#she's been with me through style changes! lots of improvement! lots of life things! i adore her

[drkcatt]

i present you: almost every time i've drawn my wol A'vaya in the 3 years i've had her. there's 214 here and i'm still missing a lot

and for comparison: my first ever baya and a panel from my latest wip comic

[lasirenatarot]

“ LOOKS-MAXXING ” pick-a-card reading.💝

Your next glow up.

What can you do in order to have a big glow up?

Pick a pink 90s magazine cover:

—>Pile 1

Your next glow up will most likely be related to getting « in peace » with your s€xuality prior to glowing up both physically and mentally. What I mean by this is you will probably need to get rid of any self doubts about your looks, any shame around your $£xual side due to past traumas or for some the way you were raised, some may have been raised in a controlling or conservative family.

One of the ways you can make this glow up happen is if you really enjoy your life and what you do. Try to practice your hobbies more and work on bettering your natural talents, by doing that you may find your purpose in this world and this will lead to the biggest glow up ever.. for some it may lead them to their dream career.

Something which appears in the cards is that you may need to forgive your parents or parental figures for the way they treated you in order to reach peace within yourself and your physical body. Forgive yourself as well for not acting in the « right way » or not looking a certain way, this is the best you could do at that point of your life . It is all in the past.

As for a physical glow up: judging by the pictures shown on the cards that fell, maybe start focusing on a regular work out routine, focusing on legs, butt or whatever you feel like you need to improve. Updating your clothing style may benefit you a lot. Stop caring about what others would say and pick clothes which give you freedom of expression, be yourself shamelessly. Some of you who chose this pile may have some creative vision which they may have been scared to express - do it. Meditation may help with your « glow up » in some form as well. Try bolder makeup looks and outfit choices.

Moodboard/Vibes for pile 1:

The vibes I get from this pile is totally Julia Fox as a persona,not only style wise. She’s unapologetically herself, maybe for some she’s a bit weird. But the main point is, despite people’s opinions and perceptions of her, she has always followed her own rules and expressed herself. Before she got famous she was a dominatrix, did a photobook, an art exhibition aand starred in a famous movie in which her character was inspired by her real life . All this happened because she was authentic,lived her life the way she wanted and followed her heart, exactly what u should do as well,pile 1.

Songs which remind me of this pile’s vibe:

—>Pile 2

Pile 2, you’re going through or will go through a huge transformation.. luck will definitely be on your side and you may find out answers for things which you’ve always wanted to know about. ( it can be pretty much about anything. If we are talkibg about a physical glow up exclusively, you may learn some very good beauty hacks soon. It can be about makeup, diet, exercise, skin care, personal development etc.. this is a general reading so I cannot be exact but whatever your case is it will lead to a HUGE glow up. Two of the cards are talking about some « secret knowledge » so whatever it is it will be significant for you.

This pile is very different from the first one as the glow up that appears here is not just about one or two things in your life or looks, it’s about everything. The things you can do in order to glow up faster, pile2, is maybe start watching makeup tutorials and pay attention to new techniques or products you haven’t heared before, ask people for where they shop they may tell you some secret thrift store with really cool clothes which can uplift your style.. anything which can help you get this « secret knowledge » which appeared in the cards. Another thing I can say for this pile is: focus on manifestation, envision the changes in your looks or life as a whole you would like to have and act accordingly in your 3D universe in order to get to where you want to be. Positive affirmations and subliminals (as in subliminals I mean not the crazy unrealistic ones, but those about self concept, confidence and beauty in general) may also be helpful in your case.

Moodboard/Vibes for pile 2:

The vibes I get here are Fran from “The Nanny” and Maddy from “Euphoria”. Fashionable, bold, colourful. Radiating confidence. Crystals, glitter, sparkle, feathers, bold and colourful makeup, everything of that sort. Do not dim your own light to make someone else feel better about themselves if they are insecure.

Songs which remind me of this pile’s vibe:

—>Pile 3

Pile 3: I think you would definitely be bettering your financial situation sooner than you may have even expected, this may help you get a glow up. You would be able to afford nicer things, skincare, clothes, procedures etc.. If you’re not already on a path to improve your finances, then you would definitely be motivated to start working on this problem soon and be very committed on your mission of « glowing up » in every way possible. Physically, mentally, spiritually even. You will be finding yourself after a long period of feeling lost and unlike your true self.

You would become much more intuitive, confident and cut throat even, you won’t let energy vampires use you as they may have done in the past and this would lead to a more beautiful and healthy version of you, because you would not have to deal with others’ negativity anymore. When it comes to relationships you would not be satisfied with with mediocrity, you will be finally standing your ground and being true to your standards and what you deserve. You will be getting your justice if you’ve been mistreated in the past.

This pile has huuuge « femme fatale » « dark feminine » vibe. This may be the energy you will be channeling after you have your glow up. Doing classic makeup like red lipstick+ black eyeliner, black smokey eyes and nude lips combo might help you channel this energy that i am seeing here better. Wearing colours like: red, black, gold and nude might help you elevate your look. Also wearing jewelry, lace and high heels. Don’t be scared to embrace your « dark side » which you may have ignored in the past in order to fit in with the crowd.

May sound trivial, but follow your intuition and do what makes you happy, it will make you glow in ways which you have not expected..

Moodboard/Vibes for pile 3:

The vibes I’m getting here are as I said in previous paragraphes: femme fatale, dark feminine energy,monica bellucci core type of look/aesthetics..

Songs which remind me of this pile’s vibe:

That was all from today’s PAC. It was a bit different from previous ones and I myself did not expect it to turn out the way it did, but sometimes completely different information pops up in readings because someone needs to hear a certain thing.. Hope you enjoyed it!!

Leave a comment/feedback if it resonated, share and follow for more.

Thank you for reading!

- La Sirena💋

Decks used: ‘$£xual magic’ oracle deck by Lo Scarabeo; ‘Manara’ €rotic tarot deck by Milo Manara/ Lo Scarabeo;

Photos are from pinterest; all credits to their respective owners.

[enhashoutout]

Tears and Matching Tattoos (Ice x reader)

I am and will always be a Nessa Barrett enthusiast

Genre: Angst

Trigger Warnings: typical H&L violence, jealousy (please let me know if I missed anything)

I use fem pronouns and descriptions because that is what is easiest for me but if you do not identify with that, please feel free to change that as you read to fit you :)

I'm not sure I 100% like this story, but I'm trying to get out of the habit of being a perfectionist and just allowing myself to publish everything even if I don't think it is perfect so that I have a record of my works to look back on and improve upon.

The one where you’re still in love with Ice even after he’s moved on.

𝕀𝕗 𝕀 𝕕𝕠𝕟'𝕥 𝕘𝕖𝕥 𝕥𝕠 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕪𝕠𝕦, 𝕥𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕜 𝔾𝕠𝕕 𝕠𝕦𝕣 𝕞𝕒𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕥𝕒𝕥𝕥𝕠𝕠𝕤 𝕝𝕒𝕤𝕥 𝕗𝕠𝕣 𝕝𝕚𝕗𝕖

✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁

Ice was your first love, and you were his. You spent a good amount of your life not only being his first love but also his best friend. You were there for him through thick and thin. There for all his highs and his lows. You spent so much time together, you guys also fell apart. Today, it suddenly felt like everything you went through meant nothing.

You had split because Ice said that he didn't feel the same way anymore; feeling like you guys would be better if you guys went back to just being friends like when you guys were kids. That's okay, he had a lot on his plate, and some people just fall out of love sometimes. You weren't always lovers, you could go back to that again, right? He went back to friends, you pretended. It's hard going back to being friends when you literally live in the same house as the person you love. Being a part of Mighty Warriors was suddenly like shooting yourself in the foot. You were around Ice ALL. THE. DAMN. TIME. How does anyone move on like that?

Then, Sarah came along. Mighty Warriors had saved the poor girl from getting kidnapped by Doubt. Ice allowed her to stick around, and she became part of the group. Being the only two women on the team should've brought you closer, but it never did. You could see it, it was happening. Ice was moving on. He liked Sarah, he said and did the same things to you when it was you. The only difference is that this time they would last, something you didn't have the luxury of knowing. It wasn't Sarah's fault or her intention, but it did make you hold a secret grudge against her.

You were wallowing in your bedroom, figuring out how to improve upon the track Bernie gave you when Ice burst into your room.

"Well damn, at least knock. Did you need something before tonight's performance?"

"Yeah, can you look at this real quick?"

"Sure." You had answered him thinking he needed you to look at a track or a new styling choice for tonight's performance, but it wasn't either of those. From his back pocket, Ice pulled out a velvet box. He opened it up and showed it to you, a ring.

"Do you think Sarah will like it? I'm gonna propose to her tonight in the middle of Funk Jungle."

You were stunned. You didn't think this day would arrive so soon, and yet here you guys are.

"I- wow. I think the ring looks great. I'm sure she's gonna love it."

"I love her. For once, I'm nervous."

"Come on Ice, why be nervous? It's not like she's gonna say no. She's gonna say yes. She's going to absolutely love the ring, and she's going to absolutely love you."

"Thank you, you're the best. You always know what to say."

"That's my job as your best friend who actually has a brain unlike the rest of Mighty isn't it?" The two of you laughed.

"I'll see you downstairs for your set."

"You bet."

Ice exited your room, closing your door. All you could do was stare at the spot he once stood in. Tears began running down your face. It's been a while since you guys broke up, and a while since Ice and Sarah were together, so this should've hurt less. Should've, but here you are, crying at the news. You couldn't hate either of them, but you did hate yourself for holding onto feelings that were no longer reciprocated. You fixed your makeup and went back to looking at the track Bernie gave you to keep your mind off of everything.

Later that night you stood with Bernie behind his set up, dreading the moment the proposal would happen. It seems like Ice didn't tell anyone else but you, knowing that one of the guys would probably accidentally let the surprise slip to Sarah.

In the middle of Ice's performance, he told Bernie to cut the music for a second. He walked to Sarah where she usually sat on the side, bringing her to the middle of the dance floor. The spotlights focused on the couple. Ice got down on one knee, and into the mic asked "Sarah, will you marry me?" She was thrilled, shouting yes. He picked her up in a hug and spun her, telling Bernie to continue where the track left off. Everyone in the club was shouting and celebrating the two, everyone but you. Bernie noticed this. Aside from Ice, the other Mighty member you were closest to was Bernie. He was the only other person in the group whose brain could process deeper emotions.

Bernie pulled you away from the noise. "Hey, you okay?"

"After everything we've talked about Bernie, how do you think I feel?" you mumbled.

"Like shit obviously but I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask."

"I'll be fine. I'll cry for a while and then I'll be good. I've held out for this long, what's a little more right?"

"Will you be okay? I'm being serious. I don't want you in a place that's causing you pain."

"I don't get to have him but thank god matching tattoos last for life right? I'm heading back, tell the others I wasn't feeling good okay?" Bernie nodded.

You left Funk Jungle and headed back home. In your room, hidden away from everyone else you cried. It's alright, Ice can love her even after he broke your heart. It would be cruel to wish anything other than the best for him. Part of you wished everything was a lie, but the other part of you hoped that your heartbreak brought him the love he deserved. You looked at the matching tattoo you had with Ice on your arm. It had started as a couple's tattoo, switching its meaning when you had broken up. Now it was just a matching best friends tattoo, but in your mind where no one else could see, you could look at the tattoo and remember the time when Ice once loved you.

✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁✫☼☾☁

You reached the end! Thank you so much for reading this little blurb. It's not the best thing I've written or my favorite but I figured I can publish it and use it for improvement moving forward.

I read on the post here on Tumblr that Ice and Sarah get married in the H&L manga series so I wanted to write something to go along with that.

Likes, comments, and reblogs are appreciated.

Please don't take my work and repost it anywhere or take credit for it. Writers work hard on their stuff so please don't be a crappy human.

Random question, are there any H&L characters you guys want to see more stories for?

[nd-babblinggoblinfromthevoid]

I wish that autism wasn't so heavily looked down upon/ignored/disrespected when I was growing up.

I was a "devil child", "handful", "problem".

When in reality if even minute changes were made in my environment and how my own family interacted with me, I would have flourished so much more.

I heavily stimmed using music. The repetitive beats and heavy bass was my thing. So when my mom wanted to punish me for something, one of the first things she'd do was take away my ipod/mp3 whatever I had. WORST thing was when she ONLY took my (very specific) headphones.

To her, it was taking away something fun. A luxury item. A toy basically.

But to me, it was taking away a very heavily ingrained stim that I NEEDED to do, and could not do without very specific criteria (specific headphones and a specific playlist/style of music)

So of course I would become horribly disregulated. Which I'd then have to attempt to mask/or recluse to avoid her so she wouldn't see how bad it unraveled me.

Because to her, being disregulated/unraveled was "acting up", "catching an attitude", "being disrespectful/rude".

Gods. Looking back I truly hate how she did me wrong in that way. Not just my stim but EVERYTHING. All my needs were either dismissed or half-met.

She is one of those people who thinks sure adhd/autism exists but not in HER family. Not in HER children. She even tried to blame it on the father of her children and it couldn't possibly have had anything to do with her.

..... we not only ALL have different fathers, but after observing both memories of her and her now, she is ALSO autistic and in total denial.

I definitely still harbor resentment because of that. She had me "evaluated". Once. At a time where they still heavily leaned on the male criteria for adhd, and autism wasnt really addressed/acknowledged unless it was severely debilitating. But also, by the time she had me evaluated, I'd already spent a few years (unknowingly) masking due to peers and family creating that need. So the conclusion was "there MIGHT be something divergent about her but we couldnt say for sure at this time" and she took that as "nope she's good, just a problem child. Carryon." Never again to be addressed.

She barely acknowledged that one of my brothers (previously a sister) was diagnosed adhd.

She only acknowledged another brother's adhd&autism diagnosis because the school he went to was very accommodating and insisted that he be evaluated and guess what.

Once he was diagnosed, and they rearranged his class schedules to fit his needs, he did a 180 and graduated top of his class. THRIVED. I both LOVE that he got that and HATE that I never did. I barely got through school.

It wasn't for lack of love of learning. I just, learned different, but was ALSO heavily overloaded with how crammed my courses were. I always wonder if I'd gotten the same accommodations, would I have thrived? Would school have been a drastically different/positive experience/memory for me? I'll never know. Because my mother was so against the idea that anything was divergent about me and absolutely mentally stuffed me into her little idea of an ideal neurotypical child that I never had a chance...

Now that I know I'm also AuDHD, like most of my siblings and even an aunt, I feel validated. I had seen vlogs and blogs about people more and more coming out about how they handle life and their coping skills and hacks theyve learned and after starting to apply those to myself... gods I've improved so much.

Don't get me wrong, I still struggle. But now knowing what issues are and how to cope and get around things, I'm a lot better off.

This is only ONE reason of several why my relationship with my mother has gone sour. What's sad is she doesn't really realize it yet? I havent been able to compose myself enough to have THE CHAT.

About how she hurt me a lot. Intentional or not. (Like not knowing taking away my music was taking away a stim) I don't know how to have this chat. Tbh I thought about writing a longass letter. Because in the past whenever she's been confronted about anything she's done wrong, she spirals into defense mode and wont even entertain the conversation beyond that point and you get... nowhere.

So maybe in person the bulk of the talk wont happen. I feel like. I need to hand her a letter. Have her read it. And maybe have a succinct chat before parting ways.

Because I wanted to be close to her for so long, that I either didn't realize or knowingly ignored her problem behaviors and looking back... she just... gods that's a whole other post for the future....

If you've read this far thank you. If you've had similar familial experiences, lmk (if you're comfy)

I just....... *sigh*.... yep.

[ukrfeminism]

Though British farming is arguably at the most precarious point in its long history – thanks to changes caused by Brexit and food industry subsidies, lack of clear food production policies and increased concern over environmental issues – more women than ever are choosing a career in agriculture and, more importantly, moving into leadership roles.

Back in the 1970s, Holly Collins was studying for her A-levels in Sussex. While her friends sent off their university applications, she wrote to the Royal Agricultural College asking for an entry form, hoping to follow her dream of becoming a farmer.

“They wrote back with the following answer: ‘Dear Miss Collins, we do not admit women.’”

Undeterred, she worked on a farm the following summer: “A lot of the tasks then were manual labour, so I’d just turn up at the farm gate and ask for a job. I was paid much less than the male students I worked with because I was female. The farmer’s father told him that, because I was the hardest worker, he should pay me the same as them – but he didn’t.”

Things, says the 64-year-old who now has her own upland farm, Hollin Bank, at the head of Coniston Water in the Lake District, have improved a lot for women in agriculture since then.

Though British farming is arguably at the most precarious point in its long history – thanks to changes caused by Brexit and food industry subsidies, lack of clear food production policies and increased concern over environmental issues – more women than ever are choosing a career in agriculture and, more importantly, moving into leadership roles.

Minette Batters, the first ever female president of the National Farmers’ Union of England and Wales (NFU), may have stepped down this spring after six years in office, but women are still well represented in the union, with Rachel Hallos, a South Pennines farmer, installed as NFU vice-president and Abi Reader as deputy president for NFU Cymru. The Great Yorkshire Show has just got its first female show director in its 186-year history – dairy farmer Rachel Coates takes over after this year’s show in July. In the field of specialist skills, the UK has also just appointed its first female wool grader. Amy-Jo Barton, 22, is based at British Wool (formerly the British Wool Marketing Board) in Bradford where she sorts wool by hand based on style and characteristics; a job she finds “very therapeutic”.

While women comprised 17% of farmers in 2019, data from the Office for National Statistics for 2023 shows that of the 104,700 registered farmers, 22% are female. In the broader category of managers in agricultural services, women make up 32% of the workforce. According to recent figures from the Higher Education Statistics Agency, 64% of agricultural students are women. For an industry that historically relies on father-to-son succession to pass on land and which used to exclude women from many of its educational establishments, farming has come a long way.

Coates, incoming director of the Great Yorkshire Show, says: “Women have always been the backbone of a farm. Now they’re no longer in the kitchen tied to the Aga, they’re at the forefront of the industry. It’s good to see this take-up of leadership roles.”

Louisa Dines, principal lecturer in agronomy at Harper Adams University in Shropshire, thinks farming has lagged behind in terms of gender diversity but is finally catching up with other industries.

“Farmers’ wives and daughters were always important – farms are typically family businesses and intertwined with home life – but women used to operate below the radar,” she says. “Historically local meetings were in the pub or village hall. Wives often weren’t invited or had to look after the children. Even if they did go, it can be intimidating walking into a room full of men, but new communication platforms – such as social media and video conferencing – have made it easier for women to take part.”

There are more than 14,000 members of the Facebook group Ladies Who Lamb and farmers such as the Yorkshire Shepherdess and the Red Shepherdess have huge followings on TikTok and Instagram. Dines says she recently attended an agritech conference to promote links between women in farming in Poland, Ukraine and England. Previously these women had worked in isolation but not had a sense of community. “It was so interesting to see how far we’ve come.”

Traditions need to change more, though. The average age of a British farmer is 59 and the business is still typically passed down the male side of the family. A 2022 survey in Northern Ireland found that inheritance was the second biggest challenge faced by women in farming. The biggest was male dominance.

Molly Lewis, whose family have farmed sheep on 250 acres of pasture in Powys, Wales, for 350 years, says this attitude is starting to shift. The 20-year-old plans to take over when her father and his brother retire. She splits her time between working in the family business and the local agricultural market.

“In the past, sometimes men felt pressured to take on the farm even if their heart wasn’t in it, but now it goes to whoever is interested. I’ve noticed a lot more women happily getting involved. It feels natural, especially here. We have an open hill farm in the Elan Valley, and do a lot of community work with all our neighbours. You see women and girls on the hills doing the same jobs as the men and no one thinks anything of it.”

Lewis also talks of the community’s fury at the Welsh government’s sustainable farming scheme – the post-Brexit plan for funding the industry which includes ensuring 10% of farmland is under tree cover.

Collins’s farm has low densities of mixed livestock and a nice sideline in educational courses teaching traditional farming skills such as dry stone walling and coppicing. It’s currently host to two masters students researching finance and birdlife. She brought in two women – Megan Jones and Katherine Andrews – to manage Hollin Bank alongside her.

She says she has had difficulties with “a lack of respect” from male farmers. “But I am learning at a late age and from the wonderful young women who work with me that you don’t have to instil fear in others to succeed in this very male world. We try to be warm and encouraging of anyone who is interested. I’m not sure this is a ‘female’ attitude to farming but I suspect it might be.”

None of the three at Hollin Bank grew up in agricultural families, bucking the tradition of succession. While Collins had a “striking ambition” to farm her whole life, her colleagues originally worked in conservation and nature restoration.

“As 70% of the UK is farmland, I wanted to understand how conservation and agriculture intertwine,” says Andrews. “I also believe we need to localise the food economy to save food miles, create jobs and deepen our connection to the land.”

If farming is in crisis it may be this new generation who look to change the status quo who will be able to find a resolution. All of them seem keen to evolve. Coates’s big ambition for the Yorkshire Agricultural Society is to engage young people because “we need to make farming relevant – there are going to be changes in agriculture over the next few years and we need to adapt”.

Dines points to the increased importance of marketing and communication – from farm shops and crafts to environmentally friendly farming practice – “all the public-facing activities at which women excel”.

Jones, who worked in restoration before joining Hollin Bank two years ago, also points to the need for communication within the indusry as well as with the public.

“We need to strengthen food systems that value farmers’ extensive knowledge of the landscapes they work in,” she says. “I think we need to listen to farmers and figure out what works financially and ecologically. How can we build resilient ecosystems?”

The reason so many more women have moved into farming is perhaps best explained when Jones talks about what she enjoys most about her work.

“My favourite thing about working on a farm is the daily and seasonal rhythms. Each day you adapt and respond to the environment and the animals. Days when we move the sheep or cows are always good days, walking with them is like a moving meditation. For someone who spent very little time doing practical work growing up, I find working with my hands very rewarding and empowering – especially as a woman.”

[iuteamstarcandy]

[INTERVIEW] 230922 IU in Elle Korea Oct Issue (Part 2 of 2)

Q: I really do see you repaying others for the love that you have received. Through “IU’s Palette” (shortened as “Palette” below), you’ve been actively communicating with and cheering on girl group juniors like ITZY, New Jeans and so on. Do you feel envious or get curious about the life of a girl group member sometimes?

I do feel envious when I see how they are witnesses for each other’s growth and can share moments of glory like when they win awards. Certainly, I think it’s tiring for them too. The girl group friends I’ve met on “Palette” are all really mature and I’m grateful for the healthy energy that we send to each other. Rather than as a senior, I try my best to show them how I feel as a fan or average person on the streets — things like how much positive strength they give many people as artists, or how much energy I have gained in my life from listening to their music.

Q: You seem to have carved your identity as an emcee through “Palette”. What’s the greatest thing you have gained through this new role?

The main highlight for “Palette” is switching songs (TL note: Singing each other’s songs in one’s own style) That, in itself, is an expression of respect, that “I like your music, so I’ve tried interpreting it in my own style like this.” I’m really really grateful that my guests put in great effort to cover my songs. Singing a song cover is something that I do while practising great caution, because of the worry that I might ruin the song, so it’s not something I do that often.

Q: What do you mean you worry that you might ruin the song?

Yeah, that’s right! If I sing a song that I like, what if I like it less as a result? Of course I have such feelings.

Q: During the Kim Sejeong episode, she had many thoughts about the feeling of passionately liking someone as well as cherishing her own songs while singing them. How much do you like your own songs?

It was an episode that made me think a lot too. For someone who was influenced by my music from a young age and dreamed of becoming a singer, to show me that she likes me, that really gave me strength and the professionalism she displayed when sharing her personal stories and the pride she has in her own songs made her look really cool. As always, I’m sitting on the fence about this. There’s a side of me that loves my songs and thinks that my songs are the best and yet, innately, there’s a side of me that can’t help being critical of myself. Nonetheless, I think self-objectification and having a sense of balance are important. I don’t think I will lean towards either side in the future either.

Q: In your journey of 15 years, I think you would have been very much influenced by the self-awareness that the way your fans consistently support and love you is by treating you like a young female artist. There is a collective awareness that they should protect you from excessive criticism and feedback right?

Having worked throughout my teens and 20s and now in my 30s, certainly the way we work has changed, but I also sensed that the way the general public views celebrities has changed a lot. There is a social atmosphere that we shouldn’t ignore anybody’s opinion as well as the attitude that we should respect and accept even a young celebrity for who he or she is. There are still areas that need improvement, but I think there are more people now who agree that no one should just be hated. Every now and then, I’m touched to see how perspectives have changed.

[TL note: IU previously shared how she was called a pig and booed by the audience when she performed her Mia debut stage at the age of 16.]

Q: Even if you believe that ‘love will conquer all’, you will still be receiving explicit and undying hate. You’re dealing with the hate firmly?

I need to deal with this in separate ways. Some of this is really explicit hate. That’s called an opinion and shouldn’t be lumped together with the feedback that the general public sends me. I think there’s a need to draw a line to clearly and firmly differentiate the two.

Q: During your early days when you made your debut, you said you were afraid of receiving compliments like “you’re doing a good job given your age”. How do you feel about that now? Do you think you’ve become someone who does a good job irregardless of your age?

Having lived through my life so far, I think I’ve found the age that suits me best. In my teens and 20s, I was under pressure to show people an image of myself that matches the impression they have of someone that age. They looked forward to a much livelier and lovelier younger sister sort of image from me than I had the energy to pull off. Actually, at that age I was full of self-hatred and had a pessimistic world-view…

Q: Isn’t that what being a teen is like?

That’s right! That’s ‘real’. (TL note: The irony here that IU’s Real album was not the real IU.) Now even if I speak in my original tone, people won’t ask me, “IU, are you in a bad mood?” When I was young (TL note: younger), I would always have to speak in a tone 3 keys higher. Also, now that I’ve been in the industry for a long time, I get the sense that people no longer observe closely and wonder, ‘what stunt is she going to pull this time?’ They just listen to my music and accept my natural and familiar presence to receive the energy that they can receive from me. I’m grateful for that and I like it. I really like how I just have to think about how to show my thoughts through my music.

Q: You’re aware that you’re still young right?

If I were to have a goal, it would be to hear people say, “Wah, that grandmother is still doing a good job” when I am 75 or 80 years old. Since I heard people saying, “You’re doing a good job given your age” in my teens (laughs). That’s a big change for me. I used to think that when I get older, I would be doing something different, but currently, I’m confident that I’ll love my job for a long time.

Q: By the way, you wore the marshmallow suit and went to your 15th debut anniversary exhibition. Do you think your fans really didn’t recognise you? Or were they just pretending?

Yes! If they were just pretending, I would feel very sorry. How considerate they would have been, to pretend that they didn’t recognise me.. But I think they really didn’t know. I really don’t look good in the marshmallow suit. I’m the only short and ugly marshmallow we ever had (laughs).

Translated by IUteamstarcandy

[misscrawfords]

Hello, fanfic writer question, please. 1, 2, 9, 13, 40, 44, 58, 91. There were so many good ones! Thank you

I'm sorry for the delay in answering this! It was Easter and then I've been on holiday...

do you know how you want the story to end when you start, or are you just stumbling through the figurative wilderness hoping to find a road?

I never start writing unless I know the ending of the story. Like how the conclusions to essays should reflect the introduction, the ending of a story needs to be in the mind of the author from the beginning. But there might be quite a lot of wilderness in the middle I'm not sure about!

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

Actually, that doesn't really happen to me a lot. Stories unfurl and sometimes develop in cool ways when I think of a new bit of plot or development, but the characters don't really do this... I guess a kind of example was with my teenage HP next generation sequel where after writing it for quite a long time I realised one of the main characters was gay and this made so much sense! It wasn't relevant in any way to the plot but I felt I understood Xanthia so much better and it wasn't something I consciously plotted out.

9 - already answered

13. talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you.

Back when I wrote Downton fic, my collaboration with Claire (@orangeshipper) was such a lovely experience. We were just so in tune with each other in terms of what we wanted to convey about Matthew and Mary and it helped us both develop our writing skills a lot. And we became proper IRL friends too. I can't really imagine having a writing partner like that again.

40. best piece of feedback you’ve ever gotten.

Ooh, I don't know about anything specific but I always loved the comments that a fellow M/M shipper EOlivet left on my fic. We ended up kind of falling out but I was always sorry about that - she gave the best feedback! And @wah-pah also writes amazing reviews and I always feel incredibly grateful if she reads what I've written.

44. any writing advice you want to share?

Uhhhhh I'm not sure I, a person who hasn't written in ages, can give anyone any advice! But I guess I would say that writing has to be what you want to do and whatever you do is okay. I've wasted my emotions and my energy feeling competitive about my writing which is stupid when writers should support each other, and I've also felt jealous of people who seem able to write all the time on top of other lives or who are able to prioritise it or manage to write 1000 words a day or whatever. We all have different lives. Right now, my life doesn't admit of me pursuing writing seriously. It's the wrong point. I do hope at some point that will change but it's okay that I am prioritising other things at the moment. So I guess my advice would be to take it easy and not beat yourself up if you're not writing as much as you want to or how you want to - and definitely don't compare yourself to others!

58. what is the last thing that a fic made you google when you were writing it?

Golly, no idea. I'm sorry! It's been so long...

91. how has your writing style changed over the years?

Tricky. I'd like to think it's improved but honestly I'm not sure it has. I think I peaked when I was doing my masters degree, now over 10 years ago. I was so immersed in reading and the analysis of fiction I was really conscious of how I was writing. I wrote Consolation Prize and a lot of University Challenge then. I think I've got better at writing stories set in the modern era since then and perhaps developed more of a style. But tbqh I think I was a better writer ten years ago and I find that really depressing and it puts me off writing again. :(

[smallsimmer]

Get to Know Me- Sims Edition

Thank you @pixelatedpretties for the tag 🫡❤️❤️

I’m in the car riding back from dropping @pleaseputnamehere off back with her fam so excuse the phone formatting 🧌

What’s your favourite Sims death?

I haven’t actually *played* the game in years at this point, even when I did I never tried to kill my sims off intentionally so probably old age.

Alpha CC or Maxis Match?

Alpha 100% I respect the people who use mm cc but I’ve always liked the alpha look for s3.

Do you cheat your sims weight?

I’ve never had to since I don’t play but when I did play I still didn’t, I didn’t really care if they gained or lost weight 🧌

Do you use move objects?

Hard to pose sims with it off so yes 🫡

Favourite Mod?

Pose player, I’d be lost without it.

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

I think my first expansion was either pets or supernatural I can’t remember which it’s been so long but of the two supernatural was definitely my favorite.

Do you pronounce live mode or aLIVE or LiVing?

Living, I don’t like how aLIVE sounds.

Who’s your favourite sim that you’ve made?

Definitely Sparrow, I’ve had her in active use the longest and she’s gone through a lot of changes, I’d like to think if people associate a sim with my blog it’s her lmao.

Have you made a simself?

A really really bad one a long time ago.

Which is your favourite EA hair colour?

Can so tell these questions originated on the s*4 side haha, none tbh I make all my own hair colors.

Favourite EA hair?

I never use EA hairs but, I did download retextures of the island paradise hairs and I use the wet male hair that came with it sometimes.

Favourite life stage?

YA for sure

Are you a builder or are you in it for gameplay?

Neither lmao.

Are you a CC creator?

Technically ig lmao, I don’t upload cc publicly anymore but I still make/convert things for myself and my friends.

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

Oh that’s so cringe, my best friend tho is @pleaseputnamehere (pls come back I miss u already) as well as my other besties @mal-functioning @xinfibloomx also my bestie Alanna (I’ll tag her when I get home I need to bully her into posting more)

Do you have any sims merch?

No actually which is funny considering I’ve ran a blog about it for like ten years almost atp

How has your “Sims Style” changed throughout your years of playing?

Definitely gotten a lot better than it was, first version sparrow was….. interesting. I didn’t know how to make skins or anything back then and I had a lot of friends whose sims looked a lot better than mine, made me want to improve my own sims.

Whats your Origin ID?

No thank you!

Who’s your favourite CC creator?

I’m kinda in the business of just using my own stuff but I do appreciate the people who convert poses and other things.

I mostly use stuff from (other than myself):

@pleaseputnamehere (ily)

@rollo-rolls

@ifcasims

@satellite-sims

There’s definitely more but I’m tired and blanking rn

How long have you had simblr?

That post that tells you said I made my blog on November 30th 2013 so my blogs turning 10 this year I suppose.

How do you edit your pictures?

I use Sara’s reshade preset she made plus actions in PS she made, other than that it’s a matter of what needs to be liquified what needs to be fixed and how lazy I’m feeling that particular day.

What expansion/ stuff pack is your favourite?

Supernatural, I used to make households that had each life state in it and play like that for hours when I was younger.

tagging:

@pleaseputnamehere

@xinfibloomx

@mal-functioning

[electricbluebutterflies]

Kabby + “ are you okay with me touching you? “

Post-s2 grayspace / turned into something of a spiral about ignoring chronic pain and I haven't actively projected through these babes in years but it's fun to know I still can. PG-ish and also on ao3.

This is getting awkward.

The fact that Abby even has a concept of awkward… would surprise most people who know her, she’s pretty sure, but she does occasionally acknowledge the existence of social boundaries even if she doesn’t cling to them unlike some people and-

She’s been in medical since she was old enough to qualify for training. She has seen everything and knows how to be calm about it even if the occasional image imprints itself in her mind for longer than it needs to stay. This is still awkward as hell.

It’s been a few weeks since the most recent blur of everything-that-could-possibly-go-wrong-went-spectacularly-wrong, which is to say that she has recovered from her recent physical damage and her counterpart has not because he’s the only person she’s ever met who’s more stubborn than she is and-

All her experience has not covered how to explain to someone with that particular flavor of charming personality that they’re probably going to have recurring pain in a bad spot for the rest of their natural life, and that might entail some difficulty moving around on an intermittent basis, and maybe they should alter their usual activities just a little bit, and-

This would be easier if it was literally anyone else she’s ever known. She’s not that lucky.

Recent… personality developments do not help the situation, and if anything make it worse. At least six months ago Marcus was a very, very consistent type of jerk. She could – and did, more than she’ll ever admit – plan around how precise and predictable all of his schemes were. They don’t have that anymore, and why is she in the position of wishing that the person who has become her main source of stability would just go back to being an asshole already because she knew how to work with that, and-

She’s managed to insist on weekly check-ins. Their communication style has improved – become existent, she thinks sometimes, become polite and more organized instead of their previous array of bad habits – and they don’t actually need these meetings for any reason having to do with herding around an entire civilization, and it always becomes just a little too personal and-

She has no one else left. She’s pretty sure he’s never had anyone else. Again the idea of might as well drive each other crazy so no one else has to deal with them sounds a lot like a reasonable justification.

“Are you okay with me touching you?”

If there’s one thing she’d keep out of recent developments, one new detail she deeply enjoys above all else, it’s how breakable Marcus has become. She’s made him speechless more times in the past three weeks than in the thirty or so years before that, and it’s so strange to watch, how easily she overwhelms him and-

“That depends on-“

“I just want to check some pressure points. Over clothes, not…”

And on the subject of things she’ll never unsee…

Look, boundaries are what they are and she did not do anything inappropriate, but there are… details she is now aware of due to the location of that particular injury, because of course that man went and took that much damage to his thigh, and she has done nothing she would not have done with anyone else but the goddamn visuals-

“Fine. I have nothing better to do than be a pincushion.”

Broken but not completely, she thinks – they still have the potential to spar at each other, rare as it is now, and-

“Nothing worse than my hands, don’t worry. And it’ll be easier if you stay standing up.”

“Has anyone suggested lately that you might be a sadist?”

Abby rolls her eyes. “Shut up, I haven’t even touched you yet. And if you weren’t so…”

He would’ve been bad enough just adapting to how time changes a body, she thinks. This whole development is just…

“What do you want?”

“You to admit you have a breaking point and you like to cross it.”

“Like you’re any better.”

Yeah, well, she’s done a little better on the major injuries front lately, but…

“I do not have as many physical tasks as you in the first place. And you could delegate once in a while and-“

“Like you’re any better,” he repeats.

“I do not have anywhere near as many possible alternates as you do. We are playing with different rules here and-“

Screw this, she thinks, putting her hand on his thigh like she’d intended. Lightest pressure, watching reactions, watching-

“Stop. Please.”

“Is that enough of a hint? Are you even aware-“

“I have to-“

“No. No you don’t. Your atonement is not going to be through your body, no matter what you-“

“Like you have any right to-“

“Have you even thought about what happens if you’re sidelined or-“

“We survived that, remember?”

“Yeah, you were running circles around me well before-“

“Someone had to-“

“Why is someone always you?!”

For a moment a flicker of something adrift in his eyes, answers not found to questions not formed and-

“Why shouldn’t it be? I have-“

“Who the fuck asked you to bleed for your mistakes?”

“Let’s see, I forget how many times you alone suggested it as a solution but it’s at least in the hundreds, maybe thousands, maybe-“

“Screw me for thinking that would be the first time you ever listened to me,” she mutters.

“Is doing better now really enough for you?”

“I haven’t even thought about how to get rid of your body since we landed. You do realize how weird that is for me.”

“You have always been very direct…”

“And that’s why I’m the only person who can get through to you, and that’s why as much as I want to give up completely sometimes…”

“You don’t have to-“

“I’m not trying to fix you. You’re doing an interesting enough job of that on your own. I just… think everything is a little easier if you’re around to deal with it with me.”

His hand covers hers, resting now on his leg, and they are not like this and maybe they are like this, and-

“Thank you.”

“For?”

“Not giving up.”

[un-local]

"Heretical Practitioners"

Also of note, there's another hat outside of Rogier and Alberich's that mentions heresy in its decription.

Ranni's.

Snow Witch Hat Witch's pointed hat, frigid and frozen through. Of a style associated with practitioners of heretical sorcery. Strengthens cold sorcery. Once worn by the snowy crone who the young Ranni encountered deep in the woods. She was a witch, and well versed in cold sorceries. It is said that the doll that houses Ranni's soul was modeled after her. That old witch was Ranni's secret mentor.

Now, I do think "cold and heretical" can be pretty easily tied to the Mountaintops of the Giants. The Bloodthorn family comes to mind, but I'm not entirely sure that's what's being referenced.

Of possible interest here is the Sword of Night and Flame. From it, it sounds likely that other kinds of magic predate Bloodthorn/Abberant magic on the mountaintops:

Sword of Night and Flame: Storied sword and treasure of Caria Manor. One of the legendary armaments. Astrologers, who preceded the sorcerers, established themselves in mountaintops that nearly touched the sky, and considered the Fire Giants their neighbors.

Sorcerers of some kind have long-held ties there, and I'd presume that Ranni's mentor was one of these sorcerers who lived near the Fire Giants. (Or was otherwise a descendant of those sorcerers, since all we know is that Ranni found her in an unspecified forest.)

(Although... the sword mentions those who precede the Astrologers. Alberich's staff, which improves thorn sorcery, mentions those blinded by thorns finding the "blood star...")

(I don't know. Maybe this thorn sorcery mentor theory has something to stand on. Unsure. Anyway.)

Idk what my point here is, other than that I like that Rogier is linked to both Alberich and Ranni implictly via descriptions of their respective hats.

Alberich's Pointed Hat Mad Tongue Alberich's pointed hat, a sign of a heretical practitioner. Set with red glintstones said to be formed by the blood of sacrifices. Strengthens thorn sorcery.  Alberiches was an aloof yet disturbed heretical sorcerer said to have been driven mad by jeering tongues during his service to the Roundtable Hold long ago. 

Spellblade's Pointed Hat Glintstone sorcerer Rogier's traveling attire, graced with an intricate, aristocratic decoration. Strengthens glintstone sorcery skills. Rogier spent his entire life behaving with utter detachment. No one noticed the anger, grief, regret, or fear that existed along with it.

Alberich and Rogier had a lot of obvious similarities, which I've haphazardly outlined in the past, but Rogier and Ranni...

Godwyn's killer, and the one who would seek to save him. Both seek to better the world, in different ways. Consider Rogier's lines about Glintstone sorcery:

They were conceived at the great Academy of Raya Lucaria, to the north of this castle. In the past, they obeyed laws which contravened the Golden Order, or so I'm told. Fascinating, isn't it? That the Golden Order was pliable enough to absorb practices that contradicted itself in the past. With the Order broken, twisted, and in need of repair, such adaptability is more important now than ever.

His sounds more partial to the idea of salvaging the current order. Trying to “fix” the flaw in the Order created by Ranni’s plot.

I don't know. it's all fascinating to me. How The Lands Between treats people, how they seek to change it in turn.

Alberich served the Hold in some capacity, was ridiculed by its members, and so he turned on them.

Rogier lost the guidance of grace, but still seemed to be more favorable to the idea of sustaining the Order—of changing its form and using it's power to fix things.

Ranni was set to become a god, but she sought to rid the world of the whole thing in pursuit of something better.

Individual Revenge/Retribution (Alberich) vs. Structural Change (Rogier) vs Complete Redefinement (Ranni).

Anyway. No big closer on this one. Just a little thing I thought was cool.

[ginnyw-potter]

2022 Wrapped

Tagged by the lovely @ginwiz

Post the top 5 works you're most proud of that you released in 2022 (not necessarily your most popular)

I genuinely don't remember half the things I posted this year but let's see what I CAN remember.

A Guiding Light: While I am already seeing all the things I did wrong with this fic, it's the first time in a long while I posted a longer fic and is what got me back into fanfic writing.

Wreck My Plans: Taking a stab at a healing Harry and Ginny, working on a different pacing was really fun.

Kissing Is Serious Business: The fic where I did a lot of research into more descriptive writing. It's one of those fics I can tell changed my overall writing style

The Get-Along Sweater : I loved exploring the idea of Hinny getting together earlier and having more time together. The whole stuck in sweater premise was fun too

Paint!Voldie gets a visitor: I don't write crack fics often so it was interesting to work on this!

your top 4 current WIPs that you're excited to release in the new year

Knight of Mine: I have already posted two chapters but I am so excited to post more and the response has been amazing. I am starting to love exploring their connection through little AUs

Peverell's Progeny: This was meant to be posted before Knight of Mine, having already written 100K words for this but I got sidetracked (See nr 1) . Muggle!AU Best friends to Lovers to oh fuck I am pregnant. Also Harry is a secret service agent

???: Unnamed oneshot about Ginny being a cat animagus

Horsing Around: A soulbond AU (I like those - deal with it) that I already posted the first part of but plan to expand.

your top 3 biggest improvements in your writing over the past year

being more descriptive. I am always focused on conversations and my descriptions suffer for it.

POV and head hopping. I have the Discords to thank for the discussions I catch about those things. I think I have become more deliberate in choosing a POV and stopped head hopping

As a very chaotic writer, I recently found out how to make structuring work for me and it really helped me write more efficiently

your top 2 resolutions (ways you wish to improve your writing/blog) for the new year

Work more on descriptions and finding a balance between inner monologue/description/conversation

Comment more on other people's stuff. I already read and commented more but I know I can do better.

and your number 1 favorite line you've written this year

It's hard to pick one I truly love, but I think I like this one because I know people liked it too. From 'The Dating Life of Ginny Weasley'

"I didn't think..."

“I’d want to marry you?” he finished her sentence and looked at her fondly. It amused him greatly that she seemed to be at a loss for words right now. It took a lot to reduce Ginny to silence. He leaned to her ear. “You can be my slutty wife.” 

Tagging (feel free to ignore if you already did or don't want to): @turanga4, @celestemagnoliathewriter and @gryffindorhealer

[detectivenyx]

2022 IN REVIEW

2022 kind of mostly felt like an extension of 2021, which felt like an extension of 2020. y’know, conga line of This Pandemic Fucking Sucks, fighting against our mental health for our fucking life, feeling like the system is stringing us along for all we’re worth.

with that said? 2022 did not feel as bad as 2021.

for one, rather than multiple people stabbing me in the back, only one did this year! improvement! (somehow, nyx’s tone indicates both sarcasm and genuine belief). additionally, he stabbed us in the back so hard that literally nobody decent wants anything to do with him, and even some people that are absolutely terrible thought he was terrible. (granted, a couple of those people were hypocrites, but that’s neither here nor there, and since i know you’re still stalking me after an entire year because you lack any real hobbies, you’re both rape apologists and i hope you get smallpox).

for two, it was the year of me finally putting my foot down and deciding youtube would get the videos i wanted to produce when i wanted to produce them, instead of a long line of half-assed small meme videos. i still make the small meme videos, but when i want to make them, not when the One Week Since An Upload Deadline is looming over my head. i think im still in recovery mode, but given i have multiple larger scripts and The Hunted on the horizon - and making progress! - i think im on my way to being recovered and able to kind of return in a sense. when i do return, i’d like to do a bit of an overhaul to my channel - new avatar, new logo, new avatar, and possibly a new name? name changes are always going to be the hardest to push, since your name is your most recognizable branding. although, i have the feeling that the absolute ridiculousity we produce will be able to tip people off to it.

and for three, there’s the absolute conga line of conservative, right-wing assholes finally being told ‘no’ and facing some actual consequences - some dying, some being told to pay out millions in fines and debt. さようなら or whatever to shinzo ‘NO WAGE! ONLY BREED!’ abe, pip-pip cheerio to Her Grotesquecy elizabeth alexandria mary, and praying upon apollo to bestow me with the gifturse of prophecy for the other rich english bitch and may she get crushed by a bookcase to start 2023 or end 2022. may betty white’s passing to break our curse be a tale of incredible sacrifice and may she rest in peace.

there’s a long way to go and there’s a lot to do, but this year has been downright hopeful.

last year’s ‘year in review’ mentioned i would be no longer setting explicit resolutions for the new year for myself, and instead trying to ‘theme’ my years. This year was the Year of Creativity - and uh, i don’t know how much I succeeded in that regard. i certainly did some creative things, but because i spent a lot of the year in recovery mode and going through mental health assessment appointments, i couldn’t achieve the goal as much as i wanted to. but i did create some things, and so long as i did that, the year wasn’t a bust, despite removing a creative outlet (but it was tiktok, which was 1% creative to 99% timesink).

i did make a few things - a long-ish running au with a friend, that i may wind up making a (hidden) blog for in 2023 to kind of Goncharov it with, pretend it’s a long-running TV series with all my unhinged rambly thoughts on it. i also managed to finish some work on The Hunted, and it’s the year i decided to take up a pledge in regards to clothing (towards the end, but still): i would make my clothes. if i cannot make it, and i cannot afford to buy it from an independent seller or small business, i will not have it. i would rather focus on cultivating my own style than focusing on what is currently ‘trending’. currently, though, my style does seem to be aimed squarely 70-80 years in the past, towards the post-war 40s and 50s. and at edwardian and EGL fashion. just something that looks clean and crisp and well-made and flattering, rather than something trendy off shein that will fall apart in a few wears and may or may not have actual lead dyes in it.

that all constitutes making things - i think i only really considered the theme of the year towards the end of it, however. i said i’d try to get the prologue for The Hunted out by 2022, but that was before executive dysfunction, an entire hairdressing course, and several months of my dad getting even more bold with his abuse of me driving me into further dysfunction, kicking my ass - regardless, i’m still very sorry i didn’t hold true to that. i might be able to get it done by the end of 2023, but that’s still a massive Might.

additionally, towards the end of 2022, i began re-examining my place in the world - towards a community i’d tried time and time again to call home in the past two years, but couldn’t and constantly felt like an outsider. i made far too many concessions in what i should’ve let slide, just because i wanted to belong somewhere that wasn’t my computer desk. it was the kind of community that had been built up over years of gossip and backstabbing and kept alive via activism that was completely and utterly performative. in the end, i felt more isolated and outsider than ever. i often got referred to as my best friend’s “+1″ in the community and what was once a funny joke felt just. harrowing and unshakeable. and yet despite me being able to lay it out pretty easily now, i couldn’t figure out what the problem was for the longest time.

then i played monster prom 3 with a. an old uni friend, and b. my friends i’ve known for 8 years now. that blew the suitcase wide open.

when playing with them, i felt like i was actually included - part of a group. i felt listened to. i felt human again - a feeling that, since the pandemic began, between the parental abuse, the abuse by youtube, and now the exclusion of a community, had been so fleeting that i’d almost forgotten how it felt. and that, alongside a new social worker into gaming, actually helped me look back on the past and identify that i seem to thrive way more in gaming communities. the cosplay community in my local area is almost entirely anime-centric, which i have 0 interest in, and any attempt i’ve made to introduce my interests kind of just got ignored. i’m looking to, in 2023, join up with some local tabletop gaming communities, and just get more immersed into gaming - hoping to make more friends in that area. it’ll likely wind up being cheaper too, so i can focus on sewing as well - i still love cosplay, but i think it’s time to retire as a public cosplayer who posts about it and return to the roots of ‘i just like dressing up :D’.

i think that clears up 2022 in review, so the next post is 2023′s yearly theme.

[dimiclaudeblaigan]

Because of your polls, I've been comparing what I like about the PoR sprites vs. the RD ones. I like the RD art style better, I think, because it seems more fluid and polished, but seeing the sprites side by side, the PoR ones have a whole lot more personality. Like Sanaki, for example. Radiant Dawn she looks kind of blank, but in Path of Radiance she looks like a smug mischief maker. What do you think?

That's cool to hear! It's something I had been doing/thinking of, which is why I started making polls. I'd been wondering how other people saw the designs as someone who prefers Ranger Ike's design the most out of all his designs. I had a feeling his RD Hero and PoR Lord designs would be more popular, but that's why I was curious. Seeing people's tags has been helpful too!

I do agree that PoR's designs look a lot more colorful and lively. They have a lot more personality and individuality. RD's designs are definitely more polished and you can see that extremely well in the armor shading. A lot of PoR's shading just looks like a solid color slapped on to make up for shading. I don't totally mind it because it feels like a stylistic choice too, but you can tell there was a lot of improvement between the games.

In some cases I think the designs for RD were handled perfectly, like you mentioned Sanaki. I think her design in RD actually makes her look more grown and mature, which reflects her character. Then you have like, Tanith where you get basically nothing out of her design as far as character, and it's more at that point whether or not you prefer the image itself.

Like for me I love both of Shinon's designs, but his PoR design reflects his personality in that game perfectly imo, and then his RD design does imo actually reflect that he's matured and chilled out a whole lot. He still retains a lot of the same traits in his appearance as far as being able to match it to his character/personality, but you can also see character growth imo in a lot of the RD portraits.

RD definitely made a lot of the characters look more generic compared to PoR's style, but I always wondered if that was intentional. In RD everything is a lot more serious immediately. From start to finish, RD has a much darker undertone. All the designs look more mature. Gatrie for example seems like "the same guy" but less carefree/casual.

Haar seems like he takes his job a little more seriously and has grown from his experiences, but you can also tell he's the same guy as in PoR. Naesala is extremely similar to Haar in that you can kind of feel his growth in his design. You can still feel the same core character and see that some things are the same, but you can also see the changes in their personality without having to directly see their dialogue yet.

It's also pretty interesting for me how extreme Ike's design changes are from Ranger to Vanguard. I do genuinely get the feeling that he really did not want to lead an army again. He wasn't going to be mean to Sanaki about it, but he made it clear he didn't actually want anything to do with that. He took on a job for Ranulf because they were close friends, but he didn't intend for everything to turn out the way it did and end up leading a whole army again. Since he was only a hired sword for the Laguz Alliance, that kind of pressure wasn't there.

You can see maturity in his design, and he's grown and takes things more seriously (seriously as in, for instance, he's less emotional in RD, as if both growing up and all the warring has given him a thicker skin. He's not as prone to emotional outbursts, which he had a fair chunk of in PoR). You can tell you're not following the story of a 17 year old anymore.

Comparing his Hero portrait to his Vanguard portrait, he genuinely just looks tired. Like so much has happened since the prologue of PoR and he's been through so much emotional weight that it's taken a huge toll on him. Tbh, I don't really blame him for his ending. He tried to return to a regular mercenary life and ended up going through the same shit all over again, except like, ten times worse basically with humanity almost ending.

Things were going fine when he took the job for the Laguz Alliance originally, but I think ending up in a continent wide mess was too much for him. Both in his dialogue and in his portrait, I feel like that really shows. Something people who hated his ending seem to forget is that he was only in his early 20s when that happened, and it was the second time he'd been thrown into a war as the army commander when he was openly against being in that role.

I know it might sound a bit wild to say all that just from designs, but I really do see it that way when it comes to the differences in the designs between the games. I can't look at some of them and see the exact same characterization. When I look at Reyson I see a more mature, relaxed, less hateful person. His portrait in PoR is much more upright in posture, and he has a much more proud overall atmosphere to his design. In RD it's more serene and like he doesn't feel the need to put on that front anymore. Tibarn meanwhile looks more serious, as if to reflect not his character which is overall the same, but the gravity of the war and his position in it (which is, in his personal case, a pretty big deal considering what happened to Phoenicis).

I also think PoR did a perfect job at looking colorful and fun without being over the top. One of the biggest issues people seem to have with Engage is the designs, and I can understand that because I think they are a little too colorful in that they pop out too much and seem mismatched in a way. I've always loved looking at the Greil Mercenaries' designs as a whole because I'm always like "I love them, they're so colorful!", but with Engage it feels more... distracting? PoR's colors feel like a perfect mix of fun but not hard on the eyes and too distracting from the game. I think it's also because it's a VTuber style due to the artist being a VTube artist or some such, versus a more traditional RPG style.

I pretty much agree with you about how you feel about both art styles, and I don't really have a definitive "I like this one more" either. Some I prefer in PoR's style and some I prefer in RD's style.

or you could just say for rd's style that they've all seen some shit and that about perfectly sums up why they all look so dead inside

[noxyfied]

Hey, I am making a comic. Wanna hear about it?

Being a busy person during the next couple of years, I managed to get something out of it. My digital skills have quite improved from their humble beginnings when I got my first drawing tablet. It was just then, I had to start new. I always been a story writer by heart, one who likes to put parts of their personal life into the stories I have written. But some may say:

"Well it is obvious everyone does that"

Yes! that is very so true, but I felt as I inserted too much of myself into these stories I was a self insert by that time.

Looking back, is it embarrassing? yes, and so will be the things past 2019.

Nevertheless, I had to start fresh. Be original, be something you can proudly stand in front of people and tell them without feeling as your pants just disappeared when the crowd is staring.

Well, it's 2020. What a year ain't it

Someone such as myself who graduated from college with a Illustrator degree came down to a big feeling of pride and motivation to finally start writing.

Something that connects to myself without really making me the protagonist in anyways, I had to create LIFE!.

Make my own characters was first before anything else, this is better than nothing right?.

I am getting there!

But what would be the media I would present this story with characters whom exist in this void in my head?

I am no literary writer so writing it to a book will not work.

I cannot animate for the life of me, so no.

Film? Get out of here! how am I supposed to get a purple fox and a blue hair woman from.

It did came to my mind that just like a light bulb moment, a graphic novel it is!

Clearly I was getting somewhere...

...So it's 2022, about that comic I was about to make.

Well as changes through my art style came around, I now have 2 years of working in the digital medium, and I think I have improved from before right?

Right?

Well I would like to say that I did. The whole reason it has taken this long is for the insecurity of the quality of the art, I thought i made the right choice since I was still very early on my digital years. While traditionally it was much longer, but this is different.

2 Years is quite a lot, I felt ready. Although my biggest issue other than skill was the procrastination.

I may not come as the fastest worker you have known. That's it.

The true is that if i did not work on this now, then when? I do not want this to take any longer when I have already developed the story in my head, and have kept notes in my trusty notebook too.

This is not the year, at the moment I am still sketching pages for the comic...

the comic...

THE COMIC

The conic is called Nox & Neva! with a brief summary I want to come to mention what I used from my life to inspire me to make it the way how i want it to.

This is a story of a woman and a fox. yes a FOX (ice fox to be specific).

Throughout my years I have come to enjoy two types of media, dwelling into their individual communities and people. I am quite a fanatic of what I am presenting within the two and the world the live in.

the characters!

Nox: An ice fox in which who is very sleepy, very closed. Do they wish to have some company? maybe, that would be nice if they stumble upon it. Nox tends to live on their own apartment in which could use some cleaning. with that idea in mind; Nox would rather have someone clean it for them. What better way than hiring someone!.

Nox may come to be small, introverted, and perhaps not very talkative. But they do have some heart. Morals still have to be there right? Nox grew to learn them and learn about themselves.

Neva: Quite the girl, what can't she do!?

Well a lot of things, the perfect white collared worker of which you can put her in any type of job and she would instantly become number one at everything. With a few degrees from amazing schools, at what cost is all of that if she cannot open her apartment door to any guests?. Maybe working at so many offices, moving from place to place, has her have enough. At least for now, she quits her job and starts from zero, nothing looks good yet. Neva has quite the mind and body to be quite perfect, maybe a bit too perfect? She is still an extrovert, or she at least thinks. She is not good at parties. Neva just needs something more than a coworker, but a friend. how hard can that be right?.

This is Nox and Neva, the story of two quite different people who find to meet each other during a hiring, from a boss and worker to quite the friends.

How will they develop this friendship, or what will the discover from themselves thanks to the other. This is their beginning.

It's not easy to write, nor will it ever be. This is my chance to do this, and working 2 years on this means a lot to me. Reflecting on the story on yourself, and yeah you wish for success as much as for those fictional people. everyone has goals, and seek for it under their own story.

But this is the beginning, their beginning. They will become friends, but it will take it's time. And so will a lot of things.

But for me, I am having the best time of my life drawing these goobers.

[deertaz]

I'm Back

This account was something I made when I was 14 and in a very bleak time of my life. I have deleted most of my old posts, not only because I wish to forget that time, but also because as an adult, I now understand how venting towards a public space can validate and enable the self-harmful behaviours of other people.

Luckily this account got nothing more that a few notes, with a handful of people looking at what I posted. But, I would like to apologise to anybody who saw my posts and were triggered by it.

I never participated in any group chats or messages encouraging my or the EDs of others. Even then, I saw the danger of such things. However, through sharing my experiences and harmful thoughts in visceral detail, I may have contributed to the validation of others as mentally damaged as I was at the time. Again, I am lucky that next to nobody saw this account.

So, take this as a reintroduction of myself;

Hi, I'm 'Taz', I'm 19. I'm in Uni right now with a freelance job. I love dressing in alternative 'gothic' styles, listening to emo, metal, goth and alternative music. I've experienced a lot since I've been gone, and have been incredibly lucky over the past 3-4 years since my departure.

I have gained lifelong friends who truly value me for the person I am. I graduated high school at 16 and, since then, have found a confidence in myself that I never knew I had. I am capable, thriving and happy with myself and the things I have accomplished so far. I spoke in front of a crowd of 200 last year, and realised how the only thing holding me back is myself.

I no longer feel ashamed about my interests, nor my appearance. I don't hide my love for childish and nerdy things. I'm just a bit odd, but standing out both appearance-wise and personality-wise have turned out to be an asset. It has drawn the most remarkable and kind people to me. I met my platonic soulmate, who has been my best friend for 3 years.

And yes, I have not been friends with that girl I ranted about in 2019 for over 4 years (left the post up since I believe it isn't harmful). What she said and did to me wasn't okay, I'm proud of myself for finally being able to cut her out of my life. I was a very insecure lonely person, who didn't understand how friends should treat you. I never had friends as a child, since I was considered weird. So joining high school (I was 11, UK) made me try to change myself, I was quiet and agreeable. When she offered me friendship I was very happy, but did not have the self confidence nor the wisdom to realise that she was treating me horribly. I understand now, and am quite a lot better with setting boundaries.

I have had two partners, and one on and off situationship thing (lol). I'm not a lesbian, I'm Bi with a preference for women. My parents know. I have a 17 year old brother who I love to pieces, every day I am taken a-back by how much I get on with him. I value our closeness and am very grateful that he's in my life.

My relationship with my mother has been rocky at times, especially from 10-16. But I no longer live at home, so my interactions with her have improved a lot. I love her, she is a kind person, though very temperamental. She is also no longer bedridden!

I am now 19, I am older. I am much better at handling her outbursts. I stand up for myself without shouting back. I realised the best way to respond to her is either by removing myself, or by asking her questions, 'did you take your meds today?', 'why do you think you are angry?', 'Does this warrant shouting?'.

My favourite thing to say is, 'I love you mum, but I hate how you are acting right now.'

It shows to her that I love her, what I'm saying isn't an attack on her character, but on her current actions. It's a pretty good way of letting her know (I think).

Anyways, rant over (for now). For anybody still struggling with an ED, please seek comfort in others. Tell somebody. It's a slow recovery, and you might relapse a few times before it gets better. But it does get better. For anybody still in those awful teen years, it's a shitty waiting game but the end post is in sight, and it's a path to something far brighter.

-Taz

[jambjars]

ACADEMIC BLOG POST 8- Emotions and Affect: Getting Mad from the Comfort of Home

*Note: Blog 7 is appearing prior to Blog 1, it exists, just scroll down!

This week, we're back to the Rust Belt of the United States to talk about Emotion and Affect through the 2017 video game Night in the Woods.

Finji's 2018 Switch Trailer for Night in the Woods

The game follows its main character Mae Borowski (all characters are stylized as animals, but the stories are human) after she drops out from university and returns to her hometown, the rural town of Possum Springs. It's a community also suffering the effects of a dying coal industry; all its youth want to move to a more prosperous place and all of its mom-and-pop shops are being replaced by corporately-owned megastores. Despite Mae returning home for some familiarity and comfort in a tumultuous time, she's faced with the idea that things are changing whether she likes it or not and that ignoring her persisting mental health issues isn't sustainable.

These are all themes that hit home with me in quite a personal way, even more so through the specific way that Night in the Woods explores them. The storytelling techniques the game uses make that even more true in how they force the player to engage with the story through an extremely flawed protagonist. Engaging conversationally with characters and feeling trapped between two horrible answers is an excellent way to elicit uncomfort in your audience and to make them emotionally invested in fixing what Mae is breaking. This is in line with Night in the Woods's themes of responsibility. By making players emotionally responsible for the characters in Mae's life, the game is creating a feedback loop that ensures that the audience keeps engaging in empathetic choices.

It's worth mentioning that audiences might not extend the same grace to Mae if she was not the controlled character. Without the ability to make some good choices for her, to know she's capable of them, she might be seen as intolerable to some. Indeed, after I played this game for the first time and fell in love with it in 2017, I was surprised to learn how little understanding a lot of players afford Mae, calling her selfish, impulsive, and destructive. She is all of those things, most likely due to her unaddressed poor mental health preventing her from making connections in university and growing as a person, but that felt so natural to me as a 16 year old I couldn't understand why people were less than empathetic towards her. When playing it again, now that I'm older, I still see myself in Mae in more ways perhaps than I did in 2017, but I understand why and how people shy away from her now.

Night in the Woods includes characters belonging to several underrepresented communities-- in diverse not only in of sexuality and gender identity, but also in class, addiction, and mental health. These issues are vastly unexplored in media but are approached in such a realistic manner, and only explored fully through Mae should she engage in the world as though she intends to improve. In this way, she extends an affective bridge to the characters around her and they improve as a result. Mae is still suffering grief and plenty of other issues of her own, but in making the decision to engage with the world, she is making it a better place.

In terms of my own practice:

Night in the Woods has inexorably changed me as a person and an artist. My artistic style has changed because of it, the narratives I lean towards have been impacted by my experience of it, and I can't forget the journal habit i picked up at the age of 16 stemming from Mae herself. For this course, that means utilizing affective techniques wherever I can, because I want my work to mean things to people the way NITW does to me. While I can't (or probably shouldn't attempt) to make a whole video game for this course with limited dialogue options, I can employ that in other ways by exploring my own relationship to the places I come from honestly, and not backing off if things get uncomfortable.

Bibliography

Finji (2018). Night in the Woods Trailer [Nintendo Switch]. [online] Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OXcdirHAKM0&ab_channel=Finji [Accessed 1 Dec. 2023].

Flunderingchipper (2022). Monstrous Existence - An Analysis of Night in the Woods. [online] Available at: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_uYeAg_2R0&ab_channel=Flunderingchipper [Accessed 3 Dec. 2023].

Benson, Infinite Fall, et al (2017). Night in the Woods [Video Game] Finji.

Pane, S. (2017). Night in the Woods is the Working Class Fiction I’ve Been Waiting For. [online] Paste Magazine. Available at: https://www.pastemagazine.com/games/night-in-the-woods/night-in-the-woods-is-the-working-class-fiction-iv [Accessed 25 Nov. 2023].

Petit, C. (2017). What Lies Beneath: On the Love and Anger of Night in the Woods. [online] Feminist Frequency. Available at: https://feministfrequency.com/2017/03/10/what-lies-beneath-on-the-love-and-anger-of-night-in-the-woods/.

Saas, D. (2017). ‘Night in the Woods’ Is Soulful, Empathetic, and Too Real. [online] Vice. Available at: https://www.vice.com/en/article/nz5vzm/night-in-the-woods-is-soulful-empathetic-and-too-real.

Veale, K. (2021). ‘If anyone’s going to ruin your night, it should be you’: Responsibility and affective materiality in Undertale and Night in the Woods. Convergence- Sage Journals, [online] 8(2), pp.451–467. doi:https://doi.org/10.1177/13548565211014434.

Bonus self-portrait doodles featuring myself and the NITW protagonist, Mae.