#she was really just never nice. to me. only to me. I don't know what I did to deserve it but she's always hated me

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

I really want to know why Idia doesn’t think he looks good. I understand thinking you’re not exactly a model, but he’s at least cool looking. He’s mostly grown up with other scientists(they so far haven’t shown other kids in the isles of woe) so I don’t think the adults in his life would say something. The only thing I can think of is when his family would have to go to family gatherings with his extended family in the Olympus Corp and he was picked on by his cousins. Would love more backstories on that!

[Referencing this post!]

I think "cool looking" might be an opinion we have as onlookers completely removed from Twisted Wonderland. What looks like a nice design to the players is different than what looks nice to someone existing in the same world as that character. In-universe, Idia's particular set of physical traits don't seem to be perceived as "cool" at all. Several of his classmates are baffled that the Ghost Bride sees Idia as the perfect prince", and although some of this shock is definitely based on his character ("... [he] never leaves his room [...]"), it's also in part based on his looks. For example, Grim says, "He's all slouchy [...] he's got that apathetic look goin' on, not to mention his creepy smile..." Riddle also accuses Ace of giving "back-handed compliments" when Ace says Idia looks cool, which implies that Riddle and Ace's usual opinion of Idia's looks is that he looks... uncool. Eliza's retainers confess that they were "skeptical" when she brought Idia in and claimed he was her perfect partner; they didn't see his true handsomeness until after they dressed him up in a suit. Our own NRC boys don't even realize Idia's true beauty until the very end of Idia's Suitor Suit vignettes, praising him for how he wears his suit, his height, "bewitching" eyes, his mature and aloof vibe, and his "surprisingly decent" features. Just looking cool overall! "I was shocked when I say you," Riddle confesses. "It's so radically different from your usual look."

There's also the matter of framing to consider. The same stimuli can be perceived wildly differently by different individuals. What Eliza sees as "nonchalant" is Idia being apathetic. What Eliza sees as "healthy, lustrous skin" is the result of Idia's pale skin on account of never seeing the sun. What Eliza sees as "a charming smile" can also be perceived as "creepy" by others. What Eliza sees as "bright, shimmering hair" is true on a technicality, seeing as Idia's hair is literally aflame. What Eliza sees as "arresting lips" is Idia's natural but admittedly very odd lip color. Crowley describes this discrepancy as "an admittedly liberal interpretation". Our local weirdo Rook also reframes Idia's gloomy demeanor as "a certain lonesome beauty", which is "lovely in its own right".

I believe that a lot of Idia's lack of confidence in his appearance stems from the curse his family is burdened with. It's implied that many of Idia's physical traits (the flames for hair, the blue lips, the sharp teeth, etc.) are the result of said curse. These are all visual indicators branding the Shroud bloodline as traitors, even if the current Shrouds have nothing to do with the rebellion their ancestors incited. Thus, those physical traits are associated with shame, humiliation, and failure. Knowing his family's history and how that ties him to the Underworld and S.T.Y.X. forever, surely Idia must have felt self-conscious about it. He wouldn't want attention drawn to himself if he was ashamed of his looks--looks which are closely associated with the Shrouds' fall from grace. Indeed, there are several lines of dialogue in which Idia connects being anxious about how he physically presents himself with pessimism about his future or with relevant imaginary verbal jabs by his peers:

"Everyone's gonna auto-lock on me as soon as I go in! And then they'll switch to private whisper chat! They'll be all like: 'Who's that?' 'Is his hair on fire?' 'That's that cursed Shroud guy.' 'He's gonna pass on all his bad luck' Or maybe they'll say, 'Ewww! He's blue all over! Gross!' and start poking me with a stick! Nooo! Help meee!" (Idia's Ceremonial Robes vignettes)

"I know I'm not fit to stand in front of people in fancy places wearing fancy clothes! Never was! [...] No matter how hard I grind, I'm locked into the evil route with every bad ending ever and there's nothing I can do about it!" (Idia's Suitor Suit vignettes)

"If people see me in a tux like this... They'll have a field day! 'A wedding tux? More like a tokusatsu villain, ROFL.' 'What is this, a cosplay convention?' Only cool guys can pull off flashy vintage getups. Otherwise it's a fashion disaster waiting to happen. You know, like when you see a cool outfit online and buy it, only to realize it was just the model who looked swank." (Idia's Suitor Suit vignettes)

"Yeah, right. You're just saying that to be polite. Let's be real here. You're laughing at me on the inside. You're going, 'Who does this slouching, baggy-eyed loser think he is, dressing like royalty?' (Idia's Suitor Suit vignettes)

"AUGH, I'm like the monster in some tragic tale! A hidden boss just minding my own business, chilling in my cave, until I get driven out and flee into town, where all the people fear me... I'm just not cut out to be the center of attention. *sigh*" {Idia's Suitor Suit vignettes)

Notably, Idia remarks that he doesn't want to be compared to a "cool, sleek, sparkly" crew. He is constantly comparing himself to others, and especially in his Suitor Suit card. Idia laments that he's not gallant and heroic like his rescue squad (Ace, Riddle, Epel, and Rook), and he's not handsome like Vil, Leona, and Malleus. It seems that his idea of what is "cool" is defined by a combination of action and aura/presence, of which he believes he has neither. He prefers to stay cooped up in his room and is too meek to speak to people face-to-face; in his eyes, he's kind of pathetic and he's content with that. He's not willing to see himself as anything more due to his own underlying insecurities.

It's implied that Idia was primarily raised within S.T.Y.X. HQ or the Isle of Woe and rarely left (as he had to hack their security system to sneak out). It seems like they have their own community or city there, so it's possible that there are other children but we just don't see them due to lack of relevance. There's nothing to suggest there wouldn't be kids there. However, I doubt Idia really interacted with them if there were any kids his age; he'd be too busy being groomed to take over as the next director. Idia also harbors hopeless views on forming friendships, so I don't think he'd be reaching out to others to play. And when he's spending so much of his time studying and working with scientists primarily focused on their work, I doubt any of those adults care to comment on his looks. It's just not a thing that comes up in discussion. Alternatively, maybe the adults are used to it because they're all aware of the Shroud curse and they just dance around the topic so as to not make Idia feel uncomfortable.

Side note: I wonder if any shame Idia feels about his appearance is learned from his dad (and mom)??? Mr. Shroud is also super negative and literally wears a helmet to conceal his face (although we do not know the reason as to why he wears it). Mrs. Shroud also wears a helmet, even though she married into the Shroud family and technically lacks their cursed blood. Maybe young Idia saw his parents in those helmets and internalized it? Members of the Shroud family are cursed; you shouldn't look at them. That kind of thinking, perhaps.

I do think it’s possible that those in Idia’s extended family aren’t as kind about the Shrouds, be it for their looks or for their legacy. (They don’t exactly do glamorous work 💦) Unfortunately, we don’t know a lot about the Jupiters other than I guess they must still find the Shrouds’ abilities useful since they still extended an internship offer to him? I’d love to know more about the rest of Idia’s family though. Been really curious about how they’d feel about Idia literally playing God and reviving his dead brother too!

[zillychu]

On their way to Bambouche, the party stops by a restaurant. A nice meal is had, the sun is setting, the day is winding down.

Until Siffrin sees the couples' deluxe dessert special on the menu.

"Quick, someone pretend to be bonded with me!" Siffrin slaps the menu down with a sweaty palm, fire in his eye and maybe a little drool on his chin.

Odile's hand is on Isabeau's shoulder with the speed and expertise of a handler whose dog was just offered bacon.

"Isabeau," She speaks calm and quiet, as Mirabelle and Bonnie scoot in close to Siffrin, oo-ing and aa-ing at the lavishly illustrated confectionary. "Wait just a moment."

"Madame..." Isa whines with such a shake to both voice and legs (had he really already been on his feet?), that Odile returns to the dog metaphor. She nods her head towards the three at the other end of the table.

They all look as desperate as Isa does right now, starry-eyed and giddy as they point out the obscene number of strawberries, the generous portion of vanilla-bean ice cream, and ooh is that lava cake? It's huge, but they can afford it at 50% off!

"I know you need this like a drowning man needs air," Odile doesn't even keep her tone down this time, she's hardly the only one with at least one eye. "but consider:"

Siffrin, Mirabelle, and Bonnie look up at them, curious.

"It would be hilarious to see Siffrin and Mirabelle fail at this spectacularly."

Silence falls across the table. Hands shake. A dry throat tries to swallow.

Isa quietly sits back down in his chair.

"S-sorry, Sif..." Isa scratches the back of his neck sheepishly.

"HAH!!!"

"Madame you traitor!!"

"Wait wait wait Isa hold on, we could still--"

"Ah-ah, Isabeau made his decision. Don't be a sore loser now."

"Oh Change--okay, okay I can do this. We can do this, Siffrin!"

"Belle, Belle! Give Frin one of your earrings!"

"... Oh no my ears aren't pierced, why did I never pierce my ears??"

"Just, uh... stick it on your cloak? That might be obvious enough! I think!"

"Okay, yeah--w-wait, what's our story?"

"Story? We need a--oh Change of course we need a backstory! What if they ask us how long we've been bonded?"

"We'll just, we can, um--"

"The waiter's coming back, quick hurry up!!"

-----

A waitress stands next to a portly man in a fine dress shirt, the two of them watching the commotion as the new guy (oh, poor Oliver) tries his best to handle delivering a final dessert order to Vaugarde's Saviors--and finding out Housemaiden Mirabelle is, apparently, betrothed.

He's handling it about as well as his previous interactions, having been ordered not to call attention to the heroes' identity or fame, give them some space to breathe. Things certainly would go a lot smoother if he had any semblance of a poker face, but at least three of them seem to trust his feigned ignorance.

The Housemaiden and her companion with the cloak look like they're about to melt off the table by the time Oliver starts walking off with an empty tray. The kid with them is already digging in, picking off strawberries and laughing uproariously while the tall gentleman across from them vibrates in fits of giggles.

"... Do they know... we would have given them the cake for free...?"

[toiletclown]

reciprocation.

spencer agnew x f!reader, enemies to lovers for anon.

mostly fluff, but there is angst (in my opinion)

summary: it started innocuous. a well-meaning question from your best friend. it all spiraled from there.

there are some things in life that are universally true and agreed upon. the sky is blue. the grass is green. and you and spencer agnew hate each other. when your closest friends grow tired of this nonsense, they hatch a plan. it's unlikely, silly, even. but it works.

word count: 13.6k (yes i'm posting this as a one-shot, not multi-chaptered, sorry lol)

────୨ৎ────

"does the whole 'hating spencer' schtick ever get tired to you?" angela asked one day, while the two of you were out to lunch.

it was a sunny day, as usual, and you started sweating through your tank top just a little harder. perhaps the sun came out from behind a stray cloud.

"i'm sorry?" was your response, followed by a forkful of pasta.

"y'know, this weird bit you guys have going on." ang stared at you, analyzing your face, looking for a reaction.

all she saw was confusion. "i'm not... sure what you mean? we don't have 'a bit'. we aren't friends. kind of hard to have an inside joke when you only spend time together on camera. and half the time i drown him out anyway," you shrugged. neither of you liked each other, and that was fine. you were used to it, and the familiarity was nice. smosh was a very busy and ever-changing job. being able to rely on that was kind of nice. you were never a fan of change, anyway.

"wait, so you and spencer actually dislike each other? like, for real?" your best friend looked genuinely taken aback. you weren't sure why, you had thought it was fairly obvious that the two of you didn't get along.

"yes, we actually dislike each other 'like, for real', angela. i thought that was clear, you've seen the way we interact." you were gathering up another forkful of pasta, and angela started laughing. "why the fuck are you laughing?"

"because it's comical? i thought it was a bit! i thought you two were friends and it was just, like, a long, drawn-out joke, honestly."

"why on earth would you think that it was a bit, ang? i'm a good comedian but i'm not that great of a liar. i wouldn't be able to keep up a conspiracy like that. i fear that’s too much work for me." you ate your forkful finally. angela was still looking at you in disbelief, a few small cackles escaping her now and then.

"yeah, that's fair. crazy bit to commit so hard to, i guess. wait, so why don't you like him?" the brunette had abandoned her pasta at this point, bowl pushed slightly out of the way so she can gesticulate with freedom. "and why doesn't he like you? are you secretly middle school rivals? rivals in some niche video game scene? did he outbid you on a guitar on ebay and now you've vowed to ruin his life?"

you rolled your eyes, lovingly. your favorite thing about angela was how far she could take a joke. picked it up and ran with it. you leaned in, your voice barely audible. "you want to know a secret?"

her eyes widened, leaning in and matching your whisper, "yes, please spill!"

you shifted your eyes from left to right, as though looking for someone who could overhear and ruin your life. you took a deep breath in, preparing to spill… the truth.

"i don't actually know why we hate each other," you whispered, shrugging before sitting back in your chair with an air of finality.

"what?!"

"shh, oh my god, shut the fuck up--"

"what do you mean you don't know?" angela was moving her arms wildly at this point, "why do you still hate him then? does he know? what the fuck?"

"babe, i need you to calm down, we are still very much in a public restaurant--"

"and? spill, bitch, or you're paying the full bill."

"fine! god. i genuinely cannot tell you why we hate each other. yes, we do really hate each other. yes, he knows i hate him, and yes, i know he hates me. that has been the only thing we have ever agreed upon in our entire time at smosh. no, we aren't secretly hate fucking. no, i don't have his number, we only talk at and about work so we use slack. no, i don't know why the hate is mutual, i just know that it is. no, i don't plan on trying to change that any time soon. happy?"

before she could respond with what was likely another barrage of questions, your server came to the table and sat the bill down in front of angela.

"they always assume that i'm paying, what the hell?"

you were glad for the distraction.

✰ .ᐟ

"hello and welcome to you posted that? you posted that is a show where we embarrass our guests with their old, cringy, insane social media posts!" the room filled with cheers as ian intro'd the show, and you were so excited to finally be on it. but you also were nervous to see what they dug from the depths of your twitter.

"joining us today..." ian faked a drumroll on the podium, "our first guest is trevor evarts!"

"please don't bring up any of my rhett and link tweets," he said with a wave.

ian drumrolled again, "second up, we have shayne topp!"

"glad to be here, steve."

"and last but not least, y/n!"

"i am terrified." you said, being sure to stare down the camera, a look of anxiety on your face. you were playing it up, but it was definitely real to a degree. you had said a lot of cringy shit in your younger years. not to mention the not-so-uncommon complaints about a certain coworker. ian wouldn’t do that to you, though. right?

"terrified?” ian scanned the contestant's faces. “is anyone else feeling terrified?"

"not really, steve. i'm proud of what i've done and said and i'll stand by it no matter what. if i don't stand up for myself, who will, you know?" shayne said, clearly doing a character. a slightly intoxicated, far too excited game show contestant. you kind of loved it.

"my name is ian, and i think you know that, shayne. why are you terrified, y/n?" ian turned to you, egging you on.

"i was a shit head as a kid, i don't know how far back you dug!"

"alright then, let's get into the first round." ian explained the rules of the round, and each of you listened intently despite knowing them well.

"trevor. you tweeted, 'my two [blank] need to [blank] before i [blank blank blank].’ and i will give you a hint, this was a tweet from about a year ago."

"why does he get a hint right away!" you called out.

"he's not very bright, y/n, i'm sure you understand." ian replied, prompting trevor to make a few noises.

"be nice to me?"

ian turned back to trevor, mischievous glint in his eye. "y/n's not very bright, trev, i'm sure you understand."

"be nice to me?" you all started laughing, and once it died down trevor made his guess.

"okay, i'll take 'my two coworkers need to fuck before i explode them both' for five points, alex!"

"i remain ian, but let's reveal that tweet!"

"holy fuck," you said under your breath, realizing he got it right on the money. "how did you manage to remember the exact wording? i don't remember what i had for breakfast yesterday. oh my god, i'm gonna lose so hard at this!" you weren’t even playing it up now, you were actually getting worried. you were going to lose, and by a lot. hopefully you can attribute your lack of skill to the now-infamous gas leak.

"because these two coworkers still haven't fucked and i still want to explode them, honestly," trevor breathed out, seemingly annoyed at the two coworkers in question.

ian giggled behind the podium, a strangely worrisome sound, and you and shayne glanced at each other in shared horror. "trevor,” ian paused, multiplying the level of suspense you were already feeling. “for an extra fifty points, do you want to tell us who the coworkers are? we'll bleep it."

"fifty points?!" shayne yelled, playfully incensed by this rule breaking.

"just take me out back like ol yeller, i beg." you set you head on the podium, which wasn't exactly a comfortable angle, but this wasn't going to be as fun as you thought if ian was going to play dirty the whole game.

the room erupted in laughter as trevor pondered his choice. "no, i won't. i don't want to start anything, fifty points is nothin' compared to my pals at smosh!"

you all booed him, lovingly, and ian giggled again. "shayne, for an extra fifty points, can you guess the coworkers trevor's tweet is about?"

"do you know who it's about?" shayne asked, confused.

"oh, i think everyone in this room does," ian's grin was devilish, relishing in the chaos he was causing. he's been watching too much game changer.

"okay, i'll guess for fifty points. is it angela and amanda?" the room erupted once more, angela's laugh heard loud and clear on every mic.

"incorrect! okay, let's see your post, shayne!"

"wait, i don't get to guess?" you cut in, feeling a little bit excluded from the joke.

"would you like to?" ian asked, earnest, though that devilish smile was still fixed to his mug.

you thought about it for a second. "actually, i'm good. i think my choices are too controversial. y'all aren't ready for my vision."

everyone laughed, and the game moved on.

"shayne. your tweet says: '[blank] is overrated. [blank] is cooler.'"

shayne's silence dragged on, and ian asked if he had a guess. after a beat, shayne stood stock straight up, ready to answer.

"steve, my answer is. 'steak is overrated. chicken is cooler.' for five points."

"let's see..."

ian revealed the next slide, and a slide whistle sound effect played. “oh, that’s too bad shayne. the correct answer was ‘penis is overrated. dick is cooler.’ so close, so close. alright, y/n, it’s your turn!”

you were feeling a little better now that shayne had gotten his wrong. maybe trevor would win, but it didn’t have to be a huge blowout, right?

“y/n, your tweet says ‘i need [blank] to [blank blank] or i will [blank] in [blank blank].’ this seems evil, y/n, if i’m being honest.” ian’s wicked smirk was still firmly planted; he was playing dirtier than you ever thought him capable of. 

“what’s genuinely crazy is i’ve been so worried that i would not remember anything i’ve ever tweeted, but i actually do remember this one!” you laughed hard and loud, but then you remembered you did in fact have to tell everyone what it said. you could lie, but they’d just reveal it after anyway, and you had made a big stink about knowing it now… all you could do was fill in the damn blanks. “okay, it says ‘i need noomf–”

“you need what?” shayne asked, incredulous.

“noomf, it means ‘not one of my followers’ instead of oomf, which is ‘one of my followers’. anyway, ‘i need noomf to fuck off or i will piss in his kickstart’.” you covered your face with your hands, genuinely embarrassed. this would all be a good laugh after shooting wrapped, but in the moment you just wanted to scream a bit.

ian decided to go full little shit mode and not even make a comment, just click to the next slide showing that you were correct. every word. “five points for y/n!”

“oh, fuck, i forgot i was getting points for that. i’ll stop moping now!” you laughed, pushing yourself back into your camera persona, bright and light and happy. you could feel spencer’s daggers in the back of your skull all the same.

✰ .ᐟ

everyone broke for lunch after the finishing the shoot, and angela and courtney were the first to harass you. 

“bro, you tweeted that you would piss in his kickstart?” courtney started. 

“you guys don’t follow each other on socials?” angela then asked. 

court took another turn next, “do you guys not talk outside of work at all?” 

“no! they only talk about work so they always talk through slack!” angela was kind enough to explain your point from lunch the other day.

you stood there, tapping your foot. a bit comical, but a flair for the dramatic never hurt anybody, especially not in this industry. “are we done here? can i go get my food now?” you asked, no venom. “here, let’s just eat together and you can ask all your silly little questions. can’t promise i’ll have an answer for everything, but i’ll do what i can.”

you all lined up at the catering tables and grabbed some food, then found your way to an empty table to start this awful discussion.

you decided some rules needed to be put in place, because as much as you loved angela and courtney, you really didn’t want this to blow up into some ‘big thing’. coworker feuds happen in every office setting, it’s inevitable. it doesn’t need to be a whole situation, in your opinion.

“okay, before we start i’m going to lay some ground rules. you can ask whatever questions you want, but i’m allowed to not answer certain ones. whatever is said at this table, remains at this table, forever. and finally, i beg y’all to speak at a normal volume and not freak out for no reason. i do not need the whole company knowing my business. i’m sure you understand.”

they both nodded, and you decided to get courtney up to speed in case they had a question angela had asked you at lunch the other day, which was likely. now that you thought about it, angela was the only person you had really talked about it with. no one else you worked with seemed to mind, or care, so you didn’t think you’d ever need to answer any questions about it.

“court, before we start, angela actually ambushed me about this the other day so i do already have a few frequently asked questions answered. no, it isn’t a bit. we don’t have any friendship at all. we do not speak outside of work. i’ve never seen him outside of work. we do not have each other’s numbers. we do not follow each other on social media. we aren’t secretly dating. yes, we do hate each other, and, yes, it’s mutual. but… no, i don’t have a reason why.” you were fairly out of breath by the end of your rant, and courtney gave you a moment to catch back up.

“you don’t have a reason why? how can you both hate each other for no reason?” their voice was soft, caring. it burned.

a sigh escaped you. “as far as i know, neither me nor spencer have a ‘reason’ for hating each other. but it’s just a truth at this point. we hate each other, so we don’t interact outside of work. we play nice for the camera, but only because it wouldn’t really be entertaining if we didn’t. some truths are just truths. the sky is blue, the grass is green, and me and spencer hate each other.” you took a few bites of the salad you grabbed from the line, surprised at how good the dressing was. “holy shit, this dressing is fantastic,” you mumbled, hoping, in vain, to prompt a conversation change.

“like i said, i thought the bickering you guys did on camera was an inside joke. i didn’t know there was real anger behind it,” angela said, seeming a bit sad at this revelation.

you realized once again that you hadn’t actually had an honest conversation about this with anyone. you had never taken the time to flesh out this charade you were playing. “i’m not even sure the anger is real.” you said solemnly, quiet as a mouse. “i think it started as a bit. i’m not sure when it turned real, but it is. i guess.”

angela put her arm around you, sensing your mood drop. “hey, hey. it’s alright. you going to be okay, babe?”

courtney put their hand on yours, which you held. you felt like you were naked on a stage – feeling too vulnerable all too suddenly. after a second longer, you pulled yourself away from both of them. “i’m okay, it’s okay. can we change the topic, though? i… guess i’m not ready to talk about it, or something.”

you zoned out for the rest of the conversation.

✰ .ᐟ

when the day had finally ended, you felt the most immense relief you’ve felt in all your damn life.

finally. time to go home and dick around on your guitar. today provided a lot of feelings for a hopeful writing session. 

everyone at smosh knew you played guitar, but no one knew you wrote original music too. it was the easiest way to process what you were feeling. and if it sounded bad, then it sounded bad. at least you felt better afterwards. you never recorded anything you wrote, because it was a form of therapy for you. you let it all out, you cry, you scream, whatever. then you worked on healing. this was your process, and you loved it.

you were planning out some verses mentally when shayne caught up to you on the way to your car. “hey, y/n! i have a strange question.”

you turned, surprised by his appearance. “sure, shayne. what’s up?” 

“are you seeing anyone right now?”

“why, are you and courtney looking for a third?” you raised an eyebrow, which had shayne giggling. you continued, “no, i’m single. why?” 

“no reason!” shayne yelled, and promptly sprinted away.

“okay, see you tomorrow, i guess!” you shouted after him, knowing he probably couldn’t hear you. for such a small man he had a seemingly large stride. he was already halfway across the parking lot when you finished your sentence. “what the hell is this job, anyway?” you muttered, trying to find the melody you had thought of earlier in the day as you drove home in blissful silence.

✰ .ᐟ

alex: yoooo

spencer: what’s up?

alex: kiana’s friend is so your type it’s criminal

spencer: ok?

alex: i’m serious dude she’s like your dream girl!!

spencer: ok?

alex: hi spencer this is your best friend kiana, you have a date with my friend tomorrow at 7pm at our fav chili’s, ok love you!

spencer: i’d rather not

alex: she said shut up and be there or she’s dumping your kickstart stash

spencer: you are both evil.

alex: <3

✰ .ᐟ

you slept like shit last night. again. the past few nights were just not kind to you, and you could tell it was obvious.

“whoa, y/n… do you need to borrow some concealer?” courtney asked upon seeing you in the kitchen this morning. “i’m sure someone has a shade match in the building.”

“gee, thanks, court.” you laughed weakly to yourself, knowing she had nothing but good intentions. “i’ve been having trouble sleeping lately, not sure what’s going on.” you turned around and sighed into your coffee mug, exhausted. “maybe my body is trying to tell me something.”

courtney smiled, then came to lean against the counter next to you.

“you’re single, right?” they questioned, eyes bright.

you sighed again. “yes, just like i told your husband yesterday, i am single.”

“do you have plans tonight?” 

“other than sitting on my couch with my guitar, probably not. perhaps i’ll watch a movie. who’s to say? the world is my oyster.” 

they rolled their eyes at you, but leaned in closer to whisper. “our favorite chili’s, tonight, 7pm. you’re going on a blind date with someone i know very personally, who is perfect for you.”

she was out of the kitchen before you could pick your jaw up off the floor to protest.

✰ .ᐟ

you stood in your bathroom, staring at yourself in the mirror. what the hell was going on. courtney had sent you a text fifteen minutes ago, a reminder of why you were standing in your bathroom, staring at yourself in the mirror. you had a blind date at chili’s in 45 minutes. what the hell was going on. 

if you were in an alternate universe, perhaps all the dots you were connecting in your brain would turn out to be correct. you felt like that bit in buzzfeed unsolved. 

i’ve connected the dots. 

you haven’t connected shit! 

in an alternate universe, your friends beating the truth out of you about your feud with spencer, then turning around and orchestrating a blind date for you would mean something. and it would mean they were setting you up with spencer. just for a moment, just a sliver of a second, you imagined that universe.

you imagine it all working out.

but then you pull yourself out of it, and start actually getting ready for your date. 

he was probably just another improv actor with a nose ring. and he was probably nice. cute, even. but you couldn’t stop thinking about brown curly hair, piercing eyes, a hydroflask full of kickstart. 

a green smosh hat. a carhartt jacket. stubble. glasses. you loved his glasses, and secretly cursed him when he would wear his contacts. spencer.

your phone vibrated against the counter, painfully reuniting you with reality. “shit.”

you fumbled to answer the call, still feeling lost in the syrupy haze of that alternate universe of yours. “hey, court.” 

“are you on your way? find my friends says you’re still at your place!” they rushed out, and you pulled your phone away from your face to see you had less than 15 minutes to be ready and out the door.

“shit! sorry, i didn’t realize how late it got. i’m finishing up now, i’ll be on my way before you know it.” the silence on the other end was deafening. “i promise! but i have to get off the phone to get ready, okay?” 

“fine. please send me a photo of your outfit before you leave. i love you! bye!” courtney ended the call, and you sighed.

“let’s get this over with.” you mumbled to your empty bathroom.

✰ .ᐟ

spencer was pissed. if his friends didn’t suddenly decide to meddle in his love life, he wouldn’t be on a random side street, a mere three miles from chili’s, replacing his flat fire. at 7:08 pm. he didn’t even want to go on this date, but he also didn’t want to be a dick and show up late. alex and kiana didn’t share any info about this mystery girl so he couldn’t text her to let her know. he decided to call alex as he was getting ready to hoist the spare tire out of his trunk. 

“aren’t you on a date right now?!” alex shouted down the phone, no greeting. spencer rolled his eyes.

“chill, i got a flat tire. i’m down the road, like eight minutes max if traffic is kind to me. can you please let my date know i’m not standing her up, i just have to throw the donut on my car really quick.” he was fiddling with the tire iron while he spoke, suddenly nervous and upset at the prospect of hurting this mystery girl’s feelings. he shoved the emotion down and nestled the phone between his ear and shoulder, a smidge tighter than before. “please just let her know.”

“okay, okay.” alex took a breath in, and spencer could tell they’re relieved that the date isn’t a disaster, but only getting there kind of is. “i’ll let her know.”

they said goodbye, and spencer got back to work on the tire. 

elsewhere, alex texted courtney. 

alex: hey spencer got a flat tire. should be there in like 10-15

courtney: ok i’ll let y/n know!

alex: he called me and i nearly shat my pants

courtney: understandable lol if she called me 10 mins in i’d also be panicking

alex then texted kiana.

alex: spencer is late bc he got a flat tire i’m gonna bomb him

kiana: now, now!! it will work out in the end, grasshopper

alex: dont be weird

kiana: says u

✰ .ᐟ

you looked at your phone again. 7:20. you were on your second glass of water, munching on your chips and salsa and sighing. people were starting to stare at you. look at that poor girl, sipping her water, waiting for someone who isn’t showing up. surely she knows, they thought, surely she knows he’s isn’t coming.

unfortunately, you were still holding out hope. for some reason. you didn’t even want this, your friends just dropped it on you. but now that you were here, you felt hopeful. 

most people who know you wouldn’t exactly call you a romantic, but somewhere buried deep inside you, you longed for companionship. everyone did, to some degree – it was human nature. so you decided that at 7:30, you’d leave. 

even if tearing yourself from the booth would burn like wildfire.

you looked at your phone once more. 7:22. you’d been brooding in silence, alone at this table, and alone in this world. a vibration startled you out of it.

courtney: hey he’s almost there!!! he got a flat tire he should be there in about five mins, ok?? i’m so sorry and so is he!!

your heart rate picked up, that hope reigniting and spreading a warm fire throughout your body. you weren’t being stood up. good.

y/n: ok! thank you for updating me <3

courtney: of course bb i love you sm! have fun! text me all the deets!

as you smiled and steadied your fingers to type a reply, an all too familiar voice rang out. “are you being stood up at chili’s?” it asks.

you involuntarily rolled your eyes, all too easily sliding into this role you play. no one could say you weren’t a good actor. because here you were, slipping under that mask that fit so comfortably. playing a character. because an hour ago, you were hoping it would be him. you wanted it to be him. but now, he was here. which meant you had a role to play, and you would play it well. you’d give him an oscar award-winning performance. 

“please explain how my activities outside of the office are any of your business, spencer.” you deadpanned. it didn’t hit like you wanted it to. “he’s late.”

“scoot. i’m hungry.” he says, and you stare at him.

“i’m sorry?” you admonished.

“scootch over. have you ordered yet?” he asks, casual as all get out. like this was normal, or reasonable. 

you both know your roles. you know your lines. you’ve been off-book for years. what was he doing? he was going so far off script, ad-libbing, completely disregarding the words written for you, the ones you’d both studied and memorized. you were an improv comedian, and yes and-ing was never something you struggled with. but this wasn’t supposed to be improv. this was scripted. heavily. this was not reality tv, this was not whose line, this was a 40-minute sitcom with strict character archetypes, and you both knew your roles. 

while you waited in vain for the non-existent director to yell ‘cut!’, you found yourself moving over and letting him slide into the booth. it didn’t occur to you to just tell him to sit on the opposite side, which was empty. 

despite the warmth of the evening and the restaurant, you felt a shiver up and down your spine.

your server, carissa, came back to the table, and she looked relieved that your ‘date’ had finally arrived. she was probably about 20 years old, and her whole vibe said, “if he doesn’t show up, i’ll kill him for you.” 

“took you long enough, dude,” was her greeting of choice. spencer looked surprised, which caused a laugh to escape you. “what would you like to drink?”

spencer seemed a bit lost for words, but managed to say “just a water, please,” after a not-entirely inaudible swallow.

carissa turned her attention back to you, “did you want to order now? or does mister late as fuck need some more time?” she gestured at spencer with her pen, her voice full of humor. it was entirely opposite of the darker voice she used on spencer.

you loved this girl. “easy on him, carissa. i’m sure he has a good reason.”

spencer looked at you, and you realized you probably should have specified that he actually wasn’t the person you were waiting on. your mind drifts back to that slice of an alternate universe, the one you wanted to slot yourself into for longer than just a fleeting moment. your heart quickened its pace once more, and you silently willed it to calm down.

he doesn’t like you, you thought, solemnly. he likes chili’s. he’s probably here to meet kiana or something. the thought of kiana joining you at dinner was a happy one, usually. you loved her. she was bright and bubbly and she was incredibly smart. you loved listening to her talk. but right now, it almost felt like that little alternate universe and the universe you’re currently stuck in were overlapping for a moment. you wanted to keep this feeling. hold it close.

you zoned back in when spencer started talking, both of you unsure how long you had been looking at each other for. it might have been the first time you both really looked at each other. the glancing and the glaring around the office was short lived. never more than a few seconds. this look felt like it stretched on for years, unending. this wasn’t just the first time you both looked at each other, it might also be the first time you really saw each other.

and, if you were just a bit more unhinged, you’d have said that it felt like home.

“i had a flat tire. i was right down the road but i had to put the spare on, so i’m much later than i wanted to be. i try to be early to dates, but it seems like the world was betting against me tonight.” spencer looked at his lap, sheepish, all of the sudden. it was cute. a soft expression you had no clue he was even capable of. it suited him, emotion. or, emotions other than anger.

“see? that’s a perfectly reasonable excuse,” you replied, which prompted a gasp from spencer. 

you find the roles shifting, no longer are you and spencer coworkers trapped in an office, glaring at each other and attempting niceties on camera. now, you were stepping into the roles of love interests in a rom-com with 80s flair. the quiet, misunderstood girl, and the edgy yet likeable boy. fake dating for some reason or another, only to fall in love for real in the end. the it was always you trope.

you could play this character just as easily as you could play the hateful coworker. maybe this role would win you a sag award. you set it next to your academy award on your imaginary awards shelf.

“it’s not an excuse! it’s a reason. an explanation, if you will.” spencer said, faux-horror in his voice.

“and i will.” you shot back, playing into it. you could fit so comfortably here.

carissa faked a yawn, and you ask her for a triple dipper – mozzarella sticks, big mouth bites, and chicken tenders. spencer had no comment on this, which made you quite happy, oddly enough. 

once carissa had walked away, spencer turned his body to face you a little more, and you felt closed in in the best way possible. he was suffocating you with his presence, but it felt good. safe, even.

you settled into the booth, a little taken aback by his sudden attention. honestly, you paid more attention to him around the office than you would ever admit to anyone. you both had desks in the same pod so you were in proximity at all times, and you looked. a lot. and maybe you pined. maybe… just maybe, you had been pining this whole time. 

“what’s goin’ on up there?” spencer asked, nodding toward you.

“i don’t know,” you replied. it was the truth. you weren’t sure what was going on in your brain, just that you had no urge to stop it. more like an urge to give in.

carissa reappeared with a glass of ice water for spencer. he whispered a soft “thank you” in her direction, but his eyes never left yours. she walked away without a response.

“y’know, i was actually supposed to meet someone here tonight. i should probably tell alex what’s going on.”

your ears perked up at the mention of alex. “why would you tell alex?”

“they’re my best friend?” spencer said, eyes now on his phone. “also, it was a blind date. i don’t have her number,” he explained, frowning. “or her name.” his thumbs were flying across the keyboard, and you watched in silence. you were suddenly enraptured by his hands. 

then, it clicked. “oh my fucking god!” you groaned, which caused spencer to turn his focus back on you. 

“what? what’s wrong?” there was genuine concern in his voice, something you had never heard from him. it stoked the fire inside you, pulling it back up to a dangerous roar. this chili’s would erupt in flames if this continued on for much longer.

in lieu of a response, you simply grabbed your phone off the table, calling courtney and putting the call on speaker.

“hey! how’s it going?” courtney asked, speech stilted with nerves.

“what’s my blind date’s name, courtney?”

you heard spencer mutter something under his breath.

“you’ll know him when you see him! like i said, he had a flat tire. wait, it’s been, like, forty minutes, why isn’t he there yet?” their sentence got quieter as they moved through it, processing in real time.

spencer leaned in, clearly only getting closer to the mic so courtney could hear him, but you’d like to think he wanted to be closer to you, too.

“i’m here, courtney.” was all he said.

“neither of you sound happy…” they moped.

you rolled your eyes affectionately. they meant well, and you said as much. “i know you meant well, honey, but me and spencer have absolutely no chemistry.” there it was again. you switched back to your original role, the one you had spent far too much time in, the one that was closer to home. “this wasn’t a good idea and i think you know that.”

you dared to peek at spencer, who was looking right at you, forlorn. “yeah, court. i appreciate the team effort, but unfortunately me and y/n are just not compatible.” his voice was tight. angry. and just like that, spencer was also back in his original role. perhaps it felt like home to him too, and he also didn’t care for change. some things are just true. the sky is blue, the grass is green, and you and spencer agnew hate each other.

for once, you found yourself wishing it wasn't true.

✰ .ᐟ

once you and courtney hung up, you asked carissa for the triple dipper to be to-go, and you and spencer went your separate ways. the whole drive home, the car was silent and so was your brain. normally you’d be crafting melodies and writing bridges, ever the artist. but tonight your brain was turned off. you had to keep it that way, purposefully silencing the thoughts that threatened to burst through. you couldn’t think about the looks spencer gave you. you couldn’t think about the smell of his cologne when he leaned close to talk to courtney. you couldn’t think about the way he apologized. 

i’m sorry about this, y/n. i know that we don’t like each other but i wouldn’t wish this on anyone.

this?

the whole, blind-date-with-my-enemy thing. 

spencer, why are we enemies?

i don’t know, y/n. but i think we both know it needs to stay that way.

it seemed like he had been mentally policing his word choice. careful, stoic. there was emotion in his voice, but not in his face. his jaw was tight. spencer felt bad. despite it all, he didn’t want to hurt you. this was a rejection, plain and simple, but he was being merciful. though, it also felt forced. like this isn’t what he really wants, but it’s how things have to be. a law of the universe, at this point. an intrinsic truth. we can’t be anything other than coworkers and enemies. anything else would be disastrous.

you felt silly, catastrophizing like this. 

as you turned your key in the lock of your front door, your guitar called to you from the corner of the living room.

let it out, it seemed to say, feel your feelings, so you can move on.

and so you did. you changed into some sweatpants and an old crewneck, sat yourself on the floor of your apartment, and got to writing. 

perhaps you would one day add a grammy to your little imaginary awards shelf. an academy award for your coworker enemy character, the breakout role. the sag award for your little lovesick puppy character you got to play tonight, at chili’s. and a grammy. for you. no character, no facade, just you.

but you’d have to record yourself to achieve that. and now wasn't the time for bravery, now was the time for processing and moving on. 

✰ .ᐟ

the next morning, you woke up to a small barrage of messages. mostly courtney apologizing. an apology from shayne as well. a text from ang asking if you were okay. alex, kiana, and amanda also messaged you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to keep scrolling. until your eyes caught on something new. an unsaved number, who had texted you a mere minute before you woke up.

unsaved: hey. sorry again about last night. 

your heart leapt into your throat, and that fire under your skin was back. you put your phone face down on your nightstand and promptly took a shower.

upon your arrival at work, you were reminded of how fucking gossipy this damn office was. people were throwing you apologetic looks all day, clearly informed on the situation. thirty minutes before your first shoot, ian pulled you to the side.

“hey, y/n. um, is there anything you wanted to talk about? or let me know about?” ian asked, clearly uncomfortable.

you looked at him in confusion, head tilted to the side. “i… don’t think so?” you said it like a question, because it kind of was one. surely one blind date arranged by other coworkers that didn’t even result in a relationship wasn’t cause for concern, right?

“okay, i’ll just ask then. are you and spencer in a relationship? it’s okay, if so, but there’s a lot of paper–”

you cut him off, astounded he even thought to ask such an insane question. “whoa, whoa, whoa. me and spencer are not dating. why on earth gave you that idea?”

ian blushed, and it was quite cute. he clearly felt a little out of his depth, which is silly considering the amount of coworker relationships at smosh. he’s done this at least three times, you think he’d be better at it.

“well i've heard whisperings around the office that you two went on a date last night,” he said.

“and you thought that a date between us would end well?” you asked, a bit astounded. “i'm not even sure why court and them even set it up, it's fairly well known that we don't like each other in the slightest.” internally, you were thinking about the low tone spencer had when he was next to you. boxing you in, commanding your attention. maybe you had been pining this whole time. but that was not anyone else’s business, so you would continue to keep those feelings behind a quadruple-padlocked door, far in the back corner of your brain.

“y/n, can i talk to you as a friend and not as a boss or coworker?” ian dropped his voice, a soft smile on his face.

“of course, ian.”

“i think you know damn well that you and spencer are made for each other.”

“i–”

he cuts you off. “you might have everyone else fooled, and you might even have yourself fooled. but to a degree, i think there’s a part of you that wants that. and it’s okay to want that. to want spencer. it’s okay to want. but if you ask me–”

“i didn’t–”

“but if you ask me,” he bulldozes, committing to saying his piece. “i think it’s also okay to have. it’s right in front of you for the taking, and as much as you can deny it, i think you also know that.”

you were quietly stunned by this emotional, introspective, hopeless romantic version of ian. “i know i can want, ian. i know more than well enough what wanting feels like.” a sigh escapes you, suddenly exhausted. “but i can’t have. not this time, not this one. i can have something else, later down the road. but i can’t have this. i’m not allowed to have this.”

“why not?”

you stayed silent. you hadn’t thought about the why not of it all. it was another one of those things. spencer was an enemy. spencer was off limits. he was forbidden. prohibited. a thing you could want, but never, ever have.

“i just can’t, ian.” you sighed, resigned. you were getting tired of fighting this battle, but it wasn’t like you had a choice.

“okay, y/n.” his voice is soft, and he puts a hand on your shoulder. “well, when you can, i’m sure he’ll be waiting for you.”

“i’d never ask that of him.”

“you don’t have to.” ian wrapped you in a hug, and then walked back to whichever office he came from, leaving you in a pile of emotions at the end of the hall.

“what the fuck is happening,” you whispered to yourself. the world was turning upside down, and you were starting to get quite motion sick.

you sat down on a nearby sofa, checking the time. you had to get your mic pack set up in about five minutes, so you tried to use that time to regulate your breathing. in, two, three, four. out, two, three, four. you knew you were shooting a pit video, but you couldn’t remember what it was or who was going to be in it with you. was it a reddit stories today? no, that was thursday… 

“y/n?” erin dougal called. your head snapped up, your thoughts finally simmering to a normal volume. a distraction was welcome, and erin was always up to something.

“yeah, what’s up?” you replied, hoping for some sort of insane tiktok pitch that tommy dreamt up, or some gossip about the caterer she had a thing for. 

“ready for the shoot?” right, your job. guess those five minutes passed faster than you thought. at least you had calmed down substantially.

“oh. yeah, sorry. what are we shooting again?” you hoped she wouldn't rag on you too much for forgetting your shoot schedule. surely she was aware of your current goings-on.

she gaped at you in response. “seriously? we've only been gearing up for this shoot for, like, two months.” 

fuck. today was courtney’s hide and seek shoot. fuck. you had been so wrapped up in the bullshit of this week you had forgotten to even plan a place to hide. 

“oh! right, sorry. not sure how i forgot that.” you stood up, trying to collect yourself, embarrassed.

you followed erin into the small parking lot right outside the office, where everyone was waiting to be let inside. she debriefed you on the general rules, which have been the same since the first hide and seek video. you nodded along, and tried to figure out where the hell you were going to hide.

before you knew it, everyone was rushing inside. you decided to go up into the weird little attic space duran usually hides in, knowing he wasn't set to be in the video. it was a guaranteed easy find, and you didn't really want to be alone with your thoughts for very long. you had a history of being found extremely early on, and you weren’t planning to break that streak. especially not when you had so many other things to deal with right now.

but the universe was never on your side. you climbed up the slightly unstable ladder, using your phone’s flashlight to look for a spot, when you saw him. spencer was already up here, because of course he was.

“no.” was all he said.

“c’mon, this week has been shitty enough. i don't have any other ideas.” you whispered, knowing there wasn't much time left. “i can't find another spot, there's only, like, 20 seconds left.”

“no, y/n.” he was firm in his answer, but you were just as stubborn.

you gathered a bit of courage, and made your way over to him, ducking in the tight space. you sat down right next to him, a fraction of a fraction of a centimeter between you. “yes.”

he rolled his eyes and rested his head on the painted cinder block wall behind him, lids fluttered closed, too tired to fight. you understood that feeling all too well. “fine.”

✰ .ᐟ

turns out, courtney miller is exceptionally terrible at hide and seek. you’d both been waiting in silence to be found for over thirty minutes. if you had known how long you’d have to sit in such close proximity to spencer, you’d have made several different choices. starting with calling out of work today. 

“jesus, court.” you whispered. then, turning to spencer, you spoke just a tad louder. “we’re supposed be recording confessionals, you know.”

“i'm aware,” spencer said. no malice in his voice, though you could tell he tried. his mask was slipping.

you pulled out your phone and clipped your little selfie light onto it. “hey guys, y/n and spencer here. it’s been over thirty minutes at this point, and i don't think courtney’s even entered the kitchen, let alone this fuckass room.”

“fuckass is crazy,” spencer says, in that giggly, drawn out way he always does. you always liked when he did that. it made your stomach do somersaults, for a reason you could never pinpoint.

“are we allowed to hide together? i know lisa and jeremy technically did in shayne’s hide and seek video.” you ask, purely for the content of it all. you couldn’t care less about any of the rules right now. you were next to spencer, and it felt right. fuck the rules. 

“i'm not sur–” a noise erupted from the kitchen, and spencer paused. “they’re hereeee,” he singsonged. he was disgustingly cute.

“gotta go!” you said, quickly ending the recording and putting your phone away. 

spencer looked at you, and you looked at him. faces mere inches apart. you both heard the door to the kitchen closing, signifying courtney’s exit. you were both safe, for now. no need to stay quiet. but neither of you spoke. 

the silence carried on, seconds to minutes. you started to really look at spencer, dissecting his beauty.

the shine in his eyes, even in this dim, unflattering light. the ghost of a smile on his face. he's the first to turn away.

“y/n,” spencer near begged. “please.”

“what?” you asked, genuine.

he looked back at you. then he leaned in, so close you could feel his breath when he spoke again. “you're killing me, y/n. you know what you're doing.”

you angled your face, just so, closer than you've been to anyone in a long time. closer than you've ever been to spencer agnew. “oh? what am i doing, spencer?” you batted your eyelashes at him.

he inched closer, prompting your noses to touch. it sent a shooting pulse of sparks through your blood. “tell me to stop, y/n.” he whispered, borderline tremulous.

“why?” you didn’t retreat, and you certainly didn’t oblige him.

“please, tell me to stop.” he was still staring into you, through your eyes and deep into that corner of your mind. the quadruple-padlocked door. he held every key, and you could see it all play out: him unlocking every single one with ease. blatant disregard for the consequences of his reckless actions.

you let him. no, you encouraged him. “why can't you stop yourself, spencer?” 

you knew full well courtney could burst in at any moment. you're acutely aware that you're both at work right now, in the middle of a shoot. you couldn’t seem to find the strength to give a fuck.

“because you're in charge, y/n. you always have been. i’ve been following your lead since day one. so tell me to stop.” 

you moved your eyes to his lips, finally tearing away from that gaze. “go,” you whispered.

that was all he needed to crash his lips into yours.

it’s not a great kiss. it never is when you're both this pent up. it's either too aggressive or too soft, never exactly what you're expecting, or wanting. but it enveloped you in that now familiar fire, and you didn’t even care. this could be the worst kiss of your life and you would still think of it fondly years down the line. because it's spencer. and you wanted spencer. and he, seemingly, wanted you too. so you want. and you have. just for a moment.

your brain finally rebooted and you immediately started kissing back, forceful. spencer’s hands found your body, and they wandered. he set them on your hips, then moved one to your neck. then one in your hair and the other on your face. you only pulled back from lack of oxygen. out of pure necessity.

as you both sat there, foreheads pressed against each other, chests heaving, you started to think about what you've done. he didn't just unlock that door, he blew it off the hinges. you weren’t sure you could ever deny yourself the feeling of kissing spencer agnew. not anymore, not now. you've become addicted on the very first hit, and you couldn’t find it in yourself to care. 

a loud bang on the opposite side of the wall had both of you separating. only an inch or so between the two of you, knowing you're about to be caught. you willed your heart rate down. trying to breathe slow, deep breaths. “time to be found i guess,” you whispered. 

spencer’s head finds its place on the back wall again. he seemed defeated. tired. but happy. “yeah.”

✰ .ᐟ

two months passed and neither you nor spencer spoke about what happened during courtney’s hide and seek shoot. there's still animosity all around, and you expect that your oscar will be stripped away due to your performance. it’s exhausting, keeping this fucking thing going. you had the one thing you always denied yourself, for just a moment, and that’s all you’ll ever have. you’re well aware of this, and were doing what you could to fully come to terms with it.

but spencer. he seemed so unbothered. like it was nothing to him, like you were nothing to him, like this was all just an elaborate prank. cut the fucking cameras.

tell me to stop, y/n. please. 

christ. your alarm had been turned off five minutes ago, but you remained in bed, under the covers. showing up at work was never a thing you dreaded. you fucking loved your job. and all your coworkers, who were now your friends and your family. you even loved the fans, deranged as they are.

but these days, it was weighing on you. getting up, going in and pretending you don’t know the taste and rhythm of spencer agnew’s sinful fucking mouth. it was hell. you wanted more, and he wanted nothing to do with you. and maybe you should have expected that. maybe this was all on you, for getting your hopes up for even a moment. 

you’re in charge, y/n. you always have been.

you pulled yourself out of bed and into the shower. you turned the water as hot as it could go, grateful to experience a different kind of pain for even a few minutes.

i’ve been following your lead since day one. so tell me to stop.

once your skin had been sufficiently burned, and your actual shower duties were complete, you decided to dress a little nicer today. even though you knew the only plan you had was answering emails, editing scripts, and some social media stuff. 

the shower really helped. the day seemed different, brighter. you felt a little less trepidation about work. you weren’t sure what magic was doled out by your rinky dink shower head, but you were thankful for it all the same.

✰ .ᐟ

pretty much every cast member greeted you at the door. suddenly, that trepidation was back. “what’s going on?” 

“did you not check your phone?” shayne asked, a laugh tumbling out of him.

you thought about it. you hadn’t, actually. you turned your alarm off, showered in silence for the first time in a long time, then drove to work in silence as well. “i guess not. why? is everything okay?” 

angela let out a gleeful scream. “you and spencer have the fandom in a tizzy!” she exclaimed, clapping her hands with joy.

your brain went all fuzzy. “me and… spencer?” your mind drifted back to the kiss, and you felt the heat rising on your face. that was embarrassing. everyone was here, and they were all looking at you, and you knew that your blush was violently visible. 

“from the hide and seek video!” chanse added, as though there were any other point of reference.

you started to get a bit light-headed, and you sat down. “i’m confused.”

“why?” courtney asks, coming to sit next to you. it seemed everyone could sense your discomfort, so they dissipated, leaving courtney to work their magic.

“why would anyone care about me and spencer?” you asked. in your defense, you hadn’t watched the video. you couldn’t. you didn’t even watch back the single confessional you recorded, just sent it over to andre. you didn’t delete it though. it sat in your camera roll, heavy on your mind, and taunting you every time you opened your photos app.

they laughed, a soft sound, reassuring. “babe, i need you to watch the video.”

you groaned in response, feeling like a petulant child. like you were going to stomp your feet and cry if you didn’t get your way.  “i don’t want to, courtney. i don’t need to see how fucking red was my face was. i don’t need to see how pathetic i look.”

you hadn’t told a single soul what happened in that little attic crawl space. you didn’t want to – it was a blissful secret. it was easier to hold it in, the truth that you kissed him and it felt like flying and dying and living and breathing and everything all at the same exact time. because if you ever admitted that out loud, you think you’d pass away from the sheer amount of love in your voice when you say it. he was turning you into a hopeless romantic, and you’d barely said seven words to the man since he completely ruined your life.

because that’s what he had done, wasn’t it? you were ruined for anyone else. how could you move on, how could you kiss someone else when spencer agnew made alpha centauri appear behind your eyes. a star system, exploding to life. and you knew, somewhere inside, that that was the only time in your life you’d ever be able to feel something like that. you weren’t even sure you’d want to feel it again. it’s been nothing short of agonizing.

“y/n, can i ask you something?” they questioned, ever patient.

“yes.”

“why do you keep denying yourself good things?” her hand was on your thigh, a soft comfort to offset the sting of her question. “please, i'll show you the clip right here, and i’ll be next to you the whole time. if you want me to turn it off, i will. but will you try for me? please?”

you had never struggled with watching the videos you were in. granted, you usually could just focus on someone else in the shot. this was just you, and spencer. courtney would be there in the background, maybe brennan. but mostly it was you and spencer. and if you didn’t look at yourself, you’d look at him. you weren’t sure which was worse, but you agreed. 

“rip the fucking band-aid off already, i beg of you.” 

she let out a small squeal of excitement, opening her phone. you were only mildly surprised to see the clip was already pulled up. 

courtney pressed play on the video, and they handed you the phone. you watched, captivated. you decided to look at yourself. your blush was evident, and once you noticed that, you couldn’t bear to look any longer, so you looked at spencer. he was staring at you, while you stared ahead, giggling at whatever courtney said. his eyes were fixed on your profile, a smile bursting at the seams of his mouth, threatening a chelsea grin. he was smiling. he begged you to stop him, to stop this. spencer begged you not to feed the fire, but you had thrown gasoline right into it.

the thought… excited you.

“oh, hey,” courtney chirped happily, causing you to tear your eyes away from the screen of her phone. she paused the video and slipped her phone back into her pocket. “i’ll leave you to it,” they stood from their chair, pushing it in and giving you a look of hopefulness. you smiled back, halfheartedly.

“hi, spencer.” you murmured, finally meeting his eyes.

“hi, y/n.” he parroted, walking slowly toward you. he seemed hesitant, but… hopeful? maybe you felt the same way. “can i talk to you for a moment?” he gestured to the recently vacated chair on your left, and you nodded. you couldn’t trust yourself to talk at the moment.

he sat down next to you, entirely too casual. he’s slouched in the chair, hands in the pockets of his jacket. “seems like we did a number on a few people, huh?” he started. still too casual. you braced yourself for impact: we still can’t do this, though. we’re not friends. let alone lovers. 

what he actually said, though, hit you harder than 400 asteroids. “you certainly did a fucking number on me.”

“uh, what?” is all you could muster, confused, adrenaline pumping through your veins.

he sat back up, then leaned into your space. again. he likes to do that. normally, you’d feel too caged, too claustrophobic. but for some reason, it felt like a blessing. a near-familiar comfort in this whirlwind you were caught up in. “y/n, do you remember our first date?” 

your defense mechanism, sarcasm, clicked on in your brain. “if you call that a date, i’m embarrassed for you, spencer.” 

“so you do remember it.”

“yes, spencer. i remember when you accosted me at chili’s.”

he laughed, and you know that it’s such a beautiful sound, but it still hurt. “and do you remember what i told you at the end of the night?”

“you said you didn’t know why we were enemies, but that we both knew it needed to stay that way.”

“exactly. y/n, do you know why i refuse to sit next to you in videos? or why i very frequently cut you off when you’re talking? or why we’ve never been the guests on reddit stories together?”

“no,” you breathe out, honest. “no, i don’t know why.”

“it’s because of what happened in that godforsaken hide and seek video. because i knew, given the proximity, i’d do that. i’d stare at you, zoned out of whatever conversation was happening around me. smiling like a fucking idiot.”

you didn’t speak, feeling overwhelmed at his sudden confession.

“i have a cool guy persona that i try quite hard to keep up, and i didn’t want millions of people seeing me, fucking, splayed out like that. all my feelings on display in 4k. since the day you walked in that fucking door, i’ve been forcing myself to hate you, forcing myself to be your ‘enemy’, playing along with this stupid fucking charade we both seemingly crafted out of nowhere. being that close to you, it makes that whole game a lot harder to play.”

“spencer,” you said, attempting to alleviate some pressure. “you don’t have to–”

“i’m serious, y/n. i’m not mad, i’m not even upset. frankly, i’m relieved. it’s out there, people have seen it, and i’m happy about it. i’m tired of this stupid cat and mouse game, y/n. this shit makes me feel like sisyphus. i’m tired of pushing the stupid fake hatred boulder up the mountain. and i think you are, too. i’ve seen it. i’ve felt it.” he whispered the last part, like it was meant just for him. he was thinking about the kiss. reliving it, the tension, the heat, the closeness. his lips on yours, his hands in your hair. he was thinking about it, and he wasn’t thinking it was embarrassing or gross. he didn’t regret it. he didn’t regret you.

you leaned into him, bringing your nose right up to his, face closer than need be for a conversation between two people who claim to hate each other. “tell me to stop, spencer,” you tried.

he looked at you, eyes wide and shining again. his gaze flickered down to your mouth, then back to your eyes. “fuck it,” he stated, and then his lips were on you. 

you were once again kissing spencer agnew, and you were once again doing it at the fucking office. but you didn’t care about that, couldn’t care about that, because he was kissing you, and this time it was different. it wasn’t nearly as clumsy, or aggressive. the angle was perfect, and his hand was resting on the back of your neck, a soft cradle. your brain didn’t need to time to load, or reboot, and for once it didn’t even blue screen. you immediately kissed spencer back, with more fervor than you thought you had in you.

a small moan slipped out of your mouth, and you didn’t care about that either. you knew your coworkers were probably watching you both from around the corner, phones out to record the momentous occasion, hushes being thrown at others who dared to speak. 

but right now, the only thing you cared about was making sure spencer knew you weren’t going to play this fucking godawful game anymore. you kissed him like you were serious about it, because you were. you were serious about spencer agnew. as serious as a heart attack, which you felt like you were on the verge of.

you attempted to pull back for a moment, but spencer wouldn’t let you go. he’s starving, and you are a delicacy he intends to gorge himself on, gluttonous. you gave in, and continued to kiss him back. it’s the most blissful feeling, reciprocation.

no more games. no more lies. no more feuds.

no more enemies, or hatred.

some things in life are universal truths. the grass is green, the sky is blue, and you and spencer agnew loved each other. you always had, and both of you were equally tired of pretending otherwise. pushing back against the universe was always a losing game. 

so you both gave in.

and it was heavenly.

“please, y/n,” spencer pined, pulling back but still staying close. “don’t make me wait another two months to do that again.”

a laugh surged out of you, loud and honest. “have you been thinking about doing it again?”

“constantly. it’s a problem.”

you bit your bottom lip, unsure of how you got here. “oh my god,” you put your head in your hands, remembering your first tweet from you posted that. “i’m sorry i threatened to piss in your kickstart.”

this time, spencer was the one who laughed. hard and loud, honest, just like you, a moment ago. like you were still doing, because hearing spencer laugh made you laugh. a contagious happiness pouring from his lips, filling your very atoms.

“it’s okay, i understand. i wanted to piss in your lattes.” he set his forehead against yours, a form of intimacy he seemed to love. just like two months ago, he was invading your space and you couldn’t get enough of it.

“i’m sorry it took so long to get my head out of my ass,” he spilled, remorse heavy in his voice. “to think we could have been doing this so long ago…” his sentence faded away, and you couldn’t help but smile even harder.

“hey, my head was also up my ass. it’s okay. we have time.”

“yeah, we do.”

✰ .ᐟ

the remainder of the week went off without incident. you told ian you would fill out any and all paperwork, but not until you and spencer were ready. not until he formally asked you to be his girlfriend. it was still the very early days, and while you were beyond happy, you didn’t want to jinx it. watching this love grow was a privilege, not a right, and you intended to keep it. 

you both graced the infamous white reddit stories couch, the episode themed around coworker drama. it was nice to be able to laugh with him openly, and it was nice to hear his thoughts on the stories. spencer was incredibly well articulated when he wanted to be, and it was incredibly sexy to watch him be so emotionally mature and vulnerable. he was more understanding than you would have ever expected, and it only made you want him more.

you hadn’t had a real, formal date yet. that was tonight, once shooting wrapped. he refused to tell you anything about it, just insisted you dress comfortably.

and you were comfortable, here on this couch, with spencer. you both had to be reminded not to sit so close together, several times now. shayne and courtney ragged on you a bit, but they promised to give you tips on hiding the relationship if that was what you chose to do. that was a conversation for another time, but it was nice to know everyone at smosh would always be in your corner.

you pulled yourself out of your head to concentrate on shayne’s voice, and you even threw in a few comments mid-narration. you didn’t like doing that often, it felt rude to interrupt. but hearing spencer break out in a fit of giggles at a shitty joke you made only pushed you to be more confident. 

✰ .ᐟ

“where the fuck are going, spencer?” you questioned for approximately the fifteenth time. once shooting had wrapped, everyone bid you and spencer farewell and good luck on your first official date. you went to the bathroom to change into your favorite sweatpants and an old hoodie, and when you reappeared spencer was holding a blindfold in his hand.

without thinking, you had popped the first joke that came into your head. “oh, we’re already getting freaky?”

he had laughed, and insisted it wasn’t anything like that. “but it can be, eventually.” he raised an eyebrow, suggestive and suave.

well, fuck.

as spencer directed you through the office – presumably to take you to one of the stages? – you let the lack of sight relax you. he wanted to surprise you, which means that he planned something. or set something up. you were rapidly falling in love with this man, and you weren’t sure if that was scary or exciting. probably both. you were free falling out of a fucking airplane, the cords on your parachute stuck, but it felt good. 

“okay, you can remove your blindfold,” you heard his voice from behind you, as he finally brought you to a stop.

you slowly reached up to pull the blindfold off, and you couldn’t stop the tears that started to form.

spencer had set up a place for you to record music. he had moved a bunch of props and furniture around on the games stage, and set up a tiny little nook with pillows and blankets and bean bags. somehow, your guitar was there, propped next to an amp. there were several pedals splayed out, a wide array of effects for you to choose from. it was all hooked up to your macbook, which had fl studio pulled up on it.

“spencer…” you whined. the tears were silent, but they fell in waves. 

he moved to stand in front of you, and you knew you would never get tired of being able to be this close to him whenever you wanted. he was yours to hold. 

you tried to stop the tears, tried to speak, tried to thank him and apologize. all you could do was let the small, silent sobs wrack your body. 

“y/n, please please tell me that these are happy tears,” spencer pleaded with you. his hand wiping a tear away from your cheek.

you nodded furiously, and found your voice again. “y-yes. yes. they are happy tears.” you took a deep breath in, stinging in the best way. “thank you so fucking much, spencer. i don’t know what to say other than thank you.”

“i know that you write music, but i know you never record it. i didn’t know if that was because you were worried about it not being good enough, or if it was simply the inability to record. either way, i can keep all of this set up here for you. whenever you want, as long as the stage isn’t needed, of course. i was hoping we could have a little jam sesh.” spencer laughed, light and airy.

you surged forward, wrapping your arms around him and hugging him tightly. “thank you,” you said again.

✰ .ᐟ

you and spencer spent three hours holed up on the games stage, playing around with different effects pedals and different fl studio presets. the time flew by, and you hadn’t even actually recorded anything, but you didn’t need to. you’d remember every second of this night for the rest of your life. you didn’t show spencer any of the songs you’d written these past few weeks, all of them about him. you would one day, when you were ready, but right now all you wanted was to be in this moment with him.

“it’s crazy how far we’ve come in such little time,” spencer said quietly, once the instruments had been retired and you were both stretched out on the extra large bean bag.

you smiled, agreeing. “yeah. it sucks that we lost out on so much time, but i’m grateful that i get to have you at all.” it was more vulnerable than you had meant to be, but spencer didn’t let it linger in the air too long.

“you have me for as long as you want, babe. i’m not leaving until you kick me out.”

a soft laugh, “i can’t imagine a world where i’d ever kick you out, spencer.”

“it’s like i told you. you’re the one in charge, y/n. i’ll follow your lead wherever it takes me.”

“even if it takes you off a cliff?” you japed, adding some levity to this conversation you weren’t quite ready for.

“yes,” spencer replied, no hesitation or thought. “wherever you go, i’d like to be with you. if you’d have me.” 

you turned fully onto your side so you could look at him again. his hair had gotten so long, and you were hoping he wouldn’t cut it yet. you liked how wild and windswept it looked at this length. you also wanted to pull it.

“what are you saying, spencer?” you were egging him on.

“will you be my girlfriend, y/n? we can go as slow or as fast as you’d like, we can do it all at your pace. we have time,” he assured you. “i know this is only our first date, and normally this might seem like jumping the gun a little bit.” spencer sighed, but it was wistful, not sad. “but i’ve been sure about you for years now, and now that you’re finally giving me the chance, i don’t want to wait. i don’t want it to slip out of my hands.”

you let out a breath you didn’t notice you were holding. this side of spencer – no, just spencer – you were so unaware of him and everything he had the capacity to be and do and feel just a few months ago. sure, you’d been pining for awhile, and you’d been watching him for a bit. not in a creepy way, just observing him when he wasn’t putting up the goddamn shield he always forced up around you. seeing spencer for who he was, as he was. you had no idea that he could be so eloquent, so romantic, so fucking perfect.

“christ, you’re going to kill me, charles spencer agnew.”

“is that a yes, y/n? don’t tell me you’ve changed your mind already!” spencer laughed again, and you realized just how often you made him laugh. almost like your specific brand of comedy was tailor made for him. maybe it was. 

“yes, spencer, i will be your girlfriend.” you smiled at him, a toothy. unabashed grin. “thank you for this.” you gestured around the nook. “seriously, this is so fucking sweet of you. i really, truly appreciate it.” most people didn’t put so much effort into the first date. this would, normally, be a fifth date kind of thing, probably. not that you had much practice. but it was your first real date, and spencer did all this work just to spend a few hours making shitty hyperpop mixes out of the silliest guitar sounds you could manage.

“don’t get used to it, this was a lot of work.”

your smile dropped instantly, a cold rush hitting you. fuck, was he making fun of you? you felt tears well up again, this time decidedly unhappy tears.

spencer shot up in an instant. “hey, hey. it’s okay, love. can i touch you?”

you cried harder, realizing that not only was spencer not making fun of you, but that he was listening. he always was, he always had been. because he knew not to touch you when you were crying, he knew to ask. and you had never told him that.

you had said it in a reddit stories video once. the story had to do with panic attacks, and you felt like you had to give your two cents, daring to be vulnerable on beyoncé’s internet.

“i actually hate being touched when i’m upset. people always jump straight to hugging me or patting my head or some shit. bro, i’m fucking freaking out, please do not touch me!” 

courtney laughed, agreeing with your sentiment. “no, exactly! like, i’m crying all over myself and i’m snotty and gross. please get your hands off me. you can clearly see i’m overwhelmed, why is your first thought to add to that?” 

it was refreshing to be understood by someone. 

“i have never once seen someone in emotional distress and thought, ‘hmm, i should hug them super tight! that’ll help!’ like, what the fuck are we doing, guys? however, i do remember one time i started having a panic attack, and my friend looked at me and held her hands up, then asked ‘can i touch you?’ which, like, just broke me out of it. i was so thankful that she asked to touch me instead of just doing it that i was immediately calmed down. she’s great.”

the emotions were a sudden flood, and you shook your head no. spencer sat still in his spot, respecting your decision. for some reason, this only prompted you to cry harder.

basic respect had you sobbing. this was fucking embarrassing. 

“i’m so sorry,” you said through tears, trying to explain yourself.

spencer was patient, and you knew he would wait for you to collect yourself. it was a small gesture but it really did mean the world to you. this meant not only did he listen to you when you were talking on set, but also that he watches the videos that you’re in. he wasn’t on that shoot, he had a con to go to. he wasn’t even in the state of california when you had said that. you had said that nearly a year ago, and he had watched the video when it came out. then committed that piece of you to memory.

“spencer?” you let out softly. “i have a question.”

your voice was small, almost upsettingly so. you didn’t mean to sound so timid, but projecting your voice when you’re feeling this many emotions was something you could only do in front of a camera or a live audience.

“yes?”

“how long have you known that you didn't… y’know. hate me?” you sighed, glad to have the weight of the question off of your shoulders, but worried about how heavy the answer might weigh on you. 

“i never hated you. i never even disliked you, y/n. i thought you were smart enough to figure that out.”

“are you negging me, babe?” you asked him, trying out the pet name. it felt nice, especially because you meant it. and because this time, you knew he wasn't being mean. he was just being spencer.

once again, spencer’s laugh graced your eardrums, and you knew you’d never tire of the way it made you feel. unstoppable. like if you could make spencer agnew laugh like this, you could do anything in the world. maybe even be brave.

“can i show you something that i've been working on?” you asked, your eyes trailing up to meet his, which were already fixated on you. as always. 

“of course.”

you grabbed your guitar, turning ever so slightly to the side. you didn't want to hide, but you also didn't want to be on full display. spencer understood your movement immediately; he looked down at his hands for a moment, silently reassuring you that it was okay, that you were safe.

it was refreshing to be understood by someone.

you plucked the chords you had burned into your brain at this point. you had written this song the evening of the hide and seek incident (trademark pending).

you let your eyes fall shut, playing from memory, as easy as 1-2-3. as you began the first verse, you dared to glance at spencer. he was looking at you, but through his periphery. still trying to give you that space, but unable to deny himself. it made you burn bright with pure, radiant joy. 

you glided into the chorus, your eyes fully open at this point. spencer had long since abandoned his resolve, and he was watching you intently. instead of being scared, or nervous, or overwhelmed, you just felt seen.

in every sense, you felt seen. he was looking at you, into you, and not through you. he was seeing your heart on your sleeve, stitched permanently on every cardigan you owned. he was seeing all of your emotions, all the anger, all the sadness. and he understood your emotions, because he had felt them, too. he had gone through it all, too.

how lucky you were, to be loved by someone so observant. and maybe it wasn't love yet, but you knew the potential was there. you knew, as you finished up the bridge and moved on to the outro, that the seed had been planted. you would be sure to water it diligently.

“can i kiss you?” spencer blurted out, as soon as the final note finished ringing out in the otherwise silent stage.

“always.” you met spencer halfway, another crashing, aching kiss. his hands immediately found your hair, as they always did. your arms fell around his shoulders, a loose hold. 

after a moment the kiss was less crashing and danger and speed, slowing naturally to a sensual pace. lightly pulling and pushing, his hands now gripping your hips. not angry, not painful. it was a tight grip, but it wasn't mean. it felt scared, almost, like if spencer didn't hold on to you, you’d be gone. 

you think you liked that feeling. the feeling that your partner wanted you all the time. 

you spent another hour lazily kissing, and ended up falling into a blissful sleep.

✰ .ᐟ

you woke up about an hour after you had crashed. you hadn't meant to, you were just so fucking relaxed and happy. with the way your sleep had been, you weren’t going to turn down a nap. 

spencer mumbled something, and you were suddenly hyperaware of the fact you were still in the office. you groaned, unintentionally.

“you okay, y/n?” your boyfriend – you loved that – asked, his voice soft and scratchy from the nap.

you smiled down at him. “yeah, sorry. i just realized we've only ever kissed at the office.”

you watched in amusement as the cogs turned in his head. “oh, jeez. well, that’s just unacceptable. hey, apropos of nothing, i'm out of kickstart. do you want to run to the corner store with me?” 

spencer held out a hand, as if to say ‘join me on this adventure?’ and you weren’t sure how you could decline his offer. 

♡

[ashwhowrites]

SO excited a fave is back!!!!

i was wondering if we could have some fwb angst to fluff with eddie? like eddie has been super vague about his feelings for r and shes super sad abt it but then he invites her over for valentines day and they have a cute date with a cute confession?

I hope this is what you wanted and you enjoy it. Thank you so much for requesting❤️

Valentine's Day

It was supposed to be a one-time thing, one night, and mean nothing. She and Eddie were only meant to cross the lines as best friends one time.

Only

One

Time

"Can I ask you something?" Y/N asked, fiddling with her fingers nervously. A few beers scattered on the floor, giving her the courage to ask.

Eddie nodded as he inhaled his cigarette, keeping his eyes on her. She sat across from him on his bed, the two were just spending a typical Friday night together. Something they always did.

"Have you ever had sex?"

Eddie coughed as he exhaled, not expecting his girl best friend to ask him something so personal. He blushed as he ashed out his cigarette.

"Um no," he mumbled embarrassed, "have you?"

Y/N was a little surprised he was still a virgin, but in a way, it comforted her. She felt embarrassed as she shook her head no, taking a swig of her drink as her throat got dry.

"Really? I'm surprised," Eddie mumbled, leaning over to grab her beer as he took a swig.

"What? Why?" She asked, her head turned to the side and Eddie thought about how cute she was.

He shrugged, passing her the beer. "I just find it hard to believe, that's all."

"Do you think I'm a slut or something?" She questioned a little hurt by his response.

He panicked, eyes wide as he waved his hands. "Of course not! It's just you are... attractive." He stumbled out, he wasn't sure if it was the embarrassment or the beer that made his body hot.

"Oh," she whispered, slightly smiling to herself. "I would say the same about you," Eddie swallowed harshly as she looked at him with batted eyelashes.

"You think I'm attractive?" Eddie chuckled

"Don't laugh!" She said as she smacked his arm. "You're handsome and I think everyone can see that."

"Handsome? What am I four? I wanna be smoking hot to the babes," Eddie smirked, placing his hands behind his head. Y/N stopped herself from staring at the way his arms bulged out in the new position.

She was pretty damn sure from this point the alcohol did all the talking. And that's where it got complicated.

"You are," she confessed, "trust me, we all think it."

Eddie had a big grin on his face as he sat up, leaning over so his face was closer to hers. "You all think I'm smoking hot? Including you?"

She didn't know but her words were making his heart race. He didn't care if he was hot to other girls, he wanted to be hot to her.

"Yes," she said as she shyly looked away but Eddie didn't let that happen. His finger rested under her chin as he pushed her head up.

"I think you're smoking hot too, baby," he whispered. She nibbled on her lip as she looked into his dark and intense brown eyes. Her stomach did flips when his eyes flashed down at her lips. "Why did you ask about sex?"

"I don't want to be a virgin anymore," she whispered honestly. The alcohol gave her no shame or boundaries. "And I'm too scared to do it with a random guy."

Eddie couldn't help but feel himself getting turned on by the idea. A teasing glint in his eyes made her nervous. He leaned in, his nose nudging hers as his finger stayed on her chin. She was so close to him that she could taste the beer and cigarette in his breath.

"Are you saying you want me to fuck you?"

She mindlessly whined, her body betraying her as she felt something between her thighs. She closed her eyes as she pictured it. His warm body was on top of hers as he made her feel things she'd never felt.

"Yes," she said with her eyes closed. Too scared to face the reality.

"Ask nicely," she could hear the teasing in his voice. Eddie always loved to pick on people and tease them to get them riled up. And she wasn't shocked he did the same thing in the bedroom.

She opened her eyes, and the nervousness she felt washed away as she remembered it was Eddie in front of her. No amount of his teasing was serious. He'd be gentle and he'd do anything she wanted.

"Will you please-" she couldn't even finish before he pushed her body against the mattress, and his lips landed on hers.

~

The morning after was so awkward and they didn't know how to act. It was silent the whole car ride to her house. It took days before either of them got the courage to talk. They realized they might have ruined their friendship for one night.

But the problem wasn't that the sex was bad that it made it impossible to see each other. It was that the sex was so damn good that they craved it.

Instead of talking it out and trying to resolve it, they ended up back up in bed together. Their relationship wasn't awkward in the sheets, her under him and calling out his name.

So that's how a friend with benefits came to be. It's been a hot few months and neither wanted it to end. But Y/N couldn't help but realize she was falling for him. She wished she could keep it as only sex but she wanted to kiss him whenever she wanted. She wanted his hand in hers at all times. She wanted to be claimed and to claim him.

But Eddie was very hard to read. He was so vague with his feelings unless it was during sex. She did try to talk about it but he got this uncomfortable look on his face and changed the subject. Unfortunately, she believed that was him telling her nothing more would happen.

Eddie noticed she was different during their pillow talk. Her eyes didn't hold the same passion, almost like her eyes got sad. She didn't look at him during sex much anymore, keeping her eyes closed as he tried to touch her back to life.

He wasn't sure what was going on but he was scared to ask. He didn't want to lose her like he almost did last time. So he figured it was best to do what they felt comfortable doing.

He wasn't aware that his cold feet were making Y/N want to change her mind.

~~~

Y/N pulled up to Eddie's trailer, a question on her mind and she was ready to demand an answer. She let herself in, heading to his bedroom.

The door was open as she looked in. He was scribbling in his notebook, looking up as he heard footsteps.

"Hey baby, what are you doing here?" He smiled

She ignored how beautiful he looked with his hair tied up. She sighed and moved to sit across from him, taking the small notebook out of his hands so she had all his attention. He watched silently, letting her do so.

"I want to talk about us," she said

"What about us?"

"What do you think we're doing?"

Eddie was confused, treading lightly. "Friends who enjoy sex together?"

"Is it just sex?" She asked. Her soft eyes stared into his as he fumbled for an answer. He wasn't sure what the right answer was.

"I don't know," he shrugged, "we haven't discussed how this works."

"Because you refuse, Eddie!"

"I just don't think we need to have a conversation about it! We like what's going on so what needs to change."

Y/N tried to hide her disappointment. He was fine with what they were and that's all she needed to know.

"You're right," she faked a smile.

Eddie felt relieved as she seemed to be fine. "Yeah? We're good?"

"Yes," she lied, leaning in to press her lips against his.

~

Eddie wasn't interested in becoming her boyfriend so she figured to look elsewhere. In the meantime, she could enjoy sweaty sex with Eddie, and find a rebound to fix her heart.

Luckily for her, a guy in one of her classes has been waiting for her to say yes to a date. Finally, she did.

"So how come this place?" Zack asked as they walked into the Hideout.

Y/N felt guilty for using the poor guy, but she wanted to punish Eddie for not wanting her. She wanted him to feel jealous and find out he did want her. Zack was a pawn and it was wrong, but she was out of ideas.

"One of my favorite places to hang out. Good music, drink and food," she explained. The two sat at a small booth after they ordered their drinks at the bar.

~

"No way, dude. Not interested," Eddie laughed as he and Gareth walked into the Hideout.

"Why? You already said that you and Y/N are still only sex," Gareth explained.

"Doesn't mean I want to get involved with another girl and create a mess," Eddie said heading to the bar. He sat on the stool and ordered a beer as Gareth sat next to him.

"Then what the hell are you doing? Fucking your best friend but won't date her. But also don't want to get involved with another girl."

"Why does sex immediately mean a relationship? I love Y/N but I don't know if I could be a good boyfriend. But what I am is a good friend and that's why I'm not going to sleep with her and then randomly go on a date with a girl. She'd be crushed," Eddie explained as he took a swig of his beer.

"Would you be crushed if she did it to you?" Gareth asked, his eyes looking past Eddie. Confused, Eddie turned around and felt his stomach drop.

"Is that Y/N?" Eddie asked, staring ahead. Y/N was sitting very close to a random guy, his arm thrown over her shoulder. "She's on a date." Eddie gulped.

"See a problem with it?" Gareth asked. It was clear Eddie wanted to be with her and Gareth was pretty sure Eddie wouldn't do it on his own without a push.

"A little," Eddie growled. Anger and jealousy filled his body as the boy scooted closer, his face getting close to hers. Before the boy could press his lips against hers, Eddie threw him out of the booth.

"Dude, what the hell?" Zack said as he stood up. Y/N looked at Eddie shocked, quickly getting out of the booth as she stood between the boys.

"Eddie, what is wrong with you!"

"Wrong with me? You were in my bed last night and now you're on a date with this loser?" Eddie growled as he puffed out his chest. His anger-filled eyes locked on the man behind her.

Y/N felt her cheeks burn in embarrassment. "Calm down and let's go talk."

Eddie followed her outside but nothing calmed the jealousy in his body. The door closed, and she went to speak, but Eddie didn't give her a chance. His tongue was in her mouth in seconds, she gasped as she melted into his touch.

She moaned into his mouth as he gripped her ass and took control of the kiss. Her head was spinning as her back found the brick wall of the bar, his body pressed against hers.

Even though she got lost in him, she gained her composure and shoved him off. "I said talk, Munson."

"I don't want to talk," he said against her lips, going to kiss her again but she shoved him off again.

"You never want to talk! It's only physical with you. I'm fucking done," she spat. She turned to go back to the bar but Eddie grabbed her arm.

"Done? Why are you mad at me? You're the one on a date," Eddie argued.

"Yes, I'm done. And I'm mad because I've given you so many chances to make this more. And you never once seemed interested. Now that someone else is interested you want to get jealous? Screw you." She fought. He didn't know this was what she wanted. She wanted a fight; she wanted him to fight for her, run after her, and beg for her.

"Fine," he said with a straight face. "You want whoever that dude is, go for it. But when you realize no one will touch you the way I do, don't bother calling."

She scoffed and rolled her eyes. "Oh please, Eddie. You only want sex, I can find that in anyone. But you can't find love in anyone. I'm not settling anymore."

Eddie felt the blow to his chest. Hurt that what they had was her settling. And he hated the idea of her finding sex with anyone. He pushed down his jealousy, prepared to say everything she needed to hear to say.

"I can give you love. And I'll prove it to you. But please don't leave with him," he begged. He moved closer, watching to see if she moved. When she didn't, he pressed his forehead against hers. His deep eyes bored into hers.

"One chance, Eddie. That's all I'm giving you," she sighed.

~

She did as he asked and went home alone. Her brain was exhausted from his back and forth she was fine to be alone. She wasn't sure if Eddie could give her the love she needed, but giving it a shot was worth it.

The next day she received a call from him asking her to stop by his trailer for dinner. She was nervous to see how it would go. They never were able to talk about whatever they had going on, and now she was going to find out the truth. It was Valentine's Day and she couldn't lie that she was thankful he didn't have another girl to spend the holiday with.

Could Eddie love her the way she wanted?

She took a deep breath as she walked into the trailer. She froze as the trailer was lit up in ways it never was before. Fairy lights along the walls and pink and red decorations hung up. Flower petals scattered along the floor.

"Eddie?" She called out moving into the trailer but he was nowhere to be seen. After calling his name, he came out of his bedroom, holding a single rose as he was dressed in dark jeans and a white button up.

She gulped as she took him in. He was insanely gorgeous and her stomach fluttered.

"Happy Valentine's Day," he said softly as he passed her the rose. She took the rose and smiled. He was close enough that she could smell his delicious cologne, see the sparkles in his eyes, and feel his shaky breath touch her face.

"Thank you," she whispered. Her nerves were building as the room felt thick. "What's all this?"

"You said I have one shot, and I'm going to put everything I got into this one chance," Eddie said. He gently grabbed her hand and walked her over to the couch. Snacks on the table, all her favorites.

"Eddie you don't have to do all of this. I just want to talk," she explained, "but this is all very beautiful."

"And I'm ready to talk and I'm going to be honest about everything. " His breath was shaky as he sighed. He kept his hand laced with hers. "After we had sex for the first time, it was awkward and we almost didn't know how to fix it."

She nodded along, that was true. She was terrified they messed everything up.

"But when we found ourselves in bed again, it was fixed. I wanted us to focus on the part we didn't struggle with. I knew whenever we were intimate that we would be us again. I almost lost you, and I'm terrified if we move forward, get into a relationship, and it falls apart. Then I'm losing you forever. And fuck, I can't lose you." Eddie explained, all his feelings on the table.

She gripped his hand as he seemed to be nervous. "Honestly, that all makes sense. I can understand why you didn't want to change what we knew was working. But Eddie, I fell for you. I didn't think that's what would happen and I was so scared I was going to fuck it up because I realized I love you. If we go down this route of only sex, we are going to lose each other because I'm going to end up heartbroken."

"So you want to be with me?" Eddie questioned

"Do you want to be with me? Could you fall in love with me?" She asked, biting her lip as she nervously waited for him to answer.

"Darling I already did,"

She smiled at his words, feeling the need to scream with excitement. "So ask me."

Eddie unlaced their hands, moving down to one knee as he dug into his pocket. Her eyes widened as she panicked. But felt relief when he pulled out a candy heart necklace.

"Y/N, will you be my Valentine and spend our first Valentine's Day together as my girlfriend?"

She smiled as she nodded her head, "I'd love nothing more."

Eddie smiled and tossed the necklace on the table, "Wait I want that!" She fought but Eddie grabbed her legs and yanked her to the edge of the couch.

"Yeah, later; right now, I want to taste my girlfriend and make up for all my stupid mistakes," he smirked as his hands ran up her thighs. She shivered under his touch and leaned down, her lips softly pressing against his.

@bmunson86 @mxcheese @ladymunson @michaelfuckinglangdon @z0mbie-blah @biittersweet @mirrorsstuff @somethingvicked @micheledawn1975 @ago-godance @magnificantmermaid @tlclick73 @hargrovesswifee @cityofidek @silky-luxe @lokiofasgard616 @loving-and-dreaming @eddiemunsonsbitch69 @ashlynnkennedy @strangerthingsstories5255 @harringt8ns @pleasinghellfire @whoscamila @stusdollface93 @gretavankleep37 @bellaisswagger @arlxt @ineedmentalhelp123 @emxxblog

[melodyreads]

can u write a fic of reader doing a we listen and we don’t judge video for her channel with hamzah but all of hers all really messed up lies (she tells him it’s a prank and they make up)

We Listen, And We Don’t Judge (Until We Do)

a/n: I love this idea! Thank you so much for the request, I hope you enjoy <3

---

You adjust the camera, making sure the frame is just right before hitting the record. "Hey guys! I'm sure from the video title you could tell what we're playing... "We Listen, And We Don’t Judge!" you announce with a bright smile. "I had to jump on the trend, and today, I have a special guest…"

Hamzah raises a hand awkwardly, clearing his throat. "Hey, everyone… uh, yeah. I’m here. To listen. And not judge."

You and Hamzah sat on the couch of your apartment as the boy shifted uncomfortably next to you. While you had both planned to have a chill night in, Y/n convinced him to make a video on her TikTok account before they went out to get the food. Little did he know, she had something up her sleeve.

You grin mischievously. "Perfect. Let's get into it."

"We listen, and we don't judge," you both say in unison, humor lacing your tone as Hamzah gives you a quizzing look.

The first ‘confession’ pops into your mind as you say aloud. "I only pretend to like my best friend’s boyfriend, but I actually think he’s the worst person ever.’"

Hamzah tilts his head. "Wow, that’s rough... so are you just trying to be supportive?"

You bite your lip, trying to hold back a smirk. "Yeah… but, that's just how I feel you know?"

Hamzah frowns slightly. "What do you mean?"

You shrug. "You know… sometimes people just tolerate others."

He chuckles uncertainly. "You don’t mean… me, right?"

You quickly move on, continuing on to the next lie, "Okay, next one—‘I only pretend to laugh at my friend's jokes because I don't want to hurt their feelings, but honestly, they’re not funny at all.’"

Hamzah shifts beside you, his jaw tightening. "That’s… kinda mean Y/n. I mean, you should just be real."

You glance at him. "Yeah. I guess I kinda just do it to not hurt their feelings."

His face falls, just a little. "Wait. You pretend to laugh at my jokes?"

You clear your throat, pretending to move on again. "Okay, next one! ‘I once told someone I loved them, but I didn’t mean it. I just didn’t want to be alone.’"

The room goes eerily silent. Hamzah looks at you, really looks at you, and his expression darkens. "...What?"

You try to laugh it off. "I mean, haven’t we all said things we didn’t fully mean?"

Hamzah leans back, his face unreadable now. "Wow. I—uh. I don’t know what to say to that."

For the first time, guilt creeps in. His usual easygoing nature is gone, replaced by something guarded. You press your lips together, suddenly regretting pushing it this far.

"Hamzah, I—" You became acutely aware of the awkward tension. "It’s a prank."

He blinks. "What?"

You force a nervous chuckle. "It’s a prank! None of these are real. I made them all up. I just wanted to see how you'd react."

Hamzah stares at you for a long moment before shaking his head. "Right. A prank."

You reach for his arm, but he pulls back slightly. Not dramatically—just enough that you feel it.

You winced. "Hamzah, I swear, I didn’t mean any of that. It was just for the video."

He runs a hand down his face and exhales. "Yeah, okay. Whatever."

You frown. "Are you mad?"

He shrugs, avoiding your gaze. "No, just… I don’t know. You really sold it, I guess."

Your stomach twists. "Hamzah, come on. You know I’d never say anything like that for real."

He finally looks at you, eyes softer but still a little distant. "Yeah. I know. But it still kinda sucked to hear."

You swallow hard, guilt settling deep in your chest. "I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you, okay? No more pranks like this."

He offers a small, tired smile. "Yeah. That’d be nice."

You turn back to the camera with significantly less enthusiasm. "Alright, guys, uh… maybe don’t emotionally damage your friends for content."

Hamzah forces a chuckle, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. "Yeah. Solid advice."

You stop recording, but the following silence is heavier than you expected.

After a moment, you sigh and scoot closer to him. "Hamzah, I really am sorry. I didn’t think it would hit you like that."

He stays quiet for a beat before finally meeting your gaze. "It just… made me wonder, you know? What if you actually felt that way about me?"

You reached for his hand, squeezing it gently. "I don’t. Not even a little bit. You’re my favorite person. I’d never fake anything with you."

His lips twitch into a small smile, more real this time. "Your favorite person? Even with my terrible jokes?"

You laugh. "Especially with your terrible jokes."

He finally relaxes, shaking his head. "Alright. I forgive you. But you owe me—big time."

You grin. "Deal. I’ll buy you dinner and let you pick the movie tonight."

Hamzah sighs dramatically. "Fine. But I’m not picking a movie, we're watching all of "XO Kitty" tonight.

You lay your head back on the couch dramatically. "Ugh... I did that to myself, didn’t I?"

He chuckles, this time a real one, "Yeah. But I’ll allow it."

---

a/n: I was going to go off script and end it on an angsty note, but I honestly don't think I could give you guys a bad ending. I hope you liked this!

[muwapsturniolo]

IN WHICH.....A young troubled mind, lost and searching for belonging, finds solace in a group that seems to offer her a sense of purpose. Over time, however, she begins to uncover unsettling truths, realizing their intentions may not be as innocent as they first appeared.

WARNINGS..... mentions of psychiatric hospitals, depression, water/electroshock therapy. mentions of cigarettes, alcohol, throwing up. mentions of verbally abusive parents. IF I FORGOT ANYTHING PLEASE LET ME KNOW

dividers by @bernardsbendystraws

Dear Diary, I don't know what day it is...I think it's spring. The air feels nice, it doesn't smell like chemicals or shit. The sun feels warm as well, a big difference from the cold walls of the psychiatric center. They wouldn't give me my clothes back, so I'm sitting on one of the benches outside in the hospital gowns. They treat you like shit in there, but at least they had the decency to give me a blanket so my bare ass isn't parked on this bench. I'm currently waiting for Heather to pick me up. The hospital allowed me one phone call since my parents told them they couldn't pick me up, who knows if they actually even wanted to, but that's beside the point. I called Heather, and she was quick to agree to pick me up, she seemed excited. Speaking of Heather, I think I see her car coming down the road.

I put my pen in the crevice of the diary and close it shut, standing up as the beat-up beetle comes to a screeching halt. I watch as Heather scrambles out of the car, her sandy brown locks bouncing freely in the warm air. She's always been a pretty and carefree girl. She was slim, had green eyes, and a face full of freckles to show she was kissed by the sun.

She squeals as she pulls me into a hug, holding me tightly and bouncing up and down. I wasn't much for physical affection, but it felt wrong not to hug her after so long.

"I missed you Heather...." I mumble into her shoulder, clenching my eyes shut. She pulls away and gives me a sad but thoughtful smile, "I missed you too, crazy girl."

The rolling of my eyes makes her throw her head back and laugh, her hands never leaving my shoulders. "Come on, I bet you're tired of this place! Let's go!"

We rush to the car and climb in, not even bothering to buckle our seatbelts before flying off. It was only a few miles away from the hospital when Heather finally turned to me, a look of curiosity in her eyes.

"Sooo...what's up?"

I raise an eyebrow at the question, "Uhh, the sky?" She scoffs and looks back at the empty road. I could tell she was thinking about how to reword her question, possibly scared about being invasive. I don't see how she would be, I wasn't even allowed to shower alone in the hospital, eyes and ears always following you and listening.

I reach into her glove compartment and pull out her cigarettes and a lighter, immediately popping one in my mouth and sparking it. After a strong inhale of the cancer and a cough later, I turn to her.

"If you're asking how I am up here-" I tap my head a few times, "- It's all good. I mean, water and electroshock therapy gets you right after a few tries."

I take another hit of the cigarette before letting my hand rest out the window. "But honestly, I'm ok...I think? I don't even really know what was wrong with me to begin with. My parents wrote me off as crazy and a delinquent...Crazy is a bit much, but delquient would be correct. I don't know if those qualities in myself are fixed, considering I've been locked up in that place for god knows how long, so we will see how I turn out once I've 'adjusted' to being in the real world again..."

I found myself rambling, my thoughts a bit jumbled. It's been a long time since I've had the chance to talk to someone who wouldn't judge me. It's almost like I forgot how to think without being scared.

"Nothing was wrong with you, you just have a carefree spirit, and that scares people. Your parents are old folk and boring, the life we live damn near gives them heart attacks, so to hell with what they think!" I chuckle at her optimistic mindset.

That's how Heather has always been - Be the man, fuck the system.

"Enough about me and my time in the looney bin, catch me up. What have I missed?"

Apparently, I missed a lot, considering the way she immediately started to ramble.

The deli on Swanson burned down, Kirk got arrested for burning it down, a new record store opened near the library, Amber was cheating on Dylan with his older brother Shane, Miss. Jackson our English teacher from 7th grade died, and a bunch more.

However, the thing that shocked me the most was her parents dying. She said it so nonchalantly that I almost missed it. "Woah, wait, wait, wait! Your parents died? Heather, what the fuck? Oh my god, are you ok? What happened?"

"I was out with some friends, and when I came home, they were dead. Someone had broken in and killed them, stole all the money and shit too." It's odd how she brushes this off as if it was nothing. Although Heather got into a lot of trouble, her parents loved her. They never berated her like mine did or shunned her for her actions, they just kept loving her, hoping her ways would eventually change as she got older.

"Jesus Heather, I'm so sorry. I wish I could have been there for you." she waves me off, shooting me a soft smile.

"It's fine really... It happened a month after you were sent away. I know you would have been there for me, but I've been fine. I had an amazing group of people to help me through it."

I nod and rub her shoulder, "Good, I'm glad you had people to help you out."

"Honestly, I think you would like them! They are really nice and open to any and everything. We live out like an hour away on a commune, and it's just... Peaceful. There is no bullshit, no assholes, everyone feels like family...I love it a lot, and I think you would too."

I can't help the laugh that escapes my mouth, "A commune? You guys live off the land and sing kumbaya?" It's evident my laughter and joking rub Heather the wrong way, the way she hits my shoulder and glares at me tells me that much.

"Stop it! They are really nice people, and I love them! they're like family to me, and I don't appreciate you making fun of them or the life we live because you're too fucking-" She cuts herself off, getting quiet as she realizes the harshness of her tone.

"Finish what you were going to say Heather." She remains quiet, a look of regret on her face. I sigh and face forward, watching the scenery pass us by. It wasn't long before her hand found it's way to my thigh, squeezing it gently as a form of apology.

"I-I'm sorry for getting so defensive. I know you weren't trying to be harsh or degrading, you were just joking around... I-I just get protective over them. I meant what I said when I mentioned them being like family to me. They took me in and took care of me..."

Silence follows for a moment before I intertwine our fingers, finally turning towards her.

"I get it, and I'm sorry for joking about this... family, you found yourself joining. I'm happy you have people to take care of you after your parents." She gives me a small smile before looking back at the road.

"Did you want to maybe meet them? Or possibly come stay with us? I really think you would like it, especially after the hospital."

I sigh and rest my head on the window, "No, it's fine...I think I just want to go back to my parents and settle down."

"Your parents? But they are the ones who threw you in that damn looney bin! They have always treated you like shit! I don't think you should go back, they aren't going to do anything besides make you out to be the bad guy and try to put you back in that shit hole as quick as they can!"

That's something I've always loved about Heather, she always stuck up for me. It didn't matter if I was wrong or right, or even if it was against my parents.

She was a natural-born fighter - something I wish I could be.

"It's fine Heather...I can handle it."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

Turns out I would soon regret those words.

We pulled into my parents' driveway, my nerves bad. I could feel the sweat forming in the palms of my sweaty hands. This house always seemed scary to me, from the time we moved in, to the time I was dragged out of my bed in the middle of the night and thrown into a truck.

It had horrible memories, ones I've managed to block out since I was young.

"You know you don't have to do this, right?"

I ignore Heather's words and climb out of the car, making my way up the cobblestone path and to the front door. I debate grabbing the spare key that's tucked away under one of the potted plants, but I'd rather not get into an argument with my parents right away. I sigh out and ring the doorbell, hoping they would answer.

To my luck, they do, both my mother and father.

It's comical how they look me up and down, almost as if they are shocked to see me. I notice my mother's judgmental eyes looking past me and at Heathers car.

"No hi or hello? No hugs?" I ask in a joking manner, holding my arms up and out for dramatic effect. My father looks at me with a glare that causes me to put my arms down.

"What are you doing here?" My mother's words cause me to frown in confusion. "I got out today... The hospital called you all to come pick me up, and they said you couldn't...."

"No, we said we weren't picking you up because we want nothing to do with you."

My stomach churned at the harsh words thrown at me, but deep down, I knew something like this was going to happen.

"What so I'm being disowned?"

"That's exactly what's happening. You're a disgrace, an embarrassment, a damn lunatic! You've been nothing but trouble since you were born!"

I stare at them with harsh eyes, my hands clenched into fists, but I refrain from saying anything. There was no point in arguing with them, I learned that a long time ago.

"You are a pest! A damn parasite that we wished we never had! You've done nothing but be a burden and a damn freak! We don't love you, we never have and never will! You're not allowed under this roof, and if you come back, the cops will be called!"

Their words hurt, but i refuse to show them that.

"You know what? Fine. I'll leave, I'll drop off the face of the earth so that way you two can pretend to be one big happy family with no daughter. But I'm only going to ask you for one thing, let me grab some clothes."

My father goes to tell me no, but I interrupt him, "I need clothes. I'm about to be homeless because of you two. The least you can do is let me grab clothes."

"Fine, but be quick. We don't want you here any longer than you need to be," I shove past them silently, marching right to my room. I reach underneath my bed and grab an old duffel bag. I don't even think about the clothes I'm grabbing, simply reaching into my closet and dressers and just shoving things in there.

I pack as much as I can, as well as some sanitary products. Eventually, I change into a pair of jeans, a random shirt, and a jacket, slipping on some gym shoes, and walking out of the room. I stop in the doorway and look over my shoulder, my eyes glazing over in the safe haven I used to call a bedroom.

"You need to leave."

My mother's voice flows through my ears, and I clench my fists once more. I storm back out of the house and turn towards the sperm donors I used to call my parents.

"I hope the two of you die a long and horrible death. Fuck both of you!"

I could tell my words shocked them, they're used to me never speaking back to them or cursing them out.

I storm back over to Heather's car and climb in, throwing my bag in the back seat. "I assume it didn't go we - Just shut up and drive Heather!" I bark, running my hands through my hair. Eventually, I feel the car move, the wheels meeting the concrete street before the negative energy of the house dissipates.

I can feel my whole body shaking as I hold back the emotions that want to escape, my fingers gripping at my roots harshly.

"Let it out...."

Heather's words set off a bomb inside of me, an ear-piercing scream leaving my mouth. My tears stream freely, burning my eyes in the process. My hands slam against the dashboard in anger, "I hate them! I hate them! I hate them so fucking much!"

"They've always treated me like shit!"

"They were horrible parents!"

"I wish they were dead!"

"What did I do to deserve this?"

My explosive tantrum dwindles down as Heather pulls into the lot of a convenience store, parking in a spot closest to the door. She says nothing as she climbs out of the car and walks into the store, coming out a few minutes later with a bag.

She climbs back in the car and pulls a bottle of alcohol out of the bag, "You seem like you need it."

I eye the bottle with sore eyes, breathing harshly. I shouldn't drink it, whatever meds they gave me this morning in the hospital are still in my system, but I don't care anymore. I snatch the bottle and quickly open it, taking a big gulp.

The all too familiar feeling of my throat burning brings a sense of comfort, my body immediately begging to feel warm. I pull the bottle away from my lips and gag, " I forgot how strong this shit is."

Heather laughs before lighting a cigarette and handing it to me, "Have your fun loca, you're finally free."

I'm free.

I'm free.

I take another sip of alcohol before looking at Heather, "Do you think if I show up drunk to the commune, they'll hate me?"

She squeals in excitement hearing that I'll go to the commune, "They'll love you!"

With that, she pulls out of the parking spot, rolling the windows down and flying down the street like we used to do. I reach forward and turn the radio on, raising the volume of the music. The familiar intro to our favorite song comes on, both of us screaming loudly.

"All the leaves are brown, and the sky is grey!"

I was drunk out of my mind when we arrived at the commune, stumbling out of the car and falling into the wet patch of grass to throw up. I don't remember much after that besides Heather leaving me alone to grab help, a pair of arms eventually wrapping around my body and picking me up.

I could feel my body floating as I stared up at the night sky, the stars shining big and bright due to the lack of lights in the rural area.

It was a beautiful sight.

The floating feeling soon felt like I was on a cloud, a warm cloud. Not long after, I could feel my eyelids dropping, sleep taking over me.

The next three days were depressing.

I remember waking up the day after my arrival feeling sluggish and sad. Maybe it was the hangover. I haven't had alcohol in, I don't know how long.

Maybe it was the realization that I was truly alone. I had no home, no family, nothing to call my own. Heather had come into the room multiple times to check on me, asking me how I was feeling and trying to coax me out of the room to meet everyone - I declined.

I didn't feel like meeting these new people. Getting out of this random bed seemed like the end of the world, it made a pit form in my stomach.

I felt the same unease and sadness from my first night in the psych ward.

The second day was filled with me crying in darkness, curling up into a fetal position, and letting my sadness show to no one but myself. It wasn't a good feeling, but I don't know if I ever truly felt good. My whole life was spent with me walking on eggshells around my parents, constant beratement, and getting up to no good to feel something.

I was chasing a feeling I would never know.

The third day was filled with silence, my mind shutting off as I stared at the wooden wall in front of me. I didn't feel like doing anything besides wallowing in my own sadness, but that all changed with three knocks on a door.

I thought it was Heather, so I didn't answer. I assumed it was her room anyway, so there was no point in me telling her to come in. However, I was wrong, the person knocked once again, three more times.

The thought of getting out of bed felt like the end of the world, but I managed to do so. My footsteps were sluggish, my feet dragging against the wooden floor. I crack the door open slightly, and I come face to face with a pair of blue eyes and a warm smile.

"You've been in here for three days."

I say nothing, simply looking down at the door handle. He doesn't let the silence between us stay long, opening his mouth to speak once more.

"I'm Christopher, but everyone here calls me Chris...I uhh, I helped you to bed when you arrived. You were pretty drunk; you should learn to handle your liquor."

I go to close the door, not wanting to hear him speak anymore, but he stops me, his hand preventing the door from closing.

"Hold on a second, I know you're going through some things. Heather told us that you were, but she never specified. We could hear you crying all day yesterday, and a few of us are worried."

"Why be worried about someone you don't know?"

My voice was raspy, all the crying and screaming I'd been doing clearly doing damage to my vocal cords.

He drops his hand from the door and gives me a smile that makes every joint in my body relax.

"Because on this commune, we care about each other....Why don't you come out for dinner? I know you must be starvin', you haven't eaten in the three days you've been here."

He could tell I was going to turn him down, his smile faltering before quickly going back in place. " Come on, you don't have to do it for Heather or any of us. Do it for yourself. You deserve to have some type of comfort."

Comfort.

I deserve comfort.

I deserve.

I've never been told I deserve something nice, I've only been told I deserve nothing in life.

His words bring me a sense of peace, something I never truly felt. I hesitantly nod, muttering out a soft "ok".

"Perfect...Heather will be in to fetch ya for dinner. Trust me, you'll like it here!"

and so I did.

I went to dinner, everyone in the commune sitting outside on long picnic tables. Oddly, it reminded me of school, but it was different. There were no cliques, there were no lunch monitors, it looked liked one big family dinner.

Everyone was laughing and talking, sharing food and drinks, some people were even singing songs. The atmosphere was carefree, but I still felt nervous.

What if I made a fool of myself crying so loud? What if they don't like me?

Before I could turn to Heather and tell her I'm going back to her room, an arm was thrown over my shoulder, and I was pulled into someone's side.

"I see the pretty girl made it-" his words cause my cheeks to warm, catching me completely off guard. Before I could question his choice of words, he shoves a tray of food in front of me, motioning towards it.

"Help yourself. I don't know what you like, so I grabbed a little bit of everything for you. Don't worry about how it tastes, the kitchen is pretty good at what they do."

I look down at the food, and I can feel my stomach rumble. There's chicken, mashed potatoes, corn, broccoli, and even a huge slice of cake.

"Thanks...I appreciate it." My words are soft, a clear indication that his actions meant a lot.

They did mean a lot, I've never been cared for like this.

He sends me a soft smile and pats my thigh, "S'no problem, pretty. Now eat, your food is going to get cold."

The rest of the dinner is filled with everyone, including myself eating and making small talk.

It was a different setting that I wasn't used to and yet, I felt so at peace

Heather managed to introduce me to a few people, everyone being so warm and inviting, telling me they were happy I was here. A smile I didn't know that was on my face never swayed, almost being permanent.

Sometime throughout dinner, clapping was heard, everyone immediately going silent. I turn to Heather in confusion, only to see her looking at someone with heart eyes. I follow her line of sight and see a man standing up.

From a distance, he looked pretty tall, with fluffy dark brown hair that was a bit long but not too much. He had a bit of facial scruff as well, highlighting his sharp jawline. Even though we were a decent feet away from him, I could see his striking facial features that matched Chris.

His eyes were a bright blue, but they seemed dark - It was unsettling.

"I hope everyone is enjoying dinner?" His voice booms through the air, goosebumps rising along my skin. It reminded me of my father's voice, deep and holding no room for disobedience.

I turn to Heather, whispering softly in her ear.

"Who is that?"

"Hush and listen!" I frown at the way she dismissed my question but continue to listen to him speak.

"Make sure to thank the kitchen for their work. They always put love and care into their job. Now, I'm under the impression we have a few new faces that have joined our family this week?"

My stomach drops at his words, a few people turning to look at me. I rub my sweaty palms together, anxiously fiddling with my hands.

"Could all of the newcomers please stand?"

I planned to stay seated, but with the way Heather turned to me, it felt like I didn't have a choice.

I jump feeling a hand on my back, "Stand up, it'll be ok." I turn and see Chris looking at me with encouragement and reassurance. I swallow harshly and slowly rise to my feet, trying to ignore the multiple pairs of eyes on me.

"Welcome to our home. I know many of you have come from all walks of life. Maybe you experienced something traumatic, or maybe you're just searching for...Searching for something freeing. I hope we can be the peace and tranquility that you need. I want you all to know there's no judgment here, we don't define you by your actions. All I ask, we ask as a family, is that you don't judge us, you do your part, and you find yourself..."

Despite the unsettling feeling in my stomach, his words moved me.

My whole life, I've heard from my family that I'm nothing but my mistakes, they never let me forget it. I wasn't able to make an honest mistake and come back from it, once I made that mistake, it was over from there.

To hear that these people, this random group of strangers, wouldn't define me by my actions... It was freeing. It confused me, but it brought me an odd sense of peace.

"I hope you all enjoy your night, feel free to indulge in freedom."

Everyone jumps back into dinner, continuing their talk and laughter. As the man goes to walk away, we make brief eye contact. He sends me a smile before turning away, and starting to walk away from the group dinner.

I'm snapped out of my daze by Heather yanking me back down, immediately starting to ramble about who knows what.

Eventually, dinner finishes and Heather mentions something about helping out the kitchen with dishes, taking my tray along with a few others, and stacking them. My instincts tell me to offer help, not wanting to look like I'm mooching off of this makeshift family.

Before I could even offer my help, Chris placed a hand on my thigh. I look down at his hand before looking up at him, finding him closer than before.

"Did you want to take a walk with me before you go to bed?"

I'm sure I look stupid with the way I freeze, my mouth opening and closing like a fish. "She'd love to. Maybe you guys should walk by the lake?" My head snaps to Heather who looks nothing but supportive of the proposal.

I knew what she was doing, she was playing matchmaker. She had always done this, setting me up on multiple dates so I wouldn't be alone when she was out with her many boy toys. It never went well for me, the boys were assholes, or somehow I messed it up.

I go to deny the offer, not wanting to get involved with a boy so soon after everything that has happened to me, but I'm left with no choice when Chris guides me up from my seat.

"Come on, promise I won't keep you up for long."

He guides me away from the group, his hand wrapped in mine as we walk along the dusty dirt road. Eventually, we go off trail, his body ahead of mine as he pulls me through some trees.

"Where are we going?"

"Somewhere special."

It was special.

It was a lake, a beautiful lake.

The moonlight illuminated the dark waters, showing the small ripples due to the soft wind. I could make out some wildflowers growing along the edge, as well as cattails swaying in the wind.

I feel calm, the lake-scented air filling my nostrils, making me inhale deeply and close my eyes.

"You look good."

My eyes fly open, and I turn to Chris, "huh?"

"I said you look good...I should say calm. You just look more at peace from earlier." He sits down in the grass, motioning for me to follow. I settle down next to him, our knees touching as we sit crisscross.

We sit in silence for a few minutes, enjoying the peaceful scenery in front of us.

I decided to break the silence with a question.

"Who was that guy who spoke at dinner? He looked like you." He chuckles and begins picking at the grass, "Well, I would hope he looks like me, we are triplets after all. His name is Matthew, but everyone calls him Matt. Our other brother is Nick, he wasn't at dinner."

I hum in curiosity, I've never met triplets before. "Is he like...in charge or something?'

"Who, Matt or Nick?"

"Matt."

He clears his throat before nodding, "Yeah, he is. Matt organized this whole commune due to...due to something happening in our life. We decided to create our own family. Nick is second in command, I guess you could say. He just helps Matt out with the important stuff."

"So where does that leave you?" I question softly.

"Third in command. My job is to make sure everyone settles in nicely and to just make sure everyone is ok."

A part of me feels let down by his words. I know it would be too soon for him to find any interest in me, but I was starting to think he was taking a liking to me. He was nice and was already attentive, showing me the grace that I've never received from anyone but Heather.

I look away from him and back at the rippling waters, "Well, that's nice of you...I'm sure everyone is grateful to have a friendly face guiding them around."

"Yeah well, I don't give everyone the same attention I'm giving you. So there might be some jealousy rising soon."

His words make my heart skip a beat, my face tilting down as my cheeks warm, my coils falling in my face. Suddenly, I begin to feel drowsy, my eyes getting tired and the muscles in my body feeling loose.

I don't remember much after that, I'm not sure if we stayed by the lake longer or if he helped me back to the room.

All I know is that I felt good.

Like i finally found the thing I've been searching for since I was 7 years old.

[krowoftherealm]

recently, ros makes me so frustrated because like GIRL OH MY GOD. PLEASE.

she talked about how she's frustrated with the way the kingdom dealt with the owen situation but like ROS QUEEN PLEASE COMMUNICATE THAT TO THEM OMG !!!!!!!! TALK TO THEM !!!!!!! TALK TO YOUR FACTION !!!!!!!!!!

i get it's hard to communicate your mind sometimes, i get that it's hard to put your thoughts into words and i get that they might not understand you fully, but, ros, queen without even trying you'll never know??? and also you do have people who understand and listen to you??? remember the way sneeg and clown talked to you when you left the yellow bc of owen??? they let you speak and listened to you? and understood you?????? and were pretty much on the same page with you about "that guy is horrible and needs to die"????

it's so sad to see her not ask the kingdom for help either. ros, queen, ASK THEM to get you blocks and help you with builds, ASK THEM to fix your gear, you're not asking for too much, that's why those people are here!!!! they are your faction, they are supposed to help you! and if you don't tell them, how are they supposed to know?

there's so much going on in her head right now, i can see it, and honestly, she just needs a break man. a vacation. like, turn off in-game chat type of one, just go thousands of blocks away and do whatever she wants to. preferably, with somebody she really trusts tho. isolating herself will only make things worse.

speaking of trust, i also think ros needs to sort out her mind on people she trusts and tells things to, for her own sake and for the sake of the kingdom. i remember she had a book where she listed good and bad things about different people, right? what happened to it? /genq she really needs to continue that, honestly, or maybe even start over. i think remembering things and writing them down can help her a lot with understanding who's worth her trust.

i honestly hope she faces some consequences for her own decisions. i think that's the only way she'll learn to be more careful with who she considers friends. because like i understand that she wants to be nice to everyone and expects people to do the same in return, but being friendly to people ≠ being friends with them. and sometimes ros is way too kind and forgiving.

today's conversation she had with aimsey genuinely made me crash out. like girl what do you MEAN. sneeg and clown spent hours listening to you. yes, they offered solutions as a result, but isn't that what's supposed to happen? you have a problem, you go talk to somebody, they listen to you and help you solve it? or does ros want to just sit there talking circles with aimsey, bad and pangi and never get rid of the source of what makes her talk to them in the first place? genuinely confused about this specific point about her character lowkey like ??? what ???? this literally doesn't make any sense man.

and even if you want them to be more emotional with you or honestly talk to you about something, just ask them? talk to them! people can't read your mind, ros. sneeg is here basically every day, but he can't be around the castle all the time, he's a grinder and builds huge insane machines, he obviously can't build them near spawn bc they will be messed with all the time. just shoot him a message if you need anything or just go visit him, ros. he expressed countless times how he wants to be included and how he's frustrated that he's never around when things are happening, so he wouldn't mind!

a bit of /crit towards ros' character decisions under the cut so skip if you don't want to read!!

it is genuinely sad to see her not recognize clown and sneeg's work in full. like she does see that they care, but in a way she doesn't? as if she's forgetting/ignoring some things they've done for her. sneeg literally spent 2 hours listening to ros and supporting her not only with practical solution, but emotionally as well when the whole thing with owen happened. clown, although he's not a guy of many words, spent countless hours listening to her and helping her too. again, yes, they are more practical solution oriented, but, again, it's that what's supposed to happen? not going to elaborate much more here, i'm going to make some references to the way losa treats ros in my aimros post that i'm workng on rn (god give me strength to finish it).

it is true that aimsey, bad and pangi will notice that something is up first and bring that up to ros instead of her needing to reach out. and this one is a really frustrating one because like. sneeg is not around spawn most of the time because of the way he plays, how is he supposed to assume that something's up unless ros or somebody else tells him so? clown isn't around all that much, which he has his reasons to, he can't know either unless ros tells him. it's like an ooc reason for ros' in-character frustrations and it's very sad to see because you really can't do anything about it.

also, the "oh the men are just like this" about sneeg and clown being less emotional and more practical in solving ros' problems was like... so unnecessary? like, genuinely. i love a good "men amiright" joke myself but this fels like... fully serious? and then ros goes on to list badboyhalo and pangi as people who besides aimsey also support her emotionally? like huh???? what???? i hope it was just another sponge ros moment where she didn't really think about what she's saying and was just like "oh aimsey hates men! i'm going to say this then!" because if not, i have some Questions.

i think cc!ros said recently that she doesn't have a plan or anything like that for her character bc she didn't think she'd play this much on this server and that's why tr!ros is kinda all over the place. so i really hope she does come up with one soon because it's getting a bit frustrating to watch her character just walk in circles with no progression at all :(

[sunrisecaminus]

Heya! Anon here I just discovered you and you're really really good at writing, so hear me out on my request megatron please with human female reader who kidnapped her and became the assistant in the lab she's beautiful and has big brown eyes, black hair olive tanned skin and freckles and she thinks she's ugly or basic but she damn pretty and wears the hoodie to hide l( I'm writing these features BC they're mine,I was bullied since I was a kid and felt insecure about them ,I talked about it with my friends and family at the dinner table and they said it was a lie and I'm beautiful I ended up crying and got confidence for the first time, I know this is a big fat ass request but feel free) I would like it to be comfort and nsfw thank you and take your time:3

Message - I like the idea, but I usually don't like describing specific details/characteristic on the reader, because I want the fics to be for everyone to imagine themselves or whoever they want in the scenario. I still kept the jacket, but I didn't specify the colors. Hopefully it is still a good fic and enjoy :3

Megatron x Human Reader NSFW

Summary - Megatron treats his human pet to make them feel better about themselves even if they think their ugly.

Warnings - NSFW

Type of Fanfic - Hurt/Comfort/NSFW

Being an assistant for Shockwave was pretty weird. Everyday he would have you do something really important, but than next he would just have you clean the floors. You were really good at helping him grab things that is too small, while also finding details he missed (which is very rare he says XD). It was nice to be able to do things around the ship that was useful, but there was one thing keeping you from being the best. Your confidence was so low, it could be down in the earths crater. You always wore a j/c (jacket color) that covered your hair and a bit of your face. You didn't like how you look and your body wasn't any different. You had a few spots on your body that you thought was fine, but other than that, you hated how you looked from head to toe. These bots weren't emotionless creatures, so not only you have to deal with the beauty standards of Earth, but also you need to figure out if you were beautiful on, what the mechs would call, Cybertron. Should you ask? No! Do you know how embarrassing it would be to ask these people? Knockout might be a good person to talk to about it, but he seems like a mean girl and call you ugly, which you don't need to be reminded. Soundwave could be a nice person to talk to, but you always thought he talked shit about people with that quiet aura and mask that covered his face. You were also kind of jealous these mechs had a fashion choice to cover their entire faceplate, you freaking wish humans would do that.

Megatron has grown fond of you, it has been a few weeks when he told you that you were is personal pet. Now you are visited by him for reports which was odd because shockwave did most of the reports. Megs surprisingly was one of the only ones that asked for your opinion on things he doesn't know too much about, and it was nice to be able to listen to him about his past. Being a part of his life would never be boring, and you would honestly like to watch Cybertron be rebuilt and live there. Society has done you so wrong that you wish to start on a new planet and see what happens. You haven't told Megatron any of your thoughts on this, you honestly believe he would hate a human wanting to come and be on their planet. You don't know any of the language or culture, so it would be horrible for a human unless they studied at least one of their languages. It has been a while, but Megatron has taught you a bit of Kaonian which was nice. It sounded like a strong and proud language, which was the exact opposite of you. Everything you repeated in the Kaonian language was hard, because you had to be a bit loud with it and sound more confident then your shy, soft tone of voice. You mess everything up in your mind, Megatron has been a bit disappointed lately and you knew it was because you couldn't say things right and never was able to get the accent down.

Today you had been cleaning Shockwave's tools when you see the clock, showing it was time to head to your bedro-shit they call it birth room. You had to write the terms down a few days ago and it was easy to study on most of them. Grabbing your bag, you head over to Shockwave and told him you were going back to your quarters for the night. He agreed and lets you leave. Today has not been too busy, so it gave you time to think about stuff. It was so hard to get the tiny thoughts out of your head, repeating to you all the negative things you tell yourself. Everyday goes by, increasing your regret on not going to the doctors and getting medication to shut your brain up. Opening the door, you find yourself with the massive room they have for you. You had a ramp that when up to the birth, so you walk up it and set your bag down. It has been so long since you have touched the dirt of your planet, but honestly would you even want to? The horrible things that go on can't be helped by someone like you. No one would care if you just left this planet for good…ok maybe your parents. They are probably worried sick about you, trying to look all over Jasper. You have been trusted by Megatron for you to sneak in the house when they were at work to write them a letter about your ware abouts.

Speaking of Megatron, you hear familiar footsteps walking over to your door as some knocking is heard. "Are you awake, pet?" Megatron was waiting for an answer, which you give by telling him to come in. He opens the door and steps in, closing it behind him. He stands above the birth and watches you put stuff away from your bag. "I was informed by Starscream you have been delaying plans for our next experiment, would you explain yourself?" You stopped what you were doing and thinks about it. The last experiment you heard Shockwave plan was to finally do a health exam on you to see if you can handle G-force without any risks. They have been planning on taking you to places when they finally fix their light speed travel, but it was necessary for you to not be harmed during it because of your usefulness to the faction. The reason you have been delaying Shockwave was because they want you to strip in front of him. Now it wasn't him that made you feel like you couldn't do it…ok it might be a little. You have never done something so inappropriate before and never wanted to show Shockwave or Megatron your figure underneath the baggy clothing. If they realized how gross you were, even more than Megatron thinks humans are, than you would be killed from Megatron not being interested in you anymore. You don't want anyone else to judge you as much as your own brain does, so delaying that check up is the best thing you can do for you and everyone else. You have been thinking for too long and Megatron was getting a bit impatient. "Well? Answer me, human! Or is the silent treatment a way of you telling me you are a traitor?" He sees you react in a scared and frantic way. You cover your face more with your jacket and mumble. "Sorry, I just…don't want-" Your voice was so quiet he asks for you to speak up which made you a little more shaken up about it. "Sorry! I don't want you to look at me!" You put your hands over your face and was ready for him to yell again, but all you got was confusion. "What? That is the whole experiment, you can't stop this from happening." The sigh of stress comes out of your mouth. This big mech doesn't know anything, you can't believe you are going to have to tell him.

"You said it yourself, humans are a very gross species. I am not even good looking in the eyes of my own people. They call me ugly all the time, so I know you would think worse of me once you see my whole body." Megatron loads in his processor what he was hearing. Since he was so big, Megs never really got to take a real good look at your face before. Now he may think Organics are gross, but that's because of their insides. They can pop if he stepped on them and he never wanted to even think about cleaning his pedes of sticky gross organs. He is honestly a bit offended you thought his judgement was going to be the same of tiny little humans. "How dare you compare my processor to a humans brain! I will never know if you are lying about being so hideous unless you show me." You feel his claws start to touch your jacket, which made you tense up a bit before you felt the whole coat being taken away from your body. You are now just wearing a tank top with pants, showing your arms and a bit of your chest. You make a "eep!" noise and tried to grab your jacket again, covering yourself the best you could. Megatron ignores your pleading and observed how you looked. When you tried to cover your face again, his servo grabs you and tightens around your arms so you couldn't move. He stares at your face and presses his thumb against your cheek. This was making you panic, his purple eyes were staring into you like a predator, a hawk ready to just gut you at any movement. He didn't show any disgust, but also wasn't showing he liked what he was looking at. Megatron's emotions were unclear, and you just wanted to run away without wanting to see this ship again. Your plan to go to Cybertron with these mechs were off the table now, you probably won't even make it stepping off the ship's cargo ramp to leave.

Megatron was taking every inch of you in account. What you didn't know was he was loving what he was seeing. The skin, how soft you were, the innocent face. Your body looked cute in his eyes; Your body shape he wished to hold on forever. He mass displaces, having his servo still hold onto your chest. "Don't ever lie to your leader ever again. I don't see anything ugly in this birth right now." You feel one of his digits rub against your chest, making you squeak and moan a little from the nice feeling. He hears your tiny noises, and does it again. His optics dilate a bit, peaking interest by your reaction. He keeps rubbing one of your boobs while slowly taking off your pants and underwear with his free claws. You don't understand why he is giving you such pleasure, and the way he complimented you? You felt a fuzzy feeling in your stomach and lay your head back from the friction he is giving to your chest. Megatron looks at your legs and switches up your position, having his servos grab you by the legs and his digits rubbing against your crotch. You tried your best not to moan, and sees him trying to take off your shirt. Now since your arms are free, your hands stop him and try to cover yourself again. "You try to disobey me?" The second he said that, his digit presses against your crotch a bit more, making you gasp and let go of your shirt. He feels your flower leaking onto his servo and tears off your shirt. Megs leans closure to you and licks down from your lower stomach, all the way up to your neck, sliding in between your boobs. Your hand presses against his face plate as you shakily moan again from the touching, not feeling this before in your life. The love and desire Megatron was feeling right now, he was never going to tell anybody and you better not either or he was going to do worse to you. It lasts for a little while until you cum on his servo, it now dripping all over down on the bed. Your vision was blurry and you felt dazed from the quick interface you just had. Megatron sets you down on the covers and gruff. "You're beautiful, tell me who ever calls you something other than that." Your eyes start to water and smile from such a kind thing he said. Megs will never forget that smile for the rest of his living life.

[morgangilloryy]

Tidbit Tuesday

Hey hey!I haven't worked on my 'Tommy-Maddie-Karen shenanigans' fic in a couple of days but I have 3500-ish words written for it and I thought I would post a snippet. I really don't know how long it will be, but I might have it up this weekend.

It's kinda long but I really like this part.

“This is my husband, Tommy,” Evan says, tossing an arm over Tommy’s shoulders and pressing a mayo filled kiss to Tommy’s cheek. Tommy rolls his eyes with a smile and wipes it off.

“Nice to meet you,” Lance says with a laugh. “He talks about you so much, I feel like I know you already.”

Tommy looks at Evan, who’s been drawn into an argument with Eddie about something or other, Tommy’s not really following. What he does see is Evan’s left hand on the table, the black silicone ring on his finger and it makes his heart flutter every time he sees either wedding ring on Evan's finger.

“He’s my biggest fan,” Tommy jokes but Lance looks entirely serious when he says,

“He really is.”

Dinner is just what Tommy needed and when Evan walks him to his truck later, he wraps his arms around Tommy’s waist. “So, not that I’m complaining, but what’s up with dinner?”

Tommy tries to look innocent. “I missed you?”

Evan laughs. “I believe that. But I don’t think that’s all there is to it.”

“You know me too well,” Tommy laments. “I just had a weird interaction that threw me off.”

Evan frowns. “What kind of interaction?”

Tommy tells him what happened with Shirley Barnes and Evan’s frown deepens.

“She sounds like a homophobic busy-body,” Evan says, making Tommy laugh.

“Yeah,” Tommy says. “But it was like a quiet homophobia, the kind when someone doesn’t even realize they’re doing it. Plus, I think she is going to cause trouble with my whole deck idea.”

Evan tilts his head. “I can do some research during downtimes? Maybe there’s some sort of policy or something against house additions? I’ve heard that’s a thing.”

“It is,” Tommy admits. “It’s just never been an issue before. You’re better with research than I am so, yeah, if you want to do some looking into it, that’d be great.”

Evan considers him carefully. “This deck is important to you, I know. Why?”

Tommy feels himself fidget under his husband’s attention, which he knows is only going to confirm Evan’s suspicions. “Maddie went with me to Home Depot today. I told her that I couldn’t stop thinking about what happened.”

“Me neither,” Evan says quietly. “I almost lost you.”

“I know,” Tommy says with a slow exhale. “And I just...yes, I want the distraction from that, but I also want to continue living my life. We’ve been talking about putting a deck on the house for forever and we just haven’t had time to do anything about it.”

“Hmm,” Evan says. “You don’t want to waste time.”

Tommy kisses him gently. “Not with you and our life together.”

“So,” Evan says slowly. “You building a deck onto our house is also a metaphor for living life at it’s fullest after a near death experience?”

Tommy thinks about that. “That...sounds about right actually,” Tommy confirms. “Yeah.”

Evan laughs. “And people think I’m the dramatic one.”

np pressure tags: @desert--moonchild, @cjlouwho, @mmso-notlikethat, @tiltingheartand @harmless-variety-of-garden-snake

[eden-writes-stuff]

Tags: smut, NSFW, spoken consent, virginity loss, virgin Remus, anal sex, oral sex, drunk sex

"Truth or dare?", Sirius asked. "Truth", Remus decided. "Uh... Who was your first time?" "That's a stupid question." "No, it's not."

Remus looked around the room, biting down on his lip. "I... I didn't have a first time." "What is that supposed to mean?" "Bloody hell, it means that I've never had sex." "But you have a girlfriend!" "I had. We broke up last week. And we... just never got there"

For a moment no one knew what to say. "Why are you all being so weird about it? There is absolutely nothing wrong about not having had sex at 17", Lily finally said. Remus simply shrugged. "Whatever. Don't worry, Lil. I think I'm going to bed. Unlike some of you, I would like to study tomorrow." And with that, he disappeared up the stairs and into their dorm.

All eyes shifted to Sirius, who looked back in disbelief. "What? I didn't know that. Why is everyone blaming me?" Mary lifted an eyebrow. With a sigh, Sirius gave in. This wasn't worth making the girls angry. He survived their wrath once; he doubted he would survive it again. "Fine, I'll apologize."

So, Sirius trotted up the stairs, slower than usual, unsure of what to do. He honestly hadn't wanted to hurt Moony, but was it really his fault? Carefully he knocked on the door. "Who is it?", Remus answered after a long moment. "I'm Sirius" "Bullshit. Sirius is never serious." With a sigh and a simple flick of his wand, Remus opened the door.

Sirius poked his head through the opening and grinned innocently. "I wouldn't say never, but very rarely... You okay?" Remus shrugged. "Do you want an apology?" "For what?" Sirius looked down at his shoes. He liked those shoes. Black Converse. A birthday present from Mary. "I don't know. For being rude I guess? I didn't want to... out you like that." "I'm not mad at you", Remus said calmly. Sirius knew he was lying. Or at least he wasn't fully telling the truth.

"No more Anne then?", he asked, leaning in the doorframe. "Nope." "She was nice. Everyone thought you'd be great together." "Everyone except you." Oh yeah. Sirius hated her - although, she never made it easy.

"Okay then, different question: what would you like your first time to be like?" "Sirius..." "You chose truth, Moony, so tell me the truth." Remus sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing. "I'd like it to be with someone who knows me. Someone who I can trust and who I know will take care of me, who won't use me." Sirius bit his lip. There was a reason the Sorting Hat had sent him to Gryffindor. "Do you trust me, Remus?", he asked quietly as he carefully approached him, stopping only inches before him.

Remus looked shocked, almost scared. But definitely not repulsed. "I do." Sirius lifted a hand to run his fingers through the golden-brown curls. "Do you want me to take care of you?" Without thinking too much his hands slid up Sirius' beautiful thighs. Softly he pulled him into his lap. Sirius almost melted against him as he felt Remus' body against his own. "I do."

And with that, Sirus' mouth was on his, hands in his hair. Remus tasted of chocolate, and mint toothpaste and alcohol. His lips were addictive and a little rough because he always chewed on them, but fuck if it isn't the best thing Sirius had ever tasted.

The whole world seemed to fade away when he was with Remus. Everything was better, he wasn't nearly as anxious about anything as long as Moony was there. Their bodies seemed to melt together, Remus pulling Sirius closer and closer, one hand landing on his ass, gently gripping the soft flesh.

Sirius gasped, a little surprised. He hadn't expected Remus to be so active. It wasn't bad - far from it - but the little reaction had been enough to make Remus draw back, looking up at him with those beautiful brown eyes, that were barely visible around the black of his pupiles. "Did I do something wrong?", he asked carefully. Sirius immediately shook his head.

"How drunk are you?", Sirius asked. "Two butterbeers and half a glass of firewhiskey. You?" "One shot of green fairy and that other half of that firewhiskey. Are you sure about this? We can wait. I don't want you to do anything you'll regret becau-" Before he could finish Remus pressed the bulge in his trousers against Sirius' ass, almost making him moan. "How about you? Are you sure?" He stopped speaking, as he felt Sirius' erection rubbing against his. "Oh fuck! Okay..."

All hesitation gone, he kissed him again, pulling him closer. Gently he pushed Remus back onto the bed, holding himself up with one arm. "We can always stop. No matter when. If you need a break or want to stop completely, that is always fine, okay?", Sirius assured him quietly, looking up once to make sure he understood. Remus started kissing his neck, softly biting into the flesh. "I don't want to stop. Please don't stop", he murmured.

He was infinitely thankful that Remus wanted to keep going. He wasn't even sure if he could stop with Remus' lips being so criminally soft, his breath so warm against his own skin.

But the best part was to hear Remus say it. Hearing him admit that he wanted him. That he wanted to do this with him. He wouldn't dream of denying him anything he wanted.

"Tell me how you want it." He let a hand slide under Remus' jumper. His skin was warm and soft between the scars. "With your mouth." Sirius lifted an eyebrow. "Never had a blowjob either?" Remus shook his head. "Shit... Poor you", he teased, smiling softly. He pulled the jumper over his head, revealing Remus' chest. "Anything else?" "Ca- can I be... be in you? Fuck. How do you say that without sounding weird?"

His heart skipped a beat. "You can definitely do that", Sirius grinned, biting into the soft skin of Remus' neck. Sirius had always known that Remus was beautiful, having seen him change almost every day for six years, but he had never seen him this close, never had he had the opportunity to really... see him.

He kissed every scar, every mark on his body. He would worship him for hours and hours, but since this was Remus' first time, and Sirius was sure to come into his pants if they kept looking at each other like this for much longer, he decided to act. He started unbuckling Remus' belt and unzipping his trousers. Remus aided him by lifting his hips and soon the only thing left on him was Sirius.

"Merlin! Do you have any idea how fucking gorgeous you are?" Sirius looked up at him while carefully kissing along his v-line. Had he been just a little more drunk, he might have started drowling.

His gaze lifted to meet Remus'. The boy was blushing like a bloody tomato and looking unfairly attractive. Sirius would never get tired of this sight. His kisses wandered lower and lower, but his gaze stayed fixed on Remus.

He stroked his dick a few times, softly kissing the tip, before taking him in.

He started off slow and steady, enjoying the look of pleasure on Remus' face. It all went to hell when he heard Remus moan for the first time. He had always loved Remus' voice, but hearing him curse under his breath and- oh fuck! Sirius knew he was absolutely, positively fucked when he heard his name escape Remus' lips. At that point, nothing could hold him back. He sucked his dick as if his life depended on it. Everything to hear him moan again and again.

At some point, Remus started moving his hips upward, making Sirius take him deeper. He gagged but didn't complain. He would let him go on like this forever. But, inexperienced as he was, Remus didn't last long. Luckily, Sirius had enough experience for the both of them and knew to stop before Remus could finish.

As soon as his lips had left him, Remus pulled Sirius up to him, claiming his lips so greedily that Sirius was sure he'd faint.  Eventually, he turned them both around, pressing Sirius into the bed with his weight. He was so gone. His hands found their way into Remus' soft curls, while the taller boy gripped his hips possesively.

Sirius forced himself to break the kiss after a good few minutes. "How much do you know from theory?", Sirius asked, still out of breath. Remus needed a few seconds before he could form a proper sentence. "Only what I read in books." Surprised, Sirius lifted an eyebrow. "Where did you read about gay sex in school books?" Remus grinned. "Who said anything about school books!" Sirius could only laugh before Remus kissed him again.

"Moony", he protested quietly, growing weaker and weaker with each brush of their lips. "Hm?", the other boy answered, kisses growing sloppy. Merlin, there couldn't be anything hotter in this world. "If you wanna continue you have to let me get up for a moment." Remus grumbled in protest, but eventually pushed himself up.

After taking a few seconds to regain his motor functions,  Sirius pushed himself up to grab the condoms and lube from the drawer of his nightstand. "For protection and easy access", he explained, "with guys, it's easier because there's only one hole, so you can't get that wrong", Sirius continued and handed both items to Remus.

He was about to undo his belt when he felt Remus' firm grip around his wrist. He couldn't help but stare as the other boy's elegant fingers worked to get him out of his trousers. "I know that it's important to prepare and stretch before." Sirius nodded slowly. He could feel his throat go dry.

"Had to learn that the hard way. It's best if you start with your fingers." Remus smiled and kissed his stomach, sending butterflies through his entire body. "And then it's just in and out?" "Basically. You can vary with how hard and how fast you like it. And of course different positions, but let's keep it simple for the first time." His voice grew more and more shaky as Remus freed him of his underwear and let it drop to his ankles.

"And you say I'm gorgeous", Remus whispered, biting his lip. Sirius couldn't help but smile. "Well, you are. And you probably don't get to hear it nearly enough." He watched as Remus unwrapped the condom and put it on.

"You ready?" Sirius nodded and turned with his bare butt facing Remus. He could hear the sound of the bottle clicking open and not long after felt the cool wetness on his skin. "Do I just push them in?", Remus asked carefully. "Yeah. Try to get some of it everywhere. It feels a little strange at first, but you get used to it."

When he felt Remus' fingers pressing against him, he bit down on his lip, letting his head roll back. "Shit. Did I hurt you?" "Only a little, but that's normal. Just keep going. It'll get better", he assured him. So Remus kept pushing forward. His other hand started gently stroking over Srius' lower back, helping him relax.

It didn't take long for Sirius to start sighing and quietly moaning. "I'm ready. I'm ready for you, Moony." Remus' hands left him for a few moments before gripping onto Sirius' sides to hold him in place as he gently slid into him.

They both moaned in unison and took a minute to cope with the feeling. Remus was wonderfully big. Sirius didn't think he could fall any more for him but was proven awfully wrong when Remus started moving. He was careful, to not slip out when he drew back for the first time before pushing himself all the way in again; slow and steady.

Remus felt even greater than he'd imagined. And that was just during his first time. The things he might do to him with more experience... If this was something that would ever be repeated. No! No sad thoughts. Just focusing on how fucking hot the guy behind him was.

He couldn't help but let out a quiet whimper at the thought. Remus immediately paused "What's wrong? Did I-" "No", he interrupted, "Just keep going. Fuck, please don't stop."

Merlin, how he loved hearing him beg like this. Unable to even think about it, Remus started thrusting into him again; quicker this time. A row of nonsensical curses left his lips. His hands gripped Sirius' waist to keep them both steady and to have something to hold onto. With every single movement, he grew more and more frantic.

It only took Remus a few, way too short minutes to reach the edge. As was to be expected. At least he warned Sirius -different to other experiences he had made over the years. "Fuck- Sirius! I can't- I need to-" "Come! Just let go. It's alright." Sirius shifted his weight to move one hand to his own cock, which was already dripping with precum.

Remus' hips stuttered a bit before he stilled completely, emptying himself into the condom. Sirius moved between him and his hand a few times before finishing himself. Unsure what to do, and unable to do much else, Remus fell back onto the bed, catching his breath.

Sirius took a second as well before he turned toward him, inspecting him carefully. "Everything alright?" Remus just nodded. Smiling, Sirius got up and disappeared into the bathroom from which he reemerged with a glass of water a few seconds later. Carefully he helped him sit up, leaning both of them against the headboard, pulling the blanket over them. Remus drank while Sirius softly stroked his thigh.

"So... Who was your first time?", Sirius grinned.

[kylos-starlight]

There was a post going around about what selfship that isn't your own is your favourite and ya know.. I'M GONNA WRITE SOME OF MY FAVOURITES OF MY REGULAR MOOTS RIGHT NOW! GET TAGGED NERDS /j /silly also if you hate that I tagged you sorry, feel free to completely ignore my loud arse lmao

@heatobrienswife - OF COURSE you and heat are an amazing power couple! You two are literally made for each other! I also really love your familial bond with Nerugumi!!

@mauls-waifu - GIVEN but absolutely adore you and Maul together!!! I love your dynamics and how you talk about him is just really sweet (and sometimes funny!) You two are definitely one of my otps forever of all time!

@mahitosoulmate - YOU AND MAHITO! I love that you don't shy away from the gory stuff and that you two match each others freaks! It's always so wonderful reading the fics you make about you two and the art AND YOUR FAMILY WITH HIM its soooo cute! :D

@gozyutyranno - waving my georgebrooke flag all the way from Canada, you two are so cute and I love reading any time you gush about him it's so lovely. I can tell you love him so much!!!

@moorshipping - [shaking your shoulders] YOU AND KYLAR ARE THE SWEETEST NERDS EVER /lh (I mean that in a good way!) You two are SO IN LOVE and you're so friggin adorable together you make me want to cry rainbows! I can tell how much he means to you with ever fic and every piece of art you make!

@sapphire-heart-tippy - YOU AND VANILLA BUT ALSO YOU AND BEL! I will never stop shouting to the high heavens that you could draw for the media Vanlla is from! You incorporated Bel so perfect that I totally forget that Bel isn't actually in the show! I love all of your art and how you gush about them both! Ya'll are so sweet!

@dragonsmooch - YOU AND YOUR SHARK MAAANNN but also I really love your familial fics with papa foxy, I love love looovee the family dynamic and I'm always so enthralled when I read your fics! Ya'll are GREAT!

@dameronswife - OKAY SO I know we only JUST started to follow each other but from what I've seen so far, your relationship with Poe is the sweetest darn thing ever! I cannot wait to learn more about you two!!

@lances-wife - You and Lance are top tier! but also you and Brahms is really growing on me~! I want to learn everything about your realtionships~! Ya'll are so sweet!!

@literally-just-there - INFORMANT AND SEEKER are the bees knees! So sweet my doctor told me I need to cut back (I wont) /lh / j I love every art piece you bring out I can just feel the love radiating form every piece! Yes, even the silly ones! :3

@ama-ships - [BANGS POTS IN PANS IN YOUR LIVING ROOM] you and Majima are adorable together! I love the witty banter between you both and I adore how you're always sticking up for him despite you knowing he could handle himself. You're so protective and its SUPER SWEET!

@dontcallmesweetpea - I know you're taking a break but I really do love your dynamic with Gail! You fell so hard and so fast for her and it was honestly really nice to see considering I remember you stated you have trouble with attachment so knowing she was there and basically glued to your hip was really heartwarming to see! my fave! ahh!

[cherievivi]

shattered ice, cold waters

part of the jinvivi series but he's mentioned literally only twice throughout the entire story, 1.7k words, i am so mean to subaru im sorry v i love you, i have a knife and i use it, the quotes from jin and such are from a previous fic, bolded line is the curse, rubia is here

@twstchatterbox for the lore tag

“Is the flute necessary? Really?”

“Hey, not too much on the flute. You never know.”

“You brought it because Rubia likes when you play, didn't you?”

Rubia snickered as she linked her arm with Hakus. It's nice to see her so relaxed in my presence. I can't help but feel like I don't deserve this though. How can she trust that I won't do anything again? Or is this just her giving me another opportunity? A fresh start for Haku’s sake?

“Hey, tell us more about the ballroom mission! Haku mentioned it the other day!” Zenji called out from behind me, interrupting my spiraling thoughts. I felt him coming before he even started, but I like to humor him, so I let out a fake gasp just to hear him laugh.

“Mmm, I heard you got to play hero that day.”

“Yeah? Where'd you hear that from, huh Rubia?”

“Oh, you know, I lurk around.” Rubia playfully rolled her eyes at me, rubbing her thumb across Haku’s hand. “Did you figure out who the anomaly was?”

“Mhm, and no one believed me when I said it was the host at first.”

“Really? He's been missing for ages. He would've been my first guess.”

“Right?! I'm surrounded by idiots at Frostheim, I tell you. Y'know, Kaito is the worst of them.”

“Mhm? How so? Ah, wait. Subaru isn't here yet. We can't go until he's here.”

We waited a few more minutes until Subaru arrived, regrettably, in my opinion.

Rubia and Haku were practically making out, and Zenji had to distract me before I gagged at the sight of them. I'm sure one day I'll get into a relationship, and Rubia will bring up this moment.

The thought of Rubia being around long enough to see me enter a relationship was a nice one.

The row of trees in Hotarubi stretched ahead of us, with lanterns swaying in the breeze and casting golden light over the path we walked. The hum of distant conversations around the area made me feel relaxed. Frostheim is chatty, but it's just a bunch of rich kids doing rich kid gossip. Hotarubi is calming.

Well, I would feel calm if Subaru wasn't behind me. I don't know what he's thinking, or what he's up to usually, but I don't like it. I don't trust him.

I despise that gentleness.

Rubia and Haku walked ahead, fingers intertwined, their laughter blended in with the serene sound of windchimes surrounding us. Zenji walked beside me, looking up at the sky and talking about whatever came to his mind. I was only paying attention occasionally. I appreciated it regardless.

Subaru was behind the group. He wasn't making any effort to chat with us.

I think he's just enjoying the—

What if he's planning something? What if he hurts Haku and Rubia? Will you stand to let them fall to such manipulative tactics?

What? No. He's just…

“You still haven’t told us what exactly happened at the ballroom,” Rubia pointed out, looking back at me with a look that told me to stop.

Does she know? What does she know? I don't even know what's going on!

“Kamurai, what was he like?”

“I never know what he's thinking,” I laughed. “But we've gotten closer since then. He was so annoying that day though! Didn't help at all.”

“Jin? Leaving everything to someone else? Unheard of.” Haku laughed, sending me a wink. “He must like you.”

“Hey! Don't start!”

“I'm kidding, I'm kidding! Kinda.”

“Maybe I'll have to borrow your flute. Isn't that how you seduce Rubia?”

“Oh, he seduces me alright.” Rubia nudged Haku and raised her eyebrows at him.

“Ew!!” Zenji and I yelled out in unison.

Rubia tilted her head, her gaze settling on me, just for a moment, but I felt what she was feeling. I swallowed and looked away.

I hate when she knows something I don't.

Maybe she's—

No. Stop.

The thought slithered up my spine, curling around my chest. I should get out of here soon. If I hurt Rubia again, I’d never forgive myself.

This is why I stay away from Rubia.

I tried to shove it down, but her eyes were still on me, and I could feel my pulse picking up under her gaze.

I cleared my throat. “Anyways! I had Tohma and Jin handle the anomaly at first. I was supposed to ease the guests but I blacked out…”

“Really? Were you alright?” Haku stopped walking to turn and look at me, worry in his eyes.

He doesn't actually—

“Yeah, yeah!” Shut up. “I woke up in my room, safe and sound. Tohma said Jin handled the anomaly and Luca came in to help with the guests.”

“Did you demand they apologize to you?” Zenji squealed. “You knew it was the host even when they disagreed!”

“There’s not much to say.” I shrugged. “It was the logical theory, but I'm not surprised they didn't agree.”

“Sounds about right for them though.” Rubia rolled her eyes playfully when I gave her an equally playful glare. “What? It’s Frostheim.”

“At least someone understands my suffering.” I sighed dramatically. “I am but a lone genius in a sea of incompetence…”

Haku chuckled, squeezing Rubia’s hand. “Maybe you should put that on a shirt.”

“I just might!”

Subaru, who had been quiet up until now, laughed at that, though it was more of a soft, exhaled breath.

Such a lovely sound. I want to suppress it.

“Our gut instinct is a gamble. I'm glad you were able to catch that so quickly.”

Something inside me twitched but I forced a smile. “Thanks, Subaru. Always a pleasure.”

He didn't say anything else, just smiled. I couldn't move, my body just wouldn't allow me, so I stayed there and started at Subaru.

Rubia shot him a look, then gave me that same one. Her fingers twitched like she wanted to reach out. I turned around and continued walking before she could.

The rest of the walk was fine. Lighthearted, teasing, and jokes. We stopped at one point to listen to Haku play his flute. He's got quite the talent. I've always admired how easy it was for him to calm people down.

Usually, his flute would calm me and quell my thoughts. However, this time, that feeling in my chest wasn’t fading. Every time Subaru spoke, I thought about how easy it would be to make sure he never spoke again.

I can't believe Haku wants to protect someone like this.

Then, finally, Rubia sighed, sending me another look. “Alright, I think we should head back. Haku?”

He nodded, squeezing her hand one more time before standing up. “Yeah. It's getting late.”

Zenji stretched his arms over his head. “I should go too. I'll walk with you guys!”

I barely heard them. I smiled regardless, but the words weren't registering.

You could free Haku from that burden. He doesn't need to spend useless time on Subaru.

The moment they turned to leave, my feet felt rooted to the ground. Subaru still stood there, looking at me with that same smile.

“It's nice to know that Haku is close with someone so reliable.”

The whisper in my bones turned into a roar. I tried to ignore it.

Reliable? That's… very kind of him.

Move.

What?

The knife in your pocket—

No!

My blade was out and twirling through the air, aiming for his neck before I even realized I had drawn it.

His… neck?!

Subaru’s eyes widened, but his reflexes saved him from the first hit. He's fast. He's faster than me.

I'm stronger though. Just one hit would be enough.

Give it up, Vivi. Put your knife away, and go.

Despite the pleas in my head, I struck again, aiming for his neck one more time. He was expecting that, and was still fast enough that my strike missed and put a noticeable distance between us.

I remember something like this.

“You’re getting ahead of yourself.”

Jin.

He is faster than I can follow after all. He closed the distance, sweeping my legs out from under me.

This is not Jin. But if this were training with Jin, how would I handle this?

I'm not good against people faster than me. I am all strength and brute force. If I were closer to Subaru, I could finish this quickly.

Romeo told me that when you're in a fight against someone who has what you lack, you need to get far away and examine them clearly. He has already created this distance for me.

Subaru is stressed, and he's stumbling a bit. He isn't looking directly at me, probably because he would be able to see me if I started running from this far away.

Taking his moment of weakness to my advantage, I spin my knife in my hand so I'm holding the blade, and close one eye, aiming.

Aim for his leg. He can't run if you dig it in deep enough. You can finish the job then.

My breath came fast and sharp. My body felt heavier now. The knife in my hand made me nauseous. I used this same knife against Taiga.

I need to run. I can't listen to that godforsaken voice.

You shouldn't hesitate. He's weak now, you can still finish this.

No, this is wrong. This is so wrong! Haku and Subaru… they're friends! What the fuck is Haku going to think when he finds out?!

And most importantly, what the hell is Rubia going to do?! She'll explain my curse to Haku, of course. I don't want anyone to know about it! Not even Taiga knew!

My head was pounding. I took a step back, my grip on my knife tightening. Should I go through with the throw? He's staring at me now. He doesn't think I'll do it.

And he's right. I need to run.

I turned on my heel and bolted, ignoring Subaru’s shouts behind me, and ignoring the voice in my head. It wasn't Rubia the curse wanted, and it wasn't Subaru either.

It was Haku. Getting rid of Subaru was the betrayal the curse wanted.

My legs carried me faster than my thoughts could catch up, my thoughts screaming at me to find safety.

Jin. Jin is safety.

[coquelicoq]

good morning can i show you guys the christmas card my little sister wrote me in french (she does not know any french)

joyeux Noël, j'espère que vous comprenez ce que je dis compte tenu de la fiabilité de Google Translate. Jespère qu'à l'avenir nous voir plus de deux fois par an. Je ne sais pas vraiment quoi dire d'autre, alors joyeux Noël et j'espère que papa t'a offert. Profitez également des autres choses que je mets sur la carte au lieu de vous ècrire un essai complet.

and then she wrote me a little crossword and a "connect the language to its way of saying 'merry christmas'" game 😭

[autistic-beshelar]

ah yes dungeon meshi, the manga where an autistic man gets repeatedly bullied by people he thinks are his friends and not a single person supports him

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

Man if Marcy keeps ending up with like child protection services in all these fics over her parents being slightly distant then my parents should be in JAIL

[britneyshakespeare]

I have to be so honest and vulnerable with you for a second. I keep thinking of getting another complete works of Shakespeare