#she said she liked my phone case

[deeva-arud]

Thought you've seen the last of Cateeva? I hope not! because at some point in my hiatus I thought about them in their first year

[eightyfours]

someone who is way better with words than me. please talk about carmen

[bobbyfloyd]

so a crisis happened this morning, and my cousin who i’m very close to had a health scare that seemed pretty serious. i abruptly announced that i was going on hiatus from here. i thought for sure i’d be offline for the rest of the week because of the situation. it turned out to be a false alarm! everything appears to be okay, things should be going back to their regularly scheduled programming, unless life throws another curveball at me 🤫

[butchsailor]

My butch is SO HOT she sends me selfies and I go PHWOAR and have heart palpitations

[dahyun]

my selfies with dosie and swan lol

[pikslasrce]

pussy so androgynous it causes a major fandom schism approximately 194 times a month

[chaelinsbitch]

.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

why does everything have to be a hecking issue with my sister

[ndjams]

father ruining shit for me once again. i been on medicaid for the last almost 5 years but just recently got cut off. i have top surgery in THREE DAYS and my plan was to not get insurance until after bc im having it at a not for profit hospital i was gonna get on an out of pocket payment plan w them then file to have the medical debt erased but my mother in law ran into my father yesterday and said he has had me on his private insurance (for 5 years ?? and ive never used it ????) and one of the few times i ever said anything to him was in 2021 (twenty twenty ONE) i told him dude take me off ur health insurance its fucking w my medicaid (i couldnt get T for like 6 months) and he was like okay when open enrollment starts or whatever ill take u off. what the fuck im so unbelievably pissed. MIL also said he seemed like he was on meth or very drunk so. they met at aa so as u can imagine this was very jarring for her jtfo.

[saturnsuv]

“cuffing your jeans is bisexual” “all bisexuals have clear phone cases” “this is the bisexual hairstyle” i am going to kill you with hammers. violently

[weldnas]

miss youuuu my favourite capricorn how are you?? 🥺

Hiiii Habibi!! I miss you more <3333

I just got home from work an hour ago, but I did have 2h of my last shift off so I can watch the game (Morocco vs Peru) and it was more stressful than my actual job!!?? But I live. How are you???

[malkaviian]

i have a headache but also i dont want to go to sleep just yet dkjnfjds i want me-time

(warning: as i was writing the tags of this post this turned into another kinda-heavy rant about the situation my group of friends and i are. so keep that in mind)

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

@catchuuu @staryukis

butch gojo again

[thepandalion]

just had to pause mid reading a fic because a character assumed another character's age (as in, assuming they're a kid. which I mean. canonically 14 at the time I guess?) and like. as a person who has that happen to me. I would not allow that to continue to be a conversation

[itsalwaysdark]

oh and vitamins get me too how am i supposed to know what i need to be having and if rhey do anything at all. i suppose i go to a dr and see what im proficient in i am supposed to schedule a checkup they sent me a whole letter abt it and there was a number to find a pcp but im nervous about finding a doctor idk why. i just get worried about umm. well i get worried about badically everything in my life but in relation to drs i guess i just get nervous about well the transgender and also the umm. mental and also i get worried theyll be mad at me that i havent been to a dr in ages and that i dont take good care of myself i feel like drs r never understanding i remember back when i had a psych i tried to be like So if i miss a dose of these meds because im like 14 and you are not medicating my attention issues is it a Wait until the next dose situation or is it a take it as soon as i remember situation and he was like Well just dont forget to take your meds. Okay. well see i would also like not to do that. did you notice i said proficient up there insread of deficient. i didnt until just now. im editing this post to add this comment. proficient. did it make you mad that i did a word wrong. im sorry .... im just really really good at um. vitamin b. or something. i was gonna make a penis joke but it felt a bit gouche. it didnt rly i just rly love saying that things Felt a bit gouche. one of my favorite things to say rn

[dear-ao3]

so. as you may know it’s christmas eve. as you probably don’t know i am eastern european. and probably the only real tradition anyone holds onto is christmas eve. normally my great aunt does all the food and very begrudgingly sometimes lets everyone help make like. one thing.

well.

this year. the year of our lord two thousand and twenty four. she decided she was done cooking and it was up to everyone else.

so i got a phone call from my mom a few weeks ago being like hey so. you’re making the cake. got it? good.

the cake in question is a walnut cake. i was entrusted with my great aunts recipe about seven years ago. i’ve made it twice. the first time i fucked up the frosting quantity. the second time i fucked up the eggs. both times were passable at best and notably! my great aunt did not taste either of them.

and i have to make this cake. on christmas eve. it is dessert. for everyone. my extended family will all be eating the cake. the walnut cake. on christmas eve. even my great aunt.

so yesterday, december 23 if you are counting, i went on the annual Last Minute Christmas Food Shopping Trip with my father, watched him climb into the case to get his half and half like he does every year, and stressed about my cake as i made sure i had all of the ingredients.

then. we went to my great aunts house. where i was met with Trial Number 1: The Cognac

this cake has cognac in the frosting. not a big deal really. except for the fact that my mom hates that there is cognac in the frosting. (my mom is hell bent on making christmas eve dinner vaguely healthier. no one else agrees.) and i was to be making the cake in my moms house.

also important to note: we (as in my parents) do not own cognac. mostly because none of us drink.

so my great aunt is like oh i have to give you the cognac. cause she knows. i am baking the cake. the walnut cake. (my dad told her. he is a traitor). and i say okay. sure. this won’t be a problem at all.

so she gives me. a shot of cognac. and when i say a shot. i mean an Entirely Full Shot Glass of Three Hundred Dollar Cognac. in a jar. for the cake. the walnut cake. that i have to make.

upon bringing the cognac home my mom says no we’re not putting that in. the cognac sits on the counter in its jar. no one touches it.

then i was met with Trial Number 2: The Frosting.

this recipe requires a pound of chopped walnuts. first. i couldn’t even find the walnuts. my sister and i searched high and low and in every cabinet we could find but no nuts. i called my mom. and said mom where are the walnuts? and she said. “they’re in the nut bag behind the basement door.”

oh of course. how could i have missed the nut bag? a holiday bag full of bags of nuts that was half hidden by wrapping paper and also behind a door?

in any case. could i have used a food processor? absolutely. did i? no. half because i forgot and half because i didn’t want to accidentally grind the walnuts into a paste. so i enlisted the help of my younger sister to chop the walnuts By Hand while i embarked on the real devil: the frosting.

which remember. is supposed to have cognac.

so i cream my butter. i add my sugar. i’m careful not to over sugar. i taste it a million times. i add my coffee and my vanilla extract (instead of cognac. which is still sitting on the counter) and it was all going so well until. the butter rebelled.

now remember. one time when i made this. seven years ago. i made too little frosting. so i made more this time. and i thought i had all my conversions right but evidently i did not because suddenly there was too much liquid in my frosting and it split.

the frosting for the walnut cake that everyone was going to eat. on christmas eve. the very next day.

i felt like a contestant on great british bake-off getting smited by the tent.

so i did the logical thing and shoved the whole mess into the fridge hoping that it would sort itself out overnight.

then it was time to face Trial Number Three: The Cake Itself.

as i have said this cake is a walnut cake. the christmas eve walnut cake that has been at christmas eve longer than i have been alive. and it requires no less than ten egg whites. which i whipped and i added to my walnuts and shoved the whole thing into the oven in my two baking dishes.

only to discover no less than 40 minutes later that the batter in the pans was Not Even (despite my best efforts). so i cooked one longer than the other and hoped that i hadn’t monumentally fucked up the walnut cake. like i had the frosting. which was in the fridge. and i was ignoring.

which leads to Trial Number Four: The Egg Yolk Cake

see i had ten egg yolks. i didn’t know what to do with them. my mom said flush them. my dad said make a custard. i proposed making egg nog. my mom said she didn’t want it in the house cause it was too fattening (a blatantly incorrect statement. please, if you are reading this, go drink a glass of eggnog. or some other fun festive drink. food is for the soul.) so i produced a recipe for an egg yolk pound cake. i made it. i still don’t know if it came out good cause i haven’t tasted it. i hope it did. but that was not the point. the point is the walnut cake. the christmas eve walnut cake.

and the following morning i was met with Trial Number Five: The Frosting Part 2

first i threw my failed frosting back in the mixer and it immediately secreted a brackish combination of vanilla extract and coffee so i did the only thing i could. facetimed my dad and said “father there are problems abound.” and he gave me the fatherly advice of “make it again.”

and so i did.

with more correct measurements. still scared it would split at any second.

though it didn’t.

and i didn’t add the cognac.

maybe no one will be able to tell???

my mom said that if anyone asks the first batch of frosting failed and i had to toss it. this is technically true.

but i had frosting. i had two uneven cakes. and it was time for Trial Number Six: Decorating

decorating cakes is easily in my top ten least favorite activities. decorating the christmas eve walnut cake is easily in my top three least favorite activities. because i am terrible at decorating cakes. and also because it has a filling.

the filling is jam. and i once again made the wrong choice because i put the jam on first before the frosting. which to be fair is what the directions say. but as everyone knows, the directions in recipes you get from your eastern european great aunt are not the real directions. so now i had to smear butter cream. on top of jam. for the filling of the walnut cake. for christmas eve. that we would be eating in a few hours.

and we didn’t have a cake plate. we had a large dish.

i had to use my fingers. i had to use three spatulas. i got jam everywhere. but i did it. and as soon as i set the top cake on top of the filling i realized my monumental mistake: i was supposed to trim down the cakes.

so now they were uneven. and lopsided. and there was nothing i, a mere mortal tasked with the impossible task of making christmas eve walnut cake, could do about it.

so i continued to spread my frosting. which i had enough of. and tried and failed to not get jam everywhere.

in the end it was almost presentable. not great. slightly lopsided. and definitely not as nice as any of my great aunts cakes.

which left me with Trial Number 7: Chilling It

our fridge was being taken up by other important christmas eve things (though not as important as my cake. the walnut cake) so i had to put it in the car. which was fine because there is snow on the ground.

i covered my cake. the walnut cake. in tin foil and hoped i wouldn’t accidentally squish it. and then i went outside. i tried to steal my moms shoes to walk outside. she was not impressed.

“you know, saph,” she said. “some of the time you’re pretty great. the other half of the time you’re really weird.”

i could not agree more.

i put my cake on the trunk. prayed to the cake gods and went inside.

on the one hand if the cake is good, i will be stuck making walnut cake for christmas eve for the rest of my life. on the other hand, if it sucks i will never have to make another one.

Trial Number Eight: The Tasting still waits.