#she comforted the girl in the first parked car cos she was crying cos she got scared (valid) which was sweet

[arlo-venn]

Wanda got hit y’all 🥲 A girl didn’t see a stop sign and her car threw mine into several parked cars. Juni was with me. Everyone involved is okay! There was a girl in the first parked car, too. Juni was seatbelted and seems unphased. The other cars didn’t have their drivers in them. Wanda is a little worse off than the photos show; not driveable, but I think it should be fixable? We’ll see. I feel bizarrely unphased.

Oh! This is my first ever car accident, I’ve never even been a passenger in one. Made it to 31! Pretty good lol.

[wardenparker]

For Protection

Joel Miller x female reader Co-written with @absurdthirst

Rating: E for Explicit Word Count: 16.1k Warnings: Cursing, food, references to unplanned pregnancy, past pregnancy, mentions of lost loved ones/family, some talk about bodily functions (nothing weird, I promise), angst, comfort, so much yearning, flirting, fingering. Joel calling his daughter ‘baby girl’ gets its own warning. Summary: The chance to stop and rest while on the road with Joel, Ellie, and baby Caroline ends up giving you and Joel a chance to talk about some things that have been building up again since you reunited in Lake City. Notes: The third part of the “For” series is here, my loves! We just absolutely love this little found family and were so excited to visit them again. And it happily coincided with a chance to see my fairy goddaughter again, who is the real-life Caroline that I love and adore. Big love and hugs to @becsworld for finding it absolutely silly that I named a character in a story after her baby girl 💗

Also in the series: For Her For Pleasure

“Oh god.” The dramatic gagging tears Joel’s eyes off the road to the rear view mirror. Finding Ellie slapping her hand over her nose and turning green. “I think she shit again.” She groans “Why do babies shit so much?”

He rolls his eyes, nose twitching as the first waft of the pungent aroma of baby shit works its way to the front of the car. The very proof needed that Caroline had indeed shit herself and it was going to be a foul diaper. “Babies shit. They eat, sleep, cry and shit.” He grunts, looking back at the road and for a safe place to pull off for a quick pit stop. It was an opportunity to scout for more gas as well. “That’s all teenagers seem to do too.”

"I won't make you change her diaper this time, El." You chuckle from where you are twisted slightly in the front seat, wiggling your finger in Caroline's mighty grip to make her coo and giggle. Joel had insisted that Ellie learn a few basics of taking care of the baby before the four of you set out on the road together and that included changing diapers. And while she had learned, she certainly hadn't been happy about it.

“God, it’s so gross.” Ellie whines. “I’m rolling down the window.” She huffs, trying to wiggle closer to the window to reach the button but Joel presses the locks.

“No.” He grunts. “We’re stopping.”

There's the fading remnants of a big food mart up ahead. One of the ones that has a gas station in the side parking lot, and you know you'll at least find a counter inside that you can spread Caroline's blanket out on to turn it into a changing station. "Do you think we could go inside?" It doesn't look too decrepit. There might even be some kind of food or supplies left if you dig hard enough.

“Let me check it out first.” Joel won’t deny you the opportunity to try to scavenge for supplies but he has become over cautious with where he lets you go with Caroline in tow.

"We'll stay put and stink up the car while you scout." That draws a groan from Ellie, but you just shake your head and laugh. It had been a miracle to get the car in the first place – trading the house you had renovated and lived in to two families who had pooled their resources to make it a fair trade. Now they have a home, and you have a car with a trunk full of gear and some food.

“Just a quick look.” The car pulls to a stop and Joel throws it in park. Anxious eyes find yours and he pulls the gun out of the holster on his hip to hand to you. “Get behind the wheel.” He reminds you. The same order that has been drilled into your head every time a stop happens and he is out of sight. He pops the trunk to retrieve the rifle, not wanting to stash it in the backseat with the kids.

"I got it," you promise him, climbing over things to get into the driver's seat. There are rules that need to be followed out here and you and Ellie both had promised Joel that what he said was law while you were traveling.

“Good girl.” He grunts, quickly walking back to grab the rifle and checks to make sure that it is properly loaded, even though he had checked it just this morning.

"These places used to be so much fun to come to when I was a kid." Sometimes when it's just you and Ellie, you slip into this odd sort of nostalgia and end up telling her odd things about the past. "My mom would make a whole day out of it. We would come up to the store like this near us in the late morning and eat all the samples they were handing out all over the store for our lunch."

"Samples?" Ellie tilts her head and then her eyes widen when she understands what you are meaning. "They gave away free food!" She exclaims, leaning forward to both escape the noxious fumes and to talk to you. "That's so cool. I bet it was good food too!"

“Sometimes it was. Sometimes it was weird. But that’s why you had to try it and find out.” Even while you’re talking, you keep your eyes on the door where Joel disappeared. The fact that he goes and does these sweeps without Ellie for back up drives you insane, but there’s nothing you can really do about it. Not when he reminds you quietly how important she is and turns those great big brown eyes on you.

“He’ll be okay.” Ellie assures you, her own eyes on the door and tense. It’s better now that you and the baby are with them, she feels safer, but there’s still a whole lot of shit to deal with. “He’s old, but he’s fucking tough.”

“I know he is. That doesn’t stop me from worrying though.” That’s your child’s father in there, and you tell yourself that that is why you care so much.

“I know.” Ellie looks over at Caroline as the first sound of unhappiness starts to wind up from the baby. “Oh shit, he needs to hurry.”

“You know she always calms down.” The first time Ellie had borne witness to a long crying spell she acted like it was the end of the world, which honestly you could understand. It was only the first time. But sweet little Caroline always calms down eventually, and this one makes sense as you reach your hand out to her again to see if you can distract her with finger puppets. “You’d be upset too if you were sitting in your own waste.”

“I know.” Twisting in her seat, Ellie puffs up her cheeks and crosses her eyes. “Hey, hey, it’s okay.” She chants softly, scrunching up her nose when Caroline pauses mid-squawk to stare at her. It might be temporary, but it was a good distraction from waiting for Joel. The kid was cute, when she wasn’t covered in baby shit.

“She really likes you.” Caroline has a sort of fascination with Ellie that you can’t place, which has resulted in some very sweet – if temporary – moments between them. She will look at the older girl with absolute awe sometimes and just start giggling happily, leading the teen to ask once if it was possible the baby was plotting her murder.

“She’s really cool.” Ellie admits, grinning when Caroline reaches for her and squeals happily. Her hand immediately is grabbed by the younger girl and she tugs like all babies do. “For a poop machine.”

You’re laughing softly when Joel appears at the door of the large store again and waves to give you the all clear. “Looks like we’re okay,” you tell Ellie before turning back to make sure Caroline is all set. “Come on, baby girl,” you coo at her, having picked up the nickname from Joel. “Daddy says it’s safe inside, so let’s go get you changed.”

Joel watches as you take the baby out of the car seat he had stolen from an abandoned car and put her in the basket you would carry her in. He had been thinking about trying to find one of those things that strap a kid to your chest. That might be easier and leave everyone with two hands to use. “There’s still some stuff in here.” He assures you. “Doors are still good. Maybe we can camp early tonight.”

“That would be nice.” Four walls to sleep inside of again would definitely be a trade up. You could roll out the sleeping bags and actually stretch out instead of sleeping cramped in the car. “What kind of supplies are still hanging around?”

“Some that I think you’re going to be very happy about.” Joel chuckles as he motions to the box that is on the ground just off to the side. Disposable diapers. He had done a quick sweep of the store, but that aisle had caught his attention. There was also one case of baby wipes left, although they were probably no good.

“Holy shit.” Your appreciative groan is very real. Cloth diapers on the road are not an ideal situation by any means. “I could kiss you for finding those.”

Ellie snorts, smirking. “Kissing got you into this situation.” She reminds you, making Joel roll his eyes.

“Just for that, you change her.” He grumbles at the teenager, trying to ignore the urge to collect on that kiss.

“I’ll change her.” The way Ellie looks so dismayed at being tasked with the job practically has you giggling. “You should watch though, Ellie. So I can show you how these diapers work.”

Joel does chuckle, lifting his brows when Ellie swings a glare towards him and just waits her out as she huffs.

The agreement that all three grown people should know how to take care of the baby’s basic needs has caused no end of huffing and puffing from Ellie, but still she always learns. She’s aces at feeding the little girl, always good for some play time, and likes to tell the baby stories that she’s read in old books or comic books. In another life – the life before this one – she would have made an amazing big sister. Even in this world, she’s a damn good surrogate for that role.

When you pick Caroline up from the basket, Joel takes his rifle off his shoulder and shoves it into Ellie’s hands. “I’ll do it.” He volunteers, having plenty of experience with dirty diapers before the Outbreak. He had raised Sarah by himself, with Tommy lending a hand sometimes.

“Sure.” You have intentionally encouraged them to bond – Joel and his daughter – and now you hand her over without a fuss. She waves her little fists in the air as if cheering to find her daddy in view again, then promptly remembers she has a full diaper and the terrible tremble of her chin starts all over again. It’s wails this time instead of squawks, and you tut in sympathy as Joel carries her over to an empty counter to get her cleaned up.

“It’s okay, baby girl.” He coos softly, chortling at her with a soft smile on his normally serious face. It’s hard not to lower his guard around this baby, his baby. “We’re going to get you cleaned up,” he looks over his shoulder. “Open up the diapers and see if those wipes haven’t dried out, will you?” He asks, concentrating on unwrapping Caroline from her little sleeper and chuckling when she kicks a foot. “I know, I know. We’ll have you changed in no time.”

One of the diapers is pulled free of the package easily and you set it next to him, but frown when you pry open the package of wipes. “These are goners,” you tell him, obvious disappointment lacing your frown. “That would have been too good to be true.”

“That’s alright.” Joel tuts and shakes his head. “I’ll just set up a soaking bucket like we’ve been doing.”

“I’ll do it.” There is a rhythm to things already. Just a couple of weeks together and so far you haven’t wanted to kill each other or yell or disagreed on the way things should be done. It’s given you…thoughts that absolutely won’t go away. Butterflies in your belly, a spike in your heart rate, sweaty palms from nerves that make no sense because what do you have to be nervous about? You’ve literally already had this man’s baby. It doesn’t get more intimate than that. But still you feel like a schoolgirl half the time you look at him.

“Thanks.” He nods and keeps his eye on Caroline as he unpins her diaper, well aware that the squirming baby could work her way off the counter. Or spray him with a geyser of urine. The myth that only boys sprayed like a water hose was well dispelled when he was a young father.

It takes a little coordination, but Caroline gets changed with only a small amount of fuss, and soon she’s a happily babbling little baby again with no concept of the dangers of the world or the fact that you’ll be sleeping in an abandoned box store tonight. “Next time she cries it will be for dinner,” you predict, unable to keep the little smile of your face at the sight of Joel holding your little girl.

“That’s okay. Maybe we can find something to make a carrier for her.” Joel murmurs, enjoying the cuddliness of his daughter for another moment before she has to go back in the basket.

“That would be good.” It would be much easier to carry her, certainly. “Maybe we can go take a closer look around while she’s not being fussy?”

“Yeah.” Holding out his hand for the rifle, Joel sends Ellie a pointed look. “Stay close by.” He knows the girl wants to go scout for her own supplies, but she also has a tendency to find trouble. Joel’s anxiety had more than tripled since leaving your old community, aware of how vulnerable all of you are out here with the baby.

It’s a slow and steady pace, working through this empty store. There are a few things left but they tended to be punctured or broken containers so the items were already spoiled. You’re feeling like this pit stop might be a waste except for the diapers when the group of you come across the stairs that lead up to the store offices. “It’s worth a look,” you suggest to Joel with a shrug, knowing that he would be the one to go up there first. The stairs are fine, but if there’s a clicker or a raider up there, he won’t want either of the kids anywhere near that.

His flashlight shines on the steps before he places his foot, tilting up so he can see in front of him and then back down again. Slowly climbing, he’d rather take his time than alert anything that might be up there. He looks over his shoulder at you when he gets to the top and then adjusts his grip on the handgun he had traded for the rifle. It was better in close quarters like this.

Ellie reaches back, one hand on your shoulder where Caroline is currently resting, as Joel disappears out of sight. For her, with the way she is coming to feel about Joel even unconsciously, it is now her job to make sure you and the baby are safe. The rifle is in her hands and she is the protector, watching over people who need it. It makes her stand up a little taller. Hold her chin a little higher. And you have that thought again about what a wonderful big sister she would have made.

The door is closed, making Joel pause for a moment before reaching for it. Feeling the handle turn easily, the door creaks open and the sight has Joel jumping back, startled.

The dried husk of an infected, separated from its group, is plastered to two of the walls, limbs akimbo and mouth open in the impression of a blood-curdling scream. Whoever had been hiding in here hadn’t been discovered for a very, very long time, and neither had their stash. Once Joel can tear his eyes off of the figure in front of him, his light sweeps the room and falls upon stacks and stacks of cans, bottles, and boxes. A small mountain of supplies has been sitting untouched just waiting for no one — until now.

Grimacing, Joel steps towards the body and checks with the barrel of the gun just to make sure that nothing moves or sprouts. When nothing does, he’s satisfied and steps back outside the door. “There’s a stash up here.” He tells you. “And a body. It’s dried out.”

That has Ellie on the move instantly, and you carefully climb the steps behind her with Caroline valiantly fighting sleep on your shoulder. This was definitely an office – there’s a desk and faded bullshit corporate motivational posters peeling off the walls to prove it – and whoever had been here had obviously intended to stay. “Holy shit is that bottled water?” You gasp, finding your eyes drawn to the bottom of the pyramid of packages.

“It is.” Joel chuckles and shakes his head. “It was a good idea. Staking out a store and keeping a large portion of the supplies for themselves.”

“It would have been a good idea,” Ellie snorts, barely inches away from the body on the wall. “If they hadn’t gotten themselves fungi-fied.”

Joel rolls his eyes, but his lips curve up in a quick smirk. “Let’s see what they have stored up here and hopefully have ourselves a good meal tonight.” The idea of carrying everything downstairs makes him groan, but more supplies are more supplies.

Boxes of beans, lentils, and rice come down the stairs. Jars of popcorn and bottles of soy sauce and honey. Salt, sugar, vinegar, even bottles of real maple syrup. There is powdered milk and even bottles of wine along with the water. Hand sanitizer and cleaning products. More than they could possibly fit into the car. When it’s all piled up in front of you, you almost can’t even laugh in amazement. “That guy really was just going to live his whole life in that office if he could.”

“Looks like.” Joel snorts and shakes his head. “Too bad he didn’t stock up on tampons.”

Ellie has clearly already thought of that and makes a grumbling sound, but you nudge her with your elbow. “You should find this place’s bathroom,” you suggest to the teen. “See if maybe the coin op machines or supply cabinets still have anything in them. Sometimes public bathrooms had little vending machines for tampons or pads.” They usually weren’t the best quality, but something is always better than nothing.

“Heyoooo.” Ellie smirks and nods. “I’m on it.” She grabs her bag, making sure her gun is in it and darts off into the darkness.

******

“We’re not going to be able to take all this with us.” The stash is honestly pretty impressive, and you stand next to the old Customer Service Counter where everything is piled with one hand on Caroline in her basket as she naps. “We should pick out the stuff that will be the best to use on the road and use some of the other stuff while we’re in one place.” Talking business - being practical - it helps you focus. There’s less time to get lost in Joel’s endless brown eyes if you’re planning three steps ahead.

“Diapers come with us.” Joel huffs. “And all the powdered milk. Maybe–” he scratches his chin. “Do you think they have bottles here? At least one or two? Or those sippy cups?”

“I can take a closer look at the non-perishable aisles.” On the road it’s a lot harder to feed Caroline anything besides the obvious times you breastfeed, and the milk will be invaluable. “It doesn’t look like anyone’s been in here in a long time so I don’t think we should have trouble tonight.”

“No, we shouldn’t.” Joel nods. “Why don’t I go check for gas?” He asks. “I can take the baby with me.”

“If you’re sure.” You never say no to him wanting to spend time with Caroline, and you keep your deeply felt competency kink to a damn minimum with just a smile. Joel doing chores and being a dad only reinforces what you’ve had to admit to yourself over these last few weeks – that you did, in fact, fall in love with him that night a year and a half ago. And that it may have faded a little, but it came screaming back the second he reappeared in your life.

“Course I’m sure.” He sends you a small wink and puts the gun back in the holster so he can take the basket. “Go do some shoppin’, I’ve got our baby girl, honey.” If it weren’t for the fact that there hasn’t been power, or employees, in this store he could have passed for any husband encouraging his wife to have a break from the baby.

The fucking mess of a cliché you become when he does something so normal and so sweet is why you’re rooted to the spot gazing longingly at the door when Ellie comes back from exploring the bathrooms with her backpack stuffed fuller than it was before. “Found a lot of tampons and pads.” She crows happily, tossing her bag down with slight relief. It’s a pain to bleed through shit when there’s nothing to put in her panties but ripped up clothes. “Whatcha doin’?”

“Oh—um—Joel took Caroline to go scout for gas.” You snap back to reality from your little floating fantasy of being a normal family in normal times and offer Ellie a smile. “I’m gonna go look for bottles or sippy cups or whatever else we can find. You wanna come?”

“Sure.” She shrugs slightly and then grins at you. “So were you daydreaming about baby daddy?” She coos teasingly. Even if she doesn’t understand what you see in Joel – he’s a man, ewww – she recognizes the looks you sometimes get when you think no one is paying attention.

Joel and Ellie might have a weird, sarcastic, father-daughter thing going on without either of them admitting it, but your own relationship with Ellie is a lot easier. You’re fairly comfortable together. Laugh together. And occasionally tease each other about girly shit to boot. “What if I was?” You ask her, side-eyeing the teen as you head for the baby supply aisle. “You gonna tell on me?”

“Might.” She jokes, knocking into your shoulder playfully. “Nahhhh, I’m not a snitch.” She laughs at her own comment and points her flashlight around. “Do you— do you regret it?” She asks after a moment. “Having her and not knowing if you would ever see him again? I mean, I know you did see him again, but….before?”

“No.” It’s a surprisingly easy answer for you, considering everything that raising a child in this new world entails, but you shake your head. “I was upset a lot when I was pregnant. Blaming him…or missing him and pretending it was blame. But the second she was born I knew that what he’d actually given me was a gift. Not something to hold a grudge over or regret.”

For a teenager, Ellie is surprisingly introspective. “It’s like you got to keep a piece of a single good moment?” She asks. “That’s something that’s rare.”

“That’s exactly it.” Knocking Ellie’s shoulder in turn gets her to smile again. “She’s my little reminder to remember the good times when things are hard.”

“Yeah.” She never met her mother, never even knew her name, and she frowns. Thinking about what Marlene had told her during those precious few hours before she was handed off to Joel. “She’s cool. And funny when she makes herself laugh.”

“And you’ve been a huge help in taking care of her.” It may not be her favorite thing, but she does a good job at it and it shows in her pride. “Didn’t think you’d ever get to be a big sister, did you?”

“Nahhh.” She shakes her head. “They kept the little kids separate from us in the FEDRA school.”

“And now look at you. An old pro after just a couple of weeks.” The demand for baby supplies when this store was last looted seems to have been small, thank god, and there are even some packages with old school basic baby toys like teething keys and some packs of things like toddler socks and baby bibs - things you never thought you would find anywhere. There is a whole one sippy cup remaining intact on the shelf and you could practically cheer over it.

“That’s a cool little cup.” Ellie takes the package from you and examines it. “So she doesn’t spill anything, right?”

“Exactly.” You nod, checking the shelves over for anything you might have missed. “All that powdered milk that Joel found in the office is going to be great for her.”

“That’s cool.” Food for Caroline is important, even Ellie can understand that. “I can’t remember the last time I had milk.”

“Do you want to have a sip the next time I make some up for the baby?” It won’t be the same, obviously, but you’re with Ellie. You can’t remember the last time you had a glass of cold milk. It sounds like the most amazing thing in the world right now.

“No, no, you save that for her.” Ellie knows how precious that can be and how much Caroline will rely on it. “I’m good. Hey–” she grins at you. “You can use that bottled water to make up the milk for her.”

“Yes we can.” And you cannot say what a relief it is that you won’t have to figure out how to get water and boil it clean before being able to make milk. “Between me and the boxes of powder, we should be able to keep her fed and happy until we get to Jackson.” Of course her diet is lacking, but it’s not like you could cook her fresh applesauce on the road or have access to bananas or puréed baby food of any kind. As soon as you get settled again, you’re restarting your garden with all the seeds and saplings you packed before you left Lake City.

“You know…” She frowns as she thinks about the foods that she had carried down. “I think there are some freeze dried fruits in those boxes.” She tells you. “Could you rehydrate them and feed them to her?”

If there are, we can absolutely do that.” The idea that the stash Joel found is actually a goldmine is a little overwhelming. You knew things would be hard on the road but you don’t want your baby girl to have to suffer for it.

“Cool.” She flashes you a proud grin. “I’ll look for them when we get back over to the pile.” She wants to help and contribute. Looking back at the shelves, she shrugs. “Anything else she might need? I have room in my pack.”

After a moment you almost climb the shelf, seeing something up a little too high for you to grab that might be the biggest find of them all. “If I boost you up, can you grab that box?” You ask Ellie, pointing to the corner of the green and white cardboard just out of reach. Joel would be able to get it with no problem, but he’s outside.

“No problem.” She scoffs at you and hands you the sippy cup back so she can scramble up the shelving with only a curse or two.

She’s a scrappy kid, and in under a minute she’s back down to you with a prize so precious you could cry. “Ellie,” you gasp when she hands it over. “You have no idea how great this is!”

“A breast pump?” She’s bewildered when she reads the box and just looks at you like you’ve grown a second head. “What’s so great about that?”

“You know how sometimes your boobs hurt when you’re on your period? Or they just feel a little swollen or sensitive?” The teen nods and you blow out a sigh. “Being able to breastfeed Caroline is fantastic, but it means I always feel full and sore. This way, I can pump some of the milk and put it in water bottles after we empty them. I just have to figure out how to keep it from spoiling.” If that’s at all possible. It’s not like you have a cooler full of ice in the trunk. “And the bottle means that either you or Joel can feed the baby now.”

“That would be cool!” She nods, grinning at the idea. Babies aren’t too bad, especially one that is as cute as Caroline.

“Let’s head back to the front of the store and see if you were right about that fruit.” With your hands full of baby things you are bordering on feeling normal all over again and it’s so soothing. New things for Caroline are rare, and chances to see Joel feeding her might be playing into that domestic fantasy you entertain right before falling asleep at night…and sometimes during the day.

******

Outside, Joel sucks on the hose until the gas hits his tongue and he quickly shoves the hose in the can. Spitting and coughing as Caroline gurgles and squeals in the basket beside him. “So that’s funny, huh baby girl?” He demands roughly, coughing slightly still but he can’t help but grin at her spit bubbling coo. “Fuck, I can’t believe how sweet you are.”

Caroline burbles, waving her hands like she’s at a rock concert and clapping every so often. She’s gotten the hang of single syllables like mah and guh so far and they’re peppered in her little sounds, making Joel chuckle again. “Tell me about it.” He hums, watching the level on the gas can rise. There’s another one nearby and it seems like this place is literally a gold mine for supplies. Which makes Joel sigh in relief.

“Da.” The giggling little mass of limbs and blankets proclaims, putting her hands out straight before wriggling with joy again.

Joel’s heart stops, or maybe it starts. Another layer of the icy protection he had built up around it cracking and falling away with a gasp and nearly physical pain. “Yeah? Da da! That’s me, baby girl.” He swaps the cans over quickly and bundles her up into his arms. “Da!” He prompts.

“Da!” She squeals again, apparently delighted to have gotten her message through to him. She swings both little fists down onto his shoulder with as much force as a seven-month-old can muster. “Da!”

“Oh my godddd.” Joel chokes out, tears springing to his eyes as he holds her close. Remembering Sarah’s first time saying Da and feeling so overwhelmed that he is experiencing it again, already in love with his new daughter. “I’m not going to let anything happen to you.” He rasps. “I promise.”

"Joel?" Leaving Ellie with the stash inside, you had slipped out the front door of the store again to check on him and see if he'd been able to find any gas. Instead you see him sitting with his back to the Volvo with Caroline cradled to his chest and tears streaking down his cheeks. "Oh my god." Instantly you're at his side, only not fully panicking because Caroline is babbling happily at his shoulder. "Is everything okay? What happened?"

“Hey– no, it’s– it’s good.” He shakes his head as you rush over, checking her. He doesn’t blame you, he would do the same. “She– she said Da.” He explains. “And I–” shrugging helplessly, he looks at you as if you should know how he is feeling.

"Oh..." Suddenly you're biting your lip and holding back your own tears as you look at the two of them together. Gently brushing the whisper soft hair on Caroline's head away from her eyes, you end up leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead and sigh. "Sometimes I can't wait until she's old enough to be talking to us and being her own little self, and then other times I can't believe how fast she's already growing."

“I— I can’t believe it.” He reaches out with the hand that isn’t holding Caroline to him. “I never– after Sarah, I never thought I would– I would have this again.” The words come out soft, broken. “And yet– she’s here.”

When he reaches for you you're helpless but to take the invitation, curling against his side so that the three of you are a little pile of cuddles on the ground beside the car. "Thank you for her." Your voice is just as quiet as his is, hushed in the intimacy of the moment. "She's the best thing that ever happened to me."

“It was distinctly my pleasure.” He jokes quietly, chuckling. “I— will keep both of you safe.” He promises again. “On my life.”

"You're not tied to us, Joel. You know that." The deal has been fairly clean cut. Once you get to Jackson, you're going to find your family and set up house again in the new community, so that Caroline can be raised safely if safety is at all possible. What Joel needs to do or not do with Ellie is his own business, and you've never had the guts to ask him what he planned on doing after that was over. Whether or not he would want to come back to make a life with his daughter. With you. "It's always up to you what you want to do."

He frowns and shakes his head. “I am tied to you.” He insists. “This is my daughter and you….” He breaks off. “You…are…important.” He has a fucking hard time admitting his emotions but his eyes are soft and pleading with you to understand. More expressive than his face could ever be.

"You're important to me, too." That is the very least of it, but it's the most you can manage without grappling a whole lot with emotions that you have barely sorted through. "And I'm not saying that I don't want you to be with us." It is, honestly, the biggest thing that you do want. But you know that you're talking about something big and you have absolutely no reason to believe that he's there yet. Or if he ever would be at all. "But I don't want you to feel forced. That's all I'm saying."

“I’m not feeling forced.” If you only understood how often he stays awake all night, watching over you and Caroline. It was bad enough when it was just Ellie, but now… he runs off the pure need to protect all of you.

"Good." You gently tighten your hand around his and nudge closer to him. "Because we're your family. And I've seen enough bullshit families in my life to know that when those people force you into staying around, you end up resenting them." The people you're going out west to find are the best of your biological family, in your opinion. The ones who never forced and always supported. The ones you want to be like now.

Family. He had told Ellie that you keep going for family and that’s what he’s doing. “I could never resent you or Caroline.”

"Ellie asked me if I regretted it." It comes tumbling out of your mouth faster than you can stop yourself, and you end up hiding your face from him so he can't see that feeling in your eyes. "But I don't. I can't. Not when that night gave us her."

“I don’t regret it either.” Joel hums, smirking and rolling his eyes. “But I also didn’t grow her for months and have to push her out of my body.” He regrets not being there, no knowing even if there was no way he could have known. He had thought about taking you back to Boston if you hadn’t adamantly said you were going west. “If it had happened before the Outbreak….” He shrugs. “Who knows what we would have done. Don’t think sleeping in a car counts as livin’ together.”

"If this was before the Outbreak, my father would have had you proposing at gunpoint." The visual makes you shake your head, laughing ruefully as you remember insisting that Joel put down his gun while you both stripped to prove you weren't infected the night you met.

“There are worse ways to end up married.” He chuckles and rubs Caroline’s back. “We should get set up for the night. We can load all the supplies up in the morning. Even make a fire in the building once we get it locked down.” He smirks. “I think there were some mattresses we could lay out.”

"A mattress." You groan happily and push yourself back to your feet before taking Caroline from him so that he can stand as well. After sleeping in a car, even a mattress on concrete sounds amazing. "Did you find enough gas?"

“Two cans worth.” Joel nods. “And there might be more, but I got distracted.”

"She's a cute little distraction." Cute, and grasping at your earlobes like they're pull toys. "Come on, baby girl. Let's let Da finish up and I'll feed you dinner?" Shooting Joel an excited grin, you shift the baby up on your arms. "You'll never believe what Ellie and I found. An untouched breast pump."

“Really?” He arches a brow in surprise. “That’s amazing, although I’ll miss watching you feed her.” He hums. You had allowed him to watch, especially at night, and it was still breathtakingly gorgeous. Even if the surroundings are crumbling and moldering, you with his daughter at your breast looks like Madonna and Child to him.

"You'll just have to be horny while I pump instead," you tease, knowing that that was not at all the primary reason for letting Joel in on the intimacy of Caroline's feedings. But still, you're in a good enough mood to tease him about it.

He grunts, not willing to voice the small feeling of guilt at how accurate that will be. It’s been a long goddamn time and he hasn’t tried to make any overtures towards you. “I’ll keep it in my pants.” He promises, smirking slightly.

"That would be a first for us." He hands you the baby's basket and you toss him a wink like he had given you earlier. "I'm gonna go back inside. You coming with me or are you gonna work on getting more gas before you lose the light?" He can always go back to it in the morning, but you know that Joel sometimes overprepares with good reason.

“Have the kid make a fire and I’ll bring in the sleeping bags as soon as I’m done.” He decides. “We’ll block the door and then sleep peacefully.”

"Sounds like a plan." Peaceful sleep hasn't happened since leaving Lake City, so that part of the plan sounds absolutely amazing.

Once he’s watched you walk with Caroline back into the store, Joel gets back to work. There are three other cars to check and he wants to strap as many cans of gas to the trunk as he can.

******

By the time he comes back inside things are looking more organized and Ellie has a fire going inside of a stone lawn decor oddity and you have some supplies laid out to put together a dinner for the three of you. There was a working kitchen in this store at one point – they must have sold pre-prepared foods – and you managed to find a decently sized saucepan and big metal spoon to essentially just have a functional stew pot. These are definitely things that can come with you to cook over an open fire on the road.

The doors shut behind him, Joel starts to push the large shelves that were nearby in front of them. To keep prying eyes out as well as to provide a barrier against anyone who might come during the night. He had hidden the gas and made the car look like it was one of the others in the parking lot.

"Beans and rice for dinner." You inform him from across the front of the store. Ellie had jumped up to help him with the shelves but Joel's seemingly inhuman strength got the job done before she could get to him. "I wonder if that popcorn still has any pep in it. Ellie says she's never had it before."

“Wouldn’t doubt that.” Joel hums. “I know I saw some hot sauce in the supplies but were there Tums?” He asks, lifting a brow. Getting older sucks and he knows he doesn’t want to stay up all night with heartburn.

"In my backpack." There wasn't a huge amount to be had, but what there is is precious. Heartburn had been the bane of your existence during pregnancy. "Hot sauce makes everything better."

“Everything.” He chuckles. “Especially when it’s Ellie’s turn to warm up food.” He smirks when the teenager stops poking the fire to glare at him.

Caroline seems to protest on Ellie's behalf and you chuckle, looking over at her basket to see her pouting at you heavily in that way that implies crying is imminent. "Uh oh," you hum, reaching for the baby. "I think it's dinner time for this one before it is for us." Typically you just cover yourself when you need to feed her, not wanting to make Ellie uncomfortable or even incur that conversation. This time you push up onto your feet and coo at your baby before offering the other two a smile. "I'm going to take a little stroll around the store while she eats. Pretend it's just a normal ass shopping trip."

“I’ll cook.” Joel nods, handing you the flashlight and leaning down to kiss the baby before he moves away reluctantly. He would walk with you if he could but everyone needs to eat and tonight will be a hearty meal.

"I can do it." Ellie insists, looking between the two of you like she's sure there's some kind of adult code going on that she doesn't quite understand. "It's just making sure it doesn't boil over, right? That's easy as fuck."

He’s doubtful but as he stares at her long enough for her to roll her eyes and sigh like all dramatic teens do. “Come on, man.” She huffs and he rolls his own eyes.

“Fine, but if you burn it, you eat it all.” He warns her.

The soft smile you aim at Ellie when Joel’s back is turned is for her eyes only, and you nod a small thanks to her before stepping away. She understands on a basic level, even if she doesn’t get why you feel so strongly about Joel, and you have to wonder if she’s had someone special to her already. Or worse, if she had lost them.

He tells himself that it’s just to make a final check of the building. Make sure there’s nothing he’s missed. Or hold the flashlight he’s already taken back and is holding steady as the two of you start to walk. “Feels like we should have a shopping cart.” Joel jokes, filling the silence as Caroline suckles hungrily.

“Just a little Sunday shopping trip for the family.” The slow and steady stroll is positively intimate, even though you don’t reach for his hand or anything like that. You’re focused on not jostling Caroline too much, even though she likes when you move around during meal time. “This place is huge, it’s nice for a walk.”

“It is.” Joel nods and imagines what that might look like before the outbreak. “When Sarah was younger, didn’t have much money. So it was about buying the most I could with what I had. Sunday was about my only day off.”

“What did you do?” You ask, realizing that because careers don’t much matter anymore, you don’t actually know what he used to do for work.

“Contractor.” Joel shakes his head. “By the end, I had my own business. Building a house that same damn day everything came crashing down. Never finished it.” Ironic that he’s nostalgic over a house he had been cursing all that day. Maybe because if he had finished it, it would have meant the world wouldn’t have fucking burned and Sarah would have been right beside him still. Or married and made him the grandpa Ellie keeps teasing him that he is.

“I was right to figure you for a hands on kind of guy.” Thoughts of him while you were apart had gone all kinds of ways, but the image of Joel as someone who worked hard and built things himself was always your favorite. He had been meticulous in the way you were together and you couldn’t see him being anything else in his work.

He chuckles and looks over at you with a sideways grin. “Have that look, huh?” He teases, knowing that he looks his age, and god knows he feels it.

“For a long time, my only memories of you were very hands-on,” you remind him with a smirk.

“Apparently I did a very thorough job.” He huffs with an ironic smile, reaching over to caress Caroline’s head as she eats. “The greedy little trophy is right here.”

A rueful laugh escapes your lips as you shake your head, smiling down at her regardless. “My nipples will never be the same.”

“They were nice nipples from my recollection.” Joel hums, thinking about that one night you had together.

“You seemed to be a fan.” When you laugh it’s more of a huff, and you peak down at Caroline again to see she’s starting to slow down. “Now they have a big stamp on them that says ‘Property of Miss Caroline Miller’, don’t they, baby?”

“What can I say? Imma guy.” He jokes, shrugging his shoulders. “I think it’s ingrained in our DNA.”

“Oh believe me, I’m not upset about it in the least.” Looking up at him beside you, you nearly sigh – that dreamy feeling in your chest coming back full force. “Not at all.”

He catches the look, his own heart clenching and flexing under the force of it. Knowing that this is his – to keep and protect – and it is something that scares him down to his very marrow. You, the baby, Ellie, all of you counting on him. Caroline gurgles, pulling your nipple out of her mouth and Joel immediately stops, setting the flashlight down and reaching for her. “I’ll hold her. Burp her.”

“Here.” The cloth you had on your shoulder is just a length of ripped sheet from your old house, but when it’s folded up it makes a decent burping cloth and you put it on Joel’s shoulder instead so you can rearrange your clothes once he takes the baby. It’s perfunctory, but these are the moments of intimacy that you have with him now. All revolving around your daughter.

“Thanks honey.” Joel smiles as he hoists his daughter up onto his shoulder. “She likes to soak me. I think she’s getting me back for not helping you when you were carryin’ her or pushin’ her out.”

“You know I don’t begrudge you for that,” you tell him quietly, picking up the flashlight after you straighten yourself out. “It’s not something you have to beat yourself up for, Joel. You didn’t know.”

“I wish I was there.” He pats Caroline’s back with a steady, firm hand and rubs it every third pat. He had used the same pattern with Sarah when she was a baby. “I woulda been there for everything.”

“If I had known how to tell you, I would have.” Short of traveling to Boston and probably being shot for walking up to the gates, there was nothing you could have done. It’s not like there is a mail service anymore. “I’m just…I’m glad you’re here now. That you get to be with her.”

“Me too, honey.” Joel continues to burp the baby until there is a loud belch that comes bursting out and he chuckles. “She’s gassy tonight.”

“Always an elegant little princess.” You laugh right along with him, obviously not meaning a word of it.

“We all will be after the beans and rice.” He jokes, winking at you and transferring her in the cradle of his arms so she can look up at him sleepily.

“And then we’ll all be instantly sleepy, just like that.” It isn’t the same as it used to be. A full belly doesn’t automatically mean relaxation and security. But a full belly is also rare enough that you’re looking forward to what you once would have considered a sparse meal. “At least we won’t be hotboxing the car tonight,” you observe with a laugh.

“Thank god.” Joel rolls his eyes. “Ellie is the worst, I swear to Christ, that kid could lay out an elephant.”

“Whoever said teenage girls were delicate must never have spent any time around actual teenage girls.” The two of you start walking again, lulling the baby into contentment in Joel’s arms as you go. “So…we should be out of Illinois tomorrow morning. We’re making good time.”

“Maybe we can stay another day?” Joel poses, looking over at you to see what you think. “It was late when we got here. Tomorrow we can reassess and see what all we can squeeze into the car.” It’s also another day with solid four walls around you and the girls, and enough food to fill your bellies to bursting. “Wash clothes, rest.”

“Sounds positively domestic.” And like a dearly needed rest, so you nod. “Another day here will give us good rest and then we can make a push on the road the day after. Getting to Jackson will just seem like a family road trip.”

He has his doubts that it will be that easy, but he nods. “Maybe we’ll actually all get a good night's sleep.”

“We’ll sleep and snack on popcorn and pack up the car. Ellie can tell us terrible jokes and the baby can stretch her legs with plenty of space to crawl. It…actually it sounds like exactly what we need.” And if you maybe take some time tomorrow to sneak away to read, that will be entirely while Caroline is napping. Joel still doesn’t know that you stole the copy of Lady Chatterly’s Lover that directly led to your affair, but it’s in the bottom of your backpack and reading it is now a lot more sentimental than arousing.

“I’ll get those mattresses set up when we get back.” He had brought the sleeping bags in and wishes that there was a playpen in the store for Caroline. “What do you think about us sharing?” He ventures. “Putting the baby between us rather than in the basket.”

“You asking to sleep with me, Joel Miller?” It’s playful. Teasing. Because there’s honestly nothing more that you want in the world – that is attainable at least – than to sleep next to this man again.

“This time is slightly different than the last time.” He retorts, just as playfully. “But yes. Always yes.”

“The answer is also always yes.” You admit quietly, looking down at your hands so he doesn’t see anything too deep or hopeful in your eyes.

The silence between you draws out, purposeful and full of silent, unspoken words. Words that Joel isn’t the best at. “Don’t know how you could be even more beautiful today than in my memory.” Joel speaks after a moment. “But you are.”

Fully stopped on one end of the store, you soften completely under that kind of praise and swallow down the words you want to say immediately. Joel isn’t the kind of guy you just dump that on, no matter what the circumstance. “Probably has more to do with the whole giving birth to your child thing.” You joke weakly, though your heart has started beating double time.

“Not really.” Joel shrugs, wondering if you weren’t happy with the compliment. He knows he’s bad with women. He only had to look at his relationship with Sarah’s mom and Tess.

“No?” That could be taken a lot of different ways, but you’re trying not to get your hopes up. Or to take it badly, since he had just called you beautiful.

“Nahhh.” He looks down at the life that you created together and smiles. “She looks just like you.” He compliments. “Thank god. Because you are– I’m surprised you didn’t have men sniffing around you, wantin’ to get close to you.”

“I had been living with all women,” you remind him, flustering under his gaze. “It just so happened that the first guy I stumbled across in the wilds happened to be the sexiest guy I’ve ever met in my life.”

“Yeah but even pregnant, I’m sure you had men wanting to be the one to help you.” He knows he would have been fiercely protective over you if he had been around.

He isn’t wrong, necessarily. Your pregnancy had attracted plenty of men who wanted to feel important or masculine. Or who thought you might be just that easy. Of course, it had also pushed away just as many potential partners. But it didn’t matter. You hadn’t been looking for one in the first place. “They weren’t you,” you murmur, barely able to look him in the face.

“I’m not–” Joel shakes his head and hates telling you this. But he’s never shied away from what he is. “I’m not a good man, honey.” He admits quietly, looking down at the innocent face of his daughter. “Things I’ve done…you’d hate me for.”

"You've survived." No one in this world is actually good anymore. It's not how things operate anymore. Goodness gets you infected or killed or taken advantage of. The fact that you had trusted Joel a year and a half ago had gotten you knocked up – and to some people that might have been horrible, or they might have thought he did it on purpose, as insane an accusation as that would be considering he did actually pull out. But goodness like it used to be? It can get you killed. "I don't expect anything from you, you know that." You shake your head sadly. "But I know you wouldn't hurt me, and you wouldn't hurt Caroline. Hell, look what you're doing for Ellie. I just—" It's so much to wrap your head around, and you shove your free hand in your pocket, letting the other shift on the flashlight nervously. "I can't help the way I feel, Joel."

“I don’t want to disappoint you.” He admits, to you and to himself. He had disappointed Tess, not even able to say anything at the end. Too closed off, too far into his own misery to admit that he had loved her. He had, in his way. But it was different from the way he loves you, loves Caroline. Even Ellie, although he hadn’t quite admitted that to himself.

“You can’t disappoint me if I have no expectations.” The reminder isn’t meant to be cruel, just realistic. You’ve never asked him for anything, he’s always been willing to give himself to you in whatever way he’s been capable of. Whatever that means to him that he isn’t able to voice, you’ll take it. “One day I might ask you for something, but not yet.” He’s promised to protect you and your daughter. To take care of you and to bring you safely to where you think your family is in Jackson. He promised those things without being asked and you accepted. Which is a very different arrangement. “What I’m never going to do is ask you to feel the same way about me that I do about you. That’s…that’s just unfair. And I don’t want to be unfair to you.”

“Maybe you should.” Joel frowns, looking off into the darkness of the aisle and sighs. “It’s – maybe you should ask me to feel how you feel.”

“No.” He’s still holding Caroline, the little angel having completely drifted off in her daddy’s arms, and you swear you wish you could take her back just so you would have something to do with your hands other than fidget. “Because then I’ll spend the rest of my life – or however long we’re together – wondering if you told me you love me because you actually do or because I asked you to. And that isn’t fair to either of us.”

He closes his eyes, having some idea that you might say that word. He wishes he could open his mouth and say that he does. He would kill for you, he would die for you. He will break his back to make sure you are happy and healthy and he wants to see you smile. To light up when you have a moment where the weariness of the world doesn’t weigh you down. “Okay.” He opens his eyes again and stops you, wanting to look into your eyes. “Then don’t ask me.” He murmurs softly. “Just remember that I’m a hands on kind of guy.”

“And I’m a words type of girl.” It weighs on you more than you expected, to know that your ways of communicating are so different, but it isn’t the end of the world. You never expected to have him in your life at all and now he’s here, so that is still more than you thought you would get from the man who gave you your miracle. “So…now I’ve said it. And I’ll probably say it again. But you never have to. That’s just…it’s better that way.”

Joel reaches out with the hand that isn’t holding Caroline to caress your cheek. Watching as your eyes flutter and he wonders where the man who had seduced you had gone. Not sure what had come over him that one night and wishing he could bring that man back. To give you what you so obviously want right now. Instead he leans in, hunching over so he doesn’t smoosh the baby between you and kisses your forehead.

“Dinner is probably ready.” It isn’t. You know it isn’t and he knows it isn’t, but if you keep standing here you’ll either outright kiss him or maybe cry, and both would be a mistake. This thing with Joel, whatever it is, it’s too big to fuck up by being impulsive. It’s your little girl’s family. It’s her whole future. And all you can hope is that it keeps building, which is why you refuse to chase him away by moving too fast. Fucking laughable considering how you got started, but here you are.

“Gotta make sure she doesn’t burn it.” Joel takes the hint and he turns to start walking back towards the front. “Get little miss sleepy back in her basket for now. Until we are ready for bed.”

“Right. Bed.” It had slipped your mind already that he asked to share a mattress with you, and now you feel even more foolish.

He wonders if you are regretting offering to share the mattress with him. Quietly and slightly bouncing a sleeping Caroline, he is slightly relieved to see that Ellie hadn’t set the area on fire as she comes back into view.

“How’s everything going over here?” Shifting focus entirely, you immediately move to where the baby basket is sitting to uncrumple the blankets so you can tuck Caroline into it.

“It’s, uh, it’s going good.” Ellie assures you, stirring the pot furiously and barely looking up.

“El,” you catch the girl’s attention with a hand on her shoulder and an amused smile. “Let me take over, honey. Maybe you can help Joel bring some mattresses over? We’re thinking of staying here an extra day to rest so comfortable places to sleep are going to be good.”

“We get to stay an extra day?” Ellie’s brows shoot up and she grins. “Cool. I’m going to sleep like a baby.”

“You’re going to cry in the middle of the night to demand cuddles?” You tease, knowing full well that that phrase is not a realistic one.

Ellie shakes her head. “Ewww no.” She huffs. “Joel will grumble and tell me to go back to sleep.”

He huffs like she isn’t completely correct but you just smother a laugh. “By the time you grab those mattresses, this might be ready to go. I’ll stay here and be Mama Bear.”

“Come on brat.” He rolls his eyes but he’s glad to have a moment alone with her. Wanting to check in and make sure she’s okay. It’s been a change to have you and Caroline along and he’s been mindful of that.

“Mattress!” Ellie groans out the word like it’s a victory, which it really is. Sleeping in the car isn’t as hard on her as it is for you or Joel but it’s still not great most of the time.

“We’ll getcha a good one.” Joel grunts as the two of them walk. “You find everything you need here?” He asks, wanting to make sure he shouldn’t hunt for anything in particular.

“Bathroom had the good stuff.” Ellie pronounces proudly, considering it her own personal stash. There’s plenty to share with you, but you don’t need them as often as she does and Joel definitely doesn’t want to hear about that. “And Mom’s gonna make popcorn while we’re here. Big day for Ellie.”

“Mom, huh?” Joel chuckles, actually enjoying the fact that Ellie has a maternal figure. Her language has softened slightly around Caroline. “Too bad we don’t have any butter. Used to coat popcorn in that shit. The more the better.”

“She said it was okay because there was salt in the stash.” Without ever actually having butter, Ellie has no reference for what she’s missing out on and just shrugs. “Whatever. Food is food. Even better if it’s good food.”

“Best popcorn was from the movie theaters.” Joel hums. “Too much popcorn, a huge Coke, a pretty girl. Perfect date.” He side eyes the girl to get her reaction.

Biting her lip, Ellie tries to banish the thoughts of Riley that immediately bubble to the surface and shrugs again, this time to shake off the shadows. So naturally, she puts the focus on embarrassing Joel. “You got two out of the three. Should I disappear for a while so you can make Caroline a big sister?”

“No.” Joel huffs, flushing in the darkness since he’s being called out. “Just goes to show you no matter how careful you are, sex isn’t fool proof.”

“It is if there’s no dicks involved,” she grumbles under her breath, nearly leaping forward to grab at the large mattresses leaning against the wall. They’re far bigger than anything she ever slept on and thicker too, convincing her again what an amazing night’s sleep she’s going to have.

“Two should do it.” Joel grabs the large mattress and grunts at the weight. He’s getting older and shit like this reminds him of that. “Feel good on my fucking back.”

“She doesn’t get to be comfortable?” The eyebrow Ellie raises at him is completely judgmental. “We need three.”

“We’re gonna put the baby between us.” Joel grunts at her, shaking his head. “That way she doesn’t roll off.”

“Oh.” Shouldering the weight of her own large mattress, Ellie side eyes Joel for a second before frowning. “So you guys are okay? It seemed pretty fuckin tense when you came back.”

“It’s alright.” Before Lake City, he would have just ignored her. Just sparing her an annoyed glance that would speak volumes. “Just– adult stuff.”

“Eww.” She has no desire to hear about their sex life. None at all. “‘Nuff said.”

“Not that.” He grunts, uncomfortable about the fact that Ellie assumes he’s sleeping with you. “That hasn’t happened.”

"You don't like her anymore?" Unendingly curious, Ellie finds the questions popping out before she can filter it. It's obvious how you feel about him, even if she doesn't quite get it, you're not very good at masking it.

Joel stops suddenly, making Ellie run forward into the mattress. “What?” He frowns. “No– I– it’s not–” he shakes his head, unable to really discern what to say so he just doesn’t and starts walking again.

"Alright, I didn't mean to make you short circuit, damn." She shakes her head in an unconscious echo of him. "It's your business, I guess. But I am here for everything."

“What would you know about it?” He hisses, annoyed that he doesn’t have a better answer.

"I'm not blind or a moron, Joel," Ellie hits back, never liking when he gets combative with her for just trying to talk. "I know she's completely fucking in love with you for some dumb ass reason."

“Yeah, well, she shouldn’t be.” He tosses back, striking on the issue that bothers him so badly. You had one night with him. One night where he wasn’t really acting like himself, rather he was more like pre-outbreak Joel. Like you were a woman in a bar that he had decided he wanted to try his luck with. Not the miserable piece of shit he is right now.

"I don't think you get to decide that for her, jackass." She huffs, annoyed on your behalf. She sure as fuck hadn't been able to choose who she fell for. It's not like being gay is easy, even if the world has supposedly changed. She's still a target just like every pre-Outbreak story of gay kids she's ever heard or read.

“I’ll – fuck, I’ll disappoint her.” Joel stops again, aware that he doesn’t want this conversation to happen where you could hear. “Or ruin her, fail her.” He’s failed everybody else, including Ellie. If he hadn’t failed her, he would have already had her to the Fireflies.

"Pretty sure the world is already ruined, and doing nothing is worse than trying even if you don't get the ultimate victory or whatever." She knows this is a serious discussion, but she's fucking fourteen years old. Her worldly experience isn't exactly at pace with his. And while most of the time she's glad about that, it does make it hard to be helpful sometimes. Like right now. Ellie shrugs again, shifting the mattress at her back and lowering her voice a little. "If you really thought you couldn't help, or didn't want to help, or take care of her and the baby, you wouldn't have said they should come with us." Ellie reasons. "Something in that thick fucking skull thought you could take better care of her on the road than she could take care of herself in that commune. And that's saying something, considering how nice that place was."

Joel sighs, knowing what she’s saying is right. He had wanted you to come, needed to be able to see you and the baby. To make sure that nothing happened to you. Instead of admitting that to her, he rolls his eyes. “Get moving. We don’t have all night.”

******

When you lay down that night with the flat pillows and patchwork blankets from your house in Lake City, all your focus is on keeping the baby comfortable. It doesn't matter that she’s been out like a light for hours now, it only matters that you don’t let yourself have illusions about sharing space with Joel.

Joel lays down, shucking his jacket and his boots. The store is locked up and the fire is still crackling between the two mattresses. Ellie is already snoring away and he can’t help but watch you as you fuss over the baby. Reaching over the small space, he sets his hand on your hip. “Are you comfortable, honey?” He asks quietly, wondering if there is something else you need.

“Yeah.” Your eyes snap up to his when he touches you, not expecting it at all. “Yeah…I…I’m just…” You’re aching for him, stupidly. For a kiss to anywhere other than your forehead or hand. To be wanted the way you want him. It’s something you’re going to have to continue to tamp down daily. “It’s nice to not be out in the open,” is what you decide to say.

“It is.” Joel can admit that. “I never sleep out there. Not well.” He’s too busy watching you and the girls sleep. Listening for any sounds of infected or worse, humans approaching. “Surprised you aren’t already asleep. She’ll be awake in a few hours, wanting some milk.”

“It’s been a while since we slept in a bed,” you reason, knowing that the real reason you’re fussing is that you’re trying to wait him out. If he passes out first, you can get yourself off quickly in the dark and get rid of this insistent ache between your legs. “I just want her to be comfortable.”

“She’s fine.” Joel frowns and looks between the baby and you. “Would you rather I not sleep here?”

“No,” you shake your head and wonder if you’re going to have to tell him the truth. “That’s not it. I promise. I’m just fidgeting.”

“Then why don’t we put her in the basket?” He might not know why you are fidgeting but he doesn’t want you to not rest. Maybe you’re worried about her moving or getting away or hurt sleeping between the two of you. “I’ve got it right next to me.” Without waiting for you to answer, he sits up and gently picks up his sleeping daughter to transfer her to the basket.

“O—okay.” Worse. This is definitely worse. You swallow thickly and watch him situate Caroline in her basket right above your heads where you can both reach. Now, with nothing between you, he feels unbearably close.

He hums softly as he lays back down, letting the silence fall between you again. It doesn’t seem like you’re too happy but he’s not good at guessing.

“I’m sorry.” You murmur after the silence has stretched too long. The sound of him breathing is like an unintentional taunt, reminding you that he’s close but so very far away. It’ll drive you crazy if you let it. “I shouldn’t have said anything. Earlier, I mean.”

“Why?” He edges closer to you, turning his head to watch you squeeze your eyes closed. “You shouldn’t be sorry. You – you just need to know that I am – that it’s–”

“I shouldn’t have brought it up because I need words and you don’t. And it’s okay that you don’t. But it’s unfair to ask you to use them when they clearly make you uncomfortable.” Whispers in the night won’t wake either of the girls, but your heartbeat feels like it is racing and screaming. “I wouldn’t have even known you were coming on to me that night unless you had been so blunt. And that’s okay.” You know not everyone communicates the same way. He had straight out told you that he communicates with actions, and that’s just who he is. For him, you’ll work hard to make the adjustment. “I’m not upset with you or anything. I promise. I just…am gonna need some time to learn how you communicate. That’s all.”

“No.” Joel closes his eyes and reaches for your hand. “You deserve the words.” His fingers lace through yours and he squeezes gently. “I– Sarah’s mother hurt me. Real bad.” He tells you quietly. “She up and left us when – hell, Sarah was about four months old. Said she didn’t love me, never wanted to be a mom and vanished.”

“That’s…a hell of a time to make that realization.” Your other hand covers his gently, sealing in the warmth and sealing in the signal that you’re listening. “I’m sorry, honey. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Didn’t matter.” He huffs. “I couldn’t wallow in my misery, I had my little girl to raise. So I did.” He sighs softly. “Never really dated much. Didn’t want to bring some woman around that could leave her again.”

“You were protecting her.” From what little he’s said about Sarah since you first learned his oldest daughter’s name, she was his entire world. She was everything that mattered on earth, and just like your sister had been taken from you – the panic of the Outbreak had quickly decided that she didn’t matter. “There’s nothing wrong with that. You took care of her and loved her enough to be her whole family and…and that’s wonderful.”

“After– when she was gone–” the words make him close his eyes, squeezing them shut from the painful ache in his chest. Twenty years gone and he still missed her like it was yesterday. “I fell into a dark place. Real dark.”

“I can only imagine.” He had had Sarah for thirteen years. Even after only seven months with Caroline, losing her would destroy you.

“I– there was someone else.” He confesses softly. “Tess. She– we were…comfortable together. She didn’t push and I didn’t give. She lost her entire family, son and husband in the weeks after the outbreak.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a comfort to each other.” Two of the women you lived with in Maine had found comfort together – if not joy – after losing damn near everything. You know how lucky you were to have friends to hold onto. “I’m glad you had someone for that. Even if it didn’t last too long.”

Joel squeezes your hand and pulls you closer. You might be upset at him when he tells you the truth of it. “We were never…committed.” He admits, knowing Tess had her lovers even though he had only ever slept with you. “But I don’t – she died thinking I didn’t love her. I don’t ever want you to believe in your last moments that I don’t love you.”

“Oh.” He wraps one arm around your waist to pull you closer and you respond automatically, always wanting the closeness of having him near without hesitation. “Joel, I—” Everyone has lost someone. Most people lost everyone. But for him to continue to lose people must be terrifying. Rather than having everyone he loves lost in one fell swoop, he keeps having people turn away one by one. That kind of heartbreak isn’t easy to mend. “I’m so sorry, honey.” Nothing you can say to bring back the people he’s lost, but you can damn well acknowledge his pain. “My last moments are a long way away, if I can help it. I have a little girl to watch grow up,” you flash him a smile in the dim firelight. “And a grumpy Texan that I want to get to know a lot better.”

“Honey…Tess died a month ago.” He murmurs softly. “I – when you and I met, she was – she needed some time away from me. It’s why I was on that run by myself. She was with…an old friend.” He swallows and sighs. “I felt guilty when I got back. Not because I had done anything wrong. I hadn’t. But because I couldn’t stop thinkin’ about you. About that night.”

“I guess…” That takes a little extra time to process. He had been on and off with someone and just happened to be at an off point with them at the time that you met. It should make you feel awkward, or upset, or maybe like he lied to you. But what you had had was just an old-fashioned one night stand. It was nothing that turned out to mean something. You hadn’t expected it, clearly. Neither of you had. “I’m glad I didn’t go up to Boston, then. I thought about it a lot…about coming to find you. But…” With a minute shrug of your shoulders, you squeeze his fingers in yours gently. “But that would have made things hard for you. So I’m glad I didn’t.”

“It would have been alright.” Joel knows Tess would have given him shit, but he’s glad you didn’t risk it. He wouldn’t want you or Caroline in that shithole. “Honey. I want you to know that I do care about you. I didn’t stop thinkin’ about you. Wonderin’ if you had made it out west. Where you were, if you had reread that book for the thousandth time and if it reminded you of that night.”

“I—” A sheepish half-smile cracks your face and you reach into your backpack beside Caroline’s basket and come out again with the well-worn volume. “How did you know I’d taken it?”

“I doubled back to grab it and couldn’t find it.” Joel admits with a low chuckle. “Seems like we had the same idea.”

“It’s actually a good book.” Which seems downright beside the point, when the reason that you have it is that it reminds you of him, and you end up flustering a little. “Might have half of it memorized by now. I…I used to read it whenever I caught myself missing you.” Which was virtually every damn day, so you’ve read it a lot.

“You’ll have to read it to me, sometime.” Joel hums, sensing you are a little embarrassed but he doesn’t mind that you kept it.

“Only if we have a babysitter and Ellie’s otherwise occupied,” you snort, grateful for the darkness so that he can’t see your embarrassed face. “In a world without porn, this is pretty sexy stuff.”

“Better than the memory of our own porn?” He asks quietly, remembering every moan you made and how good it felt to be with you.

“Oh god no.” Again you have to stifle yourself, but this time it’s a groan. “We definitely outdid ourselves that night.”

He chuckles. “At least our baby girl will know the exact night she was conceived. And it was a good one.”

“Somehow I don’t think I’ll be telling her exactly how mommy and daddy met as a bedtime story,” you laugh in turn.

“Maybe changed a bit for tender ears.” He concedes with a grin.

“Just a bit.” Like this, curled up in his arms and laid out on a mattress on the floor, the whole feeling of the night is oddly nostalgic.

The silence isn’t heavy, but it is almost anticipatory. Waiting to see who speaks first. “What was the pre-outbreak food you craved while you were pregnant?” He asks softly, smiling at the idea of it.

"Pepperoni." You giggle quietly, bowing your head close to his chest to stifle the sound and not disturb either of the girls. "I used to dream about pepperoni. On literally anything, not just pizza. And Reese's cups."

“Pepperoni.” Joel groans quietly and nearly drools. “Do you know how many ham, bologna and pepperoni sandwiches I lived off of on job sites?”

"We used to get omelets for brunch at the house...during college." It hadn't exactly been a tradition that you could keep up with after the outbreak. "Every single Sunday I'd make normal ham and cheese or veggie omelets for everybody else...and then make myself a pizza one. Mozzarella, pepperoni, and basil in an omelet. Fucking heaven."

“That sounds great.” Joel chuckles and bites his lip. “Sarah made me breakfast the last morning. Eggs and bacon. We didn’t have pancake mix. Thank god.”

“Last I heard from my cousins, they had said…they had figured out what happened to everybody.” A soft sigh against his shirt is muffled, but that’s for the best. “My parents had gone out to dinner with my aunt and uncle that night. Something about having an adult night out.” Your eyes drift up, meeting Joel’s with sadness lacing your expression. “My aunt wanted to try a new bakery. They all…we lost them all pretty quickly, apparently.”

“I’m sorry, honey.” His hand rubs your back soothingly. Everyone still here had lost someone but that didn’t make the loss any less painful. “I really am. Hopefully we can get you back to your people so you can be with what’s left of your family.” He thinks about Tommy, about his own quest to get to him.

"If we're lucky, we'll find my cousins and your brother in the same place." The best you can do is shrug about it, knowing that luck is not something that the world has a lot of anymore.

“Maybe.” There are far more odd things to have happen, like finding the woman he had a one night stand with and learning he became a father again at fifty-six fucking years old. “We can hope.”

"I have all the hope I need right in that basket." You look up at the basket above your heads and sigh. "She's proof that good things are still possible."

Yes she is. Joel smiles softly, looking at you as you look up at the baby. “She might be the best thing that’s happened to me in a long time.” He murmurs softly. “Didn’t realize how much I missed it.”

"You're good with her." It's a particularly solid nudge at your competency kink, if you're honest with yourself. "Born to be a girl dad, I guess."

“I was a single dad at twenty-three.” He reminds you. “Had to be good at it. Depended on me for everything.” Just like Caroline does you and he’ll be damned if she goes without.

"You've come back to it just like riding a bike, then." You won't press the point that he also treats Ellie like a daughter, but it's obvious to everyone who isn't them.

“Some things you never forget how to do.” He’s a bit smug about that, the fact that he had impregnated you the only time you were together hitting the pleasure zone of his dormant caveman genes.

"Yeah, yeah." The smirk on his face makes it abundantly obvious what he's referring to and you stifle a laugh. "You remember that like riding a bike, too."

“Hard not to remember when you were so responsive and beautiful for me.” He tells you honestly. It had been a night to remember.

Huffing, softly, you aim his smirk right back at him. "I had finally calmed myself down and now you're gonna get me worked up again."

Joel frowns for a moment and then works his face into a very smug smirk. “That’s why you were movin’ around, huh?” He asks teasingly. “You were horny?”

Rolling your eyes is the best you can do for a defense since you just admitted, but the atmosphere between you is a lot lighter now. "I was trying to wait until you fell asleep to take care of it."

“You don’t have to wait on me, honey.” He promises, sliding his hand down slightly and then under your shirt lightly to caress your back. “That’s something I’d be mighty interested in.”

"Oh yeah?" Earlier might not have been so playful, you can't be sure. Either way, the feeling of his large hand on your bare back makes you tingle in that very specific way.

“Don’t think you know how gorgeous I think you are.” He grunts softly. His fingers dig in slightly, massaging your skin.

“Doesn’t come up in conversation a whole lot,” you tease, knowing that things don’t get said for lack of privacy but also for Joel’s tendency to show and not tell.

“You are gorgeous.” He insists. “You with Caroline…it takes my breath away. It’s– it’s amazing.” He could watch you with her all the time. “But you are just beautiful by yourself too.”

It’s precarious, the way he’s crept closer to you and you’ve inched deeper into his arms. He’s the closest he’s been days and you can feel his breath on your neck like a wave of much-needed heat. It would be so easy to kiss him right now. “Joel…”

“Yes, honey?” He keeps his voice low, but he’s wanting to know what you want. What you need.

Without the privacy for acting on all the thoughts that have taken over your mind, you swallow thickly when you finally make yourself find his eyes. “Can I kiss you?”

His hand slides farther up your back over your shoulder to urge you up. “Of course, honey,” he murmurs softly. “I wouldn’t turn you down.”

The thread of restraint snaps almost instantly, letting you push forward and close the last inch or so between you to press your lips to his. As needy as you might feel, it’s fairly contained – chaste and earnest and full of love, instead of the desperate clash of two bodies that it had been when you kissed him first a year and a half ago. The feeling of the kiss is freeing, wonderfully plush and warm against his lips. Making him instinctively curl around you more and drag you closer so he can feel you.

Slow exploration and learning each other bit by bit is a far cry from how it had happened the last time, but your relationship – if you could call it that – is very different now. In that random abandoned home in Massachusetts, you were each other’s own means to an end. Now there is an intimacy that shakes you to your core.

It can’t go beyond kissing and maybe a little groping. There’s the baby right above your head as living proof of how he still has bullets in the chamber. And he can’t risk that. Beyond the lack of privacy, he can’t risk you getting pregnant out here, he won’t risk it.

The build is delicious, moving through those first tentative presses to something deeper. You have to have some self-control, obviously, but right now all you can think about is how much you've missed him. How much you've missed this connection that you had even without ever meaning to forge it. It was just something that you discovered together, and it's that much more precious for being so natural.

His tongue slowly maps your mouth, swallowing your sounds as he does. Keeping you anchored to him, although he doesn’t think that you would go anywhere. Encouraging you to throw your leg over his waist and straddle him.

It’s his hand on your leg that brings you back to reality, the encouragement to come closer and to feel him underneath you being too tempting to give in to. “That’s gonna get us in trouble again,” you hum against his lips, grinning into the thick tension that almost swept you away.

“Nahhhhh.” He hums, smirking. “Just gonna make sure you don’t have to get yourself off when I go to sleep.”

“That’s very indulgent of you.” Though you’re not sure if it surprises you or not. Joel may be a bit closed off but he was never a selfish lover.

“How do you want to cum?” He asks you quietly, sliding his hand down to squeeze your still jeans covered ass. “You want to grind against me until you cum? Or do you want me to finger you?”

Given that you would happily commit several crimes to feel his hands on you again, the answer is easy, and you shiver a little at even being given the option. “Your fingers,” you whisper, like saying it louder would break the spell. “Please?”

He had washed up after the dinner, needing to keep his hands clean for handling Caroline. So he’s not worried about being dirty. He rolls you over and smirks. “Slide your jeans down, honey.”

Happy to obey instantly, you pop the buttons on your fly and shift to pull the fabric over your hips. This is a very intimate thing to do in close quarters, but also a compromise. What you want to be doing is far more intimate, and you just don’t have the privacy or safety for that.

Joel throws a leg over yours, pulling your thighs apart and hums when you keep your panties on. There are covers but he knows you want to make sure that Ellie doesn’t wake up and see anything. He slides his hands down to cup you over the material. “You want my fingers?” He teases, pressing lightly.

You'll beg if he wants you to, considering when you try to roll your hips back to tease him his leg holds you steady in place with much more strength than you thought just one leg could possess. "Yes," you end up breathing in surprise.

“Good girl.” He wants to make sure this is good for you, it’s the very least he can do. “I’m going to make you feel good but you need to be quiet.”

With him dominating every atom of air around you it's all you can do not to break and beg for more, but you nod obediently, enjoying the momentary praise of being called good more than you expected. If it gets him to slip those thick fingers into your panties, you'll be as good as gold.

Joel nudges his nose against your cheek, humming softly when you lay pliant for him. Sliding his hand back up so he can dip his fingers underneath the well worn waistband of the panties. “Do you know how often I’ve thought of this cunt?” He growls quietly, his fingers parting the thatch of curls to find the warm, wet folds of your sex.

"Maybe half as often as I've thought of what you did to it?" If he's going to tease you through this, you're going to at least be honest. And try desperately not to let your voice give away what he's doing to you.

“I know I got blamed when you were pushin’ her out.” He chuckles quietly and kisses along your jaw. Fingers finding your clit and pressing.

You swallow a gasp when the pads of his fingers connect with all of those brilliant little nerve endings in your swollen nub. Of course he's right – Caroline's birth was far from a walk in the park. But that isn't what you want to be focusing on when his fingers are a fraction of an inch from slipping inside you. "The getting her was fun, though."

“Yes it was.” He lets his teeth scrape over your skin, enjoying the way you shudder and would push your hips up if he didn’t have your leg pinned. “If I didn’t think it could happen again, I would say we need to repeat it.”

"We do need to." And the pout on your lips is extremely apparent in your voice over the fact that it can't happen right now. "I swear I've never been more desperate for a condom in my life."

Joel chuckles and kisses away the pout on your lips as his fingers slide deep into your walls with surprising ease.

"Shiiii—" Barely able to cut yourself off, you swallow the rest of the curse and let your head fall back on the pillow in utter delight. It's every bit as amazing as you remember it and all he's done is slip two fingers into your pussy.

“Fuck, you’re so hot and tight.” Joel groans into your ear, keeping his voice low so only you can hear it. “Nearly blew my load when I first slipped inside you. Hadta calm myself down.” He enjoys the slickness of your walls as he pumps them once, twice and then curls them up slightly to search for that little spot that makes you clench.

You whimper as your hips roll forward, one hand grasping for the blankets piled up at your side. His voice low in your ear is so much more of a turn on than you expected. Joel knows he can’t spend all night working you up and tearing you apart but he can make sure that you shake in pleasure so you are drowsy with it when he gets done with you. “You feel so good around my fingers, even better around my cock.” He rasps softly. “If I had been here, after findin’ out you were pregnant, you’d been filled with my cum everyday.”

"Joel!" Even whispered it's easy to tell that that idea is a desperately missed opportunity, as your tight walls clamp down on his fingers.

“Yeah, I would have kept you full.” He pumps his fingers in deep, slow curls. “Any time you wanted to drip into your panties.”

"I was so needy during my second trimester." Different than how you need him now, It was like a never-ending itch that no amount of self-satisfaction could ever scratch.

“Fuck, honey.” He groans, his cock twitching behind his jeans. “If I’d have been there you would have been wrung out. Tired from my tongue, fingers and cock.”

It's on the tip of your tongue to insist that if you did it once you could do it again, but this isn't a world that that joke is okay in. "I would have let you," you gasp instead, twisting to kiss him. While his fingers are buried in your cunt, his tongue delves deep into your mouth. Licking and curling around your own tongue to suck on it lightly.

Joel's hand picks up speed, the dexterous movement of his fingers inside you hitting each perfect spot like it isn't only the second time he's been knuckle deep in your pussy. Kissing him muffles a few noises that would otherwise definitely be too loud, and it's a good thing that this mattress is lying on the floor otherwise the creak of bedsprings would have been loud as well.

He can feel your thigh start to tremble under his and he knows you are going to cum soon. Pistoning his fingers in and out of your tight walls as if he were playing you like an instrument or tuning you like an engine.

The hand that had been clutching blankets snaps up, your fingers wrapping around Joel's forearm instead and hanging on for the last two – three – four strokes you need to hit your peak. Your whole body tightens, cunt drawing his fingers in as deep as they'll go and your own fingers clutching desperately to his arm as your mouth falls open on a silent cry. Everything about it is too much and exactly perfect, and the world blots out around you for just a few seconds while you float away on a cloud of pleasure.

He swallows your sounds. Every desperate, broken sob that you push out is absorbed by him. The rumble of satisfaction comes from deep within his chest as he feels the heat and liquid coat his fingers in a torrent from your contracting walls.

You might as well be a puddle when you finally fall back on the mattress half under him, smiling like the love drunk idiot you are and sighing softly into the night. "Well damn," you chuckle under your breath, kissing him again but much more softly.

He’s slow to pull his fingers out of your wet heat but he manages to pull them free eventually during the leisurely kiss. Pulling away and enjoying the completely blissful haze that is on your face. “Think you’ll sleep good now, honey?”

"Better than I have in about a year and a half," you joke quietly.

“Good.” Joel kisses you again softly and pulls back so he can roll onto his back and pull you into his arms. He’s throbbing but ignores it. This was about giving you what you need and not his own wants.

“Do you…?” Glancing down his body, you know there isn’t a chance in hell that he isn’t hard as a rock in his own jeans. Asking him to get you off and then ignoring his own needs would be selfish as all hell.

"I'm...okay." Joel groans softly, not wanting you to feel obligated. "It's a lot more mess with me than you." He reminds you, nudging his nose against yours and kissing you again.

There’s also no way to hide it, and two sets of eyes nearby. “How about we find some privacy tomorrow?” You suggest in his ear, knowing that another day in this place really will give you that chance.

"You don't have to, honey. I hope you know that." Joel is aware that you probably want to get him off, but he still feels like he should remind you.

“I know.” Which is why you’re not riddled with guilt right now, but rather have your mouth watering over the prospect. “I want to.”

Joel's eyes flutter slightly and he curses himself for not trying to find more water to wash up with so you could do what you wanted. "Okay."

“Get some sleep, honey.” The near-groan in his voice is obvious, and you bite back a devious grin. Your goal was to give him something to look forward to in a world with almost none of that – and you’re pretty sure you just succeeded.

There's a moment when he wants to argue, to tell you to do what you want but you are right. He needs to sleep. He will actually sleep rather than just pretend to sleep so he cant watch over you and the girls.

“I love you.” It may be a whisper in the dark, but that isn’t because it’s a secret. It’s because you’re safe. Because he keeps you protected – all of you – and in this world there’s no greater show of love. After all, he shows. He doesn’t tell.

______

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[mysticalrambling]

Coming Home (C.E)

Chris Evans Fanfiction (Fanfiction Masterlist)

Summary: dad!Chris Evans. Chris comes home to his twins fighting and he scolds them. But he also takes care of their wounds with you and then you all go out to eat ice cream and have a family day.

Warnings: None. Minimum angst but fluff all the way.

._._._._.

"Where are the kids?" Your husband came and sat right next to you on the couch. It was a shock to him when he didn't see his two little munchkins clinging to his legs the moment he entered the house. It has been kind of their routine from the moment they could walk on their little two legs.

“They are busy playing in their play room. Why are you not happy about it?” You knew that after a full day of shooting, coming home to two energetic kids was tiring and stressful. So you were shocked when he wasn’t glad to have a moment of peace by himself.

“Well, they are a part of my routine now. It feels weird not having them jumping around me.” The three year olds have always been more attached to Chris than you. Initially, you were a little jealous that the twins focused all their attention on your husband but now you were glad. Having a piece of quiet while he handled the children was pretty awesome.

You both had pretty successful careers and when the twins came into your lives, you both decided that you would handle it all together. In the start, each one of your married girlfriend told you that you had to quit your job as the marketing head because being a mom was a full time job. You were scared and when you shared your concerns with Chris, he consoled you and told you that you would both do it all. Having successful careers while being good parents.

“Just spend sometime with me while Emma and Jason are distracted.” Pouring him a glass of wine, you leaned in to him with your head on his shoulder.

“That is a good way to spend my evening. How was your day, sweetheart?”

“It was hell. My boss gave me a project to complete with a bizarre timeline and when I couldn’t complete it on time. He just took it all out on me in front of my colleague.” Today was humiliating for you and you couldn’t wait to get home, drink a nice glass of wine and relax. “Hated it, babe. How about you?

“Well, my co star couldn’t get her part right so we had to do the same scene five times. We are behind on shooting now and I have to get up early tomorrow morning so that we can catch up to the schedule.” Sighing, he took a long sip of the red liquid and felt his muscles relaxing.

There was a moment of silence that enveloped the room and you just basked in it. “A crappy day for us both.”

“Indeed. Let’s do something exciting then.” He kissed you and just when things were about to get heated, a piercing scream interrupted the moment.

“What-What is happening?” He was still in a haze and couldn’t properly interpret anything.

“It looks like your kids are fighting again.”

“Are you going to handle them?”

“Oh no!” Laughing at his incredulous request, you picked up your glass again. “You wanted to spend time with them so go on.”

Chris got up from the couch and went upstairs. Emma and Jason love each other to death but they have been fighting from the womb. Emma is the stubborn one and while, Jason backs out most of the time. Sometimes, he retaliates and it turns real bad, real fast. They were pretty hot headed, just like you.

“What is happening here?” The dad mode was fully in place when he saw his little girl sitting on the floor with hands pressed to a bloody forehead and his little boy trying to console her.

“She pushed me and then I pushed her. Not my fault. But she hurt, daddy.” The panic in Jason’s eyes was evident.

“(Y/N)! Come here, right now!” You scrambled to your feet as soon as Chris’s voice boomed across the living room. “You never hurt your sister, Jason. This is not alright.” The stern voice was new for Chris but the situation required it.

“But, daddy-”

“No excuses, Mister. Now, apologise to your sister and no toys for you for the whole week.” He got in to action with the first aid kit that he took out of their walk in closet. Emma was still crying her lungs out even when Chris tried to console her. She was not letting him touch the wound and was squirming uncontrollably in his lap.

“Daddy, why you always bla- blame me? Hate you.” Hiccuping, he stuttered on the big words and then stomped out of the room. You tried to stop your son but he just ran past you.

“What is- Oh my god!” The blood was now soaking up your little girl’s shirt and she still wouldn’t let Chris touch the wound.

The one thing that your kids inherited from your husband was the fear of blood and stitches. The small three year old knew that a boo boo that hurts really bad will lead to stitches. You knew how to handle all three of your babies in situation like these. Taking Emma from your husband, you hugged her lightly.

“Bubba, I need to look at your boo boo and then you can have the Elsa bandage.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.” When she removed her chubby, little hand, you were relieved that the cut was not big or deep. A bandage would just do the trick. You softly hummed a tune in her ears while you applied an antiseptic to the wound and then the band aid. She had tears streaming down her face and she was sniffling quietly. Chris took her from you when you were done and gently rocked her in his arms. He always loved it when both your children seeked comfort in you. It reminded him of how lucky he was to have you. “Where did Jason go?”

“I scolded his regarding this and he threw a tantrum.” When Emma heard Jason’s name, she further curled herself into his chest.

“Give her to me.” Raising her face by holding her chin, you sternly asked her. “Tell me what happened, young lady?”

With a guilty tone, she told you both that she was the one who pushed Jason first. They were both playing with the doll house that Chris bought Emma as her third birthday present. Jason wanted to add his toy cars to the doll house but she won’t allow it. She pushed him first and he hit his wrist on the small coffee table but then he pushed her back. When she fell back, she hit her head on the side of the wooden house.

“You are going to apologise to him, Emma. I told you that this much anger is not alright, bubba.” Chris took her to the twin’s room that had two different themes running through it. Emma was never a fan of the color pink so she went with purple and Jason really loved yellow, so he got that. The room looked like a clown’s den but Chris was never the one to deny his children’s requests. They had his whole heart well, except you.

“Jace, Emma would like to say something to you.” Setting her on her feet, she went towards his elder brother by barely three minutes.

“I am sorry, Jacey. Never should have pushed you. Kiss your boo boo to make up?” He nodded gently when his sister climbed in to the body. Extending the bruised wrist, Emma held it in her hands and lightly pecked on it. Meanwhile, you got a numbing cream for Jason and you stopped in the doorway with Chris and watched their interaction. They were your and Chris’s two little bundle of joys and you both couldn’t get enough.

“I am sorry that I yelled at you, baby. You two will not have your toys for a week. But who wants ice cream right now?” They both jumped at the mention of their favorite treat.

Chris had a way with the children. He completed all their wishes from eating ice cream as dinner or buying the most expensive toys for them. Making them happy was his primary job and he fulfilled it with great joy. However, he knew when to step up. He knew when to tell them no because he didn’t want his children to be some spoiled brats. He knew how to mediate and that was one of the many thing that you loved about him.

“I will get your jackets while daddy will help you with your shoes.” Going downstairs, you placed Dodger’s food in his bowl because you were going to be out for sometime. Chris always turns a simple outing to a full blown family day. A walk in the park, dinner at a high end restaurant and then shopping at the mall.

“Let’s go.” He buckled both the kids in their respective booster seats and made sure that they both had their preferred stuff toys. God knows, if they didn’t have them on their car ride.

The ice cream place on the fifth avenue was your favorite because it was where Chris took you on your first date. Both the children went for chocolate ice creams and Chris cleaned them up after they were done anything. It was so wholesome to watch him perform his dad duties.

“Then Oliver tried to eat dirt and the teacher gave him a time out.” You never understood why your son was friends with that boy because all he ever cared about was dirt.

“That’s why I hate boys. They are dirty.”

“That’s right, bubba. They are all dirty and disgusting. You stay away from all of them.” Gently nudging him with your shoulders, you playfully scoffed at him. He was sometimes very protective of his children.

“Ollie said girls also have icky germs.”

“Yes. You also stay away from them.” Chris was full on laughing at the situation right now because both the kids were in some serious thoughts.

“Okay dadda.” They both started skipping on the side walk and already started bickering about who was their dad’s favorite. He took you in his arms and kissed you on the forehead.

“Thank you for all this, babe. I love you.” He was truly thankful for you and for everything that you brought in his life.

“I love you too. Now let’s buckle them in before they start pushing each other again.”

Hope you guys enjoyed it!!

._._._._.

A/N: Dad Chris Evans is a dream so I wanted to write a little blurb related to this idea. Hope you guys enjoyed it. You guys can send in requests but I will get to them a little bit later because I am focusing on my drafts right now. Tell me if you guys want to be added to the tag list.

Taglist: @justile

Like, comment and reblog.

[weirdos-am-i-right]

Fuck Traveling// Pete Davidson x reader

Request from @annalayton19

Hi! I’m a new follower and I really like your stuff! Could I request a Pete Davidson x reader (angst to fluff) where Pete is on tour or filming away from home and the reader is left behind. After like 6 months of being apart Pete starts to get tired of the long distance and basically like done with it. And then he realizes his mistake and comes home to make it up to her! I’m sorry if that’s super long! Also if this imagine doesn’t interest you, then no sweat! Thank you so much in advance 💕

A/n: This took so much less time then I thought it would. Anyway, here you go, I really hope you like it!

Warning: angst, swearing, like one cigarettes

€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€€

Six months. Six months was an extremely long time to be away from someone you loved.

Y/n sat on the couch, a small pout on her lips. She looked at Pete—her boyfriend of a year—and frowned. “I wish I could go with you.” Pete frowns too, and sits down next to her.

“I know. I wish you were coming with me too. But hey, it’s only a couple of months, all right? I’ll be back before you know it.” He kissed her cheek.

“I just wish my contract would let me. You have no idea how annoying it is to not be able to do things because of freaking Marvel.” She groans, falling on her back with a slight ‘plop’.

“Well, because of freaking Marvel, you are one of the best actresses out there. And I know you’re going to kill it with filming. My tour isn’t even that cool. It’ll broke you to death.” He jokes, leaning back on the arm of the couch.

“Babe, you’re a comedian.”

“Oh right, I forgot.” He grabs her arm, and pulls her up into his chest. “I love you, okay?” He lifts her chin up, and kisses her. “So fucking much. We’ll face time everyday, I’ll call you every evening and wish you goodnight.”

“Okay.” She looked over a the clock, and sighed. “We have to go. Your flight is leaving soon.” He brushes hair behind her ear, bringing her eyes back to him.

“I love you. It’ll be over before you know it.”

“I love you, too.”

********

The car ride to the airport was long, and quiet. Pete was driving, he had one hand on the steering wheel, and one hand on Y/n’s leg, rubbing small circles into the center of her thigh.

She knew she was going to miss him so much, but she also knew she was going to be extremely busy with filming, so it wouldn’t be as bad.

Once they were at the gate, they tearfully hugged, and she kissed him. “All right, now get out of here. We’re not doing that rom-com turn back at the last second goodbye.” She laughed at him, tears steaming down her face a bit. He wiped one with his thumb, and kissed her again. “Love you. Now go, so I get to watch you walk away.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” She turns around, and starts walking back to her car. She knew he hated leaving her too, but he was a lot better at hiding emotions then she was, that was one of the only things she learned while dating him.

She got in her car, and put her head on her steering wheel.

She groans, and leans back. Starting her car, she pulled out of the airport, and drove home.

**********

The first few months were the worst. Y/n hated going to bed alone, the left side of the bed always cold.

She was filming almost every day, and seeing her co-workers and friends always cheered her up, after all she had been working with the same people for quite some time now, so she felt comfortable around them.

The fourth month was slowly becoming easier. She got use to coming home to no one there, and making dinner for herself. She still talked to Pete every day, texting him good morning, and Goodnight, and FaceTiming him a lot during the day.

Though she knew he loved her, she felt as though he was slightly pulling away. The FaceTime calls were short, and he never texted her back right away like he use to.

“And so, we we’re almost done with the shoot, so close I could practically taste the coffee in my trailer waiting for me, and then Kevin calls cut, and he makes us do the whole scene over again! I swear, I was about to strange that man. Ugh, I can’t wait til you come home. Only two more weeks, I can’t believe we made it.” Y/n rants, talking to Pete on the phone.

“Uh huh. Cool.” He wasn’t looking at her, instead his attention was somewhere else. Y/n frowns, tilting her head a bit.

“Pete…are, are you okay?” That seemed to catch his attention, and he finally looked at the screen.

“What? I’m fine.”

“Okay…you just seem so…different lately. I don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but you seem like you don’t have time for me anymore. Or if you do, you don’t like talking to me.” Pete scoffs.

“Of course I don’t have time for you right now. I’m in between shows, I’m driving to one as we speak. I mean, god forbid I get a minute to myself without my agents or you calling me.” Pete snapped.

“Wha-I’m just talking to you. If you didn’t want to, you could have said something.”

“That’s bullshit you would have thrown a fucking hissy fit or something.” He rolls his eyes.

“That’s not true. I understand when people are tired, believe me I would know.”

“Would you?”

“Yes!” She had tears stinging her eyes. “Of course I do, you’re forgetting what I do for a living. I work from 6 am to whenever we finish which most of the time is in the middle of the night. I have to re-do the same scene about ten times because RDJ won’t stop making jokes in the middle of the scene!”

“Oh, sorry, I forgot about your super-star actress life.”

“Why are you being so mean to me? I was only concerned about you.”

“Mean? What are you, five? I can’t-I can’t do this anymore.” She huffs, crossing her arms.

“What do you talking about? Are you breaking up with me?”

“Wh-”

“Because then fine. If you don’t want to be with me, I don’t have to take this shit. I’ll be with someone who, oh, I don’t know is actually here.”

“Oh that’s fucking rich, you know I can’t be there, don’t even do that.” She scoffs.

“I don’t care. You want to act like a petty bitch, I have no problem doing it right back.”

“No, I think you’re just a petty bitch.” She wipes her eye, and he laughs dryly. “Oh of course you’re crying.”

“Shut up. If you don’t want to be with me, fine. Go enjoy your show, Pete.” She hung up the phone, and turned off the ringer. She plugged it into her charger, and went into the bathroom, turning the shower on.

********

Pete rubbed his eyes, and took a drag of his cigarette. He knew he shouldn’t have snapped at her, it wasn’t her fault he was cranky, and needed to take it out on someone.

“I’m a dick.” He mumbles to himself, and bangs his steering wheel.

His phone rang again, and for a good second his heart leaping out of his chest, thinking it was his girlfriend, calling him back. He checked the phone, seeing it was Colson. He answered the call.

“What’s up, man?” Pete asks.

“The shows starting soon. You almost here?” Colson questioned. Pete looked at his google maps, seeing he was supposed to be there in ten minutes.

“I’m a good ten minutes away. I’ll be there.”

“You sound weird. What the fuck did you take without me?” Colson asks, trying to lighten the mood.

“Uh…Y/n and I just broke up. I think.” The line was silent for a few seconds.

“Why the fuck would you do that, you idiot? Are you kidding me?” Colson scoffs. “Man, what the fuck?”

“Shut up, man. I can’t stand talking on the phone with her. I’m busy, she’s busy, she plays a superhero for fuck’s sake. I didn’t even expect it to last this long to be honest.”

“Man, you fucking dumbass. That girl was probably the only good thing you had going for you. Get her the fuck back.I thought you loved her.”

“I did-I do. I do love her. I’m just so stressed right now, and excuse me for not wanting to hear about fucking Kevin Feige being a shitty director.”

“Hey, fuck-shit, you ever think that maybe this is more hard on her? Acting is fucking hard, you should know that, especially for a company like Marvel.

“Man, who’s side are you on?” Pete turns into the parking lot, and grabs his phone.

“You think I’m on your side here? You’re forgetting that we were friends before I met you. I can not believe you just fucked up the best thing in your life. Fix it, man. You’re going home in a week, fucking fix it.” And with that, Colson hung up, and put his phone away.

He kicked a rock across the pavement, and cursed under his breathe.

********

The worst thing about breaking up with someone you live with, who so happens to be long-distance is that their stuff fills the apartment with an existential amount of regret.

Y/n laid on her couch, flipping through the channels of the TV. She had called off work for the next few days, not feeling up to put on a performance for anyone. She knew she would get shit for it later, but she didn’t care.

Her head perked up when there was a knock on the door. She sighed, and got up, going over to the door. She really didn’t feel like company at the moment, and was sure she was going to send away whoever it was.

When she opened the door, her breathe caught in her throat. Pete stood in the doorway, looming over her. He looked like shit. She could tell he hadn’t slept, and probably didn’t eat anything, but she knew he didn’t look much better.

“Why-why didn’t you use your key?” Y/n asks, opening the door a bit for him.

“I uh, didn’t want to barge in on you. You also probably weren’t expecting me.”

“I wasn’t. I thought you didn’t get back until next week.” She says. It took every ounce of her not to jump into his arms, and kiss his face until she was sure she kissed every part of it.

“I took off early. Can we talk? Please. I was a dick. I was such a dick. I’m sorry, I know we grew apart in the last few months, and I promised we wouldn’t but we did, and I’m so sorry for that, baby.” He grabs her hand, and she slightly pulls it back, but let’s him grab it. “Please, forgive me. I love you, so much, okay? So fucking much, you’re the best thing that’s happened to me.”

She felt tears welling up in her eyes, and she looked away from him. “What you said really hurt.”

“I know. And I’ll spend every day trying to make it up to you.” She quickly wrapped her arms around him, pushing her face into his chest. He didn’t hesitate to hug her back, leaning down and kissing the top of her head. “I love you.”

“I love you, too. Fuck traveling.”

“Fuck traveling.”

.

[therealpussybangs]

When you find out the Haikyuu boys cheated.. Pt. 2

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Starring:    Timeskip!Aone, Goshiki, Kita, Lev                                                          

A/N- Tw: Cheating, crying, yelling, fighting, mentions of sexual-    intercourse, swearing, please let me know if i missed anything!!  

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Aone-

                Today was supposed to be your 4th year anniversary with your amazing boyfriend Aone. However, that date idea had quickly turned to shit when you see your boyfriend at a booth with some other chick.

You didn’t want to jump to conclusions, because you were exceptionally early to this date, so you walk over, hoping it was a sister or some other relative. 

But when you finally made it over to the table, your boyfriend looked like he had seen a ghost. Pale, scared, and he looked sick. The thing that hurt the most was the guilt swimming in his eyes. Eyes that were once only for you. Eyes that were always warm and welcoming, the eyes that felt like home. His once beautiful and bright eyes were now dulled, guilty and scared.

Aone felt like he couldn’t move. He was stuck in his chair when he saw you. 

‘Our date isn’t for another 20 minutes... how could this happen...?’ He thinks to himself. Then he remembers what you had said earlier about being early for the special today. He curses under his breath and opens his mouth to make excuses, but that’s when he hears a sniffle.

He reluctantly looks up to see you crying, and swiping at your eyes wildly. His heart shatters and sinks to the floor and he immediately knows he shouldn’t lie, it’ll only make it worse.

“Baby i’m so sorry....” He looks down, not ready to hear your reply.                     “Was i not good enough..? What should I have done differently..?” You say in a small, hurt voice.

“No! I-” He was cut off by the other girl sitting in front of him.

“Bubs who’s this ugly little girl? She a friend of yours? Or what..she kinda smells a little..” She says in a squeaky, bratty voice.

“Oh, haha; i’m actually his soon to be ex-girlfriend! So nice to meet you!! And so nice to leave you ‘bubs’!” You say with a fake smile, and filled with sarcasm. 

“Babe- do-” Aone started quietly, he always was so quiet and reserved. But he seemed so talkative with this new girl....

“By Aone! Bye bitch I don’t know!” You say oh so confidently, until you go to itch your eyes. ‘oh... tears..’ You began to cry harder as you realize you just left the one thing you loved most.

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Goshiki-

 You and Tsutomu had been pretty distant after a fight you two had, and you wanted to go over and apologize to him because you realized you were in the wrong. 

However, what you did not expect was to see another car parked outside of your shared home.

This fight you both had was because of some silly coworker jokingly hitting on you. You had known this person since you were little, so it was nothing new. They were also fully aware of the fact that you were in a committed relationship with Tsutomu. 

So, who could be at his house? Was he really hurt enough to call a friend or relative for help/advice? Now you felt really bad, so you quickly make your way up the steps to your shared home and push past the door. 

What you did not expect to hear, were muffled whimpers and Goshiki’s smooth, calming voice. ‘Wh-what?’ You think maybe it was something else, maybe it was Goshiki whimpering and sniffling and someone else sweet talking him. But once you walk into your bedroom....you shut down.

“B..baby,,?” You ask, voice small. You were shaking and trying your best to keep your cool and hold back the tears threatening to spill. “Whats going on..?”

Goshiki immediately whips his head around from where it was buried between someone elses thighs. But when he sees your hurt eyes and sad features guilt pools at the bottom of his stomach. He was with someone else, on your shared bed, in your shared home. This realization suddenly hit him like a brick, and he immediately shot straight up. “I-I can explain!!” 

“Explain what? The fact you were pleasuring some random whore on our bed?? What else is there to explain Tsut- Goshiki?” You yell back, the tears from before finally breaking the barrier and streaming down your face.

Goshiki just stood there, shaken up and regretful, not daring to say a word, knowing it will make things worse. But you persisted and asked him again why he did it and he started to get annoyed with your yelling. “I was angry with your stupid fucking co-worker for flirting with you and smacking your ass and always eating lunch with you!! I wanted you to know how it felt!!” He yelled back, without thinking. Bad idea.

You were speechless to say the least. He did not just compare cheating to harmless banter between friends...did he? He didn’t just call your absolute bestfriend stupid...did he?

“Get out. Both of you.” You say, your tone stone cold.

“What..” Your ex says, his voice small and shaky, almost as if it was any louder it would shatter you.

“GET OUT!! NOW!!” You say, now yelling as warm, fat tears stream down your face. You were furious, deflated, tired, and so, so done. You thought you were going to be sick. You had trusted him, and here he was, with a beautiful woman, probably 10x better than you. And to think you were going to apologize to him.

“Baby... we can fix this! right? Move forward!” He says, not so confident or angry this time.

“What, so you can go off with some other bitch as soon as the going gets tough again? No. We’re over. Goodbye Goshiki, please don’t try to contact me, i’ll have someone come get my stuff.”

And with that, you slammed the door and walked out of the place you one called home. 

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Kita-

Kita was a simple man. He wanted 2 things in life: A family with you, and his rice fields to do well.

However he did not take it very well when you said you were not ready for a family, and he stormed out on you. That night you cried yourself to sleep, thinking about how you could be better.

The past month and a half, you and Kita have been pretty distant, and you have been preparing yourself for a family in any way you can. For example: Finishing the last of your extra studies, learning how to make extra delicious meals, even though Kita wasn’t ever there to try them, and you even started looking into parenting books. You just wanted to be the perfect wife for him.

So one day you waited for him to come home, ready to tell him the big news; you were ready to start a family. So when he finally got back, you told him!

“Babe! I think i’m ready for a family! With you!” You said happily and confidently. But when you saw his eyes widen in surprise, you didn’t expect them to also be oh so regretful.

“Y-you are..?” He asks, suddenly shaking. His stomach drops to the floor while his heart breaks simultaneously. You... you prepared yourself all on your own, just for him. And he knows he fucked up, getting some other girl pregnant, but he was so angry and sad he just.... it just... happened.

Just then, he gets a call, from the one person he really did not want to talk to. The other woman he got pregnant. He was so scared to pick up the phone, so you did. He froze. ‘No..! You cant pick that up...it will ruin us..’

“Hey! Shin! The baby just kicked! I hope its a girl.... Shin..?” The girl says on the other end, happy and excited.

“wh..what?” You say, confused. “Who are you..?”

“I’m his girlfriend! Who are you silly?” She says, still bubbly.

“I-” You start, and then hang up. It could not be. He did not get another woman pregnant, he was your baby, no one else...right? You slowly look over to Kita, hoping you didn’t just hear what you think you did.

He looks down, guilt and shame washing over his built figure.

“I’m so sorry... it wasn’t supposed to happen, but it did and I can’t just leave her by herself..” He says, voice gradually getting louder.

“So.. you couldn’t just wait a little longer huh...it’s okay, I hope you two will be happy.” You walked away after that, and just then was when Kita realized he was loosing you. He panicked, and reached out for your hand, but you were already gone, into the bedroom you both shared, presumably packing.

But it’s when he sees you walk out the door, tears streaming down your face, and sobs wracking you body, that reality finally shifted. You were leaving, and he was now responsible for a child that wasn’t yours. He was mortified to say  the least.

“Bye Shin, i’ll always love you y’know.. I hope your child is as beautiful as you.”

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Lev-

Today was your birthday! And you were so excited to spend it with your beanpole boyfriend! But he hadn’t answered your texts yet, and your calls either. You understood he had a photo-shoot, but it was over hours ago, even his manager didn’t know where he was. So you decided to check his snapmap because you were genuinely worried??

But when you saw his bitmoji at an unrecognized address, you freaked out and drove there immediately.

When you got there, his car was parked in the driveway, and the lights were on inside. You could also hear the faint hum of soft music. 

Lev was always so gentle with you, and he never raised hid voice or got angry with you. You loved that about him, how soft he was. When you guys first met, he was willing to take things slow, and wait until you were both comfortable with eachother. 

He was always so patient, or so you thought. You weren’t ready for anything intimate other than kissing, and he said he was okay with that. But horny men will be horny men. 

But you at least thought he could wait a little longer for you, his girlfriend of 11 months. At least those were the thoughts that flew through your head as you walked into the mystery house.

It was Lev, laid out on a bed with silk sheets, rose petals scattered everywhere, and Champaign on the nightstand next to him. 

Well, more like next to the other woman in bed with him, dressed in red lacy lingerie and pretty makeup. The candle-light makes them both look so majestic, well they would if they both didn’t have shocked/guilty expressions on their faces. 

Lev got up immediately and tried to grab your arm, but you shrugged him off.

“I trusted you, and I loved you, I still love you! But here you are, with another woman, on my birthday. Happy fucking birthday to me i guess.”

He stood there dumbfounded as you walked out, your confident facade breaking as tears slip down your rosy cheeks. Then, you drive away, knowing things will never be the same...

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Annnnnd it’s finally out! Not proofread i’m sorry </3 Kita’s hurt the most smh

ALSOOOO don’t forget you are fucking gorgeous and ilysm pls take care of your gorgeous self!

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[shemarmooresfedora]

Rebuilding Family

Summary: Y/N and Spencer were college sweethearts at Cal-Tech but once Spencer got accepted to the FBI Academy, he ended things deciding it was not fair to make Y/N wait for him. When they meet again years later, he discovers something unexpected.

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem! Reader

Warning: swearing

Masterlist

Chapter 1

“Thank you for agreeing to guest lecture this semester. My students are really looking forward to hearing stories from a real life FBI agent,” Professor Walker was giving Spencer a tour of Georgetown University.

Spencer had agreed to guest lecture once a week in Professor Walker’s Criminology course following the return of the very much alive Emily Prentiss to the BAU. Spencer had snapped quite a few times at his co-workers and was still adjusting to the sudden development so Hotch signed off on this as a little break for Spencer.

Professor Walker was explaining faculty parking when Spencer heard that voice. It was so nostalgic and comforting, filling him with a sense of warmth that he desperately craved. He thought he would never hear it again.

“My office hours are Tuesdays and Thursdays from three to six. Can you make the lab up one of those days?” the voice asked.

Spencer was desperately looking around, trying to find the owner of voice so he could prove it wasn’t all in his head and you were actually really here.

Then, Spencer saw you. You looked as gorgeous as ever. You were in a black pencil skirt and a dark green blouse with pale pink high heels which was a far cry from the crewnecks, leggings, and converse that Spencer had known you to wear most of the time in college. You looked very mature and that is not to say you didn’t seven years ago but you had this sense of confidence about you now.

“Okay perfect, see you then,” you hung up the phone and made eye contact with Spencer.

Your jaw went slack, eyes widening in what appeared to be horror, and you ceased all your movement.

“Dr. Reid? Do you have any questions?” Professor Walker asked, forcing Spencer’s gaze to drift back to him.

“Uh no, I-I’m all set,” Spencer stuttered.

In reality, he had not listened to a single word he had just said but he took the metro so he didn’t have to worry about faculty parking. He was still trying to process the brief eye contact he had just made with you and figure out if it was a dream or not.

“Perfect, then you are free to go! I’ll see you Monday morning, bright and early!” Professor Walker chuckled.

Spencer waved as Professor Walker strolled off to his office and his eyes scanned the campus for you once again. However, you were long gone. Maybe it was a figment of his imagination.

-

“What the fuck!” you whispered to yourself as you were in a full-on sprint in your heels.

You were trying to locate your car keys in your purse while maintaining your speed. You simply could not handle seeing him ever again. You didn’t even know why he was here. He chose the FBI over you so shouldn’t he be on a private jet or something flying across the country?

Once you made it to your car and slumped into the driver’s seat, you knew you were safe. He didn’t know what car you drove and there were way too many cars to go around looking in the windows of each one.

You took a moment to collect yourself before pulling out of the parking lot. You drove your normal route to Wesley Elementary School and turned off the ignition, hopping out the car.

The kindergarteners were all lined up in a not-so-straight line behind their teacher with their little coats and colorful backpacks on.

“Hi Mrs. Flynn!” you greeted, heading to the back of her line.

You saw a flash of purple before you felt two little arms wrapping around your knees.

“Mommy, I missed you so much,” she exclaimed as you picked her up.

“How much?” you asked.

“This much,” the girl outreached her arms, creating a gap the size of her arm span between them.

“I missed you even more than that, Josephine,” you kissed her cheek, carrying her back to the car.

You placed her in her car seat and got her all buckled up as she talked to you about her day.

Yes, Jo was Spencer’s, that much was obvious from her big brown eyes and curly brown hair. She looked just like her dad but he didn’t even know she existed.

You and Spencer had dated for a little over a year at Cal-Tech. He was already on his third PhD and you were in your second year of undergrad but you both were twenty.

You thought he was the one but looking back on it now, what did you know. You were young, dumb, and in love. As soon as he was recruited for the FBI, you were swiftly dumped as he gallivanted across the country to be a badass and save lives. Fuck Spencer Reid is all you could think as you moped around your apartment for the first two weeks, absolutely miserable.

Then, you realized your period was late and you were never late. When you found out you were pregnant, your friends and family were very supportive, your parents especially, they said they would support your decision either way.

You decided to keep the baby even though you were still very young. You knew it would be hard but you knew this was something you wanted. You knew ever since you were a child playing with baby dolls and then growing up and babysitting your neighbor’s kids that being a mom would make you happy.

You never reached out to Spencer though. He broke up with you and then moved across the country. You weren’t really up for a “hey listen, I know you live thousands of miles away now and don’t want anything to do with me anymore but I’m having your child” phone call so you simply never made it. Sure, some help may be nice but you had your parents. You certainly didn’t need any help from the asshole.

-

It had been hours since Spencer had seen Y/N but he still couldn’t wrap his head around it.

He went to his old dusty computer on his desk and typed in “Y/N Y/L/N”. He wasn’t proud of this but he wanted to know what you were up to.

He found your section on the Georgetown University website. You were an Associate Professor in biology. Spencer smiled, remembering all the night you would come over to his apartment with a bundle of flashcards and have him quiz you until you got every single one right.

Your instagram profile was private and Spencer didn’t even have an account to request to follow you on. Not that he would, an ex seeing you in public after seven years and then requesting to follow you on an account that he just made would definitely come off as creepy.

He could ask Penelope to do further digging but you weren’t a bad guy so that would be an invasion of your privacy and he didn’t really want to deal with all of Garcia’s questions.

Spencer sighed. He missed you. He thought about you very often. Spencer thought it would be selfish to keep you tied down to him when he wouldn’t be able to see you very often. He thought it would just make you miserable so he broke up with you in order to save you from the future pain. But it hurt him so much that he actually cried the entire plane ride to Virginia, the poor woman next to him handing him tissues occasionally. You were way out of his league to begin with, you would find someone new and better in no time, he thought.

In the seven years that had passed, he had a few occasional flings but never even close to what he had with you. You were his first love and undoubtedly his last because he had realized too late that you were it for him.

AO3 link

[latenightdecaf]

moodboard sr: x x x

Entry 4 – Alcohol Buzz and Good Company

part of let the pile of good things grow series - series masterlist

previous entry here

Yoongi x reader Ft. nonidol!bts Producer!yoongi, roommate!yoongi, soft!yoongi slow burn romance, slice of life series of drabbles/one shots warning: alcohol consumptions. please kids, don’t drink and drive.

a/n: I got a little carried away on this cause I miss my friends and some good company. probably the longest one so far. I hope you all like it.

Word count: 2,156

After staring at the ceiling for hours cause of work, you got a call from your best friend asking you to hurriedly come into her apartment. And as much as you hate going out, you were ready within ten minutes, all bundled up with huge scarf and leather jacket and less than thirty minutes later, you pulled over Haneul’s apartment.

“Hey! You’re here! Just leave your jacket by my room. People are coming in soon.” Standing by her front door, “People? Like more than 3?” She knows you; you never would’ve come if she said it’ll be a party. She walked with you towards the kitchen, hands on your waist and your arms over by her shoulder. “Yeah, it’s just Taehyung and couple more people. It won’t be big I promise.” Assuring you but you turned to her with a sour look on your face. “You called me up for this?” You pulled the stool by her kitchen counter, tiptoeing and stretching your arms to reach for the tequila bottle. Shot glass ready, you poured yourself one to start with. “Oh shoot I forgot the lemon and salt.” You talked to yourself as your best friend disappeared into her bedroom. You roamed around the kitchen prepared all the lemon and salt you’ll ever need for the night. When Taehyung and a bunch of other people just casually came in.

* People are starting to come but to your surprise it still wasn’t as too much as you expected, which is good. Couple of acquaintances have come and said hi and small talks over their beer and you still sticking with your tequila. After a while, exhausted over a bunch of small talks and feeling that alcohol buzz. You huffed yourself up and sat at the kitchen counter dangling your feet and just staring at it. When a boy came to you with sleeve tattoo in his arms, beer on hand and called you, “Noona.”

You looked at him intently not sure who he is and with a blank expression on your face. You replied, “Noona who?” Still dangling your legs playfully. “You.” “Me?” Still confused, wondering who in the world is this boy. You asked, “I’m sorry you are..?” He came in closer with a hurt expression on his face leaning on the kitchen counter a few inches away from you. “Jk, we met earlier. I’m Taehyung hyung’s…” Cutting him off as you vaguely remembered, “Ah yeah, the singer! Sorry.” You smiled apologetically. “Why are you here alone, Noona?” You laughed as you heard the word ‘Noona’ again. “Dude come on, i’m just at least a year or two older than you… probably. You’re can’t be that young, so we’re basically friends. No need for that, you can just call me by my name. If you don’t remember, you can just call me “hey” that’ll do either.” He laughed softly at your remarks and drank his beer.

You hopped off the kitchen counter, poured you and Jk a shot if tequila. Clinking your glass together, making sour faces after licking off some salt on top of your hand and Jk choosing lemon this time. When Haneul walked in the kitchen, looking for you.

“Hey, I knew you’d be here. Hi, Jk!” As she leaned by the counter top beside you two. You looked at your best friend, eye squinting from all the booze consumed and asked, “You know that I’m drunk and all, so you’ll probably forgive me for this question. But what in the world is the deal with you and Taehyung?!” Raising your voice towards the end for emphasis. She laughed. “What do you mean what is the deal with us? Nothing.” You gave her a shot of tequila to drink. “So its purely sexual then?” She barfed, spilling over the tequila you just offered. Jk finding himself getting caught in the middle of all this, just grabbed a tissue and helped her clean. “Yes and no.” Haneul finally answered. You raised an eyebrow but no longer wanting to pry. “I just don’t want you kids regretting these decisions, okay? I don’t want to be caught up in the middle of all these. I tell you now. I love you both, so it’s either you stop your shenanigans and just stay friends or you declare love and the shenanigans shall continue.” They both laughed at your comment. Jk who is now somehow involved in this conversation asked, “But do you like him? Like you feel butterflies when you see him?” You smiled and drank another shot of tequila at such innocent notion. “Aigoo, young one. You really think it’s all butterflies and unicorns huh.” You said to Jk while mockingly tapping on his shoulder. To your surprise, Haneul answered. “I do like him.” With all seriousness in her tone while holding her empty shot glass in hand. Shocked and probably really drunk, you immediately hugged your best friend. “I am so sorry, Haneul. Taehyung is just the worst guy to fall into.” You said while still hugging her, laughing and crying at your statement. You pulled away to reach for your almost empty bottle of tequila and Haneul playing along and fake crying. “Come on, love. Let’s just drink your feelings away. I’ve been friends with the guy for a long time, the man doesn’t know what love is.” Haneul took another shot of tequila from you and said “I know.” Jungkook drinking his bottle of beer empty asked, “And do you?” Looking at this guy in disbelief, blinking several times you asked, “And do I what? Know what love is?” You raised your eyebrow at the end. He nodded innocently. You paused before you answered. “No I don’t either. I need some air.” You declared and grab both of them by their arms, Jungkook hopping off the kitchen counter. Taking both of them with you outside and when you three did, it was raining. Both arms intertwined in each of your friend’s, as you three looked all peacefully at the rain. “Make the rain stop, young one!” Tugging over Jungkook’s tattooed arm. He laughed. “I can’t do that, Noona.” “What?! But I heard you can do anything…” Looking at him curiously. “That I can’t do. You want me to sing instead?” Jungkook jokingly offered. “Don’t, you’re going to make her cry.” Pertaining to Haneul who now looks so solemn while looking at the rain with your right arm around her shoulder and her head resting on yours.

Muffled house music in the background along with the sound of the rain. “I’m afraid you’re one of us now, Young one.” You said to Jungkook. And he looked over to the both of you and smiled. “I don’t mind. I like you two.” “Thanks. Okay you may now sing.” You jokingly said and Haneul elbow jabbed you by your rib. “I’m just kidding!!” You took it back immediately. And you three laughed. You’re glad you went to this party despite the exhausting small talks. You’re glad it distracted you from work. You’re glad, you have good people in your life.

“Love, I’m sorry—but real talk, you gotta sort things out with Taehyung. I love the man, but you know he doesn’t do relationship or any form of commitment. You’re just setting yourself up for heartache.” You said as you comfort your best friend. “I know, I’ll sort it out I promise.” Wiping her tears and looking up to you. “Good girl.” You pat her head lightly. “Brave girl.” Jungkook said and extended his arms to wrap you both in a group hug.

After a while you all went inside and rest Haneul into her bed.

On your way out of her bedroom you casually bumped into her door frame, holding on to your shoulder and punching lightly that door frame for bumping into you. Jk who is right behind you said laughing, “Noona you’re drunk.” Still holding onto your shoulder, pouting and with furrowed eyebrows you replied “No I’m not, also I’m not Noona.”

Putting your jacket on and looking for your keys by the pockets. Jk said, “Why don’t I drive you home?” not looking up and still looking for your keys you answered, “Why don’t you go ahead, young one.” “Noona, your keys.” He lift your left hand up with keys and and your phone together. You grinned. “Well there it is!” Jungkook just scratched his head.

You looked at your new found friend to gently assure him, hand on his shoulder and said, “Young one, I live exactly 8 stop lights away from here. All I have to do is go straight, and on the 8th stop light, turn left right into my building. Now, I promise—I promise, I promise not to doze off in the between those stoplights. Not that I haven’t tired but the sound of those honking cars literally woke up.” Your last sentence, made his eye grew. But you continued, “Now don’t you worry okay? Take care of Haneul and Taehyung for me cos I gots to go.” And you turned your back and heard him say, “But noona…” You waved him good bye.

* It’s not the safest and you know that, Joon always hates it when you still insist on driving even after having a drink. But you love driving, once you’re in your car—holding the steering wheel it sobers you up but you know it’s still not an excuse. You try not to do it anymore but tonight is just one of those nights you said to yourself. Minutes later you were already parking your car carefully, not to hit your roommate’s and after a long while as you keep feeling dizzier, you were able to park. Maybe Yoongi will just have a hard time getting in his car but you’ll just say sorry in the morning.

You can already feel your headache coming in as soon as you stepped out of the car. Walking towards the stairs, without noticing that the steel staircase is wet due to the rain you continued climbing up and eventually slipping forward. Your right knee landed in first and your forehead second. You eventually caught yourself up to sit and cry in pain. Rubbing your knees and your forehead and removing your shoes to continue climbing up the stairs. And tightly holding onto the railings and into your apartment. You continue crying in pain as your fall made your head ache even more. You walked inside your pitched dark apartment, waving over the ceiling light and your motion sensor light up front doesn’t seem to be working. So, you put down your shoes, went inside and tripped over to what apparently is Yoongi’s shoes. And you landed on your knees again that caused a loud thud and made you yell in pain. Holding on to your knees again, lying on the floor by the door as you cry silently in pain.

You sigh in your misery. Yoongi who also just got home 20 mins before you, got out of the bathroom in his pajamas and saw you lying in the hallway while you hug your knees. He opened the lights by the hallway, drying his hair with a towel and he looked at you all puzzled.

“Hey, are you drunk?” You didn’t even looked up, you just kept hugging your knees and said, “Yoongi-ah, the front door light isn’t working.” “I’ll fix it in the morning.” Closing the bathroom door, he’s still looking at you by the hallway. “Are you planning on sleeping there?” You let out a loud sigh and gathered all the will to get up. Feeling a thousand times dizzier, you are literally seeing 5 of Yoongi. Together with the pain in your knees. You hold on by the wall and ever so slowly walked towards your room. “What happened to your forehead?” Yoongi asked as you walked past by him, still holding onto the walls. You didn’t even stop in his comment. You just continued walking slowly because if you did, you might cry—and you don’t want to cry in front of him. He caught up with you and said, “Are you okay?” Your eyes are already red, you just nodded and said, “Yeah I’m fine.” Entering your bedroom and closing the door.

[echo-hiraeth]

Chapter 3: “Es Tuyo”

Part of the “Illicit Limerence” series

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader

Summary: After having spent some days recovering and getting to her new surroundings the reader goes back to work where she seems to attract some male attention. Javier is displeased and on his breaking point.

Warnings: Major trigger warning: mention of pregnancy termination, cursing, angst, fluff, mentions of injury

Masterlist

A/N: that photo is totally Javi in that evidence closet

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“That is not how you pronounce that at all”, you cackled from the couch.

Connie threw her hands up in defence: “Well, then how? C’mon help me out here amigo!”

“Amiga”, you corrected, grinning as she set the plate down in front of you.

Your friend shook her head as she took a deep breath, lips curled up in a smirk. “You know, you’re supposed to teach me Spanish, not bully me.”

The door swung open as the both of you ate and laughed together, revealing a more than exhausted Steve. “Murphy, come sit with us, Connie made the most amazing pasta.”

He hung his jacket on the wall and kicked off his shoes before plopping down next to Connie, pressing a short peck to her lips. “What’s got you two all riled up?”

“Connie’s been drinking the night away and I am so sleep-deprived that even the telenovelas have become entertaining”, you answered, mouth full of pasta.

“What’s been keeping you up then?”, he asked while reaching over for a plate.

You shrugged your shoulders: “Just the thought of going back to work tomorrow.. I know it’ll just be paperwork but I-I’m just nervous I guess. I need to figure out a way to talk to Messina about resigning without raising any eyebrows and.. it’s just a lot.”

“You know I can get you another doc’s note”, Connie intervened, tilting her head at you.

“Yeah, I know, Con, I know. I just want to get up and get moving. No offense, but y’all can be boring as hell.”

She playfully threw a pillow at you, which hit you square in the belly, making you huff out a small laugh. “It’s not my fault we both have jobs to do, your highness.”

“When’s that first check-up-thingy of yours anyway?”, Murphy questioned.

“Next week, after hours, but I can get there myself, you don’t have to worry about me.”

“Yeah, not a chance pal, the Sicarios know your face now, best to have a chaperone out there.”

Steve was right and deep down you’d thought about it too. Of course the narco-men already had most of the DEA’s information and agents in their databases, but you were still unknown to them. It was rare for a female agent to work in the field, let alone be placed in Columbia whatsoever, you’d been an element of surprise, but now even that had been taken away by Escobar. You knew a pregnancy meant the end of your career as a DEA agent, at least in the field. The past three days were meant for you to readjust to your temporary living space with your friends, but you’d really only spent it within the depths of your own head. There was so much you had to do and you couldn’t even figure out where to start, you had to tell Javier at some point, quit your job or risk putting him in danger as well and most of all.. tell your parents. The last one could wait, they wouldn’t care much anyways, you figured. But Javier couldn’t, even though you were just over a month along, you knew you’d have to tell him eventually, this kind of thing wasn’t something you could hide forever.

While you were zoned-out, caught within your own head, Steve and Connie watched you. The grip on your plate tightened, eyes staring straight ahead and chest rising and falling more rapidly. Connie carefully put her hand over yours, making you jerk you head towards her, sending a wave of pain through your left shoulder. “I-I think I’m gonna head off for the night”, you mumbled, quickly getting up and putting your half-empty plate on the kitchen counter.

As soon as you shut the door your lips started trembling, eyes burning from the effort of trying to keep the hot tears from spilling. You pressed your right palm to your forehead, mustering up every last ounce of strength to keep yourself at bay. Another deep breath, another memory of his lips on yours, another step towards the bed, another fading remembrance of his rough hands ghosting over your body. This had to stop, you knew it – hell – you’d known from before you even got into his bed. Javier Peña was a bachelor at heart, free of any commitment, who were you to think you could change his mind. Here you were, heartbroken, knocked-up with a fucked-up shoulder, on a pull-out couch in your best friends’ apartment, what a life.

You carefully grabbed a hold of your Walkman, slipping the headphones on and laying down on the bed. You closed your eyes as you listened to the Cure’s “Boys don’t cry”, reminiscing on the hot summer in the States, when you’d bought the cassette and played it on repeat in your car. A soft smile settled on your face and eventually you fell asleep just like that, fully dressed and headphones still on your ears.

Though the next morning, when the three of you sat around the breakfast table, you in yesterday’s clothes and the two of them in their work attire, there was a bit of an atmosphere going on. Not a word was said over breakfast, only increasing the tension even more, making you feel incredibly vulnerable, like a kid scolded by their father, it was odd. It wasn’t until later, on your way to the embassy in Steve’s passenger’s seat that he finally broke his silence.

“Who is it?”, he asked, tone harsher than usual.

You let out a nervous chuckle, quirking an eyebrow in confusion. “Mind giving me a hand here, I’m not sure I-“

“Who did you fuck?”, he interrupted you, voice rigid and determined.

“Steve”, you huffed, “what the hell are-“

“I’m no idiot y/n. Now tell me, who the hell is it.” His frustration started showing in his driving style, his braking much more abrupt than usual.

You scoffed at him, resting your hand on the door handle, at an attempt to feel somewhat secure. “That’s just not none of your fucking business Murphy.”

“It is if I’m losing a partner over it, maybe even two.”

“Peña? Don’t make me fucking laugh”, you lied, voice surprisingly confident. “He’s the biggest jerk there.”

“Then who? Santiago, Lopez, that FBI guy?”, he pressed as he parked the car.

You flipped him off before yanking the car door open, hurrying your way into the embassy. You didn’t bother to stop at the front desk or politely bid you co-workers a “good morning”, no, you just wanted to get to Messina, get your assignments for the day and get to work, away from both your partners.

As predicted, you were to write reports for the foreseeable future, Messina putter her faith in your ability to type them out with just one hand. You’d agreed, not wanting to argue or come up with an alternative yourself and made your way over to your office. Despite your request to be put into a confined space, away from Murphy and Peña, Messina insisted you’d just work at your regular desk, so the two of them could provide you some assistance if needed.

Luckily for you the two of them were out for most of the day, leaving you to work alone, in a comfortable silence. A fellow agent would step in to check if you were alright every now and then, helping you with carrying out file boxes or bringing in new ones. It was times like this that your reputation really preceded you, the sweet girl that would bring coffees on Fridays and bake cookies for birthdays and holidays. You knew your way around the office and compensated for your shortages (aka the fact that you were a woman) by innocent bribery. Lopez had even been so attentive as to bring you a hot lunch, which you gladly accepted and enjoyed in his company.

Steve and Javier were both surprised to see the two of you, laughing and just having a good time. Though they both had different motives, their suspicions aligned perfectly: he’s being too friendly. The two of them walked into the office, yet the two of you didn’t look up, no on the contrary, Lopez leaned in even closer, fidgeting with the sling on your arm.

Javier was not fucking having this today, so he loudly cleared his throat, both of your heads perking up in his direction. Lopez got up off your desk and gave you another smile before walking out of the now-way-too-crowed-with-testosterone office space. He gave the two of them a polite nod, muttering a “Peña y Murphy” before disappearing into the hallway.

“I fucking knew it”, Steve sighed, letting himself fall into his desk chair.

You threw a pencil at his face, chuckling when it ultimately did hit him square in the nose. “You’re a fucking idiot Murphy, Lopez was just bringing me lunch.”

“If you say so”, Steve mumbled, throwing the pencil right back at you.

 The day had stayed calm and you were able to go home without having to talk to Peña at all, to your great relief. The next few days had been the exact same, tonnes of fieldwork for them and an amazing lunch with some of the other agents for you. On Thursday night, when Steve and Javier were working late due to an unexpected lead, you tagged along with the guys, heading out to some bar, where you enjoyed a non-alcoholic beverage or two and even were treated to a lovely platter of grilled goods.

Climbing the stairs to their apartment, you smiled to yourself. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad, you had friends and options, maybe Javier didn’t need to be in the picture, maybe it was meant to be this way. As you slipped your key in the door you took a deep breath, you felt at peace. Which was swiftly stolen away from you as a more than distressed Steve and Connie, baby held in his arms, were revealed.

Your keys hit the floor in surprise, face contorting in confusion. You quickly picked them up, nodded at Connie and walked into your room. A kid and an injured friend were too much for anyone to handle, you knew that, the story would follow, but for now you’d be heading back to your place. Steve gave you an apologetic look as you placed the key on the table, offering the both of them a genuine smile on the way out.

As you hauled your bag down the stairs, you let out a pained groan, your shoulder disagreeing with your every movement. On the next floor down, a familiar door swung open, revealing no one other than Javier, shirt halfway unbuttoned. “C’mon, I already made the bed.”

“Oh, no thank you, I’m fine”, you answered, bag falling off of your shoulder.

He shook his head before walking over to you, taking the bags as he urged you to follow him. “You take the bed, I’ll take the couch. Beer’s in the fridge, cigs are on the table.”

You hesitantly trailed after him, cringing a bit when setting foot in his apartment, the memories of the previous nights spent there flooding your mind within mere seconds. “Javi, I’m really fine, I’d rather just go home.”

“M’sorry hermosa, Murphy’s orders”, he said from the bedroom, coming back empty-handed. “We don’t have to talk, you can take a bath if you want, watch tv, just do whatever you want.”

You stood in the doorway, awkwardly watching as he made his way over to the couch, quickly laying down. “The kid..”

“Escobar.”

That’s all you needed to know, you could fill in the blanks yourself. A hand hovered over your abdomen, stomach turning in knots as the mere idea of something like that happening to you crossed your mind. You closed your eyes, a cold shiver running down your back, the bile starting to rise in your throat. It wasn’t just the news, you’d been “lucky” enough to have limited episodes of nausea, but when you did it was either early on in the morning or later at night, never throughout the day, which really helped your work situation.

“Hey, hey, hey, you sick again?”, Javier asked, quickly getting up and rushing over to you.

You braced yourself by placing your good hand on his chest, taking a few deep breaths. “I need to sit down.”

He gave frantic set of nods, putting an arm around your waist and leading you over to the couch, slowly helping you down. He sat down on his knees between your legs, eyes looking over your features, trying to read you. “Concussion?”

You quickly shoved him aside, rushing over to his bathroom where you dropped down to your knees, head hung over the toilet bowl. It didn’t take long for him to follow, one warm hand resting on your upper back and the other holding on to your hair. His eyes were laced with worry and concern, your pained cries mixed in with the retching breaking his heart. With every convulsion of your body your arm bucked along, causing an immense pain to course through your mending bones. When you eventually stopped and rested your head on your arm, which rested on the porcelain itself, he let go of your hair. He disappeared for a fraction of a second, quickly coming back with some water and a towel.

“Do you need to see a doctor?”

You took a sip of the water, eager to get the vile taste out of your system. “No, no, I’m fine, just drank too much.”

He nodded, despite not believing you. He’d seen you drunk before and this wasn’t that. There was no lingering smell of alcohol, no sexual advances, no sarcasm, you were just.. you – except you were lying to his face. Javier decided not to push on it, not wanting to bother you when you obviously weren’t feeling too great.

Eventually you managed to feel somewhat better and get ready for the night, Javier helping you into a fresh shirt, mindful not to hurt you. When it came to it and you went to bed you decided to ask him to join you, not wanting to be alone after having talked over what exactly had happened that night.

The two of you talked about the baby girl and the fucked up shit the sicarios did as you rested comfortably in his arms. It wasn’t anything sexual, you two were solemnly comforting one another after an incredibly rough day. As he spoke, chest buzzing in tune with his voice, his fingers traced weary circles on your side. He just kept talking and venting, knowing fully well you had passed out. That night Javier slept better than he had in ages, it was also the first time the two of you had stayed with one another until the morning. It was nice. None of you had to sneak out or slip away in the middle of the night and the sight of you when he woke up was a welcome one, making him feel at ease. He gently woke you up, helping you into the bathroom where you took a brief shower, the hot water working wonders on your aching muscles.

When you walked into the kitchen, towel wrapped around your frame, Javier was buttering some toast. “Hi, I hate to do this but I can’t quite get dressed..”

He gave a curt not, putting down the knife before walking over to you, taking the bra and shirt from your hands. “What’s with the shoes?”, he asked as he fastened the hooks of your bra.

“Well, don’t need to run for reports.. so no flats.”

Javier gave a low chuckle as he slipped the dress over your head, fingers ghosting over the tender skin of your neck. “Are you sure it’s not Lopez you want to impress?”

Now it was your turn to huff out a laugh. “Javier Peña, do I detect a hint of jealousy?”

“Should I be?”

As soon as you both were dressed and had somewhat of a breakfast you were headed to the embassy. The drive was quiet other than the radio, and surprisingly soothing. The domestic bliss stayed with you as you took a seat behind your typewriter, Javier’s gaze trained on your figure. You thought it was because of the dress, but in all reality he was trying to figure out why in the hell you would lie to him. Maybe you and Lopez were really becoming a thing or maybe the two of you had always been, maybe he was too late. All the more reasons to move on from you, the mere fucking idea of you.

By the time lunch rolled around Lopez found his way to your desk, a plate held in each hand. “Buenas Peña”, the man croaked out before walking over to your desk.

You uncrossed your legs and smiled up at the man, making Javier’s right eye twitch. Upon looking at the plate your face briefly fell, muttering an apology before declaring you were allergic to seafood. That was another fucking lie, Javier thought.

“But Javier enjoys crawfish”, you chuckled, “let him have my plate, I’ll run down to the market myself.”

Before any of them could protest, you grabbed your purse and fled the office, not wanting to experience a showdown of sorts. Javier took the opportunity to just smirk at the other man, grabbing the plate and shooing him out of the office. But not before providing the man with a sassy “piérdete, fracas ado” (get lost, loser).

The short walk to the market and back had given you the air you needed. Your head was spinning once again, the same thing as always: Javi. What the fuck was all this meddling about? He was so nice all of a sudden, domestic even, which wasn’t entirely uncharacteristic as you’d experienced him like this before.. but it wasn’t as if you were sleeping together again. Maybe that’s just what he expected to get from this. Of fucking course he’d take you in to his place. You scoffed before sinking your teeth into the spicy lunch you’d treated yourself to. Walking back into the office you were surprised to find all three desks empty. Well, you were aware that Murphy was unlikely to show up at all with his new responsibility, but Javier? Maybe he’d been requested for some field work.

You set your bag down before making your way over to the kitchen, wanting to grab a fresh drink. But before you could make it there you were pulled into the nearest evidence room, well closet more like, somebody pulling you in by your right arm.

“Mierda Javier ¿cuál es tu problema“, you yelped (Fuck Javier, what’s your issue?).

“I’m not the one lying to everyone’s fucking face”, he replied with a dark laugh.

You swatted his hand off of you and tried to shove past him when he blocked the door. “I’m not in the mood for this”, you warned, eyes locking with his.

“Missing your little boyfriend already?” Your mouth went agape in shock. “You’re not as clever as you think, hermosa.”

“You don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about, idiota celoso.” (jealous prick).

He wore a devilish smirk as he moved closer, lips ghosting over your ear shell. “Look who’s the whore now, huh..”

That one hurt, a lot. You pulled back from him, emotion catching in your throat. “Stop..”

“You been sleeping with everyone in the office then? Or were Lopez and I the only ones good enough for you.”

You could barely believe your ears, his evil words making tears form in your eyes. “Javier-“

“I at least thought you would’ve been smart enough not to get knocked up”, his words were laden with disgust and you stumbled backwards, feeling more unsafe than ever with him.

You tried to gather your thoughts and come up with a response but you could only manage a sad laugh as you looked at him. “You’re so fucking naïve.”

“¿Qué quiere decir?”, he inquired, lips pursed together. ‘What are you trying to say?)

“Es tuyo”, you declared. (It’s yours).

Those two words were everything he was so terrified of. You, him, a baby? Fuck. This was no place for a baby, he was no dad-material, shit man, he couldn’t even come to terms with the fact that he longed to be with you, let alone take care of you like that. He didn’t dese- no, you didn’t deserve this, all this- his misery.

“I thought you were fucking safe”, he shouted.

You felt incredibly small now, and even more terrified. “It takes two, you know”, you answered.

Javier took a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose as he desperately tried to calm down.

“I-I can give you the money”, he stuttered.

“What?”, you asked, deeply confused.

“To get rid of it.”

If you weren’t infuriated before, you sure were now. The mere mention of it, the mere fucking idea that he wouldn’t even own up to what he did. He’d done it now, but you know what, good. If this is who he really was, then it was best you found out now.

“I-I don’t want you to lose your job..”, he murmured, voice much quieter and soft now.

The tears were streaming over your face at a high speed, blurring your vision as you looked at him. “Move, please.”

“We need to t-“

“Get out of my way”, you screamed.

He hesitantly stepped aside and watched as you speed-walked your way out of there, loudly sobbing and wiping at your eyes. Everyone’s attention was on the two of you, everyone seemingly understanding what had gone down. And as if things couldn’t get worse, around the corner came a familiar tuft of blonde hair, Steve fucking Murphy, giving him the death stare. Well fuck.

Taglist: @peterhollandkait @ophelia-ingenue @pedritomando​ @radiowallet​

[write-orflight]

Like Real People Do.  Chapter 6

*Gif not mine*

Prologue Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3  

Chapter 4 Chapter 5

Rating: M, eventually will be smut.

Words: 2.8k

Warnings: Semi-angst, a lot of cursing, Kinda nsfw language. Body image issues

Request: OPEN/CLOSED

A.N This chapter made me cry while writing it and it’s a long one. Message to be on Taglist. Much love, Cia

Chapter 6: Before those hands pulled me from the earth?  

You wake up the next morning to knocking at your front door, Garbage immediately running out of the bed in search of the sound, probably hoping it was someone with food. 

You groggily walk to the door in your pajamas and open it, it’s Spencer. Standing in his typical cardigan over a dress shirt, messenger bag clenched tightly in his grasp. 

“Spen, what’re you doing here?” You ask, sleepily. 

“I-uh, I know today’s going to be rough, I just thought you maybe didn’t want to go in alone.” He says, nervously. “It’s stupid, I’ll just go-” He starts to turn but you grasp his wrist, tugging him down so you could peck his cheek, you smile at the instant blush that spreads across his cheeks. 

“Thanks for thinking of me but I still have to shower and get dressed. Do you mind making coffee?” You ask, Spencer shakes his head no before walking to where he knew your kitchen was. 

You go into your bathroom and undress slowly in front of your full length mirror. It had been a big selling point when they showed you the apartment, but you kept covered it in newspaper the second you moved in. You hated your reflection, often reminded you of that night and your time with Gabriel. Large raised scars adorned your abdomen and sides, and if you could turn and see they’d be all over your back too. Stray tears fell from your face. Your mom would always tell you how beautiful your skin naturally was. How women her age would pay just for their skin to look like yours again.

You knew she’d be disgusted with how it looked now. 

You sighed heavily before stepping into the hot stream of your shower. 

When you come out, you dress blandly in a simple gray button up black slacks and blazer. You put your hair in a tight bun and opt to wear your glasses instead of trying contacts. Typically, this is boring and not your style at all but Hotch and Rossi had briefed you on how you should dress and act today. To look exactly the opposite of what attracted you to him in the first place, to be sensible and adult. 

You come out and Spencer is leaning against your kitchen counter, sipping from a mug with one hand and petting Garbage who was sitting happily on the counter next to him. When he sees you, he smiles and hands you another mug. You cautiously take a sip. It’s made exactly how you like it.

Of course it is. 

You lean against the other counter across from him and listen absently as he tells you facts about cats, still affectionately petting Garbage. The whole thing feels domestic and scarily, right. Normally, you get antsy when people are comfortable in your space but Spencer just seems to fit. Like it’s exactly where he was meant to be. 

“Are you ready to go?” He asks as a while. You had almost forgotten why he was here in the first place. You nod, and the two of you walk outside to your car. 

You drive silently, Spencer chatting amicably in the passenger seat. You could tell he was trying to distract you, you welcomed that. It was only a matter of time before you saw the entrance to the FBI parking garage. 

You drove straight past it. 

“Uh, Y/N… That was the turn.” He says, warily. 

“I know, I just needed to circle the block really quick.” You say, He nods understandingly, You blow a breath as you circle the block. You see the entrance in sight. 

You drive straight past it again. 

“Fuck!” You swear. “I’ve got it this time, I swear.” 

“You can take your time, Y/N/N.” Spencer says, softly. 

“No, I can’t!” You say, looking over at the man next to you. He looks at you with a soft expression. “And God, stop looking at me like that.” 

“Like what, Y/N.” 

“With pity!” You yell. “You all look at me like I’m going to break any second and this was the exact reason I didn’t want you guys to know in the first place. I’m still me, I’m still more than capable of doing my job. I’ve interviewed serial killers before, so stop looking at me like that!” 

“I’m not looking at you like anything, Y/N.” He says. 

“Spencer, we both know I’m not an idiot. Yes, you are.” 

“Ok, maybe I am!” He raises his voice back at you. You turn your eyes off the road for a second to look incredulously at him. He never raises his voice at you. “But that’s only because you went from being the smartest, most beautiful woman I’ve ever met to being the strongest as well. 

You pull into the garage silently when he says that. You pull into a space quickly, throwing your car into park. You look up at him to see he’s already looking at you with so much adoration, you’ve never seen that on him before.  

“Thank you.” You say quietly. 

“You’re welcome.” He smiles, getting out of the car.  

You follow him to meet your fate. 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The two of you head straight for Hotch’s Office. He opts to wait outside while Hotch and Rossi go over how you should act with him once he’s in interrogation. Be indifferent, don’t show any emotion and if you do, don’t let that emotion be fear. You still being fearful of him is what gets him off. You nod and mumble “Yes, sir.” as you walk out, you realize you should’ve waited. Spencer was there waiting for you but so was he. Being escorted off the elevator by two guards, Gabriel Ferguson is walking through the bullpen towards interrogation. He looks up at the catwalk, sees you and smiles. You feel sick to your stomach suddenly. 

“Hey, don’t look at him. Look at me.” Spencer says. His hand moves under your chin, tilting your head so you’re looking in his eyes. The action itself is so intimate that you can’t help the doe-eyed admiring look you give back to him. “You’re safe okay, no one here is going to let anything happen to you. I’m right here and I’m also going to be right behind that glass. Nothing’s going to happen. You’re going to get the address, then he’s going to go under the needle and you’re going to move on with your life, ok?” He reassures you. You nod back at him. Hotch clears his throat behind you guys, causing you to take a step away from each other. 

“You ready, Y/N?” He asks. 

You sigh.  “As I’ll ever be.”  

-----------------------------------------------------------------

You follow Hotch into the interrogation room, where you see him sitting. The smug look that always adorned his face. He stands, cuffs around his feet and hands. 

“Beloved--” He greets. 

“Sit down!” Hotch instantly yells, the man falls back into his seat. 

“Hotch, I’m fine. You can go.” 

“Yea, Hotch.” He says, venomously. “She’s a big girl.” 

Hotch gives him an angry look that could cut steel, as he cuffs the man to the table in front of you. He looks at you, softly. “I’m right outside.” He turns and exits, leaving you alone with your monster. 

You sit, sitting a legal pad on the table next to you keeping the pen next to it. You then lean back and pull out your phone. 

Gabriel says nothing, neither do you. You sit in silence, he watches you as you keep your focus on the screen in front of you. 

After 5 minutes, he snaps. “Am I boring you?” He asks. 

“Yes.” You say, looking into his eyes before turning back to your phone. 

“Come on, Play fair, Beloved.” He says, in that voice that always made bile come up every time you thought about it. “The deal was I give up the location if you talk to me.” 

“No, the deal was if you give the location of the bodies, You get to talk to me. I don’t have anything to say to you.” You turn your attention back to your phone. “Oh, and you will call me Agent Y/L/N, or nothing at all.” 

After another minute, he snaps banging his hands against the table. It startles you for a second before you fix back to your bored expression. “What could possibly be more important that you need to be on your phone right now?” He says, angrily. You’ve forgotten how angry he could get and how scary that was but you didn’t let him win. 

“Lunch actually.” You say looking into his eyes with a bored expression. “I’m thinking of getting Thai. I think this’ll take, what… 30 at most so if I order it now then it’ll probably get here by the time we’re done.” 

He slams his hands again. This time you don’t react, expecting it “Put your phone away now!” You roll your eyes. “You know, I don’t like being disobeyed, Beloved.” 

You do get off your phone but place it on the table in front of you, not wanting to show him an ounce of obedience. “I’ve already told you, It’s Agent Y/L/N” 

“Ah yes, Special Agent Y/N Y/L/N.” He says, in a sickly tone. “Followed in daddy’s footsteps, huh? Let’s hope you don’t meet the same fate.” 

That throws you off a bit but you try not to let it show. “Considering you’ll be dead in what? 23 hours? I don’t think I will.” 

He has the nerve to chuckle. “Aw come on, Beloved. You won’t mourn me when I’m gone?” 

“No, I was actually thinking of throwing a party.” 

“That’s not true, there were times when you enjoyed our time together.” 

You look at him, angrily. “I did not enjoy a single second with you.” You say, coldly. 

He leans back. “I saw him, you know.” 

“What’re you talking about?” 

“Him.” He says, as if that was supposed to give you some sort of indication. “Up on the catwalk with you. I saw how you looked at him. Boyfriend, I’m assuming?” 

You don’t give him any reaction to what he said but you knew he was talking about Spencer. 

“Co-worker.” You say. 

“Don’t lie to me, Beloved.” 

“I’m not.” You say, growing irritated. 

“I’ve worked a lot of jobs in this lifetime and I can tell you I’ve never looked at a ‘coworker’ like that.” He says, smirking “And I bet he’s right behind that glass. Do you think he’d like to know how you were back then. How you would beg for my cock? How you would scream?”  

“Stop.” You say, quietly. 

Spencer’s jaw clenched in the other room, he was seething mad and everyone else in the room could tell. 

“You gotta pull her out, Hotch.” 

“She’s fine, Spencer.” Hotch says. “If I thought she wouldn’t be, she wouldn’t still be in there. Let her do her job.” Hotch looks Spencer in his eyes. “Do you need to leave?” He asked. 

“No, sir.” Spencer said, turning his attention back to the scene unfolding in front of him. 

“You were always so good back then, so good and pure. Always wet and ready for me when I got home. I wonder, what he’ll have to say when he sees you, if he hasn’t already,  when he sees just how much I ruined you.” 

“ENOUGH!” You snap, angrily. “You didn’t ruin me! I ruined you.” He looks at you confused. “You think we didn’t find your little manifesto? With your brilliant plan to kill 2 agents and their daughter then kill yourself? You thought that would make you famous, didn’t you? That you’d go down like Dahmer and Bundy? Well, guess what, asshole? I had them seal the records, no one even knows what you did and as a bigger fuck you, I’m. Still. Alive. And you had to live the past 10 years and now the next 22 hours and 22 minutes, knowing that you are exactly what your parents always said you were, a fucking pathetic failure.” You’re seething, you know you weren’t supposed to do this but you don’t care at this point. You played his game for too long, in fact, you played it for 10 years. “And my scars only show me that despite your best wishes I’m still living. And when they stick that needle in your arm finally, I’m going to get a coffee, or read a book, or ride a bike. I’m going to do every single thing a living person does. Because in the end, You did not win. I did.” 

You stand up grabbing your things to leave. Hotch is already entering before you can turn and go. He looks at you in concern but your eyes are only focused on Ferguson’s  

“There’s an old pig farm off route 100. I’d check the flooring of the barn if I were you.” He says. You immediately go to exit the room. “And Beloved?” You stop, but you don’t turn around to meet his eyes. “Of all the girls, you were my favorite.” 

On that, you do turn. “Go fuck yourself.” You say, leaving him and hopefully, the past behind you. 

You speed walk away, you hear Spencer calling your name behind but you speed walk away from him into the file room. The tears you’d been holding all day come back with a vengeance as a sob tears through you. Suddenly, you feel arms around you and you know it’s Spencer. 

“Spencer, let me go. I’m fine.” 

He’s reluctant but he does let go. “No, you’re not, Y/N.” He says, looking into your eyes. “It’s ok. You did so good in there.” 

The sob rips through you again, this time Spencer keeps his hands to himself, unsure if you want to be touched. “You saw?” You asked, He nodded sadly. “So, you heard what he said, what I did.” 

“You didn’t do anything, Y/N.” He says, looking into your eyes. “You did what you had to to survive. No one’s judging you for that.” 

“He’s right though.” You say, tears streaming down your face. “He ruined me.” 

“Don’t say that.” 

“It’s true!” You snap. “Look at me, I’m a fucking wreck. I have nightmares all the fucking time, I can’t even look at my own reflection for long without getting sick, I can’t date because every time I do, I’m afraid they’ll finally see me and see this broken, horrifying, disgusting monster he left behind. I-” your rant is cut off by Spencer’s lips connecting to yours. 

Your first kiss had been Peter Ross in the closet at your first boy/girl party in 8th grade, you remember it being wet and slimy and swearing to yourself you’d never kiss a boy again. That hadn’t been true though, you remember your high school boyfriend, Tony, who had kissed you for the first time under the bleachers of the football field. Derrick, your college sweetheart, who kissed you for the first time in the library. Danny, a summer fling who kissed you on the beach. Random boys you had the misfortune of meeting and making out with at parties. You’ve had a lot of first kisses in your life, you thought you knew exactly what they were supposed to feel like. 

They’ve never felt like this. 

Like fire under your skin, fireworks behind your eyes. Pulling cookies out of the oven at the right time. The smell of calm air after a hurricane. 

These were some of the things you’d use to describe what it felt like kissing Spencer Reid but the action itself was still indescribable. 

You groan in surprise at first, not completely sure what was happening. But when his hands caressed soft yet somehow still firmly around your face, you couldn’t help but melt right back into him. Your hands moved to his jaws while his moved from your face to grip tightly at your waist. His tongue slides along your bottom lip, you groan in surprise earning you a groan in return and a tongue in your mouth. You stay like that for a while, frenching in the file room like this was a bad Daytime drama, until he eventually pulls away. You go to follow his lips but he only pulls back more with a smile, leaning his forehead against yours. You stay like that for a moment, your hands still on his jaw, his on your waist. 

“Do you-uh,” He starts. “Do you want to get dinner tonight?” He asks. 

“Uh, yea.” You say, reluctantly letting him go and backing up so you can look at him properly. “Can it be Thai? Talking about it in there made me crave it.” 

He nods, happily at you before following you out of the file room.      

Taglist: @haylaansmi​     @yoruebeautiful​ @kianagilder-blog​ @l0ve-0f-my-life​ @bihoeofmanyfandoms @dreamer7black​ @baby-banana​ @drreidshands​ @blameitonthenight21​ @slyskyeey​ @liaabsurd​ @di-essere-amato​ @oliviamaerose​

[hargrove-mayfields]

Billy having a meltdown in school and the school security nearly kill him while holding him down, (supportive) Neil is pissed and he comforts billy in the car -🦖

I love me some autistic Billy, but I do think it would be especially hard for him because he doesn’t look like the standard of what an autistic teenage boy is expected to.

Trigger warnings are in the tags, triggering content starts after the read more.

It was an accident. Billy was just upset, he hadn’t meant to scare anybody.

He had to learn a long time ago that he wasn’t like the other kids in his class, the sweet girl with Down’s or the scrawny freshman with Asperger’s, Billy was big, and he looked like a man at 17. But no matter what he looked like, he still couldn’t just stop the way he was feeling because of his appearance.

School had already started off on the wrong foot when he got yelled at by his teacher for forgetting an assignment, but what had really made him reach that emotional threshold was when someone popped a chip bag on the other side of the cafeteria, and it made another girl scream. The sounds had felt like daggers in Billy’s ears, a kick start to his heart, and almost instantly he feels himself start to slip into a familiar panic.

He does exactly what he’s been taught to do when he felt a meltdown coming on and has time to try to prevent it by removing himself from the situation, but as he’s hurrying back to the special ed classroom, where there were bean bag chairs and pillows and things already laid out for times like these, humming and hitting one hand off of his chest over and over as he goes, a teacher stops him.

She just wants to know where he’s going, but he can’t answer her, the words just won’t form in his throat, so, in the absence of an answer to her question, the concerned teacher reaches out and puts a hand on his shoulder, stepping closer to him so she’s looking him in the eye.

Billy flinches, her touch feels like a hot iron under his skin, and he backs away a couple of steps, his back hitting off of some lockers. She tries to touch him again, clearly just wanting to help a student in crisis, but this time he grabs her wrist, not hard enough to hurt her, he would never, but to let her know in the only way he knew how to communicate at a time when he didn’t have his words to please stop touching him.

But to lay his hands on a teacher is very much against the rules, especially the rules he specifically was supposed to follow, and the man who enforces them just so happens to already be following him after he saw him leave the cafeteria. That was the way it went, the school officers kept close tabs on the kids like him, waiting in the wings for the moment they got in trouble.

Billy doesn’t even know exactly what happens, just that the officer is suddenly there instead of down the hall and prying his hand away from the teacher, which isn’t hard, because he’d barely even touched her. He pulls Billy away so he stumbles a little, and pushes down right on the back of his neck until his knees hit the floor.

Prone restraints are nothing new to him, he had been put in them countless times before for everything from kicking a teacher to crying in class, so Billy knew not to fight, to just let the officer push him until he was face down on the floor, kept there with a knee in his back. It only ever hurt him worse if he tried to get away.

He hears the teacher who’d stopped him in the first place ask, “I-Is that really necessary?” In response, she’s given the standard subject cooperation speech, and she must be appeased by it, because her heels click across the floor Billy’s face is pressed into, and then they’re alone in the hall.

There’s something very wrong with the way it feels this time though. The man restraining him is much heavier than Billy is used to, and his ribs are pressed way too hard into the floor. He tries to tell him, but the words are still escaping him, and he realizes he can’t breathe.

His instinct is to try and sit up, but he only gets a hand on the back of his head pressing his face even harder to the ground, making his neck hurt from the angle and his teeth dig into the inside of his cheek until there’s blood in his mouth.

The officer shifts forward, his knee digging so far into Billy’s back that he can physically feel the rest of the air leave his lungs, and he starts to panic, clawing at the floor, defenseless and unable to ask for help.

When he stops moving, his body feeling too heavy to even try it anymore, he’s asked. “Are you ready to behave?”

He’d say he was more than ready if it meant the officer would get off of him, but there’s nothing he can do at all respond. One of his bones cracks when the man moves again, but he doesn’t feel anything other than the way his lungs are burning and the pressure that’s building in his chest and the way his face hurts.

If he moves, he’s afraid the officer will think he’s still fighting and he won’t get up. If he doesn’t, he’s pretty sure he’s going to die.

Billy squirms, a whimper in his throat, and the officer asks, more edge to his voice now, “I asked you a question. Are you going to behave now?”

He nods as best he can, but the angle of his neck hurts too bad. Impatiently, the man moves again, and there’s another crack as his bones grind into the floor, “I want to hear you say it so I know you aren’t lying to me.”

With a sob Billy forces out the answer, it’s wheezy and snotty and it burns like fire in his throat, but he whines “Yes!” loud enough it echoes in the empty hall way.

The officer waits ten more seconds, he counts them off out loud to make sure Billy feels every last second of being restrained, the equal parts pain and numbness tingling in his whole body until he learns his lesson, then finally he stands up.

As soon as the pressure is off of his spine, Billy takes in a big breath that tastes an awful lot like copper, bloody spit down his chin from the effort it takes just to breathe.

His chest rises too shallow, too rattling, so he rolls over onto his back to try to catch his breath a little better, and the officer offers him a hand. But Billy doesn’t take it, he can’t just yet, but if he could he wouldn’t anyways, and the officer just scoffs at him, then sternly, he threatens, “You know I’m going to have to tell the office about this, now.”

Billy nods and does his best to sit up, only getting halfway propped up on his elbows because of the blood that’s rushing to his head combined with the slowly registering and extremely overwhelming pain in his back and his ribs knocking him dizzy.

That must be good enough an answer anyways, because Billy is told to, “Report back to your class.”

He can’t stand up quick enough at the officers orders, his shoes scuffing up the waxed floors as he scrambles to get away from him with permission. He ignores the pain in his body and the way it draws tears to his eyes, and he doesn’t look back even once as he walks the rest of the way back to his classroom.

The worst part, he realizes, is that this whole thing could’ve been avoided if he were just a little fast; he was only two doors down from his classroom.

His special ed teacher tisks when she sees and tells him to come straight to her next time, as if that wasn’t what he was trying to do when he got restrained, but she’s still at least nice enough to give him an ice pack and let him stay in her room on the memory foam mattress in the back.

Billy had been planning on getting back to his coed classes as soon as he calmed down, but the ache in his ribs hadn’t gotten any better, only turned to a sharp, stabbing feeling in his entire chest, and his throat was hurting really bad, and he just couldn’t quite catch his breath, so he was still there when the final bell rang.

The teacher looks over her glasses at him when he doesn’t leave the room, and says quietly, “Honey, it’s time for you to go home.”

Billy tries to respond, only coughing instead on the first try, then wheezes out his answer, a simple, “Can’t.”

Because he finds he can’t sit up anymore, every time he tries it he feels like he can’t breathe all over again, so, after more prompting, the teacher grimaces and helps him to his feet.

She walks all the way with him out to the parking lot too so she can explain his injuries to his father, maybe try to save face a little, but this wasn’t the first time the school system had let something like this happen, and they were done with excuses.

The moment Billy sees his dad waiting at his truck for him and Max is when he finally cracks, all of the emotions inside him that had been exhausted by his meltdown coming back overwhelmingly quick, and he’s instantly a crying mess, sobs wracking through him that make his ribs feel like they’re made of broken glass.

Neil’s face is tight with concern as he gets Billy into the pick-up, barely listening to his teacher ramble on about school procedures and necessary precautions. He shuts the door in her face before she’s done with her bullshit explanation, focusing solely on Billy, and getting him calmed down.

Neil doesn’t touch him, doesn’t speak to him for fear of making things worse. When Billy was on meltdown two, it took hardly anything to set him off again, so he settles on turning the truck on, the vibrations of the engine more calming than anything else he could try to do for him.

It doesn’t take long of that, the radio going gently and the car rumbling, for the tears to slow to a sniffle, accompanied by hiccups that ache deep in his chest, and when he’s feeling better, Neil asks him, after giving him a moment, “Will you be okay if I leave you here with Max?”

Billy nods in agreement, so when the junior high lets out and Max gets in the truck, Neil opens his own door and tells her, “Stay here with your brother.”

“What happened?” She asks, her eyes wide, but Neil blows her off, “Doesn’t matter, I need to talk to somebody.”

Max watches him go, then turns to Billy, taking note of how bad he looks, but not bringing it up. They don’t talk to each other much, but she does take up his hand, which is noticeably shaking badly, and rubs her thumb over his knuckles to try to calm him down.

“Are you okay, Billy?” She asks after a silence filled only by wheezy and uneven breaths, to which he replies by shaking his head no.

The parking lot clears out around them while they wait for Billy’s dad to come back, Max getting more on edge the longer they just sit in the truck, and Billy getting more worn out after two meltdowns and not being able to cool down.

Neil slams the trucks door when he comes back, answering before either Billy or Max can ask, “It’s taken care of.” and taking them home finally.

Max gets dropped off at home and told to explain the situation to her mother, while Neil takes Billy straight to the hospital. They tell him that two of his ribs are fractured, and when he asks, they tell Neil too that he can’t make the school pay the medical bills because it was Billy’s fault.

And that’s the straw that broke the camel’s back.

The very same night, Neil announces that they’ll be moving again, this time instead of a few towns over or just to a different school district, he wants to move them out of California entirely to a small town over in Indiana, where he lived before moving to Berkeley with Billy’s mother. Where things will be different, and safer, hopefully.

Max doesn’t get it, why it’s worth uprooting for a chance that things might be different for Billy, and she’s mad, at him and at his dad.

But she’s not the only one, because Billy isn’t exactly too keen on the idea either. It seems to him like it’s just an excuse to please Susan, like they’re leaving town because of the reputation their family has built with an autistic son that she’s always trying to run from, and he feels betrayed.

Susan is also being much snappier with Billy than before, getting on his case for everything from getting distracted and taking brakes while packing, for being too loud in the car, for being stupid and lazy and the reason they had to leave their idyllic life behind.

Nobody knows where to pin the blame, and it’s tearing their family apart.

Hawkins is the kind of town that’s supposed to be perfect for them, quaint and reserved, but they’re thrown head first into it, no time even to adjust, and the second day at his new high school, Billy has another bad meltdown.

There are already too many new things to take in about his new high school, but then he gets lost trying to tell the difference between the A and B wings in the halls, and he just gets so overwhelmed that the next time the bell rings he gets pushed over the edge.

He waits that first one out in the bathroom, terrified of the consequences, of being hurt again before he’s even done healing from the last time, but it never comes. There are no dark rooms or officers or anything of the sort at his new school, they just let him do his thing.

Even the times when he doesn’t get away and melts down right there in the hallway or class room, they just work around him. The first week in, he even finds a friend in Tommy H.

So maybe things were a little shaky at home, and there were still a couple of kids would snicker behind his back or a few rumors would spread, but the more time they spent there, the more Billy is actually maybe, just a little bit, looking forward to being in Hawkins.

[beauvibaby]

go swimming? - j.benn

requested [] yes [x] no

a/n: idek what this is, but I love it bc it’s Jamie, enjoy (not proofread)

You pushed open the back door, eyebrows instantly shooting up when your co-worker gasped in relief at your presence. “Y/N, thank god, there’s a line out the front door.” Mark gasped, and you hoped out of sight line from your boss, knowing you were early and he would have you clock in right away, the downfall of being slightly above the regular hourly employees, a shift leader, really but the only difference is you wore a different shirt. “Y/N, clock in!” Your boss, Tom, called from the front line, already beginning to put an apron on and get in the kitchen, “good luck!” Mark called from his prep station, shooting you a smirk when you glanced back with a glare. You shoved your things into the office, silencing your phone and shoving it into your pocket, you clocked in, in record time before turning to the expo counter and gasping at the nearly twenty minute tickets that hadn’t even begun to be prepared. “Read it off, Y/N, come on!” Your boss snapped, you pushed the annoyance aside, knowing despite him being a manager of his own store for years, he didn’t handle stress well. You began rattling off orders, food being slide over to you left and right, you continued to quickly tray it up, turning around and placing it on the counter, shouting out the name on the order into the full dining room.

This went on for over an hour, the lunch rush continuing, but finally once it slowed down enough you went out into the dining room to help the other girls clean up. Garbage was overflowing, the soda machine was out of more than a few things, napkins were empty, ketchup spilt on the counters by children. You held in a sigh as you made your way around the dining room, plastering that work smile on your face, taking empty bins and trays from people’s tables, the only thing that made today even a little better was seeing some of the regular guests in there. You chatted with them for a while, laughing at something the older gentleman said to you, his wife chastising him for keeping you up. “It’s alright, we all need a good distraction sometimes.” You shot him a wink as you walked off, silently telling him thank you. He chuckled, going back to playfully bickering with his wife, you shook your head with a smile, hoping one day that you and Jamie would be that lucky. You made your way to the back, gasping as you and Mark rounded the corner at the same time, sending his freshly cut food flying to the floor and the dirty dishes you had in your hands smushed to the front of your shirt. “Oh, I’m sorry!” Mark rushed, scrambling to help you pick up the food and plates, “it’s fine, I’ll get it, go cut more food before-“ “Mark, I need those tomatoes!” Tom shouted, rushing to the back and freezing when he saw them on the floor. “Jesus Christ.” He snapped storming back to the front, “waiting on tomatoes.” Tom muttered to the assistant manager who was looking at him expectantly.

“Go, Mark, I’ll clean this up.” You assured him, carefully squatting to scoop up the mess. You walked over to the sink, putting the dishes into the water, gasping at how frigid it was, you scrambled to drain it and replace it with the hot soapy water. “Y/N!” Lola gasped running over to you, “code brown.” She snapped, watching as your face fell, code red meant corporate was here, code yellow meant the healthy inspector was here, but code brown, that meant they were both here. “Go, go, go!” You demanded, jumping into defensive mode, “change the Sanitizer buckets.” You demanded, knowing that would be the first thing they checked. You ran over to the prep kitchen, “code brown!” You snapped, everyone went into a panic, scrambling to make sure everything was purposefully to code. “Nose goes!” Mark shouted, his finger shooting to the tip of his nose, everyone followed suit before you could even process it. “Fuck.” You muttered, going to find Tom. “Health inspector, and corporate just pulled up.” You mumbled, and he froze, muttering under his breath, he turned to give you a list of things to check. “You need to change your shirt.” He snapped, only then did you realize it was covered in smeared sauce from the dishes, “and then the normal routine!” He called into the kitchen as you ran towards the back door, you nodded, thankful for your decision to keep an extra shirt in your car for work.

Once you scrambled to change in the bathroom. You came out and were greeted by even more of a disaster, the health inspector shaking his head at Tom, along with Tom’s boss from corporate, Adam. Tom shot you a look and instantly you knew you’d be getting an earful from him once they left. The labels in the walk in freezer had timed out, and that was one of the things on your list. You shot them a smile, playing coy as you rushed towards the dining room, at least going to make sure everything up there was maintained properly.

***

“Y/N, office now.” Tom snapped, storming into the office, paperwork from the health inspector in hand, everyone shot you a look as they knew you were going to get ripped to shreds, as if it’s your fault that his employees don’t follow the rules. “I did my best, ok? Keep that in mind.” You grumbled daringly when the door shut, “I know.” He snapped, “we barely passed!” He slapped the paper down in front of you. You picked it up, and looked at the inspection, you scoffed, “these are all your problems, these are all kitchen markings, the dining room and cash registers were good!” You exclaimed, placing the paper back down. He looked at you, eyes ablaze, “don’t talk to me like that, Y/N, you’re pushing your luck.” He demanded and it pushed you over the edge, “no, I don’t think I am, I’m overworked and underpaid, you treat me more like a manager than your actual managers! So unless you want to pay me what I deserve, I think I might have to start looking for another job.” You crossed your arms, staring him down. “So are you saying you want me to put an ad out for a shift leader?” He retorted, sitting on his chair, making you feel belittled even though you were still standing. “If you don’t want to give me a raise like you should’ve done when I started wearing this special shirt, then yes, you should put an ad out.” You demanded, grabbing your purse, “would you look at that, my shift is over.” You scoffed, opening the door, “Y/N!” Tom stuck his head out of the doorway. You froze as your time card printed out, glancing over your shoulder at him as he spoke, everyone’s eyes ongoing between the two of you. “Be prepared to train your replacement.” His voice had venom dripping from it, and Lola gasped, nearly dropping the food she had in her hands, Mark shot daggers into the back of Tom’s skull. Everyone was shocked, to say the least, you’d been through so much here, you’d been here since the restaurant opened, people in corporate knew you by your first name alone, they wanted to use you in nationwide training videos. “Fine.” You hissed, pulling your composure together long enough to calmly walk to your car, but the second you shut your car door, you lost it, the weight of what has just happened hitting you. You pulled your phone out, dialing Jamie’s number before pulling out of your parking spot. “Hi, baby, heading home now?” He answered cheerfully, oblivious to how your voice was about to come out as a cry. “Jamie?” You whispered, “I think I just quit.” Your voice broke, you heard him sigh softly, “it’s alright, Y/N, don’t cry, please.” He mumbled, “drive safe, please, I’ll be here waiting for you.” He added, knowing you couldn’t speak about it while driving, he knew you, and he knew that you’d be too emotional. “Ok.” You whimpered.

***

The front door opened the second you parked your car in the driveway, Jamie had a soft, comforting smile on his face, arms opening when you climbed out of the car. “Hey.” Jamie spoke, frowning when you pouted up at him, “I hated that job, why am I so emotional?” You questioned, suddenly feeling stupid for the way you were reacting, and feeling like this only showed Jamie more of your age gap. “Because, that’s been your only job, baby, you’ve been there for years.” He brushed your stray hair back, “just because your boss was a prick, doesn’t make it any easier to leave, you made friends there, they’re family to you.” He explained, making sure you absorbed his words, you looked up at him, eyes wide, slightly teary, but mostly just nodding along with him. “Yeah.” You mumbled, “Wanna tell me what happened?” He asked, pulling you in for a quick kiss, before guiding you inside, you went on to explain everything to him, watching the way he clenched his jaw a little tighter when he listened to you tell him about the way Tom treated you. He never liked him, the first time Jamie met you, not shockingly at your job, he walked in with Tyler and a freshly drafted Miro, they all gave an odd glance as you walked back to the cash register, your boss angrily going to work on the expo counter.

“Hi, my name is Y/N, I’ll be taking your order, what can I get started for you today?” You spoke the rehearsed line, looking up you met Jamie’s eyes first, and that’s all it took, you were a grinning fool the rest of the day, your co workers teasing you all day, making fun of the blush that had stayed on your cheeks. When you went over to grab the stuff from their table, you were more than shocked to have the cute guy, who’s name you had finally learned was Jamie, had left his number on a napkin, his hand writing sloppily saying “please make sure Y/N gets this”

“I’m sorry, but you know what this means?” He questioned, voice raising a bit in excitement, you looked up from your spot on the couch, your head lazily resting in his lap while you spoke, “what?” You questioned, confusion covering your face. “You get to stay home with me while you look for a job, a job that you’ll love.” He spoke happily, fingers tracing your jaw. “That’s true.” You pondered, you would have the ability to find a job you really loved, you had money saved, you and Jamie lived together, it would be nice. “There’s that smile.” He hummed happily, you hadn’t even realized you’d begun beaming until he spoke up. “Thank you.” You whispered, sitting up to kiss him, laughing against his lips when he held you there. He finally released you, helping you sit up properly. “You are the best thing that came out of that job.” You spoke with one hundred percent certainty, moving to straddle his lap, he grinned childishly at your words, brown eyes showing his happiness. “Really?” He questioned, “Jamie, of course.” You giggled, cupping his bearded jaw, “that hell hole gave me my forever.” You told him cheesily, watching as he processed your words, his head falling back in laughter.

“Way to ruin the moment.” You scoffed teasingly, climbing off of his lap, “no, baby!” He whined, reaching for you, “it was sweet.” He added, gasping in fake shock when you stepped out of his reach again, you loved the moments like this, when you both just forgot about life and just had these fun childlike moments. “You know you can’t outrun me, right?” Jamie raised his brows, seeing the way you kept glancing at the hallway out of the living room. “Doesn’t mean I won’t try.” You teased, setting your phone on the coffee table, as well as taking your belt off from work that was suffocating you. “Five second head start, because I’ve had a bad day.” You pouted down at him, tilting your head just the right way to make your hair fall over your shoulder, you knew it always killed him when you did that, and you could tell by the look in his eyes that his mind was already wandering elsewhere. “Five seconds, that’s it.” He mumbled, arms grabbing the back of your thighs, you leaned down and gave him a quick teasing kiss, “that’s not fair.” He groaned, chasing your lips when you pulled away. “Sorry, bub, I never said I played fair, and I happen to think you like it a bit more this way.” You smirked, stepping out of his hold. He pouted at you, looking absolutely ridiculous with a pout surrounded by his bushy beard. “Love you!” You shouted, laughing as you took off down the hall, hearing him counting down, you grinned as you heard his feet rushing up behind you. “No!” You shrieked, laughing hysterically when he grabbed you from behind, easily swinging you around as he swayed over to the bed.

“Told you.” He mumbled against your neck, chastely kissing you there, dropping you onto the bed, laughing when you gasped face falling into the mattress. He flipped you over, hovering over you, admiring the way your eyes shined as you looked up at him. “What?” You whispered, blushing under his gaze, “nothing, you’re just so cute.” He complimented, “and pretty, and smart, and funny.” He added, watching the way you sheepishly looked away. “Don’t hide from me.” He chastised, tilting you back by your chin. “Stop making me blush.” You whined, wrapping your arms around his neck, “never.” He grinned, allowing you to pull him down for a kiss. Before it could get too heated you pushed him off softly, “want to go swimming?” You asked, smiling softly, it was a scorcher out today, and the thought of getting into the pool and floating around with Jamie sounded relaxing. “Mhm, but doesn’t it sound better to stay up here, in bed.” He tried to persuade you, but you didn’t budge, “please, baby.” You mumbled, knowing he would give in from the way you were looking up at him. “Fine.” He grumbled, rolling off of you, watching as you stood up, tossing your shirt off over your head, “well that’s just rude.” He sat up in record time, smiling as you winked at him over your shoulder, mischief dancing in your eyes. You giggled to yourself, as you changed in the closet, not that it mattered, Jamie peeked his head in, smirking when you looked over as you slipped the straps of your bathing suit onto your shoulders. “You’re a perv.” You teased, approaching him, seeing he’d already slipped into his swim trunks, tattoos on full display.

“Only for you.” He winked, following you down the stairs, and out towards the pool. He immediately got into the water, splashing you teasingly as you walked in slowly, hair tied in a messy bun on the top of your head. “Sometime today, baby, you’re really testing my patience.” He groaned, floating around in the water as he watched you slowly sink into the water, your body covered by the black one piece, cut outs adorning your sides. “Aw, poor boy.” You quipped, swimming over to him, arms circling around his shoulders, his resting in your hips, “yeah, you should really take pity on me, my girlfriend is being a huge tease today.” He mumbled, hiding his face in your neck, leaving some sloppy kisses, “oh is she?” You mumbled, smirking against his shoulder as you rested your head against him, soaking up this one on one time, he squeezed your sides. “Doesn’t take much to get you going.” You commented, smiling when he laughed softly, floating around in the water, your legs wrapped around his waist. “How could it when I’ve got this beautiful girl hanging off of me?” He retorted, holding under your thighs, letting you lean back in his hold, “such a sweet talker.” You giggled, smiling wholeheartedly at him, toying with the hair at the nape of his neck. “Not really.” He tilted his head, smiling at you, splashing some water onto your shoulders as they already started turning pink under the sun. “I like it.” You shrugged, knowing sometimes he wondered if he treated you the way you wanted to be treated. “Hey, don’t get all shy on me now.” You mumbled, catching his lips, “you’re my flirty man, but you know when I’m not in the mood, and you drop it, and you let me cry on you, and you go swimming with me even though I was just teasing you. You take me to your games, you give the best hugs, and you love my family as much as your own.” You rambled, stopping when a grin etched onto his face. “Alright, alright, I get it, I love you.” He murmured, kissing you softly again, but this time you let it progress. “I love you too, now let’s get out of this pool, you’ve been patient enough.” “Thank god.”

Taglist: @softstarkey​ @kempe​ @wtfkie​ @mtkachuk​ @literarycharleton​

[gamergirl929]

A New Addition To The Family (Alyssa Naeher x Reader)

Anonymous Request: Yes! Requests are open!!! Alyssa Naeher and R??? R is pregnant with their child and Alyssa gets excited and protective over her, so when R goes to deliver the baby there are complications where she is bleeding out. Alyssa is freaking out and is scared of losing her and her baby. They both turn out fine and Alyssa just holds them a bit more tighter and shares how much she loves them. 🥰

You were tired, more than tired.

Your pregnancy hadn’t been an easy one and seeing as you were reaching the end of it, it was only getting harder and harder.

You smile softly when your wife pulls you close, her hands settling on your stomach as she sleeps.

Alyssa had been absolutely ecstatic when she found, at the World Cup, that the procedure had worked and you were pregnant, the goalie immediately dropping to her knees to kiss your stomach, in essence, telling the entire world that you were pregnant with her child.

You noticed a slight change in Alyssa after that, the woman even more protective than usual, growling at anyone who got too close, one of her hands resting on your tummy.

She’d even snarled at some of your teammates, but none took it to heart, knowing she was just being overprotective of your unborn child.

Needless to say, they were incredibly excited to be your child’s aunts, showering your unborn child with gifts, including tiny shoes and so many outfits you’d probably had enough for the little girl’s adolescent life.

The closer you got to your due date, the more anxious Alyssa got, the woman double checking, triple checking that the two of you would have everything you needing when you eventually went into labor.

Alyssa would ramble, checking off her list of things packed in the bag, money, snacks, extra chargers for your phone, the goalie had thought about any and everything, soon the small overnight bag became a duffel bag, Julie giggling when she saw it for the first time.

“Did she pack the whole house in there?” She’d laughed and you’d giggled, the goalie’s bottom lip jutted out in a pout.

You’d waddled over to her and pressed a kiss to her cheek, the goalie grinning, just as excited as you were for your daughter to be born.

                                                           ***

You snarl, teeth gritted as you leave the couch and waddle towards the front door, though before you can tug it open, Julie unlocks it with her key, another precaution just in case something happened while Alyssa was out and you needed help.

“No, no, no.” She tuts. “Sit down, I doubt you’re very comfortable.” The blonde smiles and you grimace, face scrunching up in pain.

“Contractions?” She asks and you nod.

“Alyssa already called the doctor, just to make sure, just like Pre-Labor.”

Julie grins.

“Of course, Alyssa did.” She giggles and you beam.

“She’s so anxious, she checks the overnight bag every night.” You nod to where it’s laying by the door and Julie’s eyes widen.

“It’s gotten bigger since the last time I was here... And I was here 24 hours ago.”

You grimace as you take a seat on the couch, flopping down with a groan.

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?” She asks and you shake your head, grimacing.

You open your mouth to speak, but then your eyes double in size, as do Julie’s when she sees the wet patch forming beneath you.

“Oh shit.” You mumble and Julie’s face pales.

“O-O-Ok-Okay... Co-Come on.” Julie flails, helping you towards your car while grabbing the overnight bag, quickly rushing out to the car and opening the door for you.

Julie dives into the driver’s seat and takes off, you groaning in pain in the passenger's seat.

“ALYSSA!” You yell and Julie swears under her breath before fumbling with her phone, slamming Alyssa’s number considering the goalie made her put it on speed dial.

She answers after the first ring.

“Julie is-

You let out a cry and Alyssa inhales sharply.

“Di-Did you get the overnight bag!? Is she okay?! What are you-

“LYS! We’re on our way to the hospital, meet us there.”

“Ok, ok, ok, ok... Hospital, yeah, on my way!”

                                                           ***

Julie is still on the phone by the time she literally runs into the hospital, barely remembering to put the car in park before sprinting inside to get help.

You groan loudly, brow furrowed in pain as a nurse tugs the car door open, the woman helping you into a wheelchair.

The nurse lists off instructions but you could honestly care less, encompassed by your pain.

“JJ...” You grimace, reaching for the blonde who takes your hand, running along beside you, heading towards the back, literally throwing her keys at the young valet who barely catches them.

“Don’t leave me.” You cry and Julie nods.

“I won’t, I won’t.”

                                                           ***

Alyssa sprints into the emergency room, eyes frantically searching the waiting room, the woman scoffing when she sees Kelley, Christen, Tobin, Alex, Ashlyn, Ali, Megan, Lindsey, Sonnett and Tierna.

“How the hell did you beat me here??” She asks and Kelley shrugs.

“We were just in the neighborhood.”

Alyssa shakes her head before sprinting to the counter, rambling your name off anxiously before she’s guided into the back, hearing your cries the closer she gets to your room.

She pushes the door open, realizing your legs are already in the stirrups, Julie’s hand in yours.

“There you are.” The blonde sighs, wrenching her hand from yours so Alyssa can take her place, the blonde literally sweating.

“I’ll be in the waiting room, okay?” She asks and you nod, grimacing in pain.

Julie makes her way into the waiting room, covered in sweat, her blue orbs widening when she sees a number of your teammates in the waiting room.

“How in the hell are you here?” She asks in disbelief and Emily shrugs.

“We were just... In the area...”

Julie’s eyes narrow and Christen squeal, clapping her hands giddily.

“I’m so excited.”

Julie’s eyes are still narrowed, her teammates shrugging.

“I mean, it was getting pretty close to Y/N’s due date and we were just... Around?” Kelley shrugs and Julie snorts.

“You literally were in town waiting, weren’t you?”

They all scoff over exaggeratedly before they all huff.

“Yes.”

                                                           ***

“Come on Y/N, you just have to push.” Alyssa holds your hand tightly as you groan, sweat running down your face.

“Push Y/N! I can see her head!” The doctor smiles, her smile dropping a split second later.

“She’s hemorrhaging!”

Alyssa’s world stops as she looks down at you, your Y/E/C orbs full of tears as the doctor barks orders, the nurses rushing around.

“Y/N...” Alyssa leans down and you turn to her, face scrunched up in pain. “Y/N, come on it’s going to be okay.” She cups your cheeks and you nod.

“One more push!” The doctor yells and you nod, pushing with all your might, your daughter’s cries filling the room.

You chuckle, Alyssa beaming when she leans down to press a kiss to your forehead.

“You did it baby, she’s here, she’s here.” Alyssa sniffles, her eyes filling with tears.

You pant heavily, the doctors still working to stop the excessive bleeding, but they quickly reign it in, giving Alyssa the opportunity to cut the cord.

You open your arms, the doctor passing you your crying baby girl, the baby immediately silencing in your hold.

Alyssa sniffles, placing a hand on the baby’s back, the little girl cuddling against your chest.

The goalie’s arms wrap around the both of you, holding you both as tightly as she can.

“I love you guys.” She whispers, kissing the top of your head and you grin.

“I love you too.”

Alyssa looks down at the little girl in your arms lovingly, the little girl opening her Y/E/C orbs for the first time before smiling loving up at you.

“I love her already.” She whispers and you giggle, looking down at the little girl with nothing but pure love.

“I love her too... So much.”

[managedmischiefs]

chapter eighteen

genre: angst

warnings: prison, solitary confinement, kidnapping, ptsd, hospitals, car accident (no description, just mentions), Cat Adams, allusions to sexual assault

word count: 12.4k (sorry friends)

summary: amelia comes to terms with spencer coming home. spencer needs to save his mom and catch scratch. it's too much for 24 hours.

pairing: season 12 spencer reid x oc

AMELIA

Being woken up by banging at my door was not how I expected my day to start. I'd barely even slept. All my friends came over to my apartment when I told them I needed support, and we wound up staying up until the early hours of the morning watching tv.

But Frankie shook me awake, telling me that someone had been knocking on the door for a few minutes and they weren't going away. I pushed Frankie away at first, murmuring for him to answer it himself.

"Lia," Jenna took her turn in shaking my shoulder, "it's Penelope and JJ! You have to open it. Go."

And so I pushed myself off the couch, falling onto my knees but dragging myself away from my sleepy group of friends. Penelope and JJ burst in the door as soon as I opened it, and in the past, the tear stains on their cheeks would have made me panic. But they're smiling and hugging me and grabbing my hands and the excitement confused me but didn't make me wonder what happened to Spencer.

"We're going to get him." Penelope blurted out, holding my shoulders too tightly and beaming at me and JJ. "You didn't want updates so I didn't give you any but now that we know about Lindsay and that she drugged Reid, we found evidence that put her in Mexico and we also found partial prints and we got them to a judge just in time and she agreed to release Reid!"

"It's over, Amelia, he's coming home," JJ added, pulling me into another too-tight hug.

I didn't believe them. Penelope and JJ seemed elated and ready to bring me to the prison, and even my friends gave me hugs when I moved back towards the living room for my shoes. But it didn't seem real. It didn't seem like reality. Almost five months without Spencer and receiving bad news after bad news after bad news, I should have believed that all of a sudden he's coming home? It wasn't possible.

The girl's ushered me upstairs and told me to change as quickly as I could. And if I believed them, maybe I would have dressed better. Maybe I would have throw on a dress and my signature boots and put my hair up and thrown in my piercings and slapped a smile on my face. Maybe I would've made myself look presentable. But none of this seemed real and so I didn't even care. I just threw on a new pair of pajamas and my glasses and ran my fingers through the knots in my hair. When I returned to the girls downstairs, I just grabbed my backpack and shrugged.

"I'm gonna take my own car," I had picked my car keys up from the bowl as we left my apartment. I insisted that I wanted to drive my own car and not ride with the girls and Luke, but Penelope insisted that she drive my car. Something about me maybe not being in the right mindset to drive. I didn’t have the energy to argue. So she snatched the keys out of my hand and dragged me to my car, making sure I got in the passenger seat, and then drove off.

The silence loomed over us as she drove and I just stared out the window at the passing sights. I tried to keep my breathing regulated and my tears at bay. A few slipped out and rolled down my cheeks but I didn't let them stay for long, I couldn't let that type of weakness linger.

"Hey," Penelope eventually broke the silence, "why aren't you more excited? Spencer's coming home."

I shook my head, biting down on my lip. "Because I don't believe it."

"You don't believe it?" She asked, glancing over at me. "We’re going there now, Amelia. Going to go get him."

"Penelope." I turned to her, my throat tightened to stop the flood gates from opening. "Every time I came to the BAU, there was some horrible news waiting for me. Spencer's arrested, Spencer's going to prison, Spencer's trial was pushed back, Spencer got beat up, Spencer stabbed himself to get into solitary confinement. I know you guys are amazing at your jobs, you're the absolute best at your jobs and I'm sorry if I'm being harsh, but I'm not gonna believe it when you and JJ come knocking on my door on a random Wednesday morning to tell me that Spencer is coming home after he basically tried to start a fight with someone in prison. I'm not getting my hopes up."

Penelope didn't say anything after my tantrum. She just kept her eyes forward and she drove, and when the prison finally came into view, I had to look away. I had bitched and moaned and cried and screamed about Spencer not putting me on his visitor list but as I finally laid eyes on the building where Spencer was being trapped and tortured, I knew I'd never be able to step foot inside. I knew I couldn't force myself into a building where Spencer went through the worst moments in his life.

"I can't go in," I said to Penelope, and she didn't even ask why. She didn't ask why, she didn't try to convince me to go in, she didn't complain.

The three of them rushed inside the prison and I was left in the parking lot. I eventually migrated outside my car, leaning against the driver’s side and staring up at the clouds. I couldn't see any shapes at that moment. I wonder if Spencer was able to see any yet. The last time I'd asked, he couldn't. I wonder if he could look up at the sky and see a hair bow or a tree or a bird.

Time ticked on, and on, and on, and my heart sank closer and closer to my feet. I knew it was too good to be true. They went in there to get Spencer and now they won't let him out. Why else would it have taken so long? How long does it take to get someone out of prison? Surely not the hour and a half that I stood out in the cold, trying to bring my sweater closer around my body to keep me warm.

I just stared at the clouds and wished with every fiber of my being that this would be over soon so I could go home and curl up in bed. I didn't want to be trapped in my stuffy car, or stranded at this horrible prison, or anywhere near the BAU team.

I reached into my pocket, pulling out Spencer's sobriety medallion. There was never a day that I left my apartment without it. I traveled every single step with it on my body. It didn't serve the same purpose to me that it would for a recovering addict, but it did do something similar. It reminded me that Spencer would come home to me. Every time I looked down at the circular metal, at the engraved N on the back, it reminded me that whether it be tomorrow, or next month, or next year, or next decade, Spencer would come home to me. He would, like he promised so many times that he would, remember to keep going north and he would come home. He would do what he believes is right and he would come home to me in one piece.

I twirled the cold metal in my hand and tapped my foot, waiting for this torture to be over. And maybe it was privileged of me to have that thought. I had all the privilege in the world to be sitting outside of a prison with car keys in my hand and a car full of gas that could take me anywhere, while my boyfriend was trapped inside, wasting away and serving time for a crime that he didn't commit while serial killers roam free and taunt the BAU with what they've done.

When you're younger, you memorize the sounds of your family members. I could always tell by the sound of a set of keys if it was my mom or my dad walking in the front door. By the pressure and amount of knocks, I could tell if it was my brother coming into my bedroom to play or my dad coming to hit me. I could always tell who was screaming louder downstairs by the frequency, and I quickly learned who was my mother and who was my father, even if their voices were muffled.

I only started to cry when I heard footsteps. I heard Penelope's heels clicking against the pavement from a mile away, but the moment I heard Spencer's dress shoes against the pavement, I relaxed and let the tears fall. I'd heard him wear those shoes for the entirety of our relationship and I knew the sounds of those just as well as the sound of my own voice. That was the moment that I knew it was real. This was happening. It was over. He was coming home and I would have him in my arms again.

He didn't say anything for what seemed like the longest time. Even as I sniffled and wiped my tears, he just stood and stared. I knew that the moment I looked at him, I would lose it, but not exactly how. I'd yelled and I'd cried and I'd lost my cool at the team, but how would I react towards Spencer? Would I do the same? I was pissed at him, that's for sure. I was pissed and hurt and scared and angry, and I wanted nothing more than to scream at him for putting me through this pain and for leaving me by myself for so long.

But I knew that I'd give anything to hug him, to kiss him, to comfort him, to have him in my arms. I wanted to cry and tell him that, despite his mother's abduction, he's safe. He doesn't have to fight for his life anymore and he doesn't have to watch his back. I just wanted to love him endlessly. But I didn't want to look at him. I didn't want to see what he looked like and face what he had been through and see the physical effects. So I kept my eyes up at the clouds, searching for clouds that I could distinguish to be a shape.

He moved closer and I swear, I could've screamed. Screamed, why? I'm not sure. My chest was so tight, I needed to get some sort of emotion out. But I just clutched the medallion as tightly as I could and zeroed in on a cloud that could possibly, maybe, only a little bit look like a square.

"I'm sorry," he said, but I had no clue what he was apologizing for. Honestly, there are so many things. Was he sorry for approaching me? Was he sorry for going to prison? Was he sorry for getting arrested? Was he sorry for going to Mexico? Was he sorry for bringing his mother to live with him? There are so many things that, in Spencer's mind, he could apologize for. Why now? But I still didn't look at him. "I tried to see dinosaurs and cars and lamps like you told me about, but I couldn't. I need you to teach me how to see shapes in the clouds because I can't do it without you, baby."

The fucking clouds. He apologized for not seeing shapes in the fucking clouds. He apologized because of one conversation we had after I dragged him to the park after he came home from a rough case. But somehow, I understood what he meant by it. He thought that he failed me and that he disappointed me because of this whole ordeal. Not being able to see a fucking dinosaur in the cloud is just a metaphor for his inability to keep himself out of harm’s way and out of Scratch's way. But I never saw it like that, and I wish he knew that.

And in my horrible effort to silently communicate to him that he didn't need to apologize, I looked into his eyes. I love this man with all my heart, but he looked absolutely horrible. His hair was significantly longer than I remembered and looked like it hadn't been brushed in years, his facial hair, while I was right in predicting that it is undeniably sexy, was unkempt, and he had the darkest circles under his eyes that I'd ever seen. I'd seen him deprived of sleep before, but at that moment, I wondered if he ever actually closed his eyes for the duration of his stay in prison.

He reached out for me, and just when his fingers were about to brush the fabric of my coat, he retracted his hands. I wished he hadn't. I wished he grabbed me as tightly as he could the moment he walked over here and kissed me with every bit of strength he had left in his body. I trembled with desire, just needing to feel Spencer on me. But I didn't want to rush him. I knew he went through a lot in those walls and he was clearly a bit unhinged, and I didn't want to set him off.

"I--" he hesitated, it seemed, stumbling over his words. He gulped, choking back tears. I wanted to reach for him, to hold him, to kiss him, to hug him like I'd been craving to do for months on end. But I reminded myself to breathe through my tears and not accost him. "Lia, I need you."

That was all it took. We broke down after that. We broke down crying, and hugging, and kissing, the way we had both been longing to do so badly for months. It was an outpouring of love and emotions and tears and part of me thought that it still didn't even feel real. It was just a moment of relief and happiness before Spencer would be ushered back inside and stolen right from me again.

Even now, it doesn't seem real. Even now as JJ comes to put her hands on our shoulders and grins at us, telling us that the other three are going to head back to the BAU. Penelope and Luke give us hugs and head back to the SUV, leaving Spencer and me alone again.

It doesn't feel real as I pull my keys out of my pocket, turning to my boyfriend with a slightly tired smile. "I know I shouldn't try to convince you to go home and shower, or change, or just-- go home and rest."

Spencer gives me a tight-lipped smile, shaking his head no. "I know you want me home, but I gotta get my mom back."

"I know. I knew that answer already. Get in," I gesture to the passenger side of my car and climb in, starting the engine. I watch the SUV pull away in front of us and put my car into drive, double-checking that Spencer has buckled his seat belt before I pull away from the prison. I catch Spencer's eyes lingering on the building as we pull away, and I wish I could know what's going on in his head. "Hey," I whisper, and his head slowly turns to me, "it's over, dove. You don't have to go back ever again."

Spencer starts to nod but his gaze travels out the window again. The silence in the car thickens and it makes me nervous. It scares me, to be honest. I've heard stories about inmates being institutionalized, but I have no idea what that means. I know of the major events that happened to Spencer in prison but I don't know what he saw, or experienced, or what's going on in his head. I don't know if he's changed and I don't know if he's stayed exactly the same. But if I'm getting the answer based on this car ride, I would bet that he's changed exponentially. Spencer always filled our car rides with stories and facts and statistics. We've never had a silent car ride.

"Amelia?" He's, surprisingly, the one who breaks the silence. "Um--"

"Yeah?" I encourage him to keep talking, looking over at him when I stop at a red light.

Spencer looks down at his lap, fiddling with one of the cuff links on his jacket. "This seems sort of, um, silly, I guess, but, um, could you, um--"

"Lovey, just ask. You don't need to be afraid," I turn my head to him and smile. I try not to let my mind wander off and question how maybe smiles he's seen lately. I try not to let my mind wander off and question how many times he hasn't been afraid lately.

Spencer chews on his bottom lip as he stares back at me, still wondering if he should even ask what he wants to. And I'm not sure what it is that finally calms him enough to ask, but he nods after a moment. "Could you, um, if you could still drive, could you, just, hold my hand?"

It's such a simple request. It's a question that, in the past, would have never even needed to have been asked. Spencer would have just reached over and grabbed my hand at a red light without asking. Maybe he would have kissed me too, and he probably would have even had his hand on my thigh by now. But now he seems so hesitant to touch me, and I don't know if I want to know if it's my fault or his fault.

I retract my right hand from the steering wheel and hold it out to him. "Of course. You know you don't need to ask, Spence."

Spencer nods wordlessly, intertwining our fingers and dropping our hands into his lap. He holds them there, staring straight forward when I start to drive again. I soon feel his other hand covering my knuckles and it brings goosebumps to my skin.

"You got another tattoo," he observes, and then runs his pointer finger over the black ink, "and it's for me."

"I got it after your court hearing," I say softly because even though he brought up the tattoo, I don't necessarily want to bring up things like his arrest and when he was sentenced to go to jail. "Everyone came out to tell me what happened and I just dragged Penelope out and got it done right away. I wanted a reminder of you."

Spencer lifts our entwined hands, pressing his lips to the back of my hand. "I love it." His lips are soft and warm and I never want him to pull away, but then I remind myself that his kisses aren't going anywhere. He's out of prison and he's not leaving me again and he's coming home.

I glance down at our hands and a small smile comes to my face. But he doesn't say anything else and he just moves his gaze back out the window. So I keep driving and I don't say anything else until we arrive at the building where I've spent all of my time lately.

I'm starting to break again as I throw my car into park, leaning my one hand against the steering wheel as I choke back a new wave of tears. "Spencer," my voice cracks pathetically, and I can't even bring myself to look at him, "they're gonna find your mom, and everything's gonna be okay."

"You don't know that," Spencer scoffs and he drops my hand from his grasp. "She's been taken by serial killers who put me in prison just because they wanted to have some excitement in their lives. They could--" he shutters, digging the heel of his hand into his eye, "they could just kill her and-- and-- I'll never see her again."

When I look over at him, something just makes me realize how much he's changed, but I'm not sure what. Maybe it's how he's speaking to me and how he let go of my hand. Spencer never used to let go of my hand if he had the chance to hold it. He would always be making some sort of physical contact with me. I see how he's changed in the way his hair curls, and the way his suit lays on his broader shoulders, and the way his eyes dart across the new environment he's moved into. I suddenly don't even know how to talk to him. I suddenly don't even think I should be in the same car as him, sitting next to him, and then more tears are streaming down my cheeks as those horrible thoughts come to mind.

I tug the keys out of the ignition and reach for the door handle. "Ready to go in?" And without another word or a glance towards me, Spencer pulls open the passenger door and strides towards the entrance.

I always thought that when Spencer got out of prison, it would be an absolute relief. I thought once we cried and hugged and kissed, we would spend some time with the team, and then I'd be able to take him home. I'd be able to take him home and shower him in love and tell him how much I missed him and how much I love him and start dishing out all the affection he missed out the last few months.

I didn't think that he'd hug the team for two seconds upon his return to the BAU, and then they'd go running off in their kevlars. We had gone to his apartment to grab a few things but that was a quick stop and we came right back.

I didn't think that my first day back with Spencer would consist of me watching him pace insistently in the round table room. But here I am, sitting with my legs crossed in the of the rolling chairs while Spencer mumbles to himself and walks the length of the room, back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. It's making me crazy, honestly, and he's never paced before. I've always hated pacing. But I know he's anxious about his mom and there's nothing I can do to help.

"Spence?" He barely even acknowledges when I say his name. "Spencer," I say his name a bit sharper, and that's when he stops pacing and looks at me. His hair is disheveled and his eyes are swollen from how he keeps rubbing them.

I beckon him over with a slight wave of my hand, turning the chair beside me towards him. Spencer's chest deflates at my simple and silent request and that hurts, but nonetheless, he throws his body into the seat beside me. "What do you need?" He forces the question out, trying to sound somewhat polite despite his utter panic and stress.

I reach into my pocket and pull out his medallion, staring down at it for a moment before handing it over to him. "I've been carrying it around with me since you got arrested. Haven't taken a step without it in my pocket. Maybe it'll help to, I don't know, ground you? Maybe it won't help at all but I figured it wouldn't hurt you to have it right now."

Spencer reaches forward the grab the medallion from me, and when his fingers brush against mine, it sends a shock up my arm. Gosh, it's like we're touching for the first time all over again. He stares down at it, flipping it around in his fingers a few times before he lets out a long breath.

"Amelia," he practically whimpers, and the sound hurts more than his hostility. He makes a fist around the medallion around me and looks up at me, his eyes rimmed red. "Will you hold me?"

I quickly scramble out of my chair and onto Spencer's lap, wrapping my arms around his neck and resting my head on his chest. We sit like that forever, it seems, just waiting for any word from the team or for them to arrive back here. Spencer stays silent though and just holds my waist, his forehead resting against my shoulder. We stay so still and so silent that I fall asleep in Spencer's embrace. After all, I was woken up at the crack of dawn after a late night with wine and my friends.

I'm shaken awake, though, when Spencer quickly ushers me off his lap and back into the chair I was previously in. He's on his feet in a minute, spewing out a million questions to the team that is filing in with their kevlars still on.

"Where's my mom?" He asks hastily, glancing around the room. When nobody gives him an immediate answer, he slams his hands against the table with every bit of strength he has, and the force is enough to jolt me completely awake and alert. "Tell me! Where is my mom? Is she dead?" I stand, placing my hand on Spencer's arm, but he quickly and easily shakes it off. "Don't touch me!" He shouts, barely even looking at me before returning his attention to his team. "Where's my mom?!"

Everyone in the room is utterly shocked by his explosive behavior, especially me. I'm so shocked that I cower away from him, all the way until my back hits the wall and I'm across the room from him. But nobody pays any mind to me, they're all staring at Spencer.

"Spence, she wasn't there," Emily speaks first, quietly and gently. "We have reason to believe that she's okay, but, um, we got more insight from the house that we need to tell you about. And Amelia, I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to ask you to leave."

I don't need to be asked twice. I flee from the conference room. I tangle my fingers in my curls and hurry down the ramp, falling into the chair at Spencer's desk, pulling my knees up to my chest again. I pull in deep breaths through my nose and close my eyes, trying to forget the image of Spencer yelling at me and rejecting my comfort.

He's never, ever yelled at me like that. We've been together for two and a half years now and in the two years that we were physically together, we never fought. And in the times that we argued, it was over little things. We argued over missed dates and forgotten chores and broken household items. But Spencer never once raised his voice at me like that and he never pushed me away from him.

I don't know how to deal with him. I've only been in his presence for two hours, at most, and I've already had countless moments of confusion and bafflement. He's different. I should have expected that. But he's so different and I don't know how to help him. I don't know how to calm him down and what I'm supposed to say to him to remind him that he's safe. Am I supposed to say anything at all?

I only lift my head when I start to hear shouting. My eyes dart back towards the conference room where it seems like the team is arguing all amongst each other, shedding their kevlars and throwing them aside. Their anger seems to be mostly towards Emily, but then it momentarily turns to Spencer when he starts speaking, and then it's back to Emily. Rossi is pacing, Penelope is on the verge of tears, and the rest of the team just looks outraged. But oddly enough, Spencer looks calm. He's looked calm this whole time.

And then he lets his gaze linger out to me. He lets himself look out of the conference room to my curled up body, watching helplessly from the outside as the team argues over a matter I can't be involved in. His face softens and even from here, I can see that he sighs. I try to muster up some sort of smile, one that's surely weak and not comforting in the slightest. But at least I offer him something other than crime and arguing.

Spencer turns away from his team and leaves the conference room, taking his time in wandering over to me. I watch his every step, wondering what is going on and why everyone is so up in arms. Maybe I don't even want to know. I'm sure it will just make me mad anyways, especially if it's making Penelope so upset.

Spencer gets to his desk and leans against the edge beside me, breathing out a sigh that's tense and rigid. "I, um--" he clears his throat, putting his hands in his lap and looking down at them, "I'm sorry I yelled at you like that."

I nod at him, reaching forward to wiggle my fingers into his intertwined hands, and he resists at first but lets me hold his hand after a moment. "It's okay, dove. What's going on?"

"Do you remember," he keeps his gaze away from me, "when we first went cloud watching?"

I furrow my eyebrows at him, cocking my head to the side. "Uh, of course I do. We went on a picnic after you had a hard case."

"Do you remember the case?" He asks next like he’s trying to draw out his questions to avoid what he really needs to tell me, and his grip on my hand gets tighter.

"Vaguely," I murmur. "You had to go on a date with a hitwoman and pose as a married man who wanted to kill his pregnant wife. What does that have to do with this? I thought she was in prison, Spence."

"She is," Spencer starts to nod continuously and breaks one of his hands away to rub up and down my arm, a stiff attempt at comfort. "She orchestrated this from prison. Scratch was never involved apparently. She had an accomplice in the free world who did all her dirty work for her, but she ultimately called all the shots. It was her, Amelia," he sighs, and when his hand stops moving, I hear him sniffle. "When the team went to that house just before, they found a message from Cat, she's the hitwoman. She said that if I want my mom back, then I have to go and talk to her."

My eyes widen at his words, and I'm utterly stunned. "What?"

"Me and JJ are leaving in ten minutes. I just came to say goodbye to you, and to tell you I'll be back in a few hours," Spencer never meets my eye. He hasn't this whole time and I don't know if I prefer it that way.

"No!" I exclaim, ripping my hand away from his. The action stuns him and he reaches for me as I pull away, but I'm already standing. "You have to go back to prison? Absolutely not! You just spent three months locked up and going through hell! Send someone else! There's a whole team in that room that's just as smart as you and they can deal with her. I'm not letting you go waltzing right back into prison!"

I turn on my heel and go bounding towards the conference room, but I feel Spencer hot on my heels. He grabs my arm before I can get too far, holding me back. "I know you're upset about this and it's not ideal, but I have to do this to get my mom back."

I turn to him, my eyes filled with tears that I refuse to let fall. "Send someone else." I hiss through my clenched teeth.

"We can't," Spencer responds, and when I try to get out of his grasp, he holds me tighter. "It has to be me. She wants to play her stupid game. I've outsmarted her before and I can do it again--"

"I know you can outsmart her!" I exclaim, pushing his chest, sending him stumbling back a few steps. Our yelling brings the team out of the conference room to check on us but they don't intervene. They just watch us standing on the ramp. They watch me break down for the millionth time.

Spencer groans, running his hands through his unruly hair. "Lia, I--"

"I know you can outsmart her, Spencer!" I shout, hot tears streaming down my cheeks and down my neck, wetting the collar of my tank top. "That's not what I'm worried about! I know that you're smart enough to outsmart every goddamn serial killer that gets on your radar. I've known that since the moment I met you. But I don't--" I choke my words, bringing my hands up to cover my mouth.

I've admitted my feelings to Jenna and to Penelope and somewhat to Dave, but I haven't gotten the chance to speak to Spencer. I haven't been able to tell him how I spent every single moment of his incarceration in fear for his life. Now, I know he had it worse because he was actually experiencing it, but I was in the dark. I couldn't see him and I couldn't talk to him. I was only getting secondhand information from a team of profilers who could have lied to me with ease.

"I can't-" I drop my hands and breathe in a long breath, but it doesn't do anything to slow my rapidly beating heart. "I've spent three fucking months walking around and not being able to see you. I spent three months crying and screaming and cursing the universe for putting you through such intense pain that you don't deserve, because you deserve the motherfucking world, Spencer! And now you just wanna go right back to prison and face some psycho who landed you in a place that had you beat and broken and taken away from me. So I'm sorry that I don't want you to go," I pause again, just staring at Spencer's face. He's giving me a blank face that I can't entirely read. He's never looked at me like this. "I'm sorry that I don't want you to go back to a place that has clearly traumatized you and I'm sorry that I just want to have you here, in my arms so I can hold you and promise you that everything is going to be okay. I'm sorry, okay?"

I push past Spencer and go running off, furiously wiping at my cheeks, but it's a useless attempt. The tears won't stop and I know that. My monologue was also another useless attempt and I know that too. Spencer is going to do absolutely anything in his power to get his mother back. And if that means going to see a serial killer in prison who's clearly obsessed with him, then he'll do it. He's always been that selfless and I used to admire that. But right now I just wish he would listen to me for once.

I throw myself into one of the interview rooms and curl up on the couch, sobbing into my hands. I've just gotten my Spencer back and now he's leaving me to go back to prison. He's getting taken away from me yet again and, after three months of psychological torture, he needs to outsmart a serial killer to save his mother. Can he handle that? He could barely handle asking me to hold his hand in the car. Can he handle a criminally sophisticated serial killer?

The door opens slowly and quietly and then I hear the sounds of Spencer's shoes again. They're dense and heavier than I remember them to be a few months ago. I'm covering my eyes with my hands but I hear him sit down beside the couch I'm on and then his hand reaches out to push my hair behind my ears. My curls bounce back into my face and it makes Spencer chuckle, and that simple sound makes my heart flutter. I want to hear his full-fledged, loud, obnoxious, unhinged, head-tossed-back laugh. I'd do anything to hear that.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, pushing my hair back again and holding his hand on the back of my head. "I know you're unhappy, and I know you're upset and worried and panicked and that you missed me. And I--" he scoots closer to the couch, resting his chin against the cushion, his face right in front of my covered one, "I don't want any of this to be happening either. I wanna go home and finally sleep, and eat something good, and just hold you and-- and cry out my emotions. But I can't do that. I need to do everything I can to save my mom right now. JJ is going to the prison with me and she's gonna make sure everything goes smoothly."

I drag my hands down my face, revealing my tear-stained face to him. Spencer gives me a sad smile, using his free hand to wipe my tears. "Baby?" I whisper.

He hums softly in response, and for a moment, the old him starts to shine through. His tender touch and his soft smile remind me of the person he was. It reminds me of the times we would lay on the couch at night, tangled in a blanket as we eat take-out. Or the times we sit on a freezing cold balcony and shares stories of our days. Or the times we would meet every morning at the same cafe and I could send him off to work with a kiss and a pinky promise to return home safely. This moment gives me just a little bit of hope that the old him is still in him, and that it's just buried deep down.

"Are you gonna be allowed to have your phone?" I murmur, and Spencer nods a tiny bit in response. "Will you just-- can you call me if you need me? I'll keep my phone on me with the ringer on. I know you'll be busy but if you need me, just call me. Even if you just wanna hear my voice, don't hesitate."

Spencer smiles, and I swear, it's the most beautiful sight I've seen in my life. "Of course. I'll always need you, sweetheart."

I grab the hand that's on my face and bring his knuckles to my lips. "I love you so, so much, okay? You got this, dove."

Spencer moves our hands and presses his lips to mine in a gentle kiss. "I love you too. I'm gonna be back as soon as I possibly can be. But, uh, before I leave, can you just do one more thing for me?"

I sit up and look down at him on his knees, running my fingers over his jawline. "Anything."

Spencer reaches into his suit jacket and pulls out a thin, black sharpie. "It's a weird request, I know. But, that tattoo on your hand, could you draw it on me?"

I raise my eyebrows, glancing down at my hand, a small smile playing on my lips. "Seriously?" He nods, thrusting the sharpie in my hand. "Sure, of course. I wouldn't imagine you want it on your hand, where I have it. On your arm? Just on your forearm?" I gesture to my Starry Night tattoo right under the crook of my elbow, for a reference of placement. Spencer starts to push up his jacket and sleeve, leaving me room to draw an identical symbol to the one on my hand. "Spence, you won't even be able to see it."

"I know," he mumbles, watching me draw the little N, "but you can't see the butterfly on the back of your arm. But you know it's there and it makes you think of your mom. I know this is here and it'll make me think of you."

I cap the sharpie and toss it aside, smiling at him. "Be safe, Spencer," I grab his cheeks again, stroking his skin with my thumbs. "You're smarter than her, you know you are. I meant what I said before. You can outsmart every single serial killer out there and you've already outsmarted this one. You can do it again."

He searches my face for something, but I can't quite tell for what. He reaches for my waist, squeezing tightly. Spencer takes in a long breath and closes his eyes. "Please tell me you love me," he whimpers.

"Oh, my darling," I lean forward and rest my forehead against his, closing my eyes too, sinking onto his lap so our bodies can be as close as possible, "Spencer Reid, I love you with every fiber of my being. I love you more than I love myself. My heart beats for you, Spencer. Please, don't ever forget that. I love you and I'll say it until I'm blue in the face. It'll be the first thing I tell you in the morning and the last thing I tell you at night. I just-- I love you."

Spencer doesn't even respond to my second, yet equally dramatic, monologue of the day, but he just presses his lips to mine. The kiss is the fervent and needy we've shared, but that's what we need right now. This is how I would have kissed Spencer if I had the chance to kiss him goodbye before he went away to prison, and even though I know he's going to come back to me, I have so much time to make up for and I need to start now.

"Say it back," I murmur against his lips, turning my head and kissing him again. "Say it back and promise me that you're gonna come back to me in one piece,"

Spencer wraps his arms as tight as he can around my waist and draws me even closer to his body. "I'm gonna come home to you, just like I am right now, I promise," he presses one more long kiss to my lips before pulling away breathlessly. "I love you."

///

"Amelia," Penelope comes bursting into the interview room I never left, a smile on her face, "Spencer and JJ are on their way up."

I jump to my feet, following her out, walking beside her to the elevator. "Is Diana okay?" I ask quickly, pausing beside her when we reach the doors.

"Yeah, Diana is, you know, physically okay. The team got there and we did our magic and Lindsay betrayed Cat and gave up Diana and the team is on their way back with her now," Penelope throws her arms around me, weeping with joy. "Amelia, it's all over. Diana is safe, Spencer is home, everyone is good. It's over."

I sigh into her shoulder, smiling. "Yeah, it's over."

"Whoa, I wanna join in this hug!" We hear JJ's voice from the elevator, and in just a second, she's joined our hug and thrown her arms around the two of us. We laugh, hugging her waist and accepting her into our circle. "Oh, I love you girls. And I can't wait for when things settle down and we can get Tara and Emily and Lisa and Monica and all go out for a girls night. But for now, Amelia, go get him."

I lift my head and I immediately lay eyes on Spencer. He's sitting on the floor beside the glass doors of the bullpen, knees pulled up to his chest and his sobriety medallion in his hand. I give a smile to the girls and unravel from them, heading over to my solemn boyfriend.

I sit on the floor between his bent legs and cross my own legs, grabbing his free hand and intertwining our fingers. He barely even responds to my touch and he just keeps his eyes on the floor. I reach forward and tuck my fingers under his chin, lifting his gaze until it reaches mine. His eyes look dull and he's truly never looked more exhausted. I thought he looked utterly exhausted when he got out of prison this morning, but now it's the middle of the night and he's been working and stressed all day, and the exhaustion is settling in.

His eyes meet mine and I try to give him a smile. "I'm proud of you," I tell him. "I knew you could do it. You saved your mom."

Spencer just stares at me for a moment before he looks down again, and when he shifts his body a bit, my hand falls from his chin. "It was really hard," he whispers. "She was working with one of the correctional officers at my prison, and he managed to get my FBI file with confidential information in it."

"I'm sorry," I whisper back, placing my hands on his knees. "I'm sure that--"

"And she brought you up," he blurts out. "You're in my file because we've been together for an extended time so you’re required to be in there for protection purposes and she brought up your name and I just-- I like, I freaked out. She spoke so horribly about you. She said terrible things about you to throw me off but she doesn't even know you! How could she say those things?" He rambles on, getting more and more worked up.

"Sweetheart," I keep my voice quiet and calm, "you just said it yourself. She was saying it to throw you off. She doesn't know me. She knows absolutely nothing about me. You surely don't think I'm horrible and terrible and that's all that matters. So ignore what she thinks, okay? She's a psychopath."

Spencer looks up at me with red eyes. "She's pregnant." He states a bit too abruptly. "She told me the baby was mine to try to get me to break.”

My eyes widen. "Excuse me?"

"And she tried to tell me that when Lindsay dosed me in Mexico, that Lindsay, you know--" Spencer gulps, "got my DNA. And Cat tried to tell me that she had Lindsay pose as you to get me in the mood."

"But that's not true. That didn't happen," I shake my head, moving closer to him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders. Spencer buries his face in my neck, hugging my waist.

"But I have no way of knowing that. I'm still missing time. She still might have tried to do that. Lindsay might have posed as you," Spencer whimpers and that's a sound that will always break my heart.

"Spencer, listen to me," I pull away again and hold his face in my hands with a delicate grasp. "Cat's ass is still in prison. Lindsay's ass is on her way to life in prison. You're out of prison and you're going to be able to live the rest of your life as a free man. And you saved your moms life and you're about to see her. Those women are out of your life forever, okay? I know it's really hard, but you should try to not even think about them," a small smirk comes to my face. "The only woman you should be thinking about is me."

Spencer chuckles lightly, shaking his head. "You're incredible."

I hold my hands out in a shrug, grinning. "Which is why I should be the only woman you have on your mind. And also the only woman you're having babies with. Spence, we'd have the cutest babies."

He laughs again and lets his head fall back against the wall, staring me up and down. "We would have some cute kids, wouldn't we?"

"The absolute cutest! Genius babies who can read eighty thousand books a day while painting a landscape with their right hand and drawing a bowl of fruit with their left hand. And they--"

"They're here!" Penelope exclaims, running out of the bullpen and waving her phone in the air. "Emily just said they parked and they're coming for the elevator!"

Spencer jumps up to his feet without a second thought or hesitation, and with a second thought, he holds out his hand to help me off the floor. And I keep my hold on that hand, squeezing tightly. JJ and Penelope move to either side of us, and when the elevator doors pop open, I feel Spencer's body tense up.

It's obvious that as Diana steps out of the elevator, she doesn't recognize Spencer. She doesn't recognize any of us, even though JJ has visited her many times and I've visited Diana countless times over the years I've been dating Spencer. And so I squeeze his hand tighter but I know that this is not how he wanted this to go. He wanted to just hug his mom and get the physical affection that he didn't really get as a kid. But she isn't lunging at him and now he's starting to tremble in my embrace.

Emily leans over to Diana and whispers, "It's Spencer," and that's all it takes. Diana looks once more at her son before gasping and the moment she does, Spencer releases my hand and throws his arms around her.

It's the most relieved I've seen him since before this entire ordeal, and I can confidently say it's also the most relieved I've been. I see Spencer smile over Diana's shoulder, his eyelids squeezed shut. "Hi, Mom."

The team starts to disperse to give them their space and to relax after the ridiculously long day. I give everyone tight hugs, thanking them for all their hard work and giving half-assed apologies for how horrible I was acting towards them. I know that no apology will excuse how I acted while Spencer was incarcerated, but I have to try, right?

"Amelia," after a while, Diana comes to give me a hug, letting Spencer breathe for just a split second. "It's good to see you, honey."

"It's good to see you too," I hug her waist. "How are you feeling? Is there anything you need?"

Diana glances between the two of us, shaking her head slowly. "I'm just-- I'm tired,"

"Okay, Mom, well, why don't I get you back to my apartment so you can rest?" Spencer suggests, reaching to wrap his arm around her waist to support her weight.

Diana gives me a side-eye and I return her look. "Actually," she says, putting her hand on his shoulder, halting him from walking her towards the elevator, "Amelia and I had something we wanted to talk to you about."

Spencer narrows his eyes at me and when I wave the two along to one of the interview rooms, he doesn't put up a fight. Maybe he's too tired by now, or maybe he's genuinely interested in what we could possibly have to say. But either way, he ushers his mom onto a couch and then stands a few feet away as I fall into an armchair. He glances between the two of us, then crosses his arms protectively over his chest. "What's this about?"

Diana immediately looks to me to explain, clutching the cardigan around her shoulders. "Okay," I breathe out, turning my head to my confused and concerned boyfriend, "it's no secret that a lot of people, me included, were not fond of Diana living at home with you. So while you were away, I spent some time looking at facilities around here that would take Diana in, and there's one that's ten minutes away from here. I called them when you were working and they said that they would be happy to let Diana move in tonight."

"Spencer," Diana reaches for Spencer's hands and he happily gives them to her, "this is going to be good. I've always wanted to be close to you. This way, you can visit me more often and you don't have to spend money on flights and hotels. Maybe I can get out to see one of Amelia's art exhibits. I don't want any more experimental medicine, honey. I wanna be close to you and to be comfortable and to be happy."

Spencer pouts and he starts to tap his foot on the floor. He's nervous, and rightfully so. He's about to give his mom up again, right after she was abducted by a serial killer team. He looks from his mom to me, then back to his mom, and then to me again. "Did you go to the facility?"

"Yes, sweetheart. Me, Diana, and Cassie went a while ago and we all liked it," I tell him. "She'll be a ten minute drive and a six minute train ride away instead of a five hour plane ride. You can see her every single day if you wanted to."

"And," Diana grins, glancing between us, "when you two get married and have babies, I'll be right here to help you with it."

Spencer lets out a shaky breath, nodding his head hesitantly. "Okay. Let's go."

///

Spencer and I wave goodbye at Diana and then go heading off to my car, hopping in and I start the ignition. I let out a loud yawn, covering my mouth as I buckle my seatbelt. I feel Spencer's hand in my hair and it makes me smile, and as the ridiculously long day comes to a close, I find myself more and more excited to crawl into bed. And then upon further thought, I get even more excited to crawl into bed with Spencer at my side.

"Do you want me to drive?" Spencer asks, dragging his hand to my jawline. "You look exhausted."

"Oh, you should see yourself, bub," I quip, turning on my headlights. "I'll be fine. It's just a ten minute drive back home."

"Hey, wait," Spencer says, reaching for my hand on the wheel. I turn my head to him, smiling tiredly. "Um," he returns my tired smile, "I just wanted to say thank you for doing this. For, you know, finding a facility for my mom. It means a lot to me to know that you care so much about her."

"She's your mom, Spencer. Of course I care about her. I just wanted to help out and make everyone's lives easier," I shrug gently.

"And also," Spencer drops his voice to a whisper and looks down at his voice, "I wanted to thank you for not abandoning me. I don't-- well, I don't have a lot of people in my life and people have a habit of leaving me after they've been around me for a while. But you've stuck with me through the craziness with my mom and through my arrest and through prison when I'm sure there's plenty of guys who are banging down your door and you could--"

"Oh god," I grimace at the thought. "Dr. Reid, I don't wanna be with anyone else but you. I thought I made that clear before. Remember? Sitting in the hallway? We're getting married and having babies, remember? You're my first and only boyfriend and I don't want any other asshole guy who's gonna swoop in and think they're a Know It All. Why would I want a fake Know It All when I have the read deal Know It All right here?"

Spencer chuckles and he turns his hand to intertwine our fingers. "Thank you for waiting for me. And thank you for even coming to the prison. JJ said you were a bit too scared to come in so I appreciate you coming at all."

I choose not to comment about that. It's not the time to talk about this. It's not the time and not the place. We're exhausted and Spencer is fragile and while he needs to eventually talk to someone about his time in prison, it probably shouldn't be me and it probably shouldn't be at 3 am in a parking lot.

"I'll always be waiting for you," I smile in an attempt to move on from that topic of conversation, and when my phone buzzes in my pocket, I quickly pull it out to find Penelope calling me. I just miss the call and see that she already called me three times. "Oh, that's weird."

"Call her back," Spencer says, leaning over my shoulder. "And put it on speaker."

I dial Penelope's number and put my phone on speaker. She picks up after only half a dial tone. "Thank god!" She exclaims. "I feel like I've been calling you for my entire life!"

"My phone was in my pocket, sorry. What's up? Is everything okay?"

"No!" She shouts, and just her sharp tone of voice makes me panicky. "Are you with Reid?"

"I'm right here. On speaker. Garcia, what's going on? Is the team okay? Is it Lindsay or Cat?"

Penelope goes on the explain how Morgan got a text from Penelope about a safe house Spencer was supposed to stay at. It was all completely fake and due to Penelope's super skills, she figured out that her phone number was duplicated by none other than Mr. Scratch himself.

"The team drove out there but it was a trap!"

"Scratch's traps have traps, Garcia, we know that. They should've been prepared. Are they okay?" Spencer's voice gets louder as he gets more nervous.

"Not really. The house wasn't rigged. The street on the way was. There were road spikes and he was watching for when they came. And after they hit the spikes, a truck came and hit them. They all have to go to the hospital. Luke is okay and he's driving me to the hospital right now, and Matt Simmons is here too. But Tara's in shock, Rossi hurt his leg, JJ has glass in her forehead, Emily dislocated her shoulder, and Stephen is-- he's--"

Spencer and I exchange a downcast look as we understand what she can't say. Stephen is dead and it's all Scratch's fault. This man has been terrorizing this team for years and now he's killed a member of their team.

"Okay, Penelope," Spencer murmurs, "we're on our way to the hospital now. Keep us updated." Despite the fact that my phone is in my hand, Spencer hangs it up. He takes it from me and places it into the cup holder, then replaces my phone with his hand. "Amelia," he whispers, "do you want me to drive?"

Silently, I nod. I climb out of the driver’s side and practically waddle to the passenger side, sinking into the seat that Spencer was just in. He starts the engine and drives off, calmer and gentler than I had imagined he would be.

"I'm sorry," Spencer eventually breaks the thick silence, glancing over at me. "I know you liked Stephen and I'm sure you guys got really close the last few months."

My head slowly swivels to him, and I find that, as he should be, he's not looking at me. His eyes are locked on the road and focusing extra hard since it's the middle of the night. But I'd rather have it that way right now. "I'm--" I hesitate before I speak, but I know that now I've opened my mouth, I've sealed my fate, "I'm a horrible person."

I see Spencer furrow his eyebrows. "Huh?"

"I'm a bad person, Spencer, because I'm only kinda upset that Stephen is dead. I'm upset because--" I hiccup, my eyes widening as I try to speak. "Every time I see a dead cop or a dead agent, all I think about is how that could've been you. That dead agent could've been my boyfriend, dead in the field and I'd have to be the one called in to identify his body. I can't imagine how Monica and her kids are going to feel but I just always think about how I'd feel if I was woken up by that call that you were killed in the field.”

"You won't," Spencer answers with a stubborn shake of his head. "I'm careful in the field. I don't want you to worry about me, Lia. I’m gonna be fine.”

///

I can't remember spending much time in emergency rooms. But in the time that I have, they were never this chaotic. There are people everywhere and I'm surprised it's this busy on a Wednesday-into-Thursday at 4 am. But Spencer grabs my hand and takes charge, marching right up to a doctor and demanding he knows where the Behavioral Analysis Unit agents are. And I have to admit, despite how distressed I am, he looks incredibly sexy taking charge like that. But the doctor answered him and pointed to a certain section for the BAU.

"Amelia," JJ sighs of relief as she sees me, reaching a hand out and I quickly grab it, giving her the support she's looking for, "thank you for coming. I'm sure you're so tired--"

"Shh, shh, stop, don't worry about me," I coo, taking on her usual role of the mother figure. "Are you okay? Do you need anything?"

"Um," a few tears fall down her cheeks and she quickly wipes them away, "I haven't called Will yet and--"

"I did that in the car on the way over here, don't worry. He's on his way over," I tell her, fixing the wrapping on her ice pack so it isn't falling off anymore. JJ nods, relieved, and relaxes more into my touch. "Me and Spencer are both here so if you need anything, you just ask either of us, okay? Don't hesitate."

JJ nods, wrapping her free arm around my waist to give me an awkward side hug. "Thank you so much. Go check on everyone else. Emily is right over there and Rossi is refusing treatment, I think."

"Okay, I'll check on you later," I give her one more smile before heading off towards Emily's gurney. She's laying down and her shoulder is covered by a pile of dressings and her face is full of little cuts and bruises. Her eyes widen when she sees me and she reaches her uninjured arm for me. "Hi, Em. Do you need anything? Are you okay?"

"Amelia," Emily chokes out, and just from the way she speaks, I can see that she's in an intense amount of pain. "You should--" she hisses in pain, "should take Reid and go home. He deserves to go home and so do you. You're both exhausted and just got out of prison and you're--"

"We're here to help, Emily. We're not going anywhere until we know you guys are okay," I adjust the ice pack that's on her head and her eyelids flutter, and as badly as I do wish I could take Spencer home, I know that we need to be here to help everyone.

"Go help Rossi. He's being a little bitch about this," Emily responds, making me laugh. "I've got more balls than him. I'm fine. Go."

I laugh at Emily, shaking my head at her stubbornness, but nod nonetheless. I turn on my heel and start to head towards Rossi's little room but before I can get there, I run right into Spencer and Luke.

"Is Dave okay?" I ask, glancing between the two men who tower over me. "JJ and Emily are beat up but they're pushing through."

"Rossi needs us to go back to the BAU to get something for him," Luke says, holding up his car keys. "Me and Reid are heading back now."

My head snaps over to Spencer, eyes widened. Of course, I should have expected this. Why did I think that we would just show up here to help Spencer's teammates and not expect him to get roped into some kind of work? It was a stupid expectation, to be honest. Almost the entire team is down and Scratch is clearly very close to them. They need all hands on deck.

I just nod slowly, letting out a sigh. "Okay. Just be careful, please. Be really, really careful."

"We will be," Spencer nods back at me. He turns to leave, but before he can leave, I grab his wrist. "Amelia," he swivels his head, "we need to go."

"Just," I hold out my pinky, "humor me."

Spencer smiles softly, wrapping his pinky around mine. "We're just going back to the BAU. We're gonna be fine."

"Please let me know when you get there. And if you leave the building," I squeeze his pinky in mine before releasing him completely, waving him away with Luke. And so, I'm left with four injured FBI agents after an attack from an escaped serial killer, and a boyfriend who clearly has PTSD and hasn't slept or eaten in almost two days. I sigh, turning to look in Dave's room, then at JJ and Emily. "Great. Just great."

///

"Will just got here?" Emily asks, adjusting the strap of her sling, her arm now popped into its socket.

"Yeah, he's with JJ now. I think they said they were gonna--" I'm cut off when my phone starts ringing in my pocket. How is this thing not dead yet? I see that Penelope is calling and I swear, for a moment, I don't even want to pick up. She never has anything good to say. "Hi, P. How's it going?"

"H--Hi," she stumbles over her words, sounding a bit distant. "So, um, I'm at the BAU with Matt Simmons and Spencer is here too and Luke went to get Monica, but, um, I think you should come here."

Emily can hear my phone and she gives me a confused look, which I immediately return to her. "Why? Is Spencer okay?"

"He's just--" Penelope pauses. "We all got to work when we got back and he took on a lot of work and then he kicked me and Matt out of the conference room so he could be alone because he said he couldn't focus and he's just getting really frustrated and he looks so angry and-- Amelia, I feel like you're the only one who can bring him down to Earth."

Emily nods in agreement, gesturing towards the door as if to tell me to go. I feel bad leaving the team in the hospital without anyone to help them, someone who's not a nurse, but Spencer is my main priority right now. So I tell Penelope that I'll be there as soon as possible and go rushing out of the hospital and out to my car for the millionth time today.

///

The elevator doors open and the first thing I notice is how quiet the sixth floor seems. I'm so used to it bustling with people who have agendas and schedules and meetings. But now it's the middle of the night and everyone is home resting, where I wish I could be with my boyfriend.

I pull open the glass doors and find Penelope working on a desk with a man beside her, someone I've never seen before. She looks up when I enter, sighing a breath of relief. "Thank god you're here," she gestures towards the conference room where Spencer is furiously pacing and is clearly talking to himself, waving his hands back and forth. "He's only gotten more worked up since I called you."

"You're Amelia?" the man steps forward, holding his hand out. "I'm Matt Simmons."

"Yeah, Amelia," I nod, shaking his hand politely with a tight smile. "I'm Spencer's girlfriend. I believe I've heard him mention in the past before actually. You have four kids, right? Bless your--"

I'm completely cut off by a loud banging, and the three of us look up in time to see Spencer hurling a book at the glass panel in the conference room. There isn't even a moment of hesitation before we're rushing towards him, pushing open the door and approaching him.

"B-CAP," Spencer states, his hands digging into his eyes. He starts rattling off something about what this plant is, where it's from, and how to find it. Matt responds and Spencer nods, and there's no chance I'll understand what they're talking about, but that's not my main focus. Spencer drops his hands from his eyes and then glances between the three of us. "Why are you staring at me?"

"You," Penelope whispers, "you throw a book at a window. It was jarring."

"Yeah, well," Spencer scoffs, turning his back to us, "it took me thirty minutes to deduce what should have taken me thirty seconds. And if Scratch gets away and more people die because of it, then I'll be throwing a lot more than books," He leans his hands against the conference table and hangs his head, taking labored breaths.

I quickly usher Penelope and Matt out of the room, closing the door behind them. Penelope gives me a concerned look over her shoulder but I just give her a smile in return. Nothing can provide comfort right now, but I'm really trying.

Spencer hasn't moved when I turn back to him so I creep forward and reach for his waist. The moment my fingers make contact with his body, he completely jumps out of his skin and cowers away from me, as if he hadn't even realized it was me touching him.

I retract my hands as he backs away from me, holding them up in the air so he can see there's no foul play going on. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I apologize quickly. "I just-- I just wanted to help. I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd--"

"I can't let him get away!" Spencer is shouting again, waving his hands around frantically. "He's been getting away for too long! He's so close and I can let him--"

"Dove, I know it's hard," I step closer to him and when he doesn't cower away again, I move closer again. "I know you wanna catch Scratch and you absolutely will. But you need to rest. You haven't slept in who knows how long, you haven't eaten, you haven't showered, you haven't changed your clothes. You--" I let out a breath and just gently hold my hands out to him in the hopes that he'll grab them, and when he doesn't, I keep them there as a silent, continuous invitation, "you're a little burnt out, Spence. I know you wanna work and that you wanna help your team, and I admire you for that, but--"

"Rossi reinstated me," he tells me stubbornly, a switch flipping him back to seriousness and away from fear as he walks back over to the whiteboard. "In the hospital, he said I'm fully reinstated for right now and that I need to help out. I'm doing what he asked."

"Spencer," I snap, crossing my arms over my chest, "Rossi was fucking delirious. JJ told me that he told you to get tickets for a baseball game."

"It was code," Spencer retorts, picking up the book from the floor like it wasn’t the object he took his aggression out on and starting to read. "I'm not stopping."

"Fine," I give up, marching over to him, taking the book out of his hands and putting it aside, "keep working then, but I'm not leaving."

Spencer's face solidifies and he gets serious again. "You should leave. You haven't slept or eaten either and--"

"I'm not leaving until you leave. So I'm gonna get on this fucking table and go to sleep and you can join me if you'd like. But I'm not leaving you, Spencer, I told you that. I'm not abandoning you," and with that, I strip off my coat and climb on top of the conference room table, balling up the coat like a pillow and laying down. And with the crazy events of the day, I fall asleep right away, despite being on a table and despite having my unhinged boyfriend in the same room.

When I eventually wake up again, I'm in a different room. I'm not laying on a hard table but instead, I'm in an interview room on a couch. It takes me a moment to get used to my surroundings, but when I do I realize that I'm covered by Spencer's suit jacket and that my hand is clutching his sobriety medallion.

His absence quickly dawns on me and I gasp, sitting up and rubbing my eyes. I search for my phone to check the time and realize it's not on me so I stumble out of the interview room and towards Penelope's office. But before I can even get there, I find her wandering towards the elevators with her heels in her hand and her phones in her other.

"Amelia! You're awake!" She exclaims, grinning. "Come! The team is just coming up."

"What did I miss? What happened? Where's Spencer?" I ramble on tiredly as she drags me away.

"We got a hit on where Scratch was. Spencer, Luke, Matt, Emily, and JJ all went to the warehouse that he was at. They're coming back," she says as we pause in front of the elevators.

"Did they get Scratch?" It wasn't a necessary question. Penelope would have led with that information if it were true. I knew they wouldn't have captured Scratch. It's too easy. She doesn't answer.

The elevator doors open and the team files out in their kevlars with their guns on their hips, and Spencer comes out last. He gives me a tiny smile, his hands tucked in his pockets. He doesn't even make an effort to hug me when he approaches me, just stands close enough that I can feel his breath on me.

"Don't you ever," I sneer, pointing my finger at him, "leave to chase a serial killer without telling me. Don't you ever do that again."

Spencer nods shamefully, chewing his bottom lip. "You were so tired that I thought I could get there and back without you waking up. I almost did."

I breathe in a long breath, shaking my head. "You were close. I woke up two minutes ago," Spencer nods in response, staring down at the floor. Everyone is walking away now, discarding their vests and guns and reaching for their car keys. "Can--" I gulp, "can I hug you?"

Spencer nods and pulls his hands out of his pockets, sliding them around my back and pulling my body flush against his. I hug his waist tight, and despite the harsh lines of the kevlar, I melt into his embrace and close my eyes. Spencer rests his head on the top of mine, starting to hiccup as tears stream down his cheeks. "Amelia?"

"Yes, my dove?" I quip in response.

"Can you bring me home now?"

I let out a breath. A breath that releases all the bad energy and all the horrible events of the past few months. Because even though Scratch has escaped, the BAU will catch him, there's no doubt of that. But my Spencer is coming home finally, and he's here to stay.

"It would be my absolute pleasure."

  TAGLIST

@babybloodstonebones @bxnnywriting @blameitonthenight21 @feralreid @anepiphany @reidscardigan @itsmyblogandillreblogifiwantto @4x24 @whollytaciturn @thegingerfairchild @yasminwashere @shrimpyblog @anamelessfacelessnerd​ @wonderlandhatter​ @whxt-to-write​ @inkandexchange​ @just-call-me-non​ 

[temptingempress]

The Mafia’s Princess (3)

Summary: “I can’t loose you because if I loose you I loose myself. You’re all I have left.” she begged him to put the gun down. Her bloody knees splashed into the mud. Helicopters surrounded them and the sirens were getting closer and closer but she could think about was him. The man whom she fell in love with, standing in front of them. Gun pointed towards his head.

This is a HoseokxOc story but feel free to think of her as y/n. I just didn’t want to call her y/n so I used my own character that you’ll see in a lot of my stories but her mood and temperament will change in each story. The character depicted in the photo is my imagination of her, you can depict her anyway you would like.

Warning: Injuries, swearing, knife mentions, mafia mentions (obviously), a little bit of angst. 

Previous: https://temptingempress.tumblr.com/post/641614237353099264/the-mafias-princess-jhs-2

“Almost there.” Hoseok huffed as they climbed the hill that led to the abandoned garage. The garage was originally popular amongst the civilians but the town turned into a ghost town, which made it the perfect place for mafia’s to meet up for certain things. 

Areum’s P.O.V

I let out a slight giggle hearing Hoseok’s huffs and his struggles to make it up the hill. For a big buff mafia man you’d think he could walk thousands of miles but he could get out of breath just by opening a jar of pickles. “Come on Muscle Man. Just a few more feet to go.” I teased earning a hearty chuckle back from him. “You gotta remember that I hauled your ass for like 3 miles.” He poked my head gently but still managed to make me flinch. “Scaredy cat, ah, there it is.”  Hoseok’s P.O.V

Oh thank goodness, I was about to fall face down out of exhaustion, It’s been hours that I’ve been on my damn feet. The large garage was right behind the abandoned mall aka the drug trade. I leaned against the concrete wall showered in explicit graffiti. Taking out my phone I dialed the driver’s number. I took Areum’s hand and pulled her closer to me “Stay close, the crackheads lurk.” The phone then picked up and he said his usual phrase “Annyeonghaseyo jeoneun bangtan sonyeondan hwanggeum maknae jeon jungkook imnida”  “Where are you.” I asked him bluntly, too tired to deal with his absurdness right now.  “Ahh, I’m in the garage.” The sound of the engine rumbles in the background making it hard to decipher what he was saying  “I’m with Cynthia and we are on the fifth flight!” Letting out a low groan, I sure didn’t have it in me to walk five flights up. My legs would surely give out or possibly crack in half. “Drive the car down, the damsel in injured.” Areum crossed her arms as her cheeks puffed out like two balloons “Why do I have to be the damsel? Do I look like I’m in distress? Why can’t I be the hero or the even the black widow!” she went on and on but her words begun to blur out. I was only focused on how to get into that damn car and get back to the house as fast as we humanly could. “I can’t boss, someone might catch us!” “Jungkook that’s a demand not an order. If anyone sees us then we’ll just send an assassin out or something.” “Ah! Quiet down boss. I’m comin I’m comin. You’re gonna get us caught one day.” he then hung up on me which made me slightly irritated. “I should’ve never hired that damn maknae.” Areum slouches next to me but she still with held the smile lurking on her lips. Times like these, it gets comforting to see especially from her. “How do you do it huh?” I chuckled a bit and took her wrist, pulling her closer to me so we could warm each other up in this cold weather. “How do you manage to smile in the most fucked up situations?”  “Well, as long as I’m with you the situation isn’t that bad. Besides, I like to see you struggle.” She jokes with a slight laugh giving me the answer I should’ve anticipated. 

“Ha ha.” I sarcastically laugh along, ruffling her hair up with my rough fingers. Then, the car finally arrived. It was a old and dirty truck which suits this place very well. I opened up the back door for Areum to go in first. If anyone saw us pull up in a brand new red convertible they would know something was up. Jungkook then put his foot on the gas and pulled off rather very fast. Areum rushed to put her seatbelt on while everyone else just sat there exhausted. It was just the wee hours in the morning, nobody was on the roads so Jungkook cranked the windows down. As long as nobody recognized Areum or me, we should be good. We took the back roads just to make sure. Jungkook turned on the speakers to his favorite songs then spoke loudly “How’d your little getaway go!”  Cynthia, the co leader of this mafia, turned down the speakers to allow Areum and I to rest. “Jungkook, why do you have to be so loud all the time?”  I knew Cynthia every since I inherited this whole mafia business. She’s always been like a sister to me. She was there whenever I needed her and whenever I didn’t. 

I put my hands behind my head and let out a long sigh “It was nice until someone called the damn cops on us.” I let the wind cool me off as I closed my eyes “That part really spoiled the whole entire thing.” Areum hummed to the country music playing in the background. “But it wasn’t anything we couldn’t handle! Right Hoseok?” “Mmhm.” I felt myself falling into a deep sleep. My energy to perform anything at this point was drifting away. 

Areum’s P.O.V

I took a cover from the floor and draped it over Hoseok he looked like he was passed out. I couldn’t blame him. “I’m sure Hoseok took good care of you... as always.” Cynthia sighed to herself.  My face scrunched up as I felt slightly offended, I tried to calm myself down, trying not to get that stuck up princess attitude I always tend to have... I’m working on that. I am. “I guess.” I felt my leg start to sting a bit. The adrenaline was running out and the pain was setting in. Letting out a quiet grunt I held my leg close  “I got bit and scratched by dogs.” Jungkook turned back to see the blood beginning to drip down my leg again. I must’ve injured it when I got back up to walk. “Yikes.” Jungkook spoke “Don’t worry, we’re almost there.” He passed me a box of tissues “Here”.

 Cynthia looked at me then back to the road “You have to stop being so careless whenever you’re around him.” “Careless?” I took the tissues and started to wipe off as much blood as I could. Once I saw the cut, it only stung even more. I couldn’t think of a smart response because of it. It hurts like hell but I wanted to keep my composure. 

Strong women don’t cry right? 

Besides, I wanted to be strong for him. I wanted to be strong to Hoseok and to prove everyone that I deserve to be here.

As we drove up to the big mansion where the mafia resided in Jungkook parked the car and I was cared for immediately getting escorted to their little medical room by her assigned nurses. Out of the corner of my eye she saw Cynthia caring for Hoseok, walking him back inside with one of his arms draped around her shoulder. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a hint of jealously inside my heart. Ever since I’ve met her she’s always given me ‘Oh, I’m better than you’ vibes but I’ve been trying to brush it off. I don’t want my own jealousy to get in the way of Hoseok and I. I never did. I looked up to a girl with a silver necklace hanging down her neck. It was Lisa, Hoseok’s sister.

-

“Follow me” she hums as she takes the mysterious criminals hand. They were rough and she noticed that they were also tatted. She couldn’t get a full glimpse but it looked like part of a dragons tale. The man spoke up as the princess led him through the endless maze of twist and turns.

Hoseok’s P.O.V

“Why are you helping me?” This could be a big trap but then again I have no choice. If it wasn’t for her I’d be surrounded by this damn kingdom and if she pulled anything stupid I have a gun right on my hip and I’m not afraid to shoot little miss princess. A person who gets anything and everything under her fingertips. People like her is the whole reason why me and my family rebelled. People like her enforced the stupid laws society has, People like her ruin everything I’ve worked for but here I was holding her hand. Her grip was tight so it wasn’t like I could let go. “Because I want to help you.” She hums with a slight smile “Besides the castle needed a little action.” We then came to another dead end, this time we were surrounded by vineyards of roses and fine grapes.  “And you do realize that you are helping the number one felon in Korea right now?”

Before the princess could respond she ripped the bottom half of her expensive dress off so she could have more freedom in her strides which threw me off a bit. Her thighs are now fully exposed and she had not problem with that. “So?” She took the fabric and tied it along her thigh “You do realize that the wealthiest girl in Korea is helping a felon out right?” She echos. “Do you have a knife?”  I pulled out a pocket knife and handed it to her, even though I probably shouldn’t of. This was getting pretty interesting and I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to know where it was going. The princess went up to the vines and cut them open. I chuckled as she did so “Very smart princess,  but wouldn’t they follow us inside-” After she was done cutting the vines a door was revealed. She twisted the golden knob and it led us inside what seemed like to be a small bedroom, with a tv, bed, and a large bookcase. There were paintings on the wall but they seemed like they were either drawn by her or someone else. 

The princess pressed on a red button and the vines attached to one another again as if nothing even happened. The princess smiled at me, feeling proud of herself for helping a person like myself out. “You’re welcome.” she beams I scoffed to myself and looked around her mini hideout “You led me to a bed. I’m not interested in making out with you right now, I need to get back to my base.” “Make out?” She crosses her arms and a light blush appears on her face “I wouldn’t t-touch you with a ten foot pole!”  I looked down at her hand still attached to mine but she quickly let go of it. I sighed as I started to look around. Thinking about how I could ever get out of here without getting caught. I didn’t want to escape in the morning because that’s when small children flood the maze. It wouldn’t be a good look for a grown man with a gun attached to his hip be in it with them. And besides, I’m on a time schedule.

 The princess spoke once again, her arms not leaving her chest “Who says I don’t have a way for you to get out!”  “Look sweetheart.” I took out my gun and pointed it towards her head, I really didn’t have a choice. “Stop playing games, get me out of here now or I will shoot you.” She froze once I pulled out my gun but the same smile appears onto her face. What was this girl? Some type of psychopath? “You wouldn’t kill me Mister. If you did you’d spend more time in prison or possibly the dungeon than you’d intend to. Ah, who am I kidding they’d possibly put you to death.”  I didn’t drop the gun but she did make a point. I know at some point in my life that I was going to go to jail or die but it’s too soon in the game. I plan to hold my father’s legacy until I die. “Show me the exit now.” My voice rose to stir more fear in her but it failed.

“Not until you tell me your name.” She looked me straight in the eyes. “I.. I want you to be my friend.” “I’m not a good friend.” I chuckled at the how naive this woman was. “I’ll tell you what. You show me the exit and you get a name. Deal?” She thought it over for a moment, lowering her arms she nodded and walked to her bookcase. she pushed it aside and there was a window. It seemed to be led to the woods. I wondered why there was even a such thing in a whole kingdom. Why was she the only one who knew about this.  “Can I get-” Before she could say another word I pushed her to the floor, causing her to loose her balance and fall. She shouted at me before I made a run for it. I should’ve killed her. The window was already unlocked to that made it easier for me. Did I feel bad about it?

No, I didn’t. 

It was my sister’s birthday and I’m already running late. I checked if I still had the necklace in my pocket and it was still in it’s pretty velvet box. -

Areum’s P.O.V

Lisa helped me onto a bed then got her gloves on. She was very careful not to hurt me anymore than I already was. I trusted her, so I allowed my eyes shut. She was a certified nurse even before this whole mafia deal begun. Lisa accessed the bite and scratches “That dog left a pretty big mark on you.” She informs as she sterilizes her equipment before she uses them. “But it’s nothing I can’t handle.” I chuckle and look down at her “You sound so cool when you say that.” She gave me a smile as she starts to apply alcohol which stung even more. I winced but held in my pain. “You can scream if you’d like. I’m not here to judge.” Lisa hummed.

Well, If I had her permission...

-

Hoseok P.O.V

“Where’s Areum?” I asked as I held onto Cynthia’s shoulder. I didn’t even notice that we were already to the quarters. I must’ve fell asleep. “She’s getting treated.” Cynthia laid me on my door post allowing me to catch my composure again. Cynthia sighs as she dusts off her red dress that she always wears whenever she’s going out. Unlike me, she could go out whenever she pleases. Her identity hasn’t been given out yet so that’s why she’s our lurer. She lures people with her “charm”  so we could eventually handle business with  them. “You know.” She walks a little closer to me, feeling my cheek to make sure that the small cut would be okay “If she keeps getting you in danger like this then I’m not sure if she’s the perfect cut for this mafia.” “Cynthia.” I sighed and pulled away from her fingers. “Not this again. Areum is just as deserving as you are.” “What Hoseok, we all know it. She can’t even fend for herself. What makes you think she could fend for you? You’re only putting her in danger, not only her us! The whole mafia empire.” She got a bit mad but she soon calmed down by the look I was giving her. “I’m tired alright, can’t we talk about this some other time?”  Cynthia gave me one last look before she went her own way. She had a mission this morning but I had a whole bunch of overdue sleeping to do until I get back on my feet again. I went inside of my room, not even caring to turn on the lights. I just kicked my shoes off and threw my body on the big master bed awaiting me. It felt amazing but yet so empty without Areum lying by my side. As I wrapped myself in the covers I couldn’t help but to think about Cynthia’s words. She was right, if people found us out then it would be over for us as we know it but...

 I guess I’m a sucker for her love but I know that this chapter will soon come to an end. It’ll take a miracle if it’s a good one. ~

I hope you guys enjoyed, if you want me to add something more spicy my dms and asks are always open :) Please like this so it gives me motivation to go on! Also, do you like the cover work?

Your friend,

                  TemptingEmpress 

[angelbabyszn]

Hi, I would like to ask an imagine where Oscar and y/n have a fight and she leaves home, thank you for your attention😘

Do I Love You More? (Oscar X Reader)

Requested!

OMB Masterlist

"Y/N! You're cheating!" shouted Oscar laughing as he shoved you to the side a bit which made you laugh.

"I'm not!" you shouted back at him as you shove him back as you moved your racer with your console. 

You have been dating Oscar for a year and a half and you've been living with him and his little brother, Cesar after your first year of college.

You love how much Oscar treats you like his reina and make sure you’re okay and happy. The only problem you have with him is his job.

All you ask is peace but it wasn't realistic in the real world. Everyone does violence which makes you have a lot of feelings and thoughts about it.

"I won! Haha!" you said happily as you got up and started to jump excitedly as your racer drove past the finish line and gained a trophy on the TV.

Oscar looked up at you with a smile and started to chuckle at your happy dance.

As you were dancing, Oscar reached over and grabbed your hips making you fall down to him on the couch. You looked up at him with a smile and he dropped his console on the floor and tugged you closer to his body. 

You moved closer to him between his legs laying down while Oscar looked down on you. You looked back up at him and Oscar leaned down to kiss you softly.

After the sweet kiss ended, Oscar put his arms around your stomach and you two started to cuddle. You love moments like these with him. It makes you feel special and full of love inside.

-

Oscar's phone started to ring, making you open your eyes and start to stare at his phone on the coffee table two hours later cuddling.

Oscar softly moved and you sat back up on the couch as he took the call. You hate when moments like these get interrupted by his job.

"I'll be right there." said Oscar and hung up his phone. He starts to walk out the door.

"Let me guess, another thing to do?" you said with annoyance. Oscar stops walking and turns around. 

"Oscar, I don't like you doing this as your main job everyday. It's dangerous." you said upset.

"Y/N, we talked about this. I have to do what I have to do." said Oscar as he walked up to you.

"I know but there's other jobs you can do." you said as you looked into his eyes to see if he understands. 

"Y/N, where am I going to get a job at huh? Who is going to hire a man who just got out of prison? All I want to do is to make sure Cesar is alive and grown to take my place." said Oscar with a bit of aggression.

"Your place?! Spooky, he's a fifteen year old boy! He has a chance to live this life! You also have a chance too! You don't have to live-"

"I DON'T HAVE ANOTHER CHANCE Y/N!" yelled Oscar at your face making you full up with aggression.

"DON'T YOU YELL AT ME! I ONLY WANT THE BEST FOR YOU! I LOVE YOU WITH ALL OF MY HEART! I DON'T WANT YOU TO DIE!" you yelled at him as you started to cry. 

Oscar turned around and started to walk away from you with his right hand on his chin as he started to think deep into his mind.

"OSCAR! PLEASE! IF YOU WALK OUT THAT DOOR, I'M LEAVING YOU!" you yelled at him as tears were running down your face.

Oscar turns back to see you crying for your life. He saw the sadness in your eyes, not wanting him to do what he had to do for a living. 

He doesn't want to do this at all but it was what he was born into. His family has been in this gang for years with none of them coming out to live their life.

He doesn't want to lose you. You were everything to him. You make him a better person mentally and so happy. He's so thankful for you. He doesn't want the soulmate of his life to go away.

Oscar quickly left out to the front door of the house leaving you crying and screaming his name. Hearing his name from you while crying in the house really broke his heart as he got into his car and drove away.

"Spooky..." you whispered as you held yourself to your stomach with your arms on the floor still crying with your eyes red.

-

Another two hours later, you woke up still on the ground and looked around. You started to remember what happened which made you want to cry again. 

You got up from the ground and walked to the bedroom you and Oscar share. You grab a bag underneath the bed and start packing with your clothes.

Good memories with Oscar start to flow through your mind as you packed your bag. Right before you leave, you turn back as you start to remember what happened two hours ago which made a tear go down from your eye.

You wiped the tear away with your left hand and left the house with your purse and your bag of clothes leaving the place where you were happy with Oscar.

What you didn't realize, Oscar was locked up in a cage by 19th street betrayed by Cuchillos, the Santos godmother after she said that she will be his backup.

"Y'all won't get away with this." said Oscar aggressively as Sapo, the leader of 19th street pointed a gun at him to his head.

"Aparentemente lo soy. Lástima que no tengas respaldo. Eso fue tonto de tu parte." said Sapo, making him laugh with his gang. They left the room with Oscar locked in the cage and locked the door.

Oscar leaned back in his cafe remembering what happened to you which made his feelings bottled up causing a single tear to come down his eye.

He never wanted to hurt you. He hates that he left you crying there. He loves you so much. Now, he feels like he got nothing to live for if you're not in his life any more. 

-

"Spooky? Baby, I'm sorry. I should've judged you for what you do for a living. You were doing it before you met me. I want to be your rider forever. Please come out so we can talk." you shouted through the house as you started eating food from the fridge with your bag of clothes and purse in the living room.

For the last three days, you have been living with your best friend. Both of you have been talking making you have a lot of thought. You decided to go talk to him since you miss him so much.

"Oscar?" you called out through the house as you eat your chips in the kitchen. You reach for another chip and eat it as you wait. .

You threw the remaining chips away and started to go around the house to see if he was there but you didn't see him anywhere.

"Did he ever come home?" you asked out loud. You fall back on the couch in the living room and then stare up at the ceiling. You quickly sat up a moment later with wide eyes.

"Cesar." you said and quickly ran out of the door of the house with your purse.

-

"God! Where is he?!" shouted Cesar as he punched a wall in Ruby's house.

"Dude! Chill! We will find him." said Ruby and you came rushing in.

"Cesar! Oh my gosh, you're okay." you said and you hugged him which made him and the rest of his friends surprised.

Cesar hugged you back for comfort for a few moments until you ended the hug. 

"Y/N, have you seen or heard from Spooky?" asked Cesar. He has been worried sick for the past three days and hopes you have good news. 

"No." you said sadly, making Cesar turn around, close his eyes and put his hands on top of his head in stress.

"I'm so sorry Cesar. I have a fight with him." you said upset making everyone look at you with wide eyes.

"What?!" shouted the core four in sync. 

"Yeah. I didn't support what he does for a living and it caused a huge fight. now I don't know what to do." you said and you went over to the couch in the living room with an upset face regretting your actions. 

"Y/N, you know what you were getting into once you start dating him." said Cesar as he sat next to you.

"I know and I thought I could handle it but eventually...I couldn’t. I'm so sorry Cesar. I didn't want none of this to happen now and..." you said and you started to tear up. You wiped your tears off of your face.

You turn to Cesar with a shy smile. "We're going to find him okay?" you said and Cesar nodded. 

"Tell me what happened after I left." you said and Cesar started explaining the situation, making you furious in the end.  

"I'mma kill this son of a puta." you said and you grab your purse and start to walk out.

"Y/N wait. I wanna help find my brother." said Cesar as he stood up from sitting on the couch. You walked back up to him.

"Cesar, just stay put. Sleep with any of your friends tonight so you won't feel alone. I'm going to find him and by the time you wake up in the morning, he will be back okay?" you said and you caressed Cesar's face with your right hand.

Cesar nodded and gave you a tight hug. You hugged him back right and close.

After the hug, you left furiously because Cuchillos left your Spooky without her protection which made you even more motivated to find him.

-

You walked up to the Santos gang that was having another party like nothing happened to Spooky at Freeridge Park.

"Santos!" you shouted and they stopped partying and saw you walking to them in an aggressive walk.

"Yo, that's Spooky's girl." whispered one of the members, Joker to Sad Eyes, Spooky’s best friend and co-leader of the gang. 

Sad Eyes walked up to you along with the rest of the gang behind him. You stop walking once you get in front of the whole gang.

"Why the h*ll y'all doing?! Do y'all know Spooky, the leader of this whole gang," you said and put your hand in front of the whole gang and wave it around in a circle in front of them signaling the whole gang "is f*ckin missing?!"

"Nah, we know. He didn't ask for backup." said Joker as he walked up to you.

"So what?! You should've still f*ckin back him up! Would y'all do it to each other?! Not f*ckin back each other up?!" you shouted at them and the gang looked at each other with uncertain faces.

"Wow, what did my boyfriend form?" you whispered to yourself and Sad Eyes walked up to you with his arms crossed against his chest.

"So, what do you need hyna?" said Joker, making the whole gang chucked. 

"Hey! I'm more than somebody's chica! I'm not defined by a man! I'm an independent woman with or without him! Now, come on! We are going to get him back!" you shouted at the gang and started to walk away.

"We ain't leaving! You're too soft to do anything sweetheart!" shouted Joker which made you stop walking and furious. You have enough of this foolness with this gang. 

You turned back quickly and walked back up to Joker furious. Once you got in front of him, you dropped your purse, grabbed his gun from his pocket, grabbed his left arm, and flipped it around to his back. 

Everyone hears a bone crack and you put the gun to his head as you hold his cracked arm behind his own back.

Everyone in the gang eyes widened as they saw what you did. They never thought they have it in you.

"Now, you wanna that again, to my face?" you said in Joker's ear making him start to freak out.

"Y/N, I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" said a scared Joker and a moment later, you dropped him on the ground annoyed and embarrassed for him by how he reacted.

"Dude, man up." you said and you walked up to Sad Eyes with Joker's gun.

"You’re his girl." said Sad Eyes with a smirk and you looked at him as you clicked the gun with your hand up and down making a sound from it signaling you were ready.

"Santos! Move out." said Sad Eyes and you and Sad Eyes start to walk together side by side as the gang follow behind both of you to go to who is responsible. 

-

"Give me Spooky! Now!" you shouted as you held the gun in front of Cuchillos.

You and the gang arrived at her place in a few minutes. Santos was fighting with the Security guards that Cuchillos hired.

"Why would I do that? He was in the way of me taking over this town. Trying to turn the Santos to good. Ha, like that's ever going to happen." said Cuchillos and she reached over to Oscar and squeezed his left cheek who was next to her tied to a chair as she sat in her queen chair.

"DON'T YOU TOUCH HIM!" you yelled, making Cuchillos touched her heart like she was really touched but faking. 

"Why would I? He's going to be my servant soon. And what are you going to do with that gun? You ain't got what it takes to kill somebody." said Cuchillos and she starts to laugh as she pulls out a gun to point it at you.

"Bye-bye sweetie." said Cuchillos. You were about to shoot until Cuchillos got hit by a bullet to the heart and fell into her pool.

Your eyes widened and dropped the gun in your hand trying to figure out what just happened. You turn around to see Sad Eyes and his gun with smoke coming out of it.

"I thought she would never shout up. "Taking over this town" my a*s." said Sad Eyes and you ran up to him and hugged the life out of him.

Sad Eyes quickly got you off of him. "Hey, rule number one. I don't do hugs okay?"

You nodded with a smile and you turned back to Oscar to see him with scars and bruises all over his face and chest with some places still bleeding out blood.

"Baby." you said and you ran over to him along with Sad Eyes. Once Oscar got free, you hugged the life out of him.

Even though Oscar was hurt and wanted you to get off of him, he hugged you back missing your lovely hugs. After the hug, you looked up to him in sadness and concern. 

"I'm so so SO sorry. I thought I could handle you working this lifestyle but I didn't. I yelled at you and we ended up having this big fight. I didn't want you to die and I love you so much and I-" you said until you were cut off by Oscar kissing you passionately.

You missed his lips so much. You miss kissing him as his body was close to you giving you butterflies in your stomach and your heart beating so fast that you can hear it from your chest. You don't ever want to be separated from him again.

"Hey..." said Oscar after he ended the kiss, He wiped your tears from your cheek and caressed your face with his bruised right hand.

"I'm sorry. I should've yelled at you. I know you're upset about me doing this everyday. I don't want to live like this forever. I want to be with you. Be able to marry you, have kids, and be in a beautiful house...with you." said Oscar which made you look down and blush.

"I'm serious. I want you to be my wife. I want to have regular problems like other people have. I don't want to live like this forever." said Oscar and you looked back up at him and you caress his left cheek with your right hand.

"You won't. You always got me. No matter what happens." you said and you kissed Oscar again with more passion than before making Oscar kiss you a second and third time.

"Okay, y'all. I think we have enough." said Sad Eyes and you turned around and Oscar looked straight to see the whole gang looking at both of you.

You and Oscar chucked and you started to walk out of Cuchillos's place hand and hand while the whole gang followed you.

You and Oscar left knowing that your love for each other is strong and nothing will ever break it.

[cozyjsuh]

by friday night, after swim, joy came up to you.

“y/n, you know lucas is leaving on the midnight flight tonight. so we’re all going to the airport with him to say our goodbyes.” you get into your car at look at her. “i know you probably don’t want to see him again, but wouldn’t it be better if you and him left on good terms?”

you sigh heavily before turning to your steering wheel. “if you want to say your goodbyes, come to the airport no later than eleven fifty.” she says before walking off to her car. you sit in your car for about ten minutes before finally driving off. by the time you finished showering and eating dinner, it was ten fifty. you contemplated on whether or not you should go, but in a matter of seconds, you got up and put a sweatshirt on and ran out of your house with your keys. you quickly run to your car and turn the engine on, rushing to the airport. you make it to the airport at exactly eleven thirty and run through the airport, looking for someone that even remotely looks like your friends. you spot johnny and start rushing towards your friends when you don’t spot lucas. you stop in the middle and let out heavy breaths before your friends turn around and look at you. joy walks up to you and pats your shoulder. “am i too late?” you ask, defeatedly. you turn to walk towards your car until you hear, “y/n? you came?”

you stare at him wide eyed, “y-yeah. i c-couldn’t just let you leave on bad terms.”

he smiles before embracing you with your face buried in his shoulder. “thank you y/n.” he whispers in your ear. “no thank you lucas. for being my first love, taking my first kiss and the first person that’s ever loved me.” you kiss him on the cheek before he walks off to go through security. all your friends smile, tearfully, with you included. “y/n, are you crying?” johnny teases.

you look at him with tears in your eyes, “yeah! you got a problem?!” before burying your face into taeyong’s embrace. taeyong whacks johnny on the arm, “don’t make fun of her! she’s sensitive.” you look at johnny with a smirk over taeyong’s shoulder and stick your tongue out.

“taeyong! did you not see that?!” taeyong shakes his head and pats your head.

you drunkily sit in front of your ‘new friend’ christian. “so you sAid uR twenty nine?” he laughs and nods his head. “well i’m twenty three.” you say while confidently sticking up two fingers on one hand and four on the other.

you wake up the next morning with no recollection of last night. your eyes widen at the unfamiliar room and you rip the blanket off of yourself to check if you were wearing the same clothes as last night and surely you were. you got up and walked around the large hallways of a beautiful white apartment. you walk to where to assume the kitchen is and meet face to face with someone you felt like you knew but couldn’t put a finger on it.

the male figure turns around and looks at you up and down, “good morning.”

“is it?” you ask startled. “did we, we didn’t right?”

“no. i don’t even know where you came from but i was drinking by myself and you randomly came up to me and started a conversation. then you talked non stop for about twenty minutes before knocking out on the table. so then i grabbed your phone and your friends tried to call you but then your phone died so i just brought you to my house. i charged your phone by the way, it’s over there.” he points over to your phone that was peacefully sitting on his countertop.

“thank you, uh i’m pretty sure you told me your name yesterday but i don’t remember.”

he laughs again before taking a sip of orange juice, “it’s christian. come and eat some breakfast.” you check the time and your eyes widen again. you gasp and cover your mouth before exclaiming, “can you drive me to to places today! i have state for swim and it starts in an hour and i don’t have my car and i need to get my swim bag and—“

“of course. don’t worry about. i’ll be ready in ten minutes.” you sit and bounce your knee nervously.

he later comes out and you both walk to his car. you send your address to his phone and both ride in his car in silence. you look at the interior of car, everything in his car was expensive imports from different countries. you mind starts to wander, ‘is this guy a leader of the mafia or something? why is he so rich?’

“uh we’re here.” he says as he drives into your parking lot. “oh i’ll be back in like ten minutes.” you yell as you run out of his car. you return later in your swim suit, parka and a pair of shorts with your swim bag in hand. as soon as you enter his car, you tell him to drive to seoul university. as you arrive in the neighborhood, joy calls you.

“y/n? where are you? warm ups start in ten minutes.” you interrupt her, “uh yeah! be there in about two minutes! wait for me outside, please!” christian chuckles at you.

as you pull up to the university, you spot joy. “oh uhm over there please.” you say as you point to joy. you get out of the car but not before thanking christian. “thank you so much for today and yesterday. uh i have to go but you know where i live and i’m basically home twenty four seven so.” you smile before joy pulls you away.

you quickly throw your parka off at johnny and you know who before diving in to start warm ups. you quickly finish up six of your events and go to the bathroom to grab your swim supplies to practice before your last event. as you enter the locker room, you get met by nayeon and her cheer squad. two girls lock the door and guard it while the others stand behind her.

“y/n, you’re a real slut aren’t you? you just can’t help seducing boys, huh?” nayeon says while crossing her arms. “get out my way nayeon. i have much more important things to do.” you roll your eyes but not before nayeon and her minions jump onto you. one of them punches you on your lip while the other kicks your shins with sneakers on. nayeon works on ripping your swim suit starting with the shoulder straps and then your stomach. you try your hardest to stand up and get to your event but they cover your mouth and hold you down while the referee calls out your name leaving your friends worried.

“where’s y/n?” johnny asks while joy frantically looks around.

after your event finishes, they let you go and you sit up, messed up and dazed. it’s as if life for you had gone into slow motion, you stand up and walk out of the locker room with your fresh wounds. you walk towards your friends and grab your parka and swim bag. leaving them to call out your name and you barefoot. you walk out of the pool area and to wait for the campus bus to take you anywhere but here.

while you wait you notice a familiar car drive by the curb. “get in, y/n.” the voice says. you stand up and look at the driver, “why are you still here christian?” you ask tearfully. “just get into the car y/n, we can talk on the way there.” you get into his car and sit silently until he began the conversation. “you’re an excellent swimmer.” you nod your head thanks. “too bad i missed my last event. if i got it then i would’ve been number one throughout the college league but-“

“but cheerleaders cornered you in the locker room?” your eyes widen and you breathe out. “yeah, were you watching me this entire time?” he chuckles and nods. “for six whole hours?” he nods once again.

he stops the car and then gets out. you look at him and then down at your body, in which you were only wearing your shorts and your ripped up swim suit. he quickly took off the sweatshirt he was wearing and put it on your lap. “just wear that for now. we’re gonna go eat.” you slide the warm sweatshirt on and get out of his car. you enter the restaurant and sit down. you get a text from joy and immediately answer it before shutting your phone off completely.

you look at christian before asking, “so are you still in school?” he looks up from the menu, “yeah, i’m going for my graduates at yonsei.” your eyes widen a bit at the familiar name. “do you know my brother? his name is yuta nakamoto and he’s on varsity basketball.”

“oh nakamoto? yeah! he’s in my political theory class. cool kid.” you nod while smiling. “is yonsei a good school? i think i might transfer. i’m so done with seoul.” you say as you roll your eyes.

as you finish up dinner, your friends walk through the restaurants door’s and you all stare at each other. before joy walks over to you and pulls you out of the restaurant.

“y/n, what is wrong with you?! why do you keep isolating yourself from us one minute and the next go back to being our friend. you’re acting so fake! you and nayeon are no different than one another.” you clench your teeth and ball up your fists. “take that back.” you darkly reply. she scoffs at you so you repeat the sentence, “take that back.” you gaze up at her intimidatingly and rip off the friendship bracelet she gave you for your tenth birthday. you throw the bracelet at her and go back inside to ask christian to drop you off at your house. on the way out you look tearfully at a sobbing joy while johnny comforts her, “i am not the same as nayeon. and the fact that you compared me to her hurts but it hurt more because it came from you. my best friend of seventeen years.” you say disappointedly before leaving a sobbing girl and shocked boys behind.

mouth breathers (21/?)

summary: y/n finally has the confidence to see lucas one more time before he leaves and after he does, y/n and co. have a wild night out late friday night. y/n (once again) gets a little drunk and goes home with a mysterious man, christian yu! as she wakes up she slowly realizes it the day of nationals so she asks christian for a couple favors. after a nasty encounter with the cheerleaders, y/n leaves and meets with christian again, only to be confronted by her friends. what is this? a new couple? y/tian?

pairing: jaehyun x reader

tag list:

@ncityy04 @kevincametomyparty @apricottulips @nana-minn @stpidgenius @nctssidehoe@marklexleaf @angelichris-b97 @n4ja3m1n @fitecuddles @cowward @dong-hyuc @casualgemini @ncityluvvs @catkastrophe @moonchild2190 @toodaloola @raywishii @stayzenniesstuff @seeking-faces @mikachu-28 @sensiblebutch @peachyjunz @donghyuckster

a/n: so my updating schedule is hella messed up BUT don’t fret i think i’m going to just spontaneously update at random times. sorry. especially today, it’s literally 12:34 am and i’m posting this. but please keep enjoying this story and please, stay safe! also if you’d like, i can add you to my gc so we can chat!

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