#she broke down in a ditch in 2021 :(

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Jonas: So what are your hobbies, dude?

Jude: Oh, like, I don't know. Hanging out and stuff.

Jonas: Do you play sports?

Jude: I used to do rugby. Now I run, I guess.

Jonas: If you want, you can come with me to the gym. I go, twice a week, bouldering.

Jude: Yeah, sounds okay.

Jonas: I have been going since last year. Before that, I didn't think I was so much a sporty kind of guy, but as I began to improve, I thought that someday.... [he yammers on for several minutes]

...So! If it is something you would like to do, I think it would be quite fun.

It is against the rules to do that.

Jude: That's okay.

Jonas: Are things okay?

Jude: Yeah.

[feuqueerfire]

The Eighth Sense Live Blogging

I've been meaning to watch this since it finished airing but feels like it's gonna deal with some Emotions and trauma, so kept putting it off. the time's here though

Also, it's my first BL in a month, I finished Candy Colour Paradox on May 16 and then watched like 6 non-BL shows, that's the longest stretch I've gone without watching a BL since Dec 2021 I'm pretty sure

Ep 1 (June 20)

so we’re getting “rich people are people who struggle” when it comes to the hyung i guess

who is the other kid who’s rooming with our dude? twin? cousin? a friend? they have a joint account apparently

oh i thought the older guy and the girl were dating but they’d broken up? i feel like i’ve heard it mentioned that she’s an ex but i may have thought they broke up during the show or smth

Ep 2 (June 20)

Jihyun has already been looking for Jaewon in every room and bus and everywhere but at least Jaewon is also getting the brainworms and sitting beside him on the bus and sharing earphones

please Jaewon being like "have some conscience, don't date freshmen, we're seniors" lol

Jaewon kneeling in front of Jihyun and putting the plastic bags on his feet and helping him put on the surfing outfit ah I'm gonna bite things

Jaewon's so obsessed with Jihyun already ah they're both orbiting each other

i think i remember hearing about this shower scene

ahh the girl who made the "I'm a fast learner" joke while opening the soju bottle is soo cute, girls with round face + dark hair + bangs remain undefeated for me fr and she's so cute and has a sliiight dimple too ah

pls i knew it'd falter when it got to jaewon or jihyun ah my guy jihyun heard jaewon say he likes him during the game and couldn't process

ah love shot pls Jaeon's ex is gonna kill Jihyun

is the reason Jaewon broke up with her not because she cheated (at least he thought so)? it kinda seems like there's something else but maybe not

they're not already gonna kiss right? i feel like i remember gifs of them kissing by the beach (a la Blueming) but would it already happen at the beginning of next ep?

there’s this vibe that jaewon has like he really is a beloved senior who is very casual and knows he is respected and has the confidence that comes from being in this element for a while. It makes me understand the appeal of a college senior; many shows have a dynamic between a senior and an underclassman but not many can show me the appeal so clearly.

Watched eps 3 and 4 on my commute to and from work, so didn't write down too much

Ep 3 (June 21)

so they kissed as expected from the gifs i’ve seen and then jaewon immediately leaves and kisses his friend on the cheek later TODO

and apparently he kisses people when he’s drunk and he’s very drunk tonight poor jihyun

also jihyun drank the whole bucket he’s going through it fr

ignoring each other but they also keep looking at each other at the beach in the shower and not sitting together on the bus ah

jaewon and yoowon are really cute together fun friendship

ah the freshmen girls thought yoonwon is a lesbian be trueeeee

aeri really wants to get with jihyun, huh? sitting beside him and inviting him to lunch then dinner. good luck girl maybe actually try with bitna i would like to see it

jihyun gay as hell the way he’s tryna curve aeri

pls the way joonpyo started talking with jaewon i thought he knew him lol but nah and jaewon spoke to easily with him too

wait what is jaewon stalking jihyun lol but ig the person jihyun was meeting was jaewon but i thought it was dinner with aeri though also for a sec i was like maybe jihyun imagining jaewon

Ep 4 (June 21)

so indeed Jihyun ditching Aeri to hang out with Jaewon, so I suppose their ignoring each other era has ended, thanks to the convo Joonpyo struck up

idek man the sliiight awkwardness but the tenson of them sitting at the han river and then jihyun trying to help jaewon draw bruh

:0 Jaewon helping Jihyun put on his bag and them staring at each other and being lost while the cab waits lol

lol Aeri clocked Jaewon and Jihyun so fast. anyway she's saying she only wanted to be Jihyun's friend now date Bitna! btw what happened to her, I want girls of the world Aeri and Bitna again - they make me like being a girl with friends who are girls

Taehyung's soo annoying with constantly trying to set up Eunji and Jaewon

Jaewon's entire face changing as he spots Jihyun in the midst of studying with Eunji

we get to see a bit more of Jaewon's therapy now, seems like he's been going for a decade and is unsure about the future - there's a thing he really wants to do but hasn't had the courage to pursue. Also, his need to be liked by everybody and be nice to everybody (as initially mentioned in the last episode during the convo with Yoonwon and now here) remind me of Light On Me Daon

Eunji is soooo bitchy, making Jihyun work so hard and also lying about Jaewon wanting to be her group partner agh and even breaking the glass. I'm actually very receptive to terrible women (recently: rancid personality Yeji in From Now On, Showtime! and just terrible horrible Seon Ah in The Devil Judge) but she's sooo mean and terrible D: the way she's threatening and being rude to the owner as well agh

Jaewon saw Jihyun being picked on by Eunji and so came to walk him home? so cute

pls first the ramen eating thing at the beginning of the ep and now ending with Jaewon being like "oh? going to your room? aren't we moving too fast" lol silly

pls Jaewon's hand on thigh the almost kiss

There's something so grounded yet dreamy to this show. Blueming sort of vibes where it's so floaty but seems real

Ep 5 (June 21)

It's 1:30 am but I accidentally screwed up my sleep schedule but taking a 3.5 hour nap this afternoon, so here's an episode before I go to sleep and then wake up for workkk

"when will you skip class if not as a freshman?" o I skip classes all throughout uni <3

pls Taehyung dude so obvious about Bitna, I think he said "I like Bitna" both times during the I like you game in ep 2 lol

Aeri is soo girl of the world, moving Jihyun out of frame to take photos of food and then telling him to take photos of her before he can eat plsss let the man have his snack

pls Jaewon so obvious even fuckass Taehyung being like yah why are you nervous to call Jihyun, are you and Jihyun dating or smth lol while Yoonwon laughs from the side

plss why was this phone call sooo like it's just a phone

bruh Taehyung really said "it's fortunate that Jaewon doesn't have siblings" but Jaewon had mentioned "my dongsang would be..." or smth in ep 1 before so um and this comment made Jaewon angry

lol Aeri and Jihyun ganging up on Taehyung

ah switch from the bus of Jihyun sleeping on Jaewon's shoulder to now Jaewon sleeping on Jihyun's shoulder. drunk ass Jaewon

"Hyung, you can't kiss me today (since Jaewon's still drunk and apparently has a tendency to do that)" "When did I kiss you?" yo this would end me - aw does Jihyun have a bit watery eyes or am I imagining things

ah Jaewon did indeed have a little brother up until he was in high school at least but he's probably dead now i guess

and I'd also guess the thing Jaewon wants to do is become a photographer or something

damn, did the camera break somehow? oh did the father break it? oh I went back and I think you can hear the father drop a bunch of things after yelling at Jaewon

ah, his younger brother got into an accident while with Jaewon? was his driving?

Jaewon mentioning Jihyun at his therapy

I should definitely not be watching another episode because it's over 2am and I knowwww this ep kills people because I think Jihyun almost drowns or something buttt I saw gifs of them kissing and in bed and stuff, so I guess they start actually dating or acknowledging things at least so I'm tempted

Ep 6 (June 22)

agh fuck it, it's 2am but might as well watch about half the ep or something, until some good stuff happens but before the bad stuff

ohhh Jaewon straight up said he's going on the trip with his "boyfriend"

bruh how does this man make any money, he's giving both Jihyun and Jaewon free stuff from his store for being handsome

their little convos and clinging off each other and learning about each other and also Jaewon inquiring about Jihyun and Aeri ah they're cute

ah Jaewon telling Jihyun about his brother dying - also at first I thought he'd be Jihyun's age based on Jaewon's sentence in ep 1 but then he seemed like more than just 4-5 years younger in the flashback but ig it's just a discrepancy in flashback

plsss the way they keep staring at each other and getting closerwhile pretending to sleep

they're already surfing so I was like um they're not gonna already have the drowning right but I skipped forward a bit and they kiss in the ocean and I've seen gifs of that too, so I'll keep watching

plsss kisses in the ocean to get rid of your trauma vs to cause you trauma and it's so... casual now ah

girl they're shirtless already

not Jaewon evading the kisses while they're presumably naked and have done stuff girl are we playing hard to get this is so cute

I think I could say something about every fucking clip in this fucking shirtless scene I'm gonna scream for 7 years and also rewatch like they're??? so cute it's so cute idek

pls the drowning scene ending wth Jaewon sitting at that same place alone? if I didn't know it ended happily + the movie had a happy ending even earlier I would've lost several years of life I think

So yeah ep 6 isn't as horrific for others as it is for me but it's interesting that Bloodhounds also had an ep 6 that puts you through the wringer

Fave Scenes:

The last cuddle/make out/sex scene

honestly a whole lot of this ep, esp the parts where they're being cute and not recounting trauma

Ep 7 (June 22)

couldn't watch an ep during lunch, so here i am finally watching it

Aeri beat Taehyung up plssss fuckass

okay at least Jaewon punched him

why do they keep mentioning someone dying though like Jihyun's injured, not dead

pls Eunji is actually sooooo irritating, she's doing way too much

dang, the therapy scene even mentioned Jaewon being too tired/depressed to come to therapy and him considering "extreme decisions"

plsss the argument with Joonpyo that ended with him saying he can never beat Jihyun

interesting that Joonpyo brings up Jihyun seeming different, he really does have a different vibe and is... cooler/slightly meaner/has more "sense"

Jihyun saying his happiest memories are the ones right before the accident and Aeri saying "that good?" lol

ah her telling him about everybody gossiping about Jihyun and Jaewon going on the trip together and wondering why

What was that scene with the dude in drag though? i actually am kind of enjoying how Aeri and Jihyun are sharp and rude about others when speaking to each other but this was like... what? Why did the student act that way afterwards - so ott and mean and yet asking Jihyun to lunch? the whole thing felt like a mean, stupid joke that didn't land

Ep 8 (June 22)

aw shucks they had no scenes together last ep and now it's avoidance once again

Taehyung has the right to not forgive Seo Jaewon but he's such a fucking dick and terrible human that it's like oh fuck you

ah Jihyun spoke for Jaewon, follow him you buffooon but I know he's too weighed down by guilt

omg Joonpyo stealing the phone D: okay no i believe he'll be supportive

ah cuties as expected

oh hoooo determined, aggressive Jihyun determined to get Jaewon back (esp from Eunji) ah you've changed from the beginning of the show for real

bro tell me why everytime I hear the voicemail thing, I'm reminded of Squid Game. I guess I haven't heard enough korean voice mail messages yet

pls Jihyun really has a lot to say back to Eunji, rude freshman you're interesting

plsssss Jaewon nooooooooooooo how could you say this T.T but also Jihyun's little declarations were so good about how he goes crazy when he looks at Jaewon's face and remembers those moments

Ep 9 (June 22)

Man, I should start studying for my midterm that's soon bc I know nothing and I was only supposed to watch till ep 8 today but um um ummmmm I wanna watch more and I lack self-control

idk how appropriate it is for a therapist to call their client selish and yell like that lol but at least she's making him see that avoiding Jihyun might not be for the best

gosh this hand on thigh and reaching for hand

the way Jaewon avoided looking at Jihyun right up until he got up and Jaewon looked after him

why is this shot so close to Yoonwon's face for soooo long

dang, what's up with happy bright jumpy Jaewon today?

so she cheated on him quite a bit rip

pls Jihyun's boss and Jaewon's convo

damn Conan Gray song appearence

sure, they can have an unspoken understanding and listen to the same song and Jaewon comes to Jihyun and then kiss all open-mouthed

Ep 10 (June 22)

i think this clip is the first thing I saw from this show, a clip of this on twitter from when the movie was released or something. it's sooo cute

ah Jihyun afraid that Jaewon left and searched everywhere

they're soooo cute, clingy Jihyun and babytalking Jaewon + the "I'm still your hyung" like twice bc Jihyun keeps pushing limits

(Linguistics) Jaewon said okay let's do banmal since Jihyun keeps saying "eung"

Yoonwon I'm proud of you ^.^

Jaewon my guy has everybody begging him to stay over/go to a motel lol first Eunji now Jihyun but he curves everybody pls

no! don't become friends with Taehyung again! better not, Jaewon!!!!! grow a spine! don't understand him!!

pls the way Jihyun got caught up in not knowing when he and Jaewon would celebrate an anniversary really reminded me of NCT Markly

lol Jaewon Yoonwon besties who date younger boys

ah idk if these reconciliations with Taehyung and Eunji feel earned. At least Eunji's one makes more sense where they're still tense and not friends again but Taehyung is like... agh we're giving him an arc in 5 seconds?

yeahh i knew Yonnwon and Joonpyo were gonna hook up what with Yoonwon mention of dating younger people and Jaewon leaving them alone lol

"Were we that obvious?" girl who time rumours abound, everybody guessing it right even those random dudes after the club cancellation meeting

damn even a Eunji and Jihyun convo

congrats Jihyun on succeeding in getting Jaewon into your bed, you worked hard

oh hooooo aggressive Jihyun and them talking about it too pls i die it's a favourite trope

(Linguistics) also in that scene Jihyun was using banmal, no -yo at the end, ahh

they really took the reconciliation and forgiveness theme to heart in this ep, huh?

Faves Scenes:

a lot of it was them together and being cute

the ending with them trying out a new dynamic of aggressive Jihyun

Overall:

It was interesting and I think the show had a good grasp on characters and relationship dynamics and progression but it didn't burrow in my heart the way it did for many people, esp those who watched while on air. I liked that there were friendships each character had and that they existed outside of just this relationship; even some of the friends existed outside of just being a friend, like Yonnwon was a whole human. The female friends were great, Yoonwon is a treasure and I liked how Aeri was so sweet but so mean sometimes, a very clever city girl type. Also, the tension and cute moments between Jihyun and Jaewon were great, especially in ep 6 and 10.

I know there was stuff with the colours and going in and out of light vs dark and how it represented the characters and I caught almost none of that but I'm sure that would've made the experience better. Also, I listened to a bunch of podcasts discussing this (and still have another one Boys Love Boys Love that's going through it ep by ep) and some of them mentioned that Jihyun's actor apparently has no prior experience and was literally picked up off the street to do screen testing, a la kpop boys.

I think it's a good show that's done well but right now, it's not taking up much brain space and it also didn't make me viscerally feel anything, so it's at the place of good show but i won't be thinking much about it. In the future if I do find myself thinking about the characters or plot or whatever, I'll bump it up the same way I did for Blueming.

Rating: 6.5/10

Tiktoks:

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[nicxxx5]

I posted 10,766 times in 2022

That's 10,766 more posts than 2021!

339 posts created (3%)

10,427 posts reblogged (97%)

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I tagged 778 of my posts in 2022

#byler - 161 posts

#stranger things - 144 posts

#mike wheeler - 135 posts

#autistic - 128 posts

#actually autistic - 126 posts

#will byers - 111 posts

#heartstopper - 54 posts

#random - 51 posts

#mike wheeler i know what you are - 51 posts

#adhd - 46 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#but sometimes she also makes it sound like her opinion is the only okay one even if realistically there's nothing wring with the alternativ

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

i guarantee you mike spent his first day of kindergarten crying when he got home because he told his mom he met the prettiest person he had even seen and that he was gonna marry them and when karen asked “what’s her name?” and mike said “his name is will!” mike starting sobbing immediately and did not stop after his mom tried to tell him boys can’t marry other boys

728 notes - Posted October 1, 2022

#4

mike coming out to dustin while off on a mission in s5

they’ve been walking around for about an hour now, making casual conversation and commentary on the invalding aspects of the upside down into their world when dustin decides to ask.

“so i’ve been meaning to ask, what’s up with you and el?” dustin asks as he carefully steps over a vine. 

“huh?” mike turns around to look at him, a confused expression on his face in response to the question that to him came out of no where. “what are you talking about?”

“well you guys are barley talking to each other let alone in the same room anymore. honestly it’s been nice to not turn around to you guys making out every five seconds but likewise it’s a little off putting the space between the two of you” dustin comments as they continue on. 

“oh,” mike says “i mean that’s probably because we broke up.” 

dustin stops and looks up at him with a clear expression of shock on his face “what?!? when!?!” “uh, since a little after the rest of us got back from lenora?” mike offers, getting a little uncomfortable by how surprised dustin is. 

dustin looks at him with utmost sympathy “aw man dude that sucks, i’m so sorry.” mike shakes his head “nah it’s fine. it’s for the best i think actually.” dustin sputters “”for the best”?! man what are you talking about? you guys were completely wrapped up in each other just last summer, how could you even say that?”

“dustin-”

dustin continues rambling “i mean you guys were so focused on each other that you ended up ditching us constantly! which was just as annoying as it was sweet by the way.”

“dustin-”

“i mean! hell i thought you guys would be together forever considering when you yelled at us that you loved her that one time-”

mike turns around and snaps “well you’re wrong dustin!”

dustin stops short and looks at mike, eyes wide in shock and taken aback from his outburst. mike deflates a bit after seeing the reaction from one of his bestfriends. he sighs looking down at the ground. “you’re wrong. el and i aren’t gonna be together forever. and i don’t love her like that. hell i’m not even sure i ever actually liked her like that.”

“what? but you guys were together like all the time. and kissing all the time. will even said that you told her you loved her when she was fighting vecna?” dustin replies even more confused

mike sighs again “yeah, i did do all those things, because i thought that’s what i was supposed to do. what all guys are supposed to do with their girlfriends. and especially in that moment in the pizza cooler, i was so afraid that if i didn’t say what el wanted me to say, that she would have died. but...” mike pauses and looks up at the sky, almost like he’s contemplating something. “none of those things i did were because i liked her romantically.”

the two of them keep walking but dustin keeps staring at mike, occasionally looking down at his feet to watch where he steps, because some things still aren’t making sense to him. “okay, but like dude, i don’t get it? when she left with the byers, you were so mopey and miserable. i mean we could hardly get you to leave you basement, like, ever. and other times all you would do is complain about joyce’s telemarketer job because you couldn’t get through the phonelines every time you tired to call them. i thought that was all from you missing your girlfriend?”

mike sighs again, but this time it’s shaky. he looks nervous as he turns a concerning combination of both pale and flushed. without turning to look at dustin he replies. “yeah, i mean i was miserable. but...el...she wasn’t the only one who left hawkins. i mean, she left with the byers remember?”

dustin’s face still looks confused, even as he’s looking down to watch where he steps. “yeah i remember but what does that have to do with- oh, oh right will. i mean we all missed will dude, you’re not the only one.”

“dustin.” “what?” mike still hasn’t turned around to look at him, his head’s hanging low. finally he does turn around and his face is pale and eyes glassy, dustin’s never seen him look this nervous and scared before. he looks at dustin and his voice is shaky “please don’t make me say it.”

with the same puzzled look on his face dustin goes “say what? mike, i really don’t get...” suddenly every thing in dustin’s brain clicks. his eyes go wide as he finally, finally puts the pieces together. he whispers “holy shit”

mike looks away and that’s pretty much all dustin needs to confirm what he was thinking. “holy shit”

“dustin-”

“oh my god dude. holy shit”

mike sighs, trying to keep his breath as even as he can “look if you want to head back now i can finish this on my own, but please-”

dustin looks at him like he just said he was gonna go and put one of the demodogs on a leash “what?! dude no! are you insane? i just can’t believe i never fucking noticed!”

mike now looks confused “huh?”

“dude it makes so much sense now!” dustin looks at him like he just gave him the simplest answer to the word’s most complicated question “i mean it explains everything! ever since we were kids! how you were so protective of him, how you always spoke to him in that voice-”

“dustin-”

“i mean you were so defensive when it came to him, i mean you wouldn’t even let us within five feet of him that one night on halloween-”

See the full post

1,428 notes - Posted November 12, 2022

#3

family members NEED NEED NEED NEED NEED to do research when someone gets an autism/neurodivergent diagnosis because i guarantee you what you think you know is either incorrect or barely scratches the surfaces of what the diagnosis is. and as a personal note i am so so so so SO tired of experiencing ableism in my own family 

1,874 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

#2

is it an autism thing to be filled with an uncomfortable feeling and sometimes slight anger when things are not done/feel/look a certain way? like if my kitchen is not organized the way i want it i get so irritated?? if my sheets don’t feel right i want to scream and burst into tears??? idk if this is me being selfish or what????

2,824 notes - Posted June 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

imagine what if all the byers (or at least will and jonathan) are staying with the wheelers during the upside down apocalypse in s5. holly, being the little 6 yro that she is knowing no personal boundaries, has been snooping in mike’s room when he’s not home and found the letters he wrote to will. 

as the byers are moving into to the wheeler household, holly beams and  jumps up to hug will because she hasn’t seen him in so long ”will!” and greets her just as enthusiastically “hi holly! how are you?” still smiling she says “good! i have something for you!” will looks at her surprised “you do?” she grins ”yeah!” she starts bounding up the stairs to get whatever it is she has for him. as she gets to the top of the stairs she yells down “i found it in mike’s room!” 

mike who had been half listening whips around when he hears what holly just said. realizing what she might be referring to he yells and tries to stop her “hey! holly! wait! stay out of my room!” but its too late as holly is now coming down the stairs with a stack of envelopes in her hand and she hands them to will “see! they all have your name on them”

will takes them from her hand and looks at them confused. meanwhile, mike behind him has turned white as a ghost and started to panic as he looks at all his letters to will that are signed “love, mike” and where never meant to be sent are now in the hands of their recipient 

3,413 notes - Posted October 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[lovelyyy-luna]

honeymoon

pairing: (negan x fem!reader)

fandom: the walking dead

pronouns: she/her

type: fluff

warning: some cursing, sexual innuendos

word count: 1872

date: december 19, 2021

masterlist

Running around from city to city is pretty exhausting, but seeing the sights with the love of your life is one of the best experiences anyone could ask for.

Even though the earth has taken over most of the places you travel through it is still beautiful.

In the car driving through Buffalo, NY you look over at your boyfriend and smile at him.

“Is there a reason why you’re staring at me darlin’?” his raspy voice broke the silence.

“What? Is it a crime to stare at my boyfriend?” you say with a smile.

“Of course not darlin’, you can stare at me all you want,” he smiles and leans over and kisses you on the lips. The both of you stare at each other for just a few seconds and you gently push his face away so he can look at the road.

“Pay attention to the road please,” you ask as you resume looking at your journal.

“Pay attention to what darlin’? We are the only ones on the road, besides those dead fuckers. And if we wanted to we could park the truck in the middle of the road and have our own little fun,” he said leaning over kissing your neck and that causes the wheel and the car to jerk making you shriek.

“Negan! Oh my god please pay attention to the road. I would like to get to Niagara falls in one piece,” you say with nervous laughter.

He chuckles, “okay okay.” it was silent for a little bit, “so why are you dragging me to Niagara falls? It’s just a waterfall, I went there when I was younger and it was boring.”

“You went there when you were younger? Was that when the television was invented?” you teased. You knew he hated when you poked fun at his age.

And with that, he stopped the car aggressively in the middle of the freeway and hopped on top of you kissing you.

You both spent a good few hours in the middle of the freeway and when you were both finished you headed to the nearest place you could call home for the night.

You were close to the falls but you wanted to see them in the light so you parked the truck at a mall.

The sun was coming down and it gave you just enough light to walk into the mall and find a place to camp.

Walking into the mall flooded back a lot of memories of when you and your friends would ditch school and go shopping with what little money you stole from your parents’ wallets.

The mall itself was completely dead. No sign of any walkers, if anything they were starved out.

You go up to the mall directory and find that there is a mattress store on the top floor so you both head over there. You do a quick sweep to make sure there were any dead or living around and luckily there weren’t.

You two got settled in the best California king bed you could find in the store and it was like heaven.

You two cuddled for most of the night but you couldn’t sleep as easy as Negan could in unfamiliar places.

You got up from the bed and decided to walk around. You went from store to store browsing at things shining your flashlight in some cases, but nothing piqued your interest until you came upon one store. Bridal Central.

You walked through the store looking at each white dress and just daydreaming. A creak from the door caused you to break and draw your gun towards the noise.

“Woah, woah darlin’ it's just me,” Negan walked over to you and pushed the aimed gun towards the floor. “What are you doing here? You nearly scared me half to death when you weren’t in bed.”

“Sorry. I couldn’t sleep.”

“You don't have to apologize, just next time that you can’t sleep and decide to wander, maybe you can wake me up to warn me,” he smiled and kissed your forehead. “Now come on and let’s go back to bed.”

“I'm not tired and I still wanna look around the store.”

“Why do you wanna look around here? It’s just a bunch of wedding dresses.”

“I dont know it’s just… I never got to experience any of this.”

“Well, I have. Cost me a fortune and all that we ended up doing that day was arguing about every little damn thing. Glad I never have to do that again.”

You looked up at him and he looked back at you, he could see the sadness in your eyes. “I'm sorry darlin’ I didn't mean it like that. How about this, you try on some dresses, and I’ll make us some breakfast?”

Your smile lit up the room and he was just happy that you were happy. He left and you went into the aisles and picked out the ones you liked.

When you were younger your dream wedding dress would have been probably a ballgown or something like that but now you wanted something that made you feel more beautiful and more adult-like.

You tried on probably 30 dresses and the last one you put on was the one. The dress hugged you in all the right places and it made you happy. You couldn’t stop looking at yourself in the mirror, feeling your dress on your skin.

You walked out onto the platform and started twirling around smiling.

“Well don't you look just beautiful,” Negan's voice boomed behind you.

You turn around and you see him in a black tux. “What are you wearing?”

“Well I just thought a bride should have her groom,” he said smiling.

You turned towards the mirror with your arm looped around his and all you could feel was happiness.

“I think we should get going to the falls, don't you think darlin’?” Negan asked, looking over at you.

“Oh yeah, of course, let me just get changed.”

“What are you talking about? We are going to both wear this to get up to the falls.”

“Really?”

“Yes. now I already put our stuff in the truck so let’s get a move on.”

You were giddy and full of joy. The car ride was pretty quick and with the windows down and a bit of concentration you could hear the water.

Negan parked the car and you sprinted off to get one of those informational maps where the sign was.

“Y/N turn around.” Negan said.

You turned and he had one of the polaroid-looking cameras. He told you to smile and you did.

You walked up to him and took the printed photo out of his hands and began to shake it.

“What the hell are you doing?” he asked in a half-serious tone.

“What? I'm shaking the polaroid. You know like the song tells you to?”

“Listen, as someone who was around when these were mainly used and we didn’t have any fancy camera phones, you never shake them. You put them in a dark place.” he stuck the photo in his tux pocket.

You stare at him for a second, “wow that was a great story grandpa. Can you tell me about the time when you had to go to school on a horse and buggy?”

He took a step closer to you and was towering over you, “you know I would usually put you in your place when you make those jokes about me being old and shit, but since you look so beautiful in that dress we'll have some fun later.” his hand went under your chin and tilted your head up. Gently kissing you on the lips. “Now why don't we go see the falls.”

You nod and he leads the way. You start getting closer and you can hear the roaring of the water, you were going over what was on the pamphlet you took.

“Oh, babe! Did you know that the first person to ever go over the falls was a 63-year-old schoolteacher named Annie Edson Taylor?”

“I did not know that beautiful, did she survive?”

“She did! She lived to be 82.”

He looked over at you smiling. You finally got to the falls and they were beautiful. The mist coming off the falls and the light shining through it was creating a rainbow and the moment was just perfect. You were in awe, completely mesmerized you didn't notice Negan taking a photo of you.

You turn around and see him smiling. You extend your hand for him to grab and he does. With you wrapped around his arm, you put your head against him.

The falls themselves were so loud you could barely hear yourself think but overall it was peaceful.

“Y/N darling?” Negan said. But you couldn't hear him, he cleared his throat and you still didn’t hear him.

He slipped his arm out of your grip and tapped you on your shoulder. You turned to him and he was on his knee.

You were shocked, “Negan? What the hell are you doing?” he couldn't hear you and you couldn't even hear yourself.

“I said ‘will you marry me?!’” he yelled back.

You knew what he was asking, it was the very obvious position he was in. down on one knee with a ring in his hand. You just couldn't believe it.

without your control, you started nodding your head and tears started swelling up around your eyes.

He got up off his knee and slid the ring onto your finger. You couldn’t believe what had just happened.

Staring at each other in shock he leans in and kisses you. Then out of nowhere, the sky started to rain and so the two of you rushed over to one of those gift shops.

“So you really want to marry me?” You ask.

“Of course I do.”

“What about what you said before? About you being glad you never have to do this again?”

“I know I said that but all I meant by that was the stress of planning a wedding. Not that I didn’t wanna make you Mrs. Negan Smith.”

“I love you so much, babe. But what makes you think I’m gonna take your last name? I think you sound pretty good as Negan L/N. What do you think?”

“How about L/N-Smith?” He suggests.

“I like it.” You smile at him.

He leans in for another kiss and right before his lips meet yours, a low growl and hand tears your dress, and as if on cue you lift the skirt of your dress and from your garter belt pull out your hunting knife and stab the walker in the head.

Blood oozed out of its head and splattered onto your wedding dress.

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen you so attractive,” Negan said, looking you up and down.

“No, I don’t. There’s blood all over my dress.”

“I don’t think that matters because in a little bit that dress is going to be off you.” With a smirk on his face, he swept you off your feet and walked you back to the truck on the way for a honeymoon adventure.

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[hot-wiings]

The One Where Denki And Mina Think Katsuki Needs To Be A Softer, Nicer Boyfriend, And An Insecure Katsuki Agrees, But [Y/N] [L/N] Doesn't Want A Nicer Boyfriend, She Wants Him.

Requested By: @spicyhokage

Edited: 1-6-2021

It was late when Katsuki came in through class 2-A's dormitory doors. Being his second year at UA the school was allowing students to go back into student internships. With Best Jeanist still off the streets, Katsuki wound up interning with Fatgum, using the link between Eijirou and him to get in. Katsuki hadn't expected to be out for so long, there had been a bad villain that showed up at a different agency and it was a perfect match for both his and Fatgum's abilities. Fatgum had allowed Katsuki to work on it with him, nevermind the fact that Katsuki had already planned a study date for your upcoming test Monday, he jumped at the chance to work with the heroes.

Katsuki knew, or at least he hoped, that you wouldn't be that mad or upset at him for ditching you at the very last minute. It was a leg up in the hero industry, it was a helping hand, he could make more connections and improve his skills. As a student hero, you should know how important this is. He'd want you to make the same choice if it was reversed.

Despite abandoning your date, Katsuki wasn't heartless. He bought a bouquet of hydrangeas as an apology. Apologies weren't something he was good at, but he hoped you would accept it. Katsuki was hoping you would be up waiting for him in the dormitory lounge when he came back, but he knew that one was a longshot. He'd rather have you in bed resting, or making up for the studying he promised to help with but hadn't. Katsuki was hoping he'd find you in the dormitory lounge waiting for him, but instead, he found two of his peers.

"You were out awfully late, weren't you?"

"Shut it, pink face. I need to go see [Y/N] and then head to bed, like a smart student. You and dunce face do realize that we have a big test Monday, don't you?"

Katsuki marched right past Mina and Denki, who were sitting on the couch, towards the elevator to get up to your dorm. If he was right, Mr. Aizawa would be asleep by this hour, and getting into your dorm would be no issue. Katsuki stopped walking towards the elevator when he hears Minas' voice speak out again.

"Did you really get hydrangeas for her? You ditched her for your internship and you got hydrangeas? Girls like roses Katsuki. If a guy ever brought me hydrangeas, I'd kick his butt to the door. Queens deserve better."

"What the fuck are you implying raccoon eyes?"

Katsuki turned back around to yell at Mina for implying that he wasn't good enough for you. He nearly crumpled the flowers by clenching his hand. Mina didn't know what she was talking about. He had brought you hydrangeas several times before, you never complained about it. Denki spoke up to try and intervene Katsuki from blowing up on Mina.

"I think what Mina meant to say is that we're just worried for you. You really like [Y/N], right? Take it from a guy who gets dumped by girls a lot. Pretty girls like [Y/N] don't need to sit around waiting for guys like us. While you're trying to further your career you're ditching her, not to mention, when is the last time you showed her affection?"

"For starters, dunce face, don't call my girlfriend pretty. Secondly, there are no guys like us and girls like [Y/N], there's me, her, and all of you fucking extras that need to get out of my relationship."

"Fine, don't take our advice. Just so you know, [Y/N] isn't in her dorm, she's in the kitchen."

Mina practically sings her words out, and Katsuki changes his course of route from the elevator to the kitchen. He had a scowl on his face the entire time, courtesy of Mina and Denki. He had to restrain himself from beating them with the bouquet. Katsuki reached the kitchen door and he took a minute to recompose himself from his previous anger to a calmer version of himself. He pushed the door open with a calmer smile on his face but stops after opening it halfway.

"What's the answer to number two?"

"Uhm... 6?"

"That's right! Here's your reward."

Katsuki clenched his fist, practically ruining the flowers. He ditched you and your study date, he shouldn't be getting so mad at seeing you and Deku study together. You can have friends other than him. You can be around members of the male gender other than him. Even if it is shitty Deku. You're allowed to have a life outside of Katsuki, but as Deku broke apart a cookie and threw it right into your mouth, a sweet reward for getting the question right, he was ready to toss hands with the boy.

"We're gonna ace this test Monday. Thanks for studying with me Deku. I hate studying alone and you're great at math. Usually, Katsuki helps me, but he got busy."

"It's no problem, [Y/N]. Seriously, I'm always here if you need me."

Katsuki quietly pulled the door shut instead of going in and interrupting you and dumb Deku. Maybe Mina was right. Katsuki thought about it more as he walked back to Mina and Denki. He didn't really show you affection that much, and he did spend a lot of time in the gym or at his internship. His idea of a date was training together or studying. You probably hated the flowers but chose not to speak on it. If he didn't change, change now and fast he was going to lose you to that shit-munch. He needed to show you he was the better more deserving man. As Katsuki stared at Mina and Denki he uttered the words he never wanted to say to them.

"I want your fuckin' help."

"Bring [Y/N] roses. Girls love roses. Not a daffodil, not baby's breath, not a tulip. Roses."

Roses were Mina's first piece of advice to Katsuki. According to her, girls only cared about getting roses, and every other flower was inferior. She also said apology flowers must be paired with chocolates. Katsuki personally thought that was bullshit. He had been bringing you different breeds of flowers throughout your entire relationship and never once had you vocalized disdain for it. But Mina is a girl unlike him, so she must have had some kind of special insight. You must have just not wanted to make him feel bad for messing up. Katsuki knew he was inexperienced in the dating area, but he hadn't realized he was screwing up so badly.

Katsuki did exactly what Mina said. Saturday afternoon, Katsuki showed up at your dorm with a bouquet of yellow roses and a box of chocolates, the milk chocolate kind. According to Mina, milk chocolate was better than dark chocolate. He knocked on the door after checking his phone for the time. He knew you didn't like getting up early on the weekend, and you had been up late studying the night before. Twelve-thirty seemed like a reasonable time to stop by.

You opened the door, slippers on your feet, eyes barely opened, and a crinkled forehead as you tried to slightly open them to see who you were staring at. You had a pair of shorts on and one of Katsuki's sweatshirts. One you promised you hadn't seen and swore he must've lost in the dorms laundry facility. Katsuki smiled down at your sleepy form, you were adorable. Once you registered who it was you yawned and crossed your arms as you lazily leaned against the door frame and let a small smile cross your face.

"What're you doing here? You were out so late last night, you must be exhausted."

"I could say the same about you, you look like the epitome of tired. How late were you up?"

"No later than two. When did you get in?"

Katsuki didn't want to tell you he came in at midnight. You would've asked him why he didn't come to see you, and he didn't want to say that he saw you and Deku studying together. He didn't want to admit that he felt pained at seeing you together so close. Pained at you needing and using Deku as you would him. Katsuki held up the roses and chocolates and thrust them into your arms.

"I didn't even check the time. I brought you apology flowers and chocolate for ditching you. They're roses!"

"O-Oh, they're yellow."

You took the items he thrust into your arms and moved further into your dorm so he could come in. You set the chocolate down on the bed but kept observing the flowers. Katsuki was quite proud of the flowers he picked out. They were pretty and blooming, and he thought you'd like them. Yellow roses would look good in your dorm room. You, on the other hand, were not ecstatic with the flowers. You bit your lip and tried to make your smile bigger. Did he know what yellow roses symbolized? He had to of known, even Denki would know something this simple. Maybe you were reading into it too much, they're just flowers. It was a gift, not a death sentence to your relationship.

"I'll have to go to the kitchen and see if there's anything I can put them in."

Katsuki could sense you being standoffish. He assumed you were upset at him for ditching you the previous night. He did the flowers right, he would just have to go the extra mile to make you happy with him by serving your needs.

"I can go to the kitchen and find a vase! You just shower or get dressed, or whatever, and I'll even bring you up some lunch."

"You don't have to do that. I can get dressed and do it myself."

"I don't have to do it, I want to do it."

Katsuki cupped your cheeks and pressed a quick kiss against your lips. They were soft and sweet. Katsuki could taste the residue sugar from the cookies you had been eating the night before and he pulled back with a frown, making you frown just as much. He wasn't mad that you didn't brush your teeth, although you should have. He was upset at the reminder that Deku was with you when you were supposed to be having a study date. He was upset that Deku was the one who stayed up with you until two in the morning. He was upset that Deku was acting like a better boyfriend when he was just your friend and nothing more. Katsuki should've been doing more, he should've been doing a better job.

"I really am sorry for ditching you yesterday. If you want, we can redo the date today."

"I really missed you yesterday. I did some cramming with Deku, but I don't think he's as good of a teacher as you are."

"Of course dumb Deku isn't as good as me. I'll grab my books before I come back, we'll have a nice do-over date."

Hearing you say that Izuku wasn't as good as him made him feel good. It was slightly reassuring to Katsuki, yet he couldn't stop this budding feeling every time he thought about you and Izuku studying last night.  

"Buy her something nice. Something nice like jewelry. I always see you buying her practical stuff, that's boring. Girls like pretty shiny gifts from their boyfriends."

Mina's second piece of advice had been to buy you some jewelry. According to Mina jewelry was an acceptable gift for a boyfriend to buy his girlfriend. Katsuki had been buying you practical and weird gifts throughout your relationship. He thought they were good, he thought they were sweet and enjoyable. He supposed he was wrong. With every piece of advice from Mina, Katsuki was getting punched in the gut. He thought he was treating you right, he thought he was doing this whole relationship thing right, but he wasn't. If he didn't fix things fast then dumb Deku would steal you away from him.  

Katsuki felt inside of his pocket for the necklace he bought you. He had Mina help him pick it out that morning. It had been sitting there in a pretty little black box with a red bow waiting to be opened. He wanted to give it to you when he gave you the flowers, but he didn't want you to view it as an apology gift, he wanted it to be viewed as a sweet, 'I was thinking of you', gift.

By the time Katsuki had gotten back to your dorm room, you were all showered and dressed in fresh clothes. You were wearing comfortable clothes, and Katsuki had to smile again. You looked simply perfect. With your hair pushed back by a headband, sweatpants, and another one of his sweaters which you practically swam in, you looked angelic to him. Katsuki put a bag containing your lunch on the small table you had in your room, he placed the vase containing your new flowers there too before pulling out your lunch. You grabbed his book bag from him with a smile and began to pull his books out and place them alongside yours in a neatly organized fashion to create a nice study space.

"What'd you find for lunch?"

"There wasn't much in the fridge to quickly grab, so I made some curry."

"I love it when you cook. It always tastes good."

You smiled at Katsuki and placed a quick peck against his cheek before taking a seat next to him. His chest swelled with pride as he watched you freely dig into the container of food. You liked his cooking, and as he watched you feast in it he knew you weren't lying. At least he did one thing right on his own. One more wrong thing and he was sure he was going to blow a casket.

"Aren't you gonna eat?"

You stared at him with half-lidded eyes and spoke with your mouth half full, barely pronouncing your words but Katsuki still knew what you were saying. He stopped staring at you and began working on his own dish. Every once and a while Katsuki noticed your eyes go from your food to his face and then to the flowers before diving back to the food. He supposed you really liked them. It felt good knowing he was doing it right. It felt good knowing you were happy and content with him for the moment.

You wiped your face off and just as you were about to clean up your lunch mess Katsuki jumped up and took care of it. He grabbed your lunch containers and closed them before tossing them back into the bag he brought them in. He took a wet wipe and wiped up your table and then proceeded to toss the dirty wipe in the trash bin.

"Ready to study?"

"Yup! You're a really good teacher, I really look forward to our study dates."

You walked over to your bed and took a seat on the ground whereas Katsuki laid across your bed in a position where he could have a book out and also easily look over the edge to see what you were doing. This was how you always did your study dates. Katsuki would work and watch to see if you were slacking off, then you would switch books and quiz each other. Slowly the clock clicked away, each passing second made Katsuki grow antsy. He wanted to give you the stupid neckless he had inside his pocket. Katsuki huffed as he slammed his book shut and pushed it off of the bed. You craned your neck back to see what Kastuki was doing before narrowing your eyes, no way did he think he could stop studying while he made you work.

"What are you doing? Are you studying up there?"

"No, c'mere."

You huffed as you pulled yourself up off of the floor and crawled onto the bed next to Katsuki. A mixture of blankets and skin touched you as he wrapped his arms around your body and pulled you so your back was flush against his chest. He let his head rest inside your neck, and you struggled to pull out of his grip.

"What are you doing? We're supposed to be studying."

"I don't wanna study right now. The test is Monday, we can still study tomorrow."

You bit your lip as you contemplated his offer. He had a point. The test was Monday morning, and it was only Saturday, not to mention that you had studied with Deku yesterday. The offer was just so out of character for Katsuki, part of you wondered if it was a trick and thought he was going to pull out a piece of rolled-up newspaper to hit you with like he did for Eijirou. You let yourself sink into his arms, you had been up to this for a while, you deserved a break.

"Okay, but only a small break. got it?"

"Mm. I got you something."

Katsuki pulled away from your body to dig in his pocket and pull out the small black box. You rolled over so you could face him and your gift with a growing smile on your face. You loved Katsuki's gifts. Whether it was intentional or not, he always got you something you needed. Whether it was you complaining about cold hands or your lack of working pens, the next day you would find gloves and a pack of pens with a note from him saying something stupid, like 'You better use these to take your shitty notes' and 'If you get arthritis in your hands you can't become a hero'. It was always a surprise and a delight. Katsuki handed over the box and you tore the bow off before opening it.

"It's a necklace!"

"Oh, it's very cute."

You tried not to frown as you looked over the necklace. You tried you're best to put a beaming smile on your face. It was still a gift and you needed to show your gratitude. It wasn't as conventional as your other gifts, but it was still pretty. Maybe it had a special meaning? Maybe he saw it and thought of you? It was just so unusual. He never bought you jewelry and the style was obviously not his.

"Did you pick it out yourself?"

You tried not to make it sound like you were fishing for an explanation as you smiled and clasped it around your neck to show how much you 'loved' it. Katsuki contemplated telling you he picked it out himself but seeing as you were friends with Mina he wasn't sure what she'd say and he didn't want to look bad.

"Well, I got a little help. Figured a female's perspective wouldn't hurt."

Suddenly you felt sick to your stomach. Not only had he given you a necklace, an unconventional and unusual gift compared to the ones he usually gave, but he let a girl pick it out. There was no special meaning, it was just pretty. Your mind went back to the flowers. The yellow roses. He bought you yellow roses. Your whole relationship he brought different breeds and types, never roses. Especially not yellow, the color that represented friendship.

"Thank you, I love it!"

You wrapped your arms around Katsuki, bringing him into a big, tight hug. Although you were with him physically, mentally you were in other places. That dark place in the back of your head was telling you why he gave you these offhanded weird gifts. The dark place in the back of your head was filling you with untrue silly thoughts, yet you couldn't help but let your head entertain them and wonder. The more you wondered, the more you wanted to rip your neckless off.

mina

Pop music could be heard blaring loudly from a BlueTooth speaker connected to Mina's phone as you walked into her dorm room. Without knocking you barged right in, Mina supposed there really was a reason you and Katsuki were together. You were both bluntly rude and sometimes you didn't even realize it. You flopped down at the foot of her bed and looked up at her before greeting your pink friend.

"Hey."

"Hi."

Mina didn't look up from what she was doing, she continued flicking through the pages of some fashion-forward girly magazine as she replied to you. You ran your fingers through her soft duvet as you looked around her dorm room. It looked like Claires threw up on the walls and it gave you a major headache. You and Mina had two different style sets, two sets of style very far apart.

"Did you study for the test tomorrow?"

Unlike her room, that was a subject that would give Mina a headache. Mina roughly flipped another page of the magazine she was holding as she let out an exhausted breath.

"No, and before you scold me neither did Denki. I swear Katsuki is rubbing off on you."

At the sound of his name, your hand went up and touched the necklace he got for you. You only wore it in case you saw Katsuki today, you planned to wear it for the next two weeks, then you'd pretend you lost it. You weren't a necklace kind of person, and it wasn't even sentimental. Mina tossed her magazine down on the bed and a smile played on her face as she saw the necklace between your fingers.

"That's a cute necklace? Did Katsuki get it for you?"

"Yeah, he did."

You answer Mina's questions and inquiries as you let the gem on the necklace slip out of your fingers. You couldn't help but let your face slip into a frown. You couldn't help it, the more you thought about the necklace, the further you fell into dark thoughts. It wasn't even the fact that it wasn't sentimental like all of the other gifts he gave you, it was the fact he let some girl pick it out. You weren't a controlling person, not remotely. If Katsuki wanted female friends he could have them, he did have them. While he wouldn't call Mina a friend, she was. Mina was a girl you felt comfortable with, however, you had already had a girl in mind of who you thought helped him, a girl who wasn't Mina. A girl you didn't feel comfortable with, a girl you knew you shouldn't feel comfortable with.

"Well, it's very pretty, if I had a boyfriend who brought me gifts like that I'd be over the moon. So I take it things between you and Katsuki are good then?"

"I guess, um, I just... I think Katsuki is cheating on me."

You started off in a stutter before you bluntly spoke out your words. The moment your voice hits your ears you cringe at yourself and cross your arms. It was such a ridiculous thought. A horrendous and dark thought that, lately, kept crossing your mind more often than it should be crossing and occurring.

"What? Why?!"

"He's just acting so strange and weird."

You pulled yourself up into a cross-legged sitting position on Mina's bed to talk to her. Mina moved and adjusted her own body, completely immersed in what you were saying. You played with your hand as your next words came out.

"Whenever he's out late he always, and I mean always comes to my dorm before going to bed. He didn't come to my dorm last Friday, instead, he shows up at my dorm Saturday afternoon with flowers."

"Flowers are sweet and romantic though. The fact that he bought them for you means he cares."

"Katsuki always brings me a wide variety of flowers. Hydrangeas, snapdragons, hyacinth. It's out of the ordinary and romantic, but this time he bought roses. Not just any roses, yellow roses. What kind of statement is he trying to make with that one?! Everyone knows yellow roses mean friendship and red means romance. Even Denki knows that."

Mina scratched the back of her head nervously. She supposed she should have explained to Katsuki to get red roses. Katsuki was unaware of things in the romance department. Mina needed to try and dial things back before Katsuki found out what you're thinking.

"Katsuki isn't very romantically smart, you're his first serious romantic relationship."

"Yeah, but we've been dating for nearly a year, and that's not even it. We were studying yesterday, and you know how strict Katsuki is when he's studying, you've seen him with Eijirou. Katsuki was not strict at all, he made me stop studying to cuddle. To cuddle! Can you believe that?"

"Well... Maybe he's trying to be sweeter to you, I mean look at the necklace he got you, it's so romantic."

"Don't even get me started on the necklace! Katsuki always brings me sentimental and meaningful gifts. He buys me pencil led when I'm low, and notebooks when he sees my paper is getting down to the end, he buys me gloves when he notices mine are lost or have holes. They're stupid and meaningful and I love it."

You ran your fingers through your hair distressed and upset. Yanking your hands through a few new forming snarls from laying on the bed, practically pulling some hair strands out.

"The necklace isn't meaningful, it doesn't have sentiment, and he didn't even pick it out himself! Some girl picked it out for him."

"Why, didn't he say who? It doesn't mean anything. The girl is probably a friend."

"I think I already know who the girl is. It's some stupid brunette from Shiketsu High. They met during his supplementary lessons, they met again after their internship heroes started working together regularly. She saw him when we were walking to get coffee and she just had to stop and talk to him, she was obviously flirting with him."

You had never felt more awkward at that moment. She was blatantly flirting with him, whether she knew that you were together or not, you didn't know. You didn't expect Katsuki to talk about his relationship during his internship, he was supposed to be working, but you didn't trust her. You knew from that moment the brunette was going to be trouble. She was interested in your boyfriend and that spelled out trouble to you.

"'had a little help' he says, staking her claim on what's mine I say."

"[Y/N], I don't think katsuki would cheat on you. He wouldn't do that."

Mina felt completely nervous. She hadn't realized you and she had such different opinions on romance and what was wooing and not. Katsuki was romantic, he was doing nothing wrong, she just didn't see it from your point of view. Mina had worried Katsuki for nothing and gave bad romance advice which resulted in you worrying. Katsuki was going to kill her, she needed to fix this.

"[Y/N], Katsuki loves you a lot, don't worry, okay?"

"Okay, you're probably right, I'm thinking too much. I'm going back to my dorm, try to get some studying in before the test tomorrow."

Despite the pink girl's words you still didn't feel good. As you stood up and walked to her door, you still felt a rush of negative thoughts and emotions. You still felt winded and emotional. You still felt hurt and fearful of your relationship. You felt the same as you did when you walked into her dorm.  

You nervously tapped your leg up and down on the ground repeatedly as Mr. Ectoplasm and his copies passed out the scored math tests to the class. You supposed a quirk like that must be very useful as a teacher. You kept making little glances over at where Katsuki was sat and your heart clenched. You felt so ridiculous for suspecting he was cheating. You felt completely horrible. Mina was right, Katsuki loved you. Katsuki loved you and he would never cheat. The simple thought that he would was wrong, yet, this lingering feeling told you he was. 

Maybe you should talk to him about it. Maybe you should tell him and express your fears and worries. It was better to talk about things like this, it was better to express yourself rather than locking it up and away, where it could fester and damage your relationship. You looked back over at Katsuki, who caught your glace this time and smiled at you. The smile made you feel sick and guilty for feeling this way. You would tell him how you were feeling after class. The sooner it was out in the open the better. 

You turned back to your test sheet and frowned at the result. You got a forty. Forty. After all that studying you had received a forty. You wanted to be mad at Katsuki for not making you study harder, but you had studied with Izuku first hand. Maybe Ectoplasm would let you take a retest. Ectoplasm dismissed you all and you quickly folded up your test paper in half so no one could see your result as you exited. After you packed up your school bag you stood out in the hall and waited for Katsuki. 

The nerves in your stomach churned. You didn't want to tell Katsuki the negative thoughts that were running through you, you didn't want to tell him how you had dark thoughts and worries about him cheating, but you had to tell him. You had to put your thoughts and theories to rest. Katsuki came out in the hall with his own test papers in hand and you both began to walk to your next class. 

"What'd you score?"

"Got a ninety-two. You?"

"A forty."

You sighed as you clenched the paper in your hand. That was a D. Katsuki was on the fritz. He was trying to take Mina's advice. He wanted to be nice and softer to you like Mina told him he had to be, but he couldn't. You should've studied harder, he should've made you study harder. Katsuki gritted his teeth and took a deep breath to calm himself down before responding. 

"You'll do better next time!" 

"What is wrong with you?"

"What do you mean?"

You looked at Katsuki like he grew two heads. This wasn't your boyfriend, and you slightly wondered if Toga had infiltrated UA. He was never kind like this, he wasn't a positive person. He was supposed to yell at you. Tell you to study better. Tell you you needed to get good scores if you were going to become a hero with him. 

"It's just a bad test score, not every score can be a baller."

"I failed my test, you're supposed to yell at me. Tell me I'm stupid, tell me to study more. Tell me anything but that fake positivity shit! You are not acting like yourself, are you cheating on me? Is this guilt? Are you guilty?"

"No! Fuck, no!"

Katsuki dropped his bag and wrapped his arms around you. That wasn't how you meant to tell him about the thoughts you were having. You wanted to tell him calmly and respectfully, you hadn't meant to flat out accuse him, your thoughts just need up tumbling out that way. Katsuki's own reassuring words came stumbling out in your ear as he tightly gripped you against him.  

"You are perfect and beautiful, and so important to me. I would never cheat on you, I would never fuck up what I have with you. Why would you think that? I don't wanna make you feel that fuckin' way."   

"I know that. I know you wouldn't, but you have been acting so weird and different." 

"I need to be nice or else I'm going to lose you. I got insecure, but shit, I should be. You are so perfect, and you deserve roses and jewelry and the world. You deserve someone who cuddles you instead of studying and who doesn't make you feel like they're cheating and fuck-" 

You pull out of Katsuki's tight grip and cup his cheeks. Your fingers skimmed over his skin tenderly as you stared up at his red eyes and noticed how watery they were. Your heart broke, you thought he was unfaithful but he was really just scared of losing you.

"I don't want you to be soft and nice. You already give me the world Katsuki. You make me study because you care about me. I don't want you to get me roses and Jewelry, I hate it, and I love the stupid little gifts you get me. You don't give me affection and cuddles, but you do other things, like waiting to walk me to class and making me food." 

"You don't want me to be nicer?"

"No! Everything you do is already perfect. Everything you do shows me you care about me in your own way. I love the way you are, I don't want you to change."

Katsuki pulled you back into his arms and pressed a rough kiss against your forehead. He was doing everything right. He was better than dumb Deku, and your test score was proof of that. He wasn't going to lose you, Denki and Mina were wrong. 

"Come to my dorm tonight, you need to study better dumbass."

It didn't matter that the whole class watched the exchange between you both. It didn't matter that Mina had screwed with your relationship and felt very relieved to have gotten off scot-free, for now at least. It didn't matter because all Katsuki cared about was the fact that he was a great boyfriend, the best. He didn't have to be softer, nicer. He didn't have to change, you liked it. You loved him, the way he was. That was all that mattered.

[river-bottom-nightmare]

Conner Kent Week 2021, Day One: No Capes, Still Alien

“It’s a UFO.”

“It’s not a UFO.”

“It definitely is,” Bart said in a matter-of-fact tone, talking over Tim. “My brother said he once modified a radio transmitter into picking up alien transmissions and convinced an alien ship to come to Earth. And he said the landing looked just like this.”

“Your brother is insane,” Cassie, who’d previously been quiet throughout this mock-argument, spoke up. “Didn’t he blow up the cafeteria when he was in high school as revenge for budget cuts leading to smaller lunch servings?”

Bart stopped his tromping through the wilderness abruptly, and peered at Cassie with a suspicious eye. “How did you know about that?”

“You told us that story on the first week of camp,” Tim said dryly. “And anyway, this wreckage is way too small for it to be a UFO.”

“But it’s too big for it to be a person,” Bart immediately countered. “Or a person-sized being. So maybe these aliens are tiny, so they have tiny little spaceships, too.”

“Why are you two so convinced it’s aliens in the first place?” Cassie lifted a hefty tree branch, bracing it on her shoulder as the two boys scrambled underneath quickly. Then, after ducking under it herself, she let it fall to the ground gently. “I mean for all we know, it could be a drone test or rocket launch or something.”

“Hey, Cassie. Cass. Cassandra.”

“Yeah, Tim?”

“Have you seen any sci-fi movie at all?”

“I don’t like where this is going, but yes.”

Bart interrupted Tim, “It’s never a drone, or a test flight, or whatever the government or business says. That’s always a coverup. It’s usually something much more interesting, and in this case, it’s likely to be an alien.”

“Exactly,” Tim said. 

Hefting the sizeable backpack higher onto her shoulders, Cassie sighed. “I feel like I should have stayed with the rest of the camp.”

“No you don’t,” Tim dismissed. 

“We’re much more interesting,” Bart said, hopping in front of Tim. “You wouldn’t want to go on this adventure with anyone but us.”

“I’ve known you two for like a week,” Cassie pointed out. “We met at the beginning of this summer camp. Which you two immediately convinced me to ditch.”

“Me and Bart were planning to ditch the camp for weeks,” Tim said as Bart ran ahead. “Ever since we figured out we were going. Besides,” he shot her a cheeky grin, “Is there anyone else you’d rather go off into the woods with?”

Cassie pouted, but there was a mischievous glint in her eye that betrayed just how much fun she was having. She was reasonably certain that this borderline-illegal outcome of a summer camp she didn’t even want to attend in the first place was going to end with her being unquestionably attached to these two insane boys that had dragged her halfway through the forest on a whim. Tim’s train of thought was stopping at the same station Cassie’s was, but Bart’s had long since barged forward and accepted Cassie into his and Tim’s longstanding friendship.

“I think we’re coming up on something!” Bart called from up ahead, then doubled back to meet up with Tim and Cassie. He tugged the strap of Cassie’s backpack in a gesture to stop, the grabbed the water bottle from the side pocket and took a long sip. Wiping his mouth, he said, “There’s a clearing. But not an actual clearing. More like when water falls on a bath bomb and everything fizzles inward and out and disintegrates.”

Cassie squinted at him. “What?”

“He means the clearing didn’t used to be there,” Tim supplied helpfully. “The thing that crashed through the trees and made this wreckage stopped up ahead, and it’s, I don’t know, presence or whatever made all the trees crumble and created a clearing.”

“Like a bath bomb!”

Tim nodded at Bart. “Exactly like a bath bomb.”

Cassie stared at the two of them, then shrugged, taking it in stride. “Alright. Like a bath bomb. How far up ahead?” 

“We’ve got four more giant fallen logs to climb over,” Bart informed her. “So come on, we’re almost there.”

“My entire system of speech and thought is going to be messed up beyond recognition by the time this trip is over,” Cassie sighed.

Tim shot her another one of his smirks. “That’s the plan.”

The three of them did, in fact, climb over four logs. Well, Tim and Bart climbed over the logs, while Cassie used her height to jump smoothly over them. Regardless, the they arrived at the edge of the clearing soon enough, halting their steady march for a second to take in the amount of destruction scattered about.

They could see the splintered remains of forest giants that had probably swooped towards the sky for decades, dirt and mud shoveled up and thrown around everything. And there, at the center of it all, was a boy. At least, he looked like a boy. Clad in a bodysuit of some strange, silvery material, he was sprawled out on the ground, seemingly unconscious.

“I told you it wasn’t a UFO!” Tim exclaimed, elbowing Bart. The other boy grumbled and let his hands droop down in acquiescence. 

After a solid minute of staring, Bart pushed Cassie forward. “Go poke him or something to make sure he’s still alive.”

“Me?” Cassie hissed. “Why do I have to do it?”

“Because you’re the biggest, so you can protect us if he turns out to be an evil alien who wants to invade the planet.”

“Tim took jujutsu lessons!” Cassie countered.

“Technically they weren’t lessons,” Tim said. “They were more random things my older brother decided to teach me whenever he visited home every other weekend.”

Right when Cassie opened her mouth to argue, the boy on the ground groaned, stirring. The three of them froze, staring at him as he slowly sat up, a hand on his head like he was in pain. He looked around dazedly, as if trying to get his bearings, but let out a little shriek when he noticed Bart, Tim, and Cassie watching him.

For a couple solid moments, nobody dared to move, a deer-in-headlights on all four of their faces. Just when Tim was about to step forward and brave a question, the boy opened his mouth and beat him to it.

“Does my translator chip work?”

More staring, until the question filtered into Bart’s brain first and he responded, “What’s a translator chip?”

The boy’s expression brightened. “So it does work! Awesome! Uh...” Suddenly, his expression turned fearful. “Don’t hurt me! Please! I don’t want to hurt anyone either, and I really don’t want to fight.”

A moment of silence, then Cassie leaned towards Bart and said, “Is he speaking Spanish?”

“Yeah,” Bart said back. 

“You know Spanish?”

“One of my friends taught me a little bit when I was a kid, and I kept learning.”

“The alien speaks Spanish,” Cassie laughed a little hysterically. “Reality just doesn’t work right around you two, does it?”

“What’s Spanish?” the boy said. 

Both Tim and Cassie turned to Bart, so as designated translator, Bart stepped forward and said in a terribly American accent, “It’s, yknow, the language you’re speaking right now.”

The boy, apparently in Spanish, frowned. “The translator chip’s supposed to turn whatever I say into Earthish.”

Feeling a little like an idiot, Bart said, “We don’t...speak Earthish?”

The boy looked suitably concerned, then suddenly regretful. “Oh no. Am I not on Earth?”

“No no,” Bart said quickly. “You’re on Earth.”

Now the boy just looked confused. “Wait. What’s your planet’s official language?”

“Official language?” Bart asked. “We’re supposed to have one of those?”

At the expression that clearly conveyed the boy was out of his depth, Cassie nudged Bart and whispered, “Ask him something in English.”

“What?”

“Can you understand me?” Tim stepped forward and asked, in English.

“Whoa. Yes,” the boy said, and Cassie breathed a sigh of relief at being able to understand the boy. 

However, now that the four of them were successfully able to communicate, neither of them knew exactly what to say. Eventually, Cassie broke the tension with an incredulous, “So you’re really from another planet?”

“Yes,” the boy sighed. “Hopefully you can take me to your embassy? Wait actually,” his eyes widened and he shook his head. “Don’t do that.”

“Are you on the run or something?” Tim asked.

“I...not exactly,” the boy sighed. Shuffling his feet on the ground, he asked quietly, “Do you guys have clones?”

“You’re a clone?” Bart gasped. The boy nodded miserably, but just as he began to respond, Bart steamrolled over him. “That’s so cool!”

“It’s...cool?”

Displaying a bit of tact, Tim asked, “Is it...not supposed to be cool?”

The boy shook his head. “I was supposed to be an experiment,” he said shyly. “Experiments aren’t supposed to think for themselves, but I could. So I ran away. I didn’t mean to crash land on your planet.”

“You were experimented on?” Cassie said, shocked, though Bart and Tim could hear the protectiveness in her tone. Her voice then turned steely. “You’re not planning on attacking us or killing the human race, right?”

“What? No!” 

“Good. You’re coming with us.” Cassie turned to look at the two boys. “He’s coming with us, right?”

“Definitely,” Tim said, and Bart shook his head. “We could cross the forest and make it towards the gas station that’s a couple miles away. I’ve got Bruce’s credit card, so we can probably bribe someone into helping us get to an airport or something. From there, he can hide out at one of our places.”

“You’re okay with me coming with you?” the boy asked.

“Well, we already made one new friend on this trip,” Bart shrugged. “What’s one more, even if he’s an alien who crash landed from space and speaks Spanish.”

“I’m speaking Northern Kryptonian,” the boy informed them helpfully. 

“Cool!” Bart said, without even hesitating. “By the way, I’m Bart. That’s Tim, and that’s Cassie. What’s your name?”

“Do you even have a name?” Tim asked. “Or identification, or something?”

“My serial number was-” the boy started making a series of clips and chirps. Apparently, alien serial numbers didn’t translate into English well.

“Yeah, we didn’t catch any of that,” Bart said. 

The boy seemed to think for a second, then straightened, with a resolved smirk on his face, self-deprecating yet fierce. “Call me Kon.”

“Kon?”

Kon smiled. “Alien inside joke. It’s nice to meet you.”

----------

can you tell i had no idea how to end this? bc i had no idea how to end this. anyway, i am not going to miss a single day on kon week, i’m not. special thanks to jpeg for providing his very loving support and encouragement.

tag list: @woahjaybird @birdy-bat-writes @anothertimdrakestan @screennamealreadyused @subtleappreciation @pricetagofficial @catxsnow @bikoncon @bonkybearjpeg @maplumebleue-blog-blog @sundownridge @thatsthewhump

[creativeashproductions]

Suddenly Stuck With You // Charlie Gillespie

Summary: Twenty-one years ago Owen Patrick Joyner was born into a life with a bright future and career bringing him two best friends. His best friends Charlie and Jeremy drag the blonde actor to Vegas to celebrate his first legal drink in America. What was supposed to be a weekend for the boys quickly changed all because a certain Canadian met a girl and drank a ton. Now they have to deal with the consequences of their actions.

Warnings: Swearing, alcohol, allusion to sex, heartbreak, angst and fluff

Words: 7.1k

A/N: Originally this was going to be a mini series but I can’t be bothered to stretch out this idea. I’m sorry, I just feel like this is shit already and I haven’t felt that happy with my writing lately.

TO BE TAGGED SEND AN INBOX/ASK PLEASE!

Masterlist

Fox and Hound Pub, Las Vegas July 2021

“Happy birthday man!” The voice of his castmate, work roommate and best friend announced.

Owen’s eyes found Charlie’s glittering viridescent eyes meeting Owen’s bright blue.

“Why did we have to celebrate my twenty-first in Las Vegas, Charlie?” Owen questioned with one hand, cupped around his first legal drink in America. 

Owen had had his fair share of beers in his life both in America and his visits in Germany after he turned sixteen. Charlie and Jeremy had been the ones to drag the actor to Vegas to celebrate. Owen didn’t see the significance of celebrating in a different state than Los Angeles.

“C’mon! You’re twenty-one!” Charlie exclaimed pushing a beer across the table in the bar they had found. Relatively lowkey the boys hadn’t been stopped for pictures by JATP fans thankfully.

Owen nabbed the mug from Charlie’s calloused hand to take a swig of the drink to Charlie’s delight with a sigh. The tall actor scanning the moderately filled bar, the world was coming back to terms after the pandemic officially ended.

“There you go!” The Canadian adventurer spoke nodding his head to the live music a local band was playing.

Owen’s eyes found someone he recognized from a show on the History Channel his dad was incredibly into for several years. Two men sat in a booth next to the bar with food in front of them with the dark-haired one wearing a shirt with a logo. It was hard to make out, but he believed it was for a famous pawn shop in Vegas.

“Drink up. I got the tab tonight.” Charlie informed his distracted best friend, “This is gonna be an incredible year. Shooting for season two with the gang back together.”

“Hey, sorry about that. Care and I had a scheduled live on Insta to do. Happy birthday, man.” Jeremy sat in the booth next to Charlie, still living on the high of seeing his wife.

“This is gonna be a trip to remember,” Charlie announced tapping mugs with his two fellow castmates and best friends.

Oh, how right Charlie was.

Your best friend lifted the wineglass to her red lips with a mischievous look in her eye that concerned you as usual. Cherry, nicknamed for her fierce love of cherries, had a wild streak that had mellowed after graduating college last year. Cherry had invited you to stay with her for a month to recover from a devastating loss. The offer hadn’t entirely left her lips before you bought a plane ticket from Heathrow Airport in England to Las Vegas.

You had met Cherry in your teens through an exchange program set up between your schools a few years back. Even since you two met at sixteen, you had been best friends and unable to get rid of the other.

“Why are we here?” You asked, tapping a manicured nail freshly done at a spa courtesy of Cherry. Of course Cherry chose a shade of red as per usual while you had chosen a traditional white tip French Manicure.

“I know the breakup was tough, but you need to let loose.” Cherry’s hand reached over to squeeze yours. The sympathetic smile irritating you for god knows what number of time it was.

Averting your eyes, you found yourself scanning the pub with barely any attention but you wanted to escape the warm amber brown of your friend. You loved Cherry, but you wanted to mourn the loss of your relationship within your own time and way.

“I need another drink!” You called over the loud music before pushing away from the table to head to the bar.

Ordering your favourite drink, you leaned against the dark wood with your arms crossed and a faraway gaze. Unaware of the man waiting next to you for his own drink.

“Hey!” The male spoke, bringing your attention to his soft hazel gaze.

Your e/c eyes finding the man speaking with a kind and absolutely breathtaking smile framed by the scruff his face sported. Facial hair sometimes turned you off if it wasn’t worn styled for the individual. This guy, however, pulled it off with the brunette moustache matching the medium-length head of hair.

“Hi.” You softly replied gracefully grabbing the drink when the barkeep set it down before hustling down the counter to another customer, “Am I in your way?”

“No. I already got my drink. You looked lost, and I saw the bartender coming. I didn’t want anyone slipping you something.”

“Thank you…”

“Charlie.” The man spoke, holding out his hand to you with his smile still on his cheerful expression. Your hand slid into his warm grip.

“Y/N.”

You and Charlie retreated to an empty table deep in conversation with such ease it felt like you had known each other for years. You learnt he was living in LA, but originally from Canada, a province called New Brunswick.

Charlie was enthralled as you told him how you had been born and raised in America for the first ten years of your life. After age ten, you moved to England for your mom’s job offer and settled in your father’s childhood hometown; he was originally from England but met your mother on vacation in California.

While you conversed, Cherry found you entirely focused on the male with an expression she hadn’t seen in ages. Her eyes floated by to you periodically for your safety until you sent her a text.

You: Sorry, I ditched you. I got caught up talking with Charlie.

Cherry sent a response back before paying your tabs and heading to her apartment a few blocks away from Fox and Hound Pub. Her heart was excited for how the night would pan out because the sexual tension could be felt across the duo’s room. She was confident you wouldn’t make any stupid decisions.

Oh, how wrong she was.

A hiss preceded the deep groan as a group of construction workers pounded away in your skull painfully. The back of your eyelids painted red from the sunlight pouring into the room from the open blinds.

Scrubbing one hand over your eyes, you slowly sat up with a satisfying stretch after a well-rested sleep. The cool air from the air conditioner raising goosebumps on your bare skin…wait a minute bare skin? The slightest sound of the sheet rustling together, freezing you in place. Firstly, you glanced down at your bare chest before sliding your eyes over to the left of the bed.

Eyes equally large the man from last night, Charlie, cried out when he sat up too quickly. The sheets pooled around his bare waist.

“Okay. Definitely didn’t wake up in my own bed.” You muttered leaning over to find your abandoned shirt on the floor.

Pulling it on despite the stare from Charlie’s hazel eyes, you scoured the room for the rest of your clothes. The room was silent as Charlie slid on his clothing like you did before you stood covered up in the hotel room.

“So, obviously, we slept together. Do you remember if we used-“Charlie started to ask. Your mouth opening to end his sentence.

“I’m on the pill. We used a condom.” You informed him equally as relieved you hadn’t made a stupid decision, “Thankfully even fully sloshed we used protection. We didn’t make a stupid decision.”

At least you hooked up with a really nice guy instead of a scummy guy only in it for his own pleasure and disregarding yours. Vague memories from the night in the sheets swayed you into believing the charming man was more of a giver than a receiver.

Charlie’s mouth opened he felt a new weight barely discernable, but he felt it, “Uh…guess again.”

Eyes furrowing you found the ring on his finger with shame, “Oh my god, you’re married?!”

Holy shit, you slept with a married man. You’re a homewrecker you thought to yourself getting further worked up. What if this guy had kids. Not noticing your feet had started pacing the room.

“I wasn’t yesterday morning.” Charlie faltered keeping his eyes on the cheap ring he definitely hadn’t been wearing yesterday. His eyes moving to look at the matching wedding band on your left hand, bringing you attention to it as well.

“Well, fuck.” The deep sigh guiding awareness from the male to the weary posture that came with the heartbreak.

When Cherry invited you to visit and take solace in your best friend, you never expected to wake up from a one night stand turned more. Tears built with the embarrassment of crying in front of his stranger that hadn’t asked for a morning with a hangover and a new wife.

“Whoa! Hey, we can get it annulled.” Charlie stuttered rushing over to draw you into his strong arms with such gentle care it melted your heart. The leftovers that hadn’t shattered to your toes from the failed relationship you escaped the UK for.

“This is a mess.” You sighed birthing an unintentional word vomit, “I left the UK to visit my best friend, Cherry. She brought me to the bar to cheer me up and instead of attempting the ‘to get over someone you have to get under someone’ I fuck that up as well. I get married.”

Charlie’s hazel gaze widened at the revelation, “You broke up with someone?”

“More cliché. He’s a rich frat boy in his fifth year of college, he’s brilliant but chose to stay for the frat house. He got a girl pregnant, and now he’s in a forced engagement.” The smile you hoped was strong came out wobbling, “Then he asked me to be his ‘official’ real relationship. An embellished way of being the secret girlfriend/mistress.”

Charlie winced, leaning back to stare down, “How long ago was this?”

“Around seven months? I kept it quiet for a while. No one knew until last month. I’ve gotten a lot of pity even if I’m over him but not the betrayal.” Charlie whistled lowly with a nod and a particular look in his eyes.

“This is gonna come out of the left-field entirely, but what if we check out the laws on Vegas weddings? See if we fit the annulment or if we need a divorce? If we need a divorce, we can play it out to make his regret his decision and get everyone off your back?”

The refusal just about dropped from your tongue before something changed, “Let’s do it.”

As Charlie quickly get ready, he nabbed his phone from the charger by the bed before he slipped his hand in yours. He answered your confusion with the excuse of getting used to each other. Instead of fighting the blatant denial, you followed him to his rented car for the week to give him directions to Cherry’s apartment.

“So, what’s our story?” You asked the man, “We don’t know each other that well.”

“My full name is Charlie Jeffrey Gillespie. I’m Canadian but living in Los Angeles for work, I’m here for my best friend Owen’s twenty-first birthday with our other best friend, Jeremy. I’m twenty-two turning twenty-three in August.” Charlie spitfire navigating the streets of Vegas with practised ease.

“You already know my full name. I’m twenty-three as of a few months prior. You already know I moved from America to England over a decade ago.” The hesitation came from telling Charlie the career you had had since you turned twenty.

The topic of jobs was evaded as you learnt about each other’s likes and dislikes in a crash course to convince Cherry. Just as Charlie started to list his siblings, his phone rang through the car’s Bluetooth.

“I’m guessing that’s the Owen you came to Vegas with?” You questioned flicking your gaze between the Caller ID and your husband. God even thinking of having a husband was incredibly odd.

“Yeah. I have to answer.” Charlie’s exuded nerves with his fingers tapping the steering wheel, “Can you play along?”

He didn’t wait for an answer before clicking the accept.

“Dude, where are you? We were supposed to get food together? I have a wicked hangover.” The voice of this Owen spoke with a tinge of annoyance you only caught with your training.

“I met Y/N.” Charlie infused his voice with the nerves and a slight change to his voice that impressed you as he stepped into a set of shoes in his chest of roles.

“Who? Is that the girl from last night? The one you had that drinking challenge with?” Owen questioned from his side of the phone settled at a table with Jeremy nursing a coffee for his hangover.

“I haven’t told anyone, but after Jeremy’s wedding, it made me feel like I was missing something? I signed up for a dating app, and with filming, I forgot about it. About six months ago, I met someone, and we’ve constantly been talking.”

“That’s why you refused the blind dates from Sav and me? Not that you wanted to focus on work.” Jeremy interjected, “You should have told us, man. We wouldn’t judge you.”

“I know that, but we all blew up after the show. I just wanted to keep this between us until we knew for sure but guys…this girl is the One.” Charlie chuckled, shaking his head at the irony of already being married to you.

“We’re happy. So, did you want to take me to Vegas so you could meet her?” Owen questioned with a pit in his stomach of Charlie’s motives not being only for him.

“I’m in the car with her. She’s sending a few emails for work and blasting music. I can hear it from the driver’s seat.” Charlie joked to the boys with the lie slipping quickly, “Hey! Y/N, sweetheart.”

“Hm?” You interject with such ease, Charlie wondered if you were an actor as well. The practised and on beat performance, “Oh! Hi, sorry. I’m Y/n, you must be Owen and Jeremy? Charlie’s talked about you guys. Congratulations on your wedding Jeremy.”

“Oh. Thank you.” Jeremy lightly laughed, shaking his head at the voice coming from Owen’s phone on speaker.

“Happy birthday Owen. I wish I could have met you in person to wish you a happy birthday, but Charlie and I tend to forget to tell each other where our trips happen! It was such a shock to see him last night.” Just as Charlie had used affected nerves, you played up the loved up role, “My best friend and I almost chose a different pub than Fox and Hound.”

Owen and Jeremy’s grins grew at the genuine care in your voice as you continued speaking before Charlie interrupted you.

“Sweetheart I think they get it!” Charlie laughed with a glittering of stars in his eyes, “It was shocking to see Y/n in Las Vegas of all the 50 states. This week has been the best. Getting to bring my best friend to Vegas for his big twenty-one and meeting the love of my life in person?”

“Charlie’s dropping me off at my best friends. You’ll have him again in an hour. I hope you have a wonderful weekend Owen.” You finished unknowingly winning them over at the care in your voice and the happiness you brought out in Charlie.

Owen ended the call with a quick goodbye, leaving the rented car quiet between the new husband and wife.

“That went better than I expected.” Charlie admitted with a soft smile on his lips only to drop at your expression, “What?”

“Our next obstacle in convincing my best friend this relationship is real.”

“I’m sure it will go-“

“She’s an extremely successful criminal prosecutor who graduated high school a year early and fast-tracked through college.”

“Well, shit,” Charlie stated, leaning back in his seat as the entire situation hit him that he had married a stranger.

Charlie may be able to fool his friends but his family? His mother to be specific would immediately know what was up. The young Canadian had always been open on one day getting married surrounded by his family and have his parents there. Dropping this bomb on his family could only go one way: terrible.

“I’m a good actor. I’m sure we can convince her. We’ll get together with her tomor-“

“Unfortunately, I’m meeting with her in a few hours.” You revealed with a sheepish smile on your pretty features. Charlie could feel his heart drop in dread and fear at how the hand given wasn’t in his favour.

The drive was quiet as dread filled the two individuals as the distance was eaten up between the car and the apartment that housed an intelligent woman. Cherry Parker had only been working at the firm for a year with a clear future as a partner within ten years. Cherry with perfect grades in high school and high percentages in college and a perfect smile. A natural at finding people’s ticks she would be near impossible to deceive.

“We could turn around. Make an excuse to be introduced through the phone.” Charlie supplied, biting his lip, “Oh my god. She’s not gonna kill me, is she?”

“No.” You swiftly told the spiralling man, “She’d kill me and frame you.”

Maybe that wasn’t the best to calm the man down as he freaked out more, “Oh my god. What are we gonna do!?”

The apartment loomed as the car came to a stop outside just as the individual wearing seafoam green peacoat stepped to the entrance. Her blunt bob of caramel brown hair and unique earrings screaming that it was Cherry.

“That’s her.” You breathed as Charlie parallel parked in between a compact car and an SUV in front. Jerry, the doorman, waved with his beaming smile that reminded you of a jolly man just as he had since you had first visited Cherry in her apartment.

Jerry mumbled towards Cherry before she turned swiftly on her black pumps notorious to her work attire. Since her first year of law school, she had gone through two pairs and adored them with her new income.

The woman rushed over as your door opened with the help of Charlie, how you didn’t notice he had turned the car off and walked to your side, appalled you. The 5’8 male was shoved to the side as Cherry tugged you into her arms with a scathing glare at Charlie.

 “I don’t know who you are or how much you rocked her world, but it’s been hours. I thought you kidnapped her.” Cherry hissed at the male with her brown eyes flaring with anger that made both you and Charlie flinch.

“Whoa! We got stuck in traffic, and Charlie’s friend called.” Your hands raised in defence at the pointed glare now directed at you. The amber-brown eyes scanned your form and other than the apparent walk of shame appearance, you looked fine.

Cherry’s red lips parted for the usual questions she gave to all her friends after one-night stands. With a subtle shake of your head, Cherry tabled the questions for later before locking her eyes on the newcomer.

“Cherry Parker. And what’s the name of the guy that plastered a smile on her face?” Cherry questioned, holding out her hand to him.

“Charlie Gillespie. It’s nice to meet you.” Charlie replied with that charming smile that melted your heart. It didn’t appear to melt Cherry with the thick skin she developed first in her family and then as a lawyer.

“Likewise. Well, thank you for delivering her safe.” Cherry spoke hand, reaching for your own impatient for all the details she would demand. Her words failed when her amber gaze peered at the near-identical faces, “What did you do?”

The demand startled the two individuals before the attorney began ushering the duo in the building you had been staying at. Her red nail stabbing the golden-hued elevator surrounded by emerald green displaying a vintage colour scheme.

“Please tell me it’s not as bad as senior year?” Cherry pleaded massaging the bridge of her nose with her free hand. The other clenching her briefcase so tight the knuckles had turned bleach bone white.

“What happened senior year?” Charlie asked following the two best friends into a spacious apartment that could fit two of his in it. His hazel eyes catching the unspoken conversation between the two best friends.

“Not important.” Cherry sighed eyes, lowering to your fingers, “Of course. Vegas. You eloped. Jesus Y/N, you know how your family is.”

Catching the confusion from Charlie, you elaborated for Cherry, “My family is incredibly strict and old fashioned. Divorce isn’t accepted in my family for anything less than the most serious scenarios.”

“Drunk eloping in Vegas? Practically get prepared for silent judgemental stares from Nana and drowning disappointment.” Cherry sighed, pushing a strand of her caramel brown locks behind her ear.

“I have a plan for that. We can pretend to be married before amicably divorcing later. We can figure out the details for a reason later in future. We already started the ruse.” Charlie admitted seating himself at the island in the spacious kitchen his mother would dream of cooking in.

Charlie could already tell just how successful Cherry was with her apartment and her outfit that dripped money. Her kindness, however, set her on a different level to the people Charlie had encountered with the same dollar signs.

“Of course,” Cherry grumbled digging around for drinks. Charlie fully anticipated it to be some kind of fancy wine, but he was proven wrong.

Cherry had taken out two different kinds of beer from the fridge, along with cold mugs straight from the freezer.

“What just because I’m dolled up you think I drink strictly wine? I have that for my mother and sister when they visit.” Charlie barely caught the eyeroll at Cherry’s mention of her family as she turned to you.

“Besides, I’m my father’s daughter.” You cheered cracking open your choice into the mug with skilled ease. The foam perfectly dealt with it brought a smile to Charlie’s face.

“Okay, so this ruse. What did you do so far?”

“My friends think she and I met on a dating app seven months ago and coincidently ran into each other last night at the bar. We’ve kept it private because of my job-“

“-along with Y/N’s job.” Cherry simply spoke raising the rim of her mug to her lips, “Okay, there’s no way you’d sign up on an app after Harvey. So, I went behind your back and made one for you.”

“Then Charlie messaged me after I found out. It started off as apologizing that he chose my profile. It started a friendship that turned into a relationship.”

“We did Facetime dates before becoming exclusive, and you wanted to ensure it was something that would last longer than a fling.” Charlie inserted with a beaming grin as he felt into ease with the two girls before him.

“I think we got a story for you two. Just two rules: One, don’t go falling in love with each other and two, don’t get pregnant.” Cherry joked sitting in the barstool across from you and Charlie. Her red lips revealing white teeth, one tooth with a tiny chip out of it from high school.

The rest of the days’ Charlie was in Las Vegas he alternated between his friends and you with the odd time he invited you to dinner with them. There was such ease between Charlie and you that hadn’t be there even with your ex Harvey. Unfortunately, the time in Las Vegas dwindled down until you were dropping the boys off at the airport.

“I’ll call you when I get home.” Charlie mumbled in the earshot of his friends, “Whirlwind wedding-“

“Married.” Owen scoffed in disbelief once more having found out at dinner last night that included colourful words. Jeremy had been placed in silent shock seeing the real matching wedding bands.

“In a month, you’ll fly out to England to help me pack up the flat and then we’ll fly to see your family for your cousin’s wedding.” You finished for the man with a beaming grin that had steadily lost its fake appeal. It quite literally felt like you had known Charlie for longer than a few days.

“It was really nice meeting you. I hope Charlie can convince you to come visit my wife and me. You and Carolynn would hit it off.”

“Could I bring Bindi?” Owen joked as he tugged you into a hug as soon as Jeremy had released you. Charlie was quick to drag you back into his embrace, even adding a kiss to your forehead.

The airport speakers announced the second warning of their flight number boarding rather suddenly in which the trio frantically rushed. The feeling of your stomach dropped took you by surprise just as much as the manicured hand of Cherry.

 “You okay?” Cherry asked softly sliding her hand down your arm to clutch yours in hers. It was an act of comfort you both had done throughout your friendship, whether it be uncomfortable situations or heartbreak.

“I feel like I’ve known him years instead of days. Cherry, I think I’m in danger of falling for him.” You fully admitted turning your head to meet her concerned brown orbs.

“Sweetheart, you’ve never been good at doing no feelings.” Cherry replied with a squeeze of your hand, “He feels the same. Now we need you to get to your gate since you’re ditching me.”

“As much as I would adore staying here. I need to get back to England to finish packing my flat.” You informed Cherry with a small grin as her red lips parted in a gasp at your announcement.

You had temporarily relocated back to the US at eighteen when you were recruited into the CIA, and then you were sent to England for work. It was very under the cover, and Cherry knew the basics but not the entirety of your career.

“You’re coming back!” Cherry cheered grinning at what could be the best news of the week for the lawyer. No more fumbling of time zones and long distances between phone calls leading to relying on messaging.

“I am!” You beamed right back, “I’ll move to Washington for a year and then hopefully I can be transferred to Los Angeles. As much as I love Las Vegas, it isn’t the place I want to live.”

“It would make sense to move to LA since Charlie is there. You could even use the marriage being the reason you’re moving instead.” Cherry offered with her lips turned up, yet her brown eyes didn’t glitter.

Cherry missed having you around like back in high school. Living apart sucked for the two best friends but at least you would be in the same country. 

“This is insane. I still can’t believe I’m married.” You whispered, staring up at the high ceiling of the airport. You relied on your instincts to walk in the busy airport to your gate.

“I wasn’t even there.” Cherry snorted walking in complete sync until you both came to a stop at your gate. Her eyes saddened further after so many days spent together when she wasn’t working, “I’m gonna miss you.”

“Knowing my mother. She’ll be planning, and as she’ll say it, a real wedding for Charlie and I.”

Another lingering hug with the caramel brunette was the last for a while as more and more distance came between you. Metres changed to different continents within hours, and suddenly you felt more alone than ever.

The rain was drizzling in London, a welcome change to the blistering heat Vegas had given you in the days you had been there. However, the most welcome sight was the six-foot-one lean frame of your father leaning against his pride and joy. The bright metallic blue with two very wide vertical stripes up the hood of it had been a staple in your family since you were twenty.

The blue Shelby Cobra had been challenging to find, but it was worth the massive grin on Theodore Y/L/N’s face. You and your mother had joined forces with your uncles to get it for your Dad, and one of them was a mechanic that did most of the work.

“Dad!” You yelled, jumping into his arms. Dad’s grip tightened around your shoulders with his face smushed into your neck.

“Darling!” He exclaimed just as he did no matter how long it had been since you saw each other. You were closest with him from father-daughter days watching football (the European version of soccer).

“Mum at home?” You questioned as he placed the small amount of luggage in the tiny boot of the car. His e/c eyes, the ones you inherited from him, twinkled with mischief and a wink.

“You didn’t hear it from me, but there’s a surprise.” He spoke ushering you into the passenger seat on the left side of the car. It was still jarring driving on the opposite side of the road in America.

“Another one to sway me from moving to Washington?” You retorted to the tall male in the driver’s seat. At the mention of moving his smile dimmed like it did when you flew to see Cherry for a while.

As he drove down the streets, your eyes scoured his features as if it had been years instead of mere weeks. He had been in Germany for business for a week when you flew out to Las Vegas. His hair still had the dark locks with grey mixed throughout as if had been since he was in his late twenties. The laugh lines still the same as they had been previously, but the most important thing was that he was still healthy.

Ted Y/L/N had beaten a severe bout of sickness a few years ago that had taken months of recovery. It was just second nature to check him before anything else.

“How’s Cherry.”

“Living happily with her success story.” You piped up, finding it would be the perfect place to start planting Charlie’s existence. Your father glanced over slightly confused as you continued, “After Harvey, Cherry signed me up for a dating app. I hit it off with someone, and I’ve been dating them ever since.”

“A dating app.” He questioned glancing over, “Aren’t those what people use to sleep around? Nothing wrong with having sex but isn’t that what the apps are predominantly used for?”

Your lip was taken between your teeth, “Some of them are. The one that Cherry did was surprisingly more about human connection. He’s originally from Canada but moved to Los Angeles for work.”

“Hm.” Ted hummed keeping his entire focus on the road, “And are you okay with this so soon after-“

“I never acknowledged this, but I waited a few months before I told you that Harvey and I broke up. I hit it off with Charlie, and well I’ve never been so in love before.”

“I sense there’s a chapter in this new love that I’m not going to be thrilled about. Out with it.” He ordered momentarily glancing over to see you sheepishly grinning, “Are you preg-“

“I married Charlie-“

To both your father’s and your horror the sound of the Shelby’s tires screeching reached your ears. The car skidded to a stop in the middle of the street with yelps coming straight from your surprised mouth. Dad’s eyes blinking owlishly at the road.

“You’re married? To someone, I’ve never even met?” The question was croaked from the middle-aged man staring straight ahead. The car slowly moved down the road as Dad applied less pressure to the pedal.

“It was so fast, but I swear you’ll meet him. He’s flying out to help me pack, and we’ll fly out to Washington. You’ll love him.” You gushed ignoring the smart of guilt at lying to the first man that had ever truly loved you.

The father that had learnt how to do your hair and supported you in everything you did; for the first few years, he had been a stay at home dad. Your mother was the one that worked and then when you got to the right age, your father returned to work. He had taught you how to ride a bike and drive, the police didn’t need to know you were driving years before you legally could.

“Your Nan is going to be pissed.” He snorted, shaking his head, “You’ll be throwing him to the wolves at the reunion.”

The reunion you had completely forgotten about. Shit.

A month later brought Charlie to your small half-packed flat in London and then straight to your parents’ house in the country. The country home had been in your family for years before your parents moved out of the city full time.

“Okay. So, your five-year-old cousin is adamant he be called Agent Jack because he works for James Bond. Don’t mention football, which is soccer in the US, or else World War III between your Nan and great-aunt Dottie will happen.”

“Oh! My mom loves ice hockey! She grew up playing until she was in high school!” You gasped glancing over at Charlie in the passenger seat of the car. He’d arrived two days ago ahead of schedule to get rested for the reunion.

This morning he had spent longer getting ready with his hair meticulously styled and his clothes chosen to fit the weather and the event. No matter how much you had soothed him, the nerves still flared. This wasn’t meeting your SO’s parents, this meeting his wife’s family who had no clue about him.

“Do I call your Dad, Mr. Y/L/N or Sir?” Charlie questioned as the country zipped by in the clear window of the car. His fingers tapped the beat to the JATP song ‘Now or Never’ on the black denim of his jeans.

“Go with Sir.” You replied, reaching one hand over to grasp his in your hand, “My Nan will interrogate you about where we would have kids. Aunt Dottie will ask if you got me pregnant and that’s I’ve never said anything about us.”

“I…really? They’ll ask that?” Charlie choked turning to face you entirely with a face pale as bleached bone. The wince you offered was enough for him to relax into the leather of the car.

“Their old ladies that live on gossip and personal questions. But don’t underestimate Nan if she gets plastered and demands an arm wrestle. You won’t win.”

The car rolled to a stop on the rocky drive filled with other vehicles of all colours and types. The house was the background feature of the menagerie of cars. It was a gorgeous colour your mom had spent weeks trying to find in countless shops before she saw it three hours away. Flowers were strategically placed for viewing pleasure.

“Your house is beautiful.” Charlie breathed circling the car to open your door without prompt just it had become second nature to him. His hazel eyes moved across the parcel of land your parents owned.

Before your lips could even part to respond, you were attacked in a hug by two little pairs of arms. The sandy coloured hair, one set of curls hitting past their shoulders and the other a mop on his head. You knew immediately it was your little cousin Jack and his twin JJ from the strength of the hug.

“Y/N!” The twins squealed jumping in their spots as their father, your uncle Seth, corralled them. His eyes crinkled with the grin that matched your father and other uncles. It was the signature L/N smile your family carried.

“Hey! It’s Agent Jack and-“

“Doctor JJ! I’m Jack’s doctor!” JJ clapped her small hands together, displaying her cute little dimples. Charlie’s quiet awe melted your traitor heart entirely, “Is he your boyfriend?” 

The three adults’ all had a deep chuckle at her cute little scrunched nose as she saw Charlie’s hand grasp yours.

“Not exactly. You know how Dad and I are married?” Seth asked, crouching in front of his little girl. Her eyes blinked in confusion, “Y/N and Charlie are married. Y/N is his wife, and he’s Y/N’s husband.”

In his usual tornado-esque style, Jack had already taken off around the side of the house to the family gathered. JJ’s hand had slid into her father’s familiar grip.

“But Daddy you and Dad are husbands? How can they be married if she’s a girl?” JJ pouted with her green eyes twinkling in suspicion.

“Well, JJ. When two boys get married, they are husbands, if two girls get married, they are wives, but if a boy and girl get married, they become husband and wife. Or maybe depending on the genders they prefer to be called partners.” Seth told his little girl as his husband Fred rested his hand on his shoulder. While Seth was fair-haired and blue eyes, his husband Fred was the example of tall, dark and handsome with green eyes.

“Okay.” JJ simply spoke, skipping over to grab Charlie’s hand in her left and yours in her right. The little girl dragging you two in the direction her brother had disappeared around where the noise grew louder.

“Relax.” You whispered to the wide-eyed Canadian steadily becoming quieter and more nervous. As soon as you rounded the corner of the house, JJ released your hands to chase after Jack and your other cousins.

“You have a big family,” Charlie mumbled, looking over the adults and the young children set away. His eyes found your parents wrapped in each other’s arms talking with a woman confidently wearing the marks of time and wisdom, “You have your father’s smile.”

“I know.” You spoke tugging him to your parents, “Dad! Mum!”

The couple glanced over to see the man that had snuck into their family without a hint. Your father was quick to tug you in a bear hug with a resounding kiss on your forehead. Mum had yanked Charlie into a hug as well that relaxed him with the words she whispered in his ear.

“This is Charlie Gillespie. Charlie this is my mum and dad Theodore and Amelia.” You swiftly introduced the three people in your life.

It was tense for a moment before it melted away, “He’s a lot better than Harvey.”

“Ted!” Mum spoke slapping his arm, “It’s not his fault he was born with a silver spoon in his mouth-“

“-and a boob in his hand.” Dad chortled, dodging the slap from your mortified Mum. Her dark eyes wide open in shock, she really shouldn’t be surprised with your father, at how he had spoken.

Charlie’s lips parted in a strong of impish laughter bringing a grin to your little party’s faces. All the nerves from before melted from the Canadian as he found he fit in perfectly with your parents. His hand never felt yours the rest of the night, and with it, you wished you didn’t have to live with the ruse. You had fallen swiftly for the Canadian and wished this was marriage was real.

It wouldn’t be until Charlie, and you had devoured the food and two mugs of beer that the truth comes out in the upstairs bathroom. You couldn’t be sure who made the first move, but two hours upon arriving at the reunion Charlie had you pinned against the bathroom door. Lips moving against each other like you’d been made for each other.

“Mhm.” Charlie moaned, gripping your hips hard enough to leave bruises. The vision of seeing your bruises hips had a flutter in your stomach.

Heat rose from your stomach to your chest as your fingers slid into his once perfectly groomed hair. His lips parting yours with a warmth that washed over your entire body like the sun brushing skin after peeking behind a fluffy cloud. If Heaven was a feeling, this would be it.

Charlie’s hands slid under your shirt to rest on the warmth of your hips, a fire flared at his mere touch. He only parted from your lips at the sound of the floorboards outside the bathroom.

“Call me crazy, or the beer is making me say this. I’ve never felt this way for someone like I do for you,” Charlie whispered brushing your temple with his lips. The words created a shiver down your spine, “We have this connection and ease between us. I see you in the sunlight when I first wake up, and all I ever want to do is cuddle you close.”

“Char-“

“I know we’ve gone about this out of order, but I’d really like to be more than what we are. I want to be more than a guy making your ex regret hurting you. I want to be more than just your accidental husband. I want to do this the right way.”

“Me too.” You fully admitted, “Watching you geek out over my dad’s car with me. I want to keep seeing that. There’s something I’ve been keeping from you that I need to say before this goes further.”

“What’s wrong?” Charlie murmured cupping your cheeks in his warm hands. His hazel eyes lingered on your swollen lips that no doubt matched his own.

Your bright e/c eyes flickered between his hazel orbs with something he couldn’t quite decipher.

“If we do this, there are things I won’t be able to talk to you about when it comes to my job. It’s sensitive information, and no matter how much I trust you, I won’t be able to say anything. Charlie, the reason I’m moving to Washington is because I finished my tasks.”

Your hands moved around as you spoke to the silent Canadian just staring at you, “So what kept you in England for so long?”

“I work for the CIA. I have since I was recruited on a college campus a few years ago.” You revealed to the flabbergasted actor blinking rapidly. His mouth hung open, and his eyes widened more than you thought possible.

“So, we’re both in the business of deceit and pretending.” He grumbled, wrapping his arms around your shoulders, “I’m an actor by the way. It doesn’t matter what your job is, all I care about is trying to make this work.”

That was the moment that turned your relationship around, a year later, you had traditionally renewed your vows. Your wedding in the backyard of your parents’ house with friends and family watching as you walked down the aisle in your white wedding dress. Charlie waiting with the officiant unaware of the tiny gift of a little bean inside your belly growing.

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[corpsentry]

january: an art retrospective

i did some stuff last month (but it’s a lot of stuff and there’s a photodump + some Serious Fucking Reflection, so it’s all below the cut)

so ok, let’s start with this. here are some heads. each head has a red arrow. that red arrow is what i call the red line of the devil. it’s the slope of the face from the side of the eye to the cheekbone and then down towards the chin. up until like 2 weeks ago, i couldn’t draw it. i couldn’t fucking draw it. i would edit over that part of the face over and over again until i was frustrated and tired and i had a raging homosexual headache and it still never looked right. notice that each head is different. notice that each head looks wrong.

at the start of 2021 i finally admitted to myself, as per the image above, that i was deeply, deeply unhappy with my art. what was the problem? i dunno. but i decided i was going to fix it and i was going to do so via another one scribble a day event wherein for every day of january i would find a photo of a human head, and i would draw it.

january 1st, 2021. i was embarrassed to tweet this even on my private account where like 5 friends and a rock would see it. in retrospect, you can also see all of my bad habits emerging like dicks from a hole in the ground. it’s disproportionate. the brows look flat. the eyes are slanting upwards. the entire drawing looks flat, like this isn’t a 3d person but a caricature of one.

january 2nd, 3rd, 4th:

on the 2nd i decided to start a separate thread for doodles and applied learning. here’s the first set of tests

the rest of the week is kind of uneventful so we’re going to skip those. fast forward to january 11th

this one is especially bad. i am acutely aware, suddenly, that i am not changing anything at all. i’m stressed and miserable about it because i’m still trying to see people as people and trying to draw people that look attractive and proportionate and hot. my friend, leny, reminds me that i need to think about faces in terms of planes. i have a moment. my other friend masha sends me some links to anatomy tutorials. i have another moment.

january 11th. applied sketch

january 13th is when i start the troubleshooting process. the link above drives me mad because i’m pretty happy with the face but then i realize that there’s something very fucking wrong with the shape of the head LOL and then i realize that i’ve never had any idea what the proportion of the face to the rest of the skull is so i grit my teeth and i open a new canvas and i

bald studies. it seemed like the right thing to do. can’t draw heads? ok draw some heads. look at some photographs. i traced each photo but tried to stick to straight lines so that i could replicate the shapes more easily. i broke each face down into shapes. i thought about airplanes

i got really excited. i started doing studies, then applied studies, then stylized studies.

sketches. i’m not sure what’s going on (as always) and it’s very rough, but they look different from the sketches i did on january 2nd. that’s a start

january 16th’s daily study. looks more like a person now. juuuuuust a bit

more applied studies

on the 18th i take a break and go stare at some lips because i don’t understand how the fuck they work. again, i focus on shapes, on volume, on the fact that these things exist in 3d. holy fuck lips exist in 3d. holy fuck we are real

january 19th. i’m working on it.

january 22nd. some sketches + a daily study. it has finally occurred to me that heads can tilt up and down and that things look different accordingly. yes i was not aware of this before. yes i have been drawing for over a decade.

january 23rd. by this point after doing my daily sketch i almost always go back and do an applied study which is basically to say i drew a lot of fucking links. this one looks kind of okay. i’m kind of proud

january 25th. links. trying to make sense of everything i’ve learned

26th, 27th, 28th. daily studies

january 1st. january 31st

The End Of The Photo Dump (dab)

ok NOW i get to talk about what i discovered while studying the shit out of human beings

FIRST OF ALL, there is something precious and magical about drawing shit without the explicit knowledge that you’re going to tweet that shit out to 45 people later. it takes the burden of perception off your shoulders and that does something to you, or at least that’s my theory. i told myself i wouldn’t post any of this stuff until the end of the month (if i wanted to post it at all) and kept everything off my public social media accounts and that meant i could draw ugly as hell without worrying about who would point and laugh, which i absolutely fucking did. a lot of these are fucking trainwrecks. most of these are fucking trainwrecks. why do they look like that?? why??? this doesn’t look like the work of someone who’s allegedly been drawing since they were in kindergarten, does it?????

here’s why: because that person took a huge motherfucking swing at everything they’d ever known about art and spent a month building something new in its place. the abstract explanation is that i grew up on shoujo and weird old anime and my understanding of anatomy was unironically kamichama karin and while i love kamichama karin, when kamichama karin is your rule even if you try to break it, you’re going to end up going nowhere. “you have to know the rules to break them”, yeah? well i didn’t know shit. the abstract explanation is i’ve been miserable about my art for a few years now because i saw other people doing things effortlessly which i couldn’t and instead of going back to the basics, i tried to do what they did (not plagiarism, mind you, i mean i literally tried to copy the red line of the devil i mentioned above because i couldn’t even make that happen) and then i fucking failed.

the simple explanation is this. i had to unlearn everything, and relearn it again (like some kind of new renaissance clown, what the fuck is this?)

take this for example. all my life i’ve drawn faces in the order: eyes, nose, mouth, face shape, head. this works for some people, im aware, but it was something central to how i had always drawn, so i decentralized it. i said fuck you to the old me and changed the order up. now i start with the nose, then the eyes, mouth, the chin line, and the sides of the face. now i force myself to think about the human head as a series of parts interacting with each other instead of a bunch of disparate features which i want to look pretty.

or let’s use this zelda from last year. something about this looked wrong last october, the way something about all of my drawings looked wrong, but i couldn’t pinpoint it for hell the way i couldn’t articulate Any of my feelings about the visual arts. now, looking back, here’s what i see. that nose is sticking out far too much given how she’s not really facing very far away from the camera. that ear at the back shouldn’t be there. her forehead is too big. she doesn’t have a forehead. what the fuck is up with the shape of her head?

so apparently reject modernity embrace tradition has its roots in alt-right terminology and i’m not very horny for the alt-right (you understand), but the spirit survives here. you know sometimes you have to admit that you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing and draw people for 31 days. i’ve spent my whole life drawing stylized people and while again there are artists who have no issue with this, i veered off the track of the Good and the Holy and couldn’t get back on. i had no point of reference because i’d never thought about what an actual human being looks like, so i had no way to fix what i knew in my gut looked wrong but wouldn’t come out better.

this was hard. this was like oikawa tooru swallowing his worthless pride and admitting that ushijima wakatoshi had gotten the best of him for the last time in his high school career, but in haikyuu!! by furudate haruichi oikawa tooru fucks off to argentina and then joins the argentinean national team, and you know what, i think i’ve made it to argentina (not the team just the country). as per the golden rule of dont fucking move until you’re at least two thirds of the way through the month, i only started trying to draw Shit shit on like the 22nd or something, but i was happy with that i created. i am happy with what i’ve done. i’ve posted like 2 things this month that involve people with what i now call ~applied Knowledge~~ and they’re, like, not perfect obviously (perfection is an unattainable ideal), but i’m fucking proud of them. i didn’t spend 5 hours hunched over my laptop adjusting the red line of the devil because it’s not a devil’s line anymore. because i finally sorta get how people work. because i sat down and i said ‘we are not going to fuck with this misery shit anymore’ and then i did that. it’s just a line now.

here are 2 collages tracking my painstakingly carved out progress from january 2nd to february 2nd because i’m a slut for collages

and here’s what i’ve done to my art! the same person drew these but also Not Really! you know! for the first time in a year i don’t immediately hate what i’ve drawn. you know what guys? art is fucking fun. zelda’s forehead doesn’t scare me anymore because i know how foreheads fucking work now, and i don’t know everything, and i’m going to keep troubleshooting stuff as i go (i want to draw a skeleton. like a. i want to draw a goddamn skeleton guys) but i’m honestly and genuinely proud of what i’ve done in the span of a month, and i’m also in disbelief. i started this month-long challenge out as a last ditch effort to make peace with my art because i’ve been tired for a long time and i was ready to kick the bucket on drawing people altogether. i didn’t think anything would happen. nothing’s happened for years. i’ve been miserable for years.

this was the caption for january 1st, 2021. i was super, super fucking embarrassed and it looks like super fucking shit, but you know what, i think i did in fact triumph over the bullshit. surprisingly enough, when you put in consistent effort into something, You Will See Results. didn’t see that coming, did you? i know i didn’t.

this isn’t a success story. it’s a happiness story. i never gave a shit damn about the institute of art or whatever, i was just mad at myself because what i saw in my head didn’t match up with what was on the canvas. and now it’s getting better. now i’m calibrating the compass. now drawing not just backgrounds but also people is exciting to me, and i can stick my links in your face and tell you ‘they hot’. i’m going to keep doing that. i’m going to keep going until i drop off the side of the earth and then spiral towards mars like some kind of fairy, and then i’m going to create something beautiful.

thanks for reading. here’s a pr department link for sticking around until the end

[100incredible922]

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[alexusonfire]

A Change of Heart

For the DAS May Challenge 2021

Prompt: Write about Farah Dowling and a connection to an element that isn't mind

Characters: Farah Dowling/Terra Harvey

Farah Dowling was a mind fairy, that much was certain.

She recalled the first time she had ever moved an object without touching it. She was seven years old, and the annoying boy from down the street was making fun of her pigtails again. Normally she ignored it, and kept making her way home, but today she’d finally had enough, and when she spun around to tell him off, his big blue bicycle had gone flying across the street.

He’d never bothered her again after that, and her very proud father would tell the story for years to come.

She’d grown into her powers, sometimes almost effortlessly as her professors at Alfea would say, and soon she had become one of the strongest mind fairies Alfea had seen in decades. She could move massive objects with ease, both tune into and tune out of other’s thoughts and emotions without a second thought, and, with consent from all parties of course, break through their mental barriers and burrow her way into the deepest parts of someone’s mind.

Farah had always been proud of her abilities and status as a mind fairy, and though the mind was her primary focus in her studies, she also studied the other elements a great deal, wanting to succeed in every area of practice she could. To her, a true fairy found balance not only in their born element, but of all the elements in the Otherworld. While she was most comfortable in her own brain, she couldn’t deny the sense of calm that came with making rainbows, or burying her feet in the wet earth and watching flowers bloom around her.

She never thought she’d have a preferred element outside of the mind, until two little feet joined in the wet earth beside her.

Terra had been a love from the minute she was born, smiling and giggling much earlier than either Sam or Sky had. She was always reaching out for people, wanting to be close, to be held. When she’d learned to walk was when the trouble had started, as her curious nature had her wandering off to the far parts of the greenhouses, and sometimes even outside of them. Saul had joked once about keeping her on some sort of tether, which of course had earned him a playful glare from Rose (though since she had only just rescued Terra from a ditch outside of the greenhouse, she wasn’t sure it was the worst idea in the world.)

Farah was the first one to witness Terra’s magic. It was about a month or so after Rose had passed, and little Terra was the tender age of four. Farah often came to check on both the children and Ben when she had a spare moment, worried for her friend and his babes. She was rounding the corner to the greenhouse when she noticed Terra sitting cross-legged under a nearby tree, whispering to something in her hand. Farah quietly made her way over and sat next to Terra, and asked her who she was talking to.

“Mama.”

Farah felt her throat clench as she looked down into Terra’s small hands, a bright half-bloomed flower in them. Terra turned back to the bud and began whispering again, and Farah watched as the flower slowly began to open more.

She’s an earth fairy. Just like her parents. 

Just like her mother.

“I can’t get it open all the way Auntie.”

Farah broke from her thoughts and hastily blinked back her tears as she smiled softly, placing her hand over Terra’s and willing the flower to fully bloom. Terra’s smile had been radiant, and Farah watched with newfound affection as she’d raced off to find more buds. They spent the afternoon blooming flowers and weaving them into pretty flower crowns, Terra dancing about and giggling as she placed one of the crowns atop Farah’s head. They sat underneath the large oak until the sun began to set behind the trees, at which time Terra curled up in Farah’s lap for her daily dose of required cuddles.

Farah Dowling was a mind fairy, that much was certain; but holding little Terra, listening to her sleepily babble on as the flower crown tickled her chin, she felt the small tendrils of earth sneak it’s way into her heart and plant itself there, rooting itself as a permanent fixture in her life.

Just like Terra had.

[shroomcult]

@soulxmakaweek

Soma week 2021 Day 2: Healing

All too young was Maka Albarn exposed to the bitter resentment of a crumbling marriage.

She never had to bear witness to domestic violence or explosive arguments between her parents. No glasses were thrown against walls, no doors were slammed, no vitriolic exchanges that ended in another charging out the door and speeding out of the driveway.

It had been slow, and cold - like watching frost spread on a windowpane until nothing could be made out from the other side. The days when her parents loved each other, smiled while in the other’s presence were nothing more than distant and dream-like memories.

“I love you” was only something a desperate and conniving man said to get the outcome he desired. Not that it was any use. Papa could throw that phrase around all day, and yet Mama walked out of their lives all the same. 

It also meant nothing when it came from her mother’s own mouth moments before she stepped out of the threshold of their front door for the final time. If her mother loved her, she would have taken her only daughter with her instead of leaving her with a blubbering fool.

Maka shook this thought out of her head. 

No. Mama does love me - of course she does. She just has important work to do, she’ll come back for me when she’s ready. When she’s healed.

A feminine giggle could be heard from down the hall - from her father’s room. It effectively tore her from her thoughts.

So she hadn’t been hearing things. He really had the audacity to sneak a woman into their house for a little sleep-over not more than a week after the separation. As if she wouldn’t notice.

Well, she hadn’t heard the woman come in late last night, but surely Spirit was aware that his daughter was always an early-riser. 

She stepped out of her room, passed the sinners' den that was her father’s bedroom and into the kitchen to sit at the table with her book - and wait.

She wanted to make this as difficult for him as possible. She wanted to see the intruder for herself, to look them both in the eyes.

It hadn’t taken long before the snakes slithered out. She heard the master bedroom door creak open as hushed voices filled the hall leading out to the living area. She could distinctly make out the sound of her father hushing his secret guest.

As soon as they appeared in the living room and in full view of the kitchen, Maka set her book down and cleared her throat purposefully.

Spirit’s face drained of all the light that had been present only moments before. He looked as though someone had aimed a gun at his skull and demanded his wallet, his hand quickly removed from the mystery woman’s hip like it had been burned.

“M-Maka! Oh, hello sweetheart … what are you doing up so early?” he forced a smile, but his eyes conveyed nothing but guilt.

“I was having trouble sleeping. With all the noise.”

If he hadn’t already looked ready to crawl into a ditch, he certainly did after that comment.

His bedtime companion let out an airy laugh of discomfort before quickly excusing herself from the house she hadn’t belonged in to begin with.

The sound of the front door closing behind her had been deafening in the remaining silence between father and daughter.

“Maka-” Spirit tried to begin, but he clamped his jaw shut when she shot up from her seat, the chair scraping severely on the tile behind her.

She leveled him with a stare that he was familiar with as she tried to emulate the sternness of her mother to the best of her ability. He withered under it.

“I hate you.”

He stammered uselessly, his eyes glassy as she turned on her heel and made her way out the house, slamming the door with all the force she could muster.

Her vision warped and blurred as she stomped through her neighborhood and made her way out to a main street. 

She soon broke into a sprint, lungs burning along with her eyes as her feet carried her away with little thought as to where she was going. Her throat squeezed tight, making breathing all the more difficult but her pace did not falter until she came to a full stop in front of her subconscious choice of destination. 

She stood before a familiar grouping of apartments with faded but colorful walls. She’d been here only a handful of times, just to kick Soul’s ass into gear when he wasn’t studying like he should be. For the most part, she had no need to visit his apartment because he met her at the academy. 

Why him of all people? Why is he the first person I wanted to see when I feel like this?

She liked Soul just fine. Trusted him in battle at the very least. 

But she wasn’t sure how much he really fit the description of friend. They stuck close together out of necessity. They didn’t exactly play nice with each other all the time - he was a difficult person to get close to, stubborn and distrustful. Perhaps she was too.

Even while her mind continued to question her reason for coming to him, her body moved of its own volition, feet taking her up the worn concrete steps to his door towards the end of the hall.

It wasn’t fair for her to show up here on a weekend and drag him out of bed to dump her problems on him, yet she pounded on his door like she had every right to anyway.

It took him quite a bit of time, but she heard someone growl “what the fuck” from behind the door before it swung open revealing her very irate weapon partner in pajamas with his already ridiculous hair in a nest of pure bedhead.

The hostility softened from his baggy eyes the moment he recognized the wetness on her cheeks.“What’s wrong?” he tried to ask only to get crushed into a hug seconds later.

She sobbed into his shoulder and clutched the back of his Nirvana shirt like her life depended on it. She was immediately embarrassed by her behavior, but she had trouble closing the floodgates at such a point of mental volatility and decided she’d much rather bury her face against him than meet his concerned gaze. 

It took a few moments, but his body finally relaxed and he rested his hands timidly on her shoulder blades, letting one of his thumbs rub circles in an awkward attempt to soothe her.

She was almost caught by surprise when his uncertain contact tightened into almost a protective grip, and he allowed his entire palms to smooth over her back.

“Here, get inside,” he murmured against her ear, slowly releasing her and guiding her by the arm into the safety of his living room.

He only motioned for her to sit down on the couch before trudging to the kitchen to rustle around in his cupboards.

She felt a twinge of gratefulness for the opportunity to clear her face and steady her breathing as she listened to the sound of him starting up the microwave. She wasn’t some baby to be coddled after all. 

She didn’t get much time to compose herself before he was making his way back to her, a small saucer with a cup of hot tea rattling in his hand.

He set it down on the coffee table in front of her and took a seat on the couch beside her. He sat quite a few inches away, but reached out to pat her arm for a moment. Ah, back to awkward. 

“Uh - Tea’s for you. Chamomile, is that fine?” 

She nodded, carefully taking the mug from its place and bringing it to her lips, allowing the steam to settle into her face and relax her for a moment. 

He didn’t say anything else, just nodded and hunched his shoulders forward to rest his elbows on his knees as he stared in front of him at nothing in particular.

Either he wasn’t in the mood to play therapist and prod her for information or he was trying to respect her boundaries. Maybe it was a combination of both.

She found her voice after a few more sips of tea, offering him a vague complaint.

“I can’t stand to be around him anymore.”

She could feel that he was staring straight at her side profile, but she couldn’t meet the boy’s unnerving red eyes for the moment.

She fiddled with the cup in front of her instead, gathering her thoughts as his eyes patiently drilled through her peripheral.

“He just repeats the same dumb mistakes. Over and over again. How can someone be so stupid?” she spat, thinking of a hundred crueler words that could describe her father even better than stupid could.

Soul looked away for a moment, scratching the back of his head.

“He is pretty stupid, I’m not gonna argue that. I think I’d rather say that he’s selfish and optimistic though. He knows what he does is fucked. He knows, and he still does it because he hangs on to the hope that maybe he won’t face the consequences.”

“Well, he’s faced plenty of consequences! My mother is gone, he’s going to have a divorce, and I hate him! How is that not a consequence to him?!” she cried out, placing her mug down with enough force to send droplets of tea around the table.

Soul seemed unfazed by her rough treatment of his personal belongings, shrugging half-heartedly. “Again, not saying he isn’t a complete idiot. Just saying there’s more layers to it. Call him what he is - a bastard. Shouldn’t blame it all on stupidity, that’s lettin’ him off easy.”

“Yeah, I guess,” she said with a heavy sigh, already feeling most of the fight leave her. “I understand why Mama left. Yet, her decision still hurts so much, Soul. Did she not think about me at all?”

His lips set into a tight line and he was wringing his hands out in a clear sign of discomfort. Had she broached a weird subject with him? Did he have issues with his own parents like this?

It occurred to her that she honestly didn’t have a single clue about her partner’s personal life prior to joining the DWMA. Did that make her a bad partner?

“I don’t know,” he answered quietly towards the floor, “It’s normal to hurt from something like that. I’d like to tell you that she won’t stay away for long, but I don’t really know that, Maka. I’m sorry.”

“I know -  I’m not expecting you to have answers. It just helps that you’re listening, I guess. So, thanks for that,” she tried to force a smile, but Soul was entirely unconvinced of it, only offering a sympathetic quirk of his lips in return. Still, she continued, “There’s some messed up part of me that wishes they could have just stayed together. That somehow things could go back to the way they were when I was younger, like none of this ever happened.”

He was staring at the floor again, but quickly met her eyes with a dull, haunting sadness that seemed beyond his years.

“It’s better that they split. Nothing good comes from forcing it just to keep up an image, trust me.”

The way his voice trembled like his throat was closing up encouraged Maka to change the subject.

“I don’t want to go back there,” she whispered, drawing her knees up to her chest as she felt that familiar, unwelcome heat gather behind her eyes again.

“Then don’t. You know I’ve got the extra bedroom. It’s pretty normal for partners to live together, ya know.”

Her eyebrows jumped to her hairline at this suggestion. “Like, I can just move in here? with you?”

“I mean, yeah. Why not?”

She couldn’t really come up with many downsides when she truly thought about it. It’d be helpful to have her weapon partner close by. There was the possibility that they could drive each other crazy enough to completely ruin their already hard-earned resonance.

And yet - that wasn’t a very good excuse. What kind of flimsy excuse of partners would they be if they couldn’t maintain decent resonance rates just from spending more time together?

They were stronger than that. This could work.

Another thought tugged at her heart. “I would be leaving behind my family.”

“We could be our own family,” he asserted with confidence, but it wavered when he saw the way she looked at him - like he had suggested something romantic between them. His cheeks and the tips of his ears lit up pink and he immediately backpedaled, “Uh- like, partners? Right? We have each others’ backs … like a family,” he trailed off, scratching his cheek and looking anywhere but at her face.

For all his snark and stoicism she realized he was rather shy. It was kind of cute. What the hell did I just think?! She attempted to compensate for her own internal embarrassment by bumping his shoulder roughly with her own.

“Okay. sounds good, partner. So what’s the plan for the rest of the day? And don’t tell me you’re just going to sit around and watch TV.”

“Nothin’ wrong with that. It’s Saturday, for fuck’s sake.”

“No, that isn’t engaging enough,” she said, flicking his cheek and earning herself a scowl in response.

“Fine. I have an idea for a therapeutic activity,” he said as he got up and crouched down beside the cabinet under the TV, pulling out two game remotes.

Maka was already shaking her head in disapproval.

“C’mon bookworm. Play me in Mortal Kombat. You can pull my spine out - it’s fun and the violence will make you feel better, promise.”

“I’m not playing some brain-rotting, man fantasy, thank you very much.”

He ignored her entirely and began working on hooking up his console.

“Just pretend you’re fighting your old man,” he suggested over his shoulder.

She smiled despite herself and placed a light kick against his back from her spot on the couch. “Fine, but you have to come with me to Papa’s place later today to help me get my stuff.”

“Yeah, sure thing. How much you wanna bet I could make him cry?”

In that moment, she came to the conclusion that she had chosen a good family. 

She was going to be okay.

[ofeva]

01. EVANGELINE ASTOR.

“She’s...she’s not like I expected. She’s just a rather unpleasant sort of girl, really.”

Evangeline is nine when she overhears this from the top of the stairs at her parent’s home. She doesn’t know what it means, really, but she knows that it’s about her. It’s not unusual for her parents to whisper about things after they think that she’s gone to bed, but even at this age, Eva has never been particularly good at ‘going to bed.’ At this point, her parents have not done a particularly good job at hiding the fact that they don’t like her very much, so she’s decided that she doesn’t like them very much either.

Even though she’s light on her feet, the stair in the old house creaks when she stands up. Hopefully her parents have had too many dry martinis that they won’t hear the sound, and even if they do, they won’t think much of it. The house is old and always making strange noises, the doors sometimes open and shut on their own, wind comes in gusts through the poor insulation. It sometimes sounds like voices, and Eva likes to think that the house is full of ghosts and that they’re all on her side. She’s never been the sort of girl to run for her parents in the middle of the night when she hears a tapping at her window. She’s the sort of girl that just says, “Hello.”

When she was younger, she tried to tell her mother that she thought her room was haunted. Elizabeth Astor dropped a plate of pastries, fine china shattering into bits on the hardwood floor. Eva’s not supposed to talk about things like that.

When she gets back to her room, she feels quite upset. She doesn’t really know what to do with herself, the dark, resentful feeling that grows in the pit of her stomach and puts in roots at the base of her heart. She can’t turn on the light, not since her father got angry with her for tracking mud in the house a couple months ago and slammed his fist into the wall. He broke the switch. Eva’s not yet tall enough to reach the light cord that hangs off the bulb on the ceiling and do it manually. So, she lights a candle.

She loves the feeling of striking a match, the sound it makes, and there’s a certain amount of POWER that comes with holding something burning in her old wooden house. Imagine if she dropped it? Just let everything burn? The flame reflects in her dark eyes as she leans over to light the candle at her bedside, pulling a stack of books out of her bottom drawer. She’s reading Julie of the Wolves, the story of an orphan girl sent to live with her distant and cold aunt. When she runs away and begins to coexist with a pack of wolves, she becomes torn with the choice of staying with them or going back home. It’s one of her favorites, but Eva doesn’t think she’d have any difficulty with that choice. Too bad there aren’t many wolf packs in East Sussex.

It’s nearly dawn when Eva finishes her book, slowly drifting off to sleep. She blows out the candle before bed, watching gentle smoke spiral up toward the ceiling. It still burns within her.

June 2021

Eva returns to the UK after leaving Gallagher because she’s not sure where else to go. She doesn’t have much with her, a duffel bag of clothes and a couple books, having ditched all forms of electronics. She’s got a bit of cash on her. There’s an ache in her chest when the bus pulls onto the road of her old hometown. At first she doesn’t know what it is, but she thinks maybe this is what people talk about when they say that their heart hurts.

It’s been a harrowing semester.

When she steps off the bus, she feels a rush of memory. It’s not nostalgia, she has no longing for the past, but it’s easy to remember how this little seaside town shaped her into who she was, and how lonely she used to feel, walking on this exact same path to home. It makes her realize she feels less lonely now, in the same way that Julie made a pack of wolves her family, she’d found her own group of outsiders in Cole, Cecilia, Carmichael, and Christian. She was not the only one who always felt something wild within her, and just like the wolves, when you weather the storm together you better your chances of survival.

Before she even reaches her destination, she knows exactly what she’s going to do. Some people might find it pointless, or even petty, but for Eva it goes deeper than that. Being petty is reserved for focusing on matters of little importance, and this is more important to her than anything, it’s the final closing chapter before she leaves this little town and her childhood home for good. It’s a clear, beautiful Sunday morning when she stands in the trees beside her house. She knows that her parents will likely leave for church soon, at 9:45am on the dot like they always do. They’re addicted to their little routines. And Eva is addicted to other things. She lights the cigarette between her lips, exhales with a sigh. The grass is so dry she wonders what would happen if she dropped it. How long would the fire burn?

Eva looks up when she hears the slam of the front door of the house, the careful movement down steps. She hasn’t seen them in years now, and her father helps her mother down the steps and into the car. She walks with a cane. Had they always been this small? They look so frail to her from this distance, so fragile, and it’s hard to believe how many years she allowed these little people to lord over her life, to try and shape her into something she couldn’t. How could such fragile people have suffocated her so much? How had she let them do that to her? 

It’s not until the car is far down the dirt road that she feels like she can breathe properly again. Eva ashes her cigarette and puts it out on the bark of a tree before she heads up toward the house. It’s amazing to her how well she remembers things, exactly where her mother keeps the butter dish or the weird crack on the ceiling in the dining room. The wind howls through the hall in gusts from where her father left the window open in the study, and she feels strange. Like now, she is just one of many ghosts that inhabited the halls of this old house. She is not a guest or a visitor, there is a piece of her trapped forever, emblazoned in the woodwork. There will always be a part of her that is that lonely little girl with something so dreadful about her that she couldn’t be loved properly, that little girl who stayed up all night, feeling something rotting inside of her.

She wants to destroy it.

Eva moves through the house like a memory, and it’s not hard to find what she needs. Gasoline, mostly, and she’s one of those sick people that loves the smell. She loves it even more right now. It’s not petty to her, it has to be done. It makes so much sense to her to set all the ghosts free that live in these walls, and it’s the best place that she knows to spread the fire that wages war inside of her.

She has to be quick after she strikes the match, she can’t revel in the feeling that she loves so much – there is a power that comes from starting a fire, no matter how small. Then she lets go.

She’s far out of town by the time the air becomes thick with smoke, not around to watch the floorboards of her childhood home get consumed by the flames, but it’s an old house, the base is rotting, and there will be nothing that the town’s tiny fire department will be able to do to preserve it in time. 

Sometimes, to grow, you have to kill a part of yourself to do it, cut off the part that’s gone bad. Leaving, she feels like she’s gotten a part of herself back, like she’s burnt out the rotten bit at the center of her core. It’s revenge, surely, but she’s always been fond of that. Even more so, it’s the end of something old.

And once again, Eva will find somewhere to start new, like a phoenix from the ashes.

[firethecanonsfanfiction]

A Ball To Remember

Title: A Ball To Remember

Pairings/Characters: Ron/Hermione, Hary/Ginny (sort of), Viktor Krum.

Summary: What if Ron had asked Hermione to the Yule Ball? What if Harry had asked Ginny?

Prompts: N/A

Warnings: AU, What if...? moment

Originally published: August 24, 2011 on Fanfiction.net

Reposted: July 12, 2021 to Fanficion.net and ao3 and Tumblr

A Ball To Remember

Harry turned to Ron, taking in his pale face. His eyes were scanning the Great Hall as he watched couple after couple enter. He could guess what Ron was thinking. Would Hermione show up? He had the same feelings about Ginny. What if she had had second thoughts? What if she and Hermione were sitting in the common room, regretting their decisions to come to the Yule Ball with them?

“They will be here,” he assured Ron as much as himself.

No sooner had he said the words then a head full of red hair appeared in the doorway, accompanied by an almost unrecognisable other.

Harry looked at Ron again, who was now staring open mouthed at Hermione’s transformation. He swallowed and then went to greet her, looking rather nervous for someone who claimed he had only asked Hermione as a friend.

Following, Harry met Ginny, who smiled at him.

“Wow…” Ron managed to squeak out. “So… um… er… drink?” Ron managed to say, still clearly shocked by Hermione’s appearance.

Hermione and Ginny nodded and went to sit down together, while Harry and Ron went to get some Butterbeers. 

“Blimey, Harry, did you see her?” Ron said. Harry was glad Hermione wasn’t around to hear the genuine surprise in Ron’s voice. “I wasn’t expecting...” he struggled to find the right words and ended with “...that!”

Harry didn’t answer. It was true that Hermione had looked beautiful (he suspected that was what Ron had been trying to say), but his mind couldn’t get rid of the image of Ginny. She had also looked beautiful. 

They returned to where Ginny and Hermione sat at a decorated table. Magic was a wonderful thing! With a shaking hand, Ron handed Hermione a Butterbeer. Harry, who had a little more dignity in these situations, managed to keep his cool.

“What did I do to him?” Ron then suddenly questioned, looking to his left.

Harry followed Ron’s gaze. Viktor Krum, the Durmstrang Triwizard Champion, was giving Ron a very dirty look; but as far as Harry knew, Ron had been too scared to even ask for his autograph let alone do anything to offend his idol.

“Oh, I don’t think you did anything,” Hermione answered. “You see, Viktor kind of asked me to go with him —”

Harry almost choked on his Butterbeer.

“— but I, um, turned him down, because, well, Ron had already asked me.”

This time it was Ginny’s turn to splutter. Harry gave her a quizzical look, but she shook her head.

Hermione had now turned slightly pink as she watched Krum stalk away, looking furious. Harry suspected he hadn’t known who Hermione had rejected him for.

“You said no to Krum because of me?” Ron’s voice was quiet. It looked as if Hermione had hit in with a Stunning Spell.

“Well, yes.” Hermione turned a darker shade of pink. “But, it was only because you asked me first,” she added hastily, watching Ron’s face twist with confusion.

“Yes, of course.” Ron turned away from her and back to Krum, who had found some of his fellow Durmstrangs. Harry caught his look of delight as he did so. Apparently he was quite pleased to have beaten Krum to something.

“Well, we better make our way over to the middle for this… er… dance thing for the champions,” Harry said, getting to his feet. “Coming, Ginny?”

Ginny nodded and smiled. As they left Ron and Hermione alone — Ron still looking thoroughly pleased with himself — Ginny giggled.

“Are you aware, Harry, that your two best friends fancy each other?” she asked, grinning. 

Harry returned the smile. “Do you think it’s obvious to everyone but them?” he asked. “Ron says he only asked Hermione because he felt sorry for her (and he had no one to go with himself), but I think he… I think it was what he wanted all along and he never realised.”

“And I know for a fact that Krum asked Hermione weeks before Ron did,” Ginny continued. “She told him she would have to think about it. Clearly, she was waiting for what she thought to be a better offer. Would have picked Krum, myself,” she added teasingly.

**

Back at the table, where Ron and Hermione sat alone, they watched the four Triwizard Champions take to the floor with their partners. Soon, many more had joined them.

“Hermione,” Ron began with a nervous edge to his voice, “would you, er, like to dance?”

“I’d be delighted!” Hermione exclaimed almost instantly, jumping to her feet with so much enthusiasm, she knocked over the chair she had just been sitting on.

Bewildered by her reaction, Ron took her hand and led her to the dance floor. It was soft and small in his palm. They were surrounded by many other people dancing. Looking over to where Harry and Ginny were, he rolled his eyes. 

“I think Ginny still might have a thing for Harry,” he told Hermione.

“I think Harry might have a thing for Ginny,” Hermione replied.

“As if!” Ron scoffed. “You see, we were kind of both really desperate for — ” He cut himself off, realising he probably had said the wrong thing.

But Hermione only smiled, apparently oblivious — or choosing to ignore — what he’d been about to say. “He looks like he is hating every minute of it,” she said sarcastically , putting her hands on Ron’s shoulders as they began to sway in time with the music.

Ron chanced another look over at Harry and Ginny. Harry had a huge smile on his face, looking as happy to be with Ginny as Ron was to be with Hermione. 

Not my sister, he thought fleetingly, though it was soon wiped from his memory as Hermione drew her body closer to his.  

**

As the night went on, Ron and Hermione continued to dance; as did — to Ron’s growing discomfort — Harry and Ginny.

“Why couldn’t he have asked someone else?” he complained to Hermione as they broke apart after the song ended.

“Oh, Ron, give it a rest, will you? You weren’t even worried until I said something. Why do you care so much, anyway?”

“He’s my best friend, she’s my sister. It’s not right.”

“It’s not like they’re planning a wedding!” Hermione exclaimed.

“I’m sure Ginny is,” Ron grumbled as a new song started.

Now more focused on what Harry was doing with Ginny, Ron didn’t notice when Hermione moved her hands from his shoulders to around his neck. It wasn’t until he turned back to face her that he realised their faces were just inches from each other. Hermione was staring directly into his eyes...

His heart beating rapidly against his chest, Ron didn’t know what to do. His first instinct was to back away, but he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. Besides, he didn’t really want to pull away. 

Ron didn’t think it was possible for them to be any closer, but somehow, Hermione managed it. It was like she wanted to… kiss him.

“Are you thirsty?” he stupidly asked, pulling away at this sudden realisation.

“No,” Hermione answered quietly, looking hurt. “I’ll just… I’ll just go and wait by the table until you come back. Come and find me there.” She turned away, trying to hide the tears which had formed in her eyes, but Ron had seen them.

Feeling very guilty and very confused, he walked slowly over to an empty seat and slumped down, out of sight of Hermione, he hoped. Was he actually that stupid? Hermione had almost kissed him and he’d pulled away! He was furious with himself, which quickly turned into anger at Krum. Seeing that Hermione had been abandoned, he had wasted no time in getting her to dance with him. She didn’t look too pleased about it, but she didn’t walk away either, allowing him to lead her against the dance floor with tear stains on her cheeks. 

“Ditched you for Krum, did she?” Ginny asked, sitting in the seat beside him.

“It’s what she wanted, anyway,” Ron mumbled, folding his arms and glaring at Krum. He knew that wasn’t true, but he couldn’t very well admit to his sister that it had been him that had pulled away.

“It wasn’t, actually,” Ginny said matter-of-factly. “Krum asked her weeks before you did, but she told him no. She wanted you to ask her.”

Ron turned his gaze on Ginny. It felt as if a large rock had just settled in his stomach. “Really?”

“I heard what she said,” Ginny interrupted. “It was common knowledge in the girl’s bathrooms that Hermione Granger had rejected Viktor Krum. They all thought she was mad. I mean, they all would have given their right legs to get a chance to go to the Yule Ball with Bulgaria’s Seeker. Yet, she said she’d have to think about it. Then when you asked, she gave you a very quick yes, didn’t she? Doesn’t take a genius to work out what she was waiting for, does it?”

Ron felt his face turn red as he thought back to the moment their faces had been mere inches apart. Hermione had had her arms around him, her face tilted, hopeful... “Merlin,” he whispered. He wanted to kiss Hermione Granger more than he wanted to be on the Gryffindor Quidditch team. And he’d blown the chance. 

“Harry, you were right,” Ginny said, leaning across Ron, to talk to Harry, who’d just sat down on his other side. “They seem to be the only two in the world who don’t realise they actually fancy each other.”

“I don’t fancy her!” Ron said, more out of habit than anything else. “I mean… even if I did, it looks like she is having too much fun with Krum.” He said the Seeker’s name with a loathing he had not felt a few hours ago.

Harry and Ginny looked in the direction of Hermione and Krum. She didn’t seem to be enjoying herself at all in their opinion. In fact, she kept looking over at Ron every two seconds, tears glistening in her eyes. This didn’t go unnoticed by Ginny.

“Blimey, Ron, what did you say to her? She looks really upset.”

“I didn’t say anything!” Ron defended himself. “But, I think she tried to kiss me and I-I backed away.” He ignored Ginny’s questioning look and Harry’s surprise. “I panicked… I… I didn’t see it coming.”

Ginny stalked away after that, leaving Harry and Ron alone.

“You’re not into my sister, are you?” Ron asked before Harry could continue the topic of Hermione.

“I… er… no,” Harry answered, though Ron suspected he had only said that to not get him more worked up.

“Because if you are… that’s —” he took in a deep breath, not quite believing what he was going to say next, “— that’s okay, you know. If you do like her, that is.”

“And I’m okay with my two best friends getting together,” Harry replied. “Though, I’d be quick about it. It looks like Krum is getting her to smile now.”

At these words, Ron jumped to his feet and marched over to where Hermione was dancing with Krum. He wasn’t diplomatic about it, either. “You’re with my date,” was all he said before taking Hermione’s hand and leading her away from the dancefloor, past the tables and out into the Entrance Hall, away from everyone else.

“Ron, what are you do —” But her words fell short as Ron kissed her. He had taken her completely by surprise, so much so, that when he pulled away, she had nothing to say. For once. She just stared up at him with very red cheeks.

“I don’t care if he’s the bloody Minister for Magic,” Ron said. “You said you would go to the Ball with me, so… here I am.”

Hermione continued to stare up at him, her mouth moving silently as she searched for something to say. Eventually, she decided that kissing him again would be the best reply.

Gleeful at how the night had turned out, Ron floated through the crowd, causing some of the girls to move away in alarm. He had a huge smile on his face. He had kissed Hermione Granger. In that moment, nothing else mattered. He had kissed Hermione. This was possibly the best thing that had ever happened to him.

[sinceileftyoublog]

Anna B Savage Interview: A Fucking Intense EP

Photo by Ebru Yildiz

BY JORDAN MAINZER

Anna B Savage’s A Common Turn was one of 2021′s most assured debuts both lyrically and instrumentally. Reflecting on a dissolved relationship, bouncing between newfound confidence and anxious self-doubt, realizing that she needs to “take care of myself,” lamenting she might not ever be fully secure: It all happens for Savage, delivered with simultaneous brutal honesty and cringeworthy wit. Her voice is at once forceful and vulnerable, booming at one moment and quiet the next, following the twists and turns of the songs. Produced by William Doyle, the album is mostly orchestral and folky, occasionally delving into propulsive electronica, like on “Two”, but mostly giving space for Savage’s voice and words, from an ode to masturbation to the many chidings of judgmental, emotionally abusive man.

A Common Turn is one of those albums that’s, for lack of a better word, really complete, so I was surprised to hear that a few more songs were meant for it but not included due to vinyl size limitations. The extras, plus a cover, make up Savage’s These Dreams EP (City Slang), and they present the extremes of the world in which A Common Turn exists, thematically and aesthetically. It opens, quite suddenly, with the title track, pulsating drums and flickering strings; “Wake up!” shouts Savage over menacingly choppy guitars. She continues to add to the character of “the ex,” detailing his litany of accusations against her: “hairy woman, marginally incontinent, a hopeless romantic, a bully, a victim.” This may be the same man who, “came off smarter than that / To grab an inch of stomach and say 'fat'” on A Common Turn closer “One”, but I’m not sure it matters. The point is that this persona, alone or an amalgam, represents a part of Savage’s past she has physically ditched but that still affects her. The following track, “Since We Broke Up”, is the polar opposite of “These Dreams”, Savage actually happy and groovy. “Since we broke up I haven’t been lonely at all / I’m sorry, I bet that’s hard to hear,” she grins over funky guitars, adding goals like, “I hope I never fall in love again” with the caveat “I want to live alone but I can’t afford the rent.” Three minutes in, sparkling arpeggios overtake the song, the type of bliss you and Savage hope will never end.

If the first two songs on These Dreams bring you down and take you back up, the back half is a bit steadier, both referencing, in their own way, A Common Turn standout “Baby Grand”. The third track is a cover of Edwyn Collins’ “A Girl Like You” (a callback to the self-reflexive “Baby Grand” line, “On the sofa, you noticed I'd written / A line about the Edwyn Collins owl mug / Is this affection just created for a better narrative?”). Unlike Collins’ industrial-meets-Northern Soul hit, Savage’s version is creepy and whispered, thumping until it morphs into a haunting techno jam. And closer “Hairier Now” is written about the same person as “Baby Grand” after a 7-year absence, Savage having “stopped and then started smoking, started and then stopped therapy.” These Dreams retains the same forthrightness as A Common Turn, existing within its realm while offering unique entities of its own.

I spoke with Savage last fall over Zoom on the day These Dreams was released. Donning an Ariana Grande t-shirt, she had just finished her MFA in Popular Music at BIMM Institute in Dublin. (“Just trying to teach me bits about the industry I’m already in,” she slyly quipped.) We talked about her compositional choices on some of the songs on These Dreams, her approach to covers, and the unexpected source of the EP’s album art. Read our conversation below, edited for length and clarity.

Since I Left You: Three of the four songs on These Dreams were supposed to be on A Common Turn but were cut due to length. Do you know where they would have gone on A Common Turn?

Anna B Savage: No, that was the problem. Once I finished [A Common Turn], me and Will were sitting down trying to track list it, and the track listing as it is now is the only one that made sense as a whole. Whenever we tried to get any of these songs in there, or move all of the other stuff around a bit, it didn’t work. This was definitely the strongest track listing.

SILY: I can’t imagine A Common Turn any other way, which is easy for me to say. Is there something about the three original songs on These Dreams that makes them stand together for you apart from the fact they were supposed to go on A Common Turn?

ABS: Yeah, it’s interesting. The more that I’ve thought about it, I completely agree with you, I can’t imagine A Common Turn having anything else on it. But these [three originals on These Dreams] kind of represent the polar ends of the emotional spectrum of A Common Turn. We’ve shaved off the happiest and the most gruesome. Putting them together creates, in my understanding, a fucking intense EP. I hadn’t listened to these songs in a while, and when I listened to them together, especially “These Dreams”, I thought, “Oh my god, I’m putting this out into the world.” [laughs]

SILY: The title track, even the way it begins instrumentally, is immediately in your face. You’re singing, “Wake up.” Is that why you put it first? To go into the deep end immediately?

ABS: Totally. In my head, [“These Dreams”] was the opener for A Common Turn. I don’t know if you know Bish Bosch by Scott Walker, but I basically said to Will, “I want this to open like Bish Bosch, it’s gonna be ‘These Dreams’, and I want you to make it sound mad, intense, loud, and out of nowhere.” I wasn’t willing to let go of [“These Dreams”] as an opening statement; it just became the EP’s opening statement instead of the album’s.

SILY: You have some electronic elements and tempo changes within songs on A Common Turn, but nothing like on “Since We Broke Up”. Can you talk about that song’s composition and how it came to be?

ABS: It’s a very strange one. I had it, and I didn’t really know what to do with it. It’s quite weird and all over the shop. Will is such a sensitive and talented producer that he said, “Let’s move with the arc of the song as the song moves,” which is slightly disjointing and weird. I hope the payoff in the end of having an actual groove to an extended fade-out lets you sit in it for a bit longer even though the beginning’s been throwing you around a bit. Songwriting to me is a bit of a mystery. I write a song and think, “Well, that’s it: I’m never going to be able to write another song in my entire life.” Then I sit down and try again, and I think, “Okay, that one’s done, but that’s really gonna be the last one to come out.” I guess the form parallels the content, really. You’re feeling jubilant or proud of your decision after breaking up with someone, but then thinking, “I still feel fucking weird. I still feel like I’m walking around like an alien.” You have these moments of, “Fuck yeah, this is great!” and then you’re suddenly thrown back into, “What? Who am I? What’s happening? What am I doing?” The idea of directing [the song] at the person who it’s about was quite interesting as well. It allowed for a conversation to be had that wasn’t allowed in real life.

SILY: Do you know if this person has heard these songs?

ABS: I’m not sure.

SILY: You sing about heavy topics in a humorous way with all of these ups and downs. How important is that to you in a song?

ABS: In one sense, it’s really important. On another sense, it’s like, I wish I could write really fucking good pop tunes that are just easy. That would be really nice. I don’t know why, but they come out a bit disjointed and funky--not funky in a groovy way, funky in a “something smells weird” kind of way. I guess it’s important to me to feel like it’s me following the songs where they want to go. But it would be nice to get some radio play and cash.

SILY: Maybe the cover will get some radio play. People know that song.

ABS: Yeah. I just had to make it really weird and push it off the airways.

SILY: Is this your first time ever releasing a cover?

ABS: There’s another cover of [Willie Nelson’s] “Always on My Mind” I did with Matthew Stevens. This is my first released solo cover. Covers are my thing. They’re where I feel the most comfortable.

SILY: Do you do treat other covers similarly where you make it your own, or do they tend to be pretty faithful to the original?

ABS: I haven’t done any like this production-wise, but I do make them my own on the guitar. I like to give them my own little spin. I used to play a cover of Ariana Grande’s “Into You” at shows, and it was my own arrangement on the guitar. It’s not the pop banger it originally was. There’s something about that. Like all of José González’s covers, or a cover somebody did of [Outkast’s] “Hey Ya!” which totally blew my mind. Listening to the lyrics, you realized what a beautiful melody and devastating song it is. Giving the song my own little interpretation of it but not to be arrogant to think it needs it or wants it. Expressing yourself is fun.

SILY: What’s the story behind the cover art for These Dreams?

ABS: [laughs] I might only tell you this and not tell anyone else, but all of the pictures are from the same two days after I broke up with the guy “Since We Broke Up” is about. I edited them really intensely and wanted a very specific color scheme. One of them is a picture of my bum, which just makes me laugh. There’s a picture of my bum on the internet, but nobody knows.

SILY: You wrote and recorded the songs on both A Common Turn and These Dreams as demos, stripped back, just you and your guitar. Would you ever think about releasing those versions?

ABS: Yeah. If there was ever a demand for it. [laughs] I have no qualms about rereleasing stuff in a different format. Two of the songs on A Common Turn are on my EP that came out in 2015 but in different forms. I’m not precious about that. Songs exist in many forms.

SILY: These songs are from such a specific place. Are you the type of songwriter who is always writing songs, or are you just responding to things happening in your life?

ABS: I wish I could say I was the type of songwriter who’s writing songs all the time. That would be an extraordinarily large lie. I go through overwhelming phases, but they tend to be relatively few and far between, like once a year. It’s definitely not a daily thing for me. I don’t know if I should admit that.

SILY: Having talked to a lot of songwriters, I feel like it’s split half and half between those writing all the time and those only writing when they’re truly feeling it.

ABS: It’s a testament to my personality. I like doing stuff, but I like having lots of strings to my bow. If I focus on one thing for too long, I need to do something else. I have a silly amount of hobbies.

SILY: What are some of your hobbies?

ABS: During the lockdown, I took up surfing. I do illustration, pottery, embroidery. I tried carpentry and [aerial silk] stuff.

SILY: What else is next for you?

ABS: I’ve been writing over the last year. Nothing ready at all, but there are kernels of songs there I’d like to get to a studio and play around with. I think I’m less interested in having them as fully formed as last time, where they were finished and I was in the studio with Will, like, “God, this is joyful. It feels completely different.” I’d like to lean into the joyful aspects of [studio recording] rather than the solitary aspects of songwriting.

SILY: Anything you’ve been listening to, watching, or reading lately that’s caught your attention?

ABS: Oh god, I love it all. I’ve been watching The Ultimate Surfer, a hilarious reality show about surfing that’s obviously very high brow and where I get all my inspiration. I’ve just finished the new Sally Rooney novel, and I finished Diary of a Young Naturalist, by a guy called Dara McAnulty, who is 15, Irish, and autistic and wrote an absolutely unbelievable diary about his life. It’s fucking amazing and expresses so much really beautifully.

These Dreams EP by Anna B Savage

[neon-vocalist]

day 1: cuddles: cadnis

"Friday minus six" came from a Tumblr post courtesy of the lovely @maybeimamuppet in the original form of "Thursday minus five."

Also, yes this starts with an "I" statement, but I swear it's just a self aware narrator. First person fics (if they're not from the POV of an OC) are yucky. No offense to anyone who writes them.

(A quick upload time A/N: AHHHH HERE WE GO! It's technically December 1st on the East Coast, so like... this is fine, right? This is legal. Yeah. Let's go.)

Originally written September 20 (I think), 2021.

It's the first day of December, and everything has gone to Hell.

And by that, I mean that the heater has stopped working. So... it's more like anti-Hell. A freezing Hell.

December is many things. It's Christmas season. Cheery, bright excitement fills the air, and Christmas lights bedeck every building as far as the eye can see. Kids and adults alike are counting down the days. It's also a very cozy time, generally. It's the time to stay inside with blankets by the fire, making hot cocoa and cookies, and bundling up in scarves and hats and fuzzy socks.

One thing December is not, however, is warm. In fact, December is the opposite of warm. December temperatures are usually closer to 0 than 32, which is not very desirable, but especially not if you don't have a heater. So Cady and Janis are forced to be resourceful and find another heat source.

"Caddie, I think we need more stuffed animals."

The pile of multicolored blankets shifts and a small strawberry-blonde head pops out. "Janis, you have them all already."

"No." Janis' eyes go wide as she sticks her head out of the top of her stuffie cave like a startled jack-in-the-box. "No way."

"Yes way," Cady nods. "May I just mention however, you look adorable in the middle of that excessive amount of fur and creepy eyes. Are you still cold?"

"Yes, I'm still cold!" Janis huffs. "You took the blankets."

"Well, I won at rock-paper-scissors, I have a right to take the blankets!" Cady grins from within her blanket blob. Janis sighs.

"I never should have challenged you," she mumbles. "You always win."

"Exactly," Cady chuckles. "But I do see how it may be a bit unfair. So I'll make you a deal: you get to enter the blanket realm, if I get to be big spoon."

"Caddie, darling, how do I say this..."

"Say what, my dear?" Cady asks, knowing exactly what Janis is about to say.

"You'd be lucky if you could reach my butt with your toe."

"Charming as always," Cady whispers. "Would you rather I be little spoon? I was trying to give you extra warmth! I was trying to be charitable."

"I don't need your charity," giggles Janis, emerging from the pile of animals. As she stands up, they scatter around the room, a once-majestic mountain now turned to dust. Cady's arm shoots out from below her pile as she takes hold of a paw, then yanks it back in before her arm hair can freeze off.

"I'll have you know I almost broke your fingers," says Janis, poking her head between the layers of Cady's blanket cabin.

"Worth it," Cady replies in a sleepy voice, rolling onto her back and putting the stuffed cat on her chest. "Come." She pats the ground beside her as if Janis was a dog. Janis isn't sure what Cady thought was 'worth it'- the stuffie or her? Either way, as she enters the blanket wonderland, she can't help but giggle at Cady's meditative appearance.

"You know, I thought it would be harder to breathe in here, but it's actually a lot easier," muses Janis, flopping from her knees onto her side and almost squishing Cady's arm. She's built the inside in such a way that the blankets are suspended over them, held up using the power of an encyclopedia and half a kids' fort set that Janis got her for her birthday a few years back. Janis got the other half, but there was really no way to make the stuffed animals stay, so she settled for ditching it altogether and getting Cady to help pile them on top of her. It helped that Cady was so small she actually had room to fully stretch out. Yes, they could have easily gone to Damian's house and had warmth, but this was almost more fun. From Cady's mutterings over the past hour, Janis gathered that she was pretending they were in an igloo in the Arctic, there to observe penguin behaviors, and that they just had to brave the cold for a bit longer until the repair man arrived.

"Janis, when is-"

"The tech dude coming? I don't know. Um... I do know, I just forgot, hang on..."

"Hangin'."

"Caddie, what's Friday minus six?" Janis glances over at Cady to make sure her question made sense.

"Uh... if Friday minus seven is Friday, then that would be... Saturday." Cady looks over at Janis. "Right?"

"And Saturday plus four is Tuesday?"

"No, love." Cady props herself up on one elbow. "That would be Wednesday."

"So I'd need Saturday plus five."

"Yeah." Cady, content with Janis' weekday math skills, lays back down and wraps herself around the oversized teddy bear she brought in.

"Thanks, babe. He's coming on Thursday."

"Neurodivergent brains in sync today."

"Indeed."

"You could have just said tomorrow."

"But where's the fun in that?" Janis turns her head to look at Cady. "Thursday is so fun to say. And you know how my brain goes in dumb circles."

"I love your dumb circles," Cady mumbles.

"Thanks. But seriously, say it out loud. Thursday."

"Thursday."

"Thursday."

"Thursday." Cady yawns.

They continue thursday-ing for a while until finally Cady drifts off to sleep. Gently so as not to wake her, Janis pulls her closer by the shoulders as you would a cat, and carefully tucks her in under a stray blanket. Content with Cady's asleepness, she lays down with her arms loosely encircling her and closes her eyes, listening to Cady's short and even breaths alongside her deep inhales, and imagines a world of hot cider and starry skies.

Everything is sweet and silent for a while apart from the snow pattering gently on the window and Cady's breathing. Janis' mind wanders, going from her grandma to pretzel chips to the American Girl doll she had in third grade. She wonders what Cady's dreaming about. Is she dreaming of their future together? Of her past in Africa? Or is she not dreaming at all?

The answer is revealed when Janis sneezes and Cady almost hits her head on the encyclopedia. "Jay!" she whines. "I was enjoying that!"

"Enjoying what?" Janis asks, sniffling slightly.

"You holding me," she continues to whine.

"You were awake?"

"Yeah!" Cady almost sounds offended that Janis was unable to bust her fake sleeping.

"Well, you're really good at playing possum I guess," she mumbles, snuggling closer to Cady. "Come here."

She wouldn't have to tell Cady twice. The littler of the pair immediately squirmed closer into her girlfriend and made happy sleepy noises as she got pulled closer. The time was unknown; the blankets blocked out the light from the windows, but both girls had their eyes closed either way. It almost didn't matter- what the time was, what the weather was like, even the temperature was forgotten. They were lost in each others' embrace, tethered to the world only by the pressure of the other's arms and rise and fall of their chest. Despite the cold, all was right in the world- or at least, in the blanket blob.

[vegalume]

Happy Halloween! Here is this years Gundam Wing Halloween story.

Title: Thank You

Author: Vegalume

Fandom: Gundam Wing

A/U

Written October 26th and 27th 2021

-Players-

Duo

Heero

Trowa

Wufei

Quatre

Marienaia

Treize & Une (implied)

Thank You

By Vel

Thursday, October 31st 1974

“Duo, do you want to watch TV with us?” Quatre asked as he settled into the beat up old mustard colored sofa they had found on a curb a few months back.

“What are the choices?” He asked absently, hunched over a work bench across the garage from them, seated beside his boyfriend. 

They had been hiding out from the candy seeking children, and Duo’s folks, who were throwing a cocktail party in the house.

Too old to Trick-or-Treat, too young for the party. Being a teen sucked sometimes.

At least the folks had let them use the TV.

“The Waltons or the Odd Couple,” Quatre replied.

“Pass,” Duo replied as he turned back to his dad’s old Ham Radio. He had put it back together right, or at least he thought he had, but it wouldn't switch on.

“We should have gone to the movies,” Wufei commented. He was laying across an armchair tossing a tennis ball into the air and catching it again.

Trowa nodded, “We could've seen the Texas Chainsaw Massacre again.” 

“Buy tickets for Benji, and then nearly get caught sneaking into a rated R film, again?” Quatre asked. “No thank you.”

“Besides, we’re all broke,” Heero added and the group groaned in agreement.

 “Why won’t this work?” Duo snapped, slapping a hand on the workbench.

“Did you put batteries in it?” Heero asked and Duo froze, an embarrassed flush creeping up his neck. Heero chuckled and dug through the toolbox and pulled out what Duo needed and passed them over.

Duo put them into place and the radio lit up.

“Yes!” He punched a fist in the air then leaned over and gave Heero a quick peck on the lips before turning back to the radio and started fiddling with the dials. An eerie voice came through.

“Mary had a little lamb…”

“That’s creepy,” Wufei commented from the chair.

“It sounds like a little kid,” Quatre turned and hung over the back of the sofa. “She’s probably just messing around.”

“Hey kid,” Duo called, “You bored?”

“Hello?” a sweet, soft voice called back over the waves. “Can you hear me?”

“Yeah, I can hear you,” Duo replied and the voice on the other end immediately perked up.

“I’ve been calling for ages and no one has answered me.”

“My name is Duo. Are you just looking for someone to talk to?” he asked. “I can talk to you for a bit if you are.”

“I’m Mariemaia,” the sweet voice replied. “I’m eight.”

“Didn’t your dad tell you not to talk over this thing if you got it working. You don’t have a licence,” Heero interrupted.

Duo rolled his eyes at him and listened as the radio crackled. 

The voice didn’t come through but they could tell she was trying to talk to them again.

“Sorry I didn’t hear you. Can you repeat that?”

“My Daddy’s truck crashed. We’re upside down and him and Mama won’t wake up.”

Heero and Duo locked eyes as Trowa appeared at Duo’s shoulder.

“This can’t be real,” Trowa said. “If the truck has a radio in it, it would be a CB, and CB and Ham radios don’t work on the same frequency.”

Duo ignored him, “Where were you when you crashed?”

“On Rior Canyon road. Someone drove past us really fast and Daddy turned away and then we were upside down.”

“That’s less than fifteen minutes away. I want to go check it out,” Duo said.

“Let’s just call the police and let them check it out,” Wufei reasoned, now standing beside the bench as well.

“But what if it’s a prank?” Quatre asked, still hanging over the sofa. “We could get in trouble for reporting false information.”

“That’s why I want to look first.”

“But what if that’s what they want, then they murder you and leave you in a ditch somewhere?” Trowa asked.

“And what if there’s a little girl trapped upside down in a truck with her unconscious or possibly dead parents in a dark canyon.”

Heero let out a gusty sigh and stood up, “I’m driving.”

Quatre frowned. “If the radio has to stay here, how would you know where to go?”

Duo frowned. There really was no way to take the heavy, fragile Ham radio with them.

“Your dad’s recon radios?” Heero suggested. “We can take one with us and leave the other with one of them.” He jerked a thumb towards their friends.

“That will work,” Duo said, “I doubt he’ll even notice me borrowing them.”

Quatre gave a disapproving tut as Duo slipped into the house through the door that led into the kitchen. He returned a few minutes later with the radios and a flashlight. 

He passed one of the recons to Wufei who turned it on. “Channel 4?” He asked and Duo nodded.

Duo then went back to the Ham radio, “Honey, I’m gonna come look for you. My friend Quatre will stay on the radio and talk to you and let me know how you’re doing. Ok?”

“Ok, Duo.” She was quiet for a moment, “see you soon.”

Heero pulled the garage door up a few feet and they slipped under it and out onto the driveway. Duo handed him the keys to his dad’s truck, then turned in unison when someone decided to join them.

“If they are murderers, three are better than two,” Trowa said as he ducked under the door and followed them to the truck.

“If you say so,” Duo replied as he handed Heero the keys to his dad’s truck, then slid across the bench seat so he was between Heero and Trowa. He switched on the recon radio. “Can you hear me?”

“Loud and clear,” Wufei’s voice replied.

No one in the house seemed to notice as Heero started up the truck and pulled out of the driveway.

They had been in and around the canyon a hundred times so they were all fairly certain they could take a look around and tell if a car had crashed in the area.

“Do you see anything yet?” Wufei asked about ten minutes later.

“Not yet,” Duo replied, “We’re just reaching the turnoff from the main road.” As he said it they hit gravel, and the truck rattled along the stony bottom of the canyon.

They could only go so far before the canyon became too narrow for them to continue forward, or turn around. But if the truck had been run off of Rior road, and was upside down, it had to be inside the canyon.

If it was there, there were only so many places it could be.

The problem was it was nearing 9 o’clock and it had been dark for a few hours already.

“I don’t see anything at all,” Trowa said. He had been nearly hanging out of the passenger window, looking up towards the narrow road above trying to see if there was anywhere that looked like a vehicle had gone over the edge.

“Is there anything she can tell us that might help us zero in on them?” Heero asked.

“I’ll check,” Duo replied and asked Wufei to relay the message.

“Not really,” came his crackled reply. “She says it’s just dark and cold.”

“Up there maybe?” Trowa pointed towards a cluster of trees growing at the base of the incline several yards ahead. It didn’t look like a likely spot as there was no smoke and none of the trees were damaged, but it was pretty dark. And it was near the end of the gorge where it was dangerous to be because it was so tight and often encountered rock slides.

“We can’t go any farther in the truck. I might not get us turned around if we try.”

“Damn,” Duo sat back. “I just really have a feeling there’s something out here.”

Heero looked over at his boyfriend, then out to the darkness beyond the reach of the headlights.

“Trowa, stay with the truck,” Heero said as he popped open his door. “Duo, grab the radio and the flashlight. Let’s go take a look.”

“Really?” he asked in surprise.

“Just stay where you can see the truck,” Trowa said as his friends slipped outside.

“We won’t go too far,” Heero assured him.

“Damn it’s cold,” Duo gasped. None of them had thought to grab a jacket. He moved to close the door but Heero stopped him.

“Just in case we need to get back in quickly.”

“Yeah, Ok.” Duo agreed and they walked together towards the narrow area, the beam from the flashlight pointed towards the trees.

The radio crackled and Duo jumped, then laughed nervously.

“Wufei?” Heero asked and the radio crackled again.

“She says she can hear you,” Wufei said, sounding a little excited.

“Mariemaia?” Duo called and Wufei’s voice came over the radio again.

“Quatre and I heard you on the Ham.”

“We have to be close,” Heero said softly.

Duo panned the flashlight over the trees and brush, and just as the light hit something that reflected it back to them, Mariemaia’s voice called out.

“I see you.”

Duo and Heero hurried towards the brush and pushed some of the greenery aside.

The truck looked to be fifteen or twenty years old, and was completely rusted and covered in dust. Branches and weeds collected in the upturned wheel wells, which held tires that were all blown out and flat. The windshield and all but one of the windows were intact and so covered in dust that they couldn't see through them. 

“Hello?” Duo called, and heard his own voice back on the recon. 

“Let me check,” Heero said, taking the flashlight from Duo. He crouched to peer through the broken passenger window and with a scream he fell backwards to the ground. 

The flashlight flew, his hands crashing down into the gravel as he caught himself. He scooted backwards in the dirt. eyes wide.

“What is it?” Duo asked in concern, but all Heero could do was shake his head.

Duo picked up the flashlight and cautiously walked over to the window and leaned down.

“Oh god,” He breathed. “They’re dead.”

There was a loud squeal of feedback on the recon in his hand.

In the truck hanging strapped by their seatbelts across the bench were three skeletons. The father, the mother, and in between them was Mariemaia. A clump of stringy red hair clinging to her small skull. The handset of the radio still clutched in her mummified hand.

The radio crackled inside the truck, and the sweet voice spoke out.

“Thank you.”

Owari