#she DID find him in the end tho but it took like bloody forever

[microwaving-tesilid-argente]

when i reread the 300th dungeon arc i realised that it was ailette and not tesilid that said, "it's okay even if you forget me, because i will come and find you." the lack of he said and she said in webnovels really threw me off, but it really only makes sense if ailette is the one saying this bc she is anticipating tesilid going through 16 rounds before she can find him again, and it's reasonable that he may have gone through too much to remember someone he only met twice.

but.

tesilid never forgot her.

he used the 94th round's Bible of Truth question on "where is ailette rodeline". "I'm here, Ailette... but where are you?"

he must've been waiting all those rounds for her to show up. ailette said that with only good intentions, but it must've hurt so much for him

[bcdwhcre]

“Betrayal,” Levi x Reader

Summary: The 3 Titan shifters (aka Annie, Reiner and Bertholdt) had stolen the last Titan serum and you end up getting framed. While you get tortured by the military police to reveal the truth, Levi tries his best to prove your innocence.

Idk if this would end up being a series, it just might bc even tho this was requested, I’m thinking about having a spin where after the reader gets tortured, they have like a life changing moment (kinda like Tokyo ghoul where after Kaneki gets tortured, he turns into an actual ghoul) kinda like that so bear with me🤧

Warnings!: abuse and torture!!!!

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It was a normal day, the only day off the scouts had and they all spent it relaxing and talking with each other. You had sat next to your boyfriend, Levi, while having a few drinks when the military police had stormed inside the place.

The sudden harsh grabs of their hands on your body, slamming you down on the hard table was enough to cause pain through your body and you had let out a wince from the impact.

Their actions had made Levi jump up and try to shove them off your body, his anger boiling at the sight of you being put into handcuffs without them barely saying a word.

“Back up, Captain and let us do our job.” The guy ended up punching Levi clean in his jaw and made him stumble back.

“What the hell are you doing?” Armin had shouted, all the scouts ready to fight with the guards as they yanked your small body off the table.

“Y/N is under arrest for stealing the Titan serum and helping the traitors get away.” They spoke coldly, making your eyes widen at their words and Levi had looked surprised.

“That’s not true! I didn’t touch it!” You shouted, trying to resist their attempts of shoving you out the door and you had looked back at Levi.

“It’s not true, you have to believe me!” The last look he had given you was disappointment and that had made your heart shattered as they put you on the carriage.

The ride back to their station was quiet, except their disgusting words that they shot at you to make you feel guilty and even a guard mentioned how beaten you were going to be after they were done with you.

Your heart ached and your body shook from the amount of rage you felt running through your veins. You were sure you already had bruises forming on your skin from the rough pushing and shoving against the table.

Levi had stood in the middle of the room, watching you get taken out the door with the small of blood running down his nose and everyone stayed quiet, looking at the Captain.

He didn’t want to believe it but why would they suspect you? Out of all people? It had made him overthink about it but the look of terror on your face as you looked at him one last time had made him feel deep down in his gut that you were telling the truth.

He was your boyfriend afterall, he knew you pretty well and have been for over a year so he was positive he would know if you were a traitor and if you stole something as big as the Titan serum.

As you were shoved inside the cell, being locked away, you were left to your thoughts and the tears threatened to stream down your face as you tried to think of everything- how did you even end up here? What led you here?

It was a painful topic to think about, to even think about being a suspect, to think about being a traitor. There was no room for you to be a traitor even if you tried.

It had taken hours before the guards came back to bring you into a empty room, tying you to a chair to ‘ask you questions’ but in reality, they put you here to enjoy the torture they’re going to do to you.

“Where is the Titan serum?” One asked, making your sad tear filled eyes to look up at them and before you could even open your mouth, he had swung his fist to strike you across the face.

The rough impact caused blood to spit out of your mouth and onto the wooden floors, coughing it up as you tried to take steady breaths but it was far too difficult.

Levi had finally went up to the station with everyone, trying to reason with the military police and talk to them about the fact that their thoughts on you were completely false.

They had surprisingly let Levi through considering he is a scout but when he got through the area he wasn’t supposed to be in and had seen you in the room, the way you were breathing heavy and the way you face was already beaten to the point where he could barely recognize your face because it was covered it blood- it made him angry.

“Have you even done your actual fucking jobs or have you been beating her this entire fucking time?!” He shouted at them, making you raise your head at the sound of his voice and your heart began to break more if that was even possible.

“We are doing our job, you’re not even supposed to be this far back here. Get his ass out of here.” The mp ordered the guards to drag Levi out and he had looked at you with a pained look, shoving the guards off of him and walking out of the room by himself.

He didn’t want to leave you there but there wasn’t a whole lot he could do except talk to the higher ups and try to prove your innocence to them but that’s a lot harder than it sounds

Throughout the night, the guards didn’t let you sleep one bit. The long hours of them beating you whether it was with a stick, a whip- it didn’t matter. They had even used knives to cut up your skin, they didn’t care- for all they know you were a traitor to them.

The amount of blood that had covered your entire uniform was sick, you could barely even keep your eyes open and handle everything. You stopped crying, you stopped screaming, you were just emotionless.

And inside your head, you had zoned out enough to not think about the pain and think about the harsh beatings they were giving you. It felt like you had changed into a whole completely different person and gave yourself a new mindset from all this torture.

And it took two days.

Two days for Levi to find proof, two days for Levi to run up to the station and slam the proof on their desks along with bringing the scouts for evidence to show them that the people who had stole the Titan serum was no one else but the two Titan shifters, Reiner and Bertholdt.

The way Levi had rushed up to the chair you were still tied in, the rope digging in your skin from how tight it was- leaving dry blood stains from head to toe.

The guards still didn’t feel bad, shit, they still thought you did it but by their boss’ commands- they had to let you go.

Your eyes barely opened when Levi stepped in the room, all you could hear was muffling of voices and a blur of his face come into view.

He wanted to kill them desperately. The way he would enjoy watching his blade slice through their skins like butter but he kept his cool, he kept it together but deep down he wanted to scream at the sight of you. You were awful.

He had scooped you up in his arms, you could barely see his face from the blood but you ended up passing out eventually.

When you had regain consciousness, Levi had barely made it back to the base. All the scouts had looked at you in complete shock and even Armin had shed a few tears while Eren threatened to kill all the MPs.

“Just leave her be for a couple of days guys, she’s in bad shape.” Levi mumbled, he didn’t want to think about it too much- he didn’t want to stare at your bloody state or else it’ll send him off the deep end.

He didn’t know what to do but simply clean you in the bath tub. He had undressed you and sat you in there, making sure to sit you up so you wouldn’t fall. You held onto the edges of the bath, your eyes staring down at the clear water that soon was dark red from your blood.

You remained quiet which worried him, he knew it must’ve been traumatizing but he thought you would at least speak up by now.

“Y/N?” He whispered, running the cloth over your body ever so gently and this is when he got full looks of your wounds.

Deep cuts and slashes on your skin, from your back to your arms and legs. It was painful for him to look at it, he knew you would need stitches for them.

“Will you be okay for a few minutes? I need to go get the first aid.” He stared at you but your eyes stayed on the water, your head tilted down and your eyes barely even blinking.

Levi had sighed, standing up from his spot and left the room to hurry to the infirmary and come back so he can stitch you up himself. While he was gone, your eyes had moved around the bathroom and the bloody cloth he was using to wash you.

Once you had catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you stared at it for what seemed like forever- looking at the cuts that covered your pale body. Soon you started to laugh while tears filled up in your very eyes and even a few slipped down your cheeks as your laugh grew louder.

He had finally walked in the room, looking down at you and had felt a huge weight pin down on his heart. The mixed bloody tears on your cheeks and the laughter coming out of your mouth had him frozen in time until you finally caught his gaze, your laughing coming to a stop and your sobs started leaving your lips.

Levi rushed over, dropping the box and leaned over the tub to hug onto you but not so tight, making sure to watch your wounds. Your sobs had grown so loud that the scouts down the hall heard your crying, the pain escaping your throat was painful to their ears.

“Hey, shhh.” He had tried to comfort you, the guilt he felt had made him want to punch himself for not helping you sooner, it was his fault you were like this.

He stroked your hair back, tilting your head up to look at him fully and he couldn’t help but cry with you. The whimpers that escaped your busted lips had made him want to break down here and now.

“It’s okay, you’re safe.. you’re safe.” He repeated until your breathing had gone back to normal, placing a gentle kiss to your forehead.

He had resumed what he was doing. He grabbed the needle and thread, slowly starting to stitch you up while you silently cried in the tub, the water growing cold as your body ached. He had stitched you up in so many places that he could barely count, they completely went overboard with torturing you and he felt like it was on purpose.

When he finished cleaning off the dry blood off your naked body, he lifted you up and wrapped a towel around you. He watched the dark red water go down the drain and he cursed under his breath at the mess around the bathroom, blood everywhere.

You were silent again, numb to everything you had felt throughout the last few days, emotionless but felt the need to scream again but your throat was dry and empty and sore.

He was careful to dress you in comfortable clothes, mostly his t-shirt and some sweatpants after he made sure to put bandages over your stitches and cuts. He tugged his blankets back, laying you down and tucking you in.

Once your head had hit the pillow, your eyes shut and he sat at the edge brushing his fingers through your hair, watching you for a while.

“I’ll make sure they pay for this, I promise..” He mumbled, more to himself than to you before he pressed a kiss to your bruised cheek.

“I love you.”

Throughout the night he had slept beside you but made sure to keep his distance, he didn’t want to hurt you in any way and he knew you haven’t slept the whole time you’ve kept by the military police.

As you slept, all you dreamt of was nightmares and to you they felt so real. The way they would hit you, it felt like they actually did and when they had walked up to your bloody corpse, leaning down and even threatening to cut off your fingers.

The way their plyers had gripped onto your fingernails as they ripped it out with no remorse- it all felt too real. Your body would shake, jolt and even whimpers would fall from your lips as you slept. It had taken a while for Levi to even wake up from your movements.

“Y/N.” He tried to be as gentle as possible, placing his hand on your arm and that’s when you jolted awake, sitting up and panting.

He had removed his hand when you shot up, hesitating before he reached out for you again and when you felt his fingertips- you flinched hard, looking over at him like he was a stranger.

“It’s me.” He mumbled, your eyes adjusting to the dark and you looked at his pained expression and that made your breathing start to calm down.

“Sorry.” You whispered, wiping the sweat off your forehead and you looked down at your arms wrapped in bandages, seeing the blood start to leak through.

“Don’t be.. do you want to talk about it?”

“No.” You said coldly, moving to lay back down in bed and had your back facing him as you stared at the wall.

Levi wanted to desperately take your pain away, he wish he could trade spots and take all the damage instead. But as he sat there staring down at you for what seemed like an hour, he was afraid of losing you and afraid that you were slowly slipping away from his grasp.

He thought about comforting you, would that even be a safe option? He thought. You flinched at his slight touches and he didn’t want you to become afraid of him, he loved you more than anything.

He decided to scoot closer to you, carefully kissing the back of your head and rested his hand on a safe part of your upper arm, making you tense underneath his touch.

“Look, I know what you went through was traumatic.. believe me but please don’t push me away, I can’t lose you.” He said softly, making your eyes water instantly from the flashbacks that flooded your head, every slap, kick, punch, everything.

“Levi,”

“I just want you to be able to talk to me, you’re not alone, at all.”

“I know.” You simply said, not knowing what else to really say about the situation. You were beaten senseless, out of pure hatred, it changed you.

You decided to gently turn over to face him, scrunching up your nose at the pain that followed as you moved. Your eyes looked at his, your bruised face had made his heart hurt more than he could explain.

As you two sat there staring at one another, you carefully brought your weak hand up to caress his cheek and rubbed your thumb over his skin slowly.

He leaned his face more into your hand, the most affection he has gotten out of you and even then, you hesitated, you wanted to pull away. You didn’t want to be touched, talked to, you wanted to be left alone but you had to think about Levi’s feelings too and what he did for you.

“Thank you, for everything.” You mumbled, making his eyes instantly move to look at yours with a hint of hope in them.

“No need to thank me.”

“But I want to, for cleaning me up and trying to support me.. can I be honest with you?”

“Of course.”

You sat there for a moment, trying to think of a better way to put everything and you sighed, your lips pressing into a thin line and even that had made the pain shoot through your busted lips.

“I just- I’m not comfortable speaking about the details but what I will say is, I’m not the same.”

“Ive noticed.” He whispered, moving his hand to brush the strands of your hair back from your face and he gave you a weak smile.

“No matter what, Y/N, I’m here.. to love you, to take care of you, all of it. You’re not getting rid of me so easily.” This time you cracked a smile, squishing his cheeks playfully as you leaned over to press a quick kiss to his lips but even that caused you pain in your body.

“I love you, Lev.”

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Soooo idk whether to make a part 2

But if I was, I was thinking of the reader going crazy from the traumatic experiences and even going as far as to killing the guards in cold blood— no one knowing who did it except Levi. Blah blah.

Tell me what you think

Also this one is longer and I’m actually glad and proud how it turned out. So this is why I wanna start pacing myself, it turns out better that way❤️ but my requests are ALWAYSSSSS open, just be patient with me. Mwah. Ps, if you read all that, I love you.

• Main Masterlist •

• AOT Masterlist •

( tag list: @levis-odm-gear )

[lumienyx]

Writing prompt: “Your magic makes me feel safe.” for Handers <3

Come Morning Light

Pairing: Anders/Male Hawke | Rating: T | Word Count: 1827

Summary: "Fear," Hawke said, "and Despair. I think. They won't leave me alone. I can't... everybody dies. Keeps dying. And I can't do shit about it. I never can. You..." Hawke couldn't quite bring himself to say it. Couldn't share the pain of it—he never could—and as always, Anders didn't pressure him.

"Love, it's going to be all right," Anders promised instead, and Hawke couldn't pretend to believe him. Not now. Not as he was. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here."

But not for long.

Not forever, because Anders could never promise him that.

TW: possible suicidal ideation

A/N: I’m so sorry :”) Just. Please forgive me. It all started bc I thought well, there’s tons of fics with Hawke comforting Anders but not enough of fics with it the other way around so why not write something like this BUT I DIDN’T ANTICIPATE SO MUCH ANGST :0 (with a happy-ish ending tho!!) I hope you still likey... meow >.>

🎶 Safe and Sound —  Sam Tsui & Kurt Hugo Schneider

Read on AO3 or below the cut!

@dadrunkwriting​

~

In the Fade tonight, Hawke watched Bethy's sweet, radiant smile turn into a twisted grimace the moment the monster's Blight-rotten hand closed around her throat.

His own throat was scraped raw from silent screams he never heard but felt them—visceral, and raw, and painful, tearing through his entire being as he stood there, watching. Helpless. Paralyzed with terror. Gulping down the tears that kept on falling.

In the Fade tonight, Hawke couldn't save Carver from the Blight. Lost in the darkness of the deepest roads underground, he called for Anders who was nowhere to be found. He carried his brother through red fog and over mires of darkspawn corpses, searching for Grey Wardens and only finding bones, lifeless bodies, and decay. He fell to his knees and held Carver close, rocking back and forth like he used to, back when he was the all-grown-up child lulling the twins to sleep with a song barely discernable against their insistent crying.

Carver wasn't crying now. Simply smiling, the smile a fragile, broken thing, trembling lips tinged with blood and framed by black veins spread out all over his face, over his skin, pulsing with the lullaby of death.

Garrett couldn't breathe when Carver took his final breath, suffocated by sobs that tore through his chest painfully enough to rival the excruciatingly constricting thump-thump of his racing heart.

It wasn't supposed to happen this way.

Was it?

It couldn't be.

"This isn't—" Hawke tried.

Tried and failed to will the vision away and succeeded only in summoning a more recent horror.

"...real."

In the Fade tonight, his mother stood before him on quivering knees, bones showing through knit-together skin, dusty, and pale, and bloodied.

"Garrett," she—it creaked, staggering closer as Hawke reeled away, his back hitting the cold stone wall of the tomb they now stood in, "my little, weak boy," the space getting smaller and smaller as the thing-that-was-not-his-mother crumpled to its knees and continued its journey towards him, crawling now through a floor littered with detached limbs and torn entrails, "such a disappointment."

"Stop."

"Such a waste."

"Please—" There was no way out. Only darkness. Only it. "Stop—"

"I never loved you."

"STOP!"

Hawke fought through the numbness and forced his mana outwards in a burst of blinding electricity, banishing the apparition, toppling the walls, submerging the darkness in blinding white—

Only to come face to face with Anders' blank expression and empty eyes. Blinking measured, steady. Back straight as it never was, posture stiff and still, no hint of Anders' usual fidgeting.

"Hawke." A voice so perfectly emotionless. But still his. "I did tell you to kill me. If they'd ever make me Tranquil."

Hawke's hands shook, and his legs were all but giving out. With tremendous effort, he took a few steps back—and there was everywhere and anywhere to run in the spacious meadow that he recognized as the first place he and Anders had ever found themselves alone together, all those years back when tentative friendship simmered with something that turned out to be so much more. That turned out to be everything—

And in the Fade tonight, Hawke's everything was taken away.

The few steps he managed made no difference, and Anders was still there, so close and yet the furthest distance away, so familiar and yet a stranger that wouldn't—couldn't hear Hawke's whispered,

"Love, please."

"But I have no desire to die." Not-Anders went on, staring at his hands with a slight frown. Run, run, run, Hawke's mind screamed, stay, stay, STAY, the Fade seemed to command. "Hawke." Anders—Not-Anders looked up at Garrett, gaze sparking with the barest sheen of confusion. Hawke couldn't turn away, even when he did. The sunburst, and cloudy eyes, and Anders' chest pierced with the sharp end of Hawke's staff were right there before him no matter where he turned, no matter where he tried to run. "Why would you kill me?"

"No." Running was pointless. Closing his eyes changed nothing. Screaming only made Anders' voice louder, only made blankly spoken words of blame a roar of thunder in his mind, all-encompassing and damning. "NO!"

I would never.

"But you did."

This isn't real.

"It will be."

I'll keep you safe.

"Just like you did everyone else?"

STOP!

"Stop!" Hawke screamed.

"Stop—" the scream died in his throat as he awoke, chest heaving with rasping breaths, his whole body shivering from much more than the chill of sweat.

Hawke stumbled out of bed, not quite making it to the window and instead slumping to the floor and curling into himself, arms embracing his knees as he tried, and failed, and tried, and failed again to take a deeper breath. To blink the tears away, to cease the pathetic whimpers escaping his throat. Evidence of his weakness. The result of the misery he himself caused. Because he could have been faster, and he should have been stronger, and then he wouldn't have to carry the blame, and the fear, and the loneliness.

It took him a while to blink away those tears—and the remnants of the visions that still clawed at his mind through the Veil.

It took him a longer while to see it—the room, his and Anders' room. The faintest rays of burgeoning morning light trickling through the window. Not quite safe—never safe, in this city ripe with blood and subjugation—but quiet. Peaceful.

It took a yet longer while to hear the voice whispering words of comfort in his ear. To feel the hands rubbing his back and massaging his arms from behind, to feel the gentle pull of Anders' mana, the familiar energy of it weaving in coils of humming warmth to untangle the ragged chaos of Hawke's own.

"It was just a dream, love."

"I'm here."

"Everything's going to be all right."

But...

Barely anything was, at this point.

Hawke stayed silent, focusing on his breathing, forcing the fear that gripped him still, tight as a vice, to quell. Hesitant, he craned his neck to get a glimpse of his lover, and only the sight of a forehead free of the brand and marred only by frown lines made him sigh in relief.

Safe.

Alive.

Here.

(For now.)

"I'm sorry."

"There's no need to apologize, love."

"This is, what, the third time tonight?"

Anders hugged him tighter, his magic warm, so warm, so close. So soft as it hummed against Hawke's skin that he allowed himself to melt into the embrace, just a little.

"It doesn't matter."

"Doesn't it?" Hawke snapped. "I can't—I'm a fucking mess, Anders."

"So?"

"So..." Hawke sighed, closed his eyes, then quickly opened them when the darkness yielded to more flashes of the nightmare. Of Anders not quite dead, yet gone. "So nothing."

"Love?"

"Fear," Hawke said, "and Despair. I think. They won't leave me alone. I can't... everybody dies. Keeps dying. And I can't do shit about it. I never can. You..." Hawke couldn't quite bring himself to say it. Couldn't share the pain of it—he never could—and as always, Anders didn't pressure him.

"Love, it's going to be all right," Anders promised instead, and Hawke couldn't pretend to believe him. Not now. Not as he was. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm here."

But not for long.

Not forever, because Anders could never promise him that.

Because Hawke couldn't save him, just like he couldn't the rest of his family. Because even with Carver alive and with the Wardens, it's the younger Hawke set to die first because of the slow but unrelenting corruption. Because Garrett would likely lose Anders to the Taint sooner than to any templar's cruelty.

There was nothing he could do about it.

No more books left in his or any blasted libraries in this Maker-forsaken city to seek answers from.

No Tevene scholars, or Avvar nomads, or immortal Warden magi offering any answers that didn't involve blood magic and violent sacrifice.

No miracles, no hope.

He was so tense, all over, muscles locked in knots and old wounds tugging at his skin with phantom pains. The wide scar on his chest, from the Arishok's blade, seemed to prickle, and Hawke caught himself wondering, for the split flash of a second, if it would have been best, had he never survived that duel.

(Why do you get to live and I don't, Bethy had accused him in an earlier dream. He could come up with no reason good enough, only pathetic pleas to stop and ever more pathetic sobs when he failed to escape the twisted dreamscape.)

He was so fucking weak, and yet—

The tension did slip from his limbs, bit by bit, and the darker thoughts lightened as Anders began spinning a story, wild, and exciting, and bit ridiculous, as all his stories of his time adventuring with Hawke's cousin usually were. It was a familiar one, about Amell's disastrous attempt to tame an injured dragonling, much to Anders' annoyance. Two days and three nights spent healing it and training it to eat from Amell's hand without biting it off—and still, it ended up crying for and summoning its mother, much to Anders' total exasperation.

Anders' mana flared and sizzled whenever he got riled up, and Hawke couldn't help but press closer to him, all but using Anders' chest as a pillow and his mana as a blanket as they ended up lying on the floor, entangled, the bed and sleep forgotten for the while.

Tears were forgotten, too, as Anders' fervent complaining about his best friend's lack of brain matter inevitably made Hawke laugh.

Anders stopped in his tracks, a flash of surprise on his face, then promptly captured his smile with a kiss, soft and lingering. The sweetness of it a blissful reprieve from the crippling fear.

"Feeling better, love?" Anders murmured against Hawke's lips.

"Mm." Hawke nuzzled into his neck, trying to get as close as possible to the comforting warmth that was Anders' magic, that was Anders himself. "You magic—it makes me feel safe."

Another flare of the tingling heat of creationism followed the admission, as did another kiss, a gentle press of lips to the top of Hawke's head.

"You are safe," Anders said, and shallow as Garrett's smile still was, he found it in himself to pretend to believe him this time. He pressed feather-light kisses against Anders' neck, feeling the heartbeat there, breathing in the familiar scent of elfroot and the sharp, lyrium-like tang of the Fade.

Real.

Alive.

Here.

"We both are," Anders whispered.

Hawke chuckled darkly. "For now."

Anders carded a hand through Hawke's hair. Tender, comforting. "For now," he echoed, because Anders couldn't promise him forever.

But morning came, and so did yet another day with Anders beside him, both of them free still in a city of tightening chains.

And Maker damn it all, Hawke would fight for and cherish however long they'd get to have.

~

Thank you for the read💙 Feedback is very much appreciated :3

[dralf0yy]

Come Back || G.W x Reader

A/N: This is really just based off some scenes from Descendants 3 that i thought was a lil angsty🤡 and it’s kind of an AU? Where like the muggleborns were separated from the purebloods by a barrier across the black lake instead of VKs and Royals

Summary: Y/n Y/l/n is a muggleborn witch who has trouble with fitting in. She finds an old potions book and one potion seems to catch her eye. It worked, but as they say, ‘All good things must come to an end’

Warnings: Swearing (not too bad tho)

Word count: 2.5k

Masterlist

For many centuries, muggleborn and pureblood (and halfblood) wizards and witches were separated by a barrier, just by the edge of the lake.

Purebloods got the perfect life at Hogwarts while we muggleborns, or ‘mudbloods’ as they would say, got left to live and go to school in the ruins of the previous wizarding war across the lake. It was all like that up until you and your small group of friends were chosen to attend Hogwarts. You thought the negativity in your life would cease

But you thought wrong

People still didn’t accept you due to your muggle parents being the ones to almost expose the entire wizarding world. The muggleborns didn’t appreciate the fact that their families had to be obliviated because of that but they came around eventually.

Unfortunately, it was a bit harder for the purebloods, and you didn’t fit in at Hogwarts. The Y/L/N name wasn’t very popular around the wizarding world since the incident

But when you met George Weasley and his siblings, they welcomed you like they had known you forever, despite the fact that you were a Slytherin, and you grew close

You and George started dating 6 months after you came to Hogwarts but you kept it a secret until the completion of the 1st year.

But things just got worse from there. More people would just send you dirty glares or whisper things about you in the halls because they think you put him under some spell

Everyone seemed to have a thing against you, even the professors. Snape even gave you detention this afternoon and took away 30 points, despite him being your head of house, for talking out of turn

*

You were just about to finish organising the books in Snape’s dusty old cupboard when one fell wide open onto the floor

You picked it up and glanced at the description of the potion on the page.

‘makes the affected become under the influence of having a platonic liking for the brewer. This will only work if they aren’t already like that’

Your eyes went wide. You had found a solution to all your problems (most of them anyway) in this book that belonged to the ‘Halfblood Prince’.

You shrugged, ignoring the name of someone who must’ve been some self-absorbed git, and folded the corner of the page to bookmark it

You went back to organising the last of the books and bolted out of there towards the girls’ lavatory on the 2nd floor, which you learned no one went into cause of Moaning Myrtle, with the worn out potions book in your clutch

You had arrived in such a hurry and had startled Myrtle upon your arrival but you were too focused on gathering your equipment to listen to her annoying rambling

You collected your things from the 2nd to last stall and began brewing the potion whilst thinking of a way to bribe the house elves to put it in the food for the feast

The substance in the cauldron started to boil and bubble up. You carefully poured some into a somewhat large dropper bottle and cleaned up your things.

You shoved the old potions book into my bag without thinking and walked out and towards the entrance to the kitchens

*

It worked!

It had been around a day since you managed to get the potion in everyone’s food

You were walking down the corridor whilst looking for a particular mop of red hair to spend your free period with and noticed that you weren’t receiving the usual negative remarks, but instead friendly glances and soft smiles

You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn’t notice a certain redhead sneaking up behind you

An arm wrapped around you and a hand went over your eyes. You jumped being obviously startled but giggled when you realised that it was just George

“Hey Georgie, lost your other head have you?” You teased as he retracted and made his way around to your side

He chuckled, “Fred’s with Lee, they’re scheming”

“And you aren’t involved? Bit suspicious isn’t it?” You playfully narrowed your eyes

“Oh don’t be so anxious, love. I just wanted to spend some time with you out by the lake. I heard that someone has a little something set up there for someone very special. Oh and of course there’s you” He snorted while you smacked his arm

You rolled your eyes, “Well come on then, wouldn’t want it getting ruined by some reckless first years now would we?”

“Well of course not-”

“LAST ONE THERE IS A BOGEY FLAVOURED BEAN!” You yelled and sprinted backwards out the doors, so you could look at George

“HEY THAT’S NOT FAIR, I WASN’T READY- WOAH” he loudly whined while he tripped over a sketchy looking patch of grass, landing face first onto the ground

You cackled at the sight and fell onto the damp ground, clutching your stomach. George looked up at you from where his face was just buried with a small playful grimace lingering on his face

He walked over to your shaking figure and picked you up and threw you over his shoulder and you shrieked

“George you git put me down! I’m not a sack of potatoes” You wheezed out

“I will when we get to where the stuff is set up”

It wasn’t long until he set you down onto a soft, yellow and white spotted mat with your favourite food and sweets laying on top.

Your mouth was agape and George gave you a lopsided grin that was full of love and adoration

The playful atmosphere dissipated as you stared into each other’s eyes

“This is beautiful Georgie, but what’s it for?” You breathed out, almost too quiet for anyone to hear

“Well, I noticed how everyone has started to be a lot nicer towards you and I just wanted to show you how proud I was of you. Even though you had nothing to do with it,” George smiled, “Besides being the most amazing person ever” he continued

“Hm, such a suck up, Mr.Weasley. I’m starting to think ol’ weatherby is a bad influence on you” You teased and he softly chuckled, going on with his little speech

“I just.. I know how hard it was for you to cope with all the bullying and I’m especially proud of you for not giving into everyone’s bullshit.”

You shifted your gaze down at the mat and played with the hem of your jumper

A thing you did when you were keeping a secret or lying

“I didn’t seem to notice actually,”

Lies

“But now that you mention it, yeah, everyone has been nicer recently” You smiled and George sheepishly beamed back at you

“Anyways, back to the picnic,” George gave a wide cheeky grin, “Let’s dig in, I’m starving” He exclaimed and rubbed his hands together

You snorted at his childlike behaviour coming back whilst he dug into a fried chicken leg

*

You were absolutely stuffed, and judging by the way that George was splayed out on the mat, he was too.

There was a comfortable silence, besides students chatting and laughing in the small distance, until George sat up and blurted out,

“I just remembered! I have something to give you. It’s in my bag” You snickered

He got up and started going through his bag when realisation dawned over you

his bag was under your head

You abruptly sat up in horror remembering the potions book that you carelessly threw in there, “George wait that’s my-”

“What the- I don’t take potions. This must be yours” He gives you a sheepish smile and you let out a breath that you didn’t even realise you were holding in when he went to put the book away

He stopped his actions and mischievously smirked

“Ooh, bookmarked a page have you? Must be interesting then” He smirked and opened the book to the page it was bookmarked at

Your sense of relief was gone once again and you froze, scared of how he would react

His face contorted into a confused expression as he read out, “makes the affected become under the influence of having a platonic liking for the brewer..?”

Your heart felt like it was breaking out of your rib cage

“Y/n what.. Did you use this?” His eyes snapped up from the page to look at you

“I-no. Yes- maybe?” You couldn’t think straight. Your mind was getting clouded with doubtful thoughts

‘What if he breaks up with me?’

‘Will he hate me?’

“Y/n!” You flinched a bit at the sudden noise

“Are you even paying attention to me?” George huffed when you shook your head

“I was saying that you could get expelled for this,” he started to raise his voice, “What the bloody hell were you thinking?!” You flinched again, this time a bit more obvious than the last

“George.. please don’t yell at me- I meant well— You know that” You pleaded

“That doesn’t mean it wasn’t stupid, Y/n-” You cut him off when you snatched the book from his clutch

You had enough and you snapped

“This doesn’t concern you, George. I had to do this. You wouldn’t understand, you’ve got a perfect life because you’re a pureblood” You stood up and grabbed the remainder of your stuff

George sighed, “I don’t know if you’ve realised, Y/n, the reason we took you in was because we were like you- are like you. We weren’t accepted by everyone because we’re not as rich as every other pureblood family. We knew how it felt so we took you in. Blood status doesn’t matter. And it would be bloody great when you realise that” he retorted

“Me? The reason I used that potion was because all people see me as is a muggleborn,”

A mudblood

A burden

A waste of space

“And I don’t know if you’ve realised, George, no one cares if you’re not as wealthy as the other pureblood families. The only people that really seem to have something against you are the people in my house. I’ve got them and the rest of the bloody school to deal with” You seethed at the redhead, whose face and neck had gone maroon from the anger building up inside him

You couldn’t handle being around anyone, especially George, so you ran. You ran as fast as you could and you were gonna keep going to until you bumped into Hermione, your best friend

Meanwhile, George had stomped back to the Gryffindor common room whilst muttering, “I can’t believe I trusted her. Probably has me under some spell like everyone else says”

Fred was sitting on one of the lounges playing a game of exploding snap with Ron, when he noticed George’s irritated demeanour

“What’s got your wand in a knot, Georgie? Troubles in paradise?” He teased, earning an unsatisfied huff from George

“Shove off, Fred” he retorted

“Ah so I was right. What seems to be the problem my dear brother” Fred calmly asked in contrast to George’s snappy behaviour

George sighed and frustratedly ran his hand through his soft hair, “Y/n put a potion in everyone’s food to make them like her. I trusted her Fred. I can’t even believe she had the nerve to put that into everyone’s food. What was she thinking?! It was reckless and stupid,” He paced and rambled

“It’s typical of her though. It’s what muggleborns would do-”

“-That’s too far George. You know muggleborns aren’t any different from us. She’s our best friend and your girlfriend. And so what if she put this one potion into everyone’s food? All she wanted was to finally stop getting bullied, it didn’t harm anyone” Fred sighed

“We put potions in people’s food for pranks and it doesn’t always turn out right. Yet, I don’t see Y/n getting mad at you and possibly ending your relationship because of it”

George scoffed, “You know I hate it when you’re right”

“All the more reason to be, Georgie. Now go you git. Find your girl” And with that, George bolted out of the portrait hole, out into the castle to find you

“I just don’t get it ‘Mione.. I thought out of all people, he would understand. But he didn’t understand at all and lashed out on me” You frowned and sat down on the grass by the edge of the lake

“Y/n.. George just doesn’t want anything bad happening, especially to you. He loves you and he doesn’t want you getting sent back over there anytime soon” Hermione begrudgingly replied, not entirely wanting to favour George over you

You didn’t say anything back, you just stared blankly at the other side of the lake thinking of going back. Maybe, just maybe, things would be much easier and better if you went back.

Better for George

He wouldn’t have to be burdened with having you around and having to be anxious about you slipping potions into food or be worried about being seen with you; A mudblood.

“He doesn’t have to worry about me getting sent back,” Hermione peered up from her book, intrigued by your response

“Because I won’t be sent back. I’ll be willingly going back. I don’t belong here, and I was stupid to believe that I wasn’t just a stupid mudblood. I was stupid to believe that anyone would ever really accept me here.” You spat and your anger and sadness resurfaced

“You’re planning on going back? What about our life here? I- What?” She stammered, unsure on what to do about your decision

“It’d be better for everyone else. I love you ‘Mione and I’ll miss you but I’m going back-”

“Well then I’m going with you.” She stood up and started to gather her books

“No, Hermione, I know how badly you wanted to come here to fulfill your dreams. I won’t let you throw all that away for me”

She looked at you with a solemn expression and sighed. She sat back down on the grass and looked up at you as if she expected you to sit with her

You resumed your place in the lush grass and leaned against her shoulder, “I’m gonna miss you y’know, but if this is the decision that you want to make then, I’ll support you all the way. We’ll tell McGonagall tomorrow” Hermione mumbled as you both looked out to the giant squid in the lake

“Don’t tell anyone else, please? I don’t want anyone to know that I’m leaving..” You trailed off as the reality of your decision was finally sinking in

“I won’t. Just promise me you’ll come back? Because you most definitely belong here, Hogwarts is for all witches and wizards, pureblood or not”

“I promise.”

********

Tags: @paigeyisme @slytherinlovesgryffindor @cleopatera

A/N: SO THIS TOOK SO LONG TO WRITE I’M SO SORRY AND IT’S A LITTLE BIT ALL OVER THE PLACE BUT I HOPE YOU GUYS ENJOY!

- E

[rexcoatlarchive]

Come back to me

A very interesting idea I had, inspired by a horror game somewhat.

After the lostbelts were over with Mash went on to live a mostly normal life in Japan with her other senpais. She had lost her servant powers but was still a relatively skilled fighter. She kept contact with her oldest senpai Rex too. But recently for some reason no one had been able to contact him. No phone calls or texts or emails or anything.

Eventually Mash did receive a text, it was from his number but she could tell it wasn't his words.

Text: help your senpai... come to Mexico. Please. Come alone

Mash knew something was wrong so she decided to go see what happened.

When she arrived at Rex and Quetz's home , during a storm, it was a wreck. Windows shattered, roof partially missing. Something went wrong.

Mash, busting open the door: senpai! Are you in here?!

She didn't hear anything.

Mash: where are you? Senpai!

Eventually a voice was heard from another room

???: Mash?! What are you doing here?

Mash: senpai, I got a message from your phone.

Rex: what?! How the hell?

Eventually Rex came out to meet Mash. He was a wreck. His clothes torn, his face had a long unkempt beard. He looked like he gone crazy

Mash: senpai? What happened to you?

Rex: ...I lost her

Mash: Quetzalcoatl? What happened? How?

Rex: I-I rather not talk about it. I've been trying to get her back for so long now.

Mash: ...how? Without Chaldea or a grail you can't summon a servant so easily.

Rex: ...come with me, I'll show you.

They went upstairs to the attic, passing by a broken door. What Mash saw was a horrid sight. Skeletons all over the place. Pictures of the couple all over, tho most were damaged. And in the center was a bloody magic circle with an altar nearby and Rex's catalyst. Along with the dress Quetz wore on their wedding day.

Mash: ...senpai... what have you been doing?

Mash was horrified by what she saw. What happened to her senpai? Did losing the love of his life damage him so much? Could this also have come from the stress of having to protect the world from before?

Rex: I NEED her Mash. There's been foolish mages snooping about lately. No doubt because the bounded field went down after I lost her.

The former master talked like he was deranged but also in a very sad manner aswell. It was clear he had gone off the deep end.

Rex: mages are a very good source of mana. So I've been using them to slowly collect enough to get her back again.

Mash: senpai this isn't right! You can't do this just because she's gone. I'm sorry for your loss but you can't go around d killing people.

Rex: I don't care! I NEED her! She was my everything! My entire world! Now she's gone!

Rex: ...you know. I even contemplated ending me myself to maybe get back to her. The only reason I don't is because it would break her heart.

Mash: senpai what you're doing now would break her heart! You really think she wants to see you in this state?

Rex got a funny look in his eye, as if he just realized something. Something he shouldn't have.

Rex: ...y'know. You must have a decent amount of mana yourself.

Mash: ...what are you saying?

Rex: you were made to hold a servant, you had one in you for the longest time. You even became your own servant essentially later on. I'm sure the amount of mana you hold would be more then enough to finally help get her back.

Mash: senpai! Stop! You don't know what you're saying

Rex: I know exactly what I'm saying. Won't you help your sen-

But before he could finish, Mash knocked him down with the broken door from earlier. He was unconscious.

Mash: I'm sorry senpai. But you're not thinking straight.

Then out of nowhere she heard a sound from her phone

Mash: huh? *looking at her phone*

???: hello? Is this working?

Mash: BB?

BB: hello Mash. Long time no see.

Mash: what are you doing in my phone?

BB: I put myself in from Senpai's devices.

Mash: huh? You were with him?

BB: kind of, after everything ended I decided to follow him. Make his life easier while still being able to bully him a bit. He never knew it was me tho. I just pretended to be Siri or Alexa or whatever.

Mash: so you essentially reincared but as a simple ai?

BB: basically. But now I need your help to help our senpai.

Mash: did you send me that message?

BB: yup. It took forever since most devices have been damaged by lightning. For some reason it's been storming way more often lately.

Mash: what do you want me to do?

BB: first off, you need to put senpai away for the time being. He'll only make things more difficult.

After Mash tied him up she locked him into his room.

Mash: now what's the plan?

BB: what he intended to do but in a not so bloody fashion.

Mash: how exactly?

BB: I actually had something we could use hidden a bit away from the house.

Mash: really?!

BB: yeah, but thanks to same damage I couldn't tell senpai. And even now, he's so far gone I don't know how helpful he'll be to himself.

Mash: what do you have that can help?

BB: the last grail from our time at Chaldea.

Mash: seriously?! How the hell?

BB: it pays to think things ahead. I intended to use it to help get back to the mooncell when Senpai passed but this is an emergency.

Mash: what about when that does happen?

BB: we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

Mash; why help anyways?

BB: silly Mash, the same reason you're helping. I care about Senpai. I just show it differently. But now's not the time for these things.

Eventually Mash was outside digging up the hidden grail. It was locked in a box with a code.

Mash: it's locked.

BB: to keep it safe from mages. If they got their hands on it who know what would happen.

Mash: what's the code?

BB: 1231

Mash, trying it out: got it! There's the grail.

BB: great! Now to get back to the circle

Then the earth shakes

Mash: what the hell?

???: MASH!!!!

Mash: senpai?!

Rex?: get back here! I still need your mana!

BB: oh no! I didn't think he'd go that far.

Mash: what do you mean?

BB: senpai never fully got rid of his pseudo-servant powers. He and Quetz just locked them away. But he unlocked them again ever since he lost her.

Mash: really?!

BB: yeah, it's how he's been killing the magi in the first place

Cipatli Rex: MASH!!!

Mash: we gotta get back before he finds us

BB: cut through the forest. It's thick enough he might not see you so easily.

Mash: ok!

Mash ran through the nearby forest in an attempt to get to the house without getting caught by the monster that was her senpai.

Cipatli Rex: get over here! Why won't you help me!?

Mash eventually made it to the house, it seemed the storm was raging even more all of a sudden.

Finally she made it to the attic, tho it seemed Rex figured out where she was.

Cipatli Rex: I'll get her back! No matter who I have to sacrifice!

BB: hurry! Start the ritual before he gets here!

Mash: on it!

Mash was ready to start the ritual, only for some bad luck to appear. Lightning struck and ended up destroying the catalyst and starting a small fire.

Mash: NO! The catalyst!

As she says this she stomps out the flames.

BB: now how do we summon her?!

Mash: there's still a chance she could come!

BB: but we could end up with someone else! Maybe even someone who would make things worse. We need another catalyst!

Mash: wait a minute! The wedding dress!

BB: oh yeah! That'll do it!

Mash: this probably has even stronger attachment to her then the feathe ever did.

Mash placed the dress at the center of the circle. Starting up the ritual. As the circle starts up Rex finally busts in

Cipatli Rex: there we are!! Wait, you started it up! How?

Mash: that's not important right now!

The summoning ritual starts up, the pillar of light forming, showing the rider class card.

Rex reverted back to his normal self. With the hope of finally seeing his wife again

The light subsided and there she was.

Quetz: mi amor? What happened to you?

Rex broke down, hugging her the tightest he possibly could.

Rex: you're here! You're finally here! It's been so painful without you!

Quetz: it's ok, everything's going to be ok.

Eventually, Rex was taken to therapy. His mental state was still shattered and he needed time to recover. But with Quetz back, he could start the path to recovery.

Rex: ...I did terrible things. I felt empty without her. I was so desperate to be with her again, no sacrifice was too much.

Kiara: hmmm, it seems that maybe losing her was the breaking point after having to endure the trauma you faced while saving the world.

Rex: you think so?

Kiara: she had always been your biggest comfort, so her loss must've been too much and without help you snapped. But don't worry, we'll work to get you in a better place.

A/N: so like I said at the beginning this was inspired partly by a horror game. This story is a kind of what if scenario, this isn't canon with the main events of the RexCoatl timelines. But it was still very interesting to explore.

Nonfunctional tags

@hasereshdoneanythingwrong @hasishtardoneanythingwrong @haspaulbunyandoneanythingwrong @hasspartacusdoneanythingwrong @hasabbydoneanythingwrong @hasastolfodoneanythingwrong @castlecsejtespeakertechnician @panyum @grievouslyxorvia @valiantstrawberrymilk @hassanofthefrostedmuffins @exmeowstic

[dudeandduchess]

Why....Why did I read the Demon Train Arc?! I MUST drop it after anime-ending...Holy...Can I ask you to write a story where Rengoku was brought at Butterfly Est. after battle with Akasa, but, unfortunately there is no way to save him. And he talks to his wife one last time before his death. Please, make it painful! Much more! I am sure after that kind of pain, I will be able to see the film!

Hey hey, bby! I know how you feel. I didn’t leave my house for three days after I read that. But the rest of the manga is really, really good, so please don’t drop it after the anime ending. 

Hope you like this one tho. Another anon asked for something really similar, but with the Kamaboko gang, so I included them. UwU

Also, this was written while listening to Save Myself and Soon You’ll Get Better.

***

Kyōjurō x F!S/O: Last Goodbye (SFW Scenario):

Warnings: Character Death, Mentions of Blood, Angst, Sad Ending

The moment that the crow came with the news, (Y/n) had dropped all of her duties for the day and headed to the Butterfly Estate.

On the way, however, her heart raced constantly inside her chest; all while her tears threatened to spill from her eyes. She felt like she was already dying, what with the all-consuming pain that made her want to stop and just wrap her arms around herself.

Because, no matter how hard she wished otherwise, she would have to get used to being the one who held herself together.

After that day, she would have to go on living with the harrowing pain that losing her husband entailed. It was something that she wasn’t ready to face; even if he had told her years before to always be ready to let him go at a moment’s notice.

Losing him would be like losing a part of herself. She just knew that she would never be the same after that day.

Still, she put on a brave façade and willed her legs to go faster. Because she wasn’t sure if, as it was, she was going to make it to Kyōjurō while he was still alive.

She had never been religious before, but she found herself sending up a long string of prayers to all the gods up in heaven. It was one last desperate attempt to plead for Kyōjurō’s life, but still... no answer came.

As she had expected.

***

The entire Butterfly Estate was silent as (Y/n) raced up the steps to the infirmary. She had been there on more than one occasion, so she didn’t bother knocking or calling someone to guide her up there.

With each step she took, the heavier her heart grew in her chest. And by the time that she was outside the room that her husband was in, her entire body felt so stiff and frozen. The tips of her fingers felt numb, and the tears that she had been trying so hard to hold back burst forth with an involuntary sob.

She wanted to compose herself before he saw her— as she didn’t want his last memory of her to be of her crying her heart out. But that seemed inevitable, as more and more tears rolled down her face.

As it was, her heart felt like it was slowly breaking inside her— with every piece crumbling into nothingness the moment it broke off. So, in a desperate effort to ease the pain she felt, she placed a hand on top of where her heart resided, and clutched the area tightly— to no avail.

She was so scared of having to face tomorrow without Kyōjurō, but she had to.

“Oh, (Y/n),” Shinobu’s light and airy voice cut through her heartbroken sobs, just as the petite woman’s arms wrapped around her in a hug.

(Y/n) couldn’t even bring herself to hug her back; that was how numb her body was.

“He’s been waiting for you,” The younger woman stated softly, before pulling away from her friend and wiping her tears away with the pads of her thumbs. “He doesn’t... he doesn’t have very long, so you should go.”

With that, (Y/n) nodded her thanks at Shinobu, then steeled herself right before she entered the small room.

Three other Slayers— whom she knew to be Tanjirō, Zenitsu, and Inosuke— stood at one corner. All of them kept wiping their tears, as they gazed on at the fallen Hashira.

And when her gaze swept over her husband’s supine form on the bed, she couldn’t help but desperately hold back the loud sobs that wanted to escape her lips. Her chest hurt so much with the effort, and her vision blurred so badly with the influx of new tears, but she told herself to be strong.

One foot in front of the other, in slow and hesitant steps, she drew closer and closer to Kyōjurō. His eyes were closed and his face looked so serene, that it felt like a punch to (Y/n)’s gut.

He was clearly suffering, judging by the wound that was barely being covered by the bloody blanket, yet he didn’t show any indication of it. Because, just like her, he was forcing himself to be strong.

“Kyōjurō,” (Y/n) called softly, as she gently sat down beside her husband and touched the tip of his nose with her fingertip. “Wake up, goshujin-sama. I’m here.”

It took a while, but the Flame Hashira eventually opened his eyes; only to sport the brightest smile he could muster when he saw his wife sitting next to him.

“Come here. Lay down next to me,” He implored softly, before he lifted a hand to weakly tug at (Y/n)’s forearm.

At that, the young woman gingerly moved to snuggle against his side. She carefully used his arm as a pillow, while her right hand pressed flush against the top of his chest; right above where the blood stained the blanket.

She could feel his heart beating very slowly, and the inevitable chance of his death made more and more tears pour from her eyes. So, she closed them and pressed her face against the side of Kyōjurō’s chest; if only to feel his warmth one last time.

In her desperation, however, she began spouting nonsensical promises and ideologies; as if those would tempt him into keeping on fighting. “Please, Kyō... we’ll paint the house red like you wanted. We can even decorate with those daruma dolls that you have around the house... just... please don’t leave me.”

A short laugh escaped the Hashira’s lips at that, which was followed by a pained grunt, as well as a hefty sigh. “I wish I could stay forever with you, (Y/n). But we’ve talked about this. You have to take care of yourself, alright? Take your medicine everyday, and drink that special tea I got for you... since I won’t be around to remind you to do those things anymore.”

A heart wrenching sob from (Y/n) reverberated off the walls at that statement, and she burrowed closer into Kyōjurō’s side, as her desperation increased. She wanted to keep talking to him, but her cries and sobs prevented her from doing so.

But, no matter how excruciating her emotional pain was, it was dulled down by Kyōjurō’s sturdy hand that gently patted her hair. “If you get lonely, you can always talk to Senjurō. He’s going to need you as well; now more than ever. And...”

A pained grunt cut the Hashira off, yet he pushed past the pain and continued, “When your heart is ready, I want you to find a man who’s a hundred times better than me, and let him love you. Because you deserve all of that and more, my love.”

Kyōjurō chuckled once more, then closed his eyes, and took deep breaths to slow down his blood loss. He just needed a few more minutes; even just one would do. “You three... take care of my wife, will you? When she gets too hardheaded on a mission, you have my permission to drag her back home— kicking and screaming.”

Tanjirō, Inosuke, and Zenitsu all nodded fervently; while their tears kept flowing as well. They couldn’t help but feel partially responsible for such a loss, even though Rengoku had kept telling them that it wasn’t their fault.

It was their survivor’s guilt gnawing at them from the inside. And all Kyōjurō could hope for was that it would push all three of them to strive to become stronger.

“And you...” The Hashira coughed once more, which had his wife clinging tightly to him and pressing her face further against his side. But he wanted to see her face one last time, so he took her face by the chin and gently tilted it up for his perusing.

He could feel his own tears stinging his eyes, yet he pushed them back and retained the smile he had on his face. “Whenever times get rough and you feel like giving up, always remember that there was once a man who loved you with his whole heart. You saved that man from his own hubris and kept him grounded.

“You changed my entire life, (Y/n); and I will forever be grateful for that. There is never a day that will pass by that I won’t love you, so always remember that. Even if it takes me a hundred lifetimes to get back to you, I promise I’ll make it back to you.” Kyōjurō leaned down to press a kiss against the crown of her head, then pulled her closer into his side; because, he knew... his end was coming.

“And when I get back to you, you’ll never be lonely again. I promise.”

((If you liked my work, please consider buying me a ko-fi. UwU Every ko-fi will go towards taking care of my dogs’ daily needs. Thank you so, so much!))

[smokahuntis]

Procidens

procidens

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Mentions of death, Fluff, Angst

Pairing: Poe Dameron x Younger!reader!

Summery: poe comes back from a mission realizing the reader of stress, but how stressed will he be when she goes? ( Part 3 to Tolle Fuga)

Chapter One: Depone

Chapter Two: Cantus Avium

It had been two months since (y/n) joined the resistance, Poe had talked her way into becoming secondary commander of his fleets. Tho, Poe trusted her Leia was still searching for a reason to. So anytime Poe went out on a mission with the fleet, Commander Antal stayed on the ground with Leia. The General always kept an eye on the first order Commander, worried of betrayal, or her being a spy. It wasn’t until that day that Leia started to see that (y/n) wasn’t here for the first order. She was here for him.

It had been two days since he was supposed to return and yet there was no word from Poe, or Finn. (Y/n) and BB-8 however had found themselves kms Poe’s quarters, reassuring each other of his return. The young commander found herself wrapped up in one of his blankets looking at the window of his room. She knew she did all she could, sent out signals, more x-wings, anything, she did anything to get even the slightest bit of hope he was ok. She’s given up, and it wasn’t until that door swung open had a smile grazed her face again.

There he was, beaten, bloodied, bruised, but he was here, he was alive. She ran to him hugging him.

“You’re Alive!” She said hugging him. He was taken back, but he hugged her back and kissed her head rubbing her back.

“It took a bit longer then expected...” he said resting his chin on her head, he knew he shouldn’t have left her alone for such a long time, because she’s not used to the base and the people, and they aren’t used to her either. But he had to be on that mission, he had to let her go just this once. “I’m sorry.” He pulled her against him tightly. “I’m sorry.” He smelled like oil and blood, with the faint smell of musk that always lingered around him. It was intoxicating.

“Don’t be sorry, I shouldn’t worry so much.” She said pulling away and looking at him. “Come on you need to go to the med bay.” She said bringing her hand up to wipe blood from his cheek. Taking his hand she walked him to the med Bay and letting him get treated.

“How long has it been since you slept?” Poe asking watching her ask she waited for him. Her eyes were heavy and she kept blinking away sleep. He noticed, he noticed everything, because even with the short time she’s been here, Poe feels like he’s known her a life time.

“I’m fine...” she said looking at him.

“I didn’t ask if you were fine, I asked how long it’s been since you slept.” He reached his hand out pulling to closer to stand next to him as the nurse cleaned up the cut on his other arm.

“Three days...” she said laying her head on his shoulder. “When you did t return I couldn’t sleep, I kept trying to get a signal from you or a sign of you, anywhere, I had to do something...” she stated tiredly as the nurse finished up.

“Well come on, I’m going to shower and I’ll see you in bed okay?” He said raising his eyebrows at her, in which she nodded in return. As he led her out the nurse spoke up, speaking to the general.

“He’s in love with her.” She stayed looking over at Leia.

“Maybe that’s a good thing.” Leia said watching Poe leave with (y/n) “it’ll give him something to fight for.”

“He came back with less injuries this time.” The nurse said, Gaining another response from leia.

“Then it’s working.” She smiled softly.

—

Poe came back from the showers with sweat pants loosely hanging from his waist and his hands rubbing a towel threw his hair as he spoke. “I can’t believe you didn’t sleep till I-“ he was cut off by seeing her, it warmed his heart, it really did. She was already sleep, wrapped up in his blankets sleeping peacefully in his bed. He chuckled at the sight, it left a smile on his face knowing she’ll be okay. She did things to him, things he couldn’t explain. She made him soft, Malleable, happy. She made him happy, she made him feel safe, warm inside, like home.

She was home. She was his home.

When he finished drying his hair and threw the towel onto a table and gently got into bed with her, wrapping his arms around her, causing her to move into his embrace. Feeling her skin against his again felt welcoming. Being able to kiss her head again and know everything is okay, in the small space, in the small comfort of her arms, everything was okay. “Goodnight little bird.” He said letting his lips linger on her forehead, getting a soft groan from her and a quiet ‘Goodnight’ in return.

—

When Poe woke up (y/n) wasn’t wrapped around him like he hoped, instead she was across the room strapping up her all black flight suit. The fixed up flight suit she once wore for the first order, she now wore for the resistance, where the first order emblem once was, now replaced with the fire like symbol of the resistance. It wasn’t until she started putting on her flight harness that he registered what she was doing, and shot up from the bed, startling BB-8.

“Woah, where are you going?” He asked confused and stood up moving over to her. His eyes scanned over his body to make sure he was seeing right. He hands reached out gripping her hands stopping her from strapping the harness.

“Leia believes they are getting close to us, I’m just scoping the place.” She said in a reassuring tone and looked up at him. “I’ll be fine, I promise.” She smiled at him and pulled away finishing her harness and grabbing her helmet.

“Leia is letting you go?” He said furrowing his brows watching her.

“Yea, it’s a shock I know, I’m just excited to get back into the sky.” She claimed smiling.

“No, I’ll go, I don’t want you to get hurt, if they are closing in and see you they’ll kill yo-.” He grabbed her arms but was quickly cut off by her.

“You’re injured.” She stated looking at him.

“I don’t care I don’t want you to-“

“How many times have i shot you out of the sky Poe, you, Poe Dameron. I’ve crashed twice my whole life, I’ll be safe. “ she reached up kissing him gently. “ I promise.” After the kiss she hurried out of the room to the X-wing hangar. Walking in Leia was already waiting for her by one of the X-wing, then helping her in. Just as (y/n) was about to close the x-wing for take off, Poe interrupted.

“She can’t go!” He said, now fully dressed me looking at leia. The general let out a sigh and looked at him.

“I can’t keep her on the ground forever Poe, I’m letting her g-“ Leia was cut off by the sound of an explosion outside, they found us, lucky for them it’s just a fleet.

“Poe I’m going wether you like it or not.” Before he could protest the top to the X-wing closed and she was gone fast. He ran outside watching her seeing the fleet of at least 16. “Leia, were going to need to evacuate, even if I take them all out there’s no guarantee they haven’t already sent a message back to Hux. “ (y/n) said, her voices staticky threw her coms. She flew calmly, like an expert, Poe admired it, he stared in awe actually, but once leia his him in the arm he started helping with the evacuation. Every once in awhile his eyes would be on the sky, watching her take down TIE Fighters.

Evacuation was almost complete, everything was getting settled when he looked up to the sky and didn’t see her, then there she was going after one last TIE, she was close, two close, then it was smoke.

All he could see there was smoke, she was gone.

He felt his heart stop, he felt everything stop. His mouth dropped open as he looked at the sky, it was like everything flashed in front of him.

He came back from a mission, it was his first one since he had brought her back. He found her with Leia, talking about the stars, looking out one of the large windows. She looked so beautiful there, with the light of the stars reflecting off her face, her skin glowing. Her hair was neatly curled and braided away from her face. What he wouldn’t give to run his fingers threw her thick locks, to hold her head in his hands as he stares into his eyes. Leia saw him, and excused herself leaving them alone, but she didn’t look away from the window, she was to caught up with the beauty of space, and he was to caught up with the beauty of her.

He walked over to her quietly. The smell of Hyperspace and oil filled her senses, she turned looking at him and smiled hugging him. He hugged her back and kissed her head. “I was trying to surprise you.” He said looking down at her, pushing loose hair away from her face. He loved her hair, the fish color of it, the smell, how soft it always was. And her eyes, he loved her eyes, how they sparkled and lit up when she looked at him. He ran his fingers threw her loose hair and pulled her into a kiss, it was soft at first, but grew passionate, but ended too soon, but the look in her eyes when she pulled away told him everything he needed to know.

He was on his knees, tears rolled down his face thinking he’d never get to say what he needed to, he’d never get to hold her in his arms again. That was until he saw the X-wing from from the cloud of smoke and back into eyesight. He stood up feeling the blood rush back threw him, feeling hope again. When she landed and hopped out of the x-wing, she barley had enough time to take her helmet off before he had himself wrapped around her tightly.

“I thought I lost you...” he said kissing her head and holding her tightly to him. He pulled away his hands finding her jaw and looking into her eyes as his thumpers ran over her cheeks.

Her skin, it was always so soft, so welcomingly warm.

He leaned down kissing her gently, his hands gripping her face tightly, kissing her like it was the last time.

Her lips, they were always so plump, soft, home... they were home.

“You’ll never loose me, Poe.” She said placing her hands over top his, as she leaned into his touch.

Her voice, the way his name rolled off her tongue, how delicate she spoke, how elegant.

“Don’t do that again...” he pulled her back into a hug and took in her scent.

Her smell, she smelled of the oceans on Yavin 4, with a hint of Coconuts, she was calming.

“You were hurt and it needed to be done, plus I’m the second in command I wasn’t just going to let someone else do It!” She exclaimed looking at him.

Her passion, she was strong willed, it still blows him away that someone as good as her was with the first order for so long.

“(Y/n)...” he sighed out looking at her, pressing his forehead to hers.

Her attitude, it’s something that fueled her, made her who she was, and he loved it.

“No, Poe listen, I’m not going to stand b-“ he cut her off by saying her name one more time, this time his voice was airy. “What...”

Her, she was intoxicating, and he never wanted anyone else this bad, it’s her, it has always been her. Only she could make him this weak in the knees, this vulnerable.

“I love you...” he said his hands slowly moving down her arms, to her hands, interlocking his fingers with hers. “I love you so much and I can’t... I can’t loose you... I just-“ She kissed him gently, but that kiss said everything he wanted to know. He closed his eyes, just taking in the moment.

“I know...” she said looking at him, he chuckled and kissed her forehead.

“Be with me... forever, be with me forever.” He said opening his eyes to look at her.

“Always”

[harrywavycurly]

Interview with the Horans!

This is a compilation of questions I’ve received for Niall and Delilah to answer and I did it as if they were sitting down doing an interview, I hope you enjoy and that it helps give you an insight into the lives of the Horans! If you have no clue what I’m talking about Niall and Delilah are from my Insta Story you can find here! 

Q: How did you two meet?

Niall: At an after party of a sports event I believe? She’s gonna kill me if I got it wrong. 

Delilah: Really? An after party? You’re so annoying. We met at a sports event that I didn’t want to go too but my friend Phoebe dragged me to it and I ran into Niall at the bar it was all super casual.

Niall: Ya sure, if ya call her almost knockin me over ta order a bloody drink casual. 

Q: How did you ask Delilah to be your girlfriend? 

Niall: Oh god uh I jus sat her down and asked her if she wanted to be exclusive an she laughed at me cos she was like “who the hell uses the term exclusive? you’re such an old man” dat was probably after we had been on like four or so dates. I jus enjoyed bein round her. 

Delilah: It was super cute, he gets all blushy and adorable. He was nervous and I have no clue as to why, he had already asked to share my calendar with him to see what dates work for us and everything. Like that’s a pretty big deal. 

Q: What’s a normal day in the life like for the Horans?

Niall: nine times outta ten shes up before me, she was like dat even before the girls. She can stay awake till six in da bloody mornin and be up at eight ready to rock n roll. S’a bit disturbin, but our days when M’not on tour are very like every other married couples... jus wit a set of twins.

Delilah: We go on a walk in the mornings, we’ve been doing that ever since I was pregnant, and while on the walk is when we lay out the game plan for the day. So if he has any meetings or anything he’ll tell me so I can plan my day around it. So like yesterday he had a photo shoot for something-

Niall: Cos m’a model now. Just so ya know.

Delilah: Right...so anyway he had his model thing so the girls and I brought him lunch and he was home at a decent time to help with their bedtime routine.

Niall: I feel like we are pretty normal ta be honest like we don’t do a lot of extravagant shit.

Delilah: Not anymore no.

Niall: We were never like jet settin on tons of trips and stuff we’ve always kinda just went from New York to California. We like ta lay low.

Delilah: As low as a former member of one of the largest boy bands in the world can lay....he forgets who he is sometimes. But yes we do kinda just stick to the two places and don’t go out much unless it’s to dinner because I like to eat out a lot. It’s a problem that I’m working on. Oh and Niall likes to go to parties without me but that’s not typically part of a normal day in the life of us.

Niall: M’not even gonna go der wit you.

Q: Speaking of parties, Delilah it’s pretty obvious you don’t like being left at home while Niall goes and has fun.

Delilah: Yeah he’s an asshole. He met Post Malone while I was at home trying to get comfy with my damn pregnancy pillow! And him and Shawn just are super annoying when they get drunk together. But I don’t mind him having his bro time and going out without me, I just like being dramatic.

Niall: Yeah m’da worst at like tryin ta plan parties and invitin her cos half the time they are so last minute and I know she does not do last minute.

Delilah: No I need at least four hours to prepare myself to be around people and to like get dressed and all that not so fun stuff. 

Q: Who said I love you first?

Niall: She did. During an argument matter of fact, it was pretty memorable. 

Delilah: I said it during a moment of passion Niall James not a full blown argument. it was like a “God why do I have to love you so much?” Don’t make it sound so dramatic. 

Niall: M’pretty sure yelling it in the middle of a “passionate argument” is the same as jus sayin it in an argument babe but okay. 

Delilah: It’s totally different, you’re just a dumb boy you wouldn't understand.

Q: Rumor has it you two broke up briefly while Niall was on tour just after releasing Flicker. Is that true? 

Delilah: Yes it’s true. Couples take breaks. Look at Ross and Rachel, it worked out fine for them. 

Niall: Really ya gonna bring Ross and Rachel into dis? They suffered fo a few years before actually bein happy...

Delilah: I mean are you upset that I forgave you too soon? 

Q: Why did you two break up?

Delilah: Yeah Niall why did we break up? 

Niall: Yer such an arse. Uhhh can we skip dis one? We’re allowed like one skip right? 

Delilah: Nope. The people want to know and you always say you’re a man of the people. 

Niall: I cheated. Next question please. 

Q: What songs on Flicker are about Delilah?

Niall: None of em. 

Delilah: Did you hear that world? I was not the muse for that sad ass album so stop blaming me for breaking this man’s heart. 

Niall: Slow hands is bout her I guess, it was written after a date wit her to a bar so yeah, slow hands s’bout her. 

Delilah: I'll allow that one. 

Niall: Oh and So Long. But that’s not on the album so...but most of the songs I didn’t necessarily write wit anyone in mind more of an emotion I wanted ta get across. 

Q: When the two of you were dating who was the best at keeping in touch with the other?

Niall: She was at first then I’d say it was pretty even once we got a bit mo serious. We always had a good long chat at the end of each day tho no matter if we only exchanged two texts throughout the day.

Delilah: In the beginning I was just nosey and wanted to know what he was doing all the time. Then I realized he legit is either in the studio or he’s playing golf or at some sort of event. We still do the phone call each night when he’s away. 

Q: What’s something you love about each other? 

Niall: Easy! Her love of life, she is someone that ya jus wanna be around cos she will make ya smile and makes ya ten times happier jus being in the same room as her. 

Delilah: Awe you’re so sweet! I honestly love the fact Niall will never tell you anything just because he knows you want to hear it, he doesn’t sugar coat things and I know that sounds odd to like love that about someone but it’s just refreshing. I love knowing that if I ask him for his opinion it's going to be 100% honest and how he truly feels and sometimes it makes me want to smack him but mostly I just appreciate what he has to say. 

Niall: Oh an I love her laugh. 

Delilah: Niall also has a very nice ass so you can put that down as something I love as well. 

Niall: Delilah Grace...m’not arguing though.

Q: So Niall this is mainly for you, how has it been dealing with how often Delilah posts about your private life since normally you like to keep that to yourself.

Delilah: Ohhhh good question!

Niall: I don’t mind it really, s’not like she posts pics of me doin anythin scandalous. I think she shows another side ta me dat the fans enjoy, it shows them dat I’m like I always say, a normal guy wit jus an abnormal job. Also her captions are jus...somethin else she has such a way wit words.

Delilah: He laughs so hard at the photos I post of him looking annoyed. He loves those the best.

Niall: I’d also say she’s da reason my posts have gotten a bit more personal. She’s helped me realize dat my Instagram an twitter doesn’t have ta jus be all Niall Horan the musician. The fans and everyone wanna jus get ta know me.

Delilah: You’re welcome world.

Q: So you two have been married for almost a year now right? What’s been the best part of being married?

Delilah: I get lots of free stuff, it’s pretty freakin great if I’m being honest. 

Niall: Ignore her, yes we’ve been married almost a year now, hard ta believe s’only been a year. 

Delilah: I mean having the girls seemed to take up a big part of the year so I’d honestly say the best part of being married so far is just knowing he’s fully mine now and I get to be in his life forever. Sounds lame when I say it out loud.

Niall: I think the best part is jus knowin that she’s there. Like she always has my back on anythin an bein able to point to her an be like “oh dats my wife.” I enjoy that quite a lot if m’bein totally honest wit ya. 

Q: So the twins they are adorable by the way, what was your initial reaction when you found out you were having twins?

Niall: I absolutely almost shit myself it took me completely off guard.

Delilah: Same! But really I was kinda hoping I was having twins because lord was I getting huge kinda faster than I had anticipated.

Niall: It’s also in the long run good cos we only wanted two so like boom! One an done is what they say right?

Delilah: No one says that about kids you weirdo.

Niall: S’for sure a thing people say even bout kids. 

Q: Who takes care of the kids more?

Delilah: Me, just because Niall has a job while I stay home all day in my sweatpants eating.

Niall: Obviously it’s Delilah, she is an actual angel fo everythin she does for the girls and myself even. An jus fo the record she doesn’t wear sweatpants all day, she eventually puts like dem leggin type pants on.

Delilah: Thanks honey. 

Q: So Delilah what would you do if you came home to Niall asleep on the couch when he’s supposed to be watching the girls?

Delilah: It depends. If the girls are also asleep I’d probably cry at how cute they all look passed out.

Niall: Dey are way cuter dan me when they’re alseep.

Delilah: But if he’s asleep and they aren’t...oh hell will be raised in the Horan house. I’d probably smack him with a throw pillow and never let him live that moment down. Like even Shawn hasn’t fallen asleep while watching the girls yet and he’s only watched them after they are asleep so Niall and I can go have dinner alone. 

Q: So is Shawn The Godfather?

Niall: Did he tell you to ask dat?

Delilah: He’s one of them yes.

Niall: We have two godfathers and two godmothers.

Delilah: We are just extra like that, don’t even ask why. 

Q: Last question, how have you handled the fans response towards your relationship? The overall response seems to be everyone pretty much adore the two of you.

Niall: Oh it’s been great really, only a few people here an there have some shitty remark ta say but it’s always something stupid.

Delilah: I think after the first two years it just switched and it’s been for the most part pretty nice. I think at first the fans just didn’t know how serious this was going to be and everyone legit loves Niall so they wanted to make sure I was worthy of him. But I mean we’ve been together for so long now that they’ve fully accepted me.

Niall: Dey have realized she’s not goin anywhere. I mean she met me when I was still in One Direction like jus before the hiatus so she’s been through a lot wit me and the fans love er.

Delilah: Diall till death.

Niall: Oh yeah dats our Uh..what they call it? Ship name? Diall!

[kclenhartnovels]

before the beginning for wolf at the gates?

[So this has been sitting in my inbox for literally forever, but I’ve been trying to get this scene right. I wanted to tell the story of what happened to Kamin’s parents, and after rewriting it a million times, I decided to make it a story that Kamin heard, instead. So here you go, at least four years before the start of the book.]

The fire had settled low, embers red and orange and cracked with soot like snakes amongst tree roots. Kamin should have been long asleep, especially with the ink on his face still wet and new, the skin reddened in protest to the tap of the needle. But his head was full of songs and memory, and he watched the twist of the coals, the way the light played off of the muraled walls around them, the way it shone brighter on the red of Jinx’s hair where she slept nearby.

“You should close your eyes, Kamin.” A warm arm crossed over his chest, and he leaned back against his Uncle, feeling comfortingly dwarfed by the older man. At thirteen, he was still hoping another growth spurt or two would give him a few more inches. Jinx, willowy and stubborn and a few years older, seemed to tower over him, too.

“I’m not tired,” he protested, curling up in his Uncle’s lap anyway. “Tell me about them, please. You promised after I got my stars that you would tell me what happened in Vendave castle.”

Fingers slid through Kamin’s dark hair, tracing a path where a circlet should have sat, where flowers should have decorated his brow in the feast day of his coming of age. Harps should have been plucked, flutes should have trilled, halls should have been lit with scented candles, but instead the few of them sat in a hidden cave, broke meager bread, and told stories of what used to be.

“I did promise you,” he agreed at last,and wrapped both arms around his nephew. “And you did ask, harperellum. And I’m sorry.”

The fire crackled, sending embers spinning up into the smoke. Jinx curled up tighter in sleep. Kamin felt the deep hum in his Uncle’s chest, and closed his eyes.

“King Marius the Bloody became King Marius the Bold

Under a Harper’s whispers, he learnt loyalty’s ne’er sold

United in a Kingdom that was named for stars above

Marius had wife and child, whom he adored and loved

When Marius grew old and weak, his son Silas took the reign

Took a queen and took Elophia as his Harper to maintain

And Vendave under jointed rule grew in land and wealth

Until Marius became so ill, Silas begged: restore his health

When Elophia could not save the aged, much-loved King

Silas began to mourn and plot and call her wretched thing

And then the Queen in childbirth cried out in pain and death

The Harper could not give enough to keep her drawing breath

King Silas became enraged with grief, became Silas the Mad

He closed the castle walls and ordered all the men he had

To round up e’vry Ekanti soul that lived within the walls

And bring them to dungeons til they filled up every stall

Elophia and Ferenc, they had no time to flee

Pushed their children into arms of friends with whispered quiet plea

The harperellum sent to borders to carry on the hope

That they could survive a better fate than Silas’ hanging rope

So every night we sing the stars and pray that ‘fore the end

Silas will see his misery has turned him from his friends

Vendave’s star-named history is tainted now by blood

Of those that only tried to save it from the howling flood.”

He hugged Kamin tighter against his chest, kissing the top of his head. “You were one of three castle-born, Kamin, and should have grown up in Vendave’s walls alongside the young Prince. You should have been his confidante, and helped to shape the fate of the Kingdom. You should have been a voice of her people, an advisor and a friend. You should have heard your father sing. You should have heard your mother speak. But all the things that should have been are like those embers. They spark, they sigh, and they disappear in the wind and smoke. Elophia and Ferenc gave their lives so that their children could escape. And those stars on your face right now mark you for the same fate as them, should Vendave’s mercenaries find you.”

Kamin gingerly touched one of the fresh marks. “I know.”

“I know,” he repeated, and smiled against Kamin’s hair. “And I asked you if you were certain you wanted them, and you said yes. You are your mother’s son, Kamin. The bravery in your heart is as bright as any star. But that doesn’t make the path any easier. For any of us.”

“What will make the path easier, then?”

He took Kamin’s hands, opening them and holding them against his palms. “Hope, little harperellum. Always hope.”

Tag list: @wri-tten @gingerly-writing @knightedwriter @merigreenleaf @halfbloodlycan @lady-redshield-writes @lux-scriptum @golden-eyed-writer @theguildedtypewriter @homesteadhorner @perringwrites @no-url-ideas-tho @msmeaghanrey @haphazardlyparked @kaypier @cogesque @gettingitwrite @coppercreationcreator @49thriot @andtheotherwriter @herbs-and-syrup @arwallace @cyberphuck @writerightmegpie @panhasablog @she-writes-love @rrrawrf-writes @sheralynnramsey @katerinarevel

[vanderlinde-moved]

a bitter truth (part one)

this is an angstier version of a post-scarif fix-it verse, much more than this series. don’t worry tho, there will be some good rebelcaptain action. 👌 hope you enjoy!

read it on ao3!

It should have happened like this:

Jyn faces off with Krennic, eyes narrowed, teeth bared. She tells him that she is Galen and Lyra’s daughter, that she is the one who’s going to transmit the plans to his precious Death Star to the Rebellion.

He tells her that she’s lost.

It should have happened like this:

Just as Krennic moves to shoot her and Jyn gets ready to charge, Krennic falls at her feet with a hole in his chest. And there stands Cassian, against all the odds, with a smoking blaster in his hands.

In that moment, Jyn thinks he’s the most beautiful sight she’s ever seen.

It should have happened like this:

Together, they transmit the plans. Together, they limp off the data tower and into the elevator. Cassian asks her if she thinks anyone’s listening and she replies yes, someone has to be. She refuses to think that this whole suicide mission has been in vain.

They fall on the beach together, embracing for the first and last time. She holds Cassian as tightly as she’s able to and he does the same, taking comfort in human contact. Maybe in a different life, they could have been something other than partners.

The Death Star fires. She watches the wave of fire get closer and closer, and in this moment, she’s not afraid to die. When the blast hits them, it’s only a few seconds of agony before they’re turned into stardust together.

In a better world, they die together on Scarif.

 Instead, it happens like this:

Cassian doesn’t come for her. He leaves her alone at the top of the data tower.

She hadn’t expected him to, but a small part of her had assumed he would. Especially after he did on Jedha and Eadu, and especially after he had rallied almost all of the members of Rogue One. The pain of his absence stings sharper than it should, but Jyn’s used to people abandoning her by now.

Maybe he’s given up on her. Maybe he’s run into some trouble and he’s on his way. Or maybe he’s dying alone at the bottom of the tower, unable to move and hoping that she’s able to finish the mission alone?

(does that mean she’s the last person left standing? that she’s killed everyone else on this little suicide mission of hers, all in the name of a rebellion she barely believes in?)

It doesn’t matter. She can’t afford to think about these things right now.Cassian isn’t here, but when she turns around to transmit the plans, the man in white is. He looks the same as he did all those years ago when he took her father and killed her mother right in front of her.

In this moment, all Jyn feels is rage. She doesn’t think about Cassian. Instead, she thinks about surviving, with her fists clenched and ready for a fight.

(in a better world, this would be different. cassian would be there with her. though is it really a better world if they all die at the end?

at least then they were together, even in death.)

Jyn charges him before Krennic even realizes she’s moving, but as she tackles him to the ground, red hot fire laces through her gut. While he hits the floor, she hits it harder, wheezing and wrapping an arm around her torso. Her hand comes away sticky with blood.

it hurts it hurts it hurts.

She tries to hoist herself up but fails, reaching up for the guard rails. Her bad leg, already hurt before coming up here, crumples beneath her. Krennic gets up before she can and aims the blaster at head. She freezes, eyes locked on his.

“My, my,” he tsks, giving her a once-over. His mouth twists in displeasure at the state she’s in, all broken and bloody. “I should have known that Lyra’s daughter would have so much fire.”

The plans, she thinks desperately, trying once again to get on her feet. But it’s so hard. Her insides feel as if they’re going to fall out but she needs to get up and she needs to transmit the plans to the Rebellion.

“Don’t even bother with that. You’ve lost, Miss Erso,” Krennic smiles, and she wishes she had enough strength to punch that smug look off of his face. “You’re coming with me. After all, we do need information about your little Rebellion and this is the perfect opportunity.”

Her stomach is on fire and there’s blood in her mouth and she can barely think straight, her vision darkening, but if there’s one thing that Jyn’s always been, it’s rebellious.

As a Star Destroyer appears in the corner of her tunneling vision, Krennic turns ever so slightly to watch its arrival. Jyn takes that moment of distraction to use all of her remaining strength and grab the small vibroblade she had shoved in her thigh holster during the flight. Saw had taught her that there’s no such thing as too many weapons.

When Krennic turns back to her, she lunges upward and stabs him in the thigh, digging the blade as deeply as she can.

It’s not enough to kill him, but she feels a grim satisfaction watching him curse in pain as blood trickles down her leg. She falls backward, suddenly exhausted and her head hits the floor with a dull thud. Her heart is pounding quickly enough that she thinks it might explode and the wound in her gut pulses in time with her heartbeat.

Even in the light of her small victory, she can’t find it in herself to feel anything except guilt. She’s failed. The plans haven’t been transmitted, Cassian and the rest of her crew is dead or dying, and she’s about to die at the same hands that killed her mother and father.

“You bitch!” Krennic snarls. He rips the blade out of his thigh and tosses to the side. Jyn watches it fall off the data tower until she can’t see it anymore. When she turns back, Krennic has one hand over the wound in his thigh and the other is pointing the blaster back at her head again. “You’ll pay for that.”

Jyn grins, teeth bloody. “Fuck. . .you,” she wheezes in a final act of defiance, before Krennic’s eyes darken and his blaster cracks across her forehead.

I’m sorry, Papa. We’ve lost and you’ve died for nothing. I failed you.

When the darkness comes to take her, Jyn Erso welcomes it with open arms.

 It should have happened like this:

Cassian climbs the data tower just in time to save Jyn from Krennic.

Instead, it goes like this:

Cassian lays gasping on the cold, metal ground. Every breath burns in his lungs and there’s a coppery taste in the back of his mouth. Hot blood leaks out of his shoulder where Krennic shot him and there’s something wrong with his back. His leg hurts too and he hopes that it’s nothing more than a sprain. He can’t afford it to be anything worse.

At this moment, lying at the bottom of the data tower and staring upwards, there’s nothing he wants to do more than just lay here and die.

But he needs to get to Jyn. He promised himself that he wouldn’t leave her behind. He promised himself that he wouldn’t abandon her like her mother or father or Saw had.

(he’s only known her for a week but jyn erso compels him in ways he never knew possible.)

He forces himself to a sitting position, crying out when something in his back shifts. When he coughs, blood stains his teeth and he knows that he doesn’t have much time left.

Get up. The mission isn’t over yet.

It feels like forever before he drags himself to his feet, leaning heavily on the data tower. His ribs ache with every movement and it’s a far way to climb, but he has to try. He can’t rest until he’s completed the mission, and as far as he knows, it’s not over yet.

He places his other hand on the archives and tries to pull himself up. This sudden movement jars his battered body so badly that he loses his grip and falls back to the ground with a stifled moan, unwelcome tears pooling in his eyes.

it hurts it hurts it hurts

“Come. . .on,” he grits out, forcing himself to his feet once again. He so badly wants to give up but he knows that he can’t. There’s more at stake here than what he wants. The Rebellion needs him. “Come on!”

Slowly, almost pitifully, Cassian climbs the data tower. At one point, he almost falls -- his hands are too slick with his blood and his head is spinning so fast that he thinks he’s going to pass out, but he digs his fingers into the handhold and rests his forehead against the tower, waiting for it to pass. When he gets the dizziness in check, he keeps going.

At this point, stopping isn’t even an option for him anymore.

When he pulls himself up to the top, barely conscious, Jyn is gone. She didn’t make it and it’s all his fault. If only he had been faster, if only he had shot Krennic before he had shot him --

Stop. The mission. He needs to focus on the mission. He can mourn Jyn later, if he survives all of this.

(by the way he’s feeling right now, the chance of that is slim.)

He stumbles to the console. Everything’s all set up for him -- all he has to do is pull the lever. She’s done everything else for him. Cassian laughs quietly, though sounds more like a wheeze. Leave it to Jyn to do all of the hard work. He lets his fingers rest on the lever before pulling it down as hard as he can.

Thank you, Jyn. I’m sorry.

When the screen lights up and the plans begin transmitting, he slides down the console to rest, sticking his bad leg out in front of him. His job is done now. The mission is over. Finally, he can sleep. He thinks that after all he’s done, he deserves a couple moments of peace.

Just as his head drifts forward and his vision darkens, hands start shaking his shoulders. Blearily, he tries to swat them away but finds that he can’t move his arms anymore. This would bother him if he didn’t feel so tired.

“Captain Andor! You need to stay awake!”

It’s done, he wants to tell whoever is shaking him, but he can’t seem to make his throat work properly. Let me rest. I’ve completed the mission. We did it. Please, just let me rest.

The last thing Cassian Andor feels before fading into unconsciousness is two arms pulling him upwards, and a sharp pain. Then -- nothing.

 Jyn wakes up bound to a chair.

She thinks that she must still be in the Star Destroyer because she can just barely hear the vibrations of the ship through the floor. She can’t see much in the room that she’s trapped in, but she knows that she still must be in the hands of the Empire. After all, it’s very unlikely that the Rebellion would tie her up after she tried to save their asses.

(but she doesn’t know. she’s not even a member of the alliance, not to mention that she took some of their best operatives and went rogue, killing all of them on what was supposed to be a win for the rebellion.)

The blaster wound on her stomach is hastily bandaged, but there’s blood leaking through the bacta patch. Her captors haven’t done anything for her leg, but she doesn’t think it’s anything worse than a sprained ankle. Her head is what worries her the most; she can feel dried blood crusted on her cheek and her forehead throbs in time with her heartbeat. Every so often, her vision goes dark and she has to swallow down a wave of nausea.

How the hell is she going to get out of here with a concussion?

Weakly, she tugs on the binders around her wrists. They’re notched one slot too small and are digging uncomfortably into her skin. To get out of this, she’s thinks she’s going to have to break her thumb and dislocate her shoulder, but the very thought of that makes her head spin.

The door to her dimly-lit cell opens before she can think too much about it. Light floods in, making her head explode in pain, and she has to close her eyes until the door shuts once more. When she looks up, Krennic stands in front of her, with two guards flanking him. There isn’t an IT-O droid with them and at that small mercy, Jyn lets out a small sigh of relief.

“You’re finally awake, I see,” Krennic says, taking a step closer to her. He doesn’t limp and there’s no sign of the wound on his leg -- she know that the Empire has more bacta than the Rebellion ever will. At least now that supply has been slightly depleted because of her actions. “I thought we might lose you. And we can’t have that, now can we? You’re the last surviving Erso.”

She says silent, appraising him the same way he’s looking her over. She takes note of the blaster strapped to his hip and the dark bags under his eyes. She doesn’t know how long she’s been out, but it doesn’t look like he’s slept since before Scarif.

Krennic doesn’t seem perturbed by her silence. In fact, he keeps talking. “You know, we’ve been trying to find you for years. You’re extremely good at hiding, Miss Erso. I’m sure you imagine my surprise when you revealed yourself on the data tower. Just where have you been all these years?”

“Hiding from you,” she spits, leaning forward to get as close to him as possible. Her wrists scream as she strains on the bindings. “What, did you think I would just come out and let you take me prisoner? You’re a lot dumber than I thought you were, Krennic.” A slow smile crosses his face at that. Jyn doesn’t like the look of it. “Maybe if you had, your father wouldn’t be dead right now. He died on Eadu. Did you know that, Miss Erso? Your precious Rebellion killed him with their bombs.”

The pain of her father’s loss hits her all over again, like a sharp knife driven right through her heart. She hasn’t had the time to properly mourn him since the battle on Eadu and she has to close her eyes to ward off the grief.

She failed him on Scarif.

“In fact, now that I think about it, I’ve knew you father better than you ever did,” he muses, jolting Jyn back out of her thoughts. “We met a long time ago. Shame you didn’t get to know Galen better. He really was a good man. Well -- at least, if you excuse the flaw he built into my machine.”

“What do you want?” Jyn snarls, sick of this idle conversation. She knows the answer to her question, but she doesn’t want to talk about her father with the man who took him away from her all of those years ago. He doesn’t deserve to have known him better than her. “What the hell do you want from me?”

Krennic doesn’t bat an eye at the change in conversation. “Information. You tell me what you know about the Rebellion and I’ll let you die quickly. If not, well.” He shrugs, then folds his hands in front of him. “I think you know what happens then.”

She does, in fact, know what happens. This isn't her first interrogation.

“Come on, then,” Jyn bares her teeth, slightly feral. Adrenaline courses through her veins. They both know she’s not going to talk. “Let’s see what the Empire’s got.”

Krennic returns her smile, though it’s full of malice. He motions to the two guards behind him to move forward. “Then let’s begin.”

 Cassian wakes to the sound of beeping.

His eyes fly open of their own accord and he’s met with the blurry sight of a pristine white ceiling and a woman sitting next to him.

It can’t be. It’s impossible. And yet --

“Jyn?”

“Captain Andor,” the woman replies and he blinks, trying to focus his vision. Her accent isn’t anything like Jyn’s crisp Coruscanti one. “It’s good to see that you’re finally awake.”

“Your highness,” he croaks, finally recognizing the figure in front of him. The last he heard, Leia had been on Alderaan with her parents. For some reason, she’s here, sitting at his bedside. Her outward appearance is immaculate, like always, but the dark circles under her eyes tell a different story. “What. . .?”

What happened?

Somehow, he’s back on Yavin 4. His hair is damp with what he assumes is bacta. While he’s still in a considerable amount of pain, it’s much less than it had been on Scarif. Someone must have rescued him and taken him back here.

“One of our pilots noticed you on top of the tower before the Death Star fired,” Leia twists her hands in her lap but keeps her chin up high. He can tell that something’s bothering her. “Do you remember anything else that happened on Scarif?”

He remembers too much. Losing K-2SO, falling off the data tower, transmitting the plans. And -- Jyn. The sting of both of their deaths is too strong for him to deal with right now, so he locks those memories away, pushes them to the very back of his mind.

But he doesn’t remember the Death Star firing. If Jyn had been alive on Scarif before that, then there’s no way in hell she survived the blast.

(he should have been the one to die. with everything he’s done, he knows that he deserves it.)

“The plans,” he rasps instead, sitting up as much as he’s able to and watching her face. He needs to know. “Did you get the plans?” Leia nods, and a small, sad smile crosses her face. She doesn’t look as happy as she should. “The Death Star was destroyed hours ago.”

At that, Cassian falls back and closes his eyes. They did it. They got the plans. All of those deaths -- Jyn’s death -- those hadn’t been in vain. But despite the relief that’s bubbling up in his chest, he can’t quite tamper down the guilt.

He’s the only survivor. He’s alone.

“We’re being to evacuate the base. You’ll be on one of the first transports out of here. Get some rest, Captain; you deserve it.”

As she leaves, he feels as if there’s something she isn’t telling him. But a medical droid is at his bedside and he’s feeling too tired now to call out to her and ask about it.

 The next time Krennic comes back to her cell, he brings an IT-O droid with him. This is when Jyn finds out that the Rebellion has destroyed the Death Star.

And even though the droid is injecting something in her neck that makes her blood feel as if it’s boiling and there’s a big part of her that wishes she died back on Scarif, she laughs. When he asks her where the rebels are going now and backhands her across the face, all Jyn can do is laugh.

They did it. Somehow, they did it.

[justagirlwritingherlilheartout]

Dogs are much more cute (Juice-Sons of Anarchy)

Requested by the lovely @paintballkid711 :Hey! I was wondering if you could do an imagine where juice falls for a complete tomboy who happens to be happy's younger sister? And that she's never had a boyfriend because of who her brother is? But happy is actually ok with it in the end? Maybe fluff and smut? Ps I love your writing!

-

Happy walked out of the club house finding his little sister working on one of the cars that some rich lady brought in a couple of hours ago. He smiled to himself, thinking of all the amazing memories he and his sister shared. They were not that alike, except for the fact that they both loved speed and they both adored working on cars or bikes. 

She was very tomboy-ish. She loved to wear caps or beanies and usually had her hair in a pony tail so it didn't get in her face while working. 

-

''Hey.'' A guy, around her age walked up to her just as she got from under the car she was currently working on.

''Hey, Michael.'' She greeted the guy she used to go to school with. ''What's up?'' She smiled as he offered her his hand, which she took and he pulled her up. 

''Nothing much, heard you were back in town so i wanted to come say hi.'' He said as the two hugged. It was one of the, so called, bro hugs, where two people bump shoulders and pat each other on the back if they're feeling especially affectionate. 

''Ah yeah, I went to a wedding.''

''No shit,'' The guy raised his eyebrow in disbelief, ''Don't tell me you wore a dress.'' 

''Yep, it's apparently mandatory when you're one of the braids maids.'' She rolled her eyes, fixing her trucker cap. 

''Dude, I would pay good money to see you in a dress.'' He said looking her up and down, his hand on her shoulder. She was wearing jean overalls and a white t shirt that was covered in smudges from the car oils and god knows what else. 

''Dude, Never gonna happen!'' She said in the same tone.

''Can I help you?'' Happy walked up to the two, his face dark and serious.

''C'mon Hap, we're just talking.'' Y/N sighed, knowing exactly what's gonna happen. He was always so protective. Needless to say that she never had a boyfriend because no she had ever gone out with had enough guts to face her brother, so her relationships usually consisted of one date and never speaking to that person ever again after happy had one of his thought with him.

''Talk without touching.'' Happy said shortly before flicking the guys hand off his sister's shoulder. 

''Don't worry, man, she's not my type.'' Mitchel lifted his hands in his defense. 

''Excuse me?'' Happy took a step forward, ready to punch the guy's face in.

''No, no, I didn't mean it like that.'' Mitchel almost stuttered. ''I'm in to guys.'' 

''Good.'' Happy said backing away before wrapping his arm around his sister. ''You can keep him, I like him.'' He said to his sister making her laugh and walked away. 

''Your brother is intense.'' 

''Yeah, but you are the first guy he actually told me to keep, so, congrats dude.'' She said making them both laugh.  ''Hey, you up for a beer? I need a break.''

''Sure.'' He nodded and the duo walked over to the picnic table. 

-

Juice rode in to the MT, just as Y/N and some guy sat down at the picnic table. ''Who's he?'' He asked one of the new prospects as he parked his bike next to the others. 

''That's Michael, Y/N's friend.'' Rat replied.

''Friend?'' Juice couldn't help the bitter taste of jealousy that he tasted when he saw the two laughing. He has had a thing for Happy's sister for a while. She was something else. She almost never wore make up, but she looked like the most beautiful girl in the world to him. She wasn't really the type of girl he would usually go for. She was hot, there's no denying that and soon the two became friends. They shared so many interests and he could talk to her for hours and not get tired. 

''Yeah.'' Rat nodded. ''I think he was checking out Jax before, tho.''

''Good.'' Juice smirked to himself, knowing there's nothing to worry about. He walked towards the club house but decided to take the long way so he will be able to pass Y/N on the way. ''Hey.'' 

''Juice, hey!'' Y/N smiled looking up from her friend to see Juice, the boy she had a crush on since forever.  ''Juice this is Michael, Michael this is Juice.''

''Nice to meet you... Juice.'' Michael said a bit confused about the nickname. 

''You too.'' Juice said not really talking his eyes off off Y/N. ''Are we still on for tonight?''

''Yeah, I'll come by your room at 7.'' She smiled taking off her hat. 

''See ya.'' 

''Bye.'' Y/N smiled before Michael grabbed her hand.

''You didn't tell me you were banging the juicy Latino!!''

''What?'' Her eyes widened. ''No! We're just friends. We are gonna watch the world cup later.'' She shook her head. ''And for fucks sake please never say the sentence 'banging the juicy Latino' ever again.''

''But you like him, right?'' He ignored everything she just said.

''Maybe.''She shrugged, trying to play it cool. His eyes bore holes in her act. ''Okay.. definitely.'' 

''You two would look cute together.'' 

''Shut up!'' She slapped his shoulder making them both laugh. 

-

It was 6:50 PM when Y/N walked down the hallway leading to the sons's Dorms. She was freshly showered, her hair in it's natural wavy state gathered on one side of her head. She wore some ripped jeans, white tank top and a red and black plaid shirt. 

She took a deep breath before knocking on Juices door. 

''Yeah.'' A familiar vice came from the other end of the door and she entered. 

''Hey, everything ready?'' She asked with a smile before looking around his  room. It was so tidy and clean that she felt right at home. She was always on Happy's case about cleaning a bit more. 

''Mhm.'' He smiled grabbing a bowl of popcorn and sitting down on his bed. 

She kicked off her shoes and joined him on the bed, looking up at the tv in front of them. The match hasn't started yet. 

''Had fun with your friend?'' He asked throwing a popcorn in to his mouth.

''Yeah.'' She nodded taking a hand full of popcorn and eating one of them.  ''He thinks you're a Bangable juicy Latino.'' She winked at him. 

''Is that so?'' He laughed, shaking his head. ''Is it true tho?'' 

''Huh?''

''Am I a bangable juicy Latino?'' He said making her look at him with surprise. They have been friends for a while now, but they never been flirty. 

''Well, Juan, You are pretty bangable, but i will never ever again refer to you as juicy.'' She shook her head, not being able to hide her smile. 

''That's good to hear.'' He said before laughing. ''That would be the preferred version, yeah.'' 

''Nice to know we are on the same page.'' She laughed, facing him not the tv. 

''Are we tho?'' 

''What are you talking about?'' 

''Y/N...I..'' Juice didn't know what to say or where to even start. He has wanted to tell her that he liked her so many times. But  now, when he finally got the chanse, he had no idea how to go about it. ''Fuck it.'' He cupped her face and leaned in, pressing his lips to hers. 

It took her a second to realise what was happening. She didn't kiss back and he pulled away after realising she is not reacting the way he hoped for. 

''I.. I'm sorry, Y/N.'' He let go of her. ''I shouldn't have done that.'' He shook his head. ''I'm sorry.''

''Juan-'' 

''No, no, I'm sorry. Can we just pretend this never happened?'' She could see anxiety all over his face. His body was tensed up, his forehead wrinkled, blood pumping trough his veins.

''Juan!'' She raised her voice, making him look at her. ''Shut up!'' She said with a smile before leaning in and kissing the man in front of her. This time it took him a second to react but once he figured out what was happening he grabbed her hips as her hands fund their place around his neck. She crawled on top of him, straddling his lap. 

''Really?'' He asked with a smile, not sure if this is happening or if he is dreaming. 

''Really.'' She nodded with a giggle before kissing him again as he wrapped his arms around her, bring her closer to him. 

''Why the hell didn't we do this sooner?'' Juice smiled, with everything going on with the club this was by far the highlight of his week, hell, it was the highlight of his year. 

''Dude, I don't know.'' She  shook her head, taking a second to just look at him. Really look at him. His brown eyes sparkled and his smile, oh his smile...

''Hey, is Y/N here-'' Happy walked in to Juice's room without  knocking and stopped in his stacks when he saw them. His sister was on top of Juice, who's hands were on her ass, they were pretty close, as if they were kissing a second before. ''Y/N!'' Happy did his best to keep his voice calm. ''Get. Off. Him.'' 

''Hap, wait, don't do this!'' She tried to calm him down as she got up from the bed. 

''Happy, I... It's not what you think..'' Juice tried to explain but before he knew it Happy was in front of him, punching his face.

''Happy!!'' Y/N yelled, not sure what to do as the men found themselves on the floor, throwing punches at one another. ''Juan!!'' 

She let out a sight as not one nor the listened to her. ''Fine, kill each other then.'' She rolled her eyes and walked out of the room. 

''What the hell was that about?'' Gemma as Y/N walked in to the bar and sat down next to her.

''Long story short. Happy walked in on me and Juice making out.'' 

''Ah..'' Gemma nodded, giving her a glass of whiskey. It was nothing new for the sons to fight. 

''Yeah.'' The  girl shook her head taking a sip of  her drink. 

''Oh the other hand. I wont a bet thank to you.'' 

''What?'' 

''Me and Unser might or might not made a bet on when you and Juice will get together.'' Gemma shrugged. 

''What?!''

''Don't act so surprised. Everyone knew you two had a thing for each other.'' 

''Seriously?'' Y/N asked before laughing at the way Gemma looked at her as if to say 'Are you really surprised?'

-

About 15 minutes later Juice and Happy walked out, both bloody. ''Took you long enough.'' Y/N rolled her eyes as she saw her brother and the guy who she was kissing minutes before make their way to her. 

''You can keep him too.'' Happy said as they reached her. 

''Seriously?'' The girl couldn't help but be surprised. 

''You do know i'm not a dog, right?'' Juice said walking up to her before wrapping his arm around her.

''I know, Dogs are much more cute.'' Happy told him and walked away making his sister laugh.

''That's debatable.'' Y/N said before kissing Juice.

''I will ignore the fact that you're comparing me to a dog if you kiss me again.''

-

Request here!

Masterlist here!

-

I'm sorry there is not much fluff and no smut. today was a weird day for writing, dunno, probably a writers block. But i might write a part two with smut an all that fun stuff. 

[insomaniacrave-blog]

I just went to McKinnon for the third time. oh my god three time within a month... I going to be broke.

Also I just seem not doing any Macbethian route.... Just look at who I followed.

word from last loop: “I thought I would recap my SH SNM experience here, as clearly I’m prone to forget things. I barely remember much details of TDM, and I would forever bare my regrets of not seeing it again while I got the chance.”

OK here we go, while the memories fresh.

This could be very much out of chronological order and inserted with a lots of personal opinion.

(viewer discretion is advised, entirely made of spoilers.)

Thu. 28 Mar. 674

cast list:

I got the 7:45 ticket. Could have get the first or second slot. Didn’t anyway. Was very annoyed by the crowd when queueing for collecting ticket and checking coat as a large group (about 20 people) ended up jumping the queue just because one of their friend is near the front of the queue. So they jumped the collecting went straight to queueing outside the coat check while one of their’s friend is collecting. Then about five of them came later while I was queueing to get coat check and just walked in front as if they can’t see people queueing. Urrrgh...

Got the Q card (which seemingly is the last card in the order). Woman in bar introduce herself as Dafney. How many female host is in the rotation? I been three times now and there been three different female host. And seemingly Hecate usually rotate with Woman in bar. So that should be 4 already. God I keep forgetting these shows have so many swings (this might be the wrong word). Man in Bar didn’t show until after show. He introduce himself as Ed. Pianist is refer to as The golden fingers.

Ed did the pre-show intro. Seemingly he have very strong accent that I can’t say I familiar with. But he speak fluent Chinese (shrug, hey i’m trying to not spare any details :P). I was one of the two that was last trying to enter the elevator when Ed stopped us and the elevator left. He say keep the secret so I’m not going to say what happen but basically I didn’t take the elevator.

The first character I encounter is Duncan, he walk through the hallway outside Macbeth’s bedroom. Put on his black coat and hat, took the suitcase and enter the dinning room and sat down in the corner seat, just waiting. He sat there so still for so long until porter finally enter and pour him tea. 

And here’s where the memory failed on me. There’s people come and go with following porter and honestly they’re all segment of those people’s plotline, not easy on recalling which happen first. I followed Porter for almost a whole loop. Porter was uncovering a cloth covering a large glass tank with a lots of tree brunch inside. Boy Witch is on the other side and they had a “wanting to touch through the glass” moment. Boy Witch proceed to the desk near the piano and joined by other two witches having a dance. Porter arrange the Stand mic after three witches dance to the other side of the room. Something Something. Boy Witch standing in front of the counter and letting Porter smearing something glossy from a tiny compact box under his eye (I thought he was touching up eyeliners haha) Porter put some under his eye (is this suppose to symbolise their tears?) Boy Witch sing “my funny valentine” (not sure why they use a female voiced version tho) and porter is smilingly watch him behind the counter. At one point Porter made a phone call (I kind of suspect to Agnes) Boy Witch end the song crying on the stage. He return teasing Porter to wipe his tear and ending up picking an audience member. Porter entered the dinner and Danvers whip his tears.

Danvers is mixing blue liquid into the class of milk. She tried a little from the string spoon and dropping it onto the floor. Lady Macduff shows up with a furr coat and a suitcase at the counter, Porter wasn’t there. Danvers took the luggage and put them aside, furr coat on the counter. She feed Lady Macduff milk. Porter appear and trying to stop her. Lady Macduff became eager to having more. Porter took the empty (nearly?) class and tried a little behind the counter.

Agnes came into the lobby and seems to looking for something. Porter tease her with the phone (she tried calling and ending up ringing the phone booth), a key and maybe something else can’t remember. Porter showed a lots of playfulness and ending up writing a note and gave Agnes. She seems satisfied and left.

Happy Dance! At one point I thought I standing safely outside Porter’s dancing zone but he suddenly did a side step and step on my toe (one of my toe is bleeding now hahaha not because of this but i just thought it’s kind of funny).

There’s a lots of segment of Porter appears sad while no one else in the lobby. there’s even a dance of him imagining him holding someone and having a dance, the (imaginary) person hold his head and have his arm around his waist.

Porter’s book, the latest guest is Duncan, dating the year 1963 (maybe 36?)

Porter covered up furniture with white sheet.

Porter putting up the phone booth curtain.

Porter took out something (a letter probably, but seems quite a lot of pages inside) from the ceiling of the phone booth and hide behind the curtain which his head popping out. Exchange an envelop with Danvers.

Porter waiting at the counter with a envelop. Sexy Witch enter with Banquo following. Sexy Witch hand Banquo the envelop, he open it. containing some dirt, a burned king card and a letter. 

the group proceed to phone booth and Sexy and Boy dance, Sexy drag in an audience, Boy and Porter dance, Porter got throw onto the floor. Both witches left (maybe there was a bit of laughing at Porter before they exit)

Agnes came back, rang the bell couple of times. Porter standing straight behind her with tray in hand (I didn’t notice this at all before. I thought Porter appear quite abruptly, which now thinking of it seems impossible with audience following him) At some point Porter picked up a throw pillow, closing in on Agnes from behind. Seems like he kind of want her dead, or at least it crossed his mind. Oooh this should be before happy dance I think cause when Agnes left the phone booth Porter was doing a tiny teasing happy dance.

Lady Macduff re-enter the lobby, shaking, with a bear on her hand. The bear was left on the counter. Porter picked it up and stared at it. He seems to be getting angry and start mushing the bear into a ball. Found a small opening at the back of the bear. there’s a necklace with red string inside. He walked to the room with a lots of hanging bird and start writing a letter to Malcolm (It’s really dim in there and he’s using a pencil. I could only make out that it’s for Malcolm.) An audience deliver him a letter (do as I said or i’ll... seems threatening. almost impossible to read cause he put it away so quickly. I went back to it after he left) He fold the letter into a small boat, weeping, and drop the red string necklace onto the boat and gave it to the said audience member.

Banquo and Macbeth enter behind the counter with loads of luggage. Three witches is dancing next to them in the lobby (god just think of how many thing that is not seen that is just so close to you) they’re washing face and Banquo shared a drink with Macbeth. Banquo left and drag in an audience with him (so there is a room behind that door)

It’s the third loop and I suddenly don’t know who to follow... So I went up to the Infirmary. almost got lost cause the stairs near the lobby stop at third floor. The other one (now I can’t remember where the other one is near... maybe outside Macbeth’s room if it’s even on this floor?) stops at fourth floor, near the entrance to the high street bar (don’t know if the bar even have a name in english. also, can’t remember where I read it, the bar resemble the Manderley bar we enter from the start) Hecate is eating something seemingly bloody with three white-mask sitting on the table. went through the back and hello fifth floor!

Still super curious about that back room but as I have a late ticket this time I didn’t linger too much on it. Going through the room, still loving the smell. One of the nurse walked by and stopped outside the padded room, looking through each windows. At the last window there’s a small dead chicken/duck/bird. She pad it and looked at it for a moment and went into the bedroom. At some point she looked into the closet and reveal the birds, just like those one downstairs (hmm didn’t see that last time) and she start tidying the bed just like I saw last time. I was hoping to now doing repeat this time so I left the room.

The third (I think) nurse is doing a dance around the table with the table centered room.

Wonder through two large room and found an opened door I didn’t notice in the room with beds. It lead into a shelved cupboard, with a lots of bottle on it which I presume is drug (interesting new finding when I was reading the SNM fandom, the label on the alcohol bottle suggest the branding “Christian & Shaw”, the fandom page have all the character listed and one of the character in infirmary is called Christian Shaw, tho that’s seems to focus on the NYC ver.) The cupboard lead out into the bamboo forest.

I saw an audience rushingly ran out of the office like she’s fear for her life :P

The red string hanging, enter Husband and Bride. Husband is so full of joy and even laugh out with happiness when presented cup with presumably alcohol. Bride seems very calm. The smile from the last visit was not presented but there were a bit of eye contact between Bride and one of Nurse. Somehow this casting seems like Husband is more in love with Bride than Bride is with Him. The Red string dance ended with Bride taking away the string in his mouth and ended the ceremony. Husband was hesitated and seems a little confused. They left.

Two nurses went back into the hut and covered the inside wall with black cloth (saw from outside, door locked) they walked away. One of them stopped and picked up the red string left behind from the couple and put them in the pocket. I was picked then and she whisper in my ear “you seems lost” and guide me into the hut. It was kind of loud inside so I didn’t hear a lots of the story clearly. Something about a boy. when she trace through my arm to my palm, she linger around my wrist tattoo for a while. Wonder if she recognized the word “Bedlam”. When she place my mask back on, one of the string came loose and the mask is not staying properly. I found out the string and she fixed it and tide a tie for me.

Two nurse at the bathtub room. layer down sheet into a cross and put a bucket in the center. they standing in front of a tub and one of them push the other in. she picked up a knife from the table and the one in the tub backing off. they did this while seemingly all calm. there is no sign that they’re doing anything dangerous and someone trying to hurt others or fear of getting hurt.

bell rang, they both stand and walked into the room with bed, locking the door behind them (not actively blocking people tho, me and two others went through). locking up all three other doors. One of them placing the key on the center of a tray on the doctor’s table. Three of us got guided out. Door locked and one of the nurse stay guarding. Letting the doctor in. Husband came in with Bride, Husband got stopped to fill a chart and ended up locked out. Door banging, other door banging. Husband walked out to the front desk looking for something. turning the light facing upward to all the paper pieces hanging and got out a note, seem like a map. He walk through the infirmary, stopping a lot, seems injured. Down the stair and saw the rave, this time I actually looking at him during the strobe. There’s eye watered, shaking, nervously moving back and forth, speechless. He turned back upstairs and finally found a key in a box on the wall in bathtub room. Door opened. Bride mouth full of black liquid seem roaring up looking mad. Husband fall and die. Bride left the room. Doctor examine Husband and looking for something in Husband’s suit jacket pocket. Ending finding small piece of paper and put inside his own pocket. Wheelchair in and Husband was rolled into the bedroom. And the doctor picked a guy this time! well there is still hope :)

thing I notice, The nurse doing the 1:1 with me have an ear piercing with a stud in. Doctor have a half ring earring as well. Coincident? It even have matching colour.

Bride following the thick branches on the wall and down the stairs. on the first landing tho she found her shoes (who put it there? Urrrrgh I so curious!) and proceed into a curtained room with rope ceiling. Dance, found the one, dance. Walked into the light and left. Down another floor and in the Mirrored living room, she stopped and looked into the mirror, hand on the mirror touching her own reflection. picked me and guiding me to the ballroom (so no saving Husband in the last loop? what is it with my luck seeing Husband got saved?)

she stand next to me during the scene and moved behind me when Macbeth is on the rope. Squeezing my shoulder as Macbeth getting closer to get hang and finally release when he’s hanged. 

Walk out.

She said “Thanks for coming to play”

Dafney say hang around, someone from the cast will sing a song for us. It’s Simon, did not see his speakeasy this time. He sings “The Frim Fram Sauce”, gosh I was hungry and all he can sing about is not wanting all these amazing-sounding food. jk but great voice, I really enjoyed it. Dafney rolling the music box, did the monologue from Agnes’s 1:1 and sang a song about a boy. I almost thought she’s doing the english version of the Nurse 1:1. Turns out she’s singing “Nature Boy”.

“Remember, this is not a dream.”

[kendrixtermina]

Crying Jewelry Friends! - Reviewing the latest Steven Bomb.

First, sorry for the delay; I didn’t review them as soon as they leaked because I wanted to watch the bomb with my sisters. This probably improves the quality of the observations as they are perceptive in some areas that I’m not and vice versa. By and large, we loved it and thought it was very clever. 

- So yeah, all those people who theorized that Pink Diamond was like the quirky little sister got it right. *tips hat*

- I love how Connie immediately figures out the ‘Palaquin’ part. No reason the characters have to be dumber than the audience. Thanks for taking us seriously!

- This also clarified some things about Rose’s and Greg’s relationship; on the one hand she slipped him that ‘home planet’ white lie and she seems to have had a big bag o’ secrets but on the other hands there were moments like when she trusted greg with the laser light cannon which suggested she was a lot more open with him than the CGs ever suspected. 

Now we know the dynamic behind it: She actually did have an above-average full trust going there, but he told her that it didn’t matter to him. At the time it really didn’t, homeworld wasn’t an issue; It’s different for Steven tho.

So that was Greg trying to make her feel accepted & help her over her feelings of guilt! I like how it was actually Greg’s decision & flows naturally from his prsonality. 

- The enslaved humans sequence gave me serious TOS vibes - they all need Jesus  Captain Kirk. 

- Steven has really hit puberty here/ done some teenage rebellion/reorientation in seeking out the information for himself; The whole confrontation wth the gems and the moment in the ship really drive down the self-doubt that was explored over the course of this season. He takes an action for his own inner peace but then immediately feels bad like it’s a selfish thing; It’s good that he’s got this out of this system, and that they made it an actual plot point how he basically has to squeeze the information out of them

- The “How to Warp Drive” Sequence had some really nice animations, and it’s amusing how they didn’t listen to Peridot and had almost everything happening that she warned them of XD It’s cute how they trusted her to hold down the fort. 

- i wonder if we’ll see those very tiny gems from the calibration menu

- I am also glad that they remembered the Rubies, and that they seem to have found each other so at least poor Leggy isn’t all alone. Looking forward for when they pick them up. 

- So agates are enforcers/overseers, though the one we meet (Hollyblue Agathe) is kind of like your archetypical misplaced kindergarten teacher, sort of with vague umbridge/thatcher vibes, though she’s more like a mix of stern nanny and haughty aristocrat. I don’t think she’s pure evil (though she’d definitely be the type to retain some token prejudice after reforms happen), but it was very very satisfying to see Pearl sass her in the end. 

- and we finally know what Lapis Lazulis do! I guess I was right with ‘terraformers’, and that they’re high-ranking (like Saphires and Agates); It makes sense how she has such huge power but no combat experience, and what her probable mission was. I wonder if this will be expanded upon but in any case it might quiet down some of the haters still asscribing sinister motives to her

- We might have to reconsider the place of Quartzes in the hierarchy; I don’t think they’re fully seen as thrash given how the Rubies and Peridot talk of them, but even Peridot used to look down at Pearls so you kinda how everyone looks down at those beneath them.

- But it certainly shows the pressures Jasper had to overcome and why she felt such a strong need to distance herself from earth and the other beta products - I didn’t expect so many of them to be still alive tho. 

- All the Rose Quartzes being sorted out was also something people called. So homeworld ~does~ use bubbles, though one wonders who made them, did PD do this before she was killed?  I loved that bit where steven noticed that they’re just like his own gem it took my sisters a bit to catch onto this? It’s kind of cruel how they’re all sealed like, many of them were probably loyal to homeworld and basically thrown in jail, or even the death row, for something ‘our’ Rose did. 

- Indeed, YD markedly dismisses Agate with the exact same line that she dismisses Pearl and the Quartzes with, calling to wind how Peridot clapped to “make Pearl go away”. No matter how high or low you are in this, you look down at the ones below and are terrified of the ones above. 

- Another wish of mine that finally come true is an episode that explored Garnet’s feelings, though “Three Gems and a Baby” already hinted at that, these eps had her more exposed; I loved how there was a sense of continuity wether they were fused or not, but it also showcased the developement of them as individuals and how they are stronger together. Sapphire in particular really shines as a character in here. 

We already knew that both are still affected for how they were treated, Ruby being treated as disposable, their way of life and eve their love seen as abomination, both expected to conform to narrow roles  - for Garnet individually there’s also the added layer than they don’t even want to let her exist except perhaps as a war machine. Ruby is audibly salty but perhaps more tellingly, both (and by extension, Garnet) are still bloody terrified of Blue. Even as Garnet, she was reluctant to confront her. Garnet still sometimes falls into the ‘predetermination paradox trap’ and not being a socially smooth leader. 

- Ironically, she has something in common with the Diamonds there and how they’re not always up to the pressure of being the boss. I wouldn’t be surprised if Pink were a dark mirror of Rose’s leading style - She seems to share her idiosyncratic quirkyness in a sense, or what passes as such for a Diamond. 

- We also got a further backstory hint for Pearl - She used to serve under PD and got disgusted with how they treated the humans perhaps seeing a parallel to her own situation. We know she spent substantial time serving on the other side. But though Pearl was always the least human friendly and most anchored in homeworld culture, in contrast with the homeworld folks themselves we see how she’s actually rather far from them and couldn’t really play her old role if she wanted to, which she doesn’t. 

While she encounters doubts and engrained insecurities on her own path, that doesn’t mean she hasn’t advanced at all - nice, uplifting and very true message, and relatable, like,prsonally,  even though I cut contact with my abusive father I still don’t have my shit 100% together and often that makes me feel like he was right all along, but when I look back it’s clear that it’s much better to not be constantly angry, have zero control, not be yelled at and mocked all the time and I wouldn’t stand for being near him even if someone made me. I still struggle but its not nothing. 

- In general a lot of the CG’s character developements is showcased by having them attempt to pass for homeworld gems - They can play out/ ‘master’ these roles without being trapped in them and therefore they no longer have power over them. 

- Amethyst already had that moment when she had to impersonate Jasper but this event offered something else for her character curve that still makes it an important moment. She has always been comparing herself to ‘proper’ Quartzes, but so far, those have been an abstract threatening presence pieced together from Peridot’s comments and the attitude of Jasper, who is just as different from the average as Amethyst herself. 

Granted, the Amethysts are probably what one would think of as ‘rejects’ given that they’re said to have mostly sentimental value, but, they’re what some of homeworld’s forces look like. 

But now that she’s actually met other Amethysts, they’re no longer some scary shadowy quality - they’re rowdy & silly just like herself, and they even liked her and accepted her as one of her own. So she gets to sort of connect with the roots the othes sielded her from but in a positive way where they’re not some elusive ‘badaness’

 - To the others discarding their cut numbers was probably empowering but for Amethyst learning what hers might have been probably gave her a sense of closure and belonging. I suppose it underlines the important point that different people can experience the same things diferently and attach different meanings to them

- Which confirms that the first part of the number/ cut numbers are used as a quasi informal adress where distinguishment is necessary but the full number would be too formal. Which I vaguely suspected because Peridot uses “Peridot5xG” as an username. 

- Headcannon: We just met the sideways carnelian and “Skinny over there”. I mean, we’ve all been waiting forever to see a ‘properly cooked Amethyst’ and the other Beta gems. Like, thank rebecca! I count this as fanservice. 

- Also we got to see what a typical gem barracks look like/ what they have for personal accomodations. As I suspected not that much personal space or induvidual decorations  (Then again, they don’t really need beds or tables; though they do seem to get exhausted.) Interesting that it lowkey looks like exit holes. Maybe they find that comorting? It’s mitigated in that they seem to have a sense of community geoing on. 

I imagine Jasper owned a fancier place by herself, while Peridot used to live in place much like that but Peridot-sized and with space to keep tools. 

- We knew singing YD was comming but everyone expected a classical villain song. In general it was a VERY clever musical sequence that I will make a separate post on. It is a very well-crafted, very intelligent musical sequence, as it should be given that the intro turned up to be leading up to this and how it co-opts the Diamond theme itself. 

The clever thing about it is that it gives people all the things they could want from a villain song while still subverting the expectations: We hear the actress’ voice exposed, it provides a look into the antagonist’s motivations, it gives us a dark swingy tune with some juicy contralto action, setting up both the physical and idiological conflict -  

But it’s not “muahaha evil monologue”, but Yellow Diamond in a private conversation, in the role an older sister. They basically did a villain song without actually doing a villain song. 

- The punny title, as the introduction to our central antagonists, can also said to underline one of the central anti-theses of the show. “What’s the point of feeling” in general. This show has always fundamentally been about emotional expression, and the way it treats emotion is one of the things that fundamentally set it apart from other shows - at least American ones. So the logical antagonist for a hero like Steven to confront would be people like that who hide away their ostensible grief behind cold, hardened facades (but nonetheless still suffer it and never really work through it.)

BD may have had these moments in private but she’s just as icy as Yellow with her subordinates; They all personally fired the corruption ray. 

But most important: They - especially Yellow - feel like they have to be this way to be strong leaders. 

Much more poignant than just unfeeling pragmatists with nothing else, because few people are actually like that. 

- Even though they have more power & privilege than anyone, even the Diamonds sometimes feel limited or pressured by their intended role as leaders

- Neither of the two is over it, or cares more than the other, they just have different coping mechanisms. The way BD ends up putting her hand on Yellow’s back in the end makes that patently clear. 

- They’re God-Emperor Dictators, but among themselves they act like an aristocratic family. It’s clear in word choice (’we still love her’) and how they behave toward each other, the physical comfort etc. I must admit at the beginning/ before the PD reveal, I never expected their relations with each other to be anything other than ‘deadly decadent court’/rivalry and that THEY killed PD for dissenting. Then again, intelligent trope use and subverted is something this show always did very well

- Makes one wonder what White Diamond’s role in this is - Is she the big sister, or more like the Queen Mother? We know she’s probably the eldest, rules homeworld (the sphere in her hands) and a forehead gem; Her role might be intertwined with how the first gems came to be and how/why the system was created, what problem it was intended to solve, something that needs to understand in order to repell it. One also wonders what other, dispararate reaction she had to PD’s death - perhaps, saying she deserved it for being weak in order not to face that she really blames herself or something?

- It makes me think of that WWI documentary I recently watched (take a shot for each ) It’s often jokingly referred to as the most expensive family feud ever but it was more of a constant clusterfuck; Before things broke out there had been letters of the Tzar and the German emperor writing each other a letter where they referred to each other as “Willie” and “Nickie”, hoping to avert the war. Everyone cheers when the king is beheaded because he represents more than one man, they are the system personified, the ones who could change it and didn’t; The person in charge exists to take responsibility. - that’s what the Sword of Damocles is. But even kings are people and thugh they might have done more to stop things they’re still humans who might not have deserved what happened to them.. This is even more true with aristocrats who were ~born~ into their roles instead of chosing them. 

- For perspective: Mari, a big theater nerd and actual amateur performer who’s been in musicals herself & is friends with ppl who do ths on a regular basis, couldn’t stop gushing about its professional brilliance. Apparently YD’s VA is a really big deal whom even Lin Manuel Miranda feels honored to work with. 

- I for my part have a new earworm just when I was getting ‘it’s over isn’t it’ out of my system  

- I was also correct on the creepy ending sounds being the Diamond Theme, all of it leading up to this. 

- There was also more on another of my favorite Threads, the role of culture and music in Gem society and how they used to have all the spires and pictograms. It seems that the aristocrats still have music, or maybe it was all for the aristocrats to begin with, and low-ranking folks like Peridot just never had contact with it. Clearly, you don’t have to be an elite to be artistic and musical. 

- This also underlines the contrast between Peridot and Pearl tho, Peridot being a technician with an artsy side whereas Pearl was a pretty musical servant who turned out to be rather good at tech. Both music & technology seem to be taken for granted as YD readily makes use of it but doesn’t really value the people who make it for her. (”I don’t want to hear about potential and ressources.”)

- Another great obversation Mari made is how much the Pearls’ personalities come through even though they make exactly the same movements and dances. I loved that bit where Yellow Pearl impersonates an Agate. In general, the Pearls were just adorable little show stealers. 

- Here’s some interesting observations from Sabbel (the other sister):

a) The way Agate speaks about YD suggests that she is quite popular in 

To me personally the scene where Agate gushes about her underlined the contrast between Yellow Diamond and her propaganda, but in a different way than before - 

We had this thing where Peridot expected her to be super rational, then she’s capricious an shatters all expectations just by existing. 

With the PD reveal, we could already theorize that there was a generational divide there, with Earth being a sore topic that Peridot is as unaware of as Amethyst (it’s no coincidence that the two younger gems become fast friends)

 Now we have a more complete picture/puzzle that both these pieces fit into - Like, last time she appeared it was “She is not a god”, but this time we’ve seen Yellow Diamond the person.

But what you also see is why someone like Jasper would rally around YD and her ‘commanding presence’, she too wanting to keep up the strenght while supressing her grief. It paints a picture of what Jasper, who respects strenght and strenght only, might have thought of her. And of course YD herself would take over  PD’s ‘useful’ underlings rather than the ones with mostly sentimental value. 

b) Sabbel also finds it’s worth noting that, as their personal attendants, the Pearls get to actually witness the Diamonds in such moments/ their everyday lives. They still react sorta afraid like they expect tantrums

c) She loved how the Amethysts have varying hair lenghts. I do too. Heck, can we just adopt all of the Quartzes? 

- Though I know that people are going to leather pants them anyway, In my eyes one of the greatest strenghts of the episodes is that it manages to humanize the Diamons without allowing you to forget that they’re villains. 

This is enforced in how the episodes are full of dismissive treatment down the homeworld hierarchy, and how everyone involved consistently refers to humans as “it”, or how those poor Rose Quartzes are casually used a props. 

She determies that Greg “doesn’t deserve to die”, but doesn’t even consider any of the other humans. 

Somewhere between “every racist has exceptions/ token “friend”” and seeing them as animals - You don’t eat your pet & sort of treat them as family but at the same time you don’t mind eating animals you don’t know. (unless you’re vegan or something)

This is a very selective ‘mercy’ that Ruby is quite right to enraged about; Objectively, Blue Diamond is very hypocritical, cold and disgusting dispite her pretty aristocratic looks and demeanor. But she’s not a 2-dimensional monster and obviosly acts different around her sister than she does around her subjects - and the same goes for Yellow Diamond of course. 

- The Zoo itself underlines this perspectives, with how the CGs see it as a cruelty, the other diamonds see it as a silly eccentric, even endearing quirk of PD’s. There’s a sense that she sorta liked Earth life as a curiosity, but not enough to spare them or see them as people.  So perhaps she and Rose started out on the same page here untiil Rose spent more time with Earth natives. Even she sorta saw them more as a protectorate than she really understood them until greg came.

- Of course, all of this sets up further developements. They are comming for Earth and are going to notice the cluster’s not emerging any time soon, and it will be a tragedy, because they didn’t even come for revenge. It might go the way things went with Eyeball and Jasper. 

In any case it’s obvious that at this point this won’t end with just fighting the Diamonds off, but rather, with homeworld being reformed (which pleases me immensely), clearly, the diamonds can be reasoned with - 

Greg already began to sort of build a bridge by showing blue Diamond that they both have feelings and can be able to share that. 

But we now have the interesting situation that the ostensible weakest link happens to be the exact same person  that Garnet, our leader, has a personal beef with. That makes for interesting dynamics. 

I always praised how she was actually allowed to get angry and be short tempered with Peridot even when she genunely couldn’t have known, instead of having to be a perfect example of virtue all the time, particularly of how victims of real life oppresion or abuse (and what is opression but sanctioned nation wide abuse?) often get told that they have to be perfect before they have a right to complain. We’ve seen her backstory & know that she has every right to be pissed.

But here, it could make things complex. 

That said, the lesson here is not to revile Rose, but see this from a perspective of generations and progress - Because whatever Rose did, it did buy the Earth time and allowed for Greg,  Steven and Amethyst to exist.  

Because Rose and others of her Generation (Pearl, Garnet, Bismuth etc.) were immediately victimzed by the Diamond’s regime, you can hardly ask them to be emphatic towards their opressors - (to an extent, the same can be said for Jasper and Lapis as a clear-cut victims of the rebellion)

I still don’t doubt that Pink Diamond totally had it comming; The Zoo and Pearl’s reactions as she mentions it imply that she was cruel. 

But was killing her the most conductive thing to do for peace? ...Debatable. In many ways the war did harm. But Rose did the best she knew to do. 

For the younger generation, however, things are different - Peridot, Amethyst, and especially the half-human Steven, they can see the whole war with more distance and objectivity. Steven was partially raised in a completely different world and has empathy for both sides, which might lead him to lead a solution that Rose with her baggage couldn’t have enacted.  That’s the whole point of Rose envying human adaptability & having Steven in hopes that he could bridge the gap between gems and organics, as well as heal the wounds of the war. 

Another factor is that technology has advanced and Peridot has made a plan for peaceful ressource sharing that didn’t exist back then - Maybe the combined voices of Steven, Greg and Blue Diamond could finally make YD listen to it. She’s not completely irrational. 

It’s not for nothing that the ones to witness the Diamonds’ vulnerable side are not their former subjects Garnet and Peridot, but the near-complete outsiders Greg and Steven for whom this comes with far less baggage.

- In the end Steven started all this trek because he felt he needed answers - He asked about what happened and what Rose did and why, but ultimately it all comes down to what he should do after the diamonds after learning that the other side is people too, that even they are beloved; In that sense he ‘got what he needed’. 

He’s heard Bismuth and Rose’s followers, he seen how the system hurt his beloved family, but he’s also seen how the rebellion hurt gems like Lapis, Eyeball and Jasper. 

In that sense this ties into the teenage rebellion theme from the beginning, in that he went to look at the evidence with his own eyes & form his own opinion, his own answer. 

[3one3]

Okay Sunday update tyme. 

There may or may not have been a mini war over making my coffee this morning. I'm not really sure. All I know is the one I got was made by the Babysitter and not very good. 

Then there was a baby. This nice couple that comes in often arrived with their maybe 16 mo son, who the Babysitter always holds and stuff. He lets him play with the touch-screen. Some people just really love babies. They see a baby and they get heart eyes and are like oo a baby how ~cute~ lemme go see it! I’m not one of them. I’m mostly afraid of and/or grossed out by babies. The Pacifier definitely got the baby gene. He was DELIGHTED by the baby. Instant, yuge smile. He went over to see him, and tickled his tummy and stuff, and I was like wow, he’s more interested in touching a baby than me, that hurts. Way to cut me deep. It was still really cute to see him be delighted by the baby tho. I def got THAT gene. The “guys being cute with kids directly affects ovaries” gene. 

Then the piña colada party started. They're not on the menu. I guess someone bought a big bottle of Cooco Real, the coconut cream stuff that makes piña coladas delicious at 900 calories per sip, but not really because it’s not as good as the thick stuff that comes in a can. They also don't have anything else blended on the menu but they do have a blender. Out comes this blender. The Pacifier and the Brother are practically giddy about this, and are verifying with the Babysitter what to put in it. He takes over anyway. Pacifier suggests using Malibu coconut rum and Babysitter is like no you use the regular clear rum rawr. They're actually both wrong. You should use a good quality white rum, yeah, but you should also use a really good dark rum. But that's if you have good quality coconut cream, which they didn't. It should have coconut milk too, and some lime, but I didn’t want to lecture the bartenders on how to bartend, ya know? Just cause I’ve been a piña colada enthusiast since age 6 doesn’t mean I’m an authority.  

Babysitter makes the first batch and tries to pour some in this little coupe glass which is all wrong for that. How do you put a full size straw in a coupe glass? You don't. Anyway. It also won't pour. It's too solid. Like sorbet. I was like "it's supposed to be a liquid, not a dessert". Pacifier chuckles at this and I'm like oooo score. Pacifier goes and gets a cherry for it and everything and they taste some and give it to me to taste, and they both said it's not sweet enough, and I said IT NEEDS MALIBU, and the Pacifier is like IT NEEDS MALIBU, and it becomes clear at this point that the Babysitter has never had Malibu and doesn't know its awesomeness. Side note: my favorite whatever drink is Malibu and pineapple juice. I didn't even know they had Malibu at this bar until last week because no one uses it for anything but the Pacifier and I happened to see him grab it from below the bar and pour some. I always wondered why there is none on the shelf with everything else. Anyway. Moving on. 

A second batch is made, with Malibu, and offered around to everyone to try. It's much better. Babysitter still can't pour it tho and Pacifier and I are watching him try and I look at him and shake my head and he starts cracking up and I melt inside. Making someone you want to be friends with laugh with you like a normal reason rather than awkwardly laugh for no apparent reason every time you talk to him is just the best. They decide it can go on the menu for the day. I told the Babysitter not to serve it in that stupid glass but he insisted. He said hey could use the cocktail straws. I was like wtf how can you sip an already too thick piña colada through a fucking cocktail straw??? And he just laughed. Another guy decided the solution was to just cut the regular straws in half 🤷🏼‍♀️

I still had the whole first example to drink myself, plus some of the new and improved one. I really don't drink anymore, so that was enough to count as liquid courage I guess. It brightened by whole day. I was in a good mood. I decided it was to be a day of progress on the communication front. But then naturally the place got crazy busy and the Pacifier was running around at Mach V doing his job. I seriously can’t bring myself to bother him when he’s busy.

I waited until things calmed down considerably and did my standard I'm-about-to-be-annoying-but-at-least-I'm-sweet-about-it way of saying his name (this has gotten males of all age and association to do things for me forever) as he was walking behind me, and he leaned in beside me and said "yes? ma'am" and I wanted to end myself right then and there. You can't ask a girl to hang out one weekend and then call her ma'am the next. It's bloody criminal. I decided it wasn't serious tho. He called the Babysitter sir earlier. I call my officemate ma'am all the time, non-seriously, like when she brings my trash can in from the hallway and I say thank you, ma’am. But anyway it ruined the whole plan it took me an hour to decide on. I was going to summon him and then be like "you know what I want *wink wink*" bc obvi I wanted a coffee and he would know that. Ma'am threw me off tho. And then he didn't give me a chance to ask a question anyway. He asked me if I wanted another one and I was like yesssss pleaaaaase. It was delicious and I was thankful. I wanted to tell him that he’s my favorite person on the planet on saturdays and sundays and that when I work those mornings the only reason I get out of bed is that I know I get to have that cappuccino after. He’s too quick. Or I’m too slow. Or something.

Now here's where shit gets cray. One of my clients and I have been looking at this horse for a while. We checked him out years ago when he had a different owner, and liked him but not for the price. Now his current owners put him up for private auction over the weekend and we were like, well if we can get him for X then it’s a no brainer and if we can get him for Y it would probably be worth it, but no more, and I did the homework on the other people I knew might be interested  and so I thought it was possible that we could get him for that. But we weren't fully sold on him. I usually feel strongly one way or another on whether to get a horse, particularly at a certain price point. I was like, we could do this, and it would be great, or we could not do it, and I probably won't  kick myself over it tomorrow. 

With 90 mins left on the sale clock, and an "it's up to you" order from the client, which I had been waiting for for most of the day, I decide that the best way to decide is to let the Pacifier choose 😂 I had a good reason though! The horse's name is one letter off being Cappuccino! It's a sign! I'll show him the video of the horse on my phone and ask him what I should do. It’s genius. I summon the Pacifier, who had to be wondering just how much cappuccino I can drink in one day, since that's all I ever summon him for. I immediately panic that the friend I was texting literally *about him* and practically nothing else and who hadn't answered me in over an hour would decide that was the right time to reply, and that she'd say something totally incriminating exactly as he was looking at my phone. It was too late to tell her to shh tho bc he was already incoming, and I couldn't do airplane mode bc I needed wifi to show him the Video. It went like this. 

"Are you superstitious?" (I'm thinking, what if he doesn't know what that means?)

~message from friend about how the babysitter is definitely cockblocking drops down from top of screen along with two others BECAUSE OF FUCKING COURSE and I desperately will her to stfu~

"No. " 

"Well I'm very superstitious and I need your help. There's this horse. See the video of  the nice horse?" I held the phone so he could barely see it, just in case. "I have an hour and a half to decide if I should get it for a client and I don't know what to do. I'm fine either way. I’m totally 50/50 on it. I could flip a coin. But the horse's name is Cappuccino (it would have been too hard to explain the one letter difference and I talk really fast when I'm nervous and it gets hard for people to understand and meh whatever) and you're my cappuccino guy so I need you to tell me what to do."

"Then you should go for it!" He says, laughing. It was sort of like a comfortable laugh too, not the awkward one. 

"You think so?"

"Yeah! Go for it!" At this point I'm just loving the carefree gung ho attitude here. 

I told him okay I'm gonna do it, and I warned him that I'm blaming him if the horse ends up being terrible. He was just smiley and laughing and stuff. 

And that's how i bought a $400,000 horse on the cappuccino guy's say so. Did I mention I forgot to mention to him how much the horse costs? 🙊 He might be one of those people who thinks even competition horses are peanuts. He probably has no idea. He might not have even understood what I was saying. He could have thought I was talking about betting on the horse or something. I have no idea. He was just all for it. 

I get really high when I do big deals. Like so pumped. I called the client and said to do it. And I was like shaking and grinning and stupid. Hopefully it was the horse and not just the interaction 🤦🏼‍♀️

I left a little while after that. On the way out when he was saying bye to me I reminded him that he's in big trouble if the horse is crap, and he was all smiles. 

I find out for sure tomorrow morning if our bid was definitely accepted, but I saw no others come in after so it prob was. Lawd help me if this doesn't work out well 🙈🙈🙈

Then I went running and got sunburn bc it was earlier than I wanted to go but I was too hyped to sit still, then I saw one of the guys from the restaurant on the way to where I run, and he was on a bike share bike outside mcdonalds in work clothes but not the ones he was in earlier and I was like wtf and also please don't notice me in my terrible running outfit. 

Then I got some really upsetting texts from bf about all this 😕

Then I had some food and prepped some stuff for my lunches and then I worked out bc the high hadn't gone away yet and ya gotta use it while it's there. Haven't managed to figure out how to use it to fix the bf thing tho. 

But, consider yourself updated. 

[ssteezyy]

Ask the Cat Doc: Urine Marking, Cardiomyopathy, Chirping Noise, and More

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Welcome to our regular “Ask the Cat Doc With Dr. Lynn Bahr” segment! Once a month, Dr. Bahr answers as many of your questions as she can, and you can leave new questions for her in a comment.

Dr. Bahr graduated from the University of Georgia College of Veterinary Medicine in 1991. Unlike most veterinarians, she did not grow up knowing that she would become a veterinarian. “It was a cat who got me interested in the practice and I am forever grateful to him,” said Dr. Bahr. Over the course of her veterinary career, Dr. Bahr found that the lifestyle of cats has changed dramatically. As the lifestyle of cats has changed, so did Dr. Bahr’s client education. In addition to finding medical solutions, she also encourages owners to enrich their home environments so that their cats can live long, happy, and healthy lives.

This new understanding led Dr. Bahr to combine her passion for strengthening the human-animal bond with her veterinary background and knowledge of what animals need and want to start her own solution-based cat product company, Dezi & Roo, inspired by two cats of the same names.

For more information about Dezi & Roo and their unique and innovative cat toys, please visit Dezi and Roo on Etsy.

Cat pees over the side of the box

My 7 yr od spayed female Maine Coon mix rescue cat has developed an odd behavior for some time while voiding. She always goes in the box but when facing a certain direction she often (not always) raises her back end mid-stream and ends up voiding on the floor. My vet said she doesn’t know what could be causing it. I have a 4 yr old neutured male too, and there have been no changes to speak of in a long while. She is healthy. Do you have any ideas what could be causing her odd behavior? – Kathleen May

Hi Kathleen, I am so glad to hear that your Maine Coon mix is a healthy girl and that you discussed this issue with your veterinarian first. If her urinalysis was normal, and the likelihood of suffering from cystitis has been ruled out, another medical issue I would consider is the whether or not arthritis is an issue that would cause her to adjust her position while urinating.

However, it sounds more likely to me that she is exhibiting the normal behavior of urine marking. Cats communicate with each other in many ways like scratching, bunting, and urinating. There is a lot of information they garner from from the smell and position of urine and your girl might just be talking to you and the other members of her household. In order to better deal with the urine landing outside of the box I have some suggestions for you. Make sure the litterbox she is using is big enough to accommodate her appropriately, that it is placed in a quiet location, is always kept clean, and that there is more than one litterbox for her to choose from. There are some options for high sided, large boxes, that you can either purchase or fashion yourself from plastic bins.

As long as arthritis is not the issue, we are happy to hear that your girl is otherwise normal and healthy. You may simply need a different style litterbox to help remedy the current situation.

Itchy cat

Hello! I have a rescue cat who is about 6 (no one is exactly sure) who at one point was someone’s pet. Her person died, the family cleared out the house but left pets behind to fend for themselves. Dory, my cat, survived on her own until a kind neighbor called the rescue organization that saved her. She was bloody in the field behind the house. Her face and back of neck raw open wounds. They think a flea collar bridled in her mouth and caused a burn reaction on her pretty face. She now has what I joke are “joker lines” at the sides of her mouth that caused permanent scars up to the apples of her cheeks. The back of her neck has a spot where fur no longer grows but it’s healed and is now healthy skin. I’ve had her for a couple years now; she’s happy and seems healthy overall. We’ve had laser treatment on the skin where the hot spots are, we’ve done steroids, we’ve narrowed food down to cool protein foods feeding only dehydrated food with no byproducts or allergens. She’s had skin biopsy done and everything comes back with no issues to note. The issue is she still scratches, and often. We keep a cone on her most of the time to save her little face. She is inside only, an only cat.

I’m at a loss. I’d like to not pump her full of Prozac or other drugs but fear it’s the only option to stop the phantom pains she seems to feel. Any further suggestion is helpful. – Mandy

Hi Mandy, bless you for giving Dory a loving home. She is a lucky cat. It appears that she has been thoroughly worked up for her issue of scratching but that an answer for the root cause has not been found. How unfortunate for both you and her.

Without the benefit of actually examining her firsthand, it is difficult for me to adequately guide you in this situation. However, going off your description, some of my thoughts involve the possibility of pain from scar tissue similar to what you mentioned about phantom pain. It is well documented in human medicine that scar tissue can cause excruciating and debilitating pain. With this in mind, I would be more apt to prescribe medications specifically for pain, as opposed to medications that alter behavior. I would recommend you seek a pain specialist who will know the best treatment options available for addressing this type of discomfort in your sweet girl. I hope you are able to find the right practitioner who will offer you a treatment plan aimed at alleviating the discomfort of her scar tissue without trying to change her personality. Best of luck to you.

Feeding a feral cat

Dr. Bahr I am feeding a feral cat every morning with 9 lives pate Ocean Whitefish and Bar S Bologna with Chicken and Pork will it hurt her she eats 2-3 slices a day. Thank You – John Wissinger

Hi John, I am so grateful to you for making sure your feral cat is fed every day. I typically recommend feeding a variety of flavors and brands and rotating foods regularly. Your girl is luckier than most by having the benefit of a meal certain every day and what you are doing to make sure she does not go hungry is wonderful. As long as the bologna is not the only nutrition she is receiving, I wouldn’t suggest you change your routine. She is used to it and as long as she appears to be healthy and thriving, I would continue with your regular practice. Has she been spayed? If not, I would encourage you to pursue getting that done asap. That way you won’t have the problem of having to feed more mouths than hers and she will live a longer life.

Chirping noise while purring

Hello Dr. Bahr! We got a new kitty a month ago, she’s a 4 month old british shorthair, everything is ok except for a weird little noise she makes when purring. Its high sound is separate from the purring, it sounds a bit like a bird chirping. I showed my vet an audio of her purring and he listened to her lungs and throat, he suspects the sound comes from the nose. I suspect it too because I can hear the high-pitch noise coming from it. She doesn’t always do it, actually she hasn’t done it as much as she did before, just wondering if you had any more insight or if you think there’s something we should check or worry about. I check her breathing and it seems fine, but I’m very intrigued as to why she’s making that noise! Hope you’re well and thank you for taking the time to answer these questions! – Lucia Faria

Hi Lucia, congratulations on your new bundle of joy! There is nothing better than filling your house with the love of a cat and I wish you both years of happiness together. I am happy to hear that her breathing is fine and that your veterinarian has given her a thorough exam. Since you both suspect the unusual noise is coming from her nose, there could be several possibilities that would cause it. Brachycephalic Airway Syndrome is a medical term given to various upper airway problems found in short-nosed, flat-faced cat breeds. Does your kitty have an unusually short nose or are her nostrils smaller than normal? Stenotic nares and other physical defects like an elongated soft palate or enlarged tonsils would be some things that I would want to make sure are not causing the high-pitched noise. However, with that being said, it appears that your baby is outgrowing her problem because you mentioned that you are hearing it less often. Paws crossed, it totally resolves with age or that it is just something benign and unique to her. Enjoy your special baby and let me know if you have any other concerns.

Cat won’t adjust to harness

My Loki is a Maine Coon cat. He didn’t like being picked up until I bribed him with treats. Now he tolerates being picked up. which is more than I hoped for. He’s a grumpy old man, even tho he’s only 5 years old. He has shown a lot of interest in the outside world. Sometimes I think he’s bored. I bought a Kitty Holster and a leash, and I introduced the harness to him over a period of two weeks. I sprinkled catnip over the harness. I also used the clicker, clicked it and gave Loki a treat every time he came near the harness. He would lie down on the harness, and he didn’t seem bothered by it until I put it on him. Then he cried and refused to move.

I thought that was normal, so after 20 minutes I took the harness off. I’ve put him in the harness several times since then, and the result has been the same. Once I put the Kitty Holster on him and then fed him. He hid for 20 minutes, then he came out and took his usual seat in the window. He roamed around the apartment but he panicked when it was time for me to take the harness off. Each time I talk to him and give him treats but he’s not thrilled with this at all. Afterwards he sometimes acts skittish around me, as though he thinks I’m going to grab him.

I don’t want to torment him. I realize that Loki might not ever adjust to the harness, but I would like to give this a fair try. Do you have any suggestions for me? – Serbella McGee

Hi Serbella, I appreciate you writing in with a common question other readers would like to know more about. Indoor cats certainly do get bored easily and it is hard to keep them active, engaged, and entertained. I commend you for recognizing the problem and trying to give your Loki more activity by attempting to leash train him. However, many cats like him don’t take to harnesses well or appreciate your attempts to get them outdoors safely. It really takes a special personality for a cat to acclimate to a being leash walked and it sounds like Loki is not a fan of it. Because of that, I would not push the issue as it could harm your relationship with him.

Instead, I would attempt to alleviate his boredom in other ways. Open the windows daily and let him smell the outside. Play for 5-10 minutes at a time at least 2-3 times daily. Continue to clicker train him to perform many different acts like getting into his carrier, giving you a high-five, etc. You may explore the option of a kitty backpack or safe stroller to take him outdoors in. I have written several blogs on how to bring the outdoors in and how to make an indoor hunting playground and new ways to eliminate kitty boredom that will help you with creative ideas on ways to keep cats like Loki entertained indoors. It does take effort but is well worth it.

Believe it or not, Loki is exhibiting normal behavior with his displeasure of being picked up. Did you know that most cats view being picked up as something that is dangerous? In the wild, the only time (other than when they were first born) that all four legs would be off the ground at one time is if they were being carried away by a predator. Being picked up equates to being eaten and is a reason to be fearful. Like Loki, many cats learn to tolerate it, but most don’t like it at all. Unless they have been habituated to being picked up from a young age, I recommend people let them sit on their laps or beside them instead. It feels safer and more comfortable from a cat’s point of view.

I hope you feel better knowing that Loki is normal in his response to the harness and I again thank you for bringing this subject up. Getting cats accustomed to leash walking is best accomplished when they are young and more and more owners are attempting this with their kittens. For cats who are well acclimated to it, safely going outside is a wonderful way to add enrichment to their lives and allows them to enjoy fresh air, sunshine and the ability to explore.

Do you have a question for Dr. Bahr? Leave it in a comment!

*FTC Disclosure: The Conscious Cat is a participant in Etsy’s affiliate program. This means that if you decide to purchase through any of our links, we get a small commission. We only spread the word about products and services we’ve either used or would use ourselves.

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