#she's also putting him through ABA and the only people pointing that out are also autistic ofc

[beauzos]

you ever read a post on reddit. or any website really about an autistic person and think. wow neurotypicals really see themselves as victims for having to deal with autistics, esp. if there’s an autistic in their family. and other neurotypicals have far more sympathy for that than the shit autistics go through

[kaediisarchive]

chrysanthemum | daisy | lilac

[ @redcrimes | botanical headcanons | still accepting ]

chrysanthemum :   how does your muse express romantic love ?  how do they feel about love as a concept ?  

          Something that is core to Skarlet is her intense desire for love and affection in any form, be it platonic, familial, or romantic. She was deprived of it in her childhood, growing up in an abusive household and later living on the streets as an orphan. It’s something that manipulative individuals have noticed in her in the past and used as a method to control her (familial affection and approval from Shao Kahn, romantic affection from Reiko). She can make all the excuses for her choices that she wants, but the driving factor that let them manipulate her was her drive to be valued by someone. To be loved in whatever form it takes. She tries her best to suppress it, especially now looking back at how it was used against her in the past, but she cannot bring herself to fully put it aside. So, love as a concept to Skarlet is a double-edged blade. It’s what she wants most in her life, but it’s also the thing that has hurt her the most. She is avoidant of it for the most part, trying her best not to get attached to anyone, but when she does love, she loves deeply. So deeply that, when things go wrong (which she sees as an inevitable thing based on her past experiences), it will wound her in a way that no other physical or mental pain could match.

          As for the expression of romantic love, Skarlet is a very affectionate person. Her main priority when she’s in love with someone is supporting that person, putting their needs before her own. She’s very “touchy” in private and physically expressive. She is very in-tune with her sexuality and sensuality, and romantic love will definitely bring out the latter in her. She is thoughtful and puts in a lot of effort to help her romantic interest be their best self. This comes in many forms, be it unsolicited compliments (that are more personal to that person rather than generic compliments), surprising them with their favorite foods/items, helping them with their work, contributing to their hobbies, and other random acts of kindness. She is very protective of her romantic interest and their well-being. She notices the small changes in them that occur when they are sick or stressed and will actively encourage them to prioritize themselves and their health over everything else. She cares for them when sick, and if stressed, she will create the most comfortable environment she can for them, including keeping stressors (work, other people, etc.) away from them for as long as they need. Skarlet is selfless in love and self-sacrificing, and this quality can easily be taken for granted or misused by others. A good partner will make sure that she takes care of herself, too.

daisy :   did your muse ever feel as though their innocence had been lost ?   what moment in their life could be described as the end of their innocence ?

          Skarlet definitely feels like her innocence was stolen from her at a young age. It waned all through her childhood as she was constantly exposed to horrible things and forced to participate in her father’s crimes. He made her steal, pickpocket, scam people, help him cheat when gambling, and all sorts of shady shit like that. But there is definitely one moment in particular that she marks as the moment her innocence was lost completely: the moment she watched her father be beaten to death by debt collectors. Aba died a few short months later, and Skarlet was on the streets with no one to support her. Even though her father was shit, she still cared for him at the time because she was a child who didn’t know any better. Though now her opinion of him has changed in hindsight, it was traumatic, not only because it happened at all, but because she witnessed it firsthand.

lilac :   what was your muse’s childhood like ?   how has their upbringing affected them as they’ve aged ? 

          Her childhood was awful and set her on a dark path. (Here’s a compilation of various headcanons I have about her childhood, since I’ll be referencing some of them.) Her father was verbally and emotionally abusive and treated her like she was responsible for her mother’s death. He was also a gambler and a drunk who taught her to lie and steal. And as mentioned, he was beaten to death before her very eyes, so that was highly traumatic. She spent a few months afterward with a loving grandmother-figure she called “Aba”, but Aba died, and Skarlet was forced onto the streets when she was only eleven years old.

          From that point, Skarlet had to make a living by stealing. For a time, she stole on behalf of other orphans that shared the warrens of the Imperial City to earn food for them all, but after her thievery got her best friend Teeko killed, she blamed herself and exiled herself from the others.

          To make it short, here’s a bullet list of the ways her childhood affected her:

She was indoctrinated into crime early. She has no solid morality; she’s a survivor first and foremost, and she’ll do whatever she has to do, regardless of where her actions fit within the societal concepts of “right” and “wrong”. It’s all grey to her.

She’s highly distrustful and hesitant to get close to people.

She has a crippling fear of loss.

She craves the love, affection, and approval she was denied in childhood, and this has been used to manipulate her several times.

She’s got classism issues that skew towards a disdain for the upper classes, especially when it comes to the Edenian nobility due to her experiences. Not only was it an Edenian noblewoman who sent the guards after her friend Teeko (guards that killed him) setting the stage for this to develop, but Shao Kahn also purposefully fostered jealousy in her towards Kitana and Jade in order to keep her on his side so that when Kitana inevitably turned against him, Skarlet would not join her. I would say it’s ironic that Skarlet has this bias considering she is unknowingly half Edenian by heritage, but her bias isn’t directed towards Edenians as a whole, only the Edenian upper class specifically, and tbh, her classism has slowly lost that kind of specificity directed at the Edenian nobility over time since Shao Kahn died, and now it’s more along the lines of “fuck greedy, rich bastards” in general.

She has survivor’s guilt from Teeko’s death.

She has intense PTSD that manifests in the form of nightmares, night terrors, disassociation periods, intrusive memories, periods of severe depression, and insomnia. She’s learned to live with it because she’s had it from such a young age, but her symptoms have not gotten much better since then. It may seem to others (who know this about her) that her PTSD has gotten better since she doesn’t react vividly to these symptoms any more, but it hasn’t, she’s just grown used to them.

[throwingideasatthewall]

Clone Wars:         Season 2

      Episode 1 Holocron Heist

We just   had     a heist

[One   nonsense    enough    to knock    me into   nonsensical   incoherent      rambling...]

    Two

Okay...

I’m prepared...

To do.   nonsense...

  Urgh

   Okay..

[Title      Screen]

  [Woah!]

    ....  ..    

Aight

    Okay

A lesson learned,    A lesson earned

Oh..

     That         snapped me out of it,

     A lesson earned                  is           a lesson earned

        [you don’t need a        person to tell you     basic         common sense                                you can figure out yourself]

  ....

   Assumed authority is     bullshit                                       Don’t need to                                    earn any-      [Sorry,              Still           Recov-       er-         ing           From           Last          ep-        Isode]

                  Okay...

                   Any-way

                   Jedi on a                        planet                             . .

                     Some-how                         tr                            ap                               ped                                 -                          Surrounded                               Clones                                  -                                Right-                                     -                           Why?

                           Like - if you needed parts-

                           Okay-

                             I’m                                  in  

                               -terested

                                 Any way...

                                     Wait                                      cruisers?  

                                      Gun   ships?                                                                   R-escue

                                       Oh                                              wait-

                                          That’s                                              Good

                                            Oh                                                  No,

                                              It’s                                                    Plo..

Jokes       About       How       He      Got       His      Men      Blown      Up                         Just                                gonna                                 put                                   this                                 over                                 here

                              Been a                                 while

Also Hey     yeah      what         is         he        doing         here?

  Doesn’t         he       have      Jedi        things        to       do?

      Get           a         new         fleet?

        I mean                th-            (Don’t                Condone               Child               So-                L                diers!)

  But    every     time       it’s     always    Obi-Wan      and    Anakin    because        all         the           rest        of          them        are         too        busy

     So             What-

     Alright          -          Whelp           -          I      don’t       care         —-

   Whelp          —        Ex-plo          —         Is      this       just       going         to       be       an     action        piece?        (Nothing       wrong        with           that;           just        need           a      different      mindset,)

     From          the     applications             of        child       soldiers           -          To          Shoot-

    -Why?

      It’s-       Nice-

-Droids

   Plo-

 General-

     ?

Ev-

Neat-

Good-

 Whelp-

  Grab ‘em to the medic        And Go!

   (Seriously       Windu figured this out yesterday.)

    Grunts

    You’d         think        the Jedi would give the      order?

Seriously,         Good miss,          Five           Min-           Got          Some           One-          Killed

   “ Asoka,”

   First Asoka       mention in the first five minutes

                                [maybe they got her character                                     better.]

                                  -Jungle

                                    You sent-                                         A child

                                    That                                        Logically can’t improvise                                      ...                                              Into                                              a jungle

                                      ....

                                      The  

                                     Fuck    

                                    Skywalker?                                     

Con-tact      Her        -         Dead      -       She’s very likely      dead-       -      Anyway       -        Hope   Anakin     taught       her    those    moves-       -      That’s       a      lot       of     emotion          -           In        the        movements;         Again;

     Monotonous,           Stunted,            Robo              Tot              -ic

         That’s                How              Child-

Nope-

   Tone’s          Off

So,         just           to           go            over;

       1. Tone ❌        2.  Dia-                  Log                   Ue- (?)

        3. Move               -ment    ❌

              I’m hop-

Extract-

     Taught-  

     Okay- 

     Teach         -ing   s

     Aight           Mary          Sue-

      I’m        sorry         but         the        light          is       literally       coming         out!

      Whelp-

      Okay-

        So it’s Ahsoka an    adult yet?

         Like that can be explained away as   acco-untability

          Otherwise,     she should   have a hard time        with        one       Droid!

      (No wait didn’t Obi-Wan just call her                  ‘young one ‘)?

                 Nope!

           Movie, get over there in your               shame corner

  That-        Was painful       over-      reacting

 And         Focus-

   I    Don’t        -      You    couldn’t      have     forced          it     more             if     you    tried         -

        The             Force-           d cha-          nge i          -n         Perspective           Not      Apprec  -iate      D-        . . .    .      Moving         on

  Whelp        ...

    Get            In          -

   That’s           a      direct      order-         -

  “Can’t-”

   Nope!

   That’s            It-

   Tone ❌

   Dialogue; ❌,?

   Move;   ❌    Ment

  Turn in your bad  

  writing card,    

   Movie

   ❌

 (Not a series strike,        Just             A          “Fuck         You,          Strike

          On the            Movie                 And,                This            Chara              -cter

                               (We just had such a good-

                                              Maybe; it gets better?

                                                                               Skipped ahead;                                                                                          It doesn’t

                                                                                       Sigh-

                                                                              *Puts on earmuffs

                                                                                 Meta-phorically

Aight      Back        To       19:06      (Original      time     stamp;           Play

*Think

 Friendly      Fire-

 Nvm

*Thing      Ex-plodes

   In-       stantly

Whelp-     

 You   called       her   before      a   council            ??

   Child          -ren          Can’t          Think           -

Okay

        Movie

       Children                  can’t                         think-

    From ag-

      “This is-”. 

       It should                    be   

         -But                           The              writers                        -                refuse                      to                  write                                  her                                   as                                   child                           -       

The       Pro-

“I-

The          Pro-            Blem         As         the     story       seems   to         be        placing            the               Jedi            on            a            high          pedestal     

        .....                Their             actions               here                as              reasonable       

           .....                         But                          it’s                  not                            ...                If Ahsoka was a child it would be a cruel use of power showing how used only to put the younger generation down before they’re                  old enough to understand it

              And how they’ve given Anakin the illusion of power   

                  -Boomer                               Bait

              If she’s an adult;                           This would be a show of        how             she’s childified by her peers

               As it stands;       

               The writers refuse to chose

Concerning,  due to the fact that  

Child-ify                 Ing            An                Adult       ......    Is    Wrong

  And      adult-ify        ing        a       child       is    wrong         ...      

  Un        equivocally,

Tally    Of       How     Many       Times       Ahsoka-        Is        Adult          -ify          Ied-           ;     

      This is necessary

 [Excuse for odd formatting           The “Movie”,                (Under the                picture)                  Caused                    Tumblr                    To                  heck                   up                  my               spacing)

           Continuing                   on;

“Time    away      from     the      battle-       field,”

  Good,        For          A        Child       Solider        -     (And   would’ve     been       a     good     show      that      any     kind   -ness     from     them       is   performative           ...

                   “Guard duty,”

Tally   Of      How   Many      Times      Ahsoka-       Is      Adult         -ify        Ied-         1

 Cite;      Child     ren    Don’t       have     that    much   emotion,        Nor    Pre-      fer      ence-        -

                 “Longer                       now,”

                    Dick                         —-                     Kinda

                     It’s                          better                            for                           children                             not                              to                               be                                in                              battle                                  —

                              So                                 not                                     a                                  complete                                    dick...

                                But                                   not                                    optimal...

                                 “Sorry”

So he said by people who don’t wanna take accountability for their actions and just stop doing the thing and     stop bringing the toxins into the world                                  

Point;     If you    were sorry    you would       stop     doing it,       stop     bringing         it        up,       and            do      better...     —-       Trying         to       control         the      narrative         isn’t          nice          (When           the          truth            is        objective)

       Only           the           self           may            be          both             .....

Security      -

  “Knowledge,”

    *Bag-age

      “Hm,”

  . .. .

   ...

...

Fisto  

...

 In-side

 St-upid      Forbid       Den    

Know-ledge

   (It’s likely   about     plants        Or      Weapons)

Also;

     Boomer         Bait!    

     (That’s something they offer younger         generations to follow their           stupid outdated tradition)

      It’s always          worse...

     (Also, this isn’t about Ahsoka trying to steal the         Holocon thing is it?

      Because her character is already                                                  -hateable- enough

        And if she has enough initiative             to steal the holocon

          - She’s an adult

           And should              be allowed entrance             anyway

          “Jedi            Council,”

             So,                  lady was a Jedi?

               Aight,

                Keeping an eye                     on that                        ...                  Aight                       -   

                 No

                 Went through one.                     drug trip

                   Already

                   .....

                 [Okay...

                ..Got                   a Drink                  of water                   ——                        Interrupt                     -ion

                  Wait I thought he was just a                     ball of                     fuck your plot

                  You’re telling me he actually works                      for                       Palpatine?

After   threaten       ing      Palpatine?

   This      dude           -        fucking         drug           trip            -

...Ser     vices

    I       honestly       thought          he         was             a          [fuck           your          shit]            guy

Now    he’s      a     de   tec- tive

Noir    ....

Movie     that’s      too      many     genres        .....

  You-     need       to    slow   down      .

          Your main            Chara-                   Isn’t                 Even               Esta-                    Blish                      -ed                      Prop                          er                         Ly

            Nevermind                    the           characterization

                 Note if it had been established he changes things every so often that would be neat

                 As                   it stands

               This                  dude is a                 fecking roller coaster

             Not any                thing                resembling                   good

[Giving    your      aud-   ience     a       drug   trip   isn’t   good   writing]

      It makes        them         dizzy!]

      So...       

    Holocron

    Like Palpatine is literally doing this just to fuck over       Ahsoka?

     Also, this is going to result in Ahsoka    being     unchild     -like       To take them out      too?

   I’ll get the -      counter     ready

[yes I have seen it    literally            every   Mall cop/ security guard movie   ever

The   fun     .    seeing how your    (Good)    chara      cters         -     interact     with      the   scenario          -       That’s      not   happening       here        -          If she was a child this would show how    Anakin‘s orders react with the environment

    If       she’s      an    adult;        We’re working through a checklist;         About        what we know about         her;

      Likes, dislikes, how they might come up in a   situation...

       The suspension...            coming when they do

With      Ahsoka...

  What do we know about her?

   Honestly?

    We know she likes         fighting         (Already in enabler of toxic behavior           -against other living beings)

       We know literally       nothing else about          her

       Except...

      That she’s      perfect...

Re-moving         All      Tension;

  Deal

I’m surprise he just wasn’t like    oh      yeah      sure,”

   [Ditches         with       the money]

    ...         ..

   Oh they’re actually talking   strategy

   Usually it’s just         ‘fuck em’ up            And that’s all             we ever           hear

Er-

Whelp-     Yodi’s    dead

Alas,       Poor      Narc

[assuming he can actually sense     disorder in the ranks]

 Gen.      Leader      Ship.      Tox

 He should know     he shouldn’t be doing that

  Focusing     on him       self

    And        practic        ing     accountability          ....       Constantly     micromanaging           and      checking            in            on             your           peers                   ..            Isn’t           going          to make             them           more           likely           to be       accountable..

        It’s         going            to          piss         them             off              ...

      Your (evident) distrust creating a toxic environment              As you were refused to               trust their   char   -acter

  You can’t give me   respect the guy that was just snooping      (Through the whole   uni-verse)

      That’s           the         point...

         A         dis-turbance          in the force

     Yeah?

     Intruders there will   be

     Okay, bullshit       he can see that

   Like;           Peri-pheral            Okay

    (Still tox that you don’t expect your peers          in a peripheral.          to be able to hold             accountability)

But this is galaxies     away        (Ac-tually.    on    Corousant)

  But.      He         Should        n’t       Know        That-

  ‘The      Narcs    pulling    authority     again,       master,”

  “Shh,       this         is         what         we        train-    I mean groom -        you         for!,”

     “But          You            Said,”

      (Con-tinuing             Earl-ier,)

   [Seriously        I meant to bring it up                                earlier,

             But are they really inhabiting                      Zero the hutt’s                         old hotel]

Like it could just be a Noir hotel

 But the positioning       and location         seem         familiar             . . .

     Tell        me...

    Who          the       frick           is          this?            ?

   “What            you        are      doing      back      there?”

    ...   ..

  Aight...

 Assis      -tance

    God          Lord,           He’s           Try             -ing

        -

    Main     tenance

     If I don’t idea   (who this guy was )or what was going on    then maybe that would make sense

       As it stands,             Nope,

        Crash-               es

        What’s             that?

         ....

       What?

       Seriously.             all he did was put another thing into another thing?

        ???

        ...

      Aww, he actually trusts           Bane..

    Thank you         ...

    Door..

    Techno         Service         ...       Droid

     As in a      “tech      -nical  service droid?          (Rt          (IT)     Tech             Guy?

     Or a technical     assistant         (One made of       tech)?

      (Or one specializing in    techno dance moves?)

     Also   is he supposed to get them      in?

  Is    that thing?

 They-   didn’t     really     establish     much-

 Butler      Droid...

Change?

 Todo...   “You are what I say    you are,”

Roomba- kicker

Also, having a roommate is just straight up       detective fiction...

 Like     buddy-cop detective but still     detective

  With noir,      Which       is supposed to be focused on independence        Dis(trust) in society        Which is       admittedly       (toxic)

   Or         seems          to be

     Those two   themes...

          Directly contra-      dictory

[with   Griev-      ous     they       made       it    work,     But     he   wasn’t      this    -         ]

“Uh,”

You    are    not   “The   Doctor,”       -      [that work      ed as    manif-   estation      Of    Greiv-     Ous’s      Toxic    Be-      Hav       -ior-         And      Human      Want        For        Com-        Pan    Ion-        Ship        -       Or         At        Least-      Vul-          Ner-          Aba-              ili            Ty-           -           This          Guy            -          So far he’s a       n(e)igh        invulnerable       Douche          Bag            -            With           No            -thing          Humane-            -           Not           quite      Ahsoka         levels              -       Intend       -ed           To be          an adult            -          Just-            -            Really needing to go     ham -           On the arrogance            And            inhumanity               (He sold his soul for      money- But makes it look      so good- what                    he                   does-                  Gets a sick       kinda  enjoyment from it,”)

             That’s how you   have,  to pull it off

             As it stands;    there’s      no    emotion     with      this    character

Is   the   robot   supposed to be like his   morality pet?

But he’s a   dick to   him   too

Really   he gets nothing   from me

How do even in the    “I-don’t-feel-anything-I’m-so-edgy-and-cool     look at me!’

  Vibes

   There’s nothing     fun...

   Yeah you can throw all the   ...clichés         you want in there

   [But that doesn’t work       if you don’t use them          properly]

     [I see the team up        with a female bounty       -hunter]

    [Predictable         “I work Alone...]           The only thing          those stories               share

            In minute]

But ‘once the effect of’   ‘wow that’s a lot of things.    Has worn off

 The story and character left   heartless

“Non-of- your       Bus-        iness,”

  Doesn’t have the     cockiness to make it      work

  [this isn’t    power-         Ful-]

    Down       right        ..cringe

      As it tries to shove shove two genres.. .    At least...        That don’t          Quite          .work                ...

        Least not the   way they’re trying to make them     work  

.....

..Today

 It’s noir

 The point is      no one’s          in a    good mood.. ...

Aight,

Wasn’t that-

Also,   shouldn’t      he    know-

 Based on how      open-     She     is-      To un-     veiling        her       mask..

   - -

   Robot

So sh-   ouldn’t she ask the robot to leave the room?

(If it’s such a big deal     to her?”)

   He can just run their       face through a     face scan       no?

 Mid-rim

   I thought he didn’t have a way   in?    [That’s a   pretty pathetic   way in.. .]

    [Palpatine’s      screwing           with            him]

       [Giv           -ing            Him             a          hard          time         and       satis    -iating           -          The    ab-    omin-      ations    desire      for    blood🎵,

    Two      birds,         one       stone,

     Also,       Movie,           That’s           the       wrong      amount         of      planning           for        the      wrong      genre          -        We don’t care how the   bank ro    -bbers      Art      -thieves

      Got           There

       This           isn’t           Heist              -           [Money           Heist,              Not              Terr-              Esc]             Got              It           Wrong              [Pre              dict-                   The                  Plot-]               Last                Time.                -

           The                 Focus              isn’t           Character              building-                  - it’s the                   ‘out of depth                     characters reaction to the                    scenario,’

And the wacky hijinks that    ensue

 Using their   talents...    

   Contrast-      ed against the environment        (Mall        cop        example]     

     Which seems to be the best       fit

   Stealing         the-  Holocron-           -         WHAT WAS THE         PURPOSE-

        Well-                At least they ack          -now-ledged                 Planning          really isn’t part of the subset,

                 Good                    (For them?)

                Aight                    Impossible                     ...

             What are the              emotions?

           [like they              literally.             just through in                   the              “the only place...”

             Why..?

             So quick rehash                    (Sorry                      but I can feel the                        drug                          trip coming through,)

                      (Effects-                             Of                            Dealing-                           With                              (bad) excess character;

                         (Deserts                               Metal...)

                       [Refresh]

                       He has a map of the Jedi temple                            Chip                            (Oh so that’s what that-                              (Isn’t he                            still-)  

                    [Changlin’]

                     Aight

                 Bog

                  [Refresh                        End]

                  [Voice                       acting?

                  [Mouth                         sync]

                      ...                        ..                      Aight

                      ..

                    In                         Tru-

                   Maybe                       take                        the                       teen- off guard duty

                     A thought

                    [but-seriously

                       No high                           Alert?

                        Only these   two..?

                        Info-     -Mation

                      Baggage

Seriously money would be a better   option

                        Or       just    street     cred

                     (Adult) humans,                         Aren’t that Liniar...

                    Any way...

                    East   Tower                          ....

  Well that’s better than some   dusty    old     books        -      Holos

  (Seriously at least that’s   present    baggage.)

  Whelp

   Nobody       notices         this       bullshit!

       On a supposedly          secure a       military          base            ....        ...

      Also in the Mid- day break           fecking           daylight!               (With the         hiest it made sense,                 That was a hostage                 political situation                Meant                  to draw in a huge                                              crowd;

               How?

              Cool                   Alright,

               Hey                   isn’t                   she                supposed                     to                      be                    standing                      still?

                 (Guard)

                  Doing patrols?

                   Like                       no                    emotion,                       Face                     Forward,                    Professiona                  -lism

                Not                 Greeter

             (Didn’t they literally call it       guard duty?)

              Like just say you’re sending her to   library service...

              Assis                  -tance

              Again,                  Wrong                     Field...

              They’d                    be                  talking                     to                    the                  library                   helper                    (Official)                      Con-

                 Bother

Not   how a   child   reacts Tally   Of      How   Many      Times      Ahsoka-       Is      Adult         -ify        Ied-         2/3  

   Cite;      Asoka       shows    intentional       over involvement      instincts        more       befitting          of          an          adult            ....

     Good

     Fully    understand        able      reaction          (Kinda)

    (Don’t          yell         at       children)

      Don’t      over involve       yourself             in          the          future            ....

    (But if you’re an        over-         involv         ed         and           (un-)childlike       abomination              (Getting          shoved             for              this                is               likely                 going                  to               happen)

              Dude was actually nicer than       an adult

             Enabler

             (Rule                    Of                    Excess                   Society;                    While                   excess                  verbalization                         is                      ex-                  pected,                   Getting                   in                     someone’s                   way                    (non-sport                        Ing-)                         (Or con     -ferr       ed-)            U-pon

                       Is                          not,                            Attemp                          ting                            to                          move                           them                             away                               the                           customary                                five                              times                                is                            expected)

                            Aight,

So the librarian was right there as     she     harassed        her     client)

    (Not saying;           But           you should get involved        in tox that doesn’t involve you)

      Just don’t         think that would excuse           Her         from ire

      “I can’t do anything right,”

Tally   Of     How   Many     Times     Ahsoka-      Is     Adult        -ify       Ied-       3/4

 Cite;      Child         -ren          Aren’t aware of      self        Ahsoka would repeat a line      blank       -ly

   “Likely      ‘sorry’

   Then back   away

  [Or      the      or     dered    rea       ction-)

    Aight

   Whelp

   Yes

   Just at the librarian be the      pro tag

(She’s      Tox        But..    .        Less         Tox..    ...

   But           Still..

  [Make         [Better]   Pro-ta  g        Than      Ahsoka           ]     

   In..   ...

  That’s a        library   computer..

   You      need        a      pass-        word.       -    The     robot-

   How?

  -

  What?

  Weak     Point?

  You know for     Boomer bait         They      mis-construe        How the library        works a lot

     [I know           -Hav-             Ing            Dealt-]

       Talk-ing            in the            library,

         Is pretty           off

         Like there’s        a reason people are encouraged            to go into the hallway             to take phone calls

          Loud

         These are the guys that value    meditation

          Dude.     Would be shushed       By   Several     irate      Jedi          ...  

    Told to     take it      outside          ...      ...

   I-

[I feel bad   For the Roomba]

[like dude, gaslights him      and then takes       his memory]

Like, Adults      Out     of     it.   ...

  But      ...Droids

   [we don’t know much about the       sentient ones     Or how much   senti ence]

    But          this         whole       scene...

    Makes me feel     dirty

    Like;       it’s played     for humor

    When;       it should be played            to how much         a bastard           this guy               is

      Screw-   ing         with       anything-  

       Like            That              ...  

      Toxic            ...    

      Sick..

  How?

     Aight..

    What.         .

    Re-          Cyc

    Why?         ... ..

Kenobi

Jump-ing coincidence

     [i’m con   -clusion]

       Damn,        the narc

         [No one   tell him   anything]

   [Might       fake         a       heart       attack]

    Comm.

     [How half assed is         Yoda’s peripheral?]

     Venti -lation

  -That’s        Smart-

   Almost       -Too             -Smart-

        👍  

  -Tower

    High         Alert

   Place            the       Temple        -

    Wasn’t, already?

    Left it undone

   Way to go     smart     guy           -      Cool        -        But      kinda    pointless..

 Aight-       Never mind

  I-  Might’ve       Been      Wrong-

 Al right

[Seriously,   no one hears this?]

 [In most heist movies      they at least had the    intelli-     gence-

    [No hate       -villains can be stupid]

  Do you some small well           re-lativel unknown library

   [or at least not the one     at the place they were robbing]

   Because everyone would      recognize that the actions occurring match up to what he’s describing         And the description        Of their       building.]

   Aight

   Neat-

   Past

  Whelp-

  Aight-

  Shred-          (Un-acc         Oun         T-able)

     K-Pop

     Well        that’s            a       name...

    Whelp..

Cool.. ..

Bane    ...

Whole..     temple

   And I heard you very          obviously        plotting...  

   So...  you’re getting kicked

Also he could be possibly looking up     intruders plans.. ...

Like pretty one dimensional     opinion    of on ‘High Alert’, lady

  [Especially       for a         librarian.]

Thank    you

 Whelp...

  There went my expectations

   Also,     Every Jedi leaving the library didn’t notice that that     shit?

   Like,  they didn’t have guard’s ready to apprehend him 

   ...On the           Other              Side?

         Okay...

         You just           moved her...

         Do you know this could’ve been an episode             with a lot of emotional depth              Showing how terrifying adults that abuse children can be             adults that            swear to have their interest in heart               And how overinvolvement               Is harmful              regardless of who it’s coming from                (Neglect- of child-                   And - accoun                       tability)                   Working off the                “blank line”,                 ‘I can’t do             anything right,’                    And the Jedi                -Council’s treatment of                   her                “Foreshadow                   -Ing,”                    (I use              that word              loosely)   

            Their            down-                fall

             Instead                     we                got                  this-

           And              he just abandons            the computer-

     Aight,             Just contin          -ued on - with          -out his         instruction

       Despite          see-ing           how bad           that          went.       Al-right

     Okay-

    Aight

    Really?

   Without    instructions?

   .

   In

    Calls       friend

     You were               fine       without him       the last few        seconds              .....

      “Give-”

   Not gonna      question that?

      “Voice-”

       She’s            a changling..

            “Now,”

          Hidden

          You’re              in a vent?

           Oh, Skywalker has           immediate            intuition               ...

           And a breech           didn’t somehow sound off alarms

          Yeah. .             Good..thing you didn’t close up the thing              ..

        Whelp..

        How?

       Okay. .

      Shame..           they didn’t get a hold of a force sensitive         kid             (I- don’t want it to       happen)

       Just-

      .. .

   .. Here

     Hurry          I can         Hear..       .        Bull-        Shit         .

   You have rocket boots        they have the force

    You shouldn’t         hear shit-

   Sur-prisingly,         No Ahsoka

     Good

    The lower       the counter stays..   

       The        better          for       humanity

 [and my      brain]

   [Vent]

   Seriously,       you didn’t tell your       partner?        About the Jedi on       High Alert?

   Ser-          Force-

   How deep         is that        thing?

   [Aight,          Pat-

    You’re telling me they still haven’t figured out the        Holocron?

     We only           saw-

     Shouldn’t one of you go one way and the        other go the other?

    To cover     more ground?

    They’re-        Really       putting       a lot      of faith-

In the   Comms

  Also shouldn’t there be more   Jedi crawling over the place?

   Seriously,         it’s just these two?

     [We know Plo       isn’t doing anything important.]

    [We saw       him near the opening?]

    And        Kid Fisto..

     Heck...          Is   everybody else doing?

    A-ight

   “Closer,”

    Shouldn’t it be      ..further

     Archive..     [Library]         Comms?

     Got it-

     Whelp..

      Okay..

      Not, putting up that       door,

      What are you         smiling about?

      There’s plenty of lasers

     And      you don’t even know        where the thing       you’re looking for               is

           (Inside the compartment)

      ....

   Aight

   Might- not have been a   smile-

    Look for       the open         vent   

    (Dude clum-           Un-          Acc             ountable)

       With             Vents

        Also look at all these        assholes standing around          doing nothing

  Also, no one’s going to check up on the child 

  Like, Ahsoka surely got that message      right?

   Temple-

   Deep in the         temple-

   Use-less

      ...

    ‘Cause you’re idiots       who don’t check for open vents           Or cover      more ground?

   Or...  

    [Get, anyone to help you, in this big ass vent,”

   It’s not very hard to see       why.. .

   Ass         -itance

  Ahsoka’s,         not gonna get blamed for this      is she?

   Won-

   Yeah, the narcs      pretty     useless

    Also, why can’t you have the dude just shut off those lasers like he did the rest?

  Done

    Oh, they address it   

     Good,

     Yep,

     How?

     But...

   Okay...   

...

    Okay   

   ....  

    What’re you         still       doing          ...

   Okay,

  What’re        you      doing?

   [Is the Holocron seriously right       there?]

     That’s. lucky

      Weirder               and             Wei-rder

         Hey isn’t your personality        over-written?

           By the               chip?

            Aight

          S-eriously?

         Still              Here?

         On- alert-?

Coin-     cidence?        !

  Augh

    Is that’s seriously the alert?

     Several          minutes-

       No wonder         those guys           were so late...

          ...

       Sense           De-          Cep          Tion

     Po-          S-ing            As            A           Jedi.

       Okay           now         Yoda’s            just         reading             the          death               report

     Jo-casta

     What?

       But           that’s         actually             a           good            idea                -              If shits about to go down you might as well find the person who might hold them accountable instead of letting you get the shit beat out

       Run-

       Serious-ly           shouldn’t she just shout out her name?

       [Like I know                       - High Alert-                     But Ahsoka isn’t going to be much use against a                    Adult...                Either way                                        Might as well   find her [and     scare off the intruder-]

  Also how come     “innocence”        doesn’t get           the same notification

       Did they forget his              wristwatch?

       [Like-            seems important-]

       Who are you?

           Dang                 It?

            You               were             supposed                  to                report                 back!

               Also no one           heard any of this before

           Also; are you going to tell me that AHSOKA, the child   soldier,      Is going to beat this guy       When      the fully trained elderly Jedi got her ass kicked?

   Nah.. .

   “You,”

    Dead

Tally   Of      How   Many      Times      Ahsoka-       Is      Adult         -ify        Ied-           4/5

   3x

-Un-orthodox show of initiative              1x

-Counter          1x

- Surviving this            1x

(4x) 

  Getting her on the           run!

        1x

Tot; 7/8

-Surviv-ing;

   - 1x         - 1x

    -1x

    -1x         -1x

    -1x

    -1x

    -1x

    -1x

   -2x         (I’m tired of counting them        one by one-)

     -2x

     - 2x

     - 2x

     - 2x

     - 2x

    - 

    Er

    Okay

     Whelp

    Aight

    -Right

    Shape

    -Skill

     -Ew

     Whelp

      Okay-

      Where did         your get your skills from?

     Abomination?

     Aw-  

     Todo-

   -Yet

    What-ever

    Butler

    Tech

   Neither         of       which       have     anything        to do         with       ironing        doors        open           ....   

      ....       There       he goes

     Sy-mpathesize-  more with him            than this douche bag even if his          turn does make a little sense

     Aight.

     Whelp

      Finally found that          vent.. .

       Right

       No, he wasn’t

      “Comms,”

        Not            Holo-          Cron

      .....

     Completely un-realistically        

Tally   Of     How   Many     Times     Ahsoka-      Is     Adult        -ify       Ied-        28/29        And         1/2

    (1/2 because referring to the action what respectively doesn’t count as a whole- sin-          It does deserve note that you decided to repeat your bad writing-)

         Jedi

   She       Says-

  (Un       Be        Li       Ev        Able)

 Holo      -cron

 Jedi       To      Open      It     ..  

Okay,   

..   

Up-     To-

 Again, with the   communication     center-!

  Dude, just wanted a   Holo-cron

   (Seriously        that was very tortured      logic,       Think the writers;     just wrote this scene        Then realize but wait       “why are they in the Holocron/             Comm           Cent,?”

     And that’s how        Anakin/Obi-Wan           Obsession with the com      center began...

    [sorry but there was no reason for them to be in the        Com center!

      That I’ve heard!]

   In

   Aight,      What?     What       -ever

   ...  ..

  Wrong-

    Yes

    Com-          Center-

    Ser-iously     even he doesn’t know what’s up

   You   heard      me

  And        my     stupid      plan

    To send you to the     Coms center to justify Obi-wan’s     obsession-

    Craw-          ling

     And we have no reason      to-o

   Why?

    Now!

   Yelling- doesn’t mistake the clear lack of   reason

   What-     ever-

    Right

    That’s one way      to do it

    Really

  Also, how does   -that not-

That was less than   one minute

Also,   but no one else will hear that but   these two      . .

 And they’ll   still progress to the   comm center        ...

“It came from the com center,!”

   How!?

You, guys,

  Comms,       Archives,

   Aight,       Nice

  Com-munication        center-

    Ha-           ha-          ha-    (I’m sorry   but that has come back around      to kinda funny,”

 [something Happens across the     galaxy]

Obi-won; It was the com’s center

—-

Aight,    right, 

...

O-kay

...

How??

 Where?

 Okay      ...

Cloak       Ing?

 What?

[you can’t defy the   rules of logic that much       (Physics)       You need to explain where he went   otherwise it’s a loony tune      Of    sus-    pen    sion-

Okay?

What??

I thought-       the thing-  

....

O-kay

right

Take it,

Which       ,One

 That-

 Right

What-      Ever-

  Aight-

He knews

 What-      Ever

  Don’t call   your eggs

   Move

  Restraint

  Whelp

 Use-less

    Just     There

     Whelp

     Nope-

      Okay-

       He           Try

      [Hey         guys,]

       Off               That’s           some         assumed          authority              over         familiarity..

        Aight..

      Okay,

      They’re really            letting             him             get            away             with              the             story

         Tries-

       What?!

       -When-

      Bomb-  

        Both-

[Also   Mace   Windu        is     still      the       only       semi-efficient      Jedi...

   Asshole !

    (Can’t          make the text bigger enough to display my           outrage!)

   [they      played that off         as humor!]

     That was a scream of death!

     Of         Murder!

   [if that was a sentient-       And my God     it seemed damn close!     Dude was just murdered

   The surprise-        “ I didn’t        see it coming, h        onestly not his fault kind!”

      One that would call for      immediate robotic vengeance!

    * im-mediate    ac-countability

      If sentient,

   What the Hell?!

     That-

     Horror        -        fy-            Ing-

      Oof

“Was        it     sentient?      Crud, I      might       lose        my       least       toxic    credentials

  (           )

   Whelp

    How?

     No        Way-

   A-ight

   Shit

  -shit

- she did     nothing  

   I-

  Call      Sec-

  Whose       that?

    Whelp

     Okay..

     That          Who

    Dys-   functional          family          road         trip             -           War

       No          shit

 Oh wait at           the comment table was by all the other Jedi

       So...

       the whole time Obi-wan was just complaining        he didn’t want to do the job

     Skywalker          agreeing with him...

      And...  wanting to ditch their post

 In chara,

   Just, a little bit funny      when you think about it

  Right,

 You bought            them      all the way         here?

      ...

Also look isn’t the unchild-like abomination adorable when she’s talking about punishing people more severely

Holo-cron

The heck     is a       holocron...

Wait-

 What-

   Why-

   How-

   ??

 Why is this     being allowed to      happen?   -

    ...

  Snitch

[like seriously how is it helping her   case, whatsoever?

Plea     Bar-gin

Aight,

Okay

That was just a completely random target   on his list...

- -

The one accountable adult

Keeper       Kydra      Crystal-

- Holocrons

   Data

     -

   You get out of here         youngling

     Force         Sensitive       Child ?

     Are we really going to get into the        powers        eugenics?             (Or         power        genetic       superiority)

       Also would it be a kin to basically every child or just any child destined for leader ship

   (Like gen       leader ship?)

    Cause..

Also, yeah   good idea keeping that around

And you named...

...

Young’lings

 Future

Oy!     You put that back where,   it came from so help me

Future  

vision

is cheating

In reality,   if you did have that power,    you should keep     your mouth        shut

And it completely negates   the point of a choice based universe

   (Takes all the       risk out of it)

    Making the story     completely useless

    (For the sake of tension       I’m going to ignore        that..)

    Going on the       assumption...

     That’s the Jedi           are just a bunch of          narcs

       Who           like        claiming they know the future

       When in reality only the future              knows the future...

           Worn.                 Them

              Oh so it’s just School    roll call...

    Contact

   You must

Ya no dude’s already a    headstart...

Ahsoka

 Dude,  he just override   the punishment   

  Does he   have the authority to do that?

   [I     don’t     think        so]

 Cad bane

   He      probably isn’t

   And you already know him From the previous episode

    Good for         Obi-won

      Aight

     Mace Windu         don’t give a fuck

      Kid Fisto              disappeared

      And. .       Luminara(?)

       Went to go get a snack....             ?

        I don’t             know

        Yoda

        Got          Overruled

       Aight,           Okay

  .....

     This episode...

         Makes me feel disgusting              Watching                The middle                 At least

           It’s very clearly                 boomer bait...

           The beginning...

          Focus-ing on the           importance of taking orders           (With no                       sarcasm                                   to my understanding,)

       Progressing,               Into, 

             Dah, de, dah,                          Generation                        ____                    doesn’t               understand                  books!

                  *We might  if they got out of our way, let us do our thing, dis-covered and pract-iced excess, on our volition

                   *if we wanted   to

Honestly   convinced.  I should’ve      given       them          a        strike       right       there 

Out     of  

Malicious

 Won’t   (Out of restraint)

But     a   thought   none-       the-  

 less

Being        a     (toxic)      Boomers     Fantasy        in   which    they,      the     all   powerful      all   knowing       adults     must       help       poor     Ig-      nor        -ant       (Child)-

(I’m sorry   this really       disgusts me)

  -with enough initiative            To praise their Brilliance

         (It’s re-ally   di-sgusting)

           This isn’t            seen as an overreach                   Or con-                Des-cion                      Of                       A                     Gen

And gives no   in-dication it recognizes how creepy what it’s doing is

Apart from the lighting in the council room

  *Which       I’m now convinced is permanently broken

    And continues with the assum-ption of a   life-time                       Over the future

     Breaking; the story pretty thoroughly

     And announcing the       return to      mediocrity...

     (Border       -ing on attempt at          lower        standards)

 (Also they playoff the death of a semi-sentient species      For            Humor?

       He          died        screaming!

[benditlikepress]

believe in love (even if set in fear)

hey its jess coming back at ya with another 6k+  ““““mini fic””””

do I spend all my free time writing about tony and ziva touching hands and having important conversations? perhaps. except this time it's also christmas

@coffeedepablo tagging you in everything i ever write from now on even when it’s a hot mess

merry christmas everyone!!

also available on ao3 i love kudos and comments <3

“.. And because I speak English sometimes they said I’m extra good.”

Tali had been proudly explaining to Tony and Ziva how impressed her teachers were with her parts in the winter concert ever since they picked her up after the dress rehearsal that morning. They were on their way back to school for the afternoon performance, and (according to her) she been given a lot to do considering she wasn’t a native speaker. Her nerves were evidently jangling between her bursts of conversation.

Tali’s winter concert was apparently a Very Big Deal, and there were songs to sing and a dance to learn and a xylophone to play and even a few lines of a speech that Tali had sworn Tony to secrecy over, refusing to let Ziva be spoiled for before the day itself.

Tali was in her final year of the French equivalent of kindergarten, and the nursery was attached to the school she would be attending from next September. The winter concert was a joint affair, with students from both areas of the school taking part. It wasn’t a Christmas celebration so much as it was a new years’ one, a way to mark the end of the year and celebrate the holidays before the children went home to their families.

While the concert itself wasn't Christmas-themed (it was Ziva's understanding that French schools didn't celebrate religious holidays), but it was difficult not to feel the spirit as Tali trotted down the pavement in front of them wrapped in a winter coat and ear muffs.

Ziva had obviously never celebrated Christmas on a personal level, but she had gotten used to the shared traditions after her years spent living in the US. She was looking forward to spending it with Tony and Tali this year, knowing how excited her daughter was for both her grandfather and Santa to visit.

Even more special was the fact that Christmas and Hanukkah were overlapping. Tony had been a little embarrassed when he'd explained he'd tried his best to teach Tali about Judaism and was worried he'd fumbled over himself a few times, but now she was back Ziva was more than happy to teach both him and Tali about the holiday celebrations she'd revelled in growing up. There would be countless Hanukkah’s to celebrate in the future - and Christmases, and Passovers, and birthdays, and every other holiday imaginable. Ziva didn't plan on missing a single one ever again.

“Who will watch?”

Ziva was still getting used to this habit of Tali’s - her quick changes in trail of thought, questions hitting like whiplash. Tony was always unfazed.

“Everyone’s parents will be there like we’re going to be.”

“A lot?”

Tony hummed before answering. “I think so, yeah.”

His honesty didn’t seem to reassure Tali, and while she was still a little giddy it was clear her nerves about performing in front of a big crowd were building further.  

“Try not to think about that, just think about Aba and I watching. What’s important is that you enjoy yourself. You know we will cheer you the whole time.”

“But it’s important! What if I mess up?”

"Last year she was only in 1 song and dance, this is a big deal." Tony confirmed his daughter's assertions, and though Ziva had always seen a similarity in nature between them when Tali was young she was struck by how much the two of them took after each other now after years in each other's pockets. “But you still don’t need to be nervous, I know you’re going to crush it.”

Ziva had already seen that she and Tony had different styles of parenting – she tried to be more rational to reassure, whereas he was more emotive, empathising with what was happening. Ziva wondered if that was solely his nature or if it came from the two of them being alone together for so long. He was good at being what people needed him to be. Ziva knew; he'd done the same for her enough times, even if she'd thrown it back in his face regrettably on a few occasions.

There was something intensely attractive about Tony like this – maybe it was biological, an innate response to seeing him be so affectionate and connected to Ziva’s child. To their child, this part of them that they held above anything else. They were both acutely aware of this new connection, both seeking out each other’s eyes almost as much as they did Tali’s when the three of them were together. Disbelieving, almost – wanting to check the other was still there, that this was really their new normal after years of to-and-fro and then years of nothing at all.

She increasingly found herself fighting the urge to kiss him, though that wasn’t exactly a new development. The fact that sometimes she did kiss him? Well, that was still new; a novel action that made her feel a tiny pinch of uncharacteristic nerves whenever she leaned in.

“They’re closing the gates!” Tali suddenly exclaimed, pointing to the end of the road where a teacher could be seen removing the bolt that kept the gate open from the ground. She had evidently seen them coming and wasn’t intending on closing it until they got inside, but that didn’t stop Tony challenging Tali to a race and the two of them breaking out into a run up the hill, Tali squealing loudly as Tony tried to grab her to pick her up.

Tali brought out the playful side of Tony - the loud, energetic side that Ziva had spent so long pretending she hated. As she watched the two of them laughing as they approached the playground, it hit Ziva again how normal this felt. She and Tony hadn’t seen each other in six years, and yet so quickly they’d fallen into this dynamic that was both so familiar and yet so new, the feeling both natural and exciting in equal measure.

Ziva ducked past the teacher on the gate with a smile as the woman looked amusedly at where Tony and Tali had just run to inside the building. It took Tony a while to catch his breath back, both age and a few years away from being a field agent having taken a natural toll on his fitness. Ziva watched him as he put his hands on his thighs briefly, her raised eyebrows meaning a verbal mocking wasn’t needed.

“Why don’t you try chasing her, see how you can keep up?”

“I probably would not be close to a heart attack.”

Tali proudly pointed out her place in the cloakroom to Ziva, and she helped her daughter remove her outer clothing and hang it up.

They dropped her off at the door to her classroom and she ran inside, clutching the bag containing her costume. Ziva watched through the window in the door as a teacher came up to Tali and spoke to her with a wide smile, taking the bag from her and encouraging her to sit with the others on the carpet.

Ziva started to walk back down the corridor but Tony flicked his head back at the classroom door a couple of times.

“Are you nervous?” Ziva asked with a little amusement in her voice, watching Tony twitch.

“What? No, don’t be ridiculous.” He dismissed her with a familiar cockiness, which soon faded. “OK, maybe a little. I think she inherited your public speaking genes. I hope she doesn’t barf.”

“She will be fine. She told me you practiced with her every morning on the way to school. You are your daughter's father, yes?"

"I don't.. think that's how that goes, but I get what you mean. This way."

Tony led Ziva a different route through the school towards the upper school reception. As they approached Ziva saw 30 or 40 parents already milling around, some with babies in pushchairs, and when she looked out through the main doors many more were making their way towards the school.

A woman called out Tony's name and he looked towards the front of the group where a small circle of adults had gathered. Ziva thought a few of them looked familiar as parents from Tali's class and the way they greeted Tony confirmed as much.

Ziva’s eyes settled on Tony, the way he milled around with the other parents like he belonged. He did, of course – this was a new Tony, one Ziva hadn’t got to know yet. One who never missed a school function and stayed in every night helping his daughter practice her parts. His French was near-perfect now, which shouldn't have been surprising but perhaps was because Ziva could remember his occasional clumsiness surrounding foreign affairs in the past.

“Are you going to introduce us?” A middle-aged man with glasses and a pin-stripe scarf suddenly acknowledged Ziva’s presence beside Tony. Tony turned to Ziva with a smile, stepping back a little to encourage the others to greet her.

“This is Tali’s mom, Ziva.”

“You’re Tali’s mother? It’s nice to meet you at last, Tony said you’ve been away working for a long time. I’m Charles, this is my wife Marie. We’re Amelie’s parents.”

“Yes, I have. The project I was working on was a particularly long and difficult one, but it has finally been put to bed. I am here to stay now.” Ziva parroted the practiced line with a polite smile as she shook hands proffered to her and let the names of the other parents wash over her. She’d get the hang of it eventually.

As the reception area continued to fill with parents, the conversation devolved into a discussion about the weather and in-jokes and references that flew over Ziva’s head. She remained quiet – this type of socialising had never exactly been her wheelhouse. Tony was less silent but still quiet, his hand occasionally reaching out to touch the small of Ziva’s back. Once or twice the movement made her look up at his face instinctively, and they shared a private smile as the conversation continued around them.

Ziva was thankful when the doors to the hall were eventually opened and they were able to make their way inside, filing in to take their seats on cold plastic chairs that were too close together. Ziva could see Tali sat to the right of the stage, dressed now in the star costume the rest of her class was also wearing, her gaze flickering through the crowd looking for her parents. Tony raised his hand in the air and Tali eventually caught sight of them, beaming and waving back.

A few minutes passed as parents continued to file in, and Ziva instinctively kept one eye on the entrances watching who was coming in. Old habits died hard, she supposed. The lights dimmed and she refocused back on the stage and on the man sat next to her who had been stealing glances in her direction since they sat down. A woman with a baby in her arms quietly made her way to sit on Ziva’s other side and she smiled politely at the woman’s apologetic expression at her almost-lateness, secretly praying the baby would stay asleep as the music began to play.  

After the first song, sung by all of the children, a man in his 60s stepped onto the stage. He introduced himself as the headteacher and began to talk about taking stock of the past year and looking forward to the future, with this being an opportunity to celebrate the children’s achievements in the last 12 months. He spoke with a strong accent and the speed at which he spoke was not particularly welcoming for non-native speakers. She was wondering how easy young children found him to understand when he abruptly finished talking and exited the stage again, sitting down in his seat at the front of the crowd.

“Tell me it isn’t just me that didn’t catch a word.”

Tony’s voice was low and his breath hot in her ear. Ziva smirked but put a hand on his thigh to implore him to pay attention as Tali’s class was being led onto stage.

Tali was stood on the front of two rows as the pianist began to play the next song and the teachers led them in a series of actions to go along with the song.

Ziva couldn't help but be reminded of her daughter’s namesake as she watched her beaming under the lights, tapping her feet and waving her hands when cued to. She was a little more bashful and clumsier on her feet than the older Tali had been, but the light emanating from her was unmistakable.

Seeing Tali be a part of something like this – how comfortable she was, how much she fitted in, how happy she was, offered Ziva the clarity she had needed for the past 3 years. Sending your child away to keep them safe was one of the most difficult decisions a person could ever have to make, but it all seemed worth it now she could see the smile on Tali’s face as she sung and danced with her friends.

Ziva lifted her hand from Tony’s leg to wipe away the tears she could feel welling in her eyes. The movement distracted Tony who turned towards her. She couldn’t imagine he could see she was crying in the light though the gesture surely gave her away and he took her hand from her face with his own. Ziva allowed him to intertwine their fingers and he placed their joined hands on his lap, grasping hers tightly.

There was a few more songs before children from different classes began to speak about winter. A class that looked younger than Tali all said things they liked about winter (“snow”, “chocolate”, “no school”), a much older class talked about their new year’s resolutions, and eventually Tali’s class was on stage again and one of them introduced that religious holidays are big around this time of year.

Ziva was slightly taken aback when Tali was the third child to stand up.

“Some people celebrate Hanukkah in winter. Hanukkah is the festival of lights and lasts 8 days. It’s a Jewish holiday and you eat special food and light candles.”

Tali's French was practiced, and the sound was still unexpected to Ziva's ears. She was still speaking fragmented English the last time Ziva had seen her before she sent her to DC. She spoke too quickly and held the microphone a little too close to her mouth, but the way she looked at Ziva proudly as she spoke eclipsed everything.

The boy next to Tali stood up and started talking about Diwali as Tony looked at Ziva expectantly. He ducked his head in close to her ear.

“Ever since you got back she’s been waiting for you to hear that. Making me practice every day. I think she was more concerned about impressing you more than about all the people watching.”

Ziva turned towards Tony, and as he backed his head away to allow her to talk into his ear she captured his face with her hand and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

“What was that for?”

“I do not know what to say.”

“I’m not complaining.”

“Did you tell her about Hanukkah food?”

“She’s a DiNozzo, she has priorities.”

The ownership sent another little jolt through Ziva’s system. She shuffled herself closer to Tony as Tali’s class continued to talk, and by the time the next song started her head was ghosting against the top of his arm.

Tali’s xylophone performance was next, and her part seemed to go without a hitch even if the same could not be said for the boy sat 2 people away from her who hit his notes seemingly whenever he was in the mood to. Her class was moved back to the side of the room then, and as the other classes took centre-stage Ziva couldn’t help but let her eyes wander to her daughter, watching her as she looked distractedly around the room and found ways to entertain herself.

The concert was longer than Ziva expected, though she wasn’t sure how much of that was reality and how much was down to the baby she was sat next to deciding to have an almighty crying fit that she could hear even as the mother apologetically took it outside and down the corridor. She sympathised with the young woman, knowing how difficult it could be when you’re in public alone and your baby is upset.

Tali herself had had a knack for waking up at the most inopportune moments, and Ziva had told Tony last week that it was her first inkling of something she had inherited from her father: an avid need for Ziva’s attention. Tony had laughed then, loud and incredulous, and had roped Tali into a playful defence rather than trying to deny it.

When the show was over, everyone split up again. The parents from Tali’s class had ended up stood in the area between the cloakroom and the classroom, the confined space making Ziva uncomfortable. Tali emerged fairly quickly, still dressed in her star costume and struggling to hold her uniform that she for some reason had decided not to put into her costume bag. Ziva held her arms out to her and she ran over, accepting the hug giddily. When Ziva pulled back Tali immediately turned to Tony to get the same greeting from him, her hands still clutching her clothes reaching around his back where he had lowered down a little to meet her.

“You were great, sweetheart! Wasn’t she?” Tony asked Ziva with a smile, ruffling their daughter’s hair.

“It was very special Tali, we’re proud of you.”

“Did you see me talk about Hanukkah?”

“I did! Is that what you were keeping a secret from me?”

“Uh-huh. Aba said you would like it.”

“I loved it. Thank you.”

Ziva bent down to give Tali a kiss and the girl smiled brightly, showing her teeth. Tony took the clothes and bag out of her hand with an affectionate shake of his head and Tali willingly dropped them as the three of them pushed their way through the droves in the corridor and towards the cloakroom.

Tali struggled for a moment to find her coat amongst the others, eventually locating it having dropped on the floor. She began to pull it onto her arms slowly but before she had finished a group of 3 girls, including Amelie whose parents Ziva had met earlier, ran up to her. Amelie whispered in Tali’s ear with her hands covering her mouth.

“Can I go to Amelie’s house?” Tali asked, looking up at Tony and Ziva in turn. Ziva’s first instinct was to say no, to take her home and sit on the couch cuddling her for the rest of the day, but she could see the excitement in her eyes as Amelie and the other girls chattered away behind her.

Perhaps Tony could sense Ziva’s reluctance, because he told Tali she could go for an hour or two but then they would be picking her up so they could go back home and have a pizza night to celebrate.

Tony and Ziva spoke briefly to Charles and Marie, who confirmed they were taking the 4 girls back home with them, and after saying their goodbyes they were soon back out in the biting cold on the street.

“Home?”

“Not much point if we’re coming back out. C’mon, kid-free, the world is our oyster. We could go for a.. what kind of food gets eaten at 4pm?" Tony asked, more to himself. A lot may have changed, but some things never do.

"We could go for a hot drink and you can get a cake. My treat."

"Well, someone's in the holiday spirit. I know a place nearby."

The two of them began to walk down the hill, and Ziva tucked her coat tighter around her. The sky was clear which only added to the chill, already getting dark at such an early hour.

"So, what was the verdict?"

"You do realise you were not involved in the performance?"

"Maybe not in a literal sense, but I played a role."

"It was beautiful, Tony. Really. I think that is the first time I've attended something like that. I was not sure what to expect."

"Haven't I ever forced you to watch Love Actually?"

“Not that I can recall. Still, I am sure that watching Tali’s in the future will give me all  of the insight I need.”

“Yeah, they can be a little full-on. I’m glad I had company.”

“Oh, you seemed to be getting on fine on your own. You know, I did not expect this from you." Ziva looked at Tony’s profile as she spoke with an amused smile. The tips of his ears were turning pink from the cold. He turned to her with a confused expression.

"What?"

"Are you on the PTA?"

Tony guffawed at Ziva, and for a split second looked self-conscious. "It doesn't hurt to be polite, you know."

"I am polite. You are a member of their clique."

"No, c'mon. I kinda got adopted on the first day. Tali cried a lot. The moms took pity on me; single dad who clearly had no idea what he was doing."

"Hm, I am sure they did."

"Ha, no, believe me. They just see me as the perfect opportunity to interfere.”

“You could just tell them you are fine without their input.”

“You’re here now, I’m sure you’ll keep them in line. No violence.”

Even now, it was easy to make jokes like that. In spite of everything that had changed between them, and all the water under the bridge, Tony could never resist an opportunity to make a comment about Ziva’s fighting ability. She’d long-since decided to take it as a compliment.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The coffee shop was only a five-minute walk from Tali's school. It was fairly quiet, and Ziva implored Tony to sit down on two armchairs by the window while she fulfilled her promise.

The woman behind the till turned around to get a plate for Tony's cake and as she did Ziva turned back towards the window to look at the man in question. He had already been looking her way and turned his head towards the window guiltily, an uncharacteristically bashful move that made her smile. They were still getting used to all of this, redefining the parameters of a relationship that had never stayed in one state for too long.

Ziva placed Tony's cake on the table and his face lit up. She looked outside as he began to eat; the clouds looked darker from in here, and there was a patch of condensation running along the bottom of the window-frame. A woman in a bobble hat ran past, pushing a child in a pram.

"It's nice to get some time alone."

Ziva turned back to Tony, who was looking at his cake rather than her. “Why is that?”

“Just..” Tony sucked on the fork contemplatively for a moment before smiling. “I don’t know, did you ever think we’d be here? Living in Paris, going to our daughter’s recitals.”

Ziva returned his smile. “I guess it is a little out of character for us.”

“I don’t think it’s out of character. It’s just-” Tony paused briefly while the waitress placed their drinks on the table in front of them. He offered her a quick smile and didn’t seem to notice her blush. “It’s just different now. Maybe we’re just different now.”

“Did you ever imagine this for yourself? A family?”

Ziva’s tone was conversational, and perhaps it didn’t have as much weight behind it as it used to when they would try to discuss it back in the day, because Tony barely hesitated before he started talking.

“I don’t know. For a long time, I wasn’t sure what I wanted. Then I started to think I’d left it too late. Funny how things work out.”

Ziva felt like kissing him then, but the table in-between them prevented any action and so she looked at him instead – openly, transparently. It took only a second or two before Tony smiled at her gaze.

“When I had to send Tali to live with you,” the smile dropped slowly from his face as the tone of the conversation changed, “I did not worry about you for even a second. For as much as I worried about every other aspect of it, I knew you would do everything to take care of her and keep her safe. It is in your nature. And now I have got to see the way the two of you are with each other. Like you are made for each other.”

A moment’s silence passed between them. They had spent so much of the early days of their relationship avoiding conversations like this one, and even now the vulnerability felt a little like a novelty.

There was no need for a charade anymore. And even if it was sometimes a battle to push through the instinct for resistance, they were both doing well to remember that.

Neither of them looked away.

“Something on your mind today?”

“Not especially.”

“You sure?”

“I suppose I am just thinking about the holidays. I’m happy to be back here for them. Happy to be back here in general.”

“Well, we’re happy to have you back. Me and Tali.”

“She is lucky to have a father like you.”

“I know neither of exactly had a wholesome blockbuster- style relationship with our fathers growing up. I don’t want that for my kid.”

“She is lucky.” Ziva confirmed, holding Tony’s eyeline for a long moment, the things Ziva wasn’t saying passing between them. She broke it by taking a sip from her drink, and Tony returned to eat more of his cake.

“Is there anyone you want to visit for the holidays?”

“Do not think so, I would rather spend time settling in. I will call Schmiel, maybe I will visit him in the new year. I would feel guilty asking him to travel here at his age.”

“You gonna call Boss?”

“He is not your boss, Tony. But yes, I will. You should too.”

“Y’know, there’s these fancy new things now called speaker-phone. Maybe we can call McGee and ask him to teach us.” Ziva rolled her eyes quickly at Tony but the affection died slowly from his face, being replaced with a thoughtful sincerity. He used his fork to cut a piece of cake and played with it absently for a moment. "Did you mean what you said earlier?"

"What did I say earlier?"

"At school. You told Charles you're here for good."

The question surprised Ziva a little. "Yes, I meant it."

"OK."

"I can understand why you are apprehensive."

Tony exhaled in what might have been a laugh. "I kinda feel like an asshole."

"You shouldn't. It is only natural."

"It's not just about the Sahar thing. It's.. everything. I need to know that you aren't going to run away again."

"I could not leave again, Tony." She could say more than that, try to stress just how much she meant it, but trying to add more would dilute the feeling. It was as simple as that. Walking away was categorically impossible at this point.

"Because of Tali?"

"Not just because of Tali."

"OK. Good. I don't think I have another round-the-world treasure hunt in me."

Ziva smiled at the humour masking the very real admission. Tony's hand had abandoned the fork and was resting on the table and she ran her fingers over his knuckles affectionately. "There is still so much I need to say to you. I have not even scratched the surface.” She looked up from his hands to his eyes, and he seemed to be waiting for her to continue. “I know that when I first got back we spoke a lot about why I hadn't told you about Tali, and what's been going on since I sent her to be with you. And I know we also spoke about-"

"How we feel about each other?” Tony filled in, looking up from where his head was slightly bowed. Ziva gave a relenting but brief smile.

"Yes, we did. And I think we are finally on the same page with that. But I really want you to understand this." Ziva took his hand between hers. "I realise I have done things in the past because I was scared. Because I did not think I deserved to be happy, that I deserved the care you showed for me. And I cannot sit here and say I am never going to think that ever again. But I am not going anywhere. There is nowhere else I would ever want to be except here with you, and with Tali. Do not think for a second that you are a secondary side-effect and I might change my mind again one day. I am done running away."

Tony held her gaze for a long moment. She stroked the back of his fingers and he looked down at them, smiling a little. “I trust you.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. I believe you. But in the interests of honesty..” Tony squeezed at her hand as though to get her attention, as if he didn’t have it ever since they sat down, “From now on, you’ve got to tell me if you ever feel that way. If you get scared, or freaked out, whatever. Please tell me so we can talk about it.”

“I will.” She meant it, truly. She knew it would be much harder in practice (and Tony was no fool), but she was more serious about this than she had ever been before. If the past couple of years had taught her anything, it was that this was where she belonged.

“Kay. Good talk.” Tony withdrew his hand from Ziva’s with a smile that made his eyes glisten, picking up his cup and taking a long sip. Ziva had always found that particular smile difficult to resist, and she was sure Tony knew the effect it had on her.

As much as he found herself looking at the lines by his eyes and the flecks at his temples, she realised he hadn’t actually really changed at all.

"Maybe when Senior gets here next week you and me can finally go on that date I’ve been meaning to ask you on for about 15 years." He spoke looking down at his drink, trying to seem more casual than evidently he was feeling inside.

"Is that your way of asking?"

"Kinda out of practice. I can promise to show you a good time, though. We can go for dinner and a movie and make small talk about each other’s families and jobs.”

"I feel sorry for any poor girl who went on a first date with you to see a film."

"Dinner. I'll pay. Who could say no to that?”

"You do not really expect me to say no?"

"You haven't exactly said yes."

“Yes, Tony. I will go on a date with you.”

“Ok, good. I’ll text you in the next few days to arrange something, and I’ll swing by and pick you up.”

Ziva looked up at Tony’s serious tone with an amused frown on her face, and he smiled a challenge at her. She bit back a chuckle.

“I will look forward to it. Although you may have to wait in the car – the man I live with has a little bit of a jealous streak.”

“Oh, I’m sure that isn’t true.”

“You would be surprised.”

They stayed in the coffee shop for another hour, easy conversation and stolen glances accompanied by periods of comfortable silence and people-watching. It was easy and peaceful; perhaps the first quiet afternoon they had had alone together since being reunited. The longer they stayed, though, the more Ziva checked her watch.

“Y’know, Tali’s been there before. She’s fine.”

“I know she is.”

“Just don’t want to let her go, huh?”

Ziva smiled. “Is it that obvious?”

“Well, you kinda ignored my question.”

“Sorry,” Ziva shook her head, trying to shake herself out of the frame of mind. “It is not personal. I have only just got her back.”

“It’s ok to be nervous.” Tony shrugged as though it was nothing, but the words meant more to Ziva than he could likely comprehend right now. Before she could speak he picked up his second cup of coffee and tipped the cup upwards, finishing it in one gulp. “Come on, let’s go get her.”

“Really?”

“I’m getting hungry, and we promised a pizza.”

Tony got up from his seat and shrugged his coat on. Ziva rolled her eyes as she went into her purse to retrieve a tip.

“I bought you a slice of cake barely an hour ago.”

“Nobody said I didn’t appreciate that.”

Tony held out his hand to help Ziva stand up, and when she put it in his he raised it to his mouth and kissed her knuckles with a charming grin.

It was still getting colder outside and Ziva didn’t leave the doorway until her coat was fully buttoned up while Tony stood on the pavement exclaiming about the wind.

Ziva went to do up her scarf but the wind had got the material caught in her hair. Before she could get frustrated Tony lifted her hair carefully, tucking it behind her ears. He grabbed the scarf by either end and used it to pull her into him, Ziva's eyes closing instinctively as their lips met. The kiss was surprisingly tentative and reassuring, and when Tony pulled back it took all of Ziva’s willpower not to immediately chase his lips down to reconnect with her own.

"I missed you." He said quietly, his face still hovering over hers.

“I missed you too.”

They’d repeated it to each other countless times since being reunited but the words still felt meaningful on her tongue, her heart jumping ever so slightly. Tony unexpectedly pulled her into a hug, his head tucking over hers. Ziva put her arms underneath his jacket and his body was warm, the feeling safe and familiar. He quickly pulled away.

“How are your hands so cold already?”

“No gloves.”

They started walking down the street, arms and sides brushing against each other.

"I could get you some. I still have to get your present."

"You do not have to, I'm Jewish."

"It's nice to have something to open. Have you got mine?"

"You seem confident you are getting one."

"I don't know, I think I've got everything I want already."

Tony grabbed Ziva’s hand and stopped her, and she turned towards him as he moved in sharply for another kiss, his tongue slowly making its way into her mouth as his hands raised to hold her face. Ziva’s expression when he pulled back made him smile as he turned back to continue walking down the street.  

"Good save."

“Thanks. I’m an expert at removing my foot from my mouth.”

“That must be a new skill you have learnt, because it’s the first I have heard of it.”

“You don’t have to make fun of me like a smitten kid on the playground anymore, we’re already dating.”

“You think that’s what I have been doing?”

Tony pulled a faux-disbelieving face. “Isn’t it?”

“If that is what helps you sleep at night.”

“I sleep just fine. You would know.”

“It is not too late for me to turn you down.”

[prolifeproliberty]

Ivar Lovaas, the creator of ABA therapy has been quoted saying "Believe me they are monsters." In reference to autistic people, and "We know the shocks are painful; we have tried" (Doing electric shocks on autistic KIDS) and "You have a person in the physical sense — they have hair, a nose and a mouth — but they are not people in the psychological sense. One way to look at the job of helping autistic kids is to see it as a matter of constructing a person" (Dehumanization of autistic kids)

Freud also said a lot of terrible things, and the standard treatment for most mental health issues used to be lobotomy.

That doesn’t mean therapy is invalid. If you actually look at the code of ethics for behavior analysts, you’re going to see a very different picture than what the person who created ABA envisioned.

You also sent me a link and then I think blocked me? So I’m going to respond to that here.

As I’ve said before, my mom is a BCBA and worked as an ABA therapist. The only time she would grab a child’s hands is if they were hurting themselves or others. If a child’s stims don’t hurt anyone and are appropriate for the child to do in public, she leaves them alone. For instance, she has a lot of clients whose stim involves them putting their hands down their pants. If an adult does that in public, there can be a huge misunderstanding and they could get in a lot of trouble, especially depending on the context.

My mom works with kids to help them stim in a way that is safe and appropriate, but still allows them to stim. She doesn’t grab or restrain kids (again, unless they are hurting themselves or others).

She works with kids whose response to stress is to run as fast as they can and as far as they can. She’s had clients who will literally just take off in the middle of recess and run out into the neighborhood and hide, which has led to more than one incident with police searching the neighborhood for the kid.

She works with kids who lack communication skills to help them express not just their feelings, but what is making them feel that way so that their parents/others around them can help. There’s a big difference between someone crying and screaming while others try to figure out what’s wrong and that person being able to express, either through words or a communication app or board, what is making them so uncomfortable.

My mom has also commented that her job has changed in recent years. As social norms have changed and society has become more accepting of stims and other behaviors common to autistic people, she finds that she can leave those behaviors alone and focus on other skills that the client needs to work on.

My point is that ABA adapts to the individual person, and it also changes with societal norms. As the autistic community works to change society’s perception of autistic people, ABA will change right along with it.

Are there bad ABA therapists out there? Yes. Are there well-intentioned ABA therapists out there who nevertheless make bad decisions when working with their clients? Also yes.

Does that mean ABA as a field is invalid? No.

My brother is autistic. He advocates for equitable treatment for autistic people, but he recognizes that ABA therapy helped him. It gave him the skills to be able to communicate, so now he can speak up and be an advocate.

[kiraalexander]

a dispute me and a friend can't seem to agree on, but i wanted to know your opinion: should have kim never bothered with jimmy, or should she had to put her foot down and made a better effort at communicating?

Hoo boy anon, this question has been weighing on me with the last episode (5x3) and the insider podcast to 5x2, which I just listened to the morning after I watched 5x3.

But I want to rephrase your question a little bit and ask: would Kim’s life have been better without Jimmy in it? and my answer is no.

Spoilers for season 5 up to 5x3 and the insider podcast 5x2 below.

The Kim we’ve gotten to know during the course of BCS is a very closed-off, tightly-wound person, who moves through the world with a deep sense of wariness, or caution, or suspicion, and we’ve only gotten tiny clues to why she’s so closed off as the series has progressed. 

She has no close friends other than Jimmy - she’s even distant with Ernie when he calls her, and you never see her socializing with her fellow associates. When she makes her cold calls during 2x5, she’s constantly reminding her targets who she is and where she’s met them, usually at an ABA mixer or other professional networking event.

Her professional relationships are few and far between, and have become extremely transactional as the show progresses. Howard is, of course, an absolute nightmare who uses petty office politics to oust Kim to the cornfield whenever she inconveniences him. But even Rich and Kevin are only friendly to Kim when she’s of use to them - either building Kevin’s dream of an expanded Mesa Verde, or “keeping the lights on” by focusing on paying clients. This is, by the way, after Kim has explicitly offered to build Schweikart’s banking practice in exchange for the kind of resources needed to allow her a pro bono practice. 

Finally there’s Paige, where there was a chance at real friendship. Kim even admitted to Paige her hesitations about taking down Chuck, something she couldn’t do with Jimmy. But Paige turned cool when Kim didn’t demonstrate that she’d be at Mesa Verde’s beck and call, showing Kim that while they can be friendly, they can’t be friends. (This is not, by the way, Paige’s fault - Kim fucked up by her evasiveness to Paige when Paige had the legitimate expectation that Kim had no other professional obligations. Despite this, Kim’s instinct is to shut the relationship down once Paige’s amicability proved to be transactional.)

Then there’s family. The creators have pointed out on the podcast that Kim has no personal or family photos in her apartment. Further, Kim has mentioned only four family members (or in one case a group of family members) over the course of the show: 1) her grandmother who died tragically; 2) her scumbag cousins who stole her grandmother’s prescriptions and savings; 3) her father who loves Ice Station Zebra; and 4) her mother, who dragged her from place to place to stay ahead of landlords. Kim only feels positive feelings of sorrow for her grandmother’s death, and love for the movies her father loved, indicating that movies are likely the only way she and her father related to each other - especially since he apparently wasn’t around when she was “little” to assist her mother in her multiple moves. (#relatable)

Given all of these relationships, I’d say that Kim has very good reason to move through the world suspicious of what other people want her for. 

Kim has, essentially, no one, except for Jimmy, the only person who loves her without a separate agenda. And I say separate agenda because Jimmy does have an agenda. He wants Kim to respect him, admire him, and become his partner in both their professional and personal lives, but he doesn’t try to coerce or force her in either of those spheres. Sure, he tries to tempt her with real estate (and oh man would I have loved to see them get down in one of those dentist chairs before they moved them out), and tries to impress her with his legal and business acumen. But when she tells him that she wants to do something else, he never puts the screws to her like… Paige, and Rich, and Kevin, and especially Howard have all done.

And then we need to consider what Kim’s life would be like without Jimmy. When we first see her, she’s in debt to HHM and Howard’s holding it over her head by treating her worse than we’ve seen him treat any other employee. She has a two-year-plan of becoming partner, an empty apartment… and that’s it. Kim is all work and no play, and over the course of the show, Jimmy has showed her that she can play. Her revelation about her childhood meant that Kim has had precious little ability to play, and I find it likely that she’s only just learned what play means through Jimmy’s influence. It’s more than a personal, physical or romantic relationship; Kim’s sole source of non-work related joy is Jimmy, whether that’s healthy or not. To say that Kim should never have bothered with Jimmy is to say that Kim might never have learned to play and experience joy, and that’s utterly tragic! He’s given her a facet of life that she never otherwise would have seen, and I posit that, to progress this far, she needed that facet, that outlet and that experience.

That said, we know that Jimmy is toxic to Kim, and that he is only going to get worse for her as the series progresses. As we’ve seen, Jimmy is compartmentalizing his feelings from his actions following Chuck’s death. While Kim tried to help him break down his barriers, he’s resisted to the point of becoming Saul. Should Kim have insisted that Jimmy see a therapist and talk to her? Sure, I think so. But what we know of her character means that her wariness and her suspicion of the world at large - informed by her childhood as well as adult trauma - are preventing her from taking that huge step that would lead to friction between herself and her only intimate, non-transactional relationship. Part of her is, I think, frightened of fully opening up to Jimmy, and the heartbreak that would potentially ensue if he doesn’t recover from his moral calcification. But maybe her fear is also of the intimacy that would occur if Jimmy followed her advice. Their shared trauma could be overwhelming to both of them, if they’re not fully prepared to shoulder it, and right now, neither of them is prepared.

As it is, Jimmy has not only shut himself down, but he’s corroding Kim’s sense of morality, as we’ve seen with Mesa Verde and with Huell and with Bobby and Lois. He’s teaching her to put her toes over the line and enjoy it, because it’s the only form of play she’s ever experienced.

Kim’s personal sense of morality has, so far, prevented her from going fully over the line, and I’m very worried about what’s in store for her in the upcoming episodes. I’ll even go so far as to predict that the “Wexler v. McGill” in ep. 6 is a scam they both cook up, and whether it ends up badly for her… who can say. 

So, anon, I guess my answer is to you: I don’t think Kim should never have bothered with Jimmy, because he’s essential to her as a person, an embodiment of the joy and pleasure life can bring, and her own emotional growth from her traumatic childhood. And while I think it would have been a good idea for Kim to have made more of an effort at communicating with him, she’s not emotionally prepared to do so in her current state. And where that takes us through Season 5 and beyond… I only wish her the best, as the best character on my teevee and in my heart.

[badass-women-league]

TIVALI

14- the kingdom and the cast

Ziva was panicked. She pushed the stroller out from the hospital elevator and rushed to the front desk. She was holding Adam in her arms, she obviously didn't took time to set him in his stroller when she got out from the car. When he saw her, Tony rushed to her. He had to reassure her. He welcomed her with a "don't worry she's fine"

Ziva was relieved when she saw Tony, she asked nervously:

-"what happened ?"

Tony grabbed Adam from her arms and said:

-"don't worry, it's just scratch, she did not even cried"

As they were talking Tony led her to the examination room where Tali was waiting. When they entered the room Tali was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed with a big cast on her forearm and a band aid on her forehead. She waved and smiled at Ziva as if everything was normal. Ziva turned to Tony. She was furious. She said:

-"just a scratch ????"

Tony put on his charming grin and answered:

-"well maybe more than that"

-"it's not funny Tony"

Ziva dropped her bag on the floor and sat next to Tali. She pulled her to hug her. As always when she was upset or extremely worried she spoke in hebrew to Tali. Tony complained:

-"not cool, you know hebrew is off-limit.. there are people here that doesn't speak hebrew... I am speaking about my buddy Adam here, of course.... I totally got what you said..."

Tali laughed at her father's lie and Ziva frowned at Tony. Tony walked to them and said:

-"come on Ziva, she's fine. We went to the park on our way back from school. She fell from the playground. She has been a brave girl and did not even shed a tear.. I actually did... and now she has a beautiful cast that we'll have to decorate once we get home"

Ziva was still hugging Tali. She had been so worried since she got the call telling her that she was at the hospital.

They were now waiting to be released. Tali was feeling some pain in her arm. Tony was keeping her mind busy. He had first improvised a balloon made of a surgical gloves. Tony then asked Tali to teach him some word in hebrew. He was pointing at various objects in the room and Tali was giving him the right translation in front of the amused look of Ziva who was feeding Adam on the other side of the room. Tony was repeating the words his daughter was teaching him and Tali was making fun of him everytime he mispronounced a word. The doctor finally released them and Tony offered to go buy some ice cream to everyone to recover from all the stress of the afternoon.

Later that day. Ziva was lying in her bed with Adam on her lap. When Tony appeared on the doorframe she raised an eye to him and focused back on Adam without granted Tony with a smile. Tony was concerned. He walked to the bed, sat next to Ziva and asked:

-"you still mad at me for what happened to Tali?"

-"I'm not mad at you Tony, I'm mad at myself.. I wasn't there, I should have been there"

-"stop blaming yourself, you need to take time for yourself. Tali is gonna hurt herself in so many different ways. We won't be there every time"

-"it's not really helping..."

-"come on, she's a happy and joyful kid. You've hurt yourself when you were a kid and you're fine right ? We should rejoice because Tali is not gonna experience half of the pain you've been through as a child. Have you seen how proud she was when she showed her cast to McGee ?"

Ziva smiled. Her daughter was already showing signs of her mother's bravery. Tony continued:

-"she did not even cried, she even complained when I told her we had to go to the hospital"

Ziva laughed and said:

-"you were the only one panicking ?"

-"I was freaking out you mean, I pictured you strangling me"

-"I thought about it"

-"I know you did. Come on stop punishing yourself for everything that happens to them. Sometimes life sucks... c'est la vie"

She smiled at his french pronunciation and said:

-"that's life"

Ziva was coming back from her gym club. She was exhausted, they only thing she wanted to do right now was to take a good and well-deserved shower. She opened the door and her eyes widened. She crossed her arms on her chest and said:

-"what is going on here ?"

Tony turned to face her, with a cardboard box on his head and a broom on his hand:

-"Ziva! My love! Is it 8 already ?"

-"what happened to the living room ?"

The living room was actually a mess, pillows on the floor, bed sheets and covers hanged through the living room. Tony climb over the pillows and stumbled:

-"this is not our living room, this is a princess castle..."

Ziva raised an eyebrow and waited for more explanation. Tony pointed at Tali and explained:

-"this is the beautiful princess who got captured by the mighty dragon who broke her arm in the process" he pointed at Adam, on his baby seat, who was chewing one of his toy.

Ziva looked at Tony with incredulous eyes:

-"so if Tali is the princess and Adam's the villain then that makes you ..."

-"the brave and loyal knight..."

-"of course... and this is ?" She pointed at Tony's cardboard box

-"my knight helmet"

-"very convincing..."

She came closer to Tony, lifted the cardboard box to land a kiss on his lips, then she lowered the "helmet" on Tony's head.

-"I am gonna take a shower... try not to destroy the living room.."

She walked to the bathroom and Tony shouted:

-"it's a castle !"

When Ziva walked out from the bathroom she could hear laughs coming from the living-room. She rolled her eyes and thought: "those two... when they start there is no way to stop them"

She entered the room and leaned by the door. Tony was tickling Tali's side. She couldn't stop laughing. Ziva smiled. Having her house filled with children's laughs was everything she could have wished for.

Tali saw her mother and screamed between two laughs:

-"Ima please ! Help me !"

-"what happened to the brave knight who was saving the princess ?"

Tony kept tickling Tali and answered:

-"looks like the mighty dragon cast a spell on him"

Tali was still begging for her mother's help. Ziva walked to Tony and joined the battle to free her daughter until they both stumbled on a pillow and crashed on them, Ziva on top of Tony. They were both panting from the tickles fight. Ziva smiled and whispered:

-"How can we break the spell ?"

-"I have a pretty good idea..."

Ziva smiled. They both had the same idea. Ziva leaned forward and kissed him.

-"feeling better ?"

-"definitely better"

-"can we now get rid of the castle and have diner ?"

Tali argued:

-"no aba promised that we would keep it until friday movie night"

Ziva looked at Tony with disapproving eyes:

-"really ? Aba said that ?"

Tony charmingly smiled. Ziva admitted her defeat and said:

-"alright then.. until friday movie night.. but after that the castle becomes a living room again.. understood ?"

She was actually looking at Tony and not Tali when she asked the question. Tony and Tali nodded. Ziva laughed and helped Tony get back on his feet. Tony turned to walk to the kitchen. Ziva hit Tony's buttock as he walked past her to show him that he was driving her insane sometimes. A little laugh escaped from him. On his way to the kitchen Tony grabbed Adam from his seat and said:

-"come on mighty dragon, your reign is over, time to eat"

Tali was getting impatient, she was lying under her castle made out of bed sheets. Behind her was Ziva, she was sitting on the couch with Adam next to her. She was playing with him and his favorite cuddly toy when suddenly the lights went off. Tony walked out from the kitchen with a bowl of popcorn and started:

-"ladies and baby gentleman... it is my pleasure to welcome you to the DiNozzo friday movie night"

Ziva rolled her eyes and asked:

-"are you really gonna do this every time?"

-"yes! It's my personal pleasure, stop ruining it"

Ziva smiled and rolled her eyes again. Tali was done waiting:

-"Come on Aba ! I want the movie !"

-"Alright Alright ! I see that there is no way to make thing solemn with two impatient spoilsports like you"

-"come and sit here aba !"

Tony sat next to Tali on the pillows under the bed sheets and pressed play.

During the movie Ziva grumbled:

-"oh my god ! This makes no sense !"

Both Tony and Tali shouted: "shhhhh"

Ziva whispered:

-"what ? It makes no sense to do that"

Tali complained:

-"it's a movie Ima !"

Tony looked at Ziva with pride and just moved his lips to articulate with no sound "she's my daughter". In response Ziva stuck her tongue out at Tony and winced. She was looking so much like him sometimes but she had also taken a lot from her mother's behavior. She was impatient, smart and strong but she was also a funny and crafty joker. No need to say that Tali and Tony were driving Ziva crazy most of the time. She had to make sure that Adam was not becoming the image of his father too. The movie came to an end. Tali and Adam had fallen asleep. Tony grabbed Tali and took her to her bedroom, Ziva did the same with Adam. Tony joined Ziva in the living room. She was leant by the door frame. They both looked at the castle standing in the middle of their living room. Tony said:

-"it's gonna take us a lot of time to get rid of this"

Ziva looked astonishing and said:

-"us ?"

-"yeah you gonna help me right ?"

Ziva smiled and it then turned into a laugh. She turned around and walked to the bedroom. Tony begged:

-"come on Ziva ! for better or worse you remember ?"

But Ziva was gone, leaving him to deal with his castle.

[moiraxknight]

@knightsarmor

Moira knocked on the glass doors and her father perked up his head, face smudged with dirty while he transplanted a small pot of peppermint into a bigger one. Ilam smiled widely at his younger kid, tilting his head to invited into the greenhouse while he couldn’t quite use his hands.

“Come on in, darling, come on.” He moved quickly to put the peppermint into the new vase and place it with the most care in the world, almost as if he was putting one of his children to bed. Her mom used to say the plants were Ilam’s other children, those she refused to give him herself because her body had had enough with pushing two giant babies out. 

“Aba.” She went to kiss him on the cheek in a soft motion, pulling her mask down just for a second and making a face when she could taste the dirty that caused her father to laugh. Sometimes it was still odd seeing her father not wearing a tailored Armani suit and coming out of the courthouse. Ilam Lieberman had retired from his career as a lawyer five years ago only, leaving his firm to his son and opening his dream business, a plant nursery. He’d talked about it since Moira was a child and losing his wife had been push enough, even if it still took him a while after her death to go with it. 

“To what do I owe the pleasure?” He teased, putting some more fresh dirty into the vase while Moira sat on the high stool he kept by the corner. Before the pandemic, she visited him often. If not to just spend time with him, but also to pick up fresh flowers for the shop’s decoration and her own home. Now, those visits had been cut drastically and Moira didn’t simply drop by without letting him know anymore. So Ilam knew better than to think it was just a simple “I was in the neighborhood” scenario. 

“Just a lot in my head.” She shrugged. Her dad was her dad, not her therapist, and there was only so much she was willing to tell at the moment. Mostly because she couldn’t quite think straight, not after everything that had happened. Not after New Year’s eve. 

“Like what?” He insisted, patting the dirt inside the pot and then watering it gently, the peppermint looking fresh and happy in her new home. 

“Do you feel guilty? About being happy without mom?” Moira spilled and he stopped, looking at her and then turning to face her, hands covered in dirty, his clothes also and his hair unruly. It was a cute image, she’d admit it. “I mean, didn’t you ever want to maybe start dating again, meeting someone else?” She added, realizing her question must have been invasive and abrupt in ways her father didn’t deserve, not when he didn’t even know what was going through her head. 

Ilam smiled calmly at her and raised a hand, asking her to wait. He went over to a small sink he had by the end of the green house, washed his hands, his face. And threw on an old denim shirt on top of his dirty t-shirt before he came back holding another stool and sat in front of his daughter. That had been a thing they shared that Ilam hated that they did: losing a spouse, a partner. In his case, he had had time to prepare. His wife had been sick for a while, everyone knew what to expect, in a way. Moira got one phone call that changed her entire trajectory as an adult and as a woman. 

“Sweetheart, I dated after she died.” Ilam told her and Moira felt her eyebrows shooting up, utterly confused. “I mean, I went on dates. I tried. I felt attracted to other women, I was pushed into dates by the guys at the office.” He began explaining and she stared at him, shocked. “But listen, your mother and I, we were together for thirty years before she passed away. We got married young and we were some of the few lucky people to have a partially arranged marriage that fell in love as madly as we did.” He smiled and Moira couldn’t help but to do the same. She loved their story, the story of their wedding, their love. 

“So why didn’t you find someone?” She insisted and he reached for her hand, holding it gently in his lap.

“Because when I came to think of it, I was already happy. And I already had someone.” He shrugged. “Your mother never left me. I’d have died if she did, you know that.” Ilam insisted and his daughter grinned. “But this was our case. It doesn’t have to be yours.” He squeezed her hand and Moira looked down at it, their hands together. “Yeva gave me everything I needed to be happy for the rest of my life. She gave me a love I wouldn’t find anywhere else. She gave me the most beautiful children in the world. These plants, not you and your brother. You two are a nightmare.” He provoked.

“Dad!” She laughed at him, shaking their connected hands. 

“She gave me my two most beautiful presents, sweetheart. So I am happy. With her and without her. And for now I haven’t felt the need to share this happiness with anyone else.” He was quick to continue, noticing the way Moira’s eyes filled with tears. “What is going on, Moira?” Ilam reached for her chin, having her look at him, those huge blue eyes filled with water and that woman looking just like she did when she was five and lost one of her favorite crayons.

“What if Lucas was my only shot at happiness and love?” She whispered and he knew she was holding back a sob when she took a deep breath. “What if one time, that was it, and God has given me enough?” Moira’s tears ran down her cheeks and Ilam moved forward to hold her in his arms. If they had to get this stupid virus from a hug, so be it. He’d never deny a warm embrace to his children, especially when they were hurting. Yeva would come back to haunt him if he did. 

“You deserve all the happiness and love in the world.” He whispered into her thick dark curls while Moira tightened her grip around his body and cried freely now. He could feel her shaking. “Should you want to share this with someone else, Moira, then you will. And God will give you that chance because he knows you’re one of his good kids. Just like I know.” He continued, caressing her back while she let it out. 

“Wha-What if he takes it all back again?” She sobbed, holding tight onto her father’s shirt and breaking his heart with her pain. “What if I’m being punished?” She cried and Ilam pulled back only to tilt her head back, blue eyes meeting hers.

“Listen to me.” He murmured. “That is not the God we believe in and you know it. That is not the God we love.” He insisted and Moira nodded, tears still striking down her beautiful, pale skin and he dried them with his thumb. “Elohim, Adonai.” Ilam whispered, tapping her forehead and then the tip of her nose.

“Justice and mercy.” Moira whispered back and he nodded.

“Lucas was a part of your story and who you are. As was your son.” Ilam spoke softly, watching her swallow hard and her lips tremble at the mention of the child. “Your mission hasn’t ended in other people’s lives. Your story hasn’t ended.” He added, eyes boring into hers, knowing there was nothing else he needed to say. Moira stared back, slowly her grip easing on his shirt and turning into a comforting hug as she took deep breaths. “Should I ask?” Ilam had a small smile at the corner of his lips as he brushed her hair away from her eyes.

“No.” Moira whispered, and though her cheeks were flushed, her father respected that. 

“Neshama, not everyone finds their Yeva on the first trial.” He whispered back to her, those blue eyes filling up again but this time she felt calmer in his arms. “How many girlfriend has your brother had before he found Leila?” He insisted and she chuckled.

“About a dozen.” She answered and he nodded.

“You found love once and that is beautiful, sweetheart.” Ilam kissed her forehead and Moira squeezed her arms around him. “You finding love a second, third, millionth time is just all the more blessing.” He whispered against her skin and Moira nodded, slowly pulling back and wiping the wet tears off of her cheeks once the embrace was parted. “Can I meet him?” Ilam poked.

“No.” Moira arched an eyebrow at him. 

“Her?” He grinned and she rolled her eyes, smiling.

“Dad, stop.” Moira stood up, shaking her head at her father. 

“It is another catholic?” He looked at her teasingly.

“Oh my God, dad, stop.” She laughed, pushing him playfully and heading for the exit. 

“You get your tears out and you leave?” He crossed his arms over his chest.

“I’m going to get some food in the house.” She rolled her eyes, pointing to the two stories house a few feet away from the green house. 

“Okay, good.” Ilam smiled, satisfied, and watched her head out the glass doors.

“He’s not catholic.” She yelled from outside and Ilam laughed out loud, looking up and pointing at the sky. 

“Don’t screw this up for her.” He whispered to his God before his attention was back on the peppermint. 

[humansoulsarg]

Blast from the Past Garfield Comics Solve

On March 28, 2017 - Pangent dropped several modified Garfield comics on the tumblr. Frantic work happened by the team in the discord. You can go find it if you want to relive the chaos. For some reason, it appears this solve was never posted to the humansoulsarg.tumblr.com blog. Today, we aim to remedy that situation. Enjoy! Pangent comics: FEED ME: https://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158944128617

Original:

Use a Vigenere cipher to decode the comic. Ciphertext is shown in the Pangent version, the Key is the Original text Panel 1: MR TQIAE MVP WWG ZKBKTQIRO ELE A TRXNOBTIQMA HIZ LBSC LB VP GZO MNLM QITQ EZNI. Hi, there… I’m Jon Arbuckle. I’m a cartoonist, and this is my cat, Garfield. Panel 2: OR TPHAFI MNI AHMNNMIUA CAXJ SDTM MBJ TMFK JU CO WWIATJ PPQOBQIA ERVG AAFQNL. Hi, there. I’m Garfield. I’m a cat, and this is my cartoonist, Jon. Panel 3: XDR QRUY XQQYPQC IB CO ERCHATFMW YSDO. NEJV EPU. Our only thought is to entertain you. Feed me.

Results: panel 1: FJ AJEJA EJG IJG IJHIJFEJC EJE J ADJAGJAIDJH AAH DJGE JB CJ GIJ EJAJ JAAJ AIJA panel 2: HJ AIDJBA AHI JCEJCJAIA AAEJ FAAF EJB BAHI JD JA IJAIAA BCJGIJEJ AJJA AJAIJA panel 3: JJA CEJA EJCEJJJ AJ JA AEJDJAFEJ AEJJ. JAGJ ABA A1-PF convert (set A=1, B=2, C=3, …, J=0, K=A, … P=F) and reverse, recombine into 3-character groups, decode as decimal ASCII: panel 1: 109 101 100 105 097 032 057 048 118 049 107 104 105 053 056 098 097 097 051 050 106 media 90v1khi58baa32j http://mediafire.com/?90v1khi58baa32j unlockering.zip panel 2: 109 101 100 105 097 032 119 109 104 098 122 056 116 051 119 103 053 098 112 049 108 media wmhbz8t3wg5bp1l https://mediafire.com/?wmhbz8t3wg5bp1l breathless.zip panel 3: 12 107 100 051 056 104 051 100 100 053 051 053 100 ?kd38h3dd535d Unsure what to do with this at the moment, let’s look at those ZIPs… unlockering.zip contains unlockering.wav A Kansas City Standard encoded audio file.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kansas_City_standard

Decoding yields a text file with some Vigenere text at the beginning and an ASCII art picture Vigenere with key ‘guineapix’:

The ginger one is called Daisy. She is a special needs pig. She has cataracts in both eyes and is blind. The little one with black nose ears and feet is called Lucy. The big ball of fluff is Annabel. Her breed is Swiss. The one with funky fur on the back end and ginger round the eyes is Boris. A neutered boar who lives with the girls.

breathless.zip contains breathless.wav A Kansas City Standard encoded audio file. Decoding yields a text file with some Vigenere text, decoded with key 'guineapix’:

Lottie, you’d like this. I was reading a book the other day. We’re in the information age, right? All of us, we’re just bombarded by too much information, all the time. Spam emails and social media. Doing really simple things becomes difficult, or complicated, or distracting. We’re all looking for a way to cut through all the noise. It’s easy to blend in and get ignored. It’s an atmosphere which rewards people who really stand out. You have to be bold and spicy and delicious. You’ve got to be a spirit. Can’t be a ghost. Dick Tracy’s on, I’m gonna shut the TV off. There are days when I think we could take over Pangent. The three of us. Take it over and make it right. Maybe that’s just a dream. Maybe that’s the thought that keeps me here. Our mutual friend Alex Schreyer has created a culture of secrecy and fear. He learned that from his dad. So we’re scared. Hiding behind layers of security. We don’t talk to each other. That’s not the way to make a scientific breakthrough. We need to share information. We need to talk to each other, brainstorm with each other. Care about one another. We could fix Pangent. Change everything about it. We could accomplish great things. But we’re scared. Scared of what we could actually do. Lottie, there’s something you wrote for the personality test. Technology. Information wants to be free. And progress belongs to the people. Companies will keep their secrets. They’ll copyright anything they can. But they’ll market it and sell it and blow it up all over the place. Well, information gets out, one way or another. Once you invent something, you can’t uninvent it. Sometimes you have to be real careful with what you put out into the world.

Pangent comic: Pipe https://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158944279592

Original:

panel 2: NTA FJIAF EXATM QHPR YEBN NWFW Now Where could my pipe be? panel 3: MRFSAJPOJ!! Garfield panel 2: AFE JCEJB CJGIJ EJAJ JAAJ AIJA panel 3: GRONSFELD!! A1-PF on Panel 2, reverse, and group by 3’s: 109 101 100 105 097 032 053 056 1 media 58? Aha! Combine comic 2 panel 2 + comic 1 panel 3: 109 101 100 105 097 032 053 056 112 107 100 051 056 104 051 100 100 053 051 053 100 media 58pkd38h3dd535d https://mediafire.com/?58pkd38h3dd535d withourterrors.zip withourterrors.zip contains withouterrors.wav A Kansas City Standard encoded audio file. Decoding yields a text file with some Vigenere text, decoded with key 'argentinamayorsassenheim’: (ooh! a combination password)

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% C: Drinking Bird update. Thirteen months without any significant incident. Lucky. I’ll raise a glass to that. The Cube has stabilized to a degree I wouldn’t have thought possible when we began studying it at the beginning of 2017. Reluctant as I am to admit it, Leslie Walsh (aka MayorSassenheim) is responsible for most of that. She’s written code that keeps the Cube stable without real peaks and valleys, and it seems the Cube is capable of learning from that. If I trusted her, I’d leave her to her work and be done with it. I wish I could do that. The situation would be simpler. Officially, I left Project 555 a long time ago. L: you pinged me why did you ping me C: I didn’t. I was talking about you. It must have pinged you automatically L: “Drinking Bird update” jesus lottie C: What? L: you shouldn’t even be doing this who is that even an update for C: For myself. L: of course C: talking to myself thinking about myself it’s what I’m good at. L: i didn’t say that. turn your mic on i’m switching to voice. C: Over a year without any kind of disaster. Leave me alone, I’m celebrating. L: You’re lurking. In the shadows of a project you were fired from how long ago? C: I can do what I want. L: Yeah, I think that’s actually your job title at this point right? Like we don’t know what to do with Lottie and we don’t want any trouble, so I guess Lottie does what she wants. C: Leslie, I’ve been avoiding this conversation for awhile, and I’ve thought long and hard about what to say. So, here it is. Fuck off and die, Leslie, and also fuck you. L: How’s the kid? C: Beautiful. She’s the sun and the moon and the sky and the stars. She’s about six full time jobs, but Eric helps. He’s not bad at the whole father thing. L: Good. I’m glad. I’d like to see her. C: I don’t think that’s a good idea. L: I wish you’d let me be a part of your life again. C: Well, shit happens. L: What was I supposed to do? C: The four of you stole the project out from under me. L: Is that what you think happened? C: And now he’s in charge of all of it. L: Officially, he always was. None of that changed. C: You took control of my work. L: And nobody died. Nobody got hurt. Like you said, nothing happened for thirteen months. What should I have done? Leave it all to him? Dammit Lottie, I did this for you. I worked myself to death on this project, just to make sure it wouldn’t kill anybody. C: It wasn’t your responsibility. It wasn’t your burden to take on. It’s mine. L: Well, shit happens. C: This project, it drains you, it changes you. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that. It’s wrong what you did, and it’s wrong what it did to you. To both of us. L: Lottie, I did my best. Under the circumstances I tried to do what you would do. In my head it’s like I was you. C: That’s ridiculous. For one thing you’re smarter than me. L: No, I’m not. My god, I’m not. C: You are. L: This is a weird thing to say, but like … do you ever feel like you’re in the wrong timeline? Like you’re in a science fiction book about, what if the Nazis won World War II or something? Sometimes it feels like, this wasn’t supposed to happen. Like everything is wrong. C: Yes. I do feel that way sometimes. I think it’s called depression. L: Why do you hate me? C: I don’t hate you. I don’t want to hate you. We were friends and I love you. L: Lottie. C: But we can’t even be friends now and it’s bullshit. It’s him. Alex. And Liam. On their own they’d be almost harmless. The two of them together, they amplify each other’s worst qualities. L: Oh believe me, I know. Multiplying and dividing by a pair of zeroes. C: God, them and every other asshole I had to deal with and still stay halfway sane. L: Project Four. C: Project fuckin Four! Working at Pangent, it’s poison. It poisoned you and it poisoned me. Maybe I do hate you, Leslie. I hate what you did. I hate that you did it better than I could have. L: I miss you. C: Don’t be dramatic. We were only friends to get back at him. L: We were friends because we were friends. C: You know what he said to me, a couple weeks before he took control of 555? He said, I know that you and Leslie will always be friends. Didn’t sound great, coming from him. I think somewhere inside me, I made my mind up to prove him wrong. L: We could have talked this out. Dammit, we were friends. We were supposed to protect each other. C: Whatever that was, that was a moment in time, and times change. You’re stuck in a moment and you think that moment will last forever. But really a moment only comes once. L: I saw you, poking around in the code. Like the whole entire time. You weren’t super subtle about it. Were you trying to get my attention? C: Probably. Yes. L: Alex saw it too, I’m sure he did. C: I don’t care. L: I mean like I kept him from seeing the last build you did. Well, the second to last build. You should really have hidden that better. C: I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. L: He isn’t spying on this chatroom. C: You don’t know that. You fucked me over so many times. You let him in through every backdoor. L: I let him play. Like, I let the baby have his bottle. It was gonna be a fucked up situation either way. C: That doesn’t mean I can ever feel safe again. L: I get that. I’m sorry. C: You should be. I should be. There’s a lot of sorry to go around. L: You finished it, didn’t you? 555. That was supposed to be a final build. Then you erased it. C: I stopped it before it finished uploading. L: It was a finished build. C: Compiled without errors. L: I thought so. What would happen if we ran that code? C: I don’t know. It’s gone. Deleted. Forever. L: I have the partial upload. C: Of course you do. L: I saw you uploading. I mean I started downloading the minute the transfer started. And yeah, so it cuts off at a certain point. So I found the matching point in your previous build and put two and four together. C: See, this is why I can’t trust you. L: I mean I don’t know everything you changed in that build but like I figure it was all pretty top level stuff and bug fixes, whatever was left. My copy is spliced together, but do you think it’s identical to the build you deleted? C: I don’t know. L: It compiled without errors. C: Leslie, no. Oh, I can’t breathe. L: I’ll ask you again. What would happen if we ran that code? C: I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to know. It’s dangerous. L: Of course it is. I mean that’s been the whole problem from the start. C: Yes. L: You finished the code. All of it. And then you deleted it. C: Yes. L: Are you glad I kept the data? C: Yes. God, I’m actually shaking. I hope he’s not listening to this. L: So, what do we do from here? C: I don’t know. Leslie, I’m sorry for not talking to you like a human being for so long. I didn’t know what to say and after awhile, it was just … I put it off too long. L: Not too proud of any of this myself. For reals we’ve both got a lot to pologize for. C: There’s a lot of sorry to go around. L: Yeah but like, I’d like to see you. You, with Eric, and Rachel, and Sharon too. C: Who is Sharon? %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

WTF??!!?! Wowzers.

Comic 3: Odie Pangent Version: https://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158944845847

Original:

Randomiser transcribed/vigenered/A1-PF’d comics 3 & 4, I don’t have copies of the intermediate steps, just the finales: 640114011114754011541010018015017823795018115018019723201111231019017901123101401611230115012301111141148231218923001101811411101511101411231594234111017019911167 Comic 4: Lasagna Pangent Version: https://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158945180237

Original:

After Vigenering ciphertext with original text, and converting A1-PF: 645111118017970171111151148236456231115013014111115011723201111231019017901123101401611230115012322101110141111167230115018117917231218923001101811411101511101411232594234111017019911167 These final strings may not look like anything, but if you reverse them and manually space them, you get 76 111 99 107 101 114 32 49 51 32 114 101 115 101 114 118 101 100 32 98 121 32 84 114 111 110 32 105 110 32 116 104 101 32 110 97 109 101 32 111 102 32 79 108 105 118 105 97 32 87 105 108 100 101 45 110 45 74 111 104 110 46 76 111 99 107 101 114 32 49 52 32 114 101 115 101 114 118 101 100 32 98 121 32 71 97 118 105 110 32 76 111 114 101 110 122 32 105 110 32 116 104 101 32 110 97 109 101 32 111 102 32 71 105 111 114 103 105 111 32 65 46 32 84 115 111 117 107 97 108 111 115 46 which is of course decimal ASCII:

Locker 13 reserved by Tron in the name of Olivia Wilde-n-John.

Locker 14 reserved by Gavin Lorenz in the name of Giorgio A. Tsoukalos.

Comic 5: Alone Pangent: https://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158946474637

Original: (with the 'rest of the story’ to trigger your existential crisis)

GU RAT HFR EBA LQI SUI NHE RK UJ RSM OAN LNG CP HCA TNE VRE ZK OU BCI ONT IK SMO MBN ZN NEL MK KNM BQO RET PD NCO RCI OW NH RR TW FRE AWY JXD GN PO EJM HT PP NHO UQA CEN RID EJH SWA LXN HYO VC TI OD SH LEL DKR XAT PM RES FI which becomes FD AJA ABA AJA JJA HJA AAA AG BC JAA AJA DAA GI HJA GJA EJA HG BC BJA AAA BC AJA IJA GI JAA BC AJA DJA FAA BC JAA EJA BC JE ID GI CJA AJA IJA IG BC ABA HI BC JJA AJA HAA DAA AJA EAA AJA DAA BC CE ID BC DAA AJA GJA II AAA FG 64 101 121 101 001 801 111 17 23 011 101 411 79 801 701 501 87 23 201 111 23 101 901 79 011 23 101 401 611 23 011 501 23 05 94 79 301 101 901 97 23 121 89 23 001 101 811 411 101 511 101 411 23 35 94 23 411 101 701 99 111 67

Locker 15 reserved by Omega12 in the name of Niklaren Goldeye.

—– So everyone’s favorite Orange cat gave us bigtime story drops, and three locker reservations. Nice to get those on the books.

[canaryatlaw]

alright, well today was interesting. it started at like, 8:10 am when I woke up to a phone call from the amazon prime delivery person delivering my computer cable, saying the door wouldn’t open (it’s the door to a fucking apartment building?? it’s locked???) and if she should just leave the package there, and I said yes just leave it there, which is why I specifically spelled out in the delivery instructions to just leave it at the door and not interrupt my sleep....ugh. whatever. I went back to sleep and woke back up to my alarm at 9:45 since I was supposed to do a phone interview at 10 but I was hella tired because I couldn’t fall asleep last night AGAIN, so I kinda was in and out of sleep for a few minutes until the call came. I proceeding to give a phone interview while I was still half asleep and laying in bed, but it ended with them wanting to do an in person interview with me tomorrow, so I guess that’s good. The position is interesting, it’s with the ABA as a pro bono coordinator of sorts working with military cases and helping them find lawyers to take on their cases, ranging from all sorts of different types of law. It’s not something that like, I’m dying to do, but it would be more steady than my current gig and the salary would be better because I’d at least be doing 40 hours a week of work which is more than I’m doing now (I think they said the salary was around $55K, which is fine with me) so that would be cool. It would also look better on my resume going forward just because it would be more public interest focused work, especially if I wanted to get in with a nonprofit that does pro bono work. so that could be good. I am slightly anxious about like, if I got a more conventional job I wouldn’t have the freedom I have now to take trips whenever I want, but they did ask about scheduled vacations and I told them about SDCC and Dragon Con (and possibly LA for KCon there, but that would probably only be one day missed) so that’s helpful at least. but yeah we’ll see, I don’t like, have my heart set on it or anything, if it happens it happens, if not oh well. Once we finished I had to convince myself to actually get out of bed and not go back to sleep, which I managed to do with some coaxing and reminding of how much shit I had to get done. So I got up and had some breakfast, started doing laundry, went on my computer for a bit and then started working. I’m still working on the statement of facts, mostly cleaning it up and finding the proper cites for all the info (it tends to be easier to work backwards by writing out the important parts from a summary and then going back and finding the cites for them in the record rather than combing through a 750 page record in order to determine what’s important). So that took a while, with trips up and down to do laundry. I had to call my chiropractor’s office when they opened at noon because when I cancelled on Thursday due to the ER situation I hadn’t had any future appointments scheduled, but they were able to get me in the 5 pm slot for tonight where I’d been scheduled, so that worked perfectly. Around 4:30 I started getting ready and then walked over there. I’m building up a really good rapport with the PT guy there, you can tell he’s like, very much enjoying the fact that I’m playing soccer now and wants to know all the details about the games and such and is always giving me tips, and it’s nice, it brings a little more entertainment to the session. Rest of it went well, afterwards I walked down the street to the grocery store to grab a few things. When I was checking out my total came to $23.19 and right after the cashier said the number he launched into a Monsters Inc. reference “2319! we have a 2319!” and him, the bagger, and I all dissolved into laughter. it was a small moment that just left me like man, people can shit on millenials all they want, I love my generation. Anyway. I went home afterwards and spent a while chilling out and icing my back, and then called my parents for a bit and mostly just ranted about everything I’m mad about, starting with the children at the border situation and telling them I’m seriously considering up and moving to Texas at this point, and then evolving into abortion because my mom has been getting involved with the local pro-life campaign so I was just telling her you know, legislation isn’t the solution here, if we really want to reduce abortions we need to treat the systemic issues that cause a need for them, and that will actually reduce numbers rather than blanket bans that only put women’s health in danger and spark a gigantic backlash. And I know she knows much of this and is actively working on a project to help provide housing for young pregnant women who might otherwise have chosen abortion, I just feel the need to make sure she’s thinking about these things. I know everything’s in a huge uproar about the issue right now and I won’t get too far into this mostly for the sake of time as it’s almost 3 am, but my experience with both the pro-life and pro-choice camps has led me to believe what may be an unpopular opinion- but the majority of people who consider themselves “pro-life” are not women hating monsters, but truly want to do what’s best for women, they just disagree with how to get there. And I’ve been saying this for years now, but there’s so much vitriol between the two camps right now and just constant demonization of the other that makes any actual progress on addressing issues that would actually improve the lives of young would-be mothers, which should be the goal of both sides, but they can’t stop bickering long enough to come together to accomplish it. I know it’s a very complicated issue and I could talk your ear off for way longer than that about it, but as someone who considered themselves very pro-life for a number of years but has since distanced myself from the movement significantly, I feel like I have a unique perspective on things. Anyway. I also ranted about parents not accepting their gay children and how that drives up suicide rates, which I know is something my mom is not very keen on talking about but I keep reminding her about it and just not going to let it ignore it. so it was a bit of a loaded phone call, but overall it was good. Once that was done I got back to work for another two hours or so before stopping for the night and watching some Anthony Bourdain since twitter had declared today “Bourdain Day” since today was his birthday. Once I finished a few episodes of that I went to get ready for bed but had to fold and put away all my laundry first, and then showered and then had to do all my pills for the week, all of which took forever and is why it’s now almost 3 am when I’m finally getting to write this. I think that covers most everything that was important about the day, so I’m going to leave it at that and hopefully get some sleep now. Goodnight my dears. Sleep tight.

[ohsweetjoy]

εὐχαριστέω

Milestones to not be forgotten. Giving thanks often through the rough. Ramblings as I hope not to have these last six months be a blur.  I write with a heavy and light heart all at once. It is just past midnight and often my only reprieve for reflection despite the occasional moment while feeding without the distraction of my phone or some other consuming thought like what is for dinner or how to organize the nonexistent pantry.

Babies do grow up fast. I don’t think I am missing the moments but I am also highly distracted and pulled every other direction. Besides trying to keep the house organized and meal plan so we don’t eat burgers and pizza every week – wait we are… I blame covid – working to help Isaac in the best way possible and also remembering to put Waverly on her tummy. At 6 months and 16 days… no rolling yet, but quite close to doing it all on her own.. She can roll to her sides while on her back and sometimes on to her tummy but her arm gets stuck. She has learned to sit without the boppy or blankets supporting her just the days before Halloween. When she is tired she will fall over more, or as I have noticed her face look thinner, she must of grown taller the other day as she was toppling over a lot. Milestones milestones.. I don’t know if I am keeping track, so I am writing this as an addition to all the photos I share. Some words to go a long and hopefully they don’t get lost. She got her first two bottom teeth around 3 and a half months. And today I see the white line of her top left tooth which is why she never let me leave her last night. She doesn’t sleep without me and its been a struggle to accept this reality that I will be getting her to nap three times a day and every night with me and mostly only me. Thankfully she can sleep well in the car and I have mastered the art of running the air in the car just right if I stop at a stop light or even a quick porch pick up for things. I drive around Lacamas Lake often or some other back road. It has been nice to see the colors change compared to the smoke that ensued our air. There are days where the water is glass and I see the reflections of the trees and also the fancy homes overlooking the water.

Scotts been working at home in a small not so small place. His desk was originally going to be a changing table. There has been lots of stuff pushing around from organizing the garage to our room to the living room to the garage again, to our closet, to our dining room, and the garage again.. what a blessing it is to have a garage full of stuff.. is it junk.. am I saving this all for a rainy day… its raining now. Trying to be more minimalistic but its quite difficult. And any toy that catches the kiddos interest I find cheap or free… too many toys. Waverly watches Isaac often. She loves him so much. She giggles when I sing silly songs and when I blow raspberries on her face and when I brush my teeth.

She notices the smallest things like on a toy she finds the tag and promptly puts it in her mouth. Even other thing like a stuffed animal has a heart on it and she can see it and explore it with her fingers. She will do the scratching motion often. She will watch her hands and wave them at herself moving her wrist. She is still moving all her fingers at once but sometimes just her pointer finger. When she is hungry she pats her hand on her leg or something. When she is nursing sometimes she wants to play with my shirt or even other toy which can become distracting as she will end up putting the toy in her mouth instead of playing.

We have resorted to letting her watch some baby Einstein or her brother’s favorite the Grinch (new cartoon version). It allows me to get some things done like making Isaac’s meals or eating a meal myself. I’ve been busy with zoom meetings for Isaacs schools and therapies and I even quit some of his therapies for now because I just can’t keep up.

We quit the Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) therapy he was in and the preschools. We tried remote preschool which did not work for Isaac at all and we tried another preschool we paid for but they aren’t designed to support his needs so I was sending my caregiver with him but she isn’t trained as a Para educator so it really wasn’t the best fit. We finally have a good place for him and I hope for the best. I hope it’s not too good to be true and I am also praying that there isn’t another lock down / stay at home. I never thought I would be fighting for inclusion this early. Isaac is going to a gen ed preschool with EOCF and the school district will be sending a teacher or an aid for special needs to support him and possibly other students there.  Isaac will have support of school district physical, speech, and occupation therapy – which I am opting for more email pointers and not more zoom meetings. A zoom meeting with Waverly in the background is chaotic. We are also looking into in home ABA which has led to more zoom meetings but I think it will be helpful to help bring some of the things Isaac was learning home. More often he won’t use the sign or skill that he was doing at therapy at home, but he would at my parents’ house or somewhere else. We are hoping to get his communication more consistent whether it is verbal words or signs or even picture cards.

Isaac seems much happier at school (EOCF) and has been laughing more and has other sounds. I really try and focus to have positive perspectives and to listen to him. We had an ABA zoom meeting and the analyst was asking if Isaac was having a temper tantrum and I honestly never look at his grumblings in that light.. like he was but it was short lived and since his words or minimal I have trained to kinda guess what he would be saying.. and think that maybe if he could say these things he wouldn’t be yelling or grumbling as he was.

I would love to live in a different house with a bigger kitchen and an actual pantry. I have turned our coat closet into a pantry. Found some pantry moths a week or so ago and around the same time our sink backed up when the washer would drain. It was pretty gross and it left us with some piles of dishes. We often joke that we are going to set the kitchen on fire. Counter space gets limited and my oven temp isn’t accurate. My fridge freezes. All this things are first world problems.. It is always interesting to try to battle the perspectives from what I might what or desire or what do I complain about. I was going around the house praying that this place continues to be a blessing despite all its issues. This is a place that gave us some freedom from my parents, which was a needed separation. A blessing of nice neighbors mostly despite the note I got from the “hearthwood gang” (definitely some teen/early collage age girl’s handwriting).

On my walls I put reminders up of having a proper perspective. It is trendy to put up what you’re thankful for on social media during this November. Being thankful shouldn’t just be the month of November.. It should be every day. Daily thanksgiving. Eucharisteo. It is hard in a world where many are entitled and even more so with what media pushes. Thanking God for his gifts is something I am continually taught especially in this strange year..

2020 is a hard year for many. I hate covid and I hate masks. At least less people think I am crazy for having a home birth. This place where I birthed Waverly, in the bathroom of all places and six months later, is it all a blur? Sometimes it feels that way. Other times I could give a moment play by play perhaps even the most cringy first days of learning to feed her and being over tired. My brain soaks things in and I don’t forget things often---except where I put my phone 5 minutes ago. Pursuing clarity of mind between postpartum sleeplessness and pain from birthing and from nursing is quite difficult and then seeing the depth of grief arising that I never expected. To be experiencing the newborn stage with Waverly and to be grieving that I never had that with Isaac – or that I had it for so long in a very different way..

I don’t have the grief others have. I am blessed to have both my babies and I pray for their health and safety often. My mind is the worst and I blame the television shows I watched as a child.

This year has faded down to the holidays and I think it was the most intentional year yet in some ways. I have made it a point to see at least one person a week if not more. Seeing others and having play dates and walks has been vital to staying sane. I am not sure what I would have done without the different friends I have come to know. I miss the ones I rarely see and even the ones I have lost. Seasons of friendships and groups have become a reality with differing perspectives and I struggle to understand sometimes. I know God has a reason in it all and I try to hear him in the leading. I have learned the hard way of not reaching out so perhaps I might do it too much. I try and give space but other times I think that if they are brought to my mind, it is for a reason. I took to the fb Christian mom group and found some good advice that gave peace for my lost friendships – “God brings people into our lives. Some only for a season and a reason. So give her to God and let go. I know it is hard to say bye to friendships but a real friend would respond. So again the season of you and her being friends seems to be over. Something better could be waiting for you but you just need to let go and be able to receive the something better. If your hands are full you cannot receive anything.” “You deserve friends who are just as excited to connect with you as you are with them!” “You should know your worth, you need friends who love you and want YOU for you! It’s hard. But sometimes God closes doors to open up new ones.”

This is also encouraging as God has brought many new friends into my life these past two years. Some friendships I have now are in similar seasons with young kiddos and others with no kiddos and others much older than I am and I am blessed to be learning from all these different women. 

In these last six months I have had many people help us and I am so grateful. Watching Waverly grow is amazing and shocking. There are things she is doing that Isaac didn’t do until last year.. I strive not to compare but it is inevitable especially as I will begin to let her try some foods soon. She stares as me when I eat and copies mouth movements when she sees Scott eat. There has been a time or two where I look for a tube on her belly like something is missing. We have a love hate relationship with Isaac’s tube. It’s a blessing but it is tough. I am glad Isaac eats purees orally and now he can be around other kids eating twice at school and then eventually at home with his sister. I really need a meal plan for us so I can prep and cook dinner quicker and we can all eat together at the table. Right now its rounds where Isaac eats, then I make dinner and eat, and then Scott puts Isaac to bed and then he eats.

No real end to this rambling of thoughts and jotting down of milestones. I soon need to sort through the 50 gigs of photos and videos I have on my phone before I end up needed to pay for more cloud storage. What will it be like for the kiddos to see photos of themselves, so many, almost a daily picture. Well I have written what would be two pictures. Perhaps I will find some photos I like from these last weeks..

Don’t forget, Eucharisteo. Give thanks to God in all things – see His grace for you, his gift to you, and find His joy. Eucharisteo in mind has kept me whole in broken many moments and helps my hearts cry to choose joy.  

[autistic-science-cryptid]

Introduction

I am an autistic person, as I’m sure you know. And, as the title suggests, while I am not literally a cryptid, I might as well be a cryptid, at least according to autism researchers, for a number of reasons. You see, for starters,I was diagnosed with autism in the late 80s as a baby, and I mean a literal baby, just over a year old, because my mom (who later realized she was autistic and self-diagnosed as a result of watching me grow) talked to the doctors and was like “Oh by the way, I noticed that other babies look at me but my kid does not. Hmmm. I wonder why that is”. That’s the first cryptid point right there - researchers are still looking for ways to diagnose autistic kids at age 2 (so they can push that hellish ABA therapy on them - boooo) even though like two seconds of observation would enable them to see who is autistic much earlier. Which is probably a good thing if that kid has the type of parents who would push them into ABA. Good thing my parents didn’t buy into that crap, no matter how much later experience with abusive assholes convinced me they did or it was only a matter of time before they did.

Secondly, since I didn’t know how to please IQ testers when I was really little and had not been pushed through official ABA by my parents, the “experts” claimed I was (and this is their word, not mine) “retarded”. Which, as we know, is a slur, but was a medical term in use back then, before they said “intellectually disabled”. Fine thing to put on a baby. And here’s the thing: No intellectually disabled person can write the way I’m doing right now. So one more cryptid point - apparently the real me didn’t exist to them then, either.

Thirdly, when I was really little, a dog (whose owner foolishly claimed he “loves kids”) got its mouth around my throat, and my autistic nervous response of freezing up in the face of that type of danger is the only reason I’m not six feet under right now, as pretty much any neurotypical kid would have been when confronted with a situation like that. So one more cryptid point for me. Especially since I always have and still love dogs, and if anything, that incident had me firmly convinced that dogs are not mindless killing machines, because if they were, I’d be dead. Whereas a response I had to a teacher ducking me underwater and giving me fake praise was more normal - it made me afraid of the water, and only a teacher from the YMCA cured me of that fear, whereas the special ed middle school I went to, which had a pool, only punished me for that fear. I’ll get back to special ed later. 

Yay “errorless learning! (/sarcasm)

I also used to stack a little table on top of a chair when I was a kid to reach stuff because for some reason, my dad always put Cheerios on top of a really high wardrobe (Gee, thanks) And I never fell because I was careful climbing that precarious structure. One more cryptid point for me - kids normally aren’t able to do that.

I am also a person who was in private Special Ed schools from the time I was like ten months old throughout high school, and my middle and high school in particular was emotionally abusive to me. While they never officially claimed to use ABA, they did - if it walks like ABA, talks like ABA, and quacks like ABA, it is ABA no matter what you call it. And really, it’s quite weaselly presenting your core discipline method as like a fun extra for your students to earn (which I found out on their website years later). It’s especially weaselly given that this method was the exact method used to punish me for not swimming a length of the school’s pool due to the fear of the water (and especially the deep end) that I mentioned earlier, a fear that wasn’t even as difficult to solve as many other hydrophobia cases, so of course a Y teacher was able to fix it. Throughout that time, but particularly during middle school years, I tried multiple different little schemes (not adult-level schemes, kid-sized ones) to try to be a more successful kid (so yes, I do sympathize with Pa Ingalls, even as I recognize that it is far more problematic for him to do that than for kid me to because he had several people to look out for and I had zero). That’s another cryptid point - usually you see that kind of behavior pattern from grown men, not tween girls.

As an extra bonus, the special ed high school I went to let me into their college program the first year, one where you take college courses for credit, and I got an A in that course. Nevertheless, my school had set me up to fail that - they had a lady teacher sit next to me, one who was entitled as fuck. This teacher whined about her job to us, and also bragged at one point about how Tom Cruise called her and was polite to her. I mean, hello? Tom Cruise is a Scientologist, and assuming that teacher wasn’t lying, the only reason Tom Cruise would call some random teacher is to recruit her into Scientology. But of course, that teacher was so full of herself that she could not see that. This teacher also, when confronted, said “I have other kids to worry about”. Nevermind that I was the only student from that special ed program that she was sitting next to. She also allowed me to work on a project alone instead of in a group because of course I was going to take that option when they offered it (even though I am perfectly capable of working on group projects). But them allowing me that option was a setup. 

That, combined with talking to myself and maybe poor grooming was what they used as an excuse to kick me out of that program. Though they never told me about poor grooming as a reason, and it was usually my parents they hid things from, so I’m not sure poor grooming was what they were primarily concerned with. Anyhoo, it seems as though talking to myself was enough to get me kicked out of that program in spite of getting an A, with the teachers literally laughing like bullies at my parents as they told my parents the news, and furthermore, they recommended me for VESID, which was really just recommending that I live in a sheltered workshop (which I would have shot myself in the foot in - I am a fast worker at certain tasks, and had my parents agreed to the sheltered workshop placement, I would have given the people my best performance, and ended up getting paid less than minimum wage, and worse, they would never let me go because they would be using me to pick up the slack for other workers and would find all sorts of excuses not to let me move on). 

So the A alone may as well be a cryptid point. As is my using NYC public transportation all by myself - those fuckheads claimed I couldn’t travel independently, even though I had been using the subway all by my lonesome to get to the work experience programs I did the last year (in former years, I had gone to work experience stints on the bus). So, pathetic as it may seem, my ability to use the subway/bus all by my lonesome is another cryptid point.

I also get a few more cryptid points for currently studying animal behavior and cognition in grad school and working on a Master’s thesis (which I won’t talk about so, again, as not to dox myself). Let me explain.

First of all, in spite of being kicked out of that program, the high school let me graduate, and the way they described me was literally how intellectually disabled people are described. And, while intellectually disabled people are themselves severely underestimated, they certainly are not going to be in graduate school working on a Master’s thesis in animal behavior and cognition, because the scientific papers alone would be cognitively inaccessible to them - even the lay version of scientific papers might not be cognitively accessible to an intellectually disabled person. So, according to that logic, I should not even be where I am right now.

Furthermore, some of the top people at that school are ableist as fuck, and totally champion clicker training, both for animals (which is iffy in and of itself, especially as a general behavior training for highly social and compliant species like dogs) and for, you guessed it, autistic people. They totally support ABA “therapy” as well (and yes, they support electrically shocking kids as punishment and claim it is less cruel than either medicating or restraining kids who self-injure, which is bullshit and completely dances around the fact that kids at the Judge Rotenberg Center get shocked for minor things) and they totally gloss over some pretty alarming signs. They, of course, claim I am totally high-functioning with no issues whatsoever, so to them, the side of me that has meltdowns and occasionally self-injures is also a cryptid, since apparently autistic people who can get a Master’s degree can’t have meltdowns. Even though I do get those from time to time. So one more cryptid point for meltdowns.

This is a random list of talents and abilities I have (just those, if you don’t feel like reading a list of talents, you can always skip that part)

I can do a perfect kitty meow (seriously, you would think there is a cat in there if you were in the room when I did it). And I can also stim (god, I wish autocorrect would use that as an actual word) by rhythmically tossing a ball back and forth without looking, and I can also produce songs simply by clicking my tongue. Yes, that’s a thing, although I’ve never seen anyone else do it. Believe me or not if you wish, but I’m not about to dox myself by putting up a video, especially since I don’t want to be blacklisted as a result of smear campaigns by ableist researchers. Three cryptid points right there. Four if you count me teaching myself some sort of impromptu gymnastics move at one point (well below Olympic level - it wouldn’t even qualify for a low-level gymnastics competition)- I have no idea what the hell that move looks like or what to call it. I only know how it feels, so don’t ask. 

Five cryptid points if you count the fact that on occasion the neuronal electricity from my hand jumps out and “pushes” a computer button before I even touch it - it’s not really a reliably controllable act, but it is a weird quirk I have, and that I share with my mom. The only reason that isn’t a problem is because it only seems to “push” a few types of buttons and coincides only with my hand approaching the button, never before that, which is how I know it’s nerve electricity and not a glitch. If you think that’s woo, don’t follow me - I never claimed to be able to teach anyone how to do that or to identify whether someone has that ability (unless they tell me and don't falsely claim to be able to control it only to show no such ability), and it’s not like I can sell that quirk for money, either. And I can’t control it anywhere near reliably enough to prove it scientifically, either, which is probably a big reason why abilities like that (along with telepathy, which I have only ever heard of in real life, mostly not from me but from others I know, as being a random, uncontrollable occurrence or else, as in one case, so laughably pathetic that pretty much any scientific test for telepathy will never detect said ability) were never officially found, so don’t hold your breath waiting for that kind of thing.

One more talent I have is this: after seeing Orlando Bloom as Legolas (I’m aroace, so I don’t have a crush on him and don’t get any ideas) do a catlike leap onto a rock, I tried that same move and got it right on the first try, even though I had read he found it difficult to do. But then again, he’s a foot taller than me, and he has an acquired disability from foolishly walking, sober, onto a thin piece of metal that could not support his weight, and falling three stories, so maybe it’s a cryptid point, maybe not, because being a foot shorter than the guy you see doing a catlike balance move would make it pretty easy to out-cat him any day. Especially since I would never make the kind of mistake he did, because from what I can gather, Orlando Bloom is a pretty cocksure guy (kind of like Legolas, really, personality wise - too bad they made him play what seemed to be an entirely different character than the one in the book who is probably more like Orlando Bloom than the Legolas Orlando Bloom played), and I am not cocksure. Obviously not literally, because I am cis female, and not metaphorically, either.

[peace-coast-island]

In the span of three weeks Mayla Blunstone traveled to various places around the world alongside a former evil princess living on borrowed time. From fighting dragons to jumping trains, to skydiving and landing in old wells to breaking out of space jail, it was a hell of a lot better than sitting through summer school.

Princess Evie of the Fallen Spheres was one of the few remaining members of Dead Alley’s prestigious royal family. She and her friends Cammie, Skip, and Rusty were known as the Dusk Crew, prominent troublemakers at the Alley. Six years ago Evie and her friends were allowed access to the neighboring land Isle of Enchantments for an opportunity for a better life. Out of the four, Evie quickly grew to enjoy life in the Isle while Cammie, her best friend and leader of the gang, struggled the most.

And then it all went downhill when Pandora of the powerful Agrona vampires attacked the Isle, killing several including the King and Queen. Pandora escape and Dead Alley was once again sealed off, leaving Evie and her friends stranded on the Isle. Although they were cleared of any involvement in the attack, Evie couldn’t help but feel somewhat responsible, much like she did at the Alley when she sat and watched her parents take advantage of others. She was always the most disillusioned of the gang, always questioning things and seeing them in ways no one else can.

A year and a half later, life as she knew it was over. Cammie, torn between two worlds, her old life and a new life alongside a prince from a neighboring kingdom, fled the Isle and returned to the Alley. Evie and the others tried to convince her to come back but Cammie made up her mind. Defeated, Evie, Skip, and Rusty walked out of Cammie’s pad for the last time. As soon as they stepped out, they were cornered by their old nemesis Poseidon, who challenged Cammie to a duel on his ship. For the last time the Dusk Crew got together to fight against the Tsunami Gang. The battle ended in a draw, killing everyone on board when Cammie and Poseidon caused an explosion that blew the ship into the middle of the ocean. Using the last of her powers, Cammie managed to partially resurrect Evie, who was part immortal on her mother’s side. But since the spell was incomplete, it won’t be long until death comes for Evie. Until then, she has nothing to do but keep moving on.

Fast forward four years later in a boarding school somewhere in the middle of a giant city. There was Mayla Blunstone, stuck spending her summer at school instead of being at home with her twin sister Charlotte in Forest Pines Island. She and her sister hated the school mainly because of the people there but because the academics were great, it wasn’t easy to get into. The twins knew that their parents wanted to provide them with the very best but sometimes it feels like that’s all they do. Usually summer school would be somewhat bearable with Charlotte there but since she got expelled for her escapade during spring break earlier that year, Mayla was on her own.

Then on one cloudy June day Mayla and Evie’s paths crossed. Having enough of prep school life, Mayla took advantage of the much needed three day weekend and took a train as far as she could afford. The three hour train ride took her to the city of Aventurine and she headed to a motel a few blocks away from the station. At the front desk it was revealed that the place was overbooked and there were some mix ups with the rooms, resulting in Mayla and Evie getting the same room. Since there were two beds and plenty of space for two people who plan to go out for most of their stay, they decided to be roommates.

If it wasn’t for the new rooming situation, Mayla would have spent the weekend at the motel binge-watching shows or wander around town. As for Evie, she only came to Aventurine for some unfinished business and maybe hang around if she didn’t get kicked out for whatever reason. For some reason, Evie seemed to have taken interest in Mayla, especially after she noticed the Blunstone crest on Mayla’s school uniform jacket. That sparked a conversation between the two, where Evie revealed that her stepfather was a distant relative of the Blunstones. From there Evie decided to invite Mayla to tag along and help her retrieve the Embers of Citrine, an old spell book believed to have been lost for centuries, from a pawn shop before it fell into the wrong hands. Problem was, the owner happens to be an enemy of Evie’s mother and also the right hand man of another nemesis. So Evie needed to find a way to get the book without him or anyone knowing since as far as she knows, they’re unaware that it has fallen into their possessions. After getting the book she plans to drop by the Isle to give to her stepsister, the only person who Evie really keeps in contact with, who will lock it in a vault at the museum. Mayla, dying for adventure, jumped at the chance to break away from monotony.

That afternoon, a disguised Mayla sauntered into Gadgets and Gizmos, posing as a historian looking to expand her collection of extremely rare books. Being the master of disguise, mainly due to her and Charlotte pulling switch-a-roos once in a while, Mayla played the role perfectly. She managed to look into the inventory, where she spotted the Embers of Citrine in a crate of old books and scrolls. After arguing it over with the owner, he agreed to let Mayla come back the next day to negotiate prices for the crate. Mayla left the store feeling euphoric and rebellious. Impressed, Evie celebrated with dinner and a trip to Aventurine’s abandoned mines for a treasure hunt. Mayla hit the jackpot when she found a small sack of gold coins worth about $2 million, which she and Evie split up.

The next day, Mayla made a dramatic entrance into Gadgets and Gizmos, ready to negotiate. Evie hid in the shadows, anticipating a fight. Just as she predicted, the owner wanted to battle things out before giving up the crate. The second he pulled out his mini-cannon, Mayla gave a hand signal and Evie came bursting through the roof. Even in her weakening state, Evie put up a hell of a fight, forcing the owner to make a fool of himself in front of his gang. After retrieving the Embers, Evie didn’t have much of a reason to stick around, not with the Gadgets and Gizmos gang out for her, so she packed her bags. Not wanting the fun to end so soon, Mayla offered to be her personal assistant. Considering that it’ll take a while for Evie to get to the Isle to drop off the book, she decided that it wouldn’t hurt to have some extra help if something were to happen to her. While Evie was reluctant, she had to admit that having Mayla around was fun and that she almost forgot what it’s like to have a partner in crime. Maybe with a friend to tag along, Evie could get her mind off certain things, tat is if time would allow her to.

So on Sunday Evie and Mayla embarked on a long train ride to the Isle of Enchantments, where they ran into quite a bit of trouble. Since there was no direct train to the Isle from Aventurine, the two had to change trains several times, which cost a lot of time. What was supposed to take about a day ended up taking nearly three because of bad weather in the mountains. So to speed things up, Evie decided to hop on the next train, as in literally jump on them. As long as they didn’t get caught, it would be fine. Mayla was a bit scared at first but soon adrenaline took over and she felt like she was flying. In the middle of train hopping were the food fights in the cafe, often instigated by Evie’s pranks. Every time Evie would do something like move a napkin dispenser slightly to the left or mix up someone’s order, which will lead to a customer complaining which then escalates to a battle. Meanwhile the two would hide in the background, joining in occasionally until someone comes in to deescalate the fight, which is when they would escape to the next train. In those three days, it was like Mayla and Evie knew each other forever.

Finally they arrived at the Isle, where they met Evie’s stepsister Aurora. On the way to Aurora’s cottage Mayla noticed that Evie was limping and clutching on to her side. Her suspicions grew when she heard the sisters arguing in the middle of the night. She couldn’t help but listen in even though she knew it wasn’t her place. Evie caught on and decided that there was no point in hiding anything. So Evie told Mayla about the battle between the Tsunami Gang and the Dusk Crew and Cammie’s spell that’s keeping her alive. Along with that, Evie also revealed under her jacket a stake that impaled her chest. In the past few weeks her condition had started deteriorating quicker than she anticipated, the stake turning rusty and its sharp coils digging into her. Evie guessed that part of the reason why she liked Mayla was because she reminded her of Cammie. With time running out, she wanted to go out with a bang, preferably with someone by her side, that is if Mayla didn’t mind.

The next three weeks were a wild ride for Mayla as she accompanied Evie on many dangerous adventures. From flying a plane for the first time to skydiving off it when it caught fire and landing in an old well full of death traps that Mayla barely escaped from, no one would believe her at all if she told them. After that Mayla and Evie signed on to a dragon fight tournament where they won last place. Maybe wearing her school jacket to the competition wasn’t the best idea but at least only the sleeves were burnt off. Then there was dimension hopping, which was scary and disorienting but also exhilarating. But from there things started to take a turn for Evie as she deteriorated further and was unable to fight like she used to.

For the second half of the adventure, while it was still on the exciting side, it wasn’t as physically demanding, which Mayla didn’t mind at all. As the month drew to an end, Evie wanted to take Mayla somewhere special. What she didn’t expect was Cammie’s enemies using the abandoned garage as their new hangout. Using an old spaceship, Evie and Mayla managed to escape their grasp. While the fight took a lot out of her, Evie was fueled by adrenaline as she took the battle to space. Unfortunately the fight ended in a draw when authorities seized their ships and arrested everyone for causing a lot of commotion and damage to nearby ships. Until Aurora can arrive to bail them out, the two spent a night in space jail, where they taunted their opponents.

The next morning Aurora arrived with a plan to sneak the two out of jail. Just as they were about to leave, some on the enemies managed to break out and engaged in battle to finish things out. Although the odds looked bad for Evie, Mayla, and Aurora as it was three versus five, they won by a hair. While the guards escorted the enemies to a more secure cell, one of them threw an explosive, damaging the police station and allowed for a few prisoners to escape. Mayla was nearly hit by a beam on the ceiling, Aurora barely escaping a fallen bookshelf, and Evie was buried under fallen ceiling tiles. Evie refused to leave until she found her golden amulet, a present from Cammie and the only thing she ever held on to after losing everything that meant something to her. Mayla and Aurora noticed how difficult it was for Evie to walk but for her sake didn’t comment about it. After spending a night recovering at Aurora’s cottage, Evie escorted Mayla back to her school. It was supposed to be a quick goodbye but Evie found it hard to bid her friend farewell. Mayla felt the same way. So after a lengthy goodbye, they went their separate ways.

Just like her sister’s escapade, Mayla’s unexpected trip got her expelled, which didn’t phase her at all. Long after that, Mayla never forgot about Evie and the good times they had together. Like Charlotte, Mayla kept most of her adventure to herself. As much as she would have liked to stay, she knew that her path will never cross with Evie’s again. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to fantasize about new adventures they could have together.

Two months later Mayla received a package with Evie’s golden amulet inside.

[brainfoodgp]

Seeds For Wellness Journal Summer/2017

“There needs to be a lot more emphasis on what a child can do instead of what he cannot do.” -Temple Grandin-

I have certainly been busy this month celebrating my 45th new year! For someone that spent a lot of my 20’s and 30’s trying to find ways to end my life, there is a certain joy that comes with each new passing year. Managing my manic depressive symptoms is in itself a full time job. However, by eating a healthier diet and getting out into a garden as much as possible. I realized that the reason I am still on this earth is to spread that message throughout the mental health community. Both of these wellness tools successfully work for me and I know deep down they could work for you as well.

A perfect opportunity to further that mission came about several months ago when life coach and motivational speaker Ozioma Egwuonwu invited me to come out to The Dream Center in Newburgh, NY and to share my story and vision for Brain Food Garden Project. The DreamTalk will take place on July 27th from 7-9PM I hope you will be able to join me or stream it live. To learn more about The Dream Center Click Here  And to learn more about its founder Ozioma Click Here

I love the fact that we highlight certain days, weeks and months out of a year to bring attention to important causes. I love Mental Health Awareness month and the greater understanding it brings to the world. However, I also believe that we should talk about all of these important issues all year long. It is our goal at Brain Food Garden Project to keep the dialogue flowing on a plethora of topics related to mental health and food justice every single day through social media and this blog. That is precisely why I turned over our BFGP Feature story this month to a good friend and the mother of a beautiful young man Carter, who just happens to also be Autistic. Sarah Todd’s beautifully written article will indeed show you the true meaning of the words unconditional love.

Also this month we return with more Notes from the Resistance, and What I’m Reading and our Healthy & Delicious Recipes tie in to our feature story on Autism.  

Happy Reading!  

The BFGP Feature:

Sarah Todd is a resident of Covington, Georgia. Besides being an exceptional mother to her son Carter and a true believer in the power of Harry Potter as a mental health wellness tool. She is also an advocate for all children and parents dealing with Autism. Sarah is the Vice Chair of County Parties and County Party Liaison for the state Democratic Party. She travels county by county insuring that the next generation of grassroots activists are trained and ready for the frontlines.

Life As an Autism Mama by Sarah Todd

When it comes to parenting a child on the autism spectrum, you often wish there was a book you could pick up that would give you step by step instructions on how not to screw up your one task, which is to raise a happy, healthy human being.  I’ve wished and dreamed for such a thing, but I know it doesn’t exist because as the old saying goes, “if you’ve met one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.”  There is no one-size-fits-all strategy for raising an autistic child.

In the grand scheme of things, I’m relatively new to the world of autism.  Unofficially, I’ve lived in this world for 11 years.  Officially, for 9, when we received a diagnosis of PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Delays – Not Otherwise Specified) for our son Carter. I had a totally normal pregnancy. Easy delivery.  Everything was just fine and we couldn’t be happier. Carter progressed as he should have for about 15 months and then stopped reaching “normal” infant and toddler milestones.  I really didn’t need a doctor to tell me my child was different.  I knew something was different about Carter before we were ever told.  A mother always knows.  The signs were there.

Lining up toys in a straight line.  Loud noises hurting his ears.  Twirling until he fell over and then getting back up and doing it again.  Bright lights hurting his eyes (and in stores, the noise of florescent lights hurting his ears).  Not interested in playing with toys, but wanting to see how they worked (especially if they had wheels that moved).  Walking on his tip toes.  Answering your questions with a question or just repeating back to you what you said to him (echolalia).  Repetition. Repetition.  Repetition.  Hand flapping when he was excited (this was really cute and I kind of miss it now that he’s outgrown this stimming technique).  The obsessive love of Thomas the Train.  My husband and I knew it was time to get him into something else when we ended up arguing about two of the trains at 3 o’clock in the morning – long after Carter had fallen asleep, but with us still watching.  Thomas the Train being replaced with an obsessive love of the movie Cars.  Seriously, I’m pretty sure we put some Pixar employee’s kid through college with all the stuff we had to have because it was Lightning McQueen (although I’m pretty sure that was normal for every little boy at that age).

We started the therapies that were recommended by our doctor - occupational therapy and speech therapy. They also recommended ABA therapy (Applied Behavioral Analysis therapy), but our insurance wouldn’t approve it.  When he was three, we enrolled him in a program through our local school system called Babies Can’t Wait that provides early intervention for children with developmental delays.  We couldn’t get him into the program until about three months before the school year ended, but it was a very good start to getting him socialized with other kids.  He was in a special needs Pre-K class at one school.  I wasn’t impressed.  We moved to put him in a better school.  He excelled in this other school.  He’s just finished up the 5th grade and is moving to middle school this year. He’s leaving elementary school on the A/B Honor Roll and he has made lasting friendships with some really great kids.  The teachers and staff of this school are some of the most amazing people you would ever hope to have in the field of education.

Carter was “mainstreamed”, which means he split his time between smaller special education classes and regular classes with neurotypical children.  He loves math.  I guess it’s because he can see how it works in his mind.  He’s a visual learner.  He receives occupational therapy and speech therapy through the school system and it helps him maneuver through a day with other kids who don’t have a clue what autism is.  His classmates know he’s different.  They just accept him.

It sounds like a perfect life and I can’t tell you how many times someone has said to me that they couldn’t tell that he’s on the spectrum.  Good.  That’s exactly how we’ve raised him.  I take my role as a parent preparing him for a life without me very seriously.

He really is a happy kid and I consider myself to be the luckiest mom in the world to have a son that was voted “Most Polite” by his fellow classmates and teachers at school this past year.  He’s funny. He’s smart.  He’s kind.  Unlike some others on the spectrum, he’s extremely empathetic.  He’ll bring you a tissue if he sees you crying and tells you over and over that it’s going to be ok.  By my account, he’s doing just fine.

He’s just out there being the best 11 year old he can be.  There have been times when he’s faltered, but what child hasn’t?  Getting to this point though has been a struggle for us.  I would never speak for my husband because our roles in Carter’s life are very different, but for me, this life hasn’t always been peachy.  I wouldn’t trade being his mom for anything in the world, but I would like to know what it’s like to not go to sleep on a regular basis being eaten alive with worry. He’s an only child.  Who will be there for him when we’re gone?    Will he be picked on at his new school?  Will he always be oblivious to the dangers of this world?  Will he ever be able to communicate with people in a truly meaningful way?  Will he ever find someone to love him for just being his amazing self?

People don’t know that it’s lonely being a parent of a child with autism.  We’re surrounded by others, but they have no idea what kind of struggles we go through.  I often wonder to myself if parents of neurotypical kids are guilty of wishing that, for once, their kid just “gets it” like everyone else does.  Or, in my more selfish moments, I want to know do they know what its like to mourn the loss of a child that never existed, but you thought you would have?  Where’s my son that would play little league baseball instead of sitting at a computer all day building cars on car company websites?  In my more critical moments, I’m deeply ashamed of myself for thinking such things.

We face a lot of external strains.  Financially, we’ve taken hit after hit.  Georgia wasn’t a state that mandated autism coverage when Carter was younger so we had to pay for his therapies out of pocket.  We burned through our savings.  I cashed out two 401k’s.  We lost our home to foreclosure, but I have a kid who can communicate with others so I think we chose wisely.

I consider myself pretty lucky that I have a great partner on our son’s journey to adulthood.   Don’t get me wrong - I get angry with my husband. I resent the hell out of being The Parent while he gets to be Mr. Fun Time Guy to hang out with on the weekends, but we also know that we’re not the focus anymore so we get over ourselves real quick.  It’s not about us.  It’s about Carter and we do whatever we have to do to get through another day as TeamTodd

I’m not naturally predisposed to being an optimistic person.  I’ve never been what can be described as patient.  But since I am my child’s introduction to the world, I do whatever I can to be just those very things.  You don’t know love until you are choking down your rage at watching the same movie for the 786th time.  If you are a planner like me – a logistics queen – you weep for your former life because now you know you have to just go with the flow.  You can plan and plan and plan and think you have something figured out for just about every scenario imaginable (and you usually do if you are an autism parent), but there will always be that one thing that comes up that you just have to deal with.

Well-meaning people ask me all the time how to interact with those on the autism spectrum or what can they do to help?  I usually chuckle.  They are so serious when they ask, like they’ve just heard you have some terminal illness and they don’t know what to do.  It’s ok.  Nobody knows what to do until you must deal with it yourself.  I usually tell them that the most important thing to remember when interacting with someone on the autism spectrum is to be patient and don’t take it personally if you don’t get the response you have been hard wired and conditioned to receive your whole life. Anything “typical” to you may or may not be to them.  Really. Can you imagine what it must be like to live in a world that is always too loud, too bright, too colorful, too distracting, too smelly, too much?  We ask so much of people with autism.  Every day, these individuals are expected to fit their square pegs into the round holes of our society.

Life is all about choices. Some people choose to get bogged down by life, to see the ugliness of a cruel world.  We choose to see life through Carter’s eyes – one filled with love and joy and empathy.  We choose to protect him for as long as we can, but we also choose to let him experience his life his own way.  We’ve relinquished control of the path we take.  We’re just along for the ride now and we couldn’t imagine a better guide.

What I’m Reading:

We named Temple Grandin our BFGP Hero back in April of 2016 after I finally watched the wonderful HBO movie based on her life and read her first book Emergence:Labeled Autistic. In honor of my friend and fellow Hufflepuff Carter Todd I have recently started reading The Autistic Brain:Thinking Across The Spectrum by Grandin and Richard Panek. The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette called it “The right brain has created the right book for right now.” 1 in 88 children are affected by Autism. to learn more about Autism Click Here  

Notes From The Resistance:

The Christo Fascist Authoritarian regime currently holding our country in a vice grip knows no shame. From trying to again take away millions of American’s health care to appointing a company party planner to oversee New York’s federal housing programs. These are our notes from the resistance. 

1, Who Gets hurt by the SNAP cuts in the current regime budget? Click Here

2.  This is nothing to party about Click Here

3. Food Justice experts weigh in on the Fascist Click Here 

4. Pesticides our health is at risk with the Authoritarian’s EPA Click Here

5.  End the fascist regime’s pay for play in the private prison system sign the petition Click Here

Healthy & Delicious Recipes:

When I talk to friends with children on the autistic spectrum. One of the consistent things I hear frustrates them the most is the fact they find it difficult to feed their children healthy foods because their kids just want pizza or chicken nuggets. So much of this has to do with the fact autistic kids see visually and taste differently than we do. I have been following our guest writer Sarah Todd’s journey on Facebook recently on working to get Carter to eat more healthfully. That struggle inspired me to look for a recipe this month that would fit Carter’s  sensibility but with mom’s desire for him to eat healthier.

Baked Panko Breaded Chicken Nuggets

INGREDIENTS

2 boneless, skinless chicken breasts (about 1 pound total)

1 cup panko (Japanese breadcrumbs)

1/3 cup grated Parmesan

Coarse salt

1 tablespoon vegetable oil

½ cup all-purpose flour

3 large eggs, lightly beaten

Cooking spray 

DIRECTIONS

1.Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Cut chicken into 2-inch pieces. Spread panko on a rimmed baking sheet and bake until golden brown, 6 to 8 minutes. Transfer to a shallow dish, then add Parmesan and ½ teaspoon salt; drizzle with oil and stir to combine.

2.Place flour and eggs in separate shallow dishes. Increase temperature to 450 degrees.

3.Set a wire rack in a rimmed baking sheet; lightly coat rack with cooking spray. In batches, coat chicken in flour, shaking off excess, dip in egg, then coat with panko, pressing to adhere. Place on rack.

4.Bake until chicken is cooked through, 12 minutes, flipping halfway through. Serve nuggets with sauce.

[humansoulsarg]

Encrypted Garfield Comics Solve

http://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158944128617

This post contains a Garfield comic strip, by Jim Davis, only edited with the text replaced with some type of cipher.

While players were working on this post, several more posts came through with similarly edited Garfield comic strips, five in total.

The comic strip from the first post turned out to be the debut Garfield comic strip from June 19, 1978

To decode the text in the edited version of the comics, the first step is a Vigenere cipher, with the original comic text as the key, taking each panel separately.

panel 1: MR TQIAE MVP WWG ZKBKTQIRO ELE A TRXNOBTIQMA HIZ LBSC LB VP GZO MNLM QITQ EZNI. Hi, there… I’m Jon Arbuckle. I’m a cartoonist, and this is my cat, Garfield. panel 2: OR TPHAFI MNI AHMNNMIUA CAXJ SDTM MBJ TMFK JU CO WWIATJ PPQOBQIA ERVG AAFQNL. Hi, there. I’m Garfield. I’m a cat, and this is my cartoonist, Jon. panel 3: XDR QRUY XQQYPQC IB CO ERCHATFMW YSDO. NEJV EPU. Our only thought is to entertain you. Feed me.

The decrypted text then consists of only letters A-J

panel 1: FJ AJEJA EJG IJG IJHIJFEJC EJE J ADJAGJAIDJH AAH DJGE JB CJ GIJ EJAJ JAAJ AIJA

panel 2: HJ AIDJBA AHI JCEJCJAIA AAEJ FAAF EJB BAHI JD JA IJAIAA BCJGIJEJ AJJA AJAIJA

panel 3: JJA CEJA EJCEJJJ AJ JA AEJDJAFEJ AEJJ. JAGJ ABA

These can then be converted to numbers A=1, B=2, etc. with J=0, and reversed to become ASCII decimal values

109 101 100 105 097 032 057 048 118 049 107 104 105 053 056 098 097 097 051 050 106

media 90v1khi58baa32j

109 101 100 105 097 032 119 109 104 098 122 056 116 051 119 103 053 098 112 049 108

media wmhbz8t3wg5bp1l

The third frame turns out to be a partial solution that requires additional information.

The first two panels, decode to mediafire strings. The first is http://mediafire.com/?90v1khi58baa32j

The file available is a ZIP archive named unlockering.zip containing a file unlockering.wav which is an audio file encoding data using the Kansas City Standard format. A python version of an encoder and decoder for this audio format was provided by Pangent in an early mediafire link available here: http://mediafire.com/?re6w37cv7aejo93

After decoding the audio into text, two sections are revealed. The first is more encoded text:

Zbm tmnvmo uhm vw cptikx Lnmsn. Aek ca n wptkfgf vridh xfm. Mpr lah kxzuzngth qk hibu iyta xtx qf flxva. Zbm ymtitb uhm jmtw jigws asst mxxm iah ftmq om knpltl Iawg. Gle qqd huty sf utrlz qf Enciykf. Prv bgmbj ca Faiha. Qny wai wxbe lovxc fjz lt npr fars btx iah gxvdkl zbyns bek ygrw ih Jlxca. N rejbbxyl osag eeu fqiis lqqn npr kigtp.

Which decodes as Vigenere with keyword ‘guineapix’ to:

The ginger one is called Daisy. She is a special needs pig. She has cataracts in both eyes and is blind. The little one with black nose ears and feet is called Lucy. The big ball of fluff is Annabel. Her breed is Swiss. The one with funky fur on the back end and ginger round the eyes is Boris. A neutered boar who lives with the girls.

Pangent Technologies tweeted the following image: https://twitter.com/pangenttech/status/845420515804119040 of four guinea pigs, so we now know the names of this fun-loving bunch.

Also, an edited version of this image had been revealed by Pangent:

The rest of the text from unlockering.wav is an ASCII-art image of a guinea pig

The second panel’s mediafire link is to http://mediafire.com/?wmhbz8t3wg5bp1l which contains another KCS encoded audio file, this time named breathless.wav with more Vigenere encoded text with password 'guineapix’ the decoded text is as follows:

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% Lottie, you’d like this. I was reading a book the other day. We’re in the information age, right? All of us, we’re just bombarded by too much information, all the time. Spam emails and social media. Doing really simple things becomes difficult, or complicated, or distracting. We’re all looking for a way to cut through all the noise. It’s easy to blend in and get ignored. It’s an atmosphere which rewards people who really stand out. You have to be bold and spicy and delicious. You’ve got to be a spirit. Can’t be a ghost. Dick Tracy’s on, I’m gonna shut the TV off. There are days when I think we could take over Pangent. The three of us. Take it over and make it right. Maybe that’s just a dream. Maybe that’s the thought that keeps me here. Our mutual friend Alex Schreyer has created a culture of secrecy and fear. He learned that from his dad. So we’re scared. Hiding behind layers of security. We don’t talk to each other. That’s not the way to make a scientific breakthrough. We need to share information. We need to talk to each other, brainstorm with each other. Care about one another. We could fix Pangent. Change everything about it. We could accomplish great things. But we’re scared. Scared of what we could actually do. Lottie, there’s something you wrote for the personality test. Technology. Information wants to be free. And progress belongs to the people. Companies will keep their secrets. They’ll copyright anything they can. But they’ll market it and sell it and blow it up all over the place. Well, information gets out, one way or another. Once you invent something, you can’t uninvent it. Sometimes you have to be real careful with what you put out into the world. %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

We now come to the second Garfield Post, from http://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158944279592 This particular strip is from July 27, 1978, and while it may appear simple upon first glance, a deeper look into the strip may reveal many significant connections and an expansive depth of meaning which just might capture a glimpse of the divine. See here for just such an investigation (thanks Lasagna Cat!)

Decoding this strip in the same manner as the first, with the Vigenere key being the original text, we obtain more Letters which become digits, Panel 2’s result can be combined with the partial solution from panel 3 of the first strip to become:

109 101 100 105 097 032 053 056 112 107 100 051 056 104 051 100 100 053 051 053 100

media 58pkd38h3dd535d

(Panel 3 is separate and decodes to 'GRONSFELD!!’ which is another type of encoding, essentially a Vigenere cipher with a numeric keyword.)

Leading to http://www.mediafire.com/?58pkd38h3dd535d which contains a ZIP archive named withourterrors.zip containing a KCS-encoded audio file withouterrors.wav. (It is unclear why the archive filename is slightly different than the wav file name, but the difference leads to two possible interpretations of the filename: 'with our terrors’ or 'without errors’)

The Vigenere text here takes a new spin in that two known passwords are required for the keyword 'argentinamayorsassenheim’ is required to decode the text, which transcribes a conversation between Lottie and Leslie which reveals how strained their relationship has become, and ends in a rather shocking manner.

%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%% C: Drinking Bird update. Thirteen months without any significant incident. Lucky. I’ll raise a glass to that. The Cube has stabilized to a degree I wouldn’t have thought possible when we began studying it at the beginning of 2017. Reluctant as I am to admit it, Leslie Walsh (aka MayorSassenheim) is responsible for most of that. She’s written code that keeps the Cube stable without real peaks and valleys, and it seems the Cube is capable of learning from that. If I trusted her, I’d leave her to her work and be done with it. I wish I could do that. The situation would be simpler. Officially, I left Project 555 a long time ago. L: you pinged me why did you ping me C: I didn’t. I was talking about you. It must have pinged you automatically L: “Drinking Bird update” jesus lottie C: What? L: you shouldn’t even be doing this who is that even an update for C: For myself. L: of course C: talking to myself thinking about myself it’s what I’m good at. L: i didn’t say that. turn your mic on i’m switching to voice. C: Over a year without any kind of disaster. Leave me alone, I’m celebrating. L: You’re lurking. In the shadows of a project you were fired from how long ago? C: I can do what I want. L: Yeah, I think that’s actually your job title at this point right? Like we don’t know what to do with Lottie and we don’t want any trouble, so I guess Lottie does what she wants. C: Leslie, I’ve been avoiding this conversation for awhile, and I’ve thought long and hard about what to say. So, here it is. Fuck off and die, Leslie, and also fuck you. L: How’s the kid? C: Beautiful. She’s the sun and the moon and the sky and the stars. She’s about six full time jobs, but Eric helps. He’s not bad at the whole father thing. L: Good. I’m glad. I’d like to see her. C: I don’t think that’s a good idea. L: I wish you’d let me be a part of your life again. C: Well, shit happens. L: What was I supposed to do? C: The four of you stole the project out from under me. L: Is that what you think happened? C: And now he’s in charge of all of it. L: Officially, he always was. None of that changed. C: You took control of my work. L: And nobody died. Nobody got hurt. Like you said, nothing happened for thirteen months. What should I have done? Leave it all to him? Dammit Lottie, I did this for you. I worked myself to death on this project, just to make sure it wouldn’t kill anybody. C: It wasn’t your responsibility. It wasn’t your burden to take on. It’s mine. L: Well, shit happens. C: This project, it drains you, it changes you. You shouldn’t have had to deal with that. It’s wrong what you did, and it’s wrong what it did to you. To both of us. L: Lottie, I did my best. Under the circumstances I tried to do what you would do. In my head it’s like I was you. C: That’s ridiculous. For one thing you’re smarter than me. L: No, I’m not. My god, I’m not. C: You are. L: This is a weird thing to say, but like … do you ever feel like you’re in the wrong timeline? Like you’re in a science fiction book about, what if the Nazis won World War II or something? Sometimes it feels like, this wasn’t supposed to happen. Like everything is wrong. C: Yes. I do feel that way sometimes. I think it’s called depression. L: Why do you hate me? C: I don’t hate you. I don’t want to hate you. We were friends and I love you. L: Lottie. C: But we can’t even be friends now and it’s bullshit. It’s him. Alex. And Liam. On their own they’d be almost harmless. The two of them together, they amplify each other’s worst qualities. L: Oh believe me, I know. Multiplying and dividing by a pair of zeroes. C: God, them and every other asshole I had to deal with and still stay halfway sane. L: Project Four. C: Project fuckin Four! Working at Pangent, it’s poison. It poisoned you and it poisoned me. Maybe I do hate you, Leslie. I hate what you did. I hate that you did it better than I could have. L: I miss you. C: Don’t be dramatic. We were only friends to get back at him. L: We were friends because we were friends. C: You know what he said to me, a couple weeks before he took control of 555? He said, I know that you and Leslie will always be friends. Didn’t sound great, coming from him. I think somewhere inside me, I made my mind up to prove him wrong. L: We could have talked this out. Dammit, we were friends. We were supposed to protect each other. C: Whatever that was, that was a moment in time, and times change. You’re stuck in a moment and you think that moment will last forever. But really a moment only comes once. L: I saw you, poking around in the code. Like the whole entire time. You weren’t super subtle about it. Were you trying to get my attention? C: Probably. Yes. L: Alex saw it too, I’m sure he did. C: I don’t care. L: I mean like I kept him from seeing the last build you did. Well, the second to last build. You should really have hidden that better. C: I’m sure I don’t know what you’re talking about. L: He isn’t spying on this chatroom. C: You don’t know that. You fucked me over so many times. You let him in through every backdoor. L: I let him play. Like, I let the baby have his bottle. It was gonna be a fucked up situation either way. C: That doesn’t mean I can ever feel safe again. L: I get that. I’m sorry. C: You should be. I should be. There’s a lot of sorry to go around. L: You finished it, didn’t you? 555. That was supposed to be a final build. Then you erased it. C: I stopped it before it finished uploading. L: It was a finished build. C: Compiled without errors. L: I thought so. What would happen if we ran that code? C: I don’t know. It’s gone. Deleted. Forever. L: I have the partial upload. C: Of course you do. L: I saw you uploading. I mean I started downloading the minute the transfer started. And yeah, so it cuts off at a certain point. So I found the matching point in your previous build and put two and four together. C: See, this is why I can’t trust you. L: I mean I don’t know everything you changed in that build but like I figure it was all pretty top level stuff and bug fixes, whatever was left. My copy is spliced together, but do you think it’s identical to the build you deleted? C: I don’t know. L: It compiled without errors. C: Leslie, no. Oh, I can’t breathe. L: I’ll ask you again. What would happen if we ran that code? C: I don’t know. I don’t know if I want to know. It’s dangerous. L: Of course it is. I mean that’s been the whole problem from the start. C: Yes. L: You finished the code. All of it. And then you deleted it. C: Yes. L: Are you glad I kept the data? C: Yes. God, I’m actually shaking. I hope he’s not listening to this. L: So, what do we do from here? C: I don’t know. Leslie, I’m sorry for not talking to you like a human being for so long. I didn’t know what to say and after awhile, it was just … I put it off too long. L: Not too proud of any of this myself. For reals we’ve both got a lot to pologize for. C: There’s a lot of sorry to go around. L: Yeah but like, I’d like to see you. You, with Eric, and Rachel, and Sharon too. C: Who is Sharon? %%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%%

!! shocking !!

The third Garfield comic post is here: http://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158944845847 and depicts Odie’s first appearance in the strip on August 8, 1978.

For this comic, the text is all treated as one code such that the encrypted text:

NVCHAWJLLYOXNEYNTHIRNNSDRTJJSIWOZLYCIBPHHLREFXYVQLICTGZUAWSEZNAFSMHIYBQATBNLHOXQAAETIGXNEWDIUEJSENOTHXAFAMAHFRLJPAXQLAFSLYLDWSEHLEWSEHIVTHBVAPTBPWKAVECHKXNMAUITHG

decoded with key: isthatallyouhavetheonesuitcasenotexactlyhereboyohlawseylawseylawsey

decodes to:

FDJAADJAAAADGEDJAAEDAJAJJAHJAEJAGHBCGIEJAHAAEJAHJAIGBCBJAAAABCAJAIJAGIJAABCAJADJAFAABCJAAEJABCJAAAAADAADHBCABAHIBCJJAAJAHAA DAAAJAEAAAJADAABCAEIDBCDAAAJAGJAIIAAAFG

decodes to: 640114011114754011541010018015017823795018115018019723201111231019017901123101401611230115012301111141148231218923001101811 411101511101411231594234111017019911167

spaced according to the spacing in the edited comic, then reversed:

76 111 99 107 101 114 32 49 51 32 114 101 115 101 114 118 101 100 32 98 121 32 84 114 111 110 32 105 110 32 116 104 101 32 110 97 109 101 32 111 102 32 79 108 105 118 105 97 32 87 105 108 100 101 45 110 45 74 111 104 110 46

decimal ASCII decoded to:

Locker 13 reserved by Tron in the name of Olivia Wilde-n-John.

The fourth Garfield comic celebrates the Monday-hating cat’s love of Lasagna:

NPNUSTYOBAABMXJGKORDINERYFHUHTUMSTVANCIRMEAACYABOUXWATASGTVOSTPFTFNCBOOULUASBINJIPSUXTYPWAAVIAAHGPSDRNARHCDTFORISYUCWCEMVCYAZEIBUVVNBTBZFUVXSTYEYFEFTFOXDPASAPNDIMKWTXGRVTDVERJGKXRLQNARDI

with code imjustyouraverageordinarycatforinstanceimcrazyaboutnaturesmostperfectfoodlasagna

decodes to:

fdeaaaaahjagigjagaaaaaeaadhbcfdefbcaaaejacjadaaaaaejaagbcbjaaaabcajaijagijaabcajadjafaabcjaaejabcbbajaaajadaaaaafgbcjaaejahaagiagbcabahibcjjaajahaadaaajaeaaajadaabcbeidbcdaaajagjaiiaaafg

decodes to:

645111118017970171111151148236456231115013014111115011723201111231019017901123101401611230115012322101110141111167230115018117917231218923001101811411101511101411232594234111017019911167

reversed and spaced as in the edited post:

76 111 99 107 101 114 32 49 52 32 114 101 115 101 114 118 101 100 32 98 121 32 71 97 118 105 110 32 76 111 114 101 110 122 32 105 110 32 116 104 101 32 110 97 109 101 32 111 102 32 71 105 111 114 103 105 111 32 65 46 32 84 115 111 117 107 97 108 111 115 46

Locker 14 reserved by Gavin Lorenz in the name of Giorgio A. Tsoukalos.

The fifth comic posted is the first parts of a 1989 late October series of strips placing Garfield into a distinctly terrifying situation.

http://pangenttechnologies.tumblr.com/post/158946474637

GU RAT HFR EBA LQI SUI NHE RK UJ RSM OAN LNG CP HCA TNE VRE ZK OU BCI ONT IK SMO MBN ZN NEL MK KNM BQO RET PD NCO RCI OW NH RR TW FRE AWY JXD GN PO EJM HT PP NHO UQA CEN RID EJH SWA LXN HYO VC TI OD SH LEL DKR XAT PM RES FI

with key: BRRR THERE’S A CHILL IN HERE THIS MORNING WHAT AN EERIE SENSATION THIS DOESN’T FEEL LIKE MY HOME TO BE CONTINUED JON ODIE ANYBODY HOME I’M ALONE YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW ALONE YOU ARE GARFIELD

decodes to:

FD AJA ABA AJA JJA HJA AAA AG BC JAA AJA DAA GI HJA GJA EJA HG BC BJA AAA BC AJA IJA GI JAA BC AJA DJA FAA BC JAA EJA BC JE ID GI CJA AJA IJA IG BC ABA HI BC JJA AJA HAA DAA AJA EAA AJA DAA BC CE ID BC DAA AJA GJA II AAA FG

decoded and reversed:

76 111 99 107 101 114 32 49 53 32 114 101 115 101 114 118 101 100 32 98 121 32 79 109 101 103 97 49 50 32 105 110 32 116 104 101 32 110 97 109 101 32 111 102 32 78 105 107 108 97 114 101 110 32 71 111 108 100 101 121 101 46

ASCII decimal for:

Locker 15 reserved by Omega12 in the name of Niklaren Goldeye.

Bringing us up to 15 of the 54 lockers reserved, and leaving us wondering at Sharon’s fate as we work to 'unlock the pigs’ a long-standing goal that is appearing to grow in significance and importance, and possibly risk.

[awkwardlyamusing-blog]

TV show where boisterous toddlers are trained like pooches using clicker training, doggy ‘tapas’ and treats sparks row – The Sun

New Post has been published on http://doggietrainingclasses.com/tv-show-where-boisterous-toddlers-are-trained-like-pooches-using-clicker-training-doggy-tapas-and-treats-sparks-row-the-sun/

TV show where boisterous toddlers are trained like pooches using clicker training, doggy ‘tapas’ and treats sparks row – The Sun

HAPPY Greydon gets a treat and told he is a good boy after finally obeying his commands.

Training has been meticulous. Each time the little fella plays up, he is moved to a different room and given a toy.

13

Channel 4’s new show Train Your Baby Like A Dog follows Jo-Rosie as she teaches parents how to utilise her unusual toddler training methodsCredit: CHANNEL 4 PICTURE PUBLIC

After three years of boisterous behaviour, his owners’ home has been transformed into an oasis of calm by Jo-Rosie Haffenden.

She has been training animals for years and knows exactly how to handle difficult cases.

If Greydon had a tail he would probably wag it. But no, this is a feisty toddler whose parents have turned to a controversial new tactic where kids are trained like dogs so mums and dads can reclaim control.

It’s the focus of a Channel 4 show called Train Your Baby Like A Dog, on tomorrow at 8pm.

13

We see Greydon receive treats when he follows commands, and tears when he doesn’tCredit: Chan

Canine training methods used, such as clicker training, doggy “tapas” and other techniques, have already attracted criticism, though.

Campaigners claim it dehumanises children and already, with the programme yet to air, more than 20,000 people have signed a petition demanding its cancellation.

Some even claim the techniques could aid paedophiles.

Charity Autistic Inclusive Meets, which started the petition, said: “The children are shown no dignity or respect in clicker training behaviourism.

13

Another scene shows scene Jo-Rosie ‘training’ her dog and her son at the same timeCredit: Channel 4

13

Upon command, her son sits down and is rewarded with a treat alongside a brown cocker spaniel behaving the same wayCredit: Channel 4

“They will be a prime target for grooming in the future as they will have been taught to comply to an adult’s demands, regardless of their own comfort.”

Jo-Rosie’s training methods turn traditional parenting on its head and use animal behaviour to explain how kids act.

In the hour-long show, she works with two children, three-year-old Greydon and Dulcie, 18 months.

Jo-Rosie puts them through a series of tests alongside her dog Tango, who is trained to deal with children.

13

Jo-Rosie says she turned to controversial techniques as traditional parenting tactics were just not working for herCredit: CHANNEL 4 PICTURE PUBLIC

At one point, Dulcie is rewarded with chocolate for being calm when she enters and leaves her bath.

Her own son Santino, three, also features and in one scene Jo-Rosie shouts: “Santino, down!” before the boy sits on the floor with her dogs.

The lad is also seen sitting like a dog and being rewarded with a treat alongside a brown cocker spaniel behaving the same way.

Jo-Rosie started using her pup-training techniques after she found traditional parenting tactics were not working.

13

She says ‘if everybody parented their child the same way we did our dogs, then we would end up with much more confident, compassionate and curious human beings’Credit: CHANNEL 4 PICTURE PUBLIC

As the show opens, she says: “If everybody parented their child the same way we did our dogs, then we would end up with much more confident, compassionate and curious human beings.

“Kids are a lot more like dogs than people like to think.

“When we first had Santino, we tried to use the traditional parenting stuff because that’s what you do.

“But a lot of the methods didn’t make any sense. I think then it really hit home that I had something better.

13

According to her, animals and young kids learn along the same basic principlesCredit: Channel 4

“Animals learn according to all the same basic principles. If an animal does something and the consequence is good, they are more likely to do it again.

“I don’t understand why we haven’t been applying animal techniques to kids universally. It’s kinder and more effective than most of the parenting methods.

“I’m massively putting my neck on the line but I believe in the concept. I believe this will work.”

Her tactics have been compared to Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA), which was used to teach children, including those with autism, to behave “properly” through disregarding their emotions and conditioning them to behave.

13

Jo-Rosie’s techniques have been compared to ABA which teaches kids to behave ‘properly’ by disregarding their emotions and conditioning them to behaveCredit: Channel 4

But a US study published in Advances In Autism journal found the method led to 46 per cent of those who went through ABA having diagnosable post-traumatic stress disorder.

Parenting coach Elizabeth O’Shea, of Parent 4 Success, does not believe the show’s methods will work.

She said: “I think that much of helping children behave well is based on having a really good relationship with them and that is not dog training.

“The dog may want to please the owner through getting a treat but the relationship is fundamental.

13

Elizabeth O’Shea criticised her methods as she believes that ‘helping children behave well is based on having a really good relationship with them’

“It is important to set boundaries for children and use positive reinforcement.

“But it’s not about giving doggy treats for children doing something well. It will work in the short term if you reward the child with treats. As soon as the treats stop, so will the behaviour.

“I’ve never heard of clicker training being a reliable way to teach a child. It isn’t how humans operate and it isn’t how children learn how to deal well with the world.”

Her view is backed up by fellow parenting coach Sarah Webb, from Purple Parenting.

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Sarah Webb backed Elizabeth as she feels ‘clicker training isn’t something we would ever associate with children’Credit: Channel 4

She said: “I haven’t seen the programme but from what I have heard it doesn’t sound ideal.

“Clicker training isn’t how we would want to work with families who are experiencing challenging behaviours.

“We would work with them by providing reassurance and building a positive relationship between the parent and child.

“Clicker training isn’t something we would ever associate with children. It’s not about training a child, it’s about building a positive relationship.”

Jo-Rosie’s tactics

Puppy proof: Clearing the main space the child or dog will be in of items they are NOT allowed to have.

Instead, items they CAN touch are put in reach for them to play with. This removes the stress of having to be constantly vigilant.

In the show, Greydon’s parents remove all the things such as skateboards from the living room and make sure there are plenty of child-friendly toys around on lower shelves.

Jo-Rosie says: “It’s setting the environment up so the animal can succeed and you as the primary care-giver can relax.”

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One of Jo-Rosie’s techniques involves using the ladder of aggression – identify the signs that lead to bad behaviour so you can intervene before it turns into a tantrumCredit: Getty

Ladder of aggression: Maps out a pup’s changes in behaviour ahead of aggression. It can be as simple as a nose lick or taking things the dog shouldn’t have.

These signs lead to the worst behaviour the dog can manage. With children, it involves spotting behaviour that leads to a tantrum, such as raised voices.

When Greydon’s parents see a frown or hear him raise his voice, they try to defuse the situation before a tantrum starts.

Jo-Rosie says: “It allows you to look through a little crystal ball where you can see what’s about to happen.”

Engagement: Children, like dogs, need to have interaction. When kids are acting up you should give them something child-appropriate to focus their energy on.

Another option is to change the environment the child is in, which will stop them getting angry and prevent outbursts.

When Greydon gets agitated, the parents change his environment. His dad takes him outside to pretend to ride a bike.

Jo-Rosie says: “When they don’t get that engagement they need, they become very frustrated. It’s exactly the same with a dog.”

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‘Children, like dogs, need to have interaction’ so she advises changing the environment the child is inCredit: Getty

Doggy tapas: The food a puppy eats is essential for them to get a good night’s sleep and it is the same for children.

Eating the same thing every night can lead to boredom, poor nutrition and being unfulfilled. Children should be given options. It is a way of stimulating their mind and helps them relax.

In the show, Dulcie is given several options for eating – including cheese and banana – at different points so she is not overwhelmed by the amount of food.

Jo-Rosie says: “Getting that last meal right before bed is key to the sleep routine.”

Clicker training: Used to reinforce the behaviour being shown is what is acceptable. Good behaviour gets a click and a reward, often food.

It uses positive reinforcement to show what is acceptable, which encourages dogs and children to behave that way again.

For children, this can be used to create a positive association with things they dislike, such as bedtime or baths.

Jo-Rosie says: “It’s a way of pinpointing that is the right thing you’ve done and now you’re going to get some reinforcement.”

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Jo-Rosie also recommends ‘puppy proofing’ the house so that children (and dogs) can’t get a hold of anything they aren’t supposed to haveCredit: Getty

Safety reinforcing: Animals will only go to sleep if they feel safe. Lavender can help calm the system. For babies and dogs it can be rubbed on to a toy.

Parents should reassure their child that they are there when they put them to bed. If they become distressed they should be reassured with cuddles until they are asleep.

Dulcie is comforted by her mum and is asleep within half an hour.

Jo-Rosie says: “When an animal doesn’t feel safe, all they’re doing is deciding if they should run away or confront the frightening things. We have to show them they are safe.”

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Hide and seek: The animal has to find something, which is an achievement. They bring it to the owner for added engagement and positive reinforcement.

This can be used with children to help them play happily by themselves. Greydon’s parents use a timer to send him off to do tasks such as finding all the cars with a particular number on.

Jo-Rosie says: “Training an animal to be happy and relaxed on their own is a process that starts with security. You have to really reassure that animal their primary care-giver is going to come back.”

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