#she was on screen for 30 seconds but i will forever cherish that

[cannibalisticskittles]

the best thing about the loki show hands down is that its very existence reminds me of lady sif so whenever i see a glimpse of it i start kicking my feet and giggling thinking about Her

[jaedore]

BINDING BONDS | 5

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parings: jung jaehyun x reader

genre: ceo!au, arranged marriage!au, consumption of alcohol, asshole/player Jaehyun, swearing

[ ☾ smut | ◇ angst ]

note: BB deals with themes of mental and physical abuse, which can be upsetting for some readers. If you feel uncomfortable reading these types of plots, you are advised to not continue. MINORS, READ AT YOUR OWN RISK, but I advice you to skip the sexual parts.

[ 6.6 k ]

You ignored his pleading remark, you just wanted to be alone. You begged for peace and quiet so you could calm down. Jaehyun’s hand lingered on the knob, he wanted to stay and to explain, but you abruptly shut the door before he could even speak. You leaned your forehead against the door, not being able to stand the expression of longing and pleading sketched all over his face, but you couldn’t help what you were feeling. Anger, frustration, misplaced, and mentally and emotionally exhausted. You let gravity pull you to the chair and freed a long-awaited breath you never knew you held. It truly is his problem, and you knew you shouldn’t fret about it but why were you? You knew it was too early to forgive and develop feelings, so why were you so worked up? No, I’m not, you massaged your forehead.

Jaehyun also dropped into his seat, his palms supporting the weight of his head, more so his thoughts. The sight of Chaeyoung broke him, she looked so shattered, so defeated, he never intended to hurt her and that devastated him. She’s the first person he’s ever loved, he even waited for her, and he broke her right on the spot. Then there was you, the glance of disappointment made him tousle his hair, all he wanted was to make things right, and instead, he made it worse. He was in the right place but at the wrong time. Jaehyun wanted so bad to check up on Chaeyoung, but he pulled himself from it knowing he shouldn’t. He should be checking up on you, but when he texted, you didn’t answer. Jaehyun tossed his phone to the side, disappointed things were under this kind of circumstance.

Cases didn’t always go Jaehyun’s way, like tonight, he ended up working until midnight. His father had compiled paperwork that needed to be finished by tomorrow’s meeting. Jaehyun despised his father for his inconsideration, but what could Jaehyun do? He wants the CEO position, so he has to work for it, even if his father doesn’t believe he has the capability to obtain it.

When the sky that was once painted yellow and orange was smeared with darkness, the twinkling lights that lit far from Earth had their moment to shine. As Jaehyun stepped out of the building, it was inevitable for him to cherish the sight above him. After everything that he’s been through, put you through, he inhaled a large breath and relaxed, feeling as if the weight had been lifted his shoulders. Everything’s going to be okay, he thought. And he truly believed that as he pulled his gaze from the strong sky that held the galaxy.

When Jaehyun came in, he figured there’d be no way you were awake until he saw your bedroom door opened with the lights on, did she wait up for me? He wanted to talk to you about today, but when he got to your room, you were asleep on your desk. The side of your head rested on your folded arms, on top of the files you had brought from work. Jaehyun thought that even if you looked exhausted, you still looked so amicable.

Jaehyun quietly set his briefcase down before walking over to your desk. He combed your escaped hairs behind your ear, then rested his hand on your cheek, you slightly moved from the soft touch. He lifted your limbs until you gripped him like a koala as he carried you to your bed, gently setting you down. Jaehyun wrapped you into your sheets, careful to not wake you, and crouched down beside your bed. He admires how naturally beautiful you are, your professionalism, how you present yourself, and how patient you’ve been with him. The recognizable feeling returned to him and he began to feel upset at himself again, the way he treated you, yelled at you and belittled you. Jaehyun was never going to get over it, he couldn’t help but feel guilty for hurting such a beautiful person.

With sad eyes, Jaehyun left your room, softly shutting the door behind him, and that night Jaehyun didn’t sleep at all. In fact, he heard you get up, get ready, and leave for work, but he didn’t bother to come out of his shell because he didn’t want to face you, he couldn’t. Jaehyun shoved down his feelings for wanting to pursue you when he looked at you that night. He couldn’t help but think, what if it’s too late and she doesn’t even want me anymore? What if it’s too late and she doesn’t even want to try? At the same time, his heart couldn’t let go of Chaeyoung. With his mind and heart in battle, he was the one withdrawing from you this time.

You hadn’t noticed he was ignoring you through the past couple of days because you were bustling at work. When you finally had time to sit for lunch, that was the moment you wondered what was going on because Jaehyun hadn’t sent a text, called you, or even asked to join you for lunch, you haven’t even seen him at home that often either. Not that you were bothered by it, but it made you slightly doubt him. He’s been acting different ever since he came by for lunch, was it the way I reacted? Was it because he saw Chaeyoung that time? You dropped the files in irritation, you couldn’t help but feel upset that he was avoiding you all week, you knew he was because you’ve already done it to him before. You just wanted him to say something to you, anything.

As soon as you finished eating, you picked up the files you abandoned and sent them to their dedicated department. You needed to get out and let loose, you needed to cool down and you knew who the right person was. As soon as you got back to your office, you pulled out your phone to call Haewon, but fate always had a good way of interrupting your mood because Jaehyun’s name popped up on your screen before you could even unlock it.

You stared at his name that appeared on your phone. Your eyes went back and forth between the green ‘answer’ icon and the red ‘decline answer’ icon. You wanted to refuse it because of the way he’s been avoiding you, but even though you hated to admit it, there was a sliver of a second where you wanted to hear his voice. 

“Yes?”

“Hey, um what are you doing this Friday?” Jaehyun timidly asked, it felt like it’s been forever since you heard his voice. A voice that's saturated with honey.

You checked your calendar in front of your screen, it’s only Wednesday and your Friday evening held vacancy. “Nothing,” you hesitated, “why?”

“Oh,” Jaehyun paused, “well, my parents want us to come over for dinner.”

You pondered for a bit because you could sense the tension between you two, but you decided that maybe it was for the best to go for the sake of you two, “Sure, what time?”

“We’ll probably leave around 5:30,” Jaehyun added.

“Okay sounds good, I’ll talk to you later,” you hung up the phone, not waiting to hear his goodbye.

When you hang up on him, Jaehyun feels like he could cut the tension between you two like a knife, he knows that you’re mad because he’s avoiding you. Throwing his head back, he rubbed his eyes with stress stacking. Everything at work is piling up on him, Chaeyoung is heartbroken, he’s going through his own heartbreak, and you’re mad at him.

“Mr. Jung, your father is here,” his secretary barged in, making Jaehyun jolt from his seat out of a trance.

Jaehyun’s father stormed in, his face contorted in anger as his hand gripped his briefcase. Before he could speak up, his father slammed the briefcase on Jaehyun’s desk, “you had one job!”

Jaehyun looked confused at his father, he’s done everything right and he knows it because Jaehyun is always careful when it comes to working. “Father, what are you talking about?”

Before answering Jaehyun, his father raised his hand and gave Jaehyun a callous slap across his face. “The financial statements? Yeah, they’re a fucking mess. When I went to meet up with a potential partner and buyer, all the numbers were wrong, now we don’t have a partnership or branch with them. I taught you better,” his father caterwauled, “we lost thousands because of you.”

“No,” Jaehyun stood his ground, “I did them right! The accountant messed it up, so I had to check it myself!” he defended.

But Jaehyun’s father wouldn’t back down without a fight, it was like he enjoyed it, “I just spoke to the accountant, everything was done correctly until your ego came in and swiped it from him. YOU messed it up!”

“Father, I’m telling you the truth. I triple checked it, you probably saw it wrong!” Jaehyun blurted, immediately regretting his words.

“I’m never wrong,” his father growled, “get these statements fixed or you’re done. I can’t have an incompetence person working under me.” he tightened his tie and left, slamming the door shut loud enough to be heard throughout the entire building.

Jaehyun fingers grazed the ghost of his father’s palm against his cheek, the pain still lingering like a million needles. The last few seconds always hurt more than it did at that moment, the prickling in his cheek wouldn’t leave the sensitive skin so he left to get an ice pack, hoping the pain would surrender. No one knew of Jaehyun’s father’s abuse, for one, it was unseen, and second, even if it was seen or even suspected, they would be given hush money. Jaehyun knows he has the power to reveal it, but he would always be reminded of his mother. He didn’t want her to live her known life of an abusive husband, he wanted her to be known for the wife of a successful father, especially when she didn’t choose this kind of life. No, she didn’t know about her husband’s issues, he kept it well away from her.

Person...Jaehyun scoffed, his father didn’t even consider him as his own son, he hasn’t since Jaehyun could ever remember. Jaehyun never knew why his father held such hatred for him but thought it was better that way because Jaehyun didn’t want to know anyway.

With an ice pack in one hand, holding it against his cheek and the other on his hip, Jaehyun peered down at the citizens that suffused the streets and sidewalks. Everyone had their own life, their own stories, and moments, how come Jaehyun felt like he never had any good ones?

“Who were you talking to earlier on the phone?” Your mother asked, poking at her salad.

“Jaehyun,” you answered, stirring your soup, to be honest, you found it difficult to have an appetite after the phone call.

“Oh? What does he want? Is everything okay?”

“Everything’s fine,” you sighed, “his parents just want us to come over for dinner this Friday.”

“That’s exciting!” your mother gasped.

Uneasiness replaced the food in your stomach, you had a sense of the kind of person Jaehyun’s father is and thought of being in the same room with him was unsettling. “Yeah, we’ll see how it goes,” you put the cap on your soup and told your mother you were ready to go back up to your office.

You were almost done with the files for the week, if you keep up the focus and pace, you’d for sure finish them by Friday. Since you were down in the designing department at the beginning of the week, you made regular trips to make sure everything was perfect. To you, Chaeyoung didn’t look even better from before, her eyes still tugged on her dark bags and her lack of sleep showed on her face. She sensed you looking at her so she perked her head up and walked towards you.

“Can we talk?” she timidly asked.

Instead of telling her to make an appointment with her, you pressed your lips together because you knew what she wanted to talk about. “Sure, follow me to my office, my mother’s in a meeting so it’ll just be the two of us,” you lead her to the way of your office.

The tension between you two was stiff, you both stood on either side of the elevator as silence drowned you both until the doors opened. She followed you into our office, shutting the door behind her as you sat in your chair.

“What did you want to discuss?” You clasped your hands on top of your desk.

“Why didn’t you tell me that you and Jaehyun were engaged?”

Taken aback from her informality and hasty question, you hesitated in your thoughts before proceeding. “Because it’s not my business with what Jaehyun had with you,” you began, “that was his issue to figure out with you. I understand that you two were in a relationship, but this is something we can’t do anything about.”

“But you’re my boss, how can I just let this go? I see you just about every day.”

“If it’s that hard working for me, then I recommend you hand in your resignation letter. You were the one that was affiliated with him, I had no intention of interrupting what you had with him. It is Jaehyun’s sole decision to make for himself,” as harsh as you said it, it was the truth and you meant every word of it.

Chaeyoung shook her head, she worked so hard to get a position at one of the most elite fashion brands, she couldn’t afford to lose it just for one guy. Her gaze fell from onto her lap where she picked the skin of her thumb, “No, I want to stay. I get that I’m new here and I’m just an intern, but I hope this doesn’t affect my job.”

“Don’t worry about that, know when to separate your personal and professional life. If it proceeds to affect your job, I won’t have a choice to fire you, Chayeoung.”

“Yes, Ms. Y/l/n.” She nodded, “thank you.” Even though you were straightforward, your words were genuine.

“I know he’s talked to you and has broken things off, so take the rest of the week to make peace with yourself,” you recommended.

“No, that’s okay! I’ll continue to work hard!” Chaeyoung abruptly stood up, bowing to you, and rushing out of your office with determination in her steps. She was thankful that you were considerate enough to think about her.

“Oh, okay then,” you blinked.

You proceeded to focus your work on the files, but every time your phone dinged the little distraction was accompanied with hope, for you to hope that it was Jaehyun. It never was. Why do I even want him to call me? You massage your temples with your elbows propped on your desk.

“Everything okay?” Your mother brisked in.

“Yeah, how was your meeting?”

“It was fine,” she sighed, “Mr. Jung is particularly intense today.”

“Jaehyun was here?” You unintentionally chirped.

“No, no, his father. He seemed angry the entire meeting,” your mother’s brows furrowed.

“Oh,” you sighed. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t contacted me. Maybe something bad happened between them two and maybe it happened because of work.

It was 7 pm when you arrived home, you didn’t notice the lit up apartment, the sounds of another person, or the appetizing aroma filling your nose.

“You’re home.”

Jumping, you released an “oh!” holding onto your chest. In the kitchen, stood Jaehyun by the stove, stirring the pan. You hadn’t seen Jaehyun for a few days so you didn’t expect to see him now, but here you were, mouth agape, “y-yeah.” you slowly shut the door.

“I’m almost done, set your stuff down so we can eat.”

You stood your ground as he turned his back to continue cooking. It’s been a couple of days since you’ve seen him, so you couldn’t help but fixate your gaze on his back. The way his muscles stretched the fiber of the white t-shirt he slipped on, the extensiveness of his shoulders, and his damp hair that sat comfortably on his head. You wanted to run your hands over the strength of his back and tangle your fingers in his soft hair. What the- you quickly flicked the thought off, afraid that he’d catch you checking him out. You convinced yourself that your heart was racing only because he startled you when you came in.

You step towards him, crossing your arms and leaning your back against the counter beside the stove. Jaehyun raised an eyebrow, never seeing you in such a stance because you always stood with poise. You quietly watched him stir the sauteed rice and vegetables that brought color to the dish.

“Hope you like fried rice,” he mumbled.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” You bluntly asked, it surprised both of you because you didn’t intend to be this forward.

Surprised, Jaehyun stuttered, “I-I just had a lot to do for work.”

You paused before speaking in a hushed whisper, “I’m sorry for not being understanding the other day at lunch.”

Jaehyun stopped his stirring to glance at you, your head was lowered while playing with the buttons on your blouse. When you met his eyes, he could see the sincerity it held.

“I’m not sure what came over me,” you scoffed. Truth is, you did, but you bite your tongue instead. Since that day you told him to leave, you’ve been in denial, but you knew exactly that you were jealous and truly falling for him, you just didn’t want to admit it to yourself.  

“It’s okay, I wasn’t the best at expressing it anyways. I wanted to tell you, but just seeing her, I don’t know, something just came over me also,” Jaehyun shook his head, gaze kept at the fried rice.

That’s when it hit you. Chaeyoung was his first love so of course, it wasn’t going to be easy for him to get over her, especially since they’ve dated since high school and he’s been waiting for her to come back. You couldn’t help but feel the sudden pang in your heart because you knew this was going to be harder than you thought. Jaehyun picked up on your expression but interpreted it the wrong way.

“But yeah, I did end things with her,” he emphasized.

“That’s good to hear,” you turned your head to the side. You didn’t want to discuss this anymore so instead of saying more, you turned around to get two plates from the shelf.

As you walked to the table, you could feel Jaehyun’s gaze on your back. He furrowed his brows, beginning to feel worried, was it something I said? Did I do something wrong? But I apologized...he pursed his lips to the side of his mouth in thought.

Your kitchen held an absence of silence, no one talked. You didn’t want to hear what he had to say about Chaeyoung, nor did he want to provoke you with it. Every time he looked at you, your gaze was always down at the plate in front of you, but you didn’t eat, you just stared and poked the vegetables.

“Do you not like it?” Jaehyun carefully asked.

“No, I like it,” you sighed and took a big bite. You filled your mouth so you didn’t have to speak, quickly finishing it, and offering to clean up, you needed the distraction and you didn’t want to be in the same room with Jaehyun.

You threw yourself on your bed, am I mad at him?...Or myself? you whined against the sheets. You tangled your fingers through your hair, wrecking your ponytail. This was one of the reasons you didn’t want to fall for him.

“Can’t she see that I’m trying?” Jaehyun whispered to himself, imitating your position, face down, and the sheets with muffled words. He angrily flopped his body like a fish out of frustration. You two were meeting his parents soon for dinner and he knew you both would have to fake it. As much as Jaehyun wanted to keep trying, he couldn’t help but think that maybe it was too late.

Friday came sooner than you thought, so here you were, peering at yourself and hoping that the Gucci Wool Silk Belted Jumpsuit did its justice. Hopefully, this isn’t too much, you tighten your belt. Grabbing your purse, you walked to the kitchen to see Jaehyun put the cap on the dish of food you made to bring.

“Oh, I could’ve done that,” you set your bag down, the chain creating a sound as it hit the table.

“It’s okay, I didn’t want to rush you in getting ready,” Jaehyun set the dish down, “but it smells good. You ready?” He asked.

“Yes, let’s go.” you put your shoes on, following him out to the car.

In the car, as silence drapes the car you peer out at the sunset, streaks of red, orange, and yellow pigment the sky as the lights of buildings accompany it. Jaehyun’s fingertips, slightly tapping the steering wheel along with the beat of the music and his low voice humming. Everything felt peaceful to you in this moment.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Jaehyun chirped beside you, noticing you staring out the window.

“Just thinking about city life,” you expressed, “sometimes it gets so busy, that I have to leave for a bit, but somehow...I always find myself coming back.” you chuckle.

“Me too, I enjoy the country, but I like the pace of the city, it’s exciting,” he commented.

The rest of the ride, you two talked about the small things you two found peace in. He likes the warmth of another’s arms, being able to leave work while it’s still light out, and the small victories throughout the day. He found out that you like going to the pier, embraces that last just a little longer, the moment after the rain stops, and heartfelt laughter. He chuckled when you added that you also like it when someone surprises you with sushi, tucking that information in the back of his head. He didn’t know why he even bothered to try to get to know you anymore, but when he heard you speak, it was like you spoke of poetry of admiration and love.

As Jaehyun gave one of the workers his car keys, he carefully grasped your hand and with hesitation, you accepted it. He could sense your tensity in the hold of your hands.

“Don’t be nervous, they’ve met you before and they adore you,” Jaehyun smiled, deep enough to set dimples into his cheeks.

You hoped that his words were true, that they held good assumptions of you. They didn’t know you personally, but you hoped that they had positive thoughts on you from the last couple of encounters, even if you were stubborn at their decision for your marriage.

“Y/n! Jaehyun!” Mrs. Jung came running to you, her dress flowing after her.

“Hi,” you smiled, hugging her.

“Glad to see you two,” Mr. Jung walked up to you two, “please, we’re about to have dinner soon,” he smiled.

Mrs. Jung took hold of the dish as Jaehyun led you to the dining room. Everything was beautiful. The chandelier alluded the cream-colored walls, the large chairs enveloped your body, and the dark wood table that stretched across the room was filled with delicacies exposing the savory aroma.

“So, y/n, Jaehyun tells us that you’re releasing a new collection,” Mrs. Jung began.

“Yes, it’s our Spring-Summer 2020 collection. We’re in the works of it right now,” you replied.

“How do you think your collection will do?” Mr. Jung asked.

Thrown off by the semi-pressuring question, you cleared your throat, “Our Spring-Summer collections are our most popular. We market and design based on the present trends and patterns, including our swimwear. Even though we are an international brand, with Jung Corporation, I believe that our brand can be recognized more with trading.”

Mr. Jung smiled, you felt like you were on a game show and he was the host. The speculation of it gave you shivers, every question he asked you made you nervous, afraid of saying the wrong answer.

“Wine, Miss?” one of the butlers swift next to you, crouching his body. He leaned the bottle of red liquid near your glass, almost as if he knew that you needed it.

“Oh, yes please,” you sighed, it’s going to be a long night.

“I’m thankful you think that way, Ms. y/l/n. Do you have any other plans for your future collections yet?” Mr. Jung sipped from his wine glass.

“Please, just call me y/n,” you smiled as genuine as you could, “and yes, for the autumn collection, we’re bringing in trench coats, as they’ve been the constant trend every year. Since our brand strives on simplicity and classic styles, we won’t be branching off to too many designs for that. Otherwise, we’re releasing a new collection of shoes, made for the cold weather, and innovative professional wear.” You affirmed.

Mr. Jung nodded in satisfaction. You hadn’t noticed Jaehyun gently holding your hand, squeezing it to help you release some tension you didn’t know you held. It was as if you were the boat floating in the middle of nowhere and he was the anchor that made sure you were still grounded. You blinked and relaxed your neck, not trying to give away that you were stressed at his arduous questions.

“Enough with the business talk, Myungsoo. How are your parents, y/n?” Mrs. Jung smiled.

“They’re well, my father’s back in the states for work, and my mother’s doing fine at Audace,” you replied.

Everyone continued conversing, occasionally Mr. Jung would chirp in, asking more questions about Audace. You didn’t know if he was more interested in your capability of holding the CEO position or your partnership with Jung Corporation, but the thought of it was charred once dinner was served. Unknowingly you were downing glasses of wine and each time you sipped, the smooth fluid never failed to soothe your throat. 

Jaehyun on the other hand wasn’t having any of it. As everyone ate, his parents were embarrassing him about his younger days and he desperately wanted them to stop, he didn’t want you to hear any stories of him accidentally shooting a basket for the other team or that time when he cried for his mother the first night at youth basketball camp. Feeling humiliated, Jaehyun stole the bottle of wine from the butler and poured the remaining into his glass, filling it up to the brim each time. 

By the end of dinner, touches of laughter were exchanged among the table, mumbles were heard from Jaehyun, and you both were both slightly tipsy.

“Honey, why don’t you two just stay the night? It’s not safe for you two drive in this state,” Mrs. Jung said.

“Yes, you two can stay in Jaehyun’s room, we’ll have the maids get everything ready.” Mr. Jung sent the maids off to tend the room.

You struggled to get up from the seat, of course, Jaehyun had a way higher tolerance than you, so he was quick to hold onto you, afraid that you’d knock your head on the table.

Jaehyun sighed, “can you help her on my back?” he asked his mother, nervous that you’d trip yourself up the stairs.

By the time Jaehyun walked up to his room, everything was set and he also realized that everything was almost the way he left it, except his bed. Since Jaehyun brought it to the apartment, his parents replaced it with a smaller one. So Jaehyun was careful when he bent to the side, letting you easily slide off of him. You huffed, massaging your temples and catching your breath before you propped yourself up on your elbows. You watched as Jaehyun walked to his standing mirror, loosening his tie. Your stomach began tingling seeing the sight in front of you, his tall physique hovered the mirror, his hair was gelled back, and his loosened shirt displayed a little patch of skin. 

Fuck. You were sober enough to make decisions, but something about Jaehyun makes your mind go completely blank. You walk over to him as Jaehyun sees you in the reflection and turns around. You grabbed his nape pulling him in for a kiss, he stood tense, gripping onto your shoulders as if he was deciding whether or not to push or pull. You felt him decide when you felt his hands gently push you away.

“W-wait, maybe you shouldn’t do this, we’re both pretty out of it and not in our right minds,” Jaehyun faltered.

“I don’t care, I don’t care,” you repeated, shaking your head, “fuck being in our right minds, we never were.” You pressed your lips against him again and his grip on you softened as you wrapped both arms behind his neck, so you pushed yourself against him harder, hitting the wall. You both grunted from the impact, his steady hands wrapped themselves around your waist to bring you closer. You pulled away kissing his jaw and down his neck. Satisfied with your actions, Jaehyun wrapped his arms under your legs, wanting you to jump. When you did, he walked back to the bed and dropped you on it, you slightly gasped from the sudden impact.

Watching Jaehyun crawl to you and hover above you was definitely a sight, he looked at you with dark eyes before attacking your neck with harsh kisses and little bites, like the dinner wasn’t enough for him. You tangled your hands into his hair, letting out sounds that craved for him to do more. You let out a breathy moan when he found the sweet spot below your ear.

Jaehyun smirks against your neck, “You like that huh? Just wait until I rip this off of you,” he mumbled, unbuttoning your jumpsuit.

Before he could strip you, you quickly reacted by pushing him off and straddling him. Jaehyun was taken aback at your sense of domination as you lowered your gaze at him, “Yes, I loved that,” you smirked, “but I expected more from you,” you dragged your finger along his jaw, his neck, down to his collarbone, and then his chest. Your touch sent flames to Jaehyun’s body, earning an impatient groan from him. 

You lower yourself until you’re kissing his neck again, you nip at his smooth skin, inhaling the cologne, everything turns you on at this rate. Jaehyun’s hands gripped your hips as you rose to take your time to unbutton his shirt until he got too impatient and tore it off himself. You’ve seen how his muscles strain the material of a shirt, but seeing them without it made the temperature in your body rise. You know he’s always been this fit, it just never occurred to you that he was this beautifully sculpted. There was a chain that delicately laid on his chest, you admired it for a while before kissing his bare chest, grazing your fingertips against his robust abdomen, and pecking at the small trail of hair from his belly button. You could feel him getting hard under your touch as his tip brushed against your thigh, you reached your hand down, gently putting pressure on his member. Earning a sudden but quiet groan from him, you continued palming him until he was in a frenzy.

“Stop teasing me angel,” Jaehyun grunted, you simper at the nickname and at how much power you had over him.

“Or what?” You poked your tongue against the inside of your mouth, impatiently waiting for his answer.

“Or else I’ll have to teach yo-” you cut Jaehyun off by smacking your lips against his.

You mumbled between kisses, “you...talk...too much.” You hooked your fingers around the loop of his pants, again, taking your time to unzip it. Jaehyun took over your actions and threw it off of him, him now being the one only in undergarments.

“I wanna fuck you so badly,” Jaehyun bit his lip, his hands clutching onto your hips as you unconsciously roll your clothed core against his member.

You chuckled at his statement of desperation, “fuck me senseless then,” you whispered, chills running down his spine at your sultry voice.

Jaehyun reached his head up to meet your lips, he grazed his tongue against your bottom lip, so you mimicked him as a way of letting him enter your mouth. You want to feel more, you need to feel more so you kept rolling your core against his hardened member. You let out a loud gasp, but Jaehyun quickly hushes you by biting the bottom of your lip, you narrow your eyes at him, wincing at the pain that brought unknown pleasure. His eyes were filled with starvation and lust as he strips you down to your bra and panties. You curse at yourself for not matching them, having no idea this would ever occur. Jaehyun didn't care though, because he was too busy treasuring the sight in front of him.

The tingling feeling that was once forgotten, returned and you needed it to be released from your system. You threw your bra and panties off, Jaehyun widens his eyes at how driven you were in your actions, but he did the same because he needed to feel you too. Soon there was nothing but skin. Jaehyun was hovering above you, his chain dangling in front of you and looked at you with questioning eyes, but you knew what he was wondering.

“Please,” you begged, you brought your hand to your clit, tracing circles.

“Okay, okay,” he tears your hand away, replacing it with his.

Jaehyun has a way with his fingers. The slender and long digits drew the most pleasurable shapes against the lips of your core and your clit, your breath hitched when he gave no warning and slipped two fingers into your pussy. Your back arched at the feeling it brought, especially when he curled those beautiful fingers of his. When he slipped his fingers out, a hasty whine escaped your lips from the empty feeling.

“Look at you-” he smirked from above, “-we’re not even fucking yet and I’ve already got you wrapped around my finger, angel.” he lowered himself near your neck, giving it marks that would stain your neck for the next couple of days.

You shoved him off of you, pushing him aside and straddling him, “I can’t help it when you make me feel so good,” you dragged your response.

You grabbed his hard member that laid on his lower stomach and aligned it against your pussy. You gave him a sly smile before slowly sinking on his length. The both of you let out a relieved moan, Jaehyun quickly flipped you over until you were under him again. He covers your mouth with his hand, looking at you with clouded eyes.

“My parents are home,” he muttered in your ear.

“I don’t care,” you yanked his hand from your mouth, reaching up to devour him again.

You flipped him back over until you were on top of him again. It seemed like you both were fighting for dominance over each other, so stop it, you raised yourself and sunk onto his member again, picking up the pace. The two of you panted as you continued, occasionally stopping to ride him so you could catch your breath, but after a while, you started to feel tired and you faltered your pace. Jaehyun took notice of it so he firmly grasped your hips and took control. You moaned in his mouth from the pleasure you were receiving from him. To make it more pleasurable, Jaehyun flipped onto your stomach and entering in from behind. He drove his cock into you, bustling at an intense pace. Soon, the room was filled with your pants, gasps, and Jaehyun groans and muffled curses. It stenched like sex and sweat but felt like heaven.

Unexpectedly, Jaehyun spanked your ass, gaining whimpers from you, “you like that huh? You like that don’t you, you little slut,” he panted.

You paid no attention to his words, blinded by the pleasuring feeling inside of you, “go faster.” you commanded. 

Jaehyun flipped you back over so he could see you, see how tousled you look, “look at you, you're my bitch...and I...I own you,” he moaned, throwing his head back as his grip on your hips tightened enough to leave little blue patches the next day. 

Jaehyun set the pace as fast as he could and moments later, you found your fingers between his now unstyled hair, gripping it, while his hands wandered your body. The familiar, desired feeling rose in the pit of your stomach, indicating that you were close. You could feel it coming and you sensed Jaehyun was close too by the way his hips messily buckled against your core and how loud and uncontrolled his grunts were. Rapidly, you came, his name slipping from your lips. You held onto your anchor as your body shook and as stars blanketed your vision.

It didn’t take long for him to come after you, he rested his forehead against yours, “look at me,” he commanded, you did as he said. He peered down at you with those dark orbs of his, orbs that sent you pleasure, yet unknowingly, pain at the same time. 

“That was amazing.” he plopped beside you, hand on his stomach.

You laid there beside him, catching your breath too. When he got up to leave the bathroom, he came back with a warm, wet towel and wiped you down. You would flinch whenever he came close to your clit, having it still sensitive to be touched.

You were so tired from the wine and recent physical activity that you didn’t notice you knocked out. Jaehyun asked if you wanted to shower first, but realized you were already asleep, so he tucked you in, kissed your forehead, and made sure you were warm enough before he left. After showering, he joined you in bed, wrapping his arms around your waist. Everything was finally going smoothly, he smiled to himself.

It was 7 AM when you abruptly woke up, you could feel a pair of arms tighten their hold around you, and your stomach dropped. You instantly knew whose arms they belonged to because it was definitely not the first time they’ve been around you. The serene feeling didn’t sit well, you froze in your spot when the memories of last night burst at you. The dinner, the wine, you two...kissing. Oh no, you feel panic setting into your bones, you remember the remarks he said as he fucked you last night, the way he said it and you felt a wash of panic. You were clearly too comfortable in this situation and you desperately needed to get out. You needed to leave.

With closed lids, Jaehyun was on the brink of waking up as his arms searched for your warm body, your touch, but unexpectedly all he got in return was the cold, empty spot coming from the bedsheets. He shot up in bed, alarmed at your absent presence.

“Y/n?” He didn’t hear the shower go off, none of your soft footsteps could be heard, so he called you again, “y/n?” but there was nothing but silence.

Stillness enveloped him when he noticed that all of your belongings were gone, your clothes, your purse, your shoes. He called and texted you but you never answered. Jaehyun chucked a pillow to the floor in frustration and collapsed on the bed, hands rubbing his face and letting out a loud sigh. Jaehyun knew he fucked up.

[kirstinmaldonado]

CHAPTER THIRTEEN 2.0

I remember watching Glee. The pilot episode came out the end of my junior year, and then resumed my senior year of high school when I’d already been chosen and named Show Choir Captain (which of course was the biggest triple threat honor and validation one could have as a senior in the arts, right?). ;)

I’ll remember how I felt after the pilot episode forever. A spark lit up inside of me. Of inspiration? Of drive? Of acceptance? 

All three!? It made this little choir nerd feel COOL! I remember being blown away because there was nothing quite like it at the time, representing teens unabashedly following their passions whether it seemed cool or not, right or wrong. To just be! The next morning at school we all chatted about how badass we felt and how we would bring that energy to show choir. How cool it was that such a show came out when we were seniors, in a very “Watch out world, this is OUR year” way!

Little baby Kirstie transferred to Martin High School, with its renowned and arguably top music and theatre program of high schools in that area, for freshman year; which felt simultaneously like a nice clean start and incredibly horrifying. I had a few friends from community theatre but not too many in my grade and not too many that I shared classes with.

I was one of two freshman to make show choir my first year, and while I was excited for such an honor it immediately ostracized me. No one knew who I was or where I had come from, and that made me few friends and a few enemies. Although I wasn’t popular in high school, I don’t think I was unpopular…I ran in the theatre and choir crowd and took all AP classes, even graduating in the top 30 of my almost 1000 person class. 

My amazing mother instilled a strong worth ethic in me, so I valued working hard in school. I loved the schedule, I loved taking notes because I liked looking at my handwriting and cursive, how neat it was. I liked to highlight and color code everything so it was easier and more enticing to look at. I loved immersing myself in studies and extracurriculars which I balanced well, the curriculum only made harder if I skipped studying to hang with friends, which then turned in to grueling all nighters. 

But…sometimes I’d go to first period exhausted (sliding in to my seat right on time or late, you know how I roll) and there would be a Starbucks coffee on my desk from my best friend Will. Or after school when I’d planned to walk home, my friend Jory would give me a ride, but only after we got snow-cones and belted “If Only” from The Little Mermaid musical in the car all the way home.

That’s just two tiny examples of how amazing my friends, how amazing their hearts were. I cherish my time at high school and the people I met there with all my heart!! I feel so fortunate to have spent the BEST times, the worst times, and all the times in between with them. We explored family hardships and disputes, our own sexualities, our fears, our dreams with each other.

My friends were diverse. They were FUN! They inspired me with their work ethic. We all weren’t even pursuing the same thing, and in a way that made all of our uniqueness that much more precious. 

I think that’s how Glee was. A bunch of unique people, all doing their own unique things, then finding each other by sharing a common love and becoming friends.

So senior year show choir, we all became a bunch of Rachel Berrys, Santana Lopezes, Finn Hudsons, you name it. Glee had given us, or at least me, this new sparkly confidence. It reminded me that music was exactly what I loved, and what I wanted to spend my life pursuing.

After I graduated and months flew by, I didn’t watch the show as religiously like I used to. I’d catch a few episodes here and there, ones where the characters development and newfound growth  intrigued me, but my life had taken a turn and I just didn’t have the time anymore.

July 13, 2013. I was at my ex’s brother’s wedding when I heard the news. 

Cory Monteith had died from an overdose.

I’m not sure if I’ve ever cried about a celebrity’s death before then. Although I hadn’t been close to the show anymore, a part of me felt immediately heartbroken. Heartbroken that he’d been alone, heartbroken that he was doing what he was doing in the first place, but had the ability to keep edging deeper and deeper into a point of no return. I had romanticized about a relationship like Rachel and Finn, I had admired his and all the characters hearts and purpose. I had rooted for him. They in a way, felt like my friends, because that’s how I viewed my friends in high school. He was an everlasting part of why and where I was now, because Scott, Mitch, and I formed our trio for a contest to meet the cast of Glee that first season. 

People made fun of me that day. You don’t even know him. Why are you so upset?

I watched The Quarterback and then I couldn’t watch Glee again. Occasionally it came on TV, but it didn’t feel the same to me.

To me, Glee was the first show of its kind, representing and making heroes and stars out of people who would have normally been called losers. I’d never seen representation on screen that made me feel special as a Latina or as someone pursing “not a real career.” As the season progressed it evolved past the cheeky humor and delved in to real-world topics and teenage struggles. 

Seven years later, with Naya Rivera being found the day of Cory’s passing, I couldn’t help but feel like he played a role in guiding her home.

I think Naya was incredibly underrated. The show obviously had its main frontrunners, but Naya’s character transcended the “normal” teen woes of wanting to be a star. Through her sarcasm and wit, she was more complex. She had more to hide. She had more to give.

I loved seeing a Latina woman on the screen, a REAL one, not just an actor with darker features. I loved seeing her delve in to her sexuality with her best friend, and her experiences made my own feel valid. I thought what courage it must take to sit down with your hispanic grandmother, who you love so dearly, and be able to share a part of them that they maybe wouldn’t understand. I was crying from the second that scene started, thinking I’d maybe never have the courage to be that open.

I’ve thought of Naya and her family a lot this week. I’ve seen how many people loved her. While I never met her, I know her and the rest of the cast left a special mark on my life journey, and I will forever be grateful for them, and her.

I will remember show choir practices, in our sparkly, itchy  outfits, preparing for contest.

I will remember sneaking up in to the auditorium catwalk to sneak kisses with my best friend.

I will remember making the silliest videos when we all went to All-State choir.

I will remember belting and dancing on our cars to “Don’t Stop Believing” at the local Starbucks parking lot.

I will remember holding my friends tight crying as we all wore our different college shirts in our final performance as a show choir, having no idea that I was about to go out and be a part of something greater.

Glee brought together a hodgepodge of people. And that’s what Pentatonix was too. And it brought us together.

So I guess at the end of the day, all I want to say is… thank you, to Glee. To Cory. To Naya.

For creating special characters, that lit that special spark.

Rest in peace.

[crushzone]

🎬 About Me

Original art of me and my fictional hubby, Ukai Keishin, by @achieve-the-sun​, posted with permission. 💕 

Hi there!

My name is Nin and I am the founder of Crushzone Cinema Theater. 📽 🍿 

🎬 THE BASICS

Age: 23

Birthday: December 24th

Pronoun: She/her

Education: Graduated with a dual degree in Film and Global History

Occupation: Is currently a film freelancer in the camera department, who desperately needs money to pay rent every month lol.

Likes: 

- The sound of rain tapping on my window

- Watching my plants rise and droop to the moving sun

- Cooking and experimenting with different cuisines; Japanese, Thai and Chinese are some of my favorites.

- Giving my husband and my cat their head rubs every night.

- Drawing, painting, and photography. (Here’s some of my works!)

- The feeling of accomplishment after you’ve gone through SO much for a project with your peers. To work on your own movie or short film, and finally seeing it done, is such a rewarding experience.

- To eat my Mac and Cheese with ketchup, nutritional yeast, and steamed broccoli. (Fight me lol. 🦖 )

- Eating chips with chopsticks.

- Medjool dates with a spoonful of crunchy peanut butter 😋 

-Wearing oversized clothes, especially hoodies.

- Sitting at my reading nook, with my cat next to me on the chair.

Dislikes: 

- The buzzing sound bees make when they fly.

- Slipping on my own chunk of hair on the ground; I have a lot of hair and I shed a lot.

- The heat, I may be from Thailand, but I am very much done with the blaring heat. One second I’ll look real cute with my face all done up, but the moment I step out, it’s already melting from my face.

- Going to sleep; there’s SO much more I could be doing right now!

- When my bangs desperately need a trim and is poking my eyes.

- Poor lighting, doesn’t matter if it is real life, just light it like you’re IN a film!! It’s so much more dramatic that way! (For real, come to my house, every corner is lit with some sort of a look/mood 😏)

- Loud noises; when people are yelling all the time, or something is loud, I get nervous when I can’t hear my own thoughts.

- People with bad attitude, a temper, or is just kind of mean in general. There is absolutely no excuse for you to be that way, and nothing productive comes out of it. Nuh-uh.

🎬 FUN FACTS

My parents hired a piano teacher when I was in elementary school, but because I didn’t enjoy her company (for some reason), I refused to absorb information. Little did I know, it would backfire me and would have absolutely no effect to her pay.

I’m that kid who always has 4 spare pencils and 5 erasers to lend out to my peers.

Will serenade to my cat every morning and night, so if you are ever my roommate, I apologize for my horrible singings.

Performed as a cave and pot in my high school production, and lemme tell ya, it is more difficult than it sounds.

Has no problem doing laundry in the morning, but the moment the sun falls, I will be too afraid to go down into my basement to do it. Some may say that it is an excuse for me to put laundry off for the next day, but I always tell my husband that there’s a “Babadook” in there. 👀

One time I stepped on a millipede, and I cried for 2 days because I felt really bad for it.

I’m actually VERY shy most of the times, so if you see me laughing a lot like a hyena, then it’s likely that it’s just me being awkward. OR I may just be having a good time, who knows.

I’m awful around kids, I am SO awkward and will stiff up like a rock (if you see me doing that, pls come safe me). One time this kid asked me why I laugh so much, so I simply just laughed some more while backing out of the room slowly. 🤦‍♀️ 

🎬 SOME FUN QUESTIONS!

What is something you wish you were gifted at doing?

I wish I could sing. My husband is a musician, and it looks like he’s having so much fun. There’s just something so freeing about it, as if it’s another language that takes time to become fluent in, but when you are, it’s so captivating and expressive. I don’t think I’m an awful singer, but is just too incredibly shy to sing in front of others. 

What is the first movie you remember seeing in theater?

It may had been Disney’s Dinosaur (2000), not sure. All I remember was that there were a bunch of dinosaurs on screen, may had even been 3D with those glasses.

At one point, a tiger jumped at the screen, and I started crying. My mom and brother wanted to finish the movie, so my dad had to sit outside with me, until it was over. It was chill tho, my dad was teaching me different dinosaur names. 👶 🦖 🦕 

What is the first thing you do when you get home?

Pants off, baby!! I don’t usually wear a bra, but if do, then I guess it’s bra’s off first. Then I instantly hop into my plaid boxer shorts hehee. 🤭 

What has been the hardest thing for you to face or learn?

That people go through different stages of their life at different paces, and that is totally okay. When I was younger, I would always overwork, and as a result, I don’t really have a lot of time for myself. I did that, mostly, because I wanted to get a head start at everything, especially at my career. Now that I am 23-24, and had just graduated from Class of 2019, I’ve been getting film gigs since I was a sophomore, and is now a full time freelancer. 

Yet, I was not satisfied, because I got to work with a 21 y/o in a position that was under her, and it made me feel momentarily incompetent; like I wasn’t doing well enough. But it will never be enough if that’s the mindset; I never considered that she skipped university and went straight into film, so circumstances were entirely different.

Meanwhile, there’s someone 10+ years older than me who is struggling to get the work I’d get, and that is okay too. What I should’ve done is feel happy for her, and use that to motivate myself to improve.  As long as I never give up, and continue to do my best with a good attitude, everything will be just fine.

If you could give your younger self any advice what would it be?

That it’s okay to take a break sometimes, live life a little, and cherish all the happiness, sadness, heartbreak, and struggles that you are going through right now. Every tear will make you stronger, and genuine every smile will eventually pull you through. 

Time goes by very quickly, and every stage in your life is a part of you, so make sure you remember how you get to where you are well.

Do you see the glass as half empty or half full?

Half full, just grateful that there’s any liquid in the glass at all, and is excited to acquire more with all the space I’ve got on top, ya know? 🤷‍♀️ 

What is the strangest thing you believed as a child?

That if you whistle at night, the ghosts will come find you. Or if you play hide and seek at night, then you’ve opened up some kind of portal that the ghosts will kidnap you away from this dimension forever.

Tbh, I think my grandma was just sick of me trying to learn how to whistle when I was in elementary school and of me running around the house at night, so she made these omen up lol.

What time do you usually get up in the morning?

Used to wake up at 13:00-14:00 all the time, but since I married an early bird, I’ve been up at 6:30-7:00 lately.

What time is your usual bed time?

Heeheee 1:00-2:00 in the morning, oops.

How has your birth order/characteristics of siblings affected you?

I have the loveliest older brother in the world, he’s 4 years older, and is very smart, diligent, athletic, and funny. Me being the only daughter, my parents are incredibly protective, so they’d always have my brother do everything for me. 

It was a relief when I was younger, but as I enter high school, it became a little frustrating; I felt like I was living under his shadows and can never be considered independent. They’d also spend a lot more time training with him cuz he’s a national competitive swimmer.

Because of that, I had a lot of time to myself, so I experimented with my own interests and grew in my own way. As I’ve grown, I can definitely say that it’s made me a lot more independent and introverted haha. I absolutely dislike depending on anyone (Will be my last resort), but it’s also nice to know that whenever either of us fall, we’ll always have each other’s back.

#tag games with Nin 🎮

Learn even more about me through various tag games I participated!✌️ 

#chats with Nin

My previous responses, rambles, vibe checks, and many more!

And please drop by my ask box and chit chat, I love interacting with you all! 👋 

>>> Back to Ticket Booth Navigation 🎟

[imfreakyeah]

Fell Out [Chaesoo One Shot]

Jisoo is just an ordinary girl who has an ordinary life. Nothing special about her—except maybe that one time she won eating contest 2 years ago.

She used to enjoy her life—so much—so hard that she wants to stay forever. She has a job. She enjoys it—although sometimes she hates it—she still enjoys it. She had a girlfriend—yes, had. Until recently, 5 months ago to be exact, her girlfriend called it off.

Jisoo doesn't even know the reason why?—All she knew she was just enjoying her food in her apartment alone—was enjoying the chicken skewers she loves the most when that phone notification popped out and her girlfriend's name appeared.

Jisoo thought it was such a perfect moment to invite her girlfriend over for a Chicken Skewers Party since they both love to eat—but later, her mood suddenly changed when she read her girlfriend's text.

It felt like her world just turned upside down. She felt nausea out of the blue—like her content just gonna blow up soon. She felt weak as her whole body turned exactly like jelly and all she wanted to do was to slump her body on the sofa.

The "We need to talk" sentence from Rosie, her girlfriend somehow made she felt like that—exaggerating, yes—but she knew she has good instinct and she never wrong about things—most of the time.

It was like when she failed her chemistry class a few years ago. She felt uneasy all of sudden. Her body was sweating a lot that day and she felt like there will be something happen in the future that will disadvantage her—she was right. She was grounded for 2 weeks because of that. She had to miss a lot of things her friends did—had to miss the karaoke week that she and her friends used to have when they were in high school.

Yes, it was different but the feeling was similar. Like, she knew what's going to happen the second she replied.

And again, she was right. Just like that, the bomb just dropped.

"I think we should call things off between us" — Jisoo was still staring at her phone, for like a few minutes. She just hates it when she knew what's coming and that she can't do anything about it.

So she replied, with a heavy heart, "I already sensed this will come sooner or later but I never thought it would be THIS soon"

And since that day, Rosie never called not even texted her.

--

You know, for a brokenhearted girl, Jisoo is strong. She didn't even cry that day Rosie dumped her. She didn't even feel sad—maybe just a little when she read back their old text messages and how fun they were when they were dating. How cute Rosie could be and how they never had a very big fight, not even arguments.

She missed the memories of her—Maybe also the person but she tried so hard not to think of it like that.

But that's 2 weeks ago.

This time, Jisoo just couldn't endure it anymore. She couldn't even stop crying. Her eyes puffed. Her body became weaker. She didn't even eat for 2 days and it's unlike her—she can't even stay hungry for a minute and now she starved herself.

When she realized how much energy she wasted for her ex-girlfriend that does not even care anymore about her, she felt like there is no use to stay inside her apartment so she reached out her car keys and go somewhere she can calm herself.

She was driving for like 30 minutes. She knew deep down, she shouldn't trust herself when she's at this state but she doesn't care. She needs to let it all out by watching a classic movie at a drive-in theatre.

Watching movies was the most favourite thing that they always did—every Friday until Saturday night at her apartment or Rosie's apartment, they were spending a lot of times watching movies, eating popcorn, cuddling—maybe a minute or two of a make-out session as well.

She was in peace watching the movie until someone knocked her car's door. Her heart is beating so fast—what if it's a serial killer who wants to kill her because s/he knows that Jisoo is broken right now and very very fragile and that she would let them kill her. But she turned around eventually.

Instead of being calmer, her breathing becomes uneven. It's more than a serial killer, it's more than a ghost...

"Rosie" She stated.

The latter is still trying to open the door as she tapped on the window, "Open the door. Jisoo, open the door" She said in a demanding tone that she always use every time Jisoo annoyed her but this time, Jisoo didn't annoy her.

Jisoo eventually opens the lock and soon the latter sliding into the car and sit at the front passenger's seat—just a meter from Jisoo. Jisoo didn't even say anything because clearly, Rosie is the unexpected person and the most unwanted one that she wants to meet yet there she is, still with her most beautiful face that Jisoo always loves.

"Did you follow me here?" She accused.

Jisoo simply said, "No."

"Tell me the truth, Jisoo"

"I said no"

Like most people that were dating for years, Rosie always knows Jisoo's habits. She knows when Jisoo's lying or when she's telling the truth. Jisoo never looked at Rosie in the eyes and always fidgeting her fingers whenever she lied to her—although she only ever lied to Rosie one time and that was when she held a surprise party for her. Rosie had to pretend she didn't know Jisoo's plan and play along to make the latter happy so when Jisoo replied to her question just now, she knew the latter wasn't lying.

"Okay." Rosie finally stated.

"I just needed time alone here if I knew I would meet you here, I wouldn't come here," Jisoo said in a very calm tone, even though her tears just at the edge of her eyes but she can't cry—no, not in front of her. So she changes the topic fast and asks her what is she doing here—of course, Jisoo knows Rosie also watching a movie.

"I watch a movie"— "You sure you weren't following me, right?"

Jisoo then turns her head to see the latter in the eyes, "Yes, I am very sure"

Rosie nodded, "Okay. I'll leave then" she said as she almost reaches out the doorknob but Jisoo's hand was faster to catch the latter's hand.

"Why?" Jisoo bravely asked, "Why did you break up with me? I think I have the right to ask you that"

Rosie couldn't even look at Jisoo's eyes after hearing Jisoo's sentence.

"It's just..."

"I never changed, Rosie. I am still Jisoo. I even still remembered the first time we met. You were at the bookstore trying to find The Punishment English classic book edition and then you saw me was reading that book so you had to ask me to give you that book because you want to have. I told you that was my book but I said you could read it but it was impossible to read it all in just a few hours so I told you to just bring that book and you can give it back to me later and since that day, we exchanged numbers and get to know each other" She paused, "I still remember every single thing you did, every single word you said. I am still the same Jisoo, Rosie. So, why?"

Rosie's eyes sparkled, it's like she's also sad about it about how much Jisoo has still remembered things about her. She lets out a heavy sigh, "It's not because of that. It's not because of you, Jisoo"

"Then what? Tell me? I need to know the truth because I don't want to spend another 5 years with someone wrong. I don't want to have a relationship only to lose it in the future—I want to cherish it, I want to love the person wholeheartedly but I don't want to get hurt"

"Because I fell out of love with you"

"What? How?" Refusing to believe, Jisoo bombarded Rosie with another question.

"I don't know! Okay? I don't know. All I know is that when we were on a phone call a few months ago, and after we said goodnight to each other, it just hit me—the feeling hit me and I felt nothing. Not even butterfly in my stomach, not even my heart beating fast not even miss you after a few seconds we finished our late phone call. It's just... plain and I know if I continue it, I just gonna hurt you even more" She paused, "So before everything gets messier, I ended things with you. I'm sorry you are hurt, I swear it wasn't my intention to hurt you. It just, I can't force my feelings anymore"

Jisoo is just dumbfounded. She puts her elbow on the car's window as she rests her head with the support of her palm. She didn't say anything nor even felt anything. She should be sad. She should cry but she didn't. Is it what it feels like dying?

"I want you to move on, Jisoo. I want you to continue your life. Promise me you will move on? Promise me, Jisoo?" Rosie said, repeated the 'promise' word.

Jisoo sighed, without even looking at the latter, her gaze fixed to the big screen.

"Jisoo?"

"Where is your car?" Jisoo asked; ignoring her words.

"I didn't bring my car here. I came with someone"

Jisoo's face finally turned around, "Where is the car?" Jisoo asked.

Rosie pointing her finger towards a black car that parked just a few meters from Jisoo's car. She saw a silhouette of someone inside. Jisoo nodded. She finally understands. She finally knew the reason.

Just like a psychic, Rosie noticed her facial expression, "Jisoo, I know what you're thinking and no, I didn't cheat on you. I just met her last week. Hyeri introduced her to me. I'm not cruel, Jisoo. I would never do that to you" She paused, "Now, I want you to promise. Promise me to move on and continue your life without me?"

It feels like there is something blocking Jisoo from breathing so she just nodded. Eyes still fixed on the big screen, "I promise" She stated.

Rosie realized how uneasy Jisoo is right now. She knows Jisoo is sweating and she keeps fidgeting her fingers—that's when she noticed Jisoo was lying to her. Rosie feels like she's done talking to her so she excused herself out of her car to go back to that black car.

Jisoo's eyes slightly follow her figure even until she's inside the car. She was talking to that silhouette that Jisoo believes it's her new girlfriend—or soon to be a girlfriend.

Now it's her again, alone inside her car watching a movie that she doesn't even pay attention. Slowly, tiny little raindrops dropped on her window. She wipes it along with her teary eyes—hoping the pain will go away after the rain.

FIN.

-----------------------------------------------------------

This one shot is inspired and adapted from a short story by my favourite Indonesian writer, Raditya Dika. I use the concept but I made mine differently.

To whom want to read the original one you can visit this link (the story is in Indonesian but hopefully you can also read it with raw translation that google offers). I promise you it's even better than what I wrote.

Check out other stories I have wrote on Asianfanfics and wattpad :)

[dc41896]

Liquid Courage-Mini Imagine (2)

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A post shared by LEWIS TAN (@lewistanofficial) on Dec 13, 2019 at 10:57pm PST

This is the second mini imagine idea (well from what all I added it’s probably not mini anymore lol) I had for this post and I hope you guys like it 😊!

“So guys as y’all probably know, we just wrapped and it’s definitely bitter sweet,” you spoke into the camera sitting on your vanity. “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t excited to get back home and rest for a while with Pluto, who I know is probably driving my mom crazy. But also I’m really gonna miss my time here with the cast and crew that have really made this experience even more surreal and amazing!”

“I think I can speak for everyone here when I say that we can’t wait for you to see what all we’ve done and hope you guys enjoy watching as much as we did making it!,” you finished with a smile. “Now before I erupt in tears and look like a hot mess, y’all know what time it is right? Alexa! Play my Celebrate Playlist!”

Hearing the familiar beat of Ain’t My Fault by Zara Lawson, you stand up performing your best dance moves in front of your phone and doing an occasional twerk. Laughing and flashing a peace sign, you cut the video and post it to your Instagram as well as your Twitter.

Still swaying to the music as you reply to comments, you hear a knock at your door and what sounded like a familiar voice. Opening the door of your trailer, you have little time to react as you’re greeted by champagne being sprayed all over you.

“HAPPY WRAP DAY!!!,” Lewis shouted laughing as he finished shaking the bottle. “I promise Tan if you got any of that in my hair, we’re gonna have problems,” you respond trying to take the bottle from his hands.

Your relationship with Lewis in the span of you guys filming, was reminiscent of that of siblings. Not that you fought at all, but you guys were always trying to mess with each other, which is how your prank war started.

You occasionally teamed up to prank your other co-stars, but most of the time it was you against him. Because of your antics and how close you guys were, this gave some, including the makeup artist and your other best friend on set, Liza, think that there was a bit more to your relationship.

Every time she brought it up, you always dismissed it saying that Lewis was just your friend and co-star, nothing more.

“No I didn’t get it in your hair princess and it’s funny how you think you’re gonna reach this bottle,” he teases holding it over his head as he tries to run away from you.

“Can you both please just date already? Better yet, get married so then I can be maid of honor!,” Liza interrupted.

“Liza, no,” both you and Lewis replied at the same time making her hold her hands up in surrender.

“Yea yea I know, you’re just friends,” she answers. “But don’t come telling me I was right if something happens!”

“Noted, thank you Liza,” Lewis sarcastically smiles as she walks away, making you laugh. “So you’re going to the party tonight right?”

“Yep! Why were you gonna spray me again?,” you smirk as he follows you to the door of your trailer.

“No I’m not gonna spray you again,” he laughs, hand on the back of his neck. “I was just wondering if you were going because maybe we could ride together, if that’s something you’d want to do?”

“Yea, that’s fine! Want to meet about 30 minutes before?,” you ask taking a drink from the half empty champagne bottle. “Yea sounds good, I’ll see you then. That is if it doesn’t take you forever to get ready,” he answers taking a drink himself.

“Whatever Lewis you know you take just as long as I do if not longer.”

“Mhmm yea keep telling yourself that,” he winks closing the door behind him before you could try to say or do anything further.

~~~~~~

Choosing a cropped black tank with a matching high waisted, bodycon skirt that stopped slightly above the knee, you slid into your stilettos finally ready. Applying your perfume and earrings as a last touch, you hear a knock on your door signaling that Lewis was ready to go as well.

“Quick whi- whoa,” he stops as soon as you open the door for him to come in. “What? Is there deodorant on my outfit?! Man I thought I was careful,” you ask searching your outfit for evidence of the residue.

“No no, you just look gorgeous! I mean not that you don’t always look good because you do and not like I’ve been watching you or something or-,”

“Lewis it’s ok I get what you were saying,” you laugh, interrupting his small ramble. “And thank you! Now I’m guessing you were gonna ask me about which shirt you should wear?”

“Yea I can’t decide which looks better,” he answers holding up both shirts. “I say the cream, I think it’ll match better plus it’ll bring out your eyes,” you answer with a soft smile.

Soon after he changed his shirt and you both took a few pictures, you were headed to meet the rest of the cast and crew to celebrate all that you guys had accomplished.

In the car, everything seemed normal between you guys as you talked and sang along to whatever was on the radio. However in the back of both of your minds, you couldn’t help but think of the compliments you had been given by the other.

You’d be lying if you said Lewis wasn’t attractive, but you didn’t think anything was there from how he acted around you. He was always so friendly and sweet, so you figured he was just like that with all his female friends.

Then again, these situations tended to be hard for you to read, so you honestly didn’t know what to think.

You pushed all that to the side though as you guys arrived to your destination.

~~~~~~

Making sure to say hello to everyone, you made your way around the room giving out hugs and having conversations. Of course Liza and a few of your other cast mates noticed how you and Lewis came together and gave you knowing smirks, to which you just shook your head.

As the night went on, there were shots, laughs, and dancing. Hearing one of your favorite songs, you began rapping the lyrics to MotorSport, which Sisi, one of your co-stars, caught on camera and cheered you on throughout your full performance.

Seeing a photo booth in the corner, you made sure to try to get pictures with everyone you wanted. You’d always remember your time filming and everyone involved, but it was nice to have mementos you could cherish as well.

You already had a group picture including Lewis, but he pulled you into the small enclosed machine once more saying how he wanted to get a picture with just the two of you. Looking at the screen, you notice how both of you had quite the looks compared to how you left earlier, making you burst out in laughter.

Somehow, you ended up wearing Lewis’ chain and some oversized shades, while he ended up shirtless with a blonde wig. Knowing Lewis though, and hearing various stories from his friends, you weren’t surprised that this happened given his extensive history of going home not dressed the same as he left.

“Are you laughing at how I look?,” he asks trying his best to do a hair flip but failing seeing that the wig was unbelievably stiff.

“No not at all honey,” you laugh positioning the wig to fit better on his head as you sat on his lap. “Alright first pose is a smile!”

Watching the countdown on the screen, you both smiled in time for the flash that illuminated the small area. “Ok next one, funny face!,” he suggests followed by both of you waiting again to do your poses.

“Um idk what to do next,” you giggle. Seeing the countdown begin again, you both quickly do the first pose that came to mind, which was definitely not on the same page as each other.

Lewis was trying to face you and make an angry expression as you leaned in to kiss his cheek, causing you to kiss the corner of his mouth. In the midst of the flash, you both slightly jump back from each other, hearts now slightly racing trying to figure out what to say next.

“Sorry I should’ve stayed looking forward,” Lewis nervously laughs. “No no! I should’ve been the one to keep looking forward or told you to stay still,” you reply nervously playing with his chain.

Neither of you know how, but you happened to look at each other at the same time, just gazing into each other’s brown eyes as if you knew what would happen next. Leaning in, you meet his lips as you wrap your arms around his neck and his wrap around your waist.

Coming to the party, your intent definitely wasn’t to kiss your best guy friend. You honestly didn’t know how it ended up happening, but figured the three shots of tequila paired with some suppressed feelings from earlier might have had something to do with it.

“HA I KNEW IT!!,” you hear Liza shout from outside before being shushed by whoever else was with her; interrupting your moment.

“Remind me to get Liza after this,” Lewis smiles before kissing you again.

Taglist: @fumbling-fanfics @crushed-pink-petals @honeychicana @themyscxiras @lady-olive-oil @melinda-january @felicity-x0 @lovelymari4 @ellixthea @jojolu @jnk-812 @brwn-sgr @captainsamwlsn @nina-sj @itshinothey @wildfirecracker

If anybody wants to be tagged, has asked to be tagged and doesn’t see their name in the taglist, or only wants to be tagged for certain people I write for, just let me know😊!

[wastelandcth]

37 32 30!

30. Post a snippet from your current WIP without context - no more than 300 words.

Calum missed the warmth he got whenever she was around. He missed how her smile never left her face and how her laughter made his stomach flutter. He missed how he could talk about anything that came to mind with her, nothing was ever too weird for her. But as the city became smaller and the clouds were below him, Calum realized that maybe it had been too late to try and fix things. It had been a fight that was brewing for a while. Both of them too stubborn to bring up the issue and too afraid to know where the consequences would lead them. As the days leading up to Calum's departure got closer, the nights became tenser. Fun dinner dates turned into quiet nights with phone screens replacing their usually vibrant conversations. Soft mornings together became cold mornings where Calum woke up alone in bed, the sound of a shower shutting off bringing him back from whatever dream he'd been having.

32. Copy and paste your top three favorite lines/jokes/sentences you’ve ever written. What fics do they come from?

1. "I don’t know how the stars ever thought to bless me with you. How they saw me and thought I could ever be loved and adored by your force and soul. But every night, whether I’m with you or whether I’m thousands of miles away, I thank the stars for bringing me to you." - we are one together one apart

2. “ They seemed to move slower that day, both of them leaving lingering touches and kisses that seem to last a few seconds too long. But eventually, they found themselves in the car with the promise of coffee and bagels for breakfast. The memories of fall leaves and starry nights would forever be cherished between them both and a promise that whenever things got too much they’d find their way back. ” - under the stars

3. "I don’t want the fighting. I want the kisses in the morning and the way you always cover your mouth when you laugh too loud. I want the midnight drives when we sing to whatever songs are stuck in our head and the love we had for one another.” you sighed and sat up. “I want things to be the way they were, Calum." "My heart is yours, you know that? It always has been yours.” Calum mumbled as his hand found your cheek and his lips found yours. “ - the way it was 

37. Give an update on your current WIP - if you don’t have one, give a sneak peek to a title or idea that you have and would like to write.

Nation of Two rewrite is my current WIP, I have two chapters (out of 13 i think) done already and I started on the third last night! I’m excited about the direction of the story. It’s not really a linear story, more like little pockets into this relationship, but I’ve also already drafted the ending and I really like how it turned out!

ask me a question about fanfics!

[dramallamadingdang]

Oh, God! Question meme! A really long one! Run! Hide!

Tagged by @ajaysims. *points* It's his fault! His! Not mine! ;)

This is really long, since it's a synthesis of two of these questions memes and I have verbal diarrhea. So, I cut.

Name: Katrina

Nicknames: Most RL people other than my kids and grandkids call me Kat because one syllable is less than three. :) Simmers call me iCad because that's what I chose to call myself when I started participating in the community. Hubby calls me Kitten. Kids call me Ma, usually in exasperated/long-suffering tones. Grandkids call me Mimi because I hate the usual things that grandmothers are called because they're associated with old people. I may be old, but I'm not old, y'know? :)

Zodiac sign: Taurus, but astrology is still bullshit.

Height: A hair less than 6'0/about 182cm. And very underweight due to digestive/metabolic issues mostly because of a malfunctioning liver. (No, not from alcohol. From having had asymptomatic Hepatits C that I most likely got from a blood transfusion in the early 80s, before they screened donated blood for that. It sucks, y'all. Cherish your liver. Baby it. Seriously. Stop with the alcohol. Just stop. Do weed instead.)

Orientation: In experience/practice: A Kinsey 2. In terms of the kind of person who attracts me: People with IQs over 130. I really, truly don't care what you look like, what gender you identify as, or what sex organs you have or don't have. Smart is seriously sexy. So, I'm sapiosexual. :)

Ethnicity: Whitey-white-white, yay! :| Glow-in-the-dark white. I-start-burning-in-the-sun-in-30-seconds white. Damn-near-albino white. Also, mostly of Welsh descent. Only sort of half-second-generation American on one side; my paternal grandma was one of those horrible immigrants who took a job away from a Real American(TM). She was even a somewhat illegal one, for a few months. But she was white and British so I guess that's OK.

(Sorry, as a person married to a man whose mum -- who is awesome -- was born in Mexico and who came here legally with her family when she was 7 and is a citizen but she still gets shit these days because she’s “a Mexican,” I've sorta come to really hate the kind of people who tend to call themselves Real Americans(TM).)

Favorite fruit: Okra, especially when part of aloo bhindi masala, an Indian dish. Okra IS a fruit. Really. Look it up. Also, tomatoes.

Favorite season: Autumn, when everything is dying. MWAHAHAHAHAH!

Favorite book series: Still Sharon Kay Penman's "Welsh trilogy." Also, though not really a series, per se: The Star Trek novels that were published in the 80s. They got mostly stupid after that, but there were some gems that were published in the mid-80s, before The Next Generation was a thing.

Favorite flower: Calla lilies. Usually used in funeral arrangements, along with Easter lilies, yay. Flowers of death! MWAHAHAH!

Favorite scent: Lilacs. Lavender. Honeysuckle. And this "rain" scent scented candle. It's so clean and fresh and not-perfumey, yet it manages to drown out the brine smell that eventually permeates everything when you live close to the shore...

Favorite color: Greens. All shades, although I prefer the yellower shades, especially the darker ones like army green. Also, orange.

Favorite animal: The spotted hyena, but I already extolled their many virtues the last time I did this list, so I'll refrain. Also, elephants.

Coffee, tea, or hot cocoa: Hell no, maybe, and yes please (if it's vegan), respectively.

Average sleep hours: Sleep? What is this word? *just came off a 38-hour work "day" a few hours ago, and I'm too wired to sleep.* YAY SHOWBIZ! :| But generally, when life isn't crazy, usually about 6 hours per 24 hour period. And I'm nocturnal, so those six hours are usually between about 0900 and about 1500. :)

Cat or dog person: Both person. And llama person. And alpaca person. And horse person. And snake person. And spider person.

Favorite fictional characters: Spock. (Well, actually, pretty much the entire original Star Trek crew except, well, Kirk. Whom I hate. With a passion. I really like Abrams-Kirk, though. Oddly enough. So it might just be that I can't stand Shatner...) The Cardassian characters from Star Trek: DS9, but especially Garak. Also, Julian Bashir and Miles O'Brien from DS9. Jack O'Neill and Rodney McKay from the Stargate franchise. KITT from the original Knight Rider. And Jayne Cobb from Firefly. (Hi, @eulaliasims!)

Number of blankets you sleep with: I'm in SoCal at the moment. No blankets because I tend to sleep in the warm part of the day. And when I do sleep at night, there's a furnace-like husband and a large, furnace-like dog in the bed with me. Blankets would be overkill.

Dream trip: Still Antarctica. Or space. But Antarctica is more likely at this point. ;)

Blog created: I think it was December of 2013. Maybe November. Ahhhh, those halcyon pre-2016 years...

Number of followers: Right now? 1443. It might change in an hour or so.

Time right now: About 0220 Pacific Time, Wednesday, March 22. One month and one day until my birthday. I expect presents, people! (Nah, I kid. Birthdays after 50 don't mean much. Hell, birthdays after 18 -- or 21, nowadays, I guess -- don't mean much. :) )

Last thing you googled: I was looking for some textures to use for some recolors I'm working on during downtimes at work.

Fave music artist: In terms of non-classical stuff: Queen, always and forever. But I also really like the Barenaked Ladies and other such alternative groups from the 90s as well as 80s New Wave stuff. Also, Metallica. In terms of "classical" stuff: Beethoven, always and forever.

Song stuck in my head: Beethoven's 8th piano sonata, 3rd movement. I was playing it at work today...on my cello. I'm working on arranging the entire sonata for solo cello...starting with the 3rd movement because I do better working on things backward. (Since I'd be willing to bet most people don't know the tune off the top of their head, here's Dubravka Tomsic playing it on youtube, if you're curious.

Last movie I watched: Star Trek Beyond. I liked it better than Into Darkness but not as well as the first Abrams-verse one...

Last TV show I watched: I have Stargate Atlantis paused on my computer screen at the moment. I plan to work on furnishing/decorating the house I put up for download tonight when I'm done with this, and I usually have a TV show playing while I build/decorate stuff in my game. :)

What I’m wearing right now: A pair of black sweatpants and a Telluride Daily Planet T-shirt. (That's the local newspaper at home. :) ) Boring white underwear. My fleece-lined moccasins because my feet are always cold.

The kind of stuff I post: Sims stuff, duh! At least on this blog. :) The other blog has the ranty/political stuff.

Why did I choose my url: Because I like to point and laugh at silly internet drama and because I own llamas, and I added dingdang because dramallama was taken and because of this song.

Gender: According to every one of those silly "What Gender Are You?" online quizzes, I am male, mainly because I'm a self-confident, argumentative, assertive, non-empathetic asshole who doesn't do "feelings." Yet, I have girl plumbing. Go figure. Meh, it's all just social conditioning and expectations, anyway, so...I rebel. I reject gender labeling and their associated roles.

Hogwarts house: I took a quiz once and it said Gryffindor. I've never read Harry Potter or seen any of the movies except one of them during an airplane flight...and I fell asleep during it, so...Yeah, I don't know what it means to be Gryffindor. Don't much care, either.

Pokémon team: Don't know anything about Pokemon, either.

Lucky number: 13 because I am anti-superstition. (Well, except when it comes to white pianos, of course, but I have hard evidence that they are evil, so it’s not superstition. ;) ) Or 42. Take your pick.

Dream job: I once said "Not having one" but then followed it up with "but that's boring." So, I decided to take on some work through June. And you know what? I'm gonna go back to "Not having one." I just need to find some volunteer work to keep me occupied for a few hours a day. Not for 38-hour "days," though. :p

Relationship status: I is married to my second husband. He's cute. And a lot younger than me, woooooooo! First marriage wasn't nearly so fun, though. The only good thing that came of it was my kids.

Pets: Oh, God. Most of them are back home in Colorado (where I have a 39-acre ranch) while I'm here in California, but:

A herd of llamas and alpacas, about 50 total at the moment, but "unpacking" season is approaching, so that number will be going up to about 65 soon. 5 horses 2 nanny goats...which actually belong to a neighbor but they're currently housed on my property, so...they count! 8 dogs 5 cats...although sadly that will probably be going down to four soon because the 18-year-old whose had health problems all her life is currently quite sick and likely won't be getting better. :( Also, there are a ton of barn cats, but they don't really count as pets. A flock of chickens. 1 rooster, the rest hens. 1 California kingsnake 5 tarantulas, various species 8 dragonfly nymphs. I think 2 will become dragonflies this year because I've had them for a few years now...

Last song you listened to: Beethoven's 5th piano concerto, for somewhat sentimental reasons.

Favorite TV Show: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. I love the original series a lot, too, but DS9 surpassed it in my book.

First Fandom: Star Trek, of course. I remember declaring that I would marry Spock when I grew up. I was 3 at the time, in 1967, watching the episode "Amok Time" (in which Spock almost gets married) in its original run. We'd only just gotten a color TV a few months before, so it was REALLY COOL. I also wrote a crapton of fanfic in the 70s/80s and a bit in the 90s. Even published a 'zine in the 80s. It was expensive as hell back then but SO MUCH FUN!

Randomly Tagging People I Don’t Think I’ve Tagged For This Thing Before: @randommindtime (It's what you get for following me!), @yandereplumsim, @elfpuddle, @halousims, @nuttydazesublime, and @kayleigh-83. As always, feel free to ignore for whatever reason. :)

[shellsan]

30 Day Writing Challenge

Day Four: Photograph

Fandom: Ghost Hunt

Pairing: Mai Taniyama/Oliver Davis (One-sided? More just an implication)

Disclaimer: I do not own Ghost Hunt

Warnings: This fanfiction contains potential triggers for people who struggle with anxiety and depression. I understand the pull of reading something that you might be able to relate to or that will give you all the feels but please tread carefully and be aware of your limits. Things do get lighter the further in you go, but the first 500 words minimum are pretty heavy and I urge you to use caution and your better judgement to decide whether or not it will have negative effects on your health.

Photograph

-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-

The first time Mai looks at the photograph was only hours after Naru and Lin had left for good. Sitting in her room at home, there was a certain feeling of emptiness, of nothingness as she imagined the both of them boarding their place to return to where Naru -Oliver, she corrected herself – grew up.

Even now, nearly two weeks after the revelation of his real identity there was a part of Mai that couldn't believe it – that wanted this to be another bad dream that would end when she woke. And then she could take the train to Shibuya and walk down well-known streets and hear the familiar irritation from her young boss insulting her for being late.

In this moment, she would give anything to hear him say “Mai, tea,” just one more time.

But it would never happen again. Because it had all happened, and Naru – Oliver – really was gone.

Picking up the photograph he had given her, Mai's heart squeezed painfully and her throat clenched in a way that she so rarely experienced these days.

Looking back at her from being the glass screen were two identical boys, one smiling and one not. Or at least, it appeared as though that was the case.

But Mai had gotten to know Naru – OLIVER- while she worked for him, and she could recognise the small spark of life in his eyes that implied a certain level of happiness that she'd rarely gotten to see but had cherished all the more. And that small sign of life was worth one hundred of the smiles on Gene's face.

Drops of water fell on the glass, droplets reflecting a small amount of light in different directions as Mai brought her hand up to her cheeks and blinked in shock at the feeling of wet streams running salty tracks.

Just when she thought that she was used to losing people, they up and leave her again.

The thickness in her throat was even stronger as she swallowed once more, turning over the picture to avoid looking at it further and abandoning it on the couch as she pushed herself away and headed for the kitchen to make herself some tea.

One more day.

She could afford to give herself one more day to grieve the loss of her newest family before she had to move on. It would do her no good to mope forever.

So that's exactly what she did.

The second time that Mai tried to bring herself to look at the picture it was almost three months after Naru – OLIVER – had left. Every day was a struggle but the brunette was determined to keep moving forwards, one step at a time.

But today it was so much harder to keep pretending, acting like things were fine when there was a hole where her family once was, and as she sat on the ground, arms around her legs, she couldn't help but let her head fall back with her eyes closed, hitting the small lamp table next to the couch and feeling only numbness where there should be pain.

The sound of glass hitting the tatami matted floor made her re-open her eyes, chocolate orbs spotting the frame quickly.

Swallowing at the familiarity of it, Mai's fingers twitched with the urge to pick it up, but she held back. Nothing good would come from looking upon the face of her old boss and his dead twin.

Closing her eyes tightly, she tried to shake the image from her mind because she knew, without even touching it, exactly how the picture looked.

From the moment she had been given it and the days following she had memorised every line and angle, each part of the photo where lightness gave way to shadows and vice versa. She knew everything and she wasn't ready to pick it up.

So she pushed it gently away from herself, eyes watering again already as she fought back the rush of tears that she was almost used to at this point, turning away from the image that continued to taunt her with what could have been.

'One day,' Mai promised herself, 'I will be able to look at that picture again without crying.'

But that day was not to day.

It was another nine months before Mai even considered touching the photo again.

On the day that marked Naru – just call him Davis-san – leaving a year before, she couldn't help but pick up the image from where it had continued to lay on the ground. Instead of sadness, there was only anger in her movements, body jerking as her hands trembled and turned white from clutching too tightly.

Her body was filled with rage at the memory of how good things had been and how much she'd lost when he'd snatched it all away.

Today also marked the six month mark since the last time any of the only SPR irregulars had contacted her.

It was a jarring thing to note, but it only served to make her angrier and in a fit of rage unlike anything she'd experienced she threw the photograph to the ground, a sick sense of satisfaction washing over her at the sound of crashing glass shattering over her floor.

This time she didn't cry – she had no tears left – and felt only numbness as she moved with exhaustion towards her bedroom with little care for the wreck she was leaving behind.

She didn't care for much any more.

The fourth time Mai looked at the picture, it was only two days after her outburst. So far she'd left the mess alone, unwilling to acknowledge how horrendously she'd behaved, but no longer able to ignore the glass that plagued her floor.

With careful fingers, she leant over and picked up each of the bigger pieces of glass, gently letting it fall into bin. There was a sense of relief and calmness as she cleaned away the last of the glass, picking up the wooden frame that still held the picture of Naru – DAVIS-SAN - and Gene.

Fingers glossed over it carefully and she was surprised to find that not a single scratch was on the image.

Swallowing against her gag reflex, she turned the photo away from her self again, unable to keep looking at if with the feeling of shame that was heavy in her body.

Something had to change, she recognised. Her outburst from days ago was proof of that. It had been a year and no matter how hard she'd tried to forget Naru – DAVIS-SAN – it had been a futile effort. Perhaps that was because no matter where she looked, everything reminded her of the boy she'd come to love.

Because she knew now that words he – there, that was safe right? - had spoken came from a place of ignorance on his part that fuelled her own doubt from discovering the true name of the boy in her dreams.

And perhaps recognising this was step one in understanding that things had changed and she had to let herself move on for anything to actually come from it.

So sitting on the floor in her apartment she made herself a promise. A promise to move forwards and to stop looking back. A promise to keep taking things one at a time and to never stop loving, because her anger was violent and she couldn't continue to hold on to that.

She'd rather hold on to the happy memories of the time that they had all shared together, remembering each thing without the haze of negative emotions she'd gotten so used to feeling.

Pushing up from the ground, she breathed deeply, picture abandoned once more off to the side. She would look at it again, but not yet. She still wasn't ready yet.

The fifth time Mai looked at the picture, it was as she placed it gently into her bag, a new frame protecting it as she zipped up her bag. It had been another year and there had been no word from any of the people she used to work with, but instead of the negative emotions this thought a year ago brought, she only felt melancholy.

Taking a deep breath, she smiled sadly as she looked around the room that once held the few things she'd owned that now held nothing.

Tokyo was filled with so many memories and when she'd graduated she had decided that it was time she move elsewhere and make some more.

It was her last step to truly moving on, and as she locked the door behind herself for the last time, a sense of lightness filled her body at the hope for a good future and a new beginning.

She was free from the restraints of her past now, and it was time that she acknowledged that the past was exactly what it was. There was nothing she could change, she could only look towards a better future.

Unbeknownst to Mai however, it would be harder to completely move on than she thought, because the first night she spends in her new home, far from the big cities, was also the first time since Naru had left, that she dreamt.

And it was the first of many.

[future-rp]

siren’s main dance, lead vocal & center dahye

dingbat group; acting, hosting 20 vocal / 00 rap / 30 dance

i.

it begins like this: rhee minji is born first but raised second, forever unable to step out of her younger sister’s towering shadow.

it’s not fair. she doesn’t understand why minyoung is relegated to the favorite when she’s just as good as she is. it’s not like her sister has any particular talents yet she remains the apple of her parent’s eyes.

she believes that it’ll change, hopes however foolishly that once they both get older they’ll see that she’s worthy of affection. she’s still young, unable to comprehend the cruelty that is being unwanted by those who should cherish her the most. but the fact of the matter is some children are just accidents, unwanted from the very start and some parents never learn how to love them.

yet that belief holds, at least until she turns ten and she realizes that it’ll never come true.

she’ll never be the favorite. she’s barely acknowledged as is.

the bitterness festers in her like a disease.

ii.

minyoung wants to be a star and everything she wants she gets.

all that means is that minji is now forced to go with her to dancing and singing lessons after her mother yells at her, telling her that “she’s too young to go by herself. can’t you just be a good older sister for once?” so she grits her teeth and goes, fueled by the thought that maybe this time she’ll finally get some attention.

two weeks into their lessons, they discover an important fact: minji is fucking talented.

it wouldn’t mean much to her if it weren’t for the fact that minyoung isn’t.

that discovery fills her up with some sort of sick satisfaction. suddenly, she’s the one who looks forward to attending lessons while her sister sticks with it only out of stubborn pride and misplaced hope.

every session her voice grows stronger and her dancing becomes more fluid while her sister is left floundering.

rhee minji finally has something she can hold over her younger sister and she’s glowing. she was always greedy for everything that minyoung had.

now if only it meant anything to her parents.

the bitterness stays. but there’s greed now too.

iii.

they audition for atom entertainment together.

she knows its a bad idea the second it comes out of her sister’s mouth but she’s learned to keep her mouth shut when it comes to her. what minyoung wants, minyoung gets. her parents always make sure of that.

so they go and minji realizes just how right she is when minyoung exits the audition room crying her eyes out, talking about how her voice cracked and she kept forgetting the lyrics to the song. if she was a better sister she would’ve been sympathetic, would’ve tried to console her.

but she’s not.

instead she feels happiness.

when minji steps into the room, she lets that happiness fuel her. it doesn’t matter that she doesn’t want this. becoming an idol was always minyoung’s dream but minji is cruel. she wants what her sister has. and if she can’t make it through the audition process then minji must, if only to steal the golden child’s dream right out from under her.

she opens her mouth and it’s the best she’s ever sounded. she dances and it’s like she’s walking on air.

minji gets in. minyoung doesn’t.

iv.

it takes a while for her to realize but training is a blessing in disguise.

being away from her family and the shadow of her sister allows her to blossom as rhee minji. within these walls, there’s no one who knows about rhee minyoung, no one who can ever compare the two of them.

so she makes a name for herself among the trainees. she doesn’t hesitate to show off her dancing skills while also taking care to make friends with her peers. she paints herself as a bright and kind girl that she’s always believed she could be if it weren’t for how she was raised and people believe it.

it’s enough to make her endure the long hours, sleepless nights, and relentless yelling. it’s a rude awakening to learn that she might not be as talented as she once thought when her only source of comparison was minyoung. she forces herself to endure the cutting criticisms from trainers because it’s still attention given to her at the end of the day. she practices night and day to improve her singing so she’ll finally be given the compliments she’s so desperate to get. she learns what everyone wants from her and molds herself into that image.

she emerges out the other side a polished diamond.

v.

atom entertainment dissolves but before she can even wonder what to do next, she’s offered a spot within the new company and minji takes it without a second thought. after all, she would rather die than return home with nothing to show for her efforts and be relegated back to second place.

after another year of relentless training and preparation, she debuts as siren’s dahye.

dahye is minji without all the baggage, what she could have been if life turned out a little differently. she’s soft and sweet, all honey and peaches. a rose with all its thorns cut. a tender thing that’s soft to the touch. dahye is desirable in a seemingly attainable way even though it’s so clear that she’s out of everyone’s league.

which is to say dahye isn’t real. but maybe minji isn’t either.

vi.

they’re a success and minji learns what it is to be loved.

it’s a strange feeling. it’s strange being wanted for once but minji discovers she likes it, craves it actually.

she adores the screaming fans, the endless amount of love she receives from strangers, the money that she eventually receives from the company. it makes up for the never-ending schedules and the bone deep exhaustion that has quickly settled into her body. it makes up for the fact that idol life is hard, a fact that minji learns that so quickly.

but she wants the love and she needs the attention so she learns to deal with everything that comes with it.

idol life is truly just an exercise in what rhee minji will excuse and suffer through in order to fill that void within her.

vii.

it’s all going well until it’s not.

members start leaving, citing the lack of payment and the rigorous schedules. minji tries to sympathize, tries to understand their reasonings but she just can’t. she just can’t seem to grasp why they don’t have it in them to endure everything and continue on just for the promise of continued success. minji doesn’t want to call them weak because she knows that it’s unfair but she does anyways.

after that it’s quiet for a while.

minji learns not to speak about it, learns how to pivot the conversation away to something else if it gets brought up on variety shows. dingbat allows her to get into acting, more willing to acquiesce to her requests considering the current state of their group. she picks up a few cameo roles here and there before slowly working her way up to minor and supporting roles. minji isn’t willing to give any of the antis the satisfaction of saying she bought her way into those roles.

then it’s not so quiet anymore.

a new addition. an unwanted addition. minji doesn’t see the necessity of a new member, not when they’ve already gone through three years without them. so what if two members left? that just meant more lines and screen time for the rest of them but now she needs to compete against someone new? if they were good enough to be in the group, they would’ve been included in the lineup originally.

minji tries not to be bitter but she fails.

she tries not to let the backlash against the newcomer fill her with joy but she fails.

viii.

things slowly revert back to normality.

siren maintains consistent comebacks despite all the controversy surrounding the member situation so minji learns to swallow down her bitterness and soldier on. no one wants rhee minji anyways, they all want siren’s dahye and she’s happy to give the people what they want.

well, for now, anyways.

the whispers of her being undedicated to group start springing up when she starts picking up hosting jobs on top of her acting roles in order to further cement her place within the industry. those accusations aren’t wrong though. it’s just that minji thought she was a good enough actress that no one else could see through it. it’s not her fault that her other jobs give her more joy than idol life.

after all, this was never her dream.

ix.

another one bites of dust.

minji doesn’t even try to ask why or convince them to stay. if they want to leave because they want a normal life then they can. not everyone dreams of living life in the spotlight forever. she can’t understand why but she learns to be more sympathetic this time around.

she’s tired these days too, but in a different way. she’s tired of all the constant activities to keep siren’s name relevant to the public. she’s tired of the oversaturation of the idol market leading to the necessity of constant promotions. she’s tired of the dream she had stolen from her sister.

she just wants to act. she just wants to host. she just wants all the fame and attention that doesn’t involve constant upkeep to maintain.

x.

minji’s not stupid. she knows that the end is near. it has to be.

maybe she wants it to be.

siren is falling apart. with three members gone in three years, a year long hiatus, and a group of fresh-faced juniors waiting in the wings, there’s no way they won’t be put on the back burner before being replaced altogether.

sure, maybe she should’ve left as soon as she saw all the warning signs but back then, siren was still a vehicle for her desires. now though? minji’s not so sure.

siren’s dahye might be in a precarious place but rhee minji is going to do just fine. she’s made sure of it, spent years building a successful acting career to transition into if her group ever fell apart. she has a whole future to look forward to in which her star will remain shining bright even after siren’s has dimmed.

(in the back of her there’s doubt, tiny little reminders of how ephemeral everything in the industry is but rhee minji didn’t put a million contingency plans in place just to fail.)

spite has carried her far, but greed will carry her further.

[skiddyabroad]

Post Two: New York City (Part One)

Because we spent 10 days in New York City, I decided to split it up into parts so that the post doesn’t go on forever. This post is all about our experience in the famous SNL line, and getting to see the show live.

Day Four: Friday 15 December 2017

We got on our bus to New York at around 3.30 am and arrived in the city at 8 am. The bus ride itself was okay, we all tried our best to get some sleep and to sober up. I woke up as we were approaching the city - the sun was rising and it was unbelievably beautiful. I’ve been wanting to visit NYC for a long time now, so for my first sighting of it to be with the sky full of pinks and oranges was pretty amazing!  

We got off the bus and walked around for a bit. We hadn’t thought our plan through very well though - we were going to leave all of our suitcases at a luggage hold business, but after we walked all the way there, we realised that it looked super dodgy. I had everything I would need for the next two years with me, and I didn’t want to risk it. So we walked all the way back to the train station near where we got off the bus, and checked it in there. Once we were bag-free, we got an Uber to Rockefeller Centre! To a lot of people, this is just another building, but for us it was a VERY big deal. It’s where they film Saturday Night Live, The Tonight Show with Jimmy Fallon and Late Night with Seth Meyers (to name a few). It’s also where the TV show 30 Rock is set. Basically, a super important place for us NBC nerds. Here are our first few photos in New York:

After we walked around the whole building (and saw the giant Rockefeller Christmas tree and ice skating rink) we found our way to the ‘SNL Line’. SNL stands for Saturday Night Live, a live sketch comedy show that airs every Saturday night. There is a main cast full of comedians who perform every week, and then a guest host (who is normally promoting a show or movie). A lot of super famous people have gotten their start on the show - people like Steve Martin, Eddie Murphy, Will Ferrell, Tina Fey and MOST IMPORTANTLY, Amy Poehler. You can’t buy tickets to see the show live, but there are three ways to get your hands on them. First, be super famous and get given them (none of us are famous so that one was out). Second, enter your name into a draw and win them. Unfortunately, this option wouldn’t work for us, because if you do win them, you cannot dictate the date. So we were left with the last option, which is wait in a line, outside, for almost an entire day, to get stand-by tickets. The earlier you line up, the more likely you are of getting in on your stand-by tickets. 

So, we arrived at ‘the line’ at midday on the Friday (the show wasn’t on until late Saturday night, bare in mind). We were shocked to see there were only about 7 or 8 people already lining up (normally it would already be super busy, but the bad weather had scared most people off). We got our spot and started chatting to some of the people around us. We met an older lady who had been lining up for SNL tickets for about 20 years, a true seasoned pro. She told us about all of the different guest hosts she’d seen live, one being Lucy Lawless in the 90s! She offered to help us, since we came very unprepared for the night (and snow) that we had to endure over the next 19 hours. She took Lauren and Anya to a dollar store nearby and they came back with folding chairs, blankets and a shower curtain. We set up our little shower-curtain-igloo and settled in for the long-haul.

We learnt a lot about ‘the line’ and all of the unspoken rules that went along with it. One being, that you could leave the line and have your spot still be there when you get back, if you got back within 30 minutes or so. We took advantage of this and took turns going to Starbucks and the 24 hour Deli that was nearby for warmth and shelter. Despite all of our blankets and many layers of clothes, it was still FREEZING. We made friends with some guys who were there as part of their job. Their official title was ‘line sitters’, they basically get paid to wait in lines for hours and hours, and the person paying them takes over just before the tickets are handed out. They had big sleeping bags, but even they said it was the coldest it had ever been. The snow didn’t help that, either! However, SNL did provide us with some hot soup around dinner time, so that was super lovely!

Around midnight - we’d been outside waiting for 12 hours - we all hit rock bottom. We’d been sitting outside for 4 hours straight trying to get some sleep. None of us actually did, instead we just got so bloody cold that we all felt like giving up. We went inside the Deli to warm ourselves up and gave ourselves a pep talk. 

Day Five: Saturday 16 December 2017

We decided that we needed to keep moving/walking in order to stay warm, so we went on a trip to see Times Square.

We all cheered when we saw the Impeach Trump sign (if only they actually would) and I excitedly ran around finding all of the Waitress promo posters (Waitress is my favourite Broadway musical, but more on that later). It was a super cool/weird first experience of Times Square - because it was the middle of the night, there was barely anyone around. I’m so used to seeing pictures/movies with it absolutely bustling with people. It was pretty awesome to be able to explore it without people everywhere.

Once we got back to the line, it was the home stretch. An NBC Page (intern) came down at 7 am and started handing out stand-by tickets. It was so exciting, especially because we were so far up the line that it was almost certain we’d be getting in and seeing the show later that night. We couldn’t stop grinning once we had them in our hands:

Afterwards, we had a quick stop in Starbucks to somewhat recharge before getting our bags from the train station. As soon as our accommodation was ready, we headed there and then immediately collapsed into bed. At this point, we had barely slept for two days, so we were very thankful to be horizontal and sleeping.

When we woke up, we excitedly got dressed and did our make up to see the show! We still didn’t know if we were going to get in for sure, but we were feeling optimistic! This is us just before we left:

I’ll try and explain this next bit really quickly (as this post has already gone on forever). We got to the Rockefeller Centre and were put back into the order we were in earlier. Then, we were taken through security and asked to line up on the other side to wait and see if we would get into the show. So right up until the absolute late minute, we still had no idea if we were getting in or not. All of a sudden we were being ushered in and put in an elevator, and then led down a corridor and into the studio where they film SNL. We were up the back and to the side but we didn’t care! All that mattered was we were in. We were all so excited looking around the studio and seeing everything in person, rather than on our TV screens. Even ‘dream come true’ is an understatement, we were honestly so excited and happy. It made the 19 hours in the snow totally worth it. The show started and we got to see all of the actresses and actors that we love in person. It’s such an surreal feeling to explain - I’ve been watching these people in this show and also in other shows/movies for years and suddenly I’m watching them do their stuff right in front of my eyes. 

Scarlett Johansson (for anyone reading this that’s not up with pop culture, she’s super famous) did a cameo which was really cool, and at one point I turned around and Tyra Banks (American model, host of America’s Next Top Model) was just standing behind us watching the show. It was crazy! 

The show was super funny! The host was Kevin Hart and the Foo Fighters were the musical guest. They were cool but I mostly just cared about the cast members. The cast members are known for greeting fans at the stage door, so when the show ended we headed there and got to see/meet a bunch of them! I’m going to talk about a bunch of people we saw, you’ll most likely have no idea who they are but for me, they’re a Very Big Deal so be excited on my behalf!

We saw Aidy Bryant and Melissa Villasenor, and we got to meet/take photos with Leslie Jones (top left), Mikey Day (top right), Alex Muffat (bottom left) and Cecily Strong (bottom right). They were all so lovely, and Cecily actually stopped and talked to us. She was quite drunk but it was so funny! We had the best time and I still can’t quite believe it. 

I still smile just thinking about this day! Everything worked out exactly as we had hoped it would - we got standby tickets, got in to see the show, and then got to meet some of the cast. The only way it could have possibly been better would have been if we’d got to meet Kate McKinnon, one of the cast members, but she didn’t come out of the stage door unfortunately. 

It probably all sounds a little crazy - sitting in the freezing cold and snow for 19 hours just to get a ticket to a show, but this was honestly a once in a lifetime kind of thing for us and I’m so glad we did it! Overall, it was one of the best nights of my life and I will cherish the memories forever. 

After the show, we went back to our apartment and got some more much-needed sleep, ready for another day full of excitin’ stuff!