#she accused me of speaking over poc voices when she was doing the very same + erasing mine

[queerdiazs]

a week and a half into the hiatus and one of the biggest 911 accounts on twitter who harassed me for weeks over liking tommy is now being dragged through the dirt because SHE likes tommy 🤭 the silver springs of it all

[my-darling-boy]

Genuinely asking, isn't self-diagnose with a condition kind of dangerous? Because legitimizing self-diagnosing opens a door to many malicious people who would want to exploit the fact they can self-diagnose? And in turn, make the space of autistic people worse?

Was going to skip this, but I’m writing a LONG response because I’m VERY exhausted with the amount of misinformation I see on this “self dx is dangerous” take, so buckle up and allow me to info dump.

Recently, authentic_autism_advocacy, an Instagram account run by a supposed medically diagnosed autistic woman was discovered to be a non-autistic woman, Connie Manning, posing as a medically diagnosed autistic person to spread hate and anti-self diagnosing speech. In reality, she is a neurotypical mother who regularly uses her autistic son for clout; she also turned out to have a hand behind CalmWear, a brand of sensory compression products designed for disabled people. Not only had she been spewing hatred towards other autistic people, she had been accusing well known AFAB autistic tiktokers like beckspectrum of faking being autistic and threatening self diagnosed autistics and saying they are a danger to the community, and engaging in other incredibly discriminating behaviour. Yes, she herself was a neurotypical person posing as a medically diagnosed autistic to perpetuate hateful rhetoric about self diagnosed people and used her voice to speak OVER autistic folk for financial gain and exploitation of autistic people, including her own son. If you want to read this roller coaster of a story, an autistic person wrote an entire article on it with tons of screenshots and sources.

So let me make one thing clear to you.

The purpose of actually, genuinely self diagnosing is not done to attract attention or to parade around and exploit other autistic people. Self diagnosed autistic individuals have recognised due to difficult life circumstances, financial hardship, bigotry and stigma within the medical/legal world, being a minor, lack of insurance, lack of proper access to safe care facilities, being denied assessment due to incompetent or biased practitioners, and/or any other obstacle that they may temporarily or permanently be barred from diagnosis. Self diagnosis does NOT instantly mean a person is posing for clout, nor does it indicate a person is trying to wring money from assistance services or exploit other autistics. And nts who use self diagnose with intentions of harming the community? That’s NOT self diagnosis, that’s abuse of something meant to aid people blocked from medical care or financial means to that care. All we can do for autistic people, no matter who we perceive them to be, is treat them the same way we would any other autistic person. Because the moment you start deciding by your own book who deserves respect and who doesn’t, you’ll be on a slippery slope to locking out thousands of autistic people from the community. If it’s discovered a person like Connie is literally abusing the system of self dx to intentionally mislead the community, by all means, we must hold them accountable. But you cannot simply go about granting and revoking access from people just because someone lacks a diagnosis or doesn’t fit your idea of what being autistic looks like, especially if it’s based on stereotypes.

Moral of the story? Isn’t it ironic how anti-self dx people will 100% believe a user who claims to be medically diagnosed but shows no “written proof” of it, yet always demand written proof from a self dx person? It’s almost like even anti-self dx people can’t tell the difference between someone who is medically diagnosed autistic and someone who isn’t. Well, that’s because they can’t. While there might be common traits, autism has no set model, it is a spectrum, no autistic person is alike; Policing self diagnosed people about their self diagnosis isn’t a form of protecting the community. It’s a form of gatekeeping. If you find yourself granting instant acceptance, without asking for proof, to a person insisting they are medically diagnosed like this neurotyical mother, but then prohibit self dx people from entry entirely on the grounds of not showing proof of medical assessment, you are upholding a double standard. This is why policing autistic people’s diagnosis, self or not, is inherently useless.

So here’s the thing... instead of asking people to stop self diagnosing, what you should instead be asking yourself is, “Why do people self diagnose? What kind of medical system could possibly be in place where people feel they need to resort to self diagnosis rather than get an actual diagnosis?”

Well, it’s mainly common knowledge among most of the autistic community that diagnosis is NOT easy to come by.

One of the main reasons why people cannot get a diagnosis is due to financial/insurance reasons. It’s reasonable to estimate that by the end of 2020 almost 30 million Americans alone were without health insurance. I’ve heard costs out of pocket for an autism diagnosis are between $500-$6000. If a person or a family cannot afford health insurance—which by the way on average is around $5,400 a year for a single person and $13,800 for a family here—where are they supposed to pull out $6,000 to get screened?

You might be asking, “Well aren’t insurances supposed to cover disability?” Sure, there are options for disability care through health insurance—not even going to get into that—but like a lot of things in the US, this is a severely flawed system. A lot of private health insurance will stop or limit coverage for an autism diagnosis or assistance services once a person reaches 18 to 21 years old. In most states, coverage has a higher chance of being denied to autistic adults coming with the added age cap or ONLY covering ABA, an abusive, manipulative “therapy” used to force social compliance and trait suppression on autistic people. The fact that ABA, a conversion therapy, is covered, but little else, shows exactly what insurance companies think of autistic people: they’ll only cover us if we want to learn to be “normal”. This can leave many undiagnosed autistic adults who cannot afford analysis, insurance, or safe assistance services with nowhere to turn. If I was not on my parents’ insurance, there is NO WAY I would EVER be able to afford a diagnosis. I don’t have $2,000 lying around. The MONEY ALONE would prohibit me from getting a diagnosis, no matter how many autistic traits I presented.

When I was going through this system years ago to start a diagnosis, I was shocked to find no therapist within three hours of me was accepting adult patients. “Up to 18 only” their websites would say. And in the event I had found one (1) that accepted me as a then 20 year old with X insurance, and that person refused me diagnosis, I would be out of options unless I planned a 5 hour drive which may have also led me to another biased screener. A person seeking self financed assessment can waste thousands of dollars therapist hopping.

People will say, “Well I live in X place, and where I come from, it’s covered!” Well the reality is that everyone in the world does not live where you live. It’s not realistic to assume everyone is in the same position as you or your family to afford care or access the same resources as you. When you say, “Just go out and get a diagnosis! It’s not that hard!���, understand you are speaking from your personal vantage point where screening may be easily accessed or easily covered/is free OR you have no personal knowledge of what that process is like yourself.

The second thing that bars a ton of people from being diagnosed is the fact that when autism was first discovered, its research was HEAVILY centered on white, cis, heterosexual men. The idea that autistic people are ONLY cis, white, heterosexual men carries on to this day. If you are an outlier to this stereotype, your chances of being misdiagnosed with something else or refused diagnosis skyrocket because so-called “professionals” don’t know how to observe traits in any other person besides a cis, white, heterosexual man, and refuse/fail to recognise the endless ways in which a person can be autistic. ALL the time I hear how AFAB people will go in to get screened only to find out their screener does not believe AFAB people can be autistic, because yes, sexism and anti-lgbtq+ ideas play a huge role in the incredibly outdated diagnostic process, because autism is still believed to be an “AMAB only” thing. People report going into a therapists office and being asked questions like, “Do you like going outside? Do you like having friends?” and being told that if you agree with either of these, you cannot be autistic because criteria at some places is so backwards, you can���t even say you enjoy conversation without failing the test. Other things commonly heard during the analysis are screeners telling someone they are too smart/articulate to be autistic, gas lighting them by saying they are mistaking their symptoms for something else/making them up, telling a person they seem normal, dismissing clear autistic traits by saying they’re unique “superpowers”, or intentionally misdiagnosing a person as ADHD INSTEAD of autistic. People on social media have also pointed out what influences racism has on the diagnostic process as well and how lack of research and understanding of autistic POC contributes to under-diagnosis and stigma has only contributed to refusal of care and under-representation of POC in the disabled community, as one autistic Black woman points out on Instagram, “I found excellent articles that support and validate my feelings and experiences, but I could find no research on autistic Black people.” Additionally, because research has primarily been done on young men, this means anyone who is not a cis man and is over the age of 18 and is seeking a diagnosis has a much higher chance of not receiving one because screeners don’t understand how autistic traits may present differently in adults, especially since adults are very likely to mask. Some autism screeners are so against autism they have told clients they would only diagnosis a person autistic if it was their last resort to avoid “placing a burden on their shoulders”. These reasons are largely responsible for why autism is incredibly mis/under-diagnosed. This ask would be the length of a novel if I included every single type of discrimination and mistreatment during the evaluation process alone, but understand it can be incredibly biased, sexist, transphobic, racist, or just flat out ableist. And guess what? Though this process can take as little as a month to get sorted, that is rare. The assessment SHOULD be very short. But a lot of autistic people have reported their diagnosis took more than 2-4 years because of having to waste time, energy, and money hopping from therapist to therapist looking for someone to take them seriously, as many autistic people compiled on the actuallyautistictiktoks page on Instagram point out.

The last thing I want to touch on is this idea that people have that self diagnosing is dangerous. “What if someone self diagnoses and they take advantage of services that are meant for autistic people?” ...The Big Things you think I am going to take advantage of as a self diagnosed autistic person, like scholarship money for instance or SSDI, I do not have legal access to without a formal diagnosis. I cannot waltz into a law firm and ask for a $5,000 scholarship for autistic people without a diagnosis, because they WILL NOT give it to me!

Let me tell you some of things I’ve “cruelly taken advantage of” as a self diagnosed autistic person. I bought glasses with blue light protection, because screen and fluorescent lighting at work and even natural blue toned light from the sky lowers my threshold for some sensory input like noise and social interaction; wearing them to work everyday has improved my sensory thresholds incredibly. I’ve talked to my manager and told him I’m autistic and that I have a hard time understanding vague direction and may need to step away briefly on occasion to tend to a shutdown before a meltdown comes on at work; he had no problem with this. I use subtitles; sometimes I have trouble processing audio or reading facial expressions and tone, and being able to see the words displayed on the screen gives me a significantly better understanding of what I watch. All my life, I have been having meltdowns which I had mistaken for mental breakdowns or panic attacks and having access to resources that walked me through preventative methods and tips on what to do if I have one has been ENORMOUSLY helpful to me. All my life, I was trying to deal with them thinking they were something else; becoming aware of this and accepting that they are in fact autistic meltdowns has helped me not only go through them, but has helped me redirect stims which at their worst previously had me hitting and clawing my arms, slapping my face, and even hitting my head. I don’t know about you, but I don’t want to wait 4 years for a diagnosis to use resources I could be using to make my life more accessible right now!

People will say, “Oh well yeah, I don’t mean You are one of Those Types of self diagnosed autistic people, you clearly sound/look autistic, I’m talking about other people.” The thing is, there is no broad “sounding/looking autistic”, that’s stereotyping, and you can’t demand everyone who interacts with you show you their Autistic Card, because again, not everyone is able to be diagnosed, especially given the mistreatment and stigma present towards autistic people in the medical field! And what made you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “don’t seem autistic” to you? Why didn’t you ask for their diagnosis? Because they “seemed autistic” to you? By denying anyone who doesn’t have a diagnosis resources they may very well need, you are denying assistance to thousands of people who are without means to be diagnosed. And I am SO tired of seeing comments online on self diagnosis posts that “people don’t know what they’re taking about” as if they know us personally, like are you me? Are you my doctor I’ve consulted? Did you watch me academically research and consult with other autistic people about being autistic for over 3 years? I’m tired of “well, one time a self diagnosed person laughed at my actually autistic diagnosed friend...so all self dx people are evil” because there is ZERO correlation between a person being self assessed and their behavior towards a non self assessed person. The fact both those arguments are in use whenever self dx comes up is yet another form of gatekeeping.

Self diagnosing autism is not begging for attention or Evil Criminal Money Funneling Schemes. It is a result of a deeply flawed medical and insurance system that has failed to give proper attention and care to those who need it, it is a result of resources not made available, of safe support systems not there for kids and adults alike. You want to talk about what’s truly dangerous? How the hate group Autism Speaks has been parading itself around since 2005 as an advocacy group for autistic people and has been misusing millions of dollars worth of donation money and promoting stigma and hatred around autistic people; no autistic members are present on their board. How Sia and her new film Music was nominated for 2 Golden Globes despite it replacing the original autistic actor with a neurotypical actor, using offensive stereotypes, and using the main autistic character as a prop, and featured an extremely dangerous bodily restraint scene on an autistic person having a meltdown in public and featured very insensitive content due to Sia’s lack of consulting with autistic people to make the film (spoilers in that article).

Instead of policing autistic people, whether they fit your idea of what an autistic person is or not, redirect your efforts and your energy to dismantling systems and holding others accountable for perpetuating harmful stereotypes about autistic people that are legitimately dangerous on such a scale that they have created insurmountable damage to the autistic community. But I guarantee you, worrying over whether your classmate is “faking it” will not do any justice to the decades worth of discrimination autistic people face still today.

I understand. You care about the community, you don’t want autistic people to be exploited or taken advantage of. I don’t want to be exploited and taken advantage of as an autistic person, and I don’t want that for others! But I also understand that when we self proclaim ourselves as judges of random autistic strangers on the internet or start accusing people of faking or demanding to see medical paperwork from people when the basis of our suspicions is “this person doesn’t look like my stereotyped view on how I think an autistic person should act”, THAT is when you really run into trouble. Because if you are allowed to deny self dx people entrance into the autistic community, what’s stopping you from thinking you have the power to deny ANYONE entrance into that community?

And there is power in self diagnosis for many autistic people. When the evaluation system is literally rigged to set you up for failure and put you through unnecessary hardship, self dx is a self affirming, empowering tool to take back control from a process designed to gaslight and crush you. The evaluation process was NOT formulated by an autistic person, nor was it made to be inclusive of all autistic people. Until the evaluation system in place for autistic people is safe, accessible, and free to ALL, you have EVERY right to self diagnose.

[jaskicr]

let’s talk about fandom racism

i have seen so many people say that they don’t like yennefer, or they don’t vibe with her, or she isn’t compelling, or she is irrelevant to their fics/art/creations...

yes. everyone is allowed to like and dislike characters. everyone is allowed to have their preferences. and i’m not disputing that. but when people brush yennefer off, justifying it some of the reasons above or other reasons they come up with, i question whether there’s something rather dodgy behind this, especially when those very same people really, really stan white male characters (geralt, jaskier, the wolves etc)

some people are going to come at me, ‘why are you making everything about race??!??’ or accuse me of calling them racist, when they aren’t racist, how dare i say stuff like that. but it’s interesting, isn’t it? the way fans justify their dislike or their dismissal of female characters of colour with excuses like they’re not ‘compelling’ or they’re ‘problematic’ - when their fave white dudes are arguably just as bland and problematic, but those fans continue stanning their faves anyway.

it’s important, i think, for many fans to take a step back and evaluate their preferences. ‘fandom is for fun,’ you might say. ‘why do i need a reason to like a certain character? can’t i just like them because i do!’

you can! what i want people to evaluate, though, is how their preferences have been shaped by unconscious bias. unconscious bias is created as people grow up, shaped by people around them, shaped by the structure of society - and in society, white-dominated ones in particular, racism is embedded deep within, and it influences the way many people perceive and treat media, the way they interact within fandoms.

that is what i want people to examine and evaluate. you might reject it - because no one wants to be told that they’re racist, that they have unconscious prejudices that they don’t even notice. everyone wants to think that they’re open-minded, that they’re inclusive, that they are completely accepting of every minority group ever - when in fact, the way they’ve been brought up, the way society has influenced them, has created biases within them that shapes their preferences and perception.

i’m not saying people are being intentionally malicious and sidelining characters of colour like yennefer on purpose. i’m saying that there are unconscious prejudices that influence their views in a way that they likely aren’t aware of, leading to them dismissing characters of colour, or demonising them, or magnifying the flaws that a character of colour has while excusing a white character (usually a white man) for similar flaws. 

this can very clearly be seen in how so many fandoms have white male characters as the most popular amongst fans, with many white mlm ships being the centre of those fandoms. meanwhile, people of colour, whether or not they have a compelling or interesting story arc, are relegated to the side, either ignored or used as a facilitator to help the two white men get together, or acting as a side character who has no life outside their connection to the white man.

sound familiar, fandoms?

i’m not telling you that you have to like characters of colour. i’m not saying that if you don’t like yennefer, you’re racist. i can’t make you like them, and it would be wrong of me to make you. but i am imploring that you examine and evaluate your preferences, and see if you have any unconscious prejudices and biases that you might not have noticed before, and become aware of them and how your prejudices might affect the way you treat others, the way you engage with fandom content.

then maybe - maybe, poc like me won’t feel so unwelcome in fandom. we all recognise that representation is important, and the fact that characters of colour are so often pushed aside in fandom tells us that you want to push people like us aside. it tells us that, because of your internal biases, you prefer white men over us, and for me? it makes me feel unwelcome, sometimes, the way i see characters like yennefer and triss and fringilla ignored or dismissed in favour of geralt and jaskier and the wolves.

and i get that people have preferences! i too enjoy writing and reading about geralt and jaskier. but sometimes i bring up yennefer or triss or fringilla and i simply get talked over - this really doesn’t make me feel welcome, and though i can’t speak for every poc in this fandom, i can imagine that at least a few of us feel the same way. 

geraskier is still one of my favourite ships, but i’ve noticed that i tend to gravitate towards white mlm ships, and i wonder - what does that say about me and my internalised prejudices? what can i do to improve and evaluate myself?

not liking yennefer or other characters of colour doesn’t automatically make you racist. you don’t have to like them in order to not be racist. i’m merely asking that you be conscientious of your preferences, and be mindful of how you engage with fandom especially regarding characters of colour. 

consider whether you hold characters of colour to a different standard than a white character - if a character of colour were white, would you dismiss them in the same way? would you demonise them for their flaws? 

consider how you write and interpret characters of colour. do you fall into harmful stereotypes? do you use characters of colour to uplift white characters, and do characters of colour only have significance in relation to white characters?

consider how you treat fans of colour. do you listen to us when we express our concerns, or do you talk over us and try to speak for us, rather than amplifying our voices? consider your white privilege, because there are parts of fandom that impact on real life. 

there is so much more i want to talk about, so much more i could talk about in this post (going into women of colour specifically), but the post would become far, far too long, and i’ve answered quite a few asks regarding this issue, so do check them out if you’re interested in knowing more about my take on different issues regarding fandom racism. 

(and here’s an ask where i link several posts about fandom racism in the witcher fandom, and in fandom in general)

feel free to send me asks or dm me about this! this is just my take on things and i’m speaking from my limited experience, so i might not be the best equipped to talk about this. i’m open to discussion, i’m still learning and developing my views on this, so please do talk to me if you find an issue with what i’m talking about or want clarification on anything<3

[tazwren]

My two cents on the devolution of fandom spaces...

As a former mod of a fandom space and a woman of colour, I do not feel safe.

Seeing what has been done to so many in this fandom, by a particular group of white American women, in the name of moral policing is both abhorrent and demoralising. As it also is to repeatedly see the same narrative being shoved at everyone as the gospel truth.

A narrative that very conveniently either becomes about fic or has nothing to do with fic, depending on how people want to swing things. A narrative that will accuse a person of Jewish heritage of anti-Semitism, a person of colour of racism, a practising Muslim of being an Islamaphobe. A narrative that will define for you and me and all of us comprising this myriad of multitudes in the world what generational or personal trauma includes and what induces the same.

Those of you who know me, know what I’ve been dealing with the past few days & why I haven’t spoken up before now. Before I logged out a couple days ago, I saw what looked like more of the usual nonsense by the same group of people I’ve kept my distance from once their true colours were revealed. What I didn’t expect is that they would think themselves so above the norms of human decency and accountability that they would go after not one but two women of colour this time around in their rabidity. And many others who spoke up, as it turns out.

It hurts to see what these women, that I know of, have had to endure and to see the passivity of the community, save for a few voices, in sitting back and letting the circus rampage through town. It hurt when I was at the receiving end of it and it hurts now.

Why? Because it shows me a microcosm of the world that I don’t really relate to, that makes no sense to me with the values I was brought up with, and which reduces basic human decency to a commodity to be trampled upon and for you to be seen as weak for having. Because people who willingly laud you for your art / writing / wit, meet you with effusive claims of love and affection and friendship, who have no qualms in taking your help when it suits them, will throw you under the bus and let the wolves ravage you when it doesn't.

Before I get into that, let me talk a little bit about what has transpired over the past few days to a week, and what has been systemically taking place over perhaps the past year in this fandom.

One thing is that everyone who makes a statement about anything suddenly has people in their mentions demanding they show what gives them the right to hold that particular opinion. A critical thing people forget about fandom is that it is a place where people hide their identity for a variety of reasons, all valid, and this approach to fiction and conversations where everyone has to reveal every part of their past and identity as a means of establishing their "credentials" in order to present their views comes in direct contradiction with how fandoms operate. It violates people's rights to privacy.

The other is that there has been an increase in the voices that purportedly stand up to “speak for” the marginalised, the abused, those discriminated against and those who belong to minorities who “need to be protected / kept safe”. An admirable sentiment, to be sure. If it weren’t for the fact that none of these groups of people needed saving, speaking for or the protection of this particular group of voices.

Voices who only want to define and use these people as "model victims" to hurt other white women and establish their supremacy over both them and other POC. Voices that will present their "truth" as they see fit and sans context or present you with screenshots of snippets of conversations held in supposedly secure spaces that they have no qualms in violating in the interest of the "greater good" and claim offense / silencing if the misdemeanour is pointed out or action is taken against them, Voices that will conveniently categorize you as a "token POC" or "white adjacent" when you do not support or align with their narrative. Voices that belong to a predominantly white American group of women, whose real agenda, as is evidenced by their modus operandi, has nothing to do with real altruism or a drive for justice or indeed to right wrongs.

No, their agenda is purely power.

To hold sway over groups of followers, to shepherd them as though they are sheep who cannot think for themselves, and to set themselves up as white saviours who call out those who step out of line, or are deemed to be problematic and toxic and unsafe. To be the owners of the only "safe spaces" in fandom and to drive other groups and spaces to be boycotted or worse.

Now, I've long wondered, who indeed are these women to decide that for anyone? In a world comprising multiple cultures, religions, groups, subgroups, genders and which contains multitudes, who are these women and what gives them the right to foist their puritanical standards on everyone, very conveniently disguised as concern for the moral well being of everyone and the consumption, of all things, of fiction?

Certainly, there are many things in this world that people regard with justifiably equal dislike / horror / sadness. At the same time, there is much that is not shared, that is particular to a culture and to a person’s background. There is a multitude of perspectives that make the whole. And the white women of the United States of America have not cornered the market on what those are, or indeed even own any curatorship or censorship of the same. They cannot, because each person’s culture and background and joy and trauma is their own, as are their ways of dealing with it all.

That being said, let’s talk about their pack behaviour and the devolution I’ve witnessed on social media as basic human decency is bartered for clout.

I’m all for standing up for someone who doesn’t have a voice or a platform, or maybe afraid of repercussions to voice dissent. I’m all for being there for our fellow human beings as they face struggles of often unconscionable and unfathomable proportions. I’m all for holding people accountable for their negative behaviours as they impact the larger community.

What I am unequivocally NOT for is treating such situations as an opportunity to preach, to virtue-signal, to shame and to put on blast the alleged wrong-doers. I say alleged because that’s what most accusations are on these platforms—allegations to do with things that disturb our sense of balance or make us wrinkle our noses or that we deem bad, and therefore make the accused deserving of the full force of the community’s misbehaviour and censure.

I ask you if you were found guilty of a crime in real life—you know, the one away from your phones and keyboards—would you not have an opportunity to retain a lawyer, to plead your case in a court of law, to acquit yourself? Or, if found guilty, would you not have the opportunity for correction and rehabilitation? Yes, you say? (If you say no, then that explains the spate of state-perpetuated injustices across the USA, but that is a different matter).

Why then are people treated so abhorrently in this court of public opinion? What gives you, me, any one of us the right to judge people so vilely and with a metaphorical gun to their heads? What gives anyone the right to say you better agree with everything I say, retract everything you said and grovel for it or we will eviscerate you in public, shame you, force you to change or delete the content that offends us and still ostracise you and in some cases even threaten you with bodily harm or death, or doxx you?

Why is there no grace in how people are approached or dealt with? Whatever happened to allowing people to learn from their mistakes, where applicable, or hearing them out and giving them a chance to explain their side of something we may not fully understand?

Why is there no accountability for such behaviour on the part of the accusers?

What makes the rest of you sit back and allow this to happen? What makes you think this is in any shape or form okay to watch? Today, it is a virtual stranger at the receiving end, one you can distance yourself from quite conveniently saying Oh, she just mods a group I am in, or I only read their fics a couple times or I only followed them for their art or jokes or whatever flavour of excuse you choose. Tomorrow, it will be one of your own - or it may very well be you. And you'd better hope there's someone left to speak up for you.

The irony is you will have allowed it to happen by letting the wolf in the fold. By letting these white women manipulate you, and the community you claim to be a part of, so unapologetically, so maliciously and so unashamedly that before you can do anything about it the cancer has taken hold.

If this was happening in the world outside of social media, they would have to follow due process, to present real evidence based on facts (not based on emotions, rumours or perceptions) and would have to allow the person they are accusing to present a counter-argument, to defend themselves or be defended. Failure to do so is a miscarriage of justice and, depending on whether this is a professional or legal proceeding, they would either seriously risk their jobs or have the case thrown out of court. If not face action themselves for attempting to derail the process of justice.

Why then are they permitted to range so freely through the landscape of fandom, snarling and biting at who they please, or who displeases them?

I have no shame in saying I was at the receiving end of their behaviour for defending a friend they put on blast and I will tell you right here and now, I am a woman of colour who feels unsafe and attacked by these so-called self-appointed white saviours of your social media experience, these so-called upholders of the common morality—whatever that means—who will fight for you the evils of problematic and toxic writers who dare to have an opinion not aligned with theirs and who do not bow to their clout. Not that they care, so long as they can ignore this fact since it doesn’t fit their narrative. So long as they can ignore what has just been done to so many people in the name of cleansing the fandom.

If any one of these women were truly interested in alleviating the troubles and pains of the discriminated, the marginalized, the trauma-affected, I invite them to please come roll their sleeves up and help in the multitudes of troubles that wrack this world, not just in the backyards of their minds. My country is amidst a struggle for the basics of human life in this horrific pandemic and, prior to that, for basic constitutional rights for religious minorities. Do not patronize me and lecture me on trauma and racism and discrimination. Do not marginalise me in your attempt to pontificate and set your pearl-clutching puritanical selves above the rest, or assuage your white guilt.

A largely American audience or fanbase in this fandom is purely a function of access and interest—other cultures have vast followings for things you couldn't begin to fathom—and it doesn't mean you are entitled in any shape or form to be spokespeople for the rest of the world. We have no interest in being colonized again by white oppressors.

If you disagree with what I have said, I congratulate you on being a part of their coterie and wish you much joy in being the sheep in their fold. Kindly unfollow or block me on the way off of this post.

[bunbuns-many-muses]

Call Out Post That’s Long Overdue. Because I’ve Had It.

I have been keeping it nice and calm for the sake of my personal health, as it has been deteriorating slowly more and more. I tried my best to fucking keep it nice and collected because stress could literally kill me if enough of it overwhelms me right about now. But I have been made aware of some things right now that has set forth into motion, this very post because whether it brings more stress and worsens my health or not, I’m going to stop being silent. I don’t care if any of you hate me. I’m going to call ALL of you out. This all began when my friend Cynn @abandonedentity​ got harassed by some anon messages over a face claim she had been using at the time. Naturally, she was confused because she didn’t know what she did wrong. Considering her rp character is 1/4 Japanese, and therefore her physical appearance would not exactly fit in with the popular image of what someone of mixed heritage should look like, she picked a faceclaim she thought was appropriate. Naturally, these people who have had a problem with Cynn for whatever personal reasons they do, they decide to label her racist because the character isn’t ‘japanese looking’ enough for them. Rather than letting Cynn explain that much about her rp character, @klngrat​ aka @14hnds​ and others a part of @jxdicium,  @cxrtus, @coercitxr, @prxestolatio, @o-tabescere, @kahogo, @tg-positivity, @tg-masterlist, @icons-crate, @kechirase,@lengjing ‘s TG RPC Discord Chat, @klngrat decided to go this route:

(SO MUCH FOR NOT VAGUING ANYONE EH ARTIE?!)

So instead of trying to explain why they harassed my friend @chasedoffthesite​ aka @abandonedentity​, they instead wrote her off as being  racist and with that, they felt it gave them the God given right to be abusive to her. @klngrat also evidently made sure to tell others who knew him that my friend is ‘racist’ and that those who follow them must be too. Considering this happened within the same time period. Yes that’s right, I myself began getting bothered by people. JUST BECAUSE CYNN IS MY FRIEND I TOO BEGAN GETTING HARASSED. People who most likely came from the site my dear Vodkachan helps mod, along with @ofgourmet.

Yep. Even the owner of TG RPC Discord’d bestie Ramona aka @white-reaper, aka @crown-of-clowns, @grotesque-puppet, @megistanis, @inter-se-solus, @der-ausgleich  got in on the action. I have evidence of them watching my blog in particular but that’s a rant for a whole other  day. And that day will come.

So for all of your  Social Justice Warrior 'efforts’ that you pulled for the sake of proclaiming someone a racist, you did so with false accusations! You branded @chasedoffthesite​ aka @abandonedentity​ as a racist because of their face claim? Do you all hold yourselves to that same letter? Do you watchdog all of your actions all the time to make sure you’re not racist? Do you? I bet you don’t. What’s even sadder is that it has traumatized Cynn and made her feel unsafe, and when you make my friends feel like they’re in danger because of your bullying and slander, that’s when I am truly angry.

So @abandonedentity​ has decided not to stay in hiding anymore and has decided to return with their Aiko, with an entirely new faceclaim as per their newfound knowledge about how awful you people slandering her are, that I, AN ACTUAL PERSON OF COLOR AND SPECIFICALLY OF CHINESE/MEXICAN PARENTAGE, took the time to help her recover from and the depression she found herself drowning in because of YOU.

Yet when she bravely and with pieces of what’s left of her self esteem, announces she’s coming back, this is what happens?

So the opinion of a small group of white people is more important on deciding who is racist and who isn’t in the TG Fandom? You know what I find WAY MORE OFFENSIVE than the face claim that you harassed Cynn about? The fact that a group of white people get to decide what is and isn’t racist. Like white people haven’t been trying to do that in the USA already....Your dear friend @klngrat​ get’s away with harassing my friend @ofgourmet ? That’s funny that you all have to collab as a team to decide things about this...so let me ask you all something...when was it okay to act as if none of you had ever done anything wrong in your lives? 

When did you all decide as a group that it was okay to label my friend as being one of the worst things ever?  Were you more concerned about being an SJW? Because if you really gave a fuck, why wasn’t my opinion or any other person of color’s taken into account? I may be just one POC, but you ain’t going to speak over me. You do not get to tell me what is and isn’t truly and intentionally racist when I grew up experiencing it not only from white people but POC who didn’t like the fact that I wasn’t ‘brown’. You don’t get to use the word racist as a way to bully and ostracize a person just because you have a personal problem with them.

The one thing that enrages me as a POC aside from when racists get away with being racist, is when people throw around the word ‘racist’ for anything or anyone they dislike, even if it isn’t actually racist. Because then it trivializes the word ‘racist’ and causes it to be taken less seriously.

 And when people who have no actual prejudice or racism in them get accused of being racist, without any basis, the trigger happy SJW camp here on Tumblr loses their shit and begins bullying and making that person’s life a living hell until they either leave the site traumatized or kill themselves and at that point, you  and your social justice has become nothing more than a tool for cyber bullying people under the guise of being an ‘ally’. 

Nothing justifies the witch hunt you executed and the slander you all continue to perpetuate against Cynn. As a POC I’m still disgusted that the mods and certain members of the Tokyo Ghoul Discord chat room known as TG-RPC has been engaging in slander and harassment of myself and my friend Cynn I know what racism is...I know all about white-washing....I’ve gone through that MY ENTIRE LIFE FROM WHITE PEOPLE AND OTHER POC. So using my voice as a POC, I’m going to call it out when I see something wrong!

More references to this anon harassment here: http://chasedoffthesite.tumblr.com/post/173116241145/excessiveadaptationsyndrome-this-just-in-a

[criticsofcolour]

The Winter’s Tale, Shakespeare’s Globe [Adanna Oji @AdannaOji]

It is always an event to watch a production at Shakespeare's Globe Theatre where audience alike are thrust into the unpredictability of open air theatre. Whether it be random boeing chinooks flying over-head or the odd pigeon using part of the set as a nest; the audience are in the thick of it in full view of one another with nowhere to hide. All that many theatre's seek to mitigate against; the Globe encourage us all to embrace and enjoy as an integral part of the experience.

And this is, certainly, something the cast from The Winter's Tale advocated, providing us with laughter whilst consistently blurring the fourth wall with enthusiastic interactions with the audience- which, of course, we all relished.

The Winter's Tale, one of Shakespeare's later plays, centres around King of Sicilia, Leontes (played by Will Keen ) and his un- explainable descent in a furious and paranoid psychosis as he convinces himself that his wife is having and affair with his childhood friend Polixenes, the King of Bohemia (played by Oliver Ryan).  In order to punish his wife, the King sets in motion actions which have irrevocable consequences and fracture the kingdom to its core.

Sicilia and Bohemia are fictional Kingdoms and it was an interesting the choice of director Blanche McIntyre to have Bohemia depicted as a rural, off the grid, living in the sticks sort of an environment as opposed to indulging, as oft many productions do, in an other worldly fantastical land. This is in stark contrast to the elegant royal attire worn by the court of Sicilia. Their clothes were reminiscent of 19th Century Russian and Mongolian inspired traditional clothes. Though I appreciate the pared down aspect of Bohemia and the costume choices for the two separate Kingdoms; the contrast was confusing, with the inhabitants of Bohemia and Sicilia appearing to look like they were from different centuries rather than lands.

The cast for this production were very strong. Though some stood out more than others, each actor held their own on stage and their voices rang clear within the difficult acoustics of the auditorium. With female dominant cast; I was impressed to see that women performed roles traditionally given to men.  Perhaps this was a subversive nod towards the ancient tradition of all roles being performed by men in England century's before? Either way, it was a welcome element of the production.

Will Keen as King Leontes had a way speaking of Shakespeare that was incredibly comprehensive without losing it's poetic quality. Allowing even those most novice to Shakespearean text, which can be quite a turgid and superfluous language to get to grips with, access to understand and relate to it more. The twist and turns of Keen's emotions as well comedic timing brought out beautiful complexities within the character of King Leontes that could so easily be missed and over looked.

Sirine Saba confident portrayal of Pauline was arresting. A bold, astute character with equal stubbornness to rival that of King Leontes,  Saba allowed Pauline to be a woman of fire, love and grace simultaneously.

Other notably mentions Howard Ward as Antigonus , the  loving father of three who risks his life to save a child and Rose Wardlaw who played multiple roles including the young prince Mamillius and was able to switch between masculine and feminine roles with authentic ease.

Priyanga Burford declared her innocence as Queen Hermione with brave and admirable defiance.  A decoration that reminded me of a speech that Queen Anne Boylen gave at court to her husband Henry 8th when she too were on trial for a similar accusation. And when Hermione reveals herself to the King, Burford brings forth a poignant, emotional reconciliation.

Looking around at the audience I was pleased to see a beautiful pebble dash array of ethnicities in pit and the stalls. It is encouraging to see that the Globe are actively working at enriching their audience diversity. Yet the same cannot be said about the casting of the show. It was a shame to not see that diversity reflected in the on stage. If were not for Priyanga Burford the cast would have been solely white - including the and live band who serenaded us also.

As we clapped to the music and dance provided by the cast at the end of the show (which was followed by well deserved rapturous applause) it struck me as being a sadly missed opportunity for this production to use this great stage to authentically reflect the multicultural city it is performing to and in.

Shakespeare is still seen as being a white bourgeoisie canonical text; to be appreciated by a certain echelon of society. Having a predominantly white cast and crew serves to reinforce this rather than confront, challenge and change it.

Moving forward, I hope the newly appointed Artistic Director of the Globe, Michelle Terry strives to bridge the diversity gap and creates an environment that is inclusive for POC both on and off the stage.

Adanna Oji As well as being an expert in hill rolling (race against her and you will lose!) Adanna Oji is a writer, actress, voice over artist and documentary maker. Her work includes working with HBO, The BFI, National Theatre Wales, The United Nations and Theatre Royal Stratford East. // www.adannaoji.com // TWITTER: @AdannaOji  INSTAGRAM: @Ojiwan_Kenobi

Title of show: The Winter's Tale Venue: Shakespeare's Globe Theatre Dates the show is on: 27-29 July 2018 Writer: William Shakespeare Director: Blanche McIntyre Producer: Matilda James Design: Designer- James Perkins, Costume Supervisor - Natalie Pryce, Head of Wardrobe - Megan Cassidy, Had of Wigs, Hair & Make-up - Pam Humpage, Carpenter - Brendan McSherry, Scenic Artists - Emily Carne + Mat Ducasse, Costume Makers - Joanna Close +Helen Dyer Greece's + Charles Hanrahan + Alison Kirkpatrick +Aislinn Luton + Emily Staar + Rachel Thomas Technical: Head of Production - Wills, Company Manager - Marion Marrs, Production Manager - Fay Powell-Thomas, Stage Manager - Ian Farmery, Props Manager - Katy Brooks, Venue Technicians - Gemma Hayter + Assad Jan Cast members: Old Shepherd - Annette Badland, Emilia/Cleomenes/Mopsa - Zora Bishop, Camillo - Adrian Bower, Hermione - Priyanga Burford, Autolycus - Becci Gemmell, Leontes - Will Keen, Pereira - Norah Lopez-Holden, Florizel - Luke MacGregor, Clown - Jordan Metcalfe, Polixenes - Oliver Ryan, Paulina - Sirine Saba,  Antigonus - Howard Ward, Mamillius/Time/Dion/Dorcas - Rose Wardlaw Running time: 3hrs 0mins

[sometimesrosy]

Anonymous said:The hair reeks racism but go off with all the hair speculation trying to excuse everything the writers do

All right. You want to talk about the hair, and, in so doing, my supposed white feminism. That’s what we’re talking about here, right? Okay. Let’s talk. 

You know what dreads look like right?

Those are not them.

That’s not what they look like on white people hair. That’s not what they look like on black hair. You can see the twists at the top of the head. And that there’s some sort of oil or gel in them. 

Octavia’s style not a black hair style. Therefore it is not cultural appropriation. Therefore is not racism. It’s ugly, but it’s not racism. 

Gaia has dreads. Has anyone complained about Gaia’s use of dreads? Why would they?

You know what? Nyko had dreads. That is what dreads look like on a white person. I have never heard anyone get upset about Nyko’s dreads. I don’t know why. For some reason, his actual dreads are not offensive or racist? 

This hair on Octavia or Clarke or Murphy?

Not.

Dreads.

Dreads don’t fall out when you step away from the hair stylist. Clarke’s hair melted away as soon as she left Polis. Dreadlocks don’t do that, do they? They are “locked” in place. An act of the natural texture of hair in some people, or the act of extreme manipulation in others. I don’t know what they do to make white hair dread up but it doesn’t look pleasant.

Clarke had a couple of dreads after she was out in the woods for 3 months that lasted all season. Under her hair. I get those mats in winter but I don’t turn them into dread locks, I rip them out with a comb. I can’t speak to what they did in Polis, but if you want to talk about dreads on Clarke, those were dreads. She also had braids and beads. But the twisty thing on top?

NOT. DREADS.

Just. Compare them. Look at pictures of the two hair styles. They’re really not the same. I don’t know why people keep saying they are.

I’ve been theorizing about WHY the show chose that ugly hairstyle. Sorry, that’s what I do. You’re making things up so you can call the writers racist, because you think that makes you more morally pure than other people and it gives you a sense of purpose and righteousness and power. 

But you should make sure that you get your facts straight before you accuse people of being racists, and check your own motivation, not just because it’s cruel, bullying, and not true, but because it TRIVIALIZES racism.

 If you call EVERYTHING that you don’t like racist, for whatever reasons, it becomes very easy to dismiss, because it is clearly inaccurate. And then when people do things that are racist and toxic and meant to harm people or even just unconsciously oppressive accidentally (which doesn’t make it better) no one will believe you when you call it racist. They’ll just think it’s typical over sensitive SJW nonsense and completely disregard you. They already don’t believe us. They already think our reasons for feeling oppressed are made up. You’re reinforcing their belief that all racism is fake or even deserved. 

You’re also agreeing with their position that all races should be separate and pure and not interact and not communicate and not share, so any whiff of similarity to black culture in a fictional tv show is seen, by you, as offensive. As if imaginary survivors of an imaginary apocalypse will not have integrated various cultural elements into their new society. Because races are meant to be pure and separate. Just like the racists want. So, good job internalizing the messages of the racists and deciding that multiculturalism and sharing cultures is evil. I, being mixed race and multicultural, do not think it is racist at all. Mainly because that very belief is racist against me and all mixed race and multicultural people.  

Calling someone a racist is not a game. 

I do not think this show is racist. I just don’t. I am entitled to my opinion, which is not ignorant, as I’ve been studying racism and the media since I was a child from Harlem and The Bronx. And it’s also not a white opinion, because I am not white. You don’t have to like my opinion. You don’t have to agree with my opinion. But my opinion is valid. 

When I think a show is racist. I STOP WATCHING. Because racism offends me. You can’t force me to be offended by something that I don’t find offensive. I suggest you quit The 100, because you think it’s racist and the producers are offensive. You should not support that. 

 I don’t agree that The 100 is racist, so I’m going to keep enjoying it and keep on making my theories about what is going on. However, I don’t enjoy being told I’m not allowed to have theories that don’t agree with yours. I don’t enjoy the serious implication that I am a racist because I don’t follow your dogma. I don’t enjoy the way your part of the fandom keeps trying to erase my POC perspective because you think only one POC opinion is allowed. I don’t enjoy the racism directed at mixed race and multicultural people by supposed allies and POC themselves. And I don’t enjoy how lately, some people seem to think it’s righteous to talk over all latinx and disabled fans and condescendingly tell us our representation is racist, sadly, I’m worried, because I personally took a stand for finding Raven’s storyline inspiring. I am concerned that you’re taking out your beef with me on other minorities. This is a problem. 

I get that you think I have some sort of audacity to claim that I am POC and even more audacity to claim that my POC perspective deserves to be voiced. But since I never needed your permission to exist and never asked your permission to speak, I don’t care. I don’t need your validation or approval to have my own thoughts. I never did, and I think that’s why you are getting upset. I’m not allowed independent thought or a voice at all. You have not only not gotten your facts straight about the hairstyle on the show, you have not gotten your facts straight about who I am.

Minority voices do not need permission to speak. In fact, one of the problems is that minority voices are consistently REFUSED permission to speak. That is why we don’t need YOURS. 

I’m not playing your fandom wars because you want attention and drama. 

Nice hearing from you. Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. 

You’re blocked.

[emily-jared-zoe-benjamin-blog]

TW: Abuse, rape, toxic houses, abelism, additction. text heavy post below the cut. Please read. Do not comment with anything that is unsupportive. x x x x x x x x x x I ususally dont have the energy or am too ashamed to tell people whats actually going on with me. It has felt very isolating and put me in a bad mental place for a long time. This time I am speaking out. It's hard for me to put this in words without being emotional. I have reached out to some folks in my community. I have direct support from members of MBAC, TWAC, NLG, SURJ. Three or four years ago, I and others started a rad community house to center marganilized folks. I have been the primary person holding down this house (as in emotional labor, physical labor, and financial labor). Awesome friends have lived here. So have alot of shitty, abusive assholes. I've been fucked over beyond anything I feel like going into. Things have deteriorated. The people I currently live with have worn me down to nothing and have turned the house into a toxic environment. They were all friends before moving in and reinforce and enable each others problematic behaviors. They are abelist and abusive. They aren't paying bills or rent. We are getting shut off notices everyday. One of my roommmates raped someone in the house and the rest have enabled this behavior thru appoligism and denial. JARED HUNSAKER BENJAMIN DONOLON AKA JOHN SMITH EMILY KAYE WARNER ZOE SNIK OR ZOE JENKINS TOXIC ENVIRONMENT Since this summer, I have consistently been woken up by rowdy partying every night from the hours of 3-9 AM. They will sleep or drink through the day. There is a culture of drug and alchohol use on a nightly and daily basis. Personally, I dont care what drugs people do as long as it does not negativly affect others in the house. That is the case here. The drugs they are using makes them highly aggressive. Often what wakes me up is barking dogs and sketchy-and-drunk, agro-white-cis dudes getting into fights or raising their voices. People and their dogs have literally stayed at the house for upwards of two months. Typically this is without discussion. Most of them have been physically violent and aggressive and verbally abusive. Most of them have been kicked out after multiple incidents of violence and agression. Most of these incidents arent communicated with other housemates. I finally find out once it's really bad that, oh, they knew this person was agro all along and had expierenced it. Many times these are people my roommates later claim to 'barely know' or just met. All are white cis dudes. I realize a lot of this behavior is deeply imbedded in their community. I have been in a constant state of exhaustion due to lack of sleep. I have chronic pain and I get exhausted everyday just from living and have explained this to them many times. It's disorienting being woken up from a deep REM sleep consistently. And I cant function/think. The last fucking noise I want to be woken up by is either a barking dog or the sound of a white cis dude who probably has dred locks. This is not a punk house. When I reached my limit and asked that we not host folks for a few weeks (especially white cis dudes) they did so anyways and lied to my face that no one was there (even when I saw them). I've also asked for specific people who have been agro not to be back at the house. This has also been ignored. When neighbors began coming to me, they finally took the noise seriously. ANON ROOMMATE - RAPE/ABUSE It is in this toxic culture that one of my roommates raped someone in the house. The entire house apparently knew/or was involved and didnt tell me, nor did they hold this person acocuntable. Why? Because they are denialists, appologists, and enablers. They shamed the survivor to their face as well as blamed them for the abuse because they both had drank. In addition, Emily screamed and violently reacted to the survivor when the survivor went to them for support. The rapist literally said things such as, "she is only saying I raped her because her feelings are hurt." They shit talked the survivor and said they were out to ruin them and not to trust them. These conversations took place in a Facebook chat which I am no longer in and copied and pasted to email form. *some screenshots included.. I reached the limit of pictures that could be posted, however, there is much more* I learned about the rape when rent was due (one month after the abuse) when the abuser didnt have money because he had to pay for part of the abortion. I immediatly reached out to the survivor and offered support. The survivor told me they reached out to everyone in the house to try to hold the abuser accountable and asked that I be told. No one in the house did that. I then sent a Facebook message to the entire house calling out the abuser and the other people's appoligist, enabling behaviors. I asked for accountability. I set up ground rules for this conversation and said I would end the conversation if they were broken (for example, no gaslighting, no survivor blaming, shaming, no aggressive personal attacks, etc). These rules were broken repeaditly as were boundaries the survivor set. They seriously triggered the survivor. I was unable to continue speaking with them because of how disguisting their comments were. I then reached out to the community for support. I arranged for a neutral mediator to meet with us in an effort to hold the abuser and others accountable. At first they were receptive. Then they never responded when the mediator reached out to them. We made more attempts and waited longer. Then said they refused to engage in mediation. I've made many efforts to hold them accountable within the house. This has failed. JARED HUNSAKER white cis male. Jared got in my face while I was in my chair, yelling when I asked him to be quiet at 4 am. He then refused to move out of my way and blocked my path and continued yelling at me until I came back out of my room to talk to him. He says that any request I have is either overreacting or petty. Usually, after I make a request to Emily (as the noise is coming from her room and I dont want to enter a room of people partying at 4 am, especially not after being attacked) for the entire group to be quiet, I will get a nasty text at 4 or 6 am from Jared saying "the whole house thinks it's time I move out" or calling me "petty." This has happened multiple times. Only two of those times are included. It's at a point where I know asking for them to respect basic boundaries or to do things around the house wont happen. I dont feel comfertable talking to them in person, so I have been talking to them over Facebook. At this point, I dont feel talking to them in any form will change anything. BENJAMIN DONLON AKA JOHN SMITH Benjamin is a poc cis male who recently moved here from Denver, Colorado. He used to organize and live at R2D2 and was briefly active in dont shoot. I found out that Benjamin basically fled Coloroado to escape accountability there. He was kicked out of his last house. Benjamin did not inform people in the house any of this information. I found out thru someone else in passing. When I asked him about this and for the name of the facilitator in Denver, he told me he was involved in a mutually abusive, co-dependant relationship where he was being mentally abused and he was physically violent. I asked him for the phone number of the facilitator of the process he went through. I asked four times. He never gave it to me. I thought it was a huge red flag that he didnt tell anyone about his past. I found the number myself. I learned that he was kicked out of a community house in Colorado for being violent towards other people and his former partner. He went through a process and was staying in the house. However, after that process, he chased his former partner into a room and she had to lock the door and trap herself in. He had punched walls before this and this time punched other folks trying to hold him back from punching the door more. It was at that time that he left Colorado. He has exibited the same behavior with me (chasing me into my room, yelling and banging the door down and trying to open it, refusing to leave). When he found out I spoke with the person in Denver, he became aggressive with me. Towering over me in my chair, yelling, blocking my path, hitting walls and counters, he accused me of "talking shit about him to people out of state" and then gaslit me, saying I never asked him for the phone number. Another time he did this to me, he ripped down a bill (in close proximity to my face and body, as I was literally in the act of putting up a shut off notice under the heat control when he ripped it down in my face). I told him to stop touching the heat unless he intended to pay, because it was about to be shut off. He then told me he would continue turning the heat on and to try to stop him (he hasn't paid bills since he moved in or paid full rent - as Emily told him this was okay). He began yelling at me and accusing me of stealing mail (???) and I quickly went into my room and held the door shut (my doors are french doors tied by a rope knot). He continued yelling and tried to break open the door. He left only when I blasted music to drown him out. Every encounter I have had with him since has been super aggressive. I later saw him and Zoe emptying the trash bins outside in apparent attempts to look for mail (?) it was gross and aggressive intimidation. He has harassed me while I was in the bathroom by yelling and threatening me (through a curtain door). He has waited outside my room in the dark for me to come out and mess with me on several occasions. EMILY WARNER: Emily works at Sam's Billiards as a cook (NE Sandy/42ndish). She's friends with people who party alot. She works most nights and parties afterwards until 9 am. Emily recently moved here from Michigan. I dont know where she meets her friends and would often later find out that she "doesn't know them" or just met them. She will also say that she doesnt know who's in her room and she isn't home when they are there. Both her and Zoe will say things are missing from their rooms all the time. Recently, Zoe has accused me of stealing from them, which is a baseless accusation; it clearly is the people they are bringing into the house. Emily has a pattern of abelism and creating conflict when asked to follow thru on basic promised responsibilities. Emily's dogs are dogs that bark at everything and destroy everything unless there are people around. They have been completly neglected. They almost never stop barking. Emily has barely been home these past few months. They may be cared for once a day if that. When she first moved in, she (like many before her) assumed that I would provide free animal care because I am disabled and at the house more than her. I told her after it was becoming apparent that I was not able to do this. She then paid others in the house to do this. My labor is always a free and exploited thing, of course. Then she stopped paying others and the dogs for months have been locked away in her room. Deficating and urinating in there and making a huge mess. They are so unhappy. Most of our conversations are about the dogs or being woken up. I have tried so many times, begging Emily to do something. The non-stop barking and wining every hour on a nightly basis is a nusance. She will say she is sorry and has done nothing to remedy this. She continues to neglect them or have the dogs in the presence of rowdy people and new dogs who rile them up. Others in the house have expressed the same sentiments. Emily generally has not followed thru on the things she has promised to do, and the same goes for most people in the house. Thus, house meetings continued to cover the same things that werent getting done until I finally told them that I refused to participate in house meetings. It was another drain on my labor to facilitate and plan the same meeting without follow through. So I did all the "to dos" and projects myself. Most of this involved physical labor, such as removing large objects, forming a gate, and cleaning the yard of large pallets and their party trash, clearing matresses, and so on. They did nothing to help. Finally, two months ago, I passed on the responsibility for paying rent and bills to Emily because I was at my breaking point. Most of the time people dont pay rent or bills. It's fucking not okay. I'm not a fucking bank. I exist on disability income while they all work/can work and spend their money on alchohol and molly. I've been dealing with this ontop of organizing and ontop of having almost zero will to exist. So Emily was taking our money and didn't pay any bills the entire time. If they took it, if they didnt have enough to cover bills, if they didn't communicate to us they need more money. I dont know and I dont care. I am facing shut off notices everyday and sadled with over $800 past due bills because of this. She continues to lie about paying them and does nothing. The bills she has said she paid are actually not paid. I have actual copies of the bills reflecting that as well as all her texts claiming that she paid them. She enabled the abuser by covering his rent and survivor-shamed by hiding the abuse from others in the house (along with other housemates). Last month, when rent was due, the money I gave her was missing. For 24 hours she wouldnt give me a straight answer as to where it was or if she had it. She strings me along saying things are paid and then I call the utilitiy the next day and find out she hasn't. This pattern has been going on for awhile and is exhausting. She will then spin elaborate stories to create conflict and to confuse the issue (not just about this, but everything). This is something all the folks in the house have been doing. They have been banding together to defend and enable an abuser and their own abusive behaviors. Sometimes I doubt my own reality. Lately I have been refusing to engage in their webs of lies. I've cut off all contact with them. ZOE SNIK- Zoe is someone I know from mutual friends in twac and also from shows. I had the most hope for them and am truelly sorry they are not seeing things clearly. They seemed somewhat supportive initially, but since I have taken action to kick Benjamin out of the house, they have been spreading actual lies about me online. They are best friends with Emily. They told me about the rape. When they did they did so, however, it was in a denialist way of shaming, dismissing, and denying the survivor's story. They and others said, "they were there" and thats not what happened. Or that the survivor was drunk at the time. After one or two initial conversations, Zoe refused to engage in further discussion about the abuse. Zoe has brought over many agro white cis dudes who have stayed for months. They continue to bring over folks who I specifically asked them not to, due to their aggressive behaviors toward me. These folks are always drunk when they are here. It makes me very uncomferable. They continued to bring groups of people over when specifically asked not to on a temporary basis because of how rowdy the house had been. I am the only one in this house who cleans or constantly picks up after the entire house and their beer cans, clearing other people's huge mattresses and yard couches. We havent had any spoons in the kitchen for many months. The past weeks, I've stopped cleaning up after them and no one did anything. During one telling incident (with past people), after we got an eviction notice, I cleaned the entire house and mowed the whole yard by myself as they sat on the porch smoking cigarettes. That literally happened. I've had to post desprate CraigsList ads. I trade my houseless friend weed in exhange for labor now. Recently Zoe dumped a moldy matreess that I specifically asked them not to dump in our yard/freepile, because I knew I'd be the one dealing with it, along with the others, right next to an actual no dumping sign that I made. After asking several times, I of course had to be the one to get rid of it. I empty the trash and do dishes. They virtually never contribute. I've explained how recylcing works a million times and im still having to sort thru our trash constantly because they don't care. With them having so many people over, I've never seen so much trash in the house. In the end, it is me dealing with it all and cleaning up after them all while being told that I'm being 'petty'. I maintain all the basics - I'm the sole person for years getting tiolet paper, soap, staple foods, ect. I have paid rent and bills and been in the constant state of being owed money. At times, two thosand dollars. It has taken me months to get repaid, only to have someone else not pay rent and me have to cover. Why is the one disabled person cleaning up after abelist messes? The air quality got so bad in here that the day has finally come. I am empyting bob myself (aka carrying up huge buckets of water from the basement upstairs). Fuck every last abelist bone in their body. Folks who support me have offered to help with this but asking someone to come do that seems like more time than it would for me to do it. This alone caused me alot of anxiety, then during this Emily felt entitled to take the dehumifier to her room. After spending days of trying to get outside help just to empty the thing, she has made it impossible. I texted her over the span of two days letting her know nicely that it needs to be returned, that it belongs to the house and I am having a real bad pain flare up because of her actions. First she didn't respond, then finally was snippy, and eventually moved it after the point where I lost my calm with her. Community members served a Restraining Order (RO) on Benjamin and are trying to find Jared. We went to great lengths to keep this within the community and not involve the police. If we did involve the police this would have been over already. Emily and Zoe will be evicted thru a community eviction. After serving an RO on Benjamin, both Zoe and Emily made posts on housing forums targetting me and attacking me for supporting survivors and making up lies about the situation. They have refused any accountability for their actions as to why they are being asked to leave. I am extremely worried about the past due bills that Emily has not paid on behalf of the house for months and making rent by April 1. I was planning on giving Zoe a second chance, despite their behaviors, because I saw hope in them working on this stuff. However, due to their lack of accountability and smear campaign against my name, that will no longer be the case.

[natashatheknitter]

The knitting community is reckoning with racism

Fiber artists of color are taking to Instagram stories to call out instances of prejudice — and to try to shape a more inclusive future.

By

Jaya Saxena

 Feb 25, 2019, 8:00am EST

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Karen Templer’s Fringe Association Co. is kind of like Goop for knitting. There are tips and how-tos for navigating knitting’s trickier maneuvers. There are knit-alongs for chunky cowls and cute fingerless gloves. There’s an online store that sells the Fringe bag, which has come to be known in some circles as the Birkin of knitting bags. And there’s the blog where Templer puts her personal thoughts.

On January 7, she blogged excitedly about her upcoming trip to India. She wrote that 2019 would be her “year of color.” She said that as a child, India had fascinated her, and that when an Indian friend’s parents offered to take her with them on a trip, it was “like being offered a seat on a flight to Mars.” She spoke of her trip as if it were the biggest hurdle anyone could jump: “If I can go to India, I can do anything — I’m pretty sure.” Templer, it should be noted, is white.

As someone who is mixed-race Indian, to me, her post (though seemingly well-meaning) was like bingo for every conversation a white person has ever had with me about their “fascination” with my dad’s home country; it was just so colorful and complex and inspiring. It’s not that they were wrong, per se, just that the tone felt like they thought India only existed to be all those things for them.

The initial comments on Templer’s blog post were supportive, but quickly, knitters and fans began to criticize her tone. “Karen, I’d ask you to re-read what you wrote and think about how your words feed into a colonial/imperialist mindset toward India and other non-Western countries,” wrote commenter Alex. “Multiple times you compare the idea of going to India to the idea of going to another planet — how do you think a person from India would feel to hear that?”

Templer has since apologized for her post, writing, “It took women of color pointing this out for me to see it ... which is not their responsibility, and I am thankful to them for taking the time,” and that she’d be continuing to raise visibility of people of color (and specifically black/indigenous POC) knitters and their work. (Templer declined to comment for this piece.) But her post triggered a wave of conversations about racism and prejudice in the fiber arts world, which thus far shows no signs of slowing down.

How the conversation started

Odds are if you’re in your 20s or 30s, you have at least one friend who’s gotten really into knitting in the past few years. The ancient craft never went away, but relatively recently, aided by its high Instagrammability, a heightened appreciation of DIY, and everyone’s desperate need to keep their hands busy in an anxiety-inducing world, it became more within the purview of urbane people who know how to flex online.

Social media and the internet have allowed more people than ever to share their love of fiber arts, whether it’s through the ease of exchanging patterns and tips, or just connecting with other people who share the same interests. It’s not just that it makes knitting feel cool; it’s that knitters can find community within a hobby or livelihood that’s often done in solitude.

Social media is also a source of income for many knitters and fiber artists, who use Instagram to promote their Etsy shops, to connect with customers who want commissions, or to interact with brands and blogs. It’s as much socializing as it is networking, whether that means tagging the yarn dyers and pattern makers who made your hat possible, or asking your followers what kinds of things they’d like to see available in your shop.

Social media also makes pointing out racism easier than ever. For weeks, POC knitters have used Instagram, and specifically Instagram stories, to share their observations, tag other knitters, and conduct polls about others’ experiences with racism in the community. Hundreds of people of color have shared stories of being ignored in knitting stores, having white knitters assume they were poor or complete amateurs, or flat-out saying they didn’t think black or Asian people knit.

Templer’s blog post was far from the first time anyone raised the issue of whitewashing in knitting. “I think exactly two years ago, I tried to speak about this,” said Korina Yoo, a 23-year-old Filipina immigrant of mixed heritage living in Portland, Oregon, who shares her knitting via the account @thecolormustard. Grace Anna Farrow (@astitchtowear), a 38-year-old knitter in New Mexico, agreed that she’d seen conversations happen but they didn’t seem to stick. “I feel like the conversations were happening and they just weren’t getting attention, or they were in pockets that were so separated that you could conceivably ignore them all,” she said.

The knitters I spoke to were frustrated that Templer’s blog post seemed to be the thing that made that conversation blow up. “To say that it started with Karen Templer is to give her more credit than she deserves,” said Farrow, “but to say that white women noticed it when it happened to Karen Templer is more accurate. … That’s shitty, but if that’s what it takes to get the conversation started, I have trouble spending a lot of time feeling bad about it.”

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Yoo and Farrow have been two of the loudest voices in the conversation, as well as Sukrita Mahon (@su.krita) and Ocean Rose (@ocean_bythesea), among others. “We’ve had overwhelming support from all kinds of people,” said Mahon. “I really feel like we have a supportive audience that wants the community to do better and be better. It’s so encouraging. I’m daring to think that maybe we do belong.”

The conversation has certainly reached those outside the POC knitting community. “I saw [Templer’s] post mentioned in an Instagram story by one of the black knitters I follow, and I think they linked to @su.krita’s stories,” said Mark Popham, a 32-year-old white knitter in Brooklyn. “Then I started following a handful of BIPOC posting about it, and I’ve been following it since.”

And while he’d assumed that the knitting community was probably as racist as the world at large (read: very), he learned more about how he could combat that in this community. “I definitely had not done anything about what that would look like in this context — how it feels to be the only person of color in a knitting group, or see an Instagram feed with all white models, or have people say explicitly racist things to you at a knitting festival,” he said. “It shouldn’t take a person of color to point out that it’s weird to have an image of a diverse community be lily-white.”

The backlash to the conversation

The most common image of knitting is still probably an old white lady sitting in a rocking chair making a blanket (a stereotype that tends to grind modern knitters’ gears, with reason). But even though the stereotypical image has gotten younger over the years, the community is still perceived as very white. Part of that is a problem of access: Mahon points to the expense, especially if you’re buying high-quality or indie-made yarns (hand-dyed or luxurious yarn can be around $30 a skein, and depending on yardage, you’d need at least three to four skeins to make a sweater). “And it just keeps getting more and more expensive and elitist, until only other white women can keep up,” she said.

But another part is pure “marketable aesthetics,” says Yoo. “At some point, those super-blue filters came through, and then the minimalism came through, and then the not showing who you are, the cup of coffee, ball of yarn … spaces could become whitewashed without you really noticing.” The popular look was to focus on the knitting, not the person doing the knitting, which made it easier to forget what that person looked like. And sometimes, when followers were reminded, they showed their prejudice.

Rose said she noticed the whitewashing of the community when she’d post a photo of herself, or part of herself, after long stretches of only showing yarn or other images. “I just noticed the space was easier to navigate when I didn’t show who I was, because then you wouldn’t assume that I was a black person,” she said. “When I didn’t show myself, people would assume that the picture was from a white person. That’s when I knew it was really whitewashed.”

Though the conversation that Mahon, Rose, Yoo, and Farrow (among many others) have pushed forward has helped a lot of people see racism and whitewashing for what it is, there has also been pushback. The conversation has gotten some attention from the press, first in the New Yorker and later in Quillette, which called it a “witch-hunt” and involved a lot of hand-wringing over people being accused of being racist.

The backlash is “usually from white people who don’t understand why we’re ‘making it about race,’” says Mahon. “It’s generally people who either don’t think this is a problem or feel uncomfortable engaging with us. There are also POC who find this discussion uncomfortable, which I find harder to deal with. They just don’t want to rock the boat too much — but we already know where that gets us (nowhere).”

Hand-dyer and knitter Maria Tusken, who is white, posted a video on YouTube saying she spoke for the “silent majority” of knitters who didn’t think racism was a problem, that people were being “hostile ... all in the name of this social justice issue.” She added that those who did were following a “one-sided belief” that was leading them to bully people who didn’t think racism was a problem. (Tusken did not respond to request for comment for this piece.)

Her video was held up as an example of the fragility of many white knitters — even if they’re not leaving explicitly racist comments, many are refusing to engage with the conversation, and appear to agree with Tusken that the real “bullies” are those who point out white privilege to begin with.

So what happens now?

Though YouTube and blog posts have been part of the conversation, a vast majority of it has happened over the more ephemeral medium of Instagram stories. Mahon, Yoo, and others have made highlight collections of the conversation, but the format makes some things difficult.

“Sometimes you really feel the limits of the platform — not being able to link to websites, having to break statements into the comments,” said Popham, “but on the other hand, I don’t think this conversation could have happened elsewhere. There just isn’t another place where you could have this community, somewhat uncensored and able to react to one another.”

Those who facilitated the conversations agreed that the temporality of Instagram stories is what let them feel free to voice their concerns. “I think Instagram stories is a little less risky,” said Rose. Your main feed is “sort of like your landing page; people will go onto your feed and they see everything there. But with stories, you can kind of go wild.”

And according to Farrow, Instagram stories replicates the way these conversations have always worked. “The fact that it connected people makes it valid,” she said. “The fact that it’s temporary doesn’t make it less valid. Most conversations are temporary and exist in the moment and then expire, but that’s how we live.”

Stories have also allowed knitters of color to retain control over the conversation. Yoo says a number of white knitters have asked that these conversations take place in person. “I think it’s just like, ‘I prefer where you can see the amount of privilege that I can exhibit and extort,’” she said. But online, everyone is closer to being on equal footing; you can’t pressure someone into following the social norms of “polite conversation.”

Talking about it is always the first step, but as to how this conversation changes things going forward, it’s still unclear. Many people have pledged, whether on Instagram or in Reddit comments, to buy more knitwear and supplies from POC sellers, and say they’ve taken to heart the stories that have been shared. “Change is happening behind the scenes, and I find that encouraging, but also, when it’s not visible, how do you know?” asks Mahon.

One way these knitters are moving forward is with Unfinished Object, a blog from Mahon, Rose, Yoo, and Farrow that aims to explore “how diversity becomes inclusion, how representation morphs into change, and how we can serve our joy while being meaningfully present in our truths — in the fibre world and beyond.” So far, Mahon has written about feeling that her local knitting community in Sydney hasn’t taken enough of a stand against racism, and the group has an FAQ on how to be a better ally.

Perhaps the biggest change is how knitters of color will use a tool like Instagram from now on. “I cannot just mindlessly scroll anymore,” said Yoo. She and others are more aware than ever of whom they follow and support in the community. But Yoo also says the most promising aspect is that they’re not the center of the conversation anymore. “We’ve been exhausted, but seeing it sparked up again, seeing new voices, new coalitions sort of forming, that was like, ‘Oh, this is great.’”

Font: https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2019/2/25/18234950/knitting-racism-instagram-stories