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mysterious-moonstruck-musings · 9 months

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Destiny & Deliverance: Chapter 28

Destiny & Deliverance Masterlist ||| Main Masterlist Dieter Bravo X OFC

Series Summary: Natalia Cohen is experiencing major life changes, beginning with leaving an emotionally abusive husband. She is learning how to navigate life on her own while dealing with high functioning anxiety, depression, and mild PTSD. Everything is looking up for her. She is a highly respected consultant for a major LA firm, has her best friend, Lauren, by her side, and is on her path to healing. Everything changes when she meets a handsome and broken stranger on a work trip. He turns out to be a well-known actor, with a heart-breaking past. They quickly develop a connection that will forever alter their lives.

Warnings: Themes dealing with mental health, emotional trauma, alcohol use, and discussions about suicide. There will be fluff, tears, spicy language, and smut. This will be a slow burn type of story. Read at your own risk.

Chapter Warnings: Smutty stuff.

Chapter Quote: “Oh, you know me…I’m really good at operations management. Just working through things to figure out the most efficient process for peak outcomes.”

As I sat in the lobby waiting for Dieter to change into the clothes I had brought for him and complete the discharge process, I could feel my anxiety flaring. He and I hadn’t spent any length of time alone together since he was filming in Canada, and everything felt different now. We had made it clear to each other that we wanted to be together and make this work, but we knew there was going to be some initial awkwardness to get through. We had briefly discussed it with Dr. Rosenberg, but talking about it and experiencing it were two different things. I could already feel the hum of anticipation vibrating throughout my body, but I also still had a deep seeded fear that he was going to change his mind and realize he didn’t have feelings for me any longer.

Dieter soon emerged from the double security doors that led to the back. He was in a dark gray t-shirt, medium wash jeans that were slung low over his slightly trimmer waist, and sneakers. His shirt was working double time as it stretched across his much broader shoulders and chest. He had spent a lot of his down time exercising and it showed. His hair was still a curly mess, but it looked like he had tried to tame it back some. He had his tote bag stuffed with the small number of personal items slung over his shoulder.

Several staff members followed to give their goodbyes and see him off, Dr. Rosenberg and Sharon included. Sharon gave him a teary smile and hug as Dr. Rosenberg walked over to check in with me. I stood from my seat as she approached. I knew as soon as she grabbed my hand and squeezed it, that she could sense my nervousness.

“You doing ok?” She asked quietly with a concerned look on her face. I nodded, giving her a tight-lipped smile.

“Yeah, I’m good. Just a little anxious.” She squeezed my hand again.

“He is too. Just remember to talk through it and you’ll both be fine.”

I inhaled deeply, letting it out slowly before I nodded.

Once Dieter was finished with his goodbyes, he timidly made his way over to me with his hands clenching and unclenching into fists. He leaned in to give me a tight hug, reluctantly pulling away with a small smile. I reached down and grabbed his hand, threading our fingers together as I met his eyes.

“You ready?”

His eyebrows shot up as his eyes widened, “Yeah…I think so.”

We held each other’s gaze for a moment, the reality of the situation finally setting in. I could see several emotions playing across his face and could feel mine bubbling to the surface, threatening to spill out. I was suddenly aware of all of the eyes on us. Somehow, I managed to push my feelings aside as we waved to everyone and headed toward the exit.

Once we were outside, away from curious onlookers, I couldn’t hold it back anymore. By the time we reached the car, the flood gates opened, and my legs suddenly felt weak. I leaned against the hood of the rental to catch myself. Dieter quickly pulled me into a tight hug, cupping the back of my head and burying his face into the top of my hair. Both of us stood there, sobbing into our embrace and saying nothing as we allowed the waves of emotion overtake us. It was too much all at once. I felt thankful that he was still with us, relieved that he was healthy, happy he was finally coming home, nervous about how things were going to go, and excited about the possibilities. I somewhat composed myself and tried to verbalize my feelings to him, wanting him to know it was happy tears. He started to shake his head against mine as I mumbled into his neck, “It’s ok. I understand. I’m right there with you. It’s…a lot.”

He pulled back, looking at me with his tear-streaked face, reaching to wipe away the dampness from my cheeks with his thumbs, “If it makes you feel better, I got emotional about putting on a pair of jeans for the first time in three months. So, I get the overwhelmed feeling.”

We both chuckled, lightening the mood somewhat. I leaned my forehead against his chest as I grasped onto his biceps, squeezing to make sure he was really there, “It just felt like this day was never gonna come. It almost seems surreal.”

His rough hands slid up my arms as he kissed the top of my head, “Let’s get outta here before they change their mind about letting me leave.”

I raised my head, meeting his gaze. He seemed like he was holding back as he pushed my hair behind my ear, giving a small smile before turning to open the driver side door for me. After I got inside, he shut the door and hurried around to get into the passenger seat. As he was getting settled, I reached into the back and grabbed his tablet and handed it to him.

“Entertainment for the ride, if you need it. I also have your hat and sunglasses.”

He smiled, sliding the tablet between the seats, “I figured I’d just hang my head out the window the whole way and enjoy my freedom.”

I snorted, “I’m not sure you’ll wanna deal with the skin problems that would result from that.”

He laughed. I noticed he started to reach his hand toward mine but diverted to rub at his thigh instead. He suddenly seemed unsure of himself as he looked ahead out the window, a deep crease forming between his brows.

I figured he was most likely feeling overwhelmed and tried not to think too much about it as I started the car and made my way toward the interstate exit.

We drove in silence for a while. Every time I glanced in Dieter's direction, he was attentively watching the sights pass by, seeing them for the first time. I could tell the wheels in his head were spinning. I imagined this was a lot to take in after being in a facility for three months and hoped it wasn’t too much for him.

“You were good with driving back, right? I just assumed…”

He turned to look at me, pausing briefly to process my words. He had clearly been deep in thought, “Definitely. I’m not ready to deal with an onslaught of people at the airport. Or paparazzi. They’re always hanging out there…and I’m not sure if I can handle the questions. I need to talk to Elaine. I’m not sure how to answer…things. I know there are rumors about me being in rehab.”

I gave him a tight smile. I wasn’t sure how much he knew about the rumor mill. I knew he had talked to Ty some, but we hadn’t discussed anything related to his work much since it wasn’t the focus of our sessions.

“Are you worried about work stuff?”

He sighed, “Yes…and no. It’s gonna be a lot to deal with and catch up on. A lot of rearranging…maybe even dropping some projects. I’m not trying to rush back into things full steam either, so whatever happens, happens.”

He started rubbing at the top of his thighs with both hands.

“I don’t think I’ve even told you…Rylee quit after filming ended.”

I looked over at him, confused, but also not surprised. I reached over to grab his hand and gave it a squeeze. The topic seemed to cause him some distress, so I didn’t let go. Instead, I laced our fingers together. He stared at our entwined hands for a moment before he spoke again.

“I was such a dick to her even though she was just trying to keep me outta trouble. I don’t blame her for quitting. I would’ve too.”

He sighed heavily as he turned to peer out the window. Eventually speaking up again without looking in my direction.

“Do you think she’ll forgive me and come back to work?” He asked quietly as he rubbed at his scruffy chin with his free hand.

“I think if you’re honest with her and tell her what was going on…she might.”

He pinched his brows together, “Yeah, maybe…and apologize…or grovel at her feet…”

He briefly laughed to himself. After a few minutes of contemplative silence, he spoke up again, “I’m also thinking about letting Ty go. I’m not sure how much I trust him anymore…I don’t feel like he has my best interest in mind...and I need people on my team that are gonna be supportive…and not…whatever he is.”

“You know…you don’t have to get all of this stuff figured out immediately, right? There’s no rush.”

He finally turned to look at me, his brows drawn together as he pursed his lips in thought.

“I know. That’s just two things that’ve been on my mind. The rest of it…I’m just gonna go with the flow and not stress about it. There are people that will figure that shit out for me. I was just curious about your thoughts.”

“Well, you know I like Rylee. Hopefully she’ll come back…and if you want me to talk with her, I can. As far as Ty goes, I’ve really only had one interaction with him. So, I’m not sure I can have an opinion on that, but I’ll support whatever decision you come to.”

I glanced in his direction with a smirk, “He was a dick though…”

Dieter snorted, nodding in agreement.

Once we reached the halfway mark of our trip, we stopped for food. Dieter really wanted a greasy burger from a fast food place just to make up for the last three months of eating “healthy shit”. He felt like he deserved a cheat day. So, we went to the first drive-thru we saw and ate in the parking lot. From the way he ate, you would think they had starved him to death.

I smiled at him, “Ya know, you’re probably gonna regret that later.”

He took a quick drink, shaking his head, “I don’t even fucking care. Worth it. Get me some tums and I’ll survive.”

He shoved a few more fries in his mouth before he looked at me with a lopsided grin. I finished my meal and wiped my face with a napkin as I turned toward him.

“So…we really haven’t talked about it…but where do you wanna stay?”

He knitted his brows together as a look of confusion and panic crossed his face. He visibly tensed, “I thought I was staying with you?”

My eyes widened as I realized how my question sounded, “You are. I just mean…would you rather for us to stay at your place or mine? Together.”

He immediately relaxed, “Geez, don’t give me a heart attack like that. I’m too nervous about being alone as it is.”

I reached over and rubbed his arm, giving him a tight lipped smile, “Sorry. I should have worded that better.”

He stared at the half-eaten burger in his hand, picking at it as spoke, “Honestly, I’m not sure how I’m gonna feel being back at my place. It makes me anxious to think about it after what happened.”

I nodded, “That’s understandable. We can stay at my place then. We do need to stop by and get some of your things though. I’ve not been back there long enough to do that.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, I guess I do need clothes, huh.”

After he finished eating, we got back on the road. By the time we were turning onto his street, it was late in the evening, and we were both stiff and tired from the drive. We had planned to grab what he would need for a couple of days and return for the rest later.

As we walked toward the front door, I noticed he was wringing his hands together and his face looked tense. After keying in, he walked in behind me, stopping in the middle of the living room to look around.

He had a mix of confusion and anxiety on his face, “Who cleaned?”

I walked over to him, placing my hand on his shoulder for comfort, “I did.”

His eyes turned glassy as he surveyed the area, “Everything?”

I cleared my throat as I felt a lump form, “Yeah…I ugh…fixed the drywall damage in the bedroom too and had the broken furniture hauled off. Technically, all you have for a bed right now is mattresses on the floor.”

I laughed dismissively as he turned to look at me, “You know, you didn’t have to do any of that.”

I met his eyes, fighting back my own tears, “I know. I just didn’t want you coming home to that. It was the last thing you needed to worry about.”

He pulled me into a tight embrace, “Thank you. For everything. I know I’ve said it a lot already, but I don’t deserve you.”

I sighed, leaning back to meet his gaze, “Stop saying that. You do too.”

He nodded, turning away from me as he wiped at his face. He took another moment to look around, shaking his head slightly.

“Alright, let’s…umm…get this done. Being here is making my chest hurt.”

“You sure it's not from that greasy ass burger you ate?”

He squeezed his eyes shut and snorted out a laugh. When he looked back at me, I could tell that helped him relax some, “You might be right.”

We worked in silence as we gathered his things. He was entirely focused on the task at hand, obviously trying not to think of other things. It took no time at all between the two of us and soon we were loading his duffle and backpack into the car to head over to my place.

We grabbed our bags from the trunk before heading inside. As I moved toward the bedroom, I noticed he had stopped just inside the living room, seeming unsure of himself.

I quirked an eyebrow in his direction, “Something wrong?”

He laughed nervously, “Umm, where do you want me to put my stuff?”

I tilted my head, confused by his question, “In the bedroom…”

He shifted the bags on his shoulders awkwardly, “Sorry…I just didn’t wanna assume and make you uncomfortable…”

I couldn’t help smiling at him. He was always thinking about my feelings, and I appreciated that more than he would ever know.

“I’ll work on making some space in the closet for you. I don’t want you living out of a bag anymore while you’re home.”

The cheesiest smile slid across his face as he took in my words. When I turned to continue toward the bedroom, he followed.

He stood digging through his bag that was perched on the edge of the bed as I approached him from behind, snaking my hands under his arms to rest on his chest and leaning my forehead between his shoulder blades. He tensed slightly before relaxing into the embrace and grabbing hold of one of my hands, rubbing it gently with his thumb.

“I can’t believe you’re here. I’m almost afraid I’m gonna wake up and realize it’s a dream.”

He pulled my hand up to his mouth and kissed my fingertips, “I’m not going anywhere, mi estrella.”

I took a minute to inhale his scent before kissing the back of his neck.

“I think I’m gonna go shower.”

He paused his movements, looking down toward his bag, “I’m probably gonna journal for a while. I’ve been doing that in the evenings before I go to sleep…to wind down.”

I reached up to rub the hair at the nape of his neck as I moved to his side, looking up at him. He gave me a tight-lipped smile before he started to dig through his bag again, not meeting my eyes. I felt like he was suddenly putting up a wall. He had a long day, so I tried to not let it bother me too much as I headed toward the bathroom.

After showering and towel drying my hair, I made my way back to the bedroom. To my surprise, Dieter was on his side of the bed and appeared to be asleep. This was certainly not how I saw the evening ending. I sighed, making my way over to my side to get settled in, moving carefully so as not to disturb him. I laid there staring at the ceiling, trying to ignore my intrusive thoughts as I listened to his steady breathing. I was concerned that he was already regretting his decision. However, the rational side of my brain kept reminding me that he would need time to adjust. I eventually managed to fall into a restless sleep.

When I awoke the next morning, Dieter was already up. I wasn’t surprised given his previous schedule the last three months at Sanctuary Hills, but I had to admit that I was a little disappointed. I really wanted to wake up with him. I took a moment to stretch before sitting up to reach for my phone on the nightstand. I immediately noticed the open journal beside my phone. It was ours, the one we had both been writing in. I grabbed for it instead, closing it slightly with my finger still marking the page. I had a sinking feeling, suddenly worried it was a goodbye letter or something else equally distressing. I took a steadying breath as I leaned back against the headboard and opened it. My breath caught in my throat once I saw what was on the pages.

On the left side, was a rough pencil sketch of me sleeping. On the right, a journal entry from today.

This is the picture I’ve had in my mind since you left Canada…beautiful and at peace. While you were there, I stayed awake and watched you sleep for hours, trying to memorize everything I could. It’s what kept me going all this time even though I felt like I could never get the details right. Seeing you sleeping this morning made me realize my memory could never do you justice. I was naive for thinking otherwise and for trying. Today I woke up feeling whole. I can’t remember the last time I felt that. Thank you for making it possible. For the first time in my life, I’m actually excited about the future, and I can’t wait to spend it with you. D.

I could feel my heart clench in my chest. Any doubts I was having were now shattered by his words. We just needed to find our rhythm and he needed time to decompress.

After reading his journal entry a couple more times, I finally crawled out of bed. It was a little chilly, so I threw on my robe and tied it shut as I made my way toward the kitchen. As soon as I walked out of the bedroom, I could smell food cooking. I couldn’t help smiling to myself as I rounded the corner and found Dieter standing in front of the stove in nothing but gym shorts, cursing and jerking his hand back as the bacon grease popped at him. I took a minute to admire the lean muscles of his back, and how they flexed as he moved. He looked so fucking good.

I padded over and hugged him from behind, laying my cheek against his bare back. He rubbed one hand up my arm as he turned his head toward me to say good morning. I nuzzled my nose into the back of his neck and inhaled his scent before responding.

“Thank you for the note this morning. I needed that.”

Sensing the sullen undertone to my words, he turned to face me, letting one hand settle on my hip while the other reached to stroke my hair away from my face as he held my gaze.

His brows pinched together, “Is something wrong?”

I gave him a weak smile, “No, nothing now. I was just feeling a little insecure yesterday. I thought maybe you were shutting me out or holding back a little…But I realize you need time to adjust. It’s not a big deal. It’s just me being in my head.”

He sighed, pulling me against his chest, “I’m sorry. You’re not wrong. We probably should have talked about this in a little more detail…”

I felt my heart rate spike as the anxiety kicked in. That was not the response I expected. I pulled back, trying to keep my face neutral as I looked up at him. However, based on his panicked expression, I clearly wasn’t doing a good job of it. He rubbed at his face with one hand, shaking his head.

“Fuck. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded…I was…holding back some…but only because I didn’t want you to feel pressured to immediately pick up where we left off. In case you needed some time or…wanted to take things slow. I was just gonna try to follow your lead, ya know what I mean?”

I could feel the tension leave my body as he spoke. I smiled up at him, nodding in understanding, “I appreciate that you took that under consideration, but I can assure you that it’s not necessary. I said I was all in for this and that means everything that comes with it. If you wanna hold my hand, kiss me, or anything else, just fucking do it. You can trust that I’ll tell you if you’re doing something that makes me uncomfortable.”

He visibly relaxed some, smiling as he placed both hands on my hips and pulled me against his body. He nuzzled his nose against my ear, speaking quietly, “I’m sorry. I should’ve just brought it up yesterday. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way.”

I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, fingertips twisting in the soft curls at the nap of his neck, “It’s ok. We’ve just gotta make sure we’re communicating about everything so there aren’t any misunderstandings. Ok?”

He nodded as he leaned his head against mine. I closed the space between us, gently taking his plump bottom lip between mine. I could feel his grip on my hips tighten slightly as the kiss deepened. I pulled away, breathlessly glancing over his shoulder, “Your bacon is burning.”

His eyes widened as he quickly turned toward the stove, “Fuuuck.”

Just as I started to laugh at him, the doorbell rang.

“You expecting anyone?” I asked, surprised that someone would be here this early. He shook his head as he moved to get the bacon out of the pan.

“Huh…me neither. I’ll get it.”

As I passed into the living room, the doorbell started to ring again. Clearly someone was impatient this morning. When I opened the door, I found one of the absolute last people that I expected standing there with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face.

“What the hell are you doing here?” I asked in disbelief.

She rolled her eyes, “Ty told me that Dieter is back and that he’s staying with you.”

“Did Ty give you my address too?” That guy was starting to get on my nerves now.

“Yes, because I want to see him.”

I scoffed, “You’ve got a lot of nerve showing up like this. I’m pretty sure Gabby told you that he didn’t wanna see you.”

She sneered, “Like I’m going to believe anything she says. If he doesn’t want to see me anymore, I want to hear it from his mouth.”

I felt the door push open further as Dieter came to stand behind me. I could sense how tense he was from his close proximity to my backside and his sudden and firm grip around my waist. His voice was low and full of frustration when he spoke up.

“What're you doing here, Anna?”

She seemed taken aback by his tone and appearance, staring at him wide-eyed for a moment before responding.

“Ty said you were back from treatment. I wanted to see how you’re doing.”

Dieter scoffed, “Of course he did. Did he tell you what kind of treatment too?”

Anna shook her head, “No. I didn’t ask. I just assumed it was rehab given what happened.”

Dieter moved forward to stand beside me in the doorway. One arm stayed around my waist while the other rested on his hip.

“Rehab…of course. That is the rumor, right?”

Anna's eyes widened in surprise to his response, like she didn’t know what he was talking about.

Dieter continued, “I wasn’t in rehab. I was in a mental health facility.”

She had the nerve to look concerned, “What? Why? Are you ok? Did SHE con you into doing that?”

I was the one with the scowl on my face now. I glanced up at Dieter, I could see the muscles in his jaw tightening.

“She had nothing to do with it. In fact, the hospital was gonna make me go if I didn’t do it myself. It actually wasn’t a bad thing…I learned a lot about myself and I’m a lot better now. Happy even. It might do you some good to give it a try.”

Anna’s eyes flashed with anger, “Excuse me?”

Dieter chewed on the inside of his cheek, fighting back a smile before he continued, “Given my diagnosis, it’s important that I manage my stress levels, which means cutting the problem people out of my life. That includes you. I don’t need your drama…negative influence…or lack of support. So…this is me telling you that we’re done. For good this time.”

Anna’s nostrils flared as she took in his words, “So what, she comes crawling back and suddenly I’m the problem again?

Dieter shook his head, “You know that’s not how it went down. I told you to fuck off before all this other stuff happened because you wouldn’t stop running your mouth and pushing me to do things…and I’m not stupid. I know you’ve been leaking shit to the tabloids.”

This was new information to me. I couldn’t say I was surprised by it. I was actually proud of him for having the sense to cut her off before now. I gave Anna a smug look. She knew she shouldn’t be here.

“You know I would never do that to you. How do you know she’s not the one leaking stuff? You really think this is gonna work out between you two this time? You already got rid of her once. You know she’s fucking with your head. Why are you allowing it to happen? You deserve better.”

Dieter inhaled deeply, pursing his lips as he eyed her. He shook his head slightly, stepping toward her, “Not that I need to explain any of this to you, but I think you need to hear it…I’m in love with her. She’s an amazing person with a good heart. I’m never leaving her again. It should have never happened the first time.”

He paused briefly, watching the fight leave her as her shoulders slumped at his words. He continued in a calm voice, “Ya know, this is exactly what I’m talking about…I’m not dealing with your toxic, mind fuck shit anymore. You need to leave. Don’t come back. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. We’re done. You understand? Is that clear enough for you?”

Anna was staring at the ground now, unable to look at him as she nodded in understanding. She gave me one last look of contempt as she slowly turned to leave.

Dieter moved to close the door, immediately turning to pull me into a hug, “I’m sorry you had to deal with that. Don’t let what she said bother you. She’s just trying to manipulate me like she always does.”

I leaned back to look up at him, “I don’t care about anything she says to me. It’s fine, I can take it. Are you ok though?”

He let out a measured breath as he rubbed up and down my arms, “Surprisingly…yes. Nothing she says matters to me anymore. She’s not worth the energy to be upset about it.”

My eyebrows arched upward, “I didn’t realize you two had a falling out…”

“Yeah…she kept saying she was tired of me being down and not partying with them, so she was pushing drugs and women at me constantly. When I said I wasn’t interested she would get mad and start running her mouth. I just got tired of it.”

I narrowed my eyes at him playfully, “Women? Hmm...”

His eyes widened as he vehemently started shaking his head, “Oh no, no, I didn’t…not with anyone.”

I chuckled, “I’m just messing with you. Even if you did…we weren’t together.”

His face relaxed, “Don’t worry, you were the only woman on my mind.” I cupped his cheeks, taking in the calm expression on his face before leaning in for a soft kiss. He smiled, nuzzling his nose against mine, “Let’s go eat breakfast and forget this happened.” I nodded as he took my hand and pulled me toward the kitchen.

It didn’t go unnoticed by me that he handled this confrontation with Anna completely different than the one at the restaurant. He remained calm and present the entire time. It was obvious that he was in a different place now. I actually felt proud of him and hoped it hadn’t caused him any undue stress.

The next couple of days kept us pretty busy. Ty had lined up several meetings to start getting Dieter’s contract obligations figured out before lawyers started getting involved due to delays. Since I had taken time off work, Dieter asked me to come with him to ensure he didn’t get talked into anything crazy.

As I sat listening to the conversations around me, it was obvious that Ty had a complete disregard for Dieter’s recovery as he pushed him to take on too much, too soon and couldn’t be bothered with the finer details of what would be needed for Dieter’s routine and self-care measures. I could see why Dieter wanted someone else there with him that knew his boundaries. Dieter did push back though. He got what he wanted and if concessions couldn’t be made for him, then he backed out of the projects. Ty was furious, but we ignored his outbursts. By the end of the week, Dieter had decided that he was ready to let Ty go. After discussing the change with Elaine, she happily put Dieter in touch with some new prospects that she felt would be a better fit.

After Ty got the news, it didn’t take long for new rumors to start making their rounds in the media about where Dieter had really been and the state of his mental health. We all knew Ty and maybe even Anna were behind it but had no proof. Elaine had recommended that we not address any of the rumors and deflect if questioned. However, after some thought, Dieter decided that he wanted to release a statement with the truth and maybe even eventually do an interview. He felt like it was his opportunity to address an important topic that didn’t get enough attention and was rather taboo to discuss, especially amongst actors out of fear that it would ruin their reputation. Given his own history and what had happened with his mom, he felt like it was a cause worthy of his support and he felt pretty strongly about it.

Elaine eventually acquiesced and drafted the statement. She ended it with a request “to respect the privacy of Mr. Bravo, his siblings, and Ms. Cohen as they continue to work through his recovery as a family.” Dieter had insisted I be included. He was making another statement without really saying it. I didn’t mind. We were back in LA after all, so we were bound to be seen together. Elaine agreed and thought it might cut back on some of the frenzy and speculation if we were open about being together, rather than trying to hide it. Dieter was anxious, but he didn’t second guess it as he told Elaine to hit send. The news was everywhere within the hour and the response to it was overwhelmingly positive.

Surprisingly, Dr. Rosenberg gave us a call later that afternoon to check in after seeing the press release. She was very supportive and actually thanked Dieter for being willing to share his story and raise awareness on the topic. We were still having regular calls with her until she found someone in LA that she was comfortable referring us to, but she wanted to continue to check in with us no matter what. We of course were thankful for her continued involvement and care for our wellbeing.

Later that evening, we had dinner at Gabby’s house. Everyone had called Dieter to check in since he had been home, but it was the first time they were getting to see him. Gabby wanted to give him some time to settle in before overwhelming him with a family get together. On the ride over, he admitted that he was nervous and worried that it would be awkward. However, his fears were quickly put to rest as he was welcomed with excitement and hugs from everyone. Lauren even shed a few tears. There was no awkwardness, only happiness to have both of us home.

Dieter stayed glued to my side the entire evening, constantly touching me in some way. He seemed happy and was having a good time. He didn’t appear to be anxious at all, so I was hopeful that meant he had other things on his mind. The glances that he kept sending my way seemed to confirm my thoughts.

We still hadn’t been intimate since coming home. He had relaxed significantly and had been extremely affectionate toward me after our conversation, but somehow, it hadn’t come to that. There were even a couple of instances where I felt like he was avoiding it. I had to tell my brain to stop thinking that way. However, when we got home that evening and a somewhat heated make out session started in the bathroom as we were getting ready for bed, he quickly pivoted by saying he was tired and still needed to do his journal entry before he fell asleep. I struggled to ignore it that time. My gut told me that something was up.

Several days later, we were sitting on the couch watching tv. I had thrown my legs over the top of his as I laid back onto a pile of pillows. His right hand was resting just above my bare knee, thumb occasionally rubbing in small circles. His other hand was gently massaging my feet. I absentmindedly stuck my hand up my tank to scratch at my stomach. From the corner of my eye, I noticed he was watching my hand, but trying not to be obvious about it. I did a small stretch, causing the hem to ride up further as I slid my fingers into the waistband of my shorts, looping my thumb over the top to rest there as I stayed focused on the tv. I felt the fingers on his right-hand twitch slightly before his whole hand started to rub and massage at my thigh.

He continued to stare blankly at the tv for several minutes, but I could feel the hardness forming under my legs. I moved slightly, grazing against him. His eyes shifted over to mine, and I smirked, moving my legs again. He grabbed hold of both my feet with his large hand, stalling my movements.

I bit my bottom lip, narrowing my eyes as I looked at him, “What’s going on in that head of yours today?”

He cleared his throat, “I’m watching tv. The show is on my mind.”

I slid my hand downward slightly, tugging the waistband of the shorts with my thumb. I slowly brought my other hand upward across my stomach, raising the hem of my tank further, letting it rest just under my breast. Then, I loosely clenched my thighs together. I knew he could feel it because his eyes darted down in that direction before going back to the tv. I could tell he was fighting a smile as his right hand continued its movements. The heat of his touch radiating directly to my core, now causing my thighs to involuntarily clench together, tighter this time. He closed his eyes and tucked his bottom lip between his teeth as his fingers dug into the soft meaty area above my knee.

“Sorry, I’ve got a little bit of an ache…maybe that’s something you can help me with?”

He opened his eyes and gave me a tight-lipped smile, “Alright, fine. You win.”

He laughed quietly as he shifted to move up my body, placing open mouthed kisses on bare skin as he went. When he made it to my chest, I felt his hand tentatively sliding toward the waistband of my shorts. I covered it with mine and guided it underneath to where I wanted it. Once he realized I wasn’t wearing any panties, he groaned into my neck. As his hand sunk lower, he groaned again, “Fucking hell, your soaking wet.”

My breath hitched as he slid his fingers between my folds and got to work. My hands found their way to the back of his head, tightly gripping his curls to pull him upward so I could kiss him even though I was already breathless. It had been too long, and I already felt like I was floating. It wasn’t going to take long for me to finish at this rate.

Our tongues tangled together as my hips moved in rhythm with his motions. I moaned into his mouth, pulling away to catch my breath. My eyes involuntarily squeezed shut as I could feel the familiar tingle building in my core. Dieter placed his forehead against mine, “Look at me…I want you looking at me when you come undone.”

My eyes met his as my thighs started to tremble. I mumbled something unintelligible against his lips as my release ripped through me. He nudged his nose against mine, watching as I lost it underneath the weight of his body.

Before I had a chance to completely recover, he was kissing me again. It was almost frenzied as he bucked his hips against my center, nearly making me come for a second time with minimal effort. My hand slowly moved down toward the front of his gym shorts. He broke away, leaning his forehead against mine, squeezing his eyes shut as he shook his head slightly. He sighed and moved to sit up, rubbing at his face with both hands.

My brows knitted together in concern as I set up at his side, “Hey, what's wrong?”

He laughed in disbelief through his hands before dropping them to his lap and looking at me with an odd expression that I couldn’t read.

“I can’t fucking believe this is happening…I’m sorry, I should have said something the other day, but I was hoping it wasn’t actually an issue.”

I was completely lost, “What’s going on?”

He looked at me wide-eyed, his mouth hanging open slightly for a moment before any words came out, “I think I’m having…performance anxiety or something.” He laughed again. “Talk about being ironic.”

My eyebrows arched upward, “Ooooh...Are you sure that’s what it is? Maybe it’s your medication? I mean, the doctor did say that could be a side effect.”

He shook his head as a deep crease formed between his brows, “I don’t think it’s that…I mean, I still get aroused and can…you know…”

His lips formed into a line, “Fuck. I can’t believe I’m having this conversation.”

He put his hand back over his face out of embarrassment. I reached over and squeezed his knee.

“So, you can take care of things yourself then? Is that what you’re saying?” I wasn’t sure how I wanted him to answer that question. It was going to sting either way.

“Yeah, I mean after the other night…When I woke up the next morning…in the shower. I felt like an asshole afterwards though.”

I bit the inside of my cheek, looking away from him. I wasn’t sure how to respond to that. I couldn’t help feeling insecure over it and he could sense it.

“It’s got nothing to do with you. You’re not doing anything wrong. You’re…fucking perfect.” He reached over to grab my hand, lacing our fingers together, “If it makes you feel better, I was thinking about you when I did it…”

I gave him a look that fell somewhere between a grimace and a smile, before I let a small laugh escape. Meanwhile, he was slowly descending into panic.

“I promise, it’s me. I’m just getting all in my head about everything and it kind of ruins the moment.” He gestured toward his crotch with his free hand and had an annoyed look on his face.

I somehow managed a neutral expression, “Do you wanna talk about what’s bothering you then? Maybe it’ll help.” I shrugged, giving him a sympathetic look.

He sighed heavily, “I just…I dunno…I think I’m worried it’s gonna be different somehow…that I’m gonna be different. What if I can’t connect emotionally or feel things like before? I mean that’s always been kind of an important part of it for us…the emotional connection. You know what I mean? That makes me worry it’s gonna be bad for you if I can no longer give you that part of myself because something’s different in my brain.”

I could feel my chest tightening as I realized this was really getting to him, “I mean, Dr. Rosenberg said how you feel about things wouldn’t change. It’s not like your emotions are turned off. You still feel things.”

“Yeah, but it's not always as intense as before.” His dark eyes were giving me a pleading look. Like he was expecting me to up and leave over this.

“Well, that’s not necessarily a bad thing in some instances…and who knows, maybe it’ll be even better now since you’re more present and in control of everything.”

He chuckled, “God, if it gets any better than it was, I may not be able to handle it.”

I smiled at him. At least his sense of humor was still intact.

“It’s kind of a compounding thing too, because now I’m just like…fuck, I have to be able do this or she’s gonna be unsatisfied and unhappy you know? I don’t want to mess shit up again. Then it’s just…like…these negative pressuring thoughts on repeat, and I can’t make it stop.”

I gave him a smirk as I moved to wrap my arms around his neck, “You’re more than qualified to satisfy me in a couple other ways…as you just demonstrated. So, don’t even think about that anymore. I’m not going anywhere. We will figure it out together, ok?”

He nodded, wrapping his arms around my waist and pulling me onto his lap for a comforting embrace.

I kissed the top of his head, “Thank you for telling me.”

“So, what do you think we should do?” He asked against my neck.

“Well, I say we just try again when the mood strikes and see what happens. Maybe now that you’ve told me what’s going on…it’ll get better.”

He nodded before turning to give me a quick kiss. (More after the gif)

Over the next week, we had a few more failed attempts. It only seemed to be discouraging him further. I could sense it happening each time and there was no way of stopping it. I could tell it was starting to weigh on him, so I decided to give Dr. Rosenberg a call. Apparently, this was a pretty common issue, and she offered a few suggestions. Starting with giving him tasks to focus on while I was in charge of things. I felt like I could work with that. He did like my bossy side after all. So, I started to formulate a plan of action to solve the problem at hand.

The following morning, I was awakened to the feeling of Dieter’s rough hand slowly sliding up my bare hip to the middle of my waist, then back down again. Once he realized I had nothing on underneath the t-shirt I had worn to bed, it seemed to have the desired effect. His grip tightened, fingers digging into soft flesh as he pulled my ass backwards against the hardness that he had woken up with. I couldn’t help the sly smile that slid across my face, hoping that this might actually get somewhere if I could keep him focused on what he was feeling rather than what he was thinking.

I did a full body stretch, humming from the feel of it as I leaned my back against his chest. He nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck as he groaned, tightening his grip on my hip further and grinding into my backside. I reached up with my right hand and gently tugged the soft curls at the crown of his head as he ran his nose up the length of my stretched-out neck, then around the edge of my ear. The feel of his hot breath against the sensitive area caused me to break out in goosebumps, putting every nerve ending in my body on alert.

I turned my head to meet his lips, pulling him down into a slow and sensual kiss. I removed my hand from his hair then lightly slid it down his arm to sit atop his hand on my hip. I laced my fingers through the top of his and guided his hand up under my shirt to rest on my breast, encouraging him to knead it in the palm of his hand. We both moaned quietly through locked lips from the contact as I scooted to lay flat on my back. He settled between my thighs as I hooked my leg around his hip, rubbing my bare center against the hardness in his shorts. He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes momentarily as I continued moving against him. When he opened them, I could tell he was starting to get lost in his head again, hesitating before he leaned down to kiss me.

I broke away from the kiss, snaking my left hand up into his hair, gripping it firmly between my fingers and pulling his ear down to meet my lips. I gently sucked on the lobe before whispering, “Lay down on your back and close your eyes.” The distraction of my words brought him back to the moment as he pulled away, looking down at me with a playful but questioning grin on his face. He was clearly intrigued by my instructions as he did what was asked.

Once he was situated, I moved to slide his shorts down. He raised his hips off the bed to assist in removing them. Once they were discarded on the floor, I slowly crawled up his body, making light grazes across his skin along the way. Placing open mouthed kisses on his muscular thighs before nipping and sucking on them playfully. Eventually, I moved to straddle his hips. I pulled my t-shirt over my head and tossed it on the floor before leaning down to suck on his bottom lip. After grabbing both of his hands in mine, I pulled away from the kiss with a pop. I moved to whisper in his ear again, “Don’t open your eyes. If you do, I'll stop. Just focus on my voice and what you’re feeling. Nothing else.”

Dieter’s breath stuttered as he slowly shook his head in agreement. The anticipation and not knowing what to expect causing his skin to flush. The idea of giving him a task to focus on was clearly keeping his intrusive thoughts at bay for the time being as he continued to harden beneath me. I sat upright, pulling his hands with me, and placing them on my breast. Encouraging him to let them roam and caress my body. I guided them down to feel up my thighs and around to grip my ass. As his fingers dug into the meaty flesh, I rolled my hips, rubbing my aching wet center against him.

“You feel that? You did that to me.”

He groaned at my words and bucked his hips up against me, seeking more friction. I grabbed his right hand and brought it down to rub the slick at my center.

“This is all for you,” I added before bringing his hand to my mouth and sucking his fingers clean. I watched as his eyes snapped open in shock to meet mine. I stopped and pulled his hands away from my body.

“Eyes closed or it stops.”

He huffed loudly, “You’re gonna make me have a fucking heart attack,” as he closed his eyes again.

I couldn’t help the mischievous smile that slid across my face as I took in the sight of him, already panting and his skin beading with sweat. My plan appeared to be working.

I took his hands and guided them to lay above his head, momentarily pinning them there to give further instruction.

“No baby, I’m gonna make you feel good. Then you’re gonna make love to me. Don’t open your eyes again or move your hands. I mean it, I’ll stop.”

He whimpered quietly as he let out a measured breath, nodding in agreement. I went to work, worshiping every inch of him. Starting at his neck, licking and sucking his flushed skin as I worked my way down his torso. Alternating between light touches in the sensitive areas and deep massaging over his taut muscles. With every movement my wet center rubbed against his hardness as he continued to grind his hips against me, causing that electric tingling sensation to build. However, this time was about his pleasure, not mine. So, I started to move backward to straddle his legs as I continued to work my way down his body with my mouth. He groaned at the loss of contact until I took his dick in my hand and started stroking it, spreading my wetness up and down his shaft as I nipped and sucked on his hip.

He was beginning to squirm beneath me. It was clearly becoming harder for him to keep his hands in place as he knotted the sheets in his fingers above his head and tightly squeezed his eyes shut. A sweat covered crease formed between his brows as he fought to control himself. I let my hot breath blow against him as I spoke up to remind him not to move or open his eyes before taking him into my mouth.

His elbows jerked up off the bed and I immediately pulled back, ceasing my movements. He mumbled something in Spanish that I couldn’t quite make out as he put his arms back in place. This was driving him crazy, but it was also keeping all of the negative thoughts out of his head, and I was loving every second of it.

I took as much of his length into my mouth as I could and used one hand to stroke the remainder of the shaft while the other moved to massage his balls in a wave motion with my fingertips. I could tell it was taking everything in him not to look down at me or reach for my hair. He tried to move his legs, but they were pinned under me, further limiting his response to my actions. He was quickly melting into a sweaty, groaning, writhing mess underneath me as I licked and sucked on his sensitive head.

Once his thighs started to shake and his balls began to tighten, I removed him from my mouth and stopped my motions. He growled and pulled a pillow over his face, yelling expletives into it. I couldn’t help the laughter that escaped me. I was enjoying this too much. Once he had calmed down some, I worked to bring him back to the edge, again ceasing my motions once he was there.

After allowing him to come back down a second time, I moved to straddle his hips. I placed him at my entrance and slowly sank down onto his length, allowing him to stretch me in the most delightful way. Once I was able to fully take him in, I leaned forward to grab his arms, pulling him to sit upright and placing his hands on my ass to help guide my movement. Realizing he still had his eyes closed as I placed my forehead against his, a smile spread across my face before whispering against his lips, “You can open your eyes now.”

Dieter’s eyes slowly opened, revealing that his pupils were fully dilated with arousal. There was no stopping him now. He was focused and determined as he crashed his lips against mine in a passionate kiss before tangling his hand in my hair, gently pulling my head backwards and burying his face into the crook of my neck. I continued to rock against him as he nipped and sucked at the sensitive area just above my collarbone, sending electrical shocks directly to my core with his touch and the scrap of his scruffy beard. My fingers moved to knot into his sweaty curls, pulling him tightly against me as we moved in unison.

We knew how to do this, how to read each other’s bodies and connect in the most intimate and emotional ways. Though he had been worried about it being different, about him being different, it wasn’t something we would ever lose. It was engraved into our very souls. He just needed to be shown the way back to me, to us. There was no hesitation from him now as he angled my face toward his, releasing his hold on my hair to bring his thumb to rest on my chin and stroke it gently. Our eyes locked into an intense gaze for a time while we continued to move together. My forehead eventually fell forward to rest against his as beads of sweat rolled down both of our faces from the exertion. Both of us taking turns stealing kisses from the other between the soft moans and heavy breathing. Our connection felt just as strong as it had been previously.

As Dieter got closer to his climax, he reached for my right hand, disentangling it from his hair and brought it to his mouth. After gently sucking and swirling his tongue around the tips of my fingers, he moved them to the bundle of nerves at my center, encouraging me to find my release with him while he worked to speed up our rhythm. With both of his hands placed firmly on my ass, fingers digging into the soft flesh there, he continued guiding my rocking movements against him. His eyes never left my face as he watched me come undone on top of him, quietly whispering praises against my lips as I got closer to the edge. Once my muscles started to clench down around him, he fell over the edge with me. Both of us letting out loud groans with our releases. His face fell forward into the crook of my neck, his hot breath blowing against me as I hugged him tightly, both of us trembling and sweaty from our activities.

We sat like that for several minutes, giving each other a chance to come down from our mutual high. He eventually lulled his head back to look up at me with a lazy smile on his face, which caused his eyes to crinkle in that way I loved. I leaned down to capture his pillowy bottom lip into a sensual kiss, knitting his hair in one hand while the other slid across the rough scruff on his cheek. He groaned into my mouth before breaking the kiss, then nuzzled his nose against mine.

Dieter let out a breathy laugh as he started twisting my hair around his fingers against the middle of my back with one hand, allowing the other to wander freely across my body as he studied my face, “I certainly wasn’t expecting to wake up to that. What has gotten into you this morning? Not that I’m complaining…”

“Well…it looks like you did.”

He snorted, “Seriously, where did that come from?”

I ran my hand down the side of his face to cup his cheek, “Oh, you know me…I’m really good at operations management. Just working through things to figure out the most efficient process for peak outcomes,” I said with a smirk.

He chuckled, “You know I think it’s hot when you’re all bossy. Give me fifteen minutes and we can test out that process again, ya know, and make sure it’s efficient…Actually, if you wanna take it up a few notches, I may only need ten.”

“Is that right?” I mumbled against his lips with a smile, he nodded in response before kissing me. We melted into each other, bodies pressed together as our tongues and hands explored every area of skin they could reach. It wasn’t long before I could feel him getting hard again.

Hours later, we laid in bed facing each other, with lazy smiles and blissfully spent. I had missed him like this, completely relaxed and carefree. Whatever block he had been experiencing seemed to now be non-existent as he lightly drug his fingers up and down the length of my bare side and randomly kissed me as we talked. The weight had lifted, allowing the spark of happiness to return to his eyes. His playfulness was on full display as he laughed at my words and threw in the occasional innuendo.

He grew quiet after a time, studying my face. His brows creased slightly as he took hold of my hand and brought it to his cheek for a moment, before closing his eyes and turning to kiss it gently. When he met my gaze again, I could see a range of emotions playing out across his expression.

“What’s going on in that head of yours?”

He smiled as he nuzzled his face into my hand, “You’ve always been able to read me so well. No one else knows how to do that.”

I scratched at his scruffy face and gave him an encouraging smile. He sighed, wrapping his arm around me to pull me snuggly against his chest before burying his face in the top of my hair.

“I was just thinking how lucky I am to have you…just kinda taking a minute to appreciate what I have and be hopeful for the future…Our future together.”

I could sense that wasn’t everything, “Is that all?”

He huffed out a small laugh into my hair, “No.”

Of course, I could tell it wasn’t. I pulled away some to meet his eyes, waiting for him to continue. He avoided my stare as he thought through his words. His brows knitted together, eyes turning glassy. I could tell he was fighting back emotions.

“I just…it’s hard not to be angry about the time we lost. It’s always gonna be one of my biggest regrets.”

I sat up on my elbow, cradling his face in my other hand, forcing him to look at me.

“You can’t move forward if you're dwelling on the past. You’re gonna have to let that go. I’m guilty of it too. I did it first, remember?”

His lips twitched upward at the memory.

“It was months. Why focus on a handful of shitty months when we have years ahead of us to look forward to?”

He smiled, leaning into my hand before pulling me down to meet his lips. It finally felt like we had gotten over our last major hurdle and could now focus on our future together.

A/N: And there we have it! Our two lovebirds are finally back together! How excited are you for that? And that journal entry - Swoon! 😍 How amazing did it feel for Dieter to tell Anna off for good and get rid of Ty? Do you think Rylee will come back to work with him? And how about him releasing a statement...Good or bad idea? Also, how adorable is he with all his worries? Poor thing with his performance anxiety...you all had to know his love of Talia's boss lady side was going to come into play at some point, right? So, it looks like I'm still on schedule to have one more chapter and an epilogue to finish this out. I almost split this one since it came in at over 10k words but decided against it. I threw in a few gifs to break it up a bit though. Can you feel that happy ending on the horizon now? Please feel free to show your enthusiasm with messages and reblogs. 😘 👉 In case you missed it, The Knight & His Queen was posted over the holidays. This is a four-part series I completed for the PedroStories Secret Santa event, and it has been posted in its entirety. It's another Dieter Bravo fic where our beloved trash panda takes a dive into the world of mystics, tarot readings, and love. Give it a read. It's fun, fluffy, and fairly angst free.

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dazaiandhislovelybandages · 11 months

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Reborn {Levi}

A/n: okay so the thing is that I have way too many ideas when it comes to post war!Levi so get ready because most of them can be considered angsty

Pairing: Levi x Erwin's sister!reader

Warnings: age gap (Levi is in his early 40s and reader is in her early 20s) mentions of ptsd, mentions of character death, mentions of disability with Levi being on a wheelchair, having three fingers missing and a being partially blind, mentions of slight self hatred,

Three years after the war was over, countless upon countless of trips and visits to Paradis Island and the royal palace and Levi had finally settled in a small house close to the gates to the Underground.

Even though he knew he wanted it, it had taken a lot of persuassion from everyone in his life, mostly Gabi, Falco and Connie for some reason, in order to open that tea shop he had always been dreaming of.

The process had been extremely slow with him being stubborn and refusing any sort of help in the beginning. He would never be able to do some of the things he could easily do back when he wasn't in a wheelchair. Nonetheless, he was managing just fine and slowly started accepting everyone's help.

Three months later, the tea shop opened. His clients were always the same and even though he had at first been the talk of the town -a war veteran opening a tea shop was almost unheard of- his shop was never completely full but never empty either.

He didn't mind. He knew what his clients wanted and with the help of Gabi and Falco he kept them satisfied.

And the way he passed his days became a routine. He knew that whether he had slept well the night before or not -nightmares still occured pretty often- he would have to go and tend to his little tea shop. In the end of the day, he would return to his house and read or maybe do some chores.

That was his routine and he liked it.

Until Connie and Jean came one day to his shop, the look on their faces grim. Levi's heart immediately sunk. If those two idiots looked like that then the situation was far more serious than he could imagine and the last thing he wanted was to hear that another person dear to him had died.

Then they started speaking and he was... surprised? He couldn't tell. But the next thing he knew the old squad was walking down the long corridor that led to the small meeting room Historia wanted them to meet at.

"So... Captain had a sister?" Armin asked, almost confused.

"I should have told you sooner..." Historia tried to smile. "She has been working for me for years now..."

"And she wants to meet us?" Mikasa's voice was as soft as ever.

"More like... I want you to meet her." Historia stood up and walked over to the window.

And there you were. The meeting you were supposed to attend as one of her generals was over and the weather was too nice not to enjoy it.

Everyone followed Historia and looked outside -if you even turned your head towards the windows you would see the curious faces of everyone that survived of the old squad. Everyone but Levi.

He hadn't said a word since Historia told them the whole story. How you joined the Survey Corps besides your brother's will for a safe future. How even though during the Battle of Heaven and Earth you hadn't been in the front lines but you had stayed back, tearing the Jeagerists from the inside piece by piece. How after everything ended, Historia approached you and offered you a position in her Intelligence unit. She had made it pretty clear that not once had you used your brother's name to climb the ranks.

And it made sense because Levi hadn't heard a thing about you. Ever. And as far as he knew neither had Hange.

Sure Historia wanted them to meet you but at what cost? How would he be able to look at you without remembering the times he had spent by Hange's side who constantly pestered Erwin to tell them about his family. But that wasn't even the worst part. He had managed, slowly but steadily, to heal whatever wounds had been caused by Erwin's absence. The last thing he wanted was to be reminded of his best friend's corpse, his last words to him.

So Levi left when everyone was too busy stalking you from the window. He knew that he would spend the night thinking his entire existence and if there was even a slight chance that he could avoid remembering the past, he would take it.

A week later and he was back at the palace grounds, unable to live without knowing. What he wanted to know exactly, he wasn't sure.

Historia had been kind enough not to comment on his return. She had even told him where to find you.

Levi didn't knock on the library door. He hadn't expected to see you sitting on the first round table one could see upon entering the library. You seemed to be reading something, taking a few notes on a piece of paper next to the book.

He stayed there, one hand on the door knob and the other placed on the right wheel of his wheelchair, his remaining three fingers holding it in place.

Should he leave? Go back to his tea shop and never return?

Would he be able to take it?

"The tea will get cold, Captain." You spoke, not lifting your gaze from your book.

Levi only stared as you turned to look at him once you were done writing. He had expected to see Erwin's eyes but no. It was a relief; knowing that you were your own person and not a reminder of your late brother. He wouldn't be able to take it otherwise.

You stood up and walked towards him, reaching out your hand for him to shake. "My hands are covered in blood." He looked at you. A cold stare. A tired one.

But then you smiled at him. "Mine too."

He still doesn't know how it happened. Or why. He just found himself at your place one random afternoon, two days after your fateful meeting, longing to hear your voice. Then he started to become somewhat more like his old self again; the way he was when he was a Captain. He would act cold yet he made it painfully obvious that he cared.

He smiled more. He went out more, wanting to see you or wanting to be with you.

Not long after, he began feeling and noticing the change. He had become a whole new person even though he still acted the same.

A/n: this wasn't nearly as good as I had thought it would be

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gemini-sensei · 6 months

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Thinking about Surgeon!Eli meeting a kid who has a cleft lip and isn't scared of getting the corrective surgery. He's a brave little guy, about 4 years old, who does well every visit. He talks to Hawk about everything, all his interests, even the small things like his favorite food his mommy makes him.

Speaking of his mommy, Reader is the one super nervous and scared for her baby to go into surgery. She's the one talking fast and needing assurance about the procedure. Her mind is racing and so is her heart at the thought of her baby being in any pain at all. However, she knows his quality of life will be better with the surgery. This isn't for appearances. This is for his life and health.

Eli assures her every appointment that it will be okay. He won't say it but the nurses will tell her that he's the best peds plastics surgeon around. She won't find someone who cares as much as Eli Moskowitz and how will take care of her baby as if he's his own. Her heart and mind are put at ease. So when surgery day comes, she gives her brave baby boy a kiss on the head before he's taken back and she's left waiting.

When Eli comes out and tells her it went well and that they'll have him in a room soon, she wants to hug him. She thanks him over and over again instead, telling hi thanks for taking such good care of her baby. That little boy is her whole life. She doesn't know what she'd do without him and she'll do anything to make his life better, easier, happier. It means so much to her and she says she doesn't know how to repay him. He assures he that there's no need for repayment. This is his job, what he's spent his whole life working towards, and helping kids and their families is reward enough.

A few months later, Eli runs into the pair at the grocery. Reader's son sees him and runs up to him, screaming across the store for him. Eli crouches down to him for a greeting and asks him how he's doing. The little boy is so happy to see him and show him his healed lip. Eli already knew what the healed scar looks like from their last check up appointment months ago but indulges the boy with a smile.

"Now we match!" the little boy giggles.

Reader catches up and begs her son to stop running off like that. He's so rambunctious and independent that he can't help it. When they're on the pasta aisle, he volunteers to go get their favorite cereal and that he'll be "super duper fast." Only to get distracted by toy cars.

This time he's happened to get distracted by his favorite doctor in the whole wide world.

Eli smiles and stands as Reader picks up her son and puts him in the cart so he won't run off again. "How are you two?"

"Well," she tells him, smiling back. "How are you?"

"Great," he says and nods. "It's nice to see you. How're the pre schoolers liking that cool scar?"

Reader son grins. "I'm so cool! We play doctor all the time and I get to be the doctor like you! And fix everyone's lips like you do! And their arms and their legs and I listen to their hearts too."

"Really?" He asks. Her son nods and Eli sighs. "Wow! Sounds like you and I should be partners. We'd make a really great team at the rate your going."

The boy laughs and kicks his feet from the cart's seat, the idea exciting him. "That sounds like so much fun! I'll start soon!"

Reader can't help but giggle and smile. Seeing her little boy thrive after the surgery is great. Not that he wasn't thriving before but she was worried that the surgery Ishtar change things. He had friends before and he still has friends, but there was that motherly fear that things wouldn't stay the same. That somehow he'd be treated differently because of this. But he wasn't and he was happy. And it was thanks to Eli, their fantastic doctor who made it less scary for her and that much more amazing for her son.

The doctor standing in front of her that she can't seem to take her eyes off of. The guy who was making her son laugh and engaging with him in conversation that he was so happy about. The guy who looked good standing in a tight compression shirt and shorts, a little sweaty from what appears to be an afternoon run. Her heart thrums and flutters as he high fives her son with a big smile. And she thinks Oh shit, not again.

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zvtara-was-never-canon · 12 days

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I mean are katara and zuko really that similar apart from their temper? Katara seems more empathetic to me (although zuko gained a lot of it) and she grew in a community like aang while zuko has been abused his entire life. And her values are also more similar with aang.

Like I've said repeatedly, zutara is, to me, a ship in which the characters involved have the wrong things in common and their differences make them clash instead of balance each other out.

Their temper is the main thing they have in common - combined with the fact that they're both petty as fuck and can get REALLY mean, even towards people they care about, when they hit a nerve, either accidentally or intentionally (see all of Zuko's scenes lashing out at Iroh, Katara making a cruel joke about Toph being blind in The Chase and saying Sokka didn't love their mother like she did). They can also get frustrated when they aren't immediately good at something (Aang has a bit of that trait too).

Two people that are quick to anger, very stubborn, and prone both to say mean things they don't actually mean AND to take things to heart is the kind of pairing that would require A LOT to work in a healthy way because they naturally NEED someone a bit more chill to balance them out (hence both characters being so attached to people like Aang, Mai, Iroh, Hakoda, etc) or at the very least for them to be on the same page about a lot of other stuff to compensate for the inevitable clashes when they disagree - but Zuko and Katara clearly are not.

Even once Zuko changes his mind about war and imperialism, his way of trying to help remedy the consequences of it (something Katara cares deeply about too) is still pinning for Ozai's throne, ruling over people, calling all the shots in the country, having his kids inherit that position, and living in a comfortable, luxurious palace.

Katara meanwhile seems to long for her tribe, aka a life in a fucking desert in which simply surviving takes A LOT of work, and for the ocasional adventures around the world, helping people either through fighting or healing. She's also not Hakoda's "heir" and if we take Korra into consideration (which I usually don't) even if she was the firstborn, the chiefs are ELECTED, meaning that either way she is not expecting, or wanting, to rule over anything, nor to have any child of hers to want "royal" treatment.

Very different life-styles for people that will be living half a world away from each other and are NOT willing to compromise because they feel very strongly about what their role in the world is.

Their ambitions for their lives are very different, neither would ever move to each other's homeland permanently, and they already would be likely to have huge fights over small stuff, let alone something that huge - terrible combo, practically begging for a messy break-up and years of resenment if they were to ever be involved with each other.

I will say that I don't think it's fair to count Zuko's abusive family situation as one of the big things that would make them opposites because Zuko doesn't WANT that kind of family life for himself, or anyone else. He actively longs for a healthy, loving family in which everyone takes care of everyone like Katara's family did - again, the difference is in the lifestyle he'd want for said family.

He's not gonna be hunting to have food to eat or to give to his kids, he ain't sleeping in an igloo, and he is not moving to such a cold place where his firebending wouldn't be as strong because lack of/less intense sunlight when he spent most of his life having a complex about his abilities as a bender. And Katara sure as fuck isn't dreaming about being Fire Nation royalty and seeing her children inherit the crown of people that nearly killed their tribe.

They're not Yin and Yang, and they're not basically the same person either. They want very different things AND have the same tendency to react poorly to not having things go their way. Probably THE worst combo imaginable.

#anti zutara

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imagineanime2022 · 1 month

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Your Actual Child

Shota Aizawa X Teen!GN!Reader (Platonic)

Word Count: 1922

Requested: Anon

Request: Hey hey

Could you please write a Aizawa platonic scenario in which he has a biological daughter?

Thankss

Warning: Angsty with happy end, crying, something that could be considered a poorly described panic attack, tried to keep it gender neutral.

You don’t know how your parents met or even decided who would have you. All you knew is that your mum wasn’t around anymore and your dad worked all night and slept all day. You didn’t have a quirk worth investing your time in, you were a glorified nightlight at best. You assumed that you got it from your mother considering your father’s ability.

For the first 18 years of your life, everything seemed to follow a routine, one that had you seeing your father for no more than a few hours before he was off to work or he was sending you off to school. You didn’t mind too much the time that he spent with you was always nice, that is until you got old enough to look after yourself, then time with him became more sparse and you found yourself feeling lonely. You tried not to feel angry or hurt because there were people who needed him.

It only seemed to get worse when he was assigned to the new class of heroes and trouble really started, the villains making a rise and your father was forced to the front lines on more than one occasion. The first time you were given time off of school to look after him while his was bandaged up, you worried about his eyes and what he would do if he wasn’t able to use his eyes once he was healed. But of course he healed just fine and everything went back to the way that they were.

The aftermath of the second big event resulted in you getting a little sister, Eri and you loved her with all of your heart but she only served to drive you and your dad further apart. He cared for her the way that he cared for you when you were younger and that made you miss him even more. You did gain a friend through it all though, Mirio, one of the heroes in training, spent a lot of time with Eri and by extension you.

You remembered one night you had all had dinner, Mirio had been there at the request of Eri, your dad was working so he wasn’t there. Mirio had just finished putting Eri to bed when he found you in the kitchen. “She’s sleeping.” He said as you placed the plate of food for your Dad in the microwave. “Thank you.” You said softly as Mirio walked over leaning against the counter. “Can I ask you something?” He asked. “Of course.” You nodded, wiping off your hands after washing them and gesturing for him to follow you into the living room. “You were never on the hero course, why?” He asked. “Oh, my quirk isn’t really anything that I could use for hero work.” You lifted your hand to show the small light you held in the palm of your hand, willing it to change shape until it resembled Mirio. “Woah!” You both jumped at the sound of the softer voice, you looked behind you to find that Eri was standing at the entrance to the living room. “Eri what are you doing up? I thought you were sleeping.” Mirio was about to get up but instead she ran over to you scrambling to climb up onto your lap. You helped her sit against you as she pulled your hand towards her. “Can you do that again!?” She asked, you lifted your hand creating a small figure that resembled her. “This is your quirk?” “Yeah.” You answered softly, “Do you want to hear a story?” Eri nodded vigorously as you told her a story using the small light figures to play out the story you were telling her. Eri feel asleep to you telling her a story and you carried her to bed and tucked her in and saw Mirio out telling him to be careful on his way home.

It would be hours later that Aizawa would walk through the front door, he was quiet, sure that the both of you would have been asleep by now. He was surprised to hear the TV playing in the living room, and walked into the living room to find you laying on the sofa, your phone held tightly in your hand as if waiting for something. He was gentle as he picked you up but it still woke you, ever since he had brought home Eri you had become a light sleeper waiting for the moment that she would need you. “Welcome home, your food is in the microwave.” You mumbled. “Thank you, what are you doing sleeping on the couch, you're going to end up with a bad back.” his scolding was half hearted as he carried you to your bedroom placing you in bed, you settled yourself before answering him. “It’s closer to Eri.” You finally answered. “If she needs me when you're not here.” “Mmm, get some rest, I’m home now, Eri is going to be fine.” He said as he turned back out to leave the room. “Make sure you eat.” You called sleepily before turning over and falling back to sleep. Aizawa glanced back at you for a second as he tried to figure out when you had grown up and how he had missed it. He couldn’t think of anyone that he would want to look after Eri more.

Things settled into a routine of you looking after Eri and the house while you dad worked day and night. Eri became your shadow and you fell into a roll that shouldn’t have been yours at your age. Your dad sat you and Eri down and explained the raid that he was supposed to be a part of, the one that was supposed to put an end to Shigaraki and the rest of his group. Of course the raid didn’t go the way that it was supposed to and you found yourself sitting in the living room leg bouncing as you waited for news on your dad. You had managed to get Eri to go to bed a few hours before Hizashi showed up.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” You asked. “What happened?” “(Y/N), can you sit down for me?” Hizashi asked. “S-sit down, w-what… He’s okay right?” You asked. “He’s alive.” Hizashi answered. “So it’s the same as before. I'll look after him for a little while and then he’ll be back to normal.” You said. “Not this time.” Hizashi answered. “He lost his leg in the battle, at the moment he’s in the hospital, the doctors think that they will be able to save everything from above the knee but he’ll need a prosthetic.” “And how long will that take?” You asked “how long will he be in the hospital?” “That will depend on your dad.” He answered. “Well he’s never been one to stay beaten.” You mumbled. “Do you need me to stay?” He asked, he remembered the first night that something like this had happened, you spent the night crying and Hizashi had been the one to stay with you and make sure that you were okay. “No it’s okay, get some rest, thanks for fighting for us.” You said softly, he wanted to stay and make sure that you were okay but he didn't want to seem overbearing so he nodded, hugged you and made you promise that you would call him if you needed anything.

Over the next couple days there were regular check ins from the people that were able to check in, you even ended up meeting Hawks and Best Jeanist who were also sent to check up on your both for whatever reason. Soon came the time that your dad was finally allowed visitors and of course you took Eri down the hospital to see your dad. She missed him a lot and you hoped that seeing him was going to help her.

You had been there for about an hour when Mirio stuck his head through the door “Eri! No one told me that you’d be down here! You want to come get something to eat?” He asked “I’ve been given a special mission, I have to find some food for Tamaki.” Eri jumped up from where she was sitting. “A special mission?” She asked, she looked back at your dad who nodded softly before she ran off with Mirio leaving you both alone. “Hopefully, I’ll be able to come home soon, they’ve shown me the prosthetic that they are making for me.” Your dad said, you looked at him and nodded. “That will be good, it’ll be nice to have you back home, I think Eri misses seeing you around.” You explained. “I hear alot about Eri, she’s easy for the others to read but what about you?” He asked, the question itself made your throat close as you looked down at your hands balled in your lap. “I’m okay.” You answered after taking a deep breath and schooling your voice. “Mmm, you remember when you were younger anything bad ever happened you would cry?” He asked. “Yeah, I remember.” You nodded. “That was how I knew that you were going to be okay, the first time that I got hurt you cried, when you cry I know how to fix it, so I need your help so I can fix it.” He leaned forward taking your hand in his as he waited for you to talk. “You’ve done enough, you all have done enough.” You finally said. “What do you mean (N/N)?” You couldn’t see the frown but you could hear it in his voice, along with confusion and slight worry. “I know that I’m not the child that you chose, I don’t have some amazing quirk, I’m a glorified night light. The best I can do is scare away the imaginary demons Eri sees in her room. Whenever there’s a real threat, something tangible the best I can do is stay out of the way, there are people younger than me fighting for my right to live. I’ve watched you get hurt time and time again and all I can do is make you breakfast and keep the house clean-” the confession poured from your mouth in one breath, as tears poured down your face with all the strength he had he pulled you into his chest catching your entire weight as he wrapped his arms around you. “I need you to listen to me, I don’t need you to have a powerful quirk, I don’t need you to be fighting this war on the frontlines, do you know how important it is to make sure there’s somewhere for the soldiers to come back to?” your crying and quieted slightly, enough that he was sure that you were trying to listen to him, even if you weren’t hearing everything that he said. “As for choosing you, you don’t understand how much I thank you gods for the child that I was given and the person you raised yourself to be.” “I’m sorry.” You cried. “No need to be sorry.” He shifted you until you were laying on the bed next to him “Rest, the world will not collapse in on itself without you for a few hours, I promise.” As you relaxed into him and you fell asleep he saw the little girl that you had been hiding, the one that he had lost sight of and promised himself that he wouldn’t ever lose sight of her again.

Request Here!!

#my hero academia oneshot #my hero academia reader insert #my hero academia imagine #my hero academia #shota aizawa oneshot #shota aizawa imagine #shota aizawa #imagin #oneshot #one shot #reader insert #x reader #gender neutral reader

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sidetongue · 1 year

Text

There are so many people in my day to day life who see dogs as just pets. So many people who don’t understand how much I’m struggling with Miller’s condition. Even people in my own workplace are surprised by how “hard” I’m taking it. The reality is these people go home to a partner or family of an evening, I go home to my dogs. That sounds really miserable and antisocial - but I’m an independent person and I’ve bought my own home and set up my own life and I’ve done it all by myself… except for the little pack of supporters who’ve been there through it all. Miller has been through it all.

Miller knew me when I was 18 and living with my grandparents; still a kid and having no idea about being an adult. Miller knew me when I went through my first break up, and she stuck around through the heartache. Miller knew me when I first ventured out into the big wide world; renting a “big girl house” with a friend and having a stable income and working towards my dreams. Miller knew me through my second break up, where I fled the country and went on a journey to “heal myself” and left her (and Henry) with my grandparents. She didn’t mind. She enjoyed the extra snacks. Miller knew me when I bought my first home, alone, and was right there beside me throughout.

She’s known me through my entire adult life. But I’ve known Miller through the day when she first came home… carsick on the passenger’s seat with only petrol station toilet paper to clean it up. I’ve known Miller through her “drug overdose” where she decided to snack on a pack of ibuprofen (again, with Henry). I’ve known Miller through horrific and uncontrollable ear infections. Where I thought the kindest thing was to let her go. Where I saw her in chronic, severe pain and several ear surgeries and procedures. I’ve known miller through her, um, “back end” problems, and having to remove stitches from her actual butthole. I’ve known Miller through her mellow years, where her only crimes are barking at a yellow lab on the beach or greeting our guests with a loud and persistent voice.

Today someone came to my house and there was no loud voice to greet them. She’s in a vet clinic cage, yellow as a highlighter, trying her hardest to stay alive. She’s 8 years old and has lived a life rich with joy and adventure, but my god I’m not ready to say goodbye yet. She’s not grey, she’s not creaky, she’s still got so much life in her. So many more rivers to swim in and songs to dance to and yellow labs to bark at. Every waking moment is spent agonising over my special little blue dog.

We don’t see leptospirosis where I am located. It’s very rare, and my vets have little experience with it. Today we contacted other hospitals in places were it is more prevalent so we can get a better idea of what we’re dealing with. It can take 7-14 days to see a turnaround. Miller is on day 4. I don’t know how I will afford 14 days of intensive care. I don’t even know how to think about money right now. I don’t know when the right time is to call it; to let her rest, or whether she wants me to keep fighting for her. Every minute is a nightmare and I miss my best girl.

#when moby shoves his nose in the food bin he looks like miller #when trickle does her little pinned ears waggy butt appeasement dance she looks like miller #when someone comes stomping up the steps I can hear miller’s voice #except none of those are miller #and there’s a very real chance they never will be again #she may never come home #and I’ll be stuck reeling from these tiny fractions of time where I think it’s her #my very best friend #my loyal sidekick #who hates everyone in this world but me #and has always driven me absolutely nuts #please don’t take her away just yet #please let her come home for a little longer

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onyourowndaisymae · 1 year

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Yoo I have two request which I’ll send the other one separately but I am in an ANGSTY mood rn sooo yah also been binging ur headcanons and stuffs and I just love the way you write ?? It’s so entertaining lol

AnywY the actual request: can you write like a one shot or headcanons if you prefer of mc who is struggling after the belphie incident ?? Like they feel like they’ve mostly forgiven him and can act normally around him and they’re friends and take naps together but sometimes the flash back just HITS THEM and they have nightmares and panic attacks that can be so bad sometimes someone needs to get Simeon to calm them down. Maybe something of how the brothers react/treat mc and belphie? Idk I’m just thirsting for like MEGA ANGST rn bc my dad made me cry little bit lmao 😭

it comes at night

hello anon! i'm terribly sorry you're in such an angsty mood, though i thank you for all the love-- and for sending this request right as these ideas were on the front of my mind. it genuinely makes me so happy to see people enjoying my work, and it makes all the writer's block and such worth it. i cannot express enough how much i love seeing all the comments, reblogs, etc. as people engage with my work.

anyways. i'm not sure how i feel about this piece, especially with how LONG it ended up being, but maybe that's just my mushy brain talking after looking at it too long. regardless-- i hope you enjoy (well, y'know, in like a sad and angsty way).

synopsis: you thought you would be able to move on like all the others. your body was healed, your anxiety tucked neatly behind a mental wall built to keep you safe. yet something in you was stuck. you couldn't just move on. you were trapped in a battle between your friendship with belphegor and the fear gnawing at your brain as you remembered what exactly he did to you. when the dam finally breaks, your whole brain floods with terror, until you're swept away with it. nobody can save you now.

genre: angst, no happy end, just a big ol spoonful of sadness

word count: ~3.1k

content warnings: chapter 16 spoilers, graphic(?) discussions of death, depictions of panic attacks, nightmares, mc progressively getting worse from fear + lack of sleep

it's funny how time works.

you'd been around your fair share of years. you’d grown, you’d changed, you’d spent your entire life looking toward the future you had planned. then you, a mere human, were yanked into an unfamiliar world. you spent an entire year in the devildom– a year that simultaneously dragged on and flew by– and came out the other side a new person. a single year in the devildom has changed you more than the human realm has your entire life. time was a mischievous thing, always leaving you chasing behind in a fruitless pursuit of something you’ll never quite understand.

but, she also brings blessings with her. they say that time heals all wounds. you've always agreed with that sentiment. scraped knees and adolescent broken hearts are swept away with the passing days, trailing further and further behind you until one day you forget to look back and remember them. the pain scribbled down on diary pages or cried into pillow cases no longer stings like a fresh burn. these things are nothing but scars now. time has a special way of patching you up, of rubbing your back until the tears clear up and you can finally see again. that is how it's always been.

where is time when you need it?

she hasn't quite abandoned you, this much is true. cuts and bruises heal over the passing days. your hair and nails still grow. your body still changes, slowly but surely, marching onwards week after week. yet your mind is trapped in stasis. you struggle to break free, but at times the rot consumes you whole, until you’re crying under the covers and begging from respite from the memories.

on the worst nights, you find yourself in the attic again, watching the door between you and belphegor swing open. you watch yourself march towards death.

you can still feel his hands around your neck, digging his claws into your fragile human skin like you're made of sand. the scent of blood-- your own blood, on the floors, on the walls, leaking from your torso and staining your clothes a permanent maroon-- still clings to the inside of your nose. even your wildest dreams could not erase the sight of his smug grin, the way his eyes lit up looking at your battered body.

no one person should have to carry the weight of realizing they're going to die. that's what you thought about when your body hit the bottom of the stairs, when belphegor tossed you down from the attic with a harsh laugh and punted your limp body into the entrance hall. you thought about how unfair this all was. you were just trying to help. you thought you were doing the right thing.

one of the worst parts of your untimely demise was watching the others react. the voices pool together in your head, like the colors of the rainbow twisting together on the surface of an oil spill. asmo's panicked shriek blends into satan's angry shouts, desperate to understand what's going on. lucifer's yelling almost drowns out the fearful cries coming from levi, held back by a very silent beel.

but above all of that, you remember mammon. your first man, the first demon who took a chance on the defenseless little human, rushing to your side and gathering you in his arms like you were about to break. his hand on the side of your face, the tears streaming down his face, the shaky, desperate voice assuring you that you'll be okay and begging you to hang on, okay? please don't leave me. you can't remember if he was shaking or if it was your body's last ditch effort to stay conscious-- maybe both. your trembling fingers intertwined with his. words came out of your mouth, and you're not sure what exactly you said, but he only cried harder in response.

and then, as your eyes shut for the final time, you woke at the bottom of the attic stairs. you had cheated death.

your price? you had to carry the memories.

the world kept spinning. days passed in the devildom. you returned to school, kept on top of your homework, spent your days in the house of lamentation alongside the seven demon brothers. you even got to know belphegor as he navigated his return home. he quickly grew fond of you. that, in and of itself, was jarring. but you returned each and every smile with one of your own. his actions were rooted in his own grief for his sister, you knew, and for that you could not fault him. you helped him repair the severed relationships between him and his elder siblings, stitching the family back together like a prized quilt until the seams of betrayal were sufficiently hidden.

time is a traitorous bitch. why did she choose now to leave your wounds bare and bleeding?

everyone moved on but you. everyone got to wake up in the mornings without a nagging anxiety holding them back. the others could hang out with belphegor day in and day out without a growing feeling of dread popping up when you think you're safe.

he killed you. he was grieving. your blood drenched the entryway floors as he laughed. he has grown. you watched the light leave mammon's eyes as you slipped away. belphie has been nothing but kind to you since that day. you fucking died.

you wish your mind could pick a side. did you forgive him, or did you resent him? was he your friend, or your killer? these answers evaded you in the dead of night as you struggled to sleep again. it was becoming more common for you to lose hours of rest to these nagging fears. who are you? are you even you anymore? did the switch in timelines scatter your atoms across countless universes, leaving the you that looks back at you in the mirror nothing more than a hollow shell?

you thought that you could keep your mind on a tight leash, keep your cards close to your chest as you continued to live with the brothers. you were wrong.

the first meltdown came during a nap with belphie. you had grown to trust him-- you thought you trusted him-- enough to sleep around him. he'd coax you every so often into an afternoon nap. always in the light of day, always your choice. and for many afternoons, you were perfectly content with this arrangement. belphie was warm and cuddly, a perfect companion for a lazy afternoon. he had this way of making you feel safe as you slept-- the nightmares couldn't come when he was snuggled up next to you, when you were sure his actions were ones of affection and not another trick to gain your trust.

one afternoon, while the sun was beginning to set, you stirred under the warmth of the blankets. the body next to yours lingered close, steady breaths lulling you back to dreamland. you could stay like this forever, you thought.

and then you felt it. the gentle graze of a familiar cow tail against your skin.

something inside of you, a dam you didn't even know was there, snapped. a hot flash of panic rose up your throat as your whole body jerked away from the feeling. your eyes shot open and you found yourself in the last place you needed to be right now: the attic. you pulled yourself out of bed before your brain could catch up. colors flashed across your vision as a consequence. you whipped around, disoriented and upset, and spotted a sleeping belphie in the bed where you once were.

a sleeping, demon belphie.

the familiar curve of his horns made your throat spasm as you tried to breathe. the colors flashed in your vision again-- oh god, what a terrible time to be left defenseless-- as your brain tried to drag you back to that day. you could practically see his face shift from relief to malicious, insidious joy as he began to attack you.

"hehe... does it hurt? finding it hard to breathe? i'm sure it must be very unpleasant."

please. please no.

" i have to say, seeing a human face twisted in pain like this... why, it's so much fun that i can barely stand it! i... i can't contain the laughter!"

you weren't quite sure when you hit the ground, but it was loud enough to wake belphegor from his slumber. he peeled his body off the mattress, slow and dazed, as he looked for you.

"mc? what're you... what's going on?"

please don't. this can't be happening.

your lungs collapsed from the weight of your own panic. you gasped-- once, twice, as your vision went in and out. were you bleeding? your hand loosely brushed at the front of your clothes, but couldn't process whether that was blood or your vivid imagination. were you even breathing? your head felt light and heavy at the same time. the wires in your brain were all crossed, sending both resuscitation and shutdown signals to each part of your body. this feeling... this was too familiar.

were you dying?

"mc, what's going on?"

you came face to face with belphegor. your friend, your killer. the demon who had lured you up to this very attic to kill you, now gripping your shoulders as interrogated you inches from your face.

you screamed. you screamed until your brain shut off completely, leaving you in an inky pit of darkness as your consciousness slipped away.

the house was in disarray for several days. apparently, lucifer came in shortly after you passed out, mammon at his heels, to save the day. you woke up later in his bed, the room cold and empty, with a throbbing head and a tear stained pillow. you stumbled out into his office to find him at his desk, lost in some paperwork like always. the solemn look he gave you as your eyes met told you everything you needed to know.

from this day forth, your fear was now your constant companion.

nobody in the house of lamentation knew how to move forward. not you, not the brothers, not the widening gap growing between you all with each passing day spent in emotional limbo. finally, lucifer called everyone to a family meeting where, over the course of an hour or two, everyone came to an agreement to acknowledge what had happened and why, promised to be mindful of this trauma that you're carrying, and move forward like you requested.

silent days slowly but surely filled back up with laughter again. the brothers came back to your side at their own pace-- asmo first, within a matter of hours, then mammon shortly after, then the others in the following days.

belphegor was the last to come around. his silence spoke volumes about his guilt. he had no clue how to comfort you. he'd do anything to repent for his actions. yet that was the way that life worked, didn't it? some actions simply cannot be undone.

but you didn't let that stop you. despite the panic that closed your throat every time you saw him for the next month, you slowly earned his friendship again. you assured him that the attic incident was a one time thing, the remnants of a lost nightmare blending into your consciousness as you awoke.

until it wasn't a one time thing.

the nightmares crept up on you. the first one happened, of course, that same night, as you thrashed and wept into lucifer's pillows. then a week later, another. a week and a half after that, another. the frequency eventually became higher and higher, until you started planning your sleep schedule (or lack thereof) around your new insomniac tendencies. but even you couldn't manage to stay awake forever.

on a bad night, you'd wake up in tears, crying weakly to yourself as you tried to coax yourself back to bed. on worse nights, you'd shoot up out of bed, limbs tingling in fear, opting to spend the rest of the night in the common room until the others woke for the day. on the worst night, you finally broke. you shattered worse than you could have imagined.

you finally collapsed into bed, body shutting down after a three days of minimal sleep. you were starting to get shaky from the lack of rest, and your lack of appetite was upsetting the others. you crawled under the covers and let your brain slip out of your hands and off to dreamland.

what a fool you were to think you'd get by without nightmares.

visions of demonic teeth tearing at your flesh filled your head. you tried to run away, tried desperately to wake yourself up, but their claws sunk into your flesh. the pain was vivid, was real. memories of your death lived underneath your skin, ready to resurface in the dark of night when there was no escape. you fought back as best you could, kicking and screaming and trying to run, but you were no match for the supernatural strength of your demons. you eventually gave in, an act of learned helplessness, and surrendered yourself to your worst nightmares.

you woke up choking on your own tears. heaving, gasping breaths tried to save you, mixing with coughs as your body struggled to hang on. the tears finally gave way to the memories-- hot blood dripping from your torso, screaming faces begging you to stay, your head going fuzzy as your vision followed--and your screams escaped without a fight.

a mixed cacophony of voices came flooding in the room. you'd be touched by the gesture, seeking comfort in the arms of your dearest friends, if your brain hadn't reminded you that they were demons as well. nightmarish beasts with fangs and claws, predators built to rip your soft flesh from your bones and leave you to die like roadkill.

you felt a hand on your shoulder. who's was it? you could not tell. your first and only instinct was to scream for mercy, hot tears streaming down your face as mammon's hurt expression moved back out of your line of sight. your chest heaved with effort. it felt like your whole body was caving in on itself. you didn't even realize you were shaking as you curled your body into a ball. your side hit the mattress with a pathetic thud and you wept, bitter and fearful, as a panic attack kept you trapped in its grip.

you don't know how long you stayed curled up like that, wordless cries echoing from your room and into the hallway, but eventually the sound of approaching footsteps caught enough of your attention to forget the panic, even if just for a moment.

"hey, it's okay," a familiar, comforting voice approached, cutting through the fear like a moonlight on a stormy night. "mc, it's me, it's simeon. it's going to be okay."

you felt the bed shift under the weight of someone sitting down, and you blindly threw your body at the person before checking to see if it was really him. it took you a few moments to raise your head, and when you did, you saw him: simeon, your angel, blue eyes full of worry as he met your gaze.

you cried in his arms until you fell into a fitful, dreamless sleep.

the next morning was miserable, to say the least. breakfast was tense. they all watched you like a hawk, like you were a powder keg about to explode with one wrong move. you couldn't blame them. you were afraid of your own emotions, and on some level, you were afraid of them. your trauma was making you afraid of the very people you cared about the most. these brothers had welcomed you into their home, took care of you as you adjusted to life in the devildom, and yet you couldn't hold eye contact without breaking in to a cold sweat.

the only person who did not watch you was belphegor. he was nowhere to be found during breakfast, nor dinner, nor breakfast the following day. you tried to seek him out, but somehow the avatar of sloth had become a skilled sneak in his silence.

you finally caught him alone on day four of radio silence. you both had stayed home without realizing the other had also skipped school that day-- you, from the lack of sleep eating at your brain, and belphegor, with his usual routine of missing class to nap at the house of lamentation. he was curled up on the couch in the common room, basking in the warmth of the fireplace in his slumber. you decided to wait for him to wake up. you sat down on the couch opposite of the one where he rested and watched him, quietly, like he'd disappear if you dared to blink.

creepy? yes. but your brain was long ruined by sleep deprivation and gnawing anxiety to worry about such trivial things.

when he finally stirred, you gently called belphegor's name. he took a moment to finally look at the source of the voice, but when he did, his body froze as the two of you made eye contact. a few moments passed in silence. finally, he sat up and began to make a move to leave.

"wait."

he stopped, but his gaze did not meet yours. you rose from your seat and joined him on the couch. the youngest pulled his legs in, twisting his body into a defensive little ball, and countered your next sentence before you could even open your mouth.

"you shouldn't be here with me."

"i think i'm old enough to make decisions for myself."

he shifted uncomfortably in the silence. you spoke again.

"i miss you. and i'm sorry."

he scoffed to himself and stared at the fireplace. "don't know why you think you should be apologizing to me. i'm the one that's the problem."

"you're not a problem, belphie. i never meant to make you feel like one."

every hair on your body stood on end. your hands trembled against your wishes, so you sat on them to stay focused. you had to do this. you had to keep moving forward.

"i hurt you, mc. you're afraid i'm going to do it again."

you sighed-- it came out more shaky than you would have liked-- and looked down. how had it come to this? how had someone you'd grown to hold so dear become a stranger again?

"i don't want to stop being friends. i don't like when you avoid me."

"you still get nightmares, don't you?"

you pause. his icy gaze on the side of your head sent you into a cold sweat.

you smiled-- it felt more like a grimace, personally-- and prayed it didn't come across insincere. your fingers carefully intertwined with his. he met your gaze. you were thankful he couldn't see the way your chest tightened when you made eye contact.

"i'm okay, belphie," you lied.

this fear was going to be the death of you.

#i cannot tell if this is good or not i've looked at it for hours #ask answer #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me writing #obey me fanfic #obey me angst #obey me brothers #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me chapter 16 spoilers #otome

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ascendingaeons · 8 days

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A Year With Ma'at

"The great secret of successful living is to reduce the amount of error in oneself and to increase the amount of truth."

- The Power of Positive Thinking by Dr. Norman Vincent Peale

2023 was a very active year for me. I spent a lot of time working on myself and improving my attitude. In the summer of 2023, I did something very courageous. I asked Ma’at to remove from my life all that did not serve me. I always kept Her at a distance because of my mistaken belief that those who devote themselves to Ma’at would find their lives begin to collapse, as it is in Her Nature to consolidate all that is isfet.

Little by little things began to change. I let go of relationships and beliefs that were toxic, which made me focus intently on the good that remained. Doubt and insecurity were stripped away and replaced by faith and certainty. I walked away from social media and stopped focusing on the news. I felt like I was on top of a mountain. The Universe was wide open to me… then I fell, finding myself in a murksome valley. I began having difficulties in every area of my life and my mindset shifted severely into the negative.

Looking back, this was the beginning of an ordeal. Ma’at did Her Work just as I asked then took a step back as though to say, “I have helped you, now you must help yourself.” That December I looked to the horizon. Come January, I struggled to begin walking towards my new mountain. I did a rune reading with a spread of my design called The Hero’s Journey. Each quarter of the spread is marked by three runes, corresponding to months of the year. I find myself in the third quarter of the year and, so far, everything presented in that spread has come to pass.

In February I began a journey of healing. In March some of my relationships were redefined. In April I started a new job. In May I gained newfound confidence. In June I took steps to secure a better future. In July I began building a career. In August I suffered an injury that led to newfound confidence. As I write this in September, I have found strength and calmness in adversity and received profound wisdom from remarkable individuals. I have an idea of what the fourth quarter will bring but I am choosing to be mindful of the present.

Tonight I realized that Ma’at did not entirely step away. Rather, in removing that which has limited me She left a piece of Herself within me and presented me with opportunities to build upon that foundation. In the wake of the fourth quarter I find myself increasingly mindful of the present moment and implementing the lessons that I learned.

I’ve found that trauma can be released but, in its absence, something must grow. We have a choice of what will take its place and should we forego that choice it will be made for us. There exists a balance in all things. The cosmic struggle of ma’at and isfet is mirrored in human consciousness. To whatsoever we give our greatest passions we will perpetuate in our lives and each cycle ended will be born anew.

Through Ma’at I reinvigorated my practice of gratitude and positive thinking. I have seen just how far positive determination can take someone and now begin to apply its principles to my life. I recall what Bast said to me: “Life can be beautiful if you let it.” Put another way, allowance offers greater rewards than resistance. Embrace Life, my friends, and to you, She will be kind.

Dua Ma’at!

#ma'at #maat #kemetic #kemeticism #kemetism #kemetic paganism #netjeru #gratitude #personal growth #positive mental attitude #bast #bastet #isfet #embrace life

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houseofthelilypads · 1 year

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Shrek Princesses Rewrite Edition 🐸👑🍎👡😴💇

Based on my own headcanons & plans for their roles in my rewrite of Shrek 3. Because if I can redeem Artie and Charming then the ladies deserve that same chance!!

AND DORIS TOO >:[

Fiona

Had a private tutor during her time at the tower

When food wasn't available she took to eating lava bread and smoked rats and bugs

Is heat resistant

She did venture out the tower when dragon was away

Studied martial arts through books and watching on the magic mirror

Her friends often stopped by to visit her, but as they got settled in adult lives grew too busy

Fiona loves kids and hopes to give her own children a childhood she never had

Does carry some resentment towards her parents she only vents in private tho

She can sing but on a normal range. Any higher it well... The bird scene in the first film

She loves swimming and water activities partly due to being surrounded by lava half of her life

Her favorite colors are green and blue they remind her of nature and to her, nature = freedom

Has bleached her hair a few times

She makes mud based beauty products and sell them on the side

Still listens to Sir Justin's music and has been to his concert

Knows of Artie's existence; they bond a lot over their parental issues

Fiona mentors artie how to defend himself, he has some proficiency in martial arts

Inherited her red hair from her grandmother

The reason Fiona was an ogre is partly due to her father being the Frog prince and guess where frogs live?

It's also believed that one of fiona's ancestors actually married an ogre but VERY long ago; the curse just brought out her genes

Fiona loves to stargaze; she also collected obsidian and volcanic rock

Sleeping Beauty

Is in a long distance relationship with the Sandman

Her dress is green because that's the color her disney counterpart never wears

Is the last one to arrive at a ball and the first one to leave

She has beds in every room but is usually found sleeping on the floor

Doesn't want children because she's too exhausted and fears any potential kids might inherit her condition

She actually understands Fiona dating someone who isn't human nor royalty, she dates the freaking god of SLEEP

Has the most patience with Snow because she sleeps through her nonsense anyways

Just like the video game adaptation of the third movie, she has the power to summon an army

Was the most hurt by Rapunzel's betrayal, they were the closest due to their similar backstories and lack of a biological family

Rapunzel

Used to date another prince but he never came back to her tower so she eventually rescued herself. This is why she latched on to Charming in canon (and Bruce in my fanfic)

After getting charged with treason Rapunzel is made to serve community service. She hates it but considers it better than exile

She wears gold to match her hair

She owns a lot of wigs after suffering loss of her real hair (which she shaved off).

Cinderella

Cleans her own home

Lives in a smaller house compared to the rest

The others tease her for it but understands it's to make it easier for her to clean; having spent her whole childhood cleaning a giant estate

Is a master at blacksmithing and glassblowing; what she didn't JUST clean her home she had to do repairs too

Carries some cleaning supplies

Is VERY careful in leaving crumbs

Dislikes rats and cockroaches; she has a cat named Chandelier for this reason (my twist on Disney's Cinderella)

Is working to unlearn her people pleasing

has a better relationship with her stepsisters as adults

Her prince suffers from face blindness and as such gets her confused with other ladies. He even mistook Shrek for her

She doesn't mind kids but she rather work on reconciling with her stepfamily and heal from the abuse than pass down any baggage

The third strongest princess due to years of heavy lifting

Had the closest relationship with Fairy Godmother; was even considered a potential suitor for Charming but Cindy didn't like his vanity and immaturity.

When Cindy finds out about their plan to break up Fiona's marriage she is saddened but not surprised given Charming's past behavior

Snow White

She's my least favorite but I can explain why she acts like that

Developed an Ice Queen persona to protect herself

Living with seven bachelors rubbed off on her

Love rock music

Trained her animals to fight; found the larger animals surprisingly easier to tame

There's another Snow White but she is younger and has white hair.

If she ever sees her MGA doll irl she would be impressed that it's the only doll that managed to stay the most accurate to how she looks. She'd cut the hair

Does feel a little guilty for her mean girl attitude especially after it pushed Rapunzel away so post canon she works to be a little nicer

Her prince is actually the huntsman sent to kill her; he disguised himself as one to warn her of the evil queen

Still visits the dwarves time to time and even lets them live with her

Doris

Chose to reconcile with Cinderella after taking a good long hard look at herself

Is the girly girl of them all

The first thing she brought with her first paycheck was a purple dress, she couldn't afford the color after losing her home

Doesn't like to talk about her mother

After Fiona she is the 2nd physically strongest Princess

Knows every beauty trick in the book, every ingredient, foundation shade, even which brand of Lead

Shaves her legs using a sugar and lemon wax method, she doesn't use razors

She knows my OC Gwynn from when Gwynn was a teenager first arriving at the Poison Apple

She still has a crush on Charming, but tones it down after he starts dating Gwynn

Her friction with Mabel started after Doris expressed desire to make up wth Cindy, Mabel didn't see what they had to apologize for.

After Shrek 3 Doris works at the Candy Apple, which is an extension of the Poison Apple but FOR KIDS

#rapunzel shrek #snow white shrek #sleeping beauty shrek #cinderella shrek #doris shrek #shrek #shrek the third #shrek princesses #headcanons #shrek the third rewrite #princess fiona #fiona shrek

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atomic--peach · 1 year

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Her Grace's Handmaiden pt 21

(Sandor Clegane x Fem Reader x Cersei Lannister)

AO3 version: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48276340

You took to mourning confinement like a bear takes to its hibernation den.

Racked with exhaustion and grief, you spent most days in bed.

Well-wishers were sent away, regardless of rank.

Sandor was the only soul to pass beyond the threshold and with Stannis' ships in sight he knew they must discard their grief in favor of action if they were to survive.

It would be harder for you, he knew.

Sandor had held your child while he died and saw him with his own eyes from the very start of his life to the very end.

Part of you still hadn't fully accepted he was gone. Though you had gone to the crypt and even watched as the craftsmen carved the chosen name into the stone, yout mind could not seem to grasp the fact that your child had been born, lived, and died all while you were asleep.

You never even saw his face.

When your milk came, Pyelle had been kind enough to instruct you how to dry it up quickly. For the first 2 weeks, it flowed and you wept bitterly until eventually, it stopped coming at all. Somehow, that hurt even more.

"Love?"

You didn't answer, having trapped yourself under a mountain of blankets despite the summer heat.

"Y/N."

"What is it?" You breathed.

"You need to stretch your foot. If you don't you won't heal properly."

You didn't respond.

Slowly, you pushed yourself up from under the weight of the blankets. Your body had mostly recovered, even you ankle was hurting much less as long as you didn't let it stiffen.

"No." You said plainly. "Did the king ask why you were gone?"

"No." Sandor shook his head. He eyed you as you rose from the bed. You had taken to lounging either naked or in your robe most days.

Pycelle had warned him that it often took ladies quite a while to recover and that it was in both their best interests to be patient.

You sucked in a sharp breath as you put your weight on the injured ankle, knowing the pain would subside as soon as the limb became reacquainted with movement.

"I missed you today,"

Sandor didn't respond but sat in his chair as you hobbled towards him.

"When will we leave?"

"Soon." He assured, pulling you into his lap. "There are too many eyes watching at the moment, but we will."

"They say you can see the ships from the highest watch tower now." You breathed. "Less than a day away."

Sandor nodded silently.

He had no fear of war.

He'd had enough people try their best to kill him to know he could hold his own.

But it wasn't the battle he was worried about, it was what would happen if the Keep were breached.

The Queen would gather the women and children into Maegor's holdfast in the innermost part of the Keep, and they should be safe until the Queen formally surrendered the city.

But a formal surrender didn't always mean safety.

"I'm going to say something." He began. "Don't get mad."

You didn't respond but listened.

"When the Queen calls for you to enter the holdfast with the other women, and she will call for you, I want you to go."

You stiffened.

"No"

"Y/N"

"You would have me squirrel myself away under the protection of the woman who murdered our son? And tried to murder me?"

"I would have you safe." Sandor snapped, gripping your arms tightly. he loosened his grip when you gasped and glared at him. "You're still recovering. 5 weeks out of childbed with a gimpy ankle, if things go south you won't be able to run."

"I can fight."

Sandor smiled at this and you shoved him a little with a pout.

"Aye, I know you can fight." He scoffed, "We've been here a year and you've got, what, 4 bodies under your belt? You're almost as deadly as me these days."

You snickered at that but grew serious.

"I can't do it. I can't see her. If I do, I don't know what I'll do."

"She's the queen. We will have to see her eventually." Sandor deadpanned before adding, "Her son has decided to enter the fighting when the fleet comes."

"Really?" You blinked before nodding. "Good."

"Good?"

"Good," you repeated. "If we win, his presence will boost morale. If we lose well-. Does that mean you'll be out there?"

"Yes," he confirmed. "But I'll be fine."

"You don't know that."

"I do."

"Don't go." You begged, shaking your head. "If you love me, you will stay here. Volunteer to protect the Holdfast instead."

"I'm no coward, I won't hang back while they beat down the gates."

"Listen to me." You gripped his shirt firmly, shaking him a little. You face was all hard lines and shadows, eyes still rimmed with red and purple, and hair frizzed and frayed from neglect.

"Listen to me. You will not leave me here alone. I will not allow it. Do not ask me to just let you walk out of here knowing you might not come back because I can not do that, not now."

Your grip softened as your lip began to quiver again and you buried your face in his neck. "Please. Please. I am begging you."

Sandor wrapped his arms around his wife tightly.

It wasn't fair to you, he knew that.

But war was never fair.

At the end of the day, he was a fighter.

He relished in the spilling of blood, and the sounds of his enemies dying. It sometimes seemed that was what he was made for.

But your grip on him was desperate, and he knew that to leave you alone now was to condemn you to the madness that lingered beyond grief.

"I can't back out now." He sighed, "But I will not be leaving you alone."

"You can't promise that."

"I can" he assured, pulling your face from his neck so he could look at you. "Don't go when the Queen calls you, instead I want you to wait here. When it's all over and we've won, I will come back for you. But if things start to go bad, I will send someone for you, you might not know them, but when they say I sent them you need to follow them. Dress in all black, take only what we will need."

"We're leaving?" Your heart swelled with hope for the first time in a long time.

"I promised you we would leave." He reminded.

You kissed your husband deeply, holding his face in your hands and only pulling away when you were breathless.

"I love you." You insisted, pressing your brow to his. "Don't die out there."

"I promise." He grinned, kissing back as his hands when from your waist to hip and finally to cup your ass firmly. "And when I came back, we're celebrating one way or another."

You laughed and pushed off his hand, "I'm still sore."

"I'll be gentle."

----------------------

It was at the toll of the bells that Cersei sent for you to join the other ladies in the holdfast.

A young handmaiden, younger than you had been when you took the position, came to collect you with frightened eyes and shaking hands.

You sat on the bed calmly, brushing the tangles out of your hair with a wide tooth comb of carved ivory.

"Tell her grace I am grateful for the invitation, but I am quite comfortable where I am."

A second message came shortly after while you were dressing. He was one of the hired guards in dented armor the palace hired to supplement the men they had. He couldn't have been more than 20.

"You are commanded to report to the holdfast by Her Majesty the Queen Regent."

"Did she tell you to kill me if I didn't come?" You inquired, tightening the strings of your bodice.

The guard blinked at this. stunned.

"Beg pardon?"

"The Queen" you clarified, slipping on a pair of sturdy leather shoes over your stockings. "Did she tell you to kill me if I did not come with you?"

"No, my Lady."

You smiled at him and nodded. "Wait there."

You poured him a glass of red from the stoneware pitcher on the table before handing him the glass. He hesitated to take it but after some nudging finally accepted.

"Tell her Grace I thank her for the invitation, but I intend to wait out the siege here."

"I..."

"Young man." You cut in. "Unless you intend to carry me to the holdfast at knifepoint, I will not be going with you. Do you intend to do that?"

"No, my Lady." The guard shook his head before returning the now empty wine chalice, "Thank you."

It was maybe an hour before you heard a thunderous knock at the door.

Peereing through the keyhole you saw the person you least wanted to meet that night.

"Your Grace."

Cersei was backed by guards but entered without them, storming past as you looked her up and down.

"Lovely night for a siege."

"What is the matter with you?" Cersei fumed. "You dare refuse my orders now?"

You could not contain a sardonic smile, "I figured I would be the last person you wanted to see, all things considered."

"Don't be stupid," Cersei scoffed and snatched your hand, "come on, this is no time for games."

You would not budge and instead jerked the queen back, sending the guards on full alert with drawn swords as Cersei stared at her lover in disbelief.

"What has gotten into you?!" Cersei half laughed in shock, "Have you gone mad?"

"I know what you did, Cersei." You used the Queen's given name for the first time and the sharp edge to it drove a shiver up her back.

Cersei's eyes searched your face. "I don't know what you mean."

"Don't lie." You sniffed dispassionately, "Or do. You've lied so much, it may be a struggle to stop now. But lies or no, we both know what you did. I didn't remember at first, maybe I didn't want to believe it. The idea that you could do something that cruel, that heartless when I loved you so much...It took some time to accept."

Cersei tried to yank her hand from your grip but you held firm, squeezing so hard you could feel the bones in the queen's hand grind against each other.

"But I remember everything now...so no, my queen, I will not be going with you. Not now, not ever again." You pulled Cersei forward, grasping her face in clawed hands, and the guards rushed forward until you pressed your lips to your lover's.

Cersei froze in anticipation, the grip on her face a looming threat. The lips on hers were a tight line, none of the familiar softness and passion she had grown accustomed to.

This kiss bore the threat of fangs and claws that wanted to tear at her face and throat.

When you pulled away, you shoved Cersei towards the door.

"Go"

The Queen lingered, too stunned to speak until the guards saw their chance to seize the villainess before them.

"No!" Cersei ordered as large hands gripped your frame. "Leave her. Let her die out here if that is what she wishes."

You smirked as you were released, your eyes seemed like twin abysses at bore into the Queen's emerald ones.

"Goodbye" you nodded, the word carrying a finality to it that gave the queen pause as she turned to leave, "Gods willing, we will meet again."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

The battle had devolved quickly. Sandor knew it would be a shit show when the Imp set the bloody water on fire.

Men were strewn about the vanguard, some half dead and still moaning in agony.

With half his men dead and the other half fighting for their lives, Sandor didn't wait for permission to sound the retreat. He had no intention of dying for a lost cause.

When confronted, Sandor was struck with a sudden flash of hate. The imp and that idiot boy king, kin to the murderess that nearly took everything from him.

He should be putting their heads on spikes instead of slaying men in their name.

He was tempted, for that half a second as he stared at Joffrey's stupid fucking face he imagined it.

But that would make things too complicated.

"Fuck the king's guard" he finally growled, "fuck the King. And fuck his cunt mother."

No one stopped him when he left, not even the gold cloaks. Part of him wished they'd tried so he could tear their head off, but they let him retreat toward the keep.

As he left he passed Lancel on his way back to the fray.

"Lannister." He growled, snatching the knight by his chest plate to stop him, "I need to call in a favor."

Lancel paused but nodded.

"My wife is in our quarters. Go to her, and take her to the dungeons, below the black cells where they keep the dragon bones. Follow that tunnel and you'll reach the shore outside the city. "

"You're running?!"

"Aye" Sandor nodded, "and if you had any brains, so would you. Take it from me, boy, I know a lost cause when I see it."

Lancel considered this and shook his head, "I'll bring her, but I won't run. It's not honorable."

"I'll make sure they mention your honor on your tombstone." Sandor assured him, "Now go."

When the knock came, you froze. You were careful to avoid any creaking boards as you peered through the crack in the door.

"Lancel." You breathed, opening the door fully. "Gods, you look awful."

He did too.

Splattered with blood and pale, Lancel's hand grasped at his side but he tried to look unbothered.

"Your husband sent me, we have to go."

"You've been shot " you breathed, "poor thing, let me see."

"There's no time."

"Yes there is, come here"

You stripped him of his breastplate and winced at the wound. The arrow had been torn out, but the wound never cauterized.

"Let me bind it, I'll make it quick." You snatched one of the dresses Cersei commissioned and tore at the silk until it was ribbons.

"Keep the pressure." You moved his hand to press a thick square of lace and satin to the hole as you began to wrap strips of fabric would his torso tightly.

Lancel whimpered at the pain and bit his lip until you tied the final strip tightly. The blood would seep through eventually, but it would hold for now.

"Let's go."

________________________________

The keep was shockingly empty. Footsteps echoed off high walls and domed ceilings as you ran through the halls and down into the dungeons.

The Red Keep Dungeons were layered, each worse than the last, but at the very bottom there was a tunnel few knew about.

"I've never been this way" you confessed, shocked to find a part of the castle unfamiliar to her.

"Nor I." Lancel carried a torch to guide them through the darkness with his other hand on his dagger.

For the first time, drenched in torch light, you saw the man that Lancel desperately wanted people to see.

A true and honorable knight.

"Don't go back out there, Lancel." You urged him. "Come with us. You're too good for this city."

"I can't." Lancel shook his head. "I vowed to defend the kingdom,"

You sighed then froze. "Put out the torch."

He obeyed and you were engulfed in pitch darkness.

"I see it" you pointed a hidden finger at the spot of blue and green light ahead of them, "keep moving."

The tunnel let out to a rocky cove hidden in the shadow of the keep. Sandor had secured Stranger from the stables and was waiting for them on the edge of the water.

"We can't stay long, we've wasted enough time."

You turned to your escort one last time, your eyes pleading with his blue ones.

"Come with us."

Lancel smiled, a look you just now realized you had never seen playing on his lips.

"Only one horse" he excused lamely.

"Lancel-"

"Thank you." He cut in, "for being kind to me. You were the only person who ever was."

He looked past you to Sandor, who waited impatiently, before nodding respectfully.

"So long, my lady" Lancel kisses your knuckles softly, showing his high-born manners as if you were a true lady and not a pretender. "I do hope we meet under happier circumstances."

You mounted Stranger behind Sandor and watched the young knight disappear into the rocks.

The sounds of warfare could be heard just over the hill as the two of you took off down the shoreline.

You looked over your shoulder as you fled, watching the keep grow smaller and smaller against the blue-black midnight sky.

#cersei lannister x reader #sandor clegane x reader #game of thrones fanfiction #her grace's handmaiden

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thatonebirdwrites · 1 month

Text

Finally. I've been so ill lately, that it's taken me forever to edit this and get it posted. I feel bad about that. I've spent so many days bedridden. I could barely eat, barely get out of bed, struggling to even clean myself up. It was just awful. The flare-up was horrendous thanks to the disability hearing and some other harmful things that happened all at once. My dissociation has been through the roof.

But I'd like to think my health is stabilizing now? I hope so. Writing is my main coping mechanism.

Excerpt:

When the world shifts on its axis in a metaphorical sense, Lena Luthor prepares for the worst. It’s her coping mechanism. If she is prepared for the worst, then she’s prepared for anything, right?

This logic doesn’t hold up when faced with healing from trauma. How humans process trauma differs from aliens. She can rationally and logically prepare, but her work centers a human mind. Sure, she’s slowly branching L-Corp beyond human-centric models. Hiring several alien scientists and green-lighting their projects has aided in this endeavor. Opening Luthor Hospital to alien medical personnel and patients also aids in better understanding.

She’s talked with Sam, Nia, Kelly, and even J’onn about what to expect. Alex isn’t answering her phone, otherwise, Lena will have talked with her too. It’s J’onn that gives her the biggest insight.

“Think of it this way,” he says. He sits in his red armchair next to a wall of bookcases, the ground floor of the tower he’s been building since he left the DEO. Lena finds the wall fascinating, and wants to dig into the treasure trove of books, but instead, she focuses on J’onn. “Kara’s first thirteen years of life was in a rigid homogeneous culture. One where everyone had a place in society, often pre-determined from birth. She’s learned some flexibility in thinking since coming to Earth, but she’s also fallen into that rigid approach far more times than I can count.”

Lena sighs. “Like her reaction to the Kryptonite during the worldkiller crisis.”

“Yes.” J’onn leaned forward, his arms on his knees. “Her trauma spoke louder than her rational-mind, and her laser focus pointed in the wrong direction. That rigidity from her culture flared, and it is only when she realized she was losing you, that she made a decision to do better.”

“Wait, what?” Lena stares at him. “What do you mean losing me?”

J’onn smiles, sadly. “She shared of your elevator conversation. Where you said Supergirl acted like your mother. That you’d never trust her again. She came to me devastated, wondering how to fix it. I believe she still beats herself up over it.”

“Oh.” In all honesty, Lena hasn’t thought about that conversation in over a year. “I tend toward overly dramatic language,” she says, quietly. “And at the time, I didn’t want to ever trust Supergirl again.”

“What caused you to trust her again?”

Lena shakes her head. “I don’t know.”

J’onn’s words haunts her the rest of that day and the next.

She understands to an extent rigid thinking. She’s seen it in Lex and Lillian, and glimpses of it in her father. She also understands laser-focus on a topic, as she does it herself when chin-deep in a project.

She wants to be able to view things through Kara’s lens, and she hopes Kara will be able to view things through her lens. It’s a simple metaphor, one to bridge the gap between her human experience and Kara’s alien one.

Likely it’d be easier to discuss this with Kara herself, but that proves daunting. So Lena leaves it for the therapy sessions. Yes, she knows unraveling a lifetime of trauma in one session of therapy is unrealistic. It doesn’t stop her from feeling frustrated that the first session is only fifty-five minutes. She wants to get it all done and over with in one go, but that isn’t how these things work.

She likes to think she’s prepared for the glimpses into Kara’s trauma. The deep grief Kara hides surfaces randomly. Lena has learned to sit with Kara, let her weep or rage as needed, and be present to hold her through it all. It’s not that different from what Kara has done for her.

This still isn’t enough to prepare her for therapy with Kara Zor El Danvers. She doesn’t realize until their first session how intricate and delicate the web is within Kara’s mind.

#supercorp #lena luthor #kara danvers #writing #supergirl #therapy #mental health #planning and scheming #weaving different days with the therapy scenes #superfriends #cw supergirl #supergirl cw #supercorp fic

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violet-shadows · 2 years

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Missing Piece (Part Twelve)

Series Index | Masterlist

Summary: Cassian and Nesta are happily mated and in love, so why do they feel like something is missing? When a newcomer arrives in the City of Starlight, they learn that their bond is not yet complete.

Pairing: Cassian x Nesta x Reader (She/Her) (Poly Relationship)

Word Count: 3.7k

Warnings: non-graphic discussion of death and execution

A/N: Second to last part! I say it every time but y’all blow me away with your kind words of support.

⊱ —————— ❈ —————— ⊰

I woke up the next morning feeling renewed. The ache in my ribs had all but subsided, and for the first time in days, the bright sunlight filtering through the window did not make me wince. I blinked, blurry-eyed, and thought back to the night prior. For a moment, I thought it was yet another filthy dream, but as my mind cleared I realized the truth of it. I felt my cheeks heat, arousal and a hint of embarrassment flooding me. I was no virgin, but had I ever done something so sensual? So erotic? I hadn’t, but I had also never orgasmed so hard in my life.

“Good morning, beautiful,” Cassian’s rich voice surprised me, and I rolled over to find him sitting against the headboard, a book discarded in his lap. “Sleep well?”

I grinned and nodded, scooting across the bed to tuck myself into his side. The musky scent of desire still hung in the air and I felt slightly drunk from it. “Where’s Nesta?” I asked, resting my head against his chest. He curled an arm around me, his hand settled on my hip where he rubbed circles with his thumb.

“She went to meet with Rhys and Az,” he said, his tone taking on a serious edge. The mention of the Shadowsinger and the investigation of my attacker was sobering.

“Oh?” I said dumbly, trying to keep my heartbeat in check. The time I spent locked away with my mates had been so peaceful that I thought less and less about the circumstances that brought me there.

“He has information,” he said carefully, “about the male who attacked you. And the others.” The others were the males from the street who had been in his company. My encounter with them was only days prior, but it felt distant and insignificant in comparison to the altercation that followed. Cassian’s hold on me tightened as a knot formed in my stomach. “You can know as much or as little as you’d like. If you want to forget it ever happened, we can do that, too. No matter what, it will be taken care of.”

I paused, contemplating his offer. It was tempting to continue on in ignorance, to never learn the darker details of the male’s presence in Velaris. But I was not a child ignorant to the woes of the world, and I had long since learned naivety did not equate to peace. “I want to know,” I said, staring out the window at the blue sky beyond; such cheerful weather suddenly seemed out of place.

“We can meet with Azriel today,” he said, “or whenever you’re ready.”

“Today,” I replied. “The sooner the better.” The longer I waited, the more sinister theories my mind would spin up. But first, I had another task I was determined to get done, one that would remove the final barrier in place between my mates and me. “I told Madja I would come to see her this morning, to get medical clearance.”

“To return to work?” Cassian asked. I looked up at him, not missing the smirk on his handsome lips. “Or for something else?”

“Clearance for work… among other things,” I said, shooting him a wink. I could feel him shift slightly beneath me and resisted the urge to squeeze my thighs together. Before things could escalate further, delaying our day, I placed a chaste kiss on Cassian’s cheek and went about dressing.

“Why did Nesta go see Azriel and the High Lo—Rhysand before us?” I asked as we made our way to the balcony, ready to take flight toward the healing halls. The last time I had soared over Velaris was with Azriel when he flew me home the night of the attack. I shuddered at the memory, wishing once more I had taken him up on his offer to bring me to the House instead.

“She was eager to learn what they found, and wanted to speak to Azriel alone,” Cassian explained, “to make amends.” He swept me into his arms then, holding me tight as his wings spread wide. I shrieked in surprise as he leapt into the air, unable to help the giddy giggles that took hold as we began to soar high over the city.

“Make amends?” I asked when the initial shock of taking flight wore off. “Whatever for?”

“She was cross with Azriel, for leaving you alone that night,” he explained, his eyes going distant. “He feels guilty, as well.”

“Why?” I asked, bewildered. Azriel had rescued me from the males on the street and given me instructions to keep the door closed. It was my own lapse in judgment that allowed the attacker entry. “It’s not like he knew that would happen, and he was leaving to investigate on my behalf.”

“I know,” Cassian sighed, his voice weary. I studied his face, noticing how his jaw was clenched and his brow furrowed. “But Azriel doesn’t miss things often. He’s… ashamed that Hestas slipped through his net and that you got hurt. He blames himself. Nesta did too, at first.”

“Hestas?” I asked, not recognizing the name. Cassian’s jaw twitched, his hold on me tightening almost imperceptibly, and it dawned on me. “The male… the one I killed.”

“The one you defended yourself against,” he was quick to correct me. I swallowed back bile, my mind drifting back to that night in my apartment, to the sound of him choking on his own blood. Hestas. He had a name. “You did nothing wrong.”

I nodded, not believing Cassian’s words but appreciating them nonetheless. I tried to redirect my thoughts, knowing that Madja would not clear me if she detected my inner turmoil. Instead, I thought of Azriel and his misplaced blame. “Do you blame Azriel?” I asked. “Because I don’t.”

“No,” Cassian replied, his face pinched. “No, but… I was upset. So was Nesta. Things were said…” Something like regret colored his tone, and I tightened my grip on his neck. “Nesta has a temper. In hindsight, she doesn’t blame Azriel either. They’ll work it out… we all will.” We reached the healing halls then, cutting our conversation short. I made a mental note to thank Azriel when I saw him later and to reassure him that he wasn’t to blame for what happened.

Madja greeted us when we entered the clinic, directing me to sit in a patient chair so she could examine me. It felt odd, being on this side of the interaction, and I squirmed under her scrutiny. She confirmed what I already knew, that my ribs were well on their way to being healed and the concussion had subsided. She unwrapped my hand and was pleased to find the skin beginning to knit back together. “It’ll scar,” she said absently, a fact I already knew. Cassian’s breath hitched and I saw him tense from where he stood by the window.

“I don’t care,” I said, as much for his sake as Madja’s.

“Still, make sure to massage the scar tissue and keep stretching your hand. We don’t want it to contract and limit your range of motion,” she reminded me. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes, remembering how I sat in the same room days before, providing a patient with identical instructions. “Sorry,” Madja smiled, “force of habit.”

Cassian excused himself, saying he would go pick us up breakfast while we finished up. There was a darkness in his eyes that wasn’t there before, and I resisted the urge to ask him what was troubling him. Madja finished her exam, pleased with the way the cut on my head was healing as well, and a knock sounded at the exam room door. “Come in!” I called out, expecting Cassian.

Ezran and Elise all but burst through the door, with Elise nearly tackling me in a bear hug. “I was so worried,” she cried, squeezing me tight until Madja swatted at her, whispering about my ribs before stepping out to give us privacy.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Ezran said, stepping forward to give me a far more gentle hug. “I should have walked you home that night. I don’t know what I was thinking, letting you go off alone.”=

Elise’s eyes began to water, her usually calm demeanor crumpling. “I’m so sorry,” she whispered, her voice breaking. “I’m such a bad friend.”

“No!” I rushed to refute her. “I’ll tell you the full story later but you couldn’t have prevented it. Trust me.” I wouldn’t have anyone feeling bad about something that was ultimately the fault of only one man: Hestas. The name sent a chill down my spine.

“So… you two,” I said, changing the subject as I looked between them. Elise flushed and she bit her lip to contain a smile. Even confident Ezran’s cheeks darkened slightly and he smiled, casting an affectionate glance at Elise. “When did that start?”

“Not long ago,” Elise admitted. “We were going to tell you, I promise. That night we just got… carried away.”

“I’ll say,” I agreed, laughing as I recalled walking in on the pair. “Well, it’s about time I suppose.”

“About time?” Ezran asked.

“That you two got together,” I clarified. “You’ve only been flirting since we met each other on the road here.” They laughed, exchanging a meaningful glance. It was the kind look new lovers shared, one of mischief and vague apprehension.

“So you approve, then?” Elise asked, unable to hide her smile.

“Yes, I approve,” I told her.

“Speaking of our love lives,” Ezran said, plopping onto a chair. “How are things going with your fearsome mates.”

Elise’s eyes lit up and I faked a grown of annoyance as she gripped my arm, “tell us everything.”

I did not, in fact, have time to tell them everything before Cassian returned, a bag containing our breakfast in hand. He tensed when he saw my visitors, but forced himself to act casual as he greeted them. I wondered if that territorial bent of his would get worse or better when the bond was accepted. Elise and Ezran politely excused themselves, still somewhat apprehensive about making small talk with the Night Court General, and Cassian visibly relaxed when we were alone again. “Are they…?” he asked, catching sight of their intertwined hands as they left.

“Together? Yes,” I confirmed, retrieving a breakfast wrap from the bag Cassian presented. “It’s new.”

“Hmm,” Cassian shrugged, tearing his eyes away from the door to watch me eat. He seemed deep in thought and I nudged him with my toe.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

“Nothing…” When I shot him an incredulous look he relented. “Just thinking about what happened. It’s not fair, for someone so innocent to bear scars for life.” I shrugged, looking down at my lap. I didn’t want to tell him that I didn’t feel innocent, nor had I for a long time. Healing was noble, yes, but it was not sainthood. I reasoned it was an unfair trade, to take a life in exchange for a scar, and it was I who got the better end of the bargain.

“Where’s your breakfast?” I asked, changing the subject swiftly.

“Ate it on the way over,” he said. I cast him a teasing glare and he laughed. “I was hungry!”

“Madja cleared me,” I said in between bites, “to return to work when I’m ready.”

“And are you?” Cassian asked. “Ready, I mean?” I thought of the impending meeting with Azriel and what findings he might reveal. What if more of Amarantha’s soldiers were roaming the city like Hestas, unidentified and unchecked? Would I ever feel safe enough to venture out without Cassian or Nesta?

“I’m not sure,” I shrugged, looking down at my half-eaten wrap, which was suddenly less appetizing than before. “Let’s see what today holds, I suppose.”

“Whatever you need,” Cassian said with a nod. He would support me no matter what, I realized then. They both would, and the thought made my throat tighten.

⊱ —————— ❈ —————— ⊰

I wasn’t nervous until we landed on the grounds of what Cassian called the River House. The estate was the High Lord and Lady’s primary residence, and despite its grandeur, it felt more homelike than I had imagined. Despite being mated to two members of their Inner Circle, it still felt intimating to step into their personal space. What would my mother say, if she could see me now, waltzing into the High Lord of the Night Court’s home as if visiting an old friend? Cassian seemed to sense my nerves and took my hand in his again once we were inside, giving it a squeeze. I followed him through the large home towards a sitting room, where Feyre, Rhysand, Azriel, and Nesta were seated. The mood was somber, but Nesta’s expression brightened when she saw us.

“Good morning,” Nesta greeted us, patting the seat at her side in invitation. Imbued with new confidence at the sight of my other mate, I took a seat at her side, greeting the others in a manner far more casual than felt natural. “We were talking about Azriel’s findings,” Nesta explained, resting a hand on my knee, “it’s up to you how much or how little you want to know.”

“All of it,” I said quickly, glancing around the room. Feyre flashed an encouraging smile, but Rhysand and Azriel’s expressions remained grim. Cassian came to stand behind my seat, his hand resting on my shoulder.

“First,” Azriel spoke, “I’d like to apologize. It was my error that put you in danger, Y/N, and for that, I am terribly sorry.” His shadows snaked upwards, hovering around his face as if to hide it from view. “I hope you can forgive me for leaving you vulnerable. For failing to protect you.”

My heart ached for the male before me as I saw inner turmoil slip through his mask of calm. I didn’t know Azriel well at all, but I had picked up on one thing: he took his job seriously. He saw himself as a protector of the Night Court, and his family in particular. I supposed, by extension, I was part of that family now. Or I would be soon, at least if all went according to plan.

“Azriel, what happened wasn’t your fault at all. You couldn’t have known he would come after me,” I said, his eyes met mine but did not betray his thoughts. “If anything, I owe you my thanks. Who knows what would have happened if you hadn’t found me on the street.”

“I appreciate your understanding,” he said with a nod, his eyes flickering to Nesta and Cassian. Nesta gave him a nod and a small smile, and I wondered if it was a quiet apology for her part in blaming him.

Rhysand spoke next, drawing the attention of the room. “I owe an apology as well, for allowing such a dangerous criminal in my court. Keeping Velaris safe is of utmost importance, and it grieves me that a male so vile was able to harm you in this city.” His eyes were downcast as he spoke, only meeting mine when he was finished talking. His words held an undercurrent of deep rage and the air sang with power. I knew some of what the High Lord had endured at Amarantha’s hands, and I imagined finding Hestas here felt like a violation for him as well.

“I shouldn’t have opened the door. Azriel told me not to, and I didn’t listen,” I replied, trying to shift some of the blame back toward me. I didn’t like the thought that they might feel responsible for me, not when it was my own mistakes that led to such a grim outcome.

“It’s not your fault,” Cassian said sharply, the hand on my shoulder tensing.

“It’s Hestas’ fault,” Feyre added. “And by extension hers.” There was no need to clarify of whom she spoke, for Feyre spat the word like a curse. I nodded in agreement, looking back at Azriel and Rhysand to continue.

“You were, of course, correct about the male’s identity as one of Amarantha’s soldiers,” Rhysand explained. “He came here under a false identity as a laborer working to unload cargo on the Sidra. He kept a low profile, and slipped past our safeguards by not registering his residence properly.” Azriel stiffened, his hands clenching at his side.

“He wasn’t here alone,” Azriel added, his voice low and tone deadly. His shadows swirled in tight coils at his side, and it occurred to me how terrifying it might be to be the subject of the Shadowsinger’s ire. “Two of the males that harassed you in the street were his subordinates in the war. The others weren’t involved, as far as we can tell, but they were complicit, and for that, they’ll be punished as well.”

I nodded, swallowing thickly as I mulled over this information. Amarantha’s people walking the streets of Velaris was a sickening thought, as though their presence alone might poison the land. Perhaps it would, given the chance. Perhaps it already had. “What was their end goal?” I asked, wringing my hands.

“Exploit the good graces of the people of Velaris,” Rhysand replied bitterly. “And remain undetected like the cowards they were. They thought no one would suspect such a bold move as to hide out in the Night Court. I suppose they were right, in a sense.”

His word choice caught my attention, and I looked between him and Azriel when I asked, “were?” Rhysand cocked his head and I clarified. “You said ‘cowards they were’. Are they… dead?”

“They were executed, following questioning,” Rhysand replied, regarding me cautiously.

“Does that trouble you?” Nesta asked, no hint of judgment in her tone.

“No,” I shrugged. Perhaps that was what bothered me the most: that I wasn’t disturbed by their death. In fact, I was relieved. “Are you sure you’ve caught all of them?”

“We believe we’ve identified and apprehended everyone associated with Amarantha or complicit in harboring the fugitives. I will continue to monitor the situation personally, and guards have been doubled within the city. If more remain, they’ll be found out before long,” Azriel explained. I nodded, slumping against the back of my chair as tension bled out of me. They were gone, and Velaris was safe. I was safe.

“There is something else,” Rhysand added, sharing an apprehensive look with Feyre. “I didn’t make the connection until recently, but you should know that I knew your mother when we were Under the Mountain.” The air left my lungs as though I’d been socked in the gut, and I waited to draw breath until he continued speaking. “She helped me, several times. She was very kind. Her loss was felt deeply, and I’m sorry for it.”

I gulped, willing myself not to break down as questions swirled through my head. For so long, I had resisted picturing her Under the Mountain, afraid that if I imagined the torment she may have endured I might drive myself mad. I wanted to beg Rhysand for every detail he had of her as much as I wanted to run from the room with my hands over my ears. He sensed my indecision, and continued, “As a skilled healer, she was quite valuable. That protected her to some degree. I won’t lie and say her time was pleasant, but she was treated well in contrast to many others.”

Tears spilled over, rushing down my cheeks, and I stifled a sob as I asked, “What happened to her? How did she die?” ‘You don’t want to know,’ I screamed at myself internally. But I needed to hear the truth.

“Amarantha would often forbid prisoners from being healed, as a form of extended punishment. Your mother was kind, she couldn’t bear watching them suffer. She was caught dressing the wounds of a male who had been whipped,” Rhysand explained, his own voice rough with emotion. My body shook as I began to sob, and Nesta pulled me into her arms while Cassian rubbed my back. “It was quick and painless,” Rhysand explained. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t—.” His voice cut off, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Feyre reach out to take his hand. I was struck by the sincerity of his words and how much he regretted being unable to save my mother. How many other deaths did he carry with him, weighing on his conscience?

“Thank you,” I whispered, “for telling me… and for caring about her.”

“I see a lot of her in you,” he replied. “I’m glad Cassian and Nesta were fortunate enough to have you as a mate.”

I offered a watery smile and nodded, glancing at each of my mates. “I’m glad as well.”

⊱ —————— ❈ —————— ⊰

We left the River House in the early afternoon, and despite the heaviness of our conversation, I felt as though a weight had been lifted off of me. I had long accepted my mother’s death, but the unknown manner of it had haunted me for years. Knowing she hadn’t endured the torment many Under the Mountain faced, remaining kind until the end, was the closest thing to closure I could hope for. Cassian flew both Nesta and me home, lightening our mood by dipping erratically through the skies. I squealed as he did so, giggling in amusement as Nesta glared sharply at our mate.

“What did Madja say?” Nesta asked once we returned home, guiding me to sit with her on the couch.

“She cleared me to return to work,” I said, my eyes darting between the two as I added, “but I don’t think I’m going to quite yet.”

“Why’s that?” Cassian asked, looking me up and down. “Do you not feel well enough?”

“No,” I shook my head, feeling heat creep up my neck. “No, I feel perfectly fine, actually. I wanted to take some time off for another reason.”

“And that is?” Nesta prompted, and I could practically feel her anticipating building.

“So I can spend time with my mates after I accept the bond,” I said, holding my breath as I waited for them to react.

“Really?” Nesta asked, a wide grin breaking out on her face. “You mean it?”

“Are you sure you’re ready?” Cassian asked, grasping my hand tightly.

“I am,” I nodded. “If you are, of course.”

“Yes!” They said in perfect unison, and the three of us laughed.

“We’re ready,” Nesta added, her eyes shining with unshed tears, “whenever you are.”

“Good,” I said, standing to head towards the kitchen. “How does right now sound?”

⊱ —————— ❈ —————— ⊰

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foolinafable · 1 month

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iv. genesis

SYNOPSIS: He doesn’t know how to love. You know this and yet you would still give everything just to be with him- even for just a moment. Or the story of how you and Keith finally get together. PAIRING: Keith Kogane x Altean reader WORD COUNT: 4.9k TAGS: Slowburn, Angst, extreme cannon compliance, fighting SERIES LINK: a love as cold as ours

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You aren't sure if this could get any worse, sat in the control room of the Castle of lions which has completely shut down because Shiro put in a kill protocol, Pidge was able to turn it off but the castle has lost significant power and the battle with Lotor is far from finished so you needed to keep your energy and strength.

Everything happened so fast, early on today you, Lotor and Allura had just made it into the quintessence field, all of your hard work had paid off and you were so happy and now- now you struggled to know how to feel. Your heart hurt from Lotors betrayal as he had become a very close friend, a brother almost in the time you spent together but you were sure that wasn't the only reason you were feeling this way. Keith's sudden return has sent you spiralling all the emotions you locked away after your confrontation during the Kral Vera have been thirsty to the surface leaving you upset and angry. It hurts you to know that while he was one of the most important people in your life he just saw you as a nuisance. You have come to terms with the idea that you did love him, it wasn't just some factless infatuation that went away when he did and even now when you would rather be face to face with Lotor than with him, deep down you still love him and you hate yourself for it greatly- I mean there is nobody else to blame it’s like he told you he can’t love and even if he could he really doesn't want to. You were stupid to think that maybe one day he would change his mind, especially for you of all people who he clearly just want to leave him alone.

“You still bleeding” Lance huffed from behind you, hand on your shoulder to make you aware of his presence, you simply turned to him in confusion eyebrows knitted together as he pointed to the nash on your forehead from when Shiro knocked you out your eyes brightened in recognition smiling in thanks but before you could get around to fixing yourself up Keith appeared on the comms, you averted your gaze when it seemed like he staring right at you and simply blocked him out as you used your powers to heal your forehead letting Lance and Allura take control of the situation- not that he would want your input anyway. You simply skimpier off towards the lions when he shows Lotor’s location to prepare yourself and the rest of the lions for another altercation not even bothering to say anything.

You didn’t like Allura’s plan. Not one bit trapping Lotor in the quintessence field would probably not only kill him but also any chances of finding a permanent source of natural quintessence a clear way to bring peace to the Galaran empire and stop this war. If you break the entrance we would never be able to return meaning all the work put towards this would be for nothing. Alas, Allura was correct that this was the only way to stop Lotor.

“Lotor will be here any second, what's the plan?” Pidge asked, looking at the destruction the lions had just created.

“Well, the castle of lions has broken down. So there's no help there.” Allura spoke her thoughts aloud trying to find a pathway for the group. “The black lion isn't with us, so we can’t form Voltron. We are just going to need to do what we can” she finished sounding dejected.

“Got it, attempt to survive,” Pidge replied

“Last time we fought Lotor, we had six ships and Lotor had two and he still kicked our butts. This time he has three ships while we have five ” Hunk reminded us you simply took a shaky breath before speaking “Well it was never going to be easy” while Lance, annoyed, responded “We don't have time for your maths equations hunk! Especially ones that result in us taking a beating” the rest of the team went quiet as Allura spoke to Coran. When you saw the three ships appear, you tried to control your breathing as they got closer and you tightened your hands on the lion's controls.

“We need not fight today, We are all on the same side” you heard Lotor speak over the comms tears filling your eyes as you thought about everything he had done- all the innocent lives he had taken and found yourself quickly filling with rage at the idea that he would ever be on the same side as you again- if he ever truly was. “I know what you all must think of me now that you know my past. It doesn't have to change our future together. The truth is I want to harness the power of the quintessence field to better the universe, just like I said. Nothing has changed” you quickly interjected “Everything has changed” your voice so sharp you heard him inhale in shock.

“You enslaved countless Alteans harnessing their life source for your personal gain. How many innocent lives did you destroy?” Allura raged at him “Allura-” he tried to interject but she didn't let him “How many?”

“It’s true many alteans perished in my quest to unlock the mysteries of the quintessence. But I protected thousands more, and I rescued their culture- our culture. Both of you must understand I've given everything I have to plumb the depths of King Alfor’s knowledge, to unlock the mysteries of Oridane. We have come too far together, surely you can see the greatness we have accomplished and the greatness we have yet to. Join me, we are on the same side.”

“No, we're not!” Allura roared as she sent a laser beam towards Lotors ship which he quickly dodged. You braced yourself knowing that now the real battle was about to begin.

Everything was a blur, Lotor’s words afterwards and Alluras bites the only words echoing in your head were his “destroy the lions” the way he said it so easily, as if it was of no consequence to him and maybe it wasn't but it sent you spiralling barely able to dodge incoming attacks from Lotor and his generals and consistently missing your targets. You knew Coran was able to get the castle working but only due to it nearly crashing into you and Lance. Lotor was constantly trying to hit you and Allura raged in a way you had never seen before something crazed in the way he spoke about ridding of you all even the galra a fact that shocked not just you but also his generals who tried to escape when learning of his plans only to be ejected from there ships leaving them in space while the ships joined knot his to create a large robot similar to that of Voltron.

“What is that thing?” Pidge questioned as the five of you looked up at the robot “he's created his own voltron.” Lance spoke your thoughts aloud

“That is why he was using us- using me” Allura concluded

“We helped him build this” you announced shock evident in your voice

“Well the good news is it’s now four on one” Hunk spoke recalling his earlier words but before any more words could be spoken Lotor came rushing towards the group

“Watch out” Allura shouted as you all quickly tried to disperse but he was too quick catching you and Lance with the robot’s fingers sending you flying and whipping Hunk backwards with its tail, Pidge tried to fire at the robot but it quickly dodged

“it’s way faster than us” she hollered out as you all tried to get a hit in before being quickly body-slammed by the robot. Coran was able to get a shot in from the castle of lions but Lotor quickly sent one back sending the ship into a panic

“Impossible, Lotor’s weapon has completely repelled the castle's attack!” Pidge screamed,

“Coran shoot it with the cannon again!” Lance pleaded

“I can’t” Coran replied the ship was now completely out of action

“Pidge get out of his line of sight!” Lance screamed as she nearly got hit only for you to push her lion out of the way with your own causing the rest of them to scream your name in worry as you let out pained noises “What are you doing?” Lance shouted at you as you moved once again into Lotors sight in the hope he would hit you again

“If I can absorb enough of his power-” you stopped to grunt in pain as he hit you again “I might be able to give it back” Lance made a noise of confusion

“What do you mean- you going to get yourself killed” as he tried to move you lion away with his own

“I gave his ship the ability to do this so I must be able to do it myself” is all you replied as you once again moved towards Lotor

“but it's not safe” Lance pleaded

“What other choice do we have- just sit around and let him destroy us all?” you shouted back when a choked gasp came from you once you were hit again sending you flying forward your head hitting the console of your ship, you simply gritted your teeth as the team called out to you in worry but they were quickly all grunting and screaming themselves as Lotor locked onto them

“We can’t take this much longer!” Allura shouted fear evident in her tone while Hunk was shouting for Lance as he went flying from Lotor’s impact. Before you could gather enough energy to send something his way all the lions had shut down, seemingly unable to fight any longer and the paladins were completely out of options

. “It didn’t need to end like this, but you have made your choice” Lotor spoke as he went to deal the final blow when the black lion finally appeared- it seemed that the fight was far from over.

“Keith, how did you get here so fast?” Lance questioned, clearly astonished

“I had some help” was all he replied “Now hurry we don’t have much time. Form voltron!” Keith quickly sent a space pod with Shiro's body inside towards the castle “Coran you’ve got incoming” and he couldn’t have gotten Shiro away at a better time as Lotor quickly sent a blast towards Voltron but Lance and Pidge quickly activated the shield protecting you from the blast “Hunk form canon” Keith commanded

“You’ve got it” the yellow paladin grunted as he activated his weapon, sending a blast towards the Lotor who quickly moved out of its path even as the laser chased him not once did it hit his robot.

“He’s too fast!” Lance called out alarmed

“Then we will have to get in close, form a sword” Keith responded, his voice sounding raspier from all the shouting. You quickly formed the sword and in retaliation, Lotor’s robot formed its own swords, one for each hand and came bounding towards Voltron causing the robot to move backwards due to Lotor’s robot’s momentum swords clashing against each other like a moth drawn to a flame. Lotor sent you all flying back with a whip of his robot's tail as Pidge called out

“We can’t touch him, he's still too fast!”

“We need to stop him moving around, back him into a corner or something” Hunk strategised

“Hunk is right, we need to eliminate his speed advantage, and limit his movements” Keith agrees. You all turned your heads to take notice of a large asteroid to the left of you “There” Keith announced as you flew towards it hoping the curvature of the rock would allow you to trap Lotor within “Now we lure him in close” and luckily Lotor took the bait following you right into the trap sending a blast towards you which you used the shield to block pushing you into the rock below solidifying your position and his continuous blasts caused the area to fill with ash from the rocks making him unable to see you anymore, he circled back trying to attack from behind “wait for him” Keith spoke softly as you heard him getting closer from behind the rock “let him build up speed” you could hear the whirring of his engine get louder and faster “Now!” Keith screamed as you moved the Voltron as quickly as you could as Lotor crashed into the rock from behind leaving an explosion of ash in his way. Before he could realise what was happening you quickly threw Voltron in front of him firing both arm cannons right the robot’s body sending him crashing backwards as the middle of the asteroid caved in due to the weight and power.

“Where'd he go?” Hunk questions when you look into the hole as you see nothing. You all move the robot around looking for him when Pidge calls out worriedly

“he’s behind us!”

Keith, quick to take action, calls out “Hunk, Hit him with the shoulder cannon!” to which the yellow paladin responds before preparing a blast “Fire” Keith called out as Hunk sent the shot but as it got closer to Lotor he disappeared.

“Did we get him?” Lance questioned

“I don't know” Hunk responds hastily

“I think we got him” Lance smiled

“It looked like he just disappeared” Pidge spoke eyebrows furrowing in confusion

“Yeah! We got him!” Lance sounded out overjoyed

“I’m not so sure” Allura complained

“That was too easy, that can’t be it” you spat out hand whirling with ideas of where he could've gone and how you heard Keith make a noise of unease through the comms as your head turned to the side when you saw a hole open up with Lotor inside as he quickly sent a punch towards Voltron sending you flying back a strange purple hue surrounding his spaceship.

“Is everyone okay” Keith grunts as he tries to recover from falling backwards into a rock

“How is he moving so fast?” Pidge interrupts

“We’ve gotta get up and attack” Keith responds sending Voltron hurtling back towards him but he disappeared again before you could get close

“Okay, so that time we definitely didn't get him” Lance says confused but before anyone else could speak you gasped out as Lotor appeared once again sending you backwards and then again appeared behind you sending another hit to the robot and then another causing you all to grunt in pain as he kept hitting you around like a ball on a ping pong table expect he was the only player. He disappeared again, not immediately coming back when Hunk next spoke “How can he keep disappearing like that?” to which Allura responded clearly shaken up “He is, entering the quintessence field- at will!” causing you to take a shocked intake of breath while the other continued to question her idea “how is able to do it?: you heard Pidge chime to which you responded “I gave his ships the ability didn't I?” to which Allura sighed telling everyone that you were correct but before anything could be said Allura grunted as Lotor reappeared sending the ship backwards as you stayed the ship the shield quickly had to be activated as Lotor sent an extremely powerful blast towards you, much stronger than the ones previous sending the robot backwards due its sheer power causing a large explosion completely knocking down Voltron before disappearing once again into what you now released what the quintessence field.

“We have to go after him” Keith spoke clearly exhausted “Getting power from the quintessence is the only way we can match his strength”

“Can we do that” the yellow paladin questioned

“If he can, so can Voltron right?” Pidge asked you

“My father did it once, but it was extremely dangerous” Allura called out

“Well I don’t think we have much of a choice princess” you called out

“There right allura, we have to try” Keith agreed with you sending annoyance to curl up into your being but now isn't the time to be upset- you could be upset if you make it out alive.

“I might be able to guide us in, but I don’t think I’m powerful enough” Allura concluded

“Then I will do it just tell me what to do” you replied solemnly hoping that you were strong enough for this, that Alfor was correct to keep you alive in that sleeping pod instead of himself.

“I will need everyone to focus their energy” Allura commanded “while you need to picture the quintessence field” You closed your eyes quickly picturing the abyss you had seen only hours prior when you could feel the energy of the paladins right next to you, guiding you. You opened your eyes as a bright light appeared “Form sword” you heard Allura call out as you flew towards the light hitting it in the centre with your sword causing light to reflect everywhere as the hole grew, your vision clouded in the brightness.

You could hear the astonishment of the paladins as you began to open your eyes, in disbelief that you were here- the quintessence field “I did it” you mumbled to yourself in relief but before you could bask in the beauty of the area you saw him, standing opposite you in the field, swords drawn both robots flew towards each other ready to engage in another battle purple meeting blue once more as the robots fought against one another.

“We took a major shot, but I feel fine” Pidge comments to which Allura responded

“All this quintessence is keeping us at full power” a comment that made you still worry

“It’s more than that, can you hear your lions talking to you?” Keith asks and he was right you could feel your lion purring in the back of your head commanding you on what to do “Voltron is capable of more than we imagined” he finished sending a laser towards Lotors ship while your hands and body were buzzing with power glowing even without you thinking about it an idea that amazed you but also made a feeling of dread appear in my stomach but you weren't sure why. But you didn’t have enough time to voice it as Lotor came rushing back “Attack!” Keith shouted and you went flying back into him sending shot after shot at him but you felt as if time was going too fast, barely able to keep up with what the other paladins were doing, a fog seeding to haze over your mind as your body began shaking and flinching.

“Let's end this!” you heard Pidge scream

“Finish him!” Lance responded

“Let's destroy that guy!” Hunk exclaimed

“We have to get out here!” you heard Allura shout as she called out your name in worry at your lack of response while the other paladins sounded out confusion at her words

“What are you talking about” Keith asked

“This is exactly what happened to Zarkon! Exposure to all the quintessence turned him into a monster!” Allura shouted

“She's right” you spoke breathlessly a lot quieter than normal “There’s too much of it everything- I don't know how much longer we have” but before anyone could question you more you heard Lotor’s voice calling out mockingly “Poor alteans, all the power of the universe at your fingertips and your too afraid to use it!” then he flew towards you again

“They are right we are out of control” Lance stated

“All our systems are overloaded” Pidge called out

“I know the feeling” you grunted out as the power signed through your body your sensitivity to quintessence was greater due to your power

“Here comes Lotor” Keith warned as you flew Voltron away from him now trying to escape him rather than fight him.

“How do we stop this?” Hunk questioned

“We give Lotor all the power he wants” Allura concluded as she pulled Voltron backwards to face him.

“All this excess energy, I will just give it to him” you called out to paladins blocking away any of their worries as you closed your eyes and focused on the power within you, the connection to your lion caused you to also channel the burning power exceeding from Voltron causing a large beam to shoot out of lion chest right into Lotor robot that was still trying to inch closer to you, as the blast died down you could see Lotors robot was down sizzling and defeated as the haziness withdrew from your being, no longer shaking from all the quintessence your body was trying channel.

“Let's grab Lotor and get out of here” Keith announced as the alarms blared within the robot

“No, we can’t! We need to leave now” Pidge responded and she was right there was only a matter of time before the quintessence got too much again

“We have to try!” Allura pleaded

“Pidge is right, if we stay in here much longer and Voltron is done for” Hunk announced when a large crackle of energy hit Voltron sending you all groaning in pain

“But we can't just leave him!” Allura argued as the ship was starting to sway electricity jolts electrocuting you all

“Allura we have to go now” Lance pleaded

“There isn't anything we can do for him anymore Allura” you spoke guilt wracking your voice that you were going to leave him here to die, a man you thought of even still as a brother

“Lotor made his choice. Let's get out of here Allura” Keith reasoned and Voltron finally moved away from him blasting out of the quintessence field through the hole you had created.

“If we had stayed in the quintessence field, we would've kept fighting until we destroyed ourselves” Allura theorised “Just like Lotor.”

“What did you do to him?” Keith asked you, his face appearing on your comms but you refused to look at him. “I transferred all the excess energy from myself and Voltron, it’s a technique I learned on Oridane, thanks to Lotor.”

“Thank you, you saved us” Lace replied solemnly as you stared at all the holes Lotor left into the quintessence field “Not just us, the entire universe” Hunk concluded as the castle of lions drew closer behind you “Oh! Your back” Coran declared relieved

“Lotor is no longer a threat” Keith spoke mournfully

“Right I’m afraid we face a bigger threat now” Coran began “All of Lotors jumping in and out of the quintessence field has created multiple growing rifts in the fabric of space and time”

“What does that mean?” Lance questioned dejectedly

“It means unless we do something fast, those tears will continue to expand until all of existence as we know it has been destroyed” Pidge answered

“There has to be something we can do” Keith announced and he was right everything couldn't end here

“Scanning the rift for any strand refabrication possibilities” Pidge announced

“I’m running a few different models to see if there's any chance it can close on its own” Hunk added but both came up empty-handed.

“How long do we have?” Keith asked

“Well based on the way those rifts are expanding I’d say about 15 doboshes” Coran theorised

“Allura, is there anything either of you can do?” Lance questioned

“I don’t know” Allura started “I just don’t have that alchemical knowledge”

“The only thing that could possibly pull that rift close would be a source of gravity more powerful than a supermassive black hole” Pidge called out

“Allura, Coran” you spoke hesitantly as an idea was brought forth into your mind “The teleduv”

“What about it?” Keith questioned

“They’re right, to make wormhole jumps, the teleduv creates a brief flash of infinite mass. There might be a way I can overload the reactor to seal the rifts. If one of the flashes went off on the rift it may be enough to close it- do the job” Coran answered for you and despite him not being able to see you you smiled slightly in thanks, glad to know your idea wasn't crazy and that you didn't need to speak to him more than you needed to.

“But that would mean, sacrificing the castle of lions” Hunk realised gloomily

“Well, what choice do we have? Either way, the castle would be wiped out.” Pidge reminded him

“But still” Hunk began pausing for a moment in contemplation “it’s been our home”

“I hate to say goodbye to my grandfather’s creation” Coran called out wistfully “The last piece of the real altea”

“That's not completely true- we are the last pieces of altea coran don’t forget that” you attempted to comfort the older man

“Coran begin preparations” Allura called out “Everyone else start unloading the castle, we need to evacuate immediately” You quickly transformed back into the lions and made your way for the last time into the hangers collecting items as you made your way into your rooms and other various location surround the castle collecting personal items but also weapons and technology that you could need. Subconsciously you tried to stay out of Keith’s way just in case he tried to speak to you. The idea of having a conversation with him makes your throat feel tight and a pit arises in your stomach, your body trying to warn you away from him for safety, something it used to draw you towards him. Luckily he seemed disinterested in speaking with you at this moment, very busy clearing up and getting Shiro situated with his mother and space wolf within his lion. You stood with Coran as he said goodbye to the castle waiting with him before he entered your lion with you “Goodbye old friend” he called out as he initiated the teleduv before running with you to your lion and then rushing out the way with the rest of lions praying that this would work you looked at him with tears in your eyes as he touched your shoulder going to hold his hand as he stared at you with the same pain in his eyes. You all grunted at the impact of the rift closing before it all disappeared as if it was never there in the first place.

“It worked” Hunk called out cheerfully

“You did it Coran” Allura called out over comms as you looked at him again smiling sadly at him

“And look” Hunk commented going closer to a blue light where the castle once was

“What is it?” Keith asked

“It’s a diamond” Hunk responded as his lion opened its mouth to take the crystal “The pressure crushed the castle of lions into this little crystal” You all smiled that the castle survived into something that Coran would always have- his grandfather's last surviving creation far from gone.

“Well, we saved all realties everywhere, what do you guys wanna do now?” Lance questioned glum

“We need to find someplace to land,” Keith began, “and see if there is some way we can help Shiro.” so you all went flying forward looking for somewhere safe.

You landed on some sort of destroyed rocky planet and got Shiro out of the healing pod, Keith lay him on the ground as you all looked at him woefully “This body is barely living but Shiro’s spirit is still alive. It’s inside the Black lion, I've heard him talk to me.” Keith told you all

“He-he tried to tell me but I didn’t realise” Lance realised falling to his knees as tears shed from his eyes “I’m so sorry Shiro. I-I didn’t know. I- I could’ve-” Lance sobbed feeling defeated as you came up behind him to try and comfort him but he only stopped crying once Allura came up to the two of you grabbing your hand and moving you towards Shiro and the black lion while she touched Lance’s shoulder with the other, you immediately understood what she knew you could do. You quickly connected with the black lion, hands glowing as you did, the black lion outlined in your purple quintessence as it’s eyes glowed. Your body quickly became purple like the lion as it transferred Shiro's soul to you. You walked towards Shrio’s hands on his head as you began to transfer his soul into this body, the glow transferring to him making his hair go white. Everyone held a berated breath as they waited for something, anything to happen and then his eyes opened- Shiro was alive. He quickly sat up coughing before he once again collapsed into Keith but the black lion roared in happiness causing the rest of the lions to roar in response causing a smile to grace your face as the others cheered and cried. “You found me” you heard Shiro speak quietly to Kieth using all his strength “We’re glad you’re back Shiro” was all he replied while Allura came up to you “Rest,” she said directed at Shiro but you knew from how her eyes drifted to you it was meant for you also, she could take it from here for the time being.

“So what are we going to do?” Hunk questioned “The castles been destroyed”

“There is only one place that has the plans necessary to build a replacement” Pidge announced “Coran gave them to my dad”

“We’re going home.” Keith announced.

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