#she should have killed and eaten him
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jesse-pinko · 12 hours ago
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Sometimes I think about Skyler White realizing she’d been in love with a stranger, married to a stranger, raising her first child with a stranger all those years, a stranger who was never the man she’d given him credit for being, a stranger who resented and looked down on her the whole time she’d thought they were in love. Somebody she’d known and loved and trusted for years, somebody she’d built a life with, simply turned on her one day and began to hurt her. How do you reconcile with that? How do you look back on those happier years of your life, your son’s whole childhood, with anything but bitterness and regret and the feeling that it was all a lie? And it doesn’t even make me feel better that she’s fictional, because it’s so much more realistic than the cheesy propagandist white-woman-preyed-on-by-a-stranger setup you see so often in media. Plenty of women build the foundation of their lives on the reasonable assumption that their partners love them and see them as full people, meanwhile their partners only view them and any children they have together as extensions of themselves. Men who annihilate their whole families when money problems arise or when they find a younger woman to make a “fresh start” with, men who get violent once their partner stops being a shiny toy and now they have to engage with a real flesh-and-blood person with real flaws and feelings and expectations. Even men who don’t get violent, even men who trade in their partner for a newer model once the midlife crisis hits bc their Wife was always a role to them and never a person, time to recast. There are so many Walter Whites in the world, and a shit million of them were on Reddit in the early 2000s wishing death on this woman for not indulging her abusive husband’s Scarface fantasy at the expense of her and her children’s lives. Sometimes I think about Skyler White and I get so sad my chest starts to hurt. Sometimes I think about Skyler White and I think more women should be allowed to rip their husbands throats out with their teeth
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woodsborostabathon · 3 months ago
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“how could richie’s family possibly want to avenge him when he groomed and murdered people” well first of all he did neither of those things so let’s start there
#not for lack of trying mind you#he just failed spectacularly in both respects#amber was dogwalking him and richie had ONE count of one victim to handle#excluding sam at the hospital#and well. he did not get her! 😭#i refuse to attribute vince or wes to him idgaf#sure yeah makes total sense that the guy who was across town at the hospital#would sneak out while his gf is asleep go stab this dude clean up come back sit down put on a movie#all without disturbing anything or being noticed#versus the chick who was already at the bar. and supposed to be heading home LMFAO#same w wes n judy bc#amber was already at the house#richie was across town w a half eaten pizza cozy laid up watching yt#‘but the kill styles-’ be serious. we are all grown.#i should not have to tell you that one person can hold/use a knife in two diff ways on two diff occasions. as if amber was like#physically incapable of jabbing the knife in once and leaving bc she went too stab happy every other time b4.#i dont doubt he did a lot of the phone calls but the physical work??#nah. brother he was just there for the ride. accessory at most kinda#how is he a serial killer if he made some calls while his girl killed everyone#if richie watched amber cook would that make him a chef??#okay but in all seriousness kinda 😭#wrt that OR the grooming which. im not even gonna get into.#argue w the wall or radio silence bc ur not finna argue w me!#when its CONFIRMED she just manipulated richie into believing it was his idea!#i do believe he thought he WAS in fact playing her. he was just wrong bc she had him by the balls like 😭#richie INNOCENT except not bc he was the real victim but bc he literally#tried and failed 95% of the time at villainy 😭#still outsold j*ll but thats another matter!#ceci speaks
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my-thoughts-and-junk · 8 months ago
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reading dungeon meshi
#random thoughts#it has the kind of plot i hate where you retread the same plot point repeatedly while making progress elsewhere#like hi falin bye falin#like i cared about them finding falin. then they found her. and now she's gone again.#i don't like marcille but in like. a compelling way. she's my favorite archetype of character who is specifically female for some reason?#lady who thinks her way is the right way and she's morally right and therefore everyone else is wrong#high conscientiousness with low openness to experience. see themselves as agreeable dutiful and restrained while not being any of that#they tend to take on moralistic causes but they usually don't have a defined reason for WHY they're doing it so it just comes off as preachy#and the narrative tends to take their side with no basis in why#like when marcille tried to prove herself with the mandrakes and put everyone in danger and senshi conceded he was ALSO in the wrong???#and even marcille was like 'that wasn't my point at all'#that entire chapter made me mad it was so good#it's also doing that thing i hate when a piece of media introduces too many characters at once#like who's who what's what who is important who should i remember#i love the detail put into the cooking sessions!!!#i love how all the characters are so fucked up and not even in plot-important ways#like chilchuck's cowardice is very important to the plot but senshi was straight-up willing to let a man die for his flavorful cooking lmao#laios is. my man. i need him carnally.#i get that the whole 'got eaten by dragon' thing was not meant to be the Whole Plot but i feel like the background plot is just not my thing#either that or it wasn't set up in a compelling enough way?#idk. im still reading#all in all i think dungeon meshi might just not be my thing? plot-wise i mean. i love the characters and the general premise#of monster biology and environmentalism and cooking and augh#i don't like how everytime senshi corrects marcille on something so far he ends up going 'i guess i also need to learn a thing or two'#like on the mandrakes? the man has FIELD EXPERIENCE he was entirely in the right to prefer his method!!!#and on the environment thing? first of all marcille's whole thing is building artificial dungeons she SHOULD care about the food chain#SECOND OF ALL telling marcille she shouldn't kill so many fishmen isn't playing GOD or whatever#that kraken was a fucking. extenuating circumstance. it was literally there just to make marcille's argument credible#animals killing each other through the food chain is different from marcille using what is essentially a rocket launcher#god i ran out of tags. peace and luv bruvs 🤟 kind of have a hate crush on marcille now. need her
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hauntingblue · 10 months ago
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Hiyori is the most effective person to complete their kill so far
#kid is having flashbacks over struggled breathing and silence its so over.... omg that was so good.....#nvm kid has TWO women on his crew... he is on par with luffy now... law... 👁👁#omg her arm is broken..... THE BONES???? jesus#good technique but what is law cutting..... now thats something else big mom..... damn... cant law shambles kid out of there.... poor man#oh that was a good one law.... but kid is OUT also WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT SWORD GOING????? he is getting haki punched all over the body...#and what does that do law.... what the hell.... oh i was thinking that..... goodbye big mom.... funny how all of the big guns have been yee#ed of the island.... also wdym to be continued.... goddamn. well next episode then#talking tag#watching one piece#episode 1066#i have been saying kid should have repelled her out of the island 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️ can't help it if my brain is so big..... well nvm...#big mom saying they like her.... jusg like kaido said to luffy akdhsk#oh jeez soul pocus.... oh nvm CORA INSPIRED ATTACK????#yamato be careful omg.... fuck it kanjuros fire thing is dying hell yes.... BIG MOM OUT!!! HELL YES!!!!! 67 children orphaned just like tha#also who was the brave soul that asked roger about hia treasure..... absolute legend.....#wdym you can find the one piece in wano... what the hell is big mom spewing....ohhh i get it i get it.. she found it...#it really is the friends she made along the way.... but she can't see it..... too focused on the lava pit she is falling into...#omg and no one notices because of the silento..... that was such a slay.....#PAUSE. zunisha was a joyboy friend who commited a crime??? how does momo know about joyboy.... the diary?? oden knew??? i forgor#episode 1067#franky got zoro.... no izo noooo....... why..... PRIORITIES!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO WHYYYYYYY!!!!!! IZO WHYYYYYYYY!!!#marco saying he is tried of helping people and will just chill there.... IZO IS DEAD!!!! MARCO????!!!!! if big mom is dead how is zeus stil#drake you better kill that man take izo and run.... why are you playing in a moment like this akdhaksj... girl she is going to kill you#YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!! SHE GOT HIM!!!!! SHE GOT HIM!!!! FUCK YES!!!!!!!!! HELL YEAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!! FUCK THAT MAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!#FUCK YEAHHH HIYORI!!!!!! THE SONG!!!!!#episode 1068#YEAAAH DRAKE GET HIM!!!!! oh shit in the neck....#luffy got eaten again..... oh jesus....#NOT EVEN KAIDO LIKES THE CP0 BUT HE GOT LUFFY!!!! KAIDI REGRETS IT EVEN!!!! EXACTLY!!! izo died trying to get them to stop#episode 1069
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liselke · 1 year ago
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my very unpopular opinion is that. i really dont like the doctor/rose romance i just cant stomach it that girl is 19 years old. i love rose as a working class icon i really dont like her romance with the doctor. shes a 19 year old girl that gets swept up in this whole new magical world by a thousand year old alien i dont want to see him kiss her on the mouth im sorry. i dont want to see him become the point of her life i dont want to see her end up with a new traumatised again copy of him as a good ending with seemingly no problems
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solelifauna · 3 months ago
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With Bared Teeth & Prayers (Yandere Batfam X Neglected Reader) (Dark!!! Werewolf AU) (PT. 1)
TW: Mentions/allusions to cannibalism, death, and violence.
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Three years had passed since that fateful day and your life had only gotten more miserable. Whatever hopes you had for being a part of a family were thwarted as soon as you stepped foot in the household. Bruce doesn't care about you, Dick was straight up mean, Jason (as the pack protector) was aggressive, Tim found you annoying, and Damien simply loathed your existence and would join Dick with his cruelty.
Both Stephanie and Barbara were civil with you, but neither really cared about what you did. Cassandra was nice, sometimes signing to you and giving you scented clothing, but she still didn't really go out of her way to engage with you. The only person who you felt truly cared about you was Alfred.
The first two years you tried your hardest to fit in and get the others to like you. You did whatever they wanted, made sure to learn their interests so you could talk to them, never complained, and made sure to respect the pack's boundaries.
You hoped that eventually, you’d all move past this hurdle and soon you would get along and be allowed in the pack den and other pack activities. Unfortunately, you realized that you would never be considered part of the family or the pack. Which as heartbreaking as it was, was the least of your worries.
You see, there was an ancient custom in werewolf culture concerning new pack members and pack initiation. When a new werewolf is introduced to a pack and their territory, the new werewolf has a certain amount of time to be accepted into the pack; if they’re not, well, they're killed and eaten. 
Yeah… quite terrifying and barbaric if you think about it, but mostly only the old lineages still continue this practice. Which is why you’re absolutely fucked. See, typically when children come to a pack they get accepted immediately, pups were (usually) considered precious.
In your case, being a half-blood severely reduced your chances and well, you guessed the Wayne family just didn't like you. Which sucks because you only have until your 18th birthday to get them to accept you, and considering your 16th birthday was coming up, your time was coming to a close. 
Or, you could always just run away. Hey! It was an option, one that you weren't sure the Bats would even let happen. Still it was worth a try. Which leads to your current situation in Bruce's office; you were trying to cut your losses a little early.
~~~~~~
“Look, I just feel as though this is the best course of action for your pack’s and my own safety.” Came your exasperated and desperate voice.
“Safety?” Bruce questions, causally flipping through some Wayne Industries documents, as if he doesn't know exactly what you're talking about.
“Considering Damian’s tried to kill me five times, two of his attempts almost being successful, and Jason's pit aggression that has him ready to rip my throat out, you can see why someone would feel unsafe.” You state, voice raising slightly in pitch.
He hummed noncommittally, his eyes still focusing on whatever paperwork he was going over.
“I'll think about it.” He replies, still disinterested.
“There’s nothing to think about! I should be allowed to leave if I want to, and if anything I'll finally be out of your pack's way.” You say, finally letting your frustration show through.
Why couldn't he just let you leave? Did he seriously want to keep you here just to kill– sorry, eat you in another two years?
“Excuse me?” He finally looks up from his work, his blue eyes meeting yours. He was unimpressed, you could tell that much at least, coupled with a dark look of simmering anger.
Okay, so maybe you should tone it down a notch.
“Come on, I'm not an idiot. I know me being here is simply a public formality, good fluff bits for the press y'know. But I'm not part of your family, and I'm certainly not part of your pack. You and the others have made that very clear. So please, allow me to do us both a favor and get out of your way.” You add.
“Where would you go?”
“Huh?” You blink in surprise.
“Where would you go?” Bruce repeats again.
“That–that is honestly none of your concern.”
“None of my concern? Aren't I entitled to know where my kid is?”
“No, you’re not. Sure you're biologically considered my father, but we all know I'm not really considered your kid.”
“Is that what you think?” He questions.
“Am I supposed to think any differently?”
“You carry the Wayne surname do you not?”
“I do.”
“Then you belong to the Waynes. To me. Which means that I decide what happens to you.”
There was the familiar darkness that you saw pooling in Bruce’s eyes, the type that left the Joker a tortured mess, the type that disemboweled Ra’s Al Ghul, the type of darkness that reminded you that Batman doesn’t kill. Oh no, he maims and tortures instead.
You unconsciously take a careful step back. 
Bruce’s stare felt like ice, and his words hung in the air, thick and heavy with an authority that was absolute. You wanted to argue, to say something, but every instinct in your body screamed for caution. There was a darkness in his gaze that you had seen glimpses of before, but never directed at you, and now it was there, unblinking, cutting through any hope you’d harbored for mercy or understanding.
Your heart hammered, yet you forced yourself to stand straighter, swallowing down the instinctive fear. 
“With all due respect,” you began, your voice smaller than you intended but steady, “staying here for another two years just for you all to—to follow through with that—custom, doesn’t seem fair.”
Bruce’s expression didn’t soften, but his posture shifted slightly, his gaze piercing through you like he could see every thought you tried to hide. 
“Belonging is earned. It isn’t granted because of blood,” he stated coldly. “If you truly wish to belong somewhere, you work for it.”
“I’ve tried,” you said, voice thick with frustration. “I’ve tried everything. I’ve followed your rules, I tried with everyone, and stayed out of everyone’s way. But nothing I do is good enough.”
“You assume that acceptance is given on your terms,” he replied, voice as controlled as ever. “Pack structure doesn’t bend to anyone’s whims. Least of all a half-blood who hasn’t proven their loyalty.”
The words stung, tearing open a wound that you thought had scarred over. You clenched your fists, feeling the sharp ache of your own nails digging into your palms. “And what exactly does proving myself look like here? Surviving Damian’s attacks? Letting Jason rip me apart every chance he gets?”
“Watch your tone,” he warned, his voice low, cutting through any retort you’d planned.
You took a shaky breath, forcing yourself to take another step back from his desk. Challenging him wouldn’t help. He’d already decided where you stood, and nothing you said would change that. Maybe it was better to save your energy, conserve your strength for the day you’d finally slip away.
“Understood,” you said, swallowing the bitterness in your throat. “If that’s how it is, then I’ll stay out of everyone’s way.”
 But you’d still leave when the time comes.
Bruce’s gaze hardened, like he knew what you were thinking. “Your place is here until I decide otherwise,” he said, a finality in his tone that told you any further argument would only worsen things.
He dismissed you with a look, returning to his papers as if the conversation were over, as if you were no longer there. Every step you took out of the office felt heavier, like the manor itself was holding you down, binding you to this place that was never truly a home.
As you closed the door behind you, the cold emptiness of the hallway wrapped around you, and you knew then—you were on your own. If you were to survive this, it would be on your own terms.
It's like clockwork when Alfred calls you down for dinner. The same time, the same routine.
You show  up to dinner, hands still shaking and mind still reeling from your disturbingly cryptic conversation with Bruce. But, never mind that you’d just eat quietly and leave like you always do. You moved to your normal seat only to find that all the chairs near the end of the table had disappeared. What the actual fuck. Was this some type of powerplay? Something to imply that you didn’t even have a seat at their table anymore? 
You mean, you wouldn't mind eating in the safety and comfort of your own room. With an exasperated sigh, which had a couple of heads turn their attention to you, you grabbed an empty plate and started loading it up with food. You were about to head back to your room when you heard an outraged growl from behind you.
The kind of growl that had you tensing, ready to submit and roll onto your back.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” Jason growled out from behind you.
You freeze.
“To my room?” You responded meekly, curling in on yourself as much as you could.
“And pray tell, why do you think that’d be acceptable?”
“Uh–um, ‘cause my seats’ gone?”
Jason only smirked, the feral kind that almost always promised pain to his enemies.
“Oh, but your chair isn't gone, it's right here.” Jason says pointing to a chair right near the head of the table.
You blanked. That's not right. Only pack was allowed that close to the head of the table, where Bruce sat, where the pack leader sat.
“B-But, I can’t–”
“Did that sound like a suggestion?”
You shook your head no, swallowing down a whimper that almost escaped your lungs.
“Then sit your ass down,” Jason growled.
He didn't have to tell you twice.
Immediately you shakily sat down in your new seat, on the left side of Bruce’s seat at the head of the table with Jason sitting at your left shoulder and Dick across from you. Not good, not good at all. You could feel the acidic, green gaze of Jason burning into the side of your face whilst Dick languidly sipped his wine, a sickeningly sweet smile (with way too many teeth to be considered anything but malicious), plastered on his face as he stared at the new seating chart. You let out a shaky breath, trying to get your heart rate back to normal; you were so gonna die tonight.
Thankfully, Bruce arrived and sat himself in his seat at the head of the table; right next to you. You closed your eyes, trying to focus on getting air in your lungs and slowing your racing heart. Unbeknownst to you, Bruce shot a knowing stare at the rest of the table. As much as you tried to conceal it, they could all hear your rapidly fluttering heartbeat and your poorly hidden breathing. Tim and Jason both watched you amused; you looked so darn pathetic, sitting there trembling like a leaf. 
You glanced down at your plate, picking at the food without really tasting it, hoping that staying silent would help you melt into the background.
Bruce, however, remained still and silent, his presence looming over you, radiating the authority that seemed to keep everyone else in check. But even that felt like a facade; the way his gaze lingered on you for a split second too long told you he was watching closely, assessing.
You forced yourself to take a bite, trying to steady your hands enough to appear somewhat composed. But the sound of your own heartbeat seemed to echo in your ears, loud and unrelenting, as if amplifying the anxiety that twisted in your gut. They could hear it too; you knew that much from the way Jason’s smirk deepened, from the way Tim’s lips twitched with barely-contained laughter.
As the dinner dragged on, every clink of a fork, every quiet murmur, felt like it was directed at you. The food turned to ash in your mouth, each bite only reminding you of the eyes trained on you, dissecting you with every chew and every breath.
The rest of the dinner passed in strained silence, every second an endurance test as you forced yourself to stay seated, to keep your head down. When Bruce finally pushed his chair back and dismissed everyone, the wave of relief was almost enough to make you lightheaded. Quick as a whip, you practically ran up the stairs towards the safety and solace of your room.
When you make it, the locks on your door are immediately fastened (not that it would do much if anyone wanted to actually force their way in). You exhale in relief as you try to collect your thoughts. Fuck, everything was going to shit; the worst part being you had school tomorrow (which thankfully you did not go to Gotham Prep; you'd kill yourself if you did). You groaned at the thought, digging the heels of your palms into your eyes to relieve the ache shooting through them.
Looks like another night of shitty sleep.
Taglist!!: @lostsomewhereinthegarden, @the-rouge-robin, @confused-they
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skyrigel · 5 months ago
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Simon swore he didn't want a relationship, but as soon as he met you — well there might be some changes in the plan.
He did want a relationship, fine, if it's with you, he's willing to give it a try but he's not really going for the trouble. No, thankyou.
Simon wouldn't really ask you if you haven't eaten yet or not, he's not your daddy, like that's a different thing, but he's not going to give you an earful for sleeping late and eating unhealthy.
He's going to be your boyfriend but... nonchalant boyfriend if it made any sense.
It never did.
Maybe changing his priorities was the first tick-tick for the bomb that came along his way because as soon as he found you, he was gobsmacked with a possessiveness that drived him insane.
He thought it would only bother him when you would be around because what sort of man he would be if he didn't melt at your sweetness.
But you lingered like a tattooed kiss, everything now connected with you, every thought started and ended with you.
He almost asked Soap to tie his hands so he could stop texting you random shit.
Like why should he bother with your meds and why it's making his heart burn if you haven't taken them.
Everything was jus' getting out of hand.
You were just so extreme, just out of your mind and he liked it, fuck he loved every bit of you. He just couldn't stop himself —
“You look like... you're bout’ to cry.” Soap annouced from his side, Simon shaked his head, then thinking different, nodded.
“She's having a bad day.” He said, “I am gonna kill this Nancy.”
“Who's..Nancy ?”
“You know wot ?” Simon grumbled instead, “I am gonna call her and tell her.. it's gonna be okay.”
“Right.” Soap bounced, covering his face because what has happened to his mate.
“Untie my wrist.” He growled.“Quick.” he added dangerously.
“Right.” Soap shrugged, already getting on his feet.
And if staying away from you was proving to be bad on his nonchalance then being near was almost tripping.
“You said you wouldn't come.” You gasped when he arrived, looking nervous and perhaps bit surprised himself.
“I...well...you look lovely.” He leaned to kiss your cheek, simple adorable gesture, “Thankyou Si !” He blushed at the nickname.
He really didn't know what took him until he realised that giving in to care about you was probably for the best. And really, it wasn't so bad, to think about you, to put efforts for you, to fucking nick the moon for you, because the moment you smiled at him so fondly, like he was capable to deserve that warmth from you, he actually knew what the trouble was all about and he was very much gladly taking a fall for your sake.
So it really didn't matter if he was putting on his warmth clothes because he was one second away from wrapping you in warmth the moment you very much sniffed.
It didn't matter how hot your body got sometimes with heat, he's there soaking cloth in cold ice water and cooling you down.
He's hearing that french lady talk and talk because he needs that recipe you so very love.
He sleeps with an arm under your head and heart full of things he would do for you and himself, to built a home.
Because he fucking cares, he swore for that, to make you the happiest with him.
He doesn't want to be nonchalant, he doesn't want to pretend like he doesn't care because he does.
Really.
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jjk4isen · 4 months ago
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ꗃ 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔, 𝟏𝟎𝟎𝟎 𝐘𝐄𝐀𝐑𝐒 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐍𝐎𝐖.
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❝ you're not a curse, you have never been. you were my blessing and my salvation– the best thing that has ever happened to me. you cleared my skies and showed me how it was to love… and be loved. ❞
summary: when your entire village faced the king of curses' wrath, you were sure you'd be as good as food for him but life decides to weave the strings of fate and intertwine yours with the very person who tries to cut it short.
desc: 8.6k words, f!reader, sfw, angsty angst hehe, major character death, cannibalistic thoughts (sukuna is a cannibal after all), takes place in the heian era, true form sukuna, bit ooc bc we know his ass isn't capable of love, ! slightly gory parts!, this is canon bc i said so, kenjaku isn't known as kenjaku yet – he's still known as noritoshi kamo, yorozu mentioned, basically just me raw dogging the storyline during the heian era lol.
notes: this took way longer than it should but i battled like three burn out sessions to write this so lmao. also does anybody get the aot reference in the title? this might MIGHT have a part two if i can think of a good plot to mirror it. if you get the reference, you'll alr know what it's going to be titled :P
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must be horrifying isn't it? being a mere human amongst sorcerers and curse users capable of destroying and killing— powerless among the powerful whose thirst for yet more power remain a bottomless pit of unquenchable desire.
in this state of the world, your life wasn't your own. it belonged to the people who were strong enough to kill you or considerate enough to spare you.
and among dangers looming throughout, one triumphs all. one whose name was even powerful enough to send curses back at just the mention of it.
ryomen sukuna. feared by curses and non curses alike. the ruthless evil entity who feeds off of humans. there is no doubt about him being the king of curses, capable of having any being in the palm of his hands.
including you.
your village faced the wrath of the king of curses himself, not a brick was intact nor a rock left unturned. and what's even worse? he didn't have any reason for his destruction. he just did it out of his sheer will.
perhaps you should consider yourself lucky to have your life spared, along with some other women and children. all the men were gone without traces — maybe for the better.
trapped in the basement of the castle’s kitchen, you await your fate to be eaten.
what was that you said before? lucky? no, you realise how horribly wrong you were. the wails and cries of terror as yet another person was dragged out of the small room was enough to ring in your ears forever.
the sudden quietness that followed soon after was enough to suffocate you.
the room was dark, wet and disgusting. it reeked of decomposed bodies and blood. nobody was fed well and even if one or two loaves of pitiful bread were thrown into the small cell, it wasn't nearly enough to feed a group of starving people.
at least the number keeps decreasing day by day.
you'd notice how the people who cried, begged or fought back were likely speeding up their deaths so you kept to yourself, waiting for your turn, even if it's just a while later.
after what you think was a couple of days came your turn. you had lost your perception of everything in this tiny suffocating room; you might as well be dead.
you heard some loud clanks of the metal door and suddenly, a harsh pull sends you essentially flying towards whoever was grabbing you.
“this is the last one” you heard a gruff voice say as a light shone inside. it felt like ages since you saw any sort of light, of warmth. in a way, you were relieved. your suffering must be finally coming to an end.
“its this one isn't it?” a low voice asks as they being a lamp closer to inspect you. your eyes were opened and after a long while, you saw again.
“why is she in such a weakly state?” the person holding the lamp grimaces at your sight. through your hazy vision, you could still make out the white hair, perfectly in place. they were beautiful.
“well that ain't my fault is it?” the big creature yanks your arm and you fall wherever it does.
suddenly shards of ice fill the room and the fire from the lamp is put out. in its place is a glowing icy caricature of the creature, holding you intact.
as terrifying as cursed techniques can be, they were also mesmerising. the beautiful fridgid sculpture leave you in awe; the rough hand holding your arm was now frozen and unmoving.
“now.” the icy person leans down, meeting your eye level, you hadn't realised the dim moonlight illuminating the ice crystals in the room “what shall we do with you?”
───────────── 🃜 🃚 🃖 🃁 🂭 🂺
the next time you're concious enough to make out your surroundings, you find yourself in a small dimly lit room. it was heaven in comparision to the previous one.
you scrumble towards the small lamp and take in the warmth. you had no idea where you were, what happened or what would happen but for now, you were alive. barely, but alive still.
weakly, you sit on the floor— there isn't anywhere else to sit anyway. upon hugging your knees you notice an apparent bruse on your arm. the same place where you were grabbed, the memories come back slowly.
did the white haired person save you? could you maybe have a chance at life?
no, being in captivity by the king of curses himself tells you enough that you weren't going to make it out of here alive. well, it's not like you necessarily want to either. your home and the people in it were gone, some of whom you witnessed their end.
it's only fair for you to meet the same fate as them.
the sound of the door unlocking interrupts your thoughts, then in came the person with snow like hair.
“finish this” they hold out a tray of food and set it down next to you. you only lean away defensively.
without so much of another word, they make their way towards the door that is, until you decided to stop them.
“you saved me didn't you?” it had been a while since you even heard your own voice and you don't miss the way it sounded more resigned than it had ever been.
“do not be fooled. it is all in consideration for my master. finish the plate” with that they walk away, leaving you with even more questions than before.
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when the certain white haired person decides to show up, they look pleased with your health. well, it should come as a no surprise since they keep feeding you — overfeeding you in fact. and you know why.
fatten up the stock so that it's in top shape when it's time to consume it.
“follow me” they say, holding the door open.
obediently, you follow the person you owe your life to, for now anyway, and they lead you through alleys and stairways you had never seen before.
only sounds of footsteps and your exhausted huffs can be heard in the hallway filled with various markings on the wall. you don't even want to know what they mean.
“so… how do i call you?” you manage to ask, maybe if you try to get close to them, maybe they can help a second time.
don't kid yourself.
no reply comes and you feel heat rush to your cheeks from embarassment. but hey at least you tried.
your wandering eyes missed to see them stop before a certain door and you crash into them with a grunt. they must be well built because the impact did not faze them at all.
“sorry” you rub your nose that was sore from bumping your face into their back.
“i go by uraume. i am master sukuna's loyal servant. beyond this door is the garden and you are to take a walk twice a day to build up your stamina. i shall be checking on you daily.”
“why should i need to do that?”
“do as you are told. now go” they open the door for you.
beyond the door is a garden too beautiful to belong in the palace of such an abominable being. flowers of all kind adjourn each corner, flourishing in all their bloosoming glory.
the sky was as clear as can be, with the sun brightly shining as if it's wishing people a good day. the birds chirping and the gentle breeze that brushes through your hair reminds you of your home back in the village and your heart aches a little.
“thankyou” you turn back but uraume is now long gone.
gee must people be so cold around here?
you stroll along the garden, savoring your time outside in so long. how long has it been exactly? you couldn't recall. maybe you should ask uraume the next time they come around.
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only this time when uraume does show up, they don't lead you towards the garden. instead, you find yourself at the door of the king of curses’ throne room.
uraume doesn't say a word and only ushers you in.
is this doomsday? you recall the screams of fear from the people you used to share a home with. the look on their faces, their nails desperately clinging onto the prison bar while pleading for mercy — all of that for naught.
and the silence that followed.
it's possible that the well timed meals and the strolls you took in the beautiful garden was the mercy your people begged for but never got.
maybe you should be thankful you even got to have those.
“master is impatient. you should go in right this instant” uraume insists. something about their behaviour tells you if you don't do as told, you'd have a fate worse than what you could ever think of.
with all the courage you could muster, you unlock the door and take strides into it, as confident as you could make it seem.
the four armed monster looms in front of you, starting down at you as if you were only a mere bug.
perhaps you were ��� small and helpless, under the mercy of the predator who had seen you.
you bow politely, it seemed like it was the only appropriate thing to do.
sukuna thinks you're pathetic.
just a mere human and not worth his time. there was only a small reason as to why he hasn't had his way with you yet.
your flesh and blood.
to him, you smelled hauntingly sweet and hypnotisingly alluring. that was what drew him to your village in the first place — the hunt for the sweet scent that awakened all his senses, although he doesn't have any idea why.
sukuna is a curious being, he seeks to know the mysteries of the world — one of the reasons why he's so wise, adding to his strength.
so until he has his answers, he plans to keep you around. after that, he can enjoy your flesh however he wants.
just you standing mere feet away from him was enough to tempt him to bite you already. how would it feel to sink his teeth into your skin and have your blood flow down his throat? sukuna couldn't wait until he has the chance to do so.
“leave.” the monster only dismisses you after staring at you so intently, he might as well be staring deep into your soul.
you look up at him in confusion, why would he call you here without any particular reason?
“do your ears not work, human?” sukuna says, rather impatiently.
“lower your gaze and know your place, fool” he practically growls and you look away faster than the speed of light. one more bow and you're bolting out the door.
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your stay at the palace was a cycle of eating, sleeping and taking strolls. it was beginning to get monotonous, boring even. but its much better than facing the king of curses ever again.
you still had no idea why he called you to his throne room and honestly, you don't even want to find out why.
life wasn't so bad — the flowers were beautiful and smelled lovely, the meals were scrumptious and your sleep? well nightmares were inevitable but there were nights when you slept like a log.
and unbeknownst to you, a certain four eyed creature could be seen watching over you. no, observing you. its only right for him to observe his prey right?
it's not out of the goodness of his heart that when you whimper and cry out in your sleep because of a weak nightmare curse looming over your head, he kills it with only a tilt of his own. no, it's only because that curse deters your well being, hence your development to reach your full potential to be a perfect feast for him. nothing more.
weak human, you don't have the means to kill such a low grade curse or even see it. so why were you special? what makes you so different than the other filthy beings with no cursed techniques roaming the earth? sukuna still couldn't tell.
he's aware though — of your silent fear and unspoken resentment you have towards him. he's aware of your quivering soul whenever you sense his presence. he's aware of your desire to escape this place.
but he's also aware of how your smile becomes a little more genuine when you smell a particular flower in his garden. he's aware of how your eyes soften when you see the setting sun. he's aware of how you tried to get close to uraume and only get shut out. he's aware of you.
and that angers him to no end.
what infuriates him even more is how that pathetic servant thinks he can talk to you, and with such ease too. how dare he speak lowly of you? that's a direct insult to him isn't it?
‘you mean less than a concubine?�� sukuna scoffs at him for even comparing you to one.
so the next time he calls the council for a lecture, he doesn't even blink one of his four eyes when the said servant in question gets slashed by his formidable cursed technique.
the room grows thick with the smell of blood that was now splashed all over the carpets and tapestry hanging on the wall—a grueling task for the cleaners later.
“every tongue that rises against my prey shall fall.” the headless body of his once loyal servant serve as testimony to his words.
the palace may be big but rumours flew around: another servant ruthlessly executed by the monstrous beast. even the people under him weren't given an ounce of consideration.
is it a coincidence that it was the same person who cornered you just a day ago? you don't ponder.
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after the ruthless slaughter of your village and everything in it, it didn't take long for sukuna to find his next target.
it wasn't anything new to anybody at all that he was a bloodthirsty beast, revelling in chaos and ruin. one after another, his victims were crushed mindlessly and so easily, it made you sick how powerless other people are in comparison to him.
out of all his battles and countless destruction, one prominent opponent was the fujiwara clan.
they were an elite clan, taking pride in the strength of their squadrons. the world held its breath upon hearing of the battle, maybe they had the potential to rival the king of curses.
the outcome didn't change though. sukuna remained prevalent—bringing the sun, moon and stars at his feet. the five empty generals did not even measure upto him.
the battle must have been so agonising to the point where the authorities were willing to hold festivals in his honour, out of utter terror.
it was at this harvest festival where sukuna had encountered a certain shameless sorcerer who was on her way to be completely obsessed with him.
yorozu had only one goal: to alleviate sukuna's loneliness with her love — something she believed only she was capable of.
thus why she leeches onto him, much like a hick. perhaps sukuna doesn't see her as a threat or he deems her powerful enough, he didn't get rid of her, for now at least.
however, her dreams were short lived.
yorozu sits next to sukuna in his throne room, enticing him with gentle nudges of her exposed chest. her haori was united and her hair fell graciously past her shoulders all the way down her chest.
she only shrieks in horror as she stares at the uninterested man. “you look different… you are different!” she screams angrily.
sukuna only hums in response, deep in thought of how his little prey has been holding up. despite his festivities and celebrations, you were there in the back of his mind, like an itch that cannot be quite scratched.
she stares at him, stepping back further and further “it couldn't be…”
yorozu brings herself to her knees, looking up at sukuna desperately. “i have so much more to teach you about love and the ultimate strength and solitude that it brings!”
she rises, her eyes were erratic, anyone would be afraid of her outburst that was about to come. anyone but sukuna.
“im the one who will teach you about love. that is my purpose and my goal. now tell me, who is it that is taking away your loneliness?”
sukuna raises a brow. it's possibly the only time he indulges yorozu’s antics and also the last.
“i will find out who it is! it doesn't matter if i have to tear this palace apart” yorozu violently darts out the room in search of something, anything. to her, if it was powerful enough to move sukuna then she would have no trouble finding whatever it is.
and she doesn't. not because you're too powerful but rather because of the lack of it. you stuck out like a sore thumb with no cursed energy running through your body, weak and unarmed just strolling across the garden— like the pathetic human you are.
sukuna arrives at the scene, ever observing, ever thinking.
“that is not true love” yorozu mutters, her fists were clenched on her sides as her gaze burnt into you who was unknowing of the fury burning inside her.
“you're mistaken, sukuna. i will show you what real love looks like!” yorozu screams, making her way towards you who could only stare at her in fear, frozen in place.
it would take sukuna less than a blink of his eye to stop her but he was intrigued. what would he feel if you were to be killed? would he feel pain? anger? the beast always finds his answers so he waits.
and what was that about true love? does that woman think he was capable of it? with you, no less? she sees you, a mere human, as a threat so that must mean something.
yorozu lands on you, digging her nails into your skin, blood gushing out of it. sukuna admires the sight.
you scream in agony as she continue to scratch through you and into you with ease. a maniac expression forms on her face at your slowed breaths and now silent helpless whimpers.
but before you were completely gone, sukuna gets rid of her. you were too busy holding onto your life to tell how he did it but one blink was enough for her to be gone and another makes you realise you were caged in the arms of the four armed monster.
“interesting” you heard sukuna say, before your lashes flutter and your eyes close against your will.
sukuna holds your limp body in his arms protectively with calculated gentleness as if a slight jerk would hurt you. well, in your state, it would.
upon watching you get torn apart, sukuna realises he isn't as heartless as he deemed himself. it drives him angry. how could a being as weak as you would have the capability to move him? how could you inflict pain onto him when you're the one who's at his mercy? he scoffs at how ridiculous it is all.
but when his eyes land on you– your fragile body almost lifeless and bleeding, his only thought was towards your safety and not towards devouring you, albeit the sweet scent of your blood tempting him and calling out to him to drink it.
he stares at his hands tainted with the pretty crimson colour, glistening in the sun but it pales in comparison to the way your eyes were shut as if you were only asleep. sukuna sighs, alright then.
his reversed cursed technique flows through his body into your own, healing the deep tears and cuts. he only hopes you aren't too angry at him for waiting that long to step in.
your staggered breathing was replaced with slow even ones and your wounds disappeared as if they had never been there in the first place. a peaceful expression forms on your face and all of sukuna's eyes soften.
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the next time you awaken you find yourself in the comfort of your own room making you doubt if everything that happened was a vivid dream. and you would have believed that doubt if not for the person sitting in the corner of your room, his four arms folded into each other.
you flinch upon seeing him and sit straight up, a groan escapes you involuntarily from your sore body.
“you're awake, brat” his deep voice sends shivers down your spine.
you nod slightly, your eyes on anything besides him.
“how are you feeling?” this makes you jolt your head towards him because did he just ask about your well being? you would say you misheard but the frown and distaste on his face only confirms that he was, in fact, concerned about your condition somehow.
“im feeling alright” you say quietly, still a bit afraid of the man sitting in your room who could easily overpower you if he wanted.
“i should hope so. your weak body didn't take much to heal as easily injurable as it is” he sneers from the shadows that enveloped him.
“so it wasn't a dream?” your voice shook a little which doesn't go unnoticed.
“no. i have taken care of the matter. you may rest at ease” he rises to his feet, he looks way too big to feel safe around. you hug your blankets a little tighter. wait, when did you even have that many?
“do not fear. i do not intend to harm you.” two out of four eyes narrow at you and how scared of him you looked. sukuna doesn't like how that bothers him.
“how do i know that?” your eyes didn't meet him, rightfully so, if it was anyone else who questioned him, sukuna would waste no second getting rid of them altogether.
“it is i.” a viable answer – one that doesn't need any further explaination. sukuna maybe a merciless hard hearted being but he's also a man of his words. anyone who knows him would be aware of this fact.
“but i don't know you.”
he supposes you're right. in a way, nobody knows him. this was also why he remained so strong despite people and sorcerers alike sharpened themselves while fighting him. he did not have an opening to allow them to kill him.
“then you can start from this moment forward.”
“i don't want to.” for the first time, sukuna faces disappointment; but it's a different kind of disappointment. normally he would be discouraged at how nobody was able to stand a chance against him but now, he feels helpless. much like he was the prey and you're the predator.
“and your reason for that is?” ever so curious, he glowered at your body which had somehow become smaller amongst the sheets of blanket you're enveloped by.
“because then… then i will grow to understand you. if i do understand you then that would mean id find out you have a heart. someone with a heart would never… would never…” your voice trails away and you look horrified by the memories flooding your mind.
“so i don't want to know you.” you muster up enough courage to stare into his eyes, all of his eyes and sukuna can feel your soul tremble.
he only watched silently as you fidget under his watchful gaze. great. he's at a loss by someone who's terrified of him, how much more could you hit a blow to his pride.
without a word, he steps out of your room and he could hear you exhale. he huffs in annoyance at how tense you are in his presence. and your words. they might as well be your cursed technique attacking him with every enunciation that came from your mouth.
and they were working.
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the world was somehow shifting. you couldn't exactly pinpoint where or how but it was.
“master has assigned you a new room that would be more comfortable for your stay” uraume says, standing in front of you in a polite stance. “please allow me to guide you there.”
if this is his attempt to make you forget about all the destruction he caused, for whatever reason, it was futile. he was irredeemable.
your thoughts might have been apparant on your face because uraume continues, “master says he does not have an ulterior motive. he simply wants you to be comfortable.”
since when did that beast care about other people's comfort except for his own?
“fine then, show me” if he offered, then there's no problem in accepting. heck maybe you should be taking advantage of his hospitality and ask for whatever you desire. he has put you on death's row and wiped of everyone you knew after all.
you were led to a room that was closer to the main area of the palace, a stark contrast to the basement of the kitchen — where you started from.
pieces of beautiful art were decorating each corner, finest tapestry hanging from the walls, and the curtains? they were of the best material you had ever known. no doubt, this was a room that exceeded even your dreams.
uraume opened the closet revealing kimonos of various kinds, from silk to linen to satin— every kind was there. “i was not aware of your taste so i assorted various kinds.”
you were amazed at the room, the materials – everything but these measly riches don't bring lives back and the monster certainly wasn't capable of any empathy so the words saying he has no ulterior motive were nothing but empty to you.
“what? have i been promoted from prey to concubine now?” the word alone makes you sick to your stomach but it's the only explanation that makes sense.
“you are very wrong. master does not keep concubines. it is only an extension of his kindness.” you laugh, sukuna? kindness? please.
four eyes narrowed at your bitter laugh, sukuna stands in the doorway, each of his two arms folded in each other. he has lost count of how much disrespect he tolerates from you but strangely, it does not give him a drive to kill, only annoyance.
a brow raises when you turn around after being aware of his presence and your laugh, as mocking as it was, dropped into a frown.
seeing how speechless you are, he huffs. from out of nowhere, he conjures up a bow and an arrow to go along with it. sukuna moves stealthily, one step and he's already next to you.
the bow and arrow are shoved into your hands “i have heard you are exceptionally good with these” sukuna says, his voice was low and calculating – if you hadn't known better, you'd say it quivered a little.
he wasn't wrong though, you had to hone some sort of hunting skill for food. life wasn't kind and you learnt it the hard way. nevertheless you felt safer with some kind of weapon you were familiar with, even though they won't be of much help against a sorcerer.
“master’s very own bow and arrow” uraume interrupted, their face had an expression of shock you had never seen on them before. there was an engraving on them– the same mark that sukuna had on his body.
“why give me this?” you ask and receive no answer. not because sukuna doesn't want to answer you, he simply doesn't have a reason. he just wanted you to have it. it felt natural. he'll be damned before he ever admits that to you or even to himself.
“what if i use it on you?” you press on, clutching onto the wooden weapon tightly. “what if i wanted to fire this at you?”
“i would let you.”
it caught you by surprise. why? you want to ask but you also didn't want to hear his reason. you don't want to know him. the little barrier you had put between you both is the only thing giving you leverage against such a vicious being, you couldn't afford to have it break down.
taking a quick abrupt step back, you line the end of the arrow to the bowstring and pull on it with an expert ease, aiming it at sukuna. uraume was about to step in but sukuna waves them off. as if the most feared curse user couldn't defend himself.
he could already have you breathing your last breath in a mere second if he wanted to but of course, he doesn't. he just stands there unmoving. his lack of response to your threat made you all the more aggravated.
“aren't you going to stop me?”
“no. proceed with whatever you intend to do, i shall not stop you.” sukuna's folded arms fell to his sides, giving you an open target for his heart.
now you should be firing your arrow with no hesitation right? you have hunted down countless moving targets from as small as a bird to something as big as a deer.
and they were running while you manage to hit a bullseye – every single time. so now this unmoving big target within just a few meters would be a piece of cake. it's your chance to end the tyranny of his wicked rule and him altogether– a chance that had not been granted to anyone who stands against him.
but your hands wouldn't move. they wouldn't let go of the string to propel the arrow towards him. they were frozen in place. you would have doubted uraume’s technique being in play but no signs of ice crystals found themselves anywhere near.
sukuna waits and you wonder if he was ever this patient.
your hands tremble, slowly letting your form down. why couldn't you just do it?
“human–”
sukuna's words were cut short by a swift arrow flying towards him. he didn't make a move to avoid it.
your trembling hands were now perfectly stable holding the bow. your breathing was calm, collected even. if anyone were to see you now, they'd wonder who the beast is. empty eyes deadpan at your target.
sukuna stares back, his cheek bleeding from the graze of the arrow. unlike your soul-less face, a satisfactory smile creeps onto sukuna's. “you didn't miss, did you? you aimed here on purpose.” his hands caress the small wound in awe.
“next time i wont.”
“as i have said, i will not stop you.”
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the new room was comfortable, all your needs were tended to and your conduct exceeded your desires. you were treated equal to a queen, if you knew how.
and uraume, sukuna's loyal servant, was now your own. they were still very distant though, not speaking more than they needed to. not like you really minded anyway.
uraume was there to observe. they were under strict orders to keep you safe and also report your daily status to sukuna. you weren't exactly aware of this part but there's no harm done so by logic, there wasn't a problem with it either.
sukuna finds the corner of his mouth twitch when uraume mentioned that you sang obnoxiously loud because you thought nobody was around. he'd have loved to hear that himself.
the amusing brief about you was however rudely interrupted by a strange person brave enough to march directly into the throne room unannounced.
“you're from the kamo clan aren't you? have you come to die a meaningful death?” sukuna's thirst for battle heightened upon seeing a sorcerer from one of the three main clans in jujutsu. maybe finally, he can have a strong opponent and enjoy the fight without having it end too early.
but the man only chuckles “no, i have come here to negotiate with the almighty king of curses himself”
sukuna frowns, now staring at him unamused “you do not have anything worth a value to me. fight or die a pathetic death.”
“i will do neither of those.” noritoshi kamo, stands face to face with sukuna without a hint of fear in his eyes and that makes sukuna curious. just what kind of offer does he have to be so bold?
“prove that you are worth my time you filthy scum” sukuna glowers at the man, getting more and more impatient by the second.
“how about that prey? how is your little prey doing?” kamo smirks and it's enough to tempt sukuna to cut through his skull but no, he refrains because anything that involves you, sukuna doesn't take it lightly.
“speak up or i’ll have you slashed.” sukuna remarks impatiently.
“it would be a shame to have her taken away from you isn't it?” the old man sneers.
the next thing he knows is his ragged breath and a sharp pain across his chest, kamo falls to his knees. sukuna’s technique had manifested a cut through his chest, although not deep enough to end him. with blood oozing out of the fresh cut and his mouth, he still has the courage to glare at the four eyed creature.
“you must not value your life” sukuna says nonchalantly, leaning against one of his hand, the grotesque sight was nothing new to him at all.
“your reign is coming to an end isn't it?” kamo laughs, although it comes out through splutters of blood. “no matter how powerful you are, you are not immortal sukuna, you still won't defeat death!”
as if sukuna is one to fear death. sukuna only sighs, revelling in the bloodied state of his intimidator.
“and your little human toy won't either” that earns a reaction from him. sukuna's eyes narrow at the pitiful man fighting for his life.
“what are you suggesting?”
“what if i tell you– that there is a way for you to be immortal? and that it's possible to find her in every lifetime?”
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everyone who knows sukuna knows that he does not get hurt. or yet, there's nobody who's strong enough to hurt him. generation upon generation, sorcerers have teamed up to get rid of him but with no luck. not even one of them could land a hit on the ferocious being.
all the more reason for you to be speechless when he returns with a huge hole in his stomach, bleeding continuously.
it was during your stroll that you saw him staggering over to his room.
okay maybe that was a lie. maybe you'd heard that a very prominent sorcerer in the jujutsu society had challenged him. you didn't know much about that world but it was enough to worry you, even if sukuna was undefeated.
so maybe that worry brings you into a situation where he arrived just while you were taking a stroll in the garden. you definitely didn't purposely take longer to watch the birds fly back to their nest in hopes of making sure sukuna returns. definitely not.
that's also NOT why you're knocking on his door boldly.
the door opens, revealing a confused sukuna. your eyes dart down to his injury but it seems the blood had stopped, still looking nasty regardless.
you wince just by looking at it but sukuna interrupts your unwarranted examination. “eyes here human. what do you want?”
for someone who's supposed to be prey, you're bold because in the next moment, you find yourself pushing through the door and asking him to sit down.
yes. you— a mere human, barged through his room and asked him to sit. when he doesn't comply, you walk up to him, pulling on one of his hands, guiding him towards his chair and sat him down. and strangely, no hint of protest came from him – not even a grunt or a growl.
with familiar ease, you call in uraume and ask for an emergency kit. they hesitate but comply regardless.
your expert hands slowly disinfect the wound and start stitching it up, not even sparing a glance at the man who just watches you and lets you do whatever you want to him.
“where have you garnered skills to do this?” sukuna asks mid stitch and it's only then that you realised he hasn't done so much as flinch. you could imagine how painful it would've been for a normal human but apparently this counts for nothing to him.
“when you're desperate enough, you just know” the last string goes through his flesh and you tie a knot, snapping the thread off. your movements slow when you realise you're touching him– skin and all, with your own.
your eyes lock when you search for his and they stare back. this time, you don't see a vicious brute but in its place, you see the eyes of a man. and not just any man, if you allowed your thoughts to wander you'd say it was the same look of a man capable of love.
but you don't – you look away. and sukuna's could feel a slight pull in his chest.
“human.”
“i have a name”
“human.”
the disregard for your name only makes you roll your eyes in annoyance. the man only chuckles at the sight.
“you do realise i can heal myself?”
a pause. of course how could you forget? reversed cursed technique they call it? all these magical powers granted to them made no sense to you at all. you only stare at the wall dumbfounded as sukuna downright laughs at your humiliated expression.
“why didn't you stop me then?” your grumble only amuses him further.
“perhaps because i wanted you to acknowledge how foolish you are?” his tone was teasing and not a hint of malicious intent was within it. a smile creeps on your lips and sukuna could swear his heart rate accelerated.
“i could show it to you if you're curious” your wide eyes give him all the confirmation he needed. sukuna rises on his feet, the prior horrid injury long forgotten.
“you could… take off the bandages. if they aren't effective anyway since you can heal” you shrug, trying to brush off your wholly service that was in fact not required in the first place.
“i rather they stay.” his hands graze them gently and you could swear he smiled at the pitiful mounts of cotton plastered on his abdomen.
“come. allow me to show you what im capable of.” he offers you a hand, out of the many he has and his shoulder slumps in relief when you take it without any protest.
he takes you outside and leads you towards your favourite spot in the garden. you don't let yourself wonder if it's a coincidence or not.
“see that fruit?” he gestures to a ripe apple hanging on its tree – super red and just the perfect size.
“yeah want about it?” you tilt your head towards him curiously making sukuna more enthusiastic to show you his perfectly crafted technique.
an invisible slash cuts the single fruit out of the tree, making it fall. it was barely noticeable and you'd think it fell on its own if not for the perfect slices it has all while it landed in the palm of your hands.
your wide eyed gaze only delights the man responsible for it. you take one slice off and admire the precision “you did this?? no way!”
sukuna heaves his chest proudly. strangely, your adulation to his antic gives him so much more satisfaction than wiping out an entire village.
“wait till you see this” sukuna takes a step back, his lips quirking up into a tight smirk upon seeing your expectant expression.
he places his hands together and gestures up signs that were not familiar to you. “fuga « open »” his low voice chants while fire manifests into the palm of his hands. he moulds the flames skillfully as it takes the shape of an arrow – a fire arrow.
and you're left with your mouth agape, he was truly terrifying. such bright flames don't even burn him but instead falls into his command.
sukuna likes the way you stare at him in wonder and was tempted to tell you that he created this very technique in honour of you and your bold decision in grazing his cheek with your arrow but for now, he holds his tongue and lets you admire as long as you want.
when the flames burn away, you're still in a haze— staring at the man in front of you with diluted pupils: one might think you're in love.
as sukuna focuses his eyes into your own, he's certain he could see into your soul which grows a little more familiar to him everytime he sees you. no it's not how he feels the familiar terror in someone's soul when they tremble in fear of him just as he was about to take their life.
it's not the same shudder of fear he used to feel when he's around you. this time, it's inviting. he feels he could be stripped of his technique and just be a normal being if it meant he could submerge himself in it.
───────────── 🃜 🃚 🃖 🃁 🂭 🂺
sukuna used to anticipate how he would die. he wanted to meet someone who would be strong enough to give him a formidable death fit for the most evil being to tread the world. news of fresh generation of strong sorcerers would excite him.
but the moment he knew he was entranced by you, that prior excitement was now replaced by fear. not fear for his death but rather, for yours. if anything were to happen to him, who would protect you?
it doesn't help how his enemies were catching hints on his possible weakness now. it all started with that damn bastard from the kamo clan, whom sukuna swears to kill. him and everybody else that could pose as a threat to you, he swears he will kill them all.
a little part of him also starts to fear for his own end. he fears that no matter how long he lives, he might think he doesn't have enough time with you. how could he when you're here, showing the sides or the world he never knew existed? the same world you weaved with every gentle word you say, no matter how insignificant.
sukuna can't get enough of the small smiles that were appearing more frequently when he reaches out to hold your tiny hand in his big ones.
he can't get enough of your soft snores when you're asleep in his chest– no more nightmares haunting your sleep because as long as he's around, any curse would have to fight him to get to you. no curse was bold enough to do so.
and mostly, he can't get enough of your small gentle strokes across his face. your touch was feather light and curious but so so loving that even when your hands were about to be pulled away, his own grabs them and makes them stay.
sukuna has nothing at all to base it off of, but if he had to name what he's feeling right now, it would be along the lines of complete devotion to you – in other words, he suspects it's the feeling these weak humans and yozoru keep preaching about: love.
and he's not denying it– not to himself at least or he can't. during his recent battles, he observes himself ending it as quick as possible.
instead of luxuriating in the thrill of battle, he finds himself rushing to kill his opponent – to end it as quick as it was humanely possible because every second he spends away from you is a second wasted.
he was becoming more precise and ruthless now that he has something to protect.
that's why even when you ask about his murder streak and if he could lessen it, he just ruffles your hair and tells you not to worry.
any sorcerer who has gotten close enough to land their sights on you were brutally tortured until they give up on their life altogether.
however, life can be funny at times. his own fear for your well being is possibly responsible for the curse that now latches onto you, consuming and draining the life out of you and sukuna's forced to watch as you slowly became a husk of who you used to be. so really, it's not funny at all.
he feels helpless and he is. none of the cursed techniques he has could exorcise the curse blooming inside you and spreading through your veins.
he has been warned before and he didn't care. he never fathomed to ever find someone to love so he traded his soul for his fervent reign – a binding vow: any being whose soul remotely gets near his own would ruin itself without any means for its resurrection.
another condition of the vow was for him to forget about it only after it was too late. at the time the vow was made, sukuna had thought, no, he'd known he lucked out by a power at the price of such a feeble condition but now… now he knows how gut wrenchingly wrong he was.
sukuna slumps in defeat at the sight of your weak body fighting itself. all his four hands encased one of yours as he listens to your staggering breaths that slowly becomes more faint than the last.
for the first time, no matter how tainted his hands were of from the numerous people he murdered in cold blood, sukuna finds himself praying; not for salvation or forgiveness but for your suffering to be placed onto him instead.
he has just found happiness with you, and in you, had just started to learn how to love someone so much that all his wicked ways were something he wished he never did. he had been stupid and arrogant – too arrogant. he was sure the heaven and whole generations of people he killed were now laughing at him drowning in his own misery. how the tables have turned on him and humbled him.
“kuna..” your barely audible voice mades him lean closer to your face, one of his large hands coming up to caress your face delicately.
“human. save your energy” sukuna scolds but his tone was not demanding by any means. it was desperate, desperate for just one more second of you.
a faint smile ghosts your almost now deathly pale face “it's not your fault.” you manage to cough out through staggering breaths.
sukuna's world might as well stop. it was his fault, everything was his fault. from the moment he caught a whiff of your sweet sweet blood to when he looked at you as nothing but prey to the moment when you became the sole reason for his existence, it was all his doing. he has taken you and tangled you amidst the string of despair.
his head shakes in denial, no words coming out of both his two mouths. so much to say, so many ways to say it but nothing.
but you know, the four pupils staring at you take the form of hearts, and that tells you everything. it could be just an illusion you'd heard people speak of on the verge of death but it's enough for you.
your sweet blood slowly looses its essence as you close your eyes, the last light inside you leisurely fading away.
“oi human” sukuna calls but there was no response.
“answer me” a plea.
still no answer as your hand slowly goes limp in his own. there was silence and nothing. so much of nothing that was unfamiliar in the otherwise air of curiousity that always surrounded you.
“human.” sukuna's voice wavers as his hands come to cup your too peaceful face. he searches for any signs of life but he finds none. before he knew it, a drop of water landed on your clueless yet beautiful features, then another and another.
the monster was crying. not just crying – he wept.
his entire body shakes as he lets out his pain, holding onto you desperately as if that would bring you back.
“human” he dries away his own tears on your face and brushes away the hair that dared hide even a portion of it.
“you're not a curse. you have never been. you were my blessing, my salvation. you are the best thing that have ever happened to me. you cleared my skies and showed me how it was to love… and be loved.”
sukuna trembled in grief at your loss. the king of curses– reduced to a man in love.
perhaps he wasn't the cannibal here. perhaps you were the one who slowly teared him apart and consumed his very being– merging yourself into his core without him even realising it.
but one thing he knows for sure is that if he were to do it again, he'd let himself be devoured entirely by you. over and over again. to be loved is to be consumed and he's offering himself to you, flesh and bones on a silver platter.
“until next time, my love.” he leans in and places a fragile kiss onto your forehead and that's the first and last time he has a taste of you.
with the last drop of your blood running dry and the absence of the warmth that made you, you; sukuna finds his answer – the reason why your blood tasted so sweet was because he was made to crave it. something he could quench his thirst with but never getting the chance to do so; a punishment perfectly fit for him.
“your deal. i shall agree to it on a condition” sukuna glowers at kamo who only smirks with an ‘i told you so’ written all over his face. sukuna would have slashed him to bits if it weren't for the agreement he agreed to take up on.
“i shall trade my soul to become a curse only if i get reincarnated exactly a thousand years from now” sukuna proposes, no, commands. it is said that a soul is reincarnated only once every thousand years and he wants to make sure he finds you in the next lifetime. maybe then, he'll have enough time with you and if he's lucky enough, be able to love you without bounds.
“that could be arranged” kamo quirks his head in a way sukuna despises. “but she'll have no memory of you. you're proceeding with this knowledge, yes?”
sukuna only narrows his eyes and ignores his question “that is not all. erase her existence from the minds of everyone besides me. generations hence, no one shall know who she is. her name shall be removed from every mouth that speaks of my reign.”
kamo smiles lazily “your soul is not worth that much sukuna”. the man strolls freely in the room, not minding the looming presence of the king of curses. “however, a binding vow could be arranged.”
great. another binding vow. but if that means he'll meet you in a thousand years time, he'll vow as many times as required.
“the grounds of the vow is as follows: you shall be reincarnated only if there appears a vessel suitable to withstand you.” kamo proposes. “your fingers will be cut and hidden in vast areas across the world and you shall only succeed in full reincarnation if you find them and consume them, all while being suppressed by the vessel.”
sukuna frowns and kamo only laughs “do you agree to the vow knowing all the risk it carries?”
conditions and regulations were a pain but nothing could stop a man desperate enough to give up his soul twice. “very well” sukuna agrees.
and that is how the heian era and sukuna's legacy came to an end; sealing himself – and the memories of you only he carries with him – into his twenty fingers, each of which turned into cursed objects scattered far and wide like pieces of puzzle waiting until the time comes for it to fit itself together again.
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lunajay33 · 5 months ago
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Where’s my Wife?
Summary: Being pregnant Daryl made sure you were always safe but when the wall of Alexandria fell you had no choice but to run, when Daryl gets back he’s stressed trying to find you
Pairing: Daryl Dixon x f!reader
•Masterlist•
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“Are you sure you have to go?” I asked running my hand through his hair, feeling him gently lean into my touch
“I gotta go, I’m doin this for you and the baby, can’t risk them walkers gettin out and headin here” he said as he gripped my hips
“Okay but just….just be careful okay? Please come back to me…to us”
“I’ll be back sunshine” he smiled as he got on his bike, the smile that was reserved for me and me only
“I love you D”
“Luv ya too” and with that he was off following Abraham and Sasha
It took a long time for Daryl to be comfortable with saying I love you, I never pressured him I knew what he’s been through and that this whole relationship thing was new to him so we went at his pace, we met at the quarry first when the world went to hell, he found me in the woods alone about to get eaten by a walker but he was there in time shooting the walker in the head with an arrow, since then he’s protected me, first our relationship was quiet just spending time together in silence, but slowly he got more confidence and started being back little gifts from his trips, flowers, bracelet, my favourite drinks and snacks I had mentioned, eventually along the way I became his girl, everyone in our group knew it and didn’t dare do anything that could risk my life
Walking along the streets I made my way towards the communal kitchen craving some chocolate, hopefully Carol was there to let me have a whole bar
Walking through the door the cool air hit me, refreshing from the hot summer heat
“Hey sweetie, are they gone already?” Carol asked as she was rummaging through the food supplies
“Yeah I don’t know something feels off, I’m just nervous I can’t lose him Carol” I sigh sitting on a chair after taking the chocolate out of the fridge, my legs aching from the extra weight
“There’s always a risk going out there but it’s Daryl, he always comes back, just try to get your mind off of it…..how’s the baby?”
“Oh she’s good, kicking a lot, she loves when Daryl talks to her”
“Her?”
“Just a feeling, call it mothers intuition”
“I never would have guessed that thee Daryl Dixon would be having a baby, you’ve really changed him, he’s the happiest with you”
“Thanks Carol, means a lot…I should probably go watch the perimeter, Daryl told me to take it easy”
“Okay be careful hun”
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I walked the back wall for a while everything was secure except a little opening at the bottom of one of the panels, it wasn’t too big, not big enough for a walker to slide through so I thought nothing of it, that is until screamed started erupting in the streets, seeing men dressed in black murdering people left and right, I didn’t have enough time to get to a house so I went to the opening in the fence, I kicked it a few times inching it open just a bit more, trying to crawl through desperately feeling the fence cut up my side but this was my only choice to live to protect both me and the baby, finally I got through running through the woods, dodging any walkers that were in the path, eventually I made it to a tree house Daryl had showed me a little farther out of Alexandria, climbing the tree as best I could being exhausted and 8 months pregnant
Slumping down in the run down tree house, feeling the adrenaline wear off, who were those people? Who did they hurt and kill? Where was Daryl and how was I gonna get back when I didn’t know when it was safe
Taking a few breaths to calm myself knowing all this stress and pressure on the baby wasn’t good and I couldn’t afford to go into premature labour, the sun was finally setting and the weather was becoming colder, thankfully there was a few blankets in the corner we had brought out here for when we needed a get away
The crickets eventually lulled me to sleep, hoping that when I woke in the morning everything would be okay again
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Daryl pov
After getting shot and the walkers breaking off I just need to get home to protect the only one I’ve every truly loved, she gave me hope when I was finally giving up being pushed around by Merle, when I found her in the woods I knew she was special, never in my life did someone make me feel safe and loved, it was confusing but she never pressured me, then the day on the road she told me she was pregnant I was terrified, we were exhausted low on food and water and she was the only thing keeping me from going off the deep end but she never lost hope that we’d find a home again and like magic the next day we were in Alexandria
The three of us got back to Alexandria to it being run over by walkers, with quick thinking we set the lake on fire and finished off the remaining walkers, running everywhere i screamed for her, slowly the sun was rising when carol came up to me, thankful she was still okay
“Carol have ya seen y/n? I can’t find her”
“I don’t know she came by the kitchen and then she went to watch the perimeter she said then all those wolves came in and I tried to look for her but there was no time”
I ran to the back wall knowing that’s where she usually watched since it had the most shade, finally getting there I searched the wall noticing a break, looking closer there was blood on the ground and covering the edge of the metal, I smashed it open more throwing my crossbow out first before I pushed through, she had to be out her there’s no way I’ve lost her
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Normal POV
The sun beamed through the opening of the tree house waking me from the half decant sleep I had, throwing the dusty blanket to the side I sat up groaning as I forgot about the jagged cut that littered my side
Gazing out of the opening making sure the coast was clear I slowly maneuvered my way down the tree cautious of the baby and my wound, my feet hit the ground and an immense pain shot through my belly as my legs became covered in liquid
“Oh no”
She had decided this was the perfect moment to come out, panicked I made my way back to Alexandria hoping everything has settled and the one person I need right now is back home
As I was making my way through the forest twigs snapped alerting me of something, rather it be a walker than one of those people, but when I approached the noise a shaggy haired man came into few and my heart leapt
“Daryl!” I sighed in relief right before a contraction ripped through my body, leaning against a tree groaning as the pain grew
“Angel what’s wrong?” He asked scared as his hand pressed against my back
“She’s coming Daryl, little Dixon is on her way, the stress must have triggered this”
“I’ll get ya both home and safe” he picked me up like I weighed a feather until we were at the gates
“I was so worried about you D, those men attacked and I didn’t know what was happening I just knew I had to protect myself and this baby”
“Shit happened I wanted to come back but couldn’t risk it, I was lookin all night fer ya” he said laying me down on the bed of the little infirmary
“I’m just glad you’re back”
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Hours of excrutiating pain came to an end when the sound of little cries echoed in the room
“She’s here, ya were right sunshine” Daryl smiled as he held our little girl close, wrapping her in a little white blanket
He sat on the bed next to me showing me the most adorable baby I’ve ever laid my eyes on
“She’s beautiful D! What should we name her?”
“How bought Lexi?” His suggestion shocked me
“Really? Why Lexi?”
“Don’t know always liked it I guess”
“Then Lexi it is, our little baby girl Lexi!”
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not-the-cheese · 2 years ago
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one sentence summaries of every TMA episode
(1-60 i'll add more soon)
part 2 up!
world's most effective anti-smoking PSA
man DOES NOT open coffin. everyone claps.
woman is judgemental towards neighbor even though she has hobbies that are just as weird.
book makes multiple people fall off chair.
man finds bag of teeth and decides he absolutely needs to fuck around and find out.
worm sti.
there was a SCARY MAN in the WAR.
fuck this tree
well at least ted bundy was a great father :)
i'm like 55% sure vampires are real and i'm willing to take those odds
bitches be dying. you're next.
we kill this man because he made the soda too warm.
sorry ur husband's dead. maybe get some help.
Unbox with me ! (GONE WRONG)
hah i'm safe from this one because i have decided to Never Go Into a Cave Ever.
man is so annoying about this spider that even his cat can't be bothered
man's bully finds a book about a Bone Turner and subsequently begins turning people's bones.
this guy sucks at DIY home improvement
aw maybe this priest didn't do anything THAT bad!
oh fuck nevermind
THE SKY ATE MY SON.
the worms stole my identity. i haven't left the house in days.
man beats german children at game of bravery and wins a coin (he later loses this coin)
my ex boyfriend gets casted in the muppets and dies
sorry mom, i've abandoned jesus for a new religion : jesus in the dark.
tall squiggly and HANDsome
old man arm wrestles demon through door knob
the buzzfeed unsolved guys finally catch a ghost but it's their sound tech
immortality but at what cost
working at the big meat factory was so traumatizing it made me vegetarian
i go to america and get almost killed by a furry
well if you love that wasp nest so much why don't you MARRY it (and then she did)
antisocial boat crew bands together to exclude one guy from a midnight party. he dies from the rejection.
bone apple teeth
remember when that norwegian guy threw a tantrum about us not digging a hole? turns out we were right to not dig that hole.
babe come over my parents have taken ill and passed away
man fucks around and it costs him everything
HOMOPHOBIC CHINESE VASE
oh god oh fuck the worms are here
thank you for participating in worms! please rate your wormsperience from 1 to 10.
the wormsperience has left me deeply scarred. i'm going to get lost in a tunnel about it.
🎸music makes me loose control🎸
spooky stories to tell at the next police slumber party
child threatens to run away and join the circus one too many times, and now the circus has come to cash in.
these mosquitoes are mad sus
man frequents local barnes and noble and then dies(?) after liking a book too much.
realtor gets eaten by the backrooms twice. it's a terrible shame.
both me and this weird goth dude have an unsatisfying italy vacation
guy who turns people's bones gets a new job where he continues to turn people's bones.
man who should never be allowed to build prisons builds a prison.
Something Big Is In The Water.
what if u heard me about 15 feet behind you fumbling around and calling out ur name 😳 (and we were both prison guards)
i'm going to be honest i didn't retain anything from this episode except that this guy has the silliest old man voice ever
everybody hates the tax man, including these creepy taxidermy animals
hmmgh. ant house.
so turns out being only 55% sure that vampires are real in my career as a vampire hunter has had some consequences.
the only thing keeping you company in space is your abandonment issues
🎶 the snack that smiles back 🎶 (my husband!)
maybe the real treasure was the house siblings we encased in spider web along the way.
your dead brother wrote books about ancient myths and WHAT
Part 2
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punkshort · 3 months ago
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Swept Away | Chapter 10: Turn the Tide
Pairing: sugardaddy!Joel Miller x f!reader
Chapter Summary: A devastating discovery leads you back into Joel's arms. But do you both have what it takes to make it work?
Chapter Warnings: language, sugar baby/daddy dynamics, mountains of angst, miscarriage (discussions and descriptions included, not terribly graphic, blood is mentioned, please skip if this is triggering for you), hurt/comfort, fluff, brief mention of vomit, anxiety, reader has long-ish hair, smut (18+ MDNI), fingering, protected piv sex, secrets are revealed and explain some underlying anxieties/trust issues
WC: 16.6K
Series Masterlist
One Month Later
"Jesus Christ, this place is doing a number on my allergies," Celine whined when she opened your apartment door to find you curled up on your couch with a heating pad. She looked around the room and shook her head, dropping her purse and keys on your floor because every single flat surface was being taken up by flowers. Flowers Joel had been sending you every fucking day since he dropped you off. "How can you stand it in here?"
"I can't," you muttered, staring listlessly at the television while she opened up the windows as far as they would go. "Been meaning to look into places where I could donate them but I'm in the middle of the worst period of my fucking life."
"Yeah, I can see that," she replied before collapsing in a huff on the other end of your couch. Her eyes skimmed your coffee table, filled with pain killers, water and tea before she asked, "Have you eaten?"
You nodded and pointed to the empty bowl under the table. "I heated up some soup."
"Maybe you should call your doctor, are your periods usually this bad?" she asked before picking up the dirty dishes and heading to your sink.
"No," you groaned, rolling onto your back with a wince. "I'm on the pill. They're usually a breeze."
"Then you should definitely call," she said over her shoulder. "Can't hurt to get checked out."
"Yeah? With what health insurance?" you countered angrily as you forced yourself to sit up.
"Still no luck finding a job?"
You shook your head then sneezed, scowling at the roses nearby like it was their fault.
"Then use some of the fifty fucking thousand dollars he gave you and see a goddamn doctor!" she exclaimed after drying your bowl and putting it away. "I know you don't want to use it but it doesn't matter, he won't know either way."
Fifty grand. He had wired you fifty grand instead of twenty. You spent a week going back and forth with your bank, making them reject the funds over and over until you finally caved because you couldn't stand to waste any more time on the phone with them over it. You had decided you would donate it like he suggested, but you never figured out where. Between that and all the flowers he kept sending, you couldn't decide if you should be flattered or pissed off.
On that particular day, with your uterus trying to extract itself from your body, you chose to be pissed off.
As if on cue, your buzzer rang and you could have screamed at the top of your lungs, already knowing who it was. Celine got to the intercom first and pressed the button.
"Yeah?"
"Hey, it's Jim, got today's flowers."
You grabbed a pillow and screamed into it, deciding to give into your urge.
"Alright, buzzing you up."
You heard her press the other button and hold it a few seconds before unlocking your door and leaving it cracked.
"He's in love with you," she said matter-of-factly from the door.
"I'm going to fucking kill him," you replied, making her laugh.
A light tap on the door came a few minutes later and Celine pushed it open to greet Jim, an older man with a white beard that reminded you of Santa, before she signed for the flowers.
"Jim, don't you have someone you could give these to instead?" you asked from the couch. He shook his head and grinned before handing over the vase of peonies, dahlias and roses.
"You know I can't do that."
You made a face and collapsed into the back of your couch.
"Maybe if you just call him, it'll end," Jim offered, "although I don't mind. You're keeping the shop afloat at this point," he joked.
"That's exactly what he wants," you replied. He shrugged and gave you a wave with a see you tomorrow, then disappeared down the hall. Celine closed the door and looked around the room for a clear spot before giving up and setting them on the ground.
"Maybe flower guy was right. Maybe you should call him."
"He's just used to getting his way. He can pull this shit with anyone else but I'm not gonna give in," you told her while simultaneously picking up your phone, fingers tapping angrily at your screen. She grinned and found her spot back on the couch.
"What are you doing?"
"Texting Joel and telling him to knock it the fuck off," you growled.
Celine tipped her head back and laughed. "Same thing! You're talking to him! You're giving him exactly what he wants."
"Okay, so I'm not perfect! What else is new?" you snapped after shooting off a text to Joel that said stop with the fucking flowers, I mean it.
Before Celine could reply, your phone vibrated in your lap.
Does this mean you're willing to see me? Or should I switch to chocolate?
You frowned and Celine knowingly tilted her head to the side.
"Girl. Come on. Hear him out. Maybe if you just meet up once and let him talk, he'll stop. I've never seen a guy text back as quickly as him, and he's got an actual successful business to run! Do you have a magic pussy or something, what the hell did you do to this guy?"
You cracked a smile for the first time in days. You didn't go into much detail with her since you came back. She knew you slept together and she knew he broke your heart, but everything else remained a mystery. And because she knew you would tell her in your own time, she never asked.
"I just think he's not used to hearing the word no," you told her, ignoring his text and setting your phone down on your coffee table.
"Or he's madly in love with you and doesn't know how to handle it," she countered with a raised eyebrow.
You opened your mouth to object, to remind her for the fourth time that Joel didn't fall in love with anyone, when a sharp pain shot through your legs and you doubled over with a deep groan. Celine lunged forward to rub your upper back, her smile long gone when she saw how you badly you were struggling.
"That's it. I'm calling your doctor," she said, snatching your phone from the table to scroll through your contacts.
You took a deep breath in through your nose and out through your mouth, not bothering to stop her when she dialed the phone.
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You sat on the exam table, a loud and irritating white piece of paper separating your thighs from the padding as your doctor sat before you, gently explaining what was happening while a low ringing began to echo in your head.
Miscarriage... hCG levels... four or five weeks... bleeding will end soon.
You just sat there in complete shock, a dumbstruck look on your face as she continued to explain it was nothing you did or didn't do, that it's extremely common, that you would likely go on to have a perfectly healthy pregnancy if you wanted. Then she said your name softly and your eyes refocused onto her bright blue ones behind her wire rimmed glasses.
"Do you have any questions?" she asked with a comforting hand on your knee.
Those glasses didn't suit her face at all, they were too round. Why didn't anyone ever tell her?
"Uh," you croaked before clearing your throat. "I'm... I'm on the pill. How did this happen?"
"It's ninety nine percent effective but it's lower if you skip days or forget to take them at the same time. Did that happen last month at all?"
Last month. When you were on the island with Joel. It felt like a lifetime ago.
"Um, well, I was in Fiji last month," you began, fingers twisting anxiously in your lap. You still only had a pink paper gown to cover you after your exam. You felt so exposed and raw that your skin hurt.
"Did you account for the time change?" she asked. Your eyes fluttered shut and you dropped your chin to your chest.
"No." How stupid. Why didn't that occur to you? "I might have forgotten a day here and there, too. There was one weekend we were away and I forgot-" you stopped yourself and pinched the bridge of your nose. "Doesn't matter, I guess."
She patted your knee again and gave it a little squeeze.
"It's alright, you're going to be okay," she assured you. You nodded and swallowed thickly before looking back up.
"I know. I just... I thought if this ever happened..." you trailed off as you struggled to find the right words. "I thought I'd feel..." you couldn't finish your sentence but she seemed to understand anyway.
"It's completely normal. You didn't even know until it was already over. You're probably just in shock, it's a lot to take in," she said before kicking off the floor so her stool would roll over to the wall that held various pamphlets. She plucked a few from the hard plastic holders and held them out to you. "These will help explain more of what you're going through, but if you have any questions or if you're finding you need a little extra help to get through this, please give the office a call. We have a twenty four hour service, they'll connect me with you, day or night."
You thanked her softly and stared blankly at the pamphlets while she gathered her things before slipping out of the room, giving you some privacy to get dressed.
It was surreal, driving back home, burdened with this brand new knowledge, this thing you had no idea how to process. Shouldn't you be sad? Shouldn't you grieve the loss in some way? Maybe your doctor was right. Maybe you were in shock.
As you walked up to your building, a familiar olive green truck rumbled up to the curb, tapping out a light beep in greeting and shaking you out of your funk.
"Oh, hey," you said, smiling weakly at Jim when he jumped out with a wave.
"Good timing," he replied before climbing into the back of the truck to hand you a teddy bear with a little rose pinned to its chest. "He's switching it up," Jim said, smile falling when he saw the look on your face. "Hey, everything okay?"
You nodded quickly and reached for the pen to scribble your name. "Yeah, sorry, just tired."
He pressed his lips into a thin line before taking the pen back and giving you one last look.
"Well, get some rest, yeah? Need some help getting up to your place?"
"No, thank you, I'm good," you told him sincerely, then gave him a little wave before heading up the stairs to your building. He called out his usual see you tomorrow and you forced a smile before disappearing inside.
You supposed it was good you hadn't found a job yet. At least you could waste away in your bed until this strange feeling passed and you could process everything.
After you changed back into comfortable clothes with the plan to find some shitty movie to zone out to, you heard your doorbell buzz. With a confused frown, you shuffled back out into the living room, wondering who it could be. Jim had already dropped off Joel's daily gift and Celine had a key.
For one stupid, foolish moment you thought it might be Joel. Like he had somehow, from across the city and with absolutely no knowledge as to what was going on, found out about the miscarriage and came to scoop you into his arms and tell you everything would be okay.
The mere thought caused tears to sting your eyes and you quickly blinked them away, chalking it up to hormonal changes and the emotional morning.
"Yes?" you called weakly through the speaker.
A man's voice replied with your name posed as a question, followed by got a delivery here for you.
You buzzed him in and curiously craned your neck out into your hall, chewing your lower lip until the elevator dinged and a man dressed in an all brown uniform emerged carrying a large, flat, square package.
When he approached, he confirmed your name again before handing you something to sign, which you did blindly as your focus was still on the box at his feet.
"Where's it from?" you asked, stepping to the side so he could set it against your wall.
"Uh..." he trailed off, distracted momentarily by all the flowers, and then squinted at the paper you just signed. "Fiji Islands. That's pretty rad. Hope it's a vacation," he joked before tucking the clipboard under his arm and exiting back out into the hallway.
It took about ten seconds after he left for you to realize what it was, yet you still shakily opened the box, your palm cupping your mouth when the bubble wrap fell to the floor and Ellie's painting sat before you. You crumpled to the ground and squeezed your eyes shut, trying to block out the memories of pink seashells and stolen kisses and warm brown eyes and whispers of my girl. But it was staring you in the face. The painting that spoke to you before you even understood what it was saying, the painting Joel bought for you without a second thought, before you slept together, before it all fell apart.
Hot tears trickled down your face when you fumbled for your phone, your thumb hovering over the call button next to his name.
Just do it. Just call him. You wanted to hear his voice. You wanted him to hold you close and tell you it wasn't your fault. You wanted him to stay with you until the blood and the agony passed and everything from the past few hours became a horrible, distant memory.
Perhaps the shock was beginning to wear off.
At the last second, you scrolled up and tapped Celine's name instead. When she heard the broken sound of your voice, she dropped what she was doing to rush over, not even asking for details until you had stopped crying on her shoulder. You told her about your appointment. About the painting. About the seashells. About Brooks. About everything until your voice was raw and your face felt swollen and hot from crying.
She tucked you into bed and laid curled up next to you. She softly told you about her own miscarriage she had when she was nineteen. She told you the pain would go away, that the void inside would eventually fill again. But halfway through some movie she had found that mostly served as background noise, she turned to you and said the words you needed to hear. Like you were waiting for someone else's permission to give in.
"You gotta tell him, babe."
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You couldn't even remember how you got there, standing in front of his hotel five days later, body now mostly recovered and fueled by caffeine from the shop three blocks away. It felt like you were drawn to him, like you weren't even making your own decisions, telling yourself you were just going to take a short walk to enjoy the weather and clear your head after downing an iced coffee.
Certainly if you had known you would have been walking through the doors of his lobby, giving the same man from that first day in the same pristine black suit a nervous smile before making your way across the room, sneakers squeaking on the floor as you walked, you would have prepared a little better.
It was quiet. The concierge looked bored and tapped her pen on a pad of paper, chin resting in her fist as she pretended to work. Elevator cars silently whirred up and down on both sides of you, the glass walls allowing you a sneak peek at guests going up to their rooms.
You cleared your throat when you approached reception, your mouth opening to give them your name when a man's surprised voice said it for you.
Swiveling around, you locked eyes with a dark haired man wearing thick rimmed glasses and a black bow tie over his tight fitting white shirt and tailored pants. You gave him a small smile, but your confusion must have been obvious because he blinked and shook his head before stepping forward and offering you his hand.
"I'm Liam," he began, "Joel's assistant."
"Oh!" you exclaimed, shaking his hand while the gears slowly turned in your head. "Oh, so you're the one who bought all the clothes and stuff."
Liam grinned and nodded, dropping your hand so he could wrap both arms around the pad-folio pressed to his chest.
"I had pictures to work with when I was choosing colors. You know, so I could best compliment your hair and skin tone. I hope you liked everything."
"Yes! Oh, yes, everything was beautiful, thank you so much," you said hurriedly, then lowered your voice when you realized you were echoing. "Uh, is he in?"
Liam's shoulders sagged and he rolled his eyes dramatically.
"Yes, thank god," he breathed, waving you over to an elevator and pressing the button. "I was afraid you were just here picking something up. I'm so glad you want to see him, he's been -"
You frowned when Liam seemed to realize he was saying too much and he cut himself off, lips pursing as he stared at the unopened elevator.
"What?"
Liam shook his head and shrugged right when the doors slid open. He beckoned for you to enter first before following, pressing the pad of his finger into a scanner and tapping a button. Only when the doors shut did he turn back to you.
"He's been worse than usual. I think he's upset about whatever happened," he explained, then waved his hands in the air and added, "I mean, he didn't tell me anything, but I'm assuming something happened because he's picking out flowers every single morning and asking me to have them delivered."
"He's been picking them out?" you repeated.
Liam just nodded. "It's none of my business, but he's never had me do this for anyone before. And I've worked for him for ten years," he said dramatically, raising his thick eyebrows at you knowingly.
"Oh," you said softly, dropping your gaze to the floor.
The elevator chimed and the doors slid open, leading you out into the same hallway you walked down over two months ago when you first met. Butterflies instantly bloomed in your stomach as you followed behind Liam, keeping your gaze low while you tried to regulate your breathing. You had no idea how you were going to tell him, no rehearsed speech, nothing.
"He's in a meeting right now, but it'll be over in," Liam glanced at his watch, "twenty minutes. I'll take you to his office and let him know you're here when he's done."
You nodded and turned the corner, Joel's office already in view when you walked by the executive conference room. It looked the same as it did in your memory, the wall that bordered the hallway made of glass and inside, a long table with high back leather chairs. Only this time, people were inside having what appeared to be a very important meeting. Men and women in suits filled the table. Papers, mugs of coffee and laptops were scattered everywhere. The flat screen televisions projected extremely big numbers connected to various cities, presumably the locations of The Parador, but what made you stumble was seeing Joel at the head of the table.
His black tie was loosened around his neck, suit coat draped over the back of his chair as he stared at the screen, then his phone, gaze bouncing back and forth while next to him, a sweaty looking man gripping a laptop with one flat, shaky hand, spoke about the numbers.
You unconsciously slowed, unable to tear your eyes away when Joel stood up. His gaze was pinned to something on his phone, which now rested on the table. He was still listening to the man on his left but the more he spoke, the angrier Joel looked. You saw his nostrils flare and his jaw set while he rolled up the sleeves of his shirt, the irritation rolling off his tight shoulders until he finally snapped.
Their voices were muffled, but you probably wouldn't have been able to understand what they were talking about, anyway. Joel's brows were knit together, lips curled into a sneer as he spoke loudly enough to the group for you to hear the deep timber of his voice from where you stood in the hall.
Liam didn't say a word, allowing you to come to a standstill and watch Joel with a sly smirk from a few feet away.
You couldn't explain the feeling you had as you watched him, never before seeing him at work with your own two eyes. You knew he was important, obviously, but there was just something about the way he commanded the room, the way full grown men practically cowered when he began to pace around, his finger pointing at the sweaty man and then the screen. It made your heart race and your lips part as your breathing grew shallow, like you were in a trance.
And then Joel spun around, his eyes locking on yours through the glass like he suddenly sensed your presence, and the room went silent. His back instantly straightened and his brows relaxed and then a moment later he was storming towards the glass door.
"Joel?" you heard one of the men at the table call out when the door flung open.
"We're done, meeting's over," he tossed back over his shoulder. If you could have looked away from him, you would have seen the relieved look on all their faces as they began to hastily gather their things.
He stalked up to you, slowing to a stop when he was a couple feet away, then scanned you up and down, like he couldn't believe his eyes.
Neither of you spoke. You just stared at one another, hearts thundering wildly in your chests.
"Hey," he finally breathed, afraid if he spoke any louder he might scare you off.
"Hi," you replied timidly. Your gaze flickered around to Liam, to other people pretending to work within earshot, and to the people filing out of the conference room before meeting his eye again.
He finally snapped out of it and held out an arm, ushering you towards the direction of his office.
"C'mon," was all he said, and you quickly scurried down the hall with Joel hot on your heels.
"Can I get you anything? Coffee, water, tea?" Liam called. You could hear the smile in his voice before you turned around and said, "Water would be nice."
"I got water in here," Joel said gruffly, his hand gently grazing your lower back. He turned around to Liam and said, "No interruptions," before closing the door behind you both.
You looked around his office, everything just how you remembered it. Massive mahogany desk, dark green couch and chair near the well stocked bar, the entire room surrounded by bookshelves, awards, and various decor items, but no picture frames. How didn't you notice that before?
"Have a seat," Joel said, sliding past to get you ice water from the bar. You sunk down into the green couch, feeling just as nervous as the last time you were there.
"Thank you," you said when he placed the glass on a coaster. He nodded and seemed to take a moment before deciding to sit in the chair, giving you your space.
"I'm glad you came," he said, leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees. Your eyes dropped to your shoes. Your dirty sneakers pressing into his expensive carpet and your frayed jeans... you couldn't even remember the last time they were washed.
"Yeah," you replied, voice sounding nothing like your own. You reached for your water and took a sip before carefully setting it down, fearful of even one drop landing on the rug or table. "I'm sorry. You were in a meeting, I would have waited."
"Fuck 'em," he said, and your eyes rose to find his. God, they looked so soft and kind, the way the sunlight hit them took your breath away. "Would rather talk to you than any of 'em," he added with a little smile.
"I got the painting," you told him. "It's beautiful, thank you," you added warmly, then frowned a bit when he excitedly stood to hurry behind his desk.
"That reminds me, I got somethin' else for you."
"Oh, Joel, please don't tell me it's more flowers," you begged, and he laughed lightly before bringing over a small black shopping bag. There was a designer label stamped on the side and you frowned.
"It ain't that - just open it," he insisted, handing you the bag before sitting back down on the edge of his seat.
Hesitantly, you peered inside, and what awaited you tore your heart in two.
"Joel..."
He smiled. He couldn't help himself.
"Was gonna leave it by your door or somethin' later," he said, his brown eyes sparkling as you lifted one of many pink seashells out of the bag to get a closer look.
"When did you -"
"Had to go back for a couple days and sign some paperwork," he explained. Your eyebrows pulled together and tears welled in your eyes as you stared down at the beautiful seashells he had collected, all for you.
"Thank you," you whispered, gingerly setting it back into the bag and placing it at your feet.
"You're welcome," he replied, his soft tone matching yours.
Alright. It was now or never.
You took a deep breath, rubbing your palms anxiously over the tops of your thighs, but before you could get a word out, he spoke again.
"I wanna tell you everythin'," he said. All the air left your lungs and you swallowed tightly. "I mean it. I'll tell you everythin', and not 'cause you want me to, 'cause I want to. I've been doin' alotta thinkin', and -"
"Joel," you interrupted. He scratched his eyebrow with his thumb and shook his head.
"Just hear me out."
"No, Joel, I need to tell you something," you said. He must have heard something change in your voice because he stopped talking. He searched your face for any indication of what was to come, but of course came up empty.
"Okay," he said slowly. He watched your fingers fidget nervously in your lap and suddenly you couldn't make eye contact with him anymore.
"I don't really know how to say this," you began.
Oh fuck, you've met someone else, was his first thought.
"I, uh," then you squeezed your eyes shut and pressed your lips into a tight line and panic seized his throat.
Something was wrong.
"It's okay," he said soothingly. He tried to inch forward but if he moved any more he would fall off the damn chair. "Go ahead, darlin'. What's goin' on?"
One single tear slid down your cheek and he swore he stopped breathing when you said the words I had a miscarriage.
"What?" he whispered, pain and confusion clouding his face.
You opened your eyes and forced yourself to look at him.
"I had a miscarriage and I just thought you had a right to know."
Your voice trembled and cracked as you forced the words out and he couldn't hold back any longer. He stood and rushed to your side, just like you always knew he would, just like you wanted. He enveloped you in his arms and pressed his lips against the top of your head. He rocked you back and forth, strong arms curled around your midsection, and you melted. You melted into him and didn't even try to fight it. For the past week, hell, for the past month, it was all you wanted.
"When?" he choked out. You circled your arms around him and your legs were suddenly pulled across his lap. He smelled so good, like that cologne you never could identify but was so distinctly him. You dragged in a deep breath, unaware of the tears streaming down your cheeks.
"About a week ago."
Joel's grip around you tightened.
"You shoulda called me, baby. I woulda been there."
"I know," you sniffled. You rubbed the back of your hand under your nose and tried to breathe deep. "I know. But I didn't know it even happened until I went to the doctor."
You told him the whole story. Told him how you thought it was a bad period, how Celine called your doctor, how she explained what likely happened and that it was your own stupid fucking fault for messing up your pill.
"It ain't your fault," he told you, his voice reverberating in his chest. You closed your eyes and leaned into him, fingers grappling at the fabric of his shirt.
"You're not mad?" you whimpered.
"Baby, please," he begged, "'Course I ain't mad. Don't go carryin' this 'round. Don't carry that guilt. If it was meant to be, it would be, alright?"
Your tears flowed, then, unstoppable as they barreled down your cheeks. Your sobs could probably be heard from the other side of the door but you didn't care. Joel continued to hold you, cradle you, and hum soothingly against the top of your head until your tears slowed and your breath grew ragged.
"Are you okay?" he asked after you quieted down. His hand was flat against your back, rubbing wide circles as you continued to cling to him.
"Yeah, I think so," you said truthfully. "I just didn't expect it and then with the hormone change, it all kind of hit me at once, you know?"
"Yeah," he answered, "yeah, I get it. Is there anythin' I can do? Anythin' you need?"
You shook your head, biting down hard on your lip so you didn't say I just need you.
It seemed as though maybe he read your mind, or maybe he really had been giving things alot of thought because the next thing he said was, "I wanna do this right."
You felt the next wave of tears coming so you burrowed further into him, pressing your face against his neck, breathing him in and letting him slowly put you back together with each comforting stroke of his hand.
"Lemme do this right, sweetheart, please. Tell me how to fix it."
You didn't have the answer. Your eyes were dry and burning from all the tears you had just spilled and you felt completely drained. Every muscle in your body felt weak and useless, the last thing you wanted to do was think.
You continued to sit in silence, the only sound coming from the gold mantle clock slowly ticking away the seconds and some very faint murmuring when groups of people would walk by Joel's office. You closed your eyes, encased in his warmth, and let your mind drift back to everything that went wrong, wondering how you would do things differently if you could go back in time. Then you remembered something Joel had said on the plane and your eyes snapped open.
"What if we started over?"
His thumb, which was drawing slow, comforting circles over your arm, paused.
"You'd - yeah," he agreed, sounding a little breathless, "yeah, I think that's a good idea."
You sat up, untangling yourself from him so you could sit properly on the couch. You pulled your legs from his lap and tucked them underneath you before sticking out your hand and reintroducing yourself with a shaky smile.
He gave you a little grin before taking your hand in his, eyes glistening when he said, "Joel Miller."
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It was impossible to keep the smile from your face when you heard the buzzer, followed by Joel's deep voice letting you know he was there to pick you up for your date.
Your "first" date.
With a skip in your step, you trotted to the elevator, tapped your foot impatiently all the way down, and practically ran out into the lobby with excitement. You caught yourself at the last second, making sure you looked more collected and cool than you really felt before pushing open the front doors.
And there he stood, in all his glory, at the bottom of your building's stone steps. His hands were in the pockets of his expensive black suit, and he grinned when he saw you for the first time, a stark contrast from the last time you each stood in those spots.
"You look beautiful," he murmured when you got closer, eyes dropping appreciatively to take in the light blue floral dress you chose, then bent over to plant a kiss on your cheek. The way his scruff tickled your skin had a wave of goosebumps flashing over your arms, making you shiver.
"Thank you," you said, scooting into the backseat of his car when he held the door open for you.
"Hi, Richie."
"Hey, honey," he replied with a smile and wink in the review mirror.
Joel rounded the back of the car and slipped in beside you, then gave Richie a nod to start driving.
"Wait, where are we going?" you asked as you buckled your seatbelt.
"Got a reservation at this French restaurant that just opened up. Supposed to be impossible to get in but, well..." he smirked a little and shrugged, letting his sentence trail off.
"Uh, I was actually thinking of something else."
Joel gave you a curious look. "Like what?"
"Like... maybe getting pizza at Sal's and then catching the 9:45 showing of Shadow Strike?" you offered with a cheesy smile. Joel laughed, eyes crinkling as he tipped his head back. Seeing him so relaxed and happy was truly a sight to behold.
"Anythin' you want," he replied, then leaned forward. "Hear that, Richie?"
"Yes, sir."
Joel patted the headrest twice and sat back, brown eyes dancing when they found you again.
"Hole in the wall pizza joint and a movie theater? I'm gonna regret wearin' these shoes, ain't I?"
You looked down at the shiny, black leather and giggled.
"How much were they?"
"Seven hundred."
"Oh, yeah, you'll definitely regret it."
The floors at Sal's left little to be desired, for sure, but the pizza was undeniably the best in town. One bite had Joel forgetting all about the stained laminate flooring.
"Right?" you asked excitedly when his eyebrows raised in surprise.
He only nodded, his mouth full until he swallowed and said, "Didn't think there was any decent pizza out here. Reminds me of New York pizza," before taking another large bite.
You giggled and leaned across the high top table to grab the shaker of parmesan cheese.
"I'll have to take your word for it, I've never been."
"You've never been to New York?" he echoed incredulously, and you shook you head as you took another bite. Joel gave you a fake look of disappointment before saying, "I'll have to take you with me next time."
"Do you go often?" you asked, tucking away the idea of traveling again with Joel for later.
"Yeah, 'sides the hotel out here, New York's my biggest source of revenue."
"For now, right?" you countered. He grinned and wiped the corner of his mouth with a thin paper napkin.
"We're a long ways off from openin' in Fiji, but, yeah, that one's projected to make the most."
You nodded, both falling into a comfortable silence while you finished your food.
"Alright," Joel said after balling up his napkins and tossing them onto his greasy paper plate. "Where're you from?"
You laughed and felt your cheeks warm when you replied, "You already know that."
"It's our first date," he reminded you with an adorable smile. His forearms were crossed and resting on the tabletop. He leaned forward like he was sharing a secret, completely oblivious to the looks he was getting when other customers saw him in his sharp, black suit, completely out of place for the setting.
"Okay, I'll play," you decided, leaning forward to mimic his posture. "I'm from Tennessee."
"And what brought you all the way out here?"
You laughed and said, "College."
"You lose your accent or did you never have one?" he asked.
"Uh, I might've had a small accent when I first moved, but I'm afraid it's long gone now. Not like yours," you pointed out.
When you first met, Joel refused to share anything about himself. You were delighted to find out that had changed.
"Grew up in Texas. Whenever I feel it fadin', I know it's time to go back for a visit," he joked, watching your eyes light up when he freely shared something about himself.
"W-where in Texas?" you stammered. You were still unsure of how much he was willing to share, so you figured you would keep your questions to a minimum. But once again, he shocked you.
"Austin. Parents are still out there somewhere. Little brother, too, pretty sure."
"Oh," you replied softly. You grew nervous at the mention of his brother, remembering how the last time he was brought up didn't go so well, so you chose to leave the topic alone and instead focused on his parents.
"Are you close with your mom and dad?"
Joel shrugged, appearing calm on the outside but he could feel his heart pumping faster and his foot began to tap anxiously. If it weren't for the noisy, sticky floor giving him away, you may not have noticed, but you did.
He was nervous, but he was still trying.
You reached out to gently squeeze his arm, making him smile.
"We don't have to," you whispered. We can go slow, it's okay.
"Not as close as I used to be," he said, ignoring the out you gave and allowing the words to tumble out of him all at once. "Y'know how families are. Stupid fights 'n all that."
You nodded vigorously in agreement. "Same with me. Well, I never got along great with my parents. I was always looking for a reason to leave. I applied to schools as far away from home as possible, then me and my best friend both got into UC and it was a no brainer."
Joel looked relieved when you pulled the focus back onto yourself. His shoulders relaxed a bit and he leaned forward.
"The friend you were tellin' me 'bout?" he asked, letting you fill in the rest of the sentence. The one who called the doctor.
"Celine," you offered, "yeah. We've been friends forever."
On the way back to his car, you told him a story from when you and Celine were in high school. Back when you were underage and dumb and drank too much at a house party to impress a boy and you ended up vomiting into some boxwoods while Celine held your hair back.
"The neighbor boy?" Joel guessed.
"You remembered," you said, sounding impressed. He gave you a knowing look, lips pulling into half a smirk, like he were saying of course I remembered.
"Well, yeah. The very same," you confirmed with a deep breath. You fidgeted with the skirt of your dress, trying to hide the sudden wave of shyness that washed over you. Even though you had history, that night somehow really did feel like a first date.
Joel took your hand when you stepped out of the car and he led you into the movie theater, only letting you go when he needed both hands to pay for your tickets.
"I had my first kiss in a movie theater," Joel said as he stood in line beside you for popcorn. You tilted your head to look at him, excited once again he was sharing something personal about himself.
"What movie was it?"
"Indiana Jones," he replied without hesitation. Then you laughed when he added, "I was so nervous the whole time, barely saw a minute of it. Kept psychin' myself up to make a move and couldn't think 'bout anythin' else."
"I can't imagine you nervous," you teased, then right before the clerk called you up to the counter, you locked eyes.
"You make me nervous all the time."
You blinked, stunned by his sudden vulnerability, and then a second later he was at the counter ordering.
"C'mon, don't wanna miss the beginning," he said as he handed you your drink and motioned towards the theaters, completely unperturbed.
When you picked the movie, you figured a standard action flick would be pretty safe. You steered clear of anything romantic, not wanting to inadvertently draw parallels to your own relationship, and you even avoided horror because you had a tendency to cling to the person you're with out of fear. Yet somehow you still found yourself inching closer to him.
At first, you crossed your legs and your foot grazed his knee. Purely accidental. You even apologized and shifted a bit to create more space. But then you kept leaning on the armrest between you and your head tilted to rest between both seats. You wanted to blame it on the fact that he held the popcorn bucket, but he was kind enough to move it closer so you wouldn't have to reach so far.
Around the halfway point of the movie, his hand found your knee. If you recalled correctly, it was during one of the rare funny parts of the movie and you both had leaned forward to laugh. His hand grabbed you for support and just kind of... stayed there.
After that, you had trouble following the plot.
"Wait... who is he again?" you whispered. Joel's fingers flexed on your knee when he leaned over and you were eternally grateful the dark room hid how flustered it made you.
"The marine? He's the brother from earlier."
"Oh, right," you replied, and you must not have sounded very convincing because he gave you a look and you giggled, slapping your palm over your mouth when the people a couple rows ahead of you turned around.
Joel grinned and remained where he was instead of straightening back up.
A few more minutes went by. You pretended to watch the movie but he was too distracting, being that close. Your gaze kept drifting off the screen and down to his hand, then from his hand up to his face, admiring the way the light from the film played across his perfect side profile.
He felt your eyes on him and he turned his head, still smiling when he asked, "You alright?"
"Mhmm," you hummed with a vigorous nod. Then you found yourself leaning a little closer and his gaze flickered from your eyes to your lips, then back to your eyes again.
It wasn't your fault. He looked so ridiculous and handsome in his expensive suit eating buttery popcorn in an old movie theater. You simply couldn't help yourself. You both inched forward at the same time and gently pressed your lips together. At first, it was timid and sweet and sent a spark down your spine. It felt so nice to kiss him again after so long and after everything that happened, you easily lost yourself in him.
Too easily.
By the time the credits rolled and the dim lights slowly turned back on, you had both hands buried in his hair and his tongue halfway down your throat. When you realized that people could see you, you hurriedly pulled apart at the exact same time. Joel's hand, which had once been on your knee and had since traveled up the skirt of your dress, gave your thigh a little squeeze before begrudgingly untangling himself from you.
"Maybe we should go," you said, giving him a shy glance after fixing yourself up a bit.
"Yeah, just... gimme a minute," he replied, his eyes rolling to stare at the ceiling as he took a few deep, focused breaths. The theater was almost empty and you were about to ask what was wrong when you noticed the bulge in his pants. Heat flooded your face and you looked away to hide your laughter, but he caught you.
"Oh, you think it's funny?" he asked. He tried to sound serious but he couldn't keep the smile from his face.
"A little," you admitted when you looked back at him. He grinned and finally stood up with a groan, tugging his suit coat closed before reaching for your hand.
"I'll remember that," he warned as he led you down the steps and back out into the lobby.
Once you were settled in his car with Richie driving through the dark, quiet streets back towards your apartment, you turned to Joel and asked, "Better than Indiana Jones?"
"Oh, no contest, baby," he murmured with a sly smile.
You giggled and let his fingers thread through yours on top of the seat. Your cheeks ached from how much you laughed and smiled that night. Admittedly, you had your doubts you would be able to really start over after everything that happened, but things felt so different now. In large part, that had to do with Joel and how much he was trying. He pushed himself to open up to you a little bit, despite his uneasiness, and he had no problem agreeing to a normal first date at the last minute.
He was really trying, and he was doing it for you.
"I got it, Richie," Joel said when the car pulled up to your curb and the driver had moved to unbuckle his belt. He gave Joel a nod in the review mirror and stayed put as Joel swung his door open to step outside. Then his eyes shifted to yours and he smiled.
"Have a good night, honey."
"Thanks, Richie, you too," you said warmly just as Joel opened your door.
He held out his hand and you took it, steadying yourself to stand, and gave him a grateful smile right when he pushed the door shut. Wrapping your arms around the crook of his elbow, he led you up the steps to the front door of your building, only letting you go to search for your keys.
"Well, thank you," you said, sounding a little more breathless than you intended, but Joel seemed to like it because his brown eyes sparkled and his mouth twitched when he heard the desire laced in your voice. "I had a great time."
"Me, too," he murmured as he casually leaned against the doorframe, playfully cocking his head to the side as he sized you up and down. "Y'know, I've never seen your place," he said innocently, but when your jaw dropped in mock offense and you gave his shoulder a gentle push, he threw his head back and laughed.
"Excuse me, I don't put out on the first date," you joked, unable to stop yourself from smiling.
"No, 'course not. Was just pointin' out a fact, is all," Joel replied with a matching grin of his own.
"Oh, is that all?" you echoed, leaning forward and wrapping his tie around your fist, then giving it a gentle tug so he would meet you halfway.
"Yeah," he whispered right before your mouths found each other once again. You could still taste the salt and butter from the popcorn on his lips as he crowded you against the door, both his hands flying up to cup each side of your face, cradling it gently while his lips massaged yours. There was just something about him that always had you melting into a puddle at his feet, and that evening was no exception. You had to tear yourself away with a soft laugh before you broke your rule and invited him upstairs.
"Can we do this again?" he asked as you slid your key into the door. You pushed it open and stepped inside, turning back to face him.
"I would love that."
Joel grinned and promised he would call before you waved goodnight and disappeared into the lobby.
When your elevator opened up on your floor, you hurried to your apartment, exhausted but giddy with excitement at how perfect the date went. You flicked on your lights and locked your door before kicking your heels off and throwing your purse onto the couch, but not before digging out your phone to taken with you as you got changed and ready for bed.
You had just finished brushing your teeth, not ten minutes after he left, when your phone rang. Your heart fluttered in your chest when you saw his name, and you slipped between your bedsheets before answering.
"Hello?"
"Hey."
You could hear the road noise in the background when you asked, "Did you forget something?"
"Nope. Just said I would call."
You laughed and pulled your blankets up around your chin.
"I thought that meant maybe tomorrow."
"Miss you, didn't wanna wait," he answered immediately. You bit your lower lip and even though he couldn't see you, you pressed your palm over your cheeks when you felt them grow hot.
"I miss you, too," you whispered.
After a beat of silence where you were each smiling like fools for no one to see, he spoke again.
"What do you wanna do for our next date?"
"Hmm," you tapped your chin thoughtfully for a moment. "How about you pick the next one since I picked this one? We can take turns."
You heard his deep chuckle on the other end and you grinned.
"I like it. You're on."
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You figured Joel would pick something a little fancier than you, but you weren't expecting him to propose a date to the opera for your fourth date. It was a far cry from the shitty little dive bar around the corner that had a really fun trivia night you dragged him to a few days before.
Joel! I don't have anything to wear to the opera!
I kept all your clothes. I'll have Liam drop off some things before EOD.
Before you even had a chance to process the fact Joel had kept everything from your trip to Fiji and what that could possibly mean, your phone pinged with another text.
Told you you should've kept them
You grinned and shook your head.
And I told *you* I don't have the room
When are you gonna let me see this tiny apartment of yours?
You glanced around your living room, the space was cozy but definitely not spacious. It was hard to even imagine Joel there. Would he even like it? He was definitely used to a very different lifestyle than you. You were nervously chewing your nail, lost in thought, when your phone pinged again.
Sorry, not trying to pressure you, that's not what I meant
Shit, you took too long to answer and had him second guessing himself.
I know lol I was just reading an email - sorry
It wasn't entirely untrue. Your laptop sat open on your coffee table, your email program sitting before you.
Any luck on the job front?
No... not yet. Fortunately I have a handsome benefactor paying my rent for the next two months ;)
Your handsome benefactor would really like it if you let him help you find a job, baby
You rolled your eyes and sighed before typing out, don't you have a company to run?
I can do two things at once
You laughed to yourself and leaned back into your couch, staring at your phone longingly.
Since your first date with Joel, you had spoken every single day, approximately two weeks. What surprised you the most was the constant stream of texts he sent you throughout the day. You saw how he was in Fiji, you knew he was busy and had meetings and calls around the clock. How on earth he managed to do both still astounded you.
Because he was really trying, a little voice in the back of your head piped up.
He really did seem like a completely different man from the one you first met. Traces of him were still there: he hadn't yet come clean about his daughter or brother, but every time you saw each other, he made a point of sharing something new about himself. He told you a handful of stories from when he was younger, living in Texas. He told you his brother was a contractor but that was the only thing you knew about him. And that was okay. You wanted him to tell you about himself on his own terms, without feeling pressured, and that was exactly what he was doing.
Well I need to shower and figure out what to do with my hair for tonight. Unfortunately my phone's not waterproof so I guess I'll just see you later?
Looking forward to it - I'll let you know when to expect Liam
Like he promised, Liam arrived around four in the afternoon with an armful of dresses draped over one arm and a bag of shoes in the other.
"Oh, god, here - lemme help you," you said when you saw how much he was carrying from the elevator. He shot you a relieved smile when you grabbed a few things from his arms and helped him inside your apartment. He took one quick glance around and said, "Cute," before laying the dresses out on your couch and unzipping the bags.
"Alright. I brought a few pieces I thought would work best. You're free to do whatever, of course, but I would recommend the Chanel dress with the Valentino shoes."
Your eyes darted around at the items suddenly taking up all of the space in your living room and tried not to look completely out of your depth, but he must have been able to tell because he snatched up both items and handed them to you.
"Oh, thanks," you told him. The Chanel dress was a slinky black number you never had a chance to wear on the island, and the shoes were strappy heels you thought you wore once to a dinner with Zoe.
"Have you seen La Traviata before?" Liam asked. You chuckled and shook your head.
"I've never even been to the opera before."
Liam smiled and clapped his hands together gleefully. "Oh, you'll have such a great time! This is a great one to see. Especially from the box. You'll be able to see everything and won't have to dodge horrible hairdos or top hats."
"B-box? Joel's got box seats?" you stammered. He laughed and began to open a small toiletry bag filled with jewelry.
"Of course he does."
Liam held up a few necklaces before settling on a thin chain of diamonds and setting it aside. He then dug out matching earrings and a bracelet while he asked, "What are you planning to do with your hair?"
You had washed and dried it but otherwise, you hadn't gotten further than that.
"Uh, just wear it down, I guess."
Liam straightened up and gave you a once over. "Want some help?"
Relief flooded your veins and you quickly nodded. "Do you mind?"
He smiled and shook his head before flapping his hands, ushering you towards your bathroom.
"Not at all. Let's see what you're working with."
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"Jesus, you look beautiful," Joel murmured for the fourth time since he picked you up. He had one arm wrapped tightly around your middle, pulling you close to his side as you weaved through the lobby of the opera house. You owed it all to Liam. He was a lifesaver. He picked out your outfit and helped curl your hair where you couldn't reach it, keeping you distracted while he told you about his boyfriend's parents and their lavish home in Malibu.
"Thank you," you replied softly, looking him up and down in his sharp, black tuxedo before reminding him how good he looked, too.
"You wanna get a drink before it starts? We got 'bout ten minutes," he said, looking quickly at his watch before catching your eye.
"Uh, no, thanks. I'm good," you replied, looking past him to admire the ornate architecture. "Do you come to the opera often?"
"Not as much as I like," he told you while leading you towards a flight of carpeted stairs in the corner of the room. "Don't usually have many dates," he added with a little smirk. You smiled back, heart fluttering a little in your chest at how relaxed and happy he seemed.
He had been so good about opening up lately, you decided to test the waters and see how he would react.
"When was your last relationship?"
He faltered for just a quick moment when he reached out to pull back the red velvet curtain that led to your box seats, but he recovered nicely.
"You mean a real relationship?" he asked, and you nodded. He pulled out your chair and you swept the skirt of your dress underneath you before sitting down and thanking him.
"Well, that woulda been with Sarah's mom."
Your eyebrows shot up in surprise and you twisted in your seat to look at him. He was fixing his suit coat, looking down as his fingers nervously fidgeted with the buttons while he spoke.
"Was a long time ago. Sarah's fifteen now," he added, clearing his throat before locking eyes with you.
You swallowed and nodded before forcing yourself to reply, trying not to look too eager to hear more.
"That's a long time."
"Explains why I'm so rusty," he joked, cracking a little smile which you quickly reciprocated.
"You're not as rusty as you think," you teased. "I've been having a really great time the past couple weeks."
His smile softened and he instinctively found your hand, his thumb rubbing over your knuckles.
"Me, too," he murmured, dark eyes sparkling in the dim lighting from the chandeliers hanging over the auditorium.
His hand rarely left yours the entire three hours. The brief moments where the audience was expected to clap were the only exception, and then his hand immediately fell to yours once again. There was something so sweet and tender about the gesture, it made your chest squeeze and had you wishing you could curl into his side and wrap yourself around him.
What was wonderful was he didn't expect anything from you in these two short weeks, but then again, he never really did. Not in the way you were thinking, anyway. But that particular evening, you couldn't stop yourself from thinking about it. It might have been the heart-wrenchingly beautiful arias, or his thick fingers laced between yours, or how fucking good he looked in his tux, but whatever it was, it was driving you crazy. During the final hour of the performance, you were trying not to squirm in your seat too much and distract him because it truly was a beautiful opera, and you enjoyed it much more than you expected, but your close proximity and constant contact had your body reacting in ways that were not appropriate for the setting.
Even in the car on the way back to your apartment, you struggled to carry on a simple fucking conversation with him, allowing Joel to do most of the talking as he described his favorite parts while your eyes subtly darted between him and Richie, wishing more than ever that Joel would use that goddamn partition you knew the car had but he never seemed to utilize.
The three dates you've had before all ended the same way. Richie had figured out by now that Joel preferred to open your door himself, so he remained seated after giving you a quick good night over his shoulder while Joel slid out of the car to walk you up. He would kiss you, tell you what a fun time he had, maybe offer up a suggestion for your next date and probably give you a flirty little joke or comment before kissing you one last time with the promise to call.
This time, you only let him get to the first kiss before you whispered against his lips, "Do you want to come up and finally see my apartment?"
He pulled back like he had been electrocuted and you stifled a giggle at the serious look on his face. You could practically see the gears in his head turning as he tried to formulate a response.
"Or, you know, you could see it another time if you're tired," you added, hiding your smirk when you turned to unlock your front door.
"N-no, that's - y'sure?" he asked from over your shoulder. You pushed open the door and took one step inside before turning back around. Dragging your gaze up and down his body, you looked him dead in the eye when you said, "Absolutely."
Joel waved Richie off when you turned to drag him into your building, praying the ancient elevator wouldn't take forever like it normally did. You were in luck: it opened right away for once, and you quickly stepped inside before repeatedly jabbing the button for your floor. Joel chuckled behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist when the doors closed.
"That excited to show me your place, hm?" he murmured, his lips brushing over your bare shoulder. You leaned back into his chest, head lolling to the side and eyelids fluttering when his prickly mustache tickled your neck.
"Mhmm," you hummed, then bravely added, "especially my bedroom."
He groaned and gently bit at the skin behind your ear, teeth grazing over a tender spot, making you shudder.
"C'mon," you muttered once the doors slid open, grabbing his hand and hauling him down the hall towards your apartment. When you turned the corner, your eyes widened in surprise when you almost ran into your neighbor.
"Oh! Mrs. Adams! Hi... s-sorry," you stammered at the elderly woman wrapped in her robe with her tiny white dog cradled in her arms.
"Ma'am," Joel said with a friendly nod.
She said your name in greeting, then gave Joel a suspicious look over her shoulder before disappearing inside your abandoned elevator. You giggled and knocked your door open with your hip, pulling him inside and locking the door while flicking on your lights.
With one hand on your lower back, he looked around your meager apartment, standing in the middle of your living room slash kitchen in his tuxedo looking more out of place than you could have ever imagined, but it didn't bother you. Turned out, you liked seeing him in your space. You wanted to have memories of him sitting on your couch or eating at your table or taking a shower in your bathroom.
"I like it," he said, eyes still darting around to take in every little thing. Then he spotted some framed photographs on your entertainment center and he took a step forward.
"Can we look at those later?" you asked, tugging him back. He grinned and nodded before cupping your jaw and placing a tender kiss against your lips.
"You got somethin' else in mind?" he teased, but you just nodded earnestly and began to tug at his tie. He chuckled and watched you yank it from around his neck, dropping it on your floor before beginning to undo his buttons.
His hands fell to your sides, running up and down and plucking at the slinky fabric of your dress while you undid half the buttons of his crisp white shirt. Pleased to find he wasn't wearing an undershirt, you lunged forward and started to leave a trail of wet kisses leading from the center of his chest all the way up to the corner of his mouth.
"Missed you," he breathed, letting his eyes fall closed while you worked on sucking a bruise into his neck. Your fingers worked faster now, tugging the shirt from his dress pants and fumbling with the remaining buttons.
"Me, too," you whispered, lips still nipping at his skin, tongue darting out to press against his pulse. His shirt finally fell open and your nails lightly dragged down his chest when you added, "Need you. Please, Joel... kiss me."
You didn't need to ask twice.
His mouth collided with yours, all messy and urgent, and he began to walk you backwards towards the open door of your bedroom. He deftly worked the zipper on the back of your dress, pulling it down as he walked, mouth still seared across yours.
When you stepped through the threshold, your heels transitioning from hardwood to carpet, you blindly flung a hand out and flicked a light switch. In the corner of your room, a floor lamp turned on, casting you both in a soft glow when Joel finally pushed you down onto your bed.
His eyes, dark and filled with desire, dragged up and down your body while he unbuttoned his cuffs and shrugged off his shirt. Your dress was unzipped but still hung from your shoulders as you watched him slowly work his belt with bated breath.
"I like your room," he told you, tone casual like he wasn't taking off his pants and palming his cock through his boxers.
"Thanks," you laughed as you began to squirm out of your dress. He grinned and grabbed a heel in each hand before sliding them off and tossing them into a corner. "I can't imagine the kind of bedroom you have. Probably as big as the entire floor of this building."
"You'll have to come over and see," Joel said, eyes glued to your dress when it slid to the floor. He knelt on the edge of your mattress, old bed squeaking under his weight, then fell forward to hover above you.
He traced a finger along your jaw, mesmerized for a moment as he admired you up close. When he heard your breathing stutter under the scrutiny, his gaze flickered up to yours and he pinched your chin.
"I'm sorry," he said softly. "For everythin'. For every time I pushed you away 'n every time I made you cry."
The sudden shift in mood stunned you for a second and he took the opportunity to press his lips firmly against yours, tethering you together for just a moment before pulling away.
"Thank you for givin' me another chance," he whispered, closing his eyes and nudging his nose gently against yours. "I won't fuck this up again, baby, I promise."
"You better fucking not," you sniffled, then wrapped your arms loosely around his neck to pull him into another deep kiss so he wouldn't see your eyes grow watery.
"There's my girl," he chuckled at your sass when he broke away to pepper kisses along your jaw. My girl. Hearing those words shot a bolt of arousal through you and your hips began to subtly rock upwards, seeking out some friction to soothe the ache between your legs.
"Want me to take care of you?" he murmured into your skin. "Want me to make you feel good, baby?"
"Yeah," you whined, hips bucking upwards to chase his hand that dropped between your thighs, fingers teasing at your seam through your soaked panties. Then he hooked the fabric to the side, his mouth finding yours right when he slid two thick fingers inside you, swallowing down your gasp and groaning at the sharp bite of pain from your nails digging into his shoulders.
"Shit," you whispered when he began to plunge them in and out, curling and flexing his fingers inside your wet walls, soaked from the arousal building since you first saw him in his tuxedo when he picked you up.
Joel hummed, relishing in the familiar feel around him and trying to hold himself back from pulling his hand out from between your legs so he could bury his cock deep inside you, instead.
But he refused to be selfish. He said he wanted to take care of you, and he meant it. He meant it in every imaginable way.
All he wanted was you.
"So beautiful, y'know that?" he mumbled, mouth dragging over your jaw, teeth lightly nipping at your chin. "So warm 'n perfect, missed havin' you like this," he continued, lips twitching when he saw your eyes squeeze shut and mouth fall open when his fingertips brushed against that spot that had you reduced to a mumbling mess underneath him.
Joel could sense he had you right on the edge. He heard it in the way your breath came in staggered gasps and could feel it in the way your legs began to quake. He picked up the pace, breath puffing hot and fast from his nose, eyes locked on your face, eager to watch you fall apart for him after what felt like an eternity without you.
Then his face broke out into a cocky grin when the heel of his palm started to slap against your clit with each snap of his wrist. The noises you made for him were like music to his ears, a symphony of his name and more and don't stop and a litany of curses.
"Gonna come for me, darlin'? Gonna come 'n let me fuck this perfect little pussy?" he growled while biting gently at your earlobe. You whined and tipped your head back, pushing deep into your pillow as the pleasure mounted low in your belly, burning bright when it finally spilled over with a pathetic hoarse whimper. Joel groaned when your nails dragged down unexpectedly hard, leaving angry red trails over the skin of his back. Marks he would catch in the mirror on Monday and grin proudly at his reflection after he stepped out of his shower.
"Fuck, Joel," you panted, eyes fluttering open to gaze up at him. You looked so beautiful like that. All fucked out, hair a mess, skin hot, lips swollen. He dove down and pulled your lower lip between his teeth, gently tugging before letting it go and slipping his tongue into your eager mouth. His fingers had slowed to a stop inside you, but he could still feel your cunt pulsing with the aftershocks of your orgasm. It was a feeling he was very familiar with. A feeling he craved and now that he had it again, feared he may go insane if he didn't feel it around his painfully hard cock very soon.
As if you read his mind, you dragged your mouth away from his to whisper in his ear, "Fuck me, Joel," and he swore the edges of his vision blurred from just your request alone.
A high pitched moan slipped past your lips when he pulled his fingers out from between your legs. You rolled your head to the side, the sudden emptiness causing you to writhe in discomfort, but you wouldn't have to wait very long.
He reached around to unhook your strapless bra and tossed it onto your floor, like he was mad at it for keeping you from him. Then he made short work of your underwear, which you looked relieved to finally be rid of, before pulling down his boxers and freeing his throbbing cock. He caught your gaze drop and your teeth sunk into your lower lip before sitting up.
"I wanna suck it," you announced, but when you began to lean down, he grabbed your shoulders and hauled you up.
"Not tonight," he told you, and you whined a little as you reached down to stroke him. He groaned and tipped his head back, hips thrusting into your fist on their own accord.
"Please," you pleaded, lips puckering around his adam's apple. And you almost got him. He could hardly resist when you begged, especially with the promise of your warm, soft mouth wrapped around his cock, but he knew he wouldn't last long if he let you.
"Lemme fuck you, baby," he murmured when he gave you a gentle push. You flopped back onto your bed with a playful scowl, tits bouncing a little from the impact when he suddenly reached down to the floor to grab his pants. He pulled out a little foil wrapper and you frowned.
"We don't have to-"
"Just bein' extra careful, alright?" he told you, cutting you off as he rolled the condom on.
"I have an implant now. It won't be a problem like last time," you insisted, but he already tossed the wrapper to the ground and fell onto his elbows, hovering above you.
"Humor me," he said with a little smirk right before his hips pushed your thighs apart, wasting no time lining himself up with your entrance.
Normally, he would go slow. Normally, he would take his time and feed you his cock inch by inch, but on that particular evening, he was too desperate. With one deep grunt and rough thrust, he sheathed himself inside you in one go, making your jaw drop and your eyes roll to the back of your head.
"Sorry," he gasped, forehead falling to your shoulder. He squeezed his eyes shut, the sensation of your pussy gripping him so perfectly sending him reeling. "Sorry," he repeated as the both of you struggled for air, "I didn't mean, I - fuck -" his hips began to move just a little bit and he whimpered when your fingers drifted up to get tangled in his hair.
"It's okay, keep going," you encouraged him, taking a deep breath and forcing your muscles to relax.
"Don't wanna hurt you but, fuck baby, I want you so goddamn bad."
"I know, it's okay, it doesn't hurt," you told him truthfully. His mouth was open, pressed against your chest with his exhale fanning across your skin, making you shiver. You wrapped your legs around his waist and tilted your hips with a gasp. "God, you're so deep," you moaned, nails scraping his scalp when he began to move a little more steadily.
"I know, baby, I know," he murmured, voice sounding strained. It was all too much and, somehow, not enough. You clung to him when his hips began to snap against you, jostling your entire body with each earth-shattering thrust. His groans and your whimpers getting lost in each others mouths. Tears stung your eyes when he whispered, "Think 'bout you all the time. Never stop thinkin' 'bout you." And he growled when you admitted the same.
Your shitty little bed frame screamed underneath you the more desperate Joel became, no doubt grabbing the attention of Mrs. Adams across the hall. His hands never stopped moving. They cupped your breast, the back of your neck, your ass, and then his fingers hooked under your knee, pulling your leg to open up your hips.
Your eyes flew open and you cried out at the intense angle, his cock splitting you in two but his kiss put you right back together again. One of his hands fell to grab your hip, his other arm bracing himself next to your head and it felt utterly overwhelming, being completely consumed by him, that you wanted to do the same. You tugged at his hair, nipped at his throat, wrapped your other leg even tighter around his middle.
If he was going to destroy you, you wanted to give it right back.
He appeared to enjoy it. He groaned and his lips curled into a smile when you tried to take a piece of him. It made him slam his hips into your harder, had him plunging his tongue into your mouth with an urgency that sent your back arching off the bed, pressing your bare chest against his.
"You like that?" he mumbled into your mouth, lips barely leaving yours to speak. "You like when I fuck you like this?"
"So - good -" you moaned, each word bookended by a snap of his hips.
"You like gettin' me all worked up? Like drivin' me fuckin' crazy?"
"Yeah, actually, I do," you breathed, smirking at the sound of his words passing through gritted teeth. His chin dropped and his teeth grazed your nipple a little harsher than you expected and you yelped, which melted into a giggle when you felt him smile against your skin.
You pulled your lower lip between your teeth and, with your lips still curved into a smile, reached down to grab his ass, giving it a firm squeeze while making sure to add a little pinch from your nails. It made him grunt, his hips changing their pace. What was rough, strong thrusts of his hips now faltered to deep strokes which he made sure to drive upwards so he could reach that spot inside you he knew would have you screaming his name.
"Oh, fuck!" you cried out, and he chuckled darkly against your throat. "Fuck! Joel... keep - going," you gasped. Your hands were back to clawing at his shoulders while he drove into you over and over. His forehead prickled with sweat and he could feel his curls beginning to stick to his skin but he refused to let up because you were so close. Your slick walls were clenching around him, making him see stars, while you repeatedly whined his name. He smirked to himself, pleased he got exactly what he wanted. Your voice was already hoarse and he could only imagine what it would sound like in the morning, all raw and thick with sleep.
"You gonna come f'me, baby?" he asked, voice deep and gravelly in your ear. You nodded, mouth still hung open in a silent scream. "Then do it. C'mon, wanna feel you," he coaxed. "Wanna feel your tight little pussy milk this cock. Go on, lemme have it."
The ball of tension growing hotter and brighter at the base of your spine finally broke. Your back arched up again and your head flew back into the pillows as your orgasm rolled through your entire body, his name reduced to just a mere whimper on your lips, unable to give anything else. Your muscles weakened and you collapsed back into the bedding, your brain in a fog. Meanwhile, Joel reared back and dragged your hips onto his lap, pounding steadily into your used cunt, all frantic and delirious in his movements until he slammed into you one final time with a deep, prolonged groan.
Your eyes slid closed, but his mouth was back on yours in an instant. Soft, tender kisses pressed shakily against your lips, silence filling the room except for the quiet sound of your combined heavy breathing and your bed springs occasionally squealing when Joel shifted his weight.
"You good?" he murmured, pressing his forehead against yours with a deep breath. You nodded then winced when he withdrew his softening cock from between your legs. He propped himself up on his elbows and gazed down at you, searching your face very seriously for a moment. You opened your mouth to ask but the words died in your throat. Instead, you let him study you. Your eyes landed on the little wrinkles developing next to his eyes, the cute pout he made when he was deep in thought, the way his hair stood like a halo after your fingers pulled and tugged, rearranging the product that was combed through.
He kept looking at you, something happening behind his eyes, something meaningful. But just when you thought you were on the cusp of something, he blinked and cleared his throat, pushing himself upright.
"Lemme go clean up real quick," he said, glancing out into the hallway.
"Okay," you said quietly, watching as he sauntered naked through your room and disappeared into the bathroom. You could hear the sink running, then a minute later, the toilet flushing, and you suddenly felt cold. You reached for your blankets and slid underneath, and right when your mind was about to get carried away with self-doubt and too many questions, the door flung open and he stepped out with a determined look.
"I almost married Sarah's mom."
You sat up in bed, clutching the sheets to your chest with wide eyes. He was standing in your doorway, still naked except the condom was gone. His fingers fidgeted nervously at his sides and the romantic side of you found it poetic that he was fully naked and about to reveal something so personal, but you couldn't focus much on that.
"Why didn't you?"
Joel blinked.
"I thought I loved her, but I think it was just 'cause she was havin' my baby," he began. "I was thirty, just startin' to make a name for myself, made a huge fuckin' mistake and, I dunno, felt like I had to do the right thing."
"Thirty," you repeated, and he nodded. "Didn't you say that was when you built The Parador?"
He nodded again and finally moved from his spot in the doorway to join you on the bed.
"I was naive. I met her at this networkin' event with a bunch of other guys in the hospitality industry. She was just at the bar, all alone, wasn't even part of the event or a worker or nothin'. Shoulda been my first clue, but I was young and stupid."
"What do you mean?"
He pulled the blankets over his waist and leaned up against your headboard.
"I didn't know it, but she was goin' fishin' that night."
You tilted your head to the side, confusion written all over your face.
"She was lookin' to sink her claws into someone with money. She knew everyone at that event was somebody, so she cast her line and reeled one in."
Slowly, you began to connect the dots.
"She... she was using you for your money?"
Joel swallowed and nodded, his eyes darting around your face nervously.
"Did - you said the pregnancy was a mistake-"
"I don't know if she planned it, but it sure as hell felt that way after I found everythin' out. She was expectin' me to propose, thought she'd be set for life if she had my kid. Heard her on the phone one night with a friend who was doin' the same thing to someone else. Same night I came home early to surprise her after we found out we were havin' a girl."
"Oh, my god," you whispered in disbelief.
"It was wrong, I know it, but I was so fuckin' hurt," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I kicked her out. I know it wasn't Sarah's fault and I tried, I really fuckin' tried, but every time I saw her-" he pressed his lips into a thin line and dropped his gaze to the sheets. "Just reminded me of everythin', and I couldn't handle it."
"So... you don't have a relationship with her? Or with Sarah?" you asked. He shook his head but he kept his eyes shamefully fixed on his hands.
Suddenly, everything made sense. Joel's concern with Glenn and his emphasis on family, Tammy's vague insinuation on the yacht, Joel's inability to trust you, his resistance to opening up. It was all because he was afraid of being used again.
The fact he had never been in love sounded more like he had never allowed himself to fall in love.
But he was trusting you now. Something that was clearly very difficult for him to do while he sat in fear of judgement.
You scooted forward on the bed and tucked yourself into his side. You wrapped your arms around his middle and rested your chin on his chest, curling yourself around him, trying to make him feel safe. His heart fluttered anxiously under his skin, you could feel it, but he slowly picked up his own arms and coiled them around you protectively.
"I'm sorry, Joel."
"What- what're you sorry for?"
"For everything you went through. I'm sorry she broke your heart. I'm sorry you suffered for so long with this burden. I'm sorry you felt like you couldn't tell me before, but I promise you, I'm not judging you."
"I know," he replied, kissing the top of your head. You took another deep breath before speaking again.
"And I'm not after you for your money. I can understand now why you -"
"Sweetheart, I know," he said, cutting you off.
You frowned and looked up at him. "You do?"
He grinned and nudged his nose gently against yours.
"Yeah. Probably the only goddamn sugar baby in the world who didn't want money, so... yeah. I know."
You giggled and pulled away from his grip so you could look him in the eye.
"I mean, it's kind of ironic... you seeking out a woman to pay to be with you? Why would you-"
"'Cause I woulda rather had all our cards on the table and know up front it was just a business deal," he explained. "Didn't need someone sneakin' 'round behind my back tryin' to take advantage of me. Rather know from jump."
You felt your chest tighten a little at that, and you couldn't stop yourself from leaning forward, giving him a soft kiss on the corner of his mouth. He pulled you over to straddle his lap and wrapped his arms around your waist, gazing up at you with stars in his eyes.
"But you wanted everythin' else except my money," he murmured. You shifted your eyes to the left and began to play with a curl above his ear, suddenly growing shy under his scrutiny. But he kept going.
"Always had a feelin', but didn't wanna believe it. Couldn't believe it, I suppose," he added, watching your eyes carefully as you continued to focus on his hair. "You never cared 'bout doin' anythin' extravagant on the island. Wanted to spend time with me at the beach, wanted to get food from a stand at the corner with our goddamn faces painted," he chuckled. You grinned and felt your cheeks grow hot.
"Then you left those envelopes," he said, and your eyes finally found his again. He let a heavy moment pass between you as you stared down at him. "Never even opened 'em. Gave you that first one the first night we were there. And you didn't open it."
You shook your head and a slow smile stretched across his face.
"Then with the hell you gave me and the bank 'bout the payment after we got back," he groaned, tilting his face to the ceiling like he was in agony.
"Fifty thousand was too fucking much!" you practically shouted, but he just laughed and pulled you closer.
"You actually fuckin' like me," he said in wonder. "Why would someone like you want anythin' to do with someone like me?"
You threw your head back and laughed, immediately recognizing your own words being parroted back to you.
"Because," you replied once your laughter waned, "you're a good man, despite what you may think. You care and you're sweet and you make me feel safe. You make me feel good about myself. You pay attention to things that mean something to me. You - I -" you cut yourself off with a quick shake of your head. "Yeah... I actually fucking like you," you finished with a slow smile.
He grinned and cupped the back of your neck, but before pulling you down for a kiss, he whispered, "How'd I get so lucky?"
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The next morning, you awoke to an empty bed. If it weren't for the incessant ache between your legs and the soreness of your throat, you would have wondered if it was all a dream. You reached for the other side of the bed and felt the sheets cool under your fingertips.
It was Saturday. You didn't think he would have worked that day, but then again, it was Joel, so maybe he did. But would he really leave without saying goodbye? After you were so raw and vulnerable with each other the night before?
That was when you heard it. Faint humming and music turned on low coming from your kitchen.
Oh, now this you had to see.
When you rolled out of bed, you almost reached for your pajamas, but then you spotted his shirt neatly draped over your desk chair and you couldn't resist. You picked it up and slid your arms through, rumpling the fabric underneath your chin and taking a deep breath. It still smelled just like him. A mixture of deodorant, soap, cologne and hair products. A unique scent that was quickly becoming a favorite of yours.
You stepped out of your bedroom and peered into your kitchen, a smile pulling at your lips when you saw him pouring coffee for you both, wearing only his boxers with the sweet sounds of 80s ballads filling the air. You crossed your arms and leaned against the wall, gaze slowly gliding over the strong, broad muscles of his back until he turned around and froze.
"Was gonna make you somethin' to eat and then I remembered... I don't know how to cook."
You burst out laughing and Joel grinned when he handed you your coffee.
"But you figured out the coffee machine," you said, taking a tentative sip and giving him an impressed look.
"That thing's a piece of shit, I'm buyin' you a new one," he scolded.
You dropped your jaw and frowned.
"No, you will not. It's not in its prime, sure, but it makes the best coffee."
Joel chuckled and wrapped the hand not holding his coffee around your ribs. Taking a step forward and dropping his chin had him towering over you seductively.
"Y'look real good in my clothes," he murmured, lips brushing against your forehead with a low hum.
"Couldn't help myself," you admitted softly, "smells just like you."
He pulled back a bit to give you half a smile. "You like smellin' like me?"
"Mhmm," you said under your breath, then nuzzled your nose into his bare chest and took a deep breath. "But now you smell like me."
Joel groaned and dipped his head lower, slotting his lips hungrily against yours. When his tongue slipped past your lips, you giggled and pulled away.
"I need some coffee first," you teased. He just smirked while his fingertips rubbed his bottom lip, like he were chasing the ghost of your kiss. His soft brown eyes were glimmering, so happy and content in your little living room slash kitchen. His cheeks were slightly pink and you weren't sure you'd ever seen him smile so much before.
While you sipped your coffee, you began to crack some eggs in a frying pan while simultaneously tossing some bread in the toaster. Meanwhile, Joel was nosing curiously around your apartment, inspecting little trinkets that he didn't have the chance to look at the night before.
"Snowglobe from Disney?" Joel asked, holding it up from across the room. You looked over your shoulder with a grin.
"My aunt and uncle are obsessed with Disney. They get me Disney themed shit every year for Christmas."
Joel hummed and placed it down gently on the windowsill before spotting a vase filled with sand and seashells. He smiled as he approached, too worried he would break it to pick it up when he asked, "When'd you steal sand?"
He heard you laugh and he turned back around.
"The day we were at the beach together. I had a ziploc for my sunscreen so, you know," you said with a shrug while you flipped the eggs. Joel gave the vase one more look, smiling to himself when he saw the new pink seashells scattered throughout.
"Where are you gonna hang the painting?" he asked when he saw it leaning up against the wall next to your television.
"I don't know yet. Maybe next to the door. Or maybe behind the couch," you answered, focusing on buttering the toast and turning off the gas before the eggs burned. You jumped when you suddenly felt his hands sliding around your waist.
"Supposed to go above the bed," he reminded you. Tilting your head to look at him over your shoulder, you grinned.
"You remember everything, don't you?"
"Sure do," he replied, giving your ass a playful smack before picking up both plates of food. "Where do you wanna eat?"
You both sunk into your old couch and balanced your plates on your knees, shoveling in forkfuls of food in between explaining the story behind every little thing that caught his eye.
Then he spotted your picture frames again. He leaned forward to put his empty plate on your coffee table and stood, his hulking, mostly-still-naked frame captivating you for a moment as he picked up a photo to study it.
"Your folks?" he asked, tilting the frame towards you. You squinted and nodded from the couch. "Any siblings?"
The question came out soft as he angled it back towards him.
"Nope. Just me. I've always wanted a sister but Celine was a pretty good substitute," you smiled as he picked up a photo of you and Celine on New Years Eve.
"'S'nice," he murmured thoughtfully, taking one last look at the photo before putting it back. He pretended to study a photo of you and your grandparents from your graduation when he added, "Probably best you got to pick. My brother's been a pain in the ass since I was old enough to ride a bike."
You perked up at the mention of his brother, folding your legs underneath you and setting your plate down next to his.
"Yeah?"
"Mhmm," he hummed, still staring down at the picture. "Always usin' my shit and breakin' it. Buttin' in with me 'n my friends to do somethin' stupid. Got me in trouble more times than I can count with our Mama," he mused. He finally set the picture down and turned to look at you. "Then he got older. The fuck ups got more serious. Bailin' him outta jail every other weekend. Got a DUI one summer and had me haulin' his ass all over town."
Your eyebrows raised in surprise but you remained silent, just nodding your head and giving him your full attention, too afraid to spook him with any questions just yet.
"Then we grew up. I moved out here, six months later he follows, 'course," he said, sounded exasperated when he plopped down on the couch next to you. "Got a job at a hotel, 'fore you know it he's beggin' me for a job. Got 'em one workin' as a dishwasher in the restaurant inside the hotel but he fucked that up before I could blink an eye."
Before he even finished the story, you could sense where it was going.
"Finally, he finds his own way. Gets in with a construction company. And he did pretty good, too. I had my thing goin' on at the hotel. Learnin' from the manager 'n all that. By the time I was ready to renovate my first hotel, Tommy'd ended up owning his own company. It was small, but, hell... it was the best he ever got."
You chewed your lower lip anxiously, watching as his eyes slid over to your dusty television, staring at it blankly before he continued.
"So, I hired him. Hired his company to renovate part of the hotel. He even cut me a deal. Thought for once he'd finally pulled his head outta his ass and made somethin' of himself."
Joel fell silent for a few minutes, lost in thought while his fingers fidgeted nervously in his lap.
"Then what happened?" you whispered, worried if you had spoken any louder, it would have snapped him out of it and he would clam back up.
"Then... his company went under. He wasn't doin' shit by the book. Got caught payin' guys under the table and fuckin' up his taxes. And he had to start over."
You connected the dots even before he said, "He came to me lookin' for a loan. Lookin' to fix all his goddamn mistakes, like nothin' ever changed. And... I said no."
"And he never forgave you," you guessed. His eyes found yours and he nodded.
"Yeah. Never forgave me. Said I was turnin' my back on blood. Said he woulda done the same for me. But I just had fuckin' enough. I worked hard to get what I had. So, I refused and he had to move back to Texas. Last I heard he got a loan from our Pop and started a business down there."
You sat in silence for a moment, letting his story sink in with the only noise coming from horns blaring on the street below and your next door neighbor shouting at her husband to wake up for work.
"So... that's the brother story, huh?" you finally said, the corner of your mouth lifting when he met your eye and nodded. You shrugged and scooted closer to him on the couch. "That's not so bad. I understand why you did what you did."
"Had the whole situation goin' on with Sarah's mom at the time, too, but 'course he had no idea. Felt like he never asked me much 'bout my life unless he needed somethin'," he said solemnly.
You snuggled in close and lifted his arm to drape over your shoulders.
"It's never too late, you know," you told him softly. His thumb began to trace invisible circles over your shoulder.
"For what?"
"To make peace. With both of them," you replied. "If you wanted to, anyway. And if you ask me, it sounds like you want to."
"Oh, yeah? And how d'you know that?" Joel teased, pinching your arm and making you giggle.
"Because," you said, tilting your chin to look at him. "If you didn't want to, you wouldn't care so much. You wouldn't have kept all this a secret and you wouldn't think you're a bad person. But what do I know?" you said with a sigh before resting your head against his chest. "I'm just the sugar baby."
Joel's loud laugh echoed throughout your tiny apartment. You grinned when he grabbed your waist and pulled you onto his lap to face him, dark eyes sparkling as he gazed up at you.
"You ain't a sugar baby, and you know it."
"Then what am I?"
He cupped the back of your neck and brought your lips down to meet his in a gentle kiss.
"You're the woman I'm fallin' in love with," he whispered, voice trembling a little. You locked eyes, the surprise and excitement coursing through your veins causing you to smile so wide that it hurt.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah," he replied with a smile of his own. "Real goddamn inconvenient," he added, making you giggle and press another kiss against his mouth.
"Told you," you said breathlessly. "But we can take things slow, seeing as you're a newbie and all." Joel scoffed and tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear.
The dam had finally broke. All the secrets and lies were revealed. For better or worse, you both put your hearts in each others hands and trusted that the other would keep it safe.
As if reading your mind, Joel's hand dropped to your chest. He flattened his palm over your rapidly beating heart while you played with the curls on the nape of his neck.
"This is real," he stated softly, voice a little thicker than before. He had a look on his face like he couldn't believe it, and you smiled.
"Yeah, it's real."
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p0ckykiss · 3 months ago
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prank gone wrong - nishimura riki
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summary -> ni-ki's silly april fool's prank sends you to the hospital
-> established relationship
the prank had gone too far.
in retrospect, niki should probably have checked everything before messing around with the food.
as a result, you had to be taken to the hospital due to food poisoning and niki feels horrible now. it turns out that some of the ingredients niki used were past their due date for months and, although they smelled just fine, they were not supposed to be eaten at all.
and you, being you, didn’t check and just wolfed down what was given to you. niki’s plan for his april fool’s prank was just mixing up something that tasted bad but looked like it was good. he didn’t try it though and you ate the whole thing, saying it was not bad at all, have you been practicing? with a smile on your lips.
the result was disastrous. your friend had taken you to the hospital himself - and has just now asked niki to stay and keep you company.
as it seems, you had fallen asleep due to the nausea medicine you were given, and the doctor said you could leave as soon as you wake up since you’re all good now but it’s taking longer than expected.
“i’ll just get a taxi to the company,” he says to niki and gives him the car keys. “you drive back safely and let me know when you make it there.”
he only nods and hope the face he’s making is a thankful one because he had panicked when you suddenly stood up from the couch and ran to the bathroom ten minutes after eating the “food” he made and your friend had to step in and take the reins.
“thanks,” niki finally mumbles something but he is already gone.
niki is sitting down on a bench that’s not so far from the room you are sleeping in right now. he would’ve gone in, but he sent your friend instead. it was a shared room and only one visitor per patient was allowed, niki didn’t want to face you yet.
now he’s the one in charge and, although he wants to stall their reunion, niki stands up and takes slow steps until he’s standing in front of the door.
the nurses are taking care of the patient on the end of the room and you are still sound asleep, chest heaving up and down calmly and niki sighs in relief.
no one pays him attention and he shyly sits down on the stool placed right by your bed.
niki stares at the hand sliding down the mattress and is about to reach out when you pull it back under the bedsheets.
niki looks up to glance at your peaceful sleeping face but is met with a glare.
“were you trying to kill me?” you ask, eyes still trained on niki’s face.
“why would I try to kill you?” he stutters back at you, nervously rubbing his hands together. “i’d never do that.”
you huff.
“you were eagerly offering me what you made,” you explain and niki sighs at least twice before covering his face with both hands. “i thought you were trying to get rid of me.”
“it was supposed to be a harmless prank,” niki whispers and doesn’t dare look you in the eye. “i didn’t know the food was not good anymore and it was not aimed at you. my plan was giving it to the first person who showed up in the kitchen, it just happened to be you.”
“so it was not a targeted attack on me?” you whisper and niki looks up when he hears soft laughter. “i won’t hold it against you then.”
“i’m really sorry,” niki pouts and jumps up when he sees you are sitting up. he tries to help you up and gets his hands slapped away.
you glare at him.
“it was just food poisoning”
you leave the bed and fold the bedsheets, niki watches in silence. “it’s not like you ran over me with a car. i can walk and do things by myself just fine. i’m fine now but you’re lucky i’m not too mad right now.”
oh god, if you were bedridden because of that, niki would not hear the end of it.
in amidst his thinking, you leave niki for a second to ask something to a nurse who’s in the room and come back quickly.
“she said we can leave and that I’m dismissed,” you say solemnly, gathering your belongings that were on the small table by the bed and urging niki out of the room. “i just need to hand this clipboard at the front desk before we exit the hospital.”
you wave said clipboard in front of niki’s eyes and takes large steps out of the room and towards the front desk. you were on the ground floor, so everything was done fast, with niki only watching as you do all the talking with the staff.
“how are we going back to the apartment?” you ask as soon as you both are out of the hospital. the wind that hits your faces is cold and niki is reminded that although winter has ended, the chilly weather still remains and he shivers, buttoning his overcoat up. he turns to look at you and feels terrible because you only have a thin sweater on since you left the dorms in a rush, there was no time or space to think about grabbing a jacket for you.
without thinking, niki unbuttons his overcoat and hands it to you and earns himself a funny look from you.
“what are you doing?” you ask, brow raised, and lips pressed together in a straight line.
“trying to be a nice boyfriend after almost killing you,” niki mutters, shoving the overcoat in your hands. “your friend left us with the car but it’s parked a little far,” he starts walking in the direction he remembers it is.
they walk in silence and niki smiles to himself when he sees you have decided to wear his warm overcoat, the sky blue one he loves the most.
the car is parked five blocks from where they were and niki is rubbing his hands against his arms when they finally reach it, teeth clattering and shivering with his whole body.
“you’re an idiot,” you say before entering the vehicle, claiming the passenger’s seat.
“i’m an idiot,” niki confirms once he’s inside the car as well, sighing in relief at the lack of the cold wind but still trying to warm himself up. “are you hungry?”
you hum and put a hand under your chin.
“are you going to cook for me again? because if so, then i don’t think i’m hungry,” you say and laugh at your own words.
niki is sure his ears are red now, he feels them burning hot, but he can’t blame you for joking like that. “but if you’re going to buy something on our way to the apartment and if you’re paying, then I am hungry.”
niki sighs for the nth time and you stifle a laugh.
“are you paying or not?” you say, reaching out to hold niki’s hand that’s frozen on the steering wheel. “do you need me to drive or something?”
“you don’t even have a driver’s license,” niki replies alarmed and turns to give you a look.
“that was a trick question to make sure you’re here with me and not somewhere in your own head,” you tell niki and squeeze his hand with a smile on your lips. the smile comforts niki who was still tense, thinking about the whole incident with regret. “i hope you’re not feeling too bad about what happened.”
“i am feeling bad but,” niki laughs and finally starts the car, turning the heating on maximum and already thinking of where he can stop by for food. “i’m also feeling scared and a little threatened. please don’t get back at me for attempting to prank you.”
you burst out laughing and niki turns to look at you, a shiver runs down his spine. you have a mischievous glint in your eyes, something is brewing in that ingenious brain of yours and all niki knows is that he’s screwed.
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prongsx · 4 months ago
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Lazy Sundays
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warning: fluff, f!reader, Jason being a cute guy. English its not my first language. established relationship.
Jason had always been an alert person. It was tiring, but he couldn't help it. Life forced him to never rest.
It started when he was still young, he had to be alert so he wouldn't die in the alley of crime, if he made a false move he could end up in a web of crimes and murders. He had to be alert to keep his own mother from self-destruction, had to be constantly checking her breathing, if she had eaten, if she hadn't used her subsistence money for drugs. He learned that being a heavy sleeper was dangerous when his house was shot at and he had to hide under the table, eyes full of tears.
Then Bruce adopted him, but he had already lost part of his ability to be a child, never carefree. And now he had the burden of showing Bruce that he was good enough, that he wasn't wasting his time training a boy with too many emotions. Always alert. He had too many emotions, he knew that. His love was wide and deep, but so was his anger. His sadness was like sharp claws scratching his skin from the inside out. He needed to stay alert to keep his emotions in check, because they could consume him.
Being Robin kept him alert, he needed to take care of himself and Batman's back. Even Dick, who had years of training, found Jason too vigilant, his eyes never seemed genuinely relaxed and Dick found out the hard way. He went to play a prank on Jason, waking him up in the middle of the night, but the boy reacted in the worst way and before Dick could react, there was a knife pressed against his neck.
When Jason died and came back with Red Hood, his sense of survival became stronger. There were too many people wanting to kill him, the anti-hero had twice as many enemies, sleeping in peace was not an option. He had so many knives and hidden weapons that he would get scared when he went to brush his teeth and found an AK 47 in the bathroom cabinet. He needed to be like that to survive.
Then he met you. And his knees got weak, his heart raced faster than when he had a gun pointed straight at the vigilante's heart. After much difficulty, you started dating, even though Jason warned you that dating him was a death sentence.
You didn't listen to his warnings, forcing him to stop self-deprecating and start acting like a functional adult (as much as possible) to be in a relationship. Jason was right, he was too busy with his double life. He almost never relaxed, worried about taking care of you and protecting you from his enemies.
After a few fights, you decided that for the relationship to work, you would have at least one day a week to be lazy. You started it: Sunday morning. You needed to know that at least one day a week you would have Jason completely. It was hard to live with the distance his night shift required. So he committed to keeping up this new tradition.
"I'm hungry," Jason just mumbled in response to your plea. It was 10 am on a Sunday morning and neither of you were willing to get up, just like you forced them to. Your legs were intertwined, a thin sheet covering you, Jason's hands holding you tightly against him, his soft lips against your shoulder. The sun was coming in through the curtains, Gotham seemed silent, the only noise that mattered to you was each other's breathing.
"The bakery should be delivering by now," Jason replied, sighing contentedly as you drew patterns on his arm. One of the rules of Sunday morning was to make no effort, even cooking. You knew Jason liked to cook and take care of you, but at least one day a week you allowed yourself the luxury of eating ready-made food.
"It should be at the door by now," you mumble, finally opening your eyes and finding your boyfriend's beautiful face. Jason imitated your action, his sapphire eyes seemed clouded with sleep, which pleased you. Yesterday you had gone out to dinner and stayed up late watching movies and kissing on the couch, which explained how tired they both were.
"Let's get it then," Jason's voice was still hoarse, his black hair cutely messy. He let out a groan of complaint when you pulled away from him to get up, causing you to laugh.
As soon as you established lazy Sunday, it was as if a switch had turned in Jason's head. It was impressive to admire how beautiful Jason looked relaxed, his shoulders without all that tension, his features less marked and even his scars relaxed.
Peace would suit Jason, you thought.
The two of you shuffled into the kitchen, talking in whispers, your hands never leaving each other. Jason walked close behind you, his large hands holding your hips close to his body.
Your boyfriend had a silly smile on his lips, the joy of being with you leaving him on cloud nine. He noticed how beautiful you looked in your sweat shorts and with his shirt, you smelled of comfort and love.
"So, our only commitment is to have coffee and kisses at the counter, right?" Jason hummed, a huge smile on his lips, the sun seemed brighter. Then clouds appeared in the glorious sky of the lazy Sunday.
The clouds came in the shapes of three known people invading your window, the largest of them smiling happily. You thought Jason was really sleepy and relaxed, because he didn't even raise a gun towards the intruders, which was customary.
"Good morning, couple." Dick Grayson greeted, closing the window when Damian entered last. You raised an eyebrow, while Jason gave a slight growl behind you. Your hands came up to lightly stroke his hair, urging him to stay calm, he relaxed into your touch, your lazy Sunday Jason returning.
"Okay, Todd, we got some information from that case we were working on." Damian said, being the rude little punk that he is, throwing work papers on their kitchen table. Tim Drake followed suit, leaning against their counter, where Jason planned to kiss you until you forgot your name.
"Boys," you called out to them, clearing your throat. Three pairs of eyes stared at you. "Today is Sunday."
You sighed when none of them reacted. Damn workaholic sons of Bruce Wayne. Your feet shuffled to the kitchen door to get breakfast, leaving Jason to take care of his brothers.
"Jason, we need those other documents you saved." Dick said, sitting down next to Damian. Jason let out a long sigh, he still felt numb from being in bed with you. He wouldn't let his brothers ruin his favorite day of the week.
"Can we fix this tomorrow?" The three brothers stared at Jason, their eyes equally wide. The fearsome red hood's posture was so relaxed, his pajama top slightly torn and loose. His hips leaned on the counter and his blue eyes seemed clearer, almost serene. His hair really looked like a mess, the white lock falling over his forehead in a cute sort of way.
"Jason, did you hear us? It's the case you've been working on for months." Tim said, still looking perplexed. Jason sighed, his features still marked by prolonged sleep.
"Yeah, yeah. So?" He grumbled, a smile appearing on his lips when you came back with the breakfast bag. Handing him a cup and pouring coffee. He whispered a quick, "Thank you, honey."
Damian was the first to recover from the shock, his hands holding a particularly suspicious photo that would solve half of Jason's case.
"Todd, big drug case! You spent months bugging everyone for clues."
Jason just shrugged, sipping his coffee and resting his face on your shoulder, humming with joy.
"One day more, one day less."You could have laughed at how Dick looked like he had been slapped in the face. Your heart was bursting with pride for your boyfriend, who had finally learned the meaning of being at peace and lazy.
"Who are you and what have you done with little wing?" Dick said, blinking those big blue eyes slowly.
You turned your back on the little argument again, not wanting to interfere in the family dynamics, busying yourself with taking your breakfast out of the bag from your favorite bakery.
"Take those papers off the table, let's have breakfast." Jason replied with just that, making Tim's eyes pop out. He looked like a different Jason, without his characteristic sarcastic smile or the tense shoulders.
"Todd, we need to figure this out!"
"Jason, it won't take long..."
Jason let out a louder sigh now, leaving the Wonder Woman mug in the corner and turning to his brothers, his tone of voice still soft compared to normal. "Today is Sunday." He repeated, pinching his nose slightly to keep his temper from rising. "I'm staying with my girlfriend. I'll figure this out with you guys tomorrow."
He turned to you, almost as if he expected to receive a proud smile, and he got one. Damian let out a snort.
"Todd, be a man for once in your life and stand up for yourself."
"He's too tangled up in the leash." Tim joined in the provocation, unable to contain himself.
"Wrong choice of words, boys," you whispered, knowing what was coming next.
The three of them were startled when Jason's hand slammed on the table they were at.
"I'm only going to say this once. It's Sunday morning. If you little shits are unhappy and girlfriendless, that's your problem. Either you're going to leave now with these papers or I'm going to use the gun I have hidden behind the fridge."
Jason's blue eyes were that darker shade that screamed: danger! It didn't take much more, the three guards took the papers and left muttering, you heard a few words that sounded like "this will come back, Todd" and "I'll tell him where he can stick that gun."
You turned to Jason, your hands going to his tense shoulders.
"Honey, it's okay, I'll accept if you want to help them."
He let out a snort, pulling you against his chest, smoothing the skin under your shirt.
"No. It's our lazy Sunday."You smiled, ridiculously content, pulling him into a lazy kiss.
"Speaking of which, gun behind the fridge?"
He distracted you with a kiss at the base of your neck, a small chuckle leaving his lips. Bastard.
It was a good lazy Sunday.
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luveline · 1 year ago
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hot bombshell bau!reader flirting and winking at spencer every chance she gets and poor spencer just gets hot and bothered very flustered and blushing😋😋
i love you jade i read ur blog like it's the daily newspaper<33
I love you anon, thank you for requesting ♡ fem!reader
"So," says a voice, low and syrupy as warmth spreads up Spencer's side, "how's my favourite agent?" 
Your perfume a subtle fragrance of jasmine and vanilla alike, sweetness that lingers —and Spencer knows, having thought of you every time he walks past the sugar ring donut stand by the Staples Mill Station for weeks— you put a hand on his shoulder and lean in for a one-armed hug. His skin erupts with goosebumps. 
"Y/N," he says, sounding much too much like a wimp for his own liking. He clears his throat. "When did you get back?" 
He's afraid to look at you. He doesn't have a choice. His heart skips a beat at the state of you, which is to say you look stunning in your dark clothes, a tight cut top that borders unprofessional and a pair of thigh hugging pants that pass the border completely. (He's kidding. Mostly. You're dressed fine. He's a loser, is all.) 
"This morning. They couldn't keep me from you if they tried, handsome. You look good." You disengage from his side. Spencer's relieved and regretful at once. "I love the haircut, they take a little more than you were expecting?" 
"Is it too short?" he asks unsurely. 
"It's perfect."
Spencer's taller than you but he never feels it until you're looking up at him, pretty eyes and quirked lips, permanent amusement in your gaze. "I missed you," you say.
"Y/N," Hotch says as he descends the steps to the bullpen. "We talked about this." 
"Pen and Morgan do it every day." Your eyebrows pinch together. 
Hotch doesn't say anything else, an empty coffee mug in hand as he passes. You don't baulk at his disapproving look, the opposite, sitting on the edge of Morgan's desk to kick your kitten heels gently, a slow back and forth that has Spencer's eyeline pulling down your legs. He shakes it off, but not before you've noticed. 
"You don't mind, do you, babe?" you ask. "My flirting?" 
It'll probably kill him sooner rather than later. "No. Don't mind." 
"'Cus I can stop, I promise. But you're the kind of boy that should be flirted with, you know? And the kind of smart that makes you crazy attractive, which is unfair. It's not like you needed help in that particular department." You lean back as you talk, scrounging around Morgan's things.
"Second shelf," Spencer says. 
You stop your searching to grin at him. Pleased, you reach down to the second drawer of Morgan's desk and find what you'd been looking for, a coveted, half-eaten pack of cherry twizzlers. 
"But we're not like Pen and Morgan," you say, bringing a twizzler to your mouth. 
"We're not?" Spencer asks, confused. He may not summon the necessary charisma to flirt back, but he likes what you have. 
"Nope." You take another bite, chew, leaving Spencer in anticipation. Finally, you swallow, lips curving into an even stickier smile. "'Cus Pen and Morgan are never gonna happen. They're better as friends…" 
You slip down off of Morgan's desk, leaving his twizzlers behind. Spencer has enough sense about him to anticipate your approach. He's proud of himself for the composure he maintains as your footsteps slow. He even takes a step back to follow you, to your abject delight. 
"But we're not just friends, are we?" you ask softly. You lift your chin. He can smell the cherry on you. 
"Y/N, enough," Hotch says from somewhere behind. You refuse to look away, and while Spencer fears his chief's tone, he manages to hold your gaze. "HR will mandate another presentation." 
"It's alright, Hotch," Spencer says. His cheeks are flushed and his palms are clammy, but his voice holds up. "I don't mind." 
"I'm sure you don't." 
"This could all be avoided if we took this somewhere a little more private," you murmur. 
"Enough. I won't tell you again, Y/N. Shouldn't you be helping Penelope with her ViCAP recalibration?" Hotch asks pointedly. 
Spencer takes it for what it is; an effort to separate you from each other before it goes too far. You know it too, rolling your eyes at Spencer like you've a shared secret —Can you believe this guy?— clasping his arm loosely in farewell.
"See you later, Spence." You call him handsome, babe, bub, even sweetheart, but Spence is the worst of all of them because of how you say it, your voice entrenched in pure honey. His heart pangs as you go.  
Hotch lingers by Spencer's side, coffee freshly filled and steaming in rings. "You know, you're getting better," he says sympathetically. 
Spencer rubs the bridge of his nose roughly. "Thanks." 
5K notes · View notes
luci-in-trenchcoats · 11 months ago
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The Husband Effect
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Summary: The reader is struck with a love curse that leaves her feeling more than a bit attached to Dean...
Pairing: Dean x reader (eventual)
Word Count: 2,200ish
Warnings: language, angst, love curse, fluff
A/N: Y’all don’t even want to know how old this fic is. Pretty sure it was written during S13. Figured it was time for it to see the light of day!
__________
“Y/N. Y/N. Giggling woman,” you heard Dean say, clapping his hands together. “Hey! Focus.”
“She’s cursed Dean,” said Sam with a smile. “It was some harmless witchcraft. It’ll wear off soon I’m sure.”
“Is she currently trying to climb into your lap? No?” said Dean, pointing at where he was continually shoving you back from him. “Y/N, stop it.”
“I wanna sit with you,” you whined, throwing your arms over his shoulder, nuzzling your cheek against his.
��This is weird,” said Dean, trying to scoot away, Sam biting back back a laugh. “A little help, Sammy!”
“So she’s a little extra clingy. We’ll put her to bed, she’ll sleep it off and in the morning she can be completely embarrassed about this whole thing,” said Sam.
“Why would I be embarrassed about my Deanie?” you asked, squeezing him harder, Dean rising to his feet.
“Come on, Y/N. Off to bed with you. Now.”
“Good morning,” said Sam to you with a teasing smile. “Sleep well?”
“Like a baby,” you said, giving Dean a big hug when he came in the kitchen. “Good morning!”
“Oh no,” said both boys, grimacing as you smushed yourself into Dean’s chest.
“Get the jaws of life for this one,” said Dean, trying to squirm away while you clung tighter. “Y/N, please let go of me so I can eat breakfast.”
“I’m sorry,” you said releasing him, moving your hand down his arm to hold his hand. “That was silly. Your arms are huge by the way. All muscle and strong. They’re so...mmm.”
“Uh huh,” said Dean, giving Sam a death glare. “Sam, your harmless little curse don’t seem so harmless right now.”
“She should have slept it off,” said Sam, taking a seat at the table, Dean pulling you over into one, resigning himself to the fact he wasn’t getting the hand you were holding back anytime soon. “It must be a different curse.”
“No shit. Figure it out for me, would ya? It’s weird having Y/N act all...cuddly,” said Dean.
“Well, she is a girl, Dean,” said Sam.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Dean, your head resting on his shoulder.
“It means she likes hugs and you know, human affection...like a normal person,” said Sam. “You treat her like a guy sometimes.”
“Again, what does that mean?” asked Dean.
“It means when you tell her to buck up and kill the damn spider herself, she comes and asks me to do it. Or when you don’t help her with heavy stuff. She’s tough, don’t get me wrong, but I get the feeling she doesn’t think you care about her nearly half as much as she does you,” said Sam. “...Maybe that’s why she’s only sticking to you. It’s got something to do with that.”
“Y/N,” said Dean, your head lifting up with a smile. “You know I care about you, right?”
“Of course you silly boy,” you said with a smile, bopping him on the nose. “I love you different than Sammy is all.”
“See? She knows,” said Dean, giving you a smile that made your heart flutter.
“You’re so pretty,” you said, Sam rolling his eyes. 
“Hey, Y/N. Why don’t you eat breakfast and then Dean can spend the whole day with you while I figure out how to fix you, huh?” asked Sam.
“The whole day with Dean? That sounds amazing,” you said, leaning up and giving Dean a kiss on the cheek.
“Please hurry Sam.”
One Week Later
“I want Dean,” you grumbled as Sam brought your dinner by your room. “Please? I need him.”
“Dean’s researching right now, Y/N,” said Sam, locking up the door behind him, spotting your barely eaten lunch. “You need to eat, Y/N or Dean won’t be happy.”
“Why do I have to stay in my room? I’m not doing anything wrong,” you said, Sam sighing as he took a seat.
“You’re making it hard to research out there, Y/N. You...you’re kind of all over Dean,” said Sam. “He’s not used to attention like that and it’s making him uncomfortable.”
“But you love him and you get to be near him,” you said, scrunching up your face. “Tell him I’m sorry. I’ll do whatever he wants. I just want to see him. Please.”
“Sweetie, it’s the curse that’s making you all nuts for Dean, you have-”
“I always liked him and now that I came out and said it he’s scared of me. Tell him I take it back. I’ll really try to be better,” you said. 
“If you eat your dinner, I’ll talk to Dean about coming to see you, alright?” asked Sam, watching as you grabbed your fork. “Good girl.”
“Hi,” you said when you saw your door open, a pair of green eyes peeking in. Everything in you wanted to hop off the bed and run over to give him a hug but you said you’d try to keep it under control.
“Sam said you wanted to see me,” said Dean, hanging by the doorway, watching you start to fidget. “You’re shaking.”
“I’m fine. Are you okay? Can I do anything for you?” you asked, leaning forward and clenching your hands into fists.
“Just give me a hug before you have a heart attack,” said Dean with a sigh, your body responding before your brain, up and over to wrap him up in your arms. “Better?”
“No,” you said. “You don’t like it.”
“I’d rather have a hug because it’s real, not forced,” said Dean, moving your arms away. 
“It is real,” you said, cocking your head up at him. “I want to hug you.”
“No, the curse is making you think you want to hug me,” said Dean with a smile. “There’s a slight difference there, sweetheart.”
“But I love you. Everything I’ve said or done, I always want to do,” you said. “I just...don’t have a filter to say ‘don’t do that anymore.’”
“It’s a curse and we’ll solve it, alright?” said Dean. “I don’t want you to get upset about it. We’ll figure it out and get everything back to normal around here.”
“Dean,” you said, moving forward again, Dean already with a hand on the door.
“I promise, Y/N.”
“I don’t know why it didn’t work but you shouting at me doesn’t fix it!” yelled Sam, both boys in the middle of screaming at one another as you sat in the library, doing your best to stay in your seat.
“It’s been two weeks, Sam. Look at her. She’s barely keeping it together,” said Dean, waving over in your direction.
“If I was under a love curse and the other person resented me, I might start to get upset too, Dean,” said Sam. You got to your feet, forcing them to move away and for your bedroom, your movements slowing as you hit the edge of the library. “See?”
“I’m just going back to my room, Sam,” you said over your shoulder, frozen in place with the need to stay near Dean. 
“It’s got to be that spell. Figure out what you screwed up,” said Dean, his hand on your arm melting away your bubbling anxiety, replacing it with something soft and warm. Dean didn’t immediately leave when he got you back in your room, instead laying down on your bed, turning on your TV and throwing an arm behind his head.
“What are you doing?” you asked, sitting down next to him, curling into his side with a smile.
“I miss you,” he said, moving his arm around your shoulders, a rush of relief flooding you. “...I’ll take care of you. I know it hurts and yeah I’m not used to all this lovey dovey crap but I’m going to help you through it. If letting you crawl all over me makes you feel better, we’ll do that.”
“Hey, bozos,” said Sam, standing at the end of your bed, stirring you awake. “I didn’t mess it up. It’s on a time delay.”
“Well,” said Dean with a yawn. “How long until it works?”
“Judging by the look on Y/N’s face, it already did,” said Sam. You were glancing at your lap, sitting as far away from Dean as possible. “Are you...”
“I want to be alone, please,” you said, Sam nodding his head and leaving. “You too Dean.”
“It’s okay, it was just a curse,” he said, rubbing a hand up and down your back. “Nothing to be embarrassed about.”
“I told you two weeks ago, Dean,” you said, turning your head over your shoulder. “I don’t love you and Sam the same way. It was a love curse, Dean. All I was trying to do this whole damn time was to make you feel loved.“
“I do feel loved,” said Dean.
“You don’t get it. This isn’t something I can explain to you, Dean. Either you get it or you don’t and you obviously don’t so please give me some space today,” you said.
“I get it,” said Dean, grabbing your wrist and spinning you to face him. “It’s been very clear to me since this whole thing started. I don’t want you to want me though.”
“You don’t get to decide that for me. It’s my life,” you said, trying to shake him off. “Dean...”
“It’s different when’s it’s staring you right in the face and you can’t run away, right? To know that deep down that what someone is saying is true?” he asked.
“If you got hit with that curse, what are the odds that everything you’re spewing out is bull and you do want me but are too scared to say it,” you said. Dean was silent, dropping your hands as you nodded your head. “So what do you want to do about this?”
“If you want to...try, I guess I’m cool with that,” said Dean, shrugging like you were discussing dinner.
“Cool with it?” you asked.
“I ain’t turning into a Hallmark card anytime soon,” said Dean, holding up his hands. “But...your hugs aren’t so bad.”
“Ah, yes. Your definitely wooing me, Dean,” you said, shaking your head.
“Y/N, I’m trying,” said Dean.
“I know. We’ll...take it one day at a time.”
One Year Later
“Hey, you guys remember that freaky curse that made Y/N stick to you like glue?” asked Sam at lunch one day. 
“Yeah,” said Dean. “What about it?”
“Well...I translated another spell that references it,” said Sam. “It was used back in the day to help men find wives.”
“That seems like a douche move,” you said, leaning back against the wall, tossing your legs in Dean’s lap.
“No, no. Not like that. It was meant for when a guy loved somebody but was too shy or insecure to say something. If the person didn’t have a reaction, they didn’t feel the same way. If they did, then it sort of proved there was something there,” said Sam.
“It took you a year to find this out?” you asked, Sam shrugging. “Why do I feel like you’re lying Samuel...”
“You know, we never did find out who put such a strangely harmless curse on Y/N either,” said Dean, crossing his arms. “You wouldn’t happen to know anything about that, would you Sammy?”
“Not a clue,” he said with a smile, glancing back at forth. “Weird, right?”
“I’ll get my fiance to kick your ass you ever pull something like that again,” said Dean.
“I’m really good at kicking ass,” you said, Sam shaking his head.
“I got no idea what you guys are talking about,” said Sam, standing up with a stretch. “I think I’m going to go for a second run while I think about who could have ever done this to you two.”
“Want to destroy him later?” asked Dean, wearing a smirk once he was out of earshot.
“Of course. Not too badly though,” you said.
“Just a touch of destruction for our devious Sammy coming right up,” said Dean with a chuckle. “While we’re at it, it’s been a year since our first date tonight.”
“You got something special planned?” you asked.
“Obviously,” he said. “Mess with Sammy first though?”
“You read my mind.”
2K notes · View notes
darkbluekies · 4 months ago
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Dr kry x nurse reader
Like imagine nurse reader was college student wanted to be a nurse to learn some medicine or help people sick and taking care old people
Sea sick
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Doctor!yandere OC x nurse!reader
Summary: being the only one to be granted as Dr Kry’s apprentice on board a hospital ship ends in tragedy
Warning: yandere, sinking ships (fictional ship and incident), poisoning, indirect killing, mentions of dead bodies and autopsies, blood, sharp objects
Word count: 8k
A/N: a lot of people hav wanted a story where darling is a nurse and I have tried writing it so many times over a year, but haven't been able yo. So I tried changing location and it seemed to work, so it is not exactly what was asked, but I hope that it is enjoyable anyway!
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He stands on the promenade deck, watching out over the harbor, breathing in the fresh air. People carried on stretchers catch his eyes. 
He used to get sea sick during his first weeks out at sea. There was something about how the ship rocked back and forth during the stormy days that made his stomach turn inside out and want to eject the food he had eaten. But now that he's been here for three months, it's barely noticeable. He hasn't thrown up for three weeks. A new record. 
He has grown to like the rocking motion of the sea, but doesn’t care much for the people he shares the ship with. The female nurses try to invite him into their cabins, the male nurses fight over who will be his apprentice and the doctors either watch him with jealousy or ignore him. It’s only for a few more months, until he has saved up enough money. Until everything is over. 
They’ve just picked up a town hall full amount of wounded soldiers and new nurses. Doctor Kry has heard that his new trainee will be among them. He scans the crowd of people walking towards the gangway, trying to guess which one will be his to deal with. He hopes that they are obedient — he has no interest in scolding them — and that they aren’t stupid. 
“Watching the fresh blood?” a voice asks. 
He turns to the side to see one of the other doctors coming out to look at the new herd. Doctor Hart is an asshole, always in everyone’s business. One could almost think that he was getting paid for it. 
“You could say that”, Doctor Kry replies shortly. 
“How many dead, do you think?”
Doctor Kry let his eyes wander over the crowd below. 
“Fifty, maybe”, he says. 
It’s a cruel game, he knows that, to guess how many won’t survive the trip to the mainland. But he doesn’t know how to converse with the other doctors unless he joins in on their sad games. 
Sometimes, he plays with the nurses out on deck. There’s all sorts of games tucked away in boxes, ready to be taken out whenever.
“I heard that your trainee will be among those”, Doctor Hart says and nods down at the group of waiting people. “Who’s the lucky one?”
“I don’t know”, Doctor Kry replies shortly and stops leaning on the railing. “I should go find out.”
He doesn’t wait to hear the reply. He’s not sure where to go for his trainee to find him, but he decides to go to his cabin — if not to be at a static place, then to get away from everyone. Him getting a trainee must be the only hot topic they have. 
He navigates the white naked steel corridors to get to his cabin. It’s hard to believe that this naked ship should be covered with polished oak panels, golden details and expensive paintings. None of that can be afforded to be lost, in case the ship is sunk. 
They have lifeboat drills every morning to make sure that everyone on board knows what to do. Since they rotate staff often, those drills need to be done. They’re boring, but handy. 
The ship is nothing more than an empty shell of what she’s supposed to be, stripped of anything that gives her personality. All that’s left is bare necessities, nothing for pleasure.
He opens his door and walks in. The room is small and only contains a bed and a desk, the walls bare steel. It has a rectangular window overlooking the forecastle and he can’t help but think that he has gotten one of the best cabins on the ship. He knows that doctors, officers — both military and ship — and a handful of passengers, get better cabins than  the wounded or nurses. 
Doctor Kry sits down by the table and opens his notebook to write. He has time to finish two pages before there is a knock on the door. It’s a drastic knock, as if the person on the other side of the door is either nervous or eagerly excited. He stands up, not knowing what to expect as he opens the door. Outside stands a young thing, with their hands clasped in front of them. You take him by surprise. You’re not what he expected — but then again, what had he been expecting?
“Are you Doctor Kry?” you ask. 
“Yes, I am”, he replies. 
“I’m told that I am your apprentice.”
He lets his eyes wander over you. You seem so … small? You’re younger than he had thought, and there’s something naive about you. He can’t help but wonder what events has led you to end up here. 
He realizes that he can’t have you standing out in the corridor forever and steps aside, gesturing for you to come in. You walk past him into the small room and look around. 
“You have a better cabin than I do”, you say with a small — nervous — laugh, as if to bring some kind of humanity into the conversation. It’s as if you want to skip right past the awkward small talk. You grimace. “I have to share a cabin with five others. We only have a small porthole.”
Doctor Kry closes the door. 
“What’s your name?” he asks. 
“Oh, sorry”, you reply quickly, eyes widening with realization. “Y/N.”
Doctor Kry can’t help but tug at the corner of his lips. 
“Are you always this light-headed, Y/N?” he asks.
You look down in embarrassment. 
“No, doctor”, you say. “I am just nervous. I haven’t done anything like this before. Sorry, doctor.”
“Sit down.”
You look around for somewhere to sit and end up on his neatly fixed bed. Doctor Kry sits down on his chair by his desk. You fiddle with your hands in your lap as your eyes follow him. 
“You’re going to be my trainee, which means that you have to listen to me at all times”, Doctor Kry says. “The medical field is a profession that requires precision. One faulty move and someone could die. Is that clear?”
“Yes, doctor.”
“I’m responsible for you, so I don’t want you doing anything stupid, do you get that? No breaking rules, no stupid behavior.”
“Yes, doctor.”
He stretches his neck. 
“This doesn’t have to do with you but I will tell you this anyway, in case it should occur”, he says stiffly. “If any of the other nurses give you any trouble, you’ll come tell me right away, understood?”
“Yes doctor”, you reply. 
“Good. In that case, let's get started. A lot of people have boarded the ship today, and we need to check up on them. You might have thought that you’d get a day to settle in, but that’s not how we do things here. On board, things can happen at any hour of the day and you need to be prepared.”
You nod. 
“Good”, he says, pleased. “Let’s go then, we have work to do.”
When he stands, so do you. He walks towards the door and so do you. You follow him through the corridors like a puppy, in silence. You don’t say anything. Maybe this will work for him after all?
You come out to the main staircase, a pathetic excuse of what it should be, and walk up a flight of stairs. What should be the lounge is now an operating theater and bedroom to wounded soldiers. He can hear you draw a breath as you walk in. The smell must hit you, he guesses, the smell of pain and blood. 
You follow him around the open room as he talks to different men and women who have all kinds of painful injuries and sickness symptoms. You’re quiet behind him. When he’s done with his round, he takes you out onto the promenade to get you some fresh air. You hold onto the wooden railing. 
“That can be unpleasant”, he says, leaning onto the railing beside you with his elbows. “Especially if it is one's first time. You’ll get used to it.”
“I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to expect”, you reply. “I knew that it would be … bad … I just didn’t know what type. Tomorrow will be better. Now I know what to expect.”
You give him a small smile. Don’t give up on me yet, I will prove myself to you. You are weirdly cute. 
“Why are you here if you lack so much experience?” he asks.
“Good question”, you sigh. “Money problems, I suppose. My family has it rough.”
“How long will you be here?”
“A few months, until I've saved enough money.”
Doctor Kry nods. “Same here.”
“Is life on board tiresome?” you wonder. “What do you do out on sea?”
“Some play deck games, some write, draw or read”, Doctor Kry says. “Some spend time with the wounded. Everyone comes up with different activities.”
“I would like to explore the ship, see what the home I will have for the coming months contains.”
“If you want I can give you a tour.”
“Really? Thank you, I would love that.”
You follow the doctor inside again. He decides to start from the bottom of the beast and show you up to the very top.
The orlop deck is the one right above the boilers. The two of you shouldn't wander further below, in case of danger. The orlop deck contains a mailroom and the cargo hold. It's chilly inside the ominous cargo room. Wooden boxes stand in groups.
“These contain everything from weapons to medical equipment to food and alcohol”, Doctor Kry says and taps the top of a wooden box. “Some people — of the military staff, I've been told — sneak down here to steal some of it. I wouldn't advise you to explore down here. The ones you'll meet will most likely be drunk beyond measure and not trustable.”
“I understand”, you say.
“That being said, let's go upstairs.”
G-deck is filled with bunk beds, rows and rows of them. Walls that used to separate cabins have been demolished and left are the marks on the floors where they should stand. People are in bed, either sleeping or chatting with each other. They’re wearing bandage.
F-deck was the same as G-deck, filled with bunk beds and cabins. 
E-deck has a pool with crystal clear water. It’s a simple pool, only there for exercise. It used to have much more detailing, a children’s part of the pool and some children’s floating toys. 
“It would be nice to swim here”, you say. “After long hours of standing.”
“I think it is nice”, Doctor Kry says. “I haven’t used the pool yet. I think it’s seawater but, like I said, I haven’t tried the pool yet.”
Before he has time to think, you’ve crouched down, sunk your cupped hand into the water and taken a lick. Doctor Kry gasps and twitches forward.
“What are you doing?” he questions. 
“It is seawater”, you say. 
He grabs your wrist, pulls you up on your feet and shakes your hands free of the water.
“That is disgusting, do not do that again”, he says sternly.
You laugh slightly, meeting his eyes. Doctor Kry shakes his head, but has to restrain himself to not smile. 
“Get out”, he says, nodding at the door. 
You walk before him. Your youthful behavior is going to wear him down. 
D-deck has more dim corridors than the others you’ve explored. Doctor Kry stops in front of a steel door with his hand resting on the handle. 
“This room is the morgue”, he says slowly. “I don’t expect you to like this room, but I do expect you to treat it with respect. Don’t do anything ‘fun’ here, like you did in the pool. Understood?”
You nod. Doctor Kry opens the door. A chilly wind blows through you. You hug yourself. The room is colder than the winds up on deck and you look at Doctor Kry to see if he’s also feeling the cold. Along the walls of the room are numbered hatches. You don’t need him to explain what is inside them. Doctor Kry opens a door to the right, showing a small room with an operating table on it. 
“Have you ever performed an autopsy?” you ask. 
“Many times”, he responds and closes the door. 
“Do they get … easier every time?”
“Easier? I wouldn’t say easier, but you learn to shut off your brain. You’ll learn that too while working here.”
He walks you out of the morgue. D-deck also contains even more wards. 
C-deck has the first class dining saloon, now nothing more than a school cafeteria. The tables are simple, the chairs looking uncomfortable. A few men sit by a table eating. Doctor Kry is quick to get you out. 
B-deck has more cabins and open wards, along with an enclosed promenade deck filled with beds, where patients can rest in fresh air. There’s nothing left of the verandah cafe, the suites have been emptied and the hairdresser doesn’t have the equipment that it once had. 
A-deck is the only deck on the ship left with some of her old personality. The lounge has some armchairs and couches and the smoking room still has the painted glass windows. You look at the painted mermaid on the window. 
“It’s beautiful”, you say. 
“It is”, Doctor Kry says. “I think it has something to do with Greek mythology, but I haven’t asked.”
The enclosed promenade deck the two of you had been on is on the same deck. Boat deck, on the other hand, has nothing enclosed. Nothing to shield anyone from wind or rain. Rows upon rows of lifeboats stand in their davits, collapsible ones are positioned on the roofs for easy access. 
“Okay, I think you’ve seen it all”, Doctor Kry says and sighs. “Not much, as you can see. Majority of it have been removed in case anything would happen to the ship.”
“Is there a risk of something happening?”
“The ship is painted white with a green line and big, red crosses. People know better than to sink a hospital ship.”
“But at night you can’t see what color the ship is painted.��
“I assure you that has been thought of. I will show you. Meet me at my cabin at sunset.”
“Okay.”
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You knock at his door as the sun is resting on the horizon. Doctor Kry stands up from his chair a bit too quickly.
“Good evening”, you say. “I’m here.”
“So you are”, he replies and grabs his beige coat. “Let’s go, we can get dinner afterwards.”
You follow him out to the main staircase and up to the boat deck. The red shade above you is fading into dark blue skies. Wherever you look, nothing breaks it. You follow Doctor Kry to the stern where you have a good view of the ship. A strand of green light lights up the side of the ship, big spotlights turned to the red crosses. The green light gives your face a magical shade, one which makes the doctor stare at you when you’re not looking. 
“You can sleep soundly”, he says. “As you can see, there are lights showing other ships what we are. Now, how about some food?”
“Yes, please.”
The two of you walk back inside and make your way down to the dining hall. You don’t say anything, but the way your hand travels the railing down the main staircase makes him smile. 
You get a bowl of soup and a piece of bread. Doctor Kry leads you to a table full of doctors where he always sits. Not because he likes their company, but because he doesn’t want to sit with the immature nurses. 
“So this is your apprentice?” Doctor Hart says, eyeing you. 
“Yes”, Doctor Kry replies. 
You sit down beside him. 
“I’m Y/N”, you say, remembering how you had forgotten to introduce yourself to Kry earlier. “
“You are a voluntary nurse, right?” a doctor asks. 
“Yes.”
“What training do you have?”
“The absolute minimum, sir. I didn't have time to learn more before being sent here.”
“That’s why they’re my apprentice”, Doctor Kry says before anyone else has time to say something that could invalidate your lack of knowledge. “I’m supposed to train them.”
“You have gotten an unfortunate fit, Y/N”, Doctor Hart says jokingly. “Kry is a good doctor, but probably the most boring man I have ever come across.”
You frown, looking between him and your mentor. 
“I wouldn’t say that”, you say slowly. 
Doctor Kry looks at you with a small smile before taking a bite of his sandwich. 
“If you ever get tired of this boring man, I could always use a trainee”, Doctor Hart says with a small smirk. 
The other doctors laugh. You give them a small, uncomfortable smile.
“Let them be”, Doctor Kry says warningly. “You don't have to be an ass to the newcomers.”
He turns away from them, looking at you. 
“Don’t listen to them”, he whispers.
“Okay”, you reply quietly and give him a thankful smile.
He spends the rest of the dinner conversing with you, completely ignoring the other doctors. He asks you about your family life, the members in it, what your favorite memory is. For the first time in months, he's had a purposeful conversation, one he won't forget the second he leaves the dining hall. You've only been here less than a day and yet you've managed to put color in this white steel beast.
“I shouldn't keep you”, he says suddenly. “I suppose that you're tired. You should rest. I will see you tomorrow morning. Will you find your way to your cabin?”
“I think so”, you smile. “Thank you.”
“Be at my door at seven tomorrow morning.”
You nod. Doctor Kry gives you a small nod before walking away. His heart pounds in his chest, already looking forward to tomorrow morning.
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Days go by. You spend every waking hour with your mentor, following him like a dog. You don't get why everyone else calls him strict, why some pity you for having him. And some pity themselves for not being picked. It's a weird feeling, you find, that everyone has a divided opinion of you and you have no idea who thinks what. All eyes on you, and none seem to be in your favor.
Doctor Kry is awoken by knocking on his door. Still in his drowsy state can he recognize the pattern. You have a unique sense of knocking. The darkness still covers the sky.
You're standing outside, wet to the bone, wearing your pajamas and a guilty look in your eyes.
“You told me to tell you right away”, you say quickly. “I'm not sure if you meant that literally but … I have nowhere else to go.”
Your voice dies out. Doctor Kry frowns, looking at your wet form up and down.
“What happened?” he asks suspiciously.
“They locked me out.”
“What are you talking about? Who locked you out?”
“The other nurses.”
What?
“Why are you wet?”
“They threw water on me and threw me out of the room. I-I guess that it was a joke but … I didn’t really … find it funny …”
He can tell that you're shivering, although you're trying your best not to show it. It makes him unexplainably furious.  
“Come inside”, he says and steps aside.
He's quick to grab his towel from his trunk and wrap it around you. You sit down on his chair.
“Did they say anything to you?” he asks. 
“Not from what I heard”, you reply quietly, shaking slightly. “Everything went on so quickly. I barely had time to wake up before I found myself in the corridor.”
“They threw you?” Doctor Kry asks, trying to understand. 
“Grabbed me by my arms and threw me out.”
“You must have hit the opposite wall in the corridor.”
“It’s fine.”
He feels his heart tug. His poor little apprentice, getting thrown around like trash. He knew that the nurses were assholes, but he is appalled that none of them even tried to befriend you. He knows that it’s because of him. In some way shape or form, it always leads back to him. It’s his responsibility to take care of you now. And, like hell, he’ll do it.
“Let’s get you out of those wet clothes to start with”, he says and removes the towel from around your body. “You’ll get sick if you keep them on any longer.”
He helps you remove them and dress you in his spare pajamas, offering you his bed. 
“Don’t go back to that room”, he says. 
“Why?”
“I feel like I am responsible for you and that’s why I can’t let you back there.”
“What do I do then?”
It’s such a simple question, but it makes him feel even more determined to take care of you. You’re asking him how to proceed. You trust him enough to let him decide what should happen to you. It’s enough to make him hear his heart in his ears. 
“You’ll stay here for the night, and I will decide what to do with you in the morning”, he says and removes the cover of the bed. “Why don’t you go to bed while I get you a hot cup of tea?”
“Okay, thank you, doctor”, you say quietly. 
“Of course.”
He smiles as he walks out, but the second he closes the door he feels a pain in his heart. He has been with you for two weeks by now and every day has been a pleasure. He can’t remember the last time he’s been this excited to work. Every meal, he spends it with you. He plays deck games with you on your breaks and play board games in the lounge at night. You’re interesting to him without being annoying. Everyone else gets on his nerves, being too much, too loud, too clingy and too … much. You, somehow, seem to be just perfect in every category. It’s such a rare trait for him to find. He doesn’t care that no one else understands it —  on the contrary, he finds it great that he is the only one you spend your time with — but he hates that the others are childish enough to mess with you because of it. 
Sea air must bring even the sanest people to madness. 
The morgue flashes before his eyes and he stops right in his tracks. He wants to. Oh, how he wants to. But there’s no way that he could play it off. On a secluded place like a ship, there was no place to hide a crime. Nowhere to flee if he did get caught. He’ll figure it out, though. They won’t go unpunished. 
He gets the cup of tea and makes his way back to the cabin.
“Drink this”, he says and holds the cup to your lips. “This should warm you up.”
He notices how you’re trying to take the cup from him, but he won't let you. Wants to feed you. You drink slowly. 
“What do I do from now on?” you ask. 
“Well, firstly, I will talk to your roommates”, the doctor says. “Tomorrow morning. You can take my bed, I will sleep on the floor.”
“No, I can’t do that. I’ve troubled you enough, doctor.”
He doesn’t answer. Instead, he tucks you in and opens his trunk to take out a shirt to use as a pillow. 
“Doctor, please”, you say. “I can take the floor.”
“Don’t be absurd. Enough of this, now go to sleep.”
There’s no use in fighting him, he will not budge. You try to lay as still as you can, but it’s hard to drift off to sleep. You’re unaware that Kry is awake as well, having an even harder time getting some rest. The only thing he can think of is how angry he is at those nurses … but also a particular happiness. They sent you his way. In an unofficial way they sent you right into his clutches. 
The very next morning, he awakens to find you there, in his bed, sleeping peacefully. He stares at you. There is something so heavenly about you. Something alive, among all this death and suffering. 
He changes into his uniform before walking through the ominous corridors of your room. His knock must have echoed in the room because he can hear a few surprised gasps.
He recognizes the tired face that opens.
“If you don't mind, I'll grab Y/N’s things”, he says and, before waiting for a response, pushes past into the room, hitting their shoulder intentionally. “Where are they?”
“Under that bunk bed.”
He follows the pointed finger and grabs a brown bag. 
“You should be ashamed of yourselves, you know”, he says without changing his normal calm tone. “I thought nurses were supposed to be caring, but what do I know? I never spend time with them. And now I see that it was with good reason.”
“What makes you so special?” one of the nurses scoffs. “There are a lot of doctors people would choose before you too.”
“I'm aware of that, and I'm very thankful for it. But you shouldn't forget that there is a hierarchy on board. I might not fall for your charms, but I can still get you downgraded to kitchen staff.”
He walks out. You're still sleeping when he returns to his cabin and he decides to go get you breakfast.
“Wake up”, he says and places the tray on the desk. “I've gotten you breakfast.”
“Really?” you ask and sit up. “Thank you so much. And thank you for letting me stay here.”
He doesn’t answer. Instead, he gives you a cup of coffee. 
“I brought your things”, he says. “I don’t think that you should go back to that room at all. I will try to get you into another cabin.”
“Oh”, you say. “Thank you.”
“You say awfully many ‘thank you’s.”
“Well, you do awfully many nice things for me.”
He tries not to show how happy he gets, but his ears burn a crimson red. You get out of bed and walk over to your bag, looking around for something. 
“I want to give you something”, you say and hold your hands behind your back. 
“What?” asks. 
You take out a little porcelain dog, a spitting image of a Golden Retriever. 
“I don’t have much”, you say, “but I really value this little thing. Take it.”
“No”, Doctor Kry says simply. 
“I don’t have anything else.”
“Which is why I can’t take it.”
“Please?”
He looks at the little dog in your hands and the pleading look in your eyes. His hand reach out and take it in his hand, knowing that he won’t keep it. He will find a way to give it back to you at a later time. But he has to accept it for now so that you don’t feel stupid. 
He places it on his desk and gives you the cup of coffee again. 
“What will we work with today?” you ask. 
“We’re picking up some new people.”
Everytime they pick up new people, he’s reminded of your limited time. One day, sooner than desired, you will walk off the gangway … and someone will take your place. No. Never. He doesn't want anyone else other than you.
Among the newcomers, you find a child. The six year old boy seems to like running along the big ship's decks. 
You and Kry observe him from the promenade boat above.
“Why is there a child?” you ask. “Isn’t it dangerous to let a little boy run around?”
“His parents must either be military, a nurse or wounded”, Doctor Kry replies.
You let go of the railing. Doctor Kry follows you with his eyes as you make your way down to the boy. You introduce yourself, take his little hand and ask him for his. Nicholas. You play with him. Doctor Kry can’t look away. You’re a natural with children. The little boy seems to have genuinely fun with you. You’re running along the deck, back and forth. You pretend to have a hard time catching up with him, making Doctor Kry smile. He’s not much for children. They’re loud, unpredictable and lack consequence-think. He hates all of it. But you seem to have a natural talent for it. The boy seem so comfortable with you. It’s adorable. 
“Doctor!” you shout. 
“What?” he replies without raising his voice. 
“Come down, let’s play something!” 
He sighs and lets go of the railing before making his way down to you and Nicholas. 
“This is doctor Kry”, you tell the boy. “He won’t bite you.”
“Bite?” Doctor Kry scoffs. “Since when have I ever bitten someone?”
“That’s what I’m saying — you won’t bite him.”
“I never bite to begin with.”
“That’s what I’m saying, so what are you arguing about?”
“Y/N- … nevermind, I’m getting nowhere.”
You laugh. He shakes his head disapprovingly, but his heart aches fondly. You’re like an annoying fly buzzing around, but he doesn’t want to kill you. 
You play curling on the deck and you throw lamely to let the little boy win. He tries to match it, tries to follow your lead. 
The image doesn’t leave his brain for the rest of the day. The only thing he sees is you with the little boy. 
“Doctor, be careful!”
He doesn’t notice how he’s slipped with the scalpel and cut himself in the palm. With a hiss, he backs away from the man on the operating table. You grab his other arm and pulls him with you. His head is awfully cloudy. The only thing he sees in front of him is your smile when you played with the boy. 
“Sit here”, you say and place him down on a chair. “Are you okay?”
“Yes … yes, I’m fine”, he says and clears his throat. 
You clean his hand and wrap it in bandage. Your touch makes him want to pass out. But it also makes him want to yell in frustration. How could he slip up that easily? He has never been distracted during an autopsy and suddenly seeing you with a child puts him out of balance enough for him to slip the knife?
“You need to be careful”, you tell him.
“I know”, he sighs, rolling his eyes. “I don’t enjoy hurting myself.”
“I didn’t mean that, I know you’re careful, I just-”
He realizes that he’s made a mistake. 
“I know”, he says, cutting you of before sighing heavily and continuing in defeat. “I didn’t mean to sound mad. I’m not angry with you.”
He could never be. If anything, he’s furious at himself. 
“It’s okay”, you say gently. 
You let go of his bandaged hand. 
“It should be okay now”, you say. “But I don’t think that you should go back.”
“I won’t”, he says. “They need a steady hand and clearly my isn’t.”
“Don’t be hard on yourself, doctor. It happens to the best of us.”
He sighs and stands up, keeping his eyes on a point above your head. 
“Let’s go out”, he says stiffly and clenches his jaw. “I need air.”
“Do you want to be alone?” you ask. 
His reply comes short. “Just come.”
You nod and hurry after him out on deck. His entire body screams anger. You don’t dare to open your mouth, scared to upset him even more. Instead, you follow him like a shadow around the promenade deck. He suddenly stops and looks at you, as if he just only realized that you are still here. You back away a few steps to give him space. He flinches forward, as if his body wants to walk over to you, but his brain stops him. He wants to hug you. Wants so bad. But it is not professional. 
“Maybe i should go”, you say. “I think that you need some alone time to think. I’ll see you later, okay? Don’t be so hard on yourself.”
“No, wait”, he says and grabs your arm. “Don’t leave.”
You look at him questionably. 
“Let’s just sit”, he says and pulls you over to the deck chairs. 
“Are you sure that you’re okay?” you ask hesitantly. “You seem a bit on edge.”
“It’s not directed at you”, he says.
“Okay, but you’re still upset. I know that you hurt yourself, but it’s okay, it’ll heal quickly.”
“It’s not just that.”
He never makes mistakes. He never slips up. You’re becoming dangerous for him.
“Do you want to tell me?” you ask.
He shakes his head and gives you a small smile. “No. I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
It’s cute how worried you are about him. He gives you a smile. 
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It feels like a dagger through the heart when you tell him that it is your last week on board. What do you mean that you’re going home? You just came here. His mind spins as he tries to come up with something. He needs you here on this boat — or wherever he is — to work properly. Both figuratively and literally. He feels like he performs better, both in the operating theater and as a human. 
The cut on his hand has healed by now, but he can still feel the burning sensation of your fingers against his skin. He can’t — won't — forget it. He kept the bandage, despite the blood on it.
You need to be kept here … and he needs to come up with a solution on how to keep you. He could make you trip down the stairs and have you break a leg. No, you could still return home with broken bones. He could tie you up and lock you in, but if you screamed loud enough someone would hear you through the thin steel walls. You need to blend in. How does one blend in, in a floating prison with wounded people. 
Oh. Of course.
He makes his way to the medical supply room, looking around for something — anything — that he can use. He finds a little green bottle. You shouldn’t drink it straight away, but if he dilutes it in water, it should be fine. 
He decides to mix some of the dangerous substance in your tea the following mornings. For the first few days, there seem to be no symptoms of his little poisoning. Until the fourth morning when you’re not at his door when he expects you. He gets himself dressed and out of the room, marching down to your new — own — cabin. He knocks on the door. 
“Y/N, are you awake?” he asks. 
“Yes”, he hears your voice through the door, your voice thick and hoarse. 
“Can I come in?”
“No.”
He opens the door. You’re lying in the bed, curled up with your arms over your stomach. 
“How are you feeling?” he asks. 
You shake your head weakly. “Not well. My stomach really hurts … I think that I’m going to throw up. I haven’t been able to go get a bucket so I’ve been trying to keep it in.”
“I’ll get you a bucket.”
He leaves the room. Out in the corridor, he can’t help but smile. It’s finally kicking in. He had been worried that it wouldn’t work until you had left the ship … where he can’t care for you. He gets a clean bucket from a storage closet and returns. 
“Let’s get you up right”, he says and helps you sit up. 
The motion alone is enough to have you throwing up. He places the bucket under your mouth, letting you empty yourself. 
“I’m sorry”, you hiccup. 
“It’s okay”, he replies. 
“I don’t think I can work today.”
“I don’t expect you to.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Stop saying that.”
He opens the window and sits down by the desk. 
“You don’t have to stay here”, you say weakly, leaning against the wall. “I’ll be fine.”
“You won’t be fine”, the doctor says. “I can see that. You took care of me, now I’ll take care of you.”
“It’s different. I just put on bandage.”
“So? You weren’t skilled for more. I am, and I intend to put my knowledge to use.” 
He stands up abruptly, deciding to start right away. 
“Let’s get you some fresh air”, he says. “This open window won’t do.”
“Doctor, I can’t move”, you say, eyes widening. “I-I’ve tried, but I-I … I can’t.”
He frowns. Has he done too much? 
“My stomach hurts so much and my limbs don’t seem to want to move.”
“It’ll be okay”, he says shortly and lifts you up in his arms. “I’ll do the moving for you.”
He walks slowly along the decks, so as not to make your nausea even more unbearable. He walks out to the enclosed promenade where rows of beds stand along the walls and places you down in one of them, making sure to get you in the sunlight. With a smile, he tucks you in.
“Some fresh air and sunlight will do you good”, he says and sits down on the side of the bed. “Why don’t you try to get some rest? I suppose you haven’t had much this night. I’m not going anywhere, you’ll be safe.”
You nod and make yourself a bit more comfortable. 
“It’s hard to not be nauseous when the ship moves so much”, you mumble. 
“I have the bucket, you can vomit as much as you’d like”, he says. 
“In that case I won’t vomit at all. Because I don’t want to.”
Doctor Kry scoffs with a smile. 
“I know”, he says. “Try to rest now.”
He sits by your side until you’ve fallen asleep. You are so unbelievably sweet. In every single way. Doctor Kry stands up to go empty the bucket. He walks out the enclosed promenade, out onto the open deck and throws the contains over the side. 
“What’s with your apprentice?” Doctor Hart asks, walking over to him with his hands in his pockets. “Rumour says that they’re sick.”
“Yes, they are”, he says shortly. 
“Weren’t they going home this week?”
Do not remind me.
“They were”, he says, even colder. “Not anymore. I can’t let them go back if they have some kind of sickness. Better for them to be isolated here where it can’t spread far.”
“Is it contagious?”
“Yes, very. I think that you should stay away from them — tell everyone else to be cautious and keep distance as well.”
He grimaces and quickly backs away from him, walking away. Doctor Kry smirks and shakes his head. 
And you consider yourself smart enough to be a doctor? 
“What are you doing?”
The little boy is back. Nicholas stands a few steps behind him, watching curiously. 
“I’m emptying a bucket”, Doctor Kry answers, trying not to sound short and cold like usual. You like this kid and if he’s impolite to him, he’s sure he’ll hear about it from you. 
“Why?”
“Because there was vomit in it.”
“Ew! Did you get seasick?”
He rolls his eyes. “No, not me. Y/N’s not feeling well.”
“Is Y/N sick?”
“Yes.”
He looks worried. His best friend isn’t feeling well? Doctor Kry sighs. 
“Do you want to come and meet them later?” he asks. “They’re resting right now but you can come visit when they’re awake again.”
“When is that?” Nicholas asks. 
“I don’t know.”
“How will I know then?”
“I don’t know.”
He doesn’t wait to hear more dumb questions. Doctor Kry walks straight back to the enclosed promenade and places the bucket by the bed. He sits down by your legs and takes your hand. 
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A few days go by. He continuous to poison your tea, and help you throw up. When your body doesn’t want to do it anymore, when it’s too exhausted to work for your benefit, he has to help. 
“Alright, open your mouth”, he says, brushing any type of hair away from your face. “This will not be pleasant, but I need you to throw up, okay?”
You sit beside him on the bed with the bucket in your lap, hugging it tightly. Your unsure grimace is enough to answer. 
“I know”, he sighs. “It’ll be quick. It won’t hurt.”
“Okay”, you mumble and nod, opening your mouth. 
He reaches in with his fingers until they touch the soft part of the back of the mouth. Your mouth is warm and soft, making him feel light headed. As soon as you gag, he pulls his fingers away. You hover over the bucket for the thirteenth time in twenty four hours. Doctor Kry pats your back. 
“There you go”, he says. “See? Quick and easy.”
“Easy?” you cough, giving him a stern eye. “Nowhere near easy.”
“Okay, maybe not easy. Bad wording. But it’s over now. Good job, I’m proud of you.”
A sad smile appears on your face. You lean your head onto his shoulder, sighing in exhaustion. Doctor Kry tenses. His heart stops. 
“I’m so tired”, you whisper. “My body hurts.”
He hesitates before wrapping his arm around your shoulders, bringing you closer to him. Your scent clogs up his head. 
“I should be home by now”, you whisper. 
“I know”, doctor Kry whispers comfortingly. 
You break out into sobs. Doctor Kry swallows. He can imagine how you must feel. Body broken and unresponsive, not back home with your family like you had planned and anticipated … and you can’t do anything to stop it. Doctor Kry turns your body to him and hugs you. Holding you feels like heaven. You fit perfectly in his arms, as if you were made for him, and him only. You were born to be his.
“I'm sorry if this is unprofessional”, you mumble. 
“It's okay, you're sick”, he replies thickly
He closes his eyes, enjoying the embrace. It’s everything he could — and have — ever dreamt of. His own little patient, in his arms, where they belong. Only for him. Oh, God, he can never let you go. You will be here for as long as he is, and then he’ll take you back home to him. Whether you like it or not.
“I’m cold.”
“I'll go get you some more blankets.”
He dreads to let you go but he can't deny your request. Your warmth disappears from his embrace. 
He decides to hurry, wanting to get back to you as quickly as possible. As he walks down the main staircase, he feels the entire ship shudder and hear a loud ‘bang’. He has to grab onto the staircase railing to not fall over. The sound of porcelain crashing onto the floor in the distance hits him. He hurries down.
A man covered in soot runs past him. One of the men from the boiler room.
“The ship is flooding!” he shouts in full panic. “We're sinking!”
Doctor Kry widens his eyes. There's no way, right? They're a hospital ship! No one in their right mind would sink a hospital ship! His mind forgets the blanket. He needs a lifebelt. Not a blanket. 
He runs past the room where you had stayed first, and he can see the nurses inside trying to scramble their belongings into small purses. Without thinking, he marches over, shuts the door and grabs the nearest fire extinguisher to break the lock. He throws the fire extinguisher to the side and hurries down the corridor, opening the first door he finds. It's a cabin for female nurses. He reaches over one of the bunk beds, to a net where lifebelts Are kept. He pulls down two and runs out. 
The floor has started to shift beneath him. He can tell that it tilts to his left. She's going down by the stern.
He runs up the stairs, trying to push his way through a flood of people desperately climbing upwards. He wants to shout at them, but it won't matter. No one else will listen or care. Instead, he uses force to push himself through the crowd.
He has to get to you before anything happens. There's no certainty in how much time there is, but there is a certainty of death if he doesn't hurry up. 
He runs through packed corridors, ripping open your door.
“What's going on?” you ask with wide eyes.
There's something horrific with your fearful eyes. Everything about you is dull and tired, besides your panicking eyes. 
“We've been hit”, he says in a steady voice and forces the white lifebelt over your head, tying it tightly around your body. “We need to get to a lifeboat as quickly as possible.”
“What?” you ask in shock. “What happened? You said that we were okay, that nothing would happen to a hospital ship!”
He doesn't answer. If he does, he's worried that he'll snap at you. Instead, he lifts you up and carries you out of the room. He makes sure not to trip, but carrying you through tilted spaces is harder than he expects. Giving up is not an option, however.
The boat deck is crowded. He manages to get through to a lifeboat and sits down with you in his arms.
“I’m scared”, you whisper.
“It's okay”, the doctor whispers back. “Everything is going to be okay.”
He holds you tightly when the lifeboat slowly sinks towards the water, scared that you might fall off. 
Seeing the ship from afar as the lifeboat makes its way away from it finally puts things together in your head. You gasp. You had been on that … and if Kry hadn't come get you you would still be on it, waiting for death.
The bow slowly rises out of the water, dripping with water. The sun shines right on it, as if it is the ocean’s main attraction. The room where doctor Kry locked in the nurses is far underwater by now. He hides a smirk under his hand. He had promised that they would be punished for what they had done. They'd have a chance if they hadn't been childish.
“I never thought that I’d see something like this”, you say. “I never wanted to see the bottom of a ship.”
“Me neither”, the doctor replies. 
“Will many die?”
“No, not many. I’m sure of it.”
You creep closer to him, shivering although you don’t feel any cold winds. He holds you tighter. 
The only thing left of the floating hospital is a steamy, bubbling mess, filled with debris. It’s like you can hear her hit the ocean floor. You can’t help but wonder what position she is in, if you’ll ever get to know. If anyone ever will dive down and check. If that will be possible.
“It’s so silent”, you whisper and meet his blue eyes. “It shouldn’t be silent … should it?”
“I don’t know”, he replies. “What is the other choice? People screaming?”
You shake your head quickly. Don’t want to imagine that.
Hours go by. When the evening comes, you’re picked up by another ship and given blankets and food. Doctor Kry stays close to you, not letting anyone get close. He sits in a protective position beside you, arms crossed over his chest, eyes scanning everything and everyone around him. 
The little boy clings to a woman who you guess is his mother. He doesn’t seem to understand what has happened, how lucky he is, and you hope that he never will.
“What will happen now?” you wonder quietly.
“I will continue to care for you until you are well”, he says. “That’s what will happen. I will take care of the rest, you don’t have to worry about anything. Just lean on me and everything will be alright, okay?”
You nod. Doctor Kry smiles and straightens his neck. 
“Good.”
You look up at the colorful evening sky and sighs. No one died this day — apart from a few nurses who doctor Kry didn’t like, but he will never tell you that — and that is a comfort. But you’re unaware of the plans doctor Kry has for you. And maybe that’s for the best.  
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