, but I had a meme in mind.)

Lemme guess…this man (I dunno if it’s one of the previous bishies with an identical face or a new one) is looking for MC-chan. *sigh* Update: Yep, just Victor again. To be honest, I don’t like anyone who calls harsh words “their sign of love” – love should be honest and upfront. That’s how it becomes heartmelting.

Koi to Producer 4

Okay, in order, it seems to be hexadecimals, Javascript (you can tell from the “const”), some kind of profiles which are apparently for human lab rats (which seem to have some kind of nonsense filler text), a DNA model and DNA bases (ACGT).

The text on the screen says something along the lines of this being an official broadcast of this man’s arrest and this man was a genetic researcher. Obviously, if I wanted to put more attention into what it meant, I would, but I won’t sweat the details this time (because it doesn’t seem to impact the plot).

The guy’s name is Minor because minor key (geddit?)…that’s my guess.

I started playing the game due to this anime, if you didn’t know, and I unlocked an expert in ch. 2. I thought he was Minor, but turns out his name is Spine (an older man).

The diary, true to form, contains details about either one case or several cases, two involving children. The bottom of the 1st page says “if it’s fake, I’ll laugh”.

Hey, I once told Crunchyroll I wanted an anime about hacking (so is this a dream come true? I reveal all in the next sentence!). Hackers don’t congregate like this…they’d be too conspicuous, even with the secret hideout!

The code in the top left appears to be…C? I think? (Note they declare “unsigned int”.)

Kiro sometimes reminds me of Masayoshi (SamFlam)…it puts a derpy smile on my face.

*blah blah blah I’m Key* - Wuh…? F*** you, Kiro!!! (There is such a thing as piling too much cool stuff on to a character, y’know – I’m guilty of it in my own writing.)

3684 isn’t a very safe password (says someone who once aspired to be in cybersecurity).

What bugs me is that Simon is a perfectly fine name…it’s just a bit boring. Kiro/Kira I get (a bit), but Lucien/Simon…? *shrugs*

Ohh! Based MAPPA! Thank you for making this adaption look great!

Koi to Producer 5

Oh, I got an SR in the game recently and it has a line like, “Only a fool stays up all night to do others’ work. Victor talks like that a lot…

The sign so obviously says “Renka”, meaning “love flower”. “Loveland” really is a step down from that…

Where’s Gavin’s guest badge…?

“Happiness Noodle Store”…?

“…the end of our first year…”

If this weren’t a Chinese work by origin (or Japanese work by translation), I’m sure Protag-chan would have gone after Gavin, despite being told the contrary.

Kanya = Minor. I’ll take a note of that.

One of the books behind Minor says “Gale Start”…hmm…

That GPS tracker is still unintentionally creepy, IMHO.

Koi to Producer 6

…oh. (dejected) Probably a beach episode or something.

What the actual heck was going on with Lucien…? It’s like he was having a tiny stroke there…

Lucien’s power is listed as “???” in the game. I thought he was an aura-reader when he said “show me your colour”, but that shield thing he did means he might just have various psychic powers…? *shrugs* We’ll find out eventually.

Running in heels is hard…

LOL, that’s so clearly recreating a CG from one of the cards.

This is the 2nd time this has gone pseudo-isekai. As much as I like to joke about it…I fully expect someone to be sent to another world at this point.

I couldn’t possibly see Victor on any kind of game show, come to think of it.

Appare 5

This guy’s middle name is “Rich”! That’s silly!

A boombox from the 19th century…makes sense, somehow.

I only just (?) realised Al has a tiny tie on his usual outfit.

Back to the beginning already…just start!

Appare 6

…I just realised Appare mouths “I got it!” in the OP.

Al Lion (sic…?)

Isn’t Sofia in that train…? Update: She might have been, she might not. Hard to tell when they don’t confirm.

This series seriously could’ve done with a dub…Even with weird hokey Hetalia accents, it would be good stuff.

These bunches of people at designated points…reminds me of the book I was reading while in Japan. The Long Walk by Stephen King (part of a compilation). It still gives me shivers down my spine when I remember it.

This “leave in the middle of the night” thing reminds me of the Amazing Race.

“Valley of Despair” is made-up, but Death Valley exists. It’s one of the hottest places on earth, hence the name.

LOL, Kosame scores himself one (1) prarie dog and two (2) Hototos.

I thought Appare was being inconsiderate at first…but he’s being considerate, in his own way.

Oh! I didn’t realise, but Saito Soma is Al.

Appare 7

“It’s not one plus one, but one times one!” – LOL.

Hybrid engine? In the 1900s? Hmm…

LOL, I think Al just did a hadouken.

This stuff’s like an animated Galaxy Brain meme! It’s amazing!

I managed to successfully predict – without watching ahead – Appare would catch himself with his traps.

Kosame with his hair down…is rare. Not exactly attractive because we have to care about the racers rather than lust after them (and the artstyle actually prevents me from doing so, because it’s deliberately quite cartoony), but it’s rare.

Appare is surprisingly childish…that’s what makes him more than a Sheldon Cooper, I think.

The spelling of the place is actually “Ely”, if Google-sensei is any indication. C’mon, subbers! You’re American (most likely)! Can’t you put in the legwork (or the Google-fu) to discover what place in Nevada this is?!

Subbers make characters say “shit” a lot in this show, hmm? (contemplative)

Now this evil guy here *points to screen*…that’s hair I like.

Appare 8

I just love this OP…don’t you?

I like how the steam/gas boat/car has Chinese numerals on its dial.

Kosame means “small rain”, so “heavy rain” is obviously to contrast that.

The Hototo joke never gets old.

I thought I just saw someone leave the saloon…

Nice hair + terrible face = bad equation.

I can almost imagine the wee-oo-wee-oo-ooooooo…wah-wah-wahhh…(You know the one sound snippet, right? The one theme from The Good, the Bad and the Ugly - or whatever movie it is – that maybe involves a tumbleweed rolling across the screen, and then a huge shootout? If you don’t know it, play a sample on this Wikipedia page!) playing in the background.

It’s convenient the prarie dog didn’t appear when Hototo (old) had his revenge spree.

I noticed there’s a bit of a mark under Kosame’s left eye…it suggests that he’s been crying (or maybe it shows tiredness from the race…?), but it’s not that noticeable.

So that’s the real Gil…and tose were his henchmen that threatened to hang everyone bar Kosame. Got it.

(notes to self) So, for charting a course with Appare Ranman!, it’s Los Angeles -> Death Valley -> Ely -> Denver -> ??? -> New York. Got it.

Fugou Keiji 4

“Daisuke-sama” isn’t “Lord Daisuke”, it would be “Sir Daisuke”, I think…but “lord” has a proper translation in Japanese.

The truck has a Shinagawa licence plate. Anime really does like Shinagawa, huh? (Based on ID: INVADED and this.)

I think it’ll be interesting to see Kambe handle this without HEUSC.

The board for Sanchome (which is equivalent to a suburb…or a county, I guess?) has posters saying stuff like “take your dog poop home” and “let’s protect the environment!” (technically, it says “let’s protect the region/area!”, but that doesn’t translate right. There’s even a flea market. Still, those posters don’t have any big hints…not that I know of so far.

I kind of forgot that dude was the gardener for Kambe’s house…er, mansion.

I noticed a poster in the kouban says haru (spring) on it. That’s probably the same one that Haru’s name is signified by, assuming that’s not in combo with another character or few.

Oh great…the sister is an overbearing one.

Ahh…he doesn’t like natto. So that’s the problem. Daisuke is childish (like Appare)…Note I don’t like natto either, but I wouldn’t run away from home (or similar) because I was fed natto.

I noticed Kambe uses shinseki (which doesn’t refer to close family). “Relative” is a correct translation of that word, I just wanted to check that word was the right one for the context.

There’s a green tea bottle by the sink…I don’t think I’d mistake that shade of green for anything else.

LOL, I didn’t think we’d actually get to see Kambe with his hair “down”, so to speak. It’s…an interesting look, for sure.

Oh my gosh! It cost him (Haru) $15!!! (LOL, cheapskate…says the cheapskate…*suddenly droops and stops laughing*) Update: Sorry about the sudden downer there. I was having what the kids these days call a “woke moment”…at least, I think that’s how they use that term.

…I’d watch that crime drama. It’s funny.

Just realised Kato has an older model of phone than Kambe does.

This episode was kinda like a Tokyo Sonata kind of thing, huh? The sensational in the middle of the not-so-sensational…”sensational” for this show, anyway.

Those kids look like the ones from Erased.

*lightbulb goes off in brain* What if the dog went to Kambe’s…?

Can Suzue actually hear HEUSC while Kambe is using it…? $2.46 though…that is cheap, in comparison to the ham.

This was the cheapest episode so far (about $550)…probably because it was an insight into Kato’s life, more than Kambe’s.

Fugou Keiji 5

The flag seems to be based on Cameroon’s (which is in Africa, not America) and the “Arita Kinen” seems to refer to Arima Kinen, meaning this episode is set around Christmas-ish. Credit goes to Kambe Zaibatsu on this show.

I-It’s a Humvee!

Polyadoll (sic)…?

The Poliador guy speaks perfect Japanese…(?)

The star! It’s a key thingy!

I thought Kamei was the 1st Division dude with the reddish hair. Turns out it was the blonde…? Update: Redhead is Hoshino.

Ummmmmm…he was reading porn…? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh…okayyyyyyyyyyyyy…

…oh, the costs for Kambe’s tuxedo are on there. So’s the cost for repairing the bike Suzue rode.

Fugou Keiji 6

I never knew there were so many money proverbs to be used as episode titles…

What is Kambe doing with his hands…? He’s not even using the computer.

Imura seems to use a Windows 10 with Cortana on the taskbar.

HGPC 20

What’s with all the Naruto running this episode…?

HGPC 21

(no notes, sorry!)

[katsukikitten]

Majo - Dorm fun

"What are you doing?" Katsuki asks as he flops onto one of the sofas in the common room as you sit crossed legged at the low coffee table.

"Focusing." You almost bite back as you stare into the onyx orb, jotting down movements, thoughts and feelings in your meticulous script. A snort fills the room.

"Focusing in a room that's going to be filled in less than five minutes with fuck all annoying teenagers?" He mocks, "Brilliant plan dummy."

"Yes, it is brilliant. As it will help me to learn how to block people out." You say, eyes prying into a person's life. Their deepest darkest emotions set out before you like a menu.

"Tsk." He grabs for the remote next to your notebook staring along the way, "Does All Might know you're spying on him?"

He flips through the channels idly, remote resting on his stomach while crimson eyes read your scrupulous notes.

"Does it matter?" He hears the grin in your voice without seeing it. He can't help but smirk as you've gained much more confidence since dating him. Still he can't help but tease you.

"I guess not, but be prepared to tell all of class 1A what the hell he's doing in his free time. Especially that derpy Deku."

You wave your hand as if swiping away his words.

"Not everyone has prying eyes like you, Suki." You giggle and he rolls his eyes, "Plus everyone loves the movie you've just picked. No one will be interested."

"Ah okay. If you have notes on yourself in there be sure to jot down *delusional* ."

"Ha. Ha." You say dryly as you dig deeper. All Might stands on the black back drop in his smaller form, with little to no extra aura around him like the first time you saw him. You notate it as booming voices enter the dorm.

Though you cannot see it Katsuki smiles a bit devilishly. He is ready to see exactly how this plays out but will come to your rescue should you need it.

"NO, EIJI, its MY turn to pick the movie!" Mina yells, trying to elbow Kirishima who's currently muscling his way through the group.

"No, I called the dibs after class today. A very important and educational documentary on hero history is coming on that Midoriya and I would like to watch. You guys need to watch it. It will help with exams."

"Uuughhhh that's what SCHOOL is for Ida!" Kaminari comments, "Plus and I want to watch this live concert that they are telecasting from the US."

"Its been weeks since I've had a turn!" Uraraka pouts, "Momo and I have had to stay up so late to watch our recorded shows. And someone keeps deleting them!"

"M..maybe Uraraka can have our dibs Ida?" Miydoria asks shyly.

"According to the calander it's my turn. We are watching horror." Tokoyami states, "Right Asui?"

"Right!" She croaks.

Their voices grow louder as they approach, arguing pulling you from the silence that is All Might's room.

Arguing so loud it begins to drown out All Might's thoughts, leaving you only slightly flustered. You try to focus on the visual in hopes the 'audio' will return. He sips his tea, lounging at his desk and he replies to piled up fan mail idly, neglecting his teaching plans.

Teaching for dummies and a notebook borrowed from Aizawa sit open on his cluttered desk.

"I cannot keep focusing on Midoriya, though he is my protege. Bakugou needs my attention, emotionally. While Y/N, and all the others have such great potential I cannot let my...."

"I SAID ITS MY TURN NOW WHO SELECTED THIS MOVIE?!" Mina howls as she stands in the mouth of the archway. Katsuki holds up the remote to be seen as he growls.

"OI! The rule is first come first serve. Now make the fucking snacks would ya? I've caught you watching this movie a hundred times, what are you bitching for, Pinky?"

"I...I cannot believe you!" A whine but she storms into the kitchen, she pops her pink head out of the kitchen to add, "No one take MY corner of the couch."

"Uhh Ka...kaachan."

"What is it Deku?" True venom drips from your boyfriends kissable lips as he stares up at the emerald eye boy.

"Uhh Uraraka chan would love to be able to watch her show, it starts in a few minutes and..."

"And I don't give a shit." Katsuki glares up harshly at him through thick long lashes before Midoriya guides Urakaka to their usual spot on the couch, despite neither of them admitting their feelings for the other they sure do act like a couple.

"Hey Bakugo. Buddy. I know you're trying to see this fight with me. It will be ultra manly." Kiri says leaning over the couch to try to slip the remote away from his friend's steely grip. Only to be met with a small, almost harmless explosion, "HEY! Watch the hair dude. I'm still trying to hang out with Mina tonight."

"Yea sure, that is until she hears that you didn't try to get the remote for her." Sero teases sitting beside Shoji. He launches a string of tape that evaporates in a series of explosions. He curses to himself as he watches his half baked plan go up in flames.

Your patience runs thin as you push yourself, you half hoped that at least half of them would go to their dorms considering none of them were going to get that remote.

Still they argue, so much so they barely notice what you're doing.

"Hey Bakugo. Are you at least going to sit up?" Todoroki asks, purposefully sitting next to Momo, "Its rude to make your girlfriend sit on the floor."

"What Y/N? Why are you...Oh." Mina enters the room with a variety of snacks on a tray. She sets them down at the far end, peeking over your notebook.

She gasps, drawing even more attention on you as you try to ignore her, ignore them.

Katsuki watches you with heavy eyes, gauging your reaction. He knows he needs to be protective of you. You often push yourself too far and if you had an attack in front of all of your friends you'd never forgive yourself.

"ALL MIGHT?! DOES HE KNOW?!" She snatches the notebook and you try to swipe at her using your peripheral vision but fail.

The entire class is silent, only the commercial can be heard through the entire dorm.

"Mina has a strong acid quirk but needs more mental training. Where she is strong in tenacity she lacks focus." She reads from the notebook, "Wow rude. I am great at focusing."

She unknowingly knocks over Sero's soda as she plops next to Kirishima on the couch.

"Are these his personal notes? I've noticed you kinda adapt to their hand writing when you jot down their thoughts. It's....scary cool." Mina adds, yellow eyes scanning the page. The whole class, aside from Bakugo leans forward on their seats. A few even dropping from the sofa to be closer to you.

"Y...yes." You feel their eyes, their hunger to hear about themselves from their idol. You've never felt their stares with such intensity before, almost nearing close to the weighted gaze of your boyfriend.

None weigh as heavy as his. Though Midoriya's is pretty close right now.

A shiver runs along your spine as it always does when the full twenty set of eyes is on you.

Maybe this was a bad idea? Your cheeks redden just a bit as their thoughts creep to you despite your focus on All Might.

"What does he think about me? Is he proud? Am I doing him justice? Am I doing one for all justice? Will I disappoint him? Will his notes be more negative than positive? Will.."

"Midoriya." Your voice is ever soft yet dark. Katsuki growls inwardly never liking Deku's name to leave your lips.

Those lips are for his name only.

"Midoriya." You say again, you can feel a nose bleed coming on as you fight the darker side of your power. It would be easy to slip into his skin. To flay his mind and bend it to your will through manipulation since he is leaving himself so open, "You might as well be screaming in my face with how loud you're thinking."

His face burns bright red, he goes to open his mouth to say sorry but all you hear is his mind.

"What does it say about me?!"

"He hasn't looked at your notes today for me to know." You say, finally snatching the notebook from Mina without breaking your concentration.

The class shares a look while Katsuki sits up before sliding directly next to you.

"You okay, my enchantress?" He projects the thought like you taught him and it drowns out all the backround noise. You take a sharp inhale before nodding. You smooth your notebook.

"Stop staring." You hiss, "Stop being quiet go back to talking."

But no one offers a word to one another. Bakugou begins to hand out death stares before Kiri pipes up.

"So Mina, the upcoming exams. Think you're gonna need a study partner?"

"OMFG PLEASE PLEASE SAY YOURE OFFERING YOURSELF TO ME EIJI AAAAHHH." You hear Mina scream in her mind. You push it away, leaning closer to Katsuki.

There is something about his intensity that is grounding, most likely because it is a consistent hum. His walls are always up and his will is awe worthy. A nice way of saying how stubborn he is.

All Might types a text to Azawai asking about his dinner plans. He has a lot to discuss, especially Y/N's potential.

"Its crazy she got two proheros who have great will power to lose their tempers in front of all their students. How did she evoke that intense anger? Anger I hadn't felt since..."

You stop writing, suddenly something pulls at your thoughts. At your focus on the black backdrop pulling you into the middle of conciousness. Your heart races as you follow the the sound.

A tune being whistled.

You near ever closer to a dark room as an old bed and cracked mirror begin to fill the space.

A tune you seemed to have forgotten until it dredges up bad memories.

Your rapid breathing becomes audible, you feel Katsuki's hands move to grab your face to pull you out but you hold onto his wrists with such a grip he might bruise.

You know this whistle, its haunted your deepest nightmares as you've lived it.

"Ah there you are little majo. I knew you'd come when I called like a good girl." You know that voice as you're sucked into the dimly lit room with a man much too familar. Though he seems off as his dead eyes stare into the mirror. Doing the same trick he would do while keeping you locked in the dark, seeing how far your mind could wander.

Like a fucked up game of hide and seek.

Your nose bleeds as you stare into a face you could never forget, even if you worked yourself.

You should know. You tried.

"I have a new boss now. He's a good guy pays well." He starts as if you actually give a shit, "I need you to do something for me."

"Go fuck yourself." You growl and its audible in the room you sit in.

You do not hear Katsuki yell for everyone to leave. He's never heard your voice dip so low.

So dark and threatening.

They all leave wide eyed, especially when he explodes the can of soda in Mina's hand when she refuses. Kiri practically swings her over his shoulder to high tail it to his dorm room.

"Y/N." Katsuki whispers in your ear but you do not hear and hold fast onto his wrists. He struggles to free himself from your tiny hands.

"That is not how you speak to your father little witch." A snarl so low, he jumps to stand and you flinch out of habit. Many years were spent in a dark closet, all by his threatening hands.

It is a wonder you are not blind. He laughs at your movement. Your heart pounds into your throat.

"Now listen. Stop being such a selfish bitch and help your old man out. My new boss is a powerful man. I promised him I could do some brainwashing. Some...rearranging on both human and none humans. You need to come to me now. It's going to be a great job. You'll even get to bend the mind of a student there." His smile turns manic.

"You know I can't control anyone." Voice still icy cold as you speak. Eyes beginning to fill with tears of blood as you focus on his shattered mind. One of the few you cannot work.

"Ah ah ah. I feel you poking and prodding. You have to remember that you got your power from MY WIFE." He yells slamming his fist into the mirror, blood drips from his knuckles as four sets of his eyes stare at you.

You yelp while his laugh echoes in the dingy room. You shake, scared, angry.

Broken.

How could this happen?

How could he still summon you?

But most importantly how did he get out of jail?

"Stop trying to sound so tough. I know your limitations. I know the temptation of your curse. My beautiful wife's was very similar, she told me everything. You parasite, you can worm your way into thoughts. Move something here, replace something there. Boom they've bent to your will. Just like you did to your mother and now look what's happened." He gestures to the empty room riddled with needles and rotting take out, "She's left us both to care for one another."

"Now don't let my wife's death be in vain."

"You...you're the one who..." You're shaking so hard, your quirk amplifying as you subconsciously try to force your way into his mind.

"I what? You're just as guilty. You planted the idea of a forced entry in to the very seasoned detective..." He shrugs his shoulders and you scream.

"YOU MADE ME. YOU FUCKING MADE ME." Items fly across the living room as your voice goes raw and youre hardly able to catch your breath.

Your father stands and does something he's never been able to do before, he grabs onto your throat in your conciousness. His eyes glow when before he was quirkless, only being able to summon you through fear.

He squeezes and the bruise appears on your physical body. Crimson eyes widen with worry, with furry.

"H..how?" You choke.

"I told you my new boss was a pretty good guy." He laughs, nails digging into tender flesh. Drawing scarlet half moons, you gasp, eyes watering with tears and blood.

"Y/N!" A whisper.

Seconds stretch into what feels like hours.

"You've got three days to find me." He snarls, "No hints this time either. If you don't. Well let's just say you don't want me to find you."

"Y/N!!!" Katsuki appears on the black drop beside you, eyes burning with hot rage. This is a fight of wills he may not win. Fear grips you as you watch your father look over your shoulder. You act quickly as you push yourself plucking the darling image of your Bakugou from your father's brain as you send Katsuki flying back to the living.

His eyes widen with an emotion you've never seen him wear before.

Fear.

So deeply rooted in your Father's eyes you wonder if this is all a dream. That you'll wake up any second. But as with all emotion with him, it is fleeting.

"I see you've found your soul mate." He leans in closely to add "Do not let me remember them or their death will be slower than your mother's. Three days."

With that he slams you into the floor of consciousness shoving you back in to your body as you claw at your throat.

Your eyes water as you see Katsuki. Shaking sobs rack your body as you scream into his throat.

"NEVER FOLLOW ME AGAIN!" Its hoarse and raw with emotion, so much so that Katsuki stiffens. He runs soothing circles onto your back as you come undone in front if him. Repeating over and over again into his tear soaked neck.

"I can't let him remember. I can't let him remember."

A/N Oops I dont know why I wrote this but here have it. It was originally supposed to be like a cute slice of life AU for Majo but I'm finding out I dont work that way.

[sparda3g]

Food Wars! Shokugeki no Soma Le Dessert Chapter 1 (315.1) Review

When you’re finished with your meal, you either call it a day or request for a dessert. Thus, the fans have their dessert that will be the definitive conclusion to the overall series. There will be three extra chapters in total, each releases a month apart. The first part takes place a year later after BLUE and yes, we do have the result. After color pages of “desserts,” the story enters the epilogue stage that has good promises for a delightful conclusion.

It makes sense for the series to skip a year since it does have a year left to cover. Instead of creating a plot, it establishes some of aftermath effects from the first two years, and it begins with a rather humorous end result from BLUE. Megumi narrates the story, much like any other times, and so, the story begins with the winner. Soma lost to Erina. Looks like we have a new member to be in the list for “Top 10 Protagonist that Doesn’t Win.” It’s Soma’s fault for giving Erina’s groove back. I laughed at the trophy size difference. Good game, Soma.

Soma almost pulled a Hitman Reborn ending, which almost terrified the hell out of me, by declaring himself to redo everything from scratch. Funny enough, Joichiro is willing to accept him back to the diner and run it, but Soma is far too hell-bent to defeat the Goddess Erina. That speaks volume that he can’t move on, even when he’s perfectly capable enough as he is. He even tried to redo everything and all he gets is a derpy look on his face, like “Why can’t I win her?” I probably meant that in more than one way.

The best solution is to go oversea and disappear for a couple of months. The problem is, it lasted over a half a month with no sight of return. Amazing how plenty of Shounen series like to have the protagonist disappear and keeps us wondering if he/she would ever return. I blame Dragon Ball for its not-really-ending endings. Anyway, I find it funny Hayama is getting Tsukasa’s treatment when he was running the Elite Ten; meaning Soma dumped all the paper works on him. Karma, I suppose. Oh well, they have an event going on, so it’s all good. For the record, Alice looks charming with that long hair. Almost like a trade; we’ll get to that soon.

The Annual Fall Classic does give me the nostalgia feeling; no pun intended. In fact, the chapter so far had the old feeling of the series in its heyday, where there’s no “deep” story to worry about (in more ways than one), and the sensation is relaxing and fun. The Polar Star has two new members, Takai and Terumoto, competing in the event. The idea isn’t to brew a new series or falsely advertise the next generation, because God knows how I took that in back in 2014, rather to establish the influence of Soma in BLUE. He lost, sure, but he greatly inspired the new generation or to be precise, those who are from “low standards” like a diner. It’s as if Soma has died for their cook; he’s a martyr. But seriously, this was nice.

I’m reminded that Isshiki and Kuga are no longer students; however, it’s good to see them associating with the events as judges. Tsukasa also arrives as well. Rindo shows up and immediately, my mind tells me, “How I miss this character so much.” Lastly, Shinomiya enters the stage, who I also miss. Shame that I can’t find a way to read the spin-off. It’s fortunate, however, to learn his dream has come true. His restaurant in Paris is the first Japanese-run restaurant in France to earn three stars. He still acts tsundere, but it’s all good. It’s neat to know Tsukasa and Rindo help out Shino’s Tokyo whenever they return to Japan. I would like to see the third chapter showcasing that.

I got to give credit to Megumi for handling the administrative side. Back then, she’d probably hesitate to death for handling this amount of work, let alone interactive with a large group. It’s easy to compliment when you have Rindo recalling her moment in Elite Ten discussion board, where no one can decide a single thing. I do miss this group though. Lunch Sets sound odd as a theme and everyone there called it, but it does bring some uniqueness to it. Bottom line, Tootsuki is heading for a bright future and that’s all it matters. It’s good to have alumnus around to know everything will be good. Again, Soma has died for our cooks. So, everything is heading for a swell end, right? If we go by Erina’s anger, then no, not really.

First of all, she has a new hairstyle, a short haircut to be exact. This is what I meant about the “trade;” Alice and Erina swapped hair length. That or Erina wants to replicate Zelda from the future Zelda game. Either way, she looks good. She goes on a long rant about Soma not showing for this month’s event; more on that later. I find her rant hilarious, considering how lengthy it is. It reminded me of another series, where one speech bubble consist a really long rant about her love interest not being in presence for her. The moral is, don’t piss them off. Amazing that she is the reason for his absence; can’t this pairing get a happy ending?!

The more notable note is how Erina worked her way to not only create the event, but also brought in the two transfer students; the one that was mentioned earlier. She had to show whose boss and they submitted it. I don’t blame them. She did it, so she can make sure when Soma returns, Tootsuki won’t disappoint him. While fans are recovering from fainting, I thought this was pretty charming. No wonder she got incredibly angry, though I do believe there’s more than simply showing up for an event. Judging by her rant, she has been doing this for a while, yet no reply. Stop keeping her waiting, Soma. Plenty of characters we know are at the event that is about to begin; this is sweet. Almost feel like the ending, but the chapter continues.

Earlier, Erina mentioned that she has dinner planned for the evening with Senzaemon and Mana. It’s nice to know that she and her mother are on better term. It also means Mana is more open to come visit to the household. As nice that all sounded, it looks like they are now rivals; the battle for the true God Tongue wielder. Well, it’s better than distance themselves, so it’s a great progress. Speaking of progress, supposedly Mana is getting better, but have a long way to go. Better than nothing. All in all, the family is getting better in health and relationship. That all being said, Joichiro was also there; gearing up for the next chapter.

Prior to this chapter, a Weekly Shounen Jump issue stated that the second chapter of Le Dessert will be about a past. Not only the fans didn’t know whose, but didn’t know how it will lead to it. In a way, this chapter surprised me. Not necessarily on whose, but how it ignited. Erina asks Joichiro about Soma’s mother, Tamako, and that leads to the closure with Joichiro preparing for an origin story.

Once again, while fans are recovering from fainting, it’s quite telling that Erina is the one to ask about her. Now, it does make sense when you remember she was there when Soma told Azami to shut it because he knows very well Joichiro was saved by his mother. She meant the world to him, and Erina noticed it. I can’t say that’s what made her inspired to ask, but it’s definitely a key moment that led to this point.

I thought this was a nice chapter all around. It’s more relaxed without worrying about a dark sinister plot. Therefore, it’s all on the characters, which are the better selling point. It’s also good to see how things are slowly evolving within the academy before entering a likely time-skip with everyone in their career. The sensation felt nostalgic; if only it was like this in the final arc. All scenes with Erina were funny and charming. The ending got me interested for the next, only to be reminded the long wait. Will this benefit the shipping? Quite possibly, but first and foremost, I am very eager to know the story.

[derpyslurpy-da-derp-master]

All the personal asks plz

Alrighty then!

1. Any scars?

Mhm, pretty much all the scars I have are burns. One is from burning the side of my arm on an iron my mom had  standing upright that I brushed against trying to reach something on the counter behind it and I’ve got one or two other scars from my culinary class on my hands from trying to put a tray in the oven and bumping it on the rungs above the ones I was putting it on. I burnt my hand day one of actually cooking. Yes I’m a disaster.

2. Self harmed?

Absolutely not. One, I’m too scared of pain, and two, I have uh… An unpleasant history involving someone else threatening self harm to make me do what they wanted, so… It’s a really sore spot for me.

3. Crush?

I honestly have no idea.

4. Kissed anyone?

Nope

5. Coke or Pepsi?

Neither they make me physically ill

6. Someone you hate?

There’s a LOT of assholes at my school but the person I hate the most is probably my dad for reasons.

7. Best Friends?

Mhm! I’ve got a handful on this site but my IRL best friend is @theansweris-a. She doesn’t really get on tumblr anymore but if you’re reading this I love you friendo and have a good day! :D

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?

hahaha fuCK NO. I’d rather not get addicted to something that can and will kill me and throw my money at people to sustain it. If someone offered me either I’d probably flip them off whilst slowly backing up and getting tf out of there because NO.

9. What’s your dream job?

Author/Illustrator with some VA work and Video Game directing on the side.

10. Ever been in love?

I have. It was with someone I didn’t have a chance with and who would be an absolutely awful lover to me since we weren’t compatible emotion-wise so I let it go. It was hard, but I did it.

11. Last time you cried?

Last Sunday trying to explain to my mom why our preacher and the church we go to has completely fallen out of my favor for it’s very loud blatant ‘LGBT people are bad abortion is evil insert other white conservative stuff here’ ‘cause she doesn’t know I’m LGBT+ (and it’s going to stay that way) and I was trying to explain to her why I would never say invite my LGBT friends to church because they would be mercilessly persecuted by people who call themselves followers of God then spit in his eye by doing the exact opposite of everything he’s asked of them. Yes I still feel really strongly about this.

12. Favorite color?

Cyan!

13. Height?

How coincidence, I just got it measured today! 5′6, FINALLY OFFICIALLY TALLER THEN MY MOM MUHAHAHAHAHA

14. Birthday?

November 17th!

15. Eye color?

Milk chocolately-brown

16. Hair color?

Dark brown

17. What do you love?

this is so open ended hjkfjfjkhgkjh okay then I love girls, video games, anime, writing, drawing, reading, and animals.

18. Obsession?

My top 3 in order of obsession; Kill La Kill, RWBY, and Kingdom Hearts.

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

For every single illness, disease, syndrome, disorder, and so on to have a cure. From Cancer to Asthma. Both because I have so many incurable diseases/disorders and because I know there are people out there who have things so much worse than me in that department.

20. Do you love someone?

I love all my mutals, friends, and most of my family including extended family. 

21. Kiss or hug?

I’ve never been kissed so I don’t know anything about how that would be so I’d say hug because I love hugs!

22. Nicknames people call you?

Derpy, Slurpy, D-Slur, Resident Cinnamon Roll (That’s my actual nickname on a Revue Starlight discord)

23. Favorite song?

this is like asking me to pick my favorite child uhhhhh… This Life Is Mine by Jeff Williams, it just means a lot to me.

24. Favorite band?

i know no bands by name

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?

….Okay, uh, this is gonna be really hard to decide because a LOT of bad things have happened to me. I’ll go with the more physical choice because I’d rather not dump too much of my emotional baggage onto yall. One time I was being prepped for surgery and they needed to get the IV in. (for the record I’m shaking pretty badly right now from thinking about this) They had to stab my arm with what they called a ‘Bee sting’ (it wasn’t a bee sting it goes almost down to the bone) that had numbing stuff in it and they were trying to find a vein they could put my IV in but they couldn’t find one (okay now i’m typing really fast so I don’t have to think about this for long) and they kept stabbing my arm over and over again. The thing is I have a serious phobia of needles that sends me into panic attacks, I’ll go lightheaded I’ll lose my hearing and so on. So I was trying to put a brave face on despite my parents not even being there but they would. not. stop. They didn’t give me a break. It was one stab then another then another then another. I was having a full blown panic attack, I was almost crying. Then they seemed to get it. They left me for a bit and my parents came in. My arm started swelling. They HADNT got it. My arm was being filled with whatever my IV was. They came back in with the beesting. They started stabbing me again but on the other arm. I couldn’t keep a brave face anymore after thinking they were finally done. I started to cry and sob and the panic attack I had that day was the single worst I have ever had. It got worse. They missed a vein entirely and instead hit a bundle of nerves. My hand started involuntarily twitching as pain unlike any I’ve ever felt before or until now wracked my arm. I had actual trauma from this, the night after the surgery I kept feeling ghost pains of the stabs in my arms, I had to sleep on my stomach with my arms wrapped around my front just to make them go away. I’m still extremely traumatized of this to this day. I never want to have surgery again. I never want an IV again. 

Okay that got away from me there I’m sorry I kinda was having a panic attack while writing that. Anyways moving on.

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

This is gonna sound cheesy but meeting @theansweris-a. She’s the sweetest and kindest person I have ever met in my entire life and I feel so incredibly lucky to call her my friend, though knowing her she’ll see this and reply with ‘No U’ because we always end up in a shouting match of ‘YOU ARE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’ ‘NO YOU’RE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’ 

27. Something you would change about yourself?

I definitely would lose weight. Not because of societies bullshit but because I legitimately want to lose weight so I can actually get strong and build up some muscle, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO OPEN GATORADE BOTTLES GODDAMNIT

28. Ever dated someone?

Nope, I’m closeted and have no interest in even pretending I’m straight by dating a guy, I mean I know some genuinely nice guys (all of them dorks) but they’re all just my friends though they are massive goofballs and I love them very much. (Entirely platonically)

29. Worst mistake?

I… Don’t think you guys wanna know that. It’s nothing bad its just depressing and I don’t wanna be more depressing then I already have been.

30. Watch the movie or read the book?

Depends on which is better, like I’d rather watch the Chronicles of Narnia than read the books because the books are honestly terrible but I’d rather read Percy Jackson than watch the movie because the movies are incredibly unfaithful to the books.

31. Ever had a heartbreak?

Yeah… 

32. Favorite show?

Kill La Kill!

33. Best day of your life?

My cheesiness never ceases but the first time I actually hung out with @theansweris-a IRL at the mall. I remember being SO excited for it but also nervous that how easily we talk to each other wouldn’t translate into real life and I remember spotting her walking up and practically shouting her name before running up and giving her a big ol’ hug whilst crying happy tears (I know i’m sappy shut up) and then when we were let loose to walk around we quickly discovered that we clicked almost immediately and incredibly well it was just the best thing ever. Like, in that one day alone we spent six hours in that mall just chatting and buying stuff and having fun and we left the mall with like three different inside jokes despite it being our first time meeting in person since we first met. Hi my name is Derpy and I’m a big ol’ sap.

34. Any talents?

I’m pretty good at writing, I can type really fast, and I can play the harmonica.

35. Do you wish you could ever start over?

Absolutely not. Things are the way they are for a reason, and even though I’ve been through a LOT it’s because of all that that I’m the person I am today and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

36. Any bad habits?

Yeah, I’m a nail biter.

37. Ever had a near death experience?

Yes actually, when I was 3 or 4 we took a plane to California to visit some relatives and I almost walked out of the air hatch one the way out, I remember this vividly even though it was a long time ago. If it wasn’t for the flight attendant grabbing me before I fell out, I wouldn’t be here today.

38. Someone I can tell anything to?

@theansweris-a and @my-words-are-light, they’re both really good listeners and have helped me through a lot of stuff.

39. Ever lost a loved one?

My Great Grandpa Ritch died shortly after I was born, there’s a lot of pictures of him smiling and holding me while in a hospital bed and hooked up to oxygen.

40. Do you believe in love?

Oh absolutely, 100%. I mean if you know me you already know that I have just ABSURD amounts of love in my heart and I genuinely believe that it exists.

41. Someone you hate/Dislike?

Wasn’t this already a question?

42. Are you okay?

Mostly, yeah. I have some stuff to work on but I’m honestly at the best i’ve ever been!

43. Relationship status?

I’m a Single Pringle

[medea10]

Medea Just Saw Pokemon: Detective Pikachu

Well, it’s time I talk about a recent movie I just watched.

No. No, not that one.

No, I’m not going to review Lelouch of the Resurrection. It’s been almost 10 years since viewing and reviewing the entire Code Geass series and thought it’d be best to sit this one out since I’m not a hard core Geass-fangirl.

Today it’s Detective Pikachu!

Being the derpy-idiot I am, I have never played the Detective Pikachu game. I don’t know why. Not enough time on my hands? I’m gonna go with that excuse. But that doesn’t stop me from watching this creature feature. And I do mean CREATURES because this movie contains many, many, many pokemon. And not just Gen1. So you crybabies who bitch that Gen1 is the reason why no one can have nice things can stick a cork in it and watch this movie. They showed many pokemon from other generations. Just to name a few, Sneasel, Snubbull, Pancham, Greninja, Comfey, Loudred, Ludicolo, and Torterra.

I’m sure Clefable was somewhere, just not in my sight.

And you think it’s a funny that me, the derpy-idiot who never played Detective Pikachu to watch this film? My mother, who is almost 70 years old mind you, joined me in this escapade voluntarily. And to my amazement, she stayed awake the entire movie and actually liked it. Yeah, flashback to when movies # 1-5 came out and ask her to remember what she saw. She can’t answer. But I digress.

Warning before I continue, I will delve into spoilers. So...SPOILER ALERT! I hold nothing back from my “Just Saw” rants nor my actual reviews. So if you don’t want to be spoiled, sit this one out. Also be aware of the trailers that they show before the feature. There’s a good chance they’ll play that FuckUp the Hedgehog trailer. They did and I just facepalmed throughout the entire trailer (along with several other failures coming soon). NO ONE ASKED FOR LIVE ACTION DORA OR A SECOND ANGRY BIRDS!

On with it Medea! Okay, okay!

We begin the story with Mewtwo escaping from a laboratory and blowing up a car that’s driving away from the lab. Fast forward to Tim (a young adult played by Will Smith’s eldest son Justice Smith) being pressured by his friend to capture a pokemon. He gets Tim to capture a Cubone.

Now seeing a crying Cubone can trigger any true Pokemon fan due to the sad story of Cubone and his mother. And they even made a joke about how Cubone’s wearing the skull of his dead mother. Classy! But the capture didn’t go well and Cubone literally attacked Tim. Thankfully none of the Pokemon games nor Pokemon Go go that far. After that failure, Tim gets word that his father, Henry has passed away and must go to Ryme City.

Ryme City is a place where Human and Pokemon live together in harmony basically. No battles, no pokeballs, no harm. And all of this is made possible by a man named Howard Clifford (played by Bill Nighy). Tim goes to the detective agency where his father used to work to get keys to his apartment. Now from the looks of it, Tim and his old man do not see eye to eye. And the movie kinda shows little 5 second snipits of him younger every couple of seconds for a bit here. After the death of Tim’s mother when he was younger, they kinda drifted further apart.

Once Tim gets to the apartment, he’s stopped by a girl named Lucy Stevens, a girl who works as an intern at a news station. Oh yeah and she has a Psyduck (who can cause explosions with his mind if he has a headache). She’s been on the trail of Tim’s father and his disappearance. But of course that goes nowhere since it’s been years since Tim has seen his father. In his apartment Tim runs into two abnormal things. One, a capsule with purple gas. And two, a Pikachu he can understand! First the purple gas, let’s just say he accidentally released it and it got outside. Apparently, it has the power to turn pokemon demonic and vicious. Don’t believe me? Look at Aipom.

See? Cute as a button. Now look at Detective Pikachu’s...

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

If your mission was to scare children so hard they shit themselves inside-out for a week, mission fucking accomplished!

And we see these scary fucking gremlins for several minutes as a horde of them are chasing Tim out the apartment, down a garbage chute, and into the streets. But then they turned back to normal. Yeah, nothing about this is normal. A Pikachu can talk to you and you just got chased by a horde of nightmare monkeys. Nothing like a cup of coffee to calm you from this. No. No amount of coffee could ever make this right. I don’t care what Pikachu the Coffee Addict says.

So Pikachu is Tim’s father’s partner pokemon. And Pikachu is hell-bent on proving that Henry is still alive by any means necessary. Only problem is that he has amnesia and has no recollection of what happened the night Henry disappeared. On another note...

Rachel Lillis was Jigglypuff.

That’s right. O.G. Jigglypuff in the movie.

Rachel Lillis also voiced original Misty.

Just stating facts. Moving on.

Tim and Pikachu end up learning things about this mystery little by little with talking to Lucy, interrogating a Mr. Mime (and almost setting it on fire), and sneaking in an illegal underground cage match arena. Unfortunately, the owner of this arena has a vendetta against Pikachu because he hurt his Charizard in a previous match. So he wants a rematch.

Remarkably Tim knows Pikachu’s best attacks, but Pikachu can’t remember. And then dude gives his Charizard that purple gas so it goes demonic. Yeah, there have been reports of pokemon going berserk and that purple gas is the culprit. Tim gets the guy to cough up information on where he gets it. Unfortunately another capsule breaks causing all the pokemon in the arena to go berserk. Thankfully all this resolved eventually with Charizard turning back to normal and a powerful water attack from a newly-evolved Gyarados.

Tim is now convinced that his father is still alive despite video footage of his car being flipped over and on fire. Tim and Pikachu then end up meeting Howard Clifford, the visionary for the city of Ryme. He knows what happened to Tim’s father. And through holographic technology shows them that it was Mewtwo that caused the accident to happen. Not only that but Pikachu was there on the scene and Mewtwo stole his memories. The reason behind this is that Howard’s son Roger has evil plans to use Mewtwo and is the reason behind that purple gas.

Tim gets Lucy to help them get to the lab where Mewtwo escaped from. Inside, they discovered more than they bargained for. While the lab was still abandoned and a wreck after Mewtwo destroyed the place, there were still Greninja and Torterra held in captivity. Pikachu hacks into the computer to see holographic flashbacks of moments before Mewtwo’s escape, including learning that Henry caught Mewtwo in the first place. Apparently Roger plans on manipulating with pokemon evolution and created the purple gas from Mewtwo. But then shit got real when the Greninja escaped from their pods and attacked Lucy and Tim.

As they escaped, Greninja went after them and was ready to attack. And now it’s time for Psyduck to step up. Unlike Psyduck in the anime with psychic attacks, this Psyduck’s attack when it gets a headache attacks like this...

Which then caused a literal tectonic shift. But we can blame that on those captive Torterra. Because they are fucking giant. We proceed in several minutes of Lucy and Tim trying to escape from falling to their deaths. They do well with that except Pikachu wound up badly hurt. But thankfully a herd of Bulbasaur led Tim and Pikachu to a place in the forest to get help. Unfortunately that help came in the form of Mewtwo. And then Mewtwo was captured by Roger.

After all that, Pikachu starts to recover some memories and realizes that he thinks he’s to blame for Henry’s disappearance. Which causes Pikachu to finally spark up for the first time in the film (well over an hour in) and also split from Tim. So Pikachu wanders around by himself (while singing the first Pokemon opening) and Tim and Lucy drive back to town just in time for a parade. Tim heads up to tell Howard Clifford what his son was up to. But then...

DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUN...

Howard was the mastermind this entire time. After being diagnosed with a crippling disease that has now left him in a wheelchair, he went overboard with wanting to transfer his mind into the body of Mewtwo and through a machine, he was able to make that dream into a reality. His mind is now in the body of Mewtwo, literally the world’s strongest pokemon. Next phase, release the purple gas onto the crowd of people at the parade and have people’s minds in their pokemon’s bodies. Lucy tries to stop it from happening by trying to warn her colleagues and higher-ups but to no avail.

Pikachu finds a clue at the scene of Henry’s accident and thinks he’s got it all figured out and heads back to town. Pikachu ends up in a fight with Mewtwo that lasts several minutes. With pretty good effects for Volt Tackle and other attacks. Tim ends up finding Howard’s son tied up in a closet. Yeah, Roger was a good guy this whole time. But Tim ends up fighting with a pokemon. Or should I say, several pokemon in one. The answer is Ditto. Howard had a Ditto. And since all Ditto can do is transform, it has been transforming into different people this whole time to keep everyone thinking that Roger, Howard’s son was the bad guy.

Ditto turns into Machamp, Aipom, and other pokemon to take out Tim. Before you ask, yes all of them had those beady eyes. And then to add more nightmare fuel, it transformed into Tim’s love interest Lucy. The best way to describe Ditto transforming into Lucy would be this...

Yeah, it was that creepy.

Long story short with the fights, Tim was able to rip the machine of Howard which stopped Mewtwo. And Ditto deflated eventually. Mewtwo now has his body back in control again so he made things right. Mewtwo turned everybody back to normal again. Then got Tim’s father back to him. How?

The night of the accident, Mewtwo put Henry’s mind in Pikachu’s body and lure Tim to help him with this case. So Tim’s father was in Pikachu this whole time.

In the aftermath, Roger Clifford took over his father’s business and is going to set things right with the lab and earn back the public’s trust (all the while Howard being dragged off by police). Lucy gets a promotion. Tim is about to leave to go back home but decides to leave that old life behind and live with his father...Henry Ryan Reynolds and Pikachu. Hey, let’s face it. Selling insurance can suck it when you can solve mysteries with a Pikachu and your father.

Oh yeah...

I ship them so hard.

This movie was...interesting. I didn’t hate it but I still find my own faults with it. There were several things that kinda bothered me. At the beginning, I felt like the acting was kind of hokey especially when it came to Tim and Lucy. But it got better as the story went along. Next, they never really explained why Tim didn’t really want a pokemon or partner pokemon. Was it because when he was supposed to become a trainer his mother died? I feel like I missed that connection.

With the pokemon...I know I gave a lot of flack for many of the designs when the trailer first came out late last year, but many of it was very creative. A good look at what everyone would look like in the real world. I just could have done without Mr. Mime and Aipom. But definite creativity with pokemon like Octillery, Snubbull, and Flareon.

And Ryan Reynolds...yes, he did superb. All of you hyper fan people that yelled at executives for years to get this to happen, thank you. And thank you for the casting agents that got him to play Pikachu. And thank you for adding the word “Hell” to the Pokemon universe. It’s out there. And also, thank you for having Ikue Ohtani voice Pikachu normally.

Despite all my irks with this picture, I thought it was fine. I did enjoy the twists this story gave me and I do give a recommendation to go see it. And perhaps one day I’ll play Detective Pikachu.

Pokemon’s Detective Pikachu is now in theaters. Oh yeah and they also give out Pokemon Trading Cards at the theaters too. You know, just like in the good old days. I got Pikachu, Psyduck, and Jigglypuff.

[koreanstudentiseul]

My Language Learning Experience (2006-2019)

Hello~ as requested, here is my language journey/experience post. So fair warning this is a very long post. Way longer than I meant it to be, but I did warn this when you guys asked for it so I’m sorry in advance.

For this, I’m going chronologically, but I’ll mark it clearly if you wanna just read specific bits, I don’t blame anyone who wants to skip sections it is a lot of text. With that said, let’s begin~

1st: Spanish.

My first experience learning language was in Primary school, at aged 10 (due to a late birthday) when we were surprised by a sparkly new class that wasn’t offered in the school before. Spanish. I don’t remember much from this point being nearly 14 years ago but I remember finding the class difficult because the teacher wasn’t very approachable and seemed to play favourites. At least in the context of only helping certain pupils rather than all the pupils. I picked up a few things, like 1-10 and some animal names but that was about it.

I continued Spanish in High school as it was a mandatory subject in the first 2 years, I learned more from these classes mostly I think because they were more used to teaching the subject but I can’t say that with any certainty. I have mixed memories from this time as we were forced to endless exercises that didn’t explain anything, yes/no style corrections which don’t help anyone, and my teacher told me off for knowing the answer (I still remember this clearly, she asked what the word for fish was, I said pez. Then she asked what the plural was, I said peces and she scolded me for knowing that. To this day, I don’t know why) so that was traumatising for me and meant I didn’t speak up in class again for well over a year.

At this point I’m 4 years-ish into Spanish and I think I’m doing okay, I can do the homework and the exercises with minimal issue (not always correct, but was done in a reasonable time) and we get to picking our subjects for our exams. At which point, my teacher who was talking to everyone about their choices as most did (this was to explain the exam courses and what to expect so you know what you’re choosing, which I think was a nice thing but they stopped doing this sadly) and when it was my turn, it was “implied” that if I picked the subject I wouldn’t be allowed to take the class. I was told that I wasn’t smart enough to pass so I couldn’t take either language course and that I’d to pick another department.

This knocked any confidence I had with languages, I thought I’d been doing okay, at parents night I always had good comments so I don’t know what prompted this delightful comment. And with it being their word against mine I couldn’t prove it was said, but I knew the school would have sided with them anyway. This is also the reason I have Spanish as a want to learn rather than can speak because aside from my fish trauma, I can count to 99 and do basic insa chitchat and that’s all I retained. Oh and the words for library and sharpener, because my favourite place is a library and un sacapuntas is just something that’s always amused me for reasons unknown.

2nd: Korean

So, fun fact, I’m surprised that Korean’s here because I actually had been counting it as 3rd until I actually thought about it for this. My derpiness aside, Korean comes in at the beginning of my 5th year so would be late 2011 (Our school year starts mid-August) when my friend introduced me to K-Pop and oh boy my mp3 player has never looked the same since. It was a serious exam year, so no great progress was possible, especially with trying to get into college. I didn’t find TTMIK till much later than this but for this point in time, I found the lyrics on live performances really intriguing. I mean it’s nothing I was used to seeing on our equivalent shows, they never had the lyrics up for songs, in fact I don’t remember them telling you the artist half the time was towards the end of their broadcasting time. That tangent aside, the words just looked really beautiful and by September that year I was enamoured by the sound of the language, so I started looking up things about Korean in between the onslaught of homework and assessments. Also according to old social media I was subconsciously singing it from the December onwards, so good to know that that was always a thing I did. It took me until March to be able to read enough to write and even then it crude as anything. There’s very little trace of anything from that time but I struggle to read what there is.

Sadly this is where things end here for now, exams and getting into college and having space to breathe after years of being up till 2am trying to get all my work done and not having weekends cause I had to study too kind of pushed it to the back burner. What can I say, it was the first actually free summer I’d had in 5 years and I wanted it to be a detox before college started just in case it was the same set up of no sleep. And then I bumped into the aforementioned Spanish teacher again over the summer who made a comment to the effect of “Bet you’re glad you didn’t take Spanish, otherwise you’d have a nasty fail on your results.” Which for one annoyed me because it implied I had any say in the matter, but also removed any confidence I had regained since our last encounter.

3rd: Japanese

Now this is going to be really underwhelming, you’ve been warned. So I picked up Japanese in exam season 2012 (’cause I clearly didn’t have enough going on) and if I recall correctly used Japanesepod101 for it. I just followed their podcasts so I never learned to read just speaking/listening really. I suppose the 3 alphabets scared me off some, still kinda does scare me but I have a plan of action now so it’s a long term goal rather than wishful/fearful thinking. Still not sure what prompted this though, maybe an anime revival, or just finally caving since I’d wanted to for years.

Anyway, I got through the most basic level on JP101, and a little into the next one when as previous stated getting into college/return of the Spanish teacher caused a little bit of a crisis and I fell away from languages. I also have retained basically no Japanese, and this bothers me so I look forward to getting back to where I was.

2nd (again): Korean

Oh hi, Korean’s back again. Okay this time it’s gonna be a little longer, this goes up until the day I’m posting this. So I picked Korean back up in 2013. At this point I found TTMIK (through yahoo answers would you believe, they hadn’t come up in my search for learning Korean back then). I did level 1 and then I think only got to lesson 4 of level 2 before college hit like a tonne of bricks. And then we have another gap.

We come back in yet again in 2017. I never stopped listening to K-pop, sorta dipped in and out of dramas in that time very lazily, but didn’t really learn anything between 2013-2017. I had to reteach myself to read because it was really hazy and only half remembered, no surprise though it had been more than 5 years since I’d really touched on it at that point.

So once I could comfortably read again, I was confident to go ahead and redo level 1. I did all 25 lessons in 2 weeks. Level 2 however, that caused more trouble. Admittedly I was really ill at this point, I actually had to stop working because of it so level 2 was a lot slower than I wanted or even expected. I knew it was basically new ground in level 2 but even so it was difficult to see the time between lessons, and how much work it was to understand lessons progressively increasing.

I had hoped to get it done in 6 weeks, but it took about a year. Even now some things I still struggle with and get muddled, though it’s getting better with time which is reassuring. At this point my motivation was crippled. I wasn’t progressing, I was barely looking at Korean and I honestly thought about quitting. It also wasn’t helping that the studygram that had once been an ally turned foe showing me all the work everyone else was doing while I was doing nothing at all.

I have now since learned that it doesn’t have to be something demotivating. If someone wants to study 13 hours a day, fantastic! But that’s not for me. Some days are easier than others, I am still in recovery and that’s okay. Some days I can do 4 hours no trouble, others 5 minutes seems impossible. But I should have days off, I shouldn’t make myself ill worrying about studying. I should have time for games, and painting, and wandering round the woods with my camera, and general self care things.

In saying this, I’m guilty of saying this then ignoring it. Especially since I started using italki, where I’d have to learn 100 words, write a presentation and answer 30 questions in a week. I should push myself to try and do the homework, but at the same time, I have other things to do too and I shouldn’t torture myself with cramming homework and nothing else cause it takes so long to try and do the stuff that’s physically handed in let alone anything else.

Don’t get me wrong I love my tutor, she’s the only person who has me laughing at my mistakes, has me trying to use the language because I was terrified of doing that before. Well, I still somewhat am, but it’s getting better. Sometimes the workload is a little crazy, funny how I wanted homework now I just want to throw it all away and just do what I feel I need with the language between lessons. Not sure if it’s a phase or the initial excitement’s wore off and it’s not like wading quicksand.

So, before I start rambling I’m going to have a tl;dr summery here in regards to Korean this year.

The good from this year is hands down the studygram/studyblr community. Before I was annoying people talking about or posting about studying Korean, and these communities offered me a safe welcoming place to be where I could discuss what I was learning, and even get help when needed. I will always be eternally grateful to those who answer my questions in relation to anything, be it being unable to read handwriting, or grammar, or vocab confusion or something as simple as recommendations.

Slightly less good, no fault of Korean admittedly, probably is the difficulty in understanding and retaining information. Most of it is down to being ill. The rest, just generally me being confused because the way our schools teach English, so I don’t really know the different word classes and the rules for each. I can’t look at a word and be like, that’s an adverb, or even if I’m told ‘oh this is and adjective’ I really don’t know what to do with that information. I can do noun, and verb that’s about it. Not for lack of trying though, I have since tried to teach myself, and I have a cheat sheet but I can’t use that in a conversation so hardly a great use. It also means forming sentences is quite tricky, since if one type of word must follow another to be grammatically correct, or even make sense I have no clue about it.

Even further from good, and not something I like to dwell on too long, I feel like I’m cheating with Korean 95% of the time. With Spanish, I never had to double check anything, I could form sentences, and say what I wanted with what I knew and it was fine, but with Korean, it’s like the exactly opposite. I don’t trust myself to write anything without quadruple checking it. I wish I could just write sentences and just look up words/grammar as I need them but no every word of every sentence and even then it’s still flooded with mistakes which doesn’t help me try and wean bad habits.

So yeah I think that about wraps up Korean, but it doesn’t sound particularly good in this explanation. Hopefully next year it’s better.

4th: Turkish

Langjam number 1 (for me), and I had Turkish. Delightful experience, granted I was very ill. I had the flu that weekend because of course it had to hit that weekend, I’m not allowed to have plans apparently. But it was fun, I learned how much of a time sink grammatical concepts are. I feel like all I did was learn grammar that weekend, and I don’t remember any of it, but I still have the sentence I made at the end of the weekend:

“Merhaba, adım Rosie. Hastayım bu yüzden fazla çalışmadım. Ama, Türkçe çalışmaktan mutluyum.”

Not going to lie, all I remember clearly is Merhaba, but that’s better than nothing. I would love to go back and do it properly, or at least without the flu. One of my best friends, a very sweet bean is from Turkey and I’d love to be able to try and speak to them in Turkish a little since they speak English every day for me and yeah I’d love to be able to chat to them a little (though I still can’t type it on my laptop properly so that should perhaps be task one on returning to it).

I don’t know when I’ll go back to Turkish, but I kept all my resources and my notebook so it should be good when I do. Perhaps when I get to an intermediate level in Korean Turkish can resurface, though don’t hold me to that I may just wanna do it randomly. 

That’s it for now! Bet you’re glad you don’t have to read anymore of my boring language past ;) If I missed anything, or didn’t entirely answer the question you asked, just let me know and I’ll try and get back to you as soon as possible.  Thank you for reading, have some cookies and happy learning~ ♡

[poisonedapples]

Fanders Pride

Hey, my name is Sparrow, he/they, and I’m an aromantic ace-spec (autochorissexual) person who is still very confused about their gender identity. I’ve been a Fander literally since Thomas’ Vine days, so for the “Fander Pride Meetup” that is today to celebrate LGBT+ pride in our community, I want to talk about my own identities and how I found out about them. Sometimes it’s a happy story, sometimes it is not, but despite any kind of hardship that comes with accepting yourself, I’d like to show some of my very own Pride. By doing it in the most elaborate, dramatic way possible because I have no chill and also I’m sorry that I’m on mobile and can’t put a cut. Enjoy your never-ending scrolling that I also barely proofread~ 🌈

I’m also gonna put it into neat little categories because I’m like that.

Sexual Orientation,

Ace-spec: Someone who falls on the Asexual spectrum

Autochorissexual: a disconnection between oneself and a sexual target/object of arousal; may involve sexual fantasies or arousal in response to erotica or pornography, but lacking any desire to be a participant in the sexual activities therein

At first, I was going to put this story after my aromantic one, but this one is so much shorter and a lot less dramatic, so it’s gonna go first instead. It was a lot easier to notice that I was ace-spec once I had a word for never feeling sexual attraction towards any actual people. LJ helped me realize this, because he explained what “autochorissexual” was to an anon, and my entire brain just clicked. It was like I immediately realized that I had never had any sexual feeling towards anyone either. People in media (and much more graphic things I’m not going to go into) were the only times I had really felt that kind of “attraction”. Even then, I didn’t really think that they were very hot, just kind of aesthetically pleasing? It’s hard to explain, but since I tried to get most of my information on my sexuality from the internet and how I felt about people in those kinds of...18+ areas, I thought that I liked girls a lot better than the boys. Boys with their shirts off was just...weird, still is weird, but girls were always really pretty looking. So just like with romantic orientation, I took this as a sign that I was gay.

Basically I’m just an idiot that doesn’t research correctly.

But even before that, I had my little hints of suspicion that I may be ace-spec. Most commonly I would start to question if I may be demisexual, but I also confused “romantic orientation” with “sexual” a lot, so I took my “I hardly feel any attraction towards people” as “it takes a bond for me to get sexual feelings”. But even then, it didn’t really click in my head with the label demisexual, so it came and went really fast.

Ace-spec identities really do need to be talked about more, even if some of them may seem “ridiculous” to outsiders. When I first came out as ace-spec (gonna say that instead because I am fully aware “autochorissexual” is a mouthful), it was an actual weight lifted. Because not only from my own trauma and the anxiety of “how do you even do the do in real life?”, it felt so much better to just not be worried about doing something I wasn’t interested in. I’m ace-spec, all my friends know this, and I’ve learned that any kind of relationship can be long-term with no sexual feelings. And honestly, that is a great thought.

Gender Identity,

I remember when I was a kid, me and my sister would play a Fable game at my uncle’s house. One where the younger sibling, whether you played as a boy or a girl, would always be named Sparrow. From the first time I heard that name in that game, I loved it. Me and the few friends I had on my street would all play games of pretend, and we could choose our own names. No matter what, I would always go with Sparrow. I always adored that name a thousand times more than I did my birth name, I’ve always hated my birth name. I told myself for a long time that it was because it had no meaning, and was ridiculously generic. But I realized later that it was also because it was very feminine. It didn’t really feel like me, and although people kept insisting my birth name was a beautiful name...I didn’t like it.

I’ve always just felt disconnected from the label of being a “girl”. People would say something about girls or targeted to girls, and most of the time I would have to tell myself “that means you”. Being a girl felt wrong, doing girly things felt wrong, so I avoided most feminine things to my mom’s annoyance. I felt like I shouldn’t allow myself to be girly to the feminine things I did enjoy, like they were some forbidden art from another world. I’d forget that I was supposed to be a part of that world, and I had to remind myself that no one would think it was weird if a “girl” wanted a girly shirt, or to play with dolls, and that it was actually encouraged. I just kept trying to fit myself into the box of “tomboy” because it fit better than “girly girl”. It still wasn’t very me, but I liked the more “masculine” things over the feminine, so I figured that it was better that way. And I’m a very gray person, I very rarely have black and white views, so it kinda makes sense I didn’t fit perfectly into one box honestly. It’s probably one of the more accurate metaphors to being nonbinary that I’ve seen.

As of right now, I don’t really have a label. All I know is that I’m not cis, I’m not very commonly feminine, and I’m transmasculine at the least. I know that I fluctuate in some form, or at least some kind of fluid (I don’t like genderfluid much though) since I never stay in the same place for very long. I find it pretty hard to not stress out over finding a label since I just want to know now, but taking my time instead of immediately coming out and then stressing again because I found out it’s not me gets rid of a lot of the anxiety. So for now I’m just “questioning”, but not gonna lie, I hope it doesn’t last very long.

I’m very impatient.

Romantic Orientation,

Aromantic: Someone who feels no romantic attraction to anyone of any gender

I’m going to just say this right now; finding out I was aro was not a very happy thing. It counteracted with my dreams and made me feel like I was cheated on by my own mind, maybe even the world despite how dramatic that sounds.

(TW: Unhappy marriages, divorce, parents fighting and a tiny mention of a womanizer)

I dreamed of having a loving husband to make up for all the years of broken marriages that I have seen, one that was funny and kind, one that believed in me, someone to make me feel less lonely than I really was and to fill up a broken piece of my heart from growing up learning love is fake. I saw fights and back talkers, divorce after divorce, and womanizing boyfriends who would scream at my birth mom as she screamed back with the same intensity. Threats of leaving, divorces, and my birth parents staring hateful daggers into each others backs. If they didn’t hate each other they ignored each other. If they stayed together they never said they loved each other. I only ever heard my dad speak good about his wife, but even then, when he wasn’t looking my mom would turn the other way and back talk him. But I never really learned that love was fake. I saw my birth mom scream at her boyfriend, and I dreamed of a world where me and my husband would make up and cuddle after a fight. I heard my mom complain about my dad’s temper for the tenth time that day, and I dreamed of talking to my husband about working on unhealthy flaws we both had. I didn’t learn love was fake, I learned that love wasn’t perfect fairytales instead. I learned how to grow from the mistakes I saw daily.

(Trigger Warnings over)

But before I suddenly started to question my sexuality, I had no evidence that I wasn’t hetero. In first grade I had a kiss with a boy I didn’t actually like, and in second grade I had my first “crush” on a boy in my class. Other kids would date one kid after another, breaking up and moving on so fast that my head started to spin before I even got to middle school. I saw kids get together after only a week of knowing each other and breaking up a couple weeks after. I had started to try and keep track of who had a crush on who because it always got so twisted. I remember in first grade all the girls seemed to have a crush on a kid named Justin, and all I did was just watch them all in confused awe. It was like watching a herd of derpy birds fight over a fancy breadstick on the floor; very important to them, but I didn’t really see the appeal.

When I thought I had my very first crush, I noticed that I didn’t really act like it. I remember watching an episode of ICarly where Sam had a crush or was dating a boy (can’t remember which) and Carly showed off the drawing Sam made of her and the boy surrounded by love hearts. It gave me the message that’s what people with crushes did, so although I wasn’t much of a drawer I decided to try and copy Sam’s drawing with me and this boy as swans instead. During and after the drawing was made, I noticed that I still didn’t really feel anything for what I made. I didn’t really care about the supposed “crush” I had on him, but I didn’t think much of it. The next year I would actually go up to this boy and tell him that I “liked” him, and he didn’t exactly give me a straight answer. He said “I’ll tell you when my lawyer [his dog Apples] is around”, and I tried for a little bit to get him to tell me about his feelings towards me before I just accepted that it was a rejection. But later, I would actually realize that I didn’t care about him returning his feelings for me, more so I just wanted to know because I’m nosy. I realized he rejected me and barely even cared, just went back to playing with my friends.

Then, I started to question my sexuality. I didn’t exactly notice my lack of attraction towards any genders, I noticed that I had never cared for men. I thought that girls were prettier than boys, but I became so confused because I had such a lack of feeling any kind of attraction towards people. I considered a couple labels, but even when I knew what asexual and aromantic was, I didn’t even consider it. The people I saw who were aro acted like they had no interest in being in any kind of relationship, and that...wasn’t me. I was sure of that, I dreamed of having a spouse someday, so I immediately dismissed it. And in a feat of confusion and ignorance, I decided that if I knew for a fact I didn’t like boys, then I must only like girls. For many years, I identified as a lesbian. Both my parents still think that I’m gay.

Then, I joined Tumblr. Honestly, Tumblr and all the people I have met in the fanders community have helped me a lot with my identity, and people like LJ and Marin (who I’m scared to tag so I won’t) helped me with accepting myself a lot more than they could ever know. When I first heard LJ describe their queerplatonic relationship with Thuri, how they would marry platonically, I didn’t understand why that thought was so comforting until a little later. I realized that...I was scared. I was scared of being aro, so I hid it from both others and myself. I wouldn’t lie awake at night thinking about the supposed “crush” I had on my best friend, I stared mindlessly at the ceiling feeling empty inside. I would not break the chain. Aromantic people do not marry. I was doomed to live alone forever. I could handle being gay, I could have handled being ace or pan or bi which would have brought out my mom’s severe biphobia, I could handle that. What I couldn’t handle was my biggest dream, the one thing in this world that gave me hope and peace with myself, being ripped away from my hands and being forced to accept that I could never love someone the way that I wanted to. With my already severe problems with feeling any emotion, this was hard to accept. I was willing to ignore my own romance repulsion just to have a “happy��� marriage. I was willing to give my comfort away for something I thought would be worth it.

At first, I was willing to accept that I was grayromantic, and that those two boys in my life were the rare times I fell in love. I didn’t want to accept I couldn’t fall in love at all, so I tried to compromise with myself and use that label instead. Then, I read Marin’s queerplatonic Logince verse. A tiny little collage of stories in the same universe that I didn’t even get at first helped me come to terms with my identity. They loved each other. It wasn’t romantic, not sexual...but it was stronger than friendship. I learned that that kind of love was just as important as the ones I tried to dream of having as a kid. I felt like I was able to love again. Maybe not in the romantic way I wanted to, but it meant so much more to me. Queerplatonic saved me from going over the edge, and I think that is a beautiful thing.

I could go into a lot more detail with this. I could tell you about my struggles with understanding my feelings for my best friend CJ, and how I thought that I had a crush on him. I could tell you about the multiple instances I never realized I did because of my lack for romantic attraction, but now look back at and think “how did that not raise flags?”. I could tell you I thought I was just scared of commitment, how I also identified as cupioromantic for a bit, how I literally went through a grieving stage with accepting I was aro, but I’ll simply leave it as this for now. It hasn’t been easy at all accepting that I was aromantic, but that label has given me the most solace and peace, because now I don’t feel like I’m scared of commitment. I don’t feel like I’m faking, like I need to hurt myself to get my dream, like I need to bend to the whims of a romantic and sexual world. I have a new way that feels so much better than bending over backwards for something I can’t have, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

And a Conclusion.

I will wave this green, white, gray and black flag with pride. I’ll wave my purple triangle one with the same intensity, and when I find out my gender, I’ll learn to wave it with pride as well. Because all of us deserved to have just that; We deserve to have pride and happiness with ourselves. No matter how you may identify, no matter who you love or what you feel like you really are, you can be and deserve to be prideful.

We deserve to wave our flags with pride. And we will have just that:

Pride.

[superutahraptor-blog]

In case anyone was interested in rping with my Tumblr Avatar, below is somewhat of a description of her. Yes I know her appearance does not match the other Troodons in the Jurassic Park games, but I have explained why in her backstory. The artwork is not mine, but it perfectly shows how I pictured Ninai in my head; cute, fluffy, and kinda derpy looking.

Name: Ninai

Nickname(s): “That pain in the ass,” “Toothy chicken”, “Get her!”, and “Not again!”

Gender: Female

Age: 8 months

Species: Troodon

Birthday: January 4, 1993

Personality: Is very curious about everything and everyone. She often manages to escape her enclosure (much to the park workers annoyance) She loves to  play games with the park workers (though they do not see it as a game). Her favorite game is ‘Surprise!’ So far she has never lost. Her second favorite game to play is ‘Steal the Hat.’ Unlike the Velociraptors she is not vicious and instead craves positive human attention.

Likes: Being petted, fresh meat, escaping her enclosure, making new discoveries, scaring park workers, and stealing Muldoons hat when she can.

Dislikes: Being in her enclosure, rain, thunder, poked with the shock sticks, and getting caught.

Strengths: Running, jumping, being stealthy, intelligence, sense of smell, and hiding.

Weaknesses: Small size, her feathers, Muldoon’s hat, and her naive nature.

Backstory: Since the first attempt at creating Troodons was a disaster due to all of the corrupted Troodon DNA, Dr. Wu compared the DNA of a Harpy Eagle to what DNA they had of the Troodons. They were a close match to one another so Dr. Wu was given the green light from Hammond to create this new batch of Troodons. Hatched in one of InGen’s labs at Jurassic Park, she was the only one of her 12 siblings to survive past the age of five months. So she is alone in her enclosure. Attempts to recreate close to the same group Ninai was from have resulted in failure and were hence terminated. It is believed that Dr. Wu added more than just the Harpy Eagles DNA to the genetic sequence but also the DNA of an intelligent bird such as a crow or raven. .

((if anyone wants more information regarding Ninai don’t hesitate to ask. However I refuse to allow anyone else to use Ninai as their own. She is one of my muses. Not my main muse but still a muse.))

[dingoat]

Fic Writer Tag Meme

Meep! Thanks for tagging me, @cinlat!!

I was given leeway to answer regarding art rather than writing, haha, which is probably a good thing since the only solid writing I’ve done outside of RP in maaany long years is my current derpy WIP and I’ve never considered getting an A03 account (though here’s me taking a peek right now).

What is your total word count on AO3 (or art count on your far too full computer)?

Ahaha. Well my current little fic is sitting at 19,740. I’m awfully proud of that effort so far!

As far as art goes... hrnnng. I could never tally a proper ‘total art count’, but let’s look at my Star Wars art folders specifically... mrgh. There is no easy way to sort/count these since my filing system is ridiculous and I have odd things all over the place, but at a very quick/rough guess, I’ve got some 650 odd drawings done specifically relating to Star Wars RP, dating back to our first home tabletop campaign. That’s NOT including all the frames done for the few derpy animation projects I’ve done which would... easily push it into the thousands, but I’m not travelling down that particular rabbit hole tonight. XD

How often do you write (or art)?

Easily every day I’m not at work, and then depending on my energy levels a lot of evenings I’ll get a bit of something done, even if it’s just a few lines or a spot of colour. Honestly you could probably work out my work schedule/holiday time out pretty perfectly based on my art posting/productivity, heh.

Do you have a routine for writing (or arting)?

Mmm. Anywhere/everywhere, which usually winds up being; most sketch work done on the couch with some sort of TV show/movie going on in the background, and colouring done at the computer between playing games, snippets of writing, lots of internet browsing (some of it actual useful reference stuff), liberal voice chatting and possibly also working on a sketch in my lap at the same damn time.

What are your favourite kinks/tropes/pairing?

Kinks:

UM. Okay I guess I can admit I’m a sucker for fluffy fluffy romance with all the love and sweetness going on? I don’t even know if that counts as a kink, I don’t know how to answer this otherwise. I also like werewolves.

Tropes:

‘I’m a monster’. I guess this counts more for the storytelling that inspires my art more than the art itself? But damn, give my character someone who considers themselves a monster- quite literally in the case for Jak, or more figuratively as was the case for Ahuska, and I am SOLD. The feelings will happen, and the feelings lead to the drawings.

Pairing:

Ahuska/Crow: Obviously this is, like, the overwhelming majority of where my head is at when it comes to couple stuff. And to think I’d gone and created a lil Mando Bothan with absolutely ZERO intent of pursuing a romance with her! Thank you, @humanrevolt , for changing that. :D

Jak/Wylluf: They don’t get a lot of screen time right now but damn, I do want to get back to their story one of these days! Jak was my main for a long long time, a Saga Edition tabletop character that I didn’t want to let go once the campaign ended, so my husband let us carry on with her and her mad scientist husband even when all else was over and done.

Ulfran/Lyrisal: So, not exactly a pairing, since @humanrevolt ‘s Lyrisal is very much attached to Nines and I don’t think Ulfran would make any moves even if she was single, but still. I love their history, their relationship, I love writing their interactions!

Do you have a favourite fic (or art) of yours?

Okay I definitely need to have more than 3/4 of a fic to answer this for writing. But for art... so hard to choose a single one. SO HARD. I am definitely still super fond of the little Christmas one I did last year though.

^ that one

Your fic with the most kudos (or art with most likes, I guess)?

I feel like it’s that completely random werewolf I did last year? Yep- it’s currently beating that one bit of Moana fanart I did at 635 notes. Still weird to see that figure since honestly I still get excited to see notes hit double digits on any piece, haha.

Anything you don’t like about your writing (or art)?

Ehhh, all the usual things I’m sure. I’m super critical of my own stuff, and often get stuck in a rut of feeling like everything is the same, always the same. Sometimes I wish I could do my lineart digitally, and I know I... could, if I was willing to put in the time to practice?

Now something you do like?

NO THIS IS HARD I don’t know. I just like it when I manage to make something that makes me feel happy to look at. Better yet if it makes someone else happy to see it. Even better if those happy feelings are still there looking at the thing months down the track. That’s the whole point of it all, really, when it comes down to it, right?

[sanguinesprout]

Thunderstorms and rainbows all around! (Job things, update blah, perfectionism sucks and what even is communication)

Pheeeew! The past month has been a lot more busy and stressful but I’m finally kinda getting myself closer to getting a job! So I actually managed to apply to 6 jobs so far! Six! I mean, to most people that’s probably nothing, but that’s a lot for me that would normally only apply to like... 1 or probably nothing lol @w@” So yay and keep going me! ^^ I’m really thankful to my sis for encouraging me, even though she loses her patience sometimes, but I really am such a weenie baby x.x

1 job rejected my application, 2 jobs I didn’t hear from, 1 I only just applied to (which is actually the same as the very 1st one I applied to last time, hah!) and 2 I did hear from. Those two are ones set by recruitment agencies and are warehouse/factory type jobs where they hire in bulk. They both don’t have any formal interviews or anything like that but they had this registration form filling kind of appointment. I mean, it wasn’t retail like I was aiming for, but maybe this would actually suit me better maybe? Baby steps!

I decided not to do one of the two that I heard from (a warehouse one) because it was too far away and also it sounded too physically demanding for me. The second (factory) I’ve been debating whether to go through with or not for like two weeks since I’ve been accepted because my health problems may make it unsuitable for me, but there’s gonna be an induction day sometime soon hopefully and maybe I can make a good decision then. Travel to the second job is much less a hassle than the one I rejected too, here’s hoping it’ll be okay! And if I never try I won’t know!

The one I applied for today... it’s retail just like the others I unsuccessfully applied for, I wonder if I’ll be successful this time, who knows! I feel it’d be a much better way to grow and learn to face people even better and would definitely be much more varied than the factory job which is just robot-like repetitiveness but that may be more comfortable in regards to predictability. Either way I’m gonna have to start talking to at least co-workers and stuff, ahhh I’m nervous, but I need to get outta my comfort zone! Onwards!

Until then, gotta keep applying and trying, maybe neither of these will be suitable or possible, or maybe I’ll find something even more awesome! It’s both really scary and kinda exciting. I want to finally show some independence, that I’m capable of working and talking to people and most of all help my family some, because right now and well, for ages we have been struggling and there’s alotta stressful stuff happening for them >< C’mon, I can do it!!

In general other stuff, I am almost at the end of my online course thing!! I wouldn’t have expected to get here but it’s all because of my sis helping me out a lot ;w; I can’t help but feel I’m being bad ahhh like I’m a super law abiding kind of person, I feel like I’m cheating! But then again the course material is impossible to complete with only my noob knowledge, it was false advertising! W/e when the course is done I hope I never have to do another like that again!

Uhhh anyways, besides that ball of stress I actually managed to do some more baking with my sis and sewing and it was all kinda last minute stuff, which usually freaks me out! I mean, I kinda got moody and needed some persuading by my sis but I did it!! :D I went shopping a bunch and didn’t feel too anxious except for that ‘oh no, I didn’t buy anything, now the shop people will think I’m stealing’ kind of paranoia... I’m slowly kinda getting over it, it’s just having that open shopping bag clunking around on my shoulder with stuff from a previous shop makes me extra nervous around staff OTL. It’s okay, think more rationally! There’s nothing wrong with not buying anything! Plenty of people do this and are fine!

There were also some important family days, but Idk why... I was really irritable and moody and messed one of them up and had a massive falling out with my sis. She said a lot of harsh things and I was being kind of cold and unresponsive but also critical, there was crying and anger on both sides. I guess my depressive feelings just got too deep and I was getting to cooped up and stressed in my head to be able to think or do anything else... I had been feeling even more low those few days, it was my fault. It’s just so difficult to control sometimes, but I gotta keep trying to stay out of my head, quit overthinking and falling into the negative and keep it that way some more.

Anyways, we managed to reconcile some while later and everything and the rest of the days were good! I bonded with my family with a game of charades, which they were reluctant to play at first, but warmed to it and smiled and laughed a lot! The things I baked and sewed were for them and it made them happy too! It was nice, I was happy too, I hope there will be more times like this more often! c:

In regards to blog stuff and art stuff, it really hasn’t gone anywhere yet still. I’m hoping that when I get the job thing sorted, maybe I will feel less guilty about doing things like that which I consider as leisure stuff. But is this unreasonable? I don’t want to keep pushing it back and delaying it but I just feel too overwhelmed, it’s like I can only focus on one thing at once, but I know I am capable of doing more..! I just need to push myself!

I also keep being too much of a perfectionist, it was even a big part of the reason I had a falling out with my sis :c I’m so critical of myself all the time and others sometimes, it’s just so frustrating and incomprehensible. I’m so scared of doing things wrong or imperfect, it’s definitely unreasonable and unrealistic of me to keep thinking this way ;^; It’s so hard to just ignore these feelings. It’s really hard to get me to do something in the first place, I’m just giving myself unnecessary grief. 

Failing and flaws are part of learning, I’m setting myself too high expectations, I need to not be so hard on myself. What I’m doing is just fine, as long as I keep going, I’ll keep improving! If something doesn’t go so well this time, then I’ll just do it again next time but better! I’ll try to keep these in mind more!

I haven’t really been interacting with anyone or commenting at all in general other internet-ness which is well, not so good. I hope I can become comfortable enough to do things like commenting and following people and posting soon! Hoping probably isn’t good enough though, it’s all about foregoing the comfort zone again and just doing! I’m too ashamed of myself ahh

Oh! To the lovely person that liked and left a small but kind comment on my last post, even though you probably won’t see this, I want to say thank you!! When I did see it later on, it really made me smile! <3 

I guess this must be how people feel when I gave them comments in the past, it really is motivating! Giving someone a smile is definitely much better than giving in to fear!

I feel really bad because this one online friend that popped up since last time, I made sure not to just ignore them but I’ve kinda been less responsive to them... in the hope they message less frequently at least... gah! Idk... I feel kinda uncomfortable that they tried to speak to me everyday, like I had nothing new to say to them and it made me feel even more anxious. Even more so when they tried to compliment and get closer to me... ack! *sirens blaring*

Though I have had a lot on my plate to do and think about lately and I’ve told them this many times and I have been polite and friendly to them... I’m just scared I’ll come off to them as a jerk but I just kind of want some space and it really just ahhhh idk how to respond? My own awkwardness and inability to just communicate without freaking out is killing me..! Am I being unreasonable here?? T^T;;; OTL OTL OTL

Hm, I think that’s enough of my derpy flailing for today, I’ll stop here but Imma keep goin irl! Yeah, do the stuff!! Go go go! 

After a thunderstorm a rainbow can appear, and one really did the other day!

May everyone see rainbows after their thunderstorms too! Good things can follow times of struggle or great effort!

Let’s go be productive and be good to ourselves! 

Have a great week! ^^