#she was actually scary and i need to post them someday!!

[frostise]

💡 What inspires you to write the muse? 

📝 Favorite headcanon for your muse? 

𝐌𝐔𝐍 𝐓𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐒 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐔𝐓 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐌𝐔𝐒𝐄   ┇   accepting ♡

💡 What inspires you to write the muse? 

my inspiration goes through the roof if i see another character similar to kf's appearance, skillset or personality. characters i mainly took a lot of inspo from was alita from battle angel, widowmaker from overwatch, mirko from my hero academia and revy from black lagoon. i also look up killer frost's scenes in batman: assault on arkham just to study her behaviour with the other characters. maybe her comics too because she was extremely sassy and unhinged which i loved.

sometimes i get my ideas from pinterest or spotify and other times i see a headcanon that causes a chain reaction like 'what if the abusive arkham staff was treating their patients inhumanly and what would my muse do in that situation.' posts i used to see a few weeks ago. it did help a lot to write out my headcanons first before jumping straight into writing asks and threads, especially when i was still developing her character ^^

📝 Favorite headcanon for your muse? 

it's definitely this one!! i saw the movie a long time ago and thought ‘alita's battle scenes are so addicting to watch. reminds me of louise without powers.’ that was the real kickstarter to louise's redesign and fighting techniques tbh. i just love how ruthless alita can get. it resonates heavily with kf.

[monstrouslyobsessed]

at this rate ima beat this jack frost all black and blue with how much trouble it is to write something im happy with. sighs. anyway, i got some asks to answer! some of them got a tad too long so its all under the cut!

tw / tags: heavy heavy beastfolk lore/worldbuilding talk, momster talks too fucking much, breeding mentions, implied noncon, multiple pregnancy mentions, long post, beastfolk / beastfolks characters mentioned: revius, zedrik, cerelos (brief), sea witch, adoxi, and velarius

Beast folk idea I have! How about a male kangaroo that is of course some type of famous professional athlete (aside from boxing, he could be a martial artist, sprinter, etc.) that has been a play boy all his life (based off of how male kangaroos flex their muscles in real life to females). He never I guess had any “moment” in his life with any females, where he felt right actually wanting to be with them and love them whole heartedly (whether beastfolk of his own species or those not). So then one day someone he knows (close friend or maybe a work professional) takes him to an exclusive private party where the beastfolk have “rented” some humans to do it with. (I don’t know lore wise how legal this is, if at all, but it happened some how). I guess it’s so private because some of the guests there are secret human efers, those in denial, or just haven’t found the “right human” yet and would like some hands on sampling before purchasing them. And so, that’s how the kangaroo meets us his adorable darling. And I’d really like this to be very sweet and fluffy (before becoming mouth watering smutty of course), with kangaroo just having a “zing!” moment with us. We were the female he needed to feel complete in regards to love, and he plans to take GREAT care of us. (It’d also be funny to show how overprotective he is of reader from the start, by him unhesitatingly outbidding some of the other party guests who’ve also taken interest in reader). Of course it isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, as reader has trust/abandonment/attachment issues. So finding out that her new kangaroo owner is (was) a MASSIVE play boy isn’t helping her fears. Now it’s up to kangaroo to do damage control, learn how to be a much better beast man, and show his sole love/devotion to reader. Making sure she’ll never question his love/loyalty to her ever again! He wants to make her the envy of his past flings, other beastmen, and just everybody really, since she’s the center of his universe. (Kangaroo also wants to really make her his permanently by getting her knocked up/wifey too). I don’t know if you’d like this idea/concept, but I thought it’d be very cute. I just love the trope of a Casanova finding their soul mate, and having to fix all the damage they’ve caused themselves by their own consequences. Cause it really is a self conflict, and great for character growth arcs. (I also just wanna be spoiled/doted on endlessly by a man who’s capable to throw hands literally and figuratively 24/7 to protect me). Thanks 🪭 —anonymous

hmmm, a bit -too- overdetailed for me to write this one since i like some breathing room to apply my own spins. tbf, it sounds like you already got it started! all you needed to do is to write it~if you write this one, link me! i wouldn't mind reading it and supporting fellow writers <3

while it is -my- au, i especially love seeing what it inspired in others and see their interpretations of it! while the worldbuilding remains mine (STILL chewing on starting a book/series on it someday, but the thought of publishing anything is scary af), it's literally just (semi-realistic) furries mingling with humans with extra history/political dramas included.

so, as long as you keep your worldbuilding somewhat different and source the inspiration to me, have at it. write your own beastfolk world!

anyway, on the finer details (for my AU anyway), as long as those humans are 'beastfolk-owned' and not green card/independent humans, they're essentially viewed as property to do whatever with albeit with responsibilities to ensure their well-being. as long as they're fed and have open access to water, have sufficient shelters, are clean, and their health is regularly checked, their owners can do whatever they want, really. the court won't interfere as long as the humans are safe and healthy—and mind you, the beastfolks are very slow on the uptake about the mental health, less so with their humans'.

that said, this can also depend greatly on what region they're in. some areas have far more human rights than others, being more liberal, while others may be more conservative and views humans as, well, livestock, essentially. humans in these places sometimes have the same rights as actual animals (if they're lucky). that said, the more rural it is, the fewer rights the human pets have.

of course, money DOES talk too.

so, you can just easily say that your characters are either in one of those conservative regions—or have shady connections and/or have an insane amount of money where the laws would just look the other way. just don't make it public and you're good to go, pretty much.

auctions would probably be a common sight in certain black markets, depending on where you are and when you are on the timeline. the zoo breakout to the early post zoo eras sees many of those events. on the most parts in the later era, those auctions are then transformed into whole new events entirely (aka, sports), which is the logical next step since they used to be the aftermath for when the bidding was ending in an outright war between several bidders and was used to solve the issue. instead of bidding, you'd complete for the human you wanted (i'm not clear at how the human would end up there yet since i don't feel any reputable shelter would align with those events for the 'adoption war' or that the adoption is the only way. still debating on this--in any case, the darling ends up there when there are more than two beastfolks fighting over them) and prove your worth while treating the unfortunate human like a rat bait (see: the maze headcanon i wrote a while ago—and am planning to write a whole piece of it to properly thank a very kind supporter when i'm able. some details had been changed since then, but it mostly still hold up).

in a lot of ways, the auctions were rather kinder to the humans as they wouldn't be put in outright danger right then. :/ the (new) spectator sports, such as the maze race, exploits multiple legal loopholes, since they involve no money (not outright anyway) as the auctions were (publicly) banned for "unregulated monetary transactions and the unpredictability of bid outcomes".

if anything, a good amount of these sports are...purely for "adult entertainment", if you get what i'm implying. ahem. the laws are actually pretty behind regarding the 'adult content/sports', especially with the open access of internet around then on that timeline. the large part of that had to do with encouraging the beastfolks to procreate with the humans though, so any form of sex between both races are simply not regulated outside the acceptable age range and limitations on physical violence/abuse and this includes the "entertainment" aspect.

it's fucked, but that's how they gets away with such things.. i'm rambling, but this can be a good alternative for you to think about too, to add on that extra drama flare and to further traumatize the human.

this is a super cute idea though and i sincerely hope you'll expand it yourself if you can! this is a very nice starting point too, if you're not used to writing. as for me, i'm not sure i can write all of this for you unfortunately, since i tend to go TOO long on just one scene and i have multiple ideas i wanna work on as well, aha. but you did give me room to talk the worldbuilding to help expand similar events like your idea so thank you for that. i can most definitely tell you that your poor fella is definitely not an isolated example.

Apparently penguins kidnap other penguins’ children to try and raise as their own. Was watching nature utube vids on this and it’s so sad! The desire to be a parent is so intense for some couples that they’ll take away another couple’s baby! How’d this play into your beast verse? What measures would government and organizations take to help combat this extreme phenomenon? And think about being a human parent and having your Penguin spouse come back with a random baby 💀💀💀 Even worse is if you’re in a Penguin community and have to fight off other penguins casually when you have your baby. On the streets, home break ins, etc. —anonymous

ngl featheredfolk (penguins are flightless but they're still birds and have feathers still so they count as one) is a bunch of odd birds with cultures other beastfolks often struggle to understand, especially with the dramas that often follow. children theft in general with the featheredfolks is complicated and tends to only involves the similar peers to sort it out, because outsiders (humans included, if not one of 'theirs' via being the spouse or the child/ren) would just get frustrated with their fucked logic to the point of being angry about it.

so, no, penguins wouldn't be the only birds that deal with this mannerism, but is the most common one to do so.

that said, they tend to have big enough noggins not to involve anyone who isn't a featheredfolk (and to an extent, wingedfolk), because they're still mostly prey in nature. skittishness towards the predator kind is basically ingrained in their dna.

but that's not to say such incidents never happened though! usually, it only happens when the community is actually quite small, that they have to 'outsource' to another beastfolk. it's a very dangerous thing to do though, since beastfolks are naturally very overprotective of their youngs. in cases where they do succeed with the kidnapping and escapes unscathed, it normally doesn't take long before the one they took the child from to track them down due to using their superior senses.

it's 50/50 on how it may end though and the laws would still side with the victims regardless of the outcome. hopefully, someone else would call the laws first to deal with such matters though and to calm the angry parent/guardian.

that said, i do imagine that the government would get around this annoying instinct by advertising adoptions as another option from the featheredfolk's early age in their school. they'd push it so much that the featheredfolk tends to feel like they were being singled out for it too.

...honestly, i'm not even sure how to answer this one fully. i should treat this as a serious question with a serious answer, but i can't.

the featheredfolks are legit viewed as the clowns of the beastfolk world already because of how...simpleminded most of them can be (not a bad thing!) 😭and now this. the birdbrains....still, i hope this somewhat answers your question(s)...?

Maybe I’m just blind and stupid, but did you touch up on beastfolk courtship rituals for some species? Ex- Birds may decorate, dance, or sing to court another. Hooved/fanged folk may literally fight each other to get rights to begin courtship with x. I’m just so curious to see what animal behaviors transfer to your universe! :) —anonymous

uhhhh, i don't think i really expand on those yet, no! the 'traditional' courtship rituals are more commonplace in the past than the 'modern' era, tbf, if between beastfolk and humans.

if it's just between two (or more) beastfolks, then yeah, 'traditional' courtship rituals are common.

in the present, it's a common understanding that the humans may not always understand their actions, so the beastfolk tends to adapt the best they could for 'the best of both worlds' kind of ritual—sometimes to the extreme mean though (lol).

for example, with the featheredfolks, for being a species with brittle bones, they're rather sturdy so they're often happy just living in a large treehouse and staying steady no matter the weather and season. it's more like an old cabin, with a lot of drafts. but, the thing is, neither (or more, i don't judge those in the poly relationships lol) would care, because the one doing the courting built it just for their love interest—and later built it better together for their upcoming new family members.

but for a featheredfolk genuinely interested in a human, would have to outright learn how to build a modern house—and that is far more complicated than just putting together a log cabin in the tree. they're very adaptive folks though and if they're sincere about the human, they'd go that far to at least attempt to build the foundation single-handedly. thankfully, the bird community is often tight-knit, so others would step in once the basic foundation is done and rally in.

(unlike our irl, everyone in that AU can at least afford some ways to build their own home and not be buried in the debts for the rest of their life. this is mainly because some specific beastfolks having an instinctive needs to build, that the common government would offer to offset some of the costs to abate those instincts from turning destructive.)

in their cases, even if the courting failed, the featheredfolk learned and can actually apply it to their lifeskill/career path/etc. for birdbrains, you'll see a lot of them in the engineering and architecture fields. (funny how that works!)

as you pointed out, yes, hoovedfolk and fangedfolk are more violent with their courting, but that's generally only in the cases where the love interest have more than one (alike) suitor vying for their affection. i'm not really sure how common that is in the more liberal areas tbf, but i do imagine it's a daily thing in the conservative/rural regions since those usually have a lot of, hm, predominant 'single-species' community? sorry, i'm not really sure how to word it.

since strength is what they consider their worth and humans rarely understand the point of physical violence, they'd probably show off what they're capable of instead—from lifting a car to carrying all the groceries at once for the human they're interested in. endurance too, so if the human is into, say, a sport or likes to run, they'd compete to show off just how good they are with either (though, i do like to think they'd carry their human on their back while running five more miles when the human gets tired--just to say, 'look at me! i'm not even tired yet and i'm carrying you!'). unlike the featheredfolks, fangedfolk and hoovedfolks are much milder about their courting.

whiskeredfolks are much more sly, but they like to show off how much they can provide (which is also something fangedfolk likes to do, but the former is often more subtle). usually involving money (and management) and ordering things their human hadn't realized they needed yet. things like that. they really likes to bring home food too, lol. since they can't exactly show off their hunting skills and bring home a bloodied deer carcass, providing is the next best thing with their human love interest.

there's more, but i'll stop here, but their courting rituals for their humans are basically 'modernized', with some species (obviously and hilariously so) trying harder than others.

tbf, parts of the birds' rituals were inspired by that tumblr meme on 'if men were like birds'. can't find that now though.

hope this answered you some?

Question:Revius and Zedrik- What’s family life with them now if you were to have 2 children (1 from each)? Just wondering how dynamics would change, what the children’s personalities would be like, etc. Sea Witch (octo man)- Can we have babies with him? And if we did would it be a multiple pregnancy since female octopuses (I know we are a modified human) technically lay hundreds of eggs. And how would family life be from there out? —anonymous

hm, i can't comment on the childrens personalities (and any other details, really) since that's kinda something i leave to the readers to decide.

honestly, both revius and zedrik would fall deeper in 'love' with their darling for enduring both of those difficult pregnancies, that they're rather clingy to them more so than to each other. though, granted, both knew how capable each other would be so it's more on how 'frail' their darling really is in comparison. zedrik is more openly emotional than revius is though, but revius is certainly more of the nagging type like a strict, doting mom might be. personally, i feel they'd butt heads more often after their children are born, (but never to the point of separating [imo anyway, they'd been together for some times before they decided to...'pursue' the darling]), because of how different their parenting styles were.

let's just say that cerelos' darling has an easier time wrangling with the emperor than their darling did with those two.

otherwise, they're both pretty devoted as fathers. i do imagine their kids would've been confused by their upbringings a bit though due to, again, differing parenting styles. the darling does their best though! but it's kinda hard to raise children double, triple your size lol

as for the sea witch, that's implied! i wanted to let the reader to decide on their own if they're going to have kids with him or not, rather than outright branding 'breeding kink' on the piece. but, yes, there'd be oviposition going on, had you wanted to imagine that storyline.

not sure if i understood you about the multiple pregnancies though, so i'll refrain from answering that one. instead, yes, the darling would probably carry multiple eggs and, well, egg laying. i do imagine the sea witch would've found a way to make that not at all a painful process (probably quite the opposite, tbf).

as for the family life, i'm...not at all sure. i'll leave that for you and other readers to decide. i honestly see the sea witch just enjoying the pregnancy, because to him, his darling is now ruined and marked with his seed (or, eggs). afterward? not sure if he'd enjoy the fatherhood too much, especially with multiple 8-legged kids running about.

he might be an excellent father

or he might genuinely be a shitty one.

his personality is kind of confusing in that regard, so i'll just let yall to make that call and we'll go from there.

I've really gotten into your beastfolk universe but I want to ask: Does adoxi exist within that universe or is he in a separate universe? —anonymous

nope! he's too human-looking to be a beastfolk--and is too healthy, pretty, and (mostly) sane to be a hybrid. thats why hes not in the beastfolk masterlist.

initially, he's from his own universe, where humans are living in ignorance of the existence of inhuman beings like adoxi, but i've been chewing on the possibly of him being a descendant of my other character, the cursed god. it'd explain why he's looking fairly human yet not (the 6 arms isn't genetically inheritable fyi, since the priest ripped them off from unfortunate souls to replace the ones he lost).

but that's only me chewing on it and isn't 'official' yet, since there are couple details that wouldn't make sense (but is workable). still thinking about it.

hope this answered!

God I love how you write snakemen like Adoxi and Valerius. They act like bastards but good lord I would get on my knees for them so fast! —anonymous

hee~snakes are so fun to write, ngl. imagining being wrapped around in his coil is a guilty pleasure. glad you're enjoying my depictions! <3

there's a few more, but they're requests i'm hoarding in my inbox for now lol but man who let me talk??? anyway, sorry that i took a minute to answer your asks hhhh life just keeps on happeningggg. sighs. anyway, hope yall are doing well and as always, my inbox is open for (mostly) anything. <3 love ya~and take care of yourself!

[challengerholly]

Also obligatory “I have other OCs” post! I like to design things but it seems like fursona designs don’t stick like holly does unless they’re fandom related.

My only long term human OC is Holly, the pokemon trainer! Yes, the name is the same as my fursona. I gave up on pretending they were different characters a while ago. Cat holly is me as cat, human holly is me as Pokémon trainer. I will make hollys as many times as I need to ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Pokémon trainer Holly’s favorite type is ghost, despite not having many ghost types on her team. Her team is: purugly (original starter, who I like to picture as the non-puffed up version of a purugly that keeps her tail up like she did as a glameow! Lore-wise purugly are so big because they literally squeeze themselves for intimidation, and my purugly doesn’t feel the need to be scary 24/7), noibat (I like to think he’ll evolve someday, but I’ve never really thought about it!my hang up is love shiny noibat but really prefer normal noivern), pumpkaboo (I see no reason to evolve pumpkin bat kitty, though I did evolve one in my role play days), and a one-eyed luxray named Ripley! I haven’t found the perfect nicknames for the other team members yet, which sucks because I’ve thought of them as my Pokémon for a really long time!

Other Pokémon I’d maybe put on her team include crobat, vaporeon, sylveon, rowlet, weavile, drifblum, pikachu or raichu… many more pop in my head! They’re all Pokémon I remember fondly from Nuzlockes! Rowlet is the closest to actually joining my headcannon team. I’ve also drawn her with a lot of Pokémon over the years, due to role playing, nuzlockes, etc.

My only long term furry OC besides my fursona is literally just the furry version of the dog amalgam from undertale. Their name is Void and it’s not meant to be a furry version of that character, more like a fursona inspired by it. Like I don’t picture this oc physically in the undertale universe or in any au. But he’s very special to me!

On the opposite end of fan characters, I also have a Hollow Knight OC that I very much do picture in the HK universe as a minor boss type character. Aspid is (obviously) an aspid type enemy, probably fights like a more advanced version of the other aspid enemies combined. Would not be a hard boss once wings are unlocked, but probably is fairly easy without them if you are good at using claws/pogo-ing in combat.

Long post! Thank you for joining me in OC show and tell

[sweetsimapples]

I was tagged by the lovely @damseljamsel This is my first time being tagged in one of these and I’m so excited! Thank you!  Jamsel posts awesome diary entries for her sim, Cher. If you haven’t seen them I definitely recommend checking them out!

I don’t know if this is what I’m supposed to do but I’m going to answer this for both my favourite sims since they are co-founders of my legacy. 

"Allow us to introduce ourselves, 'cause we’re new here!  We are Leo & Elsye Smith!”

Are you named after anyone?   Leo & Elsye are a variation of my grandparent's names which are Lionel & Edith. They lived on a farm too!

2.  When was the last time you cried?  Leo: When our rooster, Visery’s was taken by a fox!  Elsye: When my friend Sara gave me a beautiful homemade gift. I’m so lucky to have made such a thoughtful and kind friend in the short time we’ve been here. 

3.   Do you have any kids?  Leo: Not yet *winks*  Elsye: We would both love to be parents someday. 

4.  Do you use sarcasm?  Elsye: Never.  Leo: If I think it will get a laugh then sure. 

5.  What's the first thing you notice about people?  Elsye: Oh that’s a tricky one...their hair or maybe their clothes.  Leo: I usually notice if they need a hand.  Elsye: Like he means if they need help, not if they’re an amputee or anything.  Leo: Yeah, though I’d give an amputee an extra hand if I could.  Elsye: *laughs* I know you would, honey. 

6.  What's your eye color? Leo: Blue  Elsye: hazel

7.  Scary movies or happy endings?  Leo: Aw everyone loves a happy ending, right?  Elsye: Happy as long as it doesn’t make me cry! 

8.  Any special talents? Leo: probably gardening.  Elsye:  Actually, Leo’s talent is the gift of the gab.   Leo: Ok, true. Elsye’s talent is catching the stove on fire though so ... no talking your way outta that one.  Elsye: I’m getting better at cooking, I promise!  Leo: Nah she is improving a lot and her cross stitching is looking pretty nice too. 

9.  Where were you born?  Both: Windenburg  

10.  What are your hobbies?  Elsye: gardening, I love flowers!  Leo: I love gardening too and anything to do with animals. 

11.  Have any pets?  Leo: Oh yeah! We’ve got a super cool dog named Max and cows, chickens and a wild rabbit that likes to hop by.  Elsye: Max is the sweetest dog, he absolutely adores Leo. 

12.  What sports have you played?  Leo: I played some football in High School, I do believe that’s what made Elsye fall for me.  Elsye: No, it was because of your jokes! I’ve never had any interest in sports. 

13.  How tall are you?  Leo: I’m 7 foot and Else is a nice 5 something.  Elsye: Actually we’re the same height, 5′10. 

14.  Favorite school subject?  Leo: Agriculture. I’ve always wanted to be a farmer.  Elsye: I loved science! 

15.  Dream job?  Leo: Farming! I love that we have made the move to Henford-on-Bagley. Elsye: I love the farming life too! Cooking with homegrown ingredients is the best feeling. I would also love to own a little shop someday selling candy or treats to locals. That would be nice. 

This made me smile! I get really emotionally invested in my sims and their lives!

  I would like to tag @pixelbasil  @chickenome  @psychotic-sims  @desimetto and  @keiyad  

As always, no pressure to do this!

[arcplaysgames]

Okay I am fucking around in the Kamoshida Palace rn so lets recap.

Went back to meet with the doctor lady because she felt like an SLink I mean Confidant (which is frankly a WAY BETTER TERM for SLinks, they should backport that shit).

Punk Doctor will hook Reverie up with the good shit but only if he acts like a test subject for her. This is extremely inethical! I love it! Lets do it.

lmao okay having a doctor as the Death arcana is pretty funny even if that isn't what Death means. But given the nature of Death as an irrevocable transformation, a back-alley doctor is great for that. Hopefully the transformation isn't going to be organ failure or her selling my kidneys.

Reverie The Fifth has so much personality tbh and I love it. Even if I'm kinda cold on my team so far, he's vibrant enough to actually carry this story so far. I'm gonna need some ffffcuking weirdos soon tho.

these gym uniforms are bad, can we all agree on that

So far Ryuji is not thrilling me but I do like a book-dumb-emotionally-smart boy who loves his mother.

Also, finally getting the background on what the fuck Kamoshida did to Ryuji. It feels stupid at this point to say "jfc the lack of professionalism" but wow, telling your other students about one athlete's abusive father, you'd think that was a breach of SOMETHING. Goddamn.

anyway Ryuji literally says something like "well that's in the past now, we need to look to the future" so he's Chariot as fuck so far.

Morgana I don't like heights okay they are scary, what if i fall???? and crack my head on the shelf and bleed out and Sojiro already left for the night so I would die?????? did you think of that?

Sojiro would probably get mad at me lbr

I DUNNO HOW Y'ALL CAN HATE MORGANA. THEY ARE A TALKING CAT WHO SLEEPS IN MY DESK OR SITS NEXT TO ME WHILE I READ. Like, the degree to which Reverie is living the fucking Sailor Moon dream here is amazing. He is a fucking Magical Girl.

do i get petting rights someday. will morgana permit pets. i wanna pet them. is that like a rank 8 confidant thing.

god i fucking hate the VR. there's no one to flirt with in there.

I DO LIKE THAT OUR PERSONA ACTUALLY FUCKING HAS A RELATIONSHIP WITH US? Like, Arsene stops to talk to Reverie before fusion, which is a nice touch.

Sorry did I say fusion

what in the everloving fuck

YANNO Persona 3 had to endure years of jokes about how edgy it was for having the summoning being a fake gun to the head. EVERYONE OWES PERSONA 3 AN APOLOGY. FUSION IS NOW EXECUTION AND THE COMPENDIUM IS THE INMATE REGISTRY.

B R U H.

man i don't wanna advocate violence on children but also i want to punt caroline through a goal post, what do.

anyway I'm working on the palace, bbiab.

[sailorsplatoon]

Chapter 6 of a Dedf1sh fanfic I wrote

Here it is, the very last chapter! While this was really short, I'm still very proud of it. Maybe I'll add onto this in the future, but for now I'm happy with where it is. I put a lot of time into writing and editing this, and it's been my very first fanfiction to actually escape the abyss of "I'll post this someday". I had a lot of fun with this, and it makes me so happy to know that even just a few people enjoyed it!

First

Previous

Read it on ao3

Chapter 6 below!

(TW: mention of blood, swearing, vomiting, mention of medical procedures)

DJ Dedf1sh’s hearts thumped slowly. Why were their hearts beating? They pulled their hands away from the turntables. Everything was so loud. What was going on? It was scary and new. But they were scared. They felt scared. How? What was different? Why now? Their legs trembled as they made their way to the large door, the only door in the entire room. It was locked.

“Shit,” they muttered. They spoke something at least. Something more than a number. Without missing a beat, they ran to the opposite side of their turntables and shoved them into the door. The metal slab burst off its hinges with a crash while their equipment shattered. Those turntables had been their entire life since as long as they could remember. And they were destroyed.

“Good fucking riddance.”

As they crossed the threshold between their prison and the outside world, their legs gave out. They were never meant to leave that room. It hurt as if their muscles were being torn apart with every movement. Looking to their scattered turntables, a round tube of metal stuck out. Without hesitation, they ripped it off and used it to hold themself up. It supported their weight well, even if it was just temporary until they could get their hands on something more suited to their needs.

The journey was long and difficult, but they eventually made their way to the central station. Shattered bits of glass and plastic were strewn across the floor. It was gone. The phone was gone. They were free. They climbed up the escape path that had been carved by the final test subject of that horrid place. Thankfully, they were still able to super jump, but the path was clearly made for someone who had full use of both of their legs, which made the trek that much harder.

As DJ Dedf1sh traversed the now empty layers of security, they began to search their memories for some trace of a name. Ah… Ah? All they could think of was Acht, the number eight in some human language. Well, close enough. It was the best they were going to get for now, they sort of liked how it sounded. They continued to climb as they searched their memories for any trace of life before the sanitization. To their surprise, there were some bits and pieces that they could remember. But rather than full moments it was more flashes, like trying to recollect a dream. There was only one thing that they could remember clearly. Why this particular person, Acht had no clue. Marina.

***

“She needs help! One of the machines malfunctioned and she got hurt bad!” An octoling rushed into the infirmary carrying an adolecent girl. Both were covered in blood. 

“Lay her down on the cot, Ah███ get the gauze and—shit there’s something lodged in the wound— we’ll need the scalpel too!”

“Right, where’s she hurt? And will we need any nitrous oxide?”

“She’s scratched up all over, but the main source of bleeding is a deep gash in her abdomen, looks like a piece of metal stabbed into her from the machine. She’s in a lot of pain, nitrous oxide is a good idea. Mx. were you hurt at all?”

“No, just her,” the octoling who carried the girl in said, “She was working on a prototype for the flooders, but it suddenly fell off its hinges and landed on her.”

The memory blurred and refocused in a new setting. Now Acht was in the patient ward of the infirmary, speaking with the octoling girl who had been injured before. “You’re going to be alright, but you have to stay here until your wounds heal. I’ll come back every few hours to give you another dose of pain killers. If you want, you can opt out of them, but seeing your injuries I wouldn’t suggest it.”

“No, I definitely won’t be opting out. Thank you for taking such good care of me. I really didn’t think I would make it out of that accident,” she glanced at the bandages wrapped around her midsection and scattered along her limbs. Her teal tentacles writhed in worry.

“I’ve seen worse, you have nothing to worry about! My name’s Ah███ ██████ by the way. I’ll be taking care of you during your stay here.”

“Nice to meet you, I’m Marina Ida. Did you guys already have that on record?”

“We didn’t actually, you were listed as Jane Doe. Your companion failed to mention a name before leaving to continue working. I’ll make sure to notify the rest of the staff that we have a name for you.”

Another blur, and then they were outside the infirmary. With Marina. She’d been better for a while now.

“Shouldn’t you be working? The DJ is gonna flip his lid if he finds out you’re skipping, especially now that you’ve been promoted to wasabi supply unit,” Acht placed a large trash bag in the dumpster outside, they’d been given garbage duty for the day. 

“I’m on my lunch break and I wanted to pay you a visit!” Marina chirped with a smile. She had such a beautiful smile.

“You only get fifteen minutes, you need to-” Before they knew it Marina had pressed her lips to theirs.

Blur, scene change, Acht was already getting bored of this routine. They wished they could just remember without the— shit! They slipped and nearly fell into a giant pool of water. Fucking Belly Phase. Maybe this test subject that broke out could’ve made it easier for others to leave?

“I’m leaving,” the memories started again as Marina stared at them.

“Like, you’re being promoted again to a different division or?”

“I’m leaving the army, Ah███. I… I heard the inklings sing. It changes everything.”

“Marina, no. They’re just trying to confuse you. This is our home you can’t-”

“Come with me.”

“What?” A lump formed in Acht’s throat as they tried to hold back tears.

“I want you to come with me. Please.” She paused before muttering, “I love you.”

“Marina I…” Acht’s eyes searched the surrounding world for some excuse, some reason for them to stay together. “You know I love you. But this is our home. We can’t just… we can’t.”

“Just listen!” She pressed a button on the small set of portable turntables she had tucked under her arm. A track played with two inkling girls singing. “Don’t you see? Were prisoners here! The DJ doesn’t care about us at all! But maybe if the inklings can make something this great, they’ll accept us!”

“Marina,” Acht looked her in the eyes, “I know. I’ve known how awful this place was since I was ripped away from my family. I see dying soldiers every day because Octavio won’t give them the new gear and weapons that they need. And I can’t help them because we can’t get the medicine and supplies that we need! Of course he doesn’t care about us, all he cares about is getting revenge on the squids. But we can’t leave. You really think the inklings would accept us? That they wouldn’t send us right back into this underground hellscape to be executed for treason? That they wouldn’t murder us themselves? Marina, I know you want to get out of here, but I love you, I can’t let you go get yourself killed.”

“If you really loved me, you would have left with me sooner, seeing how long you’ve known.” Her words cut sharper than any knife. Acht felt a warm stinging in their eyes as the tears finally came spilling out.

“Are you breaking up with me?” They choked.

“You’re not coming with me, are you?”

“I can’t,” Acht refused to make eye contact.

“Goodbye, Ah███. Don’t forget about me, okay?” She stretched out her hands, offering them a the turntables. They were covered in stickers and drawings made with various markers. Acht took them carefully, as if they might fade out of existence with one wrong move. With that, Marina sighed and walked away. 

As Acht stepped onto the elevator of the spinal phase, they began to cry a little. They weren’t sure if they were happy that they could remember, or if they were sad about what they were remembering. One thing was certain, they needed to find Marina. For some reason she was the only person they could clearly remember, so maybe she could help them uncover more of their memories.

Acht suddenly felt an immense pain in their stomach, the fell to the floor, dropping their makeshift cane, and threw up. They were reminded of the dream they’d had during their sanitization, how the mem cakes spewed from their mouth. This time, however, they expelled the same greenish ooze that had been injected into them. It burned. But there was an instant relief as soon as it was out of their body. They could finally breathe. For the first time in years they felt alive. Or, as alive as they could be when their skin was still the color of decay and their memories were shattered like a vase.

The elevator screeched to a halt and a ladder stood in front of Acht, leading them out of this hell. Their legs barely worked when they walked, even with the help of a cane. Trying to climb a ladder in their state would be impossible. They relied almost entirely on their upper body, holding their cane in their mouth and pulling themself up with their arms. It took so long to climb all the way to the top. They slipped and nearly got stuck multiple times. And it was wonderful. They made mistakes, they took their time. It wasn't perfect. Finally. All they were doing was climbing a ladder but it felt like such an accomplishment. They reached the top and the light of day shown down on their face. A breeze brushed their tentacles, and they could swear their sense of smell was returning with the salt of the ocean wafting up into the air.

The sky was blue. Acht couldn’t remember seeing the sky before. It was so beautiful.

[the-script-demands-it]

Welcome to...

Rad's enormous pile of abandoned MetaWare WIPs/things that ARE finished but I didn't like them/WIPs that I might come back to/other stuff!

Below the "keep reading" button will be a detailing of all of these images! Please be aware that this WILL be an extremely long post, so... Just a warning. There'll be a second post after this that will also contain the rest of the art that I wasn't able to squeeze in here. (Even 30 pics per Tumblr post isn't enough for this...)

Let's start off with the most recently abandoned WIP!

I started drawing this about two weeks after Chris' birthday (her bday is January 4th) and I was really happy with it, but then I had NO idea how to pose Izzy. It's a bummer since I liked how Chris' hair came out, but alas! (Happy belated birthday, Chris!)

Possibility of finishing?: Yeah, maybe. Prob will have to change Izzy's pose if I really want to finish it though.

Oh hey, I posted this a few months ago on my other blog!

Really wish I finished it, but now that I'm looking back on it, there's definitely some improvement to be had here. I don't like whatever's going on with her face. You can tell that I gave up while trying to make the background as well. Poor Hope!

Possibility of finishing?: I'll have to completely redraw this if I plan on finishing it, but I've definitely got a feeling that I'll come back to this someday.

Hmph!

This one's actually pretty finished, I've just never posted it anywhere before because it's such a small little doodle. I like it though! Nari in a Gir tassel hat is always welcome.

Possibility of finishing?: It's already done. Don't plan on editing it!

(This happens on the rude route!)

It's basically just a proof of concept, and a VERY minimal one at that, but I think it's got some merit! Not enough people talk about that Chris Vs Aspen scene, honestly.

Possibility of finishing?: Sometime this year maybe...??? I don't plan on abandoning this forever, I just don't really know when I'll get around to it.

AUTISM BLAST PT. 1

Hey, remember that art I had pinned on my other blog for a while? I was planning on redrawing it, but I only ever managed to complete one part of it until I forgot about it... It's definitely an upgrade from the original version, though I can do better than this nowadays.

Possibility of finishing?: I'm DEFINITELY going to redraw this someday. I need a new pinned post, damn it!

Thx ^]

Okay, here's some context for these two. I got an anonymous ask on my other account saying that they liked my MetaWare PFP and I thought that it would be a great idea if I responded to it with some art and also turn that same post into an announcement for my MetaWare sideblog (this one!), but that of course did not actually happen.

Possibility of finishing?: NO.

Nari looks so... "off" in this picture.

I like how I drew Hope, but ergh... that is NOT Nari. I don't know how I managed to make her look like a completely different character in this one, but I do NOT like it.

Possibility of finishing?: Nah, I think I'm done with this pic.

Woah, scary!

I actually touched this one up a bit before sending it here. It used to look MUCH more incomplete, but it's basically done now besides from the hair being missing 'n all.

Possibility of finishing?: I might draw more MetaWare stuff with drastic lighting in the future, but I don't plan on revisiting this specifically.

Le miaow miaows.

I worked on Hope before sending this because she looked kinda off, but I think she looks OK now. You can see that this isn't really what my usual art style looks like. I was trying to mix together the original MetaWare sprite art style and the style SparkBag used in the polaroid anniversary art he made, and I think I did just fine.

Possibility of finishing?: It's basically already done! Coloring it would probably make it cooler, but I don't think I'll ever do that.

This won't be the last time I try to use eyes symbolically.

I still REALLY want to revisit this again. It's great! It's magnificent! I just did NOT have the ability to execute it properly back when I made it a ton of months ago, so I just didn't do it. Still don't know if I do now, but it's worth a shot. (This was basically just another proof of concept, by the way.)

Possibility of finishing?: Absolutely! I'll try to get to this sometime soon this year.

GRILLING START ! ! !

Yep, this was based off of Papyrus' "Dating Start!" minigame! Just another proof of concept or... Okay I don't know what else to call these. Like, they're definitely NOT finished nor are they actual fleshed out sketches, what else am I supposed to call them???? I think it's cool though.

Possibility of finishing?: Don't think I'll be ditching this idea anytime soon. Seems kinda simple to draw too, I'll get to it sometime.

Lookin' pretty cute!!

Context for this one: It was gonna be a 3 part comic or something with Hope drawing Nari's bear fursona. Never actually made the comic though, but I DID make her fursona!!! It's the one right below this one, actually.

Possibility of finishing?: Nope.

BEAR NARI BARI LET'S GO

Personally, I think this is adorable. When drawing people's fursonas I always kinda make them more animal than anthropomorphic, but I think it leads to pretty cute art!

Possibility of finishing?: It's already done!

I was just testing out a brush with this one, I think.

It's a cute little doodle, don't have much to say about it though! I WILL say that the bear plushie was a bit inspired by my own plush I have at home, though this one is much smaller than mine.

Possibility of finishing?: Nah, it's just a little doodle.

Ingo Nari... Ingri... Angry!?!

iiii really think I made the hat too big. Like... WAY too big. Don't really like how her face came out, but the body itself is pretty OK. I based it too much on Ingo's original pose though, kinda looks like I just put Nari's head on his head LMAO

Possibility of finishing?: This is basically already finished, though I might draw Nari cosplaying as Ingo again. Why not?

(Bonus Ingri!)

Nari in a hoodie!

Don't exactly remember what this was for. Either it was for an AU of mine or someone else's AU. Her front hair's kinda too far down though, I had a bit of a habit making her face REALLY small compared to her hair in my old art.

Possibility of finishing?: Nay!

Wow, Nari with an eye AND eyebrows! Who woulda thunk it.

Her hair is much puffier than previous versions in this one. Why? Dunno. She looks pretty cool AND cute in this though!

Possibility of finishing?: It's already complete.

My polar bear plush makes a cameo in this one! Say hi!

I had to edit this one a SHIT ton before sending this final picture. I wish I had a pin that said "I HATE DRAWING METAWARE STYLE NOSES" because I loathe them. There were other reasons why I didn't like the original version, but I was annoyed with the nose the most. Really happy how this came out though!

Possibility of finishing?: I just finished it right now. (I'll probably be posting this on its own sometime soon)

Some original characters...!? Unthinkable!

This features Lumi (Metolefrul-indus' fan character) and an old version of Rowan (my fan character)! I changed Rowan's design and personality soon after this, so I don't think this interaction with Lumi and Rowan will actually ever happen... Sorry Lumi! 'Twas just a little doodle.

Possibility of finishing?: NEVER.

Last but not least (for this post, anyway), is this Chris and Izzy sketch!

Some pals requested this during a stream and this was all I managed to make of it... I'm so sorry!!!!!!! They were good prompts!!! I'll finish it one day I swear!!!!

Possibility of finishing?: Soon!

PHEW WE'RE DONE FOR THIS POST. We have 20 more to go in the next one! Might post it next week because this is tiring holy hell. Glad to show these WIPs off to the world though!

P.S. I'm going to skip a few images seen in the huge pic at the beginning! Some were already completed and I'll just post those on their own orrrr I just don't want to review 'em.

[sailforvalinor]

15 questions 15 mutuals tagged by @o-lei-o-lai-o-lord

Rules: answer the questions and then tag fifteen mutuals

1. Are you named after anyone?

Technically I’m named after my grandmother, but I’m actually named after her middle name because she goes by her middle name instead of her first name. It’s confusing 😂

2. When was the last time you cried?

Hmmm, not sure…probably in my last counseling appointment.

3. Do you have kids?

Nope, but I’d like to someday!

4. Do you use sarcasm a lot?

You know, now that I think about it, I do sometimes, but not nearly as much as I used to.

5. What’s the first thing you notice about people?

Honestly, whether or not I find them intimidating. (Which is hilarious, because my mom and others have said that I come off as intimidating—I don’t get it! I’m a lil bundle of nerves all the time! 😂)

6. What’s your eye color?

Blue.

7. Scary movies or happy endings!

Most definitely happy endings, although I find that some of the best fiction mixes a bit of both.

8. Any special talents?

Hmm…I can tap dance!

9. Where were you born?

A lil hospital in a college town in the southeast.

10. What are your hobbies?

Reading, writing, hyperfixating on media, playing video games, dancing, knitting…

11. Have you any pets?

I have two dogs at home (I’m at college right now) who I miss very very much. I think I’ve posted a picture of one of them, my cavalier, but I think he was hiding behind a chair, so 😂

12. What sports do you play/have played?

I was a dancer all the way from when I was in elementary school until I graduated high school. (And yes, dance IS as much a sport as it is an art form.) I’m a bit out of practice, but I’m hoping to get my brother (who is also a dancer) to take ballroom with me over the summer.

13. How tall are you?

Five-foot-one. I tiny.

14. Favorite subject in school?

Any creative writing class. (Except for maybe the creative nonfiction class I took my freshman year, not a medium I particularly enjoy.)

15. Dream job?

Honestly I’d love to be able to be a successful author and a stay-at-home mom at the same time, lol.

Tagging with no pressure (and if you’ve already been tagged in this game don’t feel the need to do it twice):

@braveheartstoryteller @novelmonger @kanerallels @accidental-spice @faeriefully @esthelle18 @oleander-neria @queenofnevermore @i-am-a-stupid-robot @taciturn-nerd @iwriteashollers-and-levade

[dballzposting]

Dear Diary. I think that Goten and Palace-chan and Trunks could do a throuple or polycule or whatever. I think they could do it FOR LIFE. Truth is Trunks has nothing else going on. After a certain point hes just not interested in the hassle of meeting new people and trying to nail down a date. He doesnt care. He doesnt care about having a girlfriend and it's not like hes especially attracted to guys in any discernible way either. (Saying this bc GT Trunks still gives me those light aroace vibes..). When it comes to a lifelong partner, he feels he needs one, but it doesnt need to be "romantic" by any social definition, there just needs to be intimacy and security and support. This is where Goten, whom he already knows and is well-bonded with, comes in. Trunks is just not interested in taking the time to forge a deep connection with somebody else .. he already did that. Theres really no reason to do it again.

Goten however always thought that hed have a wife and kids someday and he cant shake that desire and shouodnt have to. What's more he NEEEDS a gf like he LOVES having a gf. He loves having romance with sweet women. Fuck yeah. If he and his buddy Trunks started dating it would be really easy bc they already love eachother and the affection comes naturally but it would be hard too becasue even though it's fulfilling in the moment, Goten worries about his maidenless future ...

And so eventually Trunks would cut him loose becasue he knows what's good for him and it's sad becasue remmeber Trunks has nothing else going on except for Goten but it's actually not sad becasue theyre still best friends so what is he actually losing? It feels bitter and scary in the moment however, when you start trying to push or pull the people in your life to fit into roles that may or may not even involve you in the end.

However Palace-chan would love to have two boyfriends if they were cute. And I think she'd think that Trunks is cute becasue why wouldnt she .. all the other ladies do. I think that theyd get along really well..!!!! I always thought that and maybe it's just because shes his BFF's GF so they have to get along but think about it ... Think about it.

Trunks didnt want to take the time to meet new people so he just sticks with who he has and that was a great investment becasue now Goten has introduced him to a lovely lady whom he gets along really well with. They talk candidly, and in all of her airheadedness, shes used to adapting to things she didnt know before; whether it's the existence of ice cream or the existence of aliens, she'll respond to and readily accept all sorts of info . And she's great to talk to for that reason bc she'll be surprised by what you're saying and then she'll ask for more details and now you get to talk abt yourself and she'll listen and be like "wow I didnt know that" and like Literally nobody has EVER let Trunks talk about robot shit for an hour and a half before but by god Palace did. Both parties compromising to reach an understanding between the broad disparity of their knowledge. Sorry I'm just musing uselessly let's get back to the post

So they all get along really well and they all like each other a lot and they all feel loved and theres support and care between them all. Palace-chan is like Trunks's other BFF. Goten is his actual BFF whom he thinks is cute (but he wont say that to anyone but Goten and Palace). He thinks Palace-chan is adorable too becasue that is an objective fact. Trunks and Palace are like Goten's girlfriends (this is what Goten says and Trunks always jabs him for this.) Palace is Goten's darling and they will wed one day and when they do Trunks will live with them. And one day Trunks asked "am I going to help you raise the kids? Are they going to be, like, my kids? Am I going to be another dad or am I just going to be, like, some guy?" and Goten responds "you'll be like a Piccolo to them" and they have a sensible chuckle but it doesnt really answer the question. The true question of course being, what does Trunks want to be in this equation? It takes a while to occur to any of them but eventually Palace brings up that if she has a kid with Goten, could she have a kid with Trunks too? And Trunks is thrown by this and is like, "dude, Goten, then our kids would be siblings, man" and Goten is like "I know thatd be so weird like, our fathers are rivals and their grandkids are siblings? That's crazy man" and Trunks is like "DUDE. Our fathers are the only true-blooded saiyans left , shouldnt you and I consider it our duty to stop their bloodlines from running into eachother and fizzling out? Or, alternatively, shoukdnt we have kids of our own who dont share a mother so that they can potentially copulate and keep the saiyan blood strong?" to which Goten responds "You want our kids to not be siblings so thag they can copulate? That's fucked up man. Why dont we just skip the middleman and have you and I copulate." and here Palace interrupts and says almost sadly "oh, is there another woman you want to be the mother of your children...?" and they're both like "No no no this is all hypothetical..." and that's when Trunks realizes that theres really nothing he can do to stop Vegeta's bloodline from ending with Kakarot's at just the third generation down. It's up to Bra to keep the bloodlines separate and thriving now ....

Trunks isnt Palace's BF but he is her BF's BFF and they do all kiss and stuff and she thinks hes cute and she loves him. And if they're hanging out just the two of them and people mistake them to be a couple they absolutely go with it. Trunks isnt her boyfriend and she isnt his girlfriend but they are eachother's Sweetheart. She admires him a lot and probably defaults to "-san" (while with her beloved Goten shes comfortable using -kun or really -senpai) and Trunks always tells her that she doesnt need to use a suffix at all but she thinks that's strange. And he probably calls her -kun in public and -chan when theyre all hanging out together. Goten will call them both -chan becasue thats the kind of guy he is.

And they all love each other the end....

[cometmystic]

hey!! i dont think youve posted abt this yet so… tell me abt your fav characters!!! :D

im about to ramble and expose some weakpoints on the internet so heres a cut !!! im gonna talk about the three that are in the forefront of my mind at the moment !! maybe this will change if you ask me in a months time,,, maybe not !!! mwah thank you for sending me asks sweetie

lots of history with this girl; soo i found out about her during my first mugen phase ? so like 11-13ish,, there was a genre of character that was modeled to play like smash bros characters, and in looking those up, i found one of this weird woman... hong meiling was her name ? she was related to this weird frog girl whose hat was evil and maybe the mcdonalds song girl ? whatever the case i needed to download her. and i couldnt because the download was down. this sent me uo the wall for several years and implanted her name into my brain,, up until i got into touhou proper thanks to you actually !!

so now im learning about the lore and the characters, and turns out theres more to this meiling than being elusive and pretty !!! so this gloomy, scary place behind one of the touhou worlds most significant battles is guarded by this friendly, easygoing redhead ? and shes fiercely loyal and protective of the mansion as well as gensoukyou, despite being employed by people who almost ate the world right up ? thats so wonderful !! shes so cool !!! and she takes care of flowers, and canonically doesnt like dodging bullets and tries catching them instead, and no one has any idea of what she is...!!!! theres so much to her !!! but most of all, the absolute tragedy of some of her mansionmates getting boatloads of development and lore, while shes,, basically in the same place she started in ? even flan did ! but meiling still gets depicted as just lazying about, despite that trait of hers being in favour of working in the scarlet devil mansion, which people fear and dont visit ? or rather used to... so she should have evolved along with it,, so that sadness also makes me even more attached to her in a way !!

i know shes not the most mistreated character in touhou or anything, far from it since shes a th6 girl and those get Everything and everyone sick of them but... idk !! id love to see more of her shine someday ouo

heres some sprite art i made of her

this character is a whisper in the wind. this character is a shadow in the wall of a cave. this character is the tree that falls with no one to hear. this character isnt real. this character is one of my favourites

like shes drenched, positively oozing with lore and content, and its all so utterly relevant and unique that i cant possibly talk about any of it because i cant be bothered to spoiler tag this,, but like,, reading between the lines of the fiction and uncovering lil things about her and what shes like was the most fun ive had during my dngnrnpa phase, to the point that,, here she is still !! at the tippy top !! and because of things youre intimately familiar with russell, you probably know shes probably gonna stay !! im very sentimental like that

and it wasnt even just lore either, her design kind of instantly drew me to her back when i was part of the original animes speculation circle and,, wow suddenly my sonas attire seems a little um,, familiar doesnt it : ...i promise i had other inspiations for ir too óuo;

heres some pixel art i made of her

finally this girl !! much like is the theme here, some lore to my meeting this one !!! this one predates even meiling, since i think i was 9 or 10,, see there was a broadcast channel here called animax, and its responsible for a lot of my taste even nowadays,, from the name you can guess it broadcast all sorts of dubbed anime all day long, most of which i absolutely should not have been watching at that age, like hellsing and gantz oops... well there was this other one which until like 4 years ago i only had the faintest recollection of,, i think there were demons in it or something,, mostly i remember being infatuated by the blonde girl

well 2018 comes around and the memory of this lady shoots straight into my brain in the middle of a call with you russell, which you might remember ! i describe to you what it looks like and tell you that i think a guy kills her and she has him help kill bad guys or else hell kill him right back ? and you, through intense googling, eventually are able to tell me it was called lunar legend tsukihime. woag ! lore unlocked

i wiki crawl for a while out of curiosity and find out that she has a fighting game that kinda rules, and that everyone hates the anime and you should read the visual novel instead and,, hey were making a visual novel at some point huh russell ? maybe i should study up on this tsukihime thing,, apparently its pretty influential,, and

obviously arcueid is ridiculously charming and fun, and every second with her is a mildly exciting, mildly creepy (fun way) delight, and its hard not to absolutely love her for that alone !! but also like,, much like the love for meiling started like a new phase in my life, arcueid did the same thing, in a very wonderful way ? a phase where were both really into this thing and talking about it so often and making so many new ideas about it together,, were playing higurashi currently and it feels like an extension of this, of her, and like,, its so special

i love what meeting arcueid again after 10 years did for me

heres some pixel art i made of her

and if you stuck with me for this long, heres a lil gift !! a lil happy ending for 13 year old me i suppose !!!

i found her after all ouo

[swtki]

HP Boys: Surprise Pregnancy Head Cannons

Summary: The HP boys and their reaction to their s/o (afab) being pregnant when its not planned.

A/N: This takes place post Hogwarts so all characters are 18+, though no real smut happens in this so its not an 18+ fic.

WARNINGS: UNPLANNED PREGNANCY, MENTIONS OF PRO CHOICE OPINIONS, MENTIONS OF SEX IN LITE TERMS, SWEARING, FLUFF, MENTIONS OF ALCOHOL, ALSO THIS IS SUPER LONG SORRY LOL

Draco

So everything is going great for the happy couple, you two just moved into a flat together and are working normal jobs, drinking wine like adults.

And sure, Draco knows he wants to marry you, but he knows you’re not ready to settle down like that so he just plans and dreams.

Due to poor choices, when you’re late by two weeks, you know what it probably is.

Draco doesn’t even notice that you ran out to the store and came back and hid in the bathroom for 10 minutes. CEO of minding his own business ig

You just kinda...walk up to him and hand him all 3 tests while your eyes fill with tears because what if he demands you get an abortion?

Or what if he fucks off to god knows where?

But instead he just looks at you with the most un-draco like smile. Like his face was soft and it looked like he could cry any moment.

“Oh my god,” He says, putting his hand on your belly, “I can be ready for this, but if you aren’t then we can you know...”

“No, I want it” then both of you rejoice bc yay baby!

Cut to 6 months later when your feet hurt so bad you have to lay down and watch while Draco fails to put a crib together.

He eventually gets it done tho.

And when the time comes, he’s built and arranged everything for your bundle of joy.

Harry

So you guys are probably already married, but with everything at the ministry going on, it makes Harry less than a family man.

You both agree that it’s probably better to wait so you can be home and yk...raise it.

Well smart man Harry forgets that to not have a kid you need to use protection.

So of course when your period is late you don’t think about it, until its four weeks late.

That night, you and Harry are laying in bed, and thats when you tell him.

“Harry..I’m late.”

“Late for what?” headass.

You: 😳😐

Him: 👁👁😲😲

He’s hesitant to say anything, because he knows its ultimitley up to you what happens with it until its out.

“I think I want to keep it...you know it wont remember much for the first year and a half so if things are stressful it will be okay and-“

“Love...Its going to be perfect”

Mf built the crib in like 45 minutes I swear.

And of course he forced you to keep up with your vitamins, pre natal care, and appointments.

Swear tho you’re about to kill him because cofFeE

But the way he holds your baby 🥺 its his most valued thing ever now.

Ron

Ron is iffy on the kid thing sometimes.

He does want them, but only later when you guys have lived and travled.

So no, you two haven’t planned nor is it even in the picture when your wedding roles around.

It’s in the early days of the marriage when you see his family at the burrow on the way back from the honeymoon.

And of course Molly knows

Because Weasleys are hyperfertile I swear.

She takes you into the kitchen and puts her hands on your arms, shes got that big Mrs.Weasley smile on too.

“I knew it!” She says and pulls you in for a hug, “How far dear??”

You’re just standing there like🧍🏻

“I can see it by the way you glow! Oh my you and my Ron must be so happy!” This woman doesn’t notice that you’re confused.

“Wait what? Mrs. Weasley what are you-?” Then you count the days, “Oh. Well I guess I just found out for myself”

Her face falls slightly, but then she tells you can make you a potion that will tell you if you are or not, stan.

The stupid potion turns green when you spit into it, so everything is confirmed.

That night, you and Ron are getting ready for bed in the guest room and you decide to tell him.

“Ron, sweetie. We need to talk.” He looks like he’s gonna start crying but sits next to you on the bed.

“Y/N...I know its scary but please, we just got married I don’t want to divorce quite just yet 🥺🥺”

“Ron I-“ you start smiling, “I’m pregnant you dufus.”

He just freezes, for a while. Not saying anything, he just looks at the wall with his mouth ajar.

So you get up and go to Ginny.

“Gin, I broke him.”

“Ew, I don’t want to know about how you and him”

“No, I told him that I’m pregnant.”

“Oh, yeah that would do it. Just I don’t know... Give him a minute?”

You give him several, getting a glass of water then heading back up to the room.

Ginny was right, he needed a minute.

“I don’t...I wasn’t...you were.?”

“You don’t have to stay, but I think we can do it. Plus, you would disapoint your mom if you left so...”

“Okay...we’ll do it. I’ll be the best damn Father you have ever seen.” He says, talking to your womb.

Well...he’s a father I’ll give him that.

Pro of having a Weasley baby: free crib thats already put together.

Even if it looks like a death trap.

“We’ll put some blankets over it don’t worry”

You know how some Dads hold their parters hand during the delivery? Yeah he got sick and was moral support from the outside.

To be fair, you weren’t screaming in pleasure by any means.

Scary. But beautiful.

He shows the kid to everyone, he might be more in love with the baby than he is with you.

Ron see’s the appeal of having kids now.

Neville

Moving in with your boyfriend is always fun, right up until you guys go at it so much you forget protection more than once.

You think about it, then move on with your day.

Until the doctor calls, then “oh fuck”

Romance Neville bf

“Why aren’t you having any wine? I thought it was your favorite?”

“I don’t think fetal alcohol syndrome is my favorite.” BRO HE SPAT

But he looks up with tears in his eyes, and runs over to you to grasp you in a hug.

“Oh my god! You’re pregnant! Oh my - We’re gonna be parents!! Oh my god we’re gonna be parents oh-“ Que you petting his hair till he’s calm again.

Lets be honest, this man probably swapped the herbology books for the parenting guides.

“Well I mean I’m just wondering if we should go with this color or this one”

“Nev, it doesn’t matter. Our baby will not care.”

“I read in my book that Infants actually can recognize mood in-“

He won’t let you do anything during your pregnancy.

Gotta love a man who cries because he loves you so much and you’re having his kid.

“I never had a father, what if I do it wrong? What if the baby hates me and runs away at seven?”

“We’ve got quite a lot of time before then.”

He was there during delivery, letting you crush his hand like a champ.

You can’t help but cry when you see him sleeping on the floor next to the crib, its so sweet.

Fred

You two most likely already had two kids, so you decided to wait a bit so your hands weren’t quite full.

Well...your body decided not to wait.

A test provides the two lines, another wild child.

The two toddlers already run around like thing one and thing two, only with red hair.

I think Fred would gladly make the family dinner, and wear an apron. He’d own it, as he should.

But mf gotta not drop the salad bowl when you tell him of the fetus inside you.

“Fred we are going to have a bee-ay-bee-why.”

Your five year old has just begun to spell 😐

He’s happy tho.

Like over the fuckin moon.

He buys the two kids big brother/sister shirts too 🥺🥺

He knows the drill pretty well, so he isn’t too worried about the future.

But its funny that he still freaks out about the crib and feeding chair since he gave it away, you know because you guys werent having another kid.

He packed a hospital bag and kept it in the trunk, counting down the days.

Hours of delivery (He just sat back and held your hand) only to end up with a room full of 7 Weasley family members.

Fred always said that 3 was his lucky number :)

George

You guys were taking it slow, no marriage until you both felt it was time. And certainly no children before that.

Well you know...things changed when the test was positive.

You slid it over on the table, tears pooling in your eyes. He was stunned and quiet, which made you burst out sobbing because you knew that neither of you planned on having a baby.

But to your surprise he starts to smile.

“I want whatever you want, I’m staying by your side no matter what.”

“I mean...would it really be so bad? A house, a kid, a dog?” He holds your hand as you think aloud.

You both give it a week to think it over and the virdict is to keep it.

Thats when he decides he has to marry you, asap because he loves you and will never let you go especially now.

He loves to gush about the carrier of his child, to him you are a godess.

He’s the Dad with a predestination complex.

“Y/N, I just see him being a star quiditch player”

“George, we don’t know if it’s a him.”

He rolls his eyes “Okay then I can see her being a star-“

He made Hermione take you out for a movie date so he could rearrange your bedroom, since you only had a single bedroom flat.

You come back to a new set up including a cot.

Damn pregnancy hormones make brain go 🥺😭😭

He freaks when your water breaks lol

ceo of driving like a maniac to the hospital.

He can’t hold your hand, he’s pacing back and forth, sweating and maybe crying though he’ll never admit to it.

You get the joy of watching him cuddle the baby while refusing to give your child to you.

“George I’d like to hold-“

“No, you need your sleep honey, don’t worry”

Hogging the child.

Cedric

Its no secret that Cedric wants a baby someday.

And he makes it clear your wedding will be spectacular too.

However, finding out you’re pregnant the week of your dream wedding was a shock.

A shock that made you bang your head into the wall because how could you be so stupid?? We had a plan??

So you decide to wait until after the wedding, that way it wont add onto the stress (happy stress) of the wedding.

Cedric keeps trying to fill your glass at the reception, to which you kindly refuse saying you want to remember the night entirely.

Yeah he’s like 🤨 mhm okay.

You can only pick at the dinner because ew salmon doesn’t sound like an option if you want to keep the contents of your stomach.

As everyone waves goodbye to the car, and you both set off into married life, he leans over.

“I may be out of my mind, but are you...?”

“Pregnant.” His face lights up, pulling you into a hug.

Finally, your car pulls up to a small cottage with lush garden scapes all around, putting a hand out, he walks you both from the car to the door.

“Ced, where are we?”

“Home.”

Somehow it was perfect with Cedric, even when it was rushed.

He loved talking to your womb, even if it was weird that he was talking about the babies future brothers and sisters.

“Cedric, slow down. We haven’t even had this one yet”

Basically he is father of the year before he’s a full father.

He’s there while you deliver, holding your hand and telling you how great you’re doing.

He doesn’t even complain when you insult him <3.

He updates you on everything.

If his eyes aren’t on that child, he’s either asleep or dead.

I think Cedric was meant to be a family man, because he loves everything about being one.

Taglist: @truly-insatiable @amourtentiaa @imdoingathingmom @annasdani @anchoeritic @mullthingsoverinthehotwater @cedricsyellowscarf @faeinorbit

[dear-kumari]

How about Witch Hat Atelier for the ask meme?

I heard it's getting an anime, so I will definitely be checking it out once it airs ^^

Wonderful choice!  In the spirit of really hoping you pick up the series someday, I will also provide a little context for my blorbos, skrunklys, et al. :3  All you need to know going into these is that there’s a society of witches that’s regarded as helpful and altruistic but also hides the secrets of magic from the rest of the world, and the series is about a young outsider entering this society and wrestling with the cognitive dissonance therein.  The Pointed Hats follow the law, the Knights Moralis are a subset of Pointed Hats who enforce the law (they have the power to memory-wipe and exile people), and the Brimhats are any witches on the fringe who reject Pointed Hat laws and practice dangerous forbidden magic.

blorbo (favorite character, character I think about the most):

Coco, the main character!  It’s my opinion that main characters must be incredibly hard to write well, considering how often I’m underwhelmed by them.  Coco is a fantastic protagonist, though, and I really love how we get to see her worldview grow and/or shrink in real time with every harsh reality she faces.  A lot of the tension in WHA hinges on the possibility that she’ll join the Brimhats, which I would really love to see.

Also tied with Coustas, who started as a seemingly inconsequential bystander/casualty who would be forgotten in most manga and is now arguably the most important vehicle for the story’s themes.  Don’t want to spoil anything big here, but the way his arc has played out so far is just … intensely cathartic in a way I haven’t experienced in a while.

scrunkly (my “baby”, character that gives me cuteness aggression, character that is So Shaped):

Iguin, the main Brimhat antagonist!!  He’s aggressively Shaped, honestly, and all because of the cool/scary/somewhat goofy costume he wears.  I adore his vibes.

Also Sasaran, a minor ally of Iguin!  He’s also very Shaped, but not really by choice; he accidentally permanently transformed himself into a cat-man with forbidden magic. :/ it happens

Coustas again — wonderful character design, really

Tetia (one of the girls Coco’s learning magic with, basically loves making people happy and has curly pink hair), she’s soooo cute and endearing

scrimblo bimblo (underrated/underappreciated fave):

Tartar!  I wrote a whole impassioned post about it already, but yeah, he’s really the best.  I love when characters actually surprise me, and Tartar might be the most surprising character in the series with how much depth he brings to the story.

glup shitto (obscure fave, character that can appear in the background for 0.2 seconds and I won’t shut up about it for a week):

Cheating a bit here, but I also absolutely obsess over this depiction of random Brimhats, even though most or all of these representations probably aren’t specific characters we’re going to meet.  (You never know, though …)  I love the idea that there is a large and vibrant (and honestly, probably very chaotic and #cringe) Brimhat subculture out there waiting to be explored.  I just think they’re neat :)

poor little meow meow (“problematic”/unpopular/controversial/otherwise pathetic fave):

Who could it be but Sasaran?  Really, look at him.  He’s a literal pathetic wet cat.  He’s a goofy little meow meow.  He loves hurting random people, including innocent kids, with forbidden magic.  He has no redeeming qualities as far as I can tell, but that doesn’t make him any less deserving of my affections.  Honorable mention for Iguin ofc, but no one is doing it like Sasaran.

horse plinko (character I would torment for fun, for whatever reason):

Easthies :) To put it diplomatically, Easthies is solely dedicated to his job as a witch cop and the ethical principles it’s built around, so ofc he deserves the horse plinko ^^ (tbh I am Not opposed to “““redemption””” for any or all of the Knight Moralis in whatever form that might take, but only if this guy gets plinko’d)

Also Beldarut (a whimsical and politically important Pointed Hat guy), though I really have nothing specific against him.  I mean I think his worldview is kinda cowardly and ultimately harmful, but like. he has a fine personality.  I shouldn’t want to torment him for fun, but I do.

eeby deeby (character I would send to superhell):

Uhhh any of the minor characters who are obviously shitty to kids (Sasaran gets a pass bc he’s a skrunkly little meow meow, ofc)

Thanks for the ask!!  I really like talking about this series and I hope the anime brings in new readers ^^

[1ddiscourseoftheday]

Tues 13 April ‘21

Okay well in today’s decent news, Zayn and Gigi (and PA Taryn) got papped in NYC taking Khai to the aquarium out at Coney Island. Bye bye Zayn’s blue hair, he shaved it off, but hello stylish plaid coat and ofc Zayn looks good with any hair, it’s ridiculous really. And Ingrid Michaelson teased the To Begin Again video- coming soon? Pap pics of Zayn would suggest YES! EDIT: oh! YES sure enough-- it premiers tomorrow!!! Things go right downhill after that though-- first off, not me being excited about Liam doing art stuff only to discover it’s a picture of PRINCE PHILLIP. Uggghh WORST REVEAL EVER LIAM, nooooo.

And the news doesn’t get better from there I’m afraid; TMZ reports that Olivia is being harassed by a stalker who keeps showing up at her AND JASON’S home (in LA). Apparently the stalker is upset about her and Harry’s ‘relationship’. That’s scary and I hope she and her family are all right and have the support they need! Meanwhile, the fact of the whole “she and Harry live together in LA” thing being so obviously and completely debunked by this, combined with the fact that the entire Holivia story is based on them having been photographed together off set two(2) times, EVER, both in a single 24 hour period 4 months ago, is finally too much for even head stunt sponsor deuxmoi; as of last night they said they don’t know if she and Harry are “still” together. The publicists aren’t giving up that easily though, and would rather make their client look horrible even while exploiting her serious personal crisis than give up their headline grabbing narrative (hmm, familiar); there was a scramble to regroup and what they were able to come up with to shore up their story was that Olivia lied on her court documents about where she lived. WOW... actual wtf, industry handlers are just really sincerely the fucking scum of the earth huh??

SPEAKING OF WHICH… “sources” say Simon Cowell is “broken and betrayed” (HELL YEAH, nice) and feeling the pressure from recent allegations against him and Syco and The X Factor. He “doesn’t feel like he should be made to look like the bad guy” BOO FUCKING HOO asswipe, maybe you shouldn’t have BEEN the bad guy! We’re told that he’s dealing with it by asking Cheryl Cole for help, and possibly thinking of calling Liam “as he’s worried that members of 1D could start turning their backs on him publicly,” UGH YES PLEASE THAT’S HOT. Out of all the boys people-pleaser Liam is certainly his best chance, true, but I’ll hope for the best (members of 1D turning their backs on him publicly! Someday we’re gonna see it- more than we already have- and it’s gonna be GOOD.)

Anyway that was a bunch of unfun news, let’s close on a high (and perfectly harmonized) note- Louis liked a post of vocal coach Helene’s about working with 1D, an incredible sounding video of OT5 singing Strong. “To get a chorus sounding strong, tight, clean and solid vocally you MUST work A Capella to hear what’s going on. We did so much of this...and it was always great to hear how the 3 part harmonies blended together with their individual sounding voices.” It IS always great to hear, thanks for that Helene, so nice.

[specialagentsergio]

wish i were

summary: Emily’s back where she belongs, but she’s learning that you can’t come back from the dead the same as you were before. Spencer’s reeling from betrayal and broken trust. Then there’s you—their safe port in the storm. But you’re not okay either, and you have a choice to make.

pairing: spencer reid x f!reader (unrequited), emily prentiss x f!reader

category: angst

content warnings: lots of swearing, mentions of/implied sex, mentions of vomiting (nothing descriptive), fighting, negative feelings towards other team members, bittersweet ending

a/n: it’s finally here. thank you all for your patience. i wasn’t planning on posting angst and unrequited love on valentine’s day, but i don’t want to wait another day to post this; i’m kinda sick of looking at it tbh. anyways, i hope you enjoy it and it lives up to your expectations. sorry it’s so long. apparently i have a lot to say.

word count: 8.7k

series masterlist || masterlist

Ten weeks ago.

“Absolutely not,” Emily croaks out. Her voice is rough and broken from the breathing tube, and it hurts her throat to speak, but she ignores it. “No. I won’t do it.”

She can hardly believe what she’s hearing. She’s only been awake for a few hours and she’s already fed up with the bullshit the world is throwing at her. Right now, it’s in the form of her boss asking her to fake her own death. “You can’t seriously think this is an acceptable solution.”

Hotch is unreadable, his unit chief face firmly in place. “It’s for your own safety.”

Emily scoffs, then immediately winces at the pain that shoots through her midsection. But she continues. “So put me in a safe house or something. I’m not making my friends bury me.”

“It’s for their safety as well,” he replies. “Doyle’s still out there. He’s targeted them before. You know he’ll do it again to get to you if he finds out you’re alive.”

“Then let them in on this,” she argues. “They can keep a secret.”

His expression slips—just a little bit, but she sees it. It’s hesitance.

“Where’s (Y/N)?” she asks, a feeling of dread settling over her. “I want to see her. I’m not making a decision like this without her.”

Hotch folds his arms over his chest. “It’s not your decision to make, Emily,” he says quietly. “It’s already done.”

Her breath catches in her throat. She looks him up and down, searching desperately for any sign that he’s lying, that this is all just some cruel joke, that any second now you’ll be walking through the door, a smile on your face—

There are none.

Her lungs burn and she’s forced to take in a breath. “You son of a bitch,” she whispers. “You... son of a bitch. How dare you? How dare you.”

He doesn’t so much as flinch as her voice increases in volume, which only serves to make her angrier.

“How fucking dare you! You let me see (Y/N) right now, you bastard!”

The door opens—her heart leaps—

It’s JJ, who, if Hotch is to be believed, is the only other one to know about this. JJ hurries to her side and reaches out, but Emily yanks her arm away.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” she snarls. “You—” Her eyes land on the water pitcher on the table in front of her and she lunges forward, the searing pain it causes barely registering. She seizes it and throws it with all the force she can muster.

Hotch doesn’t move out of the way, letting it hit his chest and soak the front of his clothing. Its accompanying cup follows, then the TV remote. It’s not until she grabs the vase of flowers that he ducks out of the way. The glass shatters on the floor. All the while, she’s screaming obscenities at him.

JJ tries in vain to calm her down, holding up her hands placatingly. “Emily, please—”

“Don’t talk to me!” she yells. “You have the audacity to come in here and speak to me when you know I’m alive and my girlfriend doesn’t!”

“Emily!” Her voice is stern. “I understand you’re upset—”

“Don’t use your fucking mom voice on me, Jennifer, I’m not a fucking child—”

“What’s going on in here?” A pair of nurses enter the room, no doubt drawn by the commotion.

“She’s bleeding,” JJ answers immediately. “I think she might have aggravated something when she sat up.”

“She’s not supposed to be sitting up at all. What did you two do?” one of the nurses scolds.

“She just got some bad news—”

“Well, isn’t that a nice way to put it!” The nurses are trying to coax her into laying back down, but Emily resists it. “A really great way to describe the two of you trying to force me into letting my family and girlfriend think I’m dead!”

“I think some of the stitches tore,” the second nurse says.

“Go get the doctor,” the first one instructs an orderly standing in the doorway.

Movement catches Emily’s eye and she looks towards it to see Hotch taking a step backwards.

“Don’t you dare leave!” she screams. “I’m not done with you, you motherf—”

“Agent, please, you need to lie back.”

“And you two need to leave,” the older of the nurses says.

Then there’s a third person at her side. Judging by the white coat, it’s the doctor. “What’s the problem?” he asks them.

“She’s agitated and we think some stitches might have burst.”

“Damn right I’m agitated!” Emily cries. “They’re trying to—I—” She looks past the doctor to find that JJ and Hotch are gone.

“Emily, we’re going to give you something to help you relax,” he tells her.

Her vision goes blurry and she can’t figure out why until she feels the tears sliding down her cheeks. She lets the nurses push her back now and her head thumps against the pillow. “Please—” she chokes on a sob. “Please, I want to see my girlfriend.”

“What’s her name?” the doctor asks kindly.

“(Y/N). We’ve been together for almost a year. I need…” Her limbs are starting to feel heavy. “I need to call her, or—or something. She thinks… she thinks….”

“Shh, you’re okay,” one of the nurses soothes. “You’re going to be okay.”

Emily blinks slowly and shakes her head. “But she won’t be. She…”

The world fades to black.

---

There are tear stains on your pillowcase.

That’s the first thing Emily notices when she walks into your bedroom. She recognizes them so quickly because similar ones were on her pillows in Paris.

“Sorry, I’ve been meaning to run the sheets through the wash,” you say when you notice her looking.

“It’s okay, don’t worry about it.” She sets her bag on the bedside table, careful to jostle Sergio as little as possible. He’s in her arms, pressed against her chest and purring loudly. He definitely remembers her—she’d been a little worried that he wouldn’t.

Emily is absolutely exhausted. It has been a very long day. Doyle is dead, Declan is safe, and now all she wants to do is take a nice, hot shower and curl up in bed with you. But you haven’t been able to keep eye contact with her for more than a few moments at a time.

She expected something like this to happen. She knew once the relief of seeing her alive wore off, there was going to be a heap of more, uglier emotions surfacing.

“What’s wrong?” she asks.

You glance up at her just briefly, busying yourself with stripping off the pillowcases and replacing them with a clean set. “I don’t know what to say, Emily,” you sigh. “I just… I don’t.”

She strokes Sergio’s back a couple of times to calm herself before replying. “You can say anything. You’ve been through so much, and I… I’m not going to hold what you’re feeling against you.”

You shake your head. “I don’t want to say something I’ll regret.”

It confirms her suspicions. “(Y/N), you’re allowed to be mad at me,” she says. “Hell, you could even yell at me if you wanted to and I’d be okay with it.”

You snort. “I don’t want to yell at you. But, um, could I ask you a question?”

“Anything.”

“Okay. Well…” You shuffle from one foot to the other. “I’m… not really sure how to ask this, but, how… how did this happen?”

Your voice is hesitant. You’re holding back, but Emily can read between the lines. “You mean, how could I let you think I was dead?” she corrects softly.

You breathe in sharply and wrap your arms around yourself. Your eyes are wet when you look up at her and nod.

Emily tries not to let her next words come out too fast, lest it seem like she’s dismissing your feelings or making excuses. “I didn’t get a choice.” Her voice cracks and she clears her throat. “When I came to after surgery, the funeral had already been held.”

Your mouth drops open. You stare at her for a few seconds, then blink several times. Your eyes move around, focused on nothing in particular as you try to process what she’s just told you. Eventually, they settle on the bedroom door behind her. “I’m gonna punch his face,” you whisper.

Emily can’t stop the genuine laugh that bubbles out of her. “Yeah, Hotch heard similar things from me.”

“Oh my god, Em,” you breathe out, and her heart skips a beat at the nickname. “That must have been awful.”

“Yeah, it wasn’t fun,” she admits. “But at least I knew you were alive and that I’d see you again someday. It can’t come close to what you went through.”

You shake your head. “This isn’t the suffering Olympics. It was harder for you in some ways than it was for me, I’m sure. Like, if I was waking up after being stabbed, I’d want my girlfriend there holding my hand.”

Emily’s eyes prick with tears as she listens to you, remembering how it felt to be at the hospital without you there to hold her hand through all the scary bits. But you? You had buried her, and now you’re here considering how Emily had felt throughout all this. She’s not sure if you’re actively trying to make her fall even more in love with you, but if you are, you’re succeeding.

“I can’t promise to never be mad at you about this,” you continue, “but I’ll take being mad at you for actually being alive rather than being mad at you for dying.”

“That’s… really mature of you,” she observes.

“I started seeing a therapist a few days after the funeral,” you say with a shrug. “Can you put Sergio down and help me change the bed sheets?”

She nods and places him gently on the floor. She’s about to ask why you’re wanting to change them right now, when you’re clearly just as exhausted as she is, when she finds a tie wedged between the top and fitted sheets at the foot of the bed. She frowns as she lifts it up—it’s not one she recognizes as yours or hers, but she does think she’s seen it before.

“Oh, so that’s where that went,” you say.

“I don’t remember you having a tie like this. Is it new?”

“It’s Spencer’s,” you clarify.

“Oh. What… what’s it doing in your bed?” she asks hesitantly.

“He would stay over sometimes when I couldn’t sleep and he’s too long—“ you spread your hands apart “—for either of the couches.”

“I see.” Emily smooths out the wrinkles in the fabric and crosses the room to put it on top of the dresser, trying to tamp down the sting of jealousy. The other side of your bed is supposed to be hers.

“Nothing happened,” you say and she realizes she’s frowning.

“I know,” she replies, and she does—she just wishes it had been her in the bed with you. But you’ve at least given her a good lead-in for her surprise. “Anyways, you wouldn’t have even had the time with the amount of online Scrabble you were playing.”

Now it’s your turn to frown. “How do you know about that?”

The corner of her mouth turns up. “I was there for every game, sergio2010.”

It takes you a moment to put it together. “You’re cheetobreath?” you ask. “I thought that was JJ.”

“It was her idea,” Emily says. “And that’s what you were supposed to think.”

Your reaction delights her—you start laughing. “That’s ridiculous!”

“I had to stick it to Hotch somehow,” she defends, barely holding back her own laughter.

You shake your head fondly as you finish tucking in the fresh sheets. Emily helps you spread the comforter back over the bed and return the pillows to their spots. She isn’t sure what to do after that, though, and nervously clasps her hands in front of her. You’re silent for a few seconds, watching her from across the bed.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” you say eventually.

“Um, okay,” she replies. “But you know, I could go stay at a hotel instead if you’d prefer.”

You shake your head. “You’re gonna join me.”

“Ah.” Emily swallows, part nervous, part thrilled. “That’s… I mean, yeah. Okay.”

You hold out your hand in invitation; she circles the bed and takes it.

After, when you’re both clean and settled into bed, she pulls you as close to her as she can. “This is so nice,” you sigh into her skin. “You’re so soft, Em.”

Her eyebrows furrow. “Um, thank you?”

“Spencer’s bony,” you explain.

Emily snorts. “Yeah, I know. I fell asleep on his shoulder on the jet a few years ago and it was painful.”

You giggle. “Did you know he talks in his sleep?”

“Morgan’s mentioned it. You learn anything else when you were snuggled up with him?” she teases, running her fingers through your damp hair.

“It wasn’t like that,” you protest. “We didn’t snuggle. I’d just kind of… press my forehead on his arm and one leg against his.” Your voice lowers as you continue, “I just really missed being close to someone.”

“I did, too,” she whispers back. “I wish it had been me, but I’m glad you had him.”

You nod against her in agreement. “I love you, Emily,” you say, briefly tightening your grip on her.

“I love you, too,” she replies, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “So much.”

You drift off to sleep quickly, and she’s not far behind.

It’s the best sleep she’s had in months.

---

Spencer’s barely heard from you since the hearing last week.

He’d gotten plenty of texts from Jennifer (all of which he ignored), but only a few from you. That’s probably normal for most adult friends, but not for you two, especially so when the fact that you were the only two people not to apply for reinstatement to the BAU is taken into consideration. He thought that he’d be able to seriously talk about it with you, to share his feelings and maybe work it out together. But all he had gotten was a brief message:

Emily was reinstated, so I’m going back, too.

It left him frustrated, but when it came down to it, he understood—he was the same. Since you were going back, so was he.

On Monday morning, everyone’s first day back together, he gets off the elevator and is immediately confronted with the last person he wants to see.

“Hey, where have you been? I wanted to do brunch this weekend,” Jennifer says.

Spencer barely resists rolling his eyes, instead keeping them fixed on the file he’s holding. “I had to deal with some stuff with my mom.” It’s not a lie—he did have to check in with his mom. It just didn’t take as long as he’s implying. “Have you seen Garcia?”

“Uh, she’s with Rossi,” Jennifer answers, and she sounds startled by his behavior, but he doesn’t care. You’re at your desk, and as he passes by, he takes your arm.

“Wha—Spencer?” You’re taken aback, but you let him pull you along and into a file room.

“What?” you repeat when he turns to you after closing the door.

He tucks the file into his bag, the folds his arms over his chest. “I barely heard from you last week.”

Your eyebrows scrunch together. “Well, yeah, I’ve been busy,” you say. “Emily’s moving in with me so we’ve been taking her things out of storage and to my apartment to unpack.”

Spencer glances away, trying to ignore the stab of jealousy in his chest. Just two weeks ago, he was in your bed and he’s quickly been replaced. And sure, he knows you don’t feel that way about him, but it was easy to pretend you did when you were asleep right next to him. “Not busy enough to make a decision about work,” he points out.

“So?”

“You’re the only other one who didn’t apply for reinstatement to the unit,” he replies. “You’d think that would be something for us to talk about.”

“You never said you wanted to,” you say, giving him a little shrug.

He doesn’t resist the eye roll this time. Does Spencer know he’s being a bit unfair? Yes. Does he care? Not particularly. No one bothered to seriously check in with him last week. He wasn’t expecting everyone to, but he was expecting it from you. He’s only been at work for five minutes, but his emotions are already running high, and he doesn’t care to reign them in. “I didn’t think I’d have to.”

“You should’ve. I can’t read your mind.” Now you’re getting defensive. “And what does it matter, anyways? You’re not my boyfriend; I don’t have to run my decisions past you.”

“I know that,” he snaps. He really could have done without hearing you say that. “I’m just there to warm up your bed when you’re lonely is all, huh?”

You’re shocked for only a moment before pivoting to anger. “I didn’t make you do anything. You could’ve said no. And I certainly don’t owe you anything from it.”

“Clearly,” he mutters.

You heave an angry sigh. “Look, I know you’re mad about the whole thing, but don’t take it out on me. I don’t know why you’re so surprised that I wanted to spend the past week catching up with my girlfriend after thinking she was dead for ten weeks. If you wanted to talk, you should’ve said so. Stop being such an ass.”

Spencer doesn’t answer. You’re right, and he knows it, but that doesn’t mean he’s going to admit it. He just looks down at the floor, avoiding your glare.

When it becomes clear to you that he has no intention of responding, you mutter, “whatever” under your breath and duck behind him, walking out of the door and leaving him alone again.

---

The case has been miserable.

In rural Oklahoma, their unsub is burning his victims with acid. Not the worst they’ve seen, but not pleasant, either—this job never is.

You’re still mad at him, which is bad enough, but he’s also had to watch you be far more… touchy with Emily than you ever were before. It’s not super apparent—you still keep it professional at the local P.D. and when you’re out on work assignments, but you’re going out of your way to find any excuse to touch her that you can outside of that.

Then there’s the motel they’re staying at and its thin walls. He heard a few things last night from your room next door. It was quickly followed by shushes, but he heard enough to infer what was going on. So he’d dug his noise-canceling headphones out of his bag. It had been a good solution at the time, but then he’d fallen asleep with them on. As a result, he’d slept with his neck at an odd angle. It’s midday now and it’s still aching.

To top it all off, there’s Jennifer. He’s been trying to keep his distance from her, and had thought the snide remarks he hadn’t been able to hold back might encourage her to stay away. But she keeps pressing the issue, and when she tells him she thinks he’s mad about micro-expressions, he can’t hold it back anymore.

“You think it’s about my profiling skills? Jennifer, listen, the only reason you were able to manage my perceptions is because I trusted you. I came to your house for ten weeks in a row crying over losing a friend, and not once did you have the decency to tell me the truth.”

She protests, so he brings up Dilaudid. He knows it’s a low blow, and that she still feels guilty about them splitting up all those years ago, leading to his abduction and subsequent problem, but he doesn’t care. He just wants her to hurt like he is.

The team is staring and Emily says his name, but he just tells Jennifer that it’s too late to be sorry and leaves without another word.

Outside, he sits on the curb in front of one of the SUVs and presses the heels of his hands into his eyes, trying to calm himself down. He’s not alone for long, though. Just a few minutes later, he hears footsteps coming from behind him. The sound that involuntarily comes out of his throat can only be described as a growl.

“God, Jennifer, what do I have to do to get you to understand that I want you to leave me the fuck alone!” he nearly yells.

But it’s not Jennifer that answers. “It’s me,” you say softly.

Spencer sighs. He drops his hands from his face but doesn’t open his eyes. “What?”

“Can I sit?”

He’s not sure he wants to be around anyone, but it’s hard for him to say no to you. “Sure,” he says dully.

You join him on the curb, but keep a few feet of space between you. You don’t say anything, though, just sit quietly, letting him make the first move.

“How are you okay?” he asks eventually.

“What?” You sound incredulous. “I’m not sure where you got that idea. I’m so mad at Hotch that I can barely breathe when I’m in the same room as him.”

Spencer considers this for a moment, recalling when everyone’s been in the same room during this case. He realizes that since he’s been preoccupied with you touching Emily and trying to avoid Jennifer, he’s missed how you tense up whenever you see Hotch, and that you keep him out of your eyesight whenever possible.

“But you’re fine with Emily,” he observes. That does honestly confuse him, because he’s mad at Emily as well. And if it had been you in her place? He’s not sure he’d ever be able to forgive you, even without you knowing the way he feels about you.

“For the most part,” you say. “I still feel a little mad at her sometimes, but it helps me to remember that it wasn’t her fault.”

He finally looks at you, raising an eyebrow. “Being alive in Paris and not telling you isn’t her fault?”

“She didn’t really get a choice. When she woke up after surgery, the funeral had already happened,” you explain. “Hotch made the decision without her.”

“Hmm.” He files that information away to think over later. “And Jennifer?”

You shrug. “I can’t be too mad at her, since she did so much for me during those weeks.”

He snorts. “Yeah, out of guilt.”

“Probably, yes,” you concede. “But not having to pack up Emily’s things and take them to storage myself, feeding Sergio and bringing him to stay with me, bringing me hot meals when I was surviving off of cereal alone because I could barely get out of bed, let alone cook for myself… it went a long way.”

On the one hand, it’s a bit comforting for him to hear how Jennifer helped the woman he loves. On the other, she could have ended your pain with three words—Emily is alive—but she didn’t. She let the woman he loves suffer the pain of the loss of a partner.

And she sure didn’t bring him hot meals.

This shouldn’t surprise you, Spencer. You’ve always been the afterthought. The burden. You should be used to this by now.

He clenches the fabric of his pants in his hands. “That doesn’t make me any less angry,” he mutters.

“That’s fine.”

“You can’t expect me to just—wait, what?”

“That’s fine,” you repeat. “I’m not trying to tell you to just get over it or whatever because she was nice to me. Like Em told me, you’re allowed to be mad.”

Spencer bites his lip, resisting the urge to ask you to stop calling her Em. You’re the only one that calls her that—or rather, is allowed to call her that, and it’s obvious why. It’s also similar enough to you calling him Spence that he’ll always start comparing himself to Emily when he hears it, and he’s been trying to stop doing that for months.

“Maybe you just, I don’t know,” you continue, drawing him out of his thoughts. “You could just try to be a little less passive aggressive with JJ?”

He opens his mouth, about to flat-out refuse, but before he can, you tack on, “For me? Just a little bit?”

God damn it.

“Only if she stops bothering me,” he says bluntly.

“Yeah, she, um… she was crying when I left, so I think she’s got the message now,” you say quietly.

He feels a bit guilty upon hearing that, but not enough to apologize, or even really regret it. I told her I didn’t want to talk about it, he rationalizes to himself. She’s the one who decided to push it anyways.

After a few moments of silence, you reach out and pat his knee. “I love you, you know.”

He knows what you mean, knows that you don’t mean it like that, but his heart still skips a beat. He responds to you with a nod.

You push yourself to your feet, tell him to take all the time he needs, and you’ll see him when he’s ready to come back in, then walk away.

When he’s certain you’re out of earshot, he whispers back, “I love you, too.”

---

Emily sits down across from him on the plane, and Spencer is immediately reminded of the morning after he caught you and her together. That time, Emily had folded her hands in front of her on the table. This time, she slides something across it to him. He looks up from his book and sees his missing tie, wrinkles ironed out and folded neatly.

“It was in her bed,” she explains when his brow furrows.

Spencer wonders if that made Emily jealous.

He’s not a good enough person to not hope it did.

“Thanks,” he mutters, putting it away in his bag.

Emily’s quiet, but she doesn’t leave. She must have something else to say. He sighs. “What is it?”  

“Are you going to Rossi’s house tomorrow night?” she asks.

He looks back down to his book. “I don’t know. I’m not so sure I can make it.”

“Okay. Well, Reid, you can be mad at me for as long as you need to. I’m okay with that.”

Spencer frowns. He kind of wishes she wasn’t being so nice and understanding. It makes it harder to be upset with her, and he wants to be upset with her.

“I’d like to say something to you, though, if that’s okay,” she says.

He reluctantly looks back up. “What?”

Emily holds his gaze. “Thank you,” she says earnestly.

He blinks. “Uh, for what?”

Her voice wavers slightly with emotion as she speaks. “For looking out for her when I couldn’t.”

His eyes drift away from Emily and to the couch where you’re sleeping. “My pleasure,” he replies quietly. When he looks back at Emily, she has a curious look on her face.

For the first time, instead of panicking over keeping his secret, instead of shying away, Spencer looks right back at her. A few seconds later, he thinks he sees a flash of realization in her eyes, but it’s so quick he can’t be sure.

“Well, thank you,” she repeats, and takes her leave. He watches as she leans down and tucks the blanket closer around you. He closes his eyes, leans back in his seat, and imagines a world where he was the one adjusting it instead.

---

“You’re gonna go weeks, months even, feeling fine. And then you’re gonna have a bad day.”

Emily can barely get the hotel room door open, her hands are shaking so much. A bad day. What Hotch called it, she thinks, was a bit of an understatement.

She’s just come back from taking a witness statement to help wrap up the piano man case—or rather, she was trying to take one.

“I was told that you would only give your statement to me.”

“Why didn’t you let me pull the trigger?” Regina asks.

“Because you would be in prison.” Emily understands why Regina is mad at her, and she’s fine with taking the brunt of it. Lying to her to stop her from shooting the unsub was the right thing to do. “I know it’s hard--”

“No, you don’t. You have no idea what it’s like…” Regina pauses briefly, anger radiating off of her. “When the monster from your nightmares comes back for you.”

Emily breaks eye contact and looks down. She knows exactly what that’s like.

Regina recognizes it. “Wait--”

Redirect, redirect, redirect. “Look, I’m here as a courtesy--”

“Something happened to you.”

“So do you want to give me your statement or not?”

But Regina is relentless. “What did you do to him, huh? Did you arrest him like a good FBI agent? Or did you kill him?”

Emily sits down heavily on the spare bed, drawing your attention away from packing up your things for the flight home. “Em?”

She just shakes her head, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees and closing her eyes. “It was the right thing,” she whispers to herself. “It was the right thing. I did the right thing.”

You sit down next to her and place your hand on her back. “What happened?”

Emily swallows hard, feeling sick to her stomach. Her hair is sticking to the back of her neck; she tilts her head to try and dislodge it. You catch on and pull it to the side for her.

“Talk to me, baby,” you urge gently. “Just something, anything I can do to help.”

She takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm down enough to speak. “I—I think,” she stutters. “I th—think I just ruined a woman’s pe—peace of m—mind for good.”

You start rubbing circles on her back and ask, “How?”

“You know, when they talk about victims getting revictimized by the system, they mean you.”

Emily shudders involuntarily. “I… you know how we found the unsub with a—a victim?”

Slowly, in sentences fractured by gasping breaths, swallows to hold back the nausea, and even a few sobs, she recounts what Regina said to her.

You murmur something under your breath that she doesn’t catch, then, ever so gently, you pull her into your arms.

Emily Prentiss isn’t one to break down, not in her own home and especially not in front of others. She controls any “negative” emotions as best as she can, her feelings only displayed through a trembling voice, misty eyes, or run-down nails. Screaming, tears, and nervous gestures were not befitting of an ambassador’s daughter, after all, and those habits formed in childhood have stayed with her until this day.

But there’s one person who’s the exception. There’s one person with whom those walls just don’t seem to exist. That person, of course, is you.

You pull her into your arms, and Emily Prentiss breaks down, because she can. She can because she knows you’ll be there to help put her back together again.

“You never had a chance to mourn your own death, did you?”

She hadn’t understood what her therapist meant when she said it yesterday morning, but Emily thinks she does now. This time last year, what Regina said would have unsettled her, and she would have felt sorry for her, but she probably wouldn’t have dwelt on it much. It’s not last year, though. It’s this year, and she’s coming undone in your embrace over Regina’s words, words she knows will never leave her.

“I didn’t pull the trigger.”

“Still… your monster’s dead. I have to live with mine. That’s my statement.”

Emily has a promise to keep, so she boards the jet early. A few minutes later, Hotch slides into the seat across from her and waits. It still takes her a few moments to collect herself enough to say the words.

“I’m having a bad day.”

---

Spencer’s not sure if you’re going to be able to keep doing this job. He became very familiar with your nervous tics and outward signs of stress during those weeks, and now he can notice them almost immediately.

You seemed okay for the first few months. A few habits cropped up now and then—biting your lip, tapping each fingertip to your thumb in turn—but that was fairly normal. It’s a stressful job.

But then your bottom lip starts getting chapped again, and during conversions with anyone other than Emily, you’re quiet; you often have to be prompted to share your thoughts.

He tries to find out what’s wrong, but when he asks, you shut it down. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Okay,” he says quietly. “But, um, you probably should talk to… somebody, you know?”

You barely look up from your paperwork as you respond. “I appreciate the concern, but I’ve been seeing a therapist since this whole shitshow started. I’ve got Emily, too. If anything, I should be telling you to go talk to a professional.”

Spencer just says “okay” again, then a few minutes later he excuses himself to go hide in the bathroom and nurse his hurt feelings. He knows you weren’t trying to be mean. Flipping around the suggestion to him most certainly came from a place of love. But he’s not interested in receiving any kind of psychiatric care—he’s actively opposed to it. So being told anything of that sort upsets him and often makes him angry.

Today it’s just salt in the wound, though. The wound itself is Emily. And god, does he ever feel guilty about the resentment that crops up every time her name is in your mouth. She was dead, and every day she was gone, he wished she weren’t. He cried countless tears over her and would’ve given anything to at least be able to say goodbye.

Then the impossible happened—she came back. He didn’t have to say goodbye at all. And sure, there was the initial relief and happiness, and the warmest hug ever, but now he finds himself resenting her. He’d never wish for her to be gone again, but he can’t stop the jealousy, no matter how hard he tries.

Recently, when Emily was shot during a case in California, he held back your hair as you leaned out of the door of the SUV and threw up upon receiving the news. Spencer Reid would never deny that he’s a germaphobe, but he wants that. He wants to be the one taking care of you, the one whose shoulder you fall asleep on, the one going home with you at the end of the day.

He doesn’t want Emily gone, never, ever again, but he wants you back. Those ten weeks, as awful as they were, weren’t the worst he’s had, because during that time, you were always seeking him out. He knows you didn’t want him that way, but if Emily had really been gone, he thinks one day, that might have changed. The thought always brings tears to his eyes.

Still, he would settle for having you the way he did during the years before he fell for you. Things just haven’t been the same since Emily came back. You don’t stay up late talking anymore. You haven’t a movie night in months. You don’t ask about the books he’s reading or what he did over the weekend. This is it: this is exactly what he was afraid of happening when he found you with Emily.

Spencer doesn’t think it’s personal. He thinks it’s because you’re barely hanging on these days, and just don’t have the energy anymore to do things like you used to.

It still hurts, though. He wonders if it’ll ever stop hurting.

---

Respite can come at the strangest of times and in the oddest of ways. Today, it comes to Emily in the middle of a hostage situation at a bank, in the form of a job offer.

The team is trying to find the I.D. of the Queen of Hearts, one of the robbers, when she gets a surprise call from Clyde Easter, her old Interpol Unit Chief, who gives her the information he knows about the unsub. He doesn’t know her name, but he reminds her that she’s seen the unsub before, at a robbery in Paris while she was living there. Then when the team learns that their unsubs want to fly out to Chad, she calls him back.

“Well, unfortunately Interpol doesn’t have many assets in that particular region in Africa. Maybe that’s something you could help me with when this is over.”

Emily scoffs. “Work for Interpol again? That’ll be the day.”

“Not work, darling. Run,” he corrects. “You see, I’ve been promoted. So, the team’s yours whenever you want it.”

“It’s a hell of a time to bring that up,” she says, ignoring the questioning glances she’s getting from you, Reid, and JJ.

Clyde asks her to think about it, but there’s no time to do that now. She pushes it to the back of her mind and goes back to work.

By the time the day is over, she’s tired. Just tired. You both narrowly survive the explosion in the bank thanks to the alcove you were in, trying to help two elderly patrons. Then a mere hour later, you scare the shit out of her by finding Will strapped to an active bomb and deactivating it yourself. So Clyde’s offer doesn’t come up again until the next morning, when light is spilling through the curtains, illuminating the bedroom with a soft, warm glow.

You face each other in bed, legs twined together under the covers. “What was that about working for Interpol again?” you ask softly, tucking your arm under your head.

“Clyde was promoted,” she replies just as quietly, as to not disturb the peaceful morning feeling. “He offered me his old job. He wants me to run the London office.”

Your eyes widen. “Wow.”

“Yeah.”

“How are you feeling about that?”

Emily blows out a breath. “I’d like to at least… consider it.”

You reach out, finding her hand in the sheets and lacing your fingers between hers. “What’s stopping you?”

“I’m sure you can guess,” she replies, squeezing your hand back.

“Well, then I think you’re more than just considering it,” you say. “You wouldn’t bring it to me if you didn’t want to take the job.”

Emily thinks for a moment, then admits, “I… I do want to take it. But I have to know what you think, honestly.” She was already robbed out of making one life-changing decision without you in this past year. She has no interest in that happening again.

“Honestly?” you repeat, shifting a little. At her nod, you continue, “I think it’s a good option for us.”

“Us?” she asks, eyebrows raising.

“Yeah, us,” you affirm. “What, you think I’m just going to stay here if you move away?”

She shrugs. “I don’t know, maybe. This is the first time we’ve talked about something like this.”

“Fair point,” you say, then sigh. “We’re… both struggling here in D.C., Em. I know it and you know it. This place, this team. It used to be my home, but now, I just… it’s not like it was before.”

“You don’t trust Hotch anymore,” Emily says quietly.

You let out a small, broken chuckle. “I’ve tried. I’ve been trying so hard. I know he did what he thought he had to, but I just… I can’t.”

“It’s okay to feel that way,” she points out. She lets go of your hand to reach up and wipe away a tear that breaks your lash line. “In fact, I’d say it’s reasonable, with what you went through.”

You close your eyes and nod, putting your hand on top of hers to keep it on your cheek. “I know it’s been hard for you, too.”

“Yeah,” she sighs. “I wanted to come back, and at first, I felt like I was home. But I just can’t go back to my old life and pretend that nothing happened. The only time I feel at home now is… well, it’s when I’m alone with you, just like this.”

“Emily Prentiss, I had no idea you were such a romantic,” you say, cracking a smile.

“Oh, stop,” she says, but she’s blushing. When your giggles subside, she speaks again. “I would love for you to come to London with me. But I don’t want you to forget what you’d be leaving. There’s still a lot of good here.”

You nod. “There is. I’m just not sure it’s enough anymore,” you say softly.

“I understand. You can think about it. I don’t need an answer now.”

So you don’t give her one, not right away. But you do a few hours later. So Emily picks up her phone and dials Clyde’s number.

---

JJ’s a beautiful bride, but Spencer’s eyes keep drifting over to you. The dress you’re wearing tonight is wonderful; from the cut to the color, it suits you perfectly. But that’s not what’s really got his attention. It’s the way you’re carrying yourself. You’re smiling, and you seem truly happy, without any reservations. But there’s also a bit of sadness clinging to you, and he can’t tell what’s causing it.

The party has been going on for a while by the time he finds himself dancing with you. You’d asked him, and now you’ve steered him a little ways away from everyone else. “There’s something I have to tell you,” you say just as he’s about to ask what’s going on.

To his dismay, he doesn’t have a clue what it’s going to be. He doesn’t like not having at least an idea. He swallows, then says, “Okay.”

You can’t meet his eyes; you look down to the floor instead and watch your feet move in time together. So whatever it is, I’m not going to like it, he thinks, and his anxiety spikes. “What is it?” he asks, tightening his grip on you without really meaning to.

You take a deep breath, then look up. “Emily and I are leaving.”

His heart drops and he stops in his tracks, causing you to stumble a little over his feet. “Oh, shi—sorry,” he says. “I just—you’re leaving the BAU? But you’re still going to be in D.C., right?”

You sigh, then guide him off the dance floor and to a quiet spot not too far away. “You remember what Emily said about working for Interpol again yesterday?”

“Interpol?” he repeats, his voice pitching upwards. “You mean, like, overseas?”

“London, to be specific.”

He opens his mouth but nothing comes out. He doesn’t know what to say. Things were a little rocky between you and him when Emily came back, and for a little while afterwards, sure, but recently he’d started to feel like he had his best friend back.

Apparently he couldn’t be more wrong.

Spencer’s used to people leaving. First it was his dad, then Ethan. Elle was next, quickly followed by Gideon. JJ was forced out, and although she ended up coming back, it didn’t erase the pain he felt in her absence. And then there was everything that happened with Emily.

So, Spencer’s used to people leaving. In a way, he almost expects it.

He just wishes it would stop hurting so damn much.

What is it about me? he wonders. What is it that makes people run away? There’s clearly something wrong with--

“Hey!”

He jumps, startled out of his introspection. When his eyes refocus on you, you put your hands on your hips.

“I don’t appreciate people being mean to my best friend, you know,” you tell him seriously.

“Uh…” He blinks a few times. “I’m sorry, I don’t follow.”

“That includes him being mean to himself,” you continue. “I know what you were thinking.”

“What? No, you don’t,” he protests.

“Don’t I?” You put the tip of your finger on your chin. “Was it or was it not something along the lines of, people always leave me, why do they do that, there must be something wrong with me?”

He hates that you’re right, so he doesn’t answer, just scowls and looks away.

“It’s not true, you know.”

“Sure,” he mutters. Sure it isn’t. You’ve only just added your name to the list.

“I mean it.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Look at me.”

Spencer doesn’t, and your resulting sigh sounds so frustrated, and then he thinks, Oh, great work, Reid. (Y/N) tells you she’s leaving and what do you do? You piss her off. Honestly, it’s no wonder--

And then your hands are on his face, cradling his cheeks, and he’s too surprised to resist your gaze anymore.

“It’s not your fault, Spencer,” you say, your voice equal parts firm and gentle. “You didn’t drive me away. Not even close. There’s nothing inherently wrong with you, okay? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He sniffs, trying to hold back the sudden onslaught of emotions you’ve just caused. “Well, I could have gone without picking a fight with you on our first day back at work,” he says, sniffling again.

“What’re you tal—Spencer, that was almost a year ago.”

“Nine months.”

“Whatever. The point still stands. You’re not why I’m leaving, okay? You’re…” you trail off and he’s alarmed to see your eyes grow wet. “You’re the opposite, actually. You were the only thing keeping me here when Emily was gone. And now, you’re why it’s so hard to leave.”

“I am?” he whispers before he can think better of it.

“You are,” you affirm. “I think Emily’s actually a little worried you’re gonna talk me out of it.”

It gets a laugh out of him, but right after a little sob escapes him and he squeezes his eyes shut. When you hug him, he immediately reciprocates, wrapping his arms around your middle tightly.

“Hey, this isn’t the end, okay?” you say, and he can tell from the way your voice is trembling that you’re crying, too. “I know you like to ignore it, but we do live in the digital age, and I’ll be hounding you to talk to me at least once a week. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

“I’d certainly hope not,” he murmurs, resting his head on your shoulder.

The two of you stay like that for a while, just holding each other, trying not to cry too much. Eventually, you pull away. “Besides, it’s not like I’m leaving first thing in the morning. Our flight isn’t for another ten days. I’m gonna be around.”

Spencer nods. “Okay.”

“Okay,” you repeat, then swipe at your face, clearing away the tears. “Um, we should head back. You still owe me a dance.”

And dance with you he does, swaying gently from side to side with his hand resting on your waist. A look over your shoulder shows Emily and Derek dancing in a similar manner; judging by the way he’s holding her, she told him the news as well.

He has an eidetic memory, but Spencer makes the effort to commit this moment to his brain all the same. He wants to remember the way you’re holding him, resting your head on his chest and running your thumb over the back of his hand every so often. He wants to remember how your skin feels against his, the texture of your hair. The lighting in the backyard and the way it makes you glow. The words that you said, telling him that it’s not his fault, that nothing’s wrong with him. He’s not quite sure he believes it, but you’ve never lied to him before, so he’ll try to accept it.

The song ends, and tears threaten to fall again when you pick up your head and take a step back.

“Hey, no more crying tonight,” you say. “Because if you start crying, I’ll start crying, and I don’t want to cry any more tonight. Save it for my grand exit at the airport terminal.”

That makes him break into a smile and he’s able to blink back the tears. “Okay.”

“Do you mind if I take this dance?” It’s Emily, and she’s looking at him, head tilted in your direction.

“Oh, um.” He clears his throat. “No, um, go—go ahead.”

He passes your hand to her, and what he feels is silly. You’re not some prize to be won; you don’t belong to anyone other than yourself. But he feels like he’s passing you off to Emily, almost… entrusting you to her. The look Emily gives him makes him think she understands this.

“Wait,” you say before she can properly take you into her arms. You lean towards him and press a kiss to his cheek.

Spencer doesn’t stay around to watch you two dance. He retreats back into the house, fingertips on the spot you kissed. He lets them sit there for a moment, then forces himself to drop his hand. It’s far past time for him to try and move on. He doesn’t want you to leave, but it might be what he needs.

Maybe, just maybe, with some distance, he can begin to heal.

---

On the first day at work without you, Spencer finds a small frame on his desk. He immediately recognizes the picture inside of it—it’s the one you’d kept as your lockscreen for months, much to his dismay.

It’s a picture from the relatively early days of your friendship, well before he felt anything that wasn’t platonic towards you. You’d dragged him out on a weekend off to a nearby amusement park, because, “you can’t die without having ridden a roller coaster at least once, Spence.” He had no desire to do so, but he didn’t have any other plans, so he went along with it.

The roller coaster ended up making him vomit, and the picture is from shortly after that. You’re holding up the camera with one hand and making a peace sign with the other, smiling from ear to ear. He still looks a little queasy, only managing a small smile, but he still looks somewhat happy. And he was, that day. Other than the nausea, he’d had a lot of fun with you.

He picks up the frame and feels something on the back of it. He flips it over and finds one of his lilac colored post-it notes, displaying your handwriting.

“When it’s time to go, remember what you’re leaving. Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.”

Tears blur his vision. Doctor Who. Of course you picked Doctor Who. And you’ve written something else, too, in smaller letters:

If you don’t answer my calls at least twice a month, I’ll tell JJ you’ve been stealing from her Cheetos stash for eight years. Love ya.

He laughs out loud, a little wet giggle that he has to follow up with a sniffle. He slips the note under the frame’s felt backing to keep it safe, then rearranges his things until he settles on the perfect spot for it to sit on his desk. He retrieves a fresh sticky note and scribbles down a reminder to himself to call you when he gets home, sticking it the cover of one of his books. After all, he can’t have JJ knowing about his thievery. The team’s good at what they do, but he doesn’t think anyone would be able to find his body once JJ’s done with him.

His eyes drift back to the photograph, coming to a stop on your face. He misses you already. He even misses the ugly bits, when you’d snapped at each other, when you were crying on his shoulder. When he saw you with Emily that first time. It’s an odd mix of emotions. Longing, nostalgia, grief, happiness, safety. Belonging.

Remember the best. My friends have always been the best of me.

Spencer couldn’t agree more.

---------------

tell me what you thought here!

oh my god, i can hardly believe it’s over. there’s still going to be a small epilogue, but it’s optional. thank you, thank you, thank you, to everyone who read and supported this series and your enthusiasm for it. you’ve made me so very happy. and if you relate to spencer in this, i want you to know you’re gonna find your someone someday. if that’s what you want, i believe you’ll find it eventually. much love to all of you. 💖

series taglist: @sobereinstein , @zizzlekwum , @goldensatine , @closetedreidstan , @afuckingshituniverse , @uswntxx , @johnmulaneyslut , @90spumkin , @mcntsee , @zhuzhubii , @shadyladyperfection , @mggbler , @eva-cadeau , @esmesisle , @anothergayinthelife , @wecouldbreakthedistance , @zozoleesi , @calm-and-doctor , i think that’s everyone?? so sorry if i missed you.

[alreadyblondenow]

When December comes | Hendery

✦ Hendery x reader x Lucas ✦ Fluff, Smut, Angst, Royalty AU, Nutcracker AU ✦ 3/5 for HOLIDAY SERIES: Once Upon A December

Summary: As an adopted legitimate princess and future queen of two kingdoms, you grew up proving yourself that you deserve the role that has given to you. Nothing is simple about being an adopted princess but being arranged to marry Prince Hendery turned your life upside down.He left you, eventually. And by the time he came back to your life, you have a loving boyfriend, and Prince Hendery…. is arranged to be married to your sister now.  

Word count: 8,690k

Warnings: adopted reader (if thats triggering at any point, please click away) A lot of smut, unprotected sex, mentions of sex, swearing, mentions of other idols, fingering, mentions of rough sex, heavy cheating, major character death

A/N: PURE FICTION. This is a love triangle fic but not much focused to Lucas, more on Hendery. Inspired by a bunch of royalty movies, especially princess diaries, Nutcracker (ballet), inspired by the song Satisfied from Hamilton. Love writing for Hendery so much. Check my recent post for Hendery’s thirst photos whahaha, as per Lucas character here idk I always see him as sweet and lovable and he always knows what to do. The guy has serious good leadership skills if you haven’t’ notice and i think its sexy. I’m glad this didnt reach to 10k bc u know me i hate my works being long af haha enjoy reading mwa!

For @jeongyoonohs​ sorry it took me so long to finish this :( But this is for you! 

OPENING

Once upon a time, in a kingdom not so far away, ruled by a king and queen who can’t have a baby no matter how many times they’ve tried. The sad news spread all over the kingdom and caused chaos everywhere mainly because they were scared for the fall of their beloved kingdom.

But the king is wise. He made an alliance with the kingdom of his truest friend and together they helped each other’s kingdom by making an agreement. “I can’t have a child, but my queen and I have decided to adopt a baby girl,” the king says to his fellow king.

“And my wife is carrying a baby boy”

“It’s settled then. My adopted daughter will be arranged with your son, and someday be married to each other” They shook hands and made the agreement official by sealing it with their signatures and royal seals in front of their queens.

The kingdom that lost their trust with their king is now calmed relieved after hearing the great news of the two kingdoms having an alliance. And to fully earned their trust again, they searched far and wide for a baby girl that will soon be the future of their kingdom.

“And that baby girl is you my darling” your grandfather finishes his bedtime story to you. Caging you in his strong arms, cradling you like you’re truly related by blood. “Grow up as a fine woman and save this kingdom” he added. You embraced your grandfather back and smiled so sweetly at him, tracing his handsome features… then you remembered.

“Tell me the story about the Nutcracker prince,” you singsong to him. He doesn’t tell you the original story, but instead, he always tells you his version and it’s always better. His embrace became tighter, then he looked at his expensive watch to check how many minutes does he have left.

“Okay. I only have a few minutes left, princess” He started by introducing the Nutcracker prince to you which is actually magical because even though you’ve heard of this so many times it never gets old and you’re always excited to hear it again.

He described the prince as a soldier like him, but a younger version he says with a giggle. And that Nutcracker slash prince slash soldier is made specifically for you so that one day, the two of you can rule two kingdoms all at once. “Why do I need a prince?” you pout, and your grandfather is startled by your question.

“Well, jeez, I don’t know. I’m sure you can still be a fine queen without a prince, right?” he says while tucking you in and preparing you for bed. “But let’s just say that princesses like you need a proper man like the Nutcracker because… grandfather will not always be by your side” of course he can’t mention death to you, no, you’re too young to know about these things. So he kissed you goodnight on your forehead and promise to see you early in the morning again.

Growing up as an adopted princess was never easy because the eyes of a judging kingdom have always been against you and your family. That’s why as you grow up, you swore to yourself that you will prove them wrong and that you are the future of this kingdom. At a very young age, you made your parents proud of your gift of leadership and continue to make them proud by doing great in school.

Until one day, the queen finally got pregnant.

The kingdom became so busy about the queen’s pregnancy and literally, every person is excited about your baby sister. You were only nine years old and you were innocent as you can be so you don’t know that the attention is slowly shifting to your baby sister. You didn’t mind of course, again, you were just a kid. But as you grew older and older you can finally foresee a life behind the shadow of your baby sister. The real princess. It’s like she took everything from you… but whenever you remember that you’re adopted, it seems like she’s just taking what’s originally hers in the first place.  

Today is your thirteenth birthday and you celebrated it with your grandfather in an amusement park. He is the only person left in your life who can see you as a rare gem and you’re thankful for him. As you walked around the busy park, with a few bodyguards on your sides, you and your grandfather laugh and laugh while you’re eating hotdogs on a stick.

“Your father told me that you refused to have a ball for your thirteenth birthday? Why?” he asked while enjoying his food.

“I’m not a real princess grandfather, I don’t deserve a ball. And besides, riding that scary rollercoaster is better than dancing with a bunch of princes whom I don’t know in the first place, and playing dress-up the whole night”

“Hmm. Don’t you say that you’re not a real princess, there was a Y/n before your baby sister. And the kingdom is still looking forward with you ruling us someday because you’re older than your sister and you’re still a legi-“

“timate daughter, I know, I understand grandfather thank you for reminding me” you wiped the ketchup on his lips and smiled at him, “What will I do without you? I hope that my Nutcracker prince is exactly like you. Wise and strong”

“Don’t worry about that darling, you’re still young, and I’m still here” he giggles and walks you towards that scary rollercoaster ride.

ACT 1

Things slowly change around the castle and you learned to distant yourself from your parents but not forgetting your duty as a first born and legitimate adopted daughter of the king and queen. And as you enter royal high school, you thought that your life will get uglier but no. Surprisingly, school made you feel alive and less of a princess and more like a future leader.

But most importantly, you finally met your Nutcracker. Prince Hendery.

Usually, prince and princesses meet for the first time during a royal ball, soiree, or a simple lunch at the palace’s garden grounds. But you and Prince Hendery, met in the school hallway for the first first time. It is as if your whole world slowed down, every student walked in slow motion while you and Hendery locked eyes on each other. And the best part is, he did not know that you’re the princess who’s meant to be forever with him.

At first, you don’t talk to each other and just simply exchange smiles and glances from time to time whenever you cross paths in the hallway, eating at the cafeteria, or ‘reading’ at the library. You thought it wasn’t fair that you know everything about him but he doesn’t even know what you look like.

“You know I’ve been flirting with this princess for months already, do you know her name?” Hendery whispers at his fellow prince, Xiaojun, and told him to take a look at where you’re seated. Xiaojun then scoffed at his friend and playfully slapped Hendery’s face knowing that he is completely clueless about who you are.

“I don’t know if you’re always going to be this dumb, you’re going to be a king someday. Anyway, that princess is Y/n. The Y/n” and that is all it takes to make Hendery realize that he has been flirting with his soulmate for weeks now.

From there on the prince has become bold with his gestures. Sitting with you during breaks, even flirting with you in front of your friends and his friends. Prince Hendery has the most beautiful smile you have ever seen, hair is black and soft and you bet it smells good either, he was tall but just right for your height. Not only he was perfectly handsome, but he is a gentleman too. In other words, everything about him screams prince charming.  

You and prince Hendery were the talk of royal school. Everyone knew about your arrangement and the alliance of your kingdoms. You even hear people talk on the hallways that you’re literally made for each other that’s why everyone envied you.

“Let’s grow up first, okay?” Hendery says, giving you a single rose during your school’s Valentine event. A simple gesture that says there's no need to rush on being in a relationship and make everything official between the two of you but also, it was a subtle move to show everyone that you already belong to each other so there should be no competition.

You fell in love with each other from a distance, not rushing through love, taking your time, and enjoying your youth because you have a lifetime together. Although, Hendery likes reminding everyone that you’re his in the most subtle way, may it be hugging you in public, kissing your cheek before you go home, and smiling your way whenever he sees you around the school.

From freshman year until your senior year, you and Hendery waited until you’re both legal of age to finally make it official. The news was all over the TV, tabloids, articles, and magazines that you’re in love with each other. It was a cute high school sweethearts story and every day was perfect.

Senior year just started and you and Hendery decided to study together but the planned study session became a make out session, giggling and cuddling in his bed while still wearing your uniforms. The prince was looking at you, admiring your pretty face touching your features softly then suddenly he noticed that he can almost see your breast. He looked away, of course. And covered his head with one of his pillows as he groans in frustration.

“What? Why?” you asked, completely clueless. He didn’t answer you, instead, he covers your exposed skin with a small pillow. “Oh shit, I’m sorry” you apologized immediately and became shy like him too.

“It’s okay. If I’m being honest I wanted to touch you but, I knew better than that. Can we promise to be each other’s first and last?”

“You mean sex?”

“Exactly, sex”

“Only if we seal it with a kiss,” you bite back in a flirty tone, looking at his pink lips that are slowly coming closer to you. When your lips touched, you returned the kiss and swing your arms around his neck, situating him accidentally in between your legs. Skirt lifted and all. Your bodies are becoming warm in an instant and you both know you need to stop before you make wrong decisions.

“How's that for a promise? Let’s get married when we grow older and have sex every day” he bit the shell of your ear, making you giggle and laugh with him. Being this horny with each other is normal, you thought. You are both young and full of passion, and it amazes you how Hendery wanted to wait until you get married and be kings and queens.

Senior year is perfect. Every day.

Until one day, Hendery’s father died and he stopped coming to school. You hear different kinds of gossip every day. 'Is he a king now? That's why he's not coming to school?', 'School is boring for king Hendery now', 'Are they gonna be married soon?', 'Are they even ready to rule yet?'. Again, you were the talk of the nation. The headline ‘Prince Hendery left Princess Y/n’ was everywhere and you can't do anything about it. You weren’t hurt that he left everything, you were more worried because maybe he’s all alone and grieving. You wanted to ask his family but you respect their privacy.

“So he just left?” you told your grandfather everything. He just came back from his cruise around the world and you’re happy to see his visible tan lines, for sure he had a great time.

“Yep, just like that grandfather,” you walk shoulder to shoulder around the palace’s garden, looking at the flowers and harvesting some fruits.

“Well, I’m sure he had his reasons. Just stretch your patience my darling, you know what they say, love is patience” he pats your hand before picking a lemon. “Enough about the prince, I heard you are making quite an impression now. The king is beyond impressed” he was talking about your win, elected student body president. Apparently, it’s a big deal for your father, because, during his stay in royal school, he was elected as president too.

“I didn’t try too much, I think I won because of my popularity and not because of my leadership skills” you once again doubted yourself but of course, your grandfather is here to straighten you up.

“Show them you’re both. Popular and a great leader”

It was always a good talk with your grandfather, but whenever you remember that Hendery is not with you anymore it automatically makes you sad. You missed him. So much.  

ACT 2

But even though you missed Hendery and it’s like he took a part of your heart and brought it with him, life goes on. You faced Senior year and showed everyone your perfect smiles like nothing is bothering you. But at night, when you’re all alone, you just can’t help but look at your pictures with Hendery on your phone and miss him.

Life goes on.

With or without your prince.

You studied day and night, kept your eyes on the prize, and busy yourself until your heart is finally healed. You waited for him of course, you waited long and hard but you can’t wait forever.

As you continue to know yourself, get involved with a lot of organizations in college, your journey has become even more thrilling when you met Lucas. He’s not royalty nor does he came from a rich family, he’s “just a man who’s brave enough to ask a princess on a date” his exact words.

Lucas is a whole new adventure to you. He’s the epitome of new things and new experiences. But your favorite thing about Lucas is, he can make you forget that you’re a princess even just for a few hours. He made you happy every day because he never forgets to tell you that being happy is the most important thing in this world. He loves you with every part of his being. And he’s ready to face your world and be with you in every step until you become queen.

“N-no I don’t want to be king. I can be your butler and still love you for all I care” he covers your naked body while you both come down from your highs. Tonight is one of those nights that you can be with Lucas without having your bodyguard. He was praising you during sex, calling you ‘princess’ or ‘my queen’ whenever he thrust and pushes you on the edge, so you asked him a stupid question if he wants to be king. “I just want to be with you, people may see me as a gold digger once the news that you have a commoner boyfriend comes out, but we both know that’s not true right?”

“Of course, not” you embraced him and apologized for the question, hiding your face on his chest. You feel his big hands caress your back to comfort you and soon plant kisses on your temple. He’s always sweet and gentle like this. If only people would see the kind of person Lucas truly is.

“But what if he comes back? What will happen to us?” he was talking about Hendery. When Lucas knew that you’re arranged to be married to Hendery, he didn’t take it lightly. He was mad but not to you. You didn’t talk for weeks and you’re both heartbroken, but Lucas realized that it's better to love you fiercely now than waste his time worrying about the future.

“I will talk to my father, don’t worry about that. Wong Yukhei don’t you trust me?” you kissed his chest to put him back in the mood and change the subject. Of course, he can’t say no to you.  

After getting your degree in college, you started working for the king and queen, spearheading foundations, and knowing the kingdoms that you’re going to rule someday. Remember when you thought your parents will forget about your existence because they had your sister? Well, that didn’t happen. Your parents were proud of everything you’ve achieved and they wanted your sister to follow in your footsteps.

Slowly, you proved to them that you don’t need a king to rule this kingdom. Introducing Lucas to your parents did not go well at first but eventually, they saw that you and Lucas are happy with each other despite having different worlds.

Still, they want to keep your relationship hidden.

It’s Christmas Eve and you’re all dressed up right now, ready to shake a lot of hands and dance with a bunch of princes and dukes and god know what else but you can’t help but take care of a few things before you enjoy this night. You were signing some last minutes contracts and reading proposals when you heard a soft knock from your door, “S-sorry. Come in” you see your boyfriend dressed up in a tux, looking so handsome. He smiled at you before he enters and closed the door behind him, “well you look dashing” you put your pen down and crossed your arms.

“I’m here to pick you up your majesty, the guests are waiting downstairs and your grandfather-“

“Oh he’s here! Perfect!” you exclaimed and express your excitement upon hearing that your grandfather is here. You haven’t seen him for a very long time and you have lots of stories to tell him. “Oh shit- by the way. Lucas, uhm… Can you zip my dress, I forgot I unzip it because it was uncomfortable. Stupid ball gowns” you said, turning your back to Lucas and waiting for him to take care of your zipper. But before he zips you up, he kisses your exposed shoulders and massaged them.

“Don’t forget to have fun tonight okay? I’ll be watching you like a hawk the whole night- well actually, not you. The men that will dance with you tonight” Because Lucas has no rank or title, he can’t earn a dance with you because it’s against the conditions that your father gave.

“All done your majesty,” he says and stepped back to open the door for you.

Every Christmas Eve, throwing an extravagant ball has been your family’s tradition for centuries. It is known by royalties across the globe and this fancy Christmas party is actually part of your kingdom’s history. Different respective kings, beautiful queens, annoying princes and princesses, dukes and duchess are invited and all are here not only to have fun but also here to talk business with you.

The night goes on, dancing with a few guests before you meet and spend some time with your grandfather. You wanted to whine and complain to your assistant but she’s just doing her job so you shrugged it off. “How many more left?” you asked while waiting for the next Prince to ask to dance, “two more your majesty. Your grandfather is next after this” you smiled and thanked her, giving a bow to the next prince who’s about to dance with you. And the moment you lift your head to meet his eyes, you thought you were dreaming.

For a moment you forgot proper princess etiquette and gave Hendery a tight hug, shocking everyone at your behavior but they’re even more shocked about Hendery’s appearance. ‘The son of the dead king has finally shown himself’ you hear everyone murmur around you but you don’t care. You smiled so big seeing that handsome face again. He kissed your hand and asked you to dance which you accepted gladly, now that Hendery is back and you’re all dressed up wearing your tiara, you feel like a real princess finally meeting his prince in a storybook.

“Where have you been?” you whispered to him.

“I’m sorry I left you like that, I was devastated” he whispers back as you two dance in the middle of the ballroom with the other royalties, trying so hard to hide the excitement. While you were dancing with Hendery, you remember that handsome smile that made your knees weak, his sweet gestures to prove his feelings for you, and your promises to each other.

Is it really true that first love never dies or your love for Hendery was just too strong that it never died?

When Hendery was about to hand you over to your grandfather, your father and mother came out of nowhere with your younger sister on their side. Is it because they’re happy to see Hendery too? Or are they going to press you regarding the arranged marriage again? You cling to your grandfather as you get nervous but careful not to show it. “Ah! Hendery welcome back! How was your time in the army, good?” your father exclaims. So all this time he knew where Hendery is.

“I had a hard time your highness, but I made it back in one piece” Hendery answered and made a small joke that made you all giggle and let out a small laugh. Oh you missed him.

“Hendery, I want you to meet Y/n’s younger sister” you watch him kiss your sister’s hand, “and also your future bride to be”

You were completely taken aback by what you just heard and the words that came into your head were, ‘I thought you were mine’ but you didn’t speak your mind and listened further to what your father is saying. But as you listen more, you feel like your dress was becoming tighter and tighter in every second that you can’t breathe anymore. “She will be your queen in your kingdom, and Y/n will be an independent queen here” your father explained proudly.

“But she’s too young” you pointed at your sister but you see how your sister’s eyes are sparkling. Too late. You thought. You watch her be charmed by Hendery’s visuals, that damn smile captured your sister’s heart in an instant.

“Hendery can wait until his bride is in the right age to be married, right son?”

“Of course your highness, it’s my duty” he answered confidently.

After the unexpected talk, you excused yourself, went to your room, and breathed outside on your balcony. You can’t forget your sister’s face as she looks at the man you used to kiss and you used to love. She has no idea what controversy she will face in the future, she is so young and blinded by infatuation…Or maybe you’re being like this because you’re jealous.

“Believe me I’m just as shock as you are”

A familiar voice made your heart race and your body stiffen in no time. You turned around secretly hoped that you’re wrong, but you will never forget his voice and also how his mere presence makes your heart excited. “How did you get in here?”

You hear him scoff and stood behind you, “We used to make out a lot in your room-and mine too of course. I still remember the way to your room by heart” he looked up the stars to stop himself from looking at you. You looked so beautiful tonight that he can’t stop blushing and admiring you.

You were silent. Mainly because you don’t know what to say and you’re not sure what to feel either.

“It’s going to be fine” with all his courage he tried hugging you like how he used to when you were only teenagers. But you pushed him away and stepped away from him. Hendery felt a slight pang in his heart, he never thought that you could do that to him.

“Were not together now don’t you get it? You were gone for years Hendery, a lot has changed”

“You’re hurting me, this is not our fault we love each other what's wrong with that” he reasons out, trying to lower his voice because someone might hear him.

“Loved. Past tense. My sister likes you and you are arranged to be married to her Hendery” you close your eyes as you remember what happened again earlier.  

“If I have known that life will take you away from me, I shouldn’t have wasted my time and showered you with love and affection when we were young”

With a heavy heart, your first love left you in the cold night with a confused mind.

ACT 3

To make it up with your grandfather, you spend Christmas morning with him while drinking tea by the palace garden and telling him numerous stories about Lucas…and also your talk about Hendery last night.

“Don’t do something stupid that your future self with regret” he says, stirring his coffee and chewing his bread with jam. He was talking about cheating, he didn’t tell you exactly but you get it. “Did you tell your boyfriend already about what you felt upon hearing your sister’s engagement?” You shook your head and see your grandfather get disappointed but he understands that everything that’s happening now is not easy for you.

“He’s away, for now, left first thing in the morning to go to Hong Kong for his family” you felt hopeless again.

“Oh everything will be fine. I’m sure he will understand, that man is wise. I’m rooting for him” he says like Lucas is his son.

“What- really not Hendery?” you let out a laugh because your grandfather is cute.

“Nope. Now, don’t ask me why. Figure it out yourself” he winks and continues to eat his breakfast.

As days go by without Lucas, you and Hendery continue to meet each other accidentally whenever he visits your sister. You’re a busy woman, but your mind seems to have time to think whether they kissed already, hold hands, or admitted their feelings to each other if there's any.

You saw flowers on your way to your office and you thought that maybe it's for your sister, from Hendery and you can’t help but to get envious and jealous. He used to give you flowers back when you were in high school and now… he’s doing it to your sister too.

While you were reviewing proposals, you got a phone call from your personal phone and it's Lucas which you’re very excited to answer. “Hey” you singsong, putting the phone between your ear and neck while you continue to scan through papers.

“I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch, everything okay back there?”

No. You wanted to tell him that you’ve been having these weird feelings towards Hendery. “No, baby. Everything’s fine, I’m working now… As usual- how's everyone there?”

“They miss you. They wanted you to visit next year” he says, breathing deeply before he continues. “Listen, I want to stay here for a little longer. I miss them too you know-“

“And it’s fine! Baby, I understand. You’ve done so much for me already, go and be with your family” you felt guilty for caging Lucas in your country. Even though he’s the one who wanted to stay here, still. You can feel that he’s homesick sometimes.

After working in your office, you went straight to your room and purposely skipped dinner because you knew that Hendery is still here. When you opened your door, the same flowers that you thought Hendery gave to your sister is sitting on your coffee table with a small envelope that has your name on it.

Dear Y/n,

Back when we were in high school, I gave you a single rose for Valentine's day and I told you, “Let’s grow up first”

Now that we're all grown up, and still obviously madly in love with each other, I will not hold myself back from loving you. Not anymore.

I’m sorry for leaving, please give me a chance and meet me at the back of the palace at midnight. I’ll be waiting.

H.

Bold of him to think that you’re still madly in love with him. How can he say that?

You look at the letter as you grow weak and let yourself flop on your couch, face first and still undecided if you’re going. Frustrated and guilty, that’s what you’re feeling ring now. Frustrated because you don’t know what to follow, your heart or your mind. Guilty because your heart says you should go.

At the end of the day, you find yourself walking in the dark on your way to the back of the castle to meet Hendery. Hugging yourself as you cling more in your thin cardigan, trying to keep yourself warm as you feel your heartbeat faster by every second you come closer to the meeting spot. You see Hendery at the back of a thick tree, face illuminated because of his phone screen. “Oh you’re here. Sorry I was about to ring your phone” he admitted.

“Why am I here? What do you want?” You asked in the softest way possible. He saw that you’re shivering and invited you to go around the tree. There you see a blanket and small pillows and the lake was perfectly lit by the moon. What a beautiful view. And while you were admiring the view, you feel him place his jacket around you and motions you to sit on the ground with him.

“Please for once let’s pretend I didn’t leave you. I didn’t want my father to die, I didn’t expect our kingdom to suffer. And you’re the only good thing that’s left to me. So please”

You looked at him for a second that soon turned into minutes. You bit your lower lip and you remember that you weren’t mad at him for leaving, so why are you mad at him now?

Slowly, you accepted the warmth that he offered and sat close to him, sharing the blanket and keeping you close. “You’re here to hear me apologize sincerely” he gulps before he starts talking and explaining why he left, looking into your eyes so you know he’s telling you the truth. He told you that his father’s last will is for him to join the army and to be a soldier because in his father’s eyes he’s not yet ready to be a young king so he didn’t have a choice but to leave.

You were heartbroken while hearing his part. “I was never mad at you for leaving. I was worried about you”

He smiled sweetly at you. The kind of smile that makes your body warm and heart flutter, he pulled you close and you let him. “I know. Mother told me you were looking for me, but she can’t tell you anything. I told her I’m the one who should tell you someday. I’m sorry” he embraced you tightly, his cheeks resting on your shoulders. And right then and there everything is clear to you. You still have feelings for him.

“What are we gonna do now? My sister, Lucas” you asked him as you rake away strands of hair from his face.

“I’m not in love with your sister” he admitted without hesitation.

“But I love Lucas” there’s that guilty feeling again. You feel your heart breaking for Lucas, he doesn’t deserve being cheated on like this.

“I thought you were mine” he whispers. And even if it's a whisper the hurt was obvious from the sound of his voice. He didn’t see it coming. He didn’t think that this will be more complicated than he imagined.

“Funny. I thought the same thing when my father told us you're enggaged to my sister” you admitted and scoffed.

“Give me a chance to win you back. And if you're not coming back to me, just let me be with you for a little longer. I beg you”

There was a moment of silence and Hendery understands that you needed that silence to think, “Okay” you said. And saying ‘okay’ never felt so wrong. You cupped his face and tried to turn this moment around, “what's it like to be away from home?”

“Sad. I think of you every day and of course my family but they get to see me but you... not even a picture just our memories in my head”

Now that Hendery is a prince slash soldier, you remember the Nutcracker story your grandfather used to tell you for bedtime. That’s when you realized that you and Hendery are truly made for each other.

But you have Lucas...

As your night with Hendery continues and makes up for lost time, the emotional reunion turned to giggles and laughs when your time together has ended. He invited you over to his own house for a date since he can’t take you out like he used to, and reminded you that you gave him a chance to win you back, and thanked you.

On the next day, your mind was blanked. You can’t believe that you’re cheating on Lucas and have been refusing to answer his calls.

Days went on like this until you’re not awkward with Hendery anymore and you’re comfortable again around him. He showered you with love, you accept it wholeheartedly. Every day was sweet with Hendery even though you’re both aware of the future consequences but no one seems to care for now.

You go to his place and spend time with each other, whether talking the whole night and telling each other stories, him making you giggle and laugh with your legs on top of his thighs while you both sit on his couch enjoying a glass of wine or whenever you’re busy reading something or you brought a little work at his place and he can easily take your stress away by making you laugh.

Today, you came early and decided to cook for him and have dinner together. You don’t know but Hendery is leaning on the door frame of his kitchen with a flower in his hand, watching you chop some peppers in his kitchen. He felt like he finally won you back. Just seeing you hum while you prepare dinner makes his heart so happy. He then walked slowly and hugged you from behind, resting chin at the top of your shoulders, and showed you the flowers he has for you.

You smiled so big, dropping the knife on the chopping board and turning around to give him a kiss.

That’s your first kiss again.

He was shocked but you did it again. You realized he was trying so hard that he’s slowly being successful in winning you back and you’re actually scared of the future but he makes you happy.

“What? It’s not like we haven’t kissed before” you touched his lips and felt his embrace tightens every second. “Dinner in 30 minutes” you smiled and went back to finish chopping the peppers and finding a nice vase for the flowers he gave.

After dinner, a few glasses of wine, cheese, and grapes, you and Hendery are buzzed and talking about work as prince and princesses while enjoying the view from his couch. The lights are turned down low and you didn’t even notice at first but the mood has been making you horny even though your topic was stressful and your minds are clouded with alcohol. You don’t know what came into your head but you sat on his lap with lidded eyes, touching his body feeling his hard rocked abs through his white dress shirt.

He giggles and laughed at you. He’s so fucking handsome when he does that. “Seriously you have to stop you will embarrass yourself in the next morning,” he told you to stop but he fixed the way he sits and made sure you were comfortable on top of him. He teased you more, smiling so handsomely and making your heart flutter.

“I'm not that drunk just buzzed. Want me to prove it?” You challenged with a flirty tone that turns him on.

“Mhmm. Okay,” he tilts his head and waited for this proof you were saying.

“I still remember how we sealed our promises with a kiss. Like that day when we promised to be each other’s first and last” your fingers went up to his hair, ruffling his soft black hair and massaging his scalp.

You don’t know what happened but the mood changes and he’s avoiding your eyes. ”I’m sorry,” he says.

“No no don’t be, you’re here now make it up to me” you kissed his neck while he gets drunk even more because of your kisses. Your hands are placed on his neck like you’re telling him you still belong to each other, rolling your hips slowly to make him horny as much as you are.

“Did you have sex with anyone already?” his question made you stop what you’re doing to him and pulling away from the kiss to look at him, you thought he didn’t like what’s happening. But to your surprise his lips went to your neck, kissing you softly but full of lust. You feel his warm tongue just below your jaw and it felt great.

“Lucas, how about you?” You moaned out, shamefully.

Usually, his heart will hurt whenever you mention Lucas, but he’s the one kissing you now. So instead of getting hurt, he smirked. “A couple of girls. Life can be stressful I need an adult stress release. Any kinks?”

“Not that I know of? You?”

He stopped and looked at you to tell you the story. “Well remember when we were making out and I accidentally saw your breasts?” you nod at him, “I think I developed some kind of breast kink and I always imagine that I’m having sex with you instead of a stranger” he admitted and looked at you clothed breast right now. “That's how much I miss you” he placed a gentle kiss on your lips and went back to leaning comfortably on the couch. He got shy but he can’t stop looking at you.

To be honest your heart swells knowing that he desperately wants you like that. As quickly as you can, you untuck your blouse and removed it in front of the prince. “You can experience the real thing tonight “ you intertwine your hand with his and slowly placed it on your breast.

Breathing heavily. Both of you. You’re like teenagers who are just about to have sex for the first time.

He sat up to meet your lips and kiss you the way you deserved to be kissed, slowly you feel his hand travel to your back to unclasp your bra. You removed and fed his lust, revealing your breast to him for the first time. Hendery was so nervous that his hands are shaking when he removed strands of hair away from your face and held you on your shoulders, slowly he lowered your body on his and started kissing your collar bones and chest before he proceeds to your breast.

It was quiet and all he can hear is your moans and the sound of his wet kisses. You wanted to tell him that his lips feel great against your skin, and simply tell him to fuck you already. When his mouth finally reached your hard nipples and bit them softly, you parted your lips and your arms swings around him and push his head to your breast even more. You noticed he knows how to use his tongue, you figured he has been doing this to someone else for years and years while the whole truth is he always wanted to do it to you. The way he flicked his tongue brings you back to reality and when he sucks your nipples good your grip on his hair tightens and when that happens he bites your nipples again to make you shiver. This man is good.  

He placed his hands just below your boob area to hold you still while he does whatever he wants to your breast. Sucking, pinching, bitting, and kneading. Everything felt good and your moans are good proof. With his strength, he got up from the couch and carried you to his room while you kiss with lust. He lay you down on his king-sized bed and kissed your body down while unbuttoning your pants and pulling them down until you’re only wearing your panties. Hendery then unbuttoned his dress shirt in between your spread legs, kneeling in front of you, stripping until he’s only wearing his boxers briefs. He situates his body on top of you grinding on your clothed private parts, hands all over each other’s body. He then went back to kissing your nipples and sucking them but little did you know Hendery is just distracting you while his hands are slowly coming down inside your panties.

With a great shock, you closed your eyes and parted your lips as you feel Hendery’s cold fingers slide up and down on your wet slit while his mouth is still sucking your nipples. It was a whirlwind of feelings, everything felt good, and seeing Hendery enjoy turns you on too. By the time you had your first orgasm, shaking and body so sensitive with swollen nipples, Hendery was kissing you softly and asking you in the most innocent way if you’re okay. The sound of his giggles makes you calm, the way he whispers soft praises beside your ear while his hands roam freely around your body. Truth is he’s genuinely happy right at this moment because he doesn’t need to imagine anymore.

He went back to kissing your body down until he reaches your wet core and licks it up and down for a while before he lines his cock. In between your widely spread legs, you watch Hendery lick you good and feel him moan from time to time. “Hendery” you called him, kneeling in between your legs in an instant, flashing his beautiful body to you. His skin is flawless, strong arms, perfect abs, and of course, fucking beautiful smile. Everything about him makes you weak right now that you just opened your legs, reach for hard cock, and line it to your entrance yourself. “Woah” he giggled and stopped you, “Okay calm down, I’ll fuck you good I promise” he pumped his cock in front of you and lines it immediately just how you want it and slowly enters you. He wasn’t big like Lucas but he kept his promise, he fucked you good.

So good that you asked for more as you grip his Egyptian cotton sheets and let your body be dragged with every hard thrust he give you.

So good that you asked him to go slower because you don’t want it to end yet.

So good that you asked him to cum inside you and asked for another round.

On your third orgasm, your hole is dripping with mixes of your cum and Hendery’s while the handsome prince is kissing your neck as you come down from your high. “I love you” he whispers but he was too late, you were sleeping soundly already, arms wrapped around his neck. He smiled and kissed you one last time before he pulls out and cleans you up.

He didn’t sleep that night, he just watched you sleep beside him. Let you cling to him in the middle of the night, watch you roll in his bed and expose your body, but of course, he’s quick to cover you again. And when the time comes, he wakes you with kisses on your shoulders, embracing you tightly and kissing you more.

“Wake up” you hear him whisper and you try to open your eyes the moment he told you so. You see his window, it was still dark so you closed your eyes again. “Want to watch the sunrise with me? You’re going to love it” he went down from his bed and opened his curtains so you can have a full view of the sky while you enjoy your comfort in his bed. You sat up and waited for him to join you again and stay warm together. Slowly, you see how the sky became pitch black to deep blue to light blue until you can see the pretty view outside his house. It was calming. He was holding your hand the whole time.

After watching the sunrise with him he fell asleep while holding your hand and you think he’s cute for having a tight grip even though he’s sleeping. While he was sleeping, it’s now your turn to admire his handsome features and watch him sleep before you start your day and make breakfast.

You hate to admit it but it looks like he has completely won you over.

“You look good in my dress shirt” he greets you good morning and kissed you on your temple while you set the table. You feel his hands in your hips, slowly coming down to your butt, and realized that you’re only wearing his dress shirt and thin panties. He still can’t believe that this is all happening, “are you real?” He whispers.

“Yes. Now come on, I have a meeting with the parliament. Need to go home and get ready” you eat some fruits as you scan your schedule for the day and there you see it and completely missed it.

Lucas went home last night. And you left your personal phone in your car. Fuck you said to yourself but didn’t show it to Hendery.

Leaving this morning became harder than you expected and you spent a total of 20 minutes kissing and flirting with Hendery before you finally open the door.

You went on with your day and made an excuse to Lucas as to why you didn’t pick him up at the airport last night. You were at your office with stacks and stacks of paper works and you weren’t even acting stressed when he came in because you were indeed stressed with everything.

“Oh baby, I’m really sorry” you greet him with a kiss and left everything on your desk. Lucas saw how stressed you are so he understood immediately and didn’t even bother asking. “You’re coming home to me tonight right? I missed you” he added and pouted like the big baby that he is.

“Uh-huh. Of course yes, I’m all yours” you smiled and he hugged you so tight before he leaves you to work again.

“Of course. You’re always mine” he said and kissed you goodbye.

The nights are cold for Hendery when Lucas got back because he can’t get a hold of you. No text, no call, no email. No nothing. And once again, he was heartbroken and he felt like he’s losing you again.

When he visited your sister a week since the last time he saw you, Hendery saw you with Lucas and didn’t even think of taking another glance. He had all these emotions ball up in his chest and he needed to release them.

“Hey, I didn’t know you were visiting today” your sister was surprised and invited him into her room. When she turned your back at him, he saw your figure in your sister. He’s back to imagining girls to be you, he’s back to that sick habit of his. But he can't help it. Effortlessly, he flirted with your sister, and surprisingly your sister was horny. Very horny for Hendery. One thing led to another and the next thing he knows he’s fucking her hard from behind kissing her shoulders and imagining that it’s you.

“What’s that noise” you murmur to Lucas while you were having a nap with him. Lucas giggled and whispered back, “I think Prince Hendery paid her a visit and... you know...” he was giggling and keeping you close to him as he went back to his nap, completely clueless that you’re hurting.

Everything that you and Hendery built from the past few days falls down when you came to his house and had your first fight.

ACT 4

“You didn’t call! Or texted that he’s already back you just left me hanging!”

“And that’s a good reason to fuck my sister?”

“It just happened!”

“Bullshit!” You shouted back. Louder than before, completely overpowering his shouts. With all his bravery, he got you a glass of water, came closer to you, and caressed your shoulders to keep you calm.

“I fucked up and I’m sorry, please,” he says sincerely.

Then you realized something.

“You don’t have to say sorry to me. It’s okay if you and my sister fucked because someday you will be married to each other. Were the ones cheating”

He listened to every word you said and begged you to take it back because he’s losing you again. When you finally said, “let’s end this Hendery. Do you want to have more fights like this in the future? What will you feel if I tell you that me and Lucas fucked last night-“

It was like thunder, disturbing the silence of his quiet house when he grabbed the glass of water and threw it in one corner.

“Exactly my point. We don’t belong to each other anymore. I’m sorry”

“Y/n. Please-“ he begged once again but you just repeated everything you said and left him.

The end.

It was the end of your story with Hendery.

But just as you thought that you’re done handling one heartbreak for the day, you’re wrong. Lucas called to tell you the news that your grandfather had a heart attack and was rushed to the hospital.

After everything that happened on that day, you never made peace with Hendery and never talked to him again. Lucas saw you at your lowest and took care of you every day after the funeral and never left your side.

Months passed by quickly and Hendery is staying in your palace as per your sister’s request and continue to ignore each other for safety. Sometimes you greet each other for formality but never as friends and as past lovers. Lucas is not stupid to not see what’s happening.

Two months before your coronation day, you were sitting on your throne with your leg up and pouting as you’re thinking if you’re really ready to be a queen. You see Lucas enter the hall but you did not move an inch. He sat on the cold floor in front of you, reaching for your hand and kiss it.

“I miss him, I wish he could see me as a queen” tears started to fall but Lucas is quick to dry them.

“He saw you as a queen already even when you were only a little girl” you understand what he said and you’re thankful for him for not leaving you at your lowest and choosing to be with you even though he found out about you and Hendery. “So... I wanted to do this, while you’re still you. And not...the queen” he says awkwardly and pulls out a small red velvet box.

But you sit properly and stopped him from opening it and saying the question that will change your life, “how can you stay to a woman who cheats?”

“Your grandfather told me love is patient. I had a meaningful talk with him, you’re right he’s wise. He told me you love me and he said if one day you do something stupid and wrong, which turns out you did... He told me ‘check your heart if you still love her, and if you still do marry her and don’t ever let her go again’"

Tears started to fall from your eyes again. “So will you marry me Y/n. Let me be the one to dry your tears forever?” He let out an awkward laugh, nervous about the next thing that will come out of your mouth.

“Yes, of course, yes” you cup his face, and this time you’re the one to dry his tears away.

Little did you know that Hendery heard everything. And he is beyond heartbroken.

[nhlandotherimagines]

I Want -Matthew Tkachuk

@natbarzal @anastasiyaigorevnadobrodevskaya @jonnytoews19 

I’m so sorry this is sooo late I’ve been super busy lately! I also feel like in an attempt to make this one really good for my boy Matty, I ended up totally overwriting it??

Anyway I hope it’s not too bad! Here we go with blurb number 9 of the Up All Night series! There is some strong language and some angst in here for sure, so fair warning!

Give you this, give you that, blow a kiss, take it back. If I looked inside your brain. I would find lots of things, clothes, shoes, diamond rings. Stuff that's driving me insane!

Matthew wasn’t one to use Instagram much. Sure he posted sometimes and kept up with his teammates and family, but he wasn’t one to read too much into what others posted. That is until he started dating you.

The two of you haven’t been together very long, and you are certainly far from Instagram official, so why was Matthew currently scrolling through your Instagram almost obsessively? Honestly, even he wasn’t sure. Though as he scrolls past each photo, slowly creeping farther into your past, he begins to notice a trend. Every photo staged to perfection, makeup done, hair done, and somewhere in each photo is at least one designer item. A handbag, watches, shoes, sunglasses, even one with a sports cars. Name any big brand, and Matthew is sure he could find it in a picture on your page.

Not a single photo was of you looking like the real you. None contained any of your family and friends. A couple photos included boys who evidently had money, who Matthew was left to assume were boyfriends. It was in that moment a switch flipped for him.

For the next few weeks Matthew chooses to say nothing about it, instead he watches you. Watches how different you are depending who is around. Nights in Matthews apartment included sweat pants, hoodies and takeout. Nights out with the teammates and their wives means hours of getting ready. Over the top outfits, heels that Matthew is sure will break your neck, and way too much makeup for his liking, but again Matthew says nothing and lets you do your thing.

Tonight though Matthew decided it was time the two of you went out on a date. Like actually go out. Until now he had wanted to keep things more private and intimate, so you wouldn’t be subjected to the media and fans. Tonight, is a big step for your relationship in Matthew’s mind.

You could be preoccupied, different date, every night, you just got to say the word.

“Wow! Matty this place is so fancy!” You gushed as he led you to the table, his big hand low on your back. Classical music was playing so softly you could hardly hear it over the voices and utensils clanging. A beautiful chandelier is hung just inside the entrance, the lights are dimmed slightly making the candles on each table that much more romantic. This place is perfect.

Matthew just smiles at you in agreement as he pulls out your chair for you. Your cheeks heat up slightly as you take your seat. Matthew takes the seat across from you, quietly thanking the hostess as she sets the menus in front of you both. You take a moment to once again admire your surroundings. “It’s beautiful!” You mutter breathlessly, more to yourself than anyone in particular.

“Yeah.” Matthew sighs in content. When you look back to him you realize he’s looking at you with a grin on his face. Embarrassed by his gaze, you drop your head and begin scanning the menu. Just as you expected, the prices are absolutely outrageous.

When the waiter comes, he looks at you expectantly, and politely asks you what you’d like to order. You order some chicken based dish you have never heard of, and the waiter jots it down. Matthew orders a bottle of your favourite wine, and a pasta dish for himself, handing over both menus to the waiter. As the waiter turns to leave he sends you a wink, informing you he’d be back momentarily with your wine.

Matthew chuckles at you as your cheeks heat up. “Can you believe this guy?” His smirk and teasing tone quickly giving away the action hadn’t affected him. “Hitting on my date, and he thinks I’m going to tip him for that?”

Matthew’s smirk widens into a smile at the laughter he manages to pull from you. You love how sure Matthew is of himself, not at all intimidate by the waiter’s ‘advances’. Most guys you have dated previously would feel insecure, and maybe even lash out. Not Matt though. Instead Matt jokes about not tipping, and though you haven’t known him long, you know he will tip. And he will tip well.

After a few moments of small talk about your respective weeks, the waiter is once again at your side. This time with your wine as he pours you and Matthew both a glass. The waiter’s eyes hardly leave your body while he asks if either of you need anything else. You are to preoccupied adjusting the bracelet on your wrist to even notice. The bracelet is a gift from Matthew, an expensive one at that.

As the waiter walks away, you pull out your cellphone and punch in the passcode. The smile Matthew had been sporting quickly falls. Matthew assumes you are texting, or maybe you are just bored, but either way it hurts.

“Could you take a picture of me for Instagram?” The smile on your face so sweet and innocent, Matthew almost thinks nothing of it. Almost. You want him to take a photo of you on your very first public date together to post on Instagram. Just of you.

Perhaps he is thinking too much into it, but it feels like a slap in the face to Matthew. The two of you dress up so he can take you out for the first time. Making you both ‘official’ to the world in Matthew’s eyes. He takes this huge step that to some seems like nothing, so he hoped that in return you may want to post it on your Instagram for all to see. This however, is not what he meant. Maybe a nice picture of you both. Maybe his arm around your waist holding you close, maybe his lips pressed to your temple as you beam your beautiful smile at the camera, or maybe even the both of you laughing at something stupid he said. Instead Matthew is behind the camera now, taking picture after picture of you. All perfectly staged. The wine bottle placed so that the label is on full display, your face resting gently in your hand ensuring the bracelet is in frame, and of course you look absolutely stunning.

But you're not into them at all, you just want materials. I should know because I've heard when girls say, I want, I want, I want, but that's crazy! I want, I want, I want, and that's not me! I want, I want, I want, to be loved by you

The date goes by painfully slow for Matthew. He feels trapped. After the realization that you are not as interested in him as a person as he once thought, the mood shifts. Somehow though, the awkwardness that surrounds the table completely eludes you as you eat your dinner.

———

“Everything okay Matt?” You ask, eyebrows knitting together in confusion. He’s barely spoken to you since you left the restaurant, and now he seems to be moping beside you on his couch as he scrolls through his phone. He rolls his eyes in response leaning his head against the back of the couch.

“Why are you here?” The question catches you completely off guard. You watch Matthew closely, as his gaze focuses on the ceiling above him, never once sparing you even a glance.

“W-well we went on a date and I just figured, but I can- I can go?” You manage to stumble out a response, as embarrassment courses through you.

“No honestly Y/n.” His voice is sharp. He’s mad, and you’ve never seen him like this. “Is it the money or the clout?” The annoyance is clear in his voice, but if it weren’t, the icy stare he shoots you next certainly gets that point across.

“What!?” You feel completely blindsided by his accusations. “Matthew why would you even think that?”

“Oh jeez! Hmm I don’t know! Let’s see shall we.” The sarcasm dripping from his words as he unlocks his phone tilting the screen towards you. As you look at it, you realize it’s your Instagram page. “The very first post we have here is? Oh would you look at that! A beautiful picture of you on OUR date, but who would possibly know that? All they see is a pretty girl, at an expensive restaurant with expensive wine and expensive jewelry. Okay and up next! Look at that! More fancy jewelry and clothes! Scrolling down a bit more, what’s this? A man? Must be your boyfriend right because you have one? Nope! It’s some guy who took you for a drive in his fancy car! Why would you possibly want to show off your boyfriend? Then rich men wouldn’t drive you around in their sports cars! How sad.” Matthew keeps scrolling, rambling on and on about every picture you’ve posted.

“Stop-“ you manage to choke out, eyes stinging with tears.

“Oh I’m sorry. Did I hurt your feelings? Because fuck Y/n mine sure are! I thought you were different! I thought WE were different. Every girl just wants shit from me! It’s insane! I want to spoil you, but fuck if that’s all you want you’re in the wrong spot! I guess I’m just stupid for thinking a girl like you could love me.” The venom in his last sentence stings, and you repress the sob threatening to leave your throat.

“A girl like me?” You challenge, finding more confidence than you thought had in you. “You know what Matthew? Fuck. You.”

Pushing yourself from his couch, you grab your things quickly heading to the door. As you slide on your shoes, you turn back to him one more time. “For the record, I don’t need shit from you Matthew! And sure maybe I like to put on a show for Instagram, but that’s all it is. A show. So why don’t you grow a pair and learn to talk to women about shit that bothers you, because if you can’t do that no one will ever love you.”

The door slams behind you as you leave. You and Matthew both have a lot of learning to do in this life, and maybe your time together, though short, is a turning point for you both. Maybe someday he will see not everyone is out to get him, and that communication isn’t as scary as it seems. Maybe someday you’ll learn that looking good, or rich, doesn’t make you happy. Living in the moment with people who matter, that will make you happy. For now, the two of you are left alone, wounds from hurtful words on full display. Both of you left wanting to take it all back.