#she isnt me but elle kind of is

[corneille-moisie]

is it because english is waaay less gendered than french that i consider she and he as less very, very gendered than elle and il ?

[velvetring08]

Adaptation of my dark vanessa pt2.

Soooo, for Vanessa, I’ve often seen her fancast as Elle Fanning in Ginger & Rosa, where she has red hair and was just 14 years old at the time of filming, so she looks really young there with her baby face.

And I think she would’ve been so perfect if it wasn’t for the fact that she is so pretty. It’s just that Vanessa she is an ordinary, plain teenage girl, she’s not really beautiful, though with makeup, she could look pretty.

And she even says that at 22 she still looks like she is 15, which is like disturbing cause this is probably why ephebophile Strane was still able to (barely) get it up for her.

Another popular fancast is Sadie Sink in All Too Well (Taylor Swift’s short film), where she plays a redheaded girl in a relationship with an older man, so of course I get why this one is popular, but in reality Vanessa probably looked more like Sadie’s character Max in season 2 of Stranger things cause Sadie was 14 when she was playing that role.

And this is what she looked like in 2017 when she was 15.

Like thats literally Vanessa, you cannot convince me otherwize.

And i think i need to clarify that im talking about how characters look like and what i imagine them to be, not who would probably play Vanessa if there really would be an adaptation, cause both Sadie and Elle are in their twenties now and if they want to really show how fucked up this whole relationship is in reality, they need an actress who looks 15 with the baby face.

And i know Sadie isnt plain in any means, its just that shes also natural redhead with the feckles on her face something that Vanessa also has.

So im more inclined towards her.

And also another thing about Vanessa that a lot of people tend to get wrong is that she’s not skinny. Like how I said in my previous post about Strane’s casting, my shock when I found out he weighs 127 kg, the same thing happened with Vanessa—I was surprised to learn she weighs 65 kg, like I’m 5’5” and weigh 53 kg, but I wouldn’t consider myself skinny because I have a fat stomach. So, I imagined the whole book thinking Vanessa is this skinny redhead, but she weighs more than me.

And I estimated her height cause she mentions a handful of times that her head barely reaches Stranes shoulder:

Strane is 6’4”, so with a height visualizer, I estimated that Vanessa is probably 5’3” or 5’4”:

Then, using a body visualizer, I looked up how a girl who’s 5’3”–5’4” and 145 pounds might look, and while I wouldn’t call her fat, she isn’t skinny. I think this is such a great detail because usually when we think of teenage girls who are being preyed upon we imagine them as skinny cause it relates to the whole you know them looking like children. And this kind of thinking is evident in this question that a reader asked KER on her tumblr:

Like she assumed that Vanessa is thin, maybe her trying to be as small as possible for Strane, but KER answered:

As she said “you either get it or you don't”, cause as someone who's been on the fuller side my whole life I understand that people have a harder time believing victims who are fat or plus size cause they think why would they go after you and not someone prettier meaning also skinnier. So I'm really glad that Vanessa is also on the fuller side because predators don't go after the prettiest one, they go after the weakest one. 

Another thing that i found about this on k.e.rs tumblr blog is that in her mood board for the book, she chose this picture of the girl in strawberry pajamas:

She could’ve chosen any picture of a usually skinny girl in strawberry pajamas for this detail, but she specifically chose one where the girl isn’t thin. So, this is what Vanessa would’ve looked like in her strawberry pajamas:

Cause otherwise, in the book Vanessa describes her figure only once, when she tries on the black nightgown that she wears for her first sleepover at Strane’s:

She could’ve easily been the body type that K.E.R. chose for her here.

The next thing that I’m going to mention about this topic might be a bit of a stretch, but KER for her post on tumblr used this random picture of a girl:

Her name is Tess McMillan, she's a model and influencer. Please tell me you see what I see, this girl looks so much like what Vanessa would've looked like or at least the Vanessa that K.E.R. imagined.

Cause If you look at the other pictures in the same post, they all directly relate to K.E.R.’s life and the book My Dark Vanessa. But this picture of Tess feels so random—it doesn’t seem like a coincidence. This girl could easily be what Vanessa would’ve looked like, with her accurate weight and body type.

So, if there’s ever an adaptation of My Dark Vanessa, I hope they go after someone like her because it would be so much more faithful to the book.

[sevi007]

Garnered a free day so I managed to play some more FF8, and I just got to fly Balamb garden around and -

So. So so. Guys I have met Ellone - no, not sweet baby Ellone, but adult Ellone! And it’s not the first time we have seen her, I know that face from saving her from a bunch of monsters!

There’s actually a lot more that I could and probably should talk about, but Ellone’s appearance, the way she talks to Squall, and his subsequent flashback to himself as a kid has made my mental gears start turning, and so I’m now off to theorize:

(And I would like to point out, things like “close”, “you’re way off” or “getting there” are all welcome, but please try to avoid any spoilers yet, since I’m playing this for the first time. Thank you!)

Sooooo. Based on what I know so far, I’m gonna go ahead and say -

“Uncle” Laguna and Raine were like adoptive parents to Ellone. Ellone loving Laguna is, based on that, completely normal. But, and here starts the theorizing - the fact that she wants Squall to live through Laguna’s memories - especially Squall, because while the other party members have differed and sometimes been Kiros or Ward, it was always Squall who ended up in Laguna’s body - for me, that means there’s something important going on between Ellone and Squall, and LAguna and Squall. Ellone wants him to witness something. Or remember something? Both? 

So based on that, I’m gonna go ahead and say Laguna is Squall’s Dad. And since he helped raise Ellone, that would make Ellone kind of Squall’s sister - thus the trust. And as for Squall’s Mum? Well I would be my entire playthrough on the fact that it’s Raine! Okay,  At the last time I left them, Laguna and Raine weren’t a couple then - yet! I’m fairly sure they became one, and Squall’s their kid.

I think this would also fit from the timeline, since it was approximatley 17 years ago that Laguna was in Winhill (based on the fact that he ended up in Shumi Village during that time while trying to save Ellone from the mountains close by, meaning he knew her then already), and I think Squall’s around that age.

That leaves the fact of - where the heck are Laguna and Raine in all this? Squall lived in an orphanage!

So from the flashbacks, it’s probably save to say that Laguna went to travel the world and write about it. Kiros proposed that to him in the last flashback. He was hesistant, yes, but I mean it was his dream to become a journalist, and I will bet that Raine would have kicked his ass if he didn’t go and follow his dream (I imagine her to be a tough cookie!) I would bet Laguna’s out and about writing stories. Maybe those Timber Magazines which we can collect?

As for Raine... well I just WAS in Winhill (of the present) and it seems to be hinted that there’s a ghost... so, sadly, it looks like Raine is dead. (I’m actually boomed about this, and I only knew her for like, five minutes)

So that puts Laguna on a worldtrip (I assume he didn’t know that Raine was pregnant, else not even a hundred chocobos could have moved him from her side) and Raine, well, dead. Which made Ellone and Squall orphans - which explains the orphanage!

And going from baby Squall’s flashback (”Ell, I will do everything alone!”) I think it’s save to say that Ellone, as the older, and the one who was hunted for her abilities, left Squall behind in the orphanage for his protection. Which explains why he was alone - maybe also explains why he can’t remember her? Though that’s a stretch. Either he forgot about her because he was too young, or because of trauma of being left behind or.... I don’t know, spontaneous memory loss! Magic! Ellone messed with her time abilities! Or he got hit on the head. I don’t know, okay, on this part I’m still wonky! XD

Soooo. Squall, Laguna, Ell and Raine are family.

How close am I? =D 50 %?

(Also if that isnt’ clear yet, I adore this family. If they are one. They  will always be one in my heart at least!)

[wtf-tfw]

DCOTR WHO EPSIODE 17 FROM SEASON 10 DOCTOR T=TEN LEAKED (leaked??) "THE HAMMURABBIT CODE"

"well here we are tootdle pip girlie"

"ancient mesopotamia my jolly ass always did want to come here i do say mate"

"well run along now. go see the hammurabit code."

"BLIMEY HELL ITS ALIENS!!! THE HAMMURABI CODE ITS ALIENS!!!"

"ITS NOT SUPPOSED TO BE ALINES!!??!??!?!?!?"

"DOCTOR HELP, HE'S FLATLINING"

"I'm not the kind of doctor *lipbites*" "DOCTOR MY SON"

"wHAT KIND OF A DOCTOR ARE YOU"

*laser cannon blast off*

"I'm teh Doctor, baby *some french bullshit*" *farts out the window and sews it shut with a lazer*

"Fucking can't forget about ROSE" "DON'T YA LOVE MEH. I'M SUCH A FOOL TO THINK YOU'D NOTICE ME HORTON"

*eats a shank of lamb*

FUCK HERE COMES ANOTHER CHINESE EARTHQUAKE FIFTEN MORE DALEKS. ITS LIKE ITS THE LSAT FIFTEEN ON EARTH ALIVE IN THIS EPISODE ISNT THAT CRAZY.

"SEND HELP. RUN AWAY SHAMALA, NEVER COME BACK. JUST RUN. DON'T COME BACK FOR ME. THIS IS MY RESPONSIVILIRY NOW. I'M THE LAST OF THE TIME LORDS *DOESNT CRY* I'M REALLY THE LAST ONE OKAY"

"Does it hurt being lonely out there. you dont have to be alone you know" "JUST GO" *PUSHES U OUT OF THE WAY INTO THE BOX*

"DOESNT ENTER THE BOX!!!!!"

"NO NO N ON OOOOO!!! I HAVE TO GO BACK FOR HIM. I HAVE TO SHAVE THEM ALL. MUM MUM MUM YOU HAVE TO LET ME GO. I LOVE YOU BUT HES SO COOL HES SO MUCH COOLER ITS NOT FAIR!!!!! MEOW *starts shrinking*"

"obsessively rips her hair out"

"THATS RIGHT. JUTS YOU AND ME NOW. WE GONNA DULE OR WHAT."

"I WILL EXERMINATE YOU SILLY ASS. BLAST BLAST BLAST."

"AND he Died oh no!!!!!!!!"

"and she comes back in but she sees hes not there and his coat is still spininng on the floor and so are his gay ass littel reading glasses" "FUUUUUUUUUUCK *BECOMES JUST SO ANGRY AND REVEALES HER SECRET PLAN she figured out just in time to blast them alll using a n old microwave with plotrelevant ham made by her father inside*" "WE AR EEXPLODING. WE ARREE EXPLODING!!!!! AAAAAAA. WE ARE DEFININTELY THE LAST FIFTEN IN EXISTENCE. BUT ONE OF US IS CATCHING A CAB OUT OF HERE!!!!! AAAAA"

"I did it. we did it. oh god. oh no. DOCTAAAAAAHHHHHH*GRABS HIS STUPID COAT OFF THE GROUND* HE'S GONE. HE DID IT. BUT HES GONE. OH GOD OH FUCKING ELL. GOD FUCK OUUUU NOOO.

BUT HE COMES BACK FROM THE DEAD. "LOOK I'M HERE I'M ALIVE ACTUALLY *from across the room*"

'DOCTOR YORE ALIVE!?!?!?!?! BUT HOWWWWW YOU DIED I SAW YOU IUT WAS ALL FUCKING OVER!!!!!"

"Well you see i turned myself into this gay little pair of glasses at the last second. concentrated all my physical matter into a spinning gay little pair of glasses. and now i can never have children but it is the price i was willing to pay" OH DCOTA YOUR ALIVEEEEEE

"JOLLY GOOD BACK IN THE BOX WE GO *MOTHER IS SOBBIBG NOBODY CARES*"

"JOLLY GOOD"

"TOOTLY PIP!!!!" *and away thaey go!!!!!!*

[bradshawburner]

Elle, I’m so sorry I was late but I’m here now! I made it! AND I KNEW IT WAS GOING TO HURT BUT EVEN SO I WAS UNPREPARED😭😭 I’m so tender. This was heartbreaking and lovely.

This tore my heart out in the best and worst of ways. Getting to go through those moments we know that happened, but being dipped into the emotions of them? Big OOF.

All the feels and thoughts for you beneath the cut.

Bradley wakes up to his alarm clock blaring in his ear, feeling like he’s going to throw up, which is weird for him. // Eighteen-year-olds have stomachs of steel, his mom jokes when she’s having a good day.— god I’m already bracing for the punch to the gut I’m expecting. Just me waiting for that shoe to drop…

The nausea goes away in a few minutes, but his gut still feels twisted. He brushes his teeth and decides the likely culprit is the new recipe Mav attempted for dinner last night.— oh oh oh, this 🥺 I’m so soft over this. Mav coming to take care of them. Pls my heart

He doesn’t care what Slider says; it’s looking good, much thicker than when he started growing it in April.— oh bless, I just know it looks terrible in that way that all teen boys are like FACIAL HAIR= MAN NOW BEHOLD ITS GLORY. But tbh I’d still probs be crushing even if it looks as terrible as I imagine it to be.

His father’s official Lieutenant-JG portrait stares back at him. Unanswering as he fixes his hair.— well fuck me, him giving Goose the rundown was NOT on my bingo card and now I’m entirely too tender. NOT HIM TELLING HIS DEAD DAD THAT HIS MOM ISNT WELL EITHER I CANT

“I hope she can make it to Christmas. I almost have enough money saved up to buy her that pair of earrings that look like the ones Princess Diana had at her wedding.”— THE SWEETEST BOY MY HEART

“Wish me luck, Goose. It’s gonna be a big year.”- 😭😭😭😭😭 I’m not ok

She’s hardly had the strength to use the bathroom by herself in the last six months, but this morning, she’s standing at the stove, singing along to the radio, and making his favorite breakfast.— a wreck I’m a wreck and we know what’s coming and I’m still a wreck

He’s not sure how many good days she has left, so he tries his best to behave and make her life easier//He was denied before he could even finish the suggestion, but he just wants her to get better more than anything in the world. — it’s the burden that’s not a burden, that he’s forced to grow up quicker and take on these things and give up that last bit of his youth because he wants to be the support system. He wants to take care of her because he’ll trade all of that if she can just get better 😭

After Mom got sick, Ice and Viper pulled some strings to get him assigned to a shore-duty desk job. Bradley knows he hates it. — the LOVE in this gesture, the sacrifice.

(Side note: I’m not even 1k in yet and I’m already too delicate, my heart is aching, I can feel the prickle in my eyes, and I just want to give him a hug)

His mom is humming at the stove for the first time in a long time, somehow more in tune than she’s ever been. He wants to make a joke about how the treatments must have fixed her tone-deafness, but it would just make everyone sad. A reminder that it’s the only thing her treatment has fixed.— the dark humor of it all. The coping kind. The kind that would be funny if the reason why wasn’t so bleak.

“You look pretty, mom.”- 🥲 (I’m ok, I’m not ok)

“I’m sorry. If you put them in the fridge, I can eat them for dinner.”/“It’s a special day; we’re going to have something special for dinner! Something that Mav won’t be making.” The teasing smile she sends to the table makes the knot in his stomach unwind some. It makes him feel good enough to take a small bite.— the foreshadowing here, THE FORESHADOWING. I can feel it and I desperately want to be wrong. I’ve got the same feeling in my stomach that Bradley does.

She hasn’t had a good day in forever, and he doesn’t want to miss it. Who knows when the next one will come. If there will even be another good day. He wants to spend time with his mom while she knows what’s happening.— HE JUST WANTS HIS MOM 😭 that poor boy already misses his mom. He knows he knows he knows he knows

She’s going. She��s going, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.- 😭😭😭

Just like every year since kindergarten, they squish together on the porch, his mom wrapping her arm around his waist. He thinks about how she used to have to squat down so their heads were together. Now, she’d have to go on her tiptoes, and he’d have to crouch down for that to happen.- having my own Barbie movie montage here

“I know, honey. I know. It’s okay.” She tries to soothe her baby, who isn’t a baby anymore. He’s a full-grown man who is so much smarter and wiser than any 18-year-old should ever be. He’s been through so much more than any kid should ever have to go through. She feels bad about how quickly he’s had to grow up. “Everything is gonna be okay.”— oh and that she knows it and feels to too. God I’m crying now. That she want to give him one more day of normal, they’ve 12 years of first day of school photos, there’s a routine. That everything else is out of her control but she can give him this 😭

But he holds back his tears because he doesn’t want her to cry when she’s having a good day. — it’s ok bb, I’m crying enough tears for the both of us

Being an aviator means he’ll be just like his father. And Mav. And Ice. And Slider. And all of his other uncles from the class of '86.— his TOPGUN fam 🥹🥺

Instead, he’s on edge the entire day. Waiting to get called to the nurse’s office. They all had agreed as a family - Bradley, Carole, Mav, and Ice - that if she passed when he was at school, they would have the front office call him down to the nurse’s office. Ice would pick him up, Mav likely busy dealing with the doctors and the funeral home and everything.— that there’s a game plan is breaking my heart. That boy is so strung up in knots, every minute must feel like an hour. And how can he listen and learn over the sound of his pulse in his ears?

He’d even taken him on motorcycle rides, but they agreed not to tell Mom about that.- I love Mav!Dad moments, and thinking about what they’re bond must have been like before Everything™️

For the first time in years, Bradley actually makes a wish.//Please don’t let my mom die. I need her.— ELLE HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO READ IF I CANT SEE THE WORDS BECAUSE OF MY BLURRY TEARY EYES?? Ma’am did you think about that?!! (🤍)

(There it is, the shoes dropped)

by the time his uncles reach him - their feet pounding on the pavement - he’s just sobbing and dry heaving into the grass.— my heart my heart my heart, this poor boy thinking the worse, waiting for the shoe to drop all day, the anxiety spiral. Because he knows it’s coming, it’s going to happen, and no matter how prepared he can be he’s never ever going to be prepared for it.

“Breathe, Bradley. You gotta breathe, buddy.” He can’t tell which one is talking; blood is rushing in his ears, and he just keeps crying.— me trying to take this advice too because the tears won’t stop. But also, these moments with his FAMILY. That there was so much between him and these men, and the after of it all just makes me tender.

Mav watches as his best friends gently nudge his godson forward. His heart feels like it’s splitting in two as tears start streaming down Bradley’s face.//This time, there’s only a young man who’s now taller than him. He stands in the doorway with red eyes and a mustache that makes him look so much like Goose.— the then and now of it, and I just ACHE AND ACHE AND ACHE for all of them.

And she made me promise I’ll never let you fly.//Mav doesn’t add that final promise to the list; it’s not the right time for that conversation. He’s not sure it’ll ever be the right time.— the moment that break Bradley’s heart, the betrayal from the man he loves and looks up to the most. The thing that makes him parentless three times over.

“I’m not going to be here, but I can’t stand the thought of the same thing happening to Bradley. I won’t let that happen to my baby. So, you have to promise me, Pete. Promise me you won’t let him fly.”— no words for the Carole/Mav POV just tidal waves of emotions

It’s her request, but he was going to be the reason Bradley’s dreams were crushed.— god the GUILTY and the loyalty behind the actions, but that he shields Bradley from this, that he will take the anger to spare him from having negative thoughts about his mom. Ouch

He wonders if Slider would loan him some money so he can get those earrings. She won’t be able to appreciate them, but he still wants her to have them. It’s the last thing he’ll be able to do for her. They’ll go nice with her blue dress, he thinks. He sits there and thinks. He’s there the whole time.— still weeping over here, just endless tears

(And those pancakes are still in the fridge 🥺)

He’s there three days later, shyly asking the funeral director if it would be too much trouble to change his mom’s earrings. When he asked Uncle Ron about the money, he put them both in the car, drove to the mall, and paid for the earrings without question. — because he’s still a baby, he can’t even legally drink or rent a car and he hasn’t even taken the SAT yet, but he’s the one having to ask (and shyly asking because he’s just a baby). And that he got her the earrings, just not the way he wanted to give them to her 😭😭

“I’m not perfect, Bradley. I just care about your feelings.” “You’re perfect for me.” He kisses her before she can protest. “Thank you for caring about me.”// Her only ask is to tell her when he gets home safe if he needs space, letting him know that her house is always open if he doesn’t want to spend the night alone.— Bradley’s emotional needs being gently tended to makes me so, so soft. That he knows he’s not alone, that there’s a safe place for him to land 😭

“Holy shit… I’m going to marry her.” The breeze ruffles his hair, and he knows it’s his parents. “Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll make sure we’re married before I get her pregnant, unlike you two.”- 🥹🥲🥹

The day sneaks up on him the second year they’re together. They’ve been busy; between work, helping Jake with his surprise, and preparing to move in together, August went by in a blink. It leaves him with no time to mentally prepare.— 1) curious about this surprise and I hope it involves planting a whole garden for Flora, 2) the whiplash of living a happy life and loving where you’re at but then being reminded of those hard moments. Forgetting and then feeling guilty for forgetting.

His chest is so tight it hurts. He can’t believe he’s having a panic attack. He hasn’t had a full-on panic attack in years. There’s been anxiety, moments where he can’t easily catch his breath and his heart beating faster than it should, but nothing like this. — my poor sweetest boy. Because now he has someone he loves and loves in return, but he’s so used to having those people taken away from him 🥺

“Gonna touch you, that okay?” He nods, appreciative of how considerate she is, always thinking of him.- 🥹 but also 😭

They have nightmares. Less frequently now that they’re a few years down the road, but they still happen. Mav dreams that he doesn’t save them, that one of the bogeys gets them before Hangman reaches them. Bradley’s feature him missing the helicopter, having to watch Mav bleed out.— THE BOTH HAVE THE NIGHTMARES ABOUT EACH OTHER I CANNOT

“And I’m healthy. There’s no history of uterine or breast cancer in my family, and I just had my annual appointment last week. All the tests came back negative for bad things. Nothing is wrong. I'm totally healthy, okay?”— i love how quick she is to try and put him at ease, but that she comes with the facts is even better. Like the tangible things that she can give him to help stop the spiral.

Their relationship is so lovely, and tender. And now he has someone to lean on 🥹

I could feel how much love and care was put into writing this. And I’m so looking forward to the next part!

Bradley and Mary

straddling your partner's thighs

look at what you've done, anon. I've gone and written something ridiculously long.

send me a physical intimacy prompt for any of my Dagger, Sword & Shield couples!

your lap is my safe place - part i

pairing: Bradley “Rooster” Bradshaw x Mariella “M&M” Vertucci (fem!OC)

warnings: 18+ minors DNI, uterine cancer (discussions of a terminal illness and treatment), death due to cancer (established universe death), grief over losing a parent, funerals, panic attacks, vomiting, you don’t need to read Mar[r]y Me to read and understand this but you should anyway

word count: 7.1k

part ii - coming soon

note: originally, this was supposed to be a short, simple prompt answer - one part sad and one part smutty - but it's gotten extremely out of hand due to my inability to be brief. so this is part one (the sad part), and the smutty sequel will be coming (ha) sometime early next week. and when I say this part is sad, I mean sad. some of this is very much based on my experience with loved ones who have had cancer and/or were terminally ill. it was very therapeutic to write, even if I did cry a whole lot.

Tuesday, September 3, 2002 | 06:35 A.M.

Bradley wakes up to his alarm clock blaring in his ear, feeling like he’s going to throw up, which is weird for him. Mav says that he’s never met anyone with a stronger stomach. Eighteen-year-olds have stomachs of steel, his mom jokes when she’s having a good day.

He stumbles down the hall and hangs his head over the toilet. Nothing comes up. The nausea goes away in a few minutes, but his gut still feels twisted. He brushes his teeth and decides the likely culprit is the new recipe Mav attempted for dinner last night. He choked down a few bites of the horrible fish tacos before his uncle called it a failure and ordered pizza.

Back in his room, it doesn’t take him long to finish getting ready, pulling on his new first-day-of-school outfit and shaping his mustache. He doesn’t care what Slider says; it’s looking good, much thicker than when he started growing it in April.

“It’s my first day of senior year, my last first day of school. Until the academy, anyway. But with the summer training, the first day of classes probably won’t even feel like a first day.”

His father’s official Lieutenant-JG portrait stares back at him. Unanswering as he fixes his hair.

“Mom is getting worse… She’s getting weaker; I don’t think we have very long before she has to go into hospice. I really want her to get better - I wished for it - but I don’t think that’s going to happen.”

He swallows hard and fights back tears, remembering his birthday just a few months ago. Everything hadn’t seemed quite as bad then as it is now.

“I hope she can make it to Christmas. I almost have enough money saved up to buy her that pair of earrings that look like the ones Princess Diana had at her wedding. They’re not real pearls like hers, obviously, but the lady at the jewelry counter told me they’re replicas, so I think she’ll like them anyway.”

Brown eyes identical to his own stare back at him. Hints of the mischievous, prank-loving man visible in the polite smile captured. The old photo is carefully tucked into the edge of his mirror; it was his mom’s first, but she gave it to him when he was eight. She had caught him staring at it every day for a week, quietly talking to it about his day.

“Wish me luck, Goose. It’s gonna be a big year.”

Downstairs, he’s greeted with the second weird thing of the day. First, his stomach, and now his mom is flipping pancakes. She’s hardly had the strength to use the bathroom by herself in the last six months, but this morning, she’s standing at the stove, singing along to the radio, and making his favorite breakfast.

She’s always said that bad things happen in threes, but strange things happen in pairs.

He thinks she might be right, but if she feels good, he’s not complaining. She never feels good anymore.

“There he is! Oh, Mav! Look at my baby boy, all grown up and ready for his last year of high school!”

“Ma…” He groans, and without prompting, he bends down to let her kiss and pinch his cheeks like he always does.

He’s not sure how many good days she has left, so he tries his best to behave and make her life easier.

He doesn't complain when she asks him to take the garbage out after he already did; her memory hasn’t been as good since she got sick. He keeps the anger inside when everyone forgets his baseball games because she had chemo; it’s more important for Mav and Ice to take care of her than to watch him throw a ball around. He even offered up his college fund to help pay for another round of treatment. He was denied before he could even finish the suggestion, but he just wants her to get better more than anything in the world.

Needs her to get better.

She sets a stack of pancakes in front of him, and again, he has the urge to cry when she kisses the top of his head. Her perfume takes over his senses, and if he closes his eyes, it’s almost like he’s little again.

A massive stack of fluffy, perfectly round pancakes, slathered in butter and syrup, filled with his mom’s love.

Mav sitting across the table from him, drinking the worst black coffee to exist on the planet.

His mom humming off-key at the stove, her beautiful, golden hair swishing as she gets into a song.

But then he opens his eyes, and he’s not little anymore.

The pancakes are still covered with butter and enough syrup to give him a cavity, but they’re not the same. They’re flat and mishappen; her arms aren’t very strong anymore, so Mav must’ve had to help her.

Mav still sits across from him, terrible black coffee in his mug, but now he looks old. Too old for someone in his thirties. They’ve been lucky he’s been able to be here this past year. After Mom got sick, Ice and Viper pulled some strings to get him assigned to a shore-duty desk job. Bradley knows he hates it. Can see it in the way he watches every plane that passes overhead - civilian, military, it doesn’t matter - his fingers twitching to be the one controlling the powerful engines. But he never complains, is steady and strong, taking Mom to appointments and Bradley to school.

His mom is humming at the stove for the first time in a long time, somehow more in tune than she’s ever been. He wants to make a joke about how the treatments must have fixed her tone-deafness, but it would just make everyone sad. A reminder that it’s the only thing her treatment has fixed.

It’s taken everything else away.

Her skin, once bright and youthful, is now dull and gray-toned. Her energy has been zapped; she doesn’t even have it in her to make it through their Sunday movie nights. Her body is frail. She was always slim, but now she borders on gaunt, her appetite nonexistent most of the time. Her hair was the first thing to go, a rotation of brightly colored scarfs and hats replacing the blonde strands that used to reach her shoulders. He looks at today’s choice. A bright red scarf that matches the white sundress and red cardigan she’s pulled on.

She looks pretty.

“You look pretty, mom.”

It grabs the attention of both adults, the two of them staring long enough that he squirms in his chair.

“Thank you, baby.” Her pleased smile tells him it was the right thing to say. “You don’t want your pancakes?”

“I do. They look great, but my stomach kinda hurt when I got up, so I don’t want to eat right now. I’m sorry. If you put them in the fridge, I can eat them for dinner.”

“Oh, don’t be silly! It’s a special day; we’re going to have something special for dinner! Something that Mav won’t be making.” The teasing smile she sends to the table makes the knot in his stomach unwind some. It makes him feel good enough to take a small bite.

The shape is wrong, and they’re not fluffy enough, but the taste is the same. The flavor melts over his tongue. The pressure in his chest, the one that showed up around the same time as his mom’s cancer diagnosis, lightens a little bit.

I should fake sick and stay home.

The thought comes out of left field, but he’s immediately on board. She hasn’t had a good day in forever, and he doesn’t want to miss it. Who knows when the next one will come. If there will even be another good day. He wants to spend time with his mom while she knows what’s happening.

“My stomach hurts; I don’t think I can go to school.” He groans and grabs his stomach, trying to look as pathetic as possible to sell his story.

He’s forgotten how sharp his mom is, how well she knows him. “Nice try, honey. You were fine two seconds ago, and you’re not missing your first day of senior year. Now, c’mon! It’s photo time!”

Carole is marching towards the front door before he can argue, so he tries to sway Mav in his favor. But the dark-haired man just shakes his head and avoids eye contact, grabbing the camera off the counter. Bradley stands in the middle of the kitchen, the knot retwisting itself.

He suddenly realizes that his upset stomach has nothing to do with yesterday’s tilapia trying to get its revenge and everything to do with what he overheard in the waiting room during his mom’s last checkup.

“I know, I heard. Isn’t it terrible? He'd been sick for a while, but it seemed like he was getting better. He even took his kids on a bike ride, and then - BAM! - he was gone the next day!”

“Oh, that happens a lot with people who are sick for a long time. Toward the end, they get this sudden burst of energy. It’s like God’s way of giving a happy memory to them and their loved ones. Letting them have one last good day before they go.”

He’s actually going to throw up this time.

Bradley drags his feet all the way to the front door, delaying his departure as much as possible. He doesn’t want to leave, but he knows he’s not going to win any fight against her right now - he’s going to school, come hell or high water. And he doesn’t want to fight with his mom; instead, he chooses to commit the moment to memory.

The gentle touch of her hands as she fusses with his hair, making sure it’s just right before any photos.

The brightness of her smile, how it’s the one thing that’s never dimmed despite everything she’s gone through.

The teasing barbs she exchanges with Mav, the man who has been family to her for longer than Bradley has been alive.

He looks at Mav, the man who has done his best to help raise him. Tried so hard to be a fatherly figure in place of the man who was lost too soon. Mav looks tired, Bradley wonders if he’s thinking the same thing as him.

She’s going. She’s going, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it.

Just like every year since kindergarten, they squish together on the porch, his mom wrapping her arm around his waist. He thinks about how she used to have to squat down so their heads were together. Now, she’d have to go on her tiptoes, and he’d have to crouch down for that to happen.

He knows his smile looks fake; he has to force himself because this might be the last photo he gets with his mom, and that makes him sad beyond words. Carole quickly fixes that, tickling his side on that one spot that always gets him. He giggles and tries to squirm away, his smile turning happy and real as she laughs at him.

“You’re just like your father; he was ticklish in the exact same spot.”

Even the talk of Goose doesn’t bring them down like it usually does. Today, it lifts everyone’s spirit to realize how much he’s like the father he didn’t get to know.

After Mav has taken an ungodly number of photos, Bradley asks for the camera and stands next to his uncle. He snaps photo after photo of his mom, hoping that if he takes enough, he won’t ever be able to forget this moment. Then he shuffles Mav on the porch and takes photos of the pseudo-siblings. He rearranges them one last time, setting the camera on the porch railing and hitting the timer.

He doesn’t know it yet, but that photo of the three of them standing in the yard with the Bronco just visible in the background will be the last photo taken of his mother. As an adult, it will be tied for first place with five others as his favorite photo of all time.

After the last flash, Carole pulls him close. “I am so proud of you, Bradley. Your dad would be so proud of you. You’re such a good boy. I love you so much.”

He hugs her tighter than he should; he can’t help it. The little gasp she lets out at the intensity of his hug makes him feel a bit guilty, but he doesn’t stop.

He doesn’t want to let her go.

“I know, honey. I know. It’s okay.” She tries to soothe her baby, who isn’t a baby anymore. He’s a full-grown man who is so much smarter and wiser than any 18-year-old should ever be. He’s been through so much more than any kid should ever have to go through. She feels bad about how quickly he’s had to grow up. “Everything is gonna be okay.”

No, it’s not going to be okay. But he holds back his tears because he doesn’t want her to cry when she’s having a good day. He reluctantly lets go and slips on his sunglasses - aviators, just like Goose - before heading for his car, knowing that if he doesn’t go now, he’ll never be able to make himself leave.

With his stomach in even more knots than he thought possible, Bradley heads off to school, waving as he pulls out of the driveway. Trying to burn the image of his mom waving, one hand on her hip as Mav nudges her and makes her laugh.

From the moment he parks the Bronco in the seniors-only lot, the entire school day feels like torture. He can’t even enjoy the beginning of his senior year, something he had been waiting for.

Senior year means graduation. Graduation means going to college. College means packing his stuff for Annapolis. Annapolis means he can finally start working on his dream.

He’ll learn how to be an aviator while roaming the same halls as Goose while he learns the ins and outs of aeronautical engineering. He might even be lucky enough to get placed in the same dorm room. Being an aviator means he’ll be just like his father. And Mav. And Ice. And Slider. And all of his other uncles from the class of '86. But he can’t bring himself to be excited like usual.

Instead, he’s on edge the entire day. Waiting to get called to the nurse’s office. They all had agreed as a family - Bradley, Carole, Mav, and Ice - that if she passed when he was at school, they would have the front office call him down to the nurse’s office. Ice would pick him up, Mav likely busy dealing with the doctors and the funeral home and everything.

He can barely eat the lunch his mom packed. A peanut butter and strawberry jelly sandwich, cut into triangles like when he was little. Chips, cucumber slices, and a chocolate chip cookie round out the meal. He tosses most of the food but is careful to keep the little note she had put in the brown paper bag.

I love you, Bradley. You’re going to do great things.

He presses it between the pages of his calculus textbook before he goes to gym, making sure he doesn’t bend the pink sticky note, preserving her swirly handwriting as best he can.

Finally, the bell signaling the end of the eighth period rings. Relief washes through his body. There’s been no call from the nurse, and his school day is over. He hastily packs his bookbag and practically skips towards the parking lot, waving at some friends still in class. He’s one got free period during ninth period, and as a senior, he gets to leave early if he has no class.

He’s planning his route home - he wants to stop at the corner store to grab a treat for his mom - when he skids to a stop where the concrete sidewalk meets asphalt.

Ice is leaning against the bumper of the Bronco.

“Happy birthday, Bradley!” His mom yells before blowing a kazoo.

He couldn’t be happier. It’s his birthday, his mom is having a good day, and he just got the keys to the Bronco. It’s officially his, just like he always dreamed it would be.

“Your dad’s dream was for you two to fix it up together and give it to you on your eighteenth birthday,” Mav explained. “I know I can’t replace him, but we had a good time working on it, right?”

Bradley nods and hugs his uncle. Mav will never be his actual dad, but he’s the closest thing he has to one. He helped raise him. He had sacrificed so many weekends to spend time with him, showing him how to fix the Bronco or throw a football with a perfect spiral. He’d even taken him on motorcycle rides, but they agreed not to tell Mom about that.

“Okay, knock it off, you saps. It’s time to blow out your candles, Baby Goose!” Slider enters the dining room, looking ridiculous with a crooked party hat on his head. He’s concentrating hard to balance a cake that’s much too big for the six people in attendance at his birthday dinner.

It’s set in front of Bradley, and he laughs when he sees the cake is covered in little plane toys. It looks like a cake made for a little kid, and he loves it. Aunt Sarah lights his candles and starts singing. He sits there for 30 seconds, watching his family sing off-key and thinking about how he loves his family so much his heart hurts.

“Okay, baby! Close your eyes and make a wish!” Carole smooths a hand over his hair.

He smiles up at her. “Only if you help me, ma.”

She bends down, doing a quick countdown before they close their eyes and blow out the candles together. For the first time in years, Bradley actually makes a wish.

Please don’t let my mom die. I need her.

Ice is talking to Slider, who’s parked in his white Jeep, and even from this distance, he can tell they’ve been crying.

Slider has obviously given Ice a ride to school, and now they’re waiting for him. If Ice doesn’t have his truck, that means he’s going to be driving Bradley. And that can only mean one thing.

She’s gone. My wish didn’t come true.

His backpack hits the ground at the same time as his knees, and he throws up. It’s not a lot; he’s barely eaten today, and by the time his uncles reach him - their feet pounding on the pavement - he’s just sobbing and dry heaving into the grass.

“Breathe, Bradley. You gotta breathe, buddy.” He can’t tell which one is talking; blood is rushing in his ears, and he just keeps crying.

“Bradley.” It’s Ice, holding his face up. “Listen to me. Your mom is not dead. Do you hear me? She’s not gone. But she had to be taken to the hospital; we’re still waiting for the test results. We’re gonna go there right now, but you need to breathe first, okay? You gotta breathe.”

He does his best to stop crying and take in air. His body literally shudders on the first breath, his lungs greedily sucking in the oxygen. After a few breaths, a water bottle is shoved in front of his face. He doesn’t even know where it came from, but he drinks, his throat raw.

Slider pops a mint into his mouth before helping him stand. “It’ll help your throat and your stomach.”

He races to the car, throwing the keys to Ice, who almost drops them. Both adults speed out of the parking lot, heading directly for the hospital.

Halfway there Ice has a chilling realization. The car is silent. If he’s learned anything in the last twenty-odd years, it’s that a car ride involving a Bradshaw is never silent. There’s always talking and laughing. Usually, you can count on singing and bad seat dancing, but today, it’s silent. There’s not even the sound of crying. And when he looks over at Bradley, he’s startled to find him catatonically staring out the windshield, his face bone dry. He looks like a statue, and it freaks Ice out how quickly he’s shut down. He hasn’t attended Sunday service in a long time, doesn’t even know if he believes in a higher power, but at that moment, he sends off prayers to every deity he can name, hoping that one of them can pull off a miracle for the boy who’s already dealt with so much.

It’s even worse at the hospital, Slider nabbing the spot next to them seconds after Ice shifts into park. The three of them hurry towards the ICU, where a nurse lets them all in after she hears who they’re visiting. Technically, only Bradley and Pete meet the requirements to be allowed in, but the entire ward is aware of the situation and are prepared to let as many people visit as needed.

Bradley freezes halfway to Carole’s room, Slider almost running him over. A priest is walking out of her room. He shakes hands with Mav and somberly nods at the frozen trio when he passes.

Mav watches as his best friends gently nudge his godson forward. His heart feels like it’s splitting in two as tears start streaming down Bradley’s face. A face that looks so old and so young at the same time. Maverick feels like he’s watching his 18-year-old nephew transform into the little boy who just lost his dad. His lower lip trembles just like it used to when he would fall and scrap his knee. Except this time, there’s nothing Mav can do to make it better. There’s no antibacterial spray, no Spiderman band-aid, no over-dramatic kiss with magical healing powers. This time, there’s only a young man who’s now taller than him. He stands in the doorway with red eyes and a mustache that makes him look so much like Goose.

“What happened?” Bradley croaks, afraid to enter the room. He hates the way his mom looks when she’s hooked up to all those machines. The beeping hurts his ears. “Why was the priest in here?”

“I don’t know, kid. We were about to eat lunch, and she collapsed. The doctors don’t know either; the test results didn’t show anything that’s telling them what’s going on. Everything is just suddenly worse.” Mav gets choked up; he can hardly continue. “They uh- they said this is probably it. That we should say our goodbyes. That’s why I had the priest come in. When we talked about her final wishes a while ago, she made me promise she would get her last rites.”

Bradley tackles him in a hug before he finishes talking. They cry together, mourning the loss that hasn’t happened yet.

The four of them have been sitting in silence for hours, listening to the beep of the heart monitor, when Bradley speaks up from his post beside his mom. “What else does she want? I know she wants to be buried next to Goose, but what else? She didn’t tell me.”

“She wants yellow carnations in her arrangements. Her wedding band stays with her, just like Goose, but her engagement ring goes to you. She wants to be wearing that blue dress she wore when she first met your dad.”

“That’s it?”

“There are a few more legal things, like with the house and the cars, but that’s laid out in her will. She made me promise I’ll take care of you, which I was always going to do no matter what.”

And she made me promise I’ll never let you fly.

Mav doesn’t add that final promise to the list; it’s not the right time for that conversation. He’s not sure it’ll ever be the right time.

Carole can feel herself getting weaker, but today is a good day; she feels good. Strong.

“Peter Howard Mitchell! Listen to me, you stupid, stubborn, obnoxious jackass! We don’t have a lot of time before Bradley gets back, and we need to talk about this!”

Bradley had felt guilty about leaving to go to the movies with Tessa Richardson, but Carole had insisted - he’d had a crush on that girl for years. It was about time he had his first kiss. And she was 95% certain it was going to happen today. Her motherly instincts were tingling.

“I don’t want to talk about it, Carole! I’m sick of every conversation we have being about you dying!”

“You think I like talking about it? Knowing that I’m leaving behind my little boy?” She gets in his face, yelling with every ounce of strength she can summon. “You think I like knowing that my body is giving up? That I’m dying? I can feel it happening, Pete! I can feel myself drifting away! And nothing the doctors are doing is helping! I know that it’s scaring Bradley, scaring you, but it’s scaring me most of all!”

Maverick catches her, and they sink to the ground; she sobs in his arms. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you cry; I’m so sorry, Carole. What do you need me to do?”

“Bradley can’t fly.” She pulls back, wiping her eyes. “He can’t fly for the Navy, Pete. I know he wants to, but you can’t let him.”

“But Carole, it’s his dream to-”

“To die just like his father?” Her words shock him. “I love Nick more than anything, Pete, you know that. But do you know what I would do to have him here with us today? Do you realize I’ve lived three times as long without my husband than I did with him? It’s been fifteen years - almost sixteen. I only knew Nick for five, and we were only married for three before he was gone. I would do anything to have Bradley know his father.”

“Care…”

“You’ve been incredible, Mav. You’ve done your best to be a father to him; he loves you so much. I love you so much; you’re my best friend. But I've missed my husband every day for the last fifteen years. He was the love of my life, and I miss him so much my heart hurts. I’m not going to be here, but I can’t stand the thought of the same thing happening to Bradley. I won’t let that happen to my baby. So, you have to promise me, Pete. Promise me you won’t let him fly.”

They sit on the floor in silence, staring at each other. The internal debate roars inside Maverick, hurting his chest. He loves the Bradshaws more than anything. He would do anything for them. He still feels guilty about his best friend’s death, knows it was his fault, even if the investigation said he was innocent. The guilt of Goose being gone eats away at him, little by little each day.

Carole is right.

He can’t - he won’t - lose Bradley the same way.

“I promise I’ll do my best to keep him out of the air. But Carole, he’s almost an adult. Soon, there won’t be much I can do to control him. I can’t stop him from applying to the Academy or joining the Navy.”

“Yes, you can. Get Ice to pull some strings, indebt yourself to Viper. Do whatever you have to do. Do everything you can to protect him, Pete.” Her voice is cold and emotionless, knowing it will destroy her son, but at least he’ll be alive.

It was the one and only time they had talked about it, but every time Bradley excitedly talked about his future, Carole would look at him with this face that made Mav feel awful. It’s her request, but he was going to be the reason Bradley’s dreams were crushed.

Mav leans over in his chair, guilt and hopelessness consuming his body. The knowledge that his godson was about to be more like him in all the ways he never wanted.

Orphaned. Mother dying, with a broken heart, years after his father was killed while flying.

Denied entrance to the Naval Academy due to something beyond his control.

“She doesn’t want anything else?”

“No.”

It’s the last word spoken. A lie.

Slider and Ice spend the night just outside the door in some extra chairs an orderly had been kind enough to scrounge up. Mav shifts between standing at Carole’s side to hold her hand and sitting ramrod straight at the foot of her bed.

Bradley stays by his mom’s side the entire night, clutching her left hand. He plays with her wedding band, twisting it around her finger like he used to when he was little. He thinks about how different everything is going to be. He’s going to be alone a lot more now. He’s legally an adult, so when Mav gets deployed or transferred, there won’t be a need to scramble to make sure he’s taken care of. He doesn’t know what he’s going to do with the house or if it’s even his to worry about. Mav, Ice, and his mom had taken care of the legal stuff without him. He wonders if Slider would loan him some money so he can get those earrings. She won’t be able to appreciate them, but he still wants her to have them. It’s the last thing he’ll be able to do for her. They’ll go nice with her blue dress, he thinks. He sits there and thinks. He’s there the whole time.

He’s there, wide awake, when Carole takes her last breath at 3:14 AM on September 4th. He’s there when the doctor comes in to declare her dead; he shakes Bradley’s hand, giving him the first of the thousand condolences that will follow. He’s there when the nurse comes in to turn off the monitors and unhook the IVs; she gently asks if he wants to leave while she cleans his mom up, but he refuses. He doesn’t have a lot of time left before he’ll never see her again; he can’t waste any time. He’s there for another hour, trying to say his goodbyes through sobs. He’s there until his uncles drag him out, promising him that he’ll see her again before the funeral. He’s still there, mentally, when he goes to sleep at Uncle Tom’s house. He and Pete are sleeping over, neither of them ready to face the house.

He’s there three days later, shyly asking the funeral director if it would be too much trouble to change his mom’s earrings. When he asked Uncle Ron about the money, he put them both in the car, drove to the mall, and paid for the earrings without question. The two of them hugged for a long time before they went home. He’s there at the viewing, next to his mother’s casket for hours, numbingly accepting condolences and hugs from hundreds of people. The one bright spot is being reminded how many people loved his mom. How wonderful she was to everyone she met.

He’s there at the graveside service, the first to place a rose on the polished wood. He stays there once it ends, refusing to leave, watching as the casket is lowered and the hole is filled with dirt. He’s there to place a bouquet of yellow carnations, her favorite, on top of the fresh earth. He pats the dual gravestone, one half still blank, before he lets Mav pull him to the car. He looks back one last time, and as the sunshine dries his tears, he swears he can hear his parents' laughter in the wind.

As an adult, now with two dead parents and one estranged, he’s there every year that he’s not deployed. He clears away any weeds and leaves before placing a bouquet of yellow carnations on the gravestone that now bears two names. Sometimes, there’s a single red rose already there when he arrives. Those are the years he knows Mav beat him to saying hello. He’s there for hours at a time, sitting with his parents and eating a bag of trail mix with extra M&Ms added - Goose’s favorite.

The first year that he and Mary are together, he’s there alone. He trusts her implicitly, and she knows the whole story. He told her what happened with Mav and everything that followed; it was a conversation they had early on. But this is something too raw, too personal, to share so soon in a relationship. He’s spent so many years doing this by himself that he’s not sure how he would handle having another person with him. Even if it was someone he loves so much.

Mary understands.

“Of course, you understand, you’re perfect.”

“I’m not perfect, Bradley. I just care about your feelings.”

“You’re perfect for me.” He kisses her before she can protest. “Thank you for caring about me.”

The day of, she kisses him softly as he leaves, pushing a sandwich bag of trail mix into his hand. Her only ask is to tell her when he gets home safe if he needs space, letting him know that her house is always open if he doesn’t want to spend the night alone.

He spends that first year catching them up. Now that he’s stationed in San Diego, it’s easier to visit more often, but several things have happened since his last stop. Usually, he talks for a bit and then sits in silence, choosing to reminisce on the happy memories. This time, he spends most of the time talking. Telling his parents about Mav, the shenanigans of the Dagger Squad, about Mary. He tells them all about Mary. How much he loves her, how he hasn’t said it yet because it’s only officially been two months, how he’s pretty sure she can tell anyway. He goes on and on about her eyes, her kindness, her intelligence.

“I love her so much; I’m going to marry her.” He blurts it out, a small gasp following his declaration to the etched granite stone. It’s not the first time he’s had the thought, but it’s the first time he’s said it out loud. And now he can’t stop thinking about it.

Mary in a white dress with a veil sitting on her pretty brown hair, a gold band on her ring finger. The two of them committing themselves to each other in front of all their loved ones. Twirling her around the dance floor to their song, dipping her at the end to kiss her and make her blush. Everything that would follow. A house. A dog. A few kids. Diapers and dance recitals to gray hair and wrinkles.

“Holy shit… I’m going to marry her.” The breeze ruffles his hair, and he knows it’s his parents. “Don’t worry, Mom, I’ll make sure we’re married before I get her pregnant, unlike you two.”

He decides to stay the night at Mary’s, feeling better than he ever has on this day. He goes to find her the moment he enters the house, using the key she recently gave him. She’s on her office floor, organizing her bookshelf, when he presses himself against her, devouring her in a kiss. Bradley’s added weight throws her off balance, and the two of them topple over, sprawled in the paperbacks.

When he finally pulls back, he’s pleased to see that she’s flushed and her chest is heaving.

“I’m not complaining, but what was that?”

“I’ve never had someone to come home to after visiting them; I’ve always done it alone.” He talks into her neck, enjoying the way her fingers tighten in his hair when his lips brush her skin. “I’m just really thankful I have you.”

“Oh, Bradley…” Mary doesn’t know what to say. She loves this man so much, and she knows it’s too soon to say that, so she shows him. The night ends with a shower and papercuts in places where papercuts should never happen.

The day sneaks up on him the second year they’re together. They’ve been busy; between work, helping Jake with his surprise, and preparing to move in together, August went by in a blink. It leaves him with no time to mentally prepare.

Bradley jolts awake, sweat covering his temples and his heart thumping. It’s the worst nightmare he’s had in months. It was a twisted mess of awful moments. Some real, some imagined. Reliving his mother’s death but worse, almost dying on the uranium mission, losing Mary to cancer, same as his mom. He woke up just as a doctor was telling him she was gone and he wasn’t allowed to see her.

“No, sir, I’m sorry, but you can’t go back there. Her husband doesn’t want anyone else back there. You’ll have to wait for the funeral… if you’re even allowed in, asshole.”

He whips the covers off and trips his way to the bathroom, barely making it to the toilet before his dinner makes a return trip. The commotion wakes Mary, and she quickly makes her way to him, finding him laying on the floor, his shirt whipped into the tub.

His chest is so tight it hurts. He can’t believe he’s having a panic attack. He hasn’t had a full-on panic attack in years. There’s been anxiety, moments where he can’t easily catch his breath and his heart beating faster than it should, but nothing like this. He feels like he’s drenched in sweat, his heart is pounding, and he can’t breathe.

“Bradley? Look at me, sweetie.”

Mary.

“Can you look at me, Bradley?” He can hardly see through the tears. “I know it’s hard because you’re crying so hard, but look at me.”

It takes all his strength to turn his head, but he does it because he knows she’s worried.

“There you are. Okay, baby, I need you to breathe with me.”

He’s not exactly sure how she does it, but she helps him calm down. His body listens to her instructions before his brain realizes.

It takes a while, but he can breathe normally again. She helps him sit up, propping himself against the tub and letting his head fall back. He hears the sink run before there’s a soft touch on his shoulder.

“Gonna touch you, that okay?” He nods, appreciative of how considerate she is, always thinking of him.

Mary gently wipes his face, cleaning it of tears and sweat before brushing the washcloth over his arms and chest. It helps ground him, feeling more inside his body than before.

“What time is it?” Bradley rasps as she rinses the cloth.

“Late. Or early, depending on how you want to think about it.” She peeks out of the door, checking the time. Her face is somber when she comes back to him. “It’s 3:20, honey.”

“Twenty years… she’s been gone for twenty years.” He reaches for her, and she easily complies, straddling his thighs when he tugs her hand.

They sit in silence, wrapped tightly in each other’s arms.

“I had a nightmare.” He starts, answering her silent question. “It was her death and the uranium mission back-to-back, losing her and then him.”

She hums, encouraging him to continue. She doesn’t know the details of that mission - her clearance level is high but not that high - but she knows that he and Mav barely made it back. Both of them brushing hands with death multiple times.

They have nightmares. Less frequently now that they’re a few years down the road, but they still happen. Mav dreams that he doesn’t save them, that one of the bogeys gets them before Hangman reaches them. Bradley’s feature him missing the helicopter, having to watch Mav bleed out.

“Then it was you. You were sick. It was the same thing as Mom, uterine cancer. And I couldn’t even say goodbye. You married someone else, and I wasn’t allowed in.”

She takes a sharp breath. That’s new.

“I don’t want to lose you, Mary. I love you so much, I think it would kill me.”

“Oh, honey.” She cradles his face, forcing him to look at her. “You listen to me, Bradley Bradshaw. You are the best thing to ever happen to me. I love you more than anything. In two weeks, we’re going to be living together. When the time is right, we’re going to get married and have a family.”

She can't help but press a quick kiss to his mouth. “And I’m healthy. There’s no history of uterine or breast cancer in my family, and I just had my annual appointment last week. All the tests came back negative for bad things. Nothing is wrong. I'm totally healthy, okay? I love you, and I’m not going anywhere.”

“You can’t guarantee that.”

“You’re right, I can’t. We can’t control everything, and sometimes bad things happen. But I can promise you that I will do everything in my power to make sure I don’t ever leave you.”

“Thank you.” His voice is quiet and scratchy. “I know it’s hard with what I do, but I promise you’re my number one thought when I’m in the air; coming home safe to you is my top priority.”

“Now, I’m gonna cry, Bradley.” They both let out watery laughs. “You’re such a sweet man.”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now let’s go back to bed; I need my beauty sleep before I meet your parents.” She pulls him up, and they fall asleep quickly, tucked together as the early morning light peeks through the curtains.

When they get to the cemetery the next afternoon, a red rose sits on the headstone. One step in front of him, Mary picks it up and brushes some leaves off the base. He watches as she places the flower back in its spot, plucking a few dandelions before she stands.

“There,” she says, brushing dirt off her hands, “that’s better.”

The wind picks up, twisting her long hair around, and he rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, Mom, I know. She’s very pretty. I’m working on proposing. We gotta do some stuff first, but it’s coming.” He mutters under his breath.

“What was that, honey?”

“Nothing, baby doll. Want to help me put the blanket down?” His hat blows off, and he scowls at the tree that’s nearby, smiling when he hears her muffled giggle.

Miss you, dad.

part six will be coming next week! have a great weekend everyone!

@gretagerwigsmuse | @bobfloyds | @hangmanbrainrot | @notroosterbradshaw | @princessphilly | @roleycoleyreccenter | @thesewordsareallihavetogive | @a-court-of-roscoe-and-baby | @katieshook02 | @hellojameshowyadoin | @aristotles-butthole | @atarmychick007 | @whatislovevavy | @kmc1989 | @sometimesanalice

fic tag | Mar[r]y Me masterlist | credit for dividers here

[kresnikcest]

The end of the game really is just Elle and Julius both asking Ludger to directly or indirectly allow their deaths for his sake because they both believe they can contribute more in death than if they live, and that Ludger will ultimately be happier with someone else anyway

[trademarkhubris]

whining time again

[girlgerard]

saw people on twitter say that "cause im her kind of girl, and she's my kind of boy" was part of the lyrics of eagles this show and um umumumumum. um.

THIS CANR BE TRUE. THIS LEGITIMATELY CANR BE TRUE IM DOUBTING IT RIGHT NOW OR WLAE IM GONNA THROW UP PELASE GOD ELL ME THIS ISNT TRUE

[stephsycamore]

Gideon is so mean to garcia here and he really lets elle down idk im just upset at gideon!! He pisses me right off since this rewatch. I know garcia fucked up. But this kind of thing has literally never happened before how could she know and she is literally the key to everything they do and he is still so mean to her anyway im mad gideon hates women and doesnt respect anyone who isnt a profiler.

Its time yall s1ep22 the fisher king!! Yall already know i have opinions about how they treat elle.

I really enjoy the first scenes with them all in the bau going on vacation and then elle and morgan having their party time. I love it. It does suck that it seems JJ and garcia aren't also on vacation. They should be. They deserve it too

[kathrynalicemc]

Next Gen/HPMA Connections

So everyone is doing this so I figured i would make a new one myself. I did do one recently but it wasnt super in depth and I also made some new kids since. So once again, hmu if you want friends/rivals/dormmates/ships, etc. Im not gonna order by house and instead will order by years. NOTE: Did not include Renee & Rhys Mcclarnon or Lennox Arcano-Thorne as they are shared kids with @thatravenpuffwitch and @endlessly-cursed. Let me know or msg them if you are interested in them!

Dayamanti Arcano - 1994

Gryffindor

Child: Mckenzie Foy Adult: Anne Hathaway

She/her

Sexuality is tbd, offer anyone

Loner, burdened older sister who has to raise her sisters vibes

Just wants to be alone from her sisters for once

Conflicting feelings of secretly wanting to protect them all the time

Blacksmith later in life

Talented at dueling (magical and greatsword), plays quidditch as a chaser

Nessi Lucerne - October 20th, 1996 (hpma)

Slytherin

FC: Cara Delevingne

Half kelpie

She/they

Pansexual

ADHD vibes

Doesn't understand human culture and can seem niave or dumb

Very loud, energetic, friendly. Will make you be her friend

Doesn't really understand people making fun of her

Dafne Arcano - January 5th, 1997 (hpma)

Ravenclaw

Young: Milly Alcock Adult: Julia Almendra(?)

She/her

Lesbian (Shes Taken maybe??)

Depression vibes

Necromancer

Loves dead things and the history lost to time

Bullied for being a freak as a kid so she purposely drives people away by being cold

Secretly loves her friends and is just a nerd

Kiri Amaryllis - July 14th, 1997 (hpma)

Hufflepuff

FC: Elle Fanning

She/her

Asexual (Still feels romantic, but shes Taken already)

Huge Anxiety vibes

Half house elf (4' tall ish)

She was abused by her aunt for her entire childhood so she is very sensitive and has anxiety. Very hard to befriend

Loves plants and uses them for healing later in life

Might steal any misc trinket or garbage you have (buttons, paperclips, etc)

Siv Arcano-Thorne - December 2nd, 2000

Slytherin

FC: Hailee Steinfeld

She/her

Lesbian

Takes after her dad Kaari in being reckless and bold. Not gryffindor because she will do anything she wants to get what she wants. Including breaking rules and crime. Doesn't take shit from anyone

Loves dragons. Has an antipodean opaleye named Zepheline

Plays quidditch as a chaser

Loves pizza, rock and roll 80's music, old trucks

Dragonologist later in life. Also becomes a vigilante to stop dragon fighting rings and egg black markets

Mikael Arcano-Thorne - 2002

Ravenclaw

FC: Ethan Peck

He/him

Sexuality tbd; offer any

Huge nerd like his cousin Dafne. Except he loves ancient languages, runes included

Talented linguist

Plays quidditch as a seeker or keeper most likely?

Least of the Arcano cousins to want to fight but is trained with a sword

Soft spoken, quiet, kind

Dielle Arcano - 2002

Hufflepuff

Child: Freya Allen Adult: Morfyyd Clark

She/her

Sexuality tbh; offer any

The baby of the 3 Arcano sisters, was young when their parents died

Pure heart and takes care of others first

Healer and her gift gives her forcefield shields to protect

Trained with a bow

Secretly wants to prove herself to her sisters that she isnt a little girl anymore and can be badass and a leader

[voidselfshipp]

Cartoons and family reunions

Cw: Chuck has a bad relationshipp with his dad, not bad bad, they dont know how to communicate (And both are emotionally constipated)

Summary: Chuck and Herc mend their relationshipp a little bit thanks to cartoons.

A/n: this idea was based off a post made by @/Christian-latte-anon.

Taglist: @tex-treasures @malewifepatrickbateman @mercuryships

Chuck was returning from a long day of working on striker eureka, tired, sweaty and mildly cranky he walks towards his girlfriend's room.

"As soon as I get to her room ill greet her...give her a kiss...shower and cu-- what the hell?" From outside her room, he could hear a voice with an ustralian accent "dad?" Chuck thought "no. Its too high pitched to be his..."

He opened the door carefully and found his girlfriend curled up with Ice cream watching a cartoon on her laptop

He chuckles and leans on the doorframe with his elbow, one hand on his hip-- 'Ello luv, what're ya watchin'

Jerico turns to him and smiles-- hey handsome, im watching a cartoon of australian dogs

--Aussie dogs? Now im interested-- he said closing the door behind him-- excuse me -- he sits besides her and leans in.

--Chuck! You smell like oil and sweat! Go shower!-- jeri whined pushing him away a little.

--Oi! This is a kiddies cartoon-- Chuck had heard about it what was the name of the show-- seems famliar..bunley? Buley?

--Bluey, Chuck

--Ah right, Bluey-- he agreed-- I have no issue with you watchin' em, they arent my cup of tea

--im not gonna stop watching them, just so you know, go shower-- she cupped his cheeks and kissed him briefly.

He kissed back, a tired smile on his face-- you always know what I need, dontcha

She giggles, kissing his forehead-- cmon, go shower

--Yes ma'am

Chuck left for the shower, and once she heard him get in, she bundles up in her blankets and keeps watching the show.

Chuck could hear her giggle and laugh, besides cooing at the show. Maybe he could give it a chance. If only for her.

So, with a towel around his hips he lays down with her and steals a couple of bites of her Icecream-- how did you even get these past pentecost?

Jerico shrugged-- he likes strawberry icrecream

--The upstanding citizen pentecost acceptin' bribes? Talk about end of the world omens -- he joked.

He cuddled up besides her and watched the show.

Charkes had to admit, it was really cute, but he couldnt help but notice something

The main character, bluey, has a great relationshipp with her dad. It reminded him of the kind of relationshipp he wanted to have with his own dad.

He cleared his throat and Gently said-- can you turn it off? -- to then turn away.

Jerico closed the laptop and looked at him-- ey, everything okay? -- she asked putting a hand on his bicep.

--Its nothin' its just uh..-- he sighed-- the main character reminded me of somethin'

--You wanna talk about it?

He shakes his head and just lays ontop of her a little, her arms wrapping around his neck and her head ontop of his.

--maybe ill go for some fresh air..I dont want to interrupt yer marathon -- Chuck said quietly.

--its okay, Chuck -- jeri reassured him-- I can always watch it later

She held him tight,murmuring sweet things and pressing kisses to the top of his head until he felt better.

Now every time he was around she'd watch the show later, to avoid any more incidents Like that.

Chuck was defenetly done with the show, but the show with him? Not so much.

Pentecost announced him and his dad would be doing a VA Gig for funding, neither of them were going to argue with the marshall so off they went to Australia for a couple of days.

--The marshall refused to tell us what we are supposed to do-- Chuck told his dad on the airplane-- we couldnt bring jerico over either, what the hell is up with that?

--Apparently we are goin' to participate on a special for a kid cartoon-- his father explained-- Bluey I think its called?

--Bloody 'ell-- he muttered holding the bridge of his nose.

--Isnt that the show Jerico likes so much?-- herc asked.

--You know it?-- the younger hansen asks.

--yeah? Sort of? I watched a couple of episodes with Jer -- the older hansen admitted.

--How did you Sit through 'em?

--Ah theyre not that bad,son

Chuck only huffs and looks away. If there was something Chuck Hansen hated, was to experience emotions.

Once there, they are soon taken to the studio and the recording starts.

With some voice coaching lessons and various takes, they Get it done, they dont do a great job but its passable.

Both were given a copy of the episode and decided to watch it.

Chuck couldnt really stand it so after ten minutes he stood up-- I dont watch kiddie cartoons -- he growled,already heading for the door.

Herc finished watching it And ended up silently crying.

The Next day, Jerico was going to marathon the New Bluey special.

She felt incredibly excited, she had heard some famous people were going to be guest stars and she couldnt wait to see who were they.

For the first five minutes nothing seemed out of the ordinary, then three bulldogs appeared, the father was named Herc, the oldest son Chuck and the youngest was Max.

Jerico had to do a double take when she heard Hercules' voice. How come they didnt tell her they were in the show? Maybe they wanted to Keep it a surprise?

the special was about how the oldest of the two kids joined the military, following in the steps of his dad, and making him very proud.

Jerico could now understand why Chuck hadnt mentioned anything to her.

"Mum and Daddy have eachother! Do you have someone like they do?" Bluey had asked dog Chuck.

"I do" Chuck had taken out his phone to show bluey, it was a picture of what seemed to be a female Manchester terrier, that oddly resembled jeri a lot" this is my girlfriend and shes the best, shes always lookin' out for me and my dad, shes always up to help me with anything...shes the greatest!" And jerico could tell when the Real life Chuck said it, he felt it with all his being.

The episode ended with a heartfelt speech about how the dad was proud of his son regardless of what he did with his life. Which had jerico shedding a couple of tears.

She closed the laptop and went to find her boyfriends, finding Chuck working on Striker Eureka with rock music Blasting at full volume.

She sneaked up behind him and tapped his shoulder-- fuck off-- he replied angrily.

--and who took a shit on your breakfast this morning?-- she teased.

The Man turns around the instant he recognizes the voice-- babe! Im so sorry I didnt mean it!

Jeri laughed playfully pushing him-- its fine

He hugged her waist pulling her closer --Well, now that you scared me, did something happen?

--Nothing, but I did wanna ask you something, nothing bad dont worry-- her arms hugged his hips and looked up to meet his beautiful green eyes-- I swear every time I see you you just get more and more beautiful

He chuckled--ah well im just trying to match your Beauty , watcha wanted to ask me?

She giggled and nuzzled his chest-- what I wanted to ask, you smooth fuck, was if you worked on the New Bluey special!

The color drains from his face and he looks away-- uhm..yeah...sorry I didnt tell you...ya know how I get

--Its alright!, it was a pleaseant surprise, you did miss my dumbfoded face

--Aww Man! What a shame-- he teased.

--But it was really cute!-- jeri reassured him-- two of my favorite things mixed toghether, you and my current favorite show

Chuck smiled and kissed her Gently, squeezing her a little.

--Will you come by so we can watch the special toghether? -- jeri asked-- I know how you feel about it but...its something worth sharing with your dad!, And its a good way of connecting with him.., ill be with you there for support

He sighed--...I.. alright, once im done with the repairs ill swing by

--Thank you Chuck.. I know its hard for you and I appreciate it-- she pressed a soft kiss to his lips and he kissed back.

-- its all worth it if its for you-- Chuck whispered, allowing himself to be vulnerable for once.

--That means a lot-- jeri mutters back-- any idea where your dad is?

--Neck deep in paperwork probably, check his room maybe?

She nodded and gave him a final quick kiss before leaving-- love you!-- she yelled as she left.

--love ya too-- he said under his breath with a small smile , waving at her.

Jerico soon reached herc's bedroom, knocking on the heavy metal door-- herc? Honey?can I come in?

--Come in!-- opened the door and let herself in, seeing herc hunched over some papers with a cup of coffee that has Turned cold a while ago.

--ey-- she said softly.

He looks up from his paperwork and smiles-- 'ello,what brings ya here?

--Wanted to ask somethings-- she replied closing the door, sitting on the edge of his desk-- I heard you on the New Bluey special, that made me really happy!

Hercules smiles and his cheeks turn a little bit pink-- ah right! I was going to tell you but then stacker gave me all this bloody paperwork and--

--Alright alright, before you get a stress ulcer- old man, how about I make you some coffee

--first, dont call me that, second youre a life saver-- he replied kissing her knuckles.

Her face feels warmer all of the sudden, but jerico cant help but laugh and kiss the top of his head-- and one more thing, Will you swing by in a couple of hours to watch the special with me and Chuck?

-- thought Chuck didnt like that show?

--He doesnt but hes doing it for me, and itd be really nice if you could come, I think its a good way of connecting with Chuck...

--Ill go, dont worry your pretty little head

--Thanks herc, I love you-- jeri says, kissing him briefly and grabbing the cold cup of coffee.

Before she leaves he grabs her by the wrist and playfully tugs her on his lap.

--Hey!-- jeri exclaims light heartedly.

--You call that a kiss? -- he teased, before kissing her again. This time it lasts a little bit longer, he holds her a little bit tighter, melting into her arms.-- if the kaijus dont do me in, this bloody paperwork sure Will

Jeri laughed, playfully slapping his bicep-- dont say that!

He let her go and smiled-- this paperwork is a nightmare

--Youll get through it-- she promised kissing the top of his head and ruffling his hair-- be right back

After a quick coffee run, jeri left to her room to get it all set up.

Comfy pillows, blankets and both of the hansen's favorite snacks.

After some hours they arrived, Chuck was visibly unconfortable but it eased up once he was in bed with some coffee and Lamingtons.

He leaned his head on hers and herc held jerico with his arms around her waist, Chuck held on her left arm with his free hand.

As the episode progressed, both hansens couldnt help but cringe a little bit, did they really do that bad of a job?.

But jerico didnt seem to mind,she was too busy giggling and smiling at the computer's screen. And for them it was worth sitting through it if that meant they'd see their lovely partner happy.

The episode ended, and herc had to look away, Chuck copying him

--Thanks for watching it with me!-- jeri squealed.

Chuck smiled and hugged her a bit tightly-- youre welcome, babe

--I know its difficult for you two to sit through it but I appreciate it, I love you both

--We love you too-- herc said kissing the top of her head, to then turn to Chuck as if to say "I also love you".

The younger hansen can only reply with an acknowledgement nodd.

--as much as I would love to stay here and cuddle-- the older hansen said-- I gotta get back to that awfull paperwork

-- ill make some tea-- Chuck piped up, to then remember hes a hardass and add-- I guess I could make some for you

--I could use a tea, thank you son

After saying goodbye, and kissing her, Jerico saw both hansens go out of her room, but not before Herc side hugged Chuck and whispered something to him.

Chuck froze but hugged back, still trying to Keep that hardass persona of his, and leave.

Both of them still had a long way to go, but eventually they would find one another, and best of all they didnt have to do it alone, jerico would make sure of it.

[souponly]

scorpio/juno/celeste/jupiter

moon/moons/moonself

19

blog tag for me is scorpios stuff

please tag anything that is photosensitive as photosensitive

previous blog was @celestial-scorpions

i am into genshin impact, punishing gray raven, avatar the last airbender, minecraft (not minecraft youtube, fuck those landlords), stardew valley, the way of the house husband, and the sims 4

ask rules

comfort characters

image description practice thing

dni: ableists, racists, classists, all lives matter, misogynists, terfs and other transphobes and transmisogynists, islamophobic, antisemitic, support dream smp (doc here), gaud supporters, aphobes, exclusionist, participate in lgbt/queer discourse of any kind, maps and pedos, "rabies" supporters fuck off i dont want to feel like i am a disease, endophobes and people who treat any type of systems like sh8t (we are neutral on this stuff since we are uneducated on endo but the discourse overwhelms us so please stay away), proana or thinspo, lipstick lesbian flag users, tolkien and hp fandoms, russian parts of any fandom, and super x (gay straight lesbian etc).

plural dnis: any fictives whos source is aot, mcyt and/or dsmp, eula from genshin impact, itachi uchiha (or any other akatsuki members), tuxedo mask from sailor moon, other lucia from pgr alters. please make sure to keep those fictives away from all of us, if you do not respect our wishes your entire system will be blocked.

system info below

Jupiter/Scorpio/Celeste

18 (same as body)

moon/moons/moonself

notes: main fronter/host, memory holder and system protector

also runs @totally-correct-genshin @vocaloid-described and @accessible-genshin

all comfort characters are in pinned

discomfort characters and triggers (can be tagged as jupiter dont look or four dont look): eula from genshin impact, halloween, any form of smoking or vaping, substance abuse, catradora, mads mikkelsen (for very personal reasons, nothing against him), lgbt/queer discourse of any kind, and ba sing se (doesnt need tagged unless if theres anything that can be paranoia inducing)

---------------------------------------------------

Anya

approximately 19

she/they

notes: memory holder, original host, gatekeeper

triggers (can be tagged as anya dont look or four dont look): halloween, alcohol, smoking, car crashes, eviction, toxic relationships of any kind, and rock and especially metal music

---------------------------------------------------

Elle

age is unknown

she/her and he/him

role is unknown other than cohost

blog is @rasenhimbos

notes: likes pastels, math, bats, naruto, haikyuu, and anything pastel goth. is also a vampire. is rays twin

also runs @girlboss-of-all-time

comfort characters: haku from naruto, sakura from naruto, usagi from sailor moon

discomforts and triggers (can be tagged as elle dont look): tuxedo mask from sailor moon, toxic relationships of any kind, pedophilia or anything remotely similar to it, any horror that could be paranoia inducing, sasori from naruto

---------------------------------------------------

Ray/Ramona

16

she/they

gatekeeper sort of

notes: very much acts like and has the humor of a basic 16 yr old, is elles twin

blog @cisphobicedwardelric

also runs @totally-correct-genshin

comfort characters: bennett from genshin impact, chit sang from avatar the last airbender

discomfort things (tag as ray dont look): sex, drugs (specifically addiction, most of it otherwise as long as it isnt addiction is okay), gender

---------------------------------------------------

Song

little (approx. 8)

she/her

notes: is probably a furry. younger sister of mel. sometimes will front

---------------------------------------------------

Mel/Melody

18

they/them

does internal stuff mainly and rarely fronts.

notes: loves pranks and jokes, is song's older sister

---------------------------------------------------

Lucia

17

she/her

notes: fictive of lucia from punishing gray raven, loves frogs a lot, is dating liv from punishing gray raven even though we dont have a liv

tag: lucia

discomforts (tag as lucia dont look): alpha lucia from punishing gray raven

---------------------------------------------------

Amy

age is unknown

she/her pronouns but is flexible

notes: is a mermaid, do not talk about scorpio to her or vice versa

blog @lover-among-waves

---------------------------------------------------

Sasuke

age is 13

he/him

notes: fictive of sasuke uchiha, is in a qpr with naruto even though we dont have one but please do not show him romantic/sexual content of them, thinks of sakura as an annoying little sister so please do not show any sakura/sasuke content

discomforts (tag as sasuke dont look): itachi uchiha, death, akatsuki in general

---------------------------------------------------

Sakura

age is 13

she/her

blog is @flower-shop-sappho

notes: fictive of sakura haruno from naruto, is dating ino. she also thinks of sasuke as an older brother.

---------------------------------------------------

Ino

age is 13

she/they

notes: fictive of ino yamanaka from naruto. is dating sakura, is also mute/nonverbal so she usually has another alter say the things she wants to say

---------------------------------------------------

Naruto

age: 13

he/they and neos

tag is naruto

notes: fictive of naruto uzumaki from naruto, is in a qpr with sasuke.

---------------------------------------------------

Kaeya

age: 20

he/him but prefers to be referred to as king

blog is @pavo---ocellus

notes: fictive of kaeya from genshin impact, feel free to send him content of his source

---------------------------------------------------

Lisa

age: 25

she/they

tag: lisa tag

notes: fictive of lisa from genshin impact, protector

---------------------------------------------------

Eula

age: 22

she/her

@sspindrifting

notes: fictive of eula from genshin impact, other eula fictives do not interact with her as she is uncomfortable with doubles

---------------------------------------------------

Jean

age: 24

she/he/they

tag: dandelion

notes: fictive of jean from genshin impact

---------------------------------------------------

Albedo

age: 21

he/him

no tag yet

notes: fictive of albedo from genshin impact

---------------------------------------------------

Amber

age: 19

any pronouns

blog: @glidingchampions

notes: fictive of amber from genshin impact

---------------------------------------------------

Kujou Sara

age: 20s

she/her

notes: fictive of kujou sara from genshin, most of her memories are source so be aware of that when talking to her

---------------------------------------------------

please like post if you actually read through everything

[dirtylittlesinkrat]

bennie talks about legally blonde

okay so first things first elle's story arc is so important to me because no matter what, she's doing it for love. at first, she's doing it because shes seriously in love with warner-

but as the movie/musical progresses, she's doing it because she loves what she's doing and she loves helping brooke.

second: elle is so nice. even though vivian is a bitch at first, elle does her best to be kind to her. and even in the beginning, before elle has really done anything, david helps elle get the book off the top shelf because he knows she's a good person.

even though what david did was just a small thing, elle pays him back in a huge-ass way because she's fucking amazing and a good friend

another thing about elle is that no matter how shitty things are, she still tries to find the good in everything. she's always happy, but then when callahan tries to hit on her, she can't find the good in it. (side note: so much better from the musical makes me sad bc shes so hopeful but then you remember why callahan put her on the list and it's like...oh yeah.)

elle repays people in big ways, even if they only do small things for her. she helps people who she barely knows (i.e. the people in the hair salon & teaching them the bend & snap). she helps paulette multiple times because they're friends. hell, she even helps vivian, who's been nothing but mean to her

elle's sorority sisters are also so fucking important to me because they help her study even though they think it's a little ridiculous that she wants to go to law school.

elle proves everyone wrong. like, she really only got into harvard and onto callahans list bc shes hot, but she ended up being really fucking good at being a lawyer.

legally blonde is so, SO important because elle isnt really that smart. like, she totally pulls the perm thing out of her ass. but she's dedicated, and she puts the work in, which is fucking awesome to me because it shows that no matter how bad you are at something, if you try hard enough, you'll kick ass. elle puts the goddamn work in, and it pays off

(ALSO the movie starting with "perfect day" is so perfect bc the day is anything but that. like elle fully has the worst day of her life but the way the movie sets it up is excellent!!! its like no matter how many times i rewatch it i still convince myself that maybe something will be different this time. maybe warner will propose)

[tylerwritez]

I was hit in the head with a brick today.

Its Monday, October 18th, 11:30. Jacob didnt show, he had a busy day, so I invited my bestie Elle over and she came at around 6pm and we hung out and baked brownies. It was fun, but our brownies didn't rise cos we neglected to add baking powder. I walked them to their bus stop in the dark... I was tbh worried they would die or soemthing... in the area I live recently theres been a murder and a few rapes of young kids happening when it got dark. But in the end I left them there and headed home, and they got home safe so it turned out good. I got monster for us at around 5pm but she didnt drink hers, so I have an extra for tommorow >:D they're the strawberry lemonade rehab kind, so they're 25cals each, which isnt bad at all. I had a lot of anxiety while I was waiting for Jacob to come over... I guess because I was uncertain about how the day was going to pan out. But it improved significantly after I confirmed Elle was coming over... proabably becos I knew for certain that SOMEONE was gonna hang out w me.

See? Even days that start off depressing, with you smoking alone in the cold, can end up happy. I think the therapy session at 4pm improved my mood quite a bit though... it felt like I was hit in the head with a brick... but in a positive sense of the phrase. I I soemthing important.

You see, for as long as I've felt pain about my past, I've had this self doubt. This feeling that I was making up my pain, that I was delusional, that I was insane, that nothing bad ever happened, that if it did, I should just get over it and let the past be the past.

The thing is, obviously stuff MUST'VE happened, if even today I cry to mention it. So my feelings were validated in a sense. I realized that how I feel is valid, and REAL, and it's okay to feel this way even if everyone else has moved on. Even if those events are in the past, they still hurt me, so it DOES matter!!!

It doesnt even matter who's fault it was. I can stop worrying about that. No matter who caused it, it's my responsiblity to do work to fix it. And really,,, my parents didnt do that on purpose.

So now I just need to let go of my emotional pain!!! And stop mourning!!! And I feel like I can do that, now that I KNOW how i feel is okay!!! Sorry for the excitement. I'm just optimistic. I'm happy and i could cry from happiness to have the life I have right now. I have such a happy life on a beautiful earth with lovely music and good kind friends who care about me and like... I have a therapist??? My parents got me a therapist??? It's like people are FINALLY listening to me,,, and I dont really feel as much need to cover up my obvious illness/issues.

It was very validating to me. The therapist asked questions, which I answered as honestly and clearly as I possible could... I even mentioned my past shoplifting and current nicotine addiction, because she said the stuff there stays there.

But the most validating part is... well, I've ALWAYS felt that the way I felt emotion was not... right. Too strong, too wild, too... inappropriate. This, added on to my anger issues as a child and later, my constant grief over my past... compared to others, I mean. I always felt SOMETHING was wrong with me. I could never really quite put a finger on it. But then the therapist,,, listened to what I had to say regarding that... and after the whole session, decided that she wanted to assess me for 1 thing (ofc she didnt tell me and I didnt ask, probably because i didnt want to go into the assessment with bias of any kind) but she wants to assess me for something, discuss the results of the test, and then send me to a PHYSICIAN, like a DOCTOR, like a DOCTOR like who usually deals with PHYSICAL illness??? The word she used was "pediatrician"... but I'm a teenager LOL, not a child (the prefix pedo,pedia, means "child", for example, a PEDOphile is a child-lover... so a pediatrician is a doctor who treats children... I get what she means, but I really dont see myself as a child anymore 😅)

Anwyays, she said she wanted to send me over to like a DOCTOR to discuss this... this feeling that something was wrong with me.

This means... THIS MEANS IM BEING TAKEN SERIOUSLY!!!!! finally, someone who doesnt dismiss my ABNORMAL emotions and grief as "teenage hormones" or something of the like. I just. I'm happy that finally, people are listening to me! And taking me seriously! And caring about what I have to say regarding my feelings! And I can talk a bit more freely about this shit :) it's nice. I mean, I obviously havent reached the level of 100 PERCENT HONESTY with my parents, but I can at least still say more than I used to...

It's all falling into place yknow? I'm happy I didnt kill myself. I'm happy I pushed through to get to this moment.

I'm listening to my old vocaloid faves, and I think that's also helping boost my mood.

this, combined with the fact that I didnt grossly overeat today, makes for a pretty good day!

My therapist also said

1. Write about my grief... a letter to my parents. What I wish they would've done. And then tear up the paper and throw it out, or burn it up. I said that I'd done that already, but i felt like I could never say everything I needed to say, or even AGREE on the FACTS of the shit I was saying! But like... now I can sorta agree on the facts, since I know how I feel is valid and not fake. It's real! And I know now that if I need, I can write it out more than once!!! If I forget something, I can just write it out in addition, separately. And even if it helps me feel a LITTLE bit better, its better than nothing.

It's so easy to hold onto negative feelings. It's very hard to view things positively, or with happiness... like, okay. Happiness is clear, potable water. Sadness is dirty, gross water. Even a little bit of dirty, gross water mixed in with the clear, potable water, will spoil it all.

When you have clear water, it's easier to make it dirty than it is to make dirty water clean.

It's easier to ruin a good mood than it is to lift a bad mood, basically. So when discussing SAD things, it's hard to frame them positively, and once you start crying from sadness, it's very hard to stop crying and feeling that sadness and that PHYSICAL pain in you.

A good thing I can do is think of things I like about myself (I am adaptable and can adapt to almost any given situation, I am stylish and dress cool, I am able to face my fears (social interaction, Allioli our gecko, birds, heights) and things I'm grateful for (I live in a safe place with no war and clean water and I have food in my house and I have clothes in my closet and I have a computer and a phone and two dogs and a best friend and a few good friends actually) see? It forces your mind to, instead of looking for more bad, look for some good. Idk tho. I'm trying. I'm trying everything, because this is mostly up to me. If I really wanted to, I could ignore the therapists advice and keep being sad... but that wouldnt help me heal. Healing is hard. Healing is as much (if not more) my responsibly than anyone else's.

If I want to get better, I have to at least TRY.

One more thing... one thing that I found most helpful, more than just listing positive things, was breathing in, holding it... and then when you breathe out, making a sound to let your frustration out. And after doing this quite a bit, it feels silly, like, it feels stupid, right? So you kinda start laughing.

The best remedy to sadness is laughter, and not that sick kind of laughter you get when you realize how absurdly sad and pathetic you are... I mean REAL laughter, when something is genuinely, not ironically or post ironically but GENUINELY funny.

Maybe that should inspire my next MTG card (for art class I am painting MTG cards).

Anwyays, after that, you just, wave your arms around, wave your head around, jump even, just AAAAAA GO CRAZY AAAAA GO STUPID. let it out.

That reminded me of back when I used to have more energy more often, I would put on music and DANCE in the dark at night like a crazy person and put on musicals and shit. It is a good thing to get energy into you and get it out.

I sound. so fucking stupid right now. I'm sorry guys... I dont really feel normal right now. I'm happy for the first time in maybe a whole week, like really happy in a way that I know won't end until at least morning. And I'm not used to it. And it's making me act stupid and optimistic and dumb and like a little kid. I just feel good about this whole thing. The idea of talking to a DOCTOR, getting my dad to take me to a DOCTOR, is FUCKING SCARY but... it's a sign that I'm being taken seriously.

Soemtimes I say the wrong thing, or dont oxmmhnicate accurately. But overall it was chill, even though I couldnt really accurately communicate my level of suicidality, I'm pretty sure saying "soemtimes I want to do it but I never will and I know that feelings are temporary" is kinda the same as saying "I dont want to do it", right? Either way, I'm not about to risk having my parents told that I'm suicidal over some little communication like that. We get the IDEA. Lol.

I did sort of attempt suicide once, but I didnt go through all the way with it. I downed maybe 4-6 pills? I did take over the amount I should've, and I got a horrible stomachache (probably my liver since it was advil) but I didnt die, go to hospital, or get any sort of damage. So I think i stopped just in time to prevent real damage. I think if I had even take one more advil, I wouldve been in hospital, just because of the pain I was in. And I read online that the way you die from it is extremely painful, can take weeks, doesnt work half the time and leave you alive, but with permanent liver failure/damage and like... it just didnt seem like a good method, so I stopped.

I honestly cant even fucking believe I even considered suicide over an argument with my mom. Jesus.

See, I can't handle adults angry at me. Even in the slightest.

The mourning and grief is insane, dude.

.... maybe I WILL get that stupid doll.

No... my parents cant afford it. But if they could, maybe I'd get it. Because that stupid BOY doll is very much a partial embodiment of the things that made me upset as a child.

Shit, now I'm remembering my teacher was mad at me for wearing headphones in class and listening to music and said to take em off kinda sternly and i legit broke down crying. Wow. See? The GRIEF... I downplay it because it feels stupid to me. I was never beat or anything. So why be upset? But it's there, the pain is there. That pain is... this whole blog. "Jude" and "Jesse" and "Owen" and "Father" and all that shit.... the drawing of a child being eaten by Jesus... the deer in the forest, that's all that pain... me trying to deal with it.

I just dont get why it hurt me so bad if it was, realistically, such a small slight. I think that its some intersection of the reaosn I'm going to the doctors, and my parents shortcoming... which I DONT blame them for! I was their first child, and I came out fucked up. What were they suppsoed to do? they didnt know better.

Soemtimes it feels like it wasnt fair. Like, maybe I DESERVED parents and teachers who DID know better. I was just a child. It hurt me really badly. I ditched classes to cry in junior high.

But that's me being mean. Sure, every kid deserves the best they can get... but this is the best I could get. Simple. It's still good! I have lots of things I'm thankful for. Life cant be perfect. And I have to be thankful for my pain. It makes me a man. Ariel said that pain and discomfort makes you stronger, shapes you. Any kind of discomfort is good for the person to grow strong. I think this is especially applicable, as a boy becoming a man. You need pain, discomfort, anxiety... to become strong man. So in a sense, I am thankful for my pain, because really, what would I be without it? Another annoying blond hockey boy named Hayden or Brody or Reid... no thank you.

Man this is so cringe. I really just pulled the "not like other boys" card huh.

I'm just trying to cope, okay? It's a crazy amount of pain. I might go to the doctors!!! Soemthing is wrong. I think that's the best news I've heard all week. Soemone else believes me that somethings wrong. An adult!!!

It's really something else to be able to cry in front of adults without being guilt tripped or yelled at or getting in trouble of some sort.

I'm gonna cry for my past self now. All this talk of him, I cant help myself but cry. He was ripped apart. That child, he was destroyed.

....

I feel guilty saying that knowing that I read an article where this kid was SEVERELY abused... I saw the pictures of this kid... in the cold, shackled, beaten, starved, held in stress positions, verbally abused, made to do horrible things, splinters in his lips... I feel bad saying that I had it bad when there are kids who are actually beaten and shit. Man. I'm so cringe. Im so terrible I should kill myself. Im a fucking faggot. Jesus.

.... but I wouldnt say that to my friend.

............ idk. Idk anything.

Well... I FELT destroyed, let's just say that. I FELT defeated.

But I wasn't >:)

Idk where I'm going with this... peace out yall. I love yall, I'm bout to sleep and cry.

[anne-white-star]

Exchange student modern au jon pertwee x reader: Studying abroad

Notes: reader is a student from the netherlands she's 20 years old (jon is 24) and goes to england to studdy. She goes to frensham heights school and meets there jon pertwee as her asigned student for the year. It may not all be acurate but please enjoy reading jon lives in rowledge (this is an au and probably not completly acurate)

Words : 2488

Warnings : bullying, cursing

Y/n was working on her degree in (prefred feeld). Her year of studying concidered also of studying one year abroad, she was extremly exited about it

"Do you have everything dear?"

"I think i do don't worry mom everything will be alright"

"Alright just wanted to make sure, here is your ticket for the train"

"Thanks mom" She hugged her " once i arive i'll call alright

"Alright, take care my dear "

"Take care mom" y/n ran to the train while waving "bye!"

"Bye sweetheart!!"

The wissel went off and a few seconds later the train started to move she kept waving at her mom, once she was out sight y/n sat down it was going to be a long ride.

She had to get from the netherlands to belgium to France and then to London england but she had brought some stuff to sketch a bit the ride was about 7 u 47 min.

Y/n drew the landscape around her sketching with difrent kind of colors

Finaly after almost 8 hours the train had finaly arived, packing everything back up y/n grabed all her things and got out

She had to wait for an other train to frensham cause there was the school she had to go to

Once the train had arived to bring her to frensham y/n sat down again it was going to be about an other 2 hours oh wel she thought its better than biking everywhere.

Late that afternoon y/n finaly arived at frensham heights school the princable greated her " Ah you must be y/n y/l/n" he shook her hand

"Yes thats me" she smiled

"I hope the ride went wel here"

"Oh yes it did everything went alright and the trains were on time"

"Good, you will be staying at a room for one night and tomorow you wil go back home with one of the students he has already been informed of your stay"

"Alright great" she picked up her suit case "please show me the way" about 30 minuts later y/n was seteled in the room, she wasn't going to pack out everything also because of tomorow. She grabed her phone and dialed her mothers number

"Hey mom"

"Hey sweetheart have you arived?"

"Yes i got here about 30 minuts ago and im now in my room where i stay for the night"

"Oh for the night? I thought you would stay there for the whole year"

"I do but they informed me that i would stay with a student for the year"

"Do you know who it is?"

"Not yet they will tell me tomorow"

"Alright wel i don't have to worry about you your 20 years old dear"

"I know mom its fine really, Anyway i should be going i have class at 9 tomorow"

"Alright sweetheart sleep wel"

"Night mom" She hang up And placed the phone on the bedsite table "wel Its time to sleep" she grabed her pyjama out her lugage and put it on, then she went under the blankets and went to sleep

*time skip to 8 o'clock next morning*

Y/n got out of bed and started to dress her self breakfast was waiting then she left her room to eat

"Good morning sir"

"Ah good morning y/n did you sleep wel?"

"Oh yes i did "

"Good im glad to hear that, breakfast is waiting for you it might be difrent from what you normaly eat"

"Oh thats alright im not making a big hassle out of it as long as it is bread its fine"

"Alright then once school starts you will be inform who you wil stay with"

"Thank you, see you later sir"

*skip to 9 o'clock*

Everyone had sit down for class and y/n walked in with the teacher

"Good morning everyone we got a new class mate she is an Exchange student from the netherlands please introduce yourself" the teacher stept aside

"Hi im y/n y/l/n and i hope we will have a Nice year with echoter im really looking forward to it"

"Good miss y/l/n do you know yet who you are going to stay with this year?

"not yet im suposed to get the info today"

"Alright the student you wil be paired with is mr pertwee" the teacher pointed at a guy with big grayish blue eyes dark brown wavy hair and he was wearing a school uniform "you can sit right next to him "

"Alright thank you sir" y/n sat next to mr pertwee

"Hi my name is jon its Nice to meet you y/n "

"Like wise"

"Please grab your english books and turn to page 45"

The day went by fast

"Oh now i don't know who im going to stay with this whole year"

"Y/n You are staying with us"

"Oh... we i guese that we should get my stuff then "

"Good idea, please lead the way" jon grined

"Here is everything"

"Three suitcases and a bag i have seen girls who brought more"

"Oh wel that doesn't really mater i only brought things that i would need, and i got my school uniform today"

"Ah i see, we should go i bet my aunt is waiting for us"

"Alright lets go" They grabed everything and went out

Once they arived home they went up the stairs jon opend the door

"This will be your room for the upcoming year"

"Oh its absolutly wonderfull" she looked around on the otherside of the room stood a desk and a big closet

"The bathroom is down the hall first door on the left, i leave you be so that you can settle your stuff"

"Alright thanks jon i'll be down in an hour"

Finaly an hour later y/n was done with packing out and placing everything in the right place , then there was a knok at the door

"Yes?"

"Hey y/n I just came to tell you that dinner is ready "

"Oh thanks jon im coming with you" she stood up and followed him

Y/n sat next to him at the table "jon i have a question, um where are your parents? "

"They devorced and they don't want anything to do with me anymore so i moved in with my aunt"

"Im so sorry jon i din't know"

"Its fine y/n don't worry" he smiled softly

"Hello everybody!" Came a voice from the front door

"Hi bill, y/n This is bill my cousin"

"Nice to meet you" she shook his hand

"Like whise"

After dinner Everyone went to bed early to get a good night of sleep, the next day was going to be a long day

*time skip to four months later because im to lazy *

"What lessons do we have today ?"

"Um english, biolgy, art , music, history and french

" and Tomorow ?"

Mathematics, science, sport and geography

"Alright noted"

Once they arived at school they went to their class room

"You go in jon i need to check something"

"Alright"

"Well wel wel if it isnt the Exchange student" y/n turned around and looked at a girl and there where two more behind her , y/n knew her of course she had been there already for four months

"what do you want erica" (Im sorry if it is your name you can change it if you want)

"Oh don't try to be all smart and stuff you know what i want and don't think you get a chance with jon, he's one of the best looking boys in the school and he will be mine"

"Honestly i don't mind i only stay at his place, in 6 months i'll be going back home"

"Good because he wil never like a whore like you, now bye" she fliped her long blond hair over her shoulder and walked away while her friends followed while snikering

Y/n signed and looked down "he's just a Friend Anyway" she mumbled while walking back to class

Once she was back in class she sat down next to him "what took you so long" he wispered

"Sorry i could't find my book" it was a lie of course, y/n doesn't want to talk about the struggels she's having with erica, and stuppid enough she's in the same class as her so she always has to look at that dumb face

Y/n Her thought were stoped by what the teacher was saying "as we all know we have a ball at the end of the year and because its you guys last year here you get to decided the theme of the party"

Erica raised her hand "Oh what about a party with lots of alcohol" she grined

"No erica alcohol will not be tolareated" said the teacher

"Whats the fun then if there is no alcohol tsjk" she scold

"Sir what about an all decade event everybody can dress up from the 40s thill now, difrent food will be served and all kinds of music will be played"

"Thats a Nice idea miss y/l/n" People around the room agreed with her idea

"Tsk sounds boring" erica said and her friends agreed

Y/n got angry but calmed her self down "wel if you think its boring please come with a better idea im curious to hear it" she said with a smile, erica went quiet and turned away

"Alright then its setteled this will be the theme of our ball it will be held 6 months from now"

*skip to the end of the day*

*sigh* "im glad this day is over" y/n sat down on the coutch

"Me to" there was a pauze between them "you know y/n Im really proud of you how you handeld yourself in class

"Thanks jon"

"Are you ok?"

"Oh yes i am, im just tired" she stood up

"What Are you going to do? "

"I have to call my mom to sent some of my stuff over for the party"

"Alright im going to make dinner"

Y/n went upstairs and called her mom "hi mom"

"Hi sweetheart Hows everything going ?"

"Everything is fine ..... mom i was wondering if you could sent some stuff over here"

"Sure thing what do you need?"

Could you pack my hair curler some of my make up, my black evening dress with glitters, my 1930s evening coat, the silver high heels i bought with the dress a and the ear rings and necklace i got from grandma ?"

"Sure thing i will sent it in a big box anything ells?"

"Oh yes my trolley i have to take my stuff back home as wel so thats the best idea i guese"

"Alright i noted it i will look everything up And sent it to you"

"Thanks mom love you got to go now"

"Love you to sweetheart speek to you later"

"Bye" she hang up And went back downstairs to eat.

About a month later everything had arived that she would need to dress up

*time skip to 4 months and 20 days later*

The bulying got worse and worse, y/n had been atacked, spit on and called names but never had she imagined that jon would go to the dance with erica.

She had done her hair but stoped with everything els it just wasn't worth it she would rather stay here at home, jon already left a bit sad by the news y/n don't want to atend

*knok knok* the door opend "hey y/n?"

"Oh hi bill"

"Whats wrong"

"Jon has gone out with somone wich i din't expect him to go with"

"Who?"

"That stuppid bitch Erica"

"Really with her? Goodness i expected better from him"

"Me to" she sniffed

"Hey don't give up now there is still a chance come on get dressed chop chop"

"Are you sure I mean..."

"Yes 100% sure you are way more pretty than her come on "

"Alright if you say so.... but how am i going to get there?"

"I have a car"

"Alright give me 30 minuts" y/n started to get dressed put on her necklace, ear rings and shoes she then did her make up, she grabed her long coat and walked out.

She opend the door and heared a car horn

"Hey y/n over here" it was bill he sat in a old black vintage car "here is your ride my lady"

"Why thank you kind sir, lets go" she steped in and sat down

Bill started the car up And drove away

"Thank you so mutch for the help i really need that"

"Its nothig everything for a friend, now come on lets go i also have a date"

Everything was nicely decorated and music was playing, people were dressed up in all Difrent kind of dresses and suits, a table stood against the wall where there wer all Difrent kinds of food it looked all So good

"Look there is jon"

"Alright thanks bill" she hugged him and walked to jon who was dancing with erica, people looked at her as she walked acros the dance floor she tapped his shoulder "hey jon"

He turned around " hey y/n I thought you were going to stay home "

"Bill convinced me to go anyway so here i am" the was caught of guard by a cough from behind her

"Im sorry but jon is my date so shove it you whore"

"Excuse me what did you say?"

"You heared me"

"You know what fuck you its a wonder jon would even want to dance with you, do you even know how miserabel you made me feel this past year, you are also 19 years old you really should be more mature" She was caught of guard when erica shoved her " I get it now you are jelouse of me for staying with jon get a grip, come on jon lets dance" she took his hand and walked to a chair and placed her coat on it, then her beautyfull evening gown got revealed

People stared at her "y/n you look absolutly gorgeous"

"Thank you" she blushed

"May i have this dance "

"Of course jon"

Jon leaded y/n to the dance floor and they both started to do the walz

"Y/n i have to tell you something"

"Tell me jon what is it"

"Well i really enjoyed this year with you staying and i wish you could stay longer, but y/n Im really realy in love with you and i wish i had told you ealyer "

"I love you to jon i really do"

"May i give you a kiss?"

"Sure" she smiled softly at him, He leaned in and gave her a kiss

"Perhaps i can stay a little longer but i need to inform my parents first"

"Thats all fine with me"

"Lets hope they don't mind"

"So do i" he said smiling

And both danced the night away

The end

I hope you enjoyed reading 😊

[survivormetaverse]

Episode 1 - "I know the game will pick up eventually" ~Shaad

chile lemme not get thrown out for making all these stan twitter bitch references I'M LICHERALLY HARMLESS I DON'T MEAN MOST OF WHAT I SAY DKJFHASJKLDG

~

ngl tho i'm kinda shitting myself over these challenges bc i don't wanna get tossed on the first round JKAHFSJKDGHJ my ant eye et tea is through the ROOF

~

oh girl, first impressions? ngl, the gays and girls here seem quite lovely, hopefully they won't have to carry me the entire time LMAO

Okay like the only person I like/talked to is Jodi but she seems like a smart cookie so ima sleep with one eye open. But idk I'm ready to put on my fake ass smile and my fake ass kind words and get through this part. It's interesting with 6 people per tribe like if we lose I don't have that solid "core" yet but theres a chance that it would be me, jodi, amy because we were the first three on and active so idk. the immunity challenge is cool, the hunt challenge is cool too. im not good at timed puzzles, so I don't think I'm gonna go for it but a part of me feels like everyone across the tribes isnt gonna do it becsuse theyre scared so thats a good opportunity to sneak in and play with less people against me? idk idk idk ahhh

🎶Oh my god we're back again🎶 Hey peeps!! :DDD Here I am againnnn, how fun! Tbh I forgot this was today lowkey and Dylan reminded me and I was like oop 😳 also I am so sorry to everyone that I cannot help but sprinkle the fact that we are now dating in all of my first convos bc IM VERY GAY apologies✨ for how often I'm mentioning it I mean 😂 My tribemates seems so cool, Jennifer and Babs are newbies but seem up to the challenge, Jay A and Colin already giving off immaculate vibes✨ Me and Dyl are hosting Ingary in a month and I do have like work and everything so I don't know exaclty how active I'll be in this game/ how far I'll make it but we'll see won't we!!

not me being a leader of whateva

~

it's the lack of reading comprehension for me (that was shade directed towards myself)

In the fools tribe !!! Moth is in my tribe which is good because we have played together before. The immunity challenge is divide and conquer! So I believe I will be doing the endurance one. I think I’ll be okay... and the hunt announcement is a good twist !!! I’m not sure if I’ll participate in the first one.. but I’ll probably change my mind. ANYWAYS, I’m ready to kick some ass 

Hey guys it's me Brayden and I am so here. I'm so excited to be playing again and stuff and I have already predicted the future that I'll be the winner. Anyways I was at an award ceremony for like the first 3 hours of the game which is kind of scary bc I feel like I missed alot but I'm trying to talk to people and stuff and see what's going on. I've briefly talked to Jodi, Amy, and Ginnifer (who is so hard to talk to btw I like send her messages trying to start a real conversation and she will just respond being like same or something). Anyways the other 2 people on my tribe are offline rn so ig I missed my chance to talk to them tonight so I'll do that tomorrow. Anyways I signed up to do counting and I'm so excited bc I literally KILLED the counting challenge on Kyoshi Islands so I'm so excited to hopefully kill it again. I also decided to play the hunt challenge even though I only have 3 chances bc I'm hoping alot of people will be scared to use one of their three chances to play in the first round and I can have a better chance of winning it. But I think I'm bad at puzzles. I didn't think it through that hard I think I got excited to play a challenge but whatever I'll probably win the advantage then in a few weeks win the whole game anyways see u later.

SO its the morning after the premiere!! Everyone's settled in!! and I kinda don't know how to feel?? Overall the premiere was kinda quiet, nothing happened worth noting tbh. Everyone on the tribe showed up, so thats good, but i think we're all just feeling each other out at the moment as for the people on my tribe! everyone seems chill but also i can't put my finger on it but SOMEHOW this tribe radiates chaotic energy. I don't know HOW or WHY but I just know it DOES. The way we're interacting in the tribe chat it seems like there's a very wide range of personalities and vibes. They're either gonna complement each other or clash, and I guess we're just gonna have to wait to find out which one!!! here are my quick night 1 first impressions that no one asked for :) Anastasia - she showed up kinda late bc she had life happening, understandable. BUT she kinda just jumped right in and started vibing with everyone!! so I think she's gonna be a strong social player. I talked to her and she seems really funny, I think I might really get close with her if I'm able to talk to her more Babs - IF our tribe does end up being chaotic, it's going to be because of Babs. They're definitely the most talkative and prominent person on the tribe, but I think they might come off as messy to others. they're really funny though!! so again I can see myself wanting to work with them if I can get to know them more. They are the biggest question mark on the tribe for me currently Elle - AH. I LOVE THEM ALREADY. Within minutes of us talking they mentioned Dylan and then I found out that they're DATING and I was SCREECHING. cutest shit i've ever heard. I'm so excited to meet and play with them. Dylan is one of my fave people in the org community so ofc I wanna get to know Elle and connect with them as well!! Jay - I think Jay seems like just a very genuine open person?? Like we talked for quite a while yesterday just about games and he was asking me questions about my experience with them and all that. idk if it's because he sees me as a threat or if its because he just actually wanted to get to know me. He lowkey gives me heterosexual vibes and idk if thats true or not but idk how to bring it up. but I def wanna keep talking to him and getting to know him!! I think he might be someone I can form a genuine friendship with Jennifer - kinda have no opinion so far. I think shes the quietest on the tribe. at least for me I didn't get the chance to hear from her much. kinda gives catfish vibes. kinda gives early boot vibes. idk. we'll see what happens!

Not too much yet tbh. Just finding my footing. People are loving my energy so hopefully they’ll keep me around

So i realized Amy is runner up from the season before mine in another org and so we connected over that... of course we are not going to tell anyone else but we did have that going for us to get started. brayden is only 16 but he told me he loves magic and wanted to learn more about it so i told him id teach him some stuff! dennis and i called and connected well BUT hes kinda playing SUPER hard and wanting to throw challenges already to vote people out.. this has never worked out for anybody!! josh is cool, he works at a grocery store so he's gonna kill the "b" challenge. ginnifer has been the most MIA but i have faith that we'll work together well for the popularity contest. yall know i cant play the reverse flirt game i so badly want to coin, but i do have romance tea for yall tomorrow. stay tuned........

Jay and I talked last night so i guess we're best friends. We decided to make an alliance and try to get Elle in it. But everyone has been pretty inactive besides Jay and Collin. I've only slightly talked to Jessica this whole game and Babs hasn't even said one thing to me and I texted them hi. And apperently Babs has left Jay on opened too so they might just suck at talking right now. Hopefully Babs will talk to me they seem so funny and cool D:

I won endurance 👑!!!! Hopefully the fools tribe wins this!!!! I played against Jennifer and Dennis. I could see myself playing with Dennis down the line if we merge. I haven’t talked to anyone but Moth. So I messaged my whole tribe Introducing myself. Hopefully things work out for me! 

Thoughts after the first 24hrs: https://youtu.be/I62bDSzgf68

You hear something ??? Same. Why is my tribe so quiet 😂😂😂😂 I’m trying to read off the vibes but I see nothing. 

I really love my tribe and the fact that they don’t know I played last season is a good strategy to play on my end

tbh i wish we lost i wanted to go to tribal and vote one of these people out :(

Welp we got second place in the first challenge :| which isn't bad!! But it's not first place 😂😂. But I had a fun day taking pictures so whateverssss. I said I would be chaotic in this game but the opportunity hasn't presented itself yet... Guess we'll have to wait and see✨

I think at this point, my team is shady and won't say anything to me so I am nervous.

The challenges were way harder than I thought. I didn't do well at all and let my tribe down. I feel like I will be the first to get voted out if we have a tribal hearing.

We lost yay. I had a feeling. Hopefully the tribe will keep me around for now since I won endurance.... lhsisowjshwowpwpwheowowhfiwpqpqpjw. Jared thinks we can vote Bri out. Which I’m fine with, I haven’t really talked to her at all. Jared and I are going to message the others and see where everyone’s head is at. Honestly I don’t care who goes home as long as I’m safe. Everyone is quiet which is so annoying. Blahhhhhhhhhh 

Well it’s my 3rd time playing and it’s not off to the best start, no one seems to be talking to anyone. And we lost meaning we are going to tribal council. So fuck- I have no idea what about to happen. I’m just hoping it’s not me or Jess

if i must confess, my strategy is to have a 4-3-2 alliance. i need a 4 to have a majority, but i dont have a 4 yet. within the 4, theres a three person alliance w me jodi and amy, but within that three i believe that the core 2 is myself and jodi. i really dont care who the 4th is. i like having jodi and amy as an alliance because theyre both doing wayy too much which is great for me :) i dont think any of these people have idols but who knows. i would love to throw the next immunity i wanna go to tribal!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Looks like we’ve got something good. We’ve got an alliance that’s set to (hopefully) vote out bri due to inactivity. Let’s just pray it works

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Trying to talk in this tribe is so difficult In both my other seasons I was pretty quiet all the time It is like that x10000 I was hoping to stay under the radar but that doesn’t work if no one talks at all I suppose it depends on if I’m being played or if everyone just doesn’t talk. I think there’s a plan. Let’s hope it goes well 

OKAY SO. Moth, Jared and I have a little alliance going on. We are set on voting out Bri. I just talked to Danny and Shaad and they are down with voting Bri out. I have high hopes that I’ll be safe at tribal. 

Better communication.. in sticking with that fact, our communication in my team could be better and we need to put more effort into what we do, I believe in us!

https://youtu.be/595h7hmL6VY

The start to this game has been a freaking snails pace...it’s unbelievable to me that these people do not want to talk that much, especially when it’s a tribe of 6. Colin and I talk the most, I’ve gotten a decent amount out of Anastasia, and to me it feels like those 2 wants to work with me and I am fine with working with them. Usually in a larger group you want to figure out who you can work with long term and use the first few tribals to establish trust, I may throw that out the window since there’s only 5 other people on this tribe. My strategy needs to be who the hell can get me past these first few votes before a swap happens, and I feel like I can rely on Colin and Anastasia for that. I’d like to pull in Elle, because she’s the one who’s talked to me the most out of her, Babs, and Jennifer. Everyone seems nice, but it would be lovely if people would be more active. 

I’m enjoying the fact our tribe won the first challenge everyone is very nice I love it :)

This round has been pretty smooth sailing. I know the game will pick up eventually but for now, we are just going with the flow as a tribe

https://youtu.be/UZVzZ6d6GRU

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ok so apparently ginnifer isn't famous. she's just a bit quiet and mysterious. ok with me, just gonna take a while because I'm a loud and outspoken person (and player). amy, dennis and I have an alliance called "fang gang" (it's really just 3 emojis of vampires) and we're going to run the premerge hopefully. I do like brayden a lot, and maybe I'll propose a 3 with him, amy and myself to have a solid 4 control the votes until a swap. round 1 not bad so far!

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Edgics:

Power Rankings:

Phantom

Jodi: I believe Jodi is thriving on this tribe. She is very obviously a social player who picks up on the littlest details. I’m sure she can sniff out a plot if it comes down to it. However, Jodi is the plot. She is the leader of her tribe and is easily the most active person in the game at the moment. So long as she keeps a smile on her face and doesn’t overextend to do something messy, she will find that she will make it safely to merge. Allying with Amy could be dangerous however since Amy has stated she needs to be voted out before a certain date. This means that Jodi needs to socialize with other members of her tribe and get new allies before hers will inevitably be voted out of the game.

Amy: Even though she wants to get voted out, Amy has set herself up perfectly at Jodi’s side. She can take the heat off of herself using Jodi and is able to hide better than others. As always, her UTR game has come out to shine. She hasn’t had anyone call her out and even though Jodi has seen her play she is still able to gain her trust.

Josh: Doing so well in the challenge has earned Josh’s place here. He makes his worth known early and has a great personality as well. This makes him very safe for any early tribal councils as no one is going to want to take him out; they want him on their side. Similar to Amy, he just seems to be using an under the radar social game which he is executing well at the present moment. And, as the star of the challenge, he makes himself safe for future tribals before the swap. However, I do fear that this early impression of competition prowess will come back to haunt him if he makes it to the merge.

Dennis: I would put Dennis higher, but Jodi, his ally, already is suspicious of him. She seems to think of him as a bit of a sneak and, as the tribe leader, her opinions matter the most. It is good that he is able to be Jodi’s ally so she might stray away from voting him out. However, his desire to go to tribal and play the game so early may bite him in the butt later down the line. I can definitely see him being called out for trying to play too hard too fast. At the moment, he remains high because he seems to be decently social and no one except Jodi has sniffed him out.

Brayden: There’s not much to say on Brayden’s game. He doesn’t seem to have any allies, his challenge performance wasn’t as good as others on his tribe, and he is not in any alliances yet. This spells disaster for Brayden if his tribe goes to consecutive tribal councils. Additionally, even though he was one of the few to play in the Hunt, he didn’t win and wasn’t even close to doing so. He even gave up part way through to do the immunity challenge. I would be saving them if I were Brayden, but hindsight is 20/20. If Brayden can squeeze into being the fourth of the Jodi, Amy, Dennis alliance instead of Josh then maybe his game forecast will be better.

Ginnifer: The thing that lands Ginnifer on the bottom is that she said that her tribe could vote her out if they lost the challenge. This primes people to already be willing to get rid of her in this game. Additionally, some people have expressed difficulty with talking to Ginny such as Jodi and Amy. The former still wants to give Ginny a try at being an ally while the latter was ready to vote her out if necessary. Ginny just needs to pick up social steam and outperform in the next comp if she’s going to have longevity in this game.

Fools

Jessica: In lieu of a clear leader, Jessica has stepped up as she started the first alliance on her tribe with Moth and Jared. No doubt, Jessica’s prior relationship with Moth helped facilitate. Additionally, this seems to paint them as the “active” members of this not active tribe. Therefore, it will be very easy for Jessica to dictate votes without getting labelled as a threat since her tribe is not active enough to do so. I can definitely see her leaning on Moth as a crutch, but for now she is the topdog of her tribe. Especially so since she was the only member of her tribe to win a challenge in Divide and Conquer.

Moth: As Jessica’s right-hand person, Moth is a secure spot. It also helped that they have played this game before and is on a not active tribe. This vibes well with Moth’s gameplay style since they aren’t a social powerhouse like Jodi or Colin. Instead, she keeps it more lowkey which makes this tribe in particular a great tribe for her to thrive in.

Jared: While he hasn’t provided a confessional yet, it’s clear he’s positioned himself well with Moth and Jessica. As the topdogs of the tribe, they are key people to get in with. Besides that, he seems to be a little more active than some others, but there’s not much else to say as of right now.

Danny/Shaad: Him and Shaad can trade spots on this ranking because they are playing similar games at the moment. They are both quiet and inactive, yet are not part of the core alliance of this tribe. This could spell danger for them in upcoming tribal councils if they don’t start working on people now. They seem to be safe for now based solely on Bri’s inactivity, but, otherwise, they need to pick up their socio-strategic game before it is too late.

Bri: She seems to be the most likely person to get voted out. She was not online at all for the first two days of the game and has since remained inactive. She is easy pickings for the top 3 of this tribe which really hurts my heart. I know her in real life and she is very sociable and easy to get along with. I have no doubt that in a real life game of Survivor or Big Brother, she would kill the social game.

S.E.E.S.

Colin: Similar to Jodi, Colin is the most social person on his tribe at the moment. However, unlike Jodi, he has not taken a leader position which works to his benefit. Despite being social, Colin has been able to slip under the radar of most people with a lot of them wanting to work with him. Colin is easily going to survive until the swap, but I will caution him from getting too many allies too quickly. This tribe in particular has a wildcard willing to blow things like that up so he needs to be careful.

Elle: Similar to her previous games, Elle plays an extraordinary social game and becomes very well-liked very easily. They have no problem fitting into any situation and I foresee them making it far if they gain the right allies. What puts her at number 2 as opposed to number 1 is that she hasn’t made any strategic comments yet. Instead, she is focusing on a social game which is not a bad thing. Colin has just shown more of his gameplay in these rounds.

Anastasia: Anastasia, despite being late to the premiere, has been able to socialize with key people such as Colin and Jay. Her prior connection with Elle has also sparked an interest in Colin in working with the two of them as an alliance. Overall, her and Elle sort of share the 2 and 3 spot since they are both well-liked, did well in the challenge, and are prime allies for Colin whose word will feel like law if this tribe ever goes to tribal.

Jay: Jay is neither here nor there. He isn’t in the bottom, but he is not calling the shots either. It is good that Colin wants him as his number 1 and that Anastasia likes him. Out of the three outside of this potential Elle, Colin, Anastasia alliance, he seems like he will be most likely to be saved until a swap occurs. His calls with people have certainly been helping with that as people are able to bond more with him through there. His activity could use work, but he doesn’t need to be active if he’s liked.

Babs: With another Jodi comparison, Babs has taken the leadership position of their tribe. However, they are not as social and, in fact, considered a big threat since they are so willing to talk freely and openly in the tribe chat. Their gameplay is going to be Messy, and people have already pointed that out, making them a clear target if this tribe goes to tribal council. Despite that, they aren’t at the bottom since some people, like Colin, have expressed interest in working with that kind of player as a sort of shield. If Babs were to tone it down and be more social with people (another problem with their game), they may be able to crawl up these rankings.

Jennifer: Sadly I have to put another phonetic Jennifer at the bottom. She did the worst in the challenge across her tribe and isn’t active either. For this round, it seems she would be the easy vote if this tribe had gone to tribal. She needs to start being more social and be more of a presence in people’s minds.