#she feels very helpless in this sort of situation and hates it!!

[fatelcved]

@starpoacher gets a lil something bc what was supposed to be an interrupted kiss turned into chiyo getting emotional and baring her heart to seth <3

she's cross with him. he's protected her time and again from-- from whatever it is exactly that he does on the side. and she's grateful, more than she can possibly say in a manner that doesn't feel cheesy or insincere. but she's mad, too. she's mad that seth doesn't lean on her more, that she's in the dark, a little mad that he kept it all a secret in the first place. chiyo hates secrets, as hypocritical of her that is.

yet she can't really blame him for any of it, can she? it isn't fair of her, she knows. it's for her own good that she doesn't know much; how can he lean on her if he can't talk about what he's going through? she's just a wrench that was haphazardly thrown into the well-oiled machine of his life. she was never supposed to be involved even this much. she was supposed to go on with her life as normal. she was supposed to swallow her nostalgia for what was and what could have been, let seth continue to be someone she remembered fondly. she was supposed to let him go. that would have been easier. for both of them.

he needs to go. the restaurant will open soon, and chiyo is well aware of how busy it'll be before long. there isn't time for a drawn out argument or the frustration aglow in seth's eyes. still, chiyo stops him from leaving his office, rushing to stand in front of the door and tripping in her haste. seth saves her from a nasty fall, hands steadying her; chiyo's chest feels tight.

she hates this feeling.

" i'm not going anywhere, y'know? " she says. she's thankful she doesn't sound choked up. stubborn brown eyes meet amber, and they soften, lose some of their earlier sharpness. her hands reach for seth's, gentle but firm, intentional. " i'm not going to go anywhere. i don't care about what you're hiding -- i just care about you. i need you to know that. "

[igotanidea]

Bedridden : Dick Grayson x reader

Aka: the one when Dick gets sick and makes it everyone's problem.

„What on earth are you doing!?”

“I’m – working out?”

“Why?” the question came out in some sort of crazy instinct, without her thinking much about it.

To tell the truth, under any other circumstances, seeing Dick shirtless, doing reps and circuits of exercises wouldn’t be shocking. Hell, it would be absolutely normal and almost – expected. Hell – she would just sit on the bench shamelessly watching him flexing his muscles and getting all hot and sweaty, waiting for the end of training to sneak into the shower with him.

But there was one little thing that made that day different.

He was fucking sick.

And not the I-got-99-degrees – I -am-fighting-for-my-life kind of sickness.

Real fucking sick.

Specifically put on bed rest by a real doctor, and not excused to go on another patrol during another night.

Y/N sighed heavily, knowing damn well that convincing her superhero-vigilante-shit boyfriend with the golden retriever attitude and savior complex would involve a lot of work, starting from explaining to him the meaning of word bed rest.

“Dick? Honey?”

“Hm? Yes? What-is-it – 99-100-101.”  Clearly talking to her was not as important as doing a few more level pull ups.

“Could you please spare me a second of your time?”

“Mhm- yeah-sure-just – a – few-more- 150-151-152.”

“Richard Grayson!”

“Y/N Y/L/N!”

“Could you please-“

“Love of my life, please understand that I absolutely have to keep in shape. If not for the beating-criminals’-asses than for you. You do like your boyfriend hot, don’t you?”

HE got her right into the trap, cause even if she said “no”, her eyes and face would reveal the truth.

“You do look hot and – “

“I know, thanks!” He grinned mischievously, jumping off the bar and reaching for the towel, wiping the sweat from his forehead.  

“- and ridiculous.”

“Ouch!” His expression turned from playful to painful.

“Don’t do this, Dick. Don’t play it down.”

“I’m not playing down anything, princess. I am absolutely fine. All ready to go. Now, do you want to take a shower with me?” he stepped closer, wrapping arms around her waist.

“No!” she tried to wriggle free, but obviously it was futile as the grip only got tighter. “Dick, you have to-“

“Shh.” He cut her off by pulling closer to his bare chest “Did I ever tell you about that one time I kicked down three goons with one broken arm?”

“Yes! At least ten times, but this is not a very good point of relevance in the case and – “

“I swear to you, I am absolutely healthy.” Dick stepped back and with zero effort did a backflip.

“Dick…” Y/N rubbed her forehead “stop showing off, for god’s sake…”

“I’m not showing off, babe! I’m showing out, actually.”

“That’s not even a word!”

“It is now.”

She was starting to get impatient, considering going as far and kicking his freshly healed bruise if it meant being able to put him into the bed and maybe tie to the bed frame, not for the reason she wanted, but definitely for the reason that was needed to prevent him from getting out.

“Listen, what do I have to do to make you get some rest?”

“Get rid of the entire crime in the city and place me in the reality where everything is full of sunshine and rainbows and people are safe.” He responded, without missing a beat, becoming serious.

How could one ever argue with such logic? It wasn’t like she didn’t have heart nor like she was blind to the situation of habitants, the violence and everything around it.  Feeling helpless more often than not, worrying about the state of the world and people in it.

“I swear to you, I am feeling absolutely fine.” One finger landed under her chin, lifting her eyes up on him. “I can do it, come on, you know I can do it. “

“I don’t like it…”

“I am very aware you don’t like it.”

“I hate how you can convince me to follow through your stupid ideas.”

“God-given gift.”

“This is not a God-given gift. It’s the effect of years of playing around and fooling everyone with those innocent blue eyes. Even Batman for god’s sake. What are you – no! – no! stop looking at me like that!

***

It was a surprisingly quiet night, one that doesn’t happen often and yet brings some sort of fear into the heart of people.

Almost as if expecting a calm before the storm.

And it made Gotham’s vigilantes far more careful and observant.

Only that they couldn’t possibly expect the hit that was coming for everyone.

“Achooo!”

***

“Y/N….” a weak voice, reminding her a little of Dick’s timbre, only more muffled and  stuffed.

“Dick? Dick, oh my god, what happened?!” In a second, she was on her feet, eyes running up and down his body, searching for cuts, bruises, bullet holes, bleeding and whatever other type of injury he might have had sustained during patrol.

“I think I’m sick…” He stuttered as if the runny nose, pale face and reddened eyes weren’t enough of a giveaway.

“huh! You think? Who would have guessed, right?”

“I don’t feel so well….” His shoulders sagged and anyone else might have fallen for the little exaggerated act.

“Is this the moment when I said I told you so?”

“You’re being mean. I’m suffering here.”

“You wouldn’t be suffering if-“

“I get it! I get it! You were right, I admit it, are you happy now? Can I just go and rest in peace?”

“No.”

“No? Y/N, come on-“

“I am not happy and you can’t just go and rest in peace, god damn your stupid choice of words. Do you really think I am enjoying seeing my boyfriend all mopey and miserable? I am not that heartless.”

“Does it mean, you’re going to make me a chicken soup?” he looked at her with begging eyes.

“Yeah, I’ll make you the chicken soup.”

“Thank you….”

“Now come on, let’s get you to bed.”

Dick was suddenly far less playful and teasing than usual, leaning on her as she guided him to the bedroom and helped get into the sheets, pulling covers up to his chin and brushing hair out of his forehead placing a little soft kiss on his burning skin.

***

“YYYYY/NNNNN!”

“I’m coming!”

“YYYYYYYY/NNNNN!”

“What is it?!” she busted through the bedroom door, madness in her eyes, half-expecting Dick to be suffocating or fevering with the life-threatening temperature.

“I can’t reach the water….”

“You can’t- you can’t what?”

She should have known better.

He was calling her from downstairs because it turned out to be impossible for him to reach for the glass standing about three inches from him.

Oh dear lord.

“Here.”

“Thank you…. You’re so good to me.”

“Yeah, I know.”

“The only one standing by me in the time of challenge…”

She rolled eyes, making her this-will-pass-I-just-have-to-be-patient face, observing him carefully. This was far more ironic considering the fact that merely a few hours earier he was all fine, ready to beat asses and bubbling with energy and now it was a life-threatening situation.

“And while you’re here, could you fix my pillows?”

“Sure, sure, I’ll fix your pillows.”

She leaned over him fluffing the cushions that were probably the fluffiest one on earth.

“Thank you…” he grabbed her hand, brushing fingers over hers in a tender gesture. Playing her like a doll, and leaving her absolutely helpless against it.

“Sure…”

“Is the soup ready? It smells really nice in the house…”

“I think a few more minutes and –“

“Please…?”

“Dick, seriously, I can’t feed you with half-boiled meat—”

“But I’m hungry… and cold and ….”

“You’ll get Salmonella!”

“I want a cookie….” He hummed putting on the most vulnerable, weak tone

“You want sweets? But sugar is not a sickness food. You need vitamins and – “

“I’m sick, Y/n! I’m suffering! I want a chocolate chip cookie!”

“Right. Maybe I’ll just put it inside your chicken broth?” she half-mocked, discreetly placing a palm on his forehead to check how bad the fever was, since it came close to raving.

“Could you do that?”

Holy shit…

“Yeah… yeah, right, I’ll be right back, ok? Just – just wait here, Dick. Don’t go anywhere, ok?”

Groaning internally, she swiftly moved out of the bedroom, closing the door and reaching for the phone.

“Alfred?”

“Miss Y/N? How nice to hear from you.”

“Alfred, I am in desperate need for your help-“

***

“Yyyyyy/nnnnnnn!”

“Oh for the love of-! I’m coming!”

“Yyyyyyyy/nnnnnnnn!”

“What is it now!?”

“Someone is at the door….”

“Ugh!”

It was getting worse by the minute. Now he was calling out to her, making her rush the stairs, only to find out it was about someone’s unexpected visit and knocking happening downstairs.

“I think you should open it-“

“You think?” the amount of strength she had to put into biting her tongue and not lashing her sarcasm and annoyance on that poor, suffering, self-absorbed, dramatic, soul. “You’re so smart.”

Dick grinned, not catching up on the bitterness of her words, clearly proud of himself.

The knocking repeated and Y/N was on the thin line of pouring all her bad emotions on whoever dared to add to her pile of problems with sick boyfriend but it turned out it was the only person who could actually be of help in this messed up situation.

“Alfred!”

“Good evening, miss Y/N.”

“Thank you for coming but why – “

“Because I’m aware of Master Dick martyrdom tendencies when his organism is working against him.”

“Right. Please tell me, you also have a few solutions, cause I think I’m about to pull Daenerys Targaryen on him….”

“You mean the one when she –“

“Yes. Yes, the exact one.”

“Now, we wouldn’t want that, would we?”

***

When they entered the bedroom together, Dick was on a zoom call with everyone he could reach on such short notice.

How he found strength to get a laptop from the desk, retrieve charger, plug in and start talking and talking and talking while it was too much to cover with a blanket earlier was forever to be a mystery.

“Guys! I’m sick! I’m on bed rest. And I am so lonely, deprived of the contact with-“

“Ahem!”

“Oh, it’s Y/N, everyone!” Dick turned the computer so she could see half of the Young Justice and at least three members of The Justice League on the screen. “Say hi, babe.”

“Um… hi…” she stuttered, because obviously it was normal to wave hands at Superman and Wonder Woman while being hardly accustomed to dealing with Batman on a regular basis. 

“He’s not alone, I swear I am taking care of him and – “ the justification was a poor attempt at making sure the heroes and heroines won’t be at their door in the next ten minutes, demanding explanation and babying Dick, by – for example – serving him chocolate chip chicken soup cookie.

“Oh, thank god, Alfred is here. Now, I’m saved. Thank you all for listening to me, I’ll reach out next time when –“

Click.

The laptop was shut, carefully but firmly, not by Y/N, but Alfred.

“Master Dick.”

“Alfred…” he hummed in a soft, quiet voice, the same way he used to do when being twelve. 

Hence, to sum up the whole dick-is-sick-and-making-it-everyone’s-problem situation, Y/N was left with one pro and one con.

 Pro: Alfred relieved her of her nurse duties, at least for a while.

Con: It was just a matter of time before she was about to be investigated and background-checked by at least a dozen of Dick’s super friends, making sure she was truly good enough for their golden boy.

As if her confidence wasn’t already suffering enough….

[daddychi-01]

Batman Headcanon

Give me a 9 or 10-year-old Dick Grayson who has been Robin for a little bit but is still figuring out his relationship with Bruce Wayne. They are more than a guardian and his ward but not quite yet father and son. They both want that but neither of them have gotten up the courage to say it.

Now give me a hostage situation, during some kind of gala or charity event for the school. One where a lot of rich people and their rich kids are present so it’s very important for Bruce and Dick to be selling the whole secret ID thing, so they have to looking just as pathetic and scared as the other people around them.

The bad guys immediately recognize Bruce Wayne and his brat, and they pull Dick away from Bruce. They threaten Dick’s life, saying that Bruce better cooperate or he’ll have to find a new orphan to to take care of, not like it would be a problem since Gotham has so many.

Dick thinks the fear in Bruce’s eyes is an act. That’s not just Bruce after all, it’s Batman. The Dark Knight. He’s literally not allowed to be afraid, so that look can’t be real.

But it is.

Bruce hasn’t been this terrified since the night he lost his parents. His heart is racing and he has to physically push down a panic attack because that isn’t going to save Dick right now. He doesn’t know what to do. He can’t fight these people, not when he is Bruce Wayne. Without the cape and cowl, he has to be a helpless playboy.

So he does the only thing he can think of: he begs.

Bruce Wayne drops to his knees and he pleads with the masked goons to spare Dick’s life. He’s just a boy. A boy who has already lived through enough trauma. Bruce understands if these people hate him and if they want to hurt him instead, that’s fine. But he begs them not to hurt Dick.

He promises to give them anything. They can have his fortune, his life, whatever they want. Just spare Dick. That’s all he asks.

And a masked woman steps forward, leaning down in front of Bruce with what he knows is a sick smirk. The air around them thins and Dick feels himself shiver fifteen feet away. He hadn’t been expecting Bruce to say any of those things. Sure they were close, they had to be as the Dynamic Duo. But he thought after his parents died, there wouldn’t be another adult who would speak about him like that.

That would care enough to swallow their pride and beg, just for him.

Dick’s ears perk up when he hears the woman speak.

“Anything?” She asks. She sounds delighted, almost like she had won some sort of bet at a bar and not that she was leading a hostage situation.

“Anything.” Bruce confirms.

“Okay.” She stands, pointing her gun in Dick’s general direction. “I want your Mommy’s pearls.”

Bruce’s body freezes in shock.

Dick closes his eyes now resigned. Bruce may have been willing to say he would give anything but those were just words. It was one thing to say it, it was entirely different to actually do it. And Martha Wayne’s pearls were too high a price.

Dick can’t blame Bruce either. He imagined being asked to give up his mother’s wedding ring and felt his stomach turn. No, he wouldn’t begrudge Bruce for changing his mind—

“Done.”

Dick’s head shoots up, eyes wide with surprise. He had to have misheard. Bruce didn’t. He wouldn’t…

“Give me a phone. I’ll call my Butler and he will bring them here.”

And Dick cries. Not because someone is holding him hostage, he doesn’t care about that, but because a wave of realization crashes down onto him with an unforgiving strength.

He isn’t an orphan anymore. He has a dad. Bruce loves him.

Bruce ends up calling Alfred and Alfred, being the badass that he is, gives the Gotham PD a heads up but drives there anyway just so he can sucker punch the woman who demanded his late mistress’s pearls just to psychologically torture his son while holding his grandson hostage.

He then takes the pair home. There’s a small tin of cookies in the back for them to share on the drive back.

[vacate-et-scire]

“Again?!” – Part 1

Tony Stark x Civilian!Reader

Synopsis: You spilled your drink on a stranger. Then you Googled him.

Warnings: [None I hope, pure fluff and kinda awkward situations] [foriegn reader you are not from the states in this <3] [fem reader]

w.c 1.8k

You’re gonna be late.

Not fashionably, not charmingly. Actually late.

You’d planned to be early. You needed to be early. Your first day at your first job since landing in the country—everything about it made your heart pound a little too fast. You’d practiced your introduction three times in the mirror this morning, brushed imaginary lint off your blazer until it pilled. You couldn’t afford to look like a mess. Not today. Not when you’re already nervous that every mistake you make will be noticed harder, judged faster, weighed heavier.

You don’t want to be the immigrant they talk about behind closed doors. You want to be invisible. Or better: impressive.

But no. Your subway stalled, your walking directions turned you in a circle, and now, to top it all off, your English is trying to abandon you under pressure.

You shove into the nearest café, praying the line is short. It’s not.

You order fast. “Matcha, cold, uh—ice. Please. Tall. I mean… medium?”

You’re not even sure what you just said, but the barista takes your card and you move to the pickup counter, clutching your phone with the directions still open. 9:12 a.m. You need to be in the building by 9:30. It's a ten-minute walk. You're cutting it close.

So when your name is called, you grab the cup too fast. Turn too sharply. And crash right into someone waiting behind you.

The drink goes flying.

The ice arcs like shrapnel. Matcha explodes across an expensive grey button-up, dripping down in streaks of soft green horror.

You freeze.

“Oh no,” you blurt, already lunging for napkins. “I didn’t—oh god, I didn’t see, I wasn’t—!”

The man takes a stunned step back, blinking down at himself. The drink has fully committed to soaking him. There's a single cube of ice clinging to his collarbone like a final insult.

You reach out helplessly with a napkin, then freeze halfway, not wanting to actually… touch him. Not now. Not like this.

“I’m sorry,” you say, too quickly. “I am late, I—first day, new job, I was not—my hand slipped, but I pay for shirt, I clean, please don’t—don’t be mad.”

Your words trip and tangle with your accent. You hate how it makes you sound so unsure.

To your shock, the man doesn’t yell. Doesn’t flinch. In fact, his mouth quirks upward like this is funny. Like this—you—are funny.

“Well,” he says, shaking out the front of his shirt like he does this sort of thing on the regular. “That’s one way to make a first impression.”

You flush. “Please don’t be angry. I don’t want to lose my job. I already… it’s already hard.”

His eyebrows tick upward. The grin softens.

“I’m not angry,” he says. “Trust me, I’ve had worse mornings.”

You frown. “You are… very calm.”

“Yeah, well. You look like you might actually cry,” he says, tilting his head. “Didn’t want to risk making you the one who ends up comforting me.”

You let out a helpless, mortified little noise and try to mop a bit of matcha off the counter. “This is so bad. I am so late now. I was trying to be professional.”

“Mm. How’s that going?”

You glare at him, but there’s no heat in it. “I will cry. Don’t test me.”

He laughs at that. It’s warm. Easy. The kind of laugh that makes you feel like you’ve already won something just by making it happen.

You glance at the barista, who’s biting her lip behind the counter, eyes darting between the two of you like she’s watching a scene from a romcom.

“Here,” she says finally, sliding a fresh matcha toward you. “No charge. And… maybe next time don’t drink and drive.”

“That is not funny,” you mutter, cheeks burning.

The man takes the extra napkins she offers and dabs at his shirt without much concern. You watch a splotch of green sink deeper into his lapel.

“I’ll live,” he says. “Though if I turn into the Hulk, I expect a formal apology.”

You furrow your brow. “That’s not how Hulk works.”

He pauses. Grins. “You’d be surprised how often I hear that.”

You don’t have time to ask what that means. Your phone buzzes in your hand: 9:17 a.m.

You curse under your breath and look up at him one last time, guilt gnawing at your stomach.

“I really am sorry,” you say again. “You were just… standing there. I wasn’t watching. It’s my fault.”

He shrugs, stuffing soggy napkins into a nearby trash bin. “You were in a rush. I get it. Maybe I should’ve worn green.”

You smile, despite yourself. “Thank you. For not yelling. Or suing.”

“Maybe I’ll save it for next time.”

“There will not be a next time.”

He just hums. Like he knows something you don’t.

And before you can ask his name—or offer yours—he waves a lazy hand and slips out the door, sunglasses already on, like this was all just another Tuesday.

You're left with your second drink, a ruined timeline, and a weird buzzing in your chest like the day just veered off script.

The second time you see him, your heart doesn’t race.

It stops.

You’re halfway out the same café—new drink clutched in hand, head down, feet steady—when someone steps aside to hold the door for you. You glance up.

It’s him.

No spilled drink this time. No crowd. Just him. Crisp charcoal suit, clean today. Casual expression. That same slightly lazy posture, like he has nowhere urgent to be despite the fact that he’s clearly the kind of man who always has somewhere important to be.

You freeze.

For a second, you consider backing away and pretending you forgot something. Or leaving the drink behind. Or vanishing.

But he speaks first.

“You made it to work alright, then?” he asks.

His voice is calm. Dry, but not mocking. Like it’s a question he genuinely wanted to ask, even if he didn’t expect to get the chance.

You nod once, too quickly. “Yes. I was… not too late.”

“That’s good,” he says. “Didn’t want to ruin your first day. That’d be a hell of a reputation to start with. ‘Green-shirt girl who cries and runs.’”

You don’t laugh. You barely even breathe. Not because you’re panicking—more because your body is trying to figure out what the right emotion is. Embarrassment? Suspicion? Wariness?

You settle on something closer to cautious politeness.

“I didn’t catch your name,” you say quietly, shifting your weight.

He reaches for his drink from the counter behind you, then glances back. “Tony.”

You nod. “Nice to meet you.”

“You too,” he says. And that’s it. He gives you a small nod, steps aside, and lets you walk past him like you’re strangers again.

You exit the café like a normal person. Even wave a little, because you’re trying to seem polite. Calm. Unbothered.

It works—until you get halfway down the block, and the name Tony sticks in your head like a splinter.

Tony.

Something about it itches at your memory. Not the name itself. Him. His tone. His face. The way people had been glancing at him inside the café. That weird moment when the barista caught your eye and gave you a look—like how does she not know who that is.

You walk faster.

You wait until you’re inside the breakroom at your new job, alone, your paper cup sweating in your hands, and then you unlock your phone. Open a browser. Type just Tony —then delete it, realizing how stupid that is.

You try again.

Tony suit glasses goatee.

You scroll. Nothing.

You bite your lip.

Then finally, you try what you should’ve started with:

Tony New York.

You were expecting some lawyer. A CEO. Maybe an author. Something mild.

What you get is headlines. Dozens. Articles. Photos. Entire pages of search results that feel like someone just grabbed the edges of your reality and tugged.

"Tony Stark Re-Emerges at Stark Industries Gala""IRON MAN Makes Surprise Statement on Midtown Innovation Project""Billionaire, Philanthropist, Superhero—and Now, Bachelor Again?"

You scroll. Scroll again. Then stop.

There’s a picture.

It’s him.

It’s him.

Wearing a different suit, yes—but the same face, same smirk, same stupidly expensive sunglasses perched in his hair.

Your chest feels tight. Not like fear. More like… the ground moved, and now you’re not sure where your feet are.

You remember holding a crumpled napkin out to him like a child.

You remember telling him you didn’t want to lose your job. That it was already hard.

You remember offering to pay for his shirt which was probably worth more than your years worth salary.

You lock your phone and stare at the wall for a full sixty seconds.

You walked away from Tony Stark like he was just some annoying guy in your way.

You wonder if this is the kind of story people laugh about at parties—"this one time, some foreign girl dumped matcha on Tony Stark and didn’t even recognize him."

You wonder if he's told anyone yet.

And across town—

Tony is lying on a sleek leather couch, changed into a new shirt, and grinning like a man who just had a religious experience.

He has no idea what your name is. No way to find you. And that is, frankly, unacceptable.

“You should’ve seen her, F.R.I.D.A.Y.,” he says, tossing a balled-up napkin into the trash across the room. “Didn’t know who I was. At all. Looked me dead in the face like I was just another guy.”

“Unthinkable,” the AI deadpans.

“And then the drink!” he says, raising his hands up up like it was a magical moment. “Most people notice me before running into me head on and making a mess.”

“She seemed… distressed.”

“She was honest,” Tony says, pointing. “You know how rare that is? No fawning. No social climbing. Just genuine gult. I haven’t seen that in years.”

“She did say she didn’t want to lose her job. Perhaps you should let her go.”

“Oh no. ” Tony leans back again, fingers steepled.

“What would you like me to do?”

Tony taps his temple. “Find her.”

F.R.I.D.A.Y. hums in a way that sounds suspiciously like disapproval. “You don’t even know her name.”

“She bought a matcha. Around 9:15 a.m. from that coffee shop on 43rd. Cross-check her transaction with security footage. Filter for panicked young women with very good hair and poor aim.”

“You’re really doing this?”

“Listen,” he says, folding his hands over his stomach. “You get doused in iced green sludge and walk away with a crush," He says the word mockingly childish "You ignore the universe. I’m not that guy.”

He doesn’t say it out loud, but he’s thinking it: She didn’t look at me like Iron Man. Or someone to suck up to. She looked at me like a mess...She was kinda right.. very right.

And he wants more of that.

To Be Continued…?

[hummingjay]

It's Cricket! ( she is in a constant state of suffering )

yap under the cut

Unprompted Cricket Yap!

Cricket is paranoid and scared. Constantly. Perpetually. Not to say she’s easily startled and not to say she’s got a lot to be afraid of of but that she’s authentically scared all the time. To her, reality is not permanent and is instead fully liable to fall apart at any given moment. The ground can cave in at any time and the sky is falling down to crush her. All the time. She's paranoid to the point of not trusting the world to continue existing. It isn’t something she can fix- there is something deeply wrong with there and there’s nothing she can do about it.

Kasuars react to fear with engagement and therefore violence. engaging via violence is control in a helplessly uncontrollable universe. It’s the only way they can exercise power between being the at the bottom ranks of the Eusan hierarchy and fodder in war. This is why Cricket is one of the most deadly kasuars one can ever find. She’s constantly trying to attain control- something she’s never felt nor understood. She’s strong, she’s fast, and she won’t blink while she tears her enemies limb from limb barehanded. She doesn’t die since she’s already in a constant state of clinging to reality and life. What’s the difference between convincing yourself the ground you’re standing on will keep holding you up and opening your ribcage just to remove shrapnel? The same way one in constant pain won’t notice another wound- Cricket can’t tell the difference between active life-and-death situations and just trying to stay even slightly stable while standing still. She’s in a constant state of adrenaline and fight-flight-freeze, only she's to never freeze nor fly. She's every single thing kasuars hate about themselves packed into weak mass-produced flesh protected only by a recycled shell: Scared, paranoid, insecure, angry, and helpless.

This leaves her in an even worse predicament. She’s commended for surviving against all odds and being a demonic killing machine that can destroy entire squads of soldiers on its own. Can’t slow it, can’t kill it, can’t stop it. Cricket is everything anyone wants from a soldier. Even if she could be helped, she wouldn’t be.

By some sort of miracle she has Jensen.- Someone who actually manages to help. Even if just for a moment, Cricket gets held and can breathe easier. Jensen holds her hand and tells her she's safe, but she can’t ever get Cricket to be fully comfortable. How do you make someone feel safe when they’ve never trusted the very earth to stay stable a day in her life? 

[acmee-arts]

hmmn those LO teirlists ive been seeing lately tell me a lot about people based on where they a; rank xaria and monty, and b; rank william

i was just doing tags but too many so like idk rambling; ( SIDE NOTE PLEASE KNOW IM ONLY SPEAKING FROM ONE POV AND ITS ONLY ONE THOUGHT PROCESS, if there's issue, i did not consider that - i would love to hear your thoughts!)

Xaria and Monty :

It's funny - but also frustrating because i do always forget a majority of players hate Xaria immensely, and it makes me... sad (atm not fully addressing how people say 'i hate monty and xaria' but only direct hate towards xaria and forget monty's there, that's for an essay)

Explanation though is Monty and Xaria tell me where people's tolerance is for characters who act singularly independent of the player and actively offer pushback on said player, instead of falling at your feet and having feminine caretaker qualities to agree w/ Xaria's character

preface reminder; the rat baby thing WAS an accident after all, because she dropped a whole stack of dishes and it scared her and yatta yatta Frankie plans to give you more choice about that.. because he doesn't want rat baby to feel helpless in that situation. Either way, not to say all girl characters in the game are caretakers that'd be insane, do not take it that way, it's basically from my pov I saw most people favor multiple woman characters only after they started acting in a caretaking role for rat baby or needed you to step in to fix a situation

(not regarding the select few who enjoyed them from the get-go, youre real for that) Sidenote, if people happen to dislike them - they label them as teens for some reason? even though frankie said they're collage-aged adults, but hm. - Xaria does have hints atm of not being all bad in black, she's very guarded, abrasive, but she isn't evil. flat out, it's just hard to get along with someone who's struggling in an apocalyptic environment that doesn't have your personal health in mind first thing. Sam is still a stranger, of course she'd be taking care of - and siding with - the other person she's joined by the hip with (Monty). Yes, absolutely fine to say you don't get along w/ her, but her and Monty offers a sort of rock parting the river type thing, narratively. It's part of the world, the environment, you wouldn't say the rock needs to be removed - you'd see it as just another thing to pass by, and sometimes you can benefit from what view of the river it gives you.

idk im just pondering i suppose

-----

William :

Now William is someone that i often see people forget about, he's just a door encounter that serves to interact with the player - adding variety, basically. but his character is a little more than that to me

if you don't forget him, he's also ranked extremely low a lot? and in some cases, hated on, which is a little confusing sometimes, since his character serves to tap into the player's willingness to offer medical supplies for simple generosity . he comes to your door, either burned, wounded, shivering + coughing, bruised, gashed, etc.

he's polite if you decline ("He sighs, propping himself against the wall. After a moment, he limps away."), and even WHEN CURSED, says he doesn't intend to hurt you either - unable to control his own body from attacking

it's not as if he just takes the supplies and leaves, but instead offers you 60$ to 120$ in return while thanking you, and that's that. however, i believe i saw (or might have thought up?) an additional metaphor he takes after, being disabled or chronically ill overall

back on the cursed thing, i personally take that as the metaphor itself - having an affliction you're seeking help for, even with the best intentions it's still harming you, it's you against your own body.

(his sprite shows he's gripping the wrist of the cursed's wrists, as the cursed's claws grip his own wrists in equal measure - however that part of it is still managing to rip his face open. He's both wounded and being attacked by himself more than the player while still seeking help)

-

so, rambling aside i usually just observe people based on these two specifically .. not judging people god no, but it's an insight either way i wrote this on my phone so forgive any spelling errors

[akutasoda]

Hii! I absolutely love your writing!

Could i request dazai (and any other characters if youd like) with an softhearted s/o whos mother is very manipulative and just falls into it like she deep down kinda hates her mother cause her mother has all control of her life whenever shes around her and she has to put on an act of being perfect 24/7 for her mother and she cant even tell her mother that she feels horrible and tired becouse of this cause of the manipulation and she would feel bad for her mother

Im sorry if its confusing or written wrong english isnt my first language!

mother knows best

synopsis - when their s/o has a manipulative mother

includes - dazai, chuuya, nikolai

warnings - gn!reader, reader has a controlling mother, fluff, angst with comfort, hints towards murder, manipulation, wc - 717

a/n: hii! thank you! :) just wanna say if anyone has a similar situation to this please speak up, i know it may seem difficult to do but it helps so much

osamu dazai ★↷

↪he absolutely loved how genuinely kind and sweet you were. he found it hard to believe somebody like you really would date someone like him.

↪he thought it was rather nice that you're mother always reached out to you and checked ok you often. but from around the second time he saw your mother around you he knew something was up.

↪he would catch the very quick tenses and looks of gatred before you put on your best smile and continued being kind. he never said anything because he felt like it wasn't his place to get involved in your family affairs.

↪but he really couldn't help but ask after your mother always seemed to decide what you were doing and when - especially because you became so tired looking.

↪and when he asked you really couldn't help but finally let it all out. all the years of your mother controlling your life, making you feel horrible and how you felt so helpless. all dazai could do was hold you and let you get all your feelings out.

↪he knew a thing about manipulation and so had no issue in stepping in himself and started to remove your mother's control. little by little ridding you of the manipulation from your mother until she could finally leave you alone.

chuuya nakahara ★↷

↪he really felt someone as sweet and kind as you shouldn't end up with someone in his line of work but he'd allow himself as he really loved you.

↪seeing how close you and your mother were made him feel happy for you. he did think it was really sweet and he could only wish for that sort of relationship with family - that was until he started seeing some signs.

↪he started getting an off feeling whenever your mother spoke for you, deciding what you were doing. he started really disliking your mother after seeing how tired you were becoming.

↪he wouldn't hesitate to voice his concerns to you and your mother and hated the fact that she still answered for you. so instead he asked you directly and wanted an answer, he wouldn't want you to be hurt by your own mother.

↪and when you finally let all your feelings go he only offered you his undivided attention and support. he absolutely hated how someone that was your family could do this too you and so would happily intervene.

↪if you allowed him, he would be brutally honest. sparing no sympathy in his words and telling your mother outright to leave you alone and to let you be your own person and wouldn't let up until she got the message.

↪if you didn't allow him, he'd begrudgingly step back. but he'd still oppose your mother very happily and would always make sure that she let up her control of your life slowly and subtly.

nikolai gogol ★↷

↪he thought you were the absolute sweetest. your genuine kindness would be something bew to him and he quickly learnt to happily indulge himself in it. he practically clings to you for affection

↪he also liked how close you were to your mother. he admired that connection to your family and always thought it was sweet. but he very quickly started thinking the opposite.

↪he would note how she always spoke for you and decided what you did. how you always seemed more fake when she was around, which was often, and how sometimes you'd even become tense.

↪he would have no issue in asking about the whole situation but he gathered it was probably sensitive so he would wait to ask you in private. he would listen diligently to your worries and how tired you were.

↪hearing about how your mother controlled you made him quite upset. it really went against his whole desire for freedom and so he'd be willingy to do absolutely anything to help you regain that freedom.

↪if you were fine with it, he'd happily be brutal with it. now i wouldn't go into details but he hasn't exactly got a moral compass and would happily dispose of your mother.

↪but if you disagreed with his methods he'd become more subtle. removing your mother's influence bit by bit until you could completely remove her influence over your entire life.

[pumpkin321xxx]

hi darling! ^^

may i be allowed to request a sigma x reader from you? very onbrand for me

i was thinking about a reader that has some sort of accident and because of this got amnesia shortly before she met sigma.

sigma as someone who also has the problem of not recalling his past at all and now feels finally close and understood by someone. of how it feels at the start like you're trapped in someone you don't know and how it's such a helpless feeling.

y/n as someone with an actual past might talk about that it feels like she's finding out more about someone but not her since those hobbies she apparenrly had require it to be a skill that you get so she can't return to those but only feel like she has only worsend in every aspect. maybe she also doesn't feel home. yes there are these kind people but she doesn't recognize their faces and it's a scary feeling that if anyone would walk up to her and say "i'm your old bestie!" she'd have no way to tell if it was right or not. so she feels like she's somehow missplaced.

for this she's trying out many hobbys now - maybe she went to the sky casino to try out if such games would be something she likes. or any other reason on how sigma and her could meet

now both of them have a comfort person with a slightly similar issue

amnesia can make that the memory consists of snippets of events, emotions, visuals but not a continuous story and to somwtimes remember new things suddently

so in short amnesia y/n x sigma - my whole rambling was only to get the idea but if you want to do it diffrently it's alright love like if they already knew each other or not

i hope you'll have a lovely day my darling and have eaten enough kisses your cheek

love you!<3

Sure pookster! I think is a bit different but I hope you like it ^^! (I tried okay? sob)

Sigma x Amnesia!reader

contents: Fluff, comfort

Sigma drew out a heavy sigh as he was done for the day—the packed schedule kept him away from you for such a long time but now that he had some time to spare, he swiftly walked in toward his office, to find you curiously staring at the photos of yourself with everyone. 

“How’s the progress?” His voice snapped you out of the thoughts, you looked up to him again and shook your head. That answer was to be expected, it takes time to recall memories, especially after a severe head trauma from a horrifying accident—it will take a lot of time to recall everything. 

It was surprising to him that you survived, yet you were left with broken bones and amnesia. After spending money on his employee, of course you should be fine from the top-quality treatment. 

The moment when you gained conscious and were hit with sudden confusion and panic, it was heartbreaking for him to be asked about everything. The sudden realization about your situation—God he could relate to it, the confusion, the anxiety and the lack of trust. 

Sigma knew very well how it feels but not to much degree since he never had the past—but you on the other hand, had a past and he couldn’t imagine losing the self of identity someone had made due to years of effort. 

It was a month ago yet he could still remember the distrustful look you held when he walked in to your view, those eyes that looks at the threat, watching their every move and strategize the escape. God, he hated it. 

He wanted to prove himself that he was no threat and reassure you about your safety, but who could he blame? He knew that feeling all too well and he knew talking to you might make it worse, albeit, he could give it a try, right? 

A small talk about your daily life reassured you somehow and here you are in his office, giving your best to recall everything. 

No deny that it overwhelmed you—you were desperate to learn about yourself but no use. You can't recall it no matter what. The only thing you have learned so far was about the casino manager, the employees and everyone except for yourself. 

Your lips quivered, begging to spill out your thoughts as your shaky irises were staring right at Sigma, trying yet again to remember something about yourself—anything. Just anything. 

Sigma picked on the stare he’s receiving and stepped up to you, concern was the first that popped up in mind and to immediately check on you. “What’s wrong?” He asked, making sure to keep his voice low and soft. 

You took a moment to reply, sucking in a deep breath and finally you spoke. “Do you perhaps know something about me?” 

“Of course, I-” 

“My life outside casino perhaps?” You voice cut him off and now it was his turn to stay silent. 

“All I knew was this casino, and the staff in it. But what about my life outside of here? Where I was just a normal person living out there and not gambling with the customers. Do you perhaps know?” 

The pleading tone in your voice along with the hopeful yet desperate look was enough to keep him silent. He could just make up a lie and let you live with it, you have amnesia, right? 

However, he couldn’t bring himself to do that. Life is precious and so are its memories—and he knew that all well from his life before being a manager. 

Lying and making up a fictional life for you was like betraying you since you dependent on him for answers about yourself, everything that had at least a small role in your life. 

“I even forgot my skills in here as a gambler... I... I-I don't know what to do at this point.” Burning tears formed in your eyes and you couldn’t hold your head up bravely, hanging it low to avoid his concerned look and hope for the heaviness to ease off. 

“Everything is foreign and all I can do is just accept it, knowing I am vulnerable to you...” You paused, unsure to continue further but decided against it. Feeling the weight sinking down next to you on the couch. 

“I sure do understand the confusion, the lost part of you that you’re so desperate for.”  You slowly lifted your head up to meet his eyes that were looking back with concern. 

It took him a moment, and it was a quandary moment. He can't think of a way to comfort you—this case was far too familiar but maybe, he should share his case and hope it would comfort you and help you relate to someone at least. 

As a manager, he always cared for his employees. Getting along with them helped him a lot—he was able to get their trust and efficiently lead them through the work. Any disasters and their employees would always be backed up by him, taking the responsibility to stay firm on the ground and deal with it right away. This also includes their well-being. 

And you weren’t a different case either. Sigma always looked after you after the accident, ensuring a smooth recovery. Though, looking at your current self, he felt as if he had failed in aspects of mental health. 

He was thinking for a moment to think of a way to let you know it's not an end. “I can’t recall my past either...” Sigma paused, letting those words sink in. You tensed at the sudden reveal—it was literally unexpected that someone who was ‘born’ to be a manager suffers from amnesia. 

Someone who had managed the casino so well, the one who would make everything seem easy and comfortable for the employees whenever he walked in... 

“Casino was all I ever had...” 

You were snapped out of your thoughts as he continued and you listened intently and curiously. “However, it didn't stop me from accepting the new life—that this is my home from now on, everyone here is like a family to me. I'm still on guard around people, who to trust and who to stay away from.” 

“So, I do understand your feelings, however, I am at ease that at the very least, you are safe from awful people. That much I can assure you, alright?” He flashed you a smile, and you never felt so understood by him. 

Forcing out a surprised chuckle to shake yourself out of the shock, you nod a bit. “It is comforting, really.”  

“And having amnesia won't mean everything is over. It is a second chance for you, relive the moments and memories you lost. New experiences are everything, do you know?” 

You chuckled more at his words, finding them a bit cheesy but hey? At least you two find something in common and this meant you can really count on him for anything. 

Sigma on the other hand was relieved to see you crack a smile and get comfortable around him, praising himself a bit even though he felt a bit awkward getting personal at the risk of breaking his professionalism as your manager. 

“I am glad I have someone to count on, and you’re right on the experience part! I maybe struggling to acquire skills in here but the experiences make up for it.” 

"Right." Sigma smiled, happy to see his employee finally content.

[hwnglx]

how do karina and lee jaewook feel about each other/their relationship now? i feel so bad for all the hate they got :(

i always chose formats according to my intuition and how much they're allowing me tell, this is what they were comfortable with 🤍

how do they feel about each other? karina + jaewook

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

how does jaewook feel towards karina? 9osw, paow, 8ow&mo, know, paosw

he's very sorry. he dislikes how things ended, often finds himself wondering if he could've done better or what he could've done differently. a lot of self blaming. he might be finding it hard to contact her at this point in time, and there seems to still be a lot of frustration and leftover passion pent in up in him.

i can wholeheartedly say that this man liked and still likes karina a lot, and he seems like a very decent guy with good intentions. i often hesitate believing idols when they claim they split because of the public, but i do think this was mostly due to all the negative attention and gossiping. not only does jaewook think it's ridiculous that people have so many opinions on a matter that should be only private to them, but the fact that it actually had a true impact on their connection bothers him a lot. he believes it didn't have to end this way and still finds himself wondering how their relationship could've continued to play out. jaewook definitely still watches karina and is keeping a careful eye on her.

how does karina feel towards jaewook? 8osw, 6op, 4op, acop, 9ow

(she told me more about her feelings about the situation)

karina felt very powerless and helpless in the situation. she has very people-pleasing tendencies, in a way where she hates the thought of people experiencing any sort of harm because of her. i can say with full honesty, that she actually did care about what the public thinks and says, and wanted to do her best to make sure she doesn't lose her grip on the fanbase she's been able to build so far.

she wishes she could've satisfied both parties, but there's also a side of her thinking it was probably delusional of her to think both her relationship with jaewook and with her fans could've coexisted in harmony. in the end, her career had to come first. it just wasn't worth to keep going, she didn't feel comfortable continuing with the risk of putting the career she's worked on developing for many years in jeopardy, just because of her personal life. she just isn't gonna be doing that for a man. he for sure was more emotionally attached, and liked her more.

i can say, that this situation has definitely made her put her guard up, and be much more careful about the things she choses to disclose to the public. she's very sweet and truly cares about her fanbase (tbh, one of the few idols i felt genuine love for their fans from) but she realized they can be kinda reckless and selfish in many ways.

[kkbardd]

so uhh i got summoned to asurei court, if anyone's interested in my testimony papers, theyre down below the cut. (aka my whole take on how i believe their dynamic would develop in cannon)

asurei isn’t for everyone & its whole point is unhealthy dependence.. toxic yuri if u will.. anything resembling a healthy relationship would only be in one of the alt universes created by the 3rd impact 💀 rei and asuka both have what the other wants (whether it be the worth asuka puts on recognition of piloting skills or rei's desire to break from mindless obedience like asuka seems to do so easily.) They both hate and admire each other for this, and asuka specifically expresses this by lashing out at rei. asuka's whole relationship w lesbian comphet plays a HUGE role into all of this but let’s gloss over it for the time being. (now, with asurei u gotta get a bit delusional cuz cannon doesn’t give us much so from here on out is just my opinion on how it'd play out.)

in terms of rei's POV in this:

rei hates the attention they gets from men, and is especially disgusted by gendo's fake kindness. he sees rei as a replaceable doll and pushes yui's image on them. gendo has never actually seen rei for who they really are, and rei later begins to hate and despise not only gendo but themselves too. in the anime, rei is shown to have self destructive tendencies & suicidal ideation because not only are they constantly being replaced & having their memory wiped, but each time they forget any sort of emotion that they learn in the meantime. recall the scene in which rei, right after being "revived" and left with no memory, sees gendo's glasses. although they cant remember anything, its hinted that their "soul" still remembers and hates him. rei tries to break the glasses but in the end, they’re still unable to defy and break free from their situation. feeling frustrated and helpless, rei starts crying & remarks how this should be the first time they've experienced it but somehow it feels like its not. back to the present, reis acting very reckless in battle and basically using themselves as a meat shield. they're so full of self-hate, and seeing asuka's obvious inferiority to them just upsets them even more. why does she put so much worth on the one thing that acts like a plague to them? compared to these pointless test results on a screen, asuka has something so much more valuable. the ability to think for themselves, to not be someone's doll. asuka's inferiority is almost insulting. rei verbally lashes out at asuka in the elevator, showing defiance that they never knew they could produce. it felt almost liberating. they find that being around asuka gives them emotions that they've always longed for, no matter how ugly they may be. they soon find themselves seeking asuka out, and the inferiority that was once insulting became a means to control and keep her close. asuka, someone who was seemingly invincible and can roam free without care, has one weakness that causes her to crack and shatter from the slightest touch. and that weakness is none other than rei themselves. rei becomes possessive in a way that they've never known possible. so much so that a part of them starts to hate themselves, fearing they've become just like their abuser gendo. nonetheless, rei begins to value their life more. they become deathly afraid of dying & being replaced by some mindless clone that has forgotten everything they now know about asuka and themself.

now what is asuka doing in all of this?

asuka deals with a lot of comphet and its an integral part of her character, so much so that it doesn’t seem right to not mention it. but to quickly summarize, because of this she has a love-hate relationship with attention from men. she feels disgusted by it but gets extremely jealous when it seems like another girl might replace her. then comes rei. (now what most ppl don’t seem to notice is asuka didnt start off hating rei, she tried to be friends but ever since the beginning misato has ALWYAYS pitted them against each other. this of course led asuka to feeling threatened & seeing rei as an enemy. especially since it involves piloting ability, something that asuka sees as her whole point of living.) she begins to hate her because how can someone who is so good at piloting be so brainless and doll-like. that’s exactly what asuka was trying so hard to not become! in this aspect, rei's entire existence defies what asuka has tried so hard to believe in up to this point. her hate & inferiority towards rei is only made worse when she sees that they're not only being objectified by men, but are seemingly unbothered by it unlike asuka. rei is now constantly on her mind, and asuka starts to realize that what she's feeling towards them isn’t just hate. its around the time of the elevator scene that these confusing emotions and inferiorities are at their peak. right after this, asuka goes into battle & is ordered to be rei's backup. she defies this order but receives a mental attack from an angel that causes her to re-live all of her trauma & comphet issues. the person that saved her from this is none other than rei. at this point asuka is at an all-time low, and states that she'd rather be left for dead than saved by someone like rei. she’s still confused by her feelings towards rei, but right now her hatred and insecurity is taking priority. its right after this battle that her synchro rates plummet and she loses the #1 thing she based her life worth on. she then goes out to die in an abandoned building but is eventually retrieved by NERV. I believe that during this time alone, she’s also wallowing in her feelings for rei and coming to terms with a lot of comphet stuff, especially after that psychological attack. right after this the world like ends or whatever but lets forget that for now & extend time cuz the gays need it 🥰 .

rei and asuka at this point realize their feelings in one way or another, and there's a lot of tension in their conversations. asuka is at a very fragile point rn bc of all the stuff that just went on, and rei is unsure how to go about things, half due to their inexperience & half due to their fear of becoming like gendo. however, asuka realizes rei is acting different from before, and advances on them as a way of lashing out. but to her surprise rei is undefiant and actually willingly helpless in her hands. she feels a rush of superiority and is amused by how inexperienced rei is. she also realizes that unlike her previous experiences with men (like when she tried to kiss shinji but didnt want to see, smell, taste, or even feel it & had a mental breakdown afterwards lol ) she actually likes it!? the romantic/sexual affirmation that asuka has always wanted from men like kaji is being fulfilled by rei in a way that asuka feels completely in control & comfortable. she's not forcing herself or being objectified, but rather is taking the lead. this is something she never imagined possible before. and all of this is with rei to boot! the rei that, in asuka's eyes, has always looked down on her and been unobtainable is now melting in her hands like putty. there’s a sense of accomplishment she feels, which makes her want to push rei even more. she finally has authority and to make herself feel better, she takes it out on rei through advances like this. she goes further and further, and in an ironic way, uses intimacy as a form of self-harm. she feels shame and despises herself for doing such things with ill-intent, and with another woman at that. its a toxic relationship that tries to fill the hole in her heart, but only leads to a bigger one forming.

when asuka first advanced onto rei, they felt something unlike anything before. unlike when gendo would often touch their shoulder, rei didnt recoil from asuka's touch. rei also felt something similar to asuka, in that the person who always seemed unbound by anything in now giving them her undivided attention. the fact that this came from an act of anger didnt really bother rei, since they knew from the beginning that was one of the only ways to get asuka to even spare them a glance. rei would gladly become hated if it meant binding asuka to them. in a mix of touch-starvedness & unhealthy dependency on asuka, rei kept looking forward to any interacting with asuka, since it was what really made them feel alive. asuka slowly becomes rei's world and meaning for living, but they eventually realize that causes a great insecurity. asuka is independent and can go anywhere she wants if she feels like it. from rei's pov, asuka desperately wants attention from men, something that rei could never give her. rei's afraid that asuka will leave them, & to tie asuka down they play the role of a villain. rei keeps asuka feeling insecure by becoming what asuka envisioned them as, and slowly starts hacking away at asuka's Achille's heel. rei desperately uses the short time that asuka has given them to engrain themself into her, so much so that asuka would be nothing without them. rei cannot let asuka realize her worth for fear that she would leave them. rei notices that asuka enjoys seeing them helpless and plays the part, almost like a honeytrap. slowly tho I believe that rei starts to take control of the relationship in hopes of making asuka dependent on them.

Asurei is in no way a wholesome relationship, and ik that’s not for everyone.. my vision of a happy end for them would be both of them becoming comfortable in their relationship and finding that the actions they once used to express hatred for themselves and each other is now slowly becoming fueled by love and desire for each other. They form a very unhealthy co-dependence on each other, but for them it works. They cant envision a world without the other in it.

[mizukagami-takamagahara]

Annon-Guy: What are your thoughts on Rachel Alucard and Mei Amanohokosaka as characters?

I'm asking because Tsundere type characters being devisive, with Harsh Tsunderes being hated for being "abusive" girls that deserve to die for attacking physically and/or verbally.(whether they're in love or not)

It's apparent that we Western Fans (no offense to you) don't view them the way Japanese Fans do.

It is interesting how widely JP and Western tastes differ! I have a buddy who is really into studying fandom culture, and we’ve talked about the wildly different reactions to tsundere between the cultures! I wonder if I should call her in sometime to discuss why that is…

Anyways, personally I have no problem with the archetype. Sometimes they can annoy me, especially if they feel ‘forced’ into their archetype; if the character seems mean for “absolutely no reason,” to the point where it breaks my immersion, then I tend to dislike them.

I’ve never had this issue with BlazBlue, though. I really, really like BlazBlue’s character writing. I’d still say that if I ever met these girls in real life, I probably wouldn’t want to go drinking with them… but as characters in their stories, and as believable products of their environments, I adore them!!

- - - - RACHEL = ALUCARD

Rachel is SUCH a tragic fucking character. You can like or dislike how she’s coping with it, but if you engage with her character on any meaningful level, you have to acknowledge that her cruel, jaded behavior is a believable response to the situation she’s in. It’s not nice, it’s not pretty- neither is the life she’s trapped in. In what world has trauma or helplessness ever made us prettier, cleaner people?

She’s cold, distant, unempathetic- because if she lets herself remember how much she cares, the weight of it all might break her. She’s incredibly sensitive under that cold porcelain shell; she snaps into aggression very quickly when under pressure. Specifically when confronted things that she hasn’t been able to distance herself from, things she cares too much about to feign distant superiority.

- - - - MEI = AMANOHOKOSAKA

Powerlessness is something of a through-line among the tsundere characters in BB. Mei is also a character struggling with powerlessness, pain, and fear; and she responds to her situation n a lot of the same ways Rachel does.

To avoid feeling weak or trapped, she falls back on her lineage, seeking escape in her sense of pride. She’d rather tell everyone (including herself) that she’s separate and above everything around her. The alternative would require her to face the horrible truth that if she did try to seek comfort or companionship under her employment (servitude, extortion, etc.) to Unomaru, she would be denied it.

Her fear turns to aggression when backed into a corner, when her mask of aloof superiority can no longer protect her. In these cases, she can be explosively emotional; which isn’t at all surprising, considering how much she’s bottling up all the time.

Thinking about it a little, Rachel and Mei share a few more parallels, don’t they??? They both get very quiet when they let down their walls, reflecting the exhaustion they suffer from. They’re both in a uniquely knowledgeable position, with access to information about the world that most people don’t have, which further serves to alienate them- and creates this sort of “being the world’s protector” feeling I’d argue they both express.

They both lost their parents incredibly young, inheriting positions of nobility, leadership, and responsibility they were certainly not prepared for. They both keep going in the hope that a specific man in their lives will one day be able to have a future.

Their designs share several elements too. A delicate, doll-like feel to their features. Long straight hair that veils them from the world (despite Rachel tying hers up) and, in JP media, often symbolizes spiritualism and divinity. They both wear lolita fashion, with many layers that could also be argued to ‘shield’ them from the rest of the world, providing a form of mental armor and obscuring how small and fragile they are under it all.

I doubt these similarities are coincidence.

[horizon-verizon]

What do Daemon and the Blackwoods, in canon, have in common?

1) They are cool characters

2) They are loyal to Rhaenyra

So,it doesn't come as a surprise that Condal hates their guts and will do whatever it takes to demonize them. Its pathetic losers like Aemond and the Brackens for whom his heart bleeds. They might throw in Alysanne Blackwood later, after erasing her moment in the Battle of the Burning Mill, to whine about how the men in her family are evil and how she is helpless because Condal and Hess have to put up the facade of feminism.

*EDIT 10/24/24* Daemon was at Harrenhal when the Blackwoods raided several Bracken lands, "despoiled" their septs, and sacked Bracken villages. (Raventree - Blackwoods / Stone Hedge - Brackens)

("The Red Dragon and the Gold")

So it's more than likely that canon!daemon sent the Blackwoods to raid and attack Bracken land, whether he traveled by dragon over/by Stone Hedge to the Blackwoods or by raven. However, no Tully or any Riverlord, went to Harrenhal to accuse Daemon of anything in canon precisely because:

the Blackwoods didn't raid, seemingly, any other house's lands but for their known mortal enemies, the Brackens

the Brackens had already declared their support for Aegon, while the Blackwoods did for Rhaenyra...so yes, Rhaenyra's supporters would attack the Brackens...bc this is a war

several houses had already fought with Daemon against the Brackens as part of his strategy against them

("A Son for a Son"...the chapter before Red Dragon&Gold)

It was not a situation where Daemon willfully decided to have Blackwoods ruin people's lives so he can look good or one where the riverlords saw a huge travesty being done to them. It was warfare.

*END OF EDIT*

Best believe. Imagine they saw past SM posts w/the disdain predicting this sort of thing over & over and in spite they try to make things even worse out of spite?

You know, the BLackwoods being demonized was foreshadowed by the way they made that Bracken feel very threatened by that nonBenjicot fellow as if to say that the Blackwoods collectively have such a trait for Cú Chulainn battle madness that's not even canon Benjiocot's type of battle-mania so much as an ever present bloodthirstiness. Since Benji was only ever "mad" during battle, whereas they suggested the Blackwoods all or most seek out violence and they made the Brackens more reactive to that.

[undressmewithyoureyes]

KING - (SIXTEEN)

**KONIG**

She hasn’t said much to me since our little “incident” in one of my medical rooms. In the west wing of my house, I made the bottom floor my own personal medical operation for situations like this. Also, it makes anyone I decide to bring home and take downstairs easier to clean up. You know, to drag out their purgatory. 

Seeing her sprawled open and helpless for me on the table made me almost lose my control. Made me almost lose my train of thought and ruin what I have in place. Not only is she the most dangerous woman in the world, but she's fucking lethal. She's my poison and I'm her antidote. She just doesn’t know how much we fucking need each other. But she will. 

I wheel her to the east wing of my house - where the “normal” parts of my house is. Where we first brought her. I took her gear and stuff off whenever the second dose of the medicine kicked in and changed her into a pair of black panties and one of my black t shirts. It swallows her and hugs right above her knees. Seeing her in just my t-shirt is making my self control push its limits. She's so goddamn beautiful. 

We stop before the door that leads to the basement. I stand there behind her waiting for her to get up, but all she does is sit there. “Im not carrying you,” I tell her. She's plotting, but I don’t know what she's trying to do just yet. With her, theres no telling. 

“Why?” She says in a tone that seems mocking. “Im hurting.” Yeah, she's got something in mind. Sure, the procedure I had done causes discomfort, but not to the point where she cant walk. 

“You’ve been through worse,” I counter. She huffs as she continues to sit there. “Either you get up on your own,” I say as I bend down and lock the left brake on the wheelchair. “Or I make you get up. You pick,” I finish as I lock the brake on the right. 

Without hesitation, she leaps forwards and runs past me as I'm bent over locking the brakes. A deep growl escapes me from frustration. If she wants a game of cat and mouse, so be it. But she needs to be reminded this is my kingdom and I know our house like the back of my hand. 

She runs of up the stairs and darts left. She's observant since heading left will grant her to the majority of the house. Theres plenty of rooms for sure, but I'm lazy and have cameras set up. But if she wants to play, then by all means I’ll play. 

She disappears out of my sight and I take this opportunity to pull out my phone and click the app to my cameras. She's still running and looking back every so often. She must have some sort of fear of me. Good. 

She takes a right and runs down the long corridor. Theres a few doors that line that hallway, but there’s a door at the very end. She stops there and a grin forms across my face. Even without her knowing this is our house, she somehow found our bedroom. 

My dick strains against the zipper of my pants as I watch her walk into the room and stop. Its big, just like me and everything that surrounds me. I hate to feel confined, but will gladly fall to my knees and surrender to feel her walls wrap tightly around my hard dick. 

I take in a deep breath and pocket my phone. This is going to be better for me than it is for her. Slowly, I make my way up the stairs - making sure I'm light on my feet. I don’t want her knowing where I am just yet. I follow the path she did and as I get to the hallway where our bedroom lies, I stop. 

The game of cat and mouse has always been my favorite regardless who my prey is. Only thing different, this is a hunger that isn’t going away any time soon. This game, is a game where we will both win, but my Little Devil will find that out soon enough. 

I start walking again, but this time making myself known. I want her to feel me when she cant see me. I want her to tremble knowing I'm coming for her and nothing will stop me from getting to her. I meant what I said to her in the medical room. She will bend to me before I'm done breaking her. 

I reach for the door and throw it open - not stepping in yet. My Little Devil is unpredictable and probably waiting on the other side of the door to slit my throat. I wait and listen for a few seconds. I have a feeling where she is, but I don’t want her knowing it…yet. 

“Liebling,” I say out loud in a mocking tone. Just like the one she gave me earlier. “I can smell you.” She's like a scent I cant get out of my nose. I seen the look in her eyes when I had her pinned down by her throat on the table. It was a look of lust and need. She’ll get what she is craving here soon. 

I continue, “If you come out willingly, I wont be as hard on you.”

I see movement out the corner of my eye to my right. She darts out the closet and heads to the door. Unlucky for her, I was a step ahead. I take a step and wrap my hand around her throat and pull her against me. She writhes and thrashes, but my grip is almost cutting her circulation completely off. 

“Get…the fuck…of me!” She tries to scream, but it comes out hoarse. 

I chuckle, “Go ahead and tire yourself out my Liebling. I have all night.” I can feel her body tense at my words. Her chest heaves up and down as she stops her mania against me, but I can tell she still has fight left. 

I bend down just a bit to get close to her ear, “Thats my good girl.” Her body is betraying her as she leans slightly into me. Its not going to be long. 

I turn her around and the fire in her green eyes match mine. Hunger and lust. A grin forms across my face and I'm thankful she cant see it. I lean down and throw her over my shoulder - holding her legs in place. She starts her grunting and screaming as her fits collide with my back. 

“Do I need to tie you up?” I say with the same mockery tone. 

She tops her pitiful attempt against me and freezes. I chuckle and slap my free hand against her ass as we descend the stairs. A small yelp escapes her, “Don’t fucking touch me,” she snarls. My slap caught her off guard. 

“We’ll see about that in the next few weeks,” I reply back. To my surprise, she doesn’t say anything back. 

We reach the door that heads to the basement and start heading down those stairs. I really should have thought about putting a fucking elevator in here. I hear cackling right before we hit the bottom set of stairs and my ears perk up. Its George.

“Either you shut the fuck up or I do it for you,” I hear Three say. I snort. George must be on a roll today. We walk by his cell as I head for the room she was chain up in and I feel her move against me. Probably to look around. 

“I have nothing else to do,” George says as we walk by, “Might as well and anno-.” He stops mid sentence and rushes to the bars of his cell. “Oh my God. Lillith Drawl.” I freeze and judging by how tense she just got, I'm assuming she did too. 

“You’re a worthless fucking whore,” he says in a low tone. “For someone to kill their mother and attempt to kill their father and his brother, I'm surprised you're still around.” 

I can feel her breathing pick up against me. I turn and look at Three and he is looking at me and then Lillith with a confused look. Three turns to George, “How do you know her?”

George throws his head back and laughs, “She's a fucking plague wherever she goes and it all started in the little town of Eldora, Iowa. Ask her,” George says not taking his eyes off her, “Ask her about her first kill.”

Lillith's breathing is almost erratic. 

“Was it worth it…whore?” George says as he presses his face against the metal bars. 

I laugh. Not the funny laugh, but I'm about to fuck this guy up laugh. I set Lillith down and she has a blank look on her face. Fuck. She's disassociating. “Three,” I call. 

Without hesitation, he’s over to us as George rambles on about this new information were being informed of. He gives me a nod and wraps his arms around her shoulders in a hug. Her arms never move and stay by her side. Whatever this fucker said, got to her good. 

I grab the key to the cell George is in out of my pocket and unlock it. He takes a few steps back and I immediately grab him by his throat. “You think you can come in my house and call my girl any name you like?”

Georges face is turning beet red from lack of oxygen. “I was always taught, if you don’t have anything nice to say,” I say as I reach my free hand into the pocket of my pants and pull out my knife. “Then you shouldn’t say it at all.”

I push George back against the wall and remove my hand from his neck and move it to the sides of his jaw and squeeze. The pressure makes his open his mouth and I reach in with my other hand thats holding my knife and grab his tongue. I let go of his jaws and before he has time to react and stab the blade of my knife in the center of his tongue. 

George screams as blood runs down my blade and onto the hilt of my knife. I slide the blade slowly to the right - cutting through his disgusting muscle. The blade works through and now his tongue is hanging halfway. We still have the left to get rid of. Tears stream down his face as his body trembles against the wall. If I heard correctly, he tried to say a few “sorry’s”, but there is no going back after that. 

I grab the rest of his hanging tongue and rip the rest off. His scream goes silent as his body slides against the wall and he slumps to the floor. He’s not dead…yet, but as I promised myself, this is a gift for her and it seems shit got personal. Great for her - but a shit day for him. 

I turn and exit the cell - locking it behind me. Three is still there holding her. I did that so she wouldn’t fall and hit herself. She's definitely experiencing PTSD and the last thing I need is her blacking out and hurting herself. Plus I trust Three and he knows his limits. 

“What do you want to do with her?” Three asks. 

I take in a deep breath, “I’ll get the chains set back up and we can start with her in the morning.” 

My body is vibrating. Tomorrow cant get here fast enough. 

[iusedtoweavecrowns]

Personal life rant

Gonna write it here into the digital void so maybe it'll let me sleep easier but I'm feeling so bad and guilty rn because I've been visiting a foreign country for two weeks and one of the people I know and love from when I was here 10 years ago is in the hospital but I didn't manage to brave up to go visit her there.

She has severe dementia and it's unclear if she remembers and recognises people but I'm now struck with the thought of what if she does remember inside and would have liked to see me but I didn't go because I was too scared to talk to her husband and ask him to take me (I couldn't go alone) 😭😭😭😭😭😭 And not because he's scary but because I find it scary to talk to people when I don't have a scenario and because inviting myself into a personal moment feels Rude and Like I Shouldn't Do It (he's so angry and sad as you can imagine)(I struggle with inviting myself into other people's spaces and company, I keep feeling like if they want me there they would invite me themselves)(I did say in a convo that I'd be interested in going and waited for some sign)(maybe I looked shifty?) and I don't feel significant enough because I'm just someone who was here years and years ago for a bit and later exchanged a few birthday wishes on facebook.

Also I guess I'm scared to see her changed from how I remember her? And being in a situation for which I have no reference (what do people do on hospital visits? I've been very lucky in that I've never been there). In a way I prefer remembering the past I guess. So I didn't like try super hard? Didn't put in the effort to force myself into a situation where I'd write him (I need to create some sort of situation to overcome the fear for a moment) and I kept hoping he or one of our mutual friends would just kind of go we are going to visit her, come along. But no one did. And it's probably too much to expect of a grieving man to plan for me? I'm not sure he wanted to take care of me while on a trip to take care of his wife yk? But I fear that he hates me for not going? Or that I was unclear about when I'm leaving so what if he was thinking there was still loads of time? So now I feel Schroedinger's Rudeness for simultaneously wanting to force myself into a personal situation, not wanting to do it, and expecting someone else to do it for me. All the while I think I could forgive this (I am insignificant compared to all the other friends and family) if I hadn't had the thought that what if she's been waiting - I know her husband told her I'm here - and I've been just... letting time go past. Idk idk idk. Telling myself that she is a very kind woman who would understand and forgive me if I could tell her this is not helping.

Praying crying etc. Thought kebab turning in my head to the tune of being a despicable human being and everyone hating me now (what if all the people I know here will never forgive me this cowardice) and her being sad(der) in this already sad situation. I would call my mum to vent to her and hope she says she still loves me but she is much more close to the family (she's been here yearly) and spent her last visits sitting by her bedside so I can add the worry that she will be upset with me to the pile.

We are all helpless but I have made myself extra helpless 😫

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Chapter 33

Sadly just a short one but I wanted to give you an update... hope you'll like it...

30th December 1995

"Do I still have to call the Princes 'Your Royal Highness' now? And what about the Queen Mother? Do I still have to curtsy and say Your Majesty?' Will we see the Queen and Prince Philip, too?", Thea bubbled in the back of the car and Camilla rolled her eyes. After her little girl had overcome the first shock about the news that none other than The Prince of Wales - Sir, as she still called him - was her biological father, she had also begun to realise what that meant concerning other familial connections, that she had two brothers who were Princes, that her grandmother was the Queen, and the Queen Mother, with whom she'd always shared a special sort of friendship as the two of them shared a birthday on August 4th, her great-grandmother. She had also realised very quickly that her godmother "Auntie Anne" really was her actual aunt and Peter and Zara were her cousins, and she obviously had so many questions and things on her little mind that sometimes Camilla didn't know what to say anymore. She just hoped they'd finally get back to some kind of normality in the new year 1996 and, perhaps, the days at Birkhall with all of them would help as well.

Following his statement regarding his acknowledgement of Thea as his child, Charles had privately hired a security service to take care of her and Camilla for the foreseeable future and she had to admit that it did make her feel better, at least more secure and therefore relaxed, not as helpless and frightened anymore, and that was good. The plan was also for Thea to get back to school again after Christmas break and, though there'd be security looking after her, at least until the situation would have calmed down, she hoped for her to be able to go on with her life and her friends as normal as possible. In fact, not even Peter and Zara had security at school, actually, it was a privilege that only the most senior members of the Royal Family had (though Camilla wasn't sure whether "privilege" really was the right expression…), but in their situation, with all of the uncertainty and the hate and attacks she had been suffering, they had decided that it was too risky to send their daughter back to school without any protection, and Charles funded it through his own, private income.

"Mummy???", Thea firmly interrupted her thoughts and Camilla shrugged her shoulders. "We've talked about this, darling.", she reminded her daughter. "You will be a good girl and behave exactly like you've always done unless somebody invites you to do otherwise." That was just what they needed, Thea enthusiastically jumping into the Queen Mother's arms, greeting her "Hi great-granny!", or something, no, no, no. It was best to be as decent, polite and unobtrusive as possible. Laura had already gone up to Scotland together with Peter and some of their cricket friends a few days earlier and they'd all met up there, so it was just the two of them driving all the way to the north and she couldn't wait to be in Charles' arms again soon. They hadn't seen each other until some time before Christmas, they yet had to exchange presents and generally, her heart just ached for him. It had been a hell of a year, especially the last few weeks really had taken their toll on her and she longed for nothing more than some peaceful and quiet hours with the love of her life - and their children. That thought almost made her heart stumble, though she was still a bit anxious about meeting William and Harry after Diana's revelations, but at least they didn't have to hide anymore and she just hoped the boys and Thea would get along and that whatever had happened between their parents wouldn't affect their relationship.

"Good afternoon Mrs Parker Bowles.", one of the Queen Mother's equerries welcomed her charmingly as they finally arrived at Birkhall just before twilight, and bowed deeply, first to her and then to Thea, politely adding: "Good afternoon, Ms Theodora." "Good afternoon, Steve!", the two of them greeted him, almost unisono and laughed. "Her Majesty The Queen Mother is looking forward to welcoming you both in the Drawing room.", he added and for a moment Camilla winced, looking at him insecurely. DearnGod, that had not been announced and she wasn't dressed for such a meeting now, looking all shaggy in her jeans and sweater, her hair and makeup (or rather: the unidentifiable something that was still remaining of it) an absolute mess after the almost 10 hours journey… all that she wanted was to refresh herself and change into some more festive clothes before she'd meet with anyone, let alone Charles' grandmother! The old lady would probably send her away if she saw her like that… Mortifiedly, she followed the equerry inside of the house and through a few rooms until they eventually reached the drawing room, where the Queen Mother was sitting on a chaise lounge, enjoying a slice of cake, a cup of tea and something stronger, and smiled in delight as she caught sight of them. "Your Majesty…", Camilla greeted her, performing a deep curtsy, her eyes fixed on the floor. She felt ashamed about her appearance but, thank goodness, and actually not really surprising, the old lady didn't care at all. "Camilla, my dear, it's so nice to see you!", she cheered, kissing her cheeks, before bending over to Thea, who, like her mother, performed an elegant curtsy in front of the royal and politely greeted her: "Good afternoon, Your Majesty!", which made the old lady laugh. "Good girl, Theodora!", she praised her, appreciatively patting her back. "But I'd say Great-Granny is more fitting now, don't you agree?" Camilla almost got a heart attack as this was basically the scenario she had been afraid of - but the Queen Mother smiled at her so kindly and heartfeltly that it didn't even feel weird or wrong anymore as she warmly pulled the little girl into her arms. Camilla wiped a few tears away as she suddenly felt two strong hands, tightly but tenderly grabbing her shoulders, gently turning her around, pulling her close, before just as sudden, two lips found hers and kissed her so passionately, that she almost felt like fainting. "Darling…!", she gasped breathlessly, looking at him in pure love and astonishment, the Prince's eyes equally filled with adoration for his love. "Darling.", he replied, gently kissing her cheek. "You're home."

[hypergamiss]

I wish this was talked about more in this part of tumblr, but any resources discussing birth control? Today I spoke with a girl who has gained an ungodly amount of weight since starting birth control 3 years ago (depo shot). She showed me her “before” picture and I was shocked. We’re talking a 175+ lb weight gain.

I had a similar experience when I briefly tried it for a year and a half. I only gained 40 pounds and it quickly fell off the moment I stopped taking it. Once I realized what was happening, I quickly stopped taking it. I was basically malnourished trying to maintain a healthy body and avoid the weight gain but nothing worked.

The men I’ve been with, never feel comfortable that I’m not on anything. When I explain why, they always say, “I won’t care if you gain weight” and we all know that’s bullshit. The girl I talked to today, said that her ex broke up with her because he didn’t like how much weight she had gained since starting BC so that she could have sex with him 🙄

I hate how women have to sacrifice so much of their comfort and health in order to accommodate men. It’s like we lose no matter what we do. Whether it’s the pill, shot, patch, arm implant, etc, there’s going to be some sort of discomfort and I hate it. I know another girl who did the vaginal implant and she passed out on the drive back because she was in so much pain.

I wish this was talked about more as well and I 100% agree with your feelings.

I think it’s important for us women to only entertain men who genuinely care about our well-being and are empathetic towards the things we go through as women. I've never been with a guy who didn't try to comfort me while dealing with my cycle or anything related to my womb.

In my last relationship, I was on regular bc and we still had a pregnancy scare so we mutually decided to try an IUD after that. It turned out to be uncomfortable as well and he even said he could feel it during intercourse. There were times when I was in so much pain he would shed a couple of tears with me and he said it was because he felt helpless and he felt like he couldn’t do anything about it but watch me be in pain. On top of that, my libido was very low and I stopped having sex with him. He was really mature about it and brought it up in conversation and expressed how he was frustrated because we weren't being intimate and we couldn't understand why. I knew I loved him and found him attractive (he literally looked like a fitness model) but I thought something was wrong with me (it was because of bc). During this time I started to switch my healthcare providers so my new OBGYN was in a different country outside of the U.S. and that really changed things for me. This doctor took a more holistic approach and we decided to take the IUD out. We got my cycle back to regular and decided to track my fertile days to prevent pregnancy with a combination of using spermicide. That worked perfectly fine and it was the best method for my situation (everyone has unique experiences).

Present day I just don't plan on being intimate with anyone I wouldn't marry or see as a potential father figure for my future children.

"The men I’ve been with, never feel comfortable that I’m not on anything. When I explain why, they always say, “I won’t care if you gain weight” and we all know that’s bullshit."

In my opinion, if a man is not open to having a full-blown discussion over something as critical as bc and even doing his own research, it would be a red flag for me. There are men out there who are willing to take your concerns seriously and not make you feel hopeless and alone. I never went to any of my doctor appointments alone and at one point my partner was more knowledgeable than me about the different options available and asked my doctor more questions than me. Of course, they are driven because they want to be intimate but it definitely feels like they genuinely care just as much when they are like this.