#she is doomed to spend her whole life and EXISTENCE dedicated to saving the world

[animeyanderelover]

I have been reading your blog for the past few days and I absolutely love it! Is it okay if I request Modern S/o from a Modern World with Yandere! Naruto, Sasuke, Sakura, since we have already have Hashirama and the other 2 with Mordern S/o, also take your time!

So many modern reader😂. I didn’t try to get too much into detail with how they would share a darling since I got a request about that as well.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, delusional thoughts, possessiveness, obsessiveness, vicious behavior, violence, kidnapping

modern s/o

🍜💙🌸Due to Sasuke needing a lot of time when falling for someone, you most likely appeared during the Team 7 days, when all three of them were still genin. They most likely discovered you together with Kakashi one day on a mission, finding a young you all by yourself and looking obviously flabbergasted and shocked when being found by them.

🍜💙🌸And they of course helped you, realizing that you were lost and their Sensei offering you to lead you home if you would tell them where you lived. You on the other hand just stared back and forth between him, Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke before muttering something from if you were dreaming, pinching yourself to make sure you weren’t dreaming and that this was reality. After painfully discovering that this was indeed real you wanted to be 100% sure, asking if they were Kakashi Hatake, Sakura Haruno, Naruto Uzumaki and Sasuke Uchiha.

🍜💙🌸Whilst you might have known Kakashi as the famous copy cat, they were all surprised when you knew the names of his pupils. You were pretty far away from their village, making the possibility that you knew them from there very little. It led to Kakashi suddenly getting a weird feeling, his intuition telling him that something wasn’t right here. So he asked you once again from where you were, leading to you explaining yourself. And knowing that they would most likely not believe you without proof, you also used your phone, showing them that you weren’t lying.

🍜💙🌸You were like this brought with them together to the Village, Kakashi deciding that you wouldn’t be safe all out there on your own and if someone would find out about you, you could become very dangerous for them. And just like that you were introduced to the Third Hokage who you showed your proof as well, amusing him greatly that in his old life he was still able to witness something like this. A dimension traveler, how utterly fascinating.

🍜💙🌸But he understood why Kakashi had brought you with him. You had explained after all that in your world their whole story was all written down as a “Manga” and could also be watched as an “Anime”. In short, you knew what would happen in the next few years, knowing what abilities someone would possess in the future and what secrets there were. It made you very valuable and if people like Orochimaru would find out about you, you were doomed. And they would be as well if Orochimaru would find a way to press everything you could possibly offer out of him.

🍜💙🌸So you were most likely given a apartment, most likely near Naruto, and were given permission to live in the village. It was also decided that Kakashi should teach you a bit how to fight, also finding out whether you possessed chakra or not. This was made a secret between you, the Third Hokage and Team 7, all promising to not tell anyone.

🍜💙🌸It should come to no one’s surprise that Team 7 naturally grew closer to you overtime since they had found you and were one of the very few who knew about this secret. So they became quickly your best friends.

🍜And Naruto was the first one who developed some more unhealthy feelings for you, openly displaying his big crush on you and making it obvious for everyone that he liked you. For the reason that you never seemed to make fun of him and always cheered him on, not thinking of him as a monster like many others or just an annoying little brat. Much more on the contrary, you always told him that he would be very strong one day. And you had to know it the best. Since you two lived directly next to each other, sleepovers and just spending every evening time together became somewhat a normality to you two, allowing Naruto to grow closer to you. His obsessive tendencies grew stronger due to the fact that you were from another world and he often begged you to tell him more about your world, listening in awe whenever you did tell him.

💙Surprised by who became Yandere next? I’ll explain later on to why not Sakura. Let’s face it, Sasuke was most likely annoyed when first finding you which might have changed quite a bit after finding out who exactly you were. He knew that you weren’t allowed to talk about it, but it did happen quite a few times that he asked you direct questions about his future and you just told him that he would later on become one of the most powerful shinobi which led to Sasuke hanging out more around you, hoping to squeeze something more out of you. What powers exactly would he gain? Would he meet his brother? How could he reach that point of being one of the strongest ninja to exist? Sasuke would keep it more subtle with his feelings even though his possessiveness was most likely triggered due to knowing that Naruto liked you as well, leading often to snarky comments from him when Naruto was all over you.

🌸Sakura was at first just your best friend for a rather simple reason. At that time she still had a crush on Sasuke and also saw that Naruto liked you a lot. And she cared for Naruto a lot, leading to her being glad that he had finally someone who seemed to understand and support him and she became a huge Naruto x (y/n) shipper. Sasuke is a lot more subtle with his signs that he likes you, but Sakura is very observant when it comes to those she’s close and will notice the way Sasuke keeps looking jealous and annoyed whenever Naruto tugs you away or tries to show off in front of you or the way he seems to tolerate you more than others. Even the way he displays a bit more softness with you which will lead her to feel a bit more conflicted, realizing that you are stuck in a love triangle. But different than with Ino she won’t suddenly start disliking you since she also sees that you keep pushing Sasuke away, most likely because you know that Sakura likes him and take that into reconsideration. You also support her just like Naruto all the time, knowing that she’ll later on become one of the strongest kunoichi to exist.

🍜💙🌸After Tsunade was made the next Hokage, she and Tsunade were informed about your secret as well in order to be able to keep in mind that you were somewhat of a special case.

🍜💙When Sasuke left the Leaf Village he might or might not have tried to take you with him, but since I need you here so Sakura can form her obsession, he failed. Even if he would have managed to take you out of the village, we all know that the with Naruto robbed him temporarily all his power, giving you the chance to free yourself and run. The fight between those two would be in general a lot more vicious than it would have been without you. Sasuke had pent-up frustration inside of him due to the fact that Naruto had gotten so strong, him fearing that Naruto might be one day able to beat him. Not only that, but Naruto also liked you a lot, more than a lot and this poured only even more gasoline in his fire since Sasuke had only you left. And now that blonde idiot was starting to become stronger and the strongest wins always in the end. He despised the thought that he could lose to Naruto. And our sunshine boy was mad as well that Sasuke had dared to kidnap you.

💙And so there is a chance that due to Sasuke’s betrayal another person found out, Orochimaru. He most likely sensed during the Chunin Exams that something about you was different. You didn’t participate or anything, but he kept an eye on you because Sasuke was really close to you and what better way to get his hands on Sasuke than blackmailing him and manipulating him with the one he loves dearly? I can even see him as someone who lit the hatred for Naruto inside of him when he noticed Sasuke’s growing jealousy. Would he seriously let such a weakling like Naruto get his darling? And with Orochimaru finding out this situation will become a bit twisted since Orochimaru will form an obsession with you as well for pure egotistical reasons. He wants to know all the secret and just now a mystery bigger than everything else he witnessed in his life so far was offered to him. So he would be all up for kidnapping you as soon as the chance is there.

🍜If we go with the theory that Sasuke did manage to kidnap you, but you were saved, Naruto would afterwards be so incredibly apologetic and feel guilty for not coming to rescue you sooner, adding even more pressure and misery onto him next to the fact that he already didn’t manage to save Sasuke. But he was also incredibly glad that you were now back, due to the shock most likely clinging terribly onto you afterwards and not leaving you alone until he left with Jiraiya, giving you into Sakura’s care for the time being.

🌸Do you remember my Naruto and Sakura sharing a darling post? It would be exactly the same to that. Sakura spent the next few years training with Tsunade and also dedicating a lot of her time with you. And it was during these years that she started developing feelings for you. The betrayal of Sasuke hurt her a lot and she also felt terrible for what you had to endure due to Sasuke’s selfish act, you were her best friend after all. You could say that after this she finally opened her eyes a bit, realizing that Sasuke wasn’t the perfect man she had always pictured in her head. It was somewhat of a wake-up call, and suddenly she realized how kind you had been to her all this time, making her feel appreciated, a feeling she hadn’t experienced so far that often. She grew very close to you and when realizing her feelings she was totally embarrassed as well as ashamed since everyone knew about you and Naruto. You were unofficially together at this point. It gave her a lot of mood swings since at one day she was on cloud nine and the next felt like hiding in a hole out of shame.

🍜🌸When Naruto came back, Sakura most likely told him about her feelings, a big sign of how close her bond with him was. And whilst Naruto was at first a bit conflicted about this, he and Sakura came eventually to the terms of sharing.

💙Sasuke on the other hand trained in order to kill his brother and get rid of Naruto with the ultimate end goal of finally getting you back in his clutches. He had started feeling incredibly lonely without you, the emptiness inside of him really getting to him. If we do go with the scenario where Orochimaru ended up finding the truth out about you, he would want to meet you as well. Not only are you interesting for him because you’re the person Sasuke’s in love with, but you’re also a dimension traveler. He does try to ask Sasuke a bit out about you, but whenever Sasuke shoots him this glare it’s obvious to him that he won’t talk. If Sasuke does manage to kidnap you, he wouldn’t let Orochimaru touch you without losing it. He knows how Orochimaru ticks and is just disgusted by this. Would be really pissed off the moment he finds out that Sakura is now in love with you too. He used to be annoyed by her because she was in love with him, now he’s mad that she loves you and shares with Naruto.

🍜💙🌸Sharing a darling is not necessarily easy for Sasuke as long as he isn’t really close to that person or it isn’t his brother. All free of them most likely started sharing after the war was over and Sasuke was forgiven his crimes. It would settle for quite the turbulent relationship because Naruto and Sasuke would constantly get into fights and it’ll be yours and Sakura’s job to separate them. More to that when I start the sharing a darling post. I don’t want to only repeat myself.

🍜💙🌸All three of them wouldn’t travel with you back to your world if there should be a chance. I do think that Naruto and Sakura would display a certain degree of curiosity in it whilst Sasuke would be more annoyed about it. But all of them would still stay in their world since all of them are dedicated to something in their world. That also means all of them will stop you if you should try to escape them by fleeing back into your world.

[floraluniversal]

My main muse, Stephanie, is a pretty interesting character, but the character I tend to overlook in art and writing is Celeste. Thus, I decided to dedicate an entire post to Celeste and why she's actually one of my most tragic characters.

(Warning: Very long and also I guess there is one description that could be considered gory?)

What is Celeste's story?

Celeste is the oldest of the three Rikka sisters and is way older than the other two, she is 6 years older than Ember and 12 years older than Stephanie. While her sisters only know her as the beloved prodigy wonderchild, she definitely did not start off that way. There is no way a young child can meet the expectations of the Rikka family, she was simply too weak and her powers took two years longer than usual to develop, so she recieved abuse from her mother, just like her other two siblings.

When she was 8, the girl finally developed her magic, turning out to be a spiritual elemental. Spirituum is a very rare element and it's incredibly difficult to master. She finally had magic, but that did not help her get any appreciation from her mother. As she was learning her element, Celeste noticed a tall ghostly figure following her and as she got stronger, that figure became a fully recognizable person. It was her soul ancestor (a person who had the same soul as her at one point and was forced to reincarnate to fulfill their destiny), her name was Aanga and she claimed to be a Rikka woman too, however, Celeste could not find her in the well kept family tree, though she decided to look past that. Aanga gave the little girl an offer, she would enter her body and train her during practice to properly become strong, no strings attached. Desiring the love of her mother, Celeste immediately took the offer and slowly became the prodigy everyone knew her as.

It didn't take very long for her mother to start favoring her over her two other children and it didn't take long for Celeste to be offered her military training 5 years early, leaving home to study under the king's army men at only 13 years old. At this time she didn't get to see her sisters much, but when she did, she made sure to secretely help them with their chores and work loads as well as their training, so they could spend time together as actual sisters. Everyone loved her, she was seen as a very kind individual, despite kindness not being a trait the Rikka family desires.

The trouble began when she had to return home after finishing her training, having to wait to turn 21 to join the king's army. All of a sudden, Aanga has begun taking control of her body outside the training and combat. It was difficult for her to push Aanga out, because without her, she was a lot weaker. With their agreement guaranteeing her mother's love, Celeste did not tell Aanga off, out of fear that she would back out of the deal.

Eventually, Stephanie got her powers at 6 year old and was nearly murdered by the people from her village with her mother at the lead. Celeste heard spiritual cries for help, following them, she discovered both of her sisters in a forest, hiding from the rampaging mob going after Stephanie. And while Stephanie's body miraculously activated the healing reflex (despite her being rather young for that) and saved her, Celeste knew this wasn't over. Her sister was a universal, they all had to run.

The three sisters ran, spending two whole years on the run and settling in another world (ours) that is connected to theirs. (All worlds and universes exist on the same mortal plane and there are tiny spots where two world overlap, this is where you can create a portal to safely pass through). At this point, Aanga seemed pretty aggitated by Celeste's decisions. The spirit was constantly hurling abuse that no one else would be able to hear, slowly breaking down Celeste's mental state. And once the agitation reached its peak, it became clear that there were strings attached to their deal, that Aanga had a certain plan with Celeste's body. With Celeste's mental state at its lowest, Aanga was able to enter Celeste's body through her left eyeball with the intention of taking it for herself. Celeste never even had a chance, she tried to fight, but her posseser was far too strong for her to remove her with magic... There was only one way.

The young woman dug into her eyesocket with her fingers and with great difficulty, sliced off the optic nerve, then she tore the eyeball out of her head. This caused great damage, losing her eye as well as causing great pain and bad magical burns on her face, and the worst thing of all was... That she did it far too late. The pain of her tearing her eyeball out of her face was the only thing she could feel as Aanga pushed out her spirit out of its own body. With them both being the rare case of a spirit and the possessed having the same eye colour, Aanga was able to become Celeste with little difficulty. Everyone attributed her different behaviour to the trauma caused by her physical exorcism.

Now Celeste is a spirit floating around her own body, being forced to watch every single thing Aanga does to hurt her sisters, all those painful decisions and horrible acts. She can feel all the pain her body goes through, while Aanga is painlessly continuing on. Celeste will never again be able to reach her magic and reclaim her body, living in the pain of being a silent observer to all the tragedies.

So, why did Aanga do it?

As Aanga told Celeste, she truly was a Rikka woman, a truly remarkable one who lived nearly a thousand years before her. She had three sisters as well as a twin named Corvenia (both twins in the faunal element, being able to create animals with magic, speak to animals as well as turn into a single animal ). While very strong, poor Corvenia was the most disliked of the four siblings for her kindness, deep curiosity and the desire to be with nature and to create, but Aanga was powerful and merciless, even from a young age. She was allowed to start her military training at 14, far before her other sisters. All this prodigy talk and early training truly turned Aanga into an ego monster, so when Aanga became the king's general at 19 years old, all of this success has fed into her already existent narcissism. Why should she serve this old fool? She could easily take him and his army... Wouldn't she make for a stronger monarch and form a stronger world?

Aanga has set a plan into motion. A fail safe of sorts. Using her twin sister's better knowledge of their element, they both had built a great dragon body together. Corvenia did not know of her sister's intention, but having so much love and admiration for her, she was happy to help. Thus Aanga began her take over, she easily took over the capital and killed the king, but once the news spread, all the Rikka family members (all her sisters, mother, even aunts and cousins) came after her with a small army of their own. It was a tough battle, but they had managed to win and kill Aanga. Or so they thought.

The purpose of the great dragon was now obvious to everyone, as Aanga had brought her spirit into the lifeless body, taking on a second life with a vengence. She attacked the already very weakened warriors. Fearing damage to nearby villages, they trapped her and themselves in a protective bubble and the battle continued.

It seemed like the family's luck had ran out, as the warriors were falling one by one, either killed by Aanga, or dying from pure exhaustion. Only three people were left. Corvenia and her two sisters. The battle seemed hopeless until Corvenia's arm was chopped off by Aanga's attacks. The two sisters screamed at her to leave, opening a small hole in the bubble for her. They screamed at her and insulted her for being useless, that this is all her fault, because she helped Aanga. Corvenia, stressed and fully knowing that she won't make it to a healer in time, have had enough of everyone always putting her down. She was full of magic, as her family didn't allow her to fight much out of pure hatred for her. Using her last minutes, Corvenia fully charged at the great dragon, changing herself into her raven form to fly up high enough to attack. As she flew high enough above the dragon, she changed herself back and used her only remaining arm to charge a desperate final pure magic attack (no elemental energy channeled), putting every single bit of magic she had, blowback be damned.

The attack worked. Corvenia managed to burn off the dragon's head, killing it instantly, but this resulted in her completely burning off her remaining arm. The woman toppled to the ground, knowing she had redeemed herself and won. Surprisingly, the fall wasn't what had killed her, it was blood loss. She laid there, completely motionless, but still aware, as her sisters rushed over to her, surprised that she actually won! However, this surprise immediately turned into opportunism. As Corvenia drifted off into the great beyond, the two sisters have made a horrible decision: They were to take credit for Corvenia's victory and make her out to be Aanga's accomplice. Corvenia died feeling betrayed, hurt and angry.

The two faunal twin sisters were erased from the family tree, so no one could tie them to the attack years later, and Corvenia's body was disposed off in a swamp, not even getting a proper burial, as she was erased from history.

With both Aanga's and Corvenia's fate being victory without death, they were both doomed to reincarnate. Corvenia only reincarnated once (Stephanie), but Aanga had inhabited hundreds of bodies before Celeste. When a person reincarnates into someone with a different element, that person is then able to easily relearn their old element, making them bi-elemental. Realising that now in death, her potential is higher than a simple kingdom, Aanga had taken up a new goal: She wasn't going to replace the king, she was going to kill and replace the goddesses and reshape the world to her wishes.

Celeste only happened to have the final element she needed, so Aanga shaped her herself to be the perfect fighter. The circumstances were perfect, she could use Celeste's possessing dagger to easily relearn all the elements. She could possess Stephanie by stabbing her with the dagger and practice all of them through her with ease. Aanga had essentially made herself a universal and she is not a force to be messed with. It's only a matter of time and practice until she puts her plan back into action.

Final thoughts:

I am not the best writer of all time, but I feel like the story of Celeste/Stephanie and Aanga/Corvenia is an interesting one! I really like this reincarnation incredibly slow burn plan. With both sisters having destinies that contradict one another, the only way to put a stop to it for good is to shatter the other's soul... But can Stephanie really push herself to do that to her sister? Would it be killing Celeste? Or would it be saving Celeste? All the poor girl wanted was to be loved by her horrible mother... And that lead her to lose control of herself for 20 years and die the most terrifying death imaginable. :C

This one was a real long one. If anyone who reads this (please do, I spent a lot of time writing this post) has any thoughts on Celeste, I'd love to hear them! You can comment on the post or shoot me a DM

[popculturebuffet]

New X-Men Xtrospective Part 2: Germ Free Generation (Annual, #117-120)

Hello all you happy mutants! And welcome back to my look one of my faviorite runs of one of my faviorite super teams by one of my faviorite comic book writers!

For those of you just joining us.. it’s been a while. I did the first instalment of this retrospective back in early January as a present to my friend for christmas, as he had never read E is for Extinctoin and what with this run being vital to the current, utterly brilliant Krakoa era of X-Men. But with both Black History Month and Valentine’s day, February had no real room for this one and march ended up being just as crammed with me doing essentially the entire della arc of ducktales in one month. I didn’t mean for this retrospective to get pushed so far back, but since I gave up doing weekly coverage of Final Space I had some room on the schedule so this retrospective is back with a vengance with two entries this month and hopefully at least one a month afterword to keep it at a decent clip. 

Last time I covered the background of this run and didn’t really find much for the issues after, so I won’t have to spend as much time on background. 

So since i’ts been a few months, a refresher is probably in order

PREVIOUSLY, ON X-MEN:  Our merry mutants enterted a marvelous new era. As Charles redidciated to the dream with new equipment and a new uniforms our hero encounter a new villian: The Mysterious Cassandra Nova, a powerful telepath who used an uwitting patsy from the trask family and a defucnt sentinel factory to slaughter the mutant nation of Genosha, killing 16 million mutants in the most horrific act of genocide against mutants ever known. And the fact there has been more than one genocide against mutant kind MIGHT, just MIGHT be the reason they blackmailed for peace with life saving drugs instead of helping willingly and freely in the current comics. Just maybe. 

Cassandra was captured by the X-Men soon after but escaped and nearly got a hold of Cerebra only to be stopped thanks to a combination of former enemy, genoshan resident at the time of the genocide, and that bitch Emma Frost who snapped her neck and Charles himself who uncharacteristically shot Cassandra in the head. That night Charles took a bold step over that would change the X-Men forever and told the world on live tv:

While all of this was going on we got caught up on the team’s personal struggles, currently consisting of Cyclops, Jean Grey, Beast and Wolverine with Emma joining as of the issue we’re about to cover. Beast is grappling with a secondary mutation that makes him look like Aslan, the jesus of narnia and all lions. Meanwhile Scott and Jean are grappling with their non existant sex life as Cyclops possesion by Apocalypse shortly before this story has severely rattled him and caused him to close himself off emotionally. 

So that’s where we pick up. Our heroes are now no longer hiden saftely in the shadows from a world that hates and fear them but are out front and center with the world watching. And we’ll see both how that helps their cause and how it puts them directly in the cross hairs under the cut.  Content Warning: This review discusses Transphobia and a scene involving a school shooting. If either of these are a trigger for you or something you do not want to read about  please skip this part of the retrospective for your own well being. Thank you and have a lovely day. 

The Man From Room X:

We have three stories today: an annual that introduces our final team member and the main villians of our next arc, a one off that moves the main plot for the first 12 issues along, and a three part arc about said villains.  Before we get into the Annual, I have to talk about it’s weird gimmick: The issue is entirely sideways. I don’t mean it’s bad though some parts are problematic I mean when bought it’d be on it’s side and in my trade I have to flip the whole thing over on it’s side to read it. It’s just a .. weird choice. Not the weirdest thing about this issue somehow but not unexpected from Grant as they like to play with the formula. 

We open in said Room X, a location in China where a mutant named Xorn is kept and showed off to a mysterious group of dickweeds in suits representing “Mr. Sublime”.  His jailer, General Aao Jun,, shows him off as most bad guys would : By undoing his helmet and thus disntegrating two innocent children just by looking at them. Sublime says they have a deal. 

Meanwhile also in China the X-Men are there for a funeral and Emma and Scott trade insulting questions back in forth: She mocks him about his lack of sex with Jean lately and he brings up her criminal past. As for why Emma’s still with the x-men.. it’s out of pragmatisim. WIth Genosha gone, the x-men are the saftest faction to throw in with. 

As for why the X-Men are in China, Charles has rapidly expanded his operations now he’s public by setting up X-Corps, a multinational humantarian aid organization dedicated to helping mutants in need wherever they sprout up. He’s set up offices in Hong Kong, Amsterdam, Mumbai and Melborne. 

He’s also half assed it, at least for the Hong Kong office and only gave them two employees: Domino, who those of you not as familiar with the comics may remember from deadpool and Risque.. who I honestly had never heard of before New X-Men and frequently forget existed. I just looked her up for the first time and she’s a minor mutant who was an associate of X-Force and Warpath’s love intrest. She could compress matter causing it to implode. My assumption here is that Morrison simply picked a minor mutant at random for the job. 

But yeah naturally with only two mutants charged with, according to domino “All of asia” went horribly and the x-men are there for Risque’s funeral and to find out what happened. Unsuprisingly it’s tied into our cold open: Risque had found evidence of a mutant trafficking operation and died fighting them off and Dom is naturally f eeling in over her head since said operation involves the chinese goverment, who according to her exccute most mutants at birth and John Sublime and his cult. 

We soon see a press confrence from this asshole and find out what his deal is: Sublime is the head of the U-Men, a group that belivies they are a “third species” of mutants trapped in human bodies that deserve to have the surgery to make them into mutants, and thus wear weird suits until the world is pure and allows them to have surgery for it. 

Yeahhhh this.. this is really fucking uncomfortable and is going to be present throughout today’s piece so let’s just go ahead and rip that band-aid off:  The U-Men come off as HIGHLY transphobic. They use terms similar to trans people call themselves trans species and are trapped inside a body they don’t belong in. It’s VERY uncomfortable to read as a result and something that hadn’t really sunk into till thsi reading but once it had.. oh god does this not age well. 

The one thing that keeps this from runing the run and Grant Morrison as a whole for me.. is that I do not think for one second it was intentional. Grant themself is genderqueer, nonbinary and a cross dresser. None of this means they CAN’T be prejudice, being Queer does not magically make you immune to being prejudiced. But before this Grant had the genderqueer sentient street Danny the Street over in doom patrol and a trans main character in his book the invisibles, Lord Fanny. And given New X-Men’s biggest flaw as a whole is clumsy early 2000′s unforutnate implications such as a good chunk of the things about Cyclops affair with Emma, we’ll get to that at the right time, Angel in the next arc and Dust, who was introduced as from afganastan wearing an outfit not seen in the country and speaking a language not spoken in the country. Grant didn’t make these mistakes TWICE, it’s why I still have respect for them, and this won’t be the first or last comic i’ve forgiven for being stupid for it’s time. But I will still call Grant out when I see it. Just because I respect an author just because they changed my life does not mean I won’t call them out when they fuck up. And if they prove to be truly vile, have harmed someone or what have you I will cut them the fuck out of my life. I’ve done it with JK Rowling, Warren Ellis, Brad Jones and Joss Whedon. I would do it with Grant if I truly belivied they were transphobic and instead didn’t just write something very stupid without thinking the metaphor through 20 years ago. 

So anyway back to the comic book bollocks as Wolvie and Dominio prepare for an infiltration and flirt a bunch. We also find out Jun is a mutant himself with a power only Grant could dream up: his skin, hair and what have you that falls off him turns into a naked golem for a bit before expiring. And if you hadn’t read this issue before reading this review, yes that actually happened. While the first arc had a BIT of Grant’s trademark batshit insanity, the series REALLY starts to pick it up from here: This issue has a mutant with functioning star for a head, a poorly thought out bucnh of sci fi new age organ theives, and a general whose power is “makes naked clones out of his dandruff”. Oh and his fondest wish?

I just... I don’t know how to respond to that. I don’t know how you respond to an old man’s weird murder fetish that he tells a somehow even creepier cult leader while said cult leader is paying him to buy a star man, and their both surronded by the creepy old guy’s skin golems that weirdly look like mudokons. Look i’ve  read Grant’s entire utterly bonkers run on doom patrol. I’ve seen a man who looks like a question mark use a bicycle that makes everyone high like their on LSD for president. And THIS is what breaks me. 

So while.. THIS is going on, Dom and Wolverine plan to do it all night long on the professor’s credit card, no really he gives all his professors carte blanch to use school fun, and inflitrate, Dom through the elvator this horrorshow just took place in and Wolvie james bond style. Also I gotta say I REALLY love how Morrison writes Domino. She’s wittiy, entertaining and her power is as awesome as always, super luck if you didn’t know. It’s a real shame he didn’t add her to the team: She wasn’t on any other x-teams, with X-Force having been rebranded into X-Statix by this point. She would’ve been a fun addition to the cast. 

Naturally wolverine is found out.. but that was the entire plan, for him to serve as a distraction then cut his way to domino while she steals something from the vault. As for the rest of the X-Men, Cyclops, Beast and Emma are all downstairs in the parking garage and find a secret entrance. Jean is not on this trip and that’s a major plot point for this run. This is where Risque died.. and it only get’s worse when Hank goes inside, finding a bug like child, basically htink a giant caterpillar but with tons of human arms inttead of legs with her wings cut off. 

Thankfully as Logan and Dom escape above, the U-Men are dumb enough to storm down bellow.. and while they incapacitate beast with some launched tiny knives, designed to incapcicate but leave them in tact for harvest, Emma beats the shit out of them and get the info out as only she can....

Granted she could’ve just turned back to normal and used her telepathy.. but what fun would that be? Plus they have blockers and you know CUT UP A FUCKING CHILD. SO yeah fuck them, let emma have her fun. 

Thanks to her they find out the U-Men are a front for illegal organ harvest, and while they can’t prove sublimes attached Emma suggests killing him.  Good idea but Scott suggests the lighter approach and we find out what Dom stole, a key, something Emma can psychcially scan. She warns it might take her a bit to get something.. only to be flooded instantly and we find out who the man in the box was. Shen Xorn... i’ll let emma tell you more herself. 

It’s stuff like this why, despite some serious flaws like the U-Men debacle and some stuff to come, some I mentioned above other that’s just with the plot that i love this run. Morrison just gets how to really tell an x-men story and the real tragedy of being a mutant. That just for being diffrent, you get shut out, or in this case thrown into a box when you could’ve and should’ve been something more. As emma turns herself to diamond to deal with the psychic backlash, Beast has some solemn words to share. 

That night Scott rests in his bedroom while presumibly hearing some truly horrific and sexy things next door while talking to jean before clocking out.. only for Emma to head in in a sexy dress with champagne. What happened? Well we won’t know for sure for most of the run. 

The next day the U-Men prepare to load and we get some scrap of what the idea was supposed to be: John talks to Ao Jun about his procedures. We see wings crudely sewen to his back and his throat implaants hurting “But one day I will fly”. THe IDEA is their supposed to be lunatics, people who envy mutantkind but don’t actually respect their culture or their sense of personhood. It’s not the worst idea and had Grant not used trans termnology for htis, it would’ve been a great one. I think he INTENDED for them to be coopting the idea of being trans and what not to maks their true intentions.. which is problematic due to debates like the ones on bathrooms where a lot of transphobic asshats make the bad faith argument a bunch of people are going to pretend to be trans to assault people. 

We’re.. we;’re not even to the main storyarc yet. 

But things soon go wrong as Xorn’s starhead starts to collapse into a black hole, with no solution as the x-men took the key to his helmet.. and assault the compound. Turns out the star collapse thing is Jun’s revenge on humanity for lockig him down here and he gets his neck snapped.  Scott has a solution though.. and it’s stuff like this why I fucking love Scott Summers and get annoyed when people call him “boring”: He realizes Xorn is comitting sucicide.. so he’s going to talk him out of it. Not just for everyone else but he deserves to live. And while Emma points out only logan among htem knows chinese and she can’t get through to Xorns’ head due to the way his brain works, Scott has a simple workaround: Use the nearest chineses speaker to teach Scott chinese. So.. with that he talks to Xorn. 

And that my friend is Scott Summers. A man who faced with powerful man whose given up, whose lost all hope... convinces him he can still go on. That living’s better than dying.. and that it does get better. The issue closes with Xorn basking in the sunlight for the first time in decades while Domino sweats having an extremley powerful unknown mutant out in the world. Scott’s already thought of that.. and signed him up with the x-men. Granted it won’t be until our next article that he actually fully joins the team, but w’ell get to that next time. 

This issue is great... while the U-Men stuff is pretty bad and isn’t going to get better, the tale of xorn is excitiong, Aao Jun is an intresting antagonist and the sideways gimmick suprisingly works. So now we’ve finshed our apitizer let’s get on to the main course. 

Danger Rooms:

We open in well.. the Danger Room with Beast training a new student. 

This is Beak. Beak is my faviorite character Morrison came up with and one of my faviorite X-Characters. Beak is a bird like boy who can fly, it’s just a struggle and due to looking diffrent and not having the most impressive power has very low self esteem. It’s also part of something Morrison took a concerted effort to do: introduce more mutants with genuinely odd apperances and drawbacks. Like we saw with Ugly John last time and Aao Jun in the previous issue, Morriosn really likes adding weird mutants but he also uses it to give a genuine downside to being one. While this isn’t NEW to x-men, Morriosn upped the scale and number of characters like this with weird powers and apperances. We see a bunch of human passing ones too but the backgrounds just jammed with all sorts of unique designs and students. It’s also the point where the school became far more crowded like the movies, a good call on my part both to help those coming in from the movies, and to help sell the mutant baby boom going on. After all it wouldn’t make sense if the school was just about 5-7 students and a bunch of grown adults doing superhero stuff like usual would it.

But we get to see that Hank is a good teacher, as he reminds the boy that he’s getting better and won’t be an x-man overnight, and worries about him to the professor, wanting the boy not to slip through the cracks, figuratively, and not to feel like an outcast.. especaily here. But Hank dosen’t feel blue for long, metaphorically he was blue long before he became the lion minus the witch and the wardrobe, as he has a date to night.. and so does Charles. 

Or rather he did.. his girlfriend trish, a long time love intrest of his and a reporter.. breaks up with him. Over voice mail. While in washington. And the reasons she gives are not great

Yes Hank’s transformation is radical.. but not only was it not his choice... she’s being a coward, sending the message it’s okay to dump someone because hteir a mutant or because they happen tobe diffrent and that efffects your career. Again it’s moments like this that make the run soar over the more awkward bits. 

Meanwhile Logan’s off doing logan stuff, i.e. gazing at a deer. Wow. Jean followed him. Both notice a space ship: Despite recently outing himself as a mutant, leading to an increased number of students and a bunch of rioting morons at the gates, Charles has decided NOW’S a good time to take a vacation to the Shiar empire. As for why Jean’s really out here, her marriage to Scott isn’t doing so good and while Logan encourages her to stay it’s just not that simple: Her telekenisis is coming back, stronger than ever. She feels the most alive she’s been while he’s shutting her out and feeling his deadest. She tries to turn to logan for comfort but he shuts her down. Just wait two decades jean... he’ll open up to a threesome. In all seriousness though having Jean try and come onto Logan .. will backfire slightly on later storylines. But we’ll get to that eventually. 

In the basement Hank is studying Cassandra or rather a virtual version of her since her body is naturally in storage. And he’s found out something disturbing: She’s Charles Genetic Twin.. oh and it gets way worse. The Professor’s weird behavior? Barely staffing the hong kong office, leaving suddenly with rioters t the gates, outing himself? About that...

Cassandra tourtures Hank with the possiblity he’s devovling and then tries to mind controlli him into cleaning himself with his diploma when Beak enters. The good news is this allows hank to shake off her control and tackle her, showing off why hank mccoy is fucking awesome in the process. 

That is the Hank McCoy I know, love.. and miss dearly. The one we’ll probably never get back sadly after what others did and what Percy’s had to do to reconclie with all they did. 

Unfortunately beak being around means cassandra can force him to beat beast into a coma with his bat. She plans to tear Charles dream down around him and make him watch.. and cryptically says he tried to kill her. She then cheerfully leaves Jean in charge.. and talks about just how much damage one could do with an entire interstellar empire in the wrong hands....

This issue is also excellent and sets up the next two arcs nicely while giving us a nice peak in hank’s head. Great stuff. The artist also hid the word sex in a lot of the images see if you can find them. 

Germ Free Generation Issue 1: 

So now we get into our main story for today. This story and the one before it were drawn by Ethan Van Sciver whose a talented artist.. but also highly contrversial for being a conservative. I myself.. don’t know what he’s said or did, though calling himself “Canceld Superstar’ on twitter really isn’t a good sign. So I really can’t comment on it but I also know someone would mention it if I didn’t bring it up and if you know what he did please enlighten me. 

So we open with a school shooter who also scooped out a guys eyes and is part of the U-Men. He get shot by the swat team while making his speech> it’s an effective opening but one that’s become more uncomfortable to read with each passing day due to school shootings going up and up in number. And mass shootings in general and I... I need a second. I need something to relax me

Thank you Stoopy. Your doing Odd’s Work. 

So the news reports on this and we soon see how Jean watches the news.. by using Cerebra to read the minds of every person on the planet. Neat. Everyone’s talking about them. We also get a hint for later as we hear on the suicide of one martha johanson who wrote the note in her own blood. She’ll be important later.... and I mean that both in the context of this retrospective and for the fact she’ll go on to be part of x-men in perpetuity. 

This is also where another great concept of Morrison’s pops up: Mutant culture. After all mutants are a minority, they should have their own culture. It’s something Hickman’s era has taken and ran with, but it’s a damn good idea and one that it shoudln’t of taken almost 20 years for someone else to use given Decimation was undone way back around 2012 in Avengers Vs X-Men, aka that event half hte articles on the mcu around the fox sale used as either their image for the article or asked about happneing. And yes that is a pet peeve of mine: while I do think like Civil War AVX could use a movie version to make it better, I don’t think it’s an event that could be done right away and would have to be almost entirely redone anyway given the context for AvX is entirely couched in decimation i.e. something NO ONE wants in any x-adaptation. 

So it turns out while watching the news in a next level way Jean is also talking to Logan. “Stay out of my personal fantasies”. Yeah I .. I don’t think your ready for a hairy canadian dry humping a transformer.. specifically killbison. And yes.. that is an actual transformer and why yes, I have been waiting to bring him up. 

And he is , and I am not making any of this up, part of a group of decpticons known as the breastforce. Your life is better for knowing that and you are welcome. 

Anyway as you’d imagine a genocidal old woman in her brothers’ body leaving the X-Men to fend for themselves after having a teenager bludgeon one into a coma after publicly outing them with a rabid bunch of bigoted morons at the gates has not gone great. Henry is still out and despite the short staffing Jean needs logan to stay where he is as he’s close to an emerging mutant and within range to go get her. 

Emma of course has never been so fucking irate in her whole life and is plotting various forms of psychic tourture with the help of her proteges the Stepford Cucokoo, 5 teenage mutants who functoin best as a unit and are easily some of MOrrison’s most prominent additions to the x-cast. Unlike a lot of the x-kids, they’ve been featured prominently in every era of x-men after this including the current one. 

Jean decides for a less “Make them hate us even more” approach, but no less pissed off, opening the gates and going out directly to chew out the assembled bigoted morons, pointing out the ones carrying “Mutants Go Home!” signs are especailly dumb as this IS her home. And while she dosen’t point this part out, it’ the same for all of them: most of the mutants are either adults who choose to live here, teenagers who along with their parents choose to live here, or in the majority teens who have no where else to go due to either being abandoned by their families or it being way to dangerous for said families for them to stay due to bigoted assholes like the ones holding mutants go home signs. 

A member of the press asks if she’s willing to talk to the media and she refutes most of his bullshit allegations: He asks if their building an army, she and Scott respond they are not and are simply educating mutants and protecting them. When he counters with the fact their living weapons and wearing uniforms... she counters with the fact she’s wearing them to protect herself, rightfully, from people like her, and the x-men are an aid orginzation going where needed to protect the world and while asshole points out no one apointed them.. jean shuts him down by pointing out there are no mutants in goverment and a genocide just happened, so someone has to do the job. Another random asshole tries to pipe up with “Genosha declared war on us” and Emma senses this is just going to go round and round and round and simply presses the assembled mob’s “bliss buttons” in their brains to knock them out. Non violent but honestly warranted: A dangerous part of bigoted assholes is they’l bring up racist bullshit to try and couch it like an actual conversation. None of these complaints really hold water if you looked at the x-men’s history for more than 5 minutes. Yes Charles is training them to fight and yes hte ingial class was an army but every class since has only been trained for self defense: they still got into adventures and what not, but it was usually by their own choice or because they were thrust into them by circumstance. Xaviers is exactly what jean said and endudgling these morons, while good on paper, only makes them seem legit. 

Jean retreats to the infirmary where she’s on the verge of breaking down from the sheer weight of everything. Cyclops proves that despite not being the best husband right now... he still loves his wife, offering to go look into Sublime with Emma and hoping Hank wakes up. Turns out his mind for now is a big blank room.

So she can’t get any info off his skull, and neither of the two think what happened with Beak adds up. Something is up here. Their also coming down with colds which will be important later. And just as important.. Magneto is becoming a symbol among people and merch sales with his image are on the rise.  We then get this. 

So Jean is trying to be a supportive, honest wife, and while the questions incredibly insulting.. his answer is equally so. Spoilers, as mentioned we do get an answer long after this.. and they did not. So Jean is wrong to be suspcious, at this point, but is at least trying to be polite about it and gave him the benifit of the doubt.. and Scott basically said he slept with her without actually saying it despite not having to. You could’ve said “no we did not have sex, we simply talked all night”. It’s not ENTIRELY better given the horrible state of their relationship right now, but it’s still better than HEAVILY implying he rocked her body to the break of dawn for no damn reason. 

So we meet our next major addition to the cast Angel Salvador, an abused teen who is a mutant.. and whose abusive and molesting step dad beats her and throws her out over this. The scene’s a bit overdone, coming off like an after school special.. but it’s what happens AFTER that’s truly heartwrenching. 

A poor scared teenager clutching herself, finding herself homeless alone and desperatly wishing she wasn’t what she was. It’s just a striking image and shows how well Grant uses the mutant metaphor. I could easily see myself in that position had my parents not been good peopl and had I come out far sooner as bi. The idea of desperatly hoping your not what you are simply becaus eof what hell it brings, despite all the joy it can bring too. . it’s heartbreaking to hear. 

Naturally though things don’t get much better as the next morning the U-Men have found her, calling her a freak and successfully kidnapping her.. if only because while she uses acid spit to escape, she flies into a power line. 

We then get Sublimes meeting with Emma and Scott and a BETTER use of teh u-men as while Grant made the horrible mistake of calling them “transpecies”, seriously what the fuck were you thinking, the way sublime frames it here is a MUCH better, much less accidently bigoted concept. 

The idea isn’t bad: A group of humans jealous of the mutants powers, blatantly ignoring the horrible downsides and mountain of persecution that comes with being one. Grant just made the mistake of couching in in Trans metaphors, clearly trying to have the U-Men steal from Trans People too as a way to make themselves seem legit. And I say if you want superpowers.. fine.. wanting to be a superhero or a mutant is fine, the issue with the U-Men is their copoting a culture, trying to be part of mutantkind without having any of the drawbacks and by actively butchering them. It’s why the concept HAS shown up elsewhere; it’s not TERRIBLE, Grant just made a bad creative choice that’s only gotten worse as Transphobia has ramped up further and further. 

Sublime denies it when our heroes bring up Hong Kong.. but naturally he’s simply just keeping them talking long enough to bring out his trump cards, an army of u-men and a brain in a jar he uses to incapacitate them.. and announces his plan to use the school as an organ farm for his third species. 

Meanwhile Logan finds the U-Men in their truck preparing to rip angel apart.. and given he snikit’s soon after.. i’ts very clear whose REALLY about to get ripped apart. 

Germ Free Generation Part 2: 

Part two begins wth Sublime monologoging about how Mutantkind are just cattle to them and reveals the brain is martha’s, her sucicide having been faked and her brain currently being controlled to use as a weapon. 

So while Johnny monlogues we find out what happened with Wolverine last issue he didn’t cut up the guys yet as they fired their little flichete guns at him... it was about as useful and effective as you’d expect and the massacre you were expecting occurs. Though in a nice bit of reality the fact wolverine’s soaked in blood and just killed a bunch of blood shockingly does not make the already frighttend teen feel he’s safe and she spits acid on him. Logan pours some stuff on the acid, figuring rightly a black ops murder farmacy would have something to counteract it and tells her she’s safe now .. and tells the guy behind him not to try it. He’s stupid and does anyway and likely gets a claw to the head off panel. 

They go to a diner to eat and find a local asshole who threatens them with a shot gun to leave once angel uses her power to digest and goes on a rant about how he snapped his own son’s neck to prevent him being born a freak. Just.. fucking hell this arc is not good for my depression. We get some more angst from Angel and whiel her dialouge is not the best, i’ts a too bit mark millar flavored edgelordy for my taste and if I wanted that i’d go read Ultimates or Ultimate X-Me, her pain is real and Logan helps her through it. 

Back at the Mansion the U-Men are on their way to strike, whlie Jean unaware continues to buckle under the weight of all the shit she’s had to deal with, feeling SOMETHING is making them weak with the colds and something worse is going on and thus tries going to Beak’s mind instead and gently helps talk him through it, showing her grace and empathy.. and in return finding out Charles was the one responsible. The alarms flair up and Jean tries calling the police now that’s an option.. but it goes exactly how you’d expect. 

Also a second artist took over for this issue and the next Igor Kordey. He’s fine, but not nearly as good as Quitely or Van Sciver and it shows. Meanwhile Beast awakens and heads for the body drawer with Cassandra’s body, and professor’s mind in it. 

However Jean’s finally had enough and got her second wind. She’s outgunned, outmanned and left to her own devices. And she’s fucking fed up with it. She steels herself and assembles the students. This is obviously a last resort.. but some of them can defend themselves and their going to need to. But today they won’t be learning.. they’ll be teaching and as the U-Men call them defensless Jeans simply asks “Are you sure about that?”

Germ Free Generation Part 3:

So we come to the finale of this arc. Angel is once again an ungreatful brat to logan and he opts to just leave her there if sh’es going to be like that pointing out being a mutant sucks, it’s going to keep sucking.. and she needs to deal with it instead of lashing out at him and herself over it. 

We get back to the U-Men, one of whom is utterly flabergasted they want to him to cut of Cyclops head... only for Emma to awaken.. and take back her regular form meaning she has her telepathy back. The only reason they were able to get her ealier is she was in diamond mode which is stronger but lacks that, a nice way to check and ballance her new powers. She quickly takes them out and disables Martha. 

Back at the school we get one of Jean’s definting moments for me and a true chance to show how badass she can be. Before this while Morrison wrote her well, and his version’s still my favoirite, she didn’t really get to do much and was motly in the background. This arc has been her time in the limelight, having trouble grappling with all the stress of running this place by herself.. and emerging from it stronger, more capable and ready to kick some racist weirdo ass. She tries a few diffrent tactics first, having a mutant with a voice power project it to make them think their san invisible army and having the cuckoos fuck with their heads but when both fail, Jean REALLY gets to show off. Thier blade ammo gets turned into a cool looking 3 dimensioinal shape with her telekneisis, and in a cool moment and a wise use of something gross makes the only one of them with useable powers throw up, before issuing a badass boast, wreathed in flames all while she crumples their guns into uselessness. and tears open their suits. 

Bad ass.. and logan and Angel arrive just in time for the cecendo as hte u-men flee in terror

The Phoenix has been Reborn. Jean Grey has risen from the ashes and returned to full power. 

Meanwhile Sublime is pankcing.. and it gets worse when Emma shows up, fully enraged after all of this and has some words for him. 

Iconic. Emma prepares to drop him out of a building but Scott rightly tries to get her to back off, pointing out the pr nightmare it’d create and the fact that they have enough evidence ot shut him down. Martha however has other ideas and gets him to let go of his own accord, falling to his death.. but given he’d aranged a stunt for the press apparently this gives our heroes deniability and Martha her revenge. 

So we end this three parter as Jean revels in her new power, and Beast returns with an announcment:

Final Thoughts for Germ Free Generation:  This arc is pretty good if forgetable. The struggle of Jean to run the school herself and her rising from the ashes of her own pain at the end with the power of the phoenix at the end is fantastic, finally both giving her a chance to shine.. and a worrying sign for her friends given what her phoenix force copy whose memories she has a copy of, long story, did is awesome. The other parts are okay and ehhhhhhhhh though. Scott and Emma’s investigation into the u-men while having a really good climax, is pretty standard x-men stuff, and Wolverin’es trek with angel is just okay with Angel being highly intolerable during this arc, with Morrison trying a bit TOO hard to make her a “realistic” teen instead coming off as horribly unplesant. She’s supposed to just be lashing out but comes off obnxious as a result. That said this arc does furhter a lot of Morrisons best idea and introduce more, and is a great setup for our next arc, which we’ll get to in two weeks. Soooo

Next Time On X-Men: We find out just what the hell Cassandra Nova is, what her plans are, and what happened with her and charles as our heroes come down with a cold as the might of the shiar empire bears down on them. It’s IMperial in two weeks. 

Next Time ON This BLog: Speaking of long Delayed Projects, I finally return to The Life and Times of Scrooge McDuck as a young Scrooge starts his prospecting career, learning the ins and outs from a rich new mentor, and finding the price tag striking it rich comes with. Raid a copper hill with me tommorow. 

If you liked this review, subscirbe for more, join my patreon, and if there’s a comic you’d like me to cover suggest it in the comments or outright comission a review from me via ask. See you at the next rainbow

[wetalkinboutbooks]

New Year, New Review 🤩

A Sky Beyond the Storm by Sabaa Tahir

Summary: The long-imprisoned jinn are on the attack, wreaking bloody havoc in villages and cities alike. But for the Nightbringer, vengeance on his human foes is just the beginning.

At his side, Commandant Keris Veturia declares herself Empress, and calls for the heads of any and all who defy her rule. At the top of the list? The Blood Shrike and her remaining family.

Laia of Serra, now allied with the Blood Shrike, struggles to recover from the loss of the two people most important to her. Determined to stop the approaching apocalypse, she throws herself into the destruction of the Nightbringer. In the process, she awakens an ancient power that could lead her to victory--or to an unimaginable doom.

And deep in the Waiting Place, the Soul Catcher seeks only to forget the life--and love--he left behind. Yet doing so means ignoring the trail of murder left by the Nightbringer and his jinn. To uphold his oath and protect the human world from the supernatural, the Soul Catcher must look beyond the borders of his own land. He must take on a mission that could save--or destroy--all that he knows. (Taken from Goodreads)

Our Ratings:  

 → Geena:  ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

 → Kae: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Overall: The final instalment of the Ember Quartet had us crying in the metaphorical club. It’s exciting, terrifying, and probably the horniest book in the series and we loved it!

~Spoiler-full discussion below~

The Good:

→ Elias and Laia

Geena: In the final instalment of the Ember quartet, Sabaa deprives us of an Elias POV and slaps us with the Soulcatcher instead… He’s very much an ‘emotions are bad’ type of dude, the opposite of Elias who always had so many… but both of them are so angsty? The Soulcatcher really likes to beat up trees when his memories from when he was Elias resurface which was so emo to me. Despite being possessed by Mauth he is also such a coward, especially around Laia, because Elias’ feelings for Laia scare him and every single time he is like *running emoji*. We were surprised that Sabaa let him remain the soulcatcher for so long, every chapter I was like ‘Okay, maybe this is where Elias breaks through…’ but no.. Elias remained buried UNTIL their night in the cabin… the Soulcatcher was like ‘k I’m out’ but ONLY for ONE NIGHT and that still makes me scream.. The Soulcatcher was like ‘you kids are too horny for me, I’m gonna take a nap for a bit and let Elias take over bc Jesus.’ 

Despite it all, the Soulcatcher’s chapters were enjoyable albeit painful because this man was so duty bound, like even Elias wasn’t that dedicated when he was a Mask. But near the end, when we finally get the chapter that starts with Elias…. Ngl I cried a little, and immediately wanted to reread the whole series (I feel like Sabaa did this on purpose to torture us). I want to fight Sabaa though, like she did an amazing job showing how Elias’ conscious and the Soulcatcher’s conscious were constantly fighting one another, and how Elias’ memories of the people he loved ultimately fuelled the Soulcatcher’s actions… even though the Soulcatcher was like ‘I’m doing this for the ghosts’ like okay… no ghost told you to keep protecting and kissing Laia but you still did it…  

Kae: Okay, so Geena summed up my boy Ilyaas pretty damn well. Also, we LOVE HIS ETHNIC NAME IN THIS HOUSE. But um, YES. Elias was a sad boy ™ the whole time while fighting his emotions and ultimately losing. It was so PAINFUL as a reader, seeing all of  his chapters except the ONE say ‘Soulcatcher’. But when it finally said ELIAS again, I too, started to cry. Because he was BACK. 

You can all thank the power of Laia’s determination to seduce Elias back to himself, because our girl was NOT giving up. She said ‘you gonna get this coochie, dammit’ and in the cabin, Elias was like ‘well i’ll be damned. I sure as hell am. I am BACK BAYBEEEEE’

Geena: Sabaa Tahir said horny rights like ksjdnfdsjknfsdk

Kae: AUFVAHLHVKJ. BUT YES. In the end, love won. And so did sex because everyone was doin it or TRYING to do it. I guess when the world is ending, you only get one last time to uhh…. Have a good time. So they made sure they did lmao 

Now, let’s get into Laia. 

Laia. My sweet little cupcake. My mug of tea with too much honey. This girl has been through literal hell and back, and yet, she kept going. She NEVER gave up. Laia woke up in book 4 like ‘Today i will commit crimes. Helene and I crave violence’ and they both just started kicking ASS and I LOVED THAT. I was really happy to see the progression of Laia and Helen’s friendship and how they genuinely grew to like one another and see each other as besties. They both deserved a girl friend and I’m glad they found a friendship within each other. 

Laia is the bravest character in this damn book. She went from poor scholar, to slave, to hero and she was brave because she had to be. Laia is strong and took on their entire world. She had help, but she did a lot of it alone and that takes some real guts. She is the most genuine, sweetest, bravest girl and I love her. <3 

Laia also single handedly brought the Ilyaas back from his Soulcatcher shit. During this whole book she was just like ‘You know what? I think I’mma go mess with Elias’ emo ass today to see if I can get him to kiss me or something’ THEN SHE PROCEEDED TO SHOW UP AT THIS MANS HOUSE (realm or whatever) BUTTASS NEKKID. And he saw her and immediately flew the hell out of there it was TOO MUCH and he LIKED IT but couldn’t admit it. 

Geena: You know what I love about that whole scene was like earlier she was like ‘He’s a lost cause idc’ and then Darin was like ‘Elias wouldn’t give up on you if that happened’ and Laia was like ‘you’re right, he would show up stark naked and try to seduce me back to my body’ and she did just that...

Kae: SHE DID. SHE SHOWED UP AND SHOWED OUT! Like, her entire mission was to bring Elias back while also planning on taking down the Nightbringer. But she was straight up like ‘okay but not before i get my man back through SEDUCTION’. Ugh, the mango scene?  Superb. 

Geena: Laia is hands down one of my favourite book characters to exist. Her journey from the first book being a scared girl with a missing brother, to being the face of a revolution… like the GROWTH. Like Kae mentioned, she and Helene end up as BESTIIEESSSS, and I was surprised at how natural they seemed. Because we went from them hating each other to close friends, but despite not seeing their development, it came off so natural? So, I loved that! 

Kae covered Laia’s character pretty thoroughly, she was both a horndog and a bad bitch. Like this girl has pretended to be a Slave for the Commandment to travelling a desert by herself and facing off a squad of Jinn… In retrospect, Laia is a unique case, she’s allowed to be kind and caring and doesn’t have to be a fighter type to be strong. She’s not the chosen one, which this book made clear, it could’ve been anyone to fight the Nightbringer… but only Laia was strong enough to love him AND defy him. And I just love her a lot… she was very much an anime protagonist with the power of love, family, and friendship… anyways I love her and that’s all I have to say

→ Helene 

Geena: The way I ended up liking and rooting for Helene this book? Came out of left field. To be honest, in previous books I didn’t feel much for her other than ‘stop chasing after Elias and Laia pls.’ But this book I wanted her to win, especially with the fight against the germanic-esque invaders. She goes through substantial development, no longer seeing Scholars as slaves and taking their opinions seriously.. Like Laia, Musa, and Darin were all a part of her crew. A stark difference from Book 1 Helene, who thought Scholars only had one role in the world and that was slaves. 

Helene… like Laia… really has the Ember equivalent of hot girl summer with Harper… all the time she spends denying it she is like *jumps on him the chance she gets*. The bath scene… Helene’s power was turning her tortuer into her MAN… But also Sabaa said that ‘yes she has changed, but she has to repent for her sins’ and that’s why Helene is basically left alone at the end (save for Laia, Elias, and Musa). 

Kae: So not gonna lie, I never actually disliked Helene. I saw her as the flawed character she was in the beginning. During her cat and mouse chase with Elias and Laia in the beginning, she would piss me OFF because like, that’s your BEST FRIEEEEEND. JUST STAAAAHP. But also, it was him or her and her family's death, so I get it. But I always saw potential in her to be better. And thank GOODNESS she went through all that character development. Because she was a damn menace in the beginning. 

Also like Geena mentioned; Helly and Harper finally hooking up? I swear the heavens opened up in that moment because EVERYONE could feel their tension. LIKE JUST DO IT ALREADY. You can’t fight love, baybeeee

Watching Helly grow as a person was really rewarding as a reader. Like Geena said, she went from hating scholars to being like ‘hmm, maybe my opinions are shitty?’ and straight up changed.  I also feel for her because she lost her ENTIRE family and like, honestly? I would’ve given up. BUT SHE DIDN’T. She’s a literal fighter, bred for this shit. So she FOUGHT. And I was really scared she was gonna get murked because y’all know Keris’ tiny evil ass doesn’t have a chill button. And when they were fighting? I was like LAWD PLS DON’T  TAKE HELLY. But instead he took Harper *upside down smiley face* SO THAT WAS FUCKED UP AND I WASN’T READY FOR IT. But a piece of me knew it was coming. 

The Bad:   

→ Darin and Harper

Geena: As Kae mentioned… Harper kicked the can in this book :’( His eventual fall came from loving and caring for Helene too much, which left him open and gave Keris the chance to stab him. Harper was basically Helene’s heart outside her body, and when he went down so did Helene. I had had a feeling when Book 3 ended that Harper wouldn’t make it, but I WASN’T HAPPY ABOUT BEING RIGHT FOR ONCE… Harper had finally met his brother (Elias) and hadn’t even had a chance to meet the real Elias and talk to him about their father or other sibling stuff. LIKE OF ALL CHARACTER DEATHS… AND THERE WAS A LOT… The other one that came out of left field was fucking Darin of Serra… DARIN… THE ONE DUDE WE SPENT TWO WHOLE BOOKS SAVING… DEAD WITH A SNAP OF HIS NECK!! I WAS SO MAD

LIKE SABAA HAD US THINKING HE WAS GONNA BE SAFE, SHE GAVE HIM A LIL GIRLFRIEND AND EVERYTHING BUT THEN SHE GOES.. AND KILLS HIM?? JUST LIKE THAT?? Then we had to read the scenes where Elias helps both Darin and Harper pass over into the afterlife and I was just *cries angrily* 

Kae: Well, THAT was sad. Have you ever just like, felt your heart break into a million tiny irreparable pieces? That’s how I felt when Darin and Harper died. Because like, they were both trying to save the women they loved. Darin to Laia, (foolishly so against the Nightbringer) but I would do it for my little sister too. And Harper with Helene against evilass Keris. Dude, that shit just sucked. It hurt to read. It hurt to imagine the girls feeling the pain of their deaths. They were both such good men. And DARIIIN. 

Darin didn’t have to go out like that, man. It was such a harsh death. No last words. It was just over and his body was just gone. I wish Laia would’ve been able to talk with him at The Waiting Place at least one last time. But it is what it is. I hated to see both of them go. Especially since Darin pretty much sparked this whole series. 

Sure, Laia, Helene, and Elias were the main characters. But Darin was the spark that started the fire. And he didn’t even get to see it’s flames extinguished. 

Geena: He was the ember in the ashes… literally like Sabaa uses that for Elias and Laia but it applies to Darin the most

Kae: LITCHRALLY gonna get teary eyed over here. Our boys deserved better :( 

Conclusion 

Geena: This was not at all a disappointing end to the series we’ve followed closely for so long. The different plot points and character arcs were tied up nicely, and Sabaa Tahir showed us once again why she’s one of the best fantasy writers on this side of the Milky Way. We didn’t even bother including a ‘The Ugly’ section because we loved it too much ksfmsd. The only qualm I’d have with the end was the empire remaining, Helene recognized the Scholars as equals but centuries of pain isn’t easily forgotten you know? SO THAT’S WHY I THINK WE DESERVE A SEQUEL SERIES… BUT I DIGRESS… OVERALL, I loved this book and the ending for all the characters ESPECIALLY FOR OUR GIRL LAIA <3

Kae: YES. I AGREE 100% WITH GEENA. It was such a beautiful end to the series. Sabaa is  GENIUS and her storytelling is phenomenal. I loved every little surprise she’s hidden in all of the books. ESPECIALLY WITH COOK BEING ALIVE? I DIDN’T SEE THAT SHIT COMING AT ALL. LIKE HOLY SHIT? So Laia had some remaining family afterall, and I think that’s very sweet. I’m really sad to see the series be over with and Geena and I are both *~HOPIIIING~* for an epilogue or some little crumbs or SOMETHING with the gang and how their lives ended up into middle adulthood or something. 

Geena: I would literally take a single paragraph… Ms. Tahir…. Blease…

Kae: But yes, in conclusion, Laia has a heart of gold and we LOVE HER. She’s brave and strong and smart, and was the only one out of THOUSANDS to stick for herself and defy the Nightbringer, and save the whole world. Helene has come a long way and she developed beautifully as a character. And Elias. Ohhh, Ilyaas. His continued self sacrifice and bravery and love still helped him live in the end and I think that’s beautiful. 

[dandivinity]

Madokannon: Religious Symbolism in Madoka Magica

If there’s one word I’d use to describe the show, Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica, it would be deceptive. If you’re wondering how a cute Sailor Moon rip-off with even brighter colors and a moe art-style is deceptive, congrats, you fell for the deception. As the series continues, it becomes clear that the show is not a cut-and-dry monster of the week where good always triumphs. Rather it is a pastel-colored Faustian bargain where even the best intentions can lead to dire consequences. In the end it is only through the titular characters unshakeable hope and faith and no small amount of divine intervention that the series reaches it’s bitter sweet conclusion. This is obvious upon a first viewing. What is less obvious is the nature that this divine intervention takes. While the show occasionally makes direct connections to Christianity, It seems to me that the theology implemented is Buddhist through and through complete with Four noble truths, samsara, vile rebirth, and an allegory of the bodhisattva Kannon. 

Let’s start with the basis of the show, the wishes. This is one of Madoka’s most prominent aspects and the largest concern from the beginning of the series before the villain’s true underpinnings are revealed. For those of you not familiar, 1). Why are you reading this? And 2). The set-up of the Madoka,  like most magical girl anime, involves a cute animal mascot offering the girls magical powers in order to fight monsters. What makes this set up unique however is that the oh so cute cat-bunny-thing known as Kyubey also offers the girls one wish as an incentive so that they would accept it’s “contract”. Now the use of the word “contract” is an obvious red flag meant to alert us to the Faustian nature of the deal. And yes, the agreement comes with several hidden clauses that Kyubey conveniently leaves out such as the fact that becoming a magical girl involves having your soul removed from your body and placed into a gem because it’s “easier to protect”. But Kyubey’s not exactly stealing it like a Christian devil would. More importantly than the hidden clauses though, is the wishes themselves.

Now stories of the devil tempting people with promises of wealth or power are quite common in Western literature, as are tales of djinn or monkey paws providing wishes that always go wrong in Near Eastern lit. But what’s extraordinary about Madoka is that for the most part the wishes the girls grant are simple in nature and rather generous. Our main focus point, and the only wish we see pursued from beginning to end in chronological order is that of Sayaka Miki. Sayaka is established to be crushing on a boy who was a former violin prodigy before a car accident left him paralyzed with no hope of playing ever again. Sayaka wishes for him to be healed, and just like that, it’s done. 

The boy does not relapse, nor does he lead into another accident. He simply starts a miraculous yet slow path to recovery, until the series finale where he is shown without crutches and playing beautifully for a wide audience. The problem? Well as pointed out before Sayaka even makes the wish, she’s wasn’t actually doing it for him: she was on an unconscious level hoping that he’d be forever grateful to her. Does she hold this over him? No. Does he reject her? No. She simply doesn’t ask. Sayaka is too busy with her new responsibilities and ashamed of what she has become to ask. 

And frankly the importance of Kyosuke in Sayaka’s fall is largely overstated by the fanbase. Yes, he’s a large factor but even more so than wanting to heal him or his gratitude, Sayaka wants to be a hero. This is heightened when their magical mentor dies within the first three episodes. Sayaka now feels like it’s her responsibility to protect her city as no one else will. Unfortunately, she’s simply not as strong as her former mentor or the new morally unsound magical girls that seeks to dispose of her (both Kyoko and Homura). This is really what leads to Sayaka’s downward spiral as she comments, “The world doesn’t need a magical girl who can’t even kill a witch”. Sayaka wants to be a hero, and she wants to get the guy and she gets neither. Her desires, both fulfilled and unfulfilled, all lead to her suffering. This is the First Noble Truth of Buddhism. 

I realize this isn’t the most convincing argument on its own but let’s zoom out a bit here. What is desire if not earthly attachments? Attachment and inability to let go of attachment is a concept found in nearly all the wishes in the show. It doesn’t matter if it’s Sayaka’s wishing for her friend’s health, Mami literally trying to cling to life, or Kyoko (in the most directly religious moment in the show) wishing that people would come to her father’s sermons so that her family could have enough to eat. All of these desires are moral in some way and yet they are still desires. More importantly, they all involve a longing for what once was, and are attempts to return things to how they were rather than moving on. This inability to let go is characterized not just in the wishes but in the reason they’re implemented in the first place. 

When Kyubey finally explains why they knowingly cause suffering to countless adolescent girls throughout time, they explain it’s to harvest enough renewable energy from the emotions of magical girls to stave off the entropy of the universe. The whole process is rather convoluted and -let’s face it- an excuse to deconstruct magical girl tropes, but that doesn’t change the fact that preventing the heat death of the universe is still Kyubey’s number one goal. That combined with their inability to truly understand the suffering they’re causing has caused some of the community to question their villain status or at least say they’re a villain with a just cause. And while postponing the heat death of the universe may be noble in the long run, it is a literal fight against the impermanence of the universe. A fight that we know from Buddhism is doomed to only lead to personal trauma in the face of inevitability of a changing world. But it is this fight against impermanence that kyubey embodies so well, and one that is baked into the wish-based magical girl system they run. 

Ok, enough beating around the bush. It’s time to talk about Homura. After spending most of the show as a mysterious red-herring villain that knows far too much, Homura finally gets an episode dedicated to her near the end of the show where it’s revealed she’s a time traveller who restarted the timeline over and over again in order to make her wish come true; to be able to save Madoka. Specifically  Homura has to replay the same month over and over again until she can succeed in saving Madoka’s life and cannot escape until this goal is reached.  This obsession leads to a very literal samsara, by repeating the timeline again and again Homura is actively choosing to trap herself in endless cycles of suffering, death, and rebirth all because of her attachment to the mortal world. Through this process we can see Homura fall apart becoming more and more monstrous in her single-minded focus to save Madoka at the expense of everything else. By the time she arrives at our main timeline that the rest of the show takes place in, Homura is comparable to a hungry ghost. She’s directly accused of walking through the world as if dead, unable to feel anything except for the desire that damned her in the first place, her obsession with Madoka. When even this too seems lost, she nearly becomes a witch. 

In Mahayana Buddhism, rebirth on earth is not the worst thing that can happen after one’s death. If one leads a sufficiently desperate life they can be reborn as an animal, hungry ghost, or in hell. This is where Madoka’s witches come from. Perhaps the most tragic twist in Madoka Magica is that if a magical girl falls into despair (usually due to her wish’s inability to make her happy), her soul gem will transform into a grief seed which then becomes one of the monsters they fight. These nightmare collage monsters have new names separate from their old identities and live in pocket dimensions where they lure people in. These pocket dimensions often in someway manifests the desires of their old lives being filled with sweets, TVs, or (in Sayaka’s case) violinists. Interestingly, when Sayaka first dies and is reborn as the witch Octavia in a train station, her labyrinth is also full of railroad tracks. She relocates to a concert hall and the labyrinth follows suit, but train wheels remain despite having no apparent bearing on her previous life. This could be a reference to Buddhist beliefs about your final thoughts and which direction you look when you die having bearing on which realm you’ll be reborn into. 

Homura’s obsession in contrasted by Madoka’s ability to let go. Madoka’s final wish and subsequent ascension has often been compared to Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross, and rightfully so. Madoka’s wish to become a cosmic force that can take on all the despair of magical girls before they become witches at the cost of her own mortal life has many strong parallels to Jesus suffering on the cross to redeem humanity. However that idea only works if Jesus is suffering. Madoka is stated to be taking the grief of every magical girl who ever became a witch onto herself and we even see a far future version of her becoming a witch large enough to destroy the world. But before it does it is shot down by another version of a truly ascended Madoka in a white dress. This version states paradoxically that since her wish applies to all magical girls that would become witches, that includes herself. The fluidity of time and direct denial of the necessity of suffering or sacrifice are at odds with Orthodox Chriastianity, or at least its perception of Jesus. Rather I argue that the way Madoka saves all the magical girls, her subsequent erasure from existence, and even such mundane symbols such as the white dress all link her closer to the Bodhisattva, Kannon. 

Let’s take a closer look at the scene where we see Madoka actually ascends and manifests to relieve the potential witches of their grief. We see Madoka split herself into thousands shafts of light, all of which appear above different suffering magical girls in different places and time periods. And above all of them Madoka appears, she touches their corrupted soul gems which are then purified before shattering, allowing the magical girls to die in peace. A rather sad ending, but one that’s better than rebirth as a witch, which we already identified as equivalent to the hell realm. So while it is unclear where the magical girls are going to go after they die (or even if they go anywhere at all as we just saw the gems holding their souls shatter, possibly destroying them), we can know that Madoka is saving them from a worse rebirth. This directly parallels miracle tales that surround the Bodhisattva Kannon, especially in her Chinese incarnation as the white-robed Guanyin. 

Kannon is the primary example of Bodhisattva or one who has put off Budhahood to aid those still on earth. Kannon in particular swears to never ascend until all living things have been freed of samsara. She’s often depicted as having 11 heads and a thousand arms to better reach all those suffering in the world at once, like how Madoka splits herself into a myriad of forms. Many of these tales have devotees of Guanyin spared from tragic fates such as beheadings or shipwrecks. However a few, adapt these stories to instead refer to a more metaphorical salvation, especially in the pure land tradition popular in Japan which then says that anyone who calls out to Kannon on the verge of their death will be still die and be reborn to the pure land rather than wherever else they were supposed to reincarnate. Madoka’s god form even highly resembles the Chinese incarnation, Guanyin. Wikipedia states, “Guanyin is generally portrayed as a young woman wearing a flowing white robe, and usually also necklaces symbolic of Indian or Chinese royalty. In her left hand is a jar containing pure water, and the right holds a willow branch.” While we never see Madoka with any water; the flowing white dress, red gems along her collar bone, and branch-like bow (though on that seems to be more of a sakura branch) all bring to mind Guanyin.

Finally Madoka’s ascension ends with her body dissolving into glimmers of light as she explains how no one will remember her, but she’ll still be there. This dissolution of the her spiritual body is a visual symbol of ego-death. Madoka recreates a word where she does not exist, and had never existed, yet still manifests as a concept and virtuous force that leads others to salvation rather than as a sentient entity. This is the Nirvana. Madoka hadn’t just ascended to godhood, she had surpassed it and achieved nothingness, as her buddha nature radiates throughout the world, ultimately changing it into something better. This is the paradox of Buddhism and the goal of any buddhist practitioner, to achieve an inner peace so strong you become a part of the universe like madoka had. And the new world she created was better for it. 

That is at least until the show decided to  make a movie sequel and trick madoka into descending. At that point she stops acting as a Buddha and instead as Pistis Sophia in line with the obscure belief system of 2nd century Gnostics. But that will be a conversation for another time. 

[apiratecalledav]

Okay, reluctantly leaving my happily ever after AU/denial land for a minute because it’s been like two months and I still see people say bullshit like, “If Jaime was going to go back to Cersei, then Brienne should have died” and urgh. No. Just... no.

I won’t even get into how awful it is to reduce Brienne to that as a character within her own right because trivializing and misinterpreting her relationship with Jaime is bad enough. The main reason being that it completely overlooks one of the most important and poignant parts of Jaime’s character:

That even though Cersei was “the end of” Jaime, Jaime was in a lot of ways “the beginning of” Brienne.

While Cersei and Jaime were like kindling and oxygen getting devoured by fire and were destructive and toxic, Jaime and Brienne were like music and lyrics; complete individuals in their own right, but when they’re combined they created something new and amazing. Like two Valyrian steel swords reforged from one greatsword. If fate had been kinder, they would have been very happy together.

Unfortunately, growing up with Tywin (and Cersei), serving Aerys, and spending half his life being unjustly reviled, Jaime had a lot of issues with guilt and self-loathing that no one who didn’t take several advanced psychology classes would have been able to help with.

But despite Jaime’s personal demons, he tried as hard as he could to build up Brienne, not drag her down the way that Cersei did to him. Instead of using his relationship with Brienne for his benefit, he used it to benefit her: He helped Brienne to fulfill her oath to Cat and indirectly led to her being able to avenge Renly. He made it possible for her to go from being regarded as a failure and an oddity to being successful and respected. He knighted her. She fell in love with him and he loved her, too. No, it wasn’t enough to “fix” him (news flash: love isn’t a cure), but it was way, way more than what everyone around her ever expected. He loved her, not her father’s title or lands. And he loved her not in spite of her unusual, knightly demeanor but because of it.  And it wasn’t wishful thinking or all in her head or “but only as a friend.” Jaime Lannister, who was like, a five time winner of Westerosi Weekly’s “Sexiest Man Alive,” looked at Brienne of Tarth like this (so fuck you, Ronnet): 

Cersei saw Jaime as an extension of herself— her “other half” who got to have the kind of power and autonomy in society she desperately wished for herself because he was a man. Her feelings for him stemmed from narcissism and selfishness, dooming Jaime to virtually never being “good enough.”

Jaime also saw Brienne as everything he wished he could be— a true knight who was valiant and honorable, not because she was sworn to do so, but because she wanted to be. The difference here is that Jaime’s feelings for Brienne developed from admiration and respect and he is the one who didn’t feel worthy of her.

Because while Tyrion saw Jaime being with Brienne as Jaime finally allowing himself to be happy, I felt like Jaime saw it as being selfish. Telling Tyrion to “say something snide” made me think he was looking to be chastised. When Brienne tries to talk him out of dying with Cersei and tells him that he’s a good man, he nearly bursts into tears and reveals all of the worst things about himself. The most genuine and heartbreaking “it’s not you; it’s me” speech, like... ever.

If he truly believed that Brienne needed him, he would have stayed with her. We saw a long time ago that he was willing to leave the road that led back to Cersei to save Brienne from the bear pit, and risk his own life in the process. Just as he lost his right hand, his sword hand— when he believed that he “was that hand” and once said he’d rather die than be “grotesque”— to protect Brienne and keep her “whole.”

Even if it was only on a subconscious level, he obviously believed Brienne deserved to live more than he or Cersei did. But Brienne is safe after 8x03; the dead are defeated and she’s not only on the side with a damn dragon, she won’t even be expected to leave Sansa and Arya to fight. The only thing Jaime believes he’s doing for her is clouding her judgment, i.e. “tricking” her into thinking that he’s good and that he deserves her. In his mind, he did the same thing to Brienne that Cersei did to him. He thought Brienne would start making excuses for him, just as he had done so many times for Cersei. Look at his face and eyes when she says “You’re a good man.”

When Jaime told Tyrion that he “never cared” for innocents, I don’t believe he’s a Scooby-Doo villain removing his mask and saying, “Surprise! I’ve been an asshole all along.” It’s just the way he saw himself because he didn’t know how else to explain his mistakes, the (innocent) people he had hurt, or his inability to stop caring about Cersei even though she was horrible. We know that Jaime’s attachment to Cersei is unhealthy and the result of emotional abuse and other factors resulting from trauma. But Jaime saw it as proof he was a bad person.

He did for Brienne what (I can easily imagine) he wished Cersei had done for him— He tells Brienne that he’s hateful and effectively sets her “free” of him. When he perceived himself to be perpetuating the cycle of abuse, he stopped it (more “break the wheel” imagery?). Yeah, he did it in an awful, hurtful way but we have to remember that Jaime had no access to therapy, self-help books, advice columns, google, etc. He hadn’t had or even really seen a healthy relationship since his mother died when he was like seven. On top of that, his last real moment of pure love and acceptance was with Myrcella... about thirty seconds before she died in his embrace. That alone would screw up anyone. It’s tragic and devastating, but Jaime wasn’t in a place to make Brienne happy long term and he had absolutely no idea how to change that. It was easier to shut down those negative feelings when he could say, “I have a noble purpose: help stop ice demons and zombies from destroying the world.” When he couldn’t say that anymore, it got to be too much for him.

I’ve long thought that applying the “redemption arc” label to Jaime (or any asoif/got character, really) was a little too... simplistic. Like most major characters, Jaime has undoubtedly done some reprehensible things, the worst being his attempt to kill Bran. But unlike say Joffrey or Ramsay, Jaime’s thought process wasn’t, “Hey, let’s push this kid out of a window and see if his bones make a sweet crunching noise when he lands!”

He was thinking, “Oh, shit. This kid is probably too young to ‘play it cool’ for long around his parents after being threatened or bribed... And if he blabs, that’s my head cut off, Cersei’s head cut off, and if Joffrey, Tommen, and Myrcella aren’t immediately executed right behind us, they’ll be locked up until they’re old enough that people are less squeamish about chopping off their heads, too. And gee, I bet dear old Dad isn’t going to take that lying down...”

In a world as brutal as theirs, it’s difficult for me to condemn anyone too harshly for trying to protect themselves or their loved ones, provided they aren’t cavalier about collateral damage (for example, Cersei blowing up the sept with more than just her enemies inside and people in the surrounding area ending up getting crushed by the debris).

Early on, Jaime appeared to be arrogant, callous, and convinced that violence was an “easy solution.” As the series progressed, mostly through his growing friendship with Brienne, we discovered that a great deal of Jaime’s behavior was a defense mechanism.

After his “Kingslayer” persona slowly falls away, we eventually see “Jaime” (re)born in Brienne’s arms.

Soon, we even saw him gain a shiny, newly reforged Valyrian steel sword to go along with his new beginning . But he didn’t even have the sword very long before he turned around and gave it to Brienne— and kept the “tainted” Widow’s Wail for himself.

And when Brienne tried to return Oathkeeper,  that precious symbol of hope and honor and second chances, Jaime refused it and told her, “It’s yours. It will always be yours.” (Emphasis mine)

I know we were hoping that Brienne would “save” Jaime— and I firmly believe she was instrumental in saving his soul— but Jaime ended up ultimately saving Brienne. He saved her life, but he also saved her from an existence of loneliness and ridicule. In 4x02 (written by GRRM btw), Brienne tells Cersei, “In truth, he rescued me, Your Grace. More than once.”

Jaime was a flawed and deeply troubled person, but he tried his damnedest to give Brienne everything. No, he couldn’t literally do so— he couldn’t give her his whole, undamaged heart— but he still gave her so much: His admiration; his faith; his trust; his sword; his right hand; her protégé Podrick; helped her fulfill her vows and find good friends like Sansa, Tyrion, and Davos, and a kindred spirit in Arya; and made her dearest wish come true. What is that, if not love, of the truest and deepest kind?

Though Jaime likely thought his knighting of Brienne was merely a nice thing to do for her on their supposed last night on earth, it ended up having an unexpected and incredible impact once the North gained independence: Knights were already mainly a Southern thing and Brienne’s knighthood would have been absolutely worthless in an independent North. Sansa, being completely safe and secure and obviously knowing how much being knighted meant to Brienne, would assure her that she was released from her vow to Catelyn’s daughters. And so Ser Brienne is free to return to the Six Kingdoms, and offer her services to the new King, Cat Stark’s last surviving son. To Bran.

While Jaime once hurt Bran for Cersei’s sake and accidentally paved the way for years of war and destruction, Brienne, thanks to Jaime knighting her, will be able to dedicate herself to protecting Bran, insuring peace, and helping to rebuild.

All of the best parts of Jaime live on in Brienne and not just because she finished his entry in the Book of Brothers. She, and the doors that Jaime opened for her, are his legacy.

Brienne will be able to do the kinds of things Jaime wanted to do but couldn’t. She’ll help restore honor to the knighthood. There will be more Ser Briennes and Ser Davoses and Ser Podricks and fewer Ser Gregors, Ser Armorys, and Ser Meryns.

It truly baffles me to see people bitching about “wasted character arcs” and yet in the same breath are ready to throw Brienne and everything Jaime did for her away. Jaime’s character was frustrating and heartbreaking and maddening but it wasn’t a waste precisely because he made it possible for Brienne to have a bright future and a good life and it’s the proof that he truly was ultimately a much better person than his sister.

TL;DR:  If we must pigeonhole Jaime into the whole “redemption” thing, can’t we see that he did redeem himself through Brienne— by supporting her and validating her and making it possible for her to do the kind of great things he wished he could do himself?

PS: I’m fairly certain Jaime and Cersei’s ending was “softened” for the show, the way so many other characters and events have been. I highly doubt she’ll be pregnant and the idea that he was largely motivated to save their child certainly helped make the whole thing easier for me to swallow. As  Tyland Lannister, hand to the “broken King” Aegon III,  screams “Tyrion and Bran,” and Elissa Farman appears to be foreshadowing Arya’s similar journey/let’s us know it’s very possible she’ll survive... Aelora and Aelor Targaryen make me wonder if book Jaime will accidentally kill Cersei and then freak out and commit suicide. And if that’s the case, I’m glad the show went with something different, as rushed and clumsy as it was. I am glad that Jaime’s last moments weren’t violent or angry or otherwise cruel and didn’t have to add more to his overwhelming guilt and despair.

If he had to die, and especially if he had to die with Cersei, then it’s a good thing that he got to die as Joanna’s son— not Tywin’s— and as Tyrion’s brother— not Cersei’s. He got to die as the man who Brienne fell in love with: Someone who was brave and compassionate, fulfilling his oath, and being honorable in his way, even if it’s not in the way society (or the audience) understands or likes. Even though he was with Cersei, he remained as the man who could see— and love— the vulnerable human being beneath their “monstrous” exterior, just as he did for Brienne and Tyrion. Maybe Cersei didn’t “deserve” that, but Jaime certainly did. And in the White Book, when it’s said that Jaime died protecting his Queen, it’s not a lie. Which is the last thing Jaime would have wanted: “I'll hack the bloody book to pieces before I'll fill it with lies.”

I don’t know if Old Jaime would have intentionally hurt or murdered Cersei, but I definitely think he would have at least hurled out one last massive fuck you in a similar “why have the gods made me love a hateful woman?” way. He’d have reminded her that none of this would have happened if she wasn’t such a stubborn, vindictive wretch: If she hadn’t pushed Joffrey to ditch Sansa for Margaery, whose grandma ended up killing him; if she hadn’t tried to get Tyrion falsely executed, she wouldn’t have set off a chain of events that led to Tywin and Myrcella dying; if she hadn’t tried to screw over Margaery by giving the High Sparrow power; if she hadn’t blown up the Sept, Tommen wouldn’t have killed himself; if she had kept her promise to fight in the North; if she had just stepped down when Dany arrived, etc then maybe they wouldn’t about to damn near literally get crushed to death by all of Cersei’s bad decisions.

Old Jaime talked a lot of shit to people, presumably trying to make himself feel better. But he realized at some point, all it did was make them as miserable as he was. So in the end, when Cersei is so pitifully scared and sad, instead of getting pissed off or bitter, Jaime comforts her the best he can; an ability I don’t think he would have developed if it hadn’t been for his relationship with Brienne. We even see some rare moments of genuine selflessness from Cersei (“You’re bleeding” and “I don’t want our baby to die”). In Jaime and Cersei’s final moments, they act as close to normal siblings as they are capable, seeing as they don’t even try to kiss (thank goodness). This leaves Brienne as the last person Jaime kissed. And to me, that says it all.

Okay, back to our regularly scheduled “Grey Worm and Missandei said ‘fuck you, Westeros’ after The Long Night and dropped Jaime and Brienne off at Tarth on their way to Naath” way of life. 

[pilferingapples]

Tell me more about Marius and Montparnasse being mirror images of each other :3c

Since you ask, Nonny! But this will be a Long Post:

they really do get the same physical description: 

Marius was, at this epoch, a handsome young man, of medium stature, with thick and intensely black hair, a lofty and intelligent brow, well-opened and passionate nostrils...As his mouth was charming, his lips the reddest, and his teeth the whitest in the world, his smile corrected the severity of his face, as a whole. At certain moments, that pure brow and that voluptuous smile presented a singular contrast. ( 3.6.1, Hapgood translation)

A lugubrious being was Montparnasse. Montparnasse was a child; less than twenty years of age, with a handsome face, lips like cherries, charming black hair, the brilliant light of springtime in his eyes; he had all vices and aspired to all crimes. 3.7.3

--both got that Snow White thing going on:P   Hugo doesn’t bring in physical descriptions a lot in Les Mis; when he does, it’s for reasons beyond just painting a visual--generally to evoke a Type and/or some hefty Symbolism (always Some Symbolism, tbh, it’s Hugo).

More importantly, though, Hugo sets up Marius and Montparnasse as being different sides of the same virtue/vice.  Marius gets chapters talking about Heroic he is and how his poverty actually improves his nature because Marius overcomes it by working . Montparnasse, by contrast, is led into a life of violent crime because he wants to be idle.

There is like... a World of Concepts to delve into there, but in contrast with Montparnasse , it’s clear what specific fate Marius is being saved from by his time of poverty. He is, by choosing to refuse either debt or the safety of his family wealth, essentially refusing to become the kind of wealthy asshole that Bamatabois and Tholomyes are. It’s a life that would be very easy for Marius to have-- a life that Gillenormand is even sort of pushing him towards, though Gillenormand would doubtless find Tholomyes sorts to be impossibly dull and classless. It’s a life Montparnasse is willing to kill for , literally. And it’s a nice damn life! --If you don’t mind being the absolute worst sort of person, a person who cares for nothing but image, and who lives at a self-imposed distance from everyone else; someone who helps no one and wouldn’t know where to start if they wanted to, but hurts a lot of people and never cares, because caring is ever so uncouth.

Hugo really does see idleness as massively dangerous, at best--a soul-destroying thing. It’s portrayed as an injustice that Valjean can’t get work , not just that he just can’t have food because Humans Need Food. Part of the wrong Tholomyes commits against Fantine is taking her away from the habit of work ; it’s an important part of her Hope Spot in M-sur-M that she gets to enjoy Honest Work again, and earning her living by labor. To force Idleness on to another, or lead them into a Lack Of Work, is treated in  Les Mis as a moral wrong. For working people to not have work available is a condemnation of the system!  Again, it’s not about money (though Hugo definitely thinks work should pay enough to live on), the work itself is treated as something essential. For someone to choose idleness for themselves by that logic is...what, practically moral self-harming?,and a kind of deep depravity.

(Hugo does not like this ideal of the dandy. He does like flâneurs, though! That’s definitely something I want to get into more later, given how often the two are conflated....)

Anyway, Montparnasse is damned by the exact vice that Marius saves himself by avoiding--a vice that is, in Hugo’s moral universe, a very  big deal (as I try and fail to reckon with here).  This makes Montparnasse the crucial Example A for Hugo’s insistence on the valorization of Marius’  decision to work through his poverty! Work redeems Marius from the dangers of Idleness--and for Hugo, those are real and desperate dangers, that really do lead to crime.

BUT WAIT THERE’S MORE!

Even before the Gorbeau raid, Marius is always vulnerable to the damnation of Idleness. He’s prone to slip from thinking into daydreaming; he veers away from work when he thinks it might cut into his independence and Reverie Time. The narrative is not entirely negative about this with Marius, but it is  treated as a potential weakness-- something fine while, and only while, it’s kept in check by his habits of work and thought.

Because, post-Gorbeau mansion, Marius  really does  start to fall to the Demon of Idleness!  He stops working altogether; he goes into debt,  Gasp!; he loses the habit of work , he loses focus, he spirals into depressions and goes into pointless, directionless obsession with Cosette and starts spending all his time in The Field of The Lark, a field famous, though Marius doesn’t know it, for being the site of a murder .  Murder most Romantic, yet, committed over a passion. Marius is, at this point, symbolically mixing the role of lover and killer; as Montparnasse also does, rather less symbolically. 

And hey, why is Marius spiraling into The Hell of Idleness? 

Because of A Girl. Or rather, because of the Ideal Future he’s projecting off his interactions with that girl.  What was the Start of Darkness for Montparnasse, again? 

The first grisette who had said to him: “You are handsome!” had cast the stain of darkness into his heart, and had made a Cain of this Abel. (3.7.3, Hapgood)

Now obviously the grisette who complimented Montparnasse isn’t responsible for his murders, any more than Cosette is responsible for Marius pining his life away in The Field of Dramatic Murder Symbolism. I don’t think Hugo means to genuinely blame the women for the men’s behavior at all-- but both Marius and Montparnasse do  start their downward slide in pursuit of the elaborate head-canons about their own futures that a woman’s attention inadvertently sparked.

BUT WAIT !! THERE’S MORE! 

Marius and Montparnasse are both romantic interests for Eponine (and both are dead ends, with Marius representing a healthy future that she can’t have and Montparnasse representing the doomed future she doesn’t want). Both of them try (ineffectually) to act as guides and friends to Gavroche. Both of them do feel a certain duty to Thenardier, not so much for his own sake--neither of them owe him squat-- as because of an existing sense of duty to others. Both of them do  have a sense of loyalty to their friends, -- just as they share a potentially damning vice in Idleness, they both share a real virtue in their sense of loyalty and duty to comrades.  Note that this is a real  sense of duty and loyalty for Montparnasse as well as for Marius--he really does take a risk to free the rest of the Patron Minette!  But Montparnasse has given that loyalty to horrible people for a horrible cause. 

Also-- while they do  both have a  real sense of loyalty to their groups (groups where they are the junior members), they are also both prone to getting distracted from those friends and their goals by romantic interests-- Marius may be far more serious in his love for Cosette than Montparnasse in his flirting with Eponine, but they do both have this tendency to romantic distraction! That Marius, at the barricade, overcomes his to take his post again , while Montparnasse toooootally flubs his role in P-M’s Gorbeau scheme because it’s Flirting Time, is another manifestation of the Curse of Idleness, really. 

So yeah: Two dark-haired fresh-faced young Romantic beauty types, sharing in common a (potentially) Fatal Flaw and a (potentially) saving Core Virtue, sharing similar relationships to their relative social groups and  to specific characters. Both Very Good At Violence; both set into a new course of life by the sudden awareness of their potential future, prompted by a woman’s attention. --And I didn’t even get into the importance they both put on presentation (though in very different ways, again reflecting their crucial divergence)!   

Montparnasse is who Marius might easily have become if he’d been willing to Coast on his money and status-- oh, Marius would have been a murderer in the way Tholomyes and Bamatabois are murderers, then, not likely the hands-on style Montparnasse has (though then again, Marius is  prone to passionate overreaction...) .  But, as the narrative links between Montparnasse and those two emphasize, it’s really not such a great difference.  Montparnasse is the shadow haunting Marius, a reminder of why his dedication to work and independence is so crucial. And the ways Montparnasse and Marius diverge from each other are a constant, complicated combo of choices and circumstances changing very similar people into two utterly different lives. 

[admiralty-xfd]

Culmination

This is Chapter 16, to start at the beginning click here.

This is the breakup chapter. It remains one of my favorite things I’ve ever written because I like pain and am terrible.

ALIENATION

(pre S10)

SCULLY

Don’t give up.

These words had been such a comfort to her all those years ago, and now they seem empty. All she wants to do is give up.

She can’t bring herself to regret falling in love with him. She could never believe they weren’t meant to be together. It had all been too perfect, too real. And it hardly could have been avoided.

She can regret other things. If only she’d convinced him not to travel back to Oregon without her all those years ago. If only she’d been strong enough to let him stay with her and William in spite of the dangers. If only she’d been able to keep William by her side.

If only...

Maybe if Mulder had been around she could have found the courage. She doesn’t blame him for that, but she can blame the quest. If only they could be finished with the quest. Maybe then they wouldn’t have been caught up in a chain of events that had forced them to start their lives together in a way that was doomed for failure.

For Scully, the loss of everything she’d ever held dear in her life should have been a breaking point. Her job, contact with her family, her freedom, her very identity had all been given up for Mulder. He should not have been enough for her, but for some reason he was. Nothing but the deepest, most reckless love could have put her on the road with him, hell bent into isolation and further darkness that would only swallow them both whole.

What could she have possibly expected? How did she think this was all going to end?

When she was a girl, she had a family who cared for her, and she’d dreamed of her future: and some great love she’d find one day like in the stories her mother would read to her before kissing her goodnight. As she grew older, her dreams evolved into something more profound: a real connection with another person that would make her whole, fill her every empty space and consume her in the best possible way.

She’d found that in Mulder, and there was no doubt in her mind she would never find it again with anyone else.

But Mulder had never had that kind of family. Even before the tragedy that ripped them all apart when he was only twelve, his family held secrets he might never have escaped, secrets that may well have been the catalyst for the entire horrible thing. Scully was the only family he’s really had for a long time now, and she welcomed that role. Then all she really had was him.

How cruel it is that they now find themselves in this hellscape of distance and loneliness.

She wishes she could determine when and how her unhappiness began so she could figure out a way to stop it, to turn it back, to make it all okay again. Maybe she can put her investigative skills to practical, personal use to save herself… to save them both.

But the things that caused this are things she knows she will never be able to fix.

William.

Deep waves of sadness engulf her.

Today, he would be ten years old. They’d spend the day at the Air and Space Museum and get ice cream afterwards.

Today, he would be eleven years old. Mulder would play baseball with him in the front yard, smiles on their faces, father and son.

She would try to imagine what his face would look like, something she does more often than she thinks is healthy. Just as she'd start to put a picture together in her mind she’d push the thought away, and find somewhere quiet to be alone and cry.

She can’t cry in front of Mulder, he can’t understand, not fully. He can’t fix this. No one can.

She and Mulder never talk about him. They rarely even mention his name. It is just too painful. When they do, the conversation feels short and perfunctory. Mulder would try, but there's nothing he could say that would make her feel any better. She can't help but wonder if this topic became one of their many stalemates somewhere along the way, maybe even from the very beginning when she told him in that jail cell. Through no fault of their own, it had shared space in their minds with so many other feelings at the time that they hadn't properly discussed it, and never found the right time to properly discuss it again. There were things left unsaid, things she doesn't want to have to think about.

The emptiness William left in Scully was not healing; it was only deepening. The uncertainty of his fate was eating her alive. And even worse, the fear that Mulder secretly resented her for her decision only intensified with their failure to communicate. She felt this fear acutely with every passing opportunity to discuss it. It was a tiny black spot on their sun that slowly grew over time.

Then there was all that end of the world business. On December 22, 2012 the sun rose and set. The world decided not to end after all.

But it was the beginning of their end.

They’d lived their lives contentedly, for the most part, day by day. But as the dreaded date approached, Mulder had become more and more consumed by it. Perhaps it was genuine fear, or perhaps it was the idleness that had finally gotten to him; finding work again that could satisfy his needs after he lost the X Files had proven difficult. Scully was fortunate to have medicine to fall back on. He was not so fortunate.

When the fateful date came and went, Mulder began to spin out. He seemed restless, almost disappointed that the world hadn’t come to an end. Scully didn’t understand and maybe she never would. The idea that none of it had been the truth after all wasn’t upsetting to her; it meant they could live their lives again without fear. She couldn’t understand why Mulder didn’t feel the same way. It was stubbornness, bullheadedness at its worst. Being vindicated seemed more important to him than actually being alive. She couldn’t help but take that personally.

Now she doesn’t recognize him anymore. He’s become reclusive, even from her, and irritable. She can tell he feels directionless, purposeless. She knows not for what, but he still searches. He always needs to be searching. He sinks deeper and deeper into a world without her in it. And in that world there is no room for her, nowhere for her to seek shelter, nowhere for her to call home.

She can see this is affecting his physical and mental health. She rarely sees his body anymore but when she does she worries. The contours she’s used to have changed. The beard he knows she hates is back, yet another barrier he’s built between them. And his mind… his beautiful mind is wasting away on things she finds so wholly unimportant now.

An eventuality Scully had always feared was that he could never be satisfied, would never stop searching no matter what, and while the world not ending brought her relief, it only brought him anxiety. He knows she doesn’t want to participate in this endless quest any longer so he doesn’t talk to her about it. The more consumed he becomes, the less they talk at all.

She is slowly beginning to realize something deep down she has always hoped: that he would one day outgrow this obsession. The guilt she feels about this epiphany has begun to gnaw at her, because she feels like it means she wants him to change. She loves him, she loves every part of him, so she doesn't understand this.

I’m not the one who changed. This is me, this is who I was before you met me.

She can’t make him change, and she knows she shouldn’t. But soon she comes to realize he has changed. He isn't the same anymore. He isn't the man she fell in love with anymore. She wants her Mulder back, the Mulder whose passion and dedication meant something, the Mulder who grew in so many ways over the years.

The Mulder who would always take her with him, would always want her there, no matter what.

She's reminded of how it was when he died. She won’t forget how awful it felt, ever, but this is somehow worse because he hasn’t died… he’s still here, but the parts of him she fell in love with have died and they are trying to take her along, like they always have.

They are going somewhere she cannot follow. She cannot go with him anymore.

There was a time when all she needed was him, all she ever wanted was him by her side, searching for fugitive truths, feeling like what they didmeant something, something important. She still believes in this, still believes in him. She knows she always will. It’s not that she no longer cares about their quest, she just feels like she’s put it in her past, and he’s still looking for it in his present.

He comes to bed so late every night. She can’t decide if this is purposeful to avoid her judgment or if he’s completely indifferent to her existence.

This is the scariest part for Scully… the painful awareness that he simply doesn’t see her anymore. It’s a slap in the face. She has counted on this so faithfully, in his relentless pursuit of the truth his loyalty to her was never in question.

He tried for a long time to make her happy, like he’d promised. But she isn’t happy anymore. She isn’t everything and everyone to him. She isn’t enough. The darkness is swallowing him again, and there’s nothing she can do to stop it.

Her fear of failing him is coming true. She failed William, and now she’s failed Mulder.

As the months pass, she gets desperate. Although they hardly speak anymore, she fears he's calling to her for help. She can't help him in the way she used to, she's lost that ability. But she does what she can for him, as a doctor, and pleads with him to try to help himself. His compliance in this matter is the biggest relief she's felt in months. Over time the antidepressants do what they are meant to do, and slowly but surely she can see him coming out of his fog.

But the relief she feels is limited to him and him alone. She feels no relief for them. The damage is done.

They’ve completely lost sight of one another, and she knows trying to find their way back is going to be just too hard. There’s only so much of this she can take. She can’t give him everything he needs anymore, and he clearly cannot give her everything she needs either. Just loving each other isn’t enough.

After years of nightmares borne from the horrors of their work, she finds herself having the same simple dreams over and over again. The first one is of Mulder, arriving home from work in his suit and tie, eyes bright and full of purpose. He kisses her cheek as she leans into him, happy, alive,unafraid.

The only other dream is the sweet tiny face of William, gripping her index finger and looking up into her eyes.

These dreams are more frightening than any of the ones she’d had back when they worked on the X Files, because they paint a picture of a life she once thought she’d have and now knows she never will. Having these dreams dangled in front of her nightly is almost too much to bear.

She can’t tell him what she’s feeling. For so many years she’s lived his life, chosen that life over and over again because she loved him. And he told her he’d give her the life she wanted because he loved her. The kind of life she dreams about isn’t the kind of life he wants, isn’t the life he’s ever wanted or needed and she knows this. She’s always known it but she fell in love with him anyway.

She can’t be angry with him. She can only be angry with herself. And so she is.

She can’t remember the last time they made love, how it had been, what it had felt like. She wishes she could. Some nights she will feel him slide into bed beside her, his warmth just a painful memory. He reaches for her and she pretends to be asleep. After awhile he stops trying at all.

One morning she wakes and turns over to see his side of the bed completely untouched and she feels a sharp pain in her heart. Somehow she knows something has changed significantly, perhaps permanently.

She quietly descends the stairs and peers into the living room, seeing what she feared she’d see: Mulder, asleep on the couch.

The sight of him there, back where he started before they’d met, is enough to break her into two. Her legs give way but she somehow finds the strength to get herself back into the bedroom before she collapses into tears, the door closing behind her, sliding down to the floor.

MULDER

He hasn’t been the best partner, or husband, or even friend to her lately, he knows that. He isn’t sure how it began, or exactly when. But what felt like an endless cycle of darkness has spiraled out and down. He can't contain it, as much as he'd like to.

He knows he started to feel restless as the colonization date approached. He was staring down the figurative barrel of a gun. Every day that brought them closer to the end of the world brought new fears, new anxieties, new guilt, and new reasons to keep looking for more answers. He was getting sucked back into the dark world he’d sworn to Scully he’d stay away from and he hadn’t even realized it until he was too far gone. And as the date came and went without incident, he had become again what he’d tried so hard to avoid.

He starts to doubt his own self worth, his own value. If he was wrong about this, what else is he wrong about? There has to be an answer, a worthwhile reason he’s given up so much time and energy on this over the last ten years. There has to be something, something to make all that time wasted worth the waste. He feels so incredibly guilty for the time that had been stolen from him, the time that had been stolen from Scully, that he continues searching, sinking further into his already sunk cost.

He often thinks about William, the son he never knew. The son he never knew he even wanted. There are moments he feels such pain and desperation at the loss he wants to blame Scully for making him leave them behind, and then blame her some more for giving William up.

But he would never blame her. He knows none of it was her fault, none of it. Every bit of it is his own fault. It’s always been his fault.

So he starts to hate himself.

Weeks pass, months pass, and it gets worse. The longer the distance continues between the two of them, the harder it becomes to bridge it. He would prefer yelling and screaming to this cold, silent indifference. It has never been this way with Scully before, not like this. He knows he’s losing her and he’s powerless to stop it.

He feels like he is drowning, and for the first time he knows even she can’t rescue him. He’s not sure what to do. There are times he can hear her crying in the bathroom and he feels so helpless and useless he buries himself in his office and disappears into space. Quite literally, all he has is his obsession.

He hasn’t stopped seeing her. He just doesn’t want her seeing him like this.

One day, she comes to him and tells him she’s prescribed him medication. She’s worried about him, she says. She only wants him to feel better.

He knows what she means is she wants him to be better.

He can’t be better, he feels as if he will never be good enough, but he starts taking the pills anyway because there’s nothing else he can do for her.

As months pass, the medication does what it’s supposed to, and he can feel himself coming out of his dark place. The anxiety he suffered during the run-up to that fateful date he feared so much is wearing off slowly with every day. The meds help, but time is the thing that seems to be doing the trick. The more time that passes, the more certain he becomes that his fears were unfounded, and he learns to be grateful.

For the first time in many, many months, he’s starting to feel like himself again. The tiniest wellspring of hope bubbles up inside him that maybe they can turn this around, somehow.

One night he climbs into bed beside Scully and puts a hand on her hip. She’s turned onto her side, her back to him. He doesn’t realize until this moment how much he’s missed this, how much he aches for her touch. It's been a long time, he knows it has. He can remember how long it's been.

He brings his face close in the dark, gently moves her hair aside and softly kisses the back of her neck, the tiny scar there a painful reminder of what it cost her to love him.

“Hey,” he whispers.

She doesn’t move, and her calm, steady breathing leads him to assume she is already asleep. He rolls onto his back and hopes tomorrow will be better.

It isn’t.

***

“I can’t do this anymore, Mulder.”

She is standing in the doorway of his office. He is sitting on the floor, surrounded by files, newspapers, photos. He doesn’t look at her. He sighs, closes his eyes.

“Scully.”

She crosses the room and drops to her knees to face him. She sits back onto her heels and they regard each other. It’s the first time she’s made eye contact with him in weeks. “I can’t be with you like this. It isn’t fair.”

He looks into her eyes. “What are you saying?”

“I’m saying I’m leaving. I can’t be here anymore.”

Mulder feels a sharp pain, like he’s been punched in the gut. No… this can’t be happening. Not this. Never this.

In an instant, a million Scullys flash before him as he looks at her face, this face he’s been so used to looking at for twenty years. Twenty years and she’s somehow found it impossible to stay with him. How could he have let this happen?

He shakes his head. “But… I don’t understand, I thought…” For some reason he’d felt like they made an unspoken deal when he started taking the medication. That it was a progression. Get better, then fix this. That was what he thought, at least. “I mean, I’m feeling better. The medication is working. I’m starting to feel like myself again.”

But he knows her face so well, it hits him instantly that she has made up her mind, and nothing he says is going to change it now. This is not like that time in his hallway all those years ago; there are no magic words he can utter to make her stay.

“Mulder, I know. I know you’re feeling better, and I’m extremely relieved. That’s why I’m telling you this now. I wouldn’t be saying this if I thought you were still in the place you were.”

His mind races. How long has she been thinking about this? How long has she been planning to leave him? He knew things were bad, but he also knew it was still the two of them. They could survive anything. They’d survived evil conspirators, flukemen, black oil viruses… hell, he’d died and come back to life and they’d somehow made it through all of that.

Can this really be what finishes them? A plain, old-fashioned break up?

“I don’t know what to say. I don’t believe this.”

She’s finding it hard to look at him. “I don’t want to hurt you, that’s not something I ever wanted to do. I just know I can’t stay here. I’m never going to be enough for you, Mulder, and what I don’t believe is how blind I’ve been to this fact since the day I met you.”

He feels like she’s knocked the wind out of him. He doesn’t know what to say. He racks his brain, trying to think of where exactly he’d fucked this up beyond redemption, how he made her feel this way, how he’d apparently always made her feel this way. Nothing.

“Maybe I wasn’t blind, I don’t know," she continues. "Maybe I’ve just chosen not to see, not to believe it. All these years, I thought somehow…”

She doesn’t finish this sentence for some reason. Maybe she doesn’t want to make things even worse. He can’t think of anything she could possibly say that would make this worse.

“How long until the next big thing, Mulder? The next obsession? The next truth you have to go searching for? And when you find that one, what’s after that? Or if you don’t… well, that’s even worse.” Her eyes are starting to well up.

“Scully… I love you.” It’s the only thing his heart can speak. Everything else feels irrelevant at the moment. His voice comes out in an unfamiliar timbre he barely recognizes. It’s something he’s not used to, something like defeat. “Whatever you may say, whatever you may think... I have to believe you know that.”

She looks at her lap. “I know you do, Mulder. That’s not why I’m leaving.”

“Then... why?” He can’t think, he can’t come up with words fast enough. She’s leaving him, for real this time. He can’t fathom such an outcome. No matter what, he’s always counted on her being there. He feels like parts of him are trying to float away and he can’t keep his grasp.

She looks up at him. “You know what I was thinking about the other day? Back when you were in jail and I begged you to testify to save your own life, do you remember what you said to me?”

He looks at her blankly. This was so long ago, why is she bringing this up?

“You said you wouldn’t because the truth was bigger than you or me.”

He stares at her. “At the time that’s what I thought, Scully. I can’t change the past. I can’t change how I felt, or what I learned, or how I learned it, or what came of it all which was a big fat nothing.”

“I know you can’t,” she whispers, looking at the floor again.

Suddenly, he’s angry. “Do you think I wanted to have that information? Do you know how much time I wasted worrying about the end of the world that never happened? How many days went by where all I could think about was how few we had left with each other?”

“I do know, Mulder. I know all too well.” There’s a flash of hurt in her eyes. “And you spent so much time worrying about it you forgot I was here.”

He presses his hands to his face, covering his eyes. He knows she’s right. He should have known better. He should have been more careful. They’d already wasted enough time. He can’t believe they’ve come to this.

“When I told you in that jail cell I was in this fight for us, for you and me, you said nothing. I can’t begin to describe to you how much that hurt me. We’d been separated for so long, I missed you so much, all I wanted was you, all I needed was you, and you told me to my face you’d rather die than jeopardize the quest.” She can’t control her tears anymore and her voice is shaking. “If Kersh hadn’t helped get you out of jail that night, you would be dead right now and that’s the last thing you would have said to me.”

He’s quiet for a moment. I am a complete fucking asshole.

“But that was so long ago, Scully. I’m… I’m different now.” Even as he says the words, he knows deep down they’re not really true. “Things with us are different. You know I’d never say something like that now.”

“Do I?” There’s no hostility in her voice, just defeat. The pain he sees in her eyes is more real than anything he’s ever searched for. She’s given up. On him, on them. Maybe she should. Maybe he deserves all of this.

“You remember that night we drove out to Groom Lake together? It was a weekend. You wanted to go, and I got in the car with you. We drove past thousands of other lifetimes being lived out around us, lives of people who were happy and safe. I knew we may not find anything. I knew we’d probably get in trouble. But I stayed in the car, with you. It was where I wanted to be. It was where I always wanted to be.”

He can only listen now.

She continues, quietly. “And then that night you escaped your jail cell, I got in the car with you again and we drove. We drove and drove and drove. Do you remember that?”

He nods. She takes his hands in hers and looks at him.

“There was no hesitation from either of us. You knew no matter what, I’d get in that car with you and follow you wherever you led.”

She reaches out to touch his face, and he looks into her eyes for what he fears may be the last time. There’s nothing he can do about it.

“I love you, Mulder. I always will. But I can’t get in the car with you this time.”

She leans forward and kisses him. He can feel the warm tears from her eyes on his face before she pulls away, not looking at him, gets up off the floor, and walks out of his life.

[mininky]

Recrudescence

Summary: The hardest part about a breakup is trying to find your place in life again. The pain, the uncertainty, the feelings of inadequecy, the inability to begin again. But time heals everything, and maybe someday you’ll begin again.

Pairing: Namjoon x Reader

Warnings/Genre: slow burn, slight angst, mentions of cheating, cussing, oral sex (female receiving), squirting, multiple orgasms, explicit sex scenes

Word count: 10K

   You should have known that this was an awful idea, that you should have stayed at home and enjoyed a night of Netflix binging instead. You should have known when all of your friends shook their heads, patted you on the back and told you to just get over it. You really should have known that you were an idiot when you were talking to your grandmother on your weekly phone call this morning and upon hearing of your plans for Friday night she softly said, "bless your heart" the old southern lady equivalent of 'You're a complete and total idiot.' But no, you did not heed any of those warnings and now you sat at a table in one of your previously favorite restaurants seated across from your ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend and all of his friends. 

   Why had you made this fatal mistake? Because as painful as the breakup was, as much as it killed you inside when Jin told you that you two got together too young, too quick and that he needed to explore life more you still loved him. You wanted to hate him, you wanted to be angry with him and a small part of you is but you wanted him to be happy even if happy wasn't with you. You loved him too much to stop him from finding that, and it was clear in the last of the six years you were together that he wasn't happy. You both had been wrapped up in work, at least that's what you tried to tell yourself. The sex had become less frequent because he was tired, you were tired. You thought that him being home less and less often had once again been a sign of his new promotion. Nearly 8 months ago when he had come home and told you that he was moving out, that he needed to move on, that really you were his best friend but he needed something else you were broken. Feelings of self-doubt, inadequacy, and heartbreak flooded your system. You felt more like a shell of a person, after years of being with someone it's almost as though they're a part of you. In the last few months, you've still struggled when waking up to an empty bed. You still cooked enough for two people, you still bought his favorite foods, you still expected to be able to ask him for a glass of water when absorbed in something. It wasn't just that he was gone, it was that everything in your life had shattered and changed. Every small thing was a reminder that you might now be doomed to becoming the crazy cat lady.    You had spent the last few months just going through the motions, disconnecting yourself from almost everyone and everything. You had never been the type to cry before, but now it seemed that everything could set you off. You used to say that you had nerves of steel, but now it was as if you were as fragile as thin ice.    You've tried going on dates, you've tried moving on but none of them were as good as Jin. None of them as handsome, or funny, or nice. He had set these impossible standards, but the truth was it wasn't that any of the men you had been out with were bad, they just weren't him. And so when you got a phone call from him a few weeks ago telling you that he missed talking to you, that he missed having you as a friend in his life you had felt your heart nearly explode with hope. During that same phone call, he told you that the gang missed seeing you too and that they were pretty mopey that they didn't get to eat your cookies and cakes or come over to introduce new girlfriends to get your opinion on them. You had known all of them since college, you had been friends with them as much as Jin in the time you dated and if truth be told you missed having your apartment crowded with the seven boys and their antics. When he said that they all wanted to get together for dinner and it would be great if you could come you didn't even think about saying no. You missed all of it, you missed these friends of yours that you had stopped talking to because they reminded you too much of Jin but most of all you missed Jin and you hated how utterly alone you felt.    Now, two weeks later after that phone call, you're praying that some freak accident might happen and just kill you or that the earth will swallow you whole or that the zombie apocalypse breaks out and takes you first right at this moment because this was most certainly the worst idea you could ever have. You hadn't even thought about him having already moved on. You hadn't even thought about him moving on with a girl who looked like she could win a Miss Universe pageant who so clearly was everything that you weren't and also got a side of Jin you hadn't seen in years. He looked at her like she was the center of the universe, his large doe eyes lighting up each time she talked, his plump lips stretched into a large grin that you wanted to slap right off his face. You hated that as much as you wanted him to be happy that he was flaunting how he happy he was without you when you had spent nearly a year going into hermit mode without him.    You felt the blood boil in your veins, your stomach twisting sharply each time you tried to fake a smile. You were hoping that your face didn't display all of your murderous intentions because god did you want to take the bottle of wine and crack that girl right across the head with it. The worst part? She didn't even treat you like a threat, she just smiled and giggled and said that she's heard so much about you and would love to get to know you more before cuddling up next to Jin and kissing him in front of you. The only good thing about this was that at least the rest of the guys obviously weren't very fond of her either. Usually when she would talk one of them would cut her off and ask you what you've been up to, to tell you to spend more time with them, that things just weren't the same without you. It did do at least a little to help your very fragile and failing ego, especially when Jungkook made hurling noises everytime they would kiss and you couldn't help but smirk at him from across the table. Bless that kid, he always was one of your favorites.    Your thoughts were dispelled however when little miss perfect suddenly spoke to you with a syrupy sweet voice. "(Y/N) so what do you do for a living anyway?"    Luckily Namjoon spoke up next to you, "She works for Vice, she started out as a journalist. She's great too."    You gave a grateful, if not tired and haggard smile to Namjoon next to you before guzzling your third cup of Malbec. The food still hadn't arrived and you were praying that this would all be over quickly.    "Oh! I love Vice, they're like super cool. How'd you get that job?"    You wanted to take the steak knife next to you and ram it through her dainty throat. "Hard work and dedication. I started out as a free staff writer and worked my way up."    "You always did work hard! Did you ever get that promotion?" You blinked back at Jin, trying not to grit your teeth as you responded.    "I was promoted to research manager a year ago. It's been great, I have a fantastic team and I couldn't be happier." You hoped your voice came out normal, but you could hear the faint quiver of anger and feel the vein in your neck popping as you said this. You were together when you got this promotion, he had missed your party with your coworkers that night but had tried to make it up to you with a beautiful new necklace that unfortunately was around your neck at this moment.    Jin looked momentarily taken aback, perhaps he finally realized what a giant ass he was but quickly little miss perfect spoke up. "Speaking of a year, Jin and I are celebrating our one year anniversary in Hawaii next week. I can't wait!"    If the world could crash around you it was at that moment. You had never put the pieces together, she clocked you out cold with that news. You should have known, really you were a blind idiot in love for not realizing that of course, Jin had been cheating on you and of course that it was with this obnoxiously beautiful, doe-eyed girl sitting across from you. Why else would things end so quickly, so suddenly, if he hadn't already moved on? You couldn't help but wonder if she meant to say that and if she knew that you had been the main woman that she was in fact until just a few months ago a side piece that you didn't know existed. You really were an idiot. Your brain was malfunctioning with anger but before you could react you felt a warm liquid crash over your beautiful new white dress and looked over to see Namjoon rush up.    "Oh my god (y/n) I am so sorry. God, if we try to get it out right now do you think we can save your dress?"    Little miss perfect was snickering, some small comment about 'he's such a clutz' from her mouth garnered a glare from almost everyone.    "Well, I'll try but red wine on a white fabric I doubt it." You stood up and looked over at everyone, "I'm going to go try to wash this out." You gave a smile and hoped that it didn't betray how happy you were at this event. You finally had an excuse to leave, you could run away from this hell on earth. Bless Namjoon and his butterfingers. Before you could scurry away Namjoon was quick in stride next to you, neither of you speaking until you were nearly at the restroom. Did he realize that you were going to try to escape, please god don't let him stop you.    "Namjoon, it's okay really you can go back. I've got this." You gave a small smile as you looked up at him, his dimples flashing back down at you.      "(Y/N) I did that on purpose. I'm sorry for ruining your dress, but I've tried to clean enough stains out of Jungkook's laundry to know that this is most certainly not coming out. You looked miserable and I was hoping I could help..."    You couldn't help but laugh, of all of Jin's friends Namjoon had always been the most perceptive, that's why he was the glue that had kept them together all these years. Certainly not the most nimble glue, but the groups glue nonetheless.    His smile stretched, his dimples showing once again as his eyes crinkled. "You know, I've missed that sound. I mean...we all do. Jin's been an ass and I can't believe that you actually sat through most of this, but we do miss you. You should spend more time hanging out. I can promise you to invite you when Jin's not around if you'd rather, but you know, it sucked that when he was a complete idiot it cost all of us a great friend."    Perhaps the night hadn't gone to total shit. Sure, you had learned that the man you loved...still kind of love...had cheated on you and was sitting across the table with his perfect-not-you girlfriend and your self-esteem had crumbled to near -20%, but at the very least you had kind of gained a friend back. Maybe. Perhaps you had spent too much time dwelling on the wrong things of the past. Perhaps this was a sign that it was time to get on with your life, fuck men and relationships, you just needed to work on trying to build functional friendships again and leave your house for things other than ice cream runs and work.    "That would be nice..." A friendly silence hung over you for a beat before you shifted uncomfortably in the sticky dress. "Hey, so I really do actually need to leave and change, so I'm just going to dip out through the back. Do you think you can cover for me?"    "Of course, I've got your back! I'll text you later? Maybe we'll figure out a movie night again or something."    With a smile and a slightly awkward thumbs up you made your way out towards the kitchen, begging a waitress in the section to take pity on you and lead you out of the kitchen (luckily not only had it worked but you kind of made a new friend when she broke down crying on you about her crappy boyfriend and then somehow it turned into swapping your numbers with each other before leaving. Nothing brings women together like shitty men apparently.)

   A few weeks later you found yourself running another late night in the office, pooling over different proposals and research done by your team. There wasn't a need to still be in the office, the work would certainly still be there in the morning but going back home to the lonely one bedroom, to the same bed that you had shared with Jin had still been a struggle. Even months later, even after having your heart torn to shreds and hopes completely dashed, even after admitting to yourself it was time to move on it still hurt to sit in silence at night when for years it had been filled with shared meals, long talks, friends, fun, drinks, giggles, mind-blowing sex, and now it was simply painfully quiet. Getting home to the silence made you feel like a failure, it was almost as if your apartment taunted you for not being good enough and as if your Netflix account mocked you for turning into a hermit.    You knew after that dinner that you needed to start trying again, and not as in the 'I'm forcing myself to go out on shitty dates to make people think I'm trying' type of trying. You were trying to love yourself again, you were trying to be happy with yourself. What most people don't discuss about leaving a long-term relationship is that the loneliness isn't just from heartbreak. It's far deeper than that, it goes beyond the need to feel love, to share life. When you've been with someone long enough they become a pillar of you, something that not only supports you but becomes psychologically a piece of you and when that's gone you suddenly aren't sure who you are and that missing pillar leaves you unbalanced. You had turned to the one thing that was a part of you when he wasn't around, your work. And even as you were working on loving yourself again, even as you admitted that this shit wasn't working and were trying to reconcile your own broken thoughts and fleeting, whirling, emotions you were having a hard time breaking the habit of relying on the one thing you were good at...work.    Exhaustion was slowly creeping up into you as read through another proposal, your body reminding you that you were still merely human. Cracking your neck and giving a mangled yawn you knew it was time to call it quits. Grabbing your phone you were shocked to see that you had missed over a dozen messages and a phone call from Namjoon.    [Namjoon]: (Y/N), the guys and I are headed out to the bar we always used to go to, I thought you might want to join.    Group message: [Taehyung]: (Y/N) (Y/N) (Y/N) come hang out! Too many guys, come hang out! [Jimin]: Yeah (Y/N) come hang out! It's boring without you, I'm tired of talking to sweaty dudes! [Jungkook]: I told you I was coming straight from the gym, that's not nice! [Jimin]: Aaaah, Kookie, you smell nice [Yoongi]: Why are you dipshits texting each other, you're sitting right next to each other [Hoseok]: Because we want (Y/N) to come hang out! Also, you haven't said a word, this is the most I've heard from you all night Mr. 'why are we texting when we can just text...' [Yoongi]:...whatever...idiot... [Hoseok]: But I'm your favorite idiot! (Y/N) come on, help me get Yoongi to actually talk! [Namjoon]: Guys, she's probably still at work, stop blowing up her phone. [Taehyung]: I refuse, (Y/N) save me from another night with just men. [Jungkook]: Yeah, I refuse too! Fight the man! [Jimin]: Fuck the system! (Y/N) join us rebels! [Namjoon]: I will literally take away all of your phones if you don't leave her alone.    You couldn't help but feel lighter, excited as you read the messages. This was change, this was a step to getting your life back on track, back to happy. The exhaustion was long forgotten as you sent a reply to all of them. [Y/N]: Fuck the system! Get me a tall whiskey sour, make it strong. I'll be there in 10.

   Luckily the 'usual' bar was only one subway stop away, and it felt like just a few minutes before you found yourself out of the humidity of the sweltering summer night and into the run-down bar where you immediately spotted the group split with half of them in a corner table with the other half playing on an old, unleveled and worn down pool table.    "(Y/N)! My beautiful savior, a goddess incarnate, a radiating beauty!" Taehyung and the younger boys launched themselves onto you first, their steps slightly messy as they sprung into bouncy steps over to you.    "Yay! You joined us! Hey, hey, join my team! Jimin sucks at pool!" Jungkook giggled as he quickly thrust a pool cue at you, his face bright with his glowing bunny smile.    "I don't suck! Hobi's just too good!" Jimin glowered as he handed you your drink. "Here, (Y/N)!"    "Thanks, guys, but I think I'm going to just sit the first round out." Upon Jungkook's glowering, you quickly spoke up, "First round only, Kookie I'll play after that!"    As the boys finally shuffled back over to the table you took a long swig of the drink, relishing in the slight burn as the acidic drink ran down your throat and walked over to the table where the older boys were quietly watching. Hobi quickly brought you in for a strong hug before rushing back to the game, a competitive glint in his eyes.    "Thank god you're here, maybe now they'll shut up." Yoongi took a swig of his beer, a faint smirk on his face.    "Oh Min Yoongi, that is just the best compliment a girl can get." You gave a joking curtsey before winking at him and sitting next to Namjoon. "Thanks for inviting me, I think I've been too focused on work. You saved me from another night of Netflix and email."    "Anytime. I'm glad you came out!" Namjoon gave a bright smile before clearing his throat. "So, what have you been working on. Any cool new stuff we should be on the lookout for?"    "Ahhhh, I could tell you, but I'd have to kill you! Company policy, nothing personal. I will tell you this though, I'm sick of getting great ideas and great theories with no contacts. You know, you'd think by now people would understand that while the research and ideas are important we can't do shit unless we have people to contact. These are documentaries we're doing. Some of it we can do in articles, but that's not what we're doing on the research team."    "Ah, contacts. I guess that old saying 'it's not what you know it's who you know' is too true." Yoongi grunted in response to Namjoon before wiping his mouth and leaning over.    "It's a bunch of bullshit. We're always concerned about interpersonal connections built on fakeness. We're in a land of consumerism where we're constantly selling our souls, trying to get likes, trying to get people to like us. But for what? It's bullshit man, it's a capitalist ploy to get us to buy more shit so we can get better 'connections' so we can look 'the part' so we can keep buying their shit. The world is fucking shit."    You couldn't help but give a laugh at this. "Too true, although as passionate as that speech was there are good points to trying to get connections. I mean, I'm trying to get connections to people the world isn't listening to. I want the unheard voices who don't have those connections to be heard. But we have to be the change. There's a loophole in consumerism. Don't buy into the bullshit, fight for the unheard to be heard. We just have to collectively say it."    "But will these sheeple ever actually do it? I mean, we're all so brainwashed now most people don't even think about it." Yoongi gave a scoff as he downed the rest of his beer. While some might have been intimidated you thrived on these conversations. You missed bouncing off cynical ideas with him, you missed waxing philosophical with Namjoon with the mix of light-hearted fun from the younger boys. God, you were an idiot for thinking just because they were attached to the devil himself Jin that you had to leave all of this.    "I missed your cynical ass Yoongi. I can't help but point out though...you are wearing a Supreme hoodie. Consumerism is bullshit, huh?" Namjoon and Yoongi both laughed as you gave a wink.    "What about me?" Jimin called out from the side.    "Oh, of course, Jimin, I missed your cute little butt too."    "Hey, it's not little! I've been doing more squats!" He turned around and gave a playful wiggle before Jungkook shouted for him to 'play the game, we're loosing damn it!'

   It wasn't until the early hours of the next day and four rounds of you joining in the game before all of you shuffled into the streets and drunkenly sang goodbyes to one another. Namjoon quietly walked beside you as you made your way back to the subway.    "Joonie, I'm a grown woman I think I can make it home by myself." You spoke quietly, your voice husky with sleep.    "Oh, uh...I actually moved to this side of town a few months ago. Besides, creeps are always out around now." Namjoon shuffled a little closer as he spoke, the scent of his cologne and beer closing gently around you.    "Well, in that case, I guess we'll have a little bit more time to chat. You were pretty quiet tonight, you doing okay?"    "I'm doing great. Seriously, thank you for coming out. We all missed you."    "Including you?" You batted your eyelashes jokingly at Namjoon, the lingering effects of the drinks still giving you a playfulness. Namjoon just gave you a warm smile but looked down at you before giving you a quiet reply. "Especially me."

   A month later you were rushing back to your apartment with your hands full of baking goods. After Jin had gotten back from his one year anniversary you and the boys still often made plans, all of them luckily never mentioning the missing member when you did spend time together. Today, however, was a little different. Namjoon had begged you the other day to teach him how to make the bunny cookies you made for Jungkook's birthday. You were nervous about this, Namjoon in the kitchen had never resulted in anything good before. He wasn't just clumsy, once knives and fire were involved things were often dangerous. But how could you ever say no to his dimples? Besides, Jungkook's birthday wasn't for over a month, giving plenty of time for you to get him to at least bake your simple chocolate chip cookies.    You were shocked to see Namjoon running up the stairs ahead of you, panting in exhaustion and his sweaty shirt clinging onto him as if he ran a mile. "Joonie!" He almost fell as you called over to him. "My god, you look like you ran a mile. I thought you said you were just around the corner now?"    His eyes widened as he stammered out through labored breaths, "oh...uh...yeah..well I woke up late?"    "Why is that a question? Namjoon...you still live in the apartment by the university don't you?" You chuckled as a blush crept up his neck. "You always were a bad liar. Come on, let's get you some water. That's at least a solid three-mile walk if you didn't take the subway."    He hung his head sheepishly as he followed you into the quiet apartment, his breathing finally steady again. Both of you kicked off your shoes before walking down the short hallway and turning into the kitchen. Swinging open the fridge you grabbed a bottle of water and took a second to admire Namjoon as his adams apple bobbed, one slow steady drop of sweat working its way onto his clavicle before you finally tore your eyes onto the worn laminent floors, your face heating up slightly.    "Thanks, for uh the water and for helping me out with this."    "Ah, don't thank me for helping you out until we actually make a successful batch of cookies! I haven't done anything yet!" You tried to ward off the hazy thoughts filling your brain as you laid out the groceries on your counter.    "So, I wrote out the ingredients for you that way when you go shopping you can get the exact same things I get. It's honestly really easy, yes Namjoon, even you can do it."    "You say that now. Listen, I can do a lot of things, tell me to stand in front of one hundred kids in an early morning lecture and try to get them interested in philosophy, no problem. But...kitchens...they...just don't agree with me. I think something went wrong at birth or something and I got cursed by appliances."    You laughed as he waved his hands accusatorially at the stove. "Nah, Namjoon you're just nervous. The first step is to take a deep breath in and become one with the cookie."    "Right, right, become one with the cook-you're fucking with me aren't you?" He relaxed after hearing your laugh, a pout playing on his lips before the two of you began.    "Okay, so in this bowl, we're going to add in all the dry ingredients. So add in the cake and bread flour."    "There are different kinds of flour???"    "Yep. And for the best cookies ever I use bread and cake flour. When I measure it," You scooped up some cake flour before grabbing a butter knife, "I always make sure the top is completely level." Discarding the excess on top you poured in the ingredients. "Baking is easy. It's a science, getting it right is more exact than cooking. As long as you follow the recipe to a T it'll come out fine."    He gave you a side eyes glance as if to say, 'not for me' but quietly followed in step and repeated after you. Eventually, you lulled into a comfortable silence as the two of you worked together, the only words quiet instructions as you got more serious before throwing the batter into the fridge. "The dough has to chill, at least 24 hours. Tomorrow we'll finish everything. But considering that you have gotten through all of this without a single hitch I say that we do an early celebration! I don't have any drinks, but is takeout and a movie cool with you?"    "As long as I don't have to be in the kitchen still that sounds perfect. I'm good with whatever you get. I can go set up a movie while you order?" You gave a quiet chuckle as you looked over at the menus on your fridge before ordering some Thai food near you and taking a place on the corner of the couch. "So...a french film?"    "Hey, it looks fantastic!"    "It looks obscurely hipster and very you. I'm sure it'll be good." You took a sip of water before smiling at the slight blush rising up on his neck again. You didn't want to dwell on why you liked that blush on him so much. Your brain had been muddled when the two of you worked in the kitchen, his scent clinging to your every thought, his concentrated clenched facial expressions making you spiral in dark thoughts that you kept trying to brush aside. As the two of you sat quietly on the couch you couldn't help but wonder if it would be okay to move closer, but negative thoughts of Jin kept flitting back to you. The feeling of not being good enough kept wafting in your head as you paid no attention to the opening scenes of the movie.    Your brain was in an outwardly silent but frenzied internal war. Why Namjoon? Why Jin's friend? Were you just desperate for touch, starved for affection? Was your body just naturally responding to the lack of stimulation, or was this deeper? You had always noticed his appearance, his deep dimples and glowing skin could give any man a run. You had always thought he was attractive but were your thoughts actually deeper? Yes, of course, they were. You had always loved his mind. His quiet introspection, the deep long talks about life had made you fast friends. And that's what this was. Friendship. Not a crush, you just needed to get laid. That's all. You wouldn't do that to Namjoon. You couldn't ruin years of friendship just because years of a steady relationship had left you awkward with new beginnings, and you were simply seeing more into this because he was the closest man to you. Besides, what would he see in you? Clearly, a friend. He had no idea that you were tempted to jump his bones, that every time you heard his deep laughs and husky voice you wanted to latch onto his plush lips and bite them. He couldn't know that you had for the last month been pushing aside lingering thoughts of how he would taste, wondering how he would feel deep in-    "(Y/N), are you okay?" When you looked up you saw Namjoon pulling out the boxes of curry and rice with worry. You hadn't even realized that the movie had been paused, your thoughts hadn't even been broken at the sound of the doorbell.    "Oh, yeah, sorry. Guess I'm just...lost in thought?" You tried to give a reassuring smile before quickly moving to the coffee table and grabbing your portion. "Hope curry is okay!"    "Penny?"    "What?"    "Penny for your thoughts?" Namjoon swallowed down a bite quickly, his eyes lingering on yours with a kind worry on his features.    "Ah...honestly? This house has been quiet for months. It's just...nice I guess to not be alone." You tried to shovel mouth into your food after you spoke, anxiety gnawing at you. You hadn't intended to be so honest, you didn't want to worry your friend.    Namjoon drew slightly closer on the couch, rubbing your shoulders before quietly taking a bite of food. "I get that. You know, when Jenny and I broke up and I had to move out. I could have kept that apartment, but every time I came home I felt like I would still see her walking through the door. I knew she wouldn't, but it was tough."    "I feel the exact same way. I keep expecting to see Jin, it's been nearly a year but I still sometimes almost text him asking if he wants me to pick anything up. When I'm here I just feel so empty, it's like I'm constantly reminded of my inability to be a good partner."    "(Y/N), you were a wonderful partner. Any guy would kill to have someone like you, Jin was just an idiot."    "If I was good enough though, why would he cheat? I appreciate that you're trying to make me feel better, but clearly, I wasn't good enough."    "Maybe, if you want to look at it that way. But I don't. I see him as the one who wasn't good enough, I think he did too. I've talked to him about it you know. He had kept the other relationship quiet until you broke up, Yoongi and Jungkook flat out refused to talk to him for months when they found out. Jin...watched you grow and become this amazing, confident woman who didn't need him and he felt like he wanted someone who needed to rely on him, someone who was less sure of themselves. Instead of telling you this he...well you know what he did. I'm not saying it was right, god was it wrong. But I'm trying to say that he did this fucked up thing because of his own stupidity, because of his own choices."    "Well if he wanted someone less confident he certainly created that with me. I feel...worthless." You hated how small your voice came out, how fragile you sounded. You wanted to sound strong and brave, but you couldn't. You were too tired to lie, to try to keep pretending.    "Worthless? You're not. Look at how you make all of us? The guys love you, they always want advice from you. Your friends rely on you because you make them feel safe, heard, understood. That's a gift. And you got that promotion at work for those same reasons, you're a fantastic leader."    "That's not necessarily dating material though. I mean, maybe I'm not good enough in bed or something."    "Well I can't speak to that, but I think the problem is that you're dating the wrong guys. You should look for a man who wants someone who either can lead them or lead with them. Someone who understands that a powerful woman isn't something to fear, but to cherish." He sounded so sure of that, so reassuring that you couldn't help but smile at him. It would have hurt too much to keep talking about it, but you appreciated his words too much to not show some sort of appreciation, even if it was weak at best.

   You laid in bed late at night, the earlier conversation with Namjoon still running through your head. You still felt that you weren't exactly good enough for Jin, but you didn't feel the same unease about it. Maybe being good enough wasn't a fair position to put yourself in. You had never before given much thought as to how others ranked you, but after the break up you spent too much time dwelling on others opinions. If there was anything to take away from this it was that you needed to understand that the only 'good enough' that was important was if you were good enough for yourself. In the last few months, you hadn't tried to do much of anything and that wasn't good enough for you. You were always the type to go out there and get what you wanted, but now the uncertainty and not knowing what it was that you wanted had left you even more fragile. The first step to loving yourself was clear now. You would find happiness eventually, that wasn't the goal. The goal now was to just live again. To get outside the apartment, to try meeting new people, to spend time with friends. And maybe move too, Namjoon was right...it's hard moving on when everything around you reminds you of Jin. The thought of packing everything up before had left you in states of depression, but now you were excited. You had limitless options open, you could do whatever you wanted without fear of it changing another person's life. It was time to move on.

   The next day while munching on the cookies you finally finished with Namjoon you decided to enlist his help. "So..."    "They're really good! I can't believe I made this and it's actually really good!" Namjoon hummed happily as he finished the second cookie, his dimples on full display.    "I told you Namjoon, it's just about thinking you can do it. Hey, speaking of believing in yourself I was thinking about what you said...and...I think I'm ready to move on, as in literally move. I know that this apartment is super close to work, and it has a great view of the river but I need to live somewhere else and I'm too busy at work to look for new apartments except on weekends. I already checked my lease and I just have to give a thirty-day notice since I'm already month to month. I know it's a lot to ask for, but could you maybe help me?"    "Of course! I would love to! In fact, I know that there's a condo right next to me that's been trying to sell! It might be next to the university, but it's pretty quiet all things considered and it's not too far away from your office, it's only about three subway stops away. Do you want me to ask how much it would be?"    "Oh my gosh, really? Do you know their number?"    Namjoon pulled out his phone instead of replying and quickly sent off a response. "He's selling it for $110,000. So if you have $20,000 you can put down then I say we go take a look at it. He says he's showing it all day today."    "What are we waiting for? Let's go!" You rushed over to gather your things and just thirty minutes later you were standing in the condo. It was much larger, a full two bedroom two bathroom and it would be something you actually owned instead of rented but you could easily afford it. It wasn't as modern, but it was beautiful. It was simple, wood floorings and full windows and a small patio garden out back. You didn't need all the fixings, you just needed something different and this was perfect. Namjoon seemed just as excited as you walked through the place, talking animatedly with the owner about the recent upgrades, the new businesses in the area and after some time you finally spoke to the owner to discuss a meeting with one of your bankers about all of the paperwork. A week later and it was official, you would be closing on the condo in just 15 more days. Change was in the air, and while just a month ago you would have been heartbroken and distraught, now you were excited.

   September first seemed to roll around too quickly, the summer humidity finally starting to be less sweltering and the unpacking was almost complete. By tomorrow you would be officially moving, but today you would be celebrating the birth of Jungkook. While you had a small amount of apprehension and nerves at the prospect of having to see Jin and Rose AKA 'miss perfect' you felt a weight off your shoulder when Namjoon assured you that if you weren't comfortable not only could you leave but he would stay with you. In the last month, he had really helped you open back out of your shell and you didn't feel the aching chasm of being alone anymore. Most of your weekends had been spent baking cookies and packing with him, weekday nights had been spent outside of work and with friends including people that you hadn't seen since the breakup. Your grandmother was no longer saying 'bless your heart' when you talked to her about your plans. All in all, things were looking good, and you felt, dare you say, happy. Waking up in the mornings was exciting again, getting into work was more about the joy of it than proving something to yourself. You were even starting to think about maybe trying to go out on a few dates again although every time that you thought about it your brain kept going back in circles to Namjoon, how perfect it would be to stay up late discussing the societal changes that the 14th-century troubadours brought about, or watching some obscure film and analyzing it would be with him. You hated that you had to keep reminding yourself that he was just a friend, simply a friend and that your brain was only doing this to you because he was the main man that you did spend time with and it had nothing to do with his brilliant mind, kind disposition, and fantastic ass, nope nothing to do with that at all.    Just as you finished wrapping Jungkook's birthday present a knock on your door sounded. It was time, ready or not you were about to face Jin again for the second time after the breakup but the more daunting prospect at that moment was the blossoming, more sinister desires springing up over one of your mutual friends. You really needed to get out more often. Taking a deep breath you gave a warm smile to Namjoon and stepped outside with him.    "You look...beautiful." Namjoon smiled down at you, his gaze wandering quickly over your figure before clearing his throat. "Ready?"    "As I'll ever be." You gave a nervous chuckle as the two of you made your way out onto the street. Luckily Jungkook was just three blocks away and today brought a steady, crisp breeze that brought promises of cooler weather.    "Remember, just say the word and we can leave." He gave a reassuring smile as the two of you walked in a comfortable silence.    By the time you reached Jungkook's apartment you were among the last to arrive and were quickly greeted happily by everyone. Jungkook had latched onto the cookies in Namjoon's hand only to stare at them dubiously after being informed that Namjoon had actually been the ones to bake them. With slight nerves, he had finally taken a bite of one before almost dropping it after saying with a full mouth, "These...these are actually...good?"    Jin and his girlfriend had arrived at just that moment apparently as he said behind you, "Of course their good Jungkook, those are clearly (Y/N)'s."    "No, actually I've been teaching Joonie how to bake, these are his. I must say, he's a pretty good baker now that he's gotten the hang of it." You chose to look only at Namjoon as you spoke, not wanting to turn around and face the two of them just yet.    "Nah, I'm only good because you taught me." Namjoon nervously scratched the back of his neck as he gave an embarrassed smile directed at the floor.    "Oooh, what do we have here. A budding romance?" At the sound of her sugar sweet voice, you turned around to see Rose giggling before kissing Jin, completely missing Namjoon choking on his water at her comment. "Happy birthday Kookie!" You were shocked to realize after seeing the two of them together you didn't feel much of anything. Slight annoyance, yes, but for the most part, you just saw a couple that clearly didn't understand how not to partake in PDA.    "Don't call me Kookie." Jungkook muttered, his annoyance completely missed by most people as everyone shuffled over to get started on his choice of dinner and movies (all Marvel movies, you should have guessed.) You were sandwiched between Yoongi (who spent most of the time ignoring everyone and was instead flipping through Instagram) and Namjoon (who kept glancing over at you every few minutes.)    At a particularly loud fight scene in the movie, Namjoon leaned over to you and whispered, "How are you doing?"    "I'm doing fine Joonie. Really good actually. Thank you...for everything." You whispered back and stole a quick glance up to see a dazzling smile, his eyes crinkling up as he ruffled your hair before leaning back.    Unfortunately, your short interaction was noticed by Rose who loudly spoke out, "What are you two lovebirds whispering about?" You hated that you could feel heat rising off your face as you glared at her. Namjoon sputtered next to you, coughing as he looked at the floor. Yoongi almost dropped his phone next to you and most of the boys, including Jin, looked like they would get whiplash with how quickly they looked at the two of you.    "Hey, you guys are missing the best part!!!" Jungkook shouted, throwing a pillow in the general direction of her voice as everyone returned their attention back to the movie.    You felt horribly embarrassed, but angrier at the injustice of everything. She had been the other woman, she had been the one to steal Jin away but now she was just a nosy bitch and you were tired of her watchful eyes that had remained on you through the rest of the movie. By the beginning of the second movie, you stared back at her for a minute, rolling your eyes as she smirked over at you. Maybe you were being a little...childish...for how annoyed she made you. You normally kept your cool in most situations, and you must admit you were judging her unfairly on already made terrible assumptions about her personality. And that's what gave you the idea. It was horrible, you could already hear the smarter half of your brain telling you that it would be playing into whatever she wanted out of the two of you. The other half though was hopeful that maybe, just maybe there was a possibility that whatever stagnant, underlying tension the two of you had might finally erupt. Maybe Rose was right, maybe there was something there and maybe you had a chance. The more you thought about it the less you wanted to wait. The thought of staying here and dealing with her taunts without knowing was starting to harden your resolve. You had to tell Namjoon. You were a grown woman terrified of a crush, but you knew that you couldn't keep questioning yourself any longer. You didn't just have a crush on Namjoon, you loved him. And maybe, just maybe he saw you as more than a friend too. That growing hope was exactly why you leaned over to Namjoon and whispered to him, "Joonie...what do you say we get out of here?"    "Now??? I mean, I know we've already seen these movies a million times, but Jungkook hasn't gotten to his presents. Are you feeling uncomfortable? Listen, don't listen to her. Everyone know's that...we're...not...like that..." His voice was getting lower and lower as he spoke, his usually attentive gaze was focused solely on his hands. You could feel your hopes start crashing, but you couldn't help but want to keep trying. He might not want you around after this, but god you couldn't keep pretending anymore. You didn't want to hear him say that you weren't like that and not know that you wanted it to be like that again.    "We don't have to...I've got to be honest, she annoys the fuck out of me. But, I don't care what she says, I just...figure...god this is so childish, but..."    "Whispering again? So secretive!" You really should have known that she would interrupt, it was obvious she would notice, she hadn't even paid attention to the movies and you knew that. After all, the two of you had been engaged in a staring contest just a few minutes ago. Anger boiling over you stood up, all eyes widening as you opened your mouth before Namjoon quickly grabbed your hand and spoke for you.    "We were actually just talking about leaving. (Y/N) just moved, and she's still got a lot to unpack. Sorry Jungkook, we'll make it up later!" The warmth of his hand in yours erased the earlier anger, your tension visibly melting as you waved goodbye to everyone.    "Sorry Kook, but I promise once I have my kitchen set up I'll have you over for whatever cookies or cakes you want!" Jungkook gave a smile back before quickly returning to the fight scene, lucky for you he had a relatively one track mind and as long as he could go back to the movie he didn't seem to mind much.    Just as the two of you were walking out of the apartment Jin's voice made both of you turn around. "(Y/N) hold on." Namjoon gave a questioning look to you, but you gave a small smile and nodded your head before he reluctantly let go of your hand and walked down to the stairs.    "Listen, I'm sorry. I....know this has got to be more awkward for you than me. Rose is..."    "A loudmouth? Yeah, I noticed...listen, Jin, it's really okay. Don't worry about it, it's not your fault..." It really was okay too, in fact, you hadn't realized until after seeing Jin again that you were really over everything. You had really moved on. After a moment of awkward silence, you said, "I'm not happy how it happened, but I don't hate you. I want you to be happy."    Jin gave a small smile, his face still creased with worry. "I'm sorry. I was awful, and I...I wish I could have been better for you. You and Namjoon...man you guys make sense. He's great for you, and he'd be so lucky to have you. I know that I fucked up, but you're still one of my best friends and I want you to know that I'm here for you."    You couldn't help but give a large smile as you hugged Jin. "Thank you, Jin. Joonie and I...we aren't like that...but...if I can get up the courage maybe we will be. I...I want you to know that you're still my friend too. Maybe we can catch up some other time, but I think it's time that I finally try to ask Namjoon out so...I'll see you later." The two of you hugged tightly for a brief second as he whispered another small sorry before giving a small wave and walking back into the apartment. "Namjoon, I know you're still standing there, I didn't hear you walk down the steps." Namjoon gave a sheepish grin as you reached him.    "Sorry...I just...wanted to make sure you would be okay...so uh..." He was fidgeting uncomfortably with the hem of his shirt, his face was turning a deep crimson.    "Well, I guess that saves me a lot of trouble. I suppose you heard what I said?" You felt nerves pooling in your stomach, but they were caused by excitement. There was nothing about Namjoon that gave you anxiety, you knew that no matter where this lead to you had a good friend in him but the possibility that you could finally have him as something more was lighting a bright fire in you.    "Yeah...did you mean it? I don't...I didn't want to say anything because I was afraid you were still hung up on Jin but honestly (Y/N), I've loved you since the moment we met. You have this amazing mind, and you're just, god no pictures, paintings, or words will ever do your beauty justice, and you have this presence that's just so comforting and"    "Namjoon, can you just shut up and kiss me?" You grabbed his hands as you looked up into his eyes and suddenly you felt his thick lips collide onto yours. It wasn't slow or gentle, it was a frenzied moment where the slowly simmering tension finally broke. If you were honest, this moment had been under the surface for years. Perhaps from the first time you met him, it had just worked out that you had never paid any attention or thought to the lingering glances and underlying emotions before because you couldn't. The feeling of his plush lips on yours, his tongue gaining entrance and feeling of his hands gripping hard on your hips was enough for you to groan before pulling back, his name came out as a low groan and mangled pant.    "(Y/N), if we don't start leaving I swear I'll take you here right now." You couldn't help but groan again at the images filling your head as you slowly stepped away from him before grabbing his hand.    "Joonie, take me home." The walk back to your apartment had been almost painful, your desire growing at a rapid rate. You hadn't slept with someone and had hardly masturbated in nearly a year so it shouldn't have surprised you how uncomfortably your underwear clung to you from a simple brief makeout session. The smell of Namjoon's cologne was enough to keep you submerged in dark thoughts and the proximity of his lean body enough for you to spiral out into want. By the time you were at the door of the apartment, the two of you were quick to find each other's mouths again. Self-control was rapidly being lost as you felt him pick you up and swing open the door, pushing you onto the wall with a surprisingly gentle thud.    "I need you now." Namjoon was panting in between kisses, his mouth back on you as he bit down on your bottom lip while working to pull off your shirt. As you pulled the material over your head you felt confidence surge through you with his guttural groans. You unwrapped your legs from around his hips as you silently led him to the bedroom, making quick work of your pants before turning back around to him.    "Namjoon, before this goes further, I want you to know that I love you. I've never felt surer of wanting anyone more than right now, and I want this to be something." You needed him to know that this wasn't a rebound, you needed him to know that it wasn't just a body that you needed or convenience or sex, you needed him.    "Thank god, because honestly, I want to fuck you now and tomorrow morning, and the next day but I need you now or I swear I'm going to cum in my fucking pants." He pulled you back into his arms for a softer kiss that spoke more of tenderness than of desire, but your body felt like it was on fire and you were sure that if you didn't get relief soon you would probably combust at the sight of him busting in his pants. Before you could voice your concern however he was quickly walking you back to the bed before slowly slipping off your lace panties, the noise of it departing your slick heat reverberating off the walls. "God, I could just look at you all day."    "Please don't, I need you so bad I feel like I'm going explode if you don't Aaaaaah" You couldn't think after you felt his lips latch onto your clit giving a loud suck. The relief was instant, the nerves on fire at finally feeling something after so long. The sight of his face buried between your legs was making your arousal drip down around him. "God, Joonie, don't stop." You could feel him grin on your heat as his fingers moved quickly to your core, luckily he wasn't a man who enjoyed teasing. He inserted one quickly before adding a second, his fingers slowly moving to work in tandem with his mouth. His face drew back for a moment as your pants turned into long, deep moans to admire your face. His fingers curled right into your spot as he reached down to leave dark marks on the base of your throat. Wrapping your fingers into his hair you brought him back to your face as your hips rutted up with desperation as you found purchase on his lips, moaning as you saw bright white and felt yourself finally let go.    Opening your eyes back up you moved your hand down to pull his wrist gently away from your core, his fingers still slowly moving inside you. "God, that was the hottest thing I've ever seen." You glanced down to realize that you had made a pool underneath you, his jeans stained with your release.    "I've...I've never squirted before." Your admission brought out a strangled groan from Namjoon before he gave you a look of heavy desire, his face changing to pure want as you sat up to undress him.    "I'm the first one to make you squirt?" His words were soft, thick and gravely as he choked them out.    "Not just the first, the only one. Only you can make me cum like that." You were latched onto his collarbone as you said this, wanting to mark him for the world to see.    His hips thrust into your hands as you unbuckled his belt before he stepped away to finally remove his pants and briefs. Your mouth watered at the sight as you fumbled with your bra. He was perfect, his skin glowing from the summer sun, his muscles only a soft glint. His dick was hard against his navel, a mess of precum glinting around the tip as he fumbled back in his jeans for a condom and god he really did have the perfect ass. As he slowly rolled the condom on you relaxed onto the bed, your body no longer sluggish from your earlier release but tingling in desire for another one.    "Are you sure?" He asked as he lined himself up, his face earnest with concern.    "Please fuck me Namjoon." You both let out breathless groans as he slowly entered you, he stood still for a moment as he nestled deep inside you before you rolled your hips into his. It was euphoric, completely addicting how snugly he fit into you, how perfectly he felt inside you at that moment. You felt so filled, so whole and you could tell he felt the same as he slowly started moving, his jaw falling open and eyes screwed tightly shut at the feeling of you.    "You're so tight, god how are you so fucking perfect?" His praise went straight to your core and all you could do was moan in response, your hands reaching up to weave through his silky hair. Slowly he began to pick up his pace and the sound of his hips snapping into yours filled the air with obscene sounds of skin hitting wet skin. As you watched him open his eyes to view him disappear inside your wet heat you could feel yourself tingle, your core becoming tightly strung nerves on the verge of releasing. The feeling of your impending release was washing over your body, your flesh felt on fire and your moans were becoming increasingly deeper, louder, broken with each thrust. Your eyes shut tightly as you tried to voice to him that you were about to cum again but his hands grabbed hold of your jaw as you heard a low rumble from his chest. "I want you to watch me when I make you fall apart." You looked up to see sweat glistening off his chest before looking down when you felt his thumb move to your bundle of nerves and then you felt everything snap. His hands jerked your face back up and suddenly you were seeing stars when you saw his eyes blown out with lust as he looked down at you.    "Namjoon, I'm I'm cu-cu-cuming." Your voice was hoarse as you began to scream his name over and over before his mouth sought yours again. Your tongues intertwined as you could feel his thrusts becoming sloppier, erratic as he chased his own high before his seed spilled inside the condom. With a few more lazy thrusts the two of you broke apart with tired groans before he slumped over onto your body, his face buried in your neck and cock softening inside you. For a few minutes, the two of you laid there, your sweaty limbs tangled together as you stroked his hair lazily, his lips peppering soft kisses along your neck.    "I know that this is kind of backwards, but I'd really like to take you out for dinner tomorrow night." Namjoon slowly pulled out and tied off the condom, tossing it into a wastebasket before he shuffled back towards you.    "How about 7, after I get out of work?" You couldn't help but smile as you pulled yourself closer to the warmth of his skin. He gave a quiet confirmation and the last thing you felt before falling asleep was his arms wrapping tightly around your waist. Perhaps this was backwards, perhaps this was odd the way how it all happened, but the fact that the two of you found each other was all that mattered. In fact, you decided the next morning after waking up to see him sleeping soundly next to you that you would have to thank Rose the next time you saw her for being so nosey that all of this finally happened. You wouldn't trade this moment for the world.

[arrowheadproductions]

The Seven + their Hogwarts houses? Perhaps some Percabeth/Jasiper in the mix?

Considering I spend a lot of time conspiring where these guys would be house-wise, I have to go for it. You can disagree with me if you’d like some aren’t totally set in stone, but some are (for me, anyway).

House Parties (Rated K+)

I can’t take the blame for the vigorous debate that’s buzzing all through camp, not this time anyway. A lot of controversy has surrounded me since I showed up 6 years ago. Actually, my existence itself is considered a controversy. So, I know what it’s like to be the black sheep and have everyone arguing over you. It’s kinda been my life for a while. 

This time? Not my fault, because all of you know by now that I’m not the kind of guy that starts a book club, let alone an entire discourse on a particular book. 

Before you ask, no, Annabeth isn’t responsible here either. I’m not just saying that because she’s my girlfriend and she’ll get mad that I documented my blaming her in physical writing for all of you to read. It’s really not her fault this time. 

This? The wildfire that has metaphorically and physically ignited across the campground? That is the fault of one Leo Valdez. Ironically, he didn’t start the physical fire, even though he totally could. That was Clarisse, but I’ll get into that later. 

It all started when Leo was talking about how the camp library had Greek editions of the Harry Potter books, which were popular to pretty much everyone in our age range. Grover compares me to Harry all the freaking time, which can be annoying, but I’ll admit, the parallels exist. I know the Stoll brothers get prank ideas from the twins in those books (which is pretty unfortunate for the rest of us). Get Annabeth talking about the differences between the books and the movies and you have an entire evening’s worth of conversation dedicated to solely that. It’s mostly one-sided, but I like to watch her get all heated and passionate about a subject. Her cheeks flush and her chest heaves from breathing- sorry, easily distracted. 

“Man, this Hogwarts place sounds awesome.” He said as we all lounged in a clump on the beach. 

After everything we’ve been through, you can’t blame us for all hanging out together. No one understands the experiences we’ve endured except each other and we take comfort in that. We all practically laid on top of each other. 

“I’ve never read them.” I said. 

Piper lifted her head from where she’d been laying across Jason’s lap. “The shame!”

“That’s what I said!” Annabeth looked back at me from her position between my legs. 

“I’ve been a little busy with the world almost ending twice.”

“Newsflash, Seaweed Brain, I was there alongside you practically every step of the way. And I still reread the series.”

“Well, you’re a nerd.” I poked her sides so she squirmed. 

“Harry Potter is not nerdy. It’s super mainstream.” Jason said. “Even I’ve read them.”

“It’s my first time reading them.” Leo said. “And I’m digging every second.”

“They actually didn’t have Harry Potter at Camp Jupiter.” Hazel said. She was building a sandcastle and I was super tempted to fill the moat she was making with actual water.

“So, you’ve never read it either.” I said.

“No, I have. It just took me a really long time with the dyslexia.” She shrugged.

“See, Percy? And she’s from the 1930′s.” Piper said.

I stuck my tongue out at her.

“What house do you guys think you’d be in?” Frank asked.

I knew this much about the series. Annabeth talked about it enough for some of it to sink into my thick skull. Grover and Juniper did a couple’s reading of it (I didn’t know that was a thing) and he IM’ed me a couple of times about their reading pace. I made him swear on the River Styx to never give this idea to Annabeth. 

“I’d be a Gryffindor.” He said confidently.

Piper rolled her eyes. “Literally everyone says that.”

“But I’m brave.”

“We could all easily be classified as brave.” Frank said. “There’s more to it than that.”

He sighed and counted on his fingers. “I’d say I’m passionate, trusting, stubborn, honest, and blunt.”

“But you’re also cunning, adaptable, bold, and charming.” Piper said. “And those are all traits of a Slytherin.”

He scrunched his face up. “I don’t want to be them! They’re all doom and gloom. Save that for the son of Hades.”

“Not all Slytherins are bad. Most are good.” Hazel objected. “I think I’m one, after all. That, or Gryffindor, actually.”

“Agreed.” Annabeth said. “I’m a Ravenclaw.”

“Well, duh.” Piper laughed. “If you’d said anything else, I’d call you delusional.”

“That’s the brainy house, right?” I asked.

“It’s more about wisdom, wit, and curiosity, but there are intellectual components involved.” She said.

“So… Yes.”

She nudged me in the ribs, but I wrapped my arms around her waist to pull her closer. “All right, Wise Girl, I know you’re dying to analyze me to death and pick which house I’d be in.”

“Sad to say you two would be split up, house-wise.” Jason chuckled and wrapped his arm around Piper. “Whereas, Pipes and I would both be Gryffindors.”

“I could definitely see myself in Slytherin too, though.” She pointed out. “The way I use my charmspeak is definitely cunning and using my own abilities/devices to manipulate others is definitely ambitious enough to be considered Slytherin material.”

“Percy and I would do fine as a Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff power couple. We might even both make prefect status.”

“Hufflepuff?” I said. “Why do I have to be in the house that sounds like a Dr. Seuss character?”

“Sounds like Snuffaluffagus to me.” Frank said. “If it helps, I’d probably be Hufflepuff too.”

“See? You’d have a friend.” Piper smirked.

“He’s a Hufflepuff. They make friends super easily.” Annabeth turned to me. “Which you do, by the way.”

“Yeah, but I’m also all of the things Leo said too! And I’m funny.”

“Every house is funny in their own way.” Jason said. “That’s meaningless.”

“Plus, I didn’t realize you were funny.” Leo said. “Like, at all.”

“I’m funny!” I protested.

“I think you’re funny.” Hazel shrugged. “I mean, I can’t always get the humor, but I’m going to chalk that up to time period differences.”

I groaned. Annabeth kissed me on the cheek. “Look at it this way, Seaweed Brain: loyalty and dependability are like your trademark qualities. Bravery, yes, but your fatal flaw is literally the embodiment of the Hufflepuff house.”

It was tough to argue with that. For one thing, I didn’t know enough about any of this to actually come up with some good points of my own. Second, she leaned back so her head was resting against my shoulder and the fresh smell of her shampoo made it hard for me to concentrate on much else.

Leo fell backwards into the sand, book clutched to his chest. Look, I know reading is a popular past-time, but I found it really hard to believe any book could do that.

Frank, on the other hand, did not share this sentiment with me.

“Did you get to the ending?”

“Yeah.” Leo said.

I’d seen the movies before, because I’m not an animal, so I finally felt engaged in the conversation at hand.

“Dumbledorf dying?” I asked and Leo shot up to his feet faster than a jack rabbit. The guy looked like he was ready to murder me and cry all in one go. Everyone gasped and I could feel Annabeth putting some distance between us so she could properly glare at me. I honestly had no idea what I’d did wrong. They all wanted Harry Potter discourse and this was what they got. All I did was try and talk about the book.

“Come on, man!” Jason sighed. 

“Does that not happen? Is he not killed by Snake or whatever his name is?”

“Leo, cover your ears and go finish the series away from this moron.” Piper said.

“HE’S WHAT?”

“Um, did I say his name wrong or something?” I asked, growing very nervous about the way they were all looking at me. Did I have a poisonous spider on my face? Or did I accidentally just unveil a new life-threatening prophecy? Did my breath smell?

“Well, yeah, but that’s not the point!” Annabeth scowled, eyes stormy.

“What is the point?”

“You just…” Leo trembled and it looked like his whole life was falling apart. “You just ruined the series for me.”

“What?”

Everyone groaned.

“That happens in the end of book 6.” Frank said, taking pity on my soul while everyone else continued to alternate between shooting me glares and comforting looks to Leo. 

“And?”

“I’M ON BOOK 1!” Leo tugged at his hair.

My eyes widened. “Oh… So you didn’t know… Oh, crap.”

“Yeah, oh crap! That’s one of the biggest moments in the series.” Annabeth said.

“He said he got to the ending! I thought he meant the ending of the whole series.”

“You didn’t even read the books!” Leo said.

“I’m sorry!” I said. “I saw the movies and-”

“-Oh, you’re one of those people.” Hazel sighed.

“I’m-I am never talking books with you guys ever again.” Leo said. “Not until I finish them anyway.”

“And we can just do it while Percy’s asleep or something.” Jason said. “Just to be safe.”

“Or you could all just watch the movies like normal people.” I suggested.

“Nope, still too dangerous. He’s spoiled shows for me before too.” Annabeth said. “Remember Dexter?”

“I saved you from having to watch that firsthand. That was noble,” I emphasized. 

It didn’t seem to work, because she rolled her eyes. Still, she didn’t resist when I brought her hand to my mouth to kiss her knuckles. Instead, she laced our fingers. In our time of being together, she’d gotten really good at seeming annoyed with me while also finding it in her to be affectionate.

“What is this, book club?” Sneered Clarisse as she stormed the beaches. 

“Apparently, yes.” I said. “Please tell me you want to duel or beat the crap out of me or something more fun?”

She rolled her eyes. “Why does Valdez look like he’s already crapped himself?”

“Because Percy told me Dumbledore dies?”

Her eyes widened and her cheeks flushed. “He what?”

“He told me that Dumbledore is killed by Snape!”

She stormed forward and for a moment, I thought she was going to kill me out of anger, so I tried to protect Annabeth, but it was nice to know that my girlfriend didn’t want me to die over this, because she seemed pretty set on staying in front of me anyway.

Instead, Clarisse grabbed Leo by the shirt and hoisted him upwards so his feet were dangling. We all sat stunned for a moment and probably all very confused at the change of events.

“I HAVEN’T GOTTEN THERE YET!” She hollered in his face and I pitied him, because that probably did not smell good.

All of the color drained from Leo’s face in realization that in the wake of his own trauma, he’d just done the same thing to Clarisse. In an effort to repay him for ruining a hallmark book series for him, I decided it was only fair to divert Clarisse’s wrath to me. I was fairly used to it, anyway

“I’m just surprised you can read, Clarisse.” I said as I stood up from my tangled seating with Annabeth, who was looking up at me in confusion and also with a “I like your face not pounded in” expression.

Her mean mug turned to me and she turned as red as a tomato. “What did you say to me, Jackson?”

“I mean, we would have invited you, but we didn’t feel like sticking solely to picture books.” This was incredibly ironic of me to say, because I usually stuck to comic books, which were basically just picture books.

She dropped Leo into the sand and barreled towards me.

“See you guys later!” I called over my shoulder as she chased me. She resembled the Minotaur when she was angry and determined like this. I figured now might now be the time to bring that to her attention.

And that, my friends, is how Clarisse ended up starting a fire in an attempt to sacrifice me to the Gods. They didn’t accept the sacrifice, because they prefer regular food and all feared I’d be a bit too fishy for their tastes.

And no matter what anyone else tells you, it was all Leo’s fault.

[comic-movieheroesranked]

Cinematic Comic Characters Ranked! (Year 2005) Final Part

Another year, another ranking of our favorite comic book characters to grace the movie screen! This year we have the debut of several movies including: Aeon Flux, Batman Begins, Constantine, Fantastic Four, and Sin City; a spin-off movie centered on Elektra; and the final installment to an outer space trilogy, Star Wars: Episode Three-Revenge of the Sith! Here’s TOP 25!

*SPOILERS FOR ALL THE MOVIES HIGHLIGHTED ABOVE*

25. Dr. Jonathan Crane/Scarecrow (Batman Begins)

"There's nothing to fear but fear itself!"

The second-class criminal that becomes a threat to Batman in a new way. Even though Bruce trained his body physically to withstand anything, he had no preparation to deal with Scarecrow's fear toxin, an attack on the mind. It's Scarecrows toxin that threatens to destory all of Gotham via terrified citizens but it's clear he's not the one pulling the strings. When the toxin starts infecting people, Scarecrow goes on a terror spree until Rachel shuts him down with a taser to the face.

24. Satan (Constantine)

"Looks like someone doesn't have your back anymore."

Don't quite understand why Satan's feet are dipped in black paint all the time but this man is P-E-T-T-Y. John brings him in to save the day (it took me a minute to wrap that around my head too) and that's kinda what he does. He stops his son from trying to overthrow him and take over Earth and he puts the smack down on Gabriel. He really wants John in hell though so before he goes to heaven he brings him back to life so he could sin again because the man is what? PETTY!

23. Hartigan (Sin City)

"An old man dies. A young woman lives. A fair trade."

Hartigan is what I wanted Marv to be. Doing what needs to be done and stopping the bad guy because it's the right thing to do, not because he got great sex. He dedicated to stopping the pervs that keep going after Nancy and asks for nothing in return, he even turns down sex, which proves he isn't a perv either! I don't really think he had to go kill himself but he looked like he wasn't going to last long anyway so at least he went out nobly.

22. Abby Miller (Elektra)

"I don't respond well to authority and I don't take bullshit."

Abby is that annoying little sister you never had. As soon as she meets Elektra she wants to be just like her. She wants to learn how to kill, she wants to use sais, and she also wears her hair the same way. Turns out she's the "Treasure" which is a big deal for both sides. She knows how to fight with a fancy chain and her witty banter with Elektra is adorable so I definitely was happy when she was saved.

21. Rachel Dawes (Batman Begins)

"But it's not who you are underneath, it's what you do that defines you."

I like Rachel and she is a huge reason as to why Batman exists. She knows Gotham is falling apart and she decides to help save it in her own way: the courtroom. She becomes a great lawyer in the DA and won't back down when criminals try to scare her. She also lets Bruce know the huge difference between vengeance and justice and shows Bruce that fighting for the greater good is better than just fighting for yourself. I think this is also why she finds out his identity by the end of the film while most romantic interests like Mary Jane haven't found out their heroes identities until the sequels.

20. Reed Richards/Mr. Fantastic (Fantastic Four)

"I found a broken gasket from space."

Mr. Fantastic is the most boring out of the Fantastic Four, in my opinion. His flexible powers are really handy and make him near indestructible as long as you don't freeze him, but that's kinda it? He's mainly valued for his brains and it's the only thing he relied on when the team went up against Dr. Doom. Seriously, all he did was bark orders while Sue, Johnny, and Ben did all the heavy lifting.

19. Mace Windu (Star Wars: Episode III-Revenge of the Sith)

"May the Force be with us all."

Mace Windu is a boss. He knows how to shut shit down and if Anakin hadn't been a total back stabber (or hand slicer, really), none of the problems they're facing would've been a thing. Instead, Mace gets betrayed and killed by twp people he considered allies.

18. Gabriel (Constantine)

"You're fucked."

I kinda see Grabriel's frustrations in the film. Why should rapists go to heaven just because they repent? Like where's the justice in that? Do I think all humans need to prove their goodness by having Satan's son bring Armageddon to Earth? Absolutely not. Gabriel definitely goes a little insane and because he tries to help Satan Jr., God takes away his wings and makes him human.

17. Sithandra (Aeon Flux)

"You taught me a lot more than that."

Sithandra is a rebel and Aeon's best friend. She had a cool surgery done that replaced her feet with two extra hands. Her loyalty to Aeon is tested when it seems Aeon betrayed the rebels but their friendship prevails as she leads a team of rebels to protect Aeon and Trevor from Oren. Too bad she runs out of bullets just as Oren sends a missile her way, killing her in front of Aeon.

16. Chas Kramer (Constantine)

"You were right, John. It's not like in the books."

I was so angry when Chas died! Like here we have this young kid that just wants to help and actually does help in a huge way. At first all he does is drive John around in a taxi and fails miserably to get into Midnite's club, but turns out he really did his reading. When John couldn't muster up the chant to stop Satan Jr.'s birth, Chas came in and saved the day. And then he died, very brutally.

15. Anakin Skywalker/Darth Vader (Star Wars: Episode III-Revenge of the Sith)

"You underestimate my power!"

Anakin is the type of person who will literally do every shitty thing possible and then still try to make himself the victim. Like how can you justify calling the Jedi evil when you're out here killing children? He even admits he wants all the power in the world to Padme but still tries to act like the Jedi are selfish when Obi-Wan confronts him. Wack! I'm glad he burned to a crisp and I straight up GIGGLED when he got his legs sliced off (Obi-Wan literally told him not to and he does it anyway). He SOMEHOW survives and is transformed into the dangerous Darth Vader that fans of the series have come to know him by.

14. Gail (Sin City)

"Always and never."

I knew I was going to like Gail as soon as she listed tying people up in chairs as one of her specialties. She seems to be the leader of the prostitutes that run Old Town and isn't afraid to get her hands dirty. I think she actually prefers it, which is why I think its accurate that Dwight dubbed her as "Valkyrie." Only thing off about her, for me, was her relationship with Dwight. I mean it seemed obvious she was into him from the get go but I kinda hoped they didn't end up together.

13. Sue Storm/Invisible Woman (Fantastic Four)

"I can't believe I'm doing this again!"

Sue is still in love with Richard but since he isn't willing to courageously take their relationship to where it needed to go, she ended it and tried to move on with the douchebag known as Victor. After the space storm she learns she can not only turn invisible, but she can also create force fields. She spends most her time figuring out where she stands with Richard in their new lives as superheroes but when it comes down to the fighting she's quick and ready to get her hands dirty. Was the proposal a bit rushed at the end? Maybe, but it's clear her and Richard were meant for each other so positive vibes to them.

12. Alfred (Batman Begins)

"What is the point of all those push-ups if you can't even lift a bloody log?"

Alfred is way more than just Bruce Wayne's butler. After his parents are killed he basically takes responsibility over him and raises him. Now that Bruce is a grown adult and bringing the Batman to life, Alfred starts going on his own secret reason. While Ra's Al Ghul is teaching Bruce how to become a legend, something that will never die, Alfred is doing whatever he can to make sure Bruce doesn't lose his humanity. He keeps wanting him to enjoy life and embrace who he is when he isn't wearing the cowl.

11. Aeon Flux (Aeon Flux)

"We're meant to die, that's what makes anything about us matter."

Aeon is the best assassin working with the rebels. After the government kills her sister she's the one they send to take down their leader, Trevor Goodchild. Turns out he's actually good and used to be married to Aeon before the whole world fell apart. She has some really neat gadgets like tiny marbles that explode, shiny egg looking things that disrupt all technology, and she can make her eye pupil grow so she can see if someone spiked her drink. Plus she can do a bunch of flips and knows how to use a gun. It turns out she was meant to destroy everything about the society she lived in and lead it's people to the world outside, one they thought was a wasteland but turned out to be rich with nature and plant life.

10. Obi-Wan Kenobi (Star Wars: Epidsode III-Revenge of the Sith)

"You were the chosen one!"

Obi-Wan Kenobi wasn't as condescending as he was in the last film so that was nice. In fact I think he was very much on his way to seeing Anakin as his true equal until Anakin decided to turn to the Dark Side. His infamous speech to Anakin after he's forced to take him down is pretty sad, he really cared about the other dude and it sucks to see someone you care about ruin themselves like Anakin did.

9. Dwight (Sin City)

"I'm Shellie's new boyfriend and I'm out of my mind."

So he starts off his chapter in a relationship with Shellie, fighting for her honor and then ends his chapter in a relationship with Gail, shooting down all his enemies. Besides him being a bit of a player, he was actually my favorite hero in all the stories. He's not ridiculously unbeatable like Marv and has more of a personalty than Hartigan. He actually admits to needing help from Gail and Miho to stop his enemies. He's obviously pretty smart because he's able to come up with plans left and right once things keep getting shittier which is also nice because I feel like everyone else just goes about things guns ablazing. He does to, but I like that he has back up plans.

8. Elektra (Elektra)

"I died once."

Back from the dead, Elektra has turned into a deadly assassin with no emotion or attachments to anyone. To save her from this dark path, Stick has her tricked into protecting Abby from the Hand, a bunch of evil assassins. She takes care of them no problem, like it seems like she's afraid but when she faces them she pretty much kills them all with no problems. Despite the movie being kinda lame it was so good to finally see Elektra in her red outfit kicking ass with her pair of sai. Like most characters in the Daredevil universe, her tv counterpart ends up being a better version, but unlike the others I would go on record to say that movie Elektra wasn't bad, she was just decent.

7. Yoda (Star Wars: Episode III-Revenge of the Sith)

"At an end your rule is, and not short enough was it."

Yoda is my favorite and only because he really knows how to throw down when he needs to. Like some people try to talk the bad guy into seeing the error of his ways. Nope, not Yoda. He literally always just shows up and is like "So, we're fighting." Except, he mixes up his speech while he does it. His fight against the Emperor was epic and he totally won until the other got to his safety net of soldiers. Still, Yoda accepted failure with grace and decided to leave into exile.

6. Johnny Storm/Human Torch (Fantastic Four)

"Flame on!"

I feel like Johnny represents a lot of us in a situation where we discover we have powers and basically lose our minds because we've decided we're going to be superheroes. Like he changes their outfits, gives them their superhero names and basically creates the brand that is Fantastic Four because he's so excited to be a superhero. His fire/flying abilities definitely help feed the flame that is his confidence as he skyrockets to celebrity status via extreme sports and indulges in the pleasures of his female fans. Still, when it's time to actually be hero, he's there and ready to take on Doom, using his Super Nova heat to melt the metal man away.

5. Ducard/Ra's Al Ghul (Batman Begins)

"If someone stands in the way of true justice, you simply walk up behind them and stab them in the heart."

Ra's Al Ghul is the leader of the League of Shadows, a clan that serves their own justice against those who break the law. Wanting to take down Gotham, the international city of crime, he ends up training the city's prince, Bruce Wayne. Using the death of Wayne's parents as a tool, Al Ghul ends up basically creating the Batman. He's the one that really drills into Bruce's head that he won't fix anything as just a single man. Of course, his methods of justice are radical, to say the least, and it ends up putting him at odds with the new Dark Knight. This ends up being a classic battle of student vs teacher, with Wayne eventually outsmarting Al Ghul at the end.

4. John Constantine (Constantine)

"Gods a kid with an ant farm, lady. He's not planning anything."

My new aesthetic is John Constantine giving Satan the middle finger as he's ascending into heaven. I'm familiar of the character in the comics but I think I only know about the current magic-based one instead of the religious one they tried to portray in the movies. His goal is simple: get ins God's good graces so he doesn't get sent to hell. He doesn't accomplish this by defeating demons like he does throughout the whole movie, or by even stopping the birth of Satan's son, but by giving up his chance at life to spare one girl from a tortuous eternity in hell. He still doesn't end up in Heaven, but now he has a clean slate to live life right.

3. Ben Grimm/The Thing (Fantastic Four)

"It's clobberin' time!"

Ben definitely got the short end of the stick when it came to abilities. Sure he now has super strength but his new rock appearance has people, including his now EX-fiance, running away screaming. What's worse is that, unlike the others, Ben can't even turn it off or on, he's just stuck that way. So I totally get the depressed state he's in when he thinks Richard isn't trying to help him and appreciate so much that despite all that he's still loyal and quickly takes on the Thing again to help his friends go up against Doctor Doom and put a stop to him. In the end he does find happiness with Alicia and his witty banter with Johnny was one of the best parts of the film.

2. Miho (Sin City)

*Silently kills everyone*

Miho is the best damn thing about this entire movie. Each freaking story is about a man saving a helpless girl in some way, shape, or form and Miho just defies all that nonsense. She's a prostitute by day, assassin by night and she literally always gets shit done. She kills a car full of assholes all by herself and saves Dwight's ass several times during the chapter. She can handle several weapons including samurai swords, ninja stars, and a bow and arrow. I'm positive she could go toe to toe with every other character in this film and still come out on top, YES I'm even including Marv because his slow ass wouldn't even see her coming.

1. Bruce Wayne/Batman (Batman Begins)

"Bats frighten me. It's time my enemies shared my dread."

This is the first time we really get an in depth look at how Bruce Wayne becomes the Batman, Gotham's protector. The loss of his parents give him the anger, but its the teachings of Ra's Al Ghul as well as the advice from those close to him that give him the tools to truly serve justice in a city that knows no meaning of the word. It's a hard task getting the police on his side as he tries to rid the city of its most powerful criminals like Falcone and Scarecrow. There's even a personal struggle of keeping the bat separate from the man, as his romance with Rachel won't go any further unless he gives up the costume. Odds are he won't be giving it up soon after he investigates this new enemy that we all know very well. This film was a great birth to one of the most iconic super heroes in comics and one that finally gets DC rolling on it's feet.

[maryreadszbooks]

Zodiac by Romina Russell My rating: 1 of 5 stars I saw this book on Goodreads several months before it was released, and from the description, it sounded really great. A villain whose very existence is considered legend, and a big journey around the galaxy to defeat him, and with a bunch of Greek Zodiac Mythology? I was really excited. But this book is so not worth the high ratings it's gotten here on this site. It didn't start to get interesting until page 150. And until that happened, the most dramatic scenes were about the inappropriate love triangle that didn't even make any sense. It's one thing for the plot to take a while to get started, but it's another entirely for the book to take so long to get interesting after starting the plot in chapter two. And while it did get interesting, it still didn't get good. Rho was not even remotely likeable as a character. She was this whiny little teenager who is completely incapable of realizing that the way she presents herself and her story heavily affects how seriously other people take her. It was more important to her that she tell the whole story as she understands it rather than meet people where they're willing to listen. Matthias outright tells her multiple times that the reason people don't take her seriously is because Ophiuchus is viewed as a mythical being, and how if she wants anyone to believe her, she needs to stick only to provable facts that have evidence to back them up. But then she keeps going on with the story that she knows no one will believe just because she believes it to be true--despite knowing full-well that no one will listen once she does so. All the while claiming that she feels this confliction because she left her home planet behind to protect the entire Zodiac and unite them all. If saving the other Houses from their inevitable doom was so important, she should have done whatever it took to get people to believe her, even if it meant lying by omission. She acted like leaving information out that no one would believe anyway was some kind of betrayal to heavenly morality. It's clear that as readers we're supposed to respect and admire this trait about her, but it just made her come off as self-righteous and uppity, and unable to be practical in the face of danger. It's why I gave up with this book. I wanted to finish it before writing this review, but I really couldn't. All throughout the first half of the book, we're shown what a special little snowflake Rho is supposed to be: she's the only person good enough at star reading to not need the crippling crutch of an astralator to do math! She's named Guardian in a surprise test of character that makes no sense! Despite the fact that there are probably lots of older, more qualified individuals available! All her advisors are too skeptical to believe the unrealistic and poorly explained story of a teenager, but her word is final so they let her run off in a spaceship anyway! This teenager from another House she barely knows instantly trusts her enough to reveal the biggest secret of his life to her at an inappropriate time in the plot! A man several years her senior develops instant bodyguard crush on her despite never speaking to her until the day she becomes Guardian! He is so dedicated to her that he'll follow her everywhere even though he thinks she's full of shit! She masters complicated psychic technology in only two tries! I could go on. Moving on to the other characters...Hysan isn't likable, either. He's an obnoxious joker whose unclear motives just end up making him more annoying, rather than intriguing. He has no respect for other people's property. And he doesn't understand when it is and is not an appropriate time to reveal huge secrets about his life, or the appropriate way to do so. Matthias was completely wooden. The entirety of his characterization was: strong, quiet older guy who is dedicated to Rho's life. And...that's it. Nothing interesting was hinted at in his backstory. He didn't get any character development. And the fact that he returned any of Rho's affections, even mildly, was really unsettling. He's a full grown man and she's not even seventeen yet! What the actual crap? And then he got into a bunch of possession-arguments with a teenage boy because of these feelings. This was the main reason why the love triangle was inappropriate. The other was the fact that the book was supposed to be about this banished, immortal being who could manipulate the psychic plane and destroy entire worlds, and you know, STOPPING HIM FROM DESTROYING WORLDS. Instead, we got 150 pages of love triangle before anything interesting actually happened. I never felt like the galaxy was truly in danger, because the love triangle kept getting in the way. This entire reading experience has been a waste of my time. I got halfway through and put it down. I then proceeded to spend half a week actively looking for excuses not to read any more. As a reader, this is an awful experience. I want to love everything I read, even though that's unrealistic. But this book really did not impress me. View all my reviews

[krissysbookshelf]

Free Ebooks (2/5/17)

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    Freefall: Custom Culture (Book 1) by Tess Oliver: A New York Times & USA Today bestseller. Alexander ‘Nix’ Pierce, Jimmy ‘Clutch’ Mason, and Dray Warner leave high school with not much more than their respective titles of ‘Most likely to break hearts’, ‘Most likely to scam his way to a million bucks’ and ‘Most likely to have a police record’. After graduation, the trio of native Los Angeles guys set out to carve their ways in the custom culture world of the new lost generation.

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  The Battle of Jericho by Walter Marks: The Battle of Jericho is the flagship book in the Detective Jericho series, written by award-winning author-composer Walter Marks. A suspenseful Long Island-based crime novel, The Battle of Jericho follows the notorious Detective Jericho and his new, beautiful junior officer as they tackle a case that will rock Montauk to its core.

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  The Way We Fall by Cassia Leo: From a New York Times bestselling author: Five years after Houston and Rory’s messy breakup, they’re forced to work together to open a new wine bar. But as they grow close again, a long-buried secret threatens to surface and ruin their second chance at love.

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  Steampunk Fairy Tales (Vol. 2) by Multiple Authors: Tales of wonder and delight. Magical fairy tales with a steampunk twist. Can you guess each tale’s inspiration? Collected from authors all over the world.

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  War of Shadows by Jack Conner: Vampires, werewolves and many other supernatural creatures have always existed in the shadows of human society, but now those shadows are about to explode. When Ludwig, an important figure in the Community is assassinated, the various supernatural races launch a terrible war that could spell doom for the whole world, and it’s up to two vampires, Ruegger and Danielle, to stop it.

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  Far Away Home by Susan Denning: In post-Civil War New York City, sixteen-year-old Aislynn Denehy cannot find a job, she has no place to live, and no family to help her. Some might think this is a problem; Aislynn believes it is an opportunity, but she has a lot to learn.

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  What Smiled at Him by Colin Dodds: Childhood friends Lynn and Marv accidentally reunite with Caroline, the longtime object of their desires. A few weeks later, she’s charged with murdering her husband and infant son. They have the means to solve the mystery. The question is: Will they bother?

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                                            The Complete Works of Mark Twain by Oakshot Press:  Novels, Non Fiction, Stories etc

This book is Free on February 5, 2017

Kindle

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  The Complete Works of Charles Darwin by Oakshot Press: Books, Letters, Essays etc.

This book is Free on February 5, 2017

Kindle

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  The Complete Works of Charles Dickens by Oakshot Press: Stories, Poems, Bios, Etc.

This book is Free on February 5, 2017

Kindle

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  The Complete Works of Lewis Carroll by Oakshot Press:  Novels, Poetry, Mathematics etc.

This book is Free on February 5, 2017

Kindle

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  The Complete Works of Jane Austen by Oakshot Press: Novels, Letters, Bios, Etc.

This book is Free on February 5, 2017

Kindle

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  The Complete Works of William Shakespeare by Oakshot Press: Plays, Histories, Sonnets, Etc.

This book is Free on February 5, 2017

Kindle

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  The Complete Works of Edgar Allan Poe by Oakshot Press: Novels, Tales, Plays, Etc.

This book is Free on February 5, 2017

Kindle

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  Spy Dogs by Amma Lee: One day as the loveable dog Puggy was spending time with his owner Bill, Puggy noticed something strange happening at the house next door to them. Puggy watched his new neighbor in suspicion as the man carried a large struggling black plastic bag. Being the curious dog that he was, he snuck out of his house and peered into the neighbor’s window that night once Bill was sleeping. What Puggy saw shocked him! In that house cages littered the ground and computers were set up everywhere! He saw animals locked up in cages and knew that these animals were the animals that were reported kidnapped. “A Suspicious Neighbor” is a book that takes the reader through the journey of a typical dog and with good fortune on his side, he achieved a modified technological body that he vowed to use to save the animals and possibly the whole world.

This book is Free on February 5, 2017

Kindle

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  Adventures of the Scouts by Auntie Rabbit: Benjamin and his sister Tracy are two very dedicated scouts. They are always on the lookout for any good deeds they could do for their family, friends and neighbors.

This book is Free on February 5, 2017

Kindle

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  A French Girl in New York by Anna Adams: Maude Laurent is a spirited sixteen-year-old orphan who grew up in a small, provincial town in the North of France with a passion for piano and a beautiful voice. One day in Paris, she is discovered by an American music producer who takes her to New York to live with him and his close-knit family while producing her first album, with help from teen pop star, Matt. Maude will dive into a new fascinating world discovering New York City, music, family, love and the truth about her past.

This book is Free on February 5, 2017

Kindle Nook

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  Dog Aliens by Cherise Kelley: At three months old, Clem faces his first day of Kaxian duty with anxiety. What will his assignment be? His tail has a mind of its own, which doesn't help matters any. Update May 1, 2016: Now including the entire first Dog Aliens novel!

This book is Free on February 5, 2017

Kindle Nook

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  The Painted Pony by Angharad Thompson Rees: Stargazer the carousel pony lives in a magical world full of rich colours neither you nor I have ever seen. He enjoys his life in the carnival, thank you very much – until he meets a young boy called Sebastian, who has a rather peculiar gift. Sebastian can read Stargazer’s mind, and what starts as a fairground fun, turns into a great adventure. Their lives collide, and nothing will ever be quite the same again…

This book is Free on February 5, 2017

Kindle Nook

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