#she gives such puking cat vibes

[reginaldubel]

shimo loaf

[the-roo-too]

Hi!! Can I request fluffy alphabets for Yunjin? Thank you💗

candy -> huh yunjin ver

aka the fluff alphabet

admiration (what does she absolutely adore about you)- if you are at least the tiniest bit a musical person, she deffo loves to jam out with you. will force you to try and compose with her probably, even if you only know two chords on the guitar

body (what’s her favourite body part of yours)- yunjin is a hair girlie to me, she likes to play with it—give you cute hair styles if it’s long or just put pretty charms in it if it’s short!

cuddling (how she likes to cuddle)- big spoon ☝️🤓 might fight you for it (secretly loves being the little spoon tho)

dates (what’s her ideal date)- i’m thinking binging some movies late at night (like the greatest showman) and singing your hearts out 🏳��‍🌈

emotions (how does she express her emotions around you)- girlie is an open book around you. musically gifted people are usually very connected with their emotions (and yunjin did go to music school so..)

family (does she want one)- i kinda have mixed feeling about this one. maybe later in life when you’ve both settled down? she doesn’t really give me the kids vibe tho

gifts (what about gift giving)- would absolutely compose an either short ass piece or perform a long ass opera for you and would force you to listen to it 🎀🎀

holding hands (does she like to hold hands)- yes! absolutely! also smooches your hand. i feel like yunjin carries around three different hand creams. also the type to hand you a fruit scented cream in the middle of june and say “it’s fruity, like you.”

injuries (what would she do if you got hurt)- with all due respect, she wouldn’t know what to do 😭 call chaewon? tell manager? order take out?

jokes (does she like to joke around)- yes. as i said, fruity cream, fruity you.

kisses (how does she like to kiss you)- either smooches your face or full on make out session, i don’t make the rules ✊

love (what’s her love language)- passive aggressive affection. you’re grumpy in the morning? too bad, you’re still listening to taylor swift’s whole discography with her

memory (what’s her favourite memory together)- meeting you for the first time! say you two met in a coffee shop while yunjin had a break between rehearsals. the moment your eyes made contact she was doomed lol

nighttime (how does sleeping with her look like)- yunjin 100% steals the blankets. wraps herself in a burrito and you will NOT get them unless she cuddles you close and lets you inside the cocoon

oddity (what’s one quirky thing about her)- to be fair opera singing is kinda weird. like imagine you’re coming home late and night and you whisper shout a soft “yunjin! are you awake?” and she responds with a “HEREEE MY LOVEEEEE” sung loudly 🗣️

pet names (what does she like to call you)- baby girl, with a lip bite. but like “baby gowrlllllll 🫦🫦🫦🫦”

quality time (how does she like to spend time with you)- every time spent with you is quality time for her (and she will rizz you up while saying that)

rush (does she rush into things)- you’re living together by the second week of you dating

secrets (how open is she with you)- open book ‼️‼️ wanna know her father’s dead cat’s name? or what colour was chaewon face when she puked after drinking spilled milk thinking it was yoghurt?

time (how long did it take her to confess)- going with the idea that she saw you at a coffee shop, she would visit that exact place for a straight up week until she saw you again and then shoot her shot 💀

upset (what’s her reaction when you’re upset)- you’re probably upset after a fight, so then she’s upset too. if that’s not the case, if you yell at her because you’re upset, then yunjin will because upset too lol. she’s not the type to apologise first so buckle up!

visibility (is she afraid of the public opinion)- nah. you remember that one post she made for pride some time ago? public opinion’s got nothing on her

warrior (how often do you fight)- i actually thing you might fight quite a lot… 💀 because of the rushing thing. when you two hit like a two year mark or sum, it gets better. but the rushed relationship gets kinda bumpy at first.

x-ray (is she able to read you)- even if you’re not as much of an open book as yunjin is, i think she makes it her goal to know what you’re thinking at all times. like a little personal challenge

yes (how would she propose to you)- most sappy way possible, would take you to a beach and arrange for her members to blindfold you and shit. lead you down to the shore and when you feel the cold water wetting your shoes, that’s when she drops on one knee (yes, in the water) while eunchae takes off the blindfold lol

zen (what makes her feel calm)- cuddles! singing! movies! just casual romantic shit. i said she would say sorry first but she might force you to cuddle her in the middle of the night even if you two just had a massive fight

part of [the fluff series]

[wornouteggman]

X-Men go to Disneyland for the First Time

first post! tag along for more delusions, asks are always open -alex

Cyclops

not just the group dad or the paranoid leader but a secret, third, worse thing

this guy has a stomachache the whole day you can't convince me otherwise

has carrots in his backpack?! and trail mix?!

yeah laugh it up until you're standing in a disney line for 45 minutes and you start getting peckish- oh nowww you want to appreciate him

please do not put him on that stupid Pinocchio boat ride he will puke

gave everyone a map at the beginning of the day and is exceptionally stressed that he's the only one with one at the end of the day

Jean

half of her job is making sure Scott doesn't walk into a pole and the other half is making sure no one gets lost

SHE MAKES SURE EVERYONE HAS A "it's my first time" PIN

all the people around her is overwhelming- not just in a powers way but in a general sensory overload way

likes the classic stuff, loves the snow white ride

she's not too invested in things like disney but she likes doing the touristy stuff upfront (they're popular for a reason right?) which is why she's the first to buy a set of mickey(minnie?) ears

her favorite part of the day is watching the fireworks with Scott, letting herself get almost misty-eyed as she listens to the swell of music, Scott's arms wrapped around her securely

Storm

certified churro enjoyer

weirdly enough loves the dumbo ride?

"Ororo. You can literally fly why do we have to go on th-" "Party of six please"

get her ass away from star tours, she will have a panic attack

the one who pulls up games to play during wait times. she is comically bad at charades

likes the parade!! makes sure to have nice seats on the sidewalk to watch it happen!

a part of her inner child is healed going around disney enjoying the day with her weird mutant family

Rogue

she does a little dance in her seat at the end of the haunted mansion ride with all the partying ghosts (she gets excited to see which ghost is hitchhiking with her) (she loudly whispers the entire intro to the haunted mansion word for word to gambit every time they go on it

her and jean are the only ones to get mickey ears, Rogue going for one of the dessert-related ones (I'm going to project a little bit and say she gets the churro ears)

takes photos with every single character she sees

silly photos with gambit in front of the disney castle

incredibly cranky when it comes to long lines!! her and scott teaming up and eating trail mix from his bag from boredom (Scott picks out the m&ms and gives them to her while he eats all the nuts and granola)

Gambit

HIS FAVORITE RIDE IS INDIANA JONES IDCIDC

okay him and Rogue would have way more fun in california adventure but I fucked myself over and wrote Disneyland so now I have to suffer the consequences of my actions

he's sooo pretentious about the quality of the beignets

competitive teacup ride, him and rogue are teacup spinners

he really likes Batuu and the star wars stuff in general, I can see him liking the ronto wraps

HATES the millennium falcon ride if he's not the pilot. will skulk.

#stealfromcorporations

a little sizeable pang of homesickness in the chest as he walks through the New Orleans Square, which is specifically modelled after the french quarter

Logan

free him from this hell

"oh but he secretly enjoys-" no he doesn't.

barely made it past security, as the... you know... adamantium fused to his bones make the sensors go off

jean steps in and says he's got several joint replacements. it's humiliating (for him)

I get the vibe that he's scared of the peter pan ride when you're in the ship "flying"

bristles like a cat tbh

once he's sat at the hungry bear restaurant chowing down on a burger he calms down a little

complains about the california heat incessantly

would rather die than admit that a part of him looks at the families on the carousel and gets deeply sad❗️

[bluedalahorse]

Scenes are such an interesting element of writing because like… you can have a writing teacher who tells you that scenes are the basic units that make up a story, and that writing teacher can also give you tips on what makes a good scene and different ways to start and end scenes and so on. I’ve had helpful teachers over the years who teach me these things! And I’ve taken the time to read other books closely, and watched TV shows with a solid grasp of plot. I’ve taken notes and marked up books with sticky notes even built elaborate spreadsheets to teach myself how works are structured.

But even armed with so much theoretical knowledge, I still find writing my own scenes, as well as balancing them with summary, quite challenging. I’ve had to write and revise and write and revise, and sometimes I’ve had to change course in the middle of a fanfic chapter when I realize a particular part of the story needs three scenes instead of one. Or sometimes I’m summarizing something that needs to be dramatized in a scene (or at times dramatizing something that can be summarized.) There’s a part of scene-crafting that’s intuitive and emotional but another part that’s all about the logic and structure and you have to get those two parts of your brain to cooperate, but they are two different cats with two very different temperaments. It’s difficult!

“Show, don’t tell” is conventional writing advice to the point of being cliché and not always helpful. However, I find I vibe with it so much more when I think about it in the context of scene crafting rather than about it being something that happens on the level of individual sentences or paragraphs. Like, scenes are a chance to show what is internally going on with the character through their interaction with an external world. I could write you an essay about how much my protagonist hates PE class and summarize her reasons for hating it, or I could write you a scene where PE class is starting and she’s desperately trying to hide under the bleachers and play hooky, and the teacher’s calling her name in the attendance, and everything smells enough like sweaty gym socks enough that it makes her want to puke a bit.

But that’s me getting into writing theory again. What I’m trying to say here is that I didn’t get better at scenes without constantly practicing them in my own writing. Writing novels in verse seriously helped me, because I had to tell everything in poems. Poems as units of a story have to be very purposeful, and usually there’s an image or set of images tied to that purpose. So I think writing in verse helped me to think more purposefully about scenes, even when I got back to prose. I know some authors who draft entirely in verse and only come back to prose later. That’s not quite me but I do use poetry a lot to open up my brain and get it working.

The wild thing is… something else may work for you! Poems work for me but they don’t work for everyone! I swear, you hit a certain part in your journey as a writer, and you’re like, is this the part where it gets easy? And no, what you’re really learning is, some things will always be difficult, you’re just more realistic about what the difficult parts are and you’ve built up more capacity to be stubborn about doing them anyway, and you have ten thousand more strategies for tricking yourself into getting words on the page.

Anyway. Scenes are neat but challenging. How does everyone else handle scene crafting in their work?

[bellysoupset]

hii have i mentioned how much I ADORE jonah being out of his element?? he’s soooo baby sometimes. leo is the best bf ever omg. also this fic was so hot, every time he said something like im gonna throw up or im gonna puke again I was Combusting lmao. and!! jon crying!!! at the end!!! loml fr i just wanna hug him and give him a blanket😭

also i also get a really nervous stomach every time im anxious and you’ve written that SO perfectly. i feel so bad for jon because i know exactly how it feels rip.

and wen!! my girl!! calling jon up all excited :) she’s so <3333 also!??? leo saying bye love you to her?? he’s definitely gonna be thinking about that later going wtf was that. but oh well. it’s out there now, nothing he can do about it. god i love how affectionate their group is with each other. it’s so healing to read fr.

ps. JD i would die for you, you cuddle bug.

sorry this ask is soooo long btw but also:

in re irl story: it was a terrible one, he was trying really hard not to cry when he threw up, which was only making things worse tbh. but he did feel better after that and was finally able to sleep the rest of it off. he woke up soo grumpy it was so cute 🍄

OH forgot to yell about jonah having a whole Moment about his dad and his parents’ interacting!! truly a Child of Divorced Parents TM. never thought he cared that much about what his dad thought? but like. it makes sense. he’s his dad, and more significantly, it’s his dad who’s a doctor who’s image in the medical field is something jonah would obviously expect to live up to? like not literally, but being the son of a successful doctor has to have had some effect on jonah, especially as a med student himself. i think it’s wonderful that you write your ocs with so much thought behind them! gives us so many little easter eggs and makes them seem so real. 🍄

Hi 🍄! I'm so happy to hear I wrote a nervous stomach well, because I'm very much Bella-coded in this regard, I've never been queasy over nerves and it sounds pretty "fictional" to me lol.

I looove writing Jonah in full baby state, he's such a cat! No wonders he vibes with JD, who's also such a little diva.

LMAO Leo definitely laid awake in bed that night wondering if Wendy realized the slip up and Wendy definitely noticed it too.

Jon is very much a divorce child, down to his parents ping ponging him around and using him as leverage against each other. But like you said, I specifically think Jon holds his dad's opinion in high regard only about medicine. The man did build an incredibly successful career that kinda looms over Jonah, kinda inspires him too. If it was anything else, Jonah wouldn't have cared at all about him.

That's only 70% me projecting 😂😂

[darlingletshurttonight]

i like srk as the celebrity he is. he's definitely an emotion for the millenial and gen z generations. he's so suave, so charming, the show of humility, yes, wonderful. but truthfully, it was fucking painful to sit through pathaan.

i absolutely hated the movie and the characters. dimple kapadia was the only saving grace in the movie and they offed her. i wish they'd given deepika padukone's character more substance instead of just making her show her thighs every 15 mins and being the plot explainer for kids.

what's with the childish dialogues man. the dialogue delivery of every actor fell fucking flat. it felt like a school skit. she has like 3 expressions in the whole movie.

i can still excuse the fact that they're driving on the same patch of road again and again in the dubai sequence, but why are they flying their helicopters in between the gaps of buildings. and nobody does anything about it? they crash their cars in one of the busy squares and chit chat about the recent happenings in their lives for a good 5 mins and not a single soul is around in broad fucking daylight. only after their conversation is over will they realize that the other guys leg is stuck somewhere and their petrol is leaking. the fuck were the rest of them in the car doing all this while?

(honestly this meme applies to the whole movie, like every scene)

which raw agent would beat up fellow raw agents to run away with an isi agent to solve a case they were GONNA HAVE TO SOLVE WITH RAW ANYWAY.

if they were gonna name the virus raktbeej why not actually give it some mythological connotation. also what is with pathaan referring to himself in third person all the time. stop. i see ppl thirsting over the main actors and like, i get the aesthetic but cmon it doesn't helpppppp. i couldnt even appreciate her machine gun sequence in the end because it felt like a replica of vikram and just seemed so forced. like a desperate attempt at convincing themselves and the audience that yes, she's not here just for plot advancement. her backstory added nothing to her character.

such an excruciating movie. it was like a collage of multiple movies mashed together the night before the submission. i can't believe im saying this, but war seemed more realistic. ATLEAST it had good music. i dont get the hype behind besharam rang and jhoome jo pathaan either. what am i missing here. especially jhoome jo pathaan. like besharam ramg still had a sliver of tune to vibe to, i died laughing at the cat puking dance step she does in the beginning of the song. what the fuck is jhoome jo pathaan.

imagine a raw agent being told by his boss to get to work, and he replies with "i got a date with my isi agent girlfriend. see ya later" what is this, a start up? the characters of shahrukh khan and deepike padukone felt like a big insult to actual agents.

[blooming-violets]

My dearest Liz,

It is currently midnight and I woke up from a sound sleep in a cold sweat. I have a very high fever and my throat feels like I’ve swallowed razor blades. I must have been clenching my jaw super tightly as I slept too because the whole bottom half of my face aches. My nose won’t stop running. Well, actually, one nostril won’t stop running and the other one is just stuffed and unable to breathe. I’m weirdly shaky and jittery but I no longer feel the same nausea I have the past few days. I am a miserable baby in need of care. Naturally, I am turning to this story for my medicine since I can look at a screen without wanting to puke now. I think that means it is the perfect time to catch up on this story. I need you to know that I already read the first few paragraphs and have literally not stopped thinking about it since. Like I see people reblogging the next chapters and talking about how good it is and I’m jealous that they already read it and I had to wait until I didn’t feel like puking. I am now diving into chapter one. 

Listen, I don’t have it in me to obsessively scream about every single line of this like I normally would but I still want to highlight a few lil pieces that I loved. 

Her friend. He couldn’t help but blush.

The man blushed. Give me a mobster that blushes. Go out and kill a bunch of people and commit horrible crimes but the second you start blushing I’m going to fall in love. 

Not the way she is for him.

This was as far as I read last time before I got sick. Not because of your story. Imagine if I reviewed your story and all I said was “your fic made me puke. 10/10″ Have I mentioned that I have a 104.2 temp? I took drugs so hopefully it goes down and I don’t fry my brain too much. Apologies if anything I say is incomprehensible. I forgot why I stopped reading the story to come over here and say something. I don’t remember what I wanted to say. 

Oh! Yes! I went back to reread that paragraph. The yandere vibes I got from that paragraph. I hope I’m not reading into it but mmmmmmm we share a similar brain and we love a stalker Peter. He was very sweet up until this paragraph when suddenly his slightly creepy thoughts seep in. Like this:  God, this precious girl—she was so trusting. Baby boy screams of killer/yandere/stalker/obsessive vibes and I love him. I trust you fully to give me the evil mob fic that I desire. 

He would follow them and venture on any journey where they may lead.

He flops from being romantic, wonderful, typical Peter Parker that we all know and love to “she was so trusting” “for him” and it’s so delicious that it cures all my illnesses.  

I hate Tod with one D. I hope Peter kills him for being a dick boss. I could see him killing off the annoying people in her life behind the scenes. I know I said I wasn’t going to obsess over every single line but apparently I can’t help myself. I feel like I need you in the room with me while I read so I can just shout all this out at your face as I go instead of pausing to type. 

Tough girl. She didn’t need Peter to defend her.

Yes she does. Kill him Peter! Kill him! 

Neither did Tod.

Ha! Ha ha! Hahahaha! Fuck you Tod with one D. I want to curl up in your lap like a cat, Liz, while you tell me bedtime stories about yandere mob Peter. 

“Peter Parker!”

omg. His fake name is up! She’ll know he was lying to her! Fisk is here! omg.

 if he wasn’t busy envisioning a scenario where he’d have to kill the three men in the room with just the tools available in a coffee shop.

That’s so hot. Stick his hand in a blender, Peter! Then fuck me on the counter top. 

They’d be back. He’d be there first.

If my throat wasn’t raw and in constant agony I would be screaming right now.

OH SHIIIT we get a shift in perspective. I’m excited. 

She was incredibly grateful that he had been standing by the door, and there’s no way he could’ve heard that.

oh honey if only you knew the things this man could hear

Her being abducted from the subway is beautiful. I love that it opened to rooftops. That’s so cool. 

Something about the Rolls Royce, the billowing coat, the leather gloves holding a gun...mmm, I shouldn’t be turned on by this but I can’t help it. I am so enamored with the description of his entire group. 

AHHHH for a moment I was sad that it was over but then I remembered that there’s two more chapters. I guess that’s the beauty of being behind on reading. I don’t have to wait to read more. 

Thank you for keeping my night of yuck entertaining and enjoyable. I’m already in love with this story. I love this version of Peter even though we haven’t got much of what he can do yet. I already know he’s got a darkness in there that I’m hoping we’ll get to see. 

iloveyou

sugar and vice, pt 1 [mob!tasm!peter x fem!reader]

summary: I have a meet-cute in a coffee shop. but for mob!peter.

words: 5.5k

warnings: Shameless TASM mob!daddy Peter fantasies, including, but not limited to, kidnapping, knives, bang bang shoot shoot, pining, eventual smut

Part 1

“Just a coffee, black. Biggest ya got.”

Wearily, yet still wired, Peter tapped his fingers on the stainless steel counter. It was late. Or early. Streetlamps still blazed in unholy darkness outside. It had been a long night. But he had felt like he’d been up for years. 

Across from him, a young woman wearing overalls and a daisy-yellow bandana gave him a heavy nod. “Sure,” she replied, gravely. “I have to warn you, though. We over-roast our beans. It’s bitter as hell.”

He blinked at her, not expecting such honesty. She had a trusting face. Pretty eyes. 

“Ya wanna sweeten it up for me?”

He could hear the lame pickup line of a younger version of himself. One that wore a confident smirk, walked with bravado. One that hadn’t lost what he had lost. The older Peter of today brushed that voice away. “I like bitter.”

He glanced up at her eyes and saw sympathy. “Oof, tragic,” she frowned, shaking her head teasingly, her coyness peeking through. She retrieved a paper cup and filled the dark liquid to the brim. 

The personalness of it threw him off. Peter had wandered in like a zombie. He only briefly heard her ask for his order and his name, both of which he gave, and he expected nothing in return but the coffee. He watched her carefully, shifting uncomfortably. He was the only customer in the shop at this hour, but he didn’t expect to be seen. 

“Here you go,” she declared, handing the cup over. “One large black graveyard dirt, extra tears.”

It wasn’t so much the joke, rather the way she beamed when she said it. It was like sunlight peeking through the curtains just right, casting a familiar space in an ethereal glow. 

She glowed.

Keep reading

[shameboree]

Could you tell us more about your bad vives AU? I love your art btw <3

okay id like to preface with a lot of it is VIBES which means if smth doesnt make sense i need everyone to suspend the FUCK out of their disbelief dont question me we are here for a GOOD TIME and a GOOD TIME ONLY. here are some bullet points largely summing up things ive already drawn!!!! pls note my fav kind of Time Stuff is bullshit miserable groundhog day style time loops

-chat blanc gets the bunny miraculous we dont ask questions about this

-he SLINKS ARND IN THE SHADOWS of paris for a while and it builds up marinettes paranoia bc shes TOTALLY 100% SEEN CHAT NOIR and knows that absolutely he isnt akumatized so she gaslights herself into thinking she hasnt caught random glimpses of chat blanc BUT ALSO spirals into a state of FULL BLOWN constant fight or flight response and wont sleep so that shes not vulnerable

-blah blah chat blanc drops in on her while adrien is arnd entirely bc i really wanted to draw that thing of adrien doing the Mom Arm when the car stops too fast bc this whole sitch is just a violent messy WRECK. anyway chat blancs whole attitude is like hewwo my love <:3c im here to give us a super romantic ending <:3c and marinettes response to everything is just like. okay cool, i am going to puke now!! meanwhile adriens just like what the FUCK is happening here

-anyway. more cat n mouse games. ANYWAY. at some point its lb vs cb but chat blanc is just having a great week and WINNING so gets her earrings or smth who cares and successfully romeo and juliets himself n marinette yandere style. a VERY ROMANTIC ENDING bc nothing was ever gonna fix things OBVI so ofc they have to just die in each others arms 💖

-YES adrien experiences massive manpain NO i dont care anyones opinion on it bc i love to see the kids cry. OBVI he is catastropically devastated and NO there is no identity reveal hes just deeply and viciously torn tf UP over marinette getting dead and also feeling completely helpless AND ALSO ALSO like hes the one to blame <:3

-everyone is so catatonic in the wake of No More Marinette that even adrien doesnt notice ladybug hasnt been arnd since

-idk. timeloop shit. adriens stuck in a cycle of the night before (V HARD TO GET A HEAD START IN SUCH A SHORT TIMEFRAME!!) day of, n day after (so no matter what he always has to reexperience the aftermath hehe). i am actually not a huge fan of when longer timespan loops get past mid teens (ESP when it gets to TRIPLE DIGITS???!) bc it feels like it cheapens the experience and also acute stress is sexier than chronic SO ANYWAY. eventually he will obviously succeed in brking the loop and keeping marinette frm dying. good for him.

-every loop is a little different bc every loop marinette CANT PUT HER FINGER ON IT but she knows something is Not Right, which chat blanc is ALSO feelin, so every time they react or do smth diff which means adrien is constantly having to deal w CHANGING VARIABLES !! hes having a bad time. marinette is having a bad time. chat blanc is having a very good time

-final actual confrontation or whatever is pure marichat (DOUBLETEAM. MARI IS AN ACTIVE PARTICIPANT EVEN AS A CIVILIAN. YOU GO BABY!!). ive only drawn adrinette moment but the whole thing is very marichat bc im PREDICTABLE!! anyway no lb bc marinette freaks out cb is gonna take her earrings or cataclysm them so she just straight up swallows em. good job baby.

-THE END BABY!! epilogue reveal EVENTUALLY but for quite some time after they are both quietly carrying the weight of their secret traumas alone w neither of them having a full picture of the situation but not knowing it. what a good time :)

i think this looks v adrien focused but they are all having their separate little stories here and its largely marinette feeling isolated and small for all her mistakes, and chat blanc feels like the worst possible one she has or could ever make so she cant consider asking anyone, let alone CHAT NOIR HIMSELF!! to help her, which just makes everything 100000x harder. by the end of the STORY PROPER she accepts she can trust herself in chat noirs hands but shes still too scared to put her full weight on him bc she doesnt wanna FUCK UP. meanwhile adrien wont say shit to her abt it bc he doesnt wanna burden her w his SECRETS also hes drownin in guilt. also eventual identity reveal changes nothing for him in terms of grief bc he already felt like he died every time marinette did except worse bc he had to just keep living anyway :) but now also hes afraid of an identity reveal for probably obvious reasons. and then beloved CHAT BLANC man of the HOUR switched gears frm wanting to Fix things to wanting to destroy things bc hes a fucking yandere wifeguy OKAY. he knows he is forever RUINED for love of marinette and since he cant have her future is instead entirely focused on making sure he has all of her end <:3c

dw the kids are gonna be OKAY. they are insane and the power of LOVE will help pull them thru, theyre just going to be incredibly clingy for the rest of their LIVES

i love to draw very cutesy w soft and warm palettes and then have the Content be batshit miserable badtimes. i also like to draw a lot of goofy moments btwn and during the Traumas bc i love to be a dumbass

THIS ENDED UP SO LONG SORRY EVERYONE!!! please enjoy my unhinged misery porn 😊💖

[cheelduh]

How to get Hit-listed by a Stonehide Lawachurl (High School AU!)

Part 6 of the highschool au

Parts: 1 2 3 4 5

Pairing: Childe x fem!reader

Synopsis: Childe’s a menace to everyone when playing dodgeball. Even as his new girlfriend, you’re no exception to his affinity for raising hell during the most tranquil of circumstances.

Warnings: Swearing, bad humor, and absolutely horrid spelling mistakes.

Words: 5.3k

Note: Longest chapter yet sheeeesh 🗿

Negotiation is an art.

Childe, or "Tartaglia" has utilized the art of negotiations in his daily life. Whether that be scamming the ninth graders with fake weed, or convincing the teachers why he doesn't deserve detention for injecting random fluids from the chem department into the school's resident pet frog.

All in all, by becoming an expert in the field of negotiations, Childe is nothing if not a master, tongue silver and smooth as he takes on a new opponent.

Which is why he dutifully negotiates with you on this Monday morning in front of the History classroom, getting down on one knee and pulling out a—

"I hope to Barbatos you aren't proposing Childe," You hiss, panicked eyes landing on the velvet box he's pulling out. "Considering that we're sixteen and still in highschool."

As if remembering those meagre details, Childe gulps and shoves the box back into his pocket. "Uhhh yeah, I was just, tying my shoelaces?" It comes out as a question.

You let out a sigh of relief, overlooking how he undoes his shoe laces just to do them all over again.

The ring burns in his pocket as he gets back up.

"Why did you call me here?" You ask, hand on your hip, foot impatiently tapping. The tap tap tap isn't because of impatience though, it's because you need something to cover the nervous palpitations of your heart.

He gives you a vicious smile, sinister enough to shake the bones of anyone who's observing, opens his daring mouth to show the imaginary sharpness of his teeth. Then with the confidence of about a hundred shirtless tiktok boys, he finally demands:

"If you don't become my girlfriend, I will kill—"

"Yeah sure thing." You answer before he can finish, soft smile growing.

Childe chuckles evilly, "I knew you'd say that, but I've come prep—wait a minute." He snaps out of his villain origin phase, stumbles back a bit, then his eyebrows are furrowing in confusion. "Did you just say yes?"

You nod, cheeks flaring up. "Don't make me repeat it." Then you look away, too embarrassed to see his reaction.

For a second, Childe's internal conflict following the chain of this event causes him to temporarily malfunction, and all he can do it stare at you in amazement.

It's only when you tell him to stop staring and jump off the school roof is when he snaps out of his daze, a grin festering on his face.

He lunges straight at you, giving you no time to deflect him as he wraps his bone crushing arms around you, then lands a soft smooch on your forehead.

"Let go of me you idiot!" You barely wheeze out, light headed not only because of your lungs being squeezed like oranges, but also because of the sloppy kiss he's delivered so ungracefully.

He does so reluctantly, and you're unamused, wiping the stickiness off your forehead with a sleeve as he steps back.

"Ew what the fuck?" You say, glaring at him. "What's wrong with you?"

He completely ignores you, giddy with excitement. "Ah girly, you have no idea how long I've wanted to do that. I can't wait to introduce you to my parents and eat lunch together and kiss each other during break—"

"Slow down." You tell him, as red as a tomato towards all his suggestions. "We've barely started dating."

"Oh," Childe stops momentarily, then nods in agreement. "You're right. We should start small. How about I walk you to class?"

"We're already in front of class." You nudge your head towards the classroom, and catch Zhongli and Venti peeking from the side of the door, trying not to be obvious.

You narrow your eyes at them threateningly.

Childe tugs your arm, lovingly looking you up and down. "Let's walk to class together anyways. In a circle."

A complete waste of time, yet it's impossible to say no to the face he's making.

Before you guys depart he suddenly stops, gasping loudly, remembers something important. "I have to make a quick phone call."

Childe speed dials Scaramouche, and the latter picks up annoyed, answers the phone with muffled sounds in the back. Something that sounds a bit like pleading and whimpering.

He then mutters something that forces dread into your system. "You can release the hostages."

You hear Scaramouche groan on the other end, muttering a "such a pain in my ass", but choose not to question it immediately.

As soon as the phone call is done and you're back by his side, you point at his phone questioningly. "What hostages Childe?"

He gives you a close eyed smile, taking the fifth.

"What hostages Childe?" You repeat again weakly.

—

First period goes by smoothly for the most part. Lisa, your so called best friend, once again is bought off like a corrupted politician by your new boyfriend. She sits far away from you, leaving you without any defences against the menace that dotes on you a bit too much.

Throughout class, all Childe does is score Venti's colourful pens, and then writes you annoying little love notes, using the expert origami skills he's learnt from Anthon to deliver them to you.

Despite the threat of distraction these notes pose, the corners of your lips can't help but tug upwards at his enthusiasm and attempt at poetry.

Zhongli makes sure not to ask you two any questions the entire class, leaving you to your own accord.

Lunch comes around soon enough, and your usual table of Diluc, Jean, Kazuha, and Lisa is disturbed by the torpedo that is Childe, and he brings collateral with him.

Kaeya whole-heartedly ceases the opportunity to sit near his stoic statue of a brother purely with the intention to annoy the premature crap out of him, but one look from the redhead sends the chicken-shit right back where he came from.

When Childe forcefu—lovingly feeds you the smiley fries and dinosaur nuggets his stunning mom packed him, Diluc looks just about ready to hurl.

Lisa winks at you two, Kazuha doesn't even bother looking, and Jean tries with upmost effort to keep Diluc from launching himself at the whipped fatui boy basking in your attention.

"Quit embarrassing me." You whisper-exclaim sharply, noticing how Jean passes Diluc—all green in the face, a puke bag discreetly. "Shouldn't you be doing something illegal right now? Or vaping in the stalls?"

"I quit vaping for you girlie." Childe boops your nose with his finger. "Well, at least full time. I still need a puff when I'm around Signora, to like, get rid of her awful vibes."

While it is endearing how he quit vaping for you, it doesn't lessen the need for you to bury yourself alive right here and now.

Then you sigh, pick up a Dino nuggie, and shove it in his mouth, the tip of his tongue flicking your finger. You die inside.

"There, you happy?" The action of feeding him is so...intimate, it sets your heart aflame.

Childe's a lovesick puppy when he chews, imaginary tail wagging a hundred times a second. "Can I have a kiss too?"

Diluc slams his hands on the table and stands up, hurriedly picks up his grape juice and makes a break for it. You don't blame him.

"I'll kill you." You smack him with a napkin, blazing red. "I'll end your pathetic little life right here and now."

By the end of lunch, Lisa and Jean have to restrain you so you don't break the world record for the maximum amount of mutilations that can be done on a single body.

Fourth period is a break. A break from Childe you mean. It's expected of the school's resident bad boy aka menace to skip classes in order to skip over the bodies of his victims.

You bask in the momentary peace, until it's disrupted by a tap on the window. Reckon it's nothing, maybe a bird flew into it, because intentional taps are impossible from the third floor. Except your conviction is hindered yet again by another tap.

What a nuisance.

You finally turn to look outside the window, face down, and spot Childe waving incessantly, rocks in hand, oozing with excitement that can't be concealed and a grin that nearly takes you into cardiac arrest. Without meaning to, you send him a small smile, waving back as Baal drones on about quantum superposition.

Successful in gaining your attention, he moves aside to reveal the hefty corpse of a stonehide lawachurl with a destructive path in its wake. The ridges and bumps of its hide are enough to do a number on the road, ruining the school's playing field.

Your smile drops down into a horrified frown in the span of a few seconds.

"Wow." Albedo, your lab partner whispers from next to you, for the first time distracted in class.

"Yeah," Kaeya whistles from behind you two, one hand supporting his head. "What a gesture."

"Y/N, I'd be grateful if you could possibly obtain a black crystal horn for me from the specimen." The blonde asks, entranced by the corpse that your boyfriend is flaunting off to you with pride.

"Aren't those things endangered cutie?" Lisa makes sure to butt in, as per usual.

Yes. Your boyfriend with several issues and an affinity for chaos brought you the corpse of an endangered geo-infused creature that's five times the size of him. During school hours too, the fiend. Like a cat dragging the corpse of a dead mouse to its owner.

You groan into your hands, heart racing while the fire is coursing through your veins.

That idiot.

—

Childe is exceptional at a lot of things, like the switch and making weapons out of seemingly harmless things (e.g shiv out of a toothbrush), but what he prides in the most is physical education. With washboard abs, uber tall height, and a dickish smile to top it all, he has everything it takes to showcase his top tier athletic abilities.

He pounces at the opportunity to show off in front of you, wanting nothing more than to have you fawn over his strength. He's sure it'll be enough to have you all over him, wrapping your cute little arms around his muscled ones, passing him his water bottle and dabbing away at the sweat on his forehead. Most of all, he daydreams you planting your soft lips on his to congratulate him after a big game.

Physical education, for you, is a pain. You may be good with your brain, but games exert more energy than necessary, and coordination that lacks logic entirely. You're just here for the credit. The over-achiever part of you walks the extra mile to ensure a grade in the high nineties.

Although witnessing Childe clad in the school shorts and matching polo shirt is enough to make this worth your while, you'll die before admitting it. Especially when he gawks at you as if it's the first time you're wearing the sports uniform yourself. It has you fidgeting with your fingers and tugging your shorts down nervously.

You try not to flip him off like you usually do, especially since it's not even been twenty four hours since he's asked you out.

Mr.Zhongli blows a whistle, calling all the students over to surround him. It's odd that he teaches most of the subjects at this school, seemingly the only adult present, but no one questions it in fear of genshin logic. Moving on, he explains that you have a dodge ball game today.

Lisa groans beside you. She hates anything that requires the exertion of energy, oftentimes bringing a book to read while everyone else screams in the background.

You're relieved, mainly because Childe and Tohma are usually captains, and Childe always picks you to be on his team as a means to flex his skills. For you, it means sitting back and watching him carry your team towards a straight A.

However, all your dreams are crushed when Zhongli announces the team leaders.

"Y/N, I trust that you'll lead the blue team to the upmost of your ability. Childe, prepare to lead the opposing red team."

Your knees shake as you stare at him in disbelief. "But Sir—"

"No buts Y/N." He scolds you lightly, checking off your names on the clip board. "I'd like to witness your exceptional leadership skills."

In reality, Zhongli just wants to reenact a lovers-on-opposing sides trope, wanting to see how the two of you crack under the pressure. In a way, it is an exercise of leadership.

Instead of picking teams, Zhongli assigns teams for the both of you according to his own judgement, trying to make it as fair as possible.

Lisa pats your back after your teammates are assigned, trying to cheer you up. "It's going to be okay. You guys are dating now, so he'll go easy on you."

You look up to meet Childe's eyes from across the court. He gives you a charming smile, which turns downright barbaric as he lifts up a thumb and motions to slash his neck with it. Then he wickedly mouths "I'm going to destroy you."

You blink and turn away as fast as you can in fear. "We're fucked."

Lisa, witnessing the entire ordeal nods alongside you, doing nothing to reassure you because she herself has given up.

Suddenly a hand lands on your shoulder gripping you tightly. "Let's wipe the floor with that g*nger." The voice is ice cold, threatening enough to send a shiver down your bones.

You turn to meet Rosaria, who frowns at you. Most of the time she doesn't really put an effort in dodgeball, but she must've seen your crestfallen expression, trying to comfort you in her own detached way.

Rosaria is the other school nurse in training, alongside Barbara, but somehow her patients end up more injured, sick, or mentally defiled than before they entered the room. She also spends after hours beating up Chads in the school parking lot. Also runs a blog with her booby co-author Kaeya that emphasizes mostly on the dark knight hero.

Spotting the rest of your team behind her, you begin to criticize them one by one.

Standing against the wall is Kaeya, pushing both his biddies up with his crossed arms like an absolute whore. He's breaking about several dress code rules right now. Venti is next to him, drunk off his butt as he beat boxes with Tohma.

Eula mutters under her breath, on and on about seeking revenge on Zhongli for putting her beloved Amber on the opposing team, promising him an unfortunate fate. Xiao is miserably squatting on the floor, sharp eyes observing everyone in the gym, scowl not ready to dissipate anytime soon.

Then you look over at Childe's team in the distance. Jean with a determined look on her face as she listens to Childe's game plan, and Diluc crossing his arms with his brows furrowed in concentration. Even Amber, the best baller in the school, is stretching out her arms, assisted by the gifted princess of the school, Ayaka.

Not only that, but Childe has the king of dodging on his team—Kaedehara goddamn Kazuha. Beidou shoots you a wicked smirk, winking at you until she's disrupted by Ningguang's shove.

"Oh my god." You cry out when the realization hits you, falling to your knees in despair. "We're completely fucked!"

"No we aren't." Rosaria mutters lowly. "You're only fucked if you want to be. Don't you dare throw in the towel before the fight has even begun."

"But I—"

"Stop it." She grumbles again, rolling her eyes. "You're being annoying now. If you lose the game, that makes him the dom. Don't you want to be the dom?"

She's right. You do want to be the dom.

Her words of encouragement, and not at all veiled insults somehow allow you to find motivation deep within yourself. You get up and stomp towards the rest of your team, calling their attention with your newfound confidence.

"Listen here soldiers!" You shout out, determination clear as day. "I know I am not capable of leading. I know that I barely have the physical capabilities needed to defeat the opposite team."

You take a deep breath, pointing at your cutie patootie boyfriend across the gym as you seethe. "But that man, that harbinger of chaos, that instrument of war, is nothing but a tyrant. And I cannot let such a tyrant be a victor in this battle. Not when innocent lives are at stake."

Tohma speaks up, sending you a bewildered look. "What lives—"

"Shut the fuck up soldier!"

"Yessir!" He immediately stiffens, saluting you.

"Are you ready soldiers?" Your voice booms, and everyone reinforces their priorities, except for Kaeya though. He just lazily smirks.

After Zhongli places the balls in the middle, everyone prepares for the battle of the century.

'Gods, please let us win this war' you pray to the archons above, closing your eyes in concentration.

'Give me the strength to flex my superior skills' Childe wishes, then adds on quickly 'also I want to dominate this world.'

'Give me the strength to make it to Friday.' Rosaria prays for nobody but herself, rolls her eyes at all the unnecessary dramatics of this dodgeball game.

"3..." "2..." "1..."

Zhongli ends the countdown by blowing hard into a whistle, signaling the beginning of the game.

Not even two seconds later a ball whooshes past a few of you at the speed of light, followed by a tail of fire. The ball of death kisses Kaeya square in the nose, sending him reeling back into a wall with enough sheer force to cause an indent.

Everyone winces.

Before you all can reel in from the initial shock and make sense out of wherever the hell that asteroid came from, Zhongli's voice booms throughout the gymnasium.

"Mr. Ragnvindr, headshots are strictly forbidden. You are out!"

With a scoff, Diluc, satisfied with his work, leaves the court with no apparent qualms. He accepts his defeat with the upturned corners of his lips.

Rosaria pokes Kaeya's body with the tip of her heels, then cringes when he shakes awake, up from his short lived knockout and sends a wink her way.

"Getting handsy when I'm unconscious? I didn't think you'd be one to partake in such vulgar activities." His eye twinkles in mischief, and if his momentary defeat at the hands of brother has him fuming, he doesn't show it one bit.

The only thing that keeps Rosaria from knocking him out for real is the blood that trails down onto his lip. She doesn't want to clean blood off her shoes, especially since it's a pain in the ass to get off.

You're about to tell them to get up and take this seriously, but a softball does your job for you when it darts straight at Rosaria. With pristine accuracy, the girl manages to pitch herself away last minute.

You swivel in Childe's direction, who wears a remorseless grin, which only grows wider once you pick up a blue softball next to your feet.

The glare that he receives has him shaking in exhilaration. More so than the elation he'd felt when he took down that Stonehide Lawachurl for you, as a gift of promise.

You begin to bark out orders. "Eula, Xiao, and Rosaria cover the front and act as decoys."

They nod immediately, but Xiao still clicks his tongue in distaste as he starts following orders.

Then you offer Kaeya a hand. "Get up princess. You're on sniper duty."

With Diluc out of commission, the battle is fair and square now considering both sides have the same amount of people. Ergo, no one's at a disadvantage.

That is—until Lisa fake trips over pure air, landing on the floor in a dramatic slow motion.

You roll your eyes.

"Oh dear! I think I've twisted something." She cries out, crawling away from the battle field, acting as if she's paralyzed completely. "Don't worry about me. I'll cheer you on from afar. The battle has begun, and it seems as if I've become the first casualty."

You don't let the countless amount of Lisa's betrayals get to you, even this one. It's just her personality to flake out on anything and everything that requires her to do more than below the bare minimum.

Focusing on the match, your eyes are only on Childe, just as his are on you.

You aim the ball straight at his ribs, step back a bit, then propel the ball in the air with as much energy as you can, using your entire body as a power outlet. The ball spins in the air, reaching the awaiting victim.

Childe, unbothered, dodges the ball with perfect precision, the ball not even grazing his clothes at the least.

Your jaw drops open, and you're about to move for another ball until he grabs the same ball you threw at him. With the sharpness of a predator locking in on its pray, he focuses on you like a missile locks on its target, launching the ball in the air for power that has you trembling, second to the powerful ball that was thrown by Diluc.

With your pupils dilated at your impeding doom, it's Xiao that grabs you and thrusts away.

The ball lands on the floor, smoke rising.

"Holy shit!" You shriek over everyone else's grunts and shuffles. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"Isn't it poetic?" Childe shouts back while he slides away from the balls being thrown. "Lover against lover. Either you're by my side, or in my way. And right now, you're in my way." He narrows his eyes dangerously. "Albeit reluctantly, I will take the victory babe. Even if we are on opposing sides."

"There was zero reluctance in that throw asshole!"

You thank Xiao, who wipes his hands on his pants in disgust. "Filthy humans. So pathetic and weak."

Mildly offended, you roll your sleeves up and begin to fight with everything you've got as soon as he walks away.

The dodgeball game goes as expected for the most part, Eula carrying for most of it with the flow of her skills.

Tohma actually tries like the presumptuous asshole he is, aims straight for his girlfriend Ayaka, and takes her out completely. His only justification for that is "I ain't no simp!"

He shelves his cocky attitude when facing Childe with a sense of dignity and prestige you didn't think he had in him.

The two one of a kind fuckbois puff out their chests so that they look more hefty than they are, having some kind of an Alpha match. The 'me stronger than you. me dominant. me get all the women' type beat.

Unfortunately, Childe manages to fence him with his throws, and lo and behold, the square off ends with a dejected Tohma dragging his feet to the nearest bench.

Eula oversees that Ningguang and Beidou meet a quick end, taking their slower dodging to her advantage. You're actually rooting for her, tasting a sliver of victory that you haven't reached yet. So close, yet so far.

Amber trips on herself in the middle of throwing a what should've been coordinated ball, and it loses most of its momentum. Xiao is directly in front of it, and will probably be able to catch it with ease.

Ah, another short victory.

If Childe loses his expert baller, he's only left with Kazuha and Jean, whom's lack in the art of throwing is made up by their ability to dodge most of the fastballs.

However, all your plans and hopes are crushed when Eula slides in front of Xiao last minute, sticks out her foot, and let's the pathetic product of Amber's would-be downfall hit her on the leg with the total force of about 0.0000001 newtons.

Your chances of winning have just went down by a staggering 60%.

"Eula!" You cry out, collapsing on the ground. "How could you?"

Tohma cups his mouth and bellows obnoxiously from the bench. "SIMP!"

"I cannot avenge my clan if I win a false victory." Eula crosses her arms, casting her gaze down in visible uncomfortableness. "Amber will pay her dues in two business days. Mark my words."

It all a load of cap. She's sleeping with the enemy and you know it.

You grit your teeth. Fuming with an abundance of rage, you pick up three balls and throw them all back to back, taking out Amber and Kazuha simultaneously.

Childe's heart flutters in another kind of delight when you pluck out his team members one by one with no hints of remorse.

In retaliation, Jean and Childe work in sync to swiftly take care of a distracted Rosaria.

"Shit." You hiss underneath your breath.

It's Venti, Kaeya, Xiao, and you who are the only remainders of your short-lived team. It's still two more people than Childe and Jean, giving you the upper hand briefly.

It's a mystery to everyone how Venti is still standing. You reckoned you would've lost him as collateral during the beginning of the match, but it seems he's able to hold his own.

When you squint hard enough, you realize that Xiao has been t-posing in front of the nonchalant SoundCloud rapper that's about as high as a kite. He must've been defending him throughout the entire round.

His defenses are all in vain once Childe correlates another attack with Jean, sharp-shooting four rapid balls that are secured on their targets.

Xiao swerves to the side, avoiding most of them, until one is about to reach a nonchalant as shit Venti.

You scream at him, eyes widening as you run towards them in slow motion. "NOoOoOOOo-"

The yaksha doesn't waste a moment, shifting so that he's covering Venti's body with his own, which to be honest is a pretty heartwarming sight.

The ball hits his lean back, a sharp thud following when it hits the floor.

Xiao is out. But his sacrifice is so inspiring that it brings tears to Zhongli's eyes, makes everyone in the gym go silent in awe.

Even the sadistic Childe melts, cerulean eyes gaining back their light, halting his fire.

When Xiao finally uncovers Venti's body, he speaks from the bottom of his dead heart. "I'd do anything for you..."

Venti shakes out of his baked state, blinking at him stupidly with a nervous chuckle. "Ehe~? I don't even know who you are."

The entire class sweat drops. Whatever slip of compassion on Childe's face earlier has become nothing but a memory. Even your eyes dim.

The next time Childe aims and locks at Venti, it's not with malicious intent. It's a favour, for you. In a way it adds dimension to who he is and the lengths he's willing to go for you, even at war.

Venti steps away with a bounce in his gait, hands behind his head.

Kaeya and you are the only ones left standing now, and the game becomes too tight knit to tell which side's going to win. It becomes utter chaos, balls being launched every second, stamina slowly decreasing as everyone lurches away from their demise.

As laid-back  and charming as the boy presents himself to be in front of the ladies, he's not very patient when it comes to facing circumstances like these. He's side lined for most of the match, finding it boring. And when Kaeya gets bored, the intensity of the tide changes, and everyone knows they're going to get a run for their money.

Kaeya coasts a hand around your hips, pulls you real close, purposefully leaning his bust into the side your innocent arm.

When Childe's smile drops, and the glint in his eyes reads 'DANGER' in full caps, you know it's time to be properly scared.

Your blood runs cold, mouth opening briefly and then clamping shut immediately.

"I'm so glad to be on your team Y/N. Maybe this'll give us the chance to become...closer." His hot breath fans against your ear, voice loud enough to be heard by onlookers.

Suddenly everything stops, falling into an unsettling silence.

You attempt glance at Childe, being met with a glare that's directed at the Captain of the Skating team. The ball in the orange-haired boy's hand deflates from the sheer intensity of the squeeze.

The tension becomes unreadable. Even Zhongli is caught mid-sip with his tea.

Quickly, you shrug off Kaeya's arm. "Childe, he's just fucking with you—"

Childe cuts you off by hurling a ball with nothing but the objective of cold blooded murder.

Kaeya whizzes past you, successfully ducking to avoid the hit, and his amused laugh rings through your ears. He rolls away from the following attacks, chucking his own series of colourful balls.

The events that unfold are blood-curdling enough to make even Satan boil his pants with diarrhea.

You take the clear opportunity presented by their concurrent dumbassery to take out Jean, the ace of the other team.

Childe's rage blows over when Kaeya eventually loses interest and takes the L, playfully winking at you while walking backwards to the rest of your team.

Now that all the distractions are dealt with, Childe's eyes flicker to you, and you share a murderous glance.

"Finally," He slaps the softball with a free hand, lips thinning into a homicidal smile. "I've been waiting for this. You better not disappoint me."

While Childe may be a violent anarchist who's only aspiration in life is to become a government contracted killer, he's also supposed to be your sweet boyfriend.

Slowly, you inch towards the front. "We don't have to do this Childe. We can coexist peacefully."

"Peace was never an option Y/N." He sighs, cracking his neck. "Besides—how else can I prove myself in your eyes? You may be my greatest weakness, but you are also my greatest adversary."

"I don't know, maybe start with not trying to obliterate me?"

"I'm obliterating you out of respect." He counters with a playful pout.

"Well I'll be paying my respects to your grave!" You lurch ahead into a sudden assault, yeeting as many balls as you can his way.

"That's my girl!" Childe whistles, grin widening psychotically when he goes all out, leaving you with an absence in favorable openings.

Out of nowhere, the fire alarms start going haywire, along with a beep in the PA system, which stops you two in your tracks.

A panicked voice of who you assume to be Yanfei shrieks through the comms. "CODE ORANGE! CODE ORANGE! EVACUATE THE BUILDING, THERE'S A STONEHIDE LAWACHURL ON THE PREMISES."

As if on cue, the ground starts rumbling and a Stonehide Lawachurl bursts through the halls and into the gym, looking around for something. Or rather, someone. It's sharp bumps and ridges make an indent on the floor, cracking it in.

Everyone falls into a state of panic, Zhongli trying his best to evacuate the class from the emergency back door as quickly as possible. "Settle down class, we have to follow protocol."

You, devoid of any emotion or sense of fear, turn to your boyfriend in such a calm manner it strikes an ominous dread in his stomach.

You stare.

Childe stares harder.

“I thought you killed it."

"I did." He retorts slowly, switching to gaze at the raging beast in amazement.

"Then why is it in the school!" You seethe, glaring daggers at his side profile.

Childe chuckles sheepishly, scratches the back of his neck. "I may or may not have stuffed the body in the boys washroom. Y'know, for safe keeping?"

The Lawachurl locks it's gaze on you, the prey, and then roars furiously. Turning into its geo-enhanced state, it begins charging at you with all its might, the target being solely Childe.

Leave it to your boyfriend to get on the hit list of an endangered beast.

"Fear not my vibrant girlfriend. Our first date can be surviving this." Childe cheekily kisses the top of your trembling hand before grasping it tightly and making a run for it.

[weirdo19]

My rwarb reading experience

I think Alex has a full blown crush on Henry without even knowing. Like I feel he’s confused about the difference between love and hate.

NOT ALEX FALLING ON TOP OF THE $75000 EIGHT TIER ROYAL WEDDING CAKE. I-

HOW DOES ONE DO THAT

OH GOD ALEX NO, POOR HENRY. POOR CAKE

HAHA IMAGINE BEING THE REASON WHY THERES A THREAT OF A SECOND ENGLISH-AMERICAN WAR BECAUSE YOU AND THE PRINCE FELL ON A CAKE HAHAHA

I love ellen, she’s funny. “ but as the president, all I want is to have the cia fake your death and ride the dead-kid sympathy into a second term” has me rolling on molly HAHA

Stan Ellen Claremont

AHHHH THE PHONE CALL WAS SO FUCKIN CUTE , RUN ME OVER

God why that sweater for Christmas Alex. Just why

ALEX YOUR NOT BEING A DRAMATIC ASSHOLE. You fucking deserve parents who don’t argue on every turn. It’s not your fault they can’t be adults and I get how tiring it gets. YOU ARE NOT A DRAMATIC ASSHOLE.

I just wanna give my baby a hug, poor Alex.

Wtf is a noogie 👁👄👁

I’m confused, does Alex know he’s gay or bi. Because he can’t not know that. ITS SO FUCKING OBVIOUS

NOT THEM DANCIN TO GET LOW

NOT ALEX FORGETTING THE CONFETTI CANONS

Oh god, poor Henry. My man really just watched his crush kiss someone else

AHHHHHHH THEY FUCKING KISSED, OMGGGGGG FÜCK YES

HOW THE FUCK DOES ALEX THINK HES STRAIGHT, YOUR THE FARTHEST THING FROM STRAIGHT.

ALEX PLS TELL ME HOW YOU THPUGHT YOU WERE STRAIGHT AFTER KISSING YOUR BEST FRIEND FOR AN HOUR ON HIS TWIN BED. HOWWWWWWW YOU DUMBASS

Eeeeeeeeeee Alex just called Liam. Idk how this is gonna go but let’s see.

I’m losing my shit at Henry humming god save the queen so his boner can go away. I can’t stop laughing.

He has diagrams, oh god he has diagrams.

AHHHHH ITS THE ICONIC LINE

“I’m very, very gay” is my new fav quote

I don’t like this friends with benefits thing, it makes me want to bash my head in.

HAHA OMG HENRY CALLING AMERICA THE OFF-BRAND ENGLAND IS EVERYTHING TO ME, ITS SO ACCURATE

I love the karaoke bar scene it’s cute

“Bisexuality is truly rich and complex tapestry” is such an iconic line and i fucking agree

Page 202 is so adorable I might puke

I’m going to fucking THROTTLE LUNA

I’m so fucking glad Alex has Henry. I love them so much

I love zahara, she’s is so funny and such a mood.

I can’t stop laughing, not a fucking PowerPoint. I fucking love Ellen

“Exploring your sexuality: healthy, but does it have to be with The prince of English” slide has me rolling on molly. This is so funny

I’m weeping, the letters 😖

Page 264 and 265 should be illegal and not okay. I’m crying my eyes out.

Alex going to see Henry has me crying

Chapter ten should not fucking exist. That bitch broke me.

Okay maybe i forgive Casey for the beginning of chapter ten since she gave me the V&A scene. “I’m taking a picture of a national gay landmark, and also a statue”

YAYYYYY WE GOT THE LETTERS BACK

I’m about to beat the crap out of Philip

I take my forgiveness back, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT SCENE WITH ALEX AND RAF. 😭

I-, page 322. That’s it that’s all I have to say

I SWEAR TO GOOD PHILIP IF YOU DONT SHUT UP IM GOING TO MURDER YOU IN THE MOST BRUTAL WAY THINKABLE

YES HENRYYYYYY IM SO PROUDDDDD, TELL IT TO HIM

Omg zahara and Shaan high fiving because they had sex is the greatest and funniest thing ever. It gives me Jim and Pam vibes from the office

“I’ve been gay as a maypole since the day I came out of mum, Philip” AND THE CROWD GOES WILDDDDDD

The world wide support has me bawling my eyes out

YES MOMMA CAT, QUEEN SHIT

STAN ELLEN CLAREMONT AND CATHERINE FOX-MOUNTCHRISTEN-WINDSOR

Omg the mural, I need someone to draw that scene pls

I swear to god if Richards doesn’t get his ass thrown in jail I’m gonna throw some hand ✋

AHHHHH THE SPEECH AHEHEHE HER NDNDBRB AHHHHHHHHHHH

Ughhhhh okay fine, I forgive Luna

So what your telling me is that Jeffrey Richards is basically trump

June saying “I majored in nouns” is so fucking funny

Also can we talk about how Liam and Alex are okay, LIKE YAYYYYYY

SHE WON FUCK YES, STAN THE TWO TERM PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, ELLEN CLAREMONT BITCHES

AHHHHHH I JUST FINSHED IT AND ITS PERFECT, I LOVE THIS BOOK SO FUCKING MUCH

[hailxhydra]

the more you say (the less I know)

By @hailxhydra​ for @iwritedumbshit​

via @friendly-neighborhood-exchange

Rating: Gen

Relationships: Tony Stark & Peter Parker, Steve Rogers & Peter Parker

Characters: Peter Parker, Tony Stark, Steve Rogers

Summary:  TONY STARK IS DEAD. The words were plastered on the front page of every newspaper across the world. Tony Stark, the resident genius, billionaire, playboy, and philanthropist, was dead. Completely, irrevocably, unchangeably, dead.

Or was he?

OR

After the events of Endgame, Peter Parker decides he has to go back in time to save his mentor’s life, finds out that Tony wasn’t everything Peter thought he was, and chaos ensues.

“You sure about this, kid?” Steve asked Peter, coming up from behind him to clasp his hand on his shoulder. Looking out into the crystal clear lake and the surrounding forest, Peter gulped, trying to get rid of that unsettling feeling at the bottom of his stomach bubbling up until it overflowed, and he broke down right in front of everyone.

“What?” he said, swallowing the lump at the back of his mouth. Turning to face Steve, he shook off the hand on his shoulder, which immediately went straight into the pockets of his black pants. He glared at Steve, though obviously not in a malicious way. He was met back with a blank stare. The impassiveness of it was relieving; Peter didn’t need any more emotion from anyone, let alone the person who had abandoned his mentor for years, without a goodbye, nor some contact information. The bleak, vacant gaze held a sort of comfort for him, being something steady, something that he could hold on to while all around him, there was chaos. It was a lifeboat.

“Look, we’ve all been there. Believe me, I know what it feels like. I was in ice for seventy years. I lost everyone. But I had people to help me through it. You do, too. You don’t have to do this.”

“What’re you trying to get at?” he blatantly asked, rolling his eyes and turning back to the lake, the calm lake, the lake that had absolutely no problems, the lake that was steadfast and balanced, the lake that was everything that Peter wanted to be. “Are you implying that I might do something? I can’t change what happened either way, what with the implications, plus, the Grandfather Paradox is a bunch of bullshit, it just creates an alternate timeline, like with blue robot lady one and two, and anyway, how would that work without any local quantum interference? It’s crazy, I mean like-”

“I’m not talking about the science behind it. I can’t know what you think, but, looking from the outside, it is pretty clear what you want to do. Now, I don’t know if anyone else realizes it, and maybe it’s just because we’re so similar that I would have taken the same line of action, but you have family here. People who care about you. Just, spend a few minutes mulling over your decision. You have to be completely sure before you do anything drastic,” Steve said, starting to walk away after he was done.

“You’re really big on monologues, aren’t you? It’s a very 40s vibe you give off!” Peter called after him, a smile gracing his face in this tough moment. Steve just made a peace sign in return, his back still facing him, and continued his conversation with Sam. He looked around, taking in the serenity of the lake house. Tony had bought it during the Blip, so Peter had never gotten around to seeing it with him. He quietly stepped inside, making sure not to make any noise as to give away his position. He wanted solitude, without anyone barging in every few minutes to check in on him, or to offer him some juice, or to whack his head with a newspaper (although that last one was mainly Sam and Bucky, and he didn’t know from where they even got the endless supply of newspapers).

The inside was nice. A change of scenery from the dark outfits everyone wore outside. Built almost entirely of walnut wood, the lake house served as a reminder that he would never get those five years back. The five years, in which everything had changed. He wondered if May had gotten dusted, too. If she had gotten married again, or had a kid. They didn’t have much time before the funeral to catch up, always being whisked away to talk to one person or another. He led his fingers across the panels of wood, taking in the peacefulness inside. Feeling a presence creeping up behind him, he swiveled around to punch the person in the gut. He widened his eyes when he realized who it was.

Bucky Barnes, aka the Winter Soldier, aka the White Wolf, aka the most dangerous man on Earth, was keeling over, hands on his midsection, looking like he was about to puke.

“OhmygoshI’msosorry,” Peter rushed, hands outstretched, but stopping in mid-air, as if he was rethinking his decision to help him up.

“Come on, kid. Why do you have to do that to a hundred-year-old man? Ever heard of ‘respect your elders’?” he groaned, stabilizing himself by putting his hands on Peter’s shoulders and lifting himself up.

Peter felt his cheeks heat up and turn scarlet before muttering a small, “I said I’m sorry.”

“What I came here to say was before you so rudely knocked me over, was that I think Bruce is firing up the machine. He wants you to suit up and get ready. It’ll be ready any time now,” Bucky said, giving a Chesire cat-like grin before turning away to talk to someone Peter didn’t know.

Peter laughed and shouted, “That wasn’t a good pun at all!”

Bucky looked back at him, gave him the middle finger, and yelled back, “I’m a hundred-year-old assassin, give me a break!”

Peter shook his head and turned to look at the suit in his hands. The suit itself was grey, with streaks of red running down it (the Avengers were very fashionable, to say the least). It had a leathery texture, but not quite leather; it was comfortable, yet effective at the same time. Most importantly, it would protect him from the quantum energy and radiation that came with time travel.

Looking at it, Peter felt unworthy, but, wearing it, he felt like he could do anything that he ever wanted. He felt like he was an Avenger. It wasn’t like anything else in the world. It was special. It was distinctly his, not anyone else’s; his.

“My wittle spidey is all gwown up now!” May exclaimed, smiling at Peter in his new time-traveling suit.

“May, I’m not a baby!” he pouted, stomping his feet on the ground, purposely acting immaturely. “I’m not your ‘wittle spidey’! I’m a grown-up kid!”

“Whatever, it’s fine. Just come with me. They’re all ready for your big superhero entrance.”

Getting there was a long hike. For some absurd reason, Bruce had decided to put the time travel machine smack in the middle of a dense forest, and it took quite a while, even in his super suit, to reach the destination.

“Peter? You ready?” Bruce (Professor Hulk) asked. He put his big green hand on his shoulder, and Peter felt something break there.

He suppressed a cry and said weakly, “Yeah.”

“You sure about that? One of us could do it.”

“Yeah, I’m sure.”

Bruce gave a soft smile and led Peter over to the launching pad.

“So what do I have to do again?” he asked.

“Just stand there. Make sure you’re holding the stones and the hammer. You need to return those things at the exact time they were taken. If you don’t, it’ll-”

“Create another timeline, I know. That’s all I have to do. Just return the stones. To the right time. Okay, let’s do this.”

He stretched out his hands and legs and went to go and stand at the pad. Surveying the crowd, he caught a certain someone’s eye. Steve took off his hat, bowed down, and smiled at him. He gave a small thumbs up to Peter, reassuring him that this was the right decision. Peter cleared his throat, nodded a few times, and gave Bruce the signal.

“Five… four… three… two… one.”

“How long will it take?” Sam asked. “I need a break.”

Bruce looked at his monitor in confusion. Typing something into it, he showed Sam the calculations. Sam just raised his eyebrows.

“I’m not some science genius. You’re going to have to explain it to me.”

“He was supposed to come back in two seconds. He should’ve been back by now.”

“What?” he asked, although there wasn’t anything he could do, and he knew that. Steve smiled a bit and turned around to face the wilderness. Unfortunately, this action did not go unnoticed by Bucky. He lunged towards him and pulled him up by the collar. He raised his eyebrows to his hairline and gave Bucky a bewildered look.

“What did you do?” he threatened. Steve gave a smirk and raised his hands, surrendering. He shrugged (which was really hard, given Bucky was still holding onto his collar), and slowly took Bucky’s hands off of him. Once they were completely off (and into his jacket’s pockets), Steve huffed.

“I did nothing, Buck. It was his decision, not mine.”

“Will you tell us where he is?” Sam asked, coming up from behind them. Steve simpered, looking Sam straight in the eye.

“No, I’d rather not.”

“I know you did something you little piece of-”

December 16, 1990 || New York City

The streets of New York City were bustling with people trying to do last-minute Christmas shopping, the shops illuminated with strings of Christmas lights. Although the rain dampened the mood (in more ways than one), the crowd hurried from store to store, trying to acquire the perfect gift for their friends and family, brightening the otherwise bleak scene.

The women, clad in their voguish outfits of pantsuits and tinted oval sunglasses, directed their tired husbands to different toy stores, presumably to buy a set of some knick knacks and trinkets for their children. The little boys and girls dragged their mothers and fathers to various windows, pointing at the numerous playthings propped up in the front.

The teenagers, dressed in baggy sweatpants and flannel jackets and too many chains to look good, looked bored as hell, and were smoking in some neglected corner in the adjacent alleyway. They laughed, sending puffs of smoke billowing into the atmosphere, seeming so carefree in that small moment.

Muffled conversations could be heard throughout the streets, though no one was paying much attention to the stifled voices, choosing to focus on the more fortunate aspects of life. A man, speaking into his phone in hushed whispers, hugged his briefcase tight to his chest and sent out panicked glances if anyone came in close proximity to him. A woman, an unlit cigar hanging from her mouth, clutched her handbag, a small purse dog whining in it, and grinned at any unsuspecting young man that came near her. A young couple, looking like they were physically connected to each other, walked along the jam-packed street, sneaking in kisses as if they weren’t allowed to be seen in public with one another. There were, in total, at least a few hundred people in that small street, all trying to get away from the stress of day-to-day life.

Although it was a lighthearted scene down on the streets below the towering skyscrapers, the rain poured down onto the throng of people, the immense clouds covering the full moon, giving the place an eerie aura.

In an alleyway off to the side of the square, Peter dazedly woke up, scratching his eyes, just recovering from the gripping experience of time traveling. He had returned the infinity stones to their particular places and time periods. The soul stone to Vormir in 2014, the Tesseract to that old SHIELD laboratory in 1970, the time stone to the Sanctum and the Ancient One in 2012, the power stone to Morag, the Aether to Asgard in 2013, and the mind stone to the oblivious Hydra agents at the Avengers Tower in 2012. So, as you can see, it had been a really long day for Peter.

He groaned and raised his hands, only to find them covered in dirt and some wet, slimy substance he couldn’t remember the name of. It wasn’t just his hands; the whole alleyway was covered in this substance.

“Ew,” he groaned, making sure not to be loud, so that the horde of people wouldn’t see him. That would cause multiple complications in Peter’s plan, probably resulting in him being sent to an orphanage because they couldn’t find his parents. It could also be more drastic and he could end up in some government facility because his name wasn’t on any of their rosters. He might also have been classified as an alien, and that would definitely thwart his mission.

The pitter patter of the rain woke Peter up from his delusional fantasy, and, putting his palms on the damp, muddy ground, he stood up. Tip toeing out of the alley, he surveyed his surroundings in order to make sure no one was watching him, and wandered out onto the street. People shouldered their way through the crowd, always looking behind their back to see if someone was following them. Peter did the same, though for different reasons than them.

He walked along the street for a while, getting whisked away by the crowd. There wasn't really a place to go for him right now, so he just wandered around, window shopping (though he had absolutely no money), trying not to think about the past Christmas he spent with Tony, eating food until they threw up, and opening the presents they gifted each other, Rhodey, Pepper, and Aunt May.

There were a lot of… characters on the road. Some of them smiled at him very creepily, staring at him as though he were something enjoyable to eat for supper, and others were confused as to why a child, dressed up in a weird suit without his parents, was solemnly walking along the boulevard - Halloween had passed two months ago, and it was now Christmastime. One couple was kind enough (or evil enough) to hand him a Hershey’s chocolate bar. Not those bite-sized little ones that Peter used to get from Delmar’s or that one grocery shop in Queens. This one was king-sized. It could’ve lasted Peter at least a month if he were back in Queens in his apartment.

A sense of dread overtook him. The mission. He couldn’t fail it. No, he had to prove to himself that he was ready.

But what if he wasn’t?

He pushed his way through the mob of people. They stared back at him, eyes wide in shock. He didn’t care. He sprinted all the way across the road to the other side of it, shoving away the people who got in the way. He reached the empty wall, feeling the bile rise in his throat.

He puked onto the wall. The people moved away from him. His heart pounded in his chest. Blood throbbed in his ear. Holding onto the wall, he sobbed. The world seemed to turn fuzzy, and everything he saw was distorted, as if he were in a VR game that was malfunctioning. The wall in front of him turned wobbly. Instead of a straight wall, it was now a curved structure. The ground underneath him seemed to give out. He was falling. He was falling to his death. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t call for help. No one wanted to help him. Another round of bile seemed to erupt from him, and he puked even more of his lunch onto the wall. The world was ending. The world was ending, and he couldn’t do anything about it.

He couldn’t save people from dusting. It was his responsibility to save them. People were counting on him, and he let them all down. He let Mary and Richard down. He let Ben down. He let Aunt May down. He let Mr. Stark down.

He could hear people in the distance, calling for help. He also heard an indistinct sound of laughter. A familiar sound. This sound, unlike the multiple other people screaming, he knew. He knew this sound.

“Mr Stark?” he mumbled from force of habit, pausing to throw up for the third time. All the sound ceased. The tears didn’t, though. They continued flowing in wet, fiery streaks down his cheeks. He could see the crowd make a partition, though his vision was seriously warped. A teenager, probably around his age, walked through the space. He could hear the crowd whispering and pointing at him, although the other man paid no attention. He had to squint his eyes to see him, choking back a sob. He couldn't embarrass himself more than he already did. He cried violently, and the man crouched down and cocked his head to the side. Almost, but not quite, as if he was observing him. As if he was some experiment in a glass cage.

He sobbed harder, and he retched, wishing something would come out so the man would move away from him. The man just tilted his head to the other side and squinted his eyes. He looked at all the other people and shooed them away, and they obliged. Peter and the man were left in solitude, a small sort of bubble forming around them, giving them some peace and quiet.

“How do you know me?” he asked in a low, menacing voice that made Peter cry even more.

“I don’t know!” he bawled. “I’m sorry!”

The man picked Peter up by the arm and looked him straight in the eye. He couldn’t see well through the tears in his eyes, but the man looked truly scary. He heard some shouts in the background, cheering the man on. He grunted and threw Peter onto the ground, walking away to his group of friends.

Peter tried to pull himself up, but, through his severe panting and sobbing, he could not sit upright. He then resorted to lying on the murky ground (on which there were some questionable substances). Gasping for air, Peter tried to calm down.

Key word: tried.

The tears never stopped flowing. The memories didn’t, either.

Memories of Mary and Richard. Of how his last words to them were, “I hate you!”’ before they boarded that damn plane.

Memories of Ben. Of how he died in his arms, bleeding out from the gunshot wound, while he couldn’t do anything to save him.

Memories of how he left Mr. Stark for five years. Five freaking years. And, just as he came back from the dead, Mr. Stark had to go and sacrifice himself for the universe.

Lying there, on the ground, the crowd walking around him to avoid stepping on the child, he fell into a deep sleep, unbothered by the disgusted looks thrown at him by the supposedly “posh” people of New York City.

[enviedear]

that damn american ᵒⁿᵉ

do you respect yourself?

DESCRIPTION ⌙ in which y/n l/n meets draco malfoy on the first night of the transfer. she decides she doesn’t enjoy him much after he asks her if she respects herself.

PAIRING ⌙ draco x fem!reader

WORD COUNT ⌙ 2k

*:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

chapter one | chapter two | chapter three | chapter four

aaaa okay first chapter i’m so excited lets just jump right in :) you should note this a modern au without voldemort.

your first thought as you exited the hogwarts express was ‘holy shit, i’m literally a sea away from my mom right now’. 

you genuinely couldn’t believe that, one, she agreed this and two, that you were here.

well, of course she agreed. so long as your brother, quinn came as well. that took a lot of convincing since he’s dead set on becoming a professional quadpot player. after the school confirmed that quadpot matches would also be held at hogwarts, he had no choice.

“i really gotta learn how to pack. this backpack is heavier than me, i’m killing my shoulders right now, y’all.” april fusses, thick southern accent dripping off her words.

“jesus christ, i can hear you complaining over my music. i didn’t sign up for conan gray featuring april everson.” sophie snides, turning the volume up.

april gives her an annoyed look and begins walking toward the carriages, you and sophie trailing after the tall girl.

“ah, are you the transfer students?” a scottish voice asks.

you look to your side and spot an older woman.

“yeah, well, some of them. i think the rest are still on the train getting their stuff.” you respond, thinking of your brother and the other remaining fifty something students.

“in that case, the three of you can go ahead and get into a carriage. but when you get to the castle, wait in the lobby please. i’ll be with you shortly.”

the three of you nod and hop onto an awaiting carriage.

“they’ve really got the whole ‘old wizarding school’ vibe down pat.” sophie says, staring at large castle.

“for real. ilvermorny seems so modern compared to this place.” you add.

“well girls, i think we should go in instead of waiting out here. i wanna see more!” april shouts, throwing her hands up at the castle and sprinting inside.

“last one in is a pukwudgie!” sophie laughs, running inside.

you roll your eyes and walk in, “sophie you are a pukwudgie.” 

the ginger shrugs, “whatever. i didn’t come up with the phrase. but check out this decor.”

you look around the castle lobby and see the numerous amounts of stone statues and portraits of old wizards. it’s vastly different from ilvermorny. your school decorates its lobby and school with art from the students, quadpot trophies, famous wands, and banners of the graduated students. it’s much more, lived in.

“i like it but it’s kinda remindin’ me of narnia,” april smirks, “wonder if i’ll meet my very own peter pevensie.”

“i’d much rather meet my very own plate of dinner. even though dad said british people can’t cook.” sophie says.

“what if they don’t have pie! as the president of the ilvermorny pie fan club, i will cause a scene if i don’t get pie.” april jokes.

“april they eat beans on toast here. i think you’re going to have to ask your mom to send you pie.” you giggle. 

the woman from earlier walks in, your fellow ilvermorny students following behind.

“ah, we’re all here,” she says, walking to the staircase in front of you. “my name is professor mcgonagall, head of gryffindor house. now, you’re all going to be sorted. the first years have just finished. and i must remind you that where ever you are sorted, you will remain. the point of this program is to have you meet new young wizards and learn about hogwarts. i understand that you had more leeway at ilvermorny choosing houses, but the sorting hat never makes a mistake. now, follow me.” 

sophie whispers to you, “i heard that the house rivalries here are enemy like.”

at ilvermorny the only real rivalry is between your house, wampus, and april’s, thuderbird. but it’s more of a sibling rivalry, no actual bad blood.

you quite enjoyed the competitiveness of your house, which you shared with your brother. the both of you loved sport, just in two different ways. he was his best out playing quadpot while you enjoyed cheering him on with the wampus cheer team. 

entering the dining hall is a wild experience. the hogwarts students are looking at all of you with a mix of impressed and curious faces. when you all reach the end of the hall mcgonagall lifts a hat from a stool and calls out a name, “taylor allen.”

you watch the horned serpent get sorted straight into ravenclaw and clap along with everyone else. the names continue on until april is called.

she smiles up on the stool and awaits the sorting hat’s decision. after a full minute the hat shouts, “SLYTHERIN!”

april looks surprised but her smile doesn’t fade as she sits down at the slytherin table.

next is your brother who seems to be basking in female attention more than the experience of the new school. you can’t blame him though, he seems to gain fans where ever he goes.

the hat barely touches his head before again, shouting, “SLYTHERIN!”

you furrow your eyebrows at this. you didn’t expect the both of them to end up in the same house, and it leaves you worried that you might be left in a house all alone. 

after more names are called, most of them going into hufflepuff or gryffindor, you hear your name.

“y/n l/n.” mcgonagall says.

you make your way to the stool, ready to hear what the hat has to say. the moment it touches your head it begins speaking, scaring you only slightly. 

‘ah, competitive like your brother and a will to succeed like your friend. you could do good in hufflepuff, you’re loyal to your core. or maybe gryffindor with that daring attitude. you’re just too complicated for that though. i know, better be, “SLYTHERIN!”

there is no way. 

you slowly walk to april and quinn, who look equally as suprised.

“now, y/n, i know we’re friends but i don’t think we’re too much alike to be getting sorted into the same house,” she looks at quinn. “you said they based this off your personality, didn’t ya?”

your brother scratches his neck, “well yeah, that’s what i thought.”

“well whatever, at least we get to be together!” you smile.

“yeah but what about sophie? it would be a bummer if she doesn’t-” april is interrupted by mcgonagall calling, “sophie yates.”

you give april a worried look and she returns it. 

sophie however looks utterly content with the tattered hat upon her ginger head. she’s got an amused smirk on her face, and throws the both of you a wink.

“SLYTHERIN!” the hat bellows.  

sophie rushes toward the table and sits beside quinn who has a bemused look on his face.

“how in the world did we get so lucky?” you laugh, grinning at your friends.

quinn sighs, “how in the world did i get so unlucky. i’ve got three snitches around me at all times now. it was bad enough being in wampus with just y/n.”

april rolls her eyes, “quinn no one is going to snitch on you. unless you pull another stunt like you did in fourth year.”

“i’ve told you like ten times! i didn’t mean to give you the damn puking potion.” he groans.

“you shouldn’t have been trying to give it to anyone. you’re lucky i only told mom. if headmistress wilma would have found out you would’ve been straight off the quadpot team.” you point.

your conversation is interrupted by a deep voice. in the front of the room behind a podium, stands an absolutely ancient man. headmaster dumbledore.

“i’m so happy to welcome our first years and our ilvermorny exchange students. i know you’ve all been waiting to eat so i’ll make this short. this is the beginning of a new school year, and i can’t wait to see what it has in store. now,” the man raises his arms, “let us eat.”

__

dinner was good. but nothing like an ilvermorny dinner. there were no burgers, quesadillas, pie, or salmon. you were going to miss all the diverse food back home, but the slytherin common room sure made up for any complaints.

the room was dark and brooding, but it somewhat reminded you of the wampus common room. instead of the windows showing a jungle, the habitat of the wampus cat, the slytherin common room is underwater.

“dude this is baller.” quinn say to his friend and fellow teammate, sebastian.

sebastian grins, “i can’t wait to take pictures down here. i bet i could make a dope album cover.”

sophie laughs, “yeah so long as you actually finish a song.”

the boy makes a face at her before walking toward the boys’ dorm with quinn.

“having them both here is going to kill me.” you say, eyes narrowed as you watch them walk up the stairs.

“oh who cares! whatever trouble they make is on them. enjoy your year y/n.” sophie says, sitting down on the green couch.

you nod and take a seat on the rug, facing her and april. by now, it’s only the three of you in the common room, everyone else flooding to the dorms.

“speaking of enjoying things, i made us all a new playlist on the train ride.” sophie smiles, pulling out her phone.

“if you put any weird shit on it like you did the last one i’m going to kill ya. there was no reason to add ‘i beat my dick today’ to a playlist with lorde on it. it was disgraceful.” april teases

you laugh and grab the phone out of sophie’s hand. you look at the playlist titled, ‘the time they went to hogwarts’, and notice it has only one song on it.

“there’s only one song soph.” you state, confused.

“exactly,” she says snatching the phone back. “we’re going to add the rest over the course of the year. i want it to tell a story.” 

“what’s the first song?” april questions.

“doin’ time by lana. because it’s still summer, we have to represent ilvermorny, and the song hits.” sophie says, drawing out the last word.

“well, go ahead and play it. we might as well break in the new common room with april’s shit dancing.” you joke, sticking your to tongue out at her.

she flips you off as sophie starts the song.

the three of you dance around the common room and sing off key, aside from sophie, who has had plenty of practice in the thunderbird choir.

you’re leaning on a desk, ‘seductively’ swaying your ass against april as sophie records the two of you, when you hear a throat being cleared.

april and you spin around, making eye contact with a tall platinum blond. 

“what in merlin’s name are you doing?” the boy sneers.

you chuckle, “dancing. why? do british people not dance?”

“of course we dance. but usually we respect ourselves while doing so,” he looks at sophie who’s still recording. “and what is that? how did you get music to come out of it?”

april’s eye bulge, “you mean the phone. honey, i knew y’all weren’t a fan of muggles but you have to be lying about not knowing what a phone is.”

the boy still looks both confused and irritated.

“and what was that little comment about respecting yourselves? are you trying to suggest something?” you say, eyes cold.

“i’m merely asking if you respect yourself. i’ve never met a decent woman who dances like that.” he snides.

“you’re a dick.” you say, simply.

“and you seem to be a bint.” he huffs,

you furrow your brows, “what the fuck is a bint?”

sophie calls from behind her phone, “i’m guessing whore from context clues.”

the boy smirks and grabs a book from the coffee table, “i’m draco. draco malfoy, and if you’d like to not be called a bint i suggest you refrain from grinding against other people in a public area.”

“well, draco malfoy, you’re a little fuck and i could care less what you call me. suck my dick.” you smile sarcastically.

you hear sophie mutter a faint, ‘worldstar’, which causes april to break out in a fit of laughter.

the boy makes one last disgusted look at the three of you before walking up the stairs.

you turn to your friends, beaming, “looks like we’ve already made a friend.”

[hljournal]

Today’s author is suspendrs / @suspendrs​ ! Don’t forget to give the fics kudos and leave a comment! 

to the cloud and the cold (2k)

Or, Louis is a Summer Fairy, Harry is an Autumn Fairy, and the autumn equinox is the best day of the year.

fearless (97k)

“You’re my best friend, Louis,” Harry says, barely above a whisper. Even if he was yelling, Louis wouldn’t be able to believe his ears. “And I know it’s been a while, but you’re still the person I consider my best friend,” Harry says.

Louis blinks, and then blinks again. “I honestly cannot say the same, Harry,” he says.

Or, Harry left home without a word after high school, and a lot can change in ten years.

just a little dance (1k)

“Keep your head up, love,” he says, pulling away and grabbing Harry’s hands. “Dance with me.”

“I don’t want to dance,” Harry pouts, but he lets Louis pull him into the center of the dark kitchen, anyway.

“Just a little dance,” Louis says, tugging Harry’s hands until he’s flush against his front.

Or, a tiny drabble based on the cutest lyric from perfect now

ferricadooza! (65k)

Harry can’t even fathom the idea of surrendering; he’d fight ‘til he died, if he had to, anything to keep from surrendering.

Or, the year is 1963, homosexuality is illegal in the UK, Louis owns a gay bar, and Harry’s an underground boxing champion with an unfortunate enemy.

at last, at last (41k)

“Come with us,” Tommo says, stopping at the other end of the gymnasium, near the doors. “Don’t let them make you suffer any longer. Come with us, and be human.”

Before Harry has even finished thinking it through, he’s on his feet, gaining the attention of every single person in the gymnasium. What has he got to lose, anyway?

Or, Harry is born into a cult in a post-apocalyptic world, and Louis is the leader of the rebel group tasked with the mission of shutting them down. Together, they make a rather effective team.

the act of making noise (32k)

“Oh,” Harry frowns, waving him off. “No, I could never. I respect myself too much to sing for a living.”

It feels like a slap across the face, but Louis does his best not to stiffen, blinking once and then frowning. “What?”

“Those people are always so miserable, you know?” Harry says, hopping down off his stool and straightening his sweater. “There’s so much pressure on them, and they have to work so hard to keep up appearances, I can’t even imagine how difficult that is. I can’t even stand to listen to pop music today, let alone watch TV or read the magazines. It makes me so sad, thinking that those people, you know, the ones who actually went into it with heart, they only ever just wanted to make music and instead they got turned into things on leashes being paraded around to make money for other people,” he says. “Anyway, you can have the stool.”

Or, Louis's famous, Harry has no idea who he is, and they get snowed in together at a ski lodge in Vermont.

walls (20k)

The thing about having been on the move so much for the past five years is that now, once they’re finally able to sit down and rest for a bit, they don’t really know what to do with themselves. Louis loved the pace of the band, for all he and the others complained about it; he isn’t very fond of sitting still, and he absolutely loathes boredom, and there was very little space in their lives for either of those things while they were so busy putting out an album every year and touring more often than not. Being in the same room as Harry while neither of them are under the pressure of keeping up appearances feels like being in a room with a total stranger, and the amount of trouble they’re having trying to get to know each other again is really rather alarming.

Or, a love one whole decade in the making, inspired by Louis's debut album.

fine line (22k)

There’s still a lot of things they don’t talk about, a lot of things they don’t bring home with them at the end of the day, and a lot of things that don’t even need to be said. The world is the world and it sucks sometimes, but it’s far away when Harry’s at home and Louis’s here with him and none of it needs to matter when it could just as easily be ignored. Harry tries to open up sometimes, tries to bring Louis into his world, but Louis’s got a world of his own to tend to, and it feels like more often than not they are on two separate planets and the universe just keeps expanding.

Or, a love three more years in the making, inspired by Harry’s sophomore album.

out for a duck (2k)

“Well, once I got control of Clifford, I took him right back to the house and changed my clothes and gave him one hell of a dressing down, let me tell you,” he scoffs. “And then I felt so bad I went back out to see if the duck had gone back to her eggs, and that Clifford hadn’t damaged them or hurt the duck at all. She wasn’t there when I got back, and I sat there for hours waiting for her, but she never showed her face! She just up and abandoned her babies, just left them there cold and alone, all because a dog barked at her,” he sighs, shaking his head.

“Still not sure why the eggs are now in my kitchen,” Louis frowns.

“I couldn’t just leave them there!” Harry says. “It was my fault they were abandoned! Well, Clifford’s fault, but whatever. I couldn’t live with myself if I just left them there to die. So I came back to the house and got a bowl and some gloves and scooped them up so I could bring them home and keep them warm until they hatch.”

Or, Harry accidentally adopts two duck eggs.

what’s inside your imagination (is as real as anything else) (3k)

“Hey!” Niall shouts suddenly, scaring Harry nearly out of his hat. “We like your costume!”

The ghost turns to glance at Niall, producing a hand from under the sheet and giving him a thumbs up. Harry can’t help but laugh a little more, the casual gesture adding to the entire vibe of the sunglasses-wearing ghost.

The ghost looks at them for a moment longer before turning and disappearing into the crowd again, and Harry sighs. “I love Halloween,” he says thoughtfully.

Or, Harry's a witch who likes to pretend he's a human pretending he's a witch, and Louis's the human in a not-so-clever costume that keeps catching his eye.

satellite (100k)

“It’s been three years since I’ve had a proper hot meal,” Louis says finally. “I have no idea where my family is, or if any of them are even still alive. The only reason I’ve been able to keep myself alive for as long as I have is because I keep to myself, stay guarded, stay hidden. It’s the only way I know how to live,” he says.

Harry wants to cry, but he tries to put on a brave face when Louis finally meets his eyes. “You’re safe here. You don’t have to be so guarded around me,” Harry says quietly, earnestly.

“That’s very sweet of you,” Louis says, putting his fork down. “But yes I do. Especially around you.”

Or, Harry finds out that someone's been living in his house without him knowing, but instead of kicking him out, he falls in love with him.

sugar in a plum (4k)

“I’m your dad,” Harry says softly, extending his hand to Plum for her to have a sniff. Plum considers for a moment, looks up at Louis, and then bites Harry’s finger.

“Ow!” Harry shrieks, pulling his hand away quickly. He’s not bleeding, but Plum’s teeth are incredibly sharp, he feels like he’s been stabbed with ten tiny needles. “Jesus, Lou, I thought we were getting a cat, not a demon.”

Or, Harry's new kitten is out to ruin his life.

there are no atheists in foxholes (64k)

“Do you think we’ll ever see it again?” Harry asks after a minute. “London?”

Louis blinks, looking down. They very well could spend the rest of their lives on this island, and they’re both very aware of that. Everyone probably already thinks they’re dead, anyway. Their flats are going to be sold, and their families are going to have funerals, and life is going to go on without them. Even if they do get rescued, it’s already been days. The news of the shipwreck has definitely reached London by now. They don’t know if there’s been any effort to look for survivors, but they also don’t know how far away from the wreck they are, or how far people are going to go to look for them, or if anyone even knows that this island is here and, like, it’s very possible that they’ve already looked and stopped looking for survivors, and no one knows they’re out here-

“I don’t know,” Louis says, before he can start spiraling. “I hope so, but I don’t know.”

Or, the sea takes everything from Louis, but it gives him back more than he ever could’ve asked for.

it ain’t right, but isn’t it amazing (7k)

It’s all Niall’s fault, as most things are. Niall’s the one that made the bloody Tinder account in the first place, and the one that added every decent looking photo of Louis he could find on his phone, and the one that swiped right on the first fifteen guys that popped up. Yeah, Louis might have done the rest of the work that landed him here, in the men’s toilets of a Japanese restaurant in west London with vomit dripping down his chin and down the very, very attractive chest of the very, very attractive man in front of him, but Niall started it.

Or, Harry takes Louis for sushi on the first date. It doesn't go well.

keep this love in a photograph (48k)

“I could never forget a damn thing about you, Harry Styles, not even if I wanted to,” Louis says. His hair falls into his face when he glances over at Harry, the moonlight reflecting off of it and making it glow golden, like maybe Louis himself is the sun.

Harry thinks of how dark and cold his life got once Louis went away, how Harry got a taste of the sweetest sunshine imaginable and then was plunged into the longest winter of his life. He feels like he’s been buried under mounds of snow for months, years, and he’s finally made it to spring, finally getting another taste of how wonderful life can be.

Or, it’s 1919, and Harry’s been falling in love with his best friend for his entire life.

thrills don’t come for free (4k)

The night before comes back to him slowly, puking in the toilet at the club and then falling asleep in his car in the parking lot. He closes his eyes again for a moment until he realizes that the car is on and moving, and someone is driving it that isn’t him.

He picks his head up and peers between the seats, catching sight of a perfect stranger sitting behind the wheel, singing quietly and driving Louis’s car.

Or, Louis has a bit too much to drink and falls asleep in the backseat of Harry's car.

not even the gods above (25k)

The thing is, though, this isn’t good enough for Harry. Sure, he has the rest of his life to be a notable king, but he wants to be notable now. He wants to bring the two kingdoms together and he wants to do it early on, wants to be the one to facilitate the merge until it seems like the two kingdoms were one all along. He doesn’t want to wait, but everyone he’s turned to thinks waiting is the right choice, so he supposes he has to trust them.

That is, of course, until a declaration of war from the Kingdom of Tomlinson shows up at his palace.

somewhere far away from here (12k)

“Harry,” Louis says, squeezing his arm. “Do you know her?”

“My sister,” Harry mutters, eyes glued to the screen.

“What’s she saying?” Louis asks, voice quiet. “What does she want?”

“Me,” Harry murmurs, hardly a breath. “She knows I’m here.”

Or, Harry's sister comes to Earth to bring him home, but Harry's got a few things keeping him here.

i’ll take your pain (2k)

It’s kind of romantic when Harry thinks about it, feeling all the pain of the person he’s supposed to love for the rest of his life. Sure, it’s rather inconvenient when he’s in class and his soulmate gets kicked in the balls, or when he’s sleeping and his soulmate knocks his head or his knee off something. It’d be nice if the function helped them to find each other, but Harry supposes he can live with knowing that they’re destined to run into each other someday.

Or, soulmates have the ability to feel each other's pain, and Harry finds his after getting his arse waxed. (Or, the soulmate au crack fic I can't believe I actually wrote.)

the pink album (31k)

They don’t really discuss how hard it is to be in this situation, or to be doing the things they have to do to continue being together. It’s just something they don’t talk about, and that’s alright. Or maybe it isn’t, but they’ll cross that bridge when they get to it.

Or, a love seven years in the making, inspired by Harry's debut album.

i’ll make this feel like home (41k)

It’s nerdy, much nerdier than anything Harry would have engaged in back home. Perrie and Ed are singing some song from West Side Story and Stan is just giggling along, and it’s almost weird how weird Harry doesn’t find it. Liam and Niall would be running as fast as they could from this interaction, but somehow, Harry finds himself giggling along as well.

Maybe it’s because no one in this group seems like they should belong in this group, but Harry feels like he fits right in. He feels more himself than he has in weeks when Louis plops down beside him for a couple moments and throws out another title to add to their movie marathon. Even though he can’t contribute to the conversation about musicals and he has no idea whether The King and I or Oklahoma is more important, he never feels like an outsider.

Or, Harry is new to Plymouth and has had a rough start, but Louis won't rest until he makes it start to feel like home.

dirty laudry looks good on you (19k)

“So um, Niall mentioned you haven’t lived here long. What brings you to London?”

“What is this, an interview?” Louis smirks, stealing Harry’s drink and taking a sip. “Wanted a change of scenery. Dunno.”

Harry hums and takes his drink back, narrowing his eyes playfully at Louis as he takes a long sip. “Can I buy you a drink, or would you rather keep sharing mine?”

“You most certainly can buy me a drink,” Louis grins, grabbing the bottle back out of Harry’s hand, “but I’m still going to be stealing yours.”

Or, Harry is jaded and sad and resigned to be forever alone, until Niall sets him up with a friend of his whose broken pieces may just fit pretty well with Harry's.

we’ve got to get away from here (23k)

“It is my understanding that you are the most comprehensive member of this agency in the field of extraterrestrial life, is that right?” the agent asks. He’s trying to sound calm, but Louis can tell he’s shaken as well.

“Um, I guess so,” Louis says, glancing over at the man in the blanket again.

Suddenly, Louis’s blood runs cold. There’s something off about the man, something in his gaze, something Louis can’t put his finger on. It’s terribly unsettling, but excitement bubbles in his gut.

Or, Louis is an FBI agent who likes to think himself a paranormal expert, and Harry is the alien that somehow ended up in his office.

in midnights, in cups of coffee (15k)

“Sorry about the sugar,” Louis says, backing toward his own flat. “Bundle up before you go out.”

Harry smiles so sweetly then that Louis can’t imagine he’ll even need the sugar, if the muffins aren’t sweet enough just because they were made by him. “Thanks,” he says, eyes lingering a little longer on Louis before he lets himself back into Gemma’s apartment, and then Louis is just standing in the hallway by himself.

Or, Louis is overworked and cold, Harry is stressed out, and they might be in love.

come away with me (80k)

Or, Louis has to pick up the pieces of his and his daughter's life after his wife dies, and Harry is a beautiful stranger that just wants to help.

in the night (19k)

Or, the self-indulgent reversed pov and slight continuation of come away with me.

my song has not been sung (2k)

Or, Harry is watching a protest from the sidelines until a boy with a rainbow flag and a pretty smile drags him right into the middle of it.

i’ll be home for christmas (12k)

Or, Louis and Harry can’t decide where to go on Christmas.

autumn leaves (27k)

Or, Harry is an American soldier in France during World War II, and Louis is a French waiter that doesn't mean to fall in love with him.

we’ve got unfinished business (7k)

Or, there’s a ghost in Harry and Louis’s apartment that seemingly just wants them to date.

falling in love with you again (4k)

Or, three times in which Louis fell in love with Harry all over again.

heading for a small disaster (20k)

Or, Harry drives an Uber and Louis’s life is falling apart.

don’t stop to worry (4k)

It was just supposed to be a trim today, to skim off the dead ends of his hair. He had no idea it’d end the way it did.

Or, Harry cuts his hair. It's kind of a big deal.

diamonds, they fade (1k)

The cold does nothing tonight but remind Louis of the boy he left inside, the boy that’s curled up under the blankets by himself right now, the boy that’s probably going to come looking for him soon when he wakes up and Louis isn’t there.

Or, Louis has insomnia.

maps can be poems when you’re on your own (19k)

Or, Harry falls in love with the guy his best friend is fooling around with.

we could be enough (4k)

Or, Harry runs an anonymous crush confession column in the school newspaper and Louis has quite the crush to write in about.

no place to call home (22k)

Or, Louis isn't Peter Pan and Harry isn't Wendy and Neverland is nothing like Harry thought it would be, but it's perfect anyway.

show a little mercy (3k)

Louis hates him so, so much. But then again, he’s never loved someone quite so fiercely.

Or, Louis and Harry try to break up. (Or, a drabble based on Love You Goodbye)

kiss me on the mouth and set me free (17k)

Or, Louis is a gamer and Harry is a beauty guru, and VidCon is a good place to fall in love.

sing me like a choir (17k)

Or, Harry is nervous to do actual makeup on his channel, until his boyfriend Louis helps him out.

please don’t bite (21k)

Or, Harry releases his own line of beauty products, and Louis feels abandoned when Harry’s newfound fame gets the best of him.

underneath the christmas tree (17k)

Louis sends Harry on a scavenger hunt on Christmas Eve.

to be loved and to be in love (50k)

Harry and Louis' first year as a couple, as captured by snippets of home movies.

hope your heart is strong enough (4k)

Prompt: Set in the US, Harry spends Thanksgiving with Louis' family, or vice versa. Chaos ensues.

to watch you fall (16k)

Or, Harry is lonely and Louis is engaged to be married.

give me your hand and i’ll hold it (18k)

Prompt: Harry (9) moves in next to Louis (11). They have little roofs under their bedroom windows and like to sit there and talk. Seven years later, Louis has to leave for college.

you make me strong (14k)

Louis comes home from war with a few more problems than he left with, but Harry can't find it in himself to let him go.

[sagamemes]

goodnight moon   —   valley girl, part one.   every single line out of this character’s mouth is golden. here and below the cut, you can find 83 lines of dialogue from the first three videos of the series—i can not emphasis how much the content of these lines vary despite the title. edited for roleplay purposes, feel free to change around whatever you feel the need to to make it fit your muse better.  tw:  implications and imagery of violence, clown mentions, some gore and unsanitary mentions, abuse mentions / implications.

❝  don't be embarrassed!  i love girls who love to have fun.  ❞

❝  nothing spookier than rotting flesh, am i right?  ❞

❝  this dress goes about to right before the knee, is that cool?  ❞

❝  feel free to get up to any more shenanigans you want at the party tonight. fireworks, bees, wherever the night takes you.  ❞

❝  your face is so pale.  ❞

❝  blood all over you scales, bones shards in your teeth—that's tacky. pearls?  high class.  ❞

❝  got any fireworks?  ❞

❝  i would never get between a girl and her snacks.  ❞

❝  maybe i've seen you on instagram or something.  ❞

❝  it's honestly a little spicy when you never know if and when that someone special is gonna steal from you. always a fun little surprise. like, ooh, what's it gonna be this time?  ❞

❝  i have missed seeing your pretty little face here.  ❞

❝  and you have how many teeth left?  like four?  ❞

❝  you seem—really cool. i'm loving your energy.  ❞

❝  i do get pretty passionate when it comes to [food].  ❞

❝  there's something... seductive about scurvy, you know?  ❞

❝  oh, who's he?  ❞

❝  i need to reconsider my look.  ❞

❝  i know it sounds like an impossible challenge to make pennywise any sexier than he already is, but i can try.  ❞

❝  [that girl has/you've] done far too much for me, for me to refuse [her/you] a single thing.  ❞

❝  it'll be so cute, i promise.  ❞

❝  they are definitely clones. sexy clones, but still clones, you know.  ❞

❝  i thought tonight would be a good time to step a little out of your comfort zone.  ❞

❝  pirates are so hot right now. well, they've been hot since, like, the 1700s but they have continued to be hot from /then/ to /now/.  ❞

❝  i know what i'm talking about:  as you can see, i look super hot, right?  ❞

❝  i can help you with that. you know, i just like to see a girl look her best.  ❞

❝  so is it alright if i come up close and personal, touch your face?  ❞

❝  oh, there's a chocolate fountain?  ❞

❝  not to like, pressure you or anything, but you have to go with this one.  ❞

❝  works every time. well, three out of ten times, which is like, almost most of the time.  ❞

❝  it's gonna be cold tonight.  ❞

❝  that's good, it's good to be thorough and like, get a little taste of everything.  ❞

❝  where's the burrito from?  ❞

❝  you're not into the whole  ' titties out '  kind of look for you?  ❞

❝  if you would just—part your lips ever so slightly and like, pout them a little bit?  like they got your order wrong at starbucks?  ❞

❝  wherever the night takes you, it's cool with me.  ❞

❝  my ex stole from me all the time.  ❞

❝  i mean i won't be able to open the jar either, but i'll totally be here for like, emotional support.  ❞

❝  these are not very comfortable, but... very cute. the sacrifice is worth it i think.  ❞

❝  my job is just to make you as happy and comfortable as possible.  ❞

❝  you look /so/ terrifying. and also super cute.  ❞

❝  those, you know, needlepoint heels make me wanna die.  ❞

❝  i think you're gonna represent my brand perfectly.  ❞

❝  i selected for you a myriad—... is that a word? ...yeah, totally, a /myriad/ of things for you to try.  ❞

❝  that's gonna make me look like such a baddie standing next to you.  ❞

❝  you can't be glowing more than me, darling.  ❞

❝  this sweater's got a vibe like,  ' i'm so grungy that i totally live in a trash can '  but also  ' i'm so soft and fuzzy, oh my god, hold me. '  ❞

❝  i like to call this chunky boy my dragon puke necklace.  ❞

❝  can you and me be brow twinsies and both do the bitch brow every day?  ❞

❝  do you have any tattoos?  i thought so.  ❞

❝  you look like you've been dead for three days. gorgeous.  ❞

❝  sometimes i see her at pilates and i'm like,  ' wow, that scrumptious smoothie came at the small price of my heart. but glad you're enjoying the strawberry-banana swirl, britney. '  ❞

❝  do you have any shenanigans planned?  ❞

❝  murders and assassinations i would be all down for, are you kidding?  ❞

❝  you, my dear, are all set.  ❞

❝  no explosives?  oh my god, why are you even going.  ❞

❝  wait, dragons don't eat their treasures, do they?  they just sit on it and sleep.  ❞

❝  have we met before?  you look so familiar it's tripping me out a little bit.  ❞

❝  we're gonna go with the flow.  ❞

❝  you oftentimes tend to prefer the sort of dainty, subdued style, but what if tonight we went a little more avant-garde?  ❞

❝  you can fiddle with it, as a form of absent-minded entertainment, if some business-major won't stop rambling at you about mergers and acquisitions.  ❞

❝  you seemed like, a little bit weirded out last time.  ❞

❝  i've been living and dying for this eyeshadow palette lately.  ❞

❝  let me take a moment, or two, or three... to—reacquaint myself with your lovely appearance.  ❞

❝  or do you need assistance?  because if there's anything i'm good at, it's /assistance/.  ❞

❝  you're my last appointment of the day, i'm happy to take as much time as you need.  ❞

❝  i'll give you a little tip:  when you're having a chat with someone cute, you can just, casually brush a glittery clutch against them and when they get home, the glitter transfers all over their stuff—on their sheets, their clothes, their face, their dog—they'll notice it constantly, and due to the subconscious association with you and the glitter... they won't be able to stop thinking about you. they'll think that you're soulmates when really, you just gave them glitter herpes.  ❞

❝  totally thought i was over that, sorry.  ❞

❝  i think the red would suit you /perfectly./  ❞

❝  [this/i] will keep you nice and warm and like, ward off any dudes you don't wanna deal with.  ❞

❝  i hope your blender sucks and you choke on a chunk of unpulverised peanut butter.  ❞

❝  live for it, obsessed, would wear _____ like that every day if it weren't for the fact that it would make men pee their pants everywhere i go.  ❞

❝  i know i can be a lot.  ❞

❝  doesn't she have like seven cats?  and they're all named after types of metamorphic rock. she's the best.  ❞

❝  if you wanna go for that  ' ugly christmas sweater '  vibe, like  ' i'm so hot that i can wear whatever i want and you all can suck it ', these are perfect.  ❞

❝  it would make men pee their pants everywhere i go. ...now that i think about it, that's actually a perk.  ❞

❝  i would love to hear all about the party you're going to, tell me all about it.  ❞

❝  it was always kinda sexy, mysterious.  ❞

❝  would never do that to you, ever, no way, wouldn't dream of it.  ❞

❝  [you are/it is] a clean slate, ready for clownery.  ❞

❝  i saw you launch a firework through his kitchen ceiling.  ❞

❝  it's a little cliché but clichés are cliché for a reason.  ❞

❝  let's cuddle on the dumpster.  ❞

❝  you mean to tell me you haven't even /seen/ a vegetable since, last summer?  ❞

[deanirae]

Can you get it inside your head I’m tired of dancing?  

post 8.07 pre 8.08] crack/angst past turned unrequited deancas, implied deanbenny 2,4k [x]

The sun, also currently known as bitch, has got some serious nerve to sit where it always does, not upside down and nine miles to the left as it frankly should on this memorable fuckhat day. Where is the End of Days when it's really called for? When it should be really nigh?

Dean flips the front mirror panel down not to have to deal with at least that one disappointment. He can still see Cas's half-constipated, half-abandoned and kicked in its fluffy ass puppy face in the mercilessly annoying reflection. The obvious choice would be to not grace it with anything right now, but A – he's the one driving so his eyes can't wander off pretty far, especially in the barely sunlit grayness – and B – on his left, Sam is currently roleplaying a twelve year old girl that has her big emotional introspection accompanied by listening to Sarah McLahlan because her mean parents wouldn't let her buy ebola from the internet. Or something.

Point is, he's three hours into ostentatiously moping, trying to quietly terrorize Dean into making peace with Cas on the fly so it won't be awkward and problematique for him anymore. To Sam, Dean is just too inconvenient anytime he's inconvenient. And that, by order of nature herself, demands immediate and final stopping and ballot recounting also.

And Dean's point is, that it's not gonna happen anytime soon.

And Cas's point – assuming he’s still remotely capable of making those –  seems to be dead-set on that 50:50 face thing. And Dean regrets briefly glancing; with more or less the same intensity he regrets his whole life on the crap weather days his bones hurt harder than it should be legal.

Sam, in his hemhorroidal disturbance, reaches out to the tape deck and attempts to put anything on, but Dean feels like exactly zero of his tapes right now, so he swats Sam's hand off with a loud smack. Judging from the faces he gets for that, it's gotta be resonating in their heads a lot.

It's gonna be a long ride to Lousiana, way longer and more exhausting than the freshly puked from Purgatory one. In fact, the closer they get to Lafayette, the more tired he is and they won't start working the vetalas case until tomorrow night because apparently hanging around clubs on fridays is the new hanging downside of trees or whatever cool thing it was vetalas were doing before the rise of the all you can eat buffet of horny dicks certain they're gonna get reverse cowgirls for a two dollar drink. Or reverse cowboys. Fucking cheapskates. Some of them do have it coming. But in severe STDs, not in this.

In itself, waiting for the actual hunt really doesn't need to be a problem. It's just that Sam and Cas are fucked-bent on having it be one because—

“I said I'm going to stay with you and join you on hunts,” Cas finally snaps. „There's no need for this 'backup' as you call it, Dean.”

—Because that.

“Don't air quote it, man,” Dean mutters wearily, because of course Cas air quoted it.

“And there is absolutely no need for you to sleep in a vampire's camping truck when we have plenty of motels to pick from,” Cas rants on, zero deterred and plus ten determined, clearly not tuning into Dean's I don't wanna discuss that vibe.

Annnd because that too, yeah.

“Well I donno, I sure didn't want us to look like some sort of a hookup site for salvation army fashionistas threesome. You'll thank me later. Or you can do it now and shut up when you're done, how's that.”

“A vampire,” Sam interrupts his polished bitchface just to whine it out, which has to be peak brotherly care by his modern standards.

“You two asshats had no problem leaving me in vamp-vegas for a goddamn year,” Dean growls. “I am an adult adult and I need some me-time that isn't you time. And I'm gonna have awesome time while I'm at it. Sue me if that's a crime. Bother my lawyer.”

“You don’t have a lawyer”, says Sam.

“Aren’t you kind of a lawyer?” Dean remembers suddenly. “Or at least close enough for you two to bother each other and not me?”

“No, didn’t get to get there yet, thanks to you,” Sam mutters, also suddenly remembering the past life of his that was never meant to be.

“Oh, I’m sorry”, Dean whines. “Did I set your girlfriend on fire?”

“Fuck off.”

“I thought you missed me,” as if triggered by the word fuck, Cas drops the bomb with an evenness in his voice which hints at many things but Dean's brain is too stop-record screech to dissect them right now.

“What?” he blurts out, confused and affronted both.

“I thought you missed me,” Cas repeats, lower and harder like Dean's a stupid cat that won't spit out what it's chewing.

“Cas, I really don't wanna do this.”

“You kept praying to me to come back, Dean. After you were out of Purgatory. I heard you. Those were quite some prayers. Now you're putting yourself in real danger just to stay away from me. I don’t understand.”

Sam just stares at Dean, the always most helpful thing on the planet that he is. Thanks, Sam. Dean stares at the road. Cas stares daggers through the back of Dean's head. Poor Baby can't just leave this situation so she just keeps on rollin’. Nobody wins that day.

“That was before you told me you were lying your ass off just to kick me out last minute. Your subscription for my prayers and personal Jesus license have now expired, by the way. Like, the fuck does talking to you even do?”

“Fine!” Castiel snaps, so close to throwing his hands in the air for a grand effect but luckily thinking better of it since he's in a car that has a roof among other things. “I understand that you're angry—” he tries to start over, calmer, after a self-collecting breath.

“No, you don't,” Dean mutters.

“But you can't risk your life in the stupidest available way just to get back at me, Dean. Not after everything I've done to make sure you come back safe.”

Well at least he didn't include Sam in that „saving” part.

“You were there, man. You know Benny never double crossed me or you. What the exact fuck is your problem with him?”

A very angry squint-frown precedes the actual answer.

“You were his ticket to Earth. Now your life doesn't hold the same value.”

“Thanks, Cas. That's really swee—”

“You know that's not what I meant, Dean,” Cas growls in a tone that's clearly a final warning.

So final even Sam and his high horse must have heard since he steps in to defuse Cas.

“Cas, I'm not a fan of saying it, but Benny isn't a threat to Dean. I think the guy is kinda trying to settle,” he offers.

Dean smiles a little bit.

“See, Cas?”

“But I'm worried he might have more vamps trying to take him down because he pissed off every fang that ever knew him and then some. This is actual danger, Dean.”

“What?!” Castiel explodes in unbridled rage.

“Sam, have you ever wondered where do snitches go after they die?”

“Dean, you know I'm serious.”

“Ditches,” Dean concludes.

“When exactly were you going to tell me this?” Castiel asks coldly. “After you get killed by vampire avengers?”

“They're all taken care of, Cas. No mean jokes this time. Relax.”

“With your Winchester luck? I doubt it.”

“Oh, come on. It's not like you wouldn't bring me back even if something did happen.”

“Yes, even twice because first I would have personally destroyed you for being so reckless.”

“I know you would.”

“Guys,” Sam tries to placate, “we should all calm down and rethink how to handle it safely. It's not a good time for some jilted lovers tiff”, he begs.

Dean frowns then makes mocking faces at him to communicate that he's being a fucking douche.

“You're a fucking jilted lovers tiff,” he decides.

“We had sex, Dean,” Castiel states accusatorily.

Little does he know, he just broke Sam beyond repair. Now that the cat is out of the bag, the only thing Dean can do is to straighten some things out.

“Once,” he says, raising a finger to accentuate his point. “Cas was sure we were gonna die in the morning. We didn't, but there never was a follow up on that, so,” Dean shrugs.

“You weren't interested.”

“Says you,” Dean huffs. “I’m sorry, do you know me? Being interested in sex is in my top five pasttimes. You behaved like a brick on the other hand and I don’t know how to read concrete.”

“I don’t want to be here, good fucking God,” Sam finally yelps after a successful reboot of his brain.

Dean’s pretty sure nobody wants to be in this car right now and the only goddamn thing that could potentially make him ‘special’ right now is the fact currently Sam’s probably the only person in the Impala who has not lain his mouth on Cas’s dick. Hopefully.

Funnily enough, Cas could easily poof out without lethal injuries, but he’s dead set on staying, judging from the frown on his face that looks like a stock market crash diagram.

“I didn’t exactly see you giving me any signs.”

And set on having this conversation.

“I’m not a cat, I don’t go into heats, Cas. Can we talk about it somewhere more private? Later? Cuz everybody here wants to fucking die right now.”

“Private?” Cas asks. “If you want privacy to talk then why do you refuse to book a room with me?”

“We don’t need to share a room to have a conversation. Unless what you want it to end with is getting back on track with that last night on Earth thing we had that one time.”

“Jesus Christ,” Sam cries.

“Grow up and stow your crap, Sam,” Cas says unexpectedly before Dean could even bother to serve anything in a similar note.

Dean is so thrown off his equilibrium by that he puts the car to an abrupt halt. Only because he’s too deeply wired to not crash the Impala into the first available so he won’t accidentally kill Sam.

That is, if Cas’s words haven’t obliterated him already. He glances at him, just in case. Speechless as holily commanded by the celestial – potentially horny – wrath from the back seat, but at least he’s still breathing.

“Um,” he says, because someone’s gotta, because he’s still the big brother in this demented equation. “Cas, what the fuck was that?”

“Should you, of all people, really need me to be this blunt – now that the worst affairs have been settled, we could pick up where we left off, and hopefully reach a mutual understanding regarding the nature of our relationship so that doubt no longer hinders you. If it’s still something that interests you, of course. Would that be clear and direct enough, Dean?”

Well, that was… long? Long enough citations are probably needed, but, uh, yeah. S’ gotta be addressed immediately or else.

“Cas, that was 2010 and we have 2012 now.”

“It was 2012 when you prayed to me in Purgatory and it was 2012 four days ago. Granted, your feelings towards me might be very complicated, but I still can sense and read your longing,” Cas says with a weary sigh.

“Stop smelling my longing,” Dean responds with a wearier one. “And I don’t have to explain myself to you.”

“But I should explain myself to you.”

“I’m real fed up with your explanations, you know that? And we don’t got time for that, either. We need to get to Lafayette because we got a case waiting to get solved.”

“It’s because he’s waiting there for you, isn’t it,” Cas says sadly; not a question. A statement.

Dean doesn’t need to respond. Doesn’t feel like it, too.

Yeah. It’s good to actually have someone waiting for you; someone there.

Maybe it’s not that complicated, after all. Maybe it doesn’t have to be.

Dean starts the car. He’s got a place to go to.

The sound apparently wakes Sam from his stupor. His bright idea of the day, he turns the radio on before the awkward silence can make the universe inside of the Impala collapse on itself and on all three of them. Too late for Dean to react now; might as well get a load of the weather report.

In the back seat, Cas flicks his wrist subtly and the monotone voice sharply cuts off into static for a moment and the frequency bar moves elsewhere on its’ – or rather, Cas’s – own.  Some solitary synthesiser-made sounds drop one after another like tiny steps and Dean realizes he definitely has heard this song before at some point in his life as eighties one hit wonders ain’t no strangers to him. Oh well. Might as well not get any of the wea—

Looking from a window above, it’s like a story of love… Can you hear me?

Is he fucking kidding?!

Came back only yesterday, I’m moving farther away.... Want you near me…

“Are you fucking kidding?” Dean cries out, incredulous.

Tries to turn the radio off but it just won’t die.

All I needed was the love you gave— “You want melodramatic? I’ll give you melodramatic.” —All I needed for another day — Dean reaches out for his phone and starts typing angrily — and all I ever knew, only you.

He puts on good ol’ Fish and hopes it’s gonna be louder than Cas’s synth-pop loving. And starts driving towards where he wants to be cause he’s tired of dancing.

[woah-imagine-that]

hey i just read the scenario of izaya with the shy girl. do u think u can do a continuation of that story? of izaya finally making a move perhaps? or asking her out? whatever works with your creativity. thank you!

It had been a few weeks since your last meeting with Izaya, within the first week the ban of animals in your apartment complex suddenly lifted. You were grateful that he went though that for you, but you haven’t been able to properly thank him, you haven’t seen him since. It probably had something to do with work, he’s always busy nowadays, but that didn’t stop you from missing him, you wanted to treat him to something, something nice.

You could picture it now: you would invite him over, he would say it was nothing, and you didn’t have to go through the trouble, you would reassure him you wanted to do this, and he would reluctantly agree even though he would love nothing more to spend time with you (though of course you don’t know that)… honestly, most of your treats for him went like that, you wished he wasn’t so modest.

A loud meow brought you out of dreamland, after the ban was lifted, you were quick to take the little kitten into your home; you cleaned her, fed her, gave her love, she’s never looked happier. You were glad to give her a good home. You weren’t the only one though, most of your neighbours soon got pets, and became more lively and happy as a result, in fact, the whole complex was bustling with good vibes.

You couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that Izaya indirectly made all these people happy, if you told him this you were certain he would puke.

You were missing him, he hasn’t even sent you a text, what was he getting up to? His life is so exciting, always on edge, expecting the next step with utmost ecstasy. You could never be like that, you longed for the simple things: a simple house, a simple job, a simple pet, a simple life. So how did this complex man become your friend? You’d rather not rack your brain trying to answer that question, you would definitely implode.

The cat started nuzzling your leg, angry she wasn’t getting any attention. You rubbed your thoughts of your strange friend away so that your poor cat can get the attention she wants. You were quick to pick her up and nestle her in your arms, your cat was always a fan of hugs, and now that she’s clean you can accommodate.

The hug was unfortunately short lived as there was a sudden knock at the door. It was Izaya, you knew because of the way the knocks drummed in the door; you weren’t sure why you memorised his knocking pattern but you saw it as a gift.

You made you way over to the door, the cat still in your arms. Sorry Izaya, but even you can’t impede kitten hugs. You didn’t open the door for him just yet, you wanted answers first. “Morning Izaya. What brings you here? And uninvited as well, you could at least sent me a text, what if I wasn’t here?” You said from the other side of the door.

“Good morning to you too,” his voice seemed especially chipper, something exciting must’ve happened while he was gone, “May I come in?” He asked, ignoring your questions.

“I want to know why you’re here first, I can’t let just any old Izaya in without knowing what he wants.” This earned a good laugh out of him. “Can’t I see an old friend? I realise I’ve been neglecting her as of late, and I want to make it up to her.” You won’t lie, that made your heart flutter a bit, you were certain Izaya wouldn’t care about not seeing you, but here he is, at your doorstep, asking to be with you.

You opened the door soon after that, and to no one’s surprise there he was, with his signature smile on his face. Was it just you, or did he look better than he normally did? His skin looked clearer, and the bags under his eyes were gone. Was that even possible? Was Izaya practicing self care? Wow, good for him.

“So, how are you going to make it up to me?”

“Hmm, let me in and I’ll show you.”

Sheesh, he really wants to get into your house, doesn’t he? “You’re usually not that enthusiastic to come to my house, in fact, you’ve never even been to my house.” And yet, you moved aside to let him in any way.

“Well, I wanted to see how you’re holding up, and I can see you’ve taken advantage of the new pet policy,” he was looking right at the cat in your arms.

“Well, yeah… how could I not when you went though all that trouble for me.”

“Haha, well I wouldn’t exactly call it trouble, your landlord was very easy to persuade, he’s even more gullible than that brute Shizu-chan.” You laughed at that, his weird style of humour and his… ways of doing things always got a rouse out of you.

“Well make yourself comfortable.” You invited him in more, making your way over to the living room, putting the cat down in the process, who went to take a nap on her little bed. He took a seat on the couch, slightly leaning back into it.

“Would you like anything, a cup of tea perhaps?” You asked him. He looked over to you and stared straight into your eyes, it was intense. He was silent, and you got worried for a moment, but he thankfully spoke. “That sounds nice… but you need not bother, come sit with me,” he pat the seat next to him, and who were you to refuse. You sat down close, but not too close to him. That didn’t seem to please Izaya, as he immediately moved closer to you, your shoulders were touching right now. He surprised you, you’ve barely been this close to him. Just what was going on?

“I’m sorry we haven’t spoken since that day,” his voice was low, like he was telling you a secret. “I was busy trying to get my bearings in order.” You noticed his gaze wandering down to your lap, where your hands were. “I missed you,” he brought his hands over to brush against yours, and you froze up. “I liked the feeling of missing you, it made me want to come over and see you even more.” Something was definitely off, you’ve never seen Izaya so… touchy-feely. Sure, he’s hugged you and everything before, classic Izaya behaviour, but this was… Soft. Gentle. Slow. Words that you’d never associate with him.

You didn’t think it was possible, but he leaned even closer towards you, which caused you to lean back. Izaya stopped playing with your hands to look up at you. “What’s wrong? Don’t you like this? I thought you liked hugs and touches.”

“I do, but… they were always quick and innocent. This is…” you started breathing heavier, he was making you feel… something, you weren’t sure what. “This is different.”

“Hmm, how so?” His tone of voice deepened, it sounded sultry.

“I mean, this is the type of thing you’d do with a person you’re intimate with.” You couldn’t hold his gaze anymore, so you shyly looked away from him. His hands brought themselves up to your chest, softly pushing you down into the couch, which caused you to let out a surprised gasp. Izaya loved the little sounds you were making, to him they were the cutest thing he’s ever heard. You brought your gaze back to see him adjusting himself so he could hover over you. This was too much, you felt like you would faint.

He was looking straight down at you, and you could only look back up at him. “Izaya…” God, you hated how meek you sounded. One of his hands came up and brushed against your cheek, and you could feel yourself growing hot at his touch.

“I love how shy you are,” he whispered to you. That was the tipping point for you, you felt like you were going to faint at any moment. Then suddenly, as soon as it came, it went. Izaya quickly got off you, as if nothing had happened. “Well, I think I’ll take you up on that tea offer.” What the hell?

-

You were in the kitchen now, trying to make sense of what happened. What was Izaya trying to do? He’s never acted this way, you were certain something was going to happen on that couch. The whistling of the kettle wasn’t enough to drown your thoughts out. Your emotions were on panic mode, was he trying to make a move on you? Where did this come from? He’s never done something like this before, you needed answers.

It seemed your thoughts were loud enough to reach Izaya, cause he was suddenly standing next to you.

“Hey,” you were the first to speak. “About before—“

“You don’t need to say anything,” he was quick to interrupt, his voice serious. “I’m the one who should explain himself.” You stared, intent in what he had to say. “I wasn’t lying when I said I missed you, I wanted to visit you every day. I was so happy when I finally got the chance. And when I saw you,” he turned to look at you, “I wanted to show you how much I loved and missed you.” Huh? “Guess I got a little carried away,” his demeanour turned back into the classic, playful Izaya you knew. “Can you forgive me?” He gave you puppy eyes, which you laughed at.

“It’s fine, you just caught me off guard that’s all,” you said in between giggles. “Just warn me next time you do something like that.”

“Next time? Oh, so you liked me doing that to you?” Next thing you knew you were being hugged from behind. “Aww, I’m so happy my little human loves me back.” He was quick to pepper kisses all over the back of your neck, which made you squeal in delight.

—

“Oh by the way, the entire complex is happy they got pets, you made everyone happy.”

“I think I’m gonna be sick.”