#she was open and unreserved with their emotions—especially with friends

[impossible-rat-babies]

mhm hngh I gotta design azem :/

[ieattaperecorders]

Something's Different About You Lately - Epilogue: Borrowed Time

Life goes on, impossibly.

Read on Ao3

---

Martin shifted the bag of groceries in his arms as he climbed the stairs, still feeling a bit nervous.

The dinner had been Jon's idea – his O&M instructor was covering kitchen skills, and he'd thought it would be fun for the two of them to try making something together. The recipe had sounded a little elaborate to Martin, who'd protested that he didn't cook much, but Jon promised that it wasn't beyond them. He added that Martin was ‘perfectly capable' in the kitchen anyway, and said it with such prim, knowing confidence that Martin hadn't even bothered to ask. Before he knew it, he was writing down a list of ingredients to bring over.

He supposed that was just going to keep happening, Jon telling him things about himself. It was . . . strange. Sometimes it was endearing, sometimes just annoying. Occasionally it made him feel sentimental and a little bit sad in a way he couldn't put his finger on.

The door to the flat opened after a moment of knocking, and he smiled as Jon appeared.

"Hi Jon, it's Martin," he said. He'd read online it was polite to say your name, to not assume the other person will recognize your voice. "I've got the groceries."

"I know it's you, Martin." His tone was light and a little condescending, and Martin felt heat rise to his ears. "Come on inside. You know where the kitchen is."

Martin slipped past him and set down the bag, pulling things out and arranging them on the counter as Jon followed him to the kitchen.

"The store was out of chili paste," he mentioned.

Jon shrugged. "We'll improvise, then."

"If you say so."

Jon began taking out cookware, placing things down wherever he found counter space. "Do anything interesting today?" he asked, over the clatter of pans.

"Not especially. Filled out a few applications, then took a walk," he said. "Met a really friendly dog in the park."

"Flattered that you tore yourself away to come here."

"Wasn't by choice, her owner wouldn't let me keep her."

"How unreasonable."

It was weird, not having to worry so much about money. Not that Martin was complaining of course, but there was still a voice in his head telling him he was being too slow and selective in his job search, that it was lazy of him. And he felt anxious dipping into the new funds too much.

He'd just about gone into conniptions when Sasha told him what she'd done while she'd been fiddling with Elias's computer. Embezzlement might not have been an escalation when they were already committing arson, but they could still get caught, and wouldn't a financial windfall point a lot of suspicion towards them? But she kept assuring him that it was untraceable, some hidden fund Elias had, ready to be drawn on by anyone with the account information. The running theory was that he'd been keeping it for his next identity, which . . . yeah, the less Martin thought about that, the better.

Fear of discovery aside, he couldn't deny it was nice having a buffer like this. There was space he'd never had before to think about where he wanted to be, what he wanted to do with himself. And with the bills taken care of, Jon could focus his time on recovering. At the urging of his O&M teacher (and some amount of prodding on Martin's end) he'd even started talking to a counselor every few weeks. It was ostensibly just about handling the emotions that come up with sudden, traumatic vision loss, and he doubted Jon would be discussing the more exotic traumas he'd been through. Still. It was probably good he had something like that.

They went about the business of prepping ingredients, talking idly about food, things they'd done in the past few days, updates from Tim and Sasha. Martin's initial nerves already dissolving into the steady flow of conversation. There was something comfortable, he reflected, in being around someone who was so comfortable with him.

"Would you mind--" Jon frowned, fiddling with the hob on the stove. "I've got this, I'm fairly sure. Just . . . make sure I keep the pan centered?"

"Sure."

He came to stand behind Jon, watching over his shoulder as he set the carefully oiled pan on the stove and turned on the heat. Martin was a terribly distracted spotter, his attention frequently straying from the pan to look at Jon's face, pinched slightly in concentration. There was a single bead of sesame oil on his cheek, and it made his intensely serious expression that much more charming.

Despite his concerns, Jon had the pan well handled as he heated the oil and added in the aromatics. Martin only noticed him drifting once, the flames going high on one side of the pan.

"A little left," he advised.

In a moment of impulse and bravery, Martin curved an arm around him – placing a hand on his elbow, then running it down his arm to cover Jon's hand with his own, guiding the pan carefully into place. Jon leaned back, fitting the curve of his body into Martin's and sighing deeply.

"God, I've missed this," Jon exhaled. "Just . . . cooking dinner with you. All these little domestic things."

His voice was so unselfconsciously fond. It made Martin dizzy, just how easily affection poured out of him.

In hindsight, at least part of Jon's strange, awkward behavior around Martin had been a result of him holding back, wary of letting his feelings show. He never held anything back now -- his demeanor going from nonchalant or haughty to unbelievably soft and loving at the slightest prompting. It still took Martin by surprise, inspiring so much unreserved affection in someone. It wasn't anything he'd usually associate with himself. It was strange, and lovely, and at times made him feel almost frighteningly powerful.

He leaned forward, kissing the soft skin just beside Jon's ear. Jon smiled, holding his pose for a moment before gradually returning his attention to the pan, shaking it gently to move the vegetables around. Martin kept a hand on his, now fully for the sake of touch rather than any pretense of assistance, letting Jon's movements guide them both.

"Did we cook together in that cabin a lot?" he asked.

Jon nodded. "It was one of a handful of things we could do that felt . . . well, like a date, I suppose. We couldn't really go anywhere since we were lying low. I mean, we could walk around the area, isolated as it was, but trips to the village were all short and functional. So preparing something elaborate together made an evening feel special," he smirked. "You used to get defensive, too, just like today . . . saying you didn't really cook, like you were trying to lower my expectations."

"In my defense, I never said I didn't cook, just . . . ." Not since mum left , he thought. "Not for a while."

"To be honest, we were both at a disadvantage in that kitchen," Jon continued. "There weren't a lot of modern conveniences there. The power came from a generator, and the stove was an ancient, wood-burning thing that neither of us quite knew what to do with at first. Took a lot of trial and error before we really managed."

"Sounds cozy."

"Oh yes. So cozy we almost suffocated ourselves before we figured out how to adjust the vents."

Martin smiled, listening to Jon describe the little kitchen in that place. The cabin in Scotland had supposedly been a remote safehouse the two of them laid low in, but the way Jon talked about it sometimes it might as well have been a romantic holiday retreat. He made it sound so nice that Martin once idly suggested they go see it someday. Jon had gone tense and quiet at that, had shaken his head and said softly that they had to stay far, far away from that place. That there was nothing good that happened there now.

Jon was mostly open about the things he remembered. But sometimes "open" meant he'd easily speak at length about something, and other times "open" meant he'd answer your questions with short, one-sentence explanations, volunteering nothing unless pushed. And anything about the police officers he'd apparently worked with fell solidly into the second category.

Sometimes it seemed like they might have been friends, but Jon was always adamant that no one ever try to contact them. Daisy in particular seemed hard to talk about. Martin did know about the coffin. Jon had told him in a soft, emotional voice how another Martin had stepped from his cloud of isolation to set out tape recorders calling him home, how it had been one of very few things that let Jon believe he hadn't given up on him yet. And he knew something had been different about Daisy after the coffin, some sinister force like the one that had kept them at the Institute had loosened its hold on her.

He also knew that Jon was terrified of her, that he said again and again she was too dangerous to go near. That something about her made him sad -- and, Martin suspected, guilty, though he wasn't sure why. It was a topic he'd decided not to push . . . if Jon ever wanted to talk more about it, he would in his own time.

There were other things, things closer to home for Martin that Jon had hesitated over. Once while he was recounting the events of those years he'd paused mid-sentence. Stammered that it wasn't all supernatural in nature and some of it may still happen, and was he sure he wanted to know everything? Martin imagined Jon thought he was being subtle, but it wasn't a hard guess.

He told Jon not to give him the date. It was obviously going to be within the next couple of years, there was no spitting out that apple of knowledge. But he didn't want to be able to mark it on his calendar.

It shouldn't have felt like news, that his mum was going to die soon. Shouldn't have been the uncomfortable weight in his chest that it was. She was ill, of course it was coming, it had been coming for a while, hadn't it? But maybe that was the problem. It had been ‘any day now' for such a long time, ‘any day' had stopped feeling like a reality. And he still wasn't sure what to do with this information, if it really changed anything. Should he try to get some sort of closure? How did you make the most of the time you had left with a person who refuses to see you?

Martin hadn't asked Jon how much he knew about his mum, that just wasn't a conversation he was eager to have. But the careful, hesitant way Jon talked around the subject suggested . . . something, at least. Just like how the gentle, quiet tone he got when he talked about the Lonely told Martin more than he really wanted to have explained.

There was only one thing Jon flatly refused to tell him about, and that was whatever Elias had done to him on the day of the Unknowing. When pushed, Jon had gone quiet for a while, then said he didn't remember. It had been a lie, and a bad one, and both of them knew it. But it was clear there was no point in asking for more.

"You like pizzelles, don't you?"

Jon's voice snapped Martin to the present. With a last squeeze of Martin's hand, he turned off the flame, moved away from the stove and over to the pantry.

"Um, dunno?" Martin said, pulling his thoughts back together. "Never tried them."

"Really?" Jon frowned, pausing halfway to the cabinet door. Then he shrugged. "Well, no matter. You will."

Martin rolled his eyes. Jon spoke with so much more authority than anyone deserved to hold over another person's cookie preferences, and he couldn't help feeling contrary.

"No. You stepped on a butterfly last week and set off a chain of events that forever changed my feelings on pizzelles, I hate them now."

"That's all right," Jon said, popping open the plastic package and arranging the cookies on a plate. "If you don't want these, there's also canned peaches for dessert."

"Oh, don't you dare --"

Jon snickered, picking out a broken piece of one of the large, thin cookies and holding it out, just short of passing it into Martin's mouth. With an annoyed grunt, Martin leaned forward, taking a bite.

Damn it. It was really, really good.

---

Jon sank into the couch, pleasantly full and a little bit tired. He leaned back and listened to the sound of running water coming from the next room.

Martin had insisted on doing the dishes, on the basis that Jon had done "all the real work" of cooking. He wasn't sure that was true, but didn't argue. Just asked that he leave everything in the drainboard when he was finished so Jon could put it away later. He knew he'd be frustrated for hours if the dishes weren't where he expected them to be.

There were so many frustrations in his life now. His O&M instructor had promised he'd learn new ways to move through the world, that in time the frustrations would be fewer and fewer, and he'd find himself capable of nearly everything he'd done before the loss of his sight. Jon believed her, but it didn't make the prospect of getting there any less daunting. Nor did it make the learning process any easier.

The worst were the things his instructor would never understand, that no resource or guidebook would mention. The dread that gripped him when he became disoriented and found a door where he wasn't expecting one. The phantom tickles on his body that prompted him to pat himself down for spiders again and again.

Still. He was alive. The others were freed from the institute, and he was there with them, to struggle and to mourn and to continue on.

A part of him would always fear it had been a mistake. That the Web, or the Eye, or some other power still had plans for him that would reach apotheosis someday. Maybe he saw the fear as vigilance, as though something was waiting for him to feel safe so that it could rip that security from him. And as long as he never allowed himself to be truly, entirely at ease, that day would never come.

Irrational, perhaps. But it was so hard to tell anymore which irrational fears were truly irrational, and which would one day manifest with teeth and claws.

Even if nothing ever came for him, they had only bought the world some time. One day, maybe soon, someone would figure it out and attempt a ritual again. Maybe there would be others out there who would catch it in time, postponing the end over and over, forever. Or maybe someone would do it next week, and Jon would be plunged along with everyone else into unspeakable suffering until Terminus claimed them all. He could follow Gertrude's path if he chose, devote his life to stopping rituals at the cost of everything he cared for. Even then one could slip past him, come from someplace he hadn't been watching, or had been made not to notice. At some point he was going to have to find a way to live with that knowledge.

He'd work on it. But for the moment . . . .

The sound of running water stopped. Jon smiled, scooting to make room on the couch, feeling the cushions sink and shift as they took the weight of another person. With a hmm that came out with more whine to it than he'd wanted, Jon found Martin's arm and tugged it towards him. With a quiet laugh, Martin obliged, leaning into him and resting his head against his chest.

"Better," Jon arranged their limbs more comfortably. Martin's hands were still cold, and he smelled faintly of dish soap.

"Glad to hear it."

Jon knew Martin found it amusing, how clingy he was. The first time he'd commented on it had been profoundly embarrassing. Part of it was just the way Jon was, but he also remembered the days after the Lonely. The skittish, uncertain moments of contact, the times when Martin stiffened at his touch but whimpered when he pulled away. The other days, when they could barely let go of one another, when Jon would plant himself beside Martin or wrap his arms over his shoulders, and he would relax into it, sighing with release. Both of them too grateful for the fragile miracle of each other's touch to consider breaking contact.

This Martin didn't remember those days, and if he ever sensed anything desperate or reverent in the way Jon clung, he didn't comment on it. Still, even if he found it funny, he didn't seem to mind how ardently Jon held on to him.

Jon moved a hand into the space between Martin's shoulder blades and scratched down his spine, the particular way he used to like. Jon felt him shiver with pleasure under the soothing contact, and a powerful warmth spread through him.

"God . . ." Martin whispered, "you really know everything about me, don't you?"

Jon snorted. "Hardly. In a very real way, we barely had time to get to know each other. And when we did, well . . . it was close by necessity. It was intimate, and intense. But there's still a great deal I've no idea about."

"You were never tempted to use those powers of omniscience to look inside my head?"

"Constantly," Jon said, with great seriousness. "But I never did. I promised."

Martin went quiet at that. Maybe Jon's reply had been a little intense, or maybe Martin hadn't actually realized that looking inside his head had been a possibility when he'd asked the question as a joke.

"Oh," he said eventually. "Um . . . good?"

"I have picked up a few things," Jon continued, speaking with quiet and fond admiration. "For example . . . I know you'd like a pet, but your landlord won't allow them so you keep plants instead. You can't say no to panhandlers. You have a favorite hoodie that you only wear when you're sad and need the comfort. You like old, careworn furniture, and rainy days, and sitcoms that were made before you were born. You're kind to people who aren't kind to you, but you never forget the unkindness."

"Wow. Okay," Martin made a soft noise, shifting in his arms, voice tight and quiet. "Okay. Y-You're, uh, probably going to kill me if you keep that up, you know."

"Trust me, you've survived worse."

He felt Martin move a little higher, slotting himself beside Jon and giving him a tight squeeze. Jon grinned as the breath was pushed out of him, all twenty-four of his ribs contracting at the assault.

That was another difference, one of dozens of subtle changes Jon couldn't keep his mind from analyzing. Martin wasn't ungentle, exactly. But he hugged Jon more tightly, shoved or poked him when he was annoyed, whereas the Martin in his memories had held back a little. Been more mindful of his strength, as if wary he might handle him too roughly. It had been subtle, a thing Jon hadn't even noticed until he had something to contrast it against.

It made sense, he supposed. The other Martin had seen Jon limp back to the institute with fresh wounds and new scars one too many times. This one didn't have to have those images in his head.

There were some things that were lost between them, Jon knew that. Memories too small and simple to explain, questions he couldn't ask anymore. Moments they would never share, both good and bad. But there was also so much they had gained. This Martin hadn't had an easy life, not by any measure. But he hadn't had to watch helplessly as the people around him died or disappeared or became monstrous. Hadn't been lost in grinning corridors, or attacked by Hopworth's hooligans, or made to feel the heat of the endless tenement fire. And for that, Jon was so, so grateful.

"You look thoughtful," Martin commented.

"Mmm," Jon sat quietly for a while sifting through his thoughts before speaking. "We should go to a movie sometime. When I'm up for going out out."

"That sounds less fun for you than me . . . ."

"Depends on the movie. I could listen, even without description. And I'd enjoy being with you," he said. "Or maybe a concert? Though I don't really know what sort of music you like . . . ."

"Really? There's actually a blank spot in your catalogue of Martin trivia?" he said sarcastically. "Surprised it never came up."

"You only ever used headphones at work," Jon bristled, feeling oddly defensive about it, "and we obviously couldn't bring our devices to the cabin. Too traceable."

"Hmm," there was a teasing smile in Martin's voice. "Don't know if I want to tell, now. Feels like I've got a secret."

"Oh, except . . . there was one song? I don't know the lyrics, but you used to hum it all the time in the cabin."

"What was it called?"

"I didn't actually ask. It sounded nice, though. Maybe we could listen to it together. . . "

"How'd it go, then?"

He hummed the tune from memory. It came easily to mind, connected as it was with images of Martin sipping tea or wiping down a countertop, a bright, easy smile on his face. After a moment, Martin burst out laughing.

"That's -- that's from a soap commercial!"

". . . What?"

"Floors and doors, walls and halls, Liquid Lather cleans them all," he spoke-sang along with the tune. "It was probably just stuck in my head."

Jon frowned, mildly disappointed. "Well. It sounded nice when you were humming it, anyway."

"God. If you want I can serenade you with an insurance advert sometime."

"No thank you."

"Or we could listen to your album from uni," he pushed, the satisfied smile in his voice growing.

"Thankfully we never recorded anything," Jon grinned ruefully, "so that's lost to time."

"Bet you could still sing some of it."

"Try me the next time I'm not expecting to live through the night."

Martin made a displeased sound at that, but said nothing.

"I'm sorry that you always have to come over here," Jon said. "I should probably be making more of an effort to get out of the flat. But it's so much still, even with a guide. I can do it if I have to, but I can't relax."

"C'mon . . . you know I don't mind, and even if I did it wouldn't be something to apologize for. You're going at your own pace."

"Suppose I'm just impatient with myself. It feels absurd, I've walked through a London warped by unfathomable terror, but now ordinary city life is overwhelming. I think I never understood how many people there are on every block until each one became another unpredictable factor to be aware of on my way to the damn corner store," he sighed. "It may be a while before I'm up for anything like a concert."

"It's alright," Martin gave his arm a gentle squeeze. "I'm good at waiting."

For a moment Jon's mind went to a dark, creaking bedroom, air heavy with dust and thick with terror. It's all right. I'm good at waiting. The same phrasing, almost the same tone. Maybe it was to be expected, little parallels like this. Given a person's linguistic habits and enough time it was probably inevitable, but every time something like it happened it floored Jon in the most wonderful way. Some small but meaningful part of the man he loved reflecting and echoing back at him.

If the world didn't end, if he didn't dissolve into spiders or die at the hands of some unfathomable terror, Jon swore someday he'd find the words for how moments like that made him feel. And if he had any courage left in him, he'd tell Martin about it.

"Though, as long as we're talking about that," Martin said, "I've been thinking . . . ."

"In general?" Jon teased.

"Sort of. I've been reading some stuff about adjusting to vision loss? And I know this is fast – well, maybe not fast to you – but it seems to me like it's probably easier, especially at first, if you've got a sighted person staying with you . . ."

He felt himself breathe in sharply, and Martin's words came faster, his tone careful.

"Not - not to do everything for you, of course! I know you can do things yourself. Just to make little things easier, and – you know, that aspect aside it – it might just be nice –"

"Yes," Jon said decisively.

"Because it isn't really just the vision thing – I mean, it's alright if you do need help but it's also alright if you don't – but there's other reasons – "

"My answer is yes."

A faint laugh came out of Martin and he slapped Jon's chest lightly. "Stop agreeing and let me finish."

"Sorry."

"I'm not suggesting moving in. That would be too fast, at least for me," he said. "I'd want to keep my own place, and I'd probably still spend some time there."

"Of course," Jon nodded solemnly. "Perfectly reasonable to want some space of your own."

"Yeah. But if it works for you, I thought I might get a bag together, y'know, just sort of stay for a while? I – hell, I wouldn't, uh, mind the excuse to cook more dinners with you? And I slept better than I had in a while the night I stayed over here."

"So did I."

"I just think it might be nice. If you think so too, of course."

There was a pause as Jon waited, not sure if Martin had more to say. After the silence had dragged on for a while, he spoke up. "Am I allowed to say yes now?"

Martin laughed, nodding against Jon's chest.

"Then yes. I'd be very happy to have you stay here with me."

"Cool. Cool . . . " Martin exhaled. " . . . I love you."

"And I love you."

"More than I'll ever know?"

There was a teasing smile in Martin as he echoed the words Jon had said to him back in the tunnel. Jon was quiet for a moment.

He'd meant those words when he'd said them. It hadn't been a romantic turn of phrase. He'd confessed his feelings in that moment with the understanding that Martin would never be able to see how deep they ran. That he could tell Martin he loved him, but he'd never be able to show him that. He wouldn't have the chance. He found Martin's cheek with a hand, turned his face towards him, then bent down and kissed him, once.

"No," he said. "Not if I can help it."

[alitheamateur]

The Grind-Chapter 15

He escorted me through the tinted glass doors into the predicted booming music filled bar room, people packed from wall to wall, over to a tall tabletop nestled in the corner. Very gentlemanly, he pulled out the empty chair to offer my seat.

“Alright, Liv Elliott, can I get you a drink? What’s your poison?”

“Thanks, uh, I’ll just have a beer, please.” I answered, quivering with slight nerves. He maneuvered his way through the crowd headed in the direction of the bartender, while I waited fretfully alone with my thoughts. He seemed to be nice enough, and clearly easy on the eyes, so much so that my agonizingly neglected sex life was taxing me towards the direction of just sleeping with the man tonight for the hopeful intent of an orgasm.  But, he wasn’t my Colton. My emotionally confused, tormented, asshole Colton.

Snap out of it, woman. The guy dumped you. Very cruelly so. MOVE ON.

Drinks in tow, Luke two-stepped and squeezed through the crowd, making his way back to me.

“A beer for the lady,” he served with a wink. But it wasn’t the same wink that so long ago made me weak. It wasn’t like.. don’t say it, you pathetic fool. “You look stunning in the neon lights, you know?”

Dear God, please be joking with that line, man. He let loose a smothered laugh. Sweet relief. He wasn’t serious.

“Thanks, I think?” I accepted the cheesy, sarcastic compliment. “Tia mentioned you were a personal trainer. That must keep you pretty busy.”

“I do my fair share of push-ups, I guess, yeah. But I enjoy it, honestly. Especially when my clients see the results their looking for. It’ all worth it then, ya’ know?” Okay Luke, so you’re kind, and not a total airheaded muscle bag. Noted.

“Yeah, I’m sure the downtown housewives have a fit over you, huh?” I winked. “Ha ha ha, very funny. I’ll have you know I have several house dads on my clientele list as well, thank you.” He chimed matter of factly. “But, enough of me for now. I need to hear all about the glamourous, successful, posh life of the rising journalist, Liv Elliott.”

Wow. What load of shit had Tia been feeding this poor fellow? “Not much to know, sadly. I’m a bit of a workaholic these days. I was recently promoted at the newspaper I work for, which has definitely added to my work load.” I tapped my index finger on the dampened bar napkin beneath my sweating brown bottle. It did sound a bit tragic when I heard myself say it aloud. I was a soon to be 23 year old single woman, living in a bumbling metropolis, no children, no heavy responsibility other than a steady job which most of the time felt more like a paying hobby than an actual career, and I spent the vast majority of my life tucked away at my desk, or in my lonesome apartment with my nose tucked into my computer. Aside from the occurrences when Tia would suggest dinner, or the occasional appearance at a newly opened nightclub, which I was strangely enough beginning to enjoy a bit.

“Nothing wrong with dedication in my book! I admire that you take what you do seriously. And the fact that you’re a complete knockout just adds to the allure.” Luke said with eyes zeroed into my own.  Swallowing the last swig of my drink, a pang of guilt flinched in my belly. I was genuinely enjoying the banter of small talk the evening had consisted of thus far, but the feelings didn’t go much deeper than that. Not to say necessarily I wanted to be there with Colton instead, because every ounce of remaining conscience within me advised otherwise. I felt it wasn’t wise to be out without anyone yet, considering the state I was in. After returning from the short visit back to Indiana, sure my emotional state was frequenting more on the border of happiness, and almost contentment rather than the doom & gloom of before. But, I was far, far from ready to dive into the dating pool again. The proven dangerous, unruly, painful dating pool. My heart not quite nursed back to it’s original state, and ready to open up to the next Pittsburgh man. Regardless of how purely genuine and handsome that man may be. Luke didn’t deserve to be trampled on, and strung about by an unstable mess of a woman living in a never-ending state of confusion.

“Oh gosh, Luke. Thank you, really.” I tucked a curled strand of hair behind my reddening ear. “Can I be super honest with you right now? At the risk of sounding like a total heartless wench…”

His look narrowed behind stringy eyelashes, and he leaned in. “Uh, sure? Yeah. Shoot.”

Flashes of  what I imagined would’ve likely been a stable, routine, safe and steady relationship with the confused man across from me sparked through my thoughts. All the attributes any sane woman would hunt out in a partner, yet all the things to me that seemed, dull and tedious.

“You have been nothing short of a total charmer since our introduction tonight. And I-” I began before Luke interjected with a cautious smile, and knowing nod.

“Ohhhh, I think I know where this is headed.”

“Any woman, I mean literally any woman, including my clearly stupid self, would be lucky to be in your company. Which is why, I couldn’t look at myself in the mirror again if I carried this far enough to let you get hurt.” My saliva thick with nerves and what I hoped wasn’t regret as I let my date down as easily, and earnestly as I knew how. “You have no idea how bad I sincerely wish I could slap the ignorant decision I’m about to make right out of me… But, I’m just not ready, ya’ know? I’m kind of a pile of wreckage at the moment, and you don’t deserve to have to glue it all back together.”

He bobbed his head lazily and relaxed back into his chair. “As much as I don’t like it, I understand it. Tia kinda informed me that you were still reeling a little from your last relationship. But, since you were honest, can I be the same with you?” He asked politely.

“God, of course. Please!”

He pursed his mouth seriously before beginning. “The loser who did whatever he did to screw you over so badly, is a mindless asshole, who is apparently blind as well. I’ve spent all of a couple hours with you Liv, and even I can see what kind of woman you are. So, don’t sell yourself short, okay? Whether you give him another chance, or someone else who comes along, make sure he deserves you. And hell, by the way Tia talked you up, she might make her own play at you before it’s over.” I laughed at his response, especially his dig at my proud bi-sexual friend, who never hesitated to playfully suggest I take a walk with her on the other side of the sexuality fence.

As the conversation came to a close, Luke took my hand into his, and ushered me kindly to my car outside. I kissed him tenderly on the cheek before he reached down to open the handle of my door.

“If you think it’ll keep Tia off your back, I could always tell her our night ended at your place with hours of relentless love making, if you want.” I puckered my mouth in sincere contemplation of his suggested lie, but considered it be best for both our reputations if we kept it honest.

“As tempting as that little strategy of yours sounds, I think I better just suck it up and take the scolding from her. But thanks for lookin’ out for me.” A thoughtful smile slid onto his lips as he closed to door after I slid into the seat, before he jogged carefully across the crosswalk.

 Following my date with Luke the night before, Tia had texted begging to meet up for brunch at a place closely located between the center of our apartments. I groaned at the backlash I’d no doubt have to suffer at her hand after I spilled the details of how things had played out with her set up. She’d arrived at the restaurant before me, and was seated at an umbrella covered, mosaic table on the front patio, already sipping leisurely on a mimosa. When she saw me approaching, she raised her hands to a cheerful clap, obvious that she hadn’t spoken to Luke yet. Or maybe, talking to Luke was exactly why she was so unreserved with her merriment towards me. Had he decided to go ahead with his salacious fictional story about what had happened a few hours ago between us?

“I ordered you a drink. Now sit, and spill, LC!” She’d decided that would be her given name for me, given my middle name was Caroline.

“Hello to you, Miss Nosey. Whatever happened to not kissing and telling?” I was giving it my all to avoid crashing her excitement.

“Don’t you dare! I need to hear everything!” She gasped with an exasperated eye roll.

When the waitress came back to our table, delivering my fluted glass and jotting down our order, I was thankful for the 3 extra minutes I had that allowed to me to escape her insistent questioning.

“Alright, but when I start talking, you have to swear you won’t interrupt. Just let me say my piece, okay?” I arched a pinky at her in expecting hers to return in a swear.

“I already don’t like what I’m hearing, ma’am….” She sighed between sips.

“He’s like, beautiful. Like Tom Cruise in Top Gun kind of beautiful. And he was so damn polite, Tia.  The perfect gentleman. But, not in a stuffy way, ya’ know?”

“Yes, Liv. I do know. Which is exactly why I wanted you to go out with him to begin with. Go on…” She cocked an obvious displeased brow at me.

“And trust me 100% when I tell you that after I spent some time with him, I really, really tried, Tia. I wanted something to spark, I wanted to feel that little flutter in my belly around him,” I stressed in a contrite tone. “And I know if it had been any other normal, remotely rational female, that it would’ve happened that way…” Before I finished my plea, I downed the hefty remains of my mimosa hoping for an extra ounce of liquid courage. “I’m just n… not ready, I don’t think. I mean, I feel a million pounds lighter than I did 6 months ago, definitely. But, I don’t feel quite ready to move forward with dating anyone just yet.” I ended my thought, hoping there was a sliver of her that would understand where I was coming from. “Do you hate me?”

She huffed dramatically. “Oh fuck, Liv. Stop it! You  know I don’t hate you. Its your life, and I’d never encourage you to do something you don’t feel up to. And, just because I know you’re driving yourself crazy with it, I just want you to know its okay to still love him. Colton, I mean.” I halted any movement as her words registered to me. Breathing included. “I know you despise him for what he did, and rightfully so. The shithead deserves it. But, it’s okay to love him, too. Don’t beat yourself up over that. Love is this stupid, weird, jolting roller-coaster that makes no sense. And whoever you strap into that seat with, whether it be Luke, or Colton, or some rando you haven’t even met yet, it’ll be right. You’re smart, LC. Trust yourself. And if you happen to strap in with someone who turns out to be a vicious psychopath, then I’ll be in the seat right behind you to throw the dude over the side, alright?”

The girl was a God send. I was so unbelievably thankful for my dangerously loyal friend. Something that now made my life somewhat whole. Almost as whole as the veggie omelet I inhaled, after a side order of cheese grits, of course.

“You’re the best. Like, the best of the best, you know that?” I complemented.

She shrugged daftly, smearing cream cheese heavily over her blueberry bagel. “You don’t deserve me, Elliott. What are your plans today?”

I hadn’t thought much about an agenda for today past the brunch with Tia, but I’m sure it’d consist of something along the lines of a yoga session in the living room, maybe a little research for the next match I had to cover, and lastly spending way too much time pruning in a bubble bath.

“Nothing as of yet. Where are you headed? Work today?” I supposed.

“No, I actually have the day off so I’m gonna head over to the Temple for an extra workout.” Tia was referring to Temple Fitness, the gym close by where she was a member.

“Do you have anything coming up? Like, fights, I mean?” She was still striving to get her feet wet in the world of fighting, so competitors weren’t exactly banging her door down with opportunities.

“Not yet, damn it. But my trainer keeps me in shape at all times, just in case something comes along,” she informed me.

Then, a strange glimmer lit inside her blue irises. “As a matter of fact, why don’t you come down with me? When’s the last time you put a workout in, you delicate little pansy?”

As much as I didn’t appreciate her brutal sarcasm, she was actually right. Not to discredit the wonders of hot yoga, but I hadn’t actually had my heart rate elevated in, well, nearly a year. With Colt out of the picture, I’d lost my running partner. Who was also my bedroom partner, which had been my definite first choice in the cardio department.

“Hey, I resent that remark, thank you very much! No matter how accurate it may be. I’d just be in the way though, Tia. You’re training, and I’d just be, standing around.” I laughed off her suggestion.

“There’s plenty of equipment, you bimbo. Ellipticals, treadmills, a pool. Plenty of things to keep you busy, and get your saggy little tush in shape,” Tia winked. “Or, the fancy MMA columnist could maybe do a little training herself to see what a day in the life of her subject is really like.”

I was instantly intrigued at the bold proposal. I’d gotten to sit the sidelines on everything Colton underwent in the days leading up to his match, but nothing remotely close to suffering it firsthand. We’d learned in school that there was no better way to “know” than to “do.”  I would truly have the insiders point of view if I dabbled around with all that entailed in the life of a mixed martial artist, along with that added bonus of gaining what I very much lacked in muscle mass. Not to mention, the education of a bit of self-defense, which wasn’t a bad idea now that I no longer had my own personal body guard to escort me through the ruthless streets of the city. Damn, Tia and her endless ideas that sent my boxed zone of comfort crumbing around me.

“God, I can’t believe I’m agreeing to this. Is there anything you can’t talk me into? Like, it’s getting ridiculous. Stop forcing me to be all, spontaneous and what not.” I spat sarcastically at her.

“Well, I haven’t talked you into bed yet, my oh easily persuaded friend. I’ve spared you,” Tia gawked foolishly across the table. I can only imagine the pink cloud of mortification overcasting my gaping jaw.

What crazy plan had she wrangled me into? My hesitant agreeance already a hard to swallow regret. But, she couldn’t drag me into too much trouble with just a bit of exercise, right?

tags: @torialeysha @eap1935 

[marshmallowatheart]

To All The Boys I’ve Loved Before (Part 36)

(1) (2) (3) (4) (5) (6) (7) (8) (9) (10) (11) (12) (13) (14) (15) (16) (17) (18) (19) (20) (21) (22) (23) (24) (25) (26) (27) (28) (29) (30) (31) (32) (33) (34) (35)

Dear Veronica,

I wish you would talk to me. You have to know that I'm on your side, please believe me when I say all I want to do is protect you.

Lilly's my friend. I know how she can be but honestly she's not as strong as she seems.

If she did do this to you, Veronica, I promise, I won't let it slide.

Please just talk to me.

- L

He sees her by her locker, she stuffs his note into her bag without reading it and he hates this feeling that's coming over him - this dread building up inside him ever since she walked away from him yesterday.

He wants to make them okay again. He wants to hold her and never let go. He wants her to know how much he loves her.

She's focused on her task at hand, pulling books out of her locker that she doesn't notice him or doesn't want to notice him. He's standing from afar and desperately wishes she'd just look at him.

She doesn't.

He's walking towards her because he can't leave them be. He knows she's going to dart away but he needs to try. As he walks, he sees John Enbom roll beside her, smirking and slut sneezing as he passes by her. The crowd around her giggles and he hears someone comment about how it's always the quite ones.

His jaw clenches, his fist flex open and close at his side as he moves forward and then he has John Enbom by his throat, pushed up against the locker. "You," he's got a firm grip on his collar, eyes staring deadly into his so-called friends. "Say you're sorry."

"Dude, what's the problem? I thought you were done with her," Enbom says, trying to get out of Logan's clutches. "She's a skank," he says, bewildered at his friend's reaction.

Logan pushes against him with even more force, intense eyes, threatening, daring. "If you've got a problem with Veronica, you’re pretty much dead to me."

He lets go of Enbom, turning to the whole crowd; it's all 09ers. He knows how they can be but this was Veronica. How could they do this to her? "So just like evaporate or something. I don't care."

The boy squirms away, muttering his apology as he retreats and finally, Logan looks to Veronica and offers his hand, it feels like he needs it more than her.

She's staring up at him with utter surprise and he hates himself for making her feel like this is something he wouldn't do for her, like she doesn't mean this much to him. She means everything. He lets out a breath when she locks her palm with his and he gives it a firm squeeze as they move down the hall, away from the crowd.

--vm--

"Are you okay?" He asks once they're settled on the bleachers and she lightly nods her head. "I'm sorry all this happened. I should have been with you from the start then maybe they wouldn't have -"

She kisses him between his words, he's surprised because he doesn't deserve kisses after what he's let happened to her but he takes it. He takes all that she gives him even if he doesn't deserve it.

"It's not like I let them get to me," she brushes away. "Enbom's lucky you got there in time or he would have had to face my wrath."

His hand holds hers, he tries to smile at her words because he knows she's strong but he doesn't want her to have to be. "Has this been happening since yesterday?"

"Yeah," she admits quietly. "The sneezes. Second rate comments. Just regular gossip," she shrugs off. "Carmen's gotten the brunt of it. At least I didn't get people calling me at home. It'd be ballsy to call the sheriff's house and no one's got any here."

"I just don't get why Lilly would do this to you," he shakes his head.

"Logan," she lets out, tired, frustrated. She wishes she could tell him she doesn't want to hear him say Lilly's name ever again.

"I understand she's your friend," she says, voice calm, collected. She doesn't want to fight with him again; she'd gotten a headache and it's exhausting trying to avoid him when he's constantly trying to find her.

They've just made up; he's stood up for her in front of all his friends. A part of her wishes that message had also included Lilly, that Lilly was there to see it but it still meant a lot. She's never had anyone stick up for her like that.

"And you don't want to think the worst of her," she continues, closing her her eyes for a second as she stops herself from saying even though you've experienced the worst from her.

"But Lilly hates me," she tells him, eyes set on his. She wants to say, Lilly hates me because she loves you. She doesn't. She doesn't want Logan to have ideas of Lilly loving him again. She doesn't want Logan to chose between them; Lilly and him have history that's surpassed the test of time, they've chosen each other again and again - even over her. She doesn't want him to choose because there's a high possibility that he might not choose her.

"This isn't a fight between the three of us," she says because if it is all she can think is Veronica VS Lilly and Logan. "It's between Lilly and I."

He's shaking his head, tightening his hold on her hand and says, "If it is Lilly, there's no way I can forgive her for this."

She can't hide the surprise that comes over her when he says that. "What?"

"I've forgiven her for so much, Veronica. So much. But I can't forgive her for hurting you after I told her that I love you."

He stares at her will brown eyes full of love and dedication. His hands hold hers with warm affection and she's at a loss of what to say.

Her heart beats a little faster, her eyes stare into his with unreserved love and gratitude. He's choosing her. He's choosing her.

She's so in love with this boy in front of her that she doesn't know what to do with it. She's filled up with emotions she's only ever felt with him, for him - only now it's intensified to the point of no return.

She kisses him, hands cupping his face and trailing down to his collar. It lasts only a few seconds; she's so overwhelmed with her feelings that she knows she's going to want more than just a make out session if they don't stop.

His forehead rests on hers, hands hugging her shoulders and she breaths into his shirt. She's missed the smell of sea salt and sandalwood.

--vm--

It doesn't take her long to figure it out - not with the help of her new friend Cindy Mackenzie; computer whiz and overall cool kid.

It's been a while since she's been this active in an investigation; following leads, doing stakeouts and snapping incriminating photos of scenes she'd rather not see.

Things come into perspective rather easily when she finds one key piece. So she follows the frog to the pond and finds all of her answers with camera in hand. She doesn't know if she feels disappointed or relieved when she realises she has to apologize to Logan that night.

Because what she finds is Kimmy smacking nasties with the IT guy. She doesn't know what she's done to offend the girl, she's never so much as had a conversation with her but she's damn well going to find out.

It's the next day that she finds out and realises that she doesn't owe Lilly Kane a damned thing.

Veronica's got a taped confession from Kimmy, it airs during the morning News update for the whole school to see.

"Please, it wasn't me," comes the voice and panicked face of Kimmy.

"Then who was it?" Veronica's tight and demanding voice breaks through.

"It was Lilly," the panicky girl admits. "Lilly posted the test for you. She hates you because you stole Logan from her. I only posted Carmen’s, I swear," Kimmy pleads for Veronica to believe her.

Unseen on screen, Veronica has photographic proof of Kimmy's sexual relations with the IT guy that's much older than her.

"Why would you do that?"

"She gets everything I want," Kimmy complains, frustrated as though she's the one that's been wronged. "Everything. Lead in the musical, the anchor job. She should have just stuck to playing soccer but no she wanted everything."

Veronica accepts the reasoning, feeling no remorse for the girl before her and chirps, "Thanks, Kimmy."

"Wait, what did you-" the video ends and the apologies begin.

--vm--

Despite Logan's promises, she hadn't expected anything to change between him and Lilly because Lilly Kane always had an excuse and everyone always fell for it - especially Logan.

So she'd had her own form of vengeance; because life's made her tough and to survive you had to get even. That is until she'd accidentally overheard Logan's conversation with Lilly.

"It was a joke," Lilly dismisses her actions, arms crossed, clearly upset about being their conversation. "Where's your sense of humour?"

"I defended you, Lil," he sighs, shaking his head as though he were a disappointed father. "I can't anymore."

Lilly falters at this, her green eyes pierce into him and she asks, "You can't anymore?"

"We're done," he lets out, backing away.

"What?" Her brows shoot up and her mouth curls with annoyance. "Are you breaking up with me? Do you want your friendship bracelet back?" She snaps.

"Was there a friendship bracelet to start of with? Because clearly I didn't mean as much to you as you did to me," he says with finality as he walks away.

Veronica watches as Lilly's face crumbles up when Logan walks away. She doesn't remember the last time she's seen Lilly about to cry - she thinks the answer is never.

All her plans on getting even fly out the window. She never thought Logan choosing her would make her feel guilty.

--vm--

She's on her way to the parking lot to wait for Logan to come when she spots Duncan. It's then that she remembers the email that was sent to him from her email address that confessed feelings of existing love. She wants to facepalm herself for not clearing things up earlier.

She doesn't want them to go back into the state of awkwardness that had formed during the last time he had thought she was confessing her love for him.

She jogs up a bit to catch up to him and calls, "Duncan, hey."

"Hey," he turns, nodding his head and offering a smile.

"Somebody stole my computer password and used it to sent fake emails from me to you so I don't still love you. Just so that you know," she rushes out, awkwardly and partly embarrassed.

He nods his head, understanding smile and assuring eyes and it feels like the Duncan she's always known. It's strange how for the longest time she'd thought she'd been in love with him. It's stranger that all those feelings, for all those years were a candle light in comparison to the wildfire that consumes her when she was with Logan.

"Are you okay?" He asks, he'd heard the rumours, he'd seen the broadcast and he'd tried to talk to her but she was always on the go.

As she nods her head, she feels Logan's hand slid around her waist, pulling her closer as he drops a kiss on her forehead. "Hey, Sugarpuss. DK. How's it going?"

Duncan nods. "Just talking about how crazy this week has been. You know you really should get a harder password," Duncan points out.

"Please, like yours isn't soccer4eva," she remarks, rolling her to eyes.

"No, it's not," he denies, slightly wide eyed, disbelieving on how she knows that.

Veronica chuckles and Logan cuddles further into her as he eyes Duncan. "Whatever you say, Duncan," she waves as they move along to Logan's X-Terra.

--vm--

"So," Logan says as he settles into the drivers side. "You up for ice cream?"

She turns to him with a giddy smile, "Always."

He chuckles, smiling as the ignition rumbles and he accelerates away.

[k1tt3nhau5]

TodoChako: Missed Chances

Uh, well I can’t say it’ll be good. Because I honestly feel like it’s lacking a little but I can’t figure a way to fix it. So I’m gonna post it. 

Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of TodoMomo, MidoTsuyu

It was not news of their relationship. In fact, a lot of people were pushing for them to hook up since their test against Aizawa in the first year, before summer break. And it made sense. It made the most perfect sense that Shouto Todoroki and Momo Yaoyorozu would end up getting married along the way. She was an intelligent woman with a very well versed quirk that aided many hero’s along the way. And not only that, she could handle herself much better now than she had when they first started school. It was a no brainer that Todoroki was an amazing hero now, deciding to follow his own path to heroism and becoming someone far better than his father could ever be. Together, they were the perfect duo.

So why did it hurt?

Uraraka ran her fingers through her hair, lengthened from the lack of time to be able to cut it. She had preferred to keep it short, finding trouble managing it during battles and on one occasion, getting blinded by it. THAT was something for the media to eat up. Even remembering it made her face flush, her eyes shutting to avoid thinking about it any further as she ran her fingers through her hair again. She remembered how embarrassed she was when she had been interviewed by one hell bent news reporter that just didn’t know the meaning of “personal space” as she stuck the microphone right at her face and asking what happened.

Just forget about it! It’s in the past and I should be over it by now. Opening her eyes, she looked down at the invitation sitting on her table, focusing on the date written in beautiful calligraphy. Probably Momo’s idea. It was a nice westernized card, simple in design, but rather elegant. Uraraka noticed the fact that the card was in two colors, a bold red and a snowy white. Definitely meant to symbolize Todoroki’s hair.

Just mentioning his name sent a pang through Uraraka’s heart, and she held her fist to her chest, not understanding why she was upset about it. She was in love with Deku during their first year of school, and though they tried dating and it fell through, she never thought she’d set her eyes on Todoroki. Hell, if she was going to start liking anyone else, Bakugo had a better chance than Todoroki. Though she felt an attraction to Bakugo, she fondly smiled that she was happy it wasn’t an actual feeling of love. She enjoyed him as a friend. Unreserved and wild, he was a damn fine hero, even if people still ran in fear of him when the fight was over, afraid to approach “King Explosion Murder”.

Sighing, she leaned back into her seat, staring up at the light fixture, her forearm pressing against her forehead, shielding her eyes from the direct light as she thought back to when she started to feel something for the Icy-Hot hero.

It had to have been towards their second year of UA High School. When she had been in her relationship with Deku, Todoroki had begun to hang out with their group more often due to Deku and Iida being such good friends with him. So she saw him more often, spoke with him more often, and even without realizing it, she began to get closer to him more often. Despite their differences in social standing and academics, the pair had a lot in common with expressing themselves and bottling up their emotions. Though Todoroki was much more reserved, choosing to keep a cooler exposure, Uraraka had been the opposite, opting out for a much more bubbly personality. And it was something the pair could discuss, Uraraka getting called out by Todoroki when he noticed she had been especially cheerful during one of the tests they underwent, her score being less than promising in her opinion.

He had spoken to her often, both meeting up despite the gang not hanging out, Todoroki expressing his concern for his mother’s health, how his siblings worried about him thanks to Endeavor pushing him so hard to be something he’s not, and wondering if he’d ever be the hero he wanted to be without his father’s influences bleeding through his own beliefs and morals. It was deep, and Uraraka always listened, encouraging him that he didn’t have to worry about any of that. They still had a long road of ahead of them and they were all still improving and finding themselves. She told him he’ll find the answer to his questions along the way, and that he’ll be an amazing hero. One that everyone could rely on.

Uraraka remembered that day, felt that in that moment, one snowy December, he had looked at her with such sincerity, his lips turning up into a small smile as he thanked her, she knew that it was in that moment she began to feel something for him. And that was ironically when her feelings for Deku had become more apparent that it was platonic to her. When she was able to see the way Tsuyu-chan had been looking at Deku, that she had feelings for him but had remained silent since Uraraka had been so close to him. That she was able to tell that, although he harbored feelings for her, he was interested in Tsuyu-chan quite a bit.

She had been fine with the decision of breaking up, and still was to this day, happy that her friends were very happy together, the pair having gone through their first anniversary as a married couple earlier in the year. Gazing fondly at the framed picture on the wall, Uraraka smiled at the look of their smiling faces, Deku with tears in his eyes as he stood next to his beautiful wife for their wedding photos.

The feeling didn’t last long, her phone alerting her that someone messaged her. Looking down at the screen, she felt her heart drop into her stomach, staring at the name with tears burning at her eyes. Since when did it bother her this much that she’d start crying? Uraraka never believed she would be the type to get this emotional over something like this, but even as she stared at the name, her hands shook with emotion, unable to even unlock her phone to read the message.

Why does he want to talk to me? We haven’t spoken to each other much since he began dating Momo-chan. That was almost six years ago! It had been brief, whatever they had. Their nights of talking, hanging out, of her feelings for him that she was so confused over if they were even real or just a fabrication of their deep conversations. By the end of their second year, Momo had began to hang around Todoroki. That they spent more time together as Uraraka was left alone. She always believed it was fine. She wasn’t bothered by it at all. And when Todoroki spoke of her, seeking out advice from her, even though she wasn’t the only one he spoke to, Uraraka always ignored the strange feelings she felt in her chest when he mentioned Momo’s name. She was glad to help her friend in any way that she could. And when they had finally hooked up, she was happy. She was happy.

She was happy.

Uraraka bit down on her lips, eyes shutting as her body shook. It took six years to realize that she had been jealous of Momo. It took six years to realize that she had feelings for Todoroki. She had six years to realize that she didn’t date anyone after Deku because she wasn’t interested in anyone but the duo element hero. She always figured she just wasn’t interested in the dating aspect, more focused on her goal to help her parents financially. Uraraka never realized it was just because what was the point in being with someone else when the person she wanted to be with was in love with another?

She was so stupid! Why the hell did she have to have feelings for him? Why did she have to realize those feelings? Why the hell did she even receive a wedding invitation from them? The last time her and Todoroki spoke, it was after his engagement, and she was utterly confused why he had wanted to speak to her personally about it. When she went to go meet him, she had felt her heart beat wildly in her chest, his hair was slicked back and he definitely had filled out much more. Long gone was his boyish looks, replaced with much more masculine definition. He didn’t look like Endeavor, thankfully, but he was definitely much more attractive now than he had been before. And he was rather attractive before.

They met up near a shop they used to frequent together, which had brought back feelings and memories. It was typical, chatting with each other, catching up, talking about their lives. He had chosen to create his own agency, to make a name for himself for himself. And Uraraka, at the time, was working as a sidekick alongside Gunhead, feeling that she still needed a lot to learn about hand to hand combat and sharpen her skills for quick reaction time. By the end of the day, he asked about how she felt about his engagement, looking at her with an emotion she couldn’t put a name to, waiting for her answer. The news made her happy. At least that’s how she felt she was supposed to feel. She was supposed to be happy for her friend. But the news put her into a depressive state of mind, something she was used to because she always felt she could do much better to be a more reliable hero, but how it came to be was shocking to her.

Uraraka remembered telling him how she was thrilled he was getting engaged, that he found someone he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. That Momo was such an amazing woman, talented and intelligent, but also kind-hearted, a natural born leader, and the two were very compatible. She talked up Momo a lot that day, and thinking back on it now, she felt maybe she was inadequate towards her friend. That she pointed out all her positive qualities, she never thought that maybe that made her sound like she was jealous of her. That Todoroki realized that, because he knew her better than anyone. Because that day, when they both said their goodbyes, he seemed disappointed in her words as he walked back home. She stood there, confused, looking at him longingly until she couldn’t see him anymore before returning home.

What if he wanted me to tell him that I… was sad about his engagement? That it bothered me that he was going to marry Momo? What if… he had feelings for me? And by not being true to my feelings, he felt maybe I was just…? No! That’s not it. It meant nothing. He wants to marry Momo-chan. He dated her when we were in school. He loved her. He never looked happier than he was with her. Uraraka knew it was nothing short of the truth. Todoroki loved Momo-chan and they deserve to be happy together. Even if she realized her feelings for Todoroki… even if she was too late… She was still going to support her two friends for finding each other.

Her phone’s messaging sounded off, causing Uraraka to look down onto her lap. It still remained in her hands, the screen display showing she had another message from Todoroki. It had been almost twenty minutes since he sent the last message, and Uraraka wiped her eyes from the tears she shed without realizing it, taking a deep breath and reading the contents.

He wanted to meet up with her again in the same place as before to talk to her in about two hours. The second message had been asking for confirmation if she was going to be there, along with a concern if she was okay. Both of those questions made Uraraka nervous. She didn’t want to go see him. She didn’t want to be there and confront what she had been oblivious to from the very beginning. And she was not okay. Far from it. She was a nervous wreck! Uraraka had never been so confused about her feelings like this before and the sudden realization that she actually had been in love with Todoroki was just too much for her to handle it normally.

Running her fingers through her hair, she breathed out, taking calming breaths and setting the phone to the side as she did her breathing exercises she learned from Gunhead. A foggy mind could mean death to a hero. Only once you calm down and breathe, could you think clearly for what you need to do. She needed to see him. She should see him. Because no matter how much time had passed, no matter how brief their close friendship was, Todoroki was still her friend and she wanted to show him that she was happy he was getting married.

Easier said than done.

It was a brisk November, Uraraka had wished she layered up more. She figured it was fine, black jeans, a long sleeve underneath a sweater and her coat, but her nerves had made her more aware of the cold air than normal. As she breathed on her hands, grateful she wore a knit hat and a scarf, she sat outside the shop that had closed early for the night. The elderly shop keeper had probably been unable to stand the cold, much like her, and opted to go home before the temperature dropped even further. She was grateful for that, despite her disappointment that the shop was closed, so she couldn’t go in for some hot tea. She would’ve been worried about him having to go home in such an unbearable temperature.

Sitting on the bench in front of his shop, Uraraka closed her eyes and focused on keeping herself warm by putting her hands into her sleeves and hugging herself close, breathing in and out softly to try and calm the nerves. What’s taking so long? Did I get here too early? Oh I didn’t even check the time when I got here! For all I know, I could be an hour early. Or maybe I’m so late, Todoroki went home! If that were the case, I feel so awful for being late. But… maybe it would be better that way. I don’t think I could really handle being around him. And that way I could make an excuse that I had been dealing with a villain.

So consumed with her thoughts, Uraraka didn’t notice Todoroki approaching her until he was holding out his hand, flames erupting from the palm, the sound startling Uraraka that she reacted offensively, throwing a well-aimed punch at him in self-defense. He avoided it by stepping back, reaching to grab her wrist in response, but she had pulled her arm back, jumping into a fighting stance. Her eyes burned, ready to take down a villain that tried sneaking up on her, but when she saw it was Todoroki, she panicked.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry Todoroki-kun! I didn’t mean to try to hit you, I just thought you were a villain trying to pick a fight with me and I just reacted without thinking. Ah, I’m such an idiot! I’m really sorry!” Bowing at him, Uraraka felt her entire face burn with embarrassment, her  hair protecting her by hiding her shame from Todoroki’s view. It was the interview all over again, only this time, she felt even more embarrassment since this was Todoroki looking at her, probably judging her, than everyone making jokes about wind being her biggest enemy. She knew they didn’t really mean to tease her to be cruel, but damn that was still embarrassing!

“It’s okay, Uraraka. You don’t have to apologize. It’s good that you reacted so quickly. I wouldn’t have been able to dodge that hit if I didn’t react fast enough. Just means that you continue to improve to be the best hero you could be.” Ah, his voice was deeper. The sound sent a shiver down her spine, Uraraka hesitantly looking up to see him. Her breath hitched, voice caught in her throat as she gazed at Todoroki. He was so handsome, his hair was still slicked back, his face angular instead of roundish, but with a new addition of a scar from his jawline on the left side that went downward, the rest of it hidden beneath the scarf around his neck. Though she couldn’t see his body, his heavy coat in the way -- probably Momo’s idea since she worried like that -- she could still make out his broad shoulders and thick arms. Definitely from training and fighting.

He took her breath away, and she felt her heart beat harder in her chest when she straightened up, his eyes on her, taking her appearance in. She must look so sloppy.

“Well you look well.” Uraraka smiled at him, trying to ease her racing heart as she walked around the bench to sit down. Todoroki walked towards her, sitting beside her, giving her some space as she rubbed her hands together. More out of nerves than actually being cold. In fact, since he was here, she felt so much warmer. “I’m surprised you wanted to meet me right now. It’s so cold! I feel like a popsicle!”

“I’m sorry for troubling you like this. I just wanted to see how you were doing. I haven’t seen you since the last time we talked.” Todoroki looked at her, Uraraka averting her gaze away from his to look at the shop, so as not to give him a reason to think she was avoiding looking at him. “I didn’t think it would be closed so soon, but I can understand why it would be.”

“It’s okay. I would’ve worried about the man running the shop. He’s so nice but elderly, this cold probably would’ve made him sick.” She turned her head away to look up at the sky, keeping a smile on her face as she saw the stars glittering in the dark. “The sky’s beautiful tonight. I love looking up at them. It makes me feel better. With the world being so chaotic thanks to quirks, the world still shows it’s beauty.”

“You always loved looking at the night sky. I remember you wanted to go stargazing up in the mountains to get a much clearer view.” He remembered that? Uraraka blushed at something so silly about that. Of course he’d remember. They spoke a lot to each other. They were friends.

“Yeah! I managed to see it too a couple months back. Deku and Tsuyu-chan invited me and Iida to go with them on a mission. And during our travel, we stayed in a hotel with a hot spring. We had enjoyed looking up at the night sky, and I was able to see everything for what it had to offer. It was so beautiful! We could see constellations and the moon was so bright. I’ll never forget it.” Uraraka had really loved her time there. But she felt depressed as well. Thinking back on it… she must’ve felt bad that she couldn’t share such an experience with someone special. Deku and Tsuyu-chan looked so happy together. And though Iida was there, he had someone to share the view with later on when he took his girlfriend. Uraraka had no one. She was still alone.

“It sounds like you really enjoyed yourself. I’m glad.” She only nodded, ready to turn to look at him before he continued. “I remember going up there with Momo. She absolutely loved the view and enjoyed the hot springs.” Uraraka felt her chest hurt deeply, her fingers twitching as emotion swelled up into her throat. The feeling was absolutely dreadful, and she refused to look anywhere else, keeping her eyes up in the sky. But it was hard to see anything, the tears blurring her vision as she vividly imagined Momo and Todoroki enjoying a romantic weekend together, both of them in the springs, his arm around her while she leaned into his chest. Todoroki probably would look up, but his gaze would definitely be on Momo, finding her far more beautiful than anything.

There was a few minutes of silence, neither speaking as Uraraka worked hard on leveling her voice, swallowing down her feelings before opening her mouth to speak. “I’m glad you both are getting married. You seem so right for each other, it makes sense to spend the rest of your lives together.” She still couldn’t look at him, she didn’t think she had the strength to do so. If she saw him right now, she’d worry he could see everything. That he could see straight into her soul, see the feelings she wanted to suppress and keep hidden. “I’m so happy for you two. Momo-chan is such a wonderful person, and I’m glad that she makes you happy.”

Nothing. Todoroki hadn’t said anything and Uraraka didn’t know if it was because he was thinking about his fiancee or if he was wondering about her behavior. Minutes still ticked by, and Uraraka finally had enough, bowing her head and breathing in deeply to calm herself down and finding the courage to face him. Her brown eyes glanced at him briefly, noticing he was looking at her. She hesitated, but finally turned her head to look at him fully.

He was staring at her, had been for a while, and she swore he looked disappointed in her again. What did she do? Did he know she was pushing herself to make it seem she was okay? As if he read her mind, he sighed.

“Why do you do that? You did it before, when I talked to you when I said we were engaged. And then again, when I was asking you about dating advice. You hide your feelings, avoid expressing how you really feel.” He… He noticed all of that? Since the beginning?

“What are you talking abou--”

“I’m talking about how you feel about us.” He interjected, looking at her seriously. “I had noticed it bothered you in the beginning, but I wasn’t sure what about it was bothering you. I admit I didn’t piece it together until I met you again after the engagement announcement, but even now, you can’t come forward to admit you’re bothered about this? About Momo and I getting married?”

Uraraka bit her lip, a shameful feeling washing over her as she looked down to avoid his eyes. What was she supposed to say? She didn’t know what bothered her about it? That only found out now that she had feelings for him? That she didn’t know what bothered her all those years ago until she got the invitation in the mail to see the man she loved marry another woman? That they were both her friends and she had no reason to be upset about anything! What was she supposed to say? She clenched her hands tightly, her nails digging into the palm of her hands as she tried so hard to keep herself in check.

“Uraraka,” he spoke, quietly, not wanting to startle her. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know if I should send the invitation, but I couldn’t tell Momo the reason why I had reservations to do so. I know she would’ve handled the news, but I still hesitated. I don’t want her to pity you. I don’t want her to hate you if there was a possibility. I just wanted to see if you were okay.”

He wanted to see if she was okay? So he knew all along that she had feelings for him? Even when she, herself, had no idea?!

“What are you talking about?” Uraraka looked at him, her tears sliding down her cheeks as she rode her new found anger. Even if it wasn’t justified. Even if it didn’t make a whole lot of sense. She felt angry that he would say something like that to her. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. What do you mean you didn’t want to tell her? Tell her what? What is there to tell? What is there to say about me? You seem to think that I feel something, or that I felt something in the past, when I have no idea what you’re going on about. You think you know something, so tell me. Because I’m in the dark about whatever you’re thinking.”

Todoroki didn’t hesitate, his eyes never wavering as he watched her. Looked at her, taking account every little detail that convinced him more and more of something he already knew.

“That you’ve been in love with me since high school.”

Uraraka let out a soft cry, her hand covering her mouth to avoid any other sounds from escaping as she trembled. She didn’t even know of her feelings until today. She didn’t know anything until today! Yet he knew. He knew about it before she could. And it just upset her because what was going to happen? That he was going to tell her he loved her? That he wished she spoken up sooner? That she realized her feelings sooner before he fell deeply for Momo? What was she supposed to say? What the hell was she supposed to do!?

Nothing was going to get better. It was just going to get worse from this point on. How was she going to sit there, watch as Todoroki waited for his bride to be walk down the aisle? That she she would look as breathtaking as ever, dressed in white, going to meet the love of her life who waited for her? That she could smile, laugh, and cheer when they kiss? When they stand there as man and wife? How was she going to ignore the awful jealousy and pain and just be happy? How? Nothing about it was going to be easy. Uraraka was alone. And though she was still young, it didn’t make it any easier that she’d find happiness right away. She’d endure a lot of misery and regret.

She hadn’t realized she was openly crying, that she was hugging herself so tightly as she cried next to him. She just kept thinking about everything, every feeling that was going through her body as she tried to come to terms with the fact that the man she found she loved was never going to be hers. Not even for a moment. The night was so cold. The sky was so beautiful. But Uraraka was numb to it all. She was numb to the way her hands had felt frozen, that the tears that cascaded down her cheeks chilled her skin. That her nose was red and stuffy and that her voice felt hoarse from her crying. She didn’t notice any of it.

What she did notice was him. What she did notice that suddenly she felt so much warmer. She did notice that he held her, tucking her head beneath his chin, letting her head rest on his chest as he hugged her. He let her cry, let her clutch his coat and sob. He felt so warm. She felt so safe in his arms. It felt right to be there. But that alone made her cry that much harder. Because he wouldn’t ever hold her again. He wouldn’t stroke her hair to encourage her to continue to let out her emotions. He wouldn’t be there like this for her. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. But for the brief moment, she allowed herself to be comforted, even if it would only hurt when it was over.

And she hated so much that she loved it every second of it.

[astrxd]

Service With a Smile CH 15

A/N: [Weak fanfare/jazz hands.]

CH 1 | CH 2 | CH 3 | CH 4 | CH 5 | CH 6 | CH 7 CH 8 | CH 9 | CH 10 | CH 11 | CH 12 | CH 13 | CH 14

Quiet, low whistling filled her ears. They were sweet notes--slow, calming...

She didn’t know what she was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t a proposal. A dance proposal, that is. But…

Either way, Astrid couldn’t find any reason to refuse--especially with the lovely song that was resonating throughout the marble interior of the reception hall. She was almost certain that she detected various parts of the melody that had been interwoven during the wedding march, and though her gaze was momentarily locked on the newlywed couple swaying to the tune of the music, it soon shifted up and towards the space at her side.

Towards Hiccup.

He was regarding the scene before them unfold with something that looked vaguely like nostalgia. The faint gleam in his eye gave her the impression that he was familiar with the song being played, and the quirk of his lips clued her in on his… mixed feelings? She couldn’t tell, exactly, even with their close proximity--what with the suddenly dimmed lights, and all that. The only thing that stuck out to her were still his eyes.

They almost made her own chest hurt a little, actually. There was just an absurd amount of emotion there, and--

It took her a moment to register the fact that they were now staring right back at her, but when she did process it, Astrid didn’t falter. Rather, she stood her ground, and she… She offered him a small, easy smile, not particularly mindful of the way that other pairs started to edge onto the dancefloor once solely occupied by the bride and groom.

“Either there’s something on my face, or…” Hiccup said, both sounding and looking sheepish. She couldn’t help but bite her lip in order to refrain from laughing, though her shoulders did shake the slightest bit.

“You’re fine,” she assures him, prior to gently squeezing his arm and taking a step onto the marble tile. Really, she could have sworn that under the yellow glow of the lights that seemed to freely hover above them, his cheeks flushed slightly--so her smile broadened just a little bit more. (It was the context of “fine,” probably.) “Are we dancing, or what? I didn’t agree to just stand here with you.”

“Yeah, okay, then.” Hiccup breathed out a note of laughter as she lead them both deeper into the loose throngs of couples slowly swaying in time to the music, but he seemed to remain the slightest bit distant while she did so. It was mildly concerning, to be frank--though Astrid did manage to draw him back to the present by gingerly setting her palms atop his shoulders.

At least, she assumed that she did, solely based upon the way he blinked owlishly at her before actually placing his hands respectfully on her waist. She could sense a slight hesitation there, but it was endearing! Astrid didn’t think that tentativeness could be that cute, but it worked for Hiccup.

A lot of things worked for Hiccup--even being a sarcastic asshole when they first met still landed him in among her favor.

It was a little strange, given Astrid was so used to the mouthy, downright sassy ways of Hiccup Haddock that she had grown to known over the course of the past few days. To see him so oddly timid and at a loss for anything smart to say was slightly off putting, seeing as only moments ago, they were exchanging casual snark as if it were their secret language.

...Huh.

So perhaps it was a secret language of sorts, known only by them. It was kind of… cute. In a sickening way that Astrid thought she’d never experience again as a high school graduate. Hiccup simply seemed to have a thing for (pleasantly) surprising her--that night at his house, back in the gardens… The more she reflected upon it, the more rushed and unorthodox their current relationship felt. Astrid knew she was racing against a clock here, but it was only then that she acknowledged it--in the middle of a dance.

“You’re thinking,” he pointed out, snapping her out of her thoughts. Astrid’s eyes widened for a moment, but she lowered them wryly after another.

“No--really? What gave you that idea?”

“Oh, nothing in particular. Just the contemplative expression and look of complete adoration you’re wearing while you stare at me...”

“Shut it, nerd,” Astrid snorted and gently slapped her hand against the corner of his shoulder before re-looping both of them around his neck. “You’re the one who’s distant. What are you thinking about, anyway?” She asked… Even though she already had a semblance of an idea.

Hiccup responded with nothing more than a strained half-smile and the briefest glance over his shoulder in the direction of his parents. Astrid furrowed her brow and pursed her lips, only seconds before opening it again to respond--

Then? Oh, then the beat of the song picked up, and Hiccup started humming. He dismissed her concerns with a rushed “Later; don’t worry about it right now,” then proceeded to move his palms from her sides to hold her hands instead. A strange way to dance with someone, but oddly fitting.

“What are you--woah-kay!” Astrid exclaimed. Hiccup swung her in a wide circle, and she would have tripped, if it hadn’t been for the way he pulled her back in toward him, surprisingly in time to the music. They were chest to chest, face to face--but only for a moment, because Hiccup looped and crossed his arms around her so that he ended up behind her. She had a growing suspicion that he was more than just familiar with the song playing, and when she looked in front of her to see his parents dancing in a similar manner, the fractures he set in her heart got a little worse, all in the very best, crushing way. He twirled her around, and she was at the complete mercy of his lead.

And she liked--no, she was loving it.

Yet again, they stood before one another. They could have kept a penny suspended between their torsos. Or--a magazine, because that’s a little more Princess Diaries. And with the way they fell into the fountain… Everything sort of was unfolding in a fantasy-esque, family-friendly romcom sort of way.

The smile he wore didn’t help either.

“Dancing, obviously. Do I look like I slow dance?” He inquired. Astrid tried not to notice the way his lips quirked up at one and, but she noticed anyway.

She didn’t know why she was thinking about it now, but she realized that she’d miss him--the turns of phrase conversation loaded with sarcasm and dry humor, the particular and unique cadence of his speech, his lopsided smile...

“No, not really,” Astrid admitted, gently squeezing his hands. She was breathless--not because she was winded, but because she hadn’t known that she was holding onto her breath in the first place. “You look like the type to do interpretive dance to the Top 15 in your bedroom when nobody’s watching.”

Hiccup laughed. It was a low laugh, reserved for her, but somehow unreserved in general at the same time. She noticed how his eyes would crinkle in the corners when he did, and she noticed the little slit between his two front teeth, and she noticed how bright his eyes were in comparison to how dull they seemed earlier--

Her heart clenched and her chest cinched around it.

This was so, so unfair.

Unfair to her heart.

Unfair to her head.

Unfair to him.

How could she do this to him? Hiccup looked like he was so… Happy. Finally at peace, despite the rocky waters he treaded with his parents--especially at that very moment. While it wasn’t as if Astrid herself didn’t feel that same swelling joy bubble in her stomach and threaten to spill from her lips in the form of a laugh, she simply couldn’t bring herself to let go again.

That’s what she did in the gardens--let go. She let go of her inhibitions, of her worries and her fears and her hesitations about getting involved with Hiccup. That felt like the right thing to do at the moment, because he was so close and she couldn’t stop staring at forest green eyes slashed with gorgeous gold.

Right then wasn’t any different. She looked at him--really, really looked at him--and felt… Terrible.

Because in the matter of less than a day, she would be gone. She would be on a plane back to her own city, which was an entirely different type of charming in comparison to the little town of Berk. She’d be gone, and Hiccup would be alone again, and he’d be living in a house with his married mother and father without her to be there for him if he needed to get out of a hairy situation. She found comfort in the fact that he still had his gang of friends to back him up, but the more she thought about it…

Was she really going to do this? Make him think that she was capable of supporting him, in the way that she knew he needed to be supported? And then just up and leave town, leave Hiccup. While the modern 21st century made distance much more bearable, Astrid didn’t think that cellphones could fill her absence if she let things continue at the rate that they were.

...The young Hofferson soon realized that she already started down that path. She already made that mistake.

Astrid had been so sure of herself only an hour or so earlier, too. She kissed him, and they kissed again, and then they kissed again. Her lips tingled when she thought about those seemingly endless moments, where Hiccup firmly held her close, as if she’d slip away if he didn’t do so.

It struck her then that he would be right, if that was what he was thinking--

“...Astrid?”

It took her a moment to snap back to reality, but when she did, Astrid realized that Hiccup was pressing his forehead to hers--she realized that he was staring intently, almost concernedly, right at her.

“Astrid,” he began again. She realized that she didn’t even respond to him earlier, and instead went silent. At a loss for words, she searched his eyes and worried expression, only to end up blankly gazing and gaping at him. “What’s wrong? Did... I--are you, are you okay?”

...That just wasn’t right at all. The knife in her chest was just being viciously twisted around at this point.

None of this wasn’t supposed to be about her--making it about her had never been the intention. She knew that, despite Hiccup’s exterior, he was hurting inside… Because, really, how could she not know that? With the way the past few hours played out, it was impossible for him to just be… Okay. An emotional rollercoaster like that had to have impacted him somehow, because it certainly hit her like a truck.

And she was just the wedding planners’ daughter.

Astrid’s gaze briefly strayed from Hiccup’s as she looked over his shoulder again, over at his parents, who were currently beaming at each other. Guilt gnawed at her heartstrings.

He was the newlywed’s son, for God’s sake! The unprofessionalism behind cultivating a relationship with Hiccup Haddock definitely occurred to her, but she elected to ignore it. Now, however, despite her heart, she didn’t know if she made the right decision.

Hiccup furrowed his brow as held her impossibly closer as he pursed his lips, and for a moment, it almost looked like he was going to kiss her.

...So she squeezed her eyes shut, because she couldn’t stand to look at him any longer, and leaned back.

“Stop.”

Her voice sounded unnaturally quiet, lacking its usual volume and tone. She wills it to be firmer, but it proves to be more difficult in execution, what with the way Astrid felt his posture stiffen.

“Astrid.”

“Please,” she says, starting to duck her head and pull herself out of his embrace. “You should talk to your parents,” Astrid further implores him, having succeeded in her endeavors, and also having opened her eyes to look back at Stoick and Valka Haddock.

“Thanks for the suggestion, but I kind of don’t feel like dying young,” he drawled, rolling his eyes. Despite his words, he looked a little lost--a little stunned with her actions. Astrid shook her head at him, almost vehemently.

“Then if you won’t talk to them, then stop,” she implores him further, simultaneously taking one step backward. Her heels hit the floor.

Click.

“I don’t--I don’t know what I did, or--or if I said something, but Astrid, what are you--”

She’s looking through him now, at his parents. At this point, the only pair of people not moving in time with the music--themselves--had caught the attention of Valka and Stoick Haddock. Astrid wanted to pry her gaze away from his parents, wanted to turn to Hiccup and take his hand and explain to him her reasons for believing that a relationship would only end up hurting them more.

He needed someone who’d be there for him. Astrid knew that she was more than capable of being that someone, but Hiccup… Hiccup didn’t need someone like her.

He needed his parents.

“You need to talk to them,” she finally manages, looking intently at him.

“That’s not your decision to make.”

“It’s definitely the obvious one, though.”

A beat of silence.

“...What are you saying?”

“You’ve spent the past day, maybe weeks for all I know, avoiding them. I understand that you’re upset, but--”

Astrid was shocked to find that he gently took her hand again. He held it in both of his palms, in a manner that she didn’t consider inappropriately insistent, but more along the lines of tooth-rottingly sweet.

“My problems aren’t your problems,” he tried to tell her, “so why do you keep worrying about them? Why do you keep trying to fix things that can’t be fixed?” Astrid barely suppresses her scoff as she pulls her hand away.

“Because they can be fixed! Because if this--if we’re supposed to be anything, then they’re going to be my problems.” She winces, because she fails to include that the hypothetical she used was actually…Improbable. “I’m trying to be the rational one here, Hiccup. I’m leaving tomorrow afternoon and we’ll probably never see each other again after I go--”

“That’s what this is about? You don’t think that--”

She didn’t give him a chance to finish.

Astrid eliminated the space between them one last time and pressed a kiss to the slant of his surprise-parted lips knowing that it very well may be the last one. Her eyes were lowered after that, because she knew that if she looked at him, or even his parents, she’d be compelled to stay. Instead of doing such, she whispered an apology, then spun around and walked briskly off of the dance floor, diving headfirst into the crowd of people.

She thought she was doing the right thing--she thought she had Hiccup’s best interests at heart.

So why did it hurt so much?

...Astrid came to Berk for a job.

And it was high time that she got back to it.

[luzial]

Ruins - Solas POV of Chapter 2

I got a request for a Solas POV of Chapter 2 of Ruins, I guess because there wasn’t enough suffering in the original version? Idk, I just do what I’m asked. :P

Also up on AO3.

Nothing made sense to Solas.

He was surrounded by it and he knew it like an old companion. It was absence, with which he had more than a passing familiarity, but bigger and more. No light, no sound, no life. Nothing but nothing.

Banal nadas.

This was to be the end of him, he realized. Finally, after years so numerous he’d long ago lost track and after grief so constant he had all but forgotten what it was like to be without it. He was ready for this. For nothing. He had been ready for a long time. He had longed for it with as much certainty as he longed for her.

And he had always known she would be his death, though he had hoped to spare her that. One last way he could have lightened the weight she had been forced to carry, had he not failed her once again. She was too good for him in all things - even this. Especially this. Now, he would only wound her further. She would carry the burden of this death, not knowing he had already resigned himself to this fate.

Ar lasa mala revas.

He had wanted her free. Free of him.

And yet.

He was not being honest with himself again. It had always been easier that way. Feel nothing, Solas had once told himself. Feel only the grief. Distil the rest. Condense it all into one sustained, longing ache for all the things that should have been but could not be. Could never be.

But he had never wanted to be free of her. He wished he could give her all of himself, whatever pittance that was. Though he could never be what she deserved, at least he would have been able to die with the knowledge that he had done for her all he could.

Was this death, then, he wondered. Was this all that was left for him? Would he be here, now, for all eternity, lost in this darkness with nothing but his regrets to accompany him?

A fitting punishment, he knew. To never say goodbye. To never say the words he had longed to say. To never tell her the truth.

To die alone.

As if in answer, he felt a stirring against his chest. A breath of a memory? A ghost of a touch? A whisper in the nothingness?

But no. This was something.

Was he dreaming? Could he dream here? He felt - he felt? - his arms outstretched in front of him, hands clasped tightly as if he was afraid to let it go.

And then, a voice. Echoing in his thoughts.

If I let go, we’ll both fall.

Her voice.

It snapped him to attention like lightning. Gone were his sleepy wallowings and self-indulgences. Her electricity surged to the tips of his fingers and the bottoms of his feet, and he found himself once more - no longer awash in the nothing but grounded in something certain. He remembered it all in an instant. The temple, the trap. And her arms around him.

“What, may I ask, was the intent of the spell?” he thought.

“Do you remember Redcliffe?” he felt her reply.

The dizzying swell of her memories crashed over him, a sea of color, shape, and feeling that churned through his mind before slowly coming to rest on a single image. Solas saw his own face staring back at him through the bars of a prison cell, his eyes stained red with blight and bleeding its tainted magic.

He was horrific, all but unrecognizable. In her mind.

But in his own thoughts, he saw only the monstrosity he carried inside him made manifest. The internal had become external. His ugliness revealed.

In a second, the hatred he felt for himself was drowned entirely, dragged away by the wave of emotions he could feel from her memories. He felt no revulsion, nor even pity, when he looked through her eyes upon this dying version of himself. In its place, he felt only a warmth that confused him, tinged with a righteous anger that he understood all too well. This will be corrected, it seemed to say. Or this will be avenged. I cannot and I will not see him die without knowing -

Without knowing … what? He could not understand.

It was the warmth that answered.

It was an odd and overwhelming thing, Solas realized, to look at one’s self and feel love. Unreserved and absolute love. The sort of love that could remap the constellations and recklessly chase its focus to the Void and back.

The sort of love he felt for her.

He saw, then, the memory behind this one. It was not forefront in her mind; it floated just below the surface, hidden away like a canvas that had been painted twice. He hesitated to focus his attention on it too closely, worried he was trespassing. But the image came anyway, unbidden and inescapable.

Solas watched himself bar the door, and then he saw it forced open again.

The rest happened so quickly. The terror demon towered above her memory of him like a grotesque caricature of a tree. Its slender fingertips appeared delicate - brittle, even - but he knew they were pliant and strong like new branches. He watched as the demon gripped the throat of his lyrium-tained twin, dragging him up from the ground until his feet dangled in the air. And with a crack that rent the air and turned his stomach, he saw the demon twist his neck and toss him down to the tiled floor like he was nothing - nothing at all.

Solas saw himself fall. He watched himself die.

He expected to be furious. This was the end of Fen’Harel? This was all that it took to fell the last protector of the People? This was the ignominious death he chose for himself, after surviving for thousands of years with no hope and no friends to comfort him?

But he felt no fury.

She’d never told him any of this. When she and Dorian returned from the future that never was, they’d explained much of what they’d seen. But she had seen him die and she’d never told him, choosing instead to spare him whatever pain she imagined it might cause. But the only pain Solas felt now was hers, tempered with that same certainty she’d felt before. This cannot stand. This is not the end, she’d thought.

For himself, Solas felt only pride. It was bizarre and alien, but it was undeniable. He held the image of his dying self in his mind, watched as the life seeped out of it, the slowing of the bleeding tendrils of lyrium from its eyes now heralding the end.

It had done for her all that it could.

You did what I should have, he thought. You gave your life freely while I selfishly kept mine. You knew what she meant and that, without her, everything sacrificed, everything suffered, was for nothing at all.

And more than that, Solas thought, the vision shifting from the future he had never seen to the past that he had. So much more than that, he remembered now, seeing the empty dais upon which she’d stood only moments before and feeling the crushing loss of her. For it was not merely the mark upon her hand that mattered. She mattered.

And he felt it hit him as if it was the first time. He understood how utterly lost he was, how desperately he wanted to abandon it all, and how dearly he wanted her to define him - to fill up all of his nothings with something.

Solas watched himself fall in love.

“Yes, I remember Redcliffe,” he finally replied.

Solas’ last thought before he felt her ripped from his arms was that nothing was inevitable. It was the one absolute.

He would find her. He would help her. She deserved a life, and happiness.

No matter what the cost.

[thrownsoula]

LITTLE CHARACTER THINGS.

just a fun little character game. fill in the below categories with 3-5 things that your character can be identified by. repost & tag away !

EMOTIONS / FEELINGS:

001. compassion. 002. shame. 003. bemusement. 004. anger. 005. love.

GREETINGS:

001. in libraries --- how can i help you? toned-down customer service smile, but genuine thoughtfulness. hands on hips. inclined to infodump. 002. with strangers --- open curiosity, balanced with respect. keeps physically distant. listening posture. 003. to threats --- holds herself tense, especially across the shoulders. fists at the ready even before armor. calm words, warning tone. 004. for friends --- greeting with expressions ( mouth, eyes, eyebrows ) more than words. invitation to come closer. unreserved affection. 005. closest family --- can be more reserved. more contained smiles, more hesitant hellos. only because there’s more to contain. can i come in?

COLORS:

001. periwinkle ( glittering insects ). 002. yellow ( sunflowers ). 003. brown ( warm doe eyes ). 004. off-white ( glowing, pockmarked moon ). 005. ink blue ( deep water ).

SCENTS:

001. books --- old, new, and in-between. 002. lavender.  003. curry spices. 004. anything damp and clean --- washed hair, recent rain. 005. over-blooming flowers, on the verge of decomposing.

CLOTHING:

001. long layered skirts, solid colors. 002. crop tops, close around the neck but loose below the breasts.  003. hoop earrings. 004. ballet flats. 005. chitinous armor and wicked claws.

OBJECTS:

001. books, lined up straight on a shelf. 002. the cold metal weight between her shoulder blades. 003. margin sketches in five different journals. 004. seashells, painted rocks, small potted plants. 005. bus tickets, creased maps.

VICES / BAD HABITS:

001. self-blame. 002. concealing needs, and inability to ask for help. 003. running blind into danger. 004. struggling to understand honest intimacy. 005. disappearing.

BODY LANGUAGE:

001. sitting with her knees up, reading. sitting on anything that isn’t a chair. 002. prolonged, uncomprehending stares. searching eyes before a smile breaks. 003. an extended hand. offered if you need it, if you want it, and never forced. 004. the full-bodied laughter evoked by sudden, gut-level happiness --- shoulders curved forward, head thrown back. 005. face-burying hugs. arms wrapped tight over and around the shoulders. bracing the back of the head and stroking hair.

AESTHETICS:

001. LIMINAL BEING --- when we were children i would wake you up from nightmares, / your startled eyes and whole body doing what birds do before flight. 002. UNFORGIVEN --- i could tell you stories / about losing control / of the body, /  about my skin not / being my own. 003. SUPPOSE --- there is a lady,whose name is Afterwards / she is sitting beside young death,is slender; / likes flowers. 004. SOMEWHERE I HAVE NEVER TRAVELLED,GLADLY BEYOND --- (i do not know what it is about you that closes / and opens;only something in me understands / the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses) / nobody,not even the rain,has such small hands 005. WHAT THE MIRROR SAID --- listen, / you a wonder. / you a city / of a woman. / you got a geography / of your own.

SONGS:

001. SMOKESTACKS by layla. 002. I WAS JUST TRYING TO BE BRAVE by hans zimmer. 003. LIFEFORMS by daughter. 004. PREY by the neighborhood. 005. I ALWAYS LIKED THAT by maria mena.

tagged by: @battlescarred months ago tagging: @mutantism @erromes @materxnatura @ruinaa @sinninggod @alteanlight @kurotamer & anyone else!

[taurusmanlove]

Taurus Man & Libra Woman Break Up

New Post has been published on https://taurusmen.net/taurus-man-libra-woman-break-up/

Taurus Man & Libra Woman Break Up

A Taurus man and a Libra woman have a great connection sexually, emotionally and intellectually.

They both have eyes for artistic and fine-looking things. As such, the attraction and romance between a Taurean man and a Libra lady can be quite strong.

However, Taurus guys love to take their time making decisions, which also go for his relationships, too. However, his Libra girlfriend loves jumping straight into action whenever she has an idea.

Due to this, a Libra woman’s rashness can be somewhat irritating to a Taurus guy who hates been rushed or pushed into making decisions.

Conversely, the stubbornness of a Taurean fella can also be very irritating to his Libra lover, particularly because she would prefer to keep the relationship flowing and balanced.

A relationship between a Taurean guy and Libra lady is one of reciprocating and compromise. However, this match can have many flaws, which can lead to fights and misunderstandings.

If you’re a Libra lady and you’re either currently going through a breakup with a Taurus guy, the relationship has ended or you suspect that he may be thinking of leaving you, then this article may help to give you the info you need to avoid the breakup and recover your relationship.

If you feel you need additional help then take a look at my review of astrologer, Anna Kovach’s new book Taurus Man Secrets. In her book she explains exactly how to get your Taurus man back after a breakup and get him to want to commit to you. You can read my review here.

How to Tell If a Taurus Man Is About to Break Up With You

Lack of intimacy

Lovemaking sessions between a Taurus male and his Libra mate can be complicated and dissatisfying because of their different needs.

Taurus guys want physical affection from their partner. However, for a Libran lady, it’s usually the emotional connection that she values.

So, this match is likely to have unending conflicts in the bedroom, which can lead to disagreements and separation.

The Taurus man needs to be open, accepting and understanding of emotional needs of his partner, while his Libran lover needs to be receptive and accommodating of the Taurean’s need for sensual and intimate physical affection.

See also: The sexual connection between a Libra woman and Taurus man

He Ignores you

We all love a little attention and approval from other people from time to time. However, for a Libra woman, this can be particularly important, especially from her partner.

If things aren’t going well in the relationship then a Taurus guy may tend to withdraw and even ignore his woman on and off. This can be especially hurtful for a Libra woman.

Silent treatment

The communication between a Taurean guy and Libra woman is not known to be the best.

While this can be tricky even when the relationship is going well, the silent treatment is more likely to occur if things are on the rocks.

If he’s giving you the silent treatment then it could be an indication that he’s thinking of leaving you.

He has become insensitive

Taurus guys are known to be caring, considerate and attentive lovers. They often go the extra mile to try to please their partner.

So, if your Taurean partner has become less considerate or even saying mean and hurtful things, then he’s either annoyed with you about something, or he is no longer interested you.

How to Stop a Taurus Man from Breaking Up With You

Spend time with him

Libra women are known to be very social beings. On the other hand, Taurus men quite often like their own company or to just spend time indoors with their partner.

If you have been spending too much time with him and not seeing much of your friends and family, then doing things without him and catching up with your friends will be a great way to give the both of you a little space.

If he’s not seeing you as much as he’s used to then he may start to miss hanging out with you after a while.

If, however, you haven’t been spending much time with him when it’s just the two of you together, prioritizing a little quality time where the two of you can reconnect with each other without the distractions of other people around you may be just what you need.

Don’t be over-analytical

If you want to have a long lasting relationship with your Taurean lover, it is important that you stop being overly critical of him.

He wants you to accept him as he is and see his good qualities. Taurus guys hate feeling manipulated or that their partner is trying to change them in some way.

A great way to prevent him from feeling like this towards you is to give him some compliments on the things that he is good at or he does for you, which may make him think twice about breaking up with you.

Be trustworthy

Trust is a core value for a Taurus man. If for whatever reason, he doesn’t fully trust you or if he does not feel like he can depend on you then he will, at some point likely pull away from the relationship.

Taurus guys want to be in a relationship with a woman whom they feel has their back. And in return, he will always be there for you too.

How to Recover a Relationship with a Taurus Man & Make Him Want You

Be patient

Taurus men are slow, methodical and patient. So, when dating a Taurus man, if you also have patience then you’ll have a much easier time dealing with him.

If you’ve already broken up then give him some time and space to think things through on his own terms without feeling pressured. For this, the no contact rule can be very effective for a Taurus man.

If you parted ways because of infidelity, it is important that you exercise patience because Taurus guys do not forgive easily and tend to hold grudges for quite some time.

The first step is to him a heartfelt apology for whatever you have done if you are in the wrong. Then, you need to give him time to calm down and make up his mind whether he will forgive you or not.

Taurus guys hate being pressured into a decision so just give him the time he needs to think things through.

Related article: More ways to make him want you after a breakup

Compliment him

Affection is very important to a Taurus man. So, compliments are often well received. If he is thinking of ending the relationship because he does not feel appreciated then complimenting him is especially important.

Reminding him that he is a special person and that you find him attractive is a great place to start.

Take a mental note of all the things he does for you, big or small, and express our gratitude for his help and consideration.

However, when giving compliments to your Taurus lover, only tell him what is genuine because he will pull back even more if you lie to him.

Be yourself

As a Libra woman, it is important to understand that Taurean men love straightforward women who are comfortable just being themselves.

As such, a Taurus guy is honest about himself and he expects the same from the woman in his life. So, if you have been pretending so that you can please him, it is about time you start showing him the real you and that you are comfortable being yourself around him.

Final Thoughts

It is possible for Taurean man and Libra woman to have an instant attraction, but their match has various challenges that can make it difficult to co-exist.

However, a simple understanding of yourself and also how a Taurus guy thinks and feels about love and relationships can help you to avoid or successfully navigate any issues that arise. If you’re able to do this well, then it is more than possible to have a good relationship with a Taurus guy.

If you’re currently going through a breakup, have broken up or if you’re still in a relationship, but you feel he is pulling away then don’t lose hope. I came across a very inspirational relationship coach called Amy North, who teaches women exactly, step-by-step how to recover a relationship by sending him a few very specific text messages. You can get her relationship recovery text messages here.

Similar Articles

Getting A Taurus Man To Commit To You

Taurus Man & Taurus Woman Break Up

Taurus Man and Leo Woman in Bed – Unreserved...

Taurus Man and Libra Woman in Bed – Sensual &...

How To Attract a Taurus Man With Text Messages

Dating a Taurus Man – What You Need To Know

Taurus Man & Aquarius Woman Break Up

Should You Chase a Taurus Man?

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[taurusmanlove]

Taurus Man & Libra Woman Break Up

New Post has been published on https://taurusmen.net/taurus-man-libra-woman-break-up/

Taurus Man & Libra Woman Break Up

A Taurus man and a Libra woman have a great connection sexually, emotionally and intellectually.

They both have eyes for artistic and fine-looking things. As such, the attraction and romance between a Taurean man and a Libra lady can be quite strong.

However, Taurus guys love to take their time making decisions, which also go for his relationships, too. However, his Libra girlfriend loves jumping straight into action whenever she has an idea.

Due to this, a Libra woman’s rashness can be somewhat irritating to a Taurus guy who hates been rushed or pushed into making decisions.

Conversely, the stubbornness of a Taurean fella can also be very irritating to his Libra lover, particularly because she would prefer to keep the relationship flowing and balanced.

A relationship between a Taurean guy and Libra lady is one of reciprocating and compromise. However, this match can have many flaws, which can lead to fights and misunderstandings.

If you’re a Libra lady and you’re either currently going through a breakup with a Taurus guy, the relationship has ended or you suspect that he may be thinking of leaving you, then this article may help to give you the info you need to avoid the breakup and recover your relationship.

If you feel you need additional help then take a look at my review of astrologer, Anna Kovach’s new book Taurus Man Secrets. In her book she explains exactly how to get your Taurus man back after a breakup and get him to want to commit to you. You can read my review here.

How to Tell If a Taurus Man Is About to Break Up With You

Lack of intimacy

Lovemaking sessions between a Taurus male and his Libra mate can be complicated and dissatisfying because of their different needs.

Taurus guys want physical affection from their partner. However, for a Libran lady, it’s usually the emotional connection that she values.

So, this match is likely to have unending conflicts in the bedroom, which can lead to disagreements and separation.

The Taurus man needs to be open, accepting and understanding of emotional needs of his partner, while his Libran lover needs to be receptive and accommodating of the Taurean’s need for sensual and intimate physical affection.

See also: The sexual connection between a Libra woman and Taurus man

He Ignores you

We all love a little attention and approval from other people from time to time. However, for a Libra woman, this can be particularly important, especially from her partner.

If things aren’t going well in the relationship then a Taurus guy may tend to withdraw and even ignore his woman on and off. This can be especially hurtful for a Libra woman.

Silent treatment

The communication between a Taurean guy and Libra woman is not known to be the best.

While this can be tricky even when the relationship is going well, the silent treatment is more likely to occur if things are on the rocks.

If he’s giving you the silent treatment then it could be an indication that he’s thinking of leaving you.

He has become insensitive

Taurus guys are known to be caring, considerate and attentive lovers. They often go the extra mile to try to please their partner.

So, if your Taurean partner has become less considerate or even saying mean and hurtful things, then he’s either annoyed with you about something, or he is no longer interested you.

How to Stop a Taurus Man from Breaking Up With You

Spend time with him

Libra women are known to be very social beings. On the other hand, Taurus men quite often like their own company or to just spend time indoors with their partner.

If you have been spending too much time with him and not seeing much of your friends and family, then doing things without him and catching up with your friends will be a great way to give the both of you a little space.

If he’s not seeing you as much as he’s used to then he may start to miss hanging out with you after a while.

If, however, you haven’t been spending much time with him when it’s just the two of you together, prioritizing a little quality time where the two of you can reconnect with each other without the distractions of other people around you may be just what you need.

Don’t be over-analytical

If you want to have a long lasting relationship with your Taurean lover, it is important that you stop being overly critical of him.

He wants you to accept him as he is and see his good qualities. Taurus guys hate feeling manipulated or that their partner is trying to change them in some way.

A great way to prevent him from feeling like this towards you is to give him some compliments on the things that he is good at or he does for you, which may make him think twice about breaking up with you.

Be trustworthy

Trust is a core value for a Taurus man. If for whatever reason, he doesn’t fully trust you or if he does not feel like he can depend on you then he will, at some point likely pull away from the relationship.

Taurus guys want to be in a relationship with a woman whom they feel has their back. And in return, he will always be there for you too.

How to Recover a Relationship with a Taurus Man & Make Him Want You

Be patient

Taurus men are slow, methodical and patient. So, when dating a Taurus man, if you also have patience then you’ll have a much easier time dealing with him.

If you’ve already broken up then give him some time and space to think things through on his own terms without feeling pressured. For this, the no contact rule can be very effective for a Taurus man.

If you parted ways because of infidelity, it is important that you exercise patience because Taurus guys do not forgive easily and tend to hold grudges for quite some time.

The first step is to him a heartfelt apology for whatever you have done if you are in the wrong. Then, you need to give him time to calm down and make up his mind whether he will forgive you or not.

Taurus guys hate being pressured into a decision so just give him the time he needs to think things through.

Related article: More ways to make him want you after a breakup

Compliment him

Affection is very important to a Taurus man. So, compliments are often well received. If he is thinking of ending the relationship because he does not feel appreciated then complimenting him is especially important.

Reminding him that he is a special person and that you find him attractive is a great place to start.

Take a mental note of all the things he does for you, big or small, and express our gratitude for his help and consideration.

However, when giving compliments to your Taurus lover, only tell him what is genuine because he will pull back even more if you lie to him.

Be yourself

As a Libra woman, it is important to understand that Taurean men love straightforward women who are comfortable just being themselves.

As such, a Taurus guy is honest about himself and he expects the same from the woman in his life. So, if you have been pretending so that you can please him, it is about time you start showing him the real you and that you are comfortable being yourself around him.

Final Thoughts

It is possible for Taurean man and Libra woman to have an instant attraction, but their match has various challenges that can make it difficult to co-exist.

However, a simple understanding of yourself and also how a Taurus guy thinks and feels about love and relationships can help you to avoid or successfully navigate any issues that arise. If you’re able to do this well, then it is more than possible to have a good relationship with a Taurus guy.

If you’re currently going through a breakup, have broken up or if you’re still in a relationship, but you feel he is pulling away then don’t lose hope. I came across a very inspirational relationship coach called Amy North, who teaches women exactly, step-by-step how to recover a relationship by sending him a few very specific text messages. You can get her relationship recovery text messages here.

Similar Articles

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[taurusmanlove]

Taurus Man & Libra Woman Break Up

New Post has been published on https://taurusmen.net/taurus-man-libra-woman-break-up/

Taurus Man & Libra Woman Break Up

A Taurus man and a Libra woman have a great connection sexually, emotionally and intellectually.

They both have eyes for artistic and fine-looking things. As such, the attraction and romance between a Taurean man and a Libra lady can be quite strong.

However, Taurus guys love to take their time making decisions, which also go for his relationships, too. However, his Libra girlfriend loves jumping straight into action whenever she has an idea.

Due to this, a Libra woman’s rashness can be somewhat irritating to a Taurus guy who hates been rushed or pushed into making decisions.

Conversely, the stubbornness of a Taurean fella can also be very irritating to his Libra lover, particularly because she would prefer to keep the relationship flowing and balanced.

A relationship between a Taurean guy and Libra lady is one of reciprocating and compromise. However, this match can have many flaws, which can lead to fights and misunderstandings.

If you’re a Libra lady and you’re either currently going through a breakup with a Taurus guy, the relationship has ended or you suspect that he may be thinking of leaving you, then this article may help to give you the info you need to avoid the breakup and recover your relationship.

If you feel you need additional help then take a look at my review of astrologer, Anna Kovach’s new book Taurus Man Secrets. In her book she explains exactly how to get your Taurus man back after a breakup and get him to want to commit to you. You can read my review here.

How to Tell If a Taurus Man Is About to Break Up With You

Lack of intimacy

Lovemaking sessions between a Taurus male and his Libra mate can be complicated and dissatisfying because of their different needs.

Taurus guys want physical affection from their partner. However, for a Libran lady, it’s usually the emotional connection that she values.

So, this match is likely to have unending conflicts in the bedroom, which can lead to disagreements and separation.

The Taurus man needs to be open, accepting and understanding of emotional needs of his partner, while his Libran lover needs to be receptive and accommodating of the Taurean’s need for sensual and intimate physical affection.

See also: The sexual connection between a Libra woman and Taurus man

He Ignores you

We all love a little attention and approval from other people from time to time. However, for a Libra woman, this can be particularly important, especially from her partner.

If things aren’t going well in the relationship then a Taurus guy may tend to withdraw and even ignore his woman on and off. This can be especially hurtful for a Libra woman.

Silent treatment

The communication between a Taurean guy and Libra woman is not known to be the best.

While this can be tricky even when the relationship is going well, the silent treatment is more likely to occur if things are on the rocks.

If he’s giving you the silent treatment then it could be an indication that he’s thinking of leaving you.

He has become insensitive

Taurus guys are known to be caring, considerate and attentive lovers. They often go the extra mile to try to please their partner.

So, if your Taurean partner has become less considerate or even saying mean and hurtful things, then he’s either annoyed with you about something, or he is no longer interested you.

How to Stop a Taurus Man from Breaking Up With You

Spend time with him

Libra women are known to be very social beings. On the other hand, Taurus men quite often like their own company or to just spend time indoors with their partner.

If you have been spending too much time with him and not seeing much of your friends and family, then doing things without him and catching up with your friends will be a great way to give the both of you a little space.

If he’s not seeing you as much as he’s used to then he may start to miss hanging out with you after a while.

If, however, you haven’t been spending much time with him when it’s just the two of you together, prioritizing a little quality time where the two of you can reconnect with each other without the distractions of other people around you may be just what you need.

Don’t be over-analytical

If you want to have a long lasting relationship with your Taurean lover, it is important that you stop being overly critical of him.

He wants you to accept him as he is and see his good qualities. Taurus guys hate feeling manipulated or that their partner is trying to change them in some way.

A great way to prevent him from feeling like this towards you is to give him some compliments on the things that he is good at or he does for you, which may make him think twice about breaking up with you.

Be trustworthy

Trust is a core value for a Taurus man. If for whatever reason, he doesn’t fully trust you or if he does not feel like he can depend on you then he will, at some point likely pull away from the relationship.

Taurus guys want to be in a relationship with a woman whom they feel has their back. And in return, he will always be there for you too.

How to Recover a Relationship with a Taurus Man & Make Him Want You

Be patient

Taurus men are slow, methodical and patient. So, when dating a Taurus man, if you also have patience then you’ll have a much easier time dealing with him.

If you’ve already broken up then give him some time and space to think things through on his own terms without feeling pressured. For this, the no contact rule can be very effective for a Taurus man.

If you parted ways because of infidelity, it is important that you exercise patience because Taurus guys do not forgive easily and tend to hold grudges for quite some time.

The first step is to him a heartfelt apology for whatever you have done if you are in the wrong. Then, you need to give him time to calm down and make up his mind whether he will forgive you or not.

Taurus guys hate being pressured into a decision so just give him the time he needs to think things through.

Related article: More ways to make him want you after a breakup

Compliment him

Affection is very important to a Taurus man. So, compliments are often well received. If he is thinking of ending the relationship because he does not feel appreciated then complimenting him is especially important.

Reminding him that he is a special person and that you find him attractive is a great place to start.

Take a mental note of all the things he does for you, big or small, and express our gratitude for his help and consideration.

However, when giving compliments to your Taurus lover, only tell him what is genuine because he will pull back even more if you lie to him.

Be yourself

As a Libra woman, it is important to understand that Taurean men love straightforward women who are comfortable just being themselves.

As such, a Taurus guy is honest about himself and he expects the same from the woman in his life. So, if you have been pretending so that you can please him, it is about time you start showing him the real you and that you are comfortable being yourself around him.

Final Thoughts

It is possible for Taurean man and Libra woman to have an instant attraction, but their match has various challenges that can make it difficult to co-exist.

However, a simple understanding of yourself and also how a Taurus guy thinks and feels about love and relationships can help you to avoid or successfully navigate any issues that arise. If you’re able to do this well, then it is more than possible to have a good relationship with a Taurus guy.

If you’re currently going through a breakup, have broken up or if you’re still in a relationship, but you feel he is pulling away then don’t lose hope. I came across a very inspirational relationship coach called Amy North, who teaches women exactly, step-by-step how to recover a relationship by sending him a few very specific text messages. You can get her relationship recovery text messages here.

Similar Articles

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