#she is really so deranged the best possible ending for her is to take all that energy and focus it on herself not someone else 😭

[swordmaid]

which is also why I think - in a vengeance shri’iia au where she ends up as astarion’s spawn and he inevitably gets tired of her bc he has all the power in the world and he can have anything and anyone he wants and everything is his for the taking - when she inevitably turns from his ‘eternal lover’ to just his ‘first spawn’ - she will be sooo amy gone girl about it.

like she’s devoting her oath and her entire life to him, he doesn’t get to change that. he’s not allowed to change even. she will do everything in her power and she will even set fire to them both if he tried to change. like he’s making a mistake that she’s rectifying! she lives to serve, and if he doesn’t want her servitude that means there’s something that’s not right and she will personally correct that. like he doesn’t need to worry about anything ofc - worrying doesn’t look good on him let her fix what needs to be fixed. she is such a good lover after all. it doesn’t compute to her that she’s going to be replaced. like it literally doesn’t make sense, not when he promised her eternity. so when he starts looking at someone else, when he starts to favor someone else and lavish them with his attentions and praise she will get rid of them because he’s getting distracted! and he doesn’t need distractions! and when he gets mad at her she will forgive his transgressions and soothe that anger away - he doesn’t need anymore wrinkles. and she will know about every little lie he says and hold them close to her chest then recite it back to him when she gets rid of another one of his new favourites. and when he tries to kill her she’ll do the same thinking it’s some game or courtship - this is how it was back in menzoberranzan after all! the fact that he was willing to learn her traditional courtship is so sweet 🥰. and maybe she’ll scare him even, so he can learn what fear is again. it’s a good kind of fear bc she’s showing what kind of person she could be so it would be dumb of him to throw her away.

but the thing is! she’s operating out of love and devotion! and they have eternity together! and there’s something sooo sicko yes about how ascended astarion’s first spawn - his first creation - being something that he will eventually resent and fears. bc it would be so much easier if she hated him like how he hated cazador. but she doesn’t. she’s deranged and in love and so obsessive about that love to the point where it literally can not be changed - and he can’t change it or manipulate it. what was once useful to him became a detriment. their love turning so sick and rotten, like a leftover apple, and she becomes a nuisance that he can’t get rid of, and he’s stuck with that nuisance for eternity. he eventually realises what a mistake it was seducing her back then when they had those tadpoles in their heads, when they had that strange freedom. like if he knew things would turn out like this, and she was actually this kind of person, maybe he would’ve done things differently but instead he’s stuck with her for eternity.

and I do think he’ll try to kill her lmfao I mean he’s a vampire lord and she’s just a fucking spawn so he’ll get rid of her once he gets bored and annoyed, but she thinks it’s some game between them so she’ll try to get him too - not kill him ofc but just close enough to scare him and remind him that she does bite even before the vampire teeth. I mean before him, she was literally a drow high priestess’/matron mother’s trained hound.

anyway I really love the idea of them being miserable with each other lmfaoo and I think she will be so miserable as a spawn actually and the moment when she potentially gets replaced something is gonna break inside of her bc it’ll just like before when she broke her oath. but she won’t be that bewildered and confused girl again, nope. she’s not going to accept it this time, she refuses! she doesn’t get to be the only miserable one, he doesn’t get to win..!!!

[bwat5-blog]

The Enforcer

**Spoilers For All Of Arcane **

"Traitor!"

"Bootlicker!"

"All for a girl she's known for a few days!"

"ACAB! COPAGANDA!"

As with everything in this show, there are plenty of loud, click-bait takes on this part of Vi's story. And people are certainly entitled to them. But I just don't get it. You are taking what is such a conflicting and important moment for this character and dumbing it down into a hash-tag, rather than letting yourself really think about the story they are trying to tell. If all you are after when you consume media is an excuse to throw buzzwords around, reality TV is probably more your speed. Just for a moment lets try to consider the different dimensions of what Vi is dealing with in this situation.

Vi is caught between her little sister who she no longer recognizes, the woman she loves who is being consumed by grief and rage, her identity as a daughter of Zaun, and her own feelings.

She can't see her little sister in Jinx, only the violent and deranged terrorist who abducted Caitlyn and tried to convince Vi to murder her. But she loves her, and is crumbling under the guilt of who she has become. She is watching Caitlyn sink deeper and deeper beneath the waves of her grief and anger with each passing day, the same Caitlyn who once saved Vi's life and stood up for the Undercity in front of the Council themselves. Vi hates the Enforcers for what they have done to her and her people but it's the only way she can stay be Caitlyn's side, and be present for Piltover's hunt for Jinx, however it ends. Not to mention the fact that even though they are destroying the Chem Barons, and Shimmer, both of which are unquestionably negative forces in Zaun, for wearing the uniform at all Vi has to know her own people will look at her like a traitor, no matter how much good she does for them.

I have written about and analyzed the use of The Grey from every angle I can think of. I'm absolutely not breaking it all down again here in depth. For a few quick points:

There is absolutely zero evidence that exposure in the way they use it is fatal or even harmful long term.

Amanda Overton confirmed their strikes were strategic to a pinpoint.

Jinx is a terrorist who likes to blow things up and Vi confirms they used it to clear the streets and keep people safe. The logic is clear.

Every Chem Baron foot soldier on their knees coughing rather than shooting is a life saved on either side

The alternative to the strike team was a full invasion of hex-tech wielding Enforcers not a five-person strike team travelling mostly in the vent systems and only emerging to fight when necessary.

Ekko was in Zaun when they were. If you think he would have been hanging out with Heimerdinger playing with bubbles and chilling while they were doing something truly terrible to the Undercity, I urge you. WATCH THE SHOW BEFORE YOU TALK ABOUT IT.

All that being said, I am not ignorant of the fact that Zaun has suffered lifetimes due to the pollution caused by Piltover's practices, including their air before the Kiramman vent system was created. So I'm sure Vi IS extremely conflicted. But maybe, just maybe, its time consider the possibility that the reason "her fascist ass girlfriend gasses a city and she doesn't care" is because Vi knows they are making the best they can out of a HORRENDOUS situation. (and Caitlyn isn't a fascist and didn't gas a whole city but I get that isn't what we are doing here).

This is not about trying to convince you they were right to do what they did, or wrong. It is not to convince you to love Vi or Caitlyn. It is simply to say that the heart of a story is in it's characters. Continue to dumb-down, brush off, reduce, generalize, and smash these characters into small easily digestible pieces you can analyze in the time it takes to tie your shoes, and you will only cheat yourself out of the full experience stories like this can bring. They do mean something. They matter. Even if we like to pretend they don't anymore.

As always thank you for reading. Anyone who takes the time to do so is more appreciated than you can know. Feel free to leave your thoughts if you choose as well! And keep standing up for stories that matter.

See yall next time.

[waitmyturtles]

Love In The Big City: An Homage to the Best Queer Show I Watched This Year*

(*that actually aired this year, because I watch a lot of old shows.)

(TW: suicide attempt)

The time I spent reading the novel and watching the television drama series of Love In The Big City by Park Sang-Young was some of the very best time I invested in art this year.

(credit: @/khunkinn)

I wanted to try to keep up with the amazing LITBC Book Club (click the tag below to see all the club's meta!) earlier this year, but I couldn't on my mom schedule. So here's a wrap-up homage to my overall thoughts about this amazing book and its equally amazing drama adaptation, and hopefully I won't repeat anyone's points from earlier meta.

Earlier this fall season, as the drama was just released, I noted my overall thoughts on Park Sang-Young's 2021 novel. What's so great about the moment in time when a book and its drama adaptation meet the same levels of excellence in art, is that you get to see what each artistic medium can really offer by way of its specific ability to penetrate and dissect certain emotional states. With the drama adaptation, we got a more in-depth sense of the visual and behavioral whimsy of Go Young's T-aras friend group. We got a living, breathing sense of the simultaneous quiet and frantic pulse of the Seoul that Young occupied. We could almost taste and smell the sweat, the tequila, the apple martinis of the nightclubs that Young danced in at all hours.

I happened to love the novel, as I wrote in my previous piece linked above, because I love to cringe at really well-written, pathetic narrators. Like Proust's narrator, like Karl Ove Knausgard in his hefty autobiographical series, "My Struggle," you can read the internal musings of these narrators, and you squirm and cringe, being all like.... "really, bro? I know I have trouble getting it together -- emotionally, physically, sexually, everything -- but, dude, YOU are taking the CAKE."

The reason for the squirm is because excellently-written narrators like Proust's narrator, like Knausgard himself (okay, we can argue about "excellently written," but that's for another piece), are emotional pathologists, dissecting every minute whim of a feeling into words, cutting words that account for every last iota of mental anguish that these narrators feel at every given moment.

It's a brutal accountability test for us readers to weather. And, of course, as the very best art does -- it forces us, the readers, to face our own recognition of the kinds of emotions these narrators are detailing, and asks us to relate to them, vis à vis how we ourselves understand these emotions. Thus, a resulting squirm and cringe, as we reckon with our own emotional accountability in that very moment.

I had so many of these wonderful moments when I was reading the novel version of Love In The Big City. Go Young was so cringe. So pathetic.

(credit: @/my-rose-tinted-glasses)

And while the novel delved brutally into the reasons WHY Go Young was so pathetic and cringe, I enjoyed the drama's ability to sensually and holistically take me into that WHY place as well.

For me, Go Young's journey into the adulthood he ends up in begins with the intergenerational trauma and the avoidant attachment he must have with his mother. I say "must" because he's all she's got, and Go Young, to his misfortune, knows this, and must deal with it, and with her.

This is despite her utterly rejecting his identity, his sexuality, and forcing him at a young age to face conversion therapy in as abusive a situation as possible, literally being kidnapped into the therapy. We know from the novel that his therapists end up realizing that his sexuality is not his "issue," and that the "issue" is his actually deranged, Christian-devoted mother.

The drama doesn't get into that level of details. I will absolutely estimate that it COULDN'T get into that level of detail due to potential censorship, and the portrayed meaning of such a comparison as to show a devout Christian mother as a neglectful, bigoted mother.

But what the drama showed me, in real time, were the spontaneous movements and moments that punctuated Young's life, that were totally derived from the low self-esteem, the lack of internal love and respect he had for himself for most of the series. The emptiness, the lack of BELIEF that he had in himself, that stemmed from the refusal of his mother to accept him lovingly and holistically. I'd recommend LITBC to any potential parent as a guide on how to NOT parent your kid.

As someone trained in the social services, and as a steadfast lover of intergenerational trauma in shows -- and how dramas demonstrate the long-term impact of intergeneration trauma unto their characters -- Love In The Big City is utterly SUPERLATIVE in this category.

And this kind of neglect that young queer people so very often face in their families NEEDS to be depicted in art, so that we can see the risks of what these young people could, and will, grow up to be, without nurturing love in their life.

So. Man. Go Young goes fucking ham on fucking hipster doofus Yeong Su in a restaurant. Yeong Su, who himself deals with a kind of internalized homophobia that results in him producing bigoted "research" on homosexuality. And Go Young, unconsciously hoping that he could find love with a most unlovable man, subsequently attempts suicide.

Go Young breaks up with Gyu Ho minutes before Gyu Ho is to depart to China. I saw that moment as Go Young "releasing" Gyu Ho from the burden that Go Young assumes himself to be -- emotional baggage, Kylie, and all.

Go Young cavorts with Habibi, a man escaping just about everything by way of luxury hotels and unfulfilling work. After his real relationship with Gyu Ho, Go Young follows Habibi on Habibi's orders, having little to no agency in the coupling until the absolute end, as he leaves Habibi with a note. Habibi, who himself is also a subject of clear internalized homophobia, another example of the absolute wrath that social bigotry can lay waste on a queer individual.

Love In The Big City balanced these brutal moments of internalized trauma, bigotry, and homophobia with LIFE as it could be lived: life spent working, writing, drinking, partying, sucking dick and moving mattresses, catching up with old friends, supporting engagements, comforting friends after break-ups, BEING PRESENT for yourself and your family and your friends.

There was a shift of growth and responsibility in Go Young's life when his cancer-addled mother sank her head down on his lap in the sunlight of a park at the end of the second chapter of the drama. But what was so OUTSTANDING about the drama version of Love In The Big City, is that the drama didn't assume that that shift would be a great dramatic moment. Go Young certainly got into a relationship with Gyu Ho afterwards.... but he damn fucked it up at the end.

AND IT WAS OKAY. Even though we viewers were fucking heartbroken, IT WAS OKAY....

... because I believe Love In The Big City was communicating to us that it's perfectly okay to stumble in one's continued growth, in the movement forward of one's life. Go Young gets a new apartment, new light in his windows and his life, and celebrates the move (and the end of Eun Su's engagement) on his rooftop with his besties.

The novel ends a bit more brutally than the drama. In the drama, we do very much get to see Go Young doing a moving-forward thing. I was screaming and pacing at @lurkingshan when I finished the novel, and I felt slightly more uplifted when I watched the drama.

I love that I felt those two ways about my experience with each medium. Again, it shows what I GOT from the experience of reading and watching this story separately. And the drama very much played up the T-aras group more for kicks and lights (especially in the hospital), but I still got such a brutal sense of Go Young's internal mishegoss, that maybe I needed those gworls, too, the way Go Young always did.

The other best queer show that I watched this year did not actually air this year. That one is 2022's The Miracle of Teddy Bear from Thailand, which I will review soon for my Thai QL Old GMMTV Challenge project. The Miracle of Teddy Bear was rooted in anger and accountability against parents, adults, and society, for the wreckage that bigotry and abuse can render, internally and externally, on the bodies and minds of young queer people. It was an utterly exacting exercise in a brutal breakdown of queer pain.

Love In The Big City, in comparison, was a visual meditation on the mundanity of an individual's life -- depicting all the cringe and the pain associated with it -- vis à vis broken and incomplete love from family and lovers. But Love In The Big City also had LIFE, LIFE LIVED, woven through it all. Go Young kept clubbing with his friends, because he needed it, because he needed his friends, because his FRIENDS needed the club, and because his friends needed HIM.

While I felt a broken heart for his relationship with Gyu Ho at the end of the drama, what I had for Go Young was hope -- a hope that, while I knew the man, in fiction, would still experience hurt while moving forward, would still very much move forward nonetheless, on his own accord.

(credit: @/khunkinn)

(tagging @neuroticbookworm for awareness <3)

[b1ackgh0st]

Writing as many HCs for Trolls characters as humanly possible!

Starting off strong with the Snack Pack + Poppy & Branch!

♡Poppy♡

She was a later bloomer. Most (pop) trolls have a little bit of tit, but she was flat as Branch's voice at the beginning of the first movie.

Had a toxic best friend at one point. Nobody liked Poppy when she was young, but as soon as she became an adult, she was mote liked than anyone else.

Prefers black coffee over any other kind

Her favorite flavour is strawberry!

Even though she likes almost any flavour, any candy she has that's lemon or watermelon she gives to Branch because he is very addicted.

Speaking of which, she can't stomach spicy food at all and tends to projectile vomit.

Gets sick pretty easily, but won't admit it.

No one knows how she does it, but she can appear almost instantly. Whether it's in Branch's room at midnight or behind anyone in a crowded area, it's alarming.

Not physically violent.

However...

Poppy is deranged AF!

She will verbally and mentally threaten people... and lord it's probably scary.

Too much of a morning person

By that, I mean she wakes up at around 3 am everyday after falling asleep at around 7 pm and starts her daily routine.

Refuses to wear make-up

Has never had acne or anything similar

Most Pop Trolls, Poppy included, have extream hair growth. She has to shave her legs daily.

Has literally no skincare routine

Unfortunately, she has to make her own shampoo because anything she can find in shops doesn't work and just causes dead ends and very greasy hair.

Very fidgety ADHD-er

□Branch□

Branch has the most excessive skincare routine ever

Wears A LOT of makeup to hide scars and stuff

Breaks out really easily

Autistic! Not Yay!

Or maybe it is Yay

Anyways, he had problems with bright lights, loud sounds, being close to other people, some kinds fo texture, and some scents

Has around seventy homemade candles around the bunker, all scented slightly different.

Most of them smell like citrus

Sucks at making coffee at home, therefore his coffee orders are pretty specific.

Despite going back onto society, he's still a feral troll.

Which means that, while pop trolls are omnivores who need lots of plants and sweets in their diet, Branch's diet is almost exclusively meat, sweets, and breads.

Has bitten Poppy before. (It was an accident, I promise. No trolls were harmed.)

While he may not overreact on safty stuff or the Bergens anymore, he' started overreacting to everything else.

Oh, Guy tripped and scraped his knee? GET HIM TO THE DOCTOR HE'S DYING!

Mr. Dinkles is lost again? HE COULD BE ANYWHERE WE'LL NEVER MIND HIM!

Yeah.

Insomniac, unfortunately.

Biggie!!

Eats bugs. (Small stuff like ants)

Also kind of deranged.

Or he had some undiagnosed mental stuff

Prefers tea

Also has ADHD

I ddont really have much since he's pretty perfect when it comes to the movies and his character-

SMIDGE

Oldest in the gang, actually

She's thirty-eight, and witness Poppy hatching UP CLOSE

Poppy kind of sees her as a mother figure, mostly because Poppy never had a mother.

Smidge tried to have a kid once (yes, it was Milton's.), but it was a miscarriage

Her short stature and abnormal strength is actually a very rare genetic phenomenon

She used to have a really smooth, "feminine" voice,but after years of working out and screaming at the top of her lungs, her voice is scratchy now

Wants to do speech therapy to try and get her old voice back, but... well, Pop Village doesn't have stuff like that.

Has low self-esteem

Has been married to Milton for about a year (By the end of TBT)

Only drinks energy drinks, always Cherry flavour. (Or something similar)

Just a little crazy, but aren't we all?

The reason she's so close to Poppy is because right before the tunnel thing to get away from the Bergens, she worked with Peppy.

Won't continue with that.

Enjoys playfully bullying Suki because she's the only one who doesn't take it seriously.

Guy Diamond ◇

Oh man

Did NOT get enough attention as a kid

His parents were either too busy, and were both taken while running through the tunnels

Sky Toronto (From TBGO and Trollstopia) is his uncle, but neither of them know that

The only clothes he'd ever wear would be a scarf and leg warmers, maybe gloves.

Either he just dislikes it or he's genuinely afraid of it, he won't drink alcohol.

Secretly likes to eat things that aren't really edible

Also, scroll past this if you wanna because imma explain how it's not awkward that the glitter trolls are almost all naked.

So, since Glitter trolls are a subspecies, one which probably derived from a tribe long ago, their anatomy is a little different

They have protective slits that hide their genitals until needed

Essentially, the glitter trolls that have dicks.. their disks are hidden kn that slit, and will start to come out when said glitter troll is aroused.

For the one that don't, the slit will just start to open on it's own

Having a cock or not doesn't decide the gender of a Pop Troll, BTW!!

Cooper & Darnell

Darnell yassified him.

He ended up with silver tattoos on one arm, multiple silver bracelets, necklaces, and earrings, and silver dread cuffs

C & D spend a lot of time together

C had a hard time deciding, but ultimately chose to stay woth the Funk Tribe and his family rather than with the Pop Trolls

He stolll visits them <3

I'll make more later, dw.

[unopenablebox]

terrible news for you all i've been kind of stressed out lately and as a result im back to reading about horse crime. so here's a quick review of every dick francis book ive read in the last 2 weeks. [edit actually this is only part 1 because i got tired after typing up four reviews.]

the edge - an extraordinarily wealthy man who doesn't use his wealth instead works as a Racecourse Detective solving horse crime. he goes double undercover first as himself, but Wealthily, and then immediately afterward as an actor pretending to be a waiter, in order to sneak onto a canadian horseracing millionaire murder mystery train and catch a blackmailer who takes people's horses. an excellent read that really delivers on its utterly deranged promises. plot not actually that suspenseful but i was having so much fun i didn't care. 5/5

romantic subplot/misogyny subrating: classic dick francis woman type 1, "older woman with strong character", present as a couple of different people but not nearly as centrally or strongly drawn as usual. meanwhile type 2, "romantic interest", is much more believably career-oriented and on-page competent than usual, having possibly absorbed the older women archetypes' life force. flirtation not actually that interesting though. 3.5/5

straight - jockey's brother he barely knew dies and turns out to have been a genius jeweler with an unfathomable collection of whimsical gadgets. jockey inherits all of brother's worldly goods, which apparently include $1.5 million of secret diamonds no one's ever heard about previously and no one knows how to find. plot resolution vaguely disappointing if you think about it too much but very fun in the moment and i love the cast of the Jewelry World 4/5

romantic subplot/misogyny subrating: strong-minded older woman is the love interest here; she's interesting and fun and has a weapon and i really enjoy how much the book completely endorses all the adultery she's doing. also we get an unusual young non-love-interest here in the person of the puzzle-loving jewelry business secretary who the protagonist helps to self-actualize and learn a new career. loved her. 5/5

hot money - jockey son reconciles with estranged father after possible assassination attempt, forcing him to also come into contact with his estranged stepsiblings and his father's several ex-wives. in the course of investigating all of them for murder he becomes much more engaged with and empathetic about their lives, and also almost gets exploded. good fun. i mostly really enjoy a) protagonist's mean bridge champion mother b) the father's instant adoption of his son's love of horses the second the concept of a horse is presented to him 3.5/5

romantic subplot/misogyny subrating: lots of women, lots of them very interesting and with various sympathetic or unsympathetic things going on. i don't think this one had romance in it but if it did it was too boring to be remembered. various things about the ending make me waver on the rating but i'll settle on 4/5

the danger - professional kidnapping consultant realizes recent kidnappings are connected-- by a single thread. a horse thread. this one was kind of weirdly paced but i actually think it's some of the best suspense/action scenes from francis, partly because this guy has better reason than most dick francis protagonists to think it's a good idea for him to do any of the things he does. final plot contrivance leaving to climatic peril only slightly irritating. loses points for unconvincing Cop Shit which is not francis's strength. also for the romance, see below. 2/5

romantic subplot/misogyny subrating: oh my fucking god uhhh sexual harrassment cw??? kind of???? he rescues a woman from two weeks of captivity with kidnappers, has to dress her because the kidnappers tranquilized her and took her clothes, notes that she looks fragile and physically adolescent even though she's an adult and later thinks about how hot she looked while unconscious and naked. then he follows her around a bunch because she's clearly emotionally dependent on him due to his status as a trained professional in kidnapping recovery, explicitly in a role that is a substitute for a psychiatrist, and it is in this capacity that he starts just suddenly kissing her and shit. the rest of his advice to her and the people around her as she recovers is quite empathetic and thoughtful but it's all kind of undermined by the fact that he thinks pursuing her romantically in this context is fine somehow???? aaaaaaaahhhhhh 0/5 fuck this book

ive actually read many more than this but we can call this post part 1 because it's too long

[rainbow-rebellion]

Supercorptober Day 21: "Lavender"

Read on A03 instead

Lena stands in the hallway playing nervously with the key in her hands. A key she’s surprised she still has. She's stood in front of this exact door a hundred (a thousand?) times, used the key to let herself in at least a few dozen times, probably more - yet here she was, unable to force herself to turn the knob. She’s not really sure how long she stands there, but at some point, she finally takes a deep breath to steady herself, squares her shoulders, and lets herself into Kara’s apartment. 

It hurts more than she expected it to, being back here. The last time she was in this apartment Lena had come to tell Kara she was wrong about Non Nocere, to ask for forgiveness - and then ended up with Alex’s gun pointed at her head. It’s not exactly a fond memory. Before that, it had been nearly half a year, back when Lena still came over for movie nights and cuddles on the couch. Before Lena found out about Kara’s secret identity in the worst possible way and everything went to shit. 

And now Kara is gone. The apartment is quiet and achingly empty without the joyful sound of her laughter to fill it up. It’s been three days since Lena’s deranged half-brother sent Kara to the phantom zone - fucking Lex - and the super friends still have no idea how to rescue her. Lena’s not sure Kara would even want her here, with their friendship still on rocky terms, but she just needed something , some kind of connection, some reminder to keep her from giving up hope. 

The apartment hasn’t changed all that much from what Lena remembers, at least as far as she can tell. She walks slowly around the space, taking in all the details she’s seen so many times before, but that suddenly carry so much more weight now because the details are so uniquely Kara. The fluffy blankets on the couch. A blue coffee mug on the kitchen counter with a red supergirl logo and yellow writing that says “Have a SUPER day!” (a gift from Nia), and another mug next to it covered in a pattern of brightly colored donuts. The easel in the corner with some of Kara’s paintings propped against the legs and her box of painting supplies next to it. The assortment of different sized picture frames scattered throughout the spacious loft on various tables and shelves, filled with smiling photos of Kara’s family and friends. Lena stops short when she realizes the picture of her and Kara together is gone from the shelf where it used to sit. It shouldn’t surprise her, after all the hurt she caused, but it still stings - more than it should, considering Lena smashed her own framed picture of them with a whiskey glass. She squeezes her eyes shut and forces herself to swallow the lump forming in her throat. 

For whatever reason, Lena decides to wander past the partition into the space Kara uses as her bedroom, running her hand over the familiar blue and green patterned comforter on Kara’s bed. When she glances at the bedside table, she feels her heart stop. Kara didn’t get rid of the picture of her and Lena - it’s right there, on the table next to her bed. Right where she would see it every morning and every night. But why? Why would she want to look at that after everything? 

It’s all of a sudden too much for Lena, and she sinks down heavily on the edge of the bed. She can’t stop the hiccuping sob that claws its way out of her chest or the tears gathering in the corners of her eyes, so she grabs one of Kara’s pillows and squeezes it to her body as tight as she can. As she does, her nose tingles with the lingering scent of lavender and vanilla. Kara. Years of being best friends (years of being in love with her best friend), Lena knows that scent, one she used to breathe in and try to memorize every time she and Kara shared a hug or snuggled up on the couch together.

She’d give anything to hug Kara again. 

The sharp pang of her anguish cuts into her like a knife twisting in her stomach, and suddenly she feels like she is drowning under a tidal wave of emotions. She clutches desperately at Kara’s pillow and rocks herself back and forth, while she cries deep gasping sobs that feel like they are being ripped from her lungs. Her eyes burn from the hot tears that are now streaming relentlessly down her face, dripping onto the pillow and sliding down her neck to soak the collar of her shirt. Once again, she feels like her heart is being cracked open, but this, this is infinitely more painful. This isn’t just some fight between friends, this is her possibly losing Kara forever. She doesn’t think she can live with that possibility. 

“I’m so sorry Kara.” Lena chokes out between labored breaths. “I’m so so sorry. This is all my fault. I promise I’ll find a way to bring you home. I promise.” Her voice cracks on the last words, her throat so raw she can barely speak above a whisper. 

Lena cries until exhaustion wins out, until her body hurts as much as her heart, and she has no more tears left to cry. When her breathing finally returns to normal, she decides it’s time to pull herself together and go back to her own apartment. She can’t stay here any longer, it’s just too painful of a reminder of Kara’s absence, and Lena needs to be focused if she’s going to help the team find their missing friend. She breathes in one more deep breath of the lavender and vanilla scented pillow, trying to commit the smell to memory before she leaves. 

She’s about to walk out the door when she stops herself. She turns around and walks back to the couch, where she picks up one of the fluffy blankets Kara always keeps there. One they used to share, with popcorn, and chinese takeout, and hot chocolate, and stories about their respective days. One that still smells like Kara. She takes it with her so she can have just one little piece of Kara to hold onto, a reminder of what she used to have, of who she is still fighting for. 

———

When Lena gets back to her penthouse, she carefully removes the picture of her and Kara from the broken frame and puts it in a new one. She falls asleep with Kara’s blanket wrapped around her and the picture clutched to her chest. 

———

Lena returns to Kara’s loft a week later when the blanket finally loses its scent. Kara is still gone, and the apartment is still too quiet and lifeless. Lena’s heart still feels like it’s been hacked open by a dull axe.

She lets herself curl up on the couch for a moment, finding the other blanket she had left here last time and pulling it tightly around her, breathing in the familiar smell. She imagines Kara cozying up on the couch next to her, socked feet tucked under her legs, her head resting on Lena’s shoulder, blonde hair tickling her neck. She thinks about all the times she wished their cuddling would turn into something more, how she wished she could have had the courage to tell Kara how she felt. 

“Kara…” she pleads to the void. “Please come back Kara. I’m so sorry. For everything. I miss you so much.” 

“Please… I love you.”

The blanket is wet with tears when the whispered confession floats away into the silence of the empty apartment. 

———

Lena ends up staying at Kara’s apartment. She told herself it would be too painful, but it turns out her crippling misery was determined to follow her no matter where she went. So she surrenders, and just lets herself be surrounded by everything Kara. It hurts, but there are also happy memories here, ones Lena wants to hold close to her heart for as long as possible. 

———

Another week and a half drags by, and then by some miracle, the super friends are finally able to rescue Kara from the phantom zone (with help from Lena’s yellow sun grenades, which she is very proud of, as she should be). When Kara stumbles onto the ship and collapses into her sister’s arms, everyone can tell that she is physically and emotionally drained. There’s no time for pleasantries or conversation - Kara needs to be taken as quickly as possible to the med bay for a full exam and to get her onto a yellow sun bed so her body can begin to heal. 

It’s two full days later when Kara is finally recovered enough for the super friends to throw her a welcome back party at the Tower. Meanwhile, Lena’s anxiety is at an all-time high. Her and Kara’s friendship was in a shaky place when everything went down with Lex, and Lena doesn’t know if Kara blames her for what happened. She doesn’t know what Kara may have experienced in the phantom zone and how that might affect her. Trauma does strange things to people, Lena knows that from firsthand experience. Is Kara even the same person anymore? Will Kara still want Lena in her life? 

The first positive sign is that when Kara enters the common room to the sight of donuts, flowers, balloons, and her friends and family gathered around, her face immediately breaks out into a genuine Kara Danvers smile, all full of white teeth, dimples on display and eyes crinkling at the corners. She still seems a bit tired and perhaps a little more reserved than usual, but otherwise very much still herself, and everyone breathes a collective sigh of relief. 

Kara works her way around the room exchanging hugs, each team member expressing their joy at having her back, and Kara expressing her own joy and gratitude in return. Lena is the last one left, and she feels her heart flutter and her throat go dry when Kara’s eyes meet hers. The superhero nods her head towards Lena with a fond smile and her arms open wide, and it takes all of Lena’s willpower to force herself to walk when all she wants to do is run at full speed into Kara’s warm embrace. When their bodies finally meet and they melt into each other, everything feels right again. Like all the empty spaces in Lena’s heart are being filled back up and every ache and pain in her soul is being soothed by Kara’s presence. She’s home. She’s home. She’s finally home. 

“It’s only because you’re on the team that I’m here,” Kara murmurs in Lena’s ear. She squeezes her so tightly it almost hurts, but Lena just squeezes back as tightly as her own strength will allow her. She feels the tears sliding down her cheeks and takes a deep breath through her sniffles, trying her best to hold herself together. When Kara finally pulls back, she pauses for a moment, her hands drifting to Lena’s shoulders. She cocks her head to the side and looks at Lena with a soft smile on her face and a gentle question in her eyes. “Your scent… vanilla and lavender…?”

Lena knows exactly what she is asking, because Lena usually smells like her expensive perfume, or her coconut and hibiscus scented shampoo. And there are a thousand ways Lena wants to answer that question, a thousand things she wants to tell Kara that she can’t put into words just yet. So she tries to pour all her emotions into a single sentence, and hopes Kara understands. She bites her lip to stop it from quivering and gives a tiny shrug, before she answers in a small shaky voice. “I really missed you.” She ducks her head down and tries to swallow, her throat constricted with emotion. She gathers what courage she can to open herself up, to lift her head and make another confession, whispered so softly only Kara can hear her. “The only thing that kept me going was the hope that I would get to see you again.”

Kara is silent for a minute as she stares into Lena’s glassy green eyes, her own tear-brimmed blue eyes searching Lena’s face for some hidden truth. Lena wills her to find it, to see all the love Lena holds in her heart for her. She wills Kara to hear the way that same heart is currently hammering against her ribs, even while it feels like it's stuck in her throat. 

When it seems like Kara has found what she is looking for, she whispers back, her own voice cracking just a little. “I really missed you too.”

There’s a weight to the way Kara says it, the words feeling charged with hidden significance. Lena's thoughts go to the picture of them she found on Kara’s nightstand, and wonders - could she…?  Now it’s her turn to search Kara’s face for answers, and as she does, she finds herself looking into a longing gaze, blue eyes filled with overwhelming affection, and sparking with a sudden fire she’s never seen before. Kara moves her right hand from Lena’s shoulder to softly cup the side of her face, her thumb gently wiping away a tear from her cheek. Lena lets her eyes flutter closed for a second as she leans into the warm touch. There’s a moment between them, a low buzzing electric current connecting their bodies, air thick with anticipation, a silent conversation with their eyes. Kara's eyes flit to Lena's lips, nodding her head almost imperceptibly, and then she leans her body closer to Lena’s, drawing them both towards the inevitable. 

The collision course they are on is abruptly derailed by Alex, completely oblivious to the moment of intimacy she just interrupted. “Apologies from Kelly, she really wishes she could be here, but she had a full day of orientation at Social Services.”

Lena reluctantly steps back to allow the sisters to talk, but she can’t help noticing the way Kara's shoulders droop ever so slightly, and the look of disappointment on her face. A sentiment Lena definitely shares.

(What she doesn’t see is the way Alex glances between her and Kara, and the fleeting moment of realization in the older Danvers’ eyes, followed immediately by a quick flash of guilt, as she puts two and two together). 

The moment is over though. Conversation moves on, and everyone goes about their business as if nothing happened. And as far as everyone is concerned, nothing did happen - only Lena and Kara are privy to the wordless declarations that passed between them. 

But it did happen, and it gives Lena hope. More hope than she’s had in a long time. And she knows there are conversations to be had. Her and Kara need to talk about their fight, and how to trust each other again. Lena should probably explain why she was sleeping in Kara’s apartment. Clearly they need to discuss the feelings it seems they both have for each other, with actual words this time. (though perhaps some of those feelings could be expressed in other ways…)

She knows Kara will need to heal from the emotional and physical trauma of being in the phantom zone, and that alone could prove to be a difficult obstacle to overcome. There’s still a long road ahead of them, and most likely not an easy one. 

But for now, Kara is home, and that’s enough. 

[leaderoffestivals]

Poltergeist Chapter 16

The Neverland of Grudges Ch 8

Madara: However, times have changed, and I’ve changed a little, too. And it’s all thanks to you guys. 

Scenario Writer: Akira Season: Winter Characters: Mikejima Madara, Narukami Arashi

Madara: Ohhh. So, that’s how it is.

Regrettably, I’ve not had the chance to interact with NEGI-san personally, but I have carried out extensive research into matters related to her—

Matters which tie into the very foundation of the idol industry and thus, deeply concern us, after all.

It seems NEGI-san was the successor to an entity known as "The Priest", a malevolent figure who ruled the idol industry from the shadows while posing as a god.

Arashi: Eh?! D—did that child really have such a tremendous status, after all? The "Priest"...?

I guess NEGI-chan must’ve been trying her best to appear plain and unassuming in front of us, huh. She still came across as a little out of this world, though—

But then again, that level of eccentricity isn't uncommon at Yumenosaki or ES at all. That’s why it never occurred to me that she was such an extraordinary personage.

Madara: No, that’s because in actuality, she’s not a monstrous being. And of course, she definitely wasn’t a God or anything else either.

Whether it’s NEGI-san or her younger brother, Hitsugi-san, they were probably ordinary kids, just like us.

However, the "Priest”—their father— was a deranged lunatic.

I’m not clear about the fine details, but it seems the Priest was obsessed with a bizarre delusion of taking over the bodies of children, believing he could extend his life this way and live forever.

Immortality has always been the ultimate desire of those in power, ever since the time of the First Emperor of China, you knowww?

As the saying goes, “A crane lives for a thousand years, and a turtle for ten thousand” (1)—

In light of this, the name “Dancing Cranes Home” honestly sends shivers down one’s spine, doesn’t it?

Madara: The big shot in the idol industry who established Dancing Cranes Home was probably none other than the Priest himself, via one of his proxies.

That would explain why his daughter, NEGI-san, ended up being fostered here—

—in a place built and named after the crane, with its legendary thousand-year lifespan, in an attempt to harness the power and mysticism associated with the name.

By christening his building with such an auspicious name, he might have hoped to extend his own life, even if by a little.

Arashi: Eh? On the contrary, didn’t it turn out unlucky in the end? Dancing Cranes Home has already burned to the ground once, after all.

Madara: Hahaha. I daresay that was because the Priest no longer felt the need to rely on such magic formulas. He had found a more suitable vessel for his new form—Hitsugi-san. 

Madara: That’s why he took action to eliminate his daughter, NEGI-san, since she no longer served a purpose to him.

For the Priest who had such an extreme fear of death, the existence of a blood-relation must have been anathema to him. 

There's a possibility someone would be able to trace her lineage back to him—the Priest himself—from her existence, and fearing such an outcome, the Priest took steps to eliminate the evidence, so to speak.

That's probably the true story behind the fire that broke out at Dancing Cranes Home.  

Arashi: What? He decided to do away with her and burn her up in a bonfire, because he didn’t need her anymore?

Who does that kind of thing? Who does that guy even think he is?  

Madara: HAHAHA! I alreadyyy told you—he’s a guy who’s screwy in the head LARPing as a god. Hahaha, he's totally different from Kanata-san; there’d be nothiiing cute about him as a god at aaall—

—just a murderous, malevolent and abominable god. 

However, that person is no longer in this world. I don’t know the exact details, but he was eliminated by somebody, not too long ago. (2) 

Arashi: Oh? Is he dead? He absolutely deserves to be, but then, who am I going to direct these furious fists of mine at now? 

Arashi: The children of the Rafflesia Group under my care are still suffering the traumatic effects of that cruel fire to this very day, you know? They lost their dearest friend, their halcyon, happy days—

And simply reading a picture book with the barest mention of a fire in it makes them cry and throw up.  

Madara: Hmmm. Picture book—a drawing—I seee? 

Maybe that could come in useful after aaall… …

Arashi: Hmm? What’s that? What in the world do you mean? Come on~, Mama, it’s a bad habit to always be keeping things to yourself, you know? 

Madara: Right. I’ve——MaM has always been a Solo Unit, used to working alone. It’s always been enough for me to be the only one who understood what was going on. 

However, times have changed, and I’ve changed a little, too. And it’s all thanks to you guys. 

Arashi: Once again, what in the world do you mean? 

—————-To be continued——————

Chapter 15 / Chapter 17

Translator’s Notes

Madara says 鶴は千年、亀は万年（Tsuru wa sennen, kame wa mannen). It is an expression that translates literally to “A crane (lives for) a thousand years, and a turtle for ten thousand years”. It is used to mean “a long life is something worth celebrating”. Cranes and turtles are symbols of longevity. The saying originated from a Noh play titled [鶴亀] “TsuruKame” (Crane and Turtle), a congratulatory tale that prays and celebrates the peace of the world and the long-term state.

Nagisa was the one who got rid of the Priest. He set up and managed to trap the Priest with GateKeeper’s help in SS Finals (Main Story 2). The Priest had wanted to take over Nagisa then (since Hitsugi faked his death in BlackJack (Main Story 1.5) and wasn't around to be used). It’s not certain what happened to the Priest exactly, but he was trapped in a car which was driven away after Nagisa passed judgement on him “to be burnt in the fires of hell for eternity” (SS Finals Laurel Ch 23).

This isn't proofed, so you've any feedback, please DM me.

[eurydicees]

My sister's doing a musical (The Guy Who Didn't Like Musical) and she's playing the main character (even though it's a guy)! She's singing all the time and I love it. I can't wait to see it. I'm visiting the theater more lately and I saw a horrible local production of Robin Hood last week which was absolutely hilarious. The cast consisted of 55 people??? What the fuck? Meanwhile I'm trying to take up a new hobby to do outside of work. And not just drawing or writing, I need to go somewhere where I actually meet other people. Not sure what to do yet. Tomorrow I'm baking a marshmallow cake for my grandparents so I have an excuse to visit them. My mother is depressed lately since her brother committed suicide but I finally managed to talk to her about it and last week she's FINALLY gone to the doctor and gotten meds. Not sure if they're working yet but at least we're talking about it now. My brother isn't pissed at me all the time anymore since he's found a way to cope with his anger issues. And he even seems quite happy lately, so that's good. At my job things are kind of shitty but at least many of my colleagues are also against the ridiculous things the management is trying to make us do. And there's always something to talk about. One of my colleagues has the prettiest fucking eyes I've ever seen so I like to see him every time. Next year the musical Hadestown is coming to our country so I can't wait to see that. That's all I can think of right now. I hope you can find things to enjoy and look forward to as well, even though we're living through some very strange times.

thank u for the life update!!! it seems like you're doing well overall and exciting things r happening, so i'm very happy for you<3

i love horrible local theatre, and a 55 person cast is genuinely a deranged choice. like im sorry but what. you're putting FIFTY FIVE people on one stage? how did you possibly make that work?????? and congrats to your sister for the lead role!!! i hope it goes well, and i'm rooting for her!

i'm also trying to find hobbies outside of work and of making art alone in my room.....lmk if you come up with anything lol i'm taking advice on that. i bought an embroidery kit and that's kinda fun, but it's not any better for my wrists than typing so much is tbh so idk if it's really a net win. really i need to socialize somehow. but where do you even start with that. how do you make friends as an adult.

marshmallow cake sounds so tasty...drop the recipe👀👀 ?

i'm so sorry to hear about your mother's brother, sending love to your family. i'm glad she's getting help though; and it's really good that your brother seems to be doing better as well. little big steps forward!

ough things at work being shitty suck but also there's nothing that will bond a group of people better than the common enemy of Upper Management(tm) lol so at least you've got that going for you. a pretty eyes colleague is very nice too :D

i hope you get to see hadestown!!!!! it's such a good show and it's 10000000% worth getting tickets for.

thanks so much for the ask, this did end up making me feel a little better :) sending u all the best!

[b-rainlet]

Obsessed with Helaena being the most deranged sibling- after their marriage, Aegon stops spending nights with her and goes back to his old ways whoring around Flea Bottom, but Alicent keeps asking if she’s pregnant yet, and of course they can’t disappoint mummy… Maybe one night she helps him have an extra glass or two of wine at dinner, a takes him back to her room instead. Just to make sure he’s safe and sound :) It’s okay if he doesn’t really know what’s going on, it’s all for the good of the family

Anon, how does it feel to be the most big-brained person I have ever met??

Aegon not being able to 'do his duty' and the whole family is getting antsy because the only reason this marriage was endorsed was because of the potential of pure-blooded (non-bastard, sorry Jace) heirs and now months have gone past and Helaena still isn't preggos! Inacceptable!

This is such a fun concept because you can fit sooo much dub/noncon into this!

Aegon getting shitfaced before assaulting his sister (much like canon) because he can't bear it otherwise, Aemond being the one to impregnate Hel because they can't disappoint Mother and Aemond is nothing if not somebody who looks out and protects his family - whether Helaena actually knows about it or not....

But! Helaena being the aggressor?? Brilliant.

Aegon doesn't suspect anything when she keeps filling his cup, embraces it even, because how else is he supposed to get through this dreaded dinner? He even makes a joke about Helaena finally playing the doting wife she's supposed to play.

And when Aemond goes to drag Aegon to bed and Helaena interjects, smiles sweetly at their Mother as she excuses herself and offers to take her husband to bed herself - well maybe Aegon thinks it's a little odd, but Mother has made some scathing remarks regarding Aegon and his interest in running off at night, maybe this is her way of making sure Aegon actually stays in bed.

(I'm gonna go ahead and hc that they share a bedroom since they are married but that usually, Aegon fucks off before Helaena retires for the night - spend as little time as possible together, maybe that way this whole thing turns less real).

It's only when Helaena starts 'helping' him undress that Aegon becomes suspicious. And he tries to push Helaena away, to tell her he can do it himself and that she should just brush out her hair or bid her bugs goodnight or whatever else she usually does, but his head is swimming and his limbs don't really work anymore and he ends up mumbling something barely coherent and making some vague, aborted movements with his arms and Helaena only shushes him and pushes him down onto the bed, pinning him down with her weight.

(Bouns points if Aemond is in on this and is standing at the door, making sure nobody dare bother them and that Aegon and his uncoordinated movements don't accidentally end up hurting Helaena).

It takes a while until Aegon is hard, but Helaena is nothing if not stubborn and just as hellbound on pleasing their mother, so what does it matter if Aegon keeps weakly pushing at her, mumbling out 'no's as he struggles to keep his eyes open? It's all for the best!

Helaena wouldn't have to do this if Aegon would've just done his duty, so really, she's helping out both of them with this.

And when the Maester announces that Helaena is with child a few months later and Alicent hugs both Helaena and Aegon, Helaena knows she's done the right thing. She's done what was expected of her. Of them both.

(Even if knowing so doesn't ease the sting when Aegon barely speaks to her during the pregnancy. It was just once. He will get over it).

[thatbitchsimone]

I love you I love you

Thank you thank you

It’s a long story of circle of abuse, I used to save her from my father hitting her and few years later I had to save myself from both of them hitting me

I truly believe she’s evil, not what she does to me but to others also, she beats and humiliates not only me but the maids too, the other siblings are not beaten, the brother sometimes rarely but he’s her worshipper so i don’t think he minds.

I will get a job soon but I don’t think I can move out, it’s not very common here you know, and my father is like a influential guy, but hopefully when I earn my own money and cut her off I’ll be happy, we have a big house so living separately is possible.

I found out something today and it made me sick to my stomach, I have my whole life faced disgusting men, but turns out my brother is also one of them, he is after all my fathers and mothers son. he is an Andrew tate fanboy btw so you can guess his entire personality by that lolllllll.

I am so sorry this is alot of stuff to hear on a site where you are supposed to have fun, I am sending you apology hugs, take care 🫂❤️

Btw have you read the bell jar by Sylvia plath? It’s so depressing it’s taking me months to finish HAHAHAH

that is fucking awful and yes, i dont even believe in the whole concept of evil (i was raised without religion in a completely secular country + im very into psychology so good vs evil is not part of my worldview lol) but some behaviors even i just have to describe as evil and ur mom fits that pretty well like abusing ur own children is fucking evil. i have empathy for her to some extent since her behavior is clearly the result of her being abused herself like u said but it gets clouded by the absolute disgust and hatred and rage i feel for her for letting herself become the abuser herself and keeping the circle of abuse going by passing it on to her children. its one thing to not have the strength or power to stop ur husband from abusing ur kids, but straight up joining in on the abuse is a whole other level of disgusting and im so sorry u have to experience this.

but i do have to say that u seem like a genuinely good person like i really feel like u have so much kindness and love in ur heart and u seem like a very strong, sensible and intelligent girl and i get a strong feeling that the cycle of abuse is gonna end with u (as in, u wont be carrying it on and u will break free from it and if u have kids in the future u will be a good and loving mom to them) and i just wanna acknowledge that bc thats amazing and inspiring and i admire u so much like i just have so much admiration for u right now like u are everything u are the moment u are the vibe

anyway, glad to hear that u at least live in a big house so that u can at the very least have some space from her even tho u live together. i get that its not as easy or simple as some ppl think to ”just move out” especially if u live in a very family oriented culture where its not the norm to do so on top of it all so i think the best thing to do currently is to just kind of try to stay out of her way and honestly just not even listen to the bullshit she says bc her insults are kinda meaningless tbh bc lets be real, if u were skinny she would just use something else to criticize u for. she just wants to put u down in any way she can no matter what u look like. u could probably look like a damn supermodel or movie star and she would still find something to pick on and put u down for, bc she has issues. shes disturbed. her words are empty and her opinions on u are just completely irrelevant. why should u care if a deranged abusive sadist doesnt ”approve” of ur body and size? this woman thinks its ok to mentally torment everyone around her, even HER OWN CHILDREN that she just so happens to not just verbally and emotionally abuse but straight up physically abuse. shes a child abuser. actual scum of the earth. like honestly next time she says something about ur body or calls u fat or whatever this psychopath likes to call u just remind urself that this woman is actually disturbed and sick in the head like shes literally a terrible human being lol who the fuck is she to criticize anyone like ok so u got a little extra meat on ur bones meanwhile she is a deranged sadistic child abuser. like girl whatever flaw u may have is nothing compared to the flaws she has like u are so far above her in every way that actually matters like ur literally so much better than her in every way like shes actually pathetic.

sorry about ur brother btw. seems like us women can never catch a break from these male parasites that are crawling around everywhere these days. they just keep getting worse and worse now with all the andrew tate shit brainwashing them. thank god we women have each others backs in this vile current climate. sisterhood is so important, especially now with all this crazy shit going around.

and yes ofc ive read the bell jar! read it for the first time when i was 16 and have reread it a few times since then. its one of those books that deeply resonates with nearly every woman who reads it even now generations later like its truly timeless in that way thats why its so good

[thetravellingvagrant]

Day 9: In Which I Am Largely Satisfied

I...don't really know what to write about yesterday, if I'm honest. I think it was probably the least interesting and blogworthy day of possibly any trip I have undertaken, so please do be aware and pre-warned that this entry may be even less of a zinger than usual.

It began with me waking up at a fairly comfortable 8am after a night of weirdly disjointed sleep, which gave me ample time to deal with the morning's necessities. Owing to getting my exit strategy down to a fine art at this point, I found myself shitted, showered and packed with an incredibly pleasing and uncharacteristically huge glut of free time on my hands before I was due to catch my bus. I had also made sandwiches.

I hoisted my insanely heavy bag back onto my back, wiped down the desk, which I had, over the course of the previous few days absolutely coated with butter in the pursuit of making lunch in lieu of a useable kitchen and set off, walking the same route to the nearby metro station that I had for the previous two days, getting off at the same stop and walking, without incident to a bus station I had already been to.

The bus station is modestly sized and intuitive to navigate, so I found my stance within seconds and waited there for a not-uncomfortable amount of time before being allowed on board the bus to my next destination: Granada.

Taking my seat on the bus was a bit of a faff, I suppose, as I was asked to move from my assigned seat by a couple who wanted to sit together and then from whichever of their assigned seats I was now sat in by another, different couple, who also wanted to sit together, but all of this was done very politely and in good humour, so it is understandably hard to spin any kind of tale out of. I had even managed to nab myself a window seat in the process, so...hurrah.

I did have someone sit next to me in the end – a diminutive French woman, though she spend the first two hours of the three hours jaunt asleep, head lolling backwards and mouth hanging open, while I used the time to catch up with this scintillating blog. For the final hour, she did wake up to take a picture of the bus we were on from what had to be every conceivable angle possible, in order to post a million different stories on instagram with captions reading things like “this girl is on a bus!”, which I know because I was looking over her shoulder - sue me – and yeah that was slightly irritating/borderline deranged, but it wasn't that intrusive and only lasted about fifty minutes before we were deposited in Granada and I would never have to see her again. This isn't foreshadowing for once.

I hadn't eaten lunch on the bus, as I was sitting next to someone and so didn't want to assault them with chewing noises and the faint waft of meat – not that it stopped the French girl from tucking into a box of penne pasta and bin juice, three inches from my face – so when we arrived in the city, I walked to a nearby park, where I sat on a bench and had some lunch, in what is becoming a bit of a tradition on this trip.

Lunch finished and podcast enjoyed, I hopped – again without incident or significant effort – onto the city's easy to navigate metro system and within fifteen minutes, stood outside my hostel for the next few days. This would be the first – and indeed only – time I would be in shared accommodation on this trip. That, at least, should provide some juicy bloggins, I thought.

It, however, did not. This was largely due to this hostel – Broz Hostel, if you find yourself here and without a room – is about the best shared accommodation I have ever lived in. It's spremely comfortable, has private lights, sockets and shelves on every bunk; the beds aren't made of rickety old metal bars that squeak and let all your shit fall off the side in the night; there are thick blackout curtains on every bunk that offer comprehensive protection from both light and the accusing stares of others and most surprisingly of all, all of my dorm-mates are deathly, deathly quiet and respectful and friendly (when they whisper a pleasant greeting to you, for fear of upsetting anyone else in the room). I just cannot generate material, today.

I had a nap not long after I arrived; my sleep from the previous night not having been the best, then set about having, as noted that it would be in the previous entry, a right nice rest day. I spent the majority of it finishing up my Christmas shopping, which satisfies the rare double-whammy criteria of being unpublishable due to both potential spoiler and just not being at all interesting in the slightest. Killing it, today.

With my shopping handled quickly, efficiently and without...too much faff, I jumped out to a nearby supermarket to buy the ingredients for a lovely salmony, lemony pasta without difficulty or embarrassment, then went home to make and eat it in a disappointingly quiet and well stocked hostel kitchen. I burned it – the food, not the kitchen – and it was slightly too salty for my tastes, but it was also the first time I had cooked myself anything proper on this trip, to date, so I award it 10/10. Would – and probably will – make it again, tomorrow.

I sauntered back upstairs to my bunk and worked on presents a little longer, definitely being the loudest person in the room in the process, until about 1am when I found myself too tired to continue and turned into bed. It was exactly then that two drunk girls returned to the room, whispering in that incredibly loud way that drunk people trying to be quiet do, which just exaggerates all their plosives in their speech and is actually, probably, more distracting than just speaking normally. Especially if they just spoke normally outside the room, instead...

“Oh boy” I whispered to myself, rubbing my sleepy little hands together with glee, getting ready to enjoy being absolutely furious for a little bit, “This'll be something I can complain about, at least...”

They stopped whispering forty five seconds later and went to bed, very quietly. The loudest thing in the room now just the noise of me – for some reason – still rubbing my hands together.

I eventually stopped doing that – it was a bit weird, to be honest – and followed the drunk girls' suit, turning in for a night of basically fine and, crucially, very quiet sleep. Tomorrow's entry will be better. Probably.

[bambiesque]

New thread for Capaldi!Doctor.

Deep Breath - "Here we go again." Excellent start for Capaldi!Doctor. I do love regeneration episodes and this one was a bit deeper than the usual madness. Always lovely to see the Paternoster gang. And Missy! Missy, my love. <3

Into the Dalek - Danny! "She cares so I don't have to." A good episode - a nice change to the usual Dalek ones. I like Journey, I think she should have come along.

Robot of Sherwood - A funny episode, good performances all around but nothing very exciting. Loved Capaldi!Doctor sword-fighting Robin Hood with a spoon though.

Listen - Creepy, sad, beautiful. Everyone is at their best. Love getting to see the baby!Doctor's history and Clara comforting him, and then comforting Capaldi!Doctor too. They are great together. As are Clara and Danny.

Time Heist - Love a heist. Especially a time-travel one. Keeley Hawes is always good and strangely, always terrifying. Clara looks magnificent. Love Psy and Saibra. I think we should have had little gang again.

The Caretaker - I still don't like all the weird posturing from the Doctor and Danny over Clara. She can do what she wants. They're idiots most of this episode.

Kill the Moon - I completely understand Clara's feelings. Jenna is excellent, as always. I love the moon being an egg and another one just being laid in its place.

Mummy on the Orient Express - Love the whole aesthetic. Love all of Clara's beautiful clothes. A really good murder-mystery. Tense, fun, nice resolution. Great episode.

Flatline - Really interesting concept. Love Clara taking on the Doctor's role and carrying around the TARDIS and the Doctor in her bag.

In the Forest of the Night - A lovely episode. The trees covering London and protecting the earth. The kids are great too.

Dark Water/Death in Heaven - I love Missy so much. Michelle Gomez is having an absolute blast and she looks so gorgeous while being completely deranged. I am sad Danny is dead though. Cyber-zombies. Poor Osgood. Poor Danny and Clara. Poor Missy. The Brig! <3 Danny is a very good boy.

Last Christmas - Doctor Who does Inception. Lots of fun and silliness with a lovely ending and Clara staying with the Doctor.

The Magician's Apprentice/The Witch's Familiar - Have I mentioned that I love Missy. She should be in every single episode. Possibly of every TV show ever. What a brilliant pair of episodes this was. The best Dalek episode in a long time.

Under the Lake/Before the Flood - Very creepy and atmospheric. I enjoyed the story and I'm enjoying these two parters.

The Girl Who Died/The Woman Who Lived - I loved the first episode. It was fun and funny and Clara has grown-up so much, I'm proud of her. Capaldi!Doctor realising why he chose Caecilius' face was a really brilliant moment. The second episode was also good - though not as good, imo but it did have a great ending for the Doctor and Ashildr.

The Zygon Invasion/The Zygon Inversion - Kate having more to do is always a good thing and it's nice that we still have one Osgood at least - and then two! Good story with a great resolution and excellent work from Jenna as always.

Sleep No More - I'm going to be singing Mr Sandman all night now. It was a decent episode but nothing special storywise. Just there really.

Face the Raven - Brave, wonderful, stupid Clara. I love you. The whole episode was great and I know it's not her last episode but I think that was a good ending for her and perfectly in character.

Heaven Sent - Weird, fascinating and absolutely terrifying when you think about it. Peter Capaldi is incredible. But not an episode I'd want to rewatch honestly because it too much.

Hell Bent - I don't think we should blame Missy for this when she's not here to defend herself. Amy & Rory mention! I cried buckets because it was heartbreaking. Farewell, Clara!

The Husbands of River Song - And farewell, River (at least I assume it's a farewell). A lovely end to her story. I enjoyed Capaldi!Doctor getting to do the "bigger on the inside" speech he always wanted to hear.

The Return of Doctor Mysterio - The weakest of the specials, across any era, tbh. I don't have a lot to say about it.

The Pilot - Bill is fantastic. Love her. Enjoyed the chase across the universe and Heather doing what she promised Bill she would. Love the pictures of Susan and River on Capaldi!Doctor's desk.

Smile - The Happiness Patrol 2.0 Very good, very creepy, very sad. I wouldn't have lasted five minutes in a place I had to smile all the time.

Thin Ice - Ooo, Regency period, love it. Great episode. Loved the Doctor punching Sutcliffe and giving his house to the orphans. There should be more of that.

Knock Knock - Lovely creepy episode with a nice twist. I loved the Doctor going to have dinner with Missy and her playing the piano omg *hearteyes*

Oxygen - Interesting concept and very believable but not as thrilling as it should have been.

Extremis - I'm just going to sob about how much I love Missy forever. A really great epiode. I loved it - the simulations, Nardole being a badass.

The Pyramid at the End of the World - The weakest of the three I think, but the ending is good. I enjoyed the lab stuff more than the pyramid stuff.

The Lie of the Land - So proud of Bill for shooting the Doctor. I think she should have slapped him when he told her the truth though. I want a whole show just about Missy's time in the vault. I would watch her do anything.

Empress of Mars - Great episode, fabulous to look at. I really enjoyed the story and seeing Alpha Centauri again!!!

The Eaters of Light - Another lovely story. Missy and the Doctor at the end was obviously my favourite part but the supporting cast was excellent.

World Enough and Time - I don't think I breathed for the last five minutes. The Master in disguise is perfect and a perfect bastard. The start with Missy being "Doctor Who" is one of the best things ever on this show. I wish she could have been an actual companion. Poor Bill, she deserves better than this.

The Doctor Falls - Of course the Master is a bad influence on themself. Oh, Missy, I love you so, so much. And John Simm is looking fantastic. Two Masters - my dream come true. They're such shits but I love them. And I'm crying because she died. And that he didn't know she was going back to him. At least Bill gets a happy ending (ish).

Twice Upon a Time - Twelve and One and Bill and Polly and Ben and Mark Gatiss as the Brig's Grandad(?) and Clara. I am sobbing. Mostly it was hilarious and heartwarming, which was much needed after the previous episode. Hi Jodie!

Capaldi!Doctor Era Roundup

Honestly, it took a while for me to warm up to Capaldi!Doctor - not that I didn't like him, just that I didn't get him, I think. But by the end I loved him. Season 10 was probably my favourite. I liked him being grumpy and not wanting to hug people. I loved Clara and Bill and especially Missy. Excellent stuff.

Favourite Companion: Clara

Least Favourite Companion: None

Favourite Episode: The Magician's Apprentice/The Witch's Familiar

Least Favourite Episode: The Return of Doctor Mysterio

Current Doctor Rankings:

Smith

Davison

Pertwee

Tennant

Capaldi

TBaker

CBaker

McCoy

Troughton

McGann

Hurt

Eccleston

Hartnell

Top 10 Companions: (Bill goes in at 12, Nardole at 32)

Jo Grant

Amy Pond

Tegan Jovanka

Rory Williams

Barbara Wright

Vislor Turlough

Clara Oswald

Sarah Jane Smith

Martha Jones

Donna Noble

Top 5 Masters:

Gomez

Delgado

Simm

Ainley

Jacobi

[kiyomitakada]

#not to derail with my borderline misa headcanons but I think that’s the thing about being borderline. and suicidal in general #which is that part of misa amane desperately #chronically #wants to die. wants out. wants her life to have meaning and when faced with the real possibility that it doesn’t #wants to end the whole charade entirely #‘I’m just the little girl who can’t sing nor dance…I can’t act and my perfume is rose water mixed with detergent!’ #‘I’ve flunked my whole life!’ #yeaheayheayeah these are German audio drama lines which is debatably canon but STILLL #her self worth is non existent and her ability to conceptualize someone loving her doesn’t exist because of this. and yet. #misa amane doesn’t really want to die. #I think- not only do people save her because they love her #but you’re right. she’s too quick on her feet. all her suicide attempts are half assed. #as terrible as it is to say! #misa walks into incoming traffic but has her eye on the best route to get to the other side #misa jumps off a building but has a railing just underneath for when she changes her mind #misa calls the ambulance and only then takes the pills #there’s always a way out. and misa always always takes it #I love her so fucking much man I’m sorry this is such a deranged tag spam #tldr. I agree with you and you are 100000% correct and also I want to unkill misa’s parents so she doesn’t. end up like this. alas. (via @gethsemanegege)

please never ever ever apologize for tag spamming this is exactly what i wanted to express. i am highlighting it and drawing circles around it. yeah. yeah. she's too quick! she can't outsmart herself! arguably even people loving her (in the way of rem and gelus and higuchi) is because misa is so good at being charming and cute and innocent-looking — not that the devotion isn't real, of course it is, but misa knows how to make people try to save her and she uses that skill. even when she doesn't want to be saved. because in the end she does want to.

and misa at every turn fails to kill herself, because she keeps making these horrifically risky maneuvers — the kira tapes, going to see light, seducing higuchi — but keeps getting out of them because 1) people love her and 2) she is genuinely so quick on her feet, and so instead she opts for the metaphorical ego-death where she becomes light's girlfriend and ditches her goth fashion and gives up her memories of the death note for "[her] happiness as a woman," except that fails too because as soon as she loses her memories she also starts going goth again, an unknowing reclamation of her identity right after attempting to erase it, because a subconscious part of misa amane does not want to die even though she does so badly, and this is why i will literally never buy the anime ending

[dmasterxd]

What really makes the Blue Lions such interesting and well-written characters is how they’re bound by trauma. Of course, other houses also have characters who have sad or traumatic backstories, but the Blue Lions is the only one that it applies to the entire house. And it’s always so deeply rooted into the way that these characters act and why they do the things that they do.

Dimitri-Sole survivor of the Tragedy of Duscur. Lost his parents and dear friend. And then developed a severe case of PTSD to the point where he was haunted by illusionary ghosts of his loved ones to get revenge. And constantly fighting against himself to keep his darker tendencies reigned in.

Felix-Lost his older brother in the tragedy. And then growing to hate chivalry and lashing out against it in every way possible, and having to look at chivalrous concepts in the most cynical way to cope with Glenn’s death. Since Glenn himself highly valued chivalry.

Ingrid-Lost her fiancée (and close friend, feel like people forget about this aspect too much tbh) in the tragedy. And since she didn’t see his death and idolized Glenn so much had to force herself to believe that he died in an ideal way and wishing to replicate it herself.

Sylvain-Was already being tormented by his brother on multiple occasions and then lost a close friend and had to watch his other best friends struggle with their grief and trauma to the point of developing self-destructive tendencies. A behavior which he was most likely already exhibiting himself at that point.

Dedue-Lost his parents and sister. Had his race genocided. Has an extreme lack of self-worth due to the prejudice of his people. And accepts all of the hatred thrown at him in spite of him and most of Duscur being innocent because some Duscur people were involved.

Annette-Was abandoned by her father (due to the tragedy) and worked herself to the bone tirelessly for years in pursuit of finding him. To the point where it reaches extremely unhealthy levels. And she has to actively try to take it easy. Because she’s just become so accustomed to it.

Ashe-Lost his birth parents and had to turn to thievery to keep his younger siblings fed. His adoptive older brother was executed for conspiring in the tragedy. And due to Lonato adopting and saving him, Ashe develops an extremely idealistic perspective where he wants to help everyone and believe in the best in everyone, despite how things might seem.

Mercedes-Her father was a terrible person (don’t really want to get into that cause trigger warning stuff). And she and her mother had to escape leaving her little brother behind. Said little brother became a deranged serial killer who was beyond saving. And she has an extremely caring and motherly personality to all of her fellow Lions, probably due to the fact that she wasn’t able to save her brother, which she definitely regrets a lot.

They’re all such extremely broken, traumatized, and flawed individuals. But that’s exactly what makes them so interesting. These characters who’ve already been put through the ringer before the start of the story. And then are challenged even more during the story itself. It’s all the more satisfying when you see them push through together, overcome their flaws, and then end up victorious. The more adversity a character has, the more sweeter it is when they’re finally able to achieve their goals at the end. And that’s why, the Blue Lions are such an interesting and well-rounded house of fantastic characters.

Heck, same thing goes for Rodrigue, Gilbert, and Catherine. But I feel like this post is already too long as it is XD.

TL;DR: The Blue Lions and even Faerghus characters in general are extremely well-written.

[sukirichi]

— just the two of us

request: I almost read all of your jujutsu kaisen writings and I love it. Your writing is really good! I do not know if a request about a fics🥞 about satoru gojo who is really in love and not very possessive with an oblivious reader. It will be fun to see Satoru try to flirt with her and she doesn't get it🤣

pairings: gojo x oblivious! reader

notes: THIS IDEA IS SO CUTEEE I absolutely loved every second of writing it! thank you for the request and I hope you like this! 🥞 breakfast has been served!

word count: 3.3k

warnings: none, other than this is unedited and written humorously rather than seriously~

masterlist !

Gojo doesn’t know whether he’s lucky – or completely cursed – over the fact you’ve got no idea he’s so in love with you.

It’s a bright sunny morning, perfect for outdoor training, and he walks with you all the way to school with his hands shoved deep in his pockets. You stretch your arms out in the sky to bask in the morning glow and warmth of the sun, sleeves pushed up to your forearms to “get that vitamin D.”

Satoru snickers at your statement, because you’d totally be getting a different kind of Vitamin D if only you’d notice him. Sometimes he wonders, if maybe you’d inherited the Six Eyes instead of him, would you finally be able to see him – or would you still remain unaware?

He doesn’t even know where it began. A year ago, Yaga introduced you as the newest staff member. You’d been so fidgety and nervous then, unsure of what to do and worried if maybe the kids wouldn’t love. They did, of course, how could they not. Not only were you extremely fun to be with, you’re also caring, fretting and even crying whenever one of the students got injured over a mission.

Shoko reminds you all the time that this should be normal for you by now, but you always cry every time, sobbing that they’re still only kids and should be out having fun.

Yeah, maybe that’s where it began. Your kindness struck a chord in Satoru’s heart, and before he knew it, he was falling for you. Hard. Next thing you know, he shows up five minutes before you leave for work, mock-saluting you before inviting you to breakfast. He does this every damn day, and you still don’t get a single thing.

“That café was really good,” you muse, fingers stretching outwards and giggling as the sun peeks through the spaces. Satoru sighs beside you, wanting nothing more than to slip his fingers through those softer ones. “We should go back there sometime. Maybe even take the kids with us this weekend so we can all have breakfast together!”

Satoru masks a snicker with a cough. It reminds him of the time Megumi called you mom and dad by accident, to which you happily responded with before tackling the boy in hugs, while the strongest jujutsu sorcerer only flushed in embarrassment.

Him being him though, Satoru played it off cool, flipping his hair before striking a pose. “Huh, a dad?” he smirks, “The only person who gets to call me daddy would be no one else but Y/N.”

The raven haired first year student immediately recoils in disgust. Meanwhile, the innuendo flies straight through you, and you peer up at him innocently with your head tilted to the side. “Daddy? Why would I call you my dad? My father is still alive and well, and I don’t see you marrying my mom or anything,” Just as Megumi nearly howls in laughter – another evidence that you’re really something else to get the usually stoic boy to lose his composure like that – you snap your fingers, the light bulb above your head practically shining. “Oh, I get it! You prefer younger women and you want them to call you that! Kind of like the hype for onii-chan nowadays.”

Hopeless, Satoru wants to say, you’re absolutely, utterly hopeless.

“Hmm, I don’t know,” Satoru shrugs nonchalantly, sending a smirk your way. It usually drives everyone crazy, but you only smile back up at him in the same way you smile with everyone, and he tries his best to not show his shoulders are deflating. Nevertheless, he doesn’t give up. “How about you and I go out somewhere this weekend? The movies, perhaps?”

Say yes, say yes – please say yes.

Really though, he’s waiting for that ‘no’ already. Satoru knows you always go out of town during the weekends to visit your family in the countryside, only coming back on Monday the next week with a basket of fruits and traditional goods that isn’t so easy to find in the city.

But then you clasp your hands together in excitement, lashes fluttering delicately as you beam up at him. “Really? You’d like to go to the movies with me?”

“Of course I would,” Satoru tries not to stutter, hiding the fact that he’s completely taken aback. He’s the Gojo Satoru for heaven’s sake, he shouldn’t be this affected by anyone’s presence. “What makes you think I wouldn’t want to?”

“Oh, nothing, I just thought you were busy. This Saturday, then?”

Holy crap, holy crap, holy crap, it’s actually happening – his mind was barely functioning at this point, and he even slapped his cheeks to snap him back to life. “I thought there was a fly,” he lied with a chuckle, “But yeah, Saturday. I’ll pick you up?”

“Yeah, sure!”

Satoru wouldn’t stop smiling the whole way to the school. Even when Yuuji had face planted into the ground and Megumi sprained his ankle from training, he wasn’t able to get rid of the ridiculously big smile that stretched across his lips. He’s floating in cloud nine, flowers erupting from his ears and heart-shaped emojis bursting in his background.

“Well, you look creepy,” Shoko commented in the faculty room the moment you excused yourself, “Did you land a date with her or something?”

“That I did,” he stated proudly, even banging his fist on his chest like a deranged form of King Kong.

“I can only hope Y/N makes it out alive,” Nanami announces from behind the newspaper he’s reading, legs crossed over another before he peeks above the paper, narrowed eyes dead set on the blindfolded man. “Don’t be too wild with her, Satoru. She’s a gentle soul despite being a sorcerer – I humbly suggest you don’t mess with her feelings.”

“Are you kidding me? She’s the one messing with my feelings by being so fucking cute all the time!”

“Who’s cute?”

Shoko nearly spits out her coffee the moment you enter, glancing around the room and sitting down next to a shock-still Satoru. Nanami only huffs in his seat with a shake of his head. It doesn’t take long before Satoru regains his confidence and recovers from his shock – he’s turned to you with his torso completely facing your way.

You bask in the attention, mimicking the gesture until your faces are mere inches from one another. The fact you’re so responsive and attentive to him yet still painfully naïve strikes a mental war of himself debating whether he wants to kiss you or knock your head upside down. Satoru chooses neither options as he leans closer, his smile growing wider when you don’t pull away, and he doesn’t stop moving until his lips are right beside the shell of your ear.

“You’re cute.”

Shoko shudders at the same time Nanami just gives up on everything, folding his paper and lying that he’s got someplace to go with Ichiji. Satoru patiently waits for your reaction; for you to crumble this time around.

You’re silent for a moment, brows almost right across each other when you register his words. Satoru ends up holding his breath for your next words, wondering: is this it? will she finally understand what I feel for her now?

Even Shoko ends up sitting at the edge of her seat, silently watching the exchange with interest barely hidden in her sparkling eyes. Satoru watches as your lips open, his eyes transfixed on the way the soft flesh moves. They tilt upwards, revealing a set of a wide smile – the smile he can never get enough of. “Thank you!” you giggle at his compliment, “You and Shoko are very cute too! And the kids too, especially Toge! Not that I’m saying he’s my favourite—”

“He’s definitely your favourite student,” snorts Shoko who is ignoring the way Satoru turns completely gray beside you.

It turns out you still haven’t figured it out after all.

“The kids this – the kids that,” the tall, lanky man whines, his head falling back on the back of the leather couch. He looks so utterly defeated you can’t help but lean over him to check if he’s okay, but Satoru pouts and hides his face under his uniform instead. “Why can it never be just the two of us?”

“Sorry, what did you say?”

This time, you’ve kneeled on the couch to hover him. You even pluck one side of his blindfold off to see how he’s doing, and suddenly thankful you can’t see the way his cheeks are absolutely flaming right now. 

“Nothing,” he assures, his smile hidden behind his shirt. You look absolutely adorable hovering over him like that – eyes wide and lips pouty – what he wouldn’t give to kiss those lips right now, but it isn’t the right time, and Satoru just needs to find a better way to tell you how he feels. “It’s nothing.”

It’s absolutely not nothing.

Saturday couldn’t come faster.

Satoru finds himself willing time to go faster. Once the awaited day finally comes, he wastes no time in choosing his best outfit; an oversized black shirt tucked into black skinny jeans before styling his hair up the way he likes.

He winks at his reflection in the mirror, going ooh and aah at how hot he looks. It’s another reason why he can’t comprehend why you don’t like him yet, when, uhm, he knows he looks damn good? He’s pretty funny too – and his strength and power is already a no-brainer. Satoru can’t wrap his head around any possible reason why you wouldn’t like him; it’s basically a life or death mission at this point.

With that end goal in his mind and a spritz of perfume later, Satoru sashays out his apartment. Even though it’s already dark outside and he spent the whole day walking back and forth in his room trying to come up with ways to confess to you, he acts coolly all the way to your apartment.

This time around, he’s more than confident. He’s going to have you wrapped around his pretty little finger, “Wow,” is the first thing he says, pulling his blindfold down just to look at you.

Satoru feels blessed in that exact moment to witness how the heavens took their time with you, creating only the best out of the best and birthing the most magnificent person ever. Suddenly, he grows an urge to run to the countryside and thank your parents for going funky one night and creating you, because you’re an absolutely magnificent gift and it really baffles him how you’re real.

“Wow,” he repeats again, and you chuckle when he shakes his head. “You look beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you look him up and down, smiling in satisfaction. “You look very handsome yourself.”

Satoru’s been called handsome a million times before that it’s gotten too much in his head already, but hearing it come from your lips hits different. If he was excited before, it’s nothing compared to what he feels now when you loop your arm through his, dangling off his arm like you were a lover.

He knows it’s not real and this is probably just a friendly date for you – something he intends to clear up later – but it doesn’t stop him from puffing his chest up a bit, almost as if bragging to everyone around you that he was the one you’re with, and that he was the one you’re going to the movies with.

All your babbles about everything goes straight into one ear and out the other. He wants to listen to you, he really does, but he’s so intoxicated with your voice that he just ends up nodding at everything you say; his attention mostly on how sweet you sound and smell.

His feelings only intensify a hundred times more when you finally make it to the theatre. Not only is it dark, but you’re sitting right next to him, arms and thighs brushing against each other. He takes note of every little movement you make, smiling to himself when you don’t pull away from his thigh flush against yours.

In this close proximity, your perfume overwhelms his senses. He finds himself leaning closer just to get a little more taste of it, his arm resting on the armrest beside him and placing his cheek on his open palm.

He doesn’t even know what the movie is about. All he can see, hear, feel and recognize is you – nothing and no one but you. Just as he wanted, it’s just the two of you.

Satoru reaches out to the bowl of popcorn in his lap to distract himself from the need of kissing you already. He was so smug that he’s on this date with you; now he feels like the world is laughing and mocking at him because you’re so close yet so far away. The last thing he wants is to say something weird and have you running for the hills. It’s clear you don’t like him, after all.

You end up reaching for it the same time he does, making your fingers brush. It sends a jolt of electricity down his spine and he immediately retracts it.

Looking up at him with an apologetic smile, Satoru knows he’s messed up. “I’m sorry,” you blurt out, raising your hands in surrender with a nervous chuckle. “I should’ve gotten my own bowl instead.”

Satoru stares at you through his blindfold. You’re close enough that he can count your lashes – both top and bottom row – and he’s so stupefied at this point that he just says the first thing that comes to his mind; absolutely anything just to get your attention. “Cold,” he shows you his hand, “I’m cold.”

“Oh,” you nod and slip your fingers through his. Satoru nearly gasps at how electrifying the sensation is from having your smaller, softer fingers collide with his, your hands fitting perfectly in his bigger, calloused ones. Then, you close your intertwined hands and smush your cheek with it to transfer your heat – completely unaware that Satoru feels like he’s floating in his own Infinite Void right now. “Feel warmer now?”

“Yes,” he replies. “Extremely.”

Something beast-like wakes within him after that. Now that he knows you don’t mind touching him at all, Satoru can’t help but want to take out all his playing cards and just go fuck it. So he does – and he might regret, he might not – who cares? It’s just the two of you, and you’re the only one he ever cares about this much that he’d pretty much let you do anything at this point.

“You know,” Satoru begins, shifting until your joined hands are resting on top of his chest. His heart is just about ready to burst through its confines at this moment, but he holds back. It’s now or never. “Shoko and Nanami are annoyed that I talk about you all the time.”

Your eyes widen at his statement. “Really? Do you talk badly about me or something?”

“No,” he nearly groans in frustration, “You’re really pretty and cool. You’re amazing during missions, too, when you fight, it’s like I’m witnessing a warrior princess. So cool.”

This makes you laugh until the person sitting behind you rudely shushes you. You bow your head in apology, turning to Satoru with a softer smile this time; one that looks reserved and private compared to your big grins. “Oh, no,” he closes his eyes even behind his blindfold, “Don’t smile at me like that. I don’t think I’ll still be cool if I end up stuttering over my words.”

“Satoru!” you whisper-hiss, although your chest is filled with so much giddiness too that you’ve both forgotten about the movie; unaware that the entire theatre was crying over the main character’s friend’s death. “What are you going on about?”

He wants to laugh so damn hard. He thought confessing his feelings for you would end up in a pitiful heartbreak that you’d be weirded out and push him away. For a moment, he forgets it’s you, and that nothing is ever difficult or painful with you – other than, of course, you being oblivious, but that isn’t something he can’t fix. He’ll get you on the train one way or another.

“I have a confession.”

“Yeah?”

“I was practicing how to ask you out for a whole hour in the mirror,” Satoru whispers, careful to not ruin the melancholic mood of theatre. It doesn’t even surprise him that his world is filled with nothing but sunshine even if the world around you has descended into grief and loneliness. “I also called Nanami on first date tips.”

“Nanami?” you echo with a gasp, “Why Nanami?”

“Because he’s married, that’s why. Mans know some tips for sure.”

“Wait, so,” you chuckle nervously, and Satoru waits, waits for you to pull away or push him back – anything that would indicate discomfort. He’s patient the whole time, watching carefully as you only squeeze his hand and gesture to the both of you with your free one. “This is a date? Our first date?”

“Only if you want to be,” Satoru shrugs, grimacing afterwards at how sappy he sounds. “Well, I actually consider this our first date and I’ve been waiting for this for like forever now, so I sure as hell hope you want this too. I didn’t dress myself up today only to come back home crying.”

Satoru’s heart – if possible – only beats crazier and sings the syllables of your name when you start laughing harder to the point you have to muffle it by burying yourself in his bicep. He feels like his muscles and nerves could erupt at any moment. It’s crazy – absolutely insane – how you have him wrapped around your finger like this. He doesn’t complain though; he never will.

“I’m glad,” you mumble through his shirt, your erratic heartbeat matching kiss when you take the first tentative step of kissing his jaw.

Satoru stiffens underneath you, a low growl ripping from his throat. He’s feral, wild, drunk at the sight and scent of you. You make him feel like he’s fluctuating between dimensions, all the planets just crashing on one another until the stardust is left in your eyes because what else could be an explanation for what he’s feeling other than a supernova collision of hearts?

“You always make me feel so happy when you’re around that I still can’t believe you feel the same way. I was so worried that maybe you wouldn’t get my hints.”

Satoru groans, “What the hell? How long have you liked me?”

“I guess when you started bringing flowers to Megumi randomly just to piss him off.”

Satoru wants to rip his hair out. That was just a few weeks after you’ve started working with him, meaning you both have liked each other this whole time and he’s been suffering and feeling stupid just for nothing?

“God, Y/N,” he mutters to himself, “You really do know how to make a man go crazy, huh?”

That innocent smile on your face lets him know that as usual, you’re oblivious of everything. Satoru is right; he still can’t decide whether he wants to whack you in the head upside down. With a sigh, he ends up choosing the latter, nearly falling over his seat when you let out a surprised yelp at the feeling of his lips on yours.

It doesn’t take long before you grab onto his shirt and cling to dear life, laughter bubbling through your lips as you kiss. The sound is so precious he wants to bottle it up and keep it treasure for the rest of his life, but Satoru doesn’t rush anything.

With you and only with you is he ever capable of feeling like it’s just the two of you in a world filled with chaos and destruction.

[theflowerofthecommonwealth]

Nick and Jasmine headcannons

(Just a collection of random little things the Father and Daughter duo do in the post apocalyptic wasteland)

Nick is usually fine with cursing as he does throw some words himself. But Jasmine curses like a deranged sailor 75% of the time and is not afraid shout some vulgar words directly at someone she does not like. He tries to get the teen to cut down a little on it by saying “Language.” in a stern Dad tone if she gets carried away with her profanity. Whenever he brings out that voice, everyone within a mile radius refrains from using any kind of swear words for at least an hour.

Speaking of language. Nicks way of speech starts to rub off on Jasmine and she finds herself saying “Goodness.” and “Ya know.” a lot. Everyone else finds it really cute, including Nick who doesn’t point it out.

If they happen to be spending a good chuck of time in the sun on a particularly warm day, Nick makes sure Jasmine is seeped head to toe in sunscreen and wearing some kind of head covering to protect her from baking in the sun. (He has a bad memory of the old Nick getting a nasty sunburn that painfully ached for days whenever the man even moved the slightest. Its still haunting him)

Sometimes if they are crossing a road that would normally be bustling with cars prewar times, Nick will put out the “Mom arm” in front of Jasmine and tell her to wait, looking both ways for incoming traffic. And Jazzy just stands there silently waiting for the old detective to realize that the cars haven't moved for over 200 years. (Maybe he should’ve run that diagnostic earlier)

Nick also does the “Mom arm” and pulls the teen girl behind him whenever he senses something unknown or dangerous ahead. Jazzy at first protests and states that she is probably more dangerous then whatever Nick is shielding her from, but he will keep doing it so she gives in.

Even though Jasmine has already seen a great deal of slaughter and carnage, Nick still makes it a point to cover his daughters eyes or shield her from seeing it with his body if they come across anything too gruesome for his taste. He will also drape his coat over her head if they have to walk through a recently pillaged area. Jas of course also voices that it isn't necessary, but Nick figures its best if the teen limits her viewing on bloodshed when possible.

If there is even the slightest chilly breeze in the air, Nick is already wrapping Jasmine his coat, claiming that she could get sick from the cold and needs it more than he does. (If Jas gets sick it’s almost impossible to keep her in bed. Girl wants to be productive 24/7)

Once they managed to find an intact and functioning one, Nick takes the time to teach Jasmine how to play the piano. She already knew how to play simple nursery rhymes, but Nick shows her how to read sheet music and how to do more complicated songs. Jazzy is a rapid learner and picks up the skill quickly, but she prefers to sing along while Nick plays.

On the topic of singing, they often end up singing or humming along to the radio together during quiet moments. It’s very beautiful and melodic to listen to as both of their voices are pleasant and enchanting together, but they rarely do it in public so one would be lucky to hear it.

I mentioned this before in a snippet, but Jasmine knits Nick a really nice scarf that is blue and has is name embroidered on it. No, he does not really need it to stay toasty, but it warms up his metaphorical heart and puts a smile on his face whenever he wears it.

Jazzy also takes it upon herself to mend and restore each and every one of Nicks coats and shirts. Not that Nick can't do it on his own, the old synth just gets too caught up in work to actually mend anything properly. Jas ends up adding extra lined padding to all his coats so her Dad gets extra insurance against the waves of never ending foes. She even embroiders his initials in fancy lettering on the tags for another personalized touch.

Nick one day brings home two pairs of roller skates and takes Jasmine to a mostly still standing roller-rink as a surprise. Both of them have to take a long moment to remember how to actually balance and glide without falling. Nick gets the hang of it first and aids Jas in not falling over until she does at well. After that its just smooth skating to the radio on Jasmines Pipboy.

Jasmine loves to climb and jump across high things and buildings like a mountain goat of some kind. Its obviously unsafe and Nick has learned to read Jasmine body language and facial expression from afar in order to tell when she is planning on doing a little thrill hopping. One moment he will be casually laughing and talking with someone, the next he is sprinting across a field to snatch the girl straight out of midair, scolding his daughter on her reckless choices.

If Jas goes underwater for any reason, Nick is subconsciously counting down from two minutes to make sure his kid does not end up drowning. When she bobbles back to the surface and takes a few breaths, he resets the timer for next time. (Jazzy done gave him a heart attack when she first went underwater for a long time)

Nick now always carries snacks stored in a waterproof container in his coat or bag. If Jasmine hasn't eaten in awhile or she just finished doing something draining, he will wordlessly pull it out and hand it to the teen girl. If there happens to be another companion with them at the moment, Nick will graciously offer them a snack as well. He also keeps a bunch of flavored hard candy in one of his pockets that he hands out to people they run into.

They both know ASL and will use it to silently make battle plans during stealth missions when it would be impossible to talk without being heard. It also comes in useful for communicating when Jazzy is feeling down and just can’t speak at the moment.

Jasmine looks like a curled up fawn whenever she sleeps peacefully, and its adorable as heck. Nick can be hard at work and silently rushing around the office trying to close yet another difficult case. But when he glances at the sleeping girl, it reminds him that he needs to take breaks more often in order to not blow a fuse or gasket. (Literally) He always ends up sitting besides his daughter on the bed, humming a soft tune while gently stroking her hair.

If Nick has to leave for a particularly long amount of time, he will assign one of the companions to look out for Jas if they aren't at the agency. He typically goes for the companions that lean in his favor and are more responsible, but he knows just about all of them would take it up if he asked. Jasmine complains every time that she does not need a “babysitter” but she goes along with it because that girl KNOWS that she might get into shit.

When Nora gets Nuka World cleared out and got it fixed up and running once again, Nick plans out a weekend long trip to take Jasmine and Ellie there for a vacation. Jas has always wanted to visit prewar times but her family was too broke to go, so she was pumped as heck. They end up going on every single ride available multiple times and just about explore every inch of the park.

If there happens to be an extra spare moment where they are both just relaxing, Jasmine will load up either Atomic Command or Red Menace on her Pipboy for both of them to play. Nick is the better player of them two, but Jazzy played the game quite often before the war so she gives it a good run.

They have a certain “Is this person fr right now?” look that they give one another when a client or suspect is lying and they BOTH know it. It’s very subtle and quick with only the closest companions ever noticing.

Both of them are ambidextrous and they noted it about each other almost right away, but didn't say anything until it was pointed out by Ellie.

When walking through a rough or shady area, Nick instinctively wraps an arm around Jasmine as they walk to keep her close to his side and far away from any unsavory looking folks. Hancock jokes that Nick does it to protect OTHERS from Jasmine and not vice versa. (Although Hancock does the exact same thing. Protective big brother 100%)

Nick will often give Jazzy a nudge on her side or shoulder as a gentle encouragement to speak her opinion or voice her thoughts while in public. Cause Lord knows that girl can and will go hours without saying anything at all, just stilly watching life play out until something big happens or someone talks to her.

Jasmine will randomly hold Nicks hand when traveling in the wasteland without reason other than she wants to. She does not care if it’s the metal framed exposed one or the covered one, she will just snatch it in her own hand without a thought. Nick does try to convince the girl to switch sides if she holds onto his exposed one, but Jas stubbornly refuses.

Maybe I’ll make a part 2 or add more later. I wasn’t even planning on posting this but I thought it was reallysweet so I did. 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

Thank you to @lucilleandherrobots for helping me come up with some of these! You're the best bro!!!