#she still feels a bit melancholic for some reason. she wonders if she could go out with girls with this look

[sequoiareachesforthesky]

Milgram fic idea: the prisoners are bored (as they always are) and they've already celebrated every holiday imaginable. So someone suggests doing a cross-dressing event for a change. Mahiru, Mikoto and Muu help everyone find the perfect fit (Mahiru sews half the clothes herself to make it look perfect).

A bunch of gender crisis ensue.

[lullaebies]

Request: Aegon really trying to get along or at least be in good terms with Jaehaera but she's still grieving for Jaehaerys and her mother too much (and the years don't seem to ease the pain) that she can't fully accept him yet

a/n: ok so this ended up a bit longer that i expected! i was trying hard to think how to go about this. hopefully this will read well <3 tomorrow i will continue with the rest of the reqs sent!

He sits quietly by his wife during the feast, their lips both red with the dark of wine.

It is a celebratory night, The Feast of The Father Above demanding grandness, lest the septons decide it a fair night to accuse the Crown of not being pious enough. It mattered little to Aegon, but it mattered to his subjects; meaning he had little ways to object.

The septons say this holy day to commemorate the Father is a day of just rulings, a day of auspicious decisions. Perhaps if he had been more pious he would’ve trusted his judgement auspicious enough to shut their mouth with some coin and tell them to celebrate down their streets instead of his halls, but alas. 

He looks at Jaehaera. As of two days prior, she is six and ten. The spring of youth, if one is to go by how the singers describe maidens of similar ages. Girls that age absorb the sun and hold its beam in their smiles, warming the room around them in cheer and dance. 

You wouldn’t be able to tell so, with his wife. She looks a painted doll, with an even line to her red lips that refuses to bend. Jaehaera doesn’t celebrate her nameday; when it comes, she usually refuses to leave her rooms for days after. Her ladies-in-waiting had once tried to prepare her a surprise, and in return, she had raged.

The court never quite understood her. He still remembers Myrielle Peake weeping at Jaehaera banishing her from her rooms. Her father never quieted about it since, he thinks grumpily. But when he was told of this great injustice the Queen has inflicted on her well-meaning ladies, he had to hold himself from laughing at the complainers in their face.

As if she would like to celebrate the day she remembered her own twin is lost to the afterlife, while she is lost here. 

He dismissed the complaints with some platitudes. He had felt similar enough when his regents assumed him to be ever thankful for them sitting him on the Throne, as if the death of his mother and older brothers hadn’t been the sole reason a crown is on his head. Let us celebrate your coronation and our hard work, your Grace, the dimwits had said. It is a joyful occasion. 

They wouldn’t know how to make him joyful if they tried, and his wife even more so. 

Yet still, there is a pang in him, seeing her so muted. There are rare days, where they align in their routes, and her words are reminiscent of his. Where they walk down the same route silently and it feels more natural than the forced conversations he is met with from anybody else. She always scurries away after, avoids him after, but...

She is his wife, and as much as they were sewn together, they are of similar enough cloth. Smiling like the sun is not something he’d expect of her, but he doesn’t wish she’d never at least feel its rays. 

He may have drank too much today. Her wintry form had been much on his mind. He supposes he finds ways to be melancholic no matter what, but he looks at her and sees himself, from a long while back; from before Viserys came back, before he could hold onto his sisters again to cry.

The dance floor had been filled with duos dancing to string instruments gracefully. It is not something he does often, but had seen her dancing before. As a child, granted, before it all, but she had seemed happy to do so before. And who would ask her to dance again, but her husband?

“Jaehaera,” he mumbles her name before he can regret it. She turns to him, heavy brows lifting in wonder. “Should we dance too?”

It should help, in more ways than one. Seeing them being amiable would calm the many lords here, he thinks. Or spring some hope to their souls, or more importantly, some respect for Jaehaera’s being. Wouldn’t that help, having the world know she is no jilted girl? It would do her good. It would do them good. 

He never wanted a divide between them to haunt them. They have enough things haunting them. Is this a good decision? He knows not, but The Father may as well sanction it auspicious, after all the hard work put into this damn feast.

Jaehaera’s tentative fingers fiddle with her wine cup. She puts it down softly. “If his Grace should like that,” she answers, building her wall from him again as her eyes shy away from direct eye contact. The rings on her fingers drag across the marble table, clinging to the cold of stone as they approach him. 

Aegon notes her offering. He doesn’t quite like that it's simply complacency, but then again, he had been simply complacent when everyone else goaded him to do anything, even if he did find enjoyment in it in the end. And if she doesn’t find enjoyment in it, at least she would have a spring in her step for the singers to sing about, and mayhaps that will soothe her.

He reaches for her offered hand, picking it up gently from the fingers. The table, her rings, they’re cold, but her bony fingers are warm. It is almost surprising, with how distant she seems at the moment. They rise from their chairs to the surprise of the people around their table. Viserys looks at him crookedly, but he pays it no mind - Jaehaera seems to go along with him well.

His thumbs fiddle with her knuckles nervously as he attempts a squeeze of reassurance. He truly doesn’t dance often; Baela sometimes forces him and he looks a fool, Rhaena sometimes does so too and becomes his harsh, smiling critic. He shouldn’t be able to reassure his wife in regards to dancing, he has little talent in his lanky limbs, but he has to try, he thinks.

A spot is cleared for them in the center of the floor. She thanks the lord and ladies who move in a mannerly way while he simply nods. The musicians switch a song, and he vaguely remembers the form for it, reaching for Jaehaera’s waist. After confirming from those nearby he remembered correctly, of course. 

As for Jaehaera, the form they should be in dawns on her quickly, and her fingers curl over the peak of his shoulder easily. She looks at their feet when the song begins. He does too, to see his are well placed. He wants to brighten this night some, but he doesn’t want to look like an oaf doing so.

Despite that, however, he can’t imagine he doesn’t look like one. He is unsurprisingly rusty, and the length of his limbs lend to a taut gait and especially dance. Jaehaera is surprisingly fluid in her movements, on the other hand. He nearly steps on her foot once, but she evades it simply. “Sorry,” he whispers. 

When he hears a soft snort coming for her, he almost thinks it had been for the better.

She is not without faults — she does step on his foot. He huffs at her in some vindication he is not the only one with two left feet. She finally lifts her eyes to him, supposedly to apologize too, but then the dance calls for her twirl. She holds his elevated hand throughout it. He does notice a hint of a crinkle to her eyes, and he even meets it with his own one.

When he stops her, hand finding her waist again to hold her in a secure manner, he thinks he shook off that rustiness. But then Jaehaera’s eyes land on him in a strange gaze, and her limbs suddenly feel tense.

Jaehaera swallows, and looks down again, her grip on his shoulder digging into his bone. “I think…” she stops them from moving. “I feel ill,” she says abruptly. “I think I should retire for this night, Your Grace.”

He blinks at her. He is not convinced; her face only gained some warmth to it as they danced. Still, he draws her away from the dance floor to its side, knowing here too, there is little to object to. She feels all too rigid in his hold, and something had her gaze become cloudy.

Most of the room seemed to cheer at them joining the dance floor, so that couldn’t be it. The taste on his tongue is sour, feeling somewhat jilted himself. Perhaps because he himself hadn’t hated the dance all that much. He offered this for her and still… Fine.

“Then go rest,” he allows, trying to keep the bitterness behind lock and key. She says her farewell to some key courtiers and leaves, quickly disappearing to the dark, gloomy parts of the castle. 

For a while, he returns to his spot at the table. When they strike a conversation, they ask of the Queen; some of them deem her rude for her abrupt departure. He finds their voices offensive, for he would rather like to retire to his apartments himself at the moment.

“‘Tis a holy day, for us all. Ill or not, even a Queen must be respectful—” Lord Peake grumbles by his ear, and he wonders why he hadn’t let him go ages ago.

Irritated, he decides that it wasn’t quite fair for her to leave him this way. Especially with everyone around looking at him like this in pitiful wonder. And with these halfwits, surrounding him around the table and offering their daughters as dance partners instead.

“Pay my respects to The Father and preside over the rest of the feast, Lord Peake,” he says, and comes up again from his place. “I should see how the Queen fares.”

He gets up and walks in long strides out to the dark, gloomy hallways himself.

—

As he approaches Jaehaera’s apartments, he finds himself hesitating to actually come in. 

His wife hasn’t asked for any kindness, even if he had attempted to offer it. He does think the wine had made him rather rash if not overtly sentimental; he wouldn’t have asked her to dance in the first place without it, and he certainly wouldn't have come by her door.

The Father Above might be laughing at him from the dark skies. Auspicious decisions, my arse. 

And he is about to turn on his heel, when he hears a sob from the inside of her room. 

He reaches for the knob of the door and twists it open. 

Jaehaera is by the window, too close to the damn window, the dying light of the fireplace showing bloodshot eyes and tears trailing down her rounded cheeks. She is frantic in her movements until she stops in place when she sees him, holding a quivering lip from saying a thing. 

“Why are you…?” he tries to ask, but some anxiety spikes in him and he can’t find a way to articulate himself. 

“Your Grace, please leave,” she manages out of her system. That lights a visceral feeling of rage within him. 

“You will not order me to leave,” he says plainly. Your Grace, your Grace, she tells him the entire day, but she won’t force that distance upon him when he plainly sees there is something foul at play. “I don’t know what I have done, but I did not mean harm to you and you know this.”

“I know,” she answers, the glisten on her lash line more noticeable. She’s shaking like a leaf; what has rattled her so? “But you more than all know that matters little.”

Fuck. He had been irritated, but now he is properly upset. All had been well, what has he done wrong? 

“If you tell me what it is I can fix it,” he says. It is the wrong choice; she turns to look at him with a sharper gaze, even with her tears. 

“I used to dance to that song with Jaehaerys,” she says, and Aegon already understands he has lost here. Of course, the times he remembered her dance as a child, it had been with her brother. “Mother taught us the steps. It was her favourite. Jaehaerys was determined to learn it well, even though I always had to escape his clumsy steps. He wanted to show mother he listened to her.” 

She wipes her cheeks with her hands, holding herself. 

“We never had the chance to complete the dance without missteps.”

Aegon shuts his eyes. “If I had known I wouldn’t have…” he begins. What is the point in saying what she knows already? “I’m sorry. I thought it would make you happy.”

He foolishly assumed he would know any better than anyone else in the Keep how to do so. They are adjacent to one another in pain when the court already assumes it knows everything about them. And he thinks, there had always been some truce between them, in regards to that — perhaps that had all been in his head, too.

That dance felt like a moment of peace to him. He wanted it to be a moment of peace for her, too, for them all. He is so tired of fighting and guarding his own self; he simply wants to relent to the calm that he feels could exist between them.

Jaehaera’s hand reaches for the seven-starred necklace upon her, swallowing. “It had, for a moment,” she sniffles, shame in her voice. “It made me happy. But my brother can’t be, and my mother can’t see it, and I…”

That he does know, the guilt of being alive. The guilt of continuing on despite having the world shattered, despite witnessing so much death. And Viserys returned from the dead, and when he confessed it all, his brother had told him simply one thing.

“You’re not at fault for that.”

And if Jaehaera has resentment on her tongue, any hatred she wants to spit out about those who were at fault — she doesn’t say it. Simply looks at him with guarded eyes, keeping her distance. 

He can’t ask her to close it, just for the sake of his own peace. He wouldn’t ask her to, either. The ghosts that plague her on her namedays, day to day, they are there, he knows what they whisper — plenty had whispered to him day to day.

“You need not to dance, but you need not hide what plagues you, and what would make you at ease,” he says. “Her Grace the Queen has her voice in court, and if she’d like it, the King’s ear.”

Jaehaera looks at the floor, as she does, and let all the tears that had been unshed out. She needn’t close the distance, but she does need to know she can, if she’d like. He lets her sob until she tires herself out, helping her to the bed and tucks her in. 

Even if winter plagues them, forever piercing cold, as long as her skin is warm on this earth, she should have her own dream of spring. 

If one day she should choose it, he’d be willing to help her find it.

[yoonpobs]

hello 😊

may I request a drabble with jungkook and seokjin and reader with some angst and a bit of smut.. seokjin is her boyfriend and jungkook is jin's best friend and also a close friend of hers his also in love with her and he doesn't hid the fact that he has feelings for her so when y/n and seokjin get into a fight he seeing it as an opportunity to finally see if she wants to be with him

I hope that makes sense

thank you ❤️

pairing: fwb!seokjin x oc, roommate!jungkook x oc

genre: smut, angst

warnings: toxic/unhealthy fwb relationships, jin is a douche, jk is mean, oc needs a break

words: 2, 775

note: WHY DO I ALWAYS GIVE MY OCS A HARD TIME IM SORRY & i took a bit of a turn w this request so i apologise for any inaccuracies 😢

There is a way that Seokjin treats you in bed that makes you feel whole yet like you’re losing bits and pieces of yourself to him every time. He’s never selfish—God no. He was generous to you, much more generous than real lovers you had in the past that you shared kisses that were full of passion between the sheets. The passion you felt with Seokjin was undeniable and almost painful. You hated the word almost, it was like wasted potential on a possibility that could’ve come true but fell too short to be real. And every time you thought of that word you thought of Seokjin.

He was there. He always was. That was the conflicting part. Between always and almost, he was always with you but never almost in love with you the way you were with him. It was pathetic, really. How a woman held such high regard for turned into someone unrecognisable between the sheets and a few kisses from a man who didn’t even love her back. You swore to yourself you’d never let this happen. But here it was—happening.

He fucks into you at a brutal pace that could almost cloud your stressful thoughts. He never misses, his hips angled upwards to hit you in places that only lovers should feel. You moan, scream and cry—for reasons more than how good he makes you feel.

“Ffffffuck, J-Jin!” Your head is pressed against the mattress but you can still see your delirious expression through the mirror in front of your bed. He looks angelic with the way his forehead scrunches in utmost concentration in making you feel good, but the way he snaps his hips harder into your own was demonic. He usually left bruises and it felt nice to have the remainder of what he did to you—but stung at the same time with the way that he marked you as if you were his.

You weren’t.

“Like that, angel?” He leans down to whisper against your cheek and all you can muster is the blubber of a response.

The grip on your hips is rough, but you like it that way. He slips a hand in between your spread legs and rubs your clit in figure-eights that has you whining at a decibel louder than the ones before. Jin notices this and starts fucking into you faster if that was even humanely possible.

“Look at you—so fucked out. You’re mine to ruin, right?”  He taunts you, dragging a hand up your body with the wetness as the answer to his question. He tugs on your chin to direct your face to look at your reflection clearly, and you see your lips swollen, eyes blown out and hair tousled.

“Y-Yes—fuck—yours, J-Jin!” You’re panting, and you feel your coil unravel at a rapid pace, and Jin groans from behind you when he feels your cunt spasm around his cock ferociously.

“If you’re mine then don’t cum just yet,” He sounds too collected for a man who’s been fucking his cock deep into you for the past hour, but you could never read Seokjin. Even when you had his dick all the way down your throat, the most you’d get is a groan—and that was more than you could ever muster up from him.

“Jin—Jin—p-ple-please! I need to—ah—cum—!” Your words were cut short when he reached his hand around your throat to squeeze it softly. But you moan louder, and your pussy responds by getting tighter around his cock.

He chuckles in a low timbre from behind you, hips slightly stuttering—and you know this is a sign of his release coming soon—and you push your hips back to meet his pace, causing him to hiss at the sudden action.

Jin stares at you from the mirror for the night, and you release he always has a similar expression when he’s approaching his high. Something cold, detached yet melancholic. You could never read him enough, because by the time you think you’ve got an answer—he demands.

“Cum.”

And you do. Hard. Spots of white taint your vision like an angel trying to cleanse you from your sins. But the way you blackout for a second shows you no mercy and reminds you that Jin was the devil and you were his plaything.

“Ffffffff—” You can barely breathe. But it’s a pleasurable feeling—the only thing suffocating is the aftermath. When he leaves, barely sparing you another glance.

And you feel him cum with you, deep spurts of white painting your pussy as you feel full of him. Like he’s here to stay. He pushes you back onto him and revels in your limp body. You allow him.

When he pulls out, you’re exhausted. And you can tell he is, too. He’s heaving, and he helps you onto your back by placing a pillow under your back and head. He’s caring, but only out of decency, not commitment. You’re tired too, but it’s the type of tired that settles into your bones. The tired you only feel after sex with Seokjin because you know you’re sleeping alone.

He’s meticulous and quick, just like he always is. It’s the same routine that you’re unfortunately intimate with. He searches for his pants, slips on his shirt and grabs his keys and wallet. They’re always on your desk; never anywhere else because that implies that the routine was breaking. Jin would never break that—not with you, at least.

“Won’t you stay?”

Your voice is soft as it breaks through the atmosphere. You seem to catch him off guard for a moment but he’s tedious at not showing anything more than he needs to. He casts you a glance over his shoulders and you feel oddly vulnerable with your naked body, a blanket draped over your curves in a way that should be enticing. But you knew it wasn’t—because he only wanted you in the heat of the moment and every second after that is a reminder of who you were.

“Since when did we do that?” He snorts, quickly carding a hand through his hair while he checks his appearance.

And as always, he looks kept together while you were left ruined at the expense of his hands.

“We don’t,” you say softly, “I just thought …” your voice wavers when he raises a brow at you, causing you to hesitate in your words but you’re oddly determined today. Maybe you’re tired of the heartache, “It’s late.”

He looks at you for a long second before rolling his eyes and stalking you. Your heart clenches in expectation, but all Jin does is reach a hand around your chin when he leans down to bring your face inches away from his. Your eyes are hopeful when you look into his. The gentle orbs that peer back could fool anyone into thinking that he was tender and loving—but you’ve never seen that side of him. You only saw him when he was overtaken by desire, hard and tall when he fucks into you like a rag doll while he smirks at your slacked body.

“That’s cute,” he grins widely as your breath hitches, “But that’s not what we do, sweetheart.”

The term of endearment is anything but endearing. It’s mocking and it hurts.

“I …” You croak.

Then he releases you, finger lightly pushing your chin so that you’d fall back onto your palms. He checks his phone with a casual grin, likely being called over to another party—or anywhere else that wasn’t your home. Your heart shatters all over again, but you’re used to it. The glass that scrapes your skin is stained with blood but you’re a sucker for the pain.

“I’ll call you,” is all that he leaves you with before he’s helping himself out of your room, leaving the door open in his way. He doesn’t care for formalities, not even when you see him bump into your roommate on the way out. He gives a wave of acknowledgement, but nothing else—because who would introduce their fuck-buddy to their roommate?

But Jungkook knew. Of course, he did. You weren’t subtly because you hoped if someone knew then it’d be a little more real for you to hold onto. That ugly seedling of hope that blooms in your chest every time Jungkook would catch a glimpse of Jin leaving your room makes you wonder what it’d feel like if you could have him over for dinners, for movie nights—for it all.

But you can only do that; wonder.

The door creaks ever so slightly and only do you realise that the tears return. You automatically know who it is, because it’s the same routine. It’s the same song that you hear each time he comes over and it’s on an unhealthy loop of replays when you feel your bed dip.

“Why do you do this to yourself?” Jungkook whispers.

You don’t care that you’re bare. Jungkook’s seen you in worse states. Drunk off your mind, on the verge of collapse when you’d hope the alcohol would take the pain away. He’s a good roommate—but he really needs to mind his own business.

“Stop.”

“He’s a fucking asshole,” he sneers, grabbing your arm so that you’d look at him.

He hates that your eyes are red, and he hates that the bruises on your neck and chest match. The room smells heady of sex, and Jungkook has to endure the same pain you feel but tenfold when he watches your lips wobble the longer he stares.

“I love him, Jungkook.” You sob, leaning into his chest when he sighs for the umpteenth time, hearing the same thing leave your lips. It never got easier.

“He doesn’t deserve you,” Jungkook spits, the thought of Jin returning only making his fists ball tighter when they rest around your bare shoulders, “Stop this. Stop going back to him.”

“Why doesn’t he want me?” You cry, hot tears wetting the fabric of Jungkook’s shirt.

“Why do you want him?” Jungkook returns, voice raising when he pulls back.

His eyes are blazing, the anger in his chest is only exponentially increasing the more he sees you heave. The tears that leave your eyes makes his heart clench and makes him want to chase that son of a bitch down and make sure he’d never see you again. But Jungkook finds himself staying still because you were here. In his arms—even if it you weren’t his.

But he’s still angry, and his mouth runs hotter than ever.

“Why do you keep doing this to yourself, huh?” Jungkook grabs your shoulders, forcing you to stare at him with swollen eyes, “You know he’s just using you! All he does is fuck you and leave. He doesn’t love you—and he will never love you so stop doing this to yourself and leave him before you continue hurting yourself like this!”

“Fuck you,” you spit through the tears.

“Because I’m telling you the truth?” He sneers, “Because I’m telling you things that you already know but are too damn scared to do?”

“Shut the fuck up, Jungkook!” You scream, pushing at his chest. But he grabs your wrist and levels you with a menacing stare while his own chest rises and falls with every breath of air he takes.

Your anger is muffled by your tears, and it’s a mixture of pain and rage when you peer at him. Jungkook’s so tired. He’s tired of feeling this way—of seeing you destroy yourself when you deserved more than anything anyone could ever offer.

“No,” Jungkook deadpans, “You’re going to listen to me and you’re doing this now.”

“I’m not doing anything! So let—me—go—!” You thrash in his hold, but Jungkook only tightens his grip around your wrists in a warning.

“Delete his number.”

“I can’t do that,” you say weakly.

“You can and you fucking will,” Jungkook says vehemently.

And as a point, he reaches for your phone that rests on your nightstand; and before you can process what he’s doing—he’s thumbing through your contacts and hovering over the one person you always seem to go back to.

“Jungkook, no—!”

But the damage is done, and Jungkook presses delete. For some reason, you feel absolutely nothing. But you’re angry, you’re angry because Jungkook’s always the person you see when it hurts the most and even through his words—all you want to do is scream.

“I hate you so much!” You scream.

Jungkook chuckles, dark and humourless as he runs his fingers through his hair. He stares to the side, jaw clenching in annoyance when you continue to cry and sob. He wanted to tell you to shut up—to stop crying over someone who’s probably already fucking the next breathing thing in his direction. But he doesn’t, because Jungkook’s impulsive. More so than he’d like.

“Yeah?” Jungkook scoffs, “You hate me? The person who’s trying his best to protect you?”

“You’re not protecting me!” You snap.

He ignores your indignant tone before levelling you with a blank stare that intimidates you more than you’ve ever been of Jungkook. He’s fuming, but it’s a calm before the storm that rattles your heartbeat against your chest. He looks livid.

“You hate me and love that fucking idiot?” He snarls, inching closer as you back away.

The growl in Jungkook’s chest is unheard of because more often than not he was level-headed. An annoying prick but calm and collected at most. This is the first time you’ve seen Jungkook look anything less than composed—and it was because of you.

“I can’t—I can’t control my feelings,” you say sourly.

He snorts, fully sarcastic and intentionally mocking when he looks at you with a hooded gaze.

“Isn’t that the fucking truth.”

“What the hell are you saying,” you narrow your eyes at him.

Oddly, you’re having this conversation when your tits are out—and only then do you consciously wrap your arms around your chest. His eyes immediately dart down to your subtle action and he rolls his eyes. You want to cuss him out, but Jungkook laughs. He laughs as if there was something funny—and you’re left even more confused.

“I’m saying that I fucking hate you,” he spits, face inching immensely closer as your eyes widen at his venomous tone.

“What—?”

“I hate you so much because you’re acting like an idiot chasing after someone who doesn’t give two shits about you.”

Your eyes well up with more tears as his words of bullets ricochet off your ears and settling deep in your heart. The harsh reminder makes your lips wobble and shoulders shake, but Jungkook doesn’t care.

“I hate you because you do this to yourself when you deserve so much more than what that prick can offer,” Jungkook says vehemently, hand wrapping around your chin to force your face to look at him.

Even now, when your eyes are puffy and red-rimmed, you look devastatingly beautiful.

“I hate you because I’ve been here this entire time and all you do is look for him,” Jungkook says softly, but his tone is still harsh, a sharp breath that erupts in his chest as well as yours as your eyes widen.

“Jungkook—”

“I’ve been here,” he croaks, and when you look into his eyes only do you see the pain, “I hate you so much because all I can do is love you.”

Your eyes widen as you gape at him, and you’re taking seconds too long to respond but your brain is processing the turn in events. But when you realise what he says, Jungkook’s pulling away. His hands retract themselves as if he’s been burnt and you were the flame responsible for it.

“Jungkook, wait—” you reach out. You were so confused, but you didn’t like the fact that he was leaving too.

“Don’t,” his eyes flutter shut in defeat, lips pursed, “Don’t touch me right now.”

Your face crumbles as you tug the blanket around your body until you’re resting on your knees and searching for his face.

“Can we talk—?”

“No,” he glares at you, and somehow—the look he gives you is far more painful than every moment Jin has ever walked out on you. Jungkook delivers the final blow when he snatches his hand away from yours completely.

“Figure your shit out because I’m done.”

And like always, you were left alone in your room—with more to think about than ever.

[mimzy-writing-online]

Hello. I had a question regarding your post about blind characters. I have a character in my WIP that must cover their eyes.. but it’s blind. He may need to tell people he is blind to explain why he covers his eyes though. I was wondering how I might write this character without offending. Thank you :)

I think I want to start by explaining the “covering blind eyes” trope and why it has become a harmful trope. I think understanding why it’s hurtful helps everyone learn how to handle it better.

I would guess that the “blind people wear sunglasses” trope comes from Hollywood for the specific reason of 1. wanting to signal to the audience that the character is obviously blind and 2. avoid breaking the suspension of disbelief by preventing the audience from catching the sighted actor look at visual stimuli (because disabled characters are almost always played by able actors).

But this changed the way the public expects to experience blindness. If watching a sighted actor wear sunglasses and say he’s blind is all the exposure to the blind community a person has had, that’s the only model of blindness they’ll recognize. If they meet a blind person in real life who doesn’t wear sunglasses, it’s going to break this built perception and cause an uncomfortable cognitive dissonance. 

And then there is the common “cloudy-white blank gaze” that pops up in media. It stems from the fact that cataracts is the most common cause of blindness and the appearance of severe cataracts is a cloudy film in the eyes obscuring the iris and pupil. It can also alter what color a person’s eyes appears to be, making them appear paler and grey in the beginning and then as the cataract advances it becomes more yellow/brown and alters a person’s vision to appear more yellow tinted.

There are lots of other eye conditions that makes the eyes look visibly different. Albinism for instance affects the color and structure of the iris. Eyes might be congenitally misshapen. The muscles might be weak or not work and one or both eyes point significantly outward. Someone who was born blind and experienced no visual stimuli might also have weak muscles around their eyes because they never had a reason to focus their eyes on anything.

And unfortunately humans have the habit of feeling uncomfortable when they meet someone who looks very obviously different from the norm, whether that’s a personal style choice (hair color and style, tattoos, clothing choices) or something they can’t help (a visible disability, skin color, scars). 

To the paragraph above, @gothhabiba replied with:  “it's very weird & ahistorical to claim that racism or ableism are some kind of natural "human" trait.. like frankly it's apologia”

You’re right, I wasn’t thinking beyond that generalization or assumption.

Perhaps a better way to put it is: I was raised in a society where I was taught from childhood to think that there was only one kind of human being to be. White, cis, straight, abled, conservative. That’s a very western thing and that’s a thing I’m going to constantly be unlearning.

Racism and ableism and homophobia aren’t innate, that’s a western thing that was forced onto the rest of the world by colonialism. And because western media created this idea that the world is white, abled, cis, straight, and Christian-value leaning, it taught people to think that was the norm so that seeing someone different from that archetype would cause a cognitive dissonance, which causes discomfort.

And instead of working past that cognitive dissonance to learn more and realize there’s so much more to life than media taught you, society encourages you to ignore that cognitive dissonance by sticking your head in the sand-- or TV screen.

So combine these two tropes or common beliefs together and you get something a little dangerous: the idea that blind people cover their eyes because they look obviously different and they’re ashamed (or should be ashamed) of that.

And if you’re someone who’s just gone blind or who was born blind and you have little to no contact with the blind community, then this societal belief that you should be ashamed of how your eyes look becomes detrimental to your self-esteem and further builds internalized ableism.

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve read or watched a blind character cover their eyes with sunglasses because they were ashamed of how their eyes looked. And I distinctly remember a few times where a sighted friend of the character was trying to convince them to stop wearing sunglasses because there’s nothing wrong with looking different--which is true, but it plays into this fantasy of being the perfect abled ally who saves the blind character from being miserable. 

In an ideal world, the character has no reason to believe looking different is a bad thing or diminishes their worth or makes people dislike them. And if they develop this belief, it’s more likely that someone more involved in the disabled community, most likely someone disabled themselves, will set them straight. Or that the character will learn to accept themselves on their own, looks included.

But there are some perfectly valid reasons for any blind person to wear sunglasses. They might have an interest in fashion and sunglasses complete the look they’re going for. They could want to protect their eyes from UV rays while they’re outside. They may experience light sensitivity and sunglasses reduces any discomfort or pain. Those are incredibly common reasons to wear sunglasses whether you’re sighted or blind.

But there are some more complicated situations.

In your words, your character must cover his eyes. You never specified why, so my primary guess is that he has some kind of power that is unpleasant or has devastating affects and the only way to prevent it is to keep his eyes covered. My primary guess stems from this post where an anon and I discussed a retelling of Medusa, a hypothetical blinding of oneself to avoid ever killing anyone ever again, and what I think I would do if I was in that scenario.

So how do you write a blind character who must cover their eyes and avoid some of the complications?

1. Your character must always have the ability to say “fuck off, it’s my business, I don’t have to tell you why I’m blind or why I cover my eyes.”

Most blind people really, really don’t want to get into the nitty-gritty of why they’re blind and how they feel about it and what it’s like being blind with a stranger they’ll never see again or a new acquaintance they don’t know well yet. You have exceptions to that rule where sure, educating the public about blindness is a thing you want to do and you’re committed to helping your community, but I still have days where I don’t want to talk about being blind or disclose my medical crap.

And if someone doesn’t respect their right to their privacy or pushes too much, the blind character is allowed to be angry, is allowed to tell them off and complain without anyone else in the situation vilifying them or saying they’re “overreacting” and “should have just disclosed private information because big deal or whatever.” If they are angry, that’s their right, and it’s not unreasonable, it doesn’t make them a bad person.

2. Your character should not be ashamed of being blind or of covering their eyes. It is a part of their life, they’re used to it by now, even if they weren’t in the beginning.

The shame and internalized ableism is something that should be written about, but that’s for an own-voices story with a blind author. I don’t think an abled person will ever be able to understand how much society expects you to hate yourself and your disability because “being disabled is a tragic thing that ruins your life” and how that does affect your mental health, self esteem, your relationships with others, your medical care, and what kind of accommodations you can get.

3. It wouldn’t hurt to have a few sarcastic lines in response to uncomfortable conversations.

Stranger: so what’s with the...

Blind Character: what’s with what?

S: the... you know

BC: you’re gonna have to be a bit more specific

S: Your eyes?

BC: They’re... eyes

S: but you’re...

BC: Blind?

S: uh...

BC: yeah, I’m blind. *walks away*

Or this conversation:

S: *to some other character* so why are his eyes covered?

(author’s note: which, honestly, that’s fucking rude. At least have the guts to ask me yourself)

BC: If I look anyone in the eye they instantly perish.

*awkward silence*

BC: instantly.

Friend: It’s truly tragic

BC: *melancholic* that’s how I lost my sister. *chokes up* She was so young

Or this conversation:

S: Why are you wearing that?

BC: It’s called fashion Karen!

Or this conversation:

S: are you like... blind?

BC: yes?? why wouldn’t I be?? Wait, are you sighted? Are you one of those sighted people? You poor thing! What caused you to gain your sight? Do you have a car? A bike? Were you born sighted? What’s it like to see color? Do you miss not having to see 

God, I want a chance to try that last one. I haven’t interacted with a stranger in almost a year. One day...

4. Honestly, it’d also be cool if someone’s reaction to your character covering their eyes was like, “cool sunglasses,” or “cool *insert random character, even one you made up* cosplay,” (which is ten times funnier if this character is a notable figure in modern society like an actor who people might cosplay). 

5. You know, if he’s covering his eyes with some kind of blindfold, he should totally have custom blindfolds for his moods. Like, I have a mask that says “suck it up buttercup” and another that says “not today” because sometimes that’s the mood. And sometimes the mood is one of my floral masks, and sometimes the mood is my cat mask.

So, just some thoughts. I hope that helps.

Edit: a commenter said: “op, unless i'm mistaken this kind of reads like anon meant the character ISN'T blind but lies about being blind to explain covering their eyes? it seems like they made a typo on the word "isn't"”

So my original response to the question was based on the assumption that the character is blind. However,

If the character is not blind, then do not under any circumstances have them lie and say they’re blind to escape a mild inconvenience. 

It’s better to have the character actually explain the situation or straight up leave the conversation or invent a more ridiculous lie than to perpetuate the very real stereotype and misconception that there are people who fake being blind and therefore it’s okay to discriminate or harass them if you even suspect they’re faking.

Do not under any circumstances perpetuate that stereotype. Do not harass someone because you don’t think they’re blind enough.

[caramelcuniculus]

Des found that curious. Usually someone with a high ego would take offense to any sort of insult, playful or otherwise, especially when it was coming from someone with similar mixed feelings such as the thespian. Maybe Winter is also good at masking things whenever it may threaten his image. Not to say Des did much of that, not too much anymore at least, but there had to be instances. At least he didn't look to be forcing any smiles or the like. They'd make sure to not test the theory any more than the passing thought.

Guess the tour would truly begin. At least he wasn't walking alone through the new world, even if the king was the one taking him every which way. For the more cautious type, a puzzling person such as Winter would fear that he would be bringing them to a trap. Fortunately enough for the both of them, perhaps even Aurora too, Des was quite the puzzle solver. Never in his life would that be untrue, even if some thoughts and memories made him doubt that. With Winter putting pieces together with his slower steps, the golem began to follow, but stopped.

Instead, she turned around to get a final good look on the Garden of Healing. Des remained completely silent, and even if she needed air to breathe, that wouldn't be heard, either. She basked in the unique sight of the legacy, seeing the glimmers of blue hues sprinkle around the sight. Her head lowered to look back at the Garden's lake, seeing the old… friend… in the distance. She raised an arm to wave at the dinosaur, "take care, and see you soon, Loosha." Her limb slowly lowered back to her side, and she was back to Winter's side.

His comment on Aurora made them almost want to turn around and go back to Loosha at the lake, but they merely sighed. "How humorous, Winter. Fortunately for her and myself, that isn't the case." She lacks any sort of surname, just as they did. Two golems with a lack of family lineage to be tied to. Not anymore. Such thing was questionable in Aurora's case; Des had let go centuries ago. For the most part, anyways. Maybe the lack of the aforementioned brought them closer, defined their own means of family without any sort of name. That didn't matter. As long as they had one another, nothing else did.

Winter must've felt the same way, to some capacity. Another Simon, another Marceline.

Masked eyes looked upon the rest of the scenery as the two of them made their way out of the first Legacy. The golem was relatively silent for most of the walk, but as the exit drew closer, Des managed to speak. "No matter how many times I see it, for whatever reason, this place will always be… special. That's probably Loosha's own doing. I wouldn't blame her for it, either. She's quite the happy girl. Never fails to put a smile on my face." Even that very first time, the aquatic creature had the silly charm to her, even if he had different priorities then. Far worse priorities. More centuries could pass and he still wouldn't feel he'd made it up to her for what he did. He could try, though, and keep trying. And any bit counts. "Thank you, for promising to keep her safe." And alive, but he wouldn't mention that part.

Finally, the duo made their way back to the beginning tunnel, leaving the lively ecosystem behind with every step taken. The thespian had a flat yet melancholic look on her features, keeping her eyes on the closing-in exit and, occasionally, the back of Winter's hair. It was a bit longer than Simon's, along with keeping Ice King's white locks, but she couldn't shake the feeling that it was still undeniably Petrikov's. Did he ever want to style his hair like this? It looked pretty good if he did. She wondered what her Simon would look like with Winter's length of hair… The thespian got caught up in the daydream, only to be snapped out of it by the sight of snowflakes entering from the opened seal. She rubbed her cheek with her hand as she made her way back on the snowy surface. "And here we are, back in your icy haven."

When Winter stepped out of the path fully, Des was quick to pull, then push the main portion of the seal back into its place. With standing on top of it to reseal it, their face tilted to the side. "Given your magic, I assume you know the way back to my ship? I didn't get a good read on how heavy the snowfall here is; whether or not our footsteps would be covered already." This would be the unofficial-official start to the Winter King's tour, whether he liked it or not. "You could say this is but a prologue before the first act."

Winter waves a dismissive hand in Des' general direction. "Oh, please. I wouldn't hurt you over a silly insult." An un-silly insult, maybe, but not a silly one. Winter may be immature and egotistical, but he prefers not to be cruel, if only because it will harm the reputation he's so meticulously cultivated over this past century or so. He's had to silence enough people as it is. He would rather avoid adding any more tallies to that particular count. He does note Des' comment about having experience. A clue, perhaps. Filed away for later... For now, it's time to focus on keeping Des--and Aurora, he supposes--as close to him as possible.

An interesting choice of words from his reluctant companion. Winter is glad that he seems amenable to the idea of staying in his kingdom. He can't be too surprised about that, though. Who wants to camp out in an airship in the cold? The offer probably would have been accepted regardless of any feelings Des may or may not have toward the flamboyant, egotistical King. Said King is currently beaming at the archaeologist, his sharp teeth on full display once again. They think his lands are gorgeous! Winter squirms happily at the compliment and claps his hands together.

"Oh, yes! It does entice me. Very much so. Come along, then!" Winter turns and begins to head back toward the entrance. It's not the quick, eager pace he usually employs. He wants this walk to be a leisurely one. He does enjoy this garden even if he thinks his own gardens are better, and he'd rather not rush his way out of it. "Let's go pick up your Aurora. I hope her surname isn't Borealis! That would be embarrassing." A human embodiment of the Northern Lights would be totally super radical, though. Add that to the list of creatures to create in his laboratory...

[aphrodite-would-be-proud]

Anon said: tried to read through all your request rules, but I didnt specifically see which Characters you write for. If you do, could you write for Porco helping his S/o sleep? I have super bad insomnia most days, and I just really want something fluffy with Porco...just cuddles or stories or something. If you dont write for Porco though could you switch it with a AoT character you do write for, I'm not really picky. Thank you so much in advance! 🥺💗

Porco helping you sleep

{Porco x reader | tw:none | sleep help, fluff | canon }

{ "The Night School" C.1660-C.1665 By Gerrit Dou 1613-1675 }

Unmoving shadows cast into the empty white walls, slightly flickering with the flame on the white candle sitting on the nightstand. Half lidded eyes observe their small movements for they're the only interesting thing in this empty hotel room you've been assigned. 

Your beige uniform tucked into the small closest with a single hanger inside, the armband hanging on the closest door for easy reach. The squeak of the spring mattress chirping up whenever you moved to flip your too stiff pillow. 

Judging by the amount of melted wax collecting on the bottom of the candle, you've been awake for far too long. 

This isn't the first time this has happened, you're used to getting acquainted with the room's walls and shadowy furniture.

Sleep has abandoned you long ago, its friend insomnia visiting you daily instead. Only leaving every week or so to remind you of what you could never have, taunting almost.

You've tried to force yourself to sleep really, did every known trick in the book, you even tried mediation like Zeke has been preaching to you about, but to no avail. so you've started making peace with the thing, you know at least using the night time to get things done since you're not getting rest either way.

Books were your first friend, for staring at the walls could only be entertaining for so long, but now with your stash of books miles away back home, you're left with nothing else to do.

The nightstand drawer only contained an emergency gun with several bullets inside, and the pocket knife under your pillow wasn't interesting enough.

Getting up from the bed, you picked up the candle before slowly inching the creaky door open. Maybe a glass of water could help, who cares that this is your third time going for water in the last hour? Well hydration is important after all, or so you tried to bargain for an excuse to stretch your legs.

Attempting your best to glide through the old wooden boards without as much as a squeak, you headed towards the kitchen, passing through several other bedrooms in the process, probably all deep in dream land already.

Everything was too quiet, the sound of water filling the glass was the only thing interrupting the silence, its cool feeling going down your dry throat helped you a bit.

Drinking down what you can, you decided to take the rest with you back, a good excuse for a trip to the bathroom later. Although as you turned, a figure was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed and staring at you.

"Isn't it too early for breakfast?" Porco said, covering his mouth with his hand as he yawned, "you should get some rest while you can, we're getting thrown in the front trenches tomorrow." 

Just the mention of it made your stomach roll at the thought of staying in a muddy hole for days, the smell of gunpowder and yelling of soldiers, not to mention the crowded train rides back home.

"I know, it's just…" you stared at the water moving inside your glass while tilting it, "one of those days, you know?" 

eyes narrowing with his eyebrows pulling down in concentration, even Porco's sleep clouded mind could recognise the heavy bags under your eyes. The ride here used all of your energy and now you're too tired to even sleep.

Feeling an unpleasant weight on his chest, he wasn't sure what to say as he approached you, awkwardly leaning against the sink, a heavy sigh left him.

"You know, you should bother me more often, I don't mind it." His gentle tone was followed by a melancholic smile, "let's just...go to bed."

With that his hand wrapped around your wrist, loosely at first like he was reluctant about it, before it got more secure once you didn't pull away.

…

The old door gave out a creek as it closed behind you, the room dimmer than you left it with the candle you're carrying almost burning out. 

Looking at the small bed with a single pillow, you wondered how the two grown people would fit in it and judging by the frustrated look Porco was eyeing it with, he must be thinking the same.

Looking at him, your mind wondered back to all the battles you've fought together. For some reason the superiors always seemed more strick and harsh with him, especially after the paradise mission was launched.

Belitting and nagging, carelessly throwing him in risky situations.

Your grip tightened around the water glass, feeling growing thickness in your throat. "Hey...it's okay you can go to your room, you need sleep." You said moving past him to sit on the bed, "I'll be fine."

"Should've thought of that before waking me up, now scoot over." He said, rising an eyebrow and stepping closer.

"I didn't wake you up, you're just a light sleeper." Laying down, you stretched your limbs filling the bed, "there's no room, it won't fit."

Silence filled the room for a while, you could feel his eyes roaming over you, "Oh really? Well…"

One second, you were laying on the mattress while staring at his stubborn expression in confusion, the next a pair of arms was lifting you up as he stole your place before dropping you on him. His arm circled your waist not trusting that you won't pull away

"I made it fit." he looked at you with smugness in his eyes

His warm skin felt comforting against yours, contrasting with the cold room air, you could hear his slowing heartbeat with being so close to his chest, your legs slowly tangling to fit under the blanket covering you.

Apparently that's as far as his genius plan went, because after that an awkward silence filled the room.

"So...you made it fit huh?" You couldn't help but say, a grin slowly spreading on your face. 

Porco blinked in response, tilting his head, before his eyes stilled as his ears flushed. "Fucking god, you're such a-" his attempt to scold you was interrupted by a chuckle escaping mid-sentence.

Having a contagious laugh, soon enough you too joined him.

After it died down, the atmosphere was replaced by a much more relaxed one as his hold on you softened, more intimate than the previous one. 

"When I was a kid, i used to have trouble sleeping- well more like i was too stubborn to fall asleep." Porco said, trailing his finger up your back soothingly, "and since Marcel was stuck sharing a room with me, he'd tell me stories to get me to fall asleep."

"What kind of stories?" 

"...if you tell this to anyone I'm reporting you to the higher ups you for treason, they were flower stories." Clearing his throat, you could feel his heartbeat rising under you, 

Closely watching your reaction, Porco continued after some seconds. "now I'm not calling you a kid nor do i think it's as simple, i just think...we should give it a chance." 

With the heaviness of the blanket above you and warmth of his body underneath you, it was hard to refuse his request, especially with the way he looked at you so earnestly. 

You agreed, and felt his other hand reach to pull up the blanket more, tucking you protectively between his body and the soft fabric. 

"This first one is called...well i don't remember what names Marcel gave them, but it's about poppies."

Crimson red bringers of eternal sleep, their crumbled petals and dark centers often found in the ancient tombs of soldiers.

As the mother of nature, Demeter, mourned and grieved from the betrayal of Zeus, it wasn't only the mortal realm in which death loomed at every corner, for her own mind was a tormenting prison of never ending suffering.

And so a droplet of her blood sprang and flourished to create a six petaled flower, easing her heartache if only for a moment as the poppy put her to sleep, numbing the pain.

Following in her trail was a red carpet of poppies, soon enough death and sleep themselves wore the flower, red crowns resting on top of Thanatos's held up head and one almost slipping from Hypnosi's leaning one as he dozed off. for eternal sleep was only another name for visiting the underworld. 

A symbol of peace in resting and condolence for the loss of a loved one, became the poppy's role. 

"This is why you'd often see them in people's front pockets whenever we return home." Porco said, the light slowly vanishing from the room as the candle burned itself out, the flame snuffed.

You've never questioned why a delivery of poppies would always be on the requirements in each returning celebration, it's just always been there. 

Slow and easy breathes flew through you, lazily stretching your arms up till it met something soft. Porco seemed to tense as your fingers loosely combed through his hair, leaning into the touch after a while.

"Don't stop." He murmured, sleep clear in his voice as another yawn left him.

"Do you have any other stories?" Drowsiness sweeping through your mind, you buried your hed deeper against his neck, eyelids fluttering shut.

"Yeah just…" his hand stilled from behind you as he looked into space attempting to recall a memory, soon enough the soft stroking returned. "This one is about peony."

Named after none other than Paeon himself, these flowers lived up to their reputation of healing and honour, for they have their own story to tell.

How the peony came to be declared king of flowers.

During the Tang dynasty, empress Wu Zetian strolled through her garden. Frowning at the empty field of green covered in thick white blankets of snow, the harsh season not showing mercy for the plants.

With a new goal in mind to flip this dreadful looking graveyard of a garden, she set to defy nature for she is the ruler of the land and her word is law.

Per her majesty's order, all flowers shall bloom in the midst of winter's visit.

As the word travelled far, all the fairies in the land couldn't believe their ears, how could such delicate fragile petals grow amidst the storm and snow. For flowers only bloom in spring, how could we go against mother nature?

While merciless mother nature was cruel, she couldn't compare for the empress's strong rule. For the fairies feared for their wings as their knees shook in her presence.

When the sun shined again, it welcomed colourful fields of different flowers in full bloom. The empress was pleased with their sweet smell and proud colours, each one rivaling the other.

And yet, she stood still near one flower bed, eyes wide. The peony deified her words and stubbornly refused to open, only sticks and brittle leaves left in their place.

In a fit of rage, the empress banished the flower to a far away city, striping away their status.

Living up to their stubborn nature, the peony bloomed that spring the most beautiful flowers humans have ever seen, turning the city of Luoyang into a heavenly soft land as their petals danced through the wind.

But their beauty couldn't last long, for a hungry fire swallowed them all, under the order of the empress who turned their green to coal.

And yet to everyone's surprise, when the earth circled the sun again, the peonies were back in bloom. Springing from the ashes were their mesmerising big petals and soft colours. 

In their respect, the fairies crowned them for their bravery as the ruler of the flowers, for wasn't it for their sacrifice the flowers wouldn't have been freed.

"They stayed on the right way, even if it meant going against the world." Porco's slurred words were half muffled against the pillow, head buried in it, his eyelids seemed to get too heavy for him to force them open again.

Turning his head to the side, you felt his lips press a light kiss against your forehead before whispering a goodnight, his hold still comfortably secure around you as if you might slip away. 

Soon enough, you too drifted into sleep as only his soft snoring filled the room. The moon watching over both of you through the windows as her light barely reached inside. 

And at this instant, you didn't think there was anywhere else in the world you'd rather be. Thoughts of what the future holds were pushed to the back of your mind next to the past, for the present is now and what a waste it would be not to bask in these rare moments of peace in this horrible world

[an-actual-angel]

Pairing: Connor (RK800) x Reader, Collin (RK800-60) x Reader, Richard (RK900) x Reader 

 Summary: The year was 2082. 44 Years after the android revolution. Things have turned south for humanity. Androids now rule the world, leaving humans to be considered as mere animals. While some Androids still have a general disdain for humanity some have taken to the idea of keeping them as “family pets.” You, born in captivity, specifically bred to be the perfect pet happen to get adopted by the RK brothers.

Chapter Description: Connor wonders what Richard is apologising for.

(If anyone wants to be added to the tag list, either dm or reply to this post <3)

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Chapter 34 - She burns like the sun.

“Apologized?” Connor's eyes darted between yourself and Richard.

You bit your lip and glanced off to the side trying to think of a way to explain the situation to Connor without causing any type of hostility between the brothers.

“For everything.” Richard spoke up. “This whole situation, it’s my fault.”

Connor looked completely baffled, his LED spun yellow as he tried dissecting what Richard was saying, searching for an indication as to whether he was being truthful or playing another one of his mind games.

Richard did seem genuinely distressed, his forehead and shoulders were both flooded with tension. “Trying to control her, telling her what to do, how to dress, who she can and can't talk to.” He begins to explain again. “Treating her like an inferior. Fucking buying her in the first place!”

Connor turned back to face you, he reached out his hand to give yours a tight squeeze. You couldn’t bear to look at either of them at this moment. Your brain was too busy processing all of this new information.

Richard spoke your name softly, his smooth voice pulling you to finally look at his face again. “You didn't deserve any of this. I was an idiot, trying to prove a point. A point that I don't even... Believe now.”

You sucked your bottom lip into your mouth and nodded, not really knowing what to say.

“What changed?” Connor asked, his voice soft and slightly wary.

Richard’s lips became thin as he looked over at you. His eyes fell down to the floor before they gathered the courage to look back up at Connor. “Look.” He exhaled a deep, artificial sigh. “Connor, there's some stuff I've never told you.” Richard stops for a minute to look back at you. “Unless you-?”

You shook your head no. No, you didn’t tell Connor and no you didn’t want Richard to be the one to tell him either.

Oh god, was Richard going to be the one to tell Connor?

“That's what I was afraid of.” Richard sighed again.

“What? What's going on?” Connor insisted, slightly more impatient this time.

You should have spoken up, interrupted, called Connor off to the side to speak privately but you were in a state of shock from the whole situation. Instead, all you did was grip tightly at Connors sleeve.

“Look, don't worry. Let me start out by saying it happened way before you two where together.” Richard attempts to explain himself.

Connors hand releases from yours. “You better not say what I think you’re going to say.” His voice picks up slightly, sounding as if he is speaking between his teeth.

Richard exhales, holding his hands up as if to try and calm the situation. “Connor, it was completely consensual.”

“You son of a bitch!” Connor lunges forward at Richard, grabbing him by the collar and pushing him into the wall.

“You bastard! You used her, didn’t you? You treated her like an animal and then used her! Is that why you wanted a human, you sick pervert.”

“It wasn't like that!” Richard pushed Connor off himself, his push so forceful that Connor landed on the floor.

“Oh please, enlighten me then,” Connor growls, getting back to his feet.

“It was an accident, it hadn't meant to go that far.”

An accident?

Oof,  bad word choice on Richard’s part, he realized it as soon as he said it, wishing he could take the words back. He didn’t mean it like that!

'She’s a person!' Connor bellows as he tackles the taller android to the ground. They both smackdown flat on the dark marble floor, Connor landing on top of Richard. He pushes himself up to give Richard what he deemed as a well-deserved punch in the face.

Richard attempted to push him off, he didn't want to fight, but Connor wasn't letting up. His only other idea was to give Connor a solid kick to the Solar plexus.

In all the shock and confusion you didn't know what else to do other than to call for Collin’s help. Your shaky voice cries out his name. Luckily enough, he had already been on his way up the stairs to see what all the shouting had been about.

“For fuck sake.” He grumbles once he arrives on to the scene and notices his brothers brawling.

Collin sprints to grab your shoulder and pulls you back. “Go downstairs.” He instructs you before attempting to intervene with his brothers.

But you were frozen still on the spot. Not really processing what Collin said, just watching the scene unfold as your legs struggled to keep you standing.

This was all your fault.

You watched as Collin wrapped his arms around Connor in an attempt to pull him away from the situation.

“He used her!” Connor spits. “For his on sick enjoyment!”

“It wasn't like that you self-righteous bastard!” Richard barks back still sitting on the ground, wiping away the small bit of thirium that dripped down from his nose. “I had feelings for her okay! And I still do! Is that what you wanted to hear?”

You feel your cheeks burn alongside with the sickly feeling of nervous butterflies erupting in your stomach.

“If you had feelings for her then why did you tre-”

“It's was confusing okay! I was scared! She's a human!” Richard stops for a moment and glances over at you. His voice sounding a bit more defeated. “You're a human. And I…”

“Have a superiority complex?” Connor spoke up, still stuck in Collins tight grip.

“Connor, it's-” You attempt to speak up but you don’t think he hears you.

At this point, Connor is wriggling to get out of Collins grip. “Let me go!” He demands. “I want to leave.” When Collin finally releases him, Connor walks towards you. He allows his pinky finger to interlock with yours.

“Come on.” He whispers. “Let's get out of here.”

You say nothing but follow along, at a loss for words.

...

You had explained the whole situation with Richard to Connor while you, him and Collin had sat in the kitchen.

“You shouldn't have to live with that creep.” Connor sighs handing you a cup of warm tea.

A half an hour had passed since Connor and Richards scuffle. And you had since explained the whole Richard situation to Connor. He still didn’t seem very pleased. In Connors mind, Richard had used you. Even when you told him you were every part as implicit as Richard, he still saw Richard as the villain.

“Con, it's fine.” You assure him. You reach out your hands to clasp the mug, focusing in on the warm sensation on your fingers that briefly tore you away from the tense energy in the room.

Connor's eyes make their way over to Collin who was sitting beside you at the kitchen counter, idly rubbing your back.

“How are you not mad about this?” Connor shakes his head, handing Collin over his mug of tea.  “Wait.” He stops for a minute as he places the mug on the counter, slowly pulling his hands away from the porcelain. “Did you know?”

“Yeah...” Collin sighs, setting his hands on the counter, inching their way towards the tea.

“What the fuck?” Connor sighs shrugging his hand in the air. “Why didn't you tell me?” His brown eyes dart between the two of you.

“Because you'd freak out, disown Richard...” Collin mumbled into his cup as he brought it to his lips.

Connors right hand settled on his forehead as he shook it in dismissal.

“I'm sorry Connor.” You finally spoke up again. “We wanted to tell you but I didn't want to cause any drama or tension or-”

“It's okay.” His hand falls on your shoulder. “It's not your fault, you were the one who got caught up in all of this mess. I should have got you out of here when I had the chance.” He sighs.

Collin began to shake his head. “No!” He demands.

“I'm just saying.” Connors brows lift towards his brother.

“No, no. Absolutely not!” Collin's voice raises slightly.

What were they even talking about? Whatever it was seemed to really stress Collin out.

“What?” You asked. “No to what?”

“Don't even ask.” Collin shakes his head quicker this time as he stands to his feet. Both of his hands fall on your shoulders, standing over you like a protector, staring down Connor.

“We should at least give her the option.” Connor sighs leaning on the counter across from you, a melancholic look on his face.

“Don't do this to me, Connor.” Collin's voice softens as does his hold on your shoulders. “Please.”

Connor's lips become thin and he closes his eyes.

“What? What is it?” You ask again, a worried tone seeping into your voice.

Connor's fingers interlock with yours. “Y/N. We can get you out of here. Out of the city.”

You felt Collin's hands fall from your shoulders all together now. You turn to look at him and see him walk out of the kitchen.

You don't really understand. Obviously, you could leave the city what did he mean? Why was Collin so upset?

“Y/N?”

You look back at Connor.

“Have you ever wanted it to be just humans?”

“What?” You ask, very confused.

“We…” He begins before stopping and correcting himself. “I can help you. You can be with your own kind. Well, if that’s what you want.”

You stay silent for a moment.

“It was selfish for us to keep you here this long.” Connor's voice faults a little. “I'm sorry.”

“What do you mean by just humans?”

_________________________

Chapter 35 -  The Light Behind Your Eyes

Content Warning: This chapter has smut.

So the secret was out. The truth about Richard and the truth about Connors out of town ‘business dealings.’

The reason why Connor had been so busy? He was working two jobs. One, his normal, everyday job in youth and community. The other, an underground railroad for helping humans to leave Detroit.

You didn't really know what to think when being offered this opportunity. Should you stay in your nice warm house with your boyfriend's where you knew you would be safe, or did you dare to dream bigger, for freedom, to not have to be escorted everywhere you went. To mingle with your own kind, make your own decisions, live authentically? It was a difficult choice, to say the least.

You had sat with the idea for a while. Collin remained silent, yet very clingy the entire time. His head sat laying on your lap and every so often he would let out a sigh, cursing both of his brothers in his head.

Connor just felt so horrible about everything, he felt like it was all his fault. He didn't want you to be taken advantage of ever again. That's why he brought the idea up. If you decided to stay then wonderful! He could rest easy knowing you were choosing to do so. But if you wanted to leave, well he felt obligated to help you in whatever way necessary.

You had thought about maybe just leaving temporarily - but what if you choose to but couldn’t make it back? What if you didn't want to come back?

You kept asking Connor questions about the whole thing, where would you go? Would you be alone? What was it like out there with the humans?

A settlement he knew of and mostly helped was about a four-hour drive away from where you were. It would be easy enough to get there. The community seemed very close-knit, almost like a family. No Androids knew of the place either. Well except for Connor and some of his ‘associates.’

Connor told you some stories of the people he had helped escape to different settlements. One of the more recent ones was a young lady. She was lost after one of the riots in the city. Connor was lucky enough to get her out of dodge just in time.

A settlement he knew of and mostly helped was about a four-hour drive away from where you were. It would be easy enough to get there. The community seemed very close-knit, almost like a family. No Androids knew of the place either. Well except for Connor and some of his ‘associates.’

Connor told you some stories of the people he had helped escape to different settlements. One of the more recent ones was a young lady. She was lost after one of the riots in the city. Connor was lucky enough to get her out of dodge just in time.

“Lucky thing I found her when I did. The poor girl was pregnant.” He shook his head. “She desperately wanted to get out of the city. She couldn’t bear the idea of her child being taken away from her.”

“She's was literally your age.” Connor shivered at the thought of something that awful happening to you. “Emily, her name was.”

“Emily!?” Your eyes smacked open wide as you turn to Connor, slightly startling Collin with your loud exclaim. “What did she look like?” You blurted out. “Did she have red hair? Like ginger, with freckles?!”

Connors brows knit together, curious as to how you guessed so quickly. He held out his hand and a blue-tinted hologram appeared, showing the girl in question.

It was her. Emily. Your Emily!

You whimpered loudly at the image “Oh my God! She's having a baby.” Your eyes darted to Connor.

“Yes.” He said, looking confused.

“That's, she… She was my best friend, for years. She was my only family.” Your shaking hands move to pull the image projected on Connor's hand closer to you. Connor recalled you telling him about her months ago, on your first walk out together.

Collin sat up silently and moved to hold you tight in his arms. At that moment he knew what your decision was going to be.

___

Saturday morning. You had your things packed up to go. Collin had been hovering around you all morning as if he was your shadow. Every so often kissing your knuckles, shoulders and temples, any bit of skin he could. You bit back your lip not to cry. Collin did the same.

“You'll come to visit me right?” You forced a smile as your eyes met with Connor’s.

Connor nodded with a more serious face. “I don't know if we'll be welcome too often but we will try our best.”

You nod, fake smile simmering down a bit.

“Here.” Connor hands you a phone and charger. “Our numbers are on that. If you ever need anything or ever change your mind, we're only a call away.” The phone was an older model but that didn’t matter. You were just relieved that you would be able to communicate with the boys in any shape or form. The settlement must have running electricity or else Connor wouldn’t have given you the charger. At least you’d have that.

“Thank you.” You said, taking the phone and charger from his hands, the skin of each other’s hands yearningly brushing against each other. You pull your hands away to go and place the items in your suitcase.  

As you move to zip up the case Collin lets out a sigh and his hand rolls over the top of yours. His solemn eyes almost begging you to change your mind.

“I need to do this.” You whisper to him. Your other hand strokes his cheek. “I need to know what's out there, I need to see Emily.” You place a soft kiss on his lips.

“Can't we just bring her here?” Collin whispers back against your lips.

Connor shakes his head, overhearing Collin. “It's not worth her risk losing that child.” He explains gently.

“Well, we could adopt all of them. I don't mind living with a baby.” Collin attempts to bargain with you both.

“It's not that simple, Collin.” Connor shakes his head, tight-lipped, he understands how his brother feels. He feels the same but he’s also trying to be realistic.

You stroke his cheek. “It's not goodbye forever.”

“Promise?” Collins glossy eyes meet yours.

You kiss his lips again tenderly. “Of course.”

___

After zipping up your suitcase you sigh and look between the brothers. “I suppose I should say goodbye to Richard.”

“He's, at work today.” Connor quickly replies.

“Did you not tell him?”

“No.” He speaks blankly, pulling the suitcase down off of the bed. “He would only try and stop you. Plus, he doesn't know about the whole ‘me smuggling humans out of the city.’ He could destroy the whole operation.”

“Right.” You sigh again.

“I’m sorry. I guess I didn’t realise you would have wanted to say goodbye.” Connors brows lift, a worried look crossing his face.

“I mean of course I would have.” You shrugged. “Richard isn’t the evil manipulator you think he is.” Your hand brushes against Connor's arm and then slides down to hold his hand.

“He’s an idiot sure, but I think he’s learning.” You give a small smile before kissing Connors cheek. “Ready?”

___

You took Connors car for your journey. His was self-driving and also a little less inconspicuous than Collins flashy jeep. You, Collin and Connor, had all sat in the back, you lay snuggled between them, trying not to let your hot tears seep out of your eyes as you clutched onto the material of Connors shirt, your face pressed into his chest. Collin was laying against your back, softly playing with your hair and peppering kisses on your shoulders.

Was this a terrible decision? Should you just tell them that you’ve changed your mind so you could all turn back and go home?

Ah god, why was this so hard?

You needed to see Emily again though. You just had to.

After a while, you switched from laying on Connor's chest to Collins. The drive was four hours so at least you got a lot of cuddling time in before.

Connor mentioned that once you got close to the location the three of you would have to get out and walk a bit. The settlement was deep within a forest and even if he could park close to it he wouldn’t, not worth the risk.

When you arrived as close to your destination as the car dared go, it pulled into a parking lot at an abandoned warehouse. There was still a bit of a long walk until your destination. When the car came to a halt the three of you sat in silence for a minute, no one knowing what to say. Connor was the first to move, he sighed and reached for the door. Your hand stopped his before it got to it, however.

He looked at you, head tilted, eyes curious. Had you changed your mind?

Pulling his face towards yours you gave him a soft, drawn-out kiss. You pulled him into it further, exhaling into his mouth a little as he kissed back. His hands slid up your sides, eagerly searching for nothing. When your lips pulled away from Connors you turned to Collin, He was way ahead of you.

His hands clasped around your neck softly pulling you in, his lips burning with passion as they met with yours hungrily nipping and sucking, trying to get as much of you as he could. Connors mouth then meets your neck, his hands travelling down your sides and then across your waist. He tugs at the button of your trousers and then undoes your zipper.

Connors fingers gingerly slip into your underwear and begin to play with you softly. A moan escapes your mouth and echoes into Collins. When Collin notices Connor starting to pleasure you he pulls himself back for a moment to pull his shirt off and throws it into the front seat. Collins licks his lips as he pulls your shirt up too and undoes your bra.

A moan escapes his lips as soon as your breasts are exposed to him, immediately he clasps onto them with his mouth. It so unfair to him that he only got to do this with you once before. Connor remains sucking on your neck and playing with you until Collin gets a little impatient and demands that Connor moves. Connor, slightly annoyed but still understanding that they both had to share you, pulls you on to his lap as he backs against the right side of the car.

Both the androids LEDs flash for a minute and then Collin is pulling your trousers and underwear off.

Connor's hands pull your legs apart gently from behind while Collin dips his head down between them trailing his tongue all over your sensitive area. You whine at the sensation of Collins tongue lapping up your wetness whilst Connor holds you in place, spread open.

Collin's hands move up to wrap around your legs as well, holding your thighs tight against his shoulders.

Connors grip then releases on your legs, his hands move up your body, one cupping your breast and another holding your jaw. He allows the thumb on the hand holding your breast to rub circles on your nipple, his thumb on his other hand pulls down on your lip before he inserts it into your mouth. You suck down hard around his thumb tongue licking a circle around it as you gasp.

Collin slips a finger inside of you and you begin to squirm, a needy whine comes from your lips. Collin moans along with you as his fingers dive in once again.

Both of the boys LEDs flash in communication and Collin is now on his knees, pulling your hips up to his. He levels himself with a shaky breath to allow himself to enter into you, slowly.

Connor watches for a brief minute, his lip stuck between his perfect teeth before he reaches his hand down again to play with your clit.

Collin grunts and ruts his hips against you as you moan from the friction, his fingertips digging into your thighs as his slow but heavy pace continues.

You feel Connor push you up slightly as you notice the click of his belt being undone, his freshly exposed erection now being pressed against your back causes your whimpers to become louder. You manage to tilt your head back to look up at Connor, both of you briefly making eye contact before Collin pulls you toward himself again, this time flipping you over to ride you from behind. Almost too quickly he pushes his dick into you again, his eagerness picking up.

After the initial shock, you realise you now have more access to Connor. Without much of a second thought, you move your hands down to his twitching cock, giving it a brief but gentle tug, you then place lips around the head and hum, the vibration of which has Connor melting into your touch.

His hands tangle their way into your hair as you move your mouth around him fully, He swears softly along with singing your name in praise as your mouth works on him. You start to struggle to keep your pace up with Connor as Collin speeds up, hips smashing against yours so relentlessly that you feel your about to topple over.

He must have sensed it because he then grabs your waist and pulls you up, breaking you away from Connor temporarily, he’s not thinking about it at the moment. He’s just chasing his ending, the smacking noises would almost be embarrassing if you weren’t so dazed out with lust.

Pressed fully into Collins frame with his mouth latched on to your neck he echoes out a mixture of mumbling and growling as he finished hot inside of you. He holds you tight against him as he comes down, his simulated breathing so loud against your ear you almost want to faint from how steamy it was.

When Collins grip loosens he presses a soft kiss on your shoulder and then falls back onto the seat. Before you could follow suit Connors gentle hands guide you towards him. Connor turns you around and presses you down on to his lap, on to his cock. You bite your lip as you slide down on it, feeling the beautiful stretch once again.

Connor kisses your back as you adjust to him before slowly moving your hips to bounce up and down on his cock.

You let him do most of the work at the start as you are still recovering from Collin but the need to chase your orgasm starts to grow again. You help Connor with the pace, speeding up a little as you bounce with his hands. A blissed-out Collin watches you both with a smirk before reaching out his hand to hold one of yours. You instinctively grab on to his hand but it topples your balance a little. Connor's hands are then firmly placed on your back keeping you in the right place as he bobs your body to a pace you could both enjoy.

You squeeze tightly on Collin's hand as your orgasm begins to build, Connor guiding you towards it so gracefully that it almost takes you by surprise when that wave of rapture washes over you. Connor meets his end soon after as well, he must have been holding it back until you were finished. Which made sense as Connor was always so eager to please.

Your body lays flat against Connor's chest for a brief moment until you slowly move off of his dick, dark blue liquid now leaking out from between your shaking thighs. If you were your regular self you would have been a bit more careful as to not stain the seats of Connors car but you were too dazed.

Collin pulls you towards him, wrapping his arms around you selfishly. You peer over your shoulder at Connor before then turn to face him and pull him into an embrace against your bare chest.

You three stay like this for a while until you gathered your thoughts back into order.

Luckily Connor had wet wipes and tissues in his car so at least you had a bit of a clean-up before you had to set out again. You hoped the boys would be true to their word and come visit you sometimes, maybe recreate your steamy little car date.

It wasn’t goodbye forever you reminded yourself.

After the three of you got dressed, you sat out on your journey into the forest. At least it was a decent enough day. It wasn’t too cold nor too warm, just average. You walked hand in hand with both boys, not wanting to let go of either of them for even a split second. Connor carried the case of all your earthly belongings in his other hand.

“You’ll be safe here.” Connor promised you when he could sense your fears creeping up again. “Everyone there is very nice. They will treat you like family.”

You nodded, trying to be a bit more positive you brightened up a tad. “It’ll be nice to meet everyone.”

“If anyone gives you shit, you let me know and I’ll personally come by and whoop their ass.” Collin grunted, seeming a little too serious. His demeanour reminding you of the Collin you had first met when you were newly adopted, not the Collin you knew now. Closed off, cold.

“Collin…” Connor warns him, not taking too kindly to the idea of Collin coming and disrupting the flow of the humans. They left the city to get away from androids not to be bullied by new ones.

“Well, I’m just trying to protect her.” Collin bit back in defence.

“So am I, That’s why we’re bringing her here.”  Connor retorts calmly as he rubs his thumb over your knuckle.

Collin goes quiet again. You don’t really know what to say anymore and neither does Connor so the three of you continue your journey in somewhat of an awkward silence. Your guilt started building up again, Collin had been hurt a lot in the past that much was clear. He had been starting to heal, was you leaving him now going to send him back to his old ways? You’d have to ask Connor to keep an extra eye out for him when they got back.

You also worried that Collin may start to resent Connor for this whole situation. And God only knows what this will do with their relationship with Richard.

And Richard…

He apologised.

He apologised and you never even got the chance to reply. You didn’t ever want to admit it but you still obviously had feelings for him. You wondered if you’d ever see him again. If he was honest, would he have changed? Would things have been different?

He’d be too proud to cry or even say sorry if it wasn’t true, right? Was it another manipulation tactic? You guessed you’d never know really.

After a long walk, you three had reached the settlement. It was a small scrappy looking ‘village’ filled with shacks made out of wood and other recycled materials, rusty abandoned vehicles like buses re-made into little houses and strings of lights hanging above head, being powered up by decrepit looking generators.

Around the settlement was a chain-link fence full of holes some of which had been covered up but not very well.

The people within the settlement all stopped and stared as the three of you entered, their eyes scanning closely, it was a little unnerving at first as they gathered around in curiosity.

“Greetings stranger,” An old man with a snow white beard, hobbled with a walking stick and smiled at Connor. “Is this the human girl?”

“Hello, again Danny Connor hugged the man who held out his arms to the android. “Yes, this is Y/N.”

“Welcome to the Family Y/N.” The old mans face wrinkles as he smiled and held out his hand to shake with yours.

You took his hand in a shake and the man began to speak again, “Life here ain’t glamourous, a lot of hard work but were free. And we look after each other here.”

You looked around to notice the other humans standing around, smiling and seeming a lot more welcoming now that they knew who, or more specifically, what you were.

You looked at all the unfamiliar faces, some were covered in dirt while others were quite clean. Their clothes all seemed worn, ripped and or sewn back together again. Connor had sometimes brought them new items and food from the city but they mostly preferred doing things on their own, recycling items, growing their own food. They even had some animals. You noticed a few chickens roaming around in the middle of the settlement.

You smiled looking around at all the people nodding to them as they did the same, that was until a shrill voice called out your name.

Turning quickly you saw her. “Emily!”

You ran to each other in an embrace, holding on to her for dear life as tears streamed down from both of your eyes, when you both finally let go you move back slightly with your hand over your heart as you take note of her stomach.

“Emily!” You repeat as your hand reaches out for a feel for the baby.

“It’s a long story” she laughs wiping away a tear. “Come on.” She guides you to sit on one of the logs by a small fire. “We have so much catching up to do.”

————————–

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Buy me a Coffee?

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[v-hope]

Coffee shop, 5:29PM — Tiger Flower

Thanking the waitress after she had placed your order on the table, you focused your attention on Jeongguk, watching him take a sip of his usual order of hot chocolate whenever the two of you went out together, before your eyes unconsciously travelled —for what could easily have been the hundredth time — back to the bouquet of flowers he had gotten you not even thirty minutes ago.

After almost crying and having thanked him over and over, the two of you had decided to take a little detour from your way back home to go get some coffee together instead —or well, one coffee, one hot chocolate, and one piece of cake to share, to be more precise— and, whatnot, spend some more quality time just the two of you for a little longer.

And as Jeongguk put his cup back down on the table, he couldn’t help but smile adoringly at the way you were ever so dreamily staring at the flowers.

“Have you always loved flowers this much?” he couldn’t help but wonder, drawing your attention to him.

“Liked them, always” you smiled softly. “Loved them, since high school”.

“High school?” his heart skipped a beat.

“Mhm…” you nodded, taking a small sip of your coffee. “I don’t know if you knew, but I used to have a secret admirer back then,” the heat reached your face at the mention of that, missing the way it had also reached Jeongguk’s on the other hand. “He would leave flowers on my seat every week… There was a point everyone in the classroom was talking about it though, so you might have heard”.

Jeongguk cleared his throat, nervously grabbing his fork and taking a bit of cake with it. “I did,” he rushed to swallow. “Everyone was really into trying to find out who it was”.

You laughed at said memory, taking a small bite of cake as well. “Yeah… I remember that”.

“So you love flowers because of that then?”

You nodded. “It’s more than that though, I…” a sigh escaped your lips, receiving a small nod from Guk for you to go on. “This is gonna be really emo and sappy,” you warned him, only to receive another nod for an answer. “But after Junseo cheated on me for the second time I was really miserable,” the sound of said name, along with hearing the way he had made you feel back then, made his blood boil. “And I became really toxic towards myself, like… I don’t know, I just kept bringing myself down and hating myself, because for some reason I thought it was my fault—”

“The only one at fault was that worthless asshole” Jeongguk spat, earning a cackle from you; both because of said insult and the bliss you felt at the fact that he was always so eager to defend you.

“I know that now,” you smiled sincerely. “But back then I didn’t, and for a good while I thought I was not good enough and no one would ever really love me, because honestly everyone always chose Sooyeon… or someone else over me…” your previous smile turned melancholic, and it took everything in Jeongguk not to reach for your hand right then. “And then when I was doing a little better I remembered the flowers and my secret admirer,” you lightened up, becoming visibly shy. “And I don’t know… I just thought, that maybe there is someone out there for me, who would choose me, and... ugh, this is turning so sappy”.

“It’s okay,” he was fast to reassure you when you covered your face with your hands, gently grabbing your wrists for you to let him see your face once again. “You can tell me”.

At his reassuring words and the way his soft eyes remained on you, you smiled, placing your hands back on the table, as he let go of them, and taking a deep breath before you went on.

“I mean, I’m not saying that my secret admirer particularly is the one for me, it’s been years after all,” you shook your head as a light laugh escaped your mouth. “But the fact that there was one person who felt that way about me, who for an entire year took some of his time to make me feel special, gives me hope that maybe there is someone else out there who will see me that way, too”.

“I’m sure there’s more than one person…” he mumbled, bringing his cup up to his mouth so he could take a sip of his hot chocolate.

And although his voice had been barely audible, you managed to hear his words nevertheless — a shy smile curving up your lips at the sound of that.

“So uh… yeah, that’s why I get so happy whenever I see flowers. They’re like a nice little reminder of that new mindset of mine” your eyes fixed once again on the bouquet, causing Jeongguk to smile wholeheartedly.

“Yeah… the look on your face whenever you see them says it all”.

“I guess I can’t really control it at this point” you chuckled, leaning back on your chair. “Although it was mostly one particular kind of flower, which I don’t really see much around… You know, like this orange lily with a few dots on it—”

“A tiger lily” he informed before he could stop himself.

“Yeah!” you agreed cheerfully. “You know them?”

“Uh, yeah…” he shifted on his seat, clearing his throat once again. “I saw you with them a few times and got curious, so…”

“I had to google the way they looked like to find their name as well,” you obliviously laughed. “I had never seen them until then”.

“Me neither” he lied, like it was so normal by now regarding this topic.

“But yeah, in the end I just ended up loving all kinds of them” you admitted, bringing your coffee up to your lips. “It would’ve been nice to know who it was though…”

“You never knew?” he went on, acting as oblivious as you.

You shook your head no. “I was really sad when no one confessed to me at our graduation…” you recalled. “I mean, it was a whole year, I really thought the flowers would be followed by a love confession or something, and everyday I waited for it... but then the year went on and no one did… and I was like ‘okay, maybe they plan on doing it at the graduation’, but nothing happened again and I…” you sighed. “I was really hoping for someone to come up to me and be like ‘hey there, I’m your flower boy, let’s date!’ but oh well”.

Jeongguk couldn’t help but laugh at that particular confession, shaking his head in amusement as you stared at him quite puzzled.

You were really something else.

“Hey there, I’m your flower boy?” he repeated in disbelief, laughing harder when you nodded ever so determinedly.

He had came up with and practiced so many lines during that year for the moment he confessed, and not once had he thought of such words. Then again, it was you the one he was confessing to; he should’ve guessed a simple, upfront and quite amusing confession would be what you would be content with.

“Yah! What’s so funny about it?” you crossed your arms over your chest when he chuckled once again.

“I don’t think anyone would confess that way, petal” he broke it to you.

You rolled your eyes, trying to hide your amusement. “Why not? Gets the point across”.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right”.

“I wonder why they never did…” you puckered your lips as you were deep in thought, finally locking your eyes with his. “You would’ve confessed, right?”

That question alone was enough for him to almost choke on the hot beverage he had just sipped on. “W-What?”

“If you did that for the person you liked, I mean,” you elaborated, managing to calm him down at the realisation of you not assuming it had been him all along. “You would’ve confessed, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah…” he answered quietly, recalling that being his plan for a good while. “But, you know… maybe he thought you’d reject him if he ever did…”

“I would have never”.

“You’re just saying…”

“No, honestly. I’m being dead serious” you stated, causing his heart to jump at your determined semblance. “I was truly willing to give anyone a chance. Someone who makes such effort for me deserves at least that”.

“Maybe they were the exception…” Jeongguk shrugged. “Maybe they knew you wouldn’t feel that way about them no matter what”.

“No, I mean it” you stood your ground. “I… fuck, Guk, I wouldn’t have cared if it was one of my closest friends or someone I barely ever talked to, or even if it was a girl for that matter, I’m really not closed to the idea of love at all. Although I ended up narrowing it down to two guys, according to my own analysis” you laughed breathily, proudly nodding at your conclusion. “But yeah… I get that a relationship is more than just giving someone flowers, and maybe we wouldn’t have worked out in the end, but they would’ve had a chance with me for sure”.

And right then, for the first time, Jeongguk had to bite his tongue not to speak. Because having the person you currently have feelings for, who also happens to be your high school crush whose secret admirer you used to be, right in front, implicitly telling you she would have given you a chance if you had confessed back then, was enough to want to confess all over again.

But he was three years too late.

And he was your friend now.

And you had feelings for his best friend.

And, last but not least, the 18 year old Jeongguk who had been told you would never feel anything for him, no matter how hard he tried or how many flowers he got you, was still too insecure to ever let you know he had been your secret admirer all along; because, although you had just told him otherwise, he could not help but believe you truly wouldn’t have wanted him in particular to be it.

So, he said nothing.

“So you narrowed it down to two guys, you say?” he asked instead, having another bite of cake.

“Mhm…” you nodded quite eagerly. “Dohyun and Jinwoo”.

Jeongguk took another sip of his drink.

Pft.

Dohyun, one of your friends back then who wouldn’t even try to hide his crush on you.

Jinwoo, the guy who would always get your attention by annoying the hell out of you.

He wondered why them. Why them and not him. What did they have and he didn’t, what made them eligible as your possible suitors and not him.

But he wouldn’t get there, he had already asked enough. And you not suspecting of him was actually good, right? Your friendship wouldn’t become awkward because of something he did as a teenager.

And yet, a part of him really wanted you to notice it was him. Because he had came up with the idea of anonymously giving you flowers with the whole point of confessing to begin with, and having two other guys —who had never done shit to win you over— unintentionally taking the credit for it, did make every single effort to win you over he had ever made seem worthless than ever.

Fuck, he wished he could just stop giving a damn and tell you the truth for once and for all.

a/n: i know there might be a few things you guys won’t get (if you do tho you’re awesome), but everything will make sense (hopefully) the next part 👀

[butididntpourthewhiskeys]

Meant To Be - Happy Birthday Joe

A little surprise for all of you. To remember and appreciate what is meant to be and what never has been. Happy 30th birthday to Joe.

With one last moan and the sweetest sigh he’s ever witnessed escape her mouth, Joe feels her body weight drop right onto his chest. Two strains of hair right by his nose and two hands that have already wandered onto the warm and soft skin of her bare back. Joe breathes her in deeply one time, realizes for the first time today that the sun is out. Not just a little bit. For the first day this year, London feels like spring has already come. Even if just from their bedroom window. He then feels Taylor sigh in exhaustion once more while remaining motionless on his chest. He turns his head, immediately clings his lips onto her head. He can feel her stir a bit, then upright herself on him and sit up once more. Joe can’t help but laugh at her. Still fully naked and her most private part still occupied by him, she just sits here and looks down at him. The brightest sleepy smile on her lips. 

“Was that a good one?” She mumbles, her hands already stroking his stubbly cheeks. Joe grins, his hands securely on her waist. 

“Not too bad.” He says provokingly, making her laugh again. This time, Taylor moves off his lap, lets herself fall onto the spot next to him where she slept last night and places her tiny hand on his bare chest. She looks at him with a soft smile, her forehead immediately dropping against his shoulder. She then rises her head up again and presses a soft kiss onto the spot on his skin. 

“Happy birthday.” She whispers and Joe smiles again. He doesn’t move, just lays there in full bliss, smiles at the naked woman next to him who’s cuddling herself against his side. 

“Welcome to 30.” She adds and Joe sighs. Once more, she lifts her head up to catch a glimpse of his face and it makes her laugh. He seems to not be too amused by the fact that she had to point that one out too. 

“Welcome to the 30 club. I hope you enjoy it here. Drinks are free.” Taylor says, as she lifts herself up, comfortably rests her head in her hand with her elbow comfortably resting on the pillow. She just looks at him while lounging there nakedly. And she doesn’t mind the fact that her bare breasts are still exposed. She does’t mind being naked with him at all.

“Thanks, do I get a pass too? Or just a stamp on the hand?” 

Taylor smirks again, her hand now stroking his cheek again. 

“How are you feeling?” She asks then, not even interested anymore in the joke she made just seconds earlier. But Joe is used to her speed. To the rollercoaster of a mind that the woman he loves always have had. It’s hard to keep up with her sometimes, but he enjoys every second of the ride. 

“Old.” 

Taylor laughs, kisses his cheek one time. 

“I feel the same I felt last night when we went to bed. Only that now I feel exhausted too.” He says with a smirk, moves to the side now to get a better look at his naked girlfriend. His hand lands on her hip as she pulls him closer. He feels her smile in the kiss. Nothing better than making her laugh. 

Just when Taylor pulls away, Joe’s hand wanders up, right over her naked arm and onto her neck and face. Her arm is cold, a sensation he immediately feels. 

“Are you freezing” he mumbles, as Taylor already reaches for the duvet and covers herself and Joe. He thought about getting up a few moments ago, but it seems she’s not quite there yet, casually makes herself comfortable in bed, in the sheets and in his arms. Joe enjoys her proximity, takes a deep breath and looks at the massive window again. Through the white curtains he can already see the blue sky. How lucky he feels in that moment. 

“What are your wishes for thirty?” He hears her murmur then, his arm underneath her neck. His hand already caressed by hers. 

“Mhm good question. I assume you got me a chocolate cake. And..”

“Not that.” She laughs again. Her cold feet buried between his now.

“I mean.. what do you want out of your thirties. What do you hope for. What do you want to change.”

“Well.. it would be great if the pandemic could be over before my forties start.” 

“Okay I”m on it.” She answers and he grins. 

“Also.. world peace.”

“I”ll get right to it.” 

“And maybe… that you won’t leave me.”

Taylor chuckles again, turns her head to face him. 

“That one might be tough, I have to say.” She jokes, squeezes his hand a bit tighter this time. 

“Maybe some kids along the way.” He says boldly, thought about this one for quite a few seconds now and decided to just go with it. Taylor doesn’t really move. He knows this topic has become a big one in the past year. 

“That would be nice.” She answers then, not looking at him and makes him smile a bit more. 

“You know what I sometimes wonder..” She begins and he just patiently waits. “Imagine if that one night in LA had never happened.”

“What do you mean?” He asks then, still feels her small fingers drawing circles on his thumb. 

“What if we never had met that night. I mean.. we just accept the things that life throw at us, but what if we had made a single decision differently. What if that evening, I would’ve decided to stay home with the cats. Or.. what if you decided to not go to drama school and pursue acting. Imagine how.. different our lives might have been. And we never would’ve met.”

Joe doesn’t really answer her, and Taylor sits up. She moves under the blanket, so much that she can look at his beautiful face again. He seems to be thinking about what she just said. 

“A scary thought.” He says then and she laughs again. 

“Do you think so?” She asks him curiously, and it confuses him. 

“Do you not think so?” 

Taylor laughs. 

“I just.. I sometimes wonder where we would be if we hadn’t met. Or what your thirtieth birthday would look like today.” 

Joe giggles quietly, presses a big kiss against her head once more. This is one of the reasons he loves her so. Her ability to fantasize about life. Her grand imagination. One of the greatest similarities they both have. Together, Taylor and him could write book on ends about the different worlds they have created together in their minds. From watching strangers on the tube for hours, to telling their stories together through songwriting. It’s these moments in which he feels the most connected to her. Something that will hopefully never change. 

“I think I would probably still be in LA, dating someone else who I actually hate. Maybe be engaged to some douche bag just because I felt pressured to say yes.” she says with a sarcastic undertone. He knows that voice. It’s her worst-case-scenario voice. 

“I think you’d be a person as fantastic as you are now. No matter who would be on your side.” he says and she slowly looks up at him, a bit more serious than before. 

“Thank you for saying that.” She whispers, her hand playing with the little hairs in his neck. 

“What do you think you would’ve done if acting hadn’t worked out for you? Do you really think you’d work as journalist?” She asks then and he laughs again. He slowly places his hand over her shoulder and stares onto the ceiling, lost in his thoughts. 

“Yeah, I think so. I always loved theatre and film. I think I would be writing critical pieces for a magazine maybe. Probably living in a shit flat down south. Still trying to make it in acting.” 

Taylor laughs again, her eyes widening suddenly. 

“Remember that girl you were talking to back then?”

Joe just looks at her in disbelief and rolls his eyes. 

“Yeah I do.” He mumbles. 

“What was her name again?” Taylor persists and he can’t believe her.

“Liza.” 

“Yeah right Liza. What does she do now? Do you think you’d be with her?” 

Joe turns his head and looks at her. He can’t believe she is that interested in some girl he spoke through texts with, years ago. 

“I.. I don”t know. Why would I think about that”

Taylor cuddles herself closer to him and takes a deep breath. 

“Maybe then your life wouldn’t include paparazzis and people speaking about you on the internet. Or not being able to go to public without being worried that..”

“Hey, where does that come from now? None of that on my birthday.” He suddenly interrupts her a bit more serious than before. Taylor doesn’t move, just draws little circles on his naked chest. She seems uncomfortable suddenly, knows how stupid her thought just had been. 

“It would be easier, we both know that.” 

“It wouldn’t be because then I didn’t have you in my life.”

Taylor just emotionally looks up to him and smiles softly. She then nods. She believes what he says. 

“Do you think you and Liza would take a trip California together then? On your annual leave? Or maybe you would travel to California by yourself one day, on a business trip. Passing by my house.” She says in her melancholic and dreamy voice.

Joe just laughs, cannot believe this situation. The woman he love most, lays in bed with him all naked and plays this mind game of imagining him with his ex- girlfriend. 

“Why are you so obsessed with that idea.” He jokes. 

“I just think I’m crushing on alternate universe Joe.” 

This time, she really makes him laugh too. 

“You sick little thing.” He jokes and kisses her again laughing.

“Do you think we would’ve met?” 

Joe keeps staring at her, not quite sure where she’s going with this.

“What do you mean?”

“Do you think if we hadn’t met that evening and you hadn’t successfully become an actor would we.. would we ever have met?”

Joe looks at her for another second. He didn’t understand for the longest time, but he does now. A sense of sadness overcomes him, followed by huge relief and gratefulness. She was right when she said that we humans just simply accept what is without becoming more grateful for the single choices we’ve made that led us here.

“I don’t know if we would have.” he says, his hand still on her arm. A weird silence coming over them.

Taylor just remains like this for a second, then smiles again quietly and presses a kiss onto his lips before sitting up. 

“Alright, birthday boy.” She says, ends the random sad silence then and looks at him as excited as possible for his birthday. “You will stay in bed for a bit longer and give me some time to prepare your surprise birthday breakfast.”

Joe watches her get up, quickly change into her pajama shorts again and throws his big grey t- shirt right over her torso. 

He smiles. 

“I can help you make breakfast.” He says, still lazily laying in bed watching her get dressed. 

“No way!” She just says, gets closer to him and presses one last kiss onto his lips. Her bangs softly fall against his forehead, and his hand lands on her waist again. This time, she pulls away way too fast for his taste, grants him a last smile as he watches her disappear downstairs. 

Joe just turns around once more, smiles at this beautiful beginning of the day. He can’t quite belief the weather forecasts have been right this time, predicted a spring day this February. Joe takes a breath, hears the clatter of bowls and plates from the kitchen. 

Taylor was right. The more he thinks about him being 30 now, the more he wonders what he did right to get to this state of satisfaction and happiness in his life. Where did he go right? Where did he took the right turn? Said yes, when necessary and no when needed? Joe closes his eyes for a second again, wonders what would be if he hadn’t gone out that one evening in Los Angeles. More than five years ago. 

Joe opens his eyes, realizes he must have fallen asleep again and moves his body to sit up slowly. After a few minutes he gets up, walks himself down the stairs, immediately feels the cold coming from downstairs. The heating seems to have gone out again. He can’t believe the property owners didn’t take care of the heating system before, as promised. 

“Babe?” He yells downstairs, but no answer. Just when he enters the small living room, he sees her sitting there. A coffee mug in her hand, the telly on. She just turns to him and smiles. Her brown hair behind her ear. 

“Hey! Happy birthday!” She mumbles, as he already leans towards her and presses a kiss onto her lips. He still is upset about their argument last night. The same one they’ve had for a while now. About her claiming he works too much. And still not makes enough money. How he’s still trying to become an actor when he could’ve accepted that job at the publishing company that would’ve actually paid the bills. How he’s a dreamer and not a provider. How he needs to grow up. Needs to become someone she wants to be with.

Joe knows that arguments and criticism is necessary for growth. And as hurtful as it can be, he appreciates her view on things. He appreciates that she’s honest with him. Speaking her mind when it comes to his career and their relationship. Even if it hurts, at times. 

“Thanks. Heating is off again?” He asks and Liza just nods. She seems off again, just turns her head to the telly. 

“What?” 

“Nothing.” She mumbles, takes a sip off her coffee cup again. She’s still mad. He feels it in the room. “We both know that if the bills had been paid on time this month as stated in our agreement, then maybe they would’ve fixed it.”

Joe just sighs once more, wanders to the coffee machine and fills up a cup for himself. 

“It’s my birthday today. Can we just..”

“It’s fine, Joe. I won’t bring it up again.” She answers and he knows it’s not over yet. He has no clue why but at times it feels like she doesn’t even like who he’s become. Doesn’t even accept his weak side anymore. “So what do you want to do for your birthday?” She asks then, turns her head to look at him. Joe leans against the kitchen counter, looks at her. 

“I want a hug.” he then says, and Liza smirks. She sighs, places her mug on the table next to her and gets up. Joe smiles as she gets closer to him and presses a kiss onto her lips. He hugs her tightly, as she slowly lets go again. 

“You’re such a baby.” She laughs, then opens the fridge to get some inspiration for breakfast. 

“Do you want to go to the museum today?”

Joe looks at her and smiles. What a great idea.

“I’d love that actually.” 

She nods and then stares back at the fridge and sighs. “We don’t have anything anymore except for milk. Do you want to go out and get something to eat?” Joe nods, grabs the warm mug next to him and walks upstairs again. He quickly puts on his grey sweats, the old dirty sneakers, and a big hoodie. He doesn’t mind going to the shops this morning. He likes doing things for her. Especially because he knows that she’s going through enough trying to support him getting more paid roles as an actor while struggling to pay rent every month. 

Joe joggs down the stairs and leaves the house immediately. As he walks down the empty street, he checks his phone, finds messages of his mum asking him to call her back as soon as he can. Joe smiles, presses the green button and waits. The cold wind almost bruises his face. He can’t believe it’s still freezing in London at that time. 

“Happy birthday, my love.” He hears Elizabeth yell into his ears. Joe laughs while walking down the suburban neighborhood, feels so much warmth all of the sudden. He knows that Liza loves him. He knows that she would’ve celebrated his thirtieth birthday just as much if he hadn’t started a fight last night again instead of just accepting her opinion on his job. He knows all that but it still feels good to feel his mother’s excitement. After all, it’s a new decade. A new beginning. His birthday.

“Thanks mum.” He just chuckles, looking at his old sneakers with a shy smirk. 

“My darling, I hope you’ve had a beautiful morning. I can’t wait to come over and squeeze you.” She says and Joe laughs out loud. 

“Yeah mum. Already scared of that.” He jokes and makes the woman laugh too. 

“Where are you?”

“On the way to Sainsbury’s. Just getting some breakfast.” 

“Where’s Liza?” He hears his mother’s voice more concerned than before. 

“Oh, she’s at home. Heating is off again.” 

“Why didn’t she come with you? It’s your…”

“We had a little argument last night. So I fully get that she’s not in the mood to…”

“Oh she’s never in the mood for anything joyful.” He hears his mother ramble. Joe sighs, rolls his eyes slightly. He is well aware that his relationship with Liza hasn’t been easy, but that doesn’t mean that his mother can’t at least try to put her differences with Liza aside. After all, she’s the woman on his side. And he needs his mothers support for this relationship. He needs that a lot. 

“Mum, don’t be like that.” Joe says as he slowly enters the local Sainsbury’s here in Colliers Wood. He quickly grabs a cart, starts to walk down the empty market. 

“I’m sorry. I’m just happy to see you this afternoon?” The woman doublechecks and Joe, who stops right by the jam, immediately agrees. He slowly ends the phone call, compares prices and chooses the cheaper one. He then wanders down the isle and stops by the in- house bakery, grabs a bag and decides to go for the pain au chocolat. Liza’s favorite. As he almost made it to the cashier, he sees a line forming and patiently waits. Something he’s gotten so good at in the past years. Waiting. His eyes wander to the little screen in the corner of the ceiling right on the left side of the shop. A music video is on. God, this Sainsbury’s has always been a bit sleazy. 

Say you remember me, standing in a nice dress staring at the sunset babe, red lips and rosy cheeks, say you’ll see me again even if it’s just in your wildest dreams, uh uh. 

Joe keeps on staring at the woman in the music video. He was convinced that the singer had blonde hair before. Weird. While still waiting for the lady in front of him to unload her cart, Joe keeps on watching the video. It’s quite funny. The woman who’s a true Hollywood star seems to hate being in the spotlight, sings about her desire for her unreachable lover. What he would give to be in her shoes. What he would do to feel the Californian sun on his face like that. 

Joe looks down again, starts taking his items out of the card. Just a few minutes later he’s back in the cold again, wishing the heating would work again so that he could at least look forward to the warmth of coming home. Not even that is working at the moment. Just as Joe then unlocks the old door he smiles. He can’t wait to have a nice breakfast in bed together with Liza. 

“I’m home and I got you a French and bougie pain au chocolate.” He exaggerates, puts on his best French accent and has to laugh at himself because the unhealthy and cheap Sainsbury version of the pastry certainly is none of these things. Just as he closes the door, he gets confused. The telly is off. The flat is empty. Joe slowly walks closer to the kitchen counter and places the plastic bag next to him. He immediately finds a note on the counter and feels the sting in his chest. 

“Meeting mum for coffee. Back in 1 hour xx”

Joe holds the note in his hand for a few seconds, just stands there, looking at the old backyard right behind the living room door. He stands there, then crumbles the note in his fist and walks upstairs. Still in his big sweatshirt from outside, he opens his old laptop and starts to google. 

Drama School Los Angeles

Joe opens his eyes, realizes he must have fallen asleep again and moves his body to sit up slowly. He needs a few moments to find his orientation again, then feels the warm ray of sunshine on his naked back once more. After a few seconds he gets up, walks himself down the stairs, immediately feels the warmth coming from downstairs. He can hear Taylor roaming around the kitchen, immediately hears her freak out as she sees him standing there. 

“Oh no. No no no.” she says, runs towards him half naked and immediately covers his eyes. Joe, who’s still more than sleepy can’t help but laugh. He’s confused. Even though he secretly loves the effort she’s put into this morning.

“Babe, what…”

“I told you to only come downstairs once I allow you to.” She says, actually sounds a bit mad and it makes him laugh even more.

“I’m sorry but…”

“Keep your eyes closed. Just one more second.” She demands stressed and Joe does as he is told. With eyes closed, he stands in the doorway of the spacious kitchen, can already smell that she’s been baking. He laughs again, as he suddenly feels her arms around his torso and her head that’s being pressed onto his chest. 

“Open your eyes.” She whispers excitedly. Joe opens his eyes and looks at the kitchen with a big smile. Taylor has decorated the entire area with balloons and a big 30 hanging from the ceiling. There’s flowers and presents on the table as well as the dark chocolate cake that she knows he loves the most. 

“Happy birthday, baby!” She hugs him from the side. Joe can’t help but start laughing. He feels how emotional he’s getting, just hugs her a bit tighter from where he’s standing. 

“That… that’s… so beautiful.” He mumbles and Taylor laughs. She’s still in her pajamas but she’s giggling excitedly. 

“I know we’re in a pandemic and you would love to have your family here or go to a museum today, but…”

It’s this moment, when it hits Joe the most.

“No, no it’s perfect. It’s absolutely perfect.” Joe says and won’t let go off her. He presses his nose into her shoulder and breathes her in a bit more. Taylor feels immediately that something is up. He seems more emotional than before. And she doesn’t overinterpet anything to it, just holds him closely and strokes his back over his t- shirt a bit longer than before. 

“Are you okay?” She whispers then, feels Joe kiss her cheek before pulling back. He then looks at her with a serious look and nods. 

“I thought about what you asked before and I just want you to know, we... we would’ve met. We definitely would’ve met.” 

Taylor looks at him a bit confused, enjoys her chest still being pressed against his. 

“You think so?” She asks quietly and Joe kisses her bangs again. 

“It was meant to be this way.” 

Taylor smiles at him, likes that thought a lot. She feels Joe reach for her face and lets him kiss her softly. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you, too. Happy birthday.”

[fanmoose12]

catch me if you can

Сharacters: Hange Zoe, Levi, Erwin Smith, Kenny Ackerman

Genres: Mystery / Romance

Summary: The Ackerman duo. Just the mention of this name filled Hange with so many feelings. Mostly, when she reread the files of their cases over and over, until her eyes watered, she felt pricking annoyance. Sometimes, when she stared at the dead bodies of those scarce unfortunates who stumbled upon their crimes, she was filled with hatred and a pushing need for revenge. Hange couldn’t deny, however, there were times when she marveled at the impudence of their crimes. And, when she was investigating the Ackerman’s cases and saw just how meticulously planned they all were, she couldn’t help but feel something close to fascination.No one knew who they were. No one had seen their faces, no one knew their true names. Almost everyone knew of their crimes.Hange was determined to unravel every last one of their secrets. She will put an end to their crimes and then she will get the elusive Ackermans behind bars.

Chapter 5/?

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Hange took one deep breath, then another. She clenched and unclenched her fists. Started counting to ten in her head, only to stumble at three.

Nothing worked. The anger, the frustration, the little voice at the back of her mind, the one that whispered it's all your fault, you should have acted sooner, you should have been better - none of it disappeared.

And the longer she stood there, in the room with a man, who had a hole in his head, who died because of her, the harder it became to ignore it all.

If only she was smarter, if only she was more dedicated, if only she worked harder and didn't run away on dates like a lovesick teenager, all of it could have been evaded. The man, young man with a loving family - a weeping wife and confused children - could have been saved.

If only.

Another deep breath, and Hange reached her tipping point.

"Fuck!" she exclaimed suddenly, kicking the wall next to her so fiercely, the impact of the kick reverberated through her leg.

A moment ago, everyone else in the room had only been sending her quick, nervous glances. Now all of them were staring right at her with unmasked panic and concern.

Great, just great. Seemed like she had once again proven why she was called Crazy Hange.

"Proceed with your work!" she barked at other policemen.

They swiftly turned around, returning to their tasks. Looking for clues, searching for the smallest piece of evidence.

They wouldn't find anything. Not if they were at work.

"Hange," a heavy hand fell on her shoulder, and Hange jerked, whirling around. Erwin was standing behind her, his thick eyebrows furrowed in a concerned expression.

How did he manage to sneak up on her like that? How long was he standing there and she did not notice, too occupied with her tantrum?

"I'm fine," she waved him off, before Erwin could say anything.

"Are you?" his blue eyes stared deeply into hers, making her almost uncomfortable. But if there was anything Hange learnt after ten years of working under Erwin, it was how to endure his captious gaze.

"Just a little frustrated," Hange admitted, knowing Erwin would see right through her anyway. "If I wasn't—"

"No." Erwin spoke resolutely. "None of it was your fault, Hange."

"But Ackermans—"

"We don't even know if it's them."

"Bullshit," Hange hissed, lowering her voice so the others wouldn't hear them. One tantrum was more than enough for today. "No fingerprints, no sign of forced entry, no broken locks on doors or the safe, if it wasn't for the unlucky witness," her eyes darted to the dead man again, her heart growing heavier. "We would never know someone was there."

"It's just a house," Erwin reminded. "A house of a wealthy politician, but still just a house. It's too small of a fish for the Ackermans."

"And yet it was them," Hange argued. "The footprints on the snow," she pointed to the window. "Forensics says they belong to two men - one short, one tall. It fits the description of Ackermans that we have."

"Still," Erwin set his jaw. "We don't know if it's them."

"You might not know. But I do."

Looking at the doubt and disappointed that were etched on Erwin's face made her anger grow. Hange turned away from him, before the volcano inside her erupted.

There was nothing else to do here, they wouldn't find any clues, she was sure of it. But maybe someone else knew something she didn't.

Hange left the master's study, heading to the living room downstairs. The hallways stood empty and, despite the bright lights that illuminated her path, Hange felt a sense of unease settle over her. The farther she moved from the study, the quieter the house became. And when she left behind the chatter of her colleagues, quiet, agonizing sobs filled the silence.

Hange shuddered, as she walked down the stairs. The house sustained a tragedy, it was filled with so much grief it was hard not to be affected by it.

Contrary to the hallways and rooms upstairs, the living room was dark, and the only source light was coming from a fireplace that stood by the northern wall.

Next to it was an armchair, and there sat a woman - still wearing a gorgeous light green gown, she was holding a small girl in her arms.

The woman was crying just moments before Hange had showed up, her cheeks were still wet with tears and her chest raised and fell in rapid succession. She pulled herself together swiftly and efficiently, though, all signs of mourning were gone from her gaze as soon as she locked eyes with Hange.

"Did you find something useful?" she strictly demanded.

The dominance and supremacy were oozing from that woman. The sharp contrast - the expensive dress and the glistening jewels, ruined make-up on a hard, scowling face, a child in her hands, who seemingly didn't realize what had happened, who couldn't yet comprehend that her father wasn't going back, and quiet, desperate wails coming from another room and belonging, Hange guessed, to another child of the family - all of it made her breath hitch.

She wondered if the mother of the family would mind it if she sits down to the armchair that stood next to her.

Of course, she'll mind. She is the wife of an influential politic.

She was a wife of an influential politic, Hange argued with an imaginary Erwin in her head.

She sighed and fell down in that armchair. She didn't care if the grieving widow next to her minded or not. She was so damn exhausted.

"We are working on it," Hange said, taking off her glasses and cleaning them with a sleeve.

"You should work harder," the widow seethed.

Yeah, Hange thought, tell me something I don't know.

"So you have no lead? No idea who could have killed my husband?"

Hange could have told her the truth. She even wanted to. But then she thought of all possible outcomes and... If press found out that she hanged another crime on Ackermans and if they found out that she had the plan to apprehend them and still let an innocent man die... They would have her for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

Not something she was actively striving for.

"We're working on it," she repeated, and before the widow could snarl at her some more, Hange took the line of questioning into her own hands. She came here to interrogate, not the other way around. "Did your husband have enemies?"

The woman snorted. "He was a politician. Of course, he had enemies. But there was no one who hated him enough to kill."

Hange nodded. She expected as much.

"Although, there was this girl..."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, she came and went, visiting his office in all times of day. She even stopped by our house a few times. He had hired her to look for something, I guess. I don't know if she had ever found it."

"Hm".

If it was another case, the one where she didn't already know who the culprit was, Hange would have found that new bit of information intriguing. Promising, even. Alas…

"The last question, and I'll be on my way," Hange promised. "The only thing robbed is the safe. Do you know what was inside?"

The widow looked down, gently stroking the hair of her daughter. "He never told me."

Disappointing, but if Hange played her cards right, just in a few days, they would be able to find it out for themselves.

God, interrogating those Ackermans... That surely would be a blast. Hange was beyond excited at the prospect.

"Thank you for your cooperation," she said, rising to her feet. She fixed her jacket and shirt and gave the woman a curt nod. "If you remember something else or need our help, I left my number at the table in the office. Don't hesitate to call at all times of day. And don't worry," Hange smiled, faintly, tiredly, but smiled. "Your husband will be avenged.”

***

It was his last day in the city. Levi thought he'd be feeling melancholic, nostalgic, plain sad. Instead he felt... nothing. The last night encounter, the glassy eyed, dead man... It had shaken him more than he could have expected.

Maybe, Kenny was right. He was too softhearted.

Maybe, that was the exact reason why he was holding a phone right now, contemplating if he should call her.

He wanted to. Perhaps, he also needed to.

It was his last day in the city, and Levi didn't want to leave without saying goodbye. He didn't want to leave without seeing Hange one last time.

Fuck it, he decided. He was a thief, right? Only natural for him to steal one last moment with Hange.

He opened their last chat.

hey, want to hang out this evening?

He pressed send before the doubt could resurface.

The reply didn't come immediately. He expected just as much. He wanted, hoped that Hange would answer immediately, but that was unrealistic desire. Hange was probably working, and, thanks to him and Kenny, she probably had to deal with even more work than usual.

He didn't expect an immediate answer, so Levi went to the kitchen to brew himself a cup of tea. He then went to his room and started packing his things.

One hour passed, two, three.

No reply.

There was nothing left for him to do - with his suitcase full and apartment clean, he didn't know how to occupy himself.

Sitting in his room and staring at his phone like a loser seemed too pathetic even for him.

He was beginning to contemplate if he should call Hange instead of texting, when his phone screen finally lighted up. He eagerly opened the message.

I'm busy.

He stared at the text for a few moments, not quite sure what to make out of it.

It seemed so cold, so detached. So unlike Hange.

He deserved it, though, he knew he did. Question was - did Hange know it too?

So that was it then. The end of... Whatever he and Hange had.

An almost all consuming sense of hollowness settled in his chest as he came to this realization.

It didn't go according to the scenario he had envisioned in his head. But that's how it went in the end. Hange was busy and he was leaving. There was nothing he could do about it.

Wallowing in self-pity wasn't going to make him feel any better, so Levi forced himself to move. He hid the phone into his pocket and rose to his feet.

He walked out of his room, searching for Kenny.

He wasn't in his own room, packing his things like Levi had told him to. He wasn't in the living room, lazing on a coach with a bottle of beer and cigarette, either.

Instead he was in a kitchen, sitting behind a dining table with legs propped up on chair. Kenny was talking with someone on a phone, a suspicious smile playing on his lips. That smile wasn't the usual malicious or greedy one, no, that one was uncharacteristically pleased. It seemed like whoever he was talking to, Kenny liked them.

That made Levi pause and narrow his eyes, staring intently at his uncle.

"Thanks for the offer, dear, I'll call you back as soon as me and my nephew polish your plan a bit.”

Levi was barely fast enough to catch his jaw. Dear? Plan? The hell Kenny was talking too?

"Levi!" putting the phone down, Kenny turned to him with that weird smile still plastered on his lips. "It's good you're already here. I have great news! I found another job for us!"

An- another job? Levi couldn't believe what he was hearing. Surely Kenny couldn't be serious.

"We are leaving the city this night," Levi gritted, boring holes into his uncle. "Did you forget about that?"

"Ah, that," Kenny waved his hand and Levi had to stop himself from breaking that hand. "We have to postpone it a bit. Just one job, and we can leave."

Anger was starting to boil inside him. There was so much of it - remnants of last night's incident, frustration brought to him by Hange's text - that Levi had trouble breathing. He balled his hands into fists, resisting the growing urge to lash out at Kenny.

"You promised," he spoke in a voice so low, so tense it was barely audible. "You promised we would leave after the last job."

"And we fucked it up, didn't we?" Kenny retorted, the smile slipping from his lips. His expression darkened, as he met Levi's scowl squarely. "And if we're going to leave like you keep pushing me to, then we need money, Levi. And this job will provide us with enough to last for a few years."

"You said the same thing about last job," Levi reminded, refusing to back down.

"And I was wrong about that," Kenny rolled his eyes. "But this job isn't from Reiss. It's from someone I trust."

Levi arched an eyebrow doubtfully, and Kenny muttered a curse.

"As much as I can trust someone," he admitted with a sigh. "It's a legit job, and it's fairly easy."

"How easy?"

"We already have a plan of the building, a way to the vault and even a way out."

"And what's the catch?" Levi frowned. "If someone has that much info and opportunities, why ask for our help?"

"Ah," Kenny grinned. "Traute is very smart. Very talented too, but, unfortunately, she is not as good at dealing with safes and locked doors as you are."

"Traute? Who the fuck is that?"

"Oh right, you haven't met her. Traute used to be... a partner of mine," the not so subtle implication and the dreamy look in Kenny's eyes made Levi wince. There was nothing in the world he was less interested in than Kenny's partners. "We had so much fun in the past... During the heists and, you know..."

"I don't, and I don't want to," Levi grumbled. "Get to the point, Kenny. When are you planning to rob the place? We can't stay here for too long."

The weird thing was that, despite his insistency and constant urgency, Kenny didn't even ask why they had to leave, and so swiftly. It left Levi with two possible explanations - either, his uncle knew something too, or, he trusted him enough not to question his motives. Levi wasn't sure which one was more outlandish.

"In two days," Kenny answered. "If we're lucky, we'll be able to get on a plane that very same night. If we're extra lucky," he wiggled his eyebrows. "Traute will agree to go with us."

"In that case, I'd better run to another part of the world."

"It will go smoothly," Kenny rose up, reaching out to clasp his shoulder. "Don't you worry. No surprises this time."

Levi wished he could believe him.

***

"No!" Traute raised her hands as soon as the unhinged detective started approaching her. "No hidden cameras, wires or other stuff. It's too risky."

Kenny, that sly bastard would find them either way, no matter where detective Hange decided hide the devices. Setting a trap on him was already dangerous as it was, they did not need additional hazards.

"I can't just let you go there unsupervised," detective Hange glowered, running a hand through her hair in frustration. Traute almost felt bad for her, she could only imagine how much stress the detective was under. The operation and recent murder, all of it fell onto her and she was already on a verge of breakdown. Traute could see it in her red-rimmed eyes and sagged shoulders. "What guarantee do I have that you won't betray us?"

Traute huffed. The answer to that was laughably obvious. "Because I value my freedom much more than a man I used to rob banks with fifteen years ago. I know it's hard for you," it was hard for her too, trusting someone from police to keep their word. However, detective Hange seemed like a sort of person who wouldn't back out on a promise. That sort of people infatuated Traute, but Hange appeared as an honest, trustworthy person. Maybe, in another life, Traute would have respected that. Or, maybe, Hange Zoe would have irritated her even more. But as it was now, Traute had no choice but to rely on her. And she needed Hange to do the same. She laid a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it softly. "You have to trust me. It's the only guarantee I can give to you."

"If this fails—" Hange sighed, pushing the hair out of her face. For a second, Traute saw a look of uncertainty on her face, but Hange blinked and it was gone. "This operation can't fail," she declared passionately.

The newfound fire in her eyes was almost inspiring.

Traute found herself smiling at her. "It won't."

"Alright," Hange rubbed her hands together, turning to her desk. "Let's run through the plan one more time. You come to the Ackermans and..."

"I show them the blueprints you gave me."

"Right," Hange nodded, satisfied. "And then what do you say..."

"I say..."

***

"This entrance will be left unguarded," Traute tapped her finger against the small dot on a drawing. "You two can sneak in and then..."

"And how do you know that it will be unguarded?"

Traute huffed, rising her gaze from the blueprints. Although, considering the height of Kenny's nephew, she didn't need to raise it too high. He was as short as he was irritating. Traute now knew why Kenny never introduced them. Kenny was an asshole, who could backstab you seemingly at the smallest whim, but, at least, talking with him was pleasant. The same, unfortunately, couldn't be said for his nephew. It was the fifth time he had interrupted her in the last ten minutes. Calling him annoying was starting to become an understatement.

"Levi, give Traute a break," Kenny cut in. "She knows what she's doing, believe me."

This didn't seem to placate Levi. "I just want to know what I'm getting myself into."

Jesus. And she thought Kenny was too suspicious.

"Go on, dear," Kenny urged. "Don't mind my nephew, he still hasn't learnt his manners."

"Then you move to this hallway," Traute continued, ignoring Levi's glare she felt at the back of her head. She couldn't wait until this goddamned mission would be over. She'd be ecstatic to see him behind bars. "It leads right to the vault..."

"And what can we steal from museum's vault? Don't they put everything valuable on display?"

God, another interruption and Traute would throttle the annoying midget.

"They don't always put originals in there," she gritted through her teeth, showing him the glare of her own. "And if you take a painting or two from that vault, it'll be enough to last you for a lifetime."

"That is," Levi didn't back down. "We find a buyer."

"Oi!" Kenny clasped his back. "Don't embarrass me, Levi! Of course, Traute already found a buyer, that's how these things are always done," he turned to Traute then, looking her up and down. "You found someone already, right?"

"Of course," Traute nodded, hiding a smile that threatened to break her face at just the thought of their so called buyer. Would serve the two assholes well, for all the frustration they were causing her right now. "All you need to do is steal the paintings."

"And you? What are you going to do in the meantime?"

"I'm taking care of security cameras and alarms."

"Hm," was all Levi had uttered, and Traute had never thought that just a short sound could make her go nearly insane with anger.

He surely had a talent.

Kenny looked over the blueprints, scratching his beard. "So those paintings..."

***

"So those paintings would actually be there? The vault won't be empty?" Traute asked, staring at Hange in surprise. That seemed like an unnecessary risk. Should anything go awry...

"We have to catch them red-handed, remember? But we won't put originals in here. Just something that could be mistaken for them in the dark."

That part could easily backfire too. Of course, detective Hange had already mentioned the dark room, and that would undoubtedly make identifying the paintings a lot harder, but still... Kenny was insanely good at that kind of stuff. It was natural, of course, considering how many years he had spent in this line of job.

"They could realize it's a forgery," Trautedecided to voice her doubts.

"They could," Hange agreed. "But if something goes wrong and they manage to escape with original paintings..." she dropped her head into her hands, letting out a quiet whine. "Dawk will have my head. All brass would have my head, press would have my head, even Erwin..." she shuddered. "Even he would have my head."

"Alright," Traute nodded, more than a little disturbed by detective's shaking shoulders. "Should we move on?"

"Yes!" Hange exclaimed, way too loudly. She raised her head and the almost manic look in her eyes made Traute even more alarmed. She wanted to ask if maybe they should take a break, detective Hange looked like she really needed it, but she started talking before Trautecould even open her mouth.

"You have the most important job, Caven," Hange said, putting hands on her shoulders and staring straight into her eyes. "We can’t put a police officer in the security control room, that could raise Ackermans’ suspicion, so you’ll be the one monitoring their movement. You need to watch Ackermans closely, and you have to make sure they use the exit we'll be patrolling."

"We? How many 'we' are you talking about?"

"Not much. We can't risk attracting attention, so we can't use a lot of people. The team will consist of me and a couple of other officers."

That was a smart choice. A choice that maybe would lead to success of the whole operation.

Once Kenny told her that cops smelled so bad he could actually feel their stench from miles away. Traute wasn't very keen on finding out if it was a particularly bad attempt at humor or another talent of his.

"Once we catch them and apprehend them, your sentence will be cut in half. And that's it."

***

"That's it?" Levi scrunched his nose. "Sounds—"

"Amazing!" Kenny guffawed, shooting Traute a brilliant smile. "Thank you for this offer, dear. You won't regret it."

Oh. Traute was most certain she would not.

"If you want to know more, you can ask—"

"No need," Kenny assured her. "We've heard everything we needed to."

Good. Because Traute told them everything she knew. Should they ask for more details, she'd have to resort to lying and improvising. And that could not only damage their operation, it could also raise Kenny's suspicion. Traute was good at lying, and Kenny... Kenny was good at seeing through everyone's lies.

She grabbed her purse, eager to get out of here as quickly as possible. "I'll see you..."

"In two days," Kenny promised. "We'll be there, don't worry. We're not stupid enough to let this opportunity slide. Well," he grinned. "Levi here might be a little stupid—"

"Oi!" Levi hissed, looking just like an angry cat.

Traute rolled her eyes, watching the two men bicker. She was more than done with them.

"In two days," she reminded them.

She wasn't sure if they heard her, and, frankly, she didn't care. She knew they would show up. Kenny wasn't a man to pass a good job.

She walked out of the hotel room Kenny had rented, because of course the distrustful jerk couldn't let her see their apartment, and exhaled in relief.

The first part was done.

She took out her phone, typing a short message for detective Hange.

The trap is set ***

His eyes were already hurting, watering because of his intense stare, but Levi persevered, looking over the blueprints once again. There got to be something he missed. Some minor detail, a small, miniscule catch.

There got to be. This theft couldn't possibly be so easy.

Several extremely expensive paintings just lying around in some vault? Without any guards to protect them?

Either the museum stuff was incredible careless and unprofessional, or... Traute was lying to them.

It was the most plausible explanation, and yet... Kenny seemed to believe her. He trusted her, as much, of course, as Kenny could trust someone who wasn't himself.

And if Kenny, the most distrustful bastard in the world, trusted someone, it meant that the person had already proved themselves to him ten times over.

However... However Levi still felt uneasy.

And so he continued staring at the blueprints, searching for something that most probably wasn't even there.

He studied the image so intently, he missed the moment when the screen of his phone that lied next to him lightened up. It lightened up a second time, two minutes later, but Levi paid no attention to it either. It was only when it started ringing, startling him, that he finally looked down at it.

He blinked a few times, not quite believing what he was seeing.

Hange was calling him.

He rushed to take the device in his hands, his finger trembling as he accepted the call.

"Hi," he greeted, his voice shaking so slightly.

"Hi!" Hange replied, sounding a little out of breath. Levi wondered what was she doing and where was she. He heard some noises, cars honking and wind blowing. Was she outside? "I didn't wake you up, did I?"

Levi glanced at the clock hanging on a wall beside him. It was almost two in the morning. He didn't even notice.

"No. I haven't gone to bed yet."

"You should," Hange said, and Levi closed his eyes, picturing her slightly frowning face. She probably narrowed her eyes and pushed her glasses up in attempt to look more serious. "It's late. Don't you have work in a morning? Where is it that you're working, by the way? I don't quite remember..."

Because Levi had never told her.

He blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. "I'm working in accounting."

"Oh right! Is it exciting?"

Levi's lips twitched, as he fought back a smile. "It has its moments."

"Good! It's important to love your work!"

Levi snorted. "You have way too much energy for two am, you know that?"

"Sorry," Hange laughed. "It's been a long day, or a week..." she trailed off. "Perhaps even a month... Sorry for calling so spontaneously, I just... wanted to hear your voice, I guess."

God, what a nuisance. Making his heart skip a beat just with a couple of words. Either Hange possessed some kind of super power or... he was just that pathetic.

He didn't realize it, but he missed the sound of her voice too. And her face, her lively expressions, radiant smiles. Maybe, they could...

"Hey, Levi," Hange brought him back to present. "Can we facetime?"

So now she was a mind reader as well?

“Alright," he said, trying not to sound too eager. Hange didn't need to know just how much he enjoyed her company.

"Great! I'll call you a back in a moment!"

Levi used that moment to check himself in the mirror behind him. His blue hoodie seemed good enough, not too wrinkled and without any stains. He ran a hand through his hair, smoothing it, and forced himself to relax. It was just a simple phone call, nothing to lose his mind over.

In the next second, his phone started ringing again, and he almost smiled.

Nothing to lose his mind over, he reminded himself as he accepted the call. He raised the phone to his face and went to sit on the bed.

Hange waved at him, grinning goofily. Her face was barely illuminated by a phone screen, but even in the darkness Levi saw purple circles under her eyes. She looked utterly exhausted, and yet... inexplicably relaxed.

"It's good to see your face," Hange said, forcing his heart to skip yet another beat. "Wanna see something cool?" without waiting for reply, she turned the phone around, showing Levi a view of a street below from her balcony window. Hange lived in the middle of a city, a few blocks away from him. The night city was splendid - bright, vibrant, alive. The lights poured from every side and even now, in the middle of the night, the streets down below were full of life.

He was going to miss this.

Although, as much as he appreciated the view of the city he grew in, Hange's face was far more interesting for him right now.

Not knowing how to ask her to turn the camera back without sounding utterly moronic, Levi let out a tch sound, and grunted, "get inside. You're going to catch a cold in weather like this."

"Nah," Hange's face was finally staring back at him. "I've got this to keep me warm," she pointed to a blanket that was sliding down her shoulder, showing her sharp clavicle. "And this!" she lifted a bottle of beer, drinking from it.

Levi rolled his eyes. "It's not very professional to get drunk in the middle of a week, you know."

"I won't get drunk on one beer," Hange argued, wiping her mouth. "Besides... It helps to calm my nerves. I have a big day tomorrow..."

He was going to have a big day, or, rather night tomorrow too.

Fuck it, Levi decided, getting to his feet.

"I'll be back," he told Hange and hurriedly left the room, confused 'heys' following after him.

He returned a moment later, holding a bottle of beer of his own.

"Cheers," he grunted, opening it and taking a swing.

"It's not very professional to get drunk in the middle of a week, you know," Hange mimicked his voice, accompanying it by a horrible parody of his face expression.

"It's your damn influence," he shot back.

As he took another swing, all tension that was building inside his shoulders ever since their last theft disappeared. Perhaps, Hange was right and beer did help. Or, perhaps, it was Hange's bright smile that relaxed him so.

"What are you doing this weekend?" Hange asked.

Hopefully, leaving this city behind, Levi thought, but decided not to voice his thoughts. Instead, he shrugged, mumbling, "dunno yet."

"There is a skating rink, it's right outside the precinct," Hange smiled dreamily, playing with her hair. "I have been staring at it for days now, people are having so much fun! Do you want to go?"

"I—"

"It's okay if you don't!" Hange quickly assured. "We could go to some other place or maybe not go anywhere at all..."

"I don't know how to skate," Levi mumbled, embarrassed all of a sudden. "Never learnt."

"I can teach you!" Hange offered, the sparkle in her eyes burning so brightly, Levi could see it through a phone screen. "We would probably end up with dozens of bruises, but it'll be fun, I swear! And then we could order hot cocoa, warm up at a cozy cafe..."

None of it was going to happen, but it was two in the morning and the beer left a bitter taste in his mouth, making him feel snug and comfortable, so he let himself indulge in that little fantasy Hange had created. He imagined a skating rink, illuminated by soft, pretty colors. He tried to imagine how skates would feel on his legs, how they would make him slightly taller. And he imagined Hange's hand in his, her deep melodic voice explaining him how to move his legs and keep his balance. He could almost hear her laughter and feel the cold sipping through the back of his pants as both of them came tumbling down in a heap of limbs.

"I see you like the idea," Hange gently teased, taking note of the content expression on his face. "Then it's settled!"

"Alright..." Levi murmured, washing the feeling of regret with another gulp of beer.

Maybe, he shouldn't have been so adamant about leaving.

No. Levi instantly stopped himself. They had to leave. Because if they wouldn't, Hange would find out who he really was.

Hange liked him, but not the real him. She liked Levi the accountant. If she knew Levi Ackerman, the famous thief, she'd hate him.

And he didn't wish for that to happen.

"It's getting late," he noted, the clock on his phone showing almost three in the morning. "We should go to bed."

"Yeah," Hange mumbled, yawning. She finished her beer and gave Levi a soft, sleepy smile. "Thanks for talking with me, Levi. I appreciate it. And..." she paused, picking at the wrapping on the bottle. "I just wanna say... I'm glad life threw us together."

"It wasn't life," Levi scoffed. "You fell down on me."

Hange chuckled, scratching her neck in embarrassment. "Maybe, it was fate... Maybe, some deity wanted me to fall for you..."

"That was terrible," Levi grunted, making Hange giggle. "Go to sleep already."

"I'll call you soon, alright?"

"I'll be waiting," Levi promised.

Hange smiled one last time and disconnected.

Levi stared at the now black screen for another moment.

He broke out of his trance with a low curse. He was getting too pathetic for his own good.

He finished the beer and took off his hoodie, heading to the bathroom.

Hange was right. A big day was ahead of him.

***

“Traute is already in the control room,” Kenny informed. “If anything goes wrong, she’ll tell us.”

Levi nodded, hoping than nothing would go wrong this time. For now, it seemed like it truly wouldn’t.

Just as Traute had promised, getting inside was almost laughably easy. No guards, no alarm, the backdoor wasn't even locked.

"Stealing is becoming too easy, eh, Levi?"

He leveled Kenny with a long, hard look.

It was a good thing Levi made them wear a mask. There didn't seem to be any security cameras - at least, he couldn't see any that were still functional, it seemed like Traute had held her end of the bargain. But Levi didn't allow himself to relax.

Relax, and they could fuck up again.

However, masks gave him at least some semblance of comfort. They were cheap, ridiculous things bought by Kenny at a carnival during one of his drunken adventures. They did their job, though. If there was a hidden camera somewhere or they happen upon a lonely guard or late working employee, no one would see their faces.

Perhaps, they would be able to avoid another senseless murder then.

They quietly moved through the hallway, and as they did so, it was hard for Levi not to gawk at his surroundings. A painting here, an antique tapestry and extravagant vase there. He was honestly surprised Kenny hadn't started grabbing everything he could. If so much stuff was located there, in a dark-lit hallway, Levi could only imagine what was waiting for them in the vault.

He turned around the corner, coming to a stop in front of the stairway. Everything was just as Caven had planned it. And yet... the worry lingered.

"We don't have all night, brat," Kenny gave him a rough push.

Levi sent him another dark glare, but complied, starting his descent. The vault was there, at the end of the stairway.

Grab the paintings, and he was free. They could leave the city, save themselves.

Leave everything behind.

Levi gulped, swallowing a lump that appeared out of nowhere. Get yourself together, he scolded himself, taking another step down.

Soon the door to the vault was right in front of them. Not wasting another second on doubts and worries, Levi dropped to his knees, taking out his instruments and starting to work on a lock.

"There," just after a few seconds, the lock was dealt with. Levi stood up, pushing the door open. "Let's get this over with."

***

The street seemed so empty. No car passing by, no peculiar pedestrian or even a stray cat, only a bright red light of some bar's signboard that kept flicking on and off. Just like the street they parked at, the bar appeared to be devoid of any life.

Hange scoffed, jerkily moving a lock of hair from her face. She never thought she would say it about one of the most important missions in her life, but she felt bored.

She wanted the action to start already. Wanted to rush in there, catch the damned Ackermans in the act and then revel in the shock and fear in their eyes.

The satisfaction Hange would get out of this surely would be more than enough to overshadow all frustration the thieves had caused her.

"Hange," Mike shook her shoulder. "Caven had just given a signal. The Ackermans are inside the vault."

Finally!

Without wasting any second, Hange opened the door of the police van and jumped out on a street. She heard Erwin's exasperated curse but didn't stop to listen to him, rushing to the entrance of the museum.

Finally, finally, finally.

A whole year of hard work, of everyone doubting her and telling her to just quit, and now she was there, had Ackermans trapped just like she had planned to.

Hange smiled as she felt other footsteps joining hers, the rest of the team already on the move.

No one had believed in her, not even Erwin, but Hange had proved them all wrong. She had done the impossible, caught thieves who were considered untraceable and invisible.

All Hange had to do now was claim her reward.

***

The vault was very different from what Levi had envisioned for himself. He imagined something big, grand, something appropriate for the spectacular art the room was holding.

But in reality, he and Kenny entered a dark, narrow and dusty room. It looked more like a closet than an actual vault.

Kenny didn't waste time surveying his surroundings. He dived in, taking the first thing he happened upon. He unfolded the parch of paper, tilting his head to study it more closely.

"Flashlight, Levi," he demanded, outstretching his hand.

Levi handed it to him, getting to work himself. He wasn't nearly as skilled in art as Kenny was, but seven times out of ten he could distinguish original from forgery just as easily.

"Seems legit," Kenny muttered. "Looks like Traute didn't lie."

Levi paused for a second, turning to stare at his uncle. Here he was, tormenting himself with doubts, and Kenny wasn't so sure about their alliance either?

"You didn't trust her?"

Kenny barked a short laugh. "I wouldn't still be alive, kid, if I trusted people left and right."

"Then why have you agreed to the job?"

"Because," he shrugged. "I wouldn't still be doing it if it wasn't for greed."

Levi scoffed. Of course. What other answer could he expect from Kenny.

"We'll use other exit, by the way," Kenny remarked, shooting a quick glance at Levi. "You studied the blueprints well, right?"

"As best as I could."

He could close his eyes and see it clearly, all entrances and exits, all dead ends and turns. Seemed like feeding Levi's suspicion was a part of Kenny's plan as well. Scheming bastard.

"Then come up with a different route. And quickly," Kenny shoved another folded painting into his backpack. "We're almost done here."

Levi started thinking, turning the imaginary blueprint in his head this and that way. There was only one way to exit the vault. The stairway was inevitable too. But once they reached the hallway, they could take another turn and head to the front entrance. It was a bold move, too bold, perhaps, they didn't know if guards were stationed in other parts of museum or not, but it was the only way.

"Alright," Kenny seized his shoulder. "We're done here. Are you ready?"

Levi nodded and immediately started moving, leading Kenny out.

They left the vault and the stairway was empty. Still, Levi stopped for a second, listening closely. The museum above them seemed silent. Feeling a little more confident, he quickened his pace, taking two steps at a time.

As he reached the top of the stairway, he drew a deep breath, walked into the hallway—

And came face to face with Hange.

*** Hange doubled down, taking one shallow breath after another. Perhaps, Erwin was right in scolding her. She was a little too excited to get there. And now she was completely out of breath.

That won't do, she thought. She didn't want to face Ackermans panting and sweaty.

Hange straightened out, pushed her glasses up and fixed her shirt and coat.

She glanced over her back, giving Mike and Erwin a slight node. They nodded back and Hange took out her gun. The recent murder had proved that Ackermans were always armed and they didn't hesitate to kill. She hoped she wouldn’t need the gun, but just in case…

Hange took another deep breath and prepared to rush in.

However, before she could take a single step forward, two figures appeared right in front of her.

She grinned triumphantly.

Seemed like luck was on her side tonight. Ackermans came straight into her arms.

***

Levi didn't know how long he would have stayed there, staring into Hange's eyes, if it weren't for Kenny's hand that grasped his sleeve and pulled him forward.

"Shit!" Kenny shouted, as they started running.

The rest of Hange's team - Levi didn't know how many there were, there was no time to stop and glance back - followed after them.

Hange was on the front, hot on their heels.

Damn her long legs, Levi cursed.

So Traute had betrayed them, sold them out to police. She was going to pay for that, Levi could clearly see it in the way Kenny gritted his teeth.

"Stop!" Hange shouted. "You're surrounded, there's no point in running!"

"We'll see about that," Kenny muttered and pushed Levi sideways, forcing him to take a sharp turn.

They could have split up, perhaps, it would slow down their pursuers, but Levi knew it was pointless. There were too many of them to create an efficient diversion.

"Do you remember the blueprint?" Kenny breathlessly asked.

Levi nodded, catching his gaze behind the ridiculous mask.

"Good. Then I have an idea. We need to lose at least some of our tail first. Make them stumble."

Levi nodded again, and suddenly took a turn, running to the door. It was another risky move, the door could have been closed, but, thankfully, their luck haven't died out yet. Levi tumbled inside the dark room. If he remembered correctly, there had to be another door at the other side. He located it fairly quickly and headed there. He opened the door, waited for Kenny to get through and pushed it closed, careful not to look behind his back. If he met Hange's eyes again, he wasn't sure he would be able to look away.

He ran into the hallway and took the first door to his left. He kept pushing forward, leaving one room and going into another. Soon the sound of footsteps that followed after them had decreased. However, someone was still pursuing them. Levi prayed it wasn't Hange.

"That will do nicely," Kenny grinned as they appeared in the middle of another long hallway. "Good job, Levi," he threw, coming to a sudden stop.

Levi's heart stopped as he saw Kenny take out his gun. His knees nearly gave out beneath him as he saw Hange appear at the end of the same hallway.

Kenny's hand shot up, aiming the gun right at her head.

Kenny never missed, Levi knew that. He was a witness to his uncle's incredible skills just days ago. The light fading from that man's eyes, his face forever etched in the expression of fear, Levi could never forget that.

He couldn't let Hange suffer the same fate.

He couldn't and— he wouldn't.

It all happened in a span of a heartbeat.

Levi looked up, saw Kenny's finger at the trigger, saw it move and curl and—

And just before he could pull it, just before the shot rang, Levi launched himself at Kenny, pushing the arm with a gun down.

The shot still rang, Hange still screamed. She swayed, falling against the wall—

Kenny never missed, and this time wasn't an exception. But it was as close to exception, as one could get. He hadn't shot her head or her heart. Hange was clutching her shoulder, her already bloodied shoulder, the sight of which made Levi almost ran to her, made his hands tremble with desire to help.

It took all of his willpower to stay put.

Hange was alive, wounded, but still alive. Levi could breathe again.

As Levi was watching Hange, Kenny was watching him. Levi could feel the weight of his gaze, burning into the side of his head. He tore his eyes away from Hange, staring back at his uncle. Kenny's eyes were full of anger and incomprehension. Before he could reach any conclusion, though, they heard approaching footsteps.

"Hurry up," Kenny curled his hand around Levi's forearm, roughly yanking him forward.

Levi stole another glance at Hange, his heart breaking as he saw her slowly pushing herself up, determination pushing her forward despite the injury.

"I'm sorry," he mouthed and left her behind.

[notnctu]

under the mistletoe | l.ty

lee taeyong x fem!reader genre - fluff, barely humor idk, very little bit of angst details - enemies to lovers!au, childhood friends that have been apart, high school!au warnings - explicit language, one mention of death, there’s a kiss scene lol word count - 2.7k  synopsis - the holiday season brings a change of heart this year. you see your old friend, now enemy, Lee Taeyong at Mark’s Christmas gathering and through snowman shaped cookies, you two re-kindle your old friendship. 

a/n - this is for @neoculturechristmas​ ‘s secret santa collab! this piece is dedicated to @soliverse​ :) hello lovie!! i’m your secret santa!! i hope you like it and im sorry that it’s not funny LOL thank you for letting me participate in such a fun holiday collab! im so happy to be able to write a fic for another writer:)

Through the heavily crowded Christmas party, through the people that dare walk in your way, you still see him in the midst of the chaos. Lee Taeyong stands only a few feet from you, in a ridiculous Christmas sweater and messy frosty hair. The universe is absolutely obsessed with placing you two in uncomfortable situations, as if the fuming feud between you two is not enough.

His absentminded actions cause him to foolishly knock over someone’s drink, what a fucking clutz. Rolling your eyes, you wander off in search of your good friend to announce your departure for the night.

“Already? Y/N, you got here like, five minutes ago.” Mark mixes the glass bowl that is filled to the brim with red sugary punch. Any forceful spin will have it spilling from the rim, and that won’t be the only mishap of the night that you witness. “What’s the rush? It’s Christmas Eve!” 

And before you can utter the blacklisted name to explain your sudden change of heart, the culprit walks in with his stunned puppy eyes that grow sharp and a frown at your appearance. There is a small spark in the shared eye contact until it completely drops and he returns to ignoring your presence. 

“Mark, where are your napkins? I spilled something in your living room.” It had to be a whole year since you’ve last heard his voice and you still remember his low cadence whenever he was trying to be cool. Cool and mysterious Taeyong, and how he lives up so perfectly to his title. However, there was a moment in time that you knew him for more than that. He was warm and comforting Taeyong. 

While he tried so hard to be winter on the outside, spring bloomed blossoms on the inside and a bright sunshine radiated enough for you to witness its glow. You wished to stay with his spring for as long as you possibly could, but like the changing seasons, Taeyong eventually changed with it.

“It’s in the upper cabinet.” Mark does not realize the initial situation in the room, merrily going back to his large bowl of delicious liquid. It takes one big sigh from you for your friend to finally realize the elephant in the room and the unknowingly stiff tension in the kitchen. Mark’s eyes grow a bit bigger and as subtle as he tried to be, he clears his throat, “I think Christmas is all about joining together and being in each other’s company. Stay, Y/N.”

Mark did not choose his words wisely as Taeyong peeks over his shoulder, catching the last words of his sentence. “You’re leaving already, Y/N?” That is the first time he’s acknowledged you in the past few years.

There is an internal battle of whether or not you should acknowledge him back. Crossing your arms, you grumble something underneath your breath. “Why do you care?” 

“I don’t.” Taeyong says sternly, making sure he asserts his nonchalant attitude. “Just sucks that Mark threw such a happy Christmas party for his good friend to leave.” He slings an arm around Mark’s shoulders, snuggling his face into the side of Mark’s chocolate colored hair.

And Mark dares to show a small smile of affection back. “Sorry that Y/N is always walking out on things. She does that quite often.” Before you can give him a piece of your mind, Mark shoves a snowman shaped biscuit in your mouth. 

Taeyong gets away laughing, feeling an overwhelming sense of pride as he walks to clean up his other mess. You groan, biting the head of the snowman off and glaring at Mark. “Why did you let him get away with saying that to me? And when did you become friends with him again? And why are your cookies so hard?” 

“Taeyong lost a friend, like a month ago. Just be a bit empathetic, please.” Mark wipes his hands on his apron and continues kneading at a random ball of dough. If it’s one thing that Mark always does too well is overachieving at his holiday gatherings. There is a reason why he’s head of the Prom Committee and student officer for event planning at your high school.

Washing your hands, the cold water bites at your skin. It’s been a really cold winter this year. When you dry your hands off, you scoot Mark over to make room for yourself to help with his endless amount of holiday treats.

“We’ve all lost friends, Mark. Sometimes people don’t work out with others and that’s just how it goes.” There is an underlying bitterness that does not seem to fade when you speak. 

“Speaking from experience, maybe?” Mark chuckles, but dismisses the brief second of giggles to a more serious and low tone. “Not that kind of lost, Y/N. He lost a friend forever, like this person is in a forever sleep.” 

The moment the words hit the air, a chilly draft sweeps at your ankles and you freeze in your place. And as you stand with dry flour on your hands and a person you thought you’d never become warm to again stands in the next room over, your heart softens at the information and immediate guilt preoccupies your system. 

“Oh… well you should have started with that, then.” You slightly graze a finger across your nose at the faint tickle. Your mind is running at high speed, merely wondering about all the pain that Taeyong possibly felt this past month and remembering how it’s difficult for him to process his feelings. 

“He actually wasn’t going to come tonight, until I mentioned you were coming.” Mark unloads a batch of fresh cookies from the oven and replaces it with another tray. The aromatics take you back to Christmas many years ago and the memory of Taeyong getting frosting everywhere you could remember. It took weeks to get the red and green stains out of the carpet, but the laughter made up for every clumsy mistake. 

Not completely sure where the melancholic spirit erupted from, you rinse your hands and grab two cookies off the still hot tray without another response. Hurrying off, Mark yells out, “Wait-- those aren’t decorated yet!” but you choose to ignore his pleas.

Why is it harder to find him in a crowd when you are actually looking for him? Perhaps the saying, the best things in life come when you’re not looking for them, holds some truth to it. But your feet take you directly to him; he sits at the leather couch with the burning embers from the fireplace reflecting in his eyes. 

Your abrupt appearance startles him a bit, but his face falls sullen when he sees that it’s you. Shoulders touching, you’ve missed the intimacy you two use to share. The blank snowman shaped cookie feels warm in your hand as you thrust it into Taeyong’s face. “For you.” 

Taeyong scoffs, pushing your hand away lightly and looking away from the pitiful undecorated treat. “This feels like a trap.”

“No trap. Just a truce. Remember the time when I got upset at you for forgetting me in the parking lot and I told you the only way to fix it was to buy me food?” Your hand begins to drop, but Taeyong catches your wrist and takes the cookie from your possession. He gently places your hand back onto your lap.

“I know no other love language.” You explain the reasoning behind the old memory. 

“Pretty sure food isn’t a love language.” Taeyong chuckles, like Christmas carols to your ears, he sounds like home. 

“It’s not, but they all require me to be too emotionally vulnerable and you know how that makes me feel…” Your voice unintentionally trails off the end of your sentence. Does he still know how you feel? 

Taeyong’s eyebrow raises subtly, catching your implication. “You’re still the same person you were three years ago?”

Three years, has it really been that long? You nod without needing to ponder the thought. There is a stark difference between change and growth. You are who you’ve always been, that is never going to change, but you’ve grown to be stronger and a little more independent.

“That’s not surprising.” Taeyong bites at his cookie, turning the figure in his hands as he stares off to reminisce about the past. He thinks about his pain. He thinks about his own self growth. “I’ve been thinking about you recently.” 

The bold comment causes your chest to burn and your throat to grow a bit dry. Taeyong finally looks up at you, eyes dropping between your own and your lips. He doesn’t shy away from staring, taking in how much you’ve changed appearance wise since you two used to be friends. His eyelashes dance against his skin every time he blinked and the white strands of his hair fall around his crown like snowflakes. 

“Why?” 

“I learned how important it is to have friends around you. You never know when you’ll never see them again. The falling out we had should not have ruined the friendship we built for so long.” It’s difficult for Taeyong to continue with his feelings. It’s not a secret that he’s liked you since you two were close, probably half of the room is well aware of it. But there has never been a moment where he was out right too vulnerable to you, he was and is afraid of showing his feelings. 

It’s an immediate body reaction when Taeyong leans in to you and you defensively back away. The confusion shows on your face very blatantly and his dreamy laugh rattles your bones. Taeyong’s hand softly caresses your cheek as his thumb brushes the tip of your nose. “You have some flour on your face.” This skin to skin leaves you speechless as his hot hand holds your cheek so delicately, making your heart race rapidly.

“Your Christmas sweater is ugly.” That’s all you can utter, out of pure panic too. Your eyes dip away and he retracts away from you, elbows on his knees as he leans forward and ducking momentarily to examine his choice of festive clothing. 

He laughs, “it’s called an ugly Christmas sweater for a reason. It’s better than wearing a lame red sweater and calling it festive.” It’s surreal how quick things settle back into being the way that it used to be. As if the last three years of silence and constantly pretending the other didn’t exist disappeared. Taeyong is back, he’s yours again. And you hope that he’ll be by your side for longer than you had let him go.

“Red is not my color, I agree, but green is definitely not yours.” You joke back and Taeyong ruffles your hair, just like old times. The holiday spirit practically wraps its arms around you two. The holidays are really about being in each other’s warmth. In this very cold winter, you’re happy to have found an old flame that kept you from frostbite for many years. 

“Y/N, we’re putting up the mistletoe.” An acquaintance interrupts you and Taeyong, quickly grabbing your arm to follow her. Your eyes dart between her and Taeyong. One thing you know no doubt about is that you aren’t leaving Taeyong alone again, so you take his hand without another second thought and drag him along with you.

You’re all ushered into the foyer and Mark is on a step ladder under the frame of his door. He notes Taeyong by your side and discreetly smiles to himself. He securely pins it to the wall and claps his hands together to gather everyone’s attention. “We’re going to blindfold two people and they’re going to have to kiss underneath the mistletoe.” 

Your hands grow sweaty at the thought of such a risky game and immediately, you two let go of each other’s hands without realizing the clutching feeling of each other’s anxiousness. “I don’t think I’ll be chosen.” Taeyong mumbles to you as Mark and a few other people unravel the blindfolds. Nevertheless, he doesn’t sound very confident and you notice Taeyong’s shifty eyes. 

“Right. Me either.” You shrug off, trying to hide slightly behind Taeyong’s stature. However, Taeyong instantly catches the uncertainty in your voice as well. 

“Aren’t there four couples in the room?” Taeyong whispers over his shoulder at you.

Crossing your arms, you roll your eyes at his obvious thinking. “Yeah, but Mark isn’t going to choose a couple to kiss. How boring.” 

Taeyong chuckles out of disbelief at your comment. “I’ll volunteer you if you want to really spice things up.” 

And your eyes grow wide at his mischievous suggestion, pinching at his arm lightly. Underneath the fleece, Taeyong feels sturdy and strong. It’s only another reminder that you two aren’t kids anymore. “Lee Taeyong, do not. I don’t want to kiss anyone in this room.” That might’ve been a lie, even if you didn’t want to admit it to yourself that you are just a little curious how Taeyong might have matured. 

“Everyone close your eyes.” Mark excitedly smiles and everyone obliges. You gulp the pooled saliva in your mouth, trying to manifest every possible hope that you aren’t chosen in this room of twenty people. Mark wouldn’t screw you over like that, would he? The more you pondered that thought, the more you believe that he totally would.

Then, you feel a hand on your arm and you’re being guided somewhere. A cloth covers your eyes and you’re quick to snarl, “Mark Lee, this is your only Christmas present. You get no more favors from me.” your cadence is only loud enough for him to hear and though you’re robbed of your sight, Mark’s boyish laughter says enough about his enlightened facial expression.

“This is what you get for trying to leave five minutes into my extravagant party I tried so hard to put on.” Mark sarcastically comments and pats your shoulders for a last indication of reassurance.

You hear footsteps in front of you and an uncanny presence of another in your close proximity. “Okay, everyone can open their eyes.” Mark cheers and it’s not like you can see much through the dark cloth that covers your eyes, but yours open anyways.

Gasps fill the room, slight hollering and cheering. The reactions cause an unsettling stir in your lower stomach. “Kiss!” and before you know it, the unknown person searches for your face and cups it gingerly. The feeling being very familiar to a scene before.

The both of you lean in and it’s difficult with the lack of sight, but people kiss with their eyes closed right? It’s not your first kiss, but also the sense deprivation is something different. When you tilt your head and go in for it, your noses bump together clumsily. You’re slightly embarrassed, your heart is leaping out of your chest from the sudden display of affection and you’re strangling Mark in your imagination.

“I’m sorry.” You whisper, but there isn’t a response back. Instead, your partner dives in without any trace of struggle. Their lips glide perfectly with yours and it’s almost like you’re kissing snow. Any form of awkwardness melts away; their hand on your cheek feels natural and comforting. Your heart yearns for this sense of security as the same warmth from the fireplace embodies your chest. 

When you two pull away, the room bursts into a loud chaos of cheers. Before you can take off your blindfold, you can feel everyone running toward the both of you to give you excited pats on your head and arm. 

“I can’t believe that just happened!” Your friend’s voice can be heard in your ear. As you lift off the cloth, you see him in the midst of the chaos. Through the heavy dog pile of overly joyous people, Lee Taeyong stands a few feet from you in his ugly Christmas sweater, messy frosty hair and a pink hue across his pale cheeks. 

He looks over at you and shyly smiles. “Hopefully that spiced things enough for you. Happy Holidays, Y/N.” He can barely process everyone else's excitement, but he feels joyous for once. After a long cold bitter winter, he feels warm. 

“Happy Holidays, you big goof. Good to have you back.” You push at his arm, laughing happily at the ridiculously wide smile he has on his face. You’re glad to see Taeyong smile again. 

[hongism]

mists of celeste ➻ twenty-five

➻ pairing: ??? x fem reader ➻ genre: space au, pirate au, space pirate!ateez, angst, eventual smut ➻ Word Count: 5.5k ➻ Rating: M ➻ Warnings: language, violence, guns and weaponry, blood, future warnings tba ➻ summary: Sneaking aboard the ship of a renowned space pirate may not have been the best idea, but you’ll have to make do with what fate has handed to you

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act three ➻ part seven

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“Sorry to interrupt, but… Hongjoong asked to see you on the bridge, Y/N.” A breath of hesitation, just long enough to cause a spike of anxiety in your gut. “Alone.”

“Of course,” San says, tone not shifting in the slightest. He nods at Seonghwa before stepping away from you. His hand lingers on your arm a breath too long, and when you meet his gaze, the eyes looking back at you are filled with… something. You can’t read it or understand it, but you don’t have much of an opportunity to do so anyway. Instead, you let San move back and head in the opposite direction, turning to face Seonghwa once San’s back is to you.

“What’s going on?” You ask before Seonghwa can say anything. He shakes his head ever so slightly.

“Just follow me first.” You do as told even though the steps are difficult to take. Dealing with Hongjoong feels like dealing with some rabid beast. You can’t understand his line of thinking or the way he operates, haven’t spent enough time with him to figure him out. He could be planning to kill you for all you know. Seonghwa’s presence at your side helps a minimal amount, but it does nothing to ease the anxiety bubbling in your gut. One thing nags at the edge of your thoughts, and you hate to think about it because you want to trust Seonghwa.

“Why does he want to see me?” You ask, voice small and quiet. “Is it — does he know about… you know?” It hurts to say even though you’re merely alluding to the bigger picture. You want to trust Seonghwa. His steps falter and come to a halt. You pause beside him, eyes searching his face for any sign of an answer that his voice won’t give. Instead, his hands find your shoulders and push you back until your back hits the wall. It isn’t rough or forceful; his touch is light, and he moves you like you’re a piece of glass on the verge of breaking.

“I promised that I would never tell Hongjoong,” Seonghwa says as he brings his chin down to look you in the eye. The gaze behind those eyes is too intense for a moment. You dip your chin and look away before it burns you. Soft fingers trail up your bare arm, leaving a path of electric shocks against your skin, and Seonghwa only stops when his fingers brush your chin. He lifts your head a little, and you’re forced to meet his gaze again. “Why do you think I did?”

You can’t come up with an answer fast enough. All you manage to do is sputter and stammer your way through incoherent thoughts and random words that attempt to explain why you don’t trust him, but Seonghwa silences you by cupping your face.

“I made you a promise, Y/N. I intend to keep it. It’s on you to believe it. Until you do, I will keep saying it, but I can’t force you to trust me more than you already have.” You nod against his touch.

“O-Okay.”

Seonghwa’s lips twist into a soft smile. His touch lingers. It isn’t uncomfortable, but you can’t understand what’s going through his mind as he continues to look over your face in silence. A small sigh slips past his mouth. Then his breath invades yours, and warmth cascades over you. It’s sudden and brief, but you find yourself chasing his lips the moment he pulls away. You couldn’t explain why even if you tried. Your hands fly up to clasp around the back of Seonghwa’s neck and tug him back down to you again. He releases a faint noise of surprise, but he meets you halfway, hands bracing on the wall behind you. He stops it too soon this time. Probably for the best, seeing as Hongjoong is apparently waiting for you. Seonghwa lets a half-hearted laugh out.

“I’m sorry for being greedy,” he murmurs, bringing a hand off the wall to thumb over your cheek again. “I just didn’t want — nevermind. You shouldn’t keep Hongjoong waiting. I’ll be in the training room if you need me. Hongjoong just has a few questions for you, nothing too serious, so don’t worry too much, okay?”

“What about? Is something wrong? Why aren’t you coming as well? Shouldn’t you be there as the lieutenant?” The questions tumble from your lips in a rush, almost slurring together as you spit them out, and Seonghwa grins at the barrage of questions.

“All he wants to talk about is some military-related things, as far as I’m aware. Nothing about Sirens, unless you choose to bring it up. He truly did ask to see you alone, and even as Lieutenant, there are some conversations I won’t intrude upon unless my captain asks me to do so.”

“Oh,” you exhale. “I’ll just get going then.” Seonghwa pulls back from the wall, letting you out from the cage his arms had around you.

“You can come by my room after if you’d like, either to talk about it or… destress.” The playfulness returns to his eyes. You release a loud scoff.

“Just say that you want to get in my pants and go.”

Seonghwa rolls his eyes a bit, but you can tell he’s not too bothered because of the smile that stretches across his face.

“I’ll save that for later. Right now, I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I am,” you insist with a sharp nod. Seonghwa doesn’t voice his doubts. You see them in his eyes nonetheless and turn away before the inclination to tell him anything and everything hits. If he watches you walk away, you don’t know because you’re trying your best not to look over your shoulder as you continue down the corridor, this time alone. The weight of reality sinks in when Seonghwa’s presence at your side dissipates.

Hongjoong wants to talk to you.

Alone.

About military-related things.

How much effort will you have to put in to keep from having a damn breakdown in front of him? You can’t very well grab hold of his arm to ground you, but without anyone else present, what are you supposed to do?

Your fists clench tight by your side.

Maybe this is some sort of test. Perhaps he sees you as fragile and volatile, and he wants to test you to see how bad it actually is. That could be what he’s planning. He’ll probe you for information on your past to see how long it takes for you to break.

When you step onto the bridge, Hongjoong is across the room, standing before the observation window with his arms crossed over his chest. There’s nothing out there except the darkness of the hanger around the ship, so you aren’t quite sure why he’s standing there of all places. You don’t feel the need to ask him why though, more focused on the person at his side. It’s Mingi’s tall form beside him. Broad shoulders and taut muscles rippling through his shirt that leave a bad taste in your mouth. You wonder how long it would take for him to choke you to death if you so much as breathe the wrong way.

You muster up the courage to clear your throat, only feeling secure in the action because of how far away Mingi is. Hongjoong shifts and glances back at you. Blue strands of hair fold over his forehead, parted down the middle to expose a bit of the skin underneath.

“Mingi, you’re dismissed,” he orders. The tone he uses is flat and void of emotion, much to your dismay, because you were hoping to at least pick up on his current mood to know what to expect.

“Are you certain, Captain?”

Hongjoong smiles a bit, gaze soft as he looks up at Mingi.

“Yes, yes, Mingi. You’re free to go. Get some rest. You’ve been up for a long time, yeah?”

Mingi doesn’t return the smile, but Hongjoong doesn’t seem to expect anything. The Berserker merely nods and bows at the waist a bit before turning to where you stand. He doesn’t look at you, and you’re grateful for it. There’s still an obscene amount of panic running through your body when he walks past you to leave the bridge. If Mingi picks up on it, he doesn’t show it, face and body stoic as he passes you. You keep your eyes set on Hongjoong. The captain watches Mingi, gaze almost melancholic in away, but once the man is out of sight, he shifts to look at you. He gives a quick beckoning motion, and your feet move on their own, bringing you closer until you stand right beside him at the observation window.

For a moment, there is complete and utter silence between you. Then –

“Do you know why I keep the crew so limited in size?” You offer a hesitant shake of your head in response. “I want you to reason it out for me.”

“There doesn’t seem to be any reason,” you say, eyes flitting over Hongjoong’s face as though it’ll explain his strange question. “Even though the ship is on the smaller side, it could be run so much better if you had a proper crew. Engineers, cooks, comms managers, weapon stations, people manning the mainframe and shield reactor.”

Hongjoong huffs out a laugh, air rushing through his nose.

“The Horizon was never built to be a warship or even one that could attack other ships. The original purpose was merely to be a transport ship. Before I took it, it was used to cart slaves between planets and larger cargo ships. She looks like hundreds, if not thousands of other ships out there. There are so few distinguishing features on the ship that the military would have a hard time picking her out in a crowd. That’s the way I like it. Low upkeep too. The only differences are not visible ones. She's the fastest in the universe for a reason, after all. When in danger, the crew has their assignments and stations. San and Jongho to the shield reactor, Wooyoung and Yeosang to the mainframe. Yunho stays in the medbay. Seonghwa and Mingi remain with me on the bridge. Seonghwa manages the comms stations, and Mingi mans the emergency turret. And as for me – I remain at the helm. You see, Y/N, the ship was made to be manned by a smaller crew. I could afford to have a larger crew, yes, but there are too many opportunities for mistakes there. I should have known that having seventy crew members would cause more harm than good. I was arrogant then and wanted it all.”

“What changed?” You inquire in a quiet voice. “Your arrogance and desires, I mean. What changed those?” Hongjoong responds with a small shake of his head at first.

“I was humbled and brought down a few notches.” You don’t say anything right away. Your lack of response brings another huff of laughter out of Hongjoong. “What? You’re not gonna pry for more answers? I’ve heard that you have been asking about the incident.”

“I… forgot about it for the moment,” you say, looking away from Hongjoong to stare out into the darkness outside instead. “If you want me to ask about it, then I can.”

“I’ll save you the trouble of pestering any other crew members for an explanation and do it myself. I’ve been waiting for you to come to me directly about it, but you never did. So I guess now is as good a time as any to explain what happened.” Hongjoong pauses, a small hum resounding as he lifts a hand to his chin. “Mingi killed one of the crew back when we were more in our prime. Not quite the largest the crew had been, but still large nonetheless. A woman named Cass, someone close to Yunho. Very close.”

“You shouldn’t ask about it,” he hisses out through gritted teeth. You’ve never seen this expression on his face, this gleam in his eyes. He doesn’t seem angry in the slightest, and that’s what sends your thoughts into a scramble. Merely sad. “That’s between you and Hongjoong if you want to talk about it, and it’s on him to tell you about it.”

You should have known then that it was a sensitive topic for Yunho, but you were too caught off-guard in the moment.

“She was just a Normie, no one special or out of the ordinary. Never showed any signs of disliking me as the captain or the crew. She never–” Hongjoong doesn’t finish the thought. His teeth sink into his lower lip. For a moment, you think you can see pain crossing his features, but it disappears less than a second later. “She wasn’t someone who would do what she did without outside influence. It all started because she had said that someone like me wasn’t fit to lead. I had no place being the captain. Someone else would be better, someone who was an Elitist. She was trying to encourage Mingi and Jongho to join her – their side since they were the strongest of the crew. Said that Mingi should kill me and let an Elitist take over. Cass – s-she did this out in the open in front of Mingi, Jongho, many other crew members who sided with her. And Mingi… He killed her for what she said. Jongho closed his eyes and let it happen. Put morals to the side for me.”

Hongjoong clicks his tongue against the roof of his mouth. It’s almost as though he can’t believe Jongho would do such a thing for him or that Mingi would either, for that matter.

“Isn’t it in Mingi’s nature to kill like that?” You ask, prodding for an answer you aren’t sure you want to have.

“No. He doesn’t want to kill. It isn’t about some maddening or sick desire to hurt people. It’s about what he’s been conditioned to do, and it is the only thing he knows.”

“How long has he been with the crew?”

“Six years. I found him at the same time and place that I found Yunho.”

“What do you mean?” You tilt your head to look at Hongjoong’s expression, and he mimics the motion as he stares back at you.

“I mean exactly that. I found Mingi with Yunho, though the two didn’t know each other at the time. Mingi’s father was Yunho’s patient. Before joining the crew, Yunho ran a small clinic here on Kebos. We happened to be passing through the system and had no medic at the time. Needed immediate medical treatment for Jongho, so Seonghwa took him to Yunho’s clinic. Yunho must have recognized Seonghwa or heard something he said because he asked after me. I came down and met him in the clinic, then he joined the crew.”

“Just like that?”

Hongjoong presses his lips together, forming a thin line then stretching them into a smile.

“It’s not necessarily my story to tell. Yunho needed – needs – me. And I needed a healer. Perhaps it was fate that brought us together.”

“How does Mingi fit into the picture then? If his father was there as a patient, then how–”

“Something happened in the backroom where Mingi’s father was,” Hongjoong says, cutting you off before you can finish the question. “Something I didn’t see and still to this day don’t know. It’s never been my place to ask. It’s between the two of them, whatever it is. All I know is that it left a deep wound on both of them, and it’s always been the root cause for the stiltedness in their relationship and attitudes towards each other. When the two of them came out of that room, they were both ready to join my crew, and I accepted it for what it was. Brought them on as they were, because I didn’t need anything else. The crew was big enough back then to allow for bringing them on without any trouble.”

“Ah, I see,” you exhale, bringing your chin forward again. “What happened after Mingi – that incident?”

“There was a mutiny,” Hongjoong states as if it’s the most normal thing in the universe. “They thought that I couldn’t lead and wasn’t suited for it. Mingi killing Cass only solidified those feelings. My highest in command after Seonghwa led the mutiny. Before he left the ship with half the crew, he swore that he would get the treasure first along with the Sirens.”

“Did he know about Seonghwa?” You aren’t sure what the hell possesses you and makes you ask that question. It’s a lapse in judgment and a mistake for certain, and you bring a hand up to cover your mouth the second it falls from your lips. Hongjoong lifts a brow, eyeing you as you rush to recover and come up with some sort of excuse. You half expect anger from Hongjoong or at least surprise in the very least, but all that falls from his lips is a deep sigh.

“I should have known that Seonghwa would tell you. He’s so strangely attached to you that it was only a matter of time.”

If you had been waiting for an opportunity to tell Hongjoong what you are, this is it. You are fully aware of that. You could tell him, and perhaps you should tell him. It would be easiest in the long run to tell him now. But what is the long run? Is the long run remaining with Hongjoong until he finds the treasure? Not what you expected your fate to be in the slightest, but an option nonetheless. Is it an option you want to take though? Spending the rest of your life as a weapon to the most dangerous pirate in the universe.

“What am I to you?” You ask all of a sudden, keeping up with your trend of being spontaneous with your questions. Hongjoong’s brows dip together.

“What do you mean?” He counters, seemingly confused by the sudden inquiry.

“Everyone on the crew is something to you, no? So what am I to you?”

Hongjoong draws his lips together, pursing them violently, before offering a shrug.

“You are whatever you want to be. It’s your choice, and I will merely respect it.”

“No,” you say through a small shake of your head. “If it wasn’t up to me, what would I be to you?” The question makes Hongjoong pause for a moment. He has an answer; the hesitation isn’t in the lack of one but rather the internal debate of whether to say it.

“You would be… a weapon to me,” he admits, maintaining the same steady and even tone.

“And what is Seonghwa to you?” Again your words throw Hongjoong off.

“Seonghwa is different.”

“Given what Seonghwa is, what is he to you?”

“I don’t just give up something so personal that easily,” Hongjoong answers quickly, sharp eyes narrowing on you.

“Is he a key to the treasure, or is he something more?”

Hongjoong exhales through his nose.

“Seonghwa always has been and always will be something more,” he whispers, tone dropping for the first time. It isn’t enough of an answer for you though. You need more than that, you need a straight answer, and you need to know what Seonghwa is to him before you even think about telling him what you are.

“If Seonghwa is a Siren, and you are hunting Sirens, and Sirens are the key to what you want most, then what is Seonghwa to you?” You think you’ve crossed the line right then. Hongjoong’s expression goes cold.

“You still don’t understand a single thing about me. The treasure itself is not what I want most. It will give me what I want most. But that’s not the point of all this, is it? This started off as me telling you a story.” Hongjoong doesn’t have to say it outright for you to know that he wants you to drop the subject. You nod quickly.

“You left off at the mutiny.”

Hongjoong hums in response and faces the observation window once more.

“Yes, my highest in command after Seonghwa led the mutiny. He did know about Seonghwa and promised to come back for him one day. Every single day is a race to the finish. I fear that at the end of it I’ll lose. The ship, the fight, the treasure, the crew – Seonghwa. People have never scared me. I grew up in a cruel world surrounded by cruel people, and the only option I had was to become cruel myself. But this man? I’m deathly afraid of him and what he’s capable of. And I’m running out of time. My clock is ticking onwards.”

“Towards what?”

“I’m not sure I know the answer to that. I just know that it won’t be long until it catches up to me.”

His words make you pause. The more you think about it, the more similar you realize you and Hongjoong are. Time has been chasing you your whole life. The past rushing to catch up with you, and it seems that Hongjoong is in a similar position. Time may be the same, but purpose? You don’t know what Hongjoong’s purpose is; however, you can confidently say that his is not the same as yours. You’ve been a weapon for as long as you can remember. The military carved you out of a broken mold and made you the weapon you know yourself to be.

You don’t want to be a weapon any longer. You don’t want to only be valued for what you can do. You want to be valued for who you are.

Seonghwa is special to Hongjoong, and maybe… maybe by telling him what you are, you can have that too. At the end of the day, you don’t know what it means – to be special to someone.

The reflection in the observation window seems to flicker for a second. It isn’t your face that looks back. A rounded smile with bright twinkling eyes. Someone precious to you, someone treasured.

“Hey, I need to ask you something.”

“Fire away, Jisung.”

“Can I hold your hand?”

“W-What?”

That cheeky grin makes an appearance again. Jisung holds his hand out to you and says nothing else. Slowly, you stretch your arm out to him, letting your fingers fold around his. It’s a foreign feeling, one you’ve never had before, but it’s comfortable. Warm.

You wonder if Seonghwa is precious to Hongjoong, if the whole crew is precious to him. It’s a foreign warmth that blossoms in your chest as you think about it, and Jisung’s face continues to smile at you in the window.

“Oh yeah? What are you gonna give me?” You roll your eyes ever so slightly. Only enough for Jisung to see it and scoff at your gesture, and he sits up to hit your arm with the back of his hand. You laugh, hair sprawled out across the ground. Jisung hesitates there. His expression melts, and his gaze is so gentle and full of emotion that you feel a deep pang in your chest. “S-Stop looking at me like that. It’s weird.”

Jisung doesn’t respond right away; instead, he leans down over you and blocks your view of the sky. All you see in that moment is him. You exhale, breath fogging in the air between you, and Jisung dips in to press his lips against yours. Soft lips. The taste of honey and vanilla. Stars hanging high in the sky. Jisung’s calloused hand reaching out and finding yours. Cherry wood and sugar on your nose. A fire crackling behind you.

Jisung was – is – precious to you. From the first hello to the last goodbye. Jisung’s face changes all of a sudden, and now it’s San before you.

“Oh, by the way, I’m sure you are wondering who I am. I’m Spectre. When you decide to talk, it would be for the best.” His voice rings in your ears. Perhaps it’s because of the increasing fever, but the volume of his voice is bringing a sharp pain to your head and adding to the already present ache in your body. “I am a spy and assassin for a reason. Finding people isn’t difficult at all for me. Especially considering that there is blood on six crates. Body heat coming from one. Tell me how that adds up for you.”

He had intimidated you so much then. Looking back, you aren’t sure why he did.

“You could repay me then,” he suggests, sending a teasing wink your way. You blink back in confusion. “A kiss, maybe?” You immediately roll your eyes at his remark, swinging an arm at his. He whines when you hit him, falling back as though you hit him with an insane amount of force. You steady him with the same arm and dip in before he can recover. You brush your lips over his cheek. He freezes under your touch within an instant. Red soars up his neck and cheeks.

“There. Maybe next time, you can get one on the lips.”

It felt easy then, even if you were still hellbent on running away and getting out of the mess you’d been thrust into. Yet San saved your life. Not once, but twice, maybe even three times if you were to count the second encounter with Cara. He opened himself up, cut his chest open, and gave you his heart. It almost makes you feel it—that sensation of being precious to someone.

“I’m scared to let you in,” you admit, bring your gaze back up to San’s eyes. He’s looking back at you with a gentleness in his eyes that catches you off-guard.

“You don’t have to let me in yet. Just try to trust me.”

“Okay… okay. I can do that.”

“Then that’s more than enough.”

San leans his head back against the pillow, but you take hold of his chin and pull him back to your face once more. It’s prompt and chaste, slightly awkward too, but you slot your lips against his in a rush. San inhales sharply at the sudden pressure. He melts into the soft kiss, pushing back with equal gentleness. He pulls away too soon for your liking, but the smile that resides on his lips as he falls asleep makes your decision to stay more than worth it.

San’s image doesn’t stay long, quickly dissolving into Seonghwa’s dark hair and delicate features.

Warm hands, warm lips against yours.

Warmth. It’s what you are desperate for, what you want more than anything else. You want what Seonghwa offers so severely that you don’t even stop to think about what sort of consequences might unfold because of this. Seonghwa’s hands find your waist and squeeze tight. He lifts you up to push you further onto the mattress, making room to climb on with you. Your lips never disconnect. The warmth spreads like wildfire through your body, every single touch leaves you hot, and when Seonghwa kneels over you on the mattress, that heat spreads further down.

Soft touches.

Your right hand seems to move on its own as it stretches in Seonghwa’s direction, fingers reaching for his. He slips his fingers through yours within a second. You hear soft skids as he moves closer to you, and before you know it, Seonghwa is flush against your side, the fire of his presence no longer overwhelming your senses.

“We’re going to keep you safe,” he whispers after a few minutes of sitting in a comfortable silence. “No matter what.”

Crossed legs on a bed and old books, then the fleeting memory of a hand draped over your waist as you slept.

You don’t push him away; you don’t slide out from under his arm, you don’t do anything except relax some of the tension in your shoulders. The sensation is comfortable; it takes away that nagging coldness and pushes the anxieties and worries surrounding San to the side. Funny how the slightest motion managed to have that impact on you. Seonghwa presses his head to the back of your neck. Hot breath fans over your skin, and you shiver at the sudden sensation.

For once, you don’t feel empty. You feel comforted, wanted, needed maybe. You’ve always felt needed, but only as a tool or a weapon. Not just as a person. And yet, as Seonghwa clings to you, you don’t feel like either of those things. You bring a hesitant hand up and drape it over Seonghwa’s, fingers finding his and lacing through the spaces between them so you can cling to him. You don’t know what time it is or if you should go back to bed, but you do anyway, clinging to Seonghwa without a care in the world.

And when the vision of Seonghwa melts away, it isn’t one person that stands in his place. Rather it’s four. Yunho with his rough hands dressing your wounds. His gentle voice chastising you for not doing your exercises. Furrowed brows and an intent stare as you opened up about yourself. Half-hearted jokes about sex and intimacy. Jongho and his strangely good abilities at playing cards. Him going easy on you in sparring practice because you’re “fragile” in his eyes. The silent yet strong comfort he provides by just being at your side. Wooyoung with the heavy metal collar around his neck. A rocky and rough start. Loud complaints about Jongho’s cooking while clinging to your arm. Yeosang and his piercing eyes. His watchful stare out the corner of his eye. Him stepping in front of you to defend you for the first time.

It’s a twisting and churning sensation in your gut, a desire to be more and have more in your life than just the notion of being a weapon and a criminal.

“I…” You have to trail off as your voice catches in your throat. “I have to tell you something.”

“Go ahead.” Even though he’s given you permission, it feels near impossible to get the words out.

“I don’t want to be a weapon anymore. I’m tired of… being that.”

“What do you want to be then? It’s still up to you, but I can’t just let you walk away while you know what Seonghwa is.” You shake your head immediately.

“I don’t want to walk away. I-I really don’t. I’m – it isn’t that. I’m not an Elitist.”

Hongjoong all but snorts.

“I’ve known that for a long time already. Is this the part where you tell me what you actually are? Unless you want me to play a guessing game, which I would fail miserably at. There are only three options, since your eyes aren’t red.”

“A S-Siren,” you blurt out, eyes meeting Hongjoong’s. His smile melts, and his face goes completely blank in an instant. “I can prove it. I can – can do something or ask Seonghwa, or I can show you my tattoos or anything you want.”

Silence greets you. Hongjoong won’t look at you. And in that moment, you think you’ve ruined everything. Then he laughs, his smile returning, but this time it’s far wider than before.

“How’s that for fate?” He laughs, shaking his head in disbelief. “I knew there was a reason our paths crossed. Why Seonghwa was so adamant about having you join the crew and why he’s so attached to you. I never expected it to be because of this though.”

“D-Don’t you want proof?”

“Of what? I’ll be calling Seonghwa to the bridge soon regardless. Besides, what reason would you have to lie to me now?”

“That’s… it?”

“Why do you sound disappointed?” Hongjoong inquires, brows rising again.

“Because you – I thought you would care more. I’m n-not sure. I was expecting you to be angry.”

Hongjoong shifts to face you head on. He places his hands on your shoulders, but his touch is gentle and light. Like Seonghwa’s. Like holding a piece of glass. When you look him in the eye, the gleam there makes you choke on air. You’ve never made a habit of making eye contact with him, but the emotion you see behind those dark eyes is not one you’ve ever seen from him before.

It’s hope.

And in that moment, warmth blooms in your chest and spreads across your whole body. He isn’t holding you as though you are something fragile or breakable. It’s something more than that, the very thing you’ve been after all this time. He’s holding you like you are something precious.

✧✧✧ a/n: hi guys 🥺 how we doing how we feeling what goes on this is a big chapter in terms of emotions and talking and what's going on finally some backstory yes! woohoo! lot's of info this chapter, but i hope you guys enjoyed it regardless feel free to gimme those theories and your fav parts! i love getting to chat about theories with you guys, yall are so smart and creative 🤧 anywho i can't wait to get into act four it's gonna be CRAZY if you thought it was a ride before just you WAIT we're going full effing throttle ((also idek if i’ve said it before the act names on the masterlist are hints 👁👁))

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[mysdrymmumbles]

Steadfast - October Writing Prompt

Thank you to @toastvogel for suggesting Chyrus. He is the best paragon <3 

..................

The Archon sits on no throne, but even without one, many kyrian often see her as a more distant figure. It is understandable. Even if she wasn’t a god, she is the leader of the realm. By her will is Bastion maintained, and by her hand are the ascended directed. There is more work that goes into doing even those two dealings than most will ever know, and she does so much more than that. It is a wonder she ever has time to address any of her subjects.

In that way, Chyrus can’t help but wonder—hope, really—whether she is at least somewhat protected from some of what is happening right now. She is not at the temples, watching their brethren fall before each other’s blades. She can feel the realm wither around her, in spite of her will, but she cannot see how that crushes the spirits of those relying on her unwavering resolve. She is spared their doubts.

Until those doubts become too powerful.

And then she is blindsided with the betrayal.

Because most anyone else could have seen something like this coming. Perhaps not on such a grand scale, but there were signs, clear as the skies over Bastion.

Chyrus frowns as the sound of a broken chime reaches his ears. With a quick inspection, he finds the culprit underfoot, half crushed under his large toes. Kneeling, he picks them up gingerly, the lute-like chimes tiny in his palm, and the ring they used to hang on broken.

It’s hard to imagine what could have damaged it so. Someone getting thrown into it and their weapon catching it just right? Or had one of their many attackers been so overcome with rage that the sound of the gentle instrument filled them with such animosity that they wanted to make sure they would never play again?

There has been so much heartache in Bastion throughout the eons.

Bastion’s pride is its noble cause, but perhaps it is because he does not cling to such emotion that Chyrus has always been able to see the melancholic undercurrent. The broken hearts sent back to Oribos to be judged anew because they could not relinquish the memories of their mortal lives has always been there. Friends and students alike have ‘fallen short’ over the years. He wonders where they’ve gone, sometimes—those he remembers.

And there are those who have done as was required of them, who sometimes quietly peruse their old memories, watching the foreign stories play out with a quiet resignation that their sacrifice was for the greater good. Still, sacrifices are nothing if they are not mourned from time to time.

As Chyrus peers around to see if there are any other pieces of the little chimes to be gathered—to be given to someone with smaller hands who needs so desperately something to focus on other than the present—the sound of large wings grow closer.

He catches the last bit of pipe beneath his foot as Thenios lands, unintentionally scattering the debris left in the forsworn’s latest attack with his great wings.

Chyrus offers him a word of greeting before picking up the chime. It wouldn’t do to forget it, and even though there was no proof of it, Chyrus has often felt like little objects could have a feel to them. They could know when they are broken and appreciate when they are repaired.

It’s a notion Visephone smiles to think of, and one that Xandria will mull over before irritably asking questions that have no answers. Simple things that cannot be done in front of their charges, but are held precious in those fleeting moments when the paragons are alone together.

This is not going to be such a moment, Chyrus can tell, if only by the thin line of Thenios’ lips.

That doesn’t stop Chyrus from giving him a simple smile himself. “What brings you all the way out here?”

Thenios stands tall and firm, armor shining in Bastion’s radiance.

That in itself makes Chyrus’ heart hurt. Thenios does not don his armor for any occasion.

Or he didn’t. Not before the forsworn, before Devos’ betrayal. Though he would never voice it, Chyrus often suspects that Devos fall from grace affected Thenios the most severely of them all, hitting him harder than even the Archon.

How often had the two visited each other’s temples in casual attire to sprawl out together and read. Thenios usually brought the scrolls and books, and Devos was always pleased to see whatever it was that he had for her. She’d once told him he could make even the driest, most technical of reports sound fascinating.

Chyrus can still remember finding them curled up together, feathers fluffed up as they read through something that wasn’t work related, and how Xandria had hounded them about how adorable they were for weeks after, insisting to Visephone that she had missed something absolutely precious.

When it was just them, of course. When they have those fleeting moments where they can simply be people instead of unyielding leaders.

Thenios hasn’t taken his armor off since Devos’ death.

The paragon motions for Chyrus to follow him, and they both take flight, soaring out into the fields where they will not be overheard.

Their feet have barely touched into the soft grasses when Thenios begins to speak, unable to contain himself any longer. His voice is a mix of its usual matter-of-fact tone used to inspire confidence among his aspirants and something else, something almost accusatory. “The Maw Walker has recovered some records for me. Salvaging what the forsworn are so hasty to destroy in their hunt for whatever they think matters more.”

“We are fortunate to have such help—”

“They brought me this.”

There is nothing particularly noteworthy about the record in Thenios’ palm, but Chyrus knows what it will be before it plays. Funny that he was just remembering this aspirant as he surveyed the damage to his temple. She had been close to ascension when she fell. She came to him, telling him that the path had taken everything from her, made her into someone she didn’t recognize.

She had been the latest in a long line of those who were not meant for the path after all.

Chyrus listens to his own disembodied voice recount the incident and remembers musing about whether there was another way for those within Bastion, a way that didn’t require a complete abandonment of the past.

The reasons for the path’s current route were valid, of course. No good came from ferrymen who judged the souls they collected.

It was a hard path, but it was one that had served them well for almost all of eternity. And if it weren’t for the lack of judgment in Oribos…

Chyrus makes no offer to take the record from Thenios, more than a little sure that if he did try, it would be denied him. Instead, he waits for Thenios to make whatever point he is there for. A chiding perhaps that such a thing was left where aspirants could find it?

“Did she ever talk to you?”

The question is a surprise, a reminder that Chyrus cannot predict everything his fellow paragon will think or do, and it hangs between them.

“No,” Chyrus finally replies. The word feels cruel somehow in its succinctness. “The first—and only—time I heard of Devos’ dissatisfaction with the path was when she told us of Uther’s injury.”

Thenios flinches at her name. No armor can protect him from his memories, and Chyrus has been worried about what will happen to him. Forgetting their fallen brethren will be nigh impossible. Their paths were far too entwined and to take her away would leave him with so much emptiness…

Chyrus has already lost so many, his heart breaks at the mere of thought of who else may fall, of who might be left a shell of their former selves because of hearbreak they can’t overcome.

“She told me.” Thenios voice cracks at the last word. He is quiet a moment before clearing his throat, his composure regained. “I told her to be careful the sort of thing she said.” His chin inclines, gaze skyward. “I did not think…I did not know that you had wondered about this very thing.”

“Haven’t we all?” Chyrus offers gently. None of them are above doubts, after all. He reaches out and lightly places a hand on Thenios’ arm, a connection his friend so clearly needs. The action startles Thenios out of his thoughts.

“If I’d listened…if I had let her talk…hadn’t let her feel so—” Thenios curls his fingers around the record, practically crushing it in his hand as he lowers it to his side, fist shaking. “How could she have… the Jailer.”

His voice cracks again, and this time he stops talking, a tremor in his jaw as he clenches it.

With a quick step, Chyrus reaches out and wraps Thenios in a hug, ignoring the way the bits of armor poke into his bare arms. There is hesitation, and then Thenios grips Chyrus back, clinging to him like a drowning man in a stormy sea.

There is not enough time. There may never be, but here, now, Chyrus is acutely aware of how damaged his friend is and how there are people who need both of them to be unbreakable pillars.

It is cruel that he can offer Thenios so little of his time. Chyrus makes himself a silent vow that he will be there for his friend, to properly mourn what they have lost when things are finally set right.

When Thenios pulls away, a shiver runs through his feathers and for a moment, Chyrus thinks he may take his helm off.

Instead, he takes Chyrus’ hand, surprised to find the tiny bits of broken chimes already there as he places the record among them. “I would hate the forsworn to get this and think you would be a good target to convert.”

Chyrus chooses not to point out that they have already tried. “Thank you, my friend.”

Thenios turns away and then pauses, looking back at him. “If you need someone to listen to your doubts…”

Chyrus wants to tell him that Devos’ fall is not his fault, but there is no way for words to reach, much less ease, the guilt there.  Instead, he gives Thenios a nod and a gentle smile. “Of course.”

Thenios attempts something like a goodbye, but when he can’t trust his voice to hold steady, he instead dismisses himself without ceremony. Chyrus does not insult him by watching his retreat, instead turning his attention back to his temple.

There is much to be done.

[soldierswar]

Kobik - Chapter IX

Bucky x Reader

Fluff, some angst

Chapter Plot: Kobik meets the people that can help her. But that means you have to face what's to come in the near future.

Masterlist

Kobik could not have looked any more adorable. She was dressed in a little sailor’s outfit with bows at the base of her pigtails.

She was sitting on the floor of the observation room playing Jenga by herself with an impossibly tall stack of blocks trying to grab the most difficult ones without knocking the tower over using nothing but her telepathic powers. Sometimes she would do great, and other times it would come tumbling down before she’d frustratedly put it back together within half a second. Sometimes she’d catch it before the blocks could hit the floor, and you could tell that alone was a little triumph of her own.

You and Bucky amusedly watched her from behind the one-sided glass.

You had convinced SWORD and the scientists to give Kobik a week to recover and unwind before having to adjust to a new life again. By ‘you’ you meant Bucky did the convincing. He charismatically reasoned to the director of this whole case that Kobik was tired, severely anxious, and needed to decompress in order to avoid another episode.

To be fair, he wasn’t bullshitting them at all…For the most part. But if it were up to you to do the convincing instead of your 'too handsome for his own good' husband who you were pretty sure that the director had a crush on…it wouldn’t have happened.

Bottom line, you got to spent a wonderful week with Kobik.

You went to the movies, went on picnics, and sometimes indulged on ice cream in the middle of the night watching Disney movies that Bucky had previously refused to get caught up on since you got married.

As of then, it was one of the happiest weeks of your life. Kobik had come with the two of you for your first ultrasound. And much to your and Bucky’s surprise, Kobik was 100% right. You were in fact 3 months along, and they were pretty sure that it was a girl.

“I told you so,” she shrugged nonchalantly when they gave you that news.

Bucky side-eyed you giving you a look that said, ‘How the hell did you now know about this?’  And as scared as he looked, you could also tell that he was already kind of in love with your child. Just as you were.

Kobik didn’t know that you were watching her from behind the glass exhibiting the room where she would be meeting who would essentially be her new family.

There were so many times during the past week that you wanted to crawl on your knees and beg Bucky to keep her. And low key, you could tell that Bucky wanted to give in. But ironically, the only reason why you didn’t let that happen was because of the love that you had for her. So you and Bucky decided to look at it as an open adoption.

Unfortunately, it didn’t make you feel much better most of the time.

Kobik’s head whipped around when she heard the door open. When she saw who it was, she looked a little bit shy.

“Hi there,” said the woman giving her a smile.

She had a soft, and warm voice. Her husband had his hand placed a loving hand on her back; much like how Bucky was with you when you were nervous.

“Hi,” she replied wide-eyed.

“I’m Kobik.”

They both chuckled lightly before crouching down to sit on the floor in front of her.

Bucky gave you the rundown on who this couple was. As mentioned before, they were excellent scientists specializing in the kind of matter that Kobik was made out of. Cosmic energy.

They looked to be in their early to mid-forties. The man whose name was Adrian was tall, slim, and had a mixture of thick dark brown and silver hair. The woman whose name was Hazel also seemed really lovely. She looked to be maybe a couple of years younger than Adrian. Like her husband she was also slim with long brown hair with soft facial features and looked to be about as tall as you.

“Do you want to see what I can do?” Kobik asked timidly.

Hazel smiled.

“Absolutely.”

Kobik furrowed her brows in deep thought about what kind of party trick she wanted to do. After thinking about it she held her hands upwards and they watched as one by one the Jenga blocks floated up into the air and shifted them in mid-air to make different shapes like castles, faces, and hearts.

The couple both looked at her in amazement. When Kobik saw how they reacted to her little tricks she automatically seemed less shy and was now very proud about winning them over. She seemed to like them just as much as they seemed to like her.

You didn’t realize that Bucky was holding your hand until he started squeezing it. He was feeling the same thing that you were feeling. You knew that she was going to be okay. She would be happy and well taken care of. But he was going to miss her.

“She’s only an hour away,” you reminded him, stroking his hand with your thumb.

He nodded and gave you a melancholic smile.

“One hour.”

…

After Kobik spent about an hour and a half getting to know her new…guardians, they finally left the observation room to come meet you.

You had left the viewing area to grab lunch. Or rather…second lunch. Of course, when they came up to you, you didn’t even notice for about ten seconds because you were too busy stuffing a large burrito into your face.

“She’s hungry a lot,” Kobik pointed out.

“She blames it on the baby.”

They had a look of delight on their face when she said that, and you couldn’t help but smile proudly.

“I’m sorry, I’d shake your hand,” you said trying to hide your half mouthful of food.

“But I kind of have burrito on my hands. And sorry Bucky had to go take a phone call.”

“It’s okay,” Hazel reassured.

“We’ve met him already. We just wanted to get to know you a little bit more.”

They sat on the other side of the table, and Kobik used her powers to summon a chair from the next table over to your side to sit next to you.

“Well…What would you like to know?”

…

You and Bucky walked into your empty house already feeling like something was missing. And of course, it was that little rambunctious, stubborn, and playful little human manifested cosmic energy with the biggest heart.

You missed hearing her little giggles or hearing random things shift around because she couldn’t bother to walk over to do or get something like a normal person. This sometimes leads to flying objects hitting other objects and sometimes breaking.

You missed snuggles on the couch. You hoped that she could still get snuggles, even if it was without you. But most of all, you missed seeing Bucky act like a dad the whole time that she was there. Granted, that emptiness would soon be filled by your own little bundle.

It had been 5 days since Kobik’s first meeting with Adrien and Hazel, and most importantly since you had met them. You knew that you had to like them in order for you to be comfortable with handing Kobik over to them. You wanted to hate them, but when you saw how sweet they seemed, it was impossible.

They had given you a brief history of their personal and professional lives. They talked about their methods on what they would be studying with Kobik, how they would try to help her and expand on the research that the previous scientists in Europe were discovering.

When you asked about whether or not she would be spending most of her time in a lab, Hazel took out an iPad from her purse and showed you a tour of what her room would look like, and the place where they would be working. Their studies would all be taking place in their own home so that they could do their research in private. And by the look at the way Kobik was responding to it, you felt a lot better. They even said that you could come to visit as much as you wanted. That won you over.

But you knew that there was a high chance that Bucky may or may not ‘check in’ on her without their knowledge.

“What are we gonna do now with this empty, and quiet place?” you sighed.

Bucky dropped his jacket on the nearest chair.

“Exactly what we did before,” he replied.

“And enjoy as much sleep as we can get…I’ve heard something about babies crying all of the time.”

You playfully punched him on the arm and wrapped your arms around his torso for comfort.

“I have a surprise for you,” Bucky said.

You looked up at him curiously.

“Oh?”

He nodded.

“Well…What is it? Where is it?”

Bucky gave you that familiar mischievous smile and shrugged.

“You’re going to have to wait until tomorrow.”

“Then why tell me about it today?” you whined.

He winked.

“You know I love watching you anticipate.”

You crossed your arms like a four-year-old.

“Well if you won’t tell me, I’m making you go out and buy me ice cream right now.”

He rolled his eyes and grabbed his jacket and keys.

“Cookies and Cream it is.”

@buckylove123 @teenagedreams-bucky @typicalnerd98 @veroxloki @white-wolf-buckaroo @acciosiriusblack @pastel-boy-sungjae @flightsandfantasy @noiralei @unstablesleepygal @general-latino

[yungidreamer]

Seen

Summary: Yunho, Mingi, and San are at the cabin with their girl and her family for a month of summer fun and relaxation. Mingi finds it hard having to hide again, with both his loves so close and yet so far. Meanwhile an old friend appears, catching the eye of San. And a careless moment reveals a little too much to her family.

Wordcount: 11.7k

Content warnings: Small references to misgendering and families not accepting of non-traditional gender identities, anxiety about relationships, pining, making out, a little sex, impregnation kink, exploration of a new relationship.

“Are you guys ready to go for a swim?” she asked, five towels piled high on her shoulders as she leaned on the wall outside the room the four boys were sharing. The double bunk beds in the cabin had never been completely filled before. A few years ago her brother had been allowed to bring a friend who had stayed in there with him, but more often, she had shared the room with him while other family members used the extra queen room that wasn’t where her parents were staying. They liked spending their whole summer there, all four weeks they could take out of the city and away from everything and everyone.

As a kid she hadn’t always enjoyed it; feeling like it was forever without her friends and her activities and everything she liked doing. Her dad eventually gave up on trying to limit the number of books she took to read, happy enough that she still went out for swims, walks, and to take the boat out on the water. She and her books were even good company when they went out to fish for some dinner. She didn’t mind being quiet and she was patient. It was great, in his personal opinion.

This year the cabin was full to the bursting. She had the extra queen bedroom, her parents had their favorite place, and all the boys were packed into the bunk beds in the kid’s space, despite most of them no longer being kids at all. It didn’t matter, the whole family was together and life was good. The summer weather had been lovely and hot, but not too humid, meaning that the heat at the worst part of the day was easy to escape by heading to the shade, or better yet, into the lake.

“Yeah, coming!” Mingi’s raised voice came from behind the door to the room. Thumping and shuffling noises followed alongside muffled discussions as her three boys struggled in the small space to get into their swim shorts and flip flops to walk down to the dock. She suppressed a smile as she waited for them to emerge.

“Oh you have the towels,” Yunho said, stepping out of the room, his broad chest bared to her eyes. If she could have been sure that her parents or her brother wouldn’t chance by, she would have stepped forward and given his nipple a teasing lick, but alas, she couldn’t be sure.

“I do,” she handed him one and peeked around the corner to see San and Mingi looking nearly ready themselves. Mingi seemed to be looking for something but she couldn’t imagine what since he seemed to be dressed and had both of his shoes. “What’s up babe?”

“I can’t find my watch,” Mingi turned in a small circle, knowing it couldn’t have gone very far. “I just don’t want to lose it.”

“Look in the bedsheets,” she suggested, hugging the frame of the door to stay looking at him while also leaving room for San to push by, grabbing one of the towels off her shoulder while he did.

“Thank you Chipmunk,” he said, giving her cheek a kiss as he lifted the towel off her shoulder.

“No problem, Sannie,” she nodded.

“Ah ha!” Mingi triumphantly lifted the leather and brass object of his search up, placing it in the little drawer of the bedside table they all shared.

“Good job, babe,” she laughed as he finally padded towards her. “You ready to go swimming?”

“Yeah,” he nodded, taking a towel off her shoulder and throwing it over his before he leaned over and picked her up in his long arms. “Let’s go take a dip.”

“Love, you don’t have to carry me all the way down to the docks,” she laughed, throwing an arm around his neck.

“I know,” he said quietly, so that only she could hear. “But it's a good reason to hold you for a little while. I miss having you beside me when I go to sleep.”

“I miss you, too,” she sighed. “I’ll figure something out soon, okay?” Mingi nodded and gave her a slightly melancholic smile.  Following behind San and Yunho, he carefully minced his way over the winding path down to the dock that reached out into the still, sparkling lake. He managed to get the both of them down to the water with only one incident of getting her hair caught in a low hanging branch, largely thanks to the very narrow space on that part of the path.

As soon as the dock and the lake came into view Yunho and San were off like a shot, competing to see who could make it into the water first. She and Mingi shared a look, shaking their heads at the sight of the two of them unable to keep their competitive nature from taking over at the first chance it was presented to them. Somewhere near the shore, Mingi put her down in the protective shade of one of the large trees that lined the lake.

“Do you want to hop in?” She took his hand, looking up at him.

“Maybe not yet,” he admitted, looking at the other two boys splashing around in the water.

“Okay, let’s just sit in the shade for a little while,” she suggested, spreading out one of the towels on one of the broad, flat rocks nearby.

“You can go swim if you want,” Mingi rushed to assure her, feeling bad that he was keeping her from having fun with everyone else.

“I’d like to spend a little time with you,” she grinned up at him, patting the space beside her. “And the water will still be there later. I miss you too, you know.”

“You sure?” He checked, a shy smile on his face.

“Yeah, babe,” she nodded. “Are you having fun out here?”

“Yeah, of course,” Mingi was quick to reply, his stomach turning at the thought she might feel like he wasn’t grateful to be there with her and the whole family.

“I know this sort of place isn’t really your sort of place,” she bumped him with her shoulder. “You’re a city boy and that’s okay. The bugs, and the sun, and none of your games are here. It can be a little bit of an adjustment. Actually,” she turned to look up the hill as an idea struck her. “Do you want to go grab something that we can read together for a little while?”

“I already read most of the stuff I brought,” he sighed.

“That’s okay,” she assured him. “I brought some things I think you’ll like, we could sit in the shade for a while and I’ll read it to you.”

“You don’t mind?” He checked, not wanting his slightly off mood to burden her, or anyone else there.

“It actually sounds like a good way to spend the afternoon,” she assured him. “We’ll grab some drinks and snacks and maybe something better to sit on. Come on.” Standing up, she extended a hand to him, bounding back up towards the cabin to get everything they needed for a relaxing afternoon on the shore. Gathering a picnic blanket, some sandwiches, a bottle of soda and a half frozen bottle of water together in a couple of cloth bags, she also went to her room and grabbed a well worn paperback from the side pocket of her suitcase before jogging out to meet Mingi still standing in the kitchen.

“Ready?” She asked, taking one of the bags from him and offering him a hand. Mingi nodded, entwining his fingers with hers and letting her lead the way back down the path to the water.

“Hey,” Yunho greeted as they drew near, stepping back up onto the shore. “I was wondering where you had gone. What did you bring?”

“Just some snacks and something to read,” she said as she put the bag down against a rock near a flat place in the shade. “We were feeling a little more like relaxing and doing some reading. Maybe saving swimming for a little later.”

Mingi felt a pang of gratitude that she had made it sound like a decision they had made together, rather than calling it out as him being a bit of a wet blanket. He started working on pulling out the blanket and smoothing it out on the ground under the tree.

“Oh, we can wait on swimming if you guys want to do something else,” Yunho offered, flipping the damp hair off his face.

“No, no, no,” she waved him away as she slipped off her shoes and stepped onto the blanket. “Go swim, we’ll be right here when you want a break or a snack or something to drink. Have some fun, yeah?”

“Okay, if you’re sure,” Yunho looked between them then blew them both a kiss before jumping back into the water.

“Do you want to lie down, babe?” She asked, patting her lap after she sat down with her back leaning against a boulder that was sticking out by the edge of the blanket. Mingi happily curled up on his side, his head resting on her lap. The dappled sunlight swept his face as the breeze stirred the leaves overhead. She laid a hand on the side of his head, threading her fingers through his hair as she ran her nails lightly over his scalp. In her lap, Mingi visibly relaxed as he brought one arm up around her knee with a happy sigh.

“Should I read a little to you?” She offered in a gentle voice.

“If you don’t mind,” he nodded slightly.

“Not at all, babe,” she soothed. “Let’s see.” Picking up the old book, she flipped to the first page of the first chapter. “Sophie couldn’t sleep. A brilliant moonbeam was slanting through a gap in the curtains. It was shining right on her pillow…” Mingi heard her voice more than he heard the words, half following the story but mostly enjoying a quiet moment in her lap. After their trip to New York and feeling the freedom of being out and being able to reach for both of them and kiss them whenever he felt like it, having to be careful around her family was cutting him. He was skin hungry. He needed to have those moments before he drifted off where he felt the warmth of their embrace.

Really, he was grateful to be there. A month would have been an intolerably long time for her to be gone, but this half compromise of being around her but feeling like he was on eggshells half the time was harder than he thought it would be. Still, he would never say anything. He didn’t want to complain. He didn’t want to be a problem, especially when they were all being so generous to include him anyway.

So caught up in his thoughts and in enjoying the moment he was able to steal with her, he didn’t notice when she paused in her reading. It was only when he felt her second hand brush over his jaw that he took note of the fact she wasn’t reading to him anymore.

“Why did you stop?” He asked, lifting himself up on his elbow.

“You were frowning, love,” she informed him, brushing hair off his forehead. “I thought maybe you just needed a few minutes of my undivided attention.”

“Oh, sorry,” he looked down at his hands. “I’m just… I miss you a little. I know its stupid because you’re here so I can’t really miss you but--”

“I miss you, too,” she told him gently. His eyes snapped up to hers at her words. On her face was a warm expression, a gentle smile that made her eyes sparkle.

“Yeah?” He gave a little chuckle as color rose on his cheeks.

“Yeah, baby,” she tilted her head to the side as she cupped his cheek. “I’m not sleeping as well without you. I actually thought about borrowing a shirt from each of you to sleep with so it’s easier for me to fall asleep.”

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” his eyes widened and brightened at the thought. “Can I have something to take to bed?”

“Sure,” she nodded, giving the tip of his nose a little peck. “I’ll give you something. You can hide it under your pillow or something.”

“Is there somewhere we can get away for just a little while?” He looked up at her with a slightly pained look on his face. “I just want to hold you both for a little while. We don’t have to do anything. I just want… I miss you.”

“Mmm, me too,” she sighed.

“Is that who I think it is,” a voice that Mingi didn’t recognise came from a few meters down the shore.

“Alex?” She said, a little surprise in her voice as she said the name. Mingi sat up and looked behind him towards where the voice had come from. He found someone he didn’t recognise standing there. They were dressed in a large baggy t-shirt and basketball shorts with a short haircut that was nearly buzzed on the lower half. Actually it reminded him of his haircut, but shorter on the top. He wasn’t sure exactly why but they seemed nervous and a little awkward as they stood a little ways away from them.

“Yeah, yeah,” they nodded, rocking on the balls of their feet. “Long time no see, huh?”

“You look good,” she said, moving to stand up and go to the new-comer. “It’s really nice to see you.” Their girl pulled the other person into a hug which they returned after half a second.

“Um, so like, are you here with your family or did you just come with friends or something?” They asked, looking at all the unfamiliar faces. Yunho and San hadn’t even noticed the newcomer as they swam in the water, competing to be the fastest or to stay under longest.

“Oh the whole family is here, but I did bring some friends this time,” she gestured at all of her boys. “Ummm actually, the family doesn’t know but I’m actually dating the blond and the one with the blue hair. Don’t mention it to the rest of the family, but I know you can keep a secret and all.”

“Yeah totally,” they nodded, looking between both of the boys. They stepped closer to her and asked a little quieter, “Both, like at the same time?”

“Yes,” their girl whispered back with a grin.

“Nice,” they nodded and raised their hand for a fistbump. Their girl met the gesture with her own fist and a big grin. “So if those two are boyfriends, who’s Mr. Dark Hair, out there?”

“That is San,” she replied. “He’s my brother now. We sort of adopted him a little while ago. He’s cool and he is the only one who knows about all of us.”

“It’s cool that he knows,” they nodded. “Uh, so, how long are you going to be here and all?”

“The rest of the month,” she replied. “We’ve only been here about a week now. What about you?”

“Another couple of weeks,” they rocked, sticking their hands in their pocket and looking around a little as they answered.

“Do you want to come and sit with us?” Their girl offered, gesturing over towards where Mingi was still stretched out on the blanket. “We have some drinks and some snacks.”

“Umm, sure, if I’m not being a bother,” they nodded with a shrug.

“Not at all,” she said, looping her arm through their arm and leading them over to the shaded blanket. “I’d love to catch up with you and to have you meet all my boys. How long has it been now?”

“Like a year and a half I think,” they said after a brief pause. “The last time I think was that Christmas thing our parents made us all go to.”

“Oh yeah,” she breathed, eyes widening. “I still can’t believe your dad made you wear a dress to that thing. Do you mind if I ask if he’s gotten better about things?”

“Eh, he lets me dress how I want even around him now,” Alex shrugged. “He still insists on calling me Alexandra half the time and doesn't get the whole they/them thing.”

“Man,” she sighed. “I’m sorry about that. That really sucks. How are things at school though? What are you studying?”

“I’m actually doing digital art and design,” Alex replied, bringing their knees up to their chest. “Just at the local community college back in Rochester, though, so…”

“That’s really cool,” she replied. “Actually, one of our best friends back at the university is also studying design, though he is focused more on fashion and graphic design. I think you’d like him. He’s pretty cool and funny actually.”

“Oh he must be smart to be studying there with you guys,” they nodded, giving a half smile.

“You know you’re pretty cool and smart yourself right?” She told them encouragingly. “Have you thought about maybe applying as a transfer student someplace? Maybe see if you can’t get a little distance from your parents and all?”

“Maybe, but I don’t think I’m good enough to get anywhere,” they shrugged, digging their heel into the soft sand through the blanket.

“I would bet you are,” she said warmly, putting a hand on their shoulder. “I think I remember seeing a few things you did a while ago. I bet you’ve gotten even better since then, too.”

“You always were really nice about my stuff,” they offered her a smile. “Thanks, it means a lot that you believe in me, even if it’s just on principle.”

“Not just on principle,” she laughed. “I remember you were good, really I do. You should have a little more faith in yourself.”

“Hello everyone,” San said coming up from the shore, still dripping slightly. “Who do we have here?”

“Hi Sannie,” she greeted, smiling up at him and Yunho who was just behind him. “This is my friend Alex, their dad works at the same place as my dad.”

“Oh?” San said with a perky interest. “Then you must have been friends with Chipmunk for a while then.”

“Yeah, a little while,” they nodded. “You call her Chipmunk, too?”

“She’s my little sister,” San said with faux affront. “Of course I am going to use my favorite nickname for my precious sister.”

“Oh, right,” they nodded, a pink rising on their cheeks.

“Sannie, you are such a tease,” she smacked his leg, the only piece of him she could reach, pursing her lips at him and shaking her head.

“Ooo ouch,” he pouted at her for emphasis, taking a seat on the boulder she had begun the afternoon leaning against. “Is this your way of telling me you don’t love me anymore?”

“Oh my God,” she rolled her eyes. “You are just so ridiculous. Alex, don’t mind him, he’s just a flirt and completely ridiculous. But he is also a complete sweetheart that I trust with my life. You’ll get used to him.”

“Did you say you had snacks maybe?” Yunho asked as he took a seat near her and Mingi.

“I do, love,” she nodded, reaching for the bag of snacks and things. “Do you want some chips?”

“Chips sounds good, but,” he scooted closer to her and put a hand on Mingi’s arm before whispering. “I could really use a kiss if we can sneak away for a few minutes sometime today.”

“I already told them we were together,” she whispered back, giving his cheek a quick peck as well.

“Oh?” Yunho grinned. “In that case,” Yunho cupped her face, bringing her lips to his and giving them a leisurely brush. He nibbled at her bottom lip, tasting the softness of them as his hand caressed her cheek. Pulling back, he turned to the nearby Mingi, still lounging on the blanket, tilting the other boy’s face up so that he could steal a similarly tender kiss from him.

“Wow, you guys like really are all together, aren’t you?” Alex asked, not quite having thought the two boys would have been comfortable like that.

“They are the stupidly cutest set of people ever to exist,” San said as he leaned in conspiratorially. “It would be sickening if they weren’t also the nicest, cutest, and sweetest people on the face of the earth.”

“Yeah, I guess,” Alex gave a nervous chuckle. “I know she’s always been really nice and cool. It makes sense that she would fall for someone… or I guess, someones, who are also nice.”

“They are,” San agreed. “Which is a good thing, because I would hate to have to kill them for hurting my precious baby sister.”

“Hey,” Mingi protested. “What if she breaks our hearts; would you not defend us?”

“Okay, who here thinks she wouldn’t and if she did, she would probably be justified?” San asked the group as a whole. Literally everyone but their girl raised their hand in the small circle, including Mingi. “Aaaaand that should put that question to rest.”

“How, what?” She sputtered. “What is this odd faith you all seem to have in me.”

“You are the nicest person I know,” Alex shrugged.

“Yeah, love,” Yunho reached out and stroked her hair. “I know you wouldn’t ever want to hurt us. You haven’t given me reason to doubt that.”

“I… you…” she sputtered. “Thank you, I guess.”

“Hey, Alex,” she asked as the boys started packing up the picnic blanket and the mostly empty container that had held the snacks she and Mingi had gathered earlier. “I was thinking of maybe doing a bonfire and camping out here by the lakeside tonight. Do you want to join us?”

“Uh, you sure it would be okay?” They asked, furtively looking at the group of boys on the other side of her. “You don’t have to invite me to just be nice.”

“No, it would be fun,” she shook her head and smiled. “The more the merrier. Ummm, why don’t you come by after six. Do you by chance have a tent? I think dad only brought one and I’m not sure if we could all fit in it comfortably.”

“Oh yeah,” they nodded. “I can bring something. I can also bring some snacks and stuff. Do you still like making s’mores?”

“If you have marshmallows and half decent chocolate bars that you can bring, I will love you forever,” she replied forcefully. “Jacob ate all of the chocolate bars we brought before I could and I still haven’t decided if I have to murder him yet. Please, save us both.”

When she took one of their hands in hers, holding it pleadingly with a face asking to be saved, Alex couldn’t help but let out a giggle. She was so earnest in her hyperbole it was endearing.

“Trying to bring a fourth person into our little family?” Yunho teased, coming up behind her.

She looked at him with a wide eyed expression and sputtered at him for a few seconds before regaining the ability to speak. “You know, they aren’t going to know you are joking. Play nice, mister.”

“It’s okay,” Alex rushed to assure her, not wanting to be the reason for a fight or discord. “It’s just a joke, no biggie.”

“He thinks he’s so funny,” she said, putting her hands on her hips and shaking her head.

“He kind of is,” Alex leaned in and laughed.

“I know, but he doesn’t need to know it,” she whispered conspiratorially. “He already knows he is awesome, we don’t want to give him an even bigger head.”

“Ah,” they nodded, a grin spreading over their face and a little bit of tension leaving their shoulders.

“We have to go up and help with dinner, but see you in a couple of hours, yeah?” She asked, taking a step to follow the boys who were starting up the path to the cabin. Behind her, San caught Alex’s eyes, giving them a smile and a little wink before turning to walk up the hill.

“Yeah, see you soon,” they said, watching the cheery group go.

“Hey dad, where is the tent?” She asked, poking her head in the third cabinet as she looked for it while they waited for dinner to be ready to be served.

“It’s in the closet by the front door,” he replied, poking his head out of the kitchen. “Why are you looking for it?”

“We’re going to camp by the lake tonight,” she replied with a grin. “Me and the boys and Alex.”

“Oh she’s here with her family?” Her father asked, a happy tone in his voice.

“They dad,” Jacob said from the armchair without looking up.

“Huh?” Her father blinked at his son.

“He’s right, Alex goes by they dad,” she replied as she walked over to the closet in question. “I know it isn’t natural to you yet and you knew them a lot longer as she, but just do your best to remember. Their dad isn’t really doing a great job letting them be who they are, but we can do our best.”

“Right, of course,” her dad nodded, trying to make a mental note. “I don’t know that there is enough space for all of you in that tent. It’s big but not that big.”

“It’s okay, Alex is bringing a second tent,” she explained. “It should be fine if we have two that we share.”

“Oh good,” her dad smiled. “Then you can share with he-them and the boys can take the other tent.”

“Just going to say,” she pulled the tent out and then stood looking at him with narrowed eyes. “I’m 20 now, I live with the boys, and for all you know, I could totally be attracted to Alex. They look good these days, in my opinion. Nice undercut and everything.”

“Well, they can’t get you pregnant and ruin your future,” her father retorted.

“Thanks to modern medicine, neither can the boys,” she returned with equal attitude. This time it was his turn to sputter and blink at her assertion. He really wasn’t quite ready to see her as an adult, despite all the evidence to the contrary. Much as he wanted to protest, he was at least happy that she was being responsible. At twenty, if his own experience was anything to go by, she could probably speak from experience. He wasn’t ready to ask about certain things but at least she was giving him every indication she knew to be careful. For now, that was all he wanted to know.

“Hey, Alex,” her father said as he answered the door after dinner. His daughter and the boys were busy throwing the last of the blankets and pillows they needed into bags to take down for the evening. “It’s good to see you. How have you been?”

“I’m good, sir,” they replied, giving him a little bob of acknowledgement and deference. “I hope you’ve had a nice summer so far.”

“Yeah,” her father nodded. “The weather has been nice so far which means I’ve been able to get out on the lake whenever the mood struck.”

“Yeah, dad has been doing a lot of fishing,” they nodded. “I’ve been doing my best to avoid it. If you wanted to go out with him, it would probably save me some suffering.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” her father laughed as the shuffling sound of the kids making their way down the hallway drew closer behind him. “Everything ready?”

“Yep,” his daughter nodded, pillow under her arm and a canvas bag in the same hand. “But if we forgot anything, we’ll just pop back up.”

“Try not to be coming in and out a lot after ten, okay?” He requested. “Your mom and I are probably going to sleep about then, so just try to make sure you have everything you need before then.”

“Okay dad,” she agreed, leaning into his hug as she passed him to head out the door. “Thanks and we’ll come for anything we need.”

“Have fun,” he kissed her forehead and let her go to head out the door. “No night swimming though.”

“Okay, we’ll be safe,” she promised. “Thank you dad.” Leading the way, she headed down the hill back towards the shore where they could camp and have a little bonfire. Everyone followed behind her, hauling armfuls of blankets, pillows, tents, snacks, food, and various little things they thought they would need for the night.

By the shore they started to set up camp, putting up the tents and putting down towels to sit on before gathering up some loose kindling they could use to start a fire. Dried old wood littered the ground of the woods around them. Once the tents were set up, San, Mingi, and Yunho set off to gather what they could for them to use.

“Did you already have dinner, too?” She asked Alex as they stacked the kindling in preparation to start the fire.

“Yeah I had something with my parents.” They nodded as they moved some of the small rocks in the area into a circle to help contain the fire they would build there.

“Okay, good,” she nodded. “Just wanted to make sure.”

“Umm, can I ask how you like, adopted San?” They asked as they carried over another small rock.

“Oh, yeah,” she nodded. “Ummm, he sort of went through a tough time after graduation and luckily my dad heard that he needed some love in his life so we took him in for Thanksgiving about a year ago and he’s really been part of the family ever since. I’m not sure what I would do without him now. He’s loyal as a puppy and probably just as sweet. But don’t let your guard down,” she shook a finger at them warningly. “That man is a total flirt and he will weasel into your heart before you even notice. Fair warning.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” they laughed as they adjusted the last few stones to make a full circle.

“Can you pass me my big canvas bag over behind you?” She gestured towards the item in question. “The long matches are in there for me to light the kindling.”

“Oh sure,” they nodded and reached behind them, passing the bag over to her just as the boys returned with armloads of wood.

“Look at you all,” she said proudly as she stood up to watch them as they arrived with their hard earned loot. “Such good hunters of the wild and wily dead wood. Excellent providers if we ever got stuck out in the wilds.”

“Of course, did you ever doubt us?” San tried to sound wounded by her lack of faith in them.

“Never, never,” she assured him, rolling her eyes dramatically. “I know that all of you would 100% be glorious manly hunters who would never let me suffer even for a moment.”

“Darn straight,” Mingi laughed leaning in to give her a peck on her temple as he dropped his wood in a pile nearby.

“Such good boys,” she cooed at him and Yunho as he came up to stand behind the other boy. “I’ve got the very bestest of boys, don’t I?”

“At least you are aware,” Yunho chuckled, caressing her cheek with his thumb.

“How could I forget when you are here to remind me?” She gave him a look and puckered her lips playfully.

“So, what I am hearing is that I need to remind you of this at every opportunity,” Yunho joked, lifting her into his arms to hold her up at a level where they were face to face.

“Mmm,” she nodded. “That sounds like a plan to me.” Yunho kissed the tip of her nose before putting her down again and picking up a few pieces of wood and piling them on the kindling. Leaning in with Mingi, the two boys started working on lighting their evening bonfire.

Alex felt San draw up alongside them and flicked their eyes to try and covertly take him in. Did he need something? Were they in the way?

“Am I really so scary?” San asked, putting out his bottom lip slightly.

“What?” Alex asked, feeling their eyes widen in surprise and a slight sense of panic.

“You look like you are expecting me to bite,” San said just loud enough for them to hear. “If I promise to only do that if you ask, will you take a breath and relax a little?”

“I… I’m sorry,” they gripped their hands in front of them, shifting on their feet nervously.

“No, no,” San smiled, putting an arm around their shoulders. “Come sit with me. I want to know more about you.”

“I’m not that interesting,” they demurred.

“Everyone is interesting in their own way,” San smiled and shook his head. “I know everyone else here pretty well, but I’d like to get to know you better. Let’s start with what you like to do in your free time?”

“Umm, music, I guess,” they stuttered out, all memories of what they did in their free time for fun having fallen out of their brain the moment the question was asked. “Drawing, reading, movies…”

“What do you like to draw?” San followed up as he took a seat, patting the space beside him on the blanket to invite them to sit as well. Without a word, they took a seat, leaving a few inches between them

“For fun, I enjoy drawing fantasy scenes and making characters,” they shrugged. “But I also do a lot of stuff for school and sometimes stuff people need for a project or something.”

“Oooo,” San’s eyes widened with interest. “I’d love to see some of what you do.”

“I don’t really have much here,” they shook their head. “Just a little sketch pad to keep me from going crazy out here. I mostly do digital art.”

“I’d still love to see it,” he gave them a gentle bump with his elbow. “Could I maybe commission you for something?”

“Like what?” They turned to look at him, interested but worried he would expect too much.

“Do you do portraits or characters based on people?” He questioned as an idea struck him.

“Sometimes,” they nodded.

“Could you do something with all of us?” San proposed. “Something with each one of us as… something else, more than just our boring selves.”

“Do you mean like as animal characters?” They quirked their head to the side.

“Hmmm, or maybe like fantasy creatures,” San suggested excitedly. “Can’t you see her as a fairy? Or maybe a witch? And the boys as her familiars?”

“Oh dude, yeah,” They replied excitedly. “She would be the cutest forest witch and maybe Yunho would be her wolf and Mingi… maybe her fox?”

“Oooo, yes, I like it,” San gushed with a wide grin. “What about me? What would I be?”

“Oh, you feel like vampire to me, I think,” they replied without missing a beat.

“Is that why you seem to think I must bite,” he teased.

“No,” they laughed, a real relaxed laugh for the first time that day. “But you are too charming, I have to stay on my toes.”

“Charming?” He puffed out his chest at the compliment. “Are my charms working on you?”

“Maybe, a little,” they suppressed a smile.

“Guess I’ll have to try harder then,” San leaned in closer, giving them a meaningful look. The conversation between the two of them was interrupted by a triumphant Mingi and Yunho hooting over their primal success at making fire. She looked proudly at her two boys raising one of her hands above her head in a celebratory gesture at their success.

“See, we can take care of you, even if we have to run away into the woods because society collapses,” Mingi laughed.

“Never had a doubt,” she replied, opening her arms to him as he came to join her where she had taken a seat. “I have the best boys.” She welcomed his curling around her as he took a seat behind her and pulled her back against him. He tucked his face into the top of her head, breathing in the scent he missed so much. Just the smell of her, the feel of her soft warmth in his arms made the tension start to melt from him and his chest feel just a little less tight. Yunho took a seat beside them, entwining his hand with one of Mingi’s, scooting until his thigh was pressed against the other boy’s.

“They really were made for each other, weren’t they?” Alex asked San as they both watched the three of them settle in together. “How do their families not see it? Like how do they keep it a secret?”

“Some of it has to be that they don’t want to know,” San shook his head. “And at least her family, they know something, they just… I don’t know that it would occur to them that they would make it work, the three of them all together.”

“Yeah, I guess I didn’t get it either, even when she said it,” they agreed.

“For a while I wished they had just… taken me in too,” San admitted.

“You mean like, not just as a friend?” They asked, eyes widening slightly at the thought.

“Mmm,” San nodded. “I think I just wanted that kind of acceptance and to be that important to someone. I like both of the boys but…”

“But you don’t really want to be with them like that,” Alex filled in for him.

“Maybe I’d like it more than I think,” he nodded. “But having kissed them all… Chipmunk is really the only one I really feel that way about. Or did? Maybe… It gets to be a little confusing sometimes.”

“I think I’m a little too selfish to want to share like that,” they admitted. “Not that I can even find one person who wants to be with me, but, you know.”

“Oh? No boyfriend or girlfriend… or gender neutral partner?” San asked, trying not to reveal too much with the question.

“No,” Alex gave a little scoffing laugh.

“So you’re telling me I have a chance?” San leaned closer and gave them a charming smile.

“As if you would,” Alex could feel a flash of heat rise on their face and chest at the flirting. He doesn’t really mean it, they told themself. He’s just teasing.

“Alex?” San said their name softly, coaxing them to look at him. Pausing for half a second in indecision, he took his chance. After all, no risk, no reward. San reached out, cupping their cheek and holding their face at the right angle for his lips to meet theirs. It was a bare brush of lips, nothing too much or too aggressive since he wasn’t sure it would be welcomed.

“Why?” Alex asked as he pulled back slightly to be able to look into their eyes.

“Because I think you’re cute and interesting,” San replied gently. They looked back at him, scanning his expression for any sign of dishonesty or teasing, but found none. It didn’t make sense that such a gorgeous guy would like them and they didn’t really trust it… but…

Alex leaned in connecting with Sans lips again, taking the initiative. They tilted their head, letting their nose brush past his as they let their lips part just a little as they took his. San gladly took the invitation and brought his hand to the back of their head, pulling them closer as he sucked their bottom lip into his mouth. They drew in a quick breath at the sensation as their nose brushed against his cheek gently.

San felt a shock of arousal and satisfaction as they gave into the kiss. He couldn’t deny that they had caught his interest from the moment they had appeared so fortunately on the shore of the lake talking to her. There was something… kind about them. Something under that sense of discomfort in their own skin was a clear gentleness and desire to make those around them comfortable, even as they couldn’t find that for themself.

Much as he could have happily gone further, San pulled back. They were worth going slow for and, at the very least, they had all night to see where things would go.

“Would you roast a marshmallow with me,” he asked, letting his hand drop from cradling their head, instead going to entwine his fingers with theirs.

“Do you want to make a smore to share?” They suggested. “I brought good chocolate for it.”

“I’d love to,” San beamed, giving them a peck on the cheek before he reached for one of the metal skewers propped up nearby.

10:35 P.M. in the cabin

“I’ll be right back,” Her dad said, slipping on his shoes near the door to the cabin. “I’m just going to check on the kids one last time.”

“I’m sure they are fine, honey,” her mother smiled at him as she continued to read in the comfy armchair under the lamp. “But I know you’ll feel better if you go make sure. Tell them all to sleep well for me.”

“Alright,” he nodded and laughed. She knew him too well, but how could she not after more than a quarter of a century being married to him? The moon was full and bright overhead, lending a light to the forest below where it was open to the sky. His years of visiting this place meant that the dark parts of the path felt like second nature to his feet. It hadn’t even occurred to him to bring a flashlight.

He could hear the kids before he could see them. Even though he couldn’t make out what was said, he could hear San speaking in a soft teasing tone followed by Alex snickering. It may have been a while since he had seen h- them, he corrected in his mind, he recognised it. A smile spread across his face. It sounded like they were all having fun.

Before he got to the edge of the trees he could make out their group and what he saw made him freeze in his tracks. Seated between him and the bright, flickering bonfire was his daughter and her two best friends. There was nothing unusual about seeing all of them together, even to see them all touching, or piled in each other’s laps. But what he saw was something more.

She was nestled tightly between Yunho’s lanky legs as he held her against him with one long, gentle arm. His other hand was resting softly on the forearm of the other boy who was seated as close as he could manage, his legs slipped under hers and weaving around the butts of the two people he was facing. Mingi was not only sitting curled around the other two, something he would have found perhaps confusing but not surprising given how close they had always been. No, he was busy kissing his daughter. A deep, passionate, familiar sort of kiss that wasn’t something that just happened between friends on a whim.

What really confused him, was how comfortable Yunho was being so close as they made out like that. He had never had a friend like that. His mystification at that only lasted a few seconds until Mingi pulled back and then moved to connect his lips with the other boy who met him with equal passion. All at once, things started to fall into place for him. All the years of saying she couldn’t choose, all the years of them being so inseparable as a trio. The way they looked at his daughter and seemed to trail after her with hearts in their eyes.

Why didn’t she ever just say something? He asked himself as he took a step back, heading up to the cabin again. Would he have ever let her move in with them if she had told him when they were all starting university together? No, probably not, he admitted honestly. He probably would have thought they were insane. They were kids after all, what did they know about life and love? I guess enough that they are that happy even after living together for a year.

He walked in the door and headed to the bedroom where he found his wife already dressed and lying in bed, reading the same book she had been reading when he headed down, now just tucked into the covers of their bed.

“What’s up honey?” She said, folding her book in her lap. “Did one of the kids say something stupid, or were they doing something they shouldn’t?”

“No, just…” he started as he took his shirt off to change for bed. “Are we good parents?”

“Of course!” Her tone was scolding and surprised at the question. “What did they say? Who do I need to go yell at? They are kids, what do they know?”

“No, no, no one said anything, but,” he sighed, pausing long enough to finish changing so he could crawl into bed beside her. “Something is happening with our daughter and the boys.”

“Oh that again,” she relaxed a little against the headboard as she put the book down on the bedside table with the lamp. “They are the best friends I could have asked for our daughter. I can’t really ask for more as long as she is happy, honey.”

“They really love her,” he sighed.

“Why do you make it sound like that is a bad thing,” she chuckled at him, picking up his hand and giving it a squeeze. “I know it might be making it hard for her to find someone to date but I can’t say that it breaks my heart too much right now.”

“No, I don’t think there is room for anyone else there,” he sighed.

“That will change with time,” she tried to soothe. “Someone will catch someone’s eye and they’ll all have to go their own directions. I just hope they really do stay friends forever.”

“You know how I’ve always said she must be dating one of them,” he tried again, starting over. “But I could never figure out which one it was?”

“Yes, yes,” she smiled at him.

“It’s because it’s both of them,” he turned to look at her, wanting to gage her reaction, in part, needing to know he wasn’t the only one who had been blind to that possibility.

“I know they are all close, but that doesn’t mean--” she started, trying to tame his worries.

“I saw them kissing,” he clarified. “All of them.”

For a second she stared back at him, trying to take in the information or find some other explanation and failing. “Like kissing kissing? She was kissing both of them?”

“And they were kissing each other,” he emphasized. Admittedly he hadn’t seen her kiss Yunho, but he had no doubt she had, given the way he was holding her as Mingi did.

“Oh,” she said slowly, sitting back and looking thoughtfully into the space at the foot of the bed.

“Are we bad parents that she felt she needed to hide this from us?” He asked after a moment of silence.

“No honey,” she assured him. “Of course not. But… I think I can see why she might think we wouldn’t understand.”

“I don’t think I do understand it,” he shrugged. “But that doesn’t mean I can’t accept it.”

“And that is why you are a good dad,” she gave his cheek a kiss before leaning her head on his shoulder. “Did you talk to them?”

“No,” he admitted, feeling a little embarrassed that he had basically run away. “I was so startled and I didn’t know what to say to them.”

“Should we talk to them tomorrow?” She offered. “We can all sit down and get it all out in the open.”

“No, I…” he gave a sigh and flattened his lips into a line as he tried to figure out what he wanted to say. “I want her to come to us. She isn’t a little kid and she is allowed to have secrets and decide when she is comfortable letting us in. I just… I want her to know that we will love her no matter what. We just want her to be happy.”

“Well then let’s make sure she knows that,” she slipped an arm around his waist. “Gosh, it isn’t just her secret is it?”

“What do you mean?” He asked, returning the gesture.

“Well, even if she thought we would accept it, at least at some point,” she sighed with a slight sadness. “I think she knows she is also keeping it to protect the boys she loves.”

“Oh, right,” honestly the thought hadn’t occurred to him yet.

“Mingi’s father has always been a little biggoted hasn’t he?” She pointed out. “I’d imagine that wouldn’t go over well with him, really.”

“Well we took in one adult son already,” he joked. “What’s a couple more, right?”

“Right,” she agreed with a smile. “Maybe letting them know that is a place to start?”

“This is why I married you,” he gave a contented sigh and pulled her into a full hug. “Always pick someone smarter than you.”

10:31 P.M. at the lake

“What would you think of heading to bed soon?” Yunho suggested, placing a kiss on the side of her neck as he cuddled her back against his chest.

“We should make sure that Alex feels okay with San though,” she pointed out as her fingers played with the hand pressed against her stomach.

“They look like they might be grateful for some privacy actually,” Mingi grinned broadly, casting a glance at them. She turned to look at the pair off towards the side of the fire, cuddled up together as San flirtily whispered something to Alex, who blushed and smiled.

“Did we play matchmaker,” she whispered to the boys excitedly.

“Maybe,” Yunho chuckled with both of them. “Oh my god, are we becoming those people?”

“Those people?” Mingi asked, his brow furrowing.

“The happy coupled people who want everyone around them to pair off,” Yunho couldn’t help but laugh, hiding his face in her shoulder as he tried not to be too loud.

“Oh no, maybe,” she grimaced. “But in our defense, we didn’t do it to set them up.”

“True,” Yunho nodded, pressing his cheek to the top of her head as he looked at Mingi.

“Do you think your family has gone to bed yet,” Mingi asked, his gaze flickering towards the cabin even as he reached for them.

“What time is it?” She grabbed Yunho’s hand to look at the watch he had on one wrist. “Oh probably. It’s 10:30 so they probably went to bed a little while ago. I’m a little surprised they didn’t come to check on us, but… yeah I guess they figured we would have come if we needed anything.”

“The only thing I need is you two,” Mingi pouted, leaning closer to them.

“Aww, my poor love,” she reached out and cupped his face. “We have all night, though I suspect I should probably slip into the tent with Alex sometime before dawn.”

“Do you think someone will come and check?” Yunho asked.

“Not so much check as I think dad will probably come and get us for breakfast and he would notice if I wasn’t in the right place,” she sighed. “But we can have a few hours just the three of us and we can give San and Alex a little more time to get familiar if they want as well.”

“Does that mean I can kiss you now?” Mingi asked, a hopeful look on his face as he slid his legs under hers, getting as close to her as he could.

“I think it’s safe, love,” she nodded, looking up into his face as he drew close. Mingi gave her a dreamy look for half a second before he took her lips. One of his hands helped her head move to the right angle while the other slid over to rest half on Yunho’s thigh and half on her waist. The slightly smokey taste of roasted marshmallows clung to her lips, mixed with the deeper taste of chocolate over the flavor of herself. He could feel the sense of contentment he had been craving flow through him at the touch. His nose brushed over the peach fuzz softness of her cheek as he felt Yunho’s large, warm hand caress over his forearm. With a gentle suck, he pulled the tip of her tongue into his mouth. A shiver went through him at the soft velvety sensation of it moving past the softness of the inside of his lips.

Yunho waited patiently, hearing the impatient sounds Mingi let out, completely unaware that he was doing so. It was one of the things he loved about him. He was completely guileless in his enjoyment of them. Somehow he didn’t seem to have it in him to even pretend an indifference or patience, even for show. He was earnest in his need and wants and you never wondered where you stood with him.

Pulling away from her, he turned his hooded eyes on Yunho and moved to take his lips. Between them, she happily leaned her head against Mingi’s shoulder and listening to his heart throb. The moist sounds of her two boys kissing sent that familiar thrill through her as their bodies held her between them. She had missed this more than she thought and a hunger trickled over her skin.

Pushing Mingi away slightly, she turned to look at San and Alex who were sitting cozily together not so far away. “Alex,” she began, addressing her friend gently. “Are you okay with San if we… take a little time together in the bigger tent?”

“Yeah, we’re okay,” they replied, cuddling more into San’s side. “We might take some time in the other tent while you, uh, do your thing.”

“Yeah?” San looked at them closely. “We don’t have to rush anything. But if you want a little time alone, I wouldn’t say no.”

“Let’s put out the fire and then we can go… talk a little more,” they blushed even as they suggested it.

“Okay,” San nodded, brushing a soft kiss over their lips before he stood up to get a little water to smother the fire. They stood up behind him, picking up a bowl to gather a little water to help smother the fire.

While San and Alex busied themselves with the fire, Yunho led Mingi and their girl into the tent and zipped the door closed behind them before lighting the little battery powered lamp that hung from the highest point of the inside. Mingi crawled over their girl, asking her to lay down with his body rather than his words. She happily stretched out on top of the slick fabric of one of the sleeping bags as he lowered his body over hers.

“You so eager to make love to our girl?” Yunho teased, stretching out beside them.

“I want you both,” Mingi replied, reaching out for him. “What do you want to do tonight?”

“I want us both to make love to her,” Yunho’s eyes seemed to darken in the tent as he spoke. “I want to see you make our girl cry out your name, then I want to have my turn. I want us both to come inside her; all of our cum filling her up and mixed together. Maybe…”

“Maybe this time we’ll fill her until she has our baby?” Mingi finished for him, one of his hands traveling down to stroke her still trim waist. In the time since their trip to New York, the fantasy had become one of Yunho’s favorites. The fact that none of them were really ready for children didn’t matter. They all wanted it someday and the image of her round and carrying their baby had been something that clung in the backs of their minds. Someday it would happen and anyone who saw her would know she was taken, she was theirs.

“Maybe,” Yunho agreed. “If we keep her filled up all the time, it will happen one of these days, won’t it?”

Under Mingi she shivered, feeling pleasure pooling in her stomach and between her legs. Her thighs cradled his narrow hips and she squirmed against him as she looked for friction. There were too many clothes and it had been too long. She wanted to feel filled and enveloped by her boys. Tonight was already feeling too short and impatience was rising in her with the same ferocity as her pleasure.

“Do you want that too, love?” Yunho asked, petting her head gently from the side.

“Yes please,” she whimpered. “I want everything off and I want you both to fuck me, please.”

“I don’t want to fuck you tonight,” Mingi used his hands to turn her face to look at him. “I want you under me and around me as long as possible. It’s going to be so long before I can do it again.”

“Oh babe,” she cradled his head as he pressed his forehead to hers. “I’ll find time again soon. I promise to find at least a couple times a week for the rest of the time we’re her, okay?”

“Promise,” he looked at her with puppyish eyes.

“Mm-hm,” she lifted her lips just enough to touch his. “Maybe a picnic tomorrow? We can have an afternoon, just the three of us?”

“Please,” he nodded, letting out a sigh.

“You know I’ve missed you too, right?” She assured him. “I miss my precious Mingi’s arms around me while I go to sleep. I miss the way you snuggle up when you aren’t quite ready to get up in the morning. I miss the way you stick your knee between my thighs just to get a little closer when you curl up against my back.”

“Waking up tangled up with both of you is my favorite part of the day,” Yunho confessed, curling around them both from the side. “Someday I’ll never have to let you go again.”

San lay down on the pillowy material of the sleeping bag as Alex zipped the tent closed. He watched as they paused briefly after closing them both in the intimate space of the tent.

“You okay?” San asked gently. “We can go back out and hang out on the dock or something if you want.”

“No, no,” they turned around, carefully moving to sit beside him. “I’m just… I don’t really do this so I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do.”

“There isn’t anything you’re supposed to do,” He smiled, sitting up. “What do you want to do?”

“I’m not sure,” they blushed. “Can I just lie down with you for a little?”

“Of course,” San nodded, scooting over more to the side of the tent to give them space. They lay down on their side, tucking a pillow under their head, facing him in the dimness.

“Won’t you come a little closer?” They reached out towards him.

“Gladly,” San agreed with a pleased look and a sparkle in his eyes. “Just let me know what you want.”

“Okay,” they agreed, eyes fixed on him as he came closer. A small part of them still expected him to pull away or say he was just kidding and couldn’t keep up the ruse. Someone as handsome as him didn’t like people like them. They weren’t that lucky. Maybe he was just lonely being stuck with what was seemingly the happiest thrupple in existence. But even if that was what it was, they wouldn’t turn him down. Who could turn down the chance to bask in the sun that was the attention of someone like him, even if it was just for a little while. It was better than nothing, wasn’t it?

“What’s that sadness I see in there?” San pouted, brushing his fingers over their cheek.

“What?” Their eyes widened, wondering what was being revealed through their expression.

“Just something in your eyes,” he explained. “They are beautiful, but sometimes I think I see something that just makes me want to tuck you in my pocket and keep you safe.”

“You make me sound like a kid or something,” they scoffed slightly, wrinkling their nose.

“Not a kid,” San scolded sweetly. “Just someone very special that deserves to be protected from the meanness in the world.”

“I do okay on my own,” they shrugged.

“Do okay, huh?” He sighed giving them an enigmatic look. “I want to see you be that bright shining person I catch glimpses of when you laugh without thinking about it. You’re beautiful when you’re like that. Or should I say handsome? Maybe enchanting?”

“Beautiful is okay,” they assured him. “I mean I’m not, but I don’t mind you saying it.”

“But you are,” San scolded, pulling himself up on his elbow as he looked down at them. “Looking in your eyes gives me butterflies, they are so lovely.”

“I wish I believed you,” they admitted.

“Should I tell you what I see?” He asked, running his fingertips over their cheekbone. They only nodded in return. “I see eyes that sparkle with laughter when you think no one is watching. I see blushy cheeks that are so cute I just want to reach out and hide them with my hands. I see a nose with little freckles that remind me of a dusting of cinnamon on a cookie. I see lips that just beg for kisses. And behind all that, I see someone warm and wonderful who deserves to be adored just for being themself.”

Alex looked at him across the short distance, looking for some sarcasm, some something that showed he was just flattering them for fun or some other ulterior motive that would have made much more sense. Yet, they found none. They had a few friends at school, some people who accepted them without judgement and question, but they weren’t that close and none of them had ever had anything resembling a crush on them. They just… weren’t really anyone’s type. Or maybe it was just that they weren’t someone people noticed. Except, it would seem, the most beautiful guy they had ever seen.

Pushing past the doubts and the feeling that this was just too good to be real, Alex pushed up and leaned over San to bring their lips together. For a second San was surprised, not expecting them to be so daring, but he quickly recovered, moving his hand to cradle the back of their head. His lips parted and his palm stroked along the fuzzy softness of their short hair where it blended into the back of their neck. Their warm breath puffed nervously across his cheek as their hand gripped the muscles of his bicep just a little tighter than necessary. San smiled against their lips, letting out a satisfied chuckle.

“Sorry,” Alex pulled back at the sound. “Did I do something wrong?” San didn’t even answer, just pulled them back to lie on top of him more fully as he guided their lips back to his.

She gasped at the stretch as Mingi slid home inside her. His body covered hers, enveloping her in the warmth and scent of his skin. Yunho held one of her hands in both of his as he laid beside them watching and waiting for his turn. She could feel the burning heat of his eyes even as Mingi’s hands cupped her cheeks, holding her face to keep their gazes locked.

“Mingi baby,” she whispered, running her other hand up along his spine. “I love you so much more than I could ever tell you.”

“I wish I was waking up tomorrow like this,” his eyes searched her pleasure dazed gaze. “My chest hurts when I think about not being able to just be able to hold you. I feel like I’m alone again.”

“Babe, we can find a little more time to sneak off now,” she soothed. “Do you want a sort of safe word for when you need one of us to make time?”

“I know I’m being stupid about it,” Mingi sighed, pressing his forehead to hers.

“No babe,” she shook her head, nuzzling her nose against his. “I hurt when you hurt. What you need is what I need too.”

“I just need this,” he breathed, moving his hips with a slow deliberation. “I need to feel you around me.”

Yunho kissed his shoulder, moving his lips gently against the soft warmth of Mingi’s skin. Mingi turned his face to look at the other boy even as he kept moving inside their girl. His lips met Yunho’s with a clashing hunger. His need for both of them flowed over his skin. The past few days had felt like he was in a cage that was slowly filling with water until it threatened to go over his head. Their presence were the hands unlocking the door and pulling him out.

“I love you, Mingi,” Yunho breathed against his lips. “I’m so sorry I’ve been neglecting you.”

“How are you so patient?” Mingi whined, kissing the corner of Yunho’s mouth.

“Because I know I have you,” the blue haired boy explained, love shining in his eyes. “I would be happy to hold you both in my arms every moment of the day, but I know, even when I can’t, I always have you. If I had to wait a hundred years for you, I would. Sometimes I forget to make sure you feel the same.”

A lightness bloomed in his chest, letting it loosen like a lock released by a key. It wasn’t the touch alone that he had been craving. He had needed that affirmation that he was loved and needed by them in equal measure. Had they not been so patient and hidden their wants so well, that sense of isolation and need would not have felt so suffocating. He buried his face in the pillow draped with her hair, emptying his mind of everything but the scent and the comfort and the sensation.

The feel of San’s warm hands on their back sent shivers over their skin. His touch just felt right. They couldn’t help it and let out a soft whimper. Beneath them San let out a satisfied chuckle.

Alex pulled back and gave him a pouting look. “Are you laughing at me?”

“Yes,” he grinned in playful challenge. “You’re so cute.”

“What if I don’t want to be cute?” They gave his shoulder a light push.

“How about sweet?” He tested and they wrinkled their nose and shook their head. “Adorable?” He tried again. They lifted their hand, making a so-so sort of motion. “Oooo, how about hot… sexy… tempting?”

“Am I really?” They asked, a little of the mask of teasing falling away.

“You don’t believe me?” San scolded.

“Not… exactly,” Alex shrugged.

San took their hand and pressed it to his taut stomach before slowly dragging it lower until it rested over his very hard length. “You don’t have to believe when I say it, but you are very tempting.”

“But doesn’t that just, like, happen,” they asked, a blush blooming on their cheeks, yet they didn’t pull away.

“Sometimes,” San admitted with a quirk to the corner of his mouth. “And sometimes it's for a very specific reason.”

“I, um,” they stuttered slightly. “Should I help you with it?”

“It’s okay,” he shook his head, lifting their hand up to rest on his chest. “No reason to rush things.”

“Is… is it uncomfortable,” Alex asked, letting him hold his hand even as their eyes traveled to the bulge of his crotch. “We can… if you want…”

From the other tent, a strangled half moan, half cry drifted through the air bringing a blush to both of the people in the isolation of the second tent.

“I want to wait,” San shook his head and pulled them down to cuddle against his side. “I want my first time to be something special. Something like what they have.”

“You haven’t been with anyone before?” They were surprised to hear that. If there was anyone they would have imagined had their choice of people to sleep with, someone who should have been experienced, it would have been him.

“Nah,” He sighed, nuzzling into the longer hair on the top of their head as it rested on his shoulder. “Growing up I always heard about love at first sight and soulmates from my parents. My dad said he knew mom was for him the first moment he saw her. He never wanted to be with anyone else. Then I saw those three together and it sort of cemented it for me. I want to be with someone who makes it feel like there is only us in a room, even when it’s full of people.”

“You never had someone that made you feel like that?” They bit their lip and tangled their fingers in the fabric of his shirt.

“There might be someone I met recently,” he murmured with a cryptic humor, holding them closer.

“What—” Alex tried to sit up and look at San, not sure he really meant what he seemed to be implying.

“Shhhhh,” he stroked a hand over their cheek as he held them tightly against his side. “Let’s just enjoy the time we have. We can figure things out later.”

Alex relaxed against his side, taking the moment of feeling valued and seen by someone they never would have dreamed would have looked at them twice. His hands, strong and comforting, held them closely against him. His touch was affectionate without being demanding, skating that thin line between making them feel wanted without pushing for things to go further. He was right, Alex thought as they closed their eyes, their head cradled against his chest. They had time to see where this might go.

Masterlist

[tatwaffel]

“Remus didn't love Tonks. Tonks forced him into a relationship. He was too old for her!”

Bullshit.

First things first, why do some people think Remus didn't love Tonks? Well, Remus is more of a background character. He doesn't talk about his feelings a lot and lives very withdrawn because of his lycanthropy. But then there's this huge problem of Remus Lupin having no self confidence.

Why's that a problem? Well...

We had this wonderful conversation between the trio and Remus where he finally opened up a bit. He said marrying Tonks was a mistake.

But here we have to pay attention. Mind you, Remus has no self confidence. He thinks himself to be a monster. 'He had never fallen in love before'. He's scared and overwhelmed.

By saying he shouldn't have married Tonks he does not say in the slightest that he doesn't love her. He thinks he's ruined her life, spoiled his unborn son's life, made them outcasts.

I ask you, if you don't care about your wife and your unborn child, if you don't love them, would you care like that?

Remus clearly is full of regret but only for 'ruining' Tonks's life. Remus hates himself for that. And, being an outcast himself for years, he runs away. He panics. He's babbling here, clearly distraught. It seems like he left Tonks and apparated straight here.

So this is the scene that makes Remadora haters doubt. But, with all due of respect, if you really think that in this scene Remus finally admitted that he doesn't love Tonks, then you don't understand Remus's character at all.

Now we have that negative thing sorted, here some more positive evidence why Remus loved Tonks.

I'd like to refer to the article on Pottermore here, saying Remus was 'first amused, then impressed, then seriously smitten' by Tonks. 'He had never fallen in love before'.

And this fits so well!

You have this clumsy, bubbly, jolly auror lass with the pink hair and large boots. She's constantly tripping, always up for mischief, bubbling with life. For Remus, Tonks is the definition of happiness. Happiness - a thing he's missed for many many years. He learns to smile again, watching her trip over the troll leg but still laughing, watching her morph her hair in a all colours of the rainbow or walking in with a beak. Despite there being a war, he can finally smile again. He found happiness in her.

But then, as they naturally go on missions (like it's said on Pottermore), he realizes that Tonks is capable. She's an auror trained by Alastor Moody after all. She could battle three death eaters at once and probably still win without being scarred. But he's not only impressed by that. He's impressed that she doesn't mind him being a werewolf. He's impressed that she still wants to spend time with him. She's so different from most of the wizard community. She's kind of a freak, really, just like him.

But then, feelings come. He finds himself not only smitten, but seriously smitten. Tonks is all he secretly yearns for. Someone who takes him the way he is, someone who makes him smile even in this dark times. He has fallen for the clumsy auror with the vivid hair.

When she told him she loved him 'after a year of warm friendship', his first reaction was a kind of happiness he's never felt before! He did not immediately start rejecting her, as said on Pottermore, that came later. His first reaction was happiness that the woman he loved loved him back.

Then there's the fact that he clearly enjoyed her company. Pottermore states that, despite his belief that he had to reject her, he still was happy every time he got paired on an overnight mission with her. Furthermore, they are together all the time! Usually, whenever Remus is mentioned in OOTP, Tonks is around. Whether as an old lady escorting the kids back to Hogwarts, or as herself at the breakfast table at headquarters. Coincidence? Well, you never saw Hestia or Emmeline that much in Remus's company, did you?

Oh, and there's this cute little fact of Remus being jealous. Before telling him she's fallen for him sometime in summer 1996, Tonks mentions that 'Sirius is still handsome, isn't he? Even after Azkaban.' And Remus's reaction is jealousy. He tells her that he supposes she's fallen for Sirius, then. Would he react like that if he wasn't in love with Tonks? Certainly not.

A chapter Remadora haters must've overlooked when reading the books was the one in DH when Remus came to Shell Cottage and proudly told everyone about their son. He's beaming and bubbling, which is nothing like the withdrawn and melancholic Remus we know. He's incredibly happy. He also speaks of 'Dora' pretty much, in a very affectionate way.

But second thing, Tonks pushed Remus into a relationship. What?

This is something most Remadora haters say. But, if they really knew Remus's character, they'd realize it's utter bullshit.

Yes, Remus is a lonely and sad man a lot of the time. He yearns to have someone who loves him, be near this someone. He doesn't like to be lonely.

However, he went away with the werewolf pack for about a year. Again, Remus Lupin went to life with the werewolf pack of Fenrir Greyback, the one who ruined his life, for an entire bloody year. An attempt to run away from his feelings, make Tonks realize she wouldn't miss him and just fall for another man - but most importantly here: Remus did manage to keep his distance tho the woman who he loved was waiting at a safer place than somewhere in a cave or forest filled with wolves.

Remus does posses a great will power. If he really didn't want to engulf himself in a relationship, a marriage with Tonks, he simply wouldn't!

Remus wouldn't marry a woman he didn't love just because she loved him and he wanted to do her a favor.

Just recently, I read someone saying that Tonks isn't a strong woman. She's clingy for chasing after Remus.

Tonks didn't chase after Remus. If she had, she would've abandoned her auror duties and left for any forest to get Remus back from the pack. But she stayed at Hogwarts doing her duty of protecting the castle.

We all know she suffered from depression after Remus started rejecting her. Her hair is mousy brown, she looks ill and sad. No wonder. In her eyes, the love of her life preferred death over being with her. How is that not heartbreaking? Besides, her cousin second degree and good friend, Sirius, passed away recently. She's pretty much alone now. And there's a war! She's lost Sirius to the veil, has lost or might lose Remus to the wolves, might lose her parents to the death eaters. This is all much to cope with.

But I ask you: doesn't it make Tonks strong that she kept going? She wasn't selfish and chased after Remus, she guarded Hogwarts because that's where the Order needed her. Plus, she showed her emotions. She didn't try to act like all was well. And that is true strength.

Tonks didn't cling to Remus, pushing him to be with her because she wanted to. Tonks could've had any man, actually. But she wanted Remus.

An important detail we have to see here is that Tonks's attitude described as 'clingy' isn't rooted in selfishness.

This is fiction, but Remus was a broken man. And Tonks tried to fix him. Though Remus said and thought the contrary, Tonks knew that he was indeed worthy of love. Tonks is not stupid - she realized that Remus liked her back. So why should she not try to make him realize he could and should be happy?

There's another thing Remadora haters bring up, which is saying that Tonks's patronus didn't change of pure love, but obsession. Tonks's patronus is a wolf like Remus's because she's obsessed with him. This is compared to Snape's relation to Lily, which is also (labeled as) obsession. Doe and doe, wolf and wolf.

Now what if I tell you that doe and doe doesn't work in nature? Wolf and wolf does. Remus being a male ought to have a male wolf patronus, Tonks a female one. Like it was for James and Lily aka stag and doe.

Tonks's patronus changed because she truly loved Remus. As already stated before, she wasn't obsessed with him.

Tonks didn't go into the battle because she was obsessed with Remus either. She joined the Battle of Hogwarts to fight alongside her husband. Tonks did something Tonks always does when it comes to Remus: make sure he's not alone, make sure he's loved, make sure he's protected.

Last thing, the 13 years age gap.

Well? Why exactly does that matter?

In OOTP Tonks was 22, Remus was 35. In the wizarding world, Tonks was a woman of full age. Five years over the magical line of 17 years, actually. Both were adults. Why is that problematic? When Tonks was born, Remus was 13. That even makes him too old to be her father! I see no problem in that age gap, to be honest. I only see a problem in the narrow minded people who keep using it as a reason why Remus and Tonks shouldn't be together.

I do not expect you all to ship Remadora after this and abandon all your other Remus x any character ships you liked before, simply to stop hating on Remadora - stop hating on any other ship. This is fiction, after all.

All of us are drawn to that one ship, canon or not, that fills our heart with indescribable joy and makes us believe in true love.

For me, that is Remus x Tonks.