#she also probably would have been badly socialized if she *had* been schooled but she was not.

[aita-blorbos]

AITA for ghosting my friends for a few years unprompted?

I, Sh (at the time 12F) and my friends Sa, H, and Ic (all 12F) have known each other since we were in elementary school. Really young, we've trusted each other with deep secrets and everything. We're now 15.

Problem is, at the start of middle school, one of my friends, Sa, was sent to the hospital. She got really sick out of nowhere, chronically, and as a result, none of us could see her for a long time-- Ic visited sometimes, but the hospital was so far away that the visits couldn't be frequent.

I'm not all that proud to admit it, but I didn't visit Sa. At all. Which might be a bit of a.. rude thing to do, especially with such a close friend as her.

While Sa was away, people in my school started giving me unwanted attention. I'm not the most social person, I'll be the first to say it, and I'm not very expressive either. To be honest, I prefer being alone a lot of the time instead of hanging out with my peers. Exceptions for my childhood friends of course.

Anyway, that year I didn't know anyone in my class. All my friends had been split up-- and, to top it off, my classmates started saying I was rude and stuck-up because I kept declining their invitations to hang out. They also started saying things about my friends, as if anyone that hung out with someone so rude was also rude too. "Birds of a feather flock together" or something, and things like "she thinks she's so much better than everyone, too".

I couldn't stand these people targetting Ic and H. I don't care what people think about me, I really don't, but I know how they can get, and I didn't want them to have any more stress than necessary. Sa's situation had taken a toll on everyone.

So, I started avoiding them. One day, I just did it. I stopped talking to them, I stopped hanging out. Stopped even glancing in their direction for too long. I know it wasn't the right thing to do, probably, and it still hurts remembering the look Ic gave me when I first started doing this. It was just me for a while, and my sister Sz.

But I just wanted to protect them. If I'd have told them what was going on, they'd have just worried about me instead! And then they'd keep talking to me at school, which would keep making those people talk badly about them.. I don't know.

I've wondered if this was the right decision to make for a while now. I still kind of regret it, but.. H did the same thing too, didn't she? She quit our group too.

Luckily, I was able to get back together with them. We're all in high school now, and out of nowhere, Sa came back! She was healthy enough to, and, well.. she wanted to form a band with the four of us. Like the old days.

I didn't accept at first, but eventually, we all agreed to join. I've already told all of them why I started avoiding everyone, but I still feel a bit bad. Also, I was.. well, kind of lonely.

So AITA?

[quietwingsinthesky]

millie’s natural state is covered in blood (<- may or may not be her own) and shaking like a feral dog. because she’s normal.

[thoughtlessthinkythoughts]

Look, I would love to believe that Gerry is having a perfect time in an alternate universe, but I can’t. Something is up. Note: I’m using some info from the arg spreadsheet for this.

Cw for unethical psychology experiments and harm to children.

He claims to have been too young to remember, but according to the spreadsheet he is two years older than Sam. Of course they probably weren’t tested at the same time, but his development level indicates he was school-aged.

He says he just remembers filling out forms and answering questions. The spreadsheet indicates that they put the kids through the Milgram experiment (you know, the giving electric shocks to people one)

He is happy to invite strangers in first thing in the morning and offer them anything- food, a large painting, etc. This goes beyond typical hospitality/generosity.

He even thinks the landlord is lovely. And yes I think this is a hint considering TMA’s politics.

Gerry immediately considers strangers old friends.

I may be reading the spreadsheet wrong because it is ambiguous. But if I am correct, when tested Gerry was ranked very prosocial, but also wasn’t compliant with the Milgram test or a test of social conformity (the one where a bunch of people lie about the length of a line to see if the person being tested will agree with something obviously wrong). The Gerry we met seems very compliant.

Gertrude is eager to get rid of Sam and Celia, which is completely understandable, but I think there is more to it. She knows something and wants this away from Gerry.

The little “I like them” “of course you do” exchange. It isn’t much on it’s own, but altogether…I don’t think Gerry has a choice. Not in liking them or being generous. I think Gerry was so close to being what they wanted, but he wouldn’t comply with some things, so they…somehow made him compliant.

According to the spreadsheet, Gerry had the second highest empathy index. The only individual higher was Sam. And I think we can assume Sam’s results are significant, considering he is a main character. Sam’s results were similar to Gerry’s in almost every way…except that Sam was given opposite results in the social conformity and obedience measures. In general, as empathy, moral development, and prosocial behavior increased in the kids, milgram and asch scores were lower, which is why I believe low=not going along with them.

So, the institute was looking for kids who were highly empathetic but also easy to control. Until they found Sam, Gerry was the closest, so they tried to control him. And ended up damaging him badly and messing with his memory of what happened.

[yuikomorii]

Admin, how do you think a young ayato with a human child could bond and have their friendship progress? (Similar to Edgar and Shu I suppose)

Ayato, prior to his mommy issues, seemed to have been a kind and socially intelligent kid ( him in young blood is just 🥹) I can imagine him escaping the castle, making a human friend, and continuing to be friends with them at their night high school. (Ignoring the human would probably die before Ayato reaches his teenage form)

You’re an Ayato specialist in my eyes haha so how can you imagine it playing out?

// I honestly believe Ayato would be the type to befriend a human, particularly as a child. Even if humans are considered inferior, the same might be said about ghouls, but even as a teenager, Ayato declared that he was opposed to their discrimination.

He would undoubtedly try to sneak out to play with him/her, even if it meant getting into trouble. Unfortunately, I doubt Cordelia would react kindly if she found out, and it would very likely end badly for that human child, making Ayato feel guilty yet again. :(

I wish Rejet had truly given Ayato an actual friend. Yui can no longer be converted into a vampire, and she will definitely die before him, which is very heartbreaking to consider because he will be completely alone after her death. Laito's situation is also bad, but at the very least, Ayato will always be there for him, providing him with support.

[sokoviansimp]

can you please do one of wanda and nat x child reader and getting them to do homework and eat hahahahah i love ur fics btw it makes me feel so warm

✒ Pairings: Wanda Maximoff, Natasha Romanoff x Child!Reader (platonic)

✒ Summary: Wanda and Nat try to get you to do your homework and eat your vegetables.

✒ Tags and Warnings: Homework, stubbornness, fluff, anxiety, making friends

✒ Author's Note: I really appreciate the request! I thought this was such a good idea, hopefully, I did it justice! Sorry, it took so long. To the other requests in my inbox, I am sorry I am so slow but I will be getting to them, they're all so good :)

✒ Word Count: 4744+

✒ Read Time: 24 minutes

Masterlist : The Package AU : Socials

“It sounds like a good opportunity, I don’t think it’s ever really too early to start” Nat urged. 

“I guess, but she’s just so young,” Wanda claimed as she moved to join her friend on the couch. 

“They’ll all be her age, it’s just for a week,” Nat insisted. 

Nat had found a program for young children to learn science and math for a week, it was kind of like a day camp. The parents would drop off the young children daily for 4 hours of hands-on learning. She thought this would be good for you since you have been following very closely in Peter’s footsteps when it comes to his interest in math and science. It would also introduce you to a school setting so that it isn’t so far out of your comfort zone next year when you go to attend preschool. 

To be truthful, you and Wanda were all Nat could think about lately. She wanted so badly to be there for you two, to help you achieve success and be given opportunities that she could’ve only dreamed of at your age. This sent her down a rabbit hole searching for events or activities you could take part in. Most of them were geared toward older children, but the science camp stated all ages so she jumped on it. 

Wanda was hesitant about the program, she didn’t want to push school onto you too early. You should be able to enjoy the time before it completely takes over your life for 14+ years. Nat had a point though, it’s only a week and you would probably really love it. She wasn’t sure how you would react to being left without her all day though, hopefully, now that you have been coming out of your shell the process would be easier but it was hard to say. 

Though, it’s inevitable that this will need to happen eventually. One week of practice would be helpful to smooth out the process once it's mandatory. Wanda really admired the way Nat was so enthusiastic about this program, like the way her voice became more animated and expressive. Wanda could hear the slight rise in her tone as she described the activities that you’d get to experience, and the way she leaned closer in proximity to show off the different amenities on the webpage had Wanda holding her breath and overthinking every little movement of her body. As she got lost in the sparkle in Natasha’s eyes, she couldn't help but scrutinize herself for making everything so awkward, ‘don’t move, don’t breathe. Okay, breathe but slowly. Does she notice? why is this making me feel this way? It’s not like we’ve never been close to each other before.’

“What do you think?” Nat jolted her from her spiraling thoughts, both mentally and slightly physically as Wanda startlingly looked at her. Of course, she hadn’t been paying attention to a thing Nat was saying, but she couldn’t know that. 

“Hmm, yea that sounds great,” she admitted, hoping she hadn’t just agreed to send you to a shield boot camp or something that only Natasha would find fun. 

 “Really?” Nat was beaming at the fact that Wanda liked her idea and genuinely hoped you would have a great time. 

“Ye- yea, I mean, it’s just a week and she’s going to have to get used to spending time without us.” Wanda went on to explain.

Natasha's heart skipped a beat. Us. She knew what Wanda meant by it and even though she recognized it wasn’t anything that she should read into, Nat couldn't help but analyze it. Such a simple phrase, but it had the prospect to hold so much meaning. Wanda had included her in her vision of your future, as a unit, as us. In reality, Wanda knew Natasha would always be there for you, but Natasha couldn’t help but feel a wave of warmth and happiness wash over her at the thought of it meaning something more, causing her cheeks to flush and a smile to form on her face. 

When Wanda and Nat told you about the camp, you were initially really excited, until you found out that you’d have to go alone. Sure, they would drop you off, but then they would leave, and then, who would protect you if something went wrong? Who would be there to hold you when you got nervous around the crowd of unfamiliar faces?

“Mama?” you broke the silence as you sat snuggled into her side on the couch of the common room, enveloped in mostly darkness except for the soft glow from the television. 

“Yes, detka?” she glanced down at you as your head tilted up to meet your eyes with hers. 

“Do I have to go to da sciewence schoowl?” you asked softly, just barely above a whisper, not wanting to make trouble but you couldn’t get the fact that you would have to go alone out of your mind. 

Wanda immediately shifted her full attention to you in an attempt to create a safe and open space for you to express your worries, “I thought you were excited?”

“Well, I am- I was, but, I don't want to go wiffout you or Natty.” you admitted as you translated your fears from thoughts into words. 

"I see, I understand that you're feeling nervous about going without us, and that's completely okay, my love. It's natural to feel a little anxious when we step out of our comfort zone," she said as she gently rubbed your arm in soothing motions. She wanted to help you work through these feelings instead of blocking off new opportunities due to fear. In the end, she wouldn’t force you to go, but she would do everything she could to get you open to the experience. 

“You know, even adults get feelings like these when they're about to try something new or go to unfamiliar places. I remember when I first joined the Avengers, I felt a mix of excitement and nerves. But you know what?” 

“What?” 

“It turned out to be an incredible journey filled with wonderful people and unforgettable adventures. I got to meet my two favorite people in the whole world"

“Me?” your expression shifted from nervous to curious, as you wondered where Wanda was going with this. 

“Yes you, and Nat,” she says unable to mask the smile that forms near automatically from the mention of her best friend.

“What if, der is no one der for me?” you wonder 

"You will have so many other kids there that are your age that you can make friends with, malysh"

“What if dey don’t wike me?” You were genuinely worried about meeting other kids your age. You’ve only ever been around adults and you weren’t quite sure what to expect. Would they all already know each other? Would there be a certain way you were expected to act around them? 

"What’s not to like? You have the kindest heart and the most beautiful spirit of anyone I know.” she was speaking from the heart as she genuinely believed what she told you. Wanda watched you go from this scared little girl who was being held captive in a Hydra base to a kid who gets excited to talk about the solar system and wildlife habitats with Peter. She watched you open up and accept these people, even the men on the team,  into your life despite your wariness. She’s sure you are capable of anything you really put your mind to, “Making friends has one simple rule and if you follow it, it's practically foolproof, do you know what that is?”

You just shook your head in response, waiting for her to continue.  

“Just be yourself. If you do that you'll attract real friends who appreciate you for who you are," she said as she tapped your chest, pointing to your heart. 

“Be myself?” you wondered what it meant as you repeated the words on your own tongue. You don’t recall ever acting like someone else. “Who else would I be?”

Wanda couldn't help but chuckle at your innocence and how cute you were, “Some people try to change for others. They change their personalities, their opinions, and sometimes even their looks just to fit in with other people.”

“Oh. so, wike, pwetending?”

"Exactly! You are capable of so much more than you realize, my little one. Have faith in yourself."

You thought over her words as the show continued to play in front of you on the TV. You were so close to being on board with it, but you couldn’t get over the possibility of being stuck there without a way out. The way Wanda spoke so highly of you, gave you the confidence you needed to believe you could make friends, but what if everything really did go horribly wrong, would you be stuck there all day? 

“Mama?” you continued the conversation after a few minutes of watching tv had passed. 

“Hmm?”

“I want to go to da sciewence schoowl, but what if I need you when I der?”

Wanda thought about this for a moment, You're far too young to have a cell phone, but a communication line wouldn’t be such a bad thing for you. It could help calm your anxiety and in her line of work, anything could happen so it would make things safer. 

“Well, if there is something really important, you can tell your teacher and she can get ahold of me,” Wanda explained. You didn’t seem too satisfied with that answer though as you gave a somber acknowledgment. What if you weren't able to get the teacher's attention, or the teacher just plain refused, the plan just didn't seem very solid. 

Wanda could see that you weren’t content with her solution, “Or I can show you a trick,” she offered. 

Your face perked up, immediately intrigued, your little hands clutching a stuffed toy tightly, gazed up at Wanda with wide-eyed wonder, “a trick?” you asked

“Close your eyes, my little one,” Wanda explained and you did as she instructed, “now, take a deep breath. Imagine a warm light surrounding us, enveloping us like a soft, protective blanket. or a big fluffy cloud”

As you sat with your eyes closed, a serene smile graced Wanda's face. She concentrated, allowing her own powers to flow through her, and extended her thoughts toward you. With a gentle touch of her mind, she created a bridge between your thoughts, a telepathic connection unique to you.

"Now, detka," Wanda whispered, "I want you to think of something you want to tell me, but without saying it out loud. Just focus on the feeling and the words in your mind."

Your brows furrowed and your face scrunched in concentration, your little face reflecting the effort of trying to convey your thoughts through this newfound connection. Wanda could feel your tiny mind reaching out tentatively, like a fragile thread stretching between the two of you.

With each passing moment, the connection grew stronger, and soon your eyes fluttered open, revealing a mixture of surprise and delight. "Mama, can you hear me?" your innocent voice echoed softly between your minds, blending with the quiet hum of the room.

Wanda's heart swelled with joy as she nodded, her eyes shimmering with pride. "Yes, dorogoy, I can hear you!" she exclaimed, "Our thoughts are connected now, and no matter where we are, we can talk to each other like this. Whenever you need me, I will be there for you,” she explained.

In that magical moment, your minds intertwined, You two shared a connection that transcended words. With telepathy, you could communicate your deepest thoughts, dreams, and feelings, strengthening the unbreakable bond between mother and child. Perhaps most importantly to you though, you were able to reach Wanda without the confines of distance. 

As you sat there, immersed in your newfound ability, Wanda couldn't help but marvel at the wonder of it all. She knew that this telepathic connection would serve as a source of comfort and reassurance for you, a constant reminder that you were always connected, even when physically apart.

With that, you were content with the decision to attend the science camp. Not only that, but you were excited again. Instead of focusing on the parts that worried you, you were able to shift your focus onto all the exciting things you were bound to learn and discover. Your mind ran wild with outrageous theories, like discovering fossils or trying to figure out the speed of a flamingo by simply racing beside it. 

The first day of camp approached rather quickly. In the days leading up, you would often use your new ability to have silent conversations with Wanda. Sometimes you would do it to practice and make sure that you still could when you needed to, and other times you did it to express feelings and emotions that you had trouble translating into words. 

Wanda and Nat were both there to drop you off on your first day, you were less nervous than they expected you to be which they were grateful for. Now that you were able to contact Wanda you felt safe in exploring new experiences alone, and maybe that's because you never felt alone, because she would always be there for you if you needed. 

The camp was divided into different age groups. The majority of the kids were 4th and 5th graders, but there was a small group of children your age. Wanda and Nat were grateful that you would have enough children to socialize with but not so many that it would seem overwhelming. Hopefully, with the smaller group, it would be easier to make friends. 

In fact, you didn't even get to the classroom before you made your first friend, “Hi, I’m Matthew, what's your name?” you turned to the voice that spoke behind you, “Hi! I’m Y/N” you greeted. “Y/N! Dat’s a cool name! You wike space too? I wove space!” he mentioned as he noticed your shirt that showed a playful astronaut floating in space, holding a slice of pizza in one hand and giving a thumbs-up with the other reading Pizza Planet Explorer, “Wanna be fwreinds?” he asked. 

You were caught off guard by how quickly he spoke and became distracted, but of course, you wanted to make friends and you already had something in common, “Yes, we can be fwreinds, I love space too. My favowite planet is Saturn” you enthusiastically replied. 

“I wike Jupiter da most cuz it’s da biggest,” Matthew responded. 

The two of you sat next to each other throughout the demonstrations and even shared a table at lunch. Wanda had packed you a container of yogurt, sliced strawberries and baby carrots, and some Mini turkey and cheese roll-ups which were basically just a turkey sandwich rolled into bite-sized pieces for easy eating. At the bottom of your lunch box, there was a note that read, 

My Dearest Y/N,

I hope you're having a wonderful day at school! I am so incredibly proud of you. Remember, my little superhero, you have the power to do anything you set your mind to. Each day, you're growing stronger, smarter, and more amazing. I can't wait to hear all about your day when you come home. Keep shining bright, my sunshine.

With all my love,

Mama

You couldn’t help but smile as you attempted to read the note, you still weren’t really able to read but you were able to pick out keywords like love, smarter, amazing, and superhero, so you got the vibe and felt comforted by it, which is all Wanda had hoped for.

 “What’s dat?” Matthew asked as he saw you set the note down next to your baby carrots. “Oh, my mama wrote me a note” you explained. 

“Oh wow, she must really love you,” he stated as he wondered why he never received any notes with his meal. 

“Yea, she does,” you said with a gleaming smile. 

You managed to survive the entire day without contacting Wanda at all. She hoped it was a good sign as she and Nat headed to pick you up. They were made sure to be there 5 minutes before pick-up so that you wouldn’t have to wait, knowing you’d be excited to see them and tell them all about how it went. 

As soon as the door opened for dismissal, you immediately found Wanda’s green eyes and ran full speed with your arms stretched out reaching for a hug. She enveloped tightly you as she lifted you off the ground for a long embrace. The two were happy to see that your face was filled with nothing but joy. 

Wanda continued to carry you as the three of you headed toward the car. Wanda ducked into the driver's seat after getting you settled into your car-seat and Nat took the seat next to you in the back so that she could hear all about your day. 

“Sooo, how was it? Tell us all about it!” Nat insisted. 

“Was so fun! We learned bout uhm- OH! JUPITER HAS A RAINSTORM! And Mafwew said dat if we went to space, der wouldn’t be any noise.” 

“Matthew?” Wanda asked as she caught glimpses of you speaking through her rear view mirror. 

“Yea mama! My new fwiend! He wikes space tew!” you excitedly announced. You went on to tell them all about the things that you learned and how much fun you had with Matthew. Tomorrow couldn't come quick enough. 

“Did they give you any homework?” Nat asked once you had finished. 

“Oh yea, is in my bag” you answered as you showed Nat where it was in your bag. She read over the instructions and mentioned that you could do it right when you got home. The assignment wasn’t anything too difficult, but it sure was time-consuming. 

The project was about energy and showing how much we consume every day. The worksheet was laid out so that all you had to fill in were blocks of color. You were given a piece to plug into your outlets and once you had the item mentioned plugged in, it would show an amount. Then you had to fill in the bubble that corresponded with the range on your outlet. 

Nat and Wanda both helped you through this but you soon became bored and no longer wanted to do it. It was so repetitive and your toys were sitting right there just waiting to be played with. Eventually you got through it without making too much of a fuss and you could finally get on with what you wanted to do, except that didn't last long because before you knew it, Wanda was telling you it was bathtime. 

“But mama, I just stawrted pwlayin” you said somberly. 

Wanda wanted to give you more time to play but it was already getting late and you had to be up early tomorrow, “I know, I’m sorry baby, but it’s late and you need a bath before camp tomorrow.” Without a fight, you reluctantly followed hoping that tomorrow would be better. 

When you arrived home from camp the next day, the same dreaded question was asked, “Do you have any homework today?” You remembered how long and grueling your homework was last night, and instead of showing them the papers that your teacher gave you, today, you simply shook your head. Of course, Nat, the trained super spy, noticed the hesitation in your response as the gears turned in your brain and saw right through you. Deciding that she would look in your bag herself once you all arrive at the compound.

You immediately ran to the common room to play with your toys. Natasha, in the kitchen with Wanda, investigated your bag as Wanda cleaned your lunch box. “No homework huh?” Nat muttered as she held up your papers for Wanda to see. They shared a knowing look as Nat mentioned she would talk to you while Wanda finished cleaning out your lunch. 

Natasha entered the common room, a concerned expression on her face, holding your backpack in her hand. She had a feeling something was off when you claimed there was no homework. She sat down next to you, as you played with your toys.

"Hey, sweetheart," Natasha said gently, placing the bag on the coffee table. "I happened to find something interesting in your backpack. Do you want to explain why you said you didn't have any homework?"

Your eyes widened, realizing you had been caught in your little white lie. You fidgeted with your toys, avoiding Natasha's gaze. "I... I didn't want to do it. It- it takes SOO long, and den I don’t get to play." you admitted. 

Natasha reached out and gently turned your face towards her, meeting your eyes. "Sweetheart, I understand that homework can sometimes feel dull, but it's important to be honest with us. We're here to help and support you, but we need to know what's going on."

Wanda entered the room once your bag was all cleaned. Sensing the tension, she knelt down beside Natasha and spoke in a reassuring tone. "Y/N, we want you to succeed in everything you do. And that includes being honest, even when it's hard. We're a family, and families trust and support each other."

A family. 

Natasha noticed the term and felt elated that she was included in the phrase. The three of you were a family. It didn’t matter whether Wanda and Nat were best friends, or something more than that; the three of you were family. You felt their endless love, even if they hadn’t figured out that part of that love lay within each other. 

Your lower lip quivered, realizing the weight of your actions. "I'm sorry, Natty. I didn't mean to lie."

Natasha's expression softened, and she pulled you into a comforting hug. "It's okay, sweetheart. We all make mistakes, and the important thing is to learn from them. Let's work on being honest with each other, alright?"

Wanda joined the hug, enveloping you both in her warm embrace. "We love you, Y/N, no matter what. And we're here to help you with your homework too. It doesn't have to be boring. We can find fun and creative ways to learn together."

You sniffled, feeling a mix of relief and remorse. They were right. Lying wasn't the solution, and you knew deep down that they were always there to support her. You nodded, determined to make things right.

“It can be fun?” you wondered how they planned to turn such a mundane task into something, fun.

“We can turn it into a special challenge!" Nat chimed in

You looked up, curious about the proposal. "A challenge?"

Wanda chimed back in, joining the conversation. "That's right, sweetheart! We'll create a reward system for each task you complete. Once you finish your homework, we can all have a movie night or make your favorite dessert together."

Your eyes lit up with excitement. "Really? We can have a movie night?"

Natasha nodded. "Absolutely! But first, we need to get those homework assignments done. Let's break it down into smaller tasks, so it feels less overwhelming. We'll be right here with you, cheering you on."

Wanda took your hand and sat beside you at the table. Nat and Wanda each took turns reading different questions out for you. 

With their gentle encouragement and the promise of a fun reward, you felt motivated. They both stayed by your side, offering guidance and praise as you worked through each task. They made the process enjoyable by adding some playful moments and even turning math problems into little games.

As you completed each question, you couldn't help but feel a sense of accomplishment. With every finished task, you grew more confident and proud of yourself. By the time you completed your last assignment, you practically beamed with joy. Almost as if homework was just as fun as playtime with your toys. 

Natasha and Wanda gathered around you, excitedly applauding your efforts. "Great job, Y/N! You did it!" Natasha exclaimed.

Wanda hugged you tightly. "We're so proud of you, sweetheart."

You grinned, feeling a sense of pride and happiness wash over you. With your two favorite people by your side, even homework could turn into an adventure filled with love and support; and as promised, you all enjoyed a delightful movie night, celebrating your achievements. You had shocked both Wanda and Nat with your choice of movie for the night, Planet 51, purely because it was something other than Frozen. 

For the rest of the week, Natasha and Wanda made it a point to create a positive and engaging homework routine for you. They turned studying into a fun activity, incorporating games, rewards, and plenty of encouragement. You learned that honesty and open communication were far more rewarding than any short-lived escape from homework.

Together, you tackled assignments, explored new concepts, and celebrated each milestone. You discovered that learning could be an exciting journey, especially when shared with your favorite people.

//

A few days later, the aroma of a freshly cooked meal wafted through the air of the kitchen, tempting your taste buds and filling the room with mouthwatering scents as you sat patiently at the table. Once Wanda had begun serving up plates of food, you noticed that the meal was something that you had no interest in eating. Your once adventurous appetite had transformed into a discerning palate, making mealtime a challenge for your loving guardians, Natasha and Wanda. 

"Come on, Y/N," Natasha coaxed, her voice gentle but firm. "You need to eat your vegetables. They'll make you strong like a superhero."

Your bottom lip jutted out, and you crossed her arms, proclaiming, "I don't like vegables, Natty!"

Wanda, with her patient demeanor, joined in, her voice filled with warmth. "But sweetheart, vegetables have magical powers! They can give you energy to run fast like-" Wanda abruptly cut her sentence short at the sudden realization that you had never met her brother. Pietro never had the chance to become an uncle before his life was tragically taken from her, him. She struggled to come up with a new comparison, as her mind was scrambling to revive her sentence. Nat immediately picked up on Wanda’s distress and quickly put a reassuring hand on Wanda’s shoulder as she took over, “They can make you strong like Mr. Bucky and Peter,” Nat concluded. 

The presence of Nat’s hand on her shoulder quelled Wanda’s mind from running in circles trying to backpedal as she focused on the way it felt to have Nat soothingly move her hand from her shoulder to her back in a messy circular motion, subconsciously leaning into her ever so slightly.

You glanced skeptically at the colorful array of vegetables on your plate. "Really?"

Natasha nodded, a playful sparkle in her eyes. "Absolutely! And if you eat your vegetables, you might even develop some superpowers of your own."

You carried the skepticism into your look back to Nat, “I alweady hab powers!” You said as you called her out. 

Nat’s eyes widened ever so slightly as she remembered that little detail but you didn’t catch the slight crack in her resolve. She was so used to treating you like a kid, like a normal kid, that she began to suppress the fact that you are in fact enhanced yourself, “New ones,” she responded as she covered up her slight oversight.

Wanda smiled as she watched the interaction, her voice filled with excitement. "Perhaps you'll develop the power to talk to animals or create beautiful flowers with just a wave of your hand."

Your imagination ignited, and you tentatively reached for a small piece of broccoli, eyeing it with newfound intrigue. Hesitantly taking a bite, to your surprise, a burst of flavor danced on your tongue.

"Yummy!," You exclaimed, a hint of both shock and amazement in your voice.

Natasha and Wanda exchanged triumphant glances, their plan unfolding successfully. They knew that sometimes a dash of imagination and a sprinkle of superhero magic were all it took to conquer a picky eater's heart.

Encouraged by your enthusiasm, Natasha and Wanda continued to weave tales of vegetable-powered adventures, turning each bite into a step closer to unlocking extraordinary powers. With every vegetable conquered, your confidence grew, and soon the plate was empty—a victorious battle won against the picky eater dilemma.

As you savored the last bite, you looked up at Natasha and Wanda, a bright smile lighting up your face. "I did it! I ate all my vegebles, just wike a real superhero!"

Natasha and Wanda shared a proud glance, their hearts brimming with joy. Together, they celebrated the triumph of a small victory, knowing that love, creativity, and a touch of superhero magic had transformed a picky eater into a courageous little hero.

Taglist: @mymommawanda@livslifeonline@reggierizzoli@mythixmagic@lesbicentism@marvelogic@katethewriter @inluvwithfictionalwomen @spooky-reader1 @marvelogic ​@kissforvoid

[imfinereallyy]

For the dialogue prompts steddie #14

Ask, and you shall receive :) from the dialogue prompts found here

14. “I know you’re the president of the Anti-Social Club, but why don’t you join me?”

_____

Steve couldn't believe he had agreed to this. He was in hell, for sure. Steve would take the Upside Down over being back here in Hawkins High. But he just couldn't say no to Robin. He had begun to think it was near impossible to say no to her. Especially when her voice got raspy and sad, and she did that fucking head tilt.

Steve honestly wasn't sure how Rob hadn't managed to get laid yet. She was charming when she didn't try. Steve wasn't even remotely attracted to her, the girl was his sister at this point, and yet she had managed to make him melt repeatedly. The only people who had managed to make him cave without romantic feelings involved were the kids, so she had to have some sort of game.

Still, Steve can't believe he gave in to the prom.

Robin had wanted to go so badly, though, which had surprised him. Very conformist of Robin, but Steve understood the need to fit in, even in your last moments. And Robin had told him if she didn't get to go with who she really wanted, if she didn't get to go with a girl, she wanted to go with her best friend. So sue him; he caved and went to prom with her.

"I'm not wearing a tie." He had told her.

He was wearing a fucking tie. Purple to match her dress.

The only thing that made it better was Eddie was stuck with him in his misery.

"Look at them." Eddie nodded to the dancefloor from his seat. Apparently, Eddie's weak point had been Nancy, of all people. And he wasn't even attracted to her (he'd insisted on the matter, in fact. And considering his own friendship with Robin, he was inclined to believe him). They had become weird friends over the past few months. So much so that Eddie came to the one place he swore would only see him for graduation. Steve had to admire Eddie's commitment to the friendship.

Steve was also pretty sure Eddie was terrified to say no to Nancy.

Steve looked in the direction Eddie pointed at. There, in the middle of the dancefloor, were Robin and Nancy giggling, dancing like maniacs. Ironically, maniac was playing.

Steve's early tension eased a bit at the sight. If Steve coming had gotten Robin to smile like that, it was worth the bad memories that came with the school gym.

"How long before Nance makes a move on her, you think?"

Eddie raised his eyebrows, and looked taken aback by Steve's question. "Bold to assume they are into each other, Harrington."

Steve snorted, "Not really. I know you know about Robs, so it's not like I'm outing her. Wouldn't do that. And sure, Nancy hasn't said anything. But I dated her for over a year. I know what she looks like when she's in love with someone."

"Aaah yes, the star-crossed lovers of Hawkins High. How could I forget about the lovebirds."

Steve looked at Eddie across the table, "No she never looked at me like that. I meant Jonathan."

"Oh," Eddie whispered. Steve wasn't hurt by the assumption; he was past that. Well, he was trying to be. He didn't love Nance like that anymore, but the way it ended had left its mark.

Steve felt a bit of envy as he looked at the two girls, now slow dancing. He wanted that. To dance with someone like no one was watching. To hold someone. He never got that.

"I think probably soon, to answer your question from earlier. I'm a little jealous, I have to admit. No one bats an eye at two girls dancing."

Steve wrinkled his nose in confusion, "What, you not gonna dance Munson?"

It was Eddie's turn to snort. "Um, no, Steve. I've never done it, and even if I could, the ladies aren't really who I would want to dance with. Believe it or not, my time with the bats was a one-off. I prefer to be alive, and this town wouldn't take too kindly to my dance partner preferences.

Steve's heart stuttered for a moment. Something ignited in his chest. Something that couldn't be confused with anything other than hope. "What?"

Eddie stared for a second, "Dude. I'm gay."

"No I got that. It's just, you've never danced with someone? Like ever?"

Eddie laughed, "C'mon man don't be surprised."

Steve suddenly stood up and extended his hand. "C'mon."

"Harrington, did you not hear a word I just said. Besides, I'm not going to give these assholes a show."

Steve let out an exasperated sigh, "Look, I know you’re the president of the Anti-Social Club, but why don’t you join me? I have an idea, and I promise nothing bad will happen to you on my watch.”

Eddie hesitated but grabbed Steve's hand. Eddie was stiff as Steve dragged him from his seat.

Steve walked them through the double doors of the gymnasium and out into the hallway. Eddie let out a confused yelp. "What—where are we going, Steve?"

"Just trust me."

Eddie stayed silent the rest of the way until they reached O'Donnell's classroom. "Are you seriously taking back here? Is this a joke?"

"No, I just know she's the only teacher who doesn't lock her door. C'mon." Steve walked Eddie inside the room and shut the door. Luckily, the desks had all been stacked and pushed to the sides of the room, so there was plenty of open space for his plan.

"Okay, so, put your hands around my neck. We are going to do this the easy way instead of the traditional way."

"Ooo, kinky Stevie. Didn't know you were into that." Eddie listened anyway and threw his arms over Steve's shoulders, connecting his hands at the base of Steve's neck.

A blush spread over Steve's face. "Shut up. You knew what a meant."

Eddie gave his first genuine laugh of the night in response.

Steve placed his hands on Eddie's hips. He took a moment to collect himself before proceeding. Steve could feel the warmth of Eddie's hips through the fabric of his black button-up. It was thrilling to be able to feel him this way. Steve had always imagined him to be cold, but he was pleasantly surprised by the outcome. It fit Eddie to be warm; the man was a ball of sunshine despite his outward appearance.

After a moment, Steve started to sway them back and forth. "Move with me, Munson. There is no one around."

Eddie obeyed easily. "Ya know, when you claimed me the president of the anti-social club, I thought, ya know, we were going to be social."

"You are being social, Eddie, just being social with me. Besides, you want me to stop?"

Eddie whispered, "No. It's nice." Eddie leaned his forehead against Steve's as they continued to sway.

Steve began to hum under his breath. The music from the gym was too far away to make out any sort of beat. He decided to make his own music, just for Eddie.

Eddie giggled, "Are you humming 'Dreams' by Fleetwood Mac right now?" He rubbed his thumbs against the nape of Steve's neck.

Chills went down Steve's spine at the contact. He would have to remember to thank Robin later on for dragging him to prom, for giving him this moment. "Yea, you got a problem with that?" Steve's tone wasn't mean but scratchy and raw. Vulnerable. He didn't want to do anything to break the moment.

"It's perfect," Eddie said as he looked directly into Steve's eyes.

"Good." Steve brushed his lips against Eddie's. Then he sang in a whisper against his mouth,

"It's only me who wants to wrap around your dreams/And have you any dreams you'd like to sell?"

____

This was a cute one to write; thanks for the prompt. hope it lives up to what you wanted :)

Sorry if this feels rushed; I accidentally posted it before it was finished at first, so I panicked to go back and made the final edits.

[alwahyeonie]

put that cat in the bag ⋆.˚

jaemin’s friend group

only fans😨

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ . ✦

jaemin- biology major

has 3 cats luna lucy and luke, works at a pet shop just because the benefits there are great and the pay too, like to take pictures as a hobby, has been besties with jeno since high school when they had to sit beside each other and became close with each other over time, quite well know in campus for his looks

jeno- music major

he’s allergic to cat fur but still helps to look after jaemin’s cat sometimes, he knows how to play the guitar, piano and violin. always entertain jaemin’s nuisance and enjoy to go to the gym

mark- music major

also knows how to play the guitar and likes to compose songs together with jeno and donghyuck, he’s pretty well know too for his looks and great personality, he’s closest with donghyuck as they have been friends since childhood and have a love hate relationship with each other

donghyuck or haechan- music major

loves to annoy mark and the others but is a softy inside. composes music with mark and jeno and is pretty well know in campus for always either attending party’s or throwing one in which he would drag all of his friends to attend, big social butterfly for most people know him

winter- media major

might be gay but we never know, got badly ruined over by a guy that she sweared to never date a guy ever again, some people are jealous of her as she always hanged out with the guys but she could give less of a fuck

jisung- performing arts major

emo boy who’s awkward with everyone but once you know home he’s pretty chill, most people on campus that know him likes him as he’s not the type to create drama, doesn’t really like to be know but has somewhat alot of girls chasing him

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ . ✦

notes:

i was gonna post this earlier but i accidentally deleted my draft but anywasy my phone is lagging real bad and it’s probably overheating so awsome but i might post the intro tonight or tomorrow so yeahhh

(27.12.24)

yn’s friend group | masterlist | next

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ . ✦

if you liked the blog, please like and reblog!! thank you!



[sea-salted-wolverine]

Had a weird nightmare about a cult

It was in a church, just an average protestant midsized church, you would expect boy scout meetings in the backroom kind of a place. I was there with some anonymous friend/ acquaintance, the pretty older girl from high-school who was popular and yet genuinely nice, her mom is friends with your mom, her family is well known and well liked, offending her would be social suicide not because of anything she would do but because everyone you know would take her side and grant her victim status because she's just so nice.

She had invited me to some function and I was going out of curiosity and obligation, which is the only reason I'm ever in a church anyways. I was guaranteed to know people there, in the same roundabout, you-know-people-I-know kinda way.

Because its about to be relevant, I'm wearing skinny jeans and a sort of blousey black tank top. I've also got black nail polish and thats a fully normal irl outfit for me. Maybe a bit casual for a Sunday-best style church function, but I was not under the impression that's what I was going to.

I show up and am promptly ushered into the coat closet because what I am wearing is completely unacceptable. (I'm calling it a coat closet because that's what it is, but the churches in my area all have a full sized room set aside for outerwear storage because for half the year everyone shows up in a full down parka and that takes up a ton of space)

Anyway, I'm like, "oh shit I didn't realize this was formal, I can run home and change if its okay that I'm a few minutes late, or if someone has a spare dress I'll wear that" which is also something I have done irl. No one ever tells me anything but I'm small and can cinch down big waistlines and make it look intentional that I'm wearing wildly misfit clothing. So like, the dream is getting weird but in the same way that my real actual life gets wierd.

So then she hands me what is fundamental the same thing I'm already wearing, a pair of slightly darker wash skinny jeans that are slightly higher waisted and with more spandex and buttons, and a black polyester/lycra cropped tank top, which is a shirt I've been looking for irl. And she's apologetic about it, as in, "sorry 😞, hope these fit, 😔 might be a little small"

It's a transparent body shaming attempt, because everything is a xs or a size zero, and meant to make you feel uncomfortable and ungainly in too small clothes, but its so badly executed that I just kinda roll with it, like, okay 🤨. Also I like the tank top.

So I change, and she's finding me a bag to stash my clothes in, and some dude sticks his head in the coat closet as I've got one leg in the new pants. And the whole thing feels so very staged, like I'm supposed to be embarrassed about squeezing into too tight pants in front of some acquaintances hot older brother. Either that or my brain is trying to set up some bad porno wet dream and none of the options are working.

Because the pants fit fine and if you have somehow reached adulthood and are scandalized by the sight of a thigh you're the wierd one for being raised under a rock by blind snakes. So I'm figuring out how to fit my phone and wallet into my waistband because these pants don't have pockets and trying to remember whats-his-faces name, I'm almost certain it starts with a j and I've definitely heard it before but I can probably get away with claiming I mixed him up with someone else and not be considered rude, Jacob? Jason? Jeremy? Jed? Oh wait, is he somebody's boyfriend rather than somebody's brother?

But now he's holding my hand and tut-tuting over my nails because I absolutely cannot have black nails, and wouldn't I prefer a nice dusty pink?

At which point I think I kinda woke myself up because the no rice on Tuesdays tactic of high control groups popped into my head, by name, as that specific phrase, and I went "hmm, yep, this is weird, gimme my shit I'm leaving"

But that only conjured up the first girls mom, complete with a really nice travel duffle with my clothes in it. So I'm yanking my clothes out of the bag, because if I take the bag and leave they're going to want it back and that gives them another opening for things they think you owe them. Anyways shes dissapointed in me, in that performative manipulation kinda way. She says something like if I wanted her daughters shirt I can just have it, heavily implying that I'm causing a scene and being an unreasonable bitch, at which point it occurs to me that it's fucking wierd that they have clothes this small at all because everyone in the building is at least 6 inches taller than I am.

Whats-his-face is still hovering and now he's got a hand on my shoulder thats meant to be reassurance and all I can think is wow you guys are really bad at this. I can hear people in the next room and I know they're people like, my grandparents friends and prospective employers and other important social connections and I need to get out of here without making a scene, which isn't gonna happen.

At some point I said Jesus Christ in the context of a frustrated curse word, which they all jumped on and said I needed to let the lord into my heart or some shit. To which sleepytime subconscious responded to with CAUSE A SCENE AND CONTROL THE NARRATIVE!!!

So I raised my voice loud enough to be heard in the other room and told the guy to get his hands off me or I would punch him in the dick. And because no one believes you when you tell them you're going to punch them in the dick he did not take his hands off me and was calmly and rationally requesting that I calm down and be civil so I followed through and punched him in the dick.

Committing physical violence in a dream always wakes me up, pretty much immediately, but I did get a few glimpses of storming out through a crowd, yelling about entitled pricks in closets and if anyone ever felt like leaving the cult I would give them a hand.

So yeah. What's your religious trauma look like?

[thestobingirlie]

I have to rant about this because I just noped out of a fic because of it and I need your opinion on it but,

One prevailing fandom trope in any Steve-centric fic that bugs the shit out of me is when they make Steve's popularity absolutely tank either after he drops Tommy and Carol, or after Billy shows up.

Because firstly, just because Tommy and Carol are no longer friends with Steve doesn't mean everyone else will suddenly stop liking him to. In fact, based on Barb's reaction to Nancy potentially dating Steve (excited) to when she brings up Nancy being friends with Tommy and Carol (which Nancy reacts badly to), Tommy and Carol have a worse reputation than Steve does at school so wouldn't people be happy that Steve dropped them?

Steve's also on multiple sports teams and let me tell you as a former sports team player, you don't successfully play on or captain a sports team without at least kind of being friends with/getting along with the people on that team. Getting beat up by a "loser" like Jonathan probably would get him sympathy instead of scorn considering how people seem to feel about Jonathan in general (and because I know that news of those pictures got spread around the school so people likely thought Steve was just being an ongoing victim of Jonathan's creepiness). He's also a rich, attractive, and funny guy. There's no way people just decide to drop him because he dumped Tommy and started dating Nancy.

Then there's the fact that when Billy does show up, Steve is still King Steve enough that Billy almost immediately knows that this is the person he has to beat in order to be Top Dog. He specifically says that everyone keeps talking about King Steve, so why would they be if Steve dropped off the social ladder a year ago?

No one can also convince me Steve stopped being popular after Billy beat him up because firstly, Tommy being his friend isn't an indicator that Billy is now popular (as stated above, Tommy was obviously less liked than Steve was), nor is doing 1 impressive thing at a party half the people will probably be too drunk to remember. He also wouldn't lose popularity from dropping basketball because 1) a bad concussion isn't bad enough to take someone completely out of a sport like basketball once it heals and basketball season wouldn't properly start until a full month or two after the events of S2, so he wouldn't quit because of that and despite what many, many fics try to do, Steve is would not quit to avoid Billy. He just wouldn't, it's so out of character that that's the reason I noped out of the fic I was reading.

This is also not even mentioning that everyone seems to think that if Billy is popular or king of the school, then Steve just HAS to be a friendless loser, which is such a blatant attempt to just dump trauma on Steve. I mean, if they want to make Steve lonely and friendless for the Tragic Backstory, at least have the reason make sense, like Steve pulling away after multiple counts of almost Dying because he just can't relate to kids his own age anymore.

Not to mention the fact that Steve is probably one of the least developed main characters and chances are the fact that we don't see or hear about Steve's other friends is because 1) less people they have to cast/take up screen time and 2) the Duffers just genuinely seem not to give a fuck about developing Steve or his backstory at all.

Anyway, sorry for dumping into your asks (I sincerely hope this is coherent), but this has been bugging me for months and I needed to get it off my chest.

oh yeah, that shit bugs me too. like, i don’t think steve had any super close friends other than nancy, but boy was still popular, he still knew people, he had a place to sit at lunch!!

and that’s actually interesting, about steve being well liked, but not tommy and carol. i’ve never really seen that kind of separation in fics, but it would be fun to have something about steve being the most popular of the group, and tommy and carol being the ones that drop popularity after the split.

steve being super sporty essentially means he always had people to hang out with lmao. and i do see steve obviously not playing basketball for a while, and no longer being captain, because i figure you have to play the game to be captain lol. i honestly don’t know much about sports tho, so i don’t know if you could just jump right in after not playing for a while, but yeah, steve wouldn’t just drop out because of billy. like, the other basketball guy called billy a douchebag. i think it’d be fun if in a fic, everyone turned against billy after the fight.

yeah, steve’s friends aren’t at all relevant to the plot, so we’re not going to see them. and i’ve said this before, but while s2 steve is lonely, he’s not alone. he has friends, he’s popular, but he’s increasingly not seeing any point towards the whole thing and essentially becoming disillusioned to the idea of being the king of hawkins high. but like you said, he’s not a friendless loser.

[painfullymeta]

Games and Gender

(Apparently I'm gonna occasionally be using the tumblr for the sort of thing I used to put in my political blog, back in the ancient days when I had a political blog.)

I am used to being the only presumed-woman in the game. (I wish I could remember Sunflower's acronym, something like people-socially-classed-as or something like that, but I can't. Or is that it? Maybe!)

It's actually not as true as it feels like; probably the majority of games I've been have had multiple women at the table. One of my current games (that started in the quarantimes) has one cis guy involved *at all*. (Also in that one when I proposed a trans character the GM made sure to have a Little Talk with me to be clear on whether I was doing so from an in-group or an out-group perspective.) Board game night was pretty gender equal (partly because sensible gamers marry other gamers, heh).

But my tabletop group that's been running on and off for... I'm not sure how long but it's over fifteen years because it settled *at* my house when I was pregnant? Men, and me. That high school game group where I started? Usually mostly boys, an adult man, and, again, me.

Raiding World of Warcraft? Either my housemate or I spoke up in Vent once, and a hush went over the chat, and someone said, in stunned, hushed tones, "There are _girls_ here."

Even back to childhood, there's the thing where my brother got the Nintendo, and I did not. (We did inherit an Atari from our cousins and that became my default console. Which is part of why when some crypto-gamergater tried to suggest to me that maybe there was a valid point and "girls" really don't play those sorts of games I went off on an enthusiastic ramble about Joust, which made him withdraw from the field, though he did not turn into an egg and/or fall in the lava.) My parents, I guess, didn't catch on that the thing I most wanted to do when over at certain friends' houses was 'play their computer games'. (They did give me basically the entire works of Infocom one year, though.)

I didn't particularly want games to be about gender. And I don't have any of the horror stories I hear about - the sexual harassment at the table, either of the player or of the character, for example. But it's not like the surrounding world gives a shit about what people want, in it, is there?

Because all sorts of things wind up being about it.

In my teens, I hit on the time-honored tradition of "work through some of your shit by building a tabletop roleplaying character around it", and I made a character in part around my desire to work through some feelings around my experiences of sexual violence. (As is often the case for this sort of thing, she'd been through worse than I had. As is also often the case for people in that situation, neither she nor I explained this bit of the backstory to anyone that I can recall.) And one of the other characters at the table, played by a boyfriend of the time, came on to her, and it went ... badly all around. And afterwards, he asked me, from his tone I guessed faintly offended, "Explain Hellcat."

I don't remember what I said. I do know that I was not at a point in my life where I could talk easily about having been assaulted. I do know that I was worried that if I brought up that this was part of her backstory, I would get asked uncomfortable questions like "Why would you include that in a character's story?" from someone who had had no reason to think about how that sort of thing is a part of many, many people's stories, and imaginary people are not actually an exception.

It was in her story because I was trying to work through what it meant that something similar was in mine.

(I note: this was literally years before a particular conversation with an assault survivor made me feel I had actual permission to be fucked up by my own event. I wasn't even there yet. I was just trying to process it. It was a game. I could explore ideas. In the long run, I could experiment with what it was like to figure out how to be loved after a traumatic event.)

I don't always build characters around particular experiences, though of course they all have a bit of me somewhere in them. But there are these niggling things like that conversation where I wind up just... aware. Not generally as blatantly as "Explain Hellcat." But.

And I mean, once the Warcraft guys got used to the idea of 'there are girls here' they weren't a problem. But they still had that moment of shock, of almost disbelief, that's one of the reasons I'd heard of people saying they never raided, or never spoke on the raid chat. At one point I was out on a male toon (I tended to roll up a male and female character for each species) and noticed that the conversation was about female gamers in the regional chat, and I felt like I was an infiltrator.

And of course I had a slowly increasing awareness of my own dysphoria, putting pieces together over time, and increasing irritation with the boundary-policing of gender and a whole bunch of other things that one might expect come out of having a hobby for a while (see also back in the ancient days when I had a political blog) of arguing with TERFs recreationally. Which is a whole different topic. But it comes around to a thing that's been annoying me for _years_, which is why I wrote [gestures upwards] all that right now.

There was a survey that came out after I started considering myself nonbinary. And it was asking for participants who were women in gaming hobbies. It was very, very clear on being trans-inclusive, by which I mean it said "this survey is open to anyone WHO IDENTIFIES AS A WOMAN".

Which I did not.

Did I have experiences that were likely relevant to "women in gaming hobbies"? Oh hell yeah. I've noted a few of 'em up above there.

Was I welcome to answer the survey? By the reading of the rules: nope. (Was I allistic enough to answer the survey despite it explicitly excluding me? Also nope.)

Which loops around to one of those transmasc experience things that I have also seen other people talking about: the need some people have to make the experience of gender clean-cut and clear in ways that it very much is not and cannot be.

I don't have the socially preferred "always known" narrative, and even if I had had it, there are places it wouldn't have fucking mattered. (Certainly not with an adolescence in an environment where I don't think I heard the word "lesbian", even, let alone got any information about the existence or possibility of trans people. Nobody was out at my school, about anything. And even if I'd known I'd have had no idea what to do with the knowledge.)

(And I *didn't know*. The puzzlepiece-shape of 'socially uncertain straight girl nerd' and the puzzlepiece-shape of 'autistic gay(?) transmasc/nonbinary nerd' are actually very similar puzzlepiece shapes and how the fuck am I supposed to tell the difference between "I don't understand this social thing" and "I don't understand this social thing (because it smacks of gender, specifically)" anyway? Certainly not at fourteen in the early 90s! I've been making "I was behind the door when they handed out the manual for that gendered expectation" cracks for TWENTY-FIVE YEARS. And I can date it that precisely because I started articulating any of this stuff when I was on usenet!)

Until I was, like, thirty, I was, as far as I *or anyone else* could perceive, an awkward straight girl/woman who could really have used learning words like "asexual" that didn't hit my social environment until notably later and who had a focused interest in queer-lens readings of Christian theology despite being neither queer nor Christian. That's the life experience I had. And there's eggy shit in there, sure, I noted some eggy shit *right in that sentence*. That doesn't change the nature of the internal experience and the external perception. Then it was a decade of increasing anxious exploration of gender and what I was, including an extended roleplay of a gay cis man (Kinsey 5, not 6, but) that grew out of some fanfic writing I was doing, which led to discovering that his skin was much more comfortable than mine to inhabit.

I still don't know what I am. I have anxiety about whether my transmasc nonbinary ass is male enough to be gay; whenever I'm doing an intake questionnaire or something that asks me about orientation I just sit and. Stare. For a bit. Because I don't feel entitled to claim 'gay', I haven't been there, my adolescence was not that, but I damn sure ain't straight either. (Anymore? I didn't have the internal experience of doubting it back when. The closest I got was noting an attraction to geek-as-gender masc people, as a geek-as-gender person; my wisecrack for years has been that I'm exclusively attracted to engineers and MIT students.) I appreciate it when these forms have an option for 'queer' because at least that doesn't ... require me to chop up my life until I can arrange the parts into something that has simple words and a simple, clear narrative that can elide my actual history.

And that's what people want, a lot of the time. If a trans man doesn't disavow his experience as a girl and a woman (whether or not he was aware of the disjoints there), he must not be "really" a man. If he tries to speak on his experiences with gendered nonsense or misogyny, he's speaking out of turn. He can either have credibility as himself *or* credibility as a person with a past, and because of that tension he can't _really_ have credibility as either, there's always that half-spoken "but—" that comes in.

If I speak as a woman about the gendered experiences I have had, I betray myself, and undermine any attempts to claim a space as not-a-woman.

If I speak as not-a-woman about those same experiences, then I am told I don't have standing. What I experienced wasn't _real_ whatever, because that only happens to women. (A lie, I will note, even when only said among the cis; I have met male rape victims, including at least one who was raped by a woman. I have met cis gay folks whose experiences with violence have absolutely had a context of feminization.)

The experiences still happened. I'm still here.

But no matter what I do, there's always an excuse to not hear me.

"This survey is open to anyone WHO IDENTIFIES AS A WOMAN."

(I am pretty sure they didn't mean to shut me and those like me out, but I am also pretty sure that to the extent they considered transmasc people existing at all, they assumed that we would be okay with playing at being women long enough to participate. Because the cultural assumption is that we're only playing at being men, after all, and womanhood is where we live, because there are consequences to it that are inescapable. No matter how much we want to gnaw it off like an animal stuck in a trap and carry on three-legged and free.)

Wherever my life goes from here, I don't know. Particularly not in the current moment. But I'm 100% sure that there will be people who are surprised by it, and they might even include people at my gaming tables.

But again back to that time-honored tradition of "work through some of your shit by building a tabletop roleplaying character around it"?

Both my tabletop characters at the moment are fairy-obsessed trans men; both of them have a history of asexuality that is partially linked to dysphoria (though Celyn is also just straight-up grey ace and genuinely baffled by his current feelings); both of them have a primary relationship with a man and are primarily oriented towards men. (Danny is both more gender-flexible and orientation-flexible, heh. Also species-flexible. And an exclusive monsterfucker....)

Anyone who's surprised by anything I do about this hasn't been paying attention. I kind of look forward to seeing what happens. Sometimes a guy's gotta be a gremlin.

[toongrrl-blog]

Not (Nawt!) Another Benvi Playlist

Awwwwww, say I wonder how this would play in 1963? 1973? 1983? 1993? 2003? Maybe telegrams with the earlier years, I dunno. Did they have internships back when my parents were kids? I know they had Model UN, I knew that from Mad Men and I don't know about Sally Draper's place on the social totem pole in school but she's cool so Model UN wasn't social suicide then again her county was really Republican and her stepdad didn't like real UN.......

Anyway with this tangent, listen to some good songs kids!

"Silhouttes (On the Shade)" The Rays (Herman's Hermits and Cliff Richard and The Ronettes did good covers, this needs to be covered, hey someone contemporary cover this song)

Rushed down to your house with wings

On my feet

Loved you like I never loved

You my sweet

Vowed that you and I would be

Two silhouettes on the shade

All of our days

Two silhouettes on the sha-ade

Silhouettes (silhouettes)

2. "You Really Got A Hold On Me" The Miracles (The Beatles also covered this song)

I don't like you, but I love you

Seems that I'm always thinking of you

Oh, oh, oh

You treat me badly, I love you madly

You've really got a hold on me (You've really got a hold on me)

3. "How Deep Is Your Love" Bee Gees

And you may not think I care for you

When you know down inside that I really do

And it's me you need to show

How deep is your love?

4. "He's Sure the Boy I Love" The Crystals

When he holds me tight

Everything's right

Crazy as it seems

I'm his, whatever he is

And I forget all of my dreams

5. "My Rose" Luca and Emma Castellino (suggested by @fishyyyyy99)

And maybe I didn't make myself clear

Or maybe you pretend, so you wouldn't hurt me (so you wouldn't hurt me)

It's probably better like this

But baby, you're pretty damn hard to forget

6. "Tomorrow is Another Day" Shelby Flint

Tomorrow is another day

How I hope you'll always stay

7. "Back to Heaven" Later.

'Cause if you don't atract my lady right

She's gonna send me back to life

You never know what's good or bad

8. "Unchained Melody" Todd Duncan, the Righteous Brothers, actually been covered several times

Woah, my love, my darling

I've hungered for your touch

A long, lonely time

And time goes by so slowly

And time can do so much

Are you still mine?

I need your love

9. "You've Made Me So Very Happy" Brenda Holloway (famously covered by Blood, Sweat, and Tears)

I love you so much you see

You're even in my dreams

I can hear

Baby, I can hear you calling me

I'm so in love with you

All I ever want to do is

Thank you baby

Thank you baby

10. "It Might As Well Rain Until September" Carole King (then covered by Bobby Vee)

The weather here has been as nice as it can be

Although it doesn't really matter much to me

For all the fun I'll have while you're so far away

It might as well rain until September

11. "Everything Has Changed" Best Coast

I used to crawl

All the way back home

I used to cry myself to sleep

Reading all the names they called me

Used to say that I was lazy

A lazy, crazy baby

Did they think

That maybe I was in on it?

Did they think?

No, of course they didn't

12. "The Way You Love Me" Faith Hill

There's nowhere else I'd rather be

Oooh, to feel the way I, feel with your arms around me

I only wish that you could see, the way you love me

The way you love me

13. "It's Your Love" Tim McGraw and Faith Hill

Oh, it's a beautiful thing

Don't think I can keep it all in (oh oh)

And if you ask me why I've changed

All I gotta do is say your sweet name

It's your love

It just does something to me

It sends a shock right through me

I can't get enough

And if you wonder

About the spell I'm under

Oh it's your love

(Woah oh baby)

(Oh, oh, oh)

14. "By My Side" INXS

In the dark of the night

Those small hours

Uncertain and anxious

I need to call you

Rooms full of strangers

Some call me friend

But I wish you were so close to me

15. "All I Have To Do Is Dream" The Everly Brothers

When I feel blue in the night

And I need you to hold me tight

Whenever I want you, all I have to do is

Dream

16. "Make It With You" Bread

Dreams, they're for those who sleep

Life is for us to keep

And if you're wondering what this all is leading to

I wanna make it with you

I really think that we could make it, girl

17. "Baby, I Need Your Loving" The Four Tops

Some say it's a sign of weakness for a man to beg

Then weak, I'd rather be

If it means having you to keep

'Cause lately I've been losing sleep

18. "Any Time At All" The Beatles

If the sun has faded away, I'll try to make it shine

There is nothing I won't do

When you need a shoulder to cry on, I hope it will be mine

Call me tonight and I'll come to you

19. "Only Love Can Break A Heart" Gene Pitney

Please let me hold you

And love you for always and always

Only love can break a heart

Only love can mend it again

20. "Don't Give Up On Us" David Soul

We're still worth one more try I know we put a last one by Just for a rainy evening When maybe stars are few Don't give up on us, I know We can still come through

21. "Where Does My Heart Beat Now" Celine Dion

Then one touch overcomes the silence Love still survives Two hearts needing one another Give me wings to fly

22. "Take Me With U" Prince and the Revolution

Come on and touch the place in me That's calling out your name We want each other, oh, so much Why must we play this game?

23. "This Girl Is A Woman Now" Gary Puckett & The Union Gap

This girl is a woman now She's learned how to give This girl is a woman now She's found out what it's all about And she's learning, learning to live

This girl tasted love As tender as the gentle dawn She cried a single tear A teardrop that was sweet and warm Our hearts told us we were right And on that sweet and velvet night A child had died A woman had been born

24. "Eres Tu" Carla Morrison

Quiero contemplarte sin contar el tiempo Dibujarte con mis puros recuerdos En mi mente marcar tus labios, tus besos Estás aquí dentro de mi mente

I want to contemplate you without counting the time that goes by To draw you with memories alone To mark your lips and your kisses in my mind To be here for another moment

25. "Help Is On The Way" Little River Band

Are you always in confusion Surrounded by illusion Sort it out You'll make out Seem to make a good beginning Someone else ends up winning Don't seem fair Don't you care

26. "Right Time of the Night" Jennifer Warnes

It's the right time of the night The stars are winking above It's the right time of the night For making love

27. "Human" The Human League

The tears I cry aren't tears of pain They're all to hide my guilt and shame I forgive you, now I ask the same of you While we were apart, I was human too

28. "I've Got You Under My Skin" Frank Sinatra (also covered by Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons)

I'd tried so, not to give in I said to myself this affair never will go so well But why should I try to resist when baby I know so well I've got you under my skin

29. "Just Fall In Love Again" Anne Murray

Magic, it must be magic The way I hold you when the night just seems to fly Easy for you to take me to a star Heaven is that moment when I look into your eyes.

30. "You Needed Me" Anne Murray

You held my hand when it was cold When I was lost, you took me home You gave me hope when I was at the end And turned my lies back into truth again You even called me "friend"

You gave me strength to stand alone again To face the world out on my own again You put me high upon a pedestal So high that I could almost see eternity You needed me, you needed me

31. "I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend" The Rubinoos

Picture in my mind, I see you and me I, I'm telling you what I wanna be You, you're saying you're in love with me And oh, it feels so good in a dream That I know in life it's just got to be I wanna tell you......

32. "Getcha Back" Beach Boys

I'm getting tired, layin' around here at night Thinking 'bout some other guy holdin' you tight He may have money and a brand new car May even treat you like a movie star And no matter what he ever do for you He can never love you like I can do So if I leave her and you leave him Can we ever get back again?

33. "Tear In My Heart" Twenty One Pilots

My heart is my armor She's the tear in my heart, she's a carver She's a butcher with a smile, cut me farther Than I've ever been

34. "Need You Now" Lady A

It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now And I said I wouldn't call, but I'm a little drunk and I need you now And I don't know how I can do without I just need you now

35. "Somebody to Love" Queen

(He works hard) everyday (Everyday) I try and I try and I try But everybody wants to put me down They say I'm going crazy They say I got a lot of water in my brain I got no common sense (He's got) I got nobody left to believe No, no, no, no

(Ooh, ooh, ooh, Lord) Ooh, somebody Ooh (Somebody) Anybody find me Somebody to love Can anybody find me Someone to love?

36. "They Don't Know" Tracey Ullman

There's no need for living in the past Now I've found good loving, gonna make it last I tell the others "don't bother me" Cause when they look at you They don't see what I see

No, I don't listen to their wasted lines Got my eyes wide open and I see the signs Cause they don't know 'bout us And they've never heard of love

37. "Linger" The Cranberries

And I'm in so deep You know I'm such a fool for you You got me wrapped around your finger Do you have to let it linger?

38. "Alone" Heart

You don't know how long I have wanted To touch your lips and hold you tight You don't know how long I have waited And I was going to tell you tonight

39. "Wherever You Will Go" The Calling

If a great wave shall fall And fall upon us all Well then I hope there's someone out there Who can bring me back to you

40. "Never Tear Us Apart" INXS

We could live For a thousand years But if I hurt you I'd make wine from your tears I told you That we could fly 'Cause we all have wings But some of us don't know why

I was standing You were there Two worlds collided And they could never ever tear us apart

41. "Tear In My Heart" Twenty-One Pilots

Songs on the radio are okay My taste in music is your face But it takes a song to come around To show you how

She's the tear in my heart I'm alive She's the tear in my heart I'm on fire She's the tear in my heart Take me higher Than I've ever been

[shamelessrabbithole]

Any thoughts on why Cam and Sophia Tatum unfollowed each other?

I was wondering when someone would write in about this. I was made aware of the mutual unfollowing a few days ago (I personally hadn't noticed) and have been trying to make heads or tails of it ever since. In addition to the mutual unfollows, she deleted the pic he'd taken of her and all but one of his previous likes are gone from her page.

As most things Cam and female-related, it's a mystery and will probably always remain that way. But, if you want 'em, here are my thoughts...

Usually by the time someone reaches Cam's age, major feuds with people mostly boil down to one of two issues: a business/money dispute or a romantic pairing gone wrong. It's possible that she and Cam had something going on between them (a friends-with-benefits thing) and it ended for some reason, abruptly and badly.

Not that it matters too much, but after Sophia posted the pics Cam took of her, fans began to suggest a romance in the comments. I doubt it, but it may have contributed to her taking the pics down.

Another thought I had, and again, this is just me going off not much more than speculation, is that she'd wanted or had been promised to be, a part of Foxbody, but was passed over in casting. I say this because I did some digging into Sophia's social media and found that she owns a vintage Mustang, much like the one in Cam's movie. She's very proud of it and often photographs herself in the desert driving or posing with it. She also follows vintage Mustang instagram accounts.

In addition to that, she sort of embodies the aesthetic vibes of the character Kelli Berglund is playing. Cam cast and hired several of his friends, including people who attend the Marjorie Ballentine school, which is where he likely met Sophia because they have a ton of mutuals in common from there.

As far as I know they unfollowed each other shortly after the German con, which was also not long after he posted stills of the film on the Foxbody instagram page. Again, it's a leap and I fully attest to that, but I tried to envision myself in their friendship or situationship to figure out what could've happened, and timing-wise, this is what felt most plausible to me.

[p3chris]

The Tribute to Murdoch Swan that No One asked for

*some rather vague references to the latest manga chapters, but otherwise no spoilers*

If anyone needs a reminder as to who Murdoch Swan is, he is the interviewer who somehow manages to look more haggard than the two gentlemen beside him who are, respectively, 12 and 19 years older. In the one chapter or 20 minutes (or 15?) he appears, he repeatedly insults Yor and makes Anya cry. That, and he also enrages Twilight to the point of physical violence, and would have been quite dead if not for the noble sacrifice of a hardwood coffee table and a mosquito. To put simply, he is a nasty scumbag.

However, despite his brief appearance, he gets a relatively well-fleshed out backstory and is an effective plot device that 1) sheds light on the social setting in both Eden and Ostanian society and, 2) advances the plot by setting several important character and relationship developments in motion.

We infer from Twilight's thoughts and Swan's own words that Swan's charmed life (wife, child, prestigious career in Eden that was smoothly paved by nepotism) had recently hit a rough patch when his wife, presumably sick of his behaviour, divorced him and he was denied custody of their child.

Rather than humbly reflect on the interpersonal missteps that led to such a resolution or reminisce about happier family times, Swan instead entitles himself to a self-appointed mission to prod and provoke the uglier sides of people to shatter their happy family image and prove they are as miserable as he is.

Thing is, despite his pettiness, he is actually quite smart with how he goes about it. He knows his father still has great influence over the academy despite no longer being in active service, and that gives him power over both his fellow interviewers and his interviewees. His questions and taunting are chosen with precision. He knows what to ask and say to create tension between people and to attack their weak points. His interviewees can only either defend themselves on the spot and appear rude or disharmonious, or suck it up during the interview and resent one another after that. Of course, he only does this to the families who don't have the political or social clout to threaten him.

That Eden has him in the faculty already raises a red flag about the culture and environment in Eden. The irony of Swan being an assessor of candidates for Eden's hoity-toity standards is that he is himself a poor role model. A later chapter reveals that there are many badly behaved students from his Kline Hall. We also see that it is not just Swan who lacks regard for the children he is tasked to educate; we see that some of Anya's teachers are neither wise nor enlightened. In the latest hostage situation, we also see that Eden’s priorities are incredibly messed up. Eden is, first and foremost, about connections, prestige and networking rather than education.

Twilight hit the nail on the head when he called Eden a school that made light of children's feelings and told Anya she would probably not want to go to this school anyway. Too bad it's his mission.

Swan’s behaviour also overtly reflects the attitude of Ostanian society, namely in the way it treats women. His chauvinism is obvious, but not isolated - it is implicit in the way Walter Evans directs the cooking question to Yor, in the way Henderson credits Loid Forger for the elegance the entire family exhibits, in the way that Swan directs all his attacks at Anya and especially Yor rather than at Loid (and I highly doubt it was entirely because Loid appeared flawless).

In earlier and subsequent chapters, we see more gender inequality in Ostania at work: how positions of higher prestige and leadership are mostly, if not entirely, occupied by men, how women are socially expected to aspire to conventional marriage by a certain age and how older unmarried women are viewed upon with suspicion. To me, I also see a little of it in the way Yor is quick to put herself down and how she chooses to elevate Yuri academically instead of investing in herself in any manner.

The way I see it, despite Twilight initially hoping not to offend Swan, the Forgers were already in trouble with him: the more Swan perceived Loid and Yor as a loving couple and the Forgers a perfect happy family, the more he wanted to tear them apart.

But it was his nastiness that strengthened the Forger family and moved the plot along, because in the course of his appearance, he managed to:

a) Trigger Anya’s protectiveness over her parents and strengthen her resolve to go to school for Operation Strix

b) Trigger Twilight’s protectiveness over Yor and Anya. Feeling awful over how the abuse they suffered is the least he (Twilight) could do because it would have been real scummy of him to remain unmoved at the unfair treatment of the two innocent civilians (or so he thinks) he got involved with his mission. The interview also showcases Twilight's liberal views (yes, it was most certainly Twilight, not Loid, who attended this interview) - that he does not believe in traditional gender roles and is accepting of individual strengths and weaknesses, that children deserve consideration and respect, and that wellbeing is not physical but mental and emotional as well.

c) Indirectly reawaken Henderson’s pride over his calling as an educator, leading to his impulsive punch and quite importantly, resulting in him becoming Anya's homeroom teacher (given the lack of investment from her other teachers, this is likely a very good thing.)

d) Trigger Yor’s protectiveness and motherly instincts towards Anya and made Anya cherish having a mother.

To me, the impact of this is a very big one. After all, Chapter 1 is about the start of Twilight and Anya's relationship. Chapter 2 is about the start of Twilight and Yor's relationship. Chapter 3 is about the Forgers finding a bit of their footing together. Even up to Chapter 5, Yor at times still appears uncertain around Anya.

In Chapter 7, Yor is motivated to try to be a better mother to Anya, and Anya sees her mother’s vulnerable side. From this point onwards, Yor and Anya's mother-daughter relationship takes off and they are subsequently seen spending a lot of time together. We also see that Anya might love Papa more, but she never doubts Mama's love.

e) Indirectly cause the events in Chapter 7, which leads to many significant events and long-lasting developments in SxF:

i) Yor and Anya's combat training.

ii) Anya punching Damian on Orientation Day. Henderson, as homeroom teacher, reduces three Tonitrus bolts to one at his discretion.

iii) Becky becoming Anya's best friend.

iv) Damian subsequently developing a crush on Anya.

v) Yor's cooking endeavours

See how important this scum is to the story?

[twilightknight17]

Last night on P3R: mostly Tartarus, HOW DARE YOU?, and once again a lack of aggressive dialogue options.

I got my shit wrecked in Tartarus, between multiple gatekeepers in a row, and the Monad passage Elizabeth wanted me to explore. The shadow tactics are getting better, and it’s fun having to work around them.

Throwing a Cowardly Maya at me that immediately starts off with Concentrate+Megidolaon is a little much, though.

I got through eventually, though, and got some great rewards!

Hehehe

HEHEHEHEHE

(I’m sorry, I think these outfits are great. XDDDD)

...I’m sorry, what is the CATHEDRAL OF TIME? Can I have a slightly bigger fragment??? Please??? Oh man.

Anyway, summer break is kind of off to a disappointing start, because like… it’s been 2 weeks, and I haven’t gotten to work on any of my links or anything. Yakushima was great, but now I’m at extra track training for this competition that’s coming up.

I mean I guess I’d be happier if there was something more to it than just showing the same scene of us running laps every day for six days or whatever. Or if there was a choice whether to attend or not. But no, I’m just locked into advancing none of my social links except Tanaka.

Every time I talk to this man I want to push him in the fountain. Also, he keeps asking if I remember my promise and haven’t told anyone. Sir, tbh, I don’t even remember what you don’t want me to tell people.

The Dark Hour has begun, and I’m happy to see Pharos again, because obviously, I love hi-- oh. Wait, no, this is Fuuka, calling me to the command room. Never a good sign.

SEES throws on their uniforms and sprints upstairs, and we’ve got a problem!

Hm. A normal shadow? Akihiko’s probably got it, but yeah, weird that this one left Tartarus…

And then Akihiko calls, and we’re off, because the shadow is defeated, Akihiko is fine, but someone is very badly hurt.

HOW DARE YOU HURT KOROMARU?

I knew he was coming to our dorm eventually but I didn’t realize it was because he was hurt that badly!! Literally everyone is upset about this turn of events, Aigis can speak Dog, and we’re using Mitsuru’s influence in the best way possible.

(We couldn’t even cast dia to stabilize him, though??)

The next evening, Mitsuru informs everyone that Koromaru is gonna pull through just fine, and Pharos stops by to give his weekly warning.

Guys, I have a track meet the day after tomorrow, please stop waking me up at midnight. T_T

………no.

You shouldn’t even be drinking coffee, you’re like 10.

So now I’m off to my track meet, and did really good! I kind of wish it had been a longer scene, or a minigame, or something? I dunno. But the wunderkind runner from the other school came to talk to me after, and wants to be friends?

I guess? Is this a new social link? Hm. I guess we’ll see, since I’m free again, but first I’m gonna go rank-up with Maiko.

Maiko is ready to run away from home. She tells me goodbye and not to tell her parents where she went, and then heads off. And after a blip of a time jump, here come her parents! They have no idea why she would have done this! She’s never acted like this before!

Man I really wanted to pick that second one.

And the dad recognizes me. Apparently she’s mentioned that she plays with “Arisato-kun”, a high-schooler, at the playground. Maiko’s mom is appalled, because she didn’t know anything about that. I’m not surprised; do you ask anything about your daughter’s day?

They literally start bickering to the point where it isn’t dialogue boxes, it’s just audio, like background noise. But eventually the dad remembers I’m there and cuts off the mom.

Sir, you’re the ones arguing instead of looking for your kid. You’re lucky I even want to help, after what you did to her!

They ask if I have any ideas where she might be, and I suggest the takoyaki stand. We all go running off, and Maiko is in fact there. She starts crying almost immediately, and is finally able to tell them why she’s so upset.

And her parents actually apologize! They promise to go home and actually talk to her! I’m skeptical because, again, he HIT her, but I’m gonna have to give them the benefit of the doubt, I guess. :/

Two more people have gone missing in Tartarus, and the full moon is in two days, so we’re gonna have to go in and get them. So that’s up next!

[staringdownabarrel]

I feel like an aspect of online friends that doesn't really get discussed that often is just how often they can go badly pear shaped.

I get why they aren't discussed very often. There was a point in time not so long ago where a lot of people, especially Gen Xers and Baby Boomers in my experience, would clutch their pearls and assume any and all strangers were serial killers or rapists. Especially around the time people of my generation were in high school, it was kinda hard to discuss how badly wrong some online friendships can go without playing into these often extremely exaggerated Boomer stereotypes.

The thing is that I feel like as Millennials have gotten older now, there should be room to discuss this without it instantly being seen as an "old man shouts at cloud" moment. Most people who've spent a lot of time online and have had any sizeable number of online friends have also probably had a few they've fallen out with and had negative experiences with.

Let me give you an example. Shortly after I finished high school, I fell out with one of my then-online friends. This person didn't take it well, partially because she didn't really have many friends to begin with and partially because she genuinely lacked social skills. Her response was basically to sign up for a bunch of social media accounts and email addresses and beg me for years to be her friend again. I was blocking her a few times a week for five or six years before she got the message and left me alone.

Given that, and given some of the things she said to me in those messages, I strongly suspect she probably would have stalked me in real life if we'd lived in the same country. I know that probably seems like an overly dramatic response, especially from the outside looking in, but also, I'd be shocked if I was the only person who'd ever had an experience like that.

Stuff like this might not happen often--and, in my experience, it really has been a one-off thing. Most of the other people I've spoken to online have been great people and I hope they're doing well, even if I haven't spoken to them in a decade or longer. But still, I do wish it was more socially acceptable to talk about experiences like that without being seen as either clutching at pearls or making mountains out of molehills.

Because, you know, there really are creeps out there, and I sorta worry that younger people might not be as aware of it because of how normalised online interactions are now. At least, not as aware of how normal some creeps can seem at first, anyway. Because, at least with some of the negative experiences I've had online, there were signs I can recognise in retrospect that really weren't obvious to me at the time.

But anyway, it's just a thought.

[vxvidlandmine]

I have been having a weird couple of days.

I passed both of the exams of this semester, which leaves me with a whole month to catch up with stuff I already studied.

In the middle of December I decided to connect more with people I know. I have been going out with a friend of mine in the last few weeks. Every two or three days we went for walks since we live close to some wheat fields. We also went to the supermarket twice and it was the most fun I have had in a while. I knew she was a fun person to be around but after coming home I have found myself wanting to go out more and more every time. Now that the new semester hasn't started yet, I want to spend a lot of time with her, which is problem.

I have a weird love-hate relationship with this girl. We have known each other since we were children, but we got somewhat close at 13-14. I fell for her really hard. She was cute and gave me attention, and I was lonely. Every evening we would hop on Skype and just talk until one of us was too tired to stay awake. In high we were in the same class, and whenever I was too exhausted to listen to the teacher I'd just lie down and I'd gaze at her figure for wayy too long. A couple of times she caught me and the reaction she had made me realize that a) that might have been creepy b) she probably wasn't into me in a romantic way.

But I decided to ignore it, and study the situation just like a regular weirdo would do. I started noticing all these little cues that in retrospect are really easy to catch, but not so much when you desperately want your crush to like you back. I was just a friend to her, a close one, the one you go to when you want to share an embarassing story and laugh about it. If no one was around, we'd talk there was no problem. The moment someone else appeared, she'd just brush me off.

I noticed how she looked at other people, guys she'd have flings with in my class, and how she looked at me. With me, her eyes were serious and seemed darker than they actually were. One time I happened to glance at her right after someone told a joke. It was like her pupils were replaced by stars, and her smile was genuine. I was really sad that day, and slowly I started losing interest. Nothing much changed immediately in how I felt, but she noticed I was nervous around her and started being much less kind. It got to the point where if I looked at her for more than was socially acceptable, she'd get visibly angry and would start shouting "Stop looking at me!" and giggle like an evil witch. In my defense, I was really stupid.

We slowly stopped talking everyday, and we would go out together with our group of friends much and much less over time.

At 16 I was over her, she treated me badly and I didn't even got to confess my feelings for her. After seeing how shallow and insensitive she could get I lost every bit of "love" or infatuation left.

After high school, we went to study in the same city. With no one else from our hometown but us, we reconnected a bit. She changed, I changed, and now we get along better than we used to.

Or so I think. I'm not an idiot, I'd never make the same mistake twice. I don't have a crush on her. Yet despite all of this, I find myself wanting to spend more and more time with her. Last time we met she told me of a serious problem she's been dealing with. When I went home, in-between study sessions (and after I was done) I started coming up with way to help her. What she told me "hits close to home" as I dealt with something similar in the past, maybe that's why I'm so hung on it but again, why am i fixating on in? Why do I want to help her? She's my friend of course, and I like helping people.

Anyway. A few closing remarks.

We could hove gone out today but she said she didn't have enough time to get everything done. Another friend of mine hit me up and asked me something exams-related. Another friend of mine texted me out of the blue, although I planned on texting him after exam session ended. Yet after 5pm a void started materializing inside me and I got nothing else done. This is why I'm writing right now, I need to get this off my chest. Maybe it's because I'm turning 21 soon and whenever my birthday arrives I always realize how much I have missed on and how many more things I'll miss because im a lonely idiot.

I'll probably make another wall of texts with all the thoughts related to my birthday.

Bye bye surrogate of intimacy.