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pucksandpower · 9 months ago

Text

Of Roomates and Revenge

Lewis Hamilton x fake girlfriend!Reader

Featuring Max Verstappen, Lando Norris, Charles Leclerc, Pierre Gasly, Esteban Ocon, and Nico Rosberg

Summary: in which your search for a free place to stay leads to helping one half of Brocedes live out his petty fantasy for revenge … and falling in love while doing so

Cat and Apartment Sitter Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1500/week plus all the Red Bull you can drink

I’m a world-traveling young professional who is rarely home. My two beautiful and rambunctious bengal cats need someone to stay with them in my Monaco apartment whenever I’m away for work.

The ideal candidate will be an experienced cat person who is prepared to deal with a lot of energy, chaos, and shenanigans from these two little terrors. They knock everything off every surface, wrestle at 3am, and will likely attempt to smother you while you sleep. If you can handle that, we’ll get along just fine.

In addition to caring for the cats, you will need to keep my place relatively tidy (i.e. no crushed Red Bull cans or fast food wrappers everywhere), collect any packages or mail that arrives, and randomly turn a few lights on and off every evening so the neighbors don’t get suspicious.

The position is ideal for a mature student, digital nomad, or someone between living situations who wants an amazing place to stay for free in one of the world’s hotspots.

Drop me a line if you think you can handle the cats from hell and wouldn't mind living in a 230 m² penthouse apartment with a private terrace, floor-to-ceiling windows, and a badass view of the Mediterranean. Preference goes to non-smokers who follow directions well and won’t throw ragers when I’m gone.

Send a brief intro, your experience with cats, and a couple photos attached. Urgently need someone for various stretches starting mid-February.

Do NOT contact me with unsolicited services or offers.

Live-in Cactus Caretaker Needed (Monaco)

Compensation: €1000/week, free snacks, and you can play my Xbox

I’m a young dude who’s rarely home because of my job that involves a lot of international travel. I have a single cactus plant that I promised my mum I would keep alive until she visits again. The thing is ... I have absolutely no idea how to care for plants. Like, I nearly killed it the first week by forgetting it existed.

What I need is someone responsible who can essentially live in my swanky Monaco apartment whenever I’m gone and keep my tiny cactus friend alive.

Duties would include:

Watering the cactus like ... once a month? Twice a month? I don’t know how often it needs water

Not letting the cactus die in any other way (pretty sure they need sunlight too … I think)

Keeping the place tidy (I’m a bit of a mess)

In return, you’d get:

A sick apartment all to yourself with a stunning view, giant TV, and full kitchen (please for the love of god be careful in there ... I almost burned the place down trying to make a grilled cheese once. Seriously, I'm not exaggerating. I almost went up in flames over a silly sandwich. If you can't even operate a microwave, we may have problems. There’s only room for one idiot like that in Monaco — and it’s me)

Unlimited snacks/drinks from my well-stocked pantry

Free rein over my gaming setup (just don’t break anything)

First dibs on any events/reservations I can’t make

The ideal person is responsible, shows they can follow basic instructions for cactus care, laidback since you’ll be alone a lot, and trustworthy enough not to wreck the place or throw illegal parties. Having a green thumb would be great, but frankly if you can manage not to kill the one plant, that’s good enough for me.

Send a brief bio about yourself and your qualifications as a cactus/housesitter if interested! I’m gone quite frequently starting in February so could use someone ASAP.

No scammy offers or soliciting, please!

Roommate Needed to Drink Wine and Listen to My Woes (Monaco)

Compensation: Free rent in a nice apartment, plus all the wine you can drink

Are you a good listener? Do you enjoy dry red wines and occasional bouts of tears and venting? If so, I’ve got the perfect living situation for you!

I’m a youngish guy with a high-stress job that involves a lot of traveling. When I’m home in Monaco, I tend to unwind by polishing off a couple bottles of nice Bordeaux or Burgundy while complaining about work, my colleagues, and my rival who is giving me really mixed signals.

What I need is a roommate who doesn’t mind a little drunken blubbering here and there.

You’ll get:

Your own bedroom in my spacious 2BR/2BA apartment in the La Condamine district

Rights to my kitchen, living room with large TV, piano, and music recording equipment

Access to the building’s pool, sauna, fitness center, and lounge areas

As much wine as you can drink (and more)

In exchange, you’ll be expected to:

Listen to my periodic rants and rave sessions without judgement

Preferably nod along or offer supportive-sounding feedback like “Yeah, that’s really tough man” or “Wow, they sound terrible”

Refill wine glasses as needed

Maybe rub my back or pat my head if I’m really going through it

The ideal candidate is a decent human being who can empathize with the high-pressure struggles of a young professional trying to make it in a cut-throat career.

You’ll need a decent amount of free time and lots of patience. Prior experience as a life coach, therapist, or sympathetic drinking buddy is a plus.

If you can handle crying guys after a few too many glasses of Châteauneuf-du-Pape, inquire within! Include a little about yourself and why you would make a good non-judgmental wine friend. Merci!

Expand Your Search? Similar Opportunities:

Impartial Referee Wanted for Parking Lot Brawls (France)

Compensation: €400 per event

Two athletic young men in their late-20s are looking for a level-headed third party to oversee and officiate their semi-regular parking lot boxing matches. Yes, you read that right — we’re talking straight-up fisticuffs in the back alley behind the Circuit Paul Ricard.

A little background: We’ve been frenemies/rivals since we were kids — constantly competing in friends, employment opportunities, you name it. There’s a healthy amount of hatred between us that simply can't be resolved through words alone. Every few months, we feel the need to just take out our pent-up aggression on each other's faces.

Up until now, it’s been an unregulated shitshow with no real rules or oversight. We’re looking for someone impartial who can:

Set some fair ground rules around where/how we can strike

Ensure no prop weapons get involved (last time he tried to scalp me with a wrench)

Officiate and declare a winner once one of us is knocked out or quits

Ideally have some basic first-aid skills in case of a nasty cut or broken nose

We will pay €400 cash at the start of each bout. You’ll get a free show of two extremely fit dudes wailing on each other until there’s a clear victor.

Loser exits with his tail between his legs, winner gets to gloat for the next couple months until we run it back.

If you can be a neutral third party and aren’t squeamish about a little blood, send us your info with some details about yourself and your experience resolving conflicts (legally or not). First come first served — our next fight is tentatively scheduled for mid-May!

No flakes or perverts, please. Serious connoisseurs of violence only.

P.S. Don’t be scared to give out penalties (one of us is used to that)

Actor or Actress Needed to Annoy Ungrateful Ex-Friend (Monaco)

Compensation: €2700 per week, free luxury accommodations

I’m a successful guy in my late 30s looking to hire someone to pretend to be my significant other for a few months. Before you get the wrong idea, let me explain ...

I had a major falling out with a former best friend who stabbed me in the back years ago. We live in the same apartment building, just one floor apart.

I’m trying to show him how amazing my life still is without him … and maybe make him jealous in the process.

That’s where you come in. I need you to move into my penthouse temporarily and act as my gorgeous new boyfriend/girlfriend.

Your main duties would include:

Loudly introducing yourself to said ex-friend by knocking on his door and being line “Hi, is [insert my name] here?” Then pretend to be embarrassed and apologize when he tells you that you’re at the wrong apartment

Hang out in the hallway near his place and have very loud fake conversations detailing our imaginary passionate nights together (rated R)

Post cringy coupley photos on your social media of us dressed up going out, cuddling on my yacht, etc

Ideally you’re an aspiring actor/actress or just a really convincing liar. Being somewhat loud and dramatic is a plus. You’ll need to be willing to play along if my petty ex-friend tries to confront us.

In return, you’ll be living in a lavish penthouse with all the amenities for free. You’ll have your own private suite and can hang out on the oversized balcony, by the pool, or in the media room when you’re off the clock. Might also be able to introduce you to some high-profile people if you’re trying to network.

Oh, and my bulldog will provide plenty of cuddles.

If you can pull off a remarkably realistic fake partner act and aren’t afraid of a little light deception, hit me up! Please include a couple photos plus a bit about yourself and your acting experience. Aiming to start mid-April.

I’m an equal opportunity employer — girlfriend, boyfriend, nonbinary partner, you name it. All genders welcome to apply for the role if you’ve got what it takes! Only preference is that you have especially luscious hair … for reasons.

No weirdos please.

Hi,

Okay, I have to admit — your ridiculous request to hire a fake girlfriend to make your ex-best friend jealous is quite possibly the pettiest thing I’ve ever heard. And I absolutely love it.

I’m literally the perfect person for this role. Petty vengeance is my middle name (well, not really, it's actually Y/M/N ... but you get the idea).

A little about my qualifications:

Took some theatre electives in university so I can really sell the dramatics

Lots of experience putting on an Oscar-worthy performance faking ... well, you know ... thanks to my douchebag ex-boyfriend who couldn’t be bothered to learn how to pleasure a woman 🙄

Not afraid to get LOUD and will happily reenact our “passionate nights” at earsplitting volumes in that hallway

Can pull off playing dumb if your friend tries to interrogate me about you (“Oh [whatever your name is]? Yeah he’s just the best at ... stuff”)

No shame in my pettiness game — I once spent my weekly paycheck on a Cameo just so an ex’s favorite celebrity would call him a dingleberry

In terms of looks, I’ve been told I have just the right amount of “hot” to make your poor pal jealous without it being too unbelievable. I’m attaching a few photos for reference.

Let me know if you want to meet up for a glass of wine and we can workshop some juicy storylines for our imaginary romance. Perhaps I was a former fling you rediscovered? A hot younger thing giving you a new lease on life? The possibilities are endless!

I’m a pro at faking it, so selling our relationship will be a piece of cake. Your ex-friend will be bright green with envy by the time I’m through!

Let’s make him regret the day he double-crossed you, babe.

Cheers,

Y/N

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 16h

My ex-best friend’s new girlfriend is the WORST!

I really need to get this off my chest. My upstairs neighbor’s new girlfriend is, without a doubt, the most insufferable human being on the planet. She’s loud, obnoxious, and seems to take immense pleasure in tormenting me for some reason.

A little background: I used to be really close friends with my neighbor. We had a big falling out a while back over ... well, it’s a long story. We don’t talk anymore and there’s a lot of resentment between us. Clearly the universe is trying to get back at me now with this new girl.

This chick has made it her personal mission to give me a play-by-play account of every single intimate encounter she has with him. And I mean DETAILED accounts. The other day I was just trying to enjoy my morning coffee and I hear her incredibly shrill voice from right outside my door:

“Oh he was an ANIMAL last night! The things he did with his tongue, I thought I was going to pass out!”

Like, seriously? Keep it to yourself, weirdo! That’s just the tame stuff too. Sometimes she’ll go into pretty graphic detail describing body parts and positions that I really didn’t need a mental picture of.

Here’s the thing — she quite obviously positions herself to be as close as possible to my apartment without actually trespassing — I mean, she doesn’t even live on my floor for god’s sake! So every word comes through crystal clear. I’ve confronted her about it a few times and she just plays dumb, like:

“Oh gosh, I’m so sorry if I was being loud! We just get so carried away sometimes, you know how it is,” with this stupid ditzy valley girl voice and hair toss.

I don’t know if my former best friend put her up to this or if she’s just a massive troll in her own right. But it’s like psychological warfare at this point. Literally ANY time I’m home, I have to listen to her yap about their Sex Olympian-level escapades.

My wife even heard them once and thought I was playing porn at an insane volume! She doesn’t believe me that it’s just this deranged lady running her mouth constantly.

I’m half-tempted to start recording her rants and blast them back at full volume to give them a taste of their own medicine. Or maybe start describing lurid details of my own (admittedly not quite so colorful) sex life in retaliation.

I don’t know, maybe I’m being oversensitive. But living under these two insufferable assholes is a waking nightmare. I need to move or something because this is massively affecting my peace of mind. Who knows if they will ever get bored of tormenting me and move on.

Rant over. Thanks for letting me vent about the neighbors from hell.

u/chronicgossiper · 12h

Damn, that sucks man. Your neighbor and his gf sound like immature assholes trying to get a rise out of you. I’d look into noise complaint options or even see if you can get them evicted for harassment.

Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 11h

Seriously? You really think the landlord would evict someone over this? It’s not like they’re blasting music at 3am. Sounds more like passive aggressive pettiness than anything illegal.

u/chronicgossiper · 10h

Idk, having to listen to people loudly describe their sex acts against your will seems like it could qualify as harassment or creating a hostile environment. Worth exploring at least if they won’t stop.

u/NotBritneySpears · 9h

Eviction isn’t really an option here since we all own our apartments and there’s no landlord dictating that. It’s not that type of building.

u/nosyandproud · 8h

Did your former friend move into that building first or did you move in knowing he lived there?

u/NotBritneySpears · 7h

He was there first, I bought my place a few years after him when I could afford it. Never expected he'd pull something this childish.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 6h

So you willingly moved into the same building as your ex-best friend that you aren’t on speaking terms with? That’s just asking for drama, dude.

u/NotBritneySpears · 5h

It’s a great building in an amazing location. I wasn’t going to not pursue the opportunity just because he lives there too. It’s a big place, I didn’t think we’d be running into each other much.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 4h

Still seems like a weird decision to willingly insert yourself into his orbit like that if the relationship was so fractured. Probably should’ve seen some fallout coming.

u/nosyandproud · 3h

Yeah exactly, why would you move somwhere your ex-friend lives if you two clash that much? Kinda put yourself in this situation.

u/NotBritneySpears · 2h

Okay, let me be clear — he and I were best friends for over a decade before we had a colossal falling out a few years ago. We’re not just some casual ex-buddies who don’t get along. We were legitimately very close for most of our lives until things went nuclear between us. When I decided to move into the building, our friendship had been over for a while already. I really didn’t anticipate he’d take things to this vindictive level years later. I’m not going to miss out on my dream home just because of what happened between us.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 1h

This is getting juicyyy, do tell about what caused the falling out!

u/NotBritneySpears

Not really trying to dredge up old drama, that’s a whole other can of worms. The girlfriend situation is annoying enough as is.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 51m

Fair enough, you gave context. Still think you two need to have an adult conversation about boundaries. Purposely trying to loudly narrate their sex life at you is unhinged.

r/relationships

u/yourusername · 19h

I’m catching real feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend to get revenge on his ex-friend ... help?

Buckle up folks, because I’ve got one hell of a tangled situation to unpack here. This is going to be a long one.

About a month ago, I responded to this Facebook Marketplace ad from a guy (let’s call him L) looking to hire someone to pretend to be his new girlfriend. The goal was to make his former best friend/downstairs neighbor jealous after a brutal falling out between them.

I know, I know, it sounds ridiculous. But the benefits were good and I’d be living in his insane luxury penthouse in Monaco rent-free. More importantly, I really vibed with L’s pettiness and desire to get deliciously pathetic revenge on his ex-friend. My last boyfriend was the actual worst, so I was absolutely here for any slightly insane Karen antics.

Anyway, we hit it off immediately at the “audition” over drinks. L is brilliant, successful, gorgeous, and fucking hilarious in a sarcastic, unfiltered way. We both have a wicked mean streak and frankly get off on emotionally messy situations. It was like looking into a mirror — two beautiful trainwrecks finding each other in the wreckage.

From night one, we had crazy chemistry. The back-and-forth banter was electric, we finished each other’s sentences, etc. I felt so comfortable around him despite the bizarre circumstances. I assumed it was all fun and games to toy with his former best friend.

But over the last few weeks of loudly chronicling our “sex marathons”!outside said ex-friend’s door and doing phony coupley things around the city, I’ve realized my feelings are ... complicated. L and I CONNECT on a deeper level, in addition to just being partners in crime. We’ll be tangled up watching movies and he’ll make some perfectly timed quippy comment that has me cackling until my abs hurt. Or we’ll get deliriously wasted and end up baring our souls about our upbringings, dreams, fears — everything.

I’ve never been so open or comfortable around someone before. Our walls are gone. And the most messed up part? Some small, perverse part of me loves the strange intimacy we’ve manufactured through this farce. How much closer can you get than meticulously co-creating a fictional relationship?

In the beginning, I think we were both just in it for the laughs and pettiness factor. But something shifted for me recently. One night we were drunkenly rehearsing how I was going to describe our latest imaginary tryst to his ex-friend and ... I don’t know, I couldn’t stop staring at his lips while he was talking. His face was so close to mine and I felt breathless. In that moment, I wanted nothing more than to ditch the script and really kiss him. I had to physically stop myself from lunging forward.

Later, when I went back to my room, I was hit with a crushing wave of realization — I have actual romantic FEELINGS for this basketcase who hired me to play-act as his girlfriend! What the actual fuck?

Guys, I’m in too deep. How did I let this happen? L is technically still my employer and this whole operation has an expiration date. His former friend is already growing visibly annoyed, so Phase 2 (feign a dramatic breakup, I move out, L moves on with his life) is likely coming up very soon.

Do I just bury my feelings and end this gig without saying anything? Do I risk the humiliation of confessing my heart to someone who was only pretending to want me around? Or should I just go for it and make out with him next time we’re tangled on the couch? I’m spiraling here!

The pettiness that brought us together may also tear us apart. Or maybe I’m just a sad clown who read too much into a fake relationship. Someone slap me with a reality check, please! I need perspective from the outside.

Tl;DR - Developed legit romantic feelings for the guy who hired me to be his fake girlfriend as part of his weird revenge plot. Not sure if I should come clean, keep it professional, or start actually making out with him for real. This was NOT part of the deal!

u/judgingloudly · 18h

Oh honey, you are in a MESS. This is like a bad romcom plot but IRL. I think your only real option is to fess up and tell L how you’re feeling. Contrary to popular belief, the fake dating trope doesn’t always have to stay pretend!

If he doesn’t feel the same way, at least you put it all out there and can move on with some dignity intact. But who knows — from how you describe the crazy chemistry and connection, he might feel relieved you said something first! Don’t let this fire burn out without taking your shot. Oh and definitely keep us updated, I’m invested now!

Reply to u/judgingloudly · 17h

I agree with this take. You already acknowledged you’re in too deep emotionally. Might as well put those cards on the table and let the chips fall where they may. Shooting your shot is always better than letting the “what if” eat away at you forever!

u/livefordrama · 16h

I’m sorry but I simply must ask — how did you land a gig like this? And does he happen to have any more openings for a fake girlfriend? Asking for a friend …

u/yourusername · 15h

Honestly it was a random Facebook ad looking for exactly this — a girl to move in and fake date this guy to drive his feuding neighbor up the wall. I applied semi-joking but he picked me!

As for openings, not that I know of ... yet. I may have to quit soon depending how this all plays out, so will keep you posted if my spot opens up!

Reply to u/yourusername · 14h

Omg please do! I would 100% take on a role like this, it sounds like a total riot.

u/unpaidtherapist · 13h

Girl, I think you already know what you have to do here. Is keeping things professional and never admitting your feelings really an option at this point? You’re clearly enamored with this guy and he seems to reciprocate the intensity at least platonically so far. I say GO FOR IT!

Just pull him aside one day, say “hey this isn’t just an act for me anymore, I really like you and need to know if there’s a possibility for us or not.” If he’s as caught off guard and freaked out as you’re implying, a direct conversation is needed to get those cards on the table. Don’t die wondering “what if?” That’s my advice.

u/everydayopportunist · 12h

This is so wild, I’m living for this drama! Seriously might need to pursue some similar gigs myself, apparently that’s where all the romance happens these days 😂

u/devilsadvocate · 11h

I’m sorry but I have to go against the grain here — please do NOT make a move or confess any feelings! This guy hired you for a very specific job under very specific pretenses. Catching real feels was not part of the deal at all. Selfishly throwing that at him out of the blue would be so unfair after he opened his home to you. I worry he could feel betrayed and violated even if he did secretly like you back.

My advice? Give it a few weeks, see if these feelings persist or if it was just a passing crush brought on by the intimacy you’ve found yourselves in. If it’s still intense after cooling off, then maybe consider looping him in. But don’t go nuclear until you're absolutely sure. You could risk imploding a good work situation and friendship over a temporary infatuation. Tread very lightly!

Reply to u/devilsadvocate · 10h

I’m with this take, OP shouldn’t jeopardize her living situation if her feelings might be fleeting. Taking a step back and giving it more time could provide clarity. It’s easy to get caught up in the fantasy.

The more prudent move is to wait until the “job” wraps up before considering opening that can of worms. If feelings persist minus the contrived closeness, she’ll know it's real. But springing it on the guy now seems wildly unfair and could blow up in her face.

r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 15h

AITA for turning down my fake girlfriend after she admitted feelings, only to want her back days later?

I think I may have tremendously fucked up in a spectacularly messy way. Let me walk you through the tangled web I’ve woven ...

A couple months ago, I (39M) hired this woman to essentially move into my apartment and pretend to be my new girlfriend. I know it sounds batshit crazy … but I was trying to make my ex-best friend/neighbor jealous after a bitter falling out between us.

She was the perfect partner for this ruse — sarcastic and spunky, with a hint of unhinged energy. We bonded instantly over bottles of wine and throwing deliciously overblown “loud sex” performances in the hallway to drive my ex-friend nuts. What was meant to be a transaction quickly bloomed into a legitimately fun, effortless friendship.

Soon after, we started having real sex. It sort of just … happened, albeit very awkwardly at first. Like “well this is weird, want to try it for real just to see?” And what do you know, we had insane chemistry between the sheets too! We were soon sleeping together nearly every night, always swearing afterwards that it was “just for fun” and didn’t mean anything more.

But I started catching feelings. She was hilarious, confident, beautiful — everything I could ever want in a partner. We had connected on a deeper level through the medium of batshit pettiness. And our physical intimacy only amplified that bond.

Cut to a couple weeks ago. We had just finished a particularly athletic round and were cuddled up, spent. Out of nowhere, she pipes up nervously: “Hey … I think I’m really falling for you. I don't want this to just be sex or games anymore. I want to really try being together.”

I froze. The words I had been longing to hear suddenly terrified me in that moment. My throat clenched up as a wave of panic crashed over me (yes, I’m well aware of how stupid this was in hindsight). After an agonizing pause, I managed to choke out: “I’m sorry, but I can’t do that. This thing between us was only ever supposed to be fake. I don’t think of you that way.”

I could actually see her face crumble. She quickly mumbled “okay” and slid out of my bed, wrapping a sheet around herself to cover her dejection. I swear I heard muffled sobs through the wall once she was back in her guest room. I felt like a piece of shit.

The next few days were some of the most awkward, brutal tension I’ve ever experienced. She was now acting like a scorned woman just doing her job, no intimacy whatsoever. We could barely make eye contact.

It took seeing her so closed off, so cold, for me to realize how much I desperately missed her warmth, humor, friendship. How much I longed for the easy intimacy we once had, both emotional and physical. I tried a few times to apologize or explain myself, but she brushed me off — utterly walled off to protect herself.

After days of wrestling with my suppressed feelings, I realized that I was in love with this wonderful woman. Hiring her as a fake girlfriend was one of the best things I had ever done because it brought her into my life … and now I didn’t want to let her go. She was becoming my person, even if she had started out as a farce.

But here’s where I really need some impartial perspective — AITA for freezing up and rejecting her confession?

I didn’t meant to tank her feelings so callously. I think I just ... panicked in that moment. The idea of committing to a real relationship terrified me in ways I didn’t expect. My career keeps me constantly on the go, always jet-setting to the next thing. Could I really give a romance the time and energy it deserves right now?

Part of me also felt massively conflicted about the circumstances. I’m literally paying her to pretend to be my girlfriend as a sort of ongoing petty revenge. If I admitted I wanted to actually date her, wouldn't that blur consent lines in some messed up way? Like, is she just going along with it because she’s on the payroll?

I know these both sound like flimsy excuses, but they were very real fears racing through my mind in that moment. Fears that made me impulsively reject her, despite how utterly gone I was.

Now, days later, those same hangups don’t seem so insurmountable. Maybe she and I could make something work, travel schedules and all. And if she reciprocated feelings, it would be a starting point — not her just placating me for a check. We could rip up the old arrangement and start fresh.

But I haven’t confessed any of this to her yet out of gut-wrenching cowardice. She’s still giving me this cold, professional shoulder. I don’t know how to begin recanting my idiotic reaction and opening up about the REAL reasons I panicked — the commitment fears, the moral dilemma, all of it.

Part of me wonders if I even have the right to try and pursue things with her at this point? I absolutely shattered her feelings for my own hangups just days ago. AITA for potentially stringing her along further by trying to retroactively take it all back? Maybe I’ve missed my window and should just let this phase of my life be over before it gets even more painful and messy?

Ugh, I’m rambling now. The crux is — AITA for how I recklessly rejected her in that moment? Do I even have a right to try and make amends after that thunderous fumble? Or should I just take the L, chalk it up to collateral damage of being in the world’s most messy pseudo-relationship, and move on?

u/juryofone · 14h

YTA, but only because you handled the initial rejection in the worst way possible. Your reasons for hesitating are somewhat understandable. But you really dropped the ball in communicating that to her in the moment.

Instead of calmly explaining where your headspace was at, you just blurted out a kneejerk rejection that crushed her feelings. No wonder she went ice cold — that had to sting like hell! If you had taken a breath and talked it through with more nuance, maybe you could’ve reached an understanding.

The good news is, you’ve now realized how much you DO want this woman in your life as more than a pretend romance. I don’t think you’re an AH for having those feelings or wanting to pursue her again, provided you make a sincere, thoughtful effort to apologize for your tactless approach before.

My advice? Explain the real reasons you froze up, how torn you felt over everything, and make it clear you still have feelings. But lead with a heartfelt apology for how horribly you botched it at first. If she’s willing to give you one more chance after that, DO NOT blow it.

Reply to u/juryofone · 13h

I agree with this take. He’s not an AH for the situation, but majorly the AH for the WAY he handled rejecting her. That had to sting badly after putting herself out there. The mature thing is to own up to that and properly communicate where his head was at.

Reply to u/juryofone · 12h

Yeah, going straight for “I can’t do that, I don’t think of you that way” after she bared her soul was so harsh and unnecessary. He could have let her down wayyyy more gently if he was that conflicted about it all. She must’ve felt like a fool!

u/neutralpartier · 11h

NAH — I get that you panicked in the heat of the moment and why this whole situation is heavy with ethical quandaries. The reality is, you two started off pretending but real feelings developed, and that’s okay! It happens. The moral issue only remains if you knowingly took advantage of or manipulated her feelings while she was on your payroll. Since you seem just as confused as she was, I don’t think any lines were really crossed.

The way forward is to rip off the bandaid once and for all. If you have mutual feelings now, figure out if you want to date as equals. If not, it’s time to part ways amicably while you both still can. But don’t keep paying her while catching feels — THAT would make you an AH.

u/glasshalfempty · 10h

ESH ... look, you suck for how you handled rejecting her confession. That was really hurtful and avoidant no matter your internal struggles. She sucks for going into this thinking it was all pretend, catching real feelings, and expecting you to want to be serious too. You PAID her to be your fake GF and made that clear.

My suggestion is to have an honest discussion about whether you can BOTH separate the transactions from reality. If you’re both all-in on trying for real, great! But one of you is going to get burned if expectations don’t align. And please, for the love of god, stop paying her!

Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 9h

This is exactly what I was thinking too! Way too messy ethically to keep paying her as the lines blur between fantasy job and real romance. Either take the plunge and date properly or go separate ways for good.

Reply to u/glasshalfempty · 8h

Agree but like ... is this even real? How does someone end up hiring a fake girlfriend to make their former best friend jealous? That alone sounds like a bad romcom plot.

u/criticaloverthinker · 7h

I’m calling cap on this whole wild story. Childhood besties turned feuding enemies living in the same building? A fake girlfriend who moves in as part of an elaborate revenge plan? It’s all too unbelievable.

u/struggling-with-reddit · 6h

I’ll play along and rate, but no way is this post legit lol. Having a fake girlfriend you eventually catch feelings for while pranking your neighbor? What’s next, one of you is actually royalty or a secret millionaire? Too much happening here.

Reply to u/struggling-with-reddit · 5h

Hahaha I know right, the excessive details and backstory gave it away as creative writing practice or something. No judgment from me, it was an entertaining read at least!

u/struggling-with-reddit · 4h

Next thing you know, OP will be claiming he’s Michael Schumacher or something 😂

r/AmITheAsshole

u/veganGOAT · 8h

UPDATE — I’m the idiot who rejected then realized I loved my fake girlfriend … and she took me back!

When I made my initial post a bit over a month ago about this whole fake girlfriend situation, most of you understandably called it outrageously far-fetched.

Which, fair. How does someone actually end up hiring a woman to fake date them just to make their neighbor jealous? It does sound ripped straight from a Nicholas Sparks fever dream.

Well put on your straight jackets, because this ridiculous saga is 100% real. And I’ve got an update that’s even crazier than the original tale ...

After reading the feedback on my initial post (and getting a whole lot of shit from some friends too), it became crystal clear that I had to make things right. I put her through the emotional wringer by callously rejecting her in the moment, when her feelings were just as tangled up as mine were. I owed her a sincere apology and a proper explanation of why I froze — with no more deflections or excuses.

So I wrote her a long letter. I laid it all out there. How torn I felt about the ethical and emotional complexities of our arrangement. How her vulnerability awoke my own fears about commitment, my transient lifestyle, and whether I could realistically be the partner she deserved. Mostly, I repeatedly owned up to being a thoughtless prick who shattered her trust out of pure pathetic self-preservation.

But above all, I made one thing clear — despite my bumbling, I had fallen for her too. Completely and utterly. She had cracked through my defenses and healing her hurt became the only thing that mattered.

I ended the letter by owning up to the fact that she now held all the power. While she had moved into this arrangement under certain pretenses, I had violated that implied contract. The ball was entirely in her court now. I would abide by whatever decision she landed on — friendship, an amicable parting of ways, or taking the terrifying gamble of trying to make this the real deal.

When she emerged from her room the next morning, I could barely look at her. I was a sweaty, nauseated wreck, steeling myself for the worst. She sat down next to me in silence and unleashed the longest, most blistering dressing down of my life. How I had made her feel so small, so foolish, so painfully vulnerable. Words like “coward” and “asshole” were thrown around. But you know what phrase stung most?

“I wish you had told me all of this up front instead of dealing with it like a child. I could’ve understood where you were coming from.”

It was a dagger — she was absolutely right. My dumb automatic rejection utterly betrayed the openness and intimacy we had built. Still, she didn’t dismiss me entirely. She would need some time to think, but asked that I stand by for an answer.

The limbo period was … not fun.

After four excruciating days, she came to me again. This time, she was almost shy, like her old self. She told me she had thought it over extensively, and ultimately my explanation and full-hearted apology won her over. I may be an idiot, an asshole, and a bit of a mess (her words), but I was an honest idiot with a good heart under all the bravado. And that’s what had drawn her to me in the first place.

So with the understanding that we would both need to work on our communication skills and respective hang-ups, she was in. We would press the reset button altogether, end our old arrangement, and try to make this relationship happen for real — messy origins be damned.

That was exactly a month ago today, and things have never been better. Sure, we still lean into some harmless (and vaguely unhinged) pettiness with my former friend from time to time. Some habits are too fun to quit cold turkey. But ultimately, I’ve never been so grateful for the insane set of circumstances that brought this amazing woman into my life. We may have started as an acting exercise, but we took a leap together into something beautifully real.

And yeah, I still have to hear shit from literally everyone about how our romance origin story is the most unbelievable meet-cute of all time. But I’ve learned to lean into the absurdity. After all, what’s life without a little chaos and a perfect partner to share in the pandemonium?

Thanks to everyone who offered candid advice on my original post. You may have received an update sooner if not for all the people accusing me of faking it! All I can say is … this is my blissfully ridiculous reality now.

u/juryofone · 7h

Well hot damn, I have to hand it to you — this saga is even wilder than the original post let on! I went from being totally skeptical of the whole outrageous situation to being fully invested in this insane romance. Love that she put you through the wringer a bit before taking you back. You absolutely deserved that and more after treating her like you did.

But huge props to you for manning up with that apology and giving her the power to make the next move. That vulnerability and respect for her feelings despite your own doubts is what true partnership is all about. I have a feeling you two chaotic bastards are going to be just fine as a real couple now that all the crazy pretenses have been stripped away. Wishing you both nothing but more pandemonium and pettiness together!

u/neutralpartier · 7h

I’m officially obsessed with this love story. You went from hiring a woman off to punk your neighbor, to breaking her heart over catching feelings, to doing the MOST to grovel your way back into her good graces, to ACTUALLY SUCCEEDING. It’s romcom gold! I need this to get optioned for a movie immediately.

u/glasshalffull · 6h

As wild as this story has been from start to finish, this update has me straight up emotional! The groveling, the way you explained your fears, her roasting you for days before mercifully taking you back … my heart. Love that she cut straight through the bullshit by calling you an idiot AND acknowledging your good heart. That’s the ideal balance.

I’m so invested in this nonsense and need regular updates on how things progress from here. You better not blow it after all this chaos or I’ll be leading the charge to vandalize your apartment!

u/romanticempath · 5h

What a journey! To go from manufacturing a fake relationship purely for petty vengeance, to developing REAL emotional stakes, to breaking each other's hearts quite viscerally, to finding your way back together through sheer vulnerability? Incredible stuff.

I laughed, cried (a little, don’t judge), and cringed throughout this entire saga. Thank you for bringing us all along for the insane roller coaster. I wish nothing but ridiculous happiness for you and her moving forward!

u/fairytaledreamer · 4h

I’m sorry but I still can’t get over the fact that this is somehow a real series of events? You’re a madman and this is truly unhinged (but also incredible). How did ALL of this unfold before your 40s?

Romcoms have been put to bed. Welcome to 2024, where people actually hire fake GFs to get revenge on their scorned former friends, develop legit attachment issues, torpedo everything in a panic, grovel for redemption fit for cinematic history, and somehow STILL end up together in some sort of demented happily ever after!

All I can say is cherish the chaos you've manifested. I can’t wait to see what bonkers plotlines await the two you. Start recording everything for the biopic!

Reply to u/fairytaledreamer · 3h

“Cherish the chaos” is absolutely the perfect sign off for this update. I’m deceased at this whole wild drama, but also soooo invested! Cannot wait for the inevitable Netflix mini series. Thanks for the laughs, drama, and emotional whiplash!

r/offmychest

u/NotBritneySpears · 21h

My ex-bestie’s wedding to his obnoxious girlfriend was a nightmare … and so was their wedding night (unfortunately)

You’ll have to bear with me on this one, because I’m still reeling a bit from one of the most cringey, uncomfortable, and downright baffling weekends of my entire life. I need to get this off my chest before I have a full mental breakdown.

A couple years ago, I made a post venting about my former best friend’s new girlfriend at the time. For those who missed the saga, she was an insufferably loud woman who seemed to take immense pleasure in loudly narrating her sex life with my former friend right outside my apartment door. It was psychological warfare, plain and simple.

Well, I’m sure you can all see where this is going based on the title. Against all odds and reason, this woman and my ex-friend somehow stuck it out … until he put a ring on it last year. Which leads me to the first in a cascading series of mind-numbing events — receiving a wedding invitation from the happy couple!

Now, let’s be clear — I have not spoken to my former best friend in almost a decade at this point. Not since our cataclysmic falling out (a story for another day). We were thick as thieves until our bond was shattered beyond repair. For him to invite me to his wedding with the woman who crudely mocked their intimacy for my benefit was … certainly a choice.

On one hand, why on EARTH would you invite the person whose heart you deliberately stomped on so many years ago? It felt like a cruel joke, rubbing salt in an open wound that never fully healed. A reminder of their domestic bliss and my bitter ostracism.

Yet on the other hand, maybe there was a subconscious part of me that would have felt insulted if he didn’t invite me after so many shared years? As if he had utterly erased me from his life without a second thought? The thought gut punched me too in an admittedly unhealthy way.

Long story short, I RSVP’d yes … half out of morbid curiosity and half out of a deeply unwell desire to not get excluded from such a significant life event. In hindsight, a foolish decision that kicked off a horrifically uncomfortable series of events.

The wedding itself was … a lot. An over-the-top spectacle at an insanely expensive venue. My miserable self stuck out like a sore thumb surrounded by all the adoring couple’s friends and family. I sat through mushy vows reaffirming their “unlikely origin” in the “most unexpected yet fortuitous way” … while trying not to puke.

So yeah, sheer cringe start to finish. Little did I know the worst discomfort was yet to come!

In perhaps the most on-brand grand gesture of the entire weekend, the groom rented out an entire boutique hotel for all out-of-town guests to stay at after the reception. That way we could all keep the party going nearby before he whisked his new bride off to parts unknown on their honeymoon the next day.

Ever the gracious host with a penchant for the spectacle, he let wedding guests draw for their room assignments out of an actual top hat. I somehow managed to get seated right next to his parents who, while cordial enough, knew me as the ex-best friend responsible for so much fractured history.

But wait, there’s more! Wouldn’t you know, the universe is supremely messed up because I ended up with the room directly underneath the newlywed suite. Yes … I spent their wedding night listening to a live-streamed porn broadcast courtesy of the paper-thin walls and floors.

Dolphin sounds didn’t even BEGIN to cover the unholy noises raining down from above around 2am. I’m talking full-on screams of unbridled passion echoing off the walls at maximum volume. Mind you, this woman had become infamous for over-enunciating their coitus for my benefit previously. Now it was a frighteningly real-life rendition that no noise-cancelling headphones could drown out.

I finally had to flee my room to the lobby. I ended up crashing on one of the lobby couches until an employee politely asked me to leave around 6am. Disheveled, disoriented, and officially diagnosed with PTSD from the sounds I cannot unhear.

So yeah … not exactly a therapeutic reunion that could have allowed my ex-friend and I to bury the hatchet. If anything, this wedding was one massive “screw you” that opened up all the same unresolved wounds. I need about 20 years of intensive therapy to move on.

I also need to find a new place to live because I can’t bear returning to that cursed apartment building.

u/chronicgossiper · 18h

Dude, I think you need to get some serious perspective here. Your ex-friend getting married and going on a honeymoon has absolutely zero to do with you. That level of self-centeredness is off the charts.

Why in the world would this guy plan an entire wedding — one of the biggest days of his life — around secretly tormenting you again over ancient history? That makes no sense. He invited you as a polite gesture after years apart, probably hoping to start burying the hatchet. The room assignments were random by your own admission.

As for the … “noises” … look, they were on their wedding night. Maybe overenthusiastic, but 100% to be expected between newlyweds. It’s not some psychological ploy, just poor planning on their part for thin walls. You’re projecting like crazy if you think that was directed at you specifically.

At a certain point, you have to realize the universe doesn’t actually revolve around your grudges or history with this person. They’ve clearly moved on to live their best life. It’s on you to stop obsessing over them and do the same.

Reply to u/chronicgossiper · 16h

I agree, this is just pure paranoia from OP. No newly wedded couple is sitting around thinking “how can we sneakily stick it to your ex-best friend during our wedding festivities?” That’s deranged thinking.

They invited you to be polite, you drew an unlucky room assignment near their suite, and then biology happened on their wedding night. Hilarious and awkward coincidence? Yes. Intricately designed fuck you from the bride and groom? Come on now, that’s giving them way too much credit.

u/NotBritneySpears · 13h

Maybe you all have a point, and I am still holding onto way too much resentment and baggage from our falling out. My intention wasn’t to imply they orchestrated an elaborate sting operation around their wedding. More just a general sense that the universe has a funny way of reminding me about them at highly inconvenient times over the years.

Reply to u/NotBritneySpears · 12h

Even that line of thinking is incredibly self-centered though. Why would random coincidences or them just … living their lives be the “universe’s way of reminding you” about your failed friendship? That makes it sound like they should perpetually be walking on eggshells and avoiding certain life events just because you can’t get over the past.

Look, it sucks that things fell apart so badly between you two. But they have clearly moved on, as you should too. This obsessive framing of their marriage as some universal affront to you is … not healthy, my dude.

u/nosyandproud · 10h

The wedding itself sounds like it was in poor taste for sure, so I can certainly understand feeling aggravated and triggered being there as the scorned former friend.

That said … you’re borrowing A LOT of trouble by assuming any of their private wedding night activities were purposely being broadcast to you specifically. Projection level 1000 there.

At the end of the day, these people have built a whole entire life and future together now that quite literally has nothing to do with you anymore. You looking for “signs” that they’re still fixated on you is just self-involvement. For your own mental health, you have to let go of whatever happened and see them as background characters in the story of your life now.

u/realitychecker · 7h

OP, you need to take a step back and realize that the sheer logistics involved in purposely torturing you at their wedding are just not plausible. Do you really think they were like:

“Alright honey, for our wedding night I was thinking we should make sure your former friend gets the room directly below ours! That way when we really get after it, he’ll be able to hear every excruciating moan and body smacking sound in haunting detail! That’ll show him for being your friend a decade ago! Mwahaha!”

Come on, mate. That’s delusional cartoon villain level scheming you’re attributing to them. Occam's Razor — they just wanted to consummate their marriage in privacy and didn’t account for the thin hotel walls. The world doesn’t actually revolve around your history with this!

Reply to u/realitychecker · 5h

Lmaooo the idea of them sitting around strategizing the most psychological warfare possible on their wedding night is killing me. “Yes honey, we simply MUST reenact scenes from our noisiest adult films for your ex-best friend’s terrible pleasure!”

u/buildingbridges

OP, it seems like you really miss having your friend in your life if I’m reading between the lines here. Getting invested to this level over random coincidences at his wedding doesn’t come from a place of hatred, but hurt and longing for that bond again.

My advice? Use this weekend as a wake-up call to stop obsessing, reflect on whatever caused your rift, and decide if you want to properly reconnect. If not, you need to rip that band-aid off for good and stop torturing yourself over what will never be again. Or the walls between you two will just get thinner and thinner ...

r/ask

u/amateurdetective · 15h

I think these juicy Reddit posts actually interconnect … but I need your help cracking the code

I think I’ve stumbled onto something wild here and I need the Reddit hive mind to help me piece this tangled web together. Are you ready for some batshit conspiracy-level connecting of barely-there dots? Too bad, I’m going in anyway.

So, over the past few years, I kept seeing these extremely juicy, dramatically-written posts pop up every few months that seemed … oddly interconnected despite being in different subreddits.

Hear me out:

First there was the unhinged post in r/offmychest from a guy ranting about his former best friend’s obnoxious new girlfriend. Dude was griping about how this woman would loudly recount the smutty details of her sex life with the ex-friend whenever she was in his general vicinity, seemingly just to mess with the OP. We’re talking legitimately disturbing stuff about feeling “psychologically tortured” by her oversharing.

Fast forward a few months and I stumble across a wild post in r/relationships from the perspective of this same “obnoxious” girlfriend! Except her story painted a whole different, unhinged picture — she was hired on FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE by the former friend to literally move in and fake date him as part of an ongoing revenge plot against the OP from the first post. She rapidly develops legitimate feelings for the guy and it becomes a messy will-they-won’t-they romcom situation.

But THEN there was a follow-up post from the fake boyfriend’s side in r/AmITheAsshole about him realizing he caught feelings too before nearly blowing it, followed by another saga-capping update about them deciding to pursue a real relationship against all odds and absurdity.

Are you seeing the parallels here? These three posters each gave one side of an absolute dumpster fire of a convoluted love triangle situation that seemingly intersected. And based on the intricate backstories, my crackpot theory is they all emanated from the same formerly tight friend group that experienced a bitter falling out.

The insane attention to detail, literary flair, and geometry of it all almost had me utterly convinced these were all fictionalized creative writing exercises posted separately across Reddit … but building on the same unhinged storylines each step of the way.

I’m utterly obsessed with mapping this all out into one cohesive narrative now. My working theory is something like this:

Some guy hired an actress to pose as his fake GF and torment his former friend as revenge for some past betrayal

The two fake partners rapidly caught real feelings amid the ruse, he panics and nearly torpedoes it

Meanwhile, the ex-best friend is losing his mind overhearing the fake girlfriend’s loud performances and comes to Reddit for advice, not realizing it’s all a ploy

After a saga of miscommunication, the fake boyfriend comes clean and the couple decide to actually date for real

Capping things off, the former friend is forced to attend their wedding where he’s subjected to one final night of unholy noises

Does it all track? Or have I completely unraveled the conspiracy and stumbled onto a drastically personal set of circumstances being workshopped on Reddit? If so, that’s some ludicrously elaborate storytelling!

I need to know if I’m onto something here or completely off my rocker. If the former, I’ll burn every last calorie mapping out a master record of events across all the posts. If the latter … someone needs to drop their juicy fanfic writing prompts because these were WILDLY entertaining reads.

Help me connect these dots or point me towards any other potentially linked tales! This has been a public service aneurysm brought to you by pure boredom.

u/scepeticbynature · 14h

Wow, you’ve gone full Sherlock Holmes with this. I’m dying at how insanely detailed your working theory is in tying together these random Reddit posts into one cohesive narrative. This is either a brilliant piece of performance art … or you need your meds adjusted, my friend.

Reply to u/scepticbynature · 12h

Hahaha exactly! The amount of time and brain power OP has devoted to mapping this out is beyond obsessive. I don’t know whether to applaud the commitment to the bit or get them professional help.

u/amateurdetective · 10h

I’m sorry, did you actually read through the posts in question? The intersecting pieces of random, elaborate backstory between all three distinct voices is way too specific and layered for it to be an accidental alignment. There are unambiguous throughlines about:

A pair of feuding former childhood best friends

One hiring a woman off Facebook to pose as his fake GF and torment the other as revenge

Said fake relationship descending into a very real emotional entanglement for both parties

The eventual fallout of the ex-friend having to bear witnessing the real couple’s wedding and chaos that followed

Like that’s such a bizarrely specific plot keeping consistent across three different users’ lenses! So you’re either pointing out the artistry of someone doing an incredibly elaborate creative writing exercise across multiple subs … or these people are just leading unbelievably unhinged lives. And part of me hopes it’s the latter? It’s too batshit crazy not to be true!

Reply to u/amateurdetective · 9h

Or, and hear me out … it’s all an internal dialogue you’re having with your numerous Reddit personalities to work out your own unresolved relationship issues. We’re all just incredibly intricate fragments of your aching psyche!

u/opinionatedtruther · 7h

Lmao you are both nuts, but I have to side with OP on this one. The chances of these being all interconnected fabricated stories is way too perfect to be an accident. All the tiny threads and recurring backstories/character details woven between wildly different subreddit posts? That’s not a coincidence.

I could buy it maybe being some extended Reddit fanfic experiment between a couple of redditors seeing who can craft more engaging characters and drama while world-building off each other’s plot threads. Like a weird form of collabing through the confined lens of Reddit posts. It would be pretty genius if so.

But for it to be entirely real with all the coinciding details scattered across entirely unrelated posts like that? I’m sorry, but there’s just no way. That’s beyond the scope of believability for me. OP may be bungling the conspiracy, but they’re onto something for sure!

u/amateurdetective · 6h

THANK YOU, someone gets it! And to answer your other theory … while I can’t 100% rule out some sort of viral Reddit fanfic experiment, I struggle to believe even the most creative writers would be capable of improvising THAT intricately interconnected of a storyline stream-of-consciousness style like that.

Like each voice and perspective they inhabit remains remarkably consistent across such wildly different contexts (relationship drama, life events, ethical debates, and updates). It would take incredible skill to stay in the headspaces of these distinct individuals and keep their personalities/plot orbits from tangling into an incomprehensible mess. While possible, it seems incredibly unlikely.

That’s what has me believing there’s a remarkable kernel of stranger-than-fiction truth at the heart of this whole saga being teased out piece-by-piece. Or again … I’ve finally been gaslit into being a tin foil hatter of beautiful Reddit fantasies. Either way I’m here for it!

Reply to u/amateurdetective · 3h

All I have to say is please touch some grass and post to r/creativewriting instead 🙄

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voidzphere · 8 months ago

Text

☆ MASTERPOST // INTRO !!!

[ ALL THE BLOGZ I RUN: @killzbitezz (sideblog) @killersanz (killer sans askblog) @dailykillerr (daily killer sans that i have not posted on yet erm) ]

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

╭───────────── * ˚ ✦

hii !! im killer, but my friendz + mootz call me killz !! welcome to my blog ^_^ i love u too brutiee @mewobrute <33 (more stuff under the cut!!)

╰───────────── ✧.* ⋆

✩ ABOUT ME !!! >_<

FIRST OFF, HERE ARE SOME OF MY FLAGZ !!! :3 ↓↓↓

my main prnz are he/it/bite, but i alzo use vamp/fang/bone/skull/blood/gore/knife ! (plz dont refer 2 me w they/them)

my special interest is undertale + utmv ! (if that waznt obv enough..)

i love love LOVE horror gamez .. some of my favz rn are kinitopet, imscared, house, ddlc, rental, and bonnie's bakery :]

I HAVE A PERSONA ! u can find itz ref sheet here :] i uzually draw myself as either him or juzt killer sans !!

I LOOOVE MY MOOTZ, FRIENDZ, AND PARTNER <333

some of my current hyperfixationz are fionna & cake, smg4, regretevator, atsv, invader zim, adventure time & dialtown !

i have a guestbook !! leave a little note for me to read if u want :3

some of my fav bandz/artistz are talking heads, misfits, bad brains, rio romeo, lemon demon, will wood, pixies, melanie martinez, alex g, 6arelyhuman, goreshit, sex pistols, potsu, the living tombstone, etc. !

some of my fav songz are alien blues, vampire culture, laplace's angel, dr sunshine is dead, seriously?, genius of love, at the movies, charlie's inferno, etc. !

✩ my tagz !

#killz art - my art !! :3

#killz rb - reblogz

#killz yapz - my yap sessionz

#killz answerz - answerz to my askz

#vent kinda - my (kinda) ventz

#tag/ask game - self-explanatory

#killersanz - stuff related to my killer sans ask blog !

#killz fingie doodlez - stuff i drew w my finger :3

#killz srb - self reblogz

#killz sans - my sonaaa ^_^

✩ dni

basic dni criteria

istz + phobez

epiciller, /r + /sx errorink, etc.

pro/dark/comship (or whatever you call your weirdo selvez..)

irl doublez (unless i knew u beforehand!!) (im irlz of killer, reaper, & epic.)

minorz who post nsfw cuz ion wanna see that shit man go do ur homework

slander of my interestz/special interestz + hyperfixationz like stfu

mockery of me and/or my traitz (i.e my typing quirkz)

unwanted criticism, especially if i didnt ask for it. stfu part 2

anyone i've had drama with + my exez (fuck you)

HOMESTUCK. and hazbin hotel + helluva boss (tbh i dont rlly care if you like these mediaz and interact with me, just dont talk abt it in front of me yknow)

✩ byi + boundariez

i have autism + adhd, BPD, & typing quirkz !! tone indicatorz are optional when talking to me, but i appreciate them.

i'm an irl + fictkin ! i have a few c-linkz as well.

im not a roleplay account btw /srs

my art requestz are alwayz open ! can't promise i'll alwayz do them, but they help me out with inspiration though :3

DO NOT REPOST MY ART. i will find you

if you use my art, credit me. you dont alwayz gotta ask me before usin my art, but i appreciate it if you do !!

my askbox + dmz are alwayz open !! i love meetin new people n gettin to know em :] im fine w tagz, commentz, & spam-likez/reblogz too !

i might accidentally spam-like (i get too excited).

just because i make suggestive jokez and im hypersexual doez not mean i'm not sex-replused from time to time.

im a DID system and use i/me pronounz. i don't talk about my DID often becauze i see it as unimportant to other ppl.

i'm nonhuman !! plz do not refer to me as human. i prefer skeleton termz over everything else. im ur favorite homozexual cryptid-skeleton :3

i tend to ramble, say thingz that are out-of-pocket, have trouble with volume control/typing in all capz, make inappropriate jokez, flirt with & tease my close friendz, etc. if u ever find any of this bothering, plz inform me and i will stop.

i love drama + gossip, i will argue with strangerz on the internet just to spite them bc i find it funny ^_^ (only if theyre in the wrong and deserve it.)

i have strong opinionz and will shit-talk you if you're a weirdo who deservez it.

my blog, my rulez <3

★ last updated: 10/5/24

#killz yapz #every drawing in this was drawn by my finger #my finger is now numb #i'll update this anytime i can :]#killer sans #something new #utmv #sans au #undertale au #masterpost #artist intro #killz art #killz fingie doodlez #killz sans

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felassan · 5 months ago

Text

Dragon Age: The Veilguard info compilation Post 5

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]

[There are also a series of 'lil snippets' posts where I was just chucking together bits and pieces that I saw at other times: one, two, three, four, five, six]

Post is under a cut due to length.

There is a lot of information coming out right now about DA:TV from many different sources. This post is just an effort to compile as much as I can in one place, in case that helps anyone. Sources for where the information came from have been included. Where I am linking to a social media user’s post, the person is either a dev, a Dragon Age community council member or other person who has had a sneak peek at and/or played the game. nb, this post is more of a ‘info that came out in snippets from articles and social media posts’ collection rather than a ‘regurgitating the information on the official website or writing out what happened in the trailer/gameplay reveal’ post. The post is broken down into headings on various topics. A few points are repeated under multiple headings where relevant. Where I am speculating without a source, I have clearly demarcated this. if you notice any mistakes in this post, please tell me.

For notes in here on community council things in particular, I recommend to listen to the vid directly, it's always better hearing things first-hand ^^

Character Creation

"The diverse body and gender options make it an industry leader by a signifcant margin" [source]

"BioWare was keen to highlight the hair strand technology that looked very similar to that seen in FIFA and EA FC, also made under EA's roof" [source]

"Fine tuning sliders that allowed for microscopic adjustments of nose angles, it was clear that a lot of options exist to get the smallest possible body parts exactly right" [source]

"There's no specific genital customisation to be oversold as CDPR did but, much like Saints Row, there is an option for bulge customisation" [source]

Pronoun choice, gender identity, body type, and voice choice are 4 separate options, not tied together [source]

Height is customised on a slider [source]

Size is customized on a triangle like in Saints Row: the 'points' are fat, slim and muscular [source]

The different lighting options are 4 different settings: clean, bright, dim, sunset [source]

In CC you can also try out what Rook looks like in their starting rags, in typical mid-game armor, and some level 50 gear (class appropriate for each one) [source]

There's a way for you to modify your character's look once the game has started if you want to make some tweaks [source: the official Discord]

You can be any class and choose any backstory/faction, any race, any gender [source]

Story and lore

On meeting Neve in the opening, if Rook chooses to say the positive dialogue option (I think this is the thumbs up one, "You rescued yourself, I see") they say something like, "It looks like you're doing pretty well by yourself huh?" [source]

According to someone who played the game at SGF, the game has a Mass Effect 2 Suicide Mission feel to it [source]

The Shadow Dragons are kind of an anti-Venatori faction, sort of. [source] A freedom force. [source]

The Mourn Watch are kind of like the police for the Grand Necropolis [source]

The Veil Jumpers are kind of like weird magical investigators, weird magical nerds [source]

The moment right after the gameplay video ends is 👀❗❗...? [source]

On the timeskip, the Community Council were told that they were going to make it about the same amount of time in-game as the amount of time that passed in real life from the time most people would have last played DA:I [source]

Rook's faction is also referenced outside of the intro segment of the game [source]

In the gameplay reveal video that we saw, some of the Evanuris statue assets at Solas' ritual site are doubled up in error, i.e. some of them have the wrong heads. This is not supposed to be the case, they are supposed to each have a different head (bear in mind this was an early build and isn't the final build of the game) [source]

Characters, companions, romance

Go [here] to see some DA:TV doodles of the characters that a dev drew this year and last year. :> the hidden doodle is a version of Rook, hidden as they have not yet shown any of the possible hairstyles for Rook outside of the gameplay reveal video. [source]

It is Lucanis who has the purple wings [source]

His name is pronounced "Loo-khan-ess Day-ah-MORT-ey" [source]

Lucanis is hands-down "the sole dumpster fire of the crew". Mary "wrote him specifically to be a bisexual disaster of a human. You're welcome." [source]

As a name 'Rook' is closer to 'Inquisitor' than 'Hawke' [source]

The Community Council highly requested there to be 4 voices for Rook. They kept bringing it up [source] (there are 4 voices for Rook)

The Solas face model has been tweaked "a hundred times" [source]

Gameplay, presentation, performance etc

Rook can jump [source: the official Discord]

Rook can sprint [source: the official Discord]

Warrior gameplay (or at least one build of this) involves doing the right parry timing to lead to a certain attack [source]

Warriors have a dropkick ability, enemies can be dropkicked off cliffs using this [source]

According to someone who played the game at SGF said that the game ran smoothly and didn't have any bugs [source]

Companions can have an ability that heals Rook even when they are not mages [source]

Sword and shield warrior's ranged skill is like, boomeranging their shield over there [source]

In terms of the 'the game isn't open world, it's mission-based' stuff, it could be likened to Trespasser in this regard [source]

The first time the Community Council played, they asked if there is a photomode. BioWare said no, and the Council were like 'aw that really sucks, we really wanted one'. The next time that they went to play it, BioWare introduced them to a dev and said "Okay, we have photo mode, all thanks to this guy". "So there is one particular dev we all need to be kissing the feet of" because he figured out photo mode. [source] [nb, more on the Photo Mode situation here]

The current build of the game is not the final build of the game. A few things are currently being vigorously worked on [source]

Other

Someone who played the game at SGF was told that all of the choices and consequences were in the game, and that basically the team are just polishing things up right now [source]

The number of community members on the Community Council is in the double digits and they are from all walks of life. They don't have any contracts which say that they can only say positive things; they can be as negative as they want about DA media. Not every member of the council has said publicly that they were part of the group, there is nothing mandating them to do so [source]. They have not played the full game [source] and they tested it on consoles [source]. A lot of them ended up liking the gameplay [source]. They played some of the main story but they don't know how it ends. At one point they did three days of playtesting from like 9am-4pm daily. "I liked the quality, I liked what was going on, I was very invested. I did have some worries from the first playtest that were completely resolved in the second". "If you are someone who is into the story, I think we're safe, in the clear, I think we're okay. What I saw, I was really enjoying, I'm really excited about" [source]

The name change also surprised the community council. They aren't keen on the 'the'. There are a lot of things that they said to BioWare which, sometimes things just cannot change as it's too late. [source]

They did not see the finished game trailer before it released, and at that time it might have had a different song in it. They fed back that the version of the trailer that they saw was fine (what they saw was a bit different) [source]

BioWare have data on the percentage of people who used tactical view in DA:I and it's in the single digits [source]

Upkeep of the The Keep is a lot and it goes down like once a month. There have been times when it was down for weeks at a time [source]

#dragon age: the veilguard #dragon age: dreadwolf #dragon age 4 #the dread wolf rises #da4 #dragon age #bioware #video games #long post #longpost #mass effect #lgbtq #solas #some overlapping info in these posts but i figure it's better to say a snippet twice than miss sth :>

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telekinetic-electronica · 6 months ago

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Indigo Park: Salem is Important

I've already done a post on why I think Lloyd is important. I go over how I think he's the first mascot and the OG face for the Indigo brand. Not to mention, drawing a parallel to Mickey and Oswald. You can read it here.

There is also this picture at the beginning of Rambley's Railroad can suggest that Lloyd is giving the deed to the park to Rambley. I.e. transferring ownership to him, as seen here.

We also see Lloyd as a statue that's very similar to the style of the Rambley and Isaac statue we see when entering the park. I haven't seen this mention with people, but I think the biggest case for the other important mascot is Salem.

(Lloyd's statue in his maze)

Anything regarding to Salem is a mystery. Salem's part in Rambley's Railroad is completely destroyed. There's splats of blood, Rambley glitches out, Salem's cutout is ripped in half, and hints that Rambley's Railroad used to be Lloyd's Limos, in the backrooms.

(Salem's section destroyed in Rambley's Railroad)

(Lloyd's Limos in the backrooms)

Any important lore drop for Indigo Park, Salem is somehow connected. In the video game portion, where it's revealed Salem was the one who was corrupting the squirrels, then goes ahead and corrupts Mollie.

This is hinting to something big, something that possibly happened to the mascots at the park. Rambley did say, in a way, the mascots are like their cartoony selves. Via when he tells Ed the truth and in the credits song. Something either corrupted them or it could be symbolic to how trauma changes you. Within the same game, if you drop near the first half off of it, we see Mollie's sprite in a cage.

I mention trauma is because I think it's obvious that Mollie and the other living mascots were physically and emotionally abused by the staff and the on-goers at the park. Mollie can repeat things that were said back to her.

youtube

"I wanna play with the birdie!" "Don't touch that thing, son." "It barely hurts at all..." "Get up, you stupid freak." "Get back in your cage, bird." "The customer is always right." Mollie and Lloyd are conscious beings who were tossed around and mistreated from the employees to the people visiting the park. They treated them like they were just props, things. The parent calls Mollie a THING. The employees called Mollie a "stupid freak" and for her to get back in her cage. As shown in the video game. They were treated like rag dolls and if they didn't do want the employees wanted, they would get beat or screamed at, or left to rot in cages. It just makes the line "It barely hurts at all!" more dark.

It barely hurts at all.

She's convincing herself that the abuse she is going through is fine or that she's used to it. Or an employee saying the abuse she is going through isn't hurting her. It barely hurts at all. I wouldn't be surprised if Indigo Park's underlying horror is mistreating people as just tensions of the park to sell a fantasy towards parent for a quick buck, instead of, y'know, treating them like people.

Not to mention, Salem uses potions. Magic. A possible hint to how the mascots were brought to life. They aren't robots or anything, but they're conscious, living beings. Now, let's take a look at Salem's intro card. It was censored before chapter 1 was released, but I believe it is important.

Note of some important things here. They are a major trouble maker, super quick, and cunning. Interesting. Personally, in a speculation of mine is that Salem was the first one to act out and think what the employees and on-goers at the park treating them and the other mascots were wrong. Anytime something of lore is dropped or something of importance, Salem is involved. Salem is important.

Either or not they're an ally or enemy to Rambley and Ed, we'll see. Heck, Salem doesn't have any merch minus a keychain. So, whenever Salem is on the screen pay attention. Isn't it odd that Rambley NEVER mentions Salem? Like, the dude mentions Lloyd and he hates his guts. Interesting.

#indigo park #indigo park theory #indigo park analysis #indigo park salem skunk #indigo park salem the skunk #indigo park mollie macaw #indigo park lloyd #indigo park lloydford l lion #indigo park lloyd the lion #salem skunk #mollie macaw #lloyd the lion #rambley the raccoon

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denpa-dere · 1 year ago

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house arrest 3.5

afab!mc x lucifer

description: suggestive content/NSFW. You are confined to your room for your own protection. But how long will that last when the only thing standing between you and your housemates is a door and some willpower? You and Lucifer have a chat.

warnings: attempted slut shaming. masturbation mention. she/her pronouns and afab!mc descriptions.

|| Intro || Mammon || Asmo (mini) || Levi || Satan (mini) || Beel || Lucifer (mini) || Asmo || Belphie (mini) || Belphie || Barbatos (mini) || Satan || Diavolo (mini) ||

House divided as it was, negotiations for your return went about as well as they possibly could.

On one side, there was Beel, hoarding you in his room, stubbornly refusing any direct attempts at communication. All contact was thereby forced to go through Belphie (also barricaded inside), who found the whole situation hilarious.

Neutral (i.e., useless) parties included: Levi, shut down and unreachable for the past two days, and Asmo, available only for emotional support.

That left Lucifer, Mammon, and Satan to forge an uneasy alliance. Finally, a deal was struck. You were shuffled through the door in exchange for Lucifer's credit card and express permission to order as much takeout as necessary to get Beel through the rest of this cursed fiasco. In the meanwhile, Lucifer would use Goldie to cover the house's expenses, much to Mammon's chagrin.

The firstborn glowered at you from across his study. You were sitting on the sofa, staring into your lap and poking one of the obscene bruises that littered your thighs. You pressed your fingertip into the purple mark, winced when it turned yellow, then repeated the motion again. And again.

Silence in the air hung thick and heavy. Your stubbornness could rival his own, at times, and you seemed determined not to speak first.

"I trust you are satisfied after that bout of utter shamelessness?" Lucifer asked, voice level and unwavering.

The corners of your lips twitched up into an irritating little smirk. Your finger hovered over the bruise as you looked up to meet his burning gaze.

"I've been trying to figure something out," You parried his jab, "When all of this started, why didn't you send me to stay at Cocytus Hall?"

Lucifer sighed, beleaguered by your ignorance. He stood and made his way over to the bar cart.

"I mean, it makes sense, right? Humans aren't able to sense hormonal changes in other humans. Angels are even further removed. So why stay here?"

"Changing locations would be an unnecessary risk," He responded flatly. He fixed himself a drink, pointedly not offering you anything.

"Next time we'll be more prepared, then," You hummed, unconvinced.

Lucifer kept his distance. He didn't like how comfortable you were acting in this situation. It set his teeth on edge.

"Say, I've been thinking-"

"Don't strain yourself," He shot back.

Your smirk grew into an infuriating grin, "Do you think that something is defined by its antithesis?"

What kind of question was that?

It was your turn to stand, stretching your arms up overhead. Your shirt crept up, revealing more unsightly marks. You reeked of his brother and he hated it.

"Like with Beel," You explained, idly fiddling with a knick-knack on a nearby shelf, "He's the Avatar of Gluttony. He's known for his consumption, but he's motivated by starvation. How could you understand one without the other? Am I making sense?"

"No, and I fail to see your point," Lucifer replied, "Put that thing down, you'll break it."

You complied, setting the object back where you found it.

"Well, I've been wondering," You continued, undeterred, "What the opposite of pride would be?"

Lucifer took a drink. His ears were burning but he refused to be the first to back down and look away.

"This is the last time this happens, do you understand me?" He asked, gesturing at you with the hand holding his glass. You would not see what you did to him, damn it, "No more wandering around. Anything you need, you are to message me and I will ensure it's left outside your door. Unless you'd prefer an actual prison cell?"

"It's been a while since you've been so harsh with me," You said with a hint of humor, expression softening, "I'm sorry, Lucifer. It won't happen again."

You left soon after, promising to abide by his conditions if only for his peace of mind. He relieved himself while thinking of you in the shower that night, cursing your name the entire time.

He ached. Why weren't you coming to him? He was right there.

#obey me smut #obey me fanfic #obey me x reader #lucifer x reader #x reader

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extremetimedchallengeexchange · 7 months ago

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Rules and FAQ

The fastest gift exchange around. Objectively a bad idea. 48 hours of hyperfocus.

Schedule: (All times in EDT)

Tag Nominations Opens, Discord Opens: 0:01 August 14

Tag Nominations Closes: Midnight August 20

A03 Sign Up Opens 0:01 August 21

A03 Sign Up closes: Midnight August 27

Creation Phase: Noon EDT August 31 - Noon EDT September 2

Treating Week: September 2- September 9

Discord Closes: Noon September 9

Everybody admires everyone else's work: September 2 - Ongoing

Rules

The exchange is multifandom, and open to artists, writers, and podficcers. Fandoms do not have to have a canonized Ao3 tag to participate.

You must be a member of the Discord, for communication purposes.

Once assigned, participants will have 48 hours to deliver their gift.

Artists are expected to deliver a decent sketch, Writers and Podficcers have a 300 word minimum

No AI-Generated content.

This exchange will be operating on DL:DR when it comes to what the mods will police and what we ask you to respect in terms of other people’s requests. The single exception is RPF, which has additional rules.

RPF is allowed. Persons nominated for RPF must be famous in their own right and over the age of 18. Persons famous chiefly for their participation in facist regimes or as serial killers will not be considered for nomination. Mods reserve the right to reject RPF nominations in poor taste.

Original Work is allowed. Use the "Original Work" fandom. If it is important to you that a person within a specific pairing is a specific gender, make that clear within the tag, for example "Middle-aged King (M)/His Loyal Bodyguard (NB) (Original Work)".

As this is a 13+ exchange, there is no NSFW allowed, even if you’re sure that both you and your recipient are adults. This applies both to sexual content and to extreme (e-rated) gore.

To increase matching options, tags must be seconded (nominated twice) to make it into the tag set. Because of this, tag nominations will be collected through a google form.

You can nominate tags for up to ten fandoms, with up to twenty tags nominated in each.

You will have one week to submit relationships and characters to a tag set, one week to write your prompts, and 48 hours to deliver your gift.

Participants are required to request at least three fandoms (with associated prompts), and offer to create around at least three fandoms.

To help your creator out, you must offer either a list of likes or prompts that contains at least one element that works for each art form that you have opted into. If you opt into art, you must give at least one art prompt or art like in your signup, and the same for fic or podfic.

To increase matching options, at least one of your ships has to be either Gen (platonic relationship) or a single-character tag— just one overall, not one per fandom.

Please include anything you absolutely don't want to receive (Do Not Wants) in the Optional Details field in your AO3 signup. Only DNWs in the Ao3 signup will be enforced, and mods will not enforce DNWs that are overly restrictive, unclear, or used to box a recipient into a specific gift (i.e. "nothing gross", or "I don't want anything that isn't a space au with the mc's other major love interest dead off screen".)

This exchange uses Ao3's matching algorithm, and as such, you need an Ao3 Account.

Make sure the email attached to your AO3 account is one that a) you check regularly, and b) are comfortable with exchange mods seeing. You can verify your email here: archiveofourown.org/users/[your ao3 name here]/change_email

As per Ao3 and Discord’s TOS, you must be at least 13.

Links

Ao3 Collection Here

Tag Set Here

Nominate Tags [form available in the discord]

Tag Nomination Rules Here,

Discord Here

Things We Do Differently Than Other Exchanges Here

Intro to how to sign up for an Ao3 Exchange Here. Variant using a gifter letter here. A note on what Solo tags mean in practice here.

Additional Challenges (just for fun):

One Day: Fulfil your gift within 24 hours.

Word Count: Write 5k or more on a single gift.

Art: Produce a fully-rendered and coloured (lined if that's your style) art piece with at least two characters, or a 10-panel comic with clean pencils or simple inks, within the 48 hours of the exchange.

Multi-media: Fulfil gifts that meets gift minimums for two different gift forms— art, fic, and/or podfic.

Multi-fandom: Make gifts that meet gift minimums for 3 or more fandoms.

FAQ:

Why? Because it seemed like a terrible idea.

How do I sign up/How do I format tags/Are you using OR matching: Signup FAQ on the Ao3 collection Here)

Further Questions? Join the Discord Here

#faq #gift exchange #fandom gift exchange

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leadmetothegardenbetty · 28 days ago

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OKAY I AM ON THE TRAIN SO HERE IS THE BREAKDOWN MY FRIENDS:

• I got there late bc I didn’t plan well enough and thought I’d be okay time wise and it was Not Okay and I fully almost had a panic attack complete with crying and hyperventilating bc I knew I was gonna be at least five minutes late

• Since I got there late I’m not sure if they did like an intro to the film but in attendance was: Kyle, Emily, Adam (director), JP (director of cinematography), Ross (producer)

• They talked a lot about things we’ve already gathered from interviews when the movie initially came out (i.e., they got time to spend together before they first started shooting, all the music was written first before shooting started — mentioned how Watermelon came to fruition through Emily journaling in character as Patty and that Adam played all the music for Watermelon, also mentioned how Kyle blew out his voice twice during the process of recording for PSYOPS (he apparently tried to prep by singing along to the tracks in his car which as a Bad Idea))

• I did not actually know/do not know if this has been shared before but Kyle and Emily flew out to the shoot together and Adam booked it so their seats would be next to each other, they talked about how much time they spent together and how they would grill steaks, have dinner together,

• There was a Pumpkin mention (the pitbull Kyle got from his neighbor that he bought off of him bc he could see the dog needed a better home), also apparently Kyle found out at 5:30 AM during the shoot of the PSYOPS show that the former owner of Pumpkin was willing to sell her to him and there were a bunch of problems with the dog (she had her period, had to wear diapers, etc, etc))

• Emily talked about how playing Patty healed her inner child and she talked about how Kyle and her really just played versions of themselves in Patty and Simon. Kyle mentioned how he’s always loved punk/pop punk and he grew up in mosh pits and he loved getting to be a musician for this movie (I was tempted to yell out FINGERS ERASURE at one point because Adam and Kyle both talked about how Kyle had “never been in a band before” but alas I am a coward and idk if it would’ve been appreciated lmao)

• A couple people asked Adam for writing/creative advice, he told them to just kind of go for it!

• Kyle and Emily touched on how important it was for the film to go to those crazy/more vulgar places to really show what Patty was going through

• There was A LOT of Patty/Emily love!! I think pretty much every audience question was either aimed at Emily or Adam and 9 times out of 10 Kyle or Adam directed the question back to Emily

• Someone did ask when we could expect the PSYOPS tracks to be released and they said they were “working on it”

Overall guys it was an absolute BLAST to see this film with a crowd, I think like half the audience was seeing it for the first time which was fun in itself. There was no singing along and some people laughed at odd parts (I thought) but ultimately getting to watch with Kyle and Emily in the audience and seeing how much love they were getting—especially Emily, was so so incredibly wonderful!!

I am still kind of soaking everything in so if I remember anything else I will reblog and add!!

#dinner in america #kyle gallner #emily skeggs #kait rambles #ifc screening 10/29/24

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voidedmuffin · 6 months ago

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You can make your Likes and Following private, btw

Your Dashboard is the equivalent of Feed

You can make multiple sideblogs under the same account. People use these to organize their thoughts and interests among other things. It's not a requirement. You can have Everything on your main blog

Always reblog the stuff you like. Especially art and writing. That's the only way that stuff gets circulated

Don't clog tags with irrelevant things (i.e. don't tag #horse, #dog, #cat when the post Only has cats in it)

DO NOT CENSOR TAGS use the full word(i.e. always #spiders not #sp!ders or what have you)

You can filter tags in your settings! So that you will not see whatever you list. (i.e. filter #spiders and all posts tagged with #spiders will be censored(you can click to view, but it won't be immediately visible)

Writers: If you're posting your work, put a summary/intro at the top, then add a Read More button, then the rest of your writing. This prevents a Looooong scrolling post! :]

On desktop you can fully customize your blog page via html coding! There's layouts around that you can use, or you can make your own! They're super cool

Also! You're not required to tag your posts. It's just for the sake of your organization. Most people talk in the tags/add commentary to the post via the tags(it's like whispering your thoughts to your neighbor while passing them a note or book without actually Wrting on it)

You can pin one post to the top of your blog by clicking the meatball menu at the top of the post you wanna pin

#quotev #I feel like I'm forgetting stuff #I made a post specifically for systems transfering from Q too. I'll rb that rq so it's closer to the top of my blog!#Blah blah #Have fun ig

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helsensm · 11 months ago

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Watching your AU with the deceased Kung Lao (wonderful but sad AU 🥺)

I can't stop thinking about how sorry I am for Kung Jin. Yes, I certainly feel sorry for Raiden, who lost a friend, and Liu Kang, who lost a friend for the SECOND TIME.

But I can't stop thinking that Lao's younger cousin will feel the pain of losing a family member. In Mortal Kombat X, we were well made to understand that Jin cherished Lao very much and even went to Hell to save him (which I consider a very selfless and brave act). And this is despite the fact that the family turned away from Lao, and there is no guarantee that he will be able to be saved...

In this timeline, I think Jin is still a child or a teenager. I think he has a very strong and friendly relationship with Lao and the news of his death will be difficult.

It's so insulting that in the last timeline and in this one (according to this AU), the poor boy goes through such a traumatic experience

Your AU is beautiful in that it really makes me think about what might be going on in it! I hope you will continue to develop this idea, because it is wonderful. And you are beautiful! And your work!🥺💖💖💖

pre mk1, they haven't seen each other in a while, Kung Lao picked up Jin from school and they are going to train at Madam Bo’s 😊

I'm with you on this pookie, amen to every word. 😔 Jin is slowly becoming one of my favorites, and now that you mentioned (i.e. I’ve been thinking about this for weeks), I’m wondering, what he’ll do after Lao’s death... No idea, what NRS are planning for our Shaolin punk in this timeline, but let me overthink that ONE mention of him we got so far (leaving out the cameo in Armageddon chapter) for this au. XD

They ARE very close, though they don’t visit each other often. Jin adores his older cousin and he’s looking up to him, of course it feeds Lao’s ego, ahahh.

After the mk1 story, Lao will follow Kenshi’s advice to quash Jin’s interest in criminal world, checking on him when he can. Unfortunately, it won’t be enough, and as the time goes (it has been several years between the mk1 story and Lao’s death), Jin will eventually find some trouble for himself. He is still too young for traveling and becoming a freelancer thief like in mkx, but he might join the local gang, or something like that.

When Kung Lao dies, Jin’s grief will manifest in a form of respecting his cousin’s words. He’ll leave his criminal life behind and will go to the Wu Shi Academy. I really like how proudly he calls himself a Shaolin monk in mkx intros, so I want him to choose this way. And I think Jin’s presence and willingness to follow in the footsteps of Lao will help Raiden with his grieving too.

<<< prev | next >>>

#oh no I forgot the print on Lao's hoodie #it's supposed to say “MAYONNAISE ON AN ESCALATOR”#oops Kung Lao's dead again au #my asks #my art #kung lao #kung jin #mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1 #mortal kombat x #mk1 #mkx #helsensm art

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the-fab-fox · 5 months ago

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Lmao. Okay so this Twst!AU with @mellosdrawings is so fucking fun and lovely. (Y'all will probably see it some day but Mello is doing so much art—all the art with this and other au's and all da best shit posts—so no idea when the AU will get posted but...

Originally this lil guy, (art by @mellosdrawings)

[Quick OC Intro: Finley "Finn" Tod, 2nd Year Scarabia student, FTM Trans, he/him, fox beastman (cause I'm a fox furry so naturally I had to make him a fox beastman). Actually ray of sunshine who sometimes has cloudy days and is far too self-conscious and needs more confidence because he's actually super amazing and compassionate but to him he's just... him and not anything special unlike his bestie Yuu and their friends. Would give the shirt off his back if someone needed it and always has a kind word for everyone—except Crowley, though he does try to give him the benefit of the doubt but unfortunately the man proves time and time again to be highly incompetent so it's really hard. Plus he's so demanding of Yuu and that makes Finn very upset on Yuu's behalf. But that's a rant for later.]

Was only going to get one boyfriend during the AU. (It's Trey cause he's so in love with Trey it hurts. And Trey loves him back but they are so dumb with love the both of them.)

But anyway. So Mello made a list of all the other ships in the AU and I realized that all of them are ot3's and I was like.

Aww. Finn deserves another boyf too. But who...

Only one character came to mind. XD

Jade. Haha.

Poor Finn. (But also lucky Finn.)

Jade is the one who helps push them together (along with Yuu and the others) because once they are together he just manages to somehow merge his way into their relationship and it's so gradual and slow even Trey doesn't realize it's happened until they are all suddenly dating each other. XD [this is subject to change because Mello has my confidence and free creative liberty on how they get together, so the way Trey/Finn/Jade happens might change.]

Gah I love my OC so much and I love their relationship so much. So fun. But don't let Finn tell you otherwise. He definitely deserves two loving and attentive partners who do everything in their power to make certain Finn knows he's deserving of their love and affections.

Also he's got dark purple hair but his ears and tail are that of a red/orange fox. And ocean blue eyes like me. :D

Similar to my Twitch mascot:

He loves head pats. Especially from his partners, his bestie, and those he looks up to (i.e. Leona, Vil, Jamil if he was willing, Idia if he was willing, Rook, and Riddle. Malleus too.) If you give him head pats this will be him:

Anyway all this to say if you wanna ask me any questions about my OC or their relationship or anything, feel free to shoot me an ask. I'll be confering with Mello on some of them to not give away plot and such but will be so happy to answer what I can.

And if you wanna send in headpats for him, he'll be so pleased. Lol.

If anyone is interested in a full character bio/info sheet of him id be happy to get one written and posted. Just let me know.

But yes, please! My askbox is open! Send in everything you've got! (Pretty please? Don't make me beg. I'll cry.)

#twst oc #twst ftm oc #ftm oc #twst au #finley tod oc #trey clover #jade leech #twst #disney twst #twisted wonderland #disney twisted wonderland #fox boy #foxboy #fox beastman #trey x finn x jade #mellosdrawings #the-fab-fox

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randomfoggytiger · 4 months ago

Text

React: A Late-Canon Reviler Gives the Revival a Try (My Struggle I), Part I

For David Duchovny’s birthday, I put out a poll asking Tumblr which of his projects I should watch for the first time.

The Revival won. Welp.

I then, fool that I am, put up another poll wherein I doomed myself by including an option to watch the whole thing.

And here we are.

My Struggle I.

Oh, boy.

This post will be long because I'm laying the groundwork for the rest of the series.

MY MODUS OPERANDI

I don’t care how cute or cuddly or happy or heartfelt individual MSR moments are, popcorn will be thrown if those scenes are achieved through incomplete, inane, or nonsensical plot points. Give me 1+1=2 or give me death.

The Revival is part of a whole that includes all of Seasons 1-9 and Fight the Future and I Want to Believe. As much as I prefer to distance this series from canon, the reality that it functions as a direct follow-up remains; and it needs to be judged accordingly.

And, as always, I separate the art from the artist~.

...WELP. It’s time to face my doom.

Let's go!

MY STRUGGLE IV

The intro’s… fine. Engaging, even.

I did notice, though: the last series and Fight the Future and I Want to Believe began with the same formula: glimpses from what will be an x-files case, then straight to Scully’s perspective. Usually Mulder’s narration and POV didn’t feature until the tail-end of a two or three parter, i.e. Redux or Amor Fati or… well, even then, it was juxtaposed against Scully’s.

Scully was the voice of The X-Files-- even Chris Carter noted that her report of each episode’s casefile became a motif of the show. Mulder’s narration was rare, very rare, even in episodes that were written to focus on him.

A definite and purposed choice, to be sure. Mulder as an active agent in his own story. …OR a story that focuses on Mulder’s voice instead of Scully’s.

We shall see.

The intro continues; and it’s still engaging, possibly gripping (too bad I know where this leads)... but the music got a bit LOTR there. Is that just me? Seems… mellow, orchestral, a little more fantasy than sci-fi. Am I nitpicking? Maybe.

The BIBLE references UFOs?? Lol, no. (Unless you count the objects described in Revelations-- the book, not the episode-- but even then, those are largely considered to be drones, not UFOs.)

Chris Carter, I see you.

(Note from the future: NOW I see why the Bible bit was included-- lots of heavy-handed "God means this, Scully" in order to get her on-board to join the files. Ugh.)

…They’re really doubling down on the UFO lore, huh. All of which evaporated because of global warming, I guess.

GUYS, why couldn’t this have been about life on Earth after Colonization?????

It fits with the disaster footage, it fits with Mulder’s voiceover, it fits with the character progression from Season 9 (I GUESS), it fits with a whooooooooooole ton of other factors.

I’ve never been one for wanting Colonization in canon, but it literally would have worked for this series. There wouldn't need to be a complete wipeout of humanity, maybe just a “disaster happened, but the humans are fighting back” scenario.

And that would fit with Mulder and Scully’s "breakup", PERHAPS-- they spent so much time working, trying to save the world (she in science, he on the ground or with untainted factions who coalitioned post-Colonization) that their relationship cracks would need to be actively worked through. Not broken up so much as together and repairing.

It would also help CC and co. to avoid the tempest of modern US politics and the more mainstream conspiracies that were taking hold at that time-- a broader reach to all audiences, a "bigger picture" for everyone to unite under.

(Guys, they should have let me write for this show. …I take it back, I’d have quit after three days.)

Also: The show writers spent all their brain power on this sequence and this sequence alone, didn’t they?

Obiwan Kenobi and Military Man are going on a bus somewhere.

...On closer inspection, neither man looks like anything like Obiwan Kenobi, but the nickname is staying.

We’re back to Scully at a hospital-- not unlike I Want to Believe’s opening.

Skinner called? Oh. Didn’t know he was “here” this early.

WAIT.

Wait, wait, wait.

Scully just called up Mulder like nothing’s a big deal? He answered like nothing’s a big deal? She’s smiling over his joke from the get-go?

…And we’re supposed to believe they’re seriously broken up. Which the show will insist is the case.

David and Gillian really said, “Script? What script?” and did what they wanted. I salute them.

Also, “What’s happening out there, Scully?” is a great line to point to Mulder’s continued isolation… which the series will IMMEDIATELY toss aside because he’s, apparently, not been as much of a hermit lately? (Granted, this could be a joke at his own expense because he’s no longer claimed by ~the darkness~, but…. I don’t think the writing’s gonna be that clever, I’ll be honest.)

Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

Fine, I admit it.

I’m loving this so far.

And that’s gonna make me even angrier later on.

“Why doesn’t he [Skinner] just call me?”

“He doesn’t know how to reach you, Mulder. I barely know myself.”

Mulder is baffled and a tinge annoyed, Scully is amused and straight shooting.

THERE IS NO HINT, BEHAVIOR, OR MANNERISM SUGGESTING THEY’VE BROKEN UP. None. At all. He’s isn’t reluctant to answer her call, isn’t sad or withdrawn, isn’t affected by anything she’s saying other than to be teasy or poky. She isn’t hesitant to call, isn’t sad or depressed, isn’t anything other than a little pleased to dangle a juicy tidbit in front of Mulder’s face.

This is gonna follow IWTB’s ping-pong writing-- they’re fun and in-character, they’re suddenly out-of-character, they’re fun and in-character, they’re suddenly out-of-character, etc. etc. etc.-- isn’t it?

(Mulder taping over his laptop’s webcam is a great touch and not something at all that I’ve done before. At all.)

“I thought you were done with UFOs-- the ‘stranglehold they put on your very existence’, I believe you put it.”

“I’m just the messenger, Mulder.”

That’s GOOD, that’s necessary writing. That’s planting the seeds of what happened between them, what led to a cooldown or a breakup or a whathaveyou. AND STILL neither character acts as if they’ve broken up: no melancholy, no sadness, no nothing.

Mulder’s timbre became a little sardonic while quoting back her words, but that doesn’t mean they’ve broken up. If anything, that points to a bicker and line-in-the-sand between them-- him bringing up UFOs at the dinner table and her reminding him to talk to someone else about it before turning the topic to how the lettuce is growing or something.

Neither actor is performing like one would if pain and trauma and heartbreak and distance were placed between them; and that really complicates things because the breakup is built on top of the aforementioned list of struggles.

Would Mulder have dug his heels in post 2012, seeing it as a sign that “the aliens” just changed their plans? Yes.

Would Scully have seen a pursuit down that rabbit hole as a waste of time? Debatable. The Truth S9 Scully wouldn’t have-- the aliens are still out there; and they cost her months of her life, months of Mulder’s abduction, months of Mulder’s death, months of Mulder’s separation, and the ultimate cost: William’s adoption and their life on the run. Post The Truth Scully would have seen this as her quest, too: she won’t give up, she says in the finale, because he won’t.

IWTB Scully, however, would- and that's a problem.

I’ve already discussed, at length, how out-of-character Scully was in I Want to Believe (posts here.) Although Mulder doesn’t escape from the same writing blunders, she is really, really scalped: of her courage, of her will, of her determination.

Whenever Scully gave up, in canon, it was only because she thought she was holding Mulder back, or when she felt Mulder had lost his faith and trust in her. That held true in Season 9-- despite the appalling writing choices there, too-- but didn’t in IWTB.

The Revival had the perfect opportunity to factory reset the writers' mistakes: portray a wiser duo who continue to fight the fight according to their strengths, like they always have before Mulder ever met Scully. (When Mulder tells Scully to set up a meeting with Skinner, he adds, “Don’t pretend I’m going alone”-- which reinforces my point.)

But I know that's not going to happen.

Scully goes without argument-- THAT’S GOOD, THAT’S GOOD CHARACTER WRITING. At this point in the game, of course she would-- they trust each other, they have for years, they’d have reached even deeper levels after going on the run for [insert math] years. All good things!

The problem: this will create a huge conflict with her actions later.

(I’m already so disappointed.)

“Uber?”/”Hitchhiking. Relax, Scully, I’m kidding” was a fun modernization of their humor, I’ll take it.

This scene is starting to highlight the distance between them, which is all well-and-good, but feels tonally different from the previous scene. As in, their two scenes were definitely filmed on different days, in different moods, and with different intents.

She’s worried about him, with tears in her eyes; he has his walls up; there’s distance, as previously noted.

“Good for you to get out of that little house every once in a while”/”Certainly was good for you” is followed up with knowing, indulgent, pleased smiles and you expect me to believe these two are seriously broken up. Nope. I’ve seen Scully sad but amused, I’ve seen Scully too sad to be amused, but these two? This moment? Nah.

Tonally dissonant-- the IWTB problem: at-ease and close one minute, at-odds and distant the next. Hoorayyyyyy....

None of this makes sense for a long-term, permanent (as Scully infers later to someone else) breakup. Nor for a short-term, semi-permanent one. Math doesn’t math.

“I’m always happy to see you,” she says, implying he's the one who permanently pulled away… which will be contradicted later this very episode.

“I’m always happy to find a reason [to leave the house],” he says, somberly.

Both of which are odd lines.

If he’s happy to leave the house to see her… why hasn’t he?

If she’s happy to see him, always, but says a relationship between them was "impossible" (which she will later), why is Scully staring at him with heart eyes, hoping he gets better so they can continue their relationship? (And mark my words, this tone underscores her interactions with him the rest of this series.)

Tad’s here. He’s... fine. He represents the overly cautious very well. At least he hasn’t gone full Alex Jones mockumentary (...yet.)

I’ve heard criticisms that Mulder and Scully don’t act like themselves in this series, but based off the few minutes I’ve seen here… I don’t agree.

The essence is the same. Truly. Scully’s got the same face that lights up the same way, Mulder’s got the same expressions and young-at-heart humor. Neither are really melancholic. Neither are David or Gillian esque.

Perhaps that will change.

(Note from the future: OH BOY. Which Mulder and Scully are we talking here-- OG Mulder and Scully? Nope. IWTB Mulder and Scully? Yep. David and Gillian? Once or twice.)

But, again, their interactions feel… wasted. Hollow. They’re supposed to be broken up, but their breakup doesn’t contribute to their interactions or the plot. They’re supposed to have suffered and are working back to each other… but they aren’t really separated, haven’t seemed to suffer (note from future: except for one scene which comes outta nowhere), and won’t collapse back together on-screen.

They’re supposed to be wiser and more mature, but they’ll still engage in a silly will-they-won’t-they while Mulder eats up the latest UFO or conspiracy slop he’s either already engaged in or debunked [insert math] years ago and Scully clings to her cowardice like a leech.

First nagging problem: Scully smiling at Tad, Scully excusing Mulder’s mannerisms when he becomes briefly jealous, Scully making nice with a conspiracy nut.

…Isn’t that Mulder’s job? Didn't she leave because conspiracies were consuming her life? Does this mean she actually does want this life back but is she playing coy or elusive because...?

Furthermore, when Mulder popped a comment off to a witness or informant in the past, Scully never excused him-- just breezed over it professionally with another question. She’s only saying “excuse him” here because she’s taken a shine to Tad. WHY, on this post-2012 global warming green Earth, WOULD SHE?

Tad says Mulder is the X-Files, Mulder says that “book is closed”... WAIT. Wait, hold up--

Pause. Stop. Rewind.

Mulder wants to believe. Actual proof is hard to come by.

Tad thinks Mulder is the X-Files.

MULDER SAYS… *ahem*... Mulder says, “I’m afraid that book is closed.” …Which means he’s no longer into UFOs or aliens, too. SO. why did Scully LEAVE.

If that’s behind him, why aren’t they together again???? Mulder didn’t know who Tad O’Malley was a minute or so ago, meaning he’s been outta the conspiracy scene for a bit. That MEANS his departure from Conspiracyville's been long enough to patch-up his obsession and ensuing depression, I guess.

But then... what about Scully??

Because Mulder wants her to come back (already subtly established in each scene), and Scully is concerned for his welfare; but Scully thinks he’s still into UFO conspiracy and hasn’t come back because of it? BUT SHE ISN’T SHOCKED WHEN HE SAYS “I’m afraid that book is closed” MEANING SHE KNOWS HE’S PUT THAT BEHIND HIM... BUT STILL HASN’T RETURNED?

And both of them aren’t acting as if they’ve broken up, anyway, except for a pointed line of dialogue here and a brief reaction there before they yeet back to the status quo.

They’ve left that behind them, Scully says, for better or worse. And Mulder latches onto that better or worse, making a pointed barb at their breakup, but…. There’s no writing glue, just suggestion and inference; and the suggestions themselves don’t add up.

Here come the bullet points.

Season 10 posits Mulder became depressed after the aliens didn’t invade in 2012-- that’s reasonable and logical, his nature is depressive when his expectations are subverted or smashed or etc.

Season 10 also posits Scully left because Mulder became too much to deal with. That’s… not logical, since her nature is to rescue and nurture, even when Mulder’s being an actual boil on her sittin’ cheeks (ala Demons, etc., etc.)

Season 10 posits Mulder’s hard to get a hold of-- despite being in the same house the FBI helicoptered to in IWTB-- and posits it might be hard for Scully to get a hold of him-- despite the fact both characters easily got in contact, knew it was each other, and even joked about the fact it’s hard to get in contact with Mulder… which means it really isn't. (The script doesn’t catch these discrepancies, of course, pretending Mulder is very hidden away at the same ol' house he'd been discovered at in 2008.)

Season 10 says Scully doesn’t want UFOs to be part of her life anymore, that it was a stranglehold… yet she came along on a conspiracy gig without question to… what? Be around Mulder? But then, why warm up to the conspiracy guy-- an embodiment of what drove her and her partner apart?

Season 10 posits Mulder chased Scully off with his conspiracy spiraling YET ALSO states he’s put that part of his life-- conspiracies, UFOs, the X-Files-- behind him. Which implies: A. Mulder’s aaaaaaall better now and B. he put that all behind him but Scully never came home and C. Scully shouldn’t know he put that all behind him if that’s what’s keeping her away; but she does know because his declaration doesn’t take her by surprise, which means she’s still driven away and concerned for him for no discernable reason.

Season 11 posits Scully didn’t leave because Mulder became too much to deal with but because she, too, had issues to deal with. This point wasn't mentioned or hinted at in the episode that introduces their breakup, which makes that line of reasoning a complete rewrite. (Whatever. I’ll judge how well that’s executed when I get there.)

It doesn’t add up.

Are we surprised.

Five seconds after this, I had to listen to a back-and-forth between Tad O’Malley and Mulder on conspiracies and Conservatives and alien beliefs and the O’Reilly Factor and….

This seems out of touch, I’m not sorry.

When this show aired, Conservatives already had their miles-long conspiracy theories. For Mulder to be ignorant of that fact while allegedly knowing exactly who and what Tad believes while also alleging….

More bullet points!

Fox “I’m afraid that book is closed” Mulder has, supposedly, been out of the conspiracy scene.

Fox “I’m afraid that book is closed” Mulder isn’t aware that not only did 2015 Conservatives believe in aliens-- despite the fact Tad is a watered-down copy-paste of Alex Jones-- but that there were also Conservative believers in the 90s (who were a fringe in their own group, but.) This was Mulder’s expertise; and his eidetic memory isn’t likely to have tossed that info because it was no longer relevant to his life.

Fox “I’m afraid that book is closed” Mulder has supposedly not been out of the conspiracy scene-- despite saying he is-- because he does know who Tad O’Malley is-- despite not knowing who he was two minutes ago.

Mulder is assuming that Conservatives “of your credentials” don’t believe in UFOs or “9/11 false-flag conspiracies” despite people from the Left, Center, and Right publicly believing those conspiracies in 2015.

Fox “I’m afraid that book is closed” Mulder is supposed to be dismantling Tad’s grift; but he (and the writers) sound uneducated and incredibly out-of-touch during this dialogue-- as if all Conservatives were still Bush-era believers. Most were suspicious of the government by this time (they helped elect a man who ran on a “drain the swamp” campaign, after all.) Mulder’s bewilderment here is old and tired, even by 2015 standards.

This writing is flashy-- long sentences, quick back-and-forths-- but poorly constructed and badly executed.

This is also the first segment where David Duchovny is peeking through Fox Mulder; where Scully is swinging wildly between absolutely-fine-with-Mulder and we’re-no-longer-together; and where we, the audience, are being force-fed that only one side of the political aisle believes in aliens-- or the Bigger Question or whatever-- on a show that wants to poke at unfounded conspiracy beliefs.

Oh, look! Scully made a Scully-face, so everything’s good now!

(UuuuuuuuUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH--)

Sveta. Aww, I like her--

“You don’t remember me.”

“No, I think I’d remember.”

WHAT WAS THAT.

Show writers, STOP with the romantic triangulation, it’s NOT. GONNA. HAPPEN. David doesn’t even TRY to make that romantic-ish. Yet you angle on Scully’s face as if she’s supposed to be out-of-the-loop and a tinge jealous.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, hoooooooooooooooooooold up.

Svetta was a dark-haired little girl Mulder interviewed after her first abduction, meaning she’s set up to be another Samantha.

So…………………. What’s with the murky jealousy issue, CHRIS. You wedged it in solely so Scully would feel jealous over Mulder? Y’know. Like I Want to Believe?

And I say Chris Carter because he wanted to play the breakup angle:

"We do it in an interesting way," Carter told The Hollywood Reporter. "We put some of the tension back in that was relieved by them being together. It added to the storytelling opportunities. It's something that I came up with; I had been thinking about it. There was always talk of [breaking them up] if we did another movie."

The first shot canon takes right between the eyes:

Scully being “familiar” with the “screen memories” abductees are given was a cool touch… except she’s never been given “screen memories.” The abductees in Jose Chung’s From Outer Space were given screen memories-- she was returned a blank slate. (Even Mulder didn’t have “screen memories” after his abduction.)

Scully poking Sveta about aliens taking her unborn fetuses seems a tad (heh) strong except all the alien-related pregnancies have been the result of government testing, not alien probes. So. If this scene followed canon's rules, her skepticism would be warranted.

But this skepticism is still odd.

Two seconds ago, she was making nice to Tad O’Malley in the car, and now she’s leading the questioning for Sveta. The odd icing on top of this odd cake is that Scully left because she didn’t want UFOs to have a stranglehold on her life, yet here she is leading an interview with an abductee.

Sveta: “I have alien DNA, for sure.”

Scully: “Have you had a doctor confirm that?”

Sveta: “No.”

Me, too, Mulder. Me, too.

Scully doesn’t question the alien DNA bit, so that’s good.

…I’ll bet everyone forgets she and Mulder have a bit lingering in their systems from the black oil and his brain thingy and residue from when she touched the ship and and and.

“Something you can test. Dana.”

What… what was that.

Honestly, what was that. Whatever mood David was conveying through Mulder, it didn’t match anything from any previous scenes, let alone this one.

Is he poking at Scully? Why? He’s not jealous anymore (if he even was.) The way he says it and her expression in response implies they have a tense back-and-forth going on, but they don’t. THEY DON’T.

We’re 13 minutes in and I could make another numerical list. But I won’t. Yet.

Back to not-Obiwan Kenobi and Military Man.

That alien’s stupid bad-looking.

Wait.

That’s not how canon said Roswell unfolded.

And the first alien shot on Earth was by Deep Throat’s hands-- that was his whole turning-point backstory.

CURSE YOU, LACK OF A SHOW BIBLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Note from the future: All of that past canon? Fake. Faked. All lies. None of that happened.)

“What have you done??” Not-Obiwan Kenobi yells… and what have they done?

Back to Scully and Sveta.

Sveta can move things with her mind-- not all the time-- but at least Scully is listening to her claims without automatically shutting them down.

But also…

“I can move things. With my mind,” should have IMMEDIATELY had a greater impact on Scully, up-close-and-personal as she was to her son’s abilities. But nope! No reaction! Of course!

Sveta “You were together but now you’re not” is asking the right questions. I don’t even mind Sveta. I’ll bet this episode’s the last time we see her, though.

Does she contribute to anything? No. But she’s nice, so.

WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

Scully diagnosed-- wait, hold up, list time.

Scully diagnosed Mulder with depression.

That killed their relationship.

…THAT killed their relationship? After everything?

The writers are going to have to explain, in detail, why that killed it.

Why does canon need to explain? Because we have a history of Scully sticking by Mulder during the worst periods of both their lives-- leaving him would have to require a very, very good reason.

And there is no indication, thus far, that Mulder’s depression drove a humungous wedge between them, forcing her to walk away. In fact, there is no indication a wedge exists between them, AT ALL-- only the odd, inconsistent word or phrase here or there that bears no weight on the plot or their ultimate decisions.

Whenever Scully left in canon, it was because she could no longer help Mulder. Season 11 will rewrite Season 10’s initial explanation but setting that aside: we’re not given any indication that she did try to help him; or that his depression was so deep and so dangerous that it drove her away.

And if it were that deep or that dangerous enough to drive her away, Scully leaving would have been the last and worst possible action she could have taken. If Mulder's mental state was in such a massive nose-dive that she couldn’t handle what he was going through, Scully-- a medical professional-- would have had him hospitalized, even temporarily against his will, because she would know (per Demons or Gethsemane or Amor Fati) that this level of depression always manifested in suicidal tendencies for her partner.

But Mulder, as per the rules laid out in this episode, never went that far in his deterioration. (Note from the future: We'll get to that.)

If he had, Skinner would have been aware of his hospitalization and wouldn’t have asked for his help; Scully would have been aware and wouldn’t have passed on the information; and Scully wouldn’t have called from the hospital with a degree of buoyancy when relaying Skinner's request to Mulder.

In short: Scully leaving = very big, very drastic measure. Mulder suffering from depression = very big, very bad consequences. Scully's nature and past actions = getting Mulder help, even if he resists at first (i.e. shooting him in the shoulder to save his life.) Mulder and Scully's partnership = unbroken, except through distrust or botched writing.

“And you have a child together.”

Wow, that wasn’t clunky at all.

SCULLY STICKS SVETA HARD WITH A NEEDLE BECAUSE SVETA MENTIONS WILLIAM, darkly saying "That's enough", SO SVETA WOULD KNOW SHE DID IT ON PURPOSE.

I’m… so disgusted. Like, eck. Urk. Awful.

Telling Sveta to back off, strongly, would be in-character; USING PAIN TO DO SO is…. So wrong on so many levels. Scully never utilized medicine to inflict pain or injury on her enemies.

Wow, this grossed me out. You know why?

Scully diagnosed Mulder with depression and left. At first glance, that seem like an out-of-character action that the writing can salvage later by this or that means.

BUT THEN, Scully inflicts pain on Sveta for mentioning William, leaving the audience with the impression that she’s vindictive.

Which then connects the dots between “vindictive” and “left Mulder when he was diagnosed with depression.”

And since we, the audience, haven’t been given a stronger reason for how Mulder’s depression got that bad or why she didn’t help him through it, we’re then left with a sour impression of Scully’s character.

The writers then try to imply Sveta was spilling out Scully’s personal secrets to prove that her powers were real, but that still doesn’t give Scully the right to abuse her power. Especially because a traumatized woman was trying any method possible to be believed.

And the fact that Sveta is also a victim of the government weaponizing science and medicine makes me even angrier at Scully.

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, BOY, another helicopter outside the Unremarkable House, my favorite part of IWTB....

Mulder’s never seen… an alien replica vehicle.

Oh, my mistake: “No. Never. Not like that.” Covering all the bases, I see. Y’know, in case the writers FORGOT MULDER SAW ONE in SEASON 1, EPISODE 2.

OH, LOOK, he’s got his wonder face back, everything’s aaaaaaaaaaaaall better now!

Running on free energy they’ve had since the 40s, sure Jan. Whatever you say.

This just feels so old. Like. Tech we haven’t had since the 40S, GUYS, GET IT, BIG MONEY CORPOS KEPT IT FROM US. Yeah, we got it.

And the flashbacks to Not-Obiwan Kenobi just walking off with an alien corpse because Military Man didn’t… see… value in studying… it. I guess.

Scully doing “God’s work” giving kids ears because their biology neglected it.

I admit, that’s an intriguing window into her perspective of God vs. science, and how she sees a person’s biology separate from God messing them over or messing them up just because. I dig it.

(Note from the future: This will be used as a plotline club rather than a nuanced discussion of her faith.)

Mulder being the most challenging relationship she’s ever had-- “and the most impossible”-- is a weird line. Because yes, it’s true that their relationship is challenging; but her fervor at impossible is the only time in this episode we see an adversarial tendency, DESPITE My Struggle I trying to drum up moments to prove TENSIONS still LINGER (they don't.)

It’s IWTB all over again. Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.

“Yeah. I got that impression.” Tad says, and Scully’s hurt because she thinks Mulder gave Tad that impression of her.

So. So. Wait.

Scully lied when she stated “It’s impossible” because she didn't like Tad poking into her private affairs?

But she sounded truly convinced their relationship was "impossible" while saying it.

So, she was either angry or still confused about her emotions-- which is fine, Scully's not always in-tune with her inner workings-- when Tad replied, "I got that impression."

Which explains why she was so hurt at Mulder's seeming rejection.

Because she thinks Mulder’s behavior led Tad to that conviction.

Which means CC just wants Mulder and Scully to be caught in a miscommunication fic.

Also, why is Tad so sad about this? Were they his OTP, or is he pretending to sympathize to get in Scully’s pants? Because that’d be crummy, Chris, to have her be overly nice to Tad only for him to try to twist that into an opening as the new conspiracy guy on the block.

On a lighter note, Chris Carter said Mulder and Scully could still get it in their 50s, so there’s that.

HE DID, HE DID SET SCULLY UP TO BE PURSUED BY TAD--

WHAT. WHAT. WHAT WHAT WHAT--

KNOCK IT OFF, CHRIS.

Poor Sveta. She’s gonna be butchered in this script, isn’t she?

The series is EATING up vast amounts of time with very little scale or grounding. For all I know, a day or a week could have passed.

It’s so, so badly paced.

Mulder’s investigating now, without Scully, because he noticed Sveta had a tell during the interview.

Um.

Sure, that’s a Mulder thing to do.

Oh, wait. This is the “work of men” realization.

The dialogue between Mulder’s questions and Sveta’s answers are really disjointed, as if they’re mildly talking past each other-- another aspect of IWTB I couldn’t stand.

Welp, at least it’s easy to prove they were both written by the same people.

The second shot-in-the-head for canon:

“Sveta, who took your babies?”

“Men.”

“Men? Humans? You saw their faces.”

Also, Sveta’s babies are referred to as her babies, but William-Jackson isn’t Scully’s baby despite sharing half her DNA but Emily Sim was Scully’s baby despite also only sharing half her DNA.

It’s a mess.

Well… Mulder doesn’t seem too surprised here that men were involved in her abductions (I mean, he's long since been aware the government was involved from day one, so.) It’d be really stupid if the writing made him surprised about this later, wouldn’t it?

…Wouldn’t it?

Another poorly constructed set of lines:

“I haven’t worked for them [the government] in years.”

“But you always wondered… if they were lying to you, too.”

No, he didn’t wonder-- he believed it.

A wonky way to address his old skepticisms, for sure.

JUST AFTER I NOTED THAT MULDER DIDN’T LOOK SURPRISED AT SVETA'S REVELATION, HE CALLS UP SCULLY AND MAKES A BIG DEAL ABOUT IT BEING A CONSPIRACY OF MEN.

I knew this was coming, but maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan that was so, so poorly handled.

SCULLY WAS GETTING (sort of) WINED AND DINED BY TAD O’MALLEY??????????????

I HATE IT HERE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, WHAT IS HAPPENING, WHAT IN THE WORLD AND WHY, HOW COULD YOU BE SO EASILY FLEECED, DANA, THIS ISN’T AN ED JERSE PARALLEL BECAUSE YOU THINK MULDER DOESN’T WANT YOU, THIS IS STUPID, THIS IS THIS IS THIS IS

WHAT.

I thought Scully had dated Tad O’Malley in the past (sometime after the breakup) but this is worsefarworse.

SVETA IS THE KEY TO EVERYTHING, I’M SO TIRED.

“Mulder, where are you going?” sounds exactly like Scully, and now I’m mad Gillian didn’t use that voice for the rest of the show (voice recovery aside....)

I KNEW SKINNER WAS BEHIND GETTING THEM BACK. He just calls up Scully to call Mulder up, then just unlocks the old office when Mulder wants to get back in. 110% Skinner thought this would help his buddy Mulder. And he’s not wrong.

Wait.

Did Skinner put in more effort to save Mulder from his mental health struggles (per this My Struggle I episode) than Scully??????

Iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii-- my brain is broken.

The hold on Skinner’s face while he says “Can you tell me what this is about” was way too long.

Also, don’t try to play coy with me, Skinman.

Now the camera’s zooming around and losing its “X-Files” feel by being too… modern.

Skinner telling Mulder to calm down is the only time in canon where I agree with him. Mulder’s just spouting and demanding and not really making clear sense and this is why you don't let Mulder back into his basement without Scully by his side, Skinner-- don’t you remember that lesson?

Skinner telling Mulder to calm down then saying he doesn’t take orders from him only for Mulder to say “Who do you take orders from?”, ugh.

GUYS, THIS WAS RESOLVED IN SEASON. 2. BECAUSE MULDER KNEW MEN WERE BEHIND THE CONSPIRACY SINCE SEASON 1, EPISODE 2; AND SKINNER SINCE SEASON 2, EPISODE ASCENSION.

BECAUSE SKINNER’S ALREADY HAD HIS LOYALTY TESTED AND THIS IS HURTING MY BRAIN MAKE IT END.

I’m not even 25 minutes into this, help.

“Why do you think I called you? Because I was looking out for you, because I’ve always looked out for you.” Is… is Skinner the only character who’s progressed? That’s exactly what he would do-- he’s acting sensibly, rationally, and in-character... and more mature, more veteran, than his agents.

I know the Revival is supposed to be “Mulder and Scully all grown-up” but none of their actions have been intelligent, measured, or informed by their age or life experience. It’s a farce that I hope future episodes will rectify.

“A decade of my life--” Mulder rants and kicks his poster like a toddler AND YOU KNEW ALL THIS INFORMATION FROM SEASON 1, MULDER. NONE OF THIS IS NEW. WWWWWWWWWWWWWWHAT IS THIS.

I can’t imagine how disappointed philes were when they tuned into this episode. Well... I can because of how I feel; but at least I knew, roughly, how bad it would be going in.

This is worse.

Skinner: “You’re blaming me for that?”

Mulder: “No, I’m blaming myself. I’m sure they lied to you, too.”

This isn’t a revelation, chump.

At least Skinner confirms my theory: “There hasn’t been a day since you’ve left that I haven’t reached for my phone to call you, Mulder, wishing you were still down here.”

Feral Mulder is touched.

“Since 9/11--” OH NO, WHY ARE WE GOING THERE “--this country’s taken a big turn and in a very strange direction.”

Guys. Guys. This isn’t… this… what.

“Now they police us, spy on us, and tell us that makes it safer--” CAN THE WRITERS GET OFF A SOAP BOX FOR FIVE SECONDS. Of course it isn’t safer to be unnecessarily policed or spied on, but the answer isn't just "boo, the government!" What… why… my brain’s melting, I feel it deteriorating.

This, again, feels so Bush-era. Like, whoever wrote this didn’t update their mentality.

Also, the camera shots and cuts are weird. Holding too long, zooming out at “pause and take THAT in” moments, focusing on Mulder’s phone while he silently calls up Skinner to prove a point… it’s supremely unsubtle.

Back to Tad, I don’t care. You did this to yourself, Scully, cozying up only to be used as a name drop on his show. Stupid.

Is Scully gonna be shocked she has alien DNA? She shouldn’t be.

But then again, Mulder shouldn’t be shocked this has all been a work of men, so.

She’s expecting-- no, hoping-- for a call from somebody named Mulder.

Sure, they’re broken up with hard feelings. Sure. Absolutely.

Is this old man Not-Obiwan Kenobi?

Of course.

At least Mulder seems old hat at this informant business.

But of course, he’s “not even close” to putting it all together.

Stupid.

WAIT.

The countdown was WRONG-- Mulder states it began, not ended in 2012, meaning he's believed this theory for some time. Meaning... why was he so depressed after 2012? Why are there still depression concerns in 2015?? Seriously, what's with his depression if the 2012 Colonization was allegedly the cause of it but there is no Colonization and the clock's simply been reset????

WHY WAS HE DEPRESSED IF HE RECONFIGURED THE COUNTDOWN. WHAT.

Mulder: "Not by aliens, not with aliens, but by a conspiracy of men--"

“You’re wasting my time.” Tell him, old man Not-Obiwan Kenobi!

“Ten years ago, you came to me--”

Wait, ten years ago? What, 2005? The guy showed up while Mulder was on the run? And Scully never… knew about this?

There were no aliens lighting each other on fire??????????????????? WAIT, I NEVER HEARD THIS INFORMATION.

THERE WERE NEVER ALIENS, AT ALL???????????????????? Like, AT ALL?????

The writers are saying that Scully's experience on Ruskin Dam in Season 5 was not two warring alien factions BUT TWO GROUPS OF MEN LIGHTING EACH OTHER ON FIRE, OR GIVING EVERYONE FALSE MEMORIES OF ALIENS LIGHTING EACH OTHER ON FIRE, OR...??????

hONESTLY.

Let's be real specific for a second: Chris Carter expects us to believe that the ENTIRE mytharc from the original show was ALL faked; that there were no aliens, ZERO, ZILCH; and that CSM and Deep Throat and all the others created elaborate schemes JUST to manipulate MULDER because the aliens weren't a threat from the start????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????? DON’T BELIEVE YOUR LYING EYES. THEY WERE ALL MEN IN SUITS.

Like… do you realize how stupid that is? How actually, unfathomably stupid that is? It’s not just “the aliens didn’t invade because of global warming,” no, it’s “they were never a problem to begin with, we just manipulated Mulder into believing they were because… because he’s so important, I GUESS.”

Roswell’s also a smokescreen, of course.

Y’know how, during the 90s, DD thought The X-Files was a stupid sci-fi show? If he thought each mytharc plot was as bad as this one, no wonder he wanted to bail.

Oh, by the way, the global warming explanation is part of a theory: the fascist elites will dominate the world and escape from consequences into space, leading the rest of humanity to die by a globally warmed planet. The aliens weren't chased off by global warming because they were never a factor to begin with.

Wow.

I CAUGHT A CONTINUITY ERROR!

Scully shows up at his place in her uniform from yesterday, panicked, like she’d just run from Tad’s side to see what happened despite her saying over a day has passed.

Going to ignore his “What are you doing here, Scully?” because we’ve ping-ponged back to the out-of-character Mulder that the writers use when it’s time to remind everyone he and Scully are broken up.

It’s IWTB all over again, I’m so tired.

They’re talking past each other and he’s touching her shoulders now because he needs her to trust him and yadda yadda yadda.

It’s soooo, sooooo, soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo highschool, I’m sorry. This is Riverdale. This is [insert whatever teen series you want to watch.] These are teenagers masquerading as adults, for the angst.

None of this holds up, their emotions shift left and right without provocation, things just happen, and there is no strand of continuity stringing anything together.

Scully trying to talk Mulder down from further pursuit doesn’t make sense because, AGAIN, she’s the one who's always gone back to the files even when he walks away; and every time he’s given up, or wanted to, SHE'S called him back and held him accountable and kept him going.

This is the Scully from IWTB with no gumption of her own, who denies her leaps forward because of plot, plot, plot.

Guys, I’ve been religiously dosing myself with caffeine (via chocolate), but my body keeps trying to make me go to sleep because it’s so uninvested. I don't even need sleep.

“This is my life, this is, this is everything I believe in--” HOW. MANY. TIMES. Has he said this before. WHEN HAS THAT LINE EVER WORKED ON SCULLY.

But that's beside the point: "this" was no longer his life after Amor Fati, by his own choice. Closure brought him closure, but he was already spittin' walk-away talk by Requiem, chose to leave in Vienen, and insisted Scully stay gone in Alone. In Season 9, it was Scully who had to beg him into hiding to pursue the Truth or whatever; and it was Scully who brought him the case in IWTB and Scully who relayed Skinner's request and tagged along both times until she got uncomfy and decided never mind, too hard.

Y’know? This claim gets to me because it’s a lie. A lie so blatant that 90s Mulder would have thrown hands over it, a lie so baseless that it erases his declaration in the hallway:

“I don’t know if I want to do this alone. I don’t even know if I can.” And every time Mulder yells his “THIS IS MY LIFE”, he erases that part of his past, the part that willingly left the files or the big Truth or the next chase to save Scully’s life or to keep her by his side.

Chris Carter said Mulder and Scully were The X-Files post The Truth… but I guess he keeps conveniently forgetting that. More accurately, he keeps making MULDER forget that, in spite of all evidence in Mulder’s history and personality to the contrary.

It infuriates me.

“Tad O’Malley is a charming man--” get outta here.

Now Scully’s been played the fool so she’s going to think Mulder’s being toyed around with by a social media sociopath. You’re an idiot, Scully.

You’re an idiot, Mulder.

You expect us to be idiots, writers.

Here’s some ham-fisted “Fate” dialogue for you, *ahem*:

Scully: “How do you know he’s not playing you, he’s a player!” (You would know, Scully.)

Mulder: “He’s a Godsend!”

Mulder’s not a believer in God, BUT this is also supposed to refer to the God conversation Scully and Tad had in the hospital, which will inadvertently make Scully ~believe~ again.

“What are you talking about?” I’m with ya there, Scully. I’m with ya, there.

Scully’s trying to insist Mulder's on a verge of a breakdown, which… UGH.

This scene implies Mulder hasn’t had a breakdown or a break from reality YET-- Scully spends the episode constantly concerned for his health and begging him, here, to watch what where he's stepping because he’s on the verge of spiraling.

Which means he hasn't spiraled, because she's afraid of what would happen to him IF he did.

MEANING that there wasn’t an inciting factor that made her leave: no alcoholism, no outbursts, no nothing. He just became depressed, probably withdrawn, and wouldn’t change; so, she left.

Do you realize what that means, per this episode? It means Scully ANTICIPATED a breakdown and left BEFORE it happened. Then hoped he’d get better before it did.

Which breaks the established morals of her character. If she had been able to help, she would have stayed. If she hadn’t been able to help, she would have found another way to help him, even if it involved calling in a third party against his will. Instead, she withdrew and hoped he would get better BEFORE he reached a breaking point-- essentially, leaving him to an impending breakdown while hoping and praying against it.

This makes her decision to leave a mark of weak character-- not because she was a woman who left her depressed husband, but because Dana Scully, whose character we amply know, left. It checks none of the boxes she'd have to clear first before choosing to take one step out the door.

All the fic I’ve read to justify their breakup-- and make no mistake, CC wrote her to say “as your friend” intentionally-- or time apart or whathaveyou had Scully reach a breaking point. Because, of course! That's logical. But here, in canon-- in black and white-- that didn’t happen.

We, the audience, have to create a plausible scenario in our minds to justify the steps she took. Because. it. Is. not. In. canon (as per this episode.)

Now Scully’s gonna get jealous of Sveta, I’m so done. Riverdale, uuuuuuuuugh.

Mulder just lets Scully walk away because Scully thinks he wants Sveta but “Sveta is the key to everything” and if Scully wants to misunderstand that she should have more trust in him, I guess, and I NEED A RESPIRATOR.

He just says “Scully” once and lets her huff off.

TAD’S BACK, GO AWAY.

WAIT, TAD STOPS HER BEFORE SHE LEAVES.

Mulder: “I would have invited you, Scully, but I didn’t think you would come.”

That’s…

That’s….

Let’s break down this stupidity:

Scully shows up.

Mulder had Sveta in the house because he was calling her and O'Malley for a group meeting.

When Scully becomes nearly hysterical over his safety, he doesn’t reason with her, just spouts like a lunatic.

When she misreads the Sveta situation and stomps off, he lets her go with a weak, “Scully"--

--because he knew Tad was right behind her and was pulling in to stop her from leaving.

Because Tad and Sveta were invited but Scully was not.

And Scully was not invited because.

Because she might not show up.

I’m just preaching to the choir at this point, continuing on.

Scully gave in, just like that. Guess she’s not leaving, anymore.

She’s so, so… spineless. Has been since Season 9, has been a BIT since Season 8 (though that was at least justified and kept to a bare minimum.)

I’m just. So sick of passive Scully.

I HATE THOSE STINGER NOISES NOW.

It’s always, “You can't let this information out because these men work in secrecy”/”What is it?”/”You’ll see”; then stinger; then we, the audience, are immediately shown what it is.

No suspenseful build-up.

Tad: “Then why are you [Scully] here?”/”Scully: “Mulder, what are you up to?”/Mulder: *knowing look*/stinger/next scene.

KNOCK IT OFF ALREADY.

“Implanting of alien embryos”-- so Sveta’s babies weren’t her babies.

So Scully’s baby wasn’t her baby.

But Emily was her baby but William isn’t.

Sure, Jan.

In spite of this information, the Revival will paint William as their son until it doesn’t; despite, again, stating from day one that the alien babies are implanted embryos and not biological babies.

So, these two boneheads should have suspected that William wasn’t theirs, anyway.

Even though William is theirs because the CSM timeline doesn’t add up, which they would have mathed in their heads by the time little William was snuggled in their arms.

It’s all so stupid.

Why does this feel so fearmongery about the government? And I’m not going to sit here and say the government should be trusted-- it has a VERY bad history, I'm aware. But this is “my first conspiracy” level of worldbuilding.

Did the writers think it was clever to set O’Malley up as a bad actor then reveal he was a good actor, modeling him after the notorious Alex Jones only to point and jeer, “HAH, you assumed! He’s actually on Mulder’s side!”

Because that’s not genius, that’s laziness.

Scully only now decides to inform everyone Sveta has no evidence of alien DNA? So, what, she was never going to tell them unless Mulder kept being, what, crazy?

“They got to her,” says Mulder about Sveta, but Scully LITERALLY SAID she had no alien DNA, so what was Sveta supposed to believe???????? That Tad O'Malley wasn't using her for as a hoax???

Mulder ran all the way to her house, or ubered then ran, or whatever… and she’s gone, of course.

Poor Sveta.

Tad O’Malley’s Truth Site is gone, oh, noooooo.

Look, I’ll always be against censorship. But this is sending so many odd and mixed signals that it’s creating craaaaaaaaaaaaazy levels of dissonance.

Mulder wrote “Don’t Give Up” in Scully's car dust….

Riverdale.

Mulder presents the global warming = no aliens theory?

I’m so tired.

WAIT, SCULLY BELIEVES MULDER'S THEORY NOW THAT HER BOY TAD’S BEEN PULLED OFF THE NETWORK.

“We need to find her [Sveta], Mulder,” Scully insists.

Hold on, prediction time: Scully only changed her mind because this case now involves her-- i.e. only extending empathy to Christian (a boy that reminded her of William) and not to the string of missing, possibly murdered, women in IWTB.

OF COURSE. Her results for Sveta ended up being wrong AND HER OWN GENOME HAS ALIEN DNA IN IT, TOO.

You selfish, self-centered clone of Dana Scully.

Scully truly hasn’t recovered since… Season 9, let’s be real, where she told Mulder to leave then spent the whole year crying over his absence. In IWTB, she brought Mulder a case then left him when he wouldn’t stop his pursuit (to SAVE. LIVES.) And in the Revival, she called Mulder and the gang crazy until her own genome showed alien DNA.

Hate this, hate this, HATE this.

Also, yeah, she already knew she had alien DNA in the OG series, moving on.

Oh, and now they get a call from Skinner just when Scully says someone has to stop the bad guys.

OF COURSE.

Remember the God convo from earlier, guys???? GOD. FATE. SOMETHINGSOMETHINGSOMETHING.

You had ONE good idea to explore-- how Scully views God vs. the aberrations of biology-- and then just... used it as a convenient club to beat in the “God/Fate means for us to do this” instead.

“Scully, are you ready for this?”

“I don’t know there’s a choice.”

Can’t someone PLEASE just explore her faith with nuance? PLEASE?

Sveta's DEAD???????? I’M SO MAD, I liked her!

YOU FAILED HER, SCULLY.

YOU FAILED MULDER, SCULLY.

WHY DOES SCULLY HAVE TO KEEP FAILING PEOPLE????????????

Skipping the CSM scene because I don’t care, the END.

CONCLUSION

How does Scully’s mischaracterization keep reaching new lows?

How does Mulder become less wise with age?

How is Skinner the only mentally mature character here?

I’m so tired.

#txf #React #Revival #A Late-Canon Reviler Gives the Revival a Try #Revival Reviler's first-time watch through #My Struggle I #mine #first-time watch through #Part I #x-files #xfiles #the x files #Mulder #Scully #Tad O'Malley #Sveta #S10 #xf meta #thoughts

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sunderingstars · 3 months ago

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☆━━━━━ ⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☾ ◯ ☽₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆ ━━━━━━☆

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ CHARACTER LINES ⌝

sampo analysis m.list

— what the stars reveal: interpretative analysis, somewhat a character study, elation!sampo

— word count: 4.6k (oh my god i am insane. he makes me insane)

— overview: (as of 2.4) an analysis of sampo’s character dialogue outside of quests!

☆━━━━━ ⋆⁺｡˚⋆˙‧₊☾ ◯ ☽₊‧˙⋆˚｡⁺⋆ ━━━━━━☆

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ INTRO ⌝

I’m putting this here because I wasn’t sure where else to put it, I just wanted to point out that his character intro describes him as someone who “travels freely” between two places (in this case, the Overworld and Underworld, but could also apply to multiple states of being) as well as saying he “acts” like he is everyone’s friend (performance) and is “enthusiastically humorous” (very similar to “infectious enthusiasm”). Being good at bantering also seems very Elation-aligned. That’s all!

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ FIRST MEETING ⌝

Each character’s “first meeting” line is arguably one of their most important lines. Not only does it give you a baseline introduction to them and their personality, but it shows you how they present themselves to others (i.e. the aspects of themselves they choose to consciously, or unconsciously, emphasize when meeting someone). For Sampo, this includes all of the “perks” that come with knowing him. Business, chaperoning, conversation — these are all part of a “deal” to him, a transaction of knowing and being known.

I haven’t talked about this much in my previous analyses, but Sampo has a very specific mindset of viewing friendship as a commodity. This could easily be chalked up to his idea of business and transaction rubbing off on other parts of his life, but given the strange emphasis he places on “being friends” throughout his dialogue, I’m suspicious it might be more than that. It seems he either isn’t willing to or isn’t capable of seeing genuine human connection as any more than another deal, another façade to do business with. It may be his way of keeping people at arm’s length, or perhaps the Elation won’t let him view people as anything more than another joke, another transaction of language and Laughter to make at another’s expense. Whatever the case, he seems dead-set on including “friendship” in his package deal when doing business.

I also find it interesting how he isn’t wrong. For someone who has a penchant for distorting the truth on a whim, Sampo is, in fact, a “chaperone” and “problem-solving conversationalist.” (“Businessman” is a given, we all know how well that’s going for him given that he literally has an idle where he counts his big stacks of money.) Despite not really having to, Sampo goes out of his way on Penacony to take the Trailblazer around and show us the dream bubble — even if it’s not a “traditional” chaperone role, it’s clear he was trying to look out for us in his own way (same thing on Belobog with the smoke bombs). Additionally, he’s very adept at solving problems by sheer virtue of talking, as shown by being the archetype that’s able to talk himself out of a myriad of situations. So at the end of the day, I guess I’d have to agree with him: it is a pretty sweet deal.

However, arguably the most intriguing thing about this line is the meta aspect of it — the big picture of his selling point being multiple things “rolled into one.” I don’t want to read too much into it, but I can’t help but wonder if this “three-in-one” phrase refers to more than just his skills. After all, if a running theme of his character is being a businessman and a chaperone and a problem-solving conversationalist, who’s to say it doesn’t apply to him being a Masked Fool and an Emanator and an Aeon (or a part of one, or a creation of one, or an avatar of one — honestly, at this point I feel like we can mix and match). At the very least, it would match up with the rule of three. Food for thought!

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ GREETING & PARTING ⌝

The greeting here seems pretty standard — going into it assuming he’ll get paid, then waffling and thinking about backing out when he realizes he won’t. What’s notable here, however, is that he covers it up by stumbling out a “Not a problem!” and continuing on with us. I feel like this partially shows how much he values friendship (despite clearly still wanting a payout) while also not quite having enough spine to straight up say “no” to us. The only thing I’m not sure about is if the Trailblazer is special in this regard, or if Sampo would keep going with anyone else.

The parting is a bit more notable, especially the idea of “I’m not going anywhere.” It seems half-comforting, half-threat, like he’ll always be a constant in our lives, for better or for worse. In a way, he may be like a never-ending joke we just can’t get rid of no matter how hard we try. (Don’t worry Sampo, I would never think of getting rid of you 😌.)

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ ABOUT SELF ⌝

This line, despite at first seeming like a joke, feels more personal the longer it goes on. The first “I’m an easygoing fella” seems like exactly the kind of thing a shady businessman would say when trying to drum up clients: “I’m personable,” “I look out for people,” “I’m a community man,” etc. However, by the time the line ends, it very much sounds like he’s referring to something specific. The idea of getting “pulled into everyone else’s business with nothing to show for it” sounds like a passive aggressive dig at something or someone we don’t have the specifics for. Especially with the “tsk” at the end and the repetition of “easygoing,” it almost seems like he’s trying to vent his frustration about being constantly pulled into things he doesn’t want to be a part of.

Now that we know he’s an “old timer” within the Masked Fools, this line of thinking makes sense — he’s left behind his mask, meaning he may have gotten tired and fed up with getting roped into the Fools’ shenanigans. With how exasperated he sounds in much of his Penacony dialogue, I’m not surprised he said something like this.

Going a step further, this could even apply to an Emanator being burnt out at having to deal with the Elation, or even Aha Themself feeling the constraints of a compulsory existence. I feel like Emanator or Silhouette theories would work better for this particular line, although it’s possible that Aha could achieve this level of genuine exasperation through split/dual/separate consciousness.

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ CHAT: INTEL ⌝

Once again, Sampo shows how smart he is. He may be shady, yes, but he does know how to “maximize profit.” After hearing of Boothill’s run in with an Elation Emanator in 2.2, I can’t help but wonder if it was Sampo playing into this idea of selling information to multiple people — I definitely don’t think Boothill learning of the Emanator’s status was a coincidence, even if he says it was because he got it drunk. To me, this definitely reads as Sampo parceling out information in the right doses to the right people, “packaging” it in such a way that that person is none the wiser.

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ HOBBIES, ANNOYANCES, & SOMETHING TO SHARE ⌝

Despite only being one line, “hobbies” sticks out to me as a potential revelation. First, there’s no mention of the passion or creativity often associated with hobbies, it’s just him stating what he believes — there’s no indication he actually enjoys it deep down (compulsory existence mayhaps). Secondly, “small talk brings big clients” shows how he focuses on the details and minutiae of the larger picture; he may not be one for flashy entrances like Sparkle (hell, his big entrance in Belobog was when he was literally surrounded by smoke) but he does know how to manipulate the odds to be in his favor. I also find “big clients” interesting. While it could just be a reference to his dealings on Belobog, I can’t help but wonder just how far this might extend. What kind of “big clients” has he brought in? Is he neglecting to mention that he’s a “big client” himself? Is he used to shmoozing in the big leagues? Only time will tell.

In comparison, the annoyance line is fairly standard. It’s a link to his shady side, the idea that he’s just a poor businessman, *sniffle,* and how could someone be so mean to such a nice fella? He’s operating in technicalities here, full well knowing why he’s considered a con-man but intentionally being obtuse about it. It is very endearing to me.

“Something to share” almost seems Robin-Hood-esque. At first, I thought he was talking about more “business” stuff, the idea of “sharing is caring, so you should share your money with me,” but the more I re-read the more I realized he’s probably getting at the wealth inequality in Belobog. He’s technically affiliated with the Underworld, after all, and his closest friends seem to be there too. Behind the fixation on profit and only doing things if it benefits him materially, there seems to also be a genuine want to share himself, to “make up the shortfall.” Even if the “sharing” isn’t coming from his own possessions, he still wants to get the Underworld the supplies and means to live comfortably, which is a surprisingly sweet sentiment. He has a heart in there, I swear.

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ KNOWLEDGE ⌝

I feel like this line speaks for itself — the man is omniscient and he is toying with us. He knows way more than he’s letting on, even referencing the Astral Express as a “train” for shits and giggles. Your Elation is showing, king.

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ ABOUT SVAROG & CLARA ⌝

I don’t know what’s funnier: the implication that Sampo has tried to strike a deal with Svarog before, or the implication that he, Sampo “I can talk my way into and out of anything” Koski, failed. He was probably aware his conversationalism wouldn’t work on a machine like Svarog, but damn if he didn’t want to try anyways. I would pay good money to see that go down. Too bad Sampo exists in another universe and can’t haggle it out of me.

Alternatively, his line about Clara is pretty sweet. Referring to her as “our little girl” shows how he views himself as part of the Underworld — even if he came from beyond the sky, even if he integrated himself into Belobog for a larger purpose, he still cares. He sees himself as one of them. Behind the gaud and the glamor, we can begin to see that silhouette, that want for connection in the periphery, staying in the shadows because it’s afraid to step into the light. Yet, despite him even realizing it, he’s begun to integrate himself. Begun to see himself as more than just a means to an end, an instigator or a jokester or a clown. He has, in a sense, become part of the collective — a healthy collective, one big found family, and Clara is just one part of it. Beyond his knowing, he’s gone from “I” and “them” to “us.” To “we.” To “our.” (And he is also still eternally confused over how the hell to communicate with Svarog.)

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ ABOUT NATASHA ⌝

I like how naturally he describes the progression of their relationship here. While it may not be entirely truthful or accurate (who knows with Sampo), it at least seems like he views his and Natasha’s friendship as an easy progression from one stage to the next. Despite it being transactional, it doesn’t really feel like a transaction, just an evolution of something whose seeds were already planted. It’s also notable that he started with medicine — not intel, not materialistic wealth like relics or Shield, but medicine. His first establishing relationship with Natasha was literally bringing her life-saving medicine. It really reminds me of how he saved the Trailblazer’s life in The Moles’ hide-and-seek daily mission; it’s the things he does in the shadows that really count, really show that he does, in fact, care. Despite what he tells you, he still wants to help. “You know how these things work” is also so funny because it’s like… no, no the Trailbalzer does not know how these things work. (Also, “arrived” in the Underworld? Interesting word choice, bestie.)

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ ABOUT SEELE ⌝

I just think it’s really funny to imagine Sampo, either an Emanator or an Aeon or both, being constantly told off by some resistance fighter on a random snow planet. Like, Seele is really out here doing what 99% of beings can’t. (With Doll Theory, however, this is a bit… heartbreaking, especially “Can someone explain what I did to deserve her?” potentially hiding the deeper, more agonizing question of “Can someone explain what I did to deserve this?”. But I am choosing not to think about that right now for my own sanity.)

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ ABOUT BRONYA ⌝

He really has no self-preservation when it comes to scoring big, does he? Despite how carefully methodical his endgame plans seem to be, his omniscience doesn’t stop him from throwing himself out there when he feels there’s something to be gained. It’s okay, Sampo, she’s nice. You don’t need to risk getting beat up just to talk to her, I’m sure you can arrange a meeting. (Also, I feel like this mirrors his “painful introduction” to the Trailbalzer at the beginning of the Belobog storyline — sure, Sampo had to put up with Dan Heng’s prodding and Gepard’s arrival, but he made the biggest score of all: getting to meet us. So, maybe it’s not just “throwing himself out there.” Maybe it’s all one big calculation on his part.)

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ ABOUT THE LANDAUS ⌝

Gepard potentially triggering Sampo’s Elation instincts is hilarious to me. I’ll expand on it in a dedicated Sampard post, but it’s so in line with the Elation for Sampo, most likely a god in his own right, to find such catharsis in, what? Being chased around in the snow by a hot blonde guard? In terms of the wider universe, Gepard is literally just some guy. And yet here Sampo is, doing a little heehee haha and having the time of his life. It’s the little things, you know?

(On a more serious note, if we’re dealing with a Sampo who’s constantly felt like he has no control over his “enjoyment” of Elation — even a Silhouette or Doll Theory Sampo who is actively being harmed by “the joke” — then him gradually warming up to Gepard is surprisingly wholesome. Here he is, someone who has always found himself subject to Elation rather than naturally falling into it, finding a way to reclaim that enjoyment and find a genuine place for it within himself. Some sort of reconciliation, perhaps, a bit of happiness that’s his own and no one else’s, some part of a situation that he can control. The elation he feels here is not Elation, but rather a genuine feeling of connection, one not brought on suddenly by the punchline of a joke, but one that has gradually grown over time, matured, blossomed into something warm and real and comforting. Gepard has no idea, but he’s slowly mellowing out the “compulsory” of compulsory existence until it becomes nothing but a fading whisper. Anyways can you tell I love Sampard?)

I’m also interested in how Serval and Sampo used to be “good pals.” While Sampo’s idea of a “good pal” could be wildly off-base from what Serval experienced — with the likelihood that Sampo’s “we were besties” was Serval’s “he was an annoying guy who kept asking me for deals” — it makes sense to me that they might’ve gotten along at some point. Serval is a fairly casual and accepting person, so I could see her and Sampo being friends (although I don’t think she would have fallen for many of his scams). However, I definitely don’t think she’d agree with Sampo’s shady business dealings, so finding out from Gepard just how much of a criminal he is would definitely sour things. She would believe in giving the Underworlders the resources they need, for sure, but definitely not Sampo pocketing money for himself or scamming random people who’ve done nothing wrong. “Gepard’s bad word” probably wasn’t even that malicious, just a statement of fact.

(I, however, like to think that Gepard opened up about his crush on Sampo to Serval and her protective older sister genes kicked in. What Sampo is really registering is the change from “oh, you’re a chill guy” to “if you hurt my baby brother so help me god I will end your entire existence.” It is canon in my heart.)

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ ABOUT LUKA ⌝

This one is another tie-in to Sampo’s fixation on business and profit. I do wonder why and how Sampo missed out on making money here, though. Perhaps the timing was off, or he had bigger things to deal with, or Luka just didn’t want to work with him for whatever reason. Either way, it’s kinda funny that he knows Luka as “that kid I could’ve made money off of but didn’t”. I can just see him hanging his head dejectedly in my mind. It’s okay, Sampo, you’ll get ‘em next time.

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ ABOUT SPARKLE ⌝

Sparkle is a unique case, being the only other playable Masked Fool and having a direct connection with Sampo through the organization. He seems to have a pretty good read on her, which would make sense if his status as an “old timer” includes having a lot of experience dealing with specific members of the Fools. He’s basically reading her like a book, saying: She’s all over the place, and you never have anything truly figured out. There’s also the meta commentary of “outwit herself,” referencing the events of Black Swan’s companion quest and an Inception-like folding in of all her personas. It also seems like it might be a bit of a projection: “Think you’ve got her all figured out, don’t you?” I didn’t say anything Sampo, but if this “you” is in the room with us right now, it’s okay, you can just say it. Perhaps he tried to understand her at some point in the past and it fucked him over. (Just speculation!)

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ ASCENSION & ACTIVATION ⌝

Whoo boy, this eidolon activation. It’s definitely suspicious, to say the least. There’s a reason I chose it as my quote for my Elation!Sampo masterlist, and that’s because it encapsulates so much about his potential identity. There’s the fact he’s not being direct about it, phrasing it as a question where he speaks in second person, trailing off at the end; even now, he seems unwilling or unable to face the truth with his full chest. There’s also the phrase “colorful past,” which just makes me ask: How much of a colorful past are we talking? This could range anywhere from Masked Fools shenanigans to “oh yeah, I used to be an Aeon.” The fact he’s so indirect about it makes me more suspicious — it’s an extremely leading question, very smug and taunting, which makes my mind just go up and up and up the power scale list, much like “old timer” caused me to do the same. There’s just a quality to this line that basically screams, “There is something large and powerful and dormant inside of him! Be careful!”.

The ascension once again links back to money, and his trace activation is about the transactional “business” of friendship. The last notable thing here is his “max level reached,” where he expresses disappointment over… hitting max level? “That’s it? *sigh* I was just getting started,” is not the kind of thing even a regular Masked Fool would say. Again, we’re given a hint of almost incomprehensible power, the idea that the limit of the game, of the universe, isn’t enough for him. In a strikingly eldritch way, our “max” is simply a small drop in his bucket, an ant he barely even notices. He really isn’t beating the Elation allegations, is he?

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ TEAMS ⌝

Since there’s five different ones here, I’ll go through them fairly quickly:

Natasha — Reminds me of Natasha’s own voiceline where she says Sampo doesn’t like owing people things. It shows that he really does try to pay favors back as soon as possible, keeping them present in his mind so they don’t go unresolved for too long.

Hook — It’s interesting how he reacts to her in a similar way he does the Masked Fools: exasperation, but still a little fond. There’s some care, some nostalgia mixed in there, but at the end of the day he still knows that something is getting blown to smithereens.

Seele — On his best behavior. He really doesn’t want her to get angry at him, does he?

Trailblazer — Interesting how he laughs at the beginning here. Interesting how he says, “Ha!” Interesting how this is only with the Trailblazer. Hm. That is all.

Sparkle — “Same rule as always” establishes a long-form relationship; it’s likely they’ve known each other for a long time, or at least long enough to have established “rules” for each time they fight or work together. The fact that the rule is “no backstabbing” is also fitting, seeing as Sparkle (and by proxy, the Masked Fools) are definitely the type to backstab at any given moment. The real question is: Is this rule simply a surface-level attempt by Sampo to stop from getting messed with, or does Sparkle actually listen to him?

It also sets up Sampo as at least pretending to be on the same power level as Sparkle — he’s in a position where he feels the need to be wary and on-guard around her despite occupying a potentially higher status.

✩ ‧₊˚ ⌞ COMBAT & MISC. ⌝

Reading through these, I just felt like I was getting smacked over the head with theories. It’s like he was repeatedly hitting me on the back of the head with a baseball bat or something. Having each line side by side really makes certain patterns become apparent. Since there’s so many, I’ll go through them fairly quickly (feel free to ask me to expand on any of these if you want!):

Battle Begins: Weakness Break: “Fun” links to Elation. “Just” is downplaying the severity of a Weakness Break, reducing pain/danger to yet another joke. A somewhat callous view of life, similar to the Worm Fiasco.

Battle Begins: Danger Alert: Endless pursuit of entertainment and Elation — “the stronger the better.” Like Aha, it’s less about winning or losing, but rather the challenge and thrill of the fight itself.

Turn Begins: Line 1 — The idea of “friends” again, showing physical protection and aid to be part of the “transaction”; however “takes care of” seems less transactional and more genuine. Line 2 — More transactional with the idea of “business”; perhaps refers to violence as “doing business” with enemies, or helping the trailblazer as “doing business.”

Turn Idling: “Bring out” and “big guns” links to hidden or increased power, something that needs to be revealed. Since this is his turn idle, it gives the implication that he is “waiting” to bring out this power until the right time (though he is impatient about it).

Skill: Argument One — Silly goofy behavior. Argument Two (Delusional) — “Size” alludes to the physical changing of size between mortal and Emanator/Aeonic form.

Hit by Light Attack: Seems somewhat performative.

Hit by Heavy Attack: Seems to be overly protective of his “face” — or rather, the potential physical facade he puts up to hide his true identity from others. Doll Sampo may be overly concerned with “breaking,” while other theories may be worried about something being “revealed” if too much of his physical form is chipped away. (In a way, the avatar of “Sampo Koski” may be a mask in and of itself, able to be broken.)

Ultimate: Activate: Again with the idea of “waiting,” man is impatient.

Ultimate: Unleash: If we’re going with an Elation!Sampo theory, it seems like he may almost be alluding to Aha as “king” here, which would center themes of betrayal and switching sides. It doesn’t seem personal in this case, but rather a power/money/profit-oriented standpoint.

Downed: *Puts on tinfoil hat* Sampo could actually be referencing a “loophole payment” here; as shown in the Curio Hacker Occurrence, one of the curios given to us by the blue-haired man is “Organic Heart,” a curio that removes the golden (powerful) dice face for four turns, destroys itself, then grants two cheat attempts — if we take this as an allegory for Sampo’s existence, then he may be paying a “price” as an Emanator or Aeon to escape an unfortunate fate later on (or accomplish something impossible). In this way, “This price was too steep…” may refer to Sampo being trapped in mortal form (a more vulnerable state) and realizing the “price” he paid upfront for those cheat attempts isn’t worth it if he never gets to see the fruits of his labor.

Return to Battle: This may also link to the Curio Hacker dice faces, as a combat “turn” could also stand-in for a dice “roll” — he has been brought back to fight, and so he will continue to participate in the cycle until his cheat attempts are granted. (Also, it links to the cyclical nature of the snakes, going from one turn to the next, never able to truly die.)

Health Recovery: Another mention of transactions, debt, and “owing” — according to Natasha’s voice line about him, this is not a phrase he says lightly.

Technique: Laughter, plan and simple. The Laugher, even, if we’re feeling frisky.

Battle Won: Probably one of the biggest clues in his voicelines. “How’re you gonna win if you don’t take any risks?” directly implies a “risk” at the core of his being, some dangerous change he is making to make sure he gets what he wants. May somewhat detract from Aha theories in that Aha doesn’t seem to care about “winning,” however who knows if that mindset has changed or if Sampo simply thinks that because he is currently in mortal form. Either way, it once again links to him paying a “cost” for those later cheat attempts.

Treasure Opening 1: Good old cash reference.

Treasure Opening 2: Kinda sweet that he lets us keep it, even though it’s only because he doesn’t have any use for it.

Precious Treasure Opening: … And of course he immediately shoves us aside when it’s something he’s actually interested in.

Successful Puzzle-Solving: 1: Pretty generic.

Successful Puzzle-Solving 2: Reference to his businessman persona and how he’s made a career out of “solving others’ problems.” It may be that he’s trying to solve a problem for either himself or Aha as an outside entity (or perhaps even a different Aeon of Emanator, who knows).

Enemy Target Found: Sounds almost taunting; there’s no vocal recording in this post, but if you listen to his English voice acting it sounds goading, almost like he’s daring you to start the fight. “I dunno” is a bit more reserved, like he’s hesitating a bit, but I’m definitely on the side of “he can handle this, he’s just fucking with us.”

Returning to Town: Another third person reference! Obligatory business reference.

And whew, that’s all of it! Every single Sampo character screen voice line as of 2.4! My main takeaways are definitely the third-person references, as well as the fixation on business and profit. The lines linking to Curio Hacker especially stand out to me — “risks” and “prices” remind me a lot of Organic Heart. But I’ll save that for its own analysis! As for now, I hope this was a comprehensive-enough coverage of Sampo’s voicelines. In my opinion, this man definitely has some Elation-related shenanigans going on.

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.𖥔 ݁ ˖ જ⁀➴ thank you for reading to the end!

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#⌞ ✎ sunder.writes ⌝#⌞ ✧ super.nova ⌝#⌞ 🎭 ⌝#hsr #honkai star rail #honkai: star rail #sampo #sampo koski #sampo hsr #hsr sampo #sampo honkai star rail #analysis #hsr analysis #hsr theory

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