#she is a goddess and yes I’m specifically thinking about her in that absolutely banging yellow dress again 😍

[sopheliza25]

#justice4shannon

[historyofshipping]

My massive Bellarke is epic and here’s proof from s5-7 rant.

Ok guys I cannot stress enough that I am drunk, this is long, it has strong language, and it’s a trip. I am putting it almost all under a cut because it is 20 f*ing pages on word.

For reference: this was on a discord chat and I am removing all names and a few other things but there will be absolutely no editing. Anything in straight text is me, anything in italics is someone else (there’s several different someone elses so people are separated by line breaks). On my page I think it appears as everything grey is someone else, everything black is me. I’m going to put the beginning on here and rest under the cut. If you’re still going through with this, I suggest some popcorn.

Guys... I'm trying to stay optimistic but I'm really worried that jroth is gonna make bellarke canon in a really disappointing way. Like for me infidelity is a huge no in ships and I hate that becho has gone on so long that there doesn't seem to be a lot of room left in the canon timeline for a becho breakup/end that doesn't ruin the start of Bellarke for me

WAIT I GOT YOU I CAN CALM YOU I THINK BUT FIRST I NEED TO EAT MY BREADSTICKS

Every moment Echo is on the screen I want to claw my eyes out because she's so boring please jroth let it fucking end, but the feminist in me doesn't want her to die or be disrespected just because she's a callous asshole who doesn't deserve him yknow

Eat your breadsticks babe I've been living with my dread for 2 seasons I can hang on a little longer I just wish the entire becho relationship had never happened it's a blight and it's gone on so long adenfkidsngksdgnksdgn

Kate will say it better than I will, but don't lose hope! Becho hasn't really been together on screen for very long. It's only been like a few weeks to a month since the beginning of S5. They've stretched it out over two seasons, but in canon not much time has passed. And most of that time had Bellamy either sacrificing almost 300 lives to save Clarke, poisoning his sister to save Clarke, or fucking off into the wilderness with Josephine to save Clarke. They've just straight up not had enough time for Bellamy to be like, "Hey Echo, I know I said things wouldn't change but that was before my wife was actually alive, so bye." Though  to wishing Becho had just never happened. We got one good angst scene with Clarke seeing them kiss. But otherwise, I could have very much done without their whole relationship.

they gave me 2 dozen breadsticks. i ordered 6

You've been blessed by the breadstick goddess.

oh sorry i was misinformed. i only have 22. apparently one bag only had 4 OK SO BELLARKE BITCHES AM I GOING TO ANNOYINGLY DO THIS IN CAPS SO BUCKLE TF UP

I mean, I love the idea that they only got together in the sixth year on the ring when Bellamy totally lost hope but is that canon? I thought we had a 3 year range

ALL RIGHT

We ignore canon in this channel. lol They've been together for 3 months.

SO LET'S START AT THE BEGINNING OF BECHO ok caps off. i even annoyed myself

I'm so here for this.

https://tenor.com/view/murder-she-wrote-angela-lansbury-jessica-eats-popcorn-interested-gif-4594942

Damn, I was ready for caps.

OK WE'RE BACK TO CAPS

https://giphy.com/gifs/popcorn-go-on-keep-going-Zd1BUb0qs6nwjeMUBu

OK SO WE HAVE BECHO'S FIRST SCENE TOGETHER ANYONE REMEMBER WHAT BELLAMY SAID? ANYONE? THIS REQUIRES AUDIENCE PARTICIPATION

"Hey work with me so I can break everyone out of this mountain"? or something?

OH DAMN I MEANT WHEN THEY WERE CANONICALLY TOGETHER XP

"I'm a goddamn delight who's trying to save your life you ungrateful walnut so maybe don't spit in my face" is what I would have written

LMFAO OJN THE RING WHAT'S THE FIRST THING WE HEAR FROM THEM? THE FIRST IMPORTANT THING? ANYONE?

Unfortunately that scene was physically repulsive for me so I don't remember much except for "nothing will change on the ground and my sister totally didn't mean to murder you"

AHA! THERE YA GO NOTHING WILL CHANGE ON TEH GROUND BECAUSE WHAT IS HE EXPECTING ON THE GROUND? NOTHING TO CHANGE BECAUSE THE ONLY THING THAT COULD CHANGE IS -----

>"I'm a goddamn delight who's trying to save your life you ungrateful walnut so maybe don't spit in my face" is what I would have written I SPIT OUT MY DRINK I CANNOT

ANYONE? YUP

I'm behind. lol

CLARKE

AND THEN WE GOT TO THE GROUND, WHAT HAPPENED?

BEING ALIVE

His sister having more taste in his romantic partners than him?

WHAT WAS THE LITERAL ONE THING THAT COULD HAPPEN THAT WOULD CHANGE BELLAMY'S MIND DING DING DING CLARKE IS ALIVE

10 points to 

AND WHAT DOES OUR BABY BOY DO?

SACRIFICE 300 PEEPS FOR HIS WIFE

Clarke with a gun AND a kid AND a rover AND bedtime storytelling practice like what more could he want that's all the things he loves

A LITTLE AHEAD BUT BANG

BABY BOY FOLLOWS CLARKS DAUGHTER FIRST, LEAVING ECHO IN THE LITERAL DUST (that's what he does before sacrificing lives)

WE WENT FROM "I WILL NOT TOUCH THESE PEOPLE BECAUSE WE'RE GOING TO DO BETTER." TO "I WILL SLAUGHTER 283 PEOPLE WITHOUT RAISING AN EYEBROW" BECAUSE RANDOM CHILD SHOWS UP AND SAYS "CLARKE'S IN TROUBLE" RANDOM CHILD WHO HAS JUST KILLED A BUNCH OF HARDENED CRIMINALS

He had the dad mug tho, he had to help her

HE SAW HIMSELF IN HER HE KNEW

OK

HIS SOUL KNEW

SO WE'RE THERE NOW BUT THEN BANG, WE'RE ON THE GROUND AND OH FUCK I FORGOT I HAD A GIRLFRIEND BUT BELLAMY IS LOYAL SO HE SURE AF ISN'T DOING ANYTHING UNTIL HE'S DONE WITH ECHO BUT

He's had 2 seasons!!!!!

CLARKE BASICALLY ACTS LIKE SHE DIDN'T CARE ABOUT THE SEPARATION THOU SHALT NOT POKE HOLES IN MY SHIT UNTIL I AM DONE

>He's had 2 seasons!!!!! But only like a few weeks in time.

BECAUSE THESE TWO FUCK HEADS CANNOT HAVE A CONVERSATION

Forgive me!

SO WE HAVE A GRAND TOTAL OF FEWER THAN 3 WEEKS THAT THEY'RE ON THE GROUND AND THEN IN THAT TIME WE HAD.... one sec pPLEASE TAKE A MOMENT TO REVIEW THE TIMELINE https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/620425806742749184/season-5-7x03-so-far-timeline FOR SEASON 5 ALL RIGHT SO WE HAVE THEM TOGETHER FOR LESS THAN A WEEK BEFORE BELLAMY'S LIKE (FROM CLARKE'S PERSPECTIVE) "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR KID, I HAVE TO SAVE MY FAMILY" SO THEN WE HAVE THEM SPEND THE NEXT 10 DAYS APART BECAUSE SHE LEFT HIM AFTER SLAPPING HIM AND SHE THOUGHT HE DIED BECAUSE THEY ARE FUCKING MORONS WHO CAN'T HAVE A CONVERSATION (YOU WILL NOTICE A RECURRING THEME) AND THEN, ECHO HAS LEARNED THAT NOT ONLY HAS CLARKE CARED ABOUT BELLAMY ALL THIS TIME BUT THAT SHE'S ONCE AGAIN READY TO PUT THE FATE OF HUAMNITIY ON THE LINE TO SAVE HIM "GO SAVE HIM. EVEN TAKE MURDER!DAUGHTER WITH YOU" BUT BELLAMY STILL DOESN'T KNOW THIS SO ANYWAY WE HAVE ANGST!BELLAMY GET PARENT TRAPPED BY MURDER!DAUGHTER are y'all still with me? AND THEN WHAT HAPPENED IMMEDIATELY AFTER MURDER!DAUGHTER'S INTERVENTION?

BELLARKE FORGIVENESS ™

YAS NOT ONLY THAT BUT SOFT!BELLARKE RETURNS WITH A VENGEANCE [side note: you can pry this theory from my cold dead hands but there was 100% a canon bellarke scene between forgiveness and 125 year wake up just in case they ended at season 5.]

[I need them to publish that scene when this is all over]

ALL RIGHT SO FUCKING MARPER - WHO SPENT A TOTAL OF LIKE 4 MONTHS WITH CLARKE BUT 6 YEARS WITH THEIR FAMILY- DECIDED TO WAKE UP BELLARKE TO TALK TO AND GIVE GUARDIANSHIP TO AND WHY DID THEY DO THAT?

THEY BEEN KNEW

I'LL ACCEPT IT

OK SO WE GET THIS PROMISING FUTURE TOGETHER ON THIS NEW PLANET RIGHT?

WRONG MURDER POLLEN

OK BUT TECHNICALLY BECHO IS STILL TOGETHER. NO PROBLEM - WE NEED TO FIGURE OUR SHIT OUT AND THEN WE'LL HAVE PLENTY OF TIME TO HAVE PEACE AND GET TOGETHER OK SO I'M JUST GOING TO START SAYING "CHORUS" WHEN I MEAN "BECAUSE THESE TWO DUMBASSES CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER" IS CHORUS THE RIGHT WORD? OR IS IT REFRAIN? WHATEVER ONE REPEATS - THAT ONE ALL RIGHT SO WE HAVE THEM GOING INTO THE VILLAGE AND EVERY TIME THERE IS DANGER, BELLAMY GOES IMMEDIATELY TO CLARKE WHEN IT'S PEACEFUL, OPE IT'S BACK TO ECHO

(like the husband he is)

I HAVE A WHOLE META ABOUT THAT IF YOU WANT IT BUT SO THEN THE FIRST TIME - LITERALLY THE FIRST TIME SINCE THE MARPER VIDEO - THAT THEY'RE ALONE, IT'S BECAUSE BELLAMY HAS SOUGHT HER OUT AND WHY DID BELLAMY SEEK HER OUT? Y'ALL I'M ONLY AT 6X01. I HAVE SO MUCH AMMUNITION BUT SOMEONE IS WELCOME TO SCREEN SHOT THIS SO THAT THE NEXT TIEM WE HAVE DOUBTS, I DON'T HAVE TO TYPE IT ALL OUT SO WHY DID BELLAMY SEEK HER OUT?

>Y'ALL I'M ONLY AT 6X01. I HAVE SO MUCH AMMUNITION @kate (historyofbellarke) "Give a position show me where the ammunition is" from My Shot just popped into my head lololol

WHY DID BELLAMY LEAVE HIS CANONICAL GIRLFRIEND TO GO SEEK OUT CLARKE?

BECAUSE HE LOVES HER AND ALSO BECAUSE THERE WAS DANGER

OK BUT WHY SPECIFICALLY NOOO WHEN CLARKE WAS IN THE SCHOOL

AND THE LAST TIME SHE WASN'T IN HIS SIGHT SHE ALMOST DIED

OK THAT TOO

Okay I'm lost at this point then.

LOL

Phone a friend.

Bc she sucks and Clarke's the best?

I'LL LET ---- CHIME IN LMFAO I LOVE YOU GUYS KNOW IT'S TO TELL HER THAT HE KNOWS ABOUT THE CALLS

OH THAT SCENE

HE KNOWS THAT SHE CALLED HIM EVERY DAY FOR 2,199 DAYS HE SOUGHT HER OUT, BY HERSELF, TO TELL HER THIS

YES YES

BUT BECAUSE CHORUS

WE'RE BACK THESE FUCK HEADS CAN'T HAVE A CONVERSATION

SHE GOT NERVOUS AND DUCKED OUT BECAUSE IT'S BEEN LESS THAN 3 WEEKS SINCE HE CAME BACK AND SHE'S OVERWHELMED BECAUSE HOLY FUCK WHAT A 3 WEEK PERIOD THAT WAS (REFER BACK TO TIMELINE AS NEEDED) ALL RIGHTY SO THEN AFTER THAT THEY FIND OUT ABOUT THE RED SUN WHICH BY THE WAY IS ONE OF MY FAVORITE THINGS BECAUSE HE CALLS OVER ECHO JUST TO PROMPTLY IGNORE HER COMPLETELY [AND BECAUSE IT'S ME, I HAVE A GIFSET FOR THAT] SORRY I GOT DISTRACTED

NO WE'RE HERE FOR THE GIFSET

I'M LOOKING OK IT'S PART OF THIS SO YOU GET A 2 FOR 1 https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/184827185143/bellarke-danger-vs-becho-safety OK NOW I FORGOT WERE I LEFT OFF OH YEAH IGNORING ECHO ALL RIGHT SO THEN WE HAVE EVERYTHING GO TO SHIT AND OF COURSE, BELLARKE LOCK THEMSELVES TOGETHER AND WE HAVE THE ANGST THE ANGST BUT THEY HAVE EACH OTHER'S KEYS

WHICH IS A MARRIED MOVE IF I EVER HEARD ONE

BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE KEY TO MY HEART, WHEREVER YOU ARE, I'LL KEEP YOU

That's a very comprehensive gifset

IF YOU DON'T KNOW THAT SONG THEN I FEEL OLD SO YOU HAVE THEM UNLOCKING EACH OTHER BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY ARE

I might drift in and out of conversation, partner wants attention but I wanna finish reading this asdfgh

AND HE'S LIKE "NAH ECHO, WIFEY AND I GOT THIS. WE GOTTA TAKE CARE OF OUR KIDS." TELL THEM TO WAIT THEIR TURN SO THEY'RE GOING LITERALLY PSYCHOTIC BUT THAT'S COOL. I TRUST THE OTHER ONE ENOUGH TO NOT KILL ME BUT OH WAIT - WHAT IS BELLAMY'S PSYCHOSIS ?

Not needing Clarke anymore...?

YUP WHICH MEAN S

He needed her and knew it at some point

YUP ALSO I FOUND THAT GIFSET THAT I IDD TO THAT SONG https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/184725894498/this-song-popped-into-my-head-and-i-had-to OK SO SKIPPING AHEAD, HIS BIGGEST SECRET IS THAT HE DOES STILL NEED HER OK EVEN I'M STARTED TO GET BORED SO I'LL GIVE BULLET POINTS FROM HERE ON OUT SO WE HAVE HIM NEEDING HER HIM CALLING HER THE LEADER EVEN THOUGH SHE HASN'T BEEN FOR LIKE 6 YEARS AND WE HAVE HIM PINING OVER HER AT THE DANCE FLOOR AND PICKING A FIGHT WITH ECHO OH YEAH AND WE SEE ALL THE  BECHO CRACKS HERE

This has been a v good rundown, I won't lie.

LOL

ONWARD  I'M BACK ON TRACK

WE HAVE JUXTAPOSED: ECHO NOT KNOWING WHAT TO SAY WITH REGARDS TO OBUT CLARKE KNOWING EXACTLY WHAT TO SAY EVEN AFTER 6 YEARS

BECAUSE WIFEY

https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/618426948212965376/historyofbellarke-4-times-someone-knew-the-right

Really you'd think the spy would know what someone wants to hear smh

NAH BECAUSE SHE HAS NO EMOTIONAL EMPATHY. WE'LL GET TO THAT EVENTUALLY

She's also kinda a shit spy. Like when has she ever done actual spying.

Y'ALL I HAVE A GIF FOR EVERYTHING. I'M THE LIZ WARREN OF BELLARKE GIFS GIFSETS AT LEAST

You don't need empathy to fake it, Madison's right she's just such a bad spy :joy:

I'VE GOT NOTHING ON ---- FOR JUST GIFS LOLi

I say this as someone who was 10/10 a spy in a past life at least according to my recurring dreams about it1

OK SO THEN WE ALSO HAVE BELLAMY SIDING WITH CLARKE AT EVERY TURN, OVER ECHO'S EXPLICIT OBJECTIONS AND WE HAVE HER NOTICINGGGGGG WE'RE HERE FOR THIS CONTENT

https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/185265380768/6x04-bec-scene-follow-up-with-6x05 JUST ONE EXAMPLE

HATE TO SEE IT 

SO WE HAVE BELLAMY CLEARLY SHOWING THAT HE'S HER LEADER - WHETHER HE MEANS TO BE OR NOT - WHICH COMES IN IN 7X01

Total aside but now I want a modern au where Bellamy doesn't know how to break up with Echo so he tries to ghost her while everyone around him is pulling their hair out

OH SHIT ONE SECOND I HAVE TO DO DUOLINGO SO I DON'T LOSE MY STREAK BRB

>Total aside but now I want a modern au where Bellamy doesn't know how to break up with Echo so he tries to ghost her while everyone around him is pulling their hair out ---- I love this, actually. WE SHALL HOLD YOUR SPOT

No one in this goddamn canon knows how to have an actual breakup conversation they only know how to die

CORRECT CHORUS

BECAUSE THESE TWO DUMBASSES CAN'T TALK TO EACH OTHER

Ironically Raven and Finn are the only ones who have had a half-normal breakup.

Will be back, partner is dramatically exclaiming that I don't love him anymore bc I won't go give him a goddamn hug bc the meta's too good

BOOM OK I'M BACK

SIDE NOTE BEFORE WE'RE BACK

GO ON

What language are you learning on Duolingo?

relearning spanish and then german german for work, spanish because i used to be fluent and i'm so bad now xp

This entire convo is a chaotic mess

We are a chaotic mess.

WELCOME TO THE HELLMOUTH, ----

Our ship is a chaotic mess.

It all tracks, honestly.

WE WOULD'VE ALL BEEN SO MUCH BETTER OFF IF JASPER HAD DESTROYED THE CHIP OOK SO MOVING ON NOW I FORGOT WHERE I LEFT OFF OH YEAH LEADER PERF SO OH YEAH I FORGOT TO ADD - 6 & 7 ARE ONE SINGULAR SEASON SO

This convo should totally be convered into a Masterclass session at the end. YES

WE'VE GOT A RUNNING THREAD OF ECHO BEING A FOLLOWER OF BELLAMY AND HER KNOWING IT

6/7 ARE ONE SEASON WE'RE HERE WE'RE LIVING

BUT BACK TO S6 SO WE HAVE BELLAMY BEING THE FIRST TO REALIZE THAT CLARKE WANS'T CLARKE AND WE HAVE THIS BEAUTIFUL MOMENT

I’m here and all of this is glorious

OH YEAH THERE'S ALSO THIS BUT I DIGRESS https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/618548726524510208/historyofbellarke-5x09-6x04-6x05 THE FIRST ONE HERE - https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/616075629201408000/just-some-clips-ofabout-bellamy-where-either HE'S WILLING TO RISK EVERYTHING EBCAUSE CLARKE MIGHT BE AT RISK  EVEN THOUGH THEY LITERALLY HAVE NO WHERE ELSE TO GO OH YEAH FUCKING MURPHY - I'LL GET BACK TO HIM ALL RIGHT SO THEN WE HAVE BELLAMY FIGURING IT OUT AND THE HORROR BLOOMING IN HIS SOUL AND THEN WE HAVE HIM LITERALLY WITH A ROOM DESTROYED EVERN THOUGH HE IS CHAINED UP LIKE SERIOUSLY HOW DID HE MANAGE THAT AND THEN TRY TO KILL RUSSELL THE SECOND HE COULD BECAUSE HE HURT CLARKE EVEN THOUGH, AGAIN, THAT'S THE ONLY WAY HE AND HIS PEOPLE COULD SURIVVE BUT WITHOUT CLARKE, HE'S NOT ALIVE. HE ONLY SURVIVES AND HOW DO WE KNOW THIS? BECAUSE HE FUCKING SAYS IT (implicitly)

I just came into this. I have nothing to add I just want to say I’m living for it

:heart:

Agreed, this conversation is giving meaning to my insomnia :joy:

https://historyofbellarke.tumblr.com/post/618973621000585216/just-a-reminder-that-bellamy-canonically-only

WHOLE F*ING THING ON SURVIVING VS LIVING AND THEN ONCE HE DECIDES THEY'RE GOING TO LIVE (AND LET RUSSELL LIVE)  BECAUSE IT'S WHAT CLARKE WOULD'VE WANTED, HE SAYS "WE SURVIVE" LOOKING LIKE THE SADDEST FUCKING PUPPY IN EXISTENCE AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THE FACT THAT WE HAD A WHOLE DAMN EPISODE OF A 13 EPISODE SEASON DEVOTED TO BELLAMY SUFFERING BECAUSE HIS WIFE DIED AGAIN 3 WEEKS AFTER SHE WAS RESURRECTED SUBTLE, JASON. SUBTLE. OK NOW BACK TO MY BELOVED COCKROACH MURPHY AND BELLAMY ARE ARGUABLY THE TWO CLOSEST NON-ROMANTIC (:upside_down:) PEOPLE ON THE SHIP THE RING RIGHT? OK WE'RE GOING WITH IT ANYWAY

Hmmm yes(I agreee) but also Clarke and Murphy have that understanding that transcends words?

THEY ARE THE CLOSEST ROMANCE WITHSTANDING ON THE SHIP

AND MURPHY, MY BELOVED MURPHY, HAS BEEN THERE FROM "I'LL CHOP HER HAND OFF" TO "OH FUCK OH FUCK OH FUCK CLARKE IS UNCONSCIOUS AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO" TO "YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE HERE SAVING SOMEONE THEY CARE ABOUT"

BECAUSE BELLAMY DOES NOT EVEN KNOW ECHO'S ACTUAL NAME AND THEREFORE THEY ARE NOT CLOSE

LOL SO MURPHY AFTER 6 YEARS IS TRYING TO GET BELLAMY TO DO SOMETHING HE WANTS (WE'RE BACK IN SEASON 5 NOW, SORRY) AND HOW DOES HE DO THAT?

AND INVOLKES MOM'S NAME

BLESSED BE "WELL IF CLARKE WAS HERE" BELLAMY ESPLODES OK SO NOW WE HAVE MURPHY AGAIN WHO KNOWSSSS AND WHAT DOES HE SAY TO JOSIE? ABOUT BELLAMY

If Clarke is dead Bellamy will kill us all HE KNOWS

BAM ALSO, REFER BACK TO PREVIOUS GIFSET, SAME MURPHY "OH YEAH I'LL TRY TO HELP ECHO TOO" BECAUSE MURPHY KNOWSSSS OOK THAT'S ALL FOR MURPHY NOW SO WE HAVE BELLAMY "WE'RE GOING TO SURVIVE BECAUSE I CAN'T LIVE WITHJOUT CLARKE BUT I'M GOING TO ONCE AGAIN HONOR HER FUCKING MEMORY" UNTILLLLLL WHAT HAPPENS

lol @ Murphy having to remind Bell his gf exists hahahah UNTIL HIS SOUL REALIZES CLARKE IS ALIVE

BUT HOW DOES HE REALIZE THAT

BECAUSE YOU CAN'T CONVINCE ME HE KNEW IT WAS MORSE CODE BECAUSE OF EARTH SKILLS NO

HE KNEW IT WAS MORSE CODE BECAUSE HIS SOUL FUCKING KNEW HIS WIFE WAS ALIVE

Yesss

PLATONIC SOULMATE MY ASS JASON

Morse code is life

[okay rant over, continue Kate]

MILLER'S FACE WAS LIKE "YOU FUCKING WHAT MAN?"

(side note- i am getting alive in morse code on my wrist when covid clears) OK SO WE'RE BACK SO WE HAVE JOSIE TAPPING HER FINGERS

Oh I love that I have friend who has that tattoo

YES TAP TAP MILLER GOING WTF BELL GOING ALL GIDDY PUPPY WITH A BONE

WHICH MEANS BELLAMY HAD TO HAVE GONE BACK TO HIS FAMILY AND SAY "OK WE'RE GOING TO RESCUE MY DEAD WIFE. SHE'S ALIVE. IKNOW BECAUSE JOSIE WAS TAPPING HER FINGERS." AND THE FAMILY HAD TO GO "YEAH OK THAT MAKES SENSE."

AND NO ONE QUESTIONED IT BECAUSE THEY BEEN KNEW

Yessss

SO WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO DO? LIKE IT WAS EVEN A QUESTION. THEY'RE RESCUING CLARKE AND BY THEY'RE I MEAN HE BECAUSE HE DOES NOT GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THEM AT THE MOMENT SO HE'S LIKE "READY OR NOT, I'M RESCUING MY WIFE. BYEEEEE" AND JORDAN'S LIKE "WHAT ABOUT PRIYA?" AND EVERYONE'S LIKE ".... SORRY BRO. CLARKE. YOU WANTED HEART BELLAMY. YOU GOT HIM." SO HE GOES, LEAVING HIS FAMILY BEHIND WITH A BUNCH OF PSYCHOPATHIC MURDERERS WHO KNOW THAT BELLAMY IS GOING TO KILL THEIR DAUGHTER BUT HE'S JUST LIKE... BYE AND HE KNOWS, AND WE KNOW THAT HE KNOWS, BECAUSE JOSIE TAUNTS HIM ABOUT IT THE WHOLE TIME BECAUSE JOSIE IS THE AUDIENCE BASICALLY

JOSIE IS US BUT SLIGHTLY MORE PSYCHOTIC

ALL RIGHT SO SKIPPING AHEAD, SKIPPING AHEAD, YOU HAVE JOSIE'S WHOLE RUN DOWN OF THEIR RELATIONSHIP

TOGETHER

AND HIS VERY LONG PAUSE FOLLOWED BY "I WON'T LET YOU DIE"

EXHAUSTING

INSTEAD OF I FUCKING LOVE YOU BECAUSE CHORUS SO WE GET CLARKE BACK THROUGH SHEER FORCE OF BELLAMY'S WILL

>AND HIS VERY LONG PAUSE FOLLOWED BY "I WON'T LET YOU DIE" @kate (historyofbellarke) "I LOVE YOU, BITCH. I AIN'T EVER GONNA STOP LOVING YOU, BITCH."

"I'LL SHAVE THE BEARD" SO WE HAVE CLARKE WHO GAVE UP LIVING BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT BELLAMY GAVE UP (REMEMBER, JOSIE SHOWING HER THE MEMORY OF BELLAMY SAYING WE'LL TAKE THE DEAL) AND THEN CLARKE COMING BACK TO LIFE BECAUSE BELLAMY WOULDN'T GIVE UP AND THEN WE HAVE OCTAVIA, MY BROTHER POISONED ME FOR HIS WIFE AND I STILL RAISED MY NIECE ON STORIES OF EPIC BELLARKE, BLAKE IN THE BACKGROUND BEING ALL OF US

>SO WE HAVE CLARKE WHO GAVE UP LIVING BECAUSE SHE THOUGHT BELLAMY GAVE UP (REMEMBER, JOSIE SHOWING HER THE MEMORY OF BELLAMY SAYING WE'LL TAKE THE DEAL) @kate (historyofbellarke) OMG I HAVE A SPEC ABOUT THIS I HAVE A SPEC ABOUT THIS BUT IMMA WAIT TIL WE'RE DONE TO POP INTO SPEC TO TALK IT OUT OKAY CONTINUE

i'm going to keep going, but have i done a pretty good job of convincing anyone who was wavering? because remember this is all canon.  i have done absolutely no spec-ing at all.

I'm very hype rn. Ngl.

lol

Could flip a tire for Bellarke rn kind of hype

OK SO NOW CLARKE IS ALIVE BUT OH FUCK, THE REST OF THE FAMILY IS IN TROUBLE WE LITERALLY HAD MURPHY, MY BLESSED MURPHY, SHOW UP TO GO "YO. YOUR GIRLFRIEND." AND BELLAMY GO https://media.discordapp.net/attachments/591463308117278720/716493560610029708/tumblr_pv4mkld49N1xsmktho1_500.gif SO OF COURSE, IT'S NOT TIME TO TALK BECAUSE CHORUS

DUMBASSES NO TALKIE

SO WE GET EVERYONE FIXED. A BUNCH OF UNNECESSARY PLOT SHIT HAPPENS. AND THEN BELLAMY LITERALLY PUSHES HIS GIRLFRIEND OUT OF THE WAY TO GO AND DO A DRAMATIC SUNSET REUNION WITH HIS WIFE AND THEN PLOT SHIT PLOT SHIT PLOT SHIT WE'RE IN S7 AM I MISSING S6 STUFF? PROBABLY BUT Y'ALL IT'S LITERALLY BEEN 4 WEEKS IN CANON AT THIS POINT AND I MISSED A LOT OF SHIT. SO Y'KNOW. OUR BABIES ARE TIRED N AND NOW WE'RE ALL GOOD RIGHT? JUST GONNA GO HAVE A QUICK MEETING WITH GABRIEL AND THEN GO BACK TO MY WIFE SO WE CAN TALK OVER SOME TEA THEN BAM, O GETS STABBED AND THEN WE HAVE . 4 EPISODES THAT HAPPEN OVER 2 DAYS BEFORE CLARKE'S LIKE "WELP. I'M THROWING MYSELF HEAD FIRST INTO A WORM HOLE TO GO GET MY HUSBAND AND HIS STUPID GIRLFRIEND." AND YOU HAVE EVERYONE ELSE GOING "I'M SORRY, DID YOU THINK ANYTHING ELSE WAS GOING TO HAPPEN?" AND FOLLOWING AND THE S6/7 WRITERS MOSTLY JUST CHOSE TO IGNORE THAT S4/5 WRITERS GAVE CLARKE A DAUGHTER BECAUSE, WELL, I DON'T BLAME THEM EVEN THOUGH I LOVE MADI SHE'S AN UNNECESSARY COMPLICATION SO HAND WAVING SHE'S FINE SO NOW WE'RE UP TO PRESENT

Fully convinced Madi was there to ensure Clarke didn't go fully insane on Earth and provide motive for that bitch slap scene from S5.

brb spilled beer

Oh, and to parent trip Bell/Clarke.

>brb spilled beer @kate (historyofbellarke) makes sense after the tea you're spilling on this channel

Someone really oughta document this convo for a later date. lol We will need to reference it before end of the season, bet. lol

blesss i do not deserve my partner he told me to go sit down and is cleaning it also i went to finish the last of the unspilled stuff and promptly spilled it down my chest so ALL RIGHT WHERE WERE WE OH YEAH AND BELLAMY FORGAVE HER BECAUSE MADI WAS LIKE "YO YOU'RE A PARENT TOO AND REMMEBER SHE STOOD BY YOU WHEN YOU PUT OCTAVIA ABOVE LITERALLY EVERYTHING" AND BELLAMY WAS LIKE "OH... SHIT." AND THEN SHE WAS LIKE "SHE CALLE DYOU EVERY DAY YOU DUMBFUCK" AND YOU HAVE THE PATENTED "OMG, DOES CLARKE HAVE FEELINGS FO RME TOO???" JAW DROP BUT NOW BACK TO PRESENT

(Now if someone will just fucking tell her that he did the equivalent grant gestureTM of the radio calls except w/ poison)

i didn't even include the fact that he fucking poisoned O, that diyoza referred to her as his girlfriend, etc etc etc OH AND AS TO WHY HBECHO ISN'T GOING TO BE A HTING ANYMORE BESIDES EVERYTHING I'VE SAID

FINN COLLINS THAT'S WHY

BASUCALLY YES

FINN COLLINS EXCEPT AT LEAST CLARKE KNEW HIS REAL NAME

THEY DID A LITERAL EXACT PARALLEL BETWEEN BELLAMY AND ECHO SPFEIHOi4ur YES LIKE IT'S LIKE THE WRITERS FOUND BESTOFBECHO AND WENT "FUCK, ARE WE NOT BEING OBVIOUS ENOUGH? TIME TO CALL IN ZACH MCGOWAN" ( THEY FUCKING GOT ZACH ON A PLANE FROM LA TO VANCOUVER TO JUST SAY "YOU DON'T LOVE HIM" LIKE I DON'T THINK PEOPLE REALIZE HOW INVOLVED OF A PROCESS IT IS TO GET AN ACTOR THERE - ESPECIALLY IN CANADA WHERE YOU HAVE TO BALANCE NON-CANADIAN WITH CANADIAN ACTORS OR YOU CAN'T SHOOT IN CANADA SO THIS AMERICAN HAD TO BE TAKEN INTO ACCOUNT FOR THE WHOLE SEASON FOR A 2 MINUTE APPERANCE BUT THE WRITERS WERE LIKE "YO HUGE NEON SIGN RIGHT HERE" AND THEN SHE CONTINUED ALL SEASON IN THAT VEIN UNTIL 7X05 WHEN SHE BROKEEEEE OVER HIS "DEATH"

BECAUSE HER SOUL DIDN'T KNOW HE WAS ALIVE LIKE BELL DID CLARKE

AND DID THE EXACT SAME FUCKING THING BELLAMY DID WHEN HE FOUND OUT CLARKE WAS ALIVE

And also as mentioned, she's a shit spy.

BECAUSE THE WRITERS ARE LIKE "CAN WE MAKE IT MORE OBVIOUS? I'M NOT SURE HOW!" so now we're at present day and here's a bit of crack spec-ing

THANKS FOR THIS LONG ASS META !!

YOU ARE WELCOME once again if i put that amount of effort into my dissertation, i'd be a phd with a published book or 3

This was a joy to read An utter joy This reaffirmed all my beliefs and got rid of all doubts I had

https://tenor.com/view/about-to-ugly-cry-ugly-cry-emotional-sensitive-crying-gif-8033343 i aim to please so now we have that O/B scene so we as the audience know something is off. bellamy was dragged sobbing and unconscious by his captors to suddenly being awake, fine, and killing a bunch of trained soldiers and holding someone hostage with his left hand. so then you have O, noticing something isn't quite right, casually bringing up clarke's name clarke. fucking. griffin. who bellamy had JUST brought back from the dead after learning she was alive and he's just... calm? about O possibly doing something with these psychos that's related to clarke? HE JUST POISONED HIS SISTER LIKE A WEEK AGO TO SAVE CLARKE'S LIFE i cannot stress this enough. bellamy fucking blake would not just go "huh?" when O, his sister that he's barely tolerating, goes "i'll tell you, you psychotic cultists, everything about my sister-in-law" and that's it. that's where i'm at s6 was about bellamy literally pulling clarke back from death s7 will be about clarke literally crossing time and space to get back to bellamy THIS IS AN EPIC FUCKING LOVE STORY AND ANYONE WHO THINKS OTHERWISE IS WRONG AND NOW I'M GOING TO TAKEA . SHOWER BECAUSE I SPILLED BEER ON MYSELF BUT I WILL BE BACK also i didn't think iw as drunk but then i reread that and started crying so it's definitely shower time

[myownworldstayout]

Prompt #30 Betrayal

@felixmonth

“I look ridiculous.” Felix said curtly, glaring at the mirror in front of him.

The blonde behind him scoffed, dismissively waving her hand back and forth. “Fe, you look fine. This play is meant to be dramatic and old.”

“Allegra, how am I supposed to ‘protect the princess’ if I can’t even move? The design is just impractical.” 

“Well, your ‘princess’ is the one who made it, so you’ll just have to deal.” Allegra stated, placing her hands on her hips as she looked him over. His outfit was truly regal. He wore a light grey dress shirt lined with gold and a pair of white dress pants that were tucked into his black boots. They even gave him a bright red cape to wear with it, along with a black and white mask. It wasn’t all that bad. Felix just liked to complain.

“Can someone tell me why a simple guard’s outfit is fancier than mine? I’m supposed to be the Prince! I can’t be out shined!” Claude huffed, crossing his arms and eyeing Felix. His costume was purely blues and whites, and though he didn’t have a cape, he was decorated in golden pins that proved his ranking. 

Allegra rolled her eyes, opening her mouth to respond when Allan cut in.

“Actually, Felix isn’t just a normal guard. He’s a royal attendant, meaning he’s a special guard that specifically guards one person, In this case, that person is the princess.” He informed absently, looking over his clipboard to make sure they had everything in place. 

A smug grin crossed Claude’s lips.

“Oh? I was wondering why Felix wasn’t the prince. I’m sure you’d love to stay by her side and protect her for the rest of your life, wouldn’t you?” 

Felix threw him a glare, refraining from lunging at the boy simply because Allegra was still tugging at his outfit.

“Are you quite finished?” He snipped, glancing back at her.

“Yeah, yeah, calm down..okay, I’m done.” 

Felix breathed a sigh of relief, stepping off the platform. He didn’t think Allegra could be pickier than Marinette when it came to clothing. Where was that girl anyway? Perhaps she was getting changed somewhere else?

“Alright, positions!” Allan suddenly yelled, quickly running backstage right after.

Claude slid up next to Felix, lightly nudging him in the side.

“Don’t worry. I won’t woo Marinette too much.” He winked, ducking through the red curtain and onto the stage before Felix could throttle him. 

Felix pulled open the curtain with a scowl, but stopped short when he saw what was on the stage. 

Or rather, who was on the stage.

“Wow, Nette, you went all out!” Claude praised, patting a flustered Marinette on the shoulder.

“Y-you really think it’s okay? I feel like it’s a little.. much.. on me.” She admitted, reaching up to play with her hair only to remember she’d put it up in a bun for the costume.

“Okay? It looks awesome! Right, Fe?” 

Felix sucked in a breath when the two abruptly acknowledged him. Marinette whirled around, Her bluebell eyes finding his. 

“Oh, I-I didn’t see you there.. What..do you think of the dress?” She asked, uncertainty lacing her tone. She was wearing a fuchsia colored gown that seemed to have endless layers around the skirt. Golden swirls lined the bottom of the skirt, emphasizing the golden earrings dangling from her ears and the golden locket around her neck. The front of her sleeves stopped just above her elbows, but the back of her sleeves trailed down to her forearm. 

Felix swallowed, trying to form an answer instead of standing there like an idiot. He could hardly breathe, let alone talk, and he was expected to tell her how she looked more like a goddess rather than a princess?

He felt his cheeks heat up, and cursed Claude’s crap-eating grin. Oh, he would pay for this later. 

A gasp came from his right, and Allegra acted as his saving grace, running out onto the stage. “Oh, Mari, you look absolutely enchanting!”

Before she could respond, Allan came out as well, looking extremely displeased. “What part of- Oh, cool dress -What part of ‘get in positions’ don’t you guys understand??” 

Allegra pulled a pout, but retreated to the backstage again. Allan nodded with satisfaction as she left, then dragged Felix behind the curtain as well.

-

The play began smoothly. Everyone seemed to be remembering their lines. The crew members didn’t appear to have trouble switching out props. To be honest, though, Felix barely noticed any of that. He was too busy gawking at Marinette. He still couldn’t get over how gorgeous she looked. Felix didn’t know how he even remembered his lines the few times he was up on stage. Anytime his eyes caught Marinette’s, his heart just skipped a beat and his brain went into overload.

It wasn’t until a certain scene came up that Felix actually started paying attention to the lines.

“Ah, My beautiful Princess. It’s been eternities since I’ve seen you alone.” Claude sighed, lightly taking Marinette’s hands and pulling her closer. 

“And you look so stunning under the moonlight. I wonder how it will feel when I finally have you all to myself.” He continued, brushing her bangs to the side. 

Felix rolled his eyes towards Claude’s antics. He was always so over dramatic.

“Be patient, my love. My attendant will accept you soon enough.” She said softly, perfectly in character. He couldn’t help the irritation pricking at his mind towards Marinette calling Claude “her love”, though.

Claude smirked, gently cupping her cheek. “I don’t doubt it.. But, if you would, perhaps I could have a sneak peek?” 

Felix straightened. That wasn’t supposed to be his next line.

“W-what?” Marinette stuttered, obviously caught off guard as well. She then cleared her throat. “Uh- but what if- won’t my attendant see us?” 

“I understand your concern. All I ask, is a simple kiss.” Claude requested, his smile widening.

Felix gripped the part of the curtain closest to him, glaring daggers at the brunette. He certainly didn’t miss the brief, yet mischievous glance Claude gave him. 

Marinette blushed and Felix growled. 

“I- well- uhm- I-I suppose.. If it just a kiss..” She faltered, hands coming down to fiddle with her dress since her hair was up.

Felix didn’t even think about what he was doing. The next thing he knows, he’s on stage, pulling Marinette away from Claude. 

“What doth you think you’re doing?” He seethed. No. There was no way he would let Claude get anywhere near Marinette with those kinds of intentions.

Claude dramatically gasped, feigning surprise. “Ah, my good sir, I can explain-”

“There’s nothing to explain.” Felix cut him off, standing in front of Marinette and pulling out his sword. It was fake, but he needed something to smack Claude over the head with.

The ‘Prince’ drew out his sword as well. “I merely asked for her affections, and she said yes! You would betray your Princess’ wishes?” 

Felix scoffed, thrusting his sword towards Claude. “The only betrayal I’ve committed is not protecting my Princess as much as I should have. Clearly, if I had done my duty, she wouldn’t be anywhere near you.” 

Claude dodged the attack, moving to strike him back. Felix blocked it and quickly spun Claude’s sword around. The sword went flying into the audience, but Claude seemed completely alright with Felix winning.

“I am sorry, your majesty. I promise to protect you better in the future, and give you the man you deserve.” Felix apologized, taking Marinette’s hand and bowing deeply in front of her.

She nodded solemnly, a hidden mirth in her eyes. “Oh? And who might you have in mind?” 

Felix smirked, bringing her knuckles to his lips in a gentle kiss. “I assure you He’s much closer than you think.” 

[facepalming-since-chernobyl]

Oh, so Jolly

For @chrisifornia for the  Karamel Christmas fic challenge. Big thanks for meine liebe @zrnas who beta-ed it.

Merry/happy Chrismtas/holidays, assholes! <3 

(You can also find it on AO3 -> xxx)

*

Kara Danvers Sometimes Zor-El was a simple girl with simple needs, which is why she was going to kiss (and maybe, probably, most definitely do much more to) that jackass Daxamite at the Christmas party, even if it meant traumatizing all the guests for the rest of their lives.

Kara Danvers Sometimes Zor-El neatened her super sexy, clinging to her like a second skin, red dress, while standing in front of the door to her loft.

She took a glance at the big-ass mistletoe hanging just above her and nodded, satisfied. 

It was impossible to enter her loft and miss it. If someone walked under it, he - yes, he, because she had a specific guy in mind while hanging the mistletoe - had to kiss the person who opened the door. And that person was going to be Kara.

And the “he” was a piece of a well-shaped Daxamite ass that came back from the future two weeks ago, with Winn on his heels.

Yes, two whole, long frustrating weeks passed and he didn’t do a thing. He just informed them Brainiac was defeated, kicked Brainy back to the future to “talk to his fucking race and fix their problems, because no one else has enough patience to do it” and happily said that he was no longer a married guy. 

He got his bartender job back, started to help DEO and Supergirl as Valor, and everything was just like it was before.

Well, not everything.

As much as Kara was thrilled to see him happy, beardless, handsome and friendly, it was not enough for her.

Why? Because it was years, rao-damned YEARS, since she last had sex or any intimate activity with something other than her fingers or her vivid fantasies, and she was missing intimacy with a real lover as crazy. 

The worst thing was, her sexual frustration was visible and known to all, because even Brainiac noticed and asked if he should have made her an nth metal vibrator or some sex robot, to “improve her mental state and increase her general hero effectiveness that had dropped for 9,45345% since her celibacy started”. 

He said this in the middle of DEO, in front of 10 agents, Alex and J’onn. Yep, Alex was not going to forget that and will probably mention it at every family/friends gathering for the next 60 years.

But yes, Kara the prudish American slash Kryptonian girl liked sex and enjoyed it greatly.

And we all knew who was responsible for awakening her sex-loving side.

Too bad she sent his ass to the future. And then he came back. With a wife. And then left again. With his beautiful, nice, kind, amazing wife.

But hey! Her prayers were heard for once, and the only one who could make her satisfied returned (without a wife) and… acted like a friend.

A friend.

Maybe he thought she needed time? If that was the reason, he was an idiot because she has had enough time. A few fucking years… wait, there was no “fucking” there, ha, ha, ha… 

Ugh. 

Maybe he was the one who needed time? Possibly, but two weeks should have been enough for a Daxamite, right?

So, Kara created a deliciously simple plan to lure him into her lair by asking for help with preparing her Christmas party and cooking some food. 

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 0:1

She was going to suggest the hot stuff in a super civilized way, perfect for politepeople like her, by simply grabbing his shirt, throwing him at the door and kissing him senselessly. And then throwing him at her bed and having some fun before the whole (non-important) party. 

Kara checked her watch (her dress made a cracking noise, like it was ready to tear in some strategic places) and frowned a little. He was 7 minutes and 45 seconds late.

Suddenly, her balcony window was opened with a bang.

“Sorry for being late but Winn had called just before I left and asked me to bring his board for the charades.”

Kara slowly turned and looked with wide eyes at the Daxamite who was putting the incredibly big board down. He had also a backpack and three bags full of food, ruffled hair, a one day shade, and was wearing a leather jacket.

Basically, he looked like a snack.

A snack that was not going to be consumed by her, because her freaking nerdy, so called best, friend hijacked her masterfully laid plan. 

She was going to murder Winn Schott.

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 1:1

“Something wrong?” Mon-El asked with raised brows, taking the ingredients from the bags and putting them on her kitchen table.

“No.” She cursed in her head when he took a glance at the traitorous place between her brows, but thankfully it was covered by her bangs. “I’m just happy you are finally here.” Kara smiled genuinely.

Mon-El smiled back and, yes!, he finally really looked at her. Screw the mistletoe, there were other ways to make the guy lose his mind and kiss the girl!

“You like it?” she twirled, showing of her dress, that as you already know, clung to her like a second skin, showing off her goddess-like Kryptonian body.

“This dress is a killer,” he admitted without a second of hesitation and Kara started to smile wider. 

Ha! No way he was going to resist her now! No way-

“But are you sure it’s a good idea to wear it while cooking?” he asked and her smile, that supposed to be sultry, froze. “You may get dirty,” he said matter-of-factly and checked something on his phone.

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 2:1.

Damn. He had a point. Knowing her cooking antitalent (but hey, did he just suggest she was a klutz...?) and the fact her squeezed breasts were going to escape her dress if she bent (hmm, maybe it was not a bad idea to bend in front of him...?), she should have changed it.

On the other hand, no Daxamite, no matter how handsome and lovely, was going to tell her what to do.

“I think I’ll manage.” She smiled and threw him an apron.

Five minutes later, somehow, just before Kara bent in front of him, she’d managed to shower herself with a pound of flour. 

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 3:1.

She had a super quick shower and exchanged her sexy dress for a little less sexy dress that was not so tight.

Kara, trying to do something with her wet hair to not look like a drowned rat, and washing away her ruined make-up, told herself that now everything was going to be fine.

It was not.

Unfortunately, Mon-El looked like her Mon-El again (not like that bearded version that was very hot but, well, belonged to, ughhhhh, Imra) and behaved like her Mon-El.

That meant that he focused on cooking like it was the most important thing in the entire universe. And even a Kryptonian almost clinging to his back, breathing sensually down his neck and hovering over his shoulder didn’t change that.

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 4:1

“Can you get me some cinnamon, please?” he asked while peeling some apples.

“Sure,” Kara sighed and opened a cupboard, when another plan appeared in her brain.

“Oh, no! I totally forgot I ran out of it,” she shut the door to the cupboard where an unopened package of cinnamon was innocently lying. “Can you fly to the shop and buy it? I’ll finish peeling the apples.” She smiled sweetly, and when she smiled like that, he just had to do what she asked.

When he flew away, she superspeeded peeling the apples, not caring that she peeled more flesh than skin, and rehung the mistletoe near her balcony doors.

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 4:2

And then waited. 

And waited.

And waited.

15 minutes later she was sighing angrily and cursing the Christmas queues in the shops.

30 minutes later she started to create unpleasant theories in her reporter head. 

Like, he was checking his phone a lot and writing messages. And… right after their heroing jobs he would quickly return home. She was getting a nasty feeling that maybe…  he had someone? And flew to check on that person? 

Naaaah, it was impossible to find someone in two weeks, right?

Even when he was dashing, sweet, cheerful, charming and had an amazing ass.

Right...?

42 minutes later she was sure he had someone and just didn’t tell her to avoid hurting her feelings, and that was why he was avoiding her and-

The front door opened and Mon-El entered her loft again.

“Sorry, I met your neighbour, old Miss Kowalski in the shop, and helped her carry 5 bags full of cat food. Five bags, can you imagine? And we had a talk about cats and... ” he finally stopped babbling and looked at Kara who was still standing near the balcony door with an… unusual but very interesting look on her face he could not really read. 

“Uhm, is something wrong?” Mon-El asked slowly.

Kara, who was in the middle of internal existential crisis and on the verge of bursting into a hysterical laugh, made a face.

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 5:2.

“No, just you know… cats,” she said flatly. 

She was going to make hot dogs from the damned mouse eaters. 

Mon-El who was currently frowning at the massacred apples and was ready to put cinnamon into them froze hearing her tone.

“You don’t like cats?” he asked slowly and took a glance at her. And then blinked, because wasn’t the mistletoe hanging in a different place before...?

“I absolutely adore them,” Kara smiled like a predator. “What’s next on the cooking list? Pudding? Awe and some.”

Humming, she approached the kitchen table and started preparing ingredients, totally missing the weird glances Mon-El was giving her.

Together, while preparing food, they managed to fall into an easy conversation about their friends, their jobs, heroing, Gameof Thrones and other not important things, they talked about everything but them. And it was okay for Kara, because thanks to that she managed to stay clean and didn’t cause any cooking disasters.

While pre paring the last snack, walnut macarons with salted caramel, they worked hand to hand, brushing their shoulders from time to time, smiling, feeling easy and incredibly happy, like during the old times when they started their relationship and everything was super easy.

And then she tasted the caramel cream, and of course she smeared some of it on her cheek.

Like it was the most natural thing to do, he simply brushed it and licked it off from his thumb.

Just like that her heart almost jumped out of her chest. 

Finally!

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 5:3!

She bit her lip, closed her eyes and leaned into him…

But he didn’t notice.  

His phone had vibrated a second before. He turned around and immediately checked the message.

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 6:3.

Kara kissed the place between his shoulder blades.

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 7:3.

“Oops, sorry, I lost my balance,” she giggled nervously.

“It’s ok,” he murmured absently, focused on his phone.

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 8:3.

And then, because he decided she needed to finally learn when to take out the cookies from the oven, he ordered her to guard the macarons.

Kara didn’t complain, because they were both crouching in front of the oven, their limbs touching again and he was describing in his amazing, deep, warm, smooth baritone how the perfectly baked macarons, that could make anyone’s mouth water, looked like. 

She was just glancing at his profile and fantasizing that it was her, not the damned, stupid cookies, could make his mouth water.

“Uhm, Kara? Were you listening? Now you can take them out, exactly 7 minutes have passed.”

She was harshly brought back from a Daxamite La La Land by his voice.

“Hm? Oh, sorry, I was just-” fantasizing about us “-thinking about how easy it is to miss the perfect moment.” She took the batch out and holy crap, as much as she hated them for making Mon-El ignore her, they smelled deliciously.

“Don’t worry, you can practise on the three last batches,” he smiled, put the second one into the oven... and just in case set an alarm.

And that was how she ended up guarding the cookies while he was opening the door for her guests.

He’s been opening the door. 

While the goddamned mistletoe was hanging near the balcony.

Kara watched him like a hawk, another master plan forming in her head. All she needed was a chance.

She was so focused on him that she over baked the second batch a little. Somehow, she didn't notice the alarm was ringing. Mon-El was not amused.

But screw the macarons, so far he opened the door for Alex and Kelly, her moms, Nia, James and J’onn.

Kara screamed inside of her head, because that meant only Winn was left - her last and final chance.

(Yes, only Winn. That Luthor bitch that was probably crying her crocodile tears in her mansion and drowning her Luthor’s pain in whiskey, was not invited.)

But finally, the universe, God, Rao or Santa Claus had some mercy on her and Mon-El went to the bathroom.

Kara, totally ignoring the smug faces of her friends and family, hastily re-hang the mistletoe and came back to guard the cookies, just before Mon-El left the bathroom.

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 9:4

Thankfully, he didn’t notice the smug faces and conspiratorial whispers, because once again he was focused on his phone.

And then, finally someone knocked on the door and Mon-El approached it.

Time slowed down. The tension filled the room when everyone stopped talking and looked at his back. Kara slowly raised herself, ready to casually approach the door too and traumatise Winn and her whole family for the rest of their lives.

Unfortunately, it was really not her day.

Just before Mon-El had opened the door, the alarm rang.

 “Kara the cookies!” he yelled and opened the door. “Hey, Winn,” he greeted his friend.

Meanwhile, Kara was taking out the goddamned macarons using her superspeed, so some of them fell on the floor. When she turned around she saw something she would much rather not.

Mon-El was looking confusedly at the mistletoe above his and Winn’s heads.

“I swear it wasn’t hanging here...” he said with furrowed brows.

“Aww, you could’ve just said you wanted to kiss me, pal,” Winn laughed and patted Mon-El’s shoulder.

“Oh well, we better not piss off the Christmas god, huh?” the Daxamite said and kissed Winn.

On the lips.

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: 10 to -100.

Kara dropped the batch to the floor, the cookies spread all over the floor.

 Mon-El unglued, UNGLUED!, from Winn (who didn’t look slightly ashamed).

“Noo! Our cookies!”

Kara almost heard the facepalms that all of her guests were giving themselves inside of their heads.

But she didn’t really care because Mon-El. Kissed. Winn. Not. Her.

While the Daxamite was dusting off the cookies and apologizing to them for Kara’s horrible behavior, she approached her so called best friend, whose days were numbered - to one.

When the nerd saw her face he gulped loudly, because he knew his death was going to be painful.

Kara vs Winn: Game fucking over

*

Kara sighed and put the last batch into the oven. This time she hoped she was going to take them out in a perfect moment, because everything else on that evening was a freaking disaster.

If she had only known...

“Uhm, Kara?”

“Yeah?” she poured herself a glass of punch and looked at him.

Mon-El was biting his lip, looking nervous. And a little frustrated.

Her heart skipped a beat.

“Not sure how to ask, it’s sudden and you probably won't like it-” his voice faded into such a quiet whisper that even with her superhearing, she couldn’t hear anything.

“Hey just say it,” she smiled encouragingly. “It can’t be that bad as long as it’s not baking another batch.”

“Can I bring someone to the party?”

Kara choked on her punch and spit some of it on her dress.

“What?” she managed to squeak, between coughs.

“Grife, are you ok?” Mon-El grabbed paper towels and handled them to her.

“Perfectly fine, I just choked on an orange,” she lied, blessing her bangs again. ”So, you want to bring someone?”

“Uhm, I’m sorry, I know it’s a friends and family party but I really don’t like her staying alone  at home for so long and-”

Kara stopped listening. And maybe her heart stopped beating too.

I don’t like her staying alone at home.

Mon-El (unknowingly) vs Kara: GAME OVER

“Yeah, sure,” she interrupted his blabbering, because she really didn't want to listen to it. “Bring whoever you want, if... that makes you happy.” She said with furrowed brows, pretending to clean the stains from her dress.

Mon-El’s eyes lit up and he kissed her cheek.

But it didn’t matter anymore.

“I’ll be back shortly,” he said happily and flew away.

Kara focused on her dress, straightening out the creases, fighting the tears back.

“Oh, honey,” her mothers sighed at the same time.

“I’ll just-” she left them, grabbed the first clean dress from her closet and locked herself in the bathroom.

She changed the dress, cleaned her face, fixed her hair and didn’t think.

When she came back, she didn’t give a shit they were all throwing her sad glances. She just crouched in front of the oven and waited.

And she still didn’t allow herself to think about… stuff. She was so focused on it that she missed the perfect time. She didn’t hear the alarm. She just woke up from her state, when J’onn approached her and took out the cookies.

They were burnt.

Kara wanted to cry.

But then she heard a knock on the door, so she swallowed her tears and put a mask on her face - something she was so good at it.

Bracing herself, she opened the door that revealed -

A smiling Mon-El of Daxam who was holding a pussy.

Kara blinked.

Mon-El blinked.

The pussy didn’t blink.

“Are you crying?” The smile faded from his face in a second when he noticed her slightly red eyes.

“That’s a pussy,” Kara said and blinked again.

“What?!” she heard all of her guests gasping loudly (minus J’onn’ who was sighing tiredly). They all hastily approached the door and looked over her shoulders.

“I’m pretty sure it’s called a cat,” Mon-El said slowly, looking confusedly at the crowd of people that were looking at the creature in his arms with their mouths wide open.

The cat was incredibly ugly. 

She was a big tabby, with long, ruffled fur, jaggy ears, a tail thick like a bottlebrush, some  broken whiskers, scars on her nose, a bandaged paw and a missing eye. She looked like a barbarian cat fighter who could eat a German shepherd for dinner.

“Sorry it took me so long, she hates flying so I needed to walk,” Mon-El looked at the cat lovingly and scratched its ear. 

And Kara started laughing. A little hysterically.

But when she looked at Mon-El and the cat who were watching her like she was a little crazy, she coughed awkwardly and invited them in.

A cat. A freaking cat. She was jealous of the ugliest cat in the world. Dear Rao!

“I’m sorry, I know you don’t like cats,” Mon-El entered the room, took a glimpse at the mistletoe, pecked Kara on the lips and continued talking. “But she hates staying alone and my landlady who was taking care of her was leaving for her own Christmas party and… Are you ok?”

Because Kara was standing, frozen in her tracks, red faced, absolutely speechless, with her jaw hanging, looking like a fish.

“What? Was I not supposed to kiss you? Did I confuse the customs again or-”

“No, no, it’s ok,” Winn clapped his shoulder and saved Kara from embarrassing herself more. ”She’s just jealous our kiss was better and she is going to lose in the Christmas kissing competition.”

“There is a competition?” Mon-El sat on the couch and started stroking the cat, who was staring at Kara with one big and very judging yellow eye. 

“No!” Kara finally got her voice back.

“There totally is,” Alex dragged Kelly under the mistletoe and kissed her hard. 

“And the winners get laid,” Nia giggled and pushed Winn to the kissing spot.

“Oh, and you can repeat the kiss,” Eliza said loudly, winked at her daughter and high fived Alura.

“What?! No!”

Nia and Winn were still kissing.

“Winn? Maybe we should kiss again,” Mon-El asked seriously, but there was mirth dancing in his eyes. “This time with some tongue action.”

OVER HER DEAD BODY!

“Dude, you are so right,” said Winn, who finally stopped kissing Nia, but was standing suspiciously close to her, and burst out laughing when he saw Kara’s face.

Two seconds later his and the Daxamite faces were hit by flying pillows.

That was the moment when Mon-El’s ugly cat decided to not like Kara.

She totally ignored the Kryptonian while Mon-El told how he found her one day in his apartment, casually sleeping on his bed, like it belonged to her. How she started to visit him every night, sometimes bringing dead rats (he read some article that it meant she thought he was her baby that could not take care of himself). Which basically meant she adopted him. 

One day she didn’t come, so he started to look for her and found her in an alley not far from his apartment with a wounded paw. He took her to the vet but she couldn’t walk for a few days and she absolutely hated staying alone in the apartment. So he tried to come back home early and asked his landlady to visit his pet and keep him informed by sending him messages.

When Kara tried to pat her, the cat hissed. The animal kept sitting with her back turned to the Kryptonian every time Kara was sitting near Mon-El. She didn’t take any snacks from Kara, while she ate some treats from Alura and Eliza. She even allowed J’onn to take her on his lap and sat there for awhile. But the only person who made her purr like a little tractor was Mon-El.

Kara felt jealous.

The Kryptonian felt that Mon-El’s adopted mother disapproved of her. As much as it was ridiculous, it stung a little.

But the cat finally fell asleep on the couch and the party got jolly, with a tipsy Alex singing Christmas carols and making Kelly die from laughter, Winn and Nia winning the Christmas kissing competition and the whole group having lots of fun playing charades.

When Mon-El ate the burnt macarons saying she made them and they tasted exceptional, Kara felt the day was not that bad.

And then, suspiciously smoothly, her guests left the party (Winn and Nia together) and she was left alone with Mon-El. 

“Thank you for inviting us,” he said while tucking the cat in his jacket and heading to the door. “I really missed it.”

“Me too,” she said sincerely, knowing exactly what he meant and suddenly feeling very shy.

She nervously tugged at the material of her dress.

“I really like this dress, it brings back some good memories,” he said quietly.

“Oh?” she looked at what she was wearing and gasped.

It was the flowery dress she was wearing on their first and only Thanksgiving. 

If that was not a sign from Rao to put her crap together, then she was not Supergirl.

“You didn’t respond to my flirting,” she blurted out and Mon-El blinked.

“You were… flirting?” he asked slowly, his last two active brain cells were trying hard to process the information. “When?”

“My killer dress? Me breathing suggestively down your neck? Me kissing your… ugh, back?”

Mon-El blinked. “Oh. OH. I didn’t notice,” he said sincerely and then sweated a little because Kara made a face. “That doesn’t mean you suck at flirting.”

“Suck, you say,” she said slowly.

“Maybe I should just shut up,” Mon-El laughed nervously.

“Well, we have never really flirted, things just... happened,” Kara rolled her eyes and noticed the goddamned mistletoe was still hanging just above them.

Maybe… they could… make things happen again?

“So…” Kara made a little cough. “You came back, for good?”

“For good,” he said quietly, looking at her with longing.

“You are not married anymore,” she looked into his eyes.

“No.”

“And nothing is stopping us.”

He smiled, remembering. “Nope. Nothing is stopping us.”

They stared into each others eyes, so intensely, like they were the only people in the entire universe. And then in a blink of an eye they leant to kiss…

And well, maybe nothing was stopping them, but the cat was not nothing.

“MEOW!”

The animal made an angry hiss when they almost crashed her between them.

“Oops, sorry.” Mon-El gently put her on the floor. “Where were w-”

He didn’t manage to finish when Kara grabbed his shirt and unceremoniously threw him at the door.

But he didn’t complain, because his lips were occupied by hers, while she was kissing him senseless. 

And then, like years ago, they moved and landed on the couch, only with Mon-El on the bottom this time.

“MEOW!”

They stopped kissing and slowly turned their heads.

The cat was standing near the couch, swinging her tail and watching them angrily.

“Erm, why is she pissed off?” Kara murmured.

“Why should I know?” Mon-El whispered back.

“It’s your cat!”

“Only for like 10 days! I don’t-”

He was interrupted by the sound of a flushing water and J’onn J’onzz leaving the toilet.

Kara and Mon-El froze. 

Kara with one of her hands in his pants. 

Mon-El with his left hand on her ass. 

And his right hand under her shirt on her breast. 

“She is angry because she thinks the couch belongs to her now and you occupied it,” Space Dad said matter-of-factly and put his hat on his head. “Have fun kids,” he said and left the loft.

Kara and Mon-El looked at each other. 

“That was awkward,” he said slowly.

“Super awkward,” she agreed.

“A real mood killer.”

“Yep.”

They kept staring at each other. Kara bit the inside of her cheek. Mon-El coughed a little.

“On the other hand, it can’t get more awkward, right? So maybe, we should just continue?” He said hopefully.

“Absolutely,” Kara agreed without a second of hesitation and leant to kiss his neck but:

“MEOW!”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Kara banged her forehead on his chest.

“Cat? Really?” Mon-El sighed heavily.

Kara raised her head and looked at him with squeezed, judging eyes.

“You call your cat a cat?”

“Yes? She’s a cat.”

“And her name is?”

“Uhm… Cat,” he said sheepishly.

“You named your cat Cat? That’s so wrong on so many levels, Mon.”

“Do we really need to have this conversation right now? While you still have your hand in my pants?” he asked a little annoyed.

“Well,” she moved that hand a little and smiled like a cheshire cat when he whimpered. “It seems you are still in the mood.”

Mon-El rolled his eyes. “Yes, so can we please move to the bedroo- EEK!”

He shrieked when she grabbed his shirt (yes, with the other hand still in his pants) and flew them to her bedroom.

Mon-El vs Kara: END GAME

The cat whose name was Cat rolled her one eye and jumped to the couch. 

She was cleaning her fur for a long time, while ignoring very weird noises that were coming from the other room. And then fell asleep on her couch. 

But in the middle of the night, she woke up and decided to change the location and find her dumb baby humanoid she was taking care of. 

She entered the bedroom and hopped onto the bed, wanting to curl herself on her humanoid’s chest, but the chest was occupied.

The weird female, who had smelled like she wanted to eat Cat’s humanoid earlier in the day, was lying flat on his chest. She was naked, drooling on his shoulder, smiling dumbly and looking very ugly by Cat’s standards.

Cat didn’t judge, her male humanoid was not a beauty either, like every other furless creature. But dear Bastet, their offsprings were going to be extremely ugly. 

Oh well, she was going to bring them rats anyway.

Cat looked at the female and swung her tail gently. 

She didn’t like that Kara female in the beginning, but well, she had a nice couch and her humanoid mated with her. Also, did she just purr in her sleep like a cat?

It seemed she needed to adopt another humanoid.

The animal gently climbed Kara’s naked back and curled into a ball on her waist. Then yawned and fell asleep, lulled by Kara’s purring.

[idolisnotdead]

Seiko Oomori - kitixxxgaia - Review

If you’ve read this blog before, you probably have a pretty good idea of my completely unbiased admiration for Seiko Oomori and everything she does. “Unbiased”.

So let’s just get to it. Less than a year, by about two weeks maybe to be precise, Seiko Oomori follows up her critically acclaimed major sophomore album (fourth overall) TOKYO BLACK HOLE with something even bigger, even more political, even more honest, and even more ambitious. I’m going to start off by changing my previous opinion. TOKYO BLACK HOLE is like an 8.5 now. Stay with me, here now and buckle up; we’re going for a ride, my friends.

The same week the United States got unleashed with the marvel of Drake’s More Life – a notably emotional return to form that also doesn’t shy away too far from the newer territory Toronto’s first celebratory hero has been invading �� Japan was hit with something similarly parallel. Seiko Oomori gave us her fifth album kitixxxgaia on March 15th. Just like Drizzy, Seiko has given us an equally emotional experience, that still covers her recent sounds while almost giving us a slight return to her punk roots save for the general lack of an obvious acoustic guitar in most of the mixes (though it’s worth noting that it’s still there, just buried in the mix; I’ll get to why such a jam-packed mix actually works in a minute).

It’s amazing to see that the west and the east were both delivered promising projects by two of their biggest masters of music and emotion. It’s amazing to see just how far some shitty kid from Koenji has come in just five years since her official debut PINK in 2012. It’s amazing to think that that’s six albums if you count PINK, seven if you count the mostly self-covering Pink Tokarev album of 2015, which was otherwise an off-year for everyone’s favorite singer to imitate.

The only word I can describe how kitixxxgaia sounds with is “big”. And several other adjectives. Maybe “gigantic”. Maybe “colossal”. It’s a fucking huge album, pardon my French. This is potentially Seiko’s first Ringo Sheena-level album (let’s just forget that SUNNY happened for a minute). There’s a lot of religious imagery and a heavy aesthetic. I’d highly suggest on your first listen, you watch the music videos for every song that has one. So start with the “Dogma Magma” video, then the “Hikokuminteki Hero” video, listen to “IDOL SONG” normally, then when “Gutto Kuru Summer” comes along, watch that video too. And so on.

kitixxxgaia is heavy in its use of a very specific aesthetic, which takes influence from Christianity (and a hint of Mexican-style Christianity at that), weddings, quite a bit of Dadaism, and it’s all absolutely drenched in shades of pink and lighter blues. It’s the kind of album that’s best to be experienced both by listening and watching, as I said before. There are heaps of promotional images that came along with the album and the original “holy trinity” singles that lead up to its release, and I’d suggest maybe even just looking through those around Twitter and wherever else you can find them (maybe I’ll compile what I can find and make a post later this week) while you listen to the songs that aren’t accompanied by music videos. It’s the kind of multi-media work that could induce a sensory-overload in someone with synesthesia, like myself.

Now before I even get into the music of it, I want to point out the name of the album itself. Just the name kitixxxgaia (say it in English how you want, I generally say “Kitty Gaia”), much like her lyrics, takes some wordplay. In Japanese, the word “kichigai” - short for “[anta no] ki ga chigaimasu”, though nobody would ever say it that formally - is essentially the closest the Japanese language can get to the level of offense that words like (cover your children’s eyes) “fuck” or “cunt”. It doesn’t mean the same thing, but it’s that sort of level of offense, though deeper seeing as Japan is culturally much more introverted than we are over here.

Kichigai could loosely be translated to “you’re fucking crazy, man; you’re out of your goddamn mind.” Not in like a “woah dude that’s a fucking siiiick tattoo of a wolf” kind of way, though. It’s an insult, not a term of endearment. Adding the “a” to the end, Seiko turns it into “kichigaia” (キチガイア). After a day or two, she officially changed the name to romaji, now calling it “kitixxxgaia”, censoring it (possibly for management, cultural, and radio airplay reasons, but we don’t know specifically) by making it English and with three x’s in the middle. This name, to me, holds two simultaneous meanings, again, much like her signature style of lyricism.

The “kiti” could be interpreted as “kitschy”, a word referring to style in poor taste, much like our girl Seiko’s aesthetic. The word “gaia” is the personification of our planet Earth in ancient Greek texts. So it’s a “Kitschy World”.

“kitixxxgaia” in its original meaning, “Crazy Fucking World”.

Now to the music: Seiko has never let us down with a strong opener, and this might be the most in-your-face, unexpected opener, titled “Dogma Magma”. “Come on up to the emotional stage!” she blurts out before a gong bangs in your face; the remainder of the measure in silence before another hits with a choir on top, just underneath a piano playing downward arpeggios, and below that, some intricate string work, each instrument holding its breath. After the four bar intro, we crescendo up to the main song. Enter a not-quite shibuya-kei type beat – syncopated and staccato-like drums underneath a jittery, major piano progression. Behind it all is Seiko’s voice distorted, seemingly having a conversation with God.

As the filter cuts off, Seiko enters with some of her most provoking, forward lyrics ever written: (rough translation by yours truly): "Once upon a time there was something other than [just] male and female. Once upon a time there was something other than [just] white, black, and yellow [people]. Once upon a time there was something other than [just] yes and no. These things had always always existed, but it was then instead decided that they didn’t [exist].” she sings, touching on the recently hot topics of gender, race, and consent.

She continues “When I opened my eyes I was Japanese. I’m a goddess but I’m too uncomfortable in this inconvenient body to go outside without makeup on.”, a clear reference to body positivity clashing with self-esteem issues, and likely even cultural pressure in Japanese society. “Dogma Magma” has cuts into a more punk style chorus, reminiscent of “Magic Mirror”. “What will you do during the revolution? Just one heart? Fuck you, fuck [you] all, because this is war!” There she is. That’s the Seiko we know and love.

Track three is of note because it sort of takes me back to when she used to advertise herself as an idol during the Zettai Shoujo era for extra shock value. A clever parody on idol music and culture, “IDOL SONG” could almost pass off as a generic denpa song à la Band Ja Naimon!.

“JI・MO・TO no Kao Kawaii Tomodachi” (roughly “JI・MO・TO’s Cute-Faced Friend”) is certainly one of her most out-there songs, with a catchy, sugary hook, an almost rap verse not too different from what she did with “Zettai Kanojo”. It’s light, it’s bouncy, and it’s really good. This whole album is really good. Good. Good. Good. Good. It’s good music (Cruel Winter, when? I need answers, Kanye!).

Speaking of rapping, two songs later, Seiko gives us the ultimate collab for this generation of J-pop. Much like Ringo Sheena and Utada Hikaru’s “Nijikan Dake no Vacation” (roughly “A Vacation For Just The Two Of Us”), “Chikyuu Saigo no Futari” (roughly: “The Last Two People on Earth”) opens up eerily, with a huge texture and an oozing sub bass that launches into this groovy, dark, rhythmic masterpiece. Seiko begins “Dora-chan, warmest welcome to the 21st century, where mass production has made humans more like robots. Justice is brought by violence, the death penalty is given immediately unless you’re cute.” Seiko is soon interrupted: “I’m being forced to be stupid, these frames in front of me are out of my league. Fuck you, guidance! In my head, I’m punk.” Is that voice DAOKO? You bet your ass it is, and she is spitting that truth all over this track.

God there’s so much more to cover for this album but I really don’t want to ruin too much of it by blabbing on. Up next, continuing with the album’s religious themes “Pink Methuselah” brings a familiar sound with a twist – once it kicks in, it’s very clearly Kenta Sakurai (ex. Izukoneko, current Maison Book Girl, TOKYO BLACK HOLE’s “SHINPIN” producer) behind the producer’s chair on this one, but unlike “SHINPIN” from Seiko’s previous album, it’s not just another Sakurai song. It’s very clear how much Seiko added on top of what he did, and it’s like the perfect blend of both of their signature styles.

The album also features a menacing, full-piano self-cover of °C-ute’s “Mugen Climax”, a song that Seiko wrote for the extremely popular Hello! Project group. Now, she’ll never avoid Ringo Sheena comparisons – after all, Oomori’s debut album Mahou Ga…’s artwork pays direct tribute to Sheena’s legendary 2000 album Shouso Strip’s artwork - but what hearing this self-cover (which makes °C-ute’s version almost unlistenable) makes me want is a self-cover album from Seiko once she garners enough writing credits, much like Ringo Sheena’s Utaite Myouri.

The thing here about kitixxxgaia is that the album finishes off differently depending on the version you have. There are three versions: Dogma, Karma, and Gaia. Every version comes with a second “disc” that’s a DVD/Blu Ray; Dogma comes with a live Blu Ray of ZEPP Tokyo stop of the Tokyo Black Hole Tour, Gaia comes with live audio of that same show as well as a DVD of all of the album’s music videos, and Karma comes with a live DVD of a few different shows from last year. Each version also has a key difference  to the main album – the final track is different.

As my personal recommendation, Dogma is the ideal version. Karma and Gaia finish off with new songs, but Dogma closes out with an acoustic re-recording of the Zettai Shoujo single “Kimi to Eiga” (literally: “Movie With You”). Since the closest thing we get to ‘acoustic’ on kitixxxgaia is “Mugen Climax” and “Orion Za”, this is a necessity to the album’s closure and really puts into perspective just how far Seiko has come since her humble beginnings.

The Karma song is called “Ramen no Hanashi” (literally “Ramen Conversation”) and the Gaia song is called “M”. “M” is another piano song, cutting in at just over 6 minutes. “Ramen no Hanashi” also does a similar job to “Kimi to Eiga”, being a full-acoustic track, and it’s a bonus that it’s a new song as well, so if you’re looking for a fully new experience or you’re not familiar with the Zettai Shoujo classic, maybe the Karma version is more for you. Either way, it’s a really nice way to end the album with some retrospect.

IDOL iS NOT DEAD gives kitixxxgaia a perfect 10/10. 11/10. Screw it. Whatever. It’s so goddamn good, just stop reading and go listen oh my god