#she shouldn’t be shouting at 14-15 year olds

[skautism]

kind of hilarious that every teacher knows that the only teacher fully able to reel band kids in is our director and if i’m being a little shit they bother him on break

[superhero--imagines]

Part 1 Here! / Part 2 Here! /Part 3 Here! / Part 4 Here! / Part 5 Here! / Part 6 Here! /

 Part 7 Here! / Part 8 Here! / Part 9 Here! / Part 10 Here! / Part 11 Here! / Part 12 Here! /

Part 13 Here! / Part 14 Here! / Part 15 Here! / Part 16 Here ! / Part 17 Here! / 

Part 18 Here! / Part 19 Here! / Part 20 here! / Part 21 Here! / Part 22 Here! / 

Part 23 Here! / Part 24 Here! / Part 25 Here! / Part 26 Here! / Part 27 Here! / 

Part 28 Here!  / Part 29 Here! / Part 30 Here ! <This is Part 31!>

A/N: This one isn’t as good as normal but it’s the best I could do

* This is bad

* “Woah, how’d you do that Tyson?” Percy has stars in his eyes as he inspects Tyson’s unscarred hands after he caught flaming dodgeballs like it was nothing.

* Neither you nor Percy have a weapon, the only person here capable of taking on these flaming monsters is Tyson—but he’s like seven years old in Cyclops years so that’s not a good idea.

* ‘But I’ve been through worse.’ You remind yourself with a deep breath.

* These are monsters, not gods. You can always rely on your despair.

* You turn to Perfcy and Tyson, an apology on your lips when there’s a guttural groan on the other side of the gym.

* Invisible gashes form on the monsters one by one as they combust into flames, black scratch marks where they once stood.

* Annabeth materializes when her baseball is knocked of her head by a particularly violent gust of flames.

* But not before she strikes the last one down, shrieking in pain when a flame flickers against her arm.

* ‘Huh, I guess that works too.’

* “Annabeth!” Percy shouts. You both run over to her, your hands held over singed flesh.

* Her bottom lip trembles between her teeth until blue light emits from your hands.

* The wound drys into a scab, then tender pink flesh, before disappearing completely.

* “I’ll never get over this.” Annabeth whispers, fingers trailing the unblemished skin.

* “What do you think you’re doing!?” A voice booms from behind you, and when you turn to look sure enough — the former Olympic medalist for archery, now just a high-paid school gym teacher — is glowering at you.

* Percy immediately tenses with a sad look in his eyes. “It was nice staying here while it lasted,”

* The coach makes his way to you in heavy steps, Percy rises, his mouth trembling.

* “It was all—”

* He walks right past you three and to the red lever in the wall.

* “I know you kids care about each other, but in these cases, if there’s an electrical fire you really need to ring the fire alarm.”

* “An electrical fire?’ Percy mumbles to himself.

* “Come on kids! Let’s head out from the backway just like we practiced in the drills!”

* Percy, Annabeth, Tyson and you file into line with the other students.

* “He didn’t get mad,” Tyson whispers.

* Your first reaction is to tell him of course he wouldn’t get mad, it’s not like any of you asked for a fire.

* But when you see the look on Percy and Annabeth’s face, you swallow your words.

* You’ve always gone to St. Catherine’s, and with your divine father's consistent presence, you wouldn’t be surprised if the mist worked favorably here because the faculty had a good impression of you—and by extension your friends.

* But the same can’t be said for your friends.

* ‘They’re just children, they shouldn’t have to be so cunning that they can manipulate what a person thinks they saw.’

* Your lips tucks between your teeth and you swallow hard.

* “Of course, he didn’t.” you’re just a child. “You deserve to be trusted.”

* If they heard you they don’t make any indication as your group is jostled outside, cellphones held to ears as children call their parents.

* ‘Maybe I should call Dad and let him know. I should let them borrow my phone too, hopefully they know their parents number—‘

* “Annabeth, what are you doing here?”

* “I-I came here to get Percy, they’re asking for him at camp.” Then looking a bit bashful, she adds: “I didn’t know you guys went to the same school.”

* “I never mentioned it?” Percy says with a rather ingenuine shrug. Annabeth pouts.

* “Looks like it’s your lucky day, this is a three-for-one.”

* “Where did you find him?” She gestures to Tyson.

* “He’s my friend.” Percy answers, slightly miffed at her tone.

* Annabeth hails a taxi like you’ve never seen before, dark green in color with smoke creeping out of the windows.

* “Yeah, no offense but I’d rather cut of my left nut then get in that thing.” (this is said in a gender neutral way I promise—if you identify M it’s serious, if F or non-binary it’s being dramatic)

* You wave your hand and a portal opens before you.

* You’ve practiced enough with your father this year to manage making it to one location, it still takes a lot of focus.

* You watch one of the drivers amber at Tyson.

* “Do you want to come with me Tyson?”

* He hesitates for a moment before shaking his head with a sweet smile.

* “I’m going to go with Percy.”

* You return his smile with your own.

* ‘Brothers should stick together after all.’

* “See you guys at camp!”

* You keep the image of rolling hills and the scent of strawberries in your mind, walking into the inky black abyss until sunlight floods your view

* And just like that you’re here.

* “Squad five attack from the right!”

* “Watch out for the flames!”

* “Get it together!!”

* A mechanical Bull rampages through campers like they’re players in grand theft auto.

* And just like that it’s like you never left.

* From the mass you spot a golden mmmmm familiar bright yellow head of hair.

* “Clarisse!”

* Her attention is diverted from her opponent for a moment, just long enough for the bill to latch onto her as it’s next target.

* “Get out of the way!”

* The two of you tumble out of the way and down a hill.

* She seems more shocked than usual to see you.

* “You need to get out of here.”

* “Yeah, we all need to get out of here. How’d a monster even get inside—”

* “No,” she grabs onto your arm. “You specifically need to leave right now.”

* ‘That’s kind of a rude thing to say to someone who saved your life.’

* You hear a loud crash and look up to see Tyson going head to head with the mechanical Bull.

* “Come on.” She tugs you by the arm around the squirmish past a shrieking bull, a screaming Annabeth and an adrenaline filled Percy.

* “Clarisse, our friends are that way!”

* She pays you no mind almost making it all the way to Thalia’s tree when the world goes still.

* “Shit.” She whispers.

* You turn with your eyebrows threaded together, seeing a group of startled campers staring back, where the Bull once stood is a man—at least six feet tall with a head of perfectly gold curls.

* He looks at you with a wolfish grin, his bright red blush flanked over his nose and spilling onto his cheeks.

* “(Y/N)! I was wondering when you’d show up!” Ares shouts with an excited wave.

* “Shit.”

Tag list :

@holybatflapexpert @atomicsophia @fadingunknowncoffee @hopeworldsupremacy @padsfirewhisky @magical-dreamland @kookiedesi @kiritokunuwu @bleepmorp @flickeringlizard @luckyzipperscissorsbat @jessiegerl @undecided-as-always @officiallydarkgeek

@marsbars09 @yizhoutv @alicesolengg @luxaryllis-primaryacc @time-shardz @cryinghotmess @crow-with-a-hoodie @the-nerdy-fangirl @crackedpumpkin @geekyandgay98

@lazydreamers @agentsofblinks @justsomestuffiguessman  @mxacegrey @angelic-simp @astrial @babypink224221 @weaponb33 @redactedhimbo @heart-charming  @psychomanias-blog @aliinunderland

@karnellius @lunavixia @cerberus-the-cutie @bes2005 @girlcrafter408 @loser-keiji @shadowsmusical @hazeofeleven @evilsailorsenshi

[spicybylerpolls]

Cafe anon is SO REAL for sharing their story. You’re not alone. I think that’s the elephant in the room not just here on spicy byler tumblr, but in any coming-of-age media contexts, so I applaud anon for directly facing the elephant.

And thank you spicybylerpolls for giving us a platform to express our unfiltered thoughts!

I remember they tried to cancel gracie abrams for saying something similar even though she was (a. not that much older than Finn, and b. correct lol). Even to this day people on twitter won’t let her live it down, even though it shouldn’t even matter cause Gracie and Finn are, you know, both legal adults now and within dateable range.

I think in anon’s case, being older than Gracie was at the time, it makes sense that they were especially freaked out by their “less than kosher” thoughts at the time since they were inherently scandalous. But any therapist will tell you not to dwell on your shocking thoughts as they don’t define you. They don’t make you a bad person. They just are what they are, shout out to Ke$ha.

In our world we have lines, and these lines are good cause they protect real-life kids from harm and abuse. I think we can all agree with that! But they weren’t created to protect us from our OWN thoughts. They CAN’T really do so. They don’t have that power. Cause then it becomes a maze of, “Your thoughts are bad and you need to be fixed and re-educated” which isn’t healthy. I feel like a better approach is to reflect and mediate on the potential deeper reasons for things.

In cafe anon’s case, she and her friend noticed something w/out any filters, and then they had to make sense of what they noticed cause it raised their alarm bells. Did it make them a “creep?” I don’t think so. I also feel like a true “creep” wouldn’t freak out. They would just be creepy.

I like the explanation of this not being a case of perving on a 13-year old actor and actually wanting to be with them in a tangible sense, but rather an act of putting yourself in your past teenage shoes. Speaking for myself, I know I constantly have dreams where i’m 14 or 15 again, and maybe even dreaming of someone I used to have a crush on. In my mind, they are still 14. We are both still 14. Is that weird? Some might argue that it is, but is it really? I think it’s normal.

But I also think this is a deeply psychological subject that gets at the heart of what we’re comfortable with, and what we SHOULD be comfortable with, and there’s no doubt it’s controversial. But if you can’t be controversial anonymously on an already anonymous platform, where can you be controversial? Nowhere.

Many are uncomfortable with this convo cause they conduct themselves in such a way that no incorrect thought EVER slips in. The more filters you put in, the less you allow yourself to ruminate and reflect upon all aspects of human psychology, the less familiar anon’s admissions will be. But a part of art, a part of being an artist, is to embrace the gray area, no? Is this a slippery slope? Maybe. But slip n’ slides are also fun.

It doesn’t mean dwelling on it, ofc. It’s wise to stick to age-appropriate crushes. Please don’t misinterpret my words. My point is that it’s totally normal to have thoughts you shouldn’t have from time to time. That’s called being human.

There’s this idea that everyone is a perfectly upstanding citizen and no one ever goes where they shouldn’t in their brain, and if you do you’re a creep and the FBI will knock down on your brain’s door, but that’s silly IMO. I applaud café anon for unpacking her physiological reaction to the photoshoots and then moving on with her life.

Of course, not everyone has the same filtering system or comfort level. Some us needed the clear line of demarcation of S4 byler to think spicily, and some of us have no such filter have no such filter and have always been thinking spicy thoughts about these characters, aged-up ofc!

I think now though, I’m so glad that more and more of us are recognizing the clear sexual innuendos and subtext the Duffers have placed into the show. And I hope we will approach S5 and the potential consummation scene with maturity! The Duffers aren’t creeps for telling this story. And you’re not creepy for noticing it.

Many would say that 13 is too young to use terms like “hot” even if you recognize their potential/recognize their cuteness, and I’d agree. But then the question becomes, where is the line? Lots of us here believe Finn and Noah are “hot” now. But at what point did they become hot, hmm?

Obviously on their 18th birthday and not a second before, you degenerates /s

I think if most of us are being honest, even if we wouldn’t say it out loud, we know that isn’t true. You grow into what you become. It doesn’t happen overnight with a birthday. And no one should be attacked for being honest.

Honesty isn’t a crime.

Thank you sharing your thoughts! There's a lot to unpack here. I agree that no one should be attacked for their honesty. And I agree that those who still try to cancel Gracie Abrams are ridiculous.

[inkribbon796]

Egotober 2023 Day 18: Retaliation

Summary: Anti is upset at Dark, Dark is upset because Anti keeps interrupting his business.

Prompt: Rage

Chapters: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31

Author hated the swamp. He loved putting his “characters” through the muck but Author loved the forest, not the swamp.

The young author was with Dark, who didn’t seem to care because he was using his aura to protect his suit as they were looking for something in the Everglades. If Author stuck close to Dark he was fine, but Author tended to get distracted and wandered a little bit a couple times.

One of those times Anti appeared right next to him. “Hey kid, I’m just bothering Dark. Wanna help?”

Author smiled back and set the end of his bat on his shoulder. “Maybe, what’s in it for me? Gonna leave me high and dry again?”

“Maybe, he’s not going to discorporate you now is he?” Anti said.

Author shrugged and didn’t say a word right up until Anti was about to pounce.

“Ahhhh! Dark!” Arthur shouted, making himself sound injured.

Dark immediately turned, aura already moving towards Author when he saw Anti.

“You son—” Anti managed before Dark actually attacked first.

Author laughed as the fight began to break out. As he watched the fight, Author felt better about the trek into the swamp.

“You degenerate cretin, I am trying to conduct actual business,” Dark switched forms. Her red aura taking over as Dark took her red soul’s form.

“I’m not done with you until I take your leg,” Anti said. “That’s what you get for taking Marvin from me.”

When Anti lunged for Dark again, she summoned her axe and used it to pin Anti down. Her expression became more serious. “I have nothing to do with a second-rate ghost hunter that lives across an entire sea.”

“He’s moving to Egoton because of you,” Anti said. “And you don’t get to have him.”

Dark used her aura to pin Anti down, placing her foot on his shoulder. She looked around before opening a portal to pull herself, Anti, and Author back into the Manor’s backyard.

“Arthur, go take a shower,” Dark told him.

“Come on,” Arthur said. “The fight was just getting good.”

Dark opened up a portal into his en-suite bathroom, “Go before I dump you directly into the tub like a seven-year-old.”

“Fine,” Arthur said and stomped through the portal like the broody teenager he was.

She closed up the portal and turned back to Anti. “If I let you talk, are you going to let us talk about this like adults?”

“Fuck off,” Anti said.

Dark’s foot dug into his shoulder. “I need information you have, if I don't get it, I will place you inside of one of my grandfather clocks in my personal office where Wilford likes to surprise me. And I will maintain this form to ensure your compliance. If you wanted to win fights you shouldn’t pick them with other people first before finding me.”

“Okay, fine!” Anti said and hesitantly Dark let him up. She made sure to personally pull her axe free.

“Fuck, what does Wilf see in you?” Anti massaged his shoulder as he was bleeding all over the back lawn right next to the croquet set.

“None of your business, why is Marvin coming and when?” Dark asked.

“Hell if I know, he is, as soon as his papers come in he’s taking the first flight over to your hellfire of a city and you don’t get to keep him.”

Dark’s free hand went into her hair. “You could have told me this instead of picking fights! I could have fought against this sooner. I don’t want your magician or any of your Septics in my town.”

“Yeah, cause they’re mine,” Anti said.

“And they can stay yours, is J.J coming with him?” Dark asked.

“No. Why? He’s mine.” Anti looked ready for a fight.

“Exactly, the only way he comes into my town is in a body bag. I want you to tell me what he’s planning and when he’s coming and Marvin is yours again.” Dark said as her axe disappeared.

“I don’t follow your orders,” Anti said.

“You’ll do it if you want to keep Marvin,” Dark said, and then she was gone.

Leaving Anti an angry, furious demon on her back lawn. Anti would take his sweet time getting Dark that info just to spite her. But he’d go pick another fight with Marvin just to try and soothe the rage in his soul.

[teacupcollector]

Rebel - Chapter 3

Main Masterlist Series Masterlist

Summary-  (Y/N) Is a Matt Murdocks 14 year old daughter who is just entering high school and is really struggling. She doesn't have a regular life having a blind father. He can't help with homework, Can't give her a have a ride to school, He can't see how often her face falls when she lies to him. Of course she has her Uncle Foggy and Aunt Karen but (Y/N) feels like to much of a burden until the one and only Frank Castle comes into her life and seems to be more of a father figure  then Matt ever has.

After the call with your friend Jenifer you began getting ready. You put on a short sleeved striped shirt with a cute (F/C) (F/A) on it then you put on some  skinny jeans with a matching color. You do your hair up in a messy bun then putting some flip flops and then finally topping it off with some of your favorite jewelry pieces that would look nice with the outfit. You grab your phone off from your bed then look at the full length mirror in your room looking yourself up and down and you may or may not have done a few poses.

"Hey dad!" you shout from your room as you walk out of your room while looking at your phone. "Yeah sweetpea?" he says "looking" up at you. "I'm going to head out now. We are meeting at our street corner then we might walk around a bit." You smile at him as you look only for it to turn into a frown. 'Of course he is working... He never takes breaks.' You think looking down at the computer along with the case files and the translating pad (I don't know what its called) from the computer to his fingertips. "Alright you be safe now okay? Call and update me on where you are and I promise we will go out to eat when you get back." He says as a smile graces his features. "Yeah see you then..." You says quietly as you walk over to the door. "1:30?" You ask. "1:30." He answers back with a firm tone, not to you but seemingly to himself to remember that he needs to be present at that time.

Walking down the stairs of the apartment building you were in you hum to yourself. 'I wonder if Abigail decided to hang out with us. It has been a while since all three of us hung out together.' You thought as your feet carried you to the corner street of where your meet up was scheduled. After a few minutes you hear your name being called. "(Y/N)!" You hear both Jenifer and Abigail  call in unison. You wave back and run up to them. "Hey guys! So what’s the plan stan?" You ask. "Well I was thinking we could walk around for a bit." Jenifer says. "Oh! and we can go to that alley way we found a few days ago. You know the ones with all the graffiti?" Abigail adds. "And oh my god I wonder if we will see that hot guy again!" Abigail starts bouncing up and down and grabs both Jenifer and your arm and starts speed walking. "Wasn't he high when we saw him? He has to be high with the type of art work he is making." Jenifer laughs. "Probably but who cares!" Abigail says. "I just want to look at the graffiti." You smile. "Yeah I guess... But if he is there its a big bonus!" Abigail says happily.

After about a 10 minute walk all three of you arrive at the entrance of the alley way which is in between a diner and a small thrift store. There is an array of colors like pink, blue, white, and many more. There is bubble letters that spelled words that you couldn't read. There was the occasional 'I LUV POT' or some peace signs. There was garbage all over the place and two huge green and rusty dumpsters at the end which was also covered in graffiti. Abigail sighs. "Darn he isn't here." She pouts. "Is that the only reason why you wanted to hang out with us?" Jenifer asks in a teasing tone. "N-no! I was just wondering..." Abigail says the pout still present on her lips. "Guys we are only 14 and 15 and we just got into high school. We shouldn't be focused  on guys anyway. Now lets look around! The first one to fine a pink shape wins!" You say running down the alley way.

The three of you spend about ten minutes each on finding shapes. All of you have known each other since diapers and this is one of the many games you guys play. "We are such losers for playing these games" Jenifer laughs. "We are the best losers then! No one can compare to us!" You shout then sigh. "Come on I want to go stare at the water and it might take us maybe 20 minutes to get there." You say. "Did any of you bring money? Maybe we can call a cab and make it there in minutes." Jenifer asks. Abigail pats her pockets down. "Nope I'm broke." She says chuckling nervously. "Same here I got nothing." You say shaking your head. "Come on I'm sure your lawyer of a dad has to give you some money! He's a lawyer!" Abigail says. "He is self employed and I don't need money really so I never ask." You shrug. "He already has you doing all the chores in the house pretty much, the least he can do is give you some money." Abigail grumbles. "Hey! I don't do all the chores and my father is a hard working man! If I can help him I will!" You say starting to get irritated. "Doesn't he leave you alone all the time though?" Jenifer asks. "Not all the time!" You let out a slight growl. "When did this become all about me all of the sudden! Can't we just get going!" You say raising your voice. "Alright fine! Jeez we are just worried about you (Y/N)." Jenifer reasons. 

"Well lets quit worrying and get going..." You mumble as you walk out of the alley way looking down at the ground only to bump into someone as hot coffee spills onto both of you. The man lets out a grunt and grumbles. "I-I am so sorry sir I didn't mean to spill your coffee!" You look up at the man who has a grey hoodie that is now wet and a dark brown spot that had formed then going up to his face that has an assortment of bruises that he was obviously trying to hide under his cap. "'s fine." He grumbles. "I am so-" You were cut off by Abigail who grabs your wrist and starts tugging on it "(Y/N) lets go! He seems sketchy!" She whispers harshly. "Don't say that! That could make him upset!" You hiss but when you look back he is gone. "Great he is gone! You probably hurt his feelings!" You say. "You need to quit being so naïve! Not every person you bump into on the street will be a nice guy! Listen to your gut feeling!" Abigail says her anger slowly rising. You respond with the same rising anger "My gut feeling said he isn't dangerous! My dad says I have good intuition and can tell if someone is bad or not! He didn't seem bad!" Jenifer intervenes "Okay hey! Calm down this is suppose to be fun... I think you guys need some time away from each other so lets just call it a day alright?" She says and both of you sigh and nod. "I need to change anyway..." You mumble looking down at your now soaked shirt. Jenifer nods. "Do you want us to walk you home?" She asks and you shake your head. "No I'm okay... See you later." you take a few steps backwards then turn on your heels and head back home.

[kimmyyang]

210503 My favorite moments & translations of the SHL concert including the warming up livestream

1. Zhao Jing calling fans adopted sons and daughters during the livestream and revealing that there will be a game where they hug each other, telling fans to look forward to it (he knows what we want to see haha).

2. Gong Jun arrived at the livestream first, but he still waited for Zhang Zhehan and told Zhang Zhehan to introduce himself first.

3. Zhang Zhehan saying he will talk less as he needs to take care of his throat for the actual concert, so Gong Jun talked mostly in the livestream (translation is here).

4. In the beginning of the concert, ZZH introduced himself: "I'm your Ah Xu." (T ^ T)

5. The MCs asked the casts to write down their top 1 iconic scene, some of them picked the scene where Gao Chong died. GJ & ZZH were having a discussion and the MCs were like "why do these two have to discuss their top 1 scene?" (yeah, you just need to write your own fave scene, it's not pair work LMAO) ZZH picked "you're not worthy" scene where they had to fight against Ye Bai Yi, and GJ picked the sun basking scene where they called each other 'Lao Wen', 'Ah Xu' 3 times. ZZH said: thanks to Gao dage's iconic scene, they got to rest haha.

6. Gao Chong, Zhao Jing & Shen Sheng sitting behind GJ & ZZH wrote "Lao Wen ♡ Lao Zhou" on their whiteboards, they were laughing so much while holding it up.

7. When they played the sun basking scene, the MCs asked GJ "you were pretty focused when watching the scene." GJ replied, "it reminded me of the time when we were filming, it felt so warm just like now, I'm being surrounded with love."

8. MCs said that ZZH added the part where calling Lao Wen's name 3 times. ZZH said: "yes I even asked GJ to call Ah Xu 3 times, I like the number 3 and calling the names 3 times shows 3 different emotions". When MCs asked them to reenact the scene, I heard CWN saying he wants to see it. (I hope I didn't mishear it lol and the MCs were smiling so much while watching them)

9. After ZZH finished singing Gu Meng (T ^ T), the fans were all screaming 'lao po'. XDDD

10. At the beginning of the game segment, when the rules came up on the screen. Fans were screaming loudly and ZZH said: "did you guys even read/ understand it to be screaming like that?" And one of the MCs said: "shouldn't that be Ye Bai Yi's job to diss people?" (The MCs definitely did a lot of prep before the concert haha XD and that is the hugging game Zhao Jing talked about in the livestream)

11. GJ & ZZH were laughing hehehehe when they found out they got the same number.

12. The MCs had to say a number, they have to find enough people to make that number. At one point Ye Bai Yi was with 3 actresses, and ZZH said: "Ye Bai Yi you're a guy and you're hugging 3 girls??? I didn't expect you to be like this." (AHAHAHAHA)

13. I missed out on what happened with CWN & GX, but it seems that they wanted to get eliminated together. (T ^ T)

14. So at the end, ZZH and Cheng Ling won the game and GJ was like: "the person who won the game will sing until tomorrow's concert." (LOL)

15. GJ said: "I feel like you guys planned it out to make me lose the game." (ZZH called 'Lao Wen' 3 times here ahhhh GJ kinda just gave up lol) "Am I right, didi?" Cheng Ling replied yes. ZZH asked GJ to dance as a punishment but GJ forced ZZH to dance and ZZH was like why do I have to do it when I won the game?? Then ZZH sang and GJ danced to 爱的恰恰 (so cute I cry) GJ couldn't do the dance properly, he explained: "I need to save my energy, I have to sing later."

16. When they were picking the winners for the prizes, GJ said: "it's so unfair to the bottom floor, they haven't won anything." ZZH then jokingly added: "the people on the bottom floor, they're super fast at getting the tickets and they're pretty rich too." (because the tickets are more expensive) GJ jokingly followed: "then let's pick someone from level 3, haha I actually did pick out level 3 (from the bag)."

17. Another game, the MCs asked them to say something fierce to the other team, GJ was facing his teammates and kept saying (I can't remember what he said) really loudly. And ZZH was like did you not understand (the instructions) why are you shouting at your teammates? (AHAHAHAHAHA come on I don't think he would say anything fierce to his lao po XD)

18. I can't remember what happened but Ye Bai Yi shouted: "卧槽 (fuck)" during the game segment. (really loudly!!! and I haven't heard any Chinese actors/ celebrities say that in public lmao)

19. GJ couldn't find all the nails on ZZH and asked: "where did you guys hide it?" Ye Bai Yi lifts up ZZH's clothes and said: "here". GJ said:" I can't reach there, they won't be able to broadcast it." (asdfghjklfuuuuu)

20. When they reenacted the "you're not worthy" scene and still bickering like 3-year-olds XDDD

21. When Cao Wei Ning & Ah Xiang were singing Yuan Mie, Ah Xiang got so emotional she cried and messed up, so Cao Wei Ning sang her lines and held her hand really tightly. (I CRIEDDDD)

22. Afterwards, ZZH & GJ walked out with Cheng Ling (then everyone came out too). GJ forgot to bring the red bracelets and ZZH was like "where are the red bracelets? Lao Wen did you give it to someone else?" (AHAHAHAHA)

23. When they had to put the red bracelets on each other's wrists, CWN's hands were shaking so much, you can literally feel how nervous he is through the screen. (sobs) CWN called Ah Xiang "Cao furen (my wife)" and GX called Cao dage "my husband". (T ^ T)

24. When Xi Sang Gui came into the centre, she said: "Ah Xing (WKX) when will it be your wedding?" GJ just smiled and side-eyed ZZH. XDD

25. GJ said that SHL means a lot to him, it's a special, irreplaceable drama to him. I think he also thanked ZZH. ZZH said: "thank you shanrens who're here and watching in front of the screen for giving us the chance to dream and made our dream come true. (no, thank YOU for bringing Ah Xu into our lives T ^ T)

26. Picking winners again and CWN was trying so hard to find the bottom/ centre area card. (so cute)

27. ZZH & GJ singing Tian Wen, ZZH got confused at the start and GJ helped him to get back into the right key, they both laughed and it was just so cuteeeee. And GJ said: "everyone together" which made ZZH laugh cuz you don't usually say that during a slow song lmao.

28. Liu Qianqiao presented 嗑 upside down which is phonetically “嗑到了/ kdl” and it means my ship (cp) is sailing.

Day 2

[destinationtoast]

Ted Lasso time codes for 1x01 (Pilot)

When I'm writing I'm frequently scrubbing through episodes trying to find when different things occurred so I can study character expressions or refresh my memory on details. So I started making lists of time codes of any time they were onscreen, for easier reference. Sharing in case they are useful to other writers, gifset makers, etc.

These are currently focused only on Roy, Jamie, and Keeley, but if others were interested in broadening these to include time codes for other characters -- and/or helping to do this for other episodes -- I could start a Google doc where other folks could collaborate. Or if this kind of resource already exists elsewhere, please clue me in! :)

Edit: I made a Google doc! Please feel free to help flesh out my notes! Right now I have detailed notes for the first two episodes and sparser notes for the rest.

1:00 Jamie playing during training

12:24 Roy & team watch Ted’s press conference

12:28 Jamie lifting weights by himself

12:31 Roy’s going to start punching dicks if he doesn’t hear silence

13:09 Roy responds to Ted’s statement that he’s never coached football at any level with squint to lowering head and raising eyebrows and saying “Jesus”

14:35 Roy responds to Trent’s “is this a fucking joke?” by closing his eyes

14:50 Roy – “nobody can understand you”

18:28 Roy out on the pitch during training – “Jesus, Mary, and fuckface Joseph! Eyes on the man you’re marking!”

18:35 Beard describes Roy Kent: “Team captain. Classic old-school box-to-box midfielder. Definitely lost a step.” Nate: “But you know he’s a legend. Won a Champions League with Chelsea, so…” Beard: “Eight years ago.”

19:15 Beard describes Jamie Tartt right after he takes an amazing shot (like a kitty spooked by a cucumber): “Top scorer on the team.” (Jamie, sitting on the pitch: “Fuck off.” slaps away Sam’s offered hand.) Nate: “He… He’s great. You know, at football.”

20:40 Jamie enters locker room, gives Ted an incredulous look

20:45 Roy enters locker room, gives Ted an angry look

20:57 Jamie putting on shirt

21:09 Keeley enters locker room: “Knock, knock! Is everyone in here decent?”

21:25 Jamie’s going to get waxed because he takes his shirt off whenever he scores a goal

21:38 Roy (shirtless) gloweringly watches Ted to see how he responds

21:41 Jamie fist bumps Ted on the way out

21:44 Jamie says “after you” to Keeley, not because he’s going to be a gentleman now, but because he’s going to watch her ass. She laughs and hits him. “Fuck off.” then sashays out with a “Watch it and weep”

21:54 Jamie turns back to point at the team as they cheer

22:05 Roy (shirtless) watches Ted leave after his speechus interruptus

22:55 Roy comes into the office.

23:10 Roy: “never thought it would end being coached by Ronald fucking McDonald”

24:03 Keeley walks in on Ted putting tape over her topless photo in Jamie’s locker

24:08 Keeley shouts “what you doing in there” in what might be an impression of Jamie? Or just a random footballer?

24:10 Keeley as Ted bumps his head, first worried and then amused, “Oh shit are you okay?” … “I shouldn’t laugh”

24:50 Keeley sees her picture with the tape over it

24:55 Keeley “helps” with the BELIEVE poster

25:05 Ted high fives Keeley, and she says “Old school!” then introduces herself. She says Ted is trending hard on Twitter right now.

25:26 Keeley never knows how to respond to a grown man beatboxing in front of her

25:40 Keeley tells Ted if he goes on Twitter to avoid #Richmond, wanker, and dick. Then she faux-curtseys to welcome him to England

[seagreen-meets-grey]

When Lightning Strikes Ch. 19

When your life is nothing but a cloudless sky, lightning can come and strike you so unexpectedly, you won’t even know what hit you.

Or: When Hiccup and Astrid meet, it is as if lightning strikes.

[Chapter 1] [Chapter 2] [Chapter 3] [Chapter 4] [Chapter 5] [Chapter 6] [Chapter 7] [Chapter 8] [Chapter 9] [Chapter 10] [Chapter 11] [Chapter 12] [Chapter 13] [Chapter 14] [Chapter 15] [Chapter 16] [Chapter 17] [Chapter 18] [Chapter 20]

Crossposted on ao3 and ff.net

_______________

Hiccup first brought it up on a sunny afternoon in mid-July, one year after that fateful rainy Sunday.

It was a Friday and Astrid’s parents had invited them over for a barbecue. They were both still at work, but Astrid and Hiccup were already at the house and had prepared the food. There was a green salad waiting in the kitchen, the meat was seasoned on a covered plate in the fridge, herb bread was ready to be gratinated in the oven and drinks were cooling in the minibar.

While rifling through the closet for napkins, Astrid had found an old bag of water balloons and, unbeknownst to Hiccup, had filled them in the sink before she’d attacked him in the garden. He’d just arranged the garden furniture and wiped the table with a damp cloth when something cold and wet had exploded all over his back, followed by the hearty laugh of his girlfriend.

“Hey, that’s not fair, I’m unarmed!”

She rolled a handful of balloons over the table and he had to be careful to catch all of them before they fell to the ground and burst all over his feet. He made a show of fumbling with his ammo, catching her off-guard when he suddenly hurled one right at her. It exploded on her chest and while she was momentarily distracted, he escaped from her immediate attack zone.

In no time, they were out of ammunition, with large water stains all over their clothes. Balloon shreds were scattered all over the lawn, some had hit the house wall and there was a wet imprint of a water explosion on one of the living room windows.

But Astrid was in no way done with their water fight, despite her dripping hair and wet left butt cheek. From the garage, she produced two dusty Nerf Blasters, and the battle carried on. The chairs and table were converted into shields and hiding spots, the water faucet was a safe zone to fill up on ammo, and the hammock was off-limits.

After Hiccup accidentally shot a blast in her face, she dropped her gun and wiped at her eyes. He rushed over. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, are you okay?”

As soon as he was right in front of her, she made a grab for his Blaster, picked up her own in lightning speed, and pointed both of them at him. “Gotcha. I win.”

“Oh, you!” He tackled her and when they stumbled a few steps backwards, he steered them right into the hammock. Swinging back and forth from the momentum, he pinned her down and started tickling her sides. She writhed underneath him, tried to kick him, but it wasn’t that easy in a hammock. Tears from laughter were gathering in her eyes until, finally, she managed to free a hand and attempted to push him out of the hammock. “Okay, okay,” he relented and rolled off of her.

A light breeze was rustling through the leaves of the apple and plum trees above. Catching their breaths, they made themselves comfortable, gazing at the bright blue sky through a sea of green. The breeze was brushing through their wet clothes, providing a nice change to the summer heat.

He moved his head to the side, watching the game of cat and mouse that sunlight and shade were playing on her face. When the hammock came to a stop, she stuck one leg out to lightly kick at the ground. “Hey,” he said, voice barely above a whisper.

“Hm?”

“Do you ever want to get married again?” Her eyes widened slightly as she looked back at him. “Just a general question,” he quickly added. “I’m- I’m not proposing.”

“Yeah, I know. I just…” She wrinkled her forehead, focusing back on the ceiling of leaves. “I’m not sure. I once thought getting married was the right idea and now I’m divorced.” She glanced back at him. “I’m not saying things aren’t different this time. But I don’t know if I want to go through that again.”

For a while, he was quiet, fiddling with a loose thread on her top. He understood what she meant. Maybe it had been a bit too early to ask, anyway, even as a general question. It had only been a little over a year. That didn’t mean his stomach didn’t make a traitorous drop, though.

“That’s okay.” He reached out and played with a strand of her hair, twirling it between his fingers. “As long as I get to be with you, labels don’t matter, anyway.”

“Good.” She kissed him. “Because that’s all I need.” Then she produced a water balloon out of nowhere, probably a stray one that had rolled off earlier, and held it in a threatening way over his head. “Get merked, Hiccup!” He had just enough time to jump out of the hammock before the bomb hit and doused him. The game was back on.

Not much later, a car pulled into the driveway and soon enough, Frederick Hofferson stepped onto the patio. Astrid immediately hid behind him, using him as a human shield. Hiccup just about managed to hold back his throw. The last thing he wanted to do was shoot his girlfriend’s father with a large water gun. Especially since he felt like the man was still not quite used to him, still regarding him as the guy that ended her daughter’s marriage.

“I’m not a part of this!” Frederick shouted and ducked out of the way. While Hiccup was still mindful of the splash area of his projectiles, Astrid had no such reservations. She took her Nerf Blaster apart, dashed over and emptied the small water tank over his head. It seemed the winner was obvious this time, but he would get his revenge soon enough.

The warm weather had dried most of his clothes by the time the first steaks were ready. Frederick offered him to trade places so Hiccup could take over with the meat, but he declined. It was obvious the man was in his element. Astrid leaned over and whispered, “I think he’s trying to bond with you. He’s looking for shared interests.”

“Really?” he whispered back. “That’s great, but I’m really not interested in barbecuing techniques.”

She shrugged. “Then find something else to talk about. He’s finally making an effort. We shouldn’t let that go to waste.”

Hiccup nodded and wracked his brain for a topic to strike up a conversation with Frederick about. He’d never really been alone with the man so far, there had always been at least one other person present to save them from any awkward interactions.

He was so lost in thought, he almost didn’t catch Wilma’s announcement about the party. She and her husband would soon have their 25th wedding anniversary and wanted to celebrate it with family and friends. Hiccup was naturally invited but, after a quick check with Astrid, so was Eret. After all those years he’d been considered part of the Hofferson family, and considering he and Astrid were still on such good terms, Astrid’s parents wanted him to be there with them.

Astrid sent him a sidelong glance, asking with her eyes if he was okay with that. He sent back an answer of, Do I have a choice here?

I can talk to him and ask him not to come, she offered.

He shook his head. No, that’s stupid. We’re adults. I’m okay with him coming. He’s family.

Well, she raised her brows, if you’re sure…

“…no, I don’t think she’s listening. Astrid!”

She looked up. “Sorry, what?”

Frederick chuckled. “Your mother just asked you whether you could help her carry the dishes into the kitchen.”

“Oh, sure, yeah. Of course.” She got up and started collecting the plates, sending Hiccup a conspiratorial smile before she followed her mother into the house. That left him at the table with Frederick.

For several minutes, they busied themselves with their beers and the last pieces of bread still on the table. From inside the house, voices and the clattering of dishes carried over, not quite loudly enough to provide sufficient white noise and deeming a conversation between the two men necessary to drown out the awkwardness settling over them like heavy snow.

Whatever you do, Hiccup firmly told himself, just don’t talk about the weather. Really, anything but that. Or sex. Especially with his daughter. He gulped down the rest of his beer, looking anywhere but at Frederick, infinitely glad that mind-reading wasn’t a thing.

His fingers drummed on the legs of his chair and he couldn’t sit still, shifting around, accidentally bumping his knee against the underside of the table, grimacing through the pain. He was just about to jump up and flee into the house when Frederick spoke.

“So,” he started, leaning forward a little, “I’ve always meant to ask…”

Please don’t be an embarrassing question, Hiccup mentally prayed. “Yes?”

“What exactly is it that you do at your job?” Oh, thank god. Hiccup exhaled. “Astrid mentioned it a couple times, but I never really caught it.”

“Ah, well, I illustrate uh, books?” Why had that come out as a question? “Yeah, um… Mostly covers and artwork for fantasy novels, and I’ve done some children’s books… Uh. Do you like to read?”

“The newspaper.”

“Oh. Yeah, I don’t do that. Illustrate that, I mean. I do read it, though!” Please come back, he mentally cried, hoping Astrid would pick up the brain waves. The other man just nodded and another silence engulfed the table. Hiccup continued drumming on the chair. When Astrid had met his parents, she’d immediately gotten along with them, especially with his dad. Why couldn’t he do the same with hers?

“I’m not very artistic myself,” Frederick continued in an attempt to keep the conversation going. He really was trying.

“You’re a construction engineer, right?”

“Exactly.”

“Don’t you need a certain level of artistic ability for that, too? Designing constructions is still designing, after all.”

Frederick shrugged. “Sure, I can think up construction plans and put them neatly on paper, but I could never draw, say, a dragon. I just don’t have the imagination or patience or creativity.”

“I’d argue you are creative. Where else would you get ideas for constructions from?”

“Well, if you put it like that… Maybe you’re right.”

Hiccup felt a surge of confidence. They were having a conversation and Frederick was agreeing with him. “When I was little, I always wanted to become an engineer. I had a whole room full of Lego Technic stuff and I would spend entire days building, taking apart, and rebuilding all kinds of machines.”

Frederick raised his head in interest. “What changed your mind?”

“Nothing, actually.” He scratched his neck. “There was this engineering school I wanted to go to, but they were full the year I wanted to start. And instead of applying somewhere else, I took their offer to start the next year. In the meantime, I enrolled in a number of illustration courses and liked it so much that I stayed.”

“Do you ever regret it?”

“No, I don’t.” He didn’t even have to think about it. “I love my job. And, well… Through a chain of events it’s what’s led me here.” Frederick gave him a quizzical look. “I mean, uh, my friend and colleague Fishlegs, he… Um, long story short, he introduced me to my ex-girlfriend. And she has a brother who has this best friend and… Ah, you see, this best friend had a fiancée…”

An understanding light went on behind Frederick’s eyes. Nervously, Hiccup waited for the reaction that told him the other man wasn’t very amused by the story, taking into account that he’d probably exchange Hiccup for Eret on the spot if he could…

What he hadn’t expected was for the man to burst out laughing.

“Well, in that case, the engineering school not taking you gave me a second son-in-law.”

“Oh, ah…” Hiccup felt his face heat up at the term. He felt a ramble bubbling up in his chest, about how he’d only barely discussed that with Astrid and how she wasn’t even sure she wanted–

“Don’t worry, I’m just teasing you, son.” With a chuckle, Frederick leaned back in his chair and Hiccup exhaled. “So tell me, what machines exactly did you build as a kid?”

Once he started talking about his Lego inventions from his childhood, Hiccup lost track of time. An indefinite time later, Astrid and Wilma returned to the table, finding the two men deep in conversation. Wide smile on her face, Astrid gave him a kiss on the cheek and shared a pleased look with her mother. At the end of the day, he had to promise Frederick to continue their conversation the next time they saw each other.

Maybe he wasn’t yet an Eret when it came to being an integral part of the family, but he was getting there.

_______________

On the night of the Hofferson’s anniversary party, Hiccup found himself surrounded by several of Astrid’s great-aunts, great-uncles, grandparents, and various other older folk somehow related to or friends with the family.

He’d actually just wanted to take a break from socializing and had retreated to one of the tables in the corner while the party continued on the dancefloor and at the bar. Astrid’s cousins were doing shots, but he’d just so managed to escape. Her uncle had claimed dance after dance with her. Wilma and Frederick were moving from group to group, having a drink here and a conversation there, dancing with friends and family in-between. And Eret stood with the cousins as if he was one of them.

It had been quite a tad awkward when great-aunt Phyllis had walked past the two of them earlier, cheeks red from brandy, and said with a cheeky wink: “Let’s hope she sticks with this one.” Once she had moved on, Hiccup wanted to sink into the ground and Eret was guffawing.

Now, Phyllis was sitting opposite him, another Cognac in front of her, giggling with the group about something he’d said. He’d discovered he had a knack for entertaining the older generation of his girlfriend’s family. They questioned him about every single detail of his life, his family, and their favorite topic, the story of how he and Astrid fell in love. Even after hearing it for the third time that night, they still aw-ed and ah-ed, hanging onto his every word.

“Then what happened with Eret?”

“Larry, he’s right there,” great-uncle Greg groaned and pointed at the tall man downing tequila with cousin Beth.

“But I don’t know the details, old fart!”

“Who are you calling old?! I’m younger than you.”

Grandma Rosie, 93 years of age, lifted her walking stick and threatened to whack them both over the head if they didn’t stop bickering. The men let their squabbling go and grinned as the rest of the group watched, amused, as Rosie’s façade crumbled, revealing the humor in her eyes. Eleven wrinkly faces returned their attention to Hiccup, expectant and curious, some a little wary. They hadn’t heard this part of the story yet and they had caught on to Eret’s change of lifestyle.

Hiccup hesitated. This wasn’t his story to tell anymore. And part of his audience was quite conservative, already scrunching up their noses. Then again, Eret had come here with an official male date. He wasn’t hiding anything. And to their credit, even the most conservative person in this hall had been nothing but supportive towards Astrid’s life choices so far, first a divorce not even two years into her marriage, then bringing both her current and her ex-partner to a family event.

Also her supposed choice of having kids out of wedlock, but since she was currently drinking a glass of wine on the other side of the hall, Hiccup expected that particular rumor to dissolve during the night. Not that it hadn’t given him a minor heart attack, though, when he’d first been asked about it by great-uncle Charles. Hiccup had told her that dress looked a little baggy when she was sitting down, no matter how gorgeous she looked.

“Well,” he started, searching for the right words, “Eret’s date went great. But after a few weeks with Tim, the spark faded.”

“And then he was with that girl from the bakery, right?” Susan, one of the Hofferson’s neighbors, chimed in, leaning forward and lowering her volume just a bit, as if she was passing on a secret. “I saw them together a few times.” Astrid had warned him about Susan. That woman was probably the worst gossiper in all of Berk. That’s why he’d made sure she was the first to hear that Astrid was, in fact, not pregnant.

“Yeah,” he confirmed, “he dated Christina for a short while.” He didn’t specify that this short while had only been three consecutive weekends on which they had hooked up. He also deliberately left out the part where Eret had tried to figure out the exact nature of his sexual orientation, having short flings with several women and men. “But then he found love in unexpected places and that’s been going strong for several months now. And counting.” Finally, he might add. He and Astrid had had quite the bet riding on that one. She still owed him several, well, favors.

“Aww,” cooed the group. No comments or expressions of disgust regarding the homosexual nature of Eret’s relationship. If they didn’t like it, they were keeping that to themselves. These people were here for love, no matter the manifestation. And as a bonus, they liked him. Astrid’s entire family, from first cousins to the great-aunt’s third husband, had welcomed him with open arms. Some more wary at first, some with a sassy comment, but warm and openly, nonetheless. He started to feel like he belonged.

“So Hiccup, tell me,” Susan shuffled her chair a little closer to his, expectant look in her eyes, and asked the question he’d feared would come up eventually. “When are you and Astrid getting married?”

“Ah… Um, I- I–”

“Susan, come on,” Rosie chided the nosy woman with a sharp glare that Astrid had obviously inherited from her, “it’s only been a year. This generation is different from yours or mine. Kids these days don’t want to settle down first chance they get. Let them live life!”

Susan pouted, but she listened to Rosie and dropped the topic. Hiccup smiled gratefully at the old lady, even though the truth was a little more complicated than what she’d said.

With a little wink in his direction, she added, “We old folk don’t need to understand everything the youths are up to. Our time is over. Now we just do our job keeping them humble by telling them horror stories about wars and an age before the facebooks and twittle existed.” She raised her glass of white wine spritzer at Hiccup. “Right, my boy?”

Suppressing a laugh, he mimicked the motion with his empty beer bottle. Individual discussions broke out among the table, varying from rants about kids these days to how old Florence had recently bought a 4k TV set. Susan continued to do her best contributing her share of gossip.

Hiccup was just considering leaving the table to it when he felt it. It was subtle, a twitch of his heart, a prickling in his neck, before not a moment later two arms wrapped around his shoulders from behind.

“What are you kids up to over here?” she asked, her lively voice right next to his ear coating his chest in honey. He didn’t register the following conversation, only felt the vibrations of her laughter, distracted by the warmth of her arms around him, her perfume, her general proximity. Despite being used to it by now, the rush of the feeling still turned his insides into an out-of-control carnival ride.

She shifted behind him, bringing her face closer, and whispered in his ear. “Want me to save you?”

There was no need, he was sure he could just leave the table on his own, but he would never turn down the offer to be saved by Astrid Hofferson, who he was sure was descendant from literal Valkyries… He was getting distracted again. “Yes, please,” he whispered back.

She took his hand and pulled him out of the chair. “Come on, let’s get a drink.” They waved goodbye to the table of elders and made their way over to the bar. Immediately, one of her cousins asked him what he wanted to drink, handing him a glass of rum and coke, and in no time, he found himself included in the conversation. And not just because he was Astrid’s boyfriend. He saw it in their eyes, felt it in his gut. He was part of the family.

At some point a little later in the night, the music switched to hits from the 90s and 2000s, and most people left the bar to dance. Hiccup used the opportunity for a minute to breathe, now alone at the bar except for Astrid and two of her cousins. Olive and June were busy with whatever endless row of texts June was receiving, and Astrid had leaned her head on his shoulder, watching the mob on the dancefloor. He slid an arm around her.

“Look at Hank,” she said and pointed at the crowd. A middle-aged man, her dad’s best friend Hank, was raving in the middle of the dancefloor, completely lost in the beat. His shirt had come out of his pants and there was a large beer stain on his chest. People around him were cheering as the usually so composed office worker was letting loose in their midst.

Hiccup spotted a shock of fiery red hair dancing its way over to him and grinned. “Looks like he found a friend.” Astrid chuckled as they watched Dagur join Hank with his ridiculous dance moves, and the two men took over the entire floor. “I’ve never seen anyone so passionate about the Crazy Frog.”

“I have. Dagur and Eret, at a college party.” She grinned and joked, “I really should have seen this coming when Eret ditched me half the night to dance with Dagur.”

Scanning the crowd for Eret, Hiccup found him talking to the DJ. He’d never forget the day Astrid and he had been over at the man’s place for brunch when all of a sudden, the door to Eret’s bedroom had opened and a yawning Dagur, clad in only boxers and a loose bathrobe, had strolled out, disappearing down the hall into the bathroom.

Eret had cleared his throat. “Yeah, so, when I said I had news, that’s what I wanted to tell you.” However he’d thought Hiccup and Astrid to react, he probably hadn’t expected them to instantly start haggling over winnings and unwritten betting conditions. By the time Dagur had joined them at the table, Astrid had admitted defeat and settled for an I told you so-face directed at everyone.

They really made an odd group, even more so with Heather thrown into the mix. Astrid always got a kick out of explaining to other people how they all met, watching them try to figure out the specific relations and histories between all individuals involved. Hiccup had to admit, it was kind of funny.

The song ended, fading over into a beat he loved to hate, or hated to love, accompanied by a honking sound and a distinct 90s beat. Next to him, Astrid bobbed her head from side to side to the music, and the next moment, Eret’s outstretched hand appeared in front of him.

“Hofferson, this is our song!”

Astrid thrust her drink into Hiccup’s hands. “Hold this for me, babe!” Then she pulled Eret onto the dancefloor, instantly falling into a series of dance moves clearly coordinated with Eret’s. Hiccup blinked a couple of times at the sight.

A snort next to him shook him out of his stare. It was Frederick, ordering a tray of drinks. “Whoever has an elaborate choreography to the Vengabus song figured out, deserves to be best friends. Don’t you think?”

Hiccup smirked. “Oh, sure.”

Frederick saw his expression and mirrored it. “You’re not going to let her forget this, are you?”

“Nope.” He took in every little aspect of the show. Oh, she would never hear the end of this. In perfect sync, she and Eret dragged peace signs in front of their eyes, swung their arms around, twirled, and did something vaguely resembling the chicken dance. This even blew Ross and Monica’s Routine from Friends out of the water.

“You can still run and never come back,” Frederick suggested.

“Are you kidding me?” Hiccup laughed. “Why would I ever leave a girl like her?”

“Good answer.” Frederick boxed his shoulder, then took the tray over to the table of elders. The friendly violence seemed to run in the family.

When the song ended and another took its place, Dagur wedged himself between Astrid and Eret, claiming his new dance partner. Shaking her head with a humorous eye-roll, she walked back over to Hiccup and took her glass back. Upon his grin, she asked, “What?”

“Oh, nothing.” His grin didn’t fade. “That was… Beautiful. Graceful. I- I don’t have the words.”

“Shut up, you’re just jealous.”

He wrapped both arms around her, mindful of the drink in her hand, and kissed her temple. “Yeah, totally. I wish I had moves like that.”

“Yes, you wish.” She was grinning now, too, turning her head to give him a kiss, and then another one. He would be crazy if he ever even considered leaving her.

A few songs later, the beat slowed to a Cranberries song. Astrid put her glass away and tugged at his hand. “Your turn.” She didn’t pull him onto the dancefloor, just stepped a few feet away from the bar, put one hand on his back and laid the other in his. Together, they danced on the spot, her face resting in the crook of his neck.

After a while, he mumbled into her hair, “Susan brought up the question.”

She didn’t need to ask what he meant. “What did you tell her?”

“I didn’t. Before I could say anything, granny Rosie came to my rescue. She said something about generational differences and Susan shut up. We should steer clear of her, though, I don’t think she was satisfied with that answer.”

She huffed. “I can handle Susan.” He knew she could. He just didn’t want to face that question again without feeling the need to explain Astrid’s decision to not get married again; it was none of Susan’s business. If Astrid changed her mind, though, he wouldn’t waste any time. Even if they were in the pharmacy aisle of a rundown big box store, surrounded by diarrhea medicine, and Snotlout was the officiator. Although, come to think of it, he might be able to make himself wait until they’d moved to at least the garden center.

As if she’d read his mind, Astrid lifted her head and looked up. “You want to get married, don’t you?”

He didn’t answer straightaway. “I know you don’t and that’s okay. I want to share a life with you, be by your side, as your partner in everything, no matter what a document says or what last name I have.”

She chuckled. “Oh, so you’d take my name?”

“Sure! Hiccup Astrid Haddock, that has a certain ring to it, doesn’t it?”

She groaned good-naturedly. “You’re ridiculous.” After a short pause, she continued, “You know what? If I ever end up changing my mind, I’ll take yours.”

“Wait, really? What about your family pride?”

“Oh, I’ll make sure my kids know their roots.”

His lips stretched into a smile. “Your kids, huh?”

Hiding a blush, she buried her face in his shoulder. “You know whose kids.” Her voice came out muffled and was nearly drowned out by the next song, louder and faster than the last, but he’d heard her.

“Okay. Deal.”

[codedredalert]

atop the wall, wisdom cries out [One Piece, Robin] -- oneshot

Robin-centric character study || 1052 words

She has the split-second to wonder if all great turning points in history are like this—destiny at the mercy of a momentous decision—

(Written for the OP Tarot Project High Priestess and Eight of Wands cards.)

High Priestess Upright: Intuition, insight, sacred knowledge, things yet to be revealed, reflection. Reversed: Secrets, information withheld, disharmony.

Eight of Wands Upright: Movement, action, alignment, abrupt changes, quick decisions. Reversed: Delays, frustration, resisting change, internal alignment.

Explanations of references in the end notes.

Warnings: canon-typical violence

(On Ao3)

===/\===

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             (1) Lesson: A cup of water is not yours until you drink it. Likewise, knowledge.

All scholars of Ohara memorise via the method of loci, and Nico Robin, at eight years old, is no exception. Her favourite is a temple hewn from stone, a wise king's magna opus as reconstructed from academic blueprints. There, she stores the lessons she learns: a kind elderly lady still calls for the marines in the night after she's fed you; a knife in the hands of a frightened child can still slit a soldier's throat; a powerful man is still not quite immune to the intrigue of a beautiful woman.

She drinks deeply from the cup of knowledge and suffering, and two pillars form in the forefront of the temple. The first is who she has always been—the pursuit of good things, knowledge for knowledge's sake, building up, preserving, and leaving a legacy for all humanity. The other is who she discovered she was when the world government placed a bounty on her head—an immovable strength, manifesting in guile, bloodshed, and conquest.

Her surprise is only at how readily she accepts these as her foundation—the twin load-bearing columns of the woman she now is.  

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===/\===

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             (2) Aphorism: Scientia potestas est. (Translation: Knowledge is power.)

"Read it," demands Crocodile. Then he raises a hand to call her to pause and adds, almost smugly, "Out loud."

He thinks he's clever. Robin smiles. He's not stupid, but Robin is really,  really clever.

She hadn't intended deception when she'd first sought out the most comprehensive history of Alabasta. (Three archaic hand-scribed manuscripts and a yellowed but hardly-used guide. It was technically restricted access, though that hardly mattered in the face of Robin's devil fruit.) She had merely wanted to know—the first pillar of Nico Robin.

She recites this knowledge from memory, trailing her fingers along the runes of the poneglyph before her, retrieving the words  verbatim as she walks through the temple rooms in her mind. She fully expects Crocodile to interrupt her, to point to one word or the other and demand its meaning. She already has the textbook explanation on why translation is an imperfect art on the tip of her tongue. She doesn't get that far.

He's never been a patient man, especially when it comes to failure.

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             (3) Quote: Death never takes a wise man by surprise; he is always ready to go.

He deals her a mortal wound and leaves her to bleed out in the collapsing tomb of this country's kings. The age-old stone crumbles and groans, weary and slow to return to dust. She closes her eyes and waits.

It's surprisingly peaceful.

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             (4) Comment: As implied ibid, "life is full of surprises".               (5) Fallacy: Appeal to pity.

Straw Hat Luffy saves her and she demands 'why' but receives no answer. As she dusts herself off, she decides a fitting consequence for his unwelcome charity. She invites herself to his crew.

A strange group—they actually accept her, welcome her into their lives and their home despite being enemies three days before.

Over time, she learns that if she drops into a light doze below deck beside Nami, the next morning will come with warmth, the smell of breakfast wafting in from the adjoining kitchen, and that strange, unconditional acceptance.

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             (6) Study: Repeated exposure to similar situations without negative stimuli result in dissociation of situation and stimuli.

.

. . . and she is . . . happy?

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             (7) Supra (4).

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===/\===

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             (8) Truism: Nothing lasts forever.              (9) Quote: Only a fool can be happy.

The government finds her, as they have many times before. This time, however, she can't bring herself to offer these people as sacrifice in her place. She tries desperately to think of an alternative to the offer laid before.

She becomes the illusion of stillness, there is no stillness in her. Her mind is structure and movement all at once—the earth in revolution beneath the temple's foundation stone. Her mind moves as the celestial bodies, a million miles a minute, yet imperceptible. She is perfectly grounded as the centrifugal force tears her apart.

A lifetime ago, she was taught to smile when she wants to cry, so she smiles now. A mind built by the wisest men in history and it yields no solutions, so what use is it? What use is she? She's only good for secrets, sabotage, and smiles like sweet poison.

Even the greatest temple cannot stand forever.

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             (10) Quote: The only way to have a friend is to be one. Nb. This implies friends are worth having. Comment: The author agrees.               (11) Quote: There is nothing worth living for, unless it is worth dying for.               (12) (Non-)issue: Hobson's choice.               (13) Principle: Occam's razor.

 .

She takes the offer.

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===/\===

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             (14) Policy: No man left behind.

The friends she tried to save came for her. They stand in proud defiance of the authorities that have wronged her all her life, figures of would-be legend backlit by the sun, their shadows stark and black, bridging the deep chasm she stands on the other side of, alone.

It borders on the absurd. They shouldn't have, it makes no logical sense. And yet, there they stand.

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             (15) Quote: When we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves.

She fails to understand and finds that for once, she does not need to know. Equally illogical hope wells up in her. (The temple is shored up, its glory to be restored. Not yet, but in the future promised.)  

"Say you wanna live," shouts Luffy, and he waits for her answer, as if he has all the time in the world. As if time itself will yield to his force of will.

It almost does. The mad rush of adrenaline blocks all noise except the rush of blood in her veins, her captain's voice ringing in her ears. She has the split-second to wonder if all great turning points in history are like this, destiny at the mercy of a momentous decision, all the world in bated breath.

She doesn't stop to wonder if she dares. The second pillar of her identity commands her to be bold.

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             (16) Proverb: Fortune favours the bold.

"I want to live," she cries across the divide—

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                                   —and—

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             (17) Supra (4).

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                                               —she is saved.

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===/ENDNOTES\===

 At the risk of these notes being longer than the actual fic (I got too hyped by the thought of pseudo-academic formatting and used way too many probably-obscure references), here's helpful notes so you don't have to ask google:

 the method of loci— (loci being Latin for "places")— is a strategy of memory enhancement which uses visualisations of familiar spatial environments in order to enhance the recall of information. The method of loci is also known as the memory journey, memory palace, or mind palace technique.

 magna opus— Latin for "great work", especially the greatest achievement of an artist or writer.

 aphorism— an observation which contains a general truth/ a concise statement of a scientific principle, typically by a classical author.

 ibid— a citation signal to refer to a single work cited in the note immediately preceding. The abbreviation of ibidem, being Latin for "in the same place".

 supra—  a citation signal used to refer to an earlier-cited authority. Supra is Latin for "above".

 truism— a statement that is obviously true and says nothing new or interesting.

 nb— a citation signal to draw the reader's attention to a certain aspect or detail of the subject being discussed. The abbreviation of nota bene, which is Latin for "note well".

 Hobson's choice—  A forced or false choice. It is believed that the phrase derives from Thomas Hobson (1545–1631) who ran a horse rental business in England. He rented out horses but insisted that customers took the horse nearest the stable door. The choice his customers were given was "this or none"; making it effectively Hobson's choice of horse. — (source)

 Occam's razor— Occam's razor (or Ockham's razor) is a principle from philosophy that the simplest solution is usually the best one.

===/END\===

(On Ao3) ( patreon ) ( kofi ) ( paypal )

[misteravid]

Lola Batik was my lovely senior doggo. She had velvet skin, a cold nose &  a habit of hiding in pillows. These were drawings I made during our last days together to help me process everything.

-------------- 2021

Writing this down to get it out of my head hopefully, so I won’t keep swimming in these thoughts. The past year I had constantly been adjusting to Batik. When I adopted her, she was a senior already. I wanted to make her last years better. She’s around 14/15, no one really knows how old she is exactly as she had been passed around different households. She was with me for nearly 6 years & was an Iron Lady Lola through most of it. Ready to fight any dog larger than her. It was only during the pandemic when she aged & weakened so rapidly. When she started having a hard time walking we kept finding ways. First a push cart, then a back brace, then a makeshift walker to keep her up, then a proper walker with wheels, until finally it was just yoga mats on the floor to cushion her falls. Today is Tuesday & it was the first time I got a whole night’s sleep in months. I’ve gotten used to waking up between midnight & dawn several times to attend to Lola Batik who would cry in distress because she can't stand up to pee or poop. If I’m lucky I catch her on time but there were too many nights when there was a mess to clean up. My patience would vary & there are times I would take out my frustrations on her. I guess that's why I held on for so long, as penance for the times that I’d harshly push her away from falling into her pee or stepping on her poop. At one point though I made a promise that I will never hurt her again. “I’m here” I say when I attend to her “I’m always here”. Last Saturday morning I had a very bad meltdown. I was severely sleep deprived & she was just crying & crying & none of the usual things I do would pacify her. She made one mess after another. I kept shouting at her & was already imagining violent means to just end everything. I called Paulle for help because I was afraid of what I’ll do to her or myself. I’ve never felt that way. Just over a month ago she beat the dreaded ehrlichia for the third time in her life. Platelets were normal but her body was old & weak. She was not really in pain because she would stop crying as soon as I attended to her, our vet verified that. I told myself as long as she had her appetite we would still go on. I thought that it wasn’t fair to end her life because of how inconvenient it was for me. I thought I just needed to keep on adjusting & learn to control my temper. It wasn’t like I was subjecting her to chemo or any painful treatments. But Paulle made the case that I shouldn’t wait for things to get worse. That pain is a certainty sooner rather than later. Lola Batik couldn’t see anymore, can barely walk & always falls down. If she could talk, what would she say? Would she want all this? She looked horrible as well. Any pet owner/parent/friend would always pride themselves on how healthy their doggos looked. Her immune system would no longer heal her skin after it got mange as a side effect from steroids when we fought off a lung infection. Weekly oil treatments kept it managable for many months until she started looking like a zombie. I felt silly/bad that she looked so poor & neglected instead of the matron who has a personal servant. So after talking & crying (& crying some more) with Paulle, we decided to go to the vet & ask about putting Lola Batik to sleep. Part of me was still hoping that our vet would say otherwise but she said she was actually surprised that I managed to wait this long. She said she’ll need to prepare herself as well & give us time to think when we want it done. We initially set it to next Saturday, one last week with her. Infini-tears, I did not know we could cry this much. That Saturday night I did not administer her maintenance meds anymore. What for? But it felt so odd breaking our well established routine. When we woke up Sunday morning, we were back on the meds & nebulization sessions. I figured I’ll do everything as normal this final week. But my heart felt like an obese elephant. I didn’t think I could do this for more days. So I went to the vet & scheduled Monday morning. I paid for the procedure so we’d have one less thing to attend to. Cry. Cry. Cry. Sidenote: Do not bike while crying, obvious hazards.  There was a bit of relief knowing I did not have to carry the feeling for a whole week. I decided I’d take Lola Batik for one last walk around our old route in the village. I carried her since she can’t walk & she never got used to the wheel walker I bought. Since she can’t see I just talked to her & described where we were. I told her about the building in the distance that was my first adult home. The new houses that had popped up. I reminded her where the burrito place was. When we got home I gave Lola Batik Ministop Fried Chicken & she gobbled it up. I doubted the decision again. No turning back now, I already paid. But it’s not like it’s binding & surely I’m not the first one to back out of such a procedure. More doubts, more regrets, more tears. I told my family about it & asked our Antipolo house to dig her a grave. Next to where Momo was buried. Krik & Michelle came to visit. Larry competed for attention. As midnight came I set up waterproof linings on the couch so I could sleep next to her. She used to sleep next to me from time to time. I used to put her between pillows & call it a Batik Sandwich. When she got weak & incontinent she no longer went up to my bed. That night as I lay next to her I could easily feel her twitch when she needed to be assisted. Maybe I would not have been so tired all this time if I had thought of this earlier. This was better than being woken up by a sharp cry. Too late now genius. I didn’t really sleep, as tired as I was, how could I? I just counted down the hours as silly movies played on TV. I drew to pass the time. I kept telling her I loved her.  Monday morning came. I was nervous about being late for our appointment & I kept checking on Paulle if she was on her way. Krik & Michelle met us outside the vet & they said their goodbyes. Tears for all. I brought Batik’s bed & blanket because I knew that it was cold inside & she hates the cold. I told Batik to say hello to Momo, Akiba, Mama, to Paulle’s Dad, to Silong, to Supremo to everyone on the other side. Doc explained the procedure but we misunderstood. When they asked us to step out, I thought we would still get to see her sleeping before they plug in the heart stopping serum. We withheld saying the last goodbye. I thought I’d get to hold her as she fell asleep THEN step out because they did not want us seeing the possible involuntary spasms. They called us in & she was gone. I was shocked & we cried & carried her body to the car. “HINDI KO NAINTINDIHAN!” I bawled to Paulle, I didn’t get to say goodbye. But I guess it’s all the same anyway. This whole year has been one very long Goodbye. We drove up to my father’s house in Antipolo. He was under the weather & still asleep so he did not come out to see us. But Kuya Blady’s, his kind assistant, had prepared everything. He even made a makeshift shed because he was afraid it would still be raining hard when we arrived. He tried hard not to cry & helped me lower her body down. We cushioned her body between banana leaves, one last Batik Sandwich, then planted the guyabano tree. And that was that. I am still floating. I have much to put away. My whole house has been reconfigured to her needs. I have stocks of medication to give away, mats & blankets to clean. I finally unplugged the blow dry & nebulizer. The two most used appliances, alway ready to go. Just preparing food for Larry brings me to tears, what was for two is now just for one. This will take a while. I miss you & love you so much Lola Batik. Thank you for being the bestest Lola Dog in the whole wide universe </3

[evabellasworld]

Storm of the Republic

Chapter 25

AO3 Link | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25

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Summary:  When Tup murdered General Tiplar during a battle, Anakin Skywalker and Captain Rex dispatched Ahsoka, Fives, and Yara to solve the mystery that was plaguing the Clone Army. Meanwhile, Senator Padme Amidala contacted Commander Fox, Commander Tori, Riyo Chuchi, and Dipper to help her continue investigating the death of Palpatine, suspecting that Dooku was behind the evil plot. But when Dooku send an ISB agent to stop them, the team had to race against time to search for the truth, which could alter the course of the galaxy.

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Massaging her daughter’s hair with her fingers, Tori hummed a cheerful tune as Frieda was sitting inside the bathtub, splashing water with both her tiny hands. With two candles lighting up the room, the guest bathroom had a sweet scent, which comforted the clone commander.

Curling herself inside the warm, foamy bathtub was a privilege that Tori had, and it would be the last time she could enjoy a bath like this. Usually, she had to take an open shower with Frieda and her sisters and she had to be quick about it. Now, she could take as much time as she needed without rushing through her relaxation.

It was difficult for her to sleep through the night, despite the long journey from the base. She found her queen bed to be soft, unlike her stony bunk bed. Tori and Friedahad to share with Rex, who does everything he can to drive her crazy. She could even recall the time where Rex placed a dead spider on her pillow, which pissed her off the entire day. He apologised eventually, but that didn’t stop her from cussing at him.

It’s been a while since she felt peace, though she’ll have to go back to Anaxes once the mission was done, where she had to deal with Rex and the rest of the 101st Battalion, who always created chaos whenever they had the chance. Flover, especially, would put a dead rat in Dipper’s helmet, which caused him to scream until the other units could hear them.

Flover was also the reason Tori would get a headache whenever they’re in the battlefield, as the blue-haired clone would rush towards the enemies, which unfortunately became her hubris in the Battle of Coruscant. Tori wasn’t there, but she wished Flover was still alive. As mischievous as she was, the commander felt odd without her presence. Even Dipper missed her.

“Mama,” Frieda spoke, holding a rubber ducky in her hands. “Are you okay?”

“I am, baby,” Tori replied, focusing on her daughter. “I was just thinking, that’s all.”

“What are you thinking about, Mama?”

“I was thinking about your Aunt Flover. She would have loved you very much if she was still here.”

“Who’s Aunt Flover?” the little girl asked. “And where is she?”

“Well, Aunt Flover was one of my vod’ika, and she had blue hair and loves to joke around with the others, especially Uncle Dipper. She and Uncle Dipper were like cheese and crackers. Unfortunately, Aunt Flover died in a fight six months ago, and I miss her very much.”

Frieda hung her head low as her smile disappeared. “Mama, what will happen if you die?”

Tori blinked as she hugged her knees, wondering what she could answer. She was no stranger to her daughter’s odd questions, but this one struck a chord in her mind. There were many speculations about life after death, but the commander wasn’t sure what to believe in. But she can’t leave her daughter hanging. Frieda will feel as if she had done something wrong.

“There are many beliefs about what happened after death,” Tori tried to answer. “Some believe that you become one with the Force, some also believe that you either go to the Garden or the Pitfire based on your actions, and some believe that you’re resurrected into another life. The truth is, there is no right or wrong answer to what happened after death. There’s just many possibilities for you to believe, that’s all.”

“Well, what do you believe, Mama?”

“I believe that if I die, then I just fade into oblivion, that’s all.”

“Will you be forgotten, Mama?” cried Frieda. “I don’t want you to disappear forever. I can’t live without you.”

Tori stroked her puffy wet cheeks, smiling. “As long as someone keeps my memory alive, then I’m never truly dead. I wish I could live forever, but that would be impossible. We all have to go, eventually.”

“Do you know when you will die, Mama?”

She shook her head. “No one knows when our time is up. That’s why we shouldn’t take life for granted. In order to be happy throughout your life, we should appreciate every moment we spend with someone we love, whether it’s big or small.”

“Then I will never forget you, Mama,” Frieda promised, as she climbed on Tori’s lap and hugged her. “I’ll do everything I can to remember you.”

Tori hugged her back with tears in her eyes. The last thing she wanted was to make Frieda an orphan. The latter had survived in the streets for a while and Tori does not want her little girl to go through that hardship ever again. Tori had to make sure she lived to see the last day of war.

As she cradled Frieda with her arms, there was a thunderous knock on the door. “Are you done?” Fox shouted. “You’ve been in there forever.”

“Damn you, Foxy,” she cursed, as she got out from the bathtub, with a five-year-old in her arms. “I was having a wonderful moment just now.”

“Whatever, just get changed,” ordered the Marshal Commander. “We have a mission to complete. Also, it’s Fox, not Foxy.”

“Oh please. I bet you were also soaking in the bathtub with Riyo too.”

Silence filled outside her bathroom door. As Tori and Frieda wrapped themselves with a fuzzy towel, Fox finally spoke after a few minutes. “Just hurry, goddamit.”

She snorted, draining the tub. If he can have a nice, romantic moment with Riyo, then I’m also entitled to have a bubble bath with Frieda as well. God, what a sly, cunning fox.

Walking out of the bathroom door, they headed inside their room and changed into the same outfits they wore yesterday, except it was dry cleaned by Padmé. Despite sweating underneath the pink dress, Tori felt as if she had just bought them from a store.

She also wore the same white ribbon as well and applied makeup on her face to look pretty. Those makeup set belonged to Padmé, but the latter was happy to let her use them. Her foundations and powders, however, don’t match her skin, so Tori just put on her eyeshadow, eyeliner, and a hint of lipstick instead.

Her cat eyeliner may not be perfect, but Tori could raise her head as she glanced at her reflections in the mirror. Who the hell gave me permission to make me this beautiful?

“Tori, are you done?” Fox banged on the door. “Come on, we have to get going.”

“I’ll be there, Foxy,” she complained. “It’s not like I’m late, anyway.”

“5 minutes or I’m leaving you behind.”

“I hate you,” she blew a raspberry, as she lifted Frieda with her arms and rushed towards the living room, where everyone was geared up for a stealth mission.

[pinktwingirl]

The New Recruit: Oneshot

Hey guys! I got a request from @oh-its-jennyyy for this Squirrel Girl oneshot that takes place during Civil War, so here ya go! Hope you like it!

              Bucky and Sam were confused.

              Steve had insisted on going to Manhattan, even though he knew it would blow his cover. Now that word had gotten out that Bucky had allegedly bombed the U.N. (even though Steve knew that was false), and Steve had helped him escape, the whole world seemed to be on a manhunt for the trio.

              “You want to go into Manhattan? The center of New York City?” Sam had asked. “That’s not really keeping a low profile…”

              “Trust me; this’ll be worth our while,” was all Steve said in response.

              Now, the group found themselves outside a small apartment building as cars sped down the street behind them. Even though Bucky had his face mostly covered – sunglasses, a large hat, the works – he still felt a rush of anxiety every time someone passed him on the street.

              “Steve, what are we doing here?” he asked.

              “You’ll see.”

              The group made their way up the stairs, until they stopped at a door on the third floor. Steve knocked, and they heard a soft meow from inside the door.

              “Coming!” a young woman called from inside. “Mew, get out of there!”

              Bucky and Sam were surprised to see the girl that greeted them when the door opened. She was small – couldn’t have been any more than 5’ 3’’ – and had mousy red hair tied together in a simple braid. To their confusion, the girl looked just as surprised to see them.

              “I didn’t think you’d be coming here in person…” she said.

              “I didn’t want to discuss details over the phone,” Steve responded.

              “You need to get in here, now.” The girl ushered the men into the tiny living room, where she had them sit down on the couch. “You’re lucky my roommate’s not home.”

              “You didn’t say you had a roommate,” Steve protested.

              “I’m a college student! What did you expect?” Doreen turned to Bucky and Sam. “I was wondering when I’d be meeting you guys. My name’s Doreen Green.” She paused and dropped the sweatshirt that was wrapped around her waist to the floor. “Guess I won’t be needing this anymore…”

              If Sam hadn’t joined a team of Asgardian space gods and an 8-foot-tall green rage machine, he might’ve been surprised by the revelation that the girl had a tail attached to her. Instead, he just found himself with more questions.

              “So…” he got out. “Are we allowed to ask what’s going on now, or…?”

              “This girl is a mutant,” Steve explained. “She has altered DNA. She’s half-squirrel.”

              “48.2% squirrel, to be precise,” Doreen corrected.

              “She’s been fighting crime in New York under the alias ‘Squirrel Girl,’” Steve continued. “I want to recruit her to our team.”

              “’Squirrel Girl’?” Bucky said. A part of him wanted to laugh, but he stopped himself out of fear of offending the girl.

              “Are you sure this is a good idea, Steve?” Sam asked. He turned to Doreen. “This isn’t just some training exercise; we’re going up against the rest of the Avengers. This could get ugly. Not to mention the legal consequences of the whole thing.”

              “I’ve been keeping my identity a secret, so I’m not too worried about the law,” Doreen explained. “Even if I do get caught, they’ll be going after Squirrel Girl, not Doreen Green.”

              “She’s capable; trust me,” Steve assured them. “I’ve seen her in action once before. She’s never failed a job, never gotten any bystanders hurt. She can do this.”

              “Steve told me about the whole situation with you, Bucky,” Doreen added. “I don’t believe you’re the person everyone says you are. And… I know that the Sokovia Accords are wrong. It’s not fair that you all have to be put under surveillance all the time just because you have abilities.” She let out a bit of a weak laugh. “Trust me, I know… I want to help you. Just tell me what I have to do.”

                                                     …

                The jet ride to Germany couldn’t have been more exhausting. Doreen had virtually spent the entire 8 hours enthusing about different types of squirrels (particularly the rare Japanese flying squirrel.) Normally, Bucky might’ve found her enthusiasm and chipper attitude endearing, but given the circumstances, he only found it irritating. He and Sam had taken the time to watch some surveillance footage of her in action, and while she was certainly an impressive fighter, what they saw wasn’t enough to convince them that she was right for the job.

              “Are you sure about this, Steve?” Bucky had asked. “This girl is going to get herself killed.”

              “Trust me on this, Buck,” Steve replied. “I know what I’m doing.”

              In Germany, the group met up with the other Avengers Steve had called for help – Scott, Wanda, and Clint. While Scott tried not to fanboy over meeting the Captain America, Wanda was surprised at the firm, eager handshake she received from Doreen.

              “Ooh! You’re Wanda Maximoff!” Doreen squealed. “I saw you using your powers and stuff on TV! They’re so cool! I’ve always wanted to see them in person!” She gently cupped her pet squirrel, Tippy-Toe in her hands. “Could you levitate Tippy-Toe? I mean… You know… If it’s alright with you?”

              “Oh… sure,” Wanda said, a bit embarrassed by the praise. After Lagos, it was jarring to hear someone talk about her powers like they weren’t a public menace.

              With a red haze, the squirrel began to rise until she was floating in the air. Tippy-Toe let out a few surprised squeaks before growing more comfortable with the idea, stretch out her paws as if she really were flying. Doreen and Wanda laughed as Wanda moved the squirrel around in circles.

              Doreen giggled. “Now you really are a flying squirrel, Tippy!”

              Wanda gently set the squirrel back down in her hands.

              “That was amazing!” Doreen exclaimed. “How did you learn to, you know, control it and stuff?”

              “It… took a lot of practice. Sometimes, I’m still not sure I even can control it fully.” Wanda paused, looking almost timid. “So… you really do like my powers? I mean… you don’t think they’re… dangerous, or… strange?”

              “No way! You wanna talk “strange”? Look at me! I’ve got a squirrel’s tail growing out of my ass! You shouldn’t have to feel ashamed of what you can do! It’s what makes you unique! There’s nobody else like you in the world!”

              Wanda smiled. She could tell she was going to like this girl.

                                                       …

                Doreen hadn’t realized how nervous she was until the airport battle had begun. All that time spent admiring the Avengers on TV, wishing she could one day join them… and here she was, facing off with half of them.

              Iron Man had flown over one of the towers, when she used her enhanced muscle strength to pounce on him, along with several of her squirrels, who were busy taking apart his armor.

              “What the…?!” Tony sputtered.

              “Sorry about this!” Doreen shouted. “Just wanted you to know I’m still a big fan even though you’re being kind of a jerk right now!”

              Bucky and Sam were having their own problems. Much to their dismay (and utter bafflement), the kid Tony brought along was actually holding his own in the fight and could even shoot spiderwebs out of his hand. Bucky didn’t know whether to be impressed or embarrassed at the fact that this boy, who couldn’t have been more than 15, was able to block his metal arm in a punch.

              “Whoa! You have a metal arm?” the kid enthused. “Dude, that is awesome!”

              Sam was growing more irritated by the second. This kid was getting on his nerves, and he just wanted him to shut up. And you know what? If that meant beating up a 14-year-old, then so be it.

              He tried firing redwing off to haul the kid away, but he just used his spiderwebs to take it down.

              “Okay…” Sam grumbled. “We’re running out of options, here.”

              Just then, Doreen appeared, seemingly out of nowhere. Much to their amazement, she jumped a whole 20 feet off the ground to tackle the kid to the ground.

              “Sorry about this!” she shouted. “I don’t wanna hurt you, but I kinda need you to stop now!”

              With a clench of her hand, spikes of bone shot out of her knuckles. Working fast, she used the blades to cut away the kid’s web-shooters.

              “Aw, man!” he shouted.

              Doreen whistled, and a crowd of about 100 squirrels dragged the kid away.

              “Hey, I’m sure you can always make more!” she said. “And in the future, remember not to mess with your friendly neighborhood Squirrel Girl!”

              “Friendly neighborhood?! Hey! That’s my line!”

              Bucky and Sam exchanged a smile. Maybe they had underestimated this girl after all.

[forsakenoathkeeper]

I Am Alive (chapter 7/?)

Chapter 7: Rising Tensions

Deviant!Connor[RK800] x (fem!)Reader Rated M(18+) for canon-typical violence and gore, medical procedures, and graphic sexual content

Chapters: 1 • 2 • 3 • 4 • 5 • 6 • 7 • 8 • 9 • 10 • 11 • 12 • 13 • 14 • 15 • 16 • 17 • 18 • more coming soon

You can also read on AO3 & thank you for supporting me ♥

The days that followed were quiet... until they weren't.

A demonstration was being held in the streets on an ordinary Friday morning. Charles Reaves, disgruntled former employee of Cyberlife, had started a frightening movement. He was calling it 'The Fight for Humanity'. He often accompanied that with 'against the machines'.

Charles claimed he had started at Cyberlife when they were a new company, watched it build and grow, participated in the rotation of androids as old models left and new ones came in. He helped build their AI. He even went so far as to call Elijah Kamski a hack.

Charles knew androids inside and out. He knew the exact layout of their internal workings, the purpose of each and every part. Charles was well rounded with their computer components, as well: how their processor worked, how their storage systems saved their memories, what could cause errors in their operating systems and how advanced their self-repair and diagnostic tools were.

Yet, he was of the firm belief that androids were nothing more than computers operating in the plastic shell of an object imitating a human. According to him, they were things owned by humanity, humanity's creation. He did not see them as a part of humanity.

You were at work, in the break room with a few other nurses huddled around you. All eyes were on the television, giving live coverage of the demonstration. Charles was up on a stage with hundreds of people watching from the sidewalk, the street, and, of course, thousands watching from the comfort of their homes.

When the camera swooped the crowd, you could see both humans and androids were in the crowd. The human's expressions were mixed, some looking on with admiration while others gawked in disgust. Some androids seemed afraid, others seemed enraged. None of the androids stood alone. They were in groups or partners, huddled together or holding hands.

"You know what makes up an android? Computer parts. Molded plastic. Silicone mesh and wiring," Charles declared from the stage, fire in his eyes. "They were designed with operating systems, clear instructions for behavior. They are components commanding a shell."

One of the androids in the crowd stood up on a crate. It made him stand out from the crowd; but, he still paled in comparison to Charles' stage. "How is that any different from humans!?" the android shouted. Charles eyed him with disgust, but was quiet, and let him speak.

"Humans' brains send signals to the body and interpret information the same way!" the android proclaimed. "You speak about our parts as if they are proof we aren't alive when humans are built all the same!"

Charles titled his head a little, annoyance present in his eyes. "Humans are the result of millions of years of evolution. You were made in our likeness because we chose to make you that way. We grow and we change and we adapt and we die. Androids never change. Androids don't die because they were never alive."

The android didn't step down, glaring at Charles. "We want and we fear and we love and we feel - just the same as humans!"

"Your 'feelings' are flawed programming by an incompetent programmer," Charles declared. "What you think is wanting is nothing but a fool's string of code jumbling the clear instructions given to you. I know your model, android. You were designed to drive trucks. Whatever purpose you think you have beyond that is a lie."

Your hands were clenched on the table, nails biting into the skin of your palm. In the corner of your eye, you could see nurses glancing at you occasionally, concern in their eyes. They all knew you were dating an android.

"We are alive!" the android shouted. Another joined in, calling out to the crowd, "we are alive!"

"I am alive!" Charles shouted in the microphone. He gestured to the humans in the audience. "We are born and we grow and we endure!" He pointed at the android standing up on a crate, elevated above the crowd. "YOU were made by US! YOU are NOTHING without us! -and you will be nothing when the absurdity of this is over..."

Unable to take anymore, you stood up and hastily exited the breakroom, crossing through the back hallways and stepping outside to get some fresh air.

'did you see the news?' you messaged Connor, tapping away hastily on your phone. You had started typing another message to follow it; however, Connor messaged you back before you finished.

'Can I call you?' the message read.

Worry bubbling up, you decided to jump the gun and called him instead. He uttered your name warmly when he answered.

"Connor, is everything okay?" you asked, some panic in your voice.

"Yes - everything's fine. I didn't mean to worry you," he replied, a bit startled by your outburst.

"No - it's okay," you replied softly. "I saw the protests and - just - was worried something happened."

"There's been more attacks on Cyberlife resource vehicles," he explained. "-and a fight broke out at a protest today. Some androids were attacked. They didn't fight back; so, there were no human injuries. I wanted to prepare you; but, it seems you were already aware."

"I saw the demonstration on the news; but, didn't hear about those things. That explains why it's been so quiet today. Androids are probably afraid to come in," you said sadly.

Connor knew the answer to that. Markus had told him himself. Their numbers had grown exponentially and the government was, mostly, supporting them. But, it would be a long time before things could be normal between androids and humans.

Groups were rising up against them; it was inevitable.

Afraid that you would put yourself in harm's way, Connor decided to keep that between him and Markus.

"With everything going on. I wanted to know if-"

Connor cut off for a second, going silent. When he continued, it was clear he was speaking to someone else. "No, she's fine," he said. "Well, I - that's none of your business, lieutenant," he added on, in a smug, sort of teasing, manner. You grinned into the phone, wishing you could hear whatever it was Hank was saying.

A few seconds later, Connor continued. "I - ah - wanted to know if - if you would stay with me, at my apartment - at least until things settle. As long as you feel comfortable, of course. I intend to make it more suitable. I don't expect you to-"

"Connor," you chuckled. "The answer's yes."

"Oh." He sounded surprised, honestly, like he hadn't expected you to cave so quickly.

"Though, it won't stay so clean with me living there," you said. "Humans make a mess. Sure you can handle that?"

"I'll have you know I'm very adaptable," Connor retorted, some pride in his tone.

"Is that so?" you giggled into the phone. "I've gotta pack some things first. So, I'll be late."

"I don't sleep; you don't have to worry about waking me," Connor stated, as if it was new information.

"Oh, that's right. You're an android. I forgot," you teased sarcastically into the phone.

"Recognizing your sarcasm is also one of my features," Connor replied. It was difficult to tell if he was joking without looking into his eyes. His voice wasn't always telling; but, his eyes were too expressive for his own good.

"Any other features I should know about?" you asked lowly.

Connor was quiet for a second. "Hank wanted me to tell you that being a pain in the ass is one of my features," Connor stated, perhaps dryer than he intended.

It had you doubling over in laughter.

"-and that I should stop being whipped," he added on, saying the word as if he didn't quite understand the context of it.

"Oh my god, Connor-" you stammered out between laughter.

"I haven't lost my freewill lieutenant," Connor stated, almost in an argumentative tone.

Oh no. He must have done a quick internet search on that term.

"Okay. I gotta go before you kill me," you chuckled. "I lo-"

Oh-

You caught yourself and dissolved the words into some coughs.

You almost-

"I gotta go, Connor," you added hastily. "Be safe."

-and hung up.

"Shit," you cursed at yourself, dragging your hand across your face. It almost slipped out. Was it too early to say that? For fucks sake, the first time shouldn't be over the phone.

It just-

-felt right.

You cursed at yourself again and hastily went back inside to find some work to do.

...

...

...

Seven PM rolled around and you were on your way out the door. Most other nurses had already gone home for the day, just one staying behind to help close up. You were just on your way to lock the door when two men approached.

You recognized one as a PL600 model. His companion was a tad bit taller with tan skin and short, nearly shaved, dark hair.

"I'm sorry it's so late," he apologized, immediately noticing you were about to close for the night.

"They're closing, let's-" the PL600 started, facing his companion.

Afraid they were going to leave, you gently interrupted him, "it's alright. Come in."

You held the door open, inviting them inside. The two men exchanged glances, the PL600 looking far more hesitant than the other.

"Simon, come on, it's gonna be fine," the tanner male encouraged him.

As you followed in behind them, you saw the other nurse shoot you a look, the kind that said, 'seriously?'.

"If you wanna head home, I can close up," you offered to her. She contemplated it for a minute, before tightening her bag on her shoulder and scurrying out the door.

Whatever-

-you trusted androids more than humans anyway.

"Alright. What's broken?" you asked them, brightening your tone with the hopes it would relax them. Both men looked uneasy, quite out of their element.

The darker of the two nudged the PL600 forward - the one named Simon.

Simon looked uneasy, like he had just been pushed into traffic. You gave him a small, patient smile. Simon lifted a hand and dragged his knuckles across his jaw nervously. "I - ughh - my right audio input is damaged," he stuttered, turning his head to show you his left ear. It seemed like he had either been hit or had something thrown at him. The outer shell of his ear was damaged, exposing some of the circuit board underneath.

"Can't hear out of it, huh?" you offered.

Simon turned his head back to face you. "No," he answered quietly. "-and it's - ugh - buzzing."

"I have plenty of boards that should be compatible. At least we can fix your hearing tonight. The ear will take some time. If you come back tomorrow, I'd be happy to repair it?" you suggested, looking up at Simon. His hair was pushed back and a little messier than his models typically had, and he had incredibly blue eyes.

Simon almost looked like he wasn't allowed to say yes. It didn't surprise you. He likely hadn't had a pleasant conversation with a human in a long time.

The other man, whom you assumed was also an android, stepped around Simon. "Thank you," he said sincerely. You looked up at him more properly this time. He had a kind smile, but tightness around his cheeks, suggesting he had some hasty repairs done in the past.

His eyes-

-one was mossy green and the other was pale blue.

You swallowed roughly, starting to recognize this stranger. It was Markus, the leader of the deviants, the face of the resolution. You didn't want to make it obvious that you recognized him, and did your best to maintain a stoic expression.

As much as you wanted to say something - you weren't quite what that would be - you also didn't want to put him on the spot. He likely had to deal with this sort of unwanted attention all the time.

"Just a second - gonna go grab that audio component," you explained, stepping away from them to head for the storage room.

Before rummaging around for the piece, you sent Connor a quick message. "will be a little late - guy came in with a fucked up ear," you had said, pressing send and tucking your phone back into your pocket to pull out the right piece for Simon's model.

As you approached them, component in hand, you called out, "Simon, can you sit down here, please?" You stepped around a chair, patting the armrest. The android shuffled over nervously. He took a seat, alert, facing you. He was sitting upright, hands in his lap.

"If it's alright, can you lay down? It'll make it easier," you requested.

Simon blinked slowly, looking uneasy. Markus' hand fell onto his shoulder for a moment.

"It's gonna be fine," he promised gently.

Simon shot Markus a look of understanding before shifting around, leaning back in the chair, presenting his damaged ear to you.

"Can you open your panel?" you requested softly.

Simon nodded, a little more fiercely than was necessary, likely to show you that he heard your request. The panel around his ear unhinged, allowing you to prop it open. You poked the edge with one of your tools to carefully push it aside, exposing the component underneath.

It was cracked right down the center.

"I'm gonna remove the broken one now," you explained, leaning in with a tool in either hand. Simon was still as you worked, his eyes focused on Markus, who was watching you. He didn't look untrusting or uneasy, and that gave you some relief.

"This new one will need a firmware update," you said gently as you slotted the replacement in and lined up the connectors. Simon flinched a little at the sensation. You folded the artificial tissue back over and leaned back, giving the android space to sit up.

He was quiet for a moment, LED flickering yellow as he downloaded the firmware update. Luckily, someone had taken ownership of Cyberlife's firmware servers in order to keep them running.

Simon sat up when it was complete, turning his head to look at you. "Diagnostics are reading normal," he stated.

"Is the audio input working normally?" you asked. Simon made a thoughtful expression. "Can you hear me alright?" you added on, mainly to help him judge the input feedback.

"Yes," the android replied softly. "Thank you," he added on, looking at you with a smile.

He looked so sincere, as if he hadn't expected such kindness. It melted you.

"Simon, actually, I can do the shell tonight, if you don't mind?" you offered.

"I've already kept you," Simon blurted.

"No, I can't let you leave like that," you explained. "Please?"

"I-" Simon stammered. "I should be saying 'please'."

"You..." you began, trailing off as you wondered if the words that threatened to leave your lips were inappropriate. "You got hurt at one of the protests, didn't you?" you asked gently.

Simon looked uneasy. Markus, however, was fierce. "Yes," he replied for the PL600.

You nodded in understanding. "I want to help," you whispered.

It was the first thing that came to mind. You wanted to help. You wanted to make it better, in whatever way you could. You could repair androids. You could diagnose their damages. That was all you could do.

"Okay," Simon suddenly said, sounding much more comfortable than he did a few minutes ago.

You smiled and rotated around to the end table nearest you. The tools you needed, extra membranous materials and plastic shell casing molds, were there. You pulled everything out and set them on the table nearby.

"Your model doesn't follow a protocol for the skeleton-base," you explained, information Simon likely already knew about himself. He was an older model, meant to be discontinued. That knowledge only made the situation harder. "So, I'll have to take my time. Ready?"

The android nodded and turned his head to give you room to work. In the corner of your eye, as you leaned over Simon, you could see Markus in the corner of your eye, an expression that looked like 'thank you' on his face.

"May I ask your name?" Simon uttered at some point.

You gave it softly, seeing as you were right next to his ear, poking and prodding at the artificial flesh there.

"Why did you suggest a manual repair and not a full shell replacement?" Markus asked, sounding more curious than judgmental.

"It's really hard to get shells, especially for smaller parts. We're lucky we have any pieces," you explained. "-and I guess I've done this enough that it doesn't bother me..."

'-like some of the other nurses' you almost said. You decided to hold your tongue.

"You've been doing this for a while?" Markus asked, almost hesitant.

"I suppose so," you answered quietly. You had gone to school for biomechanical engineering fresh out of high school and went straight to work repairing damages androids. It was potentially the most depressing time of your life; but, you had a childhood that conquered that.

The androids were quiet after that, letting you work in silence, if not for the overhead fan making annoying buzzing sounds.

"There we go," you groaned, sitting up and briefly stretching your bag. You set your tools down and fetched a hand mirror, offering it to Simon.

Markus walked around to take a look.

"I feel silly," Simon chuckled, looking at his reflection. You joined in his laughter, recognizing he meant the mirror and the vanity it was implying.

"Looks good as new," Markus commented with a smile.

Simon offered the mirror back to you. "I don't know if 'thank you' is good enough," he uttered, looking bashful. He didn't seem like the same man that walked in those doors an hour ago.

"It is, Simon," you offered with a smile. "I choose to do this."

Markus' multi-colored eyes landed on you. "There are many damaged androids afraid to come here. If I can get them to put their faith in you, would you be willing to go to them?"

You gawked up at Markus, who looked down at you with confidence.

"I don't know if I could get approval for that - the parts, I mean. I would try, if you believe they would want it? -from a human, anyway..."

Markus' head tilted slightly and his eyes darkened with concern. "I want us to work together with humans - I want them to see that it's possible - that there can be peace."

You smiled at Markus; but, the first android that came to mind was Connor. You felt your cheeks warm at the thought of what you had almost said to him earlier.

"You recognize me, don't you?" Markus asked suddenly, catching you off guard.

"I do, Markus," you replied carefully.

"-you still offered to help?" Simon uttered. Your eyes shifted to him for a moment. He seemed uneasy, likely expecting more hostility towards the leader of the deviants, regardless of your profession.

"I don't-" you began, breaking off when you realized you didn't know where you were going with that thought.

"I've seen androids torn to pieces," you started, looking back to Markus. "I've had them delivered to me crying that they don't want to die... I came back here because of this - because of the revolution. I wanted to do something I could be proud of for a change..."

It felt strange-

-admitting this to Markus.

He had a way with people, making them want to open up to him.

"I understand the risk you're taking," Markus stated. "I won't ask you to come if I don't feel it's safe... I hope I'll see you again."

You nodded and watched the boys leave, hoping that Markus would return.

...

...

...

When you finally staggered into Connor's apartment that night, the android was seated at the island, folders, papers, photographs and documents, scattered along the surface in front of him.

He turned his head a little to acknowledge you when you walked in before immediately craning his neck back down, eyes falling back to the document in front of him.

"Hey," you hummed, walking over to him. You leaned over his shoulder and pressed a kiss against his LED.

"Hey," he replied back, leaning into the kiss. You couldn't help but laugh at how silly the word sounded coming out of his mouth. It didn't quite the suit the prim and proper detective.

"Thank you for agreeing to stay here," Connor said, sincere.

"Why would I say no to an opportunity to spend more time with you?" you huffed. "Besides, your place is nicer than mine and closer to work."

"I'm glad to know you're benefiting."

You hummed, a little irritated by his response. "You think I'm inconvenienced?"

"In a way, yes," he replied, in a tone that seemed distant.

"I'm not inconvenienced - geez, what's gotten into you?" you snapped a little.

Connor looked up at you, discomfort dashing behind his eyes. "I-..." he trailed off, looking back down at his papers.  He dragged a hand through his hair. His fingers lingered briefly at the back of his neck before lowering back down to the counter.

"I'm sorry. I'm not handling this as well as I thought."

"The protests?" you offered softly.

The android didn't nod, nor answer. His eyes shifted away uneasily for a moment before moving back to you. It wasn't exactly a yes, but that seemed to be part of his trouble, at least.

"They're challenging your livelihood," you proclaimed. "You have every right to be upset."

"I made a choice against my creators; but..." Connor trailed off, his confidence waning for a moment. "This time, I have to be on both sides."

Connor felt as torn as he did back then. He wanted freedom for himself, for his people. He was fortunate to have a place to call his home, a job where he could find purpose. He wanted his people to have those things, too.

But, he feared the consequences of an uprising, of the human lives that would be lost. He still cared about humans. Maybe that was because of Hank - because of you. Maybe some part of his programming never quite left him.

You didn't know what to do - what to say. You wanted to embrace him and pull him away from that mess, just for a little bit; however, Connor turned away from you and buried his nose back into the pile of paperwork.

He wanted to confide in you; but, at the same time, he didn't. You had your own challenges, your own problems. He didn't want to add to that list. He didn't want to be one of the things that brought stress into your life.

"I'll-... be back in a second," you quietly, feeling small as you stepped away.

Connor's bedroom was as welcoming as you remembered and impeccably clean. You set your bags against the wall next to the archway that led into his bathroom. You brushed your teeth and changed into some comfy clothes, brushed your hair back, washed your face.

You returned to the kitchen and approached Connor. He looked up at you, hearing the quiet tapping of your bare feet on the floor. When his eyes lands landed on you, he looked conflicted.

"You know I believe in you... right?" you whispered, leaning against the counter nearest him.

He rotated around so that his lap was no longer tucked beneath the island's overlap. You decided to take that as an invitation and approached, standing a little closer, right in front of his knees.

"I like to imagine that. But, it feels better hearing you say it," he said quietly, like he was confessing to something outlandish.

"We'll get through this," you added on.

He looked away suddenly, lips tightening. You reached for him and cupped his cheek, pinkie and ring finger over the edge of his sharp jawline. Connor's eyes, warm, brown, shining in the bright kitchen lights, flickered back up to your face.

"I want to do this with you, Connor," you proclaimed proudly. "They're wrong about androids. Their views may never change, but that doesn't mean we can't strive for the future."

"This... isn't your fight," he said quietly, doubt flickering in his gaze. His brow lowered slightly. Your hand slid off his cheek and you frowned.

"It's my fight if I want it to be... and I do," you replied firmly, voice rising slightly.

"I don't want-" Connor stammered, frustration mingled with fear in his eyes.

"It's not just about you," you interrupted him sharply. "I care about androids - I did before I met you. I want to help. I-..." You trailed off, realizing you were mad at him for being worried about your safety. "I'm sorry for snapping at you, but-"

"No, you're right," he said hoarsely. "I shouldn't try to control you."

"That's not what this is!" you almost shouted, arms trembling at your sides. "I worry about you, too... -about what could happen. You're on the frontlines for fucks sake. But, you're a fighter and I don't want to change that. I love that about you..."

Connor was afraid that if his hands touched you, he wouldn't be able to let go. So, he kept them to himself, and soaked in your expression. He knew you cared about androids. He had witnessed it on more than one occasion. He didn't want to make light of your sacrifice.

But, still...

He felt so-

-selfish.

"You... amazed me, when I saw you risk your safety for androids - for people you didn't know, people who aren't... human," he confessed quietly. "You put yourself in danger," he said lowly, breaking off to roughly drag a hand across his face, pulling at his skin gently in frustration.

"-drives me crazy..."

He said it low, quiet, as if he wasn't sure he wanted you to hear it. He sounded both enamored and annoyed at the same time.

"You drive me crazy," you retorted softly with a smile.

You wanted him to reach out to you, to give you a kiss goodnight, or at least take your hand for a second. But, Connor didn't look like he wanted to be touched.

"I'm... gonna let you get back to work... Goodnight, Connor."

Connor nodded, uttering, "goodnight," and watched you leave. He returned to his case files and tried really hard to focus on the task at hand. His hand fumbled on the surface of the counter, fingers flexing, tightening, flexing again. He chewed his bottom lip for a second. Maybe asking you to stay here was a bad idea, if it meant he couldn't think straight.

He looked through the photos of suspects believed to be involved in the protest this morning, the one that resulted in some assaults on androids. He wanted to analyze their faces so he could remember them when searching security footage.

It wasn't easy for an android to forget a face.

It shouldn't have been easy for an android to get distracted; however, he was really struggling in that moment.

"...damn it," he growled at himself, tearing away from the counter and rising to his feet. He walked into the bedroom, trying to make careful footsteps while simultaneously not giving a fuck. He walked over to the side of the bed that you had taken a liking to.

He knew you weren't asleep. Your breathing pattern was too rough. But, he didn't care. Connor leaned over and pressed a kiss against your forehead and pretended he didn't notice the way your lips twitched against the pillow.

Just like that, he felt better, and returned to his mountain of paperwork with ease.

[ribcage-rodents]

How Iris first had an inkling that Wally had a crush on Dick. Ok so like, bc Star and Gotham are absolutely horrifying during Halloween, Barry is like “I’ll patrol then Iris will take the babies trick or teating”

Originally Wally is really upset bc he wants to go patrolling w his uncle but once he finds out that he gets to hang out w the other hero’s he’s psyched.

So Wally is like 12-13 and dresses up as the flash naturally. Roy is like 14-15 and he’s totally too old for Halloween and over it bc he’s super angsty, and dresses up as like Jason form Friday the thirteenth or some shit bc Black Canary forces him to. Robin only ever celebrated Halloween during his circus days when everyone would paint their face scary and flying Graysons would do aerial ballet show w black fabric so it was like spiders but after that it was just horrifying.

Anyway so Barry picked up this tiny Batman costume and Iris was like “Barry hon, isn’t he like 10? Shouldn’t you get him a bigger outfit?” (He two years younger than Wally, and four younger than Roy) And Barry is like “no trust me babe he teeny”.

Batman shows up to their house followed by a tinsity winsty baby tiny Batman bc Barry ran it over b/f patrol. And wow is that cute. Tiny baby Batman is basically glued to Batman’s side, his teeny little head coming up to Batman’s lower thigh, last time Iris checked 10-year olds aren’t supposed to be that tiny but wow is it adorable. (I’m sorry I just love teeny baby Dickie& giant looming built-like-a-tank batdaddy)

Barry told her what Batman had already explained. That Robin is foreign and doesn’t really know a lot of holiday stuff and also has been severely traumatized the past couple of years and doesn’t really like strangers and knows better than to take anything from strangers.

So it’s obvious that Robin would rather be tied up and drugged w fear gas than in a family aquatintence’s home about to go trick or treating. And Iris is a little resentful of the other boys, hard as she try to be understanding, bc Wally looks so disappointed bc he just wants to have friends and these guys don’t want to have fun.

Anyway Roy is kinda warming up to the whole trick or treating thing but sometimes he can be really mean to Wally but maybe Iris is just overprotective of her boy. Iris takes several pictures during the entire night despite both Batmans being adamant about no photos.

Robin refuses to go up to any house but Iris doesn’t comment on it. She doesn’t want to alienate him, so she doesn’t say anything. She goes up and grabs him a peice of candy but he disappears into the night. She panics for a good couple of seconds but calms when tiny Batman shows up next to Wally and Roy.

She doesn’t try again after that. He likes to walk at the back of the group and every time Iris tries to keep an eye on him, bc he may be a trained hero but central isn’t as safe as smallsville and her parental instincts are going off. Every couple of blocks Wally will try to walk next to him and talk and it’ll work for a while then Robin will slow down and fall behind and Wally’s angelic little baby face gets so sad.

As their trip comes to an end Iris can see Robin wrapping the cape around him tightly w his eyes screwed shut and it breaks her heart a little bc this poor boy must be so uncomfortable and scared that he’s trying to imitate the feeling of his mentors hug. It’s a jarring to imagine Batman hugging anything but she supposes that a baby as cute as that must make even the dark knight just wanna squeeze his sweet rosy, chubby cheeks. She reaches out to place a hand on his head, bc he’s too short to comfortably put a hand on his shoulder.

He jerks back immediately and death glares her, his anger showing full force through the white eyelets. She sent him an apologetic smile and he seemed to unbistle a smidgen.

Once they were finally home Iris watched them from behind the kitchen counter. Wally and Roy were digging into the candy while Robin perched on top of the couch. He kept scratching at his arm, Barry said that it was fine as long as it was controlled. Apparently the poor baby had a pretty serious anxiety disorder and tended to scratch to make himself feel better, it was ok as long as he didn’t have an attack.

She tossed him the single candy across the room, he caught it swiftly in his tiny baby hand. (So cute) Wally shot up to his feet. “That’s not one of my candies right?” Iris smiled, her prefect gluttonous boy. “Nope it’s from your uncles,” it was lie but it didn’t harm anyone. “That’s my backup candy!” Wally cried racing towards the door and snatching up handfuls of candy from the trick or treater bowl. Iris pretend to scold him for being stingy.

Robin slowly unwrapped the candy then examined it breaking off a piece and finally eating the snickers. His eyelets widened comically and he chewed slowly staring down at the candy before shoving the entire (not that fun size is really that big) thing in his mouth. It was absolutely adorable! She wished she had take a video and wondered if this was his first ever candy. (Dick usually just ate cotton candy as a kid, he hadn’t discover cereal yet. But since his parents died he hasn’t had real sugar, Alfred has strict hold on anything sweet in the house and Robin was deemed too energetic already.)

Apparently Wally agreed bc his mouth was wide open and his face was a blotchy-red color. His eyes were filled w what Iris could only discribe as adoration.

Wally swallowed then stood up again. His arms filled w sweets. “Here you can have my candy!” Wally all but shouted at the other boy, he paused for a second looking at his arms, “or we could share,” he suggested instead.

That’s what got Iris, even before his flash experiment Wally has never shared food, not even w his uncle. But here he was offering up some to a boy he hardly knows bc he thinks it’s cute when he eats candy. God she might cry.

Robin smiled at Wally. A real smile, the first one she’s seen all night. “You could still have it all if you wanted!” Wally said again his face turning a couple shades darker and thrusting the candy at robin, who artfully avoided his touch.

“We can share, don’t speedsters need extra calories?” Wally nodded and then proceeded to gather up the rest of the candy scattered on the floor. It was then that Iris noticed that Roy and dipped.

She was slightly panicked. Roy could probably fight for himself but he’s still a baby, a baby that Iris was in charge of. She hurriedly pulled out some blankets and turned on the tv for the boys while she dialed Barry who called Ollie. In a strange turn of events Ollie actually apologized to Iris, saying quote, “Roy’s a little jack-ass of course he snuck off. Don’t worry I’ll find him, probably screwed off to get drunk at some highschool party. Thanks for watching him while you could, I honestly expected him to scurry off a lot sooner.”

It didn’t exactly ease the tension in Iris’ chest but watching those two babies sitting on the couch pass candy back forth watching Charlie Brown specials made her feel a lot better. They were on opposite sides of the couch and Iris could see Wally’s little fingers twitching by his legs, he got up to go to the bathroom and came back only to really casually sit right next to Robin, like basically on his lap.

Robin wiggled up onto the arm of the couch.

“Ok so this ones a Milky Way,” Wally said passing the treat up to Robin.

He popped it in his mouth and chewed. “What’s the difference between this one and the snickers?” He asked, Iris was a little surprised by how good Robins accent was, he spoke like a natural English speaker, which he wasn’t. Every once in a while he’d use a word wrong or mispronounce something, a lit of something would catch on what he was saying but his American accent was pretty flawless.

“Snickers have peanuts, milky ways don’t,” Wally supplied in a duh voice. Robin smiled, “golly, you sure know a bunch about candies. You must be really smart!” And isn’t that so cute! Everyone treats the speedsters like idiots just bc they’re dense but here Robin is picking up on the hidden intelligence like a Batman should. Wally puffed his chest out all proud his face was still all red like a patchy strawberry.

A couple hours passed when Batman showed up. Wearing a different not soaked in fear gas costume, both Iris and Wally were sad to see robin go, well Wally was more devastated. The minute Batman stepped through the front door Robin was disappearing underneath his cape, according to Barry Robin doesn’t like to be more than 3cm from Batman at all times.

“Maybe we can hang out more!” Wally called his blush finally fading. A chipper ok sounded from somewhere in Batman’s cape, (Wally’s face turned scarlet in an instant) at the same time Batman gruffed out a no. Wally’s perfect baby face fell, Batman and Robin left. “Hey don’t worry kiddo I’ll talk to him!” Wally gave a half-hearted smile then went back to his candy eating.

Later he was engrossed in a discussion of patrol w his uncle while they both ate most of central’s candy supply.

As Barry and Iris got ready for bed an hour or so later she turned to him w a mischievous smile. “So it’s seems like Wally’s got his first real crush!” She sing-songed. Barry looked at her confused a toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. “Who?” “Robin” she responded. “That’s doesn’t make any sense!” She signed, somethings speedsters really were dense.

[you-did-well-moon]

Seventeen reaction to idol! s/o crying during an emotional performance

Type: Fluff/Angst

A/n: I don't know if you guys know just how much I love writing idol au’s. They’re always fun for me to create and imagine. I promise the next reactions will be much fluffier, I really did try to make this reaction as happy as I could. Some songs are in English while others are in Korean, but they all mean a lot to me. I asked people for songs, researched, got some from my own playlist. I totally didn’t cry looking at songs for this reaction. Thanks anon for requesting. Please don’t be afraid to talk to me or to request!!~Moon

TW : mental illness, curse words, insecurities, self-depreciating, mentions of suicide 

in this reaction it is assumed the public knows about your relationship

S.Coups

Song: Breathe - Lee Hi

“It’s alright if you run out of breath No one will blame you It’s okay to make mistakes sometimes Because anyone can do so Although comforting by saying it’s alright Are just words”

The song you were singing was made to comfort someone going through a hard time. To tell them it's okay to slow down a bit and be human. You had repeatedly told yourself you wouldn't cry during the performance, but in the end, emotion overwhelmed you. Singing the lyrics of the songs you had always wished there was someone to say those words to you. Now, you were singing them to thousands of people who had stories and scars of hurt and pain that would always follow them no much how fast they ran away.

You were proud to be able to give them comfort, and you embraced the tears with open arms knowing you were just as human as the crowd in front of you crying the same tears alongside you. With the live orchestra behind you, the back round of a star dotted sky, and your mic clutched in your hand, you raised your chin high as you felt the tears traveling down the slope of your nose.

Seungcheol wouldn't even notice he was crying, and he would not notice the cameras filming him. He wouldn't notice the crowd’s “aaw” when his distraught face showed up on the screen. He could only focus on you.  Seungcheol’s heart would sink deeper at each tear that dripped off your chin. His knee bounced with the anticipation of running to you and comforting you. When he did get to you, he took one look at your shaky hands paired with shiny eyes, and he rested his forehead against yours kissing your eyelids staying in that position until he was sure you weren't in such a sensitive state as you were on stage.

“You shouldn't cry when i’m so far away. How will I wipe your tears away then?”

Jeonghan

Song: Little Me - Little Mix

“I'd tell her to speak up, tell her to shout out Talk a bit louder, be a bit prouder Tell her she's beautiful, wonderful Everything she doesn't see You gotta speak up, you got to shout out And know that right here, right now You can be beautiful, wonderful Anything you want to be Little me”

This stage was a bit different than what your group was used to. You had partners in the form of 14-15 year old girls supposed to represent the younger selves of your group. All the time you had spent with your partner practicing led to the growth of a bond. Rayul had come to open up to you with some of her insecurities, and you had never failed to comfort her. You had grown fond of her. You saw yourself in her too much for you not to grow close to her. Now as you and Rayul moved as one on the stage, and you looked into her trusting eyes, you couldn't help but get emotional. 

As you cried, you hoped that no harm would come to your younger friend, but in the world you lived in, that wouldn't happen. It was the same world you grew up in, and you knew the world would to everything it could to break that little girl down. Rayul had a worried look in her eyes, but she kept dancing. At the end of the performance, you made sure to hug her tight apologizing in your head for all the hurt she would have to go through.

As Jeoghan watched you power through the performance with tears tracing lines down the contours of your face, he teared up. He was able to blink them back, but the camera caught his furrowed eyebrows and glinting eyes. Jeonghan was so used to you always being mature and competent that seeing your tears always managed to take him by surprise. Even then, Jeonghan couldn't stop the wobbly smile from slipping out at the fact that you still looked as fierce as ever on stage while crying. After the performance, he found you looking sadly at the mirror, and he back hugged you placing his chin on your shoulder. He would whisper words of praise and soft teasing into the crook of your neck

“You did as amazing as always love. Even crying through half the performance can’t stop your talent.”

Joshua

Song: I - Taeyeon

“But strong girl, you know you were born to fly Tears you’ve cried, all of the pain you’ve felt for the day you’ll fly even higher, It’s to prepare you. Butterfly, Everybody’s gonna see it soon”

You were fully prepared to cry, and you embraced the tears with open arms using them to make the performance more effective and sincere. The story of the song was one of losing and gaining. A story of a butterfly gaining enough courage and breaking free from the cocoon of pain trapping it to finally fly along the liberating expanse of the horizon. Throughout most of the performance you were dressed in oversized dark clothing until the last chorus came, and your backup dancers ripped away the somber clothing to reveal a more colorful outfit. 

As the song came to an ending, you reached your hands up to the sky when the backup dancers lifted you up, and you cried tears of happiness. Smiling brightly at the sky, you didn't mind the tears. You felt peaceful. After everything, you were still here. Still alive. Still smiling and laughing, and you weren't alone anymore. All the days on an empty stomach and all the late night dance practices weren't enough to rob you of your dreams. In the end, you were stronger and better. You were gently put down, and you smiled softly at the camera before disappearing backstage.

Joshua would have the fondest look in his eyes. Many fans would be making GIFs of the expression on his face because the moment was too sweet not to share and remember. Josh couldn't stop himself. He was just so proud. When he first met you, you were always cautious and scared of taking risks. As time progressed, trust in both yourself and what you do increased. You had come a long way, and he had been there for it all. He tried not to bring attention to himself, but he thought you deserved the standing ovation. Meeting you backstage he would smile at you as he walked towards you calling your name softly. He shrugged off his jacket wrapping it around your shoulders before tugging at the ends of it to bring you closer to him so he could place a kiss on your forehead. He would probably crack a lame joke. Or two...

“You really should be an actress babe, because you made half the stadium cry. The Oscars don't know what they're missing out on.”

Jun

Song: Home - Machine Gun Kelly X Ambassadors X Bebe Rexha

“Now tell me: how did all my dreams turn to nightmares? How did I lose it when I was right there? Now I'm so far that it feels like it's all gone to pieces Tell me why the world never fights fair I'm trying to find                                                                                                        Home A place where I can go To take this off my shoulders Someone take me home Someone take me”

This song was the result of a collaboration with Mark lee and Jackson Wang. You had all been sitting at the studio awkwardly with no ideas for songs until you bought up a common factor between the three of you. All of you were not from Korea with Jackson being from China, Mark being from Canada, and you coming from (country). Your nervous habit of spewing random facts in awkward situations ended up in your little group talking about all the homesickness and nights crying yourselves to sleep after having to say goodbye to your families. Which ultimately ended up in a song. All the memories of missing your families had to be dug up, but you were able to comfort each other through the song. The song ended up being such a hit that you guys were asked to perform it at an awards ceremony.

 You were a bit hesitant as first. Even releasing such a personal song was unnerving to you. Now you had to perform it? You had to sit yourself down and think about all the people in that audience who would find comfort in the song missing their homes or maybe still searching for one. You were able to pull through, but you hadn't been told they collected childhood pictures from all of you and were to display them on the back round set up. The song was already an emotional one, so when you turned around to a picture of yourself in your parent’s arms, you chocked up. At the end of the song the three of you met at the center of the stage, and Mark awkwardly pat your shoulder while Jackson put his arm around your shoulder tears also streaming down his face. You held the mic up to your mouth telling your parents you loved them before walking backstage with your arms on the boy’s shoulders and a peaceful smile on your face.

Jun would try hard to keep his tears at bay, but seeing his girlfriend cry while singing a song about trying to find home really did a number on him. Seeing the childhood pictures of you and the guys would make him remember his own infancy, and how much he missed his family and home some days. He tried to hide his tears from the camera by bowing his head, but he wanted to keep watching your performance. Jun never liked seeing you cry, but in that moment he understood just how much he really cared for you and how serious your relationship was. This was no normal “fling”. Seeing you backstage he would chuckle awkwardly wiping your tears away and trying to lighten up your mood.

“You send me a meme of myself crying to your song, and I won’t talk to you for three weeks. You just had to go and make an emotional song didn't you?”

Hoshi

Song: Black - Lee Hyori

“I dyed my hair to deny myself The red lipstick hid my pursed lips The thing that shook behind The colored lens It was me who didn’t want to be me”

Of course you knew what you were signing up when you decided to be an idol, but even all the years of training weren't enough to prepare you for the emotional toll it would have on you. Having to constantly put up a façade and be someone you’re not had led you astray and wandering down a path of identity confusion. You had come to rely too heavily on the dye, the contacts, the makeup, and the stage outfits. Sitting down to write this song, you were horrified at how you had been so eager to throw yourself away to appease someone who you had never met. How heavily you denied yourself in favor of “earning” the love of the industry. Someone can only take seeing a stranger in the mirror so many times.

You had sat down with your company talking about the idea for the song, and surprisingly, they agreed. Now standing on stage with millions of eyes on you, you felt free. You felt confident, like a weight had been taken off your shoulders. Your natural hair color flew along with you as you danced. Your eyes were your normal color, and the makeup on your face was natural. The stylists had even let you choose your own stage outfit. You knew the fans accepted you for the your idol self, but would they accept you for who the real you? For the first time in years, you didn't feel like a stranger to your own body and mind. That thought was what bought you over the edge, and soon, there were tears streaking down your face. 

Soonyoung would try being funny at first. When the camera came near him, he would solemnly shake his head pretending to wipe a tear away. But as your performance progressed and you started crying, his previous actions would come back to slap him in the face. Not only did he feel bad for joking around at your emotional stage, but he was now sobbing into Dokyeom’s shoulder. He was proud. You were finally putting your foot down after years of ignoring who you were under all the makeup and hair dye. After all the times he had told you the real you was just as important as who people want you to be, he was glad you had finally come to see the truth in his words. He saw you backstage looking into a mirror with worry etched all over your face. Wrapping his arms around your waist he would rest his forehead in the space between your shoulder blades trying to comfort you.

“You were absolutely perfect love. There’s no way they won’t accept you, and even if they don't what matters more is that you accept yourself”

Wonwoo

Song: Disappear - Eli 

“I've been feeling low, so low now Tryna do my best, don't know how Holding on to hope for life now But I become consumed with doubt, yeah Carrying the burdens of the world up on my shoulders Looking for the answers Maybe I'll know once I'm older”

You didn't make it to the first chorus before you broke down. You could hear you voice wavering from the mic, and you had to spend energy in stabilizing it as you danced the choreography. Tired was not enough to explain the overwhelming need to lie down and cry it out. Instead of waiting until you were backstage, you decided to let it all out as you performed. You were proud of being able to make music and make others happy, but you had forgotten how to make yourself happy. It seemed easier to disappear. If you disappeared there would be no expectations. No vile comments. No labels. No deadlines. You could be free of the burden of having to constantly seek out other’s validation. You remembered once being a hopeful girl with dreams bigger than people’s expectations.

 Now you were always shackled by doubts, and you felt weak for giving in to them. You tried your best to stand up against the voices of doubt and insecurity plaguing your mind, but instead you ended up feeding into them. You had sat yourself down multiple times asking yourself just when you held yourself to a lower standard than the voices in your head, but each time it ended in you hating yourself just a bit more. You were in a constant war with the negative thoughts circling around in your head, and you were tired of the never ending battle. As the song came to an end you let your knees give out falling to the floor as you backup dancers hid you from view of the camera, and you let out a sob that rang around the stadium.

The whole time as you performed, Wonwoo remained stone-faced. He was leaning forward elbows on his knees, and his hands grasped tightly together in front of his mouth. Although his hands did a good job of hiding his trembling lips, the camera still caught his clasped hands shaking and the turmoil swirling around in his dark eyes. Wonwoo was there with you through your good days and your bad days.  He had seen you hit rock bottom, but even with his heart shattering at each crack of your voice, he believed you were making progress. He believed you would be able to stand back up again, and he would be there for that too. When he heard your sob, he closed his eyes and winced as if it physically hurt him. Seeing you after the performance, he wouldn't say anything. He would tuck your face into his neck stroking your hair with sweet words whispered into the crown of your head.

“Just let it all out love, its alright. Don't worry about my shirt. You matter more than a piece of fabric, just let it all out. You were so brave”

Woozi

Song: Home Is Far Away - Epik High ft. Oh Hyuck

“I get more and more scared I'm running but my feet and heart forget why Dreams just become baggage now My only hope is to just leave it behind and run Rushing myself to take just one more step But when I looked up, I’m right in front of a cliff I look back and all these expectations are lined up behind me It pretends to support me but it’s pushing my back I wanted to place a comma in my heart some time”

You weren't used to doing this kind of performance. Especially at an award show. It was one of the simplest stages you've ever done. It was just you with a mic on a stage. No choreography, no props, and not even a mic stand. You supposed it made sense. You were not here to entertain. You were here to tell a story. It was not a story of finding home. It was the story of getting lost and straying away to wander a vile and cruel word. A story of not being able to find a way back and instead having to grow in a monstrous society. As you walked towards the center of the stage you straightened you gray bomber jacket paired with a white turtle neck, and you tugged at your black beanie touching the hollow of your neck to gain reassurance from your mother’s necklace. 

You made sure your clothes were as simple as possible. You wanted to appear as normal as possible. As human as possible. Staring out into the crowd, you cleared your throat and bought the mic up to your lips starting the song. You started strong, and you remained strong. Until you started one of the final verses. You were still lost. It felt like it had been so long since you left the safety of your comfort zone. You missed the person you used to be. You missed knowing who you were. You missed many things you would not know the comfort of for a long time. It started with you getting choked up. Then your vision blurred, tears hugging the corner of your eyes, and they slid down your cheek past your trembling lips to your jaw.

Jihoon had to bow his head every now and then to stop himself from getting too emotional. He would unconsciously nod his head at your lyrics relating to them. He teared up, but he wouldn't cry. His eyes would have a noticeable somber shine. He had actually been there when you were first producing the song, and he was also there when you were adding the final touches to it. He remembers with a heavy heart having to calm you down when you started worrying about whether the song was too personal and real or not. You worried you would get backlash for trying to be too personal with your fans, and he told you to stop thinking that way even helping you improve the song. Seeing you backstage, he wouldn't say much. He would stay by your side with your hand in his, and you leaning into him.

“It’s okay to cry y/n. You worked hard, and you did amazingly well”

DK

Song: Scars To Your Beautiful - Alessia Cara

“She has dreams to be an envy, so she's starving You know, covergirls eat nothing She says "beauty is pain and there's beauty in everything" "What's a little bit of hunger?" "I can go a little while longer," she fades away She don't see her perfect, she don't understand she's worth it Or that beauty goes deeper than the surface, oh, oh So to all the girls that's hurting, let me be your mirror Help you see a little bit clearer the light that shines within“

Although this performance was riddled with a deeper meaning, your outfit was still fun and colorful. With a white crop top, some ripped shorts, and some boots that went up to your knees. The most important, and difficult, part of your outfit was the pink blindfold that covered your eyes. You had to practice for weeks, and even then, some of the younger girls that would be dancing with you would help guide you across the stage when they needed to. Everything had been going fine and smoothly until the bridge of the song came on and a choir of young boys and girls sang along with you. You started tearing up, but no one could see it because of the blindfold. The song started to come to an end, and the girls led you to the center of the stage where they had set up a mirror.

 You took away the blindfold smiling brightly at yourself in the mirror. That's when the tears started slipping out no matter how much you blinked to hold them back because for once in your life, you didn't feel any repulsion at yourself looking at your reflection. You had dealt with the insecurities of almost every young girl your whole life. As if the numbers on the scale defined you, you came to starve yourself and pinch at the fat that seemingly clung to your body. It wasn't until you were an adult that you really started to come to terms with your body liking it just how it was. Smiling fondly at your reflection you bowed to the audience before walking off the stage.

Seokmin couldn't help the small smile that tugged at his lips at the sight of your performing. He would have a tender look etched on his face. Seokmin couldn't help but get a bit worried at you not being able to see as you danced, but a small part of him would feel prideful. Seeing your tears at the end of your performance even if you were smiling would be enough for a tear or two to slip out, but much like you, he was still smiling brightly. Being someone who was also riddled with insecurities his smile would falter a bit, but he also felt a sense of appreciation for you for having spoken about an issue many people struggled with. Seeing you after your performance, he would immediately take you into his arms joking around and laughing when you accidentally tripped on his foot almost sending both of you crashing to your ground. 

“I can't believe- how did you trip with clear vision, but you didn't trip on stage with that blindfold on huh?? Are you living in some kind up reverse world- Yah!! Don't walk away from me young lady”

Mingyu

Song: Human - Zico

“I keep lowering my head these days When did I last look up to the sky? The blurred world is filled with dust Because people like me struggled, yeah We always say, later, for the later Without my skipped birthdays I’m still in my teens As I grow old, I'm afraid of imagination A slide starts to look like a hill”

It was safe to say you were mad. Fuming. Enraged. Or as other people would call it, “acting problematic”. You were angry and tired of people constantly thinking they could define you, or that they had any say on how you should live your life. There was always something wrong with you, and you were exhausted of always having to change yourself for other’s standards on what they thought was best for you. You found yourself living a life you came to hate because other people were always telling you who should be. You came to forget the person you wanted to be. You always kept your mouth shut and your head lowered staying quiet when people tried defining who you were, but you had enough of it.

 You firmly told yourself things would get better if you just put up with it, but they never did. You put your foot down. You just wanted your life back. Now you had been invited to perform the song at an award show, and although the song was set in a melancholy song, you found yourself feeling absolutely livid. Your hands were trapped in shackles and throughout the whole performance your eyebrows were furrowed, and your face held a bitter expression. When you cried, they weren't tears of sadness. They were tears of frustration. At the end of the song you shook your shackled wrists and broke the shackles glaring at the camera before walking off the stage.

Mingyu’s lips would tug upwards when he first saw you on stage, but he would immediately purse his lips when he realized what song you were performing. He knew how much the song meant to you, especially when he had seen how much you had lost yourself in the battle between who others wanted you to be and who you wanted to be. He knew how much you had doubted yourself, and he had always tried to cheer you up, but he knew you could never be happy until you started focusing on what you wanted for yourself. Ever since you had written the song, confidence in yourself had surged and the foundation of faith in yourself and what you could do was stronger than ever. Mingyu had even given you the nickname “firecracker”. Seeing your tears and your cold eyes he would feel like his air supply was cut off because you were upset, and he wasn't there to help you. Seeing you backstage and would grasp both your hands in his and sincerely look into your eyes trying to comfort you.

“You’re free now firecracker, they can't control you anymore because you won’t let them. You've come so far, and I couldn't be prouder angel.

The8

Song: Broken - Anson Seabra 

“Am I broken? Am I flawed? Do I deserve a shred of worth or am I just another fake, fucked up lost cause? And am I human? Or am I something else? 'Cause I'm so scared and there's no one there To save me from the nightmare that I call myself”

You were horrified. Your fans and Minghao knew you would be releasing a new song. They just thought it would be one of your usual songs. A happy and bubbly song with an energetic choreo. This song was far from happy, and it would be released at the same time you were performing it, so people could be surprised instead of already knowing what to expect. This would be a water performance too, and the choreography was the first contemporary dance you would do for one of your title tracks. The dance was more anguished and solemn than any of your other choreographies.  The whole reason you were turning a new leaf was because you hadn't been feeling like yourself lately. When you were once so sure of yourself, you had begun questioning yourself.

 You felt numb. Some days you couldn't feel anything. Not the warmth of happiness in your chest. No sadness to burden your heart. No anger to cloud your mind. It was always just empty. You began to feel like someone less than human because with an empty heart and soul, what were you? You were also nervous because with how hectic your schedules had been, you didn't have a chance to tell Minghao you weren't feeling mentally well, and you knew he wouldn't be too happy finding out like this. As the performance ended, you fell to your knees grasping at your neck and breathing raggedly. You couldn't help but cry feeling helpless and acting like you were drowning before letting your body fall into the water. The stadium went dark giving you a chance to run backstage.

Minghao would shift in his seat slightly leaning forward when he noticed you were performing. His features softened slightly at first glance, but his eyebrows would furrow and his eyes would narrow when he noticed this song was vastly different than any of your previous works. He would realize the sad situation you were in that he was seemingly was too busy to take notice of. The cameras would catch the corners of his lips curled down and the shaking of his head. Although he looked pissed off on the outside, he was panicking on the inside. When he saw the tears making their way down your face and your body fall, the only thing he could think of was being there to catch you. He wouldn't hesitate to make his way backstage immediately after the lights he went out. Upon seeing you he could bring your face into the crook of his neck lowly murmuring comforting words into your ear.

“No matter how many times you fall, I'll catch you. No matter how many times you cry, I'll cry with you. No matter how many times you laugh, I'll laugh with you. I will always have your back, just let me in.”

Seungkwan

Song: She’s In The Rain - The Rose

“She’s in the rain You wanna hurt yourself I’ll stay with you You wanna make yourself go through the pain It’s better to be held than holding on No whoa“

The stage was a bit uncomfortable, but you were willing to sacrifice a bit of your comfort if it meant performing a song many needed to hear. Before going on stage, the stylists had soaked your stage outfit in water to make it look like you had been the victim of a harsh downpour making the clothes stick to your skin. They has also made your hair look like it was wet, and your makeup was a bit smudged around the edges of your eyes. You had fun with the choreography since it included an umbrella, but you were more focused on singing the song hoping you could deliver the message of the song clearly and efficiently. The making of the song was centered around making people understand it was okay to rely and confide on others. You knew how tiring it was to go through bad days without anyone to hold your hand through it.

 You believed you would come out of it stronger if you handled your demons alone, but at the end of the day it left you exhausted. You had been one of those people once. Then you met Seungkwan, and he managed to worm his loud jokester self into your heart. When he witnessed you having a break down, you fought him when he tried hugging you, but you eventually let yourself get comforted by him. It started with Seungkwan, and eventually you were letting yourself lean on people when it got particularly hard. As the song came to an end, you clutched your umbrella knowing people in that crowd were struggling. You cried unapologetically hoping they would find someone reliable to fall back on, before you covered your face with the umbrella and walking off the stage sniffling and trying to control your tears.

Seungkwan already knew what song you would be performing, and while getting his hair done, he had repeatedly told himself he wouldn't cry. All the members had rolled their eyes because everyone knew he would be bawling by the end of the night. Indeed, the minute he saw any form of sadness on your face, he himself burst into tears. He was quick to wipe them, but more always replaced them. Seungkwan really did try controlling himself, but as he thought of how much you had grown and how you were encouraging people to do the same, he couldn't handle the emotions now crashing over him like a tidal wave. Seeing you after the performance, he would whine and playfully fight with you while cradling your face.

“You know my ugly crying isn't something anyone should see. Why would you make me that emotional. I can't believe I just cried in front of thousands of people- are you laughing at me right now?!”

Vernon

Song: You Don't Know What It’s like - Katelyn Tarver

“Let me just stop trying Let me just stop fighting I don't want your good advice Or reasons why I'm alright You don't know what it's like You don't know what it's like Don't look at me like that Just like you understand Don't try to pull me back” 

At first you had strongly opposed the stylists wanting you to go on stage practically bare faced. If you went on that stage with little to no makeup, people would be able to see how much color your face had lost and the dark bags currently residing under your eyes. Sitting in front of the mirror, you jokingly thought you looked like a zombie. Thinking about it more seriously, you realized just how miserable you looked. You eventually ended up agreeing with the stylists, because you had a message to give. You were so tired of people telling you it was just a phase whenever you were upset. Sometimes you wanted to be not okay, and you wanted to let it all out so could return to your usual self eventually.

 People always seemed to catch you at your worst moments, and they always wanted to sit you down and force you out of your upset stage. Telling you all the reasons you had to smile while the reasons you had to cry chaotically bumped around in your head. Why couldn't they just be there for you as you calmed yourself down? Why were they so hell bent on giving you advice that flew in one ear and out the other? Those questions rang around your head making tears spring out of your eyes. You walked off the stage with your head bent, and your hand grasped to your mouth as if trying to control the sobs echoing around in your chest.

Hansol already knew what song you were performing, but he couldn't have known how exactly you were going to execute the stage. When he saw you appear with no makeup, his eyes would widen a bit. The glumness on your face would be clearly visible. The cameras caught him visibly deflate as he took in your solemn and exhausted appearance. When he caught sight of your tears his lips would part a bit, and he looked shock because “oh my god, my s/o is crying, and I can't do anything about it right now”. Then his eyebrows furrowed and his expression would change from shocked to melancholy. He would walk briskly backstage to your waiting room seeing you sitting in a cough with your head in your hands. Sitting beside you silently, he would rest a hand on your knee and lean his head on your shoulder trying to comfort you as much as he could.

“I’m here love, no matter what, I’m here. Just hold my hand for now, tomorrow will be a better and brighter day. I’ll make sure of it.”

Dino

Song: The Day Before - Nell

“At first, I hated you a lot. I cried a lot too But after being like that for a while I wondered what in the world I was doing

Actually, it’s like this. What use is it to hold onto something that is scattering? Only the heart will hurt more But again I wonder, what is The purpose of living like this?”

You wanted to hate them so badly. When you first heard of the news, it was anger that came before sadness and grief. Anger because after all the promises and late nights talking, they left you. They left this life and with that they left you. You didn't think it was fair. You got to live and wake up every day, and they didn't. No one had ever known you had a brother, and they probably never will. After spending all your days crying and lamenting what could have been, you had to step back and take a good look at yourself because you knew no matter how many times you cried or screamed angry words at his picture, it wouldn't bring him back.

 You realized the more you tried to hold on to someone that wasn't here anymore, the more pain you put yourself though. You had to accept his departure, and you just had to hope he was happy wherever he was. You didn't want to live a life where you spent all your time wasting time and energy in something that would only tear you down in the long run. Standing on stage you let slip a small smile as you saw a sea of many light sticks waving to the melody of your song. With the song coming to an end, you imagined his smiling face deciding it would be the last time you cried for him. When you did cry, it felt like a weight had been taken from your shoulders. 

Chan would hear what song you were performing, and his heart would claw up to his throat. He was sitting right next to you while you were writing the song with angry tears as you stared ruefully at the computer screen. Watching you cry almost every day, he knew you would eventually get better, but back then, watching you struggle to keep your tears at bay on a daily basis was one of the hardest things he’s ever had to do. He was tense the whole performance worried you wouldn't be able to handle singing the song. Then he saw you let out a little smile as the song ended. You had never once smiled while crying for him. He knew, that you had let him go. Now that you were at peace, so was Chan. Meeting you backstage, he was a bit hesitant, but seeing you smile brightly at him, and he would smile right back hugging you tightly.

“You've cried enough the last few days for a lifetime don't you think so babe? Let’s go eat, food cheers everyone up”

[thymetowrite26]

i’m four an i live in the country, we know all the neighbors

i can go out front alone and climb the trees

i’m five and i live in the city, everyone’s a stranger

i’m told to stay inside because it’s dangerous for me

i’m six and i still can’t go outside without constant supervision

i watch as the little boys shout in the street

they look so happy

the windows are getting dirty

i’m 7 and i’m told that taylor swift and pink and dresses are “girly”

i learn that that’s a bad thing

i stop wearing dresses

i’m 8 and watching my dad tell my brother to stop acting like a girl

he says to stop crying like a girl, don’t throw like a girl

at 8 i learn that a girl is the thing nobody wants to be

i’ve reached 9, and a group of boys is bullying me

they pinch and they pull my hair, and they say mean things

i tell my mom when i get home from school; she smiles

she tells me that if they hurt me, the must like me

at 9 years old i’m taught that if someone cares for you they hurt you, and it’s okay

i’m 10 and i’ve started at a new school

we have to wear uniforms here, the girls can wear a skirt

i don’t own a skirt, but it gets hot in the summer

the girls are pulled out and told to cover up

we shouldn’t dare to distract the boys

i’m 11 and starting to grow

my legs are long and gangly, i always feel uncomfortable

my skirt doesn’t reach my knees today

i’m told to come to the office

i miss the whole day of school waiting in the nurse’s office

i’m 13 and slap ass friday is the next big thing

i’m uncomfortable, but i’m told i should be grateful for the attention

that means they notice me

that’s good, right?

i’m 14 and i’ve moved schools again

i have to walk home now, but i at least i walk through a good public neighborhood

it’s winter, i wear jeans and a jacket

two men drive by me in their truck and whistle at me, and then bark

i’m 14 and i learn that i’m nothing but an animal

i’m 15, and another boy has asked me for nudes

i tell him i don’t want to

he calls me a prude, says i hurt him

at 15, i now know that my only purpose is to give gratification to others

16, the year of cars and parties

people don’t talk to me, i’m the weird girl without a boyfriend

i’m quiet, i don’t talk back

i’m always anxious, and i people make me nervous

but hey, at least i’m not confident

because everyone knows that a confident girl is really just a bitch

i’m 17, and i wore a skirt comfortably for the first time in years

there’s pink in my closet, and i laugh out loud again

i learned to make friends with guys

they didn’t put me in the fuck zone, i think i like being able to be in the friend zone

i’m 17 and i’m starting to learn that everything that i was taught not to be

was just because they wouldn’t have been able to handle me