#she has weak legs that cant be used for long than her legs being damaged from the start

[descendantofthesparrow]

Regarding the tags on your WIP Walter x reader story:

Does he think it'll cure her? If there is *some* pity, is he hopeful for a cure, but it doesn't work? And that causes some tension between them? I mean, she'll now be immortal, so it does fix the issue of her life expectancy. If there's tension, why? Does she think he regrets choosing her? Does he feel bad it didn't *work* if that was the goal? Some other misunderstanding between them?

If the vampires in this story don't need to breathe, that might address the asthma initially, but the rest could stay? In my story, Walter cannot cry like a human, but he has lingering feelings of his body attempting to sob which results in panicked chest spasms. Maybe she still gets lingering feelings of her asthma, but no actual attack, but it causes everyone's attention to fall to her during events with the three families, and the others comment about her, again causing angst.

Are her legs visibly damaged from birth/severe illness (look up Toulouse-Lautrec syndrome/PYCD, Miyoshi Myopathy, Blount’s disease, etc) or even from lack of use (partial atrophy)? If someone were missing a finger and became a vampire, I wouldn't assume that it would suddenly reappear, so if those diseases or similar (even unspecified) are part of her disability, it makes sense that they wouldn't be fully cured by vampirism. The intense pain might be gone, but she would still have difficulties.

A question I'm really curious about - esp with it being from her POV - is did *she* think she'd be cured? What are her feelings and expectations when Walter chooses her? The anticipation on her wedding day - not only for her husband, but for her health as well - and after she's turned what does change with her body? We all feel inadequate when we compare ourselves to others, so what thoughts are running through her mind with regards to the Klopstock and Billington brides? How do they treat her? How do the rest of the families react to Walter's choice?

all the questions you asked are spoilers so-unfortunately i wont answer so at least SOME of the fic is fresh XDXD (also me-sending you so many peek so of the fic XD)

[lrissa]

SPOILERS FOR NON MANGA READERS

trouble

summary: you never feared of levi getting hurt, until he did

warning: descriptions of violence, gore, angst

Cold, wet rain soaked through your jacket. The never ending crying from the sky leaving it’s wrath on the grassy ground below. Riding alongside Hange but with Floch’s crew you were out looking for Levi and that monkey bastard. Clinks from the horse’s hooves against the stone engraved bridge filled the silence.

Raising a hand you wiped the fresh drops of rain off your cheek and scanned the surroundings. It was odd of Levi to not return, assuming the worst you swallowed the pit in your stomach and pursued forwards.

From a distance, an echo from a bomb crossed your ears. Your head whipped to the explosion with widened eyes, although, you couldn’t see any damage from your position.

“What was that...?” Floch asks

“Maybe lighting?” Responds a cadet

Taking the reigns of your horse you turned to the sound, “That was a thunder spear.” You corrected and gazed at Hange, you could tell she was thinking of a possible explanation.

“If we head to the sound we can find something.” A cadet proposed, its horse walking beside yours and Hange’s. Hange tore their gaze from the explosion and looked between the two of you before nodding their head in agreement.

You were quick to respond and smacked the reigns, the horse beginning it’s gallop to the sound.

Before long Hange rode up beside your horse in sync, pulling their hood down a bit before sparing you a look. “Y/N, there is a possibility it could be Levi—“

Shaking your head you cut them off, “I know, I know... That’s why we need to get there.” You replied in a hushed tone, lowering your head away from them. Your care and concern for Levi never went unnoticed by Hange.

“Of course, we’ll get there.” They nodded and gave you a small grin, you returned the gesture with a tiny smile.

Not before long, the group of cadets came across a cart and two mutilated horses. The horses appeared to have suffered a sad fate. Wood planks and sharp stakes were sunk into their skin with blood and dirt coating their fur. Surrounding the site were other pieces of the broken cart and parts of legs and arms littered with pools of blood.

“Wh— What... happened here!?” Floch asked aloud

Ahead there was a titan laying on its stomach, steam oozing from its body into the air. You gripped the reigns and pulled back, halting the horse from advancing.

“Be careful! Titan ahead!”

“There’s body parts everywhere!”

That made your blood run cold, where was Levi? Was he okay? Was that his leg?

“Commander Hange! L/N! You need to stay still!” Ordered a cadet

Eyes surveying the land by the river you came across a green coat with the survey corps emblem, orders went to the wind and you smacked the reigns. Galloping over before jumping off, nearly slipping from the wet grass. “Man Down!”

You slid to your knees beside the body, bringing it to your lap for support. Gently, you placed a hand behind its head and tilted it forwards. The haircut was strikingly familiar to Levi’s, fear clutched your chest as you shakily revealed the identity.

“...Levi..?”

He had small pieces of wood stuck in his cheeks and temple. Blood and soot stained his face and streamed down his pale face. There was an obvious cut reaching from his forehead to his chin, dirt was deep into the wound, likely to be infected soon. He was in such horrible condition, your fingers shook as they rubbed across his rain-soaked cheek to collect filth.

Your other hand went to find a pulse, biting down onto your lip to stop the cry trembling on your lips. Thankfully, there was a faint pulse.

Tenderly you brought him to your chest, clutching onto him with shaky arms. Grief and relief flourished inside your chest, strangling your heart causing a constant sinking feeling.

“Levi... don’t leave me yet.” You muttered into his hair, placing a soft kiss on top of his head. Tears stung behind your eyes, desperately wanting to fall.

Soon the rest came from behind, Hange crouched down beside you and set a hand on your shoulder, rubbing it to calm you down.

“I don’t know what happened here, but... we got lucky. Our biggest threat covered in his own blood.”

Your eyes tightly shut and tightened your hold on the faint man clutched to your chest.

“I’ll send a shot through his head.” A cadet spoke, hoisting a shotgun up and cocking it.

Hange clenched their jaw and shook their head, “He’s Dead.”

“I saw something similar in a training accident. His organs are in even worse shape than how he looks. He died immediately.”

Floch stared down at the three, shifting the gun in his grip as if it was a warning.

“I know how to take a pulse. Let me see him.” He commanded

You held onto Levi tighter, no movement from your end. Floch sighed and began to walk forwards to rip him away from you.

“Floch! Somethings strange about that titan!” A cadet yelled

You looked up and at the titan, steam was being sucked into it at an alarming speed. The sky above seemed to clear as it continued to steal the steam from the air.

“Is it disappearing?! Did it die?” Floch wondered aloud

“No...” Whispered Hange “They don’t normally suck steam into themselves when they disappear.”

A laying figure began to stand, its skin was pale and almost perfect. There were no scars, cuts, or blemishes anywhere to be seen.

You saw the hint of blonde hair and let out a soft gasp, of course Zeke is alive, and completely naked.

Your eyes widened in fear and Hange looked back at you, tilting her head to the river. You nodded subtly and tightened your grip on Levi.

Hange jumped in and you shortly after with Levi. Cold water met your skin like a hard painful slap to the face. You heard loud shouts from afar but they were distant now. Floating to the surface you let out a deep breath, gasping for air and instantly looking to Levi.

A hand grabbed your arm and you gasped, head snapping to the owner.

“Hange..” You choked out, water still lingering in your lungs. They gave you a weak grin and helped you heave Levi out before grabbing your hand and lifting you from the water.

“Come on, they’re close. Find something to cover his face.” You nodded and looped your arms under Levi’s arms. Using your strength to hoist him up and into the forest, for being short he was considerably heavy.

Setting him on the ground gently your eyes glazed over his face. You felt tears re-emerge, ignoring them you took out the wood pieces stuck in his face. Planting a hand to his cheek you rubbed your thumb softly, a tear rolling down your cheek.

“I know you’re there, Levi.” Leaning down you planted a tender kiss to his forehead, slowly pulling away and undoing the coat around his neck. Instead wrapping it around his head and tying a knot to secure it.

You heard a gunshot and shot up, stumbling to the edge of the forest were Hange was. They held a rifle, lining it up at the advancing person and shooting. Hange lowered the gun and wiped something from their cheek.

“Hange,” You walked to them and planted a hand on their shoulder, giving it a squeeze of reassurance to lighten their mood. “Levi will be fine, he’s not one to die so easily.” You spoke softly, attempting to calm them and yourself.

Hange nodded, “And surely not by the monkey.”

Walking back to Levi you stood on either side of him. “Levi.. There’s no one pursuing us now.” Hange sighed.

The two of you trudge, carrying Levi between the two of you until you found an abandoned camp. Levi was laying on a white sheet as Hange worked on disinfecting and stitching the deep wound across his face. You sat on the other end of the bed, your knees brought close to your chest for comfort.

Hange was speaking but you reached out and looked under the thin sheet to find Levi’s hand, grabbing it with gentleness and holding it.

Hours passed and you were still sat beside Levi, clutching his hand while Hange was ahead assembling a broken cart.

Then suddenly, you were sitting in sand. Your eyes shot open and around you was nothing but small sand hills and behind you a bright blue almost resembling a lighting strike that stretched to the sky and broke apart like veins.

And you were back to normal just as fast, blinking you hadn’t noticed the weight lifted from your hand and Hange yelling something.

“The beast.... that piece of shit.. where is he?”

“Levi!” You spoke loudly, he lightly cringed at your vocalness, whispering a soft apology before grabbing his shoulder and easing him back down onto the sheets. “Don’t get up.”

“Zeke left to the Shiganshina district with the Yeagerists, half a day has passed.... What happened?” Hange questions

“I screwed up. I wasn’t able to... figure out that he was ready to die.. I let him, get away again.” Levi explained before shutting his eyes and resting his head on the pillow, bringing his injured hand up that was missing his pointer and middle fingers.

“I know you want revenge, but for now...” You started

“If we keep running and hiding what will that get us?” Levi retorts

Hange and you remain silent as he sighs.

“Hange, I know you’re not able to stay out of the action” Levi comments as he peels his eyes open again.

“Yeah, that’s right. I cant.”

She gets up at that and returns to the cart, grabbing the hammer and nailing in a new screw.

It was silent between you and Levi, his eyes shifted to the sky then to you. Mindlessly noting the drowsiness glazing your eyes and circles under your eyes.

“Y/N, you worry about me too much.” Levi comments. Your head turns to him in surprise, “What do you mean?” Levi sighs “It doesn’t take an idiot to notice you haven’t slept.” “Oh.”

You look away from him, shaking your head. “I wanted to be there when you woke.”

Levi tore his gaze from you and let his eyelids close. You let out a breath of air and leaned over Levi, giving him a delicate kiss on his bandaged forehead before standing.

“Get some rest Levi.”

“Come back.”

You halted in your exit and began to retrace your steps back to him, towering above him as he looked up at you expectantly.

“Lay down.” He ordered and you stared back at him, hesitantly you lowered yourself to the ground and crouched there for a moment. You were testing his boundaries, unsure if he’d yell at you to scoot away from him.

He was beginning to become impatient, grabbing your wrist and tugging you closer to him. You were shoulder to shoulder with him, releasing your wrist he let his eyes shut once again. An intense feeling bloomed in your chest, blush creeping up to your features.

“It’s cold out here and four eyes didn’t give me very comfortable sheets.”

“I see, goodnight Levi.”

lol i haven’t wrote in forever i’m sorry this was bad

also new theme sort of

[thelesbianlegacy-swtor]

OC list of the MMO LESBIAN

SarapAlexandria Duvel <3 Vette

Sith Warrior

Human, brown short hair, 1,78, D cups, she likes dressin on armor that is bulkier than a tank or in a tank top and leggings. Dark eyes and light skin

Lesbian. LOVES toys in bed

Headcannons

Has a personal Dreagnough that she uses as a colliseum. She has taken into training new sith in combat. More than her apprentices they are more of gladiators for her to fight.

Kinda crazy. Likes to bounce around and do Tons of damage. She is feroucios about defending the Empire and believes that the republic is doomed. Has archived the impossible more than a dozen times so no plan is to crazy or stupid for her. Gratefully, her wife knows what is too stupid or too crazy and so she fixes those plans so her big sith girl can go fight monsters and other people.

Married Vette. Only she can make her laught so much that she forgets she is angry. The tiny girl is so adorable and so cute and jsut so horny for Alexandria that the two of them spend 3 months on a horny induced honeymoon. Even now after the war with zakuul they keep having more honeymoons whenever they get the chance.

She wasnt all that hurt by Quinns betratal. Like, hey man fatman told you to kill me so no biggie- But from now on you are my bitch and i will bully you over all this k?

Jaesa kinda bugs her. She is Dark side but not SO crazy but still she is kinda...tiny. Alexandria likes to challenge her to crazy stuff and she always gets on trouble with her, but Jaesa is so young and sometimes weak that 

Pierce is her best freind. A total madman when it comes to battle, a blootthirsty man that will not doubt in choosing violence but also super trusthworthy and she knows he will stop her from getting killed in stupid ways

For her Broonmark is her fluffy monster! Just point release and watch blood by spilled. She makes him shower after every bottle and use proucts on his hair cause she likes how soft he gets.

She remains a free agent causing chaos everywhere. She is not quick to kill always tho. If she got a good fight with someone she will usually let them live so they can fight again.

She is the most sexually proactive girl around. She will get every pair of cute or hot tiddies on a bed along side Vette. She is a bit dom and doesnt like playing sub, but she will play passive.

Master of Shien and Juyo, she likes to go crazy with a lightsaber and destroying the place but doesnt really like dual wielding

Seraphine <3 Temple

Sith Agent. New code name: Specter

Cyborg, mostly internal components on her eye, brain and bones. 1,96M, Long hair, usually red but she likes dying it. C cups, She wishses to get more tits but she has to be stealthy. She likes using loose clothes with lots of cleavege. She isnt a fan of bras.

Lesbian Switch. Likes bondage and public stuff. She can and will play any part on roleplay. From the scared virgin to the cruel dominatrix

Headcannons

A master of hidding on plain sight. Seraphine is the kind of woman who blends everywhere. She likes attention from the spotlight just to let it go 5 minutes later. She has the talent of being so likeable that any girl that gets close to her on bed, never gets mad with her for leaving or just going for another girl. She also has a perfect memory and will remember how you like to be touch, how much you moan or what kind of cnadies you like when you are on your days. She is as soft as she is Ruthless. She has never regret killing anyone for more than an hour. Unless she kils someone she has slept with she will pull the triger no matter what. This includes civilians, wounded and allies. After Chapter 3 she left the identity of Cypher 9 and became a shadow agent for the Empire. Her new code name: Specter. 

After the War with Zakuul she was left on charge ofthe Alliance by Darth Nox. Both the Ex Imperial Wrath and the Supreme Huntress stayed behind with her. 

She doesnt like Kaliyo. No. She is no fun. She likes to hurt and doesnt look after girls. She was particulary angry at her at the start because she would try to get on the way of her time with other girls. So Seraphine got Kaliyo a cute chasity belt and allowed her to focus on chaos outside the bedroom. That way they both can get what they want. Chaos and attention.

Vector is her special little guy. Confident. Trusthworthy. But really fun to mess up with. Seraphine tells him to do weird stuff just to get a laught at weird situation. She also helps him send money for Killik Joiners. She likes that he is simple

Lokin is a weird guy for Seraphine.He could do a lot of stuff with the ragkghoul virus but she likes that he is quiet and calm. She likes trying tea with him

Ensign Temple is the only girl that has kept Seraphine attention span for more than 1 night. She likes her a lot because she cant read her as well as other people and so she makes her angry just to learn more about her. She forgot how it felt to get to know someone through time and so she likes to keep her around. She also likes Temple is super organized and loyal

Seraphine can never choose fast between either a big rifle or a tiny blade under her dress. She likes how chaos erupts after a person gets shots down but she also likes to be close when her target takes their last breath

FUCK SCORPIO UwU

Arthemys Delos <3 Mako

Huntress

Built like a tank, She likes lifting Mako to train her big guns. She is a cyborg with lots of internal components and a cybernetic leg (left) She isnt the tallest girl, she is 169 (nice) but she has the biggest tiddies. She carries two E cups that she loves to put on Mako’s face. She has black short hair

Lesbian 

Total top but wont say no to being topped every know and then

Headcannons

Money,gambling, explosions and pretty girls, Arthemis cares for little more than that. As long as she can fire guns, gamble money and have a bed with a pretty girl on it she will do an job. She loves hunting animals and will almost never reject a bounty. What she wont do, is just say yes to any quest or mission. She can get money as easy as she can waste it and so throwin credits at her doesnt work. Only if the work isnt something she dislikes or too easy or boring she will do it. She has a few internal implants after playing with grenades when she was young.

Mako is hers. Hers alone. She wont let her go beyon her sight and will actually get restless for being away from her too long. Arthemis is possesive which Mako kinda likes.

The two of them likes being on top of eachother as much as possible but a extra pair of hands or tiddies make them both pretty happy. Most of the time, is actually Mako who gets the girl.

Gault is jsut too fun not to keep around. Arthemis wouldnt call him his best friend becuase she suspects the guys can be bought but he is fun either way. She like getting a lot of money with him and then wasting it all or just not taking the pay,just to mess up with him.

Torian is fun. Sometimes. He is a mandalorian and she likes fighting strong people. But Torian is a bit more serious that she would like. She doesnt like people dying because then she cant fight them again and so she doesnt like some decisions of the mandalorian. But at the end of the day the trust that the two share is one of a brotherhood.

Blizz. God Damm Blizz. When Arthemis got Mako on her bed and then into her family she thought she coulnt be happier. She was wrong. The little jawa makes everything better. As chaotic as her and even weirder than Gault, Arthemis just cant stop keeping the jawa around

YOU READ MY COMMENT ABOUT SCORPIO? WELL THAT X2

Selendis likes using two big guns to shot down her enemies. She doesnt really enjoy going around in huge armor so she keeps herself kinda light. But her armor is still a bit big. Why you ask? Cause she loves the feeling of having not only a flamethrower but also grenades, missiles, hooks and electric weapons all stuffed in her body. 

Selendis <3 Lana and Senya

Sith Inquisitor

Sith girl with piercing orange eus and long amazing black hair. She is 182 and as sith that focus on range combat, she took the luxury of enhancing her breasts to a nice DD cups. She doesnt like jewelry but she has a few tattoos. 

Sorcerer

Lesbian. The one to dom them all.

No amount of girls is too much when it comes to Selendys

A proud, stylish and master manipulator Selendis believes that the empire can be improved but even in its current state is better than the republic. She is patient and ruthless and wont stop until the galaxy is back on order. She left the alliance and took overthe sith empire after letting Acina step down. Seriously, no killing her just “Try and stop me from getting the throne”

Khem Val is her personal monster. A warrior of another time which she swears wont ever be forgotten. She has taken into redacting whatever information the dashade gives her. She has task him ith protecting everyone she deems worthy of her interest

Andronikos is a fun and interesting man. He is a pirate with experience and a code. Hard things to find. Selendis enjoys him being slipery and smartass. She also enjoys the acces to the underworld the man provides. Over all she likes that the betrayed man has once more put his trust on someone. She wont abuse it but she prides herself of it

Ashara. The little puppy. She has learn about the dark side and the sith and yet she keeps herself on a reaching point from the jedi order. Still she has a point of view that is useful and welcome. She has teached her everything useful that she could learnt.

Talos. Oh Talos. A men of science and interest. Selendis has swear to protect the smart man just so he can see for once history being made instead of being discovered. Most of the time she has free, she will spent researching stuff with Talos and discussing history

Xalek. Selendis attack dog. A simple desire of the young Kaleesh allowed Selendis to craft a magnificent Student. Xalek belived that she was a god. And so Selendis tasked Xalek to forget about being a kaleesh god, and instead become a sith god. Strength, power, and victory.

Lana Beniko. From the first time Selendis met Lana she was intrigue. A sith that kept her rage and hate deep withing her, so she could serve the empire better. Selendis wasted no time in seducing the sith and keeping her under her control. But soon Selendis lost control and ended up loving her. Lana became her source of power. She would burn the galaxy for her. She also fancid her cute ass and the way she lost control.

Senya Tirall. Selendis doesnt do well with betrayal. And so after defeating Arcann, she was left quite angry when Senya saved him. So, after the war with Zakuul, Selendis threw Senya into a prison and slowly made her crumble. Telling her that both Arcann and Vaylin were death, Offering herself as the only ally, and then leaving her alone. Selendis broke Senya and put her back together in a way that she would enjoy. Despite being more of a pet than a lover, Selendis does love her in her wn special way, and wont let her be hurt.

REPUBLIC OCS

Cassandra (Cassie) Jedi Knight <3 kIRA She tiny! She is 165, amber eyes,C cups she likes to hide on a sport bra and to fight, she has a few scars over her back and shoulder (horny origin) She specialies on Djem So but likes using two lightsbaers instead of one Lesbian Total Bottom girl. Tsundere (will be all agressive but you pet her once and she will melt on your arms)

T7-01 The crimemaster, Teseven will always be there to push Cassie towards any female individual just so Cassie can stop winning about not having a girlfriend. Each time it works, but Cassie ends up lossing the contact or getting pulled out from plannet by the council

Kira. Or like Cassie likes to call her, babe! Cassie was sweap of her feat by how chaotic her padawan was an how incredible persistent she was on taking baths together, giving eachother massages and just being close. Cassie lasted 2.6 seconds the first time she gave her a kiss and fron that day on, she is either fighting or on her girlfriend’s arms. Kira likes to tease Cassie and on nights she makes sure to give her all of her love

Doc. The best partner. Doc is always there for Cassie, wherever she is doing good or bad. Or doing ilegal or legal stuff. He knows Cassie will jump towards danger and he will be there to help her make the galaxy a better place Rusk. There are few things that Rusk hates more than the empire and one of them is how Cassie jumps on top of his back because she is to tiny to get food by herself. Even then, he will die for his little sister becuase he knows she will defeat the empire some day

Scourge. The big old sith might have forgotten what means love, pain or feelings, but he respects Cassie. He knows that despite her size the little jedi is more than capable of busting whatever walls appear on her way, even if it means tapping on the dark side. 

Bella Jedi consular <3 NADIA

She is a curvy girl. D cps on a tallish girl, 178, with a dump track ass. She is thick and she is SHY about it. She likes baggy clothes so her body doesnt show too much. She feels that healing people with her skills is the best call for her but she also agrees that sometimes throwin a massive bould to minnies is good

Qyzen.  Qyzen and Bella are good frends. Mostly, because Qyzen will gladly shoot anyone who calls Bella on her fat ass, and Bella will drop a boulder on anyone who calls him green skin or lizard. The two of them are the type of people who fixate on stuff and they enjoy their hobbies

Tharan. To be honest. Bella didnt think it thorugh when she got Tharan to come with. She was doing it mosly out of pity and because she needed some help. But mostly she just liked Holiday and would be more interested on keeping her rather than him. 

Zenith. Oh dear Zenith. Bella enjoys Zenith attiude. There is little more than that. She isnt as extremist as he is, but she knows that he will do everything on his power to defeat the empire and protect the inocent

Iresso. Oh Ireso is fun. Bella likes to bully him in little wyas. Sometimes she will just pick something ilegal to do to get on his nerves. Thats alls. Well he is all good and good for fights but Bella likes how correct he is and that she can make him mad

Nadia: Her love. Her mistress. Her everything. Everyone has thirsted for her body, and so Bella usually isnt ready to believe most words of love and affection, but Nadia persisted for months, being almost addicted to her body. And so one day Bella let her padawan into her bedroom and cried over her love. Nadia is the type of girl who will devote her heart and soul to her love. She CANT keep her hands off Bella’s body tho, which makes it hard for her to keep clean underwear around

NEW OCS FROM THE NOT PC OCS GAME. 

PRESENTING. THE ARTIST

Sarah Novadust

The lead singer and dancer of the Imperial Idol group “Royal Novas” 

A tallish girl (175cm) a bit petite looking but upclose you notice she has a good pair of thighs and some nice ass. She has GOLDEN hair. Not blonde. Golden. She keeps it on a long ponytail that reaches all the way back to her ass. She is a human girl of 22 years old with Purple eyes due to some alien grandparents

She leads the Royal Nova an Idol Group originated on the Empire. The group is formed by her, 3 back up singers, 5 back up dancers, 2 guitars, piano, drums, violin, and 1 trumpet. The 15 girls are all REAL close to Sarah.. More on that later

Sarah was born on Sarapin. She worked on being an artist since she was young, but when she was around 15 she was blacklisted from most musical firms on the republic over a incident with a manager that wanted to taste her body. Sarah left to spent some times with friends back on Balmorra when the empire attacked. FOr a couple of years she layed low working on some cantinas singing to earn a living. It was there when some sith lady saw her and brought her to Kaas City. Sarah would keep singing for more and more excentic public until she had the favour of enough people that she could stay safe and solo. Then after saving up for some time, she went and convinved a few sith lords and sith officers to put some credits on for a full on idol group. She invited friends and scouted for talent all over the galaxy

As an artist, Sarah likes mixing her young excitement with imperial overconfidense. She knows that playing it safe wont work and so she makes every song and perfomance into a way to improve herself more and more. With a big group of girls to help her she has managed to perform or even Dark council members and Senators from the republic. 

As a young woman, Sarah attracts a lot of people. She isnt the most strong willed person, nor she is particulary aggresive. That is excaclty the reason why each and every member of the Royal Novas is madly in love with her. Each girl looks over their leader as a little kitten to be protected. Of course, Sarah doesnt mind the attention and as long everyone plays nice, she will open her heart to the entire group. With 22 years old, a massive fallowing, more credits that she can count and a polyamourous relationship with 14 girls, Sarah's life is just the best

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #66: Anne Bonny & Mary Read

Today on Fate and Phantasms, we’re making the legendary pirate duo, Bonny and Read! (Bonny’s the tall one.) You might think making two characters fit on one sheet would be difficult. One might even call it... a wilde proposition. 

Check out the breakdown below the cut, or the build sheet over here!

Race and Background

Despite her height, Mary Read is a Human, and we’re going straight to the point with the variant rules. This gives you two points to put into stats of your choice- put it all on Dexterity. You also get an extra skill proficiency -Deception will help you talk your way into more treasure- and a feat. The Sharpshooter feat lets you ignore all but full cover on ranged attacks, and you can attack at long distance without disadvantage. The big draw is that you can subtract 5 from your attack roll to add 10 to the damage. Your rifle is bigger than you are, so it’s gotta pack a punch.

The two of you are, of course, Pirates, giving you proficiency with Athletics, Perception, Navigator’s Tools, and Water Vehicles. You’re not able to control the weather like Drake, but you’re no slouch at the wheel.

Stats

Dexterity is your highest score-your damage comes from there, your AC comes from there, your multiclassing minimum is there, it’s a good ability. Your Constitution is next-you don’t get seasick easily. Third is Charisma-you’re not that big, but everyone’s scary when they’re pointing a sword at your throat and a gun at your head. Your Wisdom isn’t bad-you need to be able to see the land before you run into it. We don’t need Intelligence and we really don’t need Strength, so they’re lowest.

Class Levels

1. Fighter 1: We’re starting with fighter instead of rogue to grab our best weapons and to get Bonny into the build as fast as possible. At first level, you get proficiency in Strength and Constitution saves, as well as two fighter skills. You’re a part of History, and you don’t play nice, so pick up Intimidation as well.

First level fighters get a Fighting Style, we spent our starting feat on Bonny, so now it’s Read’s turn. Grab Dueling to add 2 to all one-handed weapon damage rolls when you’re only wielding that weapon. You can also use your bonus action on a Second Wind, healing 1d10+your fighter level. You’re covered, so don’t worry about taking a break.

Mary’s got a Scimitar, while Anne is wielding at Heavy Crossbow. Feel free to use either one for now, your friend’s not showing up for a couple levels.

2. Fighter 2: At second level you get an Action Surge, giving you an extra action once per short rest. You’re two people, you should have two actions.

3. Fighter 3: For your subclass, we’re going with Wildemount’s premier fighter class, Echo Knight. As an echo knight, you can Manifest Echo as a bonus action. Echoes are translucent copies of yourself, but feel free to make it a little taller. You can move the echo up to 30′ on your turn without using an action, but you have to end the turn with it within 30′ of you or it gets destroyed. When you attack, you can replace your attack with the echo’s, and you can make attacks of opportunity from the echo’s space with your reaction. Also, as a bonus action you can switch places with your echo for 15′ of movement. 

Echo Knights can also Unleash Incarnation- when you take the attack action, your echo can make a free melee attack a number of times equal to your Constitution modifier per long rest. For this build, Mary Read is the character and Anne Bonny is the echo, but feel free to swap it up if you want to use this feature.

4. Fighter 4: Use your first ASI to become Resilient, rounding up your Dexterity and becoming proficient in dexterity saves.

5. Fighter 5: Now that you have an Extra Attack, the two of you can each attack once per turn without using your Action Surge. With the action surge, Read can attack three times, and Bonny once.

6. Rogue 1: We’re switching over to rogue now for some proper piracy. When you multiclass into rogue, you get proficiency in one rogue skill- Sleight of Hand is easy when you always have a partner to distract the mark.

First level rogues also get Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency bonus in Perception and Sleight of Hand. Two pairs of eyes are better than one, after all. You also learn how to make a Sneak Attack, letting you add 1d6 to a damage roll if the attack is made with a finesse or ranged weapon (look at that, both of your weapons fit), and you have advantage or another friendly creature next to the target. I’m not sure if you being next to a creature would count for Bonny’s shot RAW, but I’d count it. As one last bonus, all rogues know Thieves’ Cant, a secret language of rogues.

7. Rogue 2: You can now use a Cunning Action, hiding, disengaging, or dashing with your bonus action. You’re wearing padded leather at best- don’t push your luck with big enemies.

8. Rogue 3: At third level, you become a Swashbuckler. Your Fancy Footwork lets you prevent attacks of opportunity from creatures you’ve attacked with a melee weapon. Your Rakish Audacity adds your charisma modifier to your initiative, and you can make sneak attacks against any creature if you’re fighting them one on one in melee range. If they’re within melee range you can also just shoot them, but the additional option is nice. Speaking of, your sneak attack increases to 2d6.

9. Rogue 4: Use this ASI to max out your Dexterity for the best aim, damage, and AC you can get.

10. Rogue 5: Fifth level rogues get an Uncanny Dodge, reacting to halve an attack’s damage. Bonny only has 1 HP, but you’ve got more- protect it. Your sneak attack also become 3d6.

11. Rogue 6: Use your second round of Expertise to work with your Thieves’ Tools and Athletics for stronger sea legs.

12. Rogue 7: You and Bonny now have Evasion. When either of you make a dexterity save to half an effect’s damage, you take none of it on a success and half on a failure. Considering one of you has 1 HP, that’s a big relief.

13. Fighter 6: Use your next ASI to bump up your Wisdom for better spell saves.

14. Fighter 7: Seventh level echo knights can make Echo Avatars, spending an action to see and hear through your echo’s senses instead of your own. This lasts up to 10 minutes, and they can move up to 1,000′ away while this is active. You may act like you’re attached to the hip, but you’re technically two separate people.

15. Rogue 8: Use your next ASI to bump up your charisma for a bigger initiative boost and better panache next level.

16. Rogue 9: Ninth level swashbucklers get that Panache thing I was talking about last level, letting you spend a bonus action to make a contested persuasion check versus another creature’s insight check. If they fail and are hostile, they have disadvantage on attacking creatures that aren’t you, and can’t make attacks of opportunity against you. This lasts one minute, or until your duel is interrupted. If they’re not hostile, they’re charmed for up to a minute or until they’re harmed by your allies. Also, your sneak attack hits the highest it’s going to get at 5d6.

17. Fighter 8: Bump up your Constitution using your last ASI for a lot of health. Remember, constitution applies to health retroactively, so you’re getting an extra 17 HP here.

18. Fighter 9: Ninth level fighters are Indomitable, letting you reroll a failed save once per long rest. I’d save this for death saves, but Bonny’s dexterity saves are life or death for her, so just follow your gut.

19. Fighter 10: Tenth level echo knights can make a Shadow Martyr out of their echo. If Bonny is within 5′ of another creature getting attacked, you can use your reaction to direct the attack at her instead, once per short rest. Her AC is 20 at this point, so she’s probably a better tank than some of the squishier party members. Also it’s way cheaper to revive her.

20. Fighter 11: With our capstone level, you get another Extra Attack. Now you can attack three to six times per turn! Just remember Bonny’s gun still has the loading property, so you’ll have to do the heavy lifting here. Though if you really wanted that extra shot for whatever reason, you might be able to fire once, then make another Bonny to replace the old one and fire again with your new rifle. 

Pros: 

Being two people is really useful, especially if you use it to eke out sneak attacks you couldn’t get otherwise.

One of the echo knight’s biggest weaknesses is area of effect spells like fireball, since their echo is guaranteed to take damage. Mixing it up with a rogue’s Evasion negates that weakness, and make Bonny a much stronger echo.

Combining a Fighter’s HP with a Rogue’s damage avoidance means you’re pretty tough, with almost 200 HP, reactions to halve damage, and the ability to ignore some big spells, you can stay in the fight for a long time.

Cons:

The same can’t be said for Bonny, though. She still only has 1 HP, and eventually an attack is going to get through her AC. Fighters don’t use their Bonus Action that much, but rogues do, so rebuilding Bonny will slow you down a bit.

Also, that big bonus to Bonny’s toughness doesn’t come until level 12, or 10 if you really speed towards it. That’s at the upper end of what most games go to, so you won’t have long to enjoy it.

Ranged fighters don’t want to go into battle. Melee fighters do. You’re both. That means Bonny gets dragged along with you into the thick of things; not an ideal relationship.

Next up: Did somebody call for a white mage?

[blackrosesfanfic]

Chapter 220

Next morning

Cammie

I zip Trey's bag then stand up from the floor. Trey is still sleeping. I'm ready to go home to my babies. Trey needs to wake up right now. I was trying to wait for him to wake up but the pilot said we had on 3 options for leaving. 5, 8, or 11 in the morning. I really want to leave at 5. I stand in the floor with my hands on my hips. Suddenly Trey jumps out of his sleep looking straight at me. He frowns looking over my body.

"Why?" I giggle. "What is wrong with you?"

"You leaving me?"

I suck my teeth. "If you don't wake up I'm going to leave you in Vegas. Leave you, leave you?"

"Damn." He says grabbing his throat. "Feels a lot better."

"I'm glad, baby. Are you going to get up?"

He throws the cover off him. "I just laid down."

I drop my arms. "You have been sleeping since like 5."

"It's 4."

"Am, Tremaine. You were sleeping since 5 pm yesterday. I mean you woke up and peed."

He scratches his stomach walking into the bathroom. "5 pm."

"The jet can leave in the next hour." I complain.

"Call them then." He says in the middle of a yawn. "I'll shower and shit at home."

I grab my phone and text Buggiz telling him to go ahead with the plan for 5. We were up early this morning talking about Trey. I'm not going to push him to talk to me until we get home. After he starts acting like he cares about the things closest to him. Like the boys. He has spoken to them in a days which is nothing like him.

"This my stuff and yours?" Trey asks.

I look at him standing by the bags. "Yes."

"Let's go then." He says picking them up.

"Well okay." I say grabbing the little things that I didn't pack.

His phone being one of those things. He wasn't even care about his phone. Somebody acting like they more anxious about getting home than me. I check around the room once more then go into the living room. Trey was walking out of the front door of the suite pushing a cart. Forrest rolls off the couch. I had him up early this morning as well. Told him he could get up and get ready or find his own way to LA.

"I thought he was gonna sleep til at least 6 man." Forrest says following Trey out the door. "Where Rollie?"

"He texted me saying he going straight to LA to the beach with Chris."

Forrest turns to me. "You need help? Where your stuff?"

"Trey has it."

"Why couldn't there be two of you in the world? You are really special."

"Forrest." I snap blushing. "Thank you."

Maybe I did fix him and not the things I did medically. I leave out of the hotel suddenly getting lots of energy. My babies. I walk fast down the hall to catch up with Trey. He turns around at the elevator looking at me. Him and Buggzi were having a quiet conversation. Trey laughs as I get to him then he holds out his arms. I turn my back to him then fall into his chest. He hugs my body tight not saying nothing.

"Were you talking about me Bug?"

"Trey." Buggzi says not looking at me. "I told you to get rid of the groupie. You married her?"

I giggle. "I was never just some gtoupie. Like for real... I'm a witch. I reached into his throat when he was sleep. He likes long shit in his throat. And I ripped his heart out his chest."

Trey squeezes me. "I like long shit in my throat though?"

"Yeah like dildos and dicks." I shrug. "Forrest don't listen."

"You high?" Trey asks turning me around.

I walk backwards onto the elevator. "Off of you."

Trey sucks his teeth like he didn't care about my cheesy comment then he smiles. He knows damn well he not hard. Trey gets into the elevator like I'm not in it. I hit him on his ass. He ignores me more. I giggle then play his game. We can act mad if we want to. I give him until we get in the car. No further than that and he gonna forget. He turns around smiling at me. Oh. Didn't make it to the bottom floor. I pinch his ass.

"Jayla." He snaps then pushes me.

"Yo, man." Forrest says pushing Trey.

The elevator shakes. I gasp. "Stop playing in this thing."

They all look at me then laugh. I cross my arms. I'm not playing with these man-made elevators. When it stops I push my way pass them out of the elevator. Trey grabs my wrist. I fall back like I was extra weak and he snatched my arm. He sucks his teeth. People look in our direction for an extended amount of time. Trey stands me up. I act like he pushed me.

"Jayla, stop doing that shit." Trey says nervously.

"Doing what?" I shrug.

Trey moves away from me a little. I do some damage control and fall into him wrapping my arms around him. He catches me staring at me like I'm crazy, which I am. I let go of him then grab him again.

"Jayla."

"Tremaine." I whisper into his ear.

He looks at me. "Go stand by Buggzi. Get away from me."

"Huh?" I say loud.

"You fool." He whispers then laughs.

"Cammie." Buggzi says grabbing my arm. "Stand up and act like a lady."

I giggle then dust myself off and start walking like I'm the shit and I know I am. I look back at Trey staring at me. I stop at the door of the hotel with my arms cross waiting for it to be opened. Trey kisses my cheek then opens the door. He is a sucker.

**********************

"Hey, Auntie." I say as I take Caden out of her arms.

"Hey, Cammie." She smiles. "I was just going to wake April up so she could get his milk ready."

I touch my swollen breast. "Has he been fussy?"

"No." She smiles. "He was just wanting to cuddle."

"Thank you." I say then take him into my bedroom.

Trey was standing in the bathroom in the mirror. I lay Caden down and check his diaper. He just lies there staring at me like he wondering who I am. Maybe he wondering where I been. I kiss him but he wasn't focused on me. Trey makes a noise in the room. Like he was yawning or something. I don't know but Caden jerks his head in Trey's direction looking for him.

"Tremaine, come here." I say sitting back from Caden.

I turn Caden as Trey walks up to the bed. Caden's eyes land on Trey as he walks over. He just stares at Trey as he gets closer. Trey smiles at him then leans over a bit. As Trey gets halfway to Caden, Caden starts kicking his legs and laughing like he was so excited. Trey stands up. Caden continues to kick and play excitedly watching Trey.

"Awh. He is happy to see you, Tremaine."

I don't get an answer. I look at Trey then stand up. He turns away from the bed. His ass is crying. I suck my teeth in my head.

"Tremaine, no." I say grabbing his hips and turning him to me. "What is going on with you? Tremaine?"

He just shakes his head. Caden was babbling on the bed still excited. I turn and look at him. He was watching us and kicking his feet. Then it all goes sour really fast. Caden starts screaming like he was in pain. He hits his face in frustration. I lean over him turning his head to the side. He grabs his ear and screams some more. Maybe the little fellow is sick. Might be why he lost weight.

"Caden." I say picking him up. "Here get Daddy. Let me wipe my nipple off. Tremaine."

He takes Caden from me. Caden frowns at Trey but quiets down. Tremaine's ass stands there rocking him and fucking crying. I can't deal with them. I get my phone and text the pediatrician asking if I could bring Caden so she could check his ear for infection. I don't see how we could have missed an ear infection though.

"Okay, give him here." I say sitting on the bed.

"He sleep." Trey says bringing him up to his face. "He perfect."

I suck my teeth and get closer in disbelief. "He just going to skip a meal cause Daddy home? Okay, Stankness."

"Jayla."

"Tremaine, do you want to talk to a professional or are you going to talk to me?"

He cuddles Caden and smile. "I just don't want you to think I'm even more fucked up than I already am."

I smile. "I've never heard you talk like that Tremaine."

"I..."

"I'm not saying it's bad. It just seems more honest than it has ever been. I'm not expectingyou to be perfect. And I already see through you."

He was not taking his focus off Caden much. "I was thinking that you didn't need me. Caden and Lane didn't need me. That shit hurts like hell when he was so happy to see me. He so young. I didn't think he cared."

"I didn't think so either honestly. His whole attitude changed." I shrug.

"You can do without me." He says low.

I nod my head. "I can do without you but... It was so hard raising your son when all I really wanted was you. It's not simple. I used your rudeness as a shield. Like that wasn't real. Outside of your attitude, which you don't have all the time, you are perfect."

"Me perfect?" He says looking at me. "How the hell am I perfect?"

"Your personality. You are caring and fun. You are a great father. You make time for me no matter what. You cant help it. It's you. Even when you being a jerk you put me first. Your love is comforting. I can depend on you when it matters."

He seemed puzzled by that. "I'm far from perfect."

"So am I. So is Caden. He may even break your heart. Do you care? Will you care?"

"No." Trey smiling at him.

"Do you still feel like hurting yourself?"

He takes a deep breathe. "I never actually thought about hurting myself. More like giving up and not trying to live. Not going out and getting a gun or anything. I'm too much of a bitch for that."

"Good." I smile.

"Jayla?" Trey says staring at me.

I stand up and take Caden from Trey. "Tremaine."

Trey watches me lay Caden down. "I want to protect you from myself. I want to end our relationship before it ever gets tainted."

"First we have to make it perfect." I say grabbing his shirt and pulling him.

"I can't see us getting better. Shit always going on."

I stop walking and take his shirt off. "Tremaine."

He touches his chest covering his nipples. "Don't do this."

"Stop." I say laughing. "Maybe we not trying hard enough. You projecting your past onto me and me holding on to your past. We have to stop being scared. I trust you Tremaine. It's just hard to show it. Hard not to wonder if I am making a mistake by trusting that you want different. That you want just me."

"I don't trust myself."

I sit him on the bed. "Cause of your past? Or something you did?"

"My thoughts sometimes."

"That's a problem." I say putting my hands on my hips. "Tell me your thoughts."

He looks over my body. "My thoughts about other women?"

"Yes, what are they?"

"I mean..." he shrugs. "Just like thoughts of why not. Like ain't shit stopping me."

I lean in his face. "Well, then you masturbate then keep it moving."

He chuckles. "Masturbate to other women?"

"If it floating your fucking boat. But just remember addictions start with the little stuff. Cheating starts with you being okay with it."

"My thoughts?"

I nod. "I was more saying masturbate then leave the thought alone. Like go masturbate to something else. Not looking at every fucking pretty ass out there."

"Just say masturbate one more time." He smiles.

"And no watching porn with girls you know either. Amateur porn. With random big girls."

He smile. "Big girls?"

"Like 600 pound big booties sitting on people big girls." I say holding out my arms.

"Damn you watch porn?"

I lean over the bed pressing my body against his.

"Jayla I'm trying to talk to you and you just trying to fuck me."

"Are you complaining?" I say standing back up. I touch my chest. "Is this you rejecting me?"

He stares at me for a few seconds then shakes his head. "No."

"Okay. You have more to talk about. Before I hear it from someone else tell me what you have been up to. You not wanting to fuck me makes it worst."

"I thought you trust me."

"There is a difference between trusting you and clearly seeing that you out doing some shit you not supposed to be doing. You told me you fucked up. You not acting interested in my sex for the past 3 days. Not to mention the 5 or so days you were away from me."

He sighs. "I don't trust you."

I shrug. "Figures."

"I feel ashamed to say it now. I'm not gonna say it cause it was stupid."

"Don't change the subject to me!" I retort.

He nods. "Right I can't justify my shit."

I fold my arms. "No you can't."

"It's hard." He says looking down. He stands up trying to touch me. "I..."

"No, Tremaine. Don't touch me now. Sit your ass back over there and talk."

He doesn't. He just stands there. "I didn't fuck nobody else."

"So why you suddenly acting guilty?" I was getting more angry by the second.

Why couldn't he just fuck me and act like this conversation wasn't the elephant in the room? Like for real. Now I'm fucking pissed all over again. So it was what I was thinking. It is what I fucking feared. But my dumbass wants to say how I trust him and shit. Should have waited to say that shit.

"Because I was looking for someone to fuck. I'm sure I would have if I wasn't too high."

"Too high to fuck Tremaine?"

"I don't remember the days, Jayla." He says softly.

I shake my head. "Fucking ridiculous."

He tries to touch me again. "Jayla."

"Don't." I say moving away. "It's fucked up to hear because I just knew it already. But to hear it. To hear what I was already thinking come from your mouth."

"I didn't fuck anyone."

I smack his hand away from me. "That you know of. Is it because you don't want to be with me? Is that why you are always trying to make a way to get out. Trying to make me the blame for walking away?"

"No... I." He stops.

"Yes, pick your words carefully."

He tries once again to grab me. "Being without you is not what I want. I just don't feel like I can be..."

"A husband. My husband. I don't want you in this if you don't want to be."

"That's not what I'm saying."

I walk across the room to Caden who had started to cry. This conversation just got too fucking deep too fucking fast. I don't even want to have it anymore. I'm not having it anymore. Part of him doesn't want this. And the other part might just be doing it cause it sounds nice. To make him feel like an average person in love. Fucking Trey Songz.

[chatnoirismycinnamonroll]

LoOnly Human: Akuma!Marinette AU (part 4: finale)

So...I have literally no excuse about how long this took to write. But here it is! Part 4 of my Akumanette. You know my disclaimer, so I wont repeat it. Enjoy!

AAMDCLBCNAAMDCLBCNAAMDCLBCN

The class was silent as they watched the tiny goddess glide back to her chosen. Alya was crying silently, wanting nothing more than to rush to her friend and hug her and apologize for being such an idiot, but she knew she wasnt welcome at the moment. 'Why would I be? I'm supposed to be her best friend, but I didnt even give her the benefit of the doubt. I believed Lila without a single question, but I'm always questioning Marinette's stories and excuses. How many times have I dismissed her worries for nothing but jealousy? I wonder if she'll ever forgive me.'

Marinette kissed Tikki on the forehead as she floated back to her. "You didnt have to do that, but thank you. It means so much to me to have a true friend stand up for what's right."

"You're welcome, Marinette. And know that I will always have your side. Nobody is ever allowed to hurt you, no matter who they are."

Adrien watched the sweet scene with a slight smile on his face. He was still freaking out a little that Marinette was his Ladybug, but that could wait until they were alone. For now, they were still in the same room as the people who tried to break her, and his Chat Noir refused to relax in this kind of situation. His persona and his literal black cat. Was Plagg hissing a little? And why is he looking behind-?

Adrien whirled around, his body moving to shield Marinette without a second thought, his eyes narrowing as he faced the class, searching for the danger. His eyes moved rapidly and finally locked on what Plagg was now hissing at. His eyes widened as he took in the scene.

"Lila, what are you doing?" Adrien asked tensely.

"I wouldnt do that if I were you, snake. It's just going to lead to your end." Plagg warned, his eyes glowing slightly. Tikki nodded, her eyes glowing just as bright. Lila scoffed.

"You think I'm scared of you?! Do you think you can just talk about me like that? I am not a liar! I was just telling people what they wanted to hear! People loved me for it in all my other schools, and those who didnt were smart enough to stay out of my way."

Adrien's eyes widened as he realized her plan and what it would do.

"Everyone get out! Lila, let go of the string." Adrien stepped forward slightly, only to flinch back when she stepped in front of the door, blocking the exit.

"You just had to question everything, didnt you? You couldnt just sit back and enjoy my stories like all the other weak-minded sheep in this class. Nooooo. You had to be smart enough to tell the difference. And you, Agreste. You actually believed I would listen to your little advice? 'You dont need to lie to get people to like you. Just tell the truth!' Ha!" Lila sauntered forward, her eyes low and slit like a snake's as her hand held tight to the string. It led straight to her desk, where she had secretly set up two chemical flasks. They were set up, one upside down over the other, a metal sheet keeping the deadly mix separated. She didnt want another class to end this way, but they were leaving her with no choice.

The class moved behind Adrien and Marinette as they took their stances, their kwamis ready to transform them at the first word. With Lila covering the door, the only way out was through the windows. They werent that high up, and there was a tree near the window, so it wouldnt be too dangerous for the class to get out safely. Marinette looked at Adrien, and he nodded subtly without looking at her, knowing exactly what she was thinking, but keeping his eyes on the danger ahead. Kim silently tried to open the window, only to see it nailed shut. He tried the other windows with no luck. It seemed Lila had planned ahead.

"You are so naive! Everybody lies! You cant go anywhere without having someone lie to impress you. I was just giving everyone a little dose of reality. And now, since you two idiots just had to go and ruin my fun, I'm gonna have to make you disappear. Forever. And with you out of the way, there'll be nobody to question my statement of what happened here. 'MISPRINT ON CHEMISTRY SHEET CAUSES CLASS TO MIX THE WRONG CHEMICALS! A FATALLY EXPLOSIVE REACTION TAKES ALL BUT ONE! HERE IS HER STORY!' And as the only survivor, nobody is going to question on whether I'm telling the truth or not!" She extended her arm, ready to pull it back and start the deadly explosion....

"CATACLYSM!" "LUCKY CHARM!"

...Only to tug on nothing but a cut string as a razorblade was expertly thrown at the string. She stumbled and fell as a small hole opened beneath her, trapping her legs in the floor. The class below them screamed as a hole and a pair of legs appeared above them, having thought that the akuma had been defeated earlier.

"Great job, Stinky Socks!"

"You too, Sugar Cube. I told you I had it more under control." Plagg gloated. Tikki rolled her eyes, but gave him a high five anyway.

"You sure surprised me, but I'm happy. Now Master Fu wont worry so much about you."

"Speaking of worrying, what are we going to do with this brat?" Plagg floated down to a glaring Lila. He landed just out of her reach as she struggled to pull herself out and smirked when she failed.

"We should call the police. She almost killed us all." Alya exclaimed from behind Marinette, who jumped from having forgotten the rest of the class was there.

"Yeah, I'll get my phone-" Nino said, pulling it out of his back pocket and getting ready to unlock it when a familiar voice interrupted from the doorway.

"Theres no need for that. My daddy will make plenty sure shes never allowed in Paris again." Chloe stepped into the room with Sabrina behind her. Sabrina had her phone out, recording everything.

"Chloe! Were you recording the whole time?" Adrien asked anxiously, his eyes flashing worriedly to Marinette. Marinette was still by his side, though now she seemed less confident with the whole class tensing up at the reminder of what exactly had happened.

"Only Liar-la's little monologue. And although I'm not happy that Marinette is Ladybug, I'm not going to out your secret. And if anyone else tries to, well, let's just say that I wont need my daddy to make your life a living hell." Chloe's eyes narrowed at the class, who shrunk away from her gaze.

Marinette stepped forward, her eyes filled with gratitude and confusion. "Why are you being so nice? I thought you would have hated me, not protected me."

"Please, Dupain-cheng. I could care less about you, but you have saved my life multiple times as Ladybug, so I'm just repaying the favor by keeping your secret under wraps. And I'm not protecting you. I'm doing my duty as a heroine of Paris by ensuring its protectors' identities dont somehow get back to Hawkmoth. It's just business. Sabrina!"

"They're right outside, Chloe. My daddy is leading them in as we speak." Sabrina chirped obediently from the doorframe. Her eyes were glued to her phone, no doubt texting her father about the situation.

"Good. Meanwhile, I suggest you two transform. They'll be expecting the heroes to have purified the victim, who was escorted home by her friend, Adrien Agreste, to recover from the akumatization. Ladybug and Chat Noir were about to leave only for this girl to scream out in anger at having been called out as a liar by an akuma. Shes crazy, and when you saw what she was going to do, you used your powers to trap her. Sabrina and I were returning to the class when we heard the commotion and decided to call the police since you two were too busy trying to keep everyone safe. Nobody will question why Marinette and Adrien arent here and the police will take care of the rest."

Everybody stared slack-jawed at Chloe's plan. It was going to work perfectly. They couldn't find one flaw with the plan, and decided to go with it. This day was already stressful enough as it was. If Chloe was giving them a plausible out, they were going to take it.

The heroes transformed just before the police entered, guns drawn and pointing to Lila. "Is this her?"

"Yes, Officer. We have her on tape explaining her plan, and would like her to be removed immediately."

"Of course, Ms. Bourgeois. Chat Noir, if you could..." the officer pointed towards Lila's legs, which were still trapped in the floor.

"Gladly. Cataclysm!" The hole crumbled just enough to get her out, and the police fell on her immediately. They werent exactly gentle with her. After all, she just tried to commit mass murder.

Lila growled as she was hauled up from the floor, her arms locked behind her in handcuffs. "This isnt over."

"No, it definitely is. You're never going to win again, Lila. You're going to get all that is coming to you." Chloe warned, her eyes narrowed and a dangerous smirk speaking volumes as she moved into Lila's line of sight, effectively blocking Marinette from view. "Karma certainly is a bitch, isnt it?"

Lila screamed in anger as she was dragged away to face the consequences of her actions. The police gathered the class's statements, not asking about the akumatization and ignoring their awed yet worried looks at the heroes. You'd think they'd never seen the heroes up close before.

The police finally left, and school was let out early for Lila's threat and the akuma. Ladybug and Chat had stayed to give their statements and fix the damage they (their kwamis) had caused during the rescue. They refused to speak to their classmates, and they forlornly left them alone, worried that they would never be forgiven.

Chat and Ladybug stared at each other in the empty classroom. They had no words. They were still trying to process everything that had happened when their transformations finally fell.

Adrien and Marinette were left staring at each other, thoughts racing as familiar eyes finally placed a face to their partner. Feelings clashing and boiling within them, their eyes and bodies refused to move away from each other as they knew they had to talk it out.

Neither moved, and neither looked away. Without knowing it, they were already saying everything they needed to without a single spoken word. Eyes twinkling bright, their bodies moved on their own. Hands reached out to caress a soft cheek, to hold a slim waist, to wrap around their partner's own. Soft hands meeting calloused hands. Eyes saying everything that words couldnt.

Blue eyes full of pain and regret meeting green filled with understanding and comfort. There was the silent question if what came next. What will happen tomorrow? Could they still trust each other, even after this new revelation? Could she trust herself to keep going, knowing that either she could become vulnerable enough to fall to Hawkmoth again? Could she trust him to be by her side? Could she learn to forgive those who caused this pain within her?

But they pushed those thoughts away to enjoy each other's presence. The relief of knowing that your best friend was someone you knew, and knowing they know your good and bad sides, or at least have seen them before. To know that the love of your life had been closer than expected was such a thrill, it left both of them smiling.

They pulled the other closer, enjoying how well they fit together. And knowing they loved each other all along left them breathless. This could work. Sure, they probably had many problems that would come along. They would doubt each other, fight each other, and struggle. They were only human, after all.

But they could worry about that later. For now, they would enjoy the other, hugging and speaking to each other without saying a word, completely in sync with their feelings. There were no doubts, no ifs or buts. There was just them.

Adrien and Marinette.

Ladybug and Chat Noir.

Both skilled.

Both flawed.

Both completely Human.

The end.

AAMDCLBCNAAMDCLBCNAAMDCLBCN

Thank you very much for having waited so long for this! I know it got pretty hectic, but I hope you liked it. ^.^

@mindfulmagics @drarrylover007 @dreamteaze

[fightevilandthengetblownup]

CHAT: JoAnna Binding Series

#1 - Starting earlier than binding situation with when Jo finds out about Anna’s collar. Shared simply for the sheer fact Anna sends Jo about like a slave for the start and if I’d known that was the opening line, I’d have written it…

Anna: *Anna sends Jo a text with a long list of things she needs from the bar library closet asking her to bring it over*

Jo: *It was easy enough to find the things Anna was after, it was the sheer number which was annoying as Jo fumbles her way to Anna’s apartment. Knocking once, Jo tries the handle, heading inside when it’s unlocked* “What on earth is with all this stuff, Anna? You planning on making some magical bath for your leg or something?”

Anna: *Anna comes out of the bathroom after having a shower to work out the kinks out of her muscles from a day of failed attempts. Toweling her hair dry she points to the kitchen counter.* “You can put that there and no something else. Thanks Jo for bringing it over.”

Jo: *Setting them down, Jo turns to look at the other, frowning at the shiny metal around her neck and the lack of bruising and problems* “No problem. …Where’d you get the jewellery from, that looks really familiar?”

Anna: “Oh I thought you would have heard all about it from Grey.” *Anna raises an eyebrow, her voice a bit rough as she walks over looking through the bags and sorting them for each spell.*

Jo: “Funnily enough, you’re not exactly a topic of conversation we have any more.” *She sighs, raising her brow back at Anna as she crosses her arms and leans back against the counter* “So.. what happened?”

Anna: “Crowley, what else happens, beside Grey and Ruby. He put it on, Grey got a good laugh as he caught me walking home. Gray is pissed..by the way, thank you Jo. I don’t know what you said to him but thank you.” *Anna looks at her smiling some.“

Jo: "Ah, that’s why it.. that makes sense. And I’m sure he did, this is the exact type of thing Grey finds amusing.” *Jo shakes her head, running a hand through her hair as Anna thanks her, shrugging a shoulder* “I let the guy beat up on me and told him he wasn’t allowed to do something, nothing too hard. I cleared up the stuff he was reading into you and Grey as well though.”

Anna: “You alright?” *Anna could imagine if she caught Gray in a foul mood and tried to talk to him about her when he didn’t want too.

Jo: *Shrugging again, Jo rubs at her neck briefly before crossing her arms again* “It’s fine. I’ve had worse from him before so it’s not so bad.”

Anna: *Anna nods walking over to sit on the bed.* “Crowley’s given him a choice, he can either take it out on me or Crowley will bend him over he won’t and he isn’t.”

Jo: “You sure Crowley isn’t just trying to worm his way into joining the two of you? Because that’s a new threat I’ve only heard the both of you get delivered.” *The flash of sympathy Jo feels towards Anna and Gray gets stomped down as hard as possible - at least those for the monster of the pair - with a quick spin to look away from Anna and fiddle with some of the bowls left out*

Anna: “We aren’t exactly back together, just talking and no. I think Crowley is enjoying using me against him.” *Anna snorts softly as she shakes her head, it’s either laugh or cry at this time about the fact she’s a weakness for Gray.* “I keep hoping he gets bored with us but no luck.” *She bites her lip to stop from saying that she wishes he would go after Grey.*

Jo: *Jo sends Anna a thoughtful look before tapping her knuckles against the top of the counter* “I’m sorry if I cant really get any sympathy for him about that - you sure, but him.. not really. I don’t want that asshole getting bored and snooping about my house.”

Anna: “I know. Someone has to keep him busy while you kill him.” *Anna runs her hand through her hair and she sighs, she’s not used to stepping back from everything but it’s what she’s doing now.* “How are you doing in that?”

Jo: “Good actually. I think I have a short list of spells which might do the trick, now it’s just a case of.. finding the right one, the right changes and the right ingredients.” *She sighs again, rubbing at the back of her neck awkwardly, giving Anna a look* “Any advancements on your end?”

Anna *Anna shakes her head* “I don’t know anymore I’m just stepping back before I mess anything else up for anyone.”

Jo: “Stepping back and waiting for the horror again? Sounds…. dreadful.”

Anna “It is but hey at least I’m just a bitch now instead of a control freak bitch.” *Anna jokes weakly*

Jo: *Jo just shoots Anna a look, shiftng to move to stand nearer the bed* “So… whats all this stuff for then?”

Anna “Trying to get my new jewelry off, can’t do any damage that way to anyone but myself. So far, I’ve got a sore throat and I feel like i’ve been run over by a truck.” *Anna shrugs some as she looks at Jo scooting over and making room for her if she wants to sit.*

Jo: *Moving her weight from one foot to the other, Jo looks about and then back to Anna and the collar with a frown* “Have you got him to try and help with it? I know that Grey couldn’t get his off, even back when the two of them were joined and fighting against it.”

Anna “He tried when he saw it but hasn’t touched it since everytime anything happens it..well… Have you ever seen one of those collars a dog wears if it barks?” *Anna huffs feeling embarassed and annoyed at the same time, she still can’t stand the idea of what it represents.*

Jo: *She nods, giving the plain metal surface a curious look before sitting down* “I recognise tha tlook on your face, I’m guessing it really fucking hurts when you try? At least it doesnt shrink?”

Anna *Anna nods and then she laughs* “Don’t say that too loud and give him ideas. And Grey can kiss my ass if he thinks I’m just going to sit here and wait for Crowley to take it off. He enjoyed rubbing that fact in my face.”

Jo: “…You should be glad he hasn’t seemingly taken up any of my ideas yet, actually.” *Jo kicks her foot out against the floor, bouncing her ankle against the surface* “I’m sure he did, Anna, like I say, this is totally to his sense of humor.”

Anna “Sense of humor? It’s spite and hate, I’ve seen Gray have that same look in his face when he’s rubbing salt into a wound. Stop trying to down play it but we were good, no one touched each other.” *Anna snaps and then she looks at Jo as she realizes what Jo said.* “Wait, what are your ideas?”

Jo: “Like I said, I’m sure he did. So long as no ones touching or hurting one another, I don’t care how much steam you blow up at one another, Anna. I know you’re just as likely to find enjoyment out of his being beaten and broken down as he is his, so I’ll downplay the both of you until someone bleeds.” *Her voice is blank as she looks back at her, shrugging a shoulder* “I gave him some suggestions when he was trying to make me his babysitter.”

Anna “Is these ideas anything I should be worried about?” *Anna ignores Jo’s comments on Grey but she raises a brow at the wording, no touching and no bleeding, maybe she can do something about the monster after all.*

Jo: “..If you don’t like acid or starving to death, then yeah, I’d say so.” *Jo shrugs, picking at her jeans as she looks away from Anna with a frown*

Anna: “Sounds pleasant.” *Anna looks at Jo studying her and she tilts her head to the side.* “You seem upset, what’s wrong?”

Jo: “Definitely not pleasant. He seemed to find them enjoyable enough not to come after me with them, but I’d be on the look out if I were you.” *Anna’s question stumps her a bit, not really sure how she could explain in such a way that Anna wouldn’t see it as a free shot towards her housemate* “It’s nothing. Just my talk with your not-partner got me thinking about some stuff is all.”

Anna: *Anna raises a brow.* “What do you mean?” *She tries to keep the edge out of her voice but she can’t help it a bit because Gray just started to talk to her again.*

Jo: *Jo shoots the other a look, shrugging a shoulder again even if she wants to snap back at the tone* “Just stuff, okay? He’ll be fine”

Anna: “No offense Jo, you generally have a small list of things you think about. How to kill, how to fuck, what to drink or eat and can you do the other two while killing something.” *Anna gives Jo a look to elaborate on which of these things she’s thinking about.*

Jo: *Jo flushes, half in anger half in embarrassment, at Anna’s comment, crossing her arms and standing up* “Its not of your damn business, okay? I’ve just been thinkin’ is all and it’s not just about your guy.”

Anna: *Anna holds her hands up in defeat.* “Fine fine but you seem like you have something on your mind is all.”

Jo: “Yeah, well.. I do. But it’s fine.” *Jo scowls slightly, shooting Anna a look when she doesn’t seem like she’s about to fight it out with her about it* “It’s just.. I’m not acting like I should be but I’m not feeling weird about it. Which is weird, is all.”

Anna: “So you’re not feeling like you want to kill him, is that what you’re saying Jo?” *Anna tilts her head as Jo seems really uncomfortable right now,*

Jo: *Rubbing the back of her neck, Jo shifts her weight between her feet, looking anywhere but at Anna* “In a very dumbed down version, sort of. I want to kill him, I do, I just… don’t want to kill him all the time. He needs to be killed, don’t get me wrong, but I don’t want to every second of the day.”

Anna: *Anna snorts* “So he’s growing on you then.” *She’s trying to not smile, glad for some thing to make her laugh right now. She just never thought it would be hearing Gray is growing on Jo.*

Jo: “/No/!” *Jo practically shouts back, digging her nails into the back of her neck to stop from throwing her hands upwards, scowling at Anna’s attempt to hide her amusement. Pacing a little way aways and then back, the scowl doesn’t shift at all, even as she rolls her shoulders and continues quietly* “It’s not that.. I don’t like him, I just.. understand him a bit. And it’s not just him, I’m not working properly and it’s throwing me off.”

Anna: “He’s totally growing on you. Is that why you tried to get him to talk to me? Because if this had been reversed and I thought that you were dating a sociopath of a monster I would do everything I could to keep you from going back to him.” *Scooting back she gives Jo room to explode.*

Jo: “He’s not! He’s a sociopathic asshole with no redeeming features at all and I have no clue how or why you like him at all and he’s just..” *Jo keeps pacing, not even looking at Anna and turning redder and redder as she talks, scowling fiercely* “He’s throwing me off! Him and his brother! I’m not acting right and it’s bloody pissing me off.”

Anna: “Gray’s the psychopath, Grey is the sociopath.” *Anna offers helpfully as Jo keeps pacing. She’s not sure she’s ever seen Jo so red and she’s having a hard time keeping herself from laughing.* “How is the fact you’re starting to accept him, his fault for throwing you off and what is his brother doing to you?”

Jo: *Jo growls at Anna’s correction, shooting her a look as she keeps pacing, running a hand through her hair like it will calm her down* “Because I /can’t kill them/! I just… I can’t kill either of them, and I know I have to or might have to but I /can’t/, Anna. And it’s making everything else harder and I don’t.. I need to kill that bastard, but I can’t because you’ll get upset and I can fucking /understand/ him! Dont you get it?!”

Anna: *Anna’s eyes are growing wider as Jo explodes and she finally bursts out laughing.* “You can kill him. Just pull the trigger. And how do you understand him?”

Jo: *The second Anna laughs Jo snarls back at her, hand jerking out of her hair in a fist and hits a punch at the wall closest to her enough that a few bits of plaster shake off* “It’s not fucking funny! I’m serious!” *Glaring, she pulls her hand back, stuffing it into her jean pocket before she can punch anything again, before muttering darkly* “You don’t fucking get it.”

Anna: “There goes that deposit…” *Anna bites back her laughter as she looks at Jo’s hand to make sure she isn’t bleeding.* “Then explain it to me. Breath deep and explain how things have changed and why you can’t kill him and why you understand him.”

Jo: *Scowling, Jo pulls away from Anna, starting to pace again while opening and closing her hands at her sides* “I just get him, alright? He says stuff and does stuff and thinks stuff that I do, and I just.. It makes sense, a lot of it. Not the psychopath crap but a lot of the other stuff, and… I can’t kill him, because once again, that would mean you’d kill … and I can’t have that either so it’s just throwing me off of my game. I can’t /hunt/, Anna, it’s hard. It’s never been hard before, but now, I just..” *She slows to a very sedate walking pace, hitting her hands gently against her hips before sighing* “It’s messing me up.”

Anna: “Welcome to how I started seeing Gray. At some level he’s a lot like us but just more bloody when he gets pissed off. Trust me he keeps growing on you. And Grey, is a lot more like his brother than you want to admit and you’re having a hard time with that because if you want to kill Gray then you should want to kill Gray.” *Anna raises a brow at Jo to see if she’s close to be right.*

Jo: “I don’t /want/ him to, Anna. I want him dead, I don’t want to be thinking about this or to have that minute pause every time I go to stab or shoot something of ‘what makes this so different’. I don’t want to deal with that, I want him /gone/.” *Jo hisses back, hitting her fist hard against her hip as she looks back at Anna’s look* “And that’s not the case at all. I know what Grey’s /really/ like, not just the jackass he is around you or how nice he is around Harry, alright? He’s not hurting anybody or at least he doesn’t want to, Gray on the other hand just wants everyone to be hurt.”

Anna: “Really? Then why did you go try not once but twice to get us back together?” *Anna can’t understand some of what’s Jo going through because she could still kill Grey without hesitation.*

Jo: “I don’t know! You were upset, and he was being creepy, and I just..” *Jo hits her hip again before crossing her arms, frown firmly in place*

Anna: “Have you ever felt bad for him?” *Anna gets up going to the freezer taking out a bottle of vodka she has in it and throws it to Jo*

Jo: *Jo catches the bottle, waving it a bit to test how much was in it, almost surprised by the amount, before screwing off the top and taking a quick swig of it, starting to pace again* “…Why?”

Anna: “Just curious.” *Anna goes back to the bed, sitting cross legged as she watches Jo. She sorta feels bad for her but not totally and she’s more than a bit pleased to know that Jo can’t just flat out kill Gray now.*

Jo: “I felt bad for him putting up with your crazy moodswings, for one.” *She mutters in response, looking suspciously at Anna’s almost pleased expression*

Anna: “I feel bad for anyone putting up with me.” *Anna prompts knowing that Jo puts up with her more than she should even now.*

Jo: *Jo nods, tipping her head back for another mouthful from the bottle, not really feeling any better for it* “Yeah well, what the fuck else are we supposed to do for loved ones, right?”

Anna: “Protect them?” *Anna smiles some watching Jo take another swig.* “So have you been feeling bad for Gray?”

Jo: “…Other than that? Why should I?” *She mutters quietly, shoulders shrinking up as she frowns slightly* “I just understand him, doesn’t mean I give a crap what he goes through. I’d much rather not know anything at all and put a bullet through his frontal lobe.”

Anna: “But does knowing make it even harder to put a bullet through him? You know before he left he said to take care of myself and watch out for you as well. Whatever you did, I think he’s going through a bit of the same because I’ve never seen Gray express concern for you.” *Anna’s voice drops some as she looks at Jo, thinking about Gray.*

Jo: *Jo’d opened her mouth to speak at Anna’s question but cuts herself off when Anna continues talking, staring almost in disbelief at her* “He.. what? That’s not like him..” *She says the words but doesn’t really believe them, figuring that if she could find some kind of connection other than mutual hatred with him, then it’d probably be the same in reverse* “…It does make it harder, of course.”

Anna: “Who knows, maybe if we all live through this everything will go back to normal or you two will actually not hate each other. Maybe there’s been some good come out of Crowley after all.” *Anna smiles some at Jo.*

Jo: *The thought makes Jo shudder, taking another swig from the bottle* “It’s kind of depressing to think me and Gray are more likely to make ammends than you and his brother.”

Anna: “That is a depressing thought but who knows, things could change. I would have never thought that I would witness the budding chance of friendship between you and Gray.” *Anna chuckles some as she holds out her hand for the bottle.*

Jo: *Jo snorts at Anna, flushing out of anger for certain this time* “There will be no friendship - he’s a cold blooded murderer.” *She looks between Anna’s hand and the bottle consideringly before grumbling and handing it over, kicking her ankle against the side of the bed as she passes*

Anna: *Taking the bottle she drinks and offers it back to Jo as the liquor burns going down, not feeling the best on her throat and she coughs some* “Well, friendship is a strong word. Acceptance of each other, let’s put it that way.” *Anna teases Jo some.*

Jo: “You probably shouldn’t drink anything for a while Anna.” *Jo takes the bottle back, drinking another mouthful before capping it, setting the bottle on the kitchen counter as she stays back away from Anna again, slightly grumpy at the insinuation of potential friendship* “Again - he’s a cold blooded killer. It’s wrong, he can exist /without/ killing anyone or anything, and yet he decides not to. I can’t abide by it..”

Anna: “Why are you holding him to human standards? He’s not and it’s not fair to expect him to go outside of his nature. It would be like asking you to stop hunting and go into, I don’t know raise puppies.” *Anna challenges Jo.*

Jo: “I’m not, I’m holding him to the same standards I hold the rest of their kind: are they killing people? Are they intentionally hurting them? Do they have other options? Are they taking them? I get a yes, yes, yes and a no playing the 'Does Gray do this’ game. How 'bout you?” *Jo scowls, crossing her arms as she leans back against the counter* “They don’t /have/ to kill to survive, but he does it.”

Anna: “No he kills because he wants too. But then again he was created because Crowley did something to Grey correct so he’s unique to the rest of his kind.” *Anna counters logically.*

Jo: “Yeah, he’s.. ….He’s the part of Grey that didn’t want to stop being a monster, basically. All he does is do what he wants, no regard for anyone or anything else. He’s got no restraint or control - or rather, he has too much control and he just doesn’t care what he does with it.”

Anna: “And he’s starting to change.”

Jo: “He’s still hurting people, or he still wants to and will.” *Jo raises an eyebrow, shifting to sit attop the counter space since the table was broken and she didn’t feel like sitting in the table-less chairs or near Anna* “How come he is able to change, yet you won’t believe that Grey isn’t what you think he is?”

Anna: “Because Gray doesn’t hide what he feels or is. Grey does nothing but work to make others forget he’s a monster but he has no problem acting like one if he doesn’t value your life. Sound familier?” *Anna shifts so she’s facing where Jo has decided to finally sit.*

Jo: “He sounds like you, honestly.” *Jo looks back at Anna blankly, almost anticipating the response to that, even as she shakes her head at the, in her opinion, shallow interpretation of the monsters*

Anna: *Anna shrugs* “I’ve got a higher body count technically than you all put together if you really want to talk about killers. Maybe it’s why I can seperate it easier between the two of them.”

Jo: “Not because you wanted to though, and theres your difference.”

Anna: “Killing an innocent though is killing an innocent. Why are you holding me different than Gray?”

Jo: “Because you didn’t /want/ to. You didn’t do it because it made you happy or brought you joy - the same way Grey doesn’t. …While your guy on the other hand does it for kicks, and don’t even try to deny it - I know he does because I get the same when I kill something that I wanted to.” *Jo bites her lip as she finishes, staring at Anna even as she got quieter as she talked*

Anna: “Then why do you kill the monsters that have no choice but to eat humans. Do they want to because it’s them or the human? How is that justified? Do you feel the same sense of satisfaction or is it simply your duty as a hunter?” *Anna’s expressions have almost vanished as she sits looking straight at Jo, unblinking.*

Jo: “If they can’t control themselves and are hurting people, then it’s my duty to protect people. It upsets me to kill those that can’t help themselves - the monsters who can’t fight it and who aren’t aware or don’t know any more. If they have the ability to make a choice but decide to continue because that’s what they want?” *Jo shrugs her shoulder, feeling a little too analysed under Anna’s gaze* “Then I /want/ to kill them.”

Anna: “But you’re hurting them. What makes humans so supperior to monsters? You don’t like it when the angels considered you little better than trash but you are more than happy to do it monsters.” *Anna’s voice still remains flat as she starts to understand more of why Jo is bothered by Gray.*

Jo: “I don’t give a crap where any one is on the superiority scale - monsters, humans, angels, we’re all really the same, just different end destinations and paths on the way there. What I do give a crap about is whether something is killing a lot of things because they /want/ to and they want to hurt other’s and make them suffer. I care about that, and I know I fall into the second catergory but I’m trying to balance the lives that I save from being killed in future by something that can’t control themselves or want to murder them - with those I do kill. I’m hoping at the end of the day my good will balance out my bad, but if it doesn’t, then I get what I deserve as well.” *Jo shrugs again, tucking her arms tightly under her chest as she looks away from Anna, the stare completely unnerving*

Anna: “Death is death. We all live with the comfort and delusion that by killing that one we save this one in the future but when it comes down to it. We are all killers.” *Anna speaks softer now as she watches Jo still, her expression softening as well.* “Gray enjoys killing and so do you but you seem angry at Gray because he doesn’t try and justify it like you do and he doesn’t feel guilt over it.”

Jo: *Jo nods at Anna’s first comments, knowing that it’s a little childish to have that opinion but still feeling more comfortable with that theory to life. Her head jerks back around to Anna’s face at her observation about Gray, reaching a hand up to rub at the back of her neck* “..Maybe? He doesn’t care that he doesn’t have to, he’s got no reason other than his own enjoyment and he doesn’t even show any of his victims any /respect/. That’s… that’s wrong on so many levels. I’ve seen those bodies, I’ve spoken and seen some of them while they were alive.. …Ive killed them myself. And they’re just.. it’s /wrong/ how he treats them and how he acts, Anna, it’s pointlessly cruel and horrible and he just does it because its fun. Doesn’t even give them a grave or make it so the family can learn..”

Anna: “Do you notify the next of kin of the monsters you kill that have no choice? Do you leave them a grave other than a pile of ash in the middle of no where? Have you ever taken pleasure in prolonging the death of something or torturing it simply because it’s not the same species as you?”

Jo: “..Werewolves and skinwalkers. Rugaru’s I track the families. The rest it gets a little harder to identify and do anything for them, most of the time the families are dead already.” *Jo chews on her lip as she ducks her head, feeling a little ashamed of herself for admitting to even following further than her cases need to, like Anna was like the hunters from the Roadhouse who expect her to be tough* “Burning is the simplest, but even that’s the same as a grave given it’s a cremation. Gray just leaves the mangled remains where ever he’s finished with them. …And you know torture isn’t exactly my favourite thing in the world. Or something I take part in often, Anna.”

Anna: “I believe Gray would disagree with you on the torture Jo.” *Anna breathes in and she pushes her fist question more. “Those are the ones that have human families but what about those like the kitsune and djinn? They have family, structure, loved ones, do you notifiy those families or simply track them to kill them?”

Jo: “Gray is a special circumstance.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder as she says it, looking back at Anna curiously* “I don’t know, I haven’t crossed paths with a kitsune before or anything that I know have actual family structures.”

Anna: “Maybe it’s because while I want to be human to feel things and I admire all that I have seen from you since you first crawled out of the ocean that I favor you and I want to stop you from being wiped out but it doesn’t mean I put you as a species above others. It’s no longer balanced, no matter how many people monsters kill, it won’t ever hurt you as a race and perhaps it’s just their time to go. I don’t hold you and higher than I do Gray. When I put Grey down for being a monster, it’s because angels are above him and humans, equally.” *Anna leans back giving a small shrug as she looks away from Jo finally and towards the bottle of vodka*

Jo: *Jo nods her head, fisting her hands into her coat pockets* “Yeah, I know Anna. Though I’d think there were both humans and monsters who might disagree about that, but I get it. I know I favor my own kind, but I try to get rid of or have bad humans taken care of as much as I can without getting myself a one way ticket straight downstairs - and if I knew a monster who wasn’t hurting other’s needed my help, I wouldn’t say no if I could help them. It’s.. it’s hard to say though, given I’ve only met a few monster’s who try to control themselves and avoid killing and hurting people.”

Anna: “I just think you need to stop holding Gray and yourself to higher standards. He’s who he is and so are you.” *She smiles some at Jo as she stands walking over and getting the bottle, taking a drink, trying to shake the feeling she has right now.*

Jo: “He’s who he is, and who he is is against everything I stand for..” *Jo mutters in return, twisting her hands as she looks down awkwardly*

Anna: *Anna chuckles as she takes another drink before handing Jo the bottle.* “Yet you can understand him.”

Jo: “Let it never be said that my life isn’t complicated.” *She takes the bottle herself, sipping another mouthful and relaxes her shoulders a little*

Anna: *Anna nods feeling hte collar and she starts sorting herbs again, her skin crawling. She feels like an angel right now talking to Jo about this and now she feels like the collar is choking her.* “All of our lives are complicated. Angels, monsters, humans all living together and being friends.”

Jo: *Jo looks at her out of the corner of her eye as she scratches and presses at her collar, mouth tugging up on one side as she watches* “Or hating one another, depending.”

Anna: “If history repeats like they say it does then you and Gray are going to be best friends by how we started out at each other’s throats.” *Anna teases as she prepares the ones that need ground in a mortar and pestle*

Jo: “In contrast to the potential for you and Grey to start knocking boots if history really does repeat itself. …Not sure if I like either of those ideas, myself.” *Jo teases back, taking another mouthful of vodka and glad to finally feel a little less stressed or aggressive from it as she watched Anna* “…What are you doing?”

Anna: “Working on new spells and I promis to not knock boots with Grey if you don’t with Gray.” *Anna smirks a bit as she stops for another pull on the vodka, clearing her throat some.* “What’s the worse this collar does, kill me?”

Jo: “That’s a bit of a hard promise to make. Should probably get him to agree to it as well just in case.” *Jo half jokes, leaning around to look t what Anna was mixing* “Well.. I’d say yeah, killing. Or make you completely paraplegic maybe.”

Anna: “Well, then I couldn’t feel it when Crowley decides that he finally wants a piece of me. Might be a blessing.” *Anna jokes weakly as she adds more herbs and begins to grind them.* “Won’t have to worry about having just lame foot then either.”

Jo: *Jo swallows dryly looking at the other as she’s focussed on the herbs and grinding, folding her own arms and shifting a little away* “Just try not to blow yourself up while I’m in the splash zone..”

Anna: “You watch to many horror movies. My head isn’t going to explode.” *Anna takes a knife, running it over the inside of her arm, next to the other cuts and she lets the blood mix with the herbs. Human blood she muses, if she had any grace left her blood shouldn’t work but it does.*

Jo: “You can blame that on Grey these days; never know with Crowley though, do you Anna?” *Jo watches on in interest from as far away as possible*

Anna: “Is he taking refresher courses for how to be a monster?” *Anna takes a cheap shot as she draws the marks on the collar in blood and then lights a match, taking a breath as she throws it into the bowl, speaking in Enochian only to have her words choked off as the collar activates*

Jo: *Jo was meaning to reply to the crack when Anna seizes, not sure what’s going on at all and leaping off the counter to grab her as she starts falling backwards* “Anna? Anna are you okay?”

Anna: *Breathing hard she just nods, not able to speak yet. Maybe doing the rests of the tests on the bed would be smarter as Jo doesn’t let her hit the floor. If she had thought of that earlier she probably would have a few less bruises*

Jo: *She tightens an arm around Anna’s waist before pulling her back towards the bed gently, helping to set her down* “Okay, no more blood tests. I don’t think it’s going to work.” *Jo tries to shuffle Anna back as far as possible so any movement won’t have her rolling off the bed before stroking the other’s hair from her face with a small frown* “And no, he’s not. Though maybe you’re taking refresher angel ones - unless you’re just being completely stupid wiht these attempts. Does that happen every time?”

Anna: *Anna nods, the shock easing and she coughs taking a deep breath* “It sucks and sort of hurts.” She whispers with a weak laugh. “Thanks.” She relaxes slowly, her muscles unclenching. “Refuse to believe that Crowley is only way out.”

Jo: “Looks like someone was zapping you with fifty stun guns at once, Anna. That can’t be good for your heart..” *Jo sighs, looking at Anna’s clammy and sweart skin before holding up a hand* “Stay.” *She rushes into the bathroom and grabs one of the small hand towels, wetting it and coming back to rest it on Anna’s forehead* “Can’t help but think that he might be. Which is disgusting as all hell”

Anna: *The cold feels good and she closes her eyes for a moment. Jo keeps bringing things up she hadnt thought off, the shock goes down her spine she never even thought about her heart.* “Just, demon magic, not like real electricty. Crowley won’t kill his pet.” *She’s breathing easier as her chest unclenches and she reaches up with a shaking hand to move the towel down her face* “Thank you again.”

Jo: “I wouldn’t be too sure about that. He practically did kill Grey the first time he got him. Back when he had one of these.” *Jo reaches out and taps Anna’s collar with one finger gently before moving to pick up the towel for Anna and moves it as gently as possible, frowning down at the silver piece of metal* “I’d avoid doing that more than once a day though, just to be sure..”

Anna: “He killed Grey?” *Anna blinks not knowing that and she lays her head back letting Jo move the towel over her skin.* “More than once, that was number 6 today..I think..”

Jo: “I said practically. I don’t know the details, I just know it was bad..” *Jo frowns slightly, giving Anna a sharp look* “/Definitely/ no more tests today. Honestly, you thought that was a good idea?”

Anna: “No. Never said it was. Only one that can’t hurt anyone else.” *Anna winces as she looks away as Jo gives her a look.* “Tried to get Gray to try and pull it off, just ignore the shocking but he wouldn’t. Never actually finished spell, hard to speak when your jaw locks up.”

Jo: “I’d go ahead and hazard a guess that it isn’t coming off then, because I don’t know anyone who will willingly help you or hurt you.” *Jo sighs,folding the towel into a long strip and leaving it across Anna’s neck right near where her skin was slightly red from the collar’s reaction*

Anna: “Maybe provoke Grey, he wouldn’t care.” *Anna reaches up, rubbing the collar.* “This sucks, trade problems? Can be upset over not wanting to kill someone you can have new jewelry.”

Jo: “He’d know it was helping you, I doubt he’d want to do that..” *Jo sighs, sounding a little bitter when she says it before an idea strikes her making her laugh awkwardly* “I wonder if I had taken Crowley up on his offer if I’d have been given a key.. And I think I’ll keep my own problems, thanks.”

Anna: “Offer?” *Anna looks at Jo blinking several times as she feels her body wanting to shut down but she doesn’t want to sleep.*

Jo: “I keep you 'pets’ in line.. take you out for exercise, stop any harm coming to them - and Mom gets a free ride up to Heaven and a long happy life with no problems.” *Jo shrugs, looking down at Anna as she blinks blearily* “I told him to fuck off.”

Anna: “Still doing it though. Won’t let Grey and I fight, telling me I’m stupid for this, bringing a cold towel.” *Anna’s blinks are getting longer as her words slur worse and worse. “Could use massage if pampering pets..”

Jo: “I’d rather do it without the connection and feeling like I’ve sold my soul to the devil.” *Jo sighs, watching her carefully before smiling slightly* “You’re not a pet, Anna, 'least not to me. Roll on your front if you want, otherwise just nod off. I’ll take care of everything.”

Anna: “Take care of Gray?” *Anna asks as she gives up the fight and let’s her body’s demand for sleep take her. She’s relaxed there with Jo, only other person besides Gray she feels totally at ease around when they aren’t fighting.

Jo: *Jo looks uncomfortable for a second, frowning as Anna seems to slip off slightly* “I’ll see what I can do.” *She waits until Anna’s out cold to stand up, taking the towel with her as she starts packing away the bowl of herbs and generally cleaning up and replacing the towel with another before pulling out her phone to play with instead of just leaving*

#2 - This is when and how Jo tells Anna about Gray. Not sure if seen before or if I’ve posted before.

Jo: *Jo’d waited a few hours at home, showering to wash what blood she’d gotten on her off, before heading across town to Anna’s - debating the whole time what she should and shouldn’t say. Distractedly, she knocks on the front door a quick beat until she sees the light under the door and just pushes the door open heading in* “So, I’ve got some good news and some… news. Which you want first, Anna?”

Anna: *Anna is cleaning up the apartment when she hears the knock on the door and before she can even take two steps she see’s Jo walk in and the other woman’s expression tells her that this isn’t a social call. She raises a brow at how Jo just starts the conversation and she leans against the counter she was cleaning.* “News.”

Jo: *She reaches up to rub at the back of her neck, kicking the door shut gently behind her and diverting her eyes from Anna as she brushes past to put the bed between them* “Well, I’ve seen Gray..”

Anna: *Anna nods, not liking how Jo is hesitating.* “And?”

Jo: “He’s.. …not exactly himself.” *Jo finally looks over at Anna, shifting a few steps further back, not sure what her reaction would be* “But I’m doing what you asked.”

Anna: *Anna looks at Jo half expecting to hear that she found him dead and the good news being she wasn’t the one that killed him. Hearing Gray isn’t himself only increases her worry.* “What do you mean he isn’t himself? Crowley?”

Jo: “Yeah, Crowley was involved. Dropped him off on me as a little task.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder as she speaks, watching Anna carefully* “He’s still him, but.. not really the same as always.”

Anna: *Anna runs a hand over her face and through her hair as she gives Jo a look of frustration when the blond woman keeps talking in circles.* “Jo, what happened?”

Jo: “He doesn’t want you to know.” *She spits it out quickly, deciding not to elaborate on exactly what seems to have happened just yet* “The good news is it doesn’t seem like Crowley literally bent him over at least.”

Anna: *Anna takes a breath before giving Jo a look, glaring somewhat at her.* “Good..you..Jo. What. Happened? and Where. Is. Gray?”

Jo: “I, uh.. He doesn’t want you to know that either. I tried to bring him here and he freaked out on me.” *Jo shifts awkwardly under Anna’s glare, rubbing at her neck again before adding very quickly* “He also seems to have had his powers surpressed and can’t do anything.”

Anna: “So Gray is locked in his body?” *Anna closes her eyes praying for patience in dealing with Jo.* “If he doesn’t want me to know then why are you telling me? You might as well tell me where he.” *Crossing her arms she stares at Jo expecting an answer.*

Jo: “Um, more than that.. He tried to set things alit and stuff, but it didn’t work, and now I think about it he seems to have tried disappearing or feeding and none of that worked too.” *Jo gives Anna a significant look, raising an eyebrow before shrugging back at her* “Because, if I tell you where he is then I’m going to go ahead and say he’s not going to let me keep taking care of him. Like you asked, and seemingly Crowley wants me to. But I’m telling you about it because you deserve to know.”

Anna: “Jo…” *Anna frowns as Jo keeps telling her about what Crowley did and she’s worried about Gray knowing him and how badly he acted before when hurt but now he can’t feed?* “Tell me where he is, you can’t expect to tell me this and just sit back!” *She’s biting her lip at the idea of Jo taking care of Gray, it’s her place, she’s always done it before.*

Jo: *When Anna doesn’t seem likely to throw something at her, Jo shifts moving closer, twisting a hand in her hair as she looks about awkwardly almost* “He doesn’t want you to see him like this, Anna. You know him, he’s too goddamn proud to let you see him like he is right now.”

Anna: *Anna gives Jo a look of total annoyance rolling her eyes as she goes over and grabs her bag, putting clothes and other supplies inside of it.* “Do you know how many times he’s told me to go away because his pride has been hurt? I never listened before. So you can tell me or I can start looking around town for him myself.”

Jo: “Anna, stop. Okay? I’ll tell you as soon as the stitches can come out, okay? And this isn’t..” *Jo sighs, moving over to grab Anna’s bag and holding it away* “There is something seriously wrong, and I’m fairly certain that he will run and never come back if you show up and find him now.”

Anna: “Damn it Jo! Give it back!” *Anna lunges for the pack glaring at Jo as she says something about stitches.* “You think there’s something wrong? Of course there is something wrong! If Gray had picked the other choice then he wouldn’t be in this mess and it’s not your place to take care of him, you don’t even like him. How do I know you won’t just kill him??”

Jo: “Ya know he said that too. 'Should have let him fuck me’.” *Jo’s voice drops down in the impersonation, jerking the pack to the other side away from Anna* “Am I the only one who thinks theres something wrong with that thought? And you asked me to Anna, you asked me to take care of him - so I damn well will even if I don’t want to. I had the option to kill him, he was right there and weak and I /didn’t/ because you asked me not to!”

Anna: “He..No! That isn’t what I’m talking about! How could you think that is..” *Anna is clenching her fists tempting to take a swing at Jo, she’s never fucking listened to anyone why is she starting now!* “He ..just never mind Jo! Tell me where he is damn it!”

Jo: *Jo turns her head but not quick enough, feeling the ache through her chin as she tosses the pack over the far side of the room* “Well that’s what he’s talkin’ about, Anna. He is regretting /that/ choice, not the one protecting you. So, I figure I owe him one right about now - so I’ll keep my agreement with him about you.”

Anna: *Anna turns walking towards the door, fuck Jo and fuck Gray for not wanting to see her. She’s got nothing but time until Crowley comes back to have fun with her so she can easily start walking the city and looking for where Jo might be keeping Gray.*

Jo: *Looking between Anna and the pack, Jo moves over to grab it before catching up to Anna* “How 'bout I take this over for him, along with anything else /other/ than you you want to pass along, and I’ll see how he feels 'boutt seeing you now he’s had some time to adjust?”

Anna: *Anna stops still visibly pissed at Jo and she doesn’t say anything at first but then she just nods.* “If I don’t hear anything by tomorrow then you can tell him that when I do find him, he’s going to be in so much trouble.” *Opening the door she waits for Jo to leave.*

Jo: *Jo barely restrains herself from muttering that she’s guessing he isn’t going to be the only one, shrugging the pack onto her shoulder with a nod* “I’ll get him to send you a message then.” *Stepping out into the hall, she raises an eyebrow checking there was nothing else*

Anna: “Also tell him I’m pissed at not wanting to see me. He’s an ass.” *Anna shuts the door on Jo turning around and walking back to the bed before flopping down and resisting the urge to scream and throw things.* “Stupid stubborn jackass!”

#3 - After Anna was a stalker and Gray yelled at Jo about Anna showing up…

Anna: *The sun was going down as Anna walks down the street. She’s staying close to the building, walking slowly as she makes way across town. She just keeps telling herself to get to Gray and she can not think about things for a while. She’s sure people think she’s drunk or on something by the way she stumbles and she wishes she was, it would make everything more bearable she thinks.*

Jo: *Jo was heading back away from the motel, planning to talk to the other shadow about a few things - mostly for his protection or to calm down the potential outburst she could feel would happen with Gray as he was - when she spots Anna coming from the other direction. It looks like she might have been drinking but Jo isn’t sure, and moving closer, Jo wonders what she should say - if at all*

Anna: *Anna isn’t looking up, watching the sidewalk more than the people around her. She keeps telling herself it’s just a few more blocks as she mentally prepares herself for Gray to reject her again. She doesn’t want to fight with him right now, just to lay down with him and sleep.*

Jo: *When they’re practically on top of one another, she figures from the look of the other - downcast eyes and the occasional stumble - that something has to be said* “Heading to see Gray? Can you make sure he takes another pill with whatever food if you’re there long enough?” *Her tones a bit harder than she meant it to be, but Jo’s having trouble keeping it from being outrightly hostile as it is*

Anna: *Anna startles hearing Jo right up on her and she swallows and nods.* “If he will let me in sure.” *She’s feeling sick as she tries to step around Jo, not looking up at the blond woman hearing the hostile tone in her voice.*

Jo: “He seemed pretty insistent you weren’t going to be coming back. I guess you’ll give him a hell of a surprise.” *Jo quickly takes in how Anna’s looking, not sure the slightly abnormal colour of her cheeks was a good thing*

Anna: “Probably should go back but I don’t care..” *Anna shrugs as she starts walking again, Crowley never said she couldn’t see Gray and she intends to see him as much as she can or at least till Crowley makes it where she can’t when he starts his visits.* “Thanks Jo, for taking care of him. Don’t think I ever said that before.”

Jo: *Jo turns, watching her, not sure if she should tag along before she catches Anna’s thanks and decides to walk with her for a while* “No, you didn’t actually. You asked me to though, so I am. Benefits everybody if I do.” *She shrugs her shoulder, falling into step but staying a littler further away than normal* “Try to keep him off his leg if you can, too.”

Anna: *Anna nods again to Jo.* “Gray should be fine and if you can, could you kill Crowley faster?” *She stops leaning on the wall of an abandoned building.* “You should probably keep your distance from me.”

Jo: *Jo stops when Anna does, looking between their feet when Anna says something about distance - shrugging and smiling to herself slightly at the idea that distance would have much effect on anything* “I’ll see what I can do. And if you’re saying that because of Crowley - he knows I got the memo, so I’m not exactly on the hit list anymore. If you’re talking about what happened..”

Anna: “No I’m talking about you killing him and he’s going to be around a lot more.” *She’s not sure if she wants to tell Jo what happened or if she needs to but she feels like after their last fight it wouldn’t be a good idea.* “Grey’s safe too. Not going after him.”

Jo: “Thats..a change.” *Jo stares across at Anna, eyebrows knitting in the middle as she tries to work out what might have caused it other than that Crowley had said something. Crowley was always saying something. Shaking her head, she nods towards the direction of the motel with a sigh* “Well, Im trying where Crowleys concerned, but Im going to need to be near Gray a lot with some of his injuries..”

Anna: “I’m not going to stay with Gray for long, I just want to be there tonight.” *Anna shrugs some as she reaches up with a hand wiping her face.* “I did something that he’s going to yell about or maybe not with the way he’s acting now. I don’t know..”

Jo: “Like I say, he’s not expecting you back. All the fun fight in him’s gone out.” *She sighs, not sure what Anna might have done and not really knowing if its still her place to know considering* “I’m rather amazed I’m not still yelling about what I know you’ve done, let alone anything you might have done since. But I’d figure he’ll blink at you and follow orders or something, given that’s all he’s been doin’ when I’ve been over.”

Anna: “Go a head and yell.” *Anna keeps her mouth shut about the fact Crowley doesn’t care if she tried to take Grey out now, Jo might just hit her this time and she shrugs again about Gray.* “Crowley planned that well, breaking Gray..”

Jo: “I think you figured out how I’m feeling about what happened, Anna.” *She grits the words out, crossing her arms as she looks back at the redhead* “He did. Though it’s really fucking annoying that he’s leaving others to deal with the mess of a monster rather than having his fun and being done.”

Anna: *Anna pushes off the building walking again.* “He won’t bother Gray again so your job just got easier.”

Jo: “You’d think that. I can’t say Crowley’s appearance would help or hinder it one way or the other actually. Unless he can, and will, zap the idiots personality back in place” *Jo sighs watching Anna push off, not moving to follow but calling out* “Whatever you’ve done, I hope it’s worth it, Anna.”

Anna: *Anna doesn’t say anything, she doesn’t regret it but she’s scared about it. Gray’s hotel finally comes in view and she sags seeing it there and she walks a bit faster.*

Jo: *When Anna keeps moving forward, Jo turns back towards home, setting off and not quite sure what to make of what just occured*

#4 - Jo still being a good friend and getting Anna’s collar off for her.

Jo: *Jo wasn’t too sure about what Anna wanted, though her talk with Ruby the day before suggested that that might be what was going to be what it was about without the other even needing to say it. Stashing the dagger into the holder she used to have around her back all the time, but now just when out, she went over to the other’s - paranoid that she’d lose the weapon or someone would attack, before

Jo: knocking on the door sharply*

Anna: *Anna hears the knock and she walks over to the door opening it. She looks at Jo and then steps aside.* “Ruby said you can get the collars off.” *She’s annoyed by now at everything she can’t reach where Ruby pricked her and it’s sore and she can’t figure out Jo’s motives and just everything and everyone can go to hell.*

Jo: *She’s surprised by Anna’s expression and how pissy she seems but figures something must have happened to cause it as she follows Anna in, kicking the door shut behind her* “Yeah, I can. I’m guessing you’re more than ready to get that thing off?”

Anna: “Why do you have something like that?” *Anna moves back to the bed sitting down staring at Jo. Crowley plays games and she’s wondering what this one is and what’s Jo’s part.*

Jo: “Because I do. Did you want it off or did you want to play spanish inquisition?” *Jo replies, moving closer but keeping her back away from Anna* “Turn around the other way so I can get to the back of it.”

Anna: *Anna turns pulling her hair aside and she huffs* “If that thing can break the collars off it should be able to unbind Gray.”

Jo: *Jo doesn’t make any comment, glad Anna was facing away as her face flushes brightly and she’s unable to control the look that crosses her face. Fumbling the dagger out, she grabs a hold of the collar as gently as possible as she presses the tip of the blade to the top of the metal* “This might zap for a few seconds” *Warning Anna before twisting and pushing harshly for the invisible join*

Anna: *Anna braces herself feeling Jo work her fingers between the collar and her skin and she bites her lip as the shock starts, her body jerking and then she falls forward when the collar opens and she’s left breathing hard.*

Jo: *The second the collar is open, Jo moves away, slipping the dagger back into the holster before moving forward to help* “Hey, hows that? Never going to feel that again from that collar.”

Anna: “Till Crowley gets angry at it being off..but whatever..” *Anna sits up rubbing her neck glad it’s gone for now and she turns with a wince as she faces Jo again.* “You never said anything about it working on Gray.”

Jo: “Yeah, but then I’ll just take the next one off as well.” *Jo shrugs a shoulder, schooling her face as blankly as possible at Anna’s second comment before shrugging again* “I didn’t, yeah.”

Anna: “So it does but you don’t want to tell me that it does. Why is that Jo?” *Anna tries to not sound accusing but it’s hard as she reaches back rubbing her shoulder. She wants to give Jo the benifit of the doubt and believe Jo has a good reason for not telling her.*

Jo: *Jo pulls a face, running a hand through her hair as she tried to think of a response* “Because it won’t until Crowley wants it to.”

Anna: “And Crowley wants you to get the collars off? Maybe I’ll just call Ruby back and find out. And thanks for letting me find out from her about this and not from you.” *Anna raises a brow at Jo’s explination*

Jo: “I.. didn’t know that it would work on the collars. There are reasons it works on them just fine and won’t work on Gray, okay?” *Jo snips back, crossing her arms under her chest as she stares back at Anna* “And Ruby knows jack shit.”

Anna: “It’s amazing what she can know though if the right deal is made.” *Anna challenges watching Jo carefully and she shakes her head.*

Jo: “Maybe that’s true, but you’d have to know and trust me it’s not going to be worth whatever she asks you to trade off about it. If nothing else, because you’re not going to be able to get it off of me /to/ unbind him, Anna.” *Jo’s look darkens slightly as she shrugs a shoulder again, not sure what Anna would do if she did get a hold of it* “Not that it would work yet, anyway.”

Anna: “Fine then explain to me why it won’t work yet. What’s Crowley’s game.” *Anna’s trying to remain civil, there’s a way to get Gray back to normal and Jo’s stalling.*

Jo: “Because other hoops have to be jumped through, and you don’t know them.” *Jo’s not sure what to do, the way the conversation has turned makes her extremely uncomfortable, especially since she figures Anna would try to remove the other so called 'hoop’ without a second thought* “Crowley’s punishing me for calling him and telling him to leave you alone or let Gray go. Thats his game, nothing else.”

Anna: *Anna runs her hand through her hair and she looks at Jo before taking a deep breath.* “And what are these hoops? What makes them so hard that you aren’t jumping are do you simply intend to leave Gray like he is and hope he or I never found out?”

Jo: “Well, I - unlike you - see some benefits to him being the way he is at the moment, so even if there weren’t any other circumstances I’d be reluctant to get rid of /all/ of the restrictions he has right now.” *Jo replies, sneering slightly as she speaks - more to herself than Anna.* “I’m not going to tell you what they are, Anna, and I’m not going to do any of them. I am unwilling to be responsible for them or for them to happen.”

Anna: “Then you can leave and lose my number Jo.” *Anna isn’t going to scream or fight and she isn’t going to tell Gray that there’s a way to release him that Jo’s to much of a bitch to do it. Standing up she walks to the bed room and shuts the door, locking Jo out.*

Jo: *Jo glares at Anna’s comment, rolling her eyes before calling out* “Fine!” *Rubbing at the back of her neck, figuring Anna would get over it by whenever Gray’s unbound again or adjusts to the way he is, she heads out the front door - shutting the door behind her as she heads home, hand careful to double and triple check her dagger every few feet*

#5 - Jo the psycho knife wielder that I’ve posted before…

Jo: *Jo’d waited until the other was settled enough that she could slip off - already know exactly where she did and didn’t want to go. The second she got in front of the slightly beat up doorway, she was knocking. Hard. Grey’d given her the idea that Anna might have been involved, but the blonde woman was really hoping that wouldn’t be the case as she keeps thudding on the door* “Anna, open up!”

Anna: *Anna hasn’t drank all night and she can feel it, she’s nervous and anxious waiting to hear back from Ruby and wondering if Gray will be alright once it’s done. There’s no promis that she’ll even see him after this so she doesn’t know. She’s almost asleep when the hard knock on her door makes her jump and for a moment she hopes but then she hears Jo’s voice, sighing she yells it’s open*

Jo: *Taking in the other’s appearance for a second, Jo shoulders her way past her roughly to stalk around the room, as though looking for signs of the other monster or anything which might give a hint. The small bowl sitting on the kitchen counter full of summoning pieces makes the thought Anna wasn’t involved drift away a little, but she reassures herself it could have been old* “Hi Anna, you do anything interesting last night?” *Jo’s tone is sharp, a forced sense of familiarity and niceness behind it as she pins the other woman with a look*

Anna: *Anna rolls her eyes at Jo’s agression. It must be done whatever had to have happened by the way the blond hunter is acting and she closes the door.* “I went and saw Gray, he’s still fevered and I’m worried about the fact his leg isn’t getting better despite the pills.” *Anna crosses her arms looking at Jo, questioning why the other woman hasn’t taken care of this problem.*

Jo: “Oh? I doubt that’s going to be an issue much longer though, right?” *Jo hisses out, keeping a scowl off her face with as much control as she can. That Gray was still sick when Anna last saw him was interesting, so whatever happened Anna musn’t have been there for it.*

Anna: “Why are you planning to finally break the marks on his back?” *Anna raises an eyebrow at Jo. She can feel her heart racing and she’s suddenly glad Ruby didn’t give her details of what must have happened by how pissed Jo seems now.*

Jo: *Jo glares this time at the almost accusing sound to the other’s question, crossing her arms tightly and digging her fingers into the muscle of her own arms rather than give into the temptation to hit something* “I would /never/ have done that Anna. Not with what it required to do otherwise.” *Swallowing down the option to throw her own accusation, the blonde quirks an eyebrow back at Anna*

Anna: “And what does that require Jo? What could possibly be so bad you are leaving Gray like he is with an infection that might kill him because obviously his body without his healing powers can’t handle it!” *Anna is this time the one close to screaming as she walks over to Jo, glaring at her as she challenges Jo.*

Jo: “Aside from the fact I’m a /hunter/ and his being powerless is a /good thing/ for everyone else?” *Jo fires back, tilting her head up slightly as she meets Anna’s challenge. After a beat she shakes her head and lets out a sharp laugh* “Like I fucking said, that’s not going to be a problem any more, and honestly maybe it’ll give him a bit more respect for those of us he exposes to the potential of what /was/ killing him, hmm?”

Anna: “It’s not a good thing for me!” *Anna practically screams at Jo before turning around and walking off away from Jo before she gives into the urge to punch Jo.* “So what are you saying, someone broke the bindings on Gray? Or have you just decided to kill him for the greater good?”

Jo: “One in seven fucking billion, Anna.” *The pitch and volume of Anna’s voice makes Jo cringe before snapping back at her, snarling when Anna makes the suggestion that she was just going to kill Gray as he was* “Why would I fucking bother doing all the rest of it if I was just going to do that? Fuck you. You saying you didn’t know? That you didn’t ask some demon to set your little boyfriend loose on the world?”

Anna: “And what if I fucking did? What? Are you going to hunt me now Jo? I’m sure that if it was Grey like this and I was the one refusing you would do what you could to unbind him!” *Glaring at Jo she points at the door.* “You can fucking leaven now.”

Jo: *The second Anna mentions Grey being the same as the other, Jo springs into motion without even thinking about it, hands snapping out to shove the other woman back towards the wall. Following through, one hand clasps around the front of Anna’s throat as the other reaches to her back to pull out the still bloody dagger she’d not bothered cleaning* “You’d be right about Grey being like that. What do you think the fucking catch was?! I would have freed your fuckin’ asshole - or at least most of him - if it didnt mean I’d have to carve up someone I love! Would you have fuckin done that for Grey if it was the other way? Would you have carved the fuck out of your little monsters back so he could be unbound?! I DON’T FUCKING THINK SO!” *She waves the dagger as she presses tighter against her neck*

Anna: *Anna blinks as Jo suddenly attacks her and she tries to get Jo’s hand off her throat as Jo presses her back against the wall. The fact that Grey was carved up like Gray makes her laughs suddenly and she lifts up her leg with the plastic brace, kicking Jo as hard as she can before letting go of Jo’s hand around her throat and slapping Jo hard.* “You love? What happened to the fact you’re a hunter and you’re in love with a monster?”

Jo: *She lets out a yelp at the kick, stumbling back at Anna’s slap before fisting her hands and throwing a punch at Anna’s face with her empty one before slashing out towards the other’s cheek and mouth with the other holding the dagger.* “I never said /in/ love, you bitch. And if you’re laughin’ at Grey being cut up - I’m more than happy to give you a taste of just how fuckin’ funny it is!”

Anna: *Anna tries to jerk her head back away from the punch and she forgets how close to the wall she is and she feels both connect before a stinging pain hits her cheek, the tip of hte dagger cutting her.* “So, guess that puts me with how I rank with you then because you’re obviously willing to carve me up for Grey but your pissed at the fact I wanted you to free Gray?” *Reaching up she wipes the blood off her cheek as she shoves Jo back, grabbing the blond woman’s wrist with the dagger and twisting to try and make her let go.*

Jo: “Actually I’m pissed that you’re pissed that I wouldn’t.” *Jo sneers back, digging her nails into her palm around the dagger as Anna triest to twist it out of her hand. Bringing her other fist up again she punches towards Anna’s closest ear, trying to tug free of her with a hiss* “I’m not pissed you wanted me to free him - I’d have felt the same in reverse, I’m fuckin’ pissed you completely wrote me off as your fuckin’ friend because I dared to say no to you!”

Anna: *Anna lets go of Jo as the blow to the ear makes her head explode in pain and she lets go of Jo, reaching up to cover that ear as she can’t hear anything but a ringing out of it now.* “My friend? When have we been friends? We’ve fucked, we’ve hunted together and we get drunk together but when have we been friends? I mean you tell me Jo? Putting hunting first? Grey leaves me in an alley and you don’t give a shit about that. Other than telling you what you want to hear and fucking you what has he done for you besides turned Ellen over to Crowley?”

Jo: “We were, and I’ve considered you as one rup until now. I was willing to overlook your shit the same way as I overlook Grey’s or any other friend of mine’s, Anna. I could overlook your sleeping with someone who wanted to kill me, your rejection that hunting was my /job/ and my /life/, your attempts on my other friends’ lives - but you can’t overlook my wanting to hunt and everything after that’s just another nail with you.” *Jo steps back several feet, dropping her hands to her sides but keeps spinning the dagger in her hand as she looks at the other* “I could say the same about Gray, what the fuck has he done for you, because I haven’t seen any of it. And you’ve seen /nothing/ of what Grey’s done for me, Anna. And I’ve seen /nothing/ of what you’ve done for me anymore either.”

Anna: *Anna laughs at the things Jo is saying and she leans back against the wall, her ear still ringing and she fixes Jo with a look.* “I wasn’t the first person to sleep with Gray. And I’ve never made an attempt on your other friends. Threats maybe but he’s the one that’s come far closer to killing me but that’s okay it seems. And as far as your hunting, there are other things in life. God didn’t make you the single hunter responsible for the world stop acting like you’re the only one out there! You aren’t that special Jo even if Grey says you are. He’s lying to make you feel better about your failures in that relationship too.”

Jo: *Jo opens her mouth to reply before Anna keeps going, staring at her almost unhearingly before she storms forward again, knee raising straight up to the other’s stomach before grabbing at Anna’s hair with her empty hand* “I’m not dellusional like you, Anna. I know I’m not the most important, top thing in the world. Maybe you need to get the fucking message.” *She grits it out, twisting her hand in Anna’s hair to smash her head back against the wall before tugging her forward to do it again* “I’m not the only one out there, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be out there. I know I’m not special, and neither are fucking you.” *Dragging Anna up with her hand, Jo hisses at her glaring her straight in the eye*

Anna: *Anna’s blinking as Jo stares at her, swallowing back the sick feeling she can’t help but laugh as Jo seems to think she feels she’s the most important thing and she doesn’t stop laughing even with the pounding her head.* “I’m not important, I’ve never been important. You and the rest of the world and Heaven have made that absolutely clear. Go a head Jo because I hope it hurt when Grey was carved and I hope that while he’s powerless I get the chance to end him because this time, I will.”

Jo: *Anna’s laughing throws her off, wrinkling her nose as she tries to work out what she’s laughing about before just opting to knee her again like cutting off the air will stop it. Jo doesn’t believe Anna’s comments about herself, but sneers back at her as Jo lifts the dagger up again - this time pressing it against the branded name on Anna’s neck* “Too late for that, Anna. But lets see how you enjoy what I had to do to set everything right again.” *Keeping her face straight, the mask of indifference she got during the start of a hunt slipping over her sneer, Jo slices through the mark once, deeper than need be, and then another two times as she stares Anna down*

Anna: *Anna stops as Jo hits her again and she’s gasping when Jo begins to cut the brand and it burns as the mark breaks and she’s twisting to get out of Jo’s hold as the hunter cuts her twice more.* “Fuck you Jo…” *She’s breathing hard trying to get her breath back as she blinks back the tears as the cuts keep burning.* “You didn’t do anything to put things right…”

Jo: “And neither did you! You broke everything for your selfishness, Anna-” *She cries back, fisting her hand in Anna’s hair and shoving her towards the bed as she spins the dagger again in her other hand. Jo’s finding it easier to ignore how bad this makes her feel when she squashes it down with the anger she was feeling about it all.* “All I’m doing is cleaning up your mess and finishing the job.”

Anna: *Struggling as Jo tries to push her to the bed she kicks back at Jo, ignoring the pain as her hair twists. The blood is running down her neck, soaking into her shirt and part of her wishes Jo would just end it.* “And when are you going to clean up your own messes. Crowley, Ellen, everything else. When are you going to admit that you caused this whole thing! I tried to leave before but no you can’t stand the idea of being alone so you forced me back. So who’s fault is this really Jo??”

Jo: *Groaning at the kicks, Jo shoves Anna before following her, pinning her down with a sharp blow to her knee and holding the other woman down beneath her as she presses the edge of the blade just above Crowley’s brand* “Fine, I’ve fucked up - I’ve brought this entire fucking thing on all of us! You fuckin’ happy now?” *She drops her gaze from Anna’s face to her neck before letting the hatred at everything happening guide her hand as she cuts it again until the word was practically unrecognisable* “I’ve done every fucking thing wrong so we’d get to this point - you’d be Crowley’s happy little bitch, Gray’d be somewhere on the loose again and everything else is at knife point! That we’d destroy whatever fuckin’ friendship we had left when you put a monster above me all those months ago, and now I’d do the same to you.”

Anna: *Anna is reaching back, clawing at the hand in her hair when the blow to her knee sends her down on the bed, she’s reaching back trying to grab anything she can on Jo to make the woman let go of her but her efforts are stopped when Jo begins to cut her again and she screams into the bed.* “Boo..fucking..hoo..” *She’s not caring about Jo and she just wants the bitch off of her.* “Yes Gray’s free and I’m not going to stop him from going after anyone he wants too now including you! I put you above everyone till now and you can’t stand that I’ve put Gray first because for once I’m selfish!”

Jo: “Liar!” *Jo shakes her head, slamming the but of the blade against Anna’s mouth when she claws and screams, before sitting up straight and slamming both her fists down at the other’s chest - careful only in the sense of keeping the dagger pointed away from the other.* “You fucking liar! Everything’s been for you, every fucking thing is so you can be in control of the garrison down here! You brought strangers into my house, you belittled me and took everything out on me, you made it a choice between what you wanted and getting screamed at for doing what I wanted! You’re fucking liar, I’ve never been first - it’s never been what I wanted or what’s best for me! Just whatever you thinks right!” *She’s shaking as she screams down at the other before ripping at her shirt and starting to slice through anywhere she sees the demon’s name* “I’m never first, I never win, and I’m fucking tired of it! Bring it on Anna, bring it fucking on. You! Gray! Crowley! Who-the-fuck-ever! Bring it fucking on because I’m done with this!”

Anna: *Anna doesn’t say anything, Jo’s screaming is confusing her and then the pain is making it hard especially when Jo starts to slash her and she can’t help but scream as some of the cuts go deep. She doesn’t get what Jo means, garrison here on earth..she never wanted that she never wanted to be in control but then one thing Jo says does get through and when Jo slows down and she can speak without choking Anna does but it’s not very loud.* “You’re house..I thought I was bringing people into our house who needed a place because they didn’t fit in with the rest of the world..like us..”

Jo: *Jo’s hands raised to cut again when Anna speaks again, staring down at her and the bloody mess that was all over the both of them, jaw clenching tightly as the words sink in - bringing about the moment again when she was last in a position like this, powering over a monster and being disgusted by herself, feeling the same feelings bubble up. Leaning back, she looks between Anna’s face and her hand, glaring before shaking her head* “You were. You were bringing in people who needed a place because they didn’t fit.. but not like us. Like /you/. I know my place in the world, I always have - it’s you who doesn’t, same as Harry and Lily.. You don’t know where you fit, but me?” *Waving her hand, Jo looks down and sees one more brand untouched, pressing the blade down on it and dragging along it - breaking it before looking back up at the other’s face* “This is where I fit. You just didn’t want me to.”

Anna: *Anna whimpers as Jo cuts her again, she can’t move without hurting now and she’s clenching her fists in the covers of the bed.* “Fought with you mostly because I didn’t want you doing things the way you were..not that you were doing them..I couldn’t bring you back if you died and I didn’t want you to be killed.” *Swallowing back the feeling to be sick again Anna looks up at Jo and she’s covered blood but it seems fitting.* “Everyone forgets humans can be monsters too, I guess I did too when it came to you.”

Jo: “I guess you did.” *Jo glares down at her before shifting off, standing up when it’s obvious Anna can’t move, wiping the dagger off on a part of her shirt that wasn’t covered in blood before tucking it back into the back loop of her jeans* “Forgot where demons come from, and how we’re just as bad as the things that go bump in the night. /Worse/ because we can hide it.” *She shoots Anna a look, as she runs her bloody hand through her hair before adding quietly* “You’re welcome for making it so Gray won’t be completely repulsed by you when he comes past for dinner.” *Sneering, Jo grabs one of Anna’s jackets and pulls it on as she heads out the door.“

Anna: *Anna lays there and she blinks several times and before Jo’s out the door she tells Jo what she came here to know.* "It was me Jo..I did it..and I don’t regret it..”

Jo: *Jo stops as she’s about to shut the door before turning back to Anna, hand sticky on the door knob* “Then I don’t regret this.” *Her voice stays flat but her face says the complete opposite, before she closes the door behind herself and tucks her hand into the jacket, rushing back towards home as quickly as possible*

#6 - The weird bullshit type for chats I got dragged into doing sometimes. Usually as a form of saving Anna again or just cause Jenna had an idea. ..

Anna: *Woman sits at a desk, looking over a patient file, picking up the phone she calls the last known number.*

Jo: *Jo didn’t want to get out of bed until she heard the telltale sign of her phone ringing down in the lounge. Untangling herself, she heads down and picks up, mumbling* “Ello..?”

Anna: “Goodmorning, this is Mrs. Jones with Duluth General Hospital, is this Jo Harvelle?”

Jo: “Er.. yeah? I don’t have any test results waiting, I haven’t gotten any appointments and I’m not interested in donating for the new wing..”

Anna: “I’m calling on behalf of Anna Miltion. You are the last known contact and she didn’t put down a new contact. Before we go any further do you wish to remain her contact or should her case be turned over to a case worker and patient advocate?”

Jo: “What… what do you mean her case? What’s she in for?” *Jo asks the questions but can already figure out what’s going on, not sure why she’s not getting a visit from the cops instead of a hospital call* “If you can’t answer that without my saying yes, then yeah, I’ll stay the contact.”

Anna: “Very well Miss Harvelle.” *The sounds of typing is heard for a moment before the older woman continues.* “Miss Milton brought herself in the other night with several lacerations to her face, neck and torso. She claims they were self inflicted but it’s clear that she could not have done them all herself even though she was in the middle of an apparent mental breakdown.”

Jo: “Self inflicted.. Is she okay? Is she going to be alright… laceration wise?”

Anna: “Physically yes, none of the lacerations were life threatening though she had lost a lot of blood. What concerns the hospital now is they appear over several older scars in the same area. It shows on Anna’s records at once point she had a legal gaurdian, is she still considered declared mentally imcompetant?”

Jo: “/No/!” *Jo rushes to say, cringing at how loud her voice was and pausing to look up the stairway in case she woke Grey, turning about and heading out to the back step before answering more fully* “No, she’s not mentally incompetant. She’s had therapy from.. Dr White and he can attest that she’s recovering and stable these days.” *She stumbles for a second over which doctor cover she had on hand at the bar*

Anna: *More typing is heard in the background.* “As it stands the hospital my have her declared again. Miss Milton came in saying she was an angel and that God was punishing her and that every time she dies it’s only a new punishment. Since waking from the anesthesia she has lapsed into a catatonic state.”

Jo: “I really don’t think you should do that, Mrs.. Jones, was it? Her doctor has deemed her to not be a danger to herself /or/ others, and as you said her wounds weren’t capable to be fully self inflicted.” *Jo doesn’t stop the hard edge in her voice, cringing after the slightly threatening tone came out* “Obviously she’s dealing with a stressful situation, as her records say, her coping comes from a religious background..”

Anna: “I understand and for now once it’s seen there is no infection Miss Milton will be moved to the psychiatric ward if she doesn’t come emerge from her current state. The doctors would like to have a meeting with you as soon as you can come in, when should I tell them you will be down?”

Jo: “I can be there in half an hour, and I would prefer she have a private room if possible - of course the charge will be paid like last time.” *Jo’s gritting her teeth already, not comfortable at all but the small amount of guilt at going so far against Anna made her feel it was necessary - glad that the bar’s accounts did make money legally and she was still recorded as the account owner*

Anna: “Very well I’ll inform the doctors. Thank you for your time Miss Harvelle.”

Jo: *Jo doesn’t bother responding, just hanging up and heading upstairs to get changed*

[ceabu]

HOMESTUCK BNHA AU 

ARADIA: She can control dead bodies (bones are good too) when she touches them. Cant do it for too long or she’ll pass out tho. She has a Special Room where she keeps dead animals and bones for when she’s going out.

TAVROS: He can transform his enemies in whatever animal he wants. Tho he cant transform their mind so they’ll still attack him. He doesnt work very well in stressful situations and tends to transform people in bulls (his fav animal) and thats not very fun for anyone.

SOLLUX: Can levitate stuff. Not for too long tho or they’ll electrocute. Starts with a weird tingling throughout the body, then some zaps here and there and then ur dead before u know it, He gets nasy headaches if used too much.

KARKAT: Shouts really loudly for people to stfu and leave and they just do it. At first he didnt think anything of it until he was faced with a criminal and he did a very long speech about how shitty the guy was being and that he should just go to jail. And he did.Thats his quirk. Shouts at his enemies to retreat or stay put for the police to get them.He gets ugly coughs if he shouts too much, some blood here and there sometimes. Hes not very good at hand to hand combat tho.

NEPETA: Has all the abilities of a cat!! Ain’t that cool! She can also fall from a very high building and just land on her legs with 0 damage! Nepeta’s very strong!

KANAYA: She can turn any make-up product into a weapon. Her fav is lipstick. The more expensive the product, the better the weapon quality gets! She’s very strong and doesnt really have any weaknesses!

TEREZI: She’s also super strong! She can turn herself into a dragon and breath fire at will! Tho holding the dragon form for too long makes her v tired and sleepy. Even if shes not in her dragon form she still has the dragon abilities and thats cool!

VRISKA: She can steal other people’s quirks by having them look into her eyes for 8 seconds. She cant control the quirk very well if shes not used to it and is the first time taking it or if the person is higher than her on the hemospectrum.

EQUIUS: He’s just super strong. That’s it. 

GAMZEE: He can enter ppls minds and make as if their worst nightmares have come to life. Some villans pass out in less than a minute. Some have even died due to shock and had a heart attack. He only uses his quirk in emergency situations or when he’s really mad. He usually relies on his strength alone to finish a fight because he gets horrible headaches if he uses his quirk on too many people and gets in a pissed off mood for moslty 2 hours if he doesnt eat something sweet or if karkat’s not there to calm him down.

ERIDAN: He can shoot blasts of light through his eyes. Think of aoyama but just without the damage. Well it is a very bright light and if u look at it too much u most def would go blind. His friends use him as a lantern when the light goes out at night to go to the bathroom lmao

FEFERI: Water control! Shes very powerful! and can control water as easy as u can breath! Her most powerful attack is when she drains the water from her enemy’s body! They die in like 1-2 minutes after that but she rarely uses this attack! She can’t stay on land for too long tho or she’ll get dry :c

[krpk-remaking]

pairo

a kurapika character study and a speculation on his future

the first time he thinks about specifically pairo in a while is, when the little kid hes just met jumps off the boat to save the sailor.

he and leorio grab hold of gon before the ocean swallows him and he cant help but think back to when pairo grabbed hold of him, damaging his legs and eyes in the fall because then, no one had grabbed them.

it makes him wonder what pairo would be like if he was still alive today - a stupid thought, he knows.

he‘ll never find out.

he tags along with gon.

he tells himself that its not because he reminds him of pairo in a way.

leorio joins them, too.

they fight some more, petty arguments that adults wouldnt have.

probably, because they arent, even if they pretend to be.

they reach the hunter exams.

he tells leorio.

not every detail but enough. and he finds out, that leorios lost a friend too - maybe gon reminded him of that lost friend too. it hurts to be reminded so much of pairo but he deals with it.

he distracts himself.

as always.

maybe leorios sillyness helps.

he cant be weak right now. they reach trick tower.

he sees the spider tattoo.

he KNOWS its fake but its enough.

leorio deals with the aftermath.

then, no pairo for a few days.

they finish trick tower and take on the island.

he finds leorio, then gon finds them.

its only when both of them nearly die, that he is reminded of the loss hes experienced.

but gon doesnt loose hope so neither does he.  

its so painfully pairo, to not loose hope. they all get through the challenge, him, gon, leorio, and killua too. hanzo breaks gons arm.

he doesnt understand how someone could just break a kids arm.

both he and leorio. later, killuas older brother reveals himself.

he wont let him hurt any children.

leorio and hanzo stand by his side. gon wakes up, they go to get killua, and once again gon reminds him of pairo too much.

then, separation.

he thinks less of individual loss.

revenge takes up his mind without any distractions around.

he learns nen, makes his chains, gets the job, goes to york new city.

people tell him the revenge will destroy him

he doesnt really care.

he thinks about them sometimes but not too much, he needs to stay focused.

melody knows now, too.

shes trustworthy he guesses.

no way to hide it from her either way.

he doesnt really care.

its september first and he doesnt go to meet them. leorio calls and he tells him hes busy with work.

he kills his first spider and its worse than he thought itd be.

he prays and for the first time in months, thinks about pairo again.

the spiders know him as the chain user now and theres no going back.

he doesnt really care.

nothing else in his life but revenge now.

too much happens, but he gets the eyes and thats what counts.

the spiders fake their death and he meets the others in the park.

he didnt realize how much hed missed them and laughs, for the first time in a long while.

he finds out that the spiders are alive.

gon leorio and killua insist on helping and he cant stop them.

he knows hed care if something happened to them and he hates it.

he takes the leader.

they send pakunoda.

he binds both of their nens.

he falls into a fever and pairos there again.

he sees him in hallucinations and the guilt kills him.

if hed been more careful and stayed away from the cliff, pairo wouldnt have saved him, wouldnt have been hurt, wouldve been able to leave to the outside with him, would still be alive.

its a selfish wish.

the survivors are the ones that bear most of the pain he knows this.

its selfish to wish this fate on another person, just so he wouldnt be alone.

he never did find that doctor for pairo.

when he wakes up from agony filled fever dreams, for only minutes at a time, leorio is there.

melody too sometimes.

often, leorio is sleeping, leaned against the wall next to him but when he isnt, leorio makes him drink water and swallow pills.

it hurts his throat.

cant he just go back to sleeping?

melody tells him that the nostrade girl is alright.

he wont loose his job.

he‘ll get the eyes.

all of them.

thanks to leorio, his fever goes away.

he thanks him.

but he wonders if leorio wouldve been able to help pairos eyes and legs.

leorio lost a friend and dealt with it by doing his best to not let anyone ever die again.

he lost his entire clan and dealt with it through pure destruction.

if it had only been pairo alone, maybe hed be training to be a doctor right now, too.

but he isnt that noble.

he knows that everyone was right and that the revenge is making him rot from the inside but theres no going back now.

hes gone back to not caring again.

its better to not care.

when he leaves, he doesnt tell gon and killua.

theyre kids, they shouldnt be involved in all this.

he cant get away without telling leorio, though.

he lies and tells him, theyll all reunite soon, but he knows they wont.

its better that way.

leorio pulls melody aside and tells her to take care of him.

he pretends he doesnt hear them.

how selfrighteous of leorio.

he goes back to his job.

starts hunting down the remaining eyes.

keeps climbing the ranks in the nostrade family.

hes good and they know.

leorio tries calling him, a lot.

he never picks up.

why wont he just take the hint.

its better to not get close.

he doesnt admit it, but its nice to know that leorio cares.

he misses them.

the chimera ants happen and he hears on the news.

it doesnt concern him.

leorio still tries to call.

the chimera ants are dealt with.

someone died.

its the chairman he thinks.

leorio tries to call him a few times, again.

he sends texts too but he doesnt read them.

he doesnt have time.

he cant get close.

they shouldnt get close.

its too late, he figures, so maybe „they shouldnt get any closer than they already are“ is a better wording.

he hasnt thought about anything but revenge for so long.

he hasnt thought about just pairo for a while.

its nicer that way.

replacing any sadness with anger keeps him from crying.

mizai shows up.

joining the zodiacs seems useful to get the remaining eyes.

he finally answers one of leorios calls.

he cant give him his email.

too close.

mizai knows enough already.

hes thankful to, and for leorio.

he doesnt get why leorio still does all this, after everything he has tried to push him away.

then, prince woble.

she has little personality yet, shes a baby, but exactly because of that, shes the least rotten person hes met.

he sees the fear in queen oitos eyes and he promises her that he will protect them.

he doesnt lie for a change.

again, everything happens so fast.

they board the ship, everything spirals out of control.

if he keeps using emperor time, he‘ll be dead by the end of the week and he knows this.

leorio is there too but he doesnt see him.

he blacks out once, because he overused nen and bill nearly calls a doctor.

he wouldnt admit it, ever, he feels selfish to even think it, but it wouldve been nice to see leorio again.

theres too much going on to think of pairo.

a few princes die, others learn nen.

a big fight breaks out a few decks under his but he doesnt care, he focuses on prince woble and protecting her.

then, queen oito dies.

he feels it in every last bit of his body.

they were still connected through emperor time and he feels the sensation of death.

hes with melody and bill when it happens.

they were on break.

how stupid of him to think he deserves to rest.

he uses his last strenght to tell them that they need to get to queen oito and he sees bill sprinting away before his vision goes dark.

he doesnt die.

why should he, his body is still in more or less good condition.

but he knows death now.

when he wakes up, leorio is there.

panic overcomes him but leorio tells him to rest and that prince woble is alive.

leorio looks so, so angry, that a mother had to die to protect a baby from a unnecessary war over a stupid throne.

he would be too, but hes just become too good at turning his emotions off.

he tells him that hisoka killed most of the spiders until the woman with pink hair landed the final blow on him.

its only her and killuas younger sibling now.

he feels weirdly empty, and relieved at the same time.

its the most hes felt in a while.

he gets better fast and leaves again.

leorio tries to hug him goodbye but he pretends he doesnt notice and turns away.

leorio tells him to be careful.

„okay“ he lies.

then the sucession war is over.

somehow, prince woble is still alive and he is too.

thanks to leorio, probably.

hes gotten a lot stronger and better at using nen.

prince fuugetsu has the throne now, offiially.

shes griefstrucken but shes managing.

hes thankful to her kind nature and melodys newfound connection to her.

without her, they couldnt have faked prince wobles death.

then he goes to retrive the eyes from prince tsnedderichs chamber, leaves woble in melodys care for a bit.

leorio insists on coming with him, as emotional support.

he tells him he doesnt need it but leorio insists.

he regrets not being more forceful.

he regrets so, so much

its pairo again.

its his head.

the prince had his head in a jar, the middle piece to the missing eyes.

he stares into pairos dead eyes and for the first time in years, actually cries.

he thought that by now, he might have forgotten how to cry but he hasnt.

he screams and cries and everything just spills out.

he just cant grasp how someone could murder a child, cut off their head, and sell it.

he cant.

he hates how he cares.

leorio tries to hold him and he pushes him away, this time literally, but leorio is physically stronger than him.

he cries and punches and kicks leorio but he doesnt let go.

eventually he blacks out and he guesses that leorio carried him back to the med bay because thats where he wakes up.

leorio is once again asleep in a chair next to him.

theres a huge box next to him and kurapika knows whats in it.

oh the irony of it all.

finally a doctor who maybe couldve helped pairo and pairo is even here.

but its too late and pairo is dead and gone and its his fault.

he knows the spiders are truly at fault but you cant get rid of guilt that sits deep in your soul that easily.

he just lays there and thinks, of pairo and everything thats happend since he swore revenge, now eight years ago.

pairo made him promise to have fun, back then, before he left.

he never got to ask him if he did have fun.

melody comes in, holding woble and her eyes widen with happiness when she see that hes awake.

he holds a finger to his mouth and points at leorio.

she just smiles, sits down on the other chair.

then hands him woble.

the prince is sleeping, too.

she smiles in her sleep.

he looks at the sleeping baby, looks at melody, the sleeping leorio, thinks of gon and killua who are waiting back home, and smiles back at the child.

if pairo could still ask if he had fun, kurapika would truthfully say yes.

[fatrainbowmermaidunicorn]

Changes (Namjoon x You ONESHOT)

Hey thanks for the request anon! Honestly, this song give me feels. This is my first ever hyung line fic, so thanks for giving me the opportunity and hope you will enjoy it! <3

MASTERLIST

Mmm, baby, I don't understand this You're changing, I can't stand it

"Y/N, please baby, open this door," Namjoon whispered for over a hundred times as he slide down her apartment door. He has been here for hours, begging for her to open the door and just talk to him. They have been arguing for weeks, probably months, that Namjoon lost track on how long it actually is. And the worse part is, its over something Namjoon don't even know about. Despite their rocky relationship and Y/N asking him for the gazzilionth time to just end the relationship, let her go and just move on, Namjoon doesn't seem to be able to do it.

Y/N is his love.

She is everything he has ever hoped to find in a girl. She is his perfect match in every single way. The way they met, although is more than a cliche typical love story, their feelings for each other are definitely not. Namjoon and Y/N loves each other very much, too much, they believed they have met that one person that was meant for them in this big world. She catches his eye at a fansign over thousand other girls and he has been pursuing her since them. Relentlessly and shamelessly showing his interest until Y/N submit to her feelings for him that he knows she have.. After months of persuading and chasing after her, Y/N finally opened up her heart to say yes and accept his love.

They were madly in love. They perfectly complemented each other in every way. They spend almost all of their waking time together in Y/N's tony apartment where Namjoon will only go back to his dorm to sleep when he absolutely have to. Tours that use to excites him has become some kind of a torture to him now. Having to spend months away from the love of his life, with only limited time for phone and video calls and short text messages to quench his longing and desire for her was hell. The boys doesn't seem to mind their over obsession with each other, as their leader seems to be at his happiest when he's with Y/N. A happy Namjoon means he is willing to work harder, dance harder, especially on days when Y/N would come and watches him practice, he is constantly in a good mood and with his mind always on cloud nine, Namjoon is able to produced more award winning love songs in a heart beat, all thanks to Y/N. The boys definitely have nothing to complain about their relationship, in fact, they welcome her into Namjoon's life.

Their relationship has been going on so strong for almost three years, Namjoon was sure nothing would ever break them apart. Sure, they have their off days and up and downs. Which couple doesn't? But they will somehow always managed to work things out and it will only lead them to develop a stronger feelings for each other. However, for the first time ever since he met Y/N, Namjoon can feel something is changing. Y/N is changing and it scared him to no end to think he might actually really lose her this time.

Things started to go downhill when he went off for on the last leg of his world tour. Months of separation has taken a toll on him. He miss Y/N so much, he is more than ready for the tour to end, pack his bags and went off to see Y/N, taking her in his embraced, making love to her all night long and never lets go. However, about two weeks before he was set to go home, he can sense the distance Y/N seems to be putting between them. Phone calls that she used to eager to received is now left unanswered. Video calls are met with excuses. Text messages are left unread, making Namjoon more anxious to come home even more. The worse part is, he doesn't know the reason why, and one thing that can make him aboslutely crazy, it is not being able to understand what is happening.

Once he got out of the plane, the first thing he does is run off to hail a cab and make his way to Y/N's apartment, leaving the boys and their manager in confusion. Expecting to see a smiling and overjoyed Y/N who is waiting for his return, Namjoon is sorely hurt and disappointed when he is only greeted by a cold Y/N who wouldn't even let him into her apartment or talk to him. Again, without any reason or excuse.

Y/N is changing.

The months he spent away from her made her change.

And his heart cant take it.

He needs his Y/N back.

"Y/N, its me. I'm back baby!" Namjoon knocks on the door with excitement only to be met with Y/N who looks tired and seems like she's been crying for days. "Baby, what ha-"

"You shouldn't be here Joon. Please just go," Y/N spoke between the crack of the door, voice sounded so weak and defeated, it breaks Namjoon's heart, although what she said should break his heart more.

"Go?" He asks in confusion. "What do you mean baby? Why are you saying this? Open the door and let me in. I miss you," he smile, hoping Y/N will drop the act and told him that this is all just a joke, a prank to rile him up and nothing has changed. Everything is just like it used to be.

"Please Joon. I... I don't want to do this anymore. I cant do us anymore. Please just go," was all the she answer she gave, partnered with a solemn face as she push the door trying to close it shut.

"What? You cant possibly mean that. Baby, I-" Namjoon didn't get to finish what he had wanted to say before Y/N is already shutting the door right on his face, leaving him in confusion and in dazed of what just happened, standing awkwardly in front of her door with his luggage scattered all over the floor.

Namjoon thought maybe Y/N is just going through a phase, and with time, she will be back to normal.

But all that happened months ago, and the situation doesn't get any better. Y/N refuses to talk to him at all, or even see him. Still with no explanation or reason from Y/N, Namjoon was left confused and broken, which made him resort to waiting for Y/N everyday in front of her door, begging and waiting for a chance to talk to her.

And today was no exception.

"Please baby... I dont understand, why are you doing this..." he whispered as he leaned weakly and sat on the floor, back leaned against Y/N's door, whispering the same words he has been asking every day since he came back. Words that he doubt Y/N even hear. Or care.

Namjoon leaned back his head against the door and closes his eyes, trying to think about any possible reason that could have make Y/N changed so drastically. But however long he thinks about it, nothing came to mind except the thought that scares him the most; she just doesn't love him anymore.

If that was true, what could have possibly change her heart?

"Baby... what made you change? Dont you love me anymore? Did you change your mind? Did you decide that I'm not worth to love anymore?" he will always whisper into the cold, still night air, intending for Y/N to hear him but with a voice so weak and defeated, nobody would be able to hear the cries of his broken heart.

Namjoon will spend the whole night curled up in front of her door, believing that she will finally reveal herself one day if he didnt give up and only goes back to the dorm when the sun has risen as he still have his responsibilities to fill. Looking at the tired and a broken down Namjoon everyday worry the boys but they know they should give their leader time before they starts to interfere.

"I love you so much Y/N. I'm not going to give up on us. On you. Never.I love you. I will see you tomorrow love," Namjoon leaned his forehead against her door as he softly speaks through it every morning before he left, hoping that one of these days Y/N will hear the plea of his heart.

Little that he know, every night that he spend leaning and whispering through the door, Y/N is right on the other side, leaning back, hearing every single thing that he said while clutching her aching chest, trying to calm her broken heart while trying hard to muffle her cries from Namjoon's hearing.

My heart can't take this damage And the way I feel, can't stand it

Namjoon is going crazy. He cant think of anything else other than Y/N. 24 hours a day, seven days a week, the only thing on his mind is Y/N. Months has passed and Y/N still didnt even give him a slightest reason on why she's doing this. Namjoon's heart is broken beyond repair and its taking a toll on everyone around him.

Is this how it feels to die from a broken heart?

He asks himself as he lay down flat on his bed, flipping through photos of him and Y/N in his phone.

Where did everything went wrong?

The memories of the two of them sharing smiles and laughter flooded his mind.

Why did everything change?

He touched his wet cheeks from the tears that he dont even know is rolling down from his eyes.

What happen Y/N? Please tell me. I dont think my heart can take this any longer.

A soft knock on his door makes Namjoon raised his head to see Jin leaned against his doorway, a sad smile on his face as he looks down at his broken friend and leader. It hurts Jin to see someone who is always so charismatic beaten down to a pulp like this.

"Hey Joon, can I come in?" Namjoon only answered with a weak nod and Jin walks in to take a seat besides him on the bed. "What are you doing? Are you thinking about Y/N again?"

Namjoon closes his eyes and sighed. No one understands what he's feeling and he hates to answer all this questions when all they are going do is judge him and tell him to move on.

But how can someone just move on from being in love?

"What else am I supposed to do hyung?"

Jin sighed. "Joon. Its been months. I think Y/N has made herself perfectly clear on what she wants. Dont you think you should move on too? Isnt that what she would have wanted you to do?" Namjoon straighten himself up and clasped his hands together under his chin, his head hung low.

"How can I do that hyung? When she doesnt even tell me why she's doing this? I thought about it every day but nothing makes sense. I dont understand," he huffed. "My feelings for her is not like running water that I can just turn off whenever I want to hyung. My feelings for her is real and with her doing this... I... I..."

"What is is Joon?"

"I feel like dying," he closes his eyes as if to recall the devastating feelings before continuing. "The way I'm feeling, the way my heart is breaking... I cant stand it hyung," Namjoon buried his head in his hands. Jin softly run his hands down Namjoon's back, patting him as an effort to try to comfort him. He himself is not an expert in love, how is he supposed to say words that would help calm Namjoon's heart?

"I dont know what else to say Joon. But I just hate seeing you like this. All of us do. We are all worried about you," Jin paused as he stare straight ahead at the blank wall. "But always remember that you are not alone. You will always have us," he softly stood up and heads for the door.

Namjoon maintained his position for a while longer as he rethinks and rethinks about everything that had happened in the last few months. Finally, with ultimate determination, he stood up and grabs his jacket. He is going to get his answer, and he is going to get it tonight.

Girl, you're making it hard for me

"Y/N, open up this door or I swear to God I have no problem to break it down!" he yelled as his fist bang against the door, making the wood creaks loudly. He had enough of being Mr Nice Guy. Y/N is going to give him the answers he wanted tonight whether she likes it or not. After the banging continues for almost another 15 minutes, making the neighbors around pokes their head through their door to see what's the commotion that's happening and only to be met with Namjoon's sneering, Y/N finally open the door.

Namjoon quickly steps in before Y/N have a chance to lock him out again. He only realizes what Y/N looks like after locking the door and turning around to face her. Honestly, she looks worse than he is. Her face pale and colorless, dark eye bags all over her eyes as if she hadnt have enough sleep for the last few months, eyes red and swollen, signs she too has been crying non stop and she looks so skinny, that her collarbone shows and protrudes against the loose collar of her oversized t shirt.

"Ba...baby, why are you like this? What happened to you?" Namjoon pulled her into his embraced as Y/N just stood still like a statue, submitting to his every touch. He released her after a while and peeks at her sunken face.

"Baby, please. Please tell me why you are doing this? What happened between us?" He plead. Y/N closes her eyes for a bit before opening it back to stare into his, hollow and blank.

"Why are you here Joon? I told you. I told you I dont want to do this anymore," her quiet voice that Namjoon missed so much finally filled the air.

"No. I know you dont mean that baby. Can you just tell me what's going on? Whatever it is, we will work through it. We always do,"

Y/N looks at his face as tears starts to pool at the corner of her eyes. "No. Not this time Joon. I dont deserve you. Please just go," she begged. Namjoon grab her shoulders and shake her.

"No! I'm not ever going to let go. Y/N please. My heart cant deal with this anymore. The damaged it went through for being apart from you... I cant baby,"

"Joon, you dont understand. Please..."

Namjoon shakes his head. What is Y/N talking about? Why is she saying all these things? What dont he understand?

"Then make me understand Y/N. Tell me. Show me. Explain to me. Whatever it is, as long as I dont lose you, I know I can handle it,"

Tears starts to fall more rapidly down her sunken cheeks at his words. Namjoon dont understand any of it. What has made Y/N so broken?

"Joonie... I love you," her voice is so low Namjoon had to take a step forward to actually hear her. But once he did, once the long awaited the love confession reached his ears, his broken heart soared. Hope starts to rise for him again.

"Baby. I love you too. I love you so much. There was never even a second that I have stop loving you," he gave her swift butterfly kisses all over her face. "Please tell me baby. Make me understand. Mend my broken heart that only you can fix,"

Y/N closes her eyes as her tears is no longer able to stop from spilling out. After a long paused, she finally opened her mouth

"I'm pregnant Joon. And its not yours,"

PART TWO PREVIEW

A/N: I am planning to turn this into a two shot, where the second part has nothing to do with the song, but everything to do with the story. I feel like Y/N deserve another chapter to explain what actually had happened. Give me your opinion if you think I should continue?

Namjoon held the door from letting Y/N slammed it shut on him again. He looked deep into her eyes and he is convinced that Y/N still loves him. He dont understand what is going on, and he want answers now!

"Dont you dare Y/N," he warned. "I know you didnt cheat on me. I know you are not capable of that. You love me and I can see it. Tell me what happened Y/N. Tell me and let me love you again,"

Y/N released her hold on the door and Namjoon take the opportunity to wedged himself in. She lowered her gaze as Namjoon stand in front of her and her tears rapidly fall to the floor.

"You are right Joon... I didnt cheat on you. I...I... I was..."

[blandmemoirs]

Anger

Rage, Fury, Fire, Pain, Momentum, Energy, unyielding emotion. When I am angry my mind is clear of all the torment of anxiety or doubt. I become objective driven, I become focused, I become energized. I am filled with a burning passion to move, and to never stop moving.

In days of old, my anger would manifest through methods of lashing out. Of attacking, of punching back, of inflicting pain on that which upset me. This is unproductive. To hurt another as a result of your frustration is unjustified. It doesnt make a situation better. It makes it worse. It builds further resentment between yourself and the person you are angry at. It prevents solutions. It causes more hurt. I learned this a long time ago and understand it today. I cannot swear to pacifism, but I will not resort to violence unless my safety or the safety of those I love is directly threatened.

I made a choice a few years ago to use my anger productively. If I am to become angry, I cannot lash out. I cannot hurt other people. I have to use it to be productive. Anger, like any emotion, is a flare of passion in the body and mind. It is energy, and it can be redirected in ways that dont further a cycle of violence. That is what I live to prove.

I am an angry person. I get angry, often. Its not a new development in my life. It has followed me since my childhood. Its sources are numerous. I cant attribute it to any one cause or happening. I have always been angry.

I know this because in kindergarten, I would pick fights with other children, often. Just random, chaotic violence. I enjoyed it. I liked hurting other people. Then I would go home to more violence. This time from my parents into me as discipline for my actions. My parents would belt me for more than just violence, it could come from me simply acting out. Sometimes I was spared the physical harm by recieving emotional harm from furious yelling. My parents taught me anger and violence, and their resorting to violence taught me to resort to violence. Might made right. I shouldnt put all of my problems on my parents, but they wear a substantial amount of blame for the way I learned to cope and act.

My father is an angry man. He grew up in harsh conditions with a harsh family that put him through worse than I've ever lived through. He made sure to tell me that anytime I voiced the tyranny in his actions. He resents his older brother, doesnt like his father, and has spent much of his life failing. Deep in debt from his own mistakes, bearing the blame for a fractured household and broken marriage, he is full of anger. He takes out his anger on those weaker than him. From the dogs he can kick when they bark too loud, to the children he can endlessly insult and shout at for minor transgressions. All made worse by alcoholism to cope. My father is not a bad man, but an incredibly flawed and broken one. He does make efforts to redeem and be better, but he has not yet atoned for his actions, and the marks he has left on his children will linger whether he accepts it or not.

My mother is an angry woman. Raised in a split household between parents who live irresponsibly and resent each other. She was a rebellious youth who took her own childhood away when I was conceived. A child raising a child. A lack of freedom as her life is indebted to my survival and later, two more. Dead end job to dead end job. A broken marriage and a dysfunctional family she is forced to raise with no individual progress to be attained. She resents her circumstances. She desires higher living and a fate she can control. She takes out her anger on those weaker than her. From the dogs she can hit to the children she can scream at for "negativity". All made worse by alcohol and weed. My mother is not a bad woman, she is just an incredibly flawed and broken one. A girl who became a mother too quickly. An independent soul tethered to a path of dependence. She makes efforts to be better, but often furthers a rift she created. Her anger will be remembered in the hearts of her children.

I do not know the true extent of my parents lives, I only know what I have seen, been revealed, and assumed. I know one thing for certain, they are examples of how not to grow up. The anger they live with is an anger I live with. To tame their beasts they drink and lash out, I must be better.

Which is why I cling so desperately to the example set for myself by the Incredible Hulk, my favorite character. A genius with deep emotional trauma turned into a monster fueled by rage. Dr Robert Bruce Banner must learn to live with the monster that dwells inside him. The Hulk, limitless rage personified, is a monster that does not want to hurt people, but just wants to be left alone among his friends. He is violent, but only because he recieves violence. The monster is capable of reason, of morality, of seeing through the surge of rage to know what is right and what is wrong. As such, the Hulk chooses to be a hero, to save and protect the innocent and to smash those who do evil. Bruce Banner must live with his anger, to know when it is right to let the beast out and to understand when smashing is the wrong option.

Banner has spent most of his life trying to rid himself of the Hulk, but the Hulk is not something Banner can live without. The Hulk is a part of Bruce, is a piece of his damaged psyche which will always exist. The gamma radiation only externalized these features.

Hulk also resents Banner, and wishes he could exist without him. Hulk doesn't like Banner's weak manner and conniving mind. Hulk doesn't like being locked up in a cage in the back of Banners mind. Hulk wants to be free and Hulk wants to be left alone.

These two characters are inseparable, and two sides of the same coin. Hulk is a manifestation of Banners trauma and repressed anger. Hulk is a destructive force of passion that can be directed to do good. These entities must coexist, for they need each other.

What does this have to do with me? In a less hyperbolic manner, my rage is a part of me. It does not go away. It never ends. It is a piece of my heart and mind. It is a force that makes me want to destroy all that causes harm to those I love. Anger does not cease within the chaotic storm that is my heart, it persists and waits for its time to possess me. When I am angry my body tenses, my eyes focus, my heart beats at rapid pace, my stomach churns, my body shakes. At its worst I lose sight and see nothing but flashes of red as I convulse into shivers of rage. When control of my body is returned the next moment, my mind is clear and I am energized in a way almost as potently as when I am in love. I can do almost anything. It is raw adrenaline. I move faster, harder, and with more force and precision than when I am in a normal state. I make objectives and carry them through. I become a machine fueled by limitless rage. It can almost be addicting. Sometimes I have so much force locked inside I feel an urge to scream. I often repress it for the sake of keeping attention away from myself. Anger makes me more effective in my work. Be it my actual job, my writing, or editing. I am so focused, creative forces flow, all through the red lense of rage. Sometimes I run, sometimes I drive, sometimes I channel this energy into speaking. An endless monologue or a consoling speech to a friend in need. For that is the true root to my rage. A friend in pain. When a friend is hurt, I flare up. The closer and more important my friend, the angrier I get. The angrier I get the more energy I have and the more I cant stop moving. My foot tapping, my leg bouncing, I pace. Anger does not debilitate me, it gives me more ability than I know what to do with.

It is not just that a friend is in pain, it is that I cant do anything to stop it. I can't do anything to change their cirumstance. I cannot save them from their suffering because the forces that hurt them are out of my control, out of my influence. I can only console, and console I do, even as rage paves the way of my actions.

When my anger releases its possession of me, I am left to deep introspection and concern. Did I do enough? Did I help? Did I do anything? Why was I angry? I feel rejuvenated, almost born anew. The passion has retreated to my internal self, and I am left feeling cool and calmer. Sometimes, in truly helpess circumstances, I feel empty. I was not enough. I didn't do enough. Worst, when my anger was used unproductively, I feel guilty. Knowing I was wrong and unjust. It is a betrayal to myself to use anger to harm others.

Today I was made angry at the hurt of one of the most important people in my life whom I care deeply for. Their circumstances are far beyond my powers to control, and they themself live far from me. The only thing I can do is send my love and support in the form of text or voice. It never feels like enough. My anger possesses me, and the temptation to strike out at the world that causes such endless pain for my loved ones exists. A random act of violence to atone for the wrongs done to another. That is not right. There is no justice in that. There is no good to come from it. So instead I made my objective to work harder, to make more money in my shift and to ensure my immediate environment was taken care of. I wished every coworker safe travels and good nights, I greeted and enthusiastically interacted with customers and pedestrians who gave me the time. Spreading good energy and doing good for others while powered up with this anger made for a more productive day. When the anger finally relinquished, I began typing. To explain, and to document for myself. I can do good with the frustration I feel. I can be a good man.

I understand this all very intimately now. A younger, less introspective Robbie did not. I got angry, had so much energy and power in my palms I only thought to make a fist. I would then use those fists for causes of pain and revenge, sometimes on undeserving parties. It built a guilt deep inside me that I will never forgive myself for. I can only be a better person now. Instead of making a fist I pick up a pen, or more truthfully I grab a keyboard. Words, endless words, inspired by anger and made real through my choices to funnel that rage.

I am inseparable from my anger. My anger is a part of me. I have to own it, and I have to admit to it. I cant live in fear of myself for what can happen when I lose control, as rare as such an occurence is. I have to instead use it to be productive, and clean up what messes I make with it. And I will make messes. I will hurt people. It is inevitable for an emotion as potent as anger. Sometimes the lense of rage prevents us from seeing reality as fairly as we might. Sometimes a fist is formed.

It is my responsibility and my burden to bear. I cannot blame others for my own nature. I can not allow myself to resent others for who I am. When I am made angry, instead I must find a way to resolve my conflicts and make good.

The Hulk has been saving the world for decades through his anger, and I can do the same. Its not easy. Living with yourself and accepting yourself is hard for some people who look deep into themselves enough. I used to cage this monster, to repress it. It would always free itself and come to the surface. Pent up aggression and bitterness blinds anger and creates pain. Instead, I will live with this intensity I call my anger, and I will continue to live to make it productive, for the benefit of myself and my friends.

I should not hate myself because I am angry. My anger is rooted in the love I have. There is nothing wrong with being angry unless I choose to hurt others with it. That is a choice I will not make unless the other is someone of truly abominable character.

Robbie Bland is an angry person, but he is not a bad person because of it. Make your anger productive. 'Nuff said. Thanks for reading.

[adambstingus]

A Feminist’s Guide to Critiquing Hillary Clinton

Fair warning: This blog is not going to be angry. It will not be written in all caps. There will be no vulgarity. And it probably wont go viral. I dont care.

What I do care about is the fact Ive read over 70+ articles in the past two weeks alone discussing the 2016 election and what I see is a total lack of nuance and a lot of critiques that overgeneralize or underplay the very real role gender plays when people talk about Clinton and/or any other women who dare to step into positions that for so long have only been held by men.

What I do care about is how on my Facebook feed and elsewhere, I see well meaning folks called out as sexist jerks for simply offering legitimate critiques of Clinton and what a Clinton presidency might look like.

I like nuance. I like messy. I dont like soundbites and simplicity. So, lets play the nuance game. For folks who love Clinton, realize that not every critique poised against her is based in sexism. For those who love Sanders, realize that sexism is very alive in 2016, and that you can love your candidate AND embrace the reality that politicking while female is an incredibly difficult thing to do. Imagine that. Both/and. For those who havent yet made up their minds, or dont fall into either of these categories, this is for you, too.

So, here is my attempt to create a list of productive ways to critique Hillary Clinton without being a sexist jerk.

1). Do not talk about her voice. Really. Just dont. Earlier this week (and pretty much throughout Clintons existence), weve seen pundits and others criticize her shrillness, her voice, and her masculine speaking style. Soraya Chemaly argues, Anger in a man doesnt make the world wonder out loud if his hormones have taken over his brain and rendered him an incoherent idiot who cant be trusted with Important Things. How many words for angry men are there? Ones that have the powerful and controlling cultural resonance of , and ,, ? Or, yep, . Karlyn Kohrs Campbell wrote an incredibly thoughtful piece discussing how our culture has negatively responded to Clintons inability to fit within the parameters set in terms of how one should act and speak as a woman in the political sphere. She says Clinton symbolizes the problems of public women writ large, the continuing demand that women who play public roles or function in the public sphere discursively enact their femininity, and that women who do not or who do so to only a limited degree, women whose training and personal history fit them for the roles of rhetor, lawyer, expert, and advocate, roles that are gender coded masculine, will arouse the intensely hostile responses that seem so baffling (15). Overall, what Campbell is arguing is that women in the political sphere, in order to be taken seriously, must enact just the right amount of femininity and masculinity, and that Clintons failure to be appropriately feminine has hindered her for decades.

She continues to thoughtfully lay out a masculine and feminine rhetorical style of speaking and discusses what that sounds like. In rhetorical terms, performing or enacting femininity has meant adopting a personal or self-disclosing tone (signifying nurturance, intimacy, and domesticity) and assuming a feminine persona, e.g., mother, or an ungendered persona, e.g., mediator or prophet, while speaking. It has meant preferring anecdotal evidence (reflecting womens experiential learning in contrast to mens expertise), developing ideas inductively (so the audience thinks that it, not this presumptuous woman, drew the conclusions), and appropriating strategies associated with womensuch as domestic metaphors, emotional appeals to motherhood, and the likeand avoiding such macho strategies as tough language, confrontation or direct refutation, and any appearance of debating ones opponents. Note, however, that feminine style does not preclude substantive depth and argumentative cogency (5).

Presidents Barack Obama, Ronald Reagan, and Bill Clinton use/used a feminine rhetorical style of speakingsomething which men can do and not be criticized for. Reagan was the great communicator. Both Clinton and Obama have been called some of the greatest orators in American history.

Hillary Clinton cannot perform femininity and her inability to play into this script Campbell argues reveals *our deficiencies*not Clintons. Campbell states, Our failure to appreciate the highly developed argumentative skills of an expert advocate, when the advocate is female, reveals our deficiencies, not hers. Legislation attendant on the second wave of feminism opened doors for able women who seek to exercise their skills in all areas of life, including the formation of public policy. If we reject all of those who lack the feminizing skills of Elizabeth Dole, we shall deprive ourselves of a vast array of talent (15).

2). Please dont talk about her likeability. As with the sound of her voice and her rhetorical speaking style, her likeability should have nothing to do with whether or not she would make a qualified president. Yes, I realize all candidates have to somewhat pass the likeability test, but for Clinton, because of the years long Hillary hating stemming from her time as first lady, this issue is in fact gendered, and to criticize her for not being likeable reeks of sexism. Henry Louis Gates Jr. argues, Hillary hating has become one of those national past times that unite the elite and the lumpen. Gary Wills notes, Hillary Hate is a large-scale psychic phenomenon. At the Republican convention there was a dismemberment doll on sale. For twenty dollars you could buy a rag-doll Hillary with arms and legs made to tear off and throw on the floor. .. . Talk shows are full of speculation about Hillarys purported lesbianism and drug use. Fine conspiratorial reasoning sifts whether she was Vince Fosters mistress or murderer or both. The Don Imus show plays a version of the song The Lady is a Tramp with new lyrics about the way the lady fornicates and menstruates and urinates, concluding, Thats why the First Lady is a tramp.’

As Nico Lang points out, She was a working woman and full political partner with (gasp) feminist tendencies. Among would-be first ladies in the early 1990s, these were exotic qualities. Clinton has continued to occupy thatsame space for the better part of three decades now, a one-woman culture war whoplays the political game the same way the men around her do. But unlike those men, Clinton is chided for being disingenuous and a political insider. Everyone else just gets to do their job. There are real reasons to have reservations about a Clinton presidency including her oft-cited ties to Wall Street and her hawkish foreign policy but how often are they the central force of the criticism lodged against her campaign? In an August poll, Quinnipac found that while political respondents felt that Hillary Clinton was strong and a candidate with experience, the words they most associated with her are liar, dishonest, and untrustworthy. These designations appear to be motivated by her Emailgate scandal and the ongoing questions about Benghazi but none of the myriad investigations into eitherhave turned up anything close to a smoking gun.

Rebecca Traister also notes, Recall the days following the 2008 Iowa caucus, when the media took advantage of Clintons defeat to let loose with their resentment and animosity toward her. That was when conservative Marc Rudov told Fox News that Clinton lost because When Barack Obama speaks, men hear Take off for the future! When Hillary Clinton speaks, men hear Take out the garbage! It was in the days after Iowa that Clinton infamously got asked about how voters believed her to be the most experienced and the most electable candidate but are hesitating on the likability issue. In late January, columnist Mike Barnicle told a laughing all-male panel on Morning Joe that Clintons challenge was that she looks like everyones first wife standing outside of probate court.’ In Diana B. Carlin and Kelly L. Winfreys analysis of the various ways Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton were portrayed during the 2008 campaign, they note, Women who exhibited too many masculine traits are often ridiculed and lose trust because they are going against type or play into male political stereotypes that voters are rejecting (328).

More recently, Sady Doyle argues that, This plays out on the level of personal expression, too: Women are supposedly over-emotional, whereas men make stern, logical, intelligent judgments. So, if Hillary raises her voice, gets angry, cries, or (apparently) even makes a sarcastic joke at a mans expense, she will be seen as bitchy, crazy, cruel and dangerous. (Remember the NO WONDER BILLS AFRAID headlines after she raised her voice at a Benghazi hearing; remember the mass freak-out over her emotional meltdown when someone thought she might be crying during a concession speech.) She absolutely cannot express negative emotion in public. But people have emotions, and women are supposed to have more of them than men, so if Hillary avoids them if she speaks strictly in calm, logical, detached terms, to avoid being seen as crazy we find her cold, call her robotic and calculating, and wonder why she doesnt express her feminine side. Again, shes going to be faulted for feminine weakness or lack of femininity, and both are damaging. Okay, so she can never be sad, angry, or impatient. Thats not a ban on all emotion, right? Youd think the one clear path to avoiding the bitchy or cold descriptors would be to put on a happy face, and admit to emotions only when they are positive. Youd think that, and youd be wrong: It turns out, people hate it when Hillary Clinton smiles or laughs in public. Hillary Clintons laugh gets played in attack ads; it has routinely been called a cackle (like a witch, right? Because shes old, and female, like a witch); frozen stills of Hillary laughing are routinely used to make her look crazy in conservative media. She cant be sad or angry, but she also cant be happy or amused, and she also cant refrain from expressing any of those emotions. There is literally no way out of this one. Anything she does is wrong. Given these constraints, Doyle argues it is impossible for Clinton to be likeable.

Look at how shes tried to address this issue. Dancing like a fool, talking about fashion, laughing more. What has it gotten her? Nothing but backlash.

Dave Holmes writes in , Youre not fun. Stop trying to pretend youre fun. writes an entirefaux op-ed from Clinton entitled I am Fun painting her attempt at being fun as insincere and manufactured.

In the eyes of the American public, Hillary Clinton will be fun. Or likeable. Or someone youd want to have a beer with. And it shouldnt matter. Period. So quit it with the likeability stuff, already. Its stupid and petty. I dont care if my president knows how to dance or even knows how to dress well. And you shouldnt, either.

3). Do criticize her on substantive issues. As Kevin Young & Diana C. Sierra Becerra argue, Clinton is the embodiment of corporate feminism. In their piece, they cite many areas where Clinton could have been and could still be a better advocate for womens rights. Its a fair critique but one that falls under the radar when were so concerned with her voice, appearance, and dance skills.

4). Know your history, do some research, and when criticizing, be fair. One of the claims I often hear as to why some dont trust Clinton, or why some feel shes untrustworthy is because she sat on the board of Walmart. Ok. But lets dig a little deeper. Ann Klefstad notes, Not to take anything away from Bernie and Jane, but think what an advantage this is: to build a career in a location of your choosing, with the strong support of a highly qualified and intelligent person who is unconditionally loyal to you. This was also Bill Clintons situationafter Yale, finding Hillary, heading home to Arkansas, and building a brilliant career in politics. But heywhat about Hillary? After getting a law degree from Yale (an all-male institution a few years previously) she meets Bill. She dumps her career as a congressional aide to move to Arkansas with Bill. I can imagine her dilemma. This was the 1970s. If she wanted to be with Bill, she would be riding on the ship he was captain of. There were consequences to that. She would be a partner in creating a political career that would accomplish many of the goals she wanted to accomplish. Bill very much admired her superb intellect and political skills as well. So they embarked. Theyre in Arkansas. Vermont politics have a pretty clean record. Arkansas? Not so much. You do make your own choices, but the context youre in, well, it matters. The Arkansas economy was in the toilet. The only bright star was the Walton family and Walmart, which was on track to become the biggest retailer in the world. They provided (in Arkansas) an expanding number of well-paid jobs. Bill was governor. Should Hillary have dumped his political career for a chance to spit in Sam Waltons eye? Well, that wasnt going to happen. She sat on the Walmart board and did what she could to both ensure the prosperity of the state of which her husband was governor and to do the right thing. She has almost always chosen the path (sometimes not the one youd pick) that would enable her to accomplish some good actions, rather than the pure path that tends to lead to inaction, or to exile from the power than enables you to make change.

Still dont like the fact she sat on the board? Fine. Dont like her stances on foreign policy? Totally ok. But understand the choices Clinton made in the context in which she livednot in a vacuum. This goes for all of her political choices. Never assume anything about any candidate without doing a little research first. Its amazing how much you can find out on this magical thing called the interwebs.

5). Dont assume critiques against Clinton are automatically rooted in sexism, and when calling out someone for critiquing Clinton, dont assume they, are in fact, sexist either. Take the #BernieBro label, for example. According to Glenn Greenwald, Have pro-Clinton journalists and pundits been subjected to some vile, abusive, and misogynistic rhetoric from random, anonymous internetsupporters of Sanders who are angry over their Clinton support?. Does that reflect in any way on the Sanders campaign or which candidate should win the Democratic primary? . The reason pro-Clinton journalists are targeted with vile abuse online has nothing specifically to do with the Sanders campaign or its supporters. It has everything to do with the internet. There are literally no polarizing views one can advocateonline including criticizing Democratic Party leaders such as Clinton or Barack Obama that will not subject one to a torrent of intense anger and vile abuse. Its not remotely unique to supporting Hillary Clinton: Ask Megyn Kelly about that, or the Sanders-supporting Susan Sarandon and Cornel West, or anyone with a Twitter account or blog. Ive seen online TV and film critics get hauled before vicious internet mobs for expressing unpopular views about a TV program or a movie. Amanda Hess pushes further arguing as soon as the Bernie Bro materialized, the conversation around it deteriorated. As the meme gained momentum, some popularizers stopped bothering to marshal any kind of evidence that Sanders supporters were sexist … . This is a familiar online phenomenon. Just as mansplaining morphed from a useful descriptor of a real problem in contemporary gender dynamics to an increasingly vague catchall expression, ass Benjamin Hart put it in 2014,the Bernie Bro argument has been stretched beyond recognition by both its champions and its critics.What began as a necessary critique of leftist sexism has been replaced by a pair of straw men waving their arms in the wind.

If the label applies, absolutely use it. Call out sexism and misogyny-especially if its coming from someone who claims to be progressive. However, I worry the label is being thrown around loosely and being applied to many well meaning, non-sexist male critics of Clinton. And that only silences debate. I dont want anyone to feel as though they cannot legitimately critique Clinton for fear of being called sexist, a BernieBro, or other names.

Overall, as with most of my writing, this piece was for me. Every time I read an article about Clinton or Sanders or sexism or the fight for the soul of the Democratic Party I find myself wishing for more nuance, less click-bait, and sound and civil discourse. Im tired of seeing the same soundbites repeated on my Facebook wall, seeing good friends of mine unfriend each other or worse because theyre on Team Sanders or Team Clinton and cant find common ground to have a legitimate debate about what this election is really about. In the words of my good friend Greg Wright, If you can imagine a better opportunity to demand the world we want, Id like to hear when you think it will come. When will better circumstances reveal themselves again? What political climate are you relying on to thrust the most unlikely candidate into the realm of possible? You want to know what will make this all the more likely to happen again? Demanding that it happen now.

We are at a historic moment in American history, not unlike the 2nd wave feminist movement. Gloria Steinem once said of Betty Friedan I believe that she was looking to join society as it existed, and the slightly younger parts of the movement were trying to transform society. And those were kind of two different goals. Like Friedan, I would argue that Clinton wants to work within the structure we have, while Sanders wants to transform society. He wants a revolution. In the words of Robert Reich, Ive known Hillary Clinton since she was 19 years old, and have nothing but respect for her. In my view, shes the most qualified candidate for president of the political system we now have. ButBernie Sanders is the most qualified candidate to create the political system we should have, because hes leading a political movement for change.

Sexism is real, and I love the fact that we are even talking about the ugly face of sexism in politics. However, we must be able to criticize a female candidate without resorting to sexist tactics, or be called sexist for critiquing her in the first place.

Overall, as many have pointed out, both Sanders and Clinton would be undeniably better as our next commander in chief than anyone currently running in the Republican arena. So I would caution democrats to get too entrenched within their teams that they refuse to see the bigger picture of the need to elect a Democrat in this next election. There are ways to disagree with one another that dont need to devolve into name calling or soundbite repeating. On Facebook and elsewhere, engage with those on either side in mindful and productive ways. This is an incredibly important election for so many reasons, but that doesnt mean we cant have thoughtful debates. So keep reading. Keep posting. Keep fighting for your team. Just dont embrace the ugly. Theres enough of that out there already.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/a-feminists-guide-to-critiquing-hillary-clinton/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/169872294377

[allofbeercom]

A Feminist’s Guide to Critiquing Hillary Clinton

Fair warning: This blog is not going to be angry. It will not be written in all caps. There will be no vulgarity. And it probably wont go viral. I dont care.

What I do care about is the fact Ive read over 70+ articles in the past two weeks alone discussing the 2016 election and what I see is a total lack of nuance and a lot of critiques that overgeneralize or underplay the very real role gender plays when people talk about Clinton and/or any other women who dare to step into positions that for so long have only been held by men.

What I do care about is how on my Facebook feed and elsewhere, I see well meaning folks called out as sexist jerks for simply offering legitimate critiques of Clinton and what a Clinton presidency might look like.

I like nuance. I like messy. I dont like soundbites and simplicity. So, lets play the nuance game. For folks who love Clinton, realize that not every critique poised against her is based in sexism. For those who love Sanders, realize that sexism is very alive in 2016, and that you can love your candidate AND embrace the reality that politicking while female is an incredibly difficult thing to do. Imagine that. Both/and. For those who havent yet made up their minds, or dont fall into either of these categories, this is for you, too.

So, here is my attempt to create a list of productive ways to critique Hillary Clinton without being a sexist jerk.

1). Do not talk about her voice. Really. Just dont. Earlier this week (and pretty much throughout Clintons existence), weve seen pundits and others criticize her shrillness, her voice, and her masculine speaking style. Soraya Chemaly argues, Anger in a man doesnt make the world wonder out loud if his hormones have taken over his brain and rendered him an incoherent idiot who cant be trusted with Important Things. How many words for angry men are there? Ones that have the powerful and controlling cultural resonance of , and ,, ? Or, yep, . Karlyn Kohrs Campbell wrote an incredibly thoughtful piece discussing how our culture has negatively responded to Clintons inability to fit within the parameters set in terms of how one should act and speak as a woman in the political sphere. She says Clinton symbolizes the problems of public women writ large, the continuing demand that women who play public roles or function in the public sphere discursively enact their femininity, and that women who do not or who do so to only a limited degree, women whose training and personal history fit them for the roles of rhetor, lawyer, expert, and advocate, roles that are gender coded masculine, will arouse the intensely hostile responses that seem so baffling (15). Overall, what Campbell is arguing is that women in the political sphere, in order to be taken seriously, must enact just the right amount of femininity and masculinity, and that Clintons failure to be appropriately feminine has hindered her for decades.

She continues to thoughtfully lay out a masculine and feminine rhetorical style of speaking and discusses what that sounds like. In rhetorical terms, performing or enacting femininity has meant adopting a personal or self-disclosing tone (signifying nurturance, intimacy, and domesticity) and assuming a feminine persona, e.g., mother, or an ungendered persona, e.g., mediator or prophet, while speaking. It has meant preferring anecdotal evidence (reflecting womens experiential learning in contrast to mens expertise), developing ideas inductively (so the audience thinks that it, not this presumptuous woman, drew the conclusions), and appropriating strategies associated with womensuch as domestic metaphors, emotional appeals to motherhood, and the likeand avoiding such macho strategies as tough language, confrontation or direct refutation, and any appearance of debating ones opponents. Note, however, that feminine style does not preclude substantive depth and argumentative cogency (5).

Presidents Barack Obama, Ronald Reagan, and Bill Clinton use/used a feminine rhetorical style of speakingsomething which men can do and not be criticized for. Reagan was the great communicator. Both Clinton and Obama have been called some of the greatest orators in American history.

Hillary Clinton cannot perform femininity and her inability to play into this script Campbell argues reveals *our deficiencies*not Clintons. Campbell states, Our failure to appreciate the highly developed argumentative skills of an expert advocate, when the advocate is female, reveals our deficiencies, not hers. Legislation attendant on the second wave of feminism opened doors for able women who seek to exercise their skills in all areas of life, including the formation of public policy. If we reject all of those who lack the feminizing skills of Elizabeth Dole, we shall deprive ourselves of a vast array of talent (15).

2). Please dont talk about her likeability. As with the sound of her voice and her rhetorical speaking style, her likeability should have nothing to do with whether or not she would make a qualified president. Yes, I realize all candidates have to somewhat pass the likeability test, but for Clinton, because of the years long Hillary hating stemming from her time as first lady, this issue is in fact gendered, and to criticize her for not being likeable reeks of sexism. Henry Louis Gates Jr. argues, Hillary hating has become one of those national past times that unite the elite and the lumpen. Gary Wills notes, Hillary Hate is a large-scale psychic phenomenon. At the Republican convention there was a dismemberment doll on sale. For twenty dollars you could buy a rag-doll Hillary with arms and legs made to tear off and throw on the floor. .. . Talk shows are full of speculation about Hillarys purported lesbianism and drug use. Fine conspiratorial reasoning sifts whether she was Vince Fosters mistress or murderer or both. The Don Imus show plays a version of the song The Lady is a Tramp with new lyrics about the way the lady fornicates and menstruates and urinates, concluding, Thats why the First Lady is a tramp.’

As Nico Lang points out, She was a working woman and full political partner with (gasp) feminist tendencies. Among would-be first ladies in the early 1990s, these were exotic qualities. Clinton has continued to occupy thatsame space for the better part of three decades now, a one-woman culture war whoplays the political game the same way the men around her do. But unlike those men, Clinton is chided for being disingenuous and a political insider. Everyone else just gets to do their job. There are real reasons to have reservations about a Clinton presidency including her oft-cited ties to Wall Street and her hawkish foreign policy but how often are they the central force of the criticism lodged against her campaign? In an August poll, Quinnipac found that while political respondents felt that Hillary Clinton was strong and a candidate with experience, the words they most associated with her are liar, dishonest, and untrustworthy. These designations appear to be motivated by her Emailgate scandal and the ongoing questions about Benghazi but none of the myriad investigations into eitherhave turned up anything close to a smoking gun.

Rebecca Traister also notes, Recall the days following the 2008 Iowa caucus, when the media took advantage of Clintons defeat to let loose with their resentment and animosity toward her. That was when conservative Marc Rudov told Fox News that Clinton lost because When Barack Obama speaks, men hear Take off for the future! When Hillary Clinton speaks, men hear Take out the garbage! It was in the days after Iowa that Clinton infamously got asked about how voters believed her to be the most experienced and the most electable candidate but are hesitating on the likability issue. In late January, columnist Mike Barnicle told a laughing all-male panel on Morning Joe that Clintons challenge was that she looks like everyones first wife standing outside of probate court.’ In Diana B. Carlin and Kelly L. Winfreys analysis of the various ways Sarah Palin and Hillary Clinton were portrayed during the 2008 campaign, they note, Women who exhibited too many masculine traits are often ridiculed and lose trust because they are going against type or play into male political stereotypes that voters are rejecting (328).

More recently, Sady Doyle argues that, This plays out on the level of personal expression, too: Women are supposedly over-emotional, whereas men make stern, logical, intelligent judgments. So, if Hillary raises her voice, gets angry, cries, or (apparently) even makes a sarcastic joke at a mans expense, she will be seen as bitchy, crazy, cruel and dangerous. (Remember the NO WONDER BILLS AFRAID headlines after she raised her voice at a Benghazi hearing; remember the mass freak-out over her emotional meltdown when someone thought she might be crying during a concession speech.) She absolutely cannot express negative emotion in public. But people have emotions, and women are supposed to have more of them than men, so if Hillary avoids them if she speaks strictly in calm, logical, detached terms, to avoid being seen as crazy we find her cold, call her robotic and calculating, and wonder why she doesnt express her feminine side. Again, shes going to be faulted for feminine weakness or lack of femininity, and both are damaging. Okay, so she can never be sad, angry, or impatient. Thats not a ban on all emotion, right? Youd think the one clear path to avoiding the bitchy or cold descriptors would be to put on a happy face, and admit to emotions only when they are positive. Youd think that, and youd be wrong: It turns out, people hate it when Hillary Clinton smiles or laughs in public. Hillary Clintons laugh gets played in attack ads; it has routinely been called a cackle (like a witch, right? Because shes old, and female, like a witch); frozen stills of Hillary laughing are routinely used to make her look crazy in conservative media. She cant be sad or angry, but she also cant be happy or amused, and she also cant refrain from expressing any of those emotions. There is literally no way out of this one. Anything she does is wrong. Given these constraints, Doyle argues it is impossible for Clinton to be likeable.

Look at how shes tried to address this issue. Dancing like a fool, talking about fashion, laughing more. What has it gotten her? Nothing but backlash.

Dave Holmes writes in , Youre not fun. Stop trying to pretend youre fun. writes an entirefaux op-ed from Clinton entitled I am Fun painting her attempt at being fun as insincere and manufactured.

In the eyes of the American public, Hillary Clinton will be fun. Or likeable. Or someone youd want to have a beer with. And it shouldnt matter. Period. So quit it with the likeability stuff, already. Its stupid and petty. I dont care if my president knows how to dance or even knows how to dress well. And you shouldnt, either.

3). Do criticize her on substantive issues. As Kevin Young & Diana C. Sierra Becerra argue, Clinton is the embodiment of corporate feminism. In their piece, they cite many areas where Clinton could have been and could still be a better advocate for womens rights. Its a fair critique but one that falls under the radar when were so concerned with her voice, appearance, and dance skills.

4). Know your history, do some research, and when criticizing, be fair. One of the claims I often hear as to why some dont trust Clinton, or why some feel shes untrustworthy is because she sat on the board of Walmart. Ok. But lets dig a little deeper. Ann Klefstad notes, Not to take anything away from Bernie and Jane, but think what an advantage this is: to build a career in a location of your choosing, with the strong support of a highly qualified and intelligent person who is unconditionally loyal to you. This was also Bill Clintons situationafter Yale, finding Hillary, heading home to Arkansas, and building a brilliant career in politics. But heywhat about Hillary? After getting a law degree from Yale (an all-male institution a few years previously) she meets Bill. She dumps her career as a congressional aide to move to Arkansas with Bill. I can imagine her dilemma. This was the 1970s. If she wanted to be with Bill, she would be riding on the ship he was captain of. There were consequences to that. She would be a partner in creating a political career that would accomplish many of the goals she wanted to accomplish. Bill very much admired her superb intellect and political skills as well. So they embarked. Theyre in Arkansas. Vermont politics have a pretty clean record. Arkansas? Not so much. You do make your own choices, but the context youre in, well, it matters. The Arkansas economy was in the toilet. The only bright star was the Walton family and Walmart, which was on track to become the biggest retailer in the world. They provided (in Arkansas) an expanding number of well-paid jobs. Bill was governor. Should Hillary have dumped his political career for a chance to spit in Sam Waltons eye? Well, that wasnt going to happen. She sat on the Walmart board and did what she could to both ensure the prosperity of the state of which her husband was governor and to do the right thing. She has almost always chosen the path (sometimes not the one youd pick) that would enable her to accomplish some good actions, rather than the pure path that tends to lead to inaction, or to exile from the power than enables you to make change.

Still dont like the fact she sat on the board? Fine. Dont like her stances on foreign policy? Totally ok. But understand the choices Clinton made in the context in which she livednot in a vacuum. This goes for all of her political choices. Never assume anything about any candidate without doing a little research first. Its amazing how much you can find out on this magical thing called the interwebs.

5). Dont assume critiques against Clinton are automatically rooted in sexism, and when calling out someone for critiquing Clinton, dont assume they, are in fact, sexist either. Take the #BernieBro label, for example. According to Glenn Greenwald, Have pro-Clinton journalists and pundits been subjected to some vile, abusive, and misogynistic rhetoric from random, anonymous internetsupporters of Sanders who are angry over their Clinton support?. Does that reflect in any way on the Sanders campaign or which candidate should win the Democratic primary? . The reason pro-Clinton journalists are targeted with vile abuse online has nothing specifically to do with the Sanders campaign or its supporters. It has everything to do with the internet. There are literally no polarizing views one can advocateonline including criticizing Democratic Party leaders such as Clinton or Barack Obama that will not subject one to a torrent of intense anger and vile abuse. Its not remotely unique to supporting Hillary Clinton: Ask Megyn Kelly about that, or the Sanders-supporting Susan Sarandon and Cornel West, or anyone with a Twitter account or blog. Ive seen online TV and film critics get hauled before vicious internet mobs for expressing unpopular views about a TV program or a movie. Amanda Hess pushes further arguing as soon as the Bernie Bro materialized, the conversation around it deteriorated. As the meme gained momentum, some popularizers stopped bothering to marshal any kind of evidence that Sanders supporters were sexist . . . . This is a familiar online phenomenon. Just as mansplaining morphed from a useful descriptor of a real problem in contemporary gender dynamics to an increasingly vague catchall expression, ass Benjamin Hart put it in 2014,the Bernie Bro argument has been stretched beyond recognition by both its champions and its critics.What began as a necessary critique of leftist sexism has been replaced by a pair of straw men waving their arms in the wind.

If the label applies, absolutely use it. Call out sexism and misogyny-especially if its coming from someone who claims to be progressive. However, I worry the label is being thrown around loosely and being applied to many well meaning, non-sexist male critics of Clinton. And that only silences debate. I dont want anyone to feel as though they cannot legitimately critique Clinton for fear of being called sexist, a BernieBro, or other names.

Overall, as with most of my writing, this piece was for me. Every time I read an article about Clinton or Sanders or sexism or the fight for the soul of the Democratic Party I find myself wishing for more nuance, less click-bait, and sound and civil discourse. Im tired of seeing the same soundbites repeated on my Facebook wall, seeing good friends of mine unfriend each other or worse because theyre on Team Sanders or Team Clinton and cant find common ground to have a legitimate debate about what this election is really about. In the words of my good friend Greg Wright, If you can imagine a better opportunity to demand the world we want, Id like to hear when you think it will come. When will better circumstances reveal themselves again? What political climate are you relying on to thrust the most unlikely candidate into the realm of possible? You want to know what will make this all the more likely to happen again? Demanding that it happen now.

We are at a historic moment in American history, not unlike the 2nd wave feminist movement. Gloria Steinem once said of Betty Friedan I believe that she was looking to join society as it existed, and the slightly younger parts of the movement were trying to transform society. And those were kind of two different goals. Like Friedan, I would argue that Clinton wants to work within the structure we have, while Sanders wants to transform society. He wants a revolution. In the words of Robert Reich, Ive known Hillary Clinton since she was 19 years old, and have nothing but respect for her. In my view, shes the most qualified candidate for president of the political system we now have. ButBernie Sanders is the most qualified candidate to create the political system we should have, because hes leading a political movement for change.

Sexism is real, and I love the fact that we are even talking about the ugly face of sexism in politics. However, we must be able to criticize a female candidate without resorting to sexist tactics, or be called sexist for critiquing her in the first place.

Overall, as many have pointed out, both Sanders and Clinton would be undeniably better as our next commander in chief than anyone currently running in the Republican arena. So I would caution democrats to get too entrenched within their teams that they refuse to see the bigger picture of the need to elect a Democrat in this next election. There are ways to disagree with one another that dont need to devolve into name calling or soundbite repeating. On Facebook and elsewhere, engage with those on either side in mindful and productive ways. This is an incredibly important election for so many reasons, but that doesnt mean we cant have thoughtful debates. So keep reading. Keep posting. Keep fighting for your team. Just dont embrace the ugly. Theres enough of that out there already.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/a-feminists-guide-to-critiquing-hillary-clinton/