#she really is a sick and twisted individual like she’s such a snake and acts like ur friend and talks bad

[lovedeluxe92]

and my boss is riding my ass again. this bitch needs to be put down like fr i can’t keep doing this.

[vivalgi]

My spoilery review on Crimes of Passion 2

COP2 was a somewhat mixed bag for me but in general I enjoyed reading it. Although it had some glaring problems and other minors annoyances, the book definitely didn't leave me cold. I have many things to say about the investigation, the villain, Marguerite's controversial outfits and of course the relationship with Trystan.

The best part for me was the murder investigation. Despite the over the top depiction of this weird dystopian Eastern European kingdom and its equally silly royal family, the main plot was fairly fun. I was never fully sure who the murderer could be but I didn't really think it would be the younger siblings due to their age during the events leading to Juliana's murder. Although I still kept my eye on the real murderer, the evidence never quite pointed at at him. Vasili may have acted suspiciously kind natured and nonchalantly but you can't just accuse someone solely based on their personality. You need hard evidence and everything we found, kept pointing at other siblings. Especially when the suspect seemingly tried to sabotage the Act of Heir Equity.

Even though the royal family was already charcterized as twisted individuals, it was still somewhat surprising what a crazy psychopath Vasili turned out to be and what sick things he'd do, even to his most loved ones. I liked that he wasn't just cold and calculating but often acted on impulse and emotions. I guess the book finally lived up to its name.

I think it would have been even more awesome if his accomplice had been someone else but Colette. Was she the hooded figure in the bonus scene at the end of book 1? Since Lydea turned out to be not blood related to the king, imagine how crazy it would have been if she and Vasili had been secret lovers, plotting together. Now that would have been a real plot twist.

I usually have little faith in PB writing believable action scenes but the final 'battle' wasn't too bad. The taser shot was too slow and we had to buy a diamond scene for MC not to seem too clumsy and need our resident knight in shining armor to step in but otherwise it was fine. As usual, I believe that death is an easy way out for a caught criminal so naturally, I chose to let Vasili rot in the dark Drakovian prison instead of killing him.

One of the hot debates has certainly been Marguerite's credibility as a fashion designer. The outfits have been quite a mixed bag throughout the two books. It's actually funny and ironic how confident Mags is about her designing abilities all the time. I only bought the snake leather suit (RIP poor snakes) and the green suit, occasionally wearing the leather jacket and black premium suit from book 1. I quite liked the fashion show outfit too but my MC is an introvert with a major case of stage fright (unless it involves the chance to make out with a certain Drakovian princess named Astrid 🙈), so I had to decline the offer. However, by far the biggest offender was that weird gift wrapping made for female Trystan. I can't remember ever seeing a more horrible outfit made for any character in Choices history, especially an LI. Thankfully, with a few tweaks I was able to give her female MC's green premium dress, which I think suits her very well.

Finally, let's speak about the relationship between MC and Trystan. While I've never been Trystan's biggest fan and would have happily romanced Ruby instead, if this were a book from a distant era with multiple LIs as a norm, I still quite enjoy their dynamic. I love my stoic introvert MC and his sharp tongue and this outgoing nonchalant princess is a nice contrast to MC's personality. Their witty banter is always something to look forward to.

However, when it comes to the romantic side of their relationship then this was my biggest disappointment of the sequel. When that fight between MC and Trystan took place in chapter 4, I was quite intrigued how it would affect their relationship and how the two would solve their differences. I don't think romances have to be all rosy, that would a bit bland, especially in longer stories. Conflicts are a nice device for character growth and ultimately the love can only become stronger if you manage to climb over the obstacles. Unfortunately, good storytelling fell victim to corporate greed. Instead of focusing on mending the riff this fight should have caused, the writers decided to largely gloss over it. The main characters were made to act like a normal young couple so that PB could fit in as many p*rn scenes as possible, because this seems to be only thing readers spend their diamonds on these days.

The relationship felt superficial and one-sided as it seemed like Trystan only needed MC to satisfy her carnal needs. Trystan looked determined to take the crown and MC tried to support her decision but no-one seemed to care about MC's worries. He never got the emotional support he so badly needed. Whenever he tried to bring up the subject, Trystan decided to avoid it and distract him by trying to get into his pants, like during the coronation ball and on the ride back from Juliana's parents. To add at least some angst, In my head canon MC decided to be mad and cold at first after the fight. As the story progressed, he accepted their romance was practically over seeing how Trystan wasn't backing away from her destiny, and tried to act distant with her to get used to the idea of a life without his love. That of course meant declining every 'couple time' scene, which is only PB's loss.

Of course, PB would magically solve the problem in the most predictable and cliché way possible. Who actually didn't see it coming that Trystan would decline the crown at the very last minute? Naturally, I'm happy that at the end she chose love over duty to her country and to return to New-York with MC but what if at first we'd have gone home with a broken heart and we'd have even seen the "Thank you for playing..." dialogue and then suddenly on a rainy evening Trystan knocks on our door.

Ultimately, it was a decently fun book. I enjoyed the main plot of chasing the criminal and there were lots of funny moments but I was let down with how the relationship with Trystan was (non-)developed in book 2.

[lilallama]

(Sorry if I spell something wrongly lol) Idk, This is my opinion? Gryffindor, Jungkook. Hufflepuff, Taehyung & Yoongi. Ravenclaw, Namjoon & Jin. Slytherin, Jimin & Hobi??? I literally just searched the meaning of each house and just picked one based on the personality shown. Also, If you don't think this matches them, Sorry ;-;

[Don't worry, sweetie ^^. You don't have to apologise! 💕🍑]

Hoseok is a lot more two faced than I actually tend to show. The way he presents himself is mostly a mask. While he seems mostly calm on the outside, he's actually quite the opposite on the inside. Out of all the boys it'd be easiest for him to manipulate/influence Y/n (@bangtans-apollo Tae is quacking-) and he's aware of that. That's one of the reasons why they started the club 1. To protect Y/n, 2. The club concept came because it'd be easier to meet up and they would automatically get a clubroom and 3. Hoseok threatened to tell on them if they don't join, he'd make Y/n despise each one of them.

He is a strong leader (one of the Slytherin traits), I try to make him resourceful (but I am not myself so that might not shine through too much), he is definitely cunning. The whole ordeal with wanting to be with Y/n no matter what is pretty ambitious, I'd say. And lastly the traditionalism trait, he is very into tradition and has to keep his domestic fantasies with Y/n a secret. His parents raised him very traditional, he would hate it if (female) Y/n would ask him out first or would propose first and would at first frown upon his attention to (male or non binary) Y/n.

All in all Slytherin seems very accurate.

Now concerning Jimin; similar to Hoseok he too can be a two faced snake. He doesn't hide his true thoughts from Y/n or the boys, if anything he overshares sometimes (one time he started talking to Taehyung about some... rather inappropriate things concerning Y/n. That got his Y/n privilege taken away for a whole month). And despite practically pleading to be the "dumb bimbo" stereotype, he is surprisingly clever and intelligent. Before Highschool, before he made his first experiences with popular boys, he was a straight A's and B's student. Yet once he had his first boyfriend, he discovered that the people surrounding him typically preferred the dumb blondes. (He actually broke up with the captain of the football team for Y/n.)

He also sometimes displays ambitious, just in a whiney sort of way. Self preservation is definitely something. Unlike Taehyung, Yoongi, Namjoon or Jeongguk, he wouldn't let himself be killed for Y/n's sake. If Y/n were to be killed he would end up deluding himself into thinking a person who looks similar to them is them and would force Y/n's personality and style on them. Cunningness is 100% accurate. He's fake. He pretends to be a silly sweetheart who loves everyone but will spread rumours about you, blame things on you etc. and everyone believes him. His cunningness concerning Y/n is more whiney than anything.

So I do think Jimin fits Slytherin.

Namjoon was raised by strict parents who forbade him a tremendous amount of things and painted his world for him. It was engraved in his head, he was going to be the CEO of their company one day. Yet despite everything he still had a head of his own. Maye it was because if his high IQ that he understood that his parents weren't the only opinion in his life. Don't get me wrong, they still left him scarred (sadly literally, as his father once hit him bloody) and traumatised but not without a mind of his own. Ever since he was small creativity and originality was something he admired and loved. It was partly reason of why he fell for Y/n, their individuality, their mind, their heart, their soul.

We will not need to discuss intelligence, it's a trait he undoubtedly has. He is always willing to learn and showed interest in many different things before Y/n captured his focus. He is most likely one of the wisest members as he is aware of how twisted his love for them truly is (once again something I tend to fail at portraying) and tried to stop it when it started. But somehow that only made everything worse and by now he doesn't care anymore at all. When he was a child he used to be more openly curious than nowadays (as it caused him many punishments from his parents).

I feel that Namjoon would fit Ravenclaw.

Seokjin was spoiled all his life. His parents adored him, other kids adored him, everyone adored him. While he might've acted oblivious he knew that it's because of his money. Similar to Jimin, Seokjin changed when he entered high school. While he always was a pretty intelligent and well behaved student (still very arrogant though) he then became less concerned with studies and once made a teacher cry (that was before he met Y/n). He loves standing out as an individual, that includes making anyone change who crosses his path with the same outfit (not in school as they wear a school uniform. But outside, yes, he has that much power. Everyone knows Kim Seokjin).

As said before, Seokjin is far from stupid. He is a very intelligent individual but doesn't show the extent of his nolage. Instead aiming for a cool "Queen B" persona. He is witty with his comebacks (something I cannot write because I do not possess that superpower), he's quick with his words. He holds respect for people who are 60+ years old as he believes they've been through a lot in life already. These people have wisdom he could only gain by experience and that he respects (there is one very sweet lady that lives alone in a very big mansion a few streets away from his penthouse. He always visits her because he loves her genuine kindness. When he met Y/n she recently passed away and he saw a part of her in them).

Seokjin could qualify for a Ravenclaw.

Taehyung was raised by a very Christian family that he still cherishes very much. Because of their intense belief he was raised to worship. He never fell in love, so when Y/n crossed paths with his, he started showing love how he's used to it (Out of all the boys Taehyung is straight up insane. Something in his brain might be wired wrong, there is no explanation on why he likes them, on why he believed that's what love is because his parents treated him with normal, familiar love. So he is simply sick, there is no "saving" him. He's better of in a mental hospital). But he was always a very kind boy. Giving instead of taking, never wanting anything in return. Out of everyone, Taehyung was the one who welcomed new students and made tons of friends. But he grew out of it as his focus turned to art. He aimed to make his parents proud so he didn't have time for friends.

His loyalty is unlike any other. You could torture him half dead and he'd still forgive you, stay loyal to you, serve you. He is Y/n's servant. He works hard on improving his artistic abilities and also to maintain fairly good grades. For Y/n any labour he'd have to be put through would seem like a blessing. Another trait for Hufflepuff would be fairness and he surely is fair. As one of the least jealous members of the club he really only cares if Y/n's okay with what's happening or could get hurt (he always kets the other members have more privileges than he has because he believes it'd be not only greedy but prideful to want Y/n to hinself. He avoids any sin when it comes to Y/n, envy, wrath, pride, sloth, nothing will ever come near his modern day Jesus).

Taehyung definitely is a Hufflepuff.

If the boy who works two parttime jobs, to pay for rent, bills and food, cleans the shabby apartment by himself because his alcoholic mother is busy messing it up again, yet still treats his mother with kindness, only to be treated like trash by seven more powerful and successful guys in his school who all like the same person he does and still manages to maintain the position as intern and honour roll student at a prestigious school for roch people, isn't in Hufflepuff then I don't know what. This poor soul is incredibly sensitive and kind. He isn't judgemental (as he himself is used to people judging him). All round very sweet.

I think it's very clear that he's very diligent and hard working. He holds great passion for music and enjoys writing poetry, a very sensitive soul. Yoongi isn't someone to complain about something being unfair (cough cough Jimin cough cough) or try and steal Y/n away from them. His day dreams consist of imagining Y/n liking him back, but he is certain that would never happen (according to you guys, it seems a lot of you would pick Yoongi if you'd get to decide). Not only is Yoongi kind but loyal as well, he'd never imagine leaving anyone behind even his useless mother.

Yoongi is 1000% a Hufflepuff.

Jeongguk tends to be hot tempered, he goes from zero to a hundred in a matter of seconds. Everything in life seems like a challenge to prove he's better than others think (his father was a notorious serial killer who killed twenty one people yet got away with a ten year prison sentence and got released after six, ten months later Jeongguk was born). In truth he did not care for anyone else, only Y/n. So all tge chivalry he could muster was directed at them.

He is one brave guy who doesn't get easily scared (I guess living with as well as being a serial killer at sixteen years old desensitised him). Jeongguk is courageous just not in/for a positive way/purpose. He deluted himself into thinking that Y/n needs protection, HIS protection. He once attacked a teacher because they were helping Y/n with a question, that's very daring (more like stupid) just not in a good way. A (still not) more positive example of his daringness is when he wants to impress Y/n. He hung from a skyscraper for five minutes doing pullups, just to inpress them. One time he also jumped across his luxurious pool at home (and almost slipped, almost bashing his head in) just to prove that he can jump further than someone they talked about.

I could very much picture him as a Griffendor.

If you enjoyed reading my work, please consider reblogging it. Thank you for reading

[razorblade180]

Close call

Cold, that’s all Summer could feel coursing through her veins and gnawing at her flesh. A frigid cold that threatened to freeze her heart and mind until everything would become a void, shrouded in a white haze that was more terrifying than any dark abyss. All that she was would slip away. Her eyelids closed against her will, then opened into that void. Miles of nothingness and a ceiling of solid ice welcomed the frightened fifteen year old. She knew exactly where she was, and it was the last place she wanted to see. Why? Summer had been so careful, so diligent. It obviously wasn’t enough.

The feeling of slender arms wrapping around her torso from behind sent shivers down her entire body as it pulled her in tight. The subtle sensation of death faintly breathing on her left ear made Summer paralyzed with fear.

“Well look who it is? Summer Schnee, it’s been awhile.” The chilling voice spoke, with a distorted vibration in her voice that sounded like cracking ice on a frozen lake. Summer found the strength to look up at the ceiling and spot the girl identical to herself baring the most twisted of smiles.

“Shiva…” Summer said, barely above a whisper.

“Oh, you remember my name do you? That’s good,” Shiva trailed her right hand slowly up to the bottom of Summer’s ribs, before striking like a snake. Her hand shot straight up and grabbed a hold of the scared girl’s throat without warning.

“Because a day hasn’t gone by where I wasn’t thinking about you!” Shiva giggled. Her fingers pressed so easily on the delicate area that they actually sunk in a little.

Summer could feel that fearsome cold coming to drag her deeper into this hellish headspace. She had to break free and fast. Gasps of hair struggle to escape and her body betrayed her will to move forward. Summer reached deep down within herself to summon any kind of strength, a flicker of a chance. She refused to let this demon win so easily. Through sheer force of will, Summer threw her head back and crashed the back of her skull against Shiva’s face. The death grip around her throat slipped right off. Finally she could move. Summer took in a deep breath that came with a coughing fit that brought her down to her knees.

Shiva held her nose in pain.Thick blue blood ran in between her fingers and down her hand like a leaky faucet. “Oh, guess there’s still some fight in you!” She laughed. “Not that it matters!”

Summer did her best to stumble back on to her feet. Her knees felt like they could give at any moment, all of her bones did. A pit right in the middle of her stomach made Summer feel totally like she hadn't eaten in months. Still, the girl grit her teeth and stared into the icy blue eyes of her foe as they approached, arms wide open.

“Oh don’t give me that look.” Shiva pouted, the sarcasm painfully apparent in her words. “What are you gonna do, fight me? You’re shaking in your boots little girl. I wonder if your dear brother would do the same in front of me?”

Shiva let out another juvenile laugh and shook her head. “Heheheh nah, he’s not a coward like you. Goodness, it’s going to be so satisfying when I finally get rid of him. I bet he’ll shake then.”

“Tsk, SHUT YOUR MOUTH!” Summer cried out. She tackled Shiva to the ground and the two started to roll. Summer ended on top several times, taking the opportunity to punch Shiva’s cackling face before being the one put on her back; receiving heavy blows that swelled her face. Red and blue painted the ground as they continued to tussle.

“HAHAHAHA! Look who’s trying her best not to cry!? Mommy and Daddy can’t take this kind of pain away. I wonder if they’re sick of your whining yet?”

“Shut the hell up already!” Summer raised her fist to strike another blow but was knocked off by Shiva headbutting her in the nose. Summer couldn’t regain her footing before Shiva got up, swinging her right across Summer’s face and sending a sharp ringing through her head. Multiple kicks were sent directly to her ribs and stomach as Shiva began to beat her.

Each blow knocked wind and blood out the girl who desperately wanted to get up but couldn’t. The pain was too great, too relentless. All she could do was let out silent screams and cry.

Shiva finally stopped and got back on top of Summer, wrapping both hands around her neck. Despite the obvious state her opponent was in. Shiva’s bubbly nature finally vanished and her eyes borrowed into Summer’s with a degrading stare that could only be described as disgust.

“I bet you feel pretty stupid for trying to fight me? As if you stood a snowball's chance in hell when you’re this pathetic, it’s depressing really.”

Summer couldn’t say a word. All air had left her and was desperately trying to find some way to reach her lungs again. The cold started to settle through each individual cell. Summer could feel her body slowly become ice itself. Was this it? Was she going to be locked away inside of her own mind forever? Somehow she found the will to raise her left hand. It wasn’t much, but Summer managed to weakly grasp Shiva’s neck.

There wasn’t any strength behind the act, and yet Shiva found herself getting angrier at the girl beneath her body. Summer’s eyes, they were glassed over but still very conscious.

“I’ll…..never stop” Summer gasped. She refused to go quietly. To be snuffed out like a dying flame in a snowstorm. Summer’s vision blurred and everything was turning red. She couldn’t explain it, but that terrifying cold turned into blistering heat. The crushing weight on her faded along with the pressure on her neck and was replaced with complete exhaustion. Her vision came back into focus and what Summer saw made her want cry in gratitude. Flames, she was surrounded by flames.

Summer was face down in melting snow, her body covered in sweat. She raised her head as high as she could off the ground and spotted both of her parents staring at her. Scratches and bruises were spread across their bodies but they looked fine. In front of them was Summer’s godmother who breathed heavily, her scarlet eyes transitioning into lilac right before dropping to her hands and knees.

“Y...Yang” Summer weakly said. “Are you-”

“I’m fine.” Yang huffed, “you’re fine. That’s all that matters. Everyone is, they’re all fine.”

Now Summer couldn’t help but cry. Thank the stars, she still had her family. Summer still had her mind. She continued weeping, ignoring the warm embrace of her parents when they rushed over to her side and held her close. Today, Summer has gotten a lucky break. At least one more day to see the world through her own eyes and find a way to beat this battle that raged in her head. That luck would run out one day though, and when that day comes, Summer knew she would need to have a solution. If she didn’t, this pleasant warmth around her would be nothing more than a memory. A memory lost in the cold.

[amplesalty]

Halloween 2020 - Day 8 - Body Bags (1993)

Each corpse has been individually wrapped to ensure freshness

I can only assume I was sifting through John Carpenter’s filmography when I found this, an anthology film in the vein of Creepshow, The Twilight Zone etc. Apparently this was meant to be a TV show but a full run didn’t pan out so they cobbled together a handful of finished stories and put out this TV movie instead. This is perhaps more interesting for the sheer number of strange cameos in it, like a who’s who of horror directors. John Carpenter himself plays a coroner who serves as a host of sorts, these anthology films often have a framing device that link all the stories together and this is Carpenter looking at various body bags in his morgue and telling us the story behind them, leading into the films themselves.

But there’s also Tobe Hooper, Wes Craven, Sam Raimi and Roger Corman that show up throughout the different segments. There are also small parts for Twiggy and Debbie Harry. I didn’t realize Debbie Harry had such a vast filmography, she was in Videodrome when I watched that a few years ago but she seems to have been acting since the 70’s.

I say the cast is more interesting as the stories themselves are all pretty dull and overly familiar. In the opener, “The Gas Station”, a young lady starts a new job working the graveyard shift at a remote gas station and has to deal with the suspense and fear that comes with being alone in the middle of nowhere whilst strangers come and go. She hears on the radio that a psychopath is on the loose in Haddonfield, Illinois which is obviously the setting for Halloween so I wondered if that was just a nod to Carpenter’s famous series or maybe some sort of shared universe thing. Turns out however that the psychopath isn’t Michael Myers at all but someone who masquerades as one of her colleagues who worked the shift prior to hers but actually killed off the real person before hiding out nearby in order to kill her too. That twist is sort of neat in an urban legend sort of way but overall it’s nothing you haven’t seen a thousand times before with some axe wielding maniac out to kill the last pretty girl left standing.

The second story centers on Richard Coberts, an older gentleman who is suffering a crisis of condifence due to his thinning hair. Worried that his girlfriend might leave him for someone younger with more flowing locks, he tries everything to try and mask his growing bald spot; the patented combover, a professional hair stylist and basically everything vaguely hair related from his local chemist.

Including a rather strange one in the form of extract of lamb fetus. Gross.

Whilst nothing seems to be working, he keeps seeing adverts on TV for a new hair clinic run by Dr. Lock, played by David Warner. This all reminds me slightly of that segment of Cat’s Eye where James Woods visits the slightly shadowy health clinic in order to get help in quitting smoking. Not quite the same as the motives are a bit different but both are vaguely about self improvement and I remember the company in that one being a bit more outwardly suspect.

DIMOXINIL! Rich is offered a range of new hairstyles and settles in ‘The Stallion’, long flowing locks that make him look like the aging lead singer of an 80’s hair metal band. Only, not everything is quite what it seems.

His hair grows at an exponential rate, even in places he normally wouldn’t get hair. Plus he seems to be getting sick with sores all over his face. He looks more and more like The Wolfman, even if he doesn’t have Talbot’s degree of depression.

Turns out his hair is actually now little parasitic creatures that are taking over his body and the hair clinic is actually a front for aliens from a distant galaxy looking to slowly overthrow Earth by infecting host bodies by preying the narcissistic members of society who would stroke their own ego by getting this hair treatment.

Well I certainly wasn’t expecting that. This one isn’t particularly interesting either, though there is something amusing to see this change in character in Richard pre/post hair, this level of confidence he gains to the point where he’s practicing all these lines in the mirror. “I’m sorry, you can’t touch it. If I let you touch it then I’d have to let everyone else touch it too!”

Often with these anthology films they seem to be strongest with the opening and closing segment and that’s certainly true here at last for the latter with the third and final segment titled simply ‘Eye’ in which Mark Hammill plays a baseball player who is going through something of a career resurgence and there is even talk of him getting picked up by a major league team.

Hammill is rocking the kind of moustache I remember him having in that brief cameo in Sleepwalkers. I guess I just have that image of him being the baby faced Luke Skywalker but the moustache makes him look like 20 years older. Granted this is like 20 years since Star Wars but you get my point.

Trouble strikes though when he’s driving home late one night in the middle of a storm and has to swerve to avoid a deer, promptly crashing his car and taking a shard of glass directly to the eye. Christ.

Luckily, there’s a experimental surgery that one of his doctors wants to try to replace his eye with a donor one.

So everything in his life seems to be back on the up again, he even finds out his wife is pregnant and she starts to read up taking care of the wee one in a book written by a Dr. Spock. Huh, I guess if you follow the tips in that book then your baby will live long and prosper.

Only, it seems like maybe someone is wrong with this eye as slugger here keeps having weird visions like a dead body rising up out of the dirt in his back garden. This is where I thought maybe they were going for an angle of the donor body coming back to life to claim it’s eye back but what they’re actually going for is this eye came from the body of a recently executed serial killer and the eye is taking over his mind, making him more aggressive and giving him flashbacks to the killer’s life. The immediate thought is the Hell Toupee segment in Treehouse of Horror IX in which Homer has a hair transplant from Snake and Snake’s personality starts coming through in Homer before starting to kill off the witnesses that testified against him. Even that is cited as drawing inspiration from the 1989 film Shocker and an episode of the 1985 Amazing Stories TV show so clearly it’s a very well used idea. Actually, you would kinda get Hell Toupee exactly if you mixed the hair segment and this one.

Hammill’s performance is what really ramps this segment up compared to the other two, especially when the eye really takes hold and he becomes really deranged. I suppose it’s only to be expected coming from a guy who is beloved for his vocal turns as The Joker. His facial expressions help a lot, as does the makeup work done from stuff like his pale, bruised face in the aftermath of the accident to the bloodshot eye.

This is definitely among the weaker of the anthology films I’ve seen and one I would recommend skipping if not for Hammill. Check that part out but avoid the rest.

[happymetalgirl]

March 2020

Wow, March seems like such a bygone era, time doesn’t mean anything anymore with so much turned upside down (especially in the music industry) in the throes of the pandemic going on right now. One of those things was me losing my punctuality with this blog. While I haven’t been on top of my writing, I have certainly been listening as much as ever, with plenty to talk about this month, so better late than never I suppose. Here are the albums I listened to during March.

Code Orange - Underneath

I just wrote about the Pittsburgh metalcore juggernauts’ highly anticipated fourth full-length, but I’ll summarize again what led me say that Underneath is a good album, but not as good as the breakthrough album whose high bar this album was always going to have a hard time clearing. The band go all in on the industrial elements that accented Forever on Underneath, as well as push their luck on the more melodic, alternative metal-oriented hardcore tracks, which came with some growing pains, the latter more than the former. And I really think that they probably are just growing pains with the band getting more comfortable with this expansion of their sound, which (contrary to what the many zealous 10/10 reviews are saying) I think the band will get significantly better with if they keep this trajectory going into their next album.

8/10

Body Count - Carnivore

I really have tried to focus on the positive aspects of Body Count’s music, the fearless, topical, confrontational lyricism and the capacity the band has to generate a good hardcore breakdown, but the band really do seem to be unable to get out of this one-dimensional rut they’re stuck in, with Carnivore simply a few shovels deeper in. The band’s appeal tires very quickly with Ice-T’s recycling of lyrical themes and his band’s repetitions of generic hardcore tropes. They come through with a few moments of intensity, a sick breakdown or two, but the positive, hopeful moments are too few and far between. I would think that with not a whole lot of competition and a hip hop icon behind the microphone that Body Count would have the capacity to do more for rap metalcore, but they seem stuck in a cycle I do respect the stances Body Count takes against injustice, and I want them to be a more prominent, important voice in metal, but they have some climbing to do to get there.

4/10

My Dying Bride - The Ghost of Orion

The grand masters of gothic death-doom don’t ever really steer too far off course, rather they sometimes just take their foot off the gas, as they do on The Ghost of Orion. It has all the elements of any beautifully melancholic My Dying Bride album; the slow and burgeoning guitars, the downtrodden vocal melodies juxtaposed with bursts of growled anguish, and the melodrama of vibrato-laden strings; but it’s all arranged and conjured without much tangible passion or pain. That’s by the standard of the band’s pretty solid discography though, so with that considered, it’s by no means a terrible death-doom album, it just won’t be converting anybody or getting anyone more excited about My Dying Bride and death-doom.

6/10

Warp Chamber - Implements of Excruciation

Brutal death metal can often seem pretty one-dimensional, and it often is, but in the hands of a band who really has the ambition to make more of it than just some guttural rumblings from all the instruments involved, the genre can really take on a wholy new monstrous form, its horrific, deathly instrumentation heightened by the melody and the compositional nuance that a competent band can bring to it, and that is exactly what Warp Chamber do on their debut album here. Full of cavernous growls and ceaseless low-register battery, it can seem, at face value like just a regular brutal death metal album, but when the band starts breaking out the winding tangents and manic solos that, again, just heighten the chaos and compliment the brutality. It’s more than just regular-ass death metal, and I’m glad to have heard this debut. I hope Warp Chamber has more in store.

8/10

Loathe - I Let It in and It Took Everything

Do you love Deftones? Maybe you do. I do. But I don’t think either of us love Deftones as much as Loathe loves Deftones. I’m goofing right now, but Loathe really do channel their Deftones fandom real hard when they’re not in full hardcore mode or getting eccentric with the segues on this album. And it does offer a great combination of styles, with angular, low-tuned modern metalcore noise riffage juxtaposed pretty strongly against the gauzy shoegaze that immediately hearkens to that facet of Deftones’ music. The band struggle to get the flow just right on certain songs and across the album in general, with some pretty inconsistent songwriting, but it’s definitely outweighed by its still somehow immersive quality and the strength of the individual pieces going into it.

7/10

Earth Rot - Black Tides of Obscurity

The Australian band brings forth some more of the tried and true modern death metal a la Bloodbath, Carnation, and modern Cannibal Corpse, but with enough eerie, blackened oddity throughout the songs to keep the journey from being too homogenous. It’s these moments that both give extra life to the bludgeoning, but at-times basic, modern death metal the band is conjuring and kind of disrupt the flow of that muscly death metal. At times I do wish the band would chose to focus one or the other more exclusively, but if this pushes Earth Rot further into this kind of stylistically ambitious death metal, I appreciate the stepping stone this album acts as.

7/10

Myrkur - Folksange

After riding a pretty strong wave of critical adoration for her contribution to the growing wave of atmospheric black metal that culminated in the respectably sonically unique Mareridt in 2017, Myrkur’s Amelie Bruun has taken a step back to refocus or recalibrate artistically. As the title suggests, Folksange finds its creator rewarding herself for her contributions to black metal with a return to her love of Scandinavian folk music, and you can tell she loves it on this entirely folk-music-based project devoid of any black metal elements. I may not have been as head-over-heels as a lot of critics were about her black metal albums, but I certainly appreciated her folk-inspired ambient take on the genre, especially the unique sonic pallet of Mareridt. I liked those albums quite a bit, yet it is clear that the sound on Folksange is her forte, which makes sense if Scandinavian folk has been a longer-standing passion than black metal for Bruun. The instrumentation is absolutely beautiful and Bruun’s angelic voice fits so perfectly with it, but Folksange is more than just superficially aesthetically gorgeous. The songs (old and original) are written and arranged with such a natural knack for the style that makes it such a serenely enveloping experience that stands as Myrkur’s best work yet. I highly recommend it.

8/10

Old Man Gloom - Seminar IX: Darkness of Being

The famed supergroup’s first of two releases planned for this year after the loss of Caleb Scofield sees them dabbling around in an experimental array of genres that all the members have some sort of significant experience and specialty with. From post-metal of the sludgy, Isis-esque variety to the more noisily esoteric, Sumac-esque variety, to distinctly post-hardcore-influenced stylistic diversions, the band’s wide-reaching sound takes all sorts of twists and turns along their most recent experiment with the members’ varying pedigrees and influences guiding the music on quite the unusual nomadic trek. From the repetitive chord progression of the opening track to the album’s noisy finishing tracks (one of which features what sounds like rocks tumbling down a shaft of some sort for an extensive period of time), the band let their adventurers’ instincts guide them as they wander through their own experiment through the interplay of their members’ various styles. It’s weird, and not super polished, but it’s certainly fixating.

7/10

Candlemass - The Pendulum

After further cementing their relatively unchallenged status as the kings of epic doom metal with The Door to Doom about a year ago, Candlemass have offered up a quick little demo-focused EP with one new fleshed-out song, the title track, which takes them to the faster, more Dio-era-inspires side of their sound with the grand, soaring operatic vocals on the chorus and the relatively fast (by doom standards) guitar rhythms on the verses (think “Paranoid” or “Children of the Grave’). I love the very Dio-esque delivery of the word “fools” at the end too, very fitting. The demo track “Snakes of Goliath” slows it back down to Ozzy-era Sabbath worship in typical Candlemass fashion, the riffs and arrangement pretty respectable for a supposed demo track. The other full-length demo, “Porcelain Skull”, by contrast, does feel much less compositionally fleshed out and more like an actual demo piece. The other three demo tracks are just little instrumental studio doodles that don’t really add anything to the EP. If this EP could be interpreted as any kind of power move, it’s that Candlemass at demo level have just such a sharp compositional intuition for grand Sabbath doom metal and can pretty much nail it in their sleep.

demo-level 7/10

Igorrr - Spirituality and Distortion

I was definitely looking forward to this album big-time after the gloriously unashamed weirdness of 2017’s Savage Sinusoid filled a massive void I felt was needed in my metal bank. By contrast, Spirituality and Distortion is such a reserved project it feels either shy or cowardly from the usually hyper-eccentric band. The greater absence of the vocals of Laurent Lunoir on the album highlight also just how much character he brought to Savage Sinusoid through his zany performances. Without his vocal wildness across the album, the attention on Spirituality and Distortion is then directed to the significantly timid production and electronic finagling that doesn’t measure up to that of Savage Sinusoid.

6/10

In This Moment - Mother

*Sigh* In This Moment is one of those bands who I think really do show a lot of potential but just can’s seem to reach it. They get a lot of unnecessary shit for Maria Brink’s sexy stage presence and generally theatrical aesthetic and live show, but they do have the capacity to produce emotive alt metal ballads like “Whore” and bangers like “Big Bad Wolf” that give some insight into what heights they could potentially reach if they were much more consistent. I was hoping that Mother would be a solid rejuvenation/comeback after the benign disappointment of 2017′s Ritual, and while it’s certainly different, it’s not better. Mother really tries to take on this big, enveloping sound, and biblical, post-apocalyptic feel, and it can sort of carry it for a little bit and be temporarily immersive until the band needs to go full force. When it’s just some fancy eerie atmosphere and Maria Brink’s sultry vocal delivery, it holds up okay, but when the horribly synthetically produced arena-booming instrumentation really comes in and breaks that immersion, you remember that it really is all just trite alt rock whose lofty flair is all a facade.

4/10

Mamaleek - Come and See

Undoubtedly the most wildly experimental album to grace my ears so far this year, I was not expecting such a forceful avant-garde project from Mamaleek so relatively soon after Out of Time, but damn I’m glad I got it! The anonymous brotherly duo have always taken black metal on quite the far-off journey whenever they bring it along on one, ever making it their mission to create something one-of-a-kind with their work, and Come and See has to be their most enthralling album yet. Ramming together the transfixing manic anguish of their blackened experimental noise with the angular dynamism of jazz and even some blues rock in a musical particle collider, Mamaleek have made a truly one-of-a-kind album, and that’s even by their standards. I’ve mentioned before that I tend to like my jazz pretty rowdy and aggressive (like my metal), and the chaos that Mamaleek already generates with their brand of black metal is perfect to trim with and infuse with the angular dissonance of traditional jazz at its more energetically extreme. While the array of chaotic sounds may make Come and See their most intangibly black metal album, the ethos of that root genre pierces through by way of the harshly shrieked vocals just as much as the new jazz elements do. I really might just have to do a full-length review on this one because there is so much going on here that is worth admiring and I can’t stop loving it.

9/10

Phalanx - Golden Horde

This album came out a few months ago and has been making some pretty significant waves on Bandcamp, and for good reason. The relatively young band on their second release ever do showcase a pretty good knack for groove and death metal brutality, balancing slow, thick, tasty groove and blasting death metal without falling into metalcore breakdown clichés or death metal clichés. The three-pronged vocal attack the band touts isn’t quite as dazzling as they might think it is (with the abundance of talented vocalists capable of shapeshifting through a variety of metal vocal techniques), but I do think it would be cool to hear them use that approach with all three vocalists acting more simultaneously to more effectively convey the chaos of the war-related lyrical themes they focus on. Nevertheless, this quarter-hour taster is a great starter for them and definitely worth checking out. Hopefully it’s a foreshadowing of the blossoming of a bright new act for death metal.

7/10

Regarde Les Hommes Tomber - Ascension

I’ve been seeing a lot of praise being thrown this album’s way, and I honestly can’t disagree too much with that it is a pretty damn good album. It is very reminiscent of the Numenorean album Adore that I praised so highly last year. Like Adore, Ascension is an atmospheric black metal album that could easily hook your typical dude who hates Deafheaven and blackgaze and makes a really big deal about it. The band’does well on Ascension to avoid the reliance on generic post-rock guitar reverb ambiance that turns so many people off from blackgaze, working together a lot of unique sonic twists that don’t usually find their way into ambient black metal and channeling direct, cutting, yet humanly vibrant instrumentation that’s backed by raw cries of agony very similar to what Numenorean was doing last year. Perhaps this is the new way forward for atmospheric black metal and blackgaze. If so, Regarde Les Hommes Tomber are doing well to lead the way.

8/10

Deadspace - A Portrait of Sacrificial Scars

I already offered my praises to this album at length with my long-form post dedicated to it, but I’ll give it another shout for its brilliant, bittersweet sending off of the seemingly tireless Australian band. Deadspace give their oppressive/depressive sound the added magnitude and glory offered by choir and orchestral elements with more tact than most bands that use those elements regularly. I really am surprised that the band have decided to split up at such a high point in their artistry and I wish there could be more from them, but I have to respect their decision to end it here, and A Portrait of Sacrificial Scars is a great note to end on.

9/10

[tl-notes]

Kobayashi's Maid Dragon Episode 3 Notes

The 巳 (mi) kanji here is the one for snake, in a zodiac sense (normally snake is 蛇 (hebi).

As you could probably guess, this is a realtor's office. When trying to rent a new place in Japan, you are almost certainly going to go one of these offices (they’re extremely recognizable due to the dozens of floor plans plastered out front). Nowadays there are online databases you can use to look up vacant properties, but the posts are by individual realtors so even if you find a place online you’ll still need to go through them—it’s basically impossible to deal directly with the property owner or the property management company.

Also there’s nothing stopping owners from denying a contract to potential renters for being foreign, which can make finding a place a bit more of a hassle if you aren't Japanese. You’ll be at the realtor's office and pick a place you like to go look at, and they’ll have to call up the management company, who will call up the property owner, and ask if “foreigners from [your country] are okay” before moving forward with anything.

Specifically he says 3LDK, which is three bedrooms, a living room, a dining room, and a kitchen. That’s the usual format for describing apartments/condos; 1K is one room plus a kitchen, 2DK is two plus dining and kitchen, etc. In the city, by far the most common type is 1K. Japan doesn't have much of a tradition of having roommates (unless you’re in a dorm of some sort), so most places are either for a single person or a family.

It can actually be pretty hard to find a place that will rent to 2+ people if they aren't married/family, presumably due to some combination of risk aversion (if you and your roommate(s) have a falling out you’re more likely to move out, I guess) and “tradition.” Not to say you can’t, of course, but it definitely adds another layer of difficulty.

irl it would have been impossible for them to find a new place to rent without proper ID for Tohru and Kannaーaside from tourists people on short-term business trips, everyone in Japan must be registered with their local government, and you need proof that you are in order to do anything like renting or opening a bank account.

What she actually asks is whether Tohru is kireizuki (綺麗好き), which is a common term for someone who likes to keep things clean—like their room, office, desk, etc., not just personal hygiene.

The pun here is that bugs are mushi (虫) and cavities (and the bacteria that cause them) are mushiba/mushibakin (虫歯/虫歯菌). Kobayashi’s line was like “mushi? Not mushibakin?”

Kani (蟹) is crab, in case that wasn't clear. Kani Beer (bi-ru) sounds very similar to Kanibiru, which is a type of parasite that afflicts crabs. If you google image search カニビル you can see some gross pictures of it.

The other bottles there are energy drinks, which in Japan tend to be sold in those tiny bottles and are associated with (and highly marketed to) the huge masses of overworked salarymen.

“Salaryman” (サラリーマン) is by the way a loan word that is used to refer to both male and female salaried office workers.

Titles include such hits as “The World and Life of an English Maid”, “Leave it to Maid!” (volumes 5, 6, and 9), ”Encyclopedia of Maid Wear ”, “Maids and Butlers”, etc.

There’s that “choro-gon” thing again. This scene is a perfect example of the concept: A: “You need to clean up after yourself better!” B: “But I like having you clean up after me…” A: “Oh you! I guess it’s fine then!”

And this is a perfect example of an “oyakusoku.” The instant Tohru asks to try on Kobayashi’s clothes, the audience knows there is a “the chest is a little tight…” joke coming up.

Random fact: Japanese cup sizes go A→B→C→D→E, not AA→A→B→C→D→DD.

Did you know that haiku aren’t just the 5-7-5 thing, but in Japanese they also specifically include “season words” (季語 kigo), that associate them with a particular season? A 5-7-5 poem without them is called a senryuu (川柳) instead. (It’s more complicated than that but, close enough.)

These “season words” are commonly used in other pieces of art as well, as symbols to show what season it is and to evoke certain sentiments.

The “first cherry blossoms” (初桜 or 初花) is what’s being referenced here. Cherry blossoms hold a lot of emotional weight in Japan, and symbolize, among other things, getting a fresh start. The Japanese school year ends in March and begins in April—the period when cherry blossoms bloom—so it’s seen as a time where you’re moving on to new things: new class, new school, new job (college students will have typically secured employment by graduation and start almost immediately), etc., even more so than spring is in other countries on a different schedule.

This crane is another spring “season word,” as they return from their winter migration around March. It’s considered a happy event, as they’re finally returning home after a strenuous journey.

Hm? Migratory birds you say?

There’s construction going on all the time in Japan. In large part that’s due to infrastructure spending traditionally being a primary source of economic stimulus by the government. Generally they’re very fast about it at least; road work is often done overnight, and new buildings pop up seemingly out of nowhere (at least in Tokyo).

The little cut-out worker dude you see in the foreground there is a real thing that gets used sometimes; often it’s shown bowing and apologizing for the trouble the construction is causing for traffic and such.

Raise your hand if you thought this meant Kobayashi was asking Tohru to hide her horns.

Well, sort of. She actually is using an idiom that means “to make things worse” (角を立てる kado wo tateru). It comes from another phrase, to make (raise the) corners in one’s eyes (目に角を立てる me ni kado wo tateru), which means glaring angrily. Basically the idea is that if you’re “rising corners” (in people’s eyes) you’re making them angry, i.e. making things worse.

Part of the joke though, is that the kanji for “corner” (角 kado) is also the kanji for “horn” (角 tsuno or sometimes kaku).

I'm not sure if the translator was just working off a script and so didn't realize she was saying kado, didn't know the idiom, or was just doing their best to make the line make sense while preserving the horn pun without a paragraph-long TL note.

The way she says “bothering” (気になる ki ni naru) here is less rude/direct sounding than in English, and could just as well be read as indicating curiosity or worry as annoyance.

The brown bits are (probably) fried tofu.

Nanohana (菜の花) gets translated as rapeseed a lot, but really it refers to a variety of plants: flowering, edible members of the brassica genus (broccoli, cauliflower, kale, diakon, cabbage, etc.). The one most commonly referred to as “nanohana” is indeed rapeseed, but the kind you eat (i.e. buy at a grocery store in Japan) is a differently cultivated version from the kind you look at as a pretty flower, and more closely resembles tenderstem broccoli.

Nanohana is also...another spring “season word”!

“The one who calls people stupid is the real stupid one” (馬鹿と言う方が馬鹿 baka to iu hou ga baka) is a common saying in Japanese, this is supposed to be a humorous twist on that.

It’s Donut!

The word for “dropping rank” here is 無礼講 (bureikou). Japanese workplaces are very hierarchical, there’s certain language you have to use with your boss and senpai, it’s very stiff and ritualized in a lot of ways. That can cause problems, especially in the past when it was even stricter, as it highly limits the things you can talk to your superiors about.

The “solution” to this is having a (drinking) party where everyone agrees to drop the act and just have fun/speak your mind. They’re considered important team-building exercises, in a way. However, of course you still can’t take things too far and there are various other social rules involved, so these events have their own difficulties as well.

Kobayashi in particular doesn't seem to like dealing with people, and prefers to hide behind social formalities, as we see later in the episode.

The other phrase here 選べない酒 (erabenai sake; alcohol you can’t choose), I believe is referring to how you can’t turn down drinks when offered at these things. If your boss or senpai is like, “hey, have a drink!” you’re not supposed to refuse—one of the “wait but I thought we dropped the rules” rules.

They actually had to make it a law that you can’t force your subordinates to drink it was such a problem (people getting sick/dying from alcohol poisoning etc.), though I’m not sure how effective it has been.

The phrase she uses here (不安しかないな fuan shika nai na) has more a nuance of “I have a terrible feeling about this,” and I feel the “I'm only worried” translation maybe sort of implies “It’s fine I'm just worried about it is all” instead.

I like the symbolism of Kanna's band snapping as she says it too.

“Goth-loli” is a fashion style, short for gothic lolita, and is not necessarily related to other usages of that word.

Here’s her hiding behind those social formalities. Basically she’s taking the standard formalized template of “how to politely greet someone for the first time (in a work environment)” and just acting it out, rather than actually interacting on a personal level.

The phrase used, 社交辞令 (shakou jirei) refers to these sorts of formalized, “for politeness’s sake” types of things; typically greetings or compliments. It’s kind of like “How are you?” in English, where we ask but don’t actually want or expect a full answer about how they are actually doing or feeling right now—just on a larger scale.

Both Fafnir and Quetzalcoatl have a bunch of references to their mythological counterparts, but you can look that up on Wikipedia just as easily as I can.

“Pai” is used in various words for breasts, so the pi symbol π is used sometimes to refer to them as well. The other word in the background there is 怪しからん (keshikaran), which basically means outrageous/inexcusable. It’s kind of old fashioned, except it’s been turned into a meme where people will use it ironically to describe something erotic and then ask for more. Like, “What are they doing, this is outrageous! No no, don’t stop them.”

The word used here is 痴女 (chijo). It actually means “female pervert,” not necessarily slutty. By “pervert,” it’s meant in like the train molester or flasher kind of way. You may have heard the word used for the train molesters before: chikan (痴漢). Chijo is the female equivalent, literally just replacing the (old fashioned) "man" kanji with the one for woman.

Basically she’s saying “that’s indecent exposure.”

She actually says “early elderly” (初老 shorou), not middle-aged (中年 chuunen). Chuunen is usually from about 40, while shorou is like 60ish. The image is like, white hair, moustache, old-but-still-in-good-shape. Basically Alfred from Batman.

Technically one of the dictionary definitions of shorou is “40,” which would be middle-aged, but that’s not what someone means when they use it in conversation.

In case anyone missed it, she’s just observing that they lean into the turns and such, as some people will tend to do when playing racing games and such.

The title of the ED is “Ishukan Communication” (in katakana). 一週間 (isshuukan) means “one week”/”one week’s time,” and you can see all the days of the week references and such. However, ishu (異種) means different species and kan (間) can be used as a suffix similar to the prefix “inter” in English, so it also means “interspecies communication.”

Also: chorogons.

Japanese days of the week are:

月曜日, moon day, named after the moon (月) 火曜日, fire day, named after Mars (火星, fire planet) 水曜日, water day, named after Mercury (水星, water planet) 木曜日, wood day, named after Jupiter (木製, wood planet) 金曜日, gold day, named after Venus (金星, gold planet) 土曜日, groud/soil day, named after Saturn (土星, ground/soil planet) 日曜日, Sunday(!), named after the sun (日)