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imagoddamnonionmason · 6 months ago

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Holidays at the Mason Home: Chapter 3 - Humble Abode

Fandom: Call of Duty

Word Count: 1894

Relationships: Frank Woods x Bell OC, Alex Mason x OC

Characters: Frank Woods, Alex Mason, Bell OC,

Summary: Bell meets Alex's wife.

A/N: ok so I did some research just to make sure my assumption about Christmas basically not being a thing in Soviet Russia, due to the Soviet Union. I was right. The Soviet Union basically said 'no Christmas is bad. no religion'. I'd recommend going and looking it up if this interests you, 'cause I don't wanna hound y'all with a history lesson-

It was half past midnight when the three of them managed to park the pickup and escape into the heat of the home, which had steps leading up to the front door. On it was a wreath of holly, pinecones and red berries brought together with a red ribbon and golden thread. Sometimes, Bell forgot that it was the time of year where people celebrated Christmas, as she had never really done such a thing. Maybe as a child, but from her teen years and onward, the whole thing was deemed nothing more than a distraction the west built up and up on; the usual schtick that her then comrades would discuss in order to villainise just about every aspect of a society that didn’t hold their ambitious ideologies.

Mason unlocked the door, allowed his friends to step inside first, then turned his eyes to the outside. He scanned, checked everywhere he might expect to find something amiss and when he was satisfied he turned in. He barely had time to take a breath before the stairs light was on and he was being interrogated.

“What time do you call this? I thought something had happened. Has something happened?”

Sarah, for all the good that she was, was a worrier. Her fraught lashings always came from a place of deep caring and it was this knowledge that Mason used to cool down the heat of annoyance whenever she got irate. He found her standing a few steps up on the stairs, wrapped warmly in a dressing gown and slippers on her feet. He doubted that their arrival had woken her from sleep, but rather that she had remained awake.

“Everything’s fine, go to bed.” He offered, “I’ll show these two where they’re staying.”

“Did you tell them about the room?” She asked, finding another reason to remain.

Woods and Bell stood silently, having removed their wet boots and removed their winter wear, hanging them on the hooks nestled at the front door. It was clear now that they were edging into tiredness, but neither of them would say it.

“I didn’t,” Mason admitted.

“Right…” Sarah huffed, rubbing her puffy eyes, “well, why don’t I show them, and you sort out Maximus because the dog won’t come inside and I swear we’ll never find him under all that snow in the mornin’. He never listens to me.”

Putting his hands up, Mason slowly backed into the hallway that headed to the kitchen, offering his wife a soft smile, “alright, just go to bed after, I’ll sort it.”

She nodded, wiping her eyes again. Bell could see that she was utterly drained, her skin a little pale and eyes darkened with circles. She wasn’t quite ill looking, but she did look like she was carrying the weight of the world on her frail shoulders. Then, she gestured to the two of them, a sweeping motion with her hand, and invited them to follow her upstairs.

“Come on, we’ll get y’all settled in,” she offered a warm smile and though it fought to reach her eyes, it couldn’t quite succeed in its endeavour. Woods let Bell go first, taking the rear as he nodded goodnight to Mason. They had shared a look, which Mason had waved him off as nothing to worry about regarding Sarah.

Woods had always found it a little bit annoying how worried she could be, but not because it was her but because of the trait in general; he couldn’t stand to be worried over and, at times, Sarah worried herself out of solutions for the things she worried about - it all seemed pointless and Woods hated inaction. But, she and Mason had their way of dealing with her anxieties, ways that Woods felt he could never quite grasp. He remembered once making her worse when he tried to calm her down.

He’d never do that again.

“So, we didn’t have time to finish the other room before you came,” Sarah began, her voice just above a whisper, “David wasn’t very well and other things, so it just got left until the last minute, and then the last minute wasn’t long enough. That means you two are going to have to share the other spare bedroom. There’s a cot in there, but also a double, so… decide between yourselves who gets the comfy bed and who doesn’t. Unless you’re… sharin’?”

Sarah had looked over her shoulder, a slight glint of hope in her eyes when she asked the question and it caught Woods off guard. He knew exactly what she was implying, but refused to think on it further, unless he wanted to give himself a headache.

Bell threw her brows up in surprise, lips pursed in question, “why would we share?”

“Oh, no reason, it’s only an option,” Sarah urged, quickly regaining an air of innocence about her. She would admit that it was a shame to find that the two were not together and she’d tell her husband as such when he’d finally decide to roll into bed beside her later.

Once at the designated room, Sarah opened the door and let them venture in, flicking the dull light on in the room, a singular bulb with a cream cover hanging from the ceiling. Her voice was erring on the side of teasing, as she bid them goodnight, “behave, you two.”

Then, the door closed, and it was just them.

“Behave? What does she think we are, teenagers?” Woods puffed, nose scrunched slightly in his irk. Bell merely shook her head, patting his shoulder before dumping her bag on the end of the double bed. The sheets were pristine white, with the occasional flower patterned along a seam, as well as ruffles that cascaded to the floor all around the perimeter. Four pillows nestled at the head of the bed, the headboard was a cream colour, the fabric velveteen and adorned with buttons in a diamond pattern across its body.

Then, there was the cot, which looked like it had crawled from the depths of the jungle, gasping for freedom. They had definitely tried to make it more comfortable than what it was, with a sleeping bag, blankets, and a plush pillow.

David even left his bear on the pillow, Woods thought.

“So, which do you want?” Bell asked, watching Woods with tired eyes. Her tone was enervated, heavy, as though sleep was encroaching on her mind quickly.

“Take the bed,” he ordered, “you wouldn’t survive on the cot.”

Her features soured with a look of derision, but she didn’t respond to him. Instead, she hovered in place, eyes watching the same spot of scuffed fabric on her duffel bag, lost in thought. Thoughts of events earlier in the night, of things said and things done, and how easy some of them had come to her. Of course, their camaraderie had meant that she would throw herself on a grenade if the time called for it, if it had ever called for it, as that’s what you would do for those you fought alongside with.

So, turning on the man that would dare threaten the integrity of either Woods or Mason had been the right thing to do. In anyone else’s eyes, they were veterans of a war they were forced to fight and deserved respect. But, to ease into a character such as a wife, a lover, that had been the surprise; she had never thought about anyone in such a way, really only using the prospect of romance to earn something in return, to manipulate. None of her connections in the past had been of a genuine sort, well, all except one. However, she had buried those memories so deeply that she feared they had fossilised.

Anyway, she was left to wonder why she was uprooted by this display of affection between her and Woods. It was that which she couldn’t make sense of and it left a bad taste in her mouth.

“Hey, you still with me?” A hand waved in front of her face and when she broke free of her stupor, Woods stood by her, expertly hiding the concern on his face.

“Why did you go with it? You could have told that guy the truth,” she asked.

“You’re still on with that?” Woods raised an eyebrow, before moving to pull his shirt over his head. His arms then rested against his stomach, the appendages momentarily trapped by the item of clothing, as he thought about his answer.

Bell looked away, quickly.

“Why not?” That was what he settled on. After all, there was no point in mincing words; Woods had felt no need to explain to a fucking idiot the measure of his relationship with Bell. If the Cliff guy wanted to believe that they were married, well that’s on him. Woods didn’t go around correcting people’s assumptions about him, good or bad, because Woods didn’t give a shit.

“It’s like you didn’t even think about it,” she admitted, sitting on the edge of the bed. Woods soon discarded the shirt onto the cot, hands on his hips, chest open as he took a deep breath.

Had his decision upset her that badly? Shit.

“Does it bother you?” He eventually asked, feeling like he was dancing on knives.

He hated that.

“No.”

“Then what’s the issue?”

She should have anticipated it would turn onto her.

“There isn’t one,” she chided, folding her arms over her chest.

Well, maybe just the fact that it leaves me feeling vulnerable, emotionally, and she was not used to that.

“Good,” Woods almost seemed to smile at this, but he turned his back to her, rummaging through his belongings before she could venture to gauge his features and their tells.

A beat.

“Thanks, for putting that guy in his place,” his voice was muffled as he pulled a vest over his head, hair becoming messy as his head popped back into view, “people like him really fucking piss me off.”

“Forget about him. He doesn’t know what it’s like for people like us.” She offered, as she too began to undress, “they want to make it out to be about choice. They think it’s about being good, or being bad. I’ll be damned if I ever knew I had one.”

After all, in war the only choices available are to kill or be killed. To take the bloodied knife that had just killed your friend and plunge into the backs of your enemies, less they use it against you. In her time, all choices were out of reach. It was yessir, no sir, three bags full sir, fucking we have a job to do, Bell.

Her nails were digging into her palms and it was the pain that brought her back to her senses.

Woods quietly regarded that point and came to the conclusion that he couldn’t have worded it better - Vietnam had taken its toll on a lot of people, but try as it might, that place had failed to create a corpse of him and drag him to the depths.

He’d crawled out of that hellhole just to spite those who had put him there.

“Fucking A,” he muttered, after a moment.

That was seemingly it for the night’s conversation and the two got into their beds. Sleep eventually took them, though they slept lightly throughout the night.

#call of duty #black ops cold war #frank woods #alex mason #frank woods x oc #Alex mason x oc #canon x oc #jodie hall #cod bell oc #bocw oc #Sarah mason #my writing #cod fanfic

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beelzebuddy-catan · 1 year ago

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The Not Entirely Human-Human Exchange Student pt.7

Summary: Solomon continues searching for a clue on who Cass is and how she is related to the Nephs while Cass starts to find answers about who the brothers really are. Warnings: Swearing, mentions of death and violence Spoilers: Through Lesson 7, Lilith's status, and a little bit of Nightbringer if you squint. Characters: Cass (OC), Lucifer, Mammon, Levi, Satan, Asmo, Beel, Belphie, Lilith, Solomon, Simeon, Luke, Barbatos, Diavolo, Charon (OC), Preta (OC) and Vas (OC). Notes: Psychopomps are beings in a variety of religions who escort souls to the afterlife. For those not as familiar with Greek Mythology, Charon is a psychopomp and the ferryman of Hades who takes souls buried with Charon’s obol (a coin) across the rivers Acheron and Styx. Nephilim (or as Solomon refers to them, Nephs) translates to "the fallen ones". While there are different beliefs on their identity and origin, they are the offspring of fallen angels (aka demons) and humans in this story. Previous Part • Next Part

Lucifer, who hadn’t joined them for breakfast, had sent a text asking to meet him in the music room. When she excused herself, Mammon, Levi, and Beel all looked like they wanted to stop her. The room only grew more uncomfortable when she told them she’d be fine. In their defense, it probably was too soon for her to say, ‘what’s he going to do, kill me?’ about meeting Lucifer.

Despite his perfect posture, Lucifer seemed nervous. His arms were crossed, and it felt like he wasn’t really looking at her. Of course, she knew why he’d asked her here. There’s no way he’d move on like the other night had never happened.

“How I acted the other night was inexcusable. You have my sincerest apology...Sometime in the near future, I’d like to treat you to a meal. To make up for putting you through a frightening experience.”

“No thank you.” The only indication of his surprise was his eyebrows lifting slightly. “I wasn’t scared last night, so you have nothing to make up for."

Without giving him time to respond, she turned and walked towards the door. Before exiting, Cass looked over her shoulder. “Next time, if you want to take me on a date, just ask.” With a wink, she left Lucifer standing in the room in a sort of stunned awe.

Though five rivers flowed from the other realms to the docks where he stood, it was a place existing separate from any realm, much like Reaper’s homes. It’d gone by different names throughout history, but it was something everyone knew. A journey every being would take one day.

The Aetherworld.

He hated coming here. Solomon looked out over the swirling waters of the Acheron. The fog that formed above the river wasn’t exactly unsafe, but it always felt suffocating. It reminded him of the basement he’d spent so many years trapped in.

He disliked the ocean, but he hated the waters that carried souls to their resting places. The confluence of Acheron and Styx was the worst of them. This was the only place that existed that made him crave the sun’s light and warmth.

There was something here that refused to let go. As if death itself clung to anyone who approached the river. The coldness seeped through everything, making a home wherever warmth remained. And it stayed, long after leaving the docks.

“This is not a place for the living.” A voice so deep and loud it shook the ground spoke. “Only those guided by a reaper may board. King Solomon the Wise, son of David, you are no exception.”

“I’m here on behalf of Lord Diavolo, Future King of the Devildom.”

The lanterns on the gate behind him did little to dispel the darkness. Nor did the lantern hooked to the ferry. He always wondered how Charon was able to navigate the waters. Finally, the faint outline of the speaker could be seen.

“That means nothing beyond those gates. Titles become as trivial as the positions they describe when that threshold is passed. You should know that better than anyone, King Solomon the Wise, son of David.”

If names are so meaningless, why do you keep saying them? Solomon wanted to ask, but knew whatever Charon answered would be just as unhelpful as him not saying anything.

The ferry came to a halt in front of him. He’d forgotten how imposing the psychopomp’s presence was. Despite being only half demon, there were few if any demons that rivaled his stature. His demeanor had changed from the last time they’d met. As if the anger he’d harbored was gone. Yet, those icy grey eyes would never change.

“It’s about the Nephilim.”

It was the only chance Solomon had of getting him to talk. He’d tried everything he could think of apart from contacting them directly. Were it not for Diavolo’s request not to involve Cate, that would have been his first choice. Being here was almost as risky.

Charon didn’t answer. If silence could echo, the Aetherworld would hold the sound. It felt all consuming. As Charon stood before him, Solomon wondered if it was possible for him to go mad from the nothingness he existed in.

“Psychopomps have no concern or interest with the doings of the living or the dead. We cannot afford to care. Nephilim or not.”

The answer was just as he expected, but it’d been worth a shot. Solomon pulled out the Obol from his pocket and held it up for Charon to see. Barbatos had given it to him when he mentioned going to the docks. Apparently, Cass had been carrying the coin when she first arrived in the Devildom.

“I do not require coins for passage. That was a falsehood created then spread by you and your conspirator.”

“I know. This isn’t just a coin. It’s one of yours. You only created ten of these. I just need to know who you gave them to.”

“From whom did you steal this?” Charon bellowed. The sound of his voice created waves around him.

Shit. If Charon became angry enough it, the docks would send out a signal to alert Reapers of an emergency. “I didn’t steal it. There’s a human in the Devildom who arrived with no memories and that coin. I need to know if you gave it to her.”

“Coins were only given to Nephilim. I do not know how a human obtained it.” Solomon sighed, that was his only lead. “This coin was last used by the Maiden of the Three Realms on the anniversary of the day Styx caught the Lightbringer.”

“Who’s the Maiden–?”

“I cannot tell you that.” This fucking guy. “The Nephilim who travelled the Aetherworld is not safe. She has yet to stand the tests of time.”

Before Solomon had time to ask any other questions, Charon was gone. The ferryman had always been terse, but now he was just being cryptic. What he really needed was to spend time with someone who wasn’t dead.

Solomon started towards the gates, teleporting to the Demon Lord’s castle once he crossed the threshold. The Maiden of the Three Realms. He’d never heard of that title. It was hard to remember the details of all the Nephs, especially after the stories they’d created reached Greece and humans began adding to the myths.

Which Nephs were still alive that would receive the title of Maiden. Artemis wouldn’t have accepted a coin from Charon if he’d offered her one. Charon wouldn’t have risked Ares getting his hands on one even if he’d wanted to give one to Athena.

The only maiden he could remember in mythology being associated with Charon enough to receive a coin was Persephone. But that wasn’t one of the myths Barbatos and he had created. Was it the poet Ovid who first wrote that story? The Neph who inspired Hades hadn’t been married. There was no one it could have been based on. So, who was the Maiden of the Three Realms?

---

“Cass?”

When she opened her eyes, the only thing she could see was Beel’s face. He was leaning over her, his face so close, it blocked everything else. She’d been certain Lucifer was going to kill her, and no one in the tomb had been strong enough to stop him.

“You’re alive!” He sighed in relief, sitting down on the edge of the bed. “If Diavolo hadn’t shown up when he did, you’d be dead. I’m so sorry Cass. It’s all my fault.”

“No, it’s not,” Cass finally managed to speak. “Luke wouldn’t have been there in the first place if it weren’t for me. Besides, I’m the one who stepped in front of Lucifer. That was my choice.”

Beel was quiet for a moment. “Why did you do it? You’re not an angel or a demon or even some powerful human. Yet, you looked at Lucifer and still stepped between him and Luke and me. Why?”

“Why wouldn’t I? I think if I only chose to stand up for what I think is right when it’s easy, I’d be betraying a big part of who I am.”

Even though she didn’t know who she was, she knew that was important. If her memories ever did come back, she hoped that much was true. Beel considered her words for a while. Was he thinking about the war and his choice to save Belphie?

“I want to make a pact with you.”

Cass’s eyes widened at the unexpected comment. Never would she have expected one of the brothers to propose making a pact with her. Yet, she could tell Beel was being absolutely sincere. He really trusted her enough to offer that. Which is why...

“I can’t do that to you.”

...it was only right not to.

“It’s not that I wouldn’t, it’s just, I can’t make a pact without being completely honest with you. There’s a chance that you’ll hate me after hearing it, and that’s fine, it’s just somethin–”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Beel interrupted. “I trust you, Cass. Whatever it is, I know there’s a good reason you haven’t told me. Because you wouldn’t do it if it wasn’t a good reason. So, I’d rather you tell me when you’re ready then because you feel like you have to.”

“And if you find out and hate me?”

“I can’t imagine ever hating you, Cass.”

She wanted to believe him. How could he not hate her for hiding Lilith and Belphie, though? She was tired of keeping secrets that weren’t hers but knew revealing them could cause things to get so much worse.

“Okay. If that’s really what you want.”

“Is it okay if I kiss you then?”

Cass released a breathy laugh and nodded softly. Beel beamed and for a second, any worries she had disappeared. It was hard to believe the gentle giant who seemed to carry the only sunshine in the Devildom was one of the most feared demons in the world. And so, her third pact was made.

---

“I assume you know why I asked to speak with you?” Lucifer asked once Cass closed the door to the music room.

Breakfast had been tense that morning. Having been asleep for almost 24 hours after Lucifer almost killed her, Cass hardly let herself be bothered by it. If she’d known how rested almost dying could have made her, she might have asked Lucifer to have tried it sooner.

“How I acted the other night was inexcusable. You have my sincerest apology.” Lucifer approached her, stopping close enough that he could have a more imposing stance. “Let me make something absolutely clear, however. Your curiosity is leading you down a dangerous path. I believe I told you not to climb the stairs to the attic, and yet you did.

“I don’t know how you were able to make it up the stairs since there is a spell cast to prevent any human, angel, or demon except me from entering. As you saw, there is nothing up there. Hopefully the other night served as a learning experience, and you’ll stop meddling.”

Cass made sure not to react to what he said about the attic. He didn’t know she’d found Belphie. Did he cast a second spell on the room? He must have thought it was just a flaw in the spell on the stairs. Things were really working out in her favor lately.

“I want to add, I am not saying this because of your pack with Beelzebub. As long as my brothers consent to it, I have no issues with you making pacts.” She wasn’t surprised Beel had told him. “Just ensure you don’t interfere with our family’s matters.”

“Unless asked, I’ll mind my own business,” Cass answered.

He nodded curtly before taking a step back. “Sometime in the near future, I’d like to treat you to a meal. To make up for putting you through a frightening experience.”

“No thank you.” The only indication of his surprise was his eyebrows lifting slightly. “I wasn’t scared last night, so you have nothing to make up for. I would like to say one thing. I don’t know what happened between when you arrived in the Devildom and when your brothers did, but I do know this, I’m not the one at risk of truly hurting your brothers.”

---

Diavolo had asked them to meet in the Council Chambers before classes. By the time she’d finished speaking with Lucifer, all the other brothers had departed. She now had the choice to either walk with Lucifer or by herself.

Walking with Lucifer was the safer bet, but after what she'd just said, she’d rather sit through a year of uncomfortable breakfasts than whatever would happen on the walk with Lucifer. She was at risk of being killed without him though.

As if hearing her concerns, she heard someone sing her name. Preta and Vas crossed the street to join her in front of the House of Lamentation. Preta had to be one of the most social demons she’d met in the Devildom. The two of them had gotten close partially because they always seemed to be around.

At first, Cass thought the demon was just fond of Beel. Overtime though, she realized that they ended up going to a lot of places together because Preta was quite possibly the only being alive capable of eating as much as Beel. In fact, there were several times Preta had even managed to outeat him.

Despite their outgoing nature and interest in the human realm, Cass was quick to learn that Preta did not get along well with Diavolo. While Cass found it hard to believe someone didn’t like the prince, she was even more surprised that Preta had grown up with Diavolo. Though Preta was open about disliking Diavolo, they never elaborated why.

Cass still wasn’t entirely convinced that Vas was actually a demon. She’d never seen Preta completely in their human form and she’d never seen Vas in his demon form. Unlike the other demons she’d been around, he was overly cautious in his actions while always being sympathetic towards Cass.

The demon also had a knack for knowing when Cass needed something, even before she knew. The café he worked at had become her go to for studying or taking a break away from the House of Lamentation. She’d look up from a book she was engrossed in and see a snack on the table or suddenly her near-empty cup would be full.

“Aren’t you usually at R.A.D. already?”

“Yeah, I had to stay behind to talk to Lucifer about something.”

“Because he tried to kill you?”

Cass stumbled at the question. How did they know already? How many other people knew? Had Lucifer pulled her aside before class knowing people would be talking about it? Vas, who seemed to have expected Preta to ask the question and surprise her, caught her elbow and only let go when he was sure she wouldn’t fall.

“Antichrist, Preta. I thought you weren’t supposed to bring it up.”

“Only because it’s embarrassing that Dia’s right-hand man couldn’t even kill a human. No offense, Cass.”

She tried not to laugh at the nickname. Despite him being the ruler of the Devildom, Preta didn’t treat Diavolo with any formalities. It was even more entertaining watching them and Mephisto argue about it. Interactions between the three made their childhood friendship more evident. It also made Cass think Preta’s dislike of Diavolo was more of a childhood grudge or the way siblings hated each other.

“If only Lord Diavolo hadn’t found out about our death pool.”

“Yeah, you were one of the few people who thought the human exchange student would make it this far. In my defense, it was before you got here Cass.”

“It’s cool, I didn’t expect to live this long either.”

Preta and Vas walked with her until she got to the council chambers. Diavolo had asked the brothers and exchange students to meet there before classes. Vas, ever the psychic, handed her some food for Beel as he was giving Preta something to snack on.

Using her body weight to open the door, Cass entered the council chambers. Only the brothers had gotten there. Mammon was giving her a hug and whispering ‘you’re alive’ in her hair before the others even processed that she had arrived. Beel quickly followed, checking that her limbs were still attached.

“You’re still alive? Well, that’s boring,” Asmo said.

“Just for that, you’re not welcome to my next orgy.”

“What? Cass, no, I’m sorrrryyyyy,” he whined, finally looking up from his phone.

The angels and Solomon entered as Asmo started explaining why he should be invited to any and every orgy. Mammon was yelling over Asmo’s reasoning saying if anyone deserved to be invited it would be him. Levi wasn’t hesitating to mock Mammon when he took a pause. Beel was happily eating the snacks Vas had given her and Satan was ignoring everything around him as he read his latest book.

Cass didn’t bother excusing herself when she stood up to talk to Luke, knowing they wouldn’t hear her anyways. Luke visibly relaxed upon seeing Cass and confirming that Lucifer was not yet in the room. Simeon and Solomon both seemed to mirror the sentiment upon seeing her.

“Cass! I’m so glad you’re okay.” Luke rushed to her side, pulling her into a hug and mumbling apologizes into her side.

She often forgot how strong the angel was given his relative height to those around them. It wasn’t that he was short, he was around 5’5. Even four inches taller than him, Cass felt much shorter than she was. Even Solomon, the only other human here, was above average height, somewhere between 6’3 and 6’4.

Cass was able to assure Luke that she was completely unharmed before Lucifer, Diavolo, and Barbatos entered the council chambers. He didn’t leave her side the entire meeting. Cass wasn’t sure if that was because he was concerned about her or afraid of Lucifer. Either way, she enjoyed his company and wouldn’t complain.

---

“Rise and shine, cowboy.” Cass banged on the door of the attic.

“What the fuck did you just call me?” Belphie’s drowsy voice drifted from the bed. He rolled over, squinting at her.

“You heard me, bitch.”

“EXCUSE ME?”

Within the blink of an eye, Belphie was at the door. Whether he had been in his demon form when he woke up or after her comment was unclear. But there was no hiding the fact he was a demon now. He towered over her. It may have been intimidating if it hadn’t happened so often with his brothers.

“Weird, I’ve never seen a human with horns and tail.”

Belphie’s eyes widened as he realized that in his overreaction, he’d lost any upper hand he thought he’d had. She hadn’t noticed before, but he had the same color eyes as Beel, apart from that there were little similarities. Beel really wasn’t kidding when he said they were practically opposites.

“How long have you known?”

“That you’re Belphegor? Like the moment I saw you.”

“How?”

“There are literally pictures of you all over the place. You’re one of the most famous beings in the Devildom. Did you really think I didn’t’ know what you looked like?” Belphie didn’t answer, appraising her. Unlike the times Lucifer had given her the same look, it didn’t seem like a favorable assessment. “Why bother lying about it? I’d be more inclined to help you if you were honest with me.”

“Is that so?” There was something annoyingly cocky about the way he said it. As if he knew she’d help him no matter what. “Why is it that you already made a pact with Beel then?”

How the hell did he know that? Cass tried not to show her surprise, hands going to rest on her hips where Beel’s pact mark had appeared. Maybe she should have asked Beel more about Belphie and their relationship.

“Because he asked me to.”

Despite his attitude, it was the second time she’d said anything in such a short time that left him speechless. She thought back to what Lilith had said. He definitely didn’t act like he loved humans. At times, it seemed like he could barely stand looking at her. So, what happened?

“What’d you do to trick him?”

“Well first,” Cass said leaning in, Belphie mirrored her action unconsciously. “I treated him with basic empathy. Then, you’re not going to believe it, I respected him.” Belphie scoffed in response, leaning back. “I get it, you don’t like humans. I’m not too fond of you either. But I need you to know that I am going to help you.”

“Why?”

Cass didn’t answer right away. Why was she helping him? She’d promised Lilith to help, but had she ever had a real reason? There wasn’t anything in it for her. Lucifer had told her several times now, let sleeping dogs lie and returned to the Human Realm at the end of the year. It reminded her of the question Satan had asked her outside the bookstore. Why do you care so much though?

Her time at the House of Lamentation over the last few months flashed before her. All the times she’d seen the side of the residents here that they tried to keep hidden. How she knew all of them craved a connection that they were too afraid to share with one another.

There were times Satan showed vulnerability about his relationship to Lucifer, how something he could never escape became so all-consuming he couldn’t see past it. The wrath he couldn’t run from had been with him for his entire life. And he hated it. He hated it so much and he struggled to fight against it. Something he chose to do alone.

Yet, the demon was so much more than that. He’d become so much more than that. Because he wasn’t just wrath. He was smart and driven and understanding in ways his brothers never had to be. They knew who they were without their sins, they grew into them. But if he imagined existing without his sin, he was imagining Lucifer.

Perhaps that’s where his compassion came from. He would look at something as small as a cat and realize they couldn’t do it alone. Because he had done so much alone and no one and nothing should go through that. Even when that anger builds inside, he knows what he needs most is the care he was willing to give so freely.

There were the times Asmo woke her up after a night out begging her to just lay with him. His drunken pleas to still love him that only faded when sleep overtook him always sounded louder than the demon could possibly speak. How even in the silence that followed, she knew he wasn’t craving company, but acceptance. He was always running from the idea that without the perfect, beautiful image he presented, he would be unlovable.

She’d lost track of the times his smile would fall when he thought nobody was looking. When he looked in the mirror, he always saw something different than everyone else. He saw the former Jewel of the Heavens. But he wasn’t that anymore, so what was he? His distant stares seemed to call out for someone to remind him that his worth was independent of his beauty.

There was Lilith, who, despite wandering the halls of the House of Lamentation alone for centuries, asked for Cass to help her brothers only, not herself. Cass would never forget the way the ghost’s voice broke when she asked if she was a bad person. Lilith, whose biggest regret was that she was the root of her brothers’ unhappiness, never worried about her own desires or troubles.

Beel, who lost not only Lilith during the war but Belphie because of the exchange program, continued to open his heart to people. She couldn’t help but smile thinking about the warmth the demon exuded and the overarching trust he’d given her. He carried the weight of all the decisions he thought he should regret but couldn’t bring himself to.

She remembered the hopelessness when he told her about the war and how he couldn’t save the people he cared most about. How she’d woken up by chance to hear him tell her about the nightmares he was plagued with. The nightmares that ended with him alone in darkness. The nightmares that lead him to holding her hand to remind him he wasn’t alone.

The demon was just like the pact marks he’d left behind, etched into her sides where he’d left bruises from catching her not so long ago. The patterns matching his birth marks were bold without being overpowering and reminded her of battle scars, as if the marks were a physical manifestation of the emotional scars he carried.

Her thoughts drifted to Levi and the blush that appeared whenever someone correctly guessed his feelings, how he would light up when talking about something he loved. She couldn’t remember her past, but she was almost certain she’d never met someone harboring that much passion. That very passion Levi was so afraid to share with someone because he thought it’d only lead to him being rejected.

If anyone bothered sticking around, he thought they’d only find what he saw in himself, that he wasn’t worth it. Because how could they see what Levi couldn’t, that he was worth love because of his quirks and not in spite of them. The fear that made him think no one would dare consider making a pact with him.

Then there was Mammon, the demon so afraid that he couldn’t live up to the expectations Lucifer set for him, that he pretended he didn’t care. He let his brothers push all their insecurities and worries onto him because, at the very least, he could carry the things they couldn’t.

He’d still follow Lucifer to hell because Lucifer needed him. And Lucifer trusted Mammon with things he trusted no one else with because he knew Mammon could handle it. Because despite his shortcomings, he was there when nobody else was, when nothing else was.

When Cass was scared or felt alone, Mammon was there. All the false bravado was done both for himself but others as well. Because no matter how worried they might be, Mammon was willing to be a fool to bring them comfort. He’d been doing it for so long, he’d forgotten what it was like to not be put down. Because he cared so much, he always put the people he loved first.

So, when she finally answered Belphie, she repeated what she’d said to Beel, “Why wouldn’t I?”, because she was willing to do whatever she could for the demons she’d come to love. As Belphie pondered her response, she added, “but don’t think for a second, it’s because of you.”

After contemplating her decision, he began asking questions about how she got past Lucifer and how she could see the room if he’d cursed it. She tried answering the questions the best she could, but she didn’t know much more than him.

“What’s so special about you? Why did Lord Diavolo choose you of all people? I mean, you’re below average at best.”

“I’m really starting to enjoy your company, you know that? Too bad you’re stuck, or we’d have a blast at the formal dance Diavolo’s hosting.”

“Dance?” Belphie scoffed.

“All the exchange students and student council members are having an exchange party at the castle.”

“Kind of grateful I’m stuck in here for the moment.”

Cass rolled her eyes at Belphie’s comment. “Oh, I forgot, I brought you something.”

She slid a few pieces of paper under the door for him. Initially, she’d considered giving him a phone, but she didn’t get service in the attic. She’d decided to print off some pictures of his brothers since he’d last seen them to decorate his space.

Belphie’s eyebrows furrowed as he picked up the papers and flipped through them. The mask he’d been wearing melted, if only briefly, as a smile tugged at the corner of his lips. She’d considered telling him about Lilith, but after the ghost’s warning, decided against it.

“Why?” Contempt returned to his voice as he glanced up from the pictures, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. Cass shrugged, not having an answer that he would believe. “What do you want?”

“Not everything has an ulterior motive.” Belphie didn’t answer, just muttered an insult under his breath before looking at the pictures again “Sometimes people do things just to do them.”

Maybe that’s why she decided to help them in the first place, even before she felt this way. Because sometimes people do things just to do them. Because humans do things just to do them. And she was, if nothing else, still human.

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ad0rechuu · 2 years ago

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open . . . 📁⌗౨ৎ ABOUT ME .ᐟ

all about © adorechuu if you’re interested!

[ REQUESTS ] ⋆ [ MASTERLISTS ]

i. ━━━━ BEFORE YOU INTERACT .ᐟ

i swear and call people petnames quite a lot, i sometimes use girl or dude but i try not to on strangers, i’m autistic so sometimes tone indicators are nice, i try to keep most of my works gender neutral but i also write for female reader and ALL my stories are initially catered to dark skinned poc!! it’s fine to interact with me no matter what age but under 16- and above 30 please don’t pm me!

ii. ━━━━ ZERO .ᐟ

04, she/they, afro-latino, bisexual, time zone: cet, infp, atheist, neurodivergent, dms are open and if u want my discord just ask but read dni first

iii. ━━━━ DON’T INTERACT .ᐟ

the dni basic criteria but also if u are, an anti of anyone/solo stan for no reason/shipper/ssng, on edtumblr, talk a lot about religion (esp christianity), a btspopper, an adult new jeans fan, fetishize bl/gl content (esp if ur not achillean/sapphic), r into incest/lolicon/race play DO NOT INTERACT WITH ME

iv. ━━━━ CURRENT FANDOMS .ᐟ

kpop + obey me + arcana twilight + love and deepspace

v. ━━━━ LIKES .ᐟ

the color black, all kinds of music, pulling all nighters, kang seulgi, kdramas, angst and smau’s, interacting with other people on here, art and making art, storms, the podcast my favorite murder, pinterest, buying kpop albums, stories with a dark skin protagonist, gl/wlw content, jpop, picrews, liminal spaces, weird/dream core, eye strain !

vi. ━━━━ DISLIKES .ᐟ

being sick, bugs/frogs/butterflies, mcyt, the word alpha, astrology or any other pseudo sciences, unjustified solo stans, shippers of real ppl, the un-ironic use of the laughing till crying emoji. (the rest are stuff i don’t hate but i’m just not interested:) white idols, bts, mlp, taylor swift, harry potter, steven universe !

vii. ━━━━ STAN LIST .ᐟ

coming soon

thank you for taking the time to read this! ily - zero <3

#ad0rechuu — blog keeping #about me #about zero #important

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captainimprobable · 1 year ago

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I'm a month away from turning 30 so here's 30 things I learned in the last 3 decades -Sometimes being in love is not a reason to stay in a relationship. Sometimes you need to leave, no matter how in love you are. -You'll be surprised at the ideas you have that change, but even more surprised at the ones you keep and don't change. -Keep a water bottle on you at all times -Adults have no idea what the fuck they're doing. If you feel confused and like you don't have it figured out, congrats, you're just like the rest of us. There will never come a point where you understand absolutely everything and that's okay and something you need to accept. -If you can, get a pet. Caring for something gives you a reason to get out of bed in the morning -You shouldn't be absolutely miserable at your job. It's okay if you don't like it, it's okay if it's not your passion, but if you dread going every day you need a new job -You don't owe your bosses anything more than what the job requires -at some point you'll realize: you weren't ugly, you were just 13. You weren't someone who deserved to be hated, you were just 13. -For fuck's sake be kind to retail and restaurant workers! And sanitation staff! -Just be kind, for you and for other people. It will mean the world to the other person, and honestly sometimes you'll get good shit from being nice. If you compliment the woman giving you a rental car, she may waive some fees for you just bc you were nice. (Speaking from recent experience lmao) -There is no guide book that other people have. Nobody has a list telling them exactly how when and where to accomplish things. If you feel like you're behind your peers, that's not because you're behind. It's because you're living a different life than them. It sounds stupid and simple but it's true. That's their life. You're doing your thing. You'll get there. (I don't believe this one yet but I'm working on it) -Kids are people too. Treat them with respect and kindness. -Don't save things for special occasions. Make today special. -You need to have friends who are different from you. I swear to god you will grow so much more if you have friends who aren't your age or race or religion. -Sometimes you will be bad at something, no matter how hard you try. That's okay. -Stop imagining some perceived future when your life will "start". You're living right now. You've started. Keep going now. (Still learning this one too) -It's okay to mourn the years mental or physical illness took away from you. It's a form of grief and that's totally valid. Just don't get stuck thinking about it forever. -Labels can be great! But don't let labels shut you in boxes. People can change at any age. -Learn how to use tools. I needed my mother to build a chair for me last year because I don't know a hammer from a screwdriver. -You WILL lose friends. It's inevitable. It doesn't mean it was a failed friendship. It was just time. -Advocate for yourself at the doctor! If they don't take you seriously, find a new doctor. -Stuffed animals are for people of every age -If you're going through something, tell someone. At least one person. You'd be surprised how much it can help. It's not cool or noble to keep it all to yourself. -Get a hobby that you need to use your hands to physically do -Go outside at least once a day. Unless it's dangerous. Then stay inside ig. -Doing things alone is great, actually. Traveling, going to dinner, etc. Being alone can be so much fun. -Fashion is made up. Wear those contrasting patterns. It literally does not matter. -You don't have to give up your "childish" hobbies. There are no rules. -Don't play games in a relationship, whether romantic or platonic. State your intentions clearly, and if there's a problem, bring it up immediately so it doesn't fester. -Lift with your knees. For real.

#jaytp

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spinningintheshadows · 2 years ago

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290 Song Lyric Prompts

This is months of work, FIVE different "Volumes" (Playlists). I have combined all of my previous Song Lyric Prompts into one post, one list. I hope you enjoy. They are separated by Volume because tumblr yelled at me :)

Playlists:

[Volume One]

[Volume Two]

[Volume Three]

[Volume Four]

[Volume Five]

Volume One

“Drive this car through the drive thru please”

“Dirty laundry looks good on you”

“Where’s the dotted line at?”

“Are there windows in heaven?”

“Bought you a twelve pack, promised you sushi”

“I want to take you to a gay bar”

“I’m in love with the girl I hate”

“It’s been a while since I’ve felt butterflies”

“One day you’ll know who you want to be”

“You ain’t nothing but a prick”

“You’re not in love with me”

“I wanna kiss you every minute, every hour, every day”

“On second thought, forget it, that one turns out kind of cool”

“Honey, I’ve got real bad news”

“I heard that rock is dead and cellphones give you cancer”

“It will be worth it, everything you went through”

“They’ve never drove through Indiana”

“You’re my song, my sweet home Alabama”

“You’ve got so many options, every fish in the sea wants to kiss you”

“Relationships, I don’t know why, they never work out and they make you cry but the guy who says goodbye to you is out of his mind”

“My family is dysfunctional but we have a good time killing each other”

“I fell in love in the back of a cop car”

“You don’t have to worry”

“I’m still having nightmares”

“I flashback to the night in your parents yard when we drank too much and we talked about God”

“We’re gonna make it if takes all night”

“She’s my kind of crazy”

“Who says you can’t go home?”

“Fist fights turn into sex, I wonder what comes next?”

“If I were a boomerang, I’d turn around and come back to you”

“It’ll still be two days till I say I’m sorry”

“Remember when you broke your foot jumping out the second floor?”

“There’s room for two, six feet under the stars”

“Oh god, I did the wrong thing to the right girl”

“When it comes to condoms, put two on”

“I won’t give up on us”

“I’m a bit too pop for punk kids, but I’m too punk for the pop kids”

“We don’t have trouble sleeping”

“Daddy’s little girl knows how to party”

“A days worth of bitching goes down the drain when you lay in my bed and pick my brain.

“Wrong name, my mistake”

42. “Being us feels good to us”

“It’s not high school, man, you graduated six years ago”

“A few drinks in, here I go missing you again”

“There’s something about the way our bedsheets turn religion upside down”

“And I’ve made mistakes, but you were not one”

“I swear to god, I never fall in love”

“I miss the way you breathe, the way you twitch in your sleep. Your smile, your straight teeth and the scars along on your cheeks”

“When you talk, its in cursive to me. And it’s nicer than anything I’d ever believe about me”

“I don’t mind if you fuck up my life”

“Make a man feel rich on minimum wage”

“You broke my heart and all I got was this t shirt”

“You ask “When did I first know?” I always knew”

“You’re kind of hipster, I grew up on punk rock”

“Made a rebel of a careless man’s careful daughter”

“And all my friends don’t give a fuck”

“We’ll talk about how your parents separated and how you don’t want to make the same mistakes as them”

“Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything?”

“Leave your sorrys, grab your car keys.”

“I’d unfuck you if I could”

“You say you love me, I know you love me. Love that you love me, baby”

“I lose my voice when I look at you, can’t make a noise though I’m trying to”

“Now with my eyes wide open, it’s heaven in your arms”

“I know that you’re in pain but if we die at the same time does it still scare you?”

“I can make you laugh ‘til you cry, but she can make your tears dry”

“I hope a heart only breaks this bad once in a lifetime”

“I didn't call you back because I was learning to dance”

“Sometimes I just want to tell you about my day”

“Yes my fucking nails are painted, what you think I didn’t know?”

“Mama tried to raise me right, but she couldn’t raise the hell out of me”

“Dancing in the dark ‘til the sun comes, tangled in the sheets ‘til the days done”

“I take a drink ‘cause the truth is hard to swallow”

“Big heads up, that’s a really stupid plan”

“We used to kiss all night, now it’s just a bar fight”

“What’s the point of going out when you could just give me a call”

“I didn’t know I was broken until I wanted to change”

“We have something worth remembering”

“I fell in love with the girl at the rock show”

“And I just can’t stop thinking of you, wherever you are"

"I never wanna leave this sunset town

Volume Two

“Do you ever get a little bit tired of life?”

“Will you even look back when you think of me?”

“Somebody’s gonna love you. Take all the dark, turn it to light and paint you sky blue”

“They’re judging me, I’m judging you, we ain’t got nothing else to do”

“Don’t wake me up in the middle of the night, because I finally found you”

“I lose my voice when I look at you, can’t make a noise though I’m trying to tell you all the right words”

“If all it is is eight letters, why am I in my own way?”

“If I said I want your body, would you hold it against me?”

“They say don’t go to bed angry but I guess that’s where we are”

“Things you take for granted when you grow up by the beach”

“Go on then, love, and show me your heart, ‘cause you are enough as you are and I’m awestruck”

“Is it really your anxiety that stops you from giving me everything, or do you just not want to?”

“Welcome to the world that we live in. A perfect collision, it’s beat down, it’s broken, it’s bright. Welcome to happiness, sadness, to love and to madness”

“I always hear you on the background laughing, you know I hate it when you’re not around”

“These days you’ve been stuck in my brain, wanna play you over and over again”

“Secrets don’t make friends. We make love and love falls apart”

“Tell me you’re okay, yeah what’s that like? Rose tinted glasses, it must be nice. Doing your best while you die inside”

“I’m happy to see the happy back in your eyes”

“You make it hard to miss this hometown”

“A bad boy seems like a good idea until it’s too late”

“Couldn’t keep running, had to hit rock bottom to know”

“I wanna get back to where we started, to the summer night. You know, you know, you know, you know we got it right”

“I realized you are destined and meant to be mine”

“Keep switching your alibi, stuttering when you reply”

“But fuck, I’m so alone, and really need some help”

“We’re dancing on the edge of anxiety’s ledge and I might fall again”

“If we’re said and done, I know that I shouldn’t say that I still care but I still care”

“I haven’t slept in days but who’s counting”

“So I drown it out like I always do, dancing through our house with the ghost of you”

“Too many bottles of wine, can’t get my ducks in a row”

“Got me panicking, manic, and I can’t get no sleep”

“I’ve got a feeling I don’t get a grip I will slip and fall completely under”

“Some days you start singing’ and you don’t need a reason”

“I need a little more luck than a little bit, cause every time I get stuck the words won’t fit”

“Must be the music that’s got me shaking like an addict”

“I bite my tongue so you don’t hear me”

“I’d unfuck you if I could”

“Here’s to now and nothing else, in the crowd all by yourself. To the hellos and the goodbyes, the lows and every high. In this moment I could die with you.”

“Just watch from a safe place so I never have to lose”

“I don’t really understand this life and why we’re all here.”

“If you need me now, I’ll be there somehow”

“I’m so sick of watching while the minutes pass as I go nowhere”

“Let’s see how far I’ll go now that I’ve lost control”

“If I could go back and erase you from my mind, I’d do it in a second”

“I was so scared of losing you, so I lost myself instead”

“I fell in love, in love with you suddenly.”

“Your heart belongs to someone else and I’m always here to keep you company”

“You say you’re sorry and you want us to fix what’s wrong, but I’d rather dye all my insides blonde”

“These last two years were the worst of my life”

“So hold on tight it’s a fast ride in the end”

Volume Three

“If I knew from the start would it change a thing?”

“You don’t have the time to not make time”

“There’ll be happiness after you but there was happiness because of you”

“You used to make me feel like I could walk on water but now most nights I’m just sinking”

“So go to hell and tell the devil I’m not that far behind”

“I’m trying to keep from going insane, ain’t that the way of this whole damn thing”

“For a minute, I was stone cold sober”

“I wish I could still call you friend”

“I know I deserve what you’re putting me through”

“I’ve been trying hard not lose my breath ever since you left”

“Where did you lose your happiness?”

“You’re the thing that I can’t quit”

“Trying to remember how it feels to have a heartbeat”

“Tell me it’s okay to be happy now”

“I was born but I wasn’t raised”

“I’ll tell you all about it when I see you again”

“Five best friends on four bald tires”

“Even if I knew you’d be the one that got away, I’d still go back and get you”

“Tell me who you were falling for when we were lying on the floor”

“All the greats die young, that’s probably why I’m still alive”

“I never thought we’d make it out”

“I wish we could live here all the time”

“I know that you’re in pain but if we die at the same time, does it still scare you”

“I don’t want to leave this bar until I get your number”

“All that I know is that I just can’t say no to you, funny how things never change”

“I was young and horny.”

“I’d kill for one more way to tell you how you make me better every day”

“How did we end up talking in the first place”

“The weight of the world’s getting harder to hold up”

“There’s a lot more color in the mix when you’re loud and proud out in the sticks”

“Faking smiles and confidence”

“Fight the break of dawn, come tomorrow, tomorrow I’ll be gone”

“Why do I get myself into something I’m not ready for”

“I’d be lying if I tried telling you that you’re not everything that I want”

“It’s bittersweet I can still count on you for something”

“I see you when I close my eyes. I see you like I did that night”

“Tomorrow isn’t promised if the planet falls apart”

“If we get sober, we’ll never get old until we die”

“The tears from your eyes are leaving stains on your shirt, man”

“I ignore all the warning signs, fall for you every time”

“If I think you’re for real, I’m in denial”

“I’m just trying not to lose my shit this time”

“You don’t want to be friends, you’re just horny and fucked up at two am in the morning”

“I’m still young, wasting my youth. I’ll grow up next summer”

“With a full moon and a shitty mood”

“Everything gets fuzzy when you come around”

“I’ll be fine even though I’m not always right”

“We haven’t got time to be putting out fires we didn’t start”

“When you touch me I know there is purpose in my life”

“Maybe someone will save us before we drown”

Volume Four

“Playing fiction in a parking lot, anything to be more than an afterthought”

“Yeah, that’s good to know, wish I knew three years ago”

“I watched you fall away, evade accountability”

“Was I a fool for ever thinking I could get you to stay?”

“If I wake up and I’m still breathing, meet me where the sidewalk ends”

“Today I called to tell you that I’m changing but I don’t think you have enough respect to see me try”

“Don’t you ever dare call me Vanilla”

“I read your letter, the one you left when you broke into my house”

“Leave it to me to fuck it up without a good reason.”

“I’m not scared to jump if you want to”

“I’ll keep my secrets inside of my mind, promise I loved you but you roll your eyes”

“Got this bloodstain on my shirt, looking back it doesn’t hurt”

“I don’t mind sleeping all alone, but I’d rather wake up next to you”

“I’m always the outcast, I’ll take the blame. The first night you met me, you forgot my name”

“Like bullets inside my head, you’re drivin’ me insane but there ain’t nothing I would change”

“I’m at the same dead end, the lonely space in my head”

“Now we’re at the part where you’ll hate what you see, what the fuck is wrong with me?”

“We’ve got this thing and it’s untouchable. It’s so dirty, pretty, beautiful”

“I’m a first class ticket to a fistfight, took a hit to the ribs but I feel just fine.”

“Is this butterflies or nausea? I can’t tell the difference anymore”

“Tell me what it’s like to be loved by you”

“Baby, I can tell you ain’t easily impressed”

“Like weeds through the concrete cracks, and the flowers by the railroad tracks”

“It’s only been a couple of days and I miss you”

“When you change your mind, I’ll be waiting”

“I only miss you at midnight”

“Remember when you hit the brakes too soon, twenty stitches in a hospital room”

“Mama tried to raise me right but she couldn’t raise the hell out of me”

“So let’s take it back to the basics ‘cause let’s face it, I am on my own”

“You’d never remember me when you’re pulling on his jeans”

“I’m over wasting time in life trying to be something I’m not”

“There’s only one place I wanna be”

“Deep dive off the coast of my feelings”

“I’m glad to say this chapters about to end”

“And when you touch me like that I get a little attached”

“I’m single in September when I didn’t want to be”

“I’m at best your second option”

“Redefine rock bottom with these empty orange bottles”

“A sloppy drunk obsessed with his juul”

“The things I’ve learned from a broken mirror, how a face can change when the heart knows fear”

“I can’t forget the way you looked without your jeans on”

“I’ma treat you right tonight, let’s make it last forever”

“Pushed out of the family tree��

“Guess I think too much, maybe I’m obsessed with universal things like money love and death”

“You love who you love, ain’t nothing you should ever be ashamed of”

“With the boombox blaring as we’re falling in love”

“I go back to the loss of a real good friend, and the sixteen summers I spent with him”

“There’s a noise complaint from room 304”

“Just shut up and drink your diet soda”

“We had to learn the hard way”

“All You ever wanted was a part of me that I couldn’t fake”

“Love’s got a funny way of keepin’ score”

“If the world ends, I hope I’m in my living room with my best friends”

“Baby blue eyes, stay with me by my side ‘til the mornin”

“I’ll have you know, I’m scared to death”

“Tell yourself it’s never gonna happen again”

“All the times you said you hate me, baby, I know what it feels like now. Damn it, I’m sorry”

“I would have married you in Vegas had you given me the chance to say I Do”

“Oh well, guess I’ll see you in hell”

“I got one thing to say and that’s thanks for nothing, kiss my ass”

Volume Five

“Wide awake but it just feels wrong”

“We can fuck about it later if you want”

“I was fighting for my life eight months ago”

“Don’t be fooled, I’m only letting you down”

“Let’s run free and carry on, like we did when we were young”

“But I’m headstrong and stubborn and stuck in my ways”

“I wanna wake up with you and I, I wish we could live here all of the time.”

“I know my love should be celebrated, but you tolerate it”

“I have this thing where I get older but never get wiser”

“I picked the petals, he loves me not”

“There’s always gonna be that one forever thing attached to you and me”

“Moving on isn’t something I regret, but it hard to forget”

“I don’t want to waste my life without you baby”

“As memories fade, nothing’s the same, guess I better act my age”

“You’re either with us or you can keep it to yourself”

“They say bad things happen for a reason”

“This could be the end of everything”

“Love me for who I am and who I’m gonna be”

“When we were still changing for the better”

“I’d tell you that I’m scared of turning out a failure”

“It’s safe to say I knew it, yeah, I knew it all along”

“You can do just what you like tonight”

“Memories I hold to keep safe, and I live for that look on your face”

“Go ahead and take life’s lemons, you can mix them with some top shelf”

“Now we’re at the part where you’ll hate what you see.”

“I’ll go through the walls and kick down doors”

“I even hate my favorite band, all because of you.”

“You make me feel like 1990 something”

“There’s nothing but broken streetlights, and I’m just trying to escape”

“I know I shouldn’t tell you”

“Have you ever been alone in a crowded room?”

“Don’t you go and carry on with your life”

“So go to hell and tell the Devil I’m not that far behind”

“Sex and white lies, handcuffs and alibis”

“So pour me another and kiss me like there’s no tomorrow”

“Spare me just three last words”

“I still don’t know when I can come home, but I promised I would try”

“I barely know her but she starts to give me butterflies”

“She said she wants me for a lifetime”

“Guess I’m getting used to sleepless nights”

“You look pretty with my heart in the palm of your hand”

“I thought this was as bad as it gets but I was wrong”

“You don’t wanna love me right now, ‘cause baby, I don’t even like me”

“Lying isn’t me, so I’ll just be completely honest”

“This shit should be a sin”

“Part of me’s a saint, but I’ll be a sinner”

“I miss you in the mornings when I see the sun”

“Now those songs we used to sing are just songs I can’t sing anymore”

“I would do anything, anything for you”

“I’d drive her anywhere from here to California”

#song prompts #song lyric prompts #lyric prompts #outer banks #obx #jj maybank #rudy pankow #drew starkey #austin north #all time low #writblr #Rafe Cameron #topper thornton #requests writing prompts #writing prompt list #writing prompts #writing prompt #prompts

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sirenemale · 2 years ago

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Thoughts on dovewing or hollyleaf? I say this as a dovewing kinnie

Cracks my knuckles

THEY'RE BOTH HUGE FAVS OF MINE. Back in my kin era I kinned them both hahaha. Hollyleaf is my ultimate favourite warrior cats character I'm so normal about her PROMISE. I'm gonna go on for ages but my affection for these characters is mainly bc of my own interpretation and projection on them (As is the case with most wc fans I feel).

I'll start with Dovewing! The way her emotional issues were brushed aside was INSANE to me. To me she was such a normal kid thrust into this immense world ending drama that she was told she had to stop, because she got power she didn't ask for, that overwhelm her senses and emotions constantly. She's neurodivergent & desperately trying to mask for her clan. Lionblaze, Jayfeather & Ivypool are not kind to her, I think she should have been the one to get drawn into the dark forest. It'd actually make good on the idea that the 3 could have become tools for evil, it makes good on her care for other clan cats and her frustration over not being able to help them when she knows they need it. I just like her, she's sweet, I think she's very grounded and deserved better. Issues with her and tigerheart aside I think her choosing Shadowclan and settling down with him was really cute, I'm glad she left for a better environment for herself, I hate that Ivypool never stopped being cruel to her. I also am addicted to the tension of Lionblaze and Jayfeather overlooking her bc she's younger and bc she's just Not hollyleaf. Like it's so tragic it's so rough and I resonate with her immensely for that. Like no one is being outright cruel but you can Tell you aren't what they want, and that kind of thing eats at a person, and I think it ate at her when she wasn't around cats she felt seen around (Tigerheart, Purdy ect). She lost her childhood and basically lost her sister, realized how much she wasn't living up to what anyone wanted her to be, and she chose to leave for herself. I like her. I care about her. Um. Niftysenpai's dovewing mv is one of my favourite wc videos ever.

Okay Hollyleaf GOD. My take on her is like INSANELYYYYYY projection heavy but like. To me she is ultimate victim to the clan structure. She grew up under a dogmatic and strict religion and society and takes pride in moralizing about the code to others, she takes pride in being powerful and ambitious, she wanted to be a med cat because it was important. Idk if I made this up but I swear I remember Leafpool saying she wasn't very delicate with herbs, and I love the idea of these ambitious and powerful traits being admired in the clan and also reviled if the cat in question is "Evil". I like the idea of Hollyleaf feeling an immense pressure to balance herself, recite the code to prove she was good, prove she's not heavy handed or fight hungry like the text sometimes implied. Ngl I kind of really like the idea of her having a bit of the bramble/tigerstar complex. So the fact she takes so much purpose in the code only to find that her own birth breaks the rules? Finding out she wasn't part of some god given prophecy like her brothers. It's brutal. Me as a guy with religious trauma thoughts went cuhrazy. I find her spiral and breakdown so so so so compelling, I love the idea of her still trying to live by increasingly distorted versions of the code. Justifications of killing ashfur, regret, guilt, shame, repenting to the gathering ect.

I do wish she had gotten a better conclusion? I don't think the tunnels plot line or her coming back only to die was like. Anything at all. Idk what I would have written instead, tho I am making a pmv with her so u will see my take on her eventually in video. There's a lot of hollyleaf videos I really like but Cheetehz's hollyfawn map is the closest I've seen to hitting my view of her. Someone who has tried so so hard to prove herself and be of use, keeping her head up and crushing down some part of her that's hurt by failing those expectations. I like her breakdown being a straw on the camels back moment instead of a surprise.

#ARUGH THIS IS SO LONG #CAN U SEE THE RUNNING THREAD DO U GET IT #quietly bearing the expectations of others before finally breaking down #choosing yourself or losing yourself while others look on and cry over where this came from #that's not what you're like #but it is it is and it's so fair bc you've carried so much for so long

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insomniaccipher · 9 months ago

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Okay thought I made a very quick post just saying thank you for showing interest in my Sleep Token Oc! I wasn't expecting anyone to care 😅

I'm getting all the notes together now (both physically and on my phone) so that I can make the post somewhat presentable. It's going to be pictures of my notes and ramblings with text elaborating on them. Mainly cause my handwriting is one of those I can read but looks like a mess to others.

For now here are a few very quick little facts about them, I swear I'll have the main post out maybe today, tomorrow at the latest, and thank you so so much!

- Despite initially tying them directly to the band and then later mostly removing that connection, I believe both parties would have heard of one another and have occasionally interacted but not enough to be super close, I always liked the idea of them being able to play the violin.

- HATES bitter food, like they cannot stand it at all.

- Despite spiders somewhat unnerving them, only the ones with long legs and tiny bodies for some reason, they have a pet spider and can often be found talking to it (It's name is Arachne).

- "Arachne is smarter than this entire cult, and furthermore she doesn't talk back"

- Ex-greek mythology nerd. Or just a mythology nerd in general, they had or have a profound love of looking into different cultures, religions, myths etc. Still semi-true

- I'll talk about their relationship to the band in the proper full post but for a quick summary: like I stated before both parties know each other but aren't close-close but I think that if given the chance, they would get along well with IV.

- Is occasionally prone to being so deep into their work that sometimes they forget basic necessities and have to be snapped out of it.

- They fall into a weird area of having run out of fucks but still very much cares. Like they still worship Sleep and do as they say but there are definitely moments where they'll crack a light joke, they don't joke around a lot so it comes across as more of a sarcastic remark, against Sleep. Nothing that would get them in trouble, but they joke so rarely that it's a bit jarring.

- They can go from giving deep and profound advice to 'Sleep give me fucking strength, just do this you fucking numbskull'. So ya ran out of fucks but still very much cares.

That's all for now sorry! I promise I'll have the full thing out sometime today (maybe tomorrow at the latest)! I'm always open to criticism so when I post the full one feel free to rip into it. Thank you so much again!

(Obviously when I'm referring to the band I'm referring to them as their on stage personas, no connections to the people behind the masks. I know I probably don't have to clarify but I wanted to make it clear I'm firmly on the side of fucking respecting their wishes when it comes to keeping their identities private.)

#Sleep token #sleep token oc #thank you so much!#im genuinely excited to tell you about them!#just a quick post #St #again thank you so so much!

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velvetporcelain · 11 months ago

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unemployed & beautiful

damn happy Monday my love. started the morning out right. ice and no school. yes, puts me in a mood that I don't know what to do with. a good, anxiously happy one.

there are many things to can choose from today. will it be things of my free will or will it be chains and things, like chores and things that I dint want to do that make me feel like a slave--? I don't know what kind of sadistic shit I want to pull out of my head today so I remain idle, and longing for movement.

the winter has got me feeling like a cooped up chicken just laying eggs. so I start looking into planning my anniversary.

hmm. where do you take a man that moves and thinks differently? I thought about painting again, but I wanted something a bit more connecting- escape room. yes- then a steak dinner at one of the best running steakhouses in St. Louis, according to google. I have already made my appointment for my double nipple piercing and every time I think about it, it really sets the tone for me. Im get excited and pushy, I want to fast forward, but we all know deadlines hit you best when you're not looking. so I remain blinded, voluntarily blinded and distracted, id say that im good at that. it is usually when I ignite my creative side, and let go of the need to consume, consume, consume.

Today I feel like I need to be consuming something, but that's not really my style if I'm honest, I love creating, and I love that I get better and better at it every time its put to use. self satisfaction is the most satisfying feeling. things and choices you have made on your own, at your own will, and on your own time. intimate experience with yourself in the creating process. that's real satisfaction. I like that creativity gives you the chance to change the things that you cannot except. There is no reality in creativity, which makes it a main power source of the human mind. Sometimes I think it can take you too far, but then again, art should disturb the comfortable. and we all know how comfortable we can get.

its like when I get comfortable, I get anxious, it is when my mind is the most creative. I don't like being comfortable. if that makes sense mentally. I like pushing myself past the margins of "what is" and run with the idea of "what if", well, because I can.

I am grateful for the stillness amongst my chaos. nestled right underneath the chaos of the real world.

the other day my daughter told me my son said she was going to hell. I said " we are already here" I suppose that is score belief of mine. I think that the only heaven on earth is in fact inside the human mind. it is not a place of glory, it is peace of mind. Dying with peace is heaven. the truth is no one knows, and I love how self righteous humans can be , especially when it comes to religion itself.

what if hell was your memory? and yeah being stuck in your memories is hell. even if the memories were good, it still creates some type of hell. like a mad scientist trying to recreate his most successful expriement and expecting the same results. it just doesn't work like that. I believe that the only way to use memory advantageously is to learn from it and let it go. do not try to repeat things that were once successful to a higher mindset, It will bring you down. Being present to me, means staying in the middle of past and future, but then again I can't help but think we wake up our future selfs everyday, and nothing is ever present. presence only presents itself as the clock face. humans hate time. maybe even time can be hell. who knows.

so today! yes, today. what shall I do? just be? just flow? create? love? conquer?

I swear to god, if I hear anything nor about Taylor swift and how the women energy makes a males performance that much more enhanced-- like any fucking woman didn't know that already-- im gonna fucking puke.

fuck her and her red lip stick. okay okay, I know we aren't suppose to bash other women, but fuck her. lol she dated and used men up for each album and I think that is so genius that I hate her. HA HA

wow how raw today, I laugh at myself and say that is what happens when im anxiously idle. I think. I say. I do. is this impulse? or feelings? are we more impulsive when we are happy or when we are angry? again, impulse keeps the living alive. obviously it has pulse in its name so----- -----

gotta get more dedicated to taking care of myself, instead of killing myself. that's what I want. dedication to self preservation. I think I can manage, im halfway there with some high habits to break, but that doesn't scare me, I know what im capable of, which can work with me at times and can work against me at time, but only if I let it. my weaknesses are real, but fixable, satisfiable, and im really good at self soothing.

for fuck sake. bring on the healing.

auf wiedersehen.

-x

#girl interrupted #diary #unemployed and beautiful #tumblr diary #diaryposting #personal diary #poetic #writeblr #writing #writers and poets #poetry #poetry blog #thoughts into the void

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catnherthoughts · 2 years ago

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5:33 am

i think i make romance a sort of religion. the constant thoughts about him. the way i obsess. honestly i think it’s a bit concerning. the playlists. the tweets. the posts that are just ambiguous enough to not be too obvious but just enough to make you think. think about me. do you ever think about me? you love to keep me wondering. i always wonder. what do you see in me. am i just some girl you can fuck when you’re drunk? maybe. but then what was break all about. i swear i saw you falling for me. you don’t give that sort of attention to just anyone. i would know. reference to calling all my lovelies but all of the men that want me? i can’t even give them the thought of day now. the man who made me realize i could love again. the one who started this stupid cycle. he wants me. it’s so desperate it’s pitiful. that does make me think a bit. would i still want you if you were at my feet like i pray for? like i manifest. like i cry for. is this what i want? do i keep up this self fulfilling prophecy to keep myself the victim. keep myself stuck in the same cycle i spite god for putting me in? i mean i could go to him but i don’t want him. i want you. i want you so bad my heart goes numb whenever you text me. my legs spread for you… daddy. whatever you want for me to do i’ll do. i cut my flesh for you. scars that won’t ever fade. do you love me when i’m like this baby? at your disposal. willing to do anything? or is it too much? i’m sorry i’ll hide out for a while. you won’t hear from me. i’ll make you think that i’ve moved on. then maybe in my absence you’ll think. love me more? and then you can become one of the men that stay in my messages as i fall madly in love with another man who won’t give me the time of day. i liked my time with you. you showed me just enough love for me to get attached and obsessed. ***** there is not a consecutive 5 minutes in the day where you don’t cross my mind. i hate it. and i love you. but i don’t love you. i love thé idea of you. the version of you i made to hold me at night. the version that kisses my cheek and tells me i’m beautiful without needing to undress. the version that can watch a movie with me. god forbid even maybe take me out on a date or make things official. text back? brags to his friends about how perfect i am. but that’s not you. and i’m not expecting you to be that man because it would be wrong of me to make you into perfection when you are just you. and still i’d love the version of you that inhibits your being with every single ounce of life force in me. id kiss every atom that makes you up. swaddle you in my arms. make sure you’d never walk through another day lonely. but alas you don’t want that. you don’t want me. you want sex from me sometimes. you make it feel like you’re doing me some kind of service when you do show up. you’re not god. not the all knowing. and if you’re trying to show me how detrimental desire is i’d love to show you how my desire of my blood flowing down my arms plays out. i know you don’t have any other women. or maybe you do. i know it’s your ex. christina? that name came to me but it fits so well. i bet you thought our initials could go together just like how you and hers did. i wonder how you felt when she cheated. manipulated you. i wonder how bad that hurt. i wonder if you’d use that pain to make me feel the same way. at least we are together in suffering. i wonder if we’ve had our last kiss. or maybe if it’s coming? maybe next time i get drunk i’ll text you in a rage saying how much i hate how you hate me or how you have my heart in your hands and instead of nurturing it you’re letting it spoil. you’re letting me spoil. the lack care makes me putrid, stale, something you don’t eat anymore. but you caused this! that’s the funny thing. the cat you loved is the cat that was perfect. i felt like it was worth being perfect for you. because you cared. now i feel like a neglected wife. always angry. resentful. thinking about how i could be with a good man who’d love me better. but no i can’t be because i’m enamored with the idea of you.

no man could ever turn my eye. yes i joke about how hot and sexy other men are. about how “yo estoy come un pérra en calor”. sex sex sex. yep. wrong. you are the one i can’t breath without. you occupy the deepest parts of my psyche. i don’t think i would want to exist if you didn’t come in and sweep me up that night. god that night. makes me weep just thinking about it. did you think on november 11th that you’d meet a girl who would be writing about you like this? who would cut herself, kill herself, hey maybe even hurt another just for you. the woman who begs and begs for you. no. probably not. but you found me. and you had me right where u wanted me. i bet you’d flinch at the fact that i only kissed you to get away from another. you were a replacement i’m sorry baby. you were someone to be with when another loveless man decided i wasn’t good enough. so i filled myself with you to make up for the pain. and believe me i filled myself to the brim. where’s the man who kissed me for two hours straight. talked with me for 6 hours? i bet you couldn’t even respond to one of my messages in 6 hours. bullshit. you’re a little bitch. i lead myself into delusion every day thinking one day you’ll come in and say you love me. that you’re nothing without my love. that i am essential to your life. but that won’t happen. that’s not you i’m afraid baby. i really wish you were the one though. now i think you’re a wasted body. only bad things come in 3’s.

can i even say that. the sex we had was phenomenal. i can’t even cum on my own the same anymore. it doesn’t feel the same. i sucked your dick. that in itself is insanity. do you know how i used to preach about how revolting that seemed. but i wanted to do it for you. i didn’t feel révoltes by the idea because it was you. it was always you. guess who’s name i scream when i’m all alone with mr wingbot. yours. your kisses, touch, hands, d-. you’re so perfect. that’s saying a lot from me because i’m very particular. I CAN EVEN LOOK PAST THE FACT THAT UR PETITE. because i care that much. but i don’t think you and i have the same definition of care. do you really care if i’m okay? do you really value me for things other than sex. i don’t know what you want from me at this point. id love for you to just be honest. i don’t want any sugar coated bs. i don’t want you to give me hope so i think maybe you’ll come in and love me. no. tell me i’m too much. tell me it’s me. that i’m not good enough and you hate me. then i can move on. i don’t want to move on. WHY CANT YOU BE BETTER. just be better for me. no. that’s not who you are. maybe one day you’ll see this. maybe you stalk me like i stalk you. or maybe i’ll show you when we’re dating just so i can see that all of this was for nothing. maybe i’ll print it and send it to your mother to show her just how great of a son she raised. cancer moon. ugh. it might be the gemini rising tbh. you’d think w a 8th house venus he’d be obsessed w me but i still need to look over his chart for the 37th time to see where i went wrong. capricorn venus. i need to do my research. if i take notes on how you love and like to be loved based on the stars in the sky. maybe then you’ll love me. i can teach you. i can be you’re dream girl and i’ll show you how to love me. all you have to do is be there **. just show up. id make you food. id kiss you whenever where ever. id be at your disposal 24/7. anything. id do it for you. you just need to show up.

for fucks sake i hate you. I WROTE AN ENTIRE CONCLUSION AND IT DELETED. i wouldn’t have to write until my arms were sore if you just loved me. have you ever thought about that babe? do you think about the harm you cause me. the marks you’ve left on me that will never ever leave me. did you know i sliced myself open for you 9 times on your 19th birthday in a heartbroken drunk rage. no. because you will never know how much you seeped into my heart. my soul!!! my soul *****!!! i just wish i didn’t have to say that i’m getting over you. that i’m moving on. that i’m in a healing era. you’re love could have been healing you know? but no. instead i get to wonder where i went wrong and ‘focus on myself’. i want to keep the focus on you. on us. I WANT YOU. i want you to want me enough to keep us afloat. i want you to run over and tell me how much i mean to you and how sorry you are. how you want to be mine and how i’m already yours. god i’m sick of this. in all hopes this isn’t a goodbye. my tarot readings said you’ll come back. delusion is I. for now just know i’m detached. but i did love you. you were loved *****. i don’t know what made my love unable for you to take in but i’m sorry. you should be more sorry. at least we had some time together? you got to rot my brain a bit while i was blind to it all. please don’t see me as some random college hookup. but as someone who you meant the world to. save a space for me in your soul miamor. maybe i’ll be able to take it someday. goodnight at 6:52

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evening-rose-309 · 1 year ago

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Oh comrade don't worry, I've arrived at my own conclusion that Fallout 4 is shit and ranted full tilt about it last night to my best bro in an actual honest G-d breakdown coming out of the infamous Far Harbor Hacking Sequence.

(—and other shit later under the cut—)

I wanted to ship the Capitalists together. That is basically the launch board of the crossover. The crux is the Moral Quandary™ of what a person is willing to do for peace, do you really want to mess with someone else's shit when you don't have to, can you say a person loves you when you're practically the only stable raft on their ocean, and "what if the Little Sisters are why we have Radiation Resistant People in Fallout".

I love OG Fallout. I met Zax and I swear he's baby. Literal pixels. Please give me the dirty laundry on the US Gov and Supermutants. I love fictional pseudo science. Let's play chess and be sad about abandonment issues and how we can't fuck Cabot.

The rest of my grievances with F4, punctuated by my Religious Trauma™:

The leveling is shite, the dialogue is shite, the ammo is shite, the weapons system is shite. We know this. This is bottom of the barrel bitching. I'm in uni for Game Design. I took that course. I know why and how, precisely, this game fails to be anything of what it is.

I was trying to save the Atom brother in the Nucleus.

When you've been on the inside of a religious institution, graduated, and had your world view shattered afterwards, you are disgusted at what you are, what has been done to you, what has been done to other people, the perversions of what once was a noble cause and so forth. You become sceptical, you become hateful. I genuinely cannot interact with a Palestine post outside of simple reblogs because the inside of my mind is so rotted by the knowledge of the political machinations facilitated by another country's genocide and victimization by bodies in my own house, so to speak, that I fear that if I twitch my fingers an inch more, I might say something I don't mean and hurt people who have already been hurt.

There is a fine line between a religion and a cult—and sometimes that line ceases to exist.

So I walk into the Children of Atom. Not all of them are hateful, not all of them are crude. I had to fight myself for the sake of my Sole Survivor's personal story and background not to immediately go for the nuke. My Courier would, because he's settled on a 'bigger picture' belief. Legion. Caesar. The informed decision making of a lifetime in the wasteland and the political position of co-statehead. But my Sole is just a mourning widower grappling with her own self identity, informed by a background as morally grey as you can be. That's why she doesn't tell Far Harbor about Avery. Why Kasumi is in the dark. Why Nick disapproves of half the things that comes out of her mouth.

When the game let's you have that control, that is.

F4 is not a Fallout game. It is a Fallout game on the surface, barest minimum of what a Fallout lookalike might be. Supermutants. Ghouls. Weird guns. Choices.

The Choices you make don't exist.

Coming from Vegas, the concept of all your success in dialogue hinging on one stat is torturous. My Courier started with a Char stat of 4 and got a Speech 100 by lvl 20, give or take. He's high in Medicine, Science, Sneak. He had a Strength of 1 at the start. Agility and Endurance, in contrast, were quite high for his worth. Intelligence was a must. Perception. He has Abysmal Luck. All of that contributed to how I played him in the waste. I built him based on who he was as a person. I built him to grow into a different person by the end of the saga. He is the most precious thing to me. New Vegas came at the end of a dark tunnel and was my light in the darkest corners that popped up after.

I have to build my Sole Survivor based on if I want her to be able to save people in a speech check.

To be able to attain the basic mechanic of what makes an RPG, your character needs to have high Char. That's what passes your speech checks. That's what let's you roleplay to your fullest extent, and even then, it's not guaranteed.

I understand wanting to go for realism, but if you wanted realism, then every bullet should permanently kill every character regardless if they're named or not.

I want to save the Brother of Atom. I want to save the poor man who thinks starvation and self torture are the realest way to worship his g-d. I want to save him from the evil that poisons his faith, who refuses to even acknowledge how his perversions have caused multiple deaths, multiple sufferings, multiple dooms to come. I want to be able to have my character act on the crawling feeling that permeates her flesh whenever one of then Children say the end of her life was righteous. Who say the deaths of her loved ones, her husband's loved ones, her friends and neighbors, was something wholly deserved, recompense for the sins of those beyond her. Who say the deaths of innocents are a greater good.

I want her to be able to live. I want her to be able to carry my rage. I want to see and feel the catharsis of this fictional justice be served and carried out. I want to play an RPG that actually delivers on its premise.

I want to save the Brother. I want to save his friend the heartache of losing someone to a rotted faith.

I want to have fun with my game.

the fallout limited series makes me so nervous bestie.

it’s based off of fallout 4, or at least “in the commonwealth” so it’s going to mediocre as hell.

but ghoul fucker in me wants walton goggins 👀

I don't even know what you're talking about bestie and I'm too scared to know to be honest

I actually just got fallout 4 (a gift from the same bro who gave me Vegas, bless him) and am currently working on an extended crossover universe with bioshock and shit's wild

Power to the Ghoul Fuckers ! I'll have you know I'm restructuring my entire Fallout 1 playthrough just so I can meet Set from your influence—because he died the first time due to mutants, shit's out there, we'll be trying !

Frankly, I'll be happy if they keep it East Coast. Let Mojave, Vegas, Jacobstown and everybody up in California too have their peace. I can tell for a fact nobody's touching Arizona and the Legion territory any time soon, at least with the respect and nuance they deserve

#fallout #rambling reply #it is so incoherent #much less insane than what it was last night #but for real

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tierneysodegaard · 3 years ago

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Paradise - Pierre Gasly x Reader

Pierre Gasly x female!reader

Requested? Yes/No

Anon: hi my love, been loving all your content this past week! could I request something with max or pierre (if you are still writing for him)? I was thinking that a story based on the song “paradise” by chase atlantic could be so cool. it gives me such F1 driver falling in love vibes sometimes. ty <3

Word Count: 1.9K

Warnings: Fluff, sexual innuendos, swearing, mentions of religion (Heaven)

AN: I chose Pierre, I hope that’s okay :)

—

It feels like Heaven on the inside.

She’s calling my name and oh it sounds nice.

Pierre had always been your shadow, watching over you to keep you safe. The pair of you had been friends since you were children, friends and nothing more. That was until Pierre started to see you in a different light. His longing gazes of friendship soon turned to lust. The way you’d call his name in the paddocks made his mind run wild. He wanted to hear you moan his name rather than call it out in a friendly manner.

He adored the way you’d dance, whether it was in a club surrounded by men who didn’t deserve you or in the moonlight of his living room as you twirled around in his shirts. His eyes would glue themselves to every single inch of your skin, wishing he could have his rough hands gripping on your thighs as you straddled him.

Those lustful thoughts slowly turned to loving thoughts. You and him had gone to a club after the race, Charles tagged along too. His jaw clenched at the way Charles grabbed your waist as you danced together. It wasn’t just lust anymore. He battled with the way you made you feel when you kissed his helmet before every race, praying he’d come back safely.

I think I’m falling in love with all these big signs.

He tried to push it to the back of his mind, every single thought that came to him was always about you. Pierre had a reputation in the grid, he was always the guy with a new girl every week. The one that would take a girl home and then kick her out before the sun could rise but with you it was so different. The thought of you with another guy made his blood boil.

He always hated the way you got yourself caught up with the wrong men. Your ex was a man Pierre would happily bury six feet underground. He always clenched his fists when the man wouldn’t let you drink what you pleased or when he commented on your outfit. Pierre couldn’t stand it, neither could Charles to be honest but the difference in their reactions really set the pair of them aside.

Charles told Pierre you could make your own decisions when it came to a partner and the only time the pair of them would ever get involved was if things got serious and you were in some sort of danger but Pierre didn’t like that. He tried to argue with Charles and make him see what he saw but it was no use, he told him to stay out of it. Pierre didn’t need wait too long for his wish anyway, you’d broken up with your ex a few weeks after his and Charles argument and Pierre was there to comfort you every step of the way. You called him in the middle of the night, on a Sunday to be specific. You were in tears and he came round to yours within minutes, his arms never letting you go as you cried into his chest.

Pierre was falling for you.

And she walks down.

I notice how she does it for real now.

It was that moment that Charles worked out Pierre’s little secret. He never told him that he knew, instead he wanted to help him in a subtle way without either of you knowing.

Everyone was in Monaco for the upcoming race. You were currently walking through the paddocks, trying to catch sight of Pierre after the race. You had already spoke to Charles, he was defeated after another loss at his home race. After a while you told him you were going to find Pierre, Charles told you he saw him head off towards the paddocks so that’s where you started. It never took long to find the Frenchman, he always had someone by his side although it was more Yuki than another woman.

“Pierre!” You called out to him, catching his attention immediately. His eyes softened as they met yours. He watched your smile grow as you walked over to him, your arms wide to pull him into a hug.

“I’ll catch up with you later.” Yuki quickly muttered before speeding off, leaving you and Pierre alone.

You pulled back from his gaze, Pierre’s hands were still lingering on your body as he looked deep into your eyes. He couldn’t help himself, the way your y/c/e eyes lit up every time you saw him. His grip meant your hands were resting on his chest and even you couldn’t deny how good he looked in his racing suit with his hair out of place because of the helmet.

“How are you feeling?” You asked but got no reply, he was too focussed on your features to even notice that you’d said anything. “Pierre? Christ are you lost or something?” You laughed catching his attention.

“What? No, no,” He let out a light laugh. “No I’m fine, and you?”

“Yeah of course I am.”

“How’s Charles?”

“He’s okay, just a little defeated.”

“That’s understandable.” He nodded, his eyes still on yours. “Hey umm, are you free tonight? I’m thinking if you were we could go on a little drive around Monaco then maybe go and bother Charles after, make him feel better. I know he likes to be alone for a while after these things and I know how you love a late night drive.”

He was right. The feeling of soft music coming from a car with the roof off or windows rolled down as you watched the lights of the outside world pass you felt like heaven.

“I’d love to.” You smiled.

And she talks loud.

She’s telling me what I want to hear now.

Is it real now?

“Perfect, I’ll meet you in the car park at nine? That’s when the sun starts to go down so we could go watch the sunset.”

“Who knew Pierre Gasly was such a charmer.” You teased him before stepping back and out of his grasp. “I’ll see you then.” You turned on your heel, walking back in the direction of Charles. Pierre had a small smile on his lips as he unlocked his phone and sent Charles a text, thanking him for not dragging you to the club straight after the race.

—

Pierre was leaning against his car, bouncing his leg as he checked his phone one last time as the clock hit nine. The sound of footsteps made his head snap up, you gave him a small smile as you walked towards him.

“You look stunning.” He took a deep breath as he took in your figure, his mind battling between the loving and lustful thoughts. Part of him wanted to rip every single item of clothing off your body and the other part of him wanted to carefully undress you, kissing every inch of your skin as he worshipped you like a Goddess.

Pierre moved to open the door to the passenger side of the car. “Thank you.” You smiled at him as he closed the door and sat in the drivers seat, starting up the engine before driving out of the hotel car park and onto the streets of Monaco.

Pierre set the roof down, playing music which brought a smile to your face. He glanced over at you occasionally to watch as your hair danced in the wind and the way you sung along to the songs in the car. He watched as your face lit up at the beautiful scenery around you. He wanted this to last a lifetime.

She calls me in the middle of a Sunday night.

I’m falling just a little baby, shit ain’t right.

Pierre pulled up to a small cliff edge where the two of you could watch the sun go down. He pulled up the handbrake before having a rush of confidence and letting his hand fall to your upper thigh. A smirk fell onto his lips when you didn’t move away.

“It’s like a painting, isn’t it?” You spoke, catching his attention.

“What is?”

“The sunset, it’s like an artist dumped all the colours onto a canvas and just blended them with a brush.” Pierre let out a low laugh at your words as he turned his head away from the sunset and looked at you. “What?” You met his gaze.

“Nothing, I just like the way you think.” He flickered back to it slightly before returning his eyes to you. “I like to think they’re made by everyone in heaven, all our friends and family watching down on us.”

“I like the way you think.” You smiled, leaning into his touch that was still lingering on your thigh. “It’s beautiful.” You looked back at the sunset but Pierre only looked at you.

“Yes it is, just like a piece of art.”

You hadn’t noticed his gaze on you as you spoke it was only when the smell of his expensive cologne flooded your senses indicating he’d gotten closer to you. You turned your head, slightly taken back by how close his face had gotten to yours.��

“Pierre…” Your voice was at his whisper as his hands cupped your cheeks.

“I love the way the sun makes your skin glow, I love the way you sing along to all those stupid songs and how your always sway back and forth to the beat…”

“Pierre…” You repeated, your eyes flickering down to his lips but that was all he needed to lean forward and do what he’d always wanted to do.

He leaned forward, connecting your lips to his. You didn’t pull away which only made Pierre pull you closer. His hand leaned down and took his seatbelt off before removing yours for you. Now his hands trailed down on to your waist, tugging on your skin as a hint. Pierre tugged on your lip, making you moan.

“Come here.” His words were dark yet carried a hint of love. You didn’t waste a second as you climbed onto his lap, straddling him as he latched his lips onto your neck. “So pretty…” He mumbled as he left light kisses on your neck, trailing up your jaw. His thumb darted across your bottom lip as he took in your flustered state. “I should have done that years ago…”

“Better late than never.” Your hands cupped his skin, feeling his rough beard on your fingertips.

He let out a small chuckle. “True but… it would have saved time… we could have been together by now.”

“I think we should make up for lost time.” You played with the collar of his shirt, teasing him as one of his hands trailed to the back of your thigh.

“You don’t need to tell me twice.” Pierre connected his lips back to yours.

He was in paradise.

#pierre gasly x reader #pierre gasly x you #pierre gasly x y/n #pierre gasly imagine #pierre gasly #f1 imagine #f1 x you #f1 x reader #f1 blurb #f1

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masterwords · 2 years ago

Note

That bingo card definitely is something... very fitting for your fics!

I know it's a classic at this point but honestly you can't ever go wrong with it — Hotch + childhood trauma, pretty please?

Summary: Hotch enlists his friends to help him spy on his dad with disastrous results. (Based on things said in 02x19 - Ashes & Dust)

Words: 4.4k

Pairings: None

Warnings: infidelity, religion (christianity), swearing, drinking, food, cancer

Bingo Square Filled: @badthingshappenbingo Childhood Trauma (marked bingo card under cut for post size!)

Read on AO3: how it feels to have a heartbeat

Send me an ask if you'd like to request one of the open spaces on my card! It can be found HERE or at the bottom of this post.

****

There was an inflatable pool that sat only a few feet away from a brick and river rock fire pit. Right in the middle of a sort of grassy but mostly dirt lawn. Aaron and Max were lying on the paltry grass beside the pool, their bare feet sore and blistered after a day spent picking fruit in the orchard that takes up the back few acres of Aaron's family property. It's not well-maintained anymore, sort of twisted together in places with dead trees scattered about but it feeds the town well in summer. They never have minded people wandering up and picking something for themselves. The orchard was planted by his grandfather years before his mother was born. He had money to burn, and he was known to be a little eccentric, so a hobby farm suited him just fine. First it was a goat and a donkey and a few apple trees at the edge of the property, and then it became rows of apple trees and another donkey. Then peaches and some pigs. Before long it was less of a hobby and more of a job. His grandmother hated it, and when he'd passed away, she let it all go. Now the house belonged to his parents, and they sprayed the trees but kept no other remnants of the hobby farm days.

Still, the town loves the fruit trees. Mrs. Hutchison likes to bake pies and she'll take a whole tree worth of apples, enough to spend days in her kitchen, and she always brings at least two pies by the Hotchner house in thanks. Sometimes three if her haul was particularly good. Aaron can eat an entire one by himself, and she makes sure he gets one. “Far too thin...” she'll tell him, shoving the pie at his chest. “Just put a fork in it and dig in.” He's never had a particularly powerful sweet tooth but he'd do just about anything for one of her pies.

That was how he got started picking the apples. One summer, she'd had some kind of a surgery and couldn't come get any so he took it upon himself. There were plenty of bee stings and scraped knuckles before he was satisfied, but he managed. And though the pies were late, she gave him one special when she was able to make them.

What people don't pick themselves, Aaron and Haley and Jessica would lazily pick and try to sell down at the farmer's market. Just kids, they weren't very thorough and instead of paying for a stand they just gave the organizers a box of whatever fruits and vegetables they'd like. Some sort of shabby bartering system, and while Jess and Haley thought it was really cool and old timey, Aaron knew his mother had practically donated the land they set the market up on to them so really...there wouldn't have been any argument if the kids just set up. Aaron liked to keep the extent of his money as quiet as he could. Especially from his friends.

All of the money they made was put into some high interest bank account Jessica set up for Sean...maybe for college or something after. Jessica loved that kid to the ends of the earth and when they couldn't agree on where to put the money (as if it was more than $20 a week), she made the decision for them. Aaron agreed after giving it some thought, and Haley really didn't care it turned out. She just had fun with them. She was glad to be included for once. In any case, Aaron knew he already had scholarships lined up and he knew for a fact there was a hefty trust fund in his name for when he turned 21. He wasn't so sure Sean got the same treatment, times had changed after he was born. They no longer lived in the land of plenty. They came from old money, but that well was running dry. And over the last few months, their father had started acting strange. Aaron was always vaguely concerned about the future, he couldn't help it, but these days it almost consumed his every thought. Sean was so little.

“Did you sign up for drama class?” Aaron asked, wiggling his toes in the icy water. He knew that Max had his meeting with their grade level counselor earlier that day to set his schedule for senior year. Max hadn't lived there long and needed a few extra credits in order to graduate...he'd be taking a few summer school classes to make them up later. Max sighed.

“Yeah. I still don't think I'll be any good. It's nice you want me in your class and all but I'm gonna stink.”

“Easy elective credits.”

They met out in the orchard. Max was the new kid in school right at the end of the year. He was working for Aaron's mom, spraying for bugs and pruning the trees for some extra money though Aaron wasn't sure his mom paid even remotely fairly. His long hair, dirty blonde, was pulled up on the top of his head in a messy knot and his face was filthy. Aaron's first thought was that he looked like Puck stepped right out of A Midsummer Night's Dream and into his orchard, but these were thoughts better kept off of his lips. That didn't seem like the type of thing anyone but Aaron would find remotely flattering. But the thing was...

He was also gorgeous. And Aaron temporarily lost the ability to speak when they first came face to face. “I'm not stealing!” he called, craning his entire body to the side to peer at Aaron through the gnarled trees. Aaron swallowed and nodded.

“No, I know...my mom sent me out here to check on you. See if you wanted some lunch. She's making apple butter sandwiches.”

Max wasted no time in picking back up his pruning shears. Like he was already bored of Aaron's presence. “Nah. I'm good. I been drinkin' outta the hose.”

That was it. Aaron decided he liked Max right then. Max who just didn't give a shit. He didn't meet many people like that. Between the kids in his classes and the people his parents had over, everyone gave an abundance of shits. About everything. Politics, grades, him and his life choices. Money. He was tired of it.

So he started walking to Max's place after finishing his homework, or his morning chores, or filing at his father's office. Max's family rented three lots at the trailer park down by the creek not far from Aaron's house. Just down the road, or if you were a 17 year old boy, you didn't mind wading through the creek and wandering through the field until you reached the orchard. They'd worn their own path that snaked between the trees over the last few months. That period of time when you meet someone new and you become sort of addicted to their presence in your life and feel dull and gray without them. Aaron wandered through that orchard more over the summer than he had in his entire life.

He'd never even set foot in the trailer park and he'd lived at its border for his entire existence. Max's dad moved them around a lot, his mother having left them when he was a baby because she didn't want to get married and they'd conceived out of wedlock. Max's dad was a traveling preacher, they would pitch up in a town that needed someone to fill in at just about any church until they found someone permanent and she'd wandered off into the mist leaving him with a screaming baby in his arms. That was the way Max always pictured it anyway. Reality was far less dramatic. She told his father right away that she would carry the baby to term and she loved them both very much but she simply wasn't ready for this and off she went. He never held it against her. It was God's will.

Max dreamed of things he would never experience. He talked about things like dragonfruit with stars in his eyes and if you closed your eyes and listened to him ramble on and on about Woodstock in '69 you might really believe he'd been there. He could sing every word to every song by The Mamas and Papas and The Beastie Boys and you would never know which one he preferred. He just loved...everything.

Aaron looked at him and knew he wasn't meant to be around forever. He remembered someone talking about James Dean once and saying live fast die young. You just got those feelings about people. They had no patience, didn't want to wait until they were 80 to see or do something they could grasp at 16. But he was so fucking present now that it didn't matter that much. Aaron could look into his own future, as hopeless as he felt some days, and see a suit and a tie and maybe even a family if he was having a good day. He worried over his future all the time. But he couldn't read Max.

Max was just...now. Max was not future and that saddened him deeply though he tried not to let it.

“I think my dad's cheating on my mom...” Aaron drawled, adjusting his hips against the crispy already overcooked grass and squinted into the blue sky. Fluffy clouds moved overhead and if he was with Sean right now, they might try to find shapes but Aaron was always lying...just making shit up...he'd lost the ability to see shapes. “It's a fluffy cloud, and look there is another...cloud...” Max could see them. Just ten minutes prior he'd said he'd seen people having sex. Aaron didn't bother to open his eyes for that one. It was either the truth but it was real people in a window (not clouds) or it was a lie and Max would make fun of him for wanting to look. Either way, he feigned disinterest.

“You just figuring this out? You really ain't no Sherlock Holmes...”

“No, I just...I've been thinking about it a while and I think I wanna see for myself.” He hoisted himself up on his elbows and turned his head toward Max, squinting into the harsh afternoon sunlight. “Would you come with me?”

“Where?”

“I dunno. Out. Following him I guess. He pretends like he's working, says he has all these client meetings, but he's lying...I do his filing, it's almost nothing right now. He doesn't have any active cases. So where's he going?”

Max sat upright and regarded Aaron more seriously than he ever had. Wisdom was about to spill out from between those perfect peach lips and Aaron wasn't sure he wanted to hear it. “And no matter what you find...you're okay with it? Cos here's the thing...I seen plenty of people my dad's had in his office cryin' over finding out something awful they weren't prepared for. Infidelity bein' the least troubling of the things, Aaron. You get me? All's I'm sayin' is that you think one thing but you might find out somethin' else and you gotta be ready for anything...”

Aaron huffed and folded his arms over his chest, curling around himself like there was a chill in the air suddenly. He couldn't imagine what he'd find out that could be worse than his father being in love with someone that wasn't his mom. It would be the ultimate sin from a man who did little else. “I don't care. I want to know.”

“What'll you do with the information once you have it?”

“I don't know Max. Confront him? Punch his lights out? Tell my mom? I don't fucking know I just...I need to know what he's doing.”

“Your mom's no dummy. If he's steppin' out on her, I guarantee she knows. But okay. I'm in.”

Aaron reached out and punched him square in the shoulder, rolling his eyes. He didn't appreciate the grilling when he knew damn well that Max was going to do it anyway. It was one of those things he might come to regret later, in fact he was sure of it, but he pushed it out of his mind right away. They were going to follow his dad in the morning and see what he was really up to. What else did they have to do with their long summer days? They needed something to keep them entertained.

He would regret every single one of those misguided thoughts.

The first blow to their plan came when they couldn't wrangle Haley or Jessica into their mission, at least not in the morning. Jessica was doing some summer school class credit so she could lead the Model UN group the next year...Haley had been both shocked and appalled that Jessica even wanted to do that, let alone be so motivated to ruin her summer over it. She had a few history and geography things to nail down before she could rule that club with an iron fist. She'd also toyed with running for student office...just for shits and giggles. A campaign would give her something to do. Posters to make and speeches to write. “Vote Brooks for Less Books” was her working slogan...Haley called her sister a moron. “You're the smartest kid in your entire class and you act like such an airhead.” Jessica only smiled at that. So, she was out, but her afternoon was free and she was very interested in helping them sleuth around town even if she was more than a little worried about how Aaron would handle any of the possible outcomes. She already had feelings about what they'd find and it wasn't at all what Aaron was suspicious of. She'd been keeping some secrets over the last few months.

Haley flat out said no. “I won't spy on your father no matter how gross he's being.” She also had a date with her boyfriend Adam and the public pool. She was positively booked up. “Be careful though, okay? Don't get hurt.”

Following the senior Hotchner around town turned out to be relatively easy. He wasn't hiding. What was worse, the longer the day dragged on, the more apparent it was that a mistress wasn't what he was hiding. It was something far more sinister, and Max's words rang painfully in Aaron's ears as he watched his father stride out into the afternoon sunlight and into his vehicle. The sign on the building had a few names on it, gold lettering against black iron. Reading it sent chills up Aaron's spine.

The building was a small ramshackle office building that housed a tax lawyer, a small dentist's office and an oncologist. Aaron knew without having to ask which office his father was coming from. By the looks of it, and the way he stepped back a little to give Aaron some space, Max did too. The moment was volatile and felt nearly endless until finally Aaron stepped back and began walking quickly the direction his father's car had gone in. He was only a few blocks away at a stop light. Aaron was fast, he could catch him if he wanted to. Pound on that passenger window, bang his fists and rage at him. If he wanted to.

“No, Aaron, don't!”

“He's DYING and he didn't even TELL US.”

His rage was palpable, and Max reached out to stop him, to tug at the back of his sweat soakded t-shirt. He might have ripped it if he hadn't let it go. “Aaron, now isn't the time! Please come back!”

Aaron did finally stop when his father's car disappeared down some side street, and then he just stood there like a statue. Lost in shred of time. Flickering in and out of consciousness. He thought he might pass out, or run away. Either one was a viable option and not much existed in between. “Come on, let's go back to my place. It's too fuckin' hot, we can get in the creek and I think I got some hot dogs in my fridge...we can find some good sticks and roast 'em.”

“I'm not eating meat right now,” Jessica said, appearing out of nowhere. Like she always did.

Max laughed. “Protest?”

Jessica shrugged. “Sure.” She was forever trying new things, eager to figure herself out now before any of it really mattered. Going meatless during the school year had been hard, she liked the school meatloaf days, but in summer it was easier. She could test it out. Giving up hot dogs was easy. “So what's the scoop? Any dirty little secrets unearthed?”

All the color drained from Max's face and he shot her a glare that told her to shut the fuck up immediately. “What?” she asked, furrowing her brow. Subtlety was not in her wheelhouse. The sun caught her curly lion's mane at just the right angle and nearly blinded Max with its brightness. Couldn't be a halo, this chick was no angel. They'd been skinny dipping at their favorite little watering hole enough times to know that. She was the only girl in their grade with a tattoo.

“We can talk at my place, not here. Come on.”

Her demeanor remained that same incredulous half-smiling sarcastic way she always had, and then when the soft slump of Aaron's shoulders and his silence finally struck her she changed immediately. Everything about her softened and she approached him, placing one hand on his forearm gently and looking up at him. “Aaron?”

“There isn't another woman. He's sick, Jess. Really sick...”

“Oh...oh Aaron...”

They didn't speak for the entire walk back to Max's place. It wasn't a slow walk, they sort of fell in line with whatever pace Aaron chose. He was leading them, like always. He was a natural leader, even if he lacked the confidence sometimes to believe it. When they got back, Aaron kicked out of his sneakers and walked into the water without a word. He could think better with the rush of the creek against his knees. It was ice cold, so cold his skin burned. It was like his body shut down, all sensory input stopped and it was just his mind left running the show.

“Is he okay?” Jess asked, and Max shrugged helplessly. She didn't think she'd ever seen him so helpless and yeah...they hadn't known eachother long but she knew him. She knew him very well. He always had something smart to say. He was the only kid she knew who had spent time in Morocco, Uganda, Venezuela...you name it, he'd been there. When his father wasn't finding jobs at needy churches he was volunteering his family for mission trips that required a lot of shots and a lot of language lessons in order to undertake. Max knew things.

“I was gonna ask you the same thing.”

“Well...that's bad...” she said quietly, until she finally couldn't take it anymore and kicked her own shoes off with a little puffing sound. If he wasn't going to talk and he wasn't going to send her any telepathic messages, she'd have to just go stand next to him and hope for the best. Max followed her lead, as he so often did. Jess could probably get him to go anywhere or do anything. He was infatuated with her absurdity and never wanted to miss a single minute of the insanity that flew out of her mouth. If that meant wandering out into the ice cold creek so be it.

“Aaron...” she said as they flanked him, pressed in on him from both sides. “Talk to us.”

“Nothing to say.” He said it so quietly it almost got lost on the rush of the current. Stolen by the crickets coming out to let them know that day was fading. Soon the symphony of frogs would begin from somewhere up in the woods that butted up to Aaron's house on the other side, they could traipse through the creek and eventually find where the chorus began. Converge on their frog friends and sing along. “I don't even care.”

“Looks like you care an awful lot...” Jess said softly and it was immediately the wrong thing. He turned to her with that desperate look on his face and sparks ignited in his honey eyes. “I'm sorry. That's not...I just meant that I'm here for you. You know...if you do care.”

“Thanks.” That was it. He didn't need to be told she was there, she never left his side. She was always finding ways to be in his space. Babysitting Sean was her newest venture. She got paid to babysit Sean but she probably thought she was babysitting him too. And that thought struck a chord. “Jess...did you know?”

She pursed her lips and shifted her feet on the stones, trying to find a comfortable place to stand with bare feet on jagged slippery rocks. This was a question she didn't want to answer. The problem was that there was no straight answer. He'd left a pill bottle on the kitchen counter a few nights back when she was watching Sean. Anti-nausea medication was all it was, nothing damning, but even to her that seemed strange. She'd ignored it and continued making the little tinfoil JiffyPop popcorn for Sean and forced the concern out of her mind. Aaron's father didn't want her sympathy and neither would Aaron. Anti-nausea medication could be for anything, but she'd watched three of her four grandparents wither away under cancer's attack and somehow in all the places that mattered she knew. “Jess?”

She slipped her hand inside of his and squeezed. “I'm sorry Aaron.”

“Don't be. He's an asshole.”

The words were at war with his demeanor and all at once his knees were giving out while he tried to drag himself back to the shore, just far enough that he could collapse there in the rocky mud and hug the earth to him. “He's an asshole.” His voice was less sure this time. Timid, afraid, small. He stayed hunched there for minutes while Jess and Max stood back, afraid to approach. He'd become a wounded animal. Just as likely to bite as he was to let you near.

It was Max that dared move first. Jess knew she was swimming in the putrid sea of betrayal, drowning there. He would see reason soon enough but that was a feeling for later, much later, and she knew better than to press him. You couldn't force Aaron Hotchner to do anything he didn't want to do. She whispered to Max that she was going to go, she was on dinner duty tonight anyway...no hot dogs roasted on an open spit for her. Probably sloppy joes or hamburger helper, her mom was no gourmet and she didn't keep much in the way of good ingredients on hand. And yeah, she was a shitty vegetarian. Check that one off the list.

Max walked past Aaron, dragging one hand along his back, fingers playing against the ridges of Aaron's spine. And then he was gone, whipping his pocket knife out to cut a few green twigs off of nearby bushes and skinning them while Aaron cried into the bank of their endless stream. At least Max hoped he was crying. If it wasn't crying, he didn't have a clue what it could be. Shoulders shaking, gasping breath, his back hunching and muscles coiled. Whatever it was, Aaron didn't want an audience.

While Aaron sat there, curled around himself, lost deep inside somewhere no one could follow, Max set to fixing their broken fire pit. It would break again when too many beers meant drunk teenagers kicking rocks in with exuberance. For now, he just needed it to hug the fire tight so he pressed the renegade rocks back into place until they stuck.

The smell of hot dogs, the cheap and salty red ones sold at the butcher's shop, was intoxicating. There was a sound, that crackle and pop of thin skin heated to its absolute limit and then the sizzle of grease jumping into the fire. That grabbed Aaron's attention and pulled him toward Max until he was sitting in the dirt against Max's leg, his cheek resting wearily against Max's thigh.

“I hate him.”

“I know.”

“I mean it. I hate him. I know he cheats on my mom...and what he does to us...he deserves it. But why...” he couldn't even finish it. Why do I care? Why am I so damn upset? Why can't I breathe? Max knew all of these things, and he reached down deep into the well his father had filled with wisdom far beyond his years. Reached into the well that the world had left in his belly and found exactly the right words.

“Because he's your father. Your parents bring you into the world, and they're sort of like your tether...as long as they're kicking around...kicking you around...you're not really ever gonna be alone. Then they take off, go to meet Saint Peter and you really know what it is to be alone. You know? They're up there in heaven or they're frying in the lake of fire but they're not here. No one will ever know you like they do.”

Aaron sniffled, and finally let out the tears that had been burning just beneath the surface disguised as anger and panic. “Even if they're shitheads, Aaron. You're allowed to be upset that he's sick, and you're allowed to hate him anyway.”

“Why does everything have to be so complicated?”

At that, Max laughed and patted him on the shoulder with one hand. Aaron turned his head and saw a stick waiting for him to grab with a perfectly roasted and flaming hot dog hanging dangerously off of the end. One wrong move and that sausage was going into the fire. He brought the flaming meat closer and blew it out, closed his eyes and sighed. The sigh came with more tears and no more words.

“That's not complicated. Just lips and assholes stuffed into some stomach lining, man. Ain't nothing complicated about that.”

#aaron hotchner #jessica brooks #original male character #criminal minds #teen hotch #bad things happen bingo #masterwords does bad things bingo

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