#she’s a bit horrible sometimes but yk aren’t we all?

[booplesnotts-art]

Hetty Woodstone, my beloved 😌🖤

Any cbs ghosts fans here👀👀

[bisluthq]

I’ll start this off with some disclaimers. Maybe I’m rewriting history, maybe I’m too cynical, maybe I’m forgetting all the good stuff. We’ve talked about some relationships being good until they’re not. But the more I learn about Joe and Taylor, the more I wonder if it was ever that good. All couples fight and have rough patches but they shouldn’t happen that often.

Taylor’s songs about Joe, from what I remember right now but it could be confirmation bias, were about how hot he is, how smart he is, how much better he is than her, how he’s above everything. And honestly looking back that doesn’t sound that good? We don’t really have any bits of her sharing things he did for her other than being with her when she felt no one else would. Something I noticed while they were together and that I just keep coming back to is the jealousy themes and the communication issues. I believe the base of a relationship is trust and communication so those were always red flags to me, but she said she was happy and I chose to believe they had worked those things out. But it all doesn’t sound that good now.

Sometimes you’re compatible with someone until you aren’t. But were they ever that compatible?

They met when Taylor was in a bad place, they got together when she was in an even worse place. She run away with him. She saw him as her savior, the only person who didn’t judge her at the time, the only person willing to stay with her. But was that ever that healthy of a dynamic? Everyone thinks their partner is the best, but it should be based on more than what it seems like it was based here.

After that we get 2017-2018, when they had some issues according to Lover. How long those issues lasted I don’t know, but there were issues. Things seemingly got better in 2019 and then in 2020 they were stuck together, and bonded over music. But at this point it seems like it prolonged a relationship that would’ve lasted a lot less. Now we get to 2021, they spent most of that year in Ireland, then he went to Panama and by December she was writing you’re losing me. You don’t get to that point in a couple of weeks, that must have been brewing.

We get to midnights, where she gets back to “I’ve been under scrutiny, you handle it beautifully” which is that dynamic I talked about before. But then also “I just wanna stay in that lavender haze”, which now hits different (no pun intended).

Looking at a lot of the themes of the past few albums doesn’t help, and Midnights is a lot of looking back at past relationships and maybe learning from them.

I don’t know if I’m making any sense and it could be a massive overreaction but the more I look at this relationship the more it looks like it was never that good or healthy.

If the songs that, in my opinion, have red flags are what she released and she was keeping things like you’re losing me, who knows how much else she was keeping.

This is not me saying Joe was a horrible boyfriend, but I don’t actually know if the relationship was good for either of them.

It’s like she had him in a pedestal because of the events of 2016 and then a lot of it was her trying to be good enough for him and trying her hardest to make it all work. But I think a lot of it was just based on lust and passion, and I think a lot of it was Taylor gaslighting herself into thinking this relationship was better than it was.

some valid thoughts in this for sure 🤷🏻‍♀️ The trust and communication were issues from her Rep songs onwards really so yeah you’ve made some valid points here. It’s impossible to know if they’d have worked stuff out differently without the pandemic or whatever.

But I do think there was a lot of love there for a long time and then yk there wasn’t and that’s when it was time to make like Elsa and let it go.

[twopoppies]

Firstly No pressure to read any of the below it’s just a lil rant after I ended up on the wrong side of tumblr!! ( + I have ADHD and i forgot my meds lol so its a bit disoriented and all over the place) and no response necessary unless you want to!

Oh god I accidentally ended up on the wrong side of tumblr....never ever ever ever again, I went back so fastttt lol im laughing at myself rn for how quickly i clicked away from disgust

i ended up on a blog that stalks u and some other larries and says absolutely atrocious things abt louis (I can send u their @ if u'd like so u can block them) and fully bought the stunt bs happening rn and it was horrible obvs but like i just do not understand like it was so creepy gina and im just so disgusted bc why? yk?

like u were not joking abt anti's actually being obsessed with larries - like half this person's blog was talking abt you and amy and i was just so shocked cause why??? like mate come on what the actual f? get a life please?? (im quite new so im like just now realising how insanely weird and obsessed these anti's are)

Also it was just an overall eye opener for multiple things:

Starting with that 1. the way 1DHQ and 1D Management managed to alienate larries actually worked and i like knew but truly doing a proper deep dive and seeing multiple blogs hate on larries and like obsessively stalk us was insane?? Like they truly believe everything they’re being fed???

Side Note: Lowkey feeling very lucky to have had the education i have because even before i even joined this fandom i believed partially none of the relationships in the news bc like i knew abt this industry and how it worked yk? i mean its logic? i have so many mates that arent even in the fandom that know i am in the fandom and texted me when the articles started rolling out calling it out for what it was: A PR stunt

Hell someone i know whom i had never even talked abt fandom stuff/stunt stuff fully texted me making a joke out of it!!! like people who aren’t even in our fandom can see it and its just insanely surprising that if they can why cant the antis?? im just a bit shocked rn

both from 1. finding someone who actually believes in this stunt and 2. multiple blogs that fully commit their time to stalking u and other larries and once again i knew but fully seeing it

YK AT FIRST I WAS LIKE IS THIS A JOKE I DIDNT BELIEVE IT GINA I THOUGHT SOMEONE WAS PULLING MY LEG OR THIS PERSON WAS IDK BEING SARCASTIC AND HAD A MESSED UP SENSE OF HUMOUR but ye anyway

It made me realise that 1DHQ knew what the fuck they were doing when they were trying to alienate larries from the rest of the fandom, once again i am feeling extraordinarily grateful to have grown up with an education where i was literally taught to never trust anything and to always think things thru using logic - “does it makes sense to you? if not find out why, there usually a reason behind everything” my yr 9 english teacher used to say smth like that all the time and it just never left me bc she was always teaching us to judge everything and to take every piece of news we read entertainment or otherwise with a grain of salt and to always if we’re gonna give someone else our opinion or spread this information do our research (its what i am when i say i feel lucky to have had the education i have had)

Eye Opener 2: Anti’s are fully standing y’all u were 100% correct this is some next level stan behaviour if i’ve ever seen some, you’re famous gina!!

It is while surprisingly to realise that anti’s fully believe these things, more surprising to see how they treat larries bc why on earth would u treat any other human being this way??? like dont get me wrong they’re horrible ppl and i fully felt like sending them a message telling them exactly that but i would never bc i just dont want to make another person feel bad abt themselves even if they are that shitty of a person and it was very tempting

I just would like to understand why they feel the need to do this? like why hate on a whole other person? for what believing smth diff to u? having a difference of opinion? how tf are they gonna make it when they get a job??? like??? do u know how often i run into a person with a different opinion then me? it shouldn’t be that big of a deal! we should still be able to be friends with antis! but we’re not - not for lack of trying btw!! they’re just so mean and rude??? when i was in other fandoms when someone believed different things there was never this much hatred at someone for it!! hell there was barely any bc it was understood that it was normal to have diff opinions abt things and i just am truly fascinated by these ppl i swear they remind how stupid the human race can sometimes be not for what they believe (altho ngl a lil of that too) but for how they treat other ACTUAL human beings with different opinions to them

Eye Opener 2.5: Some people need lives, man like they proper do need lives and something to do maybe a hobby or smth? just like a life they need to get one of those and actual live it

and Eye Opener 3: I already felt this way but like even god damn stronger now you deserve a formal apology from both 1DHQ and the universe

and until we get that u deserve amazing things coming from the boys on your bdays to make up for it

Lastly Gina I hope you didn't read thru all that bc I couldn’t even read it over and thus sorry for any grammar/spelling mistakes and I would also like to say that I love your blog and everything about you! you’re an absolute angel and one of the kindest ppl I have ever had the pleasure of well not meeting but stumbling across, you truly make this fandom a much much much better place with your presence (I shudder to think of it without u) that said if you ever need to take breaks or leave Im sure you already know but you should 100%

You first!!! Always! :)

Have a good day Gina, I hope its an absolutely amazing one!

Hi darling. LOL! Reading this was like talking with my kids when they don't take their ADHD meds. Lots of excited thoughts!! I loved it.

And yeah, that blog and their 4 followers are really... not well. But you're very right. 1DHQ made this fandom a breeding ground for people to hate larries and to think it's something Harry and Louis would both approve of. It's gross.

The gaslighting here is powerful, so thank goodness for fans like you who know to question what they're told and to look at things with logic and to do their best to see through their own biases.

Thank you for all the sweet words and your offer to kick butt (in your other message). I really appreciate it!

[isasodas]

( amanda arcuri | she/her | demigirl ) hey, you hear wannabe by why mona playing over on the 1st floor? that’s where isa sosa lives! i heard they moved in from red cloud, nebraska exactly four days ago. they’re very intuitive but also pretty blunt. maybe that’s why davie keeps calling them the occultist. starlit is full of people, but this twenty year old is really going to liven things up around here! ( nomi | twenty one | she/her | est )

ayo everybody it’s ya girl nomi coming at you a second time with my chaotic bby isa! i love her and i rarely get the chance to play her so i’m honestly hype. down bellow is the nitty gritty about her! please give this post a like and i’ll slide into your dms, but tbh i’ll probably do that anyways skjdsjk

SHORT BIO isa’s actual bio is long as hell and also in a really weird format idk why I did that to myself but anyways here is the short form

isa lived in a small town in nebraska pretty much all her life. she was raised by her (horrible, neglectful) mother alone until she was six and her mother abandoned her. she was then taken by the police and given to her grandmother because her father has never been in the picture

her aunts and grandma literally never knew who this man (her father) was either??? like literally no one knew who he was and everyone was honestly convinced that even isa’s mom didn’t know for sure either if you know what i mean like? isa still doesn’t know who this man is until this day and tbh she doesn’t really care

isa was taken in by her grandmother (gemini or gem for short) and aunts ( persephone and venus) and pretty much raised by the three women above their family shop 

the sosa’s owned a fortune telling shop that also sold new age merchandise like crystals and talismans etc. isa actually comes from a family of ‘psychics’ (like her aunts are fortune tellers, her grandma was one, her great grandma was one, etc. the only one who really broke the pattern was isa’s mother) so she was always kinda surrounded by weird things and told weird things.

she worked front desk at her family shop since she was about six and would honestly probably still be working there if she didn’t move. was the worlds worst receptionist for years. 

anyways isa was bullied pretty heavily during school when she was younger because she was different. she didn’t really act or dress like the other kids did so they picked on her until isa basically put a stop to that by pretending to cast a spell on a girl who was bullying her. she used pigs blood that her grandmother helped her get from the butcher (her grandmother actually helped her come up with the fake spell if that tells you anything about their family) and some really impressive acting for an eight year old in her little performance so yeah people left her alone after that pretty much for the rest of her school career. she probably traumatised that little girl a bit too big rip

so yeah isa never really had many friends through school, a bit of a social pariah, you know how it goes uNTIL she left nebraska and made some of her closest friends, but i am waiting for said friends before i write up how she met all of them!

before finding her little crew isa’s closest confidant was actually her grandmother growing up. isa still calls her often to let her know what she’s up too. she’s one of the few people who completely understands isa in and out

isa ended up leaving nebraska for art school on a scholarship she never in her wildest dreams imagined she’d get. while she was in art school she was working as a personal assistant for a billionaire art curator who was a dick tbbh i’m not going to even lie. he was horrible to isa and everyone else, cheated people out of their money, stole art, took from charities, the whole lot of it so isa started a plot with some of her friends to rob the asshole blind, and that’s exactly what they did. now they’re here at starlit a few million dollars richer and trying to lay low. isa honestly is no stranger to stealing, honestly she’s a bit of a klepto, but this is the biggest robbery she’s ever done. she’s not particularly nervous about getting caught because they did cover their tracks really well so she’s kind of treating this like a little vacation even though she shouldn’t smh

CLIFFNOTES

born io salma sosa (yes she was named after the moon)! has gone by isa since her aunt gave her the nickname as a kid though. uses she/her pronouns although she doesn’t fully identify as a girl.

Isa true love is art. you can pretty much consistently catch her doodling. 

Speaking of doodling, lets talk about doodling on things you shouldn’t (what a smooth transition amiright), Isa is lowkey a graffiti artist. She’s one of those people who thinks that art shouldn’t be contained and that it should be free, so she tends to spray paint and draw everywhere. She has yet to get caught but not from lack of trying on the police’s part. Isa tends to cause a fuss wherever she goes with her graffiti considering that Isa’s art tends to be creepy to say the least (she tends to go for the gory and freaky over the pretty) and people tend to take pictures of it, put it on instagram and twitter and the like. Isa’s actually made quite a name for herself in the online community, with people commenting on her art and discussing it (kind of like banksy but nowhere near as big). They tend to refer to her by a few different names (scythe, tweek, creep, etc) and they have really yet to decide on one. Isa, being the troll she is, occassionally joins the online debates for fun (if you were wondering, Creep is her favourite)

Like I said, Isa is a bit of kleptomaniac (she used to steal out of necessity, and she still kind of does when necesarry (although she won’t have to as much now considering she’s Rich), but sometimes she also does it for fun), and she doesn’t actually have the healthiest relationship with her emotions (which is what tends to happen when you know, trauma happens) but like catch this girl at therapy over her Cold Dead Body, she’ll die before talking about her feelings she really will

Like I said earlier, the Sosa family are psychics and sell new age retail (you name it they have it and they’ll at least try to con you into buying it.) that said, honestly, they aren’t real psychics. One of Isa’s aunts knows she isn’t and has gone full con artist with the whole thing, and the other thinks she can really see and sense the future which is just a whole other thing but ANYWAY isa is kind of in between them. she doesn’t fully believe in everything but she will charge you a twenty to read your aura yk

apparently chaotic evil according to a test i did one time so there’s that. also an aquarius

has the emotional range of captain holt but like if captain holt was a tiny latina yk

also only 4″11?? not even five foot?? amanda arcuri is tiny af y’all

fun facts: loves aliens, is bi as hell, is also a vegan, very liberal as you might guess, has picnics in cemeteries and might lowkey seem kind of emotionless but i promise she wants to be your friend so please hmu if you wanna plot, although knowing me i might just hit you up first

WANTED CONNECTIONS ;

exes (maybe a past hookup that’s kind of like a ?? what are you doing here situation? also maybe even a full on we dated and broke up what are you doing here situation. i haven’t settled on where isa lived after nebraska and prior to living here so this is open to everybody because isadora sosa (not her name but dfmdf) is bi as hell send tweet

a Muse (someone who  isa kind of makes isa itch for a pen yk? isa could be secretly drawing them from afar while she’s bored at the hotel.)

party friend (isa likes to party a lot more than most would expect so if anyone wants to get high and host parties in the hotel room with isa or even go out dancing with her she’s down) cliff, abba

enemies (someone who hates isa that isa is just kind of ??? about because isa doesn’t understand conflict a lot of the time tbh)

someone for isa to influence i guess?? isa kind of tends to be on the morally grey side a lot of the time sO KJDJKD if anyone wants to allow isa to drag their muse into some shady situations step right up elsie

partner in crime (isa’s already got her girls but i figure this person specifically will sneak out of the hotel with isa at night and help her tag maybe? maybe this person is a fan of isa’s online graffiti personality?? idk i feel like this could be fun) malia

fwbs, neighbours, and anything else under the sun i’m hype.

[roseskulls]

isa’s actual bio is long as hell and also in a really weird format idk why I did that to myself but anyways here is the quick and dirty of it! also here is her pinterest board.

isa lived in a small town in nebraska pretty much all her life until she came to lockland. she was raised by her (horrible, neglectful) mother alone until she was six and her mother abandoned her. isa’s mother was the type to ignore isa when it suited her, leave her by herself for days or weeks when she decided she didn’t want to be around her anymore, leave her with pretty much nothing to eat and a eviction notice on the door until she decided to waltz back in. isa didn’t know why her mother never loved her, she didn’t know what she did wrong, but eventually her mother just stopped coming back and isa was taken by the police and given to her grandmother because her father has never been in the picture

her aunts and grandma literally never knew who this man (her father) was either??? like literally no one knew who he was and everyone was honestly convinced that even isa’s mom didn’t know for sure either if you know what i mean (she was a bit of a hoe tbh). i have a headcannon that he’s a rich guy, like Hella rich guy but he doesn’t even know isa exists tbh, he thought her mother got an abortion and isa has never met him. also on that note, isa’s mother left her and started a brand spankin��� new family in the surburbs. she’s married and has two beautiful children. isa found out around the time she was sixteen and just,,, some part of her froze over i’m not gonna lie. because apparently that horrible woman was capable of love, just not love for her. 

isa was taken in by her grandmother (gemini or gem for short) and aunts ( persephone and venus) and pretty much raised by the three women above their family shop. her aunts and grandmother were pretty much the only people who understood her

the sosa’s owned a fortune telling shop that also sold new age merchandise like crystals and talismans etc. isa actually comes from a family of ‘psychics’ (like her aunts are fortune tellers, her grandma was one, her great grandma was one, etc. the only one who really broke the pattern was isa’s mother) so she was always kinda surrounded by weird things and told weird things.

she worked front desk at her family shop since she was about six (kinda illegal but yk dkjdskj) and was the worlds worst receptionist for years and may still be (she might be working for a cousins new age shop here in lockwood maybe folks because i love that for her) for a while was  the world’s worst secretary too. after she graduated high school she worked for an actual businessman who owned an art exhibit and was a major douche canoe. he literally was the worst person, cheating people out of their art, being an asshole, hitting on isa inappropriately multiple times. she hated him with a burning passion, so she broke into his house, stole a bunch of his shit, and decided to move cross country in an rv to leave the scene of the crime. she just enrolled in uni for art last semester because of that, like she stopped in lockwood, figured it’d be as good a place as any to lay low for a while and figured she finally might try the secondary education thing because hey now with all this stolen money she can afford it. she’s kinda always lowkey on guard and dodging the cops but she’s mostly sure she’s not gonna get caught at this point. tbh isa has little fear of the police, more on that later folks. 

anyways isa was bullied pretty heavily during school when she was younger because she was different. she didn’t really act or dress like the other kids did so they picked on her until isa basically put a stop to that by pretending to cast a spell on a girl who was bullying her. she used pigs blood (that her grandma brought her to their local butcher to get, we love a supportive family) and some really impressive acting for an eight year old in her little performance (her grandma and aunts also helped her come up with the spell for that if that gives you any idea of what kind of family they were sdkjds) so yeah people left her alone after that pretty much for the rest of her school career.

so yeah never really had many friends through school, a bit of a social pariah, you know how it goes

isa’s closest confidant was actually her grandmother growing up and she died a couple of years ago. it hit isa really hard. she didn’t cry at the funeral, and she hasn’t really cried since, and??? you’d never be able to tell because isa doesn’t really Emote but she’s kinda wondering wtf is wrong with her at this point

isa is absolutely planning to reunite with her aunts as soon as things die down. she’s just temporarily in lockwood until the police officially close the case. 

CLIFFNOTES

born io salma sosa! has gone by isa since her aunt venus gave her the nickname as a kid though. uses she/her pronouns although she doesn’t fully identify as a girl.

Isa true love is art. she sells her art and you can pretty much consistently catch her doodling. she’ll draw these kiddos and give them little doodles of themselves.

Speaking of doodling, lets talk about doodling on things you shouldn’t (what a smooth transition amiright), Isa is lowkey a graffiti artist. She’s one of those people who thinks that art shouldn’t be contained and that it should be free, so she tends to spray paint and draw everywhere. She has yet to get caught, but she has probably caused a bit of a fuss around town considering that Isa’s art tends to be creepy to say the least. She tends to go for the gory and freaky over the pretty. and recently since moving to a bigger city than small town nebraska people actually care? like people tend to take pictures of it, put it on instagram and twitter and the like. Isa’s actually made quite a name for herself in the online community, with people commenting on her art and discussing it (kind of like banksy but nowhere near as big). They tend to refer to her by a few different names (scythe, tweek, creep, etc) and they have really yet to decide on one. Isa, being the troll she is, occasionally joins the online debates for fun (if you were wondering, Creep is her favourite)

Honestly Isa is a bit of kleptomaniac as well (she used to steal out of necessity (so she’d have clothes without holes in them or art supplies yk, and she still kind of does that, but sometimes she also does it for fun), and she doesn’t actually have the healthiest relationship with her emotions (which is what tends to happen when you know, trauma happens shout out to her mother) but like catch this girl at therapy over her Cold Dead Body, she’ll die before talking about her feelings she really will

Like I said earlier, the Sosa family are psychics and sell new age retail (you name it they have it and they’ll at least try to con you into buying it.) that said, honestly, they aren’t real psychics. One of Isa’s aunts (Venus or Aunt V) knows she isn’t and has gone full con artist with the whole thing, and the other (Persephone or Aunt Percy) thinks she can really see and sense the future which is just a whole other thing but ANYWAY isa is kind of in between them. she doesn’t fully believe in everything but she will charge you a twenty to read your aura yk

apparently chaotic evil according to a test i did one time so there’s that. also an aquarius

has the emotional range of captain holt but like if captain holt was a tiny latina yk

also only 4″11?? not even five foot?? amanda arcuri is tiny af y’all

fun facts: loves aliens, is bi as hell, is also a vegan, very liberal as you might guess, has picnics in cemeteries and might lowkey seem kind of emotionless but i promise she wants to be your friend. truly doesn’t have a mean bone in her body, just likes to mess with people. 

WANTED CONNECTIONS ;

exes 

friends 

a muse (someone who lets isa draw them all the time tbh)

party friend (someone who will go clubbing and drinking with isa, a true ride or die who’ll help her try to break into area 51)

enemies (someone who hates isa that isa is just kind of ??? about because isa doesn’t understand conflict a lot of the time tbh)

[sunflowerstationary]

Dearest darlingest Ivy,

Finally replying to this, oops.

The new tag is "you are the reason that i'm smiling when there is nothing to smile about", because that line always makes me think of you (lyrics from the Front Bottoms song "Peach") Dw about it being long, it will pop up when you start typing it :L

I haven't typed anything huge and long on tumblr in a while and I guess with the new phone, since it barely ever crashes I got cocky. I forgot this app is just generally shit and not only because my old phone didn't have enough space to run it lol RIP me.

Oh well.

I know it's ok to bomb my first driving test but like... I just... want it to be done with ;_; I really do not want to have to repeat it, if only because it will be hell on my nerves.

Guess I just need to schedule it and then practice my face off until then. SIGH.

I feel for you so much about the kitties. I felt like the worst cat mom in the fucking world not seeing him every day, and now I get to spoil him with treats and bits of my buttery spaghetti and he has a nice fluffy bed to sleep on that's right next to my head in our bed. And re: having nowhere to sit, GOD OMG I KNOW. We don't really have anything to sit on here either. Idk if you noticed when you were in here but there's like no furniture except the two couches that were left here by the last people, and no carpet in any of the rooms.

For a while I was rolling out a yoga mat and just sprawling on that in the computer room while Steve played his game, but now I mostly just grab a blanket to cushion the chair.

The not knowing who's going to be home thing sounds like the story of my life :/ I'm glad I don't have to worry about that anymore, but I'm sorry you do. I wish that you could move out and say fuck it all. Is Kevin working still?

It's nice that there's three of them. Like you said, they can keep each other company... especially Cali and Sandstorm, since they're so close. I'm a little worried that Scrap is lonely here. I mean, he gets lots of attention, but he's used to having other animals around.

Steve has mentioned a few times moving his friend Abdel in with us, and while I like Abdel, I really do not think I can live with him. I'm a lot better than I used to be but I am NOT about living with strangers. That's one of the reasons I had so much trouble deciding where to go to college back when I was planning on it, because I wanted to be as far from home as physically possible but I didn't know how to do it without having to live with some random people in a dorm or something. I like having the freedom to walk around naked, yk? Plus - and maybe this is selfish but - I already have to compete with Steve's games for attention half the time, and I'm needy, and I just. Don't want to have to deal with that.

He's not the date type of guy, he's a hermit, so we spend most of our quality alone time at home. Is it bad that I don't want to give that up?

You know, I know you're busy but Duo is pretty relaxed. You can set it so that you only have to practice once daily for five minutes if you really want to, which is probably slow but definitely manageable. I do it on the highest practice setting there is and it's still pretty relaxed, it only takes 25 mins out of my day in 5 min increments.

Ughhhhhh god, homerow giving me war flashbacks to my keyboarding class in 10th grade. Good luck.

That sounds like the way I feel about Olivia... it's bittersweet, isn't it? Like the drama is all over now and you want to make something more out of it, and rebuild and maintain a friendship like you used to have, like you feel the potential still there but it's old and probably not worth it now that you've moved on. But.

You know? I barely think of Liv most of the time but she's still there in the background.

Idk. Maybe we'll get our second chance someday.

Rayzel always struck me as a cool but distant person, yeah. I'm glad you have someone to talk to though. I know I can't always be helpful when it comes to Kevin and I feel bad about that sometimes.

Defaulting to sleep rather than self destructing is my middle name. Seriously, I just conked out for two hours because I was feeling angsty about work and feeling like a failure because I haven't been as productive as I wanted to be this week.

Ffffff, why do they always do that to you? Wait to give you hours until you're back in school full time. The fuck.

Scrappy used to piss on everything, if you remember. He hasn't in years though. Since we fixed him I think. Is it normal for diabetic cats to do that? Or maybe it's because you've got a small herd... Trouble used to pee in my room for seemingly no reason and I always suspected it was a territorial thing.

I don't know how to advise you on the Kevin-monogamy situation, really... I don't know if there's necessarily a good way of going about it. It's very murky. Do you think that you'll marry him? I definitely know what it's like to be super codependent, and I know that's not necessarily a horrible thing... Idk. I mean Elizabeth really didn't like the nonmonogamy thing either, I guess the difference was that since she lived far away she didn't feel like she could tell me no, but if she had lived here I think she would have been more up front about that from the get-go. We never really resolved it. I fall for most people I get close to too, but I guess after everything with Nic and Chris and all that shit, I've just been.. totally exhausted. Like, I've pretty much accepted that I have a limited number of slots in my life in terms of people I can be close to and love properly, and between you and Steve and Elizabeth I'm probably near capacity.

I want you to have the options I did, but I dunno how to make that happen for you. It sounds like the conversation has just gotten tiring for both of you.

If you want to get high, I have weed. Lol. I don't know if I could get more but I definitely have enough to smoke you up and maybe me. The only thing is we'll have to do joints, because I don't have a pipe, but I have rolling papers and determination.

I used to be really uncomfrtable with high people too but I definitely have calmed down since I actually experienced it.

Not that I'm any better, but you shouldn't have to be like... conveniently accessible for people to enjoy your company. You deserve more than that. Don't your coworkers ever ask you about your life??? Maybe physical correspondence would help, yeah. It's a lot easier to be free with your thoughts when you're just writing them all down, although sometimes it's hard to send them afterward.

You're gonna have to remind me again to look up Kate Bush because I'm never going to remember. Sounds vaguely familiar though.

Team projects still give me nightmares and I don't think I've done one in four years D: Ugh, god. More reasons for me to procrastinate on College Stuff.

Did you end up under sharing or over sharing? I feel ur pain.

Man, between you and Elizabeth I'm so damn jealous, you're both taking the best classes... she was just telling me last night that her class was talking about the societal compulsory gendering of children.

Elaborate on "finger thingies".

Abnormal psych sounds like a phenomenal class and I'm double jealous now. Not of all your projects though. The way you describe that teacher reminds me of my English teacher in 9th grade, I can't remember her name but we used to call her Skeletor. Fourteen year olds are mean, in hindsight... she was a really nice lady. A little nervous.

I suppose Ed isn't the worst man in the world, but they don't all have to be raging dickwads like my father to be worth tossing out... I just hope your mom doesn't adjust to the wrong things about him, you know? It's one thing to get used to someone's annoying habits and another entirely to get used to being controlled bit by bit.

My dad is mad at me and I know because he hasn't texted me to coerce me into getting dinner in months. Lol. I think it's because I ditched him for a graduation party I said I'd go to, or maybe my brother has a big mouth and said something about me not wanting to hang out with him (or, also possible, my grandma has a big mouth and she told him that me and Steve aren't super impressed with him as a person... last time I visited her she was telling us about how my dad used to put a picture of my moms face on his punching bag, and we were both like "wow he's a dick" which she for some reason didn't seem to agree with. idk man.)

The cat tree thing sounds really great but I dunno if I feel okay letting you do all that for me for nothing... I would probably want to pay you guys, which might defeat the purpose. Free carpet tho that's so excellent???

TJ seems mostly ok at work. Not that how anyone acts at work is necessarily a good measure of how they're holding up emotionally.

Tell me all about the bondage, omg. I've always wanted to get into it but Elizabeth and I broke up just as we were starting to poke around it.

I'm really sorry about Steve. He's really out of line and I honestly still don't understand why, I've tried to talk to him about it a few times but either he acts like he doesn't mind you or he gets annoyed and doesn't want to talk about it. I dunno if it's a jealousy thing or what. He sometimes acts the same way about Elizabeth, so I'm leaning towards yes. I find myself in a similar situation to you where I don't know if I should keep pushing it or not, like I don't know what I should be tolerating... and sometimes I almost wish that he would tell me not to sleep with other people, because as nice as it is that he's always told me that he wants me to do what makes me happy, I wish he was a bit more jealous. Not in a horrible way, just, like. Idk. I'm committed to being with Just Him right now and I wish he was. I want him to be a tiny bit possessive just as like, reassurance that he wants me and just me, you know?

But I digress. He shouldn't have said that to you. You were just trying to be a good friend to me and protect me. Idk what the fuck is wrong with him sometimes.

It's not your fault, I'm also terrible at communication, especially this past year or two. Things have just fallen apart so much. I think I'm starting to get back on my feet though (fingers crossed). We'll see how it goes. Coming up on my attempt anniversary again and I hope it doesn't make me freak out like t did last year.

I'll post the link separately, I'm afraid to leave the app for two seconds to find it while I'm typing this :')

I love you too! I hope this wasn't a lackluster reply, but it's almost 5am and I need to be up very soon unfortunately, so I'm going to take a nap and hope for the best.

~Tonio