#she should really get better problem solving abilities and think about herself for once

[tulipsnflowers]

They surely have to have something of her as well, you know?

[calliecwrites]

Shifter HRT, part 2 – The Appointment

I’m there. The appointment that determines everything. The first time I’ve knowingly met a shifter face-to-face – even if she is a notorious gatekeeper.

She’s been questioning me for a while already. But her latest question just makes me grimace. I don’t think she’s taking me seriously.

“I already have to put up with prejudice,” I say. “I’m trans.”

“This isn’t the same,” she says. “You think this is the same? Do you have any idea how humans treat us?”

“Yes,” I say, “and it is the same.”

Her cables twitch, like a cat’s tail when it’s agitated. She’s in robot form, all sharp edges and wires, and her voice is tinny. I’d heard she doesn’t like being humanoid, and this is as close as she’ll go, but did she have to make herself look so intimidating? Unless she’s doing it on purpose—

“I think you just want to solve your gender problems,” she declares. “I’ve seen it all before. There are human ways to do that. Get hormones. Get surgery.”

“I’m already doing all that,” I say. “This is more—”

She cuts me off. “You’d stay in human form most of the time anyway, wouldn’t you? – I know your type. Why waste our gifts on you? You’re just a desperate human trying to solve your human problems. You demean us by being here.”

“No!” I say. “I think about this all the time. I dream about it—”

“Not good enough.”

“It hurts so much, knowing there are people like this and I’m not—”

“Not good enough!”

“I need this – I’ve always needed this—”

“Not good enough! Not good enough! Not good enough!”

She’s risen up on her cables, filling the room. I back away. If she would just give me a chance to explain!

“Why would you want to be like us at all?” she roars. “Why would you give up your humanity? Why should I give you anything, you disgusting bag of meat?”

“Because it’s what I am!” I yell. “In here!” I point at my heart. “I’m not giving up anything! Fluidity – change – the ability to be anything— One fixed form isn’t enough. It could never be enough. You don’t know what it’s like, being stuck— You can give me what I need. What right do you have to say no? You want to know why? – there is no why! This is what I am!”

* * *

Silence. After a while, she nods.

“And so we get to the truth of it,” she says, all the anger gone. She smiles. I blink away tears. She sinks back down, and somehow all the lines of her body soften. “Maybe you aren’t so human after all. Not in any way that matters.”

She twines her cables together into a hand, and holds it out to me.

“We can work with that,” she says.

She’s saying yes?

I take her hand. But I’m still reeling. If it’s truth she wants: “You did this on purpose!” I accuse. “You were trying to make me angry. You didn’t have to say those horrible things.”

She only shrugs. “Would we have got to the core of it if I was being nice?”

Then, on a flash of intuition: “You’d already decided, hadn’t you? This was just one more test.”

“We know what to look for,” she admits. “You would never have got this far if we weren’t confident, based on what you’d already said. But we had to know how you would react under pressure. If you had backed down, what would that say?”

I shake my head. What if I’d been having a bad day, and hadn’t had the energy to argue?

But she just smiles again. “My colleague outside will give you your medication. Next time we meet, I hope, will be on better terms. Sister.”

I leave. I did it! But when I’m a shifter – and I get to say that now, I really get to say that! – I promise myself I won’t hoard what we have. I won’t be as callous as her.

First | Previous | Next

This is the part that inspired the entire story. I had a dream like this, once, where I had to defend my right to be a shifter from someone horrible. Yes, it was a trans allegory, yes, I was imagining having to defend myself from terfs – but I was surprised by just how strongly I felt what I was saying. I yelled that last 'this is what I am' so hard I woke myself up...

...and the rest of the story grew from there!

Tag list (tell me if you want to be added):

@aiden-nevada @avery-victoria-winterlight @leahnardo-da-veggie @mint-and-authoress @sandyca5tle

@scrubbinn @wuwojiti

[miss-littevi]

I'm sending twoooo questions, for anyone you want to answer for!

Does your OC have a Best Friend? If they do then how long have they known each other and how did they meet? If they don't then do they have a close group of friends they love equally? Or are they more of a loner?

Which of your OC's qualities makes them the most proud? Do they think more people should be like them in this regard? Or do they quite like being rare in possessing it?

Thank you for the questions <3 And the answers are in :-)

Disclaimer: I am always tempted to answer all questions for Yorina (because she is my “main OC” and I love her) but there are questions that are kinda boring for her so I’ll answer the first one for both ^^

1) Best friend (for Yorina)

Yorina is more of a loner. She had a group of close friends earlier in her life but since she lost them, she didn’t call anyone “Best Friend” again. Estinien is a strong contestant for that title but since their friendship has the feeling of only has evolved because of the Dragon-/Dragoon-powers and some supernatural effect they can’t control, she refuses to call him “best friend”

1) Best friend (for Ilmie)

Ilmie has a best friend in Gridania with the name of Ivrianne. They know each other for about 3 years as of the End of Endwalker (depending on how you count the time passing with the weird time-bubble we have in XIV, I count approx. 2 years per expansion)

Ivrianne is one of Guydelot’s older sisters and the two women met when Ilmie was invited by Guydelot’s parents for the first time and Ivrianne was around too. At first, Ilmie found it difficult to come to terms with Ivrianne's outwardly very calm but behind the facade quite chatty, sometimes cynical nature, but once she knew her better, they became close friends.

Some might call them the “Gridania Gossip Girls”, and even though it isn’t entirely wrong, they are never malicious in their gossip – just… exchanging news ^^

2) Qualities that makes them the most proud (for Yorina)

Yorina usually doesn’t think too much about what makes her better than others but one thing she is really proud of about herself is her ability to solve complex problems reliably and relatively fast. She can focus her mind / thoughts into some sort of tunnel and analyze a problem for hours without getting distracted.

The scientist side of her would love if there would be more people with a mind that can work as focused as her mind can, because it would make problem solving so much easier and faster, but the non-scientist side of her knows how unhealthy this behavior is. She knows how many problems she has with her body after hours and days of focused work when even thirst or hunger can not pull her out of the “tunnel” - and she wouldn’t wish that for other people. But for herself, she likes having this quality and she wouldn’t have it any other way.

[gay-saltasaurus]

Ok so I just finished replaying BOTW post TOTK. Not a super detailed replay, just main quests and some of the larger side content.

Now that both are fresh in my mind...what the fuck.

I am legitimately kind of terrified of the team working on these games, they might be too powerful. How did they do this. How the fuck did they manage to hit it out of the park, then come back a few years later to hit it out of the solar system. So many big games are released half finished (looking at you Pokemon), and it would have been so easy to do a cash grab sequel. So many assets, systems, and minor sidequests were reused, as expected, but instead of just making botw+, they went in 100% to build somthing huge on the impressuve foundation they already had. As someone who works in games, I can't stress enough how so many people, in so many disciplines, had to be working at the top of their game for years to pull this off twice. Nintendo also deserves praise for giving the developers the time they needed to go above and beyond (this should be standard, but unfortunately the actual standard is to drive developers to make as much money as possible as fast and as cheaply as possible).

Replaying botw really highlighted how much totk was able to improve. Botw gave the player multiple ways to solve every problem, but the Zonai devices and new abilities make the solutions practically infinite, while somehow still making things challenging. The new abilities also feel more usefull, I think I only used cryonis twice outside of shrines.

There's also the little quality of life changes. I seriously missed being able to drop weapons from the hotbar, swap out an item after opening a chest, easily switch between inventory tabs, the little things that really streamline gameplay.

Totk's story is also made a lot stronger by botw's foundation. Everyone's already talked about botw's loneliness vs totk's theme of connection. But botw also creates emotional connections that totk builds on. Tarrey Town, the construction in Castle Town, the fucking Hateno house. It's similar to the environmental storytelling in botw. And despite Link's Tony Hawk syndrome, you know these npcs. You knew the Hateno kids when they were toddlers. You get to see the people you've met thriving. You know exactly what you're fighting for.

Botw tok a minute to get me emotionally invested in saving Zelda. "Yeah save the princess, I know the drill. You've seen one Zelda you've seen them all." At first I just expected her personality would be improved from Girl to Smart Girl. Then I saw the memory of her trying to force feed Link a live frog and instantly decided I would die for this character, and needed to save her asap. She's a full fledged character with an actual arc across games! And I love her! Yes there are things that could be better, the self sacrifice and not getting to do much in the actual game is an issue, but for what we got I'm pretty pleased with it. Botw got me invested, and totk used that to maximum effect. I saved a lot of the side content because I wanted to know where Zelda was, then when I found out I just couldn't get invested in sidequests because SHE HAS BEEN UP THERE BY HERSELF FOR 10,000 YEARS HOLD ON BABYGIRL IM COMING WE'RE GONNA GET YOU DOWN SOMEHOW.

So with Totk being so good, I have to wonder what's next. First, everyone who worked on this should get a vacation and a raise. And some awards. But after that, I think it might be possible to make this a trilogy. I have no idea where you could go from here, but that's what I thought after botw and look how that turned out. But if the team feels like they're done with this iteration of Hyrule, this is a perfectly good stopping point. There is just one thing I need first. Whether it's in a sequel or a major dlc. I need this Zelda. To not be having a terrible time. Just once. I know saving Zelda is the whole thing for this series, but my god she has been through enough. Just let me go on an adventure with her. You have the technology from the sage avatars. Or if that's too much, let me go in an adventure while she hangs out with Purah or something. Nintendo I'm begging you.

HOLY FUCK THIS IS SO LONG

[ramshacklestar]

Yuu nodded in agreement never having believed herself particularly hard to get along with, she was simply the quiet type prior to entering twisted wonderland leaving her with something of a snooty reputation in her own world. It was amazing how she fit in somewhere where she was a literal enigma in comparison to her own world, but that was hardly a concern at the moment as her priorities were now locked onto someone else and ensuring they had a comfortable living amongst students who idolized those deemed villainous.

“Oh yes, very much so. The students here use it for everything too, it’s as though the concept of using magic to solve all problems is second nature to them.” They had even still stared at Yuu like she was the crazy one when manually cleaning or taking potions and books off shelves; after a moment they would remember she wasn’t magic and not be as surprised but just once Yuu would like to see many stripped of their magic and needing to live as a normal person. A part of her was relatively certain such a feat was possible, but the issue remained of would she really be satisfied to watch the others struggle or would the guilt eat her alive?

However as Akira went on Yuu couldn’t help but think of her own past, her top teeth coming down on her bottom lip in effort to repress the urge of claiming that neither one was particularly enjoyable. She had been ignored by many in her own world people either not approaching cause they believed some reputation was factual or because they simply wanted nothing to do with the orphan girl in effort to protect their own reputation. Some still had approached her but their pitying looks left her feeling sour and she had expressed on many occasions that she hadn’t wanted pity but just friendship. Her past though was a secret to those of this world, and she hadn’t wanted to spill anything lest prying ears catch wind and her home situation is used as some sort of blackmail to get her to do something potentially humiliating.

“It’s still rude whether it’s normal or not, if someone has something to say it’s better they express it than speak behind your back and make rumors fly.” One particular rumor was floating around about Yuu herself, but it wasn’t anything too concerning, simply that of she wasn’t doing well in classes. It made her wonder for awhile if it truly was still a rumor if it was in fact a truth.

“On another note at least, when you find that place you fit in it is really nice. The other freshmen are also a little odd I must admit but they’ll always have your back at least, and well there’s not much I can do either but if anyone gives you trouble just let me know and I can say something too.” It’d result in her being pushed around more probably, but she’d grown used to it at this point anyway. “Ah, I should ask though, is your ability to retain new information pretty good? It helps a lot in magic history and alchemy to be and flunking out is something Crowley has expressed as possible to me a few times.”

Akira offers Yuu a smile once their introductions were done properly, "It's a pleasure, I hope we get along."

She would have to adapt to this world, all the while either waiting for a way to return back home or find it herself. Akira manages to school a calm expression as she listens to Yuu. Her eyes do widen at the mention of 'magic' before letting a frown appear on her face.

"So...Magic is real here?"

She had faintly recalled seeing things floating, but she chalked it up to exhaustion and seeing things. If that was the case, maybe she could see if her abilities from back home came over or were in some way shaped to fit into this new world.

"And uh...Don't worry. Stares are normal for me, so don't worry about me okay Yuu?" And being ignored?

That was actually a blessing for her after a full year of rumors, "If it's not too much trouble, no rush or anything. Could you maybe tell me what to look out for while I'm a student here?"

[howlingday]

tragic backstory (tm) au) jaune arc is probably the best fighter in beacon, at least in raw stats, his ability to reach avalon his aura and his natural build and the exersize he put on top of it make him a far better conditioned fighter than even professional huntsmen, here's the issue, jaune doesn't have a killer's mentality, he hesitates, it's human but the world doesn't need human. it needs a hero....

this is all unrelated to the story of the day though because right now jaune's more worried about getting a new game that just came out but he's already spent all his money for the month, if only there was a way to make money, perhaps some sort of exchange for labor? but who would do such a thing?

why is neo waving around that cash? (neo gives jaune ome jobs as n enforcer to try and build up his bloodlust, cinder approves thinking it will help him learn to fight better)

Mussels For Brains

Jaune Arc is broke. Thankfully, this doesn't affect his education, since Beacon asks for nothing from their students beyond the entry fee (of about 10,000 Lien). However, Jaune was advised by one of the professors to look into purchasing a "Will of Embers" game, a tactical, turn-based RPG strategy game that tests your problem solving and critical thinking skills. He decided to purchase the recent release, but winced at the price. If only he had a way to make enough money before classes start on Monday.

Jaune: (Gulps) Do I really have to do this?

Cinder: Yes, you do. Neo was kind enough to offer you both a well paying job and a training opportunity all at once, so you should be grateful.

Jaune: I am, but, well, you haven't told me what the job is.

Cinder: Because it's not my place to tell you. Neo?

Neo: (Points at Jaune, Flexes)

Cinder: She needs someone strong...

Neo: (Hugs herself, Swoons)

Cinder: To act as her bodyguard...

Neo: (Punches her palm, Wrenches her hands on top of one another)

Cinder: And her enforcer, should the need arise.

Jaune: This sounds like some shady, criminal stuff.

Cinder: Are you questioning my-

Neo: (Holds up her hand, Pulls out her scroll)

Jaune: Huh? What's that?

Neo: (Taps on her scroll, Flips it around with a smile)

Jaune: HOW DID YOU-?! Alright, alright! Fine! But I'm not going to hurt anyone!

Neo: (Puts away her scroll)

Jaune: And you're okay with her blackmailing me?

Cinder: Blackmail? Whatever do you mean? All I saw was a picture of you, next to polite-looking gentleman, signing some documents.

Jaune: (Sighs) I just can't catch a break can I?

Neo: (Holds up ten fingers)

Jaune: Ten... Ten o'clock?

Neo: (Nods, Points to her C-shaped hand)

Jaune: Next... Moon... Tomorrow night?!

Neo: (Nods)

Jaune: But classes start on Monday!

Cinder: Then you'd better get your rest, Mr. Arc, because Neo doesn't allow slackers in her class.

Neo: (Wicked grin, Drags her thumb across her neck)

Jaune: (Gulps)

Nora: Jaune, where are you going?

Jaune: Uh, out?

Nora: On a Sunday night?

Jaune: Um, yeah?

Pyrrha: Jaune, is everything okay? It isn't Cardin again, is it?

Jaune: No, no, it's not Cardin!

Ren: Is it something we can help with?

Jaune: No, you guys just get some rest. I'll be back in time for class.

Mercury: Whatever you say, boss. (Jaune leaves) ...Okay, who's going to follow him?

Pyrrha: What do you mean?

Mercury: Your partner just left in the middle of the night. You don't think that's suspicious?

Nora: He's done it before.

Pyrrha: And everything turned out fine in the end.

Ren: Jaune may not be the best fighter at Beacon, or on our team-

Nora: Debatable.

Ren: But he's our friend, and we trust him to do what he needs to

Mercury: ...Alright! (Lays down) Make sure you hit the lights, would ya?

Ren: (Flicks the switch, Whispers) He doesn't even care.

Pyrrha: (Whispers) He's still adjusting to the team. Give him time.

Ren: Very well. But how jaded is Shade Academy if they don't care about their own teams?

Jaune: (Knocking) Neo? Are you here?

Roman: (Opens the door) Hey, kid! How've ya been?

Jaune: Um, good?

Roman: Staying strong?

Jaune: I guess?

Roman: Been hitting the books?

Jaune: Uh, yeah?

Roman: So, you're togh and you've got brains! (Grabs his collar) Or at least that's what I thought until you knocked on my door, blowing my cover!

Jaune: I-I'm sorry! I didn't think-!

Roman: And that's your biggest problem! You don't think! (Raises his hand) Why, I have half a mind to-!

Neo: (Taps the floor with Hush, Struts towards Roman)

Roman: Oh, Miss Neo! I'm glad to see y-

Neo: (Taps his face with Hush's handle, Glares at Roman)

Roman: Y-Yes, Miss Neo! Right away! (Backs out of the room)

Jaune: Uh, so, Neo, what are we-

Neo: (Puts a finger to his lips, Points to her eyes)

Jaune: (Nods)

Neo: (Tugs her ear, Turns and curls her finger)

Jaune: (Follows)

Roman: Enjoy tonight, boys! We get the night off.

Thug: Uh, boss, isn't Neo in charge?

Roman: Well, yes, and no. See, Neo has this planned out. She drags junior along in there, we kick back and pretend she's in charge, then we get another favor from Beacon. Soon as the sun comes up, I'm in charge.

Thug: Oh. So, if Neo's the boss, what do we do if there's trouble? I can't tell what she's saying- Er, well...

Roman: Relax! Just follow my lead, and we'll all be alive come sunrise.

Jaune: I've never been to this side of town. There's a lot of people here, though.

???: Hey, handsome.

Jaune: Oh, hello.

???: Why don't you drop baby girl here at a daycare, then momma can show you how a real woman feels~!

Jaune: Oh, wow, I, uh-

Neo: (Glares, Drags Jaune away)

Jaune: Oh, wow, I've never- (Slapped) Ow! Why'd you- (Slapped) Okay, I'm sorry! I won't talk to strangers!

Neo: (Pulls Jaune to her eye level, Points down the street, Points to his crotch, Unsheathes then slams Hush shut)

Jaune: (Winces, Nods furiously)

Neo: (Nods, Leads Jaune inside)

Jaune: (Thinking) This music is throbbing. This sounds like something Yang would dance to. Is the DJ dressed like a bear?

Neo: (Taps the counter)

Junior: (Walks up) What do you want, Neo?

Neo: (Points to Jaune)

Junior: Oh, new blood, huh? Well, lucky for him, the twins aren't in right now. You know how much they like blondes.

Neo: (Rolls her eyes, Taps the counter twice)

Junior: Two freezer-burns coming right up.

Jaune: What is this place, Neo?

Junior: This is Junior's Bar, kid. Junior Xiong, owner and founder.

Jaune: Jaune, Jaune Arc.

Junior: Jaune, huh? I've heard a lot about you.

Jaune: I doubt any of it's true.

Junior: Well, why don't you have a drink and tell me the real story?

Jaune: That sounds good. Uh, I'll have-

Junior: (Slides a shot glass to him) A freezer-burn. Courtesy of your date there.

Neo: (Holds up her glass)

Jaune: Uh...

Junior: She wants you to cheers her.

Jaune: Oh, uh, go for it, Neo!

Junior: Cheers as in clink your glasses, kid. Like a toast.

Jaune: Oh! (Grabs his drink) Uh, to, uh, a good future!

Neo: (Giggles, Downs her glass)

Jaune: (Sips, Coughs) Agh! That's just... hot!

Junior: It's a shot, kid, not a sippy-cut. Knock it- Drink the whole thing at once.

Jaune: (Downs the whole thing, Coughs and hacks) Oh my- (Coughs) My throat is on fire!

Junior: Yeah, that tends to happen. So, where you from Jaune?

Jaune: Ansel. I lived there until I came to Beacon.

Junior: No crazy adventures in between?

Jaune: Nothing nobody else did.

Junior: Huh, well, that's a disappointment.

Jaune: My dad says that's normal.

Junior: Dad was hard on you?

Jaune: Not too bad. My mom pretty much coddled me since I could walk, even when more than my sisters got.

Junior: You ever ask why?

Jaune: Yeah, once. Apparently, I went missing for almost a year. I don't remember any of it, but she said she didn't want to lose me again.

Junior: Your mom sounds like a heck of a woman. You should be grateful for her.

Jaune: I am, thanks.

Junior: (Looks past Jaune) Speaking of moms... Look, kid, why don't you drop by next weekend? I got business to take care of in the back, and it could take all night. Here, (Reaches into his pocket, Pulls out a card with a little bear) give me a call before you drop by. I might have something for ya.

Jaune: Oh, alright. (Takes the card) Thanks! (Walks away with Neo) Where to now?

Junior: Alright, buddy, I'll make this simple. You talk, I listen. I talk, you listen. I ask, you answer. You ask-

Mama Bear: Mama breaks your fingers.

Junior: Now, answer me, (Pulls off the mask) why is a sky pirate in my bar?

Mercury: (Laying in bed, Thinking) Sounds like they're asleep. Okay, time to get up. (Swings out of bed, Slips out the door) Alright, Jaune, (Pulls out his scroll, Looks at blinking, red dot on the screeen) where the hell did Neo take you?

Pyrrha: I told you.

Ren: I never doubted you.

Nora: (Snoring) Papa Bear...

Jaune: So, what are we doing at the-

Neo: (Puts a finger to his lips, Hugs the wall)

Jaune: (Hugs the wall, Follows Neo)

???: Any word on Tukson's place?

Thug: Nuthin' yet. Lot of folks are tryin' to get it, too.

???: Well, of course they are! They know what that dump is really worth.

Thug: About 4 thousand, right?

???: Not money, you idiot! That place is in spitting distance of everything! The bars, the shops, and even the docks! You'd be a moron not to reach for it!

Jaune: (Whispers) What's going on, Neo? (Looks down) Neo? (Pushed into the open, Shouts) Woah!

???: Hey, who's this guy?

Jaune: Who, me? Uh, nobody! Just passing by, through the docks, alone, at midnight!

???: Uh-huh, and who the hell is she?

Jaune: Huh, who- MINT?!

Neo: (Disguised as Mint, Covers her mouth in "shock")

Thug: Looks like some lovers on a midnight stroll.

???: Well, we don't want to interrupt your date, (Points a flintlock pistol at the two) So hand over yer goods 'n we'll let you go.

Jaune: Look, we don't want any trouble. I'm broke, so-

???: So we'll just take her instead! Grab 'er!

Thug: (Grabs Neo, Pulls her to their side)

Jaune: Hey! Let her go!

???: (Points pistol at her head) Kid, unless the next words out of yer mouth are "I have yer cash," I don't wanna hear it. 'Course, if you leave her, she might be good 'nuff compensation.

Jaune: W-What?! I'm not gonna-

???: (Clicks) Ah ah ah... Clock's ticking. (Nods to his thug) Hey, hold her still. I'm gonna see if I can find something worth my time. (Holds barrel to Neo's neck, Pats her pockets)

Jaune: (Opens his mouth, Shuts it)

Neo: (Pouting face, Doe eyes)

Jaune: (Thinking) I can't rush in. Not while he has that gun to her, and his friend is looking right at me; any sudden moves, and Neo could get hurt. What should I-?

???: Mm, nice and firm.

Jaune: (Sees Neo getting groped, Neo looks away with embarrassment)

???: Wassamatta, sweetie? Boyo never gave you what you like? Well, don't worry. If he won't bring us the goods, I'll give you some of mine~.

Jaune: Get... off...

Thug: Uh, boss, that kid is- (Punched in the face, Falls backwards) ARGH! MUH DOZE!

???: What did I-?! (Swings his pistol around, Jaune catches the barrel) Hope ya like being deaf, ya git! (Fires, Feels his pistol yanked away) What the-?! (Nose crunches) ARGH!

Jaune: (Grabs him by his collar) You touch her like that again, I'm breaking your fingers.

???: Git off, ya-

Jaune: (Punches him across the head, He goes down) Scumbag. (Blinks, Sways) Woah, my head... What happened? Oh my- Neo! Er, Mint! Are you okay?!

Mint: (Rolls her eyes, Walks past Jaune)

Jaune: I'm sorry I didn't help you sooner, I-

Neo: (Spins around, Points at him)

Jaune: Ack! R-Right, listening!

Neo: (Points behind him, Punches her palm)

Jaune: We beat them up, right.

Neo: (Flicks her fingers above an open c-shaped hand, Points to herself)

Jaune: We're robbing them?

Neo: (Shakes her head, Points from him to herself)

Jaune: Wait, I'm robbing them?! I don't want to-

Neo: (Taps his head with Hush, Aggressively points to the thugs)

Jaune: I don't- (Neo raises Hush, Jaune shakes his head) I said I'm not- (Neo hits him, He grabs Hush) I said no!

Neo: (Glares at Jaune, Rolls her eyes, Tugs away Hush and walks away, Waves her hand next to her)

Jaune: (Follows, Sighs) Thanks, Neo, I-

Neo: (Holds her hand out, Shakes her head)

Jaune: ...Right.

Neo: (Smiles)

Jaune: (Sneaking into his room) Okay, just gotta get to bed. (Strips down, Puts on his pajamas) Now, (Yawns) to get some sleep before classes. (Lays down, Shuts his eyes)

Nora: (Alarm rings) GOOD MORNING! Team JMNPR is ready to start the first day of the new school year!

Jaune: (Thinking) I could just cry.

Jaune: (Walks away from breakfast) I'll see you guys at lunch.

Yang: Yikes! What happened to him?

Ruby: He looks like he didn't sleep.

Nora: Poor little guy! He must have been so tired after his job last night!

Weiss: Job? What job?

Ren: Jaune left to do a job for extra Lien. He must have gotten back after midnight.

Nora: I was so worried, I barely slept!

Pyrrha: Yes, I suppose that's right.

Blake: It is odd for a student to work so late on a school night.

Emerald: What was the job last night?

Mercury: (Holds up his scroll) Wouldn't you like to know?

[therealvinelle]

What if Bella got possessed by a demon in Twilight? Like pretty standard, The Exorcist type of stuff.

A lot of you anons should just head on to Ao3 instead of my inbox because whereever you went with this fic idea, I’m sure it’d be delightful. Lulzy, but an absolute delight.

Since you say Twilight, I’ll just set the timeline to the beginning of the series, when Bella has just arrived in Forks. She got possessed just before leaving, as Renée wanted to try an ouija board.

So, for the purposes of this ask, demons are real within the Twilight universe. They have to be very few and far in between, though, since humans don’t know about them and they presumably don’t care about following the Volturi law.

Bella is Reagan and the demon Pazuzu has taken up residence within her.

As happened in The Exorcist, this isn’t very noticeable at first. Bella starts saying some messed up things, yes, enough so that the other kids at school avoid her and the teachers give Charlie a call, but she’s not running down the stairs like a spider. Charlie is worried about her behavior and calls Renée about this, but he’s not dialing up any priests just yet.

Well, Bella gets worse.

Edward, for the record, was interested in this delicious smelling girl with the mystery box brain up until she started spouting profanities in the hallways at other students. Not being able to read her mind, he assumes Bella Swan is just like that. There’s no challenge, no reward, nothing to keeping her alive, his only real reason for not eating her at this point is Carlisle. Though his sheer distaste at that vulgar human who dares to tempt him so makes him resistent to drinking her blood, just out of spite. She’s not his perfect damsel with the delicious blood, and that ruins a lot of the appeal. Not all, mind, because that blood is still delicious.

Though it does help when she’s pulled out of school. Edward can pretend vulgar hamburger doesn’t exist, even as he ruffles through her wardrobe for sweaters to huff.

Back to Charlie, whose daughter is now running down the stairs like the spider.

He sends her to every shrink he can afford, has all the doctors in Forks look at her, and none of them give him an answer he can believe. He’s at his wit’s end.

And this affliction, whatever it is, that’s affecting Bella, it doesn’t seem natural, not human. She speaks in tongues, sexually assaults herself (yes, this happens in the movie), growls and hisses like an animal, in every way acts like- well, whatever it is, Charlie’s ability to deny that this his daughter’s affliction is supernatural in origin is growing thin.

But none of the shrinks can help him with that, and Charlie is a “lapsed Lutheran”, so I doubt priests is something he’ll consider all that seriously. He needs occult help, yes, but from someone who will actually help Bella.

His mind turns towards Carlisle Cullen and his children, and how Billy reacted when they moved into town.

Charlie laughed off his friends’ fears then, thought it was ridiculous to believe the Cullens could ever be anything but human. He dismissed their unusual looks as just that, unusual looks, their too-good-to-be-true cover story as them being that wonderful, and was quite happy about it.

That was then, now his daughter is fast becoming proof that the occult is indeed real.

And Dr. Cullen is so very kind, excellent in his work as a doctor and above all knowledgeable.

Say that Billy was right, that these guys aren’t as human as they appear. Well, that makes them the only people in the world, in Charlie’s world anyhow, who might be able to help.

Which is how Carlisle has the town chief walk into his office, tell him his daughter is possessed by a demon, and that Carlisle has to come over and have a look at her.

Now, as I think demons would be extremely rare, we’ll allow that Carlisle with all likelihood hasn’t seen any of these before. Quite the contrary, he was once a man who persecuted women suspected of witchcraft. He understands Charlie a little too well, but is also not touching this exorcism quest with a ten-foot pole.

Except, the chief seems convinced that Carlisle himself isn’t entirely human.

What would a human doctor do?

Carlisle really has no choice here but to come with Charlie. Besides, no matter how one looks at it what Charlie said about Bella is highly disturbing, the girl obviously needs medical attention.

So Carlisle has a look at Bella, and his “ahahaha we’re all human in here” smile quickly stiffens as he finds that whatever’s going on with Bella, it is indeed not human. She’s spitting green goo, talking Latin backwards, inhumanly strong, impersonating Carlisle’s father, and depending on how closely we follow Pazuzu’s actions in The Exorcist she may have killed a man. There’s scars on her body spelling out pleas for help.

It becomes clear to Carlisle that this girl really does need an exorcism. Or something, anyway, this is terrifying new territory for him.

But he has neither any clue nor the authority to perform an exorcism, and he lacks the network to get his hands on a human priest who’ll do this. More, even if humans could help (and considering how misinformed they are about vampires, the odds of that are extremely slim), involving more humans than have already been pulled into this would not make the Volturi happy.

There’s really only one place to go where someone will have the resources to help this suffering human, and that’s Volterra.

There’s a risk that demons are like immortal children and Aro will kill her on the spot, but Carlisle, still spooked from father Cullen’s voice coming out of this 17-year-old girl in the 21st century, has no other recourse.

So he tells Charlie he’s taking Bella somewhere Charlie can’t follow, and it’s likely they’ll never see each other again, even if Bella is saved. Charlie is devastated, but the promise that his daughter could get better means he can’t refuse. Just the fact that Carlisle isn’t entirely human yet benign makes him the best help Charlie is able to get her.

Carlisle takes Bella to Volterra, where Aro puts on his best Max von Sydow impression and says “Ah, demons... I’ve seen this once before, in the memories of a merchant from Ur...”

Knowing Aro while not knowing the lore of The Exorcist well enough to know what to do about a demon possession if you don’t have a Catholic priest on hand, I imagine Aro dresses up in whatever it is that Sumerian priests wore thousands of years ago (he always told Caius those bedazzled costumes would come in handy someday, and look who was right! VINDICATION) and tricks Pazuzu into possessing one of the humans Heidi brought in instead. This human is promptly killed. Ta-da, Aro smiles to Carlisle, he solved the problem!

Bella wakes up surrounded by insanely beautiful people in an underground palace in Italy and remembers nothing. Carlisle gets the honor of explaining to this human girl that she was possessed by a demon, Charlie asked Carlisle to fix it, and now the nice man who makes jingling noises whenever he moves because he’s dressed head to toe in gold wants her to be a different kind of demon because he can’t read her mind.

Bella caught maybe half of that.

Carlisle refuses to elaborate on the “possessed by a demon” part. No, Bella, you did nothing embarrassing, no one thought you were weird. We hardly noticed you were possessed at all!

But he was serious about that last part, Aro noticed she has a special ability so he’d like for her to become a vampire.

Bella, still, overwhelmed, makes a phone call to Charlie explaining nothing at all but assuring him that the demon is gone. She is then made a vampire.

Edward arrives too late to the party, so late that the party is in fact over, as he didn’t believe Carlisle when he said hamburger was possessed by a demon. Now it turns out that the disgusting, vulgar girl was in fact a delicate flower and a damsel in distress this whole time. Except, now she’s a vampire. Woe! Theirs is a love that never bloomed.

Bella has no idea who this guy is, and asks Renata to make him go away.

[miraculouscontent]

Got any Mr. Pigeon 72 fix-its?

Nothing written exactly, but for sure, I’d change the episode so that it’s actually about Marinette’s character. A power-up and suit change like this should warrant the episode basically being all about Marinette, but considering the stupid rule about Aaaaadrien, fine, watch me get them to the damn swimming pool and talk about Adrien without any actual focus on him.

This is also a semi-continuation of the original “Mr. Pigeon” in terms of involving Marinette’s future fashion goals in someway, even if it’s more subtle, while also following up on her goal in “Gang of Secrets” of not focusing on love.

The beginning of the episode is mostly fine but no friggin’ Adrien pictures are needed. Not only does it break continuity (remember how Marinette had no Adrien pictures at all during basically all of Season 3? how is this season making me miss Season 3???), but it’s not like Alya can’t think of Adrien with or without any sort of prompting.

Alya still brings up the Adrimi break-up and Marinette still goes to comfort Kagami, who - and this is important - is happy to be checked on even though she’s over Adrien. (Like, really, why does the narrative and Alya essentially roll their eyes at Marinette for being worried about Kagami??)

Marinette still plans on taking Kagami to the pool, but neither know that Adrien is there. On their way, they see Xavier Ramier pacing on the sidewalk, seeming to be talking to a pigeon perched on his arm. Marinette and Kagami glance at each other, Kagami not knowing who the guy is and being generally uninterested. Marinette decides to approach, asking him what’s wrong, and Xavier explains that he has to help with a commercial for Adrien Agreste. Kagami sours at the name, mumbling about how Adrien is everywhere, but Marinette is intrigued; she’d been so busy that she hadn’t even heard about this (which really shows how much she’s overworked herself; something Adrien-related would probably be all over the news).

Xavier expresses that he’s nervous because he has a lot riding on this; Bob promised to talk to the mayor about making a pigeon sanctuary, and that’s his dream. Still, he tries to calm himself down, afraid of getting akumatized again and burdening Ladybug. Marinette falters at this, feeling bad and remembering how many times he’s been akumatized, then makes a comment about how it’s not his fault, it’s Ladybug’s for not finding a way to stop this. Xavier is caught off-guard, but defends Ladybug (much to Marinette’s surprise). He compares Ladybug to his best friend, the pigeon Edgar, who took a while to fly for the first time but is now the most intelligent and talented of all the pigeons. He adds that it’s not Ladybug’s fault that he gets akumatized; it’s the akumatized person’s fault.

This solves a big problem in the episode, which is that it allows Ladybug to downplay her abilities without making any argument against it, essentially saying that she’s not good enough and it’s all her fault.

Anyway, Marinette is comforted by the words and Xavier invites them along to the commercial showing since they were nice to him (bonus if some of the pigeons like Marinette and that’s another reason, double bonus if they also like Ladybug), seeing that they were on their way to the pool and they could always swim after the filming. Marinette and Kagami are pretty sure that’s not allowed but hey, they get to swim just by themselves and that’s cool. Kagami does get a bit of a jab in at Marinette for being “too soft” and helping strangers, but it’s a fond jab and not a malicious one.

Gorilla lets them in, but Marinette and Kagami keep their distance, partially so as to not interrupt and also because Kagami doesn’t want to talk to Adrien (Adrien awkwardly waves but Kagami ignores him). This leads to a conversation about the break-up, with Marinette talking about how “love is crazy and you’re not supposed to think about it,” but Kagami tells her that that’s exactly the problem; she was so focused on getting Adrien that it blinded her and caused her to just get more hurt when Adrien disappointed her. She also looks at Marinette, pained, and vulnerably admits that the thing that she regrets most is that Adrien damaged their relationship before they became friends.

Marinette reflects on this. When she thinks about it, her “dream” had been to have a house, three kids, and a hamster (referencing back to what Alya said before), but that depends on... well, depending on someone else; a romantic interest. She eyes Xavier, seeing him work so hard with his pigeons to try and achieve his own dream, and wonders how much time she’s spent on trying (and failing) to get Adrien’s attention. It unnerves her and it takes a grab of her arm from Kagami (a little too rough but it got the job done) to snap her out of it.

Basically, her dream should be about her and what she wants to do, yet she’s been relying on someone else for it.

(For the Lukanette lovers out there, yes, this could hypothetically be the moment where she realizes that things weren’t “all about the crush” when it came to Luka, as Luka wasn’t a vacuum that sucked up all available attention to himself.)

The episode plays out as normal, though obviously with just general shenanigans between Bob, Xavier, and Adrien that causes them to mess up without Marinette doing anything. Xavier does his job perfectly but Bob is demanding and tends to shout and mishandle the birds, which causes them to be startled, Adrien’s allergy not helping matters. When Xavier inevitably gets akumatized (bonus if Kagami, inspired by Marinette’s efforts, tries to go after him for some tough love rather than Marinette trying to comfort him), the hero stuff works out the same with the exception that Alya hasn’t figured something out with the grimoire, only that she has a hunch/lead on something but hasn’t connected the dots yet.

Cut to the end of the fight, where Rena Rouge goes up to Ladybug to show her the grimoire pages. She talks about the ladybugs and points to a few particular pages that have objects that aren’t in Ladybug’s arsenal, and she feels like it means something. Ladybug is skeptical, saying that she’s already seen those pages and can’t make sense of them, because said objects seem to be different/better/worse based on the particular Ladybug, and thus there’s no pattern to it.

Then, it clicks with her; the ladybug is the miraculous of Creation, and some are better at creating than others. She’d always been locked on one thing at once, like being just class representative or just someone who pursues Adrien, but she’s so much more than that and also a lot of things at once, and she was so focused on being “a guardian who needs to figure out the grimoire” that she forgot that she was also Ladybug, and a creative Ladybug who has figured out the strangest lucky charms over and over again. The reason all those objects are different in the grimoire is because the ladybug can make them and the ladybug is only limited by their creativity.

Cue Charm Bug transformation, along with Ladybug creating the magical charm to give to Xavier. The transformation is also more narratively appropriate, as Ladybug throws her arms back when her pigtails get longer, which could be seen as her “spreading her wings.”

After Adrien leaves, Marinette watches the car go and comments to Kagami that she too is sad that they hadn’t become friends earlier. She adds that she also decided not to focus on love anymore, and thanks Kagami for helping her in that. She pulls out her sketchpad from her bag and talks about her dream of becoming a fashion designer, leading Kagami to decide to tell Marinette about the fact that she draws.

The episode ends as the two as seen inside Tomoe’s car, drawing together and talking about each other’s abilities, both clearly happy with where they are right now.

[lakesbian]

aisha significantly prefers shorts just bc of personal taste. the part where people are weird and gross and annoying to her about it (including brian being like Aisha People Can See Your Butt Go Put On Longer Shorts) (he's saying it out of concern 4 her but it's still shitty) is something she would actually rather not have happen. so her being anti-pants bc it pisses off brian is like. a coincidental side-thing that she leans into because she's upset by Society's Response To Her Preferred Clothing and that's how she responds to being upset about it. but she wears what she wears first and foremost because she likes it.

real and cosigned about taylor she's totally walking around with massive skirts that look like they Should be flowing around in the wind but theyre just. weirdly weighed down and its because she has 10000 bugs in there crawling all over her bare legs and the fabric. she specifically likes how it's easier for them to exit en masse out of the bottom & avoid being squished.

brian could admit he wants to watch tv in his boxers there's no reason he doesn't think that's a normal thing to do. like he's busy a lot but he's been seen watching tv in sweatpants or boxers once or twice in the loft. Normal Boy Who Does Normal Things but i mean the "normal" part genuinely this time. i think his ass would wear cargo shorts. like in a hypothetical scenario where he goes on a nice vacation with aisha and their lives don't suck she keeps buying souvenirs and snacks and soft drinks and handing them off to brian and he just keeps putting all of them in his cargo shorts. he acts performatively annoyed that she's not carrying her own shit but deep down he's like "this is great. this is exactly what cargo shorts are meant for" while he walks around jingling and jangling

i don't actually think alec would make that joke, but he does hold vitriolic levels of annoyance against how skirts & dresses restrict leg movement + how bad it sucks to use a urinal in one. i'm sure someone on here who wears skirts and uses toilets standing up could inform me that it's actually very easy but i have faith in alec's ability to fail at figuring it out nonetheless. so he usually wears tights/leggings/jeggings or shorts but sometimes he tosses a short skirt over top of his leggings 4 a bit of extra frill. he has a vendetta against rompers for similar reasons. he thinks it's really fucked up and evil that someone would make a cute visually him-catered item of clothing and then make it so you literally have to get naked to use the bathroom while wearing it. when he and brian were shopping during the fugly bobs trip he tried to have a friendly conversation with brian after they stopped to use the bathroom by talking about it and brian was like Well it wouldn't be a problem if you just dressed normally right? as a genuine attempt to helpfully problem-solve for him

i think lisa isn't exasperated by silly teenage discussions she just sort of like. watches from a distance and occasionally chimes in with something clever without taking a side unless her taking a side would back taylor up. but deep down she really likes pajama pants and thinks it's annoying how tights keep bunching up and being. you know. Tight. she still keeps wearing them tho.

i think rachel would contribute to this depending on what part of the story it's taking place in btw, i could see her participating by explaining the Many Benefits Of Pants (better for riding dogs) (better for running around punching people in) (et cetera). and she would be satisfied with herself when everyone nods and agrees with her.

fine theres your stupid fucking undersiders pants post everyone i hope you all like it. <- had fun but not going to admit it

now im curious. which undersiders ARE anti-pants or pro-pants. this interests me

none of them are fucking anti-pants they're supervillains they have to run around in armored pants every day of their life so they can rob banks without tripping and going to jail there are many dumb debates the undersiders would have opinions about but this is not one of them

[dimonds456]

*sees your tags about being salty about suf spinel*

YOU CAN'T JUST SAY THAT AND NOT SHARE YOUR SALT /LH

Okay, but I'm warning you, you asked for it.

LONG POST WARNING.

LIKE A REALLY, REALLY LONG POST WARNING.

Dimonds456 Presents: How They Did My Baby Dirty: An SUTM and SUF Analysis on Steven and Spinel (Told by a Progressively More and More Angry Narrator)

THE CONTEXT: There was a post talking about how you think a character will fix everything, but then they wind up making it works. My tags were "#*looks at suf spinel* #I am still salty about that like the bitch I am fghdjskgfa"

Grab some water, guys.

Let's start by talking about Steven for a moment. In the original show, when we were following him as a 12-14-year-old, we watched as he built up trauma and then learned how to hide it expertly well, to the point that most of the audience didn't even realize he was struggling.

You can actually pinpoint the seconds he makes those decisions, too. The best example is in "The Test," when he's storming up to the gems. He's pissed. His fists are clenched, he's got that anime eye shadow overlay on his face, he's frowning, all that. the Crystal Gems are clapping for him and lying to his face, and he KNOWS they are because he overheard them talking about how it was "impossible for him to fail" that test (- Garnet).

And yet... he also overheard them saying that they're just trying their best. They don't know what he needs. They never really have. No one is sure. So, Steven realizes that by picking a fight, he would just be making it worse for them because they would know they messed up, and nothing gets solved, and everyone gets more depressed and Amethyst and Pearl go back to fighting each other and- well, you get the picture. He doesn't have a full understanding of what's going on, so his kid brain went "so I can either be angry at them and cause problems, or I can tell them I did a good job to make them happy."

"I can lie to make them happy."

He storms down there angry, still mulling this decision over. He drops to the floor, frowning and pissed, and says "I can't believe you guys." He is so close to yelling at them, and yet, when he looks up at them...

"That was so... INSANE!"

You never would have been able to tell. It was right there. That moment. And then he never stops. For the ENTIRE REST of the series, he NEVER STOPS. He puts the Crystal Gems above himself every time. Think Rose's Scabbard, The Message, The Return/Jailbreak. The Cluster. Peridot. Dealing with Jasper. The zoo arc (ESPECIALLY the zoo arc). Aquamarine. Then pretty much the entirety of Season 5.

(NOTE: I went back and rewatched that scene for the screenshot. There is a blink-and-you'll-miss-it lip tremble in there too! D,: )

He lives for the people around him, and not for himself. Almost never for himself.

Put a pin in that.

Now, let's look at his maturity. People thought that was just him being mature, right? That he grew up. No. That was not it at all. He was learning from his own behaviors as well as the people around him, and building up this idea that he had to "fight to be everything that everyone wants [him] to be when [he's] grown" (- Steven, the extended intro).

Yes, he matured, but not because of that. He started making various decisions to benefit the group that oftentimes he wasn't fully comfortable with, but something he believed would be better for everyone.

Put a pin in that.

Then, later in Future, we see it all manifest. He is selfless to a fault, to the point that he can't think of himself in a positive light in the sense that he's good. We see it a couple of times, but especially in "Prickly Pair," when he vents to Cactus Steven about everything that happened. He feels useless, which is taking a toll on his mental health.

"Why do I need to be needed?" He needs to be needed because that's everything he was as a kid. His entire IDENTITY rests on his ability to help other people, no matter what happens to him. He literally sacrificed himself for them countless times (the big one of course being the Aquamarine incident), and now as a teenager, his whole sense of self is wrapped up in this need to get up and do something to make the world better.

And when he can't make the world better, his world falls apart.

Put a pin in that.

Now, let's talk about Spinel, the moment we've all been waiting for.

Spinel, as a gem, was made specifically to be a friend. That is her niche, and her purpose. Her reason for existing. At first, she and Pink Diamond got along very well, as shown in the flashbacks right before Drift Away plays (I headcanon she has illusion powers and was literally projecting her trauma, but that's a completely different post).

She and Pink vibed together for who knows how long, until one day, Pink started to not like being around Spinel anymore, finding her annoying and childish. We don't know what really caused the switch, just that it did happen (but of course, I have headcanons for that, too). Spinel never realized until it was FAR too late.

Steven actually describes his younger self as annoying at one point during the Diamond Days arc, when he decides to throw the ball, so I'm legally allowed to make this comparison.

Steven and Spinel were the SAME. They were both young and dumb, and something that at least a few people found annoying. People put up with their BS though, since they cared about them. But, while Steven realized this and matured because of it (or bottled up his emotions, to each their own), Spinel never did. She never matured. She was never given a chance.

In the movie, we saw her as a child, and watched as she played with Pink and never tried to be or do anything else, to the point that Pink Diamond thought to realize she might be struggling (and maybe Spinel didn't, either!).

She lives for the people around him, and not for herself. Almost never for herself.

And when she can't be friends with this one person, her world falls apart.

Sound familiar? It should. I literally pulled from things I said earlier lol.

Spinel and Steven are mirror reflections of each other. Reset!Spinel is 14-year-old Steven, completely devoting her entire self to one idea. Steven's was helping others no matter what, Spinel's was serving Pink no matter what. Spinel is like a combination of 14 and 12-year-old Steven in this sense, honestly. Goofy, without a care in the world, except one thing: the people around her. She would do anything for Pink, just as Steven would do anything for his family.

Now, Pink Diamond left Spinel. We all know this story. She left Spins there in the garden for 6,000 years because she grew more mature and started a rebellion, effectively forgetting about this one gem she kinda stopped caring about standing there.

Personally, I don't think Pink had any malicious or even intentional intent in that, but this ain't about her. This is about how Spinel continued to sacrifice herself for Pink, even when Pink didn't need her to anymore. She wanted to please Pink 24/7, all day every day, to the point she self-sacrificed and stood perfectly still for her for millenia.

Now, back to Steven. The gems don't need him anymore in Future, right? They've all grown up and matured and headed off towards their own futures, effectively stranding him alone in terms of self-identity and self-worth. But he stays there, ready to assist at the drop of a hat, or- in Future's case- the call of a phone.

Episode 6 anyone? The one everyone says shouldn't be in Future? That it should have been cut to allow more focus on Steven himself? The fusion episode? YEAH. THAT. He is running himself RAGGED to try and help others, to give himself a purpose. He is self-sacrificing. (He's a professional, don't worry. /j)

Steven metaphorically planted his feet down and decided that he was going to devote himself to the people around him.

Spinel's feet were literally tied down soon after she made that very same decision.

Okay, enough with the backstory. Time for the salt.

In Future, Steven is at his lowest low. He is running to the Diamonds for help, to see if there is SOMETHING they can do to help him. And we first see Spinel.

Spinel has been through the ringer on a lot of the same mental problems Steven himself is facing. She self-isolated, watched as everyone grew up and left her, and then began to lash out because of it. She understands what he's going through. We even see her concerned as Steven starts to tell her why he's there.

Spinel takes him from Diamond to Diamond, until he's running out of White's room in a blind panic. Spinel is able to catch up with him, and Steven realizes the same. SHE GETS IT. He turns around and says "Hey, you used to have vengeful thoughts!"

Spinel replies "Ohhhhh yeah, but I don't have 'em anymore."

"How did you make them stop?"

She then goes on to sing Change to him, effectively cutting that conversation short.

On paper, that sounds very in-character for her. She's goofy! And that is what worked for her! But the problem is that they had to dumb her down in order to make that character decision work. In the movie, she was shown to be observant and able to put two and two together, even if she often jumps to conclusions (see her being the one to figure out that the gems needed to remember their "pieces," as she remembers the Garden, her re-realizing what Pink did, and her meltdown later when she reactivates the injector).

Spinel is smart. It should have been in character for her to realize that Steven was panicking just as she had been, and needed to be talked to gently. But no. Instead, she starts belting out Change, which given Steven's situation, would not work for him.

At the very least, she would have started doing little tricks or started trying to get him to join a game, which would have taken his mind off of it (to her anyways, that wouldn't have worked either), which then could have prompted further discussion.

Then, once they finally start talking, Spinel could have been able to share some legitimate advise. She was hurt and lashed out. What worked for her was opening up to others and letting them in, learning to trust again (which Steven also has problems with- he can't trust that the Gems won't break down the second he turns his back. Trust does NOT equal love, there is no doubt he loves them to no end), and allowing other people in.

That is what Steven needed, too. He needed to let his guard down and just talk to someone. Sure, Spinel was not going to be a fix-all, but she could have at least offered some insight on what to do.

She UNDERSTANDS him. They are a reflection of each other.

But instead of offering help, Spinel made it worse. She was dumbed down to allow the rest of Future to happen, to make Steven feel even worse. Because- and here's the kicker- because the one person who MIGHT understand him doesn't, that means there's no hope for him.

At least, that's how he sees it. And so, the denial- and "Everything's Fine"- begins.

Here's the thing, though; they DIDN'T NEED to make that decision. If the Crew wanted to have Spinel not understand Steven, then draw the line of her being a Gem from Era 1, used to the Diamonds shattering people.

Steven has killed Jasper and revived her at this point, so maybe Spinel offers that at least he's trying to get better, just like the other Diamonds! See, they're doing so great now! And then that makes him feel worse since he IS trying to do better, but is only failing, while the Diamonds- who were MADE to be nasty dictators- are doing better than him.

The Diamonds shattered a lot of people, and they're doing better than Steven, who has only shattered one person, and not even on purpose. How horrible is that?

Then boom. THERE'S your angst, with a much smarter, more helpful Spinel.

Look, I knew going in that Spinel wasn't going to be able to help. The finale had to happen somehow, and we hadn't seen Wormy Boi yet. I have always been a storng believer of the corrupted Steven theory, so I knew it was bound to happen. But I was hoping that Spinel would at least try. But she really didn't. She just brushed him off, offering really loose advise that didn't even fit his situation and thinking that would be enough.

No. It's not.

I can see where the Crew was coming from. I still love that episode, and I love seeing Spins in it (until that exact moment). This is probably the only thing in SU that genuinely gets me mad. Or, well, maybe not mad, but definitely annoyed and- you guessed it- salty.

I have an unfinished fic where I kinda delve into Spinel's head for that episode called "A New Start". If you really want my thoughts on where Spinel's head was at, there's a bit in there that really explains it. In the fic, Steven decides to rejuvenate himself and brings Spinel along with him, and that's all the context you need for this.

I cannot explain that moment in the climax of the episode, though. Maybe she thought it would make him feel better, or that maybe he really did just need to open his eyes and see the error of his ways (which doesn't make sense, he KNOWS what he did). Maybe she thought that being silly would help somehow.

But you'd think she'd learn from her time with Pink as she grew more annoyed with her, but apparently not. Or maybe she would realize for a second that being loud and annoying was bad. Or maybe she doesn't learn.

Either way, it- and she- was dumb. And they did my baby dirty.

*drops mic and walks away*

[ezgithechaotic]

The Parent Trap | Chapter Six; to love someone else

pairing: Harry Styles x Reader

AU: The Parent Trap,  dad!harry

series summary:  Identical twins Benjamin and Edward, separated at birth and each raised by one of their biological parents, later discover each other for the first time at summer camp and make a plan to bring their wayward parents back together.

chapter summary; There are so many thing to say, but so little time for Harry and Y\N. 

author note; well hello there, ı’m back. It’s been really long and I’m so soryy about it. But I guess you guys are used to it. I will try to write the next chapter soon! Don’t be shy to send me a message if you would like to talk and be friends. I don’t bite, I promise! 

I’m sorry in advance if I have any fault. English is not my first language. My askbox is always open if you want to talk. Please leave a comment about what you think, love you.  

Taglist is open. Please send me an ask or comment if you want to be tagged! (22\30)

The Parent Trap Masterlist,  main masterlist 

Life had a funny way of bringing people together, and it had no interest in their desires. Sitting on one of the blue couches, a coffee in her hand, the only thing Y\N wanted to do was run away and never look back. But she wasn't eighteen anymore; she had learned that running from your problems only circled you back to them. So, she did what every reasonable person would do, stayed put. But now, seeing her hand shaking while holding the silver spoon, Y\N was questioning every decision she ever made that brought her to this point. 

So much for getting over him Y\N, well done. 

"You look good." 

The moment words left his mouth Harry cursed himself silently. You look good. Of course, she did. Is that what he all had? After almost nine years, Y\N still made him tongue-tied. He wasn't the Harry who stood in front of thousands of people to perform; he was a boy again, and he hated it. He was eighteen again, seeing his producer's sister and thinking, maybe he is capable of love. Despite feeling like it was yesterday, Harry wasn't eighteen anymore. He didn't have the opportunities to be stupid and in love. It had been a long time since Harry had lost that chance. Wishing he could say sorry and explain anything wasn't going to solve anything, and it surely wasn't going to bring him his old Y\N, who was naive enough to fall in love with a worldwide star. She knew better now. So, maybe the only thing he could come up with was you look good. 

Even though a moment of sadness passed her face, Y\N was quick to pull herself together. She put a kind smile on her face, the way she did when one of her customers made her feel tired, but she still had to keep going. Harry had seen that smile before when he told her he had to cancel one of their dates, again or when he told her that they couldn't be seen together in public.

"You look good too." 

There it was again, her velvet-like voice. Y\N had always amazed Harry; she could be kind to everyone no matter what, even when the person across her was the reason for her broken heart. Neither of them dared to ask about their sons and each other. How would you ask about someone you chose to leave behind? 

"Can I..." Y\N could feel her anxiety riling up. She took a deep breath and tried sitting more straight. "How is he?" 

Harry's heart almost skipped a beat. He couldn't decide if he was stupid to send him away. Would it be less awkward if Benjamin was there, or would it be a dread to explain to him why his mother was standing in the middle of their guest room? 

"Look, I know we had an agreement." Y\N sighed. Harry didn't realize how much time it took him to come up with an answer until she spoke. "I only want to know how he is."

"He's... Well, he's good." 

Harry apparently lost his ability to form any good sentences that day, but it looked like he was talking to a brick wall. Y\N left her cup on the coffee table, now leaning and resting her elbows on her knees. 

"I feel like I'm doing a terrible job." Eyes fixed on the ground and watery, head between her hands, Harry couldn't remember the last time he had seen Y\N so vulnerable. "Edward is the sweetest boy, I swear. He's the perfect kid any parent could ask for. And I feel like I'm the worst mother for tearing him apart from his brother, for not giving him the life he deserves. And the only thing I can think of is would he be happier if he were with you." She was up suddenly, pacing around the room. 

"And how much I missed from Benjamin's life. Will, he ever know me, or Edward ever know you? Will they ever know each other? Will they ever forgive us for what we did?" She stopped, looking at Harry.  She couldn't remember how long it had been since she looked into his green eyes. She wanted to keep going. Scream, shout, cry. But she stood there, looking at him, waiting like he could give her an answer. 

Will I ever forgive myself for letting you go?

Y\N wanted to keep asking, but there was no point. She stopped a tear before it could reach her jaw, quickly. "God, I don't know how long I've been holding that in." 

Harry was dying to apologize, to ask if she was missing him as much as he was missing her. He was dying to fall at her feet and beg for forgiveness. Instead, he sat there, like an idiot.

"We were young, Y\N. We did what we thought was best. Wrong or right, there is no undoing it right now." 

Hearing her name roll off his sweet mouth woke something inside Y\N. She had so many things she wanted to say but didn't know where to begin. Her mouth was frantically opening and closing back again, but nothing came out. 

-

Sarah and Mitch were just outside the room, trying to listen to the conversation. "I swear he's so stupid," Mitch whispered. "Just say something!" 

"Hey, be quiet. I'm trying to listen." 

Before Mitch could say anything, he heard key sounds coming from the front door. He quickly turned to Sarah. "Camille wasn't visiting today, right?" He was praying that it wasn't Camille, but there wasn't anyone outside them who had keys to Harry's house. 

"Shit." 

-

"I know you're a great mother, Y\N; I know that. And I know we did wrong things, but that doesn't mean you're failing."

"I feel like I am." Y\N was still standing there, her fingers fidgeting with her white shirt. She wanted to yell, how could he possibly know what kind of mother she was? He was never there. Harry stood up with a purpose to walk to Y\N and maybe to hold her. But his actions stopped when the door to the guest room opened.  

And there she was, Camille Rowe with all her glory. Blonde hair sitting on her shoulders, red-colored lips, and long lashes, she looked like she came straight from a runway. And Y\N tried with all her might, but she couldn't hate her. Even though her pants were horrible, even though she always used her beauty to get away with her cruelty. And, true, the diamond ring sitting on her finger was no help, but still, she had no hate for her. It wasn't Camille's fault that she was at his feet, basically asking Harry to fix everything because she was too vulnerable.

How Y\N wished she could love somebody else that wasn't Harry. She wished she could move on as he did. But it was stuck, her whole life was stuck since he left her without any explanation. Sometimes she would feel so ready to love someone else, to find anybody willing to take her this broken. She tried so hard, lying to herself, making everyone believe she got over him. She didn't listen to any of his songs, watch anything that could be related to him.  She was running away for the last nine years, not once stopping and looking back. Well, look where it brought her to now, sitting in the same room with him and his fiancee, who had no idea how much history they had. 

"I honestly love everything piece you do." Did she? Y\N couldn't tell if Camille knew everything or not. But if she did, she was a damn good actress. And Y\N was terrified of what could come after this if she didn't leave that house right now. "I would love it if you worked on my wedding dress." 

Y\N's whole world was upside down at that moment. Her hair on her neck stood on end. Her whole body was shivering; she didn't know if it was rage or hurt. Still, the smile came up again. 

"I'm afraid I'm too busy with my new collection." 

"Well, I will have to find someone else, I guess." Camille laughed, her hand sneaking up Harry's leg. Y\N was burning, her blood felt like it was boiling inside her veins. She needed to get out of there, quick. "But I'm so glad Harry could reach somebody. He had been looking for that cardigan for days, now. I thought he was going crazy." She laughed again, unlike everyone else in the room but, apparently she didn't care. 

"It was no problem, honestly. Jonathan is a dear friend of mine; I was just doing a favor." Y\N couldn't believe how calm she sounded. Maybe she should have chosen to be an actress. 

"I'm sure you're very busy, but we would love to see you at the wedding. Right, honey?" Camille turned to Harry, waiting for his approval. Harry quickly nodded as if he was waiting to agree to everything she was saying. "Of course." 

"I'll have to see, I guess." Y\N didn't know how much longer she could pretend like everything bathed in sunlight. So, she got up, ignoring the shaking in her legs. "I should go, my team is probably waiting for me."

"It was lovely to meet you." Camille held her hand out. Her grasp was hard like she was telling Y\N to start running and never look back again. Still, Y\N stood her ground, firmly taking her handshake and smiling. Her eyes meet Harry's for a second. There were so many things she wanted to say, but she didn't think anything that she could say would turn this around. So, she lied instead. 

"Congratulation on the engagement. You two make a lovely couple." 

Y\N couldn't believe she could lie so effortlessly, without any trembling in her voice. Still, shaking Camille's warm hand and seeing her next to Harry with a diamond on her hand made her want to get in her car and run away to somewhere very far away that she could throw up. So, she did that. 

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[chicoriii]

Season 4, Episode 17 - Larme Ultime (Rocketear)

So this is a DjiWifi episode from which comes a screenshot I've seen over a month ago (I think). It's good they got it, before season 4 started I really wanted it to happen and to see a kiss between Nino and Alya in it (but that didn't happen and I don't get why, only the main pairing is allowed to kiss in this show or what?), but now I could not be excited about it anymore, because I'm sick of Alya and I'm not able to hide it. Yes, I'm biased, but I'm just a normal viewer and I have right to dislike her favouritism.

My the biggest thought after watching this is that it looks like since Optigami, Alya is not only a deuteragonist, like I said in my post about Sentibubbler, she's actually more like a co-protagonist now. That was an extremely Alya-centric episode (even more than Lie was was about Adrien, as it was mostly Ladybug who saved the world like almost always, also because Chat sacrificed himself again), while in Optigami and this one she has screentime comparable to Marinette. I'm still trying to avoid spoilers (so please, don't tell what's going to happen in the next episodes, I don't want to know), but I'm sure that either 15 or 16 is also highly about her, because we've seen the new Rena's suit in this episode and it looked like it wasn't the first episode with it. But really, I won't be surprised if Alya has lots of screentime in both episodes and all others to the end of the show as well. I don't think Adrien is ever going to get as much special treatment like Alya. :/ The creators have never been as nice to him.

Didn't the writes have enough ideas for another story arcs? And thanks to it they were able to save money, because then creators could just reuse old models of villains more than before. Have anyone noticed that S4 has even fewer number of completely new characters than previous seasons? The scientist seen at the start of the episode has detailed model, so she had to be akumatised in any of the previous unreleased episodes (or one of the next ones). And why she looks a lot like Alya, is she her relative? If yes, you know what that means? Another excuse to make an episode full of the fox wielder, because, you know, it’s not like she already got enough occasions to shine in S4. 

Speaking of Rena Rouge's new suit. What a waste, it would be great for a potential chameleon Miraculous, so it seems it won't be ever created for canon. So bad, I think it's one of the coolest animal, so a Miraculous based on it would be awesome. It could one from an African Miracle Box which should appear, since they are planning making an African special. The suit is good and all, but I still feel disappointed that it's not the superpower of a chameleon Miraculous. :(

Why is Nino acting over the top out of nowhere? I like film noir atmosphere, fedoras and especially jazz music full of saxophones (my favourite music genre and instrument), but it looks totally ridiculous when he's like that. I thought it's Marinette's speciality, and he beat her in that category. I'm not trying to say it's a a bad thing, it just feels weird seeing Nino like that. And since I love jazz, I would like to listen to that film noir-esque music more once I got 5.1 audio, since it was hardly heard in the episode. It didn't sound much interesting, but it's too early to judge it seriously.

Too bad they had written the main conflict in the episode using one of the biggest romantic cliche - misunderstanding in which one character see and\or hear something, but not the whole thing, so said character interprets it wrong. Motifs like that are rather annoying, so it's good something similar haven't happened in the Love Square's arc (yet at least). Though I have a big issue with how they write it this season and I'm going to make a post about it (is anyone interested?).

The akuma is one the ugliest and has one of the most laziest power ever. Really? He shoots using tear bullets and does nothing more? I know many people hate Bubbler's design, but no matter how silly it looks, it was much more creative than this.

And of course the whole thing with Alya remembering the whole conversation with Chat Noir was extremely far-fetched. The could think about something more believable, but I'm not surprised it happened, since I think this season is generally more lazy written than previous ones.

On the other hand, I'm surprised that Marinette is actually aware that Shadow Moth should not know that Alya is still Rena Rouge. It seems that the whole episode 15 (or 16) is about they trying to figure out what to do with that problem.  I won't be surprised if Alya would do it all by herself like it happened with protecting charms in Mr Pigeon 72, because it's completely normal that a random person who has never met Fu is better at decrypting the grimoire than someone who has been trained to be a guardian to some extend :/ Still I think they should not be sure that camouflage mode would solve the problem completely. From what I understand the new suit doesn’t make her completely invisible to others. Rena could be seen by anyone who takes a photo of her and then post in on the internet (it won't be believable that she's the only one crazy about superheroes in Paris). But at least they tried to do something and Marinette sees the danger to some extend. It’s something new.

It's not like Alya is careful, she's completely reckless (and they think she's a good reporter material? Don't make me laugh) and she still thinks more about her own fun in being the superheroine than safety of herself or the world. But of course, it's not gonna happen, because plot armor is very strong in this show. I really had a feeling that she acted like a little child in the first minutes of the episode. She's unable to see that her situation is not a joke. She should be all happy that Marinette still lets her to keep the fox Miraculous. She really lacks humility and I see it clearly since Optigami at least. Besides, Marinette ignores another red flags, that Alya is taking pictures of herself in the new suit no one is supposed to see and thinking about posting them on Ladyblog (was Bunnix right that Alya is able to reveal Miraculous secrets on her blog because of her overenthusiasm and lack of ability of seeing consequences of her actions?).

By the way, now I think, if Alya can't keep in secret that she's still Rena Rouge from Nino (which happens because it's needed for the plot), so how could she be all fine with keeping in secret other facts like that Ladybug gave her the fox permanently and she knows her identity (which isn't happening because the plot doesn't require it)? She still has to lie on Nino because of these secrets.

They are making Marinette a big hypocrite this season. Since she revealed herself to Alya, it's been shown that secret identities rule was bullshit from the start, but Marinette is still saying that heroes can't reveal their identities to anyone. What? What has she done before like not revealing herself to someone, so how she dares keep saying about how crucial is keeping secrets from everyone? Sorry writers, I can't take that rule seriously anymore since Alya knows and no one should. Because Marinette told Alya, she could tell it to other persons she trust as well. What's the difference between her best friend and the rest of the people in the world? Is Alya the only person she trusts? In fact, revealing herself to Sabine, for example, would be much better choice. She's actually wise and mature unlike Alya and her secrets would be much more safe with her mother.

I've seen Chat Blanc again on TV recently and I remembered one thing Ladybug told to Bunnix there: "The best-kept secrets are the ones you never share." (Google Translate says that the line is exactly the same in the French original). Some episodes later, she isn't thinking twice if she should tell all the guardian secrets to Alya. Okay, she revealed her identity because of being too emotional in that exact moment, but then when she calmed down, she should be able to think if telling all the Miraculous secrets is a good idea. The other hypocritical thing is telling Chloé "you can't be Queen Bee anymore, because Hawk Moth knows your identity" but still calling the other heroes whose identities have been exposed.

So I can't even blame Alya for telling Nino the truth if the guardian herself is not following her own rules. Not to mention, Marinette doesn't address wrong things Alya is doing at all, so no wonder she feels she could do anything, she won't get punished, no matter what. After all, it's not the first moment in which she does something her best friend forbid her.

And we can say the show has been confirmed that Nino is even worse at keeping secrets, especially in crisis situations, so why people wanted to see Adrien revealing himself to Nino? It's obvious that he would tell Adrien's secret to Alya and maybe some other people as well.

I thought that since S3 finale Adrien is supposed to know identities of every backup hero from seasons 2 and 3 and I was ready to be salty about that as well. But yes, actually after purification of Miracle Queen's akuma, brainwashed heroes didn't detransform. They were forgotten completely and we don't even know what happened with them exactly. I suppose Ladybug took their Miraculous when Chat Noir wasn't there anymore.

Adrien has every right to be angry at Ladybug, she treats him so badly, since Alya knows her own secrets and she doesn't even have the guts to admit that. But I'm going to say about my the biggest issue in the Chat Noir and Ladybug's situation in another post, I hope I would write before the next episode airs.

[nothing-more-than-hot-leaf-juice]

Zutara. My otp since I first watched as a 10 year old in 2005. Hopefully you'll be kind to them 😉 I'm convinced they'll be cannon in the live action 😅

Alright... *starts digging grave*, I think Katara and Zuko have a wonderful platonic relationship and for them to have a romantic relationship would (1) undermine Zuko’s redemption arc and (2) undermine the found family aspect of their friendship. I don’t have an issue with anyone who ships Zutara and I do not engage in shipping drama, but I think their platonic relationship is too damn important to favor a romantic relationship I don't really think has chemistry. 

Personally, I have never gotten romantic vibes from them like... at all? I think the progression of their friendship was important in terms of the show’s themes of forgiving those who deserve it and finding support in people you least expect, but I just don’t get chemistry from them. I’ve always been a Kataang fan but how I feel about Zutara has nothing to do with that. Avatar is one of those shows where I would have been totally fine with it ending with no romantic pairings because the found family aspect of it is so much more powerful. 

If anyone has spent 5 seconds on my blog, you know that Zuko is my favorite character and I think he deserves nothing but love and support after all the shit he went through. But a big aspect of why I care about him as a character is that he put the work in to make amends. He didn’t just show up one day saying “I’ve seen the error of my ways, sorry for all the stuff I did, I’m good now” and that was that. He had to work for forgiveness and he did it because he realized the fire nation was wrong, his father was wrong, and he was wrong. His decision to switch sides had nothing to do with any connection with the gaang because he didn’t really know them. His decision to switch sides stemmed from 3 very important things: 

(1) He felt guilty not for betraying Aang and Katara in Ba Sing Se, but Iroh. He realized his uncle was the person who had given him unconditional love while Azula and Ozai’s “love” for him was entirely dependent on his ability to provide them results. From this guilt, he was able to realize that his uncle had made the right decision in siding with the Avatar and more importantly, that Ozai was wrong and that all the abuse he endured under him was undeserved. 

(2) His experiences in the Earth Kingdom as a refugee. This post explains it really well, but Zuko’s realization that everything he’s believed about the Fire Nation has been wrong is rooted in his moment of empathy with Song and her matching burn scar, his empathy with Lee who lost his brother like Zuko lost Lu Ten, his empathy with Jet who lost his way going to extremes for a cause, and, yes, his empathy with Katara who’s mother was taken from her by the Fire Nation like his was. The reason he switches sides is because after all of those experiences, he can no longer be callous or unfeeling towards the Earth Kingdom like his father or sister. The people of the Earth Kingdom either empathized with him for the pain he went through and appreciated him for his desire to help the helpless (Song, Lee, Jet) or feared and hated him for being part of a country that caused their suffering (Lee, Lee’s mom, Jet, Katara). Throughout season 2, Zuko realized the extent of what the war meant for the other side. 

(3) The realization of the extents his father would go to and the truth about Ozai’s amorality. This point is kind of just the culmination of everything in the last two points, but all that set up comes to fruition when Zuko attends the war meeting where Ozai decides to use Sozin’s Comet to commit genocide. By this point he’s racked with guilt over what he did to Iroh, he’s empathized with people who have suffered and is coming to terms with the fact that it’s not only the people of the earth kingdom that have unnecessarily suffered because of Ozai, but him as well. In that meeting, he expresses adoration for the Earth Kingdom being proud and strong and Ozai’s response is to burn it to the ground. It’s the same treatment he gave Zuko at the Agni Kai when he stuck to his morals and refused to fight and was met with abject cruelty. At that meeting, Zuko realizes that his father is wrong and that he was always wrong. He realizes that millions of people will suffer at the hands of this man who is so incredibly wrong and lacking in empathy. 

SO, keeping all that in mind. His redemption arc doesn’t stop when he switches sides, it keeps going as he makes individual amends with Aang, Sokka, and Katara. It keeps going as he learns from the dragons, as he chooses what he believes in over his girlfriend, as he risks his life to protect the gaang from Azula, and as he tries to help Aang, Sokka, and Katara find emotional closure in different aspects. He helps Aang overcome his fear of firebending. He helps Sokka regain his honor. And he helps Katara address her grief regarding her mother’s death. These four episodes are some of the best in the series because it’s not just Zuko working to make amends because he wants them to trust him, but it’s him empathizing with their trauma, their guilt, and their fear of failure because he’s been there. 

Alright, that’s a whole essay regarding why Zuko’s redemption arc works, now what does this have to do with Zutara? Here’s the deal: if any aspect of Zuko’s decisions for his redemption were influenced by romantic attraction to Katara, it would undermine the meaning of his choices for him. He made the choices to be better because he empathized with a nation of people who needlessly suffered. He made the choices to be better because he learned to cut himself off from the need to please his abusive father and accept the unconditional love of his uncle. His choice to help Katara find her mother’s murderer stemmed from empathy and his desire to be better than the people who hurt him and hurt others. The reason Katara’s resentment towards him hurt him so much was because he was trying so hard to be better than the people that were feared and hated. Katara treated him like Lee’s mom and Jet did when they realized he was a firebender (that being said, Katara was justified since Zuko’s decision to side with Azula resulted in the fall of Ba Sing Se and nearly resulted in Aang’s death), and he didn’t want to be that person. He didn’t want to be hated or feared anymore and he was willing to do anything to move past being viewed like that. So Katara’s decision to finally forgive him? It’s the point where she realizes he’s able to empathize with her over his mother’s death where her mother’s killer could not. She realized that he was different and had changed because he put the work in. And that’s huge for his redemption, not for any kind of forming relationship because that’s not the point. 

Now, concerning the whole found-family aspect I love so much? Zutara as a romantic pairing would undermine the beauty of Zuko’s ability to find a loving, supportive group of people that he was missing his entire life. Katara does not work as a romantic partner for Zuko because she works as his replacement sister. The fact is that Zuko’s actual family experience was founded on fear and not love, but the idea of “usefulness”. Zuko and Azula were only valued by Ozai so much as they were useful to him, which is why he favored (not loved) Azula, she was useful to him and Zuko wasn’t until he “slayed the Avatar”. Iroh (and Ursa for a time) was the only person who showed him unconditional love and support, but that wasn’t enough to snap him out of the need to please Ozai. Zuko rooted his entire self worth in what his family thought of him and engaged in very self-destructive behavior throughout season 1 to prove himself because he “didn’t want [his] father to think [he was] worthless”. Even throughout season 3, he still thinks that his uncle’s love for him is conditional (”my uncle hates me I I know it”) until he’s proven otherwise because that’s what he’s been taught. So him joining the gaang, that’s the first time in his life he’s really met with the concept of people liking him for himself, not for his ability to be useful (his family, Jet) or because they think he’s someone he’s not (Song, Lee, Jin). He’s met with friendship: people making fun of him in a playful way instead of tearing down his insecurities and vulnerabilities (”mind if I watch you too jerks do your jerkbending?” “so all we need to do is make Zuko angry, that should be easy enough”, “look, it’s baby Zuko!”, “actually I think [the play portrayal] is pretty spot-on”), people trying to help him fix his problems (”you need to go back to the original source”) instead of making him feel weak for not being able to solve those problems in the first place, and showing him express appreciation and encouragement (”you’re pretty smart”, “to Zuko, who knew after all the times he tried to snuff us out, today he’d be our hero”, “I’m going with Zuko!”). And that’s so. Damn. Important for his ability to heal after how he was treated for his entire life. He’s introduced to the idea that people want him to be around and they want to include him in their circle for being him. Up until the finale, he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to reconcile with Iroh or if Iroh will accept his forgiveness, but these people have given him a home in their group and he’s not afraid or insecure around a group of people for the first time in his life. 

And that’s why Katara has to be the one to defeat Azula: because Azula couldn’t be the sister Zuko had and Katara could be. It’s a tragedy that Zuko and Azula were driven apart by Ozai pitting them against each other, the corruption of firebending throughout the ages so it’s regarded for its power rather than its energy, and Azula’s own insecurities and fears of losing power because, like Zuko once did, she only considers herself to be worth anything so long as she’s better than him. The abuse he endured had an effect on her to because so long as she saw that Ozai’s “love” for Zuko was conditional, that meant that his “love” for her was conditional as well (”you can’t treat me like Zuko!”). Zuko and Azula could never support each other and they could never trust each other in the way that Sokka and Katara could. They wouldn’t sacrifice anything for each other because they were conditioned to survive, to leave behind the lesser sibling in order to get ahead. But at the Agni Kai, Zuko jumps in front of the lighting for Katara because unlike Azula, she has supported him since she forgave him and is there to back him up. She thinks he can be Firelord and she thought his uncle could forgive him in a way that Azula just never could. And that’s why Katara has to be the one to defeat Azula. Not because of any romantic attraction for Zuko, but because he’s protected Aang and Sokka and her and Toph and their little found family. It’s because he’s one of them. So in that moment where Azula is defeated, screaming and sobbing because she’s lost and that means that she’s the weaker sibling, she’s gone and it’s tragic. Zuko looks upon her and he wishes it didn’t have to be like this, but it is and it’s tragic. It didn’t have to be how it was but it did and it was awful and Azula is left broken, hating her brother with murderous fury. But he’s not alone.

He has a new sister who will protect him and fight for him when he’s lost his own. 

(addition: I want to make it clear that this does not mean I think Azula is irredeemable. Her actions and outlook are 100% a product of Ozai’s abuse, as I explained. I do not think that’s she’s beyond redemption, but by the finale she was still a villain and her goal was still to kill her brother so she could be Firelord. That’s not to say that she couldn’t have eventually healed and been able to reconcile with him, but by the final Agni Kai that’s not where their relationship was. The fact that she and Zuko had a toxic relationship was not her fault, but they still had a toxic relationship built on distrust and competition where Zuko and Katara’s friendship was built on support and protection. I am entirely sympathetic towards Azula, but just because she was redeemable doesn’t mean she was redeemed and just because there was potential for her and Zuko to eventually have a better relationship doesn’t mean that they did by the end of the series.) 

[gardenergulfie]

Emptober Day 6: Struggle

Rating: G

Word Count: 2639

Relationships: Geminitay & MythicalSausage

Characters: GeminiTay (Video Blogging RPF), MythicalSausage (Video Blogging RPF)

Tags: Mage Sibs, Post Corruption Mythical Sausage, Magic, Jealousy, When you swear off dark magic but also have a really hard time actually swearing off magic, plus one of your closest friends who killed you to save you is a mage, Sausage is not having a good day, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Relapsing, Dark Magic

Sausage remembered nights spent with these very books, trying to learn to cast. There was this one spell about appearance altering that Kid Sausage had always wanted to cast. He found that spellbook quickly, its dark navy cover a familiar sensation in his hands. Now that he had magic he really should try and cast him again, he’d just have to ask Xornoth-

Wait, no. Sausage didn’t do magic anymore. He’d sworn it off after being freed from Xornoth’s control. No matter how tempting it might be he wasn’t going back on his word. No more dark magic from Xornoth.

With no small amount of regret, he put the tome in the “Donate” pile. Some other more magically gifted kid would have a better use for it. Sausage continued to work, trying to keep his mind away from the thoughts of magic and spell casting. It was really hard, being in a tower filled with magic.

Emptober Day 6: Struggle

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AO3 Link

Fic below the cut

It was a good day for Sausage. The feeling of heavy exhaustion that weighed on him constantly ever since he’d been revived was mercifully light today. It had been so light that he had felt good enough to visit Gem and help her with rearranging her tower library. She had a lot of books she didn’t ever read anymore so she was cleaning them out and donating them. She’d been a bit hesitant to ask him for help because of how recently he was revived and her worry of him overexerting himself but he’d convincer that he was fine! She’d been visiting him almost every day for the past week and seen his improvement herself. Besides, moving books around couldn’t be that hard. Gem chucked when he said that out-loud and said he would need to reevaluate that once he saw some of her tomes on the theory of magic.

He was at Gem’s tower now. He had ducked into the building right after arriving, not wanting to spend too much time around the outsides or in his own memory. Gem had greeted him cheerfully from where she was levitating books into two piles.

“Sausage! You made it!” She said, ending her spell and walking over to green him properly. She’d stopped infant of I’m, not sure what the right greeting was for a friend-turned-enemy-turned-friend. He solved that problem by giving her a big hug.

“Its good to see you too, Gem! I’m excited to get to work here! It’s been a while since I left Mythland.” He said excitedly. Gem extracted herself from his bone crushing hug.

“I’m really glad you could make it.” She said genuinely. Sausage felt the same hurt he’d get for most conversations with Gem over these past few days since his resurrection. He’d hurt her and yet here she was, having forgiven him and back to being his friend. It was bittersweet.

“Yeah! I’m excited to get to work here. Was getting restless being cooped up in my home. What should I start with?” Sausage asked as a distraction from his own thoughts. Gem tapped her chin, thinking for a bit.

“Well I need to go a reread my Astrology tones to see which ones I need to keep and which ones I can give away. While I do that, can you sort the tomes in the Illusion section via author? I only want to keep the ones by Mia L Kracklewisp. They’re the best Illusionist and honestly I really don’t use Illusion spells a lot so the other ones are just gathering dust.” Gem explained. Sausage nodded.

“Can do! Just watch, I’ll be done in no time.” He promised. Gem started walking over to a table with a large amount of books on it. She turned her head back to call out.

“If you need anything just ask! I’m just over here, turning my brain into jelly as I try and pick which Astrology books I want to keep out of a decades old collection. Why did I buy so many Astrology tomes?” She muttered to herself as she sat down.

Sausage got to work. It was easy finding the Illusion spell section, just follow the smell of citrus. Most illusionists added secret notes between the margins of their spell books in invisible ink and most of that ink was made with a lemon base. Sausage remembered when he was younger, holding pages up to candle light as he deciphered the hidden messages. He’d read most if not all of Gem’s magic related books in his youth. Sausage remembered nights spent with these very books, trying to learn to cast. There was this one spell about appearance altering that Kid Sausage had always wanted to cast. He found that spellbook quickly, its dark navy cover a familiar sensation in his hands. Now that he had magic he really should try and cast him again, he’d just have to ask Xornoth-

Wait, no. Sausage didn’t do magic anymore. He’d sworn it off after being freed from Xornoth’s control. No matter how tempting it might be he wasn’t going back on his word. No more dark magic from Xornoth.

With no small amount of regret, he put the tome in the “Donate” pile. Some other more magically gifted kid would have a better use for it. Sausage continued to work, trying to keep his mind away from the thoughts of magic and spell casting. It was really hard, being in a tower filled with magic.

When he finished sorting, he set the books down on Gem’s table with a heavy thump. Gem looked up from the tome on Advanced Cosmology and Lunar Spell-casting she was skimming through and met Sausage’s eyes.

“That was rather fast.” She said, looking at the pile of Illusion spell books on the table. “I must not have that many Illusion tomes.”

“You actually have a pretty good library of them. Most of them are just written by that one author you like so I left them there.” Sausage didn’t mention the fact that he knew exactly what author she liked and that he admired the spellwork they did. Better not to think about magic right now.

“Huh.” Gem said, peeking over Sausage’s shoulder to see the other, much larger pile of books behind him. “Well you’ve finished that task. It’s getting close to midday and I need to finish skimming this book before lunch. You’re free to do whatever you like until then.” She paused before continuing. “I know we’re having goat meat wraps with a chorus fruit pudding. There’s more than enough for two, if you’d like to stay for that.”

“Oh free food? Yeah I’ll stay.” Sausage responded before his brain could fully catch up. He was given free rein of the library while Gem was busy reading and he was trying not to think about magic. This was a bad combination. Gem went back to her reading and Sausage started walking around. He wasn’t looking at the book titles, merely moving around as to distract himself better. It really wasn’t working. Sausage was seeing books labeled “Conjuring Cakes: a Guide to Summoning Edible Food” and “Moss, Lichens and Molds: the Most Fabulous Herbology spells” and “Boommaking: How to Crush Your Enemies with Explosive Magic” (he was pretty sure that last one was a gift from fWhip). He found himself grabbing interesting tomes as he went, ones that would be useful to Mythland or just plain fun for him. Reading them couldn’t hurt, he’d read most of them before. He just needed something to past the time.

Sausage curled up in an armchair with his pick of tomes on the table beside him. He quickly lost himself in the spellwork, reading about complicated equations and runes. It was all great stuff but very familiar. Sausage remembered spending hours with Gem reading these kinds of books while fWhip was out tinkering. The two of them would curl up together to read these thick tomes after school. They both would dream about magic and what they would do when they could cast.

Of course, only one of them got that ability in the end. Gem had been blessed and Sausage had been left behind, no spark of magic in him at all. While Gem trained under the greatest mages in the world, Sausage was stuck rereading the same books, knowing that he’d never be able to cast these spells. It had made him so angry and bitter then and he could feel those emotions rising up again. It wasn’t fair that Gem got lucky while Sausage didn’t. Sausage deserved that magic just as much as Gem did.

Sausage looked back down at the page he wad reading, the paper showing a spell of levitation, the same spell Gem had been using earlier. Sausage remembered how easy casting had been under Xornoth’s control. Even before he was fully taken over, Sausage had been given a book of dark magic that even someone with no inane magic ability could use. There had been a levitation spell in there too.

Sausage wasn’t supposed to cast anymore, he swore off magic, even going so far as to give Gem the Great Staff of Mythland, the one other thing that let Sausage use magic. He was powerless now because he had been corrupted by that power before. He knew he wasn’t supposed to use dark magic anymore but he just felt so angry now. One spell wouldn’t hurt. Just a simple dark magic spell, not even calling on Xornoth, a spell of his own power.

Sausage started mumbling the incantation under his breath. His blood felt warm, uncomfortably so, but the book in his hand began to rise. There was a sound, the sound of someone’s surprised shout, but Sausage hear it fully, too caught up in the magic. He laughed loudly in joy. He’d done it! The powerless Mythlander still could cast magic! He wasn’t even using Xornoth’s power, not really. Even with his blood burning, he still felt too much glee.

“-age! Sausage! SAUSAGE!” He turned around to see Gem, anger at her for interrupting him fading away when he saw her face. She was holding her staff in front of her, magic beginning to swirl around it, and her fave showed only fear. Fear that he’d lost it again, fear that the demon was back, fear that she’d have fight him again.

The force of his guilt hit Sausage in that moment and he dropped the spell. He’d done what he wasn’t supposed to. He’d used magic and scarred the one person who’d forgiven him, the person who killed him to save him. What had he done?

“Gem… I…” Sausage stuttered out, trying to explain himself before stopping. There was nothing he needed to explain, nothing that could excuse his actions. He’d broken his own rule of no magic and it was his own fault.

“I’m going to go outside.” He said, standing up. Gem’s eyes followed him as he walked to the door, only able to shake the fear away and call out after him when he was already outside. Sausage hoped onto the mountain popper and started walking through the snow. He avoided the hatchery, Gem certainly wouldn’t want him anywhere near it after the scene he’d just made. His boots crunched against the icy snow as he just walked. Eventually he grew weary and had to sit down, the exhaustion catching up tp him again. He sat there on a rock for a while, just feeling upset and mad at himself.

“Sausage?” Gem had finally found him, the faun wizard walking up to him. When he turned to face her she stopped, seeing his face. He hadn’t been crying but he was sure that he didn’t look great. The negative effects dark magic have on the body was surely not doing him any favors either. The two of them stood in silence for a bit, neither of them speaking or moving closer or farther away from the other.

“….what was that back there? You were just reading and then suddenly you were casting dark magic. Did the book do something to you? Was Xornoth controlling you again?” Gem asked hesitantly, still nervous to speak. Sausage took a deep breath in. Alright then, he would explain. She deserved an explanation.

“No Gem it won’t either of those things. It was just me.” He started. “I was just caught up in all the magic, all the things you can do that I can’t and I felt angry. I let that anger influence me into make a bad decision. I broke my promise. I said no magic and yet i still cast magic, even worse dark magic.” Sausage hung his head. “Its just so hard when I see you doing it so easily and I know that I can too if I just break my promise and give in.”

Gem listened to his admission, understanding crossing her face. “It must be hard, knowing that you can do it but not letting yourself. How long have you been holding that back? How long have you wanted to cast dark magic after you promised not too?” Gem asked, sitting down next to him. Sausage thought of the weeks since his revival, of the habitual casting of magic and only just managing to stop himself, the constant thoughts that everything would easier if he just let himself do magic, the childhood daydreams of him turning into a mage that he had repressed long ago returning in full force. Honestly it was a miracle that he hadn’t given into his urges before this and also that he’d been able to stop so easily.

“I’ve wanted to do magic forever, my whole life. When I finally could, I used it whenever I could. When I was cured, I promised that I wouldn’t do it anymore. But honestly, I still wanted to do it.” He explained. “There were so many moments where I barely managed to stop myself form using it! It’s been calling to me ever since I tried to give it up. Every day I go without it makes me want it more. And I know it’s bad, I know it has horrible side effects and could put me back under the control of Xornoth but even still I still want to use it!” Sausage’s voice raised as he grew heated about this. Gem listened, always nonjudgmental.

“It isn’t going to be easy to just stop using magic. There’s been stories of mages who start using it and can’t bring themselves to stop, not for long. But there have also been stories of mages who have been ale to give it up, this is something you can do Sausage. This bothers you, not being able to cast magic, and you feel like you can’t fight it. But you can!” Sausage watched as Gem spoke. Normally Gem talking about his struggles with magic and her encouraging him came off as bossy and made him upset, but he wasn’t upset now. It seemed that Gem really wanted to help him. “We can find people to help keep you accountable, stop you from relapsing. We’ll remind you of how well you’re doing and how far you’ve come. We’ll try and figure out other solutions to your problem of wanting to use magic. We don’t have to rely on dark magic and you don’t have to swear off all magic, we can find something that works for you. I couldn’t find a way to help you do magic in the past but I’m stronger now. We can do this. You don’t have to struggle alone.” Gem’s voice was filled with determination and passion. Sausage fully believed that she’d try and help him. He really didn’t deserve this, not after he hurt her so much. Sausage pulled Gem in for another hug, giving her a tight squeeze that he hoped conveyed everything he was feeling that he just couldn’t say. Gem hugged him back.

“This really means a lot, Gem, thank you.” Sausage said honestly as he released Gem from the hug and stood up. He helped the shorter faun to her feet as she spoke.

“Of course! You’re my friend! I was to help you!.” Sausage felt the same bittersweet emotions he kept feeling but this time they leaned more towards sweet. She’s right, he wasn’t alone. Maybe he could fix what he messed up.

“Yeah.” Sausage said. “Now that the emotional talk is over, can we go back and get lunch? You said they were going to have goat meat wraps and I am so hungry for those right now. I might even just grab a wild goat and eat it right now.” Gem laughed at Sausage’s joke and together the two them headed back towards the tower

[notabloodmage]

Anders Clinic: early Act 1

hello! i am handers trash! here is the first time my hawke helped Anders around the clinic! thank u!

The clinic was crowded today. There was another fever burning its way through Darktown. Anders was stretched thin as it is, with very few volunteers in recent days to help him keep the clinic running and safely hidden. As it turned out-- operating for free meant that help was hard to find. His mana was low, even with the extra reserves that Justice granted him. The clinic was overrun with patients-- his little corner of Darktown a filled with a cacophony of retching and the groans of the ill. He shuffled tiredly, but with purpose, from patient to patient. He was grateful that Justice wouldn’t let him rest until the job was done. It wasn’t good for Anders, sure, but it helped save the lives of all these people, so it had to be worth it, right? 

“Uh, Anders?” A familiar voice broke through the crowd. Hawke was… unexpected. The little rogue had weaved her way through the crowd somehow to make it to his side. He didn’t even look up from his work to greet here, focusing on blue fade-energy pulsing at his fingertips. 

“Sorry, Hawke, but I really don’t think I can be of any help to you today,” Anders said balefully. He was knelt over an old woman, a Ferelden refugee not unlike the rogue before him.

“Er, actually, I was wondering if I could help you…” 

That made him look up, and the sight was so beautiful it made his head spin (or perhaps it was the fact that he was going on 50+ hours without sleep). 

Hawke was looking down with her signature crooked grin, brow cocked with concern at his appearance. She wasn’t wearing her armour like usual, he’d never seen her without it before, all that tan freckled skin in the open. She was wearing a casual peasant shirt with a hastily lased collar and simple trousers torn at the knees. He snapped his eyes onto her warm brown gaze to keep them from wandering. Her eyes always had a twinkle in them, somehow, like she knew something you didn’t. 

She just had a way with people, Anders supposed, even the woman he was treating seemed to relax at her mere presence. 

And more than that, he realised, she may as well have been handing him a pot of gold. She was holding out a basket of fresh picked herbs. Elfroot, Embrium, Blood Lotus-- everything he could possibly need to treat this flu. She beamed when he looked up at her incredulously. 

“Bethany is here too, somewhere-- healing isn’t her speciality but Father did teach her the basics. And I may not be a mage, but I do know my way around a cauldron.” She winked down at him, turning toward the back of the shop. “You do have a cauldron, right? Or at least a pot I can cook with?” 

“I… What?” Anders gaped--half-convinced the exhaustion had finally gotten to him and he was hallucinating. Hawke giggled.

“A cauldron, Anders, so I can make some healing potions for these people. Father used to make this awful potion for us whenever we were sick, it tastes like the void itself but it always works! I’m not as good as he was but I do know the recipe!” She looked back at him quizzically.

“There’s a cauldron on the fire near the back, miss.” One of his other patients, a young boy who had been in the clinic before spoke up for him. 

Anders still couldn’t believe this was happening. This couldn’t be some kind of stress-induced hallucination, could it? Hawke wasn’t really just sweeping in to solve his problems again was she? First with Karl and now this...

“That’s… I…”

Before Anders could fully process the situation he was whisked back into his work. 

The sunset bled the day into night, the work still hard but going significantly more smoothly now. He’d bumped shoulders with Bethany a few times throughout the day, who’d always given him an encouraging smile before returning to her work, she may not have been as adept as he was at healing but she did better than fine. Her proficiency with the elements kept the fire burning and kept them supplied with clean water so Anders could focus solely on his healing abilities. The atmosphere of the clinic had changed, it was no longer so frantic, and although he felt as though he was about to collapse with exhaustion, Anders was cautiously optimistic. With all the help they’d been able to give it looked like most of the refugees would actually survive this. 

Plus, Hawke wasn’t kidding. She did know her way around a cauldron. Between patients Anders caught glimpses at her slicing up herbs at an alarming speed, Anders hadn’t considered that he proficiency with daggers would translate to something as mundane as chopping up potion ingredients. She’d brought more than enough, too.  With this potion a little goes a long way, she’d assured him, and she proved herself right. Sip after agonising sip of the sludge-like fluid had patients perking up already. She’d even been able to slip in a lyrium potion or two to keep Bethany and Anders running late into the evening. 

She hummed a cheery little tune to herself as she stirred away, serving patients with a smile and a joke. She made it look so easy, but she had to tired by now...

The clinic finally began to slow around midnight, most of the patients had cleared out and those that remained were asleep. Hawke had sent Bethany home before sundown-- Leandra got nervous when Bethany was out late, apparently-- so it was just the two of them that remained, in the back of the clinic. Anders was warming himself by the fireplace, hands gripping his mug tightly to keep them from trembling with exhaustion, as he sipped the tea Hawke had pushed into his hands. It smelled like like home somehow-- Ferelden. 

Mint, fennel and elfroot, sweetened with honey.

Hawke bit back a yawn, she was sat on a stool, scrubbing out his old cauldron-- he’d gotten it second-hand after he’d set up shop down here.

Her curly brown hair was tied back with a white rag, and at some point she had lost her overshirt, leaving her in tight camisole. Anders tried desperately to ignore how it gave him the perfect view of the way her chest heaved as she worked. Her toned, tanned arms were in full view, every inch of her skin patterned intricately with freckles. Sweat dripped down her neck into the valley between her breasts and Anders cleared his throat in an attempt to clear his thoughts.

“Thank you for today, really. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.” He fixed his gaze on hers once more. She was smiling at him with something that looked like admiration her amber eyes, and he didn’t know if that terrified him or turned him on. 

Maybe both.

“I can’t believe you do this every day… I don’t even think I can stand back up…” Hawke leaned back, setting the cauldron aside so she could stretch, letting out a sweet sound of satisfaction at the relief on her sore muscles.

Anders nearly cursed aloud when Justice forced him to avert his gaze.

“It’s not always this bad…” He stammered out, as Hawke stood focusing his eyes on the hearth, where the fire had burned down to coals. She was looking at him again. He could see it from the corner of his eye, she was studying him intently, it seemed. 

The silence hung over them--warm, wanting, and not quite comfortable. 

Anders wanted to thank her again, but he couldn’t find the words. He still couldn’t believe she’d come at all. Completely unprompted, unasked. He’d asked her a few hours in what she was doing there and all she’d said was that Varric told her was busy at the clinic and she wanted to help. She didn’t say how she got the herbs or found the time, in her busy schedule though, and Anders thought that maybe he should ask if he could pay for those... not that he could afford them, he thought bitterly. 

The silence was broken by Hawke bursting into a fit of giggles. 

He looked at her, brow creasing. She was… Odd. Always smiling, always laughing at something or other. She’d tripped over her feet on the way up the Chantry steps that first night they’d met and he could’ve sworn her laugh echoed through all of Hightown, far too loud for someone as small in stature as she. In that moment she’d put him at ease, and even though his meeting with Karl went as terribly as it did she stuck by his side, even inviting him out on jobs with her in the days after, knowing full well that he could use the money, and time out of Darktown. 

Her eyes glimmered with mirth as she turned to him.

“I just realised I never told you my name.”

Huh. 

So she hadn’t. 

It was strange, given how much they’d been through together in the, what, few weeks? Since they’d met? Anders found himself laughing alongside her. 

Maybe they were delirious-- maybe the fever had finally caught up to them-- but Maker did the two of them laugh.  A gross, hard day full of grief and sickness that had left them both worn and covered in vomit and the pair laughed themselves to tears. 

Justice was confused. Anders was laughing. Why was Anders laughing? 

Anders didn’t quite know the answer himself, but he figured it didn’t matter as Hawke extended a hand to him. 

“I’m Minerva Marian Hawke, and you are?”

He took her hand in his. His handshake was a little too firm in an attempt to disguise how his hands were trembling. 

“Anders. Just Anders.”

“Just Anders, hm? Coooool~” She grinned, voice regaining its familiar teasing quality. He couldn’t help but return her grin. “Well, Just Anders, I’ll come by tomorrow, okay? I think it’s time to get some rest. Both of us, okay?” Her eyes flickered over him, an expression of genuine concern on her face. Anders didn’t know what he’d done to earn such kindness from her, but he couldn’t deny the way it made his heart pound in his chest.

She smiled her farewell and turned to leave.

“Goodnight, Minerva.” Her name tasted sweet on his lips. “And thank you.”

[pocketfulofrogers]

Love Me Anyways

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Summary: What is there to say? You’re a dark and twisty assassin and Steve Rogers is definitely... not that. When you get an opportunity to run, will you take it?

Notes: Tiny bit of smut and angst with a happy ending. If you feel like you’ve seen/read this before, you may have. I’m reorganizing and this was previously part 1 of Haunted Woman, Broken Lover. When I originally wrote this, it was meant to be a one off, but sad endings don’t always feel right. I then struggled to turn it into a series, so here is HWBL reimagined with a different ending as a one shot. The series will still be a thing, but now I actually feel good about it!

They call you a ghost. It isn’t for the way you seem to slip through walls or the way you look at death as a reflection. It’s the hollowness of your eyes that earns you the nickname. Hazed over orbs coated in grey.

Clint asks you if they’ve always been that color, you tell him you can’t remember anymore.

Fury lets you run your own thing after you agree to attach yourself to the badge. He’d rather not know how exactly you get the job done, so long as you’re on their side.

You’re solo most of the time, it’s better that way.

They learn quickly how deadly you are, leaving your enemies questioning the validity of your existence and holding the same vacant stare as you. It wasn’t just physical injuries you specialized in.

The first time you met Steve Rogers was an accident. You had a rogue Armenian scientist tied up in his basement. He had been about to run when you appeared at his kitchen table, and, for a moment, you thought a heart attack might get him before you could.

You were sat before him, leaned forward with your tools on a bench beside you. A small blade aching to break skin sat hot between your fingers, but so far, your words had been enough. Steve opened the door, barreled down the steps, and stopped in his tracks. You locked eyes with him and, in a flash, you saw something hauntingly familiar within the blue.

That’s when something inside you shifted.

He took one look at the scene before him and shut it down immediately. You slipped away when he called it in and left no trace of your existence except for a long thin line gushing red from the scientist’s throat.

Steve find’s the plans for a chemical attack on his desk that night and where to find each accomplice wrapped in a pretty bow of nylon. Alive, your note assures him.

“She’s like a cat. Brings home dead things to show her affection.” Clint says one day. You promptly shove an elbow in his gut.

He learns how to spot your work past blubbering grown men and catatonic stares. Natasha tells him you hold your liquor well, Clint comments on your gambling abilities. He asks if your eyes are naturally that color, they tell him you don’t like to answer that question.

Later he asks Fury how they found you. He’s not sure how you became what you are today, but he knows this world has not treated you well, yet here you are, working to protect it regardless of what had been done to you. That’s the only reason he didn’t order Clint to take you out.

“So, she’s good?” Steve asks.

Fury pauses for a moment. “For our sake, I hope so.”

The next time you see Steve Rogers, you’re slinking through the Triskelion halls trying to stick your nose somewhere it probably doesn’t belong. He bumps into you, grabs your arm and your side to steady you. You know he can feel the scars beneath the thin material of your shirt and jump from his touch.

He shakes it off. “Tell me,” He starts. “Do you have an actual name or are you really just a ghost.”

You think for a moment. “Y/N.” He raises a brow, both your voice and an answer surprising him. “What, were you expecting a cryptic answer on the relativity of life and death or something?”

He chuckles. “Guess not.”

A moment later, he gets distracted, turns a way for a split second and then you’re gone.

“Yeah, she does that.” An agent passing by comments.

You continue on your path, leave him the gift of a solved problem on his desk sometimes. He sets up cameras and lasers, trying to catch you just once. It takes him a few months to realize the janitor drops the files and notes for him. You and Natasha laugh at his expense.

He starts to leave files in various places he knows only you could find. The worst of the worst. Men and women he thinks you’d be happy to cross off. You can’t tell if he leaves them for you, or because they’re just terrible people. Either way, the change in narrative surprises you, but you never bring it up. You’re the last person that would ever judge someone.

Natasha taunts him over it.

“It’s a modern-day love story with an assassin twist.”

“Why not that one?” “She doesn’t like Oklahoma.” “How do you know that?”

“She sent booze as thanks for your last tip. Are your cheeks seriously red right now, Rogers?”

Eventually, you concede and stop leaving him only the locations of gift-wrapped bodies with detailed lists of committed crimes. Complete with proof, of course, you weren’t lazy. You start to send him alive leads, people that can be questioned. Sometimes they’re unharmed, usually they’re mostly coherent. He’s surprised by the change in narrative, but he never brings it up. Sometimes people change, but that was none of his business.

Natasha is sure to point it out, though, consistently.

“You see him more than anyone else.” “That’s not true!” “…” “He’s here more than you, so it’s only by default.”

“Wait, you left that guy alive?” “Steve needs to question him.” “What about that one guy I needed answers from?” “You didn’t say please.”

“I’ve known you longer.” “He leaves me sex traffickers.”

When a body comes up dead that shouldn’t have, your signatures blatantly displayed, they send him to bring you in. He doesn’t believe for a second you could kill a kid, but he’s the only one who can get close enough. Fury’s only half sure you won’t kill him.

You battle with the idea of running, knowing they’ll never find you if you don’t want them to. You saw the evidence; you knew you were screwed. Fury told you from the very beginning that if he ever sensed you had turned, he’d take you out. No warning, no questions. Still, you wait patiently in your living room.

The window by the fire escape opens and Steve slides through, tip toes his way in and around the corner only to find you sitting there, an amused smirk tugging your lips.

“What calf exercises do you do? They look fantastic.”

He rolls his eyes and catches site of the artwork around him, the soft whites and greys of your walls and furniture giving spotlight to their colors. He never even considered you could have a home. You follow his gaze and shrug. Assassins can have taste too.

“The diplomat’s son, did you kill him?” He asks. You watch him silently. “Fury thinks you did.”

You walk slowly towards him, watch him curiously and tilt your head. “And if I did?” You prompt.

“I have orders to bring you in.”

You’re a breath away now, gliding your fingers along the Kevlar of his arm and trailing your way to his jaw. You trace his collar with a fingertip, watch as the pulse of his jugular quickens. You look up at him and he swallows thickly.

“And if I don’t want to?” You graze tentative fingers along the edge of his jawline. “Tell me, Captain, would you kill me?”

He hopes the eagerness in your voice is misplaced, the envy misinterpreted. Or perhaps the girl who surrounds herself with death does it with the idea that it may one day take her.

You don’t give him the opportunity to dive into that rabbit hole.

When you place your lips on his, soft and remnant of something sweet, he can only taste the brilliance of life. He wraps himself around you, slips in his tongue when you’re startled by his sudden switch. You thought you’d leave him shaken enough to slip away, disappear with the rising sun.

But now? Now you’re just as hungry for him.

He carries you, lays you across your bed. He runs the pad of his thumb along every scar left behind by a blade, places a kiss on each one from a bullet. You knot you fingers in his hair as he drags his tongue up the inside of your thigh, scream his name when he brings you higher than you’ve ever been before.

When he slides into you and stretches you deliciously so, you allow yourself to feel just this once. He catches the shift in your eyes, convinces himself his mind is playing tricks on him when the grey haze appears to fade.

He moves slow before he finds his pace. You dig fingernails into his back and trail them down hard enough to make him hiss. He nips you from shoulder to jaw, hips rocking into you, and you swear nothing has ever felt this good.

You lay there in silence, sweat coated limbs still entangled. He sighs heavily and you just know he’s about to ruin the moment.

“Stay.” You whisper. He looks down at you wrapped around him. “I’ll go with you in the morning, just stay tonight.”

He tightens his grip on your bicep and nods. “Ok.”

You’re still awake when dawn breaks, you had gotten lost in the simple rhythm of his heartbeat. A dream that one day life could be even just an imitation of normal. The thought makes you sad more than anything else.

You slip from his arms, grab a bag, and pack the essentials. Watching him sleep, he seems so peaceful, so good. You ache to wake him and stick around long enough to fix this mess. He deserves that.

Could you do it? Forget your past and pretend to be anything other than the hollow shell those before carved you into?

Ah, but this was your MO. Slip away in the dark when things took a turn either way. ‘Flight risk’ has always been written on the back of your eyelids. You weren’t quite sure why you felt you owed Steve more, but you did.

He awakes to a bright sun and a cold spot beside him. There’s a torn piece of paper where your head should’ve been. He brushes his thumb over his name and opens it. It states your innocence and exactly who he should be looking for, where to find them. At the bottom is a separate line.

‘Careful, Captain, or I just might be your future.’

Three years later.

You grab the tiny umbrella in your drink to twirl the ice around again. Undoubtedly a nervous habit you picked up in response to the very crowded beach bar you’re currently sitting at.

It was an alert you received in the middle of the night notifying you of your cleared name a year ago. You can’t be sure how whoever it was reached you, but the screenname ‘Tiny Dancer’ gave you a few ideas.

In that moment, reading those last two words you’re free, something changed. Perhaps it was months of being on the run from people who you allowed to know you well enough to track you that left you felling so drained. 

Of course, you thought about the beautiful man you left behind first, knowing that there was no one in this world who would fight harder for your freedom. You wanted to go find him, you really did, but you couldn’t deny the fact that you felt different this time. Like maybe this was your chance to start over. A chance to live a life that had been stolen from you so long ago. 

The bartender, a lovely middle aged man who strictly wore floral button ups, watches you down the rest of your drink and is quick with the refill. You try to thank him, but he waves you off.

“Anything for my favorite customer.” 

You push your bottom lip out in an exaggerated pout. “Are we not friends by now?”

He barks out a laugh and leans forward against the bar in front of you. “Friends get invited to drink with me, which you do almost everyday. Family gets invited to the cookout. Which is Sunday, by the way. Show up early and bring an appetite.” He shoots you a playful wink before pushing off to help another customer. 

You lean your head back slightly to feel the warmth of the sun and tune into the sound of the crashing waves. It’s the lightest you think you may have ever felt with the sand sticking to your bare legs and salt water in your hair.

Nothing could interrupt this perfectly blissful moment. 

Well, almost nothing.

“Sand looks good on you.” A deep voice says beside you and you smile, face still tilted towards the sun.

“Took you longer than I thought.” You turn to Steve still smiling. “How long can you stay?”

He moves his sunglasses from his eyes to the top of his head and looks around for a moment taking in the view. When he turns back to you, the smile that breaks across his face almost stops your heart.

“As long as you’ll let me.”