#she seemed pretty certain about it. very serious about never going through that again.

[castrovulcant]

[Image description: a close up of a person looking distressed as they are crying and screaming. /end image description]

me when a fictional woman decides not to get an abortion

[coraniaid]

The scene where Willow confronts Faith is Choices is kind of fascinating to me, because ... well.

I like Choices quite a lot, and I think Willow's dislike of Faith is perfectly understandable and in character (and her speech has some fun but probably not intentional foreshadowing for later seasons), but it's hard not to notice that the narrative expects you to be rather more unambiguously on Willow's side than I think is really warranted.

I mean, Willow might not have been the most popular girl in high school, but she has multiple close friends, a nice boyfriend, a stable [and fairly comfortably middle-class] home life, she "represents the pinnacle of achievement in Sunnydale High" in the words of her school's principal, she's trusted enough to teach at the school, in a year she'll be able to go to any college she wants (and, unlike some people, she can afford to go anywhere she wants), she used to hack into government computer databases (before she ever met Buffy!) and now she's teaching herself dark magic "for fun" and she hasn't [yet] ever suffered any real repercussions for either of those things.

On the other hand, from what little we hear about Faith's past we know she grew up poor and that her mother used to get drunk and beat her, that she didn't have any friends and dropped out of high school young, she is very strongly implied on multiple occasions to have been the victim of some pretty horrific abuse before being called as a Slayer, and after being called as a Slayer she got to watch the one adult who ever told her she mattered get killed horribly in front of her before fleeing across the country to a town where she doesn't know anybody, still has no friends, doesn't have a job or go to school and lives alone in a motel in the bad part of town. And when she accidentally killed a man, while trying to do the whole slaying vampires thing she's supposed to be doing, the Watcher's Council -- who never actually bothered to send her a new Watcher of her own -- decided to have her abducted and dragged away to England [a fate which surely nobody deserves].

Yet a part of Willow clearly thinks (and almost outright says) "oh, well, yeah, but she hangs out with Buffy sometimes when I don't get to and she slept with the guy -- not my nice boyfriend! -- who I used to have a crush on (and who I was briefly cheating on said boyfriend with), so it's clearly impossible to say which of us really had things worse and I don't need to feel sorry for her". And -- again, while this is great characterisation for Willow -- it's kind of hard not to notice that the writers think she has a compelling point.

Yes, sure, Faith has defected to working for the Mayor and has a knife drawn on Willow this scene (she's not anything like a blameless victim at this point of the story) and it takes a certain level of physical bravery for Willow to stand up for herself despite that. But ... I mean, come on. "You had friends like Buffy" is only true if you accept it to mean "you had exactly one friend, who was Buffy". "It's way too late" for Faith to seek forgiveness ... how many people has Faith killed at this point? One, by mistake? Giles has killed more people than that. "Some people think you had a lot of bad breaks?" Yeah, actually in Faith's shoes I'd want to hit Willow after she said that too.

I realize that part of the show's central thesis -- something that explicitly came up as recently as Earshot -- is the idea that everybody, regardless of how comfortable their life might seem from the outside, has their own sorrow and pain and (only occasionally metaphorical) demons to fight. But while that's not entirely wrong, it's also ... not entirely complete? Everyone has it bad sometimes, but some people really do have it worse than others. Pretending otherwise is ... not a serious position to take.

Willow's life could be better, but she's not gone through anything like Faith has. I'd argue she literally can't imagine how bad Faith's life has been. She really doesn't have as much moral authority as the show's writers think she has at this point.

[Compare this part of Season 3 with the first half of Season 6, when the show is overflowing with sympathy for Willow's abrupt descent into magic addiction but has no sympathy at all for Amy Madison, whose own magic addiction is just implied to be because she's inherently a Bad Person who Willow needs to avoid and whose own horrific past and abusive mother and complete lack of support system is just entirely forgotten about. Or, indeed, to the weird take of Dead Man's Party, which has Buffy apologize to Willow for ... what? Having problems of her own that don't revolve around Willow? Being too busy mourning the loss of everything she ever cared about to tell Willow how uniquely special and amazing she was for learning rudimentary magic? Not being grateful enough for Willow restoring Angel's soul without bothering to ask Buffy if that was something she still wanted her to try?]

So, the overall effect is ... yeah, it's a good scene. But it's almost a good scene despite the writer's intentions, not because of them. It's much less of an ambiguously triumphant moment for WIllow than I believe we're meant to read it as.

[horseforeplay]

So I’m very autistic about music and I loved how succession made Kendall’s music taste have so much character and be so accurate to who he is and who he thinks he is, which made me start thinking about the other siblings listening to music. I just cannot imagine it. I can’t imagine Roman putting on his little AirPod and opening up a Spotify playlist or putting on posters in his room for a certain thing. The idea of shiv being into drill and grime is extremely funny to me. I think connor tells Alexa to put on slow old Spanish ballads blasting (at an appropriate volume) through every floor of his desert house and Willa wears noise cancelling headphones constantly. I just can’t decide if Roman has an obscenely normal man music taste (like what plays in gyms) or if he actually cares about music. And then I listened to horse foreplay again and I need to make a playlist for it so basically: what do you think Roman would listen to?

incredible message. oh man. for one, connor genuinely seems like a music lover because that’s in line with his situation being the only sibling to genuinely enjoy the spoils of wealth and just stuff generally. he also has that fleetwood mac line at tom’s bachelor party, and famously karaokes a fucking leonard cohen song. love him.

kendall’s music taste is central to his character, we all know what ken’s taste is (or at least i think we do, i have seen some very funny “ken listens to this” mixes. they should resemble the intern-curated obama end-of-year picks LOL). shiv i have no idea about, but i wouldn’t be surprised if she had some appreciation for whatever dad liked if dad ever bothered to point something out. i don’t think she listens to florence + the machine though be serious you guys just see a girl with red hair…………….

my personal read on roman’s whole Deal is that he has the least “life of his own” of the siblings. even his reputation / the rumors about him (that he’s a playboy who loves coke) are the least accurate to his actual behavior and preferences (esp when contrasted with ken’s public takedowns which hurt his feelings precisely Because they’re often true). it’s difficult for me to imagine roman having strong personal taste in….. pretty much anything, even when he sees his choices symbolically (“i want steak” speech in america decides). in the end, roman is most interested in cultivating an image of himself that is going to be the most protective of his true desire for authenticity and connection, but we know that he has no idea what to do with himself when he is confronted with an opportunity to actually “express himself”.

all this to say, it is very difficult for me to imagine roman sincerely enjoying music/art without a level of detachment, irony, or jokey judgement. if he likes certain sounds, i couldn’t see him singing along like kendall in the backseat. maybe a handful of songs are nostalgic for him, maybe some post-hardcore (…. fugazi….. honestly……) or even MAYBE some britpop or eurodance from the european half of his childhood. he wouldn’t allow himself true sentimentality with it though. he certainly knows all of the lyrics to a few songs bc he’s very In the World, esp culturally impactful songs, but he just seems like a guy who fucking hates bohemian raphsody. he knows who the pinball wizard is but i can viscerally feel his frown at hearing the baba o’reilly opener in a shop. he simply would never admit to loving a band, let alone buy a t-shirt! (i think i get a little annoyed generally with assumptions about roman that cast him as even a little bit twee just because he’s silly. look at how he actually dresses. this man would not paint his nails or have a charm on his phone. you’re thinking of kieran culkin!)

anyway this is my fav horse foreplay fanmix by @gotouda just bc it’s bursting with songs that are simply About Romtom. full of stuff me a young millennial gay person listens to so i play it a lot lol. there’s also an unsettled/upsetting undercurrent to some of these choices that matches the tone of the fic PRECISELY!!!! i have no idea how someone would go about building a mix based on romtom AND character taste just bc it is nigh impossible for me to picture roman roy listening to a song BECAUSE it reminds him of tom.

tom on the other hand…………….. that’s elton john, that’s ABBA, that’s broadway original cast recording, that’s george michael, that’s adele. ok

[frogsndogs]

So recently I watched this pilot short: Epilogue of endings. It’s about 12 minutes long, created by a group of animation students over a single summer. I had never heard of the project before it showed up in my youtube recommended.

It changed my brain chemistry. I watched it 9 days ago and I can’t stop thinking about it to save my life. The music? Spectacular. The voice acting? Perfect. The art? astounding. The characters? I’m already emotionally attached. Hotel? Trivago.

Listen, I don’t tend to watch of a lot of things anymore unless I’m with other people, and I have this weird thing about engaging in new media, I think because a lot of what I’ve been watching recently has been kinda disappointing, or very… I don’t know… it’s hard to describe. It just feels like a lot of studios are making characters shallower, relationships strained, and half-assing their world building. A lot of media that I’ve taken in recently is trying very hard to make itself seem edgy and serious and that’s not what I want right now and definitely not what I need.

But this 12 minute pilot? This is everything I never knew I needed. The characters feel like real people, with complex motivations and interpersonal relationships. They’re flawed, but they’re trying their best with the situation that they have. They have things, other people that they care about and would fight for, they have motivations and backstories that you can see the breadcrumbs of, but have not been revealed yet, and the breadcrumbs are so good you can’t wait for the whole loaf. The world-building is exquisite, built up enough that you can see the beginning, but still drawing you in with more questions. 

I have a more detailed review under the cut, with SPOILERS, but I highly recommend that you go watch the pilot. It’s 12 minutes of time well spent in my opinion.

So the first scene. We’re introduced to Lucy, Blu and CG. I think Blu is already my fav, lol. In this scene, we see the three characters playing eye-spy while walking through a forest. It’s a pretty innocuous scene if we didn’t pan up to the sky and see the sun having broken open and Lucy becoming emotional over having to leave town, and presumably the rest of her life behind. Blu doesn’t answer her.

So Lucy clearly doesn’t know what’s going on, and I’m wondering if Blu has limited information himself. Maybe even Blu doesn’t know why or how any of this is happening. Maybe Blu literally can’t answer her question because he doesn’t have the answers. Maybe it hurts, being so helpless and out of control, so he’s in denial to a certain extent, trying to pretend that everything is fine. He’s trying to keep this little girl, happy and safe and alive, while also presumably dealing with his own shit, and no he’s not doing it perfectly, he’s flawed, as people and characters should be, but he’s trying and so far she is alive and safe to a certain extent so way to go Blu! I think this will probably cause some tension between the two down the road, but for now they just keep walking.

I wonder where they’re going, if anywhere specific? Why did they leave town specifically, we see there’s lots of danger pretty much everywhere, did something happen?

Anyways, then we get to this scene of someone fixing what appears to be a subway train. He stops, pulls out a journal and we get some exposition stuff. We find out that the world ended, and how. And WOW. This whole thing was gut-punchingly realistic I feel. People blowing up the competition trying to race off into space when it’s announced that the sun is going to die out? That’s something that unfortunately I can see people doing. I wonder/hope that this will become a plot point again later on, and we’ll find out what happened to all those people. But anyways that’s not even the craziest part; the fact the sun broke open and released a whole bunch of eldritch horror monsters??? Yep here we go. And then the next thing hurts. Like a lot. Because the narrator says that ‘people who hoped to live out their last days in normalcy quickly found out that their life-style was no longer sustainable’. That shit made me want to cry. The want for a peaceful death, a calm death, a painless death, but having even that ripped away from you. This setting that these characters are in is awful and very terrifying, and we can see how it is hurting them, torturing them, but I got to give props to the world building. It’s good writing. They set up the plot, the problem, what’s been going on the past couple yrs, some mysteries, to both the viewers and the characters, and in doing so give us some idea of the characters that we do have. Because the characters that we do have are trapped. The characters that we do have are abandoned. The characters that we do have are survivors. 

And then we pan out to see the narrator having an interaction with one of the Monarchs. And this scene? Gave me chills, man. I was so creeped out by this. Acedia’s ‘I do not like that response,’ Mole’s utter helplessness to do anything, his clear, potent fear of the creature, the way that it just lightly touches him and he flinches. Then the frustration that we see on his face after it leaves, the anger that turns into tiredness and then hopelessness? Someone needs to wrap this man in a blanket stat.

And this is where I’m starting to think that Blu doesn’t really know the full extent of what’s going on. There’s a good chance that Mole knows about the Monarchs because he’s being held prisoner by one. It’s possible that Mole is seeing the world collapse before his very eyes, while Blu is just seeing the aftermath and not knowing why and I can’t say which is more terrifying.

The ‘I have influence?’ line is peak. I love it so much, I can’t even say why. That whole little interaction with Lucy saying that she takes after Blu, Blu being so genuinely touched and CG being low-key offended is perfect and I love it. It shows how close they are, how much they care about each other.

The the… zombie ppl??? I love the detail of how unlike a lot of teenage protagonists, Lucy listens to Blu, and gets out of danger. She trusts him to handle the situation on his own, and knows that the best thing that she can do right now is get to safety. There’s an implicit trust there, in spite of her clear issues with Blu not telling her things, and this is what I’m talking about when I say the character relationships are complex.

Oh fuck. The transitions? The way that it cuts from one character to another, each unintentionally completing one another’s scentences, and unknowingly engaging in conversation. It’s amazing storytelling, an amazing presentation and for some reason it just confirms to me that these characters are family. They fit together like puzzle pieces. I don’t know what else to say.

We get more info on our mysterious narrator, Mole, who is an amnesiac, and clearly going through it. During this scene we see a crumpled newspaper of what seems to be a younger version of him, winning an award for his dedication at being a subway motorman. His name is crossed out in black ink, so we can’t see it. Which makes me question, did he do this to himself? Is his amnesia a trauma response to everything he’s going through? Did something happen to the point that his brain decided shutting down and forgetting everything was better than remembering this one thing? And it hurts, because in the picture in the newspaper he looks so happy. So young. So alive. It’s a stark contrast to the man we see with bags under his eyes, talking to himself and becoming increasingly distressed. I read through the article, and again, props to the team, some other people might have just did random letters or whatever but they put in a whole ass-story, giving the viewers more info about Mole than even he has. We know he was a dedicated subway motorman. We know he was inspired by his father. We know he had a sister. But these answers only serve to bring up more questions? What happened to his sister? Was his father still alive at the time of he end of the world and what was their relationship like? Because there’s a chance that their relationship was really good, and that’s why he went on to become a subway motorman, but there is also the possibility that he was pressured into doing so, and the way that he complains about being on a train when the world ended makes me kinda lean towards that option.

Then we see CG and Lucy walking around the underground tunnels and we get more info on them. We find out that CG was created by Lucy’s mom, which begs the question of where is Lucy’s mom???? What happened to her? Is there a chance that she’s still alive? Does Lucy know what happened to her mother?? Or is this just another thing that Blu is keeping her in the dark about? Does Blu know what happened to Lucy’s mother???? Or— as you can see I am totally normal about this woman. Anyways.

CG is a fun character, optimistic and bringing a lighter atmosphere to the show, but there is just something… off about her in this scene. The disregard for the danger, the naiveté, the joyful voice in such a horrible situation, feels so wrong to me. I wonder though if CG chose to be like this, or a certain amount of it is her programming? Does CG know what happened to Lucy’s mom? I think CG was created to be take care of Lucy but it seems to be the other way around here, why is that? 

And then we get info on Blu. Blu was a solider during the war when ppl were trying to get all the resources to race off into space. I wonder if Blu had believed that he would be granted a place on one of these ships. (If he managed to survive of course.) Or had he been in the military prior to all this, and was just pulled along? This makes me want to know more about his belief system before and after the end of the world. Also it is implied by CG that Blu is carrying a lot of pressure, and I wonder how that will be dealt with later on… hmm… 

Also the music that plays when Blu uses his arms to pull down the wall? Amazing, I love it, I love the scene, I love the fact that he’s a cyborg, I am so invested in these characters already it’s killing me.

Then we see Mole almost (accidentally) kill Lucy and CG. He’s out of it, he’s the only person running the trains, he didn’t expect to have to watch out for anyone, I think that we can give him a pass on this. Blu doesn’t think so obviously.

(Sidenote: the way that Lucy curls into Blu, as he protectively shields her is so cute, my heart, help)

Blu is pissed. His tone doesn’t change too much, it’s light, but there’s this threatening undertone there that kinda creeps me out. Mole tells them he doesn’t have a name, before Blu forces him to tell them that its Mole. Wait… is he called that bc Moles live underground? Anyways, Blu wants to leave him to die there, which shows an interesting side of his character. Prior to this we’ve seen him take a protective, fun role as Lucy’s guardian but here we see this apathy towards someone who is obviously not doing so well. A lot of other people would be excited to find another living person in the apocalypse, but he’s fine just walking away. Is this just because he almost killed Lucy? Or is there something more going on here? In Blu’s bio on the rainbott instagram, it says that Blu was ‘left to die in a mysterious incident’ and it’s interesting that he feels fine leaving someone else to die in such horrible conditions. Again - complex character writing, props to the team.

But Lucy doesn’t want to leave him. This shows her compassion and maybe too her want for connection with other people. Blu resists; ‘Lucy that is the most unimpressive man I have ever seen,’ this line has no right to be so funny, esp with Mole just staring at him in the background. Did he hear that or is he too far away, too out of it? Then he relents, perhaps solely because of Lucy, or maybe also because of his own want to do the right thing. He doesn’t like Mole, he makes that obvious, but if Lucy want’s to adopt this strange hobo man, fine, if it makes her happy. He’ll do whatever it takes to make Lucy a little more happy.

Mole’s ‘it doesn’t want me to leave’ scares the shit out of me, and the way that he just freezes up when Acedia shows up… 

The scene when it talks about humans really creeps me out, and makes me worried even more about Mole. Calling him ‘entertaining’ and saying that he ‘belongs’ to them. It sounds like it sees him as a toy at best, and reminds me of the way that Mole said earlier that the Monarchs had the power to ‘turn Earth into their own personal sandbox’. Did Acedia get rid of Mole's memories for that purpose? So that he would 'belong' only to them. I wonder though, why Mole, and if there were others, if Mole had to watch those around him die, or worse when they gave an answer that it didn’t like. I wonder what Mole has had to do to scrape by and survive, what he’s been through. But Blu pulls him along anyways, kind of against Mole’s will. Like obviously being with Blu, Lucy and CG is better than being with a horrifying shadow monster, but aforesaid horrifying shadow monster is going to be pissed at him. I wonder how he’s going to react to that, if he’ll lash out at Blu or worse, Lucy for rescuing him because now it’s gonna be angry and he’s gonna have to be the one to deal with the fallout of that.

Then the scene where Blu pretends to buy tickets to appease CG? It’s for comedic relief, but again it makes me think about Blu. Is he doing it because he knows CG will be annoying if he doesn’t? Or does he genuinely not want her to be hurt? I’m not sure. 

Then the campfire scene. Lucy looks away when Blu removes his mask, Mole tries to lean in to see what’s behind it. Blu doesn’t like this, I assume it’s a sensitive subject, but Mole is again, kind of out of it. Mole is scared of Blu and Blu clearly knows this, even kinda uses it to freak him out. I’m looking forwards to see that relationship developing, maybe one that contrasts Mole’s relationship with Acedia, I dunno, someone who cares about him in this really twisted way that hurts him, and someone who at first doesn’t care at all(at first), but still takes care of him in spite of it. I dunno… just vibes.

And Lucy’s little ‘what if we tell ghost stories around the fire’ breaks my heart. It’s like she too, is in denial to a certain extent. This is just a fun camping trip not the end of the world. Everything is fine. Everything will be fine.

Then the post-credit scene. There’s presumably, something left of the government that is working to try and deal with the Monarchs, which gives me hope that there might be a way to stop them, a way to stop all this death and destruction. I am curious about what’s left of this order, what the gov was like during the war, and how they’re operating now. Also the way the commander calls the droid C21, and the way that CG is called CG, and the way that he says ‘find the girl’ and C21 frowns and does this have something to do with Lucy’s mom??????? What does any of this have to do with Lucy? Does she know more than she’s letting on, or does not even she know what she knows??? Help I need answers.

Also all the characters in the credits. I desperately hope that they find the main cast and all become friends pls.

CG’s little song is beautiful and I think that it embodies the heart of the show. Like I said earlier a lot of the stuff I’ve watched recently tries very hard to be dark and edgy and a dystopian show where all the characters have been trapped and abandoned and tortured is the perfect setup for some grim and gritty TV. But it’s… not. The characters are funny and lighthearted and smiling in spite of all the shit that’s going on around them. The characters are trying to be nice, to be good. They are connected, they are a family. It is a dystopian setting for sure, but I think that the story is about family, about love and caring for each other. The story is about Blu, Lucy and CG playing eye-spy. The story is about Lucy smiling when she tells Blu her mom said he was a bad influence. The story is about CG wanting Blu to get some rest and take a break. The story is about Mole’s desperate panic at trying to stop the train before it hits Lucy, and Lucy not wanting to leave him to die. The story is about four people sitting around a fire, listening to music.

I really love this story, and I hope to see more of it one day. It’s really beautiful.

[densi-mber]

He Plays the Violin

If someone had told 20 year old Marty Deeks that one day he would be sitting on the couch with his girlfriend, watching a rebroadcast of a symphony, he would have scoffed. Yet here he sat, happily doing just that. It had taken a little coaxing to convince Kensi, but now she seemed enthralled by the performance.

During a particularly lively version of Rhapsody in Blue, Kensi nudged his shoulder with her elbow. “You know, something you’ve never shown me—?”

“Can’t be much at this point,” Deeks interrupted, speaking over the music. “I’m pretty sure I’ve shown you everything I’ve got.” He winked at Kensi, just in case she didn’t get the innuendo.

“Yes, it’s very impressive,” Kensi said, pausing to give him a once over. “That’s not what I’m talking about though. It’s something more skill-based.”

“Oh, I’ve got all kinds of skills.” Deeks grinned at Kensi’s groan.

“Deeks, stop it.”

Shifting to face her, he adopted a serious expression. “Sorry, go on.”

Inhaling shallowing, Kensi pressed her palms together. He couldn’t imagine what was about to say.

“Remember when you mentioned taking violin lessons?” she asked.

“Yeeees. Why?”

“Well, this concert reminded me that you’ve never played for me.”

“Kensi—”

“Baby, please?”

“I’m not that good,” Deeks protested, even as Kensi looked at him pleadingly. “I haven’t had a lesson in years.”

“But you’ve played since then, right?”

“Yeah,” he admitted reluctantly. Smoothing her hand up through his hair, Kensi cupped one of his cheeks.

“Hey, I won’t push it anymore if you really don’t want to, but I would really love to hear you play,” she said, which was remarkably convincing.

“Fine.” Sighing, Deeks pushed himself off the couch, heading for his bedroom. He felt Kensi’s eyes on him the entire way.

Even though he didn’t play regularly, he still kept his violin in good condition and stored it along with some other fragile items in his closet. When he came out a few minutes later with the violin tucked under his arm and the bow in his other hand, Kensi sat up, clapping her hands together in delight.

Deeks gave her a wry look, tucking a leg under him as he sat down. He plucked a couple strings, lowering his head in concentration. He spent a several minutes tuning the strings, adjusting the little knobs on either side. When he was reasonably satisfied with the sound, he turned to face Kensi again, and found her watching him.

“To reiterate, it’s been a few years since I even touched this, so listen at your own risk,” he warned Kensi one final time, tucking the violin under his chin, and bringing the bow up.

He chose a piece he’d taught himself in high school. The first few drags of the bow across the strings were a little rough, but he quickly fell into the rhythm, relaxing as motor memory took over. He closed his eyes, leaning into the emotion of the music, letting certain notes swell while other were softer and more subtle.

He played the final note, drawing the bow back slowly to end, and opened his eyes again. Kensi stared back at him, her lips slightly parted, her expression stunned.

“Sorry, guess I got a little caught up in the music,” he said, feeling oddly embarrassed. “My teacher always complained about that. Didn’t remember the audience.”

“No, Deeks, that was—that was beautiful,” Kensi quickly assured him. “I’ve never heard that song before.”

“It’s called “Ashokan Farewell”.

“It’s beautiful.” She leaned forward suddenly, cupping his face as she kissed him fervently. Deeks moved the violin out of crushing range. When Kensi pulled back, there was a fiery gleam in her eyes. “That was one of the sexiest things I’ve ever seen,” she told him, fingers slowly, but sure,y moving down his chest.

“Yeah, Mrs. Kayler definitely never said that,” he joked, a little breathless with Kensi’s unexpected response.

Sliding off the couch, Kensi took his hand, tugging him with her. Deeks started to set the violin to the side, but she shook her head.

“No, bring it with,” she said, guiding him back towards his bedroom.

***

A/N: “Ashokan Farewell” is a piece written by Jay Ungar and featured in several of Ken Burns’ documentaries.

Title taken from the song of the same name from the musical “1776”.

[thatonebirdwrites]

Legend of Korra Really Doesn't Want Asami To Eat

A friend and myself were going through the show, and we realized that the show doesn't ever reveal Asami eating. She seems to subsist on tea alone, while her friends and found family eat around her. In Book 1, she and Mako do not eat anything on their date. Asami does sip her tea. When Korra is rescued from Tarrlok, Korra devours her food, and Asami is at the table with her, but she has no food in front of her. She goes with Pema to wash dishes.

When in the sewers, she spits out the dumpster food and gives it to Pabu. In Book 2, Asami is not at the feast nor is she shown eating any snacks offered by Bolin or Varrick. She doesn't eat anything in Republic City despite there being at least one potential meal scene. In Book 3, we start off with Korra and Asami doing things together and Asami supporting her at Korra's press conference. They return to Air Temple Island, where Tenzin and his family are eating. Korra sits down to join them, but Asami stands there in the doorway awkwardly. She doesn't join them, and no one calls her over. Little to no food is shown on the airship journey. In Ba Sing Se, there is some food shown, but Asami is either not present for it, or again doesn't eat it. In Zaofu, she is at the dinner table with everyone else and there is indeed food in front of her. Others show signs of the food on their plates being eaten or touched, but Asami's plate is untouched. Again, she only sips her tea or tests Varrick's terrible detect-air-bender device. In Book 4, she is seen offering Korra tea, but if there is any food scenes (hardly any), Asami is either not present or she does not eat while everyone else does.

She is seen at a table but only has tea while others have food. In the Comics, we once again never see Asami eat. Korra does eat at one point -- see Ruins of Empire when she eats snacks offered by Bolin during the briefing with Wu and President Moon. Asami only sips tea. So the conclusion (edited in to add that this conclusion is partly tongue in cheek): The writers have a vendetta against Asami eating. Therefore, I proclaim that Asami deserves food! LET ASAMI EAT. Raise your voices with me! LET ASAMI EAT.

Now on a more serious note (edited for clarity on definitions):

Disordered eating and anorexia is very unhealthy, and sure, I can't say for certain if Asami is anorexic or not. Disordered eating on the other hand is when one's eating habits are not consistent and not as nutritious as they need to be, which would fit with the consistent pattern of not showing Asami as eating.

I struggle with this too, and watching Asami in the show and comics not eat at all while her friends and found family do? That was pretty triggering for me, and had me legit worried. Like, why does everyone else have at last one meal where they are shown putting food in their mouth or shown with a half-eaten plate of food, but Asami doesn't get that? Even Mako and Zhu Li gets a moment to eat.

(Edit: To be this consistent with such a trait, requires conscious decisions; if it was once or twice, it'd be insignificant of a pattern, but for it to happen numerous times each season, the pattern is consistent and frequent enough to be significant. It is very hard to accidentally create a character trait that is very consistent across four seasons.) It's bothered me so much that I wrote about it in my fanfiction, where she struggles with her disordered eating and remembering to eat. It helped me feel better and validate my own struggle with eating disorders. (EDIT: A lot of fanfics writers and artists write her as forgetting to eat due to being caught up in work, so numerous people have caught on to this consistent trait to the point they include it in their own fics.)

It just makes me sad to see that, especially the Book three scene where Korra and Tenzin's family FAIL to invite Asami -- who has done so much for all of them, especially as she saved Tenzin's life twice and Korra's at least once -- to the table to eat with them. This shows a callous disregard for her by those characters, which was a little unnerving to see.

Asami's only family is Korra and the brothers. She's lost everything else, and her company can't fill the role of family. And yet, they keep neglecting her. Korra doesn't start to really include her until after Zaheer, despite Asami being 1000% at her side and always saying yes to everything Korra needed. (Asami was so in love with her from when she first met Korra, let's be honest. All their scenes together are very gay). So despite Asami's total loyalty, she's treated more like an emotional-support-nonbender for the team.

Despite the fact she can take down people on motorcycles and large mech tanks.

Asami is an excellent fighter in her own right. Genius inventor. Caring person with a heart bent toward justice.

And yet, and yet, she's so underutilized, her complex backstory mostly off screen, and when on screen, she's on the edge of everything.

When I examined transcripts for Book 3, I kept finding scenes where they would write a description of the scene. Asami was listed with Naga and Pabu most of the time. For example: Asami, Naga, and Pabu are on the edge of the scene, looking on.

This utterly baffled me, and coupled with the fact she isn't shown eating, it makes me wonder about if she struggled with whether she belonged or not. Because Korra, Mako, and Bolin sort of sucked at being present for her, despite her tripping over backward to be there for them.

Asami Sato is incredibly loyal, and she honestly deserved so much better than what she was given in the storylines of the show and the comics. Her and Korra being together canonically is awesome, and sure, Korra is better at being attentive to Asami and her needs, but there's that imbalance of Asami still going out of her way to be present for Korra no matter what.

I wish the Bryke and his team would let someone like me or my fellow fanfic writers who have tackled Asami so well -- write an Asami-centric comic that no only addresses the above, but shows how Asami overcomes her disordered eating, finds belonging in found family, and comes to terms with her intense grief over all that she's lost in her life. That would be such a compelling story, and yet it's so overlooked.

So I wrote it, and so have other fanfic writers. Thank you to all the other fanfic writers who did their best to write Asami and dig into her story in a respectful way.

May Asami be given space to grieve and be able to eat with her found family.

[starry-blue-echoes]

Ok so serious ask au this time I feel like Jotaro definitely would not get married and settle down in the vampire Jotaro au. Maybe his brain also doesn't age (along with the trauma of becoming a vampire) so he's stuck in his teenage angst. He tries hard to feel normal so he does go and become a marine biologist but he never gets married, never has jolyne, and is overall still very angry. He won't mellow out as quick

-ffa

you're sort of correct, with some bits at least

(also just to make things easier, I'm going to be calling Jolyne's mom Marina)

Jolyne was actually brought up in this AU a while back, and while Jotaro doesn't get married, Jolyne does still exist. However, he has no idea she does. He had a....... not quite a one night stand with Marina(who was an exchange student), but they met one night, hung out for a couple weeks, Did The Thing, then Jotaro had a bit of a mental breakdown of self loathing and stopped coming to see her. It wasn't until she got back to America at which she realized she was pregnant, and because Jotaro never gave her any information about his family name or where he lived, with her limited resources she wasn't able to find him again

Jotaro has no idea he has a daughter, and honestly when he does learn about her existence? He feels unbelievably shitty about not having been there for her. That because of his selfish reckless actions, Jolyne had to grow up without a father and without knowing what she was. He also feels bad about leaving Marina to take this burden blind (not Jolyne, she could never be a burden, but Marina had nothing to work off of when it came to raising a half vampire) and decides he's going to do everything he can to make up for his absence by helping any way he can

Jolyne's childhood is...... a bit weird honestly. Sure there's the fact Marina was trying to figure out how to be a single mother but also there's her trying to figure out the whole vampire thing. Seeing Jolyne grow up with all her little quirks combined with certain traits she'd noticed of Jotaro's makes the pieces come together rather quickly, and suddenly Jotaro's apprehension toward getting close makes a LOT more sense. She's still pretty upset he ghosted her like that, but at least there's some semblance of an explanation

raising Jolyne was a lot of trial and error. Most "information" about vampires was completely off the mark. Jolyne doesn't have any issue with religious items, garlic, or silver, she can't turn into a bat or fly, or really any of the other extensive rules and traits of vampires. Honestly the only things that seemed to line up were Jolyne being a bit more sensitive in the sun, her preferring under cooked or raw red meats, healing a bit faster than normal, and some increased physical abilities

Marina did her best though, and in the end the result was Jolyne being a good person who has several healthy alternates of dealing with her abilities and is looking forward to a long, healthy life :D

unfortunately for her, Pucci fucks that up and she doesn't even know there's anything crazy going on behind the scenes until Jotaro shows up to break her out

As for the thing with Jotaro's whole mental/emotional development....... while he's still angry, in terms of lashing out at people that stops almost immediately. Instead he ends up isolating himself even more than in canon. His pure terror of hurting people far outweighs his anger, and he sees the best way to avoid that as not letting them close to begin with

Several years down the line this does gradually get better, mostly thanks to his family's help, and by the time 2011 rolls around he's much more adjusted and comfortable with his vampirism. There's still a SHIT TON of baggage he still has to work through, but he's not disgusted with himself and what he is anymore so that's a plus

[princessamahle]

The dark frost hashira  black y/n reader x tengen x tengen’s wives part 11

The training seemed to get every slayer pumped but it seemed no one received the mark yet. You were starting to think this was all for nothing. But tengen reassured you that atleast they are getting a lot stronger. You would catch up with the other hashira as you haven’t seen them since you’d retire with tengen. They were happy to see you and to see you were doing well. But something about you seemed really different. They couldn’t point their finger on it. It finally took Gyomei to say something to you, as you came over to bring him lunch that day. He came up to you and put his hand on your lower abdomen. He rubbed it softly and even heard a heartbeat through his senses. He finally said to you “Your carrying a child inside of you” you looked up at him in disbelief “what? No….I’m not pregnant…” gyomei rubbed again just to be sure “yes…you are my lady” you rubbed your own tummy, gyomei was usually never wrong or even playing a joke on you or anyone. He was very serious and concerned for you. “My dear it seems you won’t be able to train with us any further.” gyomei advised you to go see kagaya and amane about your recent discovery. You hadn’t seen them since then. So when amane saw you she didn’t realize you looked different at first. In fact she asked how was the training and your relationship with tengen and his wives. You told her everything up to that point, when all of a sudden she finally realized you being here on this certain day during training seemed rather odd. “Y/n, is everything alright?” You still couldn’t believe what gyomei said but you decide to answer amane “gyomei…told me I was pregnant” kagaya chuckled a little at the news while laying in his bedridden. amane’s eyes widen just a little from that surprise. “(Cough) (cough) did you and tengen become passionate?” Despite the masters condition he still seemed to find humor in the situation. In fact, hearing him ask you such a question made you feel a little embarrassed. “I…I mean…we…um…his wives…(sigh) yes…. We were passionate.” He smiled at your unexpected news and asked you to come closer. You scoot over a little more by his command. He rubbed your stomach with the little strength he had. And said something to your stomach and then whispered something to you as you leaned down to him. Your eyes widen, full of tears as kagaya told you something very important. After that you cried into kagaya and amane’s arms like a child cries to their parents. Whatever kagaya said, never left your mind.

And you had a long walk home that day. It was almost evening time. But when you arrived, the first person you saw was suma. She was just done doing laundry and wanted to bring clothes in. She smiled at you.    “y/n! Your home finally! Huh?” You embraced suma and said “suma…where is lord tengen?” Suma rubbed your head “he’s taking a bath shortly after training was done for the day. We were wondering where you went. What’s wrong?” You looked up at suma “I can’t tell you until we all sit down together. And that’s exactly what you all did. You all sat down for dinner and saki. Hina offer you some saki, but you told her no.this caught everyone’s attention. “ hey what gives!? Your usually always the first to drink before us!” Makio complained. “Well that’s going to be hard for the next nine months.” Makio eyebrowed you for a moment and then she stared in disbelief, suma started to scream in disbelief, hina put her hands over her mouth, and tengen just stood there still confused. “What!!!!????!!!!!!” All three wives yelled. “Huh? What!? What is it!? Why are you all yelling like that!?!!  Did I miss something!?!!” Tengen being the only one confused needed more explanation so hina took tengens hand gently and brought him over to you. She placed it on your lower abdomen and made him rub it slowly. After it was pretty obvious at this point. Tengen grabbed you in an embrace. “Why didn’t you say something earlier?” You started crying “I…just…found out…I’m scared tengen…” tengen chuckled “of what? Having a child? Your not having this baby alone! Your with us. We’re all gonna be flashy parents!” He picked you up making you feel like the queen of the world. The girls hugged you and kissed your tummy. You were gonna be the first to have tengen’s child and the girls were all going to be moms with you. This was truly a good night.  

                      (Flashback)

You leaned down to hear what kagaya was saying to you. “I’m going to leave you soon my child. So I won’t be able to stay to see your little one come into the world. Muzan is near and will be coming here soon. So I want you to stay with tengen and the wives. Be safe my dear child. A war will rise but I promise when it’s all over, a new era will begin. And your child will live in a world free from demons. So support your comrades and your new family. Your not alone anymore.” You cried in their arms and said “Master…it’s been an honor.”

part 11. Part 12

[ciaossu-imagines]

And for the last of that Monopoly prompt, for a fandom I do love but am very nervous about publicly creating content for again, X-Men: Evolution! I hope to have the last three fandom prompts (for Blush Blush, Mystic Messenger, and Kekkaishi, for anyone interested) I've got done up for you guys sometime this week when my schedule allows and then will hit a couple inbox requests! Again, a reminder that I love to hear from you guys! I don't bite, I promise, and nothing any of you have to say is stupid!

Send me a fandom and a number and I’ll tell you who in Monopoly:

Is the banker: Scott asks to be the banker every time. It’s his favourite part of the game, honestly, so he doesn’t get too much resistance on that front from the others.

Is overly protective of a certain game token and refuses to play until they get that token: She doesn’t know why, but Wanda really likes the top hat. Go ahead and tell Wanda she can’t have the top hat…most people don’t. Doing so only happened once and was the shortest game of Monopoly ever.

Who is the person who everybody always suspects of cheating even though “OH MY GOD IT WAS ONE TIME��: I feel like Rogue got really competitive once with Jean and cheated to try to win. She was caught though and honestly felt horrible about it afterwards, especially with how disappointed in her everyone seemed to be and has never cheated again. However, when she gets in a lucky streak or wins, it inevitably gets brought back up, usually by Jean.

Is the person who cheats and gets away with it because no one suspects them: Pietro is fully capable, willing, and does use his powers to cheat in most games and Monopoly is no exception.

Buys everything they land on with a YOLO approach and no strategy: That’s the only fun way to play, isn’t it? At least, that’s Kitty’s approach to the game. She’s not very cerebral most of the time and especially so when it comes to things that aren’t really serious to begin with, such as board games.

Suggests that they liven it up with alcohol: As much as he tries not to drink or smoke around the children, set a Monopoly board in front of Logan and the drinking starts. It’s the only way he’ll be able to get through the game since he vehemently hates it. That being said, he’s drinking but none of the underage people are. He’s pretty strict about that one.

Has a very stringent strategy and is willing to do strange requests and weird dares in exchange for the properties they want: Want him to drink a bottle of mustard in exchange for the property he wants? Get up and do the cha-cha dance for $50000 in game? Oh, don’t think for a second Todd wouldn’t do any of the above and even more to get what he thinks will help him win. He’s stupidly competitive about silly board-games and has his own weird, and often ineffective, strategies that he thinks are sure to guarantee victory.

INSISTS that they play by the rulebook TO THE LETTER: Both Scott and Jean are adamant about playing according to the rules and will get quite upset when rules aren’t being followed.

Throws the rulebook in the other person’s face and makes up new rules to make it better: Lance, Kitty, Kurt, and Tabitha all kind of team up to see just how riled up they can make Scott and Jean with breaking the rules or, better yet, with making up new rules. It becomes their own competition and is more fun for them eventually than the actual game itself. The more ridiculous the rule or the more upsetting to those around them, the funnier they tend to find it. However, Kurt and Kitty typically play it nicer and calm down if things are getting really upsetting for the others while Lance and Tabitha have zero boundaries and will start fights over these outlandish rules.

Has ridiculously good luck with the chance cards to the point of suspicion: She swears up and down that she’s using none of her powers, but Jean has never pulled a bad chance card, just saying.

Lands on all the taxes and as a result vows to vote for a different candidate in the next election: I feel like Beast has fallen into this and made this joke…and it was met by crickets only because he was playing with the kids and none of them are super-political for the most part. Quite a lot of them couldn’t even name the candidates.

Goes bankrupt first: Kurt really isn’t great with money, even fake Monopoly money, and bankrupts himself within the first half hour every time.

Which two people get into a screaming match: I feel like Scott and anyone from the Brotherhood would fight, and that there’s usually a tiff between Rogue and Jean and between Kitty and Kurt.

Which two people are secretly collaborating for a joint victory: I feel like Lance tries to help Kitty and Kitty tries to help Lance. It’s not an outright alliance because neither of them says anything to the other. It’s just something they end up doing.

Which two people are openly collaborating for a joint victory: Everyone knows Scott and Jean are working together to win. They try to take out everyone else first before they end up duking it out against each other at the end and there’s definitely some tension at that point between them, with heavy flirting as well.

Who flips the table: Tabitha doesn’t flip tables. She blows them up, thank you.

Who is the sore winner who in any other circumstance would be the one flipping the table: Pietro is arrogant in the best of times, but should he win at something? Anything? He’s going to make sure everyone knows his greatness.

Who anonymously calls in a bomb threat to end the game early: No bomb threats but someone’s liable to use their powers to end the game pretty abruptly, sometimes without meaning to. It’s just a frustrating game and they can lose their tempers and accidents can happen.

Who is the smart person who refuses to play in the first place: Monopoly is boring and dumb, and Spyke refuses to play it ever. No amount of bribery or  pleading will make him.

[the1975attheirverybest]

"One thing about Matty is that he knows that we as fans love him." This is actually something I've been thinking about all year and I hope I won't be offending anybody (this isn't meant to attack you or any of your lovely followers/ anons) And this might just be me projecting/ being way too parasocial myself so apologies if this is too negative. I really don't mean to make anybody feel bad but I really wonder if Matty didn't experience some sort of disconnect with the fans this year. Fan culture/ concert etiquette has changed a lot. We already know that going viral on TikTok and thus becoming more famous has been hard on him. He's expressed nonstop that it bothers him that so many fans film during their entire gigs - AND keep trying to provoke some kind of reaction out of him so they can go viral. People have been following the band around and stalking him personally, he's even been doxxed. Then ofc he got this extreme amount of backlash when he went on the podcast and people screaming for him to apologize/ apologize the way they personally seemed best (not saying people's feelings and criticisms weren't valid but I think we can all agree that it was very intense and lacked nuance), then we got very extreme reactions to him dating TS. And while our fans were much kinder/ more supportive, there was a loud majority complaining that we would "lose him" now cause he surely wouldn't be allowed to behave a certain way/ a loud majority trying to trivailize what happened ("Oh well, they were never gonna last, they're too different"/ "Let's be real, it was just sex. They can't have possibly been in love") and I feel that's pretty patronizing? We actually don't know what he felt for her/ hoped for or how it affected him to be dropped so publicly/ unceremoniously. Next we had a lot of fans immediately side w/ Rina when she shamed him in front of his whole industry at a festival he's been hoping to headline his whole life, fueling the same discussions/ outcries for him to apologize (same disclamer as above), Malaysia after-math, fans constantly begging for more social media posts but then getting offended/ finding fault in his posts (same disclamer as above) and even accusing him of predatory behavior because he possibly interacted with underage fans... Fans making up all sorts of rumors about him on twitter "for fun", believing Deuxmoi, accusing him of being in a PR/ fake relationship, complaining about ticketing/ tour dates, getting all anxious and worked up before the start of SATVB, expressing dread instead of excitement for the new show and begging him to "shut up, stop your bits and just sing" (same disclamer as above) fans being rude/ talking over him while he's doing his speeches/ performance art (and I also think he's pretty disappointed that people aren't really "getting it"), fans being so weird and grabby that he decided he doesn't feel comfortable taking off his shirt any longer, constant complaining about his hair/ facial hair, constant complaining about how much he interacts with the audiences, fans having the audacity to complain that he was sick/ tired/ emotional during certain performances... the list goes on and on. Again, sorry if this is all very negative and probably too parasocial (and way too long) but I felt really disheartened at all the negativity and entitlement this year. It was a very hard year for him and whenever I go through a hard time I am much more sensitive/ tend to feel unloved if criticised (however justified). I really hope he still feels loved and like we're "getting him".

No you’re right. Idk I always wonder how he feels because there are moments when he seems to think that things aren’t as serious as they are (like the Twitter backlash) and times when he seems to know very well what the conversation within the fandom is.

I think he gets it. (Tempted to uno reverse his own words and say “he gets us.”) because as much as he’s seen stupid / toxic fan behavior he’s also seen real fandom. Like the Vienna show fans who held up “you are loved” signs and he thanked them for it. And then the fan who asked him “how are you? Like how are you, really??” And he said it was sweet but not to worry. And he always says “we love you guys and we’re still us, we’re still here” etc. and crying cuz he saw a fan cry. I think he experiences both extremes. And it must be a lot and confusing to process because yeah people love you but then there are those who do so for all the wrong reasons and how do you separate those and when do you engage or disengage. Which is why I don’t blame him when he gets a bit defensive or whatever. Bless him.

Not to be weird and start drama but I felt his presence in the room (tell me why I sound like I’m talking about a ghost) at the Baltimore show. Which he said was the best show they’d done. And I genuinely think it’s because we didn’t have that many phones out etc. he and I interacted a couple times so he definitely sees, appreciates, and engages with those fans who are genuinely there for the band and for the live show and not the tiktok discourse. He knows. It’s just a lot to process alongside all the other stuff. Must be hard.

[spyridonya]

For the fluff ask meme--J, O, and T for Kadee and Lann and/or Daeran?

O n Cloud Nine - What are they like when they are in love? Is it obvious for others? How do they express their feelings?

I've described it for Kadira, so let me focus on the boys!

Lann is pretty obvious, all jokes aside, he is harsher to others than he is to someone he's developing feelings for. Once upon a time he was far more gentle with Wendu than he is now. The more he thinks he likes someone, the more awkward he gets to the point he seems pretty foolish, and it's painfully true with women. Daeran is a bit different in how he interacts with him, because Lann can't admit he likes Daeran until Act 4, despite subconsciously treating him with far more affection than he does with Kadira.

It is a little harder for most people to realize Daeran is in love and the most perceptive party members are the ones to notice it (Lann, Arue, and Ember in terms of Daeran's affections for the commander). This is mostly due to the quiet moment that Daeran lets slip past by mistake, because he never had to fully hide something like this before. He far more gentle and genuinely smiles more to Kadira and eventually Lann, he finds excuses to walk closer to them, while cooking he manages to serve them up the best parts. It's not the bombastic actions that make people think he's in love because that's how he behaves with all his paramours. Ember is the only person in the party outside of Kadira who thinks Daeran is a little in love with Lann.

Thrill - Do they need to try out new things to spice out your relationship? Or do they prefer a certain routine?

I think the best way to answer this is 'yes'. Even Daeran who hates being bored craves a certain type of routine in romance in his life and Lann who whose stick is shoved in the mud wants something thrilling as he gets his footing. It doesn't help that the sense of routine for all of them is hard, this being Lann second relationship, Kadira's first, and Daeran's first serious one despite doing nearly everything other the sun in terms of sexual acts and kinks. However, they all do discover that thrill is more than just sex. It's traveling together, seeing new things together, experiencing new things with each other -- and eventually they know routine has to be made but it doesn't mean it can't be enjoyable.

Love Confession - How would they confess to their s/o?

So, I already answered J, and I wrote about Lann's first kisses with them, I decided to go with this instead so you have three things to enjoy!

You know who is the first to do a love confession? Without prompting or a life threatening event? Lann, Lann is the first to confess he's in love with Daeran and Kadira. He confesses to Daeran he loves him in Act 4 during his drunken binge and the tavern fight. He confesses to Kadee how much he loves her at the start of Act 5 when he finds out she could die on him. He's very confused about her muted happiness over this.

The second to confess their love? Daeran. He confesses to Lann quietly after Lann nearly dies during his personal quest and how much Daeran fears Lann will do something stupid again. He's a little more terrified to confess to Kadira because he fears she'll die on him as well and he's terrified to admit how much he depends on her. That's why Kadee's reaction to the Other in pushing he and Lann away hurt so much - not realizing that Kadee isn't afraid of dying, but knows she's going to die.

Kadee's confession is through tears and fear on the cusp between Act 5 and Act 6 as an apology because she's afraid she's going to hurt them profoundly when she dies. Lann and Daeran don't let her leave Drezen until they convince her how much they love her and that she won't die. They won't let her die on them.

It's all very, very dramatic.

[schrijverr]

Life Is Ours, We Live It Our Way 14

Chapter 14 out of 18

Genderqueer Stevie with platonic soulmates Robin and Eddie living their best queer life.

In this chapter, over the course of spring break, Stevie connects with all his kids and is there for them, especially as El and Mike break up. Meanwhile, their new DnD campaign comes every closer, with that new characters to be introduced.

On AO3.

Ships: None (background stuff)

Warnings: Anxiety and misgendering that comes with not being out.

~~~~~~~~~~

The Kids

In the morning, the house is truly alive like Stevie’s previous house never was, reminding her of the Byers house whenever they all stay there. It’s amazing.

Stevie is cooking eggs and bacon nearly non-stop with Eddie helping in herding the kids, while Robin mans the toaster to get them all fed. It takes almost an hour, before the three can go and eat as well.

However, the kids are all having fun, with Lucas smiling as he talks with Dustin and Max. So, it’s very worth it.

Their whole house is taken over by gremlins, so they watch over them from the kitchen counter, eating as they stand up. Robin softly asks: “I saw the note. You two okay?”

“Nightmare,” Eddie gives her tight smile and she nods, half hugging him as she continues to eat with the other hand.

Stevie also nods that he’s okay, before he notes El standing and studying the fridge. Nervously he steps closer as he sees she’s mostly locked onto the picture from the fashion night he and Rob had a few months ago. He asks: “You okay there, El?”

“You are very pretty,” she comments, looking back at Stevie with her big serious eyes.

The compliment gives her a zing of endorphins and she smiles: “Thank you, El.”

“How come you’re not pretty more often?” she asks.

At that, Stevie hesitates. He has already explained homophobia to this girl and she has been one of Will’s greatest supporters, but is he really going to explain gender and expectations of gender to her in the kitchen on this morning?

Stevie looks at her again. She has no malice in her eyes, just innocent curiosity and Stevie decides it will be better if she’s the one to introduce it to her, instead of one of the kids, whom she’ll likely go to, should Stevie fail to give a satisfying response.

“Well, society doesn’t like it,” he settles on. “There are certain expectations about being a boy or a girl and if you don’t fulfill those expectations, people often get mad. Looking like that wouldn’t be safe outside.”

“Everyone should get to be pretty,” El frowns and Stevie remember the party telling her how badly El wants to be pretty, reclaim that feminine part of herself that was stripped by that horrid lab. And again her heart aches for this girl, who deserves so so so much better.

“They should,” he agrees with her.

“Do you want to be pretty like that all the time?” she asks, completely genuine and not knowing the emotions she is sending through Stevie right now.

“No,” she lies, breaking their number one rule. “I was just playing around with Robin. We were both trying different styles. Like you and Max do dress up sometimes.”

“I like it when me and Max do dress up,” El nods, as if she gets what Stevie is saying. It’s horridly cute. “We talk while we dress up.”

“What sort of things do you talk about?” Stevie asks, curious and glad to have a distraction from the picture on the fridge.

“Boys,” El whispers, leaning in like it’s some sort of secret. “Max thinks the Karate Kid would be a good kisser.”

“Does she now,” Stevie giggles.

“She does,” El says. “But we also talk about Lucas and Mike. Max has a lot of ideas about how they should treat us. It is why Mike and I broke up for a bit in the summer of ‘85.”

“Yeah?” Stevie asks, frowning a little. He hasn’t heard of this yet, but he knows Max knows her own self worth, so she wonders what the girl told El to get her to break up with Mike, while the two seemed practically conjoined.

“Max said he treated me like shit, like I was his little pet,” El confides.

Stevie desperately wants to know more. Now. She notices that they’re getting looks, so he puts on his best smile and asks: “Hey, El, wanna go outside and talk for a bit?” giving a look to anyone that looks like they’re about to offer to come too.

El frowns, but shrugs: “Sure.”

They go to the back porch where they now have a little bench and directs her to sit next to him there, smiling disarmingly at her.

“Is there something wrong?” El asks.

“I hope not,” Stevie answers. “But just in case, I wanted to ask without prying ears. I hope that’s okay?” El nods. “Why did Max say that Mike treated you that way?”

“It was back when Hopper rarely let me go outside. Mike came by often, but did not show me the female superheroes and we rarely hung out with my other friends. He was also lying me, but I only know that because we spied on him and Hopper made him,” El confesses. “And he did not tell me that he loved me when I was in California. But he does now.”

“And you’re happy with Mike?” Stevie asks. It still doesn’t sound the healthiest, but she’s not exactly a poster-boy for having normal relations herself.

“Yes, I love him. He has always been my friend,” El says firmly.

“Okay,” Stevie nods. Then can’t help himself and asks: “Can I give you a piece of wisdom?”

El thinks about it. Stevie likes that about her, she always takes the time to think about the things she’s told, so you know she means her answer. It’s refreshing after all the fake people like Tommy H. and Carol. “Yes,” she answers.

“You can love someone and not be with them if you’re not right for each other. Like me and Nance,” she tells her. “And it is also okay to want to try and be your own person without a partner for a bit. If you’re meant to be, you’ll find each other again. However, you’re also not required to love someone to make you a person. Or human.”

“Hm,” El hums, her only reply.

“I don’t know much about your relationship with Mike and it’s your life and your decision,” Stevie says. “I just know that those realizations were kind of revolutionary to me. So I thought they might not be evident to you either.”

“Thank you, Steve,” she says.

“Of course,” Stevie smiles, then decides to be a little brave and adds: “You know, friends call me Stevie.”

“Like people call me El?” she asks.

And he nods, because it is kind of similar. Both of them have reclaimed a bit of their name, changed it and shaped it alongside themselves to fit the person they want to be, instead of who others said they should be. So, he answers: “Exactly.”

Then she asks: “Why do only Eddie and Robin call you that? Are you not friends with the rest of the party?”

“I am,” Stevie confirms, then winks: “But they haven’t earned their cool points yet. You on the other hand are bitchin’ enough.”

That makes her giggle, before she says: “Max is bitchin’ enough.”

“Then I hereby give you the honor to tell Max that,” Stevie laughs, mentally wondering how that conversation will go and hoping that pushing her towards her friend, who seems to be a good influence here, will help her talk about what Stevie just said.

“I will,” she smiles, before skipping back inside.

Once she has gone back in, Eddie pops out and asks: “Everything okay there?”

“Yeah, El said something that worried me, but it wasn’t the worst thing, just some codependency that we might need to address at some point,” Stevie answers.

“Aren’t we all walking posters for that,” Eddie jokes, making Stevie laugh.

They drive all the kids home, subsequently getting invited to dinner by Joyce, since there won’t be a movie night this week, because the kids are holding one later. It’s spring break after all, no school the next morning.

The three, however, still have work they need to get to.

When they get to dinner – Robin of course also invited – Jonathan and Nancy have come back from college for the break.

It’s almost funny, Stevie thinks, that she thought she would spend her future with Nance, but now he has forgotten to make meeting up with her now that she’s home for break even an agenda point, while he has done so for movie night with the kids.

Still, it’s nice getting to catch up with both of them. College looks good on them and it’s nice to see them be happy after everything.

Robin, naturally, talks their ears off, asking all sorts of things about college life now that she’s waiting for her own acceptance letters. It’s something that hurts a bit, but Stevie can only smile at her enthusiasm. She deserves it.

El isn’t at the table, apparently off to have a sleep over with Max, but Will is there and excitedly asking Eddie questions about the new campaign. He is naming his new character Will the Worldly, a traveler, who is well learned in many things.

“I always be Will the Wise,” he tells Eddie. “But I’ve seen so much and I think that makes me more me then my wisdom.”

“Will the Worldly,” Eddie tests it on his tongue, then grins: “I like it,” which naturally makes Will beam.

It’s a nice dinner. Homey. The Byers will always be the closest thing to an extended family she or Eddie will ever have and each time they can come over, it’s a delight.

When they get home, it’s late and they have tupperware full of food with them.

Sunday morning, Stevie gets up early to meet up with Lucas to run. Both Eddie and Robin think he’s insane and they cling to him when he tries to leave, whining that they’ll have to eat Eddie’s cooking for breakfast, even if the man has learned to make some nice pancakes.

Lucas is already waiting for her when she manages to get free. They always walk to their meeting point, which is somewhere between their houses so that they’ll have a warming up.

As they start to run, Stevie notes that Lucas has gotten much taller over the year, already Stevie’s current height, which makes her feel all sorts of things. God, these kids are growing up. Right in front of his eyes.

He also notes that Lucas’ shoulders seems relaxed as they run. So, after a mile or so in silence, Stevie asks: “Slept well?”

“Yeah,” Lucas smiles. “Our talk helped a lot. Thank you.”

“No worries, I was just telling the truth,” Stevie smiles, happy to know Lucas is feeling better. But it reminds him of his other favorite Sinclair. “How’s Erica?”

“She’s been doing well. She just has her nights, you know,” Lucas shrugs.

“We all do,” Stevie says.

“Uh-huh,” Lucas agrees. “But I’m keeping an eye on her. Her grades aren’t slipping and she’s still social, just a little less. But we all know it’s harder to connect with people after this.”

Stevie nods, then asks: “You could maybe ask if Max would include her more often when she hangs out with El. I’m sure Erica would love having some friends that she can do something other than DnD with, who also understand.”

Lucas thinks about it, before nodding: “I can ask. I think Max loves her after she slashed the tires of that police car.”

“God, don’t remind me,” Stevie groans. “I’ll get my gray hairs too early because of you lot.”

And Lucas, the asshole, just laughs then speeds up a bit as he calls back: “Keep up, old man.”

It’s the fastest they’ve ran their track yet.

When Stevie gets back Eddie and Robin are sitting at the table, looking mildly alive as they sip their coffee and eat pancakes. A hot stack waiting for Stevie next to a steaming mug.

“You guys are the best, I love you,” Stevie groans, digging in.

“Love you too, dingus,” Robin smiles. “How was running for no reason?”

“It was fun,” Stevie smiles, the exercise always making him happy and awake. “Lucas looked better too. Has been sleeping well.”

“That’s nice,” Eddie says.

He and Robin have a double shift, so they take off after breakfast. The weekend combined with the fact that it’s spring break makes it that it is shaping up to be incredibly busy. Something that is homophobic according to Robin and Stevie can’t agree more.

Indeed, she’s exhausted at the end of the day. However, it is movie night and the kids will kill her and Eddie if they don’t show up, so they’ve moved their scene to next Sunday.

Movie night promises to be something, when he enters and is greeted by Dustin yelling: “Why don’t I have Stevie friend privileges?”

Okay, apparently that has traveled, Stevie thinks, unsure if she regrets it. Though, if he is to gather the courage to play Lady Stevie, then maybe this is a good start. He puts on a patented Harrington smirk and shoots back: “Didn’t El mention you need cool points?”

That earns him a round of guffaws as Dustin tries to defend himself and his coolness, which undermines the point he’s trying to make completely.

Once Stevie has gotten her entertainment she laughs: “I’m joking. You can call me whatever you want.” He sees the glint in Dustin’s and – more scarily – Erica’s eyes, so quickly adds: “Within reason and without being weird. Don’t think I won’t fight you, Henderson.”

Luckily, Dustin is just too smug to have Stevie privileges that he works it into conversation as often as he can that night, which is very affirming. Yeah, this was a good move, Stevie decides, cuddled up on the love seat with Eddie and Robin as always.

Curiously El and Mike aren’t glued together with El sitting next to Max and Lucas, while Mike is by Will.

Still it’s a fun night and it sucks to leave. Though all the kids excitedly shove their new characters in Eddie’s hands, telling him they can’t wait for the new campaign next Friday.

Mike is now Mike the Mutinous, deciding that he stands against authority, which tracks with what they know of him. For Dustin, he becomes Dustin the Dazzling, always ready with a solutions, presented in the most dramatic way. Lucas smiles when Stevie asks and says that it’s Lucas the Laureled, switching from his planned sports hero to war hero, since he feels like he has earned that sense of accomplishment. Stevie hugs him tightly after that.

Eddie is also very happy with how the kids have decided to showcase their growth and what they want to focus on when they’re sitting at home the next day. However, he laments: “These kids underestimate how long it takes to make a campaign. I can’t pull something out of my ass this quickly.”

Stevie snorts: “I have seen you pull full monologues out of your ass without issue. You’re gonna be fine. If you truly have nothing, we’ll just play a one shot to get used to the new characters.”

“You, sweetheart, are a genius,” Eddie grins. “And I am quite amazing, yes, thank you.”

“Idiot,” Stevie rolls her eyes.

“But you love me anyway,” Eddie singsongs.

“Sadly,” Stevie deadpans.

Eddie sticks out his tongue at that, stating: “Rude. I love you and this is how I’m repaid?”

“Get over yourself,” is what Stevie says, but he can’t stop smiling.

They fall into comfortable silence again, before Eddie tentatively says: “Hey, Stevie, princess, I haven’t seen you make a character yet. Are you planning on playing Lady Stevie?”

“I think so,” Stevie admits. “Do you think that’s a good idea?”

“Yeah, of course, if you think you’re ready then I support you,” Eddie says. “I wouldn't have killed Sir Stephen if I didn’t believe in everyone at that table. But it’s your decision.”

“Thank you,” Stevie smiles. “I really want to.”

“Then Lady Stevie it is,” Eddie grins. “Not going to lie, I’m excited for you. And I’ve been thinking about plot ideas for Lady Stevie much longer than these other characters. You and Lady Applejack are going to be the stars in the coming campaign.”

“Surprise me.”

“Oh, I plan too!”

Then both turn back to their original projects. For Eddie it’s his campaign, while Stevie is doing meal prep to make the rest of the week easier. In the background plays a Metallica album, since Eddie got to pick music tonight.

It’s not until he’s opening up Family Video, the next morning that the anxiety of what he has agreed to hits him. She knows she can back out still, but she’d feel bad and dislike himself for not going through with it.

Robin has a late shift, so he won’t really see her until he’s picking her up after and Eddie works the whole day. So, he’s stewing alone in all the bad reactions he’s sure to get from the kids when he pulls out his new character. Only to try to talk herself out of the spiral, because she knows these kids better than that. Rinse and repeat.

She survives her shift, feeling a bit calmer as he takes a moment to chat with Robin as they change the guard so to say.

At home, he starts cleaning up. It’s calming for the mind and it keeps his hands busy. Besides, it was time to clean again anyway.

However, he gets startled out of it by a knocking on his door. She frowns, wondering who it could be as she turns down the music and leans the mop against the wall. Opening the door reveals Mike and surprised Stevie greets: “Wheeler, what can I do for you? How did you even get here?”

“Nancy drove me,” Mike replies. “Can I come in?”

He looks serious and Stevie gets a bit concerned as she lets him in, making him sit at the table as she starts up some water for tea. As it boils, he sits across from Mike at the table and asks: “Is everything okay?”

“Uhm, El broke up with me,” Mike says, not looking up.

“Oh, kid,” Stevie sighs sympathetically, even if he isn’t surprised given that he might have unintentionally pushed this. “That sucks.”

“I- I don’t know what to do,” Mike says after a moment. “I don’t even know why I’m here, but- I- I just don’t know.”

“It’s okay, we’ll figure it out,” Stevie assures him. “Just tell me what happened, that sound okay?”

“Y- Yeah,” Mike nods and Stevie has never seen him like this. It’s a bit concerning. He starts to explain: “She, uhm- She told me that she wants to be her own person, find who she is without me, and that she loved me and that she always will, but that she didn’t want this right now.”

“And how do you feel about that?” Stevie asks.

“I don’t know!” Mike exclaims throwing his hands up. “I thought we were fine and now suddenly we’re not. And I didn’t do anything. If she loves me why doesn’t she want to be with me?”

“Well, not everyone who loves each other are meant to be,” Stevie says. “I loved Nance, but we weren’t meant for each other, it just happens. Sometimes it’s the right person, but the wrong time and that sucks, but it’s okay.”

Mike frowns: “I don’t want to be like you and Nancy. You never see each other again, I can’t live without El in my life.”

“Hey, just because you’re not together, doesn’t mean you can’t be in each other’s life,” Stevie replies. “I’m not together with Eddie, he’s still there. And I don’t see Nance as often, but she’s still there. You’re friends with the others in the party and they don’t just disappear.”

“But it won’t be the same,” Mike says.

“Something different might be good,” Stevie points out.

“Maybe,” Mike agrees. “But it can also be terrible. What if she becomes this whole other person and I don’t know her anymore. What if she doesn’t want to be friends. Or we can’t make it work and the party has to pick sides, which inevitably makes that we’ll fall apart!”

“Okay, tone down the teen drama,” Stevie tries to calm Mike down. “All of you are changing and growing up. It’s part of life. You’ve been through enough together for that not to happen, trust me here.”

“I just don’t get it,” Mike says, putting his head down on the table. “She is already a person. She’s El, our mage and superhero, you know. She’s cool. Why is that suddenly not enough? Why does she suddenly has to find herself outside of that?”

“Well,” Stevie says, personally knowing what it’s like to not really know who you are. “I can maybe give you some insight, but you might not like it.”

“Huh?”

Behind them the water boils and Stevie gets up to pour their tea. As she does, she says: “I have some wisdom here. Or at least what I think about her reasoning. If you think you can handle my opinion.”

“Tsk, you’re not wise in any way. Even Nancy has better advice,” Mike rolls his eyes.

“Then why not go to Nance, hotshot,” Stevie shoots back with a raised brow as he sits back down, sliding Mike his tea and taking a sip of his own.

Mike huffs again, then grits out: “Okay, tell me.”

“From what I’m hearing,” Stevie starts, trying to word it carefully. “El to you is who you first met and for her the person you met was very tied to the lab. That’s something she wants to get away from. With Max, she reads magazines and talks about makeup and boys and silly things girls her age talk about. With you she’s Eleven, the girl with superpowers. I can understand that she wants to take a moment to get away from that.”

It’s quiet as Mike processes and Stevie gives him all the time he needs. It’s never fun to hear that the way you treated someone you love in a way that hurt them, especially when you didn’t notice and mean it like that.

“Was I horrible to her?” Mike asks in a soft voice, a crack in the middle.

“No, Mike, you weren’t,” Stevie assures him. “You were there for her in a rough time and you’ve been her biggest supporter. I don’t doubt that you love her.”

The words tip Mike over the edge and Stevie watches with mild horror as tears start to slide down Mike’s face. His shoulders shake and he obviously tries to hide it, but it’s not working. So, Stevie only hesitates for a second, before she moves to the other side of the table and slings an arm around Mike, so that he can hide there and let it all out.

“It hurts,” Mike chokes out. “I love her and hurt her.”

“Oh, Mike, it’s okay,” Stevie says. “Let it out. You both loved each other and I’m sure El hasn’t been completely perfect either. It’s okay for it to hurt. First love always does.”

Mike cries for a little longer, before he manages to calm down. Then he harshly wipes the tears away and threatens: “No one can hear about this.”

“My mouth is sealed,” Stevie promises.

“Good,” Mike says, before he shrugs Stevie’s arm off him.

They sit in silence for a little, then Stevie says: “I know talking about it sucks. Trust me. Whenever I cry, I want to erase it too. But I won’t tell, so if you need a listening ear, I’m here. You can tell me how you’re feeling.”

“I don’t know,” Mike answers. “It’s weird. I wanted to ask you how to win her back, like this is only temporary. Like Max and Lucas. They broke up all the time. But now…”

Stevie lets him gather his thoughts without interrupting. After a moment, Mike continues: “Now I don’t think I should. But I also don’t like not being with her. I- I need her in my life. When I thought she was missing, I thought I was dying. How can I let her go?”

“You have to learn to accept it,” Stevie shrugs, the sad hard truth. “This wasn’t meant to be right now and you have to accept it. If you blame her for it or agonize over it, it’s only going to hurt both of you and drive you apart. She’s still your friend, don’t forget that. It’s hard to get over someone, but you’ll find someone new.”

Mike shoots him a confused look and asks: “You think I should go after Will?”

“Not if he’s a rebound, no,” Stevie says. “And that was not what I meant. Though exploring this other side of you is of course encouraged. I meant that this is not end. First love will always remain with you, but your first breakup isn’t the end.”

“It feels like it,” Mike grouches.

Stevie can’t suppress the smile as she nods: “I’m sure it does. But it isn’t. Why don’t you stay here for a bit and gather yourself. I’ll keep the others away if any of the hooligans you call friends come knocking. How does that sound?”

It looks like it hurts Mike to admit it – the whole going to Stevie for help thing probably hurts the teen – but he grits out: “Good. Thanks.”

“Alright,” Stevie says, getting up and going back to cleaning. He finishes up mopping and putters around as Mike sits and stares at the table. In total he sits there for about half an hour, before he says: “Can I get a lift home?

“Of course,” Stevie smiles, not joking, not today. So, she doesn’t say more and just grabs her keys and lets Mike pick the music.

When they roll up to the Wheeler house Nancy is waiting outside, visibly relieved to see Mike in the passenger seat looking okay. His eyes might be a bit red, but he’s nodding along to music Stevie can’t stand with a big, annoying grin.

“Mike,” she calls out, waving.

Stevie can see a scathing teen reply forming on Mike’s lips, so he cuts him of before he can and sternly says: “Let her worry about you. You deserve the support. Now scram, Wheeler.”

And Stevie is proud to say that Mike looks a bit like a deer in headlights, almost like when he was twelve years old again and just learning what an attitude was. So, Stevie grins and repeats: “Scram, Wheeler,” and laughs as Mike stumbles out of the car. He calls out to Nancy: “Say hi to Jonathan and your mom from me.”

“Thank you, Steve,” she calls back with a wave, before pulling Mike into a hug, who – surprisingly enough – lets her.

After that Stevie drives home, the debacle with Mike temporarily making him forget that she was anxious about the upcoming DnD night. However, he is reminded when tidying up their room, seeing the little figurine look over him.

It’s practically a relief when it’s time to pick up Robin from work so they can eat together. He desperately needs to be distracted and assured that it’s going to be fine right now.

Robin talks his ear off about all sort of things. A few hot girls came in, Keith was no help, she watched a fun movies and is going to force Stevie to watch it next shift, and there were a few rude customers.

Then she nervously rambles about how she still hasn’t gotten a letter from IUPUI, which has the best foreign language program in Indy.

“Rob, your essay was amazing. You still have time,” Stevie assures her, glad to focus on her problems instead of her own. “You’ll get that letter soon.”

“You really think so?” Robin asks. “Because, yeah, a mall fire is more than the average essay writer, but half of it was made up, since, you know, government cover up. What if I forget something I wrote and they think I lied – which I technically did – and I’ll get kicked out?”

“They’re not going to interrogate you,” Stevie rolls his eyes.

“Interrogate me,” Robin snorts, doing her stupid Russian accent that shouldn’t be funny after their run in with the Russians, but it kind of is.

“Yeah, yeah,” Stevie laughs. “I just know that you’re going to do great. Don’t worry about it.”

Robin shakes and repeats: “Don’t worry about it. I can do that. I’m great at not worrying. I just have to erase most of my personality and-”

“Robin,” Stevie scolds before she can spiral again, parking the car. “Relax. You’re going to be fine.”

“I’m sorry,” Robin grimaces. “And thank you.”

“No problem,” Stevie says. “Just try and put it out of your mind. It’s no use worrying about it and it’s important to relax.”

It’s a bit hypocritical of her to say this, but it works. Robin looks more relaxed when she gets out of the car and flounces up to the front door, unlocking it.

“My lady,” Eddie greets, giving her a quick peck on the cheek, knowing hugs aren’t her thing.

She laughs and takes his hand, giving it a kiss as she greets him in turn: “My lord.”

“You’re both dorks,” Stevie tells them as he enters.

“But you love us,” Robin sticks her tongue out.

“Don’t deny it,” Eddie grins, sweeping Stevie up in a hug that makes her giggle.

“I won’t, it was more a statement. A fact, if you will,” he replies. Then asks: “How was your day, Eds? Lot of assholes back for spring break with faulty cars?”

“A few. But it’s not that bad,” Eddie shrugs. “More interesting, did you know El and Mike broke up? Dustin and the band of other dipshits showed up at work today to come tell me.”

“Of course they did,” Stevie snorts, happy to laugh at her friend’s struggles now that the kids can also corner him at work.

“They broke up!” Robin exclaims. “I truly thought they were forever. My faith in love has taken yet another hit.”

“Love is overrated anyway,” Eddie says. “But you don’t seem surprised, princess.”

“Mike showed up asking for advice,” Stevie replies. “Which I will not discuss with either of you, so don’t ask. I know you two are worse than old ladies at church.”

“That’s rude,” Eddie gasps, faux offended.

“And you’re just as bad,” Robin backs him up.

“Yeah, yeah, but seriously,” Steve says. “I made a promise. And it wasn’t that interesting either. The two are going to be friends. It’s not going to be very different, I just won’t have to watch as Mike awkwardly tries to kiss her.”

“Oh god, a mercy for us,” Eddie wrinkles his nose. “I support the kid, it’s not that, but, eugh, awkward teen romance. Fuck no.”

“Touche,” Robin says, as she plops on the couch. “What’s for dinner?”

“We’re making lasagna,” Stevie answers.

“We?” Robin repeats.

“Yes, Robbie, I am learning how to cook, so that I can contribute more to this household than pancakes, eggs and pasta, as more people should do,” Eddie replies.

“Oi, I can make a salad,” Robin replies.

“Throwing lettuce and ranch in a bowl is not a salad,” Stevie tells her.

“Looks like you’ll be on dish washing duty for forever, Robs,” Eddie jeers.

“Maybe I like washing dishes,” Robin counters with a huff, crossing her arms.

“Whatever,” Eddie says, not believing her, before turning back to Stevie, who has been watching them with amusement, egging them on.

The lasagna turns out well and Robin compliments both of them and does the dishes gracefully, ignoring Eddie’s grin. Afterwards they put on the TV and laze around on the couch. At some point Wayne calls that he can’t make this Thursday for their dinner, which Robin is sad about since she could make it this week and she happens to like Wayne.

“Everyone likes Wayne,” Eddie argues and neither can really debate that, so they just agree.

Stevie still placates Robin: “You can come by anyway. Despite not being as great as Wayne, you’re still okay company.”

“You’re a fucking asshole, Stevie,” Robin giggles.

“I try,” Stevie grins back, having grown enough that the comment from Robin doesn’t hurt.

Soon after they go to bed. Both Stevie and Robin have a double shift on Wednesday this week, so they can use the full night. Stevie wakes up at some point, but is quickly lulled by to sleep by the even breathing surrounding her.

Work the next day is okay. Robin indeed forces him to watch that movie she mentioned yesterday. It is some sort of art house movie and Stevie gets exactly none of it, but she seems excited and there is not much better to do, except focus on the upcoming campaign, which only stresses her out. So, she gladly focuses on the stupid movie.

He and Eddie eat left overs that evening and Eddie continues writing the campaign, while Stevie busies himself by calling Madame Tucker to check in.

She’s just telling him about something Brian did for their half year anniversary, which is just adorable. Stevie is so happy for her. She deserves the happiness. When there is an urgent knocking on the door.

Eddie is blasting music on his headphones while working in his room as to give Stevie privacy, so he doesn’t notice the knocking. Stevie has half the mind to ignore it. This is her time and she doesn’t want to deal with whatever nonsense is knocking.

However, Madame Tucker stops mid-sentence to asks: “Is there someone trying to break down your door? Honey, what’s happening?”

“Steve!” Dustin yells and Stevie sighs.

“One of the idiots is knocking. Give me a second to tell them to piss off,” Stevie says, stretching the cord to reach the door.

“Oeff, mama Stevie fighting for her private time,” Madame Tucker laughs.

Stevie also huffs out a small laugh, before tilting the receiver down on his shoulder and throwing open the door. She places her other hand on her hip and raises a brow: “What do you want, Henderson. I’m busy.”

“But Robin isn’t here this evening,” Dustin frowns.

“I have friends outside of Robin,” Stevie protests, faintly hearing Madame Tucker laugh at him.

“Since when?”

“Since always,” Stevie says. “Now spit. Why are you bothering me?”

“I need your help,” Dustin replies. “Please, you’re the only one that can.”

A bit of worry creeps up Stevie’s spine at that and she drops the hand on the hip and softens his tone to ask: “Are you okay? Did something happen?”

“Suzie’s birthday is coming up and I need to mail her something and I have no idea what,” Dustin tells him, soothing her worries and making him roll his eyes at the teen’s dramatics. “You saw with Mike and El that it can all fall apart in moments. I can’t let that happen to me.”

“And this couldn’t have waited until tomorrow, because…?” Stevie sighs.

“Because it’s urgent, Stevie,” Dustin says, emphasizing the name, obviously trying to play into their friendship to guilt Stevie, which is a bit funny, but Stevie isn’t complaining.

“No shops are open right now,” Stevie tells him. “I can help you tomorrow. Before my shift we can go into town and look for something. Right now, I’m talking to my friend and you need to go home, okay? It’s late.”

“But you have to drive me to the city,” Dustin argues. “They don’t have enough here. We can go now and have tomorrow morning. If we rush we might be back before your shift.”

“I’m not driving you to the city,” Stevie rubs her brow tiredly. “You can find enough in Hawkins, trust me. If you need to go to the city, bother Eddie.”

“Eddie’s gay, he doesn’t know what to gift a girl,” Dustin says.

“Then ask Jonathan, he’s free and here,” Stevie says.

“Jonathan and Nancy got together purely by accident, he won’t be any help,” Dustin rolls his eyes, as if Stevie is the stupid one for not realizing that. “And he and Nancy are leaving for Cali tomorrow to go visit Argyle. It has to be you.”

From the receiver, Stevie can vaguely hear Madame Tucker laugh and he knows he’s going to get so much shit from her about this when Dustin finally leaves.

“Well, if you want my help so badly, we’re looking for something tomorrow morning in Hawkins, Henderson,” Stevie puts her foot down. “Now, it’s late, I’m talking to a friend. Go ask Eddie for a ride back home.”

“Whatever, mom,” Dustin scowls, hearing that there won’t be arguing. “Who even is this mystery friend?”

“No one you’ll know,” Stevie answers, not in the mood to make up something other than ‘a drag queen I met in the city, who helped me discover my gender,’ she’s already panicking over DnD night, she doesn’t need that conversation.

“Are you cheating on Robin?” Dustin asks with a disapproving frown.

“I am not cheating,” Stevie snaps. “I swear to god, Henderson. Now stop with the invasive questions and go bother Eddie. He’s in his room, keep your eyes closed unless you want to be spoiled and shake him. He at least knows what privacy means.”

He ushers Dustin down the hall with another look, before holding the receiver to his face again and saying: “Sorry about that. Please continue.”

Madame Tucker just laughs for a full ten seconds without saying anything, before gasping: “I’m so sorry, doll, but that kid. That’s Dustin, right? The nosy one?”

Dustin just comes walking by, so Stevie sends him another look and answers: “Yes, that was indeed Dustin, the nosy one.”

Naturally Dustin guffaws in offense at that, while Eddie laughs, spinning his van keys around his finger as they leave.

After that Madame Tucker can continue her story about Brian. It’s so comforting and nice to know that his friend is happy and that there are queer people living their best life out in the city, much like she, Eddie and Robin are building their life here.

When Eddie has returned and is blocking Stevie out again, he confides: “I’m going to be playing Lady Stevie in our upcoming campaign this Friday.”

“Congratulations,” Madame Tucker says. “That’s a big step.”

“I know, kind of freaking out right now,” Stevie finally acknowledges the anxiety that has been eating him ever since he decided. That slimy feeling inside his throat, the way her heart beats too fast if she thinks about if for too long, and how he feels like he’s about to crawl out of her own skin with what ifs.

“Oh honey, I’m sure Eddie will let you back out if it’s stressing you out that much,” Madame Tucker tells her softly and soothingly.

“Yeah, I know,” Stevie says. “But I don’t want to. I want to play Lady Stevie. I’m looking forward to it. I just also want to skip over to the part where it’s good without having to face the possibility that it can take a moment for it to be good. Or the possibility that it might never be good.”

“That is terrifying,” Madame Tucker agrees. “But I’m so proud of you, honey. You’re taking the steps. You’re doing it. Don’t forget how strong that makes you.”

“I won’t. Thank you,” Stevie says. “I just wish I would stop stressing about it.”

“Then try and get out of your mind for a little bit,” Madame Tucker says.

Stevie makes a thoughtful noise, unable to help how her mind drifts towards doing a scene. It is the best way to get out of his head, he discovered. Maybe it would help. However, she’s doing a scene this Sunday. She can wait a little. So, “I’ll try,” is all he answers.

“Good,” Madame Tucker smiles, before they both say their goodbyes and hang up.

After they’ve done that, Stevie hangs around the kitchen for a bit, making two cups of tea and mulling over what was said.

A scene.

Fuck, that sounds nice right now, honestly. However, it’s almost time for bed and missing sleep won’t help with the anxiety, so tonight is out. Tomorrow Robin is coming and while they have been playing with the idea of telling her soon, canceling on her and then telling her doesn’t sound like the best way to do it. And the day after is DnD night already.

The thought sends another spark of anxiety through her, but she pushes it away. He’s going to have fun and it’s going to be fine. He can de-stress Sunday. Just a few more days.

It’ll be fine.

She finishes up the tea and takes the two mugs to Eddie’s room, which is honestly a very strangely decorated guest room.

Eddie noticed him and takes of his headphones as he smiles: “Good talk?”

“Yeah,” Stevie smiles back. She likes talking with her friends. “Brian took her to the park during the night and they had a picnic in the dark. Isn’t that absolutely adorable?”

“Ahw, that’s nice,” Eddie says and accepts his tea. “Ah, thanks, sweetheart.”

“How’s the campaign coming?” Stevie asks.

“It’s going to be so cool,” Eddie gushes, excitement sparkling in his eyes. “This is one of the best campaigns I’ve written so far. I’m very excited for it. For a moment, I thought it wouldn’t be the best, since I have so little time, but I do well under pressure, it appears.”

“That’s nice,” Stevie says, giving Eddie a fond look. “I’m looking forwards to it.”

“Yeah?” Eddie asks, probably noting the anxious undertone there.

“Yeah,” Stevie assures him. “Just a bit nervous, but that’s to be expected. It’s manageable, don’t worry. If it truly gets too much, I’m changing it to Lord Stevie and no one has to know.”

“Okay,” Eddie says, though not sounding a 100% sure. “Just tell me if there’s something I can do other than backing you against the brats.”

“I will,” Stevie promises.

They drink their tea and get ready for bed as they roll their eyes at Dustin, who apparently interrogated Eddie about the friend Stevie was talking to.

“Nosy little shit,” Stevie mutters as he settles into the bed.

“You’re telling me,” Eddie laughs as he snuggles up behind Stevie.

“Goodnight, Eds.”

“Night, sweetheart.”

Despite his complaints about the kid, Stevie shows up at the Henderson house bright and early the next morning to help the kid find a present to mail to Suzie.

It’s more difficult than Stevie imagined, since Dustin is very picky and judgmental, wanting it to be perfect, and it has to be suitable, so that it won’t get thrown out by Suzie’s deeply religious parents, who already dislike Dustin for not being Mormon.

The only positive is that Dustin knows a lot about her and has forced Will to give him a highly detailed description of her room.

“What about this?” Stevie asks, holding up a cute teddy bear that’s holding a heart.

“No,” Dustin says. “She’s highly intelligent and fifteen years old, okay. She doesn’t need a teddy bear. That’s stupid, geez.”

“Well, fuck me, I guess,” Stevie mutters under his breath and puts the teddy bear down again, before continuing to explore the store.

After a few moments, she asks: “Isn’t there a way to get flowers delivered on that day? You can’t go wrong with flowers.”

“That’s too basic,” Dustin answers. “I want it to be personal.”

“Then what are we doing here?” Stevie says. “We should be at some nerd store or like the hardware store. Didn’t they say they found her installing something on the roof? Do you know if there’s some tools she’s still missing or some shit?”

“And this, is why I invited you,” Dustin exclaims, already booking it out the store.

“You forced me to come,” Stevie yells after him, as she follows, exasperated by Dustin’s dramatics about the whole thing.

As they make their way over to the hardware store, Stevie spots El alongside Max and Erica. He’s glad the three seem to be getting along and pauses to greet them: “Hey there. Where are you three off to?”

“We’re having a post-break up girl day for El,” Max replies.

“That’s sweet,” Stevie smiles. “How are you feeling, El?”

“A bit odd,” El shrugs. “Me and Mike have been together for a long time, so it is weird. But it is also good. We are going to try on fun clothes and shoes at the store until we are kicked out.”

Stevie laughs: “That sounds like a lot of fun.”

“It is,” El smiles back brightly.

“Yeah, and we’re getting ice cream after,” Erica interjects, holding up her hand. “And we had a deal, sailor.”

“God, don’t remind me of that,” Stevie groans, digging around in his pocket for his wallet. “You know, we made that deal when ice cream was still free for us.”

“A deal is a deal,” Erica replies without remorse. “You should have put in a clause, but you didn’t.”

“Steveeee,” Dustin calls. “Hurry up. I want to post it today.”

“We still have time,” Stevie yells back. Then hands Erica the money and softly asks: “Have you been doing okay?”

“I have, don’t worry. I already have one annoying, hovering big brother,” Erica rolls her eyes, but she is obviously pleased by Stevie asking.

Stevie decides to focus on the feeling of being considered family by Erica rather than the brother part and gives her a half hug. “Alright, just asking,” she says. “You girls have fun.”

“We will,” Max grins mischievously. She has discovered that people tend to be awkward around her crutches and that she can get away with more. Stevie is sure she’s going to utilize that for their plans today.

He follows Dustin to the hardware store, where they spend nearly an hour looking for something that Suzie doesn’t already own and would still like. And after that, they spend almost as much time picking the perfect card.

In the end, they take so long that Dustin follows Stevie to work to write the card there so he can ask if the text is okay.

Robin thinks that’s hilarious and sets to re-shelving tapes, then rewinding them to ensure Stevie is trapped at the counter with Dustin.

When Dustin has finished his first draft, he holds up the notepad and asks: “What do you think of this?”

Because Dustin is holding it, the notepad sways slightly, which makes it hard to read. Not to mention that Dustin’s handwriting isn’t the clearest either. So, Stevie squints behind her glasses and tries for a second. However, the letters don’t cooperate and she gives up. “You really want me to read all this?”

“Don’t be a dick, Stevie,” Dustin whines. “This is serious.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, drama queen,” Stevie says. “You just expect me to read your fucking dissertation or something, while I can’t read for shit. Here, give me that.”

He snatches the notepad out of Dustin’s confused hands and tries again. However, her concentration is broken by Dustin asking: “You struggle with reading?”

Stevie gives him a ‘duh’-look, even if she never mentioned it, not wanting it to be a thing. But, the fact that he’s still working retail should have been a give away. Besides, she’s never denied it that much. “Yeah, I do. Those nerd books of yours, far too wordy for me. I’m not working retail because it’s my passion, Henderson.”

Dustin pulls a thinking face that Stevie has learned to distrust, but Dustin surprises him. “You should put a ruler under the lines. It helps Max with her vision being all out of whack and stuff. It can’t hurt to try.”

“Alright.” Stevie doesn’t have much to loose, so he rummages around for a straight piece of paper he can hold under the line. She doesn’t think it will work, but it helps and the reading is a little easier, even if it’s slow.

As she reads, Dustin waits patiently until he’s done, so that she can give genuine feedback on the card that is honestly very romantic and sweet.

“I think it’s really nice, Dustin,” Stevie smiles. “But for spelling you’ll have to ask Robin.”

“Did I hear my name?” Robin comes from the back with re-wound tapes.

“Yes, check the spelling,” Stevie tells her, taking the tapes and trapping her at the counter like she had done to her earlier.

When he gets back, Dustin is carefully copying the fine-tuned text onto the card, before he deems it done. Then he follows Stevie around, theorizing about the new campaign and asking questions about Stevie’s character.

It makes Stevie nervous again.

He’s been ignoring any thoughts about it, which has been working so far. However, this puts her right back on the edge. He doesn’t want to get into his character right now, not in the middle of fucking Family Video.

Dustin notices, of course he does, so he asks more and more, until Stevie practically snaps that she doesn’t want to talk about it right now. Something he immediately feels bad about when Dustin gives her a hurt face.

“It’s just- Well, Eddie mentioned something about working my backstory into the plot,” she bends the truth. “I don’t know what he wants you to know. I didn’t want you to go digging to figure out clues and shit. Sorry.”

“Oh, okay, it’s fine,” Dustin says, a bit quieter than before.

But he doesn’t leave. Robin lets Stevie clock out a little earlier so he and Dustin can drive to the post office, where Stevie pays for shipping to make up for it.

It’s quiet in the car, then Dustin asks: “You still want to play, right? You have a character? It’s okay if you don’t like it, but just say so.”

“No, no, no, it’s not like that,” Stevie says. “I swear, your nerd game is more fun than I thought. I want to continue playing with you all. I’m just a bit stressed. I shouldn’t have snapped like that. You don’t deserve that.”

“Okay, just checking,” Dustin says, his voice brighter and lighter than earlier. “And if it’s a nerd game, then you’re a nerd now too.”

“The horror,” Stevie exclaims dramatically, laughing when Dustin does, glad they made up.

They pick up Robin, who boots Dustin down to the back using girlfriend privileges, which Stevie knows Dustin is bitter about and she is not looking forwards to all the shit she’s going to get when the kid figures out they were never dating. He hopes Dustin will understand. And with how he’s been there for Will, Stevie trusts that he has some ground to stand on there.

Stevie drives Dustin home and the kid talks the whole ride about the campaign tomorrow. Usually, Stevie would love that as background noise, but today it only makes her more anxious and she’s glad when they arrive at the Henderson house.

God, he needs it to be weekend.

There is anxiety thrumming through her veins and she’s quieter than normal. He’s sure Robin picks up on it, but she doesn’t ask, which he is grateful for.

Stevie just needs to relax, try to get out of her own head. Cooking will help. Spending time with Eddie and Robin will help. Tonight will help.

He’s fine.

He’s totally fine.

Just a breath in and a breath out.

~~

A/N:

El is coded as a trans girl and you cannot change my mind, I’m sorry, but I am just factually correct, fight me about it.

I have mixed feelings about Mike x Eleven and Mike x Will. Honestly, I have mixed feelings about Mike and he’s making it really difficult for me this chapter lmao (I curse him while I’m the one who made this story line but shush xp)

Dustin can be a little blunt, but he is a supportive and kind friend and I will stand by that

Also, I wanted a chapter about the kids, just to show that this is a standard. I never really write much of the everyday help with the kids, because it’s not central, however, it does continually happen in the background. I love good babysitter Stevie <33

[destinyc1020]

I mean any man who spends ten years with a woman, doesn’t marry her. And then goes and dates a girl just getting out of her teen years as he enters his 30s is obvi a very emotionally stunted man.

They dated for about 8 (almost 9?) years IIRC... 🤔

Like I've said before, marriage isn't for everyone.... 🤷🏾‍♀️ I already listed some Hollywood couples who have NEVER married, and are well into their 60s by now (some older) and are doing just fine.

I'm not making any excuses, but Austin's mother died due to cancer pretty early into his rlshp with Vanessa, and he's talked before about how he dealt with depression after that ordeal.

I actually think that he still suffers from depression from time to time, even now tbh. This is just based on some things I've heard him say, and things I've picked up about him. Having dealt with depression (and anxiety) myself at certain points in my life...Sometimes you can just sorta sense some things about ppl.

So do I think that he has some emotional things going on sometimes? Oh yea, I def do. He was very interested and was asking Janelle Monae for the number to the Emotional Coach that Janelle uses after Janelle mentioned during the Actors on Actors interview how much it helped Janelle. So yea for sure, I def think Austin goes through some emotional things, and there might be some things he's still not emotionally worked through yet. I mean, that's just life sometimes. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Honestly? I think the V breakup was probably for the best.

Think about it.... V met a younger Austin when he was just about 15/16 years old.... And then 5 years later, they begin to date... Then, not too long into the rlshp, his mom gets sick with cancer and then she dies. 😔 Then, about 2 years later HER (Vanessa's) dad dies.... 🥴 Again, these are all stressful events... 🥺 And keep in mind, he dated V all throughout most of his entire 20s.

If you are having issues in the rlshp, or maybe the two of you have grown into two different ppl, then there's nothing wrong with breaking things off. In fact, that's actually the best thing to do imo. Yes, it's painful, but it's better to let that person go and allow them to find someone else who might be better suited for them, and someone who might be better suited for you as well. 🤷🏾‍♀️

Maybe he knew he wouldn't make a good husband during that time. Maybe he needed to feel like he was really autonomous and stable in his career, and not just V's arm candy. And maybe (just maybe!!) Vanessa was sweet, but just not "the one" for him. That is so shocking I know lol, but it could be the truth? 🤷🏾‍♀️ There are so many things we just don't know that could have been going on in the rlshp. Either way, she seems happy and engaged to Cole now, so in reality, maybe Aus did her a favor! 😄

Re: Kaia....

I've already said ad nauseam on my blog that I'm def not a fan of the age she is compared to him either, but hey, they aren't children. 🤷🏾‍♀️ It's not like he knew her prior.

At this point, what else can fans do but wish them the best and K.I.M.?

I really don't think this rlshp is any endgame rlshp. Seriously.... Y'all they just seem like they're having fun and enjoying a rlshp. Not every rlshp is meant to be FOREVER. If I'm wrong, then I'm wrong! Oh well 🤷🏾‍♀️ I'm only saying that as of rn, I'm not seeing it.

While I'm not too keen on his dating choice atm, at the same time, I honestly think he needed to date more ppl since it seems he hasn't had but one serious adult rlshp in his entire 20s. 😔

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 25/03/2023 (Taylor Swift, Hozier, Lewis Capaldi)

For the 10th week in a row, “Flowers” by Miley Cyrus tops the UK Singles Chart. It may be its last considering Ed’s on the way, but for now, welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

As always, we start with our notable dropouts – songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40 – and we have a pretty varied list this time, as we say farewell to “Snowfall” by Oneheart and reidenshi, “SPIT IN MY FACE!” by ThxSoMch, “Never Gonna Not Dance Again” by P!nk, “Afraid to Feel” by LF SYSTEM and finally, once again, “Someone You Loved” by Lewis bloody Capaldi.

What’s filling the gaps? Well, our list of new arrivals does not seem built to last and “Pointless” by Lewis Capaldi only returns presumably due to the three-song rule at #68, so we may have to look at our notable gains, and for this week we don’t have many, in fact we seem to end up with a lot more losses, which I don’t really cover. Regardless, we do see boosts for “Here” by Tom Grennan at #39, “Can’t Tame Her” by Zara Larsson at #38, “REACT” by Switch Disco featuring Ella Henderson and the late Robert Miles at #32, “Mother” by Meghan Trainor at #27 (kill me), “Whistle” by Jax Jones featuring Calum Scott at #25, “Anti-Hero” by Taylor Swift at #18 thanks to residual Eras Tour hype (more on that later), and finally, “Creepin’” by Metro Boomin and The Weeknd featuring 21 Savage back to #10 thanks to a Diddy remix that prompted an ACR reset; its time back up here is very limited.

This week’s top five on the UK Singles Chart should all be familiar now, but with some notable movement: “People” by Libianca is at #5 alongside its fellow Afrobeats track “Calm Down” by Rema at #4, “Die for You” by The Weeknd is at #3, “Miracle” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding is up to #2 off of the debut, and of course, “Flowers” reigns at the top. And now, without further ado, let’s look through our... interesting batch of new arrivals.

NEW ARRIVALS

#67 – “DEATH” – Melanie Martinez

Produced by CJ Baran and Melanie Martinez

We’re starting with Melanie Martinez, huh? God help us. So this is a somewhat exhausting week overall when it comes to covering the stories behind these songs, and we’ll get more into that as we go on, but there’s no easy D-Block Europe jester here: they’re all out-of-the-ordinary songs and it’s honestly difficult to explain why any of them are charting. This one... well, I guess it’s easy enough. Whilst Martinez has never been much of a chart presence, she’s a big deal amongst a certain brand of Tumblr user that has naturally spread over into TikTok (a demographic that kind of fits a lot of this week’s new entries), so her newest single was probably going to chart in the bottom 50. Thanks to a weak chart, it got into my territory of the top 75 and I’d feel silly asking the rhetorical question of if it’s any good. I’m about as far as you could get from a Melanie Martinez fan, and this song seemingly about the cyclical nature of life and death is ridden with so much Melanie Martinez lore that I, as a non-Melanie Martinez fan, can completely Melanie Martinez ignore. Therefore, what do we have without it? Non-descript vocals coated in Auto-Tune that make the more nasal, childlike inflections even more annoying? A musical theatre set of strings and pianos that takes the most immature and memetic response to grief possible... that is then completely ignored for a set of gross, buzzy synths over complete ass drums that are mixed like a complete mess alongside some disgusting vocal mixing? Great, thanks, I hate it. When 100 gecs released a rock album just last week, what purpose does this serve? I didn’t even like that album, but a half-serious gecs record is much more rewarding of a listen than something as self-serious for no real reason. It’s abrasive, eclectic, sure, but it makes you wait and wait for a chorus that hits at a completely wrong note but it scuffs any remnants of emotional resonance by way of childlike mockery. I don’t care about the lore, or the character, this is awful.

#58 – “Christmas Kids” – Roar

Produced by Owen Evans

So this may need some explanation, or at least as much as I can grant it. Roar is the moniker of Owen Evans, who you may know as having drummed for AJJ (no relation to AJR). This song is from his debut solo effort, I Can’t Handle Change, from all the way back in 2010 and it actually touches upon a subject from even earlier, that being the relationship between Ronnie of the Ronettes, who has sadly died since this song released, and Phil Spector, who has fortunately died since this song release. Spector was a nutjob who tormented Ronnie psychologically, rarely letting her leave the house, and often threatened to kill her. In 1971, as an attempt to save their marriage, Spector brought her two adopted children out of nowhere on Christmas Day, hence the title. Naturally, Owen Evans wrote a song about it, and a bit less naturally, he decided to do it from Phil’s perspective, in the style of a Spector-produced Brill Building track. Oh. Oh, dear. Uh, well, the production is decidedly cheaper than Spector would have had it, and the claps in the chorus just feel like random clips rather than whole-hearted claps, it really hurts the momentum, as does the slogging bridge which I understand is supposed to be creepy but it makes the whole thing seem comical... especially when Evans changes perspective to Ronnie and slows the tempo down. For a song about such a horrible, horrible abusive relationship, it all seems rather gimmicky, and I’m not entirely sure why we’re okay with this.

#52 – “Baby again..” – Fred again.., Skrillex and Four Tet

Produced by Fred again.., Skrillex and Four Tet

It’s a shame that Four Tet finally has a lead credit on a UK charting hit and it’s this glorified remix. “Baby” by Quality Control featuring Lil Baby and DaBaby is a famously repetitive song, mostly just because Lil Baby says “baby” a lot, and it didn’t actually chart in the UK – for which I thank God, since it’s pretty bad. This remix is kind of a cool idea, as Baby definitely fits into the pockets of this house groove but... well, it’s boring as sin, guys. I like all three of these guys as producers, particularly Skrillex, but sometimes too many cooks creates a product way less unique than the sum of its parts, which was true for most of the cuts from those two Skrillex albums earlier this year to be honest. The wonky synths over a bubbly bass function perfectly fine, but it’s not like it’s interesting or really that driving, and there are absolutely no stakes here given that the sample never changes flow or says anything particularly catchy. They just took the “Baby” song where Baby says “baby” a lot, and transposed it onto a bassy house beat – I wouldn’t say it’s unfinished at all, since the minimalism absolutely is the point, yet none of the tricks they pull out feel all that interesting, mostly because having all three producers kind of silences out the unique properties of each DJ. This sounds like something that was improvised at a DJ mix, and with how long its build-up is, I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if it were. That doesn’t make it bad, but it sure doesn’t interest me, especially if by the time we get a climax, the sample is an annoying, badly-mastered vocal clip rather than, you know, the actual hook that has been there for the rest of the track. It just seems like a wasted opportunity.

#41 – “Hell N Back” – Bakar

Produced by Jake the Snake and Beach Noise

Jake the Snake is an awesome producer name. This is a 2019 single from London singer Bakar that got viral on TikTok, and it sounds even older with its vintage guitars and slick whistle over the mellow drums. This particular brand of UK neo-soul was something I at some point was more into years earlier when I was listening to like Tom Misch and Sampha, but I still like this quite a lot. It’s a chill track and Bakar has some delightful charisma, and the references to drugs kind of explain the charming sloppiness in his delivery, and why those horns are so watered-down. Maybe the lyrics need some work – “she had green eyes like Mountain Dew”, really? – but I like the sentiment about capturing the feeling where you’ve been in a bad place, and your partner really caring for you is what makes you get out of that rut, even if that leads to some worrying dependency. It’s not a song I have much to say about, almost by design, but Hell, it’s heads and shoulders above everything else so far, so I’ll endorse this.

#30 – “Set Me Free Pt.2” – Jimin

Produced by GHSTLOOP and Pdogg

BTS member Jimin released his debut solo album – if you can really call it that, it’s 19 minutes – and this was the lead single, serving as a bit of an accidental sequel to bandmate SUGA’s song of the same name, hence the “pt.2”, and, man, I have yet to really be impressed with BTS members’ solo output, bar that one j-hope song with J. Cole a couple weeks back. This single goes for some real intensity with the compressed orchestra and choir vocals alongside alarm synths before exploding into drums that hit hard, sure, but not as well as they could have because of all the fuzz that surround them. Jimin himself is just horrible on this, I’m sorry – he is way too nasal and floaty for this beat, and I don’t believe him for a second when he talks about my “opps”, or reaches into his Adam Levine falsetto on the mind-numbingly repetitive chorus over those plastic horns. The second verse just sounds like a joke, with the comical cartoon inflections and Auto-Tune, but I don’t have a reason not to take this seriously. As a comedy song, it’d be pretty funny if that chorus wasn’t as long, but as a lead solo debut... Jesus Christ, man. Hopefully some of that album is better – it did come out today as of when I’m writing this – but God, this is honestly embarrassing, probably because it’s a lane Jimin shouldn’t be near in the first place.

#24 – “How I’m Feeling Now” – Lewis Capaldi

Produced by Lewis Capaldi and TMS

No, sadly, there’s no relation to the Charli XCX album. This is Capaldi’s third single from that upcoming sophomore effort, and well, damn, he’s finally grown some teeth at least. The entire song is a self-critique about his own mental state, with a sarcastic chorus and biting verses about how unsatisfied he feels with his life despite the fact he has everything. It’s not really connected to a girlfriend either, only vaguely stringing it to a breakup to make it a bit more accessible, I suppose, because this is definitely a famous man blues ballad, and it’s pretty damn great honestly. Sure, it’s minimal and kind of just lets Capaldi sit there amongst the folk guitars, but he’s mostly downplaying the delivery here, even though out of all songs, this one probably deserves the melodrama. The swell in the chorus wherein Capaldi really does start going for it is actually much more bearable than his usual froggy belting. In fact, this is basically an emo-pop song disguising itself as an Ed Sheeran album cut, especially with Capaldi’s delivery, and if you know me well enough, you’d know that compared to Capaldi’s usual fare, that’s right up my alley. Once the strings come in during the bridge, which is seamlessly connected to the chorus through a monosyllabic belt, which is just a cool songwriting trick, it feels really earned and the only percussion at the end of the song sounds like a ticking clock, with the looming fear of his fame’s demise nearing closer and closer. It may be compressed to Hell like all of Capaldi’s stuff, and he doesn’t go into that much detail... but this just hits like a brick and I’m honestly not sure why. Maybe it’s the downplaying of his vocals in the verses, maybe it’s that he finally understand some sense of dynamics, but I’m really bloody impressed with this – it’s an excellent song, and if Capaldi would prefer to look further inward on some of this upcoming album, he may end up with an extra listener. Yeah, I didn’t think I’d even hint towards listening to a Lewis Capaldi album, but this is genuinely fantastic.

#22 – “Eat Your Young” – Hozier

Produced by Bekon, Hozier, Rappy, Pete G and Chakra

Hozier, huh? “Take Me to Church” Hozier? “I’ll worship like a dog”, “I’ll tell you my sins”, etc. Hozier? In the top 40? At this time of year? In this pop climate? Localised entirely within #22? I liked that sophomore album, but I didn’t think he’d chart ever again, especially since his last top 40 hit was “Someone New” in 2015. Well, it was initially promoted in a snippet in February, with lyrics that come off as kind of kinky out of context until the full song gets released and that viral TikTok snippet ends up being based on the third circle of hell – gluttony – from Dante’s Divine Comedy. Just, sure, okay, it’s 2023, there are no rules to getting on the chart. Just be Hozier and make a song based on an epic poem that takes its title from a satirical essay written by Jonathan Swift which sardonically claims that to solve poverty in Ireland, the rich should start eating poor children, sold to them by their parents. The whole song seems to focus on the chauvinism of the British Empire, using the imagery of making a feast, with a sensuality making the lyrics seem not too far from oral sex, in reference to how they treated their colonies which, I mean, Hozier is Irish, it wouldn’t be a surprise. The use of the word “carving”, the entire second half of the chorus referring to war, the way it’s addressed to a woman – the motherland, Britannia if you wish – it’s a reasonable interpretation. On a grander scale, it’s about gluttony, and it sounds fittingly evil. Over perilous strings and soulful drums, Hozier trades his voice between a dusty smoulder and a dusty falsetto that sounds like the high horse this Empire was on. With that said, it does stay somewhat samey outside of the gorgeous piano-led outro, and that sensual villainy may lose its lustre overtime, but that’s implying that this will last on the charts and I have no idea where this is going past its first week. It’s a damn catchy tune, a wonderfully-composed track and a unique historical message for a charting hit, so I wouldn’t mind seeing it last longer and reach further heights, but I also won’t put my trust in it.

#11 – “All of the Girls You Loved Before” – Taylor Swift

Produced by Louis Bell, Ging and Taylor Swift

To celebrate the start of her massive Eras Tour, Taylor released re-recorded versions of three songs – none of which charted – as well as this scrapped track from the Lover era, which had some residual hype after a demo leaked, which she must have caught onto as she released it less than a month later. I have probably ranted on this series before that I don’t like Lover, and honestly this is nothing different for me, especially now that we have Midnights to compare it to: it’s like a more pastel version with way less interesting writing, meaning there’s basically no justification for the clunky inflections or straightforward melodies that just sound mindlessly slapped together on this pink cloud of mist that is an instrumental. The drums are stilted and anything melodic just gravitates into a must of nothingness, and apart from the chorus and bridge, Taylor doesn’t really write like herself either. It’s a worthless leftover love song, Taylor must have thought that initially anyway, and it probably should have remained as such until it found its way on “Taylor’s Version” or some B-side compilation, instead of being forced to single release by a leak. It’s honestly just kind of sad, if anything.

Conclusion

Huh, this was kind of a garbage week, wasn’t it? I mean, Best of the Week is nice and easy, with Lewis Capaldi taking it for “How I’m Feeling Now” and I was torn between the two options for Honourable Mention but I think I’ll actually give it to Bakar for “Hell N Back”. As for the worst... God, it’s like picking the worst out of a rotten bunch, but I honestly think that Roar gets it for “Christmas Kids” for just putting a disgusting taste in my mouth, and whilst I absolutely think a song from the perspective of the abuser is possible, it’s just an icky, misguided effort and honestly pretty terrible song even without the subject matter. Dishonourable Mention is  a toss-up between Jimin for “Set Me Free Pt.2” for just being comical, “DEATH” by Melanie Martinez for being aggravating and honestly, “All of the Girls You’ve Loved Before” by Taylor Swift. I didn’t like the new Jimin or Taylor Swift or Melanie Martinez, and I’m posting this on Tumblr: it’s like I’m tempting fate. Regardless, thank you for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

[scorching-passion]

@breathofthearth​ asked: “I’m the nicest, sweetest, most rage-filled person I know.” 𝐓𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 - ACCEPTING

He’s not entirely sure why babysitting this girl was even a part of a SOLDIER’s regular rotation, in fact, Roche was quite certain he’s being punished for something, though for the life of him he cannot possibly think which instance it could be which he hasn't already been reprimanded for. 

The last Human Resources get together was well over a month prior, and even that was for something relatively minor. 

But here he was regardless, sitting cross legged amidst an expansive and arguably beautiful garden space, and just watching this rather innocuous female pick flowers; surely his skills were best utilised out on the road. Most would argue that he had it relatively easy, but the Third was quite certain that if he concentrated hard enough, he could actually feel his brain liquifying and beginning to slip out of his ears. The boredom had never felt so intense as it did sitting here picking bugs off of his uniform, and wearing an expression vindictive of a hound chewing on a nest of hornets. 

Still, he cannot deny the sheer beauty of this place, a not-so-secret sanctuary nestled in an otherwise cobbled together shanty town beneath the Plate. Roche certainly cannot remember a place like this back when he’d called Sector 6 home - not that he’d ever been granted entry. Though it was as he was beginning to lose himself within the reminiscent fog that he could vaguely hear the girl making her own attempts at conversation, though it would seem that the blond had only caught the very tail-end of whatever it was she was saying. 

Bright eyes would switch back to her then, this Aerith Gainsborough - Gainsborough… it sounded so very familiar; wasn’t that the name of the old hag who tended to chase the boys from the path leading up to that vast house he could spy from this vantage point? So out of place here in the slums. Roche made it a point in that instance to keep mum about that one time he’d felt it a great idea to splatter old tomato’s along the gravel paving the way up to this place… Boy had he gotten in some serious trouble for that stunt… 

Instead, he takes the opportunity to simply lean back in the grass, propped up via the elbows and squinting with only subtle disbelief through a single eye at this pretty little thing informing him of her sweet nature, and supposed rage. Okay… and the water here didn’t stink of rotten eggs either. Then again, Roche was not one to judge a book by its cover. 

“I’m afraid I’m going to need proof~” was all he said then, yet certainly not without a devilish smile only accentuating the deep mischievous glint to his eye.

[omnivorousshipper]

Did I ever tell you guys about the time my student jumped out the window?

Ok, so I wasn't actually in the classroom when it happened

I had to do a lot of state testing, so I had to beg and plead to have a substitute cover my one class that I taught solo. I luckily got one that day

I had never seen the sub before (and haven't since), but he seemed super chill. I liked his vibe, especially since he had some really cool snake bit piercings

So, I set everything up and introduce him to all the kiddos. I give a fair warning that I didn't expect any teaching to actually be done and for him to just keep them from killing each other (you think I'm joking but I've had to break up a few fights)

Putting my faith into the sub, I leave and run up three flights of stairs to give the state test to the older kids

I don't get back to my classroom for 3 hours

When I enter, nothing was out of the ordinary. I go about my day and go to the lunch room to check on a few kids and get my tablets back from the kiddos.

That's when my student M stops me. I can instantly tell she wants to tattle

"J pushed your fan out the window!"

I'm confused but not upset. I'd personally knocked one of my fans out the same window. And I didn't think the kid did it on purpose since he and I had a good relationship.

But she keeps going:

"A jumped out the window to get it!"

Now I'm really concerned and hope she's exaggerating. My classroom is on the first floor (thank goodness) and faced a little empty plot of land. I mainly teach 6th graders, so 11-12. All the kids are pretty athletic so I'm not too worried about anyone getting hurt

So I ask her if she's joking

She's not

At this point, my stress was already through the roof with state testing and I can't deal with this.

Luckily, all 6th grade was at lunch and I go to the kid who knocked the fan out the window

J admits that it was an accident and that A very much went out the window

I go to A.

Now, A is a very sweet boy. He means really well but there's a bit of a disconnect when it comes to certain rules.

A had just moved to the US and spoke/understood little English. Several teachers had to get after him for running in the halls and roughhousing too much. He didn't always realize what he was doing was going against school rules so I kept this in mind when talking to him

"A, did you go out the window?"

He nods at me

I thank him for grabbing my fan but tell him not to do it again. I'm able to explain that it's dangerous and he understands.

The next day, I'm back in class with all the kiddos and clarify the story with everyone.

The whole class agrees with me that jumping out the window is dangerous and could get them in serious trouble, but I had to ask.

"What did the sub do? Why didn't he stop A?"

L and O say the sub did nothing.

I chalk it up to him freezing and unable to stop A before he did it.

Then, I ask:

"Why didn't anyone think of using the door?"

There is literally an exit door a few feet from my classroom. Staff constantly uses, even having students open it for them. There's no alarm or anything on it.

The kiddos don't have an answer to this.

All in all, I wasn't upset. My fan wasn't broken, the kids were safe, no harm no foul.

But, I never saw the substitute again.

I really want to know what he was feeling and thinking when A went out the window. Because if I was in his position, I'd be freaking the fuck out