#she was SIXTEEN when she was assaulted. a CHILD

[taricide]

This country still lives in the 18th century. Being born a woman here is nothing short of a crime!!!!!

[ophelieverse]

please please please i need you to write something for my man Aegon I love how you write for him😭

➳♡before fire takes it all

Aegon II Targaryen x fem!reader

-summary:normally Aegon would ignore Helaena and her strange behavior but,since his wife Y/n got pregnant,he can’t help but think about the words his sister said the moment he announced the news.

-warnings:set in season 1,pre blood and cheese and luke death,teen pregnancy(both Aegon and reader are sixteen),talk about child death,Aegon being paranoid and keeping secrets,Helaena predictions,classic asoiaf warnings,reader can be of whatever house you want.

-thank you so much for the request and let me know what you guys think,send you all my love🩷

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

It hurts.

Love,Aegon thinks.

Love hurts.

His heart bursts,his heart explodes,his heart climbs down his throat and assaults his temples, squeezing and compressing them until his eyes darken,until it scars the tormented irises and pupils.

Loving too much is fatal.Or not?

Isn't that so?

Live well,live badly.Does he lives at all?

“I don't know”,his conscience responds.

Aegon would like to know,but he doesn’t know.He doesn’t even think he knows what the right way to live is anymore,he’s terrified that he doesn’t know what it means to live anymore.

How can he live?How?

How can he pretend that everything is alright?That everything,in the future,is going to be alright?

Normally Aegon wouldn’t think about these sort of things,he used to live day by day dictated by his own selfish desires.But since he had got married two years ago,something in him changed completely.He started to understand what it meant to love and live for someone else,to wake up every morning early to just watch her sleep so soundly next to him,to stay sober at every hour so that he could remember her kind words,her sweet face and calm voice.Wanting to be a different version,a better one,of himself only because she showed him that he deserved happiness and love like everyone else and in return he only wanted to give her the best he could.

But golden necklaces,earrings,beautiful flowers and the most expensive dresses could not fill the hole that was slowly opening under their feet,a hidden tragedy ready to swallow them whole and to break their hearts and souls forever.

Aegon wasn’t one to listen to his family,he longed for his mother love and his father attention,he despised his older half sister,made fun of his younger brothers and mostly ignored his other sister.Only this time,something happened,something made him look in Helaena direction for the first time and his ears had caught every single word that she had whispered to herself.

His wife,Lady Y/n,the most beautiful and kind woman,a innocent young girl with a heart too big for her body,was pregnant.It was true,what they said about expecting women,she was glowing like the most precious diamond and her happiness about becoming a mother,the mother of the lover of her life child,couldn’t be contained by her shiny eyes and big smile.

«The Maester said that signs suggest is going to be a boy.»Aegon had announced one day at the breakfast table.

His mother had smiled kindly and Aemond had nodded giving his shoulder a warm squeeze.It was still too early in the pregnancy to understand whether is was going to be boy or a girl,but still Aegon had hoped that the Maester was right.Having a son was a dream that he never dared to imagine or to say out loud until then,the living proof that he was going to be better than his father ever was for him.

Helaena was sitting next to him,quietly playing with a wooden butterfly,all lost in the secret gardens of her mind when she muttered something: «A son for a son.»without even understanding her own words.

As their mother and brother were talking,Aegon turned slightly toward her.Usually he wouldn’t pay attention to his sister and her strange behavior,he was disgusted by all of those insects that she so lovingly brought everywhere like some pet on a leash and he was so relieved when his father had betrothed him to Y/n instead that her.He wouldn’t even lister or look over her if in the past,her silent words of warning weren’t revealed to be the sour truth.Aemond had lost an eye just like she had said.Maybe if back then he had listened to her,he would have helped his brother and nothing would have happened.

«What does it mean?»Aegon had whispered to her confused.

Helaena wasn’t looking at him,her fingers gracefully tracing the toy«They only want the boy,not the girl.»she said as if she didn’t heard him,nodding to herself.

Aegon left the spoon that he was holding,a sensation of nausea was crawling up his stomach,his heart beating faster«The boy?My boy?Who wants him?»he asked.

His sister stayed quiet,every second felt like an agony for him.His mind became of stone and a part of his was laughing for the fact that he was actually really listening to her,to her crazy words and empty head.But still,something,maybe his father instinct that was already part of him,told him that what she was saying was another dark truth.

A boy and a girl,she had said.He was going to have both,twins.He couldn’t even imagine it,praying that they would take after their mother soft and gentle spirit but also his fierce nature.Y/n would have been delighted to know that they were about to have twice of the love,but what would she said if she knew that someone wanted their son?

«The rats.»Helaena answered then,her eyes bore holes in his as she turned to look at her older brother,shiny lilac flowers watered in fear and condolences.

It had been months since that conversation and Aegon couldn’t stop to think about it.Every night,as he watched Y/n sleep next to him while he so gently caressed her belly where two new lives were growing,he could still feel his sister horrified stare on him and her heavy words in his ears.

Y/n is talking to Aegon,while they were lying under the covers of their bed.Her head is on his chest,her hair smelled of flowers and peaches,her voice sleepy and always so tender as his hand was staying on her swollen stomach.She's talking to him about her day and he can't listen to her,he can't even see her behind his pale eyelashes that lower,behind his tired eyelids that are threatening to close tightly.

With the fingers of his free hand he massage them,the nail of his index finger finds a tear that was hidden there,at the corner of the right eye,and uprooting it,let it be dried out by air.

Aegon was exhausted.He had difficulty to sleep when every sound made him jump,every shadow in the corner gave him a heart attack.

He would like to stop thinking,he would like to find a way to turn off his mind,to blow up the candle that kept his brain from sleeping and this crazy thought makes him understand that he had become even more incredibly pathetic than he already was.

Aegon was terrorized.If he already ignored Helaena,now he was avoiding her like the plague in fear that she could say something else,or worse,talk about her thoughts to Y/n.

Y/n,his beautiful and sweet wife,already had so much to think about.Being eight months pregnant was taking a toll on her,even though she never stopped smiling,he could see that she was tired and that her body couldn’t bare it anymore.He couldn’t let her worry about something that his weird sister said to him,not when the Maester said that she needed peace,calmness and affection.And even if he hadn’t said that,how could Aegon tell her what was keeping him awake at night?

He set more and more knights to follow his wife around to make sure that nothing happened to her and his children,the Maester came to check on her at least once a day and when he wasn’t with her,his mother would keep her company in the solarium.He had personally hired people to hunt the rats of the Red Keep.Aegon so often dreamed of being just like the armors that Ser Arryk wears,cold, motionless,empty,that he has come to believe that it would be beautiful,it would be fulfilling,to be something without emotions and rest in a corner without light.

Aegon had still to meet his son,both of his children,after he had dreamed of him,of them,for so long.And yet already someone wanted to take his baby away from him.

The flashes of the veins on his forehead tingle and he clash,he crush himself,against an imaginary expanse of water that slaps his brain,crushes his lungs with long ivory tusks,disfigures his face.

Aegon was blocked.

He was stuck in some claustrophobic scribbled box,in a rusty bubble of his faulty soul,and he was afraid see beyond.But he could see the future,the one that Helaena had tried to warn him about.

He could see beyond and,the certainty is disconcerting,he clearly see that the worst nightmare of any human being,what wakes up men in the middle of the night and scares children with simple shadows,is the awareness of being chased:no one can ever escape from themselves,no one has ever escaped from destiny.

Not even him,especially him.

Because Aegon knew already,tasting it on the tip of his tongue,that what will happen is was going to be his fault.Certainly not because of Y/n.

«Am I boring you?»Y/n voice was tired but still sweet«Forgive me,my days are monotonous,predictable and highly boring.»she huffed,caressing his hand above her stomach.

Ever since she had started showing,her husband treated her like the finest and most delicate porcelain.All she could do during the day was read in their chambers,walk through the gardens and pray with the Queen.Not exactly a vivacious life,especially since Ser Arryk followed her every move.

She yawns,she apologizes,and Aegon finally slam the lumpy eyelashes and look at her.

Y/n is smiling,innocent,carrying his children and then his body moves by itself,he act instinctively, and get her closer to him.

A hand behind her nape,a strong and fast grip, almost stuttered,and Aegon feel her words on the palate,he eat them between his lips moving on her open mouth.He kiss her badly,and he hurt himself,he will hurt both of them,he kiss her following the dull rhythm of his ears,he kiss her and he pass the noise of his thoughts to her.

Aegon feels a hole in the center of his throat,a knot of cries,and this makes him sway and covers his eyes with torn red lightning here and there,it breaks his mind.Yet he keep kissing her.He have to kiss her.

Kissing Y/n scratches his soul,kissing her stirs up his fears and reminds him,in the pause of one of her breath,the so natural way in which pleasure and pain mix,get tangled,whenever pieces of skin graze and play with the tongues and crests of a fire.Fingertips caressing purple flames,white sheets reduced to blackened shreds,a plate of ice lying on the jigular.

Kissing Y/n now is like taking a sip of salt.Filling her mouth,having her under his palms,feeling the boiling heat of her cheeks against his nose and against his upper lip.

Y/n forces Aegon to give her every good part of himself,even those he thought were lost by now,and she does it with twisting tongues or with an annoying clash of teeth.All it takes is a simple touch and he’s willing to give her the world.She makes him wanting to be a better person and he so scared to fail her,that he wouldn’t be able to protect her and the most precious things that they created together.

«Aegon.»she whispered on his lips,eyes fluttered closed.

«I love you.»he said without thinking«I love you and our children.And I didn't think I could ever love,not this way.»he confessed,his voice trembling as his mouth was on hers again.

«I love you too.Are you alright sweetheart?»Y/n asked placing a hand on his warm cheek,she could read him like a open book but sometimes even her couldn’t understand him completely.

Aegon wished he could tell her all about what was going on in his mind.To share with her his deepest fears,to let her hold him and tell him that everything is going to be alright and that they will be safe and together for all of their lives.

But when she starts kissing him in a different way,like a helpless girl who would let herself do anything from him,when she starts kissing him with a teenage heat,a heat so in love and so lost, then he would like to do something else.

He would like to yell all the terrible words that Helaena told him,he would like to tug on her and burst her stupid and crazy soap bubbles in front of her eyes and he would like to do it just to remind her who he really was.To remind his sweet Y/n that so willingly loved,accepted and cherished him,that believed that with him nothing could touch her,that he was still a dragon and dragons are known to burn people.

Aegon doesn’t answer her,he just lets his forehead on hers with his eyes closed.

«You don’t have to worry.»Y/n murmured against his skin«You are not like your father and our children already know that,they love you just like I do.»she promised him,their hands interlaced on her belly.

He had voiced his concerns about fatherhood the moment she told him that she was with child,his child.Children now.And she had spent countless nights reassuring him that he was going to be a good father,a better one,unlike his.That he was going to be there for them,but now he knows that he can’t escape his own fate.His father shadow will forever be there to remind him that they are just the same:bound to fail their families.

“Stop it,please.Stop holding my heart so tight in your hands,that's enough.”Aegon thought.

It was in moments like these that Aegon remembered that Y/n was just a girl,a frightened sixteen years old who lives every second with her chest open,her heart too visible to anyone,too exposed.The feelings,the emotions,painted between her bright eyes and lips,make her an easy target,a sacrificial lamb,a too good person who can easily be stabbed in the back.

Her goodness and naivety makes her vulnerable and Aegon knows it,Gods,he knows it.

Because Y/n is not,in the slightest,capable of defending herself,she is not even able to understand the reality of the universe,she does not come to terms with the subtle and treacherous truths.She does not accept the existence of evil in the world,she does not accept the possibility that often what is considered good and right,is not really good,is not really right.

So how could Aegon get her away from the black that drips from his nails,scars,thoughts?Y/n thinks she knows how dark his soul is,she thinks she's got it,but he know she doesn’t.

It will never be like this.

«Aegon.»she calls for him again as soon as she realizes that his mind is wandering too far.

Y/n throws his name on his skin and he swallow the panic that warms his esophagus,which runs through his every rib,as he block her head in his hands,almost in a trap.

Aegon push her to lie on the mattress,make her collapse between the pillows almost as if he had beaten her in a duel,and he hovers on top of her relaxed body,carefully holding her stomach.

Y/n doesn't tremble.

He’s are literally assaulting her and she lets him do it,she agrees,she welcomes him between her legs,in her heart,in her mouth that moves a little away from his and then falls on his eyelids that are still closed.

Aegon wish he could tear his eyes out,blind himself with huge metal spikes.He doesn’t let anyone get so close to him,he’d never done it and now more than before he wished didn’t do it.Because now they would see it,they already saw it.It was evident,under the lights and everyone eyes that his legacy was about to be born and die all in once.

Even the rats will see it.If someone dared to direct their steps towards Aegon,if someone dared even raise their head towards him,they would see his pupils and find Y/n and their children in there.

At the center of all his thoughts,of all his hopes:the end of an entire life that has bent over itself in the hope of scraping together some more time and living it with them.

So what's wrong?What binds his eyelashes in a white spider web?Could Helaena be right or he was being paranoid again?She was right about the fact that Y/n was carrying twins,the Maester had confirmed it months ago,but could she be right about the rest?

Then he felt it,against his warm palm and his heart skip a beat.A little kick,yet strong and determined to be felt.

«Looks like someone woke up.»Y/n giggled,looking down at her body.

«I didn’t mean to wake them.I’m sorry.»is all that Aegon can whisper and he doesn’t even know what he’s really apologizing for.

Y/n listens to him and suddenly recognizes something in the tone of his voice.She relaxes her limbs under him even more,completely wipes away any trace of tension as if someone had just cut the thin threads that moved her body,and she sulks as she touches his lilac eyes that he still deny her,stubbornly.

«Why are you so sad?What happened?»she said,concern covering all her beautiful face.

It’s not what happened,but what could happen.

Aegon forced a smile on his lips«A bad dream.That's all.»he lies,shaking his head.

Thats what he prayed every night,that it was all a nightmare and that he would wake up soon.

Y/n rubs her fingertips on his eyelashes and he feel her lips lying against his cheekbone.She’s smiling.

«Don't worry.I just found the last sleep crumbs that were hiding from you and threw them away. They were the ones who held back the bad dream and now they are gone.»she explained to him,peppering sweet kisses on his face.

Aegon eyelids rise on their own and he clash with the flickering image of his wife looking at him and bringing to his face her index finger on which one of his eyelashes is placed,almost a crescent moon caught in the air and hovering towards the earth.

«Do you want to make a wish?My mother always told me to do it,but I have to admit that almost none of my wishes ever came true in this way. Maybe I was asking for impossible things,out of my reach.Same thing with the shooting stars.Do you want to try anyway?»Y/n was rumbling,now he remembered why she was friends with his sister.

Aegon leverage his elbows,without getting too far away from her and look at her strangely«What?»he asked confused.

His cheeks mottled red and it seems to him that the way she bites her lips is yet another punch against his anesthetized emotions.

«Forgive me,it's such a stupid thing.Please forget it.»and while she is saying it she moves her nail in the act of throwing away his wish that has taken on the common form of a pale eyelash.

Y/n gesture makes the eyelash roll down and it swirls over itself and chases the earth,chases its tail,forms several open circles into which he stick his dream,his nightmare,his hidden thought.

The eyelash is lost on the red carpet and Aegon don't see it anymore.

He look for Y/n gaze again as she pushes him back into kissing her.She asks him,clumsily,to let go of those silly words of hers.The words of a girl that was still too young and forced by her father to grow up too fast,a girl hat was still a child herself with all of her fantasies and fairytales.A child that will raise children soon.

Because Y/n was better than Aegon,she is,even if she doesn't know it,and she showed it to him so many times that he has now lost count of the occasions when he felt at fault.Occasions when he realized he don't deserve her.

Aegon prefer to ignore this reality of the facts,he prefer to put his lips on her collarbone and bite slowly,resume and rummaging through her fertile body,one hand in her hair and the other under her nightgown,and grab as much as much as she offers him.

And Y/n offers Aegon everything,always.

«No wish was ever fulfilled?No one?»the question comes out of his teeth before he can control it,it pours out as his mouth moves over her belly that he suddenly feel quiver.

She is laughing.All three of them are,he realizes as he start tracing with his fingers his children imaginary features on the skin of her stomach.

«Maybe two of them.»Y/n says,referring to the lives she created inside of her«But I found out that my wishes only come true when I look at myself in a puddle.»she laughs again with her mouth open and then moves her head into a pillow.

His fingertips tingle on contact with her skin and his stomach closes into a knot the moment he notice how the intimacy that his movements has turned into familiarity.Because that is what they were going to be soon,a family.

«When did you looked at yourself into a puddle?»Aegon suddenly asked,giggling a bit when another kick met his hand.

Y/n hand found its way into his messy silver locks«The day that my father had accompanied me here for our betrothal.»she tells him,a warm feeling in her chest at the memory.

«It was raining.»he said,he remembered perfectly the first time he saw her.

He remembered her father fussing all over her wet hair,trying to adjust her dress and to make her look presentable.But she was still the most beautiful and vulnerable creature that Aegon had aver seen.A little wet bird in a golden cage.

She nodded«Before entering the Keep i took a deep breath and,as I stared at my reflection into a puddle at my feet,I secretly wished that the husband i was going to have would love him as much as I love looking at the star.»she smiled lovingly down at him.

It came true.Aegon felt his heart exploding in his chest,he loved his wife more than anything in the world.It was so easy for him to love her,how could he not?The thought that she had to wish for something like that,for something that for him was like breathing made his eyes flutter with little tears.

Aegon moved an arm and he already knew that he will hold her hand,remaining palm to palm,as he already know that her fingers will chase his,that they will squeeze,gasps.Wrists banging against wrists,veins in contact.

The time of a whole life that slips away.

«I have never made a wish.»he confessed then.

He just took,he just wanted.

Oh Aegon,what a stupid mistake.

He stole the dreams of his future child,he had plundered entire experiences of the past,and yet he could have simply asked.With courtesy,with kindness.With a little humility.

What a stupid mistake.

«You must have had a really bad dream.»Y/n whispers in her voice broken by his caresses,and then leans and puts her forehead against his as he rise to look at her«But it’s never too late,you can still have your wish.»she reassured him.

No he couldn’t and maybe they should stop talking,stop wasting time.They both should just exchange their saliva and shut up.Pant,moan obscenely and stop everything else.Eliminate among them the layers of soul,the remnants of some childish hopes,and join like empty bags.

It would be better this way,Aegon recognize this too,just below the surface,just below the peel of his chest,at least admit with himself that it would be better that way.He should stop discovering her hips with words,with confessions,with Helaena confusing words,with half-truths:it's too risky.

He should just close himself and unite with her only the bodies,discover the consistency of the painless choices and stay there stationary,inside an empty and deep gap in which the arms and legs move frantically without ever finding anything to hold on to.

This was his life once,before her.

Aegon had endless possibilities of oblivion,between the broken lines of the light palms,he had everything a young,spoiled prince could ask for.

The simplicity of superficial human relationships flowed through the buttonholes of his fingers and he continued to be unhappy,stubbornly perpetuated his pursuit of unhappiness,but he didn't know it,and therefore he really wasn't.

Or maybe yes?Maybe a part of him knew that?Is that why his chest is burning now?Because now he was finally happy for the first time and he didn’t wanted it to end?

Because now Aegon has Y/n and he managed to create something pure and innocent and beautiful with her,giving them all of the good qualities he didn’t knew he possessed.

Y/n seems to listen to his every secret and fear,to feel his breathing change and become noisier,deeper.She place a hand on his abdomen, slowly,she traces with her fingertips first his palm and then also his wrist,then also the blue vein,and repeat his name,repeat his name,repeat his name again.

Aegon enchant himself in front of the movement of her mouth and listen to the ticking of her heart that stretches until it pulls a painful fist on his gums.

He’s an adult now,a husband and a father.He should behave as such and leave the butterflies to the kids and remember that him,in his stomach and belly,only have the worms of rotten apples.

This happens to those who never make a wish. Didn't he know that?

«I would kill for our family,even innocent people if this means keep the three of you safe.»Aegon suddenly said,voicing his thoughts out loud«Would you still love me after that?»the question is sour in his mouth.

Y/n opens her eyelids to the sound of his question,frantically slams her eyelashes,those eyelashes,and swallows with difficulty.The cheeks are even redder and the ears are also red,the eyes are shiny.Atoms of soul and innocence:they agglomerated together and formed her,a little girl composed of glass and cobwebs,bubbles and feathers.

The bravest Lady he had ever met.

«Of course I will love you.My heart is your for eternity.»she replies and doesn't hesitate for a moment«And I would do the same for us.»she added with a whisper.

Her love for him is equivalent to a black hole in which he could immerse himself and observe a boundless horizon of stars broken and stuck in an icy ground.

She loves him.

And she knows that Aegon loves her too.But right now he can't even answer her,to tell her that he’s sorry,that he’s scared,that he reciprocate her feelings with the same intensity or that maybe he reciprocate them in an even more desperate way than her,crazier.He wish he could tell her that he wished they had more time,that he wasn’t who he is,that he wished that they were born in a different place and had different lives to share forever.

Y/n face is beautiful,her forehead is smooth,no flickering lines to scar her tranquility,and the skin near her eyes is crumpled from the day they got married and started to live a life together.It's the restrained cries,the sleepless nights,the quarrels,the misunderstandings,the voracious kisses left on them like square pieces.

Y/n looks at him,her eyes are still shiny,and with her fingertips and palms she clings to his camisole.

Sh clings to him and Aegon doesn’t feel any weight,he doesn’t feel any pain,no discomfort.Then at least one thing shines certain and bright in his mind:she has become the very consistency of his body.She has entered his limbs,without him noticing,and she is so close to him,beyond the blood and the breaths,that her hand is now an extension of his,her chest is his,her back is his,her lips are his.

And they would be able to see it,all perfectly together in the faces of their children.

And it is not a mere matter of possession,just an arranged marriage to unite two houses,this is not the truth and it will never be.It is something ancestral,like being destined to meet her,being destined to belong to it,being destined to live there,despite time and space.

Aegon and Y/n were sitting on the opposite ends of a timeline,at two distant points in human life, so far away that they saw each other like blurred halos,and they wanted so much to find the other,they have desired it so much,so much,that they have decided to tilt the axes of existence,to hang on to them,and to reunite with an interweaving of hands.

They had bent their faces,touched their souls by ticking of nails,and nothing was the same again.What a stupid mistake they made,something that their innocent son will pay one day.

Aegon felt like he was on fire,his whole body was trembling and his heart ached in his chest«Y/n…I…I-»but what could he tell her?

He could push her away from him,go ahead and just do it,but on his bones he will still find her shape and her footprints.If he looked for her,looked for her in him,he would find that she was everywhere.

«Y/n,I’m…I’m really sorr-»he tried to choke out what he could.

«Do you know what I wanted when I first looked inside a puddle?»Y/n didn’t let him finish,instead she kept stroking his face lovingly to help him calm down.

Aegon doesn’t move and she puts her index finger against his right temple,light.He knew that,from where she was from,it usually rained during the end of the summer and that she loved playing outside with her siblings and mother.She was the one that taught Y/n to look inside poodles and to dance in the rain,something that she would teach her future children too.

«I wished I could see myself.I wanted it intensely,I really wanted it with all my strength,as I never wanted anything in life.»Y/n started to explain him.

All of her life was planned for her,from the moment she came to the world,by her father that only saw his daughter as piece of chess to move on the board in order to gain power.She didn’t even knew who she was if not Lady Y/n,a proper and polite young girl ready to marry in the royal house.But now she knew who she was,what she liked to eat,to read,what to do in her free time and it was all thanks to Aegon that had shown her how to be selfish for the first time and to live for herself.

«And I see myself now,I can see myself,but I'm not happy.Because I have a new wish,much more important:that you can see yourself in the same way I see you,the way our children already see you.Then yes,i would be happy.We would both be happy.»she told him,sincerely with a little smile on her beautiful face.

Y/n had plundered his last feelings,which were nothing more than bread crumbs left attached to the eaten crusts.If the world fell,the sun fell,all the snow,the hail,the rain and the lightning fell,even the rainbow.He will make fire pour from the sky,he will spill blood just to keep his family alive and safe besides him.

Aegon doesn’t say anything,he moves forward on top of her and kisses her one again.He has a wish now:time.The only thing he wanted was time,more time to see his children grow up and become beautiful people,time to spend with them and to teach them how the world works,to help them and hold their hands,to protect them when they were scared and to remains them that he will love them forever.More time with Y/n,to love and cherish her,to grow old with her,to make her smile and laugh at the most inappropriate times,to caress her sweet face at night as he watches her sleep.He just wanted more time,he deserved it.

«How about,the next time that rains,we go outside,just us.»Aegon murmurs on her lips«I have a wish to make.»he continued with a small smile.

And he prayed the gods,whoever could listen to him,that it would become true the moment Y/n giggled and nodded her head.He hoped but hope can do nothing against an already written destiny and then he will be ready to go to war.

[bittersuitejacobs]

• an unhealthy obsession •

{Nate Jacobs/Original Character}

Ophelia is no stranger to wanting. For most of her life it's all she'd been allowed to do, trapped on the outside looking in, window shopping for normal experiences. Ophelia is also no stranger to obsession. Books, movies, TV shows; a terribly ill child who never even had the chance to make a real friend, she took what she could from fiction. All she'd ever wanted growing up, the thing she obsessed over, was someone who could save her, from her life, from herself. Someone who could make her feel alive.

So when her attention is caught by a beautiful, awful boy with a saviour complex, Ophelia vows not to remain a stranger to him either, no matter the cost.

Ophelia may no longer need to be saved, but Nate Jacobs makes her feel so damn alive, so she will turn herself into the kind of girl he wants, needs, and obsesses over too.

• in which Ophelia and Nate are somehow not the worst things to ever happen to each other. •

Warnings: Explicit Smut, Mutual Obsession, Stalking, Manipulative Behaviour, Possessive Behaviour, Infidelity/Cheating, Drinking, Violence, Non-Consensual Drug Use & Sexual Assault, Childhood Parental Abuse (Medical/Psychological/Emotional). Chapters will contain specific warnings.

{ fic playlist }

+ IN PROGRESS +

[ Season One ]

1. spectacle

2. the slate cleaned

3. knight in shining armour

4. according to plan

5. unexpected ink

6. daddy's angel

7. a week of turtlenecks

8. like and subscribe

9. dirty little secret

10. praise kink

11. deja vu

12. little black dress

13. fight flight fawn freeze

14. the aftermath of violence

15. boot theory

16. i quite enjoy ruining your day

17. mutually assured destruction

18. detriments of the modern age

19. justly serv'd

20. sanctuary

21. paper stars

[ Season Two ]

22. resolutions

23. bpm

+ ...

[ Alternate Universe ]

cool for the summer

Nate's been best friends with Lee Chase for as long as he can remember, and Lee's little sister Ophelia has always been... there. The best thing about her is how easy she is to ignore.

But everything changes between them when Lee and his dad go to Fiji for the Summer before their Junior year, and Nate and Lee's moms decide to spend that time holidaying together up the coast, taking the rest of their children with them.

So now, much to Nate's chagrin, he's forced to share a bed with his best friend's sixteen year old sister, who he's barely even had a full conversation with before in his life. But he quickly realises that she's bolder than he gave her credit for. Maybe it's a good thing her brother's on the other side of the world.

Warnings: Explicit Smut, Possessive Behaviour, Underage Drinking, Ongoing Parental Neglect/Emotional Abuse, Compulsive Over exercising as a Form of Self Harm, Mental Healthy & Unreality Struggles. Chapters will contain specific warnings.

1. Reintroduce

2. Reinvent

3. Recontextualise

4. Reconfigure

5. Realise

6. Revitalise

7. Reiterate

8. Reconnect

9. Restring

+ ...

Posting of completed chapters for the main fic will begin in the next few days.

Posting of the AU will begin after Chapter 10 of the main fic and will alternate.

THE TAGLIST IS ALWAYS OPEN !

(just message or comment to be added; I'll add you to the taglist for both unless you let me know you only wanna be tagged for updates from one)

[lokisprettygirl]

Rain to his Fire (Modern! Daemon Targaryen x Female Reader) (Non Canon 80s Au) (18+)

Read chapter 4 here // Series Masterlist

Chapter 5

Summary: Daemon finally gets sent to the lone ward.

Warning: 18+, smutty scenarios, crude language, description of Statutory rape, discussion of mental health (it's a fic based in a mental health facility), mention of physical assault, the fic would contain several mentions of several disorders like mpd, did etc, if something triggers you don't read, smoking.

“Tell me something sexual about yourself” Daemon asked as he watched you tidy up his room like everyday, he was laying on his front half naked, his chin situated on his forearms as he spoke, with the ever so present mischievous glint in his eyes.

“And why would I do that?” You replied, keeping your tone light-hearted but playful at the same time.

“Because we are friends now aren't we? That's what friends do” he mumbled softly so you looked at him momentarily before you went back to dusting.

It's been a week since that night when you had confidently revealed your desires to him and accepted that you thought of him in your bed, but as the morning arrived you were back to being your timid self and you asked him for his friendship instead to which he responded with a gracious shake of a hand and fist bump.

Sex wasn't a frivolous activity for you, the idea of giving a man every piece of your body was a foreign concept for you, people often deemed you prudish, your mother was always worried that you'd never find a man this way but was it wrong of you to value the skin you lived in? To not be so easily accessible to every other man out there?

You enjoyed it when Daemon touched you like that, he didn't make your skin crawl or made you feel disgusted whenever he would say something about sex, but the idea of crossing that line terrified you. Not to forget, there were plenty of obstacles on the way, first and foremost he was a patient getting treated at the center, he was on medication and you didn't even know if anything he said actually mattered to him or he was just messing with you to kill time until he's out of here. In the real world, would he even remember you? or would he simply move on to the next person who caught his eyes?

You didn't think you were special enough to keep him invested in you for long.

“Ummmm you go first mister” you said with a hint of teasing in your voice making Daemon chuckle, he then leaned his elbows on the bed, propping his head up.

“Alright..do you want to know anything specific?” He asked you so you grabbed the handle of the broom and stopped dusting as you thought about it. You looked cute he thought, with your lips curled and a look of confusion on your face.

“Okay ummm when did you do it for the first time?”

There was a smirk on Daemon's face as you posed the question, he saw it coming from a mile away.

“I was sixteen” he answered quickly, not wanting to stall the question.

“Really? Sixteen?” You grimaced slightly so he gave you a smile.

“Mmmhmm”

“Okay ummm with your then girlfriend i am assuming” you mumbled confidently so he shook his head.

“Nooo..i didn't have one at the time”

Huh!!

“Who did you do it with then?”

“My brother's girlfriend” you were taken aback by Daemon's admission, your eyes widened and mouth opened. You felt slightly offended too, he was a child at the time but still, your own brother's girlfriend?

“You cheated your brother like that?”

“He didn't care about her if he cheated on her first” he replied, his voice still even as if the memory didn't affect him in the slightest.

“So she came to you? For revenge?” you asked curiously.

“Yeah I didn't mind that i was used like that” You hummed as he said that before you remembered something.

“Hold on, you told me that your brother had raised you, how old was she?” you asked him.

“She was thirty, same as him” he revealed nonchalantly and all of a sudden you felt utterly disgusted by that woman you didn't even know. At thirty you couldn't even think of doing something like that to a boy who's not even an adult.

“A thirty year old woman seduced you at sixteen? You know that's wrong right? I mean flip the situation and you'd see how wrong it is..it's illegal” he sighed as you said that, a part of him knew you'd not take it in good spirit. Nobody would.

“Who cares??? I got the first taste of a cunt ..I'm not complaining” you felt a mixture of frustration and disbelief at his response.

“Well you should.. you should be complaining”

“Don't you want to know how it happened?” he asked so you immediately shook your head. But despite your reluctance, Daemon got up on his knees, crawled off the bed and approached you, seemingly eager to share the story..

“It was raining that night..i was all alone at home, my brother was away for a conference so I had plans for the night. It involved a pint of beer, a pack of cigarettes and of course a dirty magazine” you crossed your arms as he circled around you in dramatic fashion.

“I was jerking off when I heard the door bell ring–”

“Did you wash your hands before you opened the door?” His brows crinkled as you asked that. Perhaps such a question would have annoyed him if it had come from some other woman he just wanted to seduce and fuck but with you he found it endearing. Everything you did and said seemed cute to him, and he couldn't help but feel a bit smitten,

“I don't remember” He let out a deep sigh and rolled his eyes before speaking.

“You remember everything else-”

“Shhhhh listen now my virgin mary” he cupped your cheeks and your heartbeat raised immediately due to the proximity. The audacity he had to just hold you always made you want to do stupid things.

“She was crying, heavily, she found out about my brother fucking someone else in the city, so I hugged her to comfort her” he narrated the incident further but nothing could have changed your opinion about that filthy woman.

“And then you kissed her?”

“Noo.. we didn't kiss, never kissed during the act or ever really. She went down on her knees to suck my cock, it was a dream come true..she was beautiful, a real woman, and she was touching me in places only my hands had reached before-” you cut him off before he could finish whatever he was going to say,

“It's wrong, and you know it. How would you feel if it was your son? What would you do if you found out he was being taken advantage of by an older woman?” you questioned him, your tone firm and concerned. Instead of answering your questions, he simply smirked in response

"Look at you, so motherly. Aren't you?" Your expression hardened as you stepped away from him, realizing the gravity of the situation.

You know he had intended for the story to be just another seduction trick to mess with you but it only made you feel awful for him. His parents weren't around and his older brother definitely didn't seem like the best role model if he was out committing infidelity so shamelessly. Who was protecting him? Who was taking care of him? Who was there for him when he needed a guiding hand? You were starting to understand why he was the way he was.

And not to mention it's been a week since you hadn't found any other feather or silver locks in his room, nothing else to support his claim of being a half dragon. Perhaps he ran out of the props he had bought, but what about the bars at the window though? How did he rip them apart? Did he steal a tool or something from the building?

As you worked on cleaning the tables in the cafeteria during lunch hour, Daemon's eyes were fixed on you the whole time. It was becoming increasingly obvious that he was staring, you just hoped that no one else would notice or care about it even if they did. You glared at him so he'd stop but he kept the gaze steady.

As Shyla walked past you, you couldn't help but be worried, after the incident in Dr. Vis's office, Shyla had suddenly become quiet and more reserved, her bubbly personality no longer visible. Perhaps she felt guilty regarding her lying about Daemon assaulting her and that the guilt was eating her up inside.

As you approached his table to pick up his tray he stared at you intensely.

“You're such a prude” he muttered suddenly, making the anger surge in your body, you glared at him and placed your fist on your waist to speak to him.

“Prude? Is that what you think of me?” you exclaimed “Am I a prude just because I feel bad for a sixteen year old boy?” your voice raised slightly as you couldn't believe how he could be so callous about it.

“Bad? You're talking as if I was raped or something” he shrugged as if it was no big deal for him which it wasn't.

“You were taken advantage of, and you don't even realize that, you think of it as some sort of an achievement” he couldn't help but snicker as you analyzed him.

“Hmmmm woahh.. I'm wondering why you didn't become a shrink” he said with a hint of mockery in his tone so you rolled your eyes and grabbed his tray to go do your job before this thing could escalate further.

Later that night you had just come out of the shower when you heard a faint knock on the door and you didn't have to take a wild guess regarding who it was.

He quickly entered as you opened the door so you closed it immediately before anyone would see him, as you turned around to look at him his eyes seemed sad and..just sad. Really sad.

“I'd choke her to death if my son had been touched like that” he said to you, his eyes now visibly teary and breaths shaken as he spoke, you neared towards him to place your hands around his waist.

“Exactly.. and you deserved that kind of protection as well, you lost your virginity to a predator, didn't even get your first kiss”

He wrapped his arms around your waist and placed his head down on your shoulder as he embraced you. Your fingers traced across the scar on his back, even through the thin fabric of his shirt you could feel them clearly and it made your heart twist uncomfortably. You couldn't help but wonder if it was from an injury, or if someone had intentionally hurt him so deeply. Perhaps one day, he would open up and share the story behind his scars, you hoped for that.

As he pulled away you cupped his cheeks and caressed his skin lightly, a part of you made you want to kiss his lips but you refrained.

"Your turn," he said suddenly as he stepped away from you with a casual demeanor. The vulnerability he had just shown you seemed to have disappeared instantly as if he had flipped a switch.

“What?” You looked at him confused so he walked towards your bed and sat down.

“You didn't answer my question this morning”

He reminded you of the stupid question so you sighed.

“Ohh that” you chuckled lightly in recognition so he nodded his head.“I don't have anything like that” he groaned at your response and rolled his eyes.

“Come on ..give me something”

You sighed as you sat down next to him.

“Fineeee” you bit on your lips as you thought of something to quench his curiosity.

“Okay but don't make fun of me”

You warned him so he chuckled.

“Don't give me a reason to do so” you slapped his arm playfully as he said that,

“Ummm okay here it goes..I can ummm make myself.. okay I don't know how to say it..i can give myself a release in thirty seconds” you mumbled quickly so he turned his body to look at you.

“You can make yourself cum in thirty seconds?”

“Mmhm”

“How so?” he raised his brows as he enquired.

“It's weird” you replied, not wanting to reveal more than you already had

“Show me..i like weird” he responded with a shrug, clearly intrigued

“I'm not going to show you” you replied firmly,

“Describe it then”

Daemon insisted, not willing to let the matter drop. You sighed as you knew this was a losing battle.

“You're annoying”

“Thank you. Now go on”

“Fine pervert ..i just squeeze my thighs, put my hand in between them and press on it a few times and then bam .. orgasmmmm” you revealed as fast as you could, his mouth hung open as he looked at you, wanting to see if you were messing with him but you seemed quite serious.

“That's it? Is this a regular thing that you do?” he asked you curiously.

You couldn't believe you were sharing all this to a man, a man that was your friend. You had a man friend, that felt nice.

“Yeah it relaxes me”

“But what do you think of when you're doing it?”

“Anything..there's not much time to create a script” you chuckled to lighten up the tension so he smirked.

“You're pretty cool you know?”

“Yeah right”

“No you are, you're the coolest girl i have ever known”

And your eyes moistened as he said those words so earnestly.

Next morning as you stood in the pantry, gathering your lunch items, you overheard a conversation between the other staff members and it immediately made you anxious

“Did you hear? The 'crazy dragon guy' is finally being transferred to the lone ward,” one of the guards mumbled, sounding a bit relieved.

Daemon had been doing good in the therapy this last week because Dr. Vis was out of his hair and he hadn't done anything to punish him, that was until today.

Dina then revealed that he had attacked two guards, Jacob and Darryl while they were waiting to escort him back from his therapy session to his room. While listening to the other staff members gossip about Daemon's behavior, you struggled to keep your emotions in check, not wanting to raise any suspicion regarding your attachment to him.

You walked out of the pantry muttering under your breath, 'Why would you do this, Daemon?' Why couldn't he just stay calm? The thought of him landing himself in even more trouble filled you with worry and disbelief. The lone ward was a filthy place, patients were left alone in the dark without food and water for a day and your heart rendered as you thought about him being stuck there alone with no one to care for him.

You knew Dr. Vis must have been furious at him, Darryl and Jacob had to be hospitalized after the incident, their injuries were not life threatening but definitely severe enough to put them in bed for days..

The next morning as you went to his room he had still not returned from the lone ward, how long would they keep him there you wondered?

When three days passed you started to feel sickly worried about him, and you missed him alot, you missed his stupid attractive face, and his smirk and that smile on his face and the way he was just able to warm his way into your heart, you missed it all. He was all alone in there and you had no idea what additional torture Dr Vis was subjecting him to.

As you went to the staff area that day, you heard people gossiping about something so you sat down as well.

“Perhaps Jacob and Darryl are suffering from a head injury, they are taking nonsense” one of the guards John said so Dina looked at him curiously.

“What do you mean?” she asked curiously.

“Everytime they're slipping back to consciousness they're screaming in fear and asking to be saved from the monster”

“I'm so lost’ Dina responded again so John turned to her.

“Apparently they saw him contort and turn into something else when he had attacked them, like a monster, they are rambling on about him growing scales and wings-”

Your heartbeat raised as you heard that, this couldn't be a coincidence right? Or maybe he did give them brain damage.

“Aren't you scared girl? Has he ever attacked you? You go in there everyday”

Dina asked you so you shrugged in response.

“He has never attacked me, it's possible that they made fun of him or pissed him off in some ways” everyone looked at you weirdly as you said that and you didn't want that kind of attention on you “or perhaps he's crazy..who knows right? I have to get back to work..see you folks” you mumbled as you got up and stepped out, grumbling under your breath.

In the evening you finally heard the commotion outside so you stepped out of your room to look down from the corridor and they were dragging him away from the lone ward back to his room. You could see other patients booing him off as he walked past them. You barely got a glimpse of him but he seemed hurt and miserable, he couldn't even walk on his own.

“What have they done to you?” you mumbled under your breath as you had no choice but to wait for the night time to go see him, you didn't want to risk getting caught by Dr. Vis.

At night you cautiously made your way to his room and perhaps it was your luck but there were no guards outside his room. It was as if Vis was setting him up for failure, you always felt that he had something personal against Daemon.

Without knocking you quietly entered the room but much to your disappointment he wasn't in there, you were about to step out when you heard the shower running so you calmed down and waited for him. A few minutes later the bathroom door swung open, your heart skipped a beat at the sight of him stepping out with one towel wrapped around his waist and another hanging around his neck.

“What are you doing? Get the fuck out of here” Daemon's voice filled the room as he glared at you, his face riddled with anger and frustration. You rose to your feet, taking in the sight of him as he dried his hair with the towel around his neck, his gaze never wavering from you.

Despite having prepared yourself for the worst, his words still cut you like a knife

"Are you alright?" you asked, your voice quivering. The response you received was far from what you had expected but you didn't want his anger to deter you from comforting him, he had been through something and you wanted to be there for him.

"Why the hell do you care? You're just a stupid maid I'm fooling around with so don't let it get to your head, alright?"

The sting of his words was enough to bring tears to your eyes as you struggled to process the sudden shift in his demeanor. His words cut deep so without saying a word more you turned around to leave, you knew he was suffering and you knew he had been hurt in the lone ward but what he had said still bothered you deeply. You couldn't hold back your tears as you laid down in bed, looking back now you felt foolish, of course he was messing around with you, in the outside world he wouldn't even look at you let alone be your friend. Or more.

The following morning, for the first time in the last month you felt awkward going to his room, now that he had made his feelings clear about you, you wanted to maintain your professionalism as you should have done from the start, you were determined to just do your job and get out of his room.

As you stepped inside his room, you approached the bedside lamp to turn on the lights, he was still asleep so at least you didn't have to deal with him. Your eyes fell upon the scars on his back but then you also saw several bruises which you weren't able to see at night. Was this allowed? Were they allowed to hurt a patient this way?

As he turned around in bed you quickly shifted your gaze and focused on the job at hand.

Last night felt blurry to him, he was medicated, beaten up and so fucking angry but as he looked at your face, the night came rushing back to him, what he had said to you began to haunt him, how could he say that to you? His guilt only intensified as he struggled to understand how he could have been so cruel to someone who had shown him nothing but kindness and care since he had been thrown in here. He had not meant to hurt you, and yet, his words had caused you so much pain.

“Y/n” he mumbled your name but you didn't look at him, he was such a jerk he thought. Why would he subject you to his anger like that? He had no right, you trusted him, you considered him a friend and he had broken that trust in the wake of his anger.

“Heyyy” he got up to grab your hand so you glared at him and he let it go immediately.

“I'm sorry” he mumbled softly so you shook your head in response, feeling a lump form in your throat. You knew speaking without breaking down into tears would be nearly impossible.

“Why are you sorry?” you asked in a voice so small he could barely hear it “I'm just a maid afterall.. you could treat me like one right?” You said to him as you walked away to grab your cart, you weren't strong enough to deal with this right now.

Your words caused him a great deal of hurt but he deserved it for being such a jerk, he looked down in shame before he got off the bed to approach you.

“I didn't mean a word I said, I was angry and-” you cut him off mid sentence as he said that.

“And what? You were hurt so you hurt me?”

“You shouldn't be around me when I'm like this darling” he said, his tone softer but still tinged with guilt.

“Like what huh?” you demanded, frustration taking over as you looked away,

“I'm sorry, please just talk to me. Just look at me, heyy” he mumbled as he placed his hands on your shoulders, by this point your eyes were already dripping, you didn't even know until now how deeply you had started to care for him.

“Why did you come hmm?” He asked you so you looked at him in disbelief.

Was he really that dense?

“Because I had missed you..that is why” your voice barely a whisper as you confessed.

“So did I..”

“Is that why you insulted me?” you asked as you turned away from so he grabbed your arms and turned you towards him again so you'd look into his eyes..

“No please..do whatever you want to do to me, just don't stop talking to me darling..don't stop looking at me” his voice broke as he spoke and it only made you feel worse. He was suffering and you didn't want to add to it but you wouldn't allow this behavior, you won't let him take his anger out on you whenever he wanted.

“You can't treat me like trash just because you're hurting..”

“I can't..i know I can't..but I'm not perfect. I wouldn't be here if I was so perfect, i wouldn't spend three days in the ward if I was perfect” he mumbled as his eyes welled up with tears so you wrapped your arms around him to hug him. Perhaps he had needed it as much as you did because he immediately relaxed in your embrace, his body went soft in your arms as he held onto you tightly.

“Forgive me? Please?” He asked you as he pulled away so you nodded. So much so for the professionalism.

“What did he do to you?” you asked him as you caressed his arm riddled with several bruises.

“I’ll heal..don't worry about it” he cupped your cheeks and kissed your forehead before he wrapped his arms around you to hug you again, his nose sniffed around your neck repeatedly as he tried to calm his nerves.

“Why did you attack them Daemon?” You asked him so he pulled away, looked you in the eye before he stepped away from you.

“They were making fun of me”

You squeezed your eyes shut in utter disbelief as he said that.

“You can't beat up people for making fun of you Daemon”

“ I get that but I'd do it again if I have to”

“Daemon –”

“It's just who I am y/n..still want to be my friend?” He asked you as he smiled so you slapped his arm lightly before you got back to work. A part of you could tell that he was hiding something from you.

“Everyone from my shift .. they're going to visit them in the hospital this evening” you mumbled as you mopped the floor clean.

“And you're going?”

“I work with those guys Daemon..i have worked with them for two years now”

And you have known him barely a month, he thought.

“Fair enough”

He mumbled as he grabbed the mop to help you with the work. The gesture, though small in nature, really meant alot to you.

“Please don't get yourself in more trouble Daemon..i'm begging you” you mumbled softly as you took your gloves off once you were done and grabbed his forearm to caress the dark bruises, when you looked up at him he was staring at you,

“Is it bad that I want to kiss you right now?” he asked you, making your face heat up in response but you collected yourself.

“Mmmm yes .. friends don't kiss each other on lips”

“Who said anything about the lips?”

“Shut uppp” you smiled giddily, so he tilted his head to peck your cheek.

“Thank you for listening to me and forgiving me”

You smiled as he mumbled softly, as you were about to step out of his room he called your name once again so you turned around to look at him,

“Be safe out there” he mumbled softly

“I will…I'm not a child” you rolled your eyes playfully as you stepped out and his eyes teared up.

You didn't even know what had happened that day or why he had attacked those men. But he remembered turning into his dragon form, he remembered how easily it had come to him and it was all because of you. It was so easy to become who he was when it was the matter of your honor and your safety on his mind.

In the evening, you and a group of people, including Dina and Shyla, got together to catch a cab into the city. You took a seat next to Shyla, who remained quiet and withdrawn the entire time. Unable to resist the urge to ask her what was wrong, you nudged her a little

"Are you okay?"

She finally turned to face you and her eyes seemed teary

"Do you remember Tanya?" It was clear that she had something on her mind

“Of Course..what happened “

“Nothing..I just wonder how she's doing out there”

You hummed as she said that, why did she bring her up suddenly? It made you feel uneasy and it reminded you of the note you had found under Tanya's mattress.

As you all arrived at the hospital both Darryl and Jacob were transferred to a private room so you went there along with the group.

At first glance they looked really awful, you couldn't even imagine what kind of beating they had survived. Why did Daemon attack them so brutally? What had they said to him for him to get so violent?

"Y/n, can you bring me the juice box from the cafeteria?" you heard Darryl ask you so you nodded in response

"Sure, are you allowed to have it?" you asked, unsure if he was able to consume anything at the moment. He nodded, and you made your way to the cafeteria. For some reason, Jacob wasn't even looking at you.

Halfway into the cafeteria you realized that you had left your purse in the room so you turned around swiftly.

“He's a monster..nobody is believing us but he's the Satan himself or something” you heard Darryl’s voice as he vented his frustration from the other side of the room so you stood next to the door to listen to what else he was going to say. He wasn't exactly being subtle about it.

“Did he attack you two out of nowhere?” John asked them and there was a silent pause of a few seconds before Darryl responded.

“Stupid fucker here made a crass joke about y/n and that motherfucker just flipped..it was just a stupid joke”

Your mouth opened in shock as Darryl revealed that piece of information. Daemon attacked those guys because of you? Because they said something about you?

“Perhaps he has a crush on y/n..its kind of cute” Shyla said and earned the looks of disgust in response.

“Crush? Do you not remember what he had done to you, Shyla?” Jacob asked her so she went quiet again.

Upon returning to the center you locked yourself in your room and pondered over what you had heard. He attacked Darryl and Jacob because they talked shit about you? You knew how men could get so vulgar with their jokes behind women's backs but did he really care that much about you that he was willing to lose his freedom just to defend you?

For the first time in your life you felt butterflies swarming in your belly, you had always read about this feeling but never experienced it yourself. You had asked him and he could have told you why he had done it, he could have influenced you with that if he wanted to but he didn't.

In the midst of the night, you made your way downstairs, burning with an intense desire to see Daemon. You desperately wanted to talk to him, hold him close after the ordeal he had endured, and maybe just maybe he'd have touched you the way he did that night, you wanted that.

And perhaps you could have done all those things that night but you were frozen in your spot as you saw Shyla standing outside his door, she knocked twice before he opened it, pulled her inside and then locked the door.

For the first time in your life, genuinely and truly, you found your heart breaking in pieces and you despised the feeling. You absolutely despised feeling this way.

😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏😏

Note : This chapter was less heated in the sexy department and more heated in angst, hope you enjoyed it nonetheless.

Taglist

@anukulee @ammo23 @littledark11 @stupidthoughtsinwriting

@daenny-t

[inamindfarfaraway]

Here’s a sad thought about Princess Jasmine in Twisted: The Untold Story of a Royal Vizier, courtesy of listening to the soundtrack again and feeling the feelings about her and Ja’far: this version of the Sultan must be a really bad father.

We never see him interact with his stepdaughter. He already seems rather senile when he steals Scheherazade, and that’s sixteen years before the present day. His sanity may well have completely gone in that time. Even if it didn’t, he makes it clear in his one appearance that he considers everyone in his power to be objects defined entirely by how they can benefit him and remorselessly will torture, enslave and murder them on a whim. I doubt that he’d be sensitive or nurturing toward his child. Now, I think Scheherazade would be a great mother - but she never got to try.

The Sultan has evidently been very neglectful and distant, failing in his duties to teach the Princess how to be both a good person and a good member of royalty. Despite her being his only heir and old enough to marry and rule the kingdom, which apparently has no problem with a female sovereign, he’s let her grow up to be extremely sheltered and not at all adequately prepared for responsibility and politics. It doesn’t even occur to her that having her tiger assault a neighbouring country’s visiting prince might have consequences. The Sultan, and on his behalf the Captain of the Guard, don’t let her know important news and royal decrees: neither what a menace Aladdin is, leaving her vulnerable to him, nor the Sultan’s mass execution of the 2D Department, since for as insensitively egocentric as she is at the beginning, she’s still deeply sentimental and quick to empathize with the homeless peasant Aladdin, so I can’t believe that she wouldn’t be at least a little upset with the Sultan (or more likely Ja’far) over so many lost human lives.

More than that, her immaturity speaks to bad parenting on the most basic level. She hasn’t internalized the Sultan’s cruelty, but has learned his selfishness, entitlement, impulsiveness and poor emotional regulation. Her social skills are notably clumsy and underdeveloped (not picking up on Aladdin’s numerous red flags, “No high five”, “At least Abdul had a family who loved him!”, even cringing herself at the last one). The Sultan’s passed down absolutely zero wisdom of any kind.

Instead it’s Ja’far with whom she has a familiar father-daughter dynamic (“What’s up, are you mad at me?” “Where are you going?” “There she is!”). It’s him who shows concern when she runs away and gives the order to find her before all else, notices that she’s upset and talks her through her feelings, warns her about sexual predators, appreciates her idealism and effort. It’s him who provides the gentle but firm, healthy guidance and challenge that she needs to grow. Who sees her potential, respects and believes in her. Who loves her. However, he is ultimately in her service. Between the imbalanced power dynamic making him wary of treason (after all, the last time he had a stronger relationship than the Sultan with a woman the Sultan called his, it didn’t end well) and his other responsibilities taking away from their time together, he can’t be as influential a presence in his life as he’d like.

Maybe this why she’s initially so resentful of him. Subconsciously she does see him as a father all along, but he hurts her and lets her down sometimes. Like the Sultan, her only official parent, always has. That stings. The differences are that the Sultan hurts her much more, more consistently and without her best interests at heart… but Ja’far is the one she can lash out at and complain to and be a messy adolescent around, because firstly, he’s her subject instead of her ruler, and secondly, he’s actually involved in her life. He cares, and therefore yelling or halfheartedly trying to poison his wine will make an impact. The Sultan is untouchable. We know that she conflates the two in her head as unjust authority figures keeping her trapped and crushing her aspirations (“All the people who say I’m just dreaming, like Father and Ja’far”, one of the only times she mentions the Sultan). It’s easier to blame your problems on an employee everybody else hates than accept that your parent is a bad one.

Maybe this is the root of her discontentment as well, her yearning that she can’t articulate for something more than what the life she’s been given. The joke of “Everything and More” is that she doesn’t need anything besides what she has… but she does. She needs a competent, reliable parent. One who she can trusts loves her the person as her parent, not a servant of her bloodline, and she knows to love as such in turn.

No wonder she falls for “Orphaned at Thirty-Three” hook, line and sinker. She’s never known her mother. Her relationships with her paternal figures range from terrible to complicated. Having unconditionally loving, supportive parents and then suddenly losing them must be the worst thing she can imagine.

But in the end, the Sultan dies and her dad has to leave her. Although he found a way to live forever, it wasn’t enough to save her from the pain of being orphaned at sixteen.

[apricotmayonaise]

i wasn't sexually harassed by @/musashi, ya'll are just playing the telephone game.

hi, im slushy, i'm 15 and a half years old, i keep hearing these bullshit rumours about my friend wendy, or musashi, as is their tumblr url. i'm here to go on the record to say, that did not fucking happen. unfortunately, since i got banned in the server this went down in. (ha ha. how ironic.) might be tricky but i do have, like, 10 people who can back me up on this.

so, a rundown of events. me, wendy, and a few other people are in a vc. i post a poll about what i should go as for halloween. the options are pretty skimpy but hey, i'm fifteen, going on sixteen years old. i'm nearly an adult and by the time halloween rolls around i'll be old enough to work, drive, and fuck. i'm a teenager, not a toddler.

a couple server members, i think it was around five, voted on this poll. the mods, specifically the owner, got mad at wendy specifically. they said wendy was sexualising me. wendy was obviously like "no, when i look at a teenager in a halloween costume i see a teenager in a halloween costume. slushy's 13 years my junior, im not a weirdo."

the owner proceeded to get mad at wendy and then told me i should dress up as jesus? which is an odd thing to say. it was less of lingerie and more like a bikini. which gives me a feeling that the people getting mad are the type to sexualise teenagers at the beach.

anyway, wendy, with no warning, got banned for this. the mods said they gave plenty of warning but in those "warnings" they seemed to just be making friendly requests, not mod-ly orders.

the whole claim of wendy "offering to buy" me anything is also completely and utterly false. that didnt happen dawg

anyway, i was confused, angry, and upset about this. wendy was also very upset.

anyway, you know who i was groomed by?? someone else on the server who all the mods continue to reblog from and interact with. they know she's a groomer. i've told them. wendy's told them. at least five other people have expressed concern or disgust at this person's behaviour, and yet they continue to talk to the groomer.

i also want to add that i was completely and utterly spoken over. every time i said "wendy wasnt weird or creepy!" they didn't listen to me because i'm just a minorrrr. i'm just a little girl who obviously can't think for herselffffffff.

as for wendy being a "pedo apologist", i think this just refers to wendy...not being an antishipper? god forbid wendy, a grown ass 28 year old adult with adult responsibilities not get into internet discourse? also i find it pretty gross how we put "actual fucking child predators" and "people who don't care about online drama surrounding made up ships" on the same level of bad. one is something i can scroll past or block the tag of. the other caused me trauma, pain, and having grown up way too fast. fictional characters can't experience pain or tragedy in the same way real children and teenagers can.

this post is in regards to this anon message:

you are a bunch of sick people who don't care about real child abuse. you ignore groomers and let them fly under the radar to target people who you, personally, don't agree with. you're making a real victim into a false victim, and at the time of the incident it was sexual assault survivor's awareness month.

if you're going to call someone a victim, at least fucking listen to them. a real groomer is out there living her life while my friend lost a big amount of friends due to false allegations.

[droplet-dread-cat]

Good!Jin Guangshan

Have him be an absolute whore but let it be sanctioned by his wife - who is more like a second leader of Lanling-Jin as well as JGS's best friend rather than a love interest

Let him be just stupidly pretty to the point other sect leaders are flustered about talking to him and let him be so avidly against sexual harassment/assault that 80% of Koi Tower's staff are women well-versed in cultivation. In fact, let him be so oddly supportive of women's rights for this time period that there are three times as much female cultivators in Lanling-Jin as there are male ones.

And despite that all, let Jin Guangshan's hobby be visiting brothels of all things. When this version of JGS walks into a brothel, he comes out with five potential cultivators and at least one love interest that later on turns into a close friend.

In this AU, Qin Su isn't JGS's child but Jin Guangyao and Mo Xuanyu still are. Although Mo Xuanyu is younger because of obvious reasons. (Madam Mo was canonically sixteen when she had Xuanyu.) Guangyao, Zixuan and Xuanyu grow up with a lot of moms, one eccentric ass dad, about three hundred shijie and shimei, hundreds of aunts and quite some half siblings. Nobody knows who the actual heir is, since this JGS acknowledges all of his children equally but when the Jiang sect is decimated, it is agreed upon that Jin Zixuan will marry out and Jin Guangyao becomes the next in line automatically, no murder plots needed.

[lizzie-queenofmeigas]

https://www.tumblr.com/lizzie-queenofmeigas/756279777718075392/incest-and-age-gaps-dont-make-a-relationship

Same anon here, you and your mutuals just seem to refuse to understand that while other characters in the story - like daemon, viserys and Rhaenyra herself consider her “a grown woman”, so in the context of the story daemon didn’t do anything wrong - the viewer is still supposed to understand that Rhaenyra is still a teenager - regardless of what society considers her as.

I mean we see 17yo alicent with a child and heavily pregnant. The characters don’t see anything wrong with that, but the viewers should understand it’s messed up because she’s still a child herself.

Dany marries drogo at 13. She gets pregnant at 14. Again, the characters themselves don’t see anything wrong with that - but the readers def should realize a 14yo with a child is fucked up.

And btw @darklinaforever , child marriages are still very much a thing in today’s world. 14yo girls are still married off and have children. Are they different from “today’s teenagers?” That’s such a crazy and ignorant take. Before suggesting I open a history book maybe open the news and see what’s going on in other countries.

There’s nothing wrong with shipping daemyra. Hell, I enjoy the ship. But let’s not pretend the relationship is healthy - especially when he physically assaulted her.

Again, complain about the way George writes this to be the norm.

Daemyra doesn't have anything wrong with it, and I'm talking about the actual couple, not whatever the show is. He doesn't abuse her in any way and during their marriage they are mostly a healthy couple. People are just hyper alert nowadays about age gaps, but it doesn't make a relationship grooming or abuse just because they have an age gap. And I mean people older than sixteen.

And yes, the teenagers in that world act very differently to the ones in our world. They fight wars, build empires, do politics and tame fucking dragons.

[yourdeepestfathoms]

I was staking your ur yaelokre tag and I swa you were a published author and???????????? Would you mind me asking what exactly you published? (Infodumping encouraged!)

i’ve only got one published book out right now, which was done through self-publishing on Amazon, but i’ve sent two of my three manuscripts off to two different publishing companies to hopefully get them picked up and published! fingers crossed!!

my current book out is called Servant of Evil! it’s a historical fiction tragedy about the Salem Witch Trials, told from the perspective of one of the afflicted girls, Mary Warren. it details her involvement in the trials and how it rapidly tore the town of Salem apart, as well as detailing her slow descent into despair as the overwhelming guilt of her actions rips at her mental state.

the story is very grim and had me crying on several occasions, and i’m the author!

i wrote the book because i was hyperfixated on the Salem Witch Trials, which started when i was a junior in high school when we read The Crucible. however, it wasn’t until a year later that i actually started to do something with said fixation, as my mom took me to Salem for a graduation and 18th birthday gift, which reignited my passion for the event and got me writing! SoE was finished within two months, but it wasn’t actually published until January 2023.

here she is!

if you wanna buy the book, you can get it here!

do be warned, though, as the book is very heavy and covers a lot of serious subjects such as: self harm, suicide, sexual assault, abuse, and torture.

my other three finished manuscripts are:

Medusa’s Child, a three-part historical fiction series about Medusa raising a human child named Theodora (Teddi for short), who goes on to avenge her when she’s killed by Perseus. i have another account sharing details about the books: @mommy-medusa! (this is the one i sent to a publisher!)

Fog Makes People, a psychological horror-thriller duology about a fictional town called Lochmere that is haunted by a strange fog that causes people to go missing. sixteen-year-old Beatrice “Bee” Lamb is returning to Lochmere after spending some time away with cousins due to constant harassment from the community. she was the sole survivor of a fire at school that killed nine other kids, eight of which didn’t die from the fire itself but rather from being taken by whatever is in the fog. however, the night of her return, she begins to get texts from one of the fire victims, and she starts to realize that maybe the people who go missing in the fog aren’t actually dead. this send her down a rabbit hole where she desperately tries to save her friends, which is difficult in and of itself, but things get even more complicated when she officially discovers and subsequently meets the mastermind behind it all: an enigmatic, horrific creature known as the Rorschach. (this is the other one that’s been sent to a publishing company!) (this one is my favorite, i’ve spent so long developing it.)

and Hell or High Water, a survival horror-splatter punk set on a cruise ship called The Grey Palace, following a teenage girl named Violet Nicotero. this cruise ship gets hijacked by some maniacs and stranded out in the middle of the ocean, where the passengers are slowly picked off by these mask-wearing freaks. (i hate this one so much. it was my first ever book written, and it was supposed to be my debut novel, but i started to resent the whole thing after editing it so many times. i got too frustrated with it, so i put it aside to work on SoE instead, and it’s been in timeout for about two years now ever since.)

they’re all my babies, and i hope to get them all out in the world one day, including all my works currently in development hell!

[needcurse]

»»        * 𝒢REY 𝐻OLLOW    ஐ🪽 . . .      my eldest sister had grown into a gossamer slip of a woman with hair like spun sugar and a face out of greek mythology…

         ▍   note:   this dossier is not spoiler-free so if you plan reading hous.se of hollow just be prepared for that. also, this book sits firmly in the horror genre and dark themes will be explored and discussed here and in threads with grey. everything will be tagged accordingly but big content warnings for gore, suicide,  body horror, child death, and mentions of sexual assault.

» DOSSIER.

full name: grey hollow ( real name unknown ) aliases / titles: director hollow, the soul-stitcher, guardian of the halfway age: 21-30 ( real age unknown ) birthplace: london, england current residence: wherever her career in fashion takes her. gender: transfemme ( she / her ) sexuality: bisexual species: changeling human birthday: june 2nd occupation: former runway/editorial model, currently the lead fashion designer at house of hollow zodiac: gemini sun, moon in leo, virgo rising

» APPEARANCE.

hair: pale blonde, nearly white eyes: pitch black height: 5’11” / 180 cm body type: long, extended limbs, a ballet-dancer's build, strong and lithe voice: a sweet voice with an undertone of gravel. her laugh is low and intoxicating and she speaks with careful locution notable features: a crescent moon-shaped scar at the base of her throat... it was once quite gruesome but it has healed in time to a pale, raised mark, perilously sharp canines, a predatory grace to her gait

» ASSOCIATED MOTIFS.

black widow spiders. a venus flytrap, arctic foxes, cuckoo birds, wisteria, carrion flowers, silver knitting scissors, crawling lichen over bark, the thread of ariadne, theseus & the minotaur, arachne

» HISTORY.

     it has been ten years since the hollow sister first went missing.     ten years since they disappeared off a street in edinburgh on new years eve,    in plain sight.     it has been nine years and eleven months since the three girls were found.    nine years since gabe hollow committed suicide after having his daughters returned to him.    no one knows where the girls went.    no one knows why their hair turned white.    no one knows why their eyes turned black.    everyone wants answers but there are none to be found... 

     grey hollow wears her secrets like silk.     diaphanous and enticing all while revealing nothing.    a puzzle box of a woman,    intent on feeding her own myth for personal and monetary gain.    grey was sixteen when she left home and she hasn't looked back since.    in the years leading up to her modeling career,    grey took on crafting of all sorts to make ends meet.    her most successful hustle by far being taxidermy.    her interest persists to this day but the hobby fell to the wayside once she was discovered and boosted into fame and fortune.     

     no one remembers the forgotten month,    no one but grey...      the burden of being the eldest,    of being charged with being her sisters' keeper.    the sisters hollow live at a distance because peculiarities begin to unfold in the event of their close proximity.    grey being the strangest of all three still exudes it even in the absence of her sisters.    she channels weirdness into weaving.    this penchant for peculiarities into thread and lace and pearls.    her designs evoke a realm of the fantastical and grotesque.    art that reflects her reality rather than what a regular person would see.   

SPOILERS AHEAD [ ! ] grey has known that her and her siblings were changelings since they came back from beyond the veil.    she has studied multiple texts and spellbooks,    in her research and she has found a way back to limbo multiple times.    over the years she has passed back through the veil and back into the mortal realm beyond the notice of her sisters or other folk.    being the eldest,    grey had been the one to stitch her sisters into the skin of the once-mortal hollow girls.    together they are three dead souls living in the flesh of three other dead girls.    souls that escaped in-between by stealing the appearance of lost children.    

     grey has no moral quandary over what she had done to grant her and her sisters another life.    she doesn't remember who she was before,    her only drive was survival,    to carve out a place for herself into the life of another girl...    and what a woman she has become.    enigmatic and at times cruel,    she is someone you want to get to know but seems too far to touch.    her fame allows a strange anonymity;    as she can easily control the narrative surrounding her,    considering her specific skill set,    while still operating in the public eye.    people only know what she wants them to know about her;    nothing more,    nothing less.    

» ABILITIES.

pheromones: everything about her entices you,    draws you in.    like a poisonous flower she seems to be all beauty at first but there is a special kind of poison in her touch.    simply brushing skin against skin with grey makes you susceptible to compulsion.    she can persuade people to do whatever she wants with nothing more than a kiss.    although all she really needs to do is brush a thumb across a wrist,    or a palm at your cheek.    it is not only touch,    her whole presence makes people want to please her and get her attention.    it is a hunger and this power when unchecked actually can result in aggression rather than placidity.    in the case of her younger sister,    iris who doesn't quite have a handle on her abilities.    whoever comes into contact with a sister may try to attack them,    to consume them,    to kiss them,    to have them intimately and violently.    grey has managed to channel all of these feelings outward.    she is the thing that hungers,    she is thing with teeth in the dark.     there is a catch!  those who have been in close contact with death or have had a near-death experience of their own are immune to the sway of the hollow sisters.    since their magic is rooted in their own deaths it cannot touch those who have crossed the veil as well.    

heightened agility & strength: pretty self-explanatory.    grey is more durable than a regular mortal and her strength is fairly immense.    her power is heightened with every trip across the veil she makes she grows more strange and more powerful.    she returns a little less human after each crossing.     

chlorokinesis: the sister with a green thumb.    iris notes that wiseria in particular has a fondness for grey and has at times crawled into her mouth during sleep.    this is a less an active skill and more a passive ability.    from an outsider's perspective there seems to just be a mess of flowers about grey hollow.    specifically carrion flowers,    better known as corpse flowers, often crop up in her wake.    very on the nose but since she is a rotting thing herself it is no surprise that her presence actively fertilizes the ground around her.    

potions / runic magic: grey is not a practiced witch or really an official witch in any regard.    her studies really only surround ways to cross the veil but she has delved into runic magic and potions specifically as they help assist in her crossings.    she also frequently weaves spells into her designs and creations.    it has been rumored that her perfume lovingly dubbed: hollow is a potion as well given it's rather…    unique scent.   

conditional immortality: it is implied that grey can repeat her initial act of stealing a body. considering she still has access to the world beyond the veil it is possible for her to stitch herself into a new body once her current one has run its course. she can jump from host to host although it is not as easy as slimply slipping a coat on and off. a potential host has to be of similar build and make, and it requires an immense amount of power to eat away at the life, the guts, the baggage that comes with a new set of skin.

» VERSES.

ninth house / dark academia: a fashion design student attending yale university in order to gain access to the houses of veil. grey is a member of manuscript and is a skilled mimic and illusionist in her own right. her main goal for joining the ranks of the ancient eight is to seek a way to be rid of the minotaur that has been hunting her down for most of her adolescence. circumstances reach a fever pitch when the bull arrives on campus along with her youngest sister, iris hollow.

        » affiliated with @daylighter

high-fantasy: no one knows the origins of lady hollow... only that she is the most sought after seamstress across the realm. grey has built her reputation on the magic she weaves into the garments she constructs. a witch for a talent with needle and thread it is said her creations can make even the most lowly alluring to all. her true motivations are not know but it is wonder how she ends up in such high places when she is a woman of little means and station. she is often seen by the side of monarchs both large and small whispering in their ear gossip, imbuing them with doubts and reassurances alike.

grishaverse: born of a ravkan mother and kaelish father, grey has kept her abilities as a alkemi hidden from her sisters and parents alike but when her younger siblings catch onto her abilities. she begins to use her potions to conceive of her grandest lie yet... that she is a distant lantsov heir and therefore in the line of succession for the throne. grey's specialty are serums that make those who come into close proximity to her susceptible to her will and her art of persuasion. essentially these are mild poisons that function closer aphrodisiacs more than anything else. this elaborate ruse is all means to secure a position of safety for her and her sisters as they have had to live in hiding until now.

[a-thousand-lives-lost-for-peace]

this is my own personal headcanon for pre-re1 jill valentine

Jill was raised to be independent from a very young age, her father a thief, and was taught through games and puzzles as a child how to pick locks and find the best ways to figure things out. She was raised to be attentive to nearly every small detail, and she soon was able to pick out things that nearly nobody else would have been able to see, growing up homeschooled in an attempt to bring out the best in her own capability.

She was mostly taught by her father when he had the chance to, but largely taught herself, learning things on her own. She was taught knots, lock-picking, she was taught martial arts, and was encouraged to play sports, enrolling into a rugby team at around thirteen years old.

Once she was a little older, her father began to take her out to his scouting sessions, often beginning to point out flaws in a building, openings that could be taken advantage of. She had already done a substantial amount in martial arts by that time, and was taught how to break into a building without leaving a trace behind, how to skim important documents for details and other stuff that could be valuable, as well as how to move silently.

Jill had also often been taken to a gun range, and was taught how to handle firearms properly and safely, though she and her father never used them. They moved to the U.S when Jill was ten years old, staying in the Midwest.

Jill worked with her father as a thief from when she was sixteen up till she joined the military at eighteen, having never been properly caught by law enforcement.

She had a determination that set her apart from many of the other recruits, pushing through and excelling when it came to certain tasks of the training, such as bomb disposal and infiltration.

Upon joining the 75th Rangers Regiment, and gaining the callsign Sparrow for her strong determination to persevere, her inability to be contained, her father came to visit her on base, taking her out to go on a nighttime walk, and once he did so, pointed at the sky and squeezed her hand, telling her that “his eye is on the sparrow”, a means to encourage her and reassure her.

She soon took that to heart, inscribing that on the lockpick that saved her life after Arklay. Jill’s career kicked off in the early 1990’s, serving in the U.S Army as a soldier.

While she was part of the army, she quickly gained the attention of recruiters searching for potential candidates for Delta Force; the nation’s primary counter-terrorism unit. Jill had initially served in the 75th Rangers Regiment, though she quickly moved onto the nation’s special forces, the Green Berets, before she was finally contacted by a recruiter working for Delta Force, and she soon accepted it, enthusiastic about the offer.

She was allowed to take part in the 6-month, extremely intensive training course, where she excelled in lock picking and especially bomb disposal. During this period of time, she built up a reputation of being resilient, courageous and precise in her work; and she excelled during her training.

After she completed her training and gained experience serving in the force, she was one of the only women in the world with Delta Force training. Due to her excellence when it came to stealth operations, especially breaking into buildings without leaving a trace, her capability with lockpicking, Jill was often sent on solo missions as part of manhunts or anti-terrorist operations, operating in high-risk high-stress environments, and her position as Captain helped her immensely.

She excelled when it came to ambushes and gaining intel or special reconnaissance operations, and for the majority of combat operations worked within Squadron A as their recon/sniper trooper, assisting in direct assault.

Jill was incredibly skilled with melee and with firearms, having trained with Jack Krauser when it came to close combat, using her agility and speed over brute force - she was far quicker and used that to her advantage.

[sad-eyed-lady-of-the-paperbacks]

“Do you see this bouquet man, this monsieur aux camélias, he’s sitting there and laughing at us … […] Well, then, why did I torment him for a whole five years and not let him leave me? As if he was worth it! He’s simply the way he has to be … He’s still going to consider me guilty before him: he brought me up, he kept me like a countess, money, so much money, went on me, he found me an honest husband there, and Ganechka here, and what do you think: I didn’t live with him for five years, but I took his money and thought I was right! I really got myself quite confused! […] Why did I waste my five years in this spite!”

- The Idiot 1.15 (Pevear & Volokhonsky translation)

This quote from Nastasya Filippovna absolutely destroys me and I want to make a second and slightly more coherent attempt at explaining why.

The following text post is potentially triggering, I’m putting it under a cut.

This man stole so much from her—her entire life, really. From the time she was twelve years old, he began to mould and shape her for his own purposes, and then the second she became the age where it was legal (sixteen), he began using her sexually.

(And let me digress for a moment to point out that although it was legal, that doesn’t mean it was just what people did back then. The idea that teenage girls in the 19th century were just being married off to older men left and right is a widespread misconception but decidedly untrue. It would have been highly frowned upon for a man his age to be having a “relationship” with a girl her age—see Raskolnikov’s reaction to Svidrigailov talking about his 16 year old bride-to-be, or the fact that Grushenka is referred to as having been “a child of seventeen” when she was seduced by Musialowicz. People in the past were not so different from us, and they would have had the same reaction to this abuse of power that we do, even if they wouldn’t articulate why it is so damaging in the psychological terms we would use today. And worse still, Totsky was her legal guardian, which gives the whole thing a whiff of incest—incest being a popular gothic trope, and certainly intended by Dostoevsky to elicit horror from the audience.)

A single incident of assault is traumatic enough, but the impact of what happened to Nastasya is just catastrophic. She has absolutely no way of knowing who she would have been without Totsky’s influence, no access to the kind of therapy it would take to try to separate that from herself. She does not even know who she is. By her own words:

“I almost do not exist now and I know it; God knows what lives in me in place of me. ”

- 3.10

So now, it’s her 25th birthday. And she already knows she can expect no apology from Totsky, because this conversation already happened:

[…]he said frankly that he was unable to repent of his initial behavior with her, because he was an inveterate sensualist and not in control of himself […]

-1.4

But she wants, I think, for him to acknowledge or at least begin to comprehend the harm he has caused her. The way that he forever altered her life and her sense of self. Totsky thinks she can be married off and get on with life as though nothing had happened, but that’s not possible for her, and she wants him to acknowledge or at least see that this is the case.

She wants to make him face himself, in the way we saw Avdotya Romanovna manage to do to Svidrigailov in Crime and Punishment.

When he chooses to tell that stupid story about the camelias, she sees once and for all that it’s not possible. Totsky is incapable of examining his own role in her outburst at the party. He is incapable of empathising with her and recognising his culpability, too self-centred to even try to imagine how it must have been to experience his disgusting actions from her perspective.

He is incapable of beginning to understand how damaging it was that she lost her entire family at 8 years old, only to be again uprooted at 12. She had been virtually adopted into this German family, and then one day this older man (who probably made her feel uncomfortable in a confusing way she couldn’t pinpoint) came to visit, and just like that she had to lose her family all over again. To go from a simple life in a busy household full of other children to an isolated, luxurious house with no one but this new governess to teach her all these refined subjects, and a childless widow supervising her. I imagine the complicated emotions she must have felt whenever she thought of that man who was paying for all of this; the confusion and guilt—because surely she should be grateful to this man, right? She would have no way of explaining even to herself any negative feelings he gave rise to in her, any vague unease he might have given her. Nothing concrete had happened yet. And she had no one she could talk to about any of this.

And then when she turned 16, that man came to visit again, and shattered her world even further.

But Totsky is incapable of ever facing up to any of that. When she prevented his marriage five years ago, when she continued to take his money for five years while tormenting and irritating him in every way she could think of, he couldn’t see that as anything but a reflection on her character. As far as he is concerned, she should be grateful to him for the the money he’s spent on her lifestyle and education, and the sexual stuff (abuse!!!) just shouldn’t be that big of a deal. He’s a sensualist—he can’t help it. Why is she making such an issue?

When, at this party, she tries to wrest at least some semblance of power back into her own hands, from his perspective, she is simply making a scene. To him, she is a beautiful woman who tragically went mad. To Totsky, it is simply an unfortunate shame.

So in the above quote, we see her coming to the realisation that Totsky was never worth her pain and spite and rage. He will never introspect, he will never reflect, he will never change. The bouquet man is not capable. This is what he is, and he will never be anything else.

And now she sees only one place she can turn that rage, that destructive impulse: onto her own self.

[v3nusxsky]

Yo if you don't mind could I please request a lady lesso X student!reader who is 18 where r is top of their class however they have a secret kid who they had when they were 16. Nobody in the school is aware of this fact until one day r goes to lesso's office for help as a last resort and accidently interrupts a staff meeting in tears carrying a toddler in their arms and explains that they are sick and have tried everything but their fever won't go down and how they are terrified because everything else comes so naturally to them but being a parent is so hard. Dovey helps the kid while lesso calms r down asking why r didn't come to anyone sooner because they would have been happy to help. Lesso gains a soft spot their kid plus crush on r after this moment and they become their own mini family.

Precious Angel|fluff h&c

*Authors note~ I love writing these kind of fics. Oc Delilah is mine, changed the age she gave birth for the timeline*

Trigger warnings ~ mentioned sexual assault resulting in a child, panic + anxiety attack

Prompt~ see ask^^^^^^^

✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩ ✩

Being a teenager is hard enough, but being a teenager and a mother at the same time? Yet you seem to handle it. At the age of sixteen you experienced something you wished to prevent for your daughter in the future, something no girl should ever have to deal with. Clarissa was the only one to know of your pregnancy and was even there for you when you gave birth to your daughter at seventeen. Truly, you don't think you would've managed it without her support. She helped you heal from the assault and adjust to having Delilah rely on you constantly as well as keeping on top of school work. Although you had the option for help, you could proudly say you'd done everything you possibly could for Delilah.

Delilah wouldn't settle, no matter what you did or how hard you tried to soothe your baby. You rocked her humming to her, you'd given her medicine to try and combat her slightly warm temper, you fed and changed her and even tried pacing with her in your arms. Nothing was working now, your hushed whispered as you tried to soothe her and ignore the panic you were feeling. You were failing her, and that broke your heart. "Love bug, it's okay momma is here, please baby girl I'm trying my hardest lilah. I love you baby please shhh it's okay, you're okay, you're safe" you cooed over and over hoping somehow your voice would soothe your daughter but it seemed that she was just feeding off your panic.

You did the only thing you knew how, you grabbed her changing bag, her pacifier and favourite stuffed toy before setting off in search of Clarissa. Your daughter clinging onto your side her little chubby fits banging on your chest as she wailed. Your stress and panic only building when you didn't find her in her office, you could now feel the tears prickling in your eyes. What else could you do? But she needed help, you needed help. So you made your way to the only other Dean of the school, slightly fearful of her reaction but desperately trying to help your daughter.

You didn't even knock, the wails of your daughter was enough to alert the occupants of the room to your arrival. There stood a very shocked Leonora and a concerned Dovey, she instantly came to hold Delilah seeing how you weee seconds away from falling apart. "She won't stop crying, I'm sorry. I tried everything nothing works. God it's so hard why did I think I could be anywhere near a good enough Mother to her. She's had medicine, been fed burped and changed and I can't get her fever down. I'm falling her" you whimpered as sobs now wrecked your body.

Instantly, Leonora was up crouching down to gather you in her arms, "shhhh sweetheart it's okay. We can help, Dovey is soothing her love. You need to calm down she can sense her momma isn't okay darling" she murmured rocking you slightly, your eyes trained on Dovey now soothing your baby. Her wails eventually turning into whimpers and sniffles before she drifted off to sleep in Clarissa's arms. Only then did you fully allow yourself to break, turning to hide your face in Dean of Evils face.  "Darling, you could've come to me, I would've helped like Dovey does, she's a sweetheart I can tell just like her momma" she whispered as you snuggled and wiped your tears looking at her seeing only truth laying there.

Days had passed since you had interpreted that meeting with Delilah, Lady Lesso popped by every evening, she would help you settle Delilah for the night, your daughter instantly obsessed with her, tugging on her bright orange hair and offering a cheeky toothy smile. It warmed your heart to see her like this with someone, not even Dovey was given the same pleasure. She loved Dovey but this was different, perhaps she shared your love for Leonora. Days turned into weeks and weeks into months, your daughter being the reason why you got to tell Leonora of your feelings and thankfully she returned them for you and your daughter.

Life was a blissful kind of perfect you never thought you would have other than in your dreams, your daughter calling Leonora "ma" or "eso" and you "mommmamamam", when you had classes your daughter would either be in Doveys office or Leonora's, Delilah may have came about in an unfortunate way, her own father wanting nothing to do with the beautiful child but she had the most amazing momma aunt and ma to love and care for her no matter what. Raising Delilah with Leonora was a dream come true and you couldn't wait to see what the future would hold for your little family of three.

Word count ~ 1004

[farfromstrange]

Foreigner's God Masterlist

PAIRING: Matt Murdock x OFC

AO3 — Spotify — #foreigner’s god

❝ Sometimes, the greatest power lies not in what we can control, but in what we can uncover within ourselves. In the depths of darkness, secrets await, and it is our choice to embrace them or let them consume us. Together, they embarked on a journey to unearth the truth, unaware that love, like a tempest, would shatter all their plans and rebuild their world anew. ❞

⤹ SUMMARY:

She was born with the ability to manipulate reality and the world around her. Hydra raised her and turned her into their deadliest weapon until the Avengers saved her and offered her a chance at a better life. A dark past often comes with secrets that demand to be uncovered. There might actually be more to it than meets the eye, a kind of power that’s been sleeping deep within her, waiting to be discovered. But how does one get over losing everything without losing themselves?

One reckless night on a rooftop, a bad decision leads the Devil of Hell’s Kitchen right into her arms, and he decides to tag along on her journey down the past.

As it turns out, Matt Murdock is a man unable to take no for an answer when he has set his mind to something, and once she decides to let him into her heart, all the plans she made for the future fall apart.

Or, in which a troubled Avenger forms an alliance with Daredevil to fight a common enemy and save their city, but they end up saving each other instead.

⤹ CONTENT WARNINGS:

SLOW BURN, Canon typical violence, ANGST, EVENTUAL SMUT, light BDSM, Oral sex, daddy kink, praise & pain kink, blood & cum play, Switch!Matt, toxic behavior, language, severe mental illness, PTSD, implied/referenced torture, substance abuse disorder, self-harm, mentions of sexual assault, Hydra, age gap, religious imagery and symbolism, eventual romance, some fluff, mutant powers, mentions of child molestation, near-death experiences, catholic guilt, NOT TONY STARK FRIENDLY (at least until chapter 40 or so), turning good characters into bad guys, not completely canon compliant

-> There will be chapter-specific warnings before each chapter because they tend to vary with each one!

⤹ AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Hello everyone! I didn’t expect this to blow up the way it did, so I decided to edit the entire Masterlist and repost it while I continue editing the chapters on AO3 and here, too. Welcome to everyone who’s new here!

Likes and reblogs are always appreciated!

I’m trying not to describe any specific physical traits like body shape, hair color, etc. (although I think I called her skin “pale” once or twice in reference to her lack of sun exposure) in any of the chapters. The character was assigned female at birth and also identifies as female with she/her pronouns, but other than that, I do not give her any traits other than her name – Eliza Bennett. Her looks are entirely up to your imagination! So you can view this as a reader insert or not, whatever you want. It’s up to you how you interpret this story.

-> Series takes place in early season 2 and continues from there on.

-> This work is 18+ ONLY!

[the asterisk (*) indicates explicit sexual content; (^) indicates the chapter has been edited to fit the new style]

— ACT ONE: HYDRA —

chapter one: I Did Something Bad (^)

chapter two: Raise A Little Hell (^)

chapter three: I Think He Knows (^)

chapter four: This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things (^)

chapter five: Hold Me While You Wait (^)

chapter six: Ivy (^)

chapter seven: right where you left me (^)

chapter eight: doomsday (^)

chapter nine: Block Me Out  (^)

chapter ten: 1 step forward, 3 steps back (^)

chapter eleven: New Invention (^)

chapter twelve: It’s Nice To Have A Friend (^)

chapter thirteen: Devil Town (^)

chapter fourteen: Family Line (^)

chapter fifteen: So it goes…* (^)

chapter sixteen: Do I Wanna Know?* (^)

chapter seventeen: Look Who’s Inside Again (^)

chapter eighteen: Anti-Hero (^)

chapter nineteen: You’re On Your Own Kid  (^)

chapter twenty: Innocent* (^)

chapter twenty-one: Green, Green Dress*

chapter twenty-two: mirrorball*

chapter twenty-three: The Avengers (pt.1) 

chapter twenty-four: The Avengers (pt.2) 

chapter twenty-five: For Real This Time 

chapter twenty-six: Black Out Days 

chapter twenty-seven: Dear Reader

chapter twenty-eight: Look What You Made Me Do 

chapter twenty-nine (Bonus Chapter): Haunted

chapter thirty: Hayloft II

chapter thirty-one: Running Up That Hill (A Deal With God)

chapter thirty-two: Chasing Cars

chapter thirty-three: How To Save A Life

chapter thirty-four: Foreigner’s God(*)

chapter thirty-five: long story short*

chapter thirty-six: this is me trying*

chapter thirty-seven: New Romantics*

chapter thirty-eight: Lavender Haze*

chapter thirty-nine: As It Was*

chapter forty: Monster*

chapter forty-one: Daylight

— ACT TWO: PUNISHER —

chapter forty-two: I’ll Get The Coffee*

chapter forty-three: She Knows*

chapter forty-four: Cold As You 

chapter forty-five: Bird Set Free 

chapter forty-six: Human*

chapter forty-seven: Would’ve Could’ve Should’ve (^)

chapter forty-eight: Bad Blood (^)

chapter forty-nine: Dark Paradise (^)

chapter fifty: Meet Me In The Hallway (^)

chapter fifty-one: Demons (^)

chapter fifty-two: Say You Won't Let Go (^)

chapter fifty-three: I Will Be Your Remedy (^)

chapter fifty-four: Dancing With The Devil (^)

chapter fifty-five: Why Am I Like This? (^)

[horizon-verizon]

“You shouldn’t watch HOTD from a modern perspective!!!”

While I think this is a stupid ass argument because I am not a peasant down in Flea Bottom… but fine I’ll bite.

Here are some things you can’t get mad about since we should watch from a “medieval POV”:

Alicent’s marriage

Alicent was not a child bride in Westeros standards. The legal age of majority in the Seven Kingdoms is considered to be sixteen years of age. She was of marrying age. Laena even makes a comment about how she wouldn’t have to lay with Viserys until she turned 14. Alicent was either the same age as Rhaenyra (whom was 14 in episode 1) or older so she was old enough to be married and therefore was not a child bride. Female characters such as Aemma, Helaena, Rhaella, Rohanne Webber, or Genna Lannister were younger than Alicent when they were married off.

Viserys/Alicent marital rape

Doesn’t exist. Marital rape wasn’t even considered a “crime” in all 50 states until 1993 (which wtf is up with that ?) so you cannot call Alicent a victim of assault when that assault doesn’t even exist or isn’t even acknowledge as assault.

Viserys “parental neglect”

No king (or really any lord for that matter) in medieval times actually spent time with his children. It was rare that royal children even got to spend time with their parents.

Show!Alicent was like 15 when she married Viserys AND the age of marriage can be any age as soon as a girl gets her period. Even 15, 14, 13, etc. 16 is for boys, the time they can take leadership of a house, property, etc in his own name. Nothing to do with marriage, even if it is the case of a girl being heir, she is not eligible to be an "official" head until she is 16, which is why Rhaenyra is 17 before she actually moves into Dragonstone and she is 16 when she becomes officially and takes the title of the "Princess of Dragonstone".

Kings of Westeros and real EU spent an embarrassingly amount of time with their kids. Esp in comparison to his wife/Queen Consort. Viserys told tales of Jaehaerys to his grandkids often. Jaehaerys was said to spend time with his kids, but the expected amount of time for a busy male ruler. The royal couple--both husband and wife--were expected to not really spend the amount of time we consider necessary bc they were expected to look over their duties and some had tutors, nurses, etc. who spent way more time with the kids than them. The higher class you went, the less time you spent one on one with the kids.

So, yeah. That argument is pretty dumb. There's a society out there where grown men imbue young boys with "spirit" so they become consummate warriors....it exists today. In the modern world. Look it up, and yes it is what you think it is. What makes a thing bad is the effect it has, which could be layered and nuanced according to circumstances but not always. Best not to slather that excuse as soon as you see something up; best to examine what you see. And sometimes it's just very obvious.

[ragingbookdragon]

Can we see more Spades? Do you have any physical description of hers? I love her so much!!

I like to imagine that Spades is somewhere a mix between the energy of Cate Blanchett's "Hela/Galadriel" and Angelina Jolie's "Maleficent/Lara Croft". She's strong, confident, lithe, sneaky, but regal, and at times kind, and funny.

Spades is a special woman. Her origin is unknown, but her family's history spans several thousand years of being contracted killers. And they've perfected said art of killing. Spades was the oldest of five children and the first in line to continue her family line, but she knew from a young age that children weren't supposed to do this, she shouldn't have to fight like this. She holds a lot of resentment towards her mother for not breaking the cycle of putting their daughters through traumatic experiences to simply continue killing.

Matriarchs run the clan, but there are a few elder patriarchs that have esteem within the family and have weight in their words. Spades has a particular uncle, Javad, that she is most always at odds with as he believes Spades is a stain on the family line--he waits for the day when he can kill her in combat, a storyline I have yet to explore but want to.

When Spades was assaulted as a child by one of her trainers, she went to her mother and begged her to do something, but her mother essentially turned a blind eye for the sake of not causing issue, though as a mother, it deeply hurt her to let her child be hurt like such. It continued until Spades was sixteen, when she decided to have her revenge and in a moment of one of the assaults, bit her attacker and ripped his throat out, staring into his eyes as he choked on his blood.

Her family was enraged that she would kill a family trainer, but she made her stance on her family known. She left the family's monastery at 21 and became a freelance assassin but when she began establishing herself, she established herself as a somewhat morally decent assassin. She'd kill bad people, for a price. She'd pick the bigger evil if it meant the lesser evil would pay her. Of course, she has no fee for human traffickers, assaulters, and enslavers, and gladly kills them when she comes across them.