#she has a children's book coming out soon too and it sounded so interesting. i liked her a lot

[britneyshakespeare]

you know at the end of the day today i was chatting w some other paras. i was a special ed para for a seventh grader today that's what i did. and the last block for them is just learning center and it's chill and it's friday and some of the kids were making pizza and no one was really doing anything or stressed or bothered so the kids and the adults just have various little shooting-the-breeze sessions although im usually not that active in these bc Im Shy, And A Substitute so i feel very out of place a lot of the time. but anyway i had never really talked much w either of the paras i was with today and we struck up a conversation about some stuff and one of them says to me "you know just so you know i LOVE your hair" and she turns to the other para and she's like "isnt it gorgeous? dont you love her hair?"

and i kinda blushed and said thank you a couple of times and looked down bc that's what i do when i receive a sincere-sounding compliment unexpectedly. and then i chatted a little more before i kinda drifted out of the conversation and opened my book and after a page or two one of them asked me about what i was reading (it's Song of the Cell: An Exploration of Medicine and the New Human by Siddhartha Mukherjee if you were wondering and i started it a few days ago). so i told them a bit about it and started chatting again on the topic of reading and i guess i was just naturally smiling and the same one who complimented my hair said "look at those dimples. i just can't w you"

[hannahssimblr]

That evening after I drive home the house is a battlefield. As soon as I let myself into the hallway the sounds of some escalating conflict are sweeping through from the kitchen, but it doesn’t surprise me. It’s been this way for months. I just toss my car keys onto the table and head upstairs. 

“Think about the way you make me live!” My mother shrieks as I shuffle through my desk drawer to retrieve my iPod and the noise cancelling headphones I use for my laptop. My dad says something in response, his rumbling tones infuriatingly calm, unfazed. He always speaks to her with such a patronising air of reasonableness, so honestly it’s no wonder she’s going insane.

“Ivy?” I knock on her bedroom door, “I’m back. Can I come in?”

Her voice is quiet within, “Yeah.”

“Hey, what’s up?” The noise from downstairs is louder I come inside, but Ivy’s room is right above the kitchen. I know she has been listening. She is perched on her bed kneading a corner of her blanket in her little hands, body tense and static like a startled cat. 

Mom raises her voice even further in shocked outrage, “What are you saying? Do you regret our children?”

“I just bought a cool new album,” I say, “do you want to hear it?”

“What’s it called?”

“Contra. You remember Vampire Weekend, right?”

“Um...”

“You liked their last album.”

“Did I?”

“Here,” I climb to my knees in front of her and plop the headphones onto her head. They’re big on her and want to slip down towards her jaw until i carefully adjust them while she watches me with interest. Everything I do is interesting to Ivy, even my thumb circling the dial on my iPod as I navigate to the first song on the album. I grin into her face, “can you hear me?”

She nods, so I crank it up, “how about now?”

She gasps, “It’s so loud! I can’t hear you!” 

“Good,” and I sit right by her, on the floor by her bed while she lays back and tries to hum along to songs she's never heard before. She does it in mom's car every time the radio comes on, which is apparently irritating, but I don't think so. She's a musical kid who is just trying to work something out in her head.

As I listen to her weird little melodies I doodle with a ballpoint pen I found in the pocket of my jacket. I've flipped to the back page of one of her school copy books, and I know she doesn’t mind, she can bring them into school and tell her classmates that she did them if she likes. 

Every now and again pieces of the argument are clear enough to understand, mostly mom’s side. “You do nothing around here, what are you talking about?” She screams, “You just sit in your office all night and-” some muffled aggression. Then at one point she brings up Fergal from work, which is a poor choice, because it really sets dad off. I know this because I finally hear a shocked “how dare you!” from him, which seems fair, actually. 

Fergal from work is her boyfriend. Or was, maybe, I don’t ask. All I know is that Fergal from work exists and that my mother was having an affair with him for, like, two years or something. I googled him when I first started hearing his name thrown around like daggers through the rooms of this house, and he’s pretty much how you might imagine a Fergal. He’s older, weedier and less good looking than my father, with hair so fine and light that his eyebrows are hardly visible and a hairline like the tide has gone out on it, but his smile is sort of kind. His LinkedIn picture has him smiling broadly and the lines on his face and around his eyes suggest that he’s spent a good chunk of his life doing just that. Smiling. Aside from likely being nice, he’s probably ten times more interesting than Christopher too, which has to be the real selling point. I bet that listens to her when she talks to him and makes her laugh, if she’s still capable of that, so I can’t really be angry with her about Fergal. I might have done the same thing as she did if I ever felt so trapped.  

I must be listening too obviously because Ivy slips the headphones off. “What are they saying?”

“Stupid shit, Ives, it’s not interesting.”

She pauses and says in a very small voice, “Do you think they’ll get a divorce?”

I turn to her, “They might. But I don’t think it’d be such a bad idea. Do you?”

She shrugs. 

“At least if they divorced they’d stop fighting.” At least eventually.

“They fight a lot,” she whispers, “I hate it.”

“Yeah, same.”

“What will happen to us? What if neither of them wants us?”

This surprises a laugh right out of me, “It's not like they'll have a choice. Did you think we’d get thrown into an orphanage or something?”

“Maybe.”

“I think you’ve been reading too many of those Jacqueline Wilson books about the kids from broken homes. Next time we go to the library we’ll get you something a bit less sad and tragic, do you think?”

She shrugs, but I'll get her into Goosebumps yet. I am determined.

“You want to know what I think?”

 A nod.

“I think them being divorced would actually be fine, because at least they wouldn’t be doing this all the time,” I tilt my head toward the floor, shaking with the reverberation of the slamming patio door, “And also we probably wouldn’t have to be around dad half as often.”

Ivy looks conflicted, “Well I don’t not want a dad.”

I almost tell her that Christopher isn’t that interested in his role as her father and the way that he interacts, or more accurately fails to interact with her, is not normal, even if it’s what she’s used to, and that I bet Fergal would be a better dad, but I figure it’s probably not the wisest to mention any of that. 

“He’ll still always be your dad, just like how mom will always be your mom and I’ll always be your brother, you know? No matter what happens or how things change. You're made from him, you know? That doesn't just go away.”

“I don’t want change.”

“Everything changes, all of the time.”

“I don’t like it.”

“You don’t have to. Things move on whether you like it or not, and you have to accept it.”

Her eyes fill with tears, “I don’t want you to move away either.”

“No, c’mon,” I scramble onto her bed and pull her into my chest, “I know, but I can’t stay here forever, I’m an adult now, I’m going to have to go, but it’s not right away…” 

“Yes, but soon.”

I hesitate, “Oh, Ivy, it’s, like-”

“And then it’ll be just me, and everything will be different,” as tears overflow I understand that it’s not just about this, it’s about everything, all of the chaos and the disruption that I cannot fix. I just shush her and rock her side to side. It’s hard for her, but I refuse to lie to her about what might happen. 

“I need to move away, I feel like I don’t have another option.”

“But why?”

“I- I think you’ll get it when you’re older, maybe. It's just very important to me.”

“I won’t see you anymore.”

“Yes you will, maybe not as much, but you’ll get used to it really quickly. And imagine if I went to college somewhere really exciting, you could come and see me and we could do all kinds of fun stuff, yeah? Like if I’m in Paris, imagine, I could take you to Disneyland.”

She sniffles, “Paris?”

“Yeah, you loved Paris a couple of years ago, right?”

She nods and rubs her eyes, “Could we try and go up the Eiffel Tower again?”

“Duh, and you’d be old enough not to be so scared.”

“Maybe-” a thick swallow “maybe even your new house would have a balcony and we could see it from there.”

“Oh, for sure, and we’d get pastries from the bakery downstairs in the mornings, they'd just so happen to be best ones ever, and there’d be a man playing the accordion outside- no, everywhere, like, no matter where we go, he’s there with his swirly little French Guy moustache...”

She giggles, “Is he following us around?”

“Oh, yeah, a total stalker, actually. Maybe we’d have to call the French police on him.” 

We both laugh as she dries her face with her sleeves. Coming up with all the very French things we would do in Paris, every detail down to the layout of my beautiful Haussmann style apartment overlooking the Seine is nice.

I'm not stupid, of course, I know perfectly well that the reality of a move to Paris would involve me and Michelle stuffed into a Chambre de Bonne tiny enough to touch both walls at the same time, tripping over half baked art projects and every possession we own, our pent up frustration causing us to have screaming matches that would wake up the whole arrondissement, but it’s nice to be an idealist for a minute or two. 

“Where else could you live?” she asks me once we’ve exhausted all of the parisian stereotypes and run out of hypotheticals. 

“Hmm, how about Amsterdam?”

“Oh! Anne Frank lived there, we read the book at school last year.”

I tell her that yes, if I lived there I’d take her to see the house with that stairway hidden behind the bookcase, and then we would... cycle around the place and annoy everyone because she’s so unsteady on her bike. I make up a story about how she keeps swerving out of her lane and getting in everybody's way, eventually causing a giant bike pile up along the canal like some sort of rat king of Dutch cyclists.

“Where else!”

“Um, Berlin...” and I purse my lips and try to think of things to do in Berlin that are appropriate for a nine year old, but for some reason all I can think of is a surly line of leather clad druggies in front of a techno club. “They like going to nightclubs, I guess…”

“I can go to a nightclub.”

“Yeah, as if! You’d hate it, it’s just loud music and everyone bumping into you. Hey, you know there’s one nightclub in Berlin that’s so exclusive that they only let the coolest people in Europe inside? You have to wait in line for hours and if they think you’re even a little bit uncool then they send you home.”

Her eyes get wide, “Really? Hm. I think I could get in.”

The idea of Ivy being let into Berghain makes me guffaw, “Oh, you think so, do you?”

“Yeah I’m cool enough!”

“No you aren’t.”

“I am,” she leaps up and pretends to strangle me while I hold her at arm's length, “there’s no such thing as a cool nine year old.”

“There’s no such thing as a cool eighteen year old either.”

“Uh! There is, you're looking at one. I would get into that club, no doubt.”

“No you wouldn’t, they wouldn’t even let you in the line.”

“Nah, they’d beg me to come in because I’d make it cooler.”

“They’d see you coming and pretend to be closed.”

As we laugh and make stupid, childish jokes at one another I’m aware of an acceptance I feel with her that I don’t around other people. I’m never really so blatantly stupid and goofy in public, but Ivy, who has become my favourite person in the world, no matter what I do or say it’s funny, and she never thinks I’m weird, at least not in a bad way. I can fully let my guard down. Even though the fighting has stopped I don't really want to leave, but the moon has risen now, and the grasshoppers are chirping. Ivy has to sleep.

I gather up my headphones and iPod and get up, despite her protests and attempts to come up with more funny things we might do as we galivant through fictional Europe.

“You're stalling,” I say, “you know well you have to go to sleep now.”

“No, no! Just one more thing!”

“Nope! Sorry! And don’t forget to brush your teeth, or I’ll tell dad.”

She pulls her ugliest face. She knows I’d never, but it’s funny, like telling a christian kid that Satan is watching.

I shut the door very gently. It's not particularly late, maybe ten, but the house is morgue quiet, almost eerie, like the aftermath of a hurricane. 

Beginning // Prev // Next

[queen-of-deans-booty]

Angel Heart: Part Two

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~1.8k

Warnings: canon angst and violence, extra angst

Summary: The one person who knows where your children are is Castiel. The one person who matters to him is Claire. You get to find out the answer to the question: who does Castiel love more? Your kids or Claire?

Season Ten Masterlist

Author’s Note: I do not own anything from Supernatural. All credit goes to their respective owners. I love seeing any and all comments <3

x

Sam must have found Claire by now or else he'd call. He found her room easily and has been sitting in the dark waiting for her to come back. When she does, she is certainly surprised.

"Took you long enough."

Claire gasps when she sees Sam.

"How did you...?"

Sam holds up the postcard she gave him. "Also, you checked in under the name 'Claire Novak'. A little pro-tip? Use an alias."

"Okay," she scoffs.

"Claire, we just wanna help."

"I didn't ask for your help."

Claire walks past Sam to the bed so she can pack her things. Sam looks behind him at the far wall where there are clippings of her mom, a map showing the locations she's been sighted in, and other things regarding her mom.

"You know, this is good. I was impressed. How did you get the information that she was here?"

Claire tosses him a book, a book that her mother journaled in. "It's mostly empty promises and regret, but there were enough breadcrumbs to get me here."

"How did you get your mom's diary?"

"The motel manager sent Mom's stuff to her last known address after she disappeared. It bounced around and eventually found its way to me at one of the foster homes."

"You came all this way just to tell her off?"

"Do you always get along with your mom?" she scoffs.

"I never got the chance to find out. My mom died when I was a baby."

Claire's face falls. "I'm sorry. I didn't..."

"Oh, no, it's okay. I got to know her later in life, and I suppose we got along okay."

"What?"

"In this line of work, death isn't always permanent."

"This is different," Claire sighs. "My mom left me."

Sam opens her journal and reads a passage. "'Claire, I'll be home soon. We'll be home soon.' That doesn't sound like somebody who wanted to abandon you. Did you check her credit cards?"

"They wouldn't send me her records."

"Okay, I know you need to be somewhere far away from all of us, but let me get my laptop. I'll teach you how to hack into her credit card records. It'll help you get a lead on your mom."

This piques her interest. "Show me, but then I'm gone."

Sam leaves and gets the laptop out of the car he stole. Claire hangs onto his every word as he shows her how to hack. It's basic but it's enough to give her what she wants.

"There we go."

"Seriously? It's that easy?"

"Yes. I can also show you how to set up fake credit cards. It will make life on the road a lot easier."

"You guys are credit card scammers, too?"

"Yeah. Hunting monsters doesn't exactly pay the bills."

"Then why do you do it?"

"To help people and make a difference."

"That's it?"

"That's not enough?"

"Looks like to me Y/N isn't doing it to help people."

"Look, she's soulless, okay? Everything that made her good is gone. She's walking around with the bad parts of herself. We're trying to get her back. Just don't take whatever she says to heart. She's only doing it to hurt you."

The door opens and you, Dean, and Cas walk in. Cas wanted to get her a little stuffed animal as a parting gift which you verbally laughed at. Claire is immediately on edge when she sees you.

"Don't worry, buttercup. I'm here in good faith."

"Don't listen to a word she says," Dean bites out and closes the door.

"Why are you here?" she asks.

You look at Cas with a smirk. "I'm here to help."

"Sure you are," she scoffs.

"Did you find Ronnie?" Sam asks.

"Yeah, he gave up a name--Peter Holloway. He said he was a faith healer."

"So, what are you thinking? Angel?"

"Maybe but it sounded like he has healed some people, but he may have fed off others."

"Yeah, that's weird. Alright, let's look into this Peter Holloway guy."

Sam gets to work on his laptop while Cas walks over to Claire with the gift he bought.

"Happy Birthday, Claire." She doesn't know what to say but takes the gift. "I got it at Al's Toy Barn."

Claire pulls out a plush cat from the bag. "Thanks, I guess."

"Whoa. I just got an alert from the local P.D.," Sam says. "Ronnie's body was just found outside of Susie's bar."

"You were just supposed to talk to Ronnie. What did you do to him?" Claire gasps at you.

"I didn't lay a hand on him."

"Y/N, that's not exactly true."

"Okay, but I didn't kill him."

"Alright, I'm gonna get suited up and head back over there," Dean says.

"I'm coming with you," Cas says.

"I'm coming with you, too," Claire adds.

Dean looks at Sam.

"You wanna get in on this?"

"No, I should probably stay here and research Holloway."

"Do I have to come?" you ask.

"Yes."

You roll your eyes and follow Dean out of the motel room. Claire is next, eager to get in on the action.

"Cas, wait," Sam says. "What happened at the bar?"

"We've all been worried about Dean getting worse but Y/N is. I'm afraid she's getting to that line where if she crosses it, she can't be saved."

You four head over to the crime scene where a bunch of officers are already at. The detective in charge is off to the side checking something in her notebook.

"Officer? Agents Clapton, Page, and Cocker."

"Whose your little friend?"

"None of your damn business so just tell us what we need to know," you say.

You show her your glowing red eyes, and her eyes glow the same color. She immediately becomes cooperative.

"Stab wound. Clean through. No sign of robbery. Wallet and everything was still on his person."

"What are the red marks there on the point of entry?"

You look closer to see a large triangular hold where the blade pierced his body Below the hole on either side are two small, circular holes.

"Burn marks, maybe. I don't know. We pulled his cell phone records. He made two calls to the same number prior to the attack. I tried the number, but the line's dead now. Probably a burner." Her phone rings. "Will you excuse me?"

"The wound looks like an angel blade, but the point of entry is wider. I can't explain those marks," Cas says.

"Best birthday ever," Claire mutters.

With nothing left to get at this crime scene, you head back to the motel where Sam is still typing on his computer.

"Hey, I got a lead on Peter."

"Oh, good because he's probably about to split town. Ronnie made a few phone calls before he got shish kebabed."

"You think to give Holloway a heads up?"

"If he did, that's probably what got him killed. So, we gotta track him down before he bails."

"Great. According to county records, Holloway owns a farmhouse about thirty or forty miles from here, so I cross-referenced it with Amelia's credit card receipts." He gets up and points to Claire's big map on the wall. "The house is about right there, and she's been hitting up Biggersons and Gas n' Sips all around the area, probably staking the place out.

"What are we waiting for? Let's go." Claire says eagerly.

"Claire, you are not going out there," Cas says.

"She's my mother."

"That house could be empty and it could be a trap. It's too dangerous. I can't let anything happen to you."

As Cas talks, your mark burns with intensity. It's been itching for another kill and your eyes immediately go over to Claire. The only reason you went on this stupid hunt is her. If you're going to do anything, now would be the time. Not now. Be patient.

"Anything else you mean," she scoffs.

"Claire, you're not going," Dean says.

"You're not either, Dean."

"What?"

"You might not have been the one to hit Ronnie but I could feel the anger radiate out of you. If Y/N didn't do it, you would have."

Dean is about to protest when Sam jumps in.

"Dean, Cas is right. We need to keep the Mark in check. We don't know what's out there. You know, maybe you should... Maybe you should stay here."

"You want to bench me again? What about Y/N? Are you gonna bench her? She has the Mark, too."

"You're not the one with magic. Magic that can obliterate anything," you smirk. "See them try to bench me now."

Dean keeps his mouth shut and you smirk.

"Alright. Fine. I'll stay and babysit." Dean turns to Sam. "If anything happens, anything at all--"

"Yeah, we'll call you. No fighting."

"Yeah, tell her that," Dean scoffs and points to Claire.

"Both of you," Cas says sternly.

You leave with Sam and Cas, once again in the back seat. You like it back here. You can observe them without them knowing you're watching them. Cas is a very hard man to read because he's an angel. You can't get inside his mind otherwise you'd have gotten the location of your kids before you had to get out of the car yesterday.

"When this is over, should I leave Claire alone?" Cas asks.

"What? No, man. She's family. Well, I mean, she's not exactly family but she's close enough. I mean, you two have history. Simple as that."

"So, do you think she's better off on her own?"

"Cas, she just turned eighteen."

"You were alone when you left for college at that age, weren't you?"

"Yeah, but that's different."

"How, Sam?"

"Here's all I know... Going it alone is no way to live. You being there for her, even if she thinks she doesn't want you to be there for her is good for both of you."

"Maybe."

You slide over to Cas so you're closer to him and touch his arm. He tenses when he feels you but he's not going to show you that he's afraid of you. You squeeze his arm and let him feel your magic and its power.

"So, where are my children?"

Cas is rock solid now. He looks over at Sam who looks at him. Neither of them says a word. You squeeze a tad harder and Cas clears his throat.

"I don't know."

You laugh and squeeze his arm much tighter now.

"I don't believe you."

Cas looks at you with a deadly glare.

"Get your hand off me."

"Or what?" His eyes shine blue to warn you not to mess with an angel. With your kids on the line, he might be willing to do everything in his power to protect them and you're not sure you'd win a fight with him... now. You let go of his arm and his eyes dim back to their normal color. "When I ask you again, and I will, have a better answer."

Sam doesn't say a word for the rest of the trip because he's scared he'll say something to make you suspicious that Cas knows more than he's letting on. You already are but there is slight doubt in your mind that he knows anything and Sam wants to keep it that way. Sam pulls up to the farmhouse and scopes it out.

"It looks abandoned," Cas says.

"Only one way to find out." You get out of the car first followed by the two men. Sam walks around to the trunk where the weapons are and grabs what he needs. "You two take the barn, I'll take the house."

x

Follow my library blog @aqueenslibrary​​​​​​ where I reblog all my stories, so you can put notifications on there without the extra stuff :)

[ohmotherwhereartthou-if]

Me and my friend love your story. We can't wait for chapter 2. I saw this on another interactive fiction blog but how would the romantic interests react catching their kid sneaking out while they are a teen to see their lover.

Hello,

Thank you for the kind words! I'm glad you and your friend like it. 💙

I'm working away on act 2, we are getting there. 😉

Now unto your ask,

Cassandra: Ooh they are so dead lol. She would totally be the type to be sitting in a chair, in the dark waiting for them to creep through. She is so damn mad but won't yell, she sounds very calm; which makes the whole scenario even more terrifying. In classic Latina mom fashion, you are never too old for a ass whooping and I expect that is exactly what they are about to receive. Grounded for 4 months at least. After she has called down she will give them a very serious "I am very disappointed with you" talk, she expects better behavior from her children and while she will always love them, she will not tolerate being lied to.

Cass: ...

Kid: ...

Cass: ...So, who's the guy/girl?

Valeria: Laughs at the theatrics and tells them they should know better than to try and keep secrets from the nosiest woman alive. The only punishment they are getting is her dragging them to the table and having to tell her all the details. Why did you think you needed to hide this from her? Are you embarrassed? Who's the lucky guy/girl? No wait, let her guess... She then proceeds to list literally everyone she knows her kid has ever talked to. The whole conversation is very painful, for the kid; Valeria is having the time of her life.

Tomás: Ouch. He is very hurt, you can see it clearly on his face. Why did they hide this from him? This is the equivalent of lying to him, he takes that very personally. He is quiet for a moment and I think the kid would be too, once he gathers his thoughts his voice is quiet but firm, "Just... go to your room. Please."; he decides to handle this in the morning, after spending most of the night awake brooding and taking comfort cuddling with MC. He feels like he failed as a dad if even his own kids feel like they need go lie to him. If the kid is a boy he will have a father-son conversation with him in the morning, talk about how he doesnt need to lie and how to know your with the right girl and all of that. If he has a daughter, God help the idiot who convinced her to sneak out; as soon as Tomás finds out who is trying to woo his baby girl away from him he is killing the little bastard.

-

Ludovica: Heartbroken her kid thinks they need to hide anything from her. She wants to be their confidant, somebody they can always confide in, with anything. This shows that her child doesn't feel this way about her and this just breaks her heart. Definitely cries and asks MC to handle the situation but to not too so harsh on them.

Aurelio: Smirks and acknowledges that they are definitely his kid. He makes a big show pretending that he is mad when he really is not, he chastises them and says they are in so much trouble! As he promptly drags MC front in center saying "As you mother/father is about to explain!". Laughs when MC glares at him, winks to the kid and goes to make them some coffee. He has a feeling that it's going to be a long night.

Elio: Blinks at them as they tried sneaking in, only to come in through the window right next to where he was reading. They stare at each other in silence for a minute until Elio goes back to his book and tells them not to tell MC and next time don't be such a moron in their sneaking methods.

[where-theres-smoak-2]

HOTD 2X03 Review/Thoughts.

Ok so I am a little late with this review, honestly having thought the episode over I don't have as much to say about it this week. I do feel like it was quite a slow episode, honestly I feel like this whole season has started out kind of slow and drawn out. But anyway there are some parts and points I want to talk about, so as I always say I have not read the books so my opinions are based solely on the show, these are my own thoughts and opinions and there are spoilers.

The opening battle was interesting, it seems like there's a lot of bad blood between the brackens and the blackwoods. I also get that they are a foil for the targaryens' civil war and this whole sin begets sin and soon no one remembers why wars and feuds are started etc. Here's my complaint though. Like I said I understand what the writers are trying to say here, its a running theme not just in this episode but throughout the whole series, a good ruler seeks peace and unity in the realm, seeking revenge and acting impulsively is bad ya di da. I understand that they are trying to show Rhaenyra as a good queen because she is being reserved and trying for peace instead of war, but at this point they've been sprouting out this message for a season and a half and its starting to feel like being preached too and its getting boring, like we are half way through this season, I want to be entertained, show me the dragon fights. I agree with the whole messaging about always trying your best to seek peace but I feel like we are way past that point now.

On that subject Rhaenyra this episode, I was not behind some of the choices she made, yet there were still some choices I thought were good. I think her decision to send her younger sons away to a safe place is a good idea, however I don't know that I would send them all to the same place. This might sound a bit cold and strategic of me but I would think her best strategy would be not to put all her eggs in one basket, not to send all of her heirs to the same place. If it were me I'd send Rhaena and Joffrey to say driftmark and then Viserys and Aegon either to the Vale or to Pentos. But anyway, I do think that Rhaenyra showed she has alot of trust in Rhaena, she is entrusting her not just with her own sons but also with the dragon eggs, as she said she is entrusting Rhaena with their future, not just the continuation of Rhaenyra's line with her sons, but also with the hope of more dragons in the future. I always thought that maybe Rhaena would claim a dragon like her mother did, but now that she has those eggs, I am wondering if she will actually hatch one of them. Rhaenyra's strategy here makes alot of sense, Rhaena is older and therefore is in a better position to protect the eggs and care for the younger heirs, also as she said if things go badly for Rhaenyra and the rest of team black, like if team green send more assassins etc, then rhaena, the boys and the young dragons/eggs are the back up plan, they really do represent hope for the future.

All of this being said I do also understand why Rhaena was feeling upset that she was being sent away and to the place where her own mother died of all places. I can understand how when her whole family are in danger and she just wants to feel useful she would see being sent off with the younger children as Rhaenyra seeing her as a nursemaid, when really Rhaenyra does value Rhaena and is entrusting her with some of the most precious things she has. Rhaena has long struggled with her self worth due to her not having a dragon like her sister and I think you can see that coming through in this episode, I don't think Rhaena really understood how much value and trust Rhaenyra was truly putting in her until Rhaenyra presented her with those eggs. I was also glad that although we saw some of that resentment Rhaena feels towards her sister, she still didn't hold it against Baela and did hug her goodbye.

Speaking of hugs goodbye, they are really killing me with these scenes between the blacks where they are hugging and comforting each other, in this episode not only did they get me with Rhaena and Baela's hug but also with Rhaenyra kissing her boys goodbye and Jace hugging Joffrey goodbye, its just such wholesome, sweet scenes, that also have that twinge of sadness to them.

Over on the green side however, things are in a shambles. That scene where you've got cole walking to the council room and as he's walking past Kings' Guards they are all slouching and are all relaxed and not at attention, I just, the heir was just assassinated within the walls of his own home, in his own bed, and instead of being hypervigilant like you would expect these guys are literally just laying about the place, totally relaxed. Then there was the scene where the guards are convincing Aegon to go to the brothel as a squire needs bedding and Aegon points out that they a sworn to chastity and they all just laugh. I think it really shows how Aegon's Kings guard has devolved into something of a sham, I mean even their commander is breaking his oath.

Which brings me to Cole. It seems like there is no some negative tension between him and Alicent, she clearly is'nt happy with the decisions he's been making of late, even the decision in this episode to march to the riverlands. Also does anyone else feel like Alicent specifically asked her brother Gwaine, was that his name, to go with criston so that he could keep an eye on him. I got kind of babysitter vibes in that scene between the three of them. Gwaine however does seem like he's a little bit of an arrogant fool, the whole getting themselves exposed to Baela and Moondancer, all because he wanted a comfortable place to sleep.

Also I loved the look of Moondance and that whole scene of Baela like dive bombing Cole and his men and chasing them into the trees. It was such a good scene and looked great, I will admit a part of me was really hoping Baela would just light those trees up but I understand that she was given orders by Rhaenyra not to engage. I also did find that scene where Baela admitted that she didn't stay up high and said you said not to engage and I technically didn't, really funny. I was definitely getting some Daemon vibes from her in that moment I think she's got a little of his roguish traits.

One thing that this episode confirmed to me is that despite how much people love to go on, even at times in the show itself, that Luke and Jace bullied Aemond, that true antagonist was always Aegon. Like he encouraged his nephews to bully Aemond when they were all children and from Alicent's reaction to the pig prank it seems like Aegon often instigated bullying towards Aemond and was never punished for it, Alicent literally tells him, you can bully him at home but don't do it in public. Yet here we are when they are both adults and Aegon is still bullying Aemond. That scene in the brothel made me so uncomfortable, the way Aegon was just publicly humiliating Aemond, whilst he's naked and vulnerable, although Aemond does play it off like he doesn't care. But I would be careful if I was Aegon. We saw the way Aemond reacted to Lucerys who Aemond felt humiliated him in the past. Luke ended up dead and with the way Aemond was prattling on about how he would make a better king than Aegon in season 1, well I wouldn't be surprised if now that he's pissed off at Aegon for bullying him he decides to orchestrate some kind of accident for Aegon so he get his revenge plus take the throne, like I just think Aegon should be really careful when walking at the top of stairs alone because he might find himself taking an unfortunate tumble.

Sticking with the brothel scene, we also saw that guy, who was looking at the rat catchers that had been hung last episode, again. Surprisingly it seems he is apparently the bastard brother of Viserys and Daemon which I think is really interesting, he called himself a dragonseed so I am thinking he's going to be important in the story, with him comparing himself to Jace as well I do wonder if at some point this guy will claim and ride a dragon. I could see Rhaenyra allowing bastards who have dragons blood to claim dragons in order to boost her forces. Them being bastards I don't think would bother Rhaenyra, she would see the strategic value of them. I am less sure on whether the green side would recruit bastards to their side as they have very negative views towards bastards and I think they would see it as sullying their house almost, like they might have this arrogance of only true targaryens can ride dragons, considering the way Alicent said she was surprised Jace, Luke and Joffrey's eggs even hatched. But either way I am interested to see what they do with this new character.

We also met some new characters at Harrenhall this episode. Complete side note here, but one thing I do think is funny is that every episode so far there has been a sequence of one or more characters sneaking through dark hallways. In ep 1 it was blood and cheese, ep 2 Arryk and in ep 3 its Daemon. But anyway there was something creepy going on in Harrenhall as Daemon seemed to be chasing ghosts then came across some kind of vision, I guess, of young rhaenyra sewing on Jaehaerys' head. I thought this scene was really interesting especially rhaenyra's line, always coming and going aren't you, and I'm left to clean up the mess. With the way Daemon's eyes teared up it was clear that Daemon was feeling a certain amount of guilt for what happened, but more so it seems he feels alot of regret and guilt in general, this scene showed him in a very vulnerable light. I think it shows that he does feel guilty for the brothel scene with young rhaenyra in 1x04, for abandoning her in 1x05 and leaving for essos, possibly even for stealing the egg and going to dragonstone, leaving Viserys in his time of grief as Rhaenyra put it, but he also left Rhaenyra in her time of grief. And then of course it seems like from the way Jaehaerys' face flashed before him that he also feels alot of guilt over causing the death of a child and in turn weaking Rhaenyra's claim and making things more difficult and messy for her. It's just interesting seeing that guilt within him as he usually keeps things close to his chest. I do wonder if that girl with the dark hair had something to do with the vision he saw, she was giving me witchy vibes and her saying Daemon will die there was super creepy and now I am worried for Daemon.

What was interesting is throughout the episodes they've brought up Aegon the conqeror a few times. In this episode we see Aegon wearing his armour, he also wears the conqueror's crown and I think he even carries his sword. The greens are doing this as a way of trying to add legitimacy to Aegon's claim and trying to draw parallels between them and show Aegon II as a strong and great leader. However to me it looked like the armour and the crown were way too big for Aegon giving this impressions of a young boy trying to fill boots that are too big for him. But also they've had two characters now point out that the conqueror actually used violent and brutal measures to win the crown. Cregan in ep 1 points out that his ancestor knelt to the Conqueror because he threatened the realm with his dragons. In this episode Lord strong points out that Harrenhall is in such a state of disrepair because the conqueror burnt it with dragon fire to the point that the stones themselves melted, and an entire house was wiped out. I feel like this is all to hint that Aegon ii himself will also use such brutal methods.

Ok lets talk about that last scene with Rhaenyra sneaking to the sept so that she could talk to Alicent. Unpopular opinion maybe, but this whole scene/scenario was so stupid. Like there was no logical thinking behind this at all. And here is why I think it was stupid, first off is the obvious risked to Rhaenyra, she's the queen, and if she has gotten caught it would very very likely have cost her life, which goes without saying would have been a disaster. The other reason why it was so stupid is because its already been established that Alicent as little to no control over the men who are making the decisions and acting rashly. So even if it went well and Alicent agreed that peace must prevail, what the hell does anyone think she is going to do about it? Like what she was just going to go to Aegon and go hey honey I know you son has been killed, and I know I told you that your dad actually wanted you on the throne, and I know I pretty much forced you to be king against your will and I know that now that you've had a taste of the power you've found you really like it but do you think we could just try for peace instead, because I've spoken to Rhaenyra and actually it turns out this whole thing was a bit of a oopsy on my part, one too many Aegon's am I right, so yeah if you could just make nice with your sister now instead, even though I spent years drilling it into you that Rhaenyra is a threat to your life, that would be great thanks hun. Come on be for real, there was never going to be anything Alicent could do to prevent this war, even before the mix up with Viserys saying Aegon on his death bed, the other members of the green council were plotting to usurp the throne. For me the scene just felt pointless because it is obvious before Rhaenyra even leaves dragonstone that there is nothing Alicent can do to help get peace between the two side, it just felt like the only reason they added that scene was so that Alicent could realise she made a mistake and that Viserys didn't change his mind after all, which considering that mistake in itself was pointless as there were already plans to go ahead with the usurpation just made the scene even more pointless. Even when it came to the scene where Rhaenys is convincing Rhaenyra to talk to Alicent, the writers contradict themselves because one moment you've got Rhaenys saying there could still be a way to avoid the war go talk to Alicent and maybe she can help bring peace, then when Rhaenyra points out that Alicent was complicit in the usurpation, (she wasn't there were moment when she was spearheading the entire thing, it was her that hunted Aegon down and her that decided to put the conqueror's crown on him etc, she wasn't complicit she was active in it), Rhaenys then turns around and pretty much says Alicent has no control over the men and their decisions, so like what would make either Rhaenys or Rhaenyra think Alicent has any power to convince the men that peace is the best option now. I just didn't vibe with that whole scene at all, it just made Rhaenyra look a bit foolish for unnecessarily risking herself. Also it came off more comedic than I think it was supposed to, between Alicent's wtf facial expressions and Rhaenyra's I've begun badly line.

I know this review has been a bit more negative than the others, but honestly I think I am just getting more frustrated with each episode that passes because it doesn't feel like the characters are really doing anything and instead the narrative just keeps going round in circles, war is bad, peace is good, revenge is bad, acting impulsively is bad, acting reserved is good, this civil war was terrible and sucked for everyone, war is bad, revenge is bad, seeking peace is good and around and around we go and at this point I'm just like I was told this show was about the war between dragons so can we get to that point please because so far all that has happened is a couple of botched assassination attempts and alot of Rhaenyra being told to do something and alot of Aegon being told not to do something and in the end nobody actually doing anything.

Anyway I am hoping that with next episode being the mid season point we will get a bit more action and excitement because I really do think the season needs something,

[minato-division03]

Even if it was only a day after her majesty’s birthday, there was the endless flow of presents kept sending into her office to the point that she thought they could make an admirable-sized mountain.

Some of them were bouquets and some of them were accessories and even expensive jewelries, but unfortunately, no matter how beautiful or how pricey they are, she knew that they were just served for the courtesy from other agencies associated with her line of work in show business. 

…Ah, so boring

Considering that this kind of thing has long become the norm among people in the world of business, the entertainment industry was no exception either and that’s maybe why she has already felt so done with them. Besides, none of these pointless gifts held that much interest in her eyes. Maybe she should take her precious time to do something more beneficial to herself (and for the sake of her work) after all.

…That was what she thought until two receptionists suddenly burst into her office with a frightening look on their faces. One of them was holding a large bouquet consisting of snapdragons, clematis, purple lilies, and cattails, while the other of them was shaking in fear with a mysterious box in their hands.

“Please pardon us, your Majesty! Can you please take a look at these presents?! We’ve heard some ticking noise from one of it, can it be perhaps a— a bomb!?!” 

Thanks to the action of those two notorious ‘bombers’ nowadays, it was kind of understandable if this circumstance has led her innocent employees to think in that way.

Quickly assessing the situation, Queen Card took the problematic box from her employee’s hold with caution. And after taking a few analyses at it, her keen eyes behind the mask spotted a certain card hanging from the paper wrapping around the bouquet. Maybe her receptionists were so frightened they’ve never noticed it from the start. 

“Can you still remember the characteristics of the sender?” Her majesty asked in a calm manner.

“The one who gave us these was the old lady in a wheelchair! She dressed in such neat clothes and even wore gloves. She seemed to have a hunchback too. From the beginning, she had introduced herself as the messenger from one agency to deliver your majesty their birthday presents, so I think she was just an ordinary grandma and not of a threat just like the others from before. But maybe I’ve been wrong… Argh! Who know that Looks can be this deceiving!”

“Right! And just a few seconds after she left, there was the arrival of one gentleman who informed us he was the assistant from Nara Division. This mister was also coming here to give your majesty the gift from his master’s team, that was until I heard the ticking sound from the box we received from the prior guest. We perhaps looked so startled that the mister somehow noticed and asked us what happened. And after we explained what we found to him, he promised us that he will get to deal with that person as soon as possible before he promptly rushed out. However, I also heard him mutter something like ‘that sneaky cat’ and looked somewhat …irritated? by what we told him. So, in the end, all we can do is to hope that he can catch the culprit soon.”

Nodding as she listened to their stories. Queen Card untied the card and took a close look at it. Some strong scent suddenly hit her nostril. Although it was keeping close to the bouquet all the time, something she sensed wasn’t of the flowers but was that of a certain citrus. 

“Warmed me up.”

The only writing on the card suggested. There was also a picture of that one cat from a certain children book drawn underneath the statement,

And with just that, the self-proclaimed most brilliantest detective was certain of one thing.

The scared young receptionists let out a shriek when they saw their queen lit up the flame from her pocket lighter and broiled that said card over it all of sudden.  

Thus, not so long after the card touched the heat, something like the burnt trails started to get revealed on that seemingly vacant card.

“Greetings, jou-chan! Oh, this time it should be jou-sama isn’t it? My bad, my bad, how rude of me~ Well, congratulations on your birthday! My duchess was kind of wanting to give you some message too, but as for now, please accept this little thing as a bit of an appetizer before the main dish. —And in case jou-sama has already forgotten which syndicate I belong to, my lowly me suggests a lil bit of waiting. Nothing can shine without a pinch of darkness and so is your desired answer, my lady.  ‘Twas Brillig! Hope all the good things would be blessed upon you in this year”

After reading the still mysterious message, the queen seemed to ponder over something before asking her employees,

“What time is it right now, my dear?” 

“Within a minute it will be 4 P.M., my majesty.” 

Even if they were still dazed from the rush action of their majesty, they still answered her with the clearest voice they could utter.

Queen Card sighed probably at the hundredth time of the day as she told one of them to turn off all lights in the room. And at that moment by the time one of the clock’s hands has moved itself to the number of four, the ticking sound from the box somehow stopped as its lid swung open, the upbeat melodies started to play out, revealing its true nature as a music box. There was also a miniature but exquisite castle placed inside, but that wasn’t all of it.

Amidst the pitch-black darkness, the bright light was ejected from that small castle, taking its appearance as the glowing message displaying on the room wall …with some special effects of all cards’ symbols (the hearts, diamonds, spades, and clubs) floating around in the same fashion.

“Happy Birthday, Queen Card.

We’re looking forward to our joint cooperation next time.

Best regards,

家高 操姫  Ietaka Misaki

President of Kairiku Production.”

“Will wonders never cease,” Queen Card murmured.

The closed the lid of the box aggressively, the loud ‘clang’ startling her receptionists.

“Um… Your Majesty…?” one of the receptionists asked, her voice soft and cautious.

Queen Card huffed and drummed her nails on the box. “Well, good news is, it is but a simple show that the people of Nara Division had put on for us and no one is injured. The two of you may be former crooks, but I must say, your reactions to a potential bomb is rather amusing.”

“A bomb is, well… a bomb,” the other receptionist said matter-of-factly but still respectfully.

“We’ve never dealt with weapons on the level of an explosive…”

Queen Card chucked as she set the music box down along with her stack of presents. “And such is why the two of you are not ready to handle hands-on projects like the rest of my team.”

The two bowed their heads in shame.

Queen Card crossed her arms. “Regardless, whether or not you are able to get into the rather hands-on practices of this line of work… You both have been upholding your end of the bargain thus far, and I intend to continue upholding mine.”

They receptionists sighed in relief.

“And on the subject of ‘bargain’…” Queen Card whispered as she ran her delicate snow-white fingers along the letters she received. “It would seem that a storm is brewing…”

She smirked.

A dull-pink tongue emerged from her lips, swiping off some of the glossy mulberry stain from her lips.

She giggled.

“And a rather fun one, it would seem…”

“You best make sure this storm you bring about will be a magnificent rain dance for your Queen.”

Thanks for the gifts!

[yourturntofnaf]

my thoughts on the talebert files that nobody asked for

ok so... I'm terrified of the effect this will have on the fnaf community. obviously, nothing from this should be used as evidence pieces in theories. we have the official freddy files (along with media such as the encyclopedia) and even the officially released ones have inaccuracies that make them debatable for theorizing. so obviously, nothing from a completely scrapped book should be used for theorizing. and, this is all if it is not just a hoax. at the time of writing this, there's no public comment from Scott, just the alleged emails put in the doc. so keep in mind that this may all be a hoax on top of what I previously mentioned.

for the purpose of this, I'm just dissecting my thoughts on it and what I think it could have meant. I think it's fun to read through and see what the intended canon was at one point and if any of it lines up with the current product or theories. please, do not take any of this as me trying to confirm or debunk a theory.

with that out of the way, ramble under the cut....

the most memorable thing from this has got to be the william speech.

this william characterization is the epitome of "where is your rage?!"

this version of events comes in contact with a few common fan theories and debates: death order, will/puppet stuff, and willcare

in the order of events that this was written off of, the bite victim would be the first victim (note for this section: the cassidy tucker discussed in this seems to be a version of charlie). because "cassidy", aka the charlie we have in our canon, follows the order of events of william losing a child before henry. while this does lead to william targeting henry's child, it doesn't follow the commonly speculated reasoning of revenge.

"...perhaps that tucker girl. she shines too much of a bright smile, she is a container for love that will soon burst. I will repurpose her."

my interpretation of this is an application of this williams understanding of humanity. he sees the existence of a happy, bright being as otherwise useless if not applied by someone with more adept girls. he needs something to give the gift of life. from here, I could see two different visions for this:

he needs something that is a spirit to complete this goal OR he is looking for something with a good heart to pass on this gift. I feel it is far more plausible he simply needs something that has already passed on, and sees this cassidy/charlie girl as being someone complacent who he thinks would do what he needs from her.

interestingly, this creates a new perspective on the topic of who stuffed the children. if the goal of this speech was followed through, it sounds like the puppet would be the one that literally places the children in the suits, but under some sort of direction from william. the specific usage of "giving the gift of life" obviously calls back to the infamous give gifts, give life minigame.

for the idea of willcare (the general opinion that william cared about his family and specifically the death of the crying child), this william wouldn't align with that theory. the crying child's death doesn't seem the affect his emotional effect, and it doesn't spark the rage that's always been there. instead, it leaves him feeling ridiculed. this speaks to this William's egoism and selfishness. he seemed to feel no love for his child, the thing his death brings him is embarrassment and more questioning over life. when looking at what he's left behind, it's from the perspective of how that plays into life, death, and the rules of science. he doesn't seem to see it as the life of a person, but just life for what it is.

if this characterization was canon, I feel it puts an interesting spin on the idea of putting the crying child back together. under this version, it seems like william is far more invested in solving the puzzle of what morality means over any human connection.

as mentioned in the note about cassidy and charlie, the version of henry in this book is a man named emmet tucker, making the tuckers of this book a prototype of the emilys. emmet is a bit different than our henry and seems to be more forceful. the best descriptor of his character is this letter:

this relationship between henry and william is different than the fnaf media we have. in most canon examples, henry and william seem to be business partners, where this reads as emmet/henry being a fazbear employee under william who is being greatly taken advantage of for his talents from the beginning. I would take this as something changed in the game canon, this doesn't sound like an "old friend" as described in the fnaf 6 ending.

this also stuck out to me, a list of suspects for the MCI:

it gives us ages of (almost) all of the listed men as of 1985. we get a few drops of this book's lore here in terms of these major characters. william was apparently diagnosed with schizophrenia because of his sighting of the shadow animatronics. we know these are real, meaning this is a misdiagnosis. this book's phone guy, steve (interesting how his first name made it to the movie), allegedly has a gambling addiction that makes the author question his involvement over the idea he... wanted the insurance payoff from killing these kids so he could gamble it? this book has it OUT for phone guy, let me tell you. the description for mikes suspicion is hidden and he's been cleared as innocent for an unknown reason. he was convicted of manslaughter following the bite, and is confirmed to be the fnaf 1 protag. tucker is listed as the creator of the mediocre melodies who was angry when his line of animatronics wouldn't be used.

throughout this book, steve is an interesting figure. the writer, talebert, seems convinced he is the one responsible for the MCI. perhaps this plays off of the OG theory of phone guy being william?

in what's released, to my understanding as someone who hasn't read the frights books yet, dr talebert is a character throughout the stichwraith plotline. to my understanding, the characterization is very different. notably, talebert is being paid by fazbear entertainment. talebert at multiple points seems to be retroactively changing things as he goes, big or small. he says emmett has anger issues as evidenced by an outburst at afton over the decomition of the MM. in reality, going off the previously posted letter, it moreso seems like his anger resulted from being bossed around by william and not receiving financial compensation. a miscellaneous citation on page 10 of the document shows talebert changing the location of cassidys death from fredbears to freddys, changing the point in time she would have died. there are a lot of interesting quirks to talebert that I can't get into all of them, but I wouldn't consider him a reliable narrator.

there's a lot in these files that I'll probably keep talking about at some point. please, please look at them for yourself. keep in mind this is all scrapped at best, and fabricated at worst. lots of love!

link to read for yourself:

[besidesitstoowarm]

"Silence in the Library" thoughts

okay this is going to be kind of incoherent bc i was eating nachos for half the episode also moffat never misses. thanks

so i totally forgot the framing device was this girl who was imagining the library (as initially presented). "i know it's inside my mind but something's got inside" i really like how many of moffat's stories involve essentially believing children if that makes sense? validating the fears and stories of children. the fairy tales are all real

so they get to the library planet and the doctor insists "i never land on sundays" bc nothing happens on sundays. he tells donna not to look at any of the books bc they're spoilers for her time. the automaton w a human face relays a warning to "count the shadows" and the doctor shows off the message he got on his psychic paper that reads "the library. come as soon as you can x"

we reiterate that the sonic doesn't do wood and has this ever come up outside of moffat episodes? it's in "empty child" and "girl in the fireplace" is that it?? this man has such intense beliefs on the limitations of the sonic screwdriver. extreme respect for caring that much. there's a shadow caused by nothing that disappears and the doctor says that "it isn't gone, it moved"

we enter WIFE CITY population RIVER SONG!!!! she introduces herself as an archaeologist and the doctor immediately beefs. "i'm a time traveler, i point and laugh at archaeologists" okay rude. she questions his decisions once and he asks "bet your life?" and she replies "always" and he lowkey checks her out bc she has piqqqqqqued that interest. we learn that the library has been silent for 100yrs

river says "pretty boy, come with me" and it takes him a sec. "oh I'M pretty boy???" yeah dude fucking look at you. river doesn't realize yet they haven't met and starts trying to place their timelines using her journal before finally getting it. "you're younger than i've ever seen you" she sounds so sad

the doctor tries to reach the library core and instead appears on the girl's tv and she's like ???? he loses contact. he eyes river's journal, clearly tempted. we learn that 100yrs ago there were "4022 saved. no survivors" and miss evangelista wanders away cause she sees a panel in the wall open and no one listens to her when she says they should check it out. she is skeletonized in moments and they hear her "data ghost" echoing her last bits of consciousness. all she wants is donna who was the only person to be kind to her. i teared up

they try to find an exit and donna says "they always make you go through a little shop" this is a reference to "new earth". one of the guys has two shadows so the doctor wants to shore everything up and sonic everyone's suits for extra protection and whoops river has a sonic too! he tries to teleport donna to the tardis but she glitches out and never lands. river says the doctor can't peak in her journal because "spoilers" and he's visibly upset

mr two shadows is a data ghost and keeps saying "hey! who turned out the lights?" so they all make a break for it. river has a "squareness gun" so she can cut through walls i think? it looks cool. donna is now a face on an automaton and echoes "donna noble has left the library. donna noble has been saved" on repeat

part two!

[anonofseasons]

Does the world of Seasons have instruments in them? How about singing? Art in general!

I'm thinking an instrument would be a great pass time for an immortal. But then again, if Vivian and Graham don't know how to play from the beginning they would need a tutor, and they probably wouldn't want the boys going out like that, or have someone come to the house...

There are definitely instruments in this world, although I haven't completely determined which ones. I like to imagine this world has most of the same instruments our world does, with maybe additions as they experiment with different bases and attaching strings or hide to them to see what sounds they make. Seashell instruments are popular too! Like conches and horns. :) In an ask from long ago, I answered what Howie and El play from a set of meme questions. So it never mentions Bee or anyone else. The kids all had an ocarina and a recorder, but Howie and Bee messed around with them, never properly learned them, and soon gave up. They had books to teach them music, but Howie read two pages, skimmed the rest, and Bee never read them at all. El played the violin to pass the time after Sophie left and before Howie was born, but he later worried about Bee messing with it, so it is in storage. He never had an instructor, but he's not bad at it. You're right that they'd never entrust the kids to a tutor, so El will have to wait until adulthood for guidance when he picks up the violin later. Recorded music has existed a few decades, but Viv and Graham are too isolated to introduce this to their children. Most of the kids' exposure comes from the times they've been out and about in towns and music from outdoor concerts and festivals carried over. They could hear it from their yard, too, sometimes, especially if neighbors were playing instruments or singing. Viv sang and hummed to his kids when they were younger and still sometimes does this with Bee, but Graham is the one with the nice voice so he's mainly the provider of most songs. Bee also sings, making up silly songs and the like. Howie doesn't really sing/try to sing, and El's terrible at it. Shannon sadly never had much exposure to music at home as a young child, and he'd be scolded for singing too much. He learned to be quiet. Only for Sophie to be allowed to sing as much as she pleased, and no one ever got mad at her... Shannon probably has a lovely singing voice, but you'll never hear it. He's happy to listen to music - has a lot of exposure to it through Phineas - but he'll never join in. Thanks a lot, Viv. Sophie, meanwhile, is like Vivian: okay at singing, but not amazing. She went through a phase where she frequently played the tambourine with friends, and I bet she goes to musicals later. She'll probably be the one who introduces them to her younger siblings, and Howie LOVES them. Bee likes them a lot. El prefers calmer music and hates crowds, so he won't share that enthusiasm. Howie will eventually find out - after getting deep into musicals - that he can sing pretty well, and I can imagine him being interested in stage-related hobbies in the future. Especially since he's very social. Definitely gives me "theatre kid" vibes. Haha.

[barkspawn]

The Sound of Silence

Prologue: Albert and Amelia

I'm in the midst of writing a Stardew Valley fanfic. I have the link to the Ao3 on another post and below as well. It's been so long since I've written or RP'd. However, I started playing SDV and a certain man and his frogs got me feelin' creative. I am DYING because I am having so much fun writing this and writing little books to @sheacrowley when it comes to ideas. She's the real MVP.

Please give me all of the constructive criticism your heart desires. Or praise, that feels nice too.

The Sound of Silence is a SebastianxFarmer fic with a sprinkle of the other bachelors bc I feel like they're all a lil flirty when you get their hearts up, so everyone is into the farmer (for the most part).

CW: Domestic Violence, Depression, Anxiety, intrusive thoughts, self-depreciation, minor and major injury, self-harm (maybe), drinking and smoking cigarettes. NOTE: These will be updated as the chapters are written

___________________________________________________________

Amelia Rowe needed to get out of Joja and her relationship.

After an argument, something clicked and she made her escape to the farm that her grandfather left behind close to 20 years ago. She made fast friends with the town doctor and the local goofball, and she was seemingly tolerated by his broody (unfairly attractive) best friend.

Will she be able to start fresh without her past ruining everything? Will she be able to put it all behind her or will she be unable to keep the dark thoughts under control?

****** The prologue can be skipped - it is all backstory and, while helpful, it will not make or break the story. Ao3 link at end*****

Albert Rowe (affectionately called Pop) renamed the farm Stardop Fields after 50 years because he found one of the strange fruit after making it deep into the mines in his search for ore. Upon tasting it, his mind was engulfed in the thoughts of his late wife, Margie.

Previously, Pop worked in a steel mill off on the east coast by the Chesapeake Bay. He grew tired of his life there, the danger and overworking weighing heavily on his soul and his health. He gathered every penny of his savings and bought a plot of land in the Ferngill Republic, quickly falling in love with the life of farming. Soon after, he pursued the heart of Margie (despite the initial reluctance on her part).

Al was 24 when he moved to Stardew Valley and married Margie after just 6 seasons of living there. They were married for 49 years before Margie suffered a stroke and passed away. He quickly took to art in his spare time, drawing and painting anything that took his interest. He loved to draw self-portraits and ads (whether parodies or realistic) for some of his favorite products. He even won a small bit of gold in a contest for a shaving company. Naturally, he had that portrait framed.

Together, they raised two children, both girls that were raised in a home full of love and hard work. Amelia’s mother, Joy, was the younger of the two, being 31 when Amelia was born. She has one older sister, Helen. Her aunt, Janet, was 4 years older with two children, Jane and Eliza.

She didn’t talk to her aunt or cousins very often. She got closer to Eliza when Aunt Jane passed away during an unfortunate complication during surgery. Given that her uncle was estranged and committed, Amelia’s mother adopted Eliza, 13, at the time of her Mother’s death. Amelia was 10. Jane, already 24, had gone off on her own, living in another state with her fiancé. Unfortunately, all contact had been lost.

Amelia’s father was nothing short of abusive toward both Amelia and Helen, though he seemed to take out most of his anger on Helen. Joy had been married to Dan for 10 years before he cheated on her with an employee. Joy found the text messages in a second cell phone he bought without her knowing. She endured most of his verbal abuse, and the infidelity was a welcome out from the marriage.

Amelia immediately became depressed, her grandfather having passed only 2 years prior. He was her hero, introducing her to art. She would spend a week or so every summer in Pelican Town, learning the basics of farming. Her favorite moments were when Pop spent time teaching her to draw and paint.

Within just two years after leaving Dan, Joy had ran in to an old friend, soon rekindling an old friendship that turned into a marriage. Charles was an incredible man, quickly taking the father role for Eliza, Helen, and Amelia. They loved him as such, though he was very clear that while he loved the two of them like his own children, he could never replace their biological fathers. He didn’t want them to think he was trying to assume that role, which Amelia found more than admirable. After 5 years, Amelia worked with her mother to go through an official adoption process with him. He was a large, burly man, but he definitely was a softie at heart. He most certainly shed happy tears on that day.

While Amelia grew up battling depression and anxiety, she managed to get it under control during college. She went to a private college, studying both biology and theater as her majors, the latter to her mother’s disapproval. She had dreams of Broadway or going on tour with a travelling theater. Her mother was a doctor in an emergency room, growing to be an inspiration as well. Joy taught her many things about advanced first aid in hopes that she would follow in her footsteps. Amelia wasn’t so dense as to think that acting was a definite for her career, so she pursued biology as a backup. She fully intended to go forward into medical school, but she found herself overwhelmed with the workload and dropped the major altogether.

Because of this decision, she ended up working for Joja Mart after college. She searched for years for ways to join the actor's equity union or ways to be on stage at all. She acted in community theater productions, but after college, they seemed campy an, for lack of a better word, amateur. She found herself cringing at the basic rules of the art being broken as well as craving the professional part of the life. Unfortunately, she fell back into a depression, feeling discouraged and losing all motivation to do anything but work, eat, and sleep.

At 24, she met Kristoff. They hit it off immediately and fell into a whirlwind romance. Before she knew it, she was living with him. It was four years later and she was deeply unhappy, finding herself in a consistent state of feeling numb. She had stopped doing any performing at all. Behind closed doors, Kristoff was controlling. If there was an argument or something went wrong, it was always her to blame. Kristoff was one of the biggest managers in Joja corp, and yet she was still only an assistant manager in a small, grody store on the west side of Zuzu. In public, he was a model boyfriend. After all, appearances were everything.

She moved to Zuzu city with big dreams. She wanted to sing; if not in the theater, then in some way, shape, or form. Kristoff would never let this happen, though he once told her that maybe she could sing at an upcoming Joja event; She hadn’t been that excited in years. As it turns out, it was a way for Kristoff to discourage her enough to give her whole life to Joja as he had. There were many arguments in the time after that. The more bold Amelia got in defending herself, the more angry Kristoff got. The yelling and throwing things led quickly to him slapping her or grabbing her by the arms, an attempt to shake sense in to her by force. Even their sex life grew violent. He never forced anything on her, but it was as if she became a toy: nothing but something to get him off... and he was rough, which Amelia didn't mind at first. He seemed to like how it felt to express his anger in this way, the shocked, almost scared look in her eyes the first time his fingers found her throat quickly becoming his favorite thing. If he wasn't choking her as he fucked her, she was on her knees with a fistful of her hair in his hand and tears brimming in her eyes from the treatment he gave her throat. She often was bruised; the main place often being her hips or waist. She knew how this would look to someone on the outside looking in, but she never did say no. She didn't stop him. She kissed him back for the fraction of a second he allowed that affection. She even begged when he asked her to. He was always so stressed and she loved him, so she didn't mind helping him release that tension. Even if she had to finish on her own. She was just being there for him, right?

She had become complacent.

______________________________________________________

Let me know if this formatting works please. I've never posted directly to Tumblr.

Ao3 Link:

[finalgirlminamurray]

last week i finished reading experimental film by gemma files, which i had heard talked up a lot in horror literature circles and was excited to finally read for myself, hoping it wouldn't end up being overhyped.

as soon as i read the summary for a book that mentions the main character having an autistic kid i have to brace myself for the question of "is this book going to make me feel condescended to or outright dehumanized" and i will say i was not feeling good about this one when i started it. i had to push past the parts talking about How Hard It Is living with this child so i could focus on the good parts because most of the book was pretty good. i wasn't expecting, however, for the main character to recall realizing that she fit all the diagnostic criteria for what they were then calling "asperger's syndrome" but was never diagnosed and her parents didn't believe her son's diagnosis had anything in common with her. i was struck by that because i was suspecting that lois was at least partly based on the author herself - not a direct self-insert but just a character who had a lot in common - and decided to read the book assuming the main character was also autistic.

that did make me view it in a different light than i would have otherwise. i really liked lois as a protagonist; i liked that she was often not written to be "likable" and made decisions that female characters so rarely get to make without being excoriated by audiences (she very much does prioritize her work and her pursuit of the central mystery above her family and i love that sorry. and she does openly admit to herself that she finds herself resenting her own child which made me think about what i really like about the babadook.) i think there was something very interesting there about how autistic people labeled as "high-functioning" will consciously or not look down on those labeled as "low-functioning" - as a kid i was diagnosed with "asperger's" back when that was a thing and i sometimes felt like i had to distinguish myself from the kids in the "special ed" classes; no, it's fine, i'm still normal, i'm not like them. and we do have to reckon with this. almost wish the book leaned into it more but i guess i wouldn't want it spelling too much out for us...right?

i think ultimately i just don't really like it when child characters in fiction aren't really characters so much as plot elements or props in the adult characters' stories. oh the kid is saying he sees things that you can't and he's reciting creepy nursery rhymes he's never heard before? sure. i think it would be really nice to see a book from the perspective of a nonverbal autistic kid - or hell, a nonverbal autistic adult, they exist - actually allowing them to be a full character with interiority and personhood. i don't know if that movie come play is any good. i also think i just wish the majority of autistic representation wasn't still white men and/or children.

this sounds like i didn't like the book but again i mostly did. i think the stuff about the film preservation field is really good, i always love reading something about that kind of niche area where you know the author has spent time in that field and is writing from experience about all the nuances of it, and i'm also fond of stories about people being increasingly drawn into learning more and more about some unsolved historical mystery and it takes a toll on their sanity but they have to keep going to know everything. i think it's also some good folk horror. i think i'd recommend it just with some caveats. as much as it does fall into some cliches of autism representation it's also a novel with an autistic adult woman as the protagonist who actually gets to be a complex character so there's always that - and yes, written by an autistic author.

i checked out gemma files' website after reading this and found this blog post which confirmed what i thought. i know people shouldn't be obligated to disclose all aspects of their identity before writing about characters of marginalized identities but it is nice to find that out you know. she also links to this review from a blog about autism representation in literature which was a good read, seeing another autistic reader's perspective, and another post from her livejournal talking more about her possible diagnosis. i won't directly link that one since it seems more personal but it's there for anyone to see. shoutout to anyone who's been made to doubt themselves because of a narrowly restricted set of criteria that some people think constitutes the only existing autistic traits, i do feel a bit privileged sometimes to have actually gotten diagnosed early in my life because having that sort of negates any questioning you might go through if you're considering whether to call yourself autistic later on.

(like. what do you MEAN autistic people aren't supposed to have an interest in fiction, i've seen a number of posts reminding people on here that special interests that AREN'T fiction-related exist)

also she has a tumblr but hasn't posted in a year. i hope she doesn't find this post hahaha (please don't tag authors in reviews of their work)

[invsblstrngs]

[miya horcher, cis woman, she/her, MATILDA, MUSE A!  ) – Is that OCTAVIA ESPINOSA I spotted in new york city? rumour has it they’re 29 YEARS OLD born on FEBURARY 13TH and have been in the city  for 8 years! I think I’ve seen them around BROOKLYN and working as a PALEONTOLIGIST!  They’re really known for CINNAMON TEA WITH A HINT OF OATMILK, LATE NIGHTS SPENT AT THE MUSEUM AND THE FEELING OF BEING TOO MUCH AND YET NOT ENOUGH.   but that’s for you to judge.   I hope they like the city! character parallels: rosa diaz, ella lopez, ellie sattler, christina yang, monica gellar

connections here.

BASICS

FULL NAME: Octavia Dolores Espinosa

NICKNAME(S): Tavi

AGE: 29

DATE OF BIRTH:  August 12th, 1995

CURRENT LOCATION: Brooklyn, New York City

PLACE OF BIRTH: Seattle, Washington.

ETHNICITY: Filipino, white.

GENDER: Cis Woman

PRONOUNS: she/her

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: bisexual

RELIGION: raised Christian, still believes in god but doesn't practice religion.

LANGUAGES: English, Tagalog, some spanish.

OCCUPATION:  paleontologist at the natural museum of history.

FACECLAIM: Miya Horcher

PHYSICAL TRAITS

HEIGHT: 5’6

WEIGHT: 125 lbs

HAIR COLOR: dark brown, almost black.

EYE COLOR: brown

PIERCINGS: her ears are pierced about three times each, a septum piercing.

TATTOOS: see here

SCARS|MARKS:

SIGNATURE SCENT: Santal Blush

PHOBIAS AND DISEASES

MENTAL ILLNESSES:  autism, depression.

PHYSICAL ILLNESSES: n/a

PHOBIAS: acrophobia

RELATIONSHIPS

MOTHER:  Melinda Espinosa

FATHER:  Agustin Espinosa

CHILDREN: none

SIBLINGS: Jasmyn Espinosa (sister), Arturo Espinsa (brother)

RELATIONSHIPS:  coming soon.

 PETS:  a calico cat named soosh, short for sushi.

PERSONALITY

tavi is an ambivert, finding she likes being by herself wrapped up with a cup of tea and a book better, she also occasionally enjoy being out with friends. she has spent a lifetime masking her autism before getting a late diagnosis, so she is navigating her social relationships while unmasking. she is obstinate, she likes to do things her way, and can easily get overwhelmed if her plans go awry. finds that wine loosens her up, and prefers something a little on the sweeter side. can talk about her special interests endlessly, if given the opportunity.

ZODIAC SIGN:  aquarius

MORAL ALIGNMENT: neutral good

FAVORITE FOODS:  adrenal mocktails, lugaw with eggs, french fries drenched in ketchup and mayo, kabob from the cart across the street from her job specifically, iced oat milk cinnamon lattes, or cinnamon tea with a splash of oat milk, sushi.

FAVORITE COLOR: dusty lavender, yellow.

LIKES:   the way the air smells cool and crisp in the fall, spending hours in bookstores, thunderstorms, early mornings drinking coffee on the steps of the museum, when there's a criminal minds marathon on tv on a rainy day, learning, in general.

DISLIKES: the sound of people chewing, being forced into social interaction (she can get there on her own!), anything above 70 degrees fahrenheit.

HOBBIES:  junk journaling, reading, reading/writing fanfiction, self-defense classes, taking free classes across the city when the opportunity comes up, trying new wines, baking, getting tattoos.

BIOGRAPHY

past

seattle, washington, 1995.

[mothergooseberry]

Hairbrush scrapes over the hard plastic of a child mannequin’s hair, pressed so hard it scratches off paint. Phylis isn't certain yet if this new arrangement suits her, though she knows she really has no say in the matter. It really isn't even that new. But, she's still adjusting. She has more space now- more freedom. The scientists say it's her reward for how well she's been doing in therapy. They say if she keeps doing so well on her new assignment, that if she takes good care of the children, she'll be allowed to go home soon.

She daydreams about it at times; getting back in the studio. The children must be missing her. But, daddy seems to like it here. There's less consequences for their actions, at least. Less of a rush to clean up the carnage and tie up loose ends. Oh, how mad he used to get when she'd clean too slowly for him. She knows this is the necessary next step towards her eventual release.

Still… she misses the ability to socialize that she had when she was mixed in with the general population. The other patients here are mostly too far gone to hold a conversation (letalone satisfy any of her other needs.) The only one eager to talk is ‘that cock sucking pig son of a bitch,’ as Dr. Futterman so lovingly dubbed him, and lord knows nobody wants to hear the things that come out of his mouth.

Speaking of not wanting to hear the things that come out of someone's mouth… There's an innocuous noise in the distance, and the puppet laying on the table beside her doesn't like it. “I hear something, Phylis! Come on, ya lazy cow! Check it out!”

That's odd. She puts down the hairbrush and picks up Dr. Futterman. Usually the scientists give her a bit of a warning before a trial starts. She's pretty sure the sound was just one of the patients who hide out in the lockers scattered around. No one important. No one notable. But, she's not interested in arguing.

She heads out into the main fairground area to check out the source of the noise, casually whirring the drill in her hand and humming a little tune under her breath. She comes around a corner and there he is- staring at her like a terribly lanky deer in headlights, dramatically out of place in his nicely fitted suit.

She stops in her tracks. “Oh! He isn't supposed to be here, is he, daddy?”

“No shit,” she responds to herself in a decidedly more cartoony voice, “get him!”

She takes the order without hesitation and books it after Arthur. His long legs work to his advantage; he's fast. But, he doesn't know these grounds the way she does. It's only a matter of time until he hits a dead end.

@mothergooseberry

When Arthur found out Dr. Verloc got the funding for the illegal drug testing that eventually turned into Joy from the Murkoff Corporation, he noticed, but he had to stay focused on Percy. When he finally escaped and got to Germany, the trail went cold. No one knew anything about any missing English children taken hostage. They seemed to have disappeared the second they set foot into Germany.

Arthur was desperate for something, any kind of hope to grab onto, because the notion that he might spend the rest of his life making it up to Percy was more or less only thing keeping him going at this point. So he searched. And searched. And searched. His German got, if not good, at least somewhat coherent (though he'd never get the knack for it that Percy had.) In his exhaustive efforts, using more investigative reporting chops than he'd ever had to use working for the O'Courant, he managed to uncover records of a war camp where the children may have been taken. He couldn't find any mention of what happened to them, but he also found that his old friend, the Murkoff Corporation, had made a deal to illegally seize prisoners from that very same camp towards the end of the War and transport them to America.

It was something. There was a connection to Wellington Wells. It was literally the only hope Arthur had left. He dutifully followed the trail across the Atlantic to America.

Tracing these prisoners was extremely difficult. Murkoff guarded their information jealously. The more Arthur found out, the more he was slowly realizing why.

Even before Murkoff got involved--back when Arthur started finding out what went on in Germany during the War, Arthur could hardly take the information. Just when he thought the weight of what he'd doomed his brother to couldn't be more crushingly heavy, he found out about the experiments. And how the Murkoff Company bought all that research and test subjects off the Germans at the end of the War and continued them.

The chance Percy was still alive slowly turned from a hope into a fear. Maybe the most merciful thing would have been for him to die right away. Thinking about Percy being subjected to half of the things he'd read about had made him throw up more than once. It only became more important that Arthur find out what happened to him. He knew with full horrible certainty that if he was still alive, he needed Arthur get him out.

He followed the experiments to a place called the Sinyala Facility. The place was locked up tight, but Arthur had managed to sneak inside through a vent. He found himself in some sort of surreal fairground.

It wasn't actually outside, just in a warehouse so huge Arthur couldn't see the ceiling in the poor lighting. There were carnival games and a carousel, along with these weird mannequins posed like they were having fun at the fair. He was already freaking out when he came across the first dead body. It didn't help matters.

What the fuck was this place?

He didn't have time to wonder about it. A loud sound that went straight to his teeth startled him. Was that a drill? Why was there a drill in here? And why did it sound like it was coming--

Fuck. Arthur was standing right out in the open when someone came around the corner. He stared like a deer in headlights long enough to register some sort of horrible drill puppet what the fuck before he bolted and ran as fast as he could in a random direction.

[letarasstuff]

"I don't wanna leave you, Daddy"

(A/N): This was requested by an Anon and it's based on this concept. I hope you are ready for the feels.

Summary: Hotch's daughter is an introvert. A quiet one. But why does she go even quieter after her mother's death?

Warnings: So much hurt. Angst. Fluff. It's bitter sweet.

Wordcount: 2.3k

✨Masterlist✨ _____________________________

(Y/N) never really was an outgoing person. Even since she was able to walk and talk, she still clung to her parents. She refused to play on the playground when other children were there. Socializing was just not her thing. Her parents were sure that she would never be the person to stand up and perform on stage spontaneously. And it is ok.

This doesn’t really change when Jack comes around. Sure, as he grows older and more capable of things (Y/N) plays with him. But it really seems like he is the only one around her age she is not afraid to befriend.

Aaron and Haley reassure themselves that their daughter will find friends in elementary school. After all this is an institution where many children go to and there also are adults trained for helping them coming along. She definitely will find at least one other kid to hang out with regularly and learn how to be a proper child. Because as of right now (Y/N) is more like a little adult, taking responsibilities, like watching over her little brother, she doesn’t need to do voluntarily. Maybe she will be more messy, rebellious, anything but a perfect child.

But this doesn’t exactly happen. (Y/N)’s teachers are really happy with her. Every parent-teacher conference is about how well and polite she is, always behaving good and following the rules. Sadly, they don’t have any good news regarding her social life. It’s not that she doesn’t get along with her classmates, it’s just that she isn’t able to strike up a conversation or is very good at keeping one long enough that a kid is interested in her.

Knowing that (Y/N) is mostly quiet in her school days, Aaron makes it a habit to bring her more often to the office. She surprisingly warms quickly up to his team and whenever she is around them the girl is an unstoppable tornado running loose around the bullpen.

This is kind of how she grows up until the age of middle school. (Y/N) learns some social skills and makes a few friends over the last few years. Unfortunately these friendships are not as deep as the parents wish, still it’s better than nothing.

Things get difficult when Aaron and Haley start to separate. It never is easy when parents fall out of love and it is not only difficult for Jack to see his father not as often as he used to, considering he still is a toddler needing both parents. Especially (Y/N), who is more of a daddy’s girl than a mommy’s girl, suffers from the situation at home.

Of course it’s hard on her to not see her father for a week or two at a time, but ever since her parents are going on parted ways she sees him at most one weekend every three weeks. This also changes her social life dramastically.

“(Y/N), don’t you wanna do something with your friends? You can invite them over for the weekend”, Haley suggests after watching her daughter not going out with somebody outside of school for several days. For the past two weeks the ten year old just comes home, does her homework and puts her nose in one of the books her Uncle Spencer recommended.

The girl only looks up at her mother to shake her head. “Why not, Sweetie? I haven’t seen William and John in so long. Are you still friends with them?” (Y/N) nods again. “So what is it? Are you guys fighting?” Haley sits down next to her on her bed.

“No, they just-just don’t know about this. I don’t want to tell them. And I want to stay home. It’s ok how it is right now”, she admits. Her mother’s heart breaks at that statement.

In this moment she realizes that anything a parent does has immediate consequences for the children. “I’m sorry, Sweetie. I didn’t know this is so hard for you. Maybe you can talk to them over the next few days about it, I think it’ll help you. Do you want to watch a film with me for now? Jack has a sleepover at a friend’s. We can do a girl’s night. We hadn’t had one in a long time.”

(Y/N)’s eyes light up at that. “With all the candy in the world?” Haley smiles at the newfound excitement. “Of course. Anything you want.”

From only seeing Aaron every now and then it suddenly turns to not knowing when she will see him next. After George Foyet ambushes him and makes his family into the next target, (Y/N), her brother and her mother have to go into witness protection.

The goodbye at the hospital is painful and filled with tears. “But Dad, I don’t want to leave you. I’ll miss you too much. I don’t like not seeing you. And what about you? You will be more lonely and-and I can’t leave you”, she confesses, sobbing into him.

Hotch has to hold his own tears back. He doesn’t want to come over as stoic, but as the strong father figure he always tries to be. “Honey, I know I’ll miss you so much. You have to be strong for your mother. This will not be easy and I know it. I promise to do my best to get all of you back as soon as possible, ok? Please be good for your mother and behave. We all need to work together for you to get back fast and safely.”

(Y/N) continues to cry into his hospital gown. Aaron can’t help it and dissolves in tears himself while trying to calm her down. “Shh, Honey. Everything will be fine. I’m so so sorry for all this. I never wanted something like this to happen. Shh, we will see each other real soon. The team and I will do our best. Just please, don’t cry. Please, it all will be better. I can’t let you go without seeing your beautiful laugh for one last time.”

“I don’t wanna leave you, Daddy. I-I wanna stay with you and Uncle Dave and Auntie JJ and Uncle Spencer and Uncle Der and Auntie Penny and Auntie Em. I’m scared you won’t be fine when we come back.”

It’s needless to say that nobody cracked even a smile that day.

Going into witness protection made Haley worry about Jack especially. He is just four years old and she isn’t sure how much he understands about what’s going on. Surprisingly the boy gets accustomed to the situation pretty fast. Of course he misses his father and his people from school, but he is also quick to meet new ones in the town they moved to.

(Y/N) has bigger problems. New school. New kids. New everything.

“Maybe you can see it as a fresh start. Here is nobody you know. You can be whoever you want to be. I can take you shopping and you can try out a new style”, her mother tries to make the situation sound advantageous to her. But the girl dryly answers: “When somebody doesn’t like me how I am now, how will they like an act?”

Sam Kassmeyer regularly reports back to Aaron about his family’s well being. “Jack is thriving. His teachers describe him as a bundle of joy. (Y/N) slowly gets acclimated to the change. Haley told me she started making friends with a girl in their neighborhood. I already ran a background check and the family is clean.”

Hotch lets out a sigh of relief. He turns towards the image on Penelope’s monitor. “Happy fifth birthday, Buddy.”

A few weeks after that it seems like the events overturn each other.

Foyet coming back. Kassmeyer getting tortured. Foyet finding Haley and the children. Them coming back to their house. The call. Working the case with Jack. The gunshot. The fighting noises. Hotch opening the box and hugging both of his children, relieved to see them alive.

The following weeks are difficult for the now smaller family. They mostly consist of watching videos of happy memories and talking about their feelings. Although it’s more like Jack talking about his feelings, (Y/N) went mostly silent ever since their mother’s death. This worries her father more than anything.

Two months have gone by. “Hey Honey, I’m going into the office today. Do you wanna come with me, stay at home or go to school? Anything is fine by me”, he asks her softly, kneeling beside her chair at the table. The girl is munching on her cereal halfheartedly.

“Can I come to the office?” (Y/N) asks in a hoarse voice. It’s actually the first time in four days that Aaron hears her voice. A small smile forms on his face. “Of course, that’s nice. Aunt Penny is asking me after her favorite Hotchner for days on end now. And Uncle Spencer got a stack of books he has for you to read.”

His daughter nods and quickly gets ready. They are soon on their way to Quantico after dropping Jack off at daycare. “How are your classmates? Do you like the new school?” They decided to send (Y/N) to a different school. She couldn’t bear the thought of only being the girl whose Mom died because of a serial killer.

“It’s fine. There are a few girls who are really nice. I think we can be friends. Mo-” She suddenly cuts herself off. Aaron glances over at her. “Continue, Sweetheart. Just tell me what’s on your mind”, he tries to encourage her.

The girl hesitates before following her father’s advice. “Mom would have liked them,” she mumbles. It’s quiet for a few seconds. Hotch is looking for a suitable answer. After all it’s the first time she talked about her mother since her death. “I’m sure of it, Honey. Maybe you can invite them over and I can get to know them. Think about it, no pressure of course.” (Y/N) nods to indicate that she heard him.

Not long later they enter the bullpen. “There she is! My little Hotchner! How you doing, Baby?” Derek asks her and envelopes her into a hug. But she only shrugs her shoulders. This goes on for the rest of the day. Whenever anyone talks to her, the only answer is given by her body language.

Hotch watches helplessly Spencer trying to engage in a conversation with her. His arms and hands are waving around. (Y/N) though just looks at him without being really there mentally. It seems like she is lost in her own thoughts, like it happened so often over the last few months.

“Have you tried talking to her about it?” Dave asks, sitting down on the chair opposite of him. Aaron looks at him funny. “Of course. But (Y/N) is just not ready to talk about Haley and everybody grieves differently. I can’t force her to speak, Dave.”

The older agent leans back in his seat. “I don’t think she needs to talk about her. This probably is too soon. She needs to talk about you. The changes.” After a short pause, in which the other one still doesn’t get the point, Rossi continues. “That little girl just lost her mother. She is scared to lose her father, the one with the high risk job. I think that is enough to talk about.”

This occupies the agent for the remainder of the day. Aaron was so invested in fulfilling both parent roles, that he forgot that he is just a father. The man his children go to when they have a nightmare. The one, who is more lenient than their mother. He can’t be both ones. He can’t be two people in one.

A kid trusts a mother and a father usually. And he can’t be mother and father at once. Hotch has to accept the fact. The fact that (Y/N) and Jack are going to grow up without a mother. But luckily not without mother figures.

Later that day, after tucking Jack in, Aaron knocks on his daughter’s door. A small “Come in!” echoes back to him. He enters her room and spots (Y/N) already in her bed reading a book Spencer gave her today.

“Hey, do you have time before it’s lights out?” He asks, still wanting to give her the upper hand on this. The girl nods and scoots over for her father to take a place. He lays next to her, pulling his daughter into a hug.

“I know I can’t promise it. Coming back to you every time. You know it as much as I do. But I promise you to try anything and everything in the books. You guys keep me going.” Tears roll over both of their faces.

“I-I just”, (Y/N) moves her head onto his chest to sob into it, “Just don’t wanna lose you, too. I-I don’t think I-I can’t be the girl, who doesn’t have a mother AND a father. C-can you stop that from happening?” Hotch has to wipe his eyes before answering.

“I-I try to keep that from happening, Honey. I promise.”

This is how they fall asleep, squished in a twin bed close to each other. In the morning they both are overheated and got a visitor during the night. Jack wakes them up, asking why they had a sleepover without him.

This morning is the first time Aaron sees (Y/N) smiles since day zero.

Taglist:

All works:

@dindjarinsspouse @big-galaxy-chaos

Criminal Minds:

@averyhotchner @mggsprettygirl @herecomesthewriterwitch @ash19871962

[cheri-translates]

Headcanon - When he sleep talks

Original title: 当他说梦话

Original author: 君兮耶君兮

[ VICTOR ]

It’s nighttime, and Victor is sound asleep beside you. With a practised hand, you feel for your phone from underneath the pillow. Tapping open the e-novel application, you start “committing a crime”.

Since he has repeatedly prohibited you from staying up late to use your phone, you carefully scrutinise Victor’s actions, deathly afraid that he’d suddenly wake up and catch you red-handed.

“Dummy...”

The rustling of fabric drifts from behind you as Victor turns over. A large hand wraps itself around your waist, and you instinctively lock your phone and hide it beneath your pillow, pretending to be asleep.

A long time passes without any further movements from the person behind you. Turning your head slightly to observe the situation, you discover that he’s still asleep. What happened earlier was simply him sleep talking. Relieved, you feel for your phone again, continuing with your little antics.

Soon after, the person behind you begins to mumble again. “It’s not that I don’t like you.”

Your finger pauses on the screen. You seem to have heard something interesting? As someone in the media industry, the acuteness in your DNA causes you to tap on the recorder app to capture what’s going on.

Victor’s chin rests against your head. Cushioned on his arm, you can clearly hear what he’s saying. “I’ll always like you.”

“Who?” You whisper.

“Dummy.” He responds quickly. If you hadn’t verified it earlier, you might have suspected that he wasn’t sleeping at all.

The corners of your lips curl into a slight smile. Closing the recorder app, you place your phone down. Scooting backwards against him, you sink into a peaceful sleep.

-

While Victor is preparing breakfast the next day, you lift your hand and wave your phone in front of him triumphantly. “Victor, you confessed to me last night!”

He cracks an egg into the frying pan. Hearing what you said, he remains unaffected as he continues to cook. “You had a dream?”

“No, it’s the truth!” 

You knew he wouldn’t believe you, which is why you had the recording prepared.

“...”

After hearing it, Victor turns off the fire. He takes your phone to check its veracity, then returns it to you with a glance and a dry laugh. “You recorded this at 1.13am. Looks like a certain someone slept pretty late last night.”

Your heart sinks, and you completely forget about the recording as you retort. “No I didn’t! You saw wrongly!”

How could he not understand you? While he metes out the punishment, he places a plate of warm omelette into your hands. “From tonight onwards, you’ll sleep half an hour earlier than before. You’ll also give your phone to me.”

[ GAVIN ]

If you hadn’t witnessed it personally, you never would have believed that the all-powerful Officer Gavin would turn into a clingy little wolf at night.

-

Returning from a mission, Gavin manages to fall into a deep sleep when it’s still relatively early. Grabbing a book, you sit on the bed to keep him company. Reaching out to cover him with a blanket, you suddenly hear Gavin’s voice.

“I want a hug.”

Finding this humorous, you wrap your arms around his shoulders. As though you’re coaxing a child, you pat him on the back. “Here you go.”

“Don’t go. Don’t leave me alone.” You aren’t sure what he’s dreaming about, but his brows are tightly knit, and he seems uneasy.

This causes your heart to ache, and you respond gently. “Silly Gavin. I won’t leave you.”

Perhaps hearing this assurance, Gavin presses himself against you. After a while, he clicks his tongue, muttering hazily. “I want a homemade bento.”

This is the first time Gavin is asking for a bento directly. Before, he always dropped hints along the lines of, “Sometimes, my colleagues would bring homemade bentos”. You feel tickled by this. A childish Officer Gavin is especially adorable, and adorable children always get special treatment. “Okay, I’ll prepare it for you tomorrow.”

Gavin mumbles to himself softly. “The dishes in the canteen aren’t as delicious as what you make.”

Your smile falls. Didn’t he mention that STF doesn’t have a canteen? 

Putting on a professional smile, you lean closer to him and whisper into his ear. “Gavin, what’s the salary of the aunties working in the STF canteen?”

“$620 a month.” Gavin responds without hesitation.

“Good. Very good.” You straighten up, smiling wryly as you flip to the next page of the book, as though nothing had happened.

-

“I’m off.” Gavin gives you a goodbye kiss, his spirits high as he heads out of the door carrying an exquisitely wrapped bento box.

“Be safe!” Your smile is the same as every morning.

“Gav, what delicious food did she prepare for you today?” Eli pulls Tang Chao over so he can experience the pain of being single too.

Mentioning the homemade bento brings a smile to Gavin’s eyes. While responding, he opens up the bento. “I don’t know either. She was really secretive about it in the morning, and said I should only look at it at noon...” 

Very soon, he isn’t able to continue smiling. Slices of green bitter gourd are neatly laid out in the box. Aside from that, there’s nothing else inside.

“HAHAHAHA. Does sis-in-law want to help relieve your internal heat?” Eli chuckles boisterously, and Tang Chao’s shoulders tremble from suppressing his laughter.

The chopsticks in Gavin’s hand are on the verge of snapping. As they continue rubbing salt into his wound, the chopsticks curve.

He shoots them a glare. “Get out!”

“Gav, don’t murder your squad mates!”

[Trivia] One of Gavin’s “Go See Him” lines is - “There isn’t a canteen in STF, but the nearby eateries aren’t bad.”

However, in an official post about Loveland City, it’s revealed that there IS a canteen. This has been a running joke in the CN community because we still don’t know if it’s a mistake by Papergames or if Gavin really lied to MC so that she’d make him bentos (っ˘ω˘ς )

[ LUCIEN ]

Mr Lucien has always lacked a sense of security, and this is something you’re well aware of. However, the vulnerabilities he reveals to you are mostly meant to tease you, or used to stir up sympathy. You can only get a glimpse of his genuine unease after Lucien falls asleep.

“Mm...” Lucien’s eyes are shut tight, as though he’s having a nightmare.

Since you drank a cup of milk tea before heading to bed, you aren’t drowsy at all. Sensing Lucien’s movements, you pat the large hand wrapped around your waist. “What’s wrong?” you whisper.

Thinking that Lucien is feeling uncomfortable due to the heat, you attempt to put some distance between the both of you. However, the arm around your waist tightens. Not knowing if he’s awake or not, you don’t dare to move much.

Lucien embraces his treasure as he mumbles to himself. “My... Little Butterfly belongs only to me...”

You smile in resignation. Lucien has always been stubborn when it comes to staking his claim on something. This doesn’t upset you. In fact, you have the impulse to tease him even though he’s asleep. “Really?”

“We’ll see who dares to snatch you away.” Lucien’s brows furrow even more, dyeing his expression with an intimidating aura.

Having a bad feeling that you accidentally stepped on a landmine, you decide to soothe the atmosphere so that Professor Lucien wouldn’t feel troubled in his sleep. Before you can do so, you hear a dry chuckle. “A collaborative partner? Hmph.”

The threatening tone in his voice causes you to tremble, and an iciness travels up your spine and into your brain. You instinctively tense up, and you decide to wake him up.

“Lu...”

“Pete, could you bring me that box of scalpels?” His gloomy voice makes him seem like an entirely different person. “Little Butterfly, you can only be mine. Forever.”

You shut your mouth. The Ultima Bioresearch Centre measures its scalpels in boxes?

Sensing your movements, Lucien opens his eyes slowly. In the haze of drowsiness, he kisses your hair while speaking with concern. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Your survival instincts cause you to shrink your neck backwards, and you nuzzle into the arms of the big fox. “Goodnight.”

[ KIRO  ]

“Miss... Chips...”

A soft mumble rouses you from the world of novels. Turning your head, you watch as Kiro is sprawled on the bed, quietly tugging the blanket over his bare chest.

Kiro nuzzles the pillow with a slight frown. It seems as if he’s dreaming about something troubling. “Miss Shrimp Strips...”

Your fingers pause on the screen when you hear this familiar yet unfamiliar term of address. Although the both of you often eat shrimp strips, he has never called you “Miss Shrimp Strips”. Does Kiro have another snack in his life?

Thinking of this possibility, your expression turns cold, and you decide to observe further. After waiting for such a long time that you start to doubt if you were merely hallucinating earlier, he finally speaks. “Miss Drumstick...”

Okay. You didn’t mishear earlier. There’s a Miss Drumstick now.

“Miss Popcorn...”

It’s said that dreams portray the most genuine reflections of reality. What one thinks about in the morning is what one dreams about at night. You never imagined that Kiro would be this sneaky in his dreams. Taking a deep breath, you inch closer to him.

The arm of justice reaches out to the unsuspecting Kiro. The second before his head is ripped off, he suddenly twitches, giving you a fright and causing you to pause.

“No! All of you are fakes!” His voice carries with it a sense of righteousness.

There’s a dramatic twist in his dream?

Kiro releases a “hmph”. He shakes off the blanket with a hand before exclaiming, “I, Kiro Bohu, will find the genuine Miss Chips!’

You burst into laughter. If you’d known earlier, you wouldn’t have forced him to watch “Tang Bohu Spots Autumn Fragrance" with you earlier. Covering him with the blanket properly, you pat his golden coloured hair. “Your Miss Chips is right here.”

As though he’s able to hear this, Kiro curls his four limbs as he nuzzles against you. “Mm... Miss Chips...”

“Goodnight, Mr Chips.”

[ SHAW ]

“Tsk.”

A noise sounds in the quiet and still room, causing your fingers to pause. Did he realise that you’re staying up? You quickly turn around to look at Shaw behind you. 

At this moment, his eyes are shut tight, his breathing is even, and he doesn’t seem to be awake. You heave a sigh of relief. As long as you don’t get caught, you'd continue using your phone.

“What’s that?”

Another sound drifts over, but it sounds a little unhappier than before.

“What’s what?” You find yourself responding instinctively after growing accustomed to retorting him.

Shaw purses his lips, and he appears to be having an unpleasant dream. You shift a little further away, afraid that he’d progress from simply retorting to whacking you.

Shaw turns over, unable to break free from his dream. “Dragonfly Eye. Don’t lose it again.”

“Your dream’s pretty exaggerated.” You roll your eyes. You’ve only lost the Dragonfly Eye once - and it was 99% due to a certain someone’s “assistance”.

Shaw doesn’t seem to have had his fill yet. He adds another grumble.

“Silly woman.”

The familiar term of address leaves absolutely no doubt that his current dream involves you. You take a deep breath. “Carry on if you dare!”

“Stupid.” 

Even when he’s asleep, Shaw is the same as when he’s awake, meeting you head-on.

Fuming, you give him a kick to the butt, sending him off the bed.

Shaw is startled awake. He scans his surroundings in confusion, then covers his injured area while standing up, gritting his teeth. “What’s up with you!”

You respond with a glare. “You insulted me! Twice! You pig!”

Shaw, who was kicked awake but has no idea what happened: ???

More translated and original works: here

-

[ Permission to translate ]

君兮耶君兮: Can, just state the author and the source