#she went to bed w/ a bottle of wine last night and tried to buy 4 ciders today but she didnt have ID thankfully

[figula]

my sister's hideous bf called her twice during longlegs last night off his face on whatever he takes, then again after she went to bed, being super manipulative and being like "i cant stop thinking about you with other men" and she said to me later "but hes the one who wanted to egt back w/ me like i cant change it?" and i was like look hes a proper wasteman we dont like him lol and then today he was like "if you got pregnant and kept it id break up w/ you bc it shows you cant make good decisions" literally like tired of hearing about this hideous human being

[assembledherethevolunteers]

Request 4

A/N: Hi, everybody! This was supposed to come out…a long time ago, but a friend of mine’s grandmother passed and she was not doing well and then I wasn’t doing well for a couple different reasons…BUT! I am back. This request came from @sydi22. They actually requested 2 with Ben and we decided to combine them. (They requested Ben and reader finding out that she’s pregnant on Christmas morning and the two of them hiding the fact they had twins and everybody coming over and finding out) I hope they and everybody enjoy this!

Pairing: Ben Hardy x female!Reader

Summary: Christmas morning with your husband doesn’t quite go as planned.

Warnings: Cursing, Mentions of sexy time, Mentions of Pregnancy/Complications getting pregnant, Fluff

Taglist: @queenlover05 @zodiacaldust

 You could hear you husband milling about the apartment, every now and then saying something to Frankie.

You always loved the way he talked to her, it always made your heart melt a little. You slipped into your dress, which felt a bit tight, but you suspect as much since you hadn’t been to the gym lately. You reached back to zip up your dress, but it seemed to be stuck. You pulled on it tighter, just trying to get the dressed zipped, when you realized you couldn’t breathe. Not well, anyway.

You sighed, knowing that this would lead to some teasing from Ben, and called for him.

“Yes, love?” Ben asked, walking into the room with Frankie on his heels.

“Can you help me get zipped?”

Ben gave you a smirk, but didn’t say anything as you turned around. He took his time, running his hands up your back to where the zipper was stuck. Once one of his hands found the zipper, his other found your ass.

“As much as I would love to take time and enjoy this, your mother will kill us if we’re late to church, so we sort of need to speed this up.”

“I can be fast,” Ben gave you a squeeze.

“Oh, trust me, I know.”

“Rude,” Ben muttered as he tried to zip up your dress. “Um…sweetheart?”

You knew what he was going to say, but still didn’t want to hear it. “What?”

“I er…it’s not…going up. I think it’s…”

“It doesn’t fit does it?”

“I don’t think so, love,” Ben muttered, but pressed a kiss to the side of your neck for comfort.

“Shit,” you sighed. “Well, that’s what I get for not taking care of myself,” you felt tears come to your eyes. You knew it was stupid and it didn’t really matter how you looked, but it still hurt a bit.

“Why don’t you wear that dress you wore to Gwil’s Christmas party? That one was nice.”

“Nice enough for church?” You turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow. Your in-laws were usually pretty laid back, but Ben’s grandmother was…not. At least not when it came to major church holidays.  

“Whatever you wear will be fine, but we really do need to get going,” Ben started to unzip your dress.

You huffed and stepped out of the dress as Ben sat on the bed, watching you. He watched you curiously more than anything else.

“Is there a reason you’re looking at me like that?”

“I can’t enjoy watching my wife half naked?”

“You can,” you replied, walking over to your closet. “You just usually have a different look on your face.”

“I was just enjoying the view.”

You hummed at him in response and grabbed the other dress off the hanger.

“Also,” Ben continued. “I was just thinking about some things.”

“Such as?” You stepped into the dress.

“Well, you’ve been rather tired lately, and you’ve been eating a bit more.”

You turned to Ben and stared at him. Waiting for him to continue, but you didn’t say anything.

“A…and…well,” Ben cleared his throat, now seemingly embarrassed. “Now your dress isn’t fitting right and…I just…I’m thinking that…maybe it’s time to check again.”

You closed your eyes, “Ben,” you sighed.

“I know, I know,” Ben stood up and walked over to you. “But we haven’t checked for a while and…” Ben took one of your hands and started playing with your fingers. “It’s not like we’ve been super careful or anything.”

You wrapped your arms around Ben’s neck, and he wrapped his around your waist. “I know, but I just…I don’t think I’m ready yet.”

You and Ben had tried to get pregnant for the last two years but stopped trying because you’d both gotten frustrated with the process, and eventually each other. You’d stopped trying around June and started working on your relationship again. It had been great, but neither of you had brought it up since then, even though you both knew it was something the other still wanted.

“I understand,” Ben kissed your forehead. The two of you stood, holding each other, until Ben spoke up again. “We should really get going. My mum is going to be angry if we’re late again.”

The two of you made your way to the church, with just enough time to find your seats before everything started. You were sandwiched between your mother-in-law and husband and your mind started to wander.

What if you were pregnant? Ben had brought up some good points. You had barely had any energy lately when you got home from work, but you had chalked that up to the holidays coming around and it being the time of year where you just got more tired. You also had been hungrier, but again, you just thought it was not getting out and just mindlessly eating. Maybe you should take the test again. Maybe…

“Y/N,” your mother-in-law whispered. “Are you okay?”

You blinked and turned to look at her, but realized she was standing, and you were supposed to be too. You quickly stood up and recited the prayers with everyone else.

The rest of the service passed without incident, but you still couldn’t get the thought off your mind.

The remainder of the night was spent at Ben’s grandmother’s house. The family exchanged gifts, and ate, everybody enjoying themselves.

“Y/N, come here, dear,” Ben’s grandmother called to you from the living room.

You’d been in the kitchen with your mother-in-law, sipping on wine. You walked into the living room, your glass in hand, and sat next to Ben’s grandmother on the couch.

“I don’t know if you should be doing that,” she nodded at the wine glass.

“Oh,” you ducked your head, embarrassed. “Well, Ben’s driving home so…”

“Oh no, I wasn’t talking about that. I just meant that drinking while pregnant is not advised.”

You nearly dropped your glass as she fixed you with a sly smile.

“Did you think I didn’t notice? I was waiting for the two of you to say something at dinner, but neither of you spoke up.”

“Well, if I’m being honest, w…we’re not sure about it, yet. I haven’t taken a test or anything.”

“I would suggest it,” she simply shrugged, but the grin on her face never changed.

“And just what are the two of you whispering about in here?” Ben poked his head into the living room.

She bated at the air as if to shoo Ben away. “Oh nothing, but I’m about to ask all of you to leave. I’m old and I’m tired.”

Ben rolled his eyes with a smile. “Nan, you’re not that old.”

“Well, I am about to be a great…”

You jumped up on your feet, cutting her off. “She’s right though, Ben. We should get going. We’ve been here nearly five hours, not counting church.”

Ben looked between the two of you. “You alright?”

“Yes, but let’s just get going.”

The two of you said your goodbyes to Ben’s family before leaving in the house. As you drove past a pharmacy, you told Ben to stop.

“Um…sure, why?” Ben pulled into the parking lot.

“I just…want to grab something. I’ll be right back.”

Ben gave you a strange look before you ran inside. You picked up a pregnancy test and stared at if for a bit before finally walked up to the front to buy it.

You walked back out to the car, hiding your purchase in your purse and Ben looked up from his phone. “Are you going to tell me what that was about?”

“No, not yet,” you replied, putting on your seat belt.

“Alright then, keep your secrets,” Ben told you as he started up the car. “The boys say Merry Christmas, by the way.”

“Aw, how are the boys?”

The two of you drove back to the house, talking about possibly taking a trip to the states to see them once the two of you had time.

Once you made it back home, you and Ben went inside. He started to change but you went into the bathroom. You took the test and waited.

Ben knocked on the door. “Sweetheart, can I come in?”

“Not yet!” You still had another minute on your timer before the test was done. You heard Ben mutter something through the door, but he didn’t come in.

Your phone buzzed and you took a deep breath before looking at the test.

‘Pregnant’. You read it three times just to make sure. And after you made sure, your eyes started to tear up.

“B..Ben?!” You yelled. “You can come in now!”

Ben walked into the bathroom, raising an eyebrow at you.

“So, I…I think…um…your grandmother…” You stumbled around, trying to find the right words to say before you finally just handed him the test.

Ben took it from you and stared at it for a few moments before he looked up at you, tearing up. “Are you sure?”

“I mean, we can’t be sure until I go to a doctor but…”

Ben cut you off by pulling you into a close, tight hug. You buried your head in his chest and tried not to cry.

“I love you so much,” Ben whispered in your ear.

You let out a chuckle before you looked up at him. He was staring at you with such a loving look that you felt like your heart was going to explode. You leaned up and pressed your lips to his.

“I love you too.”

10 MONTHS LATER

“Don’t you want to eat, sweetheart?” Ben murmured at your daughter as he tried to give her a bottle again. She would start to eat, but then she would turn her head and whine. “Look, your brother is eating.” Ben nodded at you, holding your son as he was sucking down the bottle you were giving him.

“She did eat more than him at breakfast,” you replied, not taking your eyes off your son. He had his big blue/green eyes open staring at you. It made your heart want to explode how much he looked like his father. Your daughter had gotten Ben’s blonde hair, but other than that looked like you. You loved her just as much.

It had been a huge shock that you were having twins. So much of a shock that most of your friends didn’t actually know. The two of you had decided to keep a low profile about most of the pregnancy, including the birth, only letting people on social media know that everybody was doing great. The only ones that knew were your parents and siblings.

You glimpse over at Ben holding Lily. He was staring down at her like she was the center of his whole universe. You felt your eyes tear up seeing your husband and daughter just staring at each other and quickly tried to stop. You looked back down at Logan in your arms but that didn’t help the tears.

“So she doesn’t need this whole thing?” Ben held up a bottle, shooting a look to you. “Oh, love, what’s the matter?”

“Nothing, nothing,” you sniffled, not meeting Ben’s eyes. “Just left over hormones, you know.”

Ben chuckled under his breath and walked over to you. He pressed a kiss to your temple. “I love you too.”

You laughed a bit before glancing up at him. “We should get ready. I think that mad lot will get here soon.”

Ben offered to get the babies dressed so that you could take a shower to get ready. You couldn’t have asked for a better partner through everything. Ben had been so attentive through your pregnancy and now that you were home, he was always the one that got up if one or both the babies were crying or needed a late night feeding.

After a much needed shower, you came out to see Ben on the bed, just watching the twins sleeping.

“I can’t believe you just…gave birth to them,” Ben whispered to you. “They were inside your body not even a month ago and now here they are.”

You smiled a bit before walking over to the bed. “I know, I’m amazing, but.”

Ben grabbed your arm and looked up at you. “No, you really are,” Ben kissed your hand.

You bit your bottom lip, trying your best not to cry again. Damn these hormones.

“You should get ready. Everybody will probably be here soon.”

Nearly an hour later, your doorbell rang. You and Ben were sitting on the couch, the twins were in their swings, still sleeping.

“You should get the door,” you told Ben. “I think they love you more than me.”

“I know for a fact that’s not true,” Ben gave you a kiss before he got up to answer the door. “Well, hell…OOF!”

“BEN! IT’S BEEN TOO LONG! I ALMOST FORGOT WHAT YOU LOOKED LIKE!” You heard Joe Mazzello’s voice carry through your flat. You then heard a twinkling laugh along with some other ones.

“Who let you out in public, Joe?” Another familiar voice, belonging to Brian May asked.

You laughed along with everybody else and noticed that the twins’ eyes were now open. They weren’t upset, just sort of looking around, trying to find the source of the noise.

“Now, where is that baby of yours?” Roger Taylor’s voice seemed to be getting closer.

Everybody then walked into the living room. You stood up, ready for hugs and hellos.

You gave hugs to Gwil, Joe, Rami, Roger, and Brian. They all asked how you were and how things were going with motherhood.

“Um…guys?” Joe’s voice had a tinge of fake concern. “Does the hospital know that you have two of them?”

Everybody’s attention finally turned towards the babies.

“Well, no, we just got the one but the other was so cute we took them too,” you laughed.

“Oh, Y/N, congratulations!” Brian pulled you into another hug.

“Thank you, now who wants to hold them?”

Roger picked up Logan, not needing any more of an invitation and introducing himself as his “fake grandfather”.

Rami and Joe played Rock, Paper, Scissors to see who would get to hold Lily first. Rami won and gently picked her up, staring at her like he might break her.

“Does anybody want anything to drink?” Ben offered before making his way into the kitchen, Brian going with him to help carry the drinks in.

“So, Y/N,” Gwil asked. “How’s Ben at being a father?”

You looked over at Ben, laughing at something Brian had said as he filled a glass with water.

“He’s absolutely wonderful.”

The rest of the afternoon, you, Ben, and everybody else had a great time catching up. You hadn’t seen most of them since you’d been pregnant, especially Joe and Rami.

Joe was in the middle of a story, holding Logan, when Lily made noise in Brian’s arms.

“Oh, she’s probably finally hungry,” Ben offered to take her.

Brian tutted and asked if she had a bottle. Ben got up to get it ready for her.

That was the moment you took in what was really going on. You had literal rock stars and movie stars fawning over your babies. How crazy had your life become?

Ben came back with the bottle, handed it to Brian, and then sat next to you. You took his hand and gave it a squeeze. Ben looked at you with a smile.

You supposed you wouldn’t exchange your crazy life for anything.

[livia-ackerman]

| How would Levi react if he found out that his girlfriend is being abused ? |

warnings: mentions of abuse/ abusive parents/ wounds/ fluff

Characters : Levi x Reader

words: 1.7k

She was terrified. She could not believe it anymore. Who would have imagined something like that? This always happened though.

Her parents were divorced so her mom had taken over as the " boss " of the house. Last time she saw her dad, was 10 years ago, when she was 15.

When she was younger, she remembers her mom being sweet with her. She would tell her good morning everyday, give her a kiss for goodnight, ask her how her day was. This does not mean that her mom did not punish her if she had done something. But... What happened? What caused this sudden change?

She was not allowed to have a door in her room. She was 25 years old, she was mature enough, she should have her own personal space.

Everyday, (y/n) would go to bed with tears, shaking in fear not knowing what to do. Her mom hits her even for the tiniest issue.

One day, as (y/n) was washing the dishes, a plate suddenly slipped from her hand, fell on the floor and broke. Her mom quickly grabbed her by her hair and hit her head on the floor.

" Did you pay for it??? Show some respect to your mom, I worked very hard to buy this " .

She said screaming at her

" I'm sorry I did not do this on purpose I swear, it was an accid- "

" An accident??? Show some respect to your mom I said!!! "

(m's/n) said, pressing (y/n's) head harder on the floor.

(y/n) started crying and her mom released her. She quickly ran to her room trying to calm down. She had to cover her bulge on the forehead somehow, by changing her hair style. After an hour, she decided to visit Levi, who was in his office because she thought he would make her feel better.

She wore a casual white t-shirt with black sweatpants, and she was desperately trying to hide the wound on her head because she did not want Levi notice it.

- knock knock -

" Name and business? ", Levi said

" It is me Levi ", you said letting yourself inside his office.

He was sitting on his chair, working as usual. He pushed back with his feet against the floor, and you went closer to him to sit on his lap.

" I missed you, Levi " , you said calmly, relaxing your head on his chest.

" I missed you too (y/n)...How have you been doing ? I have not seen you in a while " .

" Oh everything is fine. When will you finish? I wanna cuddle... "

" I'm sorry... There is a ton of papers I have to report. Just go to the bedroom and I will come later I promise " .

(y/n) leaned in to kiss him on the cheek and stood up to headed to the bedroom.

" Wait ! "

" What is it, Levi? "

" What happened to your forehead? I just saw that there is something "

" Oh- t- that's nothing. I accidentally hit my head on a wall because I wasn't paying attention when I was w-walking b-but I'm okay... "

Levi realised that something was wrong but he let her leave saying

" you dumbass, you better be careful next time "

-

2 hours later, Levi went in the bedroom to finally cuddle with his love. She was covered with the blankets, her cheeks blushing from the warmth, sleeping peacefully. Levi blushed when he saw how cute she was looking and laid next to her wrapping his hand in her lower back and putting her head on his chest. A couple of minutes later, she opened slowly her eyes just to see him sleeping with the cutest expression ever and she quickly fell asleep again in his arms.

-

A week has passed since then. When (y/n's) mom found out that she had spent the night in Levis house, she grabbed a bottle of wine which was next to her, since she had started drinking alcohol and hit her wherever she could.

" I am 25 years old you can't tell me what to do !!! " (y/n) yelled

" What did you just say, you bitch? Who do you think you are ??? " (m/n) yelled back at her daughter.

(y/n) quickly walked towards to the door and ran as far as she could to prevent her mom from following her. Small pieces of glass had cut her skin lightly, and there was a big bruise above her knee. She tried covering the wounds and make it look like nothing happened at all. She headed to Levi's office because she wanted some emotional support, even though Levi had no idea about it.

- knock knock -

" name and business "

" it is me Levi " you said, letting yourself in.

This time, he was tidying up his desk, since he had finally finished with work. It was something very rare but you felt relieved because you knew you would spend time with him.

" So (y/n)... "

(y/n's) got anxious, waiting impatiently for what he was going to say

" I got you a gift... There is no special reason... I just saw it as I was walking yesterday on the street and I thought that it would look very nice to you "

" R- really? Thank you Levi but, you didn't have to. We have talked about this before "

Levi ignored her with a small smirk, and gave her the bag with her gift. It was a violet dress up to the knees, the shoulders covered, and white glittery flowers hugging the waist of the dress.

" W-wow... It is... Amazing! Thank you Levi! "

" Wanna try it and show me how it looks on you? "

" Y-yeah of course! ", you said awkwardly knowing that you had to hide the bruise on your leg.

You went to the bathroom, got quickly dressed up and looked yourself on the mirror.

' It doesn't look that bad. I think... ' you said to yourself

You exited the bathroom and went to Levi to see his reaction

" S... so beautiful... " He said, with his eyes wide-open, red cheeks and his jaw dropping as he saw your blonde wavy hair waving in your back.

" Do a spin for me, brat "

You didn't want to deny him so you tried to spin around carefully, trying to keep your dress from moving so your bruise wouldn't be shown.

Levi had realised from days ago, that something was wrong with her and now he had made up his mind.

" (y/n), come closer ... "

" why what happened ??? "

" N-nothing, just come, I want to see you from closer "

You approached for Levi, and he suddenly pulled you in his lap hugging you tightly. When this happened, you knew... You fucked up.

The dress waved above your knees, with your wounds showing as he had wrapped his hands around you. Levi's gaze quickly ended up there.

" What's this, brat? "

You couldn't hide it anymore. How were you supposed to lie to him? Especially when he was looking straight up to you, his eyes piercing into your soul.

" T- this??? Ohhh it's uh it's nothing, you know, I accidentally slipped yesterday a-as I was walking d-down the stair- "

"(y/n) ... Tell me the truth, please. I can see it on your eyes. Something is wrong, we agreed that we will say everything to eachother, remember?"

(y/n) felt her breath stopping on her throat. She felt that she couldn't breathe anymore, her eyes were red she was about to cry, she was so anxious. What would Levi do if he tells him the truth???

" (y/n)...? Please tell me what happened! "

" L- Levi... It's just that ... I... "

" (y/n). Just calm down. Take your time. I just want to know what's wrong, I'm really worried! "

" I'm sorry Levi... I've never talked to you about it, I just couldn't bring myself to it... This has been happening for years, i- it's my mom's doing, she- "

Levi paused her, rubbing his hand on his forehead in frustration. He knew something was wrong but he couldn't imagine that something like that had happened. He inhaled because he understood how difficult (y/n's) life had been. After all... Her own family 𝙙𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙤𝙮𝙚𝙙 her.

" It's ok (y/n). I got it. You don't have to tell me more. " He said, putting her head in his shoulder as she was about to cry.

" Levi... Please... Help me... I can't stand living with her anymore, I- I just wanna live a normal life I can't take it anymore... "

" (y/n)... You should have talked to me about it. Why did you hesitate? You know that I'm always here to help you, no matter what ", he said hugging her tightly.

" you know... You can come live with me. My place isn't the best but... I think we can manage. As long as you are fine... That's more than enough for me " he said, calmly as ever

You looked straight into his eyes, about to go all out from your excitement

" R- really??? You mean that??? "

" yes, brat. Of course I do. I love you and I don't want seeing you like that, it breaks my heart. I can help you pack your things, and come here. You don't have to tell your mom anyth- "

" 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙣𝙠 𝙮𝙤𝙪 Levi. Thank you... So much. I love you... "

" Now, go wear something comfy, and come here brat. I've missed you. "

-

You laid on his bed, and he put his covers all around you. He laid next to you. He pulled your lower stomach back, your back against his chest, and held you tightly. His lips touching your neck, leaving small kisses, as you were trying to keep your tears from happiness. You were finally able to live with the man you loved the most. ' Is there anything better? I wonder... '

You turned around to face him. His grey eyes looking at you... So soft ... You felt so lucky to have him... You leaned in to kiss him, crushing your lips onto his. ' so warm... ' you thought. You were kissing him passionately, and he was caressing your lower back because he knew how much you loved it.

" I love you, Levi "

" I love you too, (y/n) "

You both said while kissing. You pulled away from the kiss and rested your head on his shoulder. You soon fall asleep, hugging eachother, wishing this would last more.

• this is my first request so tell me your opinion about it yall <333 •

[ivisite]

DRAGONBORN 30 DAY CHALLENGE

Day 13 - Thieves in the Ratway  

Did they join the Thieves Guild?: 

She officially joined as a member when she was 20 after impressing the senior members with her skills while tagging along with Brynjolf on his jobs. She was around long enough to get to know several of the more esteemed members but wasn’t there long enough to get close to many of the “entry level” recruits.  

She returned at 27 (she was with the Companions a few months and her birthday passed) and since she never “left” the guild, technically she was still a member. Albeit she was in debt and kind of just doing the work for the sake of paying off what she owed rather than for the hell of it. Mercer very sarcastically applauded her when she followed Brynjolf into the Cistern running a few jobs after, stating that “I’d be impressed with your feat had you not put us in more debt then we were already in” and even scoffing and saying “You know, it takes a certain kind of person to be a thief, but it takes a special kind of person to be a thief of thieves.” 

If yes…

How did they feel about their fellow guild members?:

As a younger person, she was more concerned with the likes of Bryn, but when she returned she found herself rather comfortable with the rough rabble of the Flagon. Something about everyone being a societal reject or odd-ball made her feel right at home. Despite her and the other local red head of the guild often bickering and arguing upon her return, she was rather friendly with everyone else. More often than not, specially after getting a few jobs under her belt, the others started warming up to her and she ended up the center of the Flagon with her stories of her travels and her past with the guild. 

She warms up to Brynjolf, too, but only after they get stuck on a heist job together because Delvin claimed “You’re in charge of her debt, Bryn, you ought to make sure she can even do the jobs. Go on and go with her.” It almost went bad (because they started bickering mid-job) but they managed to reluctantly work together and get what they needed and get out without getting caught. Afterwards, they were hyping each other up but realized that they were being civil and [ tsundere bagpipe mode ] kicked in and they started bickering out in the middle of Morthal’s swamps until it got so heated they kissed. Went to Morthal, got drunk and caught up afterwards and managed to work things out that night. Delvin got 1000 septims though, having been in a bet with Vekel and Dirge about the two getting back on good terms.  

How about Maven Black-Briar?:

From the beginning, she’s always kept Maven at arms length. They’re both terribly good at speaking and dancing around words so the conversations between them are always short. She respects that she’s a strong woman but also thinks that she could use something or something to keep her power balanced out. Another powerful person moving to town or something. Too much power never ends well, after all. They are neutral, at best. Maven doesn’t like Saoirse for being so “good at making coin” and drawing people in and Saoirse doesn’t like that Maven thinks she’s some sort of goddess on Nirn. Money talks though and both enjoy money, so at least they have that common ground. 

Her daughter is nice though. After buying Honeyside to avoid sleeping with the skeevers in the sewer, she often takes trip down the the Apothecary shop and talks alchemy with Ingun. 

Was Mercer Frey’s betrayal a shock to them?:

She never liked that old codger, even when she initially joined when she was younger so it wasn’t too terribly surprising. Dodgy as he was and terribly bitter all the time, she figured he must have been up to something. After he tried to kill her though, she was a little more upset. It’s all fun and games until it gets personal and then she gets mad, so to speak. (scared, really, but that’s another story) She’s not reluctant about helping Karliah out at all, trusting her and standing her ground on the matter when confronted by the other guild members and Brynjolf. When Karliah states she knows how to get to Mercer, Saoirse is ready to squad up. 

How do they feel as a Nightingale?: 

She’s not terribly into religion, Aedra or Daedra, so the whole “doing it in the name of Nocturnal and serving the prince in life and death” thing weirded her out. Herself and Brynjolf were both a bit turned off from the idea at first but eventually shrugged it off and gave in, if only to get the guild back on the right path. The armor is neat, though, at least.   “Y’know Karliah, Bryn and I always joked we were a match made in Sovngarde with the irony being that neither of us would ever get to go there.” Saoirse said thoughtfully with a short chuckle. “...Aye, I suppose birds of a feather will always flock together though.”

Will they make a good Guild Master?:

Once again, I kind of sway from canon with this but it’s still lore friendly. After she does the main quest of returning the skeleton key, she still keeps her base of operations in Riften while going about the Dragonborn destiny with the Greybeards. While out traveling all over Skyrim on that journey, she keeps up with the guild and continues doing jobs to count towards her debt that she insists on paying off, regardless of all she’s done. Eventually, she manages to get all the special jobs and when offered the title, she takes it for exactly two days and then gets Brynjolf really drunk and romances him real good one night and, in his drunken stupor, tricks him into taking the Guildmaster title. After he’s tuckered out and fast asleep, she returns to the Flagon, tells Delvin of Brynjolf’s new title and that he’d be down tomorrow morning to get started on the books and officially “gives up” the rank before heading back out to Ivarstead for more Dragonborn-ing. To say the very least, when Bryn made it down the next day all full of himself and hung-over, he wasn’t sure what to make of Delvin dropping the Guilds’ books and finances onto his table at the Flagon and carrying on about “Good luck, Guildmaster.” Once she pays off her debt and talks the now sober Brynjolf into “just dealing with it like he promised”, she takes her leave from the guild but stays in touch, of course  ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Late but better than nothing OTL

I like to think that Saoirse would insist on “Nightingale Squad Casual Fredas” meet ups to drink and hang out with each other. 

Also, the drunker she gets, the more you can hear bagpipes playing aggressively in the distance, canon.  (background is screenshot because I can’t draw Rift scenery to save my life)

----

“You know...I think Ulfric just needs to get himself a good Dunmer lass to bed him.” Saoirse said after a long moment of thought. 

The comment earned her a snort from the Dunmer nearby and an inquisitive nod from Brynjolf next to her. 

“W-Why say that?” Karliah asked, her attention split between sipping as slowly as possible on her drink and watching the two red-headed Nords as they both heartily drank their own drinks. 

She wasn’t very prudent, so to speak, but in comparison to her Nord friends, she seemed rather stiff about it all. She didn’t think little of them, of course, and in fact was rather amused by her two associates across the way. Having been in hiding for so long, the comradery was of the welcomed sort.

“Listen, he’s an ol’ codger in the worst way- ought to get bedded once real good and who better to knock some sense into that thick ‘ead of his than a strong Dunmer lass? The irony of it!” Saoirse said, holding her bottle of mead out and pointing it at Karliah. 

Brow raised and mouth curled into a confident pout, the red head took a sip from her bottle and chuckled.  “It’d be funny, at least. Make him feel like a right arse for how he keeps Windhelm divided.” She grumbled. 

“Right awful of him, the old bastard. Ne’er met him but I don’t think I’d want to, ya ken?” Brynjolf finally spoke up after finishing off his Alto Wine.  “I ‘ave, at Helgen. We were in the same wagon. He’s very tall. I dinnae ken if it was just the outfit or his presence but he was intimidating to stand by.” Saoirse cooed, gulping down the last swig of her mead. 

“Helgen?” Karliah asked, catching Saoirse off guard a bit.  “Aye, I was almost executed. Unfairly, too. Of all the things I’ve done in life thus far, and they try to execute me for swapping potions for arrows at a Stormcloak outpost I came across.” 

Her tone was amusingly dry as she spoke, rolling her eyes mid-sentence and Karliah couldn’t help but laugh.  “Ya’know, I think we should do this more often.” Brynjolf spoke up once again, having discovered the emptiness of his bottle. Scoffing in disdain, he dropped the now empty bottle behind him. 

“Need to bring more to drink next time though.” He continued, making the two women snicker at his flushing cheeks. His brows furrowed some at the reaction but he tossed an arm over Saoirse’s shoulders and gave Karliah a hardy pat on the back never-the-less.

“Ah, you two can pick all you’d like. I suppose I’d rather it be you two than Ol’ Delvin.” He cooed. 

[msjr0119]

Hold On

Part 17a - Court Day 1

Nobody got injured at the Homecoming ball, they all get separated into different safe houses- for safety.

Riley and Drake had confirmed that they had feelings for each other, however Drake believed Riley should be with Liam. Heartbroken, she moves back to New York. Only keeping in touch with Hana, Maxwell and Olivia.

Riley meets lawyer, Nate Cooper and begins a relationship with him. In Cordonia, Drake begins to court Kiara.

Nine months after Riley had left Cordonia- there is a reunion, but not the reunion the friends had hoped for.

*Characters belong to Pixelberry*

If you are under 18 please do not read this series. If you do you are consenting that you are over the age.

Series warnings: Suicide, domestic abuse, swearing, stabbing, smut 🍋. If any of these triggers affect you do not read!

Tags- @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @drakesensworld @butindeed @bbrandy2002 @pedudley @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @insideamirage @of-course-i-went-to-hartfeld @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @dangerouseggseagleartisan @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @choices97 @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world

Lots of dialogue in the next two parts .... SORRY! 😊

*******

The three friends arrived back in New York, all exhausted due to the different time time zone and jet-lag. Daniel and Lola arrived at the airport to pick them up and drove them all to their tiny apartment. It was going to be a squeeze - Beth and Leo had their own apartment, but Lola insisted that they all stay together these next few days.

“Guys, I’m just going to ring Liam. I’ll be back in a minute.”

Riley stepped out onto the balcony, the friends she was with knew she was social smoker. She didn’t want to tell Liam- he may berate her for it. She knew it was a bad habit but at times like this she needed something to relax and take away the stress.

“Hey.”

“Hello Riley, I assume you’re all safe. Did you have a good flight?”

“As good as it can be. I was playing gooseberry, as Bast had fallen to sleep.”

“Ha. Typical Bastien, it’s all the running about he’s done after myself and Leo. I wish I was with you.”

“So do I. I miss you already.”

“I miss you too. I’ll let you settle in. You’ve got a busy day tomorrow. I love you. Sweet dreams.”

“I love you too.”

Riley hung up, she knew she needed sleep but she doubted she would get any. And any thoughts/ dreams definitely wouldn’t be ‘sweet’.

****

The next morning, Riley got dressed in a black pencil skirt, white blouse and black suit jacket. She needed to look respectable. Leo joined her wearing a black suit.

Their friends left them to sit in the gallery.

“Riley, it’s going to be fine. We are going to win this! Don’t worry.”

“Leo, I can’t stop shaking. Nate’s a fucking lawyer. He will know how to get off scott free. I’m not strong enough to go through this. If.. if I’d just stayed in Cordonia, none of this would have happened.. you wouldn’t have been hurt...”

Leo hugged her tightly, his baby blues stared into hers. He cupped her cheeks pleaded with her to not worry.

“Ri, we all make silly mistakes. Drake who? You’re back with my brother now. He is a King. He will protect you until he dies. He loves you so much Riley. When you both reunited, that sparkle returned in his eyes. No matter what happens, you’re home is Cordonia now.”

“What if it fucks up again? I... I can’t go through it all again. I can only run so many times.”

“The only running you’ll be doing is running a country alongside Li. I’m sure of it. Obviously when the time comes.”

Riley looked at him confused then she realised what he meant- becoming Queen, marriage. She nodded not providing a response. Swallowing hard, her and Leo walked into the courtroom.

They sat down in the witness box. The judge entered wearing his black robe, sitting behind the raised desk providing the two of them a soft smile.

“See- he smiled at us. I think he’s in our favour.” Leo whispered to Riley before holding her hand. She couldn’t prevent her legs from shaking. Her breathing was getting louder and louder every second that went by. Just then, Nate walked in with his attorney- looking smart like he always did. He focused his gaze towards the two friends, winking and smirking at them both.

“He’s acting too confident.”

“Ri, it’s a poker face. We all know he’s going down for a long time. Don’t worry. I love ya”

Riley looked towards the gallery, seeing Beth, Lola and Daniel giving her encouraging smiles. Tears began to run down her cheek- I can’t do this. A member of court noticed and provided Riley with a box of tissues. Her nails were now non- existent, she really wanted to drink a bottle of vodka- to blank the pain currently going through her body.

*****

“Welcome everyone, we are about to begin- if I can remind you all to remain silent in the court room or immediate removal will take place. This court-case is Cooper vs Brooks/Rhys. The defendant earlier on, pleaded not guilty. Is that still correct Mr Cooper?”

“Yes, your honour. I still plead not guilty.”

Riley chocked, she felt like she couldn’t breathe. It would have been so much easier if he had pleaded guilty.

“So, I have decided that we begin with Miss Brooks.”

Shit. I can’t do this. I need Liam.

“Is that okay Miss Brooks?”

“Yes, your honor.” - no it’s not okay- I can’t breathe.

“You have already done your oath. Can you just confirm your full name before we begin.”

“Riley Sarah Brooks.”

“Thank you. I will ask the first question and Mr Cooper’s attorney will then take over. So how did you meet Mr Cooper?”

“In.. in the bar I worked in... he asked for a red wine and offered to buy me a drink.”

The judge gestured for her to continue.

“He asked me to go on a date with him. He called me beautiful. My last relationship had ended bad, I was rejected out of the blue- so for someone to call me that gave me a bit of hope that there were some good men out there.”

She looked guilty at Leo, knowing his brother wasn’t a bad man and neither was Drake. They both loved her. But for some stupid reason, she loved Nate bringing the sunshine back out of her miserable life.

“How long was the relationship good for Miss Brooks?”

“A few weeks. I felt happy. Then it turned sour.”

“Can you elaborate on ‘sour’.”

“He.. he became jealous. He.. he became controlling- I didn’t realise that at the time though. He became not the man I knew.”

“Can you explain what happened on the first apparent incident. My client denies any of those accusations. He is a well known lawyer with a good character background, not the character you are implying him to be Miss Brooks.”

“He’s not what he says he is!” Why doesn’t anyone believe me.

“Miss Brooks, please calm down and answer my question.” Fucking calm down are you for real?

“Fine! The first incident, I was in bed. It was early hours in the morning. He was shouting outside my apartment door, I let him in. He accused myself and Leo- Mr Rhys, flirting with each other.”

“And did you?”

“No! Leo is my friend. Who is dating my friend.”

“So why would my client believe that you would flirt with a friend. There had to be some reason for that.”

Leo was furious. He was a flirt. But that was before he met Beth. He wouldn’t flirt with someone who was like his sister in law.

“The only reason is that he’s tapped in the head! Myself and Leo are social smokers. We were in the smoking area in a club. And Leo had lost his lighter so asked to lend mine.”

“Please don’t label my client Miss Brooks. I doubt anyone would accuse someone of flirting- potentially having an affair over lending a lighter. Tell us the real reason why my client would accuse the two of you. Tell us about the incident that occurred due to the shouting inside your apartment.”

“I am telling the truth! He slapped me across the face. I told him he needed to sober up and I got hurt for it.”

Riley’s hand naturally went to the spot where the incident had happened, the pain still lingered there every time she thought about it.

“I doubt a slap is hurting someone. Most couples have arguments and fights. Was there any proper incidents that occurred after this?”

“Yes. I had three visits to the hospital due to him.”

“Please care to tell everyone.”

“The first time, he pushed me down my apartment stairs. I was pregnant at the time..”

“May I interrupt your honor. Just to let everyone know that this baby was in fact another mans baby and not my clients. He loved Miss Brooks that much that he was willing to bring up another mans baby as his own- not many men would do that. Do continue Miss Brooks..”

Riley and Leo were both angry at how he tried to paint Nate as the perfect family man. They both shared the same expression. Riley didn’t know how much more she could cope with. Does it matter who the baby daddy was? As a result to his actions he made an unborn baby die. Day one and she was already frustrated.

“Yes the baby wasn’t his. When I found out I was pregnant I was intending on ending the relationship, he told me he would love us both. That night he, pushed me down the stairs. I lost my baby. He showed no empathy. The reason I was on the stairs was because he had beaten Leo black and blue for apparently flirting with me again- which he wasn’t. I was going to find Leo to see if he was okay. He was keeping me company at work that night as a friend.”

“As a friend. Is that all you can say Miss Brooks? To cover up the fact that you two were having an affair?”

“We wasn’t... having an affair...” Riley replied now feeling defeated. No matter what she said, it wasn’t good enough.

“We will return to this Miss Brooks, please explain the other two hospital visits. The visits that may I remind you, you never mentioned in your police statement.”

“I didn’t mention them because I simply forgot. I was a mess. The second time, he punched me that much that I passed out- I had concussion. My mouth was swollen. My nose wouldn’t stop bleeding. My whole face was bruised. The third time he broke my arm. I couldn’t work. I lied to my friends about how it had broken...”

“Your honor. Miss Brooks has just admitted that she was ‘a mess’ and a liar. How can you ‘simply’ forget two hospital visits with those apparent major injuries? Do you really think that she is a reliable witness? It is her word against his. As we all know she was a mess. She was suicidal- a failed suicide attempt was attempted the day after she reported my client to the police. Was this because of the guilt of lying about what she was accusing my client with? I think so.”

“Your honor. I think my client has had enough questioning today. There is no need for Mr Cooper’s representative to bring my clients state of mind into this. As we can see she is broken. A woman that suffered domestic violence from a clever man. A woman who yes indeed lie but that was due to being petrified and embarrassed that she let this man ruin her self esteem.”

“Very well. We will take a short break, and will resume in an hour. We will listen to the other witness Mr Rhys upon our return. You are all excused.”

*****

Riley practically ran out of the room and outside. She needed a cigarette. Puffing the cigarette, the cloud of smoke covered her- she sprayed some perfume once she had finished to cover up her bad habit.

“Ri you did really well. They twist everything.” Leo tried to comfort her, knowing it was his time soon.

“Leo. He’s accusing us of having an affair. That’s a lie! Everything is a lie. We have no chance.”

The girls decided to take Riley to the coffee shop- for a Cronut. They believed this would crack a tiny smile at least. Leo took this opportunity to ring his brother up.

“Hey Leo. How was it? How is she doing?”

“They questioned her first Li. It’s my turn in an hour. They hounded her. She was crying all the way through. I couldn’t comfort her- they was accusing us of having an affair.”

“I see. It’s not too late for me to come. She needs me.”

“Li, I’ll bring him down don’t you worry. It’s his turn tomorrow. Then the day after will be sentencing. I’m feeling positive we are going to get justice. So no need for you to come. I’ll get Ri to ring you later.”

“Okay. Tell her I love her. Speak soon.”

****

Everyone returned to court. Riley could see Nate smirking at her in the corner of her damp eye. She was grateful for waterproof mascara- if not she would be getting accused for looking like a panda bear.

“You too, have already done your oath. Can you just confirm your full name before we begin.”

“Leo Rhys.”

“Thank you. I will ask the first question and Mr Cooper’s attorney will then take over, as he did with Miss Brooks. So how did you meet Mr Cooper and Miss Brooks?”

“I met Nate through Riley obviously. At first he seemed a charmer, a good guy. When she introduced us he seemed to like her a lot. I met Riley through my brother. She was my brother’s ex. It didn’t last long. I became closer to Riley when I started dating her friend- I didn’t know they were friends at this time.”

“Mr Rhys, you have just complimented my client. Confirming his good character. You also mention how she dated your brother. Why did that end? Did this affair start back then? You say you became closer when you began dating her friend? Closer as in too close?”

“I’m not complimenting him on anything. He is scum and always will be. We wasn’t having an affair. She loves-d my brother. There was other people involved hence the break down of the relationship. I love my girlfriend. Myself and Riley just click as friends. I only saw her twice whilst she was with my brother.”

“I’ll ask you and Miss Brooks to not label my client Mr Rhys. And does she love your brother or did she love him. You seemed to change your wording quickly. And other people involved? Do care to explain.”

Fucking bastard. Shit I’m under oath.

“I believe that she still loves him deep down. Yes, other people involved on my brother’s side. Don’t you still have a bit of love towards any ex’s or have any feelings towards them?”

Riley looked at Leo, he was under oath and blatantly lied. Technically he was correct, but Riley was also having a sort of relationship with Drake. Leo didn’t want to make Riley out to be a bad person- she wouldn’t have strayed to Drake if Liam hadn’t have let her go.

“We are not here to discuss my love life Mr Rhys.”

“We are not here to discuss mine either, but apparently I’m having an affair.”

“Your honor, this is ridiculous. Mr Cooper’s representative needs to refrain from irrelevant questions. My client is here to discuss the abuse he received from Mr Cooper, due to his jealousy.”

“I agree. Mr Slater please can we continue with relevant questions regarding the case.”

“Yes, your honor. I’m deeply sorry. Mr Rhys- what happened the night in question that Miss Brooks miscarried. She believes that my client attacked you.”

“He did. He confessed to her that he hurt me. I have witnesses and hospital records that also prove this. Just as Riley has hospital records for the pain he caused her. I was at Riley’s bar. She was on the late shift. I was sat at the bar talking to her when he entered. I was going to walk her home but he said he would so I left. I met my girlfriend, her sister and her sister’s boyfriend at the Kismet club. A few hours later, Nate came in to the club- dragged me out accusing me of flirting with Riley. He then punched me - I landed on the floor, and he kicked me in the ribs. Constantly he kept punching wherever he could.”

“So you had been drinking Mr Rhys? Is that why you fell to floor? Lost your balance due to being intoxicated? How do we know your story of events are accurate if you was drunk? And who are these witnesses you mentioned? Your close friends and girlfriend? Hardly reliable.”

“And the people in the club!”

“Why didn’t you press charges against Mr Cooper?”

“The truth... we had figured out he wasn’t who he said he was. We was scared of losing our friend, Riley. We didn’t want him to take his rage out on her.”

“But you did lose her. She blocked all contact from you all eventually. Don’t you think that was her way of telling you all to stop interfering in her love life. She stuck by my client for months after voiding you all. Did you try to contact her?”

“No.” Leo looked at Riley sorrow in his eyes feeling like the worse friend alive. He knew his reasons why he didn’t contact her, but these bastards would just twist his words. His positive attitude had now turned negative. He hoped tomorrow would see Nate get grilled as much as they had both been.

“Your honor, I have no more questions at the moment for Mr Rhys. In my eyes, he too is an unreliable source. He had been drinking the night of his ‘attack’- alcohol can paint a different image than what is happening in reality. He has confirmed that Miss Brooks apparently loves his brother- does this mean that she potentially would stray from a faithful relationship with Mr Cooper. If so, you can fully understand why my client would be angry and jealous.”

“Thank you Mr Slater. Court will be dismissed for today. It will begin the same time tomorrow. See you all tomorrow.”

*****

“Fuck Ri, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s not your fault Leo, you told the truth. I believe you. You believe me. He’s a lying weasel, the biggest cun....”

“Woah! Don’t continue that last word. Ladies don’t talk like that. And a Queen doesn’t talk like that either...”

Leo tried to make a joke, to brighten up their disastrous, stressful day.

“No Queen here, Prince Leo. No ring on the finger - so until then I can swear as much as I like.”

Riley smirked, joking back with the man who tried his best to help her bring down the man who had hurt them both.

Tomorrow will be a better day

[skinfeeler]

meandering diary post, or the melancholic tale of my 24-hour completely onesided romance in the context of the human condition

[[MORE]]

i've been a member of a student organisation for queer people for about half a year now. this means that i hadn't attended an introductory period yet — once an academic year, at the start of it — but that i knew basically everyone who organised it.

after a few days of miscellaneous activities that were mostly 'okay' (minus a drunk fall of my bike at some point) i knew a couple more people. still, it was nothing like the summer camp at the end of it.

the first 90% of the journey was by train. i shared four seats facing each other with three other people, including a girl who was slightly taller and a bit older than me. she had brought a wine bottle and so it happened that the four of us already started drinking at about 15, not even at the camp yet.

we got along though— especially this girl and i. we talked a bunch about the kinds of exercise/sports we like. she was my second round that day in explaining the rules of roller derby, i can do it in about 20 seconds now with the help of the images from the 'basics' section of this article: http://mtlrollerderby.com/the-rules-of-roller-derby/?lang=en w

e also talked about gender a bit. it went all right. we had a later conversation in our bunk that day where we really bonded, about trauma too and all that stuff.

"we have a bond, i think."

that was later though, for now i was still on my way. at some point i turned inwards as i sometimes do and during one of the transfers while outside she pulled me away and asked me if i was all right. i explained that i just have a few issues and that sometimes they played up. she gave me the big scarf she was wearing and told me to put it over my head and narrow my field of vision that way, just kind of hide in it. that that's what she does when she's not well. that was nice of her.

we missed the train-bus connection because we went to the supermarket of the small remote village to buy more wine, but we got picked up by a second bus a bit later.

once at the place i changed into a sexier outfit and instantly felt more confident. this was immediately crushed once people started making (completely benign) jokes about std tests. i started thinking about my own test and the rape that happened before it and just went sit somewhere with a beer bottle to be sad. one of the people who i knew was an organiser but didn't personally know asked me if i was all right and i stood up and tried to ask if we could go outside for a bit, but didn't manage to speak because i was already crying. fortunately he understood the cue. i told him about that i got triggered and he made sure to make it clear to me that the committee would do its best to look after me if i allowed him to tell that sometimes i get like this, with them not having to know what exactly. i took him up on the offer, and it helped that subsequently an organiser would occasionally come to me when i lost my vibe, which was quite often.

but in that moment just knowing people actually take it seriously was enough, and i told him that the best thing now would probably just be to rejoin the party and chug my beer, and so we returned inside and so i did.

a while later i lost a good portion of my energy again. in a fateful moment, i decided to go back to my room which i shared with others. my new friend was talking about speed with another girl, who ended up giving it to us.

"i'm done with this crap. you can have it if you want to."

i don't have the required associations to procure anything like this myself, so i thought i'd not pass up on the opportunity.

the four of us went back downstairs.

first i was cold, tired, and dull. now i possessed immense warmth, energy, and clarity, almost immediately.

i asked my friend if this is about what i should be feeling. she told me it was, but also immediately switched to her more caring tone and that i should be careful.

"if you ever want to try something, you can always do it at my place."

sounds like a fucked up bid to get me in a vulnerable situation, but given the context and her general conduct i am certain she really was just caring about me in a slightly dark way.

there were drinking games that we played in teams, in most of them chugging alcohol fast combined with skills of physical dexterity was determinant. in my current state, i was absurdly good at both on top of my usual degree of mastery and won us the tournament. it was nice to get cheered on lots— it was cool to be in a parallel dimension where suddenly the skills i had were brought up a number of times in the days after.

i had a great night. i hadn't been (that) happy in months. every moment my body was bursting with energy. i love dancing, and i especially love dancing when weird fellow mental cases who have taken it upon themselves for reasons i don't understand grasp both my hands, pull me in, and keep me very close to them. later we sat on a couch and i leaned against her and it was very nice. every time i asked her if she was uncomfortable she pet my head for a bit, so obviously i was instantly in love.

alcohol disables your mental safeguards and this can backfire. cigarettes just make you slow. speed simply solved every problem instantly.

we danced until 0400. after that we were offered a joint by someone and we passed that around in a circle so we could sleep better. it worked very well, but by the time we went to bed, it was simply almost time to get up, and they don't fuck around with schedule at student camps.

i woke up in agony because the day before i went on camp i had a really intense derby training, and when i dance, i really love to bring my hips into it. everything between my waist and knees was searing, burning, i had to stretch and massage until i took the edge off enough that i could convince myself that i wasn't injured. the night before i hadn't felt anything at all. obviously i was also more hungover than ever before, but like, whatever. because i value a varied diet and a rigorous exercise routine, i decided to take it easy from thereon, only start drinking in the evening, et cetera. i was already going to skip sunday training for this, and additionally there are a few resistance training goals that i want to meet in the near future.

these three felt otherwise. they would go on to drink all day. it was very difficult to talk to any of them, although they seemed to be having fun though. i was kind of bothered that i couldn't talk to this girl meaningfully at all anymore at some point, so during that day and the last day of camp i kind of stopped feeling something for her entirely, which was very odd, completely unlike how it usually goes for me.

we played some games, including a quiz. my team won the quiz, but not the other game.

that night most of my acquaintances were absent for the first part. the sweet autistic metalhead i met earlier had gone to her one-person bedroom to decompress, the three from the start were apparently on a walk that i couldn't safely participate in, the others were fuck knows where. i was in a really, really bad mood. i knew that speed would solve all my problems, allow me to join the dance party going on. instead i wasted away on a couch for a while.

then there was dinner, and then an awards show. two games won (the beer game counted) meant i was called in front twice and won a shot of hard liquor as a price, thus twice in a row. very convenient for my fealty to fitness, but at least nice.

afterwards, a number of friends were periodically back on the dance floor in shifts, and the shots were doing their job. the nice thing about shots is that they mean you don't constantly have to piss as with beer, so they made a nice base for the rest of my consumption that night.

i found my new favorite pop song dancing with the girl who i have a particular unbreakable fealty to— that resultant from me breaking down in her arms about a girl not liking me back earlier that year lol

that girl would eventually do some things to me that would present one of the main causes of me at times completely turning inwards and become unable to talk to people, simply looking on and knowing my humanity has been taken away from me by many people.

but right there, dancing, knowing i was surrounded by people who care about me even if i am nothing like then, i was doing just fine, despite having quietly had a mental breakdown on that couch where everything at once played up.

eventually the music selection turned to shit and i decided to do the smart thing and have six hours of sleep instead of two. some sweet angels made sure to coax me into drinking lots of water.

"you'll be grateful in the morning."

a decent night, minus the transmisogynist components of some sketch one of the members of the previous committee did. i'll talk to her about it soon and i'm confident she'll understand how it was hurtful— i had a drunk conversation with two other girls in the restroom about it and they were fully behind me and encouraged me to do this.

the next morning almost everyone was still drinking, despite the fact that most of the day we would just spend in a bus bringing us back from the middle of nowhere.

at some point i sat down on a couch and for the first time in days, took out my ear buds and listened to some music i like.

it was cathartic and i had a particular kind of realisation.

i had spent an entire alcohol getting fucked up to music i could only tolerate there and then, under bright lights and with accompanying alcohol. drinking the kind of alcohol i don't like drinking because it's what was available, hanging out mostly with people with whom i have very little in common. in general, kind of losing myself.

i knew what i needed to do, what i can do soon. all i need to do is get out of this house to a better place, get my painting station set up, keep being involved in the roller derby, and maybe somewhere along the lines i would figure stuff out for myself.

of course, there are certain social circumstances that need to happen to me too, but i certainly can't do that while inert.

i had skipped the derby's general member's meeting on friday. it was the only one of the year, and i really wanted to attend. they were discussing attendance policies, and i feel i could've really learned a lot about the members of the league from that. debates about derby as its own reward and assuming the inherent joy of cooperation versus a dedication to structured sustained development and competitivity, or any of the ways one could frame that.

i had missed a training, when i had immediate short-term goals that i could have fulfilled that training.

the other rookies like me, and so does the trainer. not because of my ability to chug alcohol really fast — although i intend to impress them at the party we apparently have soon — but because of my dedictation, fervor, and general attitude.

maybe there is a common source to the fact that i can dance better than i can talk and that i feel i'm more meaningfully together with people when i'm on wheels than when i'm not, generally speaking at least.

it feels like there's a rift between me and the rest of humanity, but a little less on the track than most other places.

but then speed also helps.

it helps everything. it makes me feel happy.

but i know i can't actually take this as often as i would need without fucking myself up. still, on our way back, alienated and exhausted, i was constantly craving it.

when we got out of the bus and a people hugged me goodbye, i did meditate for a bit on the fact that i did create many new bonds. maybe i'll get more out of them than i felt by the last day, but it's complicated.

and now i'm at friends who fed me and gave me weed to finally fucking calm down. it's all right.

i miss my friends in london who i feel separated from only by distance.

[i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend]

Snowed In ~ Bucky x Reader Oneshot

A/N: Apparently we might get snow in a couple days. It is officially valid for me to post a story about snow. (I’ve been trying to control myself). Hope you enjoy! There will probs be more snowy fluffy cuddles. 

Summary: You and Bucky get stuck at a safe house one night. Could it change everything for the two of you? 

Characters/Pairings: Bucky x reader, Steve (minor) 

Rating: T 

Warnings: Implied smut, mention of sick parent (alzheimers), some general sadness, angst if you squint? 

Word Count:  2337 

“Hey, Stevie. The package has been delivered and we are en route to extraction.”

“About that extraction…”

“What about it?”

“The storm is too bad. None of our pilots can get out to you until it dies down.”

“Great,” Bucky muttered beside you as he tried not to send the car careening off the road.

“So what are we supposed to do?”

“There’s a safe house two miles from your location. I’m sending you the coordinates. Bunk down there for the night and we’ll hopefully be able to get to you tomorrow.”

“Got it. Are you okay? You sound stressed, Stevie.”

“I’m fine.” You knew he was lying. “You two okay?”

“We’re good,” you said quickly.

You could feel Bucky’s eyes on you, but you ignored it.

“Are you sure? If not…” He trailed off with a huff.

“We’re good, Stevie,” you assured him.

“Alright. Then just call in when you get to the safe house.”

“Will do. Love you.”

“Love you too, sweetheart. Take care of each other.”

You plugged the coordinates into the GPS before looking out at the quickly worsening storm. You were glad Bucky was the one driving. You were also glad that you were going to bunk down somewhere for the night. Of course the prospect of staying with the Winter Soldier without any buffer was worrisome.  

It wasn’t that you were afraid of Bucky. You knew he would never hurt you. But you were intimidated by the super soldier. And you didn’t think he liked you very much.

When you had joined the team, Steve had become your S.O and eventually your pseudo big brother. You were practically inseparable now. As such you had spent a lot of time with Bucky in the last year and a half, but he still clammed up around you 90% of the time. However the other 10% he was charming and inquisitive, and that had been plenty for you to develop a crush on him.

As he drove, you surreptitiously watched his profile, cataloguing each clench of his jaw as he struggled to keep the SUV on the road.

“We’re here,” he reported flatly when you pulled up to the small cabin.

“Cozy,” you observed, doing your best to sound cheery.  

He huffed out half a laugh, and you counted it as a point in your favor.

After a too quick shower, you wrapped a blanket around your shoulders and shuffled to the kitchen to scrounge up some food for you and Bucky. You had just dumped the ravioli into the strainer when Bucky wandered in, sniffing the air.

“Whatever brand sauce that is, we need to buy it for the tower.”

“It’s the usual brand. I just added a little something extra to it.”

You added another dash of thyme and gave it a stir before offering him a spoonful. His eyes slid shut and he groaned as he tasted it.

“I think you missed your calling, doll.”

You prayed that he couldn’t hear the way your heart quickened at the nickname. It was always reserved for nights when he felt particularly affectionate towards you.

“Is there enough for two?” he asked hopefully.

“Of course. Figured you might be hungry.”

You quickly dished out the food, humming to yourself, feeling oddly at ease with Bucky.

“This safe house is surprisingly well stocked. Do you want red or white?”

He grinned and held up two bottles of wine, when you looked at him in confusion.

“Red please.”

“Coming right up.”

“I’m also pretty sure that this isn’t so much a safe house as it is one of Tony’s vacation houses,” you commented as you set the plates down before sitting cross-legged on the comfy kitchen chair.

“Lucky us.”

“Lucky us,” you echoed, digging into your food.

“Have you ever made your own sauce from scratch?” Bucky asked after he finished his first round of ravioli.

“Yeah, a bunch of times. It’s pretty good.”

“Do you have a secret recipe?”

You shook your head with a smirk. “No recipe. I do it by taste. Every batch is different.”

“What made you get into cooking?”

So he was in an inquisitive mood tonight.

“I was the daughter of a single mom who had to work way too many hours to keep us afloat. Eventually it became my way of giving back to her.”

“She’s clearly an amazing woman to have raised such an amazing daughter.”

You wanted to scoff, brush off the compliment, but his words were casual but sure.

“She’s one of the strongest people I know. I hope to be half the woman she is someday. I remember this one time, I always begged to go to the beach every summer, but she could never take the time off. But one year she finally had a few days off and she packed up the car and we went to the beach. Only it was the middle of February in New England. It was freezing so I couldn’t go in the water. But we still walked along the beach every day at sunrise and sunset. And we ate junk food and watched late night TV. It was great.”

“Steve and I did something like that one time. But we were dumb enough to go in the water. Steve was stuck under blankets for a week.”

You smiled at the fondness in his voice.

“Right after I graduated from college, I had saved up enough to take her on a real vacation. We spent two weeks in Hawaii. I think that was the first time I saw my mom relax,” you smiled to yourself as you remembered.  

“That was really sweet, doll. Are you two still close?”

Your face fell and he knew he had asked the wrong question.

“Sort of. Not really. I mean I still see her all the time, but umm. She has early onset alzheimers so she doesn’t really remember me most days.”

“I’m sorry, y/n.”

You sniffed and focused on the ceiling trying not to outright cry.

“Sometimes there are still good days. But she’s being well-taken care of, so that’s all I can really ask for.”

“I didn’t mean to bring up such a painful topic. As you know I’m pretty rusty on the whole good conversation thing.”

He was floundering, and you shook your head smiling.

“No, I haven’t thought about those trips in forever. It’s nice to remember good times with my mom.”

“Memories certainly are precious.”

“I’ll drink to that.”  

 The conversation turned lighter after that. Several hours later, you tried and failed to fight a yawn. You didn’t want the night to end. This was the longest conversation you had had with Bucky, and you didn’t want whatever magic there was to go away.

“You’re exhausted, doll. We should get some sleep.”

“I’m good.”

“Your eyes are practically closed. Why don’t you take the bed? I’ll take care of the dishes and crash on the couch.”

“I’ll take the couch. I’ve always enjoyed sleeping by a fireplace.”

You helped put the dishes in the sink before wrapping the comforter around you once more and headed for the couch. You paused in the doorway as Bucky whistled while he washed the dishes.

“Hey, Bucky?”

“Yeah, doll?”

You sucked in a deep breath, before rushing through your next words.

“This was nice. We should do it more often.”

He smiled and chuckled a little before answering.

“I’d like that.”

“Good night, Bucky.”

“Good night, doll.”  

 You woke up shivering. You were about to leave your cocoon to stoke the fire when Bucky emerged from bedroom with the duvet from the bed around his shoulders.

“I can hear your teeth chattering in there."

“S-sss-sorrry, B-bb-b-b-ucky.”

“Nothing to be sorry for, y/n. The heat went out.” He tossed a few logs on the fire to build it up. “Alright, move over.”

“W-why?” You asked, but did as he asked.

“Because, clearly the fire isn’t enough to keep you warm. But I can.”

He stretched out along the couch and you hesitantly lay down next to him. But the second your body sensed his heat, you burrowed into him instinctually.

“God, you’re so hot,” you mumbled around a yawn.

“You’re making me blush, doll,” he smirked and spread the duvet over the two of you.

Some part of your brain was mortified.

“I meant your body is hot.”

“Oh really?”

You mentally smacked yourself.

“Just go to sleep, you talking furnace,” you grumbled.

“Whatever you say.”

You would have continued digging yourself a hole with a shovel of embarrassing comments, but his warmth and his fingers absent-mindedly rubbing back and forth over your lower back had you sighing in contentment and before you knew it you were asleep.

 The next time you woke up, Bucky’s lips were resting against yours. Your first thought was how unbelievably soft his lips were. The second was something along the lines of oh god what if he wakes up like this?!

You slowly tried to pull away, but he followed and now his lips were slotted with yours and you could taste the wine from dinner. You tried to turn your head but each time you moved he moved with you, so you gave up. Just then Bucky started to stir and you slammed your eyes shut, hoping he’d think you were still asleep. He stiffened the moment he woke up, and tried to pull away slowly. Instinctively you moved with him, but you couldn’t keep your eyes closed and you locked gazes with him.

You were both still for a moment, lips still interlocked until you threw caution to the wind and sucked on his lower lip. He groaned and pulled you closer. You wove your fingers into his hair. He managed to free you from the blankets you’d been huddled under and rolled so you were lying on top of him.

He trailed kisses down your neck and chest, but he froze when he reached the collar of your shirt or more accurately Steve’s shirt that you had stolen.

“I’m sorry. This is wrong. We shouldn’t be doing this.”

“Why not?”

“What would your boyfriend say?”

“I don’t think he’d give a shit since he doesn’t exist,” you laughed moving to kiss him again.

“He’s my best friend. How could you say- wait what?” He asked pulling away.

You pushed against his chest so you could sit up, still straddling him.

“Bucky, I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“You’re not dating Steve?”

Your eyes nearly bugged out of your head.

“Steve?! God no. He’s like my brother.”

“Really?” He asked, eyes wide and hopeful.

“Really,” you told him seriously. “I’m not dating anybody.”

He grinned broadly. “In that case.”

Before you could respond his lips were back on yours. You moaned as he slid his hands under your shirt, grazing across your ribs.

 Later, you laid cuddled against Bucky on the floor beside the fireplace, humming as you traced designs across his chest.

“Bucky?”

“Yeah, doll?”

You propped your head on your hand so you could look at him.

“Why did you think Stevie and I were dating?”

“You guys are just so close and cuddly.”

“Not any more than anyone else.”

He bobbed his head, conceding the point.

“But you say I love you all the time to him. Only to him,” he added.  “Also you wear his clothes.”

He had a point, but he was still wrong.

“I do love Steve. Like my brother. He didn’t tell you how I got on the team did he?”

“No. I assumed you were recruited because you were a smarty pants.”

“I was. Just out of college. But I was cut from the program within a week, because I couldn’t keep up physically.”

“You’re one of our best fighters.”

You preened slightly at the compliment.

“Now. Because of Steve. But before I couldn’t even run a mile. Steve fought for me, worked with me for months, pushed me when I wanted to quit, and then got Fury to clear me so I could join the team. And when the team questioned him, he stood up for me. He put his faith in me. Some weak computer nerd who probably should have been working a cubicle at this point.”

“That’s so not true, doll.”

“Whether it is or isn’t is beside the point. The thing is, how could I not love Steve after what he’s done for me? But it was never romantic.”

Bucky was silent, stewing it over.

“Do you believe me?”

“Of course I believe you. I’m just, I was so convinced. It’s taking a little bit for my brain to catch up.”

“If you thought I was dating Steve, why didn’t you just ask him?”

“I didn’t want to mess anything up for you guys.”

“How would asking if we’re dating mess anything up?”

“Steve’s a self-sacrificing idiot,” he stated as if it answered everything.

“Agreed, but what does that have to do with anything?”  

“I was worried that if he thought I liked you, he’d try to break things off and get us together. I didn’t want to do that to either of you,” he whispered. “God that sounds so cocky, because it sounds like I assumed you liked me. I didn’t. Seriously. I hoped, but… even if you did I would never take my best friend’s girl. But god did I wish you were mine.”

You didn’t know what else to do but lean over and kiss him.

“In case it wasn’t clear. I really like you. And I’m all yours. If you want me,” you added when he swallowed nervously at your words.

“I want you. All of you.”

He cupped the back of your neck and pulled you in for a bruising kiss. You didn’t pull away until oxygen was an absolute necessity, and Bucky took the opportunity to focus on your neck, tugging down the shirt you had retrieved after your first round.

“Oh, doll.”

“Yeah, Buck?”

“No more wearing Steve’s shirts. Just mine. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Good.”

A/N: So I hope you enjoyed! Not quite as fluffy as my usual fare but it’s been kicking around for a while. So thanks for reading! 

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[revolutionnaire-farouche]

Do me a favour (Enjolras x Reader) Part 2

Summary: You can't hide the truth forever.

Warnings: A little angst, some descriptions of wounds, but a cute ending anyway

Notes: Thank you all for reading part 1, I hope you'll like this too! ♥️

At nights, you usually imagined all the worst case scenarios, just to be prepared. But you clearly weren't.

"I-I don't know what are you talking about, monsieur" You were struggling to keep a straight face as you were slowly walking backwards, but the man grabbed your arm as soon as he noticed it. Which put your friends in alert. Enjolras, who was sitting, was quickly to get up, with a frown on his face, as he tried to walk towards you to help you, but he was quickly stopped by other of them, who came to the rescue intead of the blond.

"Your father has been looking for you for nine months, Y/N! We thought something happened to you! We---" The man was clearly upset at you, and he was grabbing your arm really tight, hurting you. But he was interrupted for a person who appeared next to you. It was Grantaire.

"I'm sorry, monsieur. But there's a reason why are you grabbing my sister's arm?" His voice sounded deeper than usual, and he was giving the man a death stare.

"Your sister?" The man said confused, as he let your arm go, and you look at Grantaire for help. You didn't wanted to look at the others. You didn't wanted to look at Enjolras.

"Yes, my sister. Pauline, are you alright?" Grantaire looked at you, putting one of his arms around you, like he was trying to protect you.

"Yes, R. I'm alright. This man just thought I was somebody else" You followed Grantaire's lie, and you felt a little relief. The man widely opened his eyes, and he turn red.

"I'm sorry, monsieur! I'm embarrassed!" He started to apologized, and you were surprised that he believed it. "She looks just like Monsieur Y/S/N's daugther!"

"Oh, I see. But why will she be in this side of the city if she's the daugther of Monsieur Y/S/N? That's nonsense!" He faked a smile, and you too. Both of you were more relaxed now that he was buying it.

"I know, monsieur! But you never know. She disappeared nine months ago. She was always trouble for her dad. Always arguing and complaining! And then, nine months ago she wasn't nowhere to be found, and she just left a silly note on her bed. I am the one who's looking for her ever since. Maybe I'm seeing her everywhere!" The man said as he sat back on his chair, and you looked away from him.

"Oh, that's a shame. I really hope you'll find her. Her parents must be really worried." Grantaire spoke in a really credible concerned tone.

"Between you and me, maybe it's better this way. She never belong with that family, sometimes I think that the only reason why I'm looking for her is because her father arranged her wedding and he doesn't want to loose that money!" He said, letting go a obnoxious laugther. Grantaire had to fake a laugh too, even he thought what he said was despicable and he wanted to punch him. You on the other hand, felt deeply hurt. You knew that sometimes you and your father didn't got along, that was one of the reason you left home, but you still loved him and your sister, and hearing someone said something like that really hit you.

"You want some wine, monsieur?" You swallowed the nod of your throat to finally spoke out. Grantaire let you go, but he stayed beside you.

"Yes, please, mademoiselle." The man didn't even looked at you this time.

You quickly went to grab a bottle of wine. The moment was really awful, and you had you wipe some tears from your eyes. While you were serving the wine, you felt a hand on your shoulder, it was Grantaire.

"You are sure that you're fine?" He looked concerned, you were his friend, and he listened all the horrible things that the man said about you, he was clearly worried about how you might felt after that.

"Yes, I'm sure. Thank you, R, really. But can we talk later, please?" You avoid his eyes, you were ashamed about how he discover your lie. And not only him discovered it, but all Les Amis listened to the man's speech about you and your life before meeting them.

"Sure, I'll be with the others. Be careful" You nodded at him, before grabbing the glass and started walking towards the man again, you serve him his drink, and he gave you a tip for "the inconvenient".

You waited until he left, before heading towards your friends' table again. You actually didn't wanted to face them, but you have to do it, sooner or later. You took a deep breath, as you get closer to them. Everyone stared at you, until someone finally spoke.

"Are you alright, Y/N?" Bossuet said, he looked worried about how you felt.

"Yes, I guess I am...Listen. I'm so sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I was so comfortable with all of you, and I was scared to tell the truth and I..." You were visibly anxious, and you were speaking really fast. And before you can finish your sentences, Grantaire hugged you.

"Don't worry, darling. We don't care about it. Everything is fine." He said in a really sweet tone. You hugged him tight, you really needed a hug in that moment.

"Thank you, fake-brother" As you said that, Grantaire started laughing. When you let him go, you saw the rest of them really happy that you were fine. But then...

"She lied to us." You knew that voice really well. But this time It sounded really bitter. It was Enjolras.

"Enjolras..." Jehan said to him, like he was trying to stop him.

"No. She lied to us. And you just forgive her?" He looked really pissed, but behind his frown, he felt betrayed.

"You are right. I lied to you. And I'm deeply sorry." You started to felt dragged down again.

"She was scared, Enjolras. She left her fami..." Joly added, but he was interrupted by Enjolras again.

"We don't know her. She could even be a spy." That was just ridiculous, you couldn't believe what he was saying.

"That's it, Enjolras." Courfeyrac stopped him, he was clearly angry about how Enjolras was reacting.

"Yes, you are right. That's it." He said before heading to the back room.

You were freeze in that moment. That day was already bad, and it was just getting worst. Enjolras' words just made you feel even worst.

"I'm going to speak with him..." Combeferre tried to stand up, but Courfeyrac quickly grabbed his arm, and sat him on his chair again.

"Why don't you try to speak to him, Y/N?" Courfeyrac said, receiving a confused look from Combeferre.

"Yes, I will" you left your friends, and you headed to the back room.

"What was that?" Combeferre whispered to Courfeyrac.

"I'll explain you later" Courfeyrac answered to him, clearly worried.

You were standing in front of the back room's door. You weren't sure if you were ready to speak to Enjolras. He felt really betrayed. But in the end, you didn't have anything to lose. You opened the door, just to see Enjolras standing in front of the window, watching the view, and giving his back towards you. You walked closer to him, and you gained enough courage to finally speak.

"Enjolras...I know I should have told you the truth. I really tried, I esa going to tell you soon, but the truth is that I was scared, because I like you, and I didn't wanted to screw anything up. But well, I did it anyway. And I'm terribly sorry." You could heard the regret in your voice, but there wasn't a response to it. He was ignoring you.

"Enjolras, please. Listen to me..." You voice cracked a little as you were speaking. "Please, do me a favour and just look at me."

Enjolras felt really bad too. Why didn't you tell him? He fell for you really quick, and now he felt stupid because he didn't even know your real name. But it wasn't just that, you didn't tell him in all this time, he felt like you didn't trust him. But when he heard the words "Do me a favour" he could avoid thinking about all the nights you spend togheter talking, joking, and sharing things, that felt real for him. So decided to turn around. He saw your sad expression, looking for him, and he felt even worst. A part of him wanted to forgive you, and hug you, but another part of him felt let down. After a few of minutes of hesitation, he finally spoke.

"What did the note said?"

"W-What?" The question confused you a lot, you naturally frown

"The man. He said you left a note before leaving." He started avoiding your eyes again.

"Oh, that one..." You felt like he was avoiding the subject, but at least he was talking to you "I saw one of your speeches months ago, of course I didn't know it was you, and I felt really inspired. That was one of the reasons I runaway. So, my note said "Vive la France" "

Enjolras walked towards you, until he was standing next to you, he put one of his hands on your shoulder, and without even looking at you, he said "I forgive you" before leaving the room.

That "I forgive you" didn't felt real, and you just confirm it along the days. He stopped staying at the Musain at nights, he didn't spoke to you anymore, and worst of all, he was avoiding you. All your friends quickly noticed how both of you looked sad, you didn't sung anymore for them, and Enjolras looked less motivated at his speeches. They try to fix things up, but it didn't worked.

A few days later, another rally took place, but this time it wasn't successful as the last one. Soldiers arrived really quick, and they were very angry. You were helping people in their escape, and suddenly, you heard a shot sound, followed by a pain on the side if your waist. You quickly fell into the ground, as you direct one of your hands to your side, and when you looked at it, it was full of blood. Enjolras stay behind also helping people to escape, and when he heard the shot he started to look around, just to saw how you were in the floor, bleeding. His heart filled with fear, but he didn't stay still, he inmediately ran towards you. Without even thinking, he picked you up carefully, and started running to the Musain with you in his arms. You were surprised that he helped you, but also glad, but with the pain, you didn't think about it a lot, and you didn't try to speak to him.

When you arrived to the Musain, he started to calling Joly really loud, who came inmediately. You didn't even wanted to talk,

"What happened to her!?" Behind Joly, Bossuet appear screaming, nervous at the scene.

"She was shot, and she was in the ground. I bringed her here as quick as I can" Enjolras was really anxious and scared, what if something happens to you?

"I-I'm ok. It's not as bad as it looks, I swear..." You muttered.

"Bossuet, take her to her room, so I can attend her and she can rest" Bossuet nodded, and grabbed you carefully bridal style, you were kind of nervous he accidentally fell. Before leaving, you grabbed Enjolras arm, who stayed there to see how you were, he was surprised, and he direct a caring look at you.

"Thank you, Enjolras..." You felt really tired at that point, but you did an effor to smile at him, who returned it.

Once on your room, Joly took care of your wound, thankfully, it wasn't something serious, but you needed to stay in bed some time. When your friends receive the news, everyone came to see you, except Enjolras, who stay downstairs, concerned because he didn't knew anything about you since a few hours, and Joly didn't came out from your room in any moment. He was worried, what if something happened to you? his mind wasn't helping him to stay calm. At some point, Combeferre came out from your room, so Enjolras quickly approached him.

"Combeferre! How is she?" He was afraid, and anxious of the answer he might get after that question

"Why don't you go and ask her yourself?" He tried to leave, so Enjolras grabbed his arm

"Please...I just want to know if she's fine" His voice sounded particularly softer when he spoke of you, and you could saw on his face that he needed to know how you were, so Combeferre answered him.

"Y/N is fine. She loose some blood, but she'll survive." inevitably a smile appear on the blond's face, and he felt relief "But I think you should go and see her..."

"I don't know if she wants to see me" Enjolras knew he was wrong at push you away, and he thought you probably didn't wanted to see him after all.

"She misses you. And it's obvious you miss her...Just go and check on her" Combeferre left after saying that, and after some hesitation about his words, Enjolras finally decided to go to see you.

His head was filled with doubts, what if Combeferre was wrong? but he decided to enter to your room anyway, see you will surely make him feel even more relieved.

"You should have seen Javert's face when we...!" Inside the room, only Eponine, Gavroche, and Grantaire stayed with you, the others had things to do. Gavroche was telling a story, but when he heard the door, he stopped and looked at it, just to see Enjolras, everyone else did the same. When Eponine saw him, she quickly stand up, followed by Grantaire.

"Well, Gav. It's time to go! Y/N needs to rest" Meanwhile, Grantaire was giving Enjolras a smirk.

"But I didn't finished my story yet!" The little one complained, but he stood up anyway.

"You'll finish it later! Let's go"

Your three friends quickly left, greeting Enjolras before leaving. Once the door closed again, you just stayed silence for a minute. And Enjolras sat in a chair next to your bed.

"I just...I just wanted to know how are you" He finally spoke giving you a quick look before looking at the floor again.

"I'm fine. It wasn't really serious, but Joly insisted me to get some rest...and I don't know what it's more painful, the shot or not doing anything" Enjolras smiled at your words, and he looked at you again.

"Listen...I'm sorry." He face was filled with concern one more time.

"Enjolras, I already told you that it's not your fault the fact that sometimes the rallies end like this" You gave him a smile, you actually didn't care about getting hurt by helping other people.

"No, not about that. I'm sorry for pushing you away" Now you realized he was talking about what happened days ago, so you remained silent "It wasn't right. You were scared, and you barely met us...you barely met me. And you was just waiting to be sure we were trust worthy. And when I looked at you laying on the ground, bleeding, I couldn't bare the idea of losing you...And I didn't wanted that our last memory togheter is a fight. I was wrong, and I don't think I could say something to fix it, but I just wanted to say that I'm sorry" He looked really sad before confesing it all, and what he was saying warmed your heart again.

"Stop..." He looked surprised about you saying that. You moved to one side of the bed, leaving the other side free, as you gave him a smile "Come here"

He sat next to you, and before he could even put himself comfortable, you hugged him, trying not to do so much effor because of your wound. He softly hugged you back, and he took a moment to enjoy that moment, and to feel your smell again. You put your head on his chest, enjoying his warm embrace.

"I forgive you" You separated a little from him, but keeping the embrace. He lay down on the bed next to you, and you stared at eachother for a while, admiring the other just like you were admiring a paiting. With one of his hands, he started to caress your cheek, before placing a kiss on your lips. That kiss revived something in both of you, you suddenly felt full of joy again, and you wanted to stay in that moment as long as you can.

"I'm sorry for lying you in first place" You said while looking at him.

"It doesn't matter anymore. You're still you, and that's all that matters" He placed a kiss on your forehead.

"We should check if Courfeyrac didn't forgot his jacket around here again"

You started laughing and, just as you used to do, you started talking about everything again, enjoying eachother's company. In that moment, that was all you needed.

[zirawrites]

How do interested companions react to finding out sole has attempted suicide?

This reaction has been sitting in my inbox for awhile and I’ve just now worked up the nerve to tackle it. Self-harm/suicide is literally my ONLY personal trigger, and I’ve always deleted these messages on-sight when roleplaying. However, I think doing a suicidal Sole isn’t far from canon. It’s a side of Sole the game didn’t really explore, so I’m glad I can add that new dimension to our hero.

Obviously the trigger-warning is self-harm and mentions of suicide. I was going to do a generic suicide scenario to start out with, but decided to tailor it more personally to each companion. If you’re having suicidal thoughts, please reach out to a loved one or professional.

Cait: Cait wasn’t a stranger to self-harm. It seemed easier to punish herself over how little her parents (or anyone, for that matter) loved her. But her stoic Sole? Cait’s first reaction was disbelief when she noticed the scars on Sole’s wrists. They were faded and pink, but still noticeable when Sole’s sleeves rode up their arms. The two friends made eye contact from across the table, and Sole immediately tried to make up an excuse for why their wrists were scabbed over.

“Yer not that good of a storyteller,” Cait said. Her voice was soft, but concerned. Sole had never seen her eyes so dark. “Look, I know you’ve been given the short end of tha’ stick lately. What, with yer son turn’n up the leader of the boogeymen and losen’ your husband/wife. But… I remember when I used to do the same thin’.” Cait turned up her wrists to show even lighter scars. “I stopped shortly after ya rescued me. I guess you showed somethn’ in me I didn’t know was there. I was someone worth savn’ once I got those chems outta me.” She took Sole’s hand, and tried not to let her watery eyes spill over. “Sole, I’m clean now. And lookn’ at you… yer someone worth savn’, too. So please, jus’ talk to me if it gets that bad again.” Sole promised, cross their heart.

Codsworth: Codsworth had no idea Sole self-harmed until they let it slip in conversation. According to his master, they hurt themselves when they felt the burden of losing Shaun weigh too heavy. Codsworth was crushed. He would have tended to Sole night and day if they had just told them how bad their mental health was getting. “It’s because you found me such a mess when we reunited in Sanctuary,” Codsworth groaned. “I would have never went blabbering on about my own shortcomings if I had known what a heightened state you were in. Please, mum/sir… forgive me. You needed me and I… I FAILED you!” If Codsworth could cry, he would be inconsolable.

Sole assured her Mr. Handy that their past actions had absolutely nothing to do with him. They were responsible for their self-harm and no one else. It took Sole nearly an hour to convince him they weren’t suicidal anymore, especially thanks to how close Codsworth held them in his heart. Even so, Codsworth guarded Sole at night just in case his master woke and needed him by their side. He’d always be there for them, even if it meant another 200 years of getting nuclear fallout out of vinyl wood.

Curie: Curie was reading a new textbook Sole had nabbed them on a recent mission. The book was on soldiers returning from war with PTSD. However, parts of the pages were ripped, and Curie was struggling to fill in the blanks. She asked Sole if they knew anything about the symptoms of PTSD, which Sole apparently knew plenty about. Since entering the Commonwealth, Sole had been so overcome with stress that they even once found themselves at the edge of an overpass. Sole didn’t jump, but in that moment they knew they had to seek mental health, and here they were now after those first grueling nights finding Shaun.

Before Curie knew it, she was crying. It was only a few shuddered hiccups, but Sole’s story touched her. “My dear friend,” Curie said. “I had no idea you were struggling with your mental health. And here I am priding in to your personal life. You do not have these thoughts now, do you?” Sole assured Curie that was in the past. “Either way, I insist you come to me if you ever need to talk. I am well-equipped with the medical training to discuss such matters objectively. And also… you mean a lot to me, madame/monsieur. I would never want harm to befall you.”

Danse: He didn’t want to believe the rumors, but the medical history of Sole Danse happened upon in the sick bay of the Prydwen didn’t lie. Sole awoke to heavy knocking at their door, and opened it to see Danse clearly distraught. His brows furrowed together, and his lips were more pouting than usual. Danse asked to come in, and then sat at the edge of Sole’s bed. He struggled to find the words at first, so Sole encouragingly placed their hand on his back. 

“First off, please don’t think I was prying,” Danse said. “Knight-Captain Cade needed assistance organizing files in his office, and yours just happened to be at the top of the pile. It was open on your mental health examination, I swear.” 

Sole dismissed Danse’s words with the wave on their hand. They knew exactly what was in that document. When Sole first entered the Brotherhood, they had to talk about a history of drug abuse. When Sole first found out Shaun led the Institute, they had tried to overdose. It wasn’t anything they were proud of, but Sole didn’t want to lie to their brothers.

“That’s understandable,” Danse reassured. “Admirable, even. I just never expected someone as levelheaded as you to do something as risky as that. But I suppose we all have our demons.” A sharp inhale. A shaky exhale. “This doesn’t change the way I feel about you, you know. You have my complete trust in battle, and loyalty as your friend. Not to sound cliche but… I’m here if you ever need to talk.”

Deacon: It wasn’t every night Deacon asked Sole to cut loose with him. He liked to keep all his faculties alert, but they had just picked up an important dead drop and even Desdemona said the two partners needed a break. Instead of going out in goofy disguises like Deacon always suggested they do one day, he used his personal stash of caps to buy him and Sole the best middle-tier wine he knew. Not too good, not too bad. He knew Sole would appreciate the symbolism in his sentiment.

Deacon leaned against the wall and listened to a drunk Sole ramble about their favorite missions. They could barely keep themselves up on the desk, so Deacon kept himself within arms’ reach in case he needed to catch them. “R-remember when we-we-we dressed like raiders to save that synth underground?” Sole slurred. Deacon answered with a soft mhmm. “And… and do you remember w-when I was a body-double for Magnolia to spy on that safe house leak? And you accidentally spilled wine on me so I had to SLAP you?” Another mhmm. “I SLAPPED you, Deacon! Hows that feel, buddy?”

“I lie awake every night thinking about it, boss,” Deacon chided. “Not a day goes by where I don’t remember shaming my family name.”

“I shamed my family name when I swallowed that bottle of pills.” Sole took another long drink of wine, then dramatically smacked their lips. “I don’t know how Codsworth didn’t find me the next morning. I’m g-glad though, ya know? I really got my shit together after that. Haven’t thought about checkn’ out since.”

Deacon was floored. He watched Sole stare down at their empty wine glass, then say something about shaking him down for more caps. He wasn’t really sure the specifics because his ears were ringing. Sole had always been his role model. They were perfect in every way. If someone as strong as them could get that desperate, who was he in this world? He tucked their hair behind their ears as then drunkenly smiled up at them. “I really need you, pal,” he said. “Honestly, I had no idea things had gotten that bad. Can you give me a heads up next time so I can cheer you up?” Deacon knew suicidal thoughts ran deeper than whatever half-assed jokes he could cure them with, but if he got any more personal he was afraid he’d cry. “We look out for each other. Hell, we’re family. So please… just…” Deacon ended his rambling with a lopsided smile.

Gage: “What fuckn’ cowards,” Gage seethed. He and Sole stood at an abandoned outpost. They were trying to track down rouge raiders that had defected from the Operators. However, the only people left in the ruins were a handful of people who had shot themselves. They either knew Sole and Gage were closing in, our they were done with the raider lifestyle. “Bunch of complete wastes of space,” Gage continued. “Anyone who ain’t man enough to deal with their fuckn’ problems doesn’t deserve the resources they suck dry while they’re here.”

Sole had no idea why Gage was so opposed to the idea of suicide. As he grit his teeth and began to loot the camp, Sole hung back. Sole knew Gage looked up to them as a leader. How would he feel if…?

“You okay, Overboss?” he asked. “If this sight is a little too gruesome for ya, there’s no need to hang around. I can come back with some other men and finish the clean-up.”

“I could have been one of these people, Gage.” Sole crossed their arms, determined not to break eye contact. Gage asked what Sole meant. “When I first realized my son was gone, my wife/husband was gone… I put a gun to my head. I didn’t know it was empty. But if it had been? I’d have been just like any of these raiders.” Sole sucked in a deep breath when they saw Gage tense up. “Be angry that these people broke their codes and left our ranks. But not that they couldn’t face their demons. They weren’t wastes of space.”

“Shit.” Gage took a step forward. Sole noticed he went to reach for their arm, but he stopped himself at the last second. For the first time ever, Gage actually seemed remorseful. “I had no idea, Sole. I’m sorry I said all that. If someone like you can struggle with those thoughts, then anyone can. We’ll… give ‘em a proper burial here. Promise.”

Hancock: “You know, sometimes I think you want to overdose.” Sole was talking to Hancock who currently lounged back on the couch. He was absolutely defenseless where he lay. It was adorable. Just to make sure the mayor was as incapacitated as he seemed, Sole grabbed his favorite hat and placed it on their own hat. It took Hancock over ten seconds to register what happened. “That’s sad,” Sole said. “I’m keeping this.”

Hancock reached his arm out with the most pathetic look he could muster. “I’m hurtn’ here, sweetheart,” he moaned. “It’s been a long day and I’m a tired ghoul. I deserve to get this high. But I can’t complete the ensemble without that hat.” Sole rolled their eyes and gave it back to him, then laughed as he put it on backwards. “There. Now I’m as handsome as ever.”

“Stop changing the subject,” Sole said. They were trying to look serious, but failing. How could you stay mad at Hancock? He got under your skin in all the right ways. “It’s dangerous to take that much at one time. I took just a little more than that when I found out Shaun was gone hoping I wouldn’t wake up. I can’t believe you do all this for fun.”

Even in his stupor, Hancock registered exactly what Sole was getting at. “You did what?” he gaped. Sole looked down at their feet. “You’re telln’ me you tried to kill yourself not that long ago? Holy shit.” Hancock sat up with some inner strength he didn’t know he had. Even though the world was spinning, he managed to take Sole’s hand in his own. “Please tell me you ain’t thinkn’ about doing something like that again. I couldn’t bear to lose you over the fact you think no one cares. Cause I really do, and there ain’t no dose of chems that’d ever be more important to me than you.”

MacCready: He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. MacCready had opened up to Sole about losing Lucy, and the suicidal thoughts thereafter when he figured life wasn’t worth living without her. Sole told him their similar feelings after losing their spouse, and he felt his stomach knot. MacCready thought he was just some trifling gun-for-hire who fell ass-backwards in to a marriage he didn’t deserve with a son he couldn’t provide for. But Sole was… the complete opposite. They were thrown in to this apocalypse, not born in to it like he was. They took everything in stride. Placed their friends’ safety above their own. Passed up well-deserved caps just so families had the extra money. So as Sole told MacCready they had once tried to take their own life, he found himself sitting on the edge of his seat. A gust of wind would have been able to topple the merc on the floor.

“Please don’t talk like that,” he said. MacCready’s voice cracked at the end, and he was worried if he spoke again tears would spill out. “Sole, you’re the greatest thing that’s ever happened to the Commonwealth. The greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you as a friend. I’m so sorry your spouse passed away, but you’ve showed me there’s still a life beyond all that sorrow. So if you can stay strong… I guess… so can I.” 

Preston: “Excuse me, General?” Preston had been waiting for Sole all day. His expression was tense, which let Sole know he had something weighing on his mind. “Can we talk somewhere privately? I’ve got something bothering me.” Preston led Sole to the picnic table behind Sanctuary. After stumbling around his words for a while, Preston finally looked up with worry in his eyes. “I know we talked recently about my past with the Minutemen. How I lost all hope and… tried to end my life. Lately I’ve been feeling really guilty laying all that information on you. I just want to make sure you’re okay with it and that I didn’t overstep my boundaries.”

Sole shook their head. “Preston, I know what that feels like. I’ve done the exact thing before. For different reasons. Reasons I don’t really want to get in to.” There was a pause that followed. Sole watched Preston’s eyes widen. They knew he was too polite to speak his mind. “I’ve never felt closer to you, Preston. So don’t think you made me uncomfortable. If we both take this a day at a time, maybe we can help each other get through these feelings, you know?”

“I… Sole, I had no idea.” Preston honestly didn’t know what to say. He looked up to Sole as a role model. Their past didn’t change his admiration towards them, he was just surprised. “We will get through this. I just know it. And when we finally make the Commonwealth safe, we’ll know it was worth sticking around for.”

Piper: Piper hated writing obituaries. Whenever someone in Diamond City passed away, she wrote about them in a small paragraph on the back of her latest issue. Since not many settlers died of old age anymore, the stories were about parents succumbing to radiation poisoning or little kids who got too close to feral ghouls. This particular story was about a mother who took her own life when her daughter drowned in the water filtration plant in the back of Diamond City. Piper’s newspaper was selling out, but she knew it was for a depressing reason.

Sole picked up a copy like they usually did, and thumbed through it dramatically to show Piper they really did read the whole thing. When Sole got to the obituary, they paused. “You forget how to read just now or something, Blue?” Piper asked. “I can smell the smoke from over here.”

“I’m sorry,” Sole said. “I just got to the obituary section. That’s so sad. I remember when I tried to kill myself after losing Shaun. I’d never wish that on anybody I knew.”

“Oh god,” Piper whispered. “Blue, I had no idea. I wouldn’t have given you a copy if I knew…” Sole set the paper back down, and met Piper’s hand. Piper squeezed Sole’s fingers reassuringly. “I think I’d just about lose it if I lost Nat. I couldn’t imagine what that feels like. But you’ve just gotta stick around. A lot of people depend on you. So if you get those feelings again, you talk to me, alright? I love you, woman/man out of time.”

Nick: As a detective, Nick Valentine had seen some unusual cases come through his door. Most of the ones in Diamond City involved the suspicion that someone was a synth, and watching a distraught racist try to tip-toe their way in to getting his Gen 3 self to help them was always amusing. However, he knew Sole’s case was special the moment he met them. Sole didn’t see him as a robot, they saw him as his own man. That is why Nick respected Sole so much, and why seeing the marks on their wrists hurt so badly.

“Do you mind explaining those?” Nick asked when he noticed Sole sheepishly trying to pull down their sleeves. “Unless you bought a feral cat recently, I have feeling you did that to yourself.” His expression softened. “Do you need to talk about something, kid?”

“I’m sorry that worried you, Nick,” Sole said. They were being honest. Seeing Nick’s yellow eyes widen like that… it broke Sole’s heart. “The last thing I want to do is hurt somebody, which is why I hurt myself. But that’s all in the past, I swear. These scars are old. And I have friends like you to thank for that positive change.” Nick believed Sole, but for good measure he checked up on them more than usual. They were his favorite troublemaker, after all. What kind of detective would he be if he didn’t watch out for his own partner?

Strong: Strong still didn’t understand what Sole was telling him. He understood the concept of Suiciders. They charged in to battle knowing they would die, but it was in the name of battle and bloodshed. When he learned Sole had tried to talk their own life just to die, it physically hurt his brain. “Human is good leader. Good leader want to live. Strong not understand why human do that.”

Sole took a deep breath, regretting telling Strong about their past at all. “Sometimes when humans don’t think they can do something, they don’t see a point in leading or trying anymore. It doesn’t make the human a bad person. It means they are tired and need some extra help.”

“Strong thinks he knows what human means.” Sole doubted that, but let him continue talking anyways. “Human had bad fight. Didn’t think human could fight again. Then human remembered they are leader, so they kept fighting anyways.”

“That’s…” Sole folded their arms. “That’s actually very right, Strong.”

Strong scoffed. “Of course Strong is right. Strong is smarter than human thinks Strong is.”

X6-88: Sole had a flag on their mental health evaluation? X6 thought it had to be a mistake. Father obviously wanted to make sure his mother/father had the capacity to lead the Institute, which meant doing a written report on Sole’s past. X6 overheard several scientists talking about Sole being mentally unfit in the hallway because of what came up in their papers. The first thing X6 did was defend Sole. He reminded the scientists that they were speaking about the future director, and that Sole had proven time and time again to be a worthy ally on their side. To drive home that point, he reminded them the hell Sole could raise if they were enemies.

X6 then headed straight to Sole’s private chambers to dispel the rumor. Sole was reading on their bed, which seemed like perfectly sane behavior from his obviously sane companion. “Ma’am/Sir, I regret to inform you that there is a rumor circulating the infirmary that your mental health evaluation did not come out clean. Apparently someone flagged it for review. I put those scientists in their place, and I doubt they’ll cause you any trouble if you run in to them again.”

“It isn’t a rumor,” Sole said. “Shaun asked me to be honest, so I was. I used to self-harm, X6. A lot. I didn’t want to live in this new world. But since I’ve seen the Institute and what it can do for humanity… I feel hope again. I don’t intend on having those thoughts any more. And Shaun set me up with a fantastic psychologist.”

Awkward. X6 stood in the door-frame knowing Sole wanted him to join them in the room. However, his legs felt like lead. “Well then I’m sorry I assumed. I am certain you will still make a superb director for the Institute. And I have no qualms remaining your companion out in the Commonwealth.” Three compliments in a row? That was high praise from the same courser who once threatened to bludgeon Paladin Danse to death for scuffing his shoes.

[jiemba]

Title Fight Chapter 2 - Feathered Beast (Teen Sanvers AU)

So sorry for the wait on this! Life’s been a bit rough lately but I’ll try to post more regularly. 

On AO3 here. 

In the worst dreams, she can’t remember what he sounds like. But when she wakes, the memories of him are everywhere, familiar and grating, the way she can never quite get sand out of her bed.

In the early weeks, she’d collapsed at her sister’s feet under the lightning crack of her own wail, finally asking her in hitched wet chokes if people believed in ghosts on Krypton. Kara told her no, that spirits went to live in the stars after, to be closer to Rao - and Alex was left with no explanation for why she felt him everywhere, why she could smell his coffee in the mornings when she first woke up, why she could literally hear him sometimes. No explanation except that she was losing her mind.

The idea of him being among his favourite constellations is a hollow comfort. He’s not there, but this ghost that lives in her house isn’t anything like him. It’s far too dark, brutally gutting, dulling every star in every night. It smothers her and cradles her in one embrace. It is a quiet tyrant. A feathered beast.

She throws herself into the water, the early morning cold sucking all the breath from her body. A crack of broken light spills blood between clouds and over her skin as she paddles her board faster, further, until it’s hard to breathe. She used to think he was here, in this ocean. She had researched how long it would take for a body to decompose in saltwater of this temperature. How far the smaller bones would carry with deep sea currents, how far the larger. She had approximated how much there was left to find, each day another part of him dissolving. His shoes would take the longest. She’d hated him - for tainting the one place she came to think, for staining the water with his own blood so she could never swim in it again. But quickly the morning pilgrimages became obsessive. She could hear his voice, sometimes. A “Nice one, champ” between the collapse of two waves. An “Easy, kiddo” when she lost her footing. A muscle memory fading too fast from her mind, the way a record gets scratches the more it is played. She knows better now. He’s not here. Today, the water tumbles, and the birds roll together in spirals diving for prey, and other surfers call to each other in the lulls, but beneath that, nothing. Her body folds at the waist, her face falling into her hands, a shuddering sob scraping out of her lungs as she keeps herself from crying out for him. Dad. Daddy. The ocean seems to know. It cradles her with an intimate familiarity that she’s known almost as long as she knew him, rocking her as if to soothe a child. When she was small, she would pretend to fall asleep on long car rides, just to feel her father hold her like this. He always carried her to her room, even when he knew she was faking. She doesn’t remember when she got too big for it – only the feeling of loss when he started waking her up. How she longs for that now – for him to wake her up.

She comes home just as Kara’s body slams into a wall. “Alex!” “I’m coming,” she calls, bounding up the stairs and almost slipping over. “ALEX!” “Jesus, Kara, what’s wrong?” In their room, the younger girl is reeling from being wrenched back into her body, her limbs curling inward as she visibly shakes, face red with sweat and tears. “Alex…” “Hey…” she murmurs, rushing to kneel before her little sister, checking her over. There’s a dent in the wall, a not uncommon side effect of Kara’s nightmares while sleep-floating, but she’s unmarked. Just startled. “Hey, it’s OK. You’re alright.” “You w-weren’t here.” “I’m sorry -” “I woke up and you were gone.” “Hey-” “You left me alone.” The girl looks impossibly smaller than her frame, curling tighter into a shaking ball as she hides her face from her sister. “I was just surfing. Just over there, see? You’re not alone. You’re not up in space. You’re here. You’re OK. Just keep breathing.” “A-Alex,” she sobs, over and over, breath coming out in thick chokes as Alex tries to hold her. “Kara, you need to calm down.” She can’t help the edge in her voice – the nerves and frustration. “Please. Mom’s probably sleeping. You have to be quiet, OK?” Kara immediately stiffens at the words, biting her lip to quiet herself into softer whimpers. She wipes her face with her sleeve. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to.” “I know.” “The wall… I’ll get you in trouble.” “It was an accident,” Alex seethes, forcing herself to keep her touch soft, when all she wants is to hit something. She takes a blanket, dabbing the sweat from her sister’s forehead. “Look, let’s get you cleaned up, OK? Come on. Quietly.” The younger girl nods, eyes downcast, letting Alex lead her to the bathroom. While she’s in the shower, Alex braces herself as she treads through the house, still wet herself, salt crisping in her hair, but the rage doesn’t come. The only trace of her mother is in the kitchen. An empty bottle of wine and an unfinished plate of dinner in the fridge. Fifty dollars on the table and a note. Gone to lab. Kara needs some school things. Will be back late. Alex scrunches the note tight in her fist before she can cry over it. This is the sum of their communications, now. This is the best she can hope for, now.

It’s while she’s cooking pancakes - Kara soothed and clean and cautiously petting Streaky at the kitchen table - that the doorbell rings. Alex groans. “Who the hell -” “It’s J’onn!” Kara exclaims, and in a flash she’s already opening the door, scooped up in a hug by a man twice her size, and Alex has to look away. “How are you, girls?” “OK. We’re going school shopping today.” “How about you, Alex?” he presses, a little softer. She barely looks up from the stove. “Fine. I thought we weren’t training til 4.” “I heard distress this morning. I came.” “Kara’s fine. I took care of it.” “She’s not the only one I heard, Alex.” She shoots him a quick glare. “I told you to stay out of my head.” “Sometimes it can’t be helped.” She rubs her bleary eyes with the back of her hand, swallowing a yawn. “Well sit down, since you’re here.” “I can cook, Alex,” he murmurs as he approaches her. “You haven’t slept much, you should rest.” “Yeah well, I have to buy Kara’s things and patch a hole in the wall before my mom notices, so we don’t always get what we want.” “Alex, I’m sorry -” “It’s not your fault, Kara.” J’onn nods slowly, leaving Alex to pace over to Kara, who’s still petting the cat. He reaches a hand out to the creature, smiling slightly at its texture. “Hello, friend.” “Don’t tell my mom I let him in, she’ll freak,” Alex mutters, scooping some more batter into the pan. J’onn nods. “We don’t have to train this afternoon, if you’re too tired.” “I’m fine.” “Eliza says it’s a good outlet for her anger.” “God, shut up, Kara.” “Alex, don’t talk to your sister like that.” “Don’t talk to me like you’re my dad,” she spits back, tears burning in her eyes, and for a moment it all stops. J’onn waits for the thoughts in her mind to quiet before he approaches her, sighing as he leans against the fridge. “Alex, I know I can never replace him in any way. And I don’t want to. But I made your father a promise -” “I know,” she interrupts. A tear slips down her cheek, but her hand comes to smear it with a speed that almost rivals Kara’s. “I’m still trying to find out what I can at the DEO. As soon as I know where his body lies, I will bring him home to you. I promise.” “You’ve been saying that for months. There’s nothing more to know.” Her whole body shivers. She grasps the edge of the countertop with both hands, closing her eyes. “There’s nothing.” A strong hand comes to grasp her shoulder, and she lets him pull her close, desperately pushing from her mind the memory of the last man who held her with this kind of care. “I also lost my father, at Mars’ end,” he murmurs into her hair. “I know.” She sniffles into his shirt. “Does it go away?” “It eases.”

It occurs to Alex then, that all three of them are fatherless - how grief had spared none of them, swiping at family trees and breaking branches. She uncurls herself from J’onn’s body, wiping her face as she turns to Kara. “I’ll call Mr and Mrs Li to see if you can hang out with Kenny while we’re training.” “I want J’onn to teach me to box too,” Kara grumbles in exasperation. Alex scoffs. “You’d kill someone.” J’onn shoots her a look. “I didn’t mean it like that,” she relents, swallowing guilt at the sight of her sister timidly withdrawing her hands from the cat. “Just…you know what Dad said. Showing yourself just puts you at risk. Us too.” And you already lost me my Dad. “Alex,” J’onn warns her, clearly having heard. “Go lie down for a moment. I’ll finish breakfast and drive you both to get what you need before training.” She doesn’t bother replying – just pushes past him to curl into a ball on the couch, digging into her pocket for her mp3 player and blasting Offspring’s ‘Gone Away’ as loud as she can bear it. Loud enough for J’onn to hear it in his own mind, to sense how he makes her feel pain and need all at once.

Of all the things on Maggie’s to-do list before school starts, finding a job ranks towards the top. It’s crucial that she makes as little a dent in her Tia’s life as possible – that she shrinks herself to the point of being barely there, lest she be too outspoken, too daring, too young ever again. Back home, she’d babysit for the neighbours’ kids and feed their chickens before school - until it happened. Later, the best she could do was stack boxes on weekends at her Tia’s work, just cash in hand - until the other thing happened. At least here, no one knows. There are more than a handful of stores. And a lot of people look like her, more than she’s ever seen. The mall near the apartment has a movie theatre, and a food court, and two whole floors of stores, and it takes hours to go door to door. She tells the bookstore about how she helped at her Aunt’s job. Tells the pet store about Hugo and Dante. Tells the taqueria that her Abuelitas had her helping in the family Cinco de Mayo feasts since she was five. She tells them all she’ll do any job. That she’s a good girl, who speaks good Spanish (not the best Spanish), and doesn’t mind how early she has to wake up or how dirty her hands get, and just wants the chance to make a few dollars to help her family. She tells none of them about her injury. By mid-afternoon, the new phone number scrawled on the inside of her arm has blurred into a vague smudge, but her hand remembers how to write it on forms without thinking. There’s only one place to go after that, a note from her Tia guiding her down a track of back alleys and over a bridge to a warehouse devoid of any colour, save for a weather-worn sign across the front wall declaring it a fighters’ gym, sun flaring on the road under her feet. It’s ten degrees hotter inside – so many men swinging and jumping rope and grunting that the gym itself feels like a breathing thing, a Public Enemy soundtrack seated under a constant pattering of thuds and clangs and sounds that would be groans of pain if they weren’t quite so breathless. It’s a dodge between bodies to get to the back office, but she immediately understands why he’s tucked away in there, cocooned from the disciplined chaos outside. “Can I help you?” he asks her as he picks videos from a bookcase, voice raspy like it’s spent years shouting over noise like this. “I…” she starts, before she knows what to say. “My aunt called, she said you had a youth program? She told me to stop by.” He peers at her over his glasses. “Margarita, right?” It’s the first time a stranger’s ever pronounced her name correctly, but she still shakes her head. “Just Maggie.” “Hector. Would’ve noticed you in here before. We don’t get a lot of girls.” He squints at a tape, rubbing his eyes before he hands it to her. “What year does that say?” “1985.” “Damn it,” he grumbles, setting it aside. “You box, Maggie?” “I can fight.” “Not what I asked.” Maggie digs her hands into the pockets of her shorts, eyes finding the floor. “We have strict rules here,” Hector tells her. “Fighting stays in the gym. I don’t want to hear about you smacking some poor kid in math class.” “It’s not like that,” Maggie insists. “I don’t do that stuff, it’s just…” “Just what?” he mutters, voice clipped. She tries to steady herself as she looks him over, something about the shape of his eyes reminding him of a Tio back home. “I just moved here from Nebraska,” she admits. “The kids there…they didn’t like me. And… I dunno, Tia thinks this’ll be good for me, I guess. ” The unsaid things hang suspended, but he nods like he doesn’t need to hear them. “We have classes through the week, and youth-only open training is on Tuesdays and Thursdays 4-7. Any other time you need to drop in to lose your cool, do your homework, whatever, you just drop in. Nobody’ll bother you.” “I…” she starts, trying to let the too warm air settle in her chest, the heat filtering into her cheeks anyway. “Lo siento, no tengo mucho dinero.” “That’s fine, mija.” “I can work for you if you need. I can clean the gym for you, or help you sort through your office, or -” “No hay necesidad. You just focus on school. And our youth classes are sliding scale.” “What’s that mean?” “Just pay what you can. If it’s a dollar, it’s a dollar. Just show up. I’d rather you kids be here than off doing drugs someplace. I just need your parents to sign these before you start,” he explains, handing her a waiver. She baulks a little. “Vivo con mi Tia. Eso esta bien?” He gives her a sad smile, his eyes wrinkling around the edges. “No problem.” Maggie exhales slowly, unable to lift her eyes to his as she accepts the paper, her father’s pride still etched in her bones. He takes off his glasses, looks her over. “How old are you?” “Fifteen.” “You look younger.” She squirms a little. “Just small, I guess.” He looks past her shoulder, letting out a whistle too loud for the room. “Hey, Hank!” Behind her, Maggie sees a man tilt his head but not his body, eyes fixed on a fight between two boys  of about 17. She’s never seen someone command so much space by doing nothing at all, arms crossed tight over his chest, standing tall like a tree that doesn’t bend. “Yeah?” “Your girl’s 15, right?” That has his attention, and as soon as his eyes find Maggie, he’s coming her way. “You here to train?” “Yeah,” she replies. “You have other girls here?” “Your age? Just the one.” He extends a hand, and it engulfs hers. “Hank Henshaw.” “Maggie Rodas.” It’s hard to tell what to make of his smile – tight, but warm, strictly polite but reserved like he’s trying to figure her out. “I’ve been training Alex for a couple months, but all the boys here are too big or young for her to spar with. She could use a partner, if you’re up for it.” “Yeah, sure,” Maggie lets out, and it’s all moving faster than she expected, but in the corner of her eye, there’s a flash of reddish-brown hair coming from the water station. A girl in running shorts and a tank top, a little tall for her age, is setting her bottle on a windowsill, shaking herself out in front of a mirror before lifting her fists to fight herself, shadowboxing with the flow of someone who breathes like water, and instantly, Maggie knows she’s seen her before. She looks different on land. Harder. Tired, but pushing, like she’s running from her own shadow, scrambling to exorcise something from under her own skin, and again Maggie feels the sensation that she’s not supposed to be watching her,  yet the grace of her movement is hard to pull away from. “Danvers,” Hank calls out, and the girl’s tugged from her battle, her pale skin gently flushed as she jogs over. “This is Maggie Rodas. She’s joining the gym.” “I’m down to train with you, if you want,” Maggie tells her. “Hank said you need a partner.” The girl nods, wiping her forehead with the back of her hand. “Yeah. I’m hoping to start sparring in local club comps by in the next couple months. How long have you been boxing?” “Well, technically I’ve never boxed…” “Great,” the girl mutters, not trying to hide that she’s unimpressed, and Maggie feels a competitive edge twist in her gut. “But I can fight.” “Oh can you?” she scoffs, raising her eyebrows. Maggie tilts her head, smirking a little. “Life experience.” It seems like Alex doesn’t know how to take that. Maggie watches her glance at Hank, who nods almost imperceptibly. The girl’s shoulders lose some of their tension. “Look, I grew up watching matches on TV with my dad,” Maggie continues. “I know what makes a good fighter. It’s just that my parents wouldn’t let me learn, so I never got taught.” “What, and they just changed their minds?” They changed their minds about a lot of things, she thinks to herself, swallowing hard, and beside her Hank shifts slightly on his feet. “Something like that,” she says. Hank tilts his head to face Alex. “I know she’s a little small for you -” “A little,” the girl teases lightly, making Maggie scoff and shake her head. “But if you plan to keep up your training diet it may not matter so much.” “Hey, I don’t mind putting on a little weight,” Maggie teases back, a smirk tugging at her lips. “I’m new in town, Danvers – know any good burger places?” The glare the girl shoots her is hard as a punch, and Maggie almost laughs out loud. “The point is,” Hank interrupts, “Alex, this would be good for your training. It’s about time you fought someone closer to who you’ll be up against.” Almost mirroring Hank’s posture, the girl stands and breathes for a moment before lifting her eyes to Maggie’s. “I prefer to train alone. And hard. Think you can keep up?” “Played soccer for six years. Bet I could beat you in shuttle runs.” The corner of Alex’s mouth cocks up a little. “That a challenge?” “Scared you’ll lose, Danvers?” Maggie quips, already walking past her to the doors.

They pound the alley pavement like they want to see it bleed. Alex’s legs are longer, but she’s pushing harder than she’s had to in a while, running back and forth between dumpsters until her heart pumps acid, stomach clenched tight as a fist. She’ll give it to her – this girl is fast – and when Alex sees her flick her head back, dimples flashing as she smiles, she knows the game is up. “Fine,” she pants, slowing to a jog. “What was that?” the girl coaxes, a breathless laugh escaping her as she steadies. “We can train together.” “Knew you’d come around, Danvers.” Alex watches her tie up her hair in one swift movement, wiping the light sheen of sweat shining over her throat. The sun suddenly seems excessively hot. The girl seems to notice the gaze, her flick of a glance sending a gentle flush over Alex’s skin with an expression that is half question, half answer. “Thursday?” Alex swallows, nods. “Thursday.” The girl smiles at the ground and shakes her head a little, and Alex instantly gets the sense that she never had a chance. “I should get back to Hank.” “Sure.” “I’ll see you,” she mutters, lifting a hand to shield her face from the sun as she heads back in. “Oh Danvers?” “Yeah?” “That running got me all sweaty. Think I might go get some ice cream.” “Yeah you do that, Rodas.” “Or maybe a milkshake…” “Asshole.” The girl lets out a full laugh, still watching Alex as she begins to walk backwards down the alley before she turns away. “See you round, Danvers.” Alex watches her jog all the way to the corner and disappear, but she doesn’t know why.

Thanks for reading! Let me know what you think so far : )

Spanish translations (apologies for any mistakes):

Lo siento, no tengo mucho dinero - I'm sorry, I don't have much money No hay necesidad - There's no need Vivo con mi Tia. Eso esta bien? - I live with my aunt. Is that OK?

[wowzersmydude]

Might actually use this blog again as a vent/diary thing? So to begin that; Here’s a bunch of fucking disgusting gross me being depressed and horrifically dysfunctional fuck;

I texted mom at like 8 last night asking if I could stay the night. I missed work with Sarah that day. I got up on time initially but I had only slept for 3 hours and I was really nauseous so I said hey let me sleep a little more and I’ll have mom pick me up and drop me off when she gets off work at like 11 (in like 2 hours). I woke up later (not on time for mom to pick me up. I had like 4 missed calls from her.) and realized I’d slept too late. Didn’t really care, sent a couple text messages and went back to sleep til like 4 or 5. The night before this, Sarah said she could get Vyvs. I gave her money for 3. Then she said, literally I quote, “if there’s a chance you could buy me one that’d be great” and I was like as long as you pay me back that’s totally cool, sorry I’m not trying to be a dick I just haven’t had money in so long and Im really hesitant to let go of any of it haha and she was like “I was just trying to get back the ones I’ve given you but ((ITS WHATEVER ILL JUST BORROW TWELVE DOLLARS FROM MY SISTER FUCK ME)) “ and I was like fucking Christ fine fucking shit dude fuck. Fuck.

ANYWAY. Also that day I couldn’t drink anything cold without it really really hurting my teeth. My teeth still really hurt with anything cold all day today too. the night I texted mom, Adrian came and picked me and Chevy up. I dropped off rags to Sarah and grabbed vyvs. Got to moms, tried to take Chevy inside, she tried to piddle on the floor so I took her back outside and ate my chips by the fire that was going. Mom was outside with me a bit and only gave me a small talk about “why did you need to come over? If you’re having such problems with anxiety then why aren’t you doing something about that. You need to blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah amd get your shit together for fucks sake. You gonna actually go to bed soon?” I went to bed like 30min after going inside, slept until 6:30, took Chevy outside, saw the mama raccoon in the tree behind the house, came back inside and went back to sleep until mom woke me up at 10, and then 10:15, and then 10:30 and I got up a little after 10:30ish. Took Chevy out and we walked around the yard a lot? It was super sunny and hot, we stayed out for a few hours then I took Chevy in and I came out and pulled weeds with mom and then just wamdered around for a bit. I told Maleah to come be social downstairs, went back outside a little bit, then went inside and asked Maleah if she was hungry. She said she wanted a baked potato and an egg and a piece of bread. So I made that for her. I asked Tom specifically if it was okay to use the smiley face plate, he said that’s fine. By the time it was done in the microwave, the plate was really cracked 😅 I asked mom if she wanted a couple eggs she was like yeah. I looked in the fridge and I saw mushrooms and I was like do you want some sautéed mushrooms with it and she said yeah totally and then I saw the spinach and cheese and I was like mom...U want an omelette? And she was like heck yeah so I whisked 2 eggs and went to make hers and I put too much stuff in it and it ended up really ugly so I was like uh, I’ll eat this one lol. So I tried harder to put a little less stuff in and make it neater and whisked 2 more eggs and made another one and it came out super neat and pretty so I gave that one to mom and wow I am very suddenly just now very spinny fuck me I just want to die fucking fuck fuck fucking just kill me please. Fuck. I made mom mae and me brunch. It was nice. I was hot outside and wanted to get a little more skin in the sun so I asked Adrian for some shorts and he gave me a pair. Bethany and Tara were there too. I put on some sunscreen and it smelled really good and I feel like I haven’t smelled sunscreen in like 3 years. I wandered around outside for another hour or two and then Sarah and dickfuck dropped off Wyatt. I texted Keith a little before and I said we should get boba and go to the beeeeaach and he said yeah so I talked to Adrian and Tom about takin me home. Artisan said he’d take me cause I thought Tom wouldn’t be leaving until later, but Tom ended up leaving a lot sooner than he thought so he said he could take me. Him, Conner, Maleah, Chevy and I left. I got home, and was gonna hurry up and get ready to go with Keith but the cats are horrible and the house felt fucking horrible as fuck so I cleaned the kitchen and the litter and the living room floor, and Keith showed up just after I was trying to get dressed after I took a rinse shower. He was like yeah of course you’re not ready. I even gave you a bunch of extra time. I was like yeah the kitchen in particular was just awful I couldn’t take it anymore. He asked if mom came in and bullied me about it I said no mom wasn’t even in here. He was surprised. I changed clothes a couple times, put some makeup on, and we got going. I wore the gray strappy tank top, the black shorts that I chopped myself that are super short, and dark gray thigh highs and gray n black nikes. And the light pink jacket. I took too long so we could too long so we couldn’t go to Andoras. As soon as we hit peach st. I googled where I could get some boba and called Thai eatery and they were lk

Tumblr is being fucking dumb just let me type out my shit okay??? Okay!!! Like hell yeah I got a Thai tea w boba it was really really good!! We went to wegmans. Had a good lighthearted time in the car on the way there. Got groceries and wine. I had suggested we stop at the adult store for fun and to get lube. Keith said “I’m tired let’s just go home.” I got really disappointed and sad on the way home. He was like “I’m sorry babe I’m just tired. What did you want to get?” Just lube. “You could try ordering it online? I’m sorry babe yknow we already know what they have there” and I got really fucking sad and just was neutral on the way home and after he got home I texted him a bunch of suicidal shit that I should have just fucking kept to myself but I couldn’t keep “would you be sad if I died” out of my head I just really wanted to ask him, I honestly wasn’t sure what he’d say. I guess he actually cares a little bit about me now cause he was all like offended when I assumed he wouldn’t rly care.

(By the way I’m drinking wine + sake rn I feel like I’m gonna throw up probably. I don’t even care. I’ll fall asleep on the bathroom floor.) (I’m also intermiddently beating my knees with an empty glass bottle and it feels fucking satisfying. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to cut myself any more, my last cuts are just healing. If it were up to me I would die as soon as fucking possible, not just drink and cut myself, but, fuck me, right? Atm I Just want to start walking and not stop. I want to drive more than anything. I just want to drive. I just want to go for a drive. Fuck I didn’t cry while typing any of this until now. I just: want. To fucking drive. I want my car. Fuck everything. I want to die. I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die I wanna die.

I’ve been typing for like over 2hrs on and off I’m done I can’t keep this train of though anymore bye wish me luck killing myself bye

[mirandalhydra]

26 Letters for Voltai

Couple : Voldai/Voldaimort, Lord Voldemort/Lin Daiyu, PG. Words before: The couple in this work are Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter and Lin Daiyu from the Chinese classic "The Dream in Red Mansions/Stone story". (They are really popular in China recently, by the way.) This work belongs to@feaseason on Lofter, also as@爬墙的拉郎羽 on Weibo. Authorized translation by@汤姆希德勒斯顿足捶胸 on Weibo, also as@mirandalhydra on Instagram. Special thanks to@德拉克夫人_可可茶 on Weibo. Warnings: OOC No consistent plots, no consistent background Voldai only All right, Bon appetite! A-aberrant Tom desired difference, which was also his pride. But a slight disgust roused inside. Not only for the distinctive eastern face with jasper hair, but also, the aberrance shown from her innermost inside. There used to be only one of them. B-beast Daiyu fears the dark haired boy, who was tall and pale, and talked so gently while tearing into her life like a ghoul. She scented the bloodthirsty beast behind his smile. And something wicked this way comes. C-cage So locked up the bird was, finally. Voldemort was perfectly satisfied when he tied the silver chain around her gracile waist. She tried to stay asleep, but the brine gave her away. She was desperate, for freedom, even at the cost of life. The young man sneered. No matter she woke or not, he wouldn't leave anyway. The game has just begun. D-death "Why're you so afraid of death?" Asked the girl with her hair wore up in a bun, head tilting to one side. The serpent grinned wierdly, and shook his head silently. Because he had seen how the death hollowed her soul. Nothing is permanent，not even death. E-echo The only eastern tune he knew was an ancient Chinese melody, which had been played by an eastern girl thousands of time. He found it dull and was so disgusted for a time that he cheered in bars after the girl left. With wine glass scattered to a mess and the crowed went wild, he raised the glass one more time. But the tune came to his humming. Lingering, haunting, like a late call echoing through centuries. F-fake Voldemort bought a jade from a Chinese market, he had never bought anything from a Chinese market before. The easterner boasted about his goods, while nothing but the word 'jade' came into his ears. Buy it, then. It's never too much for her anyway. The only problem was that before he could decide how to explain for this hotheaded purchase, his eastern wife's already got a glimpse of it. "You bought something from the street again?" She raised her brow and asked, "how much is it?" He thought for a moment, then gave a smaller number. The light changed in her eyes. "You serious?" Was it too cheap? The Voldemort, became restless. But she added unexpectedly,"It is only you that would be duped." G-gambling "Thirty days." The dark haired boy run his slender fingers on the black pine desktop, leaving a smug borderline. "If I do learn to love, then I'll let you go. But if you lose... You'd have to be my possession." "Are you in?" H-hair Voldemort made himself his last wand, the core was a single string of black hair. From the eastern girl. I-imitation Children always imitate the adults, but after Tom kissed his little crush, the girl burst into tears. "What for? I will marry you anyway." Vowed the boy solemnly. "Where'd you come with so many prattles?!!" She got peeved, pretending to hit him. Tom stood straight. "To believe or not, I'm not imitating others." J-jealousy "I said we're only cousins, why wouldn't you let go?!!" She frowns. "Because I am your husband!" Says the depressed Voldemort. K-kiss The lips of her tastes sweet and soft, reminds Tom of the honey cupcakes he stole. So is the growl coming after shock and the pain of a hard slap remind him of the unpleasant past. Tom isn't paying notice, it's a lot lighter than the nurses' in the orphanage. L-lie "I said that I hate you lie to me." Daiyu's eyes was watering again. "But I never lied." the dark haired boy shook his head gently. There were only concealing. M-marriage When the dark haired man took out the ring, his hands were so shaking that he struggled a while before finally put the ring on the girl's slender finger. He took a deep breath, like a happy ending after so many stories. "Dai" "Yes?" "My wife." "... Ehh" "My life." His wife nodded a little.* * From the movie N-name "I swear if I listen to one more sentence you say I'd change my name!"* The eastern girl raised her handkerchief. "All right, I would be a Lin then." The boy shrugged, that's not a big deal. * A common saying in China to imply strong disagreement to someone. O-omen "Listen," the boy pushed a cup worriedly to the girl,"it says that if I can't marry the girl called Lin Daiyu from the east, we would both die!" The girl took a glimpse of the tea residues in the bottom then scorned:"You sound like marriage would make you immortal." P-pearl Among all of her accessories, Daiyu loved a plain pearl hairpin. She was unaware until the maid reminded her that her jewelry box was overflowed by pearls. Pearl headdress, pearl bracelets, pearl earrings. "Where did you get so many pearls?" After long reflection, she asked Voldemort. The man raised his eyelashes from a tableful of jars and bottles. "You don't like it?" "Well, I do..." "That's great." Voldemort relieved and buried himself in the potions again,"I've got another several boxes for bride price." Daiyu: ????! Q-quiet Though both liked peace and quiet, Voldemort suffered from her sentimentalism, Daiyu disliked his talkativeness. R-reality Two books, two dimensions, two ages, two persons, but there is never a place for a story with no beginning nor end. S-sea The girl raised up in purdah had never seen the sea. Daiyu clutched Voldemort's clothes when his brought her to the sea for the first time. He tilted his head, with flowing smile in the eyes. "You are not coming here to kill yourself, are you?" The girl's voice was trembling, "Why is this place so spooky?" Voldemort:"Of course not..." T-tacit Daiyu kept silent about Voldemort's past, neither did he ever talk about it. The only thing she did was burning the paper money in various special days, silently, like one desperate for his atonement. U-ultimate Daiyu saw the man again, standing beside her bed completely. "Why're you here after all this?" Tears went down her cheeks. But he kneeled and hold her hand:"I'll be with you, live or die." V-valentine Roses and ring. She saw them in Voldemort's arms, couldn't help but sighed:"Every year, I don't have that much fingers for them. How can you afford this with your salary?" "But this year's different." The man said seriously. "How?" Voldemort showed an earnest face. "Those were for valentine. But this year's, if you accept, would be an engage ring." W-wine Voldemort is not that kind of man who can't hold much liquor, actually, there are few like him, that can stay conscious till finally fall asleep. He just loves pretending to be drunk to flirt with his eastern girl. Seriously, that's all. X-the unknown number Voldemort hated uncertainty, especially those that upset his plan. That's why he disliked that eastern girl. For the difficulty to save her while it seemed all so easy. Y-yearn Her eyes, lips, lustrous hair and fingertips running, like her breath veiling all around... Voldemort felt he's losing his mind, he must propose to her in the morning. Another long night without her. Z-zombie The daughter remembered everything was covered with white that day. And father lost his smile, became so pale and seemed pining away. He smashed every bottle of poison he made for mother, kept the lamp in the study on night over night, sitting in the shadow seems no light could reach. There were nothing more than life and death that could turn a man to a walking dead. -End- * * * Words by translator: It's my first time to try to translate something into English, so there maybe silly mistakes and I beg your pardon. Please tell me as soon as you find any mistakes. If you are interested in Voldai/Voldaimort, please leave us a thumb! Wish you a good day!