#she really opens up about how she felt in the beginning phase of her solo career
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putschki1969 · 2 years ago
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Uta-Net Lyric Essay Part 1
In commemoration of the release of her 3rd original studio album “Sono Saki e”, Wakana has been invited to write three lyric essays for the song column of “Uta-Net”. Part 1 has already been posted. You can read the essay on the website. There’s also an audio recording provided, be sure to check it out!
Hello everyone. Nice to meet you, I'm Wakana. This is the first time I am allowed to write a lyric essay like this. I would be happy if you could learn a little more about myself and the music I make. First of all, let me tell you about the trajectory of my music career. For 10 years until 2018, I was active in a group called Kalafina, and after that, I started my solo activities. Since then it's already been 4 years. At the time of my solo debut, there were so many things I had never experienced, everything felt new and quite exciting but there were also many days when I felt incredibly uneasy and overwhelmed because I had reached a point where I was very unfamiliar with the territory. All my past experiences, everything I had seen and done up until that point, it should have made me stronger and able to deal with those new challenges but for some reason, I was unable to fall back on any of those skills so I couldn't make the most of them. Adding to these worries, life threw yet another curve ball when the 2020 pandemic happened. All of that really made me reflect carefully on myself and my capabilities.
Yes, I thought a lot about singing and asked myself all sorts of questions. Why am I so obsessed with the act of singing? Why does it feel like I have hit rock-bottom even though I love singing so much? What type of music can I be satisfied with? What kind of singing voice can I be happy with? Personally speaking, when I listen to someone's music, I am very intrigued by their "voice". How did they develop this singing voice? How is it even possible to express such things with a singing voice? How can such techniques be implemented? Surely, there must have been a lot of trial and error before finding that particular “voice”. The more I think about these things, the more I am fascinated by the voice of an artist. And it makes me want to learn more about my own voice. When the state of emergency was declared, I just kept singing at home, practicing the tracks from my 2nd album "magic moment" which had just been released at that time, and all my thoughts going to the concerts which ultimately never happened. It’s always up to yourself to decide where your limits are. There is no point to life when you just end up being focused on the things you can't do. I want to be someone who always strives to become a better version of myself.
It's been 3 years since I’ve dealt with such thoughts. All of this has led to the completion of my 3rd album "Sono Saki e". "Butterfly Dream", the first track of this album, is a song I would not have been able to sing three years ago. The melody is hopeful and light but at times, it conceals a lonely disquiet. Back then I would have been uncomfortable singing about a mixture of hope and frustration when it so obviously reflected the upheaval in my own heart. People shine brightest when they can turn their fears and anxieties into aspirations. So when I first received the demo tape for this song, I turned the feelings encompassed in the melody into a yearning. And then I wrote the lyrics to reflect said feelings. It’s a cute and fantastical story which actually hides a small fear. I wanted this message to be used for the beginning of the album.
What do you want most right now? I would like to continue pursuing music while staying true to my aspirations and repeatedly asking myself what I want in regard to singing. I will never forget about my past self who was overwhelmed and crying, I believe it is important to carry those memories with me. 
All right, I will end the first part of my lyric essay here. Until next time.
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lgcxmimi · 3 months ago
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NOW PLAYING: Neva Play by Megan Thee Stallion(ft RM of BTS) SOLO- DITL | TRAINEE MISSION wc: 532 emi does a day in the life and shows what she does!
emi knows she's a trainee, but even with the strict schedule, the promises of working on, and the classes they had to take, she liked to make sure her routine wasn't too strict that it felt like nothing interesting was going on. so for her day in the life, she really wanted to make sure it was the best that it could be, from the very moment she opened her eyes until her head hit the pillow once again.
calming music starts in the beginning, an instrumental of a sunbaenim's song, as she does first things first; she always makes her bed(truly, she is happy she's senior enough to have the only single bed), and quietly does a stretching routine while making sure not to wake anyone up before she's heading into the next phase of getting ready. it only takes a moment to put on the kettle, and while she's waiting for the infamous high-pitched whistle(an almost 100% sign that emi had finally risen from her slumber, there's a brief 'getting ready routine'. she clips up hair that is probably in need of a trim, still as dark as ever, before she's moving to brush her teeth, wash her face, and even do a little bit of skincare, before she's moving like an expert-- a snap later and she's in her attire for the day. it's nothing unusual from her traditional outfits except for a pop of color-- a pair of dark sweat cargo pants and a cropped henley that's red to match red and white sambas, along with her hair in a high ponytail.
breakfast is like clockwork-- the kettle only whistles for less than a second before she's picking it up, pouring it into her signature mug with a tea bag and the faintest hint of honey. her breakfast is simple, tomato and egg, along with rice, while she journals in her planner, a notebook that happens to go with her everywhere, and then, she's packing a bag with ease and heading to her first classes of the day.
she lets people make their various cameos-- zoe, of course, along with maylin and taeha make brief appears as she goes about her day. she meets with some of her radio crew while having lunch, and even passes by seyoon for a brief hello in it all. in between that of course, is perhaps a side of emi that's a little less seen-- hair put up by a chopstick as she goes over performances for fam con, as well making sure to keep up with english. it's a collage of her personality meshing with everything as well, clips cut in a way that shows how she thinks about it all. there's actually, a rare direct speaking to the camera, preferring to write out captions about what was happening in a cute font, or even let her face do all the talking. when the day is finally done, she's moving to eat dinner, having a special treat of sushi before she's stretching once more, having a much needed shower and hair routine, and waving to the camera before the lights-- and the camera-- go dark and she flops into bed.
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rumblelibrary · 3 years ago
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Can I have something super soft and sweet with Andrea? I need some content from my cottagecore husband. You can decide whatever you want to do with it!
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The Perfect Day [Andrea Marowski x fem!Reader]
Word count: 2.3k
Warnings: fluff
A/N: thank you for making me write this lifesaver <3
The soft chirping of the birds woke you up. You stirred lightly, a smile coming across your lips as you felt the soft lavender scent over your young husband skin. You slept holding hands, your forehead against his chest as your eyes got used to the bright light outside the window.
The soft cotton sheets clung around your naked bodies along with some heavier quilted duvet, legs tangled as he breathed slowly still deep into his slumber.
You observed him into his simplest nature, he looked so much younger when asleep, his features perfect as kissed by the gentle morning light.
You slowly moved your hand away, he frowned but with time you mastered the art of leaving the bed without awakening him. He huffed, face buried into the pillows as he rolled onto his stomach covering the warm spot you left. Your hand gently onto his soft hair caressing them away from his face. The time seemed to be something unknown to you.
After adjusting the covers over his shoulder you shivered into your nakedness, your hands grasping onto your white nightdress pulling it over you to cover your frame before adding up a burgundy cardigan belonging to Andrea to protect you against the goosebumps your body suffered for leaving the warm comfort of his presence.
You stepped into the kitchen quietly, breathing in the soft smell of a new day. Your hands went immediately to unveil the dough that was covered by a cloth and you left to raise during the night, it was now ready to be baked and you’ll have your warm bread for the day. Andrea spent the day before picking up the mature fruits from your trees, so it was easy to wash them and cut them while you put on the pot for your morning tea.
You hummed softly a song that Andrea was rehearsing with his violin for few days, now helplessly stuck with you, your hands unveiling the pie you prepared the day before cutting some slices.
Before anything else you moved away going to your garden standing barefoot onto the cold stone of the steps, you hugged yourself enjoying the view before slipping on some comfortable shoes and settling the table. The summer day was amazing and the morning breeze made the heat unnoticeable. A white table cloth with fresh flowers and then your started going back and forth from the kitchen to the garden bringing dishes and plates
You blinked surprised as little Anthony, the 14 years old son of the local baker, passed by with his bike waving at you. He blushed as you just looked so calm and relaxed.
“Got the mail and the newspaper Mrs Marowski” he said as he hopped off his bike to hand it to you. You picked one of the peaches you got into a basket nearby handing it to him I return “Thank you Anthony, have a good day”
He smiled and nodded vehemently as he rushed off back to his duties.
You looked down onto the mails: an invite to a concert in London, something from your parents, something in polish coming from Andrea’s family and a voluminous yellow envelope that was coming from Andrea's favourite music shop in London and by the weight you could tell it was some new music sheets. Also a note from your seamstress telling you that the new winter coats need the last fittings.
You were about to check the first page of the newspaper as a loud meowing made you jump.
Andrea was standing in front of you, soft khaki pants with a loose white shirt, your cat draped onto him, a beautiful grey British short hair who was staring at you.
“Did Laszlo woke you up?”
“Did you doubt it?” Andrea asked with a chuckle as he leaned closer to you, a kiss resting onto your lips as the cat jumped off his arm.
“I hate to wake up on an empty bed, even if your table setting is the best” he assured as he smiled at you tangling you into another kiss.
“Mh, the tea” you just reminded yourself as he chuckled 
“One more, one more” he begged between chuckles stealing another kiss before letting you go inside and he proceeded to give the annoying boss of your cat the food he deserved and demanded.
He sat on the chair enjoying the soft breeze as you brought a small tray with the tea to complete the set up.
He hummed softly opening the package coming from London gleefully as he admired his new music sheets.
“Your presence is required to see a new concert, I think they want to show off to have you as solo violin” you said showing him the invitation while sitting with him. He admired you, he stared at you with a soft smile “I will have to hear my agent first” he said as he meant you. You always had a good gut feelings and often kept him from taking random impulsive decisions.
“There’s something from your family too” you added and he smirked 
“You read it first” he said as he was helping you with polish and you sighed softly using one of your butter knives to open the letter. His hand quickly went to your cookies taking one happy bite as he still stared at the music on paper.
His eyes darting up only to look at you focused onto the paper scribbled by his parents and you nodded explaining to him a letter that was mostly about every day updates
“This word” you signalled as he leaned in lightly in to read it as there was only one point you didn’t seem to grasp not even by the words before or after it.
He chuckled loudly almost chocking onto the crumbles covering his mouth with the back of his hand.
“What?”
You asked as he blushed deeply.
“Oh no, they hated my knit work? Is it that?”
He shook his head as you frowned at him waving that letter expecting an answer before your mind went onto the worried train of thoughts.
“It means” he licked his lips, eyes shining “It means pregnancy, not literally it is a more discreet way to say it, more like expecting something, but they mean that, my mum wants to know when she can call herself grandmother”
You blushed deeply as you looked down, you are such a young couple and you’re actually enjoying this phase, now it is not like every little delay of your period didn’t make your heart do the backflips, but to be asked so directly felt weird.
“Don’t worry about it, she means it in a good way, they adore you and they keep saying how you brought some sense into me”
He smiled taking your hand gently kissing the back of it.
“We have Laszlo for now it is more than enough” he joked to light you up and you giggled “Indeed” you said as you looked around finding the cat running after some butterflies. Andrea always complained that Laszlo hated him, Laszlo was your cat even before the polish man came into your life, but truth to be told they were best buddies: the cat would always check where he was and Andrea was the first to always feed him.
“I was thinking we could go to town today, I promised Ursula to play for her tea party with some friends coming all the way from Edinburgh and maybe we can go past the bookshop and buy some flour and whatever else. I could plant some pumpkin seeds, I love your velvety pumpkin cream for autumn”
You smiled as he really can’t wait for the colder season even if that meant to see you more dressed and clothed he also loved to nuzzle with you in front of the fire.
“Agreed” you said and he smiled proudly as you handed him the letter from your family and he sighed softly but proceeded to read it like you did with his.
He was way better at English, but mostly spoken English, he still hated to read and you picked books for him too even if he always puppy eyed you into reading for him.
He read quietly the letter as you ate some pie. He frowned lightly as he spelled out loud some words, sometimes he did it to learn the difference from a word that he knows and how it was written.
When you both drank your tea and he finally indulged into the local news he hushed you to get dressed “You take the longest to get ready, I’ll clean up” he said winking at you making you huff and roll your eyes playfully.
So you did, you went to wash yourself and braided your hair into an updo hairstyle, a light white dressy shirt and a long pleaded skirt for you as you also prepared the clothes for him.
As you redid your bed and he walked inside after clearing up the kitchen you couldn’t help but adore him into his little routines, the way he shaved and got prepared, the way he wore the clothes you figured out for him with happy delight. He loved how you looked after him, he felt loved, the small attentions like that one put him at rest, he relaxed and he felt babied and he loved it.
He picked the case of his violin handing it to you using it to pull you closer and steal another kiss. You chuckled as he leaned in to kiss you again, and again, and once more.
“Andrea” you whispered as he chuckled softly kissing you once again, he smelled so good, his skin soft and perfumed thanks to his aftershave oil.
How could you resist him?
“Two minutes” you whispered leaning back down the violin over your vanity to be able to wrap your arms around his neck letting out a soft yelp as he fell over you on the bed.
Useless to say that it wasn’t two minutes and not even twenty, your trembling legs around him and the way you guided him to give you just what you wanted from him always drove him crazy.
After a short nap you really had to begin to get going, he helped you to dress up slowly zipping up your skirt and you had a new rush of pleasure just by buttoning up his shirt covering his chest peppered with hickeys.
You locked the house and he pulled out his black bike putting the violin box in the basket on the front along with your white one “I prefer when we go with one” he complained but you chuckled “yes, but if we buy few things we will have to go by walking” you made him notice and he sighed nodding.
He waited for you as you pedalled your way to the town centre, he was swaying in front of you and you raced a bit against each other until the stone bridge that welcomed you there.
“See you at Ursula’s” you said and he nodded leaning in to kiss you one more time, he indulged into that kiss a littlest as he opened his eyes slowly, a smile playing over his lips.
“My wife” he said, sometimes he repeated it like he had to remind himself. You chuckled as you kissed his cheek and you go parted.
You knew Ursula liked to pared Andrea off, you let her do it, she came with time to like you, she saw how much good you did to Andrea, how much balance you gave to him, his behaviour was stable, he settled down.
You stopped to the local grocery store taking up some spices, some cinnamon in particular as you knew how much Andrea loved it on sweets, few little cooking and baking items you missed and then off to the bookstore.
“Hello hello” you said as the old man there greeted you “The books you ordered arrived” he said as he moved his shaky legs into the back of the shop bringing you the easy books in polish you ordered to practice some reading. You smiled looking at them as Andrea gave you the titles of books that made his youth and also few new ones for him. You added to that stock a new cooking book and few novels for Andrea and his English. The old man was the sweetest, he kept the booster open no matter the weather and politics and he always made sure to find anything you might be looking for.
He helped you tie all your buyings together onto the bike so after paying you just pushed it walking through the town, just enjoying a good time around giving yourself time until you made it to Ursula’s home.
Well, you called Ursula’s but Janet as always there even if her presence was always quieter you teamed up with her most of the time letting Ursula enjoy her time with Andrea.
You smiled stopping in your track as you heard the soft sound of the violin, you closed your eyes breathing in, like you could enjoy the music through the air.
You adjusted your dress and smiling to yourself, the moment sinking in slowly.
Your husband, your life, the idea of coming back home together, cuddle on the couch, listen to his words, having his honey eyes on you.
A natural smiled appeared on your lips.
After few moments you decided to keep going, you pulled your bike  letting it rest against the fence, Janet appearing at the doorstep to welcome you in.
Your perfect day.
Tagged @cazzyimagines @lieutenantn @handmaiden-of-mischief @thesunflowersutra @zemomybeloved @fictionlandslanddreams@charistory @greeneyedblondie44 @apparrio @hb8301 @whatawildone @rhymerhymerhyme  @thehuiabird @lilith-blackrose @unbeatablecurlgirl @obsidianlaszlo @alindeluce @zemosimp05 @baronesszemo-blackwood @nocapesdahling @everythingbeginsineternity-blog
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junicai · 4 years ago
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Relationship with SuperM
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➣ BAEKHYUN ☾ baekaria
before being thrown into a supergroup together, aria and baekhyun hadn’t really spoken 
they’d seen each other around the building, and aria was an avid supporter of exo so of course she knew who he was but she wasn’t expecting him to know who she was 
so when aria walked into the practice room and was greeted by baekhyun waving her over and calling her name
sue her if she was a little stunned 
their relationship was a little stilted at the beginning
between the age gap, and baekhyun not having a girl member in a group before, it took a few weeks for the two of them to figure out their dynamic and where they fit around each other 
eventually though
they settled into a pretty comfortable situation
baekhyun tries to put her at ease as much as possible 
there is 8 years in the difference, but you’d swear that its less than half 
although he’s playful and generous with the teasing like he is to other members 
he’s careful to avoid certain topics when it comes to aria, just out of respect for her and not wanting to make her feel uncomfortable
this came to fruition after kai unknowingly made a small comment on how aria “must have been hungry”, considering how fast she was eating
baekhyun knew he didn’t mean anything by it, but he watched aria slowly put down her chopsticks and reach for the bottle of water beside her instead
he didn’t see her eat for the rest of the evening
did kai get in trouble? no but he did get hit lightly over the head
when aria does something cool - like a spin or a trick - baekhyun is the first to say “that’s my child. i raised her, look how well i taught her” 
ten: “heY-”
tldr: although they’re not the closest, aria’s slowly grown more comfortable around him, and he’s looking out for her all the time 
FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.
200829 Knowing Brothers: when baekhyun brought up the members of superm all showering together to get closer quickly, heechul quickly pounced on aria - the girl slowly moving to put her head in her hands. 
“and where was aria during all of this? don’t tell me you brought her to?”
baekhyun: “well of course we did-” 
aria: “NO I STAYED OUTSIDE HE’S A LIAR DON’T LISTEN TO HIM!”
*cue baekhyun laughing his ass off*
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➣ TAEMIN ☾ arimin
aria thought she was going to die
there was absolutely no plausible reason that she should be in a group with The Taemin
he was highkey the reason why she had even accepted her position in sm at the very beginning of her training
this man convinced a fifteen year old to give up the sport she’d been doing her entire life 
his impact  (*¯ ³¯*)♡
please stand by while aria tosses herself off a bridge
she was So Formal at the beginning
he honestly was the member she took the longest time to warm up to - because she had idolized him for so long
will still refer to him as taemin-ssi occasionally, but now its less a formality and more of a tease
this boy was shook when he found out how young aria was - mark and lucas he can deal with because at least they’re 1999, but aria....
“2000??? 2000?” 
he said :O
despite their rocky start, they’re quite comfortable around each other, especially after spending a few nights rooming together over the tour
does aria still look for his validation in a lot of her work? yes, but she’s more open about asking for it now then she would have been 
taemin definitely doesn’t have a favourite kid and it’s definitely not aria no why would you think that
aria really out here collecting parents like pokémon 
gotta catch em all~
he looks out for her a lot during their schedules, mainly because he knows what its like to be the youngest in a group and how it can feel a little like you don’t really have a place there
so he always makes sure to include her where possible 
FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.
sitting in a circle in a waiting room while mark toy-ed around with the guitar in his lap, aria sat curled in the corner, humming lightly to herself as taemin sang softly along with mark playing “view”.
quietly, she began to sing soft backing harmonies along with taemin, her eyes still attached to her phone in her hands.
when she felt the device being tugged out of her hands and her being pulled upright by another hand on her arm, she looked up to see taemin smiling brightly, still singing 
cue the impromptu concert of a lifetime: with god tier vocals
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➣ KAI ☾ kairia
so, they met
and kai just kinda went: mine.
and that was that really 
its like a puppy refusing to give up its favourite chew toy 
“nooo but its my turn to room with aria :(”
never really did the whole awkward, getting to know each other phase? 
not that aria had any real say in it
but jongin point blank refused to engage in small talk with her
so they ended up spending their nights on the superm tour talking about stuff ranging from why the sky is blue to why aria stopped ice skating
she started crying and he did not handle it well, bless him
although he’s super chill and fun to be around
he’s also the only non-nct member that seriously scolds her 
when he found her in a practice room lying on the ground (she was Resting, thank you very much) at three in the morning, he dragged her out without a word and brought her back to her dorms in silence 
aria knew he was mad at her, but she thought it was because he had to borderline carry her four blocks down to the nct dorms 
“no you idiot, im angry because you thought that instead of coming to one of us for help with the bits you’re struggling with, you figured hey. let’s pass out instead.” 
he’s so affectionate with her
you know how lucas and kai have Intense Brothers Energy
well aria has that, little sister vibe that makes kai want to wrap her in a blanket and carry her everywhere
she’d hate that, if he tried that she’d scream (he did try that, this is coming from past experience)
FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.
kai chucking aria like a cannon ball into the pool during the filming of mtopia when she refused his hugs.
“oppa, oppa no im sorry ill give you all the hugs you want, oppa, JONGIN-OPPA NO NO NO NO -”
*sploosh*
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➣ TAEYONG ☾ ariyong
taeyong took one look at aria the first time she showed up for group practice and immediately adopted her (not literally but he would if he could)
eomma meets highly protective brother meets life coach type beat?
so so soft for her its sickening 
says he doesn’t have favourites and will then spend an hour cooking for aria because she’s been in the studio the whole day and he knows she hasn’t eaten yet
when aria was given a duet to do for the sm stages, she had to pick another member to do it with and her first choice was taeyong 
she always has said that taeyong is one of the pillars keeping her upright and sane - without him she wasn’t sure if she would have been able to complete her training 
because of all the schedules they share together, if aria isn’t rooming with mark then she’s definitely rooming with taeyong
whenever she does his makeup (more often than you’d think) she point blank refuses to cover his scar, even when he asks her to do so
“please? i don’t like it.” “*gasp* how dare you.”
sleepy aria! snuggling into taeyong’s shoulder when a schedule ran late!
he gets uncomfy when the stylists put her in too revealing clothes, and has spoken to them on numerous occasions about dressing her in age-appropriate attire, no matter how “sexy” the concept might be
he keeps little bags of sugar-dusted strawberry sweets in his bag incase she forgets to eat and feels faint after the last time (they used to be blueberry flavoured but he heard donghyuck throwing out any and all “blueberry-contaminated” food one evening)
taeyong doesn’t tolerate hate towards aria, especially in person, so he always makes sure to sit down the line from her so that he can see when people skip her intentionally 
FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT. 
taeyong had just been awarded the single bedroom on the last night of the mtopia series, and was staring off into the corner looking rather uncomfortable. aria, who was meant to be rooming with baekhyun, looked over and saw his mouth curled downwards slightly. 
“baekhyun-oppa, is it ok if i room with taeyongie-oppa tonight? i ran out of my tablets, and he has some in his bag..”
baekhyun looked down at her with a small smile and agreed, while the edited captions on the video appeared with the words, “a cute maknae asking to room with a younger member..”
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➣ TEN ☾ tenaria
Whipped™
so so gone for her its upsetting actually
yangyang and aria share the position of his baby
except aria willingly accepts the title while yangyang would rather fling himself from a rooftop
ten’s instagram is half his cats, half miyazu aria
he posts her dancing practice on his story a lot, with a variety of captions ranging from “thats my baby  ♡( ◡‿◡ )” to “yah that’s not right…(눈_눈)”
such an enabler for her bad ideas
aria wants to go shopping at 4am? ten agrees, now they’re sitting by han river eating ice cream
pls he’s gonna get her in so much trouble one day
when they walk together, ten likes to take her hand and put it in his pocket
its under the pretense of not wanting her to get lost
he just wants to hold her hand
yes he has lost her in a shopping mall, and NO it wasn’t his fault
ten always complains that they never have schedules together and he misses his baby
“we have superm-” “I NEVER SEE YOUUUU (ノಥ益ಥ)ノ”
if they’re in the same room ten is either watching her out of the corner of his eye, or is actually wrapped around her like a boa constrictor
hugs n kithes all around
only he is allowed make fun of her mistakes in dancing
anyone else gets deaded. he will fight for her honor how dare you insult his baby
sm give these ttwo a dancing duo video pls
FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.
the first and only time aria and ten had a duet was during their last concert on superm’s first world tour. during the second half of ten’s solo performance, aria emerged from the left side of the stage, coming to join him in the centre stage. no one had ever seen aria as serious as she was then, both herself and ten becoming completely different people in the moment. midway through, aria spun with her back to ten and leaped backwards into the air - eyes closed - completely trusting ten to be where she needed him to be to catch her.
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➣ LUCAS ☾ arihei
besties
please they’re so cute together - tol child next to tini child she barely comes up to his chest :(
bear hugs
he just swamps her in his arms, and when he doesn’t feel like being bent over he picks her up
complains that she’s too heavy but then immediately after will throw her around like a softball
someone tell this man to be careful with her she’s not a barbie doll
singular braincell energy
don’t get it wrong, they’re both super smart
so it’s just - being smort together, but then nearly dying because neither of them remembered that you couldn’t eat raw cookie dough when there are eggs in it
she adores how he’s so confident in the things that he does - like convincing the entire nct fandom that he was fluent in english? king behaviour
so aria looks up to him (literally) but also because she wants to have that confidence some day
lucas says they’re not close and then aria pouts and he takes it all back
nczennies made a 14 minute compilation titled “lucas melting like a popsicle in australia for aria”
and literally what the title tells you, this man goes :(( when he sees her
lucas was actually the person to convince her to go ahead with the [redacted] proposal - and reminded her that it was too good an opportunity to pass up just because she felt like she was outgrowing the boys
he’s so proud of her
and she’s so proud of him
they’re so proud of each other and it makes nczennies want to cry because they never are seen together
sm stop separating the platonic soulmates first markhyuck and now arihei smh
FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.
during a photoshoot, aria was standing off to the side of the boys, dressed in white suit to contrast the boys’ black ones. the photographer was calling out to her to get her to move closer, but she couldn’t hear him from so far away, and so lucas (who was on the end) just walked over to her, gripped her by the biceps and lifted her vertically and to the left a little bit. 
“luc-LUCAS?”
“you had to move :)”
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➣ MARK ☾ mari
½ of the best friend crew
honestly at the beginning, mark and aria weren’t very close, having only really seen each other in passing or with johnny
but after being dropped into training together the two quickly became fast friends, and now they’re borderline inseparable
you thought you knew pain? watch aria’s reaction to mark’s graduation from dream :)
mark’s the reason why aria felt confident enough to pitch some of her lyric ideas to the team, after staying up until 4am to help her make some edits so she was as confident as possible
kinda just, rests his head on her shoulder? and wraps his arms around her waist when he’s tired
mari being confused in foreigner: ???
aria said once in a vlive that she finds mark really comforting to be around - when she feels stressed or worried about something she’ll go to mark’s room and just sit on his bed for a while
aria is so close with his parents - “ahh, how’s my favourite child” “i’m doing great mom.” “no not you, how’s aria?” “wh-hu-MOM?”
you’d swear sometimes mark is younger than her, considering the pout he puts on and how much he whines when they’re not on the same team together for promotions
mark big protecc boi but also little small cuddly boi
they’re so soft for each other ( ╥ω╥ )
in one of the fancams for mark’s solo stage during superm, someone zoomed into aria singing along with him in the wings and dancing to herself with the Proudest Smile™
he’s! so! proud! of! her! constantly! she could be walking and he’d be like “omg get it”
when aria refuses to get up and make herself food (this happens way too often, she just gets into the groove of her work and doesn’t want to move) mark gets her to by threatening to do it himself
consistently caught by czennies just standing behind her and holding her hand in crowded areas - airports, waiting rooms, etc.
FAN FAVOURITE MOMENT.
mark and aria were standing off to one side as the mc explained the rules of the game they were about to be playing. mark looked totally confused, and elbowed aria in her side before looking down and mouthing “what?” to her. aria opened her mouth, before closing it and looking down at the ground, muttering to herself, “결합… 結合….. le chéile…. le… le.. oh oh - combined! we have to put them together, markie.”
and thus, a new confusion meme was born
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okskz · 4 years ago
Text
Showterview.
Elsy + Jessi
elsy appears on jessi’s showterview
hope you guys enjoy! please feel free to leave some feedback because it is always appreciated!
italics = english
[8th Member of Got7/Soloist]
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“Today we are here at the PNation building.” Jessi smiled as she spoke through her mic. She was reading off from her cards. “Someone we are going to meet is in rehearsals, but we are going to be interrupting. I’m sure this person won’t mind.” She let out a laugh, looking straight at the camera. “Let’s go!”
Jessi, plus the camera crew were now standing in front of the door of the dancing room. Giving it a few knocks, Jessi had opened the door, revealing Elsy in the middle of the room.
Elsy had stopped her movements, laughing once seeing Jessi. “Hello, hello.” She said, going in to hug Jessi. The two have met already, even before Elsy had joined the company, but now they saw each other a lot more often.
“Have you heard of my show called Showterview?” Jessi asked Elsy, the girl nodding in response. “Okay, well today you are our special guest.” Jessi grinned.
“Should I be nervous?” Elsy chuckled a bit. She knew Jessi had no filter, which Elsy had no mind with. She felt like she could really be herself around Jessi.
“No, girl. No.” Jessi flipped her hair back. “Who do you think I am?” Everyone, even the camera crew began laughing.
They now sat on two tall, directors chairs to begin the small interview. Elsy having her leg crossed over the other as she listened to Jessi. “Okay, okay.” Jessi began, reading her cards. “Elsy is one of the newest members of PNation after leaving your other company. What made you choose this company, out of all the other companies there is out there?”
Jessi paused for a moment. “I’m not saying this is a bad company!” She laughed out loud. “Sorry, Psy. I’m very thankful to be here.”
Elsy was laughing too before going in the answer Jessi’s question. “Many companies were reaching out to me but it was Psy that kept like pushing for me to join his company. Like he made an effort of continuing to reach out for me to join. He saw my potential as a solo artist, because you know me being in a group for the past few years of my life, it was going to be different and he mentioned saying I needed to show my true color and he wanted to be the one to help me.”
“We even got together one day before I signed and we just communicated about everything, he saw that I would fit great into the company. You know, he didn’t see me as someone who had just left a company and needed to find something rightaway. He saw me as someone who was taking a new step in my career which I really respected. And just talking to him, I felt at ease and felt like I could do a lot and find myself as a person too by joining.” Elsy finished.
“Yeah, I see that too. You’re very different now as a solo artist, but in a good way of course.” Jessi said. “When I first met you it was through Jackson, and you were more filtered about everything. But as time went on you showed me your true self and you kind of remind me of me just a bit.” Jessi laughed with Elsy joining in. “Now, I see that you are more open minded about a lot of things. Which is why I think we get a long so well.”
“Honestly, I feel more free.” Elsy said. “And I feel like I can truly be myself without having to worry about anything. I’m always telling myself I did the right decision.” She smiled.
“I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen you so serious.” Jessi put down her cards. “Everyone, I know the real Elsy. She is the complete opposite of this.”
Elsy couldn’t help but laugh some more as Jessi spoke about her. She was right, when Elsy and Jessi were together it was never anything serious and they would constantly joke around. They got closer than ever.
“She has become very unfiltered since joining this company.”
“No, no! Not true.” Elsy let out a laugh
“Where did you learn English?”
“Growing up, I went to an international school. But honestly I am much for comfortable talking in Korean than English. I just like saying small phrases.” Elsy answered. “Or I only speak it when needing to, like when I was in America for tour and what not.”
Jessi took a look at her cards, looking back up with a smirk on her face as she looked at Elsy. “Ah ha! Even I want to know this. What is your ideal type?”
Elsy coughed up a small snort, letting out a laugh after as well. “Next question please.”
“Nah, nah, nah! You have to answer!”
“No!” Elsy exclaimed. “I don’t really have a type, honestly. If I like you then I like you. Just have to be respectful towards me. And you know, love me for me.” She answered honestly.
“Mm, yes. That’s always good when looking into a person. Can’t change for anyone.”
Elsy nodded her head, agreeing with Jessi as the girl got comfortable in her seat again. She looked down at her cards then back at Elsy. “You live alone right?” Elsy nodded again as an answer. “How was the transition of living with nothing but guys to living alone?”
Elsy was about to answer until Jessi interrupted. “Wait, wait. How was it like living with nothing but guys? That’s what I wanna know first. Did you have privacy?”
The girl let out a small chuckle. “To be honest. It wasn’t that bad. At first it was a little awkward but I got used to it really quick and all of the members were very open with me. They were still themselves.”
“When you say open, do you mean they openly walked around naked?”
Elsy laughed super hard at the question, going forward. “Not exactly what I meant but there was times that did happen.” She chuckled. “But I was definitely not phased by it- I feel like I shouldn’t be talking about this. Such a TMI.”
“It’s okay, girl. In this show we live for TMI’s. Well I do.”
Towards the end of the interview, the two girls were now standing in the middle of the dance room, learning each other’s choreographies to their songs. They had started off with Jessi’s, Elsy already getting it down quickly.
“Be more sexy, Elsy. I know you can!” Jessi exclaimed. The music began and they began to start dancing to Jessi’s song.
Moving on the Elsy’s, Jessi had gotten the choreography rightaway. “Now in mine you gotta act tough, kind of like a boss bitch- op.” Elsy went to cover her mouth from her choice of word. “Are we allowed to curse on here?”
Jessi laughed. “Yes, it’s okay. I need to act like a boss bitch? Easy.”
Jessi had done with smoothly until she added her own flavor to it, causing Elsy to laugh and grab her arm. “That’s not how you do it!”
“Yeah, but this is Jessi’s way.” She said looking at the camera. “And that is a wrap, thank you guys for watching! I had a lot of fun with my good friend, Elsy. Is there anything you would like to say?”
“I also had fun today, so thank you for having me. Please invite me for next time, maybe.” Elsy smiled. “And as for everyone, thank you for supporting me on my solo debut and I can’t wait to come back.”
“See you next time, bye!” The two girls waved goodbye, ending the interview.
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lonelypond · 3 years ago
Text
BETWEEN US
NicoMaki, Love Live, 3.6K, 1/1
Summary: Nishikino Maki and Yazawa Nico have many challenges ahead, but they get through them together.
Between Us
Is this what love is? Not a fire that bites painfully but two people laying so close to feel every breath, hands nearly touching, eyes on the brilliant stars opening themselves up suddenly, sure enough to share truths they speak into the night, this solitary space, this private moment between them.
Nishikino Maki spoke first, always the more impatient, curious about Yazawa Nico’s state of mind. “What do you want to do, Nico-chan?”
“Nico wants to show everyone that little and cute can be strong, sexy smart, talented, funny, hard working, successful….I’m tired of how the world treats cute girls like Nico. Nico is a star.” Nico flung her arms out, to encompass the sky. “They should be in awe.”
I am, Maki said to herself, and then thought, why not say it out loud. This was all new, why not be bolder.
“I am.”
Nico squeezed Maki’s hand, a reward for honesty. “What do you want to do, Maki-chan?”
No one said Maki’s name like Nico. It had been Maki’s anchor through the continuing craziness of Muse, Eli’s taskmaster torture, qualifying, Honoka’s collapse, then starting over, right as they discovered these new feelings, a gift from all they’d been through.
“I want to use the Nishikino fortune for new things, good things, to stop propping up out dated ways and awful people. I want to find new ways to help…” Maki was a person of specifics and she had a list. “Girls, gays, empaths, people fighting bigotry, neurodivergents, water protectors,” Maki thought of Rin and giggled, “furries, us, our friends, the world.”
“Maki-chan will do great things.”
“Once I’m 30.”
Nico Yazawa considered. This was so new and 14 years from now, when Maki was a doctor and her trust vested, seemed as distant as the nearest star Nico could see. But Nico knew naming goals was the first step to achieving them, even if it seemed a wild fantasy.
“Nico will be there.” Not flashy, just quiet determination.
Nico heard Maki gulp. She was probably tearing up and couldn’t speak. Nico didn’t really expect her too. Sharing was such a new trust. But Maki’s hand carefully kept precise palm to palm contact with Nico’s. That said everything.
“Marry Nico.”
Maki sighed. “No one can know.”
“Okay.”
YAZAWA NICO FINISHES FIRST INTERNATIONAL TOUR WITH SPRING SPLASH IN HONOLULU
NISHIKINO MAKI BEGINS RONIN YEAR SOLO WORLD TOUR SURFING IN MAUI
Sunrise. Quiet beach. Her own choices. Is this what contentment felt like, Maki wondered. Finally, moments of quiet to listen for the important things. Leaning against her duffle and board, dressed in a striped rash guard, bright lavender board shorts, and a faded denim “You Are On Native Land” cap, Maki stretched, watching the horizon as a lone speck appeared in the distance, jogging toward her, not actually growing much as the distance closed, Maki thought with a private grin. Nico, running in an oversized hoodie and bikini bottom, gasped dramatically, reaching a hand for the water bottle Maki held out as a lure.
“Still running 5Ks every morning?”
“10K when I don’t have a concert or rehearsal. Nico is a boss.”
“Umi would be proud.”
Nico dropped and did ten fast pushups in the sand next to Maki, “Not if Nico told her it was only to make girls swoon.”
“Girls?” Maki arched an eyebrow, hand sweeping through her hair.
“Girl.”
“Fiancee.”
Nico laughed, rolling toward Maki, pulling her down into a playful, sandy kiss. “Ready to upgrade to trophy wife?”
“Yes.”
But there was no hurry that morning. Both had put their other lives on multiple 15 plus hour flights and fallen briefly off the grid to sit side by side on this hidden beach, the tide surging, a rare treasured morning to share.
“Went to the symphony last night. Monica Mancini sang, Henry Mancini’s daughter,” Nico hummed the Pink Panther theme, “Nice voice, more your thing than Nico’s though. She sang a lot of Johnny Mercer. And some new stuff. Nico was taking notes.”
“You’re great on stage Nico-chan, but I guess you can always learn from other performers.”
“Nico is learning songwriting.”
Maki pushed against Nico, “Going to try to get me to put Nico Nico Ni to music again.”
Nico’s mood turned serious, “I miss watching you play.”
“I miss playing.”
“When Nico gets her penthouse, there will be a baby grand.” Nico let her hand settle on Maki’s, “Working with a portable keyboard now. And Umi’s giving me advice, so many books...I’m so busy reading, there’s no time to party.”
“Good.”
“Hey, do you have any plans tomorrow night?”
Nico stared at Maki for a moment, but there was only earnestness in the amethyst staring back, “Not since you got here.”
“I’ve been talking with some of the elders, volunteering on Maui, learning about healing plants, and aloha ‘āina.”
“What’s that?”
“It’s really cool. I’m going to get Papa to invite some of the teachers and doctors I’ve met to give seminars for us. Aloha ‘āina means so many things, but it’s mostly being determined to take care of each other by taking care of the land. It’s very land based and tradition based, here in Hawai’i,” Maki picked up a handful of sand, “but it’s caring and not soft...exactly...when you meet Kai, he’ll explain it better. We’ve been invited for dinner, his uncle plays the ohe hano ihu.”
“What’s that?”
“ A nose flute, not for big concerts, more personal...Kai says his uncle has so many stories about it being used in courting rituals.”
“Is Maki-chan taking notes?”
“Maybe.” Ah, Maki’s sexy, best musician in the world grin. Nico missed that one a lot on the road. A killer cute band was no replacement for the brilliant, lovely pianist who’d so boldly wrapped Nico’s heart in music.
They were in the teasing phase now. “Do you have to keep courting a cute girl after marriage?”
Maki shoved into Nico again, “Well, duh…”
Joint laughter, rolling out to meet the tide.
“We’re getting married.” Maki said quietly.
“Just need to take our passports to pick up the license and go to the shrine. We filled out everything else online.” Nico glanced at her bare legs, “And Nico brought a kimono. Although Maki-chan looks sporty cute just like she is.”
Maki had a far off look, not paying much attention to Nico. Happy to wait ‘til Maki drifted back to the beach, Nico was going to enjoy memorizing her favorite scenery, Maki’s beautifully expressive face, now relaxed and open, thoughts waves and clouds in constant motion. Nico knew the solitude here allowed Maki to relax, there was no family pressure, their phones were off, nothing on either of their schedules for at least the rest of the week. A rare moment to sit with each other, sharing this beauty.
NISHIKINO REAL ESTATE GROUP BUYS LARGE LUXURY TOWER NEAR NISHIKINO MEDICAL CENTER
SUPERSTAR REFUSES TO GIVE UP PENTHOUSE APARTMENT TO NISHIKINO HEIR
Fast food. School girls lingering from Otonokizaka. Two people shoved into the booth furthest from the door and windows, sitting on the same bench, hip to hip, back to the rest of the room.
“So many memories in this place.” Nico unwrapped her burger.
“So many french fries.” Maki dipped a sample french fry in her chocolate milkshake.
“Another meal Nico paid for. You got rich not paying for food.”
“Hey! You were too proud to let me pay.”
“Nico is still too proud.” Nico tapped her fingers on the table. This late afternoon, for this clandestine meeting, they’d allowed themselves the indulgence of wearing their braided gold and platinum wedding band, Maki added the simple diamond Nico had bought her for their engagement.
“Is this going to work? Us actually living this close together without rumors starting?” Maki had been worrying. So many comments in the press and on social media.
“Everyone already has us at war. Nico’s a selfish poser, Maki’s a spoiled brat. Enemies to lovers.”
“Not funny, Nico-chan.”
“Nico will throw a huge party before I leave on my next tour. My new landlord will threaten very publically to throw me out of the building. Everything will flare up, but Maki-chan will continue to do boring future doctor things and by the time Nico gets back, all anyone will be talking about is Nico’s new album.”
“They’re not boring future doctor things.”
“No, they’re smart, saving the world future doctor things and Nico is so proud.” A quick kiss on Maki’s palm.
“Meanwhile…”
“Meanwhile, Umi and Eli install a secret hatch above the decorative staircase centerpiece of your expensively designed main room.”
“I’m going to miss you, Nico-chan.” Sadness.
Time to change the mood. Nico dipped a french fry in her strawberry shake and fed it to Maki. “How’s studying going?”
Maki leaned, chin in hand, frowny. “I could be more motivated.”
“So B?”
“A minus.”
“Nerd.”
“ ‘s dull." Maki said, chewing slowly. "But have to stay on track with the family benchmarks.”
“Yeah.” Nico decided to talk about happier things, “ooohh, did I tell you Eli’s setting up a foundation for Nico as her graduation project. We’ve already donated tickets to queer youth groups in every city on the tour and Nozomi’s setting up mentor programs.”
“Expect a large anonymous donation.”
“Expect a large not so anonymous thank you.”
“I’m just proud that you’re doing things to actually help people. I want to do more.”
“You’re studying to be a doctor, Maki-chan. That’s hard. Nico’s got it easy. All Nico has to do is” Nico went into her signature gesture, “Nico Nico Ni and everything gets brighter.” Nico suddenly remembered she shouldn’t have let her catch phrase out full voice during what was supposed to be a secret meeting, but this was a low traffic period so no one seemed to notice.
“I couldn’t get that out of my head, the first time I saw you do it. It was annoying.”
“But you loved Nico.” Nico snuggled closer, enjoying a chance to feel Maki next to her.
“But I loved Nico, all of Nico, the bold, brash, terrible liar, the kind, caring sister, the determined ally and friend, the hard working and talented performer.”
“Nico wasn’t a liar, Nico was an optimist.”
“Private chef,” Maki cough giggled.
Nico grabbed the french fries as Maki reached for another one, “Confiscated for cheekiness.”
“Give me those.” Maki grabbed, Nico dodged, french fries flew loose and they giggled their way through the next few minutes until Nico leaned forward to whisper in Maki’s ear.
“So are your parents still in New York City?”
Gulping, suddenly completely flustered, Maki nodded.
Nico bounced up, offering a gallant hand, “Nico will walk you home.”
“Fancy.”
“Only the best for Mrs. Yazawa.”
“That would be Mrs. Nishikino.”
“We’ll wrestle. Nico will win.”
“Optimist.”
Nico’s hand on Maki’s waist was a gentle guide into the autumn night, two hats pulled down, two collars pulled up, Nico in a mask to protect her voice. “Wait and see.”
Maki leaned into Nico. This night, unlike too many others recently, felt just right.
HEAD OF THE NISHIKINO MEDICAL GROUP COLLAPSES, HOSPITALIZED
NICO NI NEW YEAR’S CHARITY CONCERT SELLS OUT IN MINUTES
Nico had never been so sick. She’d lost count of the medicines she was taking to sleep at night, and then the additional ones added to get her through tonight’s concert. Then she could rest. Go to her Mama’s house and get babied for a bit. Maki had been so sad at Christmas, with too many family obligations to fly to Los Angeles. Nico had gotten through their Christmas Eve quick chat and then collapsed, barely moving until yesterday’s rehearsal, which wiped her out.
Pounding on her hotel room door. What the hell? Phone pinged, the Maki-tone.
“Open your door, Nico--chan.” Maki sounded angry. Was she pounding? Nico felt even fuzzier, slumping to the door, opening it to fall against a tall, angry Maki, beanie over her hair, sunglasses, and a mask.
“Nico-chan?” Now Maki’s voice sounded tearful.
“Hi, Mrs. Yazawa.” Nico croaked out, hoping to make Maki at least giggle.
Strong arms swept her up, Maki striding across the room, putting Nico gently down on the bed, Maki immediately examining every bottle by Nico’s bedside, “What kind of quack put you on all this?”
“Don’t know.”
“Don’t know? You don’t know.”
“Trainer found ‘em…recommended.”
“You should be in a hospital.” Maki’s voice broke.
“Concert, charity, millions. Nico Nico Ni.” Nico had no idea if what she was saying made sense.
“Cancel. Refund. I’ll make a bigger donation.”
“Nico is a trooper.”
“Nico is a zombie. What the hell kind of irresponsible moron gave you all this?” Maki crashed all the bottles to the floor. “Did they inject you with anything?”
“It’s LA, Maki-chan, the beautiful people never stop.” Nico coughed. It hurt like 50 Umi arrows to the chest, “Nico is a beautiful people.”
“Nico-chan…” Maki was kneeling next to the bed, desperation and weariness lining her face. She’d never travelled well, Nico realized.
Nico managed to flip so she was on her side, managing to smile at Maki, “Hey pretty girl.”
“I am going to sue that quack into despair and destitution.”
Nico blinked, suddenly aware that Maki should be in Tokyo. “Why are you here, Maki-chan?.”
“Hanayo heard a rumor…”
“Did anyone see you?”
“I don’t care.” Maki’s head dropped to the bed, “Papa collapsed...and you’re like this and hiding it from me…and letting some greedy idiot try to kill you...if anything happens to you, Nico-chan…” And the tears, Nico could feel them as she reached for Maki, hot, heavy, rolling off pale cheeks.
“Nico will be fine.”
Maki shook her head.
“Look at me, Maki-chan.”
Maki raised her head. Her eyes were bright. She was always so bright, so caring, her native prickliness a fortification against all the emotions Maki didn’t know how to process.
“I will be fine.”
Maki surged up, her arms drawing in Nico, whose heart was really not rested enough for tackled into bed by the redhead of her dreams. “Maki-chan, you’re going to hug Nico to death.”
“Don’t say that.” Maki’s arm twitched for a minute like she was going to shove Nico away, but then Nico found herself pressed as closely as she’d ever been against a clothed Maki, which would have been amazing if she could breathe. So Nico let a cough out and Maki loosened her hold.
“Let Nico sleep.”
“Okay. But I’m not going anywhere.”
Nico had closed her eyes, muttering, “...love you.”
“I love you too, Nico-chan.”
A-RISE STEPS IN AT LAST MINUTE FOR NICO NI
NISHIKINO MAKI CHECKING OUT STANFORD RESEARCH FACILITIES, POSSIBLE PARTNERSHIP
Nico is officially spoiled. Another morning waking up to Maki curled up by her side...She’d shipped everyone else back to Japan, tour over, a solid break until Nico’s doctor cleared her for rehearsal. Nico sat up, teasing tumbles of red hair, Maki had been very clear that Nico had to clear the steroids out of her system first. But at least Maki hadn’t banned other forms of exercise.
“I’m not asleep, Nico-chan.” Maki mumbled, sounding totally still asleep.
“Thanks for coming to rescue Nico.”
“Don’t make me do it again. I might have to go back to school.”
“I thought you were joining the Board Of Directors ahead of schedule?”
Maki opened her eyes, stretching, “Order pancakes. And bacon. And orange juice. And muffins.”
“Brunch in bed.”
“I’m not leaving until I have to.”
Nico reached down to kiss Maki’s forehead, “It’s been nice having you here.”
“Then come home.”
“Nico is working on it.”
Maki raised an eyebrow. Nico sounded excited. “Is there something I don’t know about?”
“It was supposed to be your Christmas surprise, but Nico’s agent was still negotiating.”
What could Nico’s agent be negotiating that would be a Christmas surprise for Maki?
“I’m going be the main character in a TV drama, based in Tokyo.”
“Really?”
“Really. I didn’t get to be there when your Dad ended up in the hospital and I’m so sorry…I knew you needed me, but...this is our life...” Maki nodded as Nico gestured at the hotel suite, continuing, “And I knew you were going to be super busy with family stuff so I pitched an idea and two production companies jumped on board. Nico is taking a paycut and ownership, but all you’ll have to do is come upstairs and Nico will be right there, at least for six months.”
“Nico-chan…” Maki sat up.
Nico put her arm and pulled Maki in, Maki dropping her head to Nico’s shoulder, “We get through the tough stuff together, Maki-chan. We always have. I love you.”
“Love you.” Maki was falling asleep again. Nico would add coffee to their brunch order. Maki had to be awake enough to sneak out and catch a plane.
YAZAWA NICO TO STAR IN DOCTOR SMILE
DOCTOR NISHIKINO MAKI TAKES OVER FAMILY MEDICAL PRACTICE
If she didn’t have Nico, Maki would probably just live with a grand piano, a huge bathtub, and a couch to eat take out on, Nico thought as she sank into lavender scented steaming water.
“It’s not funny, Rin. And I don’t need weekly updates about who Nico’s kissing on the show.” Maki sounded aggravated. Nico giggled. She’d come home early from a weekend meet the fans event and snuck into Maki’s luxury tub to recover. Candles were lit, Idol music popping.
“Wait a minute, Rin. I think…” Maki’s steps sounded hasty and she was suddenly in the door of the bathroom.
Nico winked. “Hi Maki!”
Maki made a grumbly noise and turned sideways, “No, I’m okay, Rin. There’s just a surprise in my bathtub…” Maki glanced at Nico, “Rin says hi. And you have to stop using my cases, Nico-chan.”
“Did Rin say that? And who says Nico does?”
Maki glared, “Where do you even get your information?”
Nico raised a finger to her lips and winked.
“And that red wig. It’s awful. People think you’re making fun of me.” Maki listened to her phone. “Shut up, Rin.” And the phone went in her coat pocket.
“What did Rin say?”
“Nvermind.” Maki muttered.
“Maki-chan…” Nico splashed at Maki.
“No one would ever call me Dr. Smile.”
Nico guffawed, slapping water everywhere. “I miss Rin.”
“If I had Umi’s bow, I wouldn’t.”
“You love her.” Nico leaned back, watching her wife, who had flopped on the nearby chaise. “So who thinks Nico is making fun of you?”
“Papa.”
“PFfffffff…who cares.”
Maki glared, ‘“We’re trying to keep his stress levels low.”
“Red headed doctors are the best.”
“But I like your hair; it looks like you.”
“But our daughter will look like Dr. Smile.”
That threw Maki’s train of thought completely askew. The closest she could get was imagining Cotaro when she first met him with bright red hair.
“I wonder if our children will look like you? All your siblings do.”
“And they’re cute. But our children will be NicoMaki cute. I’ve seen your baby pictures, you were adorable.” Nico leaned back, smiling up at Maki. “Nico can’t wait to have a family to come home to.”
“You have me.”
“And I love it.” Nico blew lavender scented bubbles at Maki, “But you, me, the cutest children ever in the universe, and Christmas morning.”
Maki couldn’t keep the huge grin back. “I can tell them all about Santa-san.”
“But we’re not spoiling them too much.”
Maki pouted at Nico.
Nico giggled, “That’s what our parents will do.”
Maki got up, taking off her coat, sliding out of her jacket, unbuttoning her shirt halfway and slipping out of her pants. Then she sat on the edge of the tub, feet in the water, toes teasing Nico’s legs. “You’re going to tour less, right.”
“Nico’s not touring now. You’re going to cut down your hours, right, Maki-chan.”
“Just started the search for an Executive Director. And put the LGBTQ+ Health Centers proposal on the fast track.”
Nico leaned over, her chin on Maki’s thigh, “We’ve worked really hard for this.”
“We have.”
“I think Mama knows.”
Maki laughed, “It was that morning she surprised us at breakfast, wasn’t it?”
For once, Nico was the one blushing. “Nico needs…” Nico’s arm slipped under Maki’s shirt, a casual touch on Maki’s back, “more elegant pajamas for entertaining company.”
“No you don’t.”
“You like it when Nico borrows your shirt.”
“No, I love it when Nico-chan borrows my shirt.”
“Nico loves your pajamas.” Nico’s fingers started tracing patterns.
“Ha!” Keeping her cool with Nico this close had always been impossible so Maki just lowered herself into the water, pausing for a messy, wet kiss, “Let’s skip dinner.”
NISHIKINO MAKI AND YAZAWA NICO: DETAILS OF THEIR WHIRLWIND COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE
The interviewer leaned forward as Maki ran a hand through her hair. She was relaxed in a light gray Tadashi Shoji corded lace sheath dress, and confidently answered her question, “It was a long day, my eyes were so tired everything was blurry and I got in the wrong elevator. Nico had just gotten pics of the Ayase twins and we started talking about high school.”
“Talking?” Nico snorted, standing behind Maki, hands in the pockets of bright pink Victoria Beckham trousers, the matching blazer falling open, “It was all Nico’s sex appeal. Nico is irresistible.”
Maki leaned her head back, a private smile for Nico, “Nico is irresistible.”
“Is it irresponsible to take so much time off from your responsibilities to take a world tour honeymoon and then start a family?”
Nico chuckled, her hands on Maki’s shoulder, “We’ve planned carefully. And they’re our businesses. Nico never understood people working themselves to death, not taking time for family. We want to change corporate culture.”
“You’ve always been ambitious, Nico. What’s your next project?”
Nico winked, “That’s just between us.”
“No hints for our viewers, Maki?”
Nico leaned down, arms around Maki’s shoulders, whispering something in her ear. Maki’s full, flaring blush could have been a picture from high school. The interviewer laughed.
“Nice to see you two worked out the Penthouse Wars.”
“Nico is a reasonable person.”
Maki threw back her head, laughing, “Sure, that’s why.”
“Well, Nico is certainly a top…”
“Nico-chan!”
“I love you, Maki-chan.” Giggling, Nico kissed her wife’s cheek.
Nico might have been the only one to hear Maki’s muttered, “I love you, Nico-chan.” But it had always been true.
A/N: Another AU Yeah August request, it started out as Married Rivals, but I was reading a Dolly Parton songwriting book and in the songs about love chapter there were these lyrics from "Between Us":
In our love let's share a friendship between us Always close enough to talk things out Let's be honest with ourselves and each other And our love will never know mistrust or doubt
So I just started writing conversations.
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brooke0297 · 4 years ago
Text
Electric Hammer to the Heart (A Julie and The Phantoms Fic)
Masterlist
First work for JATP and inspired partially by how I go absolutely rabid when I hear "Now or Never". Also inspired by how I just wanted a little fluff with Julie being a sixteen year old girl listening to good music. Hope you like it!
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Julie had basically forgotten about the CD.
In the grand scheme of things, it was an easy detail to fall through the cracks when one accidentally summoned three ghosts, started a band, then saved said ghosts from being destroyed by another villainous ghost. All in the span of about a month.
Needless to say, she’d had a lot on her mind since then.
But now, she held the case in her hands and examined it. It felt like a lifetime ago that she had first put the disc in her mom’s stereo and pressed play.
Carlos had inconspicuously placed it on her dresser at some point. He had told her that it was the key to solving the mystery of the Molina’s ghost problem and how he had discovered her “holograms” were just the ghosts of three seventeen year old band members from 1995. Now it seemed he was done with it and had given it back to Julie.
There was a lot of weight to the disc in her hand, she realized. It was what brought her “phantoms” and three new best friends into her life. It was how she finally found her way back to music after losing her mom. And it was the last connection the guys had to their lives before the unfortunate street dogs incident.
Knowing Luke, Reggie, and Alex; this was the culmination of years and years of hard work. This, as well as the Orpheum gig, would have launched Sunset Curve into stardom. 
She suddenly realized she hadn’t even listened to the first song all the way through.
Well she had been thinking about putting on some new music to study to. And the guys were God knows where. They had been relishing in their newfound freedom after the Caleb incident, staying out all hours to visit clubs and music venues. She wouldn’t have to worry about playing their old stuff and embarrassing them.
She gently pulled the CD out of the case and popped it into the disc drive on her laptop. As she pulled up her music player, she could hear the whiring of the drive as it prepared to read the disc. By the time her music theory review had been pulled up, the disc had loaded and was ready to play.
The familiar sound of Luke’s guitar erupted from her speakers in the intro and she heard Owen count them in. There was a small moment of anticipation before the music began and Luke’s voice filled the room.
Take off, last stop
Countdown till we blast open the top.
Face first, full charge
Electric hammer to the heart.
Julie realized in all the time she’d heard Luke sing, she had never really heard his voice this gritty and breathless. It was a classic rock sound and Julie could feel her head begin bobbing as the others joined in.
Clocks move forward
But we don't get older, no
Kept on climbing
Till our stars collided
And all the times we fell behind
Were just the keys to paradise
Don't look down
'Cause we're still rising up right now.
And even if we hit the ground
We'll still fly
Keep dreaming like we'll live forever
But live it like it's now or never.
Julie was smiling in spite of herself. The lyrics just screamed Luke. There was so much passion and excitement in each lyric. She’d written with him enough to know that Luke’s words were never frivolous. He poured his heart into each one.
Hear the noise, in my head
It's calling out like a voice I can't forget
One life, no regrets
Catch up, got no time to catch my breath
Clocks move faster
Cause it's all we're after now, oh
Won't stop climbing
Cause this is our time, yeah
When all the days felt black and white
Those were the best shades of my life
Julie had stopped paying attention to her homework and was instead listening carefully to Alex’s drum beat. She could distinguish Reggie’s bass line out of Luke’s furious shredding and she felt herself grinning with pride. These were her amazingly talented band mates. Despite not knowing the words well, she began mouthing along to the chorus.
Don't look down
'Cause we're still rising up right now
And even if we hit the ground
We'll still fly
Keep dreaming like we'll live forever
But live it like it's now or never
We ain't searching for tomorrow (Tomorrow)
'Cause we got all we need today (Today)
There was Alex’s solo and Reggie’s response. She grinned. Julie decided she needed to speak to Luke as soon as she could about giving the guys more lines.
Living on a feeling that's been running through our veins.
We're the revolution that's been singing in the rain.
As the clapping kicked in, Julie was dancing in her seat.
Don't look down
'Cause we're still rising up right now
And even if we hit the ground
We'll still fly
Keep dreaming like we'll live forever
But live it like it's now or never
It's now or never (Now or never).
Luke’s guitar and the guy’s voices drifted out as the song ended and Julie realized she was breathless. As the next demo began (“Late Last Night”, according to the jacket), Julie sat back in her chair.
She knew Luke was an incredible songwriter and all three of the guys were amazing musicians. But hearing how much passion and joy they put into their first song made her appreciate her boys even more. She remembered what Luke had once said about the connection between musician and audience and how it was his dream to form that bond with everyone who listened to Sunset Curve. He had lived for music. He still did.
Julie was hit with a wave of appreciation for her band. They had definitely saved her when she had felt like she was drowning. It had been Luke’s words that had coaxed her into entering the studio and given her the courage to play again. The three of them had jumped up on the stage at her school to have her back the day she reentered the music program. And they had chosen possible destruction over abandoning the Phantoms and playing for Caleb at his Ghost club. Luke’s words from the night of the Orpheum came back to her.
“No music is worth making, Julie, if we’re not making it with you. No regrets.” 
Man, she really wanted a group hug right about now.
She snapped back to reality as the song changed a second time. “Lakeside Reflection”, which she thought she remembered Luke saying was inspired by Alex and his journey with coming out to his friends and family, began. She shook herself out of her musings and tried to focus on music theory.
She was able to finish the worksheet as the final demo (“In Your Starlight”) faded out. The songs were phenomenal and, instead of ejecting the disc, she clicked play on “Now or Never” again. Her room filled once again with the sounds of Luke’s guitar and she began to bob her head along. 
I didn’t realize how catchy this song is. Julie thought to herself as she sang under her breath.
When the song finished, Julie didn’t hesitate to hit the repeat button. Over and over she found herself listening to the song until eventually she was dancing around her room and jumping on her bed, holding her phone like a mic and singing at the top of her lungs.
“Don't look down! 'Cause we're still rising up right now!” She strummed her imaginary guitar like she imagined Luke would and laughed. It had been a while since she had jammed out by herself.
*****
“Boys, we are rocking it!” Luke exclaimed. He and the boys had poofed into the studio from the last club they had been at and Alex could see the familiar glint in his friend’s eyes. It usually signaled a breathless speech full of highlighting their potential and how important it was to strike while the iron was hot. He and Reggie agreed 100%, but sometimes (most of the time) Luke got carried away and one of them would have to try and bring him back to Earth.
“I mean, we were ten times better than those guys on that stage. We need to seize the moment and book some more gigs. Hey maybe Julie-”
“Where is Julie?” Reggie interrupted. Alex sighed, grateful for his friend and his usual lack of tact.
Luke seemed to snap out of his tirade when he realized their frontwoman was missing.
“She must be in the house. C’mon let’s tell her about that Foxes band we heard tonight.”
The boys poofed into the living room of the Molina house and glanced around, No sign of Julie.
“She’s probably in her room-wait a second.” Reggie cocked his head and listened. Luke and Alex glanced at each other before doing the same. Alex could hear the music coming from the direction of Julie’s room. But there was something familiar about the beat he could barely make out. 
“Hang on,” Luke said, “Is that…?”
“I can’t tell.” Reggie said. The three boys bounded up the stairs and huddled together around the door to Julie’s room, listening.
“Clocks move faster cause it's all we're after now, oh!”
“That’s us! That’s our song!” Reggie exclaimed. 
Luke was astonished. Julie was clearly listening to their demo CD. The one they’d been handing out for weeks to every music executive and promoter they could hassle before booking the Orpheum. He remembered that one producer had a DO NOT ALLOW poster with his picture on it after he and Bobby had hounded the guy for a month straight. He’d forgotten that Now or Never had been on this demo. It had once been one of his favorite Sunset Curve songs. The energy was a great encore song and it had gained a huge following amongst their fans. The last time he had played that song was…
“Should we go in there?” Alex asked. When Luke didn’t answer, the drummer hesitantly knocked. 
No answer.
“Maybe we should just go in? I mean, she probably didn’t hear us.” Reggie reasoned.
“You remember what happened the last time we barged into her room without permission.” Alex retorted. Before Reggie could reply, Luke had phased through the door and into the room. Alex and Reggie followed and the three of them paused at the scene that awaited them.
Julie was jumping around on her bed and singing the lyrics at the top of her lungs into her phone. Her hair was wild around her face and her eyes were shut as she belted the chorus.
“But LIVE IT LIKE IT'S NOW OR NEVER!”
“Julie!” Alex called over the music. When their singer didn’t respond, the boys glanced at each other.
“JULIE!” they hollered together.
Julie’s eyes snapped open and she shrieked when she realized the guys were standing in her room staring at her. The surprise was enough to throw her off her balance and she tumbled onto her stomach on her bed. When she regained her bearings, the guys were still staring at her but Alex and Reggie had lunged out to try and catch her. The music was still blaring and she scrambled to press pause.
Silence filled the room.
“Uh..hey guys! How was the club? Anyone good play tonight?” she asked nervously.
“Was that our demo?” Reggie asked. Julie fumbled.
“Uh..well I mean...ugh yeah it was. But I wasn’t intentionally keeping it from you I swear! I just didn’t want to make you sad or anything. And the last time I tried to listen was when three ghosts dropped into my garage so I didn’t really get to actually listen and--”
“Did you like it?”
The question came from Luke. He was looking at Julie with thinly veiled vulnerability in his eyes. It had always felt like sharing a piece of his soul when he gave out their demo. The boys had worked day and night, scrounging money from odds and end jobs, birthday money, and selling Bobby’s dad’s old furniture from the garage in order to afford the studio time. But it had paid off. Having a demo had set them up for booking more higher paying gigs until they’d finally booked the Orpheum. Luke had a lot of pride when it came to that demo. And Julie’s opinion was important to him. 
“Hmm?” she asked, not sure if she’d heard right.
“Did you like it? The song?” Luke clarified. The boys turned their gaze back to Julie.
“Well, yeah of course I did.” Julie answered, “I mean you did just see me bust a move on my bed, right?”
And there it was. Luke’s 1000 watt smile lit up his face and Julie mirrored it.
“We didn’t know you were a Sunset Curve fan!” Reggie bellowed in delight. Alex found himself grinning as well.
“Well duh! I mean, I wouldn't say they’re as good as Julie and the Phantoms but...” she jokingly trailed off and Reggie laughed.
“You really like the songs?” Alex asked.
“You guys, they were incredible! I mean Luke; the lyrics are insanely good and holy moly Alex we need to hear you sing more! And Reggie too!” Julie gushed. She was still riding the adrenaline from her scare, but she wanted to make sure the boys knew how much she loved their songs.
Reggie and Alex moved to clamor onto her bed to hear more and she turned to Luke.
“I’m sorry I didn’t listen to them with you guys though. I didn’t want to bring up any bad memories for you.”
Luke shook his head.
“No it’s… I’m just really happy you liked them. It’s been a long time since we heard those songs. Especially since Bobby didn’t steal them.”
Julie exhaled in relief.
“Okay but now I want to talk about maybe sampling some of your other demos. The bass line from “Lakeside Reflection” would be really cool…”
Luke laughed and joined his bandmates on her bed as Julie began to dissect the demo. There was a warm feeling in his chest that wasn’t going away anytime soon.
******
Thanks for reading everyone! Let me know what you think!
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purpleyellow · 4 years ago
Text
Stress
BTS 8th member
Sunny’s masterlist
“Sunny and Yoongi have a conflict″ Thank you for the anon who requested this!!
Disclaimer As the anon said, I too think Suga would be a more calm person, so I had a lot of fun thinking about a situation he would get so worked up. As a disclaimer this is in no way shape or form, me trying to guess what the boys went through in that moment, all the words written are fiction and made with entertainment porpuses. 
a/n:Your opinion is very important for me, send feedback and requests anytime 💜 Also, don’t be shy and interact a little, ask box is always open.
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"We were mentally struggling at the beginning of the year. While talking amongst ourselves, we even considered disbanding.”  - Seokjin, 2018 MAMA
On edge, that was how every BTS member was feeling in the past few weeks. It was like nothing was working for them, their bond getting tested every moment and even the smallest decisions creating friction between themselves or the company. 
Sunny herself didn’t have the mind to do anything at that moment, the meeting that was supposed to last all day had been called off after the first five minutes by their own manager, who allegedly “Didn’t think they should talk about those things at that moment”, and she didn’t want to just go home without doing anything productive.
Going to the cafeteria to refresh her thoughts before finding something to do, she found strange how empty the place was. It was usually filled with staff members, trainees, and general people who worked in the building, but now all of the tables were empty, except for one.
Right in the corner of the room sat a person dressed in black from head to toe, staring blankly into space as he siped from his coffee. Yoongi had just as bad of a day as she did, and as he sat on his studio to work on something nothing seemed to come to his mind except the blood boiling talk he had with one of the producers. 
Getting her own cup of coffee, Sunny considered if not sitting in the same table as him would be weird. Of course, the few people who worked very closely with them knew about the phase BTS was going through, but if anyone else passed by and saw them sitting far away rumors could start spreading. 
Pulling the chair in front of his so she could sit down, the girl missed his eyes snapping out of his daze and studying her figure before looking straight ahead again. She didn’t know if he was waiting for her to say something or not, so she decided to start a random conversation, hoping the worst thing she would get would be no answer.
“Did you see they changed the lobby’s carpet to a pastel blue color? I thought it looked pretty, maybe we could use it as inspiration and change the curtains of the dorms” She said nonchalantly and took a sip her coffee “I mean, we haven’t clean those in a while, let’s just get rid of them”
Suga snorted rolling his eyes, taking another sip he placed his cup down before staring at her with an unamused face “Is that really what you’re worried about?”
“It’s not my top priority, but it is something I think about. I mean, it has been collecting dust for a while and it could affect-”
“Well, fuck Sunny, really?” He cut her off laughing sarcastically and throwing his head back. “We’ve all been stressing like crazy and the only thing you care about is some blue pastel drapes”
“I don’t care about them, I just wanted to make small talk” She rolled her eyes speaking more firmly “But if you think I’m not as stressed as you then let’s talk about it”
“Oh, shall we?” He smirked looking around “C’mon tell me what worries you, did no one told you your hair looks pretty today? I bet that’s the biggest struggle you went through”
“What is with you today?" Sunny exclaimed, not having the patience to deal with his irony.
"Geez Sunny you really are oblivious huh? Pop the little bubble you live in, Bangtan could be ending right now, do you expect me to be laughing and paying attention to the small wonders in the world? NO” He slapped the table making the girl flinch from the scare. 
“I AM aware of what’s going on, why did you think I tried talking to you?” She exclaimed putting a defensive hand on her chest. “Do you really think I don’t care about our future?”
“I think you’re not as passionate about this group like the rest of us,” He said still sitting down, gaze as cold as ice “To me you’re still that child who was put into the group the SEVEN of us build, it seems like people liked you so we kept growing, but think about it, you weren’t there when we build our name out of nowhere”
“You’re salty because of something that happened years ago?” Sunny widened her eyes and Yoongi snorted once again, his chilled position didn’t match the attacking tone of his voice and that was getting on her nerves. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here from the beginning, but since I joined you guys I have put all my blood, sweat and tears into the group, you cannot just say I was handed things”
“Oh, but you were. Can’t you see that everything-” He started but got interrupted.
“So all the times I spent”
“DO NOT CUT ME OFF WHE I’M SPEAKING” He raised his voice making her lose all the words in her head “This is what I’m talking about, MY GOD, we spoiled you too much. I told Namjoon we should assign you a specific thing to do, but he would always protect you, saying you were free to work on whatever you wanted. Now here we are, you get all the attention because you do the bare minimum, while the dumbass here works his ass off and gets told he’s just a disposable piece”
Sunny was both confused and hurt with his statement, everyone knew Yoongi as the mastermind behind BTS, even some of the producers in the company respected his opinion over their own. As for her work, she knew she would put her 100% on everything related to the group, his words didn’t change that truth in her head.
“I’m sorry my effort isn’t enough for you” she got up picking up her phone from the table “I knew you didn’t care about me but never realized my presence was such a burden to you. And if it counts as something, everyone knows your worth in the group, and they would all drop me if it meant you got to stay with them”
“Stop victimizing yourself” Suga groaned rolling his head back and Sunny snapped, turning around and pointing a finger to him.
“YOU are the one playing the victim here. I’m saying the truth because I know that between the disbandment talk you guys are also considering going back to seven. We live in the same house if you don’t remember, I can hear you talking behind my back”
“I’m older than you, princess” He got up and slapped her finger “Treat me with respect next time you get all worked up. And don’t act like you wouldn’t go solo in a snap of fingers.”
“I wouldn’t, because believe it or not, I’m in this Bangtan shit for life” As soon as she finished speaking, a middle-aged woman walked in talking to her phone, probably unaware of the tension in the room.
Not wanting to catch her attention, and also too pissed off to do anything else, Sunny walked out straight to the lobby, catching Jimin waiting for a car there. He looked over to her and they made eye contact for a few seconds before looking away like they hadn’t seen each other, before parting ways.
She had never felt the end of her family so close as that day.
“Can I talk to you?” Yoongi asked sitting in front of her, ironically, on the same table, they were when they had the argument two days prior.
“Sure” She mumbled locking her phone and looking around. The few people around made her feel safe, and Suga knew that, making him feel bad for snapping at her.
“I’m cutting to the chase because I don’t think either of us has the energy to deal with more than we already are,” He said and took a deep breath “I’m sorry for saying those things to you. The producing team had a meeting that day, and they told me I should step back from work for a few days, so I guess I got insecure and was stupid enough to let it out on you. I should not have done that”
“All you said seemed sincere enough for it to be a spur of the moment” Sunny arched an eyebrow “Did you think about that for a long time? Would it make things better for you if I wasn’t on the picture?”
“No, it wouldn’t.” He answered instantly but waited a few seconds to explain himself better “I’m going to be honest, I used to think those things when you first joined us. Not the success part, but the attention going to you when we had worked longer. I don’t think like that anymore, but the whole situation must have dug out those thoughts”
“Oppa, I’m sorry I made you feel like that” She sighed
“We know it has nothing to do with you” He comforted her and they sat in silence for a few minutes. “I think we all need a break”
“Yeah, me too” She mumbled picking up her things so they could go to the meeting together, “Do you think we’ll get over this?”
“I hope so.” Yoongi sighed and they moved to meet the other six members. “We did spoil you too much though?”
“W-why?” Sunny said with wide eyes, ready for him to blow up again.
“We go through a crisis and your instinct is to act like nothing is going on,” He said and started laughing “Talking about carpets and curtains, what were you thinking?”
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razorblade180 · 4 years ago
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Twin Snowflakes 23: Struggling
“Join me…” Shiva called out to Summer, extending her hand. “It’s been so long.” Her voice was like a siren, tempting and calm. “Aren’t you tired of being so helpless?”
Summer’s entire body seemed to be drawn towards the words. Inch by inch, her feet took her a step closer. However, not without resistance. “No…” Summer muttered, her mind clouded. Her right hand held back her left from reaching out while her legs did their best not to move. “No, this isn’t….I don’t…”
“Don’t try and fight it. You know how this all ends if you do.” Shiva smiled, “Nothing but dread. You keep telling yourself you’ll get stronger, that you can stand alone but you can’t. I’m not the only one who knows it either. How many times do you think your family can save you? They’ll die trying, because they love you despite all reason. Can you live with that? I know you can’t.”
Tears ran down Summer’s face. With all of her power, Summer still made her way forward. “Leave them...alone. Please…” she asked, knowing who she was dealing with.
“I’m not the one hurting them. If you were stronger, then you wouldn’t be here right now, begging. Does it hurt, the weakness? I know it must be unbearable.” Shiva cooed. “You’ll never be enough.”
“I’ll...I’ll stop you.”
“Ha, you can’t even stop your legs right now. Gods, it’s really embarrassing it’s taken me this long to have you. I mean seriously, you’re pathetic. Every pill you take, I spit out. Any cut you carve, I make it like it never happened. I know you know that very well….”
Summer’s eyes begin to dim. The pounding pain in her head banging like a drum solo. Desperately she wished it stopped. Summer wished she’d stop, completely. Shiva had made it very clear though. Summer wouldn’t be done until Shiva said she was done. The will to reach for her was too great, and the pain eased with the gap between them closing.
Shiva smiled tenderly as she watched Summer get closer and closer to the ice. “See? I knew you’d see it my way. Don’t you want the pain to stop.”
“Y...Yes” Summer uttered, losing her grip on her mind. “I….just…...want to……” her will all but left. Not that it mattered. What good did her resolve do her anyways? Every attempt was a failure, a struggle for air that only made what she had left painful. In the end…. “Stop hurting.” Another step closer was taken with ease. Frigid air and Shiva were the only thing Summer could recognize. The world itself seemed to simply...disappear. Until...nausea, right in the pit of her stomach. It began to grow and feel like a hollow pit until, boom! The gap between herself and Shiva has increased greatly. She seemed to get smaller and smaller as Summer felt her soaring backwards until something hard crashed behind her, turning everything to darkness momentarily.
Weakly, Summer opened her eyes. The right side of her face felt cold to the bone and was obstructed by snow. “Wh...what is?” Summer looked in front her to see a white flower at eye level with her. “That...I was wearing that. I fell?” Her mind began to clear and body started to ache. A breeze blew the flower closer. It was only then she noticed the flower was stained red. It was only then… she remembered who gave her that flower. “Ver...onica?” A pair of legs walked into vision but not the pair she wanted to see. Summer looked up to see Shiva looking down at her.
“Yet again, a person is hurt because of you. But don’t fear. That’s your blood.” Shiva said, watching the red substance begin to run down the side of Summer’s face. She bent down and pointed to the lake. “Unfortunately, Veronica has an entirely different problem.”
Summer barely manages to turn her head enough to see the girl in question laying on the ice; the cracked ice. The gravity of the situation makes Summer go wide eyed. “Oh no…” she mutters. Her arm reaches for her blade to find that it is not on her hip. It had fallen off and several feet ahead of her. Summer began crawling but another wave of pain shot through her head, stalling her progress.
Shiva chuckled. “Hehe, oh this is quite the problem isn’t it? That stupid girl knocked you away somehow for your own good, but also managed to hurt herself. I’m not even sure if she’s conscious.”
“Ver...Veronica!” Summer yelled, “Hey! Answer me!” She could get no response and could barely notice the girl moving. Most likely wincing in pain. Summer knew that feeling in her stomach from early was familiar. Veronica must’ve phased her hand or something inside of her body and then sent her flying back by being tangible again. The blow must’ve been too much for Veronica and sent her flying as well. Summer didn’t know if Veronica had thought the plan through and got it wrong, or if she was grasping at straws to do anything. Either way, things weren’t looking too good.
The ice cracked and crumbled a bit more, spurring Summer to continue her crawling to the best of her ability. Every inch gain increased the pain yet again and made her want to vomit at this point. There was no way she could make it to Veronica, but with a blade there was a chance. Still….
“Veronica! Really need you to wake up right now!”
Shiva walked over to a nearby rock and sat down, watching Summer struggle in agony. “I don’t know what you think you do but I’m telling you it’s gonna fail at the rate you’re going. Even if that girl was awake, is she okay to walk? Let’s say she can. That ice is cracking mighty fast and we both know just how cold that water is. Don’t forget you’re a miracle, my little Summer. That girl though? I’d give her two minutes before dying of shock and hypothermia.”
Summer tried her best to ignore Shiva’s words. The vile girl could tell by the tears Summer tried to hold in that the words had made an impact. Shiva kept watching as Summer’s arms trembled and clawed at the ground to drag her body inch by inch. Strained breathing and grunts of pain never stopped and only got worse as Summer tried to move faster when the sound ice cracking got louder. The intrigued smile Shiva usually had was changed to a more neutral face.
“I could save her you know?” Shiva said, getting up. She walked leisurely alongside the wounded girl. “You’d heal in seconds and be able to refreeze the lake with a snap of a finger. You should have no problem tapping into my power. You did say you’ll stop me so you shouldn’t have to think twice about it. Unless...you’re just all talk? What do you say Summer, think you can gamble your life to save hers, or are you too scared to do anything that matters?”
It was a trap, plain in simple. Yet it made Summer falter nonetheless. There was no doubt in her mind Shiva wouldn’t consume her with ease. The chance of holding any kind of fight in this state would be essentially handing a victory over, but that didn’t change the fact that for a few seconds Summer would be able to save Veronica. The fear was what came after that. A fear Shiva must’ve been aware of, because she bent down to whisper in Summer’s ear.
Shiva said in a calm and deceptively caring voice, “I won’t hurt her” before stepping back with her hand stretched out again. Summer’s arms gave out and she laid in the snow, desperately trying to move. Her options were limited. Less than limited. They were gone.
“I’ll fight you…” a voice said.
It reached Summer and Shiva, shocking them both as they looked towards the lake. Without warning, Veronica started moving.
The girl slowly brought her arms in front of herself and began weakly pushing up to her stumbling feet. Pieces of her arms and her left cheek felt numb and burning red at the same time from frostbite. Her knees buckled briefly as she did her best to remain stationary so avoid disturbing the ice further. “I can’t hear her, and I can’t see her either. But...that rotten stench is oozing from you so much I can’t even lay down without feeling disgusted. I don’t know what’s she saying to you but Summer, I fucking swear….”
Veronica lifted her head and stared at Summer with intense catlike eyes and clenched, gritted fangs that bit back the pain. “If you do anything she says, I am going to give you that fight you wanted and beat both of your asses! Is that clear!?” Veronica extended her hand.
Shiva rolled her eyes. “Such nonsense. Just who the hell does she think she-”
“Fuck off…” Summer exhaled. Both of her arms raised up, then slammed to the ground. Mustering all she had, Summer pushed herself up. First to her knees and then to her feet, rising slowly while bearing the pain. “As if...I’d listen to someone like Shiva...about anything?” Summer extended her hand toward the lake with her right arm while the left one braced it with all the grip she had. A single glyph formed under Veronica’s feet at first. Then, another appeared in front of it. And then another, and another; until six total formed a bridge to actual land.
Veronica began to limp from glyph to the next slowly. Each step took more strength than the last until finally she was close enough to fling herself onto solid ground. Weak and injured, Veronica muttered, “See? That wasn’t so hard.” Blacking out right after.
The glyphs and ice came apart while Shiva could not process what she had just witnessed. Biting her nail, she looked back to Summer, who was staring at her with a cold glare that Shiva found deplorable. “Tsk, don’t look at me that. The only reason this is going this way is because that girl over there was capable of walking. Without that you’d still be suffering in silence!”
“You know there’s dignity in just cutting your losses right? Looks like the only failure today is you.” Summer scowled, “Now just go already. It’s over.”
Shiva raised an eyebrow. “Sure about that? Last time I checked, somebody spent an awful lot of time just now drowning in never feelings.” Shiva stepped aside and directed her attention to beady red eyes that were looming in the tree line.
Summer looked around to see only several sets of eyes. That was still far to me in her current state. She looked back at Veronica and kept her eyes on her. No grimm was around her, yet.
“Still think it’s over?” Shiva hummed.
Summer said nothing. Before she could act, a breeze went over her body that stung her wounds before all of her pain began to fade. Not only that, but Summer also felt just a little less tired as well. Confused, she looked back at Shiva and found no one there. Just herself and the grimm that lurked.
“You are so lucky I can’t have you mauled to death in a forest. Yet again you’re only gonna live through this because of me. Count your blessings.”
Summer dove towards her blade and tumbled into a sprint towards Veronica, going as far to slide into a crouch in front of the girl. Summer put a glyph under them and raised it to the sky, watching the beowulves make their approach. Though physically healed, Summer’s body felt so fatigued and riddled with aches that it made the idea of fighting daunting to say the least. Oh well though. Not much choice at this point. Right now it was more than her life at stake. She looked back at the sight of Veronica’s injuries and gritted her teeth. If those injuries left scares…
“Fuck it.” Summer jumped off and dove down right on top of a grimm with her sword right through its neck, freezing it from the inside with ice dust. “I’m so sick and tired of this. All these mistakes, and for what!?” She snarled. The grimm shattered. Summer landed on her feet with frustration in her eyes and grief in her heart. Her hands were thrown up in the air as she yelled at the grimm. “Well!? Come and get it! I got your despair right here!”
The howl of her sorrow met ravenous hunger of theirs, making them attack. Without a witness in sight to observe this fight, it would be hard to even say one happened. For even though her wails rang loudly, Summer began to sound more monstrous and human.
xxxx
It is often said things happen for a reason. For better or for worse, the invisible threads that tie people together tighten and unravel at the whims of fate. Veronica was never one to put much thought in such things. But if she were to, then it would appear fate had decided that the cold forest was no place to unravel.
Groaning in pain, her eyes began to open to a world of light. “Mmmgh, where…?” Her vision adjusted. No longer was in the woods. Veronica was in bed, the guest bed in the manner; in her black nightgown no less. She looked to her left to find an IV drip by her bedside, hooked to her arm. Next to it was a platter of sandwiches that smelled like every barn animal imaginable. Veronica’s stomach was quick to growl. Reaching for one made her wince in pain. It was only then she realized her body had multiple bandages wrapped it and gauze on her left cheek.
“Oh yeah. I got thrashed.” She sighed. Veronica tried moving her right hand but found it weighed down. She finally looked right and gasped. Her senses must’ve been out of whack, because she somehow managed to ignore a sleeping Nick at her bedside who held her hand, tightly. “N-Nick!?”
Her shout stirred him awake. “Huh?” He rubbed his eyes. “Hey….oh? Oh!? Hey, you’re awake! Do you know how worried I was!?” He sat on her bed. “What happened out there?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?” Last time I checked I was quite literally on thin ice. The pun was given no positive recognition. “What? I quip a little when I’m out of it. You know this.”
“Yeah. That one one was just….anyways, I think it might be better if you went first. Actually, do you remember anything to begin with? Penny didn’t say anything about brain damage when she patched you up but it’s like we saw you get hurt.”
Veronica rubbed the back of her neck. So Penny was the one to tend to her wounds. Made sense. If it had been Nick, Veronica may have died from embarrassment. Emergency or not, having him change her would be too much to handle.
“Veronica? You still with me”
“Huh? Oh, sorry.” She smiled, “My mind wandered, but yeah. I remember.” She propped a pillow up and leaned back against the headboard. “I had taken Summer to the woods to have her fight some grimm and work on her outfit. I thought seeing her fight up close and learning about Shiva would help make the perfect outfit for the tournament. I recently became aware of just how real she is.”
“You didn’t...force her to come out did you?” Nick asked, concerned. It was comforting when Veronica looked at him like he was insane. “So that’s a no?”
“Of course it’s a no! I just got the worst luck imaginable and found what apparently is ground zero for Diamond Dust. So that lake is the spot huh?”
Nick folded his arms and frowned. “Yeah, that’s the spot. I’ve been there a few times after the fact, but Summer never has. Well, until today.”
“Figured. She- hey? Where is she?”
“Resting by now. Don’t worry, she’s safe.”
“Wouldn’t say I was worried. Not with twisted power like that.” She muttered. Veronica continued her story. “Anyways, I guess the shock or something was too much for her to deal with. Summer completely ignored my calls to her and started walking to the lake like a zombie. Ice and cold air blew around her so crisp it cut skin. Getting her attention verbally wasn’t working and I wasn’t about to see what happened if she stood on the glowing mass of dust and ice; so I punched her.”
“You…” Nick tilted his head. “Punched her? And it worked?”
“Well, it wasn’t a normal punch. All that wind and ice made it physically hurt to get close. I touched her once and it messed up my right hand.” Veronica started flexing it. It hurt but it didn’t seem permanently damaged. “I used my semblance the second time so all that wind around her went right through me. I put my fist in her stomach and then boom, shockwave. I wasn’t really thinking much about it, as you can see.” She gestured to herself, “I’m not messed up with dust or anything now, right?”
Nick smiled, “That’s not how that works. As in the dark we are about Diamond Dust, we know it’s not as easy as touching it. Penny said you’ll make a full recovery. No long term damage, and no scars.”
Veronica let out a sigh of relief. “Well I guess I can live with today then. I’ll be honest, I was terrified you might tell me my fingers would never be the same or they had to be cut off.” She laughed about it, but in order to push that fear down. Her dreams and love for creating clothes wasn’t harmed. “After I hit her I got knocked down by the blast and landed on the ice. After that...it’s pretty hazy. I know I managed to get off the ice because of Summer’s glyphs, but that’s it.”
“I see. That matches up then.”
“What does? Summer already said her piece?” Veronica raised a brow.
Nick gave her a nod. Veronica couldn’t help but feel a little bad. “I guess we’re leaving out the part about the fight and having Diamond Dust to begin with. Not that it matters too much. I doubt already having it made this situation happen, but it may have made it harder for Summer to snap out of whatever trance she was in.” Veronica thought.
Nick noticed the silence again and hit worried. He looked at the IV drip briefly before feeling his hands start to tremble anxiously. He managed to take his eyes off of it and looked back to what mattered. “You sure you’re okay? I figured you’d be hungry but you haven’t touched a single sandwich. That and Penny said you were understandably a bit dehydrated.”
“Don’t worry, You’re the one who said I’ll make a complete recovery. I’m only not stuffing my face right now because I don’t wanna look like an ugly animal starved of a meal in front of-” he turned around to face away from her. “.....”
“We did this last time, remember? Now you can eat and I can tell you what happened next.”
Reluctantly, Veronica’s eyes shifted between the platter and Nick. Yeah they did this before but it was still a bit embarrassing. “I swear if you turn around Nick... I’ll be very upset” Yeah, that sounded better in her head.
“I won’t.” He chuckled, “Eat up. As for your question earlier, I knew something was up with Summer because I could feel it.”
“Oh yeah, she did mention something about you having this uncanny twin thing to know when Shiva takes over.”
“Yeah it would be cool if I didn’t fear the worse every single time it happens. Mom, auntie, and I all immediately pinged the location and off we went. Dad came too. By the time we found you both, you were unconscious on a glyph and Summer was cornered by grimm. She must’ve put up a fight considering several were dead already but I’d to think about how long she would have kept them at bay. Summer passed out the moment she saw us. Adrenaline was the only thing keeping her up most likely. Dad healed what he could before we got you both back here where Penny did the real medical work.”
“You must’ve been so worried.” Veronica said, solemnly. “Guess the blame should fall on me this time.”
“I’m not interested in the blame game. I’m just glad we’re past this. You done eating? Kinda wanna flop on the bed.”
“Hehe, go for it.”
Nick leaned back and went limp on the bed. He looked up to see Veronica smiling at him with a thumbs up. He returned the gesture. “I need a break from everything.”
“Whaaaat? Nicholas Schnee wants a break?” She sarcastically gasped, “maybe you’re the one who needs bed rest? Still sick?”
He shook his head. “No, I’m feeling fine. Auntie might’ve beaten the sickness out of me. She’s actually pleased with you for once by the way. Summer expressed just how much you bailed her out of danger.”
Veronica sunk into her pillow. “Like I cared about either of their opinions. Especially your stick in the mud aunt. She’ll still shoot me icy looks.”
“Can’t you take a win? Why are you so negative about everything.” He pinched her leg.
“Ow! I’m injured here!? Also I’m not negativ, I’m just telling the truth. Despite the genes, Xiao Long optimism isn’t-...hey, where is ma? If anybody was gonna be at my bedside I would’ve bet money on her?”
Nick sat up. “Well you know, she freaked out after seeing you for a second and stayed a long time. But then she had to leave to-” A click of the door cut Nicholas off before he could finish. Yang and Blake came in anxiously.
Yang spoke first.“Hey Nick, how’s Ver-” her eyes locked with her daughter’s. The teenager blinked rapidly in confusion. Yang however, she started tearing up and lunged at her with open arms; Blake only seconds behind. “You’re awake!!!”
“Veronica!” Blake said estactically. The two mothers carefully wrapped their arms around their daughter and showered her with love.
“Pick your mom up.” Nick finally finished. “Yang went to pick your mom up.”
“Gah! Yeah, I can see that!” Veronica wheezed, pushing them off to breathe. A little space please!? It’s hard enough to breathe as is! Mom, why are you here so early!?”
“I got a call saying you were hurt! Why wouldn’t I come early!?” Blake said firmly.
“That’s not- I meant how!? Did you just drop everything and hop on some super speed air Shai don’t know about? Menagerie isn’t a pleasure flight away.” They both finally got off of her. Veronica watched her parents look at her as if she said something weird. “What?” She said, raising a brow.
Nick caught her attention with an awkward laugh. “Hehe, so uhhh, one other thing. It’s not Saturday anymore. It’s Sunday afternoon. You uh...been unconscious for around thirty hours.”
“.......” Veronica looked around for a scroll until
Blake handed hers over. That forest incident had to have happened at around 11:00 am since her and Summer left early, so the fact that the time was 3:00 pm and was more than a little suspicious. Veronica sat in silence for a moment, processing. Then...she dropped the scroll. “I lost a day of progress….”
“That’s what you’re worried about!?” Her audience yelled.
“Yes! Nick, you are the last person I wanna hear say that!” She pointed. “This is a mess! How long was Summer asleep!?”
Nick scrunched his face. “Three hours.” He said, slightly whispering. “She heals real fast.”
“Well good for her!” Veronica shouted sarcastically, ignoring the fact that doing that really hurt. “I hope she’s well rested, because we have shit to do.” Veronica tried getting out of bed. A pain in her left side made her wince and putting weight on her right leg made it buckle the moment it reached the floor.
Blake quickly braced her daughter with her hand on Veronica’s stomach to stop the girl from falling forward. “You need rest. Don’t move.”
“Mom, we both know I will try to move anyway. So instead of being a brace, can you be a crutch instead and get me to the door?” Veronica asked needlingly. She had no will to argue. Her eyes got all big to sweeten the offer. Blake let out a sigh then got under Veronica’s arm to support her. Veronica smiled, “Thanks.”
“Mmmhmm.” Blake grumbled, annoyed over the fact she bought into puppy eyes. “Yang, get the door please?”
Yang did just that and looked into the hall. “Uhh fair warning, Summer hasn’t been taking visitors since yesterday and that hasn’t changed it looks like.” She stepped out of the way for them to see Jaune knocking on the door. “This isn’t his first time trying to get her out of the room.”
Nick let out a sigh. “Leave it to dad to keep trying. Summer has been down ever since we found her. More than usual. Maybe give her some space?”
“I recognize your suggestion, but….” Veronica continued out her room with Blake’s house. There was no reason to act any different now from how she always treated Summer. “I’m going anyways.”
“Ver- ugh, at least choose your words carefully please?” Nick conceded. He also was way too drained to argue with anyone. Yang patted his back and followed the two faunus. Might as well see how this turns out.
Thump thump thump, the low sound of Jaune’s knuckle hitting the solid wood door hit rhythmically. “Summer, please talk to me? You didn't have dinner last night or breakfast today. You have to come out eventually.”
“Just go away…” she said, devoid of energy. “I’ll eat later. I just wanna be alone right now, please?”
Jaune pressed his head against the door. Hearing her like this was rough. Forcing Summer to come out wouldn’t help, and telling her how worried people are would only make her feel bad. He knew his daughter though. Summer wasn’t just gonna come out on her own if she didn’t have to. The sound of footsteps brought Jaune’s attention to his approaching friends and family. He moved from the door and gave Blake a side hug. “Not how I wanted to greet you when you visited but I’m glad the trip was okay.”
“Good to see you too, and yeah. I wish it wasn’t because of an emergency. Where’s Weiss?”
“She’s with her sister and Ruby inspecting the lake. They should be back before long.” He looked at Veronica. “How are you feeling?”
Her ears fell down and she avoided his gaze. “Uhhh I’ll manage just fine. Th..thanks for helping treat my injuries when you did. I probably would be worse off if you didn’t.” Veronica said, awkwardly. When it came to Jaune, she could never find herself to act normal. Being calm was always top priority around him. If Jaune Arc doesn’t like you, then clearly you’re a bad individual. Same rule applied for Ruby. Veronica couldn’t explain why their opinion weighed a bit more than others. They just did. “Summer awake?”
“Yeah but-” Veronica knocked on the door before Jaune could finish.
“Hey, Princess.” Summer pressed her head against the door. “I have no idea why you’ve been shacked up in your room since yesterday and frankly I don’t really care.”
Blake frowned. “Ver-”
“What I do know is there’s no way you’re guilt tripping yourself over me, because that would be crazy. Not like you would have expected anything like yesterday to happen, so an apology would be stupid. Just as stupid as if I felt bad unintentionally taking you there in the first place.” Veronica sighed, “Shit happens. Far as I’m concerned...we’re even. The only thing you should feel bad about in regards to me is if you aren't wide eyed and attentive Tuesday evening to try your outfit on. Are we clear?”
They all waited for a response, but none came. Veronica groaned. “Ugggh, I said...are we-”
“Okay! Fine…I hear you.” Summer grunted, more energized than before.
“Hey, you’re the one who didn’t respond. You better see me with a better attitude. Also stick that schedule I gave you. Eating and school wise. Having a pity party doesn’t excuse you from it.” Veronica nagged. She had said what she wanted to. No reason to stick around further. Veronica smiled at Jaune. “Well, at least you know she’ll at least be out for school tomorrow now.”
“I guess that’s one way to handle things.” Jaune wasn’t sure if Veronica was simply irritated by Summer, or if that’s her definition of tough love. The look on Blake and Yang didn’t help either. They were just as confused. “Do you really think you can make an outfit in two days in your condition?”
“I was about to ask the same thing.” Nick said, concerned. Yang rubbed his head and laughed however. “Wait, she can!?”
“Oh yeah. I’ve seen her make an entire collection in three weeks before. It was impressive. Concerning, but impressive.”
“I wouldn’t brag about that. All of them were terrible.” Veronica admitted. “I was crazy to try that, but this is different. I came here with your clothes for you both, remember? I’m not working from scratch with Summer’s. All I need is the finest materials Remnant has to offer in terms of dust and sewing machinery. I’m sure the Schnee family wouldn’t mind giving me access to such things?”
Nick rubbed his chin dramatically. “Hmmm I think we can find it in the budget.” He laughed, pulling his scroll out to make a note of it. “You’ll have it by tomorrow.”
“Then we’re officially back on track then. I could start prep now.” Veronica hummed, until Blake flicked her nose. “Ow!”
“You are getting rest right now and can start tomorrow. This isn’t a negotiation, it’s a command.” Blake said sternly. “Haste makes waste.”
Darn! She was right and Veronica knew it. Resting did sound good though. There was no hiding how fatigued her body was. “Fine, you win. Back to the fluffy bed I go.”
“Nick can you take her back? Yang and I still have unpacking to do. As well as formally announcing we are here in Atlas before the world starts panicking. I miss being like a ninja in the shadows.” Blake sighed.
Nick took her spot under Veronica and walked her back into her room. Blake looked at Jaune warmly and patted his back as the three friends began walking. “Still worried about Summer?”
“All three really. They all felt shaken up in their own way. Nick seemed pretty passive.”
Blake nodded “Veronica too. I think they’re stressed out in a variety of ways. Has she been eating properly.”
“As much as I can get her to.” Yang grumbled. “Nick has been a big help with that. Most of the credit is his. Before all of this, Veronica did ask to spar out of the blue and took my gauntlets. I figured she was still upset from the fight at school but maybe it was because she planned on going into the woods too? Not sure how much Nick or Summer told her about Shiva, but I guess that doesn’t matter now.”
“It could.” Jaune spoke, clicking his tongue. “She may have wanted to be prepared for anything. Wasn’t enough though. Anyways, I think a couple days of rest might do Nick and Vee well. Summer though, it could go either way.”
“Parent life, remember when things were simple?” Yang said.Jaune and Blake looked at her, confused. Thinking about it, they had a right to be. “Yeah you’re right, it’s never been simple. Never felt this complicated either though.”
“I think I know what you mean.” Jaune said cautiously. This anxious, looming thought in the back of his mind made his heart race. “We’re missing something important. Not just about Shiva, but our families in general. I don’t know what it is, but…I feel like we can’t afford to miss it.”
A mournful expression reached his friend’s faces. He was right. Despite their best efforts, loving their kids wasn’t enough; being there for them apparently wasn’t enough either. Deep down they all knew the lives they built had begun to crack somewhere in the very foundation of it all. If nothing is changed then it’ll all come crashing down. Like a house in an avalanche.
Alone, Summer hugged her knees tightly and stared vacantly into the mirror; wondering when she’d finally be able to recognize it.
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A Breakup And A Party (Writing Prompt)
Friendships at the punk house were always strained to some extent. When you have a bunch of dysfunctional people with fucked up backgrounds all crammed in a space together living in squalor, conflict is inevitable, and as normal as taking a shit once a day. There was a party, and bands were set up in the living room. Alcohol was brought and supplied in surplus by the many attendees, to the point where there were just unopened fifths of booze laying around you could pick up and take a swig of and no one would fuck with you. There wouldn't be any running out that night. This was pre-covid times, so people didn’t care about sharing drinks or being close. Taking a swig meant having the courage to down a good 2% backwash-to-alcohol content from about 20 or so other people as well as the gunk left on the lip of the bottle from the last guy, but these kids had more important things to worry about. 
The space was crammed, poorly vented, disgusting. Everyone loved it. Bands played for about 15 minutes at a time with a few people out front watching for cops who would rotate between sets. On a busy street like that one, noise complaints were not common, so there was truthfully little to be worried about. In the backyard, two girls were making out passionately on a half busted wooden bench, trying to avoid getting splinters in their asses, and a dbeat kid studded head to toe keeled over the side of the back fence to vomit, a romantic backdrop for their little moment. A circle of stoner kids that had no affiliation with punk but kind of just showed up wherever the drugs were sat and passed around a suspiciously funny smelling joint, remarking on how they didn't know about all this “heavy shit” but liked the general vibe. 
Nearby, Henry, double fisting two bottles of store-brand ripoff Jack belched as he attempted to utter the question “So when is our set?” only realizing after that he was, in fact, talking to a fence. He stumbled up the dangerously busted stairs and swung open the back door violently proclaiming that he was ready to party as if he hadn't already been for the last several hours. Henry was sauced constantly, to the point where a lot of his intoxicated tendencies were just seen as part of his natural demeanor. You generally could not tell when he was drunk or not because he was always drunk. 
In the back room several kids piled on a stinky old leather couch just barely supporting their weight, ready to bust. In the middle of them was one kid in a thrasher vest trying to brush his long hair out of the way with his elbow as he attempted to cut several lines of coke on a busted DVD copy of Videodrome. The kid next to him sneezed, and the powder flew like a sad little cloud, and instantly he was shoved from the couch and told to leave, booted out by the other couch kids with great aggression and narrowly escaping an ass kicking through the kitchen door. Thankfully they were all already way too wasted to get up, so when he left the room, it was as though he had not existed. They licked their fingers and wiped the coke residue from the DVD and dabbed it on their tongues fiendishly hoping to get every last little bit. A crusty kid knelt on the floor and tried to sweep up what was left and snorted it, with all the grime and debris it had mixed with. Realistically, he had consumed worse before. His friends laughed.
The last band had finished their set and Henry had set aside his two bottle friends to plug in his amp when Nelson walked in wondering loudly where the fuck their drummer was. Stink wasn’t even a punk kid, he was a DJ and fucked with the electronic scene, who just so happened to really like drumming on the side. Speaking personally as the narrator removed from this situation, I would argue that his insistence in being there while also taking no interest in the music or community whatsoever was the most punk thing anyone present was doing. 
But, where was he? 
As Nelson hurried to set up the mics and get things in order, Hackney arrived with his bass set up, ready to play within seconds. He always had his shit together. His eyes were red from the 100g edible he had just eaten (the thc content in legally sold edibles was not as heavily regulated at that time so these things were easy to access in the city.) Yet somehow he was clear and present, and immediately irritated that even though they were supposed to start their set right now, their drummer was not even present, and the other two members were wasted beyond belief, even for them. 
Just up the stairs however, a frustrated Stink and his girlfriend Melody were amidst a heated quarrel over several unresolved relationship issues that really could have been discussed at another time. But, as alcohol has a tendency to inhibit judgement and heighten a certain sense of impulse, one or the other, it was unclear who, thought it to be the best time to try to have a discussion. Not just thought so, they felt it had to happen NOW, or their fun time for the night would be ruined with no chance of salvation. 
Stink was not exactly emotionally present, or competent, and communicated poorly. He was also a notorious cheater, an aspect Melody would frequently be in denial of in despite of his repeated offenses, sometimes in full view of her and her friends. He truthfully was not the type to be able to have a girlfriend, but was also unfortunately passive to a fault, and could not stand to end a relationship with someone as lovely and admittedly clingily as Melody. She adored him maybe a bit too much, and had this hope that she could change him somehow. 
 A side-note, from your very gay little narrator here: Please, women of the world, understand. You cannot change your dirtbag boyfriend. Leave Him, Honey. You will be so glad you did. I promise you that. You deserve better. You really do. 
They were fully engaged in an aggressive back-and-forth complete with insults and counter-accusations fit for an episode of Jerry Springer. Melody was clutching a broken red solo cup in her left fist she had crushed in frustration, the remaining beer inside it dripping on the wooden floor. Stink was guzzling a pint of Ancient Age between cruel remarks. After a particularly sour comment, that red solo cup collided with his crooked face, and he returned fire with the nearly empty bottle of Ancient Age. Just then, Henry came storming into the room, grabbed Stink by the collar and dragged him out, leaving Melody to sit and sob on the bed for a little while before composing herself and venturing down the stairs to fix her makeup. Not a single person in this situation even once considered that this was not their room to begin with. The gentleman who lived there would soon come home to discover that his space was briefly a theater for domestic violence in his absence, a discovery that enraged him to say the least. 
Having dragged him down the steps the way a fed up mother would drag a misbehaving child by the ear, Henry shoved Stink behind his drum kit which some well-to-do hipsters took upon themselves to set up for him so the time wasted would not eat into their experimental shoegaze/normcore set, scheduled for immediately after. Seemingly not phased by the last hour or so of nonsense, the band immediately started to go through their setlist. In all fairness, they had a reputation for some level of inconsistency, so when they missed their own cues or played in a tempo different from what was intended for the song no one really noticed it. The whole time, Melody stood amidst the crowd of crust punks, dbeat kids and preppy art school kids, glaring at Stink from behind his drum kit. He however seemed indifferent to the whole situation, and avoided looking her direction for the entire set. 
They would not speak for the rest of the night, he sequestering himself off with his bandmates who went to have a smoke out front and then wandered down the street to the bodega for even more booze they definitely did not need; her nestling herself in the comfort of a small group of queer and trans kids who in despite of being welcomed by this “progressive” community felt as isolated and excluded as ever. They fixed her eyeliner and complimented her outfit while giving her some much needed space to vent, and the rest of the night she spent enjoying the company of her new friends. She would not speak to him again for weeks. Conversely, he would act as though none of it happened and wondered with emotive confusion to his friends why she was upset in despite of her having told him very clearly why. The relationship eventually ended, but not before several attempts at resurrection much to the distaste of their friends on either side who could see what neither was able to; that the combination of the two together was like mixing bleach and ammonia. A very bad idea. 
Upon their return, Henry stayed behind outside, lit another Marlboro, and looked up at the sky. The fog loomed over the distant hills. The occasional car on the nearby overpass zoomed by. He found a moment of peace there. He was the eye of the storm, the settling of the dust before it would be kicked up again. On the horizon, the faintest hint of the morning light began to glow over the city, and the night finally ended. 
Semi-Fictional. The people existed, only some of this actually happened.
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eabhaalynn · 5 years ago
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My 11 Songs of the Decade (because 10 would be boring and is overdone.)
Cigarette Daydreams – Cage the Elephant
The song… This is the closing song of Cage the Elephant’s 2013 album, Melophobia, and the third single released from this album. It describes the pain of someone’s search for their own identity through the musings of a parted lover.
For me… To this day, this is the song I cry to. This always has been me and my friend Iona’s song. It will forever be inseparable from the Ulster Museum and Botanic Gardens in Belfast, from rainy summer’s days and rants about our seemingly massive problems with GCSEs and girls from school. When she went abroad for her gap year, I couldn’t bear to listen to it. It’s another one of these songs that manages to articulate what it feels like to be young and thinking too much.
Key lyric…If we can find a reason, a reason to change Looking for the answer If you can find a reason, a reason to stay Standing in the pouring rain
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uvVJ0v6Vta8
Ribs – Lorde
The song… This is a deep house influenced electronica song that discusses Lorde’s stress over ageing. It was released on her debut album, Pure Heroine, in 2013. It begins ambiently and builds to become increasingly more frantic as the song progresses.
For me… Despite being released when I was a young teenager, this song was written when Lorde was sixteen or seventeen. It articulates exactly what it feels like to be that age, at that stage of life. I’m quite sure teenagers across the globe can relate to that. This song has been the soundtrack of my teenage years, the imagery is both relatable and accessible. Listening now, it gives me a sense of nostalgia, a yearning to be back where I was a year, or two or three years ago. Even now, it is the sound of being alone in a crowd. It is musically perfect, and a piece of exceptional songwriting.
Key lyric…This dream isn't feeling sweet We're reeling through the midnight streets And I've never felt more alone It feels so scary, getting old
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4qaeoz_7cyE
Sign of the Times – Harry Styles
The song…  This is Harry Style’s debut single as a solo artist. It was released in early 2017 and appears on his self-titled debut album. It is a power ballad with eclectic influences from genres such as soft rock, indie rock, glam rock and psychedelic soul. It features Styles’ vocals alongside choral harmonies throughout. It is essentially about avoiding emotion during times of grief and hardship.
For me…This is the song of me leaving school (for the first time). Listening to it now coughs up all the feelings of relief, and yet uncertainty. Excitement, but also nerves. Summer 2017 was a turning point for me. I had had a terrible couple of years over my GCSEs, and overall, my second school was a far better place for me to be than my first one ever was. At the time though, I didn’t know this. Sure, how could I? This song helped me figure out my feelings, and make sense of feeling happy when I really didn’t know what I should have felt at all.
Key lyric…We don't talk enough, we should open up Before it's all too much Will we ever learn? We've been here before It's just what we know
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qN4ooNx77u0
Ride – Lana Del Rey
The song… This song comes from Lana Del Rey’s third EP, Paradise, released in 2012. It served as the first single of this re-release. It is a ballad that includes, among other themes, parental problems, loneliness and alcohol misuse. Del Rey sings over a string drenched, piano driven melody.
For me… This is the song of every summer. It has never been an exceptionally happy song for me, but it is the embodiment of what it is to feel young and alive, if a little bit tired. The glamour of it, alongside the acknowledgement that everything isn’t perfect, but that they will be okay if you just go with the flow, was exactly what I needed at the time it was released. The blissful uncertainty of the summers of being 14 and 15, partnered with the irrelevance of the future, is exactly what this song will always be about for me.
Key lyric… Been trying hard not to get into trouble But I, I've got a war in my mind I just ride, just ride
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_-3di1yx0
Don’t Delete the Kisses – Wolf Alice
The song… This is the second single from Wolf Alice’s second album, Visions of a Life. It is characterised as dream pop, synth pop, shoegaze and indie rock. Frontwoman Rowsell referred to it as “one of those, you know, ‘head out the window on a long drive’ kind of tunes.’
For me… If ‘ribs’ is the sound of being seventeen, then surely this is the sound of falling in love. This song is the ultimate love song. I am absolutely convinced of it. It is greater than any one person as it is simply the sound of the feeling. I am very lucky that I actually was falling in love for the first time at the time this was released. I will always be indebted to Ellie Rowsell for being there to tell me in plain English how I was feeling. This song has defined every ‘lovey dovey’ mood I have been in for the last two and a half years. I’m sure most people of my age feel the same. It was written for the era we are living in and it is perfectly suited to it.
Key lyric…I see the signs of a lifetime, you 'til I die
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WqxE-zppu30
Motion Sickness – Phoebe Bridgers
The song… This is the third single from Phoebe Bridger’s 2017 Debut album ‘Stranger in the Alps.’ It describes “being in love with someone who is super mean to you… like conflicted feelings.” Bridger’s stated to radio station KCRW that the song was written about fellow musician Ryan Adams.
For me… Admittedly, I discovered this song late in the decade. But it’s a song about feelings. Like, really hard feelings. This decade, and especially the latter half of it, threw up a lot of feelings, about a lot of things. I suppose this is fairly standard for most people approaching the end of their teenage years. It’s angsty, without being too bothered about anything. It’s raw and honest; articulating everything I’ve felt about everyone at one stage or another, and I’m equally, I’m sure it articulates enough people’s feelings about me.
Key lyric… You said when you met me you were bored And you, you were in a band when I was born
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9sfYpolGCu8
A & E – Brand New Friend
The song… This illustrates the rise and fall of a relationship, and in doing so highlights the more melancholic acoustic side of Northern Irish indie pop group Brand New Friend. It was initially released in 2016 as the closing song of their debut EP, American Wives, but was remastered and re-released on their 2017 album Seatbelts for Airplanes.
For me… This is the song of the medicine application. Bearing in mind I know this band, and know that there is a well-developed meaning to the song that has nothing to do with me, this is the song that I have listened to, and seen live, countless times from the day I decided I wanted to be a doctor to the day I got into medical school and beyond. It is a rare and beautiful connection to have to a song like this, and one for which I am forever going to be grateful. Now, I can’t hear the song live without bawling my wee eyes out. I have come so far, and the band have too, and the song has been with us every step of the way. That truly means the world to me.
Key lyric… She wants to be a paramedic / Wants to save a strangers life / Now she wants to hold my hand / Does she know she’s saving mine?
https://open.spotify.com/track/5RmOfF1s5zW2B942H9OGXT?si=hsauA8iXQN6mXQnL8s0fBw
Brazil – Declan McKenna
The song… McKenna initially self-released this song in December 2014. It is critical of FIFA, of their awarding of the 2014 World Cup to Brazil without addressing the deep rooted and extensive poverty affecting the Nations people. It gained widespread media attention throughout the FIFA corruption scandal, before featuring on his debut album, ‘What do you think about the Car?’ in July 2017. It is an indie rock song that is driven by guitars and synths.
For me… This song was the sound of 2016 and 2017. It was released a while before this but I was fairly late jumping on the bandwagon. It’s a political song, speaking of the injustices behind FIFA and their 2014 World Cup in Brazil. As an angry little leftist, I have always appreciated this. I can only appreciate it more knowing that Declan McKenna himself was only fourteen when he wrote it. For me the song has many happy memories attached to it, from the long summer walks from my house to the nearest village to see my friends who were working as sailing instructors, to attending a tiny gig of Declan McKenna’s in the Oh Yeah Centre in Belfast and being about 6 feet from his face while he was 6 feet from the cusp of fame.
Key lyric…Because you've had your chances, yeah you've had enough I'm gonna burn your house down to spread peace and love
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=duHjQ3BE6D8
Robbers – The 1975
The song… This is the sixth single from the 1975’s self-titled debut album. It was released as a single in May 2014. The song’s concept follows an ill-fated robbery, and was inspired in part by the 1993 film ‘True Romance.’ It is essentially about a relationship in which the partners are too focused on each other to notice the destruction they are each causing.
For me… This song is fairly definitive of my teenage years as a whole. The narrative of a toxic relationship that the writer could not, or would not leave, was one that I always managed to connect to, across all aspects of my life as a young teenager, encountering uncomfortable situations within school and with different people and groups of friends. Matty Healy was (and honestly still is) one of the biggest crushes I’ve ever had. I’ve now heard this song live three different times, at three completely different phases of my life. It is a song with so much meaning, and yet one that has grown and evolved with me throughout the decade.
Key lyric… Now everybody's dead And they're driving past my old school And he's got his gun, he's got his suit on She says, 'Babe, you look so cool'
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iyy3YOpxL2k
Get Well Soon – Ariana Grande
The song… This is the final song on Grande’s 2017 album ‘Sweetener,’ it is a soul ballad with layered vocals, and is inspired by Grande’s personal anxiety and trauma following the May 2017 terrorist attack following her concert in Manchester. In memory of the 22 victims of this attack, there is a 40 second moment of silence at the end of the song.
For me… I am, and have been, a very anxious person for a very long time. This is something I have never really hid away from, but also never felt up to talking openly about. This song manages to describe the feelings associated with anxiety in a way I have never heard any mainstream musician attempt before. Ariana’s concert which was attacked in May 2017, that which inspired this song, immediately followed her concert that my father and sister had attended, and so the whole song and sequence of events is and always has been very close to home for me.
Key lyric…I'm too much in my head, did you notice? (Girl, what’s wrong with you? Come back down)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hXU4P6j3TNY
She’s Thunderstorms – Arctic Monkeys
The song… This is the first song from the fourth studio album by arctic monkeys; Suck it and See, released in 2011. It originated when Alex Turner was looking for a new way of complimenting someone. It begins with an Eastern inspired riff and is fairly heavily guitar led, characteristic of this period in the Arctic Monkey’s discography
For me… I’d be lying if I said this isn’t one of my favourite songs of all time. I chose it for this list because it is my favourite song by the arctic monkeys, who are my favourite band. Its subject, Alexa Chung, basically leads the life I wish I had. Even more so at the time this song was written than now. I remember being twelve or thirteen and just wanting someone to write something like this for me. The sheer detail of the lyrics is beautiful and so captivating, they played a huge part in helping me find my love for music in an accessible way. I loved, and still do love, the relationship they had. I feel like it translated so well into his music, and into the popular culture that shaped my teenage years exceptionally well.  
Key lyric…Here is your host, sounds as if she's pretty close When the heat starts growing horns She's thunderstorms
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SQSQnHh4rPE
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litakino · 4 years ago
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Yesterday was the 10th anniversary of Rose's death. Also, this November she would've been 30y/o.
She was a close friend of mine, and died of an aneurysm; she collapsed on stage while singing and playing the guitar, and died the next day.
Rose was the same age as my sister, two years younger than me, and her sister is my age and was my best friend. So the four of us were really close, almost like sisters. We would spend the summer holidays either with our family, or theirs, whichever family went to the beach that year.
She was such a big part of my life growing up, that it's weird thinking that she's "stuck" at 20, and I'm 32 now.
I'll try really hard to convey, how important she is to everyone who knew her. How missed she is.
She was so smart, like book smart, but also surprisingly insightful for a 20y/o.
I remember Rose telling me once "I wanted to know if I liked it, so I kissed a girl. But it's not for me". You have no idea how important that was for me. Like I've never even thought of the possibility of not being straight (raised catholic and very conservative), it's not that I was repressed, it was just something I never even considered before.
And she was from a family very much like mine, but able to break away and try her own path (it wasn't that she went around kissing people; and there's nothing wrong with being that person, but she just wasn't, I'm saying this to illustrate how important it was that she did it).
Rose also loved things with all her being. And she was never ashamed of the things she liked. Like she would go into forums and investigate about her heroes and know all there was to know about ER and Sarah McLachlan and Rent and U2 and musicals and Broadway and Wicked.
I'm writing because there's so much she would've done, so many what-ifs I feel I need to make her be present this way, this year.
She wasn't top of her class when she graduated high school, just because she didn't want to spend too much time studying. She was close second though, and that was just with minimal effort. She was a real life Hermione.
Also, Rose was tall, and big, and had long bushy hair. She had to buy her heels from drag queen shops bc her feet were so big, "regular" shoe shops didn't carry her size. And she was CONFIDENT. Like, loved to wear her hair down, big and all, no shits given.
And was really good at shopping for cool clothes, even though most traditionally "feminine" shops didn't carry her size (take into consideration, this was 2009/2010 and we grew up in a small city in Argentina, there weren't many shops available, and "plus size" meant grandma's clothes)
Her last birthday (2010) she rocked a really short shirt-dress with bright yellow tights, I can't even begin to imagine what her style might have been nowadays.
It took her some time to gain that confidence, went through the awkward baggy-pants-and-big-sweatshirt phase like most of us fat girls, but she already loved herself when she was finishing high school. It took me many more years to reach that stage.
I'm painting the best picture, since everything positive about her comes to mind these days.
That's not to say, she was perfect. She definitely wasn't. She was human and made mistakes and (I'm sure) hurt people.
She was loud and could be obnoxious sometimes, but there are very few teenagers and young adults who aren't.
Oh also, Rose really enjoyed singing. And she was really good at it.
She was studying to become an English teacher.
She was really spiritual, and sang in church every Sunday, and was part of the community.
I would love to speak to her now, about feminism and love and gender and sexuality and family. There's so much we didn't know back then, so much I want her insight into.
When I heard the Hamilton soundtrack, all I could think about was about her. And how much she would've loved it.
I want to have the opportunity to hear her rave about things like Lin Manuel Miranda, or Doctor Who, or Good Omens.
I'm glad Rose got to meet my (now) husband, and that she liked him is an endorsement like very few I can think of.
I wonder where she would be living now (I think Ireland or England, studying for her third master and singing in pubs some nights).
I know she would have finally found someone who saw her for who she was, and loved her for it. Perhaps a few whirlwind romances before that.
I wonder if she would've even wanted to have kids.
When Rose died, it was a shock, because no one saw it coming (both her parents are doctors, and the aneurysm was never diagnosed, she never had any syntoms before. And by the time she was rushed into the hospital, it was too late).
Afterwards, slowly but surely, all of her friends and family finished high school, then university. Some of us got married, some got kids. Some moved to other countries.
The year she died, I was out of the country, doing one of those work and travel programs, that encompass our summer (December through March), in WDW. It was something she had actually suggested, that she wanted to do, but last minutes backed out (I never knew why). I was far away from home, working 13-hour shifts (the holidays in the resort are madness). And after her death, a friend suggested some of us took the days off from two weeks, put them together, and take a 4-days trip to NYC. I didn't really have the money to do it, but said yes anyways because Rose wanted to attend Juilliard (childhood dreams), and so we said we were going to visit her in her break (more childhood dreaming). So I ended up eating rice and crackers for a few weeks in order to pay for travel and lodging, but it was so worth it. Everything there reminded me of her, of what she dreamed of doing, of becoming.
I miss her so much, and as I go through life and hit new "milestones", I wonder what she would be doing right now.
Yesterday some close friends and her family gathered (socially distant, and out in the open air) in our old high school. It's a place of 400 square meters, most of which are various sports' fields, and a small forest. It was a place she felt was home, and since the moment she said she wanted to become an English teacher, a spot was there waiting for her to finish her studies.
Anyways, there in the small forest, around the fallen walnut tree, people who loved her, and miss her, gathered, to remember her smiles and jokes and songs.
Her mother read a poem Rose wrote, and her sister sang the solo in "Seasons of Love".
It was lovely, and sad, and had her in every moment.
She is loved, and missed so so much.
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felineincognito · 5 years ago
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Just A Tentative Theory
So I'm new to the Larry and 1D fandoms -brought in by Harry and Loui's solo careers- and I've just binged so many proof videos in literally the two months I've been a part of this thing. Along with all of those I've seen a fair few proof vides of other ships within the fandom, some really biased and others that almost make sense.
Not hating on or discrediting other ships!! This is all just based off my own observations and what I’ve been able to piece together from all of the content I’ve gone through. And I'm sorry it's so rutting long and rambley at bits, I am running on so little sleep I wanna cry and caffeine fumes.
So... this is my babyfan theory and feel free to comment or run with it just remember I'm new to all this and had to get this idea out?
So what if in the beginning, when Louis and Harry met on X-Factor, you have these 2 sweet young boys who like each other but don't really have a lot of hope of anything working out because they're both contestants shooting for the same prize so they harbor these innocent little acquaintance crushes like you'd get on someone you sit down the row from in class in highschool or something right? But then they get made into a group and all of a sudden they're all up in each other's space and they're bunking together and they realize they really do like each other but neither have much experience in relationships yet or more intense emotions so they keep it fairly quiet. They figure that with the press they're getting with the show and the stress of wanting to do well and everyone feeling each other out as a group they really would rather their little romance be just theirs for a little while longer. And of course people in charge of publicity encourage this mindset, telling them that if they come out as a new/forming couple or let it be known they like each other (or just boys in general) that way there would be more attention on that (not all of it good either) than their actual talents or performance(s) and the other boys would be pushed to the sidelines in favor of them and that's just not fair to the other 3 now is it?
Then they don't win X-Factor and they think that's it until they get brought in to make a boyband even though they didn't win because they're just that f-ing popular. But this thing between them is still new and fragile and they haven't had time to work out just what it is or if it's something that's going to last and the label swoops in with a legal gag dressed up as a temporary fix. They don't tell anyone about them, don't do anything overt in public, maybe be seen/paired off with a girl or 2 as a red herring for the press, giving them time to just figure this all out and see if they really will work. And they take it because they're young and this is the chance they've always wanted and there are 3 other lads who will suffer if the two of them turn this down. So they sign and they try to follow the scripts and listen to what their handlers and managers tell them but they're cheeky kids in puppy love and it's almost like a game to see how far they can push it and just what counts as too much when all of the boys are so tactile and affectionate with each other.
And they really do fall in love. In the whirlwind that is the first couple of years, the song writing, the tours, the hours put in at the recording studio and every single press conference and public appearance in between, they fall in love. And it's great and it's good and somewhere along the way they think this might be it for them and they're ready to come out but then the label hits them with the gag they signed and they realize just what it means. They realize that they basically signed away their rights to talk about it or show their love or share it with their fans because it might hurt their image, affect their popularity and hurt their profits. But that's okay, because they have each other and they're in love and the girl Louis is 'dating' isn't so bad and she's cool about the whole thing.
But then it gets hard. The press is making Harry out to be this womanizing sex symbol and pushing for Louis and the girl he's with to start getting serious because supposedly they'd been together while Louis was on the show and really it's about time isn't it? And during all of that the Larry Stylinson fandom has been born and they're putting the pieces together and the lads are cheeky things who are hurting because they can't tell the world they're in love and while Niall supports/ships them (at least from how he acts in proof videos I've seen) Liam agrees with management about not being open about it while Zayn is an odd mix of the 2. So they push it and they let things slip and they give the fans enough to put it together without violating their contracts and yeah management pushes back and takes measures so they don’t seem as close and to hopefully quiet the rumours but overall it's okay again for a while.
Then Harry starts figuring parts of himself out. And he wants to start wearing pretty shirts, bright colours and flashy patterns and painting his nails but they tell him he can't because those are girl shirts and it's too femme to paint his nails and wear bright colours and pastels and it hurts because he just can't be himself. And he wants out. He's tired of being scared he's going to mess up on stage or people won't like their songs enough for the label's liking and he just wants to be able to love Louis without worrying about what everyone else thinks and their little codes and touches just aren't always enough anymore.
So they start to fight. Louis is too scared to leave because he doesn't think he's good enough without the band and they're both still so young and have only been in this world for a few years how can they be sure they'd make it? How do they know that they won't just crash and burn and that will be the end of it? So they fight and they hurt each other and they're already living apart and barely seeing each other outside of work related or group functions because of management and Louis kind of lets himself fall into the illusion of the relationship he's being made to partake in and Harry finds himself growing closer to the other lads and pushing his limits with his wardrobe and public persona.
Now the next bits are where my theory starts to get a little more wobbly because like I said I'm new and my info digging skills are not as good as others in the fandom. A lot of it is based off of videos by freddieismyqueen (before she took them down), larrystylinson 28, Larry Stylinson's Utopia, s e p t e m b e r 2 8 and FireproofLarry.
So in the midst of the fighting and the hurting and both being so scared for so many different reasons they kind of fall apart. To Harry, Louis has chosen his career over their relationship and Louis is hurt and upset that Harry can't/won't see where he's coming from on all of this. And this is where Zarry comes in.
Throughout the Larry jealousy videos one of the things that stuck out to me was that there were a lot of Zarry moments and they seemed closer to the end of the 1D timeline. Before that most of them were just the references to Harry with girls, him being 'flirty' with interviewers or fans or just general cheeky sort of passively possessive moments probably played up to irk management and give the fans more to go off of. But then we get to the points where Harry and Zayn interact more on stage and Louis starts to look right pi**ed and just watches without doing any sort of possessive holding or touches or cheeky little looks and whispers like we're used to. No, Harry and Zayn start flirting on stage or being closer during interviews and Louis is angry and passive aggressive. And in the background Niall looks like he has no idea what the heck to do about all of this and Liam is just done with their cr*p.
So Louis gets his head out of the dirt and tries to make it up to Harry. And it works because this lad is head over heels for Louis and Zayn is left behind. But maybe Harry doesn’t realize that things were a little more on Zayn’s end. Maybe it hurt a little more than expected when the two lads finally figure themselves out. Or maybe Harry and Zayn really were just friends and the ‘Zarry’ moments just ruined his friendship with Louis and he felt it ruined his friendship with Harry too because Louis sees Zayn as a threat now so there’s bloody tension and such all over the place. (personally I’m leaning towards the last and that Louis’ jealous streak probably came out and he had a few a**shole moments because come on guys, he’s only human and they went through a lot as performers in the public eye and if you listen to a lot of his interviews there’s a lot of insecurity issues he’s dealt with over the years)
Then that blessed September 28th happened and it helps their relationship because honeymoon phase yo. But that’s 2013. Life goes on and it gets hard again and they’re pushing it again and life happens. Zayn leaves and it hurts the band because they’re in the middle of a tour and from what I’ve gathered he kind of just shut them out of his life. And so Harry is hurting because losing a friend is hard and Louis is upset that the band is falling apart and the media is having a heyday with the story and they’re in the middle of a blasted tour and that good old jealous streak comes out with Harry being so upset over Zayn leaving. So he’s scared and hurting, and mistakes are made.
Now we know that Liam confessed to a drinking problem at one point and there have been references of Louis having his moments as well. And Louis and Harry still have to ‘date’ girls and Louis is always the long-term one so it would stand to reason that he would have a decent rapport with the girls he’s seen with, that these would be people he learns to be comfortable with. And overindulgence in the presence of someone you trust or are familiar with when you’re hurting can lead to lapses in judgement. Which is probably how we got little Freddie. (And that is all being said of him because we don’t need to drag a child into all this drama people)
Louis being unfaithful, even if it wasn’t intentional, right after Zayn left would put a strain on their relationship and would cause another off period. But they’re still fools in love and married at this point so they try to make it work and they kind of come together again and they figure out how to move forward. But Louis is going to be a dad and their contracts are almost up and Harry still wants out.
So the band splits and Louis is so scared of what comes next and he’s trying to make it all work and the songs he’s released get good responses but not as much as he’d hoped and X-Factor doesn’t pan out and the other 4 are off living their lives. Zayn’s music career is a success and Niall waits awhile but his music is popular fairly right off the bat as well and Liam at least is still in the public eye and Harry is making waves. He’s wearing clothes he couldn’t before and he’s wearing all of the bright prints and flashy colours and those pearls happen and he’s in a movie ya’ll and he’s good at it.
And it takes Louis awhile but he finds his sound and he starts to make music he’s happy with and proud of and he’s finding himself. But he’s still with that old label and the same management.
So here’s where it gets closer to the present. Harry has a thing with Kendall but they part on good terms and I’m guessing it has to do with he tried for appearances sake and she gets it and probably low-key ships them but understands being discreet and giving them time to work it out.
So Louis wants Harry. Harry wants Louis. Louis is probably bound by another form of that dratted legal gag. So Harry waits. Because Harry isn’t scared anymore and he’s figured himself out and he’s happy with himself and he’s in a place where he can be himself and can encourage others to do the same. He gets it now that he’s older and seen more of the industry outside of their 1D bubble and he’s had to handle stuff on his own and he’s killing it.
Louis writes songs about them and being young fools and how love hurts and you have to be either young and dumb or just f-ing brave to go through with it. Harry writes songs about the stages a relationship (specifically theirs) goes through and they have their little rendezvous and Harry fosters this community of love and acceptance of others and Louis talks about finding yourself and being happy with yourself. And Harry has found himself, is happy with himself and Louis is almost there and he’s got that pesky legal gag anyway.
So Harry waits and he’s okay with that because in the end they love each other and he knows where Louis’ heart is and no matter what they have each other, He’s waited this long he can wait a bit more to tell the world just how much he loves this stupid wonderful man.
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mandochlorian · 5 years ago
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CHAPTER SEVEN
A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away…
For over a decade, Y/N Y/L/N has been in a relentless battle with the sinister FIRST ORDER, never getting close enough to destroy one another. After a messy history with the boy who was once known as Ben Solo, he and Y/N had parted ways. Neither sides will rest until Skywalker, the last Jedi, has been destroyed.
A/N: um hello i just wanted to shoutout @mitsuhkai​ for being this series biggest fan & making me feel like this story is worth uploading!!! thank you for all your kind feedback that i’ve only just seen on my posts!!! :)))
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You’re sat by the lake next to Maz’s, trying to catch your breath and sort your thoughts out. How do you even begin to find Kylo Ren? And when you see him, who knows if he’ll give you the mercy of listening. “Searching for me?”  
Gasping, you stand, hand grabbing your lightsaber and igniting it. You face the robotic voice. It’s him. You examine him, seeing the shadows of the light bouncing off of his face, but it comes from a different direction than where the sun hangs in the sky.
 “How are you here?” You ask him, eyes wide with confusion and a sense of fear that you’ve never felt before, “I didn’t sense you arrive.” The mask he wears makes you feel as though you’re talking to a mannequin, something lifeless and still. “You’re not… here. What is this?”
“You want to run but you can’t.” Is all he responds with, ignoring your questions. He doesn’t even seem phased by the fact that the force is connecting the two of you. “It’s too late to run now.” Kylo muses, his hands coming up to his helmet. He takes it off, his brown eyes staring you down, making you feel weak.
There’s a red glimmer shining into the corner of your eye, and you turn to see the small waves on the lake illuminating a red ball of light. Kylo watches you, studying the manner in which the force connects the two of you, though he says nothing about it. Narrowing your eyes at the reflection in the water, you turn your gaze towards the sky. A line of red light tears its way through the sky and you watch as it expands into multiple beams, stopping at different moments as if it’s hit an invisible wall. eyes wide with realisation, you snap your head back to Kylo who has taken a step toward you. 
“See you soon.”
You hear a Wookie’s roar and you turn around, shocked. Han rushing up to you but he pauses when he sees the figure before you. When you turn to look at Ren, you feel he’s already looking back at you. It takes only a moment for him to fade from your view, disappearing just as quickly as he had arrived.
“The Order,” you mutter to Han, eyes cast on the ground the entire time. You kill your lightsaber but you don’t let it go, if anything your hand grips it even tighter, “They’re coming, you need to run.”
“No, no more running,” Han responds, shaking his head. He’s about to continue but a ground-shaking blast shoots through the air, you see it knock into Maz’s balcony. Stone comes tumbling down to the ground, knocking down everything in its wake. “We have to face this.”
“We don’t have to do anything!” You exclaim back, pointing a finger to your own chest, “I’m not part of your Resistance!”
Above you, the whir of three tie-fighters lights up the sky. They head straight for the palace, and you can see Maz’s statue beginning to crumble. “You know what’s right and wrong,” Han continues to try, “You’re really gonna let Maz’s home be destroyed?”
Clenching your jaw, you let out a low growl, “Fuck.” 
Without acknowledging Han’s statement, you break into a sprint, in the direction of the palace. You see Rey, looking at the deteriorating building with horror in her eyes. You can see men clad in white raiding the place and you stop beside her, Han and Chewie fighting their way into where the palace once stood. Something pulls at you, forcing you to look up into the sky. His ship. You recognise it. You try to ignore the sinking feeling in your chest when it begins to land. The only thing that breaks you from staring at Kylo’s ship and feeling his growing presence is the sound of a blaster being fired beside you.
With your wide eyes suddenly on Rey, you see a stormtrooper five feet away sink to the ground. Rey looks just as shocked as you, bringing her hand down and staring at the weapon in her hands. It was the first shot she’s ever taken. You can feel her turmoil, the fact that the trooper may be dead flooding her mind. But you hear her thoughts loud and clear and you know that when she starts shooting more troopers, she’s angrier than she’s ever been in her life.
You help, pushing a group of oncoming troopers back with such ferocity that they don’t stand up again. You both run to the deserted castle and you see Han and Chewie, shooting down as many troopers as they can and still managing to have a quick conversation in the meantime. You can’t believe your eyes when you see Finn wielding a blue lightsaber. What the fuck is going on?
“Maz, get everyone to the Falcon,” you shout to her, feeling your limbs become rigid and still, “Now! Go!” You scream at her, seeing her rushing towards her boyfriend. Han gives you a look, before ushering Finn and Rey towards the edge of the forest. 
You grip your lightsaber, using whatever energy you have to flick it on and hold it by your side. You turn your head to the side, facing the standing door that you’ve turned your back on.
“Look at you,” Kylo Ren mewls, his lightsaber steady in his hand as he stands close behind you, “Working with the enemy… I always thought you had standards, I guess I was wrong.” His voice is filled with rage and betrayal as he walks around you. He lets you go but you don’t turn to face him. He continues walking around you, examining you in a slow circle. “You and Han Solo, united once again,” Kylo mutters, the buzz of his lightsaber circling you as he walks, “Anything to bring me down, huh?” He swings quickly and you block it, taken aback at how close he stood to hurl his weapon at you.
“I’m not with the Resistance, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” you shoot back, pushing your body to slide his lightsaber down from yours. You swing it around your body, taking steps back and keeping your focus on him the entire time. 
“Don’t I?” Ren’s voice mocks you, taunting you as he twirls his lightsaber too, the speed matching yours, “You like to think we’re strangers but I still know you,” he whispers to you, leaning forward as he stares you down, “You're pathetic. So eager to please.” He stresses that word, a scowl tugging at his lips, “That’s why I’m not surprised you’re with Han Solo.” Kylo spits the name out as if its acid on his tongue. When he goes to raise his hand to your head, another rumbling comes from the sky. Both of you have your lightsabers aimed at one another but your focus is on the incoming x-wings. “Friends of yours?” Kylo spits, his lightsaber coming down against yours even harsher than before. It’s filled with more rage this time.
“Relative of yours?” You shoot back, using the force to push him back by his shoulders. Anything to stop the hateful proximity. You circle one another and you use this time to speak, as the x-wings come closer, shooting troopers down, though you both pay no mind to them.
“I didn’t want to do this.” He admits, his voice low. “But you’ve forced my hand.” You know Kylo is here for two things: for you and for the map. All you can hear are shouts, heavy footsteps, blasters being shot. All the while, you watch Kylo Ren as he runs towards you with his lightsaber high in the air. You block the attack, feeling the wind in your lungs almost completely knocked out as his saber crashes down onto yours. Red sparks fly from his blade, burning your cheeks before fizzling out. He listens as you whimper, “I warned you, I tried to warn you. I told you to join me,” Kylo breathes painfully, admiring how the red light of his saber illuminates your features, “you know what I have to do now.”
“You don’t have to do anything.” You reply to him, feeling the weight of his weapon loosen slightly against yours before strengthening again. Pushing him to the side, you escape him, only for him to strike you once again. “None of us do. We can end this, together!” You shout, blocking him again and again. You hold your hand out, stopping and freezing his attack mid-strike, “Aren’t you tired of doing what you’re told?”
“You’re too late.” He pulls his saber away, crashing it down once again and you’re barely able to keep your legs from buckling under the force of it.
“No, don’t,” you grunt, eyebrows furrowed at the effort you make to keep standing.
 Kylo pulls away but swings back down against your weapon. His eyes are filled with something close to fear when his strong attack sends you to your knees. Whimpering, you hold your lightsaber up steadily.
“You can’t hide yourself from me, Ben,” His eyes widen when you say his name, feeling his inner conflict tear him apart. It’s not like usual, you say his name with some kind of intimacy he’s never felt before, “You don’t want to do this, I know you don’t. It’s clear on your face... You can’t hide from me.”
When he raises his arm high, his feet apart, you take a moment to breathe. Turning your own lightsaber off, Kylo’s brown eyes widen. It all feels slow, though it happens so quickly. You watch him, seeing him rush to stop before his weapon can connect with your chest. When you close your eyes, you open up your mind to him. Pausing, he sees… everything. He knows you’ve seen the map, it’s the first thing that floods into his mind. But then he sees his the face of his father. Old. Grey. But the same. And he sees his mother. Kind. Caring. Aged but… beautiful. The same face that he had taken solace in as a child before the manipulation and torment had begun.
Kylo lets out a frustrated grunt, wishing with his entire being that he could kill you right here right now. He turns around, lightsaber coming to hit the wall behind him in anger. He wishes he could slice you apart and be free of this pain, to end the pull to the light like Snoke wants. But he can’t. No matter how hard he tries, he can’t do it. You rise to your feet, putting your lightsaber away. 
Kylo rips his helmet from his head, tossing it to the ground and he marches up to you, “You’re weak!” He shouts at you, his eyes fluttering at the way you’re looking at him, “You’ve always been weak. Now you’re pretending to have the family you never had, the family that turned you away because you’re worthless.”
“You’re trying to get me angry.” You note, giving him a nod.
“You belong beside me.” He ignores your statement, his voice angry and desperate, “You always have. You’re just as dark as I am.”
You shake your head at him, “It won’t work. I don’t hate you. I’ve never hated you, I’ve always hated Kylo Ren.”
His eye twitches, he raises his weapon towards you, “I am Kylo Ren.” Staring at you intensely, you begin to feel weak. Letting out a grunt, you feel him pushing you down with the force and you can’t stand any longer. You’re on your knees once again, his lightsaber at your throat. “You are weak…” he repeats, nodding to himself, “Your weakness, it seeps into me, making me weak… And once you’re dead, I’ll be free of it.”
You feel the heat sear the skin at your neck, “You won’t be free of anything… not until you’re free of him.”
“Those are your last words?”
“You know it’s true.” You continue, looking up at him. His hair frames his face, slightly covering his eyes, as you speak. You can’t help but close your eyes at the pain inside your head, “Ben, you have control in this situation, okay?” You nod, eyes opening to stare up at him, “If you want to kill me, nobody can get in your way… But just know this, if you want to go home…”
“I don’t want to come home!” He mumbles.
“But do you want to do this?” You ask him, your breath becoming heavy, “If any part of you wants to be free… really free,” you feel the defence around his mind weaken and for once his thoughts aren’t like busy highways, all you can hear is his thoughts of you right now, in this moment. Your eyes widen slightly, “I will help you.”
“Why are you doing this?” His voice sounds broken, like he’s being betrayed once again as he pulls his lightsaber away from you, “Who’s side are you on?”
“I’m not on anyone’s side.” You furrow your eyebrows, shaking your head slightly.
“So you’re in it for yourself then?” He scoffs, gripping his lightsaber tighter, walking around you slowly.
“I was,” You admit, stepping away from him each time, “I thought maybe if you were gone that I’d finally feel… like I was worth something, because that meant that I was really better than you.”
“You were going to kill me. I sensed it inside of you.” He states.
“No,” you shake your head, “They were all lies. All I ever wanted to do was bring you home. I want Ben back, it’s time for him to come home.”
“Ben Solo never did anyone any good.” Kylo spits, glaring at you, “He was weak. And he was turned away.”
“He was my friend!” You exclaim. His frantic eyes watch you, confused, angry, unsure. “Ben Solo might be the only friend I’ve ever had. You’re not alone in all of this. I couldn’t take your hand but I can take Bens. I want to take Bens.”
Kylo’s lightsaber turns off, there is only silence between you two now. “It’s too late.”
“I don’t believe that. You can stop all of this.”
“It’s too late.” He repeats, but he doesn’t attack you again. He doesn’t look at you, but he extends his hand. There’s a moment here, where you both stare at one another. You take his gloved hand, standing up and watching him closely. Kylo clenches his jaw, looking at how you still hold his hand still kneeling, “He’ll never let me leave. He’ll follow me wherever I go, no place in the galaxy is safe for me anymore.” His breath is erratic as his body racks with exhaustion. He looks down at you, “I know what I have to do. We’re both sure of our place now.” He adds, giving you a nod and for once it feels like you’re both balanced. Where did all that anger go?
You feel the need to tell him, “I trust you.”
 “It’s all an act,” he mumbles to you, giving you a slight nod, “It’s hard to tell what’s real and what’s made up, isn’t it?” And even when his hand comes up to rest your head upon the floor as he pushes you to the ground, you continue to look into his eyes. “Close your eyes.” He whispers to you, his brown eyes heavy on yours. You take a breath, doing as he says. When you hear his lightsaber ignite beside your ribs, the shock makes you open your eyes. You feel no pain, because his weapon never touched your skin. Kylo watches you, searching your mind and he knows you understand. Snoke will think you’re dead when he searches Kylo’s mind. You close your eyes again, though all you see is black, the last thing you hear is the voice of an old, old friend, “Find me.”
taglist: @mitsuhkai​ @antoniamarie1989-blog​ @haylaansmi​ @leilei-draws​ (so sorry about the mix up with the tag list @leilei-draws​ !)
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fics-of-my-mind · 5 years ago
Text
Trust - Chapter VII.
'Nick, just leave me alone,' I said answering the phone. My voice was way too whiny for my liking.
'Talk to me, please,' he replied sounding tense and a bit worried. 'I know that I didn't have time to talk, since Priyanka interrupted us, but...'
'Yeah, and now that you have, do you expect me to just be on standby and jump into a conversation when you give me the honor of talking to me?!' I asked, my bitter self trying to push him as far away as possible.
'No, but...'
'I'm not just someone that you can go to whenever you feel like it, then don't give a shit about for days.' I know that I was overreacting, yet I couldn't stop myself. I was irritated and having period cramps and the two together didn't lead to any good.
'I'm sorry that I made you feel like that,' he said calmly, and I hated that only from hearing his voice I was already feeling calmer. 'I just couldn't get away, Priyanka knows that something is up.'
'And what is that?' I asked quietly, biting my lip. Not that I was in the mood for this conversation but we might as well did it now. 'What are we doing?'
He was quiet for a while. Then I could hear him sigh deeply.
'I don't know.' His voice was uneasy and unsure.
Warnings: mature content, BDSM content Pairing: Nick Jonas / Other Female Character This fanfiction can also be found on Wattpad by fnntth
I don’t own Nick Jonas or any other recognizable characters. This fanfiction is completely fictional, its only purpose is entertainment.
Chapter VII. - Play me your guitar, that song I love
Nick’s texts are bold
Milla’s texts are italic
'What have you been doing today?' Nick asked. We've been on the phone for the past twenty minutes, the mood between us extremely flirty and light. I guess that's what FaceTime sex does to you. I would've expected it to be awkward, but we weren't at that phase yet, I guess. We were avoiding talking about last night like real mature adults.
'Not much,' I shrugged. 'I've been fangirling,' I brought up the topic. Truth is, I wanted to talk to him about some recent discoveries I've made in the past few hours, just didn't know how to bring up the topic.
'Oh, really?' he asked cheekily. 'I thought as a great Jonas Brothers fan for life there is nothing new for you,' he noted, and I could almost see the conceited smirk on his face.
'There is barely anything about you that could surprise me, but...' I started, biting my lip.
'I'm not going to like this, am I?' Nick asked, his senses working perfectly.
'Probably no.' There was a pretty big chance that he is no going to like the topic, but after everything I've read on Tumblr and Wattpad for the past few hours – really, I could still be surprised of how easy it was to get lost in the sea of information and theories -, I needed to know what was true. 'Demi Lovato,' I said her name, having a feeling that he'd get the idea of my recent reads.
'I had a feeling you weren't just going to let that go,' he noted, sounding a bit frustrated. I didn't care. Nick knew almost everything about me and my life, it was only fair if I got to take a glance in his.
'Well, I mean, she is one of my teenage idols. I love her voice, I've loved her songs.'
'Yeah, so did I,' he sighed deeply. I imagine this must've been an uncomfortable topic for him, but wasn't the point of this whole 'friendship' to be open with each other? Most of the things I've told Nick made me very uncomfortable too, but I still did it.
'Something happened between you two,' I started.
'What do you think exactly happened between us?' he asked. I wasn't even surprised that he didn't just start to share the story right away, but rather made me tell him that I think went down. He could've just shot me down, saying that he wasn't going to talk about it, but for whatever reason he didn't. Maybe he presumed that if he wasn't going to share, I wasn't going to share either.
'You want to know how much the fans could see of it?' I asked. It was kind of interesting, talking with him about this. We got a basis of comparison about how much the outside world could actually guess about the events between two celebrities.
'I do,' he replied. 'I promise I'll tell you what actually happened, I'd just like to hear how the outside world perceived it.'
I could understand where he was coming from. This could give him an insight on how to do things if he actually wanted to keep his private life private. I felt so touched that he didn't even try to deny answering my question. I had no idea why he trusted me this much. I mean, yes, I've told him some of my deepest darkest fears and concerns, but I was a no one compared to him. My private life getting out in the open didn't matter, while his private life being leaked could lead to serious troubles. Not that I had any intention of betraying his trust, but the mere fact of Nick not being concerned about me selling him out, had me in awe. I don't think anyone has ever laid such trust in me.
'You and Demi were best friends. First your success as Jonas Brothers boosted hers, then after the band broke up, her success boosted your solo career. You did interviews together, mutually promoted each other, went on tour together.'
'Everything you've said is correct,' he replied carefully, waiting for me to continue.
'Somewhere along the line you started to have feelings for each other. You had the question whether or not ruining the friendship between you two was worth it, whether it could become something serious. I imagine you were the one that didn't want to risk it, since Demi wrote those songs about you.'
'I was,' he nodded. 'I'm not sure they were romantic feelings in the beginning anyway. Maybe it was just pure lust, I mean, we were both sexy, both single, maybe something just brought our attraction towards each other to the surface.'
'I think you were extremely annoyed about the songs,' I chuckled, continuing my presumptions. I loved those songs by the way, I always thought that Demi was an incredible artist and both Only Forever and Ruin The Friendship were amazing songs.
'Why would you think that?' he asked, sounding a bit amused.
'Because you're a control freak,' I shrugged. At this point of our acquaintance it wasn't an assumption, it was more of a fact. He didn't even try to deny it. 'And Demi just wrote a song with not only some hints, but your initials in the lyrics. Everybody knew it was about you, and, well, Ruin The Friendship was also kind of candid,' I explained. 'But I guess the songs did the trick in the end, didn't they?'
'I was so mad at her,' he said, reminiscing. 'I always tried to keep my personal life, most of my feelings under wraps, until at least I was sure of where things were going. Yet here comes Demi and tells the world about what was going on between us.'
'What is the 'you're only brave in the moonlight' thing about? Did you two sleep together earlier, or...?'
'No,' he replied instantly. 'But we did talk about crossing the line a few times, usually when we were both drained or tired or emotional and not thinking clearly.'
'So when did you two cross the line?' I asked, the fangirl in me being on her peak. This was amazing, I was getting details that I never thought I'd hear.
'Last night of tour,' Nick sighed. 'It would've been stupid to try anything until we had to constantly work together.'
'And what happened?' I continued the questioning. 'I mean, the girl was so clearly in love with you.' Not that I could blame her.
I didn't want to assume what exactly went down between them, I was hoping that Nick would tell me. Sure, I've read fan theories, even some fanfictions, but hearing the tale of two friends becoming more from the first hand seemed like the most reliable source.
'Yeah, she was.' His voice sounded sad, and I suddenly felt guilty from bringing up old scars just because I was curious. 'I wasn't. For me it turned out to be only lust and extremely deep love for my best friend. I'm not saying that it couldn't have worked, but... I was young and didn't think that a relationship I needed to work hard for, even if it was with someone as amazing as Demi was worth my time. I wanted to concentrate on my career and...' he stopped.
'And the friendship was ruined?' I guessed quietly. It was a sad story, something I really felt bad about.
'Exactly. We were stupid to ruin something great in our lives.'
'Did you try to fix it?'
'Sure. But Demi said she couldn't be my friend, that she needed time, then she started getting into bad crowds and using again, and...'
He didn't have to finish the story. Demi Lovato overdosed and almost died. The media was full of that story, and Demi was gone for a long time after that. I'm sure that there were parts that I could've asked about, like if Joe and his past relationship with Demi was a factor in all this, but I felt like this information was already much more that I could expect from Nick.
'I'm sorry,' I said. 'For asking, and bringing it up.'
'Don't apologize for wanting to get to know the real me, Milla,' he said quietly. He's said this countless times before, but I still felt like I was intruding in the private life he's worked so hard for to keep private. 'I don't apologize from asking about your life either.'
'It wasn't your fault, you know,' I said carefully, sensing that Nick was partly blaming himself for Demi's overdose. I mean, they were friends, then they did something stupid that they couldn't fix and the she almost died. I've known Nick for long enough to know that it couldn't be something that he took so lightly.
'Thank you, but­—' his answer was suddenly cut into half, when another voice joined in our very private conversation.
'Nick? What are you doing? Why aren't you in bed?'
Even if I didn't know the voice, I could've guessed. It was Priyanka.
My heart instantly started racing faster, and my breath caught up in my throat. Nick was also startled, judging from his lack of answer for a minute.
'I'll be right there, Pri,' he said uneasily, his voice a trembling a little, before disconnecting the call without another word.
This was more than enough to make me feel like a dirty mistress, someone that could be just shaken off when the wife entered the scene. Nick's 'I'm so sorry' text a few seconds later didn't exactly help ease my thoughts.
We've barely talked the next day. Or the day after that. Or the day after that. It was all making me crazy and surprisingly sad.
So, I'm watching Camp Rock
I sent the text biting my lip. It was four days later and I had no idea where we stood. We went four days with not speaking more than some basic 'how was your day' texts and it was making me go crazy in my head. At least I've had work to take my mind off things, but it wasn't really helping.
After partly getting over the event of hearing Priyanka calling Nick to bed, my mind kept racing around that night. How aroused I was, how sexy Nick looked. How he had control over me, even though he was far, far away. How sensitive I was and what unknown things I've felt.
Not that I could fully let go of the wife thing. Feeling guilty was something I've never expected to come. Yet, as I kept thinking about Nick, about how much I wanted him, how he's been acting, the constant texts, phone calls, face times and opening up to each other, I couldn't help but feel guilt crawling into my bones.
He was married. Married to an amazing and beautiful woman. A woman loved by millions, fans shipping them all around the world. He's had a very public relationship, engagement and wedding to that woman. His family's welcomed her into their circle. Even though everything we've been doing seemed harmless, somehow I didn't feel like it was anymore. Not with sex being on the table, even if just as a conversation topic.
It clearly wasn't just a fan crush anymore. It started to turn into something real, with real things happening between us, even if just online, 6000 miles apart. I didn't know what to expect, what to hope, everything was making me feel crazy, especially the fact that we went days without a normal conversation.
I've missed his voice, his texts and it scared the shit out of me. I've never felt this about anyone, especially not someone like Nick. I don't know if it was the sex talk part of our relationship, or just the fact that for two months we were constantly connected to each other via our phones, but I missed him bad. So, I dug up my old fangirling ways and started watching one of the earliest programs I ever laid eyes on him: Camp Rock.
I or II?
2.
You started to be hot in this one.
started to?
I know you hate to hear it, but Joe was hotter than you back then
He didn't answer for minutes and I just started thinking that I shouldn't have said that when my phone buzzed again.
the only thing that matters is I'm hotter now
been hotter ever since the band went on a hiatus
I smiled at him not saying that the Jonas Brothers ended, but putting it as if it was just a hiatus. I knew he blamed himself, it was clear from interviews, even though he tried to play it cool. Always said that at least he got the band back together. But whenever we've talked about it, I could feel his guilt that was still there.
I don't know about that
Joe was so hot in See No More
is this a hint to give you my brother's number so you can stalk him?
I rolled my eyes at him. Even though I'd probably go into fangirl mode if he sent me Joe's number, he wasn't the Jonas I wanted to be connected to.
Don't worry
that damn shirtless selfie made you hotter
C'mon, we all know which selfie I was talking about.
I'm glad
Okay.
His answers were kind of short and emotionless. It's like he didn't want to talk, or he tried to keep the texting as short as possible. Any other time I would've assumed that he was with Priyanka, but now, thanks to us barely talking for days and what happened between us a few nights ago, plus almost getting caught, my mind was heading towards darker places.
Maybe this was it.
Maybe this should be it.
Maybe this was all he wanted. Some fun with a girl he was never going to see again.
Maybe now that it was risky for us to talk, he didn't want to do it anymore.
I wasn't going to push myself on him – not that I could really. If he wanted to talk, he'd text or call me. Otherwise I had to try and let this go. Not that this was going anywhere. He had a wife. We lived 6000 miles away from each other. He was Nick Jonas. Our lives weren't compatible, not at all.
I was just some girl, someone he passed the time while he was closed in his own home. Getting to know a stranger, that was interesting for the both of us. Maybe we mutually used each other to keep our minds off the current situation.
Anyway, I was a winner in this situation. I've gotten to know the Nick Jonas, the man that I've been a fan of since I was twelve. I got to learn things. I also understood better now who he was. And it wasn't just the 'Nick Jonas factor', it was also the fact that I've been talking to Nick. Just Nick. A regular boy. An amazing person. It was so worth it, even if this is it.
My stomach clenched when thinking about this being the end.
I didn't want that, I've gotten used to having him talk to me.
We went another three days with barely texting, and I was already mourning the relationship we've never even really had. I was like this at times, overthinking, letting go of things way too suddenly. I just couldn't really handle the feelings I was experiencing.
Being on my period didn't really help the case. It made my bad mood a thousand times worse.
By the time the weekend came, I was curling into fetal position on my couch, wallowing in my self-pity and thinking about how I've never truly appreciated that this was happening between us. It was like a shock, all happened so quickly and I just had to go with the flow. I was really thinking about letting go of Nick completely, like being so over-dramatic and unfollowing him on Instagram, but I couldn't make myself hit the 'unfollow' button. And, really, it was too much.
I was watching Gossip Girl, trying to get some comfort in my pain – both emotional and physical. Maybe it was a little exaggeration, but I was actually in a lot of pain. I felt more alone than ever, I wanted this coronavirus situation to finally be over, I wanted to see my friends and I wanted Nick. I would've given anything for a chance to hug him, or even, just to see his pretty face.
Yet, the moment my phone's screen lit up with his name, notifying me of an incoming call, I hit the decline button. Two minutes later, when he was calling again, I just let it ring.
I was cranky, I was whiny, I was hurting, and as much as I missed Nick, I was mad at him for ignoring me for so long.
The third time, it was a FaceTime call that I decided to ignore.
are you ignoring me?
I opened the text but left it on read. I just didn't feel it in me to communicate with him in any way. Not in my period pain, or the tiredness of the week. Not when my mind was in dark places.
so yes
Came the next text.
I won't leave you alone until you talk to me
I knew it wasn't just an empty threat. Nick definitely was the person to always get what he wants. This made me angry.
Not in the mood, Nick
what's wrong?
I scoffed and turned the phone facing down.
Nothing should've been wrong, yet I felt like everything was. I was having opposite feelings, part of me dying to hear Nick's voice and feel a bit better, the other part wanting to ignore him and let him go before he got even closer to me. He was already way too close.
My mobile buzzed with a few more text messages that I didn't even read, before he was calling me again.
'Nick, just leave me alone,' I said answering the phone. My voice was way too whiny for my liking.
'Talk to me, please,' he replied sounding tense and a bit worried. 'I know that I didn't have time to talk, since Priyanka interrupted us, but...'
'Yeah, and now that you have, do you expect me to just be on standby and jump into a conversation when you give me the honor of talking to me?!' I asked, my bitter self trying to push him as far away as possible.
'No, but...'
'I'm not just someone that you can go to whenever you feel like it, then don't give a shit about for days.' I know that I was overreacting, yet I couldn't stop myself. I was irritated and having period cramps and the two together didn't lead to any good.
'I'm sorry that I made you feel like that,' he said calmly, and I hated that only from hearing his voice I was already feeling calmer. 'I just couldn't get away, Priyanka knows that something is up.'
'And what is that?' I asked quietly, biting my lip. Not that I was in the mood for this conversation but we might as well did it now. 'What are we doing?'
He was quiet for a while. Then I could hear him sigh deeply.
'I don't know.' His voice was uneasy and unsure.
'I need an answer Nick,' I shook my head. Hormones were making me go crazy, so the next moment I was on the verge of tears. 'Is it just fun for you? Just making this whole quarantine shit go away faster? I...'
'No, of course not. You know that I'm not someone who just plays around with people,' he replied instantly, almost as if he was shocked that I'd even imply that he was just using this whole thing for fun. 'C'mon, I've told you things about me that I never told anyone.'
'Then wh—, you're married,' I said. Saying the word 'married' caused me to wince. 'Whatever this is, it isn't right.' We both knew it wasn't. Even if it just started off as innocent texting, getting to know each other, when the sex talks and constant flirting began, it stopped being harmless. 'Maybe we shouldn't talk anymore.' One teardrop made its way down my cheek.
'Don't say that,' Nick said quickly. 'You don't mean that.'
I stayed quiet. I really wanted to mean it, I should've. It would've been the right thing to do. I bit my bottom lip as more and more tears started following the first one.
'Tell me what's wrong,' he asked after a few minutes of silence on the line. His voice was deep, caring, and I almost felt better as he spoke the words.
'I'm just so... alone,. I've just realized how much, when you didn't have time to talk to me, I guess,' I shrugged, drying some of my tears off. These last few days showed me how lonely I exactly was. I felt stupid, not realizing it earlier that just because we were talking with Nick, he still wasn't with me. 'Whatever, Nick, I don't want to burden you with this, you have more important prob—'
'Hey, hey, hey,' he cut into my words. 'You are never burdening me, okay? I want to know how you're feeling. What you're feeling.'
'Lonely. And... guilty.'
'Don't,' he said, and I could almost see how frustrated he was. 'Out of the two of us, you shouldn't be the one to feel guilty.'
'Do you?' I asked in a small voice.
'Yes. All the time.' His voice was firm, hones, yet somehow sensitive. 'But I also feel happy when I'm talking to you. Free. Like I can finally breath. You're like coming up for fresh air after almost drowning.'
Words. He was good with them. And they were just what my sensitive and tired soul needed to hear.
'That's very poetic, Jonas,' I said sarcastically, with a tiny smile playing on my lips. 'Almost like you're a songwriter or something.' I could her a soft chuckle from the other end of the line, and it made my heart melt. 'You know what would make me feel better?'
'What?' he asked instantly, his voice so soft.
'If my favorite Jonas Brother sang to me,' I asked sheepishly. Honestly, I have no idea why I haven't asked him before.
'I knew I was your favorite.'
A/N: Thank you so much for your feedback on the last chapter! I’m so glad that I’m not the only person liking this story.
Please share your thoughts with me! Where do you think it is going? Do you like it? 
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anime-alyssa · 5 years ago
Text
princess alderaan - pt 2
one | two | three | four
tag-list: @ihavefailedyouanakin , @bitch-imma-head-out , @ravngers , @xxsirensong , @benskywsolo , @theroyalbrownbarbie
also on ao3.
“Just…don’t do anything stupid” “I’ll try but I can’t guarantee anything”
——
Leia had not stopped bragging to you for weeks about how she was right and how she knew you and Poe would be good together. She told you about how she threatened demotion, Chewie told you about how he threatened to rip his arm out of his socket (Poe didn't understand Wookiese, so you had to translate that for him, with laughter), and despite at least those threats (you also knew he definitely got more from other people, like Rey at least) he stuck around. He stole kisses from you in the corner of the Command Center, behind his X-Wing, and outside of your quarters.
You took late-night walks with him through the jungle almost every night. He told you about his life - his parents, his 'rebellious' phase after his mother passed and his job as a Spice Runner before going into the Resistance. You told him about growing up with Ben, the trouble the two of you would get into that drove your mother absolutely mad, and then living with your dad as a teenager on the Falcon and smuggling together.
Despite how the Resistance felt about your brother (the ones who knew what happened to him, that is), Poe let you talk about him endlessly. Which you were thankful for, because your mother got depressed whenever you talked about Ben or brought him up and you didn't think anyone else would care. But Poe did. He laughed at your antics and when you told him the story of when you two almost crashed the Falcon trying to get it to just lift off, resulting in two weeks worth of chores on the ship from your father as punishment. He really got a kick out of that one.
"I was 10 and he was 14 - he should have known better but how was I supposed to know better?" you said in your defense.
"Best pilot in the galaxy, huh?" he replied to you with a smirk, wrapping his arms around your waist in the moonlight. Poe didn't give you a chance to fight back because his lips were on yours in a matter of seconds. Every time you kissed, you felt butterflies in your stomach and felt sparks on your lips. He was a pain in the ass but he absolutely swept you off your feet, and you weren't complaining. His hand always found its way to your hair, gently knotting itself there as yours found the back of his neck, attempts to bring you two closer than before. You ended up flush against each others bodies - as flush as you could get with clothes on.
You and Poe had discussed taking things slow. You had never really dated before - who would even dare try to go near you with Han Solo and a Wookie for body guards in your teens - and Poe was just really trying to not screw things up. You only just got past the touching each other territory and exploring each others bodies in the darkened room of his quarters, and while he may seem like the type who would want to immediately move things to third base, he was ever so gentle with you and refused to do anything to you that you weren't comfortable with.
He made you incredibly happy, anybody with eyes could see that. And you did the same to him.
Currently, the two of you were laying on his bed, you in one of his shirts and him in just his boxers, dreading getting up for the morning. His arms were around your waist and his head was buried into your neck, sound asleep. You woke before him most mornings like these, knowing that you had to get back to your quarters with your mother to change and get ready. However, he didn't make it easy for you. The second you moved he would hold you tighter, grumbling about how you didn't have to leave so early.
"Only one of us can be late for the meeting, and it's not going to be me." you whispered to him after he finishing complaining. He let out a tired laugh as he rolled onto his back, bringing you on top of him. You softly kissed him, using this as your means for escape. He complained as you threw on your pants and your own shirt instead of his, getting ready to depart his quarters.
"One of these days, you're not going to need to leave to get ready." he said tiredly to you, slowly trudging himself out of bed to say goodbye until later. He wrapped his bare arms around you and kissed you again. "I'll see you later, babe."
"Counting on it. Don't be late!" you said, scolding him as you walked out the door. You heard him huff with laughter as you shut it behind you, making your way over to your quarters and walking in quietly, in an attempt to not disturb your mother if she was still sleeping.
"Why don't you just leave clothes at Dameron's quarters? You already sleep there almost every night." your mother asked you as you walked in. Of course, you couldn't get lucky and have her be sleeping. That would just be the kind of luck that you knew you didn't have.
"I don't sleep there that often." you mumbled, going into your bedroom to use your refresher and get ready. Leia scoffed, walking out the door and leaving you to get ready. Deep down, you knew she was right. You should just leave some stuff at his place, but your inner anxiety told you that doing that would be to much of a commitment between you two. You knew that you liked Poe a lot, but you hadn't even told each other that you loved each other.
Did you love him? Probably. But did he love you? You didn't know. A relationship was uncharted territory for the two of you. You knew that you had never felt feelings this strong for anyone else in your life.
Those were things you would have to figure out at another time. For now, you needed to finish getting ready to go to a meeting with your mother and the rest of the base. You slipped into some fresh clothes quickly, brushing your hair out as you went and putting it in a low, lazy braid before walking out the door. You realized you were probably going to be late as you walked out the door, knowing that you'd probably hear it from Poe as you arrived. Sure enough, he shot a smirk your way as you went and stood by him.
"Only one of us can be late, huh?" he said to you. You shushed him as Leia looked at you narrowly, beginning the meeting.
"As many of you know, not only are we low on supplies but our spy in the First Order has recently contacted us. They claim to have some information on the rumored return of Emperor Palpatine. I know we haven't heard any of this ourselves through our radios, but we need to take any crumb we can get on this matter." Leia said to the group. You sighed next to Poe, almost forgetting about the Palpatine rumors all together. He placed a hand on your back and spoke up to the group.
"General, I volunteer myself for this mission. Let me, Finn and Rey get the supplies and the information. As long as we have the drop points and coordinates, we will be fine." Poe said to her.
"And what ship do you intend to use for that?" she asked him. You felt Poe stiffen next to you, and you immediately knew that he was going to ask. Chewie made a low growl from behind you, signaling that he knew too.
"With General Solo's permission... the Falcon." he said slowly. Chewbacca put a paw on your shoulder and Finn looked at you from next to Rey and Rose, as did your mother. Sighing, you spoke up.
"Only if I'm allowed on the mission and Chewbacca and I fly." you proposed. Chewbacca growled out that it was a fair deal, Poe sighing next to you now.
"General Solo can go on the mission with you, and she pilots, Chewbacca co-pilots. Rey stays with me for training. You'll use R2 to save the transmission data, so he'll go as well." Leia said back to you. You nodded, as did Poe and Finn. Chewbacca roared that he would go get the ship ready for take off as the meeting concluded. You were just about to follow Chewbacca when your mother snatched your arm. "Be careful. And you - just.... don't do anything stupid." she said to you, directing her last statement to Poe.
"I'll try, but I can't guarantee anything." Poe said back to her. She slapped his arm and looked back at you.
"He meant to say yes." you said as you lead Poe away from her, Finn following behind.
"General, are you sure you're okay with coming?" Finn asked you.
"Yes, Finn. If I wasn't, I wouldn't have volunteered to come in the first place. Plus, I'm not letting Poe ruining my father's ship again." you said, walking onto the Falcon.
"I mess up the hyperdrive one time..." he mumbled as you made your way to the pilots seat. Poe slid into the seat behind you and Finn on the opposite behind Chewie. R2 beeped in encouragement from behind all of you, locking himself down as to not move. You plugged the coordinates in and with shaky hands, began to take off. You lifted off from the planet quickly, seeing the ground get smaller below you until eventually, you were in the stars and could see the planet below you.
"Prepare to make the jump. Strap in, boys. Lock down, R2." you said to them. Chewbacca gave you a roar of acknowledgment as you pulled down the lever to jump into hyperspace. The Falcon soared into it, leaving you a moment to catch your breath. Chewbacca called you out for your nervousness, and in this moment you were thankful neither could understand him. "I am not! Be quiet you." you scolded back to him. Poe and Finn looked between the two of you curiously - but said nothing to try and guess what was going on. "When we arrive, Finn and Chewie will get the supplies onto the ship while Poe opens up the top hatch to get the information from the spy loaded onto R2. I'll stay over here so incase we need to make a quick getaway, we can." you told them. Everyone seemed to agree, which made you feel better as you jumped out of hyperspace.
The second you did though, your heart dropped.
"Shit - cloak the ship now!" you cursed upon seeing a few TIE fighters in the area. Chewbacca roared as he did so and you sped up, buzzing past them. "Okay, we may need to make this quicker than we thought." you said to them.
"Chewie, go with Finn to the back and get ready for the supplies, I'll take over!" Poe said to him. Chewbacca looked at you for approval and when you nodded, he did as Poe said. "This isn't going to be easy, babe." he said to you.
"I know it isn't." you told him back, going in for your landing and lowering the ramp, also opening the top hatch in the process. "Get that information!" you told him. He nodded as he stood up, running with R2 following him to get the information from the spy. You were on edge, nerves kicking in as you just had a feeling that this wasn't going to go well, like Poe said. "Hurry up!" you shouted back to them. Chewbacca and Finn were back on the Falcon, ramp now sealed and waiting on Poe.
"It's almost there!" Poe shouted back. In the distance, you could hear TIE fighters closing in. "Got it! Close the hatch and punch it!" He shouted. Chewbacca closed the hatch as you hauled ass away from the location, TIEs now following you from behind.
"Finn get on that gun!" you shouted.
"Copy that, General!" he shouted back, running to the gun. Moments later he started to shoot as Poe made his way back to the cockpit, sitting behind you and Chewbacca.
"They're tracking us, you can't make the jump without them following." Poe said to you.
"No kidding?!" you practically shouted back.
"I can get them off our trail, but you might not like it..." he said to you. Chewbacca protested immediately as you took a quick moment to think. "Trust me." he said. Reluctantly, you gave up your seat in the pilot's chair and Poe took over.
"R2, lock down!" you shouted back to the astromech. He beeped in response as you heard him do so, strapping yourself in, nervous for what was to come.
"Strap in everyone, the only way to get them off our trail is to lightspeed skip!" Poe said.
"What?!" you nearly shouted at him. Before you could protest he already had made the first jump. You were thrown back in your seat as they escaped the first jump, flying through god-knows-where.
"They're still on us, Poe!" Finn shouted from the gunner.
"I know! Just trust me, we'll be fine!" Poe shouted back to him. He got ready to make another jump, but not before the ship ran alongside a cliff.
"Poe!" you yelled to him. You were ignored as you entered yet another world, TIEs still following you even as you made it out. You were fuming at him right now. Even if he was correct about this being the only way to get the TIEs off their tale, he was practically ruining the Falcon. You were thrown back into your seat as you made one last jump, through some sort of creature, and you were back in your normal system.
"They're gone." Finn said, running back up from the guns. You sighed with relief, desperate to get home. Poe turned to you with a small smirk after he landed the ship on the ground.
"Told you we'd be fine." he said to you.
"Yeah, at what cost to my father's ship?" you said to him, getting up and running outside to see the damage. Your heart sunk when you saw the outside of the ship was on fire, thankfully already being put out by some droids. In the corner of your eye you saw your mother and Rey, sad look on both their faces.
"Baby..." he said, reaching out to you. You turned on your heel and made way for your mother, tears in your eyes. He stayed behind and watched you go this time.
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