#she wanted protections to make her work safer!
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Saga of Solitude 15/21
Nepo!Baby Bradley and his life at USNA and afterwards. DADT fully in force. IceMav AU. (Begun prior to 'It's not who you know' - the non-angsty version). (Side Hangster, which is ALSO angsty).
PROLOGUE (He remembers)
HANGSTER FIRST MEETING (Lonely Nights - set 2009)
PREVIOUS CHAPTERS
ONE (2000) TWO (2001) THREE (2002) FOUR (2003) FIVE (2004) SIX (2005) SEVEN (2006) EIGHT (2007) NINE (2008) TEN (2009) ELEVEN (2010) TWELVE (2011) THIRTEEN (2012) FOURTEEN (2013)
CHAPTER FIFTEEN â 2014
               Tom has it narrowed down to three candidates. Heâs been chipping away at figuring it out, not making it a top priority, but definitely something he keeps circling back to. The man who he wants to keep a closer eye on, even if itâs been five years he suspects that Bradley hasnât exactly forgotten him. He had tried gentle probing questions, only to have them deftly avoided. Clever of him, and Tom knows heâs no doubt had practice from when he was younger and serving under DADT as well as protecting Tom and Peteâs own relationship.
               However Bradley hasnât even told Natasha, because heâd also carefully asked her and sheâd simply blinked at him in surprise before shaking her head, saying she didnât know anything, but that if Bradley had slept with anyone heâd been very discreet, because she heard gossip, and there hasnât been any about Bradley. Well. Other than him apparently being secretly married to her. Tom doesnât know why he should even care so much, other than Bradley is his son and he wants to protect him as much as possible, despite the fact that Bradley is now over thirty and more than capable of looking after himself. He has his own house, not that he stays there very often, preferring to be in the center of things and being here in the family home with Tamsin and Petra.
               Except Tamsin and Petra are growing up too, Tamsin in her last semester of high school. Sheâs been accepted into California-Irvine and heâs so proud but he is also not prepared at all for her to move away. Heâs glad sheâs decided to stay within state at least, and he knows Bradley likely helped sway her in that decision. Which is why he wants to find some way to ensure Bradley is never held back in anyway. So heâll keep trying to work out exactly who it is that he still so hooked up on.
âŠÂ           âŠÂ           âŠ
               âSheâs going to prom,â Pete says again, and he knows heâs maybe belaboring the point, but also he canât believe that Tamsin is in her last year of high school, is so capable and accomplished and intelligent. Hell, she runs circles around him on the regular and yet he canât fathom how the little baby girl he held in his arms over seventeen years ago is now taller than him. A fact everyone seems to great joy in pointing out to him, however he can still pick her up and carry her. Her boyfriend hasnât stopped trying to impress them, and Pete canât say he likes the young man, and he has tried, thank you very much Bradley.
               âWish I could have gone to prom with youâŠâ Ice says, stepping in close and wrapping his arms around Peteâs waist. He leans into him, never feels safer than when heâs like this.
               âYeah? You want to dance with me?â
               âAlwaysâŠâ
               âWe pretending weâre at prom?â Pete asks with a grin and Ice smiles, the soft-gentle half smile he uses when heâs feeling particularly sentimental. He feels Iceâs arms tighten around him and there isnât any music, but then Ice starts humming quietly and his own smile grows wider and he presses a kiss into the side of Iceâs neck. âGod I love youâŠâ
               âLove you too. So much Pete⊠Did you ever think weâd get to have this life?â
               Pete startles a little, surprised at the question.
               âOf courseâŠâ
               âSeriously?â
               âYou didnât?â
               âNot in my wildest dreams. Every day I am grateful I get to have⊠all of this. You. Bradley, The girls. Sarah and Melissa. Hell, even Aubrey is a blessing.â
               âWe are very lucky. Want to get luckier?â
               âThis was a nice momentâŠâ
               âItâll be even nicer soon. Let me take you to bed?â
               âYeah. Please.â
               âMmm. Begging already. I like it.â
               âBegging you to stop talking. You used to be a man of action, not wordsâŠâ
               âPfft. Iâll show you actionâŠâ
               âIn a bed Mav, come on.â
               They undress with no haste, helping each other, trading kisses and running hands over bare skin as itâs revealed, Iceâs touch on him causing repeated full-body tingles, they always have. He hopes his own touch has the same effect, thinks it does with the way Ice shivers and presses against him, murmurs his name quietly under his breath and kisses at the soft skin just behind his ear. He presses a gentle kiss over the newly healed port scar from Iceâs cancer treatments, suddenly overwhelmed that he too is grateful that he gets to have all this. Heâd have been content with just Ice to call his own, but to have his odd little family, to have a son and two daughters who are all turning into these amazing individuals.
               âPeteâŠâ Ice says, voice deep and raspy, the way it gets when heâs just woken up or when heâs getting really turned on. Then there are warm dry fingers wrapping around his cock and he follows Ice down onto the bed, lets his hands find purchase on Iceâs hips as he rocks against him. Itâs warm and comforting, and despite wanting everything else to go fast in his life, this, with Ice right now, is something heâs happy to draw out. Knowing they donât have to rush, not the hard-fast-desperate times that they had in the beginning, terrified of being caught.
               Heâs married to this man, itâs on his record and they live together, always come home to the same place. He realizes he didnât think heâd get to have this, but he had always hoped and dreamed he would. That despite everything heâs damned lucky and he shouldnât take what they have for granted.
               âYou want to fuck me?â Pete asks, straddling Iceâs thighs and grinding his erection in a rocking motion against Iceâs.
               âYes.â
               He grins then, knows his face is probably scrunched up in happiness but he doesnât care. They donât do this very often, itâs more effort than either of them are usually wanting to put in, but sometimes itâs exactly what they both want. He leans back, rolls off the bed and pulls open the bedside table drawer for lube; hears Ice shuffle off to grab towels. He follows, uses the glass on the sink to have two large glasses of water.
               âYou planning on working up a sweat?â
               âYeah⊠you better be able to keep up.â
               Ice snorts at that, but follows his example and throws back a glass of water, but his eyes stay on him, the light grey-blue shaded darker with arousal and Peteâs cock jerks in anticipation. Ice, being the smug bastard he is, and because he knows him so well smirks, lets one of his hands come to rest on Peteâs flank, fingers digging and rubbing and pulling him close so they can rub together. Heâs being moved, Ice using his height and breadth to encourage him back to the bedroom, like he somehow needs convincing.
               âHiâŠâ
               âHi. Can weâŠâ
               âAlways trying to rushâŠâ
               âNot this. Not with you.â
               âI know.â
               Then heâs on his back, Ice dragging him so his hips are raised on a couple of pillows, which are covered with one of the towels. Ice kisses him, then thereâs the slick slide of fingers between his ass cheeks and he reaches blindly for him, needs to touch him so he can feel grounded, know that Ice is there with him. Itâs not fast, Ice always takes his time, makes sure now that heâs not going to cause any pain or even discomfit. Pete has learnt that heâs allowed to just lie back and enjoy. The whole preparation aspect is something Ice takes pleasure in, the building anticipation and knowledge he has time, permitted to touch Pete and make him feel good. He does that now, their years together making him an expert in Peteâs body.
               Pete doesnât often have the patience for this; time shifts and passes in a liquid state, seconds measured in kisses against his skin, minutes in the growing and easing pressure of fingers stretching him. Heâs hard and leaking, feels like Ice has been driving him around the edge of a whirlpool for hours and heâs just waiting for them to get sucked down together. He feels Iceâs cock push into him and he lets out a groan, cants his hips to make the press deeper and letâs Ice manhandle him so his legs are around his waist.
               âIceâŠâ
               âYeah. I got you MavâŠâ
âŠÂ           âŠÂ           âŠ
               Heâs home five weeks early, and theyâre managing to pull it off, and god, if he makes her cry and her mascara runs sheâs going to kill him. But itâs her prom night and while theyâd planned on him arriving during a school assembly to surprise her, theyâve modified it because sheâs going to prom alone because her boyfriend is an asshole.
               So.
               Bradley is going to turn up in his dress whites, sweep her off her feet and heâs going to consider himself lucky if Tamsin doesnât punch him. Sheâs standing with a group of her friends, nearly all of whom he recognizes, Ice and Mav are failing at hiding behind a pillar, Petra with them and looking bored. A lot of sets of eyes are on him and he can see someone making a signal for the music to be turned down, and that has Tamsin and her group look around and he steps forward, hand out stretched.
               âCan I have this dance?â
               âBradley!â
               Then heâs being hugged tightly, she looks so grown up and heâs reminded again that parents do this all the time; that he works with some who leave their young kids for months at a time and heâs simply an older brother. He steps back to take in her dress and hair, is pretty sure Mav and Tom probably had collective heart attacks given the split up the side.
               âYou look amazing.â
               âI know!â she laughs. âIt took hours. I cannot believe that some people do this every day before they leave their homesâŠâ
               Thereâs applause and heâs got the usual thanks for your service and he nods and smiles his way through it all, because heâs in the service to fly planes because he canât imagine doing anything else, and if it has the added bonus of serving his country then thatâs okay. But he knows what came first for him.
               He dances with Tamsin, can actually dance the more formal and traditional dances but steps away when she starts throwing her hands up to a song he doesnât recognize. So this is what old age begins to feel like. Ice and Mav have left, and some of Tamsinâs teachers come and introduce themselves, and he finds it a little alarming that one of them is in fact younger than him, the others only a few years older and he hopes his freak out about being his age isnât showing on his face.
               âYouâre actually in the Navy huh?â a man asks, and he thinks this is Tamsinâs English teacher.
               âYes. These are my actual dress whites. Thought Iâd try and make tonight better after her boyfriend decided to dump her.â
               âAh yes, heâs a bit of a social pariah now. Tamsin is well liked.â
               âGood. Sheâs awesome.â
               âThe words of a completely unbiased bystander, Iâm sure,â the guy says with a gentle teasing smile and Bradley turns slightly, thinks heâs being flirted with.
               âProtective and proud older brother instincts arenât ever going to go away. Iâll be in a rocking chair and Iâll still think sheâs awesome.â
               The glint of something intensifies and Bradley raises an eyebrow, licks his lips and doesnât miss the other manâs eyes flick down to the movement.
               He is never telling Tamsin that he got a blowjob from her English teacher, however he also doesnât feel like heâs so ancient after all, so heâll definitely count it as a win.
âŠÂ           âŠÂ           âŠ
               Tom isnât an idiot. When Petra turns sixteen he very politely recuses himself from even being an option to teach her how to drive. He did it with Bradley and Tamsin. Petra is another thing entirely, and he knows Pete has already let her drive his motorbikes up and down the airstrip at the hangar, has no doubt that sheâs already done the same with a car. He can only hope that Pete doesnât make any exceptions around safety. He doesnât expect he will, he never has with Bradley or Tamsin. Itâs only his own body heâs a little reckless with. They both come back super excited, fizzing with more energy than he knows what to with and later when theyâre curled up in bed Pete admits he knows what heâs going to get Petra for Christmas. Laps at the nearest racecourse.
               Tom sighs.
âŠÂ           âŠÂ           âŠ
               âHey Bradley?â
               âYeah Pet?â
               âIf you try and pull that prom bullshit on me I will castrate you and make you wish youâd never been born. Got it?â
               Bradley snorts.
               âYeah. Got it. Is that a no surprises ever, or just big public ones where you might cry?â
               âNo public ones. Nice surprises are fine.â
               âOkay. Well Iâll try and keep the big public displays saved up for Tamsin.â
               âYeah. That sounds good.â
âŠÂ           âŠÂ           âŠ
               âI have to look over these promotion recommendations before sending them on to the SECNAV. Weâve got a young aviator who chalked up an air-to-air kill, so heâs being recommended for accelerated promotion to Lieutenant⊠A Jake Seresin.â
               Tom recognizes the name immediately. Jake Seresin. He remembers having dinner with him, heâd been polite and engaging, flown in a way that made him itch to be in the sky again. Heâs also on the very short list of men that are potentially Bradleyâs ill-advised hookup that he is adamant about leaving the fuck alone. Tom isnât so sure, but also heâs got a feeling in his gut that this is him. That Jake Seresin is the young man that Bradley hooked up with. Which makes him worth his attention, but it doesnât stop him from halting the other manâs career trajectory. He signs the paperwork giving his recommendation for promotion and asks for an invitation to the ceremony.
âŠÂ           âŠÂ           âŠ
               âJake.â
               âLieutenant Bradshaw.â
               Bradley bites back his immediate retort, because he guesses he deserves that.
               âCongratulations on the promotion.â
               âIâm sorry, are you talking to me now?â
               âWell, weâre currently the same rank so I canât have the fraternization rules thrown at me as a warning. So yeah, I guess Iâm talking to youâŠâ Bradley starts, even knowing that the previous difference in their ranks is a weak excuse for his previous behavior.
               âYeah well, Iâm not listening. Catch you around Bradshaw.â
               Fuck.
               So much for trying to apologize.
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*banging pots and pans together* ILSA FAUST DIDN'T REALLY WANT TO QUIT INTELLIGENCE WORK SHE JUST NEEDED A WORKERS UNION
#she wanted rights!#she wanted protections to make her work safer!#she wanted guarantees from her employer!#all she needed was a little bargaining power. a little leverage.#in my heart of hearts that's what she's spent all this time doing#trying to unionize the british intelligence assets#THAT'S why her old colleagues know how to and WANT to get in touch with her#that's why she's still in the game#someone tell me just enough about british workers' unions to make this funny#like who's the union org that in 2016 had the most bizarre meeting of their life#mission: impossible#ilsa faust
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Arcane Characters Dealing With Problems Badly
Pairing: Jinx, Vi, Caitlyn Kiramman, Ekko, Silco, Sevika, Vander, Jayce, Viktor, Mel x Reader
Tags: angst, fluff, comfort, getting into fights, working late, protectiveness, massage, fake smiles, lack of sleep
Ko-Fi | Rules | Fandoms and Characters
A/N: Arcane S2 is approaching and with it my emotional breakdown.
JINX
Bites her nails a lot out of nervousness
Relentlessly tinkers away at her desk, hardly even eating or drinking anything to make sure her body doesn't shut down
Talks with the people she sees but you don't and then tells you that she's fine because she's not alone, clearly she isn't fine, she doesn't want you to worry
Gets angry when you ask too many questions about her problems
Feels bad right after but there are just some things she's not ready to talk about, family things that she needs to sort out, but are free to stay by her side if it will make you feel better
VI
Pretends that there's nothing wrong
She learned in prison that showing any weakness if a bad thing so she tends to avoid it if she can
Hopes to distract you with kissing and flirting
Says that one of the best ways to get over things is a good fight so she seeks those out until she feels better
Of course this means that she comes back with a lot of bruises and maybe even a broken rib or two, but hey at least she got everything out of her system
CAITLYN
Obsesses over her problem to the point of losing sleep
Knows this is a problem for her but doesn't know how to fix it, she only knows how to fix other problems, and always before her own
Fell asleep at her office desk quite a few times
Doesn't even come home some nights but greets you down at the Enforcer HQ and gives you a kiss when you hand her the morning cup of coffee
Takes very short breaks to spend some time with you
EKKO
Includes you in solving most problems he needs to solve but doesn't give up until it's done
Takes a few unnecessary risks in the process
Risks his own safety, never someone else's, least of all yours
Call him stubborn if you must, he will admit that he is but everything he does is for a better future of you and all of his friends, for that no risk is too great
There's not a job dangerous enough to keep him away from it, he will try to keep you away, for your safety
SILCO
Can get a bit worked up when things don't end up going his way
Maintains a calm exterior when dealing with other people
In his job he needs to seem like he's in control of things even when he's not
Always tells you when he's gonna stay late so you don't worry that something happened to him, not realizing that you worry because these long nights have been getting more frequent
Finally has people who he can call h
SEVIKA
Good luck with trying to get her to open up with anything that's emotionally taxing on her
Blunt when she needs to threaten or insult but extremely slow when revealing her emotions
Would much rather drink, fight or fuck them away than give them a time of day
She's always been like this, you shouldn't expect her to change any time soon
Gets very guarded with her emotions if you try to prod at them, yet she's careful not to let her anger out on you, she likes you more than most people, you're fun
VANDER
Tries to avoid dragging you into his problems if he has anything to say about it
He knows you notice that he's more on guard, more careful when the bar is open, his eyes scanning the crowd for danger
Does tell you to keep your eyes open for anything suspicious but no more than that, he can deal with it when the time comes
Cracks a lot of jokes to make you feel better, safer
Promises that nothing will happen to you while he's still in charge, and he will keep it that way too
JAYCE
He's had to put on a fake smile more times than he can count, he can do it now too
Usually he's very honest with things that bother him, it's easy to open up to you
Yet this time he's closed off, working away on his blueprints, furiously writing things down in his notebook and even forgetting to eat the sandwiches he loves so much
A massage does help relax his pent up shoulders, he knows it's not good for him
Only when he's at the end of his rope does he admit what's been bothering him and let you help him
VIKTOR
Usually he closes himself up in his lab to work late nights so it takes a few nights for you to notice there's something wrong
He hasn't been sleeping at all, not for a few days
Barely keeps his eyes open yet insists that he's fine and that you don't need to worry about him getting sick from lack of rest
Takes short rests when you're in the lab with him
Needs to be dragged away to bed if he's gonna get any real sleep
MEL
Really good at pretending to be fine and being in control of things, even when she's pretending in front of you
Being in the Council for as long as she has she had to learn how to keep her guard up
Kisses your cheek when she tells you that her problems are her own, not for you to worry your pretty head about
Will spend the night with you but be gone first thing in the morning
Her nightmares get worse the longer this goes on
#arcane x reader#jinx x reader#vi x reader#caitlyn x reader#ekko x reader#silco x reader#sevika x reader#vander x reader#jayce x reader#viktor x reader#mel x reader#arcane imagine#arcane headcanon#arcane angst#league of legends x reader#league of legends imagine#league of legends headcanons#league of legends angst#arcane x you#league of legends x you
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Pale Blue [Part Two]
Geto Suguru x AFAB Pregnant Reader
READ PART ONE HERE
Warnings: THIS FIC IS CANON COMPLIANT, if you are not caught up on Jujutsu Kaisen's manga, or at the very least if you have not seen "gojo's past" you WILL be spoiled. This story contains darker themes, heavier topics, pregnancy and all the lovely details of it, and lastly explicit sexual content. Read at your own risk!
A/N: Here she is, months overdue, but here she is. I know nobody will want to read my author note considering the behemoth before you but I just want to thank you for sticking with me for so long. I am, of course, already working on part 3 and will continue to work on it as I continue my hiatus. The only thing I ask of you is to take your time and enjoy! I know I am going to be returning to inactivity very soon but your comments, reblogs, and asks are always welcomed and always appreciated. I love y'all endlessly and I hope you enjoy it.
WORD COUNT: 36.1K | Playlist
September 2007
Two weeks had passed since you discovered you were pregnant with Suguruâs baby. Now you were sitting in a dull waiting room, blinded by fluorescent lights as you waited for your name to be called. Shoko had taken the news well, not that you expected her to be shocked in any capacity. She had said something along the lines of âI knew it.â when you had told her the next day, Satoru, who was by your side, was slightly disappointed she didnât have a bigger reaction. âAre you sure you donât want me to go back with you?â Shoko had leaned closer to you, whispering so other people in the waiting room wouldn't hear. âIâm sure, Shoko. Iâll be okay.âÂ
It had taken weeks to see a doctor, mostly because she had been booked out. Your morning sickness hadnât gotten much better, so you assumed you were still lingering somewhere in your first trimester. September was slowly coming to an end, with October looming on the horizon the world had slowly begun its transition to reflect that. This transition brought you the weather you really needed, allowing you to wear comfortable baggy clothing. âThe perfect time to hide a pregnancy.â you had mused, much to Satoruâs disdain. Your leg bounced at the memory, your hand coming to rest on your stomach. It was a habit that you had picked up shortly after the test came back positive. You felt the urge to protect them, even though they were as safe as they could be, snuggling in your womb. There was truly no place safer for them right now.Â
Things hadnât gotten all that easier either, within the past two weeks, you had to live through the one month anniversary of Suguruâs deflection. It had been harder to swallow than you thought it would be, the sinking reality that four weeks had passed since you had seen his face was unbearable. Going from seeing him nearly every second of everyday to nothing at all felt as cold as the air at night. You had to wonder what he was doing at that very moment, maybe he was up making those girls breakfast. The idea of him being a father already, caring for those two little girls, it made your heart flutter and sink at the very same time. You wanted to be there, you wanted to help him, you wanted to tell him you were pregnant, that he got what he wanted.Â
âY/N Y/L/N?âÂ
You blinked back into reality as Shoko hit your arm, a nurse dressed in light pink scrubs was looking around the waiting room after calling the next name on her list. You nearly jumped out of your chair, motioning for Shoko to stay where she was as you got up and made your way over. You ignored the small grumble from her, it seems she had still intended on following you back for the appointment despite your reassurance of being okay to go alone. âGood morning dear, follow me.â You mustered the best smile you could in response,uttering a soft âmorningâ as she grabbed the door handle to enter the portion of the office that held the exam rooms. You went through the routine process, having your weight and height checked before being brought into a private room. It was different from other doctors offices, there was an ultrasound set up and various posters about sexual health and pregnancy scattered about. It made you feel a bit dizzy.Â
âSo we had you take a urine sample and get your blood while you waited, I have the results of the urine test but not the blood yet. That should be ready for you once the doctor is ready to come in and perform the exam⊠in the meantime letâs go over the basicsâ She was typing on her laptop as she spoke, looking at you briefly as you nodded. Your hands were clasped together in front of you, feeling cold and clammy at the same time. You shifted due to your nerves, the paper below you crumpling as you fidgeted. The nurse went through the basics, making sure your insurance information and home address was correct. âYouâre in college?â she questioned absentmindedly, as if trying to make small talk with you. âNo, not yet. I graduate high school in the spring.â You felt your face grow warm as she let out a soft âoh.âÂ
Luckily for you, she didnât press further and hid her judgment within seconds. You kept your eyes trained on the floor as she continued her interrogation, getting your basic health and allergies on file before shutting her laptop and gracing you with a fake smile. âAlright then, thatâs it for my portion of the exam. The doctor will be in shortly to discuss your results.â You nodded, thanking her quietly as she left the room. Silence rang in your ears as you were left alone with nothing but your thoughts. hands still clasped tightly together as you dragged your eyes away from the floor and observed the examination room. There were shelves on the wall with various pamphlets, all of them geared towards women's reproductive health and pregnancy.Â
You used to laugh at those things when you were younger, wondering if anyone would even bother taking them. Now, you were tempted to get up and go grab a few for yourself. But as you moved, the paper crinkled so loudly that it made you still again. It reminded you of just how silent the godforsaken room was, it reminded you of how alone you were. Now, as you sat there, you wished you had just let Shoko get up and follow you back here. You needed someone to talk you off the ledge, it was likely Shoko would have been allowed back here with you, considering most women brought their partners with them. It would have brought you two a good laugh for the nurses to assume you were a lesbian couple.Â
You could hear Shoko now, coming up with some asinine plot to what the nurses probably thought was going on with the two of you. Probably contemplating who your ârealâ partner was considering Shoko couldnât get you pregnant. Though, your partner still wasnât aware of his child growing within your body. Suguru should be here in this room with you, sitting in the empty chair across from the exam table you sat on. He should have been filling this empty space with jokes about how nervous you looked, making you laugh and forget why you were scared in the first place. But he wasnât. You were doing this alone. That was the part that hurt the most, because this whole âdoing it aloneâ thing was your choice.Â
At some point during your storm of emotions, you had begun to blame yourself for Suguru not being with you. Your brain took the liberty of twisting the events in your mind so harshly that they had deteriorated all together, you couldnât recall the truth anymore. Somewhere along the way, you had convinced yourself this was your choice, that Suguru wasnât here because you were keeping him away. A quick couple of knocks on the door signaled the doctorâs arrival, effectively pulling you out of your forlorn daze. âGood morning, how are you?â A short, plump woman entered the room with a cheery smile, one you couldnât help but return. âIâm alright.â Which was pure bullshit, but she didn't really need to know your whole life story.Â
âAh, thatâs better than most answers.â she chuckled to herself, setting her clipboard down on the counter and reaching for soap so she could wash her hands. You found yourself flinching, suddenly feeling bad for lying to a woman who hadnât known of your existence until walking through that door only seconds prior. âI have the results of your blood testâŠâ she started, scrubbing her hands until they turned visibly soapy. âIf it were bad news, Iâd be telling you a lot more formally than this. However, your results were looking very good! Youâre definitely pregnant.â You let out a shaky sigh of relief, hand resting over your stomach again as you smiled. âThatâs wonderful news.â because, despite everything, it really was. You could now look at this as a shimmering ray of hope peaking out among your storm clouds.Â
The doctor smiled, turning off the water and reaching for paper towels. âYour results indicate you are roughly around the eleven week mark. Youâre nearly done with your first trimester.â That was a bit jarring to you, and by the look on the womanâs face, she could tell. âItâs not unusual for some women to go a while without realizing, some women donât even know they are pregnant until they go into labor and assume itâs kidney stones. Have you missed your cycle?â She was pulling blue gloves over her hands as she spoke. So much information being thrown at you that you had to blink for a moment before uttering âIâve been going through some things in my personal life, I suppose my last cycle was sometime in June then⊠I assumed it was stress.âÂ
âThat would line up with the HCG levels, you likely got pregnant early to mid-july. But donât worry, I should be able to pinpoint it a little more accurately with an ultrasound.â Your heart skipped a beat, you hadnât expected to see your baby this soon. You watched her move to turn on the machine, brows creasing as you began trying to shift through your hazy memories. You figured it was likely useless to try and pinpoint when Suguru could have gotten you pregnant, because the damage was already done at this point. You realized you hadnât responded, clearing your throat a bit as she walked over to the machine and began turning it on. âSo, Iâll be entering my second trimester soon? I-is it alright that I didnât know for this long? I-is the baby okay?â You felt your lip tremble as you spoke, suddenly more anxious than before.Â
âOh honeyâŠâ the doctor stopped what she was doing and reached out a hand to place it over your own. âYou are perfectly fine, baby should be doing good too. Weâll get to hear their heartbeat in just a few minutes and Iâll be able to give you a rough timeline for the rest of your pregnancy. I can assure you, itâs okay that you didnât know until recently. Weâll get you on some prenatals and other vitamins to keep you and baby in tip-top shape.â Her presence was grandmotherly, it set your racing mind at ease. Mentally you would have to remember to thank Shoko for finding this woman for you. âThank you.â you breathed out as she placed some of her supplies on the metal tray beside the exam bed. You had so much you could say at that moment but thanking her was the only thing that would come out. âNo problem, honey.âÂ
A few beats of silence passed before she spoke again. âAlright, Iâm going to have you lay back and lift your shirt for me, pull down your sweatpants a bit as well.â You took a shaky breath, nodding as she moved around the table to flick off the main lights. The exam room was left in a golden glow from the small lamp on the desk in the corner, paired with the fluorescent-ish glow from the ultrasound screen. You did as she instructed, lifting your shirt and pushing down the waistband of your sweats so your stomach was no longer obstructed. âThe gel is going to be a little cold, but it warms up quick.â Your throat felt dry, so you nodded, hands clasping tightly together to rest on your chest as you watched her squirt some of the clear liquid on your abdomen. âIâm also going to have to press down a bit, which may cause some discomfort at first but I assure you that the baby is safe while I do this.â You nodded again, mouth feeling too dry to respond verbally at that moment. âAlright, letâs see your baby.âÂ
You gave a shaky smile, eyes immediately focusing on the black screen as she pressed the ultrasoundâs wand to your stomach. You flinched a bit before getting used to the feeling of the wand pressing so deeply. âSorry, honey. At this stage the baby is so small that we really need to get in there⊠if this doesnât pick them up then I may have to do an internal ultrasound.â She was walking you through each step, which you were abundantly grateful for. After a little bit of searching, she let out a happy sigh as something small and vaguely baby shaped appeared on the screen. âThere they are! At this stage they are just starting to kick and stretch, but they are too little for you to feel it yet.â You couldnât breath, eyes zeroing in on the tiny little thing that was your child. The doctor was smiling, using her other hand to take pictures and measure.Â
âAh, what an over achiever, they are nearly two inches in length right now! They are measuring a little ahead.â You couldnât help but smile, eyes turning a bit glossy. âJust like their daddy, heâd be so proud.â The words felt foreign but at the same time they felt just right, your head would surely implode if you dwelled on it for too long. The doctor only chuckled, clicking some buttons on the keyboard to snap more pictures as she moved the wand around your stomach. You were thankful she didnât inquire further about the father, though you were sure it was probably against practice to ask such personal things outright. âWell, mama, would you like to hear their heartbeat?â You inhaled sharply, eyeing her suspiciously to make sure she wasnât joking. âI-I would love to.â your tone was shaky, hands curling at your sides as she smiled. âAlright, one sec.âÂ
After a small stretch of silence, you heard it. Through the speakers, the strong and steady heartbeat of your baby met your ears. You let out a choked sob, the noise surprising you as your hand shot up to cover your mouth, it was probably the best thing youâve heard over the course of the last month. You didnât want it to end, you wanted to sit there on that table and look at your baby, hear their heartbeat, for as long as you possibly could. âThey are doing wonderful, mama. Itâs too soon to tell the gender, but the baby is doing great. You have nothing to worry about.â you nodded, heart aching a bit as she turned the sound off and pulled the wand away.Â
âIâll have those pictures printed so you can take them home.â She wiped the gel off of your stomach, tossing it in the trash before moving around the table to turn the lights on again. You sat up, wiping your eyes as you pulled your shirt down and readjusted your sweats. âThat would be wonderful, thank you.â you chuckled a bit as she handed you some tissues for your face and nose. âNow that weâve got all the fun stuff out of the way, Iâm going to prescribe you some prenatals and other vitamins like we discussed earlier. If youâll give me a few minutes, Iâll go get things in order so youâll leave here feeling a little less overwhelmed.â You smiled, thanking her again as you resituated yourself on the table. She stepped out a moment later, still grinning.Â
Once again you were âaloneâ, but this time it didnât feel all that lonely.
â
âDid you really mean what you said last week?â You set your pen down, looking across your room to see Suguru sitting at your desk. You were both working on different assignments but still wanted to spend time together. âHmm?â Suguru set his own pen down, turning his body to look at you where you sat on your own bed. âAbout⊠ya know⊠wanting to get me pregnant.â You watched a shy smile pass over Suguruâs face as he sighed. âYeah⊠I meant it.â He started softly, hand coming up to rub the back of his neck. You had to chuckle at the fact that Suguru had stuffed an extra pen through his bun, just in case the other died while writing. âI guess you could say I have baby fever.âÂ
âBaby fever, huh?â you teased, putting your notebook to the side as you did. âYeah, baby fever. I just⊠fuck I donât know itâs been a thought on my mind for a while now. I keep seeing these happy families, their small children giggling and playing and⊠I started daydreaming about what it would be like to be a father. When I envisioned our baby, fuck my heart just melted.â he sighed, face turning a little red before he continued on. âI started thinking about how cute youâd look pregnant, how cute youâd be as a mom. How sweet it would be to hear their little voice calling you mama.â Your lips parted, completely entranced by the world he was painting you.Â
âSuguru.â you stated rather bluntly, smiling as his head shot up to look at you. At some point in his rambling, he had begun staring into space, as if envisioning the things he talked about. âY-yeah?â You laugh softly, crawling off your bed and crossing the small space until you stand before him. âCome here.â You smile, hands gently cupping his cheeks and forcing his head to look up at you. â I love you so much.â You started softly, thumb gingerly brushing along the plains of his cheekbone. Suguru swallowed, brown eyes observing every inch of your face. âI love you too.â He breathed, subconsciously leaning into your touch. âIf youâre serious, if you truly want a babyâŠâ
âI do.âÂ
Your lips parted before you smiled brightly, giggling a bit at his instant reassurance. â... then I am more than willing to try and conceive.â You hadnât intended for it to come out so seductive, but the way Suguruâs breathing hitched told you it had a dual effect. âReally?â You nodded, thumb still gently caressing his cheeks. âI know weâre young and all, but I think there is no time better than the present to chase your dreams.â You snorted at your own cheesiness, laughing as Suguruâs arms came around your waist to hug you tightly. âThank you.â his voice was soft, just above a whisper. âYou know, I have to ask, Suguru⊠especially since you seemed to put a ton of thought into this.âÂ
âYeah? Anything. Ask away.â You reached up and tugged the pen out of his bun, fingers moving to delicately pull his hair out of the bun itself. You always enjoyed it when he had his hair down. âWhat was the moment that made you realize it was more than just a desire, that it was something you actually wanted. I know you said you saw families and all that but⊠youâre a man of purpose. Something in particular egged you on and Iâm dying to know what.â From the way his cheeks turned red, you knew you had hit the nail on the head. He wasnât lying about the baby fever, but you knew him too well to know that it wasnât just an accumulation of events.Â
One thing in particular had been his âbreaking pointâ of sorts.Â
âAlright you caught me.â he sighed deeply, eyes glancing away from you before looking up again. âRemember that weekend I went home to visit family?â You nodded, hands sliding down to rest on his shoulders. Suguruâs arms opened, allowing you to climb onto his lap as he spoke. âWell, my cousin had just had her baby a few weeks prior. Since she knew I was coming home to visit for the weekends, she came over with her new baby to introduce us.â You nodded again, humming thoughtfully as you twirled some of his hair around your fingers. âI donât think Iâve ever held a baby before.â He added, cheeks a rosy pink instead of flaming red.Â
âAnd when she put that little baby in my arms I⊠fuck I just melted.âÂ
He swallowed, finding it endearing that you were so invested in every word he spoke. âI just remember thinking that⊠there was nothing more special than that bond. The bond between mother and child⊠between father and child. I found myself imagining what it would be like to hold my own newborn⊠and I was serious when I said every time I envisioned it, they always looked like you.â He relaxed a bit when you leaned forward, pressing a chaste kiss to his cheek before pulling away again. âThatâs a beautiful reason, you know.â You hugged him after saying it, letting your chin rest on his shoulders as his arms encompassed your waist and squeezed.Â
âI want to be a dad, Iâve known that from the very moment I held that baby. But I⊠if you arenât ready⊠I donât want to force you to do anything.â The vulnerability in his voice made your heart squeeze, it was very rare that Suguru was openly shy about something. âNo time better than the present, ya know.â You whispered it again, feeling his breath stutter as you spoke. âReally?â he breathed out again, as if in disbelief that you were saying yes despite already agreeing once before.Â
You nod, trying to contain your smile. âItâs not like itâll happen right away, it takes time. Most couples have to try for a while before they strike gold.âÂ
âI guess that is true, there are a lot of factors that go into this⊠itâs a miracle that women are even able to conceive in the first place when you truly look at it.â you felt yourself giggling, finding it cute that Suguru had clearly put some research into this whole idea too. He wanted it, so bad, you couldnât bear the thought of not trying to give it to him. âSo⊠what do you say, shall we start now?â you pulled away from his hug, grinning deviously at him. âRight now?â Suguru looked shocked, eyes wide and lips slightly parted before he was able to collect his thoughts. âYeah, right now.â studies could wait, of course they could. Suguru knew that just as well as you did.Â
Suguru answered you with a kiss, lips melting against your own as his hands clung to your waist.Â
â
âSo this⊠is the baby?â Satoruâs glasses hung low on his nose, blue eyes observing the glossy paper intently. âYep, thatâs the baby.â You were laying on the couch, head resting on Shokoâs lap as she absentmindedly played with your hair. âAre you⊠sure?â Satoru was having a difficult time comprehending that the white, vaguely human-shaped blob on the glossy sheets of paper was a baby. âPositive, Satoru. They donât start looking like a real human until around the twenty week mark.â Satoru shot you a glance over one of the photos, a smile tugging on his lips as he spoke âSo what youâre saying is youâre carrying an alien for a while.â This time it was Shoko to interject, shooting Satoru a glare as she threw her lighter at him. âBe nice, Satoru.âÂ
You, on the other hand, had begun to laugh. âIâll take away uncle privileges, Satoru.â
âHey! Letâs not get too hasty there, Mothership.â Satoru looked mildly offended at the idea of you pulling his uncle privileges before he could even get them. You sat up now, eyes meeting Shokoâs before you burst out laughing. âDid you just call me mothership?â You would be offended if it was anyone other than Satoru using the nickname. â...Maybe.â Satoru had set the photos down on his lap, no longer holding them up to examine like he was looking for a hidden secret. âYouâre so mean, Satoru.â Shoko sighed, sad that your warmth was no longer on her lap. âSheâs laughing, Shoko!â Satoru tried to defend his honor, it was still a rare sight to see you laughing.Â
âWhat is with all the commotion?â The three of you fell silent instantly, heads turning to see Yaga enter the common room. You had yet to inform the principal of your pregnancy, he had absolutely no idea that you were carrying Suguruâs baby. You had intended on telling him after you told Shoko the following morning, but you chickened out and had yet to find the courage. âNothing major, just hanging out.â Careful as possible, Satoru was sliding the ultrasound pictures behind the arm of the couch so Yaga couldnât see them. Luckily for the three of you, his eyes were mainly focused on you. âI hadnât heard your laugh in a while, y/n. I thought you may have lost it.âÂ
âAh, well, leave it to Satoru to find it for me again.â You smiled, an almost real smile that still felt foreign on your lips. You were certain you would never feel the joy of a real, genuine smile until Suguru was in your arms again. Though, that day may never come. You were still heavily weighing your options, knowing the choice you wanted to pick was the one that would cost you the things you had within your reach. Your love for Suguru would never blind you from the fact that you loved Shoko and Satoru just as dearly⊠at least you hoped it wouldnât. âAh, heâs good for something I suppose.â His tone was teasing, earning snickers from both you and Shoko.Â
âYou wound me, principal!âÂ
Yaga just shook his head, smiling a bit before moving to leave the room. âRemember, you three, Iâm always a call away.â You all shared a knowing glance before nodding your heads. With that, Yaga left the common area, leaving the three of you to relax again. Satoru was careful as he pulled the ultrasound pics up again, looking them over one last time before folding them neatly and reaching across to give them to you. âThat was close.â he offered with a grin as you took them and set them face down on the coffee table. âIt was, but you managed to hide them well, Toru.â You grinned as you settled back again, lying comfortably with your head on Shokoâs lap.Â
âSee, Yaga isnât wrong, he is good for something.â Shoko laughed as Satoru rolled his eyes, flipping her the finger before reaching for the lighter she had chucked at him. âYou seem to forget I can keep this.â He taunted her with her favorite lighter, you werenât even sure why she threw it in the first place considering Satoruâs infinity was able to block it. It had bounced off of his barrier and landed on the couch cushion beside him. Again, you three were lucky that Yaga hadnât seen it, he was pretty convinced Shoko had given up on the smoking habit. âGive it back, Satoru, Iâm too comfy to have her moving.â You whined as Shoko tried to get off the couch.Â
âYou heard the pregnant lady, give it.â Shoko taunted, knowing she had already won the battle thanks to you. âFine, fine, here.â he tossed it over, uttering out ânice catchâ as Shoko caught it with one hand. âSo, back to business.â Shoko smiled as she twirled the lighter around her fingers. âHow are we telling Yaga that little miss here is pregnant with the problem childâs baby?â You made a noise of annoyance at Shokoâs words, smiling a bit as she raised her eyebrow at you. âWell, I donât think it will be easy telling anyone⊠Besides you, Shoko. You took the news like a champ.â Satoru was still reeling over how calm she had been about the whole thing.Â
â
âAre you sure you want to tell her right now?â Satoru was buttoning his uniform top, you two would still have to continue on with your lives like it was any other day. âShe needs to know, there is no way I could keep this from her.â She basically already knew, but you couldnât say that to Satoru yet. Just in case Shoko had the opposite of the reaction you were anticipating. The whole concept still felt foreign to you, so did the fact that it felt natural for your hand to rest on your abdomen. You didnât think you should be adapting to this so quickly, then again what were you supposed to do?Â
âI know that, Iâm not saying we never tell her. But you still seem to be pretty in shock over this.âÂ
âWhich is exactly why I need to tell her.â If anything goes wrong in your life, Shoko has always been the person you ran to. It wasnât until Suguru left that you had started running to Satoru instead. Part of you felt guilty about that, like you were leaving her in the dust. She knew you and Satoruâs pain just as well, it hurt you to know you had started seeking comfort in him rather than her. âIf you insist, Iâll back you up all the way.â he grinned as you pouted, feet kicking idly.Â
You had snuck off and gotten dressed before he even woke up. Now all that was left was to rip off the band-aid and reveal to Shoko that she had been right all along. âIâm glad you arenât scared of Shokoâs wrath.â you laughed as you pushed off of his bed, shuffling to the door with a grin. âIâm not the one that got you pregnant, her wrath isnât directed at me.â You felt your cheeks grow warm as you shook your head, pushing his door open and heading into the hall. âYouâre too blunt sometimes, Satoru.â You felt mildly embarrassed about how he put it, that and an odd sense of possessiveness.Â
âWell itâs the truth, Suguru is the one that knocked you up.â He shrugged as he followed you out into the hall, turning to shut the door just as you reached up and smacked his shoulder. âAnd youâre fucking vulgar! Be kind!â your tone was a mix of teasing and annoyance, one Satoru knew quite well. If he had to work you up to get glimpses of your old self, then so be it. âI am being kind, youâre just being sensitive.â risky thing to say to a woman, nevermind a pregnant woman.Â
âYou are a menace, Gojo Satoru.â You huffed, crossing your arms to glare at him as he replied with a sheepish grin. âHey, sorry, I canât help it sometimes. Youâre just so easy to tease.â He made a kissy face at you, watching your nose scrunch in amusement before turning to head down the hall. âIâll have to work on making things harder for you, Satoru.â You sighed as he whistled. âDonât quite know how Suguru would feel about that.â He was laughing when you turned to swing on him, a smile pulling at your lips as he blocked you. âA menace and a perv⊠Iâll start sharing Shokoâs bed.âÂ
âHey! No way! Youâre so warm, I like having you in my bed.â Satoru pouted, as if you were a cat looking to find a new home. âEh, donât know how Suguru would feel about that.â You mimicked him, smiling widely now as he rolled his eyes. âI guess youâre right.â Ever since you realized, it has become a little easier to say Suguruâs name. You had to wonder why, your emotions were still a stormy mess but⊠speaking about him didnât really hurt that bad right now. Maybe you were just riding on a high of emotions, but compared to the low from the night before⊠you had doubts.Â
âShoko!â you knocked on her door, glancing back at Satoru as he shoved his hands in his pockets. He was pretty sure he was masking his anxiety well, but you knew better than anyone that Satoru was mentally shitting his pants at the idea of informing Shoko about your predicament. âOne minute!â Her voice rang from the other side of the door, mildly surprised in tone to hear you. She had expected Satoru, just as she had been expecting him every morning to go pull you out of your depression pit dorm room. For you to be at her door too⊠something was up.Â
âWhatâs with the welcome party?â Shokoâs door swung open, eyes traveling over the two of you with a quirked brow. âGot some news for yaâŠâ you started bold, not missing the way Satoru inhaled sharply. âNews for me? About?â she had no idea where you could be going with this, but she assumed any direction you took would lead to Suguru somehow. âWell you see⊠that conversation we had yesterdayâŠâ and Shoko knew immediately. âShoko, Iâm pregnant.âÂ
âOh, okay.â
âThat⊠youâre fucking kidding me! Thatâs IT?â Satoru looked completely appalled at the womanâs casual response. You were a bit surprised yourself but that didnât stop you from laughing at Satoruâs over reaction. âYeah, thatâs it. Am I supposed to scream or something?â Shoko was stepping into the hall, turning to shut her dorm roomâs door before turning back to face you and Satoru. âSo what do we do now?â Satoru couldnât believe it, from the gut wrenching sobs you had made, he half expected the world to implode when it was time for you to tell another person.Â
SoâŠwhen it didnât⊠he couldnât quite get over it. âThatâs a great question, honestly I have no idea.â You sighed, feeling a little antsy as you turned to walk down the hall. âYa know, this isnât fair.â Satoru pouted, arms crossing as he followed after you with no hesitation. âWhat isn't fair?â Shoko questioned as she fell into step beside you. âThat you got the easy reveal and the easy reaction. She nearly gave me a fucking heart attack last night! I mean really I felt my balls shrivel.âÂ
You nearly tripped over your own two feet at that, laughter so genuine bubbling out of you that it made the previous night feel like a distant memory. âEw TMI Satoru.â Shoko plugged her nose, sticking her tongue out as the three of you made your way down the stairs and out to the sunny day ahead. âItâs the damn truth.â Satoru mumbled under his breath as you pushed through the double doors, shoving his sunglasses further up his face in an attempt to block out the blinding sun.Â
âI mean Iâll side with him this time, Shoko. I really did scare the life out of him. I thought he was going to faint.â You had collapsed into his arms, if anyone was about to faint, it would have been you. âThatâs only half true.â Satoru mumbled in defeat, throwing himself down on a picnic table bench and watching as you and Shoko clambered into the other side. âItâs not important right now, whatâs important is trying to figure out what the hell Iâm supposed to do now. I donât want anyone knowing besides the two of you. Not Yaga, not Utahime, Meimei, NanamiâŠâÂ
âWe get it.â Satoru stuck his tongue out, feeling far cheekier than usual this morning. Maybe it was because he was still partially convinced he had smacked his head and this was all a dream. âSo rude this morning, Toru~â there was a hint of a smile on your face though, one that had the tips of his ears burning pink as you turned to look at Shoko. âThe first thing we need to do is get you a doctor. If the tests came back positive, it still needs to be confirmed with blood work. Along with that they need to make sure the baby is actually growing.â Shoko pulled out a pack of cigarettes as she spoke.
âOkay, so, doctors is the next step⊠then what?â Satoru questioned, watching the flame ignite on the end of Shokoâs lighter. âThen I grow the baby till they are ready to be born.â You said in a bored tone. You knew what Satoru was implying but you werenât ready to cross that bridge yet. Suguru needed to know, you were still hanging onto that fact. You couldn't do this without him. âOh gee I would have never guessed.â Satoru deadpanned as he snatched Shokoâs pack, ignoring her glare as he also snatched her lighter. âIâm not in the mood to discuss that part yet, Satoru.âÂ
Your tone was final, so much so that Shoko merely nodded, eyes glaring holes into Satoruâs head so he wouldn't dare push the topic. He swallowed his words, putting the cigarette to his lips before mumbling out âfine, Iâll drop it⊠for now.âÂ
â
The day had come and gone, night had fallen once more and you found yourself lounging in Satoruâs bed. He was showering at the moment so you had it to yourself, the dim light of the little lamp on his desk was just enough for you to admire the ultrasound photos. You had been looking at them on and off all day, still struggling to comprehend that it was your baby. âItâs crazy that youâll continue to grow into a living, breathing, talking person. Youâll have your own personality, your own thoughts, your own voiceâŠâ you hummed softly, hand resting on your abdomen as you spoke to your babyâs pictures. It all felt so damn surreal.Â
âI wonder what your daddy would thinkâŠâ You felt your voice crack as you whispered those words out loud. Your heart was still aching from his absence, but with your child growing, it was hard to feel totally alone. Part of him was growing within you, you just needed him to know it. You straightened the moment Satoruâs bathroom door opened, wiping your eyes in an attempt to make it look like you were yawning instead. âNot visiting Shoko tonight?â Satoru smiled, white shirt hanging on his lean frame, a towel resting on his shoulders and collecting the water droplets from his damp hair. âNah, she said she needed to get some stuff done.âÂ
âSheâs such a procrastinator, the deadlines for those med-school applications are like two days from now.â You nodded, you werenât quite sure how your friend intended on getting the seven applications done in time. âI highly doubt sheâll be truthful to them anyways.â You laughed, she was determined to get in with no prior college experience or any experience in the medical field save for her curse technique. But, if there was anyone who could cheat their way into med-school, it would definitely be Shoko. âSheâll somehow be fine⊠she always is.â Satoru chuckled as he moved about his room, picking up his towel to dry his white locks.Â
With his back turned to you, he nearly whispered what he said next. âYouâre sad again.â You felt your brows twitch before forcing them into perfectly maintained neutrality. âWhen have I not been sad, Satoru?â you tried softly, folding the ultrasound pictures neatly together again from their extended accordion strip. âYou know what I mean, y/n. You were crying before I came in.â You stopped folding, inhaling shakily before turning to meet his gaze. âI wasnât crying yet. You actually interrupted me, Satoru.â you werenât even sure why you had been trying to hide it in the first place. There was no sneaking anything by him. Those six eyes of his were always on alert, always observant, even more so nowadays.Â
Satoru was still quiet, his towel resting on his shoulders again as he turned to observed you. âI miss him terribly, Satoru. Nothing is going to fix that.â You could tell he was stewing on something, but he was holding himself back. âSay it, whatever it is you're thinking, say it.â This time, he looked mildly surprised, not used to being the one so easily read. âYouâre not going to see him.â He stated rather plainly, but you could see his jaw clenching after he uttered the words out loud. You felt your stomach twist in the same way it had with your morning sickness⊠morning sickness you had become quite acquainted with at this point.Â
âI didnât plan on it.â You shot back, lying through your teeth like he wouldnât be able to pick you apart in an instant. âYeah, bull shit y/n. Iâm not stupid.â You felt anger bubbling over the nausea, not particularly enjoying the way he was talking down to you. âWatch your tone, Satoru.â Dangerously low, full of promise. It was enough to snap him back into reality for a second. âSorry.â he started âIâll be more mindful. However, that doesnât change my previous statement.â You felt your head tilting, eyes narrowing as you sized the strongest sorcerer up. âYou do not get to decide what I can and cannot do, Satoru.âÂ
There, you finally said it, maybe it was very indirect but Satoru knew exactly what you meant with those words. He looked stunned, but at the same time if he had any fight left in him, he wasnât going to push upon the matter. Your gaze didnât soften, rather it continued to size him up until his shoulders sagged. âForget I said anything, youâre right. I donât get a say in it.â Yet, you could tell he was saying it just to maintain peace. You weighed your options, was it really worth giving up your sanity for a fight you werenât willing to have yet? In the end, you swallowed your emotions, wondering if it was possible that your hormones were already causing mood swings. âWe can discuss this when we are both ready⊠not weighed down by our own baggage.âÂ
Finally, your gaze had returned to its normal, slightly sad state. Satoru found that it was easier for him to breathe again, so he pulled the towel off his shoulders and turned to enter his bathroom. âI agree.â He called as he hung the damp towel over the top of his curtain rods, letting it air dry till morning so he could put it in the hamper to be washed. âLetâs talk about something else, yeah?â He emerged with a smile, the tension in the room subsiding considerably as you relaxed back into his covers, comfortable under his blankets. âGladly.â You teased him, turning onto your side as he flopped down beside you. âDo you have any name ideas yet?âÂ
You blinked, not thinking that was the route he was going to take. âOh-uhm⊠well Iâve certainly thought about it over the last two weeks. I donât know if I want to find out their gender⊠Iâm tempted to wait until they are born. Makes it more fun that way but⊠Iâm eager.â You confess with a dreamy smile, one that has Satoruâs lips parting in awe for a moment before he quickly recovers. âI donât know how youâd do it, Iâve been itching to know since you told me.â He confessed softly, eyes lingering to where your hand had found its new home. He didnât think a day had gone by in these last few weeks where he didnât see your hand resting on your stomach.Â
âI donât know if Iâll be able to do it, Satoru. When the time comes, when she asks if I want to know the gender⊠I donât think Iâll be able to say no.â You laughed softly, you were indifferent to what your babyâs gender would be. You didnât care if they were a boy or a girl, you would be over the moon with either. But you were dying to know so you could buy them things, settle on a good name, look at baby furniture⊠âAre you going to share the name ideas or are you keeping them a secret?â He questioned when he saw you were starting to space out. He had been keen on trying to ground you in the present lately.Â
âOh wellâŠâ you started softly, suddenly shy to share the names you and Suguru had discussed what felt like centuries ago at this point. âFor a boy, we discussed names like Ren, Ritsu, Isamu⊠oh and we really liked the name Hajime.â For some reason it felt very intimate to share this information. âBut of course⊠it all depends on what he looks like. We can pick any name we want but really you canât make the decisions till you meet them.â Satoru nodded, âI would go out on a limb to suggest Satoru⊠pretty solid name in my opinion.â You started to laugh, slapping his chest lightly âYouâre relentless, Satoru.âÂ
âI may be relentless, but you love me.â He countered as you rolled your eyes. âI, unfortunately, have to agree with that.â You smiled at him, settling further into the bed before he spoke again. âHow about girl names?â Satoru questioned, genuine curiosity shining in his eyes. âOh well, we have way more of those than we do boy names. Suguru is particularly attached to Ayame and Sachi.â Satoru felt his cheeks redden, it seemed that it was just now hitting him how intimate this moment was. âI rather like Sachi and Ayame too but I really like the name Hanako.â There were a few others but you knew those three were the top contenders for a baby girl.Â
âI mean Satoru can be a unisex nameâŠâ He added softly, trying to lighten the mood a bit because this was all starting to feel way too personal. Not that he really minded, it was more for his sake than yours. Laying in bed beside you, discussing baby names, it was playing with his head. âIt is fully a male name, I would not name my little girl Satoru.â You laughed softly, trying to stifle your yawn as you pushed his shoulder. âOkay fine, Iâll drop the Satoru name agenda⊠for now.â You just smiled at him, shaking your head in an attempt to ignore the way your eyelids were steadily dropping. âYouâre trying to fight your sleep?â this time, Satoru pushed your shoulder.Â
âI guess I amâŠâ you yawned, eyes watering â... I just like talking to you, Toru.â You felt warm and safe snuggled under his blankets and under the gaze of his watchful eyes. âI like talking to you too butâŠâ his voice had cracked, heat flooding his cheeks as your eyes closed a little more. âBut you need your rest, youâre literally growing another human inside of you. Iâll be here in the morning.â You nodded, eyes nearly closed completely at this point. âI guess youâre rightâŠâ he couldnât help but chuckle. âAlways guessing and never just admitting Iâm right⊠good night.â He finished in a way you couldnât argue with, leaving you to just sleepily hum in acknowledgment.Â
â
He would stay awake longer than he wanted to, simply to watch your chest rise and fall as you slept soundly. He would remind himself with every small flutter of your eyelashes that you were dreaming, you were alive, you were breathing. Most importantly, heâd try and make himself believe that you weren't on your way out the door, leaving him behind just as Suguru had.Â
But he knew better, god dammit he knew better and he hated himself for it.Â
He could see it, with each passing day, each passing hour, your heart was choosing its path. The path that led straight out of his life and into the arms of the man you really loved. How he wished it was him, how desperately, selfishly Satoru wished it were him that you loved. The guilt would gnaw at his chest, making it feel like someone was ripping his heart open tendon by tendon, the blood leaking out an inky black. So weighed down by his guilt that it was tainted.Â
He had tried, for years he had tried to suppress it. But nothing in this universe could block out the love he held for you so deep in his chest that it took the air from his lungs. He loved you, with every fiber of his being, even now he couldnât understand how he had gotten so close to you without cracking and shattering to the floor like fine china. Satoru knew that even a month ago, the idea of holding you as you cried would have seemed like an impossible task.Â
Not because he couldnât restrain himself, god he couldnât even think of you in that way without feeling immense guilt. But because he didnât think he would ever be able to let you go. Initially he had been right, he had struggled, albeit for a fraction of a second, but he had let you go. Had you told him two months ago that he would be falling asleep with you beside him, he would have fainted on the spot, he was sure of it.Â
Because even though he finally had you beside him, it wasnât in the way he truly wanted.Â
The way he truly wanted would forever be unattainable, for you were not his to keep. You had been right, you had been so god damn right when you said that he had no say in what you could and couldnât do⊠and it killed him. Fuck did it kill him in every way but literally. If he could, he would keep you by his side forever, away from the man he still considered his one and only best friend, he would raise your baby with you so you didnât need Suguru to feel whole.Â
But that was not the route you were going to take, and he knew it. He knew it was only a matter of time until you ripped his chest wide open and left him only a fraction of the man he was. Suguru already had one half of his heart, if you were to leave, you would be taking the only half Satoru had left with you. Leaving him with nothing, completely and utterly alone. Why couldnât you see he was more than enough for you?Â
He was convinced he could give you a good, if not better life than what Suguru could offer you. He could provide for you and your child and you would never have to lift a finger for the rest of your life. You wouldnât have to be a jujutsu sorcerer, you wouldnât have to work to make money. He could give you and your baby everything you could ever desire. It was a selfish thought, the selfish desire to have someone he couldnât.Â
Somewhere along the way, amid his heartbreak over Suguru, he had foolishly believed he could win your heart. As if Suguruâs deflection would suddenly make it easier, make it okay for him to pursue you. What a childish thought, what a selfish, naive thought. He loved you too much to put you in that position, he loved Suguru too much to betray him like that⊠even though Suguru had arguably done much worse.Â
He inhaled shakily, watching your lips wobble as you must have dreamt about something. It grounded him for a moment, making everything in his room feel a little too real yet not real at all. Like he hadnât been aware this whole time that he was alive, that this wasnât some nightmare. For a moment, he was certain he would black out from the crushing weight of the realization.Â
So he forced his eyes to close, squeezing shut so tight that colors and odd shapes began to blossom behind his eyelids. It didnât help the way his chest had begun to rise and fall in a pattern that was starting to look like a panic attack. He didnât know who to go to, he didnât know who he could go to for help. The two people he always ran to were the two people he couldnât.Â
How was it possible he felt so alone when you were sleeping right beside him? How was it possible that he still ached for you when he knew you would take his heart and stomp on it. You were a ticking time bomb, and it was only a matter of days until your timer went out. So why wasnât he savoring this? Why wasnât he soaking in every second he had with you before you left?Â
How was he already mourning you when you were right beside him?Â
â
Late November 2007Â
âItâŠItâŠâ you huffed, trying to force the buttons of your white top together. âIt doesnât fit?â Shoko questioned with an amused face, watching you lose your breath as you tried to make the buttons clasp. Your stomach had grown considerably over the last few weeks, it was now becoming increasingly difficult to hide the fact that you were twenty weeks pregnant. âItââ you huffed out again, whining as the button you closed popped back open. Defeated, you flopped onto Shokoâs mattress, uttering out a weak âIt doesnât fit.â as she began to laugh.Â
âLinen like this isnât forgiving. Youâre going to have to hope your jacket fits at least, or else youâll be telling Yaga whether you want to or not.â You whine again, hands coming down to rest on the swell of your stomach. It had been an experience to learn you were pregnant a few months back, but to see and feel the physical proof of your child was even more surreal. You had managed to sneak past Yaga for the most part, something Satoru couldnât even grasp. âShoko, I give up.â She quirked an eyebrow at you as you struggled to get up. âAlready?âÂ
âYeah, already. Iâm not going to be able to fit into my uniform and I donât think I have the energy to try it.â The second trimester had been more forgiving than the first, but you had found yourself quickly running out of breath and stamina. It was only a matter of time until you had to take a break walking up a single flight of stairs. âIâm telling Yaga today. Fuck this.â With your white button up still only covering your breasts, you pushed out of Shokoâs bedroom and marched down the hall towards Satoruâs.Â
âSatoru! Give me some clothes!â you yelled before even making it to his door, banging on it only once before he was pulling it open, visibly confused. âWhat in the hell happened to you?â He tried not to snicker, looking over your half-assed appearance. Luckily your uniform skirt was covering your ass but even then, it really didnât fit you. âGive me some clothes, none of mine fit me anymore, Toru.â You pout, chest rising and falling a little faster than it usually did.Â
âAlright, alright, come on in.â He pushed his glasses up his face, trying not to show any sort of amusement at the way your bump was fully out in the open. Turning, he made his way to his dresser and pulled out a knit sweater and some sweatpants. âThey may be too big for you, weâll have to go shopping later for a new wardrobe that fits you.â You caught the knit as he tossed it, you could have easily gone down the hall to your own room and gotten some of Suguruâs clothing. But, for some reason, you had chosen Satoru.Â
He hated to admit it but it gave him butterflies.Â
âIâm going to have to tell Yaga.â you grumbled as you undid the few buttons you had managed to get shut, tossing the garment to the floor a moment later. âOh? Weâre already at that point, huh?â Satoru leaned against his dresser, watching as you pulled his knit sweater over your head, effectively masking the fact that you were twenty weeks pregnant. âWe are, Iâm not in the mood to keep sneaking around him.â You shimmied out of your too tight skirt, whining as you kicked it away. You have certainly gotten more whiny and irritable over the last few days.Â
Maybe it was because you were antsy, with each passing day your child grew. Meaning that Suguru was going on with his day to day life, completely unaware. You had finally decided on your resolve not too long ago, while showering one night in your own room. He needed to know, you couldnât live with yourself if you grew this baby and birthed them without Suguru ever knowing. âAre we going the second youâre done getting dressed?â Satoru shifted his weight from foot to foot as you stepped into the pair of sweatpants he had given you.Â
âYep.â you were curt, worn out already from an action as simple as putting on clothes. âDo we even have a game plan?â Shokoâs sudden appearance made you both jump, your head whipping around so fast it would have been comical to the two of them if they didnât know any better. Pregnancy mood swings were no joke, Satoru learned the hard way only a few days prior when teasing you and nearly losing a finger to your curse technique. âNo, but I donât see why I need to dance around the obvious. I tell him Iâm pregnant and we move on.âÂ
You shrug, struggling to tie the string of Satoruâs sweatpants due to your stomach. âHere , let me.â Satoru closed the distance and easily tied the string in a quick knot, laughing a bit as you huffed out a thanks. âSo youâre just going to drop an atomic bomb on the poor man and move on?â Shoko questioned curiously as she flicked her lighter. âYeah, I am. And then the two of you are coming with me to go get maternity clothes.â You sigh, hand smoothing over your now barely visible bump, smiling a bit at the fluttering kick baby gave you. âBaby agrees, so no declining.âÂ
Satoru saluted you âwhatever you say, sergeant.â That made you laugh, tension from your clothes not fitting melting off of your shoulders as you turned to leave. âOh wow, so weâre going right now.â Shoko fell into step beside you as you marched down the hall, leaving Satoru to scramble and get his dorm door shut before following after you. âNo better time than the present, I want to get an early start with my day⊠you know Iâve been tiring easier nowadays.â One thing you hadnât fully been prepared for was the amount of physical changes your body would go through.Â
Sure you knew the basics like your stomach would grow, your breasts would get bigger, you would get bloated⊠but you hadnât thought about how strenuous the whole thing would be. Though, it made sense when you sat down in Shokoâs bed one night with your laptop. âOh, so baby pushes all of my organs out of the wayâŠâ To which Shoko had made a fake gagging noise. You used it as a way to antagonize Satoru the next morning, watching the man turn a shade of green as you proudly explained why you had been losing your breath.Â
âI guess thatâs true⊠itâs almost nine in the morning so I assume Yaga will be in his office.â Satoru sighed as he walked just a step behind you, pulling out his flip phone to file through a few news articles as you three walked. âGood, that means heâll already be sitting when he gets the shock of his life.â Shoko sighed, pocketing her lighter and unlit cigarette as the three of you left the dorm buildings and began walking through the courtyard towards Yagaâs office. âI mean, I donât really think it's that big of a deal.â You shrugged, waddling slightly as you moved.Â
âYouâre carrying the black sheepâs baby, of course it's a big deal.âÂ
You glared at Satoru as he finally had enough space to walk beside you. âI donât mean it in a bad way, itâs just⊠a lot has happened. The man already beats himself up over the whole thing and now one of his students who he has been trying to watch so diligently⊠has hid the fact that sheâs like five months pregnant. That's even more of a mindfuck.â That made you stop walking for a second, your nonchalant attitude towards it all seemed pretty selfish now that you had heard what Satoru said. âIâŠshitâŠI didnât think about it like that.âÂ
âHey, itâs not your fault, youâve had like three whole months to cope with this and sort things out. It's normal for you now, sometimes itâs hard to see it from new perspectives once youâve gotten so used to it.â Shoko had listened intently, eyes shifting between you and Satoru. âYouâre awfully philosophical this morning, Satoru.â The white haired man immediately pushed his glasses further up his nose, cheeks dusting pink as he shrugged. âI dunno, Iâve just had time to think.â She dropped it, focusing her attention back on you as you seemed to inhale deeply.Â
âI⊠Iâm still telling him. Iâll be gentle with my delivery but I have to rip off the bandaid.â And with that you were walking past them again, leaving the two to follow behind you as you carried yourself with a new purpose. âDo you want us to go in with you?â Shoko asked softly as the three of you crossed the courtyard and entered the building âNo⊠It's best for it to now be some sort of show.â You knew theyâd find a way to listen in on the conversation anyways. âAlright but if we hear screaming or the thud of a grown man passing out, weâre coming in.â Satoru sounded uninterested but you knew him better than to believe his facade.Â
âYeah, got it.âÂ
With that, you were heading up the steps to the second floor. Yagaâs office was the last door on the left, you couldn't even collect your thoughts enough to practice what you were going to say. At this point, it was better to just let it happen naturally. Your hands smoothed over your covered bump one last time before you stood in front of his doorway âHere goes nothing, little one.â It was still comforting to you to know your baby was always with you. âPrincipal? Are you in there?â you knocked softly, hoping your voice carried through the thick wood of the door.Â
âY/N? Yes, Iâm in here, come in.â You let out a shaky breath, pulling at Satoruâs knit to make sure your bump wasnât visible at all. You pushed the door open, relishing in the feeling of the cold wood under your fingertips before stepping into his office. âGood morning, principal.â you spoke softly, shutting the door behind you with a soft click. Yaga was sitting at his desk, papers scattered over his desk and a couple resting in one of his hands. âGood morning, Y/N⊠is something wrong?â You rarely came to his office to speak with him, you knew that much would have his suspicions up within the first seconds.Â
âNothing is wrongâŠper say.â Your hands clasped behind your back. âBut you need to tell me something, donât you?â he questioned softly, setting the papers in hands down as you began to rock on your feet. It felt as if a swarm of butterflies were fluttering around your lungs, making it almost hard to breathe as you nodded in confirmation. âPlease, come sit.â but your feet wouldnât move, gluing you to the small space where you were rocking back and forth on your heels. âPlease, sir, Iâm very antsy so I think itâs best for me to say this while standing.âÂ
âA-alright, Y/N youâre making me a bit nervous. So pleaseâŠâ He swallowed, hands clasping together on his desk as he looked at you expectantly. â...If it is about SuguruâŠâ and you nodded, eyes downcast on the two chairs before his desk. âListen, this⊠I donât even know how to spit this out so forgive me if itâs harsh.â You cleared your throat, not liking how hoarse it was already sounding. Yaga didnât answer, instead he nodded his head even though he could tell your focus wasnât on him. âSuguru and I⊠we had been dating since our first year here.âÂ
âYes, I know that muchâŠâ Soft and unsure, he couldn't quite understand where you were taking this conversation. Though he could certainly guess a handful of routes, what alarmed him most was the fact that Satoru and Shoko werenât by your side. âWe⊠We were very serious about each other, Principal. He always spoke to me about getting married, starting a familyâŠâ you looked up at him then, teeth worrying into the side of your cheek as you tried to get the next part out. Yagaâs forehead had creased in worry âOkay⊠Y/N have you had contact with him since?âÂ
âI- no, I havenât heard from him since the letter he left me before he left. No contact sir, thatâs not what Iâm trying to get at anywaysâŠâ You huffed, hands unclasping and reaching up to rub your face as you grew frustrated with yourself. âPrincipal I⊠Iâve been hiding something from you for months now and I am no longer able to hide it any longer.â That had him straightening in his chair, eyes narrowing as he waited for you to continue. You took a shaking breath, knowing there were no words that would make this any less jarring for your principal.Â
âPrincipal Yaga IâŠâ carefully you grabbed the hem of Satoruâs knit sweater, pulling it tight so it hugged the swell of your baby bump. â... Iâm twenty weeks pregnant with Suguruâs baby.âÂ
You watched as the manâs narrow gaze turned considerably wide before softening. âOhâŠwow.â He cleared his throat, pulling the sunglasses that had been hanging low on his face off all together. You let the knit go slowly, hiding the bump again as your principal reached up to rub his eyes. âAre you⊠principal are you crying?â you sounded mildly aghast at the sight. âNo no IâŠâ but he was. After a moment he set his hands down, leaning back in his chair and crossing his arms. âIâm sorry I'm sure thatâs not the best reaction to receive after telling someone youâreâŠâÂ
âYeah itâs⊠well itâs not as bad as I feared.â you cut him off, laughing a bit because among all the emotions you could sense, anger was not one of them. âIâm sorry you felt the need to hide this from me for⊠damn nearly five monthsâŠâ he mulled over the fact that you had said you were twenty weeks into this, well into your second trimester. âI just didnât know how to go about it sir⊠only Shoko and Satoru are aware of my⊠circumstances.â Yaga nodded, muttering a soft âI figured that much.â before sighing heavily. âSuguru has no idea.â he spoke softly, watching you nod with a sad look on your face. âI found out two weeks after heâŠleft.âÂ
So not only had you been dealing with the defection of your boyfriend - whom you loved with your entire being - you had also been reeling with the news of your own pregnancy. âI⊠youâre so young and youâve already gone through so much.â Yaga spoke more to himself than you, that didnât stop you from trying to lighten the mood. âA complicated life comes with the job of being a sorcerer. You know that Principal.â You laughed, hands finding their home on top of the swell of your stomach. Seeing you smile eased some of Yagaâs concerns.Â
âI suppose⊠Iâm glad you were able to tell me. I⊠take it you wonât be fitting into your uniform from here on out?â he looked you over, recognizing the clothes to likely be Satoruâs. âOh yeah, itâs not happening from here on out.â You laughed a bit âIf itâs alright with you, Iâll be heading into the city with Satoru and Shoko to get some clothes that fit me⊠I can look for some clothes reminiscent of our uniform.â you laugh a little more, watching a smile crack on his features. âOr I could see about getting you a uniform altered to fit you as you grow. Either way youâll need some normal clothing that fits youâŠâ he sighed as you nodded.
âYou three be careful, I know youâre all more than capable but⊠still.â He sighed, voice raising a little bit âIf either of them get hurt, Iâm blaming you, Satoru.â Behind you, the wooden door flung open. âHey!â But, realizing he and Shoko had been caught for eavesdropping, Satoruâs cheeks flushed pink. You whirled around, bursting out in laughter as Shokoâs hand covered her own mouth in attempts of hiding her own giggles. âI stand by what I said⊠Now go, have fun.â He sighed, arms unfolding as he sat forward in his chair to continue mulling over paperwork.Â
âAlright, thank you, Principal. I appreciate you for being so understanding.âÂ
He gave you a warm smile and a soft nod, watching you exit with the other two. Once Yagaâs door was shut with a soft click, once he heard your voices and feet fading down the hall, his smile dropped. âThat poor girlâŠâ he wasnât mad that you were pregnant, nor was he mad that you had hidden it from him. He was more so sad that you had felt the need to hide it, especially regarding your circumstances with Suguru and all.Â
Which opened a whole new can of worms, he couldn't quite believe that you would keep such news from Suguru⊠maybe thatâs why heâd noticed Shoko and Satoru always by your side.Â
Maybe it wasnât just to support a dear friend going through heartbreak. Perhaps they felt it too, felt that you were going to slip through their fingers just as Suguru had.Â
â
âAre you sure clothes shopping is the task you really want to complete right now?â Shoko puffed out smoke as she talked to you, navigating the busy sidewalks with ease as Satoru led the way. âIt needs to be done, I canât wear Satoruâs clothing forever.â Shoko understood that ideology and all, but you had been ready to blow your brains out this morning over a linen dress shirt not buttoning. At this rate, she was certain just about any clothing not fitting you would get you worked up like the world was ending. âShe can borrow my clothes any time.âÂ
Satoru laughed as he looked back at you, finding it hysterical that even with the sweats tied, you had to keep pulling them up. At this point, they were nearly at your chest, relying solely on your stomach to keep them from falling down. âAll due respect, Toru. I look like a fucking clown in these pants⊠your tops may not be safe from me but I need pants that fit.â Satoru shook his head, an amused smile as he finally found the clothing store you loved.Â
âYou can help yourself to my shirts and sweaters any time, Y/N. You know that.â You scrunch your nose, shaking your head a bit as you stop in front of a store he had walked right past. âIâll try this one first.â You could hear Shoko laugh as the automatic doors open for you, Satoruâs feet slapping the pavement as he stomped back to where you were. âDonât get pissy cause you strolled right by, Toru.â But he only grumbled, falling to the side as Shoko shoved him teasingly.Â
You spent the next fifteen minutes browsing the racks, finding things in various sizes that youâd unfortunately have to try on. All the while, Satoru had found his home on a bench in the middle of the bustling store, his legs crossed as he sorted through things on his phone. âI think this one will be cute, but youâll have to try it on in this size and this size.â Shoko handed you a knit sweater similar to the one you were already wearing, a smile on her face as she spotted something else. âWeâll have to find a proper maternity store.âÂ
Shoko mumbled as she filled through the racks again for the article of clothing in your size range. âSatoru, go see if they have a baby store around here.â Shoko ordered the man who didnât move a muscle. âYeah, no way.â You snickered as you dropped a few more items on his lap. Dutifully, he held them there with one hand while looking at his small phone screen. âIâll just go ask one of the employees here.â you wandered off after saying that, hearing Shoko scold Satoru for making the pregnant woman go look for help.Â
You moved with ease through the busy aisles, walking past the floor to length mirrors as you did so. Just beyond the windows was the busy sidewalks of downtown Tokyo, mid-day sun making it look much later than it was due to the shortening days. You werenât sure what possessed you to be so observant as you walked the length of the store, really you should have been looking for an associate. But there, across the street, visible between the people passing by, was a person you would recognize anywhere. You felt your heart stop at the sight.Â
You questioned it for only a split second, feet frozen in place as you watched two young girls come bouncing out of a cafe with drinks in hand. He smiled at them, a smile you had only been able to see in your dreams, before turning to head down the sidewalk with them in tow. It took you all of two seconds to collect yourself enough to move. Without thinking much beyond the fact that Suguru was across the street from you, you moved as fast as your feet could carry you without breaking out into an all out sprint.Â
You couldnât hear anything beyond the ringing in your ears, had you been able to you would have heard the confused calls of your name from Shoko and Satoru as they watched you run out the door. You couldn't breath as you moved down the sidewalk, eyes laser focusing on the back of Suguruâs head as he moved among the many bobbing heads. Your inability to breathe in that moment stopped you from calling out to him, though you doubt he would have been able to hear you anyways. Still, you pushed through the people flooding the sidewalk, not acknowledging a single disgruntled look as your feet carried you towards him.Â
Move. Move faster. Fucking move faster!
You screamed inside of your own mind, ignoring the way your body screamed in protest from the amount of physical movement. For the first time in months, Suguru was in your reach and yet you couldnât seem to close the distance. It was like some nightmare, no matter how fast you moved, Suguru never seemed to get any closer to you. Yet, you still saw the back of his head, he was still there, you wouldnât give up until you couldnât see him anymore. It was creeping up on you with each and every step, the deep rooted heartbreak from his departure.Â
For some reason, it felt like you were ripping open a wound that hadnât even begun to heal yet. Yanking each carefully placed stitch with nothing more than dull fingernails. It came undone easily, blood leaking out in time with the pounding of your heart as Suguruâs head disappeared around the corner of an intersection. A feeble cry of âNo!â left your lips, just as labored as your breathing as you reached the end of the sidewalk and looked right in the direction he had turned. But, there was no sight of him anymore, gone from your view once again.Â
You felt the steady build in your chest, creeping up your throat as you felt the urge to sob violently where you stood. Yet the tears wouldnât come, catching somewhere in your throat so you truly felt like there was no air in your lungs. âWhat the fuck was that?â Satoruâs voice pulled you from your daze, your head turning to see a concerned Shoko and Satoru panting as they caught up to where you now stood. Yet, you couldnât hold Satoruâs bewildered gaze for long, eyes returning to the street once more. âIâŠâ you started, barely hearing yourself as you spoke.Â
âI saw⊠I saw him. It was him.â you managed to spit out, lips parted as you tried to force air in your lungs. âHim? As in Suguru?â Shoko spoke for Satoru, had you been able to turn your head and meet his gaze you would have seen that he had turned as pale as a sheet of paper. You could only muster a nod, shoulders shaking with the force of your breathing as you tried to ground yourself in reality once again. So many emotions were running rampant through your head that it was turning into a dull buzz where none of them could make their way up to the surface.Â
âYouâre⊠positive it was him?â Shoko closed what little distance there was, hand resting on your bicep as if she was afraid youâd take off running again. âP-positive. Iâd know him anywhere⊠The little girls were with him too.â You felt your baby kick, your hand flying up to rest on the swell of your stomach as you were finally grounded by their movement. âSorry honey⊠I didnât mean to scare you.â you spoke downwards, soothing your hand over the knit sweater to comfort the child within your womb. You doubted it would really comfort them, more so it was to comfort you.
You pulled your gaze away from the busy street, head turning to look at Satoru but the man was already taking off in the direction you had claimed to see Suguru go. âS-satoru?â Shokoâs head turned with yours, watching him stalk down the busy sidewalk. âHeâŠâ You started, but your voice sounded hollow as Shoko began guiding you back in the direction you had come from. âBut⊠heâŠâ Your head followed Satoru until Shoko had guided you away from the intersection and down the sidewalk. âLeave him be.â Shoko spoke slowly, head trained forward.
âBut he⊠SatoruâŠâ Shoko cut you off with a tug a little harder than the others âSatoru is a big boy, you are pregnant. You are in no condition to be booking it out of a store and into the busy road, did you even bother looking before you crossed the street?â For the first time ever, you could hear anger in Shokoâs words. Your silence was more than enough of an answer for her, a scoff leaving her lips as she pulled you over to a small area cut off from the endless streams of people making their way through the cityâs center. âYou cannot fucking do that, Y/N.â
But she could tell by the look in your eyes that you were anywhere but this moment in time.Â
âYou are pregnant. Carrying a baby inside of your body, who is reliant on you and you alone to keep them safe. You almost got hit by a fucking car. Do you even know that? You ran out into that street in front of cars Y/N.â Shokoâs voice wavered, to add to the many firsts that were occurring in these moments, her voice had begun to waver. As if she were scared⊠in truth she was. She had nearly witnessed you and your unborn baby be killed and yet you were completely oblivious. You caught sight of Suguru and you had left everything behind.Â
Somewhere in the back of your mind, amidst all the buzzing in your head and ringing in your ears, you were processing the gravity of the situation. Your actions had so blatantly given away your inner thoughts, thoughts you hadnât intended on letting out. You would, without fail, everytime, follow that man if given the chance. It made your heart ache, the same deep rooted ache that you were certain would never leave you until he was in your arms again. âSatoruâŠâ Shoko spoke softly, your head whipping in the direction Shoko was looking.Â
Satoru was making his way back up the sidewalk, face pale and eyes hollow. âI lost him.â he spoke softly, somehow still audible over the roaring of the city. âYou saw him?â Shoko questioned, her grip on your bicep lowering to your wrist because she really couldnât trust you to not run away from her. âOnly for a moment, he was getting into a car. The thing was driving off by the time I reached the spot where it had been parked.â Then, finally, knowing he was long gone by now, you could breathe again. The urge to run was gone, leaving you drained.Â
âI want to go home.âÂ
âYeah, me too.â Satoru uttered softly, arm coming up to rub the back of his neck. He seemed just as disconnected as you felt, leaving Shoko to look between the two of you in concern. âIâll call for the car.â She pulled out her phone, clicking a number she had on speed dial and waited. Your day had effectively been ruined, leaving you and Satoru in shambles all over again. âWe can try this again another day⊠but you need clothes that fit sooner than later.â Shoko knew she was practically speaking to herself at this point, flipping her phone shut and shoving it in her pocket.Â
The three of you stood quietly off to the side, waiting for the car to pull up to the curb and take you home. Your mind was still reeling of course, so many thoughts at once that it had essentially gone blank. But there, amidst the haze of your confusion, one question was burning brightly. âWhy didnât you use infinity?â Your tone was gravelly, eyes meeting Satoruâs dissociated gaze. â...what?â he questioned back as if there was no air in his lungs as he spoke. âWhy didnât you use infinity?â you say it again, a little stronger this time.Â
You had no intentions for it to come out accusatory, nor did you mean it to be rude. You were just stupidly unaware at that moment, your brain so clouded that it had reduced you to nothing. âWhy didnât you use your curse technique?â he countered, knowing your own technique would not have been able to stop Suguru from getting out of your grasp. âWhy didnât you look before crossing the street? Why didnât you run faster?â Satoru spat at you when you didnât answer, regret dawning in the back of his mind when he saw your eyes brim with tears.Â
âThat is enough, Satoru.â Shoko interjected before you could even mumble out a feeble response, sniffling harshly as you rubbed your watering eyes. âYou are both hurt. There is no god damn point in sitting here asking the other why they didnât do something because itâs done and over with now.â Shokoâs head was focused on Satoru, glaring at the man harshly as he schooled his features into stoic disinterest. âBetter yet, you two were so fucking shell shocked by his sudden appearance that you lost all sense of reason, so there. Thatâs why infinity wasnât used.âÂ
But still, Shoko was staring at Satoru. It angered you a bit, sniffling a little harder as you couldnât seem to control the watery whimpers that fell from wobbling lips. She should be mad at both of you, and instead she was primarily scolding Satoru and treating you as a frail object. But, given your hopeless and teary eyed gaze, Satoru didnât blame Shoko for focusing her anger on him. He regretted it almost as soon as he spoke the words out loud, having read your intentions wrong. But he couldnât swallow his pride and apologize for it just yet, still too overwhelmed.Â
You were both saved from her wrath due to the car pulling up to the curb. âWeâre going home, and you two are sitting in the back seat.â she tugged you along, reaching for Satoruâs wrist and tugging him too. âWeâll figure out your clothing situation another day.â She grumbled as she pulled the door open for you âfor now, just wear Satoruâs clothes⊠or Suguruâs.â she added the last bit softly, glancing up to see Satoru shoot her a look as he rounded the car to get in on the other side. âNext time, itâll just be the two of us going out.âÂ
You only nodded, sinking into the soft back seat of the schoolâs car and letting Shoko shut the door for you. Satoru settled in beside you, making a point to keep his distance and look out the window as the car began to drive off. You ignored it, not in the right headspace to even tackle what the manâs withdrawn behavior could really mean. Youâd just assume he was upset with you until he was ready to talk, because right now all you wanted was your own bed, in your own room, and to sleep until you couldnât remember why your heart was so heavy in the first place.
â
December 24th, 2007 [1:00pm]
twenty five weeks.Â
You were twenty five weeks into your pregnancy which meant you had roughly fourteen weeks left until your baby was born. Still, Suguru had no idea. Over half way through your pregnancy and the father of your baby had no idea you were even pregnant. âItâs christmas eve, little one.â You spoke softly as you sat alone in your dorm room, one of your own sweaters sitting snugly on your body, your pregnant belly was too big to hide at this point. âI canât believe youâre going to get biggerâŠâ you cooed softly, rubbing your stomach as you sat at your desk.Â
You haven't really been speaking to anyone, especially after your near encounter with Suguru back at the end of November. You and Satoru had made up to an extent, but you could still feel a strain on your relationship. That strain was leaking into your relationship with Shoko as well, isolating you from the feeling of comfort the two once brought you. You had ended up sleeping in your own room that night, not responding at first to either of them when they pressed you. âI just need space to think.â you had finally caved late that night when Shoko wouldnât stop texting.Â
You hadnât returned to either of their beds since, finding comfort in your not so alone solitude. You had your baby with you - in you - you were never truly alone nowadays. For some reason, neither of them pushed you further about the sudden switch of wanting to be alone. In the following weeks of Suguruâs deflection, you couldnât stand being in your once lively dorm room⊠despite not being able to drag yourself out of bed most mornings. Now, Satoru and Shoko saw you sparsely, so long as you were on campus, they supposed it was alright to leave you alone.Â
It took a few days for the realization to settle in, but your reaction to seeing Suguru again had really done a number on them. âIâll be out of their hair soon enoughâŠâ You murmured to your quiet room, pen scratching the notepad on your desk fervently as you expressed your sorrow. A faint smile was present on your lips as you wrote down your goodbye note to Shoko, a weight slowly being lifted off of your tired shoulders with each sentence you neatly scribbled down.Â
You would be leaving Jujutsu Tech tonight.
And if you could help it, you would never be coming back.Â
That was your final decision roughly one week after the whole incident, the guilt of feeling like a burden had been weighing on you since. You would be going to see him tonight, for the first time in four months you would be seeing Suguru⊠but he would have no idea it was you. It was all planned out, like clockwork really, you had worked through every fine detail of your departure. Your bag was packed and shoved under your bed, a duffle filled with some sentimental clothing items, your personal belongings and things that meant a lot to you.Â
Most of your dorm room would be staying behind, just as Suguru had.Â
You were - intentionally and not at the very same time - following in his footsteps. Albeit youâd have it a little harder because you had a funny feeling Satoru, Shoko, and Yaga already suspected you were ready to jump ship⊠they just didnât know when. You set your pen down for a moment, stretching each finger and flexing your hand to shake out the wariness. You would be leaving soon after the sun had set, while everyone who was still present on campus attended the annual christmas party. You would feign a migraine, something you had been doing quite frequently so it wouldnât come off too strange when Shoko or Satoru came knocking.
Once you were certain the dorms were empty, you and your baby would be off. Only two pit stops on your way out the door, Shokoâs dorm and Satoruâs dorm, so you could leave them your letters before disappearing into the night. The first stop after that would be the hotel room you had booked in Shinjuku, youâd place your bag there and get ready. You would be meeting with Suguru at 6pm, under an alias and disguise. You had called his assistant on a pay phone only a few days ago, begging for an appointment on christmas eve with the âmighty healerâ taking pity on you, she ran it by Suguru and he agreed.Â
The only reason you were doing this under a disguise was because you needed to get your emotions sorted. If you saw him for the first time again in months, face to face with nowhere to run, you were positive you would break down immediately. So, youâd ease into things as best you could. If things worked out, you would only have to live inside a hotel room for less than a week. But if things didnât work out like you prayed they would, you and your baby would figure it out as you went. You just couldnât bear the weight of your guilt any longer, you felt as if you were dragging everyone down.Â
Carefully, your pen was picked up and you began scratching your thoughts. Satoruâs letter has been finished for three days now, sitting neatly in an envelope on your bottom drawer. You were finishing Shokoâs now, front and back of each paper so the letter itself was nearly four pages long. Satoru was shorter, a single page because if you let yourself get carried away, you were certain you would run out of paper before you could finish your thoughts. Your teeth sunk into the flesh of your lower lip, worrying it deeply as you tried to conclude her letter.Â
Your pen froze on the paper as you stared at what you had written, for some reason it was hitting you now. Tears were welling in your eyes as you sniffled, trying to blink them away while trying to avoid them landing on the paper and soiling it. âCâmon now⊠it would be so unfair to her to litter this with my tears.â You pushed the paper away, getting up from your desk to make your way into the bathroom. Splashing cold water on your face seemed like the best solution, bending over the sink as best you could you let the water pool in your hands.Â
A couple rounds later you were able to regain your composure, reaching for the towel you kept hanging on the wall and using it to dry your face. You stood in the all too bright lights of your bathroom, looking at your reflection just to find it felt foreign for a moment. Twenty five weeks into your pregnancy, your stomach had certainly popped at this point, making it hard for you to believe it would continue to get bigger. âThe human body is fascinating.â you muttered softly, turning to the side so you could see how you looked with your sweater on. âYouâll be difficult to conceal, little one. Though, your daddy wonât know itâs meâŠâÂ
You were still going to put effort into trying to hide your pregnancy. That was a part of your plan you truly couldnât explain, it just didnât feel right waltzing in there with your pregnant belly on display while he had no idea it was you and his child. âLetâs finish Auntie Shokoâs letter, shall we?â You needed to get through it, you had no time to really delay things further. The sun would be setting in a few hours, the party would start at five, you had four hours total left for your time at Jujutsu Tech. Not a single second of it could be wasted.Â
You sat down again, inhaling through your nose and exhaling through your mouth as you picked up the pen with shaky hands. You reread everything you had written thus far, all the way up to your half done sentence. You picked it up front here, finishing your thoughts and concluding the letter within twenty minutes. With a labored sigh of relief, you pulled another envelope out of your drawer and folded the letter neatly, slipping it inside and sealing it. Your hand trembled tenfold as you wrote Shokoâs name neatly on the back. âDone⊠itâs done.âÂ
December 24th, 2007 [3:30pm]
You had drawn your blinds, got a hot pack ready, set medicine and a glass of water on your nightstand. Now, you laid in near darkness, counting down the seconds until Shoko or Satoru appeared at your door. You had planted the first seed an hour prior, telling Shoko you felt a migraine coming on over text and that youâd have to lay down for a bit to see if it would pass. She had responded with an âokayâ and let you know she or Satoru would be checking on you within the hour. If they stayed true to their word, it would be any time now.Â
You passed the time by looking out your window, despite the blinds being drawn you could still see slivers of the darkening sky. âWinter is such a melancholic season, little one.â not even evening yet and the sky was changing from blue to orange and finally fading into indigo. âIâm glad you wonât be born in the dead of winter⊠rather somewhere in early spring.â It was odd to think that the year was nearly through, that Christmas was looming just hours away. This was arguably the least festive Christmas you had ever experienced.Â
âYa know, this isnât how I thought my first pregnancy would go.â You whisper to your empty room, knowing it didnât matter how quietly you talked, your baby would hear you. At least, thatâs what you liked to think, that one thought always brought you comfort. âI swear mommy is going to fix this, my little love. You will be so cherished and so loved by me and your daddy.â You exhaled slowly, not expecting your own rambling to tug at your chest the way it did. âSoon, soon my little love, soon it will be okay.â You tried to swallow the lump in your throat as you struggled to roll onto your side, placing the hotpack on your head once more.Â
It took all of five minutes for footsteps to approach your door, a gentle rasp of fingers hitting the wood and a soft call of your name. âCome in.â You didnât have to try and sound weak, the frog in your throat aiding you. âWell, this is a depressing Christmas eve⊠how are you?â You struggled to roll over yet again, squinting as the hall light flooded your room, silhouetting Satoruâs lanky figure. âNot good, I donât think Iâll be able to go, Satoru.â You could see him shifting from foot to foot. âDo you⊠want me to stay with you?â and for a moment you had to school your expression from the sheer panic that nearly pulled your features.Â
âN-no, god that would be useless. Go enjoy your christmas eve, I have my pain meds and Iâve got some pregnancy safe sleeping meds. Iâll be out like a light within the next hour. Have fun, Satoru.â You urged him, praying he wouldnât be stubborn. Reluctantly, you heard him sigh. âAre you positive?â You werenât sure why him giving up so easily made your heart ache. For the sake of your plan, you couldnât let him stay. But, for some reason, it made your chest heavy that he didnât put up more of a fight. So different⊠Why are things so different? âPositive.â You gave him a weak smile, still squinting because of the hall light.
âAlright⊠well⊠merry christmas, Y/N. Iâll give everyone your well wishes.âÂ
âThank you, Satoru⊠Merry christmas.âÂ
You watched him leave, a gentle click of your door shutting flowed by his feet padding down the hallway again. It wasnât until silence was the only thing ringing in your ears that the choked sobs you had tried to hold off all day came forward. You couldnât catch your breath with the force of them, clutching your chest as you curled in on your side. Deep, guttural sobs shook your frame until they turned completely silent. In the dark of your room, you gasped for air that would not enter your lungs. Your cries so wheezy and silent that you were certain you would pass out if you could not get a grip and catch your breath.Â
It hurts⊠god it fucking hurts⊠What went wrong? Where did I go so horribly wrong? Your own thoughts seem to bounce off the cavern of your skull, echoing in your ears as hot tears ruined your pillowcase. You forced yourself into a sitting position despite your body screaming in protest, your babyâs fluttering kicks urging you to relax before you sent them into distress along with you. âI'm sorryâŠIâm sorry.â You could barely speak, stumbling out of your bed and towards your bathroom, blindly searching for the knob as your vision was clouded with tears.Â
All you could think about was cold water, splashing cold water on your face would ground you for a moment. Though, cold water certainly could not cure a breaking heart. Your slowly swelling eyes remained shut as you flicked on the LED lights of your bathroom, blindly walking to your sink and turning the cold water on. It contrasted starkly with the hot tears that had been streaming down your cheeks, filling your nose and making it run. You hated it, every second of it, so utterly hopeless and confused. You never wanted to leave on a bad note, but it didn't seem like something that could be helped. Not now at leastâŠÂ
You bent down, eyes opening a fraction to see the crystal clear water pool in your cupped hands before overflowing. After a moment, you splashed it up on your face, gasping as it seemed to shock your system out of its haze. You did it again, and again, and again, until the tears stopped and you could breathe without needing to think about it. âThere we go⊠Iâm so sorry, little one. Mommy didnât mean to frighten you like thatâŠâ Slowly, your babyâs hyperactivity slowed, relaxing with your calming heart. âIâm still learning⊠I promise Iâll get the hang of it.âÂ
âYou are pregnant. Carrying a baby inside of your body, who is reliant on you and you alone to keep them safe. You almost got hit by a fucking car.â
Shokoâs words still hung heavy on you from that day. Ever since, you have become all too aware of your baby. Especially since you had begun spending so much time alone, every waking thought was about them and their well being. Even at doctorâs appointments you were certain Shoko only accompanied you so you wouldnât use it as a chance to run off. âI think itâs almost time for us to go, little one.â You had told your doctor that you didnât want to know the gender, as much as it killed you to wait. You wanted Suguru present when it was revealed.Â
With a heavy sigh you grabbed a towel, drying your face and tossing it in the hamper to never be washed. Your mind was still filled with ten million and one thoughts, but you needed to try and stay level headed if you wanted to get off of campus without being spotted. You gave your bathroom one last glance over, three years this room had been your home. After tonight, you would likely never see it again. With a small amount of hesitation, you flicked off the lights and shut the door. Now you were faced with every step that needed to be taken to pull this all off.Â
The first step was to lock your door, you couldnât bring yourself to breathe until you did so. Crossing the short distance, you held the knob title and turned the lock until it clicked. That pulled a fraction of the stress off of your shoulders, allowing you to move a little more freely about your bedroom as you got yourself ready. You werenât particularly in a rush, though the racing of your heart certainly made you feel like you should be. It took you about twenty minutes to sort through the contents of your bag before throwing a few more things inside of it.Â
By now the sun had set, 4:00pm was staring at you in big red letters on your nightstand.Â
Iâve got time. You spoke to yourself, shuffling over to your desk to pull the bottom drawer open. You had been strategic, burning and disposing of any information you had kept hidden in there. Not that there was truly anything worthwhile, you just felt a bit paranoid leaving it behind. Now, all that was left were the two letters youâd be placing in their dorm rooms. This was how youâd make sure they had actually left for the party. You had plenty of excuses made up in the event they were still inside their respective dorm rooms. âAlright little one, letâs go.âÂ
You carefully placed the letters inside of your coat, shielding them from unwanted eyes in the event things turned for the worse. You tried to move with no real direction, if you seemed intent on getting somewhere, it would easily give you away. At least thatâs what you figured while unlocking your door and heading out into the quiet hallway. Squinting, playing the part of someone who had a raging migraine, you shuffled down the hall towards Shokoâs bedroom. Your sock covered feet seemed to echo with each soft tap, your body carrying you down the halls you had considered your one and only home for nearly three years.Â
âShoko?â you knocked on her door, speaking loud enough that if anyone was in there, theyâd hear you. After a moment of no answer, you grabbed the knob and pushed it open. Shokoâs room was dark, all lights off save for the festive holiday lights she had strung up around the perimeter of her dorm room. Itâs really been that long⊠I had no idea she even did this⊠the weight of that realization made it hard to breathe again, chest tight as you made your way forward while tugging the envelope with her name on it out of your coat. Her room once felt so safe to you, so homey and secure⊠Now it felt as if you were walking into a strangerâs dorm.Â
It was astonishing how quickly relationships could change over one âsmallâ event in time.Â
Your heart was still pounding in your chest as you dropped the note on her desk. You didnât want to waste another second, turning on your heels and shutting the door as if you had never been in there to begin with. Next was Satoru, his room just a little ways down the hall. Your feet seemed to move slower than before, one hand resting on the swell of your stomach as you waddled to the door you had opened and shut so many times over the years youâd never be able to keep count. You could feel it again, the frog forming in your throat as you held your hand up.Â
But you stopped mid-way to the door, you never knocked before entering Satoruâs dorm room. That would immediately raise suspicions if he still happened to be inside. So, one last time, for old time sake, you pushed into his unlocked dorm room and heaved a heavy sigh as you were greeted with nothing in return. Satoru had left his desk lamp on, leaving the room in a golden glow despite nobody being inside. You couldnât understand why you felt disappointed about the fact that he wasnât there. Just as you couldnât describe the heaviness in your chest when he didnât put up a fight only a little while ago. Such stupid emotions⊠stupid stupid stupid.Â
You shut his door behind you as you entered his dorm for what would be the very last time. It seemed to suck the air from your lungs as you stepped further into the room you had once been so familiar with. Only a few weeks had passed and yet you felt as if an eternity had expanded across the short period of time. It almost felt foreign as you stepped towards the bed you had spent so many nights in, eyes roaming over his disheveled covers from his hazardous bed making skills. You pulled the letter out of your coat, laughing a bit as you realized your stupid mistake, not that it mattered now. Youâd be out the door in less than ten minutes.Â
You left the envelope neatly on his pillow, holding back tears as you turned away and walked out of the room all together. There was no point in reminiscing, no point in wishing for things to return to how they once were, you needed to do what you deemed best for yourself and your child. That meant being with your babyâs father, that meant doing what you could to rebuild the things Suguru had destroyed. For some reason, that seemed easier than staying at Jujutsu Tech. You pulled Satoruâs door shut, adrenaline flooded your veins as you processed the fact that all you had left to do now was grab your few things and leave.Â
You moved down the hall quickly, feet carrying you faster than they had in a long while. Every step you took, out in the open, felt like you were begging for someone to accidentally stumble upon you. You could heave a sigh of relief as your dorm door was in sight once again. You pushed into your dorm room again, throat feeling dry as you grabbed the duffle bag off of your bed and slung it over your shoulder. You looked around one last time, pregnancy hormones making you suddenly sentimental over everything youâd be leaving behind. They are nothing more than inanimate belongings, get a hold on reality. You scolded yourself as your eyes welled with tears, youâd have plenty of time in the future to gain new sentiment over such trivial things.Â
Right now, you need to get out. He was waiting for you, unknowingly Suguru was waiting for you. Youâd be damned if you gave up the opportunity now. With a heavy heart, you crossed the distance one last time and turned off the lights of your dorm before stepping into the hall. With a click that felt almost deafening, it was time for you to make your way out of the dorm building without gaining any unwanted attention. You placed everything on your fellow classmates being at that damned christmas party, you just prayed it was a safe bet to make. You moved equally as fast as you had moments prior, feet carrying you and your child down the wooden halls you could no longer call your home. Each step seemed to creak loudly as it bounced off empty walls.Â
Your feet hit the landing of the first floor and you felt like theyâd give out beneath you, Everything was too silent, though you supposed that should be a good thing for your sake. It made you feel uneasy regardless, every fiber of your being seemed to come alive with each step you took. The air in your lungs seemed to be frozen as your hands met the cool metal of the back door, one push and your fate would be sealed. For the first time that day, you didnât second guess a single action you made, pushing it open to be greeted with a gush of cold air.Â
Freedom.
Had you not been so heavily pregnant, you would have taken off in an all out sprint. You didnât realize how badly you ached to do so until the ability was taken from you. Instead, you moved as fast as your feet would allow you to, hand resting on your stomach to try and minimize the amount of bouncing the action was causing you. You would be off campus within seconds, out into the real world and on the subway before you could process it. It seemed as if the universe put wind on your sail again, the only thing thundering in your ears was the sound of your own racing heart. It was within your reach, so close you could taste it, the happiness you so desperately longed to feel again, it was coming back.Â
âY/N?âÂ
You stopped short, the air leaving your lungs just as it had left your metaphorical sail. You turned slowly, bracing yourself for who youâd see calling your name. Much to your surprise, it was the last person you had expected to see. â...Nanami?â The blonde was looking you over with creased brows, nodding a bit as you stated the obvious. âYeah, itâs me uhâŠwow.â he commented softly, taking a timid step towards you. âI came for the party though I didnât really want to⊠I see youâve got a lot going on.â He cleared his throat, it dawned on you in that moment that he had no idea you were pregnant until this very second. âI-yeah. You could put it like that.âÂ
âItâs Suguruâs, isnât it?â he questioned softly, finally dragging his eyes from the swell of your stomach and up to your face. âIt is, he just doesnât know it yet.â Yet. Nanami wasnât stupid, seeing the duffle bag slung over your shoulder he knew you were leaving. âI take it thatâs where youâre heading now?â his voice was achingly quiet, though he had never been one to talk loudly. âIt⊠yeah it is. Iïżœïżœumm⊠Nanami, they donât know Iâm leaving.â You started, your throat feeling dry as you tried to figure out how to proceed. âYouâre not coming back.â he stated it more than questioned. Carefully, you nodded. âIâm not coming back.â you repeated with a sad smile.Â
âI understand. Trust me, if anyone is to understand where youâre coming from with that logic, itâs me.â You felt the tension melting from your shoulders âNanami, promise me you wonât say a word⊠I left them letters I just⊠I canât have them stopping me now. Not when my mind is made up.â The blonde nodded slowly, eyes roaming over your body and back to your baby bump. âYou have to do what you think is best for you and your baby. If leaving this all behind, if going to Suguru is what you deem best, then nobody has the right to disagree with you.â He stated it matter-of-factly to you, arms crossing as a gentle smile crossed his face.Â
âTake care of yourself, and your baby, Y/N. Tell Suguru I said hello, and I promise your secret is safe with me.â As quickly as it started, it seemed to stop. Nanami had always been a man of purpose. âI will⊠thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you, Nanami.â The blonde nodded, still smiling a bit as he turned away from you. âThis never happened, Iâm sure youâre on a tight schedule.â But his tone was lighter for once, making you smile a bit as you uttered out a soft âyeah⊠see you later, Nanami.â You took off again, feet carrying you down the dirt paths with ease. Unknowingly to you, Nanami was watching you go, not moving from his spot until you had disappeared from his sight. He sighed deeply before finally moving the other way.Â
 âI hope you find your peace, Y/N.âÂ
December 24th, 2007 [4:45pm]Â
You held onto the iron pole of the subway cart as it barreled down the tracks. Standing where you were now, surrounded by people heading home to spend the holidays with their families, fluorescent lights nearly blinding, you felt unreal. As if this was all a figment of your imagination and youâd wake up in your bed, in your dorm room, hopelessly alone again. It hadnât been until you arrived at the station that you realized just how suffocated you had felt at Jujutsu Tech. Satoru and Shoko had been so strict in hopes of keeping you from flying the nest, instead it had the polar opposite effect. I guess I should thank them.Â
You didnât hold any malice towards the two, but it did sting when you thought of how quickly they changed. You could, arguably, understand where they were coming from. By no means were claiming innocence to anything that had gone down between the three of you. It was crazy to you how less than forty five minutes of freedom was already giving you a level head and better perspective. Though you doubted youâd be able to cling onto sanity for much longer, with each minute that ticked by you were closer to seeing Suguru. That alone made your heart swell.Â
Based on the lights above your head, youâd be at Shinjuku Station in less than three minutes. From there it would be taking a taxi to the hotel you had booked a room at. Then, so long as check-in went smoothly, youâd be in your room and getting ready before 5:30. You knew Suguruâs religious group was a fifteen minute walk from your hotel, but a taxi would get you there in five. Either way, youâd get there by 6pm, you didnât care how. Your heart was thumping erratically, you knew youâd need to disconnect your phone once you got off the train.Â
You prayed with each passing second that you wouldnât feel it buzz, that nobody would ring your line because truthfully you didnât think youâd be able to handle knowing they knew. Youâd rather be selfishly, blissfully unaware of when their worlds came crashing down for a second time. You would need to destroy your phone once you arrived at the station, you could worry about buying a new one after the holidays had passed. Truthfully, there was no reason for you to remain in contact with anyone anymore, what was done was done and that was simply it. It did make your heart ache though, but you were a big girl, you made the bed and you now had to sleep in it.Â
The subway cart came to a halt, sending you forward a bit as your clammy hand gripped the pole a little harder. An automated voice came over the speaker to announce that you had arrived at Shinjuku station. With that, the doors were sliding open, crowds of people moving to exit the train just as people flooded to enter it. Luckily for you, people could see your state, knowing you were pregnant, many moved out of the way just a bit to accommodate you as you walked by. You had ended up standing the whole train ride despite many offering you their seats. You had assured them you were fine, antsy even and it would help your nerves to stand.Â
Your feet felt as heavy as led as you carried yourself through the brightly lit station towards the escalators that would carry you back up to street level. With your phone clutched tightly in your hand, you activated your curse technique. You could feel it now, the metal and glass that made up your flip phone crushed until it resembled nothing more than a flattened soda can. Completely unusable, utterly destroyed. You dropped it in a passing trash can, body feeling significantly lighter now that there was no way for them to directly contact you. Your feet hit the moving platform a second later, carrying you upwards, a step closer to your goal.Â
December 24th, 2007 [5:45pm]Â
You were early, you couldnât help it. You had taken as little time as possible once you arrived at your hotel room, throwing together an imperfect disguise. You had managed to successfully hide your pregnancy, a disposable face mask was hiding the lower half of your face. Suguru would recognize your eyes, you knew that, so even though the sun had long ago set, you slotted a pair of sunglasses over your face. Your hair was neatly tucked under a beanie, the hood on your sweatshirt being dragged overtop. You had to wonder if this appearance would raise any suspicions with him, but you had to assume he was used to people being ashamed of wanting to be âhealedâ. Either way, you prayed he wouldnât question it.Â
Your weight shifted from foot to foot, eyes peering up at the looming and honestly overwhelming building that made up the temple. You had a handful of steps you would need to climb to reach the entrance, which had been part of your desire to get here as soon as you could manage. Climbing up stairs had become your mortal enemy at this point, one flight in and you were wheezing for air. âBear with me, little one.â You let your hand smooth over your stomach one last time before starting your torturous climb. Each step was shaky, your breath warm on your face as the mask shielded you from the cool air. Still, labored breathing was enough to have faint puffs of your breath turning visible in the air.Â
The added layers werenât helping your cause, either. But you would manage, all because Suguru was just beyond the walls of the temple that loomed before you. For months you had to live with the fact that he was alive and well within miles of you. Just out of your reach, leaving you to pick up the shattered pieces of the life you had so carefully tried to build. You had been angry, sad, depressed and disappointed. You had gone through every stage of grief and then some. But right now, as you ascended these steps, it suddenly didnât seem to matter anymore. How foolish you could become when blinded by such devoted love. âAre you here to meet with Master Geto?â
You glanced up at the sound of a womanâs voice, recognizing it from when you spoke on the phone a dew days prior. âI-I am.â you huffed out, finally reaching the top of the platform in which the temple rested upon. âYouâre quite early, Mast Geto will appreciate this.â She smiled warmly at you but you could tell by the ugly crinkle in her smile lines that it was forced. âIâm glad.â You managed to squeeze out, trying to calm your racing heart as your babyâs kicks fluttered around your stomach. Always so active. You mused to yourself as the woman turned away from you. âHeâll likely be waiting already, he just finished with a client. Youâre the last for the year. Quite the honor if I say so myself. Youâre very lucky.â Very lucky, huh?
You didnât have to bother hiding your amused smirk, the face mask providing you all the security you needed as she guided you towards the templeâs entrance. âI hope you donât mind my appearance.â You started, testing the waters to see how poorly she thought of you based on one glance. âItâs alright, Master Geto understands some of the people that come to him are doing so against their familyâs wishes. Anonymity is welcomed in his eyes.â You felt your brow twitch, humming out a âoh goodâ as the temple doors seemed to open on their own. âBefore you meet with him privately, I do have a small handful of rules.â Rules? She took your silence as a go-ahead, holding her clipboard tightly to her chest as her hips swayed with each step.Â
âMaster Geto asks you to wash your hands before meeting with him. He also requests that you do not touch him unless he reaches out to touch you. Granted the most the man will touch is your hands or shoulders. He will never venture any further.â You assumed that had to do with his newfound hatred for non-sorcerers, anything of the sort was likely considered filth to him. So how peculiar was it that he would go out of his way to heal them. If you could pick his brains apart, you would. You prayed wholeheartedly that youâd be given the chance. All those countless nights, sitting beside Satoru, trying to wrap your head around Suguru and his choices.Â
He owed you the deepest, most thought out and intricate explanation he could manage. You still couldnât fathom why this was the answer to his jumbled thoughts. âYou may use this sink to cleanse yourself.â You blinked, head turning to the stainless steel sink fitted right to the wall outside the doors that would lead to Suguruâs quarters. It was brand new, clearly installed within the templeâs construction only a few months prior. You exhaled slowly as you pushed up your sleeves, this was by no means the Suguru you remembered. But you couldnât let your doubt drag you down yet, you still hadnât seen him, spoken with him.Â
You set the water to cold, scrubbing your hands thoroughly with the soap provided. You swore you could still feel the clammy, dirty metal of the subway pole on your hands despite washing them when you got to the hotel. It only made you scrub harder, anxiety creeping into your neck as the crushing reality began to settle in. Within minutes⊠no within seconds really, youâd be seeing Suguru again for the first time in nearly five months. âYou may use the towels to your right to dry your hands once you are done.â The woman chimed softly behind you, looking down at her clipboard so she could cross off your name â an alias you had given â the last on his list.Â
You felt a moment of hesitation as you reached up to turn off the water. As if the anticipation for this moment would feel more overwhelming than seeing him in person again. You found yourself fearing the disappointment that may come with this meeting. It took you a moment, but you pushed forward, grabbing the knob and turning the cold water off. âAlright, Miss.â You grabbed a towel, drying your hands thoroughly before dropping it in the bin beside the sink. âAlright.â You repeated, turning to face her, sight dimmed from the darkened corridor and the shading of your glasses. âIf youâll allow me to check in, Master Geto should be ready for you.âÂ
Your heart had begun to hammer in your throat, over the roaring in your ears you uttered out a weak âOkay.â As she strolled past you and pushed through the large door, just enough to peak her head and upper half of her body in. A little muffled, but you heard her speak âMaster Geto, your last client is here. Are you ready for her?âIf he responded, you couldnât hear it, your own heartbeat pulsing in your ears as she turned to smile at you.Â
âMaster Geto is ready to see you, please, head in.âÂ
Here went everything, everything you had thrown away had led to this very moment. You nodded, taking one step forward, then another, until somehow your legs managed to hold out on you and carry you into the large prayer room. The door shut behind you, nearly making your feet falter as you took in the expanse of the room. It was absurdly large, mats rolled up and leaning against the wall, you assumed it was for his worshipers. The room itself was lit primarily by candle light, yet it was still bright enough to make out everything before you.Â
A small flight of stairs led to a raised podium, an arm rest screwed into the ground to support Suguru as he lounged. âWelcome.â Your eyes landed on him, his fist pressed into the side of his cheek as he smiled at you. Behind him was a large altar, barren likely due to the temple being closed until the new year after tonight. âPlease, dear, come up and sit before me.â His voice, smooth and melodic, just as it had always been. But this time around it carried a level of authority and hospitality that was foreign to you.Â
You swore stars were starting to spot your vision, so utterly overwhelmed by his presence that you had to force air into your lungs as you climbed more godforsaken steps. âThank you for meeting with me, Master Geto.â You choked out, doing a horrible job of hiding your genuine emotions. âOf course, I couldnât say no after hearing how urgent your needs were. Think of this as a Christmas gift from me to you.â He spoke softly, eyes roaming over your appearance. âSo, please, do tell me of your problems. Something horrid seems to be ailing you.âÂ
You knelt before him, praying it didnât look awkward as your stomach nearly made it impossible to get into such a position inconspicuously. âI just⊠Iâm not even sure what is ailing me.â You started softly, hand reaching up to adjust your absurd disguise. âIâm desperate, I figured if anyone could help me, it would be youâŠâ For a moment you nearly uttered Suguru, your throat felt dry as you quietly finished â...Master Geto.â You stared at him through the lenses of your sunglasses, wondering how Satoru dealt with wearing the cursed things all the damn time.Â
As Suguruâs eyes roamed over you, studying you intently, you felt reality weighing on you once more. Suguru was right there, in front of you, less than two feet. It felt utterly surreal, maybe that's why you felt so disconnected from the moment. Two weeks of pure, agonizing grief over his departure only to be cut off by the realization that you were pregnant with his baby. Sure that didnât fix your broken heart, at first it had even managed to make it worse. But it kept you busy, and has continued to keep you busy over the course of September, October, November, and now at the end of December. Yet it hadnât been enough to bring you to your senses.Â
âYou seem troubled, and Iâm so sorry youâve been having such a difficult time.â he uttered softly, straightening from his lounging position as he let his arm rest to support him instead of having his fist pressed to his cheek. Everything thus far had brought you right to this moment, right back into his arms⊠almost. You blinked, swallowing nothing at all and nearly choking. For a split second it felt like Suguru was talking directly to you, your Suguru. Not the Geto Suguru who was the new head of the old star vessel religious group. Your mouth opened and closed a few times, hands folded neatly on your lap despite having to strain to reach it.Â
âI appreciate the sentiment, Master Geto. Please, what are you going to do to aid me?â For a foolish moment, you wondered if maybe there was some invisible curse clinging to your back and weighing you down. âI will do the best I can to heal you, my dear.â You inhaled slowly, nodding as you spoke âThank you, but may I ask how?â it had slipped past your lips before you could stop it, a genuine question you prayed wouldn't come across as offensive. After all, itâs how you lost Satoruâs trust. âOf course you may, itâs human nature to be curious, my dear.â He started softly, a grin on his face as he moved to sit up fully, no arm rest to keep him balanced.Â
âI could preach to you about how there is good and there is evil, how the strong prey on the weak and use it to their advantage. But that is common and dismal knowledge at this point, that is not what you are looking for either.â You nodded, eyes still soaking in every inch that made up the man before you. As much as the sunglasses were annoying you, you appreciate them for allowing you to so shamelessly admire your lover. âYouâre tired, arenât you? You feel as though you are being weighed down.â He questioned you softly, watching you nod as he found a small starting point for your ailments. âDid something happen to you recently?âÂ
For a moment you swore you felt your heart stop beating in your chest. That question was far too loaded for you to answer, so you cleared your throat a bit, muttering a soft âyesâ but not willing to go further. Suguru seemed to understand that, nodding softly. âYou, by no means, need to explain yourself to me, my dear. I will do what I can to ease your burdens.â you watched his hands, noticing every little detail as they reached for you. âAre you alright with me taking your hands?â So soft you nearly missed it over the thundering of your heart.
 âY-you may.â Shakily, you stuck your own hands out, feeling a bit awkward at the clamminess of them. For the first time in months, Suguruâs skin was on yours again. It brought a wave of relief you thought you would never feel again. The warmth of his hands in your own, worn and calloused but somehow perfectly soft and cared for. They encompassed yours, his grip strong but not strong enough to hurt, mindful of you. Tears welled in your eyes, throat constricting in a way that you knew meant tears were going to flow freely before you could stop them.Â
âYou have no idea how long Iâve been waiting for you, Y/N.âÂ
â
âMaster Geto, there is a potential client on the line and she is very adamant about meeting with you on the 24th of December.â Suguru stopped reading over his paperwork, eyes glancing up at the secretary he had hired only a few weeks back. âThat so?â he mused softly, tapping his pen against the polished oak of his desk. âI really didnât want to take many people that day, considering Mimiko and NanakoâŠâ he started with a hum, pondering it for a moment longer. âDid she say her name, her intentions, anything of interest?â He was far too tempted to flat out say no.Â
âShe seemed very nervous, sheâs said she's not been feeling very good recently and youâve become her last resort. She canât keep going on like this.â The secretary repeated your urgent, mildly-overdramatic words. âSounds dire.â Suguru spoke softly, still mulling over his thoughts. For some reason, he couldnât bring himself to utter the words "tell her no.â Instead, after a brief pause âLet her know Iâll be able to meet with her on the 24th of December, 6pm.â The secretary nodded, moving to leave once more but stopping short as Suguru called her name. âShe will be the last client for this year, please let any new potential clients know that I will not be able to meet with them until after the new year.âÂ
She nodded quickly before departing, leaving Suguru alone again as he reached for the paperwork he set down. âWhat a kind heart you have, papa Geto.â Suguru hadnât even been able to read the next sentence, laughing softly at Mimikoâs comment. The brunette girl was kicking her feet, coloring intently beside her sister on the plush rug Suguru had put in just for them. âItâs important to help people in need, you know. She seemed like she could really use it.â He smiled fondly at the two sisters, listening to Nanako hum softly as she scribbled onto the page.Â
âI guess youâre right.âÂ
âYou guess Iâm right?âÂ
Mimiko nodded, stopping her coloring to look up at Suguru behind his desk. âYeah, I mean you really donât need to help anyone. But you choose to do so even when you donât have to. You have a kind heart, papa Geto.â The small girl repeated her initial statement, smiling softly as Suguruâs expression morphed into one of genuine surprise. He couldnât bring himself to say anything, watching her small head turn back to the paper she was drawing on, starting to hum along with the tune Nanako had set. Suguru sat there, wondering how a child could think of such things.Â
He saw himself as anything but kind-hearted at this point in his life. But still, he didnât have the heart to say those things, especially not to a six year old. Suguru had barely reached for his paperwork again when your face crossed his mind, making him freeze once more. You had been a constant thought in his mind since the day he left. Not even an hour had gone by where you didnât consume his thoughts, knocking the air from his lungs and paralyzing him for a moment. He missed you. Fuck he missed you terribly and it was enough to render him utterly immobile at points.Â
Slowly, he forced air back in his lungs, your smile leaving a permanent mark engraved in his mind. He didnât regret anything he did up until this point, well maybe except for one particular thing. He didnât take you with him the day he left. He knew he loved you too much to force you into this kind of life, he needed it to be a choice you made out of your own free will. Something cheesy about loving someone meant setting them free when the time came had crossed his mind when leaving you that letter. Leaving it on the bed he once called his own, so long as you were in it, it was his.Â
But still, the choice to leave it all up to your own free will did nothing to fill the void beside him each night. How desperately he wished you were laying beside him, curled perfectly into his embrace, face snuggled into the crook of his neck. Your natural musk mixing with your perfume, your hair tickling his hands as he held you tight, your chest rising and falling evenly as you slept. He ached to hold you again, finding it hard to fall asleep each night in your absence. But he had made this choice, he had to own it, even if that meant you werenât a part of his life right now.Â
âBut he knew, deep down, that it was only temporary; you'd come back to him.â
â
He had been right, of course. He just hadnât expected it to come so soon, as if whatever forces in the universe heard his consistent, unwavering, silent prayer. The moment those doors opened, he knew it was you. From the moment you stepped foot in the prayer room, he could feel you. His soul would never not recognize you, no matter how hard you tried to disguise yourself. He had felt it then, that shaky, stuttering breath as you walked so cautiously into the room. It had taken every ounce of his willpower to not get up and go to you. Based on your appearance, it was clear that you didnât want to be recognized by him.Â
âWelcome.â He started, praying you wouldnât hear the tremor in his voice as his heart pounded erratically in his chest. âPlease, dear, come up and sit before me.â Carefully, he trained his emotions into neutral ease, watching you shakily make your way towards him. It was you, fuck it was really you. For a moment Suguru was certain he would pass out from the intensity of your presence. How often had he dreamt of you, how often had he silently wondered what you were doing. How often had Nanako and Mimiko listened to him blabber about you with such fondness? Probably too many times to count, bless them.Â
Suguru watched you climb up the steps, your voice sending his heart into a death spiral. âThank you for meeting with me, Master Geto.â There it was. The voice he had longed to hear for months now; your voice had always been so utterly hypnotic to him. âOf course, I couldnât say no after hearing how urgent your needs were. Think of this as a Christmas gift from me to you.â He had to wonder if he was being transparent, it was impossible to hide the sparkle in his eyes as his whole world sat down before him. âSo, please, do tell me of your problems. Something horrid seems to be ailing you.â His brow twitched as he looked you over, worry flooding his veins that you had been over exerting yourself in his absence.Â
He noticed you had struggled for a moment, leaving him to ponder further. Were you hurt? Had you gone on a mission recently and injured yourself? âI just⊠Iâm not even sure what is ailing me.â Suguruâs heart ached at the sadness in your tone, you sounded so detached as you continued. âIâm desperate, I figured if anyone could help me, it would be youâŠâ he noticed you hesitate for a moment, as if nearly choking on the wrong words before uttering out âMaster Geto.â His family name sounded foreign coming from your mouth, a mouth he couldn't even see under the disposable face mask you adorned. There you were, kneeling before him after months of waiting, and he couldnât even see your beautiful face.Â
Suguru looked you over, eyes soaking in every inch of you despite how covered you were. âYou seem troubled, and Iâm so sorry youâve been having such a difficult time.â the words nearly got caught in his throat, coming out so soft that it nearly wasnât audible. It was almost too genuine, for a brief moment he had forgotten, speaking to you as if nothing had changed at all. He had to wonder if you heard it. All thoughts died before they were even fully formed, the prolonged silence between you being shattered as you spoke âI appreciate the sentiment, Master Geto. Please, what are you going to do to aid me?â You sounded⊠defeated.Â
âI will do the best I can to heal you, my dear.â
But, he could tell you didnât seem overly satisfied with that answer. âThank you, but may I ask how?â he couldnât help the way his lips quirked at your question. âOf course you may, itâs human nature to be curious, my dear.â his smirk turned into something softer, a genuine smile. You hadnât changed a bit, your blunt curiosity still shining through. âI could preach to you about how there is good and there is evil, how the strong prey on the weak and use it to their advantage. But that is common and dismal knowledge at this point, that is not what you are looking for either.â He watched you nod, aching to know what was going on inside of your head.Â
âYouâre tired, arenât you? You feel as though you are being weighed down.â He watched you, brown eyes analyzing your every movement, his heart aching as you nodded. âDid something happen to you recently?â it slipped out, he didnât want to seem like he was prying even though he was very well aware that the âsomethingâ that happened was none other than him. Still, nothing could have prepared him for the ache in his chest as you uttered out a soft, broken âyes.â The urge to soothe you had nearly caused him to lean forward; the need to pull you into a tight, crushing hug to try and soothe your sorrows was becoming too much.Â
You deserve none of the emotional turmoil he put you through.Â
âYou, by no means, need to explain yourself to me, my dear. I will do what I can to ease your burdens.â he breathed out, not knowing how else to soothe you if he couldn't touch you in the ways he desired. So, he dared to ask âAre you alright with me taking your hands?â Suguru couldnât breathe after asking it, the idea of touching you again after months of being apart was almost too much for him to handle. âY-you may.â There, for a brief moment, was the Y/N he fell in love with a few years back, so outgoing but so shy the moment he tried to initiate anything. It made his heart clench, the feeling of nostalgia washing over him in waves as he reached forward.Â
Your hands were trembling as he took them in his own. For a moment, Suguruâs shoulders sagged. Your warm skin pressed to his was something he had missed so dearly. No words could describe the relief he felt, your hands wrapping so gingerly around him as his grip tightened. He was afraid you would pull away, being mindful to not squeeze you too tight. Suguru couldnât quite believe it, every word he had practiced, every speech he had thought of for when this moment arrived. None of it mattered. Not a single word was able to claw its way out of the depths of his mind. Too overwhelmed by the fact that you were before him.Â
Before he could stop himself, before the moment became awkward from the long stretch of silence. Suguru uttered the only words that came to mind.Â
âYou have no idea how long Iâve been waiting for you, Y/N.âÂ
âÂ
You blinked, not that he could see it from behind the shades of your sunglasses. Still, you were stunned into silence. Your brain was struggling to catch up, processing the words Suguru had spoken two, three, four times before finally registering. âWhaââ was all you could manage, the syllables dragging out as Suguru chuckled softly. âI didnât mean to unveil your secret before you were ready, Y/N. But no disguise you could wear would be able to conceal you from me. Iâd know it was you every single time.â he swallowed, eyes shifting down to your clasped hands as if he was getting shy. âIâve missed you so terribly⊠and I know I donât have any right to say that because this is all my fault but... Iâve missed you.â
Still, you were speechless.Â
âY/N⊠my sweet girl⊠Please say something.â Suguru wasnât going to move until you responded to him, too afraid of overstepping your boundaries. Your mouth opened and closed again, swallowing the lump in your throat as you uttered out a soft âhi.â You couldnât think of anything else, every thought in your mind was too jumbled to truly form a proper sentence. âHi.â he repeated back to you, the same level of adoration in his tone that youâve always known him to have towards you. âCan I take these off?â He was already letting go of one of your hands to reach for your sunglasses as you nodded. Your heart was erratic as his fingers ghosted your temple.Â
You felt it then, the tremor in his hands as he gently took the sun glasses off of you. For the first time in four months you were seeing Suguru without any barriers. âThere you are.â He smiled, letting go of your other hand so he could gingerly pull the face mask off of you. You couldnât contain it then, a smile making your lips twitch as your face was fully exposed again. âMy beautiful girl.â Suguru breathed out, eyes memorizing every feature like they werenât already burned into his memory. âMy handsome boy.â your words nearly got caught in your throat, eyes watering as Suguru carefully took off your hood and revealed your hair. His smile matched yours, his lips quivering as he struggled to say anything in response.Â
So much to say, but you were both in silent awe of each other.Â
It dawned on you a second later that Suguru still had no idea you were carrying his baby.Â
âSuguru IâŠâ you choked a bit, reaching to hold his hand again just as he reached for yours. âIâve missed you too, terribly.â He watched you, brows creasing a bit as his face grew solemn. âIt was never my intention to hurt you like this, Y/N.â For some reason, you couldnât muster any of the anger you figured you would feel when seeing Suguru again. âI know it wasnâtâ So soft it was barely audible but Suguru clung on to every word. âBut it still happened, I still hurt you. IâŠâ he swallowed, holding your hand a little tighter. âMy only regret is not taking you with me the night I left. But I couldnât do that to you, I couldnât force you to run away with me after what I did. I donât regret a single action Iâve made besides that.âÂ
âI would have left with you, I hope you know that. Wherever you are is where I want to be.â And for a moment you swore you saw tears welling in Suguruâs eyes. âNo amount of apologizing will make up for the hell I caused you.â he looked down at your clasped hands before meeting your eyes once more âBut I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you, if youâll let me.â For a moment your heart ached so deeply it nearly scared you, your babyâs fluttering kicks reminded you of the hurtle you still needed to clear. âYou donât have to do that, Suguru. Keeping me by your side is all I could ever ask for⊠provide for me andâŠâ You stopped, eyes closing for a moment as you breathed out a laugh. âSuguru.â He straightened at your tone change.
âYes?â You could hear the concern lacing his words, as if you were suddenly going to say âforget itâ and get up and go. Instead you steadied yourself âThere is something very important you need to be aware of. Itâs something I realized only two weeks after you left me andâŠâ you didnât like how bitter the words left me felt coming off your tongue. You had no reason to harbor any concern over the standing of your relationship, it was evident that neither of you considered yourself broken up from the other. âGo on, Iâm listening.â He encouraged you, faced settling into a look of concern because he wasnât sure where you were taking this. âSuguru, I wish I could have told you sooner.â You let go of his hands, smiling he held them a little tighter.Â
âIâm just standing up, Sugu.â You reassured him, heart fluttering as he gave you a sheepish smile. Suguru lets you go, watching you struggle to stand for only a second before leaping in to help you up. âDid you get hurt trying to come here?â he questioned, something so concerned and innocent that it almost made you laugh. He truly had no idea, you had to pat yourself on the back you supposed. Your disguise had worked out well enough in that sense. âNo, no nothing like that, Sugu.â You smiled as you straightened, watching him take a tentative step backwards. âI really wish I could have told you sooner, but itâs better late than never.â Your fingers shook as you reached for the zipper of your oversized hoodie, dragging the cool metal down and shouldering the material off as your pregnant belly was revealed to Suguruâs eyes.Â
You watched his face morph from concern to shock. âIâm almost twenty five weeks along, Sugu.â You let the hoodie fall to the floor, leaving you in a long sleeve shirt that was clinging to the swell of your stomach. âYou may have left, but you didnât really leave me alone.â You pulled your eyes away from his face to look down at your bump, hands lovingly caressing it. âI donât know their gender, I didnât want to find out unless you were with me.â You didnât mind his silence, you knew it was likely a very overwhelming piece of information to learn. Suguru didnât have the ability to speak anymore, instead he opted to close the distance between the two of you. With hesitant curiosity, Suguruâs large warm hands came down to cup your stomach.Â
âYouâre pregnant.â He uttered the obvious, as if trying to confirm he wasnât dreaming. âYouâre pregnant with my baby.â He said again, this time his tone was a little more possessive. You nodded, hands coming down to lay on top of where his hands sat. âBeen carrying our baby this whole time, Sugu.â You heard him hum in acknowledgment, eyes full of wonder as your baby kicked. âTheyâre happy to finally hear their daddyâs voice.â You whispered, looking up at him through your lashes as he met your gaze. âI love you, with my whole being I love you.â you could hear it in his voice, nothing put pure love and adoration for you and your unborn child. âIâm so sorry you had to find out after I leftâŠâ He added softly, heart aching at the very thought.Â
âI had Satoru and Shoko⊠they didnât really make up for you not being present, Suguru. But they tried their damn hardest and Iâll forever be grateful for that.â He nodded, thumb gingerly brushing the skin below his hand. âDo they know youâre here?â He questioned you, eyes falling back to your stomach. It was almost too surreal to believe. Not only were you in front of him again, but you were very pregnant with his baby. âI left them letters. They have no idea Iâm gone and they likely wonât know for a few more hours. I donât have any intentions of going back.â You let the words hang in the air, you were certain Suguru wouldn't expect you to turn around and leave once this night was through. That didnât stop the butterflies swirling in your chest out of anxiety anyways. âI have no intention of letting you go.âÂ
You couldnât think in that moment, body pushing up on your tiptoes as if no time had passed at all. Your stomach hindered you a bit, pressing snuggly to Suguruâs front as your hands cupped his cheeks. Suguru caught on, of course, bending down and guiding you to him as your lips met in a soft kiss. You felt it then, the same tears burning your eyes as they shut tightly. Melting into Suguruâs lips felt like home, slowly piecing back the pieces he shattered to make you feel whole again. You could tell he wanted to deepen it, devour you whole in that moment so youâd never go. Instead, he pulled away with flushed cheeks that mirrored your own, pupils blown wide as he observed you. âI love you.â He repeated, looking at your lips as you replied backÂ
âI love you too.âÂ
Suguru kissed you again, cupping your face just as you cupped his, holding you in place and bending down further so you didnât have to strain so hard to meet him. The tears you had tried to whole back were flowing freely at this point, mixing with the kiss as it turned slightly sloppy. It took you only a minute to pull away again, eyes wet as you gasped for air. âS-sorry the pregnancy hormones theyââ but Suguru hushed you, using his thumb to wipe away the tears as they fell. âYou have nothing to apologize for, my sweet girl.â He kissed your forehead, pulling back as he guided you away from the edge of the platform and closer to the barren altar behind him. âThere are not enough words in the universe for me to convey how sorry I am for everything Iâve put you through. Iâve said it already, but so long as I am alive, so long as you are willing, I will do everything in my power to make it up to you.âÂ
âKeep me by your side, Suguru. That is all I ask of you.â You sniffled, tears flowing even faster as you restated your earlier request. Tenderly, Suguru brought your knuckles to his lips and kissed each one softly. âI will do more than that, my love. You will never have to work another day in your life, you will know nothing but love and comfort.â He promised as he flipped your hand over and placed a kiss on the center of your palm. âYou, me, Nanako, Mimiko, our baby⊠our future babies.â He added with a small grin, causing you to laugh softly through your tears. âThe five of us, and whoever else may join us in the future. I will keep you safe, happy, loved.â He promised as he kissed your wrist, feeling your pulse race under his lips.Â
You nodded, using your free hands to wipe your face as Suguruâs lips trailed further. You felt a shiver pass through your body as Suguruâs lips made their way up your arm. âIâve missed you.â he repeated, tone huskier than before as he placed a kiss on your bicep. âSo many nights aloneâŠâ he placed another kiss but this time it was on your shoulder. âIâve been dreaming of youâŠâ This time his head was dipping to nuzzle into the crook of your neck, inhaling the smell of you and groaning. âI missed you.â he murmured again, lips pressing to the pulse point in your neck as he let himself get wrapped in the scent of you. The scent he had missed so desperately. You felt it then, something you hadnât felt in months. The bubbling heat pools in your gut, spreading throughout your body as Suguruâs tongue licks up your neck. Arousal.Â
âS-Suguru pleaseâŠâ Your hand found its way into his hair, holding him in place as both of his hands wrapped around your waist. âPlease what?â he murmured, teeth scraping your neck as he moved his head up towards your jaw. âPlease⊠make me yours again.â He groaned, so low you could feel it vibrate against your jaw as he kissed it slowly. There was a tremor in his hands as he held you tighter, pulling you closer until the swell of your stomach was pressing tightly to his. âYouâve always been mine, my beautiful girl.â He promised you as he moved to kiss your lips again, the kiss was gentle but sloppy, your fingers twitching as you buried them in the fine silks of his robes. You gave in, body melting into his familiar touch as you let his tongue slip past your lips letting him dominate it, just as you always had.Â
The feeling of his tongue sliding against your own drew whines from your lips, clinging on to Suguru just a little tighter as he began to guide you. The steps were awkward, drawing a breathy laugh from Suguru as he pulled away from you. âThis will be a lot easier.â He assured you before bending down a bit to haul you up into his arms. You couldnât help but squeal, surprised he was able to pick you up so easily even with the extra weight of your baby. âSuguru!â You cling to him, curious about his intentions as he moves to sit you on top of the bare altar. âIsnât this a bitâŠâ but he shook his head âdonât worry about it.â He placed you on top of the smooth wooden altar with a grin, making it so you were equal height now.Â
âItâs a special Christmas offering.âÂ
He offered you as your brows were still creased in concern. âSuguru!â You squealed after, face feeling hot as his hands landed on your thighs, squeezing the flesh and making you shiver as his lips found yours yet again. âIâm taking my time with you.â He muttered between quick kisses, lips shiny with your saliva as your breath mingled. âI wouldnât want it any other way.â You encouraged him, heart doing backflips at the idea of Suguru having his way with you again. You knew you missed him, of course you knew that, but sex hadnât even been on your mind lately. Now, in this moment, you realized how badly you ached to be touched again, loved again.
Suguru left out a breathy moan, head falling forward for a moment before looking up to hold your gaze. âHave I mentioned just how badly Iâve missed you?â he teased, watching your lips quirk up as you tried to wiggle closer to him from where you sat on the altar. âI think you may have mentioned it once or twice so farâŠâ You grinned, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer since you werenât getting anywhere fast. âBut that's enough with the talking, Sugu.â You moved so your lips were ghosting his ear, whispering seductively âShow me how badly you missed me.â He shivered, only fueling your desire as you got a little more bold. âShow me how badly you missed my body.â Suguruâs knees nearly buckled, you were too good to be true.Â
Suguru took your request to heart, not wasting another moment by talking. His fingers easily found the hem of your shirt, pulling it up and over your head with your assistance. He couldn't help it, taking a small step back just so he could admire how you looked with your stomach swollen, carrying his baby so prettily. You felt your heart beating, chest rising and falling just a little faster than usual as the anticipation in your gut built. The warm amber of his eyes seemed to be swallowed whole by his dilated pupils, throat feeling dry as his eyes trailed up to your breasts. âThese swelled up, didnât they?â He asked in a teasing tone, mouth watering at the sight of your engorged breasts spilling over the top of your bra. âS-suguru.âÂ
âWell, they have, pretty girl. Theyâll be full of milk soon enough, to nurture our little baby.â You couldnât breathe, the overwhelming need for him to touch you nearly dizzying. âTheyâve been so sore.â You offer quietly, looking at him through your lashes just to see his lips part. He seemed utterly entranced, warm hands sneaking around the back of you to find the clip of your bra. âWell, we canât have that now, can we? Let me make them feel better, my love.â You nodded, feeling no shame or embarrassment as your bare breasts were exposed to his hungry gaze. Suguru had seen you naked so many times over the course of your relationship. Even with the rather extreme changes your body was going through, you still felt gorgeous when he looked at you the way he was now. âSo pretty⊠they look so heavy⊠let me.â He breathed out carefully.Â
You could feel the air getting caught in your lungs as Suguruâs hands gingerly cupped both of your breasts. The noise you made couldnât be helped, lips wobbling as you whimpered at the sensation. âOh? Are they more sensitive?â Suguru teased you, shamelessly fondling your breasts just to see you squirm. You nodded, one hand gripping the edge of the altar to balance you while your other hand shot up to grab his wrist. âPlease, Sugu, they're really sensitive.â You whined, heat throbbing between your legs as he moved to pinch your nipple. âEven more sensitive than before?â He murmured, eyes focused only on your face as he rolled one of your perked buds slowly. âY-Yes!â your back arched, forcing your bump to press into Suguru. âThatâs good to know, pretty girl.â He squeezed just a little harder, smirking as you cried out.Â
âSo mean to meâŠâ you wailed, as if nothing had changed at all. Suguru hushed you with a kiss, lips slotting against yours sloppily as he toyed with your breasts. You felt dizzy, completely intoxicated by the feeling of Suguruâs hands on you. You wanted him bad, needing to feel his skin rather than his robes. âSuguruâŠâ you pulled away, trying to catch your breath as you uttered âTake your clothes off, please I donât want to prolong this part.â He could take as much time with you as he wanted, but you were certain you would lose your mind if you didnât see and feel his skin. âWhatever my lady wants, my lady gets.â He kissed you again before backing away. You sat on top of the altar, watching intently as Suguru undid the mildly-intricate layers to his robes.Â
âCâmereâ you murmured as Suguru was left in nothing but a pair of flowing navy colored pants. The material matched the robes, hugging his waist tightly and accentuating how broad he was. You hadnât forgotten how he looked, but the last time you saw Suguru in person, he had thinned. Now, he was broad, covered in muscles, tanned even in the winter. It was the Suguru you had known before the world had changed his views. He walked towards you, a sense of pride in his steps as he displayed his new physique to you. âMy handsome boy.â You murmured again, hands making contact with his soft skin and feeling him release a shuddering breath in response.Â
Your touch never got old, every single time it felt like it was the first time you were laying your hands on him. You were mindful of where you put your hands, letting them dance across the plains of his chest before moving to his biceps. Suguru watched your hands move with baited breath, goosebumps erupting in their wake as your fingers moved lower. He couldnât suppress the shiver that passed through him as your hands left his arms and moved to run along his sides. You were always so unpredictable with your actions, maybe that was why you were so elusive to just about everyone you met. Even when he thought he knew you like the back of his hand, you still managed to catch him by surprise. He could never get enough of it.Â
Your hands rested on his waist for a moment, leaning forward to the best of your abilities to place a chaste kiss on his chest. One kiss led to two, then three. Before he could even utter a word, you were littering his chest and neck in soft, sweet kisses. There was no hiding his arousal, even in the loose fitting pants of his daily attire, Suguruâs cock was straining heavily against his briefs. âY/NâŠâ it sounded awfully similar to a plea, making his cheeks flush pink at the sound. You looked up at him, placing one last kiss on his sternum before moving back. Your hands left his waist, but not before trailing all the way up his sides and slowly sneaking around his neck. âSuguru.â you finally stated once you were pleased with your actions.Â
âItâs my job to please you, you know. I donât deserve any of this.â but you shook your head, hushing him softly. âSuguru, I love you with every fiber of my being. I have missed you for the nearly five months you have been away from me. I am going to shower you in the love I have been holding onto for all this time. Donât you dare let your guilt taint the way you feel about me giving you my love.â You could tell he was struggling, after a moment of silence he nodded. It was a reluctant nod at that, but you knew it would take time for Suguru to overcome the weight of his guilt for leaving you in the first place. That was a battle for another day.Â
What mattered was this moment. âKiss me, please.â His request was so gentle, you couldnât say no to him if you wanted to. Arms still wrapped around his neck, you pulled him to you and crashed your lips together once more in a heated kiss. Your body seemed to thrum with desire, every nerve ending sparking with electricity as the anticipation of what was to come built. You craved him like you craved air, so much so that if you were ever to go without him again you were certain you would not survive. Suguruâs hands lost their heistance once more, dull nails dragging up your back and causing you to arch into him.Â
You couldnât pull away, not when one of his hands found their home on the back of your neck. He kept you in place while his other hand snuck around from your back and found its way to your breasts once more. Your lips part easily, a cry ripping from your throat as Suguruâs fingers pinch one of your sensitive buds. He took the opportunity before him once more, tongue dancing around yours as he pulled and massaged the tender flesh of your swollen breasts. You squirmed on top of the altar, feeling your arousal clinging to your underwear as you moved. It only caused you to feel hotter, the deep rooted desire to feel him inside of you once more was becoming too much for you to bear in that moment.Â
Your legs spread to accommodate him better, scooting yourself forward so your covered sex was pressing to Suguruâs abdomen. He could feel the heat radiating through your bottoms, making his head spin with the desire to feel your cunt once more. âFuck I missed you.â He nearly hissed as he pulled away from you with spit covered lips, swollen from where your teeth had been pulling at them. âShow me how bad.â You slurred, eyes lidded as you tried pulling him back to you. Suguru doesnât hesitate anymore, letting you bend him to your whim. His lips find their home on yours once again, teeth and tongue clashing together as your hands wander his body.Â
Suguruâs teeth are sinking into your bottom lip, pulling at the pliant flesh and trying his hardest not to smirk as you whimper at the sting. His hands are mimicking your own, gliding over every ounce of bare skin he can reach, dull nails scraping until he feels you erupt in goosebumps. He pulls away again, leaving your head spinning from the constant changing contact. Before you can even open your mouth and complain, Suguruâs head is burying itself in your neck. He knew your weak points like the back of his hand, teeth scraping against the column of your neck before finding the perfect point to bite down. A shrill moan left your lips, no longer muffled by Suguruâs lips on your own. His canines were creating the perfect amount of pressure, sending your heart into a frenzy as if you were preparing for him to pierce your skin.
Suguru eased up a moment later, his hand slipping down between your bodies to press his fingers against your covered cunt. The sensation sends sparks of arousal through you, making your thighs twitch as he lapped greedily at the teeth indents he left behind. âMineâŠâ he gasped between licks âall mine.â Your mind blanked the moment his fingers found their way to your nipple again, twisting and pinching the sensitive bud until you felt tears burning your eyes. âSugu, please!â You tried to jerk away, fingers threading in his silky locks as you tried to create some sort of relief for yourself. Everything was too sensitive, the ache forming so deeply within your body that you were certain you would lose your mind before he made you cum.Â
âPlease what?â He rasped, sucking at your skin until it bruised. âFuck me.â You begged, tears pricking your pretty eyes and driving him absolutely wild. âFuck you?â Suguru smirked, tugging your nipple until those pretty eyes shed the tears you were holding back. âFuck me⊠oh fuck please, Suguru.â Your tone turned whiny, higher than usual as desperation won over your pride. Youâd get off this altar and beg him on your hands and knees if you had to. Even if it would be a bit of a struggle with your rather round stomach. âHow am I supposed to say no to that?â he soothed you, hands abandoning your breasts to cup your cheeks. He kissed you again, this time it was softer, with the intent to take his time even if it killed you.Â
You felt drunk, chasing his lips even as he pulled away. Shakily, Suguruâs hands moved down your body, holding your hips as his head lowered to trail wet kisses down your neck. You caught on to his intentions as he moved lower, kissing your collarbone before moving to your chest. Suguruâs tongue ran along your sternum, pulling a whimper from you as he placed not one but two loving kisses on your sensitive breasts. âYouâre so perfect.â He smiled up at you, lips hovering over the swell of your stomach. âSuch a good mama already.â So gentle it nearly made you cry, that sadistic side of him fading quickly with the overwhelming desire to please you took over his original intentions. Months apart didnât allow for him to tease you in the way he once did. Not now at least.Â
âSo beautiful.â He added one last time before kissing your stomach. He showered your pregnant tummy in kisses, nose nuzzling you softly as your babyâs fluttering kicks reached him. You felt your face burning up as Suguru moved lower, as if he hadnât been all over you for the last few years of your life. âI missed this cuntâŠâ he mewled softly as he lowered to his knees before you. âDreamt of it every time I got lonelyâŠâ he huffed out a laugh âwhich was very often.â His fingers were hooking into the waistband of your pants, eyes meeting yours as if to confirm one last time that this is what you wanted. You nodded, lips parted as quiet gasps shook you. âTake me, Suguru. Iâm all yours, always have been.â His eyes fluttered closed, inhaling deeply to try and ground himself before he lost all self restraint he had. âWhatever you want, youâll get.âÂ
You lift yourself awkwardly, giving Suguru enough room to pull your pants and underwear off in one easy swoop. You grimaced slightly as your bare skin met the smooth wood of the altar, it still felt rather wrong, but now wasnât really a time to be questioning your morals. Suguru was shameless as he admired what he had been missing so dearly, not even his wildest fantasies could compare to you. âFuck.â So soft you barely heard it, but still enough to have your thighs twitching as you spread them further for him. Your hands met the smooth wood behind you, leaning back to get comfortable and push most of your weight on your hands and arms so Suguru could access you better. âMay I?â His breath was hot on your inner thigh, nearly panting. âOf course you may, is that even a question, Suguru?âÂ
âI guess itâs not, but I just want to make sure.â He didnât give you a moment to respond, lips pressing to the plush of your inner thigh and sucking softly. You felt your lips tremble, eyes nearly tunneling as you focused on the top of his head over your baby bump. Suguru sucked bruises into your skin, inhaling your natural musk as he did so. One hand rested on your thigh, thumb brushing the skin beneath him tenderly as his other hand sank lower. Suguru groaned, vibrating your skin as his own hand brushed over his covered cock. Your heart was beating erratically, waiting not-so patiently for Suguru to do what he really wanted. Which was to devour you whole, but still, ever the patient man, he was taking his time. âSuguruâŠâ you breathed out, hips moving forward just a bit to silently encourage him to cut the teasing.Â
He didnât answer you, nose trailing along your inner thigh as he palmed himself through his pants. He was savoring every second of you being before him again, so much so that he couldnât help but take his sweet time with this part. Though, his self control could only be stretched so far before he, too, couldnât take it. Your hands nearly balled into fists as he retracted, a moment later his warm breath was fanning over your glistening cunt. âThank you for this blessing.â He offered slowly, dragging each syllable out until you felt its message vibrating the base of your skull. Finally, after what felt like an eternity of torture, Suguru placed an open mouth kiss on your slick folds. One kiss led to two, three, four, then his tongue was slipping between and running along your slit. You moaned, loud and unashamed as Suguru collected your juices on his tongue.Â
One hand was still groping himself, alleviating some of the ache but not nearly enough to satisfy him. His other hand was now squeezing your thigh rather than gingerly rubbing it. He had missed your taste, fuck had he missed your taste over these months apart. Your arousal was sticky, its flavor unique and utterly addicting. He could do this for hours if it meant tasting every drop of your cum. Your head was falling back, your thighs no longer twitching and tense. Rather, they fell apart with no resistance, leaving your cunt completely at his mercy. Suguruâs tongue was still gliding up and down your slit, stopping at your clit every few passes to flick at it, feeling your muscles jump under his ministrations before moving down towards your entrance. This was just another game of him teasing you until you were making a mess atop the altar without even coming.Â
âSuguruâŠâ you choked out, the arousal in your body thrumming with the need to be satisfied not tortured. Maybe he could hear that desperation in your tone, his nose bumping your pulsing clit as he pushed his tongue past your entrance. âOh fuck.â You mewled, eyes nearly rolling back from the pure sensitivity. You hadnât realized how reactive pregnancy would make you. Even the slightest of touches had your toes curling. It had always felt good, Suguruâs tongue had always managed to work unspeakable wonders on you. But now? It felt as if everything had been amplified, your lips trembling as the faintest signs of your impending orgasm began creeping up on you. Suguru was mindful of his position, using his nose to his advantage as he began to tongue fuck your cunt. âP-please⊠oh fuckâŠâ your arms were feeling weak, causing you to adjust you your elbows in order to not fall flat.Â
Suguruâs tongue buried as deep as he could manage, using his nose to nuzzle your clit until your pants had turned to rapid gasps. If he wasnât so preoccupied, heâd tease you for how sensitive you had become. It seemed every little action he made was causing your hips to jerk, a shrill cry leaving your pretty lips as he toyed with your cunt. Feeling you twitching beneath him, Suguru pulled his tongue away from your entrance to focus on your clit. His nose could only do so much, after all. You couldnât take it, the dizzying feeling of Suguruâs lips wrapping around your aching clit and sucking so harshly your back arched. Pleasure shot straight through you, making your thighs tense as you clenched around nothing. He was going to make you cum in record time at this rate. That realization had you burning up, eyes squeezing shut as you tried not to scream his name for the whole temple to hear.Â
Though that didnât really help you much, loud and unrestrainable cries left your lips amidst a jumble of pleas. Suguruâs name was intertwined into every profanity, begging him to let you cum. Suguruâs hand left your thigh, instead shooting up to dip two fingers between your drenched folds. You sucked him in greedily, your cries only turning shriller as he began roughly massaging your walls. Tears leaked down your cheeks in fat globs as you clenched around him, causing his fingers to stutter their pace in the process. Not that you noticed, your vision was already spotting with stars as your orgasm grew nearer. âS-Suguru fuck⊠Iâm gonna cum⊠youâre gonna make me cum Sugu⊠please⊠fuck please let me.â You were drunk off of your own lust, eyes lidded as you pleaded with him in nearly incomprehensible babbles.Â
He responded by curling his fingers, digging into your walls just right. His tongue was still flicking over your clit, the varying sensations were making your head spin. âSugu pleaseâŠâ You cried again, walls clamping around his digits so tightly he struggled to thrust them at all. He moved even faster, how that was possible you didnât know, but stars were sparkling across your vision as you came hard. That didnât cause him to slow down, actually it was quite the opposite. Suguru continued to fuck his fingers into you at a rapid pace, moaning wantonly as your slick squelches only turned louder in volume. Your orgasm had reached its peak but it wasnât slowing, your wails turning into silent gasps as Suguru began to overstimulate you. It wasnât until he finally pulled his lips away from your cunt that your body relaxed.Â
âGood girl⊠such a good girl.â Suguru murmured, eyes memorizing the sight of two of his fingers disappearing inside of your glistening cunt. You couldnât form a coherent sentence if you wanted to at that moment, arms feeling shaky as you tried to keep yourself propped up. Suguru caught on after another few seconds, pushing up from his kneeling position to stand before you again. You watched him stick the two digits in his mouth, sucking them clean before speaking again. âDonât tell me youâre already worn out, my love.â He smiled at you, chin and lips covered in your shiny cum. You shook your head slowly, despite clearly wanting to utter a weak âyesâ. Suguruâs arms wrapped around your waist, pulling you into a sitting position so he could kiss you properly. You let him do as he pleased, just like you always did, letting his lips sloppily cover yours so you could taste your own release. After a minute, he pulled away with reddened cheeks.Â
âFucking you⊠itâŠâ he stuttered a bit, suddenly turning shy as he tried to figure out how to word his question. âIt wonât harm the baby⊠will it?â You felt your eyes widen, lips twitching into a smile as you shook your head. âSex while pregnant is actually very safe, Sugu.â You assured him, not at all ashamed in the research you had done on the matter only a few weeks back. âPositive? It wonât harm you or the baby?â He asked for your reassurance despite having his fingers buried in your cunt moments prior. Not that his fingers were anything in comparison to his cock. âIâm positive, no harm can be brought to me or the baby during the act⊠Youâll just have to be easier on me, Sugu⊠Iâve gotten a lot more sensitive.â You felt your cheeks heating up, regardless of everything youâd just gone through. âAlrightâŠâ he kissed you again, softer, before pulling away.
You watched him with lidded eyes, a ghost of a smile on your swollen lips as Suguru began undoing the waistband of his pants. You were focused on the way his veins seemed to jump out as he undid the buttons, the sight making your jaw clench. Inch by inch, tanned and toned skin was revealed to your hungry gaze. Suguru was trying to hide his excitement as his cock was freed from the confines of his pants. You whined at the sight, even your fantasies did nothing to compare to the real thing. For a moment you nearly groaned about how much you had missed him. You managed to hold it in, not willing to subject yourself to his endless teasing, at least not right now. Right now, what you wanted was âPlease⊠youâre taking way too long, Suguru. I want you so badâŠâ You were repositioning yourself the way you had been when he went down on you, this time forcing your legs up to rest your feet on the edge of the altar.Â
A position that you typically didnât have to think much about was now causing you some difficulty, but you could push that aside if it meant heâd move a little faster. Suguru stepped out of his bottoms and discarded them off to the side with the rest of your crumbled up clothes. âOld habits die hard, you know. I canât help but draw things out, my pretty girl.â He closed the distance again, hands resting on your knees and unintentionally alleviating the pressure with his support. âI know, but I want you so bad⊠I want you inside of me, Sugu.â He was twitching, precum leaking steadily from his irritated looking tip. âFuck⊠okay⊠okayâŠâ one hand left your knee to wrap around the base of his neglected cock. Carefully, he gave himself a few harsh tugs, groaning as mild relief flooded his veins. You wanted to grumble about how you couldnât see him over the swell of your stomach, especially since he knew how much you enjoyed watching him.Â
âMay I?â Suguru asked, eyes meeting yours but you tilted your head. âWords, Sugu⊠I canât exactly see down there right nowâŠâ You held in a giggle as his lips parted before closing again, rosy cheeks deepening as he realized his fatal mistake. âOh.â laughter was laced with those two words, causing you to smile back. âMay I use your cum as lube?â Suguru spoke slowly, smirking at you as your small smile turned into a look of surprise. âI-Oh⊠fuck.â You choked, the back of your hand pressing to your mouth for a moment before you squeaked out a âyeah.â Suguru moved a second later, guiding the dull head of his cock between your folds and spreading them. You breathed out, low and stuttering as his head passed over your still sensitive clit. He repeated the motions a few times, watching you jump as heâd get caught on your entrance before moving up again. Suguru only stopped once he couldnât tell what was covering him more, his own pre-cum or your arousal.Â
His fist began dragging up his length, spreading it until he felt it was good enough for your comfort. âLay back⊠if you can.â Suguruâs tone had turned soft, yet again giving you whiplash from the constantly revolving tones and emotions. You nodded, pushing yourself further up the wooden altar. You werenât quite sure what Suguru had in mind at that moment, watching you get yourself situated so your whole body was on top of the platform. You leaned back, resting your body weight on your elbows but stopping when you felt your body begin to strain. âKinda hurtsâŠâ you mumbled, cheeks feeling warm as you tried to find a comfortable position with your swollen belly. âI bet itâs too much pressure to be on your hands and knees, right?â His eyes had softened, admiring you with a small smile as he watched you nod. âWould it be easier if you had support under your back?â Your brows creased, contemplating for a moment before nodding.Â
âIt wouldnât hurt to try.â Again, you didnât quite know how Suguru was going to go about helping you with that. But he was walking away from you, over to his discarded silk robes, and you felt your face burning up with the realization as he began to fold them. âThese are soft, if I place them under your back it should offer you some comfort.â he grinned as he walked back towards you on the altar, the fine robes folded in a neat pile. âSugu⊠what if we get themâŠâ but he shook his head, helping you sit up again so he could place them behind you. âIf they get dirty, they can be cleaned. I have a few backups of these, you know.â You shook your head, fighting off your laugh as he motioned for you to try and lay back again. âHow is that?â Suguru watched you carefully as you tried to get comfortable. âIf it doesnât help, I can figure something else out.â You had to avert your gaze for a moment, eyes lingering on his leaking cock before meeting his eyes.
âI doubt youâll be able to think straight for much longer, Suguru.âÂ
His eyes widened, cheeks flushing red as he was rendered speechless by your comment. âThis feels fine, Suguru. Just get up here with me.â You were leaning back on your elbows again, this time to watch him climb up on top of the altar with you, opposed for comfort purposes. âShow me how much you missed me, Sugu.â He couldnât help himself any longer, moving to climb on top of you as you leaned back completely. It certainly wasnât the most comfortable position or location you had been fucked in, but it would do. Especially when he was right there in front of you again. Nothing else mattered but him. âFuck I love you.â he nearly choked as he pressed his lips to yours, hands bracing himself by flattening on either side of your head. Your legs fell open easily, allowing him to press up against you as you locked your ankles behind the small of his back. Your hands found their home on his biceps again, the warmth of your bodies pressing to one another was as dizzing as the kiss. âYou good?â he rasped as he pulled back.Â
âYeah, Iâm fine.â You assured him, knowing he was worried about putting any weight on you. âIâm a little sensitive but Iâm not fragile, Sugu.â You would say anything at this point if it meant heâd get inside of you quicker. âPlease just⊠tell me if something isnât right.â You could feel his hips grinding up against you, cock sliding along your cunt but not going further. âI will⊠fuck I promise I will but Suguru please⊠I need you inside⊠so badâŠâ you whined, losing sense of your own rationality again as he teased you unknowingly. âOkayâŠokayâŠâ desperation was lacing his own words, one hand moving down to wrap around his shaft and guide his cock to your entrance. âItâs been a while, Iâll try to go slow.â You grumble out some sort of response, too worked up to care as his head pushes between your folds. Suguru feels your breathing stutter as he slips in, your cunt stretching to accommodate him. It didnât hurt, but you could feel the pressure ebbing its way down to your thighs, inhaling deeply as you tried to relax.Â
Suguru was focused, leaning back a little bit so he could watch himself disappear inside of you. âAlmost half way, sweet girl.â you whined out an âokayâ,ïżœïżœ eyes looking past him to the ceiling of the temple above you before moving back down to the top of his head. It felt like you needed to keep making sure this was real, that he was really in front of you, nevermind inside. Your walls were suctioning to him, clenching involuntarily as he finally bottomed out after what felt like an eternity. âThere we go⊠oh fuckâŠâ your face was contorted in pleasure, watching Suguru fall apart from simply entering you was more than you could handle. âFuck I missed you⊠I almost forgot how good you feel⊠shit.â He couldnât move yet, even though his hips were restless. Suguru was certain if he moved, he would cum then and there. He wasnât even sure how he had managed to keep it together while entering you, cock twitching so harshly he was certain he would have blown his load half way in. âSuguruâŠâÂ
His name was one of the few words you could remember at that point, the most your brain was willing to offer as it melted into a puddle of mush. âIâm right here.â he cooed, leaning down again to press his lips to yours once, twice, three times before showering the rest of your face in chaste reassuring kisses. âYouâre doing so good for me, sweet girl. Taking me so well after so many months⊠youâre so perfect⊠so fucking perfect.â he breathed, forehead pressing against yours as his body contorted around the swell of your stomach. âJust tell me when I can move, okay?â he had gotten himself together somehow, now all he wanted was to hear you tell him it was okay. You nodded, inhaling deeply before uttering out âokay⊠you can move⊠just start slow.â Suguru let out a shuddering breath, kissing you one last time before he drew his hips back halfway.Â
Suguru had always relied on harsh, quick snaps of his hips for you, knowing you enjoyed things rather rough. The request to be easy, start slow, be gentle with you, it was a change of pace he hadn't been prepared for. You whined for him, finding pleasure even as he rolled his hips into you to try and find a pace that felt good for him. Your cunt hadnât changed, still warm and tight, squeezing him to the point it was nearly hard to move. âA-are you okay?â breathless âYouâre so tight⊠itâs not uncomfortable for you, right?â You nodded, face warming as you tried to find the right words. âI-iâm okay it feels really good⊠just⊠sensitiveâŠâ you moaned as he rolled a little deeper, brushing that one particular spot. You clenched, somehow growing even tighter and causing Suguru to groan loudly. âY-youâre doing so good, SuguruâŠâ His eyes opened, meeting your gaze to make sure you werenât just saying it to appease him.Â
âI mean it.â you added, lips falling open as another breathy whine left you. Suguruâs hips continued to roll into you at an agonizing pace, sending shivers straight down your spine as molten pleasure settled in your gut. âY-you can speed up when youâre ready tooâŠâ It was your not so subtle way of showing your impatience, earning a low chuckle from Suguru as he rolled his hips at a faster pace. Your whines only grew in pitch, words of encouragement falling from your lips as Suguru worked towards a pace where heâd be able to thrust into you without overwhelming you. âI missed this cunt so badâŠâ he choked out, eyes lidded and mouth hanging open partially as he let himself get lost in the embrace of your body. âSo fucking softâŠâ he coudlnât get over it, the way your velvety soft walls clung to his cock with each movement.Â
It wasnât until his hips began to snap into you, watching your breasts bounce with each connection of your hips that Suguru realized how close he was to coming.Â
âOh fuckâŠâ he choked, face heating up as his hips stuttered in their pace. âIs something wrong?â you nearly cried out, eyes welling from pleasure as you looked at him. âI-Shit.â he gasped, hips unable to stop their movement. âGonna⊠fuck Iâm gonna cum.â he got it out finally, head falling foreward because of embarrassment. He hadnât had this issue since the first time you two slept together, back then it was from pure inexperience. Now, it was because heâd gone too long without you. âO-ohâŠâ you gasped out, back arching near painfully as he passed over that one particular spongy spot again. â...sâokay if you cumâŠSugu⊠I donât mind⊠haâŠâ  You were close again yourself, pregnancy causing you to become more sensitive than you thought possible. You couldnât recall a time where you had cum without any other stimulation to pair with Suguru thrusting into you. âI-are you sureâŠâ his head lifted, face completely red as he tried to concentrate on not making an absolute fool of himself.Â
âJ-just because you come it doesnât mean you have to pull out.â you added weakly, accidentally clenching around him and causing you both to moan in unison. âG-give me your all, Suguru.â Your plea was enough to have him curling into you, head resting on your chest as his hips stuttered into your cunt. You couldnât decipher what he was saying as he came, the words sounding like nothing more than mumbled nonsense. It was only when your own breathing settled that you realized what he was saying. âThank you⊠thank you⊠thank youâŠâ Over and over, quiet praises, thanking you again and again. Shakily your hand came up to run through his sweaty hair, your other hand resting on his bicep. âIâve got youâŠâ you added softly as you felt wet tears littering your chest. How odd it felt to see a grown man fall apart in every sense of the word. Suguru relaxed on top of the altar, slowly pulling himself back together as he looked at you. âI love you.â he uttered with pure adoration in his eyes.Â
âI love you too.â You whispered back, hand slipping from his hair to his cheek, cupping it. âYouâre so pretty, Sugu.â you smiled as his eyes closed again, nuzzling into your palm. âSo are you⊠ya know.â he cleared his throat a bit, hips still buried deep. âIâmâŠâ he laughed a bit. âIâm still hard.â You laughed with him, a bit worn out already âI know, I can feel it.â Your hips wiggled, Suguru watched as your face contorted in pleasure as you pushed him further into that one particular spot that had you seeing stars. âYou still need to come, pretty girl.â he was regaining his composure with each passing second. âYouâve already made me come once.â But you knew he was having none of that, five months apart did not equate to one orgasm. âWe both need to get off still.â he corrected, watching that pretty smile take over your features as your hands moved to wrap around his neck. âAlright, if you still have the energyâŠâ You teased him softly, pulling him closer to ghost your lips across one another. âMake me yours, again and again.âÂ
âAlways.â he kissed you, softer than any kiss you had shared that night. Slowly he found his rhythm for a second time, hips drawing back and forth into your spent cunt. Everything was hotter, wetter, thanks to Suguruâs release. Every moan was swallowed by his lips, tongues dancing around each other as Suguruâs hand slipped down between your bodies. Even with your pregnant stomach, even with the position you were in, he still managed to sneak his fingers down to your clit, rubbing it harshly until you were nearly yelling. Your body reacted to every touch, your orgasm building again, this time much faster than before. âOh-oh fuckâŠâ you were babbling again, fingers clawing at Suguruâs arms as your cunt clenched tightly around him. Saliva was smeared across your swollen lips, Suguru broke the kiss just to hear your noises properly. âCome for me⊠fuck I know youâre close⊠come for meâŠâ Suguru pleaded with you, hips growing sloppy again from his own sensitivity. You let out another loud cry of his name before spilling all over him, cunt clenching tightly as a warm gush of your own arousal dripped down to the altar below you. That was enough for Suguru, a string of curses flooding his mouth.Â
Still sensitive from his first orgasm, Suguru seemed to feed off the aftershocks by spilling into you a second time. You both laid there for a moment, panting heavily in the large, echoing chambers that surrounded you. âMerry Christmas.â You offered weakly, a hint of laughter coating your words as Suguruâs head fell to your chest with a breathless laugh. âBest christmas gifts I could have ever received, ya know.â He looked up at you, cheeks still a bit flushed as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. âI know itâs still a lot to process⊠but youâve got a home with me if youâre willing to take it⊠I know I said I wouldnât let you go butâŠâ Still hesitant, you smiled softly at him, hand cupping his sweat cheek as you soothed his worries. âMy home is with you, Suguru. From now on, where you go, I go.â Suguruâs shoulders visibly sagged in relief, leaning down to kiss your forehead for a second time with his eyes closed.Â
âLetâs get cleaned up and go home then, my sweet girl.âÂ
Despite everything, you found yourself praying once more that this wasnât just a dream. âYeah, letâs go home.â You smiled as his eyes opened, watching him straighten and kneel before you. You felt him slip out, making you both groan before his hands were reaching to help you up. âWhat a messâŠâ you were quiet as you looked down at the ruined altar top. âIt needed to be replaced eventually.â Suguru reassured you, getting down off of the polished wood and assisting you to the best of his abilities. âDo you think you can walk?â you felt your brows creasing at his question, wondering if your legs would be able to support you and your baby if you were to get off of this altar. âI⊠guess weâll find out.â But Suguruâs arms were on you in a second, supporting you almost entirely as he helped you get down to the floor. You had to admit your legs did feel jello, shaky and weak as you tried to stand without support. âThat wonât do.â Suguru chided, more so mad at himself for not taking it easy on his pregnant girlfriend.Â
âItâs okay, just help me get dressed so we can get out of here⊠I need a shower.â Suguruâs release was starting to drip down your thighs, warming your face as older memories entered your mind. âYes maâam.â He grabbed your things one at a time, helping you get your bra on, then your shirt. Next he got his own robes on so he could leave the room to get you a washcloth for the mess he made between your thighs. He returned a minute later with a warm, wet cloth in one hand and a fresh dry one in the other. âMy stuff is at a hotel, Suguru. Weâll need to get it before heading home.â While you could survive on Suguruâs clothes for a day or two, you desperately craved the silky maternity pajamas you had bought yourself a while back. âAlright, Iâll have the driver called to pick us up. Heâll bring us to that hotel and Iâll retrieve your things. Then weâll head home. Nanako and Mimiko are going to be so ecstatic to meet you, sweet girl.âÂ
Your heart skipped a beat at the thought, the two little girls Suguru had taken in would be waiting for their honorary father to return home. But what about you? âAre you sure? They know I exist?â you questioned as you spread your legs, letting Suguru gingerly clean up the remnants of his release and your own. âIâve told them all about you, they refer to you as Mama Y/N.â Mama. You blinked, maybe it was the pregnancy hormones making you sensitive, but that brought tears to your eyes. Suguru had never once spoken badly of you in your time apart, going as far as to speak about you so lovingly to these two little girls that they referred to you as mama without even meeting you. There was still so much that needed to be sorted out, so many emotions to pick apart, but for now it was christmas eve. Those things could wait for a day or two, for now all you needed to focus on was you, Suguru, and your baby growing within you.Â
December 24th, 2007 [Somewhere around 6:30pm]
âCheer up, Satoru. Itâs christmas eve and youâre moping around.â Shoko pressed his arm, watching his unfocused eyes snap back into reality just to see her. âWhat?â She sighed, shaking her head as she moved to lean against the wall Satoru had planted himself against. âI feel bad that she isnât here, too, Satoru. But she said she wasnât feeling goodâŠâ But Satoru shook his head, pushing himself off the wall for the first time that evening. âSheâs withdrawing from us, she has been for the last few weeks⊠ever sinceâŠâ But he couldnât say it, for some reason he found himself choking up trying to utter Suguru's name. âEver since she saw him, I know.â Saying his name wasnât exactly smart given the people in the room with them. âSheâs just⊠sheâs alone on Christmas Eve, Shoko. Thatâs not fair⊠we should be with her or she should be with us.â He began shifting from foot to foot, for the first time that night he felt antsy enough to get off the wall he glued himself to and move. âI agree, Satoru, but she doesnât feel goodâŠâ
âI think she's full of shit, using it as an excuse.â he spat with more venom than necessary, not really directed at you but more so directed at himself. Shoko studied him for a moment, unsure of how to continue considering they were in a room full of close friends. Friends who all felt the absence of three particular people⊠Haibara, Suguru, and of course, you. It was a much quieter Christmas eve than previous years. So, reluctantly, Shoko pushed off the wall âLetâs get some air, Satoru. I think you could really use it.â Satoru met her gaze, lips parting before closing again and shoving his glasses further up the bridge of his nose. Without a word, he unpeeled himself from the wall and trailed after Shoko. The two had barely stepped foot into the cold air before Satoru was seething again. âSheâs distancing herself from us, Shoko, donât you realize that?â Shoko was pulling a cigarette and lighter out of her pocket, bringing the cylinder to her lips as she mumbled out âOf course I recognize that, Satoru.â for a moment he bit his tongue, the urge to scream at her for her casual nature was making him feel weak to his own emotions.Â
âThen what do we do? Weâre going to lose her if we donât figure this outâŠâ if he hasnât already. Satoru couldnât shake the pit in his stomach, the feeling that he had already lost you was weighing him down. He had let Suguru slip through his fingers, and now it seemed he was letting it happen all over again with you. âI have no idea, Satoru. I wonât lie, Iâm not as close with her as you are⊠I mean you guys just seem to have a much deeper bond than friendshipâŠâ Shoko corrected when Satoruâs head whipped in her direction. She loved you dearly, and she knew that you loved her right back. But she would be an idiot to deny the fact that you and Satoru seemed to have a bond much deeper than friendship. âI donât know what you meanââ Satoru choked, lips pressing into a thin line as he nervously pushed his glasses up again. âDonât lie, Satoru. You know exactly what I mean.â But Satoru was not going to openly admit to his feelings for you right then. âYou love her in a different way than me, Satoru. You have since our first year here.â But it seemed Shoko was more than willing to take the opportunity for him.Â
âNow isnât the timeâŠâ but he could feel his voice trembling as he spoke, head turning away from her to glance across the courtyard. âThen when is it time, Satoru?â Again, something he didnât have the answer for, something he probably would never have the answer for. âIâŠfuck I donât know okay? But right now definitely isnât the time.â He looked as if he wanted to jump out of his own skin, Shoko inhaled her smoke deeply before pulling the cig away and letting out in one breath. âGo to her, if you think that is whatâs right. But donât come back at me if she bites your head off for waking her.â Maybe Shoko had a little too much faith in your capabilities to remain strong. Satoru, on the other hand, felt like he was racing against a timer that may have already hit zero. âAlright.â Was all he could push out in that moment, feet moving before his mind could even process it. âBut we do need to have this conversation at some point, Satoru!â Shoko called but he was already halfway across the courtyard. âSome Christmas Eve this is.â She huffed, watching the smoke slip past her lips again as she let her head fall back.Â
If she could, she would run to you right now and hold you close. But things had grown so complicated, for some reason she couldnât find the strength to sit down and pull the information out of you. Deep down, even though she didnât want to admit it, she knew it was only a matter of time before you disappeared just as Suguru had. She couldnât say she blamed you, had she been in your shoes she would likely do the same. She knew how dear he was to you, how much love you held in your heart for him even after his deflection. Now you were carrying his child. Shoko could come to terms with the fact that her support and her presence was small in comparison to the support and love Suguru would shower on you and your unborn child. Satoru, however, could not swallow that pill and keep it down. He loved you, much more than a friend. Shoko has known that since your first year at Jujutsu Tech, as much as Satoru had been pining, Suguru had beat him to you⊠and inevitably won your heart. She knew it ate him alive to this very day.Â
â
Satoru couldnât figure out why his hands were trembling as they gripped the railing. Every step he took, every step that carried him up towards your dorm floor had his legs threatening to crumble. He couldnât shake the doom gripping at his heart, as if he somehow already knew that something was terribly wrong. Still, he pushed forward despite his heart threatening to break out of his ribcage and fling itself out the nearest window. It was quiet as he hit the landing, so quiet it felt empty, as if there was no human life inhabiting the floor. Satoruâs stomach was dropping with each step he took, forcing air into his lungs just to exhale slowly as he approached your dormâs door. His hand raised, knuckles rapping against the door. âY/N? You Awake?âÂ
No answer.Â
Satoruâs hand wrapped around the cool metal of the doorknob before twisting and pushing it open. âY/N?â he took a step inside, surprised to see your desk lamp on. It took Satoru another second to process that you werenât present in the room. He blinked slowly, eyes traveling over a room that now felt foreign to him. Inch by inch, he noticed that things were missing. Your room feels emptier than usual, and not just because of your absence. âShit.â He chokes, walking further into your dorm room to assure himself that he wasnât imagining it. Usually, heâd never invade your space in such a way but Satoru found himself ripping your closet door open and cursing louder when he realized a majority of the hangers were empty.Â
He couldnât see straight, not as he stumbled backwards and out of your room. Satoruâs legs carried him on autopilot, straight down the hall to Shokoâs empty dorm room. He pushed the door open, flicking on the lights and checking her bed to make sure you hadnât snuck in to it. As expected, it was empty. The door slammed so hard it rattled the frame, but Satoru couldnât even hear it, not over the roaring of blood in his ears as he stumbled down to his dorm room. He swung the door open so hard it hit the wall and ricocheted back at him, but he was already in the room and out of its path. His eyes were frantic, wide and unnerving as he looked at his empty bed⊠a note neatly sitting on his pillow, his name written in your scrawling font.Â
Bile burned Satoruâs throat, without even picking up the envelope he knew it was a goodbye.Â
The bile burning his throat wasnât going back down, panic ebbed through his veins as he turned on his heels and stumbled into the bathroom. Satoru puked the little contents he had left in his stomach, tears blurring his vision as he tossed his glasses onto the tile floor. It wasnât until he heaved a third time that his knees gave out on him, hitting the cold tile below him with a sickening thud. He couldnât see through the tears, a mix of broken sobs and curses falling from his lips as saliva filled his mouth and his stomach squeezed painfully tight. For a minute he thought it would be impossible to pull air into his lungs, maybe the universe would grace him with blacking out. Maybe when he woke up heâd realize this was all a bad dream.Â
But the universe wasnât that kind to Satoru, it probably never would be.
There, on the bathroom floor, the strongest sorcerer was reduced to a crying mess. All because of you, all because of his mistakes, all because of things he had let slip through his fingers. How childish could he be? To mess up so badly the first time that he failed Suguru. The eyes that were supposed to see everything had let his best friend fall with no one to catch him. Now, it was you, right before his very eyes he watched you slowly decay into a shell of your former self. But, again, he ignored the warning signs and you had slipped right through his grasp. He couldnât process anything else in that moment, fingers gripping the sides of the toilet as he heaved again.Â
Satoru wasnât sure how long he remained a crumpled heap on his bathroom floor, but eventually there was nothing else that could come out of him. In a daze, Satoru pulled himself off the ground, flushing the toiletâs contents, standing to grasp for the faucetâs knobs and pulling until cold water rushed from its opening. The cold water grounded him, forcing air into his too-tight lungs, one after another, until tears were flowing freely down his cheeks again. Was this a panic attack? Is that what it felt like? Like you were drowning on dry land? He wasnât sure, but he knew he needed to read whatever you left behind in that envelope.Â
He needed to have some idea on why you did this, even if he knew why you did this. He turned the water off, silence ringing in his ears as he dried his shaking hands and stumbled into his too cold bedroom. Satoru wiped his eyes, over and over and over until the tears stopped long enough for him to see clearly. Grabbing the envelope, he sat himself down at his desk, letting the lampâs golden glow illuminate the words he was too scared to read. He stared at it, blinking slowly as he looked over your handwriting. How did he let this happen, not once but twice? That anger from earlier was bubbling in his stomach again, threatening to reduce him to a scared child as he hurled anything left in his stomach. This time he swallowed it down.Â
The paper was cold in his hands as he ripped open your neatly put together work. Inside the envelope was one piece of paper. One piece of paper was all you needed to say goodbye. His heart clenched, lips forming into a scowl at the very thought. Maybe he had been a fool all this time, a fool to think he meant anything of significance to you. The urge to rip the single page nearly overtook him, not willing to let you explain yourself and just throw it away. You had thrown everything away, after all. What harm was him ripping up one, useless, pathetic letter?Â
He set it down before doing something that irrational, his mind going through a mix of emotions that he could only describe as grief. Mourning someone who wasnât dead all over again.Â
Satoru stared at the letter, heart squeezing so tightly in his chest as he spotted water marks. Water stains where your tears had smudged the ink slightly. Every ounce of anger in his body seemed to vanish the moment he saw them, something so small that delivered such a big message. He inhaled deeply, trying to find some sort of sanity to cling to before picking up the page and reading everything you had written for him. It was you after all, no matter how upset he got, heâd never be able to do any of the things he had contemplated only seconds prior. Shakily, he picked it up, holding it at an angle where he could easily read its contents.Â
Satoru,Â
I donât know where to start, so maybe itâs best if I donât even try. If I were to sit here as I am now, writing down every single thing I ever wanted to say to you Iâd run out of paper and time. So, although you deserve far better than this letter, I will try and keep it short and to the point.Â
You have done everything for me over these last five months, and there is nothing I can do that will ever amount to something worthy of returning the favor. I will forever be thankful for everything you have done for me. I would not have survived these last few months if it werenât for you, Toru.Â
I donât want you to blame yourself, because my choice is completely my own. There is nothing you could have done to change my mind. I think we both know that, whether you want to believe it or not. I canât imagine the pain Iâm causing you by doing this⊠Iâm not going to ask for your forgiveness because truly I donât deserve it and I donât expect it.Â
I cannot go about my pregnancy without Suguru knowing. This is something that is meant to be precious to me, cherishing every minute of my baby growing inside of me⊠but I havenât been able to enjoy it. My child deserves a happy mother and their father to be in their life. The only thing you are unable to provide for me, Satoru, is bringing Suguru back to our side.Â
I have no choice but to go, for the sake of myself and the sake of my baby, I need him to know.Â
This isnât how I wanted things to happen, you know. I donât think that needs to be said because of course I didnât intend on getting pregnant and Suguru losing his mind. I didnât intend on leaving you or Shoko. I didnât think Iâd ever have to say goodbye to you, Satoru. Nevermind having to say it through a shitty letter. God this is fucking stupid. You deserve so much more than a fucking letter.Â
Please, find your happiness, Satoru. I love you.Â
Your Y/N
Tears were burning his tired eyes, distorting your words as he tried to read it for a second time. Time seemed to stretch on forever in that one moment, leaving him to feel like a hollow shell of the person he once was. His heart was no longer within his chest, he was sure of it. Half of it had been taken by Suguru when he deflected. Now, the other half was long gone, tucked away in whatever belongings you had taken with you when you left. Nothing but a hole was left in its place, the broken halves of his heart were somewhere far away with the two people who meant more than anything to him. Maybe theyâd do him a favor and stitch the halves together again.Â
~ END OF PART 2 ~
Thank you so much for reading, I hope I didn't hurt you too much. As always, likes, comments, reblogs, and asks are always welcomed and greatly appreciated... till we meet again in part 3 :) - May đ©”
#jujutsu kaisen fanfic#jjk fanfic#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen angst#jjk smut#jjk angst#geto suguru smut#geto suguru imagines#geto suguru x reader#suguru geto#geto suguru#suguru geto x reader#geto x reader#suguru x reader#suguru x y/n#suguru x you#jujutsu kaisen imagine#satoru gojo#gojo satoru#shoko ieiri#geto smut#satoru#gojo#geto x you#geto x y/n#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsu kaisen scenarios#May's Pale Blueđ©”
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The Boys Preference: You Falling Asleep
A/N: Not requested! I just thought it would be a cute idea! Requests are still open. Be sure to read my rules in the pinned post :) Feedback is always appreciated đđđ
Butcher didn't want anyone visiting him in the hospital, but you weren't taking no for an answer. He'd been sleeping on and off, but when he work up again, you were asleep. Curled into a ball in one of the visitor chairs. You looked uncomfortable and cramped, but your expression was that of relief. For a little while you weren't worried about the state of the world or the future or his health. He knows you haven't been getting enough sleep. That didn't really matter when it felt like the world was ending every other day. When the nurses come in he makes sure to warn them. He couldn't be the cause of your fears and the one to wake you up. Someone brought a blanket and he gently placed it over you. He watched you, taking in this moment. You were finally relaxed. He knew you'd only done this because you were completely exhausted, you could barely keep your eyes open. It hurt him to know that he was a big reason why you couldn't eat or sleep or take care of yourself. He never meant to hurt you like this.
Hughie notices you can barely keep your eyes open. After that night at Tek Knights, you haven't been sleeping very well. You'd been so scared, so sure you were going to die with five new holes punctured into your body. You woke up from nightmares gasping for air, checking your skin for holes, afraid you were still in the sex dungeon. That you never got out. He's not sure how to talk to you about it and the guilt eats him alive. You and him are going through his files on Neuman when your head starts to fall only for you to startle awake. He insists you take a nap in his bed. You're reluctant, but you're so exhausted you eventually give in. He doesn't shut the door completely, wanting to be there if you have another nightmare. It's the least he can do.
Annie insists she'll stay awake for the both of you. The shape shifter captured you both. You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time. They ended up drugging the both of you. They switched between your two identities, tearing off their skin, taking your memories as well as your faces. Annie can see just how tired you are. Your skin is raw and you've run out of tears. She doesn't hold it against you. She fights against the chains quietly, hearing your breathing turn shallow. She would find a way out of this. She would get you out of this. You'd feel better after getting a good night's sleep. You weren't a Supe. You didn't have the abilities she had. And yet, she couldn't get them to work. She cursed herself for not protecting you, not saving you, not being a good enough Supe. She was grateful you weren't awake to see her fall apart like this.
M.M. does everything in his power not to wake you. You fell asleep on a surveillance mission in the van. You'd gotten so quiet, he felt like he was talking to himself. When he looked over, putting the binoculars down, you were curled in a ball in the passenger seat, fast asleep. He knows you haven't been sleeping well. If it's not the nightmares, it's the fear, the worrying. You recently admitted you'd kept a loaded gun where you could easily reach just in case. You were petrified something terrible would happen if you relaxed even a little, if you let your guard down. You needed this. He turns the engine off and puts his coat over you. He would've loved being able to talk about your heightened stress and anxiety, ways to cope, but this was a lot better. He hoped you'd feel safer, calmer after you woke up.
Frenchie freaks out a little internally. He thought you were dead. Your head was resting in your folded arms on your desk. Once he saw your body rise and fall with your breathing, he realized you weren't knocked out or dead. You were asleep. He thinks it's a little funny after getting over his initial panic. You've been working really hard lately. He wasn't sure how much sleep you were getting, if you were getting any at all. When the others walked in, bickering and laughing, he motions for them to be quiet. You needed this. Everyone whispers, going their separate ways. Frenchie turns down the lights, leaving a lamp on so that you're not totally in the dark. He wants you to rest as long as possible. You've been giving everything to this job, this cause, lately. You needed a lot more rest than this.
Kimiko knew you'd been having nightmares. It wasn't a secret. You confided in her one night that you haven't been sleeping well. Every time you close your eyes, you see Homelander. You feel his lasers slice through you until you're two halves. He's not just angry or upset, he's furious. You can't escape him. You two are hanging out when she notices you can't keep your eyes open. She tells you to lay down with your head on her lap. You laugh it off, but she's serious. She rubs circles between your shoulder blades, trying to ease you to sleep. When she notices your eyes are closed she doesn't stop. It brings her a lot of ease and relief knowing she can help you, at least a little. If you have another nightmare, if you face Homelander alone again, she'll be there when you wake up. She'll be there.
Bonus! Homelander either let's you sleep or orders you out of the room. If he likes you, he might warn the others to shut the fuck up. He'd move your meeting to another time and simply let you be. He might check on you every so often and when he sees you stirring he would gently wake you up, walk you to your room where you can sleep in a real bed instead of holding your head up in the board room. If he doesn't like you, he yells and berates and is this close to firing you before he realizes The Seven and Vought need you for your powers. You can apologize all you want, he won't listen. Either way you're completely embarrassed. You've just been so busy lately, it's been hard to fall asleep with everything going on.
#headcanon#preference#billy butcher#billy butcher x reader#hughie campbell#hughie campbell x reader#annie january#annie january x reader#mm#mm x reader#marvin milk#marvin milk x reader#frenchie#frenchie x reader#kimiko miyashiro#kimiko miyashiro x reader#homelander#homelander x reader#the boys#the boys x reader#the boys spoilers
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Can't You Be Mine- Part 3
This is the newest part of my Evan Buckley series, and I hope you will all like it. Let me know what you think.
Taglist: @justagirlthatlovedtoread @musicistheway @avada-kedavra-bitch-187 @luula @missdreamofendless @bradleybeachbabe @woderfulkawaii @amberpanda99 @daggersquadphantom @marvel-and-chicago-fan @angryknightstatesmantrash @minjix @lyje @kmc1989 @itsmytimetoodream @noonenuts @hiireadstuff @ashie-babie @classyunknownlover @jayyeahthatsme @sp1ritssz @dumb-fawkin-bitch @oliverstarksbae @gimatida @heart-35 @supernaturalstilinski @kyky9103 @wutheringhearts2275 @gay4hotmilfs @itshamleth @chaoticnosleepinfluencer @gs29 @wh0reforsmutstuff @mel-vaz @natashamea18 @chrisevansdaughter @alexandra848484 @deena-beena-weena @targaryenluvs @kpoplover-19 @marvelmenarebeautiful @gillybear17
@zoeybennett @mrspeacem1nusone @zephyrmonkey @estella-novella @eleventhdoctorsangel @kniselle @senjoritanana @shauna-carsley @dottierose @cfdhouse51 @darkfemme1 @rainechase45 @lolalolsstuff @jupiter1700 @ashdoctor @an-aliens-ghost @lunaroserites @houseoftwistedspirits @callsignwidow @winterreader-nowwriter @reneinii @bellsbomb @western-pyro @itsgigikay
Evan Buckley Masterlist
Part 1
Part 2
Summary: Now that Minnie has started referring to Evan as her dad, he has officially adopted her. And he turns up to protect and look after her and (Y/n) when they need him.
Enjoy.
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"So, I was thinkingâŠ"
Tilting her head to the side, (Y/n) let her eyes loll to the right to look across at Maddie. She knew that tone of voice. She knew whatever Maddie was going to say next was either going to be controversial or something big, possibly shocking.
She let herself sink further in her seat as she folded her arms over her chest, resting them down against her stomach that came up like a big bump in the road. Although sometimes, like now, her stomach acted like a cushion or an armrest.
(Y/n) had taken to seeing what she could rest on her bump when it started getting bigger, just to see Evan's reaction.
His words were usually something along the lines of 'Don't use it as a table!' or 'Stop resting your drink on them.' And if she tried to rest anything light on her stomach while she was walking around the house, he always responded with 'You know I'll carry that for you, right?' but she was only doing it to tease him.
"Oh yeah?" (Y/n) grinned and started to dance her fingertips across her bump.
"We need to throw you a baby shower."
"We do?" That wasn't what (Y/n) had been expecting to hear.
"Yes, we need to celebrate. Plus, I had Jee during covid, so we never got to celebrate one for her. I think it'd be nice, Buck's already desperate to throw one."
"Oh, I bet he is⊠I guess it will be fun." A tender smile danced across her lips as she looked down at her stomach as if she could see through to the baby. It would be nice to celebrate and have a little get together. Everything was going great now, (Y/n) and Evan had moved in together, he had adopted Minnie, they were having a baby together.
Other than the brief setback of the run in with Mick at the store, things were the best they had ever been for (Y/n). She had never been happier or more content and she felt that she had a family with Evan's team and Maddie had truly become a sister to her. It was lovely.
(Y/n) looked ahead at the road and tried to keep her eyes on the beach they were passing by.
She hadn't been out the house in two weeks.
When Evan went to work, (Y/n) felt too nervous to go out alone. She didn't want to run into Mick, he was out on bail and (Y/n) just knew that he would be hanging around this area in the hopes of running into her again. He loved terrorising her. He loved making her feel timid and frightened of her own shadow, it gave him power over her.
She couldn't go out on her own, what if she ran into him again? She wasn't going to be much use defending herself or the baby.
Staying home where she could lock all the doors and windows felt safer than trying to leave. Minnie had only just gone back to school this week and she was not enjoying it. She didn't want to be at school, she wanted to be at home with either (Y/n) or Evan or both of them. She wanted protection and she didn't feel safe at school.
It had taken Maddie almost an hour to convince (Y/n) to come out this afternoon with the girls.
It was a lovely warm day and Maddie said they could go to the beach or the arcades and do something with Minnie and Jee. Whether it was just going for a walk and an ice cream and then going home, at least being out for a drive would get them out the house and back to a sense of normality. And (Y/n) didn't feel able to decline.
"Did you have a shower for Minnie?" Maddie looked across at (Y/n), noticing the way she had shrunk down in her seat and was absentmindedly gliding her hand up and down her bump.
"No, my parents were happy I left Mick, but they thought it was a mistake to have Minnie on my own."
All of (Y/n)'s family had seen how Mick's temper would flare and they noticed the bad effect he had on her. Making (Y/n) feel belittled and constantly on edge, how she never got to spend much time with her family when he was around and how he tried to control what she did and who she talked to.
They were thrilled when (Y/n) managed to cut all ties with him and escape, but knowing she was having a baby on her own wasn't something her family thought she should do. They thought it would be too hard for (Y/n) and when she and Minnie moved out to LA, they worried she wouldn't fair well on her own looking after Minnie.
Things had gone a bit smoother between (Y/n) and her family when they saw how happy Minnie made (Y/n) and how well the pair of them were doing. And now that Evan was in the picture, (Y/n) felt more able to talk and be around her family without feeling judged or like they thought she couldn't cope.
"Well, we will throw a great shower and show them just how wrong they were."
"Do you think your parents would come?" (Y/n) didn't want to upset Maddie if talking about her parents wasn't something she wanted to do, but she was curious.
(Y/n) had heard Evan on the phone to his parents a few times- each time it had been him to call them, never the other way around. (Y/n) had yet to see them call him and ask how he was or what was going on in his life. She heard the way Evan sounded dull when he talked to his parents. He told them he was happy in a new relationship but he didn't seem like he was expecting much back from them or much of a reaction or a glowing praise.
She had also witnessed the conversation where Evan told them he had adopted Minnie.
His parents hadn't been upset, per say, but they sounded cautious, as if this was something Evan was doing on a whim rather than something he had thought and talked about extensively and knew in his heart it was something he wanted to do.
Evan had told them it was what he wanted, that he loved Minnie and if he was going to tell people she was his daughter, he needed to adopt her and make it real. He wanted to adopt Minnie so she was truly his daughter. It meant he could be an emergency contact for her and he could be on her doctor's file. He could be on her school file and he could pick her up from school early, take her to appointments or anywhere she needed.
It also meant he could give her his last name, something Minnie was now ecstatic with. She had been practising how to write Buckley and learning how to spell it and she had told her teacher as soon as her name was changed.
Both (Y/n) and Evan were hoping that in a few years when Minnie was older, these memories would be fuzzy for her. She wouldn't remember she used to have (Y/n)'s last name or that she hadn't had Evan in her life from the very beginning.
"I'm sure they will, I've told them how happy Buck is after the move and everything. I'll make sure they come over when we organise the shower." Maddie reached across and delicately ran her hand over (Y/n)'s bump for a few seconds.
She wouldn't stand for their parents not being there at the baby shower. This was another grandchild for them. Maddie had already made it clear how happy and complete Evan felt in this relationship and that in taking Minnie on, it meant the rest of them did too.
Minnie was referring to Maddie and Chimney as her aunt and uncle and Maddie had told her parents that Minnie would need to be treated as their grandchild along with Jee and the new baby. If they didn't, they wouldn't be having contact with the new baby because it wouldn't be fair to Minnie. This was the way things were going to be.
Tilting her head up, Maddie looked in the rear-view mirror to see the two girls sitting idly in the back. "Shall we go get an ice cream?"
Both of them grinned and squealed their replies, kicking their legs in their car seats. (Y/n) couldn't of been happier that Minnie seemed very happy when she was around Jee. She got along with her class mates, but she didn't exactly make friends very well, she liked to keep to herself and her teachers said it was hard to get her socialising.
But there was only 16 months difference between Minnie and Jee and they were getting along like a house on fire. (Y/n) wondered if it was because Jee was technically her cousin now and because they were family, maybe Minnie felt more at ease around her and more eager to play and get along.
Once Maddie pulled up, (Y/n) sat forward and clicked her spine into place which caused her to wince.
She could feel the baby wriggling and when she climbed out the car, it felt like her stomach was weighing her down to the floor. It was going to be a rough few months if she was six months along and was already starting to feel discomfort.
She opened the back door and smiled down at Minnie who had been singing along to the radio the whole drive. But now it was time to get out, she could see her daughter looked nervous.
She held the Fireman Sam teddy closer to her chest and tensed up when her belt was taken off. Evan had given her the teddy and she barely let it out of her sights. And Evan had been both surprised and delighted when he came home from work last week and found that Minnie had gotten a pink pen and drawn and splotchy birth mark onto the teddy to make it resemble him. It had also caused her to ask Evan why she didn't have a mark like that too.
"Is daddy coming?"
"No, baby he's at work today. We're having a girls day." (Y/n) lifted Minnie out of her seat and set her down.
The same as (Y/n), Minnie hadn't left the house the first week after the shopping incident. She didn't want to and they didn't want to rush her. She had gone back to school this week but she hated every moment of it and was relieved to be taken back home at the end of the day. This was the first time she was going out somewhere other than school, but she wanted Evan.
She knew he would keep them safe, just like he did when he bustled into the shop two weeks ago and took them home. He promised he would keep her safe and Minnie wanted her dad stood in front of her like a protective shield. She wanted to be wrapped up in his arms because no bad people would mess with him.
"Your daddy said he wanted pictures of you having fun, why don't we see if we can win him a teddy from the arcades after an ice cream?" Maddie locked the car and looked over at Minnie who seemed to relax at her words.
With her left hand tightly clasped in (Y/n)'s and her teddy pinned under her arm, Minnie reached her other hand out and held Jee's hand. Both to keep her cousin heading in the right direction and to make them both feel safe and secure. The four of them made their way to the promenade along the sea front where Maddie said they would find an ice cream shop.
Minnie leaned her head into (Y/n)'s hip and nuzzled into her side as they walked down the promenade. She didn't want to be here, she wanted to go back home or stay driving in the car where it was safe.
"I want daddy." She tilted her head back and looked up at (Y/n) with those big pupils that looked like black holes that could ensnare everything in their path.
She let go of (Y/n)'s hand in favour of moving her arm to her chest to hold the Fireman Sam teddy so she could nuzzle her face against the top of the soft cotton. She wanted to go home now.
"You can call him later and tell him how brave you've been going out to the beach today."
"He'll be extra proud of you." Maddie winked when she could see that her words clicked something inside of Minnie's mind. She might just try and stay out a bit longer if she thought she could make Evan proud, not that she would have to do much to do that in the first place. He would be proud she had left the house, but if she could tell him she had been all the way to the beach and out for a long walk, he would be very pleased.
She nodded, her expression a little more relaxed, but she still didn't look so satisfied or at ease. She kept her mouth and nose nuzzled into her teddy and started humming as they all walked in line down the path beside the sea front.
"Wait with aunt Maddie and Jee while I grab us all some ice cream." (Y/n) kissed the top of Minnie's head and gently ushered her to stand over with Maddie and Jee.
Minnie huddled up into Maddie's side while her beady eyes followed her mum who waited in line for the ice cream. She tucked her toy tighter into her chest and pressed her lips against it again while her feet began to tap against the floor.
When Maddie took a few steps back and sat down on a bench, Jee perched next to her, holding her own teddy in her hands and quietly chatting to it like it was an old friend. And Minnie gingerly looked up at Maddie before tapping her knee, silently asking if she could sit with her.
"Come here," Maddie murmured, lifting the little girl up to sit her down on her knee. She could tell it made Minnie feel better and more secure when she felt Maddie's arms cocoon around her middle. No one could try and grab her or hurt her if she was wrapped up like this. "What's this?"
She pointed at the teddy in Minnie's hands and perched her chin on her niece's shoulder.
"It's daddy," She held the teddy out so Maddie could see her craftwork and the blobbed red ink above the right eye that resembled Evan's birthmark rather well. "Are you older than him?"
The question caught Maddie by surprise and she raised a brow, fighting off a smile as she swayed them from side to side.
"I am, I used to look after your dad when he was little."
"He said I'll be a big sister, like you⊠but why is daddy taller than you if he's littler?" Minnie liked the thought of being like Maddie, when Evan explained that Maddie was his big sister and she was very important in his life. He said she would be the same to the new baby.
Although Evan would never let history repeat itself where Minnie would have to love and raise her sibling, he didn't want that for anyone, especially not his own kids. As much as Evan loved Maddie for raising him, she shouldn't of had to and she had been the best part of his childhood, but that must have also been the worst part of hers. Forced to grow up, forced to raise him like he was hers rather than her brother.
"He's always been tall, you can't control your height." She watched as Minnie snuggled back into her chest and shifted down a little while her eyes focused on her teddy that was squashed against her chest.
When (Y/n) came back over and sat down next to her, Maddie grinned as Jee shuffled into her side to reach out for an ice cream. Both (Y/n) and Minnie seemed to be a bit calmer than this morning when they decided to come out here.
She knew Evan hadn't been happy when he spoke to her the other day. He was angry that Mark had the nerve to try and hurt (Y/n) in broad daylight, especially when Minnie had been there. (Y/n) had been doing so well going out on her own and feeling more confident in herself, and no Mark had gone and set her progress back miles and Evan just wanted to pummel him for it.
But for now, they would all be okay, and they would have a fun afternoon together.
***
Reaching down, (Y/n) kindly took the Fireman Sam teddy held out to her and she stuffed it in her bag hanging on her shoulder. Minnie couldn't carry two teddies at once if she wanted to hold (Y/n)'s hand as well. She had barely let go of her mother's hand at all, too afraid letting go might get them separated or allow someone like the bad man to hurt either of them.
But Minnie had done amazingly well so far. They had walked down the promenade, been along the sea front for a while, and now they were in the arcades.
Maddie had helped Minnie win a dog teddy from a crane machine and that was what Minnie was holding proudly. She wanted to give it to Evan when he came home tonight so she was parading around with it, meaning her Fireman Sam teddy was confined to (Y/n)'s bag for the time being.
When Minnie took her hand again, (Y/n) glanced around the arcade that was just a little too loud for her liking.
She looked across to where Maddie and Jee were just finishing up with one of the water gun games and she and Minnie headed over to them.
"This one! Mama do this one." Jee tugged on Maddie's hand and guided her over to the basketball game. She knew that was one that Maddie had a weakness for and when Maddie raised a brow at (Y/n), she rolled her eyes playfully and nodded.
When Evan was younger and Maddie used to take him to the arcade, this was the game they spent the most time and money on. They would play and play and rack up the tickets because both of them were accustomed players. (Y/n) was happy to take Evan's place and have a battle with her sister in law.
She felt Minnie cuddle up into her side while Jee stood between Maddie's legs, her hands excitedly tapping away on the front of the machine so she could eagerly watch the numbers at the back.
Clicking her spine into place, (Y/n) ran her hand along the side of her stomach where the baby was happily kicking up a fuss. She reached forward when the buzzer went off and grabbed the nearest basketball. (Y/n) liked this game.
"Go mummy!"
"Hurry mama!"
Jee helped roll the basketballs towards Maddie while Minnie clung to (Y/n)'s leg and leant her head against her mum's stomach. Jostling every now and then when (Y/n) had to keep reaching out for the basketballs because waiting for them to fall to the end wasted precious time.
Minnie began to count the scores, shouting out every time (Y/n) scored and she banged her hands on the side of the machine happily when both of them got through to the next round.
"I'm sweating already," (Y/n) mumbled, dragging her fingers through her hair as she clicked her back into place again. Leaning back and forth was starting to cause an ache in her lower back but the competitive streak within her was taking over.
Once the second round started, the hoop began to move from side to side, but it didn't bother either woman. Both of them seemed to be hitting baskets just one second after the other.
"Yay mummy! Round three."
"I don't think I can, you take over for me." (Y/n) took a step back and steered Minnie in front of her. She didn't have the energy for another round, and Maddie's score wasn't enough to get her into a third round which meant (Y/n) had won.
She rolled the basketballs down for Minnie who did her best, getting two or three before the timer ran out.
"Okay, what's next, now that you've beaten me?"
"Horses? Please?" Jee looked up at Maddie and pointed to the miniature merry go round next to the Dance Step game.
"Do you want to have a go?" Maddie looked down at Minnie but she shook her head. She was more interested in the crane machines or the 2p machines rather than the motion rides like that.
Minnie took (Y/n)'s hand again as they followed Maddie over to the merry go round so they could watch Jee. She was younger so this was something she enjoed and preferred and Jee was such a smiley girl that they would be able to take a lot of good photos today. They had gotten some selfies earlier where both girls had ice cream splattered across their faces. It had been a while since (Y/n) had taken any photos that weren't just of Evan or Minnie, so to have a few with Maddie and then some with all four of them was lovely.
Once Jee was perched on the golden horse and the merry go round was slowly spinning in circles, playing a rhythmic, if rather pitched tune, Maddie stood next to (Y/n). The pair of them leaned back against the Dance Step machine with tender grins and Maddie had her phone out, taking a little video.
Glancing behind her, (Y/n) watched the Dance icon stepping from left to right as the arrows lit up the screen. She loved those games, especially when she got to play the old nineties tunes and levelled up to the hard rounds.
"If I wasn't pregnant right nowâŠ" She looked wistfully at the machine while she felt Maddie's elbow gently nudging her side.
(Y/n) couldn't try it, not even on the easy level, not with her back playing up, but if they came back to the arcade once the baby was born, that would be the first game she would go on. She and Maddie could have a few rounds and see who could best the other.
When a sudden bang echoed through the overcrowded arcade, (Y/n) glanced to the left and felt a shudder run through her. Someone had backed up into one of the penny machines and the echo caused Minnie to jolt into (Y/n)'s side. Big noises were never a problem, but since the shopping incident, Minnie was viewing everything as a threat.
"It's okay," (Y/n) murmured softly, running her hand through Minnie's hair and brushing the strands away from her eyes.
Minnie dithered at her side, her eyes wide and scanning around the arcade as if she was searching for a threat.
This was why she wanted Evan to come out with them. If he was here, he would pick her up. If Evan was here, he would hold her in his arms and tell her everything was alright and no one would dare mess with him or come near Minnie or her mum if he was here.
But without him, everyone was getting too close. There were teenagers running around and a few men messing around near the machines like they were trying to break into them or shake them until all the coins fell out.
What if one of them came over and tried to hurt (Y/n) again? What if they pushed her or went to hurt Maddie? What if they started saying mean things like the other man did and tried to come near Minnie and Jee? What would they do?
Minnie could feel her heart racing as she cuddled the teddy closer to her chest, binding her arms around it so tight that if it had been breathing, it would of suffocated by now.
When the men continued to bash into the machine, Minnie couldn't find the will to look anywhere else. She could barely feel her mum's fingers running through her hair anymore trying to calm her down. But when the two men turned around and one of them started walking their way, Minnie started to shake.
She twisted to the left and scuttled away, following the patterned carpet like it was a trail guiding her somewhere safer. She weaved between the machines, jumping at every loud note of music that blasted from the machines and each time one of the zombie games let out a gunshot.
Her head tilted down and her arms pinned into her sides as she pelted off in a rush, unsure where exactly she was aiming for. She just wanted to get away and find somewhere safe.
"Minnie- baby no!" Reaching behind her, (Y/n) patted her hand down on Maddie's arm before she tried to hurry after her daughter.
Something had spooked her and she was pelting through the arcade.
(Y/n) shifted her bag strap so it was looped over her neck rather than just her shoulder, allowing her to speed up without losing her bag in the process. She weaved between the machines, holding her breath as she tried to look for her daughter's curly hair or spot the purple dress she was wearing.
Her panicked eyes scanned round as she weaved between parents, racing children and loud teenagers constantly getting in her path. Even though it was clear (Y/n) was trying to hurry after her child before they got separated. She couldn't allow that. Minnie was in a panic and if she got lost she would start to scream or think someone was going to snatch her.
She took a sharp left as her heart jumped into her throat; she was right near the exit. What if Minnie bolted outside? (Y/n) could easily lose her in the sea of people swarming about. Someone could take her hand and drag her away. Minnie could get swept up and wander too far.
Raging thoughts dwelled in her head as her throat clogged up and she couldn't take a proper breath. But just as she was about to rush out the open doors, something caught her eye.
"Minnie no!"
Lurching to the left, (Y/n) reached out for her five year old, but she wasn't quick enough. Minnie scuttled inside the prize drop of the crane machine before (Y/n) could get to her.
"Minnie, Minnie get out of there." (Y/n) dropped to her knees, despite the ache it caused in her lower stomach and the shockwave that it rattled up her spine.
She pushed the flap open and tried to reach her hand up, but Minnie was mewling like a trapped kitten. Her daughter wriggled and screamed, writhing in panic until she managed to shimmy out of the drop zone and climb over the plastic barrier. She tumbled like an acrobat and flopped onto the styrofoam cuttings and mingled in with the Disney Dumbo toys. The five year old curled up like she was trying to somehow blend in or become invisible, her dog toy cuddled to her chest and her head nuzzled against one of the other teddies surrounding her.
Each breath she took finally started to mellow out and she stopped screaming and whining, switching to deep breaths to try and calm back down.
Great.
(Y/n) could feel a wave of anger radiating through her, despite how badly she tried to fight it off when she looked at her daughter.
Why hide in there? She knew she couldn't go messing with the machines, it was dangerous. She could of broken her arm or a leg trying to get up there, it was a good job she was small and nimble.
Now (Y/n) was going to have to find an attendant and get them to unlock the machine to get Minnie out. And people were already starting to notice that there was a little girl hidden in with the toys. The last thing they needed was to cause another scene. Why would Minnie hide in there if she felt scared or spooked? How would being in there give her security or help her?
With a sigh, (Y/n) moved her hands to the glass and heaved herself off her knees and back to her feet. She tilted her head back and pressed her hand to her temple as she let herself lean against the glass separating her from her daughter.
She opened her eyes and jerked back a little when she felt a hand on her shoulder, but she relaxed, seeing it was only Maddie who had Jee sat on her right hip. Maddie seemed to look around, panic fuelling her eyes as she tried to find her niece, but when she looked at the claw machine, her lips pursed and her shoulders dropped.
"Oh," She muttered, fighting back a defeated smile while she squeezed (Y/n)'s arm. "I'll go get someone." She jostled Jee higher on her hip and hurried off to find someone who would have the keys.
"Baby, why'd you get in there?" (Y/n) rested one hand on her hip as she turned to face the glass which she leaned her temple against.
She looked down at her daughter who stayed curled up with her knees imbedded into the styrofoam and her tummy tucked over her legs. The way she looked up with those big doe eyes through her lashes made (Y/n)'s anger fizzle out and a wave of sympathy washed over her instead.
She barely managed to hear Minnie whisper "Bad man." As tears began to trickle down the little girl's face and she stayed cuddled up, wishing everyone crowding round would go away.
(Y/n) pushed off the machine and stood back on her feet properly when Maddie jogged back over with a young man following her. He didn't look much older than nineteen, with floppy hair falling in every direction and he was lazily chewing a piece of gum. The faded, bored look in his eyes brightened a little when he realised there actually was a little girl stuck in one of their machines.
"You can't take anything from the machine, you know that, right?" He raised a bored eyebrow and unclipped the keychain from his belt.
"She's not trying to take a toy, she's frightened." (Y/n) couldn't help but scowl at him as she folded her arms over her stomach and waited for him to unlock the glass door.
He huffed, nodding along as if to appease her while he switched to another key and tried to ram it into the lock.
By the time he switched to the fifth key on his chain, (Y/n) shared an annoyed look with Maddie and inched closer to the machine. Minnie was still cuddled up and the sight of the stranger in front of the machine was making her tremble and cower back. She had tears running down her face and every time she looked over at (Y/n), her lower lip wobbled.
"Do you know what you're doing?" (Y/n) snapped when the next key didn't work either. If he carried on she would take them from him and find the right one herself.
But her jaw dropped and she heard Maddie let out a disgruntled noise when they both watched the last key wriggle in the lock and suddenly, it snapped. Half the metal key stayed rammed in the lock while the end broke off in the attendant's hand.
His jaw dropped and those tired, unbothered eyes finally widened as shock plastered across his face. That clearly wasn't part of the plan and he hadn't done this before. No kid had managed to climb into the machine. Many had tried, some got into the prize drop area before their parents dragged them out. And a lot of stupid teenagers got their arms caught trying to reach up for a prize. But now the door was jammed, and Minnie was too unsettled to scramble back down. She could hurt herself trying to wriggle back down that thin prize drop zone.
"Oh shit." He mumbled to himself and he looked petrified when he turned to look at both women who were now glaring daggers into him.
"Well? What are you going to do now?" Maddie sounded stern and authoritive but she could feel herself getting angry when he shrugged.
"Lady, I- I don't have another key, anyway it's jammed."
He actually flinched when he heard (Y/n) mutter 'stupid boy' under her breath and when she gave his shoulder a forceful nudge, he took the hint. He backed up and stood to one side, deciding to tell other people to move on and stop crowding round.
"I guess I'm calling Evan." (Y/n) laughed cynically and fished around in her bag for her phone. She needed the fire department to come down here and bust this lock open to get her daughter out. And who better than her partner and his team to do the honours?
She stood to one side, staying close to the machine while Maddie moved over and looked down at Minnie, quietly asking if she was alright in there.
"Hi sweetheart, how's it going? Did you all go out somewhere?" Evan's voice made butterflies ignite in (Y/n)'s stomach and she fidgeted on the spot when she felt the baby moving too.
"Are you out on a call?"
"We're just about to head back to the station, why? Is everything okay?"
"Evan⊠could- could you and the team swing by and help us? We're at the arcades, and Minnie's got a bit, stuck."
It felt like too much to ask, but if she didn't ask or if Evan said they couldn't, she would have to call 911 anyway and get a different fire service to come out and help them. (Y/n) didn't want to bother Evan at work, she had never rang him at work before until two weeks ago after the whole supermarket fiasco. Now here she was, doing it again.
"Uh, stuck how?" Apprehension flooded Evan's voice but (Y/n) could hear him moving about and she just knew he was already getting the team ready to come down to them.
"She's inside a crane machine." (Y/n) darted her eyes over to Minnie who was sniffling, but she was listening attentively to Maddie who was trying to chat to her and keep her from fretting.
"Shit. Text me the address, we're coming now baby."
(Y/n) said her goodbyes and quickly sent a text to say which arcade they were in. Although by the time the team got here, people would be talking and murmuring and hovering around so it would be easy enough to see which one the commotion was in.
She leaned her head back against the machine and tapped her phone against her thigh as she looked down at Minnie.
"Your dad's coming to get you out." (Y/n) managed a tepid smile when Maddie jostled Jee on her hip, murmuring that she was going to see her dad too. At least the boys would get to see them for a little while, and both girls would be over the moon at seeing their dads on the job. Although this wasn't the best of circumstances.
"Daddy?"
A smile pulled at Minnie's lips as she lifted her head and wiped her nose against her sleeve. Locking eyes with her mum who rose a brow.
"Don't tell me you got in there so I could call your dad to come and get you out." She doubted that was Minnie's intention, she had been petrified of something and gone into panic mode. But she could see Minnie was calming down already at the thought of Evan coming to the rescue.
***
Evan looped the tool kit over his shoulder and spun away from the truck with a look of concentration plastered across his face.
He could feel Eddie and Chimney hovering close behind him as he walked away from the truck and headed over to the promenade. This wasn't the kind of callout he was expecting today. When (Y/n) called, he thought she would be telling him that they had gone out and had a good day, or that they only went out for a little while and then headed back home. He wasn't expecting to be told Minnie had scuttled into one of the arcade machines, for some very strange reason he wasn't sure of yet.
At least this was preferable to the phone call he'd had the other week. Never again did Evan want a stranger answering (Y/n)'s phone, trying desperately to tell him that there was some kind of incident involving his family at the store. He wasn't ready to be rushing from the station down to the shops, fretting that he would have to take his girls to the hospital.
"Why are we here, again?" Hen hurried to keep up with the rest of them, looping a medic bag on her shoulder just in case they needed to assess anyone.
"For some unknown reason, my daughter's managed to climb into one of the prize machines."
Evan jogged a bit faster as he spoke and rounded the corner. He had memorised the address (Y/n) sent to him, but he didn't really need it. There were people hovering outside the third arcade down the promenade and Evan would bet that was where his family was.
"Excuse me." He politely weaved between the families and teens all moving around, pretending to play on the games when really, they were trying to get a look at what was going on.
He saw Maddie first. He rested his hand down on her shoulder and grinned softly at Jee who was in her arm, looking very tired.
"Hi," Maddie squeezed his wrist and took a few steps back to let him get in front of her and see the scene. And when her sights set on Chimney, she moved over to him, letting their daughter scuttle into his arms as she squealed. She hadn't been expecting to see her dad here, in his uniform.
A wary smile pulled at (Y/n)'s lips that were curved around her thumb as she had been biting her nails for the last ten minutes. She pushed off the machine she had been leaning against like a guard, protecting her daughter from anyone and everyone passing by.
The moment Evan was within reach, (Y/n) looped her arms around his neck and pushed up on her tiptoes to be level with him. She kissed his cheek while his left arm bound tight around her waist and he pulled her into his chest.
He dropped the tool kit down by his feet, briefly skimming his fingers across (Y/n)'s stomach before he leaned back to look down at her.
"Dare I ask why she's in there?" His eyes darted between the machine and (Y/n), noting that Minnie hadn't realised yet that he was here.
"She got scared and ran off, but I don't know why she clambered in there." (Y/n) felt like she could of melted on the spot when Evan hummed and pressed a tender kiss to her temple. She could feel his thumb stroking up and down her back while he slowly inched her backwards until he was in front of the machine.
When he unravelled his arms from (Y/n), Evan tapped his knuckles against the glass and placed both hands on his hips. He arched a brow and tilted his head down when Minnie's head shot up and a mixture of surprise and awe lit up her teary face when she realised Evan was here. Part of her hadn't believed that he would come down to get her out.
"Minnie Buckley."
The five year old scurried round so she was sitting up rather than lying down and she pinned the teddy she rightfully won earlier against her chest. The way she looked up at Evan through her lashes already had his heart melting and whatever sternness he had about him was starting to fade away.
"Let's get you out of there," He sighed and crouched down to rummage through the bag and see what he could find.
When he lifted his head, he frowned and tilted his head to one side as his fingers traced the lock. Someone had jammed the wrong key in and snapped it. No wonder they couldn't get her out.
"Okay," He grabbed a few tools and stood up to his full height again. At least Minnie had gotten into one of the larger crane machines, she seemed to have a lot of room in there which meant she hadn't panicked or gotten claustraphobic yet. "Shuffle back out the way, baby."
He waved his hand until she took the hint and inched back until she was pressed up against the back of the machine.
(Y/n) took a few more steps out the way when Eddie walked over to her, a kind smile on his face as he moved to stand beside Evan. He helped Evan wriggle the lock until they got the jammed piece of metal from the lock. And Evan switched tools, using a few picks and metal hooks while Eddie twisted the bolt lock with a wrench and the managed to break it.
Once the lock was broken and loose in the glass door, Evan curled his hand into a fist and bashed it against the lock. In one swift movement, the metal lock dropped into the machine, disappearing into the styrofoam. Which allowed Evan to hook his finger into the glass door and pull it open.
He took a step back, unable to stop the gracious smile from pulling at his lips and the moment he opened his arms, Minnie scrambled forward. She looped her arms- and the teddy- around Evan's neck and jumped so he could pick her up and cuddle her against his chest.
His lips attached to the top of her head and he moved over to the side while Eddie stuffed the tools back into the bag and moved over to Hen and Bobby. The three of them would take a wander round and wait back at the truck while Evan and Chimney finished up here with their families.
(Y/n) curled her hands around Evan's bicep and leaned her cheek against his shoulder, murmuring a soft "Thank you," into his arm while he kissed the top of her head.
After a few moments of running his hand up and down Minnie's back, Evan tilted backwards to look down at her and he rose a brow when she gingerly looked up at him through her lashes.
"Minnie, why'd you climb in there? You know that's naughty."
They both knew he never used her name unless it was serious or she was in trouble. Hearing her name from Evan's lips made her shudder and she tilted forward to bury her face in his shirt, but Evan wasn't having any of it. He held her in his right arm while his other hand gently but firmly gripped her chin and tilted her head back so she was looking at him again.
"What were you doing?" They needed to know. They had to know why she thought climbing into there was a better idea than staying with (Y/n) or simply running away if something was frightening.
She couldn't do that again because she wasn't going to fit into cramped places like that. She was lucky she was slim enough to get into that machine without becoming stuck or gaining a bad injury. Evan was more than happy to come down here and be the one to get her out of that machine, but he had to at least understand what Minnie had been up to and make sure she knew it was dangerous to do that.
"There was a bad man, hitting the machines⊠he- he couldn't get me out of there, could he?"
Evan's eyes darted over to (Y/n) and she could see the panic lighting him up like a Christmas tree, so she squeezed his arm and shook her head. Mark wasn't here. They hadn't been in any danger.
"Someone was getting rowdy, messing with the machines, she must have thought he would do something." She ran a hand down her face, warding off tears. Not only had Mark set (Y/n) back in her recovery, but now he had petrified Minnie too, and (Y/n) wanted to keep him as far away from her daughter as possible. She left him so he couldn't inflict any pain or panic onto her, but he had still managed it.
Minnie thought someone was going to hurt them and she had seen a chance to get away. If her mum couldn't get her out of that machine, then neither could a bad man.
With a sigh, Evan pressed his lips to the top of her head and peppered kisses up and down her temple and cheek. His hand smoothed up and down her back as he swayed them from left to right.
"No, no he couldn't, but you could of gotten stuck or hurt. If anything like that happens again, you don't leave mummy or aunt Maddie, okay? You just wait for me to come get you."
He felt her snuggle deeper into his chest with her head tucked safely beneath his chin and he smiled softly. His lips continued to pepper kisses against the top of her head while he reached one arm out to tuck (Y/n) up into his side. The three of them slowly made their way outside to where Maddie, Chimney and Jee were stood on the promenade.
"Please don't do that again, baby." Evan murmured into Minnie's hair. He didn't want to tell her off when she had been frightened and rightfully wanted to stay safe. But he didn't want the next phone call to be saying that Minnie had broken her arm or her leg or that she had gotten trapped. It would be a lot harder to get her out of one of those machines or something just like it if she was stuck and distressed and they had to cut through metal to reach her.
Minnie gingerly leaned her head back and unravelled one arm from Evan's neck so she could show him the toy dog she had won on one of the other machines. She watched as Evan raised a brow and reached his hand up to observe the toy.
"I won this for you daddy." Her voice was quiet and soft and very drained, making Evan sure that when he got home tonight, she would be fast asleep.
"For me?" When she nodded, Evan pecked her cheek and nuzzled his nose against hers. "Thank you, little mouse."
#evan buckley x reader#evan buckley#911 imagine#imagine#pregnant! reader#evan buckley imagine#buck x reader#buck imagine#cant you be mine
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Yan!Batfamily x Singer!YN (neglected)
Inspired by @@gotham-daydreams's fic, your work is wonderful and makes me think about many thingsâŠ. One of the things I think about is if they found Reader from her musicâŠ. Reader here is heavily inspired by Naomi Jon, she is an independent singer from Germany, she regularly makes videos on youtube about makeup, shopping on websites, tiktok foods, things like that. She is a very fun person to watch and I highly recommend you watch it, all her videos are in English. (one detail is that she doesnât talk much about her family, and lives with her friend Vincent and boyyy every time I read about Reader from Not [ ] fics I remember her. If you disagree, thatâs okay, I still like the idea of ââYNâs glow up <3) âHave you seen, come and read my diary Then you will see, that you donât mean shit to meâ â MANTRA- Naomi Jon
I imagine that while shopping at a store, Steph liked the storeâs playlist and went to look for who was singing it.
Imagine her face when she finds out that the person she was listening to⊠was the YN everyone was looking for. She immediately discovers her YouTube channel, social media⊠and everyone immediately starts binge-watching and stalking all of her videos
Dick would be the type of person who would learn the choreography for your music videos, just to dance with you. He swears he can be the fun older brother you need, he can be in your videos too! And cook! I don't think he wears makeup, but he would watch all your makeup videos because he likes your reviews, and when you make a joke or mix up the language in the video he finds it so funny that he can't help but laugh. He wants to test out the latest skincare products with you and wants to travel together! You look so different now, with bold eyeliner and colorful hair, Dick wonders if you've always been like this and he was just blind because he didn't see it. Come on, he didn't know you had this fun and easygoing side, let's spend more time together, okay?
âThis dress deserves⊠THE BUSINESS WALK!â
Jason sees how you've grown, and how much better you are away from Gotham. Like a flower that blooms only when it's in a clean and suitable environment, you've brilliantly transformed into who you are. But a part of him, the biggest part, thinks you'd be much safer around your family, where they can protect you. You sing and post so many videos on the internet, what if someone comes after you? Let your brother stay close, okay? And who is this friend who lives with you anyway? He is not trustworthy - no. It doesn't matter if you've known him since you were kids and have lived together for a long time. Another thing I bet he would do is join you on the days when you dye your hair in the craziest ways possible, he has some experience with dye, you know?
âCâmon FriendReader, this is the plan for this hair dyeing technique. Yes, all seven colors are here!â
For those who neglected Reader and pretended you didn't exist, he is your #01 Fan now. Tim definitely listens to ALL your music, and is 100% connected to your social networks. He watches and rewatches all your videos, they are so interactive and relaxed that he has the illusion that he is living it all with you. He's the type of person who eats while watching your videos, and watches them before bed, and when he's having a particularly stressful situation he'll lock himself in his room and watch one of your vlogs, because your voice has such a calming effect of normality that for him, it's like at any moment you'll open his door asking to try a 2-ingredient recipe you saw on TikTok.
âTimothyyy~ try this recipe I saw on tik tok!â
Damian is an interesting case⊠because he discovered that his precious blood brother has a side to him that he never saw. When he walked into your room and looked at all your memories, all your pictures of your achievements, all your music sketches he KNEW you were talented, but when he saw you in action in your videos and shows it was like a cartoon character came to life. YOU came to life! Definitely buy all your merch, and talk about you all the time to John. Do you still have two cats?? Enough, the kidnapping is you and them two.
âMy next show will beâŠâ
Bruce goes back and rereads your journal drafts and realizes how much your music has really changed, your focus now being only on your fans and not your family. Like everyone else in the family, he watches your videos daily and keeps thinking âI could give her a bigger box of surprises so she can record a videoâ âDid she think that dress was pretty? I could buy her a better one, shinier and pinker, just like she wanted.â When you post a video of the backstage of a show and all your lively preparations, he canât help but feel guilty for the thousandth time that day. He should be by your side right now, a father should be behind the scenes giving you comfort and strength to go on the show. He should be in the front row cheering when you realized your dream of going on stage for the first time. The whole family should⊠Youâre trying so hard, your dedication is palpable in your videos and shows. The little girl grew up and became a dreamy woman, but who do you run to when you need to cry? Let him be your comforting shoulder now, let him come into your life again.
âI made this song especially for you, my fans!â
When Alfred put that video of YNâs childhood on TV, where she performed in a school play, to remind everyone of her absence, he couldnât be more proud of his work when weeks later he hears her voice coming from one of the boysâ rooms. It's you singing one of the songs, the batboy repeating it for the tenth time. Your voice has changed, from a childish and angelic voice to a woman's, your looks have gradually gained confidence and personality, but your âpresenceâ in the mansion is ghostly. He feels so happy for you, you are externalizing to the world what he has always seen: that you are incredible. Alfred doesn't need to marathon your videos to feel closer to you, he already has affectionate memories, he already has albums from when you were a baby and tested recipes with him, he already has videos of you training to sing when you were little⊠But he still watches your videos because unfortunately, even with him you lost contact. He watches the videos like a grandfather watches his grandson's stories âOh? Are you in Tokyo now? How wonderful, dear, remember the coat.â âOh dear YN, I don't think this recipe will be good for youâŠâ âYn, be careful with the scams on these strange websites!â
âGuys, I know what youâre thinking⊠BUT maybe combining onion and chocolate CAN work.â
#dc jason todd#dc comics#dcu#batman#dick grayson#bruce wayne#batfam#jason todd#yandere batfam#yandere batboys#yandere batman#this is platonic btw#batfamily#alfred pennyworth#dc robin#red hood#batman and robin#yandere tim drake#yandere dick grayson#yandere jason todd#yandere damian wayne#yandere damian x reader
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"Much ink has already been spilled on Harrisâs prosecutorial background. What is significant about the topic of sex work is how recently the vice presidentâelectâs actions contradicted her alleged views. During her tenure as AG, she led a campaign to shut down Backpage, a classified advertising website frequently used by sex workers, calling it âthe worldâs top online brothelâ in 2016 and claiming that the site made âmillions of dollars from trafficking.â While Backpage did make millions off of sex work ads, its âadult servicesâ listings offered a safer and more transparent platform for sex workers and their clients to conduct consensual transactions than had historically been available. Harrisâs grandiose mischaracterization led to a Senate investigation, and the shuttering of the site by the FBI in 2018.
âBackpage being gone has devastated our community,â said Andrews. The platform allowed sex workers to work more safely: They were able to vet clients and promote their services online. âItâs very heartbreaking to see the fallout,â said dominatrix Yevgeniya Ivanyutenko. âA lot of people lost their ability to safely make a living. A lot of people were forced to go on the street or do other things that they wouldnât have otherwise considered.â M.F. Akynos, the founder and executive director of the Black Sex Worker Collective, thinks Harris should âapologize to the community. She needs to admit that she really fucked up with Backpage, and really ruined a lot of peopleâs lives.â
After Harris became a senator, she cosponsored the now-infamous Stop Enabling Sex Traffickers Act (SESTA), whichâalong with the Houseâs Allow States and Victims to Fight Online Sex Trafficking Act (FOSTA)âwas signed into law by President Trump in 2018. FOSTA-SESTA created a loophole in Section 230 of the Communications Decency Act, the so-called âsafe harborâ provision that allows websites to be free from liability for user-generated content (e.g., Amazon reviews, Craigslist ads). The Electronic Frontier Foundation argues that Section 230 is the backbone of the Internet, calling it âthe most important law protecting internet free speech.â Now, website publishers are liable if third parties post sex-work ads on their platforms.
That spelled the end of any number of platformsâmostly famously Craigslistâs âpersonal encountersâ sectionâthat sex workers used to vet prospective clients, leaving an already vulnerable workforce even more exposed. (The Woodhull Freedom Foundation has filed a lawsuit challenging FOSTA on First Amendment grounds; in January 2020, it won an appeal in D.C.âs district court).
âI sent a bunch of stats [to Harris and Senator Diane Feinstein] about decriminalization and how much SESTA-FOSTA would hurt American sex workers and open them up to violence,â said Cara (a pseudonym), who was working as a sex worker in the San Francisco and a member of SWOP when the bill passed. Both senators ignored her.
The bill both demonstrably harmed sex workers and failed to drop sex trafficking. âWithin one month of FOSTAâs enactment, 13 sex workers were reported missing, and two were dead from suicide,â wrote Lura Chamberlain in her Fordham Law Review article âFOSTA: A Hostile Law with a Human Cost.â âSex workers operating independently faced a tremendous and immediate uptick in unwanted solicitation from individuals offering or demanding to traffic them. Numerous others were raped, assaulted, and rendered homeless or unable to feed their children.â A 2020 survey of the effects of FOSTA-SESTA found that â99% of online respondents reported that this law does not make them feel saferâ and 80.61 percent âsay they are now facing difficulties advertising their services.â "
-What Sex Workers Want Kamala Harris to Know by Hallie Liberman
#personal#sw#sex work is work#kamala harris#one of the MANY many reasons i hate harris#she directly put so many sex workers at risk. i lost multiple community members because of her#whorephobia#fosta/sesta
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Could you do Benedict Bridgerton with wife reader? She was pregnant and Bridgerton went to a ball. There's a man who makes a move on her and Ben is jealous. Then he saw that the man started to get all touched with his wife and she was clearly uncomfortable. Ben was her knight in shining armor and warned that man đ Do it how you want. Thanks !! :))
Handsome Hero
Pairing: Benedict Bridgerton x reader
Summary: Benedict's protective instincts flared when an unwanted admirer made his pregnant wife uncomfortable.
Word count: 847
Warnings: Fluff, asshole lord who does not know about boundaries
A/N:
Hi nonnie, I want to thank you for your request and for trusting me with writing your idea! I hope you'll like it xx
English is not my first language, so I apologize if I made any (grammar) mistakes. Feedback, requests, recommendations, vents or questions are always welcome. I love talking to you guys about anything <3
Happy reading xxx
I do NOT give permission for my work to be translated or reposted on here or any other site.
The grand ballroom of Bridgerton House was abuzz with laughter and lively conversation. The annual summer ball was in full swing, and the air was thick with the sweet fragrance of blooming roses intertwined with the rich aroma of fine wines and exquisite dishes. The grand chandelier sparkled above, casting a warm golden glow over the elegantly dressed guests. Women in vibrant gowns and men in crisp suits twirled around the dance floor, their movements synchronized to the lively music of the orchestra.
Benedict stood near the refreshment table, a glass of champagne in his hand. His eyes frequently drifted towards his beloved wife, who was standing across the room. You were the epitome of grace, your hand resting gently on your slightly rounded belly, a soft smile gracing your lips as you chatted with Lady Danbury. Your gown, a soft pastel color, accentuated your natural glow, and the delicate lace trim fluttered with each subtle movement.
His heart swelled with love and pride. How radiant you looked tonight, he thought, the very picture of maternal beauty. Your laughter was a melodic counterpoint to the music, a sound that never failed to bring a smile to his face. But even as he basked in his admiration, a shadow of concern crossed his mind. He had noticed a certain gentleman, Lord Prescott, paying you undue attention throughout the evening. Prescott was notorious for his flirtatious behavior, and Benedictâs protective instincts were on high alert.
You were in the middle of a conversation with Lady Danbury, her witty remarks keeping you entertained, when you felt Prescottâs presence. His voice interrupted your chat, smooth yet unsettling.
âGood evening, Lady Bridgerton,â he drawled, his eyes glinting with an all-too-familiar mischief. âYouâre looking particularly radiant tonight.â
You offered a polite but distant smile. âThank you, Lord Prescott. I trust you are enjoying the ball?â
âOh, immensely,â he replied, his gaze lingering on you a moment longer than necessary. He inched closer, his presence imposing. âBut I must say, the evening has just improved considerably.â
Lady Danburyâs sharp eyes flicked between you and Prescott, her brow furrowing slightly. She gave you a subtle nod, recognizing your discomfort and excusing herself with a promise to catch up later.
You tried to steer the conversation towards safer topics, but Prescott was relentless. He leaned in, his hand brushing against your arm. The touch sent a shiver of unease down your spine. You stepped back, but he closed the distance, his fingers trailing down your arm lingering a moment too long.
âSo, tell me,â he continued, ignoring your clear discomfort. âHow are you finding the evening in your...delicate condition?â His eyes darted to your belly, a lecherous smile playing on his lips.
You stiffened, trying to maintain your composure. âQuite enjoyable, thank you,â you replied curtly. âNow, if youâll excuse me, I should rejoin my husband.â
But Prescott was undeterred. âSurely he wonât mind if I steal a moment of your time,â he said, his hand drifting dangerously close to your waist. âItâs not often one gets to converse with such a captivating lady.â
Benedictâs heart lurched as he saw the discomfort flash across your face. His protective instincts roared to the surface. Setting his glass down with a decisive clink, he strode across the ballroom, weaving through the throng of guests with purposeful steps.
He arrived just as Prescott leaned in, his hand now resting on your waist. âPrescott,â Benedictâs voice cut through the air, sharp and cold as steel. The man turned, surprise and a hint of fear flickering in his eyes. âI believe my wife has had enough of your company.â
Prescott straightened, a smirk playing on his lips. âBridgerton, always the gallant knight. We were merely conversing.â
Benedictâs eyes narrowed, his protective instincts roaring to the surface. "From where I stand, it appears you were overstepping the bounds of decency. My wife is clearly uncomfortable."
Prescottâs smirk faltered under Benedictâs intense gaze. âI suggest you find your entertainment elsewhere,â Benedict continued, his tone leaving no room for argument. âBefore I forget my manners.â
Prescott paled slightly, mumbling an apology before slinking away into the crowd.
Benedict turned to you, his expression softening instantly. He gently cupped your face in his hands, his thumbs brushing your cheeks. âAre you alright, my love?â he asked, his voice a tender whisper.
You nodded, leaning into his touch. âI am now. Thank you, Benedict.â
He pulled you into a gentle embrace, careful of your growing belly. âI will always protect you,â he murmured into your hair. âYou and our child.â
You smiled, wrapping your arms around him. âI know. Youâre my knight in shining armor. My very handsome hero.â
He pressed a kiss to your forehead, his heart full. âAnd you are my everything.â
As the music swelled and the dance floor filled once more, Benedict led you to the edge of the room, finding a quiet corner where you could rest and enjoy the rest of the evening in peace. His hand never left yours, a constant reminder of his unwavering love and protection.
#benedict bridgerton#benedict x reader#benedict bridgerton x reader#benedict bridgerton x fem!reader#benedict bridgerton fanfiction#bridgerton family#benedict bridgerton imagine#benedict bridgerton x you#bridgerton fanfiction#bridgerton
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their s/o having a nightmare | hip hop unit
đ seungcheol
cheol is a heavy sleeper, an earthquake could be happening and heâd sleep through it, BUT when it comes to you, itâs like he has a sixth sense that notices any shifts in your mood, even if heâs asleep. and knowing him, cheol would be worried sick seeing you so distraught, as your eyes looked frantically around the room, while you tried to reach for him in a frenzy.
something about you being scared and frightened in your sleep, in your most vulnerable state, made his heart ache so badly. his panicked state matching yours wouldnât help a lot in calming you down, but the weight of his arms around your waist and his lips repeatedly pecking your forehead would be a whole another story.Â
âs okay, youâre okay baby,â your boyfriend whispered, kissing the top of your head, as he tightened his arms that were wrapped around your waist. you thought you were quiet enough not to wake him, but it seemed that muffling your sobs with the sleeve of his hoodie you were wearing, letting the tears run slowly down your cheeks wasnât enough to deceive cheolâs protectiveness, even in his sleep.Â
âsorry for waking you up,â you murmured, your voice muffled by your hiccups and his shirt, as he cradled your head to his chest. he hushed you immediately, pecking your forehead repeatedly. âdo you want to talk about it? need me to get you some water? should i get you an extra blanket? want me to turn on the lights?â he asked, his breath tickling your cheek, as he swayed you back and forth. kkuma, almost as if she could sense something was wrong, yawned and stretched, padding over to where you were sitting in her dadâs arms.Â
at some point you had to start calming him down. his worried pout was endearing, but you didnât want to keep cheol up all night, and you knew there was no way heâd go back to sleep in this state, especially because you were still shaken up by your bad dream. Â
âi just want to make sure youâre okay,â he said, running his hand over your back. âjust hold me like this, please?â there was no safer place for you than seungcheolâs arms, and not even a nightmare could change that.    Â
đ wonwoo
wonwoo would wake up while youâd try to sneak out of the bed (heâs not as cuddly in his sleep as cheol or gyu are, but he always has an arm draped over your waist or tummy, so of course heâd immediately notice if youâd try to wiggle your way out of his grip). usually heâd just go back to sleep, thinking you were going to the bathroom or to get a glass of water, but youâd be shaking too much for it to be normal. wonwoo would reach for you, pulling you back to his chest, cradling the back of your head with his hand.
i believe wonwoo would be even more worried than cheol, heâd never show it as much as him, but his heart would break as heâd hold your shaking body in his arms. (i donât know if youâve seen that tik tok where he checks up on seungkwan after he hit him on accident or something, AND OMG THE BOBA EYES AND WORRY ON HIS FACE EIUFHEUIRFHE). Â
âhere, put your hand over my heart,â wonwoo gently grabbed your shaking hand, and placed it on his chest, right over his heart. âyou see, that was just a bad dream, honey,â he whispered, his voice deep and soothing, still laced with sleep. âeverythingâs okay.â  Â
you nodded, resting your head in the crook of wonwooâs neck, as you tried to match your erratic breathing with his heartbeat, while he kept petting the back of your head with one hand, and rubbing soothing circles into your hip with the other. surrounded by his arms and familiar warmth, you snuggled further into his embrace, inhaling his comforting scent that always felt like home.Â
âwhat if i read a bit to you?â wonwoo pressed a kiss to your temple, smoothing out your bed-hair.Â
âno, won, you have work tomorrow morning,â you whispered, your face still hidden in his neck. âyou should go to sleep.âÂ
without saying anything, wonwoo placed you between his legs, as he fixed the pillows behind him, so he could rest comfortably against the headboard, and grabbed the book he was currently reading from the nightstand. âdo you need an extra blanket? or maybe you want me to make you some tea?âÂ
you smiled, grabbing his hand that was resting against your tummy, and run your thumb over his knuckles - the same ones that were ready to fight with whatever made you so scared in your dream. âno, wonwoo, everything is perfect,â you whispered. âthank you.â
âof course,â he said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.Â
đ mingyu Â
gyu canât physically sleep without you, youâre wrapped securely in his arms through the whole night, whether you like it or not, so heâd immediately know that something was wrong. at first, heâd be a bit confused, sleep still clouding his mind, why he couldnât feel your body weight on his, and heâd try to reach for you pouting angrily, because how dare you to move away from him.
when heâd find you shaking and struggling to catch your breath, mingyu would be up and alert in an instant, ready to fight whoever and whatever made you so distressed. and mingyu would try to act as composed as he could, even though heâd be a worried mess on the inside.Â
âbaby,â you heard your boyfriend whine behind you, probably from the lack of your warmth next to him. âwhere âr you,â he sighed, lifting his head up, just to drop it onto his pillow a second later. âcome back.âÂ
you exhaled slowly, trying to calm your breathing, because you knew mingyu - no matter how tired he was, heâd immediately notice that something was wrong. he just came back home from tour and needed a full night of sleep, you couldnât make him worry. âiâm right here, love. go back to sleep,â you tried your best to sound as normal as you could, and hoped mingyu would be too tired to notice how your voice shook.Â
âno,â he murmured, his voice muffled by his pillow. âcome back here,â he reached out and made grabby hands at you with his eyes still closed. if you werenât so shaken up because of your dream, youâd take a photo of him (which would probably become your new wallpaper), and smother his puffy cheeks in kisses. âwait a second,â he said, finally opening his eyes, sensing that something was wrong, when you didnât snuggle back against him.Â
a couple of minutes later you were all wrapped up in at least three blankets (to protect you from the monsters, mingyuâs words) and your boyfriendâs arms that securely held you against his chest. âIâm not going to let anyone hurt you,â he mumbled, bumping his nose against yours. âyouâre safe now, my baby.âÂ
đ vernonÂ
when he sleeps, he sleeps like a log (vernon needs his beauty sleep), so youâd be a bit hesitant to wake him up. you knew he rarely got a full eight hours of sleep, so you didnât want to disturb him just because of your nightmare, but at the same time you needed some comfort. youâd cuddle up to him, throwing one of your arms over his tummy, which would wake him up a bit, alarmed by the weight on his body (it wasnât often that you cuddled while sleeping, so his sleep clouded mind noticed something was wrong).
thanks to him being so relaxed and composed, vernon would be excellent at calming you down, plus he always gets a bit clingier when seeing you so upset, so youâd fall asleep again in no time.
âratatouille is so much better than cars, though,â vernon whispered, his lips tickling your temple, as he placed occasional pecks there. âi could watch that movie over and over again and never get bored of it.â
you giggled quietly as you listened to your boyfriend rant about something he definitely shouldnât be talking about in the middle of the night on a random wednesday. it was all of you fault, and although vernon was quick to shut your apologies down, you still fell bad for waking him up when you knew he needed to sleep. plus, you were a bit embarrassed by the whole situation.
ânightmares suck, and there is no shame in feeling scared. iâm happy you woke me up,â he said, holding your head in his hands, so you wouldnât escape his gaze.Â
vernon knew exactly how to calm you down, he noticed early in your relationship how you became putty in his arms whenever he talked about movies. it wasnât your fault he looked so adorable ranting about something he loved os much. rubbing your cheeks to get the dried tears off of them, you snuggled further into your boyfriendâs side, waiting for what unpopular opinion heâd state next.
âare you sure youâre okay, babe? you donât need me to grab a glass of water for you or anything?âÂ
âiâm okay, seriously. just⊠just keep talking.âÂ
taglist (if you want to be added, check my masterlist): @weird-bookworm @sea-moon-star @hanniehaee @wonwooz1 @byprettymar @edgaralienpoe @staranghae @eightlightstar @itza-meee @immabecreepin @hyneyedfiz @honestlydopetree @dkswife @marisblogg @whatsgyud @aaniag @jeonghansshitester @daegutowns @carlesscat-thinklogic23 @embrace-themagic @soul-is-a-strange-kid @ohmyhuenings @nidda13 @hrts4hanniehae @k-drama-adict @f4iryjjosh @isabellah29 @hafsah-ali @mrswonwooo @lllucere @athanasiasakura @onlyyjeonghan @chillseo @bangantokchy @hrts4hanniehae @haecien
#seventeen x reader#seventeen x you#svt reactions#seventeen reactions#seventeen imagines#seventeen#seventeen fluff#seventeen kpop#seventeen carat#svt fluff#seventeen reaction#seungcheol#seungcheol x reader#seungcheol x you#seungcheol fluff#wonwoo#wonwoo fluff#wonwoo x reader#wonwoo x you#mingyu#mingyu fluff#mingyu x reader#mingyu x you#vernon#vernon fluff#vernon x reader#svt
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PALESTINIAN FAMILY HAVING TO START OVER.
@ahedalshaer is a 22-year-old dentistry student who was in her fourth year studying at Al-Azhar University in Ghazza, she was working hard to achieve her goal to become a dentist before the occupation came and halted her from furthering her education in peace.
This campaign is supporting seven people, Ahed, her parents and her siblings. Ahedâs campaign was at 9% of their goal but she unfortunately had to close down her previous campaign due to the person managing it scamming her and her family and running off with the money. Theyâre back at square one and they are EXTREMELY low on donations right now, the most recent donation was just a day ago, this family desperately needs you to help them survive.
Ahedâs parents are both ill. Her father is diabetic, and her mother is suffering from chest infections and due to the targeted bombing on hospitals they literally cannot get access to the healthcare they need right now. With how expensive everything is in Ghazza we have no idea how long they can go on for. They have to live in a tent with disease ridden insects and the tent barely protects them from the scorching heat that makes them feel like theyâre being cooked alive and the approaching winter.
All this family wants is to return to a peaceful life and evacuate to a safer place, please do anything you can to support them whether that be by donating, reblogging or making a post of your own, it could help a ton!! It doesnât matter how little your donation is because it WILL have an impact, it could help them buy food for the day or help them purchase heavier clothing and blankets for the winter, it could help them evacuate.
she's been verified,
here , number 407 in this spreadsheet here , this post was made when Ahed still had her previous campaign but she was verified by them.
tagging for reach since i dont have a large platform.
@momxijinping @slitherbop @beebfreeb @starrysharks @stuckinapril
@a-shade-of-blue @khanger @skipppppy @rottin6 @esroniets
@omegaversereloaded @prisonhannibal @littlegermanboy @schoolhater @heritageposts
@killy @they-bite @magnus-rhymes-with-swagness @determinate-negation @wizardarchetypes
@pikslasrce @stil-lindigo @fairuzfan @thedigitalbard @vilecrocodile
@paper-mario-wiki @rethrone @ibtisams @tliersgender @furiousfinnstan
@mobiused @buttercuparry @paparoach @maoistyuri @mazzikah
@fly-sky-high-09 @lesbianmaxevans @turian @deepspaceboytoy @flouryhedgehog
#gaza genocide#important#vetted gfm#palestine gfm#gfm#gaza gfm#gaza#free palestine đ”đž#regretevator#red dead redemption 2#madcom#gravity falls#hlvrai#transgender#butcheredtailored
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Mob!Natasha x daughter!reader headcannons
masterlist
a/n: I figured writing some headcanons was a bit less pressuring, and I enjoyed this so much! Iâll definitely be writing more headcanons in the future :)
You do not have my permission to repost, copy or translate my work
 |âââââââââââ ⎔ âââââââââââ|
Mob!Natasha who found you when you were just a baby. She heard crying coming out of the closet after she had just killed her target. Turns out, he had already found his next victim, you. Luckily, Natasha was just in time to save you from that horrible life and raised you herself
Mob!Natasha who raised you in the safety of her Russian home. Protected, hidden, and far away from the dangers of the world
Mob!Natasha who only allowed Melina, Alexei, and Yelena to see and know about you the first 5 years of your life
Mob!Natasha who started training you for active combat the moment you could stand, wanting you to be able to protect yourself, should you ever end up being mixed into one of her âjobsâ
Mob!Natasha who loves you more than anything in the world, getting you whatever you want whenever you want it, yet still making sure youâre not becoming a spoiled brat
Mob!Natasha who puts her trusted bodyguard, Bucky Barnes, on any and every outing you go on. You leave the house for a walk? You better count on the fact that Bucky is coming. You want to go shopping? Donât worry, Bucky will simply come to help you carry your bags. You want to have dinner with someone? Bucky will simply sit a few tables away from you, giving you privacy yet keeping a close eye on you
Mob!Natasha who is terrified when your existence becomes known after you and her are spotted going for a little shopping trip. She will upgrade her security everywhere, putting multiple bodyguards by your side every time you leave the house. Of course, she still trusts that Bucky is the best at keeping you safe, but just to be sure, you get a few more of her men
Mob!Natasha who sometimes allows you to sit in on her meetings, letting you sit next to her, or on the ground, whichever you prefer. Itâs not like any of the people she is meeting with can say anything. That is if they want to keep their lives of course. Sometimes, if you forgot to bring something she will slide you her notepad for you to doodle on, or sheâll just stop the entire meeting and order one of her men to fetch you whatever you wish. She gets to decided how her meetings go, of course
Mob!Natasha who knows you adore her henchwomen more than anything. Your personal favourite is Natashaâs assistant, Maria. You know her and your mom have some more going on. You are not blind to the lingering touches and the sneaky looks they send each other. Of course, you are a big fan of Carol. She is just so cool and nice to you, even though she can kill someone with basically a glare. To you, she is the sweetest human on the planet
Mob!Natasha who knows you adore your aunt Yelena more than anyone on the planet. Because of that, she makes sure Yelena gets the opportunity to visit more than enough. Everytime Natasha has to leave for a slightly bigger âjobâ she simply calls Yelena to keep you company. Natasha knows you donât need a babysitter anymore, but she likes the idea of you not having to be lonely. Besides, it is much safer for you to be accompanied by your aunt Yelena
Mob!Natasha who knows how much you adore playing board and cards games, so she told her people to never deny you a game, were you to ask. Luckily, you mostly gravitate towards Carol and her girlfriend Valkyrie, and who were they to deny you a game? They loved your company, and they loved playing your card games with you
Mob!Natasha who, when you start dating someone, runs thousands of background checks, does hundreds of checkups throughout the day, and makes sure to give whoever you decided to date a little talk, letting them know exactly whatâs waiting for them were they ever to hurt you
Mob!Natasha who had the best private tutors coming to your home to teach you everything you needed to know, giving you the highest level of eduction youâd ever need
Mob!Natasha who knows that you are financially set for life, but who still allows you to go to college if you would ever want to. Of course it would be an expensive, high security private school, but still
Mob!Natasha who takes you on the multiple holiday trips during the year. You want to go to Spain? Pack your bag because Natasha will have planned a trip next week. Obviously you both will simply take her private jet, but she needs a week to book some fancy holiday home for you two to stay at
Mob!Natasha who, despite her fortune, often books small, low budget holiday trips. Everyone knows those small holiday homes are the best and the cosiest. What kind of mother would Natasha be if she didnât give you that experience?
Permanent tags: @marvelnatasha12346 @lesbionion @nova-kyle @darkstar225 @saraaahsstuff @marvelwomenarehot0 @screechcat @iheartjohansson @tia-thesimp @swaqcenix @karmasgxrl @marvel-lous3000 @hor1zond1ar1es @lorsstar1st @superlegend216
#black widow#marvel#natasha x reader#mcu#natasha romanoff#avengers#natasha x reader platonic#natasha x daughter#marvel reader insert#blackhill#blackhill x reader#black widow x reader#natasha romanoff x daughter#natasha romanoff x reader platonic#natasha romanoff x reader#dark natasha romanoff#natasha romanova#maria x reader#maria hill x reader#maria hill#natasha x maria#yelena belova x reader#yelena x reader#yelena#yelena belova#carol danvers x reader#carol danvers#carol x valkyrie#valkyrie#king valkyrie
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I don't know if this has been done before, but I've got a Merthur alt ending/prompt boring holes into my brain and I can't let it go. So, in DotD:
Merlin, realizing they won't make it to the lake in time, decides to try one last thing to save the king: to trade his own life for Arthur's via the power of life and death, a la Nimueh. It's a bold move, and it's unpredictable, but Merlin is both desperate and slightly ruthless when it comes to Arthur. Because he loves him.
However, since he wants to sacrifice himself, he needs a third party to work the magic. So when Morgana finds them, Merlin doesn't kill her. She's a High Priestess, like Nimueh. She could wield the magic herself. She might be the only one who can, actually, because Merlin has killed the only other two High Priestesses we know of - Nimueh and Morgause.
So he asks her to do it. He makes a convincing argument. She could be rid of him, Emrys, the bane of her existence, and they both know that he's the only thing keeping her from defeating Arthur. Once her army is rebuilt, she could return and take the kingdom for good, if she wanted. If not, she could live the rest of her life in peace, knowing she has defeated the greatest sorcerer of all time.
But Morgana is a seer. She sees that Arthur now knows about Merlin's magic and is accepting him. That Arthur is accepting Merlin, magic and all, because he loves him. That Arthur would likely, if he survived, return to Camelot and legalize magic, now that he knows. For Merlin. Because he loves him. For the first time, she looks in Arthur's eyes and believes he actually might have turned a corner, and in a wild fit of nostalgia and hope, she agrees -
But it doesn't work. The gods won't kill Emrys. It goes against the prophecy. Arthur and Merlin are to build the Golden Age together. One cannot exist without the other. They won't make the trade.
Instead, she explains, they demand something else in exchange for Arthur's life. Something that will allow them to replenish the dwindled population of magic-users without draining the earth's coffers and throwing off the balance once more. They will restore Arthur's life, but in return they will accept only one thing:
Merlin's magic.
In the end, it's not a hard decision for Merlin to make. Of course, he agrees. Of course, he would die for Arthur. He would kill for Arthur. But when he sacrifices his magic, it's something different altogether. As Morgana performs the spell, as the gods take back what they gave, as the golden magic pours out of Merlin's hands and ears and skin and trickles back into the earth to be dispersed elsewhere, Merlin gives away a part of himself he never thought could be separated. A connectivity that tied him to the ground. It's like going blind. It's like coming apart, atom by atom, and then being put back together with only half the pieces.
And Arthur watches it. Heâs glad, at first. This will be easier anyway. None of them have to die today, and Arthur can keep Merlinâs secret. They can forget about the magic. They can go back to the way things were before. It might be hard, but their friendship might survive. And Arthur wonât have to protect Merlin. Heâll be safer, really.
Heâll be normal.
But then the thing happens, and Arthur watches, and heâs horrified. He's seen death. He's seen injury. But he's never seen this rending of a person from their essence, never seen the torment and pain of someone's magic being ripped from their body. He's never seen Merlin looking so gray as he does now. The golden light that he was taught to despise flickers in Merlin's eyes, like it's alive and trying to hold on, like it wants to stay, and then it's gone, and Merlin's tears arenât rivers of gold anymore. They run tired and clear, and Merlin is a shell on the ground, fragile and hollow.
As the pain in Arthur's side begins to fade, as he takes the fullest breath he has in days and feels the vitality come back to his body, Arthur feels like heâs the monster here. Not Merlin. Not even Morgana. Him. His father. Everything he was taught to believe in.
Because heâs seen now what his fatherâs Purge did to his land. Heâs watched Utherâs great vision for Camelot come to pass in the body of his best friend. The stripping away of magic. The destruction of this special, beautiful part of a person.Â
And heâs seen whatâs left. The shell. The empty gray.
Morgana disappears into a cloud of smoke. There is no place in Camelot for her now, but she has at least accomplished her goals. She's safe. She's free.
Arthur rises from the ground and picks up his sword. Merlin lies unconscious, and Arthur does the obvious: he carries him home.
Once he's back home, and Merlin is asleep in bed, and Gaius is digging out spellbooks and potions and all manner of incriminating truths, Arthur learns a few things:
Merlin is still Merlin. The magic was a tool, not his personality.
For those who possess it, magic functions like a sixth sense. Everything is learned and experienced through it, like any other sense. Everything. Moving through the world, seeing it, understanding it.Â
Merlin was never actually clumsy.
Merlin was only âaccident-proneâ because he had to suppress his magic so often. Sometimes, he played it up for his own advantage, but sometimes he just tripped because it wasnât natural to walk around without reaching out with magic to find the floor first.
Now he has no magic.
Merlin is crippled, physically, once he wakes. He can move his body, but he canât figure out where to put it.
He has no magic, but he is still Merlin. Heâs still prone to fibbing, overwork, and sitting up late into the night to read. Still holds onto hope when he shouldnât. Still tries and tries. And when he gives up, Arthur tells him he needs him, and he tries some more.
Because Arthur does need him. He wants to heal the rift in his land. He wants to stitch the wounds of his people put there by Uther. He never wants to see what happened to Merlin happen to anyone else. And he wants Merlin to be there, because he trusts him. Relies on him. Loves him.
Merlin has no magic, but he used to. He knows whatâs needed by the people, the Druids, the land. When he drafts the documents needed to legalize magic, Arthur asks for Merlinâs help. And Merlin gives it. Of course he does. Heâs still Merlin. Heâs still too ready to give himself away. Still cheeky, to Arthurâs delight.Â
Still wise.
Over time, Merlin learns to use utensils again. Two crutches come next, then one. Over the years, he is able to reduce it down to a staff, which he uses to find the floor. He trains a bird to go longer distances for him, across town or even just down the many flights of stairs in the castle. His mind rewires itself, relearns, but he will never have the wrist strength to buff armor again.Â
Arthur wouldnât have had him as a servant anyway. He makes him an advisor to the king, and he sits at the round table, at Arthurâs right hand.Â
He sleeps, of course, in the kingâs bed.
They call it the Golden Age, because all the magic Merlin poured into the earth comes back to the kingdom in waves. You can almost see it sparkling in the air sometimes, when the light hits it just right. Harvests are full and free of blight. Orchards blossom and hang heavy with fruit. More babes are born with magic in three years than have been in the last thirty. Itâs Merlin, woven into every inch of the kingdom. Itâs his gift to Arthur. To Camelot. To himself.
Merlin becomes a legend in his own right, known for his far-seeing eyes, his trusty staff, his surprisingly robust beard (Arthur is astonished and openly jealous). The kingdom benefits from his kindness and his ability to judge risk vs. reward. And the dragon helps, too, occasionally.Â
Above all, Merlin is known for his wisdom, his council, and his unwavering love for Arthur.
Is it sad that Merlin had to give up his magic? Yes. But he never actually wanted it to begin with. Not really. Not to the extent he had it. He never wanted the burden of the prophecy. Like Arthur and his dream of relinquishing his reign and running off with Merlin to live on a farm, Merlin wanted to set aside the burden of being Emrys and return to himself. He wanted a life surrounded by love and peace. That was why he came to Camelot in the first place. He never, not once in his life, actually wanted power. He wanted the Golden Age. He wanted Arthur.
And he gets him.
#merthur#merlin#bbc merlin#bbc merthur#merlin fanfic#arthur pendragon#merlin bbc#merlin x arthur#prompt#fic prompt#my post
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Prolouge : Spectral Mysteries
Summary:
Danny Fenton gets adopted by Pariah Dark and Clockwork now Renamed as Perseus Penrose Dark-Nightingale and Cassius Christopher Nightingale along with Dan Phantom, Jazz Fenton and Danielle Dani Phantom after the GIW and Fenton Parents tried to hunt and almost successfully vivisect Danny.
As they had Danny in containment and his Vivisection wound stapled for the temporary meantime, Clockwork saves Danny and meddles with the timeline to forge files of their fake existence in the mortal plane.
Moving to Gotham was their only choice for reasons that the GIW cannot willy milly go around trying to hunt them down especially in a place where they're an easy victim of crime.
Danny slowly adapts to Gotham, setting a haunt for himself to feel even more safer and accidentally becoming an Information Broker in the streets known as "Spectre" or "Specter" depends on who spells it and who says it.
Notes:
Ages For the Dark/Nightingales
Pariah Dark : ???
Clockwork : ???
Dan Phantom : 25
Jazz Fenton : 20
Danny Fenton : 17
Danielle Dani Phantom : 8
Ages for the Batfam:
Bruce Wayne: 48
Dick Grayson : 28
Jason Todd : 23
Tim Drake-Wayne : 20
Cassandra Cain : 20
Stephanie Brown : 20
Duke Thomas : 18
Damian Wayne : 16
Have fun reading!
"Gotham, huh?" Danny breathed as he looked out the window of the SUV they're using to travel, Danny stared at the jagged skyline, a stark contrast to Amity Park's gentle hills. Danny took a deep breathe and buried himself further into his hoodie, Jazz pulling him close to her chest, "I know it was hard leaving and abandoning your Haunt... I'm sorry it had to become that way..." Jazz whispered softly to Danny who relaxed his body in his chest.
Dan was sleeping with his arms crossed protectively on his chest and Elle in his lap playing Minecraft on an Ipad swaying her legs softly and rhythmically as she started humming peacefully, Dan's cap was covering his face hiding any expression he might be making under his cap. Danny glanced out the window as they neared Gotham City, it's more than just a city. It was a behemoth, gothic structures and the air itself feeling heavy and different.
Danny tightened his hoodie further feeling the change of atmosphere as they entered Gotham City. Pariah Dark now Perseus Penrose Dark-Nightingale, Furrowed his brows as he took in the change. Dan took off his cap by tilting his head down and opening his eyes, "We're here Huh?" Dan muttered, pulling Elle closer to him to keep her from feeling too uncomfortable with the new change.
The air was heavy with what they deem as Rancid Ectoplasmic Vibes, Danny didn't like it but he slowly acclimated with the other ghosts, Pariah was the quickest to recover as he's already used to it and Dan being the second to do so. Jazz helped Danny calm down by keeping him close to her chest and whispering sweet soft words of reassurement. She was the only one who wasn't as affected by the change because of her full humanity, Although liminal she was not affected.
Danny gasped softly as he calmed down, he looked over out the windows seeing the towering skyscrapers and buildings that contrasted the gentle atmosphere of Amity Park, their windows like cold and unblinking observing eyes which inhabits strangers.
Soon they arrived at what Clockwork has claimed his "Mortal Haunt", It was a building that contains a clock shop inside a Book Shop, it felt warm as Danny entered the building. Upstairs were their personal home, already ready with security alarms that works around them and personal bedrooms each of their own with one with a large bed which would be Pariah and Clockwork's room.
It was somewhere around Crime Alley or Park Row as rich people likes to call the area, in a more secluded street where Ectoplasm in the air is more ambient and easier to filtrate into clean ectoplasm in the area. Pariah made sure that their home was very secured as he didn't want to risk anyone slipping in or breaking in.
Dan helped with the unpacking and arranging the items and baggage of their new home, helping Danny with arranging as he sulked in his now fluffed up bed inside a bedroom that was specifically decorated for him. The bedroom he now inhabits being that of space themed as he always liked, NASA posters he pinned on the walls and his organized personal items by a desk. It was just like his original Room in Amity Park, just more organized and a bigger space.
As soon as he finished organizing his things he immediately buried himself in his fluffy fur like bed, burying himself under the weighted blanket. "You need the Air conditioner on Bud?" Dan leaned on Danny's doorframe, arm's crossed but holding a cup of Warm Cocoa in his hand and a plate of cookies. "Yes please..." Danny muttered near weakly as he stayed under the weighted blankets, Dan could only chuckle and turned up the cold temperature for Danny and placed his treats and cocoa in the desk.
"We'll leave you alone but you better eat dinner later, jazz will bust in your room if you skip." Dan knocked on the wall before leaving and Danny just hummed as he heard the door shut. Danny slowly pulled out his phone to text his friends.
âAmity Ghostlingsâ
Inviso-Bill: Hey, I'm in Gotham now :|
PharaohIncarnation: I already miss you Danny :((
EcoTerrorism: Stop being overdramatic tuck, Danny's safer now. We should celebrate he finally got out!! >:))
PharaohIncarnation: Shut up, you're crying right now >:(( don't say you're not sad!
Danny: I miss you all already too :). Dan let me rest, I'm gonna see you both later, promise.
RedHuntress: Keep safe Danny, I'll keep Amity in check for you since you're not here. Be well.
Danny: :))
âAmity Ghostlingsâ
Danny sighed as he stared at his screen, he opens his gallery and started scrolling through photos of him and his friends and His classmates which is a rare picture but still nostalgic nontheless.. It's only been a week since he's escape Maddie and Jack Fenton, He's sure the GIW is still looking for them willing to hunt them down without mercy.
Danny felt cold tears rolling down his cheeks slightly dampening the furry fabric of his bed, he sniffled. If only he hadn't needed to leave he wouldn't have, He didn't want to leave but he had no choice. Atleast now he can start a new life and experience normalcy again, even if his family isn't so normal now.
He clutched his hand to his chest, burying himself and curling up under the weighted blanket as the room's air conditioning continued to make the room colder. "I wish I didn't have to leave.." he mutters softly wiping the tears that broke through and rolled down his cheeks.
â â â â
3 months passed and Danny had to attend school again, Dan got a job as a mechanic and Perseus and Cassius(Pariah and Clockwork) stayed at the shop, Jazz was continuing her online classes and Elle was in her own elementary school.
Dan was driving the Motorbike Pariah got him as a gift just recently, he was driving Danny and Ellie to school quite fashionably, "Behave Alright Elle?" Dan helps Elle down from the front of the bike, she giggled and nodded before running inside the school. Danny smiled, "Anyone who bullies her will get my fist to their face." He blurted out with a smile.
"Agreed." Dan nodding along with Danny, "anyways, C'mon now, Helmet back on. Safety First in Gotham." Dan reminds Danny as he fixed his own helmet, Danny fixing his helmet straps and holding onto Dan as they drove to Danny's new Highschool. It was overwhelming, he felt alone and scared of new people.
"Danny, I know you're scared but you'll be fine. You should probably take off the earrings and wear the bracelet dampener instead tho." Danny pointed out and Danny frantically took off his earrings and only wore the small star themed ones and a bracelet. Dan drove off not before giving Danny a pat in the head.
This was it, Danny's start of a new School-life. "Let's hope it's not shitty this time..." He breathed out staring at the school before entering the gates and going in.
â â â â
Danny has concluded after a week of being in the school that it wasn't too bad, Somehow he got a friend named Damian and Jon on the first day of school as Damian immediately stood up as soon as the teacher asked if there's anyone who would like to tour him around the school.
"Daniel, May I know where you acquired this hoodie of yours?" Damian asked raising an eyebrow feeling the fabric between his fingers, "My Other Dad made it for me!" Danny smiled, Danny likes the way he said 'Daniel' it had an accent and sounded like 'Danyal' which was totally sexier than Plain old Daniel. 'Your Father sewed this himself?" Damian looked surprised.
"Yep! Clockwork's apparently good at sewing unexpectedly enough, maybe next week I can take you to meet them!" Danny exclaimed happily and Damian nodded, his brows furrowing in determination. "Very well then Daniel, I shall make a good impression on your Fathers." Damian cleared his throat. "How bout you Jon? My big brother Dan makes the best Food!" Danny nudged his shoulder to Jon.
Jon grinned, a playful glint in his eyes. "Oh yeah? Well, my dad makes the best apple pie in Smallville. You can't beat that!" He nudged Danny back, a lighthearted challenge in his tone. "Maybe you can teach Dan how to make a mean apple pie too, then we'll have a real cook-off!" Jon raises his chin high and proud.
Danny smiled, he liked his new friends, he liked this new school. Although he misses his friends in Amity Park now he had a sense of normalcy in his life unlike before.
â â â â
"Danny, I heard there's a bit of a uhm.... What do you humans call it..?" Clockwork started as Dan prepared Dinner, "Break, a School Break Clockwork." Jazz continued and Clockwork hummed. "yes yes that, a school break because of someone named Joker and Scarecrow currently on the loose. Why don't you accompany Dan to the Mechanic's place within your 2 weeks of School Break? Besides your classes with that is only online after all!" Clockwork exclaims with a smile.
"I can't tell if you're being sincere or you're planning something." Danny whispered honestly, "a bit of both~! But it's still good for you to be out and about, Besides school isn't the only thing there in life so you might meet some new friends or companions over there in his workplace!" Clockwork's smile was wider, a much more mischievous smile.
Danny thought about it for a moment, observing Clockwork's body language even if he knew he wouldn't be able to catch anything odd within the Man's Exterior expression. Danny sighed and nodded, "Fine, I'll go. I'll be bored here all day anyways." Danny states as he took a bite of Dan's cooking.
"That's good Danny, so why don't you tell us more about your new friends at school? Who was it again?" Jazz started the conversation to lighten up the mood much more than before. Danny perked up and smiled, "Damian and Jon. They're my new best friends at school, Sam and Tucker got to meet them in Minecraft when Jon convinced him to buy the game and play." Danny chuckled.
"Mhm, that's good Baby Ghost." Pariah just nodded, "I approve of your choice of friends, a Cat and a Pup they are and you are the mediator, a perfect trio." He continued whilst eating, "I suppose they ARE like a cat and a Puppy. A fierce yet cuddly Cat and a golden retriever puppy." Danny just shrugged. "Damian Is very nice tho, he helps me a lot with the subjects, especially literature and English, we hang out a lot at the burger joint called Bat-Burger." Danny continued with a smile plastered on his face.
"When can I meet them Template?" Elle tilts her head cutely, just like a kitten with it's adorable kitten eyes. "Once I get them to visit here, Dan, Damian is Vegetarian so no meat. I mean I'm also Partially Vegetarian and all but like no meat at all if you know what I mean." Danny continued eating glancing over to Dan who nodded and hummed, too tired to come up with an actual response.
"I'll make sure 'Dad' and 'Father' here doesn't freak them out once they do visit." Jazz giggled and Danny smiled, "Yes please, make sure Pariah and Clockwork actually act Human enoughâ" Danny sighs thinking of all the ways the visit could go wrong. Clockwork promptly stops him from his anxious overthinking by placing his hand on Danny's shoulder.
Danny looks over to Clockwork who was still just eating his food, despite not needing it they appreciate Dan's delicious cooking, "Although we can't promise anything, I will make sure that we won't mess up too much." Clockwork pats Danny's hand and Danny nodded, his gaze softening at Clockwork's sympathy.
'Danny took a deep breathe, maybe life won't be so bad in Gotham after all.' he thinks positively, nodding along his thoughts with a warm and gentle smile.
âżïž”âżïž”àšËÌŁÌŁÌŁÍৠProlouge End àšËÌŁÌŁÌŁÍà§âżïž”âżïž”
:)) Teaser? Yes absolutely. I love it. My friends also love it! Which is good! I'm gonna start alternatively posting for the other fics soon enough to get it consistently updating, unfortunately right now I'm just VERY very busy. But hey I still write I suppose!
I took the Information Broker Danny Fenton Idea from @hello-eden from this post of theirs:
https://www.tumblr.com/hello-eden/761631700474347520/information-broker-danny?source=share
Also @bianca-hooks123 as someone who wanted to get tagged I think
Masterlist :33
#danny phantom#danny fenton#dc x dp#danny phantom fandom#dp x dc#dcu#dc x dp crossover#dcxdp#dp x dc crossover#dcxdp fanfic#dpxdc crossover#dpxdc#dp x dc au#dark ages#dead serious#bad blood#<- prev tags are ship tags for in order are PD/CW Danny/Damian And Dan/Jason :))#have fun!
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ă disclaimer: this blog posts content not suitable for individuals under the age of 18. minors are strictly prohibited from viewing, sharing, or interacting with this blog. for more information on this blog's commitment to protecting minors, read our full statement here. ă
event | kinkmas 2023
prompt | fucking machine
pairing | porn director!ari levinson x pornstar!reader
warnings | reader is an amateur pornstar, ari is her beloved director. emphasis on safe/consensual sex practices (safe word mention.) mild dom!ari vibes. foreplay: nipple and clit play. fucking machine. spitting. orgasm permission + she comes :D
word count | 1,049
thinking about porn director!ari helping you, his favorite little star, take the machine for the first time đ„ș maybe you're fairly new to the line of work and you've only done tamer shoots so far. this is your first taste of intenser porn elements; you're just trying it out with ari before going through a proper shoot with cameras and everything because you're not sure how you'll take it or if you'll like it
ari is super protective of you and wants to make sure you're safe throughout the entire process. he insists it's just you and him because he doesn't want any outside pressure or elements potentially making it hard for you to advocate for yourself or ask to stop if you need to. you trust him so much, he's been so wonderful to you and you feel so much safer knowing it'll be just you and him in the studio đ
he gets everything ready before you arrive, arranging a comfy leather chaise for you to lay on and setting up the machine/testing out to make sure it works. he gets lube, a few different toys in case you'll want them, and clean up/aftercare stuff all set out as well. he told you to wear whatever you want, whatever's comfy. when you arrive in a simple t-shirt and sweatpants, he thinks you look so adorable and perfect just the way you are đ„ș
he sits with you for a little while beforehand, talking you through everything that'll happen so you understand the machine and there'll be no surprises. he makes you feel so safe and supported, reminding you several times that you can stop at any time, making sure you remember the safe word, etc. he's smiling so big at you when you nod to let him know you're reading, "i'm so proud of you, sweetheart. i promise we'll make it feel good. and if you need anything, you just let me know. that's my job, i'm here to make things easy and comfortable for you"
he has the machine close enough so he can sit on the edge of the chaise there with you and adjust it as necessary. when you're ready, he lets you undress and lay back. he just has such a way of making you feel so secure around him, he's smiling so sweetly at you as he takes some time to rub your thighs, easing your legs open as you relax for him. he takes plenty of time loving on you the ways he knows you love best, gently playing with your nipples before moving down to rub your clit a little bit
"there we go. just relax for me, angel," he's coaxing you as you grow warm and wet beneath his fingers. "gotta get you nice and ready, princess. that feel good, right there? you can tell me what you need, honey. i'll take care of you." once you're adequately warmed up, he pulls away and preps the silicon attachment with lube anyway, just to prevent any friction or discomfort. "you ready, sweetheart? just remember your word, okay? the moment you say, we stop." your enthusiastic nod and gentle smile convince him you're ready
"okay baby, here we go. gonna ease it in," he explains as he gently extends the rod up to press the tip of the dildo against your leaky hole. "bit of a stretch here, deep breaths," he talks you through it as the rubber object is slowly but steadily worked up into you. "good girl, almost there," he hums as he reaches a good stopping point, making sure the thrusts won't push in too far or hit your cervix painfully
rubbing your inner thigh soothingly, asking, "you ready for me to turn it on, princess? we'll start slow, but it'll be intense. you just let me know if you need something on your clit- sometimes that helps with the pressure"
he starts you out on the lowest setting, watching carefully to see how you react. your immediate soft moans and melting into the couch are good signs hehe 𫶠his face is beaming with pride as you lie back and let the machine fuck you, watching as your eyes roll back slightly and your legs tremble as they fall to either side
"g-god," you're groaning as you're pounding steadily, "you should've l-let me do this sooner"
he's chuckling as your words are distorted by the rhythm of the machine. "i needed to make sure you were ready, pretty girl. and look at you, you're taking it so well," he knows it drives you crazy when he talks to you like that, and it's working alright!!
"m-more," you're soon begging, "faster, p-please!"
he can't help but laugh lightheartedly a bit more at your enthusiasm and impatience, nodding as he bumps you up a bit in speed. you let out the sweetest, happiest sighs as the repeated pounding rocks the entire couch. wanting to make the experience as good as possible for you, he goes back to cupping your tit with one hand, patting lovingly over your swollen clit with the other. his added stimulation makes your body jerk and writhe weakly, broadening his proud smile
"go ahead, baby. take what you need. you want it faster?" he asks as he twists and tugs at your hardened nipple. your pleading nod prompts him to boost you up another few notches, the machine growing a bit noisier as you're now fucked a bit more forcefully. wiggling yourself down a bit, you dare to let the tip of the rubber cock hit up perfectly against your weak spot. the build-up to your orgasm seems to happen over the span of mere seconds, but ari sees it happening
"p-please, i'm gonna-" you're panting weakly as you teeter towards the edge. he knows you so well, he can somehow tell exactly what you need to get you there. he brings his hand up, spitting on his fingers before slapping them down over your clit, rubbing in furious circles
"go ahead, baby. you've been so good. you can go ahead and come," his permission is all it takes- you come right then and there on that massive rubber dick as it pounds you into oblivion, ari's skilled fingers carrying through the wonderful high đ
#eun's writing#kinkmas 2023#ari levinson#ari levinson fanfiction#ari levinson smut#ari levinson x reader#ari levinson x y/n#ari levinson x you#dom!ari levinson#ari levinson x sub!reader#ari levinson headcanon#ari levinson one shot#ari levinson drabble#ari levinson imagine#ari levinson blurb#the red sea diving resort#chris evans#chris evans fanfiction#chris evans smut
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đ§đąđȘđ”đ©đ§đ¶đ || joel miller x reader
đŽđ¶đźđźđąđłđș || joel wasn't looking for a follower, or a protĂ©gĂ©, or an employeeâ whatever you're supposed to beâ when he saved some dumbass kid from a couple runners. but he ended up with you anyways, and you swore to always be faithful to him... in every way.
đžđ°đłđ„ đ€đ°đ¶đŻđ” || 9.2k
đžđąđłđŻđȘđŻđšđŽ || smut (18+ only; oral f receiving, unprotected sex, very slight dacryphilia kinda?, a touch of degradation and dumbification in there, and virginity loss with some pain and one mention of blood), heavy age gap (not specified but the reader is absolutely an adult), insecure crybaby reader, unrequited love/pining, reader wants to fuck joel so bad it makes her look stupid (and we love that for her cause same), angst, tess getting kinda screwed over but only because it's absolutely necessary for the plot, emotionally repressed joel, mention of reader's parents being deceased (implied to be infected)
this fic does not contain spoilers for anything but minor details from episode one!
They were doing that thing againâ where they talked in front of you, as if you werenât there.
âSo we make the run tonight,â Tess decided, standing while Joel sat on the worn-out sofa with his hands clasped and his elbows resting on his knees. âWe should be back by four, thatâs when the FEDRA boys have their shift change, so we can avoid too much risk of getting caught.â
âWhat should I do?â you piped up. They both looked at you with that oh yeah, sheâs here glare and Tess sighed; she didnât try very hard to hide her frustration with you, but at the same time, she was actually nice to you when she was in a good mood (which was rare). Joel was less mean but also less niceâ he stayed steady in his neutral-to-mildly-irritated state, and you figured if he wanted you to fuck off, he wouldâve said so (probably in those exact words, too).
At the same time, they both instructed you flatly: âKeep watch.â
You sighed, shoulders sinking. âAgain? Canât I at leastâ?â
âYouâre safer here,â Joel insisted.
âYeah, and your gun is safer in the box under the bed, but itâs not gonna do shit to protect you if you never take it out,â you countered.
Tess scoffed. âAnd what are you gonna do to protect us?â
âI wasnât,â you admitted. âYou know Iâm a great shot, but I wasnât gonna try to shoot anybody. Iâm quieter than both of you. I can get in and out betterâ and nobodyâs looking for me. Everybody knows youâre smugglingââ
âNot everybody,â Joel defended himself in a mumble.
â â so if I do get caught, I can probably get out of a search,â you bargained.
âAnd what are you gonna do to get out of a search?â Tess smirked. âBat your eyelashes?â
That did sting, but you rolled your eyes and hoped you had effectively looked like it didnât affect you at all. âIf implying that Iâm pretty enough to get out of a search is supposed to be an insult, I canât wait to hear one of your compliments, Tess,â you repliedâ but your voice was soft and almost shaky, not as confident as the comeback merited. That summarized you pretty well: you had the will to be tough, but when it was time to really go for it, your body failed you and your hands got shaky and your eyes watered. Almost anything could make you cry, Tess had already made fun of you for it; Joel just seemed to get really uncomfortable when you started crying, but you always did your best to hide it from him. It just didnât usually work.
Your whole face probably lit up when you caught Joelâs suppressed smileâ did he think your joke was funny? He hadnât been smiling when Tess made fun of you, so it had to be what you saidâ or maybe he was thinking of something he would say if he cared enough to say it, some comment about how you could do more than that to get out of being searched. He didnât seem the type to make comments like that, but he was well aware what guards might let (or make) a girl do to avoid punishment.
âWhatever,â Tess decided, shaking her head, âyouâre not coming with us, thatâs the point.â
âJoel gets a say, too!â you blurted out. âYou canât just pick for him that Iâm not coming, he has toââ
âYouâll stay here,â he interrupted. So much for getting Joel to let you goâ you thought maybe he would side with you, for once. Deflating, you nodded, and they stopped paying attention to you at the same time that you stopped paying attention to them.
Your mind wandered in times like this, when they were talking and it was clear that it didnât concern you; Tess said once that you had an âoveractive imaginationâ, but she hadnât said it in a really mean way (like she said most things). You didnât want Joel to think that you were always daydreaming, but you couldnât help it sometimesâ you really just hoped that he didnât know he was the subject of so many of your thoughts.
Truth was, heâd caught your eye long before he even knew you existed. Youâd seen him around, doing all those odd jobs he did to make ends meet, and thought he was⊠well, handsome, but not just that. Mysterious. Intimidating, though he didnât exactly intimidate youâ okay, he did, but not like he did everybody else. He intimidated others because they were afraid he would hurt them; he intimidated you because you kind of wanted him to hurt you. Not, you know, bad, just⊠maybe a hand around the neck or pinning you to a wall or something?
It wasnât in spite of your inexperience that you had thoughts like thatâ it was because of it; you had been lonely for a long, long time, and maybe it was just fantasy, but you always wanted someone like Joel. You wanted someone to take care of you, protect you. You were just guessing that he was capable of that, but he proved it when you met for the first time.
It wasnât exactly a meet-cute, or even just a pleasant way to meet; you were short on rations, because youâd given most of yours away to Mrs. Davis who was too old and weak now to earn any extra for herself, and someone offered to pay you ten if you snuck something they could sell out of the old mall in the QZ⊠well, that went about as poorly as anyone wouldâve expected.
You asked Joel what he was doing there, after heâd saved you from the runners, but he refused to tell you. Either way, it was the best luck you ever had that he showed up and fought them off. For a moment, heâd held you close to him as he pulled you away from the Infected; you wished, later, that you hadnât been too terrified to appreciate that.
Ever since, youâd sworn yourself to himâ in more ways than one, but he only knew about the main one: you wanted to assist him however you could, figuring after he saved your life that you should dedicate it to his service. Well, Joel had never been interested in your assistance, or anything else about you. It was actually Tess' idea to let you stay: "if she wants to help, let her do it for free," she whispered to Joel, and he shrugged, and he did. That was how it ended up like this: you were the squeaky, wobbly third wheel of Joel and Tessâ operation, more often than not doing the least important work if not filling your time with essentially goose-chase tasks they invented to keep you occupied. Keep watch and listen to the radio were your biggest assignments; just wait here was another common one, when they were too lazy to call it one of the other two.
Tess left a little while later, and Joel laid down on the sofa. You broke away from your thoughts and tried to make yourself usefulâ you got up to rinse the dishes, humming a random tune to yourself as you worked. You were already back inside your head, wondering if you should tell Joel it was a song youâd heard on his radio and had stuck in your head ever since. Probably not worth it; it usually didnât go well when you tried to talk about things like that. Joel and Tess talked about before a lotâ well, it wasn't that often, because it wasn't very productive to talk about it. But they talked about it occasionally and you never had anything to say. Once, you tried to weigh in: they were reminiscing on concerts before the outbreak, bands and artists they remembered, and you chirped about how "I read about that in a book once!"
They both glared at you, and you didn't say anything else. But you didnât take it too personally, they just didnât want to feel oldâ but you didnât think either of them were old! These days, old wasnât a matter of years, it was really just about usefulnessâ like poor Mrs. Davis, she was old, she couldnât do much for herself anymoreâ and they were both⊠actually, they were both significantly more useful than you. That made you sad. But at least Joel had helped you get better with gunsâ not that he ever let you carry one.Â
âI didnât ask you to do that,â Joel broke the silence as you washed his favorite mug.
âI know,â you said back, voice light and chipper. âYou donât have to.â
You felt his eyes linger on you for a moment after that, but he didnât say anything else.
~
Though they had decided already that you werenât joining them on the run, you ended up thereâ mostly by happenstanceâ when Joel and Tess met with the buyer who wanted half of what they managed to bring back. Not many people in the QZ could afford that kind of contraband, so it made sense that it was one of the FEDRA soldierâs bankrolling this. They were by no means rich, but they had a lot of pull and could provide all sorts of ration cards and promises to look the other way if future issues arose. He couldnât guarantee safe movement out and back in through the boundaries of the city, but he at least promised to look the other way in any future run-ins with the law.
âSo thatâs it: youâll leave at eleven, youâre back by four, and you bring me my share the next day during my break?â the soldier confirmed.
âYep,â Tess agreed. âQuick and painless. Hopefully.â
You didnât expect the manâs eyes to land on you, but you didnât particularly care for it. "Is your little lap dog coming, too?" he smirked, glancing at Joel after he was finished raking his stare over you.
Your face got hot instantly, with shame and confusion. "Iâ I'm not in his lap," you denied, "that's notâ we don'tâ"
âNo,â Joel interrupted firmly, âsheâs not coming.â
There was an awkward silence, the place where he mightâve said and sheâs not my lap dog, if he cared much about the accusation. Tess seemed to be hanging onto that silence nearly as tightly as you were.
âWhatever,â the soldier finally brought everyoneâs attention back to the conversation, âjust meet me here tomorrow at half past one, and weâll see what youâve got.â
You were still thinking about that conversation that nightâ while you were keeping watch, like Joel had asked you to. It was really boring; you spent most of the time on the couch, reading a book youâd bought off someone for a few rations. After a while, your curiosity got the better of you, and you started snooping around Joelâs apartment. There wasnât much to look at⊠he didnât own much, just a few shirtsâ actually, you thought those jeans he always wore might be his only pairâŠ
Your search led you to his bed. Even with no one here to see you do it, you were a little embarrassed to lean in and take a whiff of his pillowâ but it was totally worth it. It smelled just like him, that warm piney kind of scent he had; in times like this, not many people could afford to smell nice, but Joel could. Not to say that he was the type to splurge on all the nicest stuff, you were pretty sure he didnât even own cologne, but he owned shampoo and deodorant, so that put him in the 80th percentile for hygiene in the Boston QZ.
But it wasnât just those products you smelled on his sheetsâ there was something quintessentially Joel to it all, something impossible to define but incredibly addictive. It was instinctual, the way you got in his bed and curled up in those sheets, burying yourself in the comfort of him. It was so easy to imagine how he might hold you, now that you were hereâ all you were missing was his strength, his weight, slow and steady breaths behind you as he drifted to sleepâŠ
You woke up when you heard the door shut. Startled into sitting up, you were hoping youâd have time to get out of his bed before he saw youâ but he was already standing there, staring at you. He was just a shape in the dark, so you couldnât see his face, but you heard the exasperated sigh.
âI thought I told you to sleep on the couch,â he said.
âR-right, sorry,â you coughed, recalling last time this happened with a pained wince.
âBetter yet, I thought I told you to keep watch!â
âYou know you just say that,â you mumbled, âso you can keep me away from the real work.â
He didnât say anything, probably because he knew you were rightâ but even if heâd wanted to, he couldnât, because Tess walked in a second later. âCanât believe he tried to stiff us,â she was saying as she walked in, half-laughing in frustration. âWell, yeah I can,â she added a second later.
Her attitude changed when she saw you in the bed. âIâ Iâll go back to myââ you started, but you ended up just getting up and leaving in a hurry before you could really finish your thought.
Wiping a small tear from under your eye quickly, you walked out of Joelâs apartment and started for your own bunk across the cityâ even though it was more likely than not that somebody would hassle you for walking around during curfew.
Yes, if you had a little more self-respect, you would just stop hanging around those two and find some other work to do, but Joel had done something for you that you could never repay and never forget. He didnât have to love you the way you loved himâ and youâd been sure for a while that he never wouldâ but couldnât he at least be a little nicer? You wouldnât feel right being anywhere but at his side, no matter how much he made it seem like he never wanted you there at all.
~
Honestly, you did consider not going back the next morningâ but you figured they might actually need you for the next part. Okay, not need, but they could at least use you for something: after smuggling anything in, you need a fence, someone to pawn this stuff off. Joel and Tess did a decent job of keeping a low profile, but it was even easier to do so when they had someone like you moving contraband around Bostonâs population.
So, after a few hours of sleep on that radically uncomfortable cot, you decided to head back to Joelâs place. The sun was just above the horizon by this time, but only the people working early shifts for their rations were up now; you liked the city best when it was quiet like this, but then again, you liked almost everything better quiet.
Usually, Joelâs apartment was the same way. But when you walked in, the energy was completely different than you were used to. Where youâd normally find Tess counting up the score while Joel sipped on coffee (or liquor, depending most on the hour), instead you walked in on what was clearly a loverâs quarrel.
The thing was, this was not your typical argumentâ they were doing it Joel and Tess style, which is to say, as repressed as possible. In fact, they werenât even talking when you walked in, but just the way they were standing was indicative of the discomfort they were clearly trying not to acknowledge.
Tess was at the window, arms crossed, looking at the view; and you knew that was a bad sign, because there was no view to be had, the QZ was an eyesore and she complained about it all the time. Joel was sitting at the table, facing the other way, his hand squeezing his own fist instead of the handle of his mugâ it didnât look injured, but his face still had a hint of pain on it.
âIâm sorryââ you mumbled, not sure what you were apologizing for yet, but Tess interrupted you.
âIâll go,â she decided, walking over to the table.
âOkay,â Joel agreed, not looking at her.
Well, you were no relationship expert, and you didnât even know what they were arguing about⊠but you knew that was pretty cold. âSo thatâs all youâre gonna say to me?â Tess prompted him, her tone tight and her eyes red.
You kept your head low, as if that would hide the fact that you could clearly see and hear all this. Â
âYeah,â Joel decided, not as aloof as usual; it reminded you of how he usually spoke to you, that frustration, but it was definitely different. More⊠exhausted. âYeah, it is.â
Tess put her weight predominantly on one leg, her hips shifting, as she let out a scoffing sort of breath. For a moment, she looked at you; you looked back at her shyly from beneath your brows before looking away. Why would she look at me right now?
Shaking her head, she left, mumbling to herself but you couldnât make it out. The door slammed behind her. Joel sighed next.
âEverything okay?â you asked sheepishly, twisting your boot on the floor to watch the shapes it made in the thin layer of dust.
âClearly,â he insisted, and the sarcasm was obvious though his voice was neutral. You could tell he didnât want you to prod moreâ anyone who knew Joel for two minutes would know thatâ but you still chewed your lip as you wondered what you should do.
Your attention turned to the stacks of contraband on the table; most of it was perfectly legal material to own, just not legal to acquire from outside the cityâs perimeter. âLooks like a good haul this time,â you noticed, hoping a change of subject would soothe him a little. Maybe it did, but he didnât show it. He just kept squeezing his fist, and you gently sat down across from him at the tableâ and you started doing what you figured you should, going through what theyâd brought back and starting to figure how much you could get for it.
For a while, he entertained that conversation, though with as short of responses as possible. Not even a âyesâ or a ânoâ, just hums and grunts that got the point across. You could tell he was thinking, but you could also tell he didnât want to beâ that heâd rather forget about all that. For once, he was struggling to do that.
It scared you to imagine doing something he so obviously didnât want you to do, but you knew you couldnât ignore it forever. âWhat made her so upset?â you asked softly, finally.
He paused for so long that you thought he was just ignoring your question, but he did eventually say something. âShe told me something I wasnât ready to hear,â he answered, âand⊠and I guess I said the wrong thing.â
âWhat did you say?â
âActually, I didnât say anything,â he admitted with a thin laugh. âBut, I said nothing in the wrong way.â
"... Do you think she'll come back?" you pressed, and his sigh was answer enough.
You had to wonder if he'd make you a real partner in all this now. Probably not, right? He thought so little of you before, that wouldn't change just because Tess was out.
âIâm sorry,â you decided.
âItâs not your fault,â he promised. âIt was me.â
You didnât press on that, already thankful and pleasantly surprised by how much heâd shared. He stood up a moment later, leaving the table and moving to the kitchenette so he could make some coffee; oddly, that comforted you. Like things were going to go forward now, like life could be normal again and he would still drink his coffee.
For a while, it was quietâ just how you liked it, and how you figured he liked it, too. He was humming a song at one point but you didnât think he realized he was doing it.
It was so quiet, in fact, that when you went to lay on the sofa later, you ended up accidentally dozing off. You couldnât say how long you were asleepâ you were pretty underslept, but it didnât feel like more than an hourâ just that you were awoken to the sound of movement in the kitchen area.
Sitting up, you tilted your head when you saw Joel had begun packing up the contraband haulâ well, half of it. âWhat are youâ?â you began to ask, but then you saw the time, and you remembered; but he answered you anyways.
âOur buyerâs on his break now,â Joel announced as he stuffed a pack of bandages into his bag. âI said I would meet him to show him what we got.â
âI can go with you!â you announced. âYou know, if Tess isnâtââ
âItâs fine,â he insisted, âI can do it myself.â
âJoel, please,â you pressed, âI promise Iâll do whatever you need me to, I just wanna helpââ
âI need you to stay here,â he frowned.
Some things never change, huh? âWhy donât you just let me go? Let me help you?â you whimpered, lip shaking as you started to cry. You hated yourself for it, but you knew you couldnât stop it.
There was a pause before he responded. âI donât like the way he looks at you,â Joel explained, but you doubted that was the real reason he didnât want you to come. âIt only takes one of us, youâre better off here.â
âTess was gonna go!â you reminded him, getting more upset. "I know I'm notâŠ" you trailed off as you tried not to cry too much or too loudly. "I can't do what she canâ I'm not strongâŠ"
He sighed as he knelt down in front of you, resting his hand on your knee. You peeked out from behind your fingers, but looked down again.
"I'm notâ I'm not smart, either," you whimpered. "I don't know anything, about before, about nowâ"
"That's not true," he mumbled, but you weren't finished yet.
"Nobody knows why you even keep me around, I sure don't," you shrugged, dropping your hands defeatedly, hot tears running faster down your face and dripping onto your pants; his hand reached up and wiped your cheeks with a gentleness you never knew he had. âMânot⊠Iâm not tough, like you guysâŠâ
"You know what you are, little girl?" he replied quietly. "You're good. You're sweet. Me an' Tess, we need someone like you to keep us from bein' sad old assholes all the timeâŠ"
He sighed, and you thought was done talking, until he spoke again, softer.
"I need someone like you."
Your heart swelled, and light filled your chest, until you had just enough confidence to finally blurt out what you'd been holding in for months: "Joel, you should know that I alwaysâ"
"Shh," he soothed, nodding. "I know."
Your face got hot instantly again, and your heart sank. "I think everybody knows," you mumbled awkwardly, giving him a half-smile through the drying tears. "But I thoughtâ it's just that you neverâ"
âI couldnât,â he insisted. âYou understand that? I couldnât, not with youââ
âWhy not?â you snapped. âWhy canât you?â
âIf you donât know why, youâre more hopeless than I thought,â he frowned.
âI knowâ I know Iâm⊠a lot younger than youâŠâ you mumbled, almost not wanting to say it in case he actually hadnât noticed that. âI know you think Iâm not very mature and stuff⊠but that shouldnât matter when you really love someoneââ
âWoah, hey,â he coughed, âlove? Sweetheart, youâve got a crushââ
âNo! Donât tell me how I feel,â you snapped, surprising both of you with your sudden ability to stand up to him. âYou can tell me what to do but not what to feel.â
âOkay,â he softened up, âfine. Thatâs fair. But itâll passââ
"I've never loved anybody before," you whimpered, "and I'm never gonna love anybody like I love you. I know that! I know you think I'm just a stupid kid who doesn't understand love, but I know that I really love you! Okay? So just⊠just stop talking! Doesnât need to take this long for you to reject me, geezâŠâ
There was a pregnant pause, you were too caught up in your own frustration to really notice it: the way he looked to the side, chewing on the inside of his cheek for a moment. You werenât expecting him to say anything after that, so it nearly startled you when he spoke. âIt was last night, after you left,â he explained. âIâ I thought about telling you to come back, figured youâd be safer on the couch than walking back across the city at that timeâŠâ
Wrapping your arms around your chest, you smiled a little imagining that, but you knew you couldnât have taken him up on that offer: it wouldâve killed you, trying to sleep on that sofa while Joel and Tess shared the bed.
âShe told me not to,â Joel continued. âThatâs⊠thatâs how it started, I guessâŠâ
âThat girlâs so obsessed with you,â Tess laughed lightly, toying with Joelâs lapel. âItâs cute, really. I mean, itâs sadâ but itâs cute.â
âHm,â Joel said first, not really listeningâ it took him a second to properly react. âWhy is it sad?â he asked when her words processed completely.
ââCause she thinks she might actually have a chance,â Tess explained.
That was it, what he did wrong; he sees it now, in retrospect, but at the time he figured saying nothing was his safest bet. Apparently, he didnât have to say anything.
âShit,â Tess said suddenly, moving instantly from shock to anger. âAre you fucking serious?â
âWhat?â Joel spat.
âYou know fucking what,â she returned sharply. âThat lookâ you looked away.â
âOkay? So?â Joel tried to defend himself, but he knew that she knew nowâ believe it or not, he really wasnât much of a liar. Especially with her.
âSheâs a goddamn fetus, Joel,â Tess reminded him. âShe hasnât seen a hundredth of the shit weâve seen, she hasnât lost anyoneââ
âLost her parents,â Joel corrected.
âWell, we all lose our parents,â Tess rolled her eyes, âthatâs part of life.â
Not the way she lost them, Joel wanted to add, but he was going back to his original plan of saying nothing.
âSheâs not like us,â Tess insisted.
âMaybe thatâs a good thing,â Joel decided.
That was the point of no return; because Tess had never thought of you as competition, she barely even thought of you at all, but if innocence was something he wanted⊠then the competition was already over before it even started. The silence was heavy, more sad than angry, and Joel knew he really fucked up because heâd never really seen Tess speechless before. Is it bad that he didnât regret it, though? Maybe he couldâve handled things better, but telling her the truth couldnât be wrong. Itâs not like heâd been hiding it, reallyâ he never even acknowledged it himself, not often.
âI canât believe you,â she shook her head, and shame twisted in his gut. âPart of me alwaysâ not always, I guess, but part of me wondered. Sometimes the way you looked at herâŠâ
As she trailed off, Joel looked down, too afraid for her to look in his eyes now.
âYouâd do anything to keep her safe,â she said instead of finishing that last thought. âI told myself you didnât look at me like that because you knew I could protect myself.â
âI do,â he promised.
âSo what do you want?â she asked point-blank. âSomething you can protect, or something you donât have to?â
âAnd what did you say?â you asked hurriedly.
âI told her what I wanted,â was all he replied, and your heart skipped. âAnd thatâs⊠thatâs why she left.â
Joel nodded slightly, looking away. But you reached out and touched his face, turning it back towards you. Impulsively, you leaned forward and kissed him; it took all the courage you had, and a hand on his shoulder for balance, but you felt him kiss you back after a moment. It was gentle, for how sudden it was, and you sighed as his hand moved higher up your leg. Â
You were still crying, because of course you were, but he didnât mind as much as youâd worried: he only wiped your tears away, holding onto your face, standing up and pulling you with him.
âI love you,â you whispered as he embraced you, wanting to say it a thousand times now that it wasnât the worst-kept secret in Boston. âI love you, Joelââ
âI know,â he promised, whispering back into the kiss which got deeper with each passing moment. âI know, darlinâ.â
That was enough for youâ that was plenty: the way he kissed you, and held you, calling you darlinâ in that rough-yet-gentle voice⊠you were weak already, melting into his touch, ready to give him anything.
In fact, he had to put a hand on your shoulder and gently push you away to get you to calm down, and your face heated up as you realized how eager youâd been. âDonât need to get so worked up, mâgonna take care of you now, okay?â
âYou always take care of me,â you noticed.
âA different way,â he explained.
Just the way those brown eyes darkened, just the way he said that made your thighs clench against each other. âY-youâll miss the meeting with the buyer,â you realized.
âFuck,â Joel grumbled, and you smiled a bit. âWaited this long and now Iâve gotta fuckinâ leave you again.â
Your hand rested on his chest, the soft flannel of his shirt transmitting some of the warmth of his body, and you looked up with him with wide, wet eyes.
âI know you hate waitinâ here, but⊠I always liked it,â he admitted, his voice softer yet deeper. âI always liked knowing you were here, waiting for meâŠâ
Your heart swelled. âY-yeahâ I didnât mind waiting for you so much,â you admitted in return, âjust didnât want you to think thatâs all I was good for.â
He kissed your temple, making your chest flood with warmth. âI know,â he promised. âYouâll be here when I get back, wonâtcha? Canât disappear on me now.â
âI wonât, Iâll be here,â you assured, turning your face to peck his cheek in return. It seemed to surprise him, like he hadnât had tenderness of that sort in a long time.
~
Funny how youâd waited for him all night before, but that half hour felt longer than all of them combined. You were quite sure you knew what he meant beforeâ about how he would take care of you in a different wayâ and it put you on edge all afternoon.
You couldnât stop thinking about the way heâd kissed you, about his hands pulling you closer. Or his eyes: if heâd ever looked at you like that before, you hadnât noticed (which was probably what he intended). Â
For how much time you spent wondering what you would do, what you would say, when he returned, you ended up not doing much of either: he was on you the moment he stepped in the door, though that was sort of what youâd been betting on when you decided to strip down to just your underwear and wait for him like that. Not that you minded the idea of him, you know, tearing your clothes off like one of those romance novelsâ you just didnât like the idea of having to wait any longer than you already had and this shirt had way too many buttons.
He did take a moment to stare you down when he came back, to appreciate your nakedness, and despite imagining showing yourself to him many times before, you felt a little self-conscious with his eyes just piercing through you like that: you didnât cover yourself, ignoring a slight instinct to do so, but you did wrap your arms over your stomach and cross your legs as you sat on his bed.
Waiting for him to say somethingâ or, possibly, waiting for yourself to find some courage to speakâ you were a little taken aback when he grabbed you and kissed you. And you realized, as his lips moved with yours even harder, deeper, needier than before, that there was nothing else to say.
He climbed on top of you on that bed, laid you down on it gently, as his weight pressed you down into the mattress. You could've sworn you heard him growl when he rocked his hips against yours, a firm bulge in his jeans pressing right up to where heat had gathered between your legs.
Fingers weaving in his hair, you hummed as you did all you could to keep him close, as if he might just disappear if you didnât hold him near to you. But he didnât seem like much of a flight risk, considering his tight grip on youâ so tight it could leave marks, which you hoped it would. You needed more than just memories of this.
âTell me this is what you want,â he demanded, his voice breathless yet somehow not weak at all. âNeed to know you want this.â
âFuck, Joel, fâcourse,â you promisedâ wasnât it obvious? It probably was. But you could understand if he was still fighting back some guilt; you just wanted to do everything you could to help him forget about that. âSo bad,â you continued, âfor so longâŠâ
âSince I saved you?â he assumed, his teeth grazing your lip like a threat to bite down harderâ a threat that made you throb from the inside out.
âBefore,â you admitted, smiling sheepishly. Â
âDidnât even know me before,â he noticed, raising an eyebrow.
âSaw you around sometimesââ god, am I blushing as hard as it feels like I am? â âthought maybe you could⊠you knowâŠâ
Protect me. Hold me. Take care of me. And fuck me like the world is ending even though it already did.
He smirked at you proudly, leaning in to kiss your neck this time, following some invisible trail that made you even more sensitive to the touch of his lips; after he kissed right under your ear, he whispered to you.
âThen just go ahead and take what you want, darlinâ.â
After a shiver ran over you, so strong you thought it might never end, your hands shot down between you so you could get to work on his belt and fly; you felt his smile against your skin, then his teeth a moment later, as his hand rubbed the curve of your waist gently.
Both of you gasped when your fingers wrapped gently around his cock, for different reasons. The skin was so smooth, it was hard to believe something this soft and silky was part of Joelâ and it was hot, or maybe your fingers were just cold, but you hoped that didn't bother him.
He was already starting to move his hips just a bit, rocking into your touch, and you hummed when he suddenly grabbed your hand to force it to press firmer against himself. "You thought about touchin' me like this before?" he asked in a voice that was breathy and lowâ you loved hearing the pleasure in his voice.
"Y-yeah," you admitted shyly; when he let your hand go, your touch wandered, your hands sliding up under the bottom of his shirt so you could feel the skin thereâ the firm muscle, the thin scars, the graying hairs that formed a trail down his stomachâŠ
Grabbing your wrists, he pinned them down above your head, and you let out a joyful whine. "Keep those there," he ordered, and you nodded as you watched him intently.
His hands traced down your body, making shivers run all over your skin; how could a man with so much strength touch you so delicately?
He purred as his fingers ran down to your panties, toying with the edge of the fabric before carefully pulling them down your legs. You tried not to wiggle too much, but your hips were desperate for some friction, for some attention from himâ they didn't have to wait long, though. He groaned at the sight as he parted your legs, grabbing himself to rub his fat head through your folds. "Fuck," he mumbled, your channel clenching on nothing as you saw how far apart his tip forced your swollen lips, "so wet for me already, bet I'll slide right inâŠ"
Your back arched with a moan just imagining that, and he pushed your stomach down flat with his free hand so you wouldn't angle too far away from him, laying his body atop yours. Though you tried to stay still, you couldnât stop shaking as he lined himself up; it felt surreal, it felt hyperrealâ his skin against yours was unlike anything you couldâve imagined.
Youâd sort of wondered if heâd say something before he put it in, maybe a quick you ready? or even here it comes which wouldâve been stupid but an appreciated warning nonetheless. Instead, he just looked at your face carefully, and pushed inside. It was sudden, sharp; your whole body tensed up and you sucked in a breath before biting your lip.
He only made it halfway in, struggling against how tight you were. You were doing everything you could not to give away your pain, but he must've seen it in your expression.
"What's wrong?" he asked in a hoarse whisper. "I'm hurting youâŠ"
"Noâ Joel, please don't stopâ"
You wrapped your legs around his hips to try to keep him inside, but he pulled out most of the way and looked downâ and you winced when he saw the blood. "Baby, you⊠are youâ is this yourâ? Fuck, why didn't you say something?"
"You wouldn't have done it with me if you knew it was my first time," you explained with a whimper.
"No, babyâ I just would've taken my time with you, s'all," he sighed, "would've helped youâ sweetie, it didn't need to hurt like thatâŠ"
Clutching tighter at his shirt, you pulled him down into a needy kiss. "Hurt me more, Joel," you pleaded into it with a breathy whisper, "do whatever you want to me. I'm yoursâ that's all I want, just to be yours."
He kissed you back, slow but passionate; but, much to your dismay, he pulled out and sat up.
"No, Joel, I'm sorry," you whined, "I'm sorryâ I didn't mean to lie, I'm so sorry, I promise I can be good! M'gonna be really good for you!"
But he just shook his head, and you bit your quivering lip as tears ran down your temples. He smiled, just a little. "Such a crybaby," he scolded you softly. "What am I gonna do with you, little girl? You can't even keep yourself together."
He leaned down again, but he slid his knees down on the bed so he could position his face between your legs. He kissed your inner thigh first, and you jumped because it tickled.
Then he held your hips, running his thumbs over your skin soothingly, and you tried not to squirm too much as he looked up at you with those dark eyesâ much darker than before. âYou want me to taste you?â he asked, like it was your idea or something.
âUh, yeah,â you mumbled sheepishly, and he actually laughed for a moment. Â
âYeah?â he repeated. âCould you be a little more specific?â
Ohâ he wants me to beg. âUmâ please? Taste me, JoelâŠâ
He smiled, but not like a haha funny smile or an oh thatâs nice smileâ a really dirty kind of smile, even though his teeth were actually in better condition than most out here. âOkay, baby,â he agreed.
He was subtle about it at first, just giving gentle kisses all around; you felt⊠exposed, even more than you had with his face between your legs before.
âIs that alright?â he asked, his voice rougher than the last time you heard it.
âY-yeah,â you choked, clearing your throat. âDonât⊠donât stop, pleaseâŠâ
When he got back to it, he was much more aggressiveâ long, slow licks between your lips, sloppy kisses with his eyes shut tight; and you whined as you held on tighter to the sheets. You didnât realize how hard you were shaking until his grip on your thighs was bruisingly tight. And as he held you down, he just dug in deeper: every time you thought heâd stop escalating the intensity of it all, he just did it moreâ he just did everything moreâ until you couldnât control your moans and gasps anymore.
His tongue was the fucking devil; he slid it inside you and your eyes rolled back. He sucked greedily on your clit until your hips bucked uncontrollably, moaning against your skin just enough that you could hear it over your own shameless cries.
"Joel, fuck, how are youâ? Oh godâ"
"Mm?" he encouraged you to finish your thought without breaking away from you.
"How does that feel so good?" you sobbed. "Oh my godâ please don't stop, never stop, oh fuck!"
All he was doing was flicking his tongue over your bud, such a small interaction with a tiny little organ, and your whole body was shaking. Reaching down and grabbing his hair, you didn't mean to tug on it so hard but you also didn't expect him to moan deeply when you did. Â
His mouth moved a little higher, focusing on the bud you were sure had never been this swollen or this sensitive. Doing so freed your opening, and one of his thick fingers prodded at it. "Please," you panted, wanting any part of him to be inside you again.
He pushed it in, the roughness of his skin creating the perfect friction on your delicate walls. You were waiting to feel his knuckle against you, but instead he only put it in maybe halfway, not very far at all. It didnât make much sense to you, until he started to rub one place just inside and a gasp instantly inflated your chest.
âOhââ you choked, and he was licking harder on your clit at the same time that he added a second finger; youâd never felt anything like it before. âJoel!â you squealed, hating how girlish it sounded but helpless to the control he had over your body with just two fingers and his tongue.
His rhythm wasnât all that fast but it was relentless, the exact tempo you needed for that pleasure to build and build, toes curling and vision getting all spottyâ you tried to look down at him sometimes, but your head wanted so badly to tilt back and let everything go black.
âIâ oh, fuckâ Iâm gonnaâ fuck, Joel!â you sobbed, grabbing on tighter to his hair; you took one glimpse at it, and when you saw the scattered silver hairs peeking out from between your fingers, it just made you even more overwhelmed.
He hummed and looked up at you, encouraging youâ his fingers pumped faster and faster suddenly, and when it hit, you felt like your whole body was going numb. It started where he was touching you, but then a moment later it was in your head, then it was just running all over and you were too weak to do anything but give into it.
Suddenly it became too much, and the hand that had been holding him down by his hair was suddenly pushing him away; you blinked away the spots in your vision to catch a glimpse of him with that beard soaked in you, but his fingers hadnât stopped yet. âOh⊠ohhh my godâŠâ you whined, breathing harder than you could ever remember breathing before, your head getting all dizzy and cloudy as he smirked up at you and continued fucking you with his hand.
Your hole was pulsing, flexing over and over, waves of slick leaking out until you could feel the puddle spreading under you. Your cheeks burned with humiliation, even though he kept praising you as his fingers milked everything from your swollen spot. "Good girl, good girl," he said over and over, "fuck, good job, soak the sheets, babyâ soak my fingers, keep goingâŠ"
"Joel," you sobbed, desperate for some relief from the overwhelming sensation. He didn't really stop, just slowed down a lot, but he kept twisting his fingers and rubbing that one place until your quivering body collapsed completely onto his mattress. And then he went on for just a little bit longer after that.
Then he stopped. When you thought you might fucking pass out.
He climbed up your body and brought his two soaked fingers to your slack lips. Â
"You want a taste, too, baby?" he purred.
You dutifully opened your mouth and did your best to clean his fingers off, sucking and licking as he hummed a bit; his eyes got a little darker as he felt your tongue run all over his rough fingers.
"What do you think?" he prompted when he pulled his fingers away, and you swallowed as you made a little face.
"I dunno if I like it," you admitted nervously. "Kinda sour."
"Really? I think your pussy's fuckin' delicious."
Your face flushed, but you didn't say anything else because he was reaching down to hold his cock againâ and your heart started racing.
"Ready to do this the right way?" he prompted, and you nodded eagerly. "S'gonna feel so much better, now you're all ready for me. Ready for something this big inside yaâ but it might still sting at first, okay? Just hold onto me tight."
That you did, tighter than you thought you couldâ apparently you were stronger than you realized, especially considering that orgasm nearly took you out a minute ago. But you had to hold on that tight as he began to push that fat head inside you, stretching you so wide before he'd even gotten the ridge of it past your opening. It didn't sting like before, or at least not as much, but it was still completely overwhelming. You forgot to breathe until he was halfway in: you gasped out his name, reminding yourself he was inside you and above you and everywhere, everything.
"See how muchâ fuckâ how much easier it is now?" he grunted, sliding into you slowly until his hips met yours. "See how you're takin' all'a me? God damn, still tight as hell, though."
You were delirious already, he hadn't even moved yet. You didn't think it could get much better than his mouth on you, than coming because of him, but this? This perfect stretch, this addictive friction, knowing he was completely inside you and that he liked how you felt? This was ecstasy, bliss. And he hadn't even fucking moved yet.
"Gonna have a hard time being gentle with you now," he admitted with a growl beside your ear. "You've got one of those perfect little pussies that just needs to be fucked hardâ suckin' me in, just beggin' for it rough and fast."
"Joel," you whined, "fuck me however you want, please⊠I can take it, I swear, I want you so badâŠ"
Still, when he moved, it was slow and patient. Too goddamn slow.
"Fuck," you sobbed, back arching up off the bed as he carefully savored every detail of you. "Fuck, Joel, I can'tâ I can't believe you'reâ I can't believe it's you. I wanted you so much I couldn't fucking breathe."
He smiled at you, and leaned in to kiss your neck; you let out what could only be described as a joyful whimper. âWanted you too,â he finally admitted. âTried not to, youâre so young⊠jusâ couldnât help it after a while.â
"Faster," you whined, "please, fuck, please pleaseâ"
"You are so goddamn spoiled, you know that?" Joel gruntedâ but then he did it, he fucked you even faster than you'd imagined. His thrusts were still deep and long, but they came at you quicker than you could process and you nearly screamed. Â
You were even more sensitive after heâd made you come the first time; it was just overwhelming, the feeling of him, and you felt like your mind had left your bodyâ like your mind had left you entirely.
âYâfeel fuckinâ perfect, darlinâ,â he praised lowly, kissing your neck with all the gentleness and patience his thrusts lacked. âSo good for me.â
Maybe it was pathetic, but being good for him felt fucking amazingâ not just physically, obviously. It felt like having a purpose; youâd never really felt that before.
You lost track of time; honestly, you lost track of everything. Everything that wasnât this had fallen away, and it was just you holding on for dear life as Joel wrecked you all over again with every motion. "Hear that? How wet you are for me?" he groaned, and yes, there was a squishy-wet sound that filled the room with each thrust. You tried to answer him, say something witty about how he made you that wet so many times, but only moans came when you opened your mouth. "I asked you a question," he reminded you. "Can you fuckin' hear it?"
Whimpering, you could only bite your lip and nod.
"Oh," he smiled, "I seeâ you get stupid with cock in you, huh? Get fucked right and that silly brain just turns off?"
You nodded againâ wasnât much else for you to do.
"Just gonna be a dumb whore for me now?" he asked. "Just kidding, I know you already were."
âFuckâ Joelââ you choked.
"No no, it's okayâ it's good,â he soothed you, kissing a tear from your temple that you hadnât even realized was there. âYou don't need to think. I don't need you to think. You can just be my fucktoy, okay? You can just be my slut. Say it."
"I-I'm your slut, JoelâŠ"
He hummed appreciatively; your moan caught in your throat, and you tried to hide your face in his shoulderâ you couldnât believe he was still dressed, for all you knew he still had his boots on, and meanwhile you were stripped of everything. Not just your clothes: you were stripped of all pretense (didnât need it) and dignity (didnât want it). Youâd thought of yourself as his for quite some time now, but now that heâd really made you his, it was more than you couldâve imagined.
When you came with him inside you, it wasnât like how it was beforeâ definitely similar, obviously the same thing at the core of it, but very different. Before it was so⊠sudden, like a firework going off and then glittering into darkness (at least, that was how you understood fireworks to be, youâd only ever had them explained to you). This was more like a deep pressure that just built and built and built, and then at some point youâd crossed that threshold and you were there but it didnât go away, it just stayed at the peak while he kept moving inside you.
He grunted as your walls beared down on him, watching the tears of ecstasy stream down your face. âTryinâ to milk my cock, huh?â he accused with a snarl to his tone. âSâthat what you want?â
You werenât really paying attention, you couldnât while he was fucking you like that. Digging your fingers into his shoulders through the flannel shirt, you just whimpered and nodded.
âSâworkinâ, baby,â he smiled, âlittle pussyâs got me so tightâ is it a little too much, honey? Youâre cryinâ...â
âIâ I always cry,â you sniffled.
âMânot gonna make you take too much more,â he promised, âdoinâ so good honeyâ gonna let you rest soonââ
âNo, d-donât stop,â you begged, and he laughed a little.
âIâm close,â he explained, and even though that shouldâve been obvious, it made you feel better. âNormally takes me a little longer, but⊠never had a pussy like this.â
That was probably just flattery, but you were happy to believe it. Happy enough to just lay back and let that pleasure wash over you, but of course, he expected more of you than that.
"Tell me where I can come," he ordered. Â
"Fuck, Joelâ anywhere you want, anywhere," you pleaded, struggling to keep your train of thought but desperate to appease him as best you could.
"Inside you?" he pressed.
"Yeah, fuck, anywhere," you insisted.
"I bet that's what you wantâ you want it inside. You want this cunt full and dripping."
âFuckâ yeah,â you agreed, âsâwhat I wantâ please, pleaseââ
âShh, donât need to beg,â he assured sweetly, kissing your neck againâ burying his face in the crook of your shoulder, until his panting breaths echoed on your skin. âDonât need to beg, darlinâ, gonna fill you nice and deepââ
âPlease,â you said again, ignoring his assurances.
âJust like you need itââ
âPlease, Joelâ love you so much,â you sobbed, your thighs starting to go a little numb where his jeans were rubbing against them and your clit getting sore from the way he stayed deep inside and grinded himself against you.
âI know,â he promised again, âjusâ say it one more time.â
âI love you, Joel,â you cried, and it was over somewhat suddenly: he stayed still, and you could feel his grip on you tighten, and you heard that sound that was like a groan and a sigh at the same time. Youâd hoped youâd be able to really feel it inside you, the warmth of his come, but everything was so hot that it was all the sameâ what you did feel was full, even more than you had just from his cock in you, and it was enough to make you clutch at his shoulders again despite having almost no energy left in you.
Though he stayed inside for a little while after, he did eventually have to pull out; you were too exhausted to even think about trying to close your legs when he stared down at youâ at his come leaking slowly from your hole.
You knew there would need to be a conversation soon about what this all meantâ what should happen now with the business, with your relationship, even just what should happen tomorrow morning since youâd both given in to instinct rather than take the safer route and have Joel pull outâŠ
But that would have to wait; you still couldnât think straight, you couldnât think about anything but him in fact.
Thankfully, Joel was just fine with the silence. He just held you, let you wander between sleep and wakefulness, and wiped that last stray tear away from your face.
âIâm sorry I keep crying,â you offered quietly, breaking a long silence.
âI donât mind,â he promised.
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