#she's barbie and he's just ken is basically what he said LOL

[thelittlehansy]

Barbie is Maleficent Bis : pretend te be feminist while putting down orignal Barbie

So i have Watch Barbie. Sadly I hate it 🥲because i adore the actors and the existential crisis of Barbie was very interesting idea ( not really exploit on the movie) . Really I hate that movie. there was plenty reasons that make me hate the movie but the ultimate one : thats basically Mattel version of Maleficent. And I hate maleficent for what it did to sleeping beauty 😂😭

that's a movie that is gonna passed his whole marketing campaign trying to hype you about something beloved from your childhood promising a coherent adult story about that beloved character/story. ( sleeping beauty/Barbie) but once in the cinema : this has nothing to do with the source material when they whole existence is based on. They put adult theme very weird such like Rape and patriarchal society ( wtf) but also they are extremely insulting piece of movie because the Writer that was thinking herself so smart and feminist end up not making any single research about the source material or just not caring and decided to put down original aurora. Original Barbie. Which is the whole contrary of feminism putting down an other women.

( long post and spoiler ) my post is more about discovering the world of orignal Barbie that a review of Barbie.

1- Ken

Ken in the movie is an accessory Not Barbie lover he had no job except beach ?

Yeah like king Stefan who is a loving father for aurora who is gonna want to cancel the wedding because he care for her feeling is gonna be turn into a Monster that don’t give a fuck about aurora….

well i make research 2 second thats actually Fake news !

Ken was always mean to be the PERFECT MEN for WOMEN ! He is sweet but still mainly !! He is cool but not stupid !

Ken is Barbie’s counterpart. He is her double. Her twins in some way. he is NOT an stupid silly extension. and have plenty activity. Kenneth is Barbara Brother in real life.

( exclusive reaction of ryan gosling when he read the script)😂 love that gif

« Kenneth Sean "Ken" Carson is a fashion doll and fictional character introduced by American toy company Mattel in 1961 as the counterpart of Barbie, who was introduced two years earlier Ken was introduced as a male counterpart of Barbie by American toy company Mattel in 1961 » Wiki

So Ken was always mean to be Barbie male version and that’s logically because when we think of Barbie we think immediately of Ken after he is not just Ken that’s only a weird idea of the movie. And little girl playing less with Ken is just the sign that they prefer Barbie because she is a girl not that Ken is a silly little dumb acessories for Barbie.

He was named after Kenneth Handler, Son of Barbie creator/inventor Ruth Handler, just as Barbie was named after her daughter.

like a said before....Sick. really Sick. because the whole moving passed his whole time humiliating Ken. And Ruth is gonna meet Barbie and have a mother-daughter meeting so son are useless I m sure Ruth handler is gonna appreciated ! Lol! love it ! 😍

I found GOLD in wiki that give you a taste of their mind behind that movie : in the movie Ken is said to be only silly jobless dolls and Barbie a super powerful doll because she can all the jobs she want.

All Ken occupation on wiki 😝 ( yeah Ken WORKS just like Barbie ) : Total 76 some examples : Astronaut (clothing pack 1965) Banker (playset 1995[17]) Barista (2019[18]) Baseball player (clothing pack 1991[19]). Basketball player (clothing pack 2021[20])Beach (2023[21]) Boxer (clothing pack 1963[16]) Businessman (clothing pack 1992[22]) Cameraman (playset 1987[23]) Coach (clothing pack 1992[24]) Country Western singer (1999[25]) Cowboy (Venezuela-exclusive Llanero 1989[26]) Dancer (2011[27]) and plenty others Dentist

Ken have occupation just like barbie....the only fake occupation come from the movie..."beach" so there is not any "Ken is jobless and Barbie is better than him" thats a made up fairy tale of the movie that want to belittle men.

II- BARBILAND

Just like the land in maleficent has nothing to do with sleeping beauty same same for Barbie. In the Movie they live on a World where Women hate on men and men after on women not treat them really well. A Matriarchal society. where Ken suffer and Barbie don’t love him.

BARBILAND ORIGINAL WORLD

Barbie's sisters ( all info are found on wiki it’s long I copy the text )

Skipper Roberts (1964–2003, 2009–present): The first character added to Barbie's family, she is Barbie's younger sister. Originally around 8-years-old, she was changed to a 14-year-old later on. After stopping production in 2003, Skipper dolls returned in 2009 with brown hair and a new colored streak (purple or blue) in her hair. She is one of the main characters in Life in the Dreamhouse and its follow-ups, where she is shown to love technology, music and gadgets.

Stacie Roberts (1990–present): Originally introduced as Kelly in the 1990 Wedding Day Midge gift set as the flower girl, this doll was renamed and re-introduced as Stacie shortly thereafter in 1992, and the Kelly name was instead used for her younger sister. In Life in the Dreamhouse and Dreamhouse Adventures, Stacie is 11 years old and shown to be a competitive, skilled athlete. She has her own line of sports-themed dolls called "Team Stacie".

Kelly/Chelsea Roberts (1995–2010 as Kelly, 2011–present as Chelsea): Barbie's youngest sister, approximately 6 years old, then later 7 years old. Chelsea loves the color pink and has blonde hair and blue eyes like her older sister Barbie. Chelsea is the star of her own series, Barbie: Dreamtopia.

Barbie's parents

George Roberts (1960–present): George is Barbie, Skipper, Stacie and Chelsea's father and the husband of Margaret. Originally just a book character, he has not been issued in doll form but has appeared for the first time in animation in the digital series Barbie: Dreamhouse Adventures. He was originally an engineer, but his job changed to documentary filmmaker in Dreamhouse Adventures.[12]

Margaret Rawlins Roberts (1960–present): Margaret is Barbie, Skipper, Stacie and Chelsea's mother and the wife of George. Also, originally a book character, she has not been issued in doll form, but she made her first on-screen appearance in Dreamhouse Adventures. She was initially a homemaker, but in Dreamhouse Adventures, she is a computer engineer and the designer of the Roberts family dreamhouse. She has a sister named Millicent.[12]

Tutti and Todd (Tutti: 1965–1971, Todd: 1965–1996): Twins, both Tutti and Todd were younger siblings of Barbie and Skipper and had seamless 'bendy' bodies with internal wires.[13] The two were only sold together in one set. They debuted in 1966 and were available in the US until 1971, remaining on the European market until 1980. Todd was reintroduced in 1991 as part of the wedding party for Barbie's best friend Midge Hadley, but Tutti was not reintroduced, with new sisters Kelly and Stacie taking her place. Mattel produced several more of the new Todd dolls over the next few years, but Todd was dropped from the Barbie line after 2008. The last version of Todd was the 2008 Todd and Stacie Mary Poppins boxed set, with a comment on the back that "Todd and Stacie are dressed as Michael and Jane from Disney's Mary Poppins".

Francie Fairchild (1966–1977): Marketed as "Barbie's Modern Cousin," Francie paved the way for Barbie's transition into the MOD era. Francie appeared to be only slightly younger than Barbie, and had a straight, streamlined figure. The Francie doll was the first to feature rooted eyelashes. In the March 1966 issue of Barbie Magazine, she is the daughter of Claude and Lily Fairchild.

Jazzie (1988–1992): Another cousin of Barbie and part of a small group of high school age dolls. She was taller than Francie, with Jazzie being almost the same height as Barbie.

Kristine "Krissy" Roberts (1998–2001): This character is an infant and is only intermittently included in the Barbie sibling lineup.

Blaine Gordon (2004): Barbie's Australian ex-boyfriend, whom she dated during her much-publicized "breakup" with Ken. Blaine is said to be the brother of Summer, one of Barbie's friends. Blaine does not show up in any of the Barbie series but was originally a character from Generation Girls and showed interest in Ana.

Ken family : ( all info found also on wiki)

Edna Carson (mother) ,

Kenneth Carson (father)

Iazzy Carson (sister)

Tommy Carson (brother)

Barbie Roberts (best friend, girlfriend)

Barbiland Exist. has an existence for little girl and that Family Place that no an overtly girly world. Authors make a wrong inaccurate version of Barbie World.

Barbie whole Script by not doing research ( or they just dont care ) is an infuriating story that end up very insulting and infuriating because yes Ken is not just Ken in the original version Kens has Job like barbie in the original version Ken and barbie have a family and are not in over girly world and Barbie is a sweet girl very cool and feminist when you learn about her.

Conclusion : yes Barbie is anti men propaganda if you Change source material that was not belittle man and you belittle man. Then that means yes you are not being feminist you are hating on men.

II- Barbie and Ken relationship

Except the screenwriter no one , literally no , literally not any single soul on earth has associated Ken with a "nice guy". and literally no one no one was thinking «  Barbie hate Ken and is a bitch » literally no one take « barbiland » for a matriarchal world but a cute place. And really no one no one has associated Barbie with things like patriarchal matriarchal. so barbie and ken hate each others and are gonna learn to only be Ken and only Barbie. and to enjoy your womanhood and Menhood you need to be separated ! you cannot love someone nope sorry !

We can have an idea of their relationship based on toys story and barbie cartoon :

Barbie is a very cool friendly girl that is doing plenty different jobs not because it’s give a sort of power over man but because she just like being a doctor a lawyer an astronaut and Ken that’s her boyfriend or just best friend sometimes !! he also have job he is very cool. She can appreciated her womanhood and her boyfriend Because Ken is a healthy guy he is not an Asshole and has no problem with her doing what she wants he doesn’t feel his manhood is threatened and he is hot. ( really I have watch cartoon moments they have a lot of chemistry and are fun together) Ken is cool guy. Barbie is very cool guy. But to know that you need to get yourself interest into Ken and barbie ! even in toy story their interaction are very fun ! they are very likeable couple ( well in my opinion). 😊

Original Barbie and Ken are fun very healthy very cool Duo. And with them there is no «  just Barbie » and just «  Ken » because they are before being love interest BEST FRIEND.

By by ignorance and lack of respect Barbie took the healthiest coolest couple on pop culture to wrote a very hateful story that put apart Ken and Barbie who are originally best friend before being lovers when Barbie was already feminist. just like how maleficent put a story even less feminist that sleeping beauty by tearing apart Aurora and the fairies when the fairies were already Feminist.

III- Same Accident that With Maleficent :

Maleficent passed her whole time insulting the fairies when Flora was name in 1959 After Walt mom.

Barbie passed her whole time insulting Ken when Ken was name after Ruth Son Keneth Handler

Even worst : really sad !

Flora died very tragically from a gas accident in 1939. "due to a gas leak in the house the two brothers had recently purchased for her" Walt accidentally feel responsible of his mother death and name in 1959 Flora afer her.😞

Kenneth Handler died very tragically from a tumor that was rumor after also to be possibly AIDS diagnostic in 1994 when Ruth will deceased 8 years after him in 2002.😞

Behind Flora and Ken there is a part of the sorrow of a Son and a Mother.☹️

To finish We could have the two most genuinely feminist movie of the whole galaxy of movie with original Sleeping beauty and Barbie adapt for adult but it’s never gonna happened because authors put down an other woman « not enough feminist » and decided therefore they should not care about the original material and end up just being a feminist hating on men movie.

I think I belong to small minority that didn’t like it 😅

[alwaysahiccupandastrid]

Barbie was so good?!? Fucking loved every minute of it, but special shout-out to some things...

(BARBIE SPOILERS below the cut)

This movie was so funny, I can't get over how fucking funny and camp it was, an actual masterpiece 11/10

"This movie is overly feminist and man-hating" - THIS MOVIE AIN'T FOR YOU, SHUT THE FUCK UP AND GO WATCH THE SHITTY FLASH MOVIE THEN IF YOU'RE SO MAD

(haven't actually seen the flash, have seen a few clips on twitter and i'm glad i haven't, i don't want to, don't @ me)

I'll be honest, I had very few Barbie dolls growing up, I had a medium sized doll house that was not for Barbie-height-toys, and so most of my toys were random figurines collected over the years (shout-out to the McDonald's Happy Meal Narnia toys!), but I was still getting pumped at the beginning of this film when the narrator went into detail about how Barbie can have any career, any life she wants etc.

The attention to detail in Barbie-land, like the pools/sea are all flat and not actually wet, there’s no actual liquid in the cups when they drink, no water in the shower etc.

Look, I will fully admit that HOTD has fucked my brain and my taste in men up, and so I'm blaming that for me looking at Ryan Gosling as Ken and going "yes I would like to obliterate that twink" 🙈

There were a lot of kids in my screening who absolutely did NOT get the "beach you off" joke, meanwhile I was sitting there laughing embarrassingly loudly like an idiot

Why was Allan a whole ass mood, I'm sorry but he was so relatable, arguably the best character I fear-

I like that weird-Barbie is basically what a lot of girls go through with their Barbies at a certain age by cutting off their hair, drawing on them with pens, etc. Like that’s a mood, my sister and I used to wash our Barbies’ hair and draw fake tattoos on them with felt tips 💀

“Do you ever think about dying? 😃” took me out oh my fucking god 💀 I already had one existential crisis this weekend watching Oppenheimer, I don’t need another one from Barbie of all things 😭

The way Ken says “because we’re boyfriend girlfriend” has the most random place in my heart and I don’t know why lol

The sheer horror over Barbie having flat feet LMFAO

Weird-Barbie having the dog where you feed it pellets and then use the tail so it shits the pellets back out?!? Me and my sister were like "oh my fucking god" because we literally had that fucking toy lmfao

Weird-Barbie talking about Ken's smooth plastic bulge, I literally CHOKED-

Honestly just... Barbie entering the real world and being confused that men treat her like a sex object, being super uncomfortable, meanwhile Ken's like "they're looking at me appreciatively!"... oof

I nearly choked on my drink when Barbie loudly declared "I don't have a vagina and he doesn't have a penis!" like?!?!?

Barbie and Ken getting arrested not only once but TWICE... oh that's the content I'm living for lmao

I’m so so SO glad that the scene with Barbie and the elderly lady was kept in, I shed a tear because it was so beautiful and simple. When Barbie said that the lady was beautiful?!?! I’m a mess just thinking about it 😭❤️

Pleasantly surprised by the sheer amount of horsey content in this film like yes, that's 100% what the patriarchy should be, it should be about Kens riding horsies :D (I’m aware this is NOT the only thing that happened lmao I’m just saying that the world would be a better place with more horses)

America Ferrera is a fucking QUEEN and I adore her, I know HTTYD is over but she will always be MY Astrid, aka Chieftess Queen and Dragon-Rider

Not gonna lie, I felt Sasha’s little monologue where she rants about the unrealistic standards set by Barbie like I see both sides of what Barbie represents and how she can be viewed and I get it. Like on the one hand, hooray for girls growing up having a doll that can show them they can be Presidents, Nobel Piece winners, doctors etc., hooray for all the feminism to come from Barbie. But also you could argue that there’s unreal expectations in regards to Barbie’s body shape, and that when we girls grow up into women, we realise that the Real World is not as simple as what we dreamt of while playing with Barbies, that our world doesn’t revolve around having women in positions of power, that we still very much live in a society where women are viewed as being there solely for men, as home makers and wives and mothers, that we can have a certain amount of freedom and power but not too much etc.

Did I kind of guess "hey maybe it's not the daughter who has triggered Barbie's crisis, maybe it's the mother"? Yes, I guessed that early on but I still loved it anyway

I have no idea how Greta Gerwig got Mattel to agree to this script but holy shit, she must be magical or something

The spirit of Ruth Handler, aka THE creator of Barbie who named the doll after her daughter?!? Played by Rhea Perlman?!?!

Also I've only just learnt, after looking at Ruth Handler's wikipedia page, that Ken was named after her son?!?! Barbie and Ken are siblings?!?!

JOHN CENA AS MERMAN KEN?!?!

My sister was so delighted by the amount of Sylvester Stallone references in this film omg

DEPRESSION-BARBIE I WAS IN LITERAL FUCKING TEARS I COULDN'T STOP LAUGHING, AND SHE WAS WATCHING BBC'S PRIDE AND PREJUDICE?!? WHILE EATING SWEETS?!? I CANT STOP CACKLING AND CRYING

Depression-Barbie also comes in other variations, including an anxiety one?!?! 🤣

I shit you not, I NEED America Ferrera to be nominated for supporting actress for all the awards because holy fUCK, her monologue?!?! That monologue?!?!

WHAT DO YOU MEAN ROB BRYDON AKA UNCLE BRYNN FROM GAVIN AND STACEY IS SUGAR DADDY KEN?!?!

“We mothers stand still so our daughters can look back and see how far they have come.” - STOP I WAS ALREADY SOBBING

The Helen Mirren fourth wall break where she says that if the filmmakers wanted us to believe that Barbie was no longer pretty, "they shouldn't have cast Margot Robbie in this part", literally ICONIC

KEN’S FLUFFY TIE DYE HOODIE THING THAT SAYS “I AM KENOUGH” ASDFGHJKL I WANT ONE

Ridiculously glad that Ken and Barbie didn’t get together to be honest, yes I get it that Ken is designed as a boyfriend for Barbie but also it would have sucked to have this whole film play out as it did and then have them end up together 💀

The soundtrack of this film was IMMACULATE, 10/10, five stars ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

There’s a definite message and commentary here but I’m too stupid and tired to write it out, so I’ll reblog it from the people who are smarter and more eloquent than me instead but oh my good this film was such an amazing piece of cinema

This isn't everything about the film obviously, there was a lot going on and I'm still mentally processing it so I might add more to the post later but wow, just… wow.

[itsgothgirlthyme]

Chapter 1: City Style

Ken Doll

Chapter 1: City Style

Word count: 2805

cw: g/t (duh!), swearing, hints of fearplay, but it's all just fluff mostly :) 

Note: This story has been brewing in my mind ever since I saw Barbie with my friend :) i've been adjusting to living in my new home and job! Things are going pretty well btw!

Anyway! honestly kinda challenging writing about 12 inch characters since i’m used to writing about smaller (my tiny 5inch steve harrington). lol. BUT IT'S BEEN FUN! This is ryan gosling’s ken btw, bc i said so. 

...

Anna rubbed the bridge of her nose, trying to focus her dry eyes on her computer screen. Her brows furrowed and she let out a deep sigh. She shut the computer and rubbed her eyes. She got up from the dinner table and slammed her window shut. The muffled traffic outside eased her mind. Instead of, not staring at a screen that irritated her mind and body, she scrolled through her phone. 

Her text notifications were highlighted in big red blobs as she swiped past them. Eventually, doom scrolling her way to a toy company page on Instagram. Large letters in fun fonts were colored brightly. She raised a brow at the celebrity appearances which increased their likes. After a few minutes of research, she found out their orders had even tripled recently. All for a new line of robot toys, making her frown. 

“Shit,” she scratched her brow, “might need to work for these guys.” 

The thought of a bigger paycheck did make her smile. It was tempting to leave the company she’d been contracted with for years. Though they’d kept her and accommodated her needs when her accident happened. Except now her paychecks were slimming, she was pulling out of her savings, and she’d only now got insurance to cover for her meds. Then the problems just piled on from there. 

“Damn… mood ruined,” she said to herself. 

Anna shook her head as if her thoughts would disappear with the motion. They didn’t. She deeply sighed and set her phone down on the kitchen counter. Anna’s glasses fogged when she opened a bag of steamed vegetables. She dumped the veggies into her bowl of rice and meat before diving in. Every full spoon of food in her mouth was met with a harsh critique. She scrolled through the comments on the graphic designs she’d submitted. The latest one was for a doll in Mattel. Trying to do Barbie justice seemed harder every day for some reason.  

A light knock on her door caused her to jump in her seat. She slowly walked up to the door and looked through the peephole. The apartment door across from her was the only thing in sight. Anna opened up the door and looked downwards. There was a white parcel waiting with her name on it. She picked it up and placed it on the dinner table. She examined it but realized there was no return address. Confused, she set it aside and scrolled through her emails. 

Anna got lost in her work and remembered the package at midnight. Her dark short hair was wrapped around large curlers. She wore matching green satin pajamas and fluffy socks. 

“Right…” she eyed the mystery box and grabbed a pair of scissors. 

The box revealed a familiar product. 

“Okay, Ken,” she said to the doll staring back at her through plastic, “let’s see what you’re here for.” 

She set the box to the side and started to scroll through her email. She searched, and searched, and searched. Nothing. She furrowed her brows and realized she’d never gotten a Ken to advertise in her career with Mattel. Anna snorted. Someone would have to do some insanely good marketing to get a single Kens sales up. 

She looked at the basic model of Ken. Blonde, blue-eyed, and wearing soft pastels. Her brow raised at the color choices. She liked them. He had a plain pink pastel shirt, and beige pants alongside white shoes. The more she stared she swore she could see more detail. The plastic looked textured and she swore his hair looked coarse. Anna blinked and rubbed her eyes. 

“I think I’ve actually lost it,” she said under her breath. 

She got up from her chair and shut her computer. Anna decided she would just call work tomorrow and figure it all out. Except when she started to step away some curiosity swirled in her mind. She looked over her shoulder at the box face up on her table. She’d already stepped into her room and could just fall into bed. 

“Ah, shit. It doesn’t hurt to look,” Anna said. 

She took a seat again and started to cut off the tape around the box. Then she gently pulled the cardboard latches. She slid out the flimsy cardboard printed with a blue cloudy background and the Ken doll attached. She picked it up into her hands and her thumbs were beside his ziplocked hands. 

Anna truly believed she was losing it because this Ken was heavily detailed. Too detailed, too human-like and it was bugging her. She rubbed her eyes with one hand and adjusted her glasses. Then she heard a breath that wasn’t her own. She once again looked down at the doll. 

Ken blinked. 

What. 

The.

Fuck. 

Ken blinked, again. His brows shot up before letting out a shout alongside Anna who dropped him. Her chair smacked against the floor as they both continued to scream. After a minute they’d both gone quiet. Anna with her hand over her thumping chest and Ken frantically looked around him. A pang of guilt hit her chest as she realized he was still trapped in ziplock cuffs. 

She bit the inside of her cheek realizing she was referring to a toy. Yet he was so… lifelike… and his confused face was making her heart sting. She silently reached for the scissors as her shadow covered Ken. She hovered over him, still standing, and moved the scissors near his right hand. He turned his face to the sharp tool and then looked away while squeezing his eyes shut. 

She frowned but Anna snipped off the first ziplock cuff. After that, he turned his head back to the spot. He looked surprised and then he smiled widely at being able to move his hand. She smiled softly as he curled and uncurled his fingers in front of his face. While he was distracted she snipped off the rest of the ziplock. When he’d realized he was free he looked up at her with a smile. 

“Thank you!” he said. 

Anna still unsure of what the fuck was happening, hesitated before responding. 

“You’re welcome,” she said. 

She opened her mouth to say something as Ken got up. He looked at his surroundings with his hands on his hips. Anna just couldn’t find any words as she watched his beaming face falter. He still stood on top of the cheap cardboard and mumbled to himself. His brows were scrunched up in confusion and his lips were pressed into a thin line. 

“Okay, it has to be AI,” she told herself, causing Ken to look up at her. 

“What’s AI?” he asked just as Anna set her chair back and took a seat, “And uh where am I?” his voice went up a pitch. He kept up a brave face but his body language said otherwise. He was bouncing on the balls of his feet and started to over-fix his hair. Anna felt another pang of guilt in her chest. She tried to push it away and wondered if this was a part of the appeal for a new toy. Its awareness was off the charts, and again seemed so human. 

“You’re at my apartment,” she said, not wanting to explain Artificial Intelligence to something that was most likely AI or close to it. 

“Oh,” he blinked like it wasn’t something he wanted to hear. “It’s nice,” he complimented, “and really big.” 

She smiled at that, “Even I feel like it’s kinda big sometimes,” Anna said. A decent-sized kitchen was behind her. She sat at her dining room table. To her right was her living room with lots of furniture and personality. Three doors spread out in the apartment. Once was for the entrance, the other door next to it belonged to the bathroom. The open door to the right of the couch went into her bedroom. It was a score honestly, she’d gotten lucky before inflation hit and managed to keep the place. 

Anna looked at Ken who again was looking around with wide eyes. She snapped the laptop open causing him to jump and let out a squeal. She muttered an apology while he tried to play it off like he hadn’t been scared. Her ringed fingers clacked against the keyboard as she started to type keywords into a search engine. Ken had leaned his pretty self to look at the screen. The flashing of colors made his eyes hurt as it felt like she was scrolling 10 miles per hour. 

“Nothing…” she muttered. 

All she saw was some shitty Barbie AI filter, a Mattel babysitter bot, more Barbie models that were problematic and cute little robots. Then she moved to her emails, but there was nothing. 

“Nothing? What is nothing?” Ken asked, causing her to remember he was still there. Not a dream or a figment of her imagination. He had this display of confusion written all over his face, and couldn’t seem to stress what he was confused about. Anna dragged her hand over her face. 

“I’m trying to figure out what you are, or who sent you… or anything,” she explained and then perked up. “Wait! Do you know what you’re doing here? How did you get here? What are you?” she bombarded him with questions. Ken froze up and gave her a blank look. 

“You don’t know… do you?” she deadpanned. 

He shrugged with a pitiful smile but then he lit up. Anna felt hopeful as he opened his mouth to explain. 

“Well, I know I was in Barbie Land,” he started and Anna’s hope shattered. “… and I’d been trying to y’know… find what it means to be Ken. I-I can’t remember when I got in that box, and why I’m so… small,” he let out a defeated sigh. 

Anna let out a dramatic groan startling Ken again. That was a lot to unpack but nothing useful to her. 

“Sorry,” she said. 

Ken just blew out air from his mouth and put his hands on his hips. “Not a big deal,” he said and she raised a brow at that. He attempted a look of *whatever, it’s cool* but he did not seem cool with it, at all. 

“Right right,” she said amused. 

She eyed him and he looked away when she started to stare for a long time. She reached her hand out to him and wrapped her fingers around his waist. He snapped his eyes to her hand as she lifted him from the table. 

“Woah uhh,” he fumbled for words as his fingers wrapped around hers, “can you put me down?” he asked. 

She held onto him with one hand and used the other to take his shirt off. Numerous protests came out of Ken’s mouth yet he had no choice but to comply. Anna held the piece of fabric between her fingers which was soft and didn’t have the typical plastic shine. Meaning the stuff wasn’t cheap, that was for sure. He wasn’t cheap, it made her feel like she shouldn't even be holding him. The pale pink colored shirt even had a tiny tag, it said, Mattel. She set it aside on the table and then turned to Ken. 

His back was facing her as she traced her thumb over it. She reeled her head back in surprise at the warmth under her thumb. She could feel the grooves in his spine and he felt fleshy. Fleshy yet smooth, like plastic. She squinted to see if she could find anything to explain all of this. The outline to a compartment box or serial numbers. 

There was nothing and tiny hands around her finger grew tight. She let out a huff and the puff of air gave Ken goosebumps. He looked at his arms in surprise at the chilling sensation he’d felt. When he looked up he was met with her face. His face was inches away from hers as she examined him. He could feel the heat rising to his face at the proximity. 

Damn, his abs are crazy defined she thought to herself. She used one hand to prop up his upper back with one thumb over his chest. Her other hand was on his lower back with her thumb to his left side. A pulse under the pad of her thumb caused her to blink again. The pulse under her thumb on his chest wasn't coming from her. 

“What the fuck…” she whispered. This was getting far too weird. She got an incredibly advanced doll with no return address, opened it (like an idiot), and had zero information on it.

“What are you?” she asked. 

“I’m Ken,” he said. 

He’d slid his hand over her green-painted nail and held it there. He wasn’t sure what to do, it was a completely new situation for him. Sure, he’d had memories of being taken out of the box. Then he was in Barbie Land, that's how it was. It was never this literal. 

Maybe this was a punishment or a new beginning. Yet that didn’t explain anything. His head was going to explode from racking through his brain. 

Anna let out a noise of frustration after finding nothing other than well-defined abs on Ken. She set him down and he sat on the edge of her table. He was quick to pull his shirt over himself as she went through her computer. Click after clack, nothing. Meanwhile, Ken was swinging his feet back and forth trying not to think too hard. 

“Nada, zero, zulch,” she said. It had already been a bit over 2 hours and 3 am was nearing. “I give up. I’ll call work tomorrow and maybe they’ll know what the hell you are,” Anna tilted her head down. 

“But I’m Ken,” he said, again. He didn’t even seem confident saying those words. 

“Yeah I know you’re Ken, but what does that mean?” In this specific situation, Anna thought to herself. 

That earned his silence and his shoulders slumped. She hesitantly gave him a finger tap on his shoulder. “Don’t worry. It’s my fault for opening up your box in the first place actually… Shouldn’t have been nosey.” 

He looked up at her which made her chest squeeze. Those puppy dog eyes were convincing her that he was so real, it was weird. Anna yawned a second after and pushed her chair back. She shut the laptop and turned off the kitchen light. She tidied up a bit and then plugged in her computer at the table. 

Immediately Ken stood up and she turned to him. 

“Do you sleep or charge?” she asked. 

“I sleep,” he said snappily. Probably insinuating that he isn’t a toy, but a real Ken doll with sentience. 

Okay. Sensitive much?

Anna hummed and racked up her 3 a.m. brain to think of something. She didn’t recall having much Barbie furniture so… she decided her bed would do. 

“Wanna join me in my bed? I don’t think I have anything for your size,” Anna said. 

“Like sleeping together in the same bed?” Ken asked with brows raised. 

“Yeah,” she said. 

“Are you sure?” he asked. 

She squinted at him and tilted her head. 

“Yeah, I’m sure. Are you sure?” she asked. 

He thought about it for a moment before looking up at her with a smile and nod. She actually could feel the wave of cuteness overload and tug at her heartstrings. He gazed up at her as she hesitantly put her hands around him. This time aware of what she was doing. She used one hand to pick him up by his waist and pulled him close to her chest. She used her free hand to shut the lights off and strolled into her room. Her unmade queen-sized bed awaited them and she set him down on the side she never slept on. 

Anna went to her bedside and turned on the desk lamp. She fixed a couple of hair rollers and then slipped her glasses off. She turned off the light and caught Ken staring at her. He was sitting on top of the bed sheets and leaning his back against the pillow. He was quick to look away and she’d noticed his hair was out of place. She smiled to herself before switching off the light. 

Her head sunk into the pillow and with half-lidded eyes watched Ken. He was fidgeting with his fingers and was looking at everything but her. She decided to pull the sheets over him and he’d jerked back for a second. Realizing it was her hand in the darkness he relaxed and turned to her. 

“Thanks,” he said quietly. 

Anna hummed and then dozed off into sleep. Ken was left awake but he found himself fighting off sleep. Finally, he slept as well, hoping he’d wake up in Barbie Land. 

...

[nessa007]

ppl who said Ryan was "too old" are about to be proved wrong by that box office $$$$$ he's about to rake in. he's hilarious and perfect for this role. and also gorgeous??? A TRUE BEAUTY KEN. "I saw a ken face down in the mud and texted Greta a pic with I must tell this man's tale" xD also there's never a person (until RECENTLY) saying the female actors aren't cast old enough (I'm not taking about Margo). The viral moment a little while ago was when Emmy Rossum was cast as Tom Holland's mom (and it's only because it's Tom hype it was noticed, I love him but still this has been happening since cinema has existed) she's only ten years older than him. That just happened in a Jessica Chastain movie like two years ago and no one said anything. My neices were watching a utube soap and I kid you not the "mom" was the SAME AGE. It's every movie; every show. I'm so happy Halle was cast as Ariel - appropriate age!!! I understand productions cast older teens/young adults rather than kids because then they can cut corners with union rights/demands like kids needing more breaks and parents on sets and like... basic human decency. also shows like R!verdale have teens sleeping together every weeek and sexy shots yada yada that actual teens WOULD NOT be permitted to do in filming (thank god they have intimacy coordinators now FINALLY). I forget who pointed it out, but you never see a news woman with grey hair. On a man it's distinguished on a woman it's ugly or she's a crone. I'll watch movies where they cast a 30 something woman and make her 50 by graying her hair. Like wtf? Anytime I'm watching a high school scene with a friend I say "none of those people are high schoolers". I'm an actor who's repeatedly told I AM LUCKY MY FACE LOOKS YOUNGER THAN I AM. This is going to last me about what 3 years? 2? I was just basically let go from a gig because FB feedback on photos were I looked "too old" for a character and it was because our boss was casting TEENAGERS illegally so yeah, of course I'm going to look about 80 years old (at 31) next to a 13 year old. She said "we're going to cast you as older roles" yeah we NEVER get requests for those. I wonder why. Okay, sorry for the rant... These reasons are why I'm so happy for Ryan. Prove the haters wrong and hopefully more light is shed on this too old/too young/ageism issue as a whole. Perfect moments and the movie hasn't even come out: THE JUST KEN SONG I DIDN'T KNOW WOULD HAPPEN JUST DROPPED?!

He thought of the KEN underwear!!

he's not afraid to poke fun at himself, wear pink a whole movie and funny outfits and dye his hair - so many "action movie" macho men actors would NEVER. this is the same guy from Blade Runner, Drive, The Gray Man (lol for their shoutout to his Ken)

the tassel shaking, "I'll need clicky pen", the changing scenery and outfits montage, rock paper scissors, crossing his fingers when he asks barbie if he can come over xD EVERY MOMENT IS PERFECT.

yeah, sadly ageism is always gonna be a thing with hollywood and especially for women.

i don’t care how old ryan is, he is PERFECT in this role and that’s just judging from the few clips and trailers released. i love seeing all the early reviews saying this will be the role he is remembered for and he steals every scene he’s in 👏👏👏 i’m so excited to see the movie, especially for ryan !!!

[locktobre]

How would you change DA? I feel like I saw a post of yours mentioning that you wanted to change it but I can’t find any actual post saying how you’d change it lol but I’m on tumblr mobile and I know this app glitches more often than not

I actually made a post saying I’d make a post and then completely forgot about it lol that happens to me a lot... But! Since you asked, I’ll go ahead and talk about it now.

My biggest issue with DA is the constant shenanigans making everything feel shallow. It’s just far too silly for me, and while I know I’m far outside of the target audience, I still think it’s very poor writing.

So, here’s what I would do, if I kept the main characters the same (that is, the Roberts family, Ken, Teresa, Nikki, Renee, and Daisy), as well as the basic premise of “This is Barbie’s life.” I’m not going to talk about how I would change individual episodes, since I’m basically starting over from scratch, here.

Starting at home:

I’d keep Margaret as an engineer, bc I really do like that for her.

I’d drop George as a “documentary filmmaker” and have him be a stay-at-home dad. I might bring back a detail from the early vlogs and have him be a writer, maybe working from home, but yeah, he’s the one taking care of the pets and packing lunches and keeping the house clean.

They’ve got Blissa leash-trained and she goes on walks with the puppies.

(If any of the puppies/Blissa escaped the house, it would be played for drama, not shenanigans.)

I might give them a catio for Blissa, since they started off series after remodeling their house, and they went all out on literally everything else, so why not?

If I was going to really have my way, they would only have done modest remodeling, not gone full-on ugly modern smart house.

Regardless, Skipper and Stacie must have their own bedrooms.

Barbie is a junior coach for Stacie’s soccer team. She’s going to spend time with all of her sisters, dammit!

She does something with Chelsea. Chelsea has a lot of interests, so she could do a lot of things with her. Maybe they do different things? Like, their thing could be trying new things or going new places.

The Roberts are close with Carsons, for obvious reasons.

As much as I like Trey, I feel like it’s OOC for the Roberts to have a feud with their neighbors (and I said as much when the show first started), so I might drop the Reardons entirely, tbh. And in my idealized version, the Roberts family aren’t such colossal dicks that they would have neighbors feuding with them, since they, like, respect ppl’s property and aren’t always doing wacky shit for lulz.

Then again, I really like Trey, so maybe they’d stay neighbors, and maybe he’s annoying but not a total jerk. (There’s a difference!) Like they could still ride together at the barn and ice skate together even if Trey insists that doing all of that doesn’t make them friends. (Yes, it does, Trey. Just open your heart to FRIENDSHIP.)

At school:

Barbie is in a bunch of extracurriculars, which provides a lot of interesting avenues for plots and friendship developments/dynamics.

She’s in an environmental club with Ken. They do beach clean-ups and collect trash in the parks and stuff like that. Also provides an opportunity for karbie moments.

She’s in a chemistry club with Teresa. They can do (safe) experiments and explain how it’s done, there can be some minor mishaps with things going wrong, stuff like that.

She’s in a fashion club with Nikki. They can make clothes together, do fashion shows, all that kind of stuff. But like, plot-relevant.

She plays basketball with Renee. They can show practices, games, how to deal with losing, all that kind of stuff.

She’s in a band with Daisy and Skipper. This keeps both of them musical, and keeps me from feeling like Daisy is taking Skipper’s musical spotlight. They could do gigs occasionally (school dances, parks, coffee shops), they could have an episode with creative infighting, they could focus on Skipper feeling like she’s being treated like a little kid when she’s trying to be Mature... A lot of things open up. Not to mention, having a good reason for them to sing.

So basically, Barbie’s busy 5 days a week, and has a lot of varied interests, so it makes sense for a lot of ppl to know her and even envy her, bc really, how does she do it all?

I’m not sure if I’d keep Tammy either, tbh. I’m not fond of bully characters, I think it’s detrimental to show bullying as no big deal... but also, kids need to learn about conflict resolution. Even so, sometimes there aren’t good ways to deal with bullies, so it’s really a double-edged sword.

If I kept Tammy--or Trey, for that matter--at least now, with the above, they’d have a real reason to be jealous of her being popular and well-liked, outside of her vlog. Bc she’d be an interesting and well-rounded person, instead of boring and fake.

I’d really tone down the social media angle, but there’d be an obligatory episode about like, an embarrassing picture/video being posted and how to deal with it. It’s inevitable nowadays, as much as that pains me.

An early episode would focus on a parents night at school, and we’d meet everyone’s parents.

Barbie and her friend group would have a homework club that rotates its meetings through their different houses, which is a perfect set-up to meeting any siblings the others have (since we already met their parents).

There would be occasional episodes where Barbie is either not there, or only there for like one scene (she’s sick, out of town, whatever), and we’d get to focus on one of her friends, instead. They’d get to feel like real people even when she’s not there, rather than feeling like they don’t exist when they’re not onscreen with her lol.

Overall, I just want it to feel like Barbie’s life is real and complete, and so is every character in it. Obviously, it’s fictional, and I’m not asking for anything super dramatic to happen, I just want it to feel like they care. I know Barbie is the star of the show, but I don’t want it to feel like everything revolves around her, bc they certainly promote it like it’s an ensemble show. But they don’t act like it at all and I just want to fix that. So I tried to think of a lot of ways to give different, varied plots. There are ways to do interesting things without it being super silly!

Anyway, if they want Barbie to feel grounded and real and like she gives good advice, they should write her that way, that’s all I’m saying.

[queen-erika-the-songful]

001 Barbie! xx

As you wish! They’ll mostly be from Barbie movies but I’ll probably include other Barbie media as well

001 | Send me a fandom and I will tell you my:

Favorite character:

I guess it’s obvious, but Erika’s always been #1 in my heart. She’s brave, loyal, and on a personal level got be through a lot of rough times. But if I had to choose another, it would be a tie between Starlight (Barbie of Para-Den) and Mariposa.

Least Favorite character:

Probably Ryan from Life in the Dreamhouse. He just won’t shut up about how much Ken sucks and how cool he is and how he’ll steal Barbie away. At least most of Raquelle’s shenanigans were about proving she was better than Barbie in general, not just as a romantic partner. Plus she was way funnier and *gasp* showed remorse every once in a while. 

5 Favorite ships (canon or non-canon):

1. Every combo of the Princess and the Pauper OT4 (Julian x Anneliese x Erika x Dominick) because they all work so no you can’t make me choose!

2. Every combo of the Mariposa OT4 (Willa x Carlos x Mariposa x Catania) because again I ship them all so you can’t make me choose!

3. Starlight x Sal-Lee. I mean it’s a classic “tough girl lets her guard down for this one person” idea that I adore, plus through Starlight Sal-Lee ends up opening up to everyone else as well, meaning she’s taking influence from Starlight. I also think they just have a lot of good chemistry. I wish SLA had it sequel so we could see more of their interactions.

4. Tori x Keira x Liam. I think I actually like this one more than Anneliese x Erika because they get so much more time together onscreen. And omg that time together is just oozing in adorable interactions. The winks, the sly smiles, the gushing, it’s just too cute. I also just think Liam is so sweet with Keira and you can tell from the “Perfect Day” montage and the scene with Tori in the carriage that he really loves Keira’s company. I like to think that Keira ends up casually dating both of them for a while - because she’s a BICON! If you really wanted me to choose just one between them though, sorry Liam, but I’d be Troi x Keira all the way.

5. I’m including Summer x Raquelle here because like I’ve said before I love the chaotic energy they’d have. I think if they ever got together Raquelle’s ambition combined with Summer’s competitive nature would lead into hilarious schemes of proving that there's "obviously" the best couple and Summer getting all defensive if Raquelle’s goals aren’t going her way.

Character I find most attractive:/

I have to admit, I think George (Dreamhouse Adventures) is pretty handsome. I think I just have a thing for men with dark hair and glasses.

Character I would be best friends with:

Oooh, so many to choose from! Okay, if I just pick one it would probably be Marie-Alicia (Alice). We’re a lot alike in some ways, shy about our passions, softspoken but not afraid to throw down, and struggling with confidence issues. I would love to spend calm afternoons with her sitting by the windows in Millicent’s Fashion House, working on my latest videos and musical aspirations while she worked on new designs. And then maybe we’d go for dinner or coffee and treats after!

a random thought:

I’m don’t think I’ll ever be over Barbie Live! In Fairytopia and Barbie LIVE! The Musical being limited releases with no proshots (proshot just means filmed musical/play). I mean come on even BARNEY had a proshot for one of his shows, so why not Barbie too?? Not only would everyone have gotten to see it but it would’ve helped to make back money for the production as well.  

An unpopular opinion:

I love ALL Barbie movies and I don't think they "went downhill" after Three Musketeers. Sorry y'all.

My Canon OTP:

Barbie x Ken because I’m basic but I mean can you blame me??? They’re adorable in Life in the Dreamhouse, and I’m actually loving the slowburn in Dreamhouse Adventures despite how overused the trope is. They’re just so comfortable with each other and it’s clear how strong their bond is, even just as friends. Love them. 

My Non-canon OTP:

Merliah x Kylie but honestly, you can’t convince me they aren’t canon. I mean come on, Merliah has NO male love interest and Kylie and her are a classic “rivals-to-lovers” trope. They kind of remind of me of Annika and Aidan at the beginning of Magic of Pegasus actually, because those two idiots were really trying to hide any attraction with snark and it just didn’t work. That’s how I see Merliah and Kylie; they pretend to be all tough and dismissive because neither wants to admit they’re actually head over heels. Plus I mean Kylie almost DIED to protect Merliah and the whole ocean, could you really blame me for shipping them after that?? Aw man they’re one of the best f/f ships out there. 

Most Badass Character:

I’d say of all the badass characters in Barbie, I’ll choose Rosella. She learned how to provide for herself on the island, she can *parkour* (lol), and most importantly she never gave up trying to help Apollonia’s animals no matter what. Even when everything was against her, she stood up for what she knew was right. Also, she never said one bad word against Luciana. I know that may not seem like much but too many movies with love triangles pit the women against each other and I’m just not fond of that unless one of them is supposed to be really nasty or villanous.

Most Epic Villain:

I’m going with Preminger because he honestly scares me. Similar to someone like Adagio Dazzle, he’s almost always one step ahead and easily molds the situation to fit his needs. Every time a wrench is thrown into his plans, he finds a way to adapt and continue being the one in control. He’s undoubtedly clever and cunning.

Pairing I am not a fan of:

i know I’ve said this before but UGH Kara/Super Sparkle x Wes Rivers. I don’t care if he’s supposed to be her “Lois Lane”, he’s a wannabe newshound who exposed her identity without a second thought to boost traffic to his blog. That is the NUMBER ONE thing you do not do to a superhero because it can and WILL endanger not only the life of the hero herself but also anyone she knows. He’s not a journalist, he’s just a one-man papparazzi with a phone instead of a camera. Absolute worst Barbie movie love interest.

Character I feel the writers screwed up (in one way or another):

Barbie in Puppy Chase. First, she brings the puppies with them to Hawaii for no good reason. Seriously, there’s a lot of work that goes with bringing pets on a plane, so unless it was Chelsea that begged her to take the puppies, which I seriously doubt, there was no reason to waste any time/money on doing that. Secondly, she didn’t reserve a car beforehand. That’s...just common sense. Third, she completely ignored Chelsea every time she said that it was HER trip, for HER competition, and SHE wanted to go straight to the hotel. There was time to see the horses and whatever else, sure, but they should’ve done it AFTER checking in at the hotel. Not to mention, what if their room had been given to someone else because they were no-shows? This movie just made Barbie look like an insensitive idiot and I can’t forgive that.

Favourite Friendship:

One of my favorites is definitely Erika Juno and Princess Olivia. I made a longer post about it a few years ago. I really like how they teach each other and how they grow thanks to each other’s influences.

Character I most identify with:

Right now, Starlight & Erika. I’m jittery, unfocused, and at times really unconfident. At the same time, I also feel trapped inside and music is really my escape from both the world and my own sorrows.

Character I wish I could be:

When I get older, I hope to be like Aunt Millicent - the “cool” aunt that inspires her siblings’ children, like how Millicent inspired Barbie to be a strong woman. I mean I’dl ike to be inspiring to my own children as well, but I chose Aunt Millicent specifically because I’m not sure if I myself will ever be ready to have a child, so right now I’m preparing more for being the best Aunt I can whenever my little sibs have kids.

[vrenaewrites]

HUSH HUSH by Becca Fitzpatrick thoughts: Prologue - Ch 11

Full video here.

We start right away with a bible verse which, if you’ve read any of my books, you know I’m a big fan of

We have a prologue from 1565 France…

The visual of a person perched on a gravestone and mistaking them for an angel statue at first is cool tbh

“Who are you?” “One of the devil’s brood”

The mind control parts of this I like, and I already have a feeling this is the gonna be the best part of this book

Except we don’t get another example of someone fighting it the way he is fighting it - nora doesn’t even realize it’s happening when it happens to her which isn’t as fun

The guy being maniped is a duke and the angel tells him no you’re half fallen angel so do what i tell you (nephilim)

This angel doesn’t have wings but a big cut in the shape of a V on his back

CHAPTER 1

The image of a barbie and ken taped to the chalkboard of the sex ed class is great

Her best friend’s name is V!

“Camera phones to take photos for the school E-zine”

Oh shit she’s a hoe

“V as in virgin” never mind

“It may not have occurred to you kids that sex is more than a 15 minute trip to the backseat of a car” lmaoooooooo

Is this book gonna be good? Did yall lie to me??

The school e-zine

V is a “few pounds over curvy” damn

V is my “untwin” i love that

“I’m all legs like a barstool”

The sex ed teacher is making them all sit by new people...in april…

She knows everyone except the transfer who of course is her new seat mate...this is a very convoluted way to get them to sit together

“It was a smile that spelled trouble with a promise”

“Human reproduction can be a sticky subject” LMAO

“Call me patch. I mean it. Call me.” and he winks

He takes pictures “of an ezine columnist who…” and describes a bunch of stuff about her and she’s like what the fuuuuuuck

And then he is like “you’re scared of what you can’t control”

He knows she plays the cello

She doesn’t wanna ask for another partner because she doesn’t wanna let him win and i’m like NORA CALL THE FUCKING COPS!!!!!!!!!! THIS GUY HAS BEEN STALKING YOU?!?!?!?

She has a cut on her wrist, her dad was murdered

At the end of class he gives her his number so she can get her answers - she no longer has it by chapter 18 but doesn’t remind the reader that she did have it written on her hand so we just think becca forgot nora already got his # for a bit

She’s a sophomore, he’s a senior

He has black eyes and wears all black because ofc

CHAPTER 2

They get a lot of fog and don’t have many neighbors

Mom is an auction coordinator so she’s not around a lot so there’s a german housekeeper that watches over her

But she leaves her alone at night...i already KNOW patch is gonna be “Watching over her” ala edward watching bella sleep i just KNOW

She’s thinking that patch seemed closed off but she liked what she had seen - aka his bod

“Smile that was part playful, part seductive” NOTHING about the interaction y’all had sounded seductive!!!!!! This is exactly like in crave when she’s getting horny that jaxon is yelling at her...like these men seem UNHINGED. Why is that sexy????

“Biology was my toughest subject, i teetered between an A and a B” i’m gonna punch you. I know you wanna go to ivy league so this matters but…

She calls patch!!!!

She asks if he wants to meet up to finish the assignment...you couldn’t...ask...over the phone??

“Nora” he says my name like it’s the punchline to a joke

He hangs up on her because he’s playing pool

She starts her assignment anyway: “jerk” “smokes cigars, will die of lung cancer, hopefully very soon” i laughed v hard tbh

“Excellent physical shape” and then crosses that out lmaooooooo

She flips a coin and it makes her decision: go to the arcade and confront patch

The cashier is pissed that she didn’t pay to get in so she sneaks by

“I was like a rolling snowball gaining speed and momentum” weird out of place metaphor but ok

Patch says she’s with him and the cashier lets her go

His black eyes are magnets clinging to her every move

She feels something different here, more animosity, more electricity...more horniness

“Queasy tap dance in my stomach”

Something about patch wasn’t right, something about him wasn’t normal, something about him wasn’t safe

“Biggest dream” “to kiss you” she doesn’t buy it so like good for her but still blech

Patch says he’s never been to school before and nora’s like you’re a liar

And he says he came because of her

He says “those cold pale grey eyes” are surprisingly irresistible

There are almost zero connections between what she’s saying and what he’s saying, as if he’s having a conversation with himself...it’s really hard to follow

“And that killer curvy mouth” ew

“You seem to know a lot about me,” i said, making the understatement of the year.

“Say provoke again, your mouth looks provocative when you do”

Her jaw twitches when she lies

He has a birthmark in the same place she has a scar...soulmate shit fer shure

She says after her dad died a strange presence felt like it was “orbiting her world, watching her from a distance” like...a guardian angel perhaps

She feels someone in the house with her and i’m calling it now: patch is “Watching over” her

CHAPTER 3

She’s trying to come up with reasons for patch not to be her partner anymore...he fucking ADMITTED TO TAKING PHOTOS OF YOU AND STUDYING YOU AND BASICALLY STALKING YOU. IF THE COACH WON’T LISTEN GO TO THE PRINCIPAL ABOUT THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She’s anemic and has to take iron multiple times...a day??

“What qualities are you attracted to in a potential mate?” asks the teacher

She’s not ready so patch answers, “intelligent, attractive, vulnerable”

“How do you indicate if a female is interested?” and patch says, “if she’s biting her lip and playing with her hair the way nora is doing right now” lmao

“She’s game”

He puts his arm on the back of her chair and mouths “vulnerable” and while i would literally call the cops on a man for this, it was kind of hot in context

She tells coach she feels uncomfortable sitting by patch and he’s like, “not only are you gonna keep sitting by him i actually need you to tutor him.”

Fire this fucking guy IMMEDIATELY.

How lazy is this writing becca. How lazy. You couldn’t think of any other ways to make them spend more time together??

She and V go to the movies to write a review for the e-zine and v says: “can you imagine living your whole life without a clue that the only reason you’re being kept alive is to be used as a sacrifice?”

Do you smell that? The foreshadowing

V says patch’s dark side calls to her and nora is thinking, yeah no shit.

There was a dark magnetism, i felt lured to the edge of danger, at any moment it felt like he could push me over the edge.

Edge twice in the same sentence, crave’s editor has been in the game since 2009 apparently

V’s basically like nora you’re not attracted to anyone and nora’s like i haven’t found love and v’s like it’s about fun not love dumbdum

V says Patch would probably be “really good”

Nora says patch isn’t good for v and v says, “Careful, you’ll only make me want him more” and i’m like...i know this book came out when i was a freshman but somehow, becca fitzpatrick managed to put me from sophomore year in this book lmao

Marcy a cheerleader with “half a bottle of foundation on” and “¾ of an inch between her skirt and underwear, if she was wearing any” sits beside them

Yikes

She calls V supersize: YIKES

Marcy’s being a dick to V and V just goes, “you have food stuck in your teeth, chocolate ex-lax maybe?” i love this so much

Patch is at the library…

V’s like “i’m trying to read the title he’s checking out...how to be a stalker?” lmao i love V

V thinks patch is following nora but she’s kind of into it lmaoooo

Nora’s like he’s alluring but also fucking scary

She hits someone during a storm on the way home

He’s wearing a ski mask?!??!?!?!?

The car died oh my gooooooood

He’s tearing the door off??!?!?!!?

He punches through the window!!!!!!!!!

CHAPTER 4

She’s like totally freaking out but doesn’t wanna tell V that a dude almost tore the door off the car

She goes to V’s to avoid being alone

When she and v examine the damage...there is none…

She realizes the eyes behind the ski mask were black like patch’s eyes

She can’t remember hardly anything about the crash which is freaking her out

They meet some dudes called elliot and jules who is SIX FOOT TEN

They are probably other fallen angels that are after nora, and then elliott says he just transferred to their school from the prep school as of today, so yeah, this is what’s happening

Also...it’s fucking april. Who transfers schools in april

“You smell good” “it’s called a shower” lol

They’re having like an “are you following me” talk during the quiz

“I wanted my life to go back to the way it was before patch barged into my life”

I truly don’t know if it’s the delivery of the audiobook narrators that is making this issue SO GLARING to me but jfc

She confronts him after class to talk patch into asking to switch seats but he’s like “nah you’ve grown on me”

V really wants to sleuth around and read Patch’s file

CHAPTER 5

they go to the nurse’s office using nora’s iron pills as a distraction to get into the files in the front office

Nora needs to register her iron pills with the nurse...it is april...she has been taking pills out of her backpack all year...no one cared???

She says this is all because she thinks patch is stalking her - which no shit he admitted to taking pictures of you…

V called in a bomb threat from the pay phone outside!!!!!!! I’m fucking crying

Also if you guys don’t know what pay phones are, let me know

She’s trying to punch through the window in the door!!!!! V is the fucking greatest

IT WAS UNLOCKED ANYWAAAAAAY I’M SCREAMING

“As patch’s biology partner, i had a right to know”

The principal caught her but doesn’t suspect her

She meets back up with v at a mexican restaurant

The one patch works at!!!!!!

He asks her what she’s doing sunday night

“You’re getting cocky. I like that, angel” - bleck

“Not on a date, not alone” a hot thrill upon speculating what a night alone with patch would entail

Bitch!!!!!!! You just committed a crime to find out if this dude is STALKING YOU but you still wanna fuck him???????????

“Did you just call me angel? I don’t like it.” “it stays, angel” negging asshole

He brushes his thumb on her mouth and says “you’d look better without lipgloss” HARDIN SCOTT HAS ENTERED THE CHAT

“Interested? We’re talking about you, i’m fascinated.”

“You aren’t ready to know me”

I looked in your student file - BITCH. NORA. IF HE IS STALKING YOU. AND YOU FOUND OUT SOMETHING SERIOUS IN HIS FILE. THAT GIVES HIM SOOOOOO MUCH CAUSE TO LIKE...MURDER YOU?!

It’s totally empty. “I’m going to expose you” “i look forward to it”

“Why are you looking at me?” “because you’re nothing like what i expected” “neither are you, you’re worse”

CHAPTER 6

Elliott is in her gym class

The fog seemed to clog my lungs...fog and clog...don’t like it

Marcy miller… “that’s because you haven’t met anyone better, like me.” marcy twisted her hair around her finger. “You’ll hear all about me soon.”

He calls her gray, her last name, which is a trope i thoroughly enjoy

We describe marcy’s smile as toxic twice in 2 paragraphs

Elliott comes up behind her to help her with her batting stance

“Let me show you, like this, you feel that? Relax” EXCUSE ME

She hears her name in her mind said in someone else’s voice, it’s patch

“Batting lessons, nice touch” elliott is TOTALLY a rival angel guy

“I told myself i imagined the words because the alternative was considering that patch held the power to channel thoughts into my mind. Which couldn’t be. It just couldn’t.” this type of stuff makes me roll my eyes.

“Not yet” she hears in her mind, and ends up slamming it out of the park

She gets smashed in the head with the glove and ball, ouch

Elliott blows on her scraped kneeeeeeeee

“Had he talked directly to my thoughts? Was there some inexplicable link between us that allowed it happen? Or was i losing my mind?” meh

Elliott “i’m not gonna chase after an unavailable girl”

He invites her on a date

CHAPTER 7

There’s a convo with the housekeeper about “reinventing the sexy side” and not changing yourself for a boy…

V calls and is like “let’s go to the party on the coast”

Driving moccasins?

Damn V is like “you look like a boy, put some lipstick on”

And Nora isn’t wearing makeup because patch planted the idea in her mind - NEGGING!!!!!!!

The delphic coast sounds like a blast

The new ride is called the arcangel lmao

Patch is at the arcade omg

Jules looks as enthusiastic as three day old meatloaf - this is a very weird metaphor but i don’t mind it much?? It would have bothered me in crave but there haven’t been many in this book so far so it’s not like completely pulling me out of the moment

It’s a new day, and today, the name patch is really irking me. It sounds like a dog

V is STIRRING THE POT between Elliott and Patch god i love her soooo much

Elliott wants to talk to patch about leaving nora alone!!!!

V is a messy bitch who lives for dramaaaaaaaa

Nora goes to talk to patch so elliott won’t start shit

“He was tall and lean and hard and i was sure he had street fight scars under his clothes...not that i wanted to look under his clothes” LMAO

She asks what he’s playing and he says, “baseball, wanna stand behind me and give me a few pointers?” LMAOOOOO he hates elliott so muuuuch

Patch challenges her to a pool game, she punches his arm, he says “Careful they might think we’re flirting” this guy is MADDENING

“Part of me wanted to run away from him screaming fire, the other wanted to see how close i could get without...combusting” AHHHHHHH

He’s talking to her in her thoughts and then being like, “you know that sounds crazy don’t you?” GASLIGHT CENTRAL

“You scare me, and you’re not good for me” “i could change your mind”

“Meet me at the arcangel, i’ll be waiting”

CHAPTER 8

Nora goes to get cotton candy and sees the arcangel, and she goes

She gets the “cold heart-stopping feeling that someone is watching her” and spots a hooded figure

She runs into patch and he’s like “if you keep running away from me, you’re never gonna figure out what’s going on” and she’s been drinking dumb bitch juice so she’s like OHKAY.

Now she’s not scared of the arcangel because patch makes her feel safe...no he DOESN’T?!?!?!?!?

“If you ride without screaming, i’ll get coach to switch our seats” why do i feel like this is gonna be that scene in the movie fear where they hook up at the top of the ferris wheel

“I don’t scream, not for carnival rides.” not for you is her inner voice i assume and ommggggg

He sits in a car that shows demons ripping the wings off an angel, an angel sitting on a gravestone and watching children, then possessing a little girl

Okay foreshadowing

“Scared, angel?”

Our car flew demonically fast - we get it

Her seatbelt came undone and she fell out!!!!!!!

Oh wait...she didn’t? She ended up grabbing him and screaming??

CHAPTER 9

He offers her a drink from his soda can and she’s like “ooh my mouth where his mouth is”

Her phone is dead so she hitches a ride with patch...did he kill her phone with angel powers somehow??

V had left her!!!!?????

Ooh or did the boys kidnap her??

So she’s sure the mind-talking is real but not sure if the guy in the mask or the falling off the coaster is real…

Patch rides a motorcycle because ofc

He takes her home and then has her keys in his hand somehow

He is totally fucking with her, the key won’t turn if she uses it but he can get it to work

“Go ahead, i’m home alone” immediately i realized it wasn’t a smart thing to say

Self preservation has left the chat!!!!!!!! The same boy you thought was stalking you 3 days ago, you just told him you are home alone...dumb bitch juice

“Dorothea will be here soon. She’s old but strong, very strong” You would absolutely be the first to die in a horror movie, nora

He comes inside without her inviting him so he can make her tacos

He...knows where her kitchen is...fuck no

She is scared of him having a knife but also...goes over to him so he can show her how to make tacos…

So idk if most teens are so horny they’re literally willing to die for it, because i was on antidepressants when i was grace’s age and i had no desire to get busy...please let me know in the comments below if you ever went from scared of a dude to wanting to bone him at breakneck speed the way nora continually does in this book

“I’ll answer your questions if you make tacos”

This is a VERY horny scene where he stands right behind her and like whispers in her ear how to cut the tomato…

“Did you follow me to the library?” he smiles and she’s like OH FUCK I WANNA KISS HIM RIGHT NOW

NORA!!!!!!!!! FOCUS

“Scared?” “no” “maybe i’m just scared of -” “liking me?” “yes...wait no”

“I feel a scary attraction to you”

He lifted her onto the counter!!!!!

“You should go” “go here?” his mouth went to my shoulder “or here?” it moved up my neck AHHHHHHHHHHH

Her mom calls and she’s like “can i call you back?” her mom says “sure what’s wrong” and she HANGS UP LMAOOOOOOO

UMMMM THOUGHT HER PHONE WAS DEAD?!?!?!?

CHAPTER 10

V calls her and is like “i was looking for you all night” and nora is like “ummmm no you fucking left me???” and v’s like “DID Y’ALL KISS?!”

“I’ll pick you up at 4” “thought we were meeting at 5?” “circumstances have changed” lmao V for president tbh

We get a weird story about lionel dorothea’s godson daring nora to lick a broken piece of glass, “falling for patch would be like licking that shard”

This is the WEIRDEST analogy i think i have ever heard…

This is a first draft analogy for sure

She acknowledged that her phone had been dead so wtf happened

They go to victoria’s secret and she’s like “ooh sexy stuff ooh patch” wait i shouldn’t be thinking about dangerous patch

“I secretly enjoyed the attraction between us but the eeriness outweighed it” ma’am are you trying to lie to yourself or the reader because 1. It’s not a secret, 2. We (i) keep SCREAMING at you to have a shred of self-preservation but you threw it away for tacos

I’m going to flush patch out of my system like a detox diet, except last time i did that i binged” welp...i’m sure that’s not a sign…

Lmao V tries to take the clearance stickers off the clearance bras and puts them on the nice ones I LOVE HER SO MUCH

The hooded guy is watching her from outside…

But he’s gone before V sees him

V develops a diversion to get the hooded guy to follow her...but they can tell it’s actually a girl…

V gets hurt?!?!?!?!

CHAPTER 11

V is in the hospital with a BROKEN ARM THAT NEEDS SURGERY!!!!!

Patch is absent…

She goes to the new school psych...WHY ARE THERE SO MANY NEW PEOPLE COMING IN APRIL!!!!

She’s def also an angel

She brings up that nora is supposed to be tutoring patch and is like “all tutoring should be under adult supervision, and i don’t want you meeting alone” um...thank you for being reasonable because this dude is creepy but ALSO. Just...don’t have her tutor him…?

She goes to the computer lab in the library to look up reviews but then she’s like “i should google patch” but nothing

“No facebook, no myspace” OH MYSPACE!!!!!

She comes across a kinghorn prep article about a hanging, and finds out elliott was with the victim on the night of her death

Elliott is right behind her!!!!!

“Something cold flushed through me, like a blush, only opposite”

He’s like “Call your mom and tell her you’re taking too long at homework” and she’s like STRANGER DANGER

~~~

[ellaintrigue]

Since I'm posting this on FaceBook too, where many of my mom's older friends follow me: you are old, and you are fat.

But wait, keep reading!!

Now, I don't like Jeeps. I find them cliche, ugly, and have never known a Jeep owner that wasn't an asshole. That is a coincidence, I know, but just saying. But, if I walk past a Jeep in a parking lot, I'm not going to stop, point at it, and scream, "THAT'S AN UGLY JEEP, I DON'T LIKE JEEPS, NO ONE SHOULD DRIVE JEEPS, EW!!"

I went way off track, right? Not really. I had a big boss, she was fat with nice curly hair and a sweet face and her legs weren't bad at all, with small feet. She was cocky and joked a lot but one day she hung her head and said she felt "fat and ugly." I was like HELL NO, you're not. And I meant that. She was really pretty, just fat. Being fat doesn't stop people from being attractive, it is truly a matter of preference.

Singer Lizzo did that nude shoot and ALL these people (mostly fit yuppy whites it seemed) started calling her a poster child for diabetes. Okay, yes, obesity is not healthy, but, PEOPLE FUCKING KNOW THAT. Fat people get health facts drilled into their heads by their doctors, the news, and society. They know they're fat, and they know the risks.

Also, some people are just naturally big, and it feels good when society embraces all body types and has plus-sized models. So, let it go! There is something wrong with you if you're going to stop and scream at a Jeep because you don't like them. There is something wrong with you if you are going to shame a fat person because you don't like their body and want to be holier than thou.

I had this friend on FaceBook, had known him like 4 years, and he posted a picture of a big black woman, this random lady standing in line at a bank and compared her to an ogre. So I posted, "why? Because she's fat?" He didn't reply and unfriended me. See how petty this fat-shaming is? Do you think he would have laughed if that same lady posted a picture of him and pointed out how close together his eyes were? I'm going to point out people's flaws here because guess what: no one is perfect. We're all just a bunch of smelly animals pointing out that our peers stink.

So back to y'all being old and fat: WHO CARES. I look at my mother's age 60+ friends, some of which aren't that big on their looks or like taking selfies, and think "these are good looking people."

No one is expected to be a size 2 or firm at 65, and anyone that says otherwise is a douche, just like the rest of fat shamers. Body shaming is fucking stupid, are we all meant to be the same Barbie/Ken doll? No!! So comb your hair, smile, and celebrate your age and shape. It's 2020!

As you all know, my poor ex had a battered face and no teeth from a horrific street life in California. So on social media some guy hit me up: bald, bodybuilder type, big nose, but whatever. I love to make friends, I don't care about your race, gender, orientation or background!! First thing he does is ask about the "old guy" in my pics. I said, that's my boyfriend, he's my age but has had a rough life. Dude: "He looks old and ugly, can't you do better than that?" I said, "but this is coming from an ugly bald c*nt?" He was at a loss for words, he couldn't fathom having HIS appearance put down. Now, I shouldn't have said that, but it all comes down to these basic points:

We all have preferences, everyone is different, and if you have to shame someone over their looks then you need to look at your own. Chances are you're already insecure about them which is why you're a bully. All the perfect tight gym rats bullying people? The ones with the expensive dental work? Their low esteem goes way deep, that's why they have to play themselves up so much. I'm not saying every gym nut model type is like that but it is common. I can't count the times they've put me down.

So: Acceptance. Accept yourself and accept others, don't follow a pattern of abuse if you grew up being told you weren't good enough. Break the cycle and spread kindness. Stop negative obsessions over body types.

If we all put as much effort into finding a cure for cancer as we do condemning other people's looks it would probably be figured out by now, lol.

Stay humble, y'all.

[bigskydreaming]

Was thinking about Garrett in the Faetown AU, perhaps he can make his shadow tangible for brief periods so it can interact with stuff temporarily. And Violet, you had said something how she can become a hallucinogenic mist. She can't control what victims see though.

LOL! Tbh, I actually went back and forth on this a LOT, because I fucking love shadow powers like nobody’s business, so the urge to give Garrett the ability to do that was there, and it was strong. 

But��I did already have a bunch of changelings with shadow magic in other ways, like Madame Midnight, and Stella, and the Shade Spinner, and Kovak the Shadowhound. And plus, also, there’s the fact that Garrett is just kinda slimy, y’know? Like, he’s a smarmy little weasel man, and so it just ultimately didn’t work in my head to make him too powerful. So his shadow is just a sneak. He can detach it from himself and send it around to spy for him, but that’s all it can do - watch and report back. It can’t interact with anything on its own. 

But at the same time, in some ways its even more effective as a spy than various Changelings with actual invisibility or illusion magic….because then there are plenty of others who have magic that lets them see what’s unseen, or reveal anything that’s invisible or hiding from view….none of which ever really affects Garrett’s shadow, because its not actually invisible or anything like that…..it can hide in plain sight, go completely unnoticed, because hardly anybody ever thinks to pay attention to what’s casting a shadow, just because they see a shadow at all. Or who is going to notice a shadow that actually has another one just overlaid on top of it? Even if some other changeling’s magic pointed towards that shadow as having something fishy about it, that first shadow is real enough, so how do you really distinguish that the something fishy detected about it is that there’s actually another separate shadow hiding in that real one?

All of which plays into Garrett, just as a person, as he’s like…..that very bland sort of evil, and I mean, you remember the actor we’re talking about here. He basically looks like a Ken doll that’s been left in the EZ-Bake oven for too long so there’s just something slightly ‘melted’ about him or something…..like if you stare directly at him for awhile you’re like, okay, something is Off about this dude, but otherwise you wouldn’t take a second look at him. And so that’s what his magic is like. Its potent enough to make him useful to actually powerful Changelings and members of Bordertown like Theo, but its still nothing that was ever going to make him a major power or heavy-hitter in his own right…..he can help and give others all kinds of advantages with his intel, but he needs someone to actually do something with it, because there’s not really a whole lot he can do there on his own. 

And uh….Garrett is the kind of person who forgets to not be smarmy with people he should really not be being smarmy with, so he uh, tends to need to invest in powerful patrons, because there’s more than a few powerful Changelings who are like “Interesting idea for an experiment….if I were to hold a magical magnifying glass over you, would that do anything different to your shadow? Or just melt your oddly-textured Ken doll wax face all the rest of the way like a candle?”

And Violet is definitely the more powerful and dangerous of the pair of them. Garrett tries to play it off as “No, I am merely cautious and do not try and pick fights I can not be sure I’d win” and Violet’s like “No, you are merely a pansy who does not try and pick fights you know would end with you getting stepped on and squashed like a bug. RIP but I have a spine.”

Even though she doesn’t, totally, because she’s kind of a constantly shifting hallucinogenic fog, sorta….the ironic thing is she actually has the ability that’s more like you were describing with Garrett’s shadow. Violet’s always floating a little above the ground, her hair curling around her head like grasping tendrils of a hazy mist, with a rainbow sheen and a mind of its own….and the rest of her body is always in flux, shifting back and forth between tangible and intangible in a dizzying way that’s hard to keep track of, let alone predict or prepare for.  

So its not like she goes totally intangible, except when she wants to and then she can only hold herself that way for brief periods, usually just long enough to flow underneath the crack in a door like a fog pouring from one side of it and then resolving into her full body form on the other side. But for most of the time, its more like….sometimes her arm is solid and can pick things up, but if you tried stabbing her in the stomach, it would go right through her without any damage. And then five seconds later her leg is solid enough to roundhouse kick you, but the arm she just threw a knife with has turned to mist again. 

Her body always generally looks the same all over, like, she’s got a hazy, ephemeral kind of….softness to her figure, like, shimmers cascading up and down her body all the time, somewhere like a cross between a rainbow and kinda, idk, the prismatic shimmers of a soap bubble, but you can never tell just from a glance what part of her body will be solid to the touch and what part will just be mist your hand swipes harmlessly through…at least not until she punches you in the throat and you’re like oh crap, so that was her fist being solid - not that this is helpful information, as by the time you’ve registered it, that’s already returned to intangible.

Or when she really needs to, she can make her hair just like….strangle someone while briefly solid. Or when feeling particularly nasty, send it fogging up someone’s nose or throat and then make it solid. Since of course, her hair is one of the easiest parts of her mist-self to make people breathe in to get a full hit of her magic.

And as to that part of her magic, the hallucinogenic properties of her mist-self….she can’t control the specifics of what people see when they breathe her mists in, but she can focus it towards a variety of different effects, that differ depending on her mood. Lots of Changelings have magic that isn’t necessarily mood-based, but that shifts either a little or a lot, depending on changes in their mood. With Violet’s magic, by willfully summoning to mind memories that conjure certain moods in her, she can - while still not controlling what her magic conjures in their minds or makes them see - she can sorta….’tint’ what kind of memories or sights or visions her mists lead to. 

A nostalgic mood from her causes anyone catching a whiff of her mists just then to become suddenly fixated on a lost opportunity or a missed regret of theirs, until the magic is flushed all the way out of their system. Focusing on a memory or image she associates with panic herself, right before lashing out with her hair or shoving her palm over someone’s mouth and then turning it to mist so they get a good breath of it, means whatever her magic makes them see then will be something they’re particularly terrified of. A romantic memory will make them seemingly catch sight of a crush they haven’t seen in years, while focusing on some deep secret of her own can make someone caught up in her mists suddenly see something they’re desperate to keep hidden just sitting right there out in the open, totally exposed, and them frantic to figure out how to hide it or get it out of there without anyone seeing or them drawing attention to it in the process. 

And when she’s just out and out looking to wield her magic like a weapon, no subtlety whatsoever, conjuring a painful memory of some kind and then just making sure someone breathes in a lungful of her mists, like…..they’d be hammered with the full-body sensation of whatever their own most painful experience might have been, to such a degree that if the original experience that caused that pain was a close enough call the first time around, even just the mist memory version created by her magic could be just as potentially deadly.

So yeah, of the two of that pair, Garrett likes to bluff and bluster at being a lot more dangerous than he actually is, thanks to whatever secrets his shadow-sneak self picked up without being seen. But doing so tends to not always be his best move, since there’s more than a few Changeling heavy-hitters who are waaaaaay out of his league and are perfectly content to pull a head off a Barbie to keep their secrets unspoken. Meanwhile, Violet’s the truly dangerous one of that pair…..she can confuse, beguile, or even kill, and how do you fight back against someone who’s half-mist at any given moment, or guard against them when they can seep through a crack in your door?

[spooky-pens]

The thing with curvy barbie (i love her don't get me wrong lol) but she's not even plus size, she'd be a size 6/8. She'd still wear a size small rather than barbies usual xxsmall.

This is unfortunately true. The average American woman falls between a size 14-16 and curvy barbie is roughly a size 8, which really is a sign of the times! because in the 1960′s Hanna-Barbera cartoons they describe Penelope Pitstopas “a slender size 9″ then 50 years later we act as if that size is someone on the fast track to morbid obesity.

tragic….really it is.

What Mattel is doing is what I like to call “chubby by comparison” which basically means that if you have a line up of stick thin characters when you put an average sized character in there it makes them look fat next to their counterparts… that is the curvy Barbie in a nutshell… while she is a marked improvement over size 2 Barbie we still have a long way to go before the plus size population is represented in doll form.

which is something I just do not understand…. Play Along had no problems making a plus size doll and they are no where near the mega giant in toy making Mattel is…but what do I know I’m just a dumb consumer.

That being said… I don’t want to write off the curvy barbie entirely because while she may not be an accurate representation of the plus size population what she brings to the table is very valuable and that is scope.

When I say she brings scope what I mean is she brings the idea that women are all different, we don’t just come in one size, we come in many shapes and sizes and that was what Mattel was going for with the body type fashionistas.

Is it perfect? no. I find the lack of diverse nose shapes, eye colors and hair textures disturbing and they completely excluded buff bodies altogether (only Ken is allowed to have muscles apparently. he seems to come in muscular and extra muscular and that’s about it really, but one fight at a time!)  But I think planting the seed that we can be curvy, petite, tall & average does a world of good and she is a very beautiful doll on top of that.

pity about those shoes tho.

[missjennifercole]

Hey guys sorry! I’m not able to get wifi at the condo so I’m having to go to Mcdonalds to post episodes lol. I love you all so much!

EPISODE 24

In the morning, Amber and Omar woke to a knock on the door.

“I'm coming!” Amber grumbled, getting herself out of bed and opening the door with a yawn. “Agent Morris, my favorite Ken doll,” Amber smirked a bit and nodded for him to come in.

“I'm here to pick up Mr. Omar Diaz for the job interview,” Agent Morris said with an unamused face. “We both know he isn't what we're looking for.”

“Your boss disagrees,” Amber said as she nodded to the kitchen. “You want a coffee? Or should I go straight to telling you to fuck yourself?”

“Coffee would be lovely, try not to burn it,” he nodded.

“Omar! Closet-Case Barbie is here for you!” Amber called as she gave him the finger, walking into the kitchen.

Omar got up from bed, coming out to look at the man in a suit standing in his living room.

“Right...the men in black. Give me a minute,” he mumbled, moving back into the bedroom to get dressed.

“Coffee, I hope you burn yourself,” Amber handed the taller blonde man a mug.

“Wow, I didn't know baby weight could go to your ass,” he sipped the coffee.

“I spit in your drink,” she whispered in his ear. Causing him to cough and spit out the hot liquid.

“These are the guys that are so careful with who they hire?” Omar mumbled to Amber sarcastically as he came out in a black button down and slacks. He actually looked liked he was trying to out-serious the man Amber was taunting.

“Agent Morris may look like a bimbo, and he is. But he's also very accomplished.”

“Go back to being mean, nice you is actually making me nauseous,” he grumbled and sipped his coffee again.

“Be nice to my husband, or I will slit your throat, and use your blood to tie-dye curtains for the baby's room, are we clear?”

He snorted a laugh and nodded, “you ready Diaz?”

Amber smoothed down Omar's hair a bit, straightening his jacket and smiling at him. “Knock me dead baby,” she whispered and kissed him.

“You gonna give him a packed lunch too, mom?” The blonde man rolled his eyes.

Amber shot him a look and he chuckled, finishing his coffee and setting the cup on the counter. “Later, Woods.”

“Yeah, yeah.” She rolled her eyes then smiled at Omar gently and blew him a kiss.

Her husband looked more confused than when she’d told him about this mystery job, but he followed the man she’d called Agent Morris out into the hallway.

“So what, are you gonna blindfold me?” he asked playfully. “Put a bag over my head or give me a sedative so I don’t see where your top secret clubhouse is?”

“No, because if you tell anyone, I get to kill you and that would put a damper on Wood’s afternoon and that brings me joy.”

Omar laughed, throwing his head back.

“Kill me, right. Okay. You could try,” he chortled.

He opened the door, putting Omar into the car and sitting beside him, pulling out his phone.

“Alright so I'm supposed to brief you, blah, blah, blah. Basically my boss thinks you're more than qualified and he's interested in negotiations over pay with you.”

“I don’t even know what the job is, so why don’t you start there, genius?” Omar quipped back.

“Please, you won't make it ten days here, I don't know why I should bother. We're taking you to our Manhattan headquarters. Don't touch anything, this isn't like your little barrio, we actually work here.”

“Shut it Morris,” the driver said from the front seat with a laugh. He looked up at Omar from the rear view. “Ignore agent stick up his ass, he's strongly opposed to anything related to Woods working here.”

“Well, seeing as how she’s not attached to my asshole, I don’t see what his problem is,” Omar replied. “She doesn’t work for you, and I haven’t decided yet whether I will either, so why don’t you just unclench your ass. Tell me what the job is, I don’t have the patience for you to be wasting my time.”

“You'll be picking the security teams, and pointing out weak spots in the security.” The man from the front said. “It's an easy job as long as you know what you're doing.”

“Find the holes in the security, fix them,” Morris said flatly.

“Well, that’s easy enough. I can already list off a couple of problems right off the bat,” Omar replied, looking from the driver to Morris. “Make that three,” he added softly, turning his gaze out the window. “I’d hate to see who’s been handling your security already.”

When they pulled into the building, Agent Morris opened the door for Omar and nodded to the building, handing him a pass. “Top floor, third door on the left, it'll say Hannigan on it. Don't touch or break anything,” he rolled his eyes.

“Are you fucking kidding me? How do you know I won’t slit your throat in the next five seconds? You’re not even gonna pat me down? Make me go through any checkpoints, just, ‘Oh here you go, here’s a pass. Go right on in.’ Who the hell is doing security for you? A five year old?”

The man rolled his eyes, giving Omar a careless pat on the back and thigh. “Go inside, Christ. Day one and you're already a pain in my ass,” he grumbled.

Omar rolled his eyes right back; just what the hell had Amber gotten him into? They obviously couldn’t care less about security, so why was he here?

Shoving the door marked Hannigan open, he stepped inside.

A woman turned and smiled at him. “Mr. Diaz? I'm Clara, Mr. Hannigan will be here in a few minutes, can I get you anything to drink?”

“No,” he mumbled, arching a brow. “Thank you. Maybe you can shed some light on what it is you guys do here, Clara. Care to share?”

She giggled, “Oh no I'm not allowed to say much Mr. Diaz. But we do data analysis.” She moved over to him with a camera, taking his picture and moving to the computer to upload it. “Are you sure I can't get you a drink Mr. Diaz? Or some food?” She batted her eyelashes at him and smiled. “Also we will need you to remove the pocket blade from your left shoe,” she said politely, holding her hand out for it.

“No...and no. You guys let me walk in with it, that was your mistake, not mine. I don’t know you. Don’t worry, if you don’t give me a reason to use it, I won’t. And one more thing...instead of asking me if I want something to eat or drink like this is some kind of social call, maybe you could ask before you take my picture. I don’t like when people take my picture, that was very invasive and rude of you, Clara,” he replied.

“My apologies Mr. Diaz, I was simply adding a photograph to your…” she moved to the printer and handed him a badge. “Visitors pass,” she handed it over to him. “And I'm not worried about you using the knife. I'm concened for the magnetic mainframe that leads into the office, it might just...rip the blade out of your shoe and we don't want anyone getting hurt,” her smile never faltered.

“Goodbye,” Omar mumbled, handing back the pass. “Tell Mr. Hannigan that he has a lot of holes in the right places for someone to breach, and way too much security in the wrong places. Not to mention that being cryptic with someone when you’re asking them to do something you need is never a good idea,” he said as he walked back towards the doors he’d come in through.

“Mr. Diaz,” a man's voice said gently as he moved towards the man. “My apologies for the confusion, please, I would be more than happy to explain things. With the way Amber speaks of you, we'd be lucky to have you,” the man held out a hand. “Just hear us out. I would consider it a huge favor if you sat and listened to my proposal.”

Omar glanced down at the man’s extended hand and shook it firmly.

“Fine,” he said softly. “Why don’t you start with who you are,” he added in just as gentle a tone.

“My name is Francis Hannigan, I've just recently inherited the...joy of working in this twilight zone. Before I worked as a war correspondent like your wife. In fact we've worked together on several occasions, which is one of the reasons you've been offered the job without hesitation.”

“Well that explains a lot, but we’ll get to my wife’s involvement in a second. What I meant was, who are you? This company, what is it? What is it that you do here? What are you asking me to keep safe? Assuming I take the job,” Omar replied.

“We're essentially a data collection service, our primary goal is working closely with intelligence agencies to make sure our information is given to the right people. But you'll never need to worry about that, our concern is physical safety. Though we've never had an incident, I'm well aware of the cracks in this buildings system. And I must admit, they make me uneasy. I need someone to hire and fire security members, train the new hires and run frequent drills to make sure we are the Manhattan adaption of the Great Wall of China.”

“Well...that brings me to my next question; if that’s so, why does Amber still have high security clearance when she doesn’t even work here anymore?” Omar asked. “That’s first of all, second of all, why wouldn’t you pat someone down before letting them stroll into your office? Third, you basically spy on people and then eat them out. I don't know how I feel about that, I’m looking to earn straight, but I don’t wanna be associated with Big Brother.”

“I assure you Mr. Diaz, nothing we do here is illegal. Your wife has clearance because we've told her that she's always welcome to have her job back. Along with that, we've also used her for consulting on a few projects. But usually she isn't involved in anything.”

“Neither of those warrant high security clearance when she doesn’t work here...or does she?”

“She does not work here, but her job is a lot more difficult to replace than we'd...expected. So until then, we've kept her clearance to let her consult on things.”

“So she does work here,” Omar replied.

“Not on the books, no. She doesn't want much to do with working at all recently. She's given a long speech about focusing on the baby,” he looked a bit irritated but smiled anyway. “Congratulations, by the way.”

“Yeah, thanks. Then, you need to take her clearance. You know how easy it would be for someone to slip in undetected posing as her? I do. Especially if Agent Buttplug is on duty, he barely patted me down before giving me a badge to come up here,” Omar replied. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he watches Jeopardy when he should be monitoring the cameras. Am I right, Clara?”

Clara blinked a few times, “Um, I'm not allowed to disclose what agent Morris does…”

Mr. Hannigan chuckled, “He's not a security agent, in fact, he's usually out in the field, this is rare for him. And try not to involve Clara,” he said in a quieter voice, “Poor thing seems not to do well if you ask her too many questions.”

“So, he’s your muscle,” Omar replied, tilting his head to one side. “And the only reason you’re offering me the job is because you know Amber,” he added. “Right?”

“Partially,” he said honestly. “We've never heard of you before she mentioned your name, but after looking into you, your resume, or...lack thereof, speaks for itself.”

“I don’t have a resume, in fact, I don’t have much of anything. As far as what’s on paper, I used to do security and managed a stripclub. I’m having a little bit of trouble figuring how that makes me qualified for...this,” Omar replied. “So...I’ll think about it, and let you know in a few days.”

The man stood and nodded, “Take your time, and send my best to your wife. if you do decide to take the job, I can assure you that you will be thoroughly compensated.” He held out a polite hand again and gave a genuine smile, “Nice to meet you, I look forward to hearing from you.”

“Yeah, you too,” Omar mumbled, shaking the man’s hand and walking out. He held up a hand to agent Morris as he passed him downstairs. “Don’t strain yourself, buttercup. I know how to get home,” he said, walking out of the building and going into the subway station to catch the train to a few more job interviews.

When he got home later in the afternoon, Amber was reading a baby book on the couch.

“Hey you,” Amber smiled up at him, rubbing her fingers over her belly. “She's been kicking all day today, it's getting so crazy…how'd the job interviews go?”

“They went fine. Start talking, how long have you been working for Big Brother?” he asked.

“I don't work for big brother, I used to work for them, but when I quit, they said they'd give me a pension if I stayed on as a consultant. So now I take maybe one phone call a month,” she shrugged. “But not since I found out I was pregnant.”

“Why am I just hearing about this now?” he asked her.

“When I said, ‘Sorry I have to take this call for work,’ what did you think I was doing?” She quirked a brow.

“You’ve literally never said that to me, but lets fly with the possibility that you have, even so, you never told me that ‘work’ was with a bunch of spies,” he replied. “Do they know about us?” he asked.

“I don't work with spies, I work for an intelligence agency, it's very different, what about us? They know a lot, it's their job.”

“No, I don’t mean us as in, you and me, I mean us like...do they know about Nevada, the family, what I do-- used to do for them?” he asked.

“Yeah, but I've never said a thing. I've actually never even mentioned your name until the job came up. Everything they know, they have zero interest in using. They just...know it. Now this is the main reason I thought it would be for you. You may not be in the field, or Nevada's right hand. But if this security fails, secrets on everything come out. You'd be...still sort of protecting the family.” She bit her lip. “I really did put some thought into this, I'm trying to find you something you'd enjoy…”

His jaw clenched, fist balling up at his sides as he took a deep breath in through his nose.

“I’m not taking the job, and you are on my shit list for at least a week,” he growled, taking out his burner phone and moving into the bedroom, slamming the door behind him.

“Si?” Nevada answered.

“You might wanna have Chibby and Sawyer look into a guy named Hannigan. Francis Hannigan. He’s got shit on the family,” he said.

“You coming back, bro?”

“No, Amber fucking set me up. Just look into him, he’s got some kind of intelligence agency, and they got all kinds of intel on the family. Their security is shit too, it could all come out,” Omar replied.

“Alright, thanks,” Nevada answered.

Omar hung up and tossed his phone aside, falling onto the mattress face first. There had been one other offer he’d gotten, and though it wasn’t his first choice, it was better than no job at all.

-----

“Mi amor, you just smell so sexy. I love the soap you’re using,  Rafael groaned softly against Roxie’s neck. “Or is it a new perfume?”

She blushed and kissed him softly. “No, I don't wear perfume usually, Rafi, that tickles,” she whispered fondly.

Humming against her skin, he smiled, bringing his nose to nuzzle in her hair as he pulled her flush against his chest.

“You feel so good, Roxie,” he whispered. “I just wanna bend you over and pound the life out of you,” he purred.

She laughed and turned, pointing a finger at him. “Alright, what did you do with my fiancé?”

“I’m right here,” he answered, kissing down her neck.  “I just want you,” he added in a soft whine. “We don't get to spend very much time together with our schedules and I just want us to enjoy each other when we do have time.”

“All of that time lately has been with my legs behind my head,” she teased. “I'm starting to think you're trying to work on that baby boy plan ahead of schedule.”

“Well practice does make perfect,” he replied playfully. “I just want to be close to you. As close as two people could possibly be.”

She smiled and gave him a soft kiss, “we can do that intellectually too,” she whispered against his lips. “Tell me a secret fantasy,” she smirked.

“Well you already know about my weakness for Princess Leia,” he answered. “And I’ve already asked if I could tie you up sometime,” he added. “You know how much I love to be teased.”

He groaned as he turned her over and laid on top of her, grinding his hips against her backside.

“Actually, I think I might like it if you tied me up sometime,” he whispered against her.

“I would like you to wear my panties sometime,” she said casually.

He lifted his head to look down at her, a little surprised, jaw falling open a little.

“Ummm...you...you want me to...wear your panties,” he repeated. “In bed or...for a day?” he asked.

“Just in bed,” she said softly. “You don't have to, it's just a thought. You were naming things, I thought I'd name stuff too.”

“Okay...I could probably do that some time,” he replied, blushing. “What about anal? We’re still doing that, right?” he asked hopefully.

She smirked, “me doing you? Or you doing me?”

Again he blushed, tucking his face into the crook of her neck.

“Me doing you,” he mumbled softly.

She giggled and stroked his hair, “I'm joking love, I'm ready whenever you are,” she whispered softly and kissed him. “I'm really excited about it.”

“Well, I feel a little strange scheduling anal sex, so...maybe we just...you know, play it by ear. What do you think?” he asked.

“I agree.”

“I’d like to take you dancing some time,” he mumbled. “Do you know how to dance salsa?” he asked.

“I do not dance,” she giggled. “I have two left feet, it would be absolutely dreadful.”

“I could teach you,” he offered, stroking her hair. “You want to dance at our wedding, don’t you?”ked.

She nodded and giggled as her phone buzzed. “That must be Jacob.” She pressed accept call and smiled, “talk to me,” she said eagerly. There was a long pause. “Shut up, shut your lying mouth. Are you taking the piss right now? I swear to god if you are!!” She screamed, standing up and smiling. “You are amazing! I absolutely love you! Oh my god! Okay I have to go tell Rafi the news.” She hung up and smiled at Rafael. “I'm going to be on the cover of Business Weekly London!” She looked horrified and excited all at once.

“That’s great, mi amor!” he replied with a grin. “When?”  

“Some time this week I need to fly to London to do a cover shoot and an interview.” She paled a bit. “Oh my god I'm going to be on a magazine…”

“You’ll do great, mi amor. Just be yourself,” he said encouragingly, kissing her cheek. His phone rang and he looked down to see his mother’s name on the screen. “Hey mami.”

“Oye, your tio Chicho says he wants to come to your wedding,” Lucia said, and Rafael’s eyes went wide.

“Oh...good,” he said, not so excitedly.

“You haven’t seen him in years, Rafael…”

“There’s a reason for that,” he mumbled in a barely audible tone.

“Rafael Barba,” she scolded, and Rafael rolled his eyes.

“How did he even find out about the wedding? We haven’t even picked out save the dates yet,” he replied.

“I told him.”

He groaned softly, closing his eyes and sighing.

“Okay, fine. Don’t invite anyone else, por favor,” he said.

“Si, okay,” she replied, hanging up.

“Oh my God, and here I thought I would be able to get away with not inviting this guy,” he mumbled, tossing his phone on the bed before he looked up at Roxie. “My mother invited my uncle Hector to our wedding,” he said, making a face.

“What's wrong with your uncle Hector?” she asked curiously.

“He’s just...tio Chicho...he’s…” Rafael shook his head. “I just would’ve preferred you never having to meet him,” he said simply.

She rubbed his back, “he doesn't have to come,” she whispered. “You know I don't mind telling people they can't come.”

“He’s my mother’s younger brother, if I don’t invite him, especially after my mother already invited him, it will only cause a problem. With him and more over with my mother,” he groaned. “Cuban people are very much about family being involved in everything, especially weddings...we have to invite him now,” he replied in a sigh..

She took a deep breath and looked at him sympathetically as she kissed him. “I love you, and this wedding is going to be about us,” she whispered with a smile.

He smirked softly, clearly appreciating her efforts to be supportive.

“I love you too, and my tio Chicho is the drunk uncle at every event, who clearly is only coming to our wedding because it’s cheap for him to attend. He’s also a shameless flirt, who has zero shame whatsoever. He will almost certainly hit on you, repeatedly in fact, because he is of the belief that because I don’t earn my living with my hands that I must not know how to keep a beautiful woman like you satisfied.”

She laughed, “oh my god! You have one of those uncles! I'm so jealous! I've always had a romanticized idea of how family gatherings would go if I had an uncle like that! Everyone in my family is so boring! Oh my god, please let him give a speech,” she teased and kissed him.

“That is not funny, in the slightest,” he replied, shaking his head. “Just wait. I wager you’ll be crying within the hour of meeting him,” he added. “You know how, you didn’t want you family meeting me? Well...I may have been a bit harsh with you, because Tio Chicho is one family member I would prefer you never, ever meet.”

She looked at him sympathetically, she knew how it felt to want family away from the people you loved. “It'll be okay, if he gets out of hand, we'll have someone take care of it. Just focus on those ‘I do’s’”

“That’s easy for you to say,” he mumbled. “You know that if we have him kicked out of our wedding, we will never hear the end of it from my mother,” he replied.

“Well it's not about your mother, it's our day.” She said softly. “And if she messes that up, you are going to see the temper that you think is so sexy on me,” she cooed. “This is about us. Not your mum, or my mum. Not your sisters or my sister and not your uncle. This is about you, me, and Hemingway, are we clear?”

“Yeah,” he groaned softly. He already knew that even if Roxie never heard the end of it, he would never hear the end of it. “He’s just so embarrassing,” he added. “When I was seventeen, he told me first real girlfriend, Yelina, that she was too sexy for a kid who wanted to go to Harvard and be one of the gringitos.” He frowned at the memory. “Evidently she believed him.”

“Ew, what a dreadful name,” she made a face. “Yelina,” she quirked her mouth in distaste. “Well good, I'm glad he's getting rid of my competition for me. He can flirt all he wants, I only have my eyes on one man,” she whispered and kissed him. “And he's really interested in marrying me.”

Rafael smirked softly, pulling her close and kissing her cheek.

“I love you,” he whispered. “And I know you wouldn’t ever fall for his bullshit, but I don’t...I know you don’t like when I get jealous, but I do get jealous sometimes, and I don’t want to watch him hang all over you. He’s very charming and...I just don’t want him to do something embarrassing,” he added softly.

She smiled and kissed him. “Well, to be fair, sometimes I think it's sexy when you get jealous and possessive,” she purred gently.

He snorted softly, looking up at her.

“Really? I thought you hated it,” he replied.

“Sometimes, when you go overboard. But a little jealousy can be sexy,” she smiled.

“Excuse me, when have I gone overboard?” he asked with a smirk.

She giggled, “You're fighting a losing battle there counselor,” she whispered and laid him down. “Now I have a motion to remove your clothing, shall the counselor comply or...will I have to use necessary force?”

“Necessary force, in this case, does sound intriguing, but really when have I ever gone overboard? I’m curious,” he answered.

She sat up and quirked a brow. “With Jacob? When you were a complete twat to him?” she offered with a growl.

“I was not a complete...twat to him. I didn’t like how familiar he was being with you,” he replied, furrowing his brows. “He’s been inside you,” he argued.

“So? If you were going off of that basis then-” she stopped herself and made a face. “I'm not walking into that.”

“No, please go on,” he replied. “Because I think if I was to behave with one of my exes the way he was behaving with you, you wouldn’t care for it very much.”

“We're friends and business partners. We were also never in love, Rafael. Need I remind you that I didn't date much before you? All of your exes, you were close to in love with. You had a deep connection with them.” She snorted a laugh. “If I'm perfectly honest with you Rafi, my teenage rebellion years were a mess, if you didn't want me close to anyone who's been inside of me, we could never go back to London.”

“Not every ex of mine has been someone that I've been in love with, first of all. Secondly, I don’t have an issue with you being close to someone you’ve dated, but he was all but fucking you right in front of me. Touching you, and flirting with you, I don’t like that,” he answered.

“He wasn't,” she said with a frown. “But I already told him to watch himself around you, since you get jealous,” she seemed irritated.

“Oh fine, so now he thinks I’m some over reactive, possessive jerk,” he groaned back. “I’m sorry if it irritates you that I don’t particularly enjoy some guy that you used to date hanging all over you like chocolate on a sundae, but I don’t.”

She sighed and shook her head and laid back, “fine, well I told him to back off, he's been nothing but respectful.” She gritted her teeth and closed her eyes. “Tell me a poem, a tiny one. Maybe a haiku.”

“There is a thing that nothing is/ A foolish wanton, sober wise/ It hath no wings, no eyes, no ears, And yet it flies, it sees, it hears/ It lives by loss, it feeds on smart/ It joys in woe, it liveth not/ Yet evermore this hungry elfe/ Doth feed on nothing but itself,” he replied.

She closed her eyes and tucked her face into his neck.

“I love you so much,” she whispered.

“I love you too,” he answered, holding her close to him and stroking her bare arm. “I’m gonna miss you while you’re in London,” he mused. “But I can’t tell you how proud I am of you.”

“I'm sorry about the fight,” she said gently.

“What fight?” he asked in a chuckle, looking at her in slight confusion.

“Disagreement,” she corrected.

“About Jacob? Oh, I’m over it, mi amor,” he assured her, pulling her closer to his frame. “Hmm, what do you think? Wanna do the Sunday Times crossword?” he asked kissing below her ear.

“That sounds delightful,” she smiled. “I love that idea,” she kissed him and smiled.