#she feels more robbed. like life took that from her. and she can't deny her own responsibility in becoming the person she's turned into.

[queencvbra]

You ever think about what kind of person Tory would have been if she had grown up with a stable home life and not seen / experienced a bunch of traumatic shit at a young age and didn't have all that responsibility forced on her since she was a literal child? Because she thinks about that a lot.

[belit0]

ahh, i just found out tobirama was about 40 when he became hokage! which makes him even hotter🤭. can you do a hokage tobirama and his young pregnant shy wife meeting his family and like people around the village

I need to EXPLICTLYYYY know where you got that information from bc confirming that he was a daddy brings a different flavor to his character🫠❤️‍🩹

For clarification purposes: Madara is blind in this piece. Hashirama healed Izuna before he died, under Madara's acceptance of peace, and Aniki never took his younger brother's eyes, preferring to go blind rather than steal his sight.

No one dares to look him in the eye, let alone question the possessive hand that won't let go of (Y/N)'s hips. Her belly is too prominent to deny the situation, but no one is used to seeing the current Hokage with his wife.

Senju Tobirama devoted himself to hiding the woman he promised as a bride, unable to tolerate stares at her and unfortunate comments. Both men and women would send lust and desire toward her, and he would have no way to stop them all. What better remedy than to shelter (Y/N) until his ownership is undeniable?

Tobirama can be quite capricious.

The man even went as far as not allowing his own older brother to meet her, Hashirama himself excluded from the equation. To think that the former Hokage could betray his younger brother like that was ridiculous to everyone, but it wasn't about lust with him. No.

Tobirama hid (Y/N) because he refused to lose the one ray of light in his life (after Anija's solar shower, of course). His past is made up of death and disappointment, built as an unfeeling weapon of war by his father, robbed of the ability to empathize with anyone until the creation of Konoha.

His wife brought a peace he didn't know he needed into his life, a breath of fresh air even as nations struggled to not cooperate with peace, freedom among so much horror and suffering. (Y/N) showed him that life could be spent out of survival mode, that he could relax for sleep and accept another person into his bed without danger.

Having found what he always sought without knowing it, Tobirama could not afford to lose it.

Keeping her away from everything and everyone (beyond his possible jealousy) was also composed by the need to protect her, to remove her from the spotlight that inevitably comes with being the Hokage's future wife, to prevent her from being used against him. The albino's attitudes were based on affection, but now that (Y/N) is round with his creation, full of him, he can't help but proudly display her.

He strolls through the market streets with his head held high and his wife tightly in his grip, shooting hostile glances at anyone who looks at them for more than five minutes at a time. Of course he expects people to be surprised, but he doesn't want her to end up with the evil eye either.

"Hokage-Sama! Here, here!" shouts a little old lady from his favorite food stall. He can't ignore people from his village, those who trust him, and comes up to her stall to give her a smile unbecoming of Tobirama. "You look very happy, Hokage-Sama!"

"Ah... how could a man not be, having such a beautiful woman by his side?" And (Y/N) blushes, waving slightly at the little old lady and trying to hide the redness of her cheeks behind the sleeve of her yukata.

The elderly woman smiles, and hands them both a small package of food without accepting anything in return, "here, here, take this, enjoy life!" She practically pushes them out of her stall, and they resume walking to the point they agreed on with Hashirama.

People stare and stare at them, some even dare to congratulate the Hokage, give him blessings, ask if he could feel how many children are there. Some inquiries make him uncomfortable, and with just a blunt look he gets rid of those prying eyes.

They receive more gifts along the way, offerings of love and respect, food and decorations, townspeople declaring their eagerness to meet the Hokage's offspring. Tobirama would not expect to have interacted with so many people in such a short distance, and his social battery is noticeably drained, squeezing (Y/N) more and more protectively against his body.

By the time they reach Hashirama's house, the Hokage no longer wants anything to do with anyone.

"Ayoooooo! Tobi! You made it!" his older brother waits for them sitting at the door, like a little kid waiting for his dad to come home from work. The problem is, Hashirama is not a child, and not little one either. He pounces on the two, wrapping his arms around them and pressing their faces to his chest, invasive and effusive as always but enhanced by (Y/N)'s presence.

"Aaaa! (Y/N)! Finally released from your confinement! It's so beautiful to finally meet you!" Anija lets go of him, only to squeeze her separately, give her kisses on the crown of her head and clench her cheeks like a grandmother. Yes, Hashirama could be compared to a grandmother. "Have you looked... I mean, in there? See what's in there? We could ask Izuna to-"

"No."

"But-"

"No. It's a surprise." Tobirama pulls (Y/N) out of his arms, and hugging her enters the house he knows by heart. He heads straight for the courtyard, where he knows Hashirama (who comes behind him with his head down and feigning sadness) enjoys afternoons of tea.

Of course, he does not expect the surprise his brother has prepared for him there.

The whole clan, the whole damn family is gathered around a huge table, different from the one Anija prefers for his solitary lunches. Sitting in the two main seats, the Uchiha brothers, who have no business in a Senju house, full of Senju men and women.

Is this what peace looks like? Graphically represented? Tobirama wants to vomit.

"TOBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!" He is greeted by his entire family as a whole, and the elders soon hover over both of them. Females kidnap (Y/N) to shower her with questions and love, all a carbon copy of how Hashirama behaves but boosted to the tenth.

The albino is also abducted, but by the young men and his older brother, who seems to have regained his cheerfulness. They sit him down in front of the Uchiha brothers, and it's like sending a cow to the slaughter.

"Tobi Tobes... I didn't know your family called you like that, neither that your wife was SO pregnant... He hides too many things from us, right Aniki?" Izuna starts, as usual, not missing a chance to poke him with whatever comes in front of him.

"Hm."

"How many children do you have there? 3? She's... prominent!"

"Get my wife out of your mouth before I make you remember why the war existed in the first place." It's a blunt threat, and the young men around him tense up. Peace is old at this point, but the habits of a life that no longer exists are hard to forget.

"He's joking! Yes, yes, he's kidding! No tobi?" Hashirama tries to disperse the waters, and it works, at least with those who don't know them inside out. Madara knows what's coming, and so does he somehow.

"You want me to see how many are there? With the Sharingan, I mean... it's not like I actually want to get inside-"

"Izuna. Enough." Aniki tries, and succeeds until the albino glares at his little brother.

"Madara... you're blind, but if only could you see the size of that woman's belly..."

"IZUNA!" This time it's Hashirama, who gets indignant every time the Uchiha speaks so lightly about his brother's eye condition. Maybe it's the way they both have of cooperating with the situation, but it's still terrible in his ears.

The Uchiha leader chuckles under his breath, and it's all the validation Izuna needs to go on.

"So, what do you say, Tobi Tobes, want to check it out?" and before he can activate his Dōjutsu, two huge branches stop them both. Tobirama, who was in the process of pulling out a kunai and jumping to his throat, is imprisoned in his seat. Izuna, about to reveal the mystery the couple wanted to keep, has a huge trunk wrapped around his head in the eye area.

"Fuck you."

"Fuck you too."

"Fuck all of you guys." And everyone turns around in surprise, because this time it's (Y/N) doing the talking. She puts a hand on her husband's shoulder, dodging the wood on him, and gives a pleasant smile to the Uchiha brothers. "We'll find out how many children are here at the time of delivery, for the time being, I appreciate your efforts, Lord Izuna."

[myalvmss]

⎯⎯ PROLOGUE, TRAVELING STAR ❞

DESC. y/n had been living her life as a detective, being extremely successful with her solved cases. however, she finds herself at the end of her path as she walked onto the next path of her new life.

WARNINGS. death, suicide, a little bit of swearing, gore

BUTTERFLY'S NOTE. this is mainly about y/n's backstory and her old life, information about how she died etc etc!! Lowercase intended. Also just a little heads up, a little rushed!!

LYRICS. "live fast, die young. bad girls do it well!" - Bad Girls by M.I.A.

PREV. ｟ MASTERLIST. ｠ NEXT.

Y/N is a full grown adult that lives alone in her apartment. as a detective, seventy nine percent of your life have you been using your brain. you never once tried following your heart, and it was expected you will never use it. because from what you thought, it was risky. and you can't risk your life falling into pieces of glass that can't be fixed. but did this mean y/n never had a partner in her life? yes, definitely. she was alone her whole life, mostly believing that she can take care of herself and become independent.

even her parents didn't care, but, it was expected for them. y/n hasn't heard from her parents for such a long time, she honestly assumed that they were out of country, or something. one thing for sure, y/n and her parents had officially cut ties from each other. during y/n's childhood and teenage years, y/n and her parents didn't specifically have a good relationship. it was like strangers living in one house. it awfully was quiet. nobody even talked during dinner, not has y/n even seen her parents talk to each other. It was obvious that her parents never loved each other. the relationship was only to satisfy her grandparents. even y/n herself was used to satisfy like some object. how rude!

currently, y/n was in her office as she skimmed through a few criminal records. she sighed, “how boring and predictable for these amateurs.” she muttured, setting down the useless criminal records on the table. all she saw in those criminal records were basically just robbing and other common crimes committed. it was like y/n wanted to handle a more serious case, it's just that.. actually, nevermind. she does, yet y/n herself denies it.

⎯⎯

it's been two hours. and finally, someone decided to report something. Y/n was called to come and arrive at a certain house, it was medium-sized and well kept. as y/n got out of her car, taking a few glances around the house. “the plants hasn't been watered for a span of two days.” y/n thought before ringing the doorbell. everything seemed so strangely unpleasant. it was always a feeling that y/n gets something is wrong, mostly occurs during investigations. the door opened, revealing a restricted crime scene where three policemen were there.

one of the few lessons y/n had learnt while studying criminology was to trust no one at all. she took a quick examine at the three policemen, before setting her eyes on the crime scene. it was a woman, who seems to be in her mid thirties.. hanged dead. “how did you get the report?” y/n asked, examining the cold body. “if you look at the body, the woman called before hanging herself. but we didn't have enough time to answer, all we could hear was the woman's mutters under her breath saying..”

“please help find my missing daughter one more time.”

⎯⎯

after a long time of investigating, it was already getting into a very late hour. yet it was assumed that the woman committed suicide after her daughter went missing. the woman called the police once and reported about it, however the investigation was closed off because she disappeared with no trace. after days of grief, the mother decided to kill herself. but y/n? oh, she's not the type to give up on a case like any other detective would. the request was given by the dead, and y/n will solve the case.

first, y/n decided to go search through the house. the missing girl was named amy, “what a beautiful name.” y/n thought despite the name 'amy' being very common. it still was beautiful. y/n walked into amy's room, searching around before she found an extra phone amy kept. it was locked, unfortunately. but that didn't stop y/n from trying. she decided to try and figure out the password, twenty minutes having to pass as y/n needed to wait the cooldown. as she waited, she flipped the phone and took off the casing, resulting in a piece of paper falling down to the ground. y/n picked up in time, it was written in nothing.

y/n raised an eyebrow. “curiouser and curiouser.” she spoke to herself. until an idea came to her mind.. y/n looked around the room, where she saw a case of pens, rulers and markers on the table. “bingo.” she searches through, later on finding a blacklight disguised as a marker. y/n turned it on, aiming at it towards the piece of paper. shining the blacklight at every single spot, until she stopped. starting to see the numbers, 8957. “smart girl. but not smart enough for me.” she chuckled, setting the password into the phone.

It thankfully unlocked. y/n searched through the phone contacts first, it was definitely a phone kept in secret from amy's parents. especially with the contacts only having one, which was a boy from what y/n sees. she looked into the chat, reading the messages. and the recent ones were just both of them wanting to meet up. “I think I know where this is going.” y/n thought. although this might be an assumption,

It was a definite piece of evidence to say this boy was a suspect. y/n read the recent messages, finding a location to where the two 'couple' was supposed to meet up at. y/n didn't wanna tell the police yet, she was only heading there to confirm. although this was dangerous, she can fight for herself and she had always knew that this job was dangerous considering how she is meddling with criminals.

but that never brought to the point where she stops. the location was definitely odd, yet this relationship between amy and the unknown boy was secret. the location there was awfully eerie, but it was a forest. it's expected and y/n got the usual feeling; where she feels like there's something wrong. “curiouser and curiouser.” but that feeling could never go against the will of you going further in. after a while of walking, she could hear sounds of a person stepping on fallen tree branches on the ground, y/n looked around.. she could barely see anyone at this time late at night, despite the fact she's holding a flashlight.

. . .

suddenly, someone was behind y/n, getting her caught off guard as they stabbed her through the vitals and abdomen. her eyes widened, feeling the knife pulling out. “shit..” y/n instantly fell to the ground, placing a hand on the stab wound on her chest as her blood started pouring out a whole lot. “y-you asshole..” she managed to speak, it was seriously a bad idea to even go out here at night, alone. she tried to face the person behind her, seeing a seventeen year old boy. “you're the boy who dated amy.. aren't you?” y/n questioned, as the boy chuckled with a little nod. “of course I am. i'm certainly impressed with your skills of finding out already,” and the boy answered. “but I can't let you live longer to tell this story.” he blurted out, before cutting the cord of y/n's life.

❝ That's how I met the end. But well..❞

or that's what y/n thought. the next thing she knew, she opened her eyes to see the beautiful eyes of a woman. “look at our baby girl right here.. she has beautiful eyes.” she smiled. “wh.. what's going on here?” she thought before recalling back the memories of her past self. it was long until y/n figured out she was reincarnated. but how? she didn't know how to answer that question. though, now, despite having the midset of a full grown adult who took criminology as a major, y/n had to act young. and that certainly wasn't gonna end well.

how did it end? well, due to her mindset of an adult, y/n ended up being seen as a born prodigy. learning big and long words already, and other talents she even develop. she grew older, her parents now in this current life was actually quite nice. they were.. surprisingly famous. y/n's mother was a famous ice skater, who though had to take break due to her pregnancy. however now, she can continue back her ice skating career. while for y/n's father — he was extremely good at martial arts, even taking part in archery competitions. now isn't that great?

even for y/n, she was able to learn those things thanks to the both of them. how incredible, with those talents, y/n can definitely end up in the entertainment industry. but what was she specifically gonna choose? well, that's a question asked for later. but right now, y/n wasn't known to the public just yet. well, the whole relationship thing between y/n's parents were also kept a secret ever since they were teenagers. it was just that.. they're just not ready to reveal it.

⎯⎯

It's been a few years now since y/n had adapted to this, new life. despite being still quite young, she was heading to the bakery near her home, using the main central streets. however, she stopped? looking at the massive commercial TVs on the building, it was only nothing but sad news. ai hoshino was murdered. y/n raised an eyebrow, wondering how exactly was she murdered. she needed details, and it was expected for this young girl to want details. not because she was such a crazy fan of ai hoshino — it was because of her past little detective occupation. however, she couldn't help but pity the ones who was dear to ai. she was devastated too, but she surely knew she could get over it. but one thing that came out from her mouth;

“curiouser and curiouser.”

TAGLIST:

@nambii @sandronebabyy

[deansmom]

The fact that the spn fandom is entirely incapable of a nuanced discussion involving Dean and the relationship with his mother shouldn’t surprise me as much as it did when I came back to fandom, and as much as it still does when I’m forced to see it with my own two eyeballs

Mary Winchester was a person before she was a mother, and I’m going to be so honest with you, I think by the time she died, John didn’t like who that person was. So I think when she died, he did what a lot of people do, which is put the person they lost on a pedestal. And that’s who Dean grew up hearing about, that’s what all of his memories of his mom were contextualized with, this person who didn’t exist. And so then his mom comes back and I think it’s very, very clear to Dean almost immediately that this isn’t the same person John told him about.

In the real world, we have no context to draw from and nothing to compare it to, the experience of getting a dead parent back and to be part of your life again. We can’t know how he felt beyond what we were shown in canon - So of course Dean is thrilled, but he’s also a Winchester and deeply traumatized, and tries so hard to make it seem normal and not internalize his complicated feelings about her and her being alive. He’s dealing with:

Grappling with losing the mother he was told she was and resenting mary for it because she’s standing in front of him

Realizing that John robbed so much from him by denying him the version of his mother who feels like looking in a mirror

The guilt of how and why mary is there

Trying to reconcile his feelings of resentment and anger that he knows should be directed at John, but John’s not there, so they end up getting directed at mary, and feeling bad about that

A deeply traumatized inner child who has his safe person back, and just wants his mom to hold him and tell him it’s going to be okay, but he knows that isn’t fair to ask of her

And meanwhile mary was dealing with

✨trauma✨ from being brought back to life

Having to confront her own failures as a parent (which is silly it’s not her fault she died but y’know, feelings tend to be silly)

Having to reconcile her toddler with the man in front of her who’s older than her being her son

Seeing so much of John’s worst qualities in both of them and recognizing the trauma of a shitty dad

The fact that they had this idea of who she was, and it’s nothing like her at all, and trying to understand why John would lie to them while also probably coming to terms with what looks like confirmation of her own worst fears about who she was as a parent

I cannot stress this enough: the last time her feet touched the ground, she had been married, with a new baby, and a 4 year old, she wasn’t a hunter, John barely knew about hunting, and it was the 80’s. She woke up in what, 2017 and her husband’s dead, her babies are grown men (again: older than her!!!) and the most prolific hunters in the world. Oh, also, angels? God? The afterlife?? Funny story! Like I’m sorry, you wanted her to have well-adjusted coping skills for that????

The Mary hate just gets me because she’s Dean in a different font, and so many of y’all hate her for such superficial bullshit that you could let go of if you took 5 seconds to think about the situation critically for both of them. The only bad guy here is, was and will always be John Winchester. John was there, but Mary tried her best. Mary tried to do what was best for them when she left, because she didn’t want to damage their idea of who she was anymore than she had. Mary literally died trying to save Sam from the destiny that heaven had written for him - John couldn’t be bothered to think about his kids.

And if you think that Dean ever genuinely hated Mary, your critical thinking skills need some work. The thing that prompts his speech in 12.22 is Mary saying to his younger self, “I only want good things for you, Dean. I'll never let anything bad happen to you.” So he says

I hate you. And I love you. 'Cause I can't – I can't help it. You're my Mom. And I understand...'cause I have made deals to save the ones I love more than once.

I forgive you. I forgive you. For all of it. Everything. On the other side of this, we can start over, okay? You, me, Sam. We can get it right this time. But I need you to fight. Right now, I need you to fight. I need you – I need you to look at me, Mom. I need you to really look at me and see me. Mom, I need you to see me. Please.

Translation: “you’re right. I resent you for not being the person I was sold, I resent you for your death being the thing that ruined dad, I resent you for being the touchstone for so many of heaven’s plans for us. I resent you because you’re here, and John isn’t, and it’s easier to hate someone tangible than someone dead. And if I hate you, it’s only because I can see so much of myself in you, and I’m so incredibly angry that John treated us the way he did. My whole world, my whole identity revolves around you being someone that you never were, and wrapping my head around that is scary, but when I pull my head out of my ass and look around, you were just a kid. And you did your best, you’ve always tried to do what’s best for me and Sam, and I don’t hate you. I don’t know if I like you right now because you’re a stranger, which is scary - but I love you. So please, mom, I’m sorry that I’ve been taking my bullshit out on you. Just… try. For me. Please.”

Anyways!!! You guys don’t deserve Mary.

[alrightbuckaroo]

our love's a protective poison

Yet another cross post from ao3 that I have needed on this blog for months now. Can't believe it took me this long to move this one here! Anyways, hope you enjoy reading it as much as I did writing it <3

Gwyneth Morgan loves her son; that is an uncontested fact.

Tyler Kennedy Stand is his father’s son; that is also, an uncontested fact.

Gwyn loves her son, even though he has a tendency to act just like his father. Gwyn loves her son, even when he has a tendency to act just like his father.

Owen Strand had always been a pusher, always found a way to push things down.

When he and Gwyn were married, he would start the day with 50 push-ups. He would stretch the limits of their trash can, pushing down the grime until no more space could be filled. He pushed down trauma, suppressed it. Owen Strand is still a pusher, but for a moment Owen Strand beams more of a fighter.

He fought fires, he fought demons. He fought, and fought, and fought, and fought.

Eventually, he started fighting with her. 

Gwyneth Morgan had always been a pusher; always found a way to push through things.

When her job announced a company wide lay-off, she pushed through the bad days until the days were good again. When she realized that she and Owen might not make it, she pushed until she couldn’t push anymore.

When she found TK, strung out and barely lucid in that drug-den; she pushed the confides of her love as far as she could. Then she pushed herself even more.

TK was a little bit different.

TK Strand had always been a runner, always found a way to run.

He played little league, at the request of himself, but maybe also Owen too.

Gwyn remembers the first time he hit a home-run. Owen and Gwyn watched him run around the bases. He slid into first, though he didn’t really need to. Gwyn knew it was going to be a nightmare getting those dirt stains out; but when TK smiled up at her, she decided that it was worth it.

TK was in winter choir; always vying for a solo. Gwyn would hear him practice his runs, day in and day out. Gwyn won’t deny that listening to him singing all day every day became a bit grating. But, when TK got the solo and saw her sitting there in the audience, video camera pulled up. Well, the smile he smiled was worth it. Even if it was a little dimmed due to the empty seat next to her.

TK was a runner. He ran, and ran, and ran, and ran.

Until eventually, he ran from her.

Maybe Gwyn should of seen it coming. With both her and Owen being pushers, maybe it makes sense that he was more of a runner. He saw what pushing did to the both of them, straining them, even if it was in the best way.

Maybe running had always made more sense.

—

One day, Owen calls her, tells her that TK is in a coma. Again.

He tells her that it’s going to be okay.

Gwyn laughs in disbelief, the sound jagged. “How can you be so sure?”

“He’s pushed through before, and he’ll push through again.” Owen answers, simply. “You know, he gets it from you.”

Gwyn considers it, maybe TK is a pusher after all.

—

Gwyn watches on as Jonah, TK and Owen display family is never just blood. She watches, knowing that there’s a special type of love she felt for each of them at some point in her life. Gwyn watches TK; his eyes mirroring his father’s.

Carlos is standing next to her; the silence they’re both sitting in comfortable but leaving Gwyn wanting more.

“He gets it from his dad, you know?” Gwyn mutters to Carlos, taking a sip of her lemonade. “Pushing things away before they push him away.”

“Gwyn,” Carlos feels like his breath has been robbed from him. “You have to know, I would never,”

“No,” Gwyn reaches out, places her warm hand against Carlos’ arm to steady him. “I know. I just need you to know. He loves you, no matter how much he might try to push you away, he loves you and he knows that he does.”

Carlos watches TK. “How can you be so sure?”

Gwyn smiles, “He is his father’s child.” Gwyn shrugs, “And maybe his mother’s too.”

Gwyn continues to watch TK and Owen, “I don’t know, I just think sometimes he has so much love inside, he thinks he needs to push it down. Don’t worry, you’ll always be the one he’ll want to run back to.”

Carlos knows Gwyn is telling him this for TK’s sake; but maybe she knows Carlos needs to hear it too. “Thank you, Gwyn.” “Anytime, just,” Gwyn takes another sip of her lemonade. “Call me if you ever need anything? Okay?”

Carlos hears the unspoken offer. “Okay.”

—

Carlos is sitting in the dark, watching over TK as his chest moves up and down. How do you comfort someone who’s mother has just died.

Carlos softly walks into the living room, continuing to sit in the dark. He has his phone in his hand. He doesn’t know what to do or what to say, or how to help. He doesn’t know what to do during a time like this.

He unlocks his phone and calls the only person he can think of.

Carlos listens to the phone ring on the other line; knowing no one will pick up. Eventually, he’s greeted by the voicemail.

“Gwyn,” He releases her name with a shaky breath. “You said I could call you if I ever need anything and right now I need you more than ever.” He listens to the whine of the phone call; the silence uncomfortable. “I don’t know what to do.” 

He knows he’ll never get an answer back; but maybe just saying the words out loud is what he needed. He doesn’t know what to do but he doesn’t need to feel weighed down by the unsaid truth of it all anymore. He hangs up the call.

He gently paces around the living room before he finds himself staring at a photo. He looks at Owen, Gwyn, TK, Jonah and himself.

“No it’s fine.” Carlos had argued when Owen asked him to jump in. “It’s a family photo.”

“Exactly.” Gwyn agreed. “So get in here.”

Carlos picks up the photo and smiles to himself. He remembers what Gwyn once told him, about how TK can be overflowing with love because Gwyn was always overflowing with love. Love for Owen, love for Jonah, and love for TK.

Maybe the best thing Carlos can do, is to keep that love flowing.

[beevean]

@hypermascbishounen

Interesting how the concept of the gifted child and the consequences of being favored is at the core of all the major rivalries in CV.

Hugh seethed when his father gave the Hunter Whip to Nathan and not to him, which lead him to feel worthless, and Camilla used that jealousy to corrupt him.

Maxim wanted to become better than Juste, but for the sake of relieving him of his "cursed" fate, so he took it into his own hands... which lead to nothing but disaster. Of course, Evil Maxim implies that he was born also from Maxim's own resentment against Juste and the "wall" that had been erected between them once he got the Vampire Killer. I also find fascinating that the worst ending has Juste technically accomplishing his fate as a hunter, but utterly failing as a friend, cursed by Evil Maxim to hunt for the rest of his life because that's clearly the only thing he's good for.

Isaac was jealous of Hector being Dracula's favorite, but Hector himself hated being Dracula's favorite because it came at the price of his self. This jealousy is what makes him obsessed with Hector and wanting to defeat him, but there is also the irony of the favorite one being the one who threw everything away because being appreciated simply wasn't worth the turmoil, the guilt and the dehumanization.

And at first Albus is framed as being jealous that Shanoa got to be picked for the Dominus ritual over him, but in reality, he wanted to protect her from it - being Barlowe's chosen one meant that she was to be sacrificed. (I see the parallels with Dracula and the Forgemasters so clearly but I can't word...)

HoD as a prequel to RoB/SoTN shows well the cracks that were starting to form in the family. Juste's own theme is not called "Successor of Fate" for nothing. However, Maxim seems to be more concerned than Juste is: and while on the surface it might seem that the latter is not very fleshed out, to me he seems to be rather... hyperfocused at best, and in denial at worst. He wants to get the job done. He has no time for Maxim's doubts: they have to save Lydie. And after Lydie is saved, well, you don't want to trouble her, do you, Maxim? Let's leave all of this behind us :) it's all fine :) we won and now we're happy together :)

(which is why I find the worst ending fascinating, on top of it being utterly depressing. It's the only ending where Juste can't hide his own feelings: not only in the best ending he outright prevents Maxim from telling Lydie what happened, but in the "mid" ending, she convinces him that blaming himself is the same as blaming Maxim, so Juste can put on a mask for her sake. In the worst ending, it's only him, his guilt, and the rest of his life)

I'm not sure if Juste was deliberately meant to evoke Alucard as a character (Juste may look like Alucard 2.0 because that's Kojima's type lol, same with Hector being Masc Alucard), but Alucard himself was meant to echo the Belmont legacy and its issues, with Richter being the symbol of them - as I said, Alucard himself feels pressured to honor Lisa's wish, even if it causes him great pain. But while Richter eventually could not deny that his sense of self-worth is tied to his destiny to fight... Juste still has the chance to hide from what his name entails, and be nothing but the perfect Belmont successor.

[father-time-and-baby-new-year]

rhinestone eyes

PAIRING: Rich Boy!Eren x Fem!Reader

WARNINGS [present+future]: infidelity, dubcon, gaslighting, manipulative and toxic behavior, toxic relationship, sexual content, yandere tendencies, suggestive hand-holding

part one

kofi

There's a sneer on Eren's face as green eyes behind Versace aviators glide over your form, staring you up and down. His gaze is so penetrative, it makes your teeth chatter. Maybe he was just checking you out. Maybe he was scrutinizing every blemish.

You suddenly feel so very small in your tennis skirt, the tight collared shirt stretching over your breasts, and wished that today out of all days wasn't when you decided to dress a little more stylish.

"Fancy seeing you here." His voice is nonchalant but there's a tone of humor that accompanies his brisk words. How long would it be until he laughs at you?

He scowls, "Are you mute or something? Why aren't you greeting me back properly?"

"Eren," You took a deep breath, "What are you doing in Paris?"

It occurs to you that you've never seen him out of his uniform before. He's wearing a light blue button-down, half the buttons left unfastened, polo shorts, an expensive black watch glittering on his wrist, silver rings on his slender fingers, and a thin silver chain dangling around his neck.

He's also acquired a new piercing, industrial, judging by the bar across his ear. The silver glints harshly under the sun.

"Are you done burning holes through me?"

You blush, embarrassment coloring your cheeks: "No, I'm just surprised." You tucked a loose lock of hair behind your ear, "Didn't expect to run into anyone I knew in another country."

You were just taking a pleasant walk in the acclaimed Champs-Élysées, the avenue every bit as a picture-perfect postcard as it had been described.

"Have you eaten?" The question is spoken with a sigh like he couldn't believe he was asking you this, and you couldn't either.

"Oh, um, no?" You responded, bewildered.

He runs a hand through his dark hair, which reached the nape of his neck by now: "I know a cafe around here. Let's get brunch. We'll talk there."

You don't know what possessed you to nod but you did so, trying to match his quick and long strides. The walk was silent, presumably because the two of you were saving your burning questions for the cafe.

He rolls his eyes when you stutter through your French. He raises a hand, and simply tells the waiter his order and dismisses him. His French is flawless and you're tempted to ask him how it's so good, but you already know the answer. Probably had hordes of tutors to help him.

Merci Monsieur

"Wait," You remark to Eren, "I didn't order."

"I ordered for us. Pain au chocolate, savory crepes, eggs, and ham. Coffee after. For me. Hot chocolate for you because you don't drink coffee."

Oh. That actually sounds good. How did he know your beverage preferences?

He fishes out a cigarette from his pocket, skinny and hand-rolled, "So what are you doing here? No offense but you don't exactly seem like you can afford a vacation to France. "

Now is your turn to sigh. You've nearly forgotten how blunt he could be: "Here on an internship. For art" You supply.

"I assume you just regularly come to Paris every summer?"

He doesn't deny or verify your statement, "Something like that."

"So you're staying at a hostel or?" He asks, exhaling a thick cloud of smoke that makes your nose wrinkle.

The waiter comes by with food, and you turn to Eren with a sour look, "I sincerely hope you're not going to smoke while we're eating."

To your utter surprise, he ashes the cigarette. You were expecting a witty and mean retort at the very minimum, not silent compliance.

You pick up the earlier conversation, "Well, I'm actually staying with my boyfriend." You mummer the last word quietly but the viridian-eyed boy's ears are keen. You don't notice how his grip on the knife tightens.

"You're staying with your boyfriend?" He repeats.

You nod, "Yeah, he's an art student too."

The rest of the meal is completed in sparing small-talk and lengths of silence. But it's not awkward. It's weird. On one hand, having brunch with Eren Yeager in fucking Paris, heir to a billionaire pharmaceutical company should feel surreal, but it's strangely peaceful. You feel more at peace sitting across from him in France than you did when he sat next to you in homeroom.

When it's time to pay the check, Eren looks amused by the very notion of you digging into your purse.

"What kind of gentleman would I be if I let the lady pay?" His words are spoken with a teasing smile.

You roll your eyes but can't help a glimmer of a smile from peeking through on your lips, "Didn't take you much for a gentleman."

He tosses his black card on the bill, "You'd be surprised."

What's there left to do now? Is it time to part ways? There's a part of you that craves more but life has taught you to not be greedy when you already have so so much.

You dabble the corner of your lips with a napkin, "Well, this has been fun-"

"Wait, uh, do you wanna check out the Louvre? Since you're an art student and all, you might uh enjoy it."

You stare at him. Is he tongue-tied?

"You've probably there been a million times already."

"Yeah...but you haven't been, right?"

You blink before breaking into a smile that Eren is sure is going to give him heart palpations, so sunny and bright.

"I would love to!"

You guys check out Mona Lisa for the sheer novelty, and you're bouncing around the museum, oohing and ahhing at the chiseled statues and Renaissance paintings. There is so much history here, it blows your mind.

Eren finds himself watching you more than the paintings. You have this veneer of snark that you wrap around yourself like a protective gauze (maybe that's how you maintain your survival in a world of hyenas) but you're different now.

You're yourself. Watching you here come alive in unbridled enthusiasm, eyes widened in passion, makes him reach out to his pocket and fish for his disposable film camera. He doesn't know if he's ever seen anyone in his vapid life look like the way you do, so filled with a zest for things that are greater than themselves.

He wants to burn you into his memory, praying to all the gods that you won't notice when he takes a picture of you admiring a bust of a goddess. He slyly tucks his camera back into his pocket.

The world seems to stand still when you tug his hand to show him a painting, an expression of unadulterated wonder on your face. But when you realize you pulled his hand, you immediately drop it like hot coals.

Why do you look so worried? Why do you look so scared?

"You can hold my hand if you want. It's-it's okay." He can't believe he's gotten the words out.

You're taking too long, your hands still hanging limply by your side, an indiscernible expression on your pretty face. Eren doesn't understand why it makes him so mad, why your sudden hesitation grated his nerves. Deciding to make your choice for you, he grabs your hand, squeezing your palm as he flashes you the charismatic smile that's got him out of countless incidents.

He doesn't like the expression of worry marring your features. Where did the happy jovial girl go? Just a few seconds, you were poking him with sparkles in your eyes, "Look at this Eren!" and "So beautiful, right?"

He forces another smile: "Show me the painting you wanted me to see." Maybe it was meant to be a request but it comes out as a demand.

You cast a glance at your joined hands, his grip borderline painful. "O-okay."

You lead him across the floor, and Eren can feel the stares of people around him. They are smiling. An older woman utters a "Un si charmant couple."

You take him to a grand painting. It's haunting and dark, swirling with so many shades of dusty red from vermillion to scarlet. A pregnant woman lies reclined, arm hanging and head lolling. She appears to be asleep, and there is a cacophony of men around her portrayed in varying degrees of stress.

"Death of a virgin", you breathed.

Such a macabre name, Eren thought as he gazed longer into the painting. He loosens his grip on your hand, testing whether you would pull away.

You don't.

It's raining outside and you're giggling.

"Fuck" Eren swears, "I'll call a cab."

You're a vision drenched in rain. Your clothes are soaked, and he could see the outline of your bra from your thin shirt. But it seems like you don't even care.

"Let's just enjoy it!" You cry out. There are thick droplets stuck in between your eyelashes, and you smell like rain too. It's dangerous, he can see chords of purple lightning flash the sky, thunder booming, and it's like you're dancing, the way you move so effortlessly.

You hook his hands in yours, "Doesn't this feel good?"

He feels like all his sins are being washed away, all the impurities and muck that clung onto him after nineteen years of existence. His heart nearly jumps out of his throat every time he looks at you.

He cups your chin and kisses you. When he feels the threadbare resistance, he kisses harsher, tongue and teeth swallowing your protests, coaxing your mouth open with a skillful pinch to your nipple. He pulls away just before you feel like all your breath has been robbed.

You're stunned speechless, "Eren...I...h-have a boyf-"

He kisses you again. And this time you kiss back, holding nothing back.

taglist: @candy-hime @cinnamon-n-roses @forwardpair

inspo: @candy-hime's rich boy!shoto. the iconic golf club one <3

[yandere-sins]

OKAY WHAT IF our vampire decides it's finally time to turn her and she plays along as if she's docile, then bolts at the first oppurtunity to leave he immediately catches her and locks her back into her room, but this time he's with her maybe then he can't resist anymore and it leads to some smut? If you don't write smut maybe it leads to cuddling which isn't relaxed at all, in which he holds her tightly his sharp nails brushing along her neck while he whispers into her ear about their future

Thanks for the request! I hope you understand that I just don’t like sprinkling requests with full lemons anymore. I either write normal requests, depending on it also with suggestive content, or things centered around the lemon. I don’t want to mix it anymore for multiple reasons. So I hope you can enjoy this nonetheless ♥ 

»»————-———— ♡ ————————-««

“What were you even thinking?” he asked, and you simply groaned in return. After all, you had long given up talking to him, or maybe your vocal cords were too worn out after the days of screaming and crying. Not that he minded any of it, every sound of you being nothing but a beautiful orchestra of your feelings.

Undoubtedly, it had been the risk he had made, leaving your room door open. He knew that technically, you could have made a run for it. Some part of it was expecting it, and really, could you blame him? He had to be separate from you for days! If you didn’t get food, neither did him. After all, you two were in this together. Something inside of him must have longed to see you running, your heart rate rising after being so low for a while now.

Helping you ‘escape’ intentionally or not, your journey had was short-lived as you ran against one of the hallway decorations, miserably falling to the ground for him to find you. Immediately, he was worried sick about you, but your ability to still groan at him showed that you were more or less fine.

You were so incredible light now, nothing like before. Even in the dark, he could see you just fine, noting all the dehydration, malnutrition, and exhaustion in your body. If you had been out there in the village, you would have been nothing but easy prey. But inside his mansion, you were safe - even if not for much longer.

Setting you back down on your bed, the vampire gave the state of your room no mind. You sure had havocked in it, but this wasn’t even close to what you’d do to it once the Turning started. This trial of running away had robbed you of your last strength as it seemed, only the mattress was able to hold you up as your body got swallowed by it. To some, you probably looked like a half-dead already, but to him, you were still beautiful.

“It’s time,” he whispered, climbing over you, inside the bed too. This wasn’t as pretty as you might have read in those romanticized books that made you so curious about vampires in the first place, but it would do. Spooning you from behind, he took a deep breath of your scent, rubbing his nose into the back of your head. He’d miss it, the human aspects of your scent. “You’ll still smell good, I promise,” he assured you without you having questioned it in the first place.

“But the undead always have a bit of a rotten after smell you see. Nothing we can do about it, aside from putting on perfume. Then again - you don’t need that. It only clogs my nostrils and keeps away your natural blood scent.”

Snaking his arm under your head, he made sure to pull you closer against his chest, your bodies fitting so perfectly into each other. Just like pieces of a puzzle, and you barely shuddered under his touch too. If only you could have seen yourself at that time, the image burning into his mind.

“It’s going to be over soon,” he promised you.

Perhaps, it would be painful, he could not deny it. Dragging his fingers along your jawline, he wished he could take the pain from you as soon as it began. Still, it was the cost of transformation, and it was small in comparison to the results. “The fangs will break your jaw, and your hand-” he picked it up, letting your lifeless fingers play over his. “-will break its knuckles to grow. There’s also your ankles, and it will get cold very fast. But that’s about it, everything else is minor.”

Leaning up, he kissed your earlobe, humming pleasantly. “When the poison reaches your heart… Now, that is a sensation! A strange mix of it tightening, yet exploding at the same time. No one else but us has the chance to feel that, it’s an honor!”

Kissing your temple, he proceeded to work his way down your face and to your shoulders, slowly, really taking in the feeling of your puls still bumping through your skin. “You’ll come out as a marvelous beauty, a never-dying rose. And you will be with me forever, we will have all the fun in the world once your eyes sharpen again after a few years, their mutation finishing, instincts growing bigger. I can already see you hunting and covered in blood- oh, are those goosebumps?”

Snickering, he gave the nape of your neck a big kiss, licking his tongue over the spot in preparation. “Yes, I am excited too, my Darling. This will be wonderful. Our life will be finally come true.”

A shudder ran through you, which seemed like a last attempt of breaking away from him, but he was dead set now. Maybe, if you hadn’t tried running away, you hadn’t let out his fear of losing you again. Perhaps you could have stayed human for a little longer. Ideally, you would have been as good as dead when he started turning you. But now, even if that meant you’d feel the poison doing its work much more than without your conscience, he had to do this. Even just to bind him to you.

And only for a while longer was he able to contain himself, listening to your heart beating and the blood flowing, something he’d miss terribly. Until he opened his eyes again, dark, shining orbs in the unlit room, instincts peaking as he waited for the right moment to bury his fangs into you, taste your delicious blood, feel you hitch your last breath in his arms.

And release you into this new life he anticipated for you two.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jac & Amelia

Jac: what did you do that for Amelia: What? Jac: the presents Amelia: I had to go 🎁🛍 for my parents and it took like 10 minutes Jac: you went to three different shops, at least Amelia: yeah because what else was I going to do before they picked me back up Jac: study for your theory Jac: be one Amelia: 🥱 Jac: I ain't got you nothing Amelia: I don't want anything Jac: then that's a present in itself, I guess Amelia: yeah, you getting another from me by taking the out you were just given Jac: it was already 3-1 do you really have to add to your score Amelia: Always Jac: 🙄 Jac: were you invited then Amelia: to? Jac: Is' party Amelia: Yeah Amelia: but I don't know if it was by Is or her mum Amelia: or if we're talked enough that she'd really want me there Jac: yeah Jac: interesting choice, on her part Amelia: If I get there and her mum engineered it or it's obvious Is doesn't want me around I'll just give her the 🎁 and go Jac: you're going? Amelia: I have the 💌 I think I have to Jac: unlucky then Amelia: don't worry, I won't insist that you're my date Amelia: as a favour Jac: to her, so that's not another gift to me Amelia: it definitely is Amelia: you don't want to go Jac: wasn't invited Jac: but I do have somewhere better to be, which is unlucky for you Amelia: I'm not inviting you or mourning the loss of not having you with me Jac: well I was going to invite you to a party that wouldn't be sad as shit Jac: but if that's how you feel then alright Amelia: no you weren't Jac: Why would I say I was if I weren't, weirdo Jac: you know those really cool twins in 6th, Nat and Vee? Amelia: because I've already said I have to go to Is' and I don't really want to and you want to make me feel even worse Amelia: here's what I could've won Jac: Rude Jac: At Christmas, you have to tell the truth Jac: I thought you might wanna come and stare at them Jac: that's all Amelia: my parents literally lied to me about 🎅 for 8 years so no, you don't Amelia: and I don't know who you mean Jac: you can't lie about myths Jac: he could be real, they can't confirm nor deny Jac: anyway, yes you do Jac: Vee especially is pretty gay looking, she's Bi, I think Jac: [sends her these gals pictures] Amelia: if there's mistletoe I'll come Amelia: after I've been to Is' Jac: they throw really good parties, so I've been informed Jac: don't waste too much time then Amelia: okay Jac: I knew you'd like her Amelia: you sound like a really creepy mastermind in a lair Jac: I do live below ground now so Amelia: you can be mole, I'll be rat Jac: I suppose you've just been as insulting to yourself Amelia: 😂 Amelia: I'd have bought you that 📖 too but I know you've already read it Jac: It's good to have as many classics under your belt as possible Amelia: How did you know I'd like her? Jac: I've got eyes, don't need to be a huge gay Amelia: you just need to be hugely 🥴 Jac: Nah, I fucked their brother Amelia: I meant to 'like' anyone, I don't want or need to know that Jac: 🤷 Amelia: I'm serious Jac: Alright whatever Jac: and it's not true anyway, if it was I wouldn't be in this fucking mess would I Amelia: what mess? Amelia: you're going to need to be more specific Jac: ha ha Jac: if I only liked people when I was wasted, literally would not be here having this conversation Amelia: you're having this conversation because you can't bring yourself to say thanks for the gifts, Amelia Jac: If you expected a thank you, you wouldn't have given them to me Jac: if Sav was still here, this wouldn't be happening at all, is the point Amelia: we're dancing around it, that's okay, I'm a good dancer Jac: you aren't that good, humblebrag Amelia: at Christmas, you have to tell the truth, supposedly Jac: what, your ego is big but not big enough to deal? 😏 Amelia: giving me a compliment won't cause you to immediately wither and die, I'm sorry Jac: Precisely why I'd never bother, my dear Amelia: you've done enough anyway Jac: have I Amelia: I'll get loads at the parties Jac: cocky Amelia: I'm thinking they can't all be unwanted ones, naïve or optimistic if anything Jac: probably Jac: least you won't have to help Isabelle blow out her candles Amelia: if her mum made the cake they'll probably be lopsided and a 🔥 hazard Jac: true Jac: they usually tasted pretty good though Amelia: true Amelia: I'll stay for some Jac: don't offer to get me a party bag then Amelia: I'll just do it, whether you say you want one or not Jac: gift giving is your top love language, I get it Amelia: I just know you, that's all Jac: you know that I'm fat, is it Amelia: oh please Amelia: I'm not giving you a compliment that easily or obviously Jac: I'm probably not in the mood to work for it Amelia: 🤷 Jac: 🥱 Amelia: if you've got something better to do, go do it Jac: getting ready for the party, aren't I Jac: avoiding my family Amelia: right Jac: everything's always an ulterior motive with you Amelia: no it's not Jac: why can't we just have a conversation then Jac: we've done worse Amelia: because you're not in the mood evidently Jac: you're the one that's got fuck all to say Amelia: everything's always my fault with you Jac: I'm bored and you're doing nothing about it Amelia: that isn't my first priority Jac: then I'll find someone who's it is Amelia: okay Jac: 👏 Amelia: Sav's not here, remember Jac: don't bother coming to this party Jac: and if you show anyway, don't bother coming to find me Amelia: It wasn't about you, it's about the hosts Jac: I invited you, not them Amelia: and now you've uninvited me so same difference Jac: doesn't magically mean you're wanted Jac: I'm not gonna just turn up at Isabelle's house Amelia: I'm used to the feeling by now, so again, it's not going to bother me Jac: you're all being extra infuriating today Jac: jesus christ Amelia: yeah well Amelia: I don't know what to say to Is or to do Jac: you can't do anything Jac: but she's literally the most forgiving person to doormat degrees Jac: you'll barely have to say anything and she'll happy cry Amelia: Please come Jac: She won't wanna see me Amelia: re-read what you wrote before that Jac: it's different Jac: I'm not going to make her be my friend and forgive me, just because I know she would Jac: you didn't do anything wrong, really Amelia: I walked away, that's worse than anything you did Jac: it really isn't Jac: I'm too drunk now even if Jac: I'd only be a bitch by accident if not on purpose Amelia: at least wait for me then Amelia: we can go to the other party together Jac: Jesses got a show tonight Amelia: I know, I was invited to that too Amelia: everyone is Jac: not me Jac: I can't be here when they're leaving or everyone will try to force me and I'll die Jac: Jude is bad enough Amelia: Go to my 🏠 no ones there Jac: where are your parents Amelia: some dinner party thing Jac: alright Jac: thanks Amelia: I'll be back to get you after Is' Amelia: and my parents won't get back until we've left Jac: I can be gone before you, I just don't want to be here Jac: and Jude owes you her life so you can cash that in whenever you want Amelia: I don't want you to go without me or before me Jac: as long as it's for the right reasons Amelia: what are they? Jac: you know Jac: I'm just saying, if you're just saying that because you think I need to be on suicide watch or something too then I'll just have to hit you instead Amelia: I'm saying it because nobody shows up to cool parties early Jac: okay Jac: I'll wait Amelia: if you go through my 🎨 I'll be the one hitting you Jac: you shouldn't have said that Jac: but alright Jac: your parents are going to think I'm robbing you if they come back Jac: your mum better not get one of her famous migraines Amelia: I'm in danger of that if anyone is, don't worry Amelia: and it's clients of my dad's so she can't Amelia: he needs the 💸 Jac: take a nurofen and shut the fuck up 🐠 Jac: gotcha Amelia: 😂 Amelia: it's beyond unfair that she pretends to get them and I actually do Jac: it's because you're gay Jac: [that article 'cos it's true lmao] Amelia: oh my god Jac: actual proof of punishment from god or something else, you decide 🤔 Amelia: shhh Jac: oh, I'm sorry, is it your head Jac: I'll be quiet Amelia: no exorcist-ish apologies tonight will do fine Amelia: the dark room is being supplied Jac: at least you got one Jac: Jess is probably still waiting Amelia: he can hold his breath for a really long time 🏊🏼 Jac: helps with the singing Amelia: the show'll be online right? Amelia: I totally want to see it Jac: no doubt Jac: everything is Amelia: yeah, I figured Amelia: does that girl who's like obsessed with him still help him edit or did he finally pick up on her weirdness? Jac: I think she's still around Jac: I don't really ask Amelia: she's intense Jac: I hadn't really noticed but yeah Jac: I guess she is Amelia: maybe that's because I'm gay too Amelia: I could solve crimes Jac: no because it's only 'cos I was so into Sav that I don't know anything about it Amelia: that makes sense, I was so into you that I know too much about it Jac: that's not about me Jac: sounds like part-timer energy tbh Amelia: he's your brother Amelia: in your ⚪ Jac: if you say so Jac: maybe you're obsessed with him and you want rid of the competition Amelia: 🤢 Amelia: I'd more likely be obsessed with her and he's the competition so no because he's still living if not breathing while he holds his breath Jac: well I'm not even sure she exists now Jac: this is all some fantasy in your 🧠 Amelia: 👻 editor! Jac: ha 🤓 Amelia: 😎 Jac: yeah, I'll forward that to Vee, you'll be so in Amelia: you can't because I already wanna die Amelia: I'm so underdressed for this Amelia: everyone's 👗 Jac: what are you wearing, excuse the creep line Amelia: 😏 Amelia: but literally 👖 Jac: oh Amelia Jac: I've got more on to come sit at yours alone Amelia: it's because I'm gay, isn't it? 😕 Jac: yes but you always have been Jac: I doubt Is was expecting you to put on a party frock Amelia: she did say she liked my birthday one and that does haunt me Jac: well I think she was in a state of shock Jac: for good reason, as we all were Jac: myself not included, of course Amelia: 👧🏻 Amelia: thanks to my mum for everything Jac: cold ears for christmas Amelia: ear muffs gay or beanie gay? a fun quiz Jac: you want to be beanie but you're ear muffs Amelia: true Amelia: you're oversized scarf Jac: blanket but make it fashion Jac: duh Amelia: 🤗 Jac: Is is those massive felt hats everyone wears in Autumn Amelia: that's so accurate Jac: I know Jac: it's what I'm going to use my Psychology degree for Amelia: 😉 Amelia: what else is all that debt good for Jac: builds character Amelia: her 👗 is great though Amelia: I wouldn't but she won't be devastated that she did Jac: yeah? Amelia: Yeah Amelia: unlike me she doesn't seem to be having a really shit time Jac: has she talked to you? Amelia: not yet Jac: that's rude Amelia: Obviously she's said hi and thanked me for coming but I assumed that isn't what you meant Amelia: do you think I should leave? Jac: who's there Jac: is Kiersten with the braces Amelia: how did you guess? Jac: 'cos she's wanted to be mates with Is for ages but she thinks I'm stuck up Amelia: THAT'S rude Jac: she probably heard me and Savannah talking about her in Chemistry Jac: so she's got grounds Jac: who else, Gemma with the frizzy hair, Paige who told on you that time and got you your first detention... Amelia: Okay, before I tip this drink subtly over her, what did you say? Amelia: yeah and yeah Jac: it would've been Sav she overheard Jac: I'm quiet Amelia: and she's 📢👄 Amelia: sound probably really carries in Sligo Jac: I think she's got a boyfriend already Amelia: of course she will have Amelia: what else is she going to do at Catholic school when she isn't doing homework Jac: don't Amelia: I'm sorry Amelia: it's this, being here, I shouldn't have Jac: I don't think you can just leave though Jac: she probably doesn't want to talk talk like right now and ruin her party Jac: at least say you will, book in and a coffee in or something Amelia: it's not just that, it's too weird Amelia: there's like no place for me Jac: she's moved on hasn't she Amelia: yeah Jac: I shouldn't have made you walk away from her Amelia: you didn't Jac: I still feel like I did though Amelia: well whatever way you want to look at it, she's got new friends now Jac: so do you Jac: or could still Jac: Jess said everyone knows what your ex was like Amelia: he could've warned me Jac: I told him so Amelia: it doesn't matter, I don't have the energy Amelia: like you said, I should study more for my theory Jac: if it's any consolation, I am totally alone, and not just literally right now Amelia: you've got me, excuse you Jac: no, not friends, remember Amelia: ugh, fine Amelia: what are you doing though? Jac: I was about to ask if your parents were still as militant with their drink stash Jac: idk how they kept such a close eye on levels, crazy Amelia: they are but I'll be taking the risk and the punishment when I get there so feel free to start without me Amelia: as long as you don't get too drunk to go Jac: doubt they're so cool they need bouncers Amelia: I mean, I'll give you a 🐷y back or hold your hair but if you're 😪 there isn't much I can do Jac: 😇 Jac: me, you, you decide Amelia: me, clearly Jac: 🙄 Jac: braceface would HATE you Amelia: she can join in with Paige who's blatantly whispering about me Jac: she's the biggest goody-two-shoes Jac: she'd thrive in catholic school Amelia: She'll be plotting how to get me in trouble with Is' mum since school's out and there's no looming detention for me Amelia: I know how to make that really easy for her Jac: you'd think she was 7 not 17 Jac: what are you gonna do? Amelia: shut her up, the same way I always do Jac: don't, come here instead Amelia: but she's so annoying Jac: I know she is but I want you Jac: so come here before I change my mind Amelia: okay Jac: okay Jac: make sure you tell her you'll talk to her later Amelia: I did Amelia: 😇 Jac: good girl Amelia: I didn't get any 🎂 though Jac: I'd make you one Jac: but I might burn your house down so Jac: I have an idea though 💡 Amelia: what is it? Jac: hang on Amelia: no, I'll start 🏃 Jac: ta-da Amelia: 😳 Amelia: thanks for not telling me that's what you looked like when I was talking about being underdressed earlier Amelia: and for having that 💡 so I don't care anymore Jac: you always look perfect anyway, it doesn't matter what you wear Amelia: you do Jac: you too Jac: and you won't feel underdressed when you undress me Amelia: I look 😍 but I'm fine with it Amelia: as long as my parents don't get back before me Jac: I'm quiet, remember Jac: it's fine Amelia: it's not you I'm worried about Amelia: but I'm not that worried Jac: 😍 Jac: you're so adorable but also so hot Jac: it's rude Amelia: says you Amelia: you're the rudest person ever if that's the criteria Jac: oh no, Kiersten was right Amelia: she can have that one thing Jac: only if I can have you Amelia: there's no if Amelia: you have me Jac: good Jac: I need you, you know Amelia: I need you more, not because you love a competition, although if you do want to get competitive about it, that's cool too Jac: We can make it into a competition but what would I win? Amelia: 🤔 Jac: I can't think, I want to see you too badly Amelia: I get it, trust me Jac: You're the prettiest Amelia: no, I'm not Amelia: but I do love you the most Jac: don't be mean to yourself Jac: 😣 Amelia: sorry Jac: I can make you believe me, don't worry Amelia: I'm not worried about that either, I know you can Jac: you don't need to worry about anything Jac: not now Amelia: not now Amelia: I promise Jac: 😇 Amelia: 🥰 Jac: have you got a headache? Amelia: you don't need to worry either Amelia: not about me Jac: I just wanna know if I need to make that go away first before letting you touch me Amelia: I do have a headache but I would literally come back from the dead to see you so Jac: 🥰 Jac: still means I get to go first 😈 Amelia: 😇 if anything Jac: see what you think when we're waking up your neighbours Amelia: I'll be thinking the same thing because nothing's changing my mind about you but okay they'll probably think 😈👹👻👺 Jac: I've never heard you, properly Jac: either we have to be quiet or it's too loud to hear anything Amelia: but you know how hard I find trying to be quiet Jac: I wanna hear everything Amelia: you won't want me to 🤫🤐 once you have though Jac: yeah? Amelia: we'll have to find new places Jac: or I'll work out ways to make you louder at parties Amelia: okay Jac: only okay? Amelia: emphatically Amelia: like ! Amelia: like that's the best idea I've ever heard Jac: my nerdy baby Amelia: well now I don't want to correct it to 😎 Amelia: you win Jac: 😄 Jac: come here and be my prize Amelia: [will let you show up gal cos why not you've been running like a needy gay and it's not that far] Jac: [enjoy hens 'cos this is gonna be intense] Amelia: [the softness and love never lasts soz ladies] Amelia: [more importantly soz to these neighbours] Jac: [💔] Jac: [but love that lmao] Amelia: [thank god her parents aren't coming back yet because there is no being quiet if their lives depended on it now] Amelia: [I had an idea that while Jac is getting ready because even if she doesn't change her outfit she'll probably wanna fix her makeup etc whereas Amelia isn't wearing any she should start a new portrait, this time of them doing something intimate but not saucy lol because 1. that's gay 2. they're at her house so all her art stuff is right there 3. she can make it fit whatever vague af prompt she was given for holiday homework] Jac: [that's a good idea, I won't Katy Perry spoil it rudely, but just like, it better be vague enough that everyone in Art won't be 👀 lmao] Amelia: [don't worry gal we won't out you but actually those Katy Perry dramatics would be a good idea to remember if we ever want them to have a big row haha] Jac: [there is always time lmao, though for tonight I think it's easy enough to have the level of drama we want because like this all happens but then you're not allowed to be together at the party like you aren't even friends still so it's like the base level of getting along at a party vibes, which would obvs be upsetting every time, poor Amelia] Amelia: [agreed we'll keep it in our back pocket for later because tonight has enough going on, like literally every time you have moments like this and then she pushes you away after would be 💔] Jac: [let the fun commence] Amelia: [we all know she's kissing that girl under the mistletoe but is there anything else you want to happen] Jac: [I've got a picture to post in jealousy to that but nothing is gonna actually happen on her end, just pretending luvs, as for other party goings on, literally anything could, she's probably gonna blank their brother which will probably give Amelia that false hope] Amelia: [love that by which I mean hate that lol cos she's already got false hope from Jac inviting her to the party instead of just going on her own] Jac: [I know, the gag is it isn't really false hope but like it still is 'cos we aren't coming out at this party obvs lol, even if they can be more friendly 'cos it's not their year or their usual crowd] Amelia: [I like that because it's a less messy and more friendly vibe even though it means it'll hurt more the next party they go too that won't be like that/when shit hits the fan in like 2 days because of Savannah's love life] Jac: [just waiting for that confirmation hens, bit rude to ruin xmas but there we go] Amelia: [how dare you Savannah you know blocking someone means nothing because you have blatantly also stalked Jac to see what she's doing] Jac: [oh gals, i hope you think some boy is buying her channel] Amelia: [oh she do and that's one of many reasons we're getting with this boy now after hinting all month] Jac: [sorry to dis man but nah] Amelia: [he's not a sweetie like Ty we don't stan] Jac: [when you said one time that he reminded her of Jac LMAOOO] Amelia: [nobody is having a good 2 years is the point but I am DECEASED] Jac: [this is true, you're all going through it, that's the point] Amelia: [Sienna and Is are the only ones thriving] Jac: [god bless lol] Amelia: [can we say they go back to Amelia's after this party and then Jac has to sneak past her parents in the AM for the lols or is that too friendly, like the spare room does exist and I feel like she doesn't wanna go home after missing Jesse's gig] Jac: [yeah, I feel like tonight we would because the family drama is more than the amelia drama rn so we're not gonna turn down the spare room, it will be amusing and also, less funny, can worry the fam some more about where we are, ahh the joys] Amelia: [soz JJ soz everyone but I shall cackle because it's probably more like the afternoon when they wake up so Amelia's parents are just there living their vanilla life] Jac: [hope you don't use your spare room as a dressing room or something babes lollollol] Amelia: [they're just casually eating lunch while Jac tiptoes away] Jac: [oh god bless, at least you did have normal clothes to change into and you won't be in your hoe outfit to walk of shame] Amelia: [or have to borrow clothes off Amelia like this is awks but] Jac: [still a prepared bitch even at our lowest] Amelia: [virgo energy] Jac: [we can skip to them if you like, now we've got the energy of the night] Amelia: [fine by me boo] Jac: did your parents see me Jac: or hear Amelia: No, I captured all of their attention with that loud explanation of my 🎨 Jac: can put it on the fridge Jac: 👍 Amelia: not until it gets graded Jac: it's an As only appliance, gotcha Amelia: 😂 yeah that's why looks nothing like a gallery Jac: even imagining the sound of a 🎻 rn is making my head wanna burst open Amelia: if you're going to keep checking it, turn your phone brightness down Jac: why would I be Amelia: I'm such a great conversationalist Jac: so I hear Amelia: 😏 Jac: don't 😏 @ me Amelia: *😉 Jac: idiot Jac: how was she then Amelia: who? Jac: don't who at me either, you know who Amelia: okay but I don't know what you expect me to say Jac: then I don't need to check my phone, thanks for saving me Jac: and as I gave her to you, that makes us 2-4 Jac: I'll even the score later Amelia: you didn't give her to me, you gave yourself to me Amelia: and I gave her my number Jac: cute Amelia: why do you want to hear this? Jac: It's a while back to mine, even catching the bus Jac: got time to kill and nothing to kill it with Amelia: you should read the 📖 I gave you once the 🤯💊 kick in Jac: I doubt I'll have time with the bollocking I'll be getting once I finally get back Amelia: probably not Jac: looks like Jess' show is online though Jac: no one phantom'd him so there you go, there's your entertainment 'til she texts you Amelia: she might not Jac: yeah right Amelia: parties make everyone 😍🥰😘 Jac: she's definitely full time gay Jac: not gonna pretend she don't know you now Amelia: no, you were right the first time about her being bi Jac: same thing Amelia: it isn't Jac: when you're fucking her, it'll feel the same Amelia: it was just a 💋 Amelia: I don't even know if that'll happen again Jac: do you want it to Amelia: I don't know Amelia: why I do and why I don't are the same reason Jac: sounds confusing Amelia: Yeah Jac: couldn't be me Amelia: like I said, what do you expect me to say? Jac: nothing you haven't Amelia: you're not the only one 🤯 you know Jac: don't moan Jac: go outside Jac: fresh air helps Amelia: you're repeating advice my dad already gave Amelia: at least he's asking for 🛒🍌🥚🥕🍞🧀🍅 Jac: what the fuck is he making Amelia: that's not the full list Amelia: artistic licence if anything Jac: 🙄 Jac: not really A for effort Amelia: you're going to start marking me now, are you? Jac: maybe Amelia: okay Jac: it's cold Amelia: is that why you wanted me to go outside? Jac: to freeze to death or confirm that statement? Jac: neither seems worth it, so no Amelia: how far away are you? I don't have a blanket scarf but I can bring you something Jac: no Jac: you're right, Is' dress was quite nice Amelia: I'm right about you not needing to freeze to death too Jac: says you Amelia: it doesn't have to be like this Jac: like what, an Irish winter? Amelia: you're as stubborn as an Irish winter Jac: artsy Amelia: I'm supposed to be the dramatic one as well Jac: I'm not going to die of consumption on the bus home Jac: you're still the dramatic one, you can mope about how I won't accept help if you like Amelia: and you're getting the wrong kind of inspiration from the classics you've read Jac: have I spoiled the ending of this book? Jac: I'll pass it on, like Amelia: I'm not telling you the ending, read it Jac: you want me to write a book report so you can grade me too? Amelia: 😂 maybe Jac: 🤓 Amelia: ❌ Amelia: and it's not moping, it's caring Jac: no one asked you to either way Amelia: it's really cold Jac: the bus has heating, it's only gonna be a few minutes wait, then I can run back Amelia: I could wait with you Jac: why would you do that Jac: obviously not Amelia: because you're right about fresh air Amelia: and it might  🌨⛄️ Jac: then go to the park with all the other little kids Amelia: you want to know what kissing her was like, it was the opposite of this Jac: talking would get in the way of it Amelia: that's not what I mean and you know it's not Jac: I don't care what you meant Jac: I'm not threatened by Violet McLaughlin Amelia: it's not about her Jac: not for me it ain't Amelia: you make everything 10x harder than it needs to be Jac: if you can't cope Jac: then you don't need to worry about that, because we're not friends Amelia: for fuck's sake Jac: just go Jac: the supermarket is gonna be full of frantic people fighting over sprouts Amelia: if we're not friends there's literally no reason for me to make things that easy for you Amelia: so no Jac: we're not friends so I'll happily tell you to fuck off if you come anywhere near this bus stop Amelia: you either want me to 🛒 or you don't Jac: for god sake Jac: can your parents not take you Amelia: the whole point is he wants me to get out Jac: could he not come with so you don't go do some more reckless shit Jac: lazy parenting, tbh Amelia: he doesn't know about most of the reckless shit I do Jac: 🙄 case in point Jac: but don't worry, I won't call yours Amelia: it doesn't matter to me if you do Jac: I'm not interested enough to get you in trouble Amelia: unlike you I talk, it's no challenge for me to say whatever they need to hear Jac: you want an easy life Jac: I don't Amelia: I want a fucking life Jac: and the dramatics, right on cue Amelia: right Jac: you want a life, go do something about it Amelia: I already told you I'm not leaving Jac: we all will before you know it Jac: then we'll have no reason to stay in contact Amelia: we'll always have a reason Jac: How is it that Is has got it before you? Jac: she didn't need either of us at her party Amelia: I'm not Is, and guess what, I'm not Savannah either Jac: Yeah, you're not Amelia: they're gone and I'm not going anywhere, keep tipping your hourglass over and pretending like it'll be any different any time soon Jac: oh, fuck you Amelia: the bus stop is way too public for you Jac: you're not funny Amelia: it's not a laugh out loud kind of moment Jac: don't come here, get the next bus Amelia: I'm not going to, I've got 🎨 to finish Jac: Good Jac: because I would have to slap you even if it is a hate crime Amelia: you'd try Jac: I'm not fucking bragging, I wouldn't know what else to do Jac: I don't, these days Amelia: me either, I would still stop you though Jac: maybe Amelia: try it Jac: I'm not saying I want to either Jac: just leave me alone Amelia: no Jac: I'll leave you alone Amelia: that's never been what I want Jac: then it can be a threat Amelia: yeah, and it existed ages before you bothered to say it Amelia: it's all I think about already Jac: You knew what this was before it started Amelia: and? Amelia: I still know what it is Amelia: that doesn't mean it's okay Jac: then you should say no Amelia: You knew how I felt before this started Amelia: I can't Jac: and I'm committed to being a shit person Jac: I can handle that, if you can't then you have to address it Jac: I'm not doing it for you Amelia: I got that, you're not doing anything for me today Amelia: in the cold light of Jac: That's how it's been from the start Jac: it's not changing Amelia: it did change, last night was different Amelia: for a bit Jac: you just want that to be true Amelia: you just want to keep lying and gaslighting Amelia: I'm not stupid Jac: I was so drunk I can barely remember any of it Amelia: no you weren't because if you had been there would be nothing to remember Amelia: nothing would have happened Jac: you don't like being accused of things, neither do I Amelia: the predatory lesbian angle is tired, that's all Amelia: so am I Jac: I didn't wake you Jac: your parents dancing 'round the kitchen like this is a rom-com did Amelia: I know that Amelia: and you knew what my parents are like when you decided to sleep in the guest room Amelia: maybe 🧔👩🏻👧🏻 is their rom-com Jac: needs must Amelia: exactly Jac: I didn't say shit about your parents Amelia: we're not fighting about them Amelia: why would you? Jac: Then can you get to your point Jac: because this is tiring, and unnecessary, agreed Amelia: I've made them Amelia: points multiple Jac: Cool, bye then Amelia: 👋 Amelia: I've got no interest in dating Savannah Moore Jac: That's good, she's straight and gone Amelia: you sounded just like her Amelia: everything she said to you, repeated more or less word for word to me Jac: So? Jac: and you don't know what she said to me, you weren't there, you have no idea Amelia: so goodbye then Amelia: you told me, remember, that she said how beautiful you were etc Amelia: you're becoming an echo Jac: It isn't the same Amelia: she hurt you because everything she said didn't mean that she wanted to kiss you, be with you, any of the things you wanted Amelia: this is the same for me Amelia: you'll never kiss me how Violet did, you won't even take my fucking coat when it's about to snow Jac: it's different because she's fucking straight and you know I'm not Jac: but if that isn't enough for you then yeah Jac: bye Amelia: I know loads of things but how can it be enough when you spend have the time trying to make me doubt them Amelia: half* Jac: There's nothing I can or will do about that Amelia: you could be honest with me Jac: I have been, for fuck's sake Amelia: no, you lie to hurt me, that's literally the opposite Jac: No, I've told you loads of things, things I haven't told anyone else, and you admit that because you know them Jac: what you want, Amelia, is for me to come out and declare my love for you Jac: and I have never, ever, said I would do that Amelia: what I want, is you Amelia: not the person you're pretending to be to everyone else Jac: If I could be that person still, don't you think I would Jac: I'd do it for me, not you Jac: it's like I'm dead Jac: there isn't a switch where I can just bring that me back, she's gone Amelia: sometimes you are, so even if there's no switch, there has to be something Amelia: I'm not that crazy and you're not that dead Jac: well if you work it out, let me know Amelia: obviously Jac: It's not the same Jac: you can say it's fucked Jac: but you aren't being led on Amelia: okay Amelia: I'm sorry Jac: it's fine Amelia: it's not, I know you don't want to talk about her Jac: it's not how you think it was Jac: no one else would get it Amelia: it's between you and her Amelia: I don't have to get it Jac: yeah Amelia: has the 🚌 come yet? Jac: I'm going to town instead Jac: I'll buy a cheap coat, don't worry Jac: but work is open 'til Christmas eve, and they didn't expect me to work after term-time, but I'm gonna go offer Amelia: did the 🤯💊 really work that well? Jac: I think it was the cold more Jac: and I still don't wanna be there yet Jac: you know how big a thing Christmas is with my family, everyone will be coming over from wherever the fuck they reside, it's too much Amelia: yeah Amelia: at least your uni app will benefit Jac: and my pockets Jac: no presents really means I could save up Amelia: not if you spend all your money on coats Amelia: I'll bring you one, I'm serious Amelia: to work or wherever you are now Jac: likewise if you waste all your time on me, your 🎨 will never get finished Amelia: my 🎨 is technically a bigger waste of time Amelia: and when I go to uni I won't have any time for it anyway Jac: but still, a really good grade will help you get there, even if the subject isn't totally relevant Amelia: I'm already getting a good grade in that subject Amelia: are you out of excuses why I shouldn't help you now or what? Jac: Ugh Jac: you're so stubborn, it's rich you're trying to have a go at me for it Amelia: you're just annoyed that I'm giving you something else, but it's a borrow Amelia: I'm not 🤶🏻 Jac: maybe God can be a woman but Santa categorically is not Jac: what does his wife even do? Amelia: discipline the elves because he's a soft touch, obviously Amelia: are you still at the bus stop then? Jac: no, the bus came, but they're pretty regular, even from yours 🏡 Jac: assuming they'll have me for this shift...you can meet me whenever you get to this part of town, they're really good at giving breaks Amelia: I'm familiar with the bus schedule, my parents don't drive me EVERYWHERE, just a lot of places Amelia: okay then Jac: you're an only child, it'd be weird if you weren't a bit spoilt Amelia: it would mean I was an accident but I'm literally the opposite so Jac: n'awh Amelia: at least they cherish me Amelia: you literally do the opposite Jac: 😂 Jac: you aren't a miracle in general you know, only to them Amelia: rude Jac: sometimes you have to hear these harsh truths Amelia: ear muff gay remember Amelia: you'll have to sign it Jac: [video saying something offensive that Amelia should remember lol] Amelia: 😂 Jac: 😏 Amelia: Jess doesn't deserve all the free advertising he'll be getting on this bus ride but I'm not going back for my 🎧 Jac: You're so common Amelia: after what you just signed Amelia: hypocritical Jac: unless someone has their 👀s on your screen, I'm fine Amelia: or on you as you did it Amelia: which they probably did Jac: this bus is packed Jac: fucking Christmas Amelia: people look at you, it doesn't matter where or who else is around Jac: you make it sound like I'm something special Jac: people look at you too Amelia: it's not the same Amelia: people are usually looking at me because I'm doing something I'm not supposed to Jac: nah, it is Amelia: 😳🚏 Jac: you'd notice if you weren't so busy looking at me Amelia: if that's the criteria I don't want to notice Jac: such a line Amelia: No, you're SO nice to look at, is a line Jac: I know you're too much of a 🤓 to ever think you're smooth Amelia: I haven't got the misplaced confidence of a teenage boy, if that's what you mean Jac: you aren't your ex, yeah Amelia: I fucking hope not Jac: all the girls I've seen you go for Jac: have really dark hair Amelia: I guess Jac: and are ethnically ambiguous, but like, more noticably than I am Amelia: where are you going with this? Jac: it's just what I've noticed Jac: you have a type but it isn't me Amelia: or you are my type and they're not Jac: I knew you'd say that Amelia: because it's true Jac: saying I defy all types would be more of a line Jac: so I'll believe you Amelia: Do you want to get ☕ with me? Jac: I can't Jac: like, genuinely Jac: we got up late, now I'm here begging for work, I better actually do some Amelia: okay, I'll bring it to you Amelia: and there'll probably be loads of people from school everywhere anyway Jac: yeah Jac: loads of people in our year reckon they're trying the pubs Christmas eve Jac: as if half of them look serve-able Amelia: are you going to go? Jac: I don't think so Jac: it's just for the brag of getting in and getting served, they're especially militant this time of year Jac: easier ways to get drunk we use every other day of the year Amelia: true Amelia: but you do love a competition Amelia: and a brag Jac: if I wanted to get served that bad, I'd go to my granda's Jac: I dunno Jac: are you gonna go? Amelia: I doubt my mum will let me break tradition for that Jac: of course Amelia: though I should probably go see your great grandad before they notice how much of their drinks cabinet we raided Jac: 😬 Jac: can't exactly break my no present rule to buy them a bottle or two Amelia: that'd be offensive, you won't break it for me Jac: spoilt brat 😂 Amelia: we missed a really good show 🎸🎵 Jac: I can't believe you're listening to it out loud Amelia: of course you can Amelia: it's exactly the kind of thing I'd do Jac: I'd be so embarrassed Jac: I'd move Amelia: if you were here I'd be able to steal your 🎧 Amelia: you never forget anything Jac: it's not hard Amelia: I was rushing Jac: you just really wanted a ☕ right Amelia: why else Jac: indeed Amelia: I can't believe how hard creepy editor is going with some of these close ups Amelia: it's really ruining it for me Jac: disgusting Jac: I won't be tuning in Amelia: if only it was so easy for you to avoid him in person, right? Jac: it's pretty easy Jac: though unfortunately he keeps all his music crap downstairs so Amelia: have I ever mentioned how great it is being an only child? Jac: 😒 Jac: fuck off Amelia: 😂 Amelia: I'm going in the wrong direction to Jac: I punched the wrong sibling though Amelia: what? Jac: not close enough to clock the concealer 👎 job editor Amelia: you did that? Jac: yeah Amelia: what happened? Jac: he tried to stop me going out Amelia: why? Jac: 'cos he's an idiot Amelia: okay Jac: I didn't think he'd actually try to stop me Amelia: it doesn't seem like something he'd usually do Jac: everyone's stressed Jac: obviously Amelia: has he tried to stop you since? Jac: I think we've mutually done our best to ignore each other Jac: it was a while ago, actually Jac: after your birthday Jac: time is weird Amelia: Jac Amelia: that was ages ago Jac: not THAT long ago Jac: what's your point? Amelia: I don't know Amelia: I feel stressed now Jac: why, you didn't punch him Jac: or make me Amelia: 😕 Jac: Come on Jac: calm down Amelia: this bus doesn't have a calming atmosphere Jac: how many screaming kids Amelia: they're the majority Jac: ew Jac: I have too many cousins Amelia: me too and I don't have hardly any in comparison Jac: I'm dreading it Jac: xmas Amelia: I wish we could just skip it Jac: same Amelia: my parents think I'm oblivious to the fact they're planning to use their New Year's party to set me up with someone Jac: that's cute Jac: how have they even found another gay for you Amelia: they've found more than one, it'll be a speed dating event with my entire extended family in attendance Amelia: that's not cute Jac: no, it's not, it's weird Jac: but I was trying to be polite Amelia: you're nicer to my parents than you are to me Jac: you'd have a go at me if I weren't Amelia: 🤔 Jac: what are you 🤔 about Amelia: if I should have a go at you for acting like I have a go at you all the time Jac: go ahead and answer your own question Jac: then you'll have a go at me for making you have a go at me over whether or not you're always having a go at me Amelia: 😣 Jac: 😏 Amelia: am I? Jac: just now Jac: but I treat you like shit so if you weren't it'd be more damning Jac: not before Amelia: oh great Jac: what do you mean? Amelia: I mean what I just said, I'm thrilled to hear that Jac: 🤨 Jac: okay Amelia: Where do you want me to meet you? Jac: I'll come out Jac: you remember where it is, my work Amelia: Yeah Amelia: I only have a couple of stops left Jac: I thought you were getting me coffee Amelia: there's a place right near there, I remember that too Jac: fair enough Jac: carry on Amelia: I'm not THAT hopeless at geography Jac: your memory is decent, you can have that Amelia: thanks Jac: don't mention it Amelia: 🤫🤐 Jac: I'll pay you back, for the coffee Jac: can't afford any more gifts from you Amelia: feel free to put the money in my coat pocket when give it back Jac: good idea Amelia: maybe I'll find something else I had no idea was in there when I do the search Jac: knowing you Amelia: yeah, a miracle, we all know ✨ Amelia: next year I'll just get you one big 🎁 Amelia: then we can have ☕ together Jac: if you pull 🥖🐟 out of your pocket, that's gonna seem more disgusting than miraculous Jac: at least next year, we'll both be able to drive Jac: and this will all be that much closer to being over Amelia: I'll actually know what I'm doing with my gap year if buts and maybes, that'll be weirder Jac: will it be backpacking in Thailand or building orphanages in Africa Amelia: my parents would still prefer 🥖🐟 Amelia: so if they get their way it'll be neither and nothing Jac: if you're gonna do it you have to do it properly Jac: or it's just a waste of time Amelia: the entire point is to waste more time after 🎓 and before 🤓💻📝 Amelia: it's a stalling tactic Jac: 🙄 Amelia: 😏 Jac: you're gonna be 2 years older than half your class by the time you get there Amelia: so? Amelia: it's not a speed dating event either Jac: so they're all going to seem really immature Amelia: boys always are Amelia: I've coped with that all through school Jac: Uni is about not dealing with that Jac: having a fresh start Amelia: exactly, I'll be there to 🤓💻📝 Jac: yeah right Amelia: not much of a fresh start otherwise Jac: exactly, you aren't going to have a personality overhaul in a year or two Amelia: 😂 Amelia: I'm thrilled you don't think 💔 has changed me Jac: only for the worse, obviously Amelia: you sound like my mum now Amelia: she's texting me 'please don't act like this when your grandparents arrive tomorrow' Amelia: like what? 🤶🏻 okay Jac: ooh, no 🥛🍪 for you Amelia: 🥺 Jac: you'll be fine Jac: just don't ruin christmas by being gay Amelia: that was last year's drama Jac: precisely why you don't need to go for 2 Amelia: why I'd find a new way to ruin it if I was going to Jac: 👍 Amelia: it was Is who copied you, I'm fine with letting you do your own thing Jac: they'll be too busy to care Jac: and not talking isn't ruining anything Jac: enough loudmouths running about Amelia: if you leave it at that Jac: what else would I do, shit in the christmas pudding Amelia: punch one of your other family members Amelia: just an idea I pulled out of nowhere though Jac: only if they get in my way Jac: which they're unlikely to do now Amelia: Jude isn't Amelia: getting in your way is her number 1 skill Jac: and mine happens to be avoiding her Amelia: it's in the top 10, I don't think I'd put it first Jac: I've managed not to punch anyone since Jac: it's fine Amelia: you were threatening to hit me not long ago Amelia: but alright Jac: because you were threatening to get in my space Jac: everyone just needs to leave me alone when I tell them to Jac: it's not hard Amelia: it's my fault, that's really what you're going with? Jac: yes Jac: you were going to get in my face when I explicitly warned you not to Jac: I didn't just attack you, and I didn't just attack Jess Amelia: okay Jac: fuck's sake Jac: it's alright for you all to push me and ignore my boundaries Amelia: because I can't keep up with what your boundaries are Jac: no, you just think you can push through them Amelia: no, you keep moving close to me and then away Jac: and you only accept one of those Amelia: so do you Jac: whatever Jac: this is pointless Amelia: any time I try to do anything that looks remotely like moving on, you know exactly what you do, so don't pretend this is all me Jac: I weren't talking about that Amelia: no, you were talking about how much you want me to fuck off Amelia: come outside and I can Jac: [does] Amelia: [we giving her this coat and coffee like okay bye as if we didn't come all this way/have anywhere else to be, oh gal] Jac: [kissing her on the cheek like we would've done without thinking as friends but now it's a big deal, but then running like bye] Amelia: [we're all dying and running away nbd]

[tarralin]

Recovery

Fox Hunt, Chapter Eleven

(Board gifted by @under-sengoku-skies​)

Find Master List, Ao3, and Ko-Fi links in blog bio!

Thank you @rainyluneotome for beta reading!

TW: combat, gunfire, mention of death

~*~

Croatia was mostly a peaceful country but a known terrorist group had recently moved in and started snatching young people for their cause. Men forced to fight for ideals that weren't their own and women were either used for the men's entertainment here or trafficked internationally to other terrorist cells.

That's where she came in. Her newest command position set her-- and her squad-- as judge, jury, and executioners unless otherwise stated in mission briefings. Guilt had already been determined for their newest targets and they were hours away from takedown. Sleep was deserved…

“Mabel!”

Macon's scream jolted her awake the very moment Mark yanked her from the cot. Dirt dusted her face as she hit the ground, rolling on instinct just as stray bullets blasted through her pillow. She didn't bother asking either of her brothers what was happening. She'd find out later... if they survived that is.

Gunfire and agonized screams sounded on the other side of the tent. Soldiers were being butchered. Her soldiers. Her squad she had led to the outskirt of known enemy territory. Her gut had told her to move on to safer grounds but that required time the victims didn't have.

She had led them to slaughter.

“Mabel!” It was Mark’s voice now that called to her in a stage whisper. His face was the emotionless mask he usually boasted on all their previous missions and the familiarity grounded her. They’d get through this, they always did. She pulled both tact knives from her belt with an exaggerated flex of the fingers, the age old sign they used since childhood signaling she was ready to move.

The three slipped from the tent as a unit, successfully ambushing a passing enemy trio from behind and making quick work of their throats. Macon looted two rifles as his eyes scanned the vicinity from point. Mabel’s eyes caught sight of a flash to her right and sprinted the distance to terminate the threat, leaving Mark to take rear point.

Mabel’s target spotted her too late, his warning shout to comrades was drowned out by his own blood filling his lungs from the new holes she’d given him. His fall allowed her to steal his weapon easily, flipping it to her perspective as she gripped her spare blade in her teeth. Three new targets cleared a tent corner and dropped cleanly as her shots blasted through their craniums.

Mark and Macon flanked her as they crept through the hellfire that rained through the camp. Together, they picked off all intruders that crossed their path but screams and gunfire still rang into the night from the opposite camp side.

“How many shots y'all have left? I got six.” Macon growled.

“Ten,” Mark quipped.

“Five,” Mabel moaned. She'd be able to make the few bullets count but dropping to find a new rifle would be out of the question once the fire flew. “We'll grab what we can and pick off as many as possible. Then--”

“No,” Macon snapped. “You two make for the trees and get out of here. I'll find Rica and Jules and we'll rendezvous at Nonna Lorenza's in Venice.”

“No,” Mark snapped back to the elder sibling. “You won't make it far with just six shots. We do this together or not at all. Jules wouldn't want you going alone and I need to see Rica safe with my own eyes.”

Mabel met Macon's gaze and nodded her agreement. “ ‘The family that slays together…’ Let's go get our girls.”

~*~

MC always knew it would be a bloody end for her but never did see think she’d relive the worse night of her life once more. The past had haunted her sleeping hours and robbed her of precious rest for the better part of the last decade, couldn't it let her die in peace?

The sandpaper down her throat told her ‘no’. She’d been screaming in her sleep-- the only time she ever did-- while that blood painted scene replayed before her unconscious vision. The sandpaper also meant she was still alive. Still denied reunion with her brothers of both blood and bond.

Then again… maybe living was her Hell? It certainly felt like it right now. She couldn't move, an invisible concrete block restricted her arms. She couldn't see, a piercing light washed her vision in white. And she needed water almost as much as the time she had been stranded in the Sahara for two days.

And what was that buzzing sound? Were mosquitoes to be apart of her personal Hell, too?

“I draw the line…”

The buzzing stopped and a merciful angel of darkness blocked the blinding light. Something must have pleased the angel because they extended a cooling touch to her forehead and chuckled softly.

“I have been called many things… but never an angel.”

I know that voice! Hallelujah!

“Right now… you're my angel. Just… keep out the light.”

The cooling touch continued in soft strokes down her cheek and jaw. The lapse between strokes seemed to last an eternity and she leaned into them as much as the invisible block pinning her down would allow. “I'll stay then and keep the light out. Ieyasu is fixing you something to help you rest easier…”

Oh, so you're a devil after all?

“No… no sleep…”

“You need it, Dearest.”

She pulled away from the coolness, as if she could escape her prison. “No… I can't… can’t watch again.”

The coolness found her at the same moment a glorious liquid crossed her tongue, quenching the desert sands of her esophagus. “You won't have to… Just rest.”

The sweet chill of the angel’s touch and voice remained as darkness overcame the light, pulling her into the first deep slumber she had in years.

~*~

The light was the first thing she was aware of as her eyes creaked open. It didn't hurt like last time and revealed she was in her own room. A breeze danced through the window and greeted with the freshness of a new day to clear the lingering fog of her mind.

Why am I still in bed? I have work to do!

“The only thing you have to worry about is rest.” A hand swooped in keep her head pinned to the pillow. The cool touch reminded her of the dark angel she dreamed of. Only now she wasn't dreaming but this angel really did dress in white.

A fire blazed to life beneath her ribs as she fell back to the mat. “Oh, I recognize this pain! Guess I wasn't as fine as I thought I was…  How long have I been out?”

“This is the fourth morning. Though, you did stir several times. We had to restrain you before the wound reopened.”

That explains the invisible block… She knew she had a tendency to scream and thrash about when the nightmare came. How many times had she woken on the floor tangled in the sheets? How many black eyes had RM or JR earned when they tried to wake her from the past terrors? The reason she preferred a nighttime workout was so she’d be too exhausted to dream, but bloody fights always triggered and called its presence as a siren’s song lured sailors.

Focusing on Mitsuhide, she could see dark circles lining his bloodshot golden irises. Shoulders slumped forward as if only his will kept him sitting up. White tufts of hair stuck out in various places, no doubt from scrubbing his hands through to keep awake. What have her screams been doing to him?

It took every ounce of strength she could muster to pull her hand from the covers and raise it to his cheek, relishing in the weight of his head in her hand. “I’m sorry you had to witness that.”

His hair swayed side to side as he shook his head in her hand and he covered her fingers with his own. “You have nothing to apologize for.”

“Mitsuhide, you look as bad as I feel! That's a lot to apologize for.”

He chuckled at that and brushed a stray lock of hair from her forehead. “Your color has returned. Do you remember anything from that evening?”

“I remember it ending very differently than I’d hoped.”

“Ah, that it did,” he smirked as he wrapped her hand between both of his, dragging a slow kiss across her knuckles. “Anything else?”

“All of it,” she sighed. “I remember tunnel visioning, I didn't even feel those two creep up on me before it was too late. I remember a mouthful of blood…”

“Mmm, yes, and because of that, you've earned a few new titles. Tales of Azuchi’s Rasetsu have already been heard in town while the soldiers speak of a Lady Akaoni.”

Her eyebrows knitted together. “I understand the ‘man-eater’, but why a red-horned demon?”

“To be fair, you didn't see the mess your hair was in when Masamune and the real night guard arrived.”

That earned a laugh she regretted as her wound objected to the merriment, forcing a grimace as she spoke. “Masa is okay? What kept him detained?”

“Yes, he is fine. There was an ambush in the north part of the castle, meant to serve as a distraction, but I'm sure they didn't anticipate Masamune patrolling the perimeter himself instead of holed up in an office somewhere. There were four of them and they weren't very talented swordsmen. Although, one did almost have him…” the weight of his head rested fully in her hand as his eyes fluttered closed.

“Mitsu, tell me.”

“The young guard he was training took the blow in his place. There was nothing we could do aside from ensure a warrior’s ceremony.”

The one Masa was training…? “One of my maids’ son?”

A single nod in response.

She rose from the floor as far as her shoulders before that searing flame in her side blazed to life again and sent her crashing back to the mat as Mitsuhide pinned her shoulders in place.

“What in the blazes do you think you're doing?!”

“I have-- I have to go see her,” she gritted through the pain. “Those men tried to tote me off. I was the target. All this was because of me.” Again.

His hair swayed across her brow now as he shook his head at her again. “None of this is your fault and you can speak with her later if you wish but, for now, you need to rest. We've managed to stave off any infection but you still need to regain your strength.”

“Eh, I've had worse scrapes than this. I'll be up before long now.”

“Yes, I'm sure you'll be up by the time I return.”

“Return?” That ensnared her attention. Where are you going?”

His hand returned to stroking her forehead, eyes drifting to the window. “Away.”

Ah, can't say. Azuchi's rat must still be on the loose.

She released a sigh and tugged his robe to bring his gaze back to hers, forcing a smile through the pain for him. “Just don't make yourself a martyr. In fact, I'd like you to take these.”

Reaching into her kimono, she retrieved the trio of pendants that had called the chain around her neck ‘home’ for the last five years. “Nobu calls me his good luck charm, well… these are mine.”

A single white brow arched as Mitsuhide ran the chain through his fingers and inspected the small plates. “The writing on these match the print on your back. What do these talismans say?”

“They're not talismans,” she chuckled darkly. “Back home we call them ‘dog tags’. Soldiers wear two matching tags so they can be easily identified if they fall during battle.”

His second brow joined the first as he blinked down to her. “That does not sound like a favorable fortune to wear around your neck, Dearest. Why do you have a third then?”

“One is mine. The other two belonged to my brothers, Macon and Mark Clements. They were always trying to look after me and having those just feels right. Imagine having two Hideyoshis, but one of them with Masa’s prankster attitude, and you have my brothers with me as their Mitsunari.” His sudden laughter brought a smile to her as she continued. “And they are lucky. My other one still has the head of a bullet that was meant for my heart implanted in it. So, please, wear them. You can give them back when you return. I'm not going anywhere. And… I'll try to have an answer for you on staying here.”

Days of exhaustion seemed to evaporate off his shoulders. She loved that cunning smirk of his but the rare, beautiful smile it melted into curled her toes with glowing warmth. Warmth that only continued to spread as he leaned down to trail a searing path of slow kisses across her brow, cheek, nose, until finally claiming her lips as he meant to the night of the attack.

“I look forward to it, Dear One.”

~*~

Mitsuhide left at dusk after visiting once more and ensuring Masa’s soup made its way to her stomach. Masa retrieved her finished bowl himself and to inform them that Mitsuhide’s horse was ready for departure.

Nobu sat with her that night.

“I don't sleep much anyway,” he gave as a way of answer when she arched her brows at him when he settled against the wall.

“As my current position as Chatelaine proves, that is a lie.”

“Perhaps,” a self-deprecating chuckle before his eyes rolled back to her. “What do the markings on your back mean?”

She turned her eyes to the ceiling. “Just a means of atonement.”

“Atonement? Why--”

“Not something I wish to speak of.”

She could feel his eyes on her as as heavy as the silence settling over them. “They have something to do with the nightmares?”

She clenched her jaw to keep from snapping at him. She knew he was just curious and possibly trying to lull her to sleep with small talk. This particular subject was never small for her but, if she remained quiet, maybe he’d drop it.

After another loaded silence, he released a heavy sigh. “As curious as I am to learn how one such a you acquired the skills I've witnessed, I won't force you to relive the battles of your past. But… I dislike disruptions in my home, my little fireball. I simply need to know that this recent incident won't cause further distraction.”

Ah, of course. Gotta keep the machine running and well oiled, eh? I can respect that. “I’m used to managing my terrors, Nobu, and they do not interfere with my daily work. They'll dissipate once I’m back on my feet.”

The intense stare he leveled her with almost took the breath from her. It was the exact one Macon used when he thought she had lied to him. And just like Macon, Nobu's shoulders relaxed once he found she hadn't. “Do try to sleep, fireball. I’ll wake you should your terrors catch you again.”

She would have replied, if not for the sudden lump in her throat that refused to budge. Instead, she willingly surrendered to the darkness.

~*~

The warm sunshine of the garden welcomed her with open arms as she reclined under the wisteria.

Having spent an additional two mornings in bed pushed her past the end of her patience and the entire room sickened her in ways unrelated to her injury. Fresh air was what she needed and that was what she was going to get. Flames of pain still ignited around the wound but the blazes were diminishing more and more with each new morning, enabling her to redress the wound herself for the first time with the modern medical supplies she always packed her purse with.

Now, it was time for some good old Vitamin D while hiding from the mother hen--

“Princess!”

Damn. Mission failed. Note to self: Locate and recruit any of Hideyoshi’s descendants because-- hot damn-- those tracking skills!

“Do you know how worried I--” his march across the garden ended abruptly before muttering a curse under his breath, no doubt noticing the peculiar arrangement of her kimono; uncovered arms and shoulders, thighs-to-toes bared to the sun. “What are you doing?”

She snickered at the changed projection of his voice and finally peeped her eyes open to find him facing the way he came. “It's called ‘sunbathing’. Quite common back home and a favorite pastime of mine actually. I don't have the proper protection from the direct sun but it is bright enough here under the shade.”

“Princess, you really shouldn't be… lying about… like that… let me give you my kimono.” The blush creeping over his ears could be heard in his voice.

“That would defeat the purpose of sunbathing. I do all my best thinking like this. Besides, you seem to the only one here persistent enough to actually find me so you can either go back the way you came or you can join me. Either way, I need silence.” She finished while crossing one ankle over the other to emphasize her indifference.

After a moment of quiet contemplation, Hideyoshi settled into the grass facing away from her. Now, to tackle the issue at hand...

Or… is it even an issue at all? She wasn’t born of this time. Yes, she could blend in and quack like the other ducks but that was a skill of survival. Everything up to now has simply been a means to an end coming up in six weeks. Was this really something she could live with?

Despite the war time hardened lifestyle, the people and land here held a measure of peace she had never encountered before. But when would that peace run out? This era is named for the wars that shaped it. It would be the gamble of a-- literal-- lifetime to remain here with only the hope that her miniscule interference of pulling one man from a burning building would be enough to secure a better future.

And what of RM and JR? After everything they've been through already, her disappearance would be the final nails in their coffins. Both had international connections that could very well burn the world to the ground if those two so much as suspected foul play.

Her family… Her career…

Mitsuhide…

Could she really be so selfish?

~*~

Two evenings later, she found herself waiting at the stable. Mitsuhide’s personal page returned that morning with news of his lord's expected arrival in the afternoon. After ensuring the maids work and renovation schedule, she had taken over the grooming jobs from the stable hands and set out to clearing the horses manes of tangles and debris.

RM's mother came from generations of Texan ranchers and still continued equestrian breeding for race horses. MC always found it calming helping with the animals during the few free summer days she had with RM and JR. How easy it was to fall back into that easy pattern of care.

“And you say you don't sing.”

“Mitsuhide!” Her head snapped up at the voice entering the gate and she met him halfway in his path to the stable. “I wasn't singing.”

He grinned down at her. “Of course not, my mistake. As you can see, I have returned. Do you have an answer for me, dear Chatelaine?”

“Now?” She squeaked, freezing in her tracks as he circled his horse around her. Here is definitely not the place to hash this out!

His lips tilted into that smirk she missed the last several days. “Oh? Has the resident rasetsu turned into a little mouse in my absence? Might be fun to plan a chase then.”

“You will lose! But yes, I mostly have an answer.”

“ ‘Mostly’?”

“Well, it's not exactly an easy answer. There's choices and conditions to be heard… are you getting off the horse or not?”

His golden gaze never left her just as that smirk refused to falter while he continued to trot in circles, raising her curiosity.

“Why?” She switched tactics. “If I gave you an out right ‘yes’, what would do?”

Finally halting his steed beside her, Mitsuhide’s eyes glinted with a predatory gleam as he gracefully dismounted. She watched with open curiosity as he marched to her but only when he opened his arms did she think to take a step back too late. Without a care as to who witnessed the display, his arms swooped under her hips and lifted her into the air against him. A shriek of surprised laughter escaped her as she was spun in the air.

“Is this is a sufficient answer to your ‘if’,” that predatory edge never left his gaze as he settled her back on her feet, ignoring the stunned silence of the passing stable hands.

She could feel her own face flush by the open act. Oh, come on girl! You've been in far more publicly compromising positions before and never even blinked.

“I take it you tracked down our rodent problem?”

His smirk was triumphant now. “I found a few leads. I also have a gift on its way here that I'm sure you'll enjoy.”

“A… you what?” What does he mean a gift?

“You'll see in the next few days--”

“I don't like surprises.”

“But first, I must speak with Nobunaga and Hideyoshi with what I've discovered.” He lifted a lock of her hair to his lips in parting, pointedly deflecting her statement.

Her eyes followed after him. What has gotten into him, blowing through like a whirlwind and leaving like that?

His pace around the corner slowed just enough for him to glance over his shoulder at her, that knowing smirk back in place as if he hadn't just caused her to question his sanity.

Oh, dear Kitsune, this is part of your game, is it?

She glanced into the town before her as a plan formed. He was wrong if he thought she wouldn't be up for a little Cat-n-Mouse.

~*~

The kimono crafter had always been popular among the town for the sixteenth century version of window shopping. However, wartime meant less spending on pretty things and-- despite the constant flow of people in and out the door-- the elder tailor had been struggling financially. So when he heard the bell of his stall's flap signal a potential customer, he was half-tempted to ignore it completely.

Now he wished he had.

His wife was happy to help with the foreign princess’ need while he was still trying connect the garments in their hands with the stated occasion. Lord Oda was taking her on a game trail? Then why did she prefer the sheer fabrics? Surely, the softer cotton would be better for sport.

“I'm sorry, my Lady, but what kind of game did you say you would be hunting?”

The Princess glanced up to him and he could have swore he saw a flash of pink dust her features before she turned back to his wife with a conspiratorial grin. “Foxes.”

~☆~

[spoonmebabyy]

undefined

She was on her way to becoming a college graduate

Wouldn't even stop to talk to the average kid

The type of Latina I'd sit and contemplate marriage with

Fuck the horse and carriage shit, her love was never for hire

Disciplined, intellectual beauty's what I desire

Flyer than Salma Hayek or Jennifer Lopez

Everyone told me, kicking it to her was hopeless

At first I just thought, she didn't mess with broke kids

The thug niggas always talking about, how they smoke kids

But the rich-sniff-coke kids got no play

"I'm not even interested, " is what her body language would say

Everyone around the way, gave up trying to get in it

It didn't matter how good your game was, she wasn't with it

On the block, bitches was jealous, but wouldn't admit it

Talk shit, and deny to everyone that they did it

Cause they regretted the long list of niggas that they let hit it

And no one ever gave them shit except McDonald's and did-dick

Smoking weed with thoughts of envy, whenever they lit it

She spoke intelligently and they bit it, always trying to copy

But when they tried to use her vocab they sounded sloppy

She had a style, all her own, respectful and pure

I was sick in the head for her, and there wasn't a cure

Don't you know that, time waits for no man

My fate, it's all planned

I'm blessed just to know you

I've loved and I've lost just to hold you all night

Can't find, a reason why

God came, between you and I

If I had the chance again, I'd never let you go

Hold tight to your love, cause you never know

Her eyes are brown and beautiful, yet empty and sad

I used to talk to her occasionally, and she was glad

That I wasn't just another nigga trying to get in it

So every now and then we'd stop and talk for a minute

I didn't have a gimmick so the minutes turned to hours

On her birthday, I gave her a poem with flowers

Then I took her out to dinner after her cousin's baby shower

We talked about, power to the people and such

We spent more time together but it was never enough

I never tried to sneak a touch, or even cop a feel

I was too interested, in keeping it real

Perfectly honest and complete, she would always call me "cariño"

And never Technique, bought me a new book to read every 2 or 3 weeks

Forever changing the expression of my thoughts when I speak

It was because of her, I even deaded all of my freaks

She convinced me, to stop hanging out on the streets

To stop robbing and stealing, from people like you

Instead I took her out to the Apollo and the Bronx Zoo

Museo del Barrio and the Metropolitan too

Got to the point when I was either with her or my crew

So I decided one day, to tell her my feelings was true

I couldn't live without her so I told her, facing my fears

But honey's only response, was a face full of tears

She could only sob hysterically, holding me tight

I tried to speak, but she wouldn't stop until I left sight

I felt like a moth who got himself too close to the light

Except I didn't burn, I turned cold after that night

Don't you know that, time waits for no man

My fate, it's all planned

I'm blessed just to know you

I've loved and I've lost just to hold you all night

Can't find, a reason why

God came, between you and I

If I had the chance again, I'd never let you go

Hold tight to your love, cause you never know

I went on with my life, college and my career

Ended up locked up like an animal for a year

Where the C.O.'s talk to you like they were the overseer

Then I got sent to the hole, when my exit was near

At night in my cell, I'd close my eyes and I'd see her

Hold her close in my dreams, but when I woke she disappeared

Just an empty cell until the state gave me parole in the summer

Came back, in tact and on track

But the fact of the matter, is I still felt cold

Even after my mother, hugged me, crying at home

My real niggas would catch me thinking, outta my zone

Fucking lots of different women, but I still felt alone

Relatively well-known around the New York underground

But I kept thinking of her and how we used to be down

The sound of her voice, and the beautiful smell of her hair

Though gone physically, somehow it was still there

I had to do something, because the shit was too much to bear

So I went and visited the building where she used to live

The world looks a lot different after you do a bid

The way your life done changed

While primitive minds are still stuck in the same game

Like her cousin who was on the corner slanging cocaine

Stepped in the lobby and tapped the button next to her last name

Her mom buzzed me up and hugged me up, like a mother ought to

But her facial expression changed, when I asked about her daughter

Don't you know that, time waits for no man

My fate, it's all planned

I'm blessed just to know you

I've loved and I've lost just to hold you all night

Can't find, a reason why

God came, between you and I

If I had the chance again, I'd never let you go

Hold tight to your love, cause you never know

She told me that there was a note for me, that was left behind

She had left it there waiting, for such a long time

I was inclined to ask about it but she brought it up first

I saw a tear swelling up in her eye, and then she cursed

She told me where the letter was and I started thinking the worst

Reversed my position, stepped over and opened the door

And sure enough there was an envelope with my name on the floor

"Nobody loves you more than me, cariño" is what the letter said

"By the time you get to read this, I'll probably be dead

But when you left in '97 a part of me went to Heaven

I thank God at least I got to know what love really was

But it hurt me, to see what true love really does

Cause even though we never made love, you were all that there was

It was because I loved you so much that I had to make you leave

You made me doubt the way I thought, you made me want to believe

And then I slipped up, and I let you get close to me

It was hard to not be openly when people spoke to me

This was not the way I thought my life was supposed to be

Baby don't you see, I had a blood transfusion that left me with HIV

Hope didn't exist for me since late in 1993

I died a virgin, I wish I could've given myself to you

I cried in the hospital because there was no one else but you

Promise that you'll meet me in paradise inevitably

No matter what, I'll keep your love forever with me"

What happened for the rest of the day is still a blur

But I remember wishing that I was dead, instead of her

She was buried on August 3rd

The story ends without a sequel

And now you know why Technique, don't fucking fall in love with people

Hold the person that you love closely if they're next to you

The one you love, not the person that'll simply have sex with you

Appreciate them to the fullest extent, and then beyond

Cause you never really know what you got, until it's gone

[annaphoenix1994]

Colter - Old Friends (3)

Whole story masterlist here!

It was no surprise to Arthur that the knawing cold didn't seem to let up by morning. With a gruff sigh, he arose from his cot and fastened his gun belt around his waist, resisting the urge for a cigarette that he felt he desperately needed. He scratched his head before covering his unkempt hair with his weathered hat before opening a tin of biscuits and a can of peaches, quenching his hunger for at least a couple of hours.

He stretched before the old wooden floorboards creaked under his weight as he walked, seeing Dutch and Hosea gathered around the hearth as they discussed their plan.

"So what now, Dutch?" He heard Hosea question.

"We get strong. We get warm. And we wait. When the storm breaks, we need to move, but we're safe here." Dutch explained.

Arthur couldn't help but eavesdrop as he walked by on his way out of the cabin. He felt as if he needed the reassurance since he couldn't provide any type of explanation for himself. He shuttered his shoulders as he closed the cabin door behind him, welcoming himself to the morning wind as it felt to him as it was going to cut him in half.

"Javier," Arthur greeted as Javier was holding his post, a Carbine Repeater in hand.

"Arthur, how you doing?" Javier said through chattering teeth.

"Not freezing is good news," Arthur grunted as his palm rested on the doorknob. "What's he in there fussin' about?" He asked, referring to Micah.

Javier shrugged his shoulders, "Not sure, but he's probably upset because he has to share a room." He replied, sharing a chuckle with Arthur.

"Sure, the poor boy needs his privacy," Arthur snickered as he entered the cabin, greeted by the smell of bourbon and tobacco.

"-up with you boys, because I thought you liked action," Micah continued. "Couple of days on the lam and you lot have all turned yella!" He sneered as he handed the bottle of bourbon to Arthur as he found a seat for himself. "Apart from you, of course." He teased as he looked at his colored fellow gang member, Lenny Summers.

"Shut up, Micah!" Lenny hissed as he took a drag off of his well-needed cigarette. 'I didn't even smoke this much until I got stuck sharin' a cabin with this clown!' He thought.

"I ain't never seen so many long faces," Micah continued, not noticing Arthur glaring at him for his ignorance as he placed a log in the small hearth, presenting his gloved palms to the warmth, a slight jolt running through him as Javier slammed through the door, shaking the fresh snow from his coat.

"I guess... I guess folks miss them...that fell," Bill added, taking a needy drag from his cigarette.

"Well, when I fall, I don't want no fuss." Micah sneered.

Lenny snickered, "When you fall, there'll be a party!"

Bill laughed as Lenny playfully pat his shoulder as he looked over briefly at Arthur, who was bringing his freshly lit cigarette to his lips, letting the temptation take over as he couldn't go any longer without having one.

"A party...probably!" Bill repeated, snickering along with Lenny, not noting how Micah had stood to his feet to walk towards him.

"That funny, huh?" Micah said. "Sure," Bill replied before Micah delivered a blow to Bill's face before he could react, only to be stopped by Arthur and Lenny, who were both clenching their lips around their lit cigarettes as they forced Bill to sit back down.

"Maybe I don't feel like being laughed at by the likes of you two!" Micah sneered before shuttering as Dutch had now made his presence known.

"Stop it!" Dutch hissed. "Now! You fools punching each other when Colm O'Driscoll's need punching, hard. You wanna sit around waiting for him to come find us? All of you, we got work to do!" Dutch preached as Arthur made his way around him to go to his horse.

"Are you sure about this, Dutch?" Arthur asked as he rubbed his gloved hands together.

"Yes," Dutch replied sternly.

"Folks been through a lot recently...we hardly back on our feet yet," Arthur explained, exhaling a small cloud of smoke as he spoke.

"And the last thing we need is to be bushwacked by Colm O'Driscoll. Let's go." Dutch replied, guiding Arthur along with him to their horses.

"I know you hate him, Dutch,"

"He's here for us," He protested.

"I doubt that," Arthur shrugged.

"No, you're just doubting me,"

'Actin' just like a woman!' Arthur hissed to himself. "I would never doubt you, Dutch, you-you always said revenge is a luxury we can't afford."

"This is the right call, Arthur," Dutch insisted. "Take this," He demanded after he watched Arthur inspect the new repeater he had given him. "And this is about more than revenge for business long ago," He explained as he pulled a coil of rope from his horse before handing it to Arthur. "They were talkin' about trains and detonators. Colm always had good information."

"And you think now is the right time to hit a train?"

"Now you might fancy living on deer piss and rabbit shit...I'm getting too old for that life," Dutch teased as Arthur angrily flicked his cigarette into the snow. "Mr. Matthews, Mr. Smith, Mr. Pearson, would you please look after the place? There are O'Driscoll's about!" Dutch warned before leading his clan into the mountains.

───※ ·❆· ※───

"Alright, gentlemen, this is it!" Dutch said as he and the gang rode silently on the outskirts of their target's camp. "Are we goddamn ready?"

"Ready, Dutch!" Lenny, Bill, and Javier said almost in sync.

"Good. Now, Mister Morgan and I, we're going to head up here a little, see if we can't get a sense of the layout of the camp. Mister Williamson, Mister Bell, you two take up a hidden position just outside the camp. Mister Summers, Mister Escuella, you two hold position here. Let's go!" Dutch commanded before he and Arthur dismounted their horses and making their way up the hill to be perched on a ridge, getting a clear layout of Colm's camp.

"Perfect," Arthur mumbled as he pulled out his binoculars, scanning around the camp.

───※ ·❆· ※───

"Who's he talking to? He don't seem very happy." Dutch whispered as he and Arthur were analyzing the commotion below.

"No..." Arthur replied, keeping his binoculars set on Colm and the soul he had just slapped.

"Are they leaving?" Dutch asked as the unidentified man had climbed on his horse.

"Seem to be. Should we go get 'em?" Arthur asked.

"No. Colm can wait. Best to get some of them outta there," Dutch replied. "And much less fun to rob him and his score if he never finds out about it," Dutch and Arthur snickered. "Come on, let's get down there."

───※ ·❆· ※───

Kieran fumbled through his saddlebag on his horse, desperately trying to find the manuscript that was almost stolen from him by Minnie Barlow. Sweat beaded on his cold skin as he knew Colm was closeby, seeing that his solid black stallion was ground-tied a few yards away from him.

"Duffy!" Colm yelled. Kieran jolted as he immediately jogged to his leader.

"Why weren't you gonna tell me about runnin' into Miss Barlow?" Colm questioned with a sly grin on his lips.

"I-I was..." Kieran stuttered as he looked around. "I-I didn't let her get it, though. She almost shot me!" Kieran explained.

Colm chuckled, "You're damn lucky she didn't! And you'll be damn lucky if I don't shoot you right now for runnin' away when Dutch van der Linde is shootin' up my boys!" He hissed.

"I-I didn't run away!" Kieran protested.

"That's not what Phil's cousin said!" Colm argued as he slung his leg over his horse's back before lunging down and grabbing Kieran roughly by the collar, pulling him harshly into his horse's shoulder. "Said you were runnin' away. I'll tell you what: you get outta here and bring me Miss Barlow. I don't care how you do it, just do it," He hissed, his tobacco and whiskey tainted breath filling Kieran's nostrils.

"I'll die out there if I go now, please!" Kieran begged.

"I don't really care if you die or not, boy! Do it!" Colm demanded before slapping him and letting him go. "And don't you come back unless you got her!"

Kieran nodded as he ran to his horse, mounting quickly before digging his heels into the horse's sides, urging him to go as fast as he could. 'Just south-just find my way down south and I'll be fine!' Kieran assured himself as his adrenaline was causing his body to feel like it was taken over by static.

───※ ·❆· ※───

"Maybe I should take the lead on this one Dutch, they're gonna be gunnin' for ya once it starts," Arthur warned as he and Dutch trekked through the snow, clutching a weapon as they snuck through the outskirts of the camp.

"They haven't got me yet, but if you want, I'll wait on your call!" Dutch replied as they soon caught up to the others, who were behind one of the thin wooden walls that made up the perimeter of the camp.

"Hey! Anybody seen that new kid?" Arthur heard a fellow member ask from a nearby cabin.

"The one with the funny lookin' horse?" Another asked.

"Yeah!"

"Colm told him to bring back that Minnie Barlow if he wanted to come back!" A man answered.

"Minnie Barlow?" Dutch questioned as he looked back at Arthur. "She's around here?"

"I wouldn't think so..." Arthur replied, trying desperately to hide the sting of hurt that pinged through him. 'What the hell is wrong with me?' He scolded himself as he tried to subside the feeling, focusing on the task at hand.

"Ah, yeah, can't wait to see that pretty blonde fightin' 'round here!" He heard a man say.

He let himself snap.

He took his place in cover as he fired shots from his new repeater. Seven bullets at a time before it took two seconds to reload. The environment around him became slow and at his pace as he, Bill, Micah, Lenny, Javier, and Dutch shot down each O'Driscoll gang member one by one.

───※ ·❆· ※───

"Good work boys! Now, let's tear this place apart!" Dutch commanded as he mounted his horse. "Arthur, you take that building to the left!"

"Find those detonators, explosives, anything you can!"

Arthur nodded as he followed Dutch's directions, making his way to the desired building as told. He grinned as he approached the suspected explosives, recognizing the SAMSON BROS. SAINT DENIS DYNAMITE case, opening the weathered crate to see the prize possession.

"Here...this looks good...what do you think, Bill?" Arthur asked as he handed the former Army soldier the explosives.

"Looks fine...smells good." Bill snickered as he held the dynamite to his nose.

"Come on," Arthur said as Bill followed suit to join the rest on their horses.

"Did we get everything?" Dutch asked.

"Think so, Boss," Micah replied, handing him a manuscript. "Found this on one of them."

Dutch nodded as he opened the manuscript to see not only a map of a train's schedule but a small map of the whole region with small markers on certain areas such as the western region of the Grizzlies and an area close to Citadel Rock. Dutch furrowed his brows as he continued to study the map. "Did you find anything else?" He asked Micah.

"Found this," He replied, pulling out a small journal-like folder from his coat. Dutch retrieved it from him, seeing a 'wanted' poster enclosed. He chuckled as he knew he could poke fun at Arthur.

There she was.

Her 'wanted' poster opened to another gang leader.

"Looks like a train ain't the only thing they're after," Dutch said, getting the other member's attention.

"What is it, Boss?" Micah asked.

"They're after another outlaw aside from us," Dutch explained, holding the poster up for everyone else to see, noting Arthur's reaction once his eyes finally lay on the woman he had been so curious about. "Minnie Barlow. Sounds like she keeps herself busy by takin' robberies from Colm. Remind me to buy her a drink!" Dutch joked. He looked at Arthur, who didn't pay any attention to what was just said. His eyes were fixated on Minnie's picture: blonde hair, hazel eyes, and a slight scar on her cheekbone.

She was beautiful.

'She wouldn't have to hold a gun to me to steal my heart.' He sighed to himself, blinking his eyes quickly to rid the doubtful thought to keep the focus on what he was doing.

"Lemme see it!" Micah asked as he reached his hands up at Dutch to retrieve the poster. "I can see why Colm's after her. Fine lookin' woman!" Micah teased, hiding his past

Arthur shook his head, not wanting to hear anything else come from his mouth. "Give me that!" He hissed as he took the poster from Micah. "Remember the task at hand here, you fool!"

Micah put his hands in the air, "Oh, I'm sorry, you can have that so you can have somethin' to jack off to later!" He seethed.

"Enough!" Dutch intervened. "Arthur's right, we have far more things to worry about than drooling over a picture! I'm sure you boys can take out your frustrations when we get out of here and find a town, but for the time being, remember what we're doing!" Dutch preached. Micah and Bill groaned as they mounted their horses.

"Arthur, hold these for me," Dutch said as he handed him the manuscript and the 'wanted' poster. "Keep the poster. She has a high bounty on her head. Maybe we can rack in extra cash." He explained. Arthur looked at him almost appalled but soon realized that he only said it because he knew the other men were listening. Dutch knew Arthur too well to know that he was developing an early crush, which wasn't likely of him, but he didn't do a good job of hiding it. "This was something about the train they was gonna rob. A Mister Leviticus Cornwall," Dutch continued. "Mount back up. Let's keep moving!"

Arthur gripped the reins tightly as he was not mentally prepared to face the harsh winds of Mother Nature. Dutch's speech the entire ascent down the mountain went through one ear and out the other as if he had heard it before. As a matter of fact, he had heard it all before.

Multiple times.

"Hey, you see that feller? Wasn't he at the camp with Colm?" Dutch asked over the whistling wind, interrupting Arthur's thoughts.

"Leave him to me," Arthur grunted, nudging his horse into a canter before breaking to a trot to cross the river.

"Alright, we're heading back. Just bring him back alive. He could be useful!" Dutch said as he and the rest of the gang parted from Arthur.

"Okay, you got it!"

"You got the wrong feller!" He heard the young man yell from ahead.

"Not so fast there, partner!" Arthur mumbled as he dallied his rope around the saddle horn, pulling the young man from his horse and into the snow. "You're comin' with me!" He said as he effortlessly tossed the man to where he was laying on his torso.

"Please, please, you don't need to do this!" He begged.

"What's your name, boy?" Arthur interrogated as he tossed the man over his horse's hindquarters before tethering the man's horse to his own.

"I don't know!"

"You don't know your name?" Arthur questioned.

"It's Kieran! Kieran Duffy!"

"Well, I ain't gonna lie to you, this is a real bad day for you Kieran Duffy," Arthur chuckled.

"Where are you taking me?"

"Somewhere you ain't gonna like,"

"Why? What are you gonna do to me?"

"Something you ain't gonna like! So I'd advise you to save your breath for screaming," Arthur demanded.

"No, please!" Kieran begged. "A-Are you runnin' with Minnie Barlow? She threatened to shoot me a couple of days ago and-"

"She was a fool for not shootin' ya!" Arthur replied, not liking that the subject of Minnie Barlow had yet been brought up again to him.

"I-I'm no use to you!" Kieran pleaded.

"You better shut your mouth, you little shit, or I will shut it for you," Arthur threatened.

His horse whinnied at the other horses as they arrived back to camp, "Here we are, you sack of shit. Let's introduce you to the boys." Arthur chuckled as he slung Kieran over his shoulder.

"Don't hurt me, please!"

"Are you trying to test me, is that it? Because I will break every bone in your body!" Arthur threatened.

"N-no! I'm sorry!"

"That's two bones right there!"

📷

"You found the little shit, did you," Dutch chuckled as he stepped outside the cabin as Arthur slung Kieran into the snow.

"Yep...I got him,"

"Very good. Welcome to your new home. Hope you're real happy here!" Dutch explained in sarcasm.

"You want me to make him talk?" Arthur asked as he stood the man up after cutting his ankles free of rope, gripping his shoulders roughly.

"Oh no, now all we'll get is lies! Uncle. Mr. Williamson, tie this maggot up someplace safe. We get him hungry first. I got a saying, my friend: we shoot feller who need shooting, save fellers as need saving, and feed 'em as need feedin'. We're gonna find out what you need," Dutch explained, holding the manuscript briefly up to let Kieran see that it now was in his possession. "I can't believe it! An O'Driscoll in my camp!"

"No, I ain't an O'Driscoll, Mister!" Kieran begged. "I hate that feller!"

"Oh, whatever you say, son! Well done, Arthur!"

"I'm just sorry we missed out on Colm,"

"Oh, there's time enough for that. Now, I gotta figure out if we can hit that train," Dutch replied before dismissing himself into the cabin to talk about matters with Hosea.

"Okay," Arthur replied, looking around before pulling out the 'wanted' poster of Minnie that he was given by Dutch back at Colm's camp. He only had a brief look at her then, but now that everything around him had slowed down, he could really take her in.

"WANTED"

DEAD OR ALIVE

$8,000.00

MINNIE "BANDIT" BARLOW

THEFT, ROBBERY, and ARSON

ARMED AND DANGEROUS

APPROACH WITH CAUTION

LAST SEEN OUTSIDE CITADEL ROCK, NEW HANOVER

[illyriantremors]

Part 1 Okay this is in regards to your ask about feyre and her not feeling the mate bond sooner, so I thought it was weird too and I think maas mostly had feyre feel it during sex for the sake of connivence, but also the humans in Acotar are different they have no magic and its obvious they can't feel mate bonds unlike humans in Tog, but I think she could feel something because there are a couple times she can feel what Rhys is feeling 'deep inside her' and brushes it off as it being the bargain

Part 2, but she didn't seem to feel much more than that as a human, but then after she becomes fae she starts to feel rhysands feelings more deeply and like you or the anon said she freaks out, she feels guilty and she probably wasn't 100% ready to love just yet and I think unknowingly she also fought the bond as well. Its kinda like with rowaelin it took aelin months before she realized rowan was her mate and I think rowan even said once that some fae don't feel the bond until they have sex

Okay last one, You also can't forget when Rhys got shot from the sky, Feyre lost it she was so angry and slaughtered all the fae (I think they were fae?) that took him, and i'm pretty she had a thought afterwards of how worried she was and it was almost consuming for her idk something along those lines, so I think it was always there for her she just needed time to heal , but I'm still a little annoyed she felt the bond so late in the story. sorry I sent so much I just feel so strongly about it!

Don’t be sorry - this is great discussion!!!

I’ve been sort of thinking about this since that last ask I answered and I think that I kind of don’t care anymore that there was so much in the way for Feyre, like emotionally holding her back. If you look at Rhys’s parents - they didn’t know each other at all, and yet, the bond just hits instantly the moment they look at each other. I don’t expect that for Feyre, but what’s important to me here is that all it took was one look and the bond locked, almost as if they had no choice, no say, no forewarning. it just happened. It was the magic of the bond at work forcing it’s will into them. It stands to reason that if the bond can just do that, manifest itself at will regardless of your circumstances, then Feyre should have had that moment at some point pre-mating, no? And yet, she doesn’t. It makes me sad. I mean I guess she doesn’t have to have that moment, but I’m sad she is denied the ability to be hit with it just as strongly as Rhys.

Like, Rhys tells her in Chapter 54 - he felt the bond, was aware of it, but it never hit him until the balcony and in that moment - he wasn’t denying it or accepting it; it just happened without him really thinking about it. Feyre never felt the bond hit her that same way. She was aware of the bond even if she didn’t know what to call it or thought it was the bargain talking, but the full impact never hit her and that’s what I take issue with, I guess? Like, I just wish she was given that capability and opportunity to feel it naturally for herself? Why is it that becoming Fae makes the bond snap for him but not for her? Why can it heighten someone else’s awareness, but not your own?

***As I’ve said in a few spots, I don’t deny that Feyre feels the bond throughout the books. It’s the lack of it snapping into place for her - that soul-crushing moment that rearranges your life and makes you see straight, that drives you towards the other person from that point on whether you want it or not, the knot in her stomach that pushes stumbling backwards as Rhys did on the balcony, that moment - that drives me batty.***

^Probably the main point I’m realizing tonight would be that paragraph.

And even if she lacks that moment, yes she feels the bond, but it’s clearly felt far less strongly than what Rhys is enduring. Sure his bond has hit him at that point, so it makes sense. But like, I just hate that she is robbed of that ability to feel it as intensely as he does. I’ve sort of theorized that there is a lot of magic that pulls strings in mate bonds and semi-controls the will/actions of mates depending on what stage of the bond they’re at. So it bothers me to no end that the “magic” behind Feysand would give it to Rhys and not Feyre.

I do see the parallel to ToG you mentioned, which is awesome! But from the limited stuff I’ve read, I’m not sure I like using the two series to inform each other on bonds. They seem way different to me in how Sarah handles them in each series respectively. I hope you don’t mind my lack of response there! :)

xx