#she cracks me up

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

#Sheryl Lee Ralph Representing Gregory/Janine Shippers

[togrowoldinv]

So true 😂

[astrobydalia]

Ariana Grande is proof that no one can do passive-aggressive as gracefully as a Libra Moon

[cuephrase]

my 6 year old niece, apropro of nothing: so which robin is my favorite?

me: i didn't know you had one?

her: well show me them so i can pick one

*pulls up pics*

her, pointing to damian: that one. he's my size. WAIT! is he the funniest one?

me, unprepared: um-

her: okay so he's not

me: no, well, it's not that simple, it kinda depends on your kind of humor-

her: tell me their humors then

(it's important to note here that she is obsessed with death. it's both very funny and very serious to her. we spent two weeks learning about ostriches and her main takeaway fun fact about them was that they can kill you with a kick. okay? stage sufficiently set.)

me: dick makes puns, jason...*grins* jason makes a lot of death jokes because he died.

her, eyes lit tf up: that one. it's that one. he's my favorite. i love death.

me, laughing: i know you do. guess what? the small one died too.

her: can i have two favorites?

bonus:

my 11 year old niece, dropping any pretense of doing her homework: so does batman have so many robins because he keeps killing them?

[win-x]

winx iconic moments 3/?

[marjoree]

Spent some time with a six year old this weekend. Have found my humor spirit animal.

[honeybees-honeycomb]

Apothecary diaries novel spoilers up to like at least book nine incoming!

Watching Maomao continuously deny her family relations despite how useful they could be to her and how obvious it is to almost everyone else is hilarious and the kind of stubborn I aspire to lmao

[angelstills]

Feather (2023)

[a-small-writer-in-a-big-world]

I asked my friend to rate MW2 characters and tell me what their names are

DISCLAIMER: she has no clue what MW2 is or who any of the characters are (except for Ghost bc of me) so don’t take anything she says seriously it’s all for jokes and we were cracking UP

I wanted to put the screenshots but there were too many so I’m just copying what she said

Price

-Jim but goes by Jimmy

-“He looks like an asshole of father.”

-“It’s giving daddy issues”

- Said he looked like my dad but then looked at the picture better and took it back thank god

4/10

Ghost

-Ghost

-“That is a fine ass white man that has veins popping out his arms that I want to stick and bleed dry.” (She’s a nursing major)

10/10

Soap

- Shawn

- “He’s American Indiana trash. He only here cause it was is only way to see the world. He has two baby mamas, one black one white and they lowkey fight so they get more money out of him. But his kids(🩷💙) adore him.”

- “And his just there he don’t do shit”

3/10

Gaz

- Dante

- “He the communication guy in the group. He has a white girl named Megan back at home waiting for him to return home safe so they can start they family. This first serious mission with the cool guys.”

5/10

Alejandro

- Hunter

- “He is the captain douche, he constantly ask to see ghost 👀🫣unmasked. He has ✨fine✨ mamacita 💃at home in DR 🇩🇴waiting for him. He like to call people ese constantly.”

4/10

Rudy

-Matheus

-“ This is dad he the father of the group. He has to constantly remind the three masked ones just cause u in a mask don’t mean u can’t get ur asses handed to ya. He the voice of reason. This is his “last tour” so he can go back home to the suburbs to his wife of 10 years and their three little girls. He secretly wishes for a boy. Also he was in a frat in his youth”

7/10

König

- Reed

- “Oh this one know he 🥵 too. Him and Ghost def fuck the same girls at one 🇫🇷🧎🏽‍♀️. He has mommy issues and issues in general 🤷🏽‍♀️. He def wants only to be called Sir 🫡 in the bedroom. He lowkey clingy as hell.”

9/10

Graves

-Derek

- “This Detective Douche. He instigates things amongst the group. They always leave him out and he gets whiny about it. He was a cop before this. He does light drugs on the job and is an alcoholic that explains that horrid haircut and thin spots.”

- “He butt ugly.”

-1/10

Alex

- Gunner

- “He the wild child. But he also smart about it. If he wasn’t here he would be on jackass doing stupid shit. He constantly smells good. He also look likes the man thats for the big girls. He had Aussie herd dog at home in his one bedroom apartment. But his mum is watching the dog atm. He also Australian but came to the uk and got citizenship.”

8/10

Laswell

-Tilda Swinton

-“With Ellen’s hair.”

- “I don’t like how she’s looking at me.”

- “No comment.”

-2/10

Farah

- Iris

- “They kidnapped her.”

- “She didn’t join them willingly.”

-“She was the hostage turned army woman.”

2/10

Again don’t take any of this seriously she has no idea what these games are about lmao. Will not be tagging this it’s just for my followers lol

[samrut]

Feliks: "This is the dress code for my funeral!

Listen up!

You can look good, but don't look better than me!

It's my event, not yours.

Don't you dare wear flip-flops. The last thing I want to see is your feet.

You don't have to wear black. Don't be boring! Wear some colour!

You can also wear my merch! Look how slay it is! There will be a merch table at the funeral, so then you can buy some.

Love ya'!"

[1moreoffkeyanthem]

Some of my favorite things to come out of the messages w the e-wife the past few days as I struggle through the style smut are “whoreheartedly”, “god slam the king”, and this:

[livelovecaliforniadreams]

[alygator98]

I still can't get over KTY saying Beatrice is not bitchless, a bitch will come.

[thefemmeeros]

my butch after fucking me with her fingers, tongue, and strap for hours and making me cum too many times to count: "wow baby you work so hard for me! you really did that! you're amazing!"

like sir idk how your right arm is still connected to your body!! all I did was open these legs😐

[scooplery]

favorite texts from my mother this week

[theemperorsfeather]

My fucking cat, I swear - she's crying because it is dinner time and the proper routine has not been done to her satisfaction. There is food in her dish!! She didn't finish her breakfast! But she didn't see me dump it there in front of her for dinner time!! Ok, fine, ok. I get half a scoop ready to pour it in and she headbonks my hand, food goes everywhere, none in the dish, but that's fine, now she can eat the food that was already there, proper procedure has been followed.