#she feels very helpless in this sort of situation and hates it!!

[fatelcved]

@starpoacher gets a lil something bc what was supposed to be an interrupted kiss turned into chiyo getting emotional and baring her heart to seth <3

she's cross with him. he's protected her time and again from-- from whatever it is exactly that he does on the side. and she's grateful, more than she can possibly say in a manner that doesn't feel cheesy or insincere. but she's mad, too. she's mad that seth doesn't lean on her more, that she's in the dark, a little mad that he kept it all a secret in the first place. chiyo hates secrets, as hypocritical of her that is.

yet she can't really blame him for any of it, can she? it isn't fair of her, she knows. it's for her own good that she doesn't know much; how can he lean on her if he can't talk about what he's going through? she's just a wrench that was haphazardly thrown into the well-oiled machine of his life. she was never supposed to be involved even this much. she was supposed to go on with her life as normal. she was supposed to swallow her nostalgia for what was and what could have been, let seth continue to be someone she remembered fondly. she was supposed to let him go. that would have been easier. for both of them.

he needs to go. the restaurant will open soon, and chiyo is well aware of how busy it'll be before long. there isn't time for a drawn out argument or the frustration aglow in seth's eyes. still, chiyo stops him from leaving his office, rushing to stand in front of the door and tripping in her haste. seth saves her from a nasty fall, hands steadying her; chiyo's chest feels tight.

she hates this feeling.

" i'm not going anywhere, y'know? " she says. she's thankful she doesn't sound choked up. stubborn brown eyes meet amber, and they soften, lose some of their earlier sharpness. her hands reach for seth's, gentle but firm, intentional. " i'm not going to go anywhere. i don't care about what you're hiding -- i just care about you. i need you to know that. "

[daddychi-01]

Batman Headcanon

Give me a 9 or 10-year-old Dick Grayson who has been Robin for a little bit but is still figuring out his relationship with Bruce Wayne. They are more than a guardian and his ward but not quite yet father and son. They both want that but neither of them have gotten up the courage to say it.

Now give me a hostage situation, during some kind of gala or charity event for the school. One where a lot of rich people and their rich kids are present so it’s very important for Bruce and Dick to be selling the whole secret ID thing, so they have to looking just as pathetic and scared as the other people around them.

The bad guys immediately recognize Bruce Wayne and his brat, and they pull Dick away from Bruce. They threaten Dick’s life, saying that Bruce better cooperate or he’ll have to find a new orphan to to take care of, not like it would be a problem since Gotham has so many.

Dick thinks the fear in Bruce’s eyes is an act. That’s not just Bruce after all, it’s Batman. The Dark Knight. He’s literally not allowed to be afraid, so that look can’t be real.

But it is.

Bruce hasn’t been this terrified since the night he lost his parents. His heart is racing and he has to physically push down a panic attack because that isn’t going to save Dick right now. He doesn’t know what to do. He can’t fight these people, not when he is Bruce Wayne. Without the cape and cowl, he has to be a helpless playboy.

So he does the only thing he can think of: he begs.

Bruce Wayne drops to his knees and he pleads with the masked goons to spare Dick’s life. He’s just a boy. A boy who has already lived through enough trauma. Bruce understands if these people hate him and if they want to hurt him instead, that’s fine. But he begs them not to hurt Dick.

He promises to give them anything. They can have his fortune, his life, whatever they want. Just spare Dick. That’s all he asks.

And a masked woman steps forward, leaning down in front of Bruce with what he knows is a sick smirk. The air around them thins and Dick feels himself shiver fifteen feet away. He hadn’t been expecting Bruce to say any of those things. Sure they were close, they had to be as the Dynamic Duo. But he thought after his parents died, there wouldn’t be another adult who would speak about him like that.

That would care enough to swallow their pride and beg, just for him.

Dick’s ears perk up when he hears the woman speak.

“Anything?” She asks. She sounds delighted, almost like she had won some sort of bet at a bar and not that she was leading a hostage situation.

“Anything.” Bruce confirms.

“Okay.” She stands, pointing her gun in Dick’s general direction. “I want your Mommy’s pearls.”

Bruce’s body freezes in shock.

Dick closes his eyes now resigned. Bruce may have been willing to say he would give anything but those were just words. It was one thing to say it, it was entirely different to actually do it. And Martha Wayne’s pearls were too high a price.

Dick can’t blame Bruce either. He imagined being asked to give up his mother’s wedding ring and felt his stomach turn. No, he wouldn’t begrudge Bruce for changing his mind—

“Done.”

Dick’s head shoots up, eyes wide with surprise. He had to have misheard. Bruce didn’t. He wouldn’t…

“Give me a phone. I’ll call my Butler and he will bring them here.”

And Dick cries. Not because someone is holding him hostage, he doesn’t care about that, but because a wave of realization crashes down onto him with an unforgiving strength.

He isn’t an orphan anymore. He has a dad. Bruce loves him.

Bruce ends up calling Alfred and Alfred, being the badass that he is, gives the Gotham PD a heads up but drives there anyway just so he can sucker punch the woman who demanded his late mistress’s pearls just to psychologically torture his son while holding his grandson hostage.

He then takes the pair home. There’s a small tin of cookies in the back for them to share on the drive back.

[akutasoda]

Hii! I absolutely love your writing!

Could i request dazai (and any other characters if youd like) with an softhearted s/o whos mother is very manipulative and just falls into it like she deep down kinda hates her mother cause her mother has all control of her life whenever shes around her and she has to put on an act of being perfect 24/7 for her mother and she cant even tell her mother that she feels horrible and tired becouse of this cause of the manipulation and she would feel bad for her mother

Im sorry if its confusing or written wrong english isnt my first language!

mother knows best

synopsis - when their s/o has a manipulative mother

includes - dazai, chuuya, nikolai

warnings - gn!reader, reader has a controlling mother, fluff, angst with comfort, hints towards murder, manipulation, wc - 717

a/n: hii! thank you! :) just wanna say if anyone has a similar situation to this please speak up, i know it may seem difficult to do but it helps so much

osamu dazai ★↷

↪he absolutely loved how genuinely kind and sweet you were. he found it hard to believe somebody like you really would date someone like him.

↪he thought it was rather nice that you're mother always reached out to you and checked ok you often. but from around the second time he saw your mother around you he knew something was up.

↪he would catch the very quick tenses and looks of gatred before you put on your best smile and continued being kind. he never said anything because he felt like it wasn't his place to get involved in your family affairs.

↪but he really couldn't help but ask after your mother always seemed to decide what you were doing and when - especially because you became so tired looking.

↪and when he asked you really couldn't help but finally let it all out. all the years of your mother controlling your life, making you feel horrible and how you felt so helpless. all dazai could do was hold you and let you get all your feelings out.

↪he knew a thing about manipulation and so had no issue in stepping in himself and started to remove your mother's control. little by little ridding you of the manipulation from your mother until she could finally leave you alone.

chuuya nakahara ★↷

↪he really felt someone as sweet and kind as you shouldn't end up with someone in his line of work but he'd allow himself as he really loved you.

↪seeing how close you and your mother were made him feel happy for you. he did think it was really sweet and he could only wish for that sort of relationship with family - that was until he started seeing some signs.

↪he started getting an off feeling whenever your mother spoke for you, deciding what you were doing. he started really disliking your mother after seeing how tired you were becoming.

↪he wouldn't hesitate to voice his concerns to you and your mother and hated the fact that she still answered for you. so instead he asked you directly and wanted an answer, he wouldn't want you to be hurt by your own mother.

↪and when you finally let all your feelings go he only offered you his undivided attention and support. he absolutely hated how someone that was your family could do this too you and so would happily intervene.

↪if you allowed him, he would be brutally honest. sparing no sympathy in his words and telling your mother outright to leave you alone and to let you be your own person and wouldn't let up until she got the message.

↪if you didn't allow him, he'd begrudgingly step back. but he'd still oppose your mother very happily and would always make sure that she let up her control of your life slowly and subtly.

nikolai gogol ★↷

↪he thought you were the absolute sweetest. your genuine kindness would be something bew to him and he quickly learnt to happily indulge himself in it. he practically clings to you for affection

↪he also liked how close you were to your mother. he admired that connection to your family and always thought it was sweet. but he very quickly started thinking the opposite.

↪he would note how she always spoke for you and decided what you did. how you always seemed more fake when she was around, which was often, and how sometimes you'd even become tense.

↪he would have no issue in asking about the whole situation but he gathered it was probably sensitive so he would wait to ask you in private. he would listen diligently to your worries and how tired you were.

↪hearing about how your mother controlled you made him quite upset. it really went against his whole desire for freedom and so he'd be willingy to do absolutely anything to help you regain that freedom.

↪if you were fine with it, he'd happily be brutal with it. now i wouldn't go into details but he hasn't exactly got a moral compass and would happily dispose of your mother.

↪but if you disagreed with his methods he'd become more subtle. removing your mother's influence bit by bit until you could completely remove her influence over your entire life.

[hwnglx]

how do karina and lee jaewook feel about each other/their relationship now? i feel so bad for all the hate they got :(

i always chose formats according to my intuition and how much they're allowing me tell, this is what they were comfortable with 🤍

how do they feel about each other? karina + jaewook

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

how does jaewook feel towards karina? 9osw, paow, 8ow&mo, know, paosw

he's very sorry. he dislikes how things ended, often finds himself wondering if he could've done better or what he could've done differently. a lot of self blaming. he might be finding it hard to contact her at this point in time, and there seems to still be a lot of frustration and leftover passion pent in up in him.

i can wholeheartedly say that this man liked and still likes karina a lot, and he seems like a very decent guy with good intentions. i often hesitate believing idols when they claim they split because of the public, but i do think this was mostly due to all the negative attention and gossiping. not only does jaewook think it's ridiculous that people have so many opinions on a matter that should be only private to them, but the fact that it actually had a true impact on their connection bothers him a lot. he believes it didn't have to end this way and still finds himself wondering how their relationship could've continued to play out. jaewook definitely still watches karina and is keeping a careful eye on her.

how does karina feel towards jaewook? 8osw, 6op, 4op, acop, 9ow

(she told me more about her feelings about the situation)

karina felt very powerless and helpless in the situation. she has very people-pleasing tendencies, in a way where she hates the thought of people experiencing any sort of harm because of her. i can say with full honesty, that she actually did care about what the public thinks and says, and wanted to do her best to make sure she doesn't lose her grip on the fanbase she's been able to build so far.

she wishes she could've satisfied both parties, but there's also a side of her thinking it was probably delusional of her to think both her relationship with jaewook and with her fans could've coexisted in harmony. in the end, her career had to come first. it just wasn't worth to keep going, she didn't feel comfortable continuing with the risk of putting the career she's worked on developing for many years in jeopardy, just because of her personal life. she just isn't gonna be doing that for a man. he for sure was more emotionally attached, and liked her more.

i can say, that this situation has definitely made her put her guard up, and be much more careful about the things she choses to disclose to the public. she's very sweet and truly cares about her fanbase (tbh, one of the few idols i felt genuine love for their fans from) but she realized they can be kinda reckless and selfish in many ways.

[pumpkin321xxx]

hi darling! ^^

may i be allowed to request a sigma x reader from you? very onbrand for me

i was thinking about a reader that has some sort of accident and because of this got amnesia shortly before she met sigma.

sigma as someone who also has the problem of not recalling his past at all and now feels finally close and understood by someone. of how it feels at the start like you're trapped in someone you don't know and how it's such a helpless feeling.

y/n as someone with an actual past might talk about that it feels like she's finding out more about someone but not her since those hobbies she apparenrly had require it to be a skill that you get so she can't return to those but only feel like she has only worsend in every aspect. maybe she also doesn't feel home. yes there are these kind people but she doesn't recognize their faces and it's a scary feeling that if anyone would walk up to her and say "i'm your old bestie!" she'd have no way to tell if it was right or not. so she feels like she's somehow missplaced.

for this she's trying out many hobbys now - maybe she went to the sky casino to try out if such games would be something she likes. or any other reason on how sigma and her could meet

now both of them have a comfort person with a slightly similar issue

amnesia can make that the memory consists of snippets of events, emotions, visuals but not a continuous story and to somwtimes remember new things suddently

so in short amnesia y/n x sigma - my whole rambling was only to get the idea but if you want to do it diffrently it's alright love like if they already knew each other or not

i hope you'll have a lovely day my darling and have eaten enough kisses your cheek

love you!<3

Sure pookster! I think is a bit different but I hope you like it ^^! (I tried okay? sob)

Sigma x Amnesia!reader

contents: Fluff, comfort

Sigma drew out a heavy sigh as he was done for the day—the packed schedule kept him away from you for such a long time but now that he had some time to spare, he swiftly walked in toward his office, to find you curiously staring at the photos of yourself with everyone. 

“How’s the progress?” His voice snapped you out of the thoughts, you looked up to him again and shook your head. That answer was to be expected, it takes time to recall memories, especially after a severe head trauma from a horrifying accident—it will take a lot of time to recall everything. 

It was surprising to him that you survived, yet you were left with broken bones and amnesia. After spending money on his employee, of course you should be fine from the top-quality treatment. 

The moment when you gained conscious and were hit with sudden confusion and panic, it was heartbreaking for him to be asked about everything. The sudden realization about your situation—God he could relate to it, the confusion, the anxiety and the lack of trust. 

Sigma knew very well how it feels but not to much degree since he never had the past—but you on the other hand, had a past and he couldn’t imagine losing the self of identity someone had made due to years of effort. 

It was a month ago yet he could still remember the distrustful look you held when he walked in to your view, those eyes that looks at the threat, watching their every move and strategize the escape. God, he hated it. 

He wanted to prove himself that he was no threat and reassure you about your safety, but who could he blame? He knew that feeling all too well and he knew talking to you might make it worse, albeit, he could give it a try, right? 

A small talk about your daily life reassured you somehow and here you are in his office, giving your best to recall everything. 

No deny that it overwhelmed you—you were desperate to learn about yourself but no use. You can't recall it no matter what. The only thing you have learned so far was about the casino manager, the employees and everyone except for yourself. 

Your lips quivered, begging to spill out your thoughts as your shaky irises were staring right at Sigma, trying yet again to remember something about yourself—anything. Just anything. 

Sigma picked on the stare he’s receiving and stepped up to you, concern was the first that popped up in mind and to immediately check on you. “What’s wrong?” He asked, making sure to keep his voice low and soft. 

You took a moment to reply, sucking in a deep breath and finally you spoke. “Do you perhaps know something about me?” 

“Of course, I-” 

“My life outside casino perhaps?” You voice cut him off and now it was his turn to stay silent. 

“All I knew was this casino, and the staff in it. But what about my life outside of here? Where I was just a normal person living out there and not gambling with the customers. Do you perhaps know?” 

The pleading tone in your voice along with the hopeful yet desperate look was enough to keep him silent. He could just make up a lie and let you live with it, you have amnesia, right? 

However, he couldn’t bring himself to do that. Life is precious and so are its memories—and he knew that all well from his life before being a manager. 

Lying and making up a fictional life for you was like betraying you since you dependent on him for answers about yourself, everything that had at least a small role in your life. 

“I even forgot my skills in here as a gambler... I... I-I don't know what to do at this point.” Burning tears formed in your eyes and you couldn’t hold your head up bravely, hanging it low to avoid his concerned look and hope for the heaviness to ease off. 

“Everything is foreign and all I can do is just accept it, knowing I am vulnerable to you...” You paused, unsure to continue further but decided against it. Feeling the weight sinking down next to you on the couch. 

“I sure do understand the confusion, the lost part of you that you’re so desperate for.”  You slowly lifted your head up to meet his eyes that were looking back with concern. 

It took him a moment, and it was a quandary moment. He can't think of a way to comfort you—this case was far too familiar but maybe, he should share his case and hope it would comfort you and help you relate to someone at least. 

As a manager, he always cared for his employees. Getting along with them helped him a lot—he was able to get their trust and efficiently lead them through the work. Any disasters and their employees would always be backed up by him, taking the responsibility to stay firm on the ground and deal with it right away. This also includes their well-being. 

And you weren’t a different case either. Sigma always looked after you after the accident, ensuring a smooth recovery. Though, looking at your current self, he felt as if he had failed in aspects of mental health. 

He was thinking for a moment to think of a way to let you know it's not an end. “I can’t recall my past either...” Sigma paused, letting those words sink in. You tensed at the sudden reveal—it was literally unexpected that someone who was ‘born’ to be a manager suffers from amnesia. 

Someone who had managed the casino so well, the one who would make everything seem easy and comfortable for the employees whenever he walked in... 

“Casino was all I ever had...” 

You were snapped out of your thoughts as he continued and you listened intently and curiously. “However, it didn't stop me from accepting the new life—that this is my home from now on, everyone here is like a family to me. I'm still on guard around people, who to trust and who to stay away from.” 

“So, I do understand your feelings, however, I am at ease that at the very least, you are safe from awful people. That much I can assure you, alright?” He flashed you a smile, and you never felt so understood by him. 

Forcing out a surprised chuckle to shake yourself out of the shock, you nod a bit. “It is comforting, really.”  

“And having amnesia won't mean everything is over. It is a second chance for you, relive the moments and memories you lost. New experiences are everything, do you know?” 

You chuckled more at his words, finding them a bit cheesy but hey? At least you two find something in common and this meant you can really count on him for anything. 

Sigma on the other hand was relieved to see you crack a smile and get comfortable around him, praising himself a bit even though he felt a bit awkward getting personal at the risk of breaking his professionalism as your manager. 

“I am glad I have someone to count on, and you’re right on the experience part! I maybe struggling to acquire skills in here but the experiences make up for it.” 

"Right." Sigma smiled, happy to see his employee finally content.

[kkbardd]

so uhh i got summoned to asurei court, if anyone's interested in my testimony papers, theyre down below the cut. (aka my whole take on how i believe their dynamic would develop in cannon)

asurei isn’t for everyone & its whole point is unhealthy dependence.. toxic yuri if u will.. anything resembling a healthy relationship would only be in one of the alt universes created by the 3rd impact 💀 rei and asuka both have what the other wants (whether it be the worth asuka puts on recognition of piloting skills or rei's desire to break from mindless obedience like asuka seems to do so easily.) They both hate and admire each other for this, and asuka specifically expresses this by lashing out at rei. asuka's whole relationship w lesbian comphet plays a HUGE role into all of this but let’s gloss over it for the time being. (now, with asurei u gotta get a bit delusional cuz cannon doesn’t give us much so from here on out is just my opinion on how it'd play out.)

in terms of rei's POV in this:

rei hates the attention they gets from men, and is especially disgusted by gendo's fake kindness. he sees rei as a replaceable doll and pushes yui's image on them. gendo has never actually seen rei for who they really are, and rei later begins to hate and despise not only gendo but themselves too. in the anime, rei is shown to have self destructive tendencies & suicidal ideation because not only are they constantly being replaced & having their memory wiped, but each time they forget any sort of emotion that they learn in the meantime. recall the scene in which rei, right after being "revived" and left with no memory, sees gendo's glasses. although they cant remember anything, its hinted that their "soul" still remembers and hates him. rei tries to break the glasses but in the end, they’re still unable to defy and break free from their situation. feeling frustrated and helpless, rei starts crying & remarks how this should be the first time they've experienced it but somehow it feels like its not. back to the present, reis acting very reckless in battle and basically using themselves as a meat shield. they're so full of self-hate, and seeing asuka's obvious inferiority to them just upsets them even more. why does she put so much worth on the one thing that acts like a plague to them? compared to these pointless test results on a screen, asuka has something so much more valuable. the ability to think for themselves, to not be someone's doll. asuka's inferiority is almost insulting. rei verbally lashes out at asuka in the elevator, showing defiance that they never knew they could produce. it felt almost liberating. they find that being around asuka gives them emotions that they've always longed for, no matter how ugly they may be. they soon find themselves seeking asuka out, and the inferiority that was once insulting became a means to control and keep her close. asuka, someone who was seemingly invincible and can roam free without care, has one weakness that causes her to crack and shatter from the slightest touch. and that weakness is none other than rei themselves. rei becomes possessive in a way that they've never known possible. so much so that a part of them starts to hate themselves, fearing they've become just like their abuser gendo. nonetheless, rei begins to value their life more. they become deathly afraid of dying & being replaced by some mindless clone that has forgotten everything they now know about asuka and themself.

now what is asuka doing in all of this?

asuka deals with a lot of comphet and its an integral part of her character, so much so that it doesn’t seem right to not mention it. but to quickly summarize, because of this she has a love-hate relationship with attention from men. she feels disgusted by it but gets extremely jealous when it seems like another girl might replace her. then comes rei. (now what most ppl don’t seem to notice is asuka didnt start off hating rei, she tried to be friends but ever since the beginning misato has ALWYAYS pitted them against each other. this of course led asuka to feeling threatened & seeing rei as an enemy. especially since it involves piloting ability, something that asuka sees as her whole point of living.) she begins to hate her because how can someone who is so good at piloting be so brainless and doll-like. that’s exactly what asuka was trying so hard to not become! in this aspect, rei's entire existence defies what asuka has tried so hard to believe in up to this point. her hate & inferiority towards rei is only made worse when she sees that they're not only being objectified by men, but are seemingly unbothered by it unlike asuka. rei is now constantly on her mind, and asuka starts to realize that what she's feeling towards them isn’t just hate. its around the time of the elevator scene that these confusing emotions and inferiorities are at their peak. right after this, asuka goes into battle & is ordered to be rei's backup. she defies this order but receives a mental attack from an angel that causes her to re-live all of her trauma & comphet issues. the person that saved her from this is none other than rei. at this point asuka is at an all-time low, and states that she'd rather be left for dead than saved by someone like rei. she’s still confused by her feelings towards rei, but right now her hatred and insecurity is taking priority. its right after this battle that her synchro rates plummet and she loses the #1 thing she based her life worth on. she then goes out to die in an abandoned building but is eventually retrieved by NERV. I believe that during this time alone, she’s also wallowing in her feelings for rei and coming to terms with a lot of comphet stuff, especially after that psychological attack. right after this the world like ends or whatever but lets forget that for now & extend time cuz the gays need it 🥰 .

rei and asuka at this point realize their feelings in one way or another, and there's a lot of tension in their conversations. asuka is at a very fragile point rn bc of all the stuff that just went on, and rei is unsure how to go about things, half due to their inexperience & half due to their fear of becoming like gendo. however, asuka realizes rei is acting different from before, and advances on them as a way of lashing out. but to her surprise rei is undefiant and actually willingly helpless in her hands. she feels a rush of superiority and is amused by how inexperienced rei is. she also realizes that unlike her previous experiences with men (like when she tried to kiss shinji but didnt want to see, smell, taste, or even feel it & had a mental breakdown afterwards lol ) she actually likes it!? the romantic/sexual affirmation that asuka has always wanted from men like kaji is being fulfilled by rei in a way that asuka feels completely in control & comfortable. she's not forcing herself or being objectified, but rather is taking the lead. this is something she never imagined possible before. and all of this is with rei to boot! the rei that, in asuka's eyes, has always looked down on her and been unobtainable is now melting in her hands like putty. there’s a sense of accomplishment she feels, which makes her want to push rei even more. she finally has authority and to make herself feel better, she takes it out on rei through advances like this. she goes further and further, and in an ironic way, uses intimacy as a form of self-harm. she feels shame and despises herself for doing such things with ill-intent, and with another woman at that. its a toxic relationship that tries to fill the hole in her heart, but only leads to a bigger one forming.

when asuka first advanced onto rei, they felt something unlike anything before. unlike when gendo would often touch their shoulder, rei didnt recoil from asuka's touch. rei also felt something similar to asuka, in that the person who always seemed unbound by anything in now giving them her undivided attention. the fact that this came from an act of anger didnt really bother rei, since they knew from the beginning that was one of the only ways to get asuka to even spare them a glance. rei would gladly become hated if it meant binding asuka to them. in a mix of touch-starvedness & unhealthy dependency on asuka, rei kept looking forward to any interacting with asuka, since it was what really made them feel alive. asuka slowly becomes rei's world and meaning for living, but they eventually realize that causes a great insecurity. asuka is independent and can go anywhere she wants if she feels like it. from rei's pov, asuka desperately wants attention from men, something that rei could never give her. rei's afraid that asuka will leave them, & to tie asuka down they play the role of a villain. rei keeps asuka feeling insecure by becoming what asuka envisioned them as, and slowly starts hacking away at asuka's Achille's heel. rei desperately uses the short time that asuka has given them to engrain themself into her, so much so that asuka would be nothing without them. rei cannot let asuka realize her worth for fear that she would leave them. rei notices that asuka enjoys seeing them helpless and plays the part, almost like a honeytrap. slowly tho I believe that rei starts to take control of the relationship in hopes of making asuka dependent on them.

Asurei is in no way a wholesome relationship, and ik that’s not for everyone.. my vision of a happy end for them would be both of them becoming comfortable in their relationship and finding that the actions they once used to express hatred for themselves and each other is now slowly becoming fueled by love and desire for each other. They form a very unhealthy co-dependence on each other, but for them it works. They cant envision a world without the other in it.

[mizukagami-takamagahara]

Annon-Guy: What are your thoughts on Rachel Alucard and Mei Amanohokosaka as characters?

I'm asking because Tsundere type characters being devisive, with Harsh Tsunderes being hated for being "abusive" girls that deserve to die for attacking physically and/or verbally.(whether they're in love or not)

It's apparent that we Western Fans (no offense to you) don't view them the way Japanese Fans do.

It is interesting how widely JP and Western tastes differ! I have a buddy who is really into studying fandom culture, and we’ve talked about the wildly different reactions to tsundere between the cultures! I wonder if I should call her in sometime to discuss why that is…

Anyways, personally I have no problem with the archetype. Sometimes they can annoy me, especially if they feel ‘forced’ into their archetype; if the character seems mean for “absolutely no reason,” to the point where it breaks my immersion, then I tend to dislike them.

I’ve never had this issue with BlazBlue, though. I really, really like BlazBlue’s character writing. I’d still say that if I ever met these girls in real life, I probably wouldn’t want to go drinking with them… but as characters in their stories, and as believable products of their environments, I adore them!!

- - - - RACHEL = ALUCARD

Rachel is SUCH a tragic fucking character. You can like or dislike how she’s coping with it, but if you engage with her character on any meaningful level, you have to acknowledge that her cruel, jaded behavior is a believable response to the situation she’s in. It’s not nice, it’s not pretty- neither is the life she’s trapped in. In what world has trauma or helplessness ever made us prettier, cleaner people?

She’s cold, distant, unempathetic- because if she lets herself remember how much she cares, the weight of it all might break her. She’s incredibly sensitive under that cold porcelain shell; she snaps into aggression very quickly when under pressure. Specifically when confronted things that she hasn’t been able to distance herself from, things she cares too much about to feign distant superiority.

- - - - MEI = AMANOHOKOSAKA

Powerlessness is something of a through-line among the tsundere characters in BB. Mei is also a character struggling with powerlessness, pain, and fear; and she responds to her situation n a lot of the same ways Rachel does.

To avoid feeling weak or trapped, she falls back on her lineage, seeking escape in her sense of pride. She’d rather tell everyone (including herself) that she’s separate and above everything around her. The alternative would require her to face the horrible truth that if she did try to seek comfort or companionship under her employment (servitude, extortion, etc.) to Unomaru, she would be denied it.

Her fear turns to aggression when backed into a corner, when her mask of aloof superiority can no longer protect her. In these cases, she can be explosively emotional; which isn’t at all surprising, considering how much she’s bottling up all the time.

Thinking about it a little, Rachel and Mei share a few more parallels, don’t they??? They both get very quiet when they let down their walls, reflecting the exhaustion they suffer from. They’re both in a uniquely knowledgeable position, with access to information about the world that most people don’t have, which further serves to alienate them- and creates this sort of “being the world’s protector” feeling I’d argue they both express.

They both lost their parents incredibly young, inheriting positions of nobility, leadership, and responsibility they were certainly not prepared for. They both keep going in the hope that a specific man in their lives will one day be able to have a future.

Their designs share several elements too. A delicate, doll-like feel to their features. Long straight hair that veils them from the world (despite Rachel tying hers up) and, in JP media, often symbolizes spiritualism and divinity. They both wear lolita fashion, with many layers that could also be argued to ‘shield’ them from the rest of the world, providing a form of mental armor and obscuring how small and fragile they are under it all.

I doubt these similarities are coincidence.

[horizon-verizon]

What do Daemon and the Blackwoods, in canon, have in common?

1) They are cool characters

2) They are loyal to Rhaenyra

So,it doesn't come as a surprise that Condal hates their guts and will do whatever it takes to demonize them. Its pathetic losers like Aemond and the Brackens for whom his heart bleeds. They might throw in Alysanne Blackwood later, after erasing her moment in the Battle of the Burning Mill, to whine about how the men in her family are evil and how she is helpless because Condal and Hess have to put up the facade of feminism.

*EDIT 10/24/24* Daemon was at Harrenhal when the Blackwoods raided several Bracken lands, "despoiled" their septs, and sacked Bracken villages. (Raventree - Blackwoods / Stone Hedge - Brackens)

("The Red Dragon and the Gold")

So it's more than likely that canon!daemon sent the Blackwoods to raid and attack Bracken land, whether he traveled by dragon over/by Stone Hedge to the Blackwoods or by raven. However, no Tully or any Riverlord, went to Harrenhal to accuse Daemon of anything in canon precisely because:

the Blackwoods didn't raid, seemingly, any other house's lands but for their known mortal enemies, the Brackens

the Brackens had already declared their support for Aegon, while the Blackwoods did for Rhaenyra...so yes, Rhaenyra's supporters would attack the Brackens...bc this is a war

several houses had already fought with Daemon against the Brackens as part of his strategy against them

("A Son for a Son"...the chapter before Red Dragon&Gold)

It was not a situation where Daemon willfully decided to have Blackwoods ruin people's lives so he can look good or one where the riverlords saw a huge travesty being done to them. It was warfare.

*END OF EDIT*

Best believe. Imagine they saw past SM posts w/the disdain predicting this sort of thing over & over and in spite they try to make things even worse out of spite?

You know, the BLackwoods being demonized was foreshadowed by the way they made that Bracken feel very threatened by that nonBenjicot fellow as if to say that the Blackwoods collectively have such a trait for Cú Chulainn battle madness that's not even canon Benjiocot's type of battle-mania so much as an ever present bloodthirstiness. Since Benji was only ever "mad" during battle, whereas they suggested the Blackwoods all or most seek out violence and they made the Brackens more reactive to that.

[iusedtoweavecrowns]

Personal life rant

Gonna write it here into the digital void so maybe it'll let me sleep easier but I'm feeling so bad and guilty rn because I've been visiting a foreign country for two weeks and one of the people I know and love from when I was here 10 years ago is in the hospital but I didn't manage to brave up to go visit her there.

She has severe dementia and it's unclear if she remembers and recognises people but I'm now struck with the thought of what if she does remember inside and would have liked to see me but I didn't go because I was too scared to talk to her husband and ask him to take me (I couldn't go alone) 😭😭😭😭😭😭 And not because he's scary but because I find it scary to talk to people when I don't have a scenario and because inviting myself into a personal moment feels Rude and Like I Shouldn't Do It (he's so angry and sad as you can imagine)(I struggle with inviting myself into other people's spaces and company, I keep feeling like if they want me there they would invite me themselves)(I did say in a convo that I'd be interested in going and waited for some sign)(maybe I looked shifty?) and I don't feel significant enough because I'm just someone who was here years and years ago for a bit and later exchanged a few birthday wishes on facebook.

Also I guess I'm scared to see her changed from how I remember her? And being in a situation for which I have no reference (what do people do on hospital visits? I've been very lucky in that I've never been there). In a way I prefer remembering the past I guess. So I didn't like try super hard? Didn't put in the effort to force myself into a situation where I'd write him (I need to create some sort of situation to overcome the fear for a moment) and I kept hoping he or one of our mutual friends would just kind of go we are going to visit her, come along. But no one did. And it's probably too much to expect of a grieving man to plan for me? I'm not sure he wanted to take care of me while on a trip to take care of his wife yk? But I fear that he hates me for not going? Or that I was unclear about when I'm leaving so what if he was thinking there was still loads of time? So now I feel Schroedinger's Rudeness for simultaneously wanting to force myself into a personal situation, not wanting to do it, and expecting someone else to do it for me. All the while I think I could forgive this (I am insignificant compared to all the other friends and family) if I hadn't had the thought that what if she's been waiting - I know her husband told her I'm here - and I've been just... letting time go past. Idk idk idk. Telling myself that she is a very kind woman who would understand and forgive me if I could tell her this is not helping.

Praying crying etc. Thought kebab turning in my head to the tune of being a despicable human being and everyone hating me now (what if all the people I know here will never forgive me this cowardice) and her being sad(der) in this already sad situation. I would call my mum to vent to her and hope she says she still loves me but she is much more close to the family (she's been here yearly) and spent her last visits sitting by her bedside so I can add the worry that she will be upset with me to the pile.

We are all helpless but I have made myself extra helpless 😫

[what-if-queen-camilla]

Chapter 33

Sadly just a short one but I wanted to give you an update... hope you'll like it...

30th December 1995

"Do I still have to call the Princes 'Your Royal Highness' now? And what about the Queen Mother? Do I still have to curtsy and say Your Majesty?' Will we see the Queen and Prince Philip, too?", Thea bubbled in the back of the car and Camilla rolled her eyes. After her little girl had overcome the first shock about the news that none other than The Prince of Wales - Sir, as she still called him - was her biological father, she had also begun to realise what that meant concerning other familial connections, that she had two brothers who were Princes, that her grandmother was the Queen, and the Queen Mother, with whom she'd always shared a special sort of friendship as the two of them shared a birthday on August 4th, her great-grandmother. She had also realised very quickly that her godmother "Auntie Anne" really was her actual aunt and Peter and Zara were her cousins, and she obviously had so many questions and things on her little mind that sometimes Camilla didn't know what to say anymore. She just hoped they'd finally get back to some kind of normality in the new year 1996 and, perhaps, the days at Birkhall with all of them would help as well.

Following his statement regarding his acknowledgement of Thea as his child, Charles had privately hired a security service to take care of her and Camilla for the foreseeable future and she had to admit that it did make her feel better, at least more secure and therefore relaxed, not as helpless and frightened anymore, and that was good. The plan was also for Thea to get back to school again after Christmas break and, though there'd be security looking after her, at least until the situation would have calmed down, she hoped for her to be able to go on with her life and her friends as normal as possible. In fact, not even Peter and Zara had security at school, actually, it was a privilege that only the most senior members of the Royal Family had (though Camilla wasn't sure whether "privilege" really was the right expression…), but in their situation, with all of the uncertainty and the hate and attacks she had been suffering, they had decided that it was too risky to send their daughter back to school without any protection, and Charles funded it through his own, private income.

"Mummy???", Thea firmly interrupted her thoughts and Camilla shrugged her shoulders. "We've talked about this, darling.", she reminded her daughter. "You will be a good girl and behave exactly like you've always done unless somebody invites you to do otherwise." That was just what they needed, Thea enthusiastically jumping into the Queen Mother's arms, greeting her "Hi great-granny!", or something, no, no, no. It was best to be as decent, polite and unobtrusive as possible. Laura had already gone up to Scotland together with Peter and some of their cricket friends a few days earlier and they'd all met up there, so it was just the two of them driving all the way to the north and she couldn't wait to be in Charles' arms again soon. They hadn't seen each other until some time before Christmas, they yet had to exchange presents and generally, her heart just ached for him. It had been a hell of a year, especially the last few weeks really had taken their toll on her and she longed for nothing more than some peaceful and quiet hours with the love of her life - and their children. That thought almost made her heart stumble, though she was still a bit anxious about meeting William and Harry after Diana's revelations, but at least they didn't have to hide anymore and she just hoped the boys and Thea would get along and that whatever had happened between their parents wouldn't affect their relationship.

"Good afternoon Mrs Parker Bowles.", one of the Queen Mother's equerries welcomed her charmingly as they finally arrived at Birkhall just before twilight, and bowed deeply, first to her and then to Thea, politely adding: "Good afternoon, Ms Theodora." "Good afternoon, Steve!", the two of them greeted him, almost unisono and laughed. "Her Majesty The Queen Mother is looking forward to welcoming you both in the Drawing room.", he added and for a moment Camilla winced, looking at him insecurely. DearnGod, that had not been announced and she wasn't dressed for such a meeting now, looking all shaggy in her jeans and sweater, her hair and makeup (or rather: the unidentifiable something that was still remaining of it) an absolute mess after the almost 10 hours journey… all that she wanted was to refresh herself and change into some more festive clothes before she'd meet with anyone, let alone Charles' grandmother! The old lady would probably send her away if she saw her like that… Mortifiedly, she followed the equerry inside of the house and through a few rooms until they eventually reached the drawing room, where the Queen Mother was sitting on a chaise lounge, enjoying a slice of cake, a cup of tea and something stronger, and smiled in delight as she caught sight of them. "Your Majesty…", Camilla greeted her, performing a deep curtsy, her eyes fixed on the floor. She felt ashamed about her appearance but, thank goodness, and actually not really surprising, the old lady didn't care at all. "Camilla, my dear, it's so nice to see you!", she cheered, kissing her cheeks, before bending over to Thea, who, like her mother, performed an elegant curtsy in front of the royal and politely greeted her: "Good afternoon, Your Majesty!", which made the old lady laugh. "Good girl, Theodora!", she praised her, appreciatively patting her back. "But I'd say Great-Granny is more fitting now, don't you agree?" Camilla almost got a heart attack as this was basically the scenario she had been afraid of - but the Queen Mother smiled at her so kindly and heartfeltly that it didn't even feel weird or wrong anymore as she warmly pulled the little girl into her arms. Camilla wiped a few tears away as she suddenly felt two strong hands, tightly but tenderly grabbing her shoulders, gently turning her around, pulling her close, before just as sudden, two lips found hers and kissed her so passionately, that she almost felt like fainting. "Darling…!", she gasped breathlessly, looking at him in pure love and astonishment, the Prince's eyes equally filled with adoration for his love. "Darling.", he replied, gently kissing her cheek. "You're home."

[hypergamiss]

I wish this was talked about more in this part of tumblr, but any resources discussing birth control? Today I spoke with a girl who has gained an ungodly amount of weight since starting birth control 3 years ago (depo shot). She showed me her “before” picture and I was shocked. We’re talking a 175+ lb weight gain.

I had a similar experience when I briefly tried it for a year and a half. I only gained 40 pounds and it quickly fell off the moment I stopped taking it. Once I realized what was happening, I quickly stopped taking it. I was basically malnourished trying to maintain a healthy body and avoid the weight gain but nothing worked.

The men I’ve been with, never feel comfortable that I’m not on anything. When I explain why, they always say, “I won’t care if you gain weight” and we all know that’s bullshit. The girl I talked to today, said that her ex broke up with her because he didn’t like how much weight she had gained since starting BC so that she could have sex with him 🙄

I hate how women have to sacrifice so much of their comfort and health in order to accommodate men. It’s like we lose no matter what we do. Whether it’s the pill, shot, patch, arm implant, etc, there’s going to be some sort of discomfort and I hate it. I know another girl who did the vaginal implant and she passed out on the drive back because she was in so much pain.

I wish this was talked about more as well and I 100% agree with your feelings.

I think it’s important for us women to only entertain men who genuinely care about our well-being and are empathetic towards the things we go through as women. I've never been with a guy who didn't try to comfort me while dealing with my cycle or anything related to my womb.

In my last relationship, I was on regular bc and we still had a pregnancy scare so we mutually decided to try an IUD after that. It turned out to be uncomfortable as well and he even said he could feel it during intercourse. There were times when I was in so much pain he would shed a couple of tears with me and he said it was because he felt helpless and he felt like he couldn’t do anything about it but watch me be in pain. On top of that, my libido was very low and I stopped having sex with him. He was really mature about it and brought it up in conversation and expressed how he was frustrated because we weren't being intimate and we couldn't understand why. I knew I loved him and found him attractive (he literally looked like a fitness model) but I thought something was wrong with me (it was because of bc). During this time I started to switch my healthcare providers so my new OBGYN was in a different country outside of the U.S. and that really changed things for me. This doctor took a more holistic approach and we decided to take the IUD out. We got my cycle back to regular and decided to track my fertile days to prevent pregnancy with a combination of using spermicide. That worked perfectly fine and it was the best method for my situation (everyone has unique experiences).

Present day I just don't plan on being intimate with anyone I wouldn't marry or see as a potential father figure for my future children.

"The men I’ve been with, never feel comfortable that I’m not on anything. When I explain why, they always say, “I won’t care if you gain weight” and we all know that’s bullshit."

In my opinion, if a man is not open to having a full-blown discussion over something as critical as bc and even doing his own research, it would be a red flag for me. There are men out there who are willing to take your concerns seriously and not make you feel hopeless and alone. I never went to any of my doctor appointments alone and at one point my partner was more knowledgeable than me about the different options available and asked my doctor more questions than me. Of course, they are driven because they want to be intimate but it definitely feels like they genuinely care just as much when they are like this.

[waitingforwinterwinds]

A Clash of Kings - 47 ARYA IX (pages 609-627)

Northmen arrive as prisoners at Harrenhal, and Arya uses her third Name to coerce Jaqen into staging a jailbreak. Jaqen H'ghar leaves the party.

-

"There's ghosts, I know there is. (...) Pia saw something in the buttery last night." Arya made a rude noise. Pia was always seeing things in the buttery. usually they were men.

Ha! well, as long as it's all consensual, more power to her.

"I need a whole tray. Ser Armory is partial to them." Arya hated Ser Armory. "Let's spit on them."

Arya has regained enough of her moxy to be viciously petty. I love that for her. As long as it doesn't get her into trouble.

"And if we did escape, where would we go?" ... "I'm a 'prentice smith, and one day might be I'll make a master armorer... if I don't run off and lose my feet or get myself killed." He turned away from her, picked up his hammer once more, and began to bang. Arya's hands curled into helpless fists. "The next helm you make, put mule's ears on it place of bull's horns!"

Gendry has a good point. The number of guards might be severely reduced, but it's way more than two, they'd be out numbered in a jiffy. And on the very slim chance they did escape, Winterfell is a long way from Harrenhal, across contested countryside with injured men.

Arya's finally getting some of her confidence back, feeling like she can make a difference even if she knows it's all small scale and immediate, and now she's back to feeling helpless because she can't help the men loyal to her family. She's being forced to realise how much of that power she now wields is an illusion, when she's standing so close to what should be a major boon in resources and allies.

I just hope she doesn't do anything rash.

"A girl will weep. A girl will lose her only friend." "You're not my friend. A friend would help me." She stepped away from him, balanced on the balls of her feet in case he threw his knife. "I'd never kill a friend." Jaqen's smile came and went. "A girl might... name another name then, if a friend did help?" "A girl might," she said. "If a friend did help."

two things.

1: so in the show they have this giant room in the back of the House of Black and White which is like a face library right? I don't know if it's canon to the books, but they the show does. And I just thought it would be so awkward if, like, any number of people can borrow a face at the same time and if they get killed while wearing it that's fine, it's still available for others, more like an e-book than a physical copy, with the original kept in the vault UNLESS this sort of situation in which a faceless man is directly tasked to kill one of their identities. Then the face is destroyed and no one ever gets to borrow it again.

I feel like that may not have made a lot of sense. (It also definitely isn't a thing because Arya sees Jaqen later in the show, but that's not the point. Also consider personality hive minds.)

2. Lalu fufufu shabala fabala fabala fabala fabala fabala fabala

If you get that reference: I am so sorry. But it has ruined this scene for me. Arya's out here being clever and my brain skipped sideways and I started cacking.

"I take back the name." ... "The debt is paid," Arya agreed reluctantly. She felt a little sad. Now she was just a mouse again. "A god has his due. And now a man must die." A strange smile touched the lips of Jaqen H'ghar. "Die?" she said, confused. What did he mean? "But I unsaid the name. You don't need to die now." "I do. My time is done."

And now Arya gets to learn that her actions have consequences, and somethings just can't be taken back. I get the feeling this is about to be reflected on a slightly larger scale. This jailbreak is about to go not the way she expected it to.

...Oh? Success? Oh... success. Eeeeewwww, Bolton senior. Blergh.

But she's not telling him her name~ Thank goodness. "If she'd just reveal her self all would be well UwU" WRONG!!! He cannot be trusted! "Leeches purge the bad blood" pfff. That's literally not how that works. but more importantly:

JUSTICE (BY BEAR) FOR YOREN!!!!

The next few posts might be on queue, because the Reader is going away for the weekend. We'll see how that goes.

[unfilteredmus1ngs]

How To Kill A God - Post Jörmungandr fight

TW: Blood, mentions of bodily harm, swearing, pain. lots of it :D

So that was it, then.

Reza stood there, rather dumbfoundedly if he had to say so himself, as he watched Jörmungandr disappeared from in front of him in the blink of an eye and appeared almost instantaneously behind Chae. Before any of them could react, the rider, who pretty much everyone had forgotten about, rose and took care of the snake God in one swoop, fog and thunder and all. His body could barely contain the Godly powers manifested around them, and it was practically a miracle that he was standing where he stood at all, trembling at the sheer enormity of power that he could never phantom.

Was this how the people of old felt when they were in the presence of Gods warring amongst themselves? Helpless in their futile effort to neutralize an ambitious God that used them as pawns?

What was a man to a God, after all.

Fuck, he hated being philosophical.

Reza looked up as the rider spoke, when the finger was pointed at him. A shudder went down his spine when their eyes met. He felt his knees weakened at the sheer presence, though he forced himself not to buckle under pressure. God or not, he hated bending his knees to them more than anything. He gritted his teeth as he looked back at the rider; who looked old and young at the same time, who carried himself with the pride of a ruler, a father, a man and not a man. Reza wasn’t quite sure what sort of expression he wore, but it was definitely an unwelcoming one. Defiance till his very last breath.

But then his right eye started to hurt, to the point that plucking it out would be a much lesser pain than the one that he was feeling. Guttural scream escaped his lips as he clutched his right eye, wondering if this was the price for his insolence towards a God. It was a small price to pay, but good God did it hurt like Hell. Then a voice came to him, ethereal and fatherly.

My gift to you, son of man. To see possible futures when a grand choice is presented.

Then it whispered of warning; The children of Loki are still out there. So they might have to fight again. And they might not be so lucky then.

Fuck.

Both the rider and Jörmungandr disappeared after his warning, and the fog was lifted, bringing them back in Lords Wood. The pain in his right eye subsided, though the throbbing headache returned full force once the adrenaline cam crashing down. Reza still gritted his teeth as he assessed his own body; punctured wounds from Jörmungandr’s fangs on his arm began to close on itself as the spirits honoured the pack between them, and so was the wounds on his neck. He waited with bated breath for the consequence of forcing open the spiritual communication like it always did, but nothing came to. Perhaps the Gods’ power overrode the curse?

Reza turned to his companion, the situation was too somber for his liking, everyone was still reeling from what just happened. forcing himself to relax his body with a loud exhale as he took a step towards Helia and co.. He opened his mouth to speak, but there were no words that came from his lips. Instead, a coughing fit started to hit him, blood and black bile mixed together and stained his palm as he covered his mouth. His body crumpled as waves of pain engulfed him, his body spasmed and twitching on the ground as he choked on his own blood and vomit.

Ah, so it was delayed, he idly thought, his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he started to lose consciousness from the immense pain. Muffled voices started to echo in his ears alongside a loud ringing from the spirits buzzing frantically around him. They wouldn’t be able to heal him from this, which was unfortunate. Reza tried to fight back the sleep that was gnawing at him, searching for Helia or Chae, or Hell, even Evanora, that edgy bastard. Who does she think anyway? The punisher? I should tease her about it. But sleep came to him anyway, his body felt heavy and limp on the wet forest ground. And though he knew not to, Reza let his consciousness slipped anyway, with such a silly thought in his mind and a small smirk on his lips.

==To be continued==

[pumpkinstep]

oh oh oh!

okay, I get to talk about this!

So for context, I am FAB but non binary.

as a kid I read a lot.

like I needed to be bribed to give books back to the school kind of thing.

as a kid, I was taught romance, love, kindness, and friendship were super mega cringe and indulging in these themes were embarrassing and shameful, mind you I was raised male so there's a little extra scoop of background and context for ya.

With that in mind, I only really read books with male main characters. almost all of the books I read had male leads because all the girl leads were strong and interesting for like a few chapters until a boy got involved and they fell in love. always, without fail, I would pick up a book and read "Girl lead has the survive X situation! She's in danger or there's some sort of social conflict! but wait! can Boy side character be just what she needs to solve all of her problems??" on the back of the cover and every time I'd feel intense annoyance and put the book down.

I do this with male leads too if it looks like the same thing but gender swapped.

It felt like every "adventure" book with a female lead was just an excuse to trick young readers into romance or to shoe horn romance in for the sake of having it.

I really really hated it, so I wouldn't give books a chance if the book was centered around one sole aspect of a character such as who they fall in love with or other arbitrary things that has nothing to do with the plot and only serves to pander to specific audiences.

I really didn't like that, so I only valued books with male leads because they tend to be more straight forward and honest about being adventure stories.

the only books I remember reading that had female leads that I actually enjoyed was Graceling (an adventure book with a side of romance. I didn't know it was intended to be a romance novel until After I finished reading it. I never read the back of the book), The true confessions of Charlotte Doyle, and Unlondon.

I enjoyed them because they treated the girls like people and not like helpless little girls who needed saving. though unlondon the lead needs a lot of help cause she's literally in a new world but still.

anyway, I think largely this issue stems from the idea that women and girls are enheriently romantic creatures and there's automatic tension anytime they star in their own fiction or are involved in anything. they can't have their own adventure stories, it has to be tied to a boy who they madly fall in love with early in their story and its annoying

that's how I feel about it anyway, a lot of early 2000s young adult fiction didn't treat girls very well

i dont really know how to articulate this but its crazy just how many people dont even realize they dont care about female characters. all their faves are men. they never talk about girls without being led into it. and when you try to point this out to them they try to defend themselves that their faves are just the archetypes they like, despite clearly not caring when that same archetype is a woman. like i feel like at a certain point it is your problem with the common denominator if you cant find a single female character to enjoy

[fungalenchantress]

Just working though some thoughts I’m having

Recently a formerly dear friend of mine broke up with me over a three minute text conversation about cleaning the house. There are many factors that lead to this outcome and I won’t suggest that I don’t have at least some blame. However, despite any other reasons for the conflict, I do believe the primary reason was my friend's inability to see beyond herself and her feelings and see me as another well meaning person.

I noticed that my friend and I had different approaches to the needs and wants of our loved ones pretty early in our friendship. I have always tried to consider the needs of the people I care about as approximately as important as my own, given the context of the situation of course. I try to find a good balance and never neglect my own needs in my endeavor to be there for the people I care about. I acknowledge there are pitfalls to this way of behaving. I do not believe this is the best way for a person to be. I myself have fallen into the trap of being too giving of my time and energy to people before and making them uncomfortable. It is easy to do. I do think I’ve gotten better at avoiding this over time, but I will never be perfect. Certainly I’m also selfish at times, and that’s also ok. I’m not claiming to be free of desire, just describing how I try to be aware of others.

On the other hand, my friend doesn’t seem to consider the wants or needs of the people around her when it comes to most things. I don’t mean she never does anything nice for people, she’s bought me thoughtful gifts and if you ask her to help with something she often will, it’s just without external prompting she very rarely seems to incorporate other’s needs into her thoughts and plans. (And even with external prompting I VERY rarely see her go out of her way to help others) For example, if she makes food she doesn’t clean the kitchen so that someone else could cook after her. Or if she’s going to the grocery store she doesn’t shoot a quick text to her housemates asking if anyone needs something. These little ways we can just consider others in our day-to-day life. To be clear, I do not believe there is anything inherently wrong with behaving like this. I am fully aware that if behavior like this makes you uncomfortable, the answer is to simply move on and befriend someone else, not to try to blame or change the person. As I got to know her I just didn’t really mind that we approached relationships differently. There were so many other things I appreciated about her, like her (verbal) compassion for others and quick wit.

The problem came when I finally had the courage to disagree with her about something. To even frame it that way certainly indicates that I knew there was some issue, because I avoided thinking about how uncomfortable disagreeing with her made me up until this point. It didn’t help that I think she has a great deal of insecurity tied to the topic of cleaning and cleanliness. Regardless, the unavoidable consequences of that mindset was very suddenly laid bare, her inability to consider the thoughts or needs of others lead her to jump over any potential introspection and straight to rage as a defense mechanism. At which point, as she wasn’t thinking of me as a thinking feeling person who cared about her, instead I seem to have become “evil bitch who hates me” rather than and then use that as moral justification to verbally accost me, and eventually even physically menace me.

This is awful for all sorts of reasons. The worst for me is the helplessness. Once you get placed in the category of “evil bitch” there is nothing you can do to escape. You are just trapped there as people you’ve never been anything but kind to don’t even come to talk to you because they heard you were a bad, abusive person and anything you say is lies or misrepresenting the truth. It is an isolating nightmare. And it’s disturbing to know that for so many people your actions mean nothing. Should not our previous behavior be justification enough for at least listening to your experience as well? “Believing the Victim” is a powerful concept that I do firmly support, but what happens when the victim is portrayed by the person perpetuating the abuse as the abuser? The answer is illustrated in the recent Depp V Heard trial where it simply didn’t matter what the reality was (Depp was objectively the abuser) because all that needed to happen was he had to say she was also an abuser and that became the reality many people believe to this day. 

I can’t help but remember the concept from “A Self Defense Study Guide for Trans Women“ that crowds will always subconsciously side against a trans woman and wonder if that plays a role here too. I always hesitate to claim something’s transphobic unless it’s blatant because of the fear I have of using that as an excuse to ignore legitimate criticism. But right now I can’t help but wonder if that’s at least part of why not one of our mutual friends has come to comfort me. I don’t know. In my darker moments I wonder if perhaps they don’t come because I’m the one in the wrong, that somehow I’m the abuser in this scenario. Then I remember that I spoke calmly from a place of empathy and understanding for both our needs, and she tried to menace me into my room so she could “talk to me” alone. So I remind myself that regardless of who was right and who was wrong in the original argument, the escalation and behavior of my former friend are unacceptable. 

At least, I think so?

[written-and-readen]

Wardance

Kieran Artiste (OC) x Luka

Summary: Some moments taking place during the Xianzhou Luofu's Wardance

Warnings: Spoilers for what happens during the Wardance event, slight suggestive implications

a/n: This event made my brain go brrrrrrr

Kieran looked down at Luka, sound asleep. His head was on her lap, one of her hands mindlessly stroking through his hair. A slight frown crossed her face as he stirred, murmuring something and brows furrowing.

The hallucinations he’d been having since arriving at the Xianzhou Luofu had gotten worse. His performance in the ring was causing her just as much anxiety as him. His most recent matches scared her to no end. 

Her attention was drawn by Luka again as he muttered something again, shifting restlessly as his breathing picked up. Nightmare? It seemed he couldn’t even find peace in sleep.

“Luka!” She shook him until his blue eyes flew open.

“What?” He jolted up.

“I think you were having a nightmare.” Luka groaned, lying back down in her lap.

“This sucks,” He grumbled, turning and leaning his forehead against her stomach.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Kieran hated seeing him like this, but she had little to no idea how to help. After all he’d done for her, it hurt how helpless she found herself in this situation.

“Can we just stay like this?” He buried his face further into the fabric of her dress.

“Sure.” Her hand returned to his hair. Hearing him breathe a sigh of relief made her relax a little more. It was her turn to be there for Luka, and she swore she’d see it through until the end of this Wardance and they could return home.

“Are you alright?” Kieran burst into the lounge. The minute she’d watched Luka’s metal arm torn apart by Boothill’s bullets, her feet had moved to get to him. She didn’t take mind of the Trailblazer or Carmella who were also there, attention fully on her boyfriend.

“I’m alive,” He replied. Kieran had never seen him this shaken as she stepped closer. “I’d like some space though.” Her footsteps halted before she could reach him.

“Luka…” She hesitantly took another step forward. The other two people in the room had silently walked out, leaving just them. 

“Leave, Kieran!” She immediately stepped back. “Maybe it’s not as hard for you to acclimate to this place as it is for me because you grew up in the Overworld, but I don’t think you know what I’m going through.”

Kieran’s eyes narrowed and a slight frown crossed her lips. Luka recognized it as the same look she’d given him when they’d met—distrustful. It was only a moment before the expression fell back, almost like she’d caught herself and regretted it.

“Okay.” Kieran turned on her heel and left, leaving Luka to let out a sigh as the doors closed behind her.

Starskiffs flew by as Kieran leaned over a rail in Starskiff Haven. Her eyes mindlessly followed one until it was out of sight and she picked a new target for her gaze. Even if being on the Xianzhou wasn’t as stressful for her, that didn’t mean she’d been doing alright. Watching Luka struggle through his fights had hurt her too. She rarely saw him angry, and he’d never been angry at her. And she missed Belobog too. She wanted to see Gepard, Serval, Pela, and Natasha again.

“Miss Kieran?” She heard the familiar soft voice of Lynx.

“Hey, Lynxy, how have you been?” Kieran stood up straight to address the girl.

“The restoration of Igor’s jade abacus is going well, but it’s taking a while. I decided to take a look around. Is that what you’re doing too?”

“Sort of. Luka’s fight didn’t go well. He lost.”

“I would’ve thought you’d be on the Skysplitter then.”

“He doesn’t want me around. That was very clear.” Lynx patted Kieran’s hand on the railing.

“If it makes you feel better, Luka comes across as someone who puts on a strong front. He wants to stand on his own, even if he doesn’t have to.”

“Thanks, Lynx.” The two of them stood there, watching the starskiffs go by.

In the evening, Kieran and Lynx returned to the inn they were staying at. The Silvermane guard could hear Hook’s snores as Lynx opened the door to the room she was sharing with the little girl. Kieran slowly entered her own room, unsure if Luka was there yet. Closing the door behind her, she didn’t sense any sign of him. Kieran sighed, setting her sword and dagger on a table, taking off her coat, and discarding her boots. Just as she was about to head to the bathroom to get ready for bed, her ears perked up on the door opening.

“Hey,” Kieran said, pausing in the bathroom doorway as Luka entered.

“You’re still up.” The two of them stood at opposite ends of the room, staring at each other.

“Just got back with Lynx.” Kieran admitted she was afraid to close the distance between them after that morning. Fortunately, Luka did so in just a couple strides, taking her into his arms once he reached her.

“I’m sorry,” He whispered. Kieran let her body melt into his as she put her arms around him. “I shouldn’t have pushed you away like that.”

“I didn’t ask to live in the Overworld,” Kieran murmured, “It’s scary being lost in a place where you don’t know anyone.”

“I know. I’m happy that you, Hook, Lynx, and Svarog could come to the Xianzhou so I wouldn’t be alone.” Kieran moved her arms around his neck so she could pull him down into a gentle kiss.

“You’re forgiven,” She smiled after they parted, “Are you alright after that fight?”

“Some stuff happened. I’ll tell you all about it once we’re in bed. I’m exhausted.” Kieran nodded. Only once they were under the covers—her head leaning against his chest and his arm loosely wrapped around her waist—did Luka tell her about Huohuo and Mr. Tail and how they’d helped him regain his confidence. Kieran could hear his words begin to trail off.

“So you’re going to enter the repechage?”

“Yeah…going to win for Belobog.” Kieran’s fingers ran through bright red hair, finally pushing him into sleep.

“I can’t wait to see it.”

Standing at the edge of the ring with Carmella, Kieran could see the fighters walk off the field towards them—Luka being supported by Yanqing, and the Trailblazer right beside them. Her heart leapt the instant their eyes met and Luka grinned at her. She ran out from the sidelines to meet the group halfway, immediately going to embrace her boyfriend. He laughed as she ran into him, putting both arms around her. Yanqing peeled away, letting Kieran take Luka’s weight.

“You did it!” She beamed with pride, having to shout against the still cheering crowd.

“Now everyone will know Belobog’s name!” Luka shouted back. Kieran moved a hand up to his cheek, taking him in—exhausted and sweaty yet still utterly breathtaking to her.

“Can I kiss you?” Luka’s eyes widened, processing her words against the noise of the arena before slotting his lips against hers. A smile crossed the black-haired girl’s face as she pulled him closer. Both of them parted equally breathless.

“Everyone’s still watching, guys!” The Trailblazer broke them out of their trance, causing them to become cognizant of the sound of the crowd once more.

“Right,” Luka stuttered, slinging his arm over Kieran’s shoulder so she could help him back to the lounge. Once the Trailblazer was out of range, she hooked a finger under his collar, pulling him towards her slightly.

“I’m not done with you yet.” Her breath fanned across his ear, sending his heart into a whir and causing heat to rise to his face. She pressed a kiss to his cheek before releasing him again.